#I really need to fill out some of the ideas I have for them
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ᴛɪʟʟ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ ᴇɴᴅꜱ | ₗ.ₕₛ
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ. brothers bestfriend! heeseung x fem!reader
ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ. You were sleeping when jay started banging on your door “y/n heeseung is gonna stay with us for the summer”. Lee heesung, your brothers best friend and the boy you’ve had a crush on since you saw him 5 years ago in your living room.
|| ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ. 10k maybe (wrote this on my phone so i have no idea, tried to check it but it kept giving me different word counts)
ɢᴇɴʀᴇ. smut, brothers bestfriend.
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ. nsfw! smut lmk if there’s anything else.
(hii this is the first fic I’ve ever written, I obviously have a long way to go lmao but I hope you like it. This was written with really less detail and not too many complications something simple I guess. There might be a few spelling mistakes or the paragraph formation is messed up so bear with me on that 🙏🏻. Since this is the first time I’ve written it’s not really fully “fic coded” you could say Ig but I’ll learn in time, it could be different writing wise from a proper fic.Anyways I hope you enjoy and if you have any questions regarding this or anything else lmk.)
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You’ve never really talked to Heeseung much. He comes over a lot but jay doesn’t let you hang out with them much, it doesn’t really bother you much but what did bother you was when jay started banging on your door to wake you up on a weekend at 8am to tell you “ Y/N!! Heeseung is gonna stay with us for the summer”
You couldn’t wait for summer break to come but now you’re grateful there’s still a week left.
you RAN to karina’s house which thankfully was next door. She was obviously still asleep.
“Karinaaa!! WAKE UPPP” you say while pulling the blinds up, “y/n it’s 8am please I haven’t slept all night” karina said while pulling the blanket over her face
“I need to tell you something. ” you looked at her with a very serious face waiting for her to sit up “yes y/n goodmorning to you too” you smiled at her and murmured goodmorning back “ok get this jay said Lee heeseung is gonna stay at ours for the summer..the WHOLE summer!” You let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding. You waited for her to say something She looked at you like you ate her cat or something, she really is cranky in the morning “can you say something why are you looking at me like that” she took a breath in and out. Oh no u hate when she does that, it feels like she’s going to pounce on you “y/n..is this what you wanted to tell me so badly to wake me up at 8am on a Sunday?” She said in a calm and low tone. You just looked at her as u blinked slowly and nodded slowly, she wasn’t having any of it “y/n it’s not a big deal it’s just heesung and jay is best friends with him you literally see him everyday” well that was true but she didn’t know about the crush you had on him, you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell her.“This is gonna be a looongg summer” you thought to yourself.
It was the first day of summer.
As you woke up the golden sunlight peeked though your blinds, casting stripes across the room. Making you think “it’s finally summer” you smile to yourself. You yawn as you watch the dust particles flying around the window.
You threw your blanket away from you and went to freshen up exited for the summer. You tie your bikini around your hips and back, then throw on an oversized shirt and some jean shorts.
You walked down the stairs each step filled with excitement, thinking about everything you were gonna do this summer with karina, going to places we’ve never been or just hanging out in your backyard. You took a deep sniff smelling waffles from the kitchen. The smell of the batter, the sound of the waffle maker, and fresh maple. You ran to the kitchen to see jay cooking. You love your brothers cooking especially his waffles it’s something he only makes it in the summer. “Jayy you’re making waffles?!!!!???!” You said giggling
and grinning, doing a silly dance “when I met you in the summerrrrr~~” you sang as a smile spreads on jays face. He hums with you.
“Sit down y/n 5 minutes more” he said looking back at you raising his eyebrows. You were walking around the wall to sit on the counter and suddenly you saw heesung sitting on the chair “WHA-“ you were totally surprised and feeling like an idiot since you just sang and danced and HEESEUNG SAW YOU. You completely forgot he was supposed to be here.
You feel your cheeks heat up as you try to laugh the embarrassment off. You looked up at heeseung who was already looking at you up and down. With a slight smirk on his face he tilted his head to the side. “What’s up?”
he said. His tone is relaxed and raspy. You feel so small in his presence , you feel your cheeks burn and u look up at him “hey I heard you’re staying here for the summer”you say trying to relax your voice, you sit down on the chair next to him and look up at him waiting for an answer “mhm” that’s all he says. You think if you’re going see him the whole summer you need to get to know him better atleast. You tilt your head and ask,“Can I ask why?” Your eyebrows raise in curiosity and a gentle smile forms on your lips showing you’re genuinely interested, before he said anything jay came up to the counter and sets the waffles in front of you with a light frown he glances at you and says “y/n don’t bother him” his eyes meet yours and he slightly smiles. Heeseung takes a waffles and puts it on his plate, jay walks away to get the ice cream he looks over at you but you were already looking at him, you look away “im moving to New York after the summer cause of my dads work” he says,his tone relaxed. He shrugs, his eyes glancing away for a moment. “he’s already there so I’m staying here till I leave” he lets out a light laugh and takes a bite of the waffle. You look at him, your heart skipping a beat at the news. A mix of surprise and a touch of sadness washes over your face. “New York, huh? That’s a big change,” you say, trying to keep your tone light despite the flutter of emotions inside. You bite your lip, thinking about why you feel sad you barely know him?!. “Are you excited about it?” you ask, your eyes searching his, hoping to catch a glimpse of his feelings. He shrugs a bit. “I’m not really worried” he says nonchalantly. Not wanting to show too much emotion you take a bite of the waffle “oh okay” you said kind of sad but you think jay might be really sad since they’ve been best friends since they were 10.
It’s been about 2 weeks since you talked to heeseung. Even though you’re living together there’s not much interaction between you too, well there are moments when you’re going out in your prettiest clothes and he undresses you with his eyes. You try to ignore it as much as you can, you can’t betray jay like that no matter how much you want to right?
Eventually you decide invite Karina over and take a swim in the pool. The cool water feels refreshing, and the familiar scent of chlorine surrounds you, bringing a sense of comfort. As you float on your back, Karina asks you a shocking question “do you like heesung”she says looking at you with her eye brows raised and crossed arms. “Karin-“ you pause cause heesung is standing at the backyard door by the pool. Did he hear what she said? You’re just looking at him with a confused expression. Karina looks back and smirks to herself. You can’t help but say something,it’s getting awkward “hey Heeseung do u wanna swim?” You ask, Karina noticed how your voice sounds way different from when you both talk. He scratches the back of his neck and says “yea can I?” Looking between Karina and you. You try to communicate with Karina through your eyes “ofc you can” she says with a smirk on her face as she looks at you, you look at her with a confused face as you raise your eye brow asking what she was doing. Heeseung walks towards the pool and slowly with a confidence smirk he pulled off his shirt, his toned body revealing itself to you. You flinched at the sight, you thought how it would feel if he was on top of you and you touch his toned abs..
Suddenly water hit you and you fell of your floaty into the water “what the hell!” You looked at Karina thinking she did that but you heard deep chuckles coming from the side, it was Heeseung “sorry didn’t mean to do that, just diving” he shrugs and looks you up and down like he’s ready to undress you “oh yeah btw there’s a party here tonight” he said. You looked at him in confusion since your parents are home. He continues “oh um jay told me to tell you, your parents have to go to a wedding” you tell him you’re going inside to talk to your mom and jay. You get up and wrap yourself in a towel, by now you think heesung has a staring problem.
You take a shower, change and head down with Karina.
You see jay helping your mom pack you walk into the room “mom where are you going” you ask since everyone knows except you.
“Y/n honey me and your dad have a wedding to attend it’s in the next town so we’ll be back in the morning” you tell her to be safe, you look at Karina and smile looking forward to the party. “Jay take care of y/n and don’t do anything stupid” she looks between you and jay, you put your hands up.
As soon as your parents leave jay picks up his phone and starts calling people over. Since it is your last year why not have a party.
You walk up to jay as he’s wearing his watch he looks over at you “soo who did you invite” you ask out of curiosity since he didn’t tell you about the party which is in YOUR house. He looks at you smiling “anyone and everyone” he winks. You wonder what’s gonna happen tonight your head already hurts. You weren’t really into parties, just going if your friends invited you or when you need to get your mind off something. But tonight it’s someone. Jay looks at you thinking to yourself and says “y/n I’ll keep an eye out for you tonight” you already know what that means. Jay isn’t much of an over protective brother but when it comes to his friends or guys in general getting involved with you, he hates it. Since they’re not someone he fully trusts.
