#I realize I probably should post something to make sure everyone understands I was joking before

[idontknowhowtobe-a-person]

(He/him. I am a gay man.) It’s really funny to reread my old Redacted post and just sit there and realize how much you have changed. Just such an interesting thing to see in such a small way.

Anyway who wants to fuck Milo in the ass in a gay way because I sure do!

[paper-mario-wiki]

I don't know if you've talked about this elsewhere already but was the break from streaming intentional and/or are you planning on returning to streaming some time in the foreseeable future? no pressure, I just miss your silly antics :o)

felt very burnt out from being someone who people are always lookin at all the time mostly! (and also a lot more reasons)

got a new job that pays just as well as streaming (which is enough to pay for rent in seattle with roommates, buy food for myself, and sometimes buy yet another japanese gamecube via online auction), and have been enjoying the feeling of not relying on anonymous teenagers and young adults who are just as poor as me on the internet for my income. It's something i was extremely grateful for, but it's not only a very infirm way to generate revenue on a reliable basis, but also i always felt an ever-present sense of guilt for it. like, instilling within other people who i know are in my tax bracket (one that is below the poverty line) the idea of "hey if you dont tip me for doing this free service, the quality of which is damningly subjective, I will be homeless. but no pressure haha" is something that i was never able to shake.

also like. performing is quite draining for me! the way i portray myself in my streams is EXTREMELY extroverted while, in my personal life, i prefer to spend 8 to 14 of my waking hours every day by myself in my room with my dog. i like the quiet, and i feel at peace most when i am not being perceived by other people.

lastly, i really dislike having inordinate levels of social power. for a several reasons. like, SEVERAL reasons. this is the longest section of this post.

8 years ago, i got way more famous than any 16 year old should ever be when i got tens of thousands of followers overnight for doing undertale shit. and i think it really fucked up my ability to make friends at a time where my only experience meeting new people was at school or at church, and i lived far enough out in the woods that i couldnt just go outside and hang out with the neighbors cuz the neighbors lived a mile away. my socializing skills in general are way more stilted than i'd prefer for someone my age. in private settings ive got my foot in my mouth a lot. and sometimes in public settings too! im sure if youve seen streams ive been on, youve seen plenty of "chase you really shouldnt have said that" moments. and youre probably right, i probably shouldnt have! my moment-to-moment gauge for what i should and shouldnt say is very slow to catch up cuz ive got like. advanced mental illnesses. like, im not joking when i say ive been formally diagnosed several times over by different doctors with shit ive never heard anybody ever talk about, online or otherwise.

i dont think that's an excuse to say heinous or cruel things by any means of course, but i also think that i should not rely on a job where there's constantly a microphone in my hand and an audience listening intently to what i say. im not at all pulling the "its okay that i say mean things because im mentawy iww" card. as a matter of fact i think it's not okay that i say them! and i feel very embarrassed when i do! the filter that separates "normal healthy thoughts" and "intrusive unhealthy thoughts" is thinner and more flimsy in my brain than in others.

ive only gotten this far because i surround myself with very smart, patient, and kind people, and by trying to be understanding and patient with others too. and ive begun apologizing to people a lot more. i dont like it when people are mad at me, and i dont like that for a long time i had professionally painted myself into a corner where im typically always the "heel" in comedy settings, because the "heel" is the guy everyone shits on all the time. i got this reputation not because i actively enjoy being mean, but because i learned to adapt to the aforementioned "clinically unreliable intrusive thoughts filter" by realizing i would say things that came across as mean, and in real time exaggerating that it into a character that people could shoot back at without feeling guilty while still having fun. theres nothing that ruins a good time quite like someone who is constantly apologizing for doing something wrong, and then continuing to do that wrong thing anyway. dont misunderstand, i absolutely adore dunking on weenies when everyone can get a good laugh out of it (like tumblr anons, who i think should be classified as prokariyotic invertebrates and not people (no offense)) but even though it's a joke it still feels very bad when that's expected of me when i walk into a room. because if i walk into a room, and everyone expects me to be an asshole, everyone is on the defensive before i say anything, and sometimes they take shots at me when im not trying to "play". even worse, if im a heel in a setting where it's expected of me and someone cant really keep up with "the bit" then that just means im being an asshole to someone who cant or doesnt have the energy to fight back. and not just any asshole, an asshole who has had nearly a decade of professional experience being a paid asshole.

if im being frank, i dont know if i'll come back in a full capacity. i might! im not ruling that out! and you'll probably still see me pop up in my friends streams, because i did LOVE what i did for a very long time! but after i took my "break" in december after being more stressed than ive ever been, and i knew it was no longer financially necessary for me to livestream, i had the thought "i will go back to streaming when i find within myself a desire to do so" and ya know what? i havent yet.

and DO NOT FUCKING BOTHER MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS. if you post a fucking "hey have u heard what chase said" message in their chat or in their DMs or anything, im not joking when i say you are actively being the kind of person i changed my career to avoid! fuck you, for real! stop trying to interface with them to get some new piece of information or opinion about me you fucking weirdo! they'll talk about me if they want to, but going to someone who is doing their own thing and asking them to instead comment on someone else it is ALWAYS fucking annoying. if you want to think about me, do it by yourself! or ask me directly! or do it in the comment section of a video im in! or write a fanfiction about me and then throw it away!

but if ur not that kind of person then ur cool dont worry.

anywho! im sorry if this is a bummer to read. but that's the full skinny.

im still posting regularly on twitter (clown_depot)! and if i DO go live, either on my twitch channel or on a friend's stream, it will be posted there!

thanks for watching :^]

im not goin radio silent, im just gonna turn off the electric window that lets people see me for a while.

[thv-jk97]

Tae has lied/embellished/bluffed before though, several times. I wouldn’t say he lied though, more like bluffed or embellished and not with evil intentions but just because he doesn’t know that fans take his words too literally. He did it during the vminkook live when he spoke about himself and Jk working on a song. He was clearly bluffing and Jk knew it but fans took him seriously. He did it during his Vicnic where he said he would make a song with Jimin and go on running man with him and even Jimin mentioned during his fan meet that he didn’t know what tae was talking about and that he just said it, he also kinda did when he posted that fake tattoo on his insta stories. I don’t think he is a liar I just think he embellishes, leaves out relevant context and bluffs probably because he doesn’t know how literally fans take everything they say. Everytime he has mentioned something that happened with Jk and then Jk got to talk about it, Jk gave more context which then made it look like tae lied. When tae spoke about recording in Jk’s place, he gave so little context so anyone cld add or subtract what they wanted from the story but when Jk explained it, he said Tae suddenly reached out to him and asked to try recording at his place after he got new equipment. The way Jk explained it takes out that romantic tone that pple tried to add there so even though tae didn’t lie, he left it open for anyone to add or reduce context. I’m pretty sure if Jk ever gets to speak abt Hawaii, it wouldn’t be as sweet as Tae made it to be.

Do you even realize how flawed your logic is here, anon? Why should Tae be labeled a liar/embellisher/attention seeker because of what OTHER people interpret from the things he says? Why is he responsible for what other people "add or take away"? Do you realize how stupid that is?

The song thing from the vminkook live WAS A SKIT. Which they do ALL THE TIME. Why is Tae the only one that gets labeled a liar when JK played along with the skit? By your logic, isn't JK a liar then? The Running Man thing and song thing with JM were obviously jokes and anyone familiar with how Tae talks and how he engages with people would know that. Nothing Tae said about recording a song at JK's place turned out to be untrue!? JK literally just confirmed everything he told us. The fake tattoo thing is so stupid because he literally got a real tattoo that same day and for all we know, he was actually considering getting the tattoo there. So what is the purpose of pointing that out? Again, why is he responsible for whatever theories other people come up with?

All of the other members make little jokes or say things that aren't true but only Tae gets labeled a liar for doing the SAME things that everyone else does. Is JM also a liar for saying that he'll do a live with JK and not doing it? Is he a liar for saying that he's going to go to JK's house to eat the ramen he made? No. Because it's not that serious. There are tons of other examples from the other members as well, but no one pays attention to those in the same way that they do with Tae. Why is he the only one being held to some ridiculous standard that the fandom imposes on him?

You and anyone who wants to perpetuate this bullshit narrative are so full of shit. You want him to be a liar because you don't agree/like what he says. Just say you don't like him or understand him and move onnnnnnn 🙄

[my-beloved-lakes]

I just now noticed the dirty/scolding look Sophie gives Breanna when Breanna asked if Eliot was off to kill someone in The Fractured Job. It was very subtle, but if you watch carefully it's there.

While I did think it was funny, her question also bugged me a little, even though I know she was joking, cuz it felt a little insensitive considering all the guilt Eliot feels about his past. But now that I think about it it actually kinda makes sense that she wouldn't understand how insensitive it could be. Like yes, she knows Eliot and she's known him for a long time. But she knows a different side of him than everyone else. She knew him as the cool, badass uncle who her older brother always brought to family gatherings and Christmas and stuff. She probably knows little snippets of Eliot's past but not enough to fully realize that her joke might be a little insensitive. (She would never intentionally be insensitive about it!) Eliot probably never let her see the guilt ridden side of himself because she's like his little kid niece.

Her joke didn't really seem to bother Eliot that much, but Sophie immediately shut it down and I love that. Because Sophie knows just how much guilt Eliot feels and she knows it's something that's caused him a lot of pain. And like Hardison said, they trust her to make sure they're okay. So even if Breanna's joke didn't actually bother Eliot, Sophie still felt like she needed to let Breanna know to back off a bit. And then Breanna did back off.

Idk what point I'm trying to make here but I thought it was an interesting little detail.

Edit: just in case it wasn't clear, (I should have made this more clear to begin with.) This is not a hate post about Breanna or even a criticism really! The way I see it, Breanna didn't know and had no way of knowing what she said would be insensitive because Eliot didn't let her know. That's what I was trying to get at. Eliot has been doing a very good job of shielding her from his past and she knows a different side of him than the others. I don't want negative things about Breanna said on this post (or any of my posts for that matter.) Of course everyone is entitled to their opinions but please don't put that sort of thing on my posts. If you have something negative to say about Breanna go make your own post please and thank you.

