#I really do hope its coherent

[cirrus-grey]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck the goddamn music-

I don't know the name for the technique but there's this thing that was in there that's the string players, like, tapping the instrument with the bow to create a more percussive sound and normally I wouldn't think too much of it but I swear to god it sounded like creeping spider legs. During the case set at Hill Top Road. With the very obvious references to the Buried and the Stranger and all the rest. Which dropped about a hundred Achives references including Jon's fucking name???

I have always respected the soundscaping they do at Rusty Quill but they're really going above and beyond for this show.

[vain-creature]

is it like… an inherent narcissistic trait that a person w NPD must be constantly manipulating and on edge and that every part of their life must be entrenched with the disorder?

I was thinking i might have it but unless in direct danger of vulnerability or being seen a certain way I just… chill? I’m not always on the lookout and manipulating and everything I do or don’t do isn’t always related or consciously related to it. Again, I’m just questioning so I might not be the best example of this, but I believe there are people with NPD who live “normal” lives, just with a disorder? People with diagnosed NPD who have friends and partners and family they’re not bent on manipulating for attention? That they like spending times with for the sake of it? And I’m sure there are people with NPD who have a job that has nothing to do with their disorders, or is even in direct conflict with it (for example something that draws little attention but that they like doing)? Because people with NPD still have a conscience and likes and dislikes.

Even discarding my own possibly non-NPD experience, it’s still weird the way people who have it are framed. And it is very characteristic of this personality disorder, and not any other (maybe aspd? i’m not sure).

For example, I was just reading an article on NPD, and the (clearly biased) writer said: a covert narcissist will pretend to be shy for attention. And I was like: or maybe they are shy? why can’t they just genuinely be shy? NPD is a disorder that affects people, not a strict way to be that controls every part of the person. People with NPD are still people and they still have personality, and they can be shy. Maybe the vulnerable narcissist is actually shy and quiet? Instead of presenting as such for attention.

I swear this view of the disorder is so stupid, I can’t believe it is the shared consensus.

Yeah, I think believing that every pw/npd is inherently a manipulator is extremely biased. Just because someone has NPD it doesn't mean they are a master manipulator, and depending on what it is comorbid with it can look really differently (eg. autism, like with me)(and don't get me started about how hard it can be to even notice that what you are doing/thinking/feeling is not really normal, especially with comorbidities!)

The disorder is inherently a part of how I view the world, sure, but it doesn't cause me distress 100% of the time, every second, every day. In my opinion the diagnostic criteria are pretty ambiguous (I am one of the "takes everything literally unless hinted otherwise" people so I went "well I am not doing x ALL the time so I don't fit the criteria")

I, personally, resort to manipulative actions when I am feeling like my ego is in danger, and in most cases it is, as I call it, a knee-jerk reaction, instinctual, automatic, subconscious. A lot of epithets, I know, but I want to convey the thing clearly sksksk. Even when I do it consciously, it is not malicious - my main goal is, always, first and foremost, preserving my ego, preserving my image. I don't deny that I may have hurt others through my actions, but I don't want it to happen. I don't like hurting others because it also endangers my ego, after all. Being a good person is very important to me, and both external and internal validation are really important for my mental well-being. If I went left and right hurting others it would be really damn hard to get that external validation!

So, when nothing like that is happening, I am well-adjusted, I would say, at least in the npd range. Do I still think of other people inferior and myself superior? Yeah. But I also have people my mind considers equal to me, people I genuinely enjoy spending time with. (Also like. just because I think someone is inferior it doesn't mean I treat them badly?????? Idk where that notion came from in anti-npd folk, but like in my eyes me treating people I find inferior nicely is actually proof how good of a person I am so like???)

Because of knowing I have NPD I have started noticing when I am manipulative, and, just like you said, I have at least the semblance of conscience, so I really try to restrict that. Not always works out, but at least I am trying. Not every pw/NPD is evil and malicious, after all.

Also, like, most people need some form of attention to be healthy, fishing for it has no negative value.

There seems to be this specific bias appearing when people write or generally perceive pw/NPD -> every little action, every trait, every word, is, actually, a well-orchestrated plan to manipulate or otherwise fool others. Well, that's straight up wrong. There's so much diversity in the world, it's not that improbable that someone with NPD could be shy, for example. We are not cartoon villains rubbing our hands together at every possibility to lie and deceive!

If the perception of NPD was not.... what it currently is :/// I would have known way earlier! At least for me it was a random coincidence that I learned stuff about NPD that was not the evil black-eyed demon from pop-psychology. I was extremely unaware of all the ways it manifested in me and now I can actually realize that my feelings and thoughts are actually often skewed.