As you get ready in your room, the sounds of the party downstairs filter through the door. Muffled laughter and music. Making your heart race with anticipation. You can hear the clinking of glasses and the cheerful chatter. As you finish your final touches, someone knocks on your door “come in!”
You look at the door as it opens and it’s heeseung hes wearing a black Prada button up with black pants he looks. Your heart skips a beat you blink, he stands there effortlessly attractive. You can’t help but admire his face shape the way his body fits in his clothes, how his jawline is shaped perfectly his eyes are captivating.
Closing the door behind him he walks towards you with a knowing smirk leans down to your ear and whispers “baby you’re staring”. You’re taken aback, you take a step back but he still walk towards you. “I think you’re the one with a staring problem hee” you say fixing the collar of his shirt, he’s chuckles shocked by the sudden nickname and confidence. He presses you again your closet behind you and he slowly puts his thumb over your lips. Before he can do anything else the door opens and you push him away.
It’s jay he looks between both of you “uhm Lee let’s go Jake’s calling you” he says while looking at you. You feel trapped not knowing what to do. Heeseung winks at you secretly and heads back down. Jay raises his eye brow “y/n what the fuck don’t you remember what I told you” he says in a low and angry voice though you can tell he’s hurt. You try to say something with your heart racing, you try to scan jays face but he just walks away.
You walk down after fixing your lipstick. You spot Karina with some of your old classmates and join them.
The party is in full swing when you find yourself in the kitchen, pouring drinks for your friends. Suddenly, Heeseung appears beside you, leaning against the counter with that trademark smirk. “Need any help?” he asks, his voice low and teasing. You nod, trying to ignore the way your stomach flips at his proximity.
As the night progresses, the atmosphere becomes more charged. Laughter and music fill the air, but you can’t shake the feeling that something is about to change. You catch Heesung watching you from across the room, his gaze intense, and you feel a pull toward him that you can’t resist.
Later, as the party continues, you find yourself in a quieter corner of the house, away from the noise. Heeseung follows you, the tension between you crazy. “It’s crazy how we’re both here together,” he says, stepping closer. The air feels thick with unspoken words, and before you know it, he puts his hand on your waist leaning in, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss.
Your heart races as you kiss him back, the kiss getting deeper. The world around you fading away. You know you shouldn’t be doing this, but it feels too right to stop. Just as the kiss deepens, you hear your brother laughing, pulling you back to reality.
You break apart, breathless, and heesung looks at you with a mix of desire and uncertainty. “We can’t do this baby,” he whispers, but the way he looks at you says otherwise. The party goes on, but in that moment, everything changes. You kiss him again and deepen the kiss.
As you pull away from the kiss, your heart races,his forehead on yours. You glance toward the living room where the party is still in full swing. You can hear your brother laughing with friends, completely unaware of the moment that just unfolded between you and heesung.
“Maybe we should go back,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, still feeling the warmth of his lips on yours. Heeseung nods, but there’s still hesitation in his eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asks, searching your face for confirmation. His hands go up and down your waist. The last thing you both want to do is betray jay, but you can’t help it after liking him for so long.
“I don’t know,” you admit, biting your lip. “But we can’t let anyone see us like this.” You take a step back, trying to regain some composure, but heesung reaches out, gently pulling you back toward him.
“Then let’s keep it our little secret for now,” he suggests, a mischievous glint in his eyes. His hands back on your waist moving upwards. You nod, the thrill of secrecy making your heart race even faster. You both go back into the party agreeing on keeping this a secret.
As the night progresses, you and heeseung have moments together, glances across the room, whispered conversations in corners, and the occasional touch that sends sparks through your body. The chemistry between you is undeniable, but you’re also acutely aware of your brother’s presence, and the potential consequences of your actions.
At one point, you find yourselves outside on the patio, where the sounds of the party fade into the background. The night sky is dotted with stars, and the cool breeze contrasts with the heat radiating between you.
“Do you think he’d be mad?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. Heeseungs expression softens as he considers your question.
“I don’t know,” he replies honestly. “But I don’t want to hide this if it means something.” His words send a thrill through you, you’ve wanted heesung for such a long time but the thought of your brother’s reaction hangs in the back of your mind.
As everyone starts leaving it’s already 2am and jay is extremely drunk. You ask heesung to put him to bed.
You’re sitting in on your bed still wearing your black mini dress when the door opens and closes with a bang. It’s heesung he’s charging towards you suddenly he gets on top of you. You’re just looking into his eyes looking for something but they’re just filled with desire. As you’re about to say something he puts his lips on yours capturing them into a kiss.
It starts of slow, he sits against the headboard and you climb on top of him, your knees on the sides of his thighs. He pulls you in again for a deep kiss, he puts his hands on your waist tightening them. They way yours and his lips are moving next to each other feels unreal, he pulls you even closer towards him, you release low moans now needing him as close as possible. As the kiss gets heated you feel his tongue licking your self asking to go in, you let his tongue enter and explore your mouth he groans. He puts his hand on your zipper, you look at him and nod.
He quickly takes it off and looks at your perky boobs “so fucking sexy baby” he looks like he wants to eat you. You gasp when he takes one of your nipples in his mouth “hee-“ and swirls his tongue around,he gives the other one attention aswell taking it in his hands god. His hand goes down to your clothed core as he starts rubbing over it. “Hee please” you cried out, “please what pretty, say it” he whispered
You moaned and squirmed against his hard cock, making him hiss “baby u need to stop moving”.
He laid you against your back and started placing kisses all over your neck and breasts making you breathe heavily. As he placed kisses all over your body he reached your wet core. He took his shirt off revealing his toned body you started kissing him everywhere until It all went too fast when you suddenly felt a hot wet sensation licking your pussy slow. Your eyes rolled back, feeling hee’s tongue going deep in your pussy and sucking on your bud. Your moans could no longer be held back, letting them out freely for everyone to hear.
“H-hee ah- wait!” You cried out feeling your orgasm coming faster than you thought since it’s been 2 minutes. Heeseung didn’t stop, feeling your pussy tighten and open and before he knew it too, his tongue was getting covered by your juices. He licked his lips while looking at you, you thought you could look at him like this forever.
As he takes his pants off with his underwear you look at him surprised at how big he is. You gulped.
Heeseung notices your expression and smirks “you ready baby?” You nod aggressively not wanting to wait another second.
He kissed you everywhere complimenting every little thing, he leaned over and positioned his dick at your whole and slowly pushed it in. “HEE! Fuck” you moan, he thought you looked so pretty with your mascara running down your face because of him.
“Fuck baby you’re so tight” he groaned
You let out a ragged breath feeling him in you. He felt so big and you felt so full. Heesung looked at you asking if he could move “u-h you can move” heeseung nodded and moved slowly watching your face as you roll your eyes back in pleasure.
That’s when he started moving faster, you both were a moaing mess. Panting against each other.
Heeseung groaned feeling you squeeze against him, he could feel his orgasm coming.
You felt your orgasm coming as he went in and out “f-uck hee im cu-ming” you moaned and closed your eyes as it came over.
Heeseung thrusting in deeper while you got off your high. He let out a raspy laugh.
You both were breathing heavily after he came and laid down with you. “that was-“ you said panting
“great. “ heeseung looked at you and kissed you once more before he got up and got a towel from the bathrooms and cleaned you up before laying back down.
“Hee?” You said laying down on his arm. “Yeah baby?” He pulled you closer under the blanket “when will you leave for New York?” You said. Your voice not above a whisper, he looked at your sad expression and put a strand of hair behind your ear “I told my dad already im not leaving”he said. You sat up holding the blanket to your chest, “wait really?!” You said smiling so big it hurt. “Yea. “ he said. Hugging you tightly. “I love you hee” you said looking into his sparkly eyes as u pecked him on the cheek “I love you too baby”. He kissed you back.
The sun was out ask you opened your eyes, you rubbed your eyes the memories of last night came flooding back into your mind and you couldn’t believe that actually happened. A smile crept onto your face.
You felt heeseung holding you tightly by the waist. You shifted to look at him, he looked so pretty while sleeping as well. You started tracing his lips and his nose even his eyes. He started blinking and smiled “goodmorning” he said, his morning voice so raspy and attractive. “Morning” you giggled and put your face into his neck.
You suddenly pulled back hearing your door open. “y/n wake uppp!” It was jay.
He stood there looking at both of you naked under the blanket.
He started blinking in disbelief.
Heeseung tried to cover you with his body which made you laugh.
You totally forgot you were in the same house as jay through all that.
