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caligvlasaqvarivm · 6 months ago

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Hey I know this isn't on-topic for an Eridan blog but you're the best HS theorist I know <3 so do you happen to have any theories about WHY Gamzee faked god tier? I always see theories about how he could be a real god tier too, or about how he manages to be immortal even though he's not god tier, but I cannot find any discussion of WHY he bothered with that ruse in the first place!!! He didn't even fool anyone, unless we count Caliborn for like 2 secs before Hussie told him the truth, and all he got for his trouble was shot!

I think it's mostly a gag, but this is the Analyzing Homestuck blog, so: I think it's because Gamzee wants to look like an adult to impress Caliborn.

Gamzee's lusus is physically neglectful.

But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.

And several things stem from that neglect - the first, his indoctrination into the Clown Cult, the second, his extensive and all-encompassing drug usage, and the third, his poor social skills, which leave him ostracized by his teammates.

Let's first take a look at what, exactly, that religion entails:

You belong to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT, which foretells of a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS which will rise one day on a MYTHICAL PARADISE PLANET that does not exist yet. The beliefs of this cult are SOMEWHAT FROWNED UPON by those dwelling in more common lawnrings.

TC: I PeEpEd oN A PlAcE Of 6 tRiLlIoN HeMoS TC: AlL Up aT OnE RoCk, BlEeDiNg aS EqUaLs TC: It's eAsY To sEe iF YoU SeArCh aLl yOuR FeElInS TC: ThAt pEaCe hApPeNs fIrSt, AnD MuRdEr's tHe sEqUeL TC: It's tHe bEaUtY Of tHe cArNiVaL, tHe mAgIc's iN TeNtS

TC: all my life i believed at a fuckin paradise to come what held the most baller, darkest of carnivals to join. TC: AND A PROPHECY TC: to tell all about a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels steeped in the good harshwhimsy. TC: THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WERE FORETOLD TO BE CRASHING THAT FUCKING PIE STAND AND BRING THE HOLY RUCKUS. TC: like a giddy fuckin ninja one wheeling head long at the hugest fuckin horn heap shangri la's got to see. TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VAST HONK, YOU BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER. TC: what i believed in it to be was so beautiful, us and them all mellowing in tents, bumpin sounds, tossing back the faygo and soaking the miracles up our faith sponges, while the special stardust rained down at our elixir sticky faces, like a bunch a fuckin fairy powder from religion space. TC: IT WAS GOING TO BE US AND MOTHER FUCKING THEM. TC: them and mother fuckin us. :o(

In essence: Gamzee's cult believes that there will be a Vast Honk, which will kill all trolls; however, "a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels" will usher in/create a new paradaisical planet of nothing but good vibes and chill times, where the "mirthful messiahs" will get to enjoy eternity.

There's pretty clear parallels here to the Christian concept of the Rapture, which fits in with the Garden of Eden/Original Sin themes of the Dancestors and the Second Coming thing Karkat's got going on. But, more importantly, it's also pretty directly just... what SGRUB/SBURB are all about. Their original population all dies, but a bunch of kids band together to create a new universe, with new planets, where theoretically live out the rest of their godhood in peace and happiness.

Were it not for the casteist influences as a result of being a cult largely followed by highbloods, there'd pretty much be nothing inherently objectionable about Gamzee's belief system - it's fundamentally hopeful, and, in fact, when he raps about it to Tavros, part of it is outright about "equalizing" the hemocaste (they all bleed as equals, see). Tavros agrees:

AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

Next, we'll look at the sopor usage and ostracization together, because I think they're interlinked. People on Gamzee's team are friggin' mean to him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU?? GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU

CT: D --> What you do appear to know is e%actly how to ma%imize my livid contempt for you CT: D --> With your revolting language and your sense of decorum CT: D --> At such breathtaking odds with the richness and perfe%ion of your b100d CT: D --> I just hate you so much

CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT

On the whole, the team treats him as the party joke, if not outright worthy of derision. The one person on his team who IS nice to him, Tavros, ghosts him after Gamzee is too forward and asks to make out with him. He's deeply lonely, and what's more, his introductory narration is littered with pessimism.

You'll be doing one thing then something else hits you just like that and you roll with it. That's what you do when life hands you lemons. You sure as fuck don't make lemonade because who the fuck knows where that fuckin' shit comes from?

Someone is bugging you. This is exciting. You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you.

That last one makes it clear that Gamzee is also aware of how much people on the team don't like him.

I'm also of the opinion that "Soft Gamzee" was always fake and never existed, which is outright stated by Hussie from the book:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-put lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

But there's evidence for this - Gamzee has actually always been kind of casteist:

AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR, TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA,

He's trying to be affectionately so here, but given Tavros's "whoa, haha," reaction, it seems like it's still a pretty out-of-pocket thing to say. Especially in light of GamRezi, it's pretty easy to read him as making passive-aggressive digs to Terezi here:

TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT. TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh...

TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

His reaction to Eridan is also "indulge emotional theatrics," but depending on whether you believe Eridan killed his lusus, it's debatably justified. I'm just going to mention that that's also there.

