#I really need to de-stress

[falling-mellow]

//Vent

So I’ve been dealing with some problematic sleep issues. Dare I say I might be turning into an insomniac, much to my distress.

For basicly this entire month, every single night, I hardly get any sleep. Some nights none at all. On a good night between 3-4 hours.

It has been very. stressful for me and I am pooped. Midnights have been stress hell and this one rn is no different and I’m sick of it ugh.

I found something on the internet that perfectly describes my problem, and it seems like I am stuck in a vicious cycle.

But I am going to ask for the help of sleep therapy.

In the meantime, my new main focus is to find other things to focus on to de-stress, get this heart-rate down.

[avamoeba]

xavier justfish headshot design concepts :3

gloomy octo/common cuttlefish

[mxwhore]

dood dood

[cremeriie]

do you guys think his little ears twitch when he hears somthing

[flyingspicerack]

Aero Picarto Stream Sunday

:3 starting at abt 2pm, i will be streaming on sunday!! I'll be drawing and also maybe playing that painting game again? I had a lot of fun the last time so why not again, hell, ill make it a regular/kinda regular thing??

I dunno!! All i know is ill be on there tomorrow! ^^

[yaminerua]

Doctor appointment tomorrow and I’m just like. Please god let them give me something that can restore my ability to look at my face without wanting to die. Even if it never fully goes away at least something that can reign this redness back in to something bearable would be nice bc I am genuinely not coping very well with it as is

[cosmic-ships]

This will cheer me up for sure. It's older from 2016 but still. makes me smile-

He's so funny. Also he does a little giggle and smile around 2:00 that makes my heart flutter LOL this isn't one of my favourite bits but because he breaks a little at 2:00 it always gets a rewatch.

[convoloutedinjoke]

going to be honest, I dont think Kim Kitsuragi would want to be pregnant even if he was capable of it. he's 45 and has youth-related ptsd. if the geriatric pregnancy didn't take him out the teen years would. abort that thang

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

idk what my issue is today specifically but all the sudden this place is making my skin crawl so bad id literally just get in my car and drive away this week if I… had a functioning car that could take me back to Melb

[the-acid-pear]

Fighting for my life to not cry and losing

[vanillajunmyeon]

not me, still on dating apps despite them clearly not being for me, seeing a blond guy with blue eyes going he looks like arthur pendragon... and liking his profile

nevermind that i don't even know if i like men - still confused on that part because i do find them attractive in theory - or anyone for that matter (never beating the aroace allegations)

and OF COURSE we matched because idk (cis) men on dating apps have 0 standards? my profile sucks (2 shitty pics, silly bio that gives nothing away) and i'm listed as nonbinary (and! my name on there is not feminine, i'm REALLY TALL and my 2 pics don't scream "woman" yknow like sure i dont look androgynous but??) and yet... y e t i get a bunch of cishet men liking my profile... and worst of all cishet men i feel would in fact discriminate me for fun (the apolitical and centrists)

i'm hilarious tho bc while i find blond men with blue eyes real pretty (maybe bc of bradley james) blue eyes unsettle me (maybe because of asa butterfield) so idk what im trying to do there

(the guy does kinda look like arthur on his pics and he also looks like a veeeery specific and yet generic type of french guy at the same time - looks like a right-leaning catholic but apparently is neither)

[nerdynanny]

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY NERDY, I HOPE YOUR WEEKEND WAS FABULOUS

It was a lot of fun! Aside from my mother embarrassing me by being drunk as a skunk, I had a great time.

[stories-in-the-wind]

1 hour study of this photograph to de-stress after this week. Mountains are so simple and I needed to turn my brain off.

I didn't allow myself to color pick from my reference and had to choose all my colors manually. I actually got really close on a bunch of them! But my saturation was off. Pretty happy with the result.

[chasing-rabbits]