[gojokinni]

DAZAI ANALYSIS

Ok, so I actually thought a lot about posting something like this, because it would mean revealing a lot of personal stuff about me... However I felt like sharing my vision on Dazai, my favorite character, someone I relate to so much it hurts...

To start this character analysis, I'm actually going to analyze myself. Today I know that I am a deeply disturbed person, since I was in primary school and maybe before I was obsessed with sexual relations, I have no idea why, and to this day I don't know where it came from. All I know is that it led me to possess sexual trauma due to some "experiences" ( no r*pe, or pedophilia). One thing is sure,if I had to take my phone back in a hospital, I'd definitely be able to have a s*xual relationship for it.

I also have a severe lack of empathy. Which is weird since I'm a true emotional sponge... I will not understand how you feel, will not know how to comfort you, will not relate or put myself in your shoes. All of that is tiring to me, weird, I simply don't get it.

I was also probably one of the worst bully to ever exist, not physically but verbally. I never treated my "friends" fairly , was always bossy and mean. And you know what's the worst ? It's that I never realized it, not in the sense that I was young and didn't know better, but more like someone took over and talked instead of me. As if I was protecting myself. It made many people hate me and no matter what I do it'll always be like that.

Today, I have only 2 or 3 people I seem to genuinely care about and even then I really doubt they'd stay. I never really showed them who I was, always hiding behind sarcasm and self depreciating jokes.

Basically, I'm a weird mix between pragmatic and emotional. I can't function in society and will probably never be able to. Isolation, and solitude are what I dream of, not because I love these but because I can't seem to deal with others... Many would say I'm a psycho. I think I am.

That's where I relate to Dazai. I'm not a killer, I never tortured anyone, and while I was probably abusive mentally, I was never physically. However I get how he acts. Not having any morals, to be like a virus, someone so different from others that you could never integrate. You still try, because of diverse reasons, but even then you feel like it's not where you should really be.

Nobody knows who you are, firstly because you've always hidden yourself behind a different persona, but most importantly because you don't know yourself who you are. Everyday that passes, you feel empty, devoid of any things that make people's life interesting and bright.

Every time I see a rant post about how Dazai is a monster, it really makes me wanna cry, hide myself in my bed and never get out. Because it's me. Things are not as easy as :" oh he's a psycho, bad bad person". It's not that easy to act accordingly as everyone wants when you don't get it. I know that I could never come up to my ex-friends, look at them and say I'm sorry, just like how Dazai will never look at Akutagawa and say I'm sorry. Not because I'm heartless but because it won't get out. Even though I'm strong at lying, manipulating, even though I do that every day.

It's frustrating to not know who you are. To be a monster in everybody's eyes and even yours. Guess what, I'm deeply, disturbed, probably mentally ill, many would call me broken, and I already do it. I love Dazai, would defend him till the end of my life. He's my favorite character. Why ?

Because he's me.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Wildflower

Previous chapter / Next chapter

a/n I was planning on posting this tomorrow but I just couldn't wait. Join the struggle bus.

Azriel x reader / Eris x reader

***********************************************

When a seed of doubt is planted, it flourishes under any conditions. That was an undying truth. That night, you fought as you'd never fought before. That was the first time even Azriel's shadows were cold toward you, and they were never cold toward you. They were always there for you. "I just don't get you anymore. You shut me out. I feel alone when I'm with you," you said, staring at Azriel's blank face for what felt like an eternity. But he remained stone cold, "I'm not mad that you went out to help Fayre's sisters. I'm mad that you didn't think about telling me."

You knew well that the whole house could hear you. A part of you wanted them to. Maybe someone would finally realize that you were drowning. When you finally did break the silence of the man you loved, you hoped you hadn't. "Nesta is Cassian's mate. He felt it today", you two were done with the second round of face-to-face screaming, well in reality you did most of the screaming, and were now sat in different parts of the shared room. "Well, good for him. How come this is important now? ", "It's just... three sisters and three brothers. Two already mated", at that, you couldn't suppress a laugh, "Tell me that you're joking, Azriel", but he sat as firmly as before, looking through you. He was deeply lost inside his mind, you could tell. After years, you could tell when he was down under. And he was down under bad. 

"So it's the third bitch's bed that you checked out then?", you laughed but Azriel wasn't too keen on it, "Don't call her that", you gritted your teeth as you stood up, "Oh, you're even defending her now", "She's a decent woman. She doesn't deserve your snarl just because you're an insecure creature," you stilled at his words. Azriel had never used your fear against you. Fear of losing him to some other. The truth was that you had given him everything, and he had your fragile heart in his hands. And he's been tossing it everything but gently lately.

You felt pathetic as you cried for him not to go afterward. To not leave you. That you were sorry. That you were just tired. And Azriel's words did well to calm your inner fear. The words were just the ones you wanted to hear, but something lingered. Something that weighed on you two for a while. You both felt it. You were alone together. Together but alone. Even if you slithered back into bed together, you could tell that sex was just a bandage you two used to smother things over.

The fact that no one was mad was another red flag the next morning. Rhys greeted you with a smile. Suggesting that you two should have breakfast separately from everyone else. "Is everything with you and Az okay?", he had asked shortly after you finished the food. "Yeah, just a heated disagreement. We're perfectly fine now," and if he couldn't tell that you were lying, then you were sure that he had a nice inside scoop on the argument from Asriel himself.

"I'm sorry for being harsh on you lately," you wanted to intrude, but your brother lifted his hand ever so slightly, "It's taken a toll on you. You're my family, and I neglected you", taking a hold of his hand you looked him in the eyes. "I understand; you have it pretty rough. I don't mind being on the back burner for a bit if it helps", Rhy's eyes were sad still. You knew he probably blamed himself for your fight with Azriel and the fact that you two were falling apart. He was always supportive of your relationship with the shadow singer.

"I love you, Y/N/N", you moved to lean into his embrace, "I love you too, grumpy pants". Rhys swiftly moves to tickle your side, making you let out a giggle, and a smile as big as yours appears on his face. "I got you this also," he said,  pulling out a little bottle, and you know instantly what it is. Your childhood pain remedy. The cure for the high lord's children's illness. A lovely blue bottle.

"I thought it would take the edge off. Let you sleep it off", "Thank you, but no." Yet Rhys didn't ease off. You swiftly stood up, taking the bottle from him. "I'll inform you when I'll take it," you reasoned. Even if you knew there was no way you'd take it, you had to give him hope to get him off your head for now. It reminded you too much of your father. The sick things he did to hide you away from the world, from your own family. 

You saw Azriel just as you were coming back to the house. Rhys was still by your side as you sped up a little to wrap your hands around Azriel's tall frame. He returned the gesture only after greeting Rhys. Their gaze lingered but you chose to ignore it. Oblivious. Just be oblivious. "Hey. Where have you been?", you asked him ever so gently. Leaning in to kiss him as you were once again hit with the strong scent of another female. Biting on the inside of your cheek, you smiled at him anyway. He left shortly after you fell asleep last night. You felt him wiggling out of your embrace. Leaving plenty of space for your thoughts to linger.

"Cassina had my hands full all morning. Sometimes I think he takes pleasure in torturing me", you hummed at his response, still clinging to him but that didn't last long. He unwrapped your arms from around his torso, telling you that he wanted to take a shower before a meeting with Rhys, and with another kiss, he was gone. You felt your eyes starting to burn as he walked away. Not here, not now, you told yourself. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you like this. Looking at the potion in your hands, you didn't even notice Cassian walking your way.

That big smile of his was probably brighter than the sun today. How did he always seem to be in such a good mood that you were unaware of? "By any chance, you've seen Azriel? Fucker disappeared into the thin air," he muttered into the embrace, and you felt the taste of blood in your mouth as you bit through your flesh. "Nope, looking for him myself. If you find him, tell him I said hello".

You decided to walk down the city street after that. Thank goodness Cassian never questioned anything and simply let you go. You needed to be alone for a bit or to be in the company of somebody who wasn't in the inner circle. You found yourself at Madja's clinic, just watching her help out citizens. Jumping in to help yourself at times. You were helping her clean up after the day's work when you remembered the bottle in your pocket.

"Utilize it, will you," you were never a fan of them as a kid. Well, you were only given them while you were little and when the whole fiasco with Eris happened. But those times were enough to make you go stiff at the sight of them, "Oh, dear, I hope you didn't drink that," your entire body froze, "Why not?" "This is a strong sedative. We only make them for special purposes, and the individual on them needs to be closely monitored. It knocks you out mentally", gaps in your memory, you thought. Maybe that's the reason for it. They wanted to keep you calmer after everything and overused it by accident.

"Would it wipe out one's memory if overused?", the healer shook her head, "Temporary loss of memory maybe, but it's unlikely", well then, you thought, here goes my hope of any clarity. Any bit of hope to unravel this piled-up mess. "While you are at it, would you mind bringing this back to Rhys?", Madja handed you a pouch that, for some reason, she was handling carefully. "What's that?", "Ah, some mixture of Fea bane", she said in such a casual voice as if she had done that for ages. As if this request by your brother didn't weird her out. What's high lords need of this world be? Rhys has other ways of controlling and dealing with his enemies. Unless he's trying to buy it all so no one else can.

"Why would Rhys need that?", "I don't question my high lord, he mentioned a need to keep someone at bay. It's not a first-time thing, child", of course, it's not. Droopy after tea. His eyes big like crows watching you as you slumped down on your bed or sofa after tea with him. No, maybe it was a coincidence. He wouldn't. Your Rhys. When you were little, he vowed that he loved you more than life itself. What changed? 

Leaving behind the bag, you stumbled out of the clinic. Bracing yourself against the corner of the building. The ones passing by offered you a sympathetic look here and there that you tried to return. They were your people as well. Once were. Yet you felt so out of place all of a sudden. Blinking a couple of times, you could only think about one thing and one place. Where else would you go? You simply had no other place to go.

"Eris!", you barked as you stormed into his cabin as if you owned it. "Eris!", your voice echoed through the empty room. You began your search for the same amber-colored bottle that the male of the Autumn Court had the last time you were here, ripping the shelving unit doors open one by one. Surely a genuine glass of liquor would help the case. At least take the edge off of it. One by one, you looked through every nook and cranny, but it's like fate decided to toy with you just a little bit more.