His constant assertion that Karkat is his best friend, which isn't reciprocated until after murderstuck, also kind of reads as a palecrush to me. This is supported by the fact that Nepeta has always had pale GamKat on her shipping wall - which I believe is more representative of how people feel and what they want than whether a romantic pairing is viable, as part of her Heart (and NOT Blood) powers.

He won't stop referring to Karkat as his best friend, really awkwardly changes the topic when the conversation has led to him having to acknowledge that Karkat is closer to Sollux (whom Karkat calls his best friend):

TC: yEaH mAyBe BuT hE's YoUr BeSt FrIeNd ThOuGh So It'S aLl CoOl. TC: AnYwAy I tHoUgHt ThIs SoUnDeD lIkE a PrEtTy BiG mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaL mY mAn. TC: aAaUuUhHh... CG: WHAT. TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE. TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.

(Sidebar about the usage of "best friend," Karkat pretty much outright says he's unreliable when it comes to who his best friend is at any given moment LOL - he spends pre-murderstuck insisting Sollux is HIS best friend. King of mixed signals.)

EB: who is gamzee? CG: HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. EB: really? i thought terezi was your best friend. ... CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

If we take Hussie's statement that Gamzee lied when he chased Vriska (whom he doesn't like) away from his horn pile -

GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH… VRISKA: What? GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT… GAMZEE: I DoN'T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i'm pReTtY MuCh sCaReD Of yOu, SoyEaH. VRISKA: Aww. ::::)

Then it stands to reason he's also lying about being scared of Jack so he can prevent Eridan from providing Karkat with emotional support:

CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

So, personally, signs point to Gamzee always having been a lot shiftier and meaner than he let on.

Naturally, that begs the question of why he's pretending to be nicer and higher than he actually is (not that he isn't high, but he's definitely more cognizant of what's going on than people both in- and out-of-universe give him credit for). Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: it's because he loves his friends and wants to get along with them.

You like to chat a lot with your pal Karkat, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot.

Gamzee's story pre-murderstuck is a pretty tragic one about a kid who never got to learn proper socialization and has whacked-out religious beliefs, whose neglect from his lusus has left him with deep loneliness, who desperately wants to fit in with his friends, especially the lowbloods, and therefore feels the need to hide how pessimistic and angry he actually is under the guise of drug usage and not retaliating against the constant digs they make at him.

I also feel like I have to specify that Gamzee was already a pretty angry, mean, troubled kid prior to Murderstuck, because it helps to clarify his actions after being influenced by Lil' Cal. The nonlinear nature of the story kind of confuses the sequence of events, but it seems to be as follows:

Dave blasphemes against Gamzee's religion so hard that Gamzee has a total crisis of faith.

Gamzee has a breakdown and gets so pissed off that he oopsie-daisy'd a jester puppet into John's room on Prospit.

Gamzee, with his faith lost ("and now i don't know what to think about the spiritual fantasies i had"), Tavros dead, and thus in a very emotionally fragile state, is contacted by Doc Scratch and given instructions (likely to kill his friends and paint his wicked pictures in their blood). At some point during this, he falls under Lil' Cal's influence, too. As every person we've seen under LE's sway has very compelling, natural reasons for acting the way they do, I think it's better to see Lil' Cal's influence as influence and not mind control. It brings out the worst in its victims, but only what was already there.

This seems to give Gamzee a new belief system to replace/supplement the old.

TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit. TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO. TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling. TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS. TC: we are higher than you, brother. TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY. TC: honk. CG: GAMZEE CG: PLEASE NO TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand. TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE. TC: they were always both me. :o) TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:

Remember, his original belief system actually emphasized equalizing the castes - in death, anyway. It also never specified that the Mirthful Messiahs would be specifically highbloods. The hint that Gamzee had internalized casteism was always there, but now that his belief system has been supplanted by this new one, delivered by Doc Scratch (the story's Devil figure), his casteism becomes full-blown:

GAMZEE: heheh. GAMZEE: CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT. GAMZEE: it's the peasantblood. GAMZEE: HEH HEH. GAMZEE: fuckin heh. EQUIUS: D --> Peasantb100d EQUIUS: D --> Is that a joke GAMZEE: if your blood. GAMZEE: IS A RUNNING MOTHERFUCKING GAG. GAMZEE: then soon. GAMZEE: IT WILL BE RUNNING. GAMZEE: through my motherfucking fingers.

TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know? CG: UH... CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.

Basically, the religious boy had a crisis of faith and was tempted by the Devil into becoming his servant - into desiring utter oblivion for everyone except his own continued existence within the one doing the destroying, rather than a paradise of love, friendship, and hope. And this new faith is what carries Gamzee through to the end of the comic:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE. KARKAT: WHATEVER. AT LEAST HE STOPPED KILLING PEOPLE.

