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a-bottle-of-tyelenol · 5 months ago

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Seeing people on tiktok say that they can’t feel bad for Ctimene (ody’s sister and eury’s wife) because Eurylochus gave up on her, unlike Odysseus who never gave up on Penelope, genuinely infuriates me.

cw: discussions of suicide particularly towards the end

People act as if it’s Eurylochus’ fault for not being strong enough, as if Odysseus is the expectation and not the INSANE outlier, and say that Eurylochus borderline deserved to die because of it. Ignoring how gross that mindset is, especially given the implications that Eurylochus killing the cow was effectively an act of suicide, Odysseus should NOT be seen as the typical man because he isn’t.

He should have died. Multiple times, in fact. If we look at the Iliad, Odysseus would have died during the war if not for Athena’s intervention (she literally redirects a spear in his abdomen so it’s not lethal when he’s alone and completely surrounded by Trojans) and that was likely the case for the ENTIRE TEN YEARS that they fought, a luxury that no other man (barring Diomedes) would have been given. I bring this up because it sets a precedent on what to expect with Odysseus and how he is inherently treated differently than regular men.

I see Eurylochus defenders often bring up how magic and monsters are not the norm for regular men, and how Odysseus is only chill with it because he was chosen by Athena and related to Hermes, and they’re RIGHT. I literally cannot stress enough how insanely bonkers it is to treat Odysseus as the standard for men, or humans as a whole, when his experience is so different! Even just as a king, he was likely far more exposed to the gods and magic than your regular footman would be. Do you genuinely think Eurylochus would have ever spoken even a word to Achilles, a half-mortal? How likely was it that he knew Ares and Aphrodite were disguised and physically on the field (so close that Diomedes literally stabbed them), let alone got close enough to experience it himself? He likely knew that Zeus’ favor was in play, or that Apollo was blessing the other side, but how much was he really faced with? How much did Odysseus bother to tell him? Within the context of how I think EPIC’s version of the Iliad would go, how much of Eurylochus’ experience of the war just him handling the men and spreading the basic plans or news from Ody to their armies? How much did Odysseus filter that news? And even if he didn’t, how real was it to Eurylochus when, as a normal man, he likely never faced any of this himself?

It’s implied in EPIC (through the fact that it’s never brought up) that the crew, including Eurylochus, don’t even know about Athena! They don’t even know that she was helping! They don’t even know that she left!

How is Eurylochus ever comparable to Odysseus?

Back to the original topic, Odysseus’ will to go home was so inhuman that it nearly destroyed him! He spent the entire musical desperately grasping to the side that makes him human— the man that he was when he left home— and his choice to stop and delve into the other side of himself fundamentally changed him! He is not the man Penelope knew! And she will have to fall in love with him again!

Odysseus is consistently placed as something above man and below god, and it is consistently the driving force of every conflict he experiences. He is too mythical, which drives the wedge between him and his entirely human crew. He is too much of a man, which incites the tensions he has with every god he comes in contact with. The only reason Odysseus makes it home in EPIC is because he started leaning away from being a man! That is the entire point of Monster! That is the entire point of Scylla likening him to her! That is the entire point of Odysseus having a song named after him!

Eurylochus fundamentally does not have this option! He, quite literally, is just a man and that is the whole point of him taking the phrase from Odysseus! He isn’t attempting to justify himself, he’s admitting defeat because no regular man can go on like this! And he’s right!

You can make a thousand arguments over the conflict of free will and fate— particularly when it comes to the cows and the crew. In the Odyssey, it is very likely that, had the cows not been touched, it would have been possible for everyone to return home, but because they ignored the prophet’s warning, man’s free will overwrote that and their fate then became to die. This only works in the Odyssey, however, because Poseidon never actually tries to kill Odysseus (and by proxy, his crew) in that story! He can’t because it was always Odysseus’ fate to return home and the gods cannot ignore fate! In EPIC, however, that’s not the case and Poseidon likely would have just killed the crew in that final fight before they reached Ithaca anyways. Odysseus would have been the only survivor regardless!

And why is that? Because Odysseus is unlike the other men and comparing any of them to him is inherently setting them up for failure. Eurylochus did not have to love Ctimene any less than Odysseus loved Penelope in order to give up. He did not have to love her less than he loved the crew that he fought so hard to keep alive. He did not even have to be weaker in will than Odysseus. His fate was sealed as soon as things started going wrong because that is the fate of a mere man in a tragedy.

And even if that weren’t the case and Eurylochus could’ve gone home if he hadn’t killed that cow, he literally could not have know that. He was starving and wracked with thirteen years of trauma and three years of grief and starvation. It is insane to me to say that he couldn’t have loved Ctimene as much because he gave up after everything that he went through— because he thought (correctly) that he was going to die regardless. As someone who severely struggles with suicidal thoughts and has for my entire life, I do not love anyone any less just because I’m on the brink of giving up and the same is true for anyone that’s given up. They don’t love their family, their partners, their friends any less than the ones that fight to keep going. It is simply more complicated than that.

We don’t know much about her in canon, but I believe that Ctimene was loved and that she deserves to have the space of anger towards Odysseus and grief towards her lost husband, regardless of his decisions. Eurylochus can love her with his entire being and still end up where he did. Iirc, Odysseus in the Odyssey wished that he had been killed during the war because of the hardships he faced trying to get back home. That wish, regardless on if he acted on it, does not mean he loved Penelope any less.

I don’t like this notion people have that Eurylochus’ love is lesser than Odysseus’ just because Eurylochus gave up, and I don’t think it’s fair to compare them at all.

The message this gives off is really gross to me and is a bit too victim blamey and unempathetic for my tastes. Eurylochus made a hasty decision (a lot, if not most, people who commit suicide do it impulsively during a low point) and it was one that was fueled by extremely idiosyncratic circumstances. To me, everything Eurylochus did was understandable and even relatable to a degree, even up until the end.

Eurylochus is more like me, more like the average person, and Odysseus could ever be and I would never see his love as any less just because he failed to meet those impossible expectations.

#my post #cw sui mention #it’s 8 am and I just woke up so sorry if this is rambley nonsense lolol #epic #epic the musical #epic eurylochus #epic ctimene #eurymene #epic eurymene #epic thunder saga

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royal-bubble-tea · 5 months ago

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Stray Kids Headcanon

Stray Kids as Teachers 🤓📚

I'm currently studying to become a teacher and sitting in one of my lectures I wondered what kind of teachers the SKZ members would be and what subject(s) they would teach.

Bang Chan 🐺

he is super calm and understanding, his patience level cannot be reached

tries to be best friends with his students always trying to make them comfortable

He would hate to be the bad guy, would rather have a chill time but can be stern if need be

would always find a way to help a struggling student

is loved by all teachers and parents a like

If you meet him in public he is open to chat but wants to separate his private and work life

He dresses casual and of course in all black, but still looks handsome and approachable

Subjekts he would teach: Music (obviously) and physical education

He knows that these subjects are not for everyone but he would encourage his students and would give good grades for trying your best

Lee Know🐈‍⬛

He is that one weird teacher but in a good way

Would claim that he hates his students or that they annoy him, but deep down he loves and adores them

Has inside jokes with his students

In contrast to Bang Chan he is the one who would avoid his students in public, this man would literally vanish

Is okay with parents but parent teacher conferences still stress him out

His fashion style would be more towards business or silly/ cat sweathers

His subject would be: geograhpy, he is introverted and acts like a cat so I feel this subject fits him very well

He is an amazing choreographer and performer so he needs/is good with structure so this subject fits him well

Would have pictures of his cats on his desk, can easily be distracted if asked about them

He once spend an entire lesson talking about his cats

Changbin🐷🐰

He is always so loud and has to much energy, which is good when its the end of the school day but if your are not a morning person then pray that you don't have him as your teacher in the first lessons

Is also very good with the parents, especially with the moms

Is loved by everyone in the teachers room, even the school secretary loves him

Also dresses either casual because of him being a p.e. teacher or dressing up trying to impress the cute art teacher

Another physical education teacher who supports his students and wants his students to have fun during his classes and maybe take some ideas or inspiration home with them

His other subject is math, but he is not a scary maths teacher, he often tries to help everyone understand the topic and is willing to explain it more that once

Hyunjin 🥟

Mr. Picasso himself definetly is an Art teacher

Walking around the hallways with paint stains on his hands and clothes

Sleeves rolled up and colours sprinkled up to his elbows, pencils or brushes behind his ears

He would dress in slacks and a dress shirt, but the sleeves would be rolled up and some buttons loosened