"Where on the cauldron of love would you keep such things?", you muttered to yourself, angry tears picking up at the corner of your eyes. "May I know what's the reason behind you being here?", you turned towards the voice so quickly that you didn't notice the door above you, resulting in you banging the top of your head against it. Your hand immediately went to rest on top of the painful area.

"How bloody clumsy can you be? You'll wreck the whole place up", Eris's voice was harsh and cold. You couldn't blame him; if you were to find someone like that in your room, you would probably have them hanging by the throat of the balcony at the house of the wind. But his harsh voice sent you down on your knees. You were so done with today. You bit back at yourself as you felt the little droplets fall down your cheeks, so much for keeping the tears to yourself. "Did you hit it that hard?", you felt Eris's hand on top of yours, gently lifting it so he could see if there was a wound that would need to be treated. He must have crossed the room at the sight of your first tears. Your lower lip quivered as you met his eyes.

Worry flashed through them. What a strange emotion to see on his face, you thought; it almost made his face look unfamiliar. He never expressed such emotion, and yet here it was. You were seeing them with your own two eyes. "You need to tell me what's all this about, sweetie," Eris sank to the floor beside you. "From the look on your face, I would say that the world is ending". You wanted to chuckle or at least grin at him, but you couldn't. Your brain was going into overdrive. Nothing made sense, and for some unknown reason, every single part of your body was calling for Eris. Your instincts told you to run to him out of everyone.

"What if everything's a lie?", you muttered, making Eris frown. "Is this a riddle, because I hate to disappoint you. I've never been good at them," you only shook your head. "I think Rhys has been poisoning me—adding Fea bane and whatnot to my food and drinks to keep me under his control—and I," a lump in your throat thickened, and you nearly choked on your own words. You felt a hand on your back, drawing patterns slowly to keep you calm enough to finish your story. Familiar - your body sang to you.

"And... Azriel...", Eris stiffened at the name of the shadow singer. The two were never friends. Eris loved to tease Azriel because he knew that his actions and words affected the ever-so-cold male, and Azriel never had the patience to stand by. "He's been coming home reeking of different females. He denies it, but I know... and he keeps on going about how he wants to find his mate, but...", you ripped parts of the sleeves that were covering your arms off. Revealing something that you swore to never show Eris, "He doesn't even want to wait for me to get these off so we could see if we're not mates."

You felt Eris's whole body run cold as if the fire that warmed him from within had vanished at the sight of your hands. You knew they were ugly, but you never thought someone would be affected that way. Feeling small and fragile, you moved them closer to your chest, lowering your head. "You... they are still on your hands?", "Well, you see them, don't you?", you bite back as another wave of shame washes over you. "But I thought, Rhys, he had taken them off. I thought he had a long time ago," "He doesn't know how, he's been trying," but Eris's expression changed completely as he shook his head slowly. He knew something. You could tell that he did. He knew something you didn't.

"Eris," you pleaded, "What is it?", running his hands through his thick hair, he turned away from you for a moment before facing you again. "You won't believe me anyways", but you shook your head, "No, you don't get to leave me with a scrap, tell me! I demand it!". You two are facing each other now. Direct confrontation. The hesitation was all you could sense. It was dripping off him. As if he was scared. Scared that whatever he was going to tell you was going to break you completely. "Rhysand has enough power to take them off himself. They yelled to magic," you backed away from him slightly, saying, "No, he tried everything. He got Helion involved. They tried it all."

Eris came to reach for you, but you only backed away more as your fingers threaded through your own hair. "Y/N, Helion made them. He would need to only blink, and they would be off your hands.", "No, you're lying. You're just saying things." In the frenzy that overtook you, you didn't even notice as your back hit the table that held different mixtures that banished healers must have been making. Turning, you lashed your hands through them all. Whipping the table clean with a scream from deep inside you. Windows rattled. Then an overwhelming amount of fear hit you, making the whole room spin. Eris was talking, but you could barely make out the words he was saying. In reality, you didn't want to listen. You were tired of listening. Clenching your fists like the last time you closed your eyes. Bring me to the liars you told yourself; I want to see their faces as I shatter their world to pieces.

********************************

Taglist:  @highlady-ofillyria @starrstrucked @lahoete @esposadomd @percyjacksonspeen @powerfulpantera @bionic-donut @azzydaddy @marigold-morelli @meritxellao @mis-lil-red @piceous21 @atz-diary @shamelessdonutkryptonite @baebeepeach @sarai-ibn-la-ahad

[doomed-era]

crashes through your window!! points at you like an anime supervillain HELLO!! how does gaffen view the champions and/or how does alt zelda view everyone we’ve met so far (unless thats spoilers?). or how would revali and zelda interact do you think

screams and hides under the table there is glass all over the floor my chickens are running everywhere (joking I am fine and completely immune to glass)

oh thats a fffffun question.....!!!! I have thought a great deal about this. I will start with pre-calamity because honestly it is simpler

revali is just...weird. gaffen doesnt get what the guy's deal is (mostly) so about half the time he just. tunes out everything revali says. honestly he does that with a lot of people including zelda. he works 15-hour shifts and just dissociates when he isnt on lunch break. he did pay attention once. and that was when revali said horses were smelly dumb animals and gaffen pushed him off a cliff (they were both fine revali's reaction was more or less just surprise and gaffen cooled off almost immediately cause he's Like That at this point.) he thinks revali's archery skills are really impressive but he'd never actually say that to him because Why.

urbosa is incredibly intimidating and he's pretty sure she doesn't like him. however he thinks she is cool. her loyalty is fascinating to him as he doesn't remember any other gerudo chieftains being...like that? in a good way. like he considers it a triumph for Hyrule At Large that the gerudo and Hyrule at on such good terms and he's deeply inspired by Urbosa's own loyalty not really understanding that it is in some ways a facade. he doesn't avoid her though, I think he'd just. stand there with the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. maybe at some point he would try to use the gerudo words he knows to try and impress her. or maybe he could give her a nice bottle of wine or something she would like as a Present

mipha is. complicated ? hes gotten vague vibes that she might have feelings for him past a certain point. however he doesnt really want to think about the implications of that or what that might cause. he'd rather just stand there and force himself to not think about it.there is a good chance if he was asked about it he would play dumb. mipha is also actively trying to figure out what his Deal is and generally tries to present herself as someone he can talk to so he's spoken to her briefly a few times. i couldnt even really tell you if he reciprocated its like that one post where a character is too tormented by the narrative to exhibit sexuality or attraction. he likes her, he trusts her more than a lot of people but yea.

im trying my best to not sully this with his rp interactions with them because those were done under Specific Circumstances(tm) (and i dont even think he knows the whole mipha has a crush thing for a bit) but when he actually opens up and turns his brain on there he starts making little jabs at revali for fun. he also gets like. mmildly scared of talking to revali before that bc again he turned his brain on and hasnt ever actively tried talking to him. so yea. he also ends up trying to force mipha to reveal more about herself bc mipha never really reveals anything which he thinks is hypocritical. this ends with him getting...mildly pissed/confused. him and revali also set up a time where they could practice archery together teehee

OK DARUK. I havent thought too much about them admittedly. but im tempted to say that their relationship is the friendliest and the most uncomplicated. im a "link ate the rock sirloin to be polite and not just because hes ok with eating rocks" truther so. yea. they're not super close by any means but they're just bros. guys hangin out. daruk would toss him into the air for fun and he'd like it. when hes off work gaffen would probably talk to daruk but when he is at work he'd probably just turn into gromit from wallace and gromit half the time. gaffen realizes he should probably respect the guy more but half the time he just kinda perceives him as like. the team dad and not a respected member of the gorons

that was longer than I thought. oops

post calamity is weird and I have thought about it a little more I think its not something I've roleplayed much so it just kinda sits there in my head and Rots.

but basically i'd describe gaffen's relationship with the champions at first to be highly parasocial. the memory you get from mipha's statue is his first acquired memory and it is.jarring? to say the least. gaffen understood that he was missing large chunks of his memory after rhoam told him that but he didn't really process it fully and he certainly didnt think he had a personal relationship with the people rhoam was talking about. plus when he does get those back he in a sense re-experienced them it was Very Strong Very Overwhelming and it kind of freaked him out. but the zora all seemed to paint a specific picture of who he was and mipha's relationship with him so it really hammered in the importance of his past self and those memories. the problem is because of how important he thinks they are he. pictures himself having a closer relationship with the champions and zelda than he actually did. like they were besties. totally. he loved mipha and they were gonna get married probably maybe and revali could be mean sometimes but it was okay they eventually got along fine and had some respect for each other daruk was the best friend anyone could ever ask for and urbosa was like his mentor who helped him out and was cool. did he have any evidence for this absolutely not he just kinda made up what the champions were like based on the snippets he got and since. well. everyone who knew most of the champions personally is dead. and the zora really dont have a good image of what mipha was like because she didnt really reveal much about herself. these go unchallenged and spiral out of control. the champion abilities do not help. they are not actually the champions in my au they are abilities that look like them. but gaffen thinks they are the champions. he spent a lot of his time wandering around alone and they brought him a lot of comfort and. yeah they were basically his best friends except they were fake

then he almost gets beaten to death and mipha's grace heals his leg wrong and he feels betrayed by them personally so he gets mad. thinks they hate him. refuses to talk about them. stops using the champion abilities because he blocked them on socialmedia. eventually he gains some perspective on it and calms down. realizes he just made everything up. but it still hurts like hell and he refuses to use the abilities anymore. however he still will get incredibly pissed if you insult them. maybe they arent his friends anymore but you will respect them dammit they died for your COUNTRY!!!