I am so stressed out. Today has been an AWFUL day for my anxiety and stress. First I yet again had to chase up my mental health team for an appointment and the first lady I spoke to was not outright rude rude but she was not great either. She just made my anxiety so much worse I was like voice trembling super sweating level of anxiety kind of a miracle I didn’t have a panic attack on the phone to her. I managed to get a last minute appointment as someone had made a cancellation so that’s on Thursday and tomorrow is my first therapy session in a month due to both mine and my therapists schedules meaning we had to cancel multiple sessions. Appointments really stress me out with my mental health team/psychiatrist because of the trauma I went through with my last one and it doesn’t help that as soon as I was transferred over here right off the bat I had to continually chase them up about anything and I got put in between a difference of opinion between my care co-ordinater and someone else who I always forget her actual job title tbh as my old CMHT didn’t have whatever she is and she said she made the role for herself so idk. So that was not fun and it doesn’t help that this place doesn’t actually let you see a specific psychiatrist like at my old place you would essentially get ‘assigned’ a psychiatrist and that’s who’d you see every appointment which is nice right (well so long as you get along with them) especially because it means they are familiar with you and your ongoing treatment especially as often times the write up notes sent to the GP aren’t as accurate or well documented compared to the actual check ups themselves so if you see a different psychiatrist every time all they have to go on is these poorly documented notes and that’s if they even find the time to read them given they are understaffed and overworked - more patients than psychiatrists to actually treat them means too many patients landing on each psychiatrist and not enough time. To the point I actually found out today that they have a waiting list for just general check up appointments with psychiatrists. Yes waiting lists are common for therapy or anything outside of seeing your psychiatrist or maybe I was lucky at my old CMHT because there was never a ‘waiting list’ my previous psych in my last appointment said he’d see me in 4-6 weeks well not him personally but that basically I’d have a check up then which is standard when medications are changed or upped you usually see a patient more often and its in my experience always been within a 4-6 week period. So there’s nothing odd about this except for the fact that’s not accurate and my ability to get an appointment is at the mercy of admin staff who may or may not understand the importance of receiving a timely appointment when meds are being upped.

[erinwantstowrite]

Dick and Tim would be REALLY good on reality tv,,, they're both charismatic (please do not forget that Tim makes friends/allies easily just like Dick can), handsome, CLEVER, and know how to play to a persona. i think they'd go on shows for fun and to de-stress. like one too many things piss them off in their daily lives and they could pretty much get a vacation from it just to go on these shows. no one in the family can talk to them and they get to annoy people, crack jokes, and get fun puzzles in the form of a literal puzzle or figuring out social dynamics of the other players.

sometimes they go on shows by themselves but mostly use it as a brotherly bonding activity. if it's a show where they can be a duo they're GOING to do it. and they're going in to play to a storyline, not to win. they don't need the money, they don't need the publicity, they just want to have fun. sometimes if they figure out that everyone on the show sucks and they get competitive, they'll win. but mostly their goal is "how can we make the funniest plot line look the most natural." or something like that. i know a producer LOVES to see them coming. i bet EVERYONE tunes in when they're on a show because they're fucking hilarious even if half of what they say are inside jokes. the rest of the family watches and they KNOW what those shits are pulling, they have betting pools where they guess what the two are gonna do next, they're the FIRST to make memes for both internet and for the family group chats.

one time they convinced Bruce to go (it's been many a years since he really had to play up the Brucie role, cause he's a dad now and the older he gets the more people expect him to mellow out, and even back when he was full Brucie, reality TV wasn't his thing). it was one of those survival based shows where you come is as a team and try to win together. Bruce got lost in the woods after going on a hike. The camera men literally lost him and Tim and Dick were playing it up for the camera. Dick cried and invited the other teams to a funeral. Tim had a speech that was basically "I think he's fine but this is my perfect opportunity to embarrass my dad with stories." The producers were like "we fucking killed Bruce Wayne oh my fucking god" and Bruce shows up at the funeral like "oh what a beautiful service my boys are so great." They won by pure luck and circumstances and they were actively TRYING to lose that game. They were gobsmacked at the end and everyone uses the moment they looked at each other in confusion and shock as reaction gifs

[foldingfittedsheets]

Here’s a story about the time I almost lost my virginity. This is of course a social construct and by a broader understanding had already been lost years earlier at a sleepover with my best friend. But I digress.

I was dating a boy in high school. I shall call him Drama Boy. DB was big into theater, he made home movies and did stage performances at his high school.

Now. I must make this notation here, because the ending to this story will be savage otherwise, but DB put entirely too much of his mental well-being on my shoulders. He was often depressed and it was my job to constantly be helping him to regulate that.

The night our story took place we had been dating for eight months. During those months had been a ludicrous amount of making out and groping, even one lusty fumble that almost ended in penetration I vetoed on the grounds of not having a condom. It’s worth noting the first time we made out I felt physically sick to my stomach but I assumed that was normal.

But our parents didn’t give us much opportunity to really do anything like we imagined real sex to be. Until he came over for a movie night and my parents left on a date.

Scandalous, some might say, of my parents to leave us unchaperoned. But my parents were very blasé about sexual topics. They knew I was well educated and careful. Their leaving was possibly a gift of privacy rather than carelessness.

So when DB arrived for our movie night, we both knew This Was The Night. The night we’d lose our virginity.

We were both nervous and excited. The weight of societal pressure blanketed both of us, convincing us that this was the most momentous night of sex either of us could ever have.