Jay just walked out. You looked at heeseung confused why jay didn’t punch anyone. You and heesung got dressed and went down to the kitchen to talk to jay.
You both sat on the chairs in front of the counter where jay was making breakfast.
You started “jay uh.. can we talk” you felt like you’ve betrayed your brother big time, your mind had a lot of things to say but you need to tell him the truth first.
Jay looked back at you with his eye brows furrowed he nodded letting you know to go on but before you could heeseung started talking “look man im sorry it happened this way, I never wanted to hurt you or y/n” he lets out heavy breathing.
You could see how hard this is for heeseung because this is his only one friendship he cares about.
Jay looks at him very angrily “if you didn’t want to hurt me you shouldn’t have done this” he said in a higher voice as he crossed his arms. You felt bad for heeseung for getting the blame “jay it’s not his fault I also wanted too” you say searching jays eyes for something but they were just empty “y/n I know and that’s what I hate more, I told you so many times not t-“
You didn’t let him finish and told him the truth. “I love him” you say.
Heesung hold your hand and jay looks at heesung for an answer. “I love her aswell” Heeseung says in a very straightforward and sincere tome. Jay turns his back, you both give him some time to think. He turns back and sets breakfast up he glances over to both of you “Heeseung you better treat her right or she’ll have to witness your funeral” jay said while smiling as he hugged heesung. You looked at Jay with a smile “im sorry and thank you” you hugged him back.
In the evening you invited Karina over for a barbecue your dad was hosting. You told her everything.
She was really happy for you.
After the barbecue ended all of you jumped into the pool.
Heeseung pulled you to him and gave you a peck on your lips he whispered “I love you” you giggled and splashed water on him.
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© won!!ez , 2024. do not copy, steal my stories
#enhypen smut#enhypen fic#enhypen x reader#heeseung#enhypen#enhypen hard hours#kpop#enha x reader#enha fics#enhypen hard thoughts#heesung imagines#heeseung smut#lee heeseung#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung hard thoughts
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i haven't watched the episode. don't really care to. but apparently eddie is looking at houses in el paso?? and i've always related way too much to buck and the way people in his life leave so much so.
listening to 'please don't go' by abbey glover while writing this is devastating btw. highly recommend to add to the hurt.
tw for suicide attempt.
Buck drops Eddie off at the airport and then just...doesn't go home. He doesn't think as he drives, taking turns and just alert enough to be safe on the road, but honestly? He has no fucking idea how he ends up in the mountains, parking in the small dirt lot at the end of the hiking trail.
Everything feels numb. Static fills his brain and spreads down his neck, all the way to the tips of his fingers.
He turns off the Jeep and takes out the keys. Drops them carelessly into the cup holder.
He should've seen this coming, right? People leave; they always have, and always will. Everyone from his own sister to his ex-girlfriends, and his ex-boyfriend. Now his best friend.
There's just something buried deep into his very being, something built into the coding for Evan Buckley, that makes people leave him. No matter how much he clings and wants to fight for it, they'll walk away from him and his love.
It's him, it has to be.
Buck leaves behind his wallet, his keys, his work bag. Everything is left in the Jeep except for his phone, because no matter how much people leave him with barely a goodbye, it goes against everything that makes Buck, well, Buck to do it himself.
He knows this trail. Tommy and he have been on it before, once or twice after Buck dragged him along with him. They'd stopped at the top, where a small cliff overlooks the beautiful scenery with LA off in the far distance.
He remembers the way Tommy pushed him against a tree and sank to his knees, looking up at Buck with an adorable, bright grin with scrunches up his nose. Buck misses that grin fiercely.
The sun is just beginning to rise as Buck starts his walk. He doesn't go up the mountain with a specific plan in mind, didn't wake up to take Eddie to the airport at four in the morning, and think I'm going to kill myself today, but the higher he gets on the trail, the more he knows.
It's early enough that he has the trail to himself. That's good. It's not, he needs to turn around and go back to the Jeep, go home but his feet keep moving him up, up, up. There's nobody around who will have to see what he's about to do and be traumatized by it.
He's seen more than his share of deaths through work, he knows how badly it can fuck you up. He doesn't want to do that to someone else.
When he gets to the top, Buck stops and just breathes. The air is fresher up here, cleaner. It makes some of the buzzing in his head quiet down. He can feel his fingers again, feel the way his heart pounds from the cardio workout of climbing, and make his hands throb.
He walks to the edge of the cliff and sits down, his feet dangling over the edge. There's a boulder a few feet away from the edge that holds memories of him leaning back against it as Tommy kisses him, holding Buck's hips with hands hot enough to brand him.
His very soul feels branded by Tommy. His chest aches every day, making his stomach sink with a homesick feeling he hasn't had since before he moved to LA. His apartment is still full of the baked goods that he creates every time he has to try to not call or text him.
He doesn't stop himself from calling him today.
Buck almost thinks it's going to go to voicemail before it's picked up at the last second.
"...Go for Kinard?" Tommy answers, clearing his throat. His voice is sleep-rough and deep, and Buck hasn't heard it in so long that it's like applying balm to very shattered, torn edges of a wound. "Hello? Who is–Ev—Buck?"
"Did I ever tell you," Buck starts, and he sounds just as rough, but he's more awake than he ever has been, despite the bone deep tiredness that fills him, "about the fact that I was made to be a savior baby for a brother I never met? My parents made me in a science tube so that they could use my bone marrow to heal my brother, Daniel, but it didn't work. I thought for a little while after I found out that it was because I was defective, but I get it now."
Sheets rustle on the other line before Tommy sits up again. "What are you talking about, Evan? What's wrong?"
Buck continues talking, bowling over Tommy's questions like he didn't hear them. "I think there's something inside of me that's toxic. Toxins drive people away, it makes them sick, it's the only thing I can think of that makes sense for why everybody I love gets sick of me and leaves. It has to be me, right? Nobody stays, not forever. There's something wrong with me and I've finally figured it out."
"No, Evan," Tommy says, voice soft. He can hear the concern, though, the urgency hidden under his tone. There's the sound of jingling keys and a door opening and closing. Tommy's too far away to stop him.
"Sometimes, people leave. It's just what they do, it is nothing about you or what you've done. It's them. Their problems. My problems, that we should–we should sit down and talk about. Evan, where are you? I'm worried."
He almost doesn't want to tell him, but maybe it'd be better for someone to come out and collect his body so he doesn't ruin the trail. Leave it as you found it, or whatever. He gives Tommy his location and ignores the way it starts a mental countdown in the back of his mind. He doesn't have long now.
"It is me, Tommy. I want to believe you, but I can't. Not when hard evidence for almost my entire fucking life says otherwise. My parents emotionally left before I was even born. Maddie. Abby. Other girlfriends. I even lost the 118 at one point–thanks to that stupid mistake with the lawyer. Everybody leaves. And–and now with you, and Eddie. I'm tired, Tommy. I'm so goddamn tired."
Tears drip down Buck's cheeks. It's exhausting, viewing every relationship as a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, waiting for them to exit left out of his life. He thought things might be different with Tommy, it was one of his longest relationships, but he was wrong.
"You know, when you broke up with me that night, you said you'd be my first, but not my last. You were wrong. I-I love you so much, Tommy, even though you broke my heart. I hate you for leaving just like everyone else, but I also love you. You'll always be my first and last now. It's my turn to leave."
"Evan!" Tommy shouts into the phone and Buck cringes. "Evan, please, don't do anything. I'm on my way, okay, baby? Please just sit still and wait for me and we can talk–about everything. Please."
It'd be so easy to lean forward and let gravity do the work to drag him off the edge. The side of the cliff digs into the bottom of his thighs and he kicks his feet, knocking against some of the dirt and watching it tumble down.
His phone starts buzzing insistently in his hand with texts. Tommy must have sent out a message. He doesn't look at any of them as he pulls his phone to set it on Do Not Disturb before putting it to his ear again.
He doesn't know what to do. He wants the hurt to stop, he just wants it all to stop, but he's afraid. What if he's too weak to commit? Just like he's too weak to not let people back into his life, even if he knows they'll just leave again.
Weak and toxic.
He drops his phone onto his lap and hunches down, elbows pressing into his knees as he covers his face. He can hear sirens in the distance getting closer.
A strangled sob rips its way from his throat and he makes his decision.
"Okay. I'll wait for you."
There's an audible sigh of relief from Tommy. "Thank you, Evan. I'll be right there, okay? Keep talking to me, baby."
He doesn't know what to say anymore and tells Tommy as much.