OH...hehe I cant reveal everything about alt zelda's impressions of ppl but some things I certainly can!! it is very colored by a few things that have happened to her. that are spoilers. but.

ok so link first cause hes easy. she thinks hes dumb. but she also feels sorry for him because she knows that a lot of the people around her and just the government/military in hyrule are. manipulative and exploitative. so. she really wants him to stay out of this honestly but in some ways she's happy to see him

Lance? she does not know who he is. blasse is complicated and spoilery but basically when she was younger she saw him one time and called him the "lazy old soldier guy" and everyone was confused

ciless (true mage of spirit) is incredibly complicated but basically ciless used to be zelda's mother figure. they hate each other currently and often try to sabotage each other

pike she just sees as ciless's crony and mostly dismisses him

fen she would actually have an. interesting? reaction towards. she'd act like she recognizes him somewhat. she would refer to him as link's father even if link didn't like it. she might ask him if he feels like he's missing something

lepy she would just think is a crony again im sorry lepy you deserve better

and packard she would also basically ignore

MAN. you got me thinking about a tangent about alt zelda and revali oops i am not sure if thats what you meant. but its a funny hypothetical to me. honestly zelda would be fascinated by revali. like at first shed think he was some sort of monster thing but then she would be like. wait you can talk. and revali would be like scoff yes of course. what does it look like.

"you look like a large bird or a monster"

"let me make it known that I am not a bird, and I refuse to be called a bird. I am revali of the rito tribe. it's--" and he looks VERY annoyed -- "not exactly a pleasure to make your acquaintance, but I seem to have lost my way."

"...that is very strange." and she just looks amused

i imagined this weird au where shes like "ok i really like you youre my friend now" and she tries to get him to help her with Stuff I think it would be funny

[justsome-di]

Nobody Ends Up Dead in a Bathtub, Everyone Keeps Their Organs: Chapter 11

Summary: Alex is an ordinary, highly-introverted office worker. He clocks in and out and goes home to his little apartment he shares with his younger sister. He hasn’t dated in years. Until his co-workers set him up on a blind date.

The only issue is he and his date are not on the same page. At all.

While Alex thinks it’s a normal date, Damián is under the impression Alex is a client who paid to be there. No-so-quickly, they realize something is up. It’s all a prank. Damián is a sex worker Alex’s co-workers hired as a sick joke.

After reassuring that they’re both okay, Alex decides he wants revenge for both him and Damián. The plan is to use the stigma of sex work and start a 6-week, scandalous fake dating scheme with a big finale at the office Halloween party. Alex’s co-workers will be too horrified to try to prank him again. At least, that’s the plan.

You can also read this on AO3, or Patreon (patrons also get chapters a week early along with bonus content). If you’re enjoying the story and want to support me in other ways, I do have a ko-fi! Or consider dropping me a message in my inbox or reblogging this post!

Eve threw her bag over her shoulders with little care for the aging straps. It sat heavily on her shoulders. The bulk of her laptop and textbooks weighed her down and reminded her of the ache in her lower back that she had initially earned from work.

Her keychains rattled as they smacked into one another and collided with her pins and buttons. A Tom Nook hit a Secret Police badge. An enamel coffee mug was assaulted by a Master Sword. All the plastic clinked together, echoing her nerdiness to the empty room. If she cared enough, she would think of herself as cringe. But she had too many other things on her mind to consider when she crossed the line from cool geek to weirdo.

“Are you feeling any better about any of this?” Leo asked.

“Kinda.”

It wasn’t the right answer. Leo didn’t look pleased that they were only in the “kinda” stage. He was so good at math, he was probably annoyed that she was taking so long to understand anything. Every time he had to go over a formula with her again or correct her steps, she felt she was burdening him. Even though he didn’t outwardly show it, she knew she had to have been the worst person in his life at the moment.

Leo was always passive in their study sessions. He corrected her without any sharpness in his tone. He would slowly erase her progress and tell her to try again, not ever giving her the answer.

But he was staying late for her. He could have been back in his dorm or his apartment or wherever rather than running through the same math problems over and over, correcting her, and re-teaching her how to work through formulas and watching her make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

“Better than I was feeling about it,” Eve said, hoping that would help her win some favor with Leo.

“When’s your exam again?” he asked.

“November 1st. Dr. Felner took major pity on me.”

But she was still going to try to be nice to Leo. He was the only other student she spent so much time with, and she was starting to feel a little kinship with him.

About a week ago, she passed him as he was leaving a campus coffee shop. He waved at her and smiled, and his smile felt familiar. Like she had seen it before. It was something about how it brightened his whole face or how his teeth were so straight it was like he should have been in an ad for braces.

After that, she thought maybe there was a chance that he didn’t totally hate her enough to ignore her. But then again, anyone would be in a good mood at noon, holding an iced coffee compared to 6 pm in a stuffy academic center.

Leo, she was sure, was nice and kind. She just always saw him with dark circles under his eyes after a long day of his own shit.

He pulled his own bag on. There was the rattle of his own keychains and pins. One keychain, an old thing, popped off its chain and bounced off the table.

“Noo!” Leo cried, tone way too dramatic for the impression he had already left on Eve.

Eve stooped to grab it off the carpet and handed it back. It had been a clean break. The chain had fallen out of its little nook in the plastic of the charm. There was a glob of dried hot glue on it where it had been repaired before.

“I like your Charmander,” she said.

Immediately, Leo brightened. He put it in the center of his palm and held it out to her so she could get a better look.

“Thanks!” It was the most expressive Eve had seen Leo since the coffee shop. He smiled again, and Eve could not place why it reassured her so much. “I got him from a claw machine. I spent, like, 20 bucks to get him.”

“You spent 20 dollars on that?”

“Yes! Look at him! He’s so cool.”

Eve nodded along with him. It was pretty cool. It was almost chibi-like and stood up perfectly on its own. The colors were vibrant but overall a little off and basic. Charmander’s body was a little too yellow. The flame on the tail was missing some depth. It looked like it could be unofficial merch in any of the many bogus restaurants in the city that stocked weird games and even weirder prizes.

But Eve had finally found a way to get Leo to say more than a few words to her. She was going to pounce.

“Do you play a lot of Pokémon?” Eve asked.

“Yeah!”

Eve slipped her bag off one shoulder and swung it around. She showed him her Ponyta keychain. She had gotten her from some mystery box from some store in New Jersey over the summer. While she wasn’t particularly a huge fan of Ponyta, she didn’t have enough money to buy another mystery box.

Alex had said it was cool when she brought it back to his apartment at the start of the school year. Ponyta had some good attacks. He secured it to her bag for her, and it stayed there ever since.

“Dope. Ponyta is pretty badass, but I’m personally loyal to the starters,” Leo said. His eyes caught something else. He pointed to the pink and orange rainbow pin on the front of her bag. “I like your rainbow.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Does it mean anything?”

Leo looked at Eve so earnestly, and Eve wanted to assume that he was a good guy, that he would have no problem if she told him it was lesbian pride colors. If she wanted to actually get to know him, he would have to know her. At some point, she would have to let him know that she was gay.

But she still froze. She didn’t know whether or not she should avoid the question, make up some lie about how she just liked rainbows, or that it was a reference to a movie or the emblem of a secret society on campus. She could tuck her secret away and hide it away until later. Until she was certain she wanted to tell him.

“Is it a gay thing?” Leo asked.

Eve could hardly breathe. It was a mistake to have the pin on there if she didn’t want to be asked about it. “Yeah.”

“What kind of gay thing?”

“What?”

“Like. Is it a special pride pin for October? Like breast cancer? I think that’s cool if that’s it.”

Eve shook her head. Did he really think the gays collaborated on merch with breast cancer awareness organizations? Did he think that queer people created different pins as special, limited-edition collectibles? It was kind of a cool idea but a bit too capitalist.

Her brief panic was instantly over. Damián looked at her so earnestly. It was like staring into the eyes of a Labrador Retriever. A young, clueless Chocolate Lab.

“No,” Eve said. “It’s the lesbian flag colors.”

“No shit? Lesbians have their own colors?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s dope!”

Leo looked excited to be learning so much. Eve was startled by the sudden switch. Only a moment ago it was like he wanted nothing to do with her. Regardless, her anxiety had easily melted away. Leo was okay. They had just needed a little nudge toward each other. They just needed Pokemon and gay pride to come out of their shells a little.

“I’m an ally,” Leo said, putting a hand to his chest.

“I can tell.”

“My brother’s gay.”

“Cool.”

“It’s super cool. And I love lesbians, too.”

Leo turned off the lights to the lounge of the academic center. It was where all tutoring sessions took place. There was comfortable seating for the students, snacks and coffee, and fancy tables with whiteboards as tabletops. During the day, it was pretty busy if only because people were swinging by for a morning or afternoon fix of caffeine.

In the evening, once all the real adults who worked there clocked out, it was eerily empty. The high ceilings imposed some feeling the opposite of claustrophobia. Something that reminded Eve of nightmares of drowning in an ocean with no land in sight.

“I also love trans people,” Leo said.

“You love the whole alphabet.”

“I do! So much!”

Leo held open the door leading out of the building. Eve stepped through it and down the few steps right outside. The campus was still lively. The sun was just starting to go down, and everyone was taking advantage of the last few warm evenings of the year. Girls whizzed by on skateboards, packs of seniors were carrying hammocks to try to find someplace on campus to hang them and then pretend to study. Really, they were all going to update their Instagram accounts.

“I really am an ally,” Leo said. “My brother’s taught me all this stuff about Stonewall and stuff. Have you heard of Stonewall?”

Eve wanted to sigh, but she could tell he wasn’t trying to be condescending. He was genuinely interested in talking about it. “Yes. I have. It’s pretty well-known among us gays.”

“I think it’s great. Throwing bricks and shit at the cops,” Leo went on. “I’d throw a brick for the LGBT community.”

“We’ll have to meme that. ‘Leo threw the first brick at Stonewall.’”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to take credit away from a black trans woman.”

Eve turned around. She was about to tell Leo that he didn’t have to worry. She was almost certain their meme would be harmless. It was like an inside joke with the LGBT community that she’d let him be in on.

But before she could say anything, she looked past Leo and at the picnic benches on the front lawn of the academic center. A group of boys sat at the one closest to her and Leo. They had textbooks out in front of them but were clearly not reading them.

Eve had a class with them. Though, that class was so big she didn’t know their names or anything about them besides the fact they usually sat a couple of rows ahead of her. She was one of the few girls in that class. Every day, they looked at her. At first, when they waved, she waved back. But as the semester went on, they’d look back at her and laugh and turn to one another.

