#its sobbing on the drive home & sad playlists & relapses & keeping bad company just to have something they cant touch | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spade-club · 7 months ago

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:/ fighting with my partner atm. We rarely ever do and if we are fighting its over this very thing. I got real close to breaking up with them. Its so hard to weigh how I feel and what I should do here. I just want to take a nap. I'm so tired. But I'm at work and when I get home we have to finish talking. I just want to sleep before thinking about all this any more. That last half hour of my shift energy boost better fucking be enough. It never feels like it will be but I always get everything done somehow.

#-Cass #fighting about me asserting my boundaries again #eventually they became more coherent & kind but FUCK man.#every time I say -hey I didnt want to experience this- they go at me with the I'll die without you dont leave me #but I put my fucking foot down on all of that shit. just kept saying stop doing that until they communicated with me properly.#& it worked eventually #I feel okay about where we left off but I still dont know what to do from here #I cant keep giving them chances but I can tell they're getting better #which is really the problem at the center of it all #their best isnt good enough and I hate to ever tell someone that #but fuck man. its my autonomy we're fucking with here. I think I deserve a say!#I just know that breaking up with them is complicated. and I dont want to do it if I don't have a plan.#and I dont want to do that if they really will stop hurting me #but it just keeps happening.#and I keep trying to tell myself its not that bad. I keep almost telling them its not that bad. but I know how bad it is!!#its sobbing on the drive home & sad playlists & relapses & keeping bad company just to have something they cant touch #& crying next to them in bed after they fall asleep & not being able to move at all for 20 minutes this morning #because I was so fucking startled by the situation & didnt know what to do #honestly getting in the way of work with this was what pushed me over the edge tbh. my job is important to me.#not to mention they are unemployed again! so I'm The Income of the household #whatever. whatever. its all nonsense at this point. making myself a second coffee and doing dishes now bye #i will be removing this post later but it stays up for now in hopes someone has something comforting or helpful to add #+ so I can feel heard I guess? bleh

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