DB chose a wretched movie. We sat through the first part dutifully before we started making out sloppy style. As I’d said previously, we’d done plenty of making out and hand stuff. Which is why I noticed that DB did not seem to be as… rigid as he had on other occasions.

A kinder more mature lens has softened my perspective. He was so nervous. But at the time I was a bit offended that I wasn’t arousing enough to have him standing at full mast. Still, we forged ahead.

I sat patiently while he tried to unhook my bra, boredly watching the terrible movie in the background as he soldiered manfully toward defeating the two clasps containing the bounty of my bosom while insisting he didn’t need my help. It took about five minutes.

That out of the way we made out some more. Then DB pulled out his pièce de résistance. A condom. This was a big get for him. His family, unlike mine, were horribly conservative and of the opinion that marriage was worth waiting for. So his opportunity to secure this vital piece of equipment had been slim.

In fact, it had been so slim, that what he pulled out was an:

Unlubricated

Glow in the dark

Novelty condom

From a vending machine

At the bowling alley.

I wasn’t terribly enthused about any of those qualifiers, but I held my tongue.

Then came the worst part. DB couldn’t admit that the stress of performance had unmanned him. He continued to pretend his wobbly erection could facilitate the rigorous activity of putting on a condom. He attempted to force the dry clinging rubber down his dick as it softened like pudding under his fumbling hands.

I butted in and made with more kissing, certain that seeing me naked had been such a let down that he was going limp because of me. Surely the sight of my boobies should have been enough! Because they weren’t, I was convinced he wasn’t really into this deflowering at all.

It didn’t help that my enthusiasm for this activity was fueled purely by teen hormones rather than actual sexual attraction. Perhaps he felt the same. It was one thing to watch his penis with clinical curiosity but another to think that my young boobs didn’t excite the same lust I felt toward boobs.

Nevertheless. The condom was more or less on. With momentous energy he tried to jam our anatomy together and rolled a critical failure. His penis lost all rigidity and oozed away from insertion.

Panicking and embarrassed he exclaimed, “I think I put this on wrong!”

To my horror he began trying to remove the condom and put it back on the other way. Health instructors of ages past screamed in my head that the condom had now been stretched and unrolled.

Trying to jam it back on was certainly not safe, especially given the slackness of the anatomy in question. It would certainly tear- if he could even get it back on.

I broke out in a sweat watching him attempt the magic trick of convincing a flaccid penis that it really wanted to get better acquainted with a desiccated rubber tube prison.

“I just remembered!” I exclaimed.

He looked up at me, wretched with despair.

“I promised my parents I wouldn’t have sex tonight. I just remembered! Sorry!”

This could go down in history as one of the most bold faced and terrible lies ever told, a blatant falsehood on par with declaring the sky was green. But his face broke out in a terrible relief.

He disposed of the abused condom and I resecured my bra and we resumed watching the horrible movie, both of us relieved in our own way to set down the burden of Losing Virginity.

The next day I broke up with him.

This remains to this day one of the most savage things I’ve ever done, breaking up with someone the night after impotence.

But remember, dear reader! It wasn’t just the sex! His depression had already worn away my patience and our communication. The foibles of the night before had just illuminated the gaps where we couldn’t talk to each other properly. I was constantly comforting him over something, shoring up his brain chemistry with my relentless positivity.

I’d like to say that’s all it was, and look more charitably on my young self. But truthfully my tender pride had also been badly stung that I wasn’t worth rising to the occasion for. Comforting him over this latest mishap when my feelings were hurt was more than I could swallow.

DB took the breakup very poorly. About two weeks later he lost his virginity with the new girl he was dating. He called me to brag, sniffing through the airwaves for hints that he’d hurt me back.

When I congratulated him with utter sincerity and not a whiff of jealousy he was furious.

We stopped speaking for years, except on our mutual birthday when we’d wish each other a cordial “Happy birthday.”

He messaged me out of the blue one day years later to catch up. He was working in food service now. Was it true I was a lesbian? Yes, I assured him, that was true. He thought that was pretty cool.

Then he told me about this bisexual girl he worked with who was interested in a threesome. Did I want to have a threesome with him and his bisexual coworker?

The audacity. I couldn’t believe it. My mind filled with savage retorts like, if you understand I’m a lesbian why do you think I’d want you to be part of that? Why wouldn’t I just sleep with her without you?

But I remembered the utterly ruthless way I’d dumped him and as penance I swallowed all of the things I wanted to say and instead politely told him I was seeing someone, but thanks for the offer.

And that was it. He’d managed to shoot his shot not once, not twice, but three times, and never managed a home run. He struck out that last time, and we never spoke again.