It was hard to tell why they did all that. They could have been harmless, and Eve wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. It could have been playful teasing. Playground, recess-type stuff a parent or a teacher would brush off with just, “That just means he likes you.”

They watched her wait on Leo. She didn’t look directly at them but could still see them out of the corner of her eye. She stared straight ahead, grabbing the straps of her bag tight.

Leo joined her, gave her a look, and then turned towards the boys. When Eve started to walk away, the boys started shifting around in their seats.

It was probably nothing. They were probably just getting up to go back to their dorms. But Leo sidled up close to her, his Chocolate Lab eyes shadowed.

Leo towered over her. When they first met, she thought that he must have been an athlete on campus. He had to have been over six feet, making him a solid foot taller than her.

“Where do you live?” Leo asked Eve.

“Off-campus.”

He took her arm and pulled her down the sidewalk. “Do you live far?”

“No. It’s in walking distance.”

“I’ll walk you there.”

“Thank you.”

It wasn’t until they were on the edge of campus that Eve started trembling. She was reminded of all the times she had made it back to Alex’s apartment in tears, her phone in her hand, finger ready to dial Alex’s number.

It truly sucked how much power men had. They could make her feel unsafe, terrified even. Or, if they cared, they could protect her. Like Leo was doing. The only thing that could stop a man was another man. Even Alex, who was not at all intimidating with his stocky build and baby face, could ward off creepy comments just by standing next to her.

The whole thing burned her up inside, but all she could think, walking through the city, was that she was lucky Leo was one of the good ones.

“How are you liking your other classes?” Leo asked.

“They’re fine. It’s just calc that I’m struggling with. I don’t get why I even need to take it.”

“It’s not a bad thing to be well-rounded.”

“I guess not.”

“And math is more than just math. It teaches you how to deconstruct problems before you solve them.”

They walked for a while longer, their conversation dying. Eve eventually calmed down. She was thinking about what she was going to make for dinner, whether or not they had pasta or something frozen she could shove in the oven. Alex was always nice and made sure, whenever he did the shopping, that he picked up things that she liked and could cook with her limited culinary talent.

“You know, I’ve never seen you around campus before,” Leo said.

“It’s a big campus.”

“True.”

“And I’m only a sophomore. You’re a senior.”

“Yeah.”

Eve led him around a corner. He kept close as people walked past. An old woman walking her tiny dog. A couple in matching beanies. The least intimidating the city had to offer.

They passed a bookstore with a pride flag in the window. The rainbow stripes and the triangle were prominent in the window. The flag was creased still from the packaging. The plastic-y material would never let the crinkles go until they were properly steamed out.

It wasn’t an uncommon sight anymore for flags to be displayed in businesses or outside homes or apartments, but Leo still stared it down as they came up on it, met it, and left it behind until his neck was all twisted around.

“Um, about the ally thing,” Leo said. “Do you know anything about the ally group on campus?”

“The GSA?”

“Yeah. I’ve seen some stuff about it, but I don’t really know all that much about it. Are you part of it?”

“I go to the meetings. Most of the time. They have a Twitter if you ever want to see what they do.”

“Like things they do around campus?”

“Yeah.”

“Do they do stuff often?”

“Every so often, yeah. I think there’s something coming up this weekend.”

“What is it?”

“There’s a queer author visiting. She’s giving a lecture or something.”

“Oh! I’d go to that!”

“’Cause you’re an ally?”

“Exactly! Will you be there?”

Eve hadn’t been planning on it. She had worked last weekend and the weekend before that. She had been looking forward to time to veg out on the couch. Nothing seemed more appealing than playing video games until her eyes were crossed and there was a deep ache in her sockets. And hanging out with Leo outside of tutoring was a drastic step to be taken right after their first real conversation.

But she found herself saying yes to Leo, and she found herself listening to him excitedly go on about how he was going to tell his brother he was going to a GSA event.

It was just a lecture—not that Eve meant to downplay the importance of their guests, but it was low-key compared to everything else the group did around campus. It wasn’t like their drag shows or their Friends-giving every November. It was just a thing to show up to when you didn’t have any other plans and were feeling something insightful.

Eve agreed to meet up with Leo there. She pulled up the promotional flyer from their Twitter account and got Leo’s number to send it to him. Leo asked how early they should get there, and she said it wasn’t like a movie premiere. There would be plenty of seats. They could get there a few minutes early and be fine.

Leo dropped her off at the front of her building and waited for her to get through the doors before turning around and starting off toward his own destination. No doubt, he was feeling pretty good about himself. Not only did he befriend a lesbian, but he was going to a queer lecture. Truly the ally they all needed, Eve thought.

[azurbee]

BWAAA venting, don’t be on this post if you don’t wanna hear it

So like- life is hard, that goes without saying, but shit has really been bothering me recently.

I guess that most of my problems is because of my mother, I don’t even think I can even call her one anymore. I have always been paranoid and distant from her, whenever I was young and I did something slightly wrong she would yell at me loudly or sometimes even beat me with a wooden spoon which, I probably deserved.

It’s one of the reasons why I don’t talk to her much and why I hate expressing myself without permission. I feel like if I express myself too freely people will just start getting annoyed by me and start to hate me and even start to yell at me. I’ve developed an intense fear of being yelled at, I’m fine being yelled at when it’s just joking around but when it comes down to genuine anger I just feel like a disappointment. I feel useless and unwanted and the person who yells at me should just get rid of me so that way they can feel better. I feel like I’m not aloud to make mistakes because if I do then people will start to hate me and I’ll just be a disappointment.

I really started to hate my mother when she divorced my dad. The only explanation she gave for it was “oH i JuSt DoN’t LoVe HiM aNyMoRe”. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE SOMEONE ANYMORE AFTER WHAT, ALMOST 25 YEARS??? AND EVEN AFTER YOU STARTED A FAMILY WITH THEM FOR 16 YEARS? I hated that she did that, I hate that I’m seeing her so much more happy now, I hate that she did that to my dad. Do you even realize the shit he’s been through?? You just gave him his second divorce! I don’t know why he divorce his first wife, and I don’t think I have the right to ask but my dad is the best father I could ever ask for. Unlike my mom, he actually understands my brother and I, he does whatever he can to spend time with us.

My dad has worked so hard for everyone for his whole life, he has done so much for us AND THIS IS HOW HE’S TREATED??? Two divorces, a shitty new boss who doesn’t allow him overtime for most of the time, he has to live with my step-sister and her god awful family in their zoo of a house, which may I add, ISN’T EVEN THEIR HOUSE! IT’S MY DADS AND THEY DON’T EVEN PAY HIM RENT! OH AND THEY CHERRY ON TOP, THERES A SCREAMING BABY 24/7 AND MY SISTER AND HER SHITTY HUSBAND DON’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT!!! MY DAD EVEN SAYS HE FEELS LIKE A PRISONER IN HIS OWN HOUSE!

I hate that this is what my dad gets in return for everything he has done for us, I hate that my useless ass can’t do shit about it.

There’s also the fact that I have been getting worn down by the fact I can’t have a day to rest. During the week, I have school. When it gets to Friday and the weekend I go to my dads. When there’s a weekend I don’t got to my dads, my mom forces me to go somewhere with her. It’s been so draining, I just want a weekend to go straight to a house and actually get some rest. I’ve been so burnt out from this that I don’t have the motivation to do school work or personal work and that just adds even more stress to everything.

My mom has been losing her cool a lot more recently, especially with my dogs. I’m genuinely scared she might kill them. I love my dogs to death and I don’t know what I’ll do without them.

So much shit has been happening that I’m sure that it doesn’t matter what I think anymore. I’m just a punching bag, I’m only alive to make people feel better about themselves, my feelings don’t matter. I’m tired but I can’t sleep in the same house with a women like her. I just want this to stop.

I wanted to wait a little longer but I keep getting pushed to the edge to just end it all now and no longer have to deal with this pain.

I have no point in writing this vent, this is probably all fake. I’m just faking all of this, I’m not sad I’m just doing this for attention and I hate myself for it.

[themelodicenigma]

I almost sent you this ask a few days ago, but after seeing your latest anon, I'm definitely going to send it now: an actual thank you for outlining how Fang & Vanille were written as sisters. As someone that's been in this fandom for as long as the game has been out, I find myself both leery and weary of everyone that claims that F*nille is "basically canon," and the implication (or the explicit accusation, in your last anon's case) therein that everyone who doesn't agree has failed some arbitrary morality check.

This is the only qualm I have with F*nille shippers - a lot of them are pretty chill, but I sure wish the rest of them would stop spreading fanon interpretations like wildfire and then harassing people that don't conform!

Thanks for this! I appreciate it, a lot actually. ^^ It's nice to get one that is on the same page.

I'm right there with you—stuff like that has been around for a while, though in the early days more people were outspoken in how they felt they weren't romantic, even still after LR. I've met some good shippers as well, but in my experience, they are eclipsed by the ones that share the same commentary as the last anon.

All in all, it's "typical fandom" as some say, but I'll never condone it. It just isn't necessary. If what you ship or interpret isn't the truth or isn't based on the tangible evidence, it's fine. Like, it's fine. It's not about how people see things between Fang and Vanille as romantic, whether it's about personal experiences or feelings about their actions, but rather, it's about realizing how limiting those two things can be on the ability to understand and accept when it's something else. There has to be a settle point of what we're actually dealing with. And we can just, talk about it in a real discussion.

Although media can, at times, make it difficult to tell what's what (usually on purpose artistically), these points exist and can still be agreed upon—of what can be considered truth, personal interpretation, open-ended, whatever is the arguable stuff of "this is supported/not supported", etc. When it comes to media, I don't think people realize how easy it is for these lines to blur, especially when there's motivation to do the blurring ourselves—we make it hard, when it can already be hard enough to figure stuff out. Or worse, we make it hard when it's EASY to figure stuff out. So, when the media gives you what you need to understand it, I don't think that should be taken for granted or made irrelevant just because of personal desire to make it so. And sure, there are points outside of just personal that can be made—but recognition of the limitations of said points should still be recognized when discussing possibilities, and THEN weighing the possibility against direct information that supports it. Context and execution still matters.

Fang and Vanille just haven't been treated this way. They haven't been REALLY talked about.