There is always one article I like consulting about things NPD, NPD Basics from McLean Hospital, which outlines that current diagnostic criteria are... well. Really biased towards the grandiose side of NPD

The NPD diagnosis in DSM has been criticized for being one-sided and relying primarily on external socially and interpersonally striking and provocative features. As such, it has failed to capture the full range of narcissistic personality pathology, especially the internal vulnerability and insecurity characterized by severe self criticism, insecurity, confusion, shame, aloneness, and fear. Instead, the diagnosis has primarily emphasized external characteristics related to boasted grandiosity, and obviously adverse interpersonal functioning. Important aspects of the patient’s internal distress and painful experiences of self-esteem fluctuations, identity diffusion and emotional dysregulation have not been included.

Contrary to the external confidence, arrogance, and insensitivity, people with pathological narcissism and NPD tend to struggle with a shifting and conflicting sense of self and identity. Underneath a more noticeable self-praising or self-enhancing outward facade they can be excessively self-critical and judgmental.

Both clinical and empirical studies have confirmed that emotional distress, interpersonal vulnerability, a sense of inadequacy, need for control, avoidance, and fear, pain, and anxiety are important facets of narcissistic personality functioning. Co-occurrence and fluctuations between self-enhancing grandiosity and self-depreciating vulnerability are also present in narcissistic pathology. Typical indications of narcissistic vulnerability include inferiority and insecurity, avoidance, shyness, hidden aggressive reactions, shame, and persistent self-negativity. Paradoxically, hidden excessive self-negativity can also serve empowering, protective, and controlling functions. Additional characteristics frequently found in patients with NPD are perfectionism and high standards accompanied by self- and other-directed criticism, as well as by preoccupation with fear of not meeting standards and of failing. In addition, chronic envy, rage, boredom, and emptiness can co-occur with hyper-vigilance and defensive emotional reactivity, especially aggressivity, criticism, and dismissiveness.

^ Three interesting fragments. Notice the connection between traits associated with grandiosity with underlying issues associated more with covert npd -> at least in my experience they are two sides of the same coin! That's why I don't necessarily identify with one or the other, because depending on the situation, social norms and people I am with, I may come off as both a grandiose and covert narcissist! The line is not as rigid as it may seem, I would even say it can often be nonexistent.

mclean.org/npd-provider-guide

^ a link for those interested! It's a really good read and I recommend it to anyone questioning if they may have NPD

:)

[windcarvedlyre]

While I'm talking about DR3 and its handling of themes, does anyone else feel like danganronpa's ideas of 'hope' and 'despair' became a bit flanderised sometimes?

I could be reaching- the series has always been incredibly hammy in how it uses the terms- but in DR1 they still felt somewhat grounded in the words' actual definitions and in DR2 Komaeda fixating on an abstracted conflict between 'hope' and 'despair' was presented as a bad thing. Thinking 'hope' is synonymous with 'talent' was part of the problem, but even without that he'd feel like an intentional twisted parody of Naegi. He takes the thematic conflict between hope and despair too literally; to him the concepts were less states of mind, more grand causes, and so no amount of suffering became unacceptable to him if it made for a more interesting narrative in the end.

But sometimes later additions to the series... kind of sound like him? Maybe I should revisit DR3 and give it more of a chance, but I felt like the entire narrative approached 'hope' and 'despair' in some of the ways Komaeda does. Like it kept throwing those words at me as a substitute for actual depth, because hey, it's Danganronpa, right? That's what you're here for, right? Especially considering how little interest the writers showed in non-Ultimates besides Hinata as people, making 'hope' feel genuinely associated with talent to some degree.

Similarly, in DRV3, what did it mean for the survivors to reject both hope and despair? Stripped of those words, their choice was to break out of the narrative's control, not let their reality being potentially fake get to them, and face the unknown together. Is that not 'hope'? Is that not emotionally identical to both previous games' endings? Does that not make the game's use of 'hope' completely divorced from its meaning?

If the themes were handled more coherently I could see that being done intentionally- exploring whether the series started with a good message and lost its way, and/or asking whether 'hope' is hollow if your struggles, your eventual triumph over them, everything was contrived for others' entertainment- but I feel like if that was the case the DRV3 characters should reclaim hope and reject false definitions or exploitation of it instead of rejecting hope itself. Because again, with feeling, what does that mean???

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[twelfth-dykector]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

[callixton]

idk i do think if i’m totally honest w myself my biggest draw to being a director is that i get to put my fave actors in situations. like it is abt that relationship and trust to me + then i get to go here’s a Situation to have fun with and for the reasons they r my fave actors they go holy shit! fun!

[nightmarecountry]

hc.

The Corinthian's occasional use of it/its pronouns for himself has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with like... seeing himself as a concept rather than a person. It's part of why you'll rarely see the first Corinthian think of himself that way while he's free of the Dreaming unless he's thinking of his past, his role, or feeling Particularly Monstrous And Inhuman TM. In verses where he ends up right back where he started post-Cereal Convention instead of being uncreated, he's much more likely to internally use it/its pronouns for himself.