So where does that bring us WRT the fake god-tier ensemble? Well, god-tiering in general is kind of a metaphor for becoming an adult - SGRUB/SBURB sets out for its player a quest directly tied into their maturation into adults, and god-tiering is (normally) supposed to sit right at the end of that questline, a semi-permanent state achieved at the end of adolescence. Characters who DO manage to god-tier without having naturally reached that point in their questline, especially Vriska, Dave, and Rose, have struggles that deal directly with "growing up too fast" - Vriska with the expectation that she be a vicious murderer, Dave with having never addressed his trauma and abuse, and Rose with having missed out on a loving relationship with her mother because she insisted on being more mature than her.

Gamzee's relationship to Caliborn is that of a parent:

ARANEA: It is just as well that cheru8 parents a8andon their offspring. Raising such a child 8y the familial standards of any race would 8e a monumental challenge. ARANEA: Nevertheless, it would seem there were those who tried. ARANEA: Details in my research suggest our villain had a num8er of acolytes oper8ting in the shadows, preparing for his arrival.

Kurloz also directly states that Gamzee's role in their religion is to serve and mentor their young lord:

KURLOZ: I COME BEARING THEE FINAL JOLLY ACCOUTREMENT MY FAITHFUL INVERTEBROTHER KURLOZ: THY BARDLY REGALIA IS DONE AND FUCKING DUSTED BY THE SPECIAL STARS THEMSELVES KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA KURLOZ: OUR LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE

And even beyond the religion aspect, Gamzee would take this job mother fucking seriously...

... Because his own parent failed him. See, we tie it all back to the beginning! Gamzee putting together a shitty fake god tier outfit is because he wants to be a good parent to Caliborn, an adult figure he never had in his own life, and god tiering is symbolic of that. And I think the saddest part is, he still didn't really manage to do that... because, perpetuating the neglect he faced from his own lusus, he wound up locking the two in a room and leaving them alone - possibly out of exasperation.

ARANEA: We will pro8a8ly never know who these scurrilous conspir8tors were. 8ut it is evident that at some point the cheru8 was locked in a room, either out of exasper8tion, or for its own good, until it was old enough to enter the session.

Like, I feel kind of bad for Gamzee, y'know? Especially since, alongside Eridan, he's one of the trolls the fandom seems to understand the least, and his story is also one of being failed by his family, society, and friends. This winds up turning him towards the worst parts of himself - the religious fundamentalism, the casteism, the emotional isolation - and away from the good - the fact that he loved his mother fucking friends, enough to wish upon them eternal paradise.

#homestuck #gamzee makara #homestuck analysis #homestuck lore #idk what to tag this #also i give up on fixing the colors. sorry

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roosterr · 1 year ago

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Do you have any specific headcanons for Nik?❤️

i'm so glad you asked anon, of COURSE I DO!!! >:) here is a random collection of headcanons for our beloved pilot, i hope you enjoy <3

let's start with the obvious; this man is a humongous flirt, and he is BOLD, if he likes you, you will know about it. he wants to see you a flustered mess because of him, he will take literally ANY opportunity to call you beautiful/handsome etc. just to revel in the way it effects you. and if you flirt right back? perfect, the two of you could go back and forth for HOURS (if yk what i mean ;))

leading on from this, i think he's a very open person, he will say what he's thinking and feeling with no reservations. he doesn't embarrass easily, so some of the things he'll say to you may have others groaning and telling the two of you to get a room, but he'll just wrap an arm around you and grin, "no complaints from you though, right милая?"

when the two of you are alone, he's the softest man on planet earth. i hope you like cuddling, because he LOVES it, when you're relaxing he'll rest your head on his shoulder or his chest, his arm securely around your shoulders. you cannot escape once he has you in his grasp.

on the topic of love languages, i picture him being an acts of service and physical touch kind of guy. he loves doing things for you, from getting you a glass of water when you ask to carrying around extra ammo for you, he will do it all. and as previously mentioned, he adores having any kind of physical contact with you, even if it's something as small as hooking your pinkies together. truly the perfect man.

he's very protective of the people he loves, the same way he loves his country and would do anything to protect it. he will put himself between you and any danger, make you walk on the inside of the sidewalk, walk you home or to your car when it gets dark out, the whole nine yards

this man can and will throw hands for you. look, it's no secret that his moral code is less than pristine, he kidnapped a mans wife and son for gods sake, he's more than willing to fight for you.

he's a captain - it's technically a hc since his wiki doesn't say his rank anywhere, but since he's around the same age as price (technically another hc), and he's the leader of chimera, i'm taking the liberty of assuming.

ass man. no i will not elaborate.

i know in my heart that this man does NOT take good care of his hair. he uses 73 in 1 shampoo and somehow still has the most luscious hair of all time. it doesn't make any sense and i am mad about it.

he has an absurdly good memory. you mentioned a food you really like once in an offhand comment 7 months ago? he buys it for you every time he passes a place that sells it. you mention a family birthday party you recently attended, he looks you in the eyes and goes "your mothers cousins sons kid? how old are they now, 9?"

in the same vein, literally human gps, like this mans has never and will never be lost in his entire life. you could drop him in the middle of the wilderness and he'd find his way back in time for dinner

at the risk of being slightly contradictory, i think that when he's off duty or on leave just living life as a civilian, he's actually a pretty introverted guy. something about being in his element, doing what he knows best in the heat of battle just brings out a different side of him; and of course he's a captain, so when he's at work he gives people orders and becomes the perfect leader. but when he's at home he's quieter and keeps more to himself - no matter where you are though, in the middle of an active warzone or just chilling in your home, he always showers you with as much love as he can.