"That's okay, Evan. I-I heard from Howie that you were baking lately? What have you been baking?"
Buck knows what's Tommy's doing. He's stalling so that Buck doesn't kill himself before Tommy and the first responders can get to him. He's done it dozens of times before to people on the edge while he's rescuing them.
"A lot of bread, really. Pumpkin bread, banana bread, butternut squash. I even, uh, have a sourdough starter that I've been feeding for a couple of weeks now. I named it Billy because it looks sometimes just like the, uh, boils I got from the curse when it expands."
Tommy lets out a watery laugh. "Of course, you'd name your sourdough starter." He clears his throat and the sirens are suddenly much louder in Buck's ears before they cut off abruptly. Quiet, rushed talking that Buck doesn't understand before Tommy starts running. "What else?"
"I made baked Alaska pretty soon after we broke up. It took me hours to make, and the entire time it was setting in the freezer, I had to bake other things to stop myself from calling you. I-I don't know if Chim told you that's why I started baking, but it is."
When Tommy responds, it's not through the phone. He comes to a stop beside him. "It sounds like your coping mechanism was more productive than mine, at least. Want to get away from the edge for me, Evan?"
He holds out his hand and Buck takes it with a shaky laugh. "Oh, yeah? What was yours?" The knowledge that Tommy was moping just as bad as Buck makes him feel...something.
"Eating entire pints of ice cream by myself on the couch while watching rom-coms." Tommy pulls Buck to his feet and wraps his arms tight around him. Buck can feel how badly Tommy is shaking. "Thank god you're okay. Thank you so much for calling me, Evan. Fuck."
Buck hugs him back and ignores the paramedics lingering behind him. He knows he's going to be taken away in the ambulance and put under a 72-hour hold because of this. He doesn't think about that, or what it means for his job when he's let out.
He focuses on Tommy and the way he clings to him. He came back. Sure, maybe he'll leave again when the initial scare of everything fades away, but it's more than most people have done in the past.
Tommy pulls away first and holds Buck's face gently in his hands. There are tear tracks on his cheeks and more spill over as he looks Buck over. "I love you too. I didn't say it earlier and didn't say it then, but I am now. I love you so much, Evan Buckley.
It doesn't fix everything, doesn't even scratch the surface, but it raises something dangerous in Buck's chest.
Hope.
#bucktommy#tw suicide attempt#katie.txt#moosh worbs#what is fanfic but therapy through osmosis or some shit#uploading this to ao3...tomorrow or smth#911 spoilers
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A (not so) helping hand
Ennoshita and your son surprise you for Mother's Day, for my Parenting event<3
requested by @ennoshitas-princess. word count; 589 – f!reader
Your husband didn’t stand a chance trying to hide his Mother’s Day plans from you.
You see, your son was a momma’s boy and told you everything like he was the physical version of a gossip magazine from the day his dad said they were going to surprise you.
This is why you understood exactly what was happening when Kiyoko asked you out for lunch on the date that just so happened to be Mother’s Day. Your husband was going to set everything up and needed you out of the house. Lucky for him, you happily played along.
Unfortunately, no amount of snitching could have prepared you to come home to a broken glass vase shattered all over the floor, a cake face down on the floor and the fire alarm going off in the kitchen while your toddler cried into his father’s shoulder as he tried to get the alarm off the ceiling to turn it off.
“Chikara?”
Ennoshita glanced over his shoulder with a sheepish smile. “Happy Mother’s Day!”
5 minutes prior…
Ennoshita hummed softly under his breath with a content smile, dressed in one of his dress shirts that you especially liked while he put the finishing touches on the cake. As it was done, he picked it up to move it to the dining table, glancing around for his kid but mostly focusing on the cake.
“Nugget! There’s some leftover cream, will you help me finish it?“ he offered, hoping his voice would find the toddler somewhere in the living room. However, he didn’t expect to see your son carrying a glass vase filled with the flowers your husband got you for today, still bound up in plastic because he knew you liked preparing them yourself.
Your son did not know that and probably tried to prepare it for you, but how he wobbled on his feet made it really scary to watch him carry such a frail glass object.
“Careful!” Ennoshita yelled, and the cake fell from his hands as he reached for his son the same second the toddler dropped the vase. It shattered on impact, being quite thin and dainty, but Ennoshita had sprung into action quickly enough to get his son off the floor before he could trip onto the shards. He had him in a tight grip by each of his armpits, breathing heavily before pulling him to his chest, assuring himself that his baby was safe and sound.
“Sorry, Daddy. Can I still have the rest of the cream?” he asked, his guilty look familiar by now. Ennoshita sighed and turned around to see that the cake had indeed fallen face down. Lucky him.
And just as he was about to try and do something about it, his nose picked up a sharp smell of… smoke.
“Oh no, no, no!” Not letting go of his son, he ran into the kitchen where the cookies were burnt in the oven, so he quickly turned it off, opening the hatch and then the window, hoping it wouldn’t set off the-
Beep, beep, beep.
…fire alarm.
As his son started wailing in tune with the alarm, tears from all the things happening at once streaming down his face to mix with snot and drip onto his nice shirt, Ennoshita tried to reach up high enough to bring the alarm down.
The only thing that could make this worse, not including anyone getting hurt, was if you came home early…
“Chikara?”
Ennoshita glanced over his shoulder with a sheepish smile. “Happy Mother’s Day!”
masterlist
for the requester: thank you for requesting!! I’m sorry it’s not too fluffy but I’m sure you had a nice evening after you two cleaned everything up<3
thank you @cottonlemonade for helping me with this idea<33
#parenting event#haikyuu#haikyu x reader#hq x reader#fanfiction#hq#haikyuu x you#haikyu#haikyuu x reader#haikyu fluff#haikyuu fluff#ennoshita chikara x reader#ennoshita chikara#ennoshita x reader#haikyuu ennoshita#chikara#ennoshita#karasuno#dad!ennoshita
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DEVOTIONS WEEK DAY 2: POTIONS/DEATH
CW: Suicide attempt, suicidal ideations, mental breakdown, ableism, DDDNE
This is the first thing Zam does when he realizes that everything he has done this season has been absolutely useless: he kills himself.
Okay, he tries: he abruptly turns away, throws off all his armor, takes a few springy steps, and then jumps down. The height is small, but he has ridiculously few hearts, so it's enough...
A moment before landing something breaks on top of his head, and the fall does not cause any damage. The nasty swamp slime gets into his mouth, and he spits it out, at the same time shaking off the glass stuck in his hair.
– What do you think is the probability that he has milk? – Pyro asks Spoke, tossing another splash bottle in his hand. Zam stares at him. How the fuck did he even hit? He is disgusting and wet. He has milk, but only in the enderchest, and he is not stupid enough to believe that he will be given time to drink it. Or that it would make any difference.
– I don't know, man, – Spoke spreads his hands, – like, high? Doesn't matter. Let's continue my supervillain speech. Time is not infinite, you know.
He doesn't want to continue the conversation. He pukes on the spot. He reeks of corpse rot. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be anywhere at all. Oh, God, can he just fucking die already?
Mapicc rolls his eyes. He looks annoyed, but not surprised. He and Spoke exchange understanding glances. Zam mechanically wipes his mouth from vomit, staring past them. There are too many things around. Everything is too bright and distinct. He wants to pierce through his belly with a sword, and he is horrified to realize that this will not help.
They- they don't even laugh at his insignificance and helplessness, they see it as an expected hindrance, as something that will happen when you tell the PrinceZam about the impending apocalypse. For some reason, it's so much worse. The vomit is creeping up in his throat again.
Step. Another. Third. This time he jumps into the void – because the Abyss kills anything, and even if not, suffocating in the infinity is still better than being next to them. That's the only thing he wants right now – to die.
He barely does not manage to reach y 0 when he is teleported back to their feet, and he falls to the knees. He violently coughs up bile. Deep disgust fills every cell of his body.
– Listen, – Mapicc says wearily, – let's skip this part. Yes, Spoke has backdoored the server, yes, he has an OP, and yes, no mundane plots have any meaning anymore. Wormhole will open in a week. Are you with us?
He lowers his head. His hands are shaking. He wants to wash himself. He wants to be anywhere else. He wants warm clothes and soft food. He wants to go home and bake a pumpkin pie. He wants to kill himself.
– Earth to the PrinceZam,– Spoke snaps fingers in front of his face, – bro, hang off. I need your answer. I'm only giving you a choice anyway because you're different. Be faster.