Your character can use whatever pronouns they like for him - he/him and it/its are the only ones he personally uses for himself, and he probably wouldn't like she/her very much, but in the end it doesn't really matter all that much to him (which is why he doesn't bother correcting people if they use they/them for him, despite that not really being a pronoun he uses - the exception there is the second Corinthian, who might occasionally use it in the plural sense).

Generally speaking though, referring to him as 'it' is very likely to come off as dehumanizing/condescending to him - particularly to the first Corinthian.

[tarragonthedragon]

so, ao3 has made it opt-in to let your work be invited to collections

for some people this is really good! a lot of people were very concerned about an issue where your work could be made private by the owner of a collection this was in-- this was resolved a few months ago by adding notifications warning authors when this happened, so they could take their works out of those collections, but a lot of people didn't realise that change had been made or were unhappy that this would still leave works with inactive users vulnurable

historically, the default setting was automatically accept invites, and you could switch it so that you the author would have to review an invite before allowing your work could be added

with the new update, an 'invite to collections' button doesn't even appear on your work unless you go to your settings and add it. this means that anyone who does want to add you work to a collection has no way of letting you know that apart from maybe leaving a comment or trying to reach out to you on another platform!

a lot of people are pro this, since they don't really see a point to collections, but it's kind of a disappointment to people (like me!) who mostly navigate ao3 using them. collections are fantastic for people who have niche interests (i have an entire collection just for fic of characters practising witchcraft, because i think its fun, or for peggy sue fics, because not everyone tags them the same way) or rarely tagged-for triggers (there are a few fandoms im just jumping ship on if collections stop being widely used because the stuff i find triggering is just rampant), or just for when you really like a fic and want to find more like it!

bookmark collections are great, but they don't show up on the work-- so readers can't use them to find similar ones. they're great for giving warnings, or for your personal navigation, but they're not as helpful for those of us who use collections to find new works!

so, if you do want people to be able to let you know they want to add you to a collection, go check your preferences! your works cant be added to collections without your approval-- that setting seems to not exist at all any more.

for every work someone asks to add to a collection you should get a notification and the opportunity to approve it individually!

you'll find the new options in your preferences tab under Collections, Challenges and Gifts

[princekirijo]

Anyway all that aside I finally have a solid design for my Spidersona :] it's kinda simple but I'm pretty happy with it, I think it fits the name.

[you-are-constance]

top five. mediums of artistic expression

OUGH

instrumental performance. typically doesnt matter much what instrument(s), but nothing beats a full orchestra imo

look the only reason that theatre is below instrumental performance is because theatre without the music is... its not *nothing* but it loses a lot of meaning (even if its not a musical, even a play that doesn't have underscoring is lacking) im not sure if im saying this right but that's how i feel (and also like. even if they have the music but its completely pre-recorded tracks instead of live musicians. like there is a Difference. in energy at least)

this is a huge part of theatre (especially musicals) but i wanted to include it separate. singing and like acting through singing. like yes that is a huge thing in theatre but im talking like. specific to when you listen to a song and you can FEEL how the singer feels while singing it. yeah that.

writing. be it poetry, lyrics, a novel, whatever else. words make me feel things.

traditional 'art' like drawing/painting/etc. (not traditional as in only pencil and paper, but traditional as in what ppl usually think of when they think of 'art') i don't love grouping together all the different forms of this kind of art, but for the sake of making my list easier, that's what I'll do

[spade-club]

:/ fighting with my partner atm. We rarely ever do and if we are fighting its over this very thing. I got real close to breaking up with them. Its so hard to weigh how I feel and what I should do here. I just want to take a nap. I'm so tired. But I'm at work and when I get home we have to finish talking. I just want to sleep before thinking about all this any more. That last half hour of my shift energy boost better fucking be enough. It never feels like it will be but I always get everything done somehow.

[mayspicer]

Mmmm I don't think I'm gonna get that job. Fucking back to square one again.

[edgelite]

can i get admit something promise not to get mad about it

[quimichi]

NSFW - MDNI

He's obsessed with your voice. He loves the way you whimper and just struggle your words out. He loves to to tease, he LIVES to tease you. He's so mean whe he asks what you want, just so he can deny it and command you to beg for it.

He's buried deep inside of you, barely able to hold himself up, panting heavily. He looks down at the pretty face you're making and he can't help but think that the only thing that would make it better is the sound of your beautiful voice.

"Tell me what you want, baby" he breathes in your ear, dropping his head down to your neck. He stopped moving. His hot breath hitting your heated skin. "I asked you somethin'~" he hums leaning back down to press kiss over your shoulder. You can practically feel his smirk in his voice.