Let's students listen to music and encourages them to get creative

Will love everything as long as it is close to the guidelines or the topic

He is part of pabo Racha and it shows a little in the organisation of his desk or class room

Has a crush on the cute little p.e. teacher but does not know how to act on it, has a folder of drawings (draw him like one of your french girls)

Jisung 🐿

Music teacher, I don't have to explain this one

He loves to teach this subject often getting carried away from the Curriculum and just wanting to enjoy making music with his students

Writes songs for the theatre club

Leader of the school band, won multiple prices at different competitions, is so damn proud when looking at the awards displayed in the hallways

He is a little air head, walking around the school with his clothes a mess and sheets of paper trailing behind him

Don't make him do parent teacher conferences because he will cry, he begs Chan to take his conferences

Has a crush on the geography teacher, writes songs about him/for him in secret

Felix 🐥

Not a teacher but a social worker

Pure ray of sunshine, the students love him and often come to him to consult with him if they have trouble in school

Parents will cry tears of joy after talking to him and getting help and guidelines on how to parent their children

Organises special school bonding events for the students, like charity events or fund raisers, sports festival .... you name it

Students will always volunteer to help him

But not only students can come to him to talk, some teachers seek him out as well for comfort or to have a nice little chat

He makes sure that Chan goes home on time, drinks enough water and stops stressing about everything

Seungmin🐶

Similar to Minho, acts all tough and like he does not give a shit about his students but he will fight for them and protect them at all cost

His subjects would be something science related, he is just smart like that

Tries to make his lessons as fun as possible to make sure that pupils understand the topic

Leader of the debate club, he loves to see his students destroy opponents in discussions, often offers some snarky or sarcastic comments himself

Has a soft spot for one of the art teachers but will never admit it out loud or will fight you if you mention it

Jeongin🦊

The youngest amongst the teachers and not even a full on teacher yet

Currently still a student teacher, but already in love with the job and the students

Another Art teacher, but more modern art and design focused

Loves to share an office with Hyunjin, but would love his personal space back even more

Often comes to consult with Chan, sometimes doubting himself after being critised

Has a crush on the science teacher but fears that his feelings are not reciprocated or that he may not be smart enough

Students love him, give him good feedback and would be more than happy to have him as a long term teacher

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 1 year ago

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Hey I know this isn't on-topic for an Eridan blog but you're the best HS theorist I know <3 so do you happen to have any theories about WHY Gamzee faked god tier? I always see theories about how he could be a real god tier too, or about how he manages to be immortal even though he's not god tier, but I cannot find any discussion of WHY he bothered with that ruse in the first place!!! He didn't even fool anyone, unless we count Caliborn for like 2 secs before Hussie told him the truth, and all he got for his trouble was shot!

I think it's mostly a gag, but this is the Analyzing Homestuck blog, so: I think it's because Gamzee wants to look like an adult to impress Caliborn.

Gamzee's lusus is physically neglectful.

But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.

And several things stem from that neglect - the first, his indoctrination into the Clown Cult, the second, his extensive and all-encompassing drug usage, and the third, his poor social skills, which leave him ostracized by his teammates.

Let's first take a look at what, exactly, that religion entails:

You belong to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT, which foretells of a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS which will rise one day on a MYTHICAL PARADISE PLANET that does not exist yet. The beliefs of this cult are SOMEWHAT FROWNED UPON by those dwelling in more common lawnrings.

TC: I PeEpEd oN A PlAcE Of 6 tRiLlIoN HeMoS TC: AlL Up aT OnE RoCk, BlEeDiNg aS EqUaLs TC: It's eAsY To sEe iF YoU SeArCh aLl yOuR FeElInS TC: ThAt pEaCe hApPeNs fIrSt, AnD MuRdEr's tHe sEqUeL TC: It's tHe bEaUtY Of tHe cArNiVaL, tHe mAgIc's iN TeNtS

TC: all my life i believed at a fuckin paradise to come what held the most baller, darkest of carnivals to join. TC: AND A PROPHECY TC: to tell all about a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels steeped in the good harshwhimsy. TC: THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WERE FORETOLD TO BE CRASHING THAT FUCKING PIE STAND AND BRING THE HOLY RUCKUS. TC: like a giddy fuckin ninja one wheeling head long at the hugest fuckin horn heap shangri la's got to see. TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VAST HONK, YOU BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER. TC: what i believed in it to be was so beautiful, us and them all mellowing in tents, bumpin sounds, tossing back the faygo and soaking the miracles up our faith sponges, while the special stardust rained down at our elixir sticky faces, like a bunch a fuckin fairy powder from religion space. TC: IT WAS GOING TO BE US AND MOTHER FUCKING THEM. TC: them and mother fuckin us. :o(

In essence: Gamzee's cult believes that there will be a Vast Honk, which will kill all trolls; however, "a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels" will usher in/create a new paradaisical planet of nothing but good vibes and chill times, where the "mirthful messiahs" will get to enjoy eternity.

There's pretty clear parallels here to the Christian concept of the Rapture, which fits in with the Garden of Eden/Original Sin themes of the Dancestors and the Second Coming thing Karkat's got going on. But, more importantly, it's also pretty directly just... what SGRUB/SBURB are all about. Their original population all dies, but a bunch of kids band together to create a new universe, with new planets, where theoretically live out the rest of their godhood in peace and happiness.

Were it not for the casteist influences as a result of being a cult largely followed by highbloods, there'd pretty much be nothing inherently objectionable about Gamzee's belief system - it's fundamentally hopeful, and, in fact, when he raps about it to Tavros, part of it is outright about "equalizing" the hemocaste (they all bleed as equals, see). Tavros agrees:

AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

Next, we'll look at the sopor usage and ostracization together, because I think they're interlinked. People on Gamzee's team are friggin' mean to him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU?? GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU

CT: D --> What you do appear to know is e%actly how to ma%imize my livid contempt for you CT: D --> With your revolting language and your sense of decorum CT: D --> At such breathtaking odds with the richness and perfe%ion of your b100d CT: D --> I just hate you so much

CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT

On the whole, the team treats him as the party joke, if not outright worthy of derision. The one person on his team who IS nice to him, Tavros, ghosts him after Gamzee is too forward and asks to make out with him. He's deeply lonely, and what's more, his introductory narration is littered with pessimism.

You'll be doing one thing then something else hits you just like that and you roll with it. That's what you do when life hands you lemons. You sure as fuck don't make lemonade because who the fuck knows where that fuckin' shit comes from?

Someone is bugging you. This is exciting. You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you.

That last one makes it clear that Gamzee is also aware of how much people on the team don't like him.

I'm also of the opinion that "Soft Gamzee" was always fake and never existed, which is outright stated by Hussie from the book:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-put lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

But there's evidence for this - Gamzee has actually always been kind of casteist:

AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR, TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA,

He's trying to be affectionately so here, but given Tavros's "whoa, haha," reaction, it seems like it's still a pretty out-of-pocket thing to say. Especially in light of GamRezi, it's pretty easy to read him as making passive-aggressive digs to Terezi here:

TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT. TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh...

TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

His reaction to Eridan is also "indulge emotional theatrics," but depending on whether you believe Eridan killed his lusus, it's debatably justified. I'm just going to mention that that's also there.

His constant assertion that Karkat is his best friend, which isn't reciprocated until after murderstuck, also kind of reads as a palecrush to me. This is supported by the fact that Nepeta has always had pale GamKat on her shipping wall - which I believe is more representative of how people feel and what they want than whether a romantic pairing is viable, as part of her Heart (and NOT Blood) powers.

He won't stop referring to Karkat as his best friend, really awkwardly changes the topic when the conversation has led to him having to acknowledge that Karkat is closer to Sollux (whom Karkat calls his best friend):

TC: yEaH mAyBe BuT hE's YoUr BeSt FrIeNd ThOuGh So It'S aLl CoOl. TC: AnYwAy I tHoUgHt ThIs SoUnDeD lIkE a PrEtTy BiG mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaL mY mAn. TC: aAaUuUhHh... CG: WHAT. TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE. TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.

(Sidebar about the usage of "best friend," Karkat pretty much outright says he's unreliable when it comes to who his best friend is at any given moment LOL - he spends pre-murderstuck insisting Sollux is HIS best friend. King of mixed signals.)

EB: who is gamzee? CG: HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. EB: really? i thought terezi was your best friend. ... CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

If we take Hussie's statement that Gamzee lied when he chased Vriska (whom he doesn't like) away from his horn pile -

GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH… VRISKA: What? GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT… GAMZEE: I DoN'T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i'm pReTtY MuCh sCaReD Of yOu, SoyEaH. VRISKA: Aww. ::::)

Then it stands to reason he's also lying about being scared of Jack so he can prevent Eridan from providing Karkat with emotional support:

CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

So, personally, signs point to Gamzee always having been a lot shiftier and meaner than he let on.