#nikolai x reader #nikolai cod x reader #nikolai call of duty #nikolai cod #call of duty #cod mw19 #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #141 x reader #cod nikolai #nikolai mw19 #nikolai my beloved #roosterr writes

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byslerr · 4 months ago

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reasons why Will Graham cannot be my single father and i logically need both him and Hannibal Lecter:

Will would be a good father! He has the want and will for it, he has skills and knowledge about various topics ranging from fun to useful like; fishing, mechanical engineering and psychology. He would make a good attempt and probably be a fairly chill father to hang out and have a drink with.

what's the problem then? well, while he's capable of handling a lot he has a bad tendency to take on too much and straight up ignore his mental and physical health.

this is not a good look for my father figure. Will would overcompensate and feel guilty for his mental instability AKA for not always being an emotionally available parent. this would create a feedback loop of me feeling bad for being an inconvenience just by having problems to talk to him about.

6/10, we could survive well together.

but what if we wanted to thrive?

think. Will is capable, but needs someone to help him check with himself and respect his own boundaries, to replace his coffee with decaf without telling him, to help him carry the heavy load that is responsibilities and life and toxic at best friends (not you bev. love you bev<3).

in comes Hannibal Lecter. the emotionally stable parent to balance him out. a fellow autistic of a different flavor but with a common interest in psychology.

responsible, more than financially stable has great connections and no care for other people's opinions of him, sees the values of self care, has his own skills and knowledge to add to the table, will encourage me to kill my abusers but also teach me how to get away with it.

three potential cons:

1. might kill you if there's ever a risk of his relationship falling apart, this is simply smth you'll have to accept in exchange for a good quality of life.

2. i know he's known as a rlly good chef but his meals look like sensory hell sometimes and I'm not sure there's a polite way of conveying: "I'd rather die than touch this".

3. i have no fucking clue what is going on with his taste in interior design. what. why do you have samurai armor casually in your bedroom or hallway or smth. are you good man

9/10!

in conclusion: Will would do.his best, but to balance him out and have the ideal parental figures you(i) must have both.

i have to wake up in 5 hours so i will not be rereading this or putting effort into making this make sense. good night!

#hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #i don't want anyone to hear anything about daddy issues #can't have them without having a father #checkmate liberal #i speak

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umbreonstuck · 11 months ago

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I've really gone a long time putting on this sick facade, pretending that this situation is no big deal. I've tried so hard to ignore everything horrible happening around me. I've kept the truth secret for fear that everything in my life that i love and care about will be ripped away. However, I think that after I've kept this secret for so long, I am obligated to tell you the truth. I do not, will not, and never have enjoyed to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas. Every time I was interrogated, questioned about the topic, I had no choice but to keep my lips sealed. I was justifiably horrified of the prejudice, hate, and borderline genocide I would be threatened with if anyone were to ever find out. I am 14 years old. I am still a child. I haven't experienced my entire life. In my now irrelevant opinion, It's not right for me to lose my life now over something so simple and childish. The concept sounds so silly, yet it serves as the pillars that support our society. Eat, eat, eat apples and bananas, or you're no longer considered a human. It's completely out of my control that I physically cannot bare to eat, eat, eat either of the sacred fruits that our society demands of us. I simply cannot stand the sour flavor and thick skin of apples, and a chill runs down my spine when I bite down on the soggy softness that we call bananas. And for that, I don't get to experience the sick game that you people and your leaders call a "life." And now, please, I beg of you, don't rat me out. I know it's hopeless, but I believe that somewhere in your heart, you can find the sympathy to protect my horrible secret. It's not safe here for me anymore, but I hope and pray that one day I can return and live in peace without being threatened by the prison that is this society.

hello?

who are you? what do you want with me?

#offtopic #mod.ara #anonymous

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ediqn · 2 years ago

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hcs for dating justin jefferson ✰ ✰

not my gif !

a/n: this is my first post/headcanon ever !! im in desperate need of tips/help, so if u have experience with writing or have advice just lmk !

warnings: none !

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

justin loves you with every bone in his body istg

like he never gets tired of thinking abt u, talking abt u, etc.

whenever he’s with friends or teammates and ur not around he talks abt u the whole time

“oh yea, me and y/n did that yesterday”

“me and y/n wanna go there, what y’all think abt that place?”

i also think justin is a very private person so he wouldn’t talk about u in interviews much or post u that much either

but i promise when u guys are together he loves on u so much

on the topic of that i could see justin being clingy at times

and not like all the time its more like 60/40 bc hes obviously a busy person

justin has definitely asked u to 1v1 him or have catching competitions with

and with justin being competitive (i assume) hes so determined to win even tho both of u know hes gonna win anyway

but if he ever does lose he doesnt even get mad

“i play in the nfl, this loss aint nothing to me!”

when yall go on dates most of them are pretty fun like a fair or an arcade

but once in a while yall do go on dates to like nice restaurants and stuff like that

when yall have been home all day yall definitely do wind down nights

and do night/morning routines together every night/morning

y’all take baths, do face masks, play games, etc.

and u definitely put him on with a good skincare routine.