FFXIII fandom has had years to do it, but the forefront of the characters isn't treated this way. There are things said, but never explained completely or logically, such as the points I made in my original post. Those things are regurgitated over and over, but never a real discussion of the actual context and logic surrounding them. "Fang and Vanille slept in the same bed"—you have people say this and spread it around, but not at all, formulate a real discussion about it. But, misinformation and misconceptions spread VERY easily in fandom, like no joke, and they can be treated as truth even though it factually or even logically is not quite right. Certain interpretations take the forefront, even if they're not completely in regard to it's origin. Every fandom probably has stuff like that, I know personally of points in the Kingdom Hearts and Dragon Ball Z fandoms.

Just keep it simple—if what has been described for them allows understanding of everything between them, why SHOULD it be wrong or less viable than something that, well, has not been described? If no conflict exists, why create it? Knowing this shouldn't be hard, it's just when we reach the road blocks based on limitations of knowledge, experience, just personal motivation, etc.

And, if you think there IS a conflict based either on the material itself or your own experience, okay let's actually talk about it. Sure, understanding can still meet it's road block from the above, but even a "agree to disagree" is still better than whatever that anon was. At least the right information is in the atmosphere, where THEN discussions of perspective and understanding can be had.

It just hasn't happened enough, if at all.

In general, the FF fandom suffers with these things a lot from my observance, it definitely isn't just for Fang and Vanille or XIII. It really shouldn't be such a fight to say "Fang and Vanille are like sisters" because all avenues of information and logic are available for this to be understood. It just sucks because, yeah, while I definitely don't want people to feel like they CAN'T ship them, at the same time, I wish the full information and understanding of the characters was at the forefront. Especially when it's actually something that can be appreciated and enjoyed too, and to a lot of people, platonic relationships are something that need to be recognized more often. Not in the casual "oh they're sisters, of course they love each other" way, but rather in what otherwise is a REAL depth that matches, if not, is even sometimes greater than some romantic depictions. And actually have a genuine appreciation of that depth, and not see it as "less" because it's not romantic.

I feel like we could get there for Fang and Vanille, but it just depends on how many more years will there be people willing to share and discuss what pertains to them.

[mermaidsirennikita]

please please tell me you're joking what do you mean somebody said devil in winter is dark romance??

R/romancebooks is one of my favorite romance communities online because it's so big, but because it's so big, you occasionally get... bad faith takes, I would say.

Person posted this looooong post about how they "proposed" that EVERYONE only recommends DiW with trigger warnings because of what Sebastian did in Autumn. Which, theoretically I agree with, and I do try to remember to mention that when recommending the book. However, a few things here:

A) the kidnapping did not occur in that book, it occurred in a separate book; while Sebastian being a kidnapper at all may be problematic to some, this should be made clear

B) you can probably read the first sample chapter of DiW online and realize what he did because it's discussed in the opening of the book

C) this is so "dead dove" to me at this point--how do you do a BASIC GOOGLE of DiW and not realize that he kidnapped someone lmao, it is ON THE TIN

D) this post did not mention the other things that actually happen in DiW that you could TW for (and I'm sure this isn't complete): light somnophilia (I love to read about somnophilia and especially in that book, but I know some do not); fetishization/poor handling of Cam's Rom identity (this to me is the biggest issue in DiW and in the Hathaways, though it's obviously much lighter in the Hathaways); if you squint, strictly speaking the sickbed sex scene is dubcon because Sebastian is recovering from a gunshot wound and does say "no" a billion times. I don't know, just seems to me that it's a lot to latch on to the thing the book is more famous for while grazing over other issues that could also trigger or offend people.

E) I support trigger warnings; in an ideal world, we'd be able to apply trigger warnings to all applicable content without conflict. I think, however, there are some issues that come with them. Firstly, we have gotten to the point where we so extensively TW things that TWs are losing their power. For sure, TW a book that includes sexual assault, and warn for that. TW: cheating? I don't know, man. I don't love the idea of equating cheating with actual crimes.

I also feel that we have to acknowledge that there will never be a world in which everyone TWs all popular content correctly, and that there will never be a consensus on what "correct" is. With that in mind, here's a therapy-ism for y'all: you cannot control the behavior of others. The only behavior you truly have control over is your own.

With that in mind, I often will do a quick Google of a book and read reviews before reading it... Especially if it is a dark romance or an older historical, wherein that type of content is more likely to exist. Older historicals -> dark romance. It's a super clear pipeline. Many older historicals have been rediscovered in recent years thanks to dark romance readers picking them up and loving them.

I'm not easily triggered by sexual assault in books, I'll be real, but I do tend to like to know if it's happening. I usually find this on Goodreads. Devil in Winter is so fucking popular, I don't know how you can't easily find out that St. Vincent kidnapped and threatened to rape a woman who is not the heroine.

F) The person declaring DiW a dark romance did not seem to understand what constituted dark romance or what to expect from historical romance, which is not their fault, but does make their critiques messy. Here's the deal--I like r/romancebooks. I do think they have an overly broad definition of dark romance that can be used in bad faith, as it relies a lot on "moral ambiguity" (something nearly all fiction confronts on a regular basis--a romcom can involve morally ambiguous characters) and illegality, which is not always consistent with immorality. A character can break the law for a moral reason; in Scandalous Desires, Winter Makepeace breaks the law by stopping Mickey O'Connor's legally mandated execution (for a crime he didn't commit). Winter is doing something that is technically illegal (he's also doing vigilantism in general) but he is committing a moral and heroic act.

Is Scandalous Desires a dark romance? No. I think that, due to its relative newness as a recognized subgenre, dark romance is hard to define, though Fated Mates did a really interesting episode on it which helps with that. I believe that they came to circle around the idea that the world of the book must be dark--and it's not going to suddenly get better, even if the hero and heroine have an HEA. I consider Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy series dark romance because they're mafia books--the heroes make their living off trafficking drugs, they kill and torture people regularly, etc. A lot of this is off the page, but the world they live in is immoral and no matter how much they love their partners and how good they are as partners, that will always be true. Prior to my relatively recent exploration of dark romance, I really associated it heavily with SA and truly horrible relationship dynamics, but while that can be a part of it, is not inherent to it.

The world of Devil in Winter... is not dark, lol. Yes, it's Victorian England and there are many natural huge problems there, but it's not heightened. It's optimistic. Optimistically, it suggests that Sebastian, a spoiled viscount who's done nothing with his life, can be motivated by love to grow as a person, pick up a job, and make something out of a failing club. Optimistically, it suggests that Evie can escape her abusive family, have a final goodbye with her father, and make a new family not only with Sebastian but with her friends. There is gambling and vice, but it's largely off the page. Reform is the point. In a dark romance, Sebastian and Lillian would probably be the main couple, lol, and *a lot more* would happen besides that.

Because dark things happen in a book doesn't mean it's a dark romance, and again, Sebastian doesn't even really do fuck all in his own book.

G) Things like kidnapping, dubcon, noncon, etc are woven into historical romance. This does not make them dark romances first. This makes them close relatives of dark romance, maybe. Some of them overlap. Some are both. But dark romances they are not, inherently, because they have these elements.

Also, it is perfectly fine for any romance in almost any genre to have those things, and for it to be a beloved romance. The poster kept coming back to this idea about "conventional romance" being about moral people, and--no. That's not a thing. First off, I don't think there is a single type of conventional romance. Second, many many many books that began the modern romance genre, certainly modern historical romance, include rapist heroes, lol. And heroines! Prisoner of My Desire, anyone? And on a basic level, most characters who do anything interesting at all are not pure and good morally. What does morally pure and good even mean, because you'll get different answers from everyone.

Point is: I try to give people heads up about triggering content as much as possible. I'm not perfect. Nobody is; and some people will just not give a fuck about giving you a heads up, and that's not fair, but it is reality. So if you're going to expect the world to conform to your specific standards, you will get hurt there. Better idea, if you really are sensitive about your reading habits (which is valid) is to do some googling before you read a book, especially in more volatile subgenres like historical romance and dark romance. Not saying that is how the world should be, but for your own protection, speaking from experience--that's how you have to approach some things.

[a-flickering-soul]

I read your fantastic post about Dean w / eldest sister rabbit and. I am VERY EXCITEDLY asking if you have any thoughts on how much rabbit loves her little siblings and how that intersects with her feelings on herself. aaaa. thank u

WHOAUGHGHHHRHGHHGHHRR. Yes. I have so many thoughts about Rabbit all the fucking time. I think for a very long time she felt as if she had to, in a way, make sure everyone got what they needed. For the Spine, it looked like making sure he wasn't in his head too much and that she could make him laugh. For the Jon, a friend to goof off with and offer a bit of guidance and support. And so on and so forth. I do think her relationship with Upgrade must have been a little fraught at the start and if I think about it for too long it makes my brain start to spark like a live wire, but I think now they probably get along famously, much to the detriment of their surroundings.

I perceive Rabbit mostly as someone who expresses her fondness through a lot of teasing, but also a lot of hovering and acts of service and making sure the other person has what she thinks they need or might want, and as a result, she would very easily overextend herself without any other people necessarily noticing. When it comes to her siblings, this comes with the additional knowledge that they're not the prototype-- they're better built, more valuable, and take priority. I think this is something she must have spent a good part of the last century unraveling, and potentially even as a catalyst for the events we see take place in Red Core. I really love the idea of Rabbit realizing she can, should, and must be a little selfish-- and honestly, genuinely selfish too, not as a joke or a bit-- in order to preserve herself. And I believe her siblings would understand that too. I think she eventually begins to conceptualize her own self-care as treating herself like she would treat her siblings-- listening to herself, listening to what she needs and wants-- and that's how she begins to repair herself and her psyche.

[etherealbelphie]

Human References in the Devildom

I’m not sure whether or not I headcanon that human media is common in the Devildom, but I’m very into the idea of MC making human world references and the demon brothers having absolutely no idea what they’re talking about.

Lucifer: Please excuse me, I need to make a call.

Mammon: Who ya gonna call?

MC: GHOST BUSTERS!

Levi: MC what?

Satan: MC, what day is it today?

MC: It's Wednesday, my dudes!