Naturally, that begs the question of why he's pretending to be nicer and higher than he actually is (not that he isn't high, but he's definitely more cognizant of what's going on than people both in- and out-of-universe give him credit for). Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: it's because he loves his friends and wants to get along with them.

You like to chat a lot with your pal Karkat, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot.

Gamzee's story pre-murderstuck is a pretty tragic one about a kid who never got to learn proper socialization and has whacked-out religious beliefs, whose neglect from his lusus has left him with deep loneliness, who desperately wants to fit in with his friends, especially the lowbloods, and therefore feels the need to hide how pessimistic and angry he actually is under the guise of drug usage and not retaliating against the constant digs they make at him.

I also feel like I have to specify that Gamzee was already a pretty angry, mean, troubled kid prior to Murderstuck, because it helps to clarify his actions after being influenced by Lil' Cal. The nonlinear nature of the story kind of confuses the sequence of events, but it seems to be as follows:

Dave blasphemes against Gamzee's religion so hard that Gamzee has a total crisis of faith.

Gamzee has a breakdown and gets so pissed off that he oopsie-daisy'd a jester puppet into John's room on Prospit.

Gamzee, with his faith lost ("and now i don't know what to think about the spiritual fantasies i had"), Tavros dead, and thus in a very emotionally fragile state, is contacted by Doc Scratch and given instructions (likely to kill his friends and paint his wicked pictures in their blood). At some point during this, he falls under Lil' Cal's influence, too. As every person we've seen under LE's sway has very compelling, natural reasons for acting the way they do, I think it's better to see Lil' Cal's influence as influence and not mind control. It brings out the worst in its victims, but only what was already there.

This seems to give Gamzee a new belief system to replace/supplement the old.

TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit. TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO. TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling. TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS. TC: we are higher than you, brother. TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY. TC: honk. CG: GAMZEE CG: PLEASE NO TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand. TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE. TC: they were always both me. :o) TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:

Remember, his original belief system actually emphasized equalizing the castes - in death, anyway. It also never specified that the Mirthful Messiahs would be specifically highbloods. The hint that Gamzee had internalized casteism was always there, but now that his belief system has been supplanted by this new one, delivered by Doc Scratch (the story's Devil figure), his casteism becomes full-blown:

GAMZEE: heheh. GAMZEE: CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT. GAMZEE: it's the peasantblood. GAMZEE: HEH HEH. GAMZEE: fuckin heh. EQUIUS: D --> Peasantb100d EQUIUS: D --> Is that a joke GAMZEE: if your blood. GAMZEE: IS A RUNNING MOTHERFUCKING GAG. GAMZEE: then soon. GAMZEE: IT WILL BE RUNNING. GAMZEE: through my motherfucking fingers.

TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know? CG: UH... CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.

Basically, the religious boy had a crisis of faith and was tempted by the Devil into becoming his servant - into desiring utter oblivion for everyone except his own continued existence within the one doing the destroying, rather than a paradise of love, friendship, and hope. And this new faith is what carries Gamzee through to the end of the comic:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE. KARKAT: WHATEVER. AT LEAST HE STOPPED KILLING PEOPLE.

So where does that bring us WRT the fake god-tier ensemble? Well, god-tiering in general is kind of a metaphor for becoming an adult - SGRUB/SBURB sets out for its player a quest directly tied into their maturation into adults, and god-tiering is (normally) supposed to sit right at the end of that questline, a semi-permanent state achieved at the end of adolescence. Characters who DO manage to god-tier without having naturally reached that point in their questline, especially Vriska, Dave, and Rose, have struggles that deal directly with "growing up too fast" - Vriska with the expectation that she be a vicious murderer, Dave with having never addressed his trauma and abuse, and Rose with having missed out on a loving relationship with her mother because she insisted on being more mature than her.

Gamzee's relationship to Caliborn is that of a parent:

ARANEA: It is just as well that cheru8 parents a8andon their offspring. Raising such a child 8y the familial standards of any race would 8e a monumental challenge. ARANEA: Nevertheless, it would seem there were those who tried. ARANEA: Details in my research suggest our villain had a num8er of acolytes oper8ting in the shadows, preparing for his arrival.

Kurloz also directly states that Gamzee's role in their religion is to serve and mentor their young lord:

KURLOZ: I COME BEARING THEE FINAL JOLLY ACCOUTREMENT MY FAITHFUL INVERTEBROTHER KURLOZ: THY BARDLY REGALIA IS DONE AND FUCKING DUSTED BY THE SPECIAL STARS THEMSELVES KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA KURLOZ: OUR LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE

And even beyond the religion aspect, Gamzee would take this job mother fucking seriously...

... Because his own parent failed him. See, we tie it all back to the beginning! Gamzee putting together a shitty fake god tier outfit is because he wants to be a good parent to Caliborn, an adult figure he never had in his own life, and god tiering is symbolic of that. And I think the saddest part is, he still didn't really manage to do that... because, perpetuating the neglect he faced from his own lusus, he wound up locking the two in a room and leaving them alone - possibly out of exasperation.

ARANEA: We will pro8a8ly never know who these scurrilous conspir8tors were. 8ut it is evident that at some point the cheru8 was locked in a room, either out of exasper8tion, or for its own good, until it was old enough to enter the session.

Like, I feel kind of bad for Gamzee, y'know? Especially since, alongside Eridan, he's one of the trolls the fandom seems to understand the least, and his story is also one of being failed by his family, society, and friends. This winds up turning him towards the worst parts of himself - the religious fundamentalism, the casteism, the emotional isolation - and away from the good - the fact that he loved his mother fucking friends, enough to wish upon them eternal paradise.

#homestuck #gamzee makara #homestuck analysis #homestuck lore #idk what to tag this #also i give up on fixing the colors. sorry

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 7 months ago

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s5 episode 10 "chinga" thoughts

after yesterday's trees that ate people, i am curious to see where we are going. however, i have heard that this episode and the 2 after it are very good, so i am excited to see where this takes us.

post-episode review: another contender for my (now crowded) best episodes of all time list! but take us back to yesterday...

let's read the description here... oh! this happens in a coastal town in maine? are we going to see BEACH mulder and scully? oh! this is giving me many ideas!

and yes, the description also mentions a girl and a doll i assume to be evil, but hey! maine! salt water taffy! seashells! lobsters! moose! blueberries! a quaint little motel!

ah, can you picture it? oh, do i need to write some sort of vacation fic? has this seed been planted? and will it continue to grow?

let us find out!

this girl (polly) has a creepy doll. she is glaring at her mother (melissa). she must not want to go shopping. don’t make eye contact, old lady who walks by them. that child has an evil spirit. i can tell.

“i don’t like this store, mommy” <- so does she like other stores? other grocery stores? can she sense something here that displeases her? her mother clarifies that they will only be a minute

ohhhh, when she says she wants to go home, the doll’s eyes open. don’t care for that. AND THE DOLL TALKS??

poor mom sees visions of the butcher stabbing himself in the eye?? and the cart’s wheels go wild!!!

“please, don’t do this to mommy”, melissa begs her child <- so she KNOWS that her daughter and/or the doll are somehow responsible for all this??? GIRL!!! she just needs to eat!! they haven’t invented doordash yet!! how will polly get her food?? does she have to go to a different, polly and doll approved, grocery store?? or must they simply starve??

ohhh OH THIS WOMAN IS CLAWING OUT HER EYES??? WHAT IS WITH THE EYES!?

EVERYONE IS CLAWING OUT THEIR EYES!!!! AUGH AUGH AUGH WHAT THE FUCK, POLLY?????

the butcher (dave) tries to call 911- somehow he is able to resist the call to scratch- but the fucking DOLL IS ON THE OTHER LINE???

girl. that doll needs to be thrown in the ocean NOW. you can’t be doing this to my boy dave.

NOOOO HE REALLY DOES STAB HIMSELF IN THE EYE 💔

bleurgh. bleeeugh. pour one out for dave.

and to think! i was just pondering saltwater taffy and the dynamics of coastal msr!!

ohhh, but this little town is so cute!!!! is scully on vacation???

OHHH SHE’S GETTING GAS FOR HER FANCY CAR IN A MAINE T SHIRT AND SUNGLASSES <3 ohhh…. ohhhhh… vacation scully… i am holding her so gently

(she must have been so excited to get that silly little souvenir shirt if she had it on before she even got there... and i love that for her)

who calls her at this hour? (as if we need to ask!)