“what you got on my face right now?”

“why is it tingly? am i allergic?”

“justin chill out, its supposed to do that.”

on the topic of night and morning i think justin is a night person

he just likes the thoughts of late night talks with you or late night drives

and when yall eventually do go to bed hes always cold

at one point he wanted to sleep with separate blankets bc he likes to wrap himself up in a blanket and pile more on top

but hes adjusted to sharing one blanket but u still both use separate ones as well

and this also makes me think he a blanket higher

and for some odd reason i think he sleeps with no pillows

like its his head on just the mattress

and for these reasons he physically cannot be a cuddler at night

but u and justin love each other so much and will definitely be together for a longgggg time

#justin jefferson #jjettas #nfl players #pls help lmk what i did wrong #i love him #send requests #justin jefferson x reader

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snow-and-slatestone · 3 months ago

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Questions for Cozy: Appearance 4, Object 10, Food 4, Weather 9, Community 18, Mind 26, Hobbies 9

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear? it doesn't usually wear clothes, but if it had to cozy would usually reach for something breathable! Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like? cozy straight up cannot stand anything made out of wood. the texture just gives it the chills! Cozy also just has kind of a general vendetta against most furnature in the capitol for. obvious reasons How big is your character's appetite? Nobody has ever seen cozy eat so i wouldn't be able to tell ya Is your character good with animals? Not at all! animals usually either try to eat cozy or just generally bully it in some way. Poor thing hasn't always disliked animals but you can only be tossed around like a yarn ball so many times.

What is your character's favorite form of affection? Cozy isn't overall super into physical contact, but it appreciates good banter! When it comes to friends they enjoy being carried around like a stuffed toy

Would your character feel confident in a fight? :)

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about?GOSSIP. Cozy is like. the gossip central of the cast. if someone heard something about someone it was from cozy. running a bathhouse has its advantages I suppose...

#ask for the menu

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remedyxtragedy · 6 months ago

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Biromantic and Asexual girl Story time~

Not that long ago I came out to my friends as asexual, which was met with mixed reactions. You see, I always had a feeling I was asexual or apothisexual more specifically, but back then I had no clue that there was an actual, like, term to my sentiments towards sex so I just subsided what I felt as just not maturing at the pace my peers were--that's what everyone always made it seem like anyways. There were so many times when I tried opening up to my friends about my deep disinterest in sex, given how sex was often the topic of discussion which in retrospect isn't unusual for kids this age but it still made me very uncomfortable, and despite my efforts to open up candidly about why I felt this way, my feelings were promptly invalidated and shrugged off as just not finding the right person yet. It was always treated as something that was wrong or misunderstood on my part, and ultimately I embraced that, albeit begrugingly. A certain friend, using 'friend' very loosely, would even go out of her way to invite me into her more heavily sexual conversations knowing damn well that the subject makes me physically queasy, almost as if she was trying to get a reaction out of me.

Exactly, why do I think that? Well, there was this one time during gym class when me, the girl, and another friend of ours were just chilling and talking, and eventually sex became the pivot of our conversation--this was a very long time ago so I cannot remember exactly how, but we were teenagers so it probably just occurred naturally. More importantly, as they went on I was off to the side growing increasingly uncomfortable with the topics we were leering into and as always, I did my best to voice that, but one thing led to enough and ultimately I just decided to separate myself from the conversation altogether. Now, If there's one thing I learned from being the quote on quote 'quiet kid' it's that quietness is far too often mistaken for ignorance, and given that my friend in the past has demonstrated a habit of underestimating my intelligence, to an insulting degree, in that moment she certainly must've thought I was so exceedingly ignorant that I couldn't hear her turn to our other friend and flat out tell her that she's pretty sure Im asexual, in such a manner that would make you think being asexual was a crime. The other girl thankfully pretty much told her to shut the fuck up and not speculate on people's sexualities, but that situation really stuck with me. It made me feel bad. To give you the full picture of what this friend was like in regards to my asexuality, on another occasion she straight up said with laughable confidence that there is no such thing as a healthy relationship without sex. Needless to say, I've long since cut ties with her.

At the beginning of this year I actually transferred schools in search of more art/theatre related opportunities and diversity in the school environment as a whole, but for both my freshman and sophomore years I was in a completely different school, and the singular thing the students in that trash heap had in common was that we were all religious. Whether you were Catholic, Christian, or Muslim--pretty much everyone there was in some way, shape, or form a believer. But as problematic as the school itself was for a multitude of reasons I'm not gonna get into, the community we built, generally speaking, was actually very accepting and friendly--pretty much no one was excluded and as long as you were a more or less good person to be around, you were treated as an equal.