He opens his mouth and stutters and gasps. Nothing in his body works properly. For the first time in months, he can't say anything. Why-why at all. What's the difference. They can't make his life worse. They won't be able to mess up any more. They are not-
A blurry image with black and red appears in front of his face. Black hair. A pale face. A red hoodie. Bandana. Horns. Zam doesn't have to think about it to know that it's Mapicc.
– Listen, – Mapicc's voice comes to him as if from under water, - I know it's hard, – no, he has no idea, – and really, really sucks. but this is the situation we find ourselves in now. Right now, you don't have to do much, right now you just need to make one decision. Okay?
Something inhuman is bursting out of him. He's throwing up again. Mapicc sighs.
– Hey, – he says too calmly, – it's hard, I know. But not worse than the end of season two, right? – much, much worse, – just take a deep breath, exhale, give yourself time to think and make a decision, okay? And we'll leave you alone.
He can't. He can't. He is not-
– If I refuse, – he says, dead–straight, – will you let me die?
– No, of course not, – Spoke's voice comes from somewhere to the side, and he doesn't have enough strength to turn his head, – why did we try otherwise? Wait for the Wormhole, and I'll think about it. Maybe I'll give you endless effects, or maybe I'll let you die in peace. Who knows? I haven't decided yet.
– Don't listen to him, – Mapicc interrupts, irritated, – don't think about it. Just decide whether you want to destroy this world or fight for its preservation. If you want to keep it, the defenders will pick you up sooner or later. If you want to destroy it, you will become the third with me and Spoke. We will work together. Like before.
He's looking past them. His heart is beating too fast.
– if I join you, – he says dryly, – will you let me die?
– When you will finish your work? – Spoke giggles, – yeah, sure, why not. It wouldn't matter.
He swallows a lump. His throat hurts. Mapicc seems to be looking right at him. He's suffocating. He doesn't want any of this.
– Okay, – he says in the end, – I'll help you. And then you'll let me go.
Spoke grins.
– And that's the deal! Good job, PrinceZam. That's more like it.
At least Mapicc and I will be friends again, he thinks detachedly. At least there's anything good about it. Maybe I can get over it. Even if it's only to get the fuck out later.
#cw suicide attempt#cw suicide ideations#cw mental breakdown#cw ableism#cw dead dove#lsdevotionweek#do you remember how devious duo made their end island fully safe because they thought that zam will try to kill himself? bc i do.#d.fics#fanfiction#devotion duo
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oh my GOD you are so big brain the idea of stan resorting to prostitution when theyre trapped between dimensions and it forcing both of them to come to terms with their issues through what im sure would be a really ugly argument
why am i now imagining ford looping the way stan's voice sounded through his head. wrecked and strained and ford's stupidly big brain is happily filling the gaps in for him about what stan did to sound like that. all the gritty details of imagining stan getting on his knees for someone, how rough it mustve been for him to have slightly red eyes. did they pull on stans hair? was he nothing but a willing hole, relaxing his throat to let them in? or did he actively reciprocate? did he run his tongue along the underside of their cock and hum something meaningless just for the vibration?
and then at some point, those visualizations start veering wayyy to close to fantasies for fords comfort when he starts imagining stan kneeling in front of him. his hand is stans hair, yanking him deeper. stan looking up at him with tears pricking at the corner of his eyes from the effort. stan moaning for him just from the feeling of ford's cock shoved down his throat-
i also feel like with a multiverse quite literally endless, it might in the long wrong help ford and stan get more comfortable when it comes to their feelings for each other. hard to draw a line at incest when you see what looks like a living water fountain banging a dishwasher or some other crazy shit like that
(also please dont feel pressure to answer asks fast! youve got your own life and your own responsibilities and theres no rush to get to anything i send you i just like to chat :D)
-🐶
MY FRIEND!! thank you for being patient with me! the last week and a half have been WILD and i have been chomping at the bit to get to my ask box! i'm sorry it's taken so long to get to this (and tbh i had kiiiind of hoped i would be done with this piece so i could share when i responded but fuck it! we'll get there! i wanna talk!) but i need you to know that this fuckin ask has absolutely been fueling me through the like. 6600 words i have written of this damn idea so far hahaha. so in exchange for all the lovely inspiration, i will tell you a bit about what i will hopefully be able to finish soon-ish here! cause like. YES. absolutely just love the idea of ford slowly figuring out what's going on and getting caught up on all the little details -- like what the fuck does the dick look like on a dishwasher, right???? how the hell did stan even figure out how to get something like that off?? is the technique applicable to ford's dick???? and honestly, i haven't delved as far into that whole train of thought as i had originally planned to (and might go back and add to it, who knows!) so i just really LOVE coming back to this ask and ruminating on all of THAT.
not to say that we aren't getting at least a LITTLE bit of it, of course! for you, 🐶, a snippet of what i've got so far because this bit in particular was absolutely inspired by this ask!
#stancest#pretend my ask tag is cute#i really wanted to finish this last weekend!#and then i got SICK AS HELL#and lost my mind over some fem!stan instead#so maybe we'll actually get this done sometime soon!
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I really appreciate Taash and the bond that they and my nonbinary Rook have developed, but I didn't like the decision I had to make for them. Nor did I believe the dichotomy needed to be as stark as it was, especially given how the Antaam are in DATV.
As a whole, DATV is up there as one of the better games I played this year. It's a lot of fun, especially when the world opens up. I love the characters, environments, humour, puzzles, and Rook. Too, the narrative framing around some of the companions is cinematic in a way rarely seen in videogames. A moment during Emmrich's quest had me laughing in delight as they deliberately used the techniques of old horror movies... because that's what genre Emmrich is in, he's the protagonist of a black and white horror movie. (Knowing that, do I think it's a good idea to let him become a Lich? 🤔). It was theatrical, experimental, a little campy, and I loved that they could play around with genre and narrative this way.
But I understand some of the criticisms. The world of Thedas is still complicated but much is hidden in text. So while I don't feel the loss as others do, I read everything and there are also things I don't actually want in the games ever again (broodmothers, for example), I can see how DATV would feel far from its previous worldbuilding if you rely on environmental storytelling. Especially with how the Qunari have been handled. The Antaam is a fascist sect that broke away from the Qun, but without more Qunari to balance them, it does feel like an excuse for the game to have a faceless hoard of othered enemies.
Taash's quests were a good opportunity for a counterbalance against the Antaam but I feel like their conclusion made the problems with the Qunari worse. Maybe The Iron Bull needed to be there in some capacity to fill that whole situation out properly?
#navel gazing#datv#dragon age the veilguard#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age taash#taash#emmrich volkarin
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"I think it fits.. more so, it is easy for most to leave me alone if I hope with something along the lines of... my master awaits me.. before I excuse myself. They really don't bother with anything after.." Even if they shifted the topic, Ziatrix speaks without regard.
To her it's just an endless banter, one that fills silence, and so long as their lips are moving, the other won't fret so much about how things are done, or when they'll finally be consumed.
"Why thank you master.."
Still some more items to get, easier for them to move together for this last stretch at least. The more a maid walks around town, appears in random places, and scales walls. The more likely they'll be stopped and questioned by some idiot who can't let some amazing thing they saw go.
"It should be a short trip then...will we find a room for this? A sleep in a cozy bed will do you fine master. Beyond camping all the time, we could use it to store instead of always needing to go back out and bury stuff."
"Even if we left during the night early, the only people who may be...upset would be the staff."
"As you wish."
She walks perfectly at Browning's side, almost in perfect step. Almost as if she's having a lot of fun with this idea of hers, and it seems to be paying off. Though people may look, the fact they stand out but Ziatrix plays her role so well, causes many to murmur, but no one to really stare or approach.
Who would of thought the craziest creature, would be a perfect maid.
There was something rather dull about their walk over towards their destination. Perhaps it was the lack of excentric banter from her unnatural companion. Despite her protests about it, Browning had grown quite fond for her odd manner of speak. It was unique and a preferable alternative to drifting around with silence she had grown so tired of. She’s already had enough experience with it already.
Of course, she was ever concerned if this fondness was tied at all to her corrupting influence on her very being. After all, the pair were now tied together by that abhorrent hunger that lingered in the shadows, growing in power at every second. Who’s to say she couldn’t slowly loose sense of her own individuality…and desire to be one…as it should be. The doll only could hope that some abject rejection of her being could quell those lingering ideas of assimilation.
Of course, it was only a hope for a reason. There wasn’t anything that could entirely prove her right.