“mulder, i thought we had an agreement. we were both going to take the weekend off” (he is fully in his office playing around with his chair) LMAOOOO

this man physically cannot relax. “right, right, right, i know. but i-i-i just received some information about-about a case” <- at least he seems self-conscious about the fact that he is breaking their agreement

AWW, SHE JUST WANTS TO CHILL

“you didn’t rent a convertible, did you?” “why?” “are you aware of the statistics of decapitation?” <- grown ass man playing on a chair when he says this, btw. please worry about yourself.

(it is so funny how badly he wanted to hear her voice but cannot bring himself to talk about normal human conversation topics, such as the vacation she is about to embark upon)

LMAO SHE INFORMS HIM THAT SHE IS HANGING UP LIKE HE IS A SMALL CHILD!!! AND HE SEEMS SURPRISED WHEN SHE DOES

aww, the poor man is just a loser!

(reading these notes back for editing purposes and i am STILL laughing. god, he's such a nerd.

he's thinking, "hey, i know we promised to not talk about work for 2 whole days, but i missed you. do you want to talk about work? please don't get decapitated, honey. oh man, she hung up on me :("

meanwhile, she's thinking "for the love of god. just let me have a nice vacation. yes, mulder, you want to solve a mystery, but i need a break. no, i won't get my head cut off. okay, i'm saying goodbye now. GOODBYE.")

she rolls off in her convertible. which is a mustang, btw. serve. and melissa and polly nearly run her over. she looks pissed at their erratic driving.

woah! she is at the store where the eyeball gouging just took place. she finds all of the grocery store customers with blood on their faces!!!! but luckily, most seem to have intact eyeballs.

NOOO, DAVE THE BUTCHER MIGHT BE DEAD and his eyeball is very much not intact

damn. so much for a chill vacation.

(author's note: it's so funny to me how scully was not going to let this stop her from chilling. she was going to get right back to the beach after watching a grocery store full of people claw at their own eyeballs. me, i would have been calling the whole trip off and heading home after seeing such a horrible sight. her need to relax after so many years of alien nonsense is unmatched. not even demon doll could come between this queen and her vacation)

cutscene to mulder in his office, where a distinct moaning noise is coming from his TV. oh god. and he’s sitting there with sunflower seeds. LMAO?? he’s just sitting and watching.... this. not even doing anything but snacking.

NOOOO SHE CALLS AND HEARS IT 💔 “what are you watching, mulder?” OH GOD WHAT IS HE GONNA SAY?

he claims to be watching “the deadliest swarms” <- utterly gagged at that man watching porn while just sitting in his office. stone-faced. and then lying about it. what does this say about his character?

BUT IT REALLY WAS DEADLIEST SWARMS LMAOOOO THE MAN AND WOMAN MOANING HAVE BEES IN THEIR FUCKING EYES I’M CRYINGGGGG

my asexual king. i should have never doubted you.

(author's note: still losing my mind at this as i edit, btw. i was fully convinced that mulder brought porn to his office to watch at work on the weekend, and i was thinking "well, it's not the STRANGEST thing he's done" but no. he's at work on the weekends to watch bugs sting people in the eyeballs. for research purposes. god. what a guy. i wish i could have a glimpse into if scully believed his statement or not. have they talked about this TV program before? is this what he does with his very limited time off?)

“it sounds to me like that’s witchcraft or maybe some sorcery that you’re looking for there”, he comments. “no, i don’t think it’s witchcraft, mulder, or sorcery” (said while the local policemen look on in shock at her saying those words) LMAOOO

“yeah, well, maybe you don’t know what you’re looking for”

“like evidence of conjury or the black arts, or shamanism, divination, wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice? charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones or hex signs, or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, santeria, vodoun, macumba, or any high or low magic?” <- LMAO she said i’ve been taking notes on your theories, boy

“scully?” “yes?” “marry me” “i was hoping for something a little more helpful” <- LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO GOD. the way her face doesn’t even change while his looks SO FUCKING SERIOUS. he's in awe of her. hold on. i had to rewatch that like three times. i'm absolutely HOWLING over here.

and to be fair, had she said that string of words to me on the phone as well, i would have reacted in the same way! i cannot fault him there.

while watching the footage of what went down at the grocery store, she notices that melissa is the only one who seems unaffected. the police seem to not believe that means anything until she politely points out that maybe they should talk to melissa about the whole situation, and then she tries to get tf out of there LMAOOO she is not going to let ANYTHING interrupt vacation time!!!!

“people here say she’s a witch” “well, that’s not the first time for that accusation in these parts” <- LMAO GET HIM AGAIN FOR ME

ohhhh, the cop says that melissa was “carrying on” with dave the butcher… who is now dead… well! that is deeply suspicious!!!

a policeman named buddy is trying to call melissa while polly and the doll listen to some old timey music. polly COMMANDS her to hang up. i fear the consequences for what will happen if melissa continues her chat.

nooooo :( buddy the cop tells melissa that dave is dead… but the doll is speaking now, because polly is being ignored!!! melissa says he can’t come here, but buddy insists on coming.

so, again, it seems melissa knows that the doll is committing the crimes….

scully arrives with the other cop, named jack, to melissa and polly's house. scully is in her killer outfit of: blazer, maine t shirt, and sunglasses. looking like a million bucks. she proceeds to do the cop's job better than he does when she notices the backdoor is wide open.

feels so strange to see scully in jeans. i make note of this special occasion

ohhh, she’s in the little girl’s room which could be sensitive for her... but she seems fine.

(author's note: i keep getting jarred by how much they are NOT acknowledging the whole emily plotline... here i was thinking that this child's room would bring scully to tears and she's just looking around, observing as always... the writers truly did not give a damn)

lore reveal: melissa’s husband died in a boating accident… or did he…?

allegedly, polly is autistic, and the daycare lady slapped her across the face after a tantrum!!! what!! you can’t do this!! scully seems shocked to hear of the slapping (but she keeps it very professional, as she always does) and then MORE shocked to hear that the daycare lady was knocked on the ground. by the little girl. but the cop said she never touched her.

yes, i am sure that the ghost doll can do impossible things, even attacking old ladies. the daycare lady got fired for the slapping (well, yes!) and the people call melissa a witch as a result (um... not her fault?)

(why are there so many people named melissa in this show? could we not get a little creative? did the writers only know of 3 or 4 names? crack open a yearbook or one of those baby names books that writers use, damn!)

omg, so the tea is that dave had a WIFE, but was still trying to get with melissa!!! but melissa did not want him like that. a queen who stays in her lane.

scully notices that the windows are all nailed shut. maybe melissa nailed the windows in because she was afraid of something getting out…? like an evil ghost doll?

buddy gives the girl polly some ice cream as he tries to question melissa in this restaurant. buddy offers to give melissa some money so she can get away. is this, like, a kindness thing? oh no, he’s in love with her, seems like. says he missed his first chance around. well. i guess we can never have a man doing the right thing out of sheer selflessness. this is TV, after all.

she says she has seen things… meanwhile polly is DEMANDING more cherries from the ice cream lady. (and polly has strange taste. i like those cherries too, but they're very strong; one or two will do the job)

melissa tells buddy that she saw dave dead before he died! and it wasn’t the first time!!! she saw her husband before he died, too! buddy seems to take this news better than expected.

ohhh, this lady at the ice cream counter says polly has to ask her mom for money to buy more cherries… i assume she does not have much longer to live

the doll opens its eyes IN THE RESTAURANT, and melissa says it’s time to go, knowing what is about to go down. buddy tries to give her a key to a place they used to go hunting, but NOOOOOO, the ice cream lady’s head is stuck in the ice cream machine!!!!!!!

melissa takes polly and the doll and they book it.

this is an injustice to food service professionals everywhere.

the other cop guy- the one named named jack- is visiting jane, the old lady from the very beginning of the episode who briefly made eye contact with polly. and scully is here too!!

okay, so jane immediately launches into saying that melissa is from a line of witches. cool, cool. this must be the lady who ran the daycare. scully looks amused as she slams the door in their faces and remarks on “new england hospitality” lmaooo

(she claims she's heard about it all her life, but never experienced it- is this her first journey to new england? like, recreationally, and not for work? omg! the cali girl is being exposed to the northeast! culture shock! she is learning the ways of mulder and his people!)

ah yes, we see as they leave that the sign on the door of jane’s house shows it’s the daycare. well, FORMER daycare.