To this day I'm friends with people who are openly gay, bisexual, and pansexual and this dynamic is prevalent within many friendships and circles in that school, but of course to a certain degree. I got partial of the experience where although my other friends claimed that they were perfectly supportive of me and how I identified, there were moments here and there that sadly showed me otherwise. It's not like they were completely feigning their acceptance, thankfully, it was more so that they just didn't understand and weren't willing to understand certain things. I have no idea what it was about me in particular, why people treated the notion of me being biromantic like it was some bewildering paradox that may threaten the balance of the universe itself, but when I also explained that I wasn't really certain about my romantic attraction jaws practically dropped to the floor in disbelief, and I genuinely just don't know why. I suppose it's because I've never mentioned anything about liking girls in that wayn before, so everyone just assumed that I only liked guys, but whatever the reason--people were bewildered.

The big thing I wanna talk about is something that happened last year when me and a bunch of other of my friends were just casually yapping about whatever random crap teenagers like to yap about when oughta nowhere we start talking about crushes and this girl, who's always been openly bisexual, starts talking about which people in our grade she finds attractive and the last thing I was expecting was for her to mention my name. I gotta say, I was really flattered. She didn't say anything crazy, just something along the lines of thinking I'm hot and how she'd date in an instant if she had the chance and not thinking much of it, I decided to playfully flirt back. And just like that in an instant, all eyes were on me--and I kid you not, I felt like I was being interrogated while having a light aggressively shined into my eyes. Everybody else in the group immediately started questioning me, which of course in itself wasn't bad at all; I understood that they would reasonably want to know more given that this was the first time I openly displayed any remote interest in a girl, it was the way they were going about it though that really rubbed me the wrong way. I was in no way obligated to tell them more than I wanted to, and mind you at the time I wasn't even super comfortable with sharing more about my romantic and asexual identity than I already had so the fact that they kept on pushing me to answer their barrage of questions despite me firmly saying no, was legit making me feel persecuted and eventually I just completely went silent and stopped paying them any mind.

Its things like that which have made it really difficult for me to feel content with the way I am, but fortunately I've long since opened up to those friends about what happened and how it made me feel, and they've apologized sincerely for it--even admitting themselves that they just didn't understand and even though they did want to learn more, they knew they were being insensitive. We're all good now, but I thought I'd share my experiences on this anyways.

5/22/24

#authors on tumblr #young author #horror author #aspiring author #small authors #writers on tumblr #female writers #aspiring writer #small author #asexual #biromantic #lgbtq #asexual spectrum #asexual community

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arcplaysgames · 2 years ago

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Oh Teddie. Buddy. I saw how you sucked face with Kanji, you can't fool me.

Rise, do you..... not..... have a gaydar? Rise, do you not know? What else don't you know, like, do you not know about Chie and Yukiko? Oh, girl. Are you our token straight? I think she might be.

Also, I don't thing i can find the caps, but Rise constantly negs Kanji in combat. She can't seem to have a chill interaction with him. It's funny but also a bit aggravating. Like, can you kids play nice?

What am I saying, of course not. These kids are incapable of it lmao.

This dumb fucker hurled himself in on purpose knowing we'd bail him out, I just know it. If smug was a motorcycle, he's a fucking Knievel.

Naoto's little corner of TV land is a secret laboratory out of some Man From UNCLE classic spy stuff.

It has, without a doubt, the worst exploration music in the game so far. Jesus christ.

ALSO TEDDIE IS... IN A CHEERLEADER UNIFORM. okay. sure. I got cool clothes for everyone. I like Kanji in the Tatsumi Textiles work clothes, and Reverie is dressed as an ouendan member! OSU! goddamn i love those games.

Cuties. Everyone is adorable.

ALSO CHIE CAN DROP BY MID-BATTLE TO SLAM HER SCOOTER INTO AN ENEMY AND KNOCK THEM OUT OF THE MATCH? Amazing.

oh my LORD.

Naoto's Shadow is kind of amazing. One, the VA performance is great, swinging between a very sad child constantly on the verge of tears to a VERY over the top theatric rendition of a mad scientist. The oversized floppy sleeves are a fabulous touch on the physical design. This one is something special compared to all the others.

pops gum loudly

This bit is very good.

Admittedly, it's very interesting to reach Naoto and his shadow after hearing about the whole thing secondhand for, at this point, over a decade. I'm not going to bring anything new to the topic and, frankly, I'm waiting to see how Naoto's social link plays out to get a full read on what's going on here.

Because, obviously, surface level read of the whole this is more than moderately disappointing. The gender essentialism and the repeated idea that you cannot change your gender is more than a little eye-roll-inducing. And it chafes pretty badly against Kanji's entire SLink, which I finished after this dungeon and will recap later but does revolve around eschewing the simplicity of labels.

I'm kind of struggling to pin down why I'm not that mad at this handling. Part of it is obviously that I've set my expectations low for Persona as a whole so that I can have a lot of pleasant surprises when it exceeds those expectations.