“I’ll trust you for now but it isn’t as big as you think it is. I’ll be getting some supplies as well, we’ll me up again on the intersection of Blanchet and Woodbury. Make sure to keep a low profile and if you can, don’t buy everything in one place. Spread out your purchases. If you can’t buy it, take it…but don’t get caught.”
A pensive scowl etched itself across her features as she spoke with an authoritative confidence befitting her status as a squad leader. Digging around her pocket, she pulled out what seemed to be a bundle of bills she had rolled up into a neat stack. Splitting it down in half, she gave Ziatrix half and kept the other for herself. It may not be much, but it could cover the cost of the more mundane items they might need.
Hours had passed by while the two departed on their separate ways with nothing particularly exciting to really show for Browning. A couple of pots and pans here and there, some glass mason jars, a few newspapers she had gathered from the streets, cotton string, a packet of charcoal, and some plastic jerry cans for some reason. Of course, that paled in comparison to the pipes and fittings her disciple in destruction had acquired.
The doll seemed rather impressed with her abominable companion with what she’d acquired. She had a lingering question of how much of it was acquired from legitimate means instead of simply snatching it away. Yet, those questions were shot down before they came from her mouth. Right now, none of that exactly mattered to the blonde. Especially considering that the threat of being hunted loomed over the both of them.
“Eh…not too content with that whole master bit but you did well. I’m…proud of you, Zia…never thought I would say that. Ahem, anyways~…”
She shifted the conversation from the blush inducing topic.
“We’ll need some alcohol, some industrial grade bar soap, sugar…and gasoline…lots of it…but I don’t think we’ll be able to get that until nightfall…For now, we should drop off the stuff we have and double up to get the last few things…Come on.”
#;;Ziatrix#auntie-browning#maybe on their way we can have that - encounter happen where they're left without option and Ziatrix 'eats'
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Big charrpost? big charrpost
Thought I might aswell put out the Charr I have out there! Most of them only really have relatively simple backstories so I'll just provide small details.
Pythus Swifttail: Blood Legion Warrior. Thick in every sense of the word. Not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to anything else but winning a fight
Aereth Bladecurrent: Blood Legion Elementalist. Medic by trade, usually runs the blood legion section of the infirmary at the Black Citadel. Reclusive due to attitudes towards his magic, but open towards those that show acceptance.
Thax Blurrblade: Unaffiliated Mesmer. Left the legions after he was found to be gifted in illusion magic in the fahrar. Spends most of his time stealing identities with masterful illusions and using suggestion to get where he wants to be
Callum Bladeflurry: Blood Legion Revenant. Amnesiac, fell back into the world with no recollection of anything but his name. Has a high affinity for sensing ripples in the mists
Verus Venarum: Unaffiliated Holosmith. Left the legions after his warband died in a freak accident. Now works in pact workshops. Does not want to talk about his time as a legion soldier. (The ash legion pendant he still keeps is unrelated to anything)
Atticus Wildblade: Blood Legion Ranger. Expert marksman with a bow and just as deadly with a greatsword. Also a skilled natural biologist, will talk your ear off about a local ecosystem. The mask stays on always
Crito Gleamblade: Blood Legion Firebrand. Rather standard Paladin vibes with him. Will use himself as a wall of muscle and magic to defend that which he is ordered to defend
#Charr#guild wars 2#I really need to fill out some of the ideas I have for them#and maybe a female Charr hah
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But like hypothetically if I decided to make a series of YouTube video breaking down and rambling about how I think the first year trio encompass the full gradient scale of what it means to be “morally good” and how by the end of the series they have grown exponentially but their moral inner workings are so entrenched in who they are they never needed to change they just became more of who they already were.
Because initially Yuuji wants to save the world in that abstract way all heroes do, Megumi is only interested in saving those he can save and Nobara is only interested in those she wants to save. And all these are treated as morally valid by the narrative and not really flaws in need of changing but instead philosophies in need of refining and understanding.
Because Jujutsu Society as a whole encourages and thrives off a moral apathy or superiority, they are in the business of killing curses not saving lives and that ultimately raises the question of if you’re going out there everyday killing curses and inadvertently saving lives does it really matter the reason why? Or the morality behind it? Maybe not to you but to the society, maybe.
So anyway, hypothetically ….would you be hypothetically interested👀
#this is me testing the waters of interest#I’ve been really toying with the idea of making a “the psychology of trilogy for these three for such a long time#but unfortunately I am a creature of procrastination#their moral philosophies and the spectrum they encompass is just so interesting to me#especially because yuuji who arguably has the most selfless philosophy is the only one constantly questioned on it#and having to reshape what the idea of it means to him and he more or less still comes up on the same side just slightly to the left#but I think for him now it’s more than some abstract promise to his grandfather to protect those that need protection#now it’s seeing the worst the world has to give the way people seem to be doomed by the narrative they were born in#and deciding to fight for them anyway#It’s why even after everything he still offers sukuna the chance to have another go round#a chance for a life filled with something more than curses#I don’t think the Yuuji at the beginning of jjk would have understood or done that.#Yuuji’s whole arc is kinda about becoming more of who you already were cracks and all.#don’t even get me started on my girl nobara#hopefully November will be my month#watch out world Kacie YouTube incoming#jjk#throwing thoughts to the void#jujutsu kaisen#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#yuuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#kugisaki nobara#nobara#yuuji#jjk megumi#jjk yuji#itafushikugi
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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drawing fanart everyday for Danganronpa: A New Generation until the First Episode comes out
Day 233: Sliding Scale of Log Quotes
Check out the fangan!
#DGNG#mikazuki enoki#rosie darwin#asaro abeno#dailydgng#I’ll make an updated list if I even need to fill a line-long space in the frame#chika and quana’d be almost right below mikazuki#kya and nishimura’d be a bit higher than asaro#or lower#actually basically everyone else’d be lower than rosie#them getting a bit more serious as more come in (with a few outliers probably) does make sense#assuming you’re reading them in order#since they’re supposedly pre-series reading material read before the first episode#I had a theory a bit ago that they were in meeting order for when naruko wakes up protag-style being helped up by nishimura#but it kinda got tossed aside since poppi came out a few logs after julien#speaking of theories#there’s something interesting about quana’s quote#I have some semblance of an idea but I probably shouldn’t write it here#I should probably start analyzing the log entries#I kinda did that for chika when she came out and a bit for mikazuki#but I haven’t really written out my thoughts on the first half a dozen ones yet#stuff about asaro’s number of siblings and julien’s naruko-assigned death flag(?) and quana’s hesitance with strangers#it’s meant to get you thinking anyway
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One of the little bits I don't think I've ever talked about with the Tideturners is that, like, a big theme with how it handles Commanders is not that 'they're the Main Character' and rather that 'before the Commander was the Commander, they were just someone who wanted to make a difference in the world.' And thus, by extension, 'ANYONE could have been the Commander, they're really just an ordinary person whose greatest strength is in the bonds they forge with others.' Even at their strongest, the Commander is still working together with a full team to accomplish their goals. The only difference between them and any other OC is that they were in the right place at the right time to make a specific difference, and the end result is that they became someone people could look up to and rely on. Ruju is, in many ways, the perfect illustration of that.
He's not the ideal hero. He's not some grand legend. He's kind of a dork, he was BARELY passable in asuran society, he has a hot temper and says stupid things that he'll have to make amends for. He has a whole history of mistakes to live up to and improve from. In a timeline where he zigged when he should've zagged, he just became some guy in the Pact helping with tech support instead. In another, he became a scourge that would burn his own world to the ground. The odds that he would become the Commander were 1 out of 3. And if you broaden that scope even more to include the multiverse as a whole, those odds drop to an absolutely microscopic percentage.
Within their own world, the Commander is someone important. But when you take them out of that world, and place them into a much broader perspective, they're just one of many-- another face in the Mists War, no different from any other. In another timeline, nobody is going to know who they are-- because there, they're not the Commander. Someone else took that role, not because they were better or more important or more qualified in any way, but because they were there when this other Commander wasn't and that's all there is to it. They weren't there, so someone else was instead.
The Commander could've been just about anyone. And because of that, anyone could've been the Commander. One of the big goals I want to explore is the idea that even characters who didn't share the same experiences can still stand side-by-side with those who did, because it's not about what you've done but about what you want to do in the future. None of them can succeed on their own.
But, together, they all just might stand a chance.