scully wants to know if this lineage of witches thing is really all talk. and the policeman jack cannot figure out why he would want to bring melissa in. LMAO despite him being entirely incompetent at his job, scully does NOT WANT TO HELP I’M CRYING. she is PROTECTING HER PEACE!!!

melissa and polly pull up to the cabin buddy gave them the key to. ohhh, she doesn’t have any gear… and it’s winter up here. girl! how will they eat!!

polly wants her BED and her RECORDS, and the doll is AWAKE. so now melissa’s racing home after seeing a dead jane in her rear window!!!

back at her home, the records are going off… jane is here, for some reason, perhaps to investigate the loud noises despite there being no one home... and when she takes off the record off the player…. NOOOO, NOT HER STABBING HERSELF WITH THE BROKEN RECORD!!!!!!!!!!!!

scully is taking a nice bubble bath, trying to relax… with some classical music…. but the phone is ringing!!! she slams the door with her foot LMAO and awww she gets out and wraps her hair in a towel <3 i love relaxed scully <3

wait, hold on, what is this book next to the phone…? allow me to pause. “affirmation for women who do too much” by adrianna carrillo… now hold on, i need to look into this…

okay, so it doesn’t seem to be a real book, but instead a play on “meditations for women who do too much”, which has a very similar book cover and was published in the 90's. huh. the more you know! i wonder if copyright laws prevented the prop team from having the real thing.

we all know that she is, in fact, a woman who does too much. so i am glad she is affirming herself.

anyway, what was going on? yes, evil doll. there's a message on the phone. she does not play it. SHE DOES TOO MUCH ALREADY!!!!

AND the policeman jack is at her door!!! noooooo, she cannot get a break!!

they find jane dead with the record player…. they're investigating at the crime scene when the cop gets a call and says "it's for you"

LMAOOO, HOW DID MULDER FIND THE POLICEMAN’S NUMBER, I’M CRYING???

(AND he says he called the hotel!! how did he find the hotel room's number?? he is a sleuth)

“hey, morning, sunshine!” he says happily (loud thumping over the phone) BAHAHA WHAT IS GOING ONNN?

he was worried about her!!! LMAOOOOO HE SAYS THEY’RE DOING CONSTRUCTION RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW, BUT HE WAS REALLY JUST BOUNCING HIS BASKETBALL BAHAHAA

awwww, he really WAS worried... he gets separation anxiety. that damn ball of his gets good use when he is nervous!!

omg… we finally get a decent look at his wall art while he is standing there in his underwear…. it’s just houses. sort of abstract, colorful, houses. with heavy lines. hmm. i will make assumptions on his character based on this.

BAHAHA AND MULDER THINKS THERE’S A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR HER CASE oh my gosh he thinks it’s dancing sickness KING, SHE KNOWS WHAT THAT IS!!!

why is the only thing this man has in his fridge a bottle of orange juice? and it is presumably expired, because he makes an awful face when he takes a sip, and then we see that it says “oct 97” on the carton, which i take it is not. so is this set in 98? early 98? since we just passed chrismas?

god. how has he stayed alive this long? is there some sort of cafeteria at the FBI he sustains himself with?

LMAO HE SPITS THE JUICE BACK OUT AND SHE HANGS TF UP BAHAHAAA

she has had enough!! she called this guy jack and said maybe we need to keep our minds open to extreme possibilities (gasp!) LMAOOO “okay, but aren’t you on vacation?” <- SHE NEEDS A RAISE!! MAYBE IF YOU COULD DO YOUR JOB, JACK, SHE COULD TAKE A VACATION FOR REAL!!

now polly and the doll are back at home, and OH, the doll is breathing as the two sleep next to each other. this is not something that i care for. melissa is trying to do something to stop the doll's reign of terror, but it opens its eyes and catches her…. so she cries downstairs. NO! not a dead buddy vision!!!!

LMAOOO meanwhile scully is utterly gagged at the size of this lobster she’s splitting with jack: “that looks like something out of jules verne. we’re supposed to eat that?” <- SHE’S SUCH A NERD I’M CRYINGGGG

she really is experiencing new england culture shock and it is hilarious

she’s trying to learn about melissa’s husband’s death as jack manhandles this lobster. the boat he died on is out the window…

this damn doll keeps replaying the hokey pokey over and over again. count your days, demon!!!

ohhh, buddy is here at melissa's place to take her into the station!!! and he sees the doll open her doll eyes….

scully is trying to figure out wtf went down the night melissa’s husband died, as she now talks to this grizzled old sailor who was there with him on that fateful evening

“i told my story to the chief”, he says; “people’s story’s change”, she answers <- ohhhh yeah, she IS a noir detective, yes ma’am!

omg, melissa's husband/polly's dad found that freaky ass doll in the ocean!!! it was the night before polly's birthday, so he thought it was a gift from the sea!! and he heard the doll talking…. and then the old grizzled fisherman found melissa’s husband with the HOOK THROUGH HIS SKULL BLEUGGHHH?

(this episode was funny but the gore was SHEESH)

ohhh, and he put together that the doll was involved when he saw them in the store that morning

(her phone rings) “oh hey, i thought you weren’t answering your cell phone” he’s TWIRLING the literal phone line while he calls her i’m CRYING this man is down TERRIBLE

OHHH HE IS TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION WHEN SHE ASKS IF THERE ARE ANY REFERENCES IN OCCULT LITERATURE TO EVIL DOLLS LMAOOOO

he starts explaining and then she says that she “was just curious”, probably because his heart would be broken if he knew she found a haunted doll without him. turns out there is quite a history of them in new england!

“i would suggest that you check the back of the doll for a-a plastic ring with a string on it” (she rolls her eyes and hangs up)

LMAOOOOOO STOP my face hurts from smiling at this episode. why is he like that!

poor melissa is crying, making popcorn at the stove for the screaming polly, while BUDDY IS DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!!! NO MELISSA!!

she hammers the windows and doors shut even more…. but the doll cannot stand the pounding!!! and melissa sees herself dead in the window!!!! nooo!

scully and jack roll up just in time to either save the day or watch it get much, much worse.

omfg is melissa gonna set the whole house on fire?????? but she can’t get a match to light!!!! the doll keeps blowing it out!!!

from outside the house, scully sees buddy dead on the floor!!!! and the doll won’t let melissa grab a knife!!!! but the demon doll somehow opens up the locked cabinet and gets the hammer!!!!

scully is absolutely SLAMMING herself into that door to open it, but NOOOO the doll says “i don’t like you anymore” and makes melissa take the hammer and JAM IT IN HER OWN FACE?!?!?!?!?!?

scully and jack finally break in!! scully takes the doll away from polly despite her many refusals and PUTS IT IN THE MICROWAVE?? YAAAS THE DEMON CATCHES FIRE!!!!!!!!! scully is very dramatically watching that doll burn….

(this had me absolutely CRYING. she had no time for science that day. she was on vacation. if there is going to be an evil demon doll while she is off the clock, she is going to throw that mfer in the microwave and watch it go up in flames. extreme possibilities are allowed, but ONLY when it is not her duty to save the world.)

((also laughing that the doll was able to put out matches and throw knives and make people gouge out their eyes, but scully putting her in the microwave was so unpredictable this demon had zero defense against it. that, or her catholic powers simply neutralized the evil presence, rendering the doll immobile in her godly hands. i choose to imagine it is a combination of both))

while mulder is sharpening a ton of pencils and putting them in rows back in the office LMAOOOO

scully finally returns to the basement office! she tells mulder she wants to send his famous wall poster to "some guy named jack"!!! he seems unbothered by this, whereas i was shocked! and then she denies doing any work on the case while up there, saying she was just on vacation. ah, if only we could have seen her frolicking on the beach after those incidents.

what did mulder get up to while she was away? “oh god, i mean, it’s amazing what i can accomplish without incessant meddling or questioning into everything i do” (pencils begin to fall on him from the ceiling, as we pan up and see like, 40 pencils launched up there) LMAOOO

“there’s got to be an explanation” “some things are better left unexplained” fair enough

a cutscene back to maine... NOOOO, another fisherman hauls out the haunted doll while the hokey pokey ominously plays in the background 💔

i hope he promptly tossed her back into the watery grave. let her torment some fish instead.

so, final thoughts: scully putting the doll in the microwave… she really is THE final girl, huh?

this episode was soooo silly. i loved it. mulder had no brain cells. scully took a bath and made a friend who she wants to send a poster to. she is gagged by lobster. lmaoooooooo mulder missed her SO bad, he was trying to do science to impress her, bahaha. and she had her little maine shirt on!!! the role reversal of him being the science-centered one because he wants to talk to her that badly, and her being the one willing to deal with demons for a few days also killed me.

def going on the list of faves.

i think it is so funny that she was so focused on relaxing for once in her life that she truly did not give a single fuck if that doll was possessed or not. normally she would be scrambling for explanations, and today she simply did not have the time. she wanted to take a nice bubble bath, listen to orchestral music, read her little book, and if a demon was going to get in the way of that, then she would simply stop it and move along with her roadtrip. and i think that is beautiful.

and to answer my earlier question: YES, i still want a REAL joint msr vacation fic with REAL relaxation and REAL saltwater taffy and splashing and no murder dolls, but maybe like ONE ghost tour because new england is old and spooky, and then mulder can ask if they want to get married for real and they can go hiking or some other nerd activity and be happy forever and always <3 the end!