Satan: What 'dudes'? It's just me.

Lucifer: Ugh, road work ahead.

MC: I sure hope it does!

Lucifer: What? No, MC. It means there's construction.

Adding on to that, Solomon being the only one who understands the references. I'm 99 percent sure that his Devilgram username (monSOLO) is a reference to Star Wars, so he can't be THAT behind on pop culture.

Lucifer, making Levi hang a painting: Okay, slide to the left.

Levi: *moves painting*

Lucifer: Hm. Slide to the right.

MC: CRISS CROSS!

Solomon: CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH!

The demon brothers are wondering how MC and Solomon have so many inside jokes, but finally realize they're human world pop culture references.

If they’d realized this the first week of the exchange program, they probably wouldn’t have cared, but by this point, they’re a few months into this ordeal, and they’ve all fallen in love with you.

As a group, they decide that in an attempt to get closer to you, they should learn more human world references.

The results are...chaotic.

Lucifer came across the term “Ok, boomer” and proceeds to use it completely wrong. He understands that it’s a diss on a generation but doesn’t understand that it’s against a specific generation.

Levi: So, if something slaps, that means it’s good. Like, if a movie is really good, it slaps. Make sense?

Lucifer: Ok, boomer.

Mammon starts Naruto running all over the HOL. Satan and Belphie see how much it annoys Lucifer and they start doing it too. Beel picks it up from Belphie, Levi starts doing it too because of course he does and Asmodeus just starts doing it for funsies.

Then they start doing it at RAD. I imagine the seven lords have quite the influence over everyone, so now the WHOLE SCHOOL is doing it. Lucifer was about to speak to Diavlo about putting a ban on Naruto running, but he couldn’t catch him.

Levi was probably the most knowledgeable about human world memes to begin with (granted, that still wasn’t much) but decides to delve even deeper.

Levi: *sees literally anything purple*

Levi: It's the man behind the slaughter!

MC: Anyway, I finally got this character I’ve been wanting since I started the game-

Levi: So, he’s like your Raymond then?

Satan decided he wanted to be a little more sophisticated in his approach, so he watched movies that the meme community satan what deemed classics.

What he didn’t realize was that classic meme movies and classic classic movies were very different things.

MC: Satan? Why are you following thirty feet behind me?

Satan: It’s romantic.

(no it’s not don’t follow twilights example pls)

Asmo fell really deep into human music. He definitely listens to Taylor Swift, but now he’s quoting her every single conversation.

Lucifer: Asmo, you have twelve overdue assignments.

Asmo: Haters gonna hate.

Beel recruited Levi to make the TV pick up human world channels, and watches shows while he’s eating.

He’s mostly watching cooking shows, of course, but what he tends to remember are the commercials.

Lucifer: Beel, pizza is not a breakfast food.

Beel: If this pizza was on a bagel, I could eat pizza anytime.

Belphie ended up on the sofa watching TV with Beel, but when he got to pick he absolutely watched children’s TV instead. It didn’t require a lot of focus, so if he fell asleep it wouldn’t really matter.

He also wound up ordering things from the commercials.

Levi: My package from Akuzon is here!

Belphie: Nope, that’s mine.

Levi: What is it?

Belphie: They’re my Stompeez.

***

This post got kind of long, but I hope you enjoy my random rambling anyways!

Edit: UM I GUESS YOU DID ENJOY THE RANDOM RAMBLINGS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE NOTES! I GUESS I'LL MAKE MORE SINCE Y'ALL SEEM TO LIKE THEM.

-Ethereal

[utilitycaster]

So you've decided to play low combat or low magic D&D:

You probably should not.

If this were a video then I'd do a fake-out fade before coming back but unfortunately my medium of choice is "long tumblr text post no one asked for", so we must soldier on.

Here's the thing: if you are a person on the internet in TTRPG spaces, and particularly if you are a D&D player, you will, at some point, hear from someone with all the misguided zeal and smug dipshittery of a missionary, though to be fair usually significantly less of the violent racism, preaching the Good Word of Indie TTRPGs that you, stupid D&D player, simply must not have heard of.

Usually, I tell these people to fuck off, because they do not have any understanding of what game I'm trying to play, ie, D&D. However, if you want a game that's not full of combat and magic, I strongly advise you actually do check those indie TTRPGs out. PbtA isn't my jam but it is almost entirely RP and simple checks, ie, the sad husk of D&D when stripped of two of its three best qualities. Not that I'm biased. Savage Worlds, also not bad. Basically, if you want to play a game that doesn't do the core things D&D does...play a game that isn't D&D.

Ok but we want to play D&D though

If you absolutely must: pick one of low combat or low magic. You can't have both. It can, technically, be done, but only by Brennan Lee Mulligan and even then it was one of the weaker Dimension 20 seasons and also 4 of the 6 players had to be rogues. Also make sure your players are fully onboard, and both you and your players should have some experience with more standard D&D. Because here's the thing: the balance of D&D - what different classes can and can't do - tends to assume a decent amount of magic and combat. A ranger might be much more useful out of combat, but a barbarian's skill set is really skewed towards the battlefield. When you mess with the balance of gameplay, you also unbalance the classes.

(continued below the jump)

You also absolutely need to have your players on board, and this might mean "we play for 3 weeks and if it sucks, we stop, reroll, and play D&D normally," because I think a lot of people are into the concept of adding these challenges without realizing that they are actually harder and often less fun to do.

If you're new to D&D, again, I need to ask: why aren't you playing a different game that is more suited to your needs.

Ok! I've picked low combat.

Ohhhhh my god u picked low combat? should we tell everyone? Should we throw a party? should we invite the dalai lama

Now that I've gotten that out of my system: You can do this. Here's what I'd advise.

make a plot heavily dependent on intrigue, mystery, or discovery. You still need stakes and a goal, and turning this into something political, investigative, or centered around creative problem-solving.

Steer players towards what are typically known as the high-utility classes, depending on what kind of plot you've picked. If it's intrigue and politics, classes that favor charisma and stealth would be wise. If it's mystery, it's time for intelligence and high perception. If it's discovery, ranger skills are helpful. I would advise people lean towards the full casters, hybrid classes, and rogues, and even then, talk through the subclasses; war clerics are going to have a rough time of it.

It's low combat, not no-combat, and if the players snap and decide to murder hobo 1. all bets are off and 2. they're valid, and dare I say correct. Let the game evolve, and don't be too closely wed to your choice of low combat if the situation no longer makes sense for it.

I've picked low magic.

I don't have any jokes for you, just a withering glance.

You can do this, and honestly a lot of high fantasy is low magic; it's just, again, D&D has wizards in it. This situation is somewhat rife for the one character playing a full caster, if you permit that, to end up with disproportionate attention, because the other thing about high fantasy is that it has chosen one narratives, which are bad in D&D. Anyway, here's my advice.

Continuing with the high fantasy aspect: you know what high fantasy has, when it doesn't suck, is really good worldbuilding. Can you do this? No? Maybe don't play low magic. I'm not only being mean here: you better have a very good reason why there's not much magic but there is some. If magic is frowned upon, why? How is this enforced? Why didn't they stomp it out entirely? If your player is a full caster, how did they become one? Even if you burned all the arcane textbooks, if you still have things like gods and the echoes of creation and draconic bloodlines, you're gonna get some sorcerers and and bards and clerics. Why haven't they killed the people controlling magic? Is that the campaign? That would rule actually, and if you're not doing this you should....but even if you're not you really do need to do a ton of extra work on your world. You did this to yourself.

Also TBH "magic is illegal" is tough to do well and "not many people have magic, they just don't" is much easier, so like, do that. If you want truly no magic, then don't allow magic. Also play Blades in the Dark or something.

You do at least have more flexibility with general plots, so that's nice.

Do NOT skimp on combat if you've gone low-magic, because most of your PCs, unless you're doing the "we are special magic users" route (in which case, technically, the world is low magic but the game isn't), will be uh, low-magic, which means their abilities are all about fighting.

To that end: steer your characters towards martial classes unless the plot is Bringing Magic Back. Hybrid classes are good options if you'd like some magic but not too much.

FOR REAL THOUGH while a low-combat game can be framed as "these characters aren't in a place with tons of violence", a low-magic world needs the worldbuilding to support it. Are you up for the task?

[goldengoddess]

hi could you do headcanons of the only one bed trope with nikolai lantsov after they get stranded in the middle of a town and have to get help from locals.

one bed - nikolai lantsov ♡

a/n: this started as a hc but i probably should have just written it as a fic bc by the end it feels like it but oh well! i know i haven’t posted in a while but here y’all go <333

warnings: sharing a bed? fluffy!

why does this trope fit nikolai so well

like it would just make sense that he would get stuck in this situation

you could tell nikolai was doing his best to keep a fake smile plastered on his face

shaking hands with locals and thanking them for their hospitality 

but when the two of you finally step away from the loving citizens of the ravkan town, his smile drops 

replaced by a look of absolute frustration

you bite your lip, not sure how to proceed

the two of you are friends of course, always working side by side 

and though you harbored a small crush for the young king

the two of you weren’t exactly close

“uh nikolai” you hesitated, “are you okay?”

he ran a hand through his hair 

why was that movement so attractive?