#my posts#Tideturners AU#GW2 Commander#Commander Ruju#I have so many feelings ok#this'll probably be another banger 0 note post but like#mannnn. this is the kind of thing i Really want to explore#really digging into not just what it means to be the Commander but also that they need their allies just as much as their allies need them#the Commander literally couldn't be who they are without all the people who stood by their side through the years#so while i definitely have plans for the Commanders to get some special things. there'll be a lot they Can't do as well#the Tideturners is a story all about working together to overcome impossible odds. I want it to really FEEL like GW2 y'know?#like that's what I want out of a roleplay group here: a story that feels like it captures the spirit of what makes GW2 good#while also giving participants the freedom to explore how it develops in a much more flexible way than you could in-game#(if anyone ever wants to like. talk ideas i will always be extremely down for that because I am Filled with thoughts)#(and also am very curious for other input on how to really build it up and make it all even more immersive for people)#anyway. throws this into the void
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Living life yay huzzah yay
#a#I have beef with my school. am I happy here? absolutely. do I think we are beyond lame for not having an actual guy? 100%#letters don’t count!!!!!!!! having a capital letter for your school doesn’t count!!!!!!!!!!#like it’s not even a complete absence of a team no just like a silly little physical guy than runs across the field#and can be all cute on stuff on shirts and be stuffed animals it’s the marketing potential they’re missing out on#though I guess I’d rather have no physical dude than one which sucks complete ass I’m talking about pen state fuck that guy#I need to watch the gnomes again wait oh my fucking god I was thinking like damn I did the gnomeo juliet ace attorney moment#but my brain is knee deep in hellsing so idk how to connect them but bruh every piece of media has some form of rivals#I’m not emotionally invested in andercard but the idea of Catholic and Protestant gnomes is really funny#and they’re already British!! lovely!!! at some point in college I need to use gnomes for a grade I can’t let that be a high school only bit#did you know that gnomeo and Juliet is technically owned by Disney? add that to your marvel cinematic universe#oh gnomeo and Juliet poster we’re really in it now#did you know that the version of hello hello that’s in the movie featuring lady Gaga is not on streaming services? they take lady Gaga out#it’s really unfortunate the echos and duet aspect make the song it’s not just one or the other it’s Two Gnomes!!#have two exam grades back that I have not looked at out of fear#either they’ll be bad and I’ll watch hellsing to make myself feel better Or they’ll be good and I’ll watch hellsing as a reward#unrelated but it looks like a gutter on the other side of my dorm got busted and I’m trying to figure out if it’s always been like that#maybe it has and I’m not a gutter glorifier like I thought I was…. rip observational skills#I have a group project I have to work on and it’s evil I do not enjoy the class and it’s not very lgbt slay girlboss of me#but god dammit I am not filling out a fucking gender unicorn for your class that’s between me and my tumblr drafts from 2019#it gets a credit out of the way and I never have to take it again I am so strong#man what does it say about society that I’m more excited about Econ than wgs (it says nothing the Econ professor is just goofy and fun)#(also he does more than read off of slides and show those like buzzfeed social experiments)#but none of that is important since next week is when things get fucked and I’ll end up with more free time! yay strikes!!#update: made it back from project zone those fuckers held me hostage using social norms#it’s okay though I’m sooo strong and brave#talkingcore
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#i really don't understand some fans' obsession with numbers and charting#i wonder what their idea of success looks like#having a number one album is huge fucking deal#you don't need a tiktok trend to define success#you don't need to push it on every radio and play the song everywhere to define success#of course it would be nice to casually hear louis on the radio sometimes but that'snot the point#louis is not a struggling artisti#very far from it actually#he's a very successful one#and even if he had to rely on only his fanbase to sell or fill up a tour or whatever he'd still be fucking successful bc it's fucking huge#fanbase#i don't get this letter at all and to be honest i find it a little bit stupid#i'll never be able to write down an articulated post about my thoughts but i just felt like throwing them out in the open anyway
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You know, I’d really like to know more about chronic headaches and migraines. I don’t know that most of my headaches really fit the migraine definition, but I’m not sure if it’s my high pain tolerance/ability to block out pain or if there’s something different at play. I usually have no idea what kind of headache is going on, and then sometimes the pain is just...weird and depresses my will to do anything without necessarily escalating or being the primary problem going on. (sometimes I can’t even tell you where the pain is except for “my head,” and it seems like describing where the pain is coming from is a big thing for doctors?)
I’m hesitant to label what’s going on because I really don’t know what’s happening and struggle to put my own pain into words, but it’s a fine line between “accurately describing what’s going on, including the severity or lack thereof of pain” and “don’t want to downplay how much this affects me.” I get headaches multiple times a week, which is a lot less than I used to, and it’s been a while since I had headaches every other day. Now it’s more like every 3-4 days, with longer and shorter stretches. But I have had awful headaches and most headaches are just routine! Even filling out pain scales is hard because honestly a lot of the time the sensation of pain isn’t the primary problem.
#like man. today was rough.#but i didn't have brain fog! and it sort of felt like a tension headache i think? except for whatever messed up thing happened to my mood#and made it so i was utterly exhausted and barely able to get through some spreadsheets#and i guess i was light sensitive?#but was i really?#literally unless pain is one-sided and eye-stabbing i have no idea what kind of headache is going on#(okay there are overheating headaches that are pretty specific but other than that)#like it's one big grey blob of *i don't know but there's discomfort* and that's not helpful for diagnostics!#idk why it's so hard but it is#maybe i need to start filling out one of those multidimensional pain charts for a while to see if that's helpful?#it just seems like most people online with migraines are very clear exactly what's happening to them because the pain is so distinct#and so i don't think most of my headaches are migraines? i certainly don't get aura the way my mom does
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HOT OR NOT? POKEMON
There are a lot of pokemon out there. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad.
the world of pokemon is a beautiful one filled with many "types" of pokemon. some pokemon are steel. some pokemon are bugs. some of them are even normal. lately i have found myself thinking, which pokemon is the most steel? which pokemon is the most bugs? which pokemon is normal? and today i am proud to say i have answered these questions and more.
It can be hard to decide, since there are so many of them, but luckily I'm here to make that decision for you. i have definitively chosen the most representative (most) least representative (least) personal favorite (best) and least favorite (worst) design of every pokemon type. and i will now explain it to you in detail
now keep in mind we are ONLY talking about design here. lore is not coming into play whatsoever. if you want to explain to me why xyz pokemon is actually the most/least/best whatevertype pokemon because it's based on this or that: i don't care. that's not why we're here. we're judging books by their covers today
Normal Type
Most - Herdier: This is just a regular ass dog, which may be considered one of the normalest things on the planet. It doesn't get much more normal than this, folks.
Least - Arceus: If i saw this thing it would be one of the least normal days of my life.
Best - Skitty: This is just a perfect design, there isn't anything bad you could possibly say about it and if you tried I'd hit you. Look at that face. ^_^
Worst - Castform (Normal): It looks like either a pair of balls or casper with a fat rack and in either case it's just kind of unappealing to look at.
Grass Type
Most - Shaymin (Land Forme): Although 'grass' a type represents all plant life, I am choosing to interpret it literally here. Shaymin is the grassiest of all grass pokemon, and although this is not part of the criteria, it is also very cute so lets all take a moment to appreciate that
Least - Kartana: this is an origami swordsman bug thing which to me isn't really Grass at all. I do love the design but it's not very grassy. yeah paper comes from plants but gun to my head i would have not guessed grass type for this pokemon in top 3, maybe not even top 5.
Best - Wo-Chien: I just think this guy represents a ton of pokemon design philosophy at its best. It has a very strong sense of color, good use of shape, is just a tiny bit strange, and most importantly is a kind of Creature i would like to hang out with
Worst - Calyrex: The more realistically proportioned hare head with the strange body does NOT work for me. I'm not mad about the massive berry on top at all but why the perfectly round torso? Why the stubby little arms? Why the noodle legs with the thigh high boots? I think you could fix this one pretty easily ultimately but it really needs fixin
Water Type
Most - Wailord: Although there is no actual water in wailord's design, the mere presence of a whale implies the necessity for an amount of water that is almost as catastrophically overwhelming in its absence as its presence.
Least - Palkia: Other than looking like an anthropomorphized speedboat palkia is not particularly aquatic in its nature
Best - Lapras: There's a lot of great water pokemon designs but i think lapras is firing on all cylinders. Really a classic pokemon design.
Worst - Quaquaval: There are a lot of pokemon that are uncomfortably anthropomorphic and there have been since gen 1. It's not something I'm against in concept at all and it's produced some of my favorite pokemon designs of all time. But unfortunately when it flops it flops hard. Seriously, what are these proportions? Perfectly fine idea for a pokemon just executed with shocking inelegance.