#big smile on my face after this one #i am also questioning how mulder made it this far in life #while i thought he was reduced a bit excessively to comic relief this is a very minor complaint in the grand scheme of things #trying to imagine telling grumpy “i work alone” mulder from the pilot that he would call his partner like 800 times on her vacation #and i think it was a nice mirroring of 3x12 how it was her turn to have a solo mission #i love a scully centered episode! i am not that hard to please in life!#cannot stop laughing at her announcing she is going to hang up like he is a small child lmaoooo #juni's x files liveblog #5x10 #the x files #txf

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byslerr · 11 months ago

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reasons why Will Graham cannot be my single father and i logically need both him and Hannibal Lecter:

Will would be a good father! He has the want and will for it, he has skills and knowledge about various topics ranging from fun to useful like; fishing, mechanical engineering and psychology. He would make a good attempt and probably be a fairly chill father to hang out and have a drink with.

what's the problem then? well, while he's capable of handling a lot he has a bad tendency to take on too much and straight up ignore his mental and physical health.

this is not a good look for my father figure. Will would overcompensate and feel guilty for his mental instability AKA for not always being an emotionally available parent. this would create a feedback loop of me feeling bad for being an inconvenience just by having problems to talk to him about.

6/10, we could survive well together.

but what if we wanted to thrive?

think. Will is capable, but needs someone to help him check with himself and respect his own boundaries, to replace his coffee with decaf without telling him, to help him carry the heavy load that is responsibilities and life and toxic at best friends (not you bev. love you bev<3).

in comes Hannibal Lecter. the emotionally stable parent to balance him out. a fellow autistic of a different flavor but with a common interest in psychology.

responsible, more than financially stable has great connections and no care for other people's opinions of him, sees the values of self care, has his own skills and knowledge to add to the table, will encourage me to kill my abusers but also teach me how to get away with it.

three potential cons:

1. might kill you if there's ever a risk of his relationship falling apart, this is simply smth you'll have to accept in exchange for a good quality of life.

2. i know he's known as a rlly good chef but his meals look like sensory hell sometimes and I'm not sure there's a polite way of conveying: "I'd rather die than touch this".

3. i have no fucking clue what is going on with his taste in interior design. what. why do you have samurai armor casually in your bedroom or hallway or smth. are you good man

9/10!

in conclusion: Will would do.his best, but to balance him out and have the ideal parental figures you(i) must have both.

i have to wake up in 5 hours so i will not be rereading this or putting effort into making this make sense. good night!

#hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #i don't want anyone to hear anything about daddy issues #can't have them without having a father #checkmate liberal #i speak

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luvingjeanie · 24 days ago

Note

Hi, my name is ria and I request for a match up.

pronouns: - she/her , straight , interested in men

fandom : Attack on titan or jujutsu kaisen (whichever character suits best)

appearance:- i am 5'3 , i have black wavy hair , big brown eyes and pretty eyebrows. I am neither chubby nor slender just the perfect weight for my height. my skin complexion is wheatish.

MBTI: infj

personality:- i am often viewed as mysterious and secretive individual and the 'hard-worker' of the group. Also i can be super funny, sarcastic and chill if i know the person and match their vibe. i work really hard to fulfill responsibilties. I do get depressed with life sometimes finding no meaning or purpose but try my best to move on. i also cannot make friends easily due to trust issues but really working on it.

likes:- i really like it when others are passionate about their dreams and work for it. i like long walks in garden with my loved ones with meaningful silence or meaningful late night conversations on any topic is my favourite thing. I just want them to treat me special sometimes.

dislikes:- gossips , drama , liars , hypocrites , bossy people . infidelity is deal breaker for me. i get super cold and won't address the problem anymore and break the relation right away.

hobbies: books , cooking ( i am reallyyy good at it ) , anime , music and occasionally i sing and most of them tell me i have good voice but i don't think so .

love language :- i am happy to give whatever kind of affection they crave for.

i like to receive words of affirmation and acts of service.

physical affection is totally ok in later stage of relation.

Thanks

oh girl i didn't even need to think about this one. also i am using a modern au! for this because it's much easier to incorporate your interests this way :)

your aot match is levi ackerman!!

house of cards by radiohead is now playing...

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

✮ similar to what i said in my gojo match up, levi works best with some similar to him, but for different reasons of course, and you're similar to levi in all the ways that matter to him

✮ levi isn't cold and unfeeling in the way a lot of people seem to think he is. he's absolutely a caring person, he just doesn't care for trivial or petty things, and isn't very overtly emotional. he does bottle things up, he picks himself back up and moves a long, but he isn't heartless.

✮ and you understand that. you understand that sometimes levi needing space doesn't mean that he's tired of you, that the fact it takes a while for him to even do so much as hold your hand doesn't mean he's having second thoughts. and he appreciates it greatly.

✮ levi's love is a soft, quiet devotion. committed and dedicated, but not overwhelming. all love and affection he dishes out is intentional and thought out, nothing is done by mistake or miscalculation. he shows you he loves you in the ways he knows you will understand, because the smallest gestures from levi should be savoured and cherished.

✮ your dislikes match up perfectly with levi. to put it simply, you both hate pettiness, drama that can easily be resolved through mature, adult conversation, which works amazingly because you know not to expect that behaviour from him and vice versa

✮ and infidelity? god, you two are cut from the same cloth. levi wouldn't be one to get revenge, or to scream and yell, he wouldn't even blink, he feels the betrayal silently, and it hurts, but what's the point? there's nothing he can do now, all he knows is that it's over. but of course, he won't have to worry about that with you.

✮ levi is a busy man, being a professor does that to a person, so dates to him are whatever time he can spend with you when he isn't planning lessons, writing out tests, preparing powerpoints, replying to emails, and grading papers.

✮ therefore, dates are often relaxing nights in your cosy, book filled apartment that one or two books off being a fully fledged library. cleaning the kitchen together with music softly humming from a record player that you insisted on as a self bought house warming gift for the two of you, or maybe a book date with a hearty, home cooked meal you made together.

✮ by far, however, levi's favourite 'dates' are those simple nights, with the two of your curled up under the same blanket, barely touching yet just about, sipping wine and just talking. that's all he needs, just your time and your voice, rambling about what you did that day, a mishap that happened at work, or the book he recommended that you finally got around to reading.

✮ although, this isn't to say that levi doesn't ever plan dates, because he does. in summer, or over any breaks, when he's off work and has less (or none at all) papers to grade, he plans outings with meticulous care.

✮ he researches quiet cocktail bars he knows you'll both like, or book cafes that seem like they actually serve a decent cup of tea, maybe even a proper get away to a historic, touristy city if you're up for it as well!

✮ without a doubt though, something grander and special is always done for your birthday and anniversary, it's out of the question. it's never extravagant in a way you would dislike, not public announcements or tacky gimmicks, but tasteful and expensive, something like a balcony dinner at restaurant that you would only go to for such an occasion.

✮ words aren't particularly levi's forte, however he is much kinder with you than others. praise, even a casual 'good job' comes much easier, compliments are meaningful, and he will tell you he loves you when it counts.

✮ acts of service is what levi is most comfortable with.

✮ in your home, chores are split in proportion to who is best at what, and who is at home more often, but if you'e had an especially difficult, soul-sucking, gruelling day, he silently does you chores for you and only acknowledges it when you ask him about it.

"laundry? you seemed tired, i thought it'd be best if i did it today."

"the dishes are already done, rest." *shoves a cup of tea into your hands*

✮ a cup of tea is ready for you in the morning, and the water has already been warmed up for your daily shower. on school breaks, when levi is off but you have work, expect a packed lunch too.