“yeah, i just really hate this entire situation” 

you nod you head in understanding

the two of you were on a quick recon mission, a mission that the king insisted in being a part of 

what should have been an easy mission turned much more complicated 

the two of you getting stuck in some tiny town in the middle of nowhere 

thankfully, everyone hear loved king nikolai and offered a room at a local motel 

“but it’s alright” nikolai continued, “everything will be fine when we can each get a good nights sleep to leave us well rested to get us home tomorrow” 

he smirks devilishly in your direction 

and obviously, because the world hates you, you feel your entire face turn red and hot 

just by his stare 

saints 

but when nikolai opens the door, even the king himself is left a blushing mess 

one bed

only one bed

for the two of you

wow the universe is really into cruel jokes isn’t it ?

you both stare at each other 

eyes wide 

“you take” nikolai starts as you say “um i’ll sleep”

the two of you pause and nikolai properly steps into the room, inviting in you in as well

with a laugh, he starts over, “you take the bed i’ll grab some blankets and sleep on the floor 

you gape at him 

this man is nuts

you shake your head, “you’re the king! i’ll sleep on the floor, you have to take the bed”

he raises an amused eyebrow

“i have to take the bed, i thought i was king. who are you to give commands?” he teases 

this earns him a hard eye roll on your part 

he sighs as he watches you sit on the floor with a couple of blankets

“we are mature enough to sleep together”

your turn to raise an amused eyebrow at him

he coughs like a teenage boy

“in the same bed”

you can’t help but grin

the king getting flustered at the idea of sleeping in the same bed as you? interesting

that’s how the two of you end up lying on opposite sides on the large queen bed

you can feel his small and subtle movements

it’s too close and your mind is racing and pushing you to reach out and grab his hand or something

anything

but he’s just so close

practically feel the heat radiating off of him

he’s probably a teddy bear to hug

trying to fall asleep, you try and match nikolai’s weirdly steady breathing

eventually you fall asleep

but nikolai, beside you, watches you

the rise and fall of your chest

unbeknownst to you, admiring your beauty

the next morning surprises the two of you

nikolai’s arm draped lazily around your waist

your face buried in the crook of his neck

your breath tickling his skin wakes him

and his grip around your waist tightens

causing you to wake up

and for a second you cuddle into his embrace further

before you realize who you’re cuddling

in an awkward string of apologies you scramble to edge of the bed

nikolai though, just props his head up on his hand and smugly smirks in your direction

like a lounging royal king

if you weren’t so embarrassed you’d roll your eyes

you apologize once more

“that’s too bad, i was enjoying it”

his smirk drops for a second

replaced by a sincere smile

you notice his fingers twitch at his side

does he want to reach out to you?

slowly

and with more hesitance that you’ve ever shown in your life

you lean back into his shoulder

and the of your release a sigh of relief at the same time

after a couple of minutes like that, you turn your body so you’re facing him

he takes a strand of your hair and tucks it behind your ear

his fingers stroking your cheek

“you’re breathtaking” he whispers in awe

and that little crush you had, sours and transforms into an overwhelming care for the young man in front of you

you mimic his movements

tangling your hand in his locks

“as are you my king”

taglist;

@vintagebitc @obiwansjedi @thegirlwiththeimpala @hybrid-in-progress @mrs-brekker15 @mrsbrekkers @simplyluvzuko @ode-to-joy @gallysonegoodlung @sixofshadowandbone @castielcouldbeasecretdentist @meiitanoia @caaarstairs @itisrogue @the-jess-life @xsamsharons @heavenlymidnights @tinyfwoggie @the-abyss-gazed-back @buckystarlight @deardiarystuff @bookishcrows @kazsimp 

if your name is in bold it means i couldn’t tag you! send me an ask to be added to my taglist!

[haik-choo]

I don't write cause I feel I don't have a good grasp on the characters personalities etc, the characterisation of akaashi post is so helpful! 👀👀 Would you do kuroo or bokuto?

a/n: I hope you like both of these! again, if yall want me to do others, let me know! these are across the span of their life, so some may seem college-related and some may seem young-adulty! 

[MISCHARACTERIZATIONS OF BOKUTO AND KUROO]

bokuto kotaro.

clueless: i’ve stated this in akaashi’s post, but bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent. he can pick up on the slightest changes in people’s demeanor or posture, he can tell if someone is sad or happy even if they aren’t good at displaying emotions. he’s not a dumbass -- and he can pick up on others’ limits and boundaries very quickly. despite his ability to read people relatively well, he has no qualms about pushing people out of their comfort zones and forcing them to do things they might hate at first, but will love later. he pushes boundaries according to your comfort level, and respects your hard limits. 

only positive: a lot of people write bokuto to be someone ho’s only happy-go-lucky, or someone who rarely gets sad (aside from his moods that are less sad and more discouraged), but I think that almost dehumanizes him. he gets back up faster than most, yes, and at the end of a lost game where everyone is crying, bokuto is dry-eyed. he’s the type to get home and plop down on his bed, face-first into his pillow, lips quivering and eyes lightly watering. there are times where he feels insecure, especially when he’s younger, just because he can tell he’s different from the rest. he has a feeling that people are put-off from his personality, he has a feeling that he’s not as (traditionally/academically) smart as everyone else, he has a feeling that some people find him annoying. that’s why when he’s near his close friends he’s very loose -- he doesn’t feel the need to hold back even a little because he knows that they love him for him. this translates to his toxic trait with his lover being that he feels dejected/insecure if you ever want space. while he can read boundaries, he would really benefit from a lover who has just as few as he, because then he can be his truest self.

love-at-first-sight: he’s not the type to fall in love at one glance, he’s just not. yes, he might get interested or you may catch his attention, but he’s not going to fall in love with someone because they have a pretty smile. it’s not that he’s calculated or over-thinks his emotions, he knows exactly what he feels, it’s just that his heart is a little slow when it comes to falling in love. he’s such an energetic all-over-the-place person that love is never really on his mind (he gets into some trouble with accidentally leading girls on because he’s so friendly). when he eventually falls in love, though....oh boy. he stutters, he’s over-thinking all his movements when it comes to you -- he’s usually impulsive but with you he really, really doesn’t want to screw up. he wants everything to go smoothly -- so he’s the type to plan out a confession and actually try to stick to it. when it comes to something like love, bokuto is surprisingly slow and careful, because he knows how fragile a heart is. 

never gets angry: i think most people like to imagine his anger is so rare because the image of an angry bokuto is scary, especially with his stature. and while it’s true his anger is uncommon (because he’s good at processing his own emotions and not lashing out at others), when he does get angry it can be pretty unnerving. he’s the type to slam his fist on the counter unknowingly when having a really bad fight with his lover, and he has a booming voice. he’d never hit someone, but he doesn’t realize how intimidating his physique is. anger is uncommon, but that doesn’t mean he’s not scary. he always apologize afterwards, though.

boundless confidence: i touched on it earlier, that he has bouts of insecurity, but again, i really want to emphasize that he’s not endlessly confident. honestly, maybe in the anime and manga he seems that way, but if you want to make him more human, have more life than a fictional character, you have to create limits or certain traits. bokuto is very sensitive, and the slightest thing can either inflate his ego or deflate it. plays in volleyball constantly not working may dig at his confidence, but he always re-inflates. in real life, outside the court, there are things that keep his confidence low everytime they happen. fights with his lover are one of these things; he’ll get jealous when they leave the apartment after a fight because he’ll worry about you finding someone more stable than him. jealousy alone is a solid sign of chipped confidence, something that someone as sensitive as bokuto gets every once in a while. 

overall, bokuto is a lot more intelligent than what people give him credit for. he’s honest with his own emotions and can read people very well, which is probably why he’s such a people person, but he still has flaws. he does not have boundless confidence or have no perception of boundaries; he’s unbelievably understanding. he may be initially insecure, have intimidating anger, etc. but ,after all, he’s human, isn’t he? 

kuroo tetsuro. 

sex god: don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that he’s had a lover or two, especially in college, and that he’s played the field a little bit. but i don’t see him as the guy that has had sex with every person in his major. he’s a genuine guy and can’t have sex with someone he’s not emotionally invested in -- despite not being a ‘player’, he’s totally gotten in trouble with a few people because they think he’s leading them on when he walks with them to class everyday. 

intimidating: people always characterize him as this mysterious, sexually intimidating guy, but i just can’t see him as someone intimidating. if anything, he may be a little unapproachable because he has a really tight knit group of friends that he’s always with, but he’s not scary. he’s not the center of attention but he’s not a wallflower either, he enjoys observing people and watching drama play out, but he’s not silent and glaring all the time. he’s quite fun, he’s loud, and he enjoys embarrassing his friends in public. he’s the type to twerk in public and laugh his ass off when akaashi or kenma give him the side-eye and bro-kuto joins in. he likes to have fun, ya know? i don’t know about you, but a guy that twerks in public isn’t very scary, to me at least. 

prideful: I understand why people paint him as a prideful guy, he obviously likes what he does and has a personable personality, but honestly, he’s not perfect. he often has moments where he doubts himself because of his past decisions, his career one of them. kuroo is an amazing middle blocker, and his choice to go into sports advertisement rather than an actual volleyball league no doubt haunts him at night sometimes. he thinks of the ‘what-ifs’, and he dreams of what he could be. especially since his best friend is bokuto, a professional player, it’s often on his mind. it’s a super touchy subject for him, and if someone were to question his job-choice i have no doubt that he’d get really sour and distant from that person because he’s not sure of himself either. 

frat boy: he’s not someone who can’t cook, he’s not someone who sleeps at 5am everyday, hungover. he’s not the type of person to be immature in any way -- he’s got his shit together. i’m sure most people can actually see this, but kuroo is very responsible and realistic (which is part of the reason he didn’t do professional volleyball). he does his taxes, does his homework, gives out good advice, gets up early and eats everything that a healthy person should eat (in all the right proportions, too). he doesn’t even drink often, if anything he’s just a social drinker. he goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 6am to work out, no joke. he’s gotta keep that physique somehow. 

decisive: i know i said he’s responsible, but i don’t think that translates to decisive. i can see him having a lot of conflicting things going on in his life, different wants and different paths that he wants to take but can’t keep all open. it happens in love, his career, his college major, etc. he wants a lot in life, he wants success, happiness, a good love-life, everything. when he had to choose between volleyball and a life-long, stable career, he was broken for weeks. was he good enough for his dream? was it wise to chase his dream? would it be better to get more kids into volleyball, do what he did, what he couldn’t do? in his love life he always hesitates, too: does he see a life with them? how long will they love him? will they be able to deal with him once they see that he’s not perfect? is it worth it? it doesn’t matter if he’s in love or not, because his extreme caution can come off as very distant and unwilling to let you in, hence his toxic trait. he’s indecisive, scared, yet passionate and hard-working. 

overall, kuroo is full of contradiction. he wants a lot from life and is willing to work for it. he has dreams and tries to stay healthy and put himself out there, have fun, the whole shabang -- but he’s not perfect. he’s overly cautious when it comes to making important decisions simply because he can see a future with all of the different paths he can take. but honestly, isn’t everyone a little contradictory?