Fire Type
Most - Gigantamax Cinderace: This is simply the most amount of fire you're getting in a fire pokemon. Biggest bang for your buck
Least - Blacephalon: Another ultra beast design that is, as a design, excellent, but i would not be able to guess the typing on the first try if you put a gun to my head
Best - Chandelure: What if a haunted chandelier was your friend. Enough said. This thing just rules
Worst - Cinderace: Everything I said about quaquaval is equally true here.
Fighting Type
Most - Machamp: He's a wrestler with four arms this is as fighting as fighting gets
Least - Meditite: This is a small child in an open, peaceful stance. I sense no violence here. If he were to fight, he would have been provoked.
Best - Mienshao: effortlessly elegant design that conveys the aesthetics of martial arts and combines it with the simplified animal anatomy and strong shape language that represents pokemon at it's best
Worst - Gurdurr: This entire line is profoundly uncomfortable to me but the prominent near-bursting veins and inexplicable hourglass figure are at their worst here.
Flying Type
Most - Altaria: This is a bird made out of clouds, which is the most flyingest a thing could be.
Least - Shaymin (Sky Forme): This dude doesnt look like its feet are getting off the ground anytime soon if i'm being quite honest
Best - Sigilyph: Great example of what flying type can look out when you branch away from simple birds. The stranger and less organic feeling pokemon are collectively some of my favorite and i think sigilyph is one of the more effective ones.
Worst - Enamorus: 😬
Electric Type
Most - Xurkitree: The Exposed Copper Wiring Pokemon. Great stuff. Also a banger design on top of being the most. i love the ultra beasts
Least - Alolan Geodude: I understand the eyebrows and hair are supposed to be gatherings of lead sand but its still not giving electrivity. it just looks like a rock, one of the least electric things on the planet
Best - Rotom (All Forms): I wanted to put every rotom here but there was no way to arrange that easily. Just picture all the other rotoms here too. Rotom is awesome it's normal design is just cute and fun and then all of the other appliances are just a great concept.
Worst - Elektrike: Not unforgivably bad or anything but just kind of a design that doesn't convey a lot of information or have any appeal to it. Completely forgettable.
Poison Type
Most - Galarian Weezing: This guy is the most poisonous possible poison you could have. This guys hobby is global warming. This guy is dumping carcinogens into the river. And not just incidentally. He's ideologically motivated AND gets pleasure from it.
Least - Oddish: Not only do I not believe eating an oddish would poison me, i think oddish is healthy. I think it's good for you.
Best - Ivysaur: It's impossible to truly extract the nostalgia from my feelings towards the gen 1 pokemon designs but I think we can all agree. Ivysaur looks great
Worst - Eternatus: Does not even look like it belongs in the same franchise as anything else on this list so far. And on top of that, it looks stupid. 0/10. I do like the version of it that's an evil hand though.
Psychic Type
Most - Mega Alakazam: This dude looks like he should be airbrushed on a black velvet tapestry. I can't imagine anything more psychic than that.
Least - Exeggcute: Picking a least psychic pokemon was a hard one, because although we have some specific idea of what a psychic is, it's hard to say what one isn't. Ultimately, I don't think a handful of cracked eggs feels very psychic to me. I'm not sure what they feel like to me to be honest.
Best - Deoxys: Take a note, people, this is how you design a pokemon that's 'cool'
Worst - Necrozma: Take a note, people, this is not how you design a pokemon that's 'cool'
Ground Type
Most - Dugtrio: Dugtrios presence in the area is synonymous with the ground. in the same way that wailord's existence comes with the implicit presence of huge amounts of water, dugtrio's existence comes with the explicity presence of The Ground, because it's part of the design. We will never know dugtrio in its entirety, we will only see as much of it as the ground lets us.
Least - Whiscash: That's a fish, it shouldn't be on the ground.
Best - Trapinch and Claydol: I really really wanted to avoid ties here but please indulge me just this one. These are two creatures that are perfectly made but each in its own distinct way.
Worst - Zygarde (Complete Forme): Overdesigned as fuckkkkkk
Ice Type
Most - Avalugg: This guy's ice.
Least AND Worst - Jynx: Not only is Jynx not particularly icy, changing the skintone was really not enough to redeem this design.
Best - Glaceon: There aren't any bad eveelutions. That said, glaceon isn't my favorite. However in the contect of ice pokemon I think it does a great job of using shape language and colors that feel icy without needing to actually resort to just chucking ice onto it. A lot of ice pokemon are either a little bit too on the nose or just outside of my taste bracket
Bug Type
Most - Caterpie: Very bug.
Least - Pineco: this is a pinecone with eyes, which is different from a bug.
Best - Leavanny: Look at that winning smile :)
Worst - Buzzwole: TOO SWOLE!!!!
Rock Type
Most - Onix: You may think it would have been geodude, who is just a rock with arms, but onix is actually just a rock with a face which is then attached to SEVERAL MORE ROCKS. That's as rock as it gets.
Least - Sudowoodo: You can't pull the wool over my eyes. That's a tree.
Best - Lunatone: What if the moon was kind of creepy and also your pet.
Worst - Terrakion: Think this motherfcukers just ugly
Dragon Type
Most - Mega Charizard X: We all know Charizard is a dragon but that's only sometimes true. When it's true, it's very true.
Least - Tatsugiri (All Forms): Why is a piece of sushi a dragon. I do support it don't get me wrong. But I'm not exactly following the throughline
Best - Rayquaza: I think sometimes the legendary pokemon end up in the Too Much category but I think rayquaza pushes riiight up against that edge without going over it.
Worst - Dracovish: Shitting on the mix and match fossilized pokemon feels kind of like low hanging fruit. I honestly think they're kind of fun in concept. But this just looks stupid
Ghost Type
Most - Haunter: Self explanatory
Least - Decidueye: A very fun design but it feels like its got much too life in it to be ghostly.
Best - Polteageist: I'm insanely biased because I love ghosts and have a teapot collection so when i saw they put a ghost in a teapot i was overjoyed and it became my favorite pokemon as a whole instantly.
Worst - Gholdengo: Looks like the mascot for a string cheese brand
Dark Type
Most - Guzzlord: Dark type in japanese is Evil type which certainly has different connotations. In either case, I think whatever it means for a pokemon to be dark or evil is embodied here.
Least - Scraggy: I don't think this guy is particularly sinister at all.
Best - Mega Absol: I'm just so charmed by mega absol because it is indistinguishable from the kind of thing a teen with a deviantart would have drawn. It's like an edgy emo fairy white haired anime boy angel sparkledog. But despite that it still has a lot of aesthetic integrity and manages to only be a bit over the top in a way i think it's suited for.
Worst - Mega Sharpedo: This cluttered design pretty much undoes anything that's successful about sharpedo's standard form
Steel Type
Most - Melmetal: the unrelenting metalness of this guy is not even tanted by any even vaguelt biological components
Least - Wormadam (Trash Cloak): Not a single visibly metallic part on this pokemon
Best - Magearna: A clockwork magical girl... what a great design. i love her. so cute. there's really strong competition in steel type though
Worst - Varoom: Something about this guy looks agonized to be alive. And I feel that agony too. It looks like a motorcycle that was in the process of being transmogrified into a creature but the process was incorrectly terminated halfway through and now it lives a cursed and painful existence.
Fairy Type
Most - Mega Diancie: this thing could give me a quest to save the world and i would listen to it
Least - Galarian Weezing: I also wanted to do no duplicates but once again I will ask you for my forgiveness. Clearly this thing is the least fairy fairy. Not only is it unfairy, I think it tortures fairies. I think it's the villain in a movie where a bunch of children have to rescue a gang of captured fairies who are being used to power a Pollution Factory. I think this things grinds fairies up into dust and uses them to line the rim of its cocktail glass.
Best - Klefki: Klefki is soooo fun. I feel like if klefki was a ghost pokemon it wouldn't hit the same way because the idea of a haunted keyring is fun, sure, but it's notwhere near as good as a Whimsical Enchanted Keyring.
Worst - Zacian: this thing could give me a quest to save the world and im not sure i would listen to it. man the legendary dogs are just kind of a mess aesthetically
Okay that's all of the types. I don't really have a way to end this post. Of course there are a bunch of really good designs and really weird and cluttered ones that I didn't get a chance to talk about but. Idk man I can't rate every pokemon design there's just too many of them. there you have it.
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