✮ physical touch isn't common, not until you two are a for sure thing, but even then, it's never too much. mostly, it's a protective hand on your back, guiding you in public, your a hand on your knee, stroking soft patterns on your skin, under the table at a dinner party. subtle and classy.

✮ at home though, it's much more comfortable. playing with your hair before bed, reading together on the sofa with a hand on your thigh, a kiss to your cheek after you hand him the utensil he asked for when cooking in the kitchen.

✮ with levi it's nothing but domestic bliss. the simple life.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

Mid-Terms. You remember them from your university days. The deadlines that seemed never ending, the I-want-to-pull-out-my-own-hair kind of stress, and the papers which had word counts it seemed almost impossible to reach.

Back in those days, you thought that feeling only impacted your students, but clearly you were wrong. Levi's figure hunched over his dark oak desk in your shared study was a testament to that. White knuckle grip on a red, nearly out of ink, pen, scrawling corrections on every free space of the nth student's paper that night, while your fiance grumbled incoherent curses.

"Why even do history if you can't remember a fucking date? It's basically all fucking dates..." He muttered, setting the pen down and leaning back in his worn, brown leather chair, squinting his eyes at the paper before running a hand down his face.

With a sympathetic frown, you shuffled into the room with socked feet, a steaming cup of darjeeling tea in a tea cup patterned with navy paisley and vines. You had picked up the tea from a local market to add to your shared collection, seeing as it was a tea both you and Levi had yet to try.

No words needed, you padded to his desk and set the tea down on the coaster he had there, always ready for a warm cup, and squeezed his shoulder.

"Just a pick me up, looked like you needed one." You murmured, smiling softly when he looked up to you. He smiled, just barely, but with Levi, that was equivalent to a full on grin, so you would take it.

He squeezed your hand back, soft, but full of grateful thanks and appreciation it could have killed you. Eyes steely and pupils fully dilated.

He needed to be left alone, just like his students, he too had deadlines, and with you in the room, he'd almost be tempted to abandon his work and curl up with you in bed, if he didn't have the will power and stubborn nature of a mule.

But as you left, you didn't miss that crinkle of his eyes and the breathless laughter that escaped his lips as he brought the cup up to his lips.

#kacey talks <3 #aot #aot x reader #attack on titan x raeder #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #matchup

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umbreonstuck · 1 year ago

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I've really gone a long time putting on this sick facade, pretending that this situation is no big deal. I've tried so hard to ignore everything horrible happening around me. I've kept the truth secret for fear that everything in my life that i love and care about will be ripped away. However, I think that after I've kept this secret for so long, I am obligated to tell you the truth. I do not, will not, and never have enjoyed to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas. Every time I was interrogated, questioned about the topic, I had no choice but to keep my lips sealed. I was justifiably horrified of the prejudice, hate, and borderline genocide I would be threatened with if anyone were to ever find out. I am 14 years old. I am still a child. I haven't experienced my entire life. In my now irrelevant opinion, It's not right for me to lose my life now over something so simple and childish. The concept sounds so silly, yet it serves as the pillars that support our society. Eat, eat, eat apples and bananas, or you're no longer considered a human. It's completely out of my control that I physically cannot bare to eat, eat, eat either of the sacred fruits that our society demands of us. I simply cannot stand the sour flavor and thick skin of apples, and a chill runs down my spine when I bite down on the soggy softness that we call bananas. And for that, I don't get to experience the sick game that you people and your leaders call a "life." And now, please, I beg of you, don't rat me out. I know it's hopeless, but I believe that somewhere in your heart, you can find the sympathy to protect my horrible secret. It's not safe here for me anymore, but I hope and pray that one day I can return and live in peace without being threatened by the prison that is this society.

hello?

who are you? what do you want with me?

#offtopic #mod.ara #anonymous

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tenebrius-excellium · 7 months ago

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This is an incredibly uncomfortable post (because I love Toothless and want to keep loving him), albeit on a topic that we might finally need to have a conversation about.

Toothless is very sure of himself because he is naturally powerful. He knows he's the special one. He knows he's the king of dragons even before the sequels or the show, and he enjoys that humans fear him. He doesn't really defend other dragons or people except for Hiccup and the ones Hiccup specifically asks, pleads or commands him to. He only kinda ever reacts to things when it's Hiccup's life on the line or when something is important to Hiccup. He assumes power in an almost lax way, but not even because he feels much responsible for his fellow dragon or anything... he only steps up to a larger dragon or political dilemma, if Hiccup gets hurt when he doesn't do it.

As a predator animal, Toothless, on his own, mostly chills. Because he can. Nothing attacks him. He doesn't know what it feels like to fear being hunted, because usually, he is the hunter. But that in turn means that Toothless doesn't have a whole lot of natural compassion. He cannot really be bothered by other people's or dragons' issues, because he is not directly being affected himself.

I believe Toothless never encountered the meaning of true kindness until Hiccup shot him down and he was suddenly at the mercy of someone truly good. I believe Hiccup's goodness humbled Toothless to a degree, causing him to become fascinated with it, because in Toothless' world, there exists only the law of the stronger dragon. And he is the strongest.

So to meet Hiccup must have opened up a whole new worldview to Toothless the Night Fury, the proud Unholy Offspring of Lightning And Death Itself. For the first time, he realizes: "Oh, physically weak creatures require kindness to get along., and that works better than intimidation." It was only sudden physical weakness that caused Toothless to become a limitedly social creature, aware of something like right and wrong. He was always the abstract other, a lone wolf, equipped with incredible strength that alienated him from his peers because he couldn't fathom needing grace or help.

But Toothless then proceeds to cling to Hiccup as if Hiccup is the only thing preventing him from forgetting kindness again. Stoick, Astrid, Hookfang and the Skrill would all have bitter feuds with Toothless until death if it wasn't for Hiccup standing between them.

The not-so-pretty truth here seems to be: Toothless is a bully without Hiccup, because he's never had to think beyond himself without Hiccup, even AFTER their friendship blossomed. Toothless keeps struggling with looking after others and with caring about someone other than himself. He is only capable of tolerating those that Hiccup instructs him to. That's mere basic consideration for others.

But one thing Toothless knows: He needs Hiccup to keep him in check like that. He wants Hiccup in his life more than he wants to be the most powerful creature, because Hiccup is GOOD. And so he asks Hiccup to ride him again WITH the prosthetic fin in Gotnf, lest his regained independence will make him unkind and asocial again.

The missing tailfin is, unfortunate as it seems to be, the only thing which keeps Toothless, who perceives himself to be the deserved lion among dragons, kind. And he knows it and has the sense to admit that he is actually in constant need of this reminder.

Because Hiccup is the only one who ever overpowered him in an even battle, fair and square, Hiccup is his conscience.

I like to think the rest of Berk, kinda continue to be wary of Toothless. They like him, they know he’s not going to hurt them. But they also know the only reason for that is Hiccup. These people have grown up not even knowing what a nightfury looks like. All they know is that you do not engage one, you don’t try to kill it, you hide and you pray. They know that when that scream is heard, something is getting destroyed, every time. Because it does not miss. They know the unholy offspring of lightning and death itself. And they know Toothless is capable of all of that. Toothless is that. So while they get used to the dragons being around, the nightfury is always going to be a little different. It always was.

But they’re all nice to Toothless. Because who could dislike him, and because he’s Hiccup’s dragon. And maybe a bit, because they really do not want to end up on the bad side of the nightfury. When he’s with Hiccup - which fortunately, he is most of the time - it’s alright. But no one want’s to be alone with the nightfury. He’s different then. He’s a bit colder. A bit more distant. They can tell they’re being tolerated. Even the rest of the riders, while Toothless does like them, have a healthy amount of…let’s just call it respect, for Toothless.

And Hiccup pretends he has no clue. If someone ever mentions how Toothless’ entire presence can change when Hiccup is gone, he’s just like ‘What? This little guy? Scary? Please.’ But he’s very much aware. He also knows that sometimes Toothless does it on purpose. And maybe, he doesn’t mind that. Maybe he kind of likes it. Maybe he likes for people to remember what kind of a being they’re dealing with and what he’s capable of.

#the implications for Httyd3 are astounding but too long to put in this post #httyd #httyd analysis #analysis #toothless #night fury #the unholy offspring of lightning and death itself #wherethekitethought

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lunarsilkscreen · 6 months ago

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The Under-consumption crisis

Dr. Mike and Marion Nestle inspired this post.

I'm not worried about their credentials because the overarching topic is incredibly important.

A Business main priority these days is [Profit].

What it should be is simply [Revenue]. You should be able to make back what you put into the business; and the extra should just be that; extra.