But also, the entire Naoto thing is a very sticky situation. Because I think that the Western audience for these games doesn't understand the gravity and density of the sexism in Japanese society. And I'm not an expert in this! But lets say that I do know a thing or two from a friend who does understand it. And it suuuuuucks. Naoto is entirely right to be torn up about this duality.

The people he works with would 100% absolutely no question discard his opinions if they saw him as a girl. Yep. I fully believe that and the weight of that anxiety on Naoto is crushing, clearly moving him to tears. But on the other hand, presenting as a man to avoid that pitfall, the other anxiety of "mimicking those same men" and having to justify their bullfuckery is also incredibly heavy.

Naoto has no clean solution. And if we posit that his reason for being a guy is rooted in that fear, that's... a bad reason to go fulltime Guy Mode. When you opt into your gender, it should be out of love for the thing, in my opinion. There should be something like relief in "yes, I am this gender!"

I don't see that here. But, on the flipside, as soon as this fight is over...

I could reach through the screen and slap you, Rise. This stung me like hearing someone getting misgendered. It fucking SUCKS. Not just everyone swapping to "she" but the feminine diminutives, that's genuinely hard to hear and I personally hate it.

Anyway, back up.

I love this moment from our other team member who thinks a LOT about gender. Kanji being like "listen, just let this shit play out so Naoto has the healing process we all got too, we'll handle the battle part." LIKE!!!!! Fuckin'.... queer solidarity means saying yes, you will beat the shit out of the superpowered facade of a friend's gender demons. THAT'S what it means, baby!

ah shit out of images again brb

#p4 #persona liveblog

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edoro · 2 years ago

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OC characterization: 3, 12, 14, 15, foooor... Jackson!

3. What’s something pointless/petty/unimportant that IRRATIONALLY ANNOYS THE HELL out of your OC? - well, i don't know if it's "irrational" exactly but he has some pretty intense sensory issues so certain noises will just make him SO upset. cannot stand being in the same room as other people who are eating because the sound of chewing or cutlery clinking/scraping on plates makes him want to commit murder and/or cry.

Jackson tends to get easily annoyed but also gets over it pretty quickly... he'll sulk for a few minutes and then be fine. things happening unexpectedly or mild disappointments can upset him a lot, like finding out he's unexpectedly out of his favorite cereal or something like that...

also, when he acquires his beautiful kitty Cheesecake, he WILL demand that people greet her, and he WILL get mad if they ignore her when they walk past her or she comes into the room.

also a lot of times the degree to which Laurence insists on Following The Rules Because They Are The Rules drives him up the wall. he needs things to make sense, and a lot of the stuff Laurence insists is important just does not make sense to him.

12. What perfectly-normal-to-them-thing does your OC do that confuses/pisses off/terrifies their neighbors? - everything about Jackson is confusing to people who don't know him lmao. he's never seen outside without the wrap-around mirrored shades of a celebrity trying to avoid the paparazzi. his gender is ??? and his presentation ranges from "androgynous pajama casual" to "sugar baby being taken on a date to a black tie event" with no apparent rhyme or reason. his response to being spoken to by strangers is to either stare in wide-eyed silence or to immediately begin enthusiastically rambling about whatever topic happens to be on his mind at the moment and he has little to no concept of "conversational norms."

he doesn't interact much with the neighbors except for accompanying Max on his hikes and walks to reduce the chances of someone calling the cops on him for WWB, however he DOES have a number of habits that concern his partners/roommates, such as:

-creeping around in the middle of the night with all the lights off (he sees very well in the dark) to sneak food

-hiding in spaces like under the bed, in the closet, or under the coffee table to chill out and accidentally (or sometimes on purpose) jumpscaring people

-taking care of any and all illnesses or injuries on his own or with his twin's help

14. What thing did your OC’s parents do that your OC wishes they had a better explanation for? - lol. lmao.

uhhh pretty much literally everything, starting with "why did you even decide to have us in the first place?" and going from there. Laurence and Jackson were born to a single trans father who went to some length and expense to get pregnant with them using a sperm bank, and he proceeded to raise them both in the most insane way possible, keeping them incredibly isolated and trying to mold them both into his personal little ideal doll children based on his whack-a-doodle gender norms.

Jackson would especially personally like to know why he was the target of so much more outright physical violence than Laurence was, and why their dad just seemed to never really like him from the start. they were both horrifically abused, but Jackson's abuse included a degree of open sadism that was much more subtle in Laurence's, and he still doesn't really understand why he was singled out that way in particular.

also, he does NOT get why their dad divided up the chores the way he did. it seems so arbitrary! and even when Laurence (pre-coming out) WANTED to do 'boy chores', their dad wouldn't let him! absolute bullshit!

he just really wants an explanation for like... his entire life.

15. How often does your OC “zone out” or do things on autopilot and how severe have the problems that have arisen from that been? - oh SUPER often. Jackson dissociates a ton, at times severely enough that he'll lose hours-long chunks of time.

the biggest problem, for the most part, is that he'll spend a while doing things and then just not remember what he did during that time, which freaks him out. sometimes he'll just kind of end up sleeping or doing nothing all day, just sort of sitting and staring or wandering vaguely around.

he's also gotten VERY lost trying to do things like go to the store or go outside on his own, where he forgets what he's doing or where he's going or why he's there or where he is and gets turned around and confused. it makes it hard for him to hold conversations because he can't remember what people just said or what he was going to say, and often struggles to really verbalize his thoughts at all (or even HAVE thoughts.)

he's hurt himself doing stuff around the house because he forgot he was holding something sharp or touched something hot or things like that. on occasion he's burned food or left a burner on or things like that, which used to get him punished when he and Laurence lived with their dad.

his memory of his own life up until his dad died and he and Laurence moved in with Max and Emmy is really fragmented and spotty. there's a lot of stuff he just doesn't remember at all, including some specific things that happened to him while Laurence was away at college that kind of suddenly come back after a couple of years which are pretty hard for him to process and deal with.

he needs a lot of reminders about what to do/house rules/where people are/what their routines are, and he often ends up leaving himself notes to tell himself what he was doing because otherwise he'll forget later. he also often will forget that someone left and need to be reassured that it's okay and they're coming back.

#jackson #he has problems!#<-blorbos from my brain #asks #ask games

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kxllerblond · 2 years ago

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PHYSICAL TOUCH.

So I would say Clark is touch sensitive but he doesn't necessarily have a complete aversion to it, he's just very picky with it depending on the person and what the touch is.

So in terms of strangers or even just casual friends, etc-—he does NOT like random physical touch. Hugs, shoulder pats, nudges, etc. Hell he doesn't even like people standing too close to him. Depending on how along someone is from going from a casual friend to more, he might allow it if given some sort of heads up. He loathes his hair and face being touched and does not like to be approached from behind or touched from behind in any way.

You will see situations where he tolerates it just as he would insults or other negative situations because he finds some sort of risk/reward scenario to justify stomaching it. This does weigh on him and you likely won't see him capable of dealing with it for long before signs of agitation and discomfort start to be blatantly noticeable.

In terms of besties and romantic partners, he still isn't one for random physical touch he doesn't see coming but he's way more tolerant of it. If someone in this category were just bear hug him, he'd probably be as stiff as a board but he'd mostly be chill with it. If you tap his shoulder from behind, you're still likely going to get a jump out of him but he'd not going to give you dagger eyes for the rest of the conversation. Romantic partners get pretty much free access to his hair and he heavily tolerates little face touches as well (cupping, lip brushes, playful nose flicks, etc). Heavily enjoys hand contact and will seek it out (typically will play with a partner's fingers while they have a conversation, etc)

No matter how deep the connection, his back and his head are always going to have him sorta jumpy and stiff initially. He's gotten better about his holy water burn scars on his back shoulder, but his gunshot wound scars (entry not too far up into his hairline, the exit closer to the back base, larger and a bit textured) are still a very touchy topic and even with warning or a conversation, he's going to tense up and freeze, there's no avoiding it. He's usually fine after that it's just that initial letting someone past that boundary.

Movement restriction will probably get you bit honestly. He cannot have his limbs immobile completely or he will freak out, besties. Hands or legs separately are tolerable if you're like on the fucking twue wuv UwU, soulmate shit but both is a no go. Likewise, he's all for pinning on the bed and he's usually cool about it but if he's like Yo, get off me please then that's pretty much your warning before he mAKES you get off lol.

#(;hc)#cw long post #ok now i sleep snoomimizzzz

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years ago

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tw mention of someone dying, manipulation

I'm coming to terms with the fact that my mother is really manipulative, but idk if I'm dumb or used to it but she'll say things that sound super normal but when I think about it more it might be really odd?

She claims to be a psychic and can talk to the dead and stuff. Well, a family friend (my dad's new best friend) died of a freak car accident (actually the second family friend in the past year that that's happened to). My mother decided to speak to him from the dead, and ask about his final words.

More stuff happened, but one of the key things she told me was that he said to her that "I thought your whole deal was rather odd but I just didn't say anything. But now I know that you're performing miracles to help the world around you. Thank you."

For context, my mom and I have a bit of a rocky relationship because sometimes she'll be in the headspace where she is pretty chill and we can talk about her interests and stuff, and sometimes she is in a headspace where she has a bit of a god complex and says and does a lot of bad things (not physical, though she has taken away my access to water before).

I'm never good enough for her and she kept me as isolated as she physically could, even moving to a completely new place where the legal age of adulthood is older so I wouldn't have adult rights.

So like, it's weird that she's trying to say that our family friend that very recently died and expressed disinterest in her psychic stuff and being offput by it while alive has now changed his mind. In a conversation that only happened between him and her because she claimed it happened. And now he apparently believes that people should accept her and her "powers" because she's actually really awesome and great actually

idk.. I wasn't as close to him as my parents were but that still feels kinda disrespectful? maybe?? it's not the first time she's pulled this, she's done it MANY MANY times before (family friend dies, a friend at school moves away and she "checks in on them psychically", a pet dies, even when we moved houses she said the "spirit of the house" said stuff along the lines of "she is wonderful".

Is this manipulation? Would it be considered abusive? Thanks for the help