"Please-" is all you're able to stutter out at first and it makes him grin onto your skin as he lifts his head to shake it at you. "Naw, I couldn't quite hear you princess,.. you should use bigger words for your needs?" there's this pout on his face, he's mocking you. Out of desperation you kiss him, in hopes that he could possibly forget about your loss of words.

He indulges you for a few seconds before pulling away and raising his eyebrow at you. That's when you realise he's serious; he really won't move an inch until you tell him exactly what you want. "Please-, just.. fuck me" you whine, you know it won't be enough for him but you hope it is because if he doesn't move in the next thirty seconds you feel you might combust. You honestly don't know what will combust, but something is definitely blowing up and its also gonna be you.

"Good start, baby, but it's not enough" he chuckles at your responding whine and buries his head into you neck chuckling. Although this is more than entertaining, he also has to hide the fact this is just as agonizing for him like it is for you. "How do you want it, hm? Tell me how you want me to fuck you." "Please, just fuck me. Fuck me hard. Fuck me dumb. Fuck me so hard you break me, the bed or the wall. I don't care just please fuck me" you desperately shout out in embarrassment.

He lets out an elated laugh, this is exactly what he wants to hear. He leans in to kiss you and ends up muffling the happy whine you let out when he finally starts moving. But quickly you feel dizzy, you're beyond coherent words at this point. You can't even think straight. He feels so good inside you that you almost go crazy. You instinctively grab at his skin, raking your nails over his shoulder blades. He loves being able to get you like this, he loves listen to you break like this. You and the pretty noises you make are all his to enjoy....

Kageyama, Tsukishima, Matsukawa, Kuroo, Atsumu, Suna, Tendou, Terushima (haikyuu)

Kaeya, Al-Haitham, Ayato, Itto, Scaramouche, Wriothesley, Dottore, Pantalone (genshin)

Geto, Nanami, Gojo, Toji (JJK)

Hisoka, Chrollo, Feitan, Phinks (HxH)

Rafayel (love and deepspace)

Leona, Lilia, Jade, Floyd, Ace, Trey (twst wonderland)

[fivehundredsporks]

Part 2 of my Anime/Manga Ranking!!

The Blorbos

This second tier are for my favourites that don't quite cross the line to be my absolute favourites! (there is a pretty big gap between those) also I've covered a lot of the Manga in this one with their anime counterparts in the first one so I'll just skip those!

Black Lagoon (Anime + Manga)

Now, it's been many years since I have watched/read Black Lagoon, but it's always stuck with me because of how overthetop it is, we have Nun's with Gun's, The Soviet Military, Killer Children and a Maid Assassin (also iirc Nazi's at some point??) Besides that it's quite a dark show with a lot of action, I don't think it's going to be for everyone though still I'd recommend it!

Boy Meets Maria (Anime + Manga)

Again, another LGBTQ+ Manga that features great representation for Trans/Nonbinary people! It does a really good job showing what it's like experiencing gender dysphoria as a teenager, It's an amazing piece of representation that I'd highly recommend people check out!

Avatar The Last Airbender (Anime)

Just go watch this, seriously. It's got such an amazing story with an amazing cast of characters. Absolutely love the "corruption" or degradation we see with Azula, the "redemption" arc we see with Zuko and also Katara becoming an absolute powerhouse with Waterbending, seeing these characters go through these journeys is so rewarding, highly recommend watching!

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (Anime + Manga)

Now I wouldn't say that I'm the biggest JoJo fan out there, the main reason it's actually on this list is because of the 2 parts that I absolutely love! That being Stardust Crusaders and Stone Ocean. Both featuring my favourite settings, stands and characters so far out of the series! (Jolyne is my fav JoJo btw, her theme is so fucking good!!!)

Burn The Witch (Anime + Manga)

So far we've only got the one volume of Burn The Witch, but already it's great! Set in the same universe as Bleach but taking place in a completely different location, with different characters and powers. It really fleshes the world out more while also making it feel connected in some ways, also it adds dragons to the universe?? automatic fav. can't wait to see more come out from this!!!!!

Blue Exorcist (Anime + Manga)

Again, another series that needs the Brotherhood treatment!!! the manga is still ongoing!!! we need to restart the series!!!!! (ik its getting a new season soon but we need to reboot her!!) Absolutely love Blue Exorcist, one of the first anime's I ever watched besides Bleach! very nostalgic for me and Rin is my son, I am still Yukio's number one hater, if he has no haters, then I'm dead.

Demon Slayer (Anime + Manga)

Got into Demon Slayer around the time the second season started premiering! I saw a bunch of people reacting to it on YouTube/TikTok and thought I'd be into it, turns out I was! I really loved the style and animations ofc, but again, the characters are what stood out to me the most (with Shinobu being my fav, and her fight with Doma being my favourite fight) also just the humanisation of the demons, showing that they themselves are also victims.

[mosspapi]

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 14th. I just have to make it to the 14th. I can do that. It's only 7 days. I can do that