Our view of capitalism has been skewed with the "Promise of Infinite Money". The things our Banks have been woefully behind despite making "50% Profit margins" quite regularly.

Concerning.

What does this have to do with "Consumption".

And that question is answered by another question; "What happens to revenue when there's an economic downturn?"

People consume less.

And therein lies the issue; Why is it "Bad for Business" if your average Joe simply says "I'm going to save my money today."?

I'm going to avoid that 5$ coffee or energy drink; saving money.

Gonna avoid Movies and Music and Games; saving money.

Gonna avoid eating breakfast; saving money.

Why is [Obesity] and [Fad Diets] profitable..?

Why is it when we, collectively, as a Nation; decide to eat healthier and consume less junk; that there is an economic crisis?

You should monitor my Caloric intake instead of which Affordable Fast Restaurants I chose to dine ate. {Friggin Haters}

My average out of pocket cost per day, in food these days; is around $5-10. For the whole day. So just chill. Damn.

It's hard to say that the entire For Profit food industry isn't propped up by us eating in excess; and that they'd like to keep it that way.

We can give them the benefit of the doubt; maybe they're just so far behind the times?

But when it becomes a [Macro-Economic Indicator] of Recession... Shouldn't we at least address the problem?

These companies *do* know what they're doing even if their Corporate Officers are oblivious. And they're doing it from a "Self-preservation" perspective.

Obviously; downsizing costs people their Jobs; it's unfortunate that Fat People downsizing is the root cause to that... Isn't it?

I wonder if it's tied to increased demand of physical labor when we don't need it, and Extreme Work out trends to increase caloric intake of the average person.

I wonder; but the issue here is; you can't prove that it isn't. And that's worrying.

Whether consciously; or by some data-driven calculation; the output looks the same.

The lower to lower-middle class Americans, by all measures and metrics; Should be able to afford a Middle Class or upper-middle class lifestyle; and they cannot.

Yet the blame game starts; What did you waste your money on?

Lining *your* pockets dumbass.

The blame game starts from those same data-driven analyses, which are woefully wanting...

Less for more; More get less.

The only way out is through; and the way through is directly through corporate interests.

Of which; I'll ask one more time, because we don't want the "Scary Ultimatum" you'd force my hand into to protect yourselves.

What do we do about it?

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cleolinda · 2 years ago

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I have been trying to write (as promised) something about my idea of Liminal Christmas

I’m loopy on muscle relaxers for my back and it’s not working. The writing does not logic

Like there’s a draft but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So my ideas are:

-- You know what “the liminal” is, right? It’s not just the Backrooms and the “liminal internet aesthetic”?

-- It can refer to thresholds (Latin: līmen) of both time (the sun rising or setting; midnight on New Year’s Eve; birthdays, graduations, even death itself) and space (doorways, crossroads, intersections, international borders; the wardrobe to Narnia, the rabbit hole to Wonderland--you see a lot of these in fantasy media).

-- And not just specific threshold points but more general times (adolescence/coming of age; long journeys; periods of social instability) and spaces (hallways, lobbies, waiting rooms, airports, bus stations, parking lots, streets, abandoned buildings, ruins). Travel itself, a state of being between one place and another, is liminal. Anything temporary has a liminal quality. A parking lot is liminal in a way that a garage is not, you get me? The liminal is a place you're not staying permanently, and the time you're Not Staying in it.

-- The "internet aesthetic" version also highlights the emptiness of things that may or may not have already been liminal (office hallways, closed buildings, abandoned malls), where an additional aspect is the the explicit unease, the uncanny quality, that the emptiness creates. Emptiness is not requisite, however, and an airport is liminal whether it's full of people or not.

-- So we have both specific points of crossing and broader states of between-ness.

-- Christmas is extremely liminal

-- The winter solstice (generally December 21 or 22, Northern Hemisphere) is by definition liminal: it is the longest/darkest night of the year, the threshold between The Days Shorten and The Days Lengthen (Midsummer is the same, in reverse).

-- There is a lot of Germanic Yule/Wild Hunt and Roman Saturnalia in the liminality of Christmas Eve that I can't wade into right now

-- (I had a whole thing about Twelfth Night antics and the Lord of Misrule being liminal that I couldn't quite work into the flow of the post)

-- I cannot speak for other winter holidays, cultural celebrations, or hemispheres

-- In fact that’s where my post draft breaks down because I have a tendency to bite off more topic than I can chew, this is all So Much and I am So Flexeril’d

-- But basically I realized last year that I really don’t like Christmas Day much as an adult. Santa does not visit me anymore; I am a Santa. I value Christmas Day as a family holiday, but I don’t look forward to it the way I did as a kid. There is nothing I am waiting on, there is no lying awake in giddy hope all night while listening to Christmas music on the radio.

-- (That particular Christmas, I think I woke up to a My Little Pony Paradise Estate circa 1986)

-- It’s Christmas Eve that I love

-- It’s the liminal, i.e., the spooky part

-- The part where everything stands still, anything is possible, the night that expands in every dark direction beyond the actual time it occupies. Any miracle, any terror, chill and sparkling between-ness.

-- Santa himself: extremely liminal. We watch NORAD track the sleigh around the world. The night is as long as it needs to be, the gift sack is as big as billions of presents require. Santa arrives through the impossible between-ness of the chimney. And he can be at a thousand malls simultaneously and, so we're told as kids, bring anything you wish for (if you're on the Nice List), whether you ask for it aloud or not. HE KNOWS

-- Is this concept honestly kind of creepy? YES

-- And you see the limitless spooky magic of Christmas Eve over and over in media (anything where Santa renders some miracle gift on a night without the limits of time or physical distance; the Grinch becoming the Antisanta; Clara’s nutcracker coming to life at midnight; George Bailey being shown [by an angel who will cross the threshold of earning his wings] across time what could have been so he will understand his Wonderful Life)

-- (SCROOGE)

-- A Christmas Carol is like THE most liminal Christmas work; it involves three ghosts (beings between life and death) taking a man through various stages of his life in the space of one expansive night, ultimately to a threshold of total personality change (or else).

-- You will probably have a ton more examples; I'll let someone else take on The Nightmare Before Christmas and, uh, all other cultural winter traditions.

-- Like I said, my drafting broke down around the time that I realized that the proper cultural scope of this post was more suited to a graduate thesis.

-- (I am really very secular about Christmas, but it would be remiss not to point out that the story of the Nativity for which “Christmas” is named is also extremely liminal, with the traveling and the looking for a place to stay and settling on one that isn’t actually meant for humans, only a temporary shelter, and the night and the Three Magi journeying towards a star.)

-- As a kid, though, I was most struck by The Nutcracker and the story of the Christmas spider.

-- In the storybook I had, the spider wasn’t trying to whip up some precious metals for a family in poverty. It just really wanted to help decorate a Christmas tree, and all it had to offer were its webs, but the Christmas Eve Miracle was that they turned to silver tinsel.

-- Man, tinsel is so bad for pets and almost as persistent as glitter, but I sure do love some tinsel.

-- Decorating the tree IS Christmas to me, and we used to use both tinsel and real candy canes, which we don't anymore. In fact, this year, I wasn't able to help with the tree at all because of my back injury, which is how you know I was bad off. It was the source of all magic to me. I used to peer into our Christmas tree in the dark living room, looking deep between the colored lights and fresh pine, and imagine being a tiny elf jumping from branch to branch, talking to the various ornaments, wooden animals and hanging dolls and Wish Bear and Mountain Climbing Santa.

-- (One time when I was seven, the tree fell over on me [I DIDN’T TOUCH IT!!] but I lived)

-- My point is: that pleasantly spooky sense that anything could happen, any magic could be wrought, anything I hoped for might be under the tree on Christmas morning. But also, kind of scary and full of spiders. That feeling was what hooked me.

-- One year I was lying awake (in the dark, through hours that felt like years to a five-year-old) and I swore I could hear hooves on the roof.

-- Anything can happen on Christmas Eve

When I was a kid, I used to love to stare deep into the Christmas tree. I imagined an elf or maybe a very small me, idk, living in the branches, climbing up through them as if it were not a treehouse, but a house made of tree.

I have always preferred a “spooky” Christmas vibe: the dark and quiet liminal hours of Christmas Eve, or maybe just after you were supposed to be in bed in the nights leading up into. (I was really into The Nutcracker, which might explain some of this.) Just the dark and the Christmas lights and the decorated tree, and all the things that might come into being in that shadowy window of possibility.

Anyway, this is an ominous Wish Bear.

#christmas on tumblr #holidays #christmas #christmas tree #long post #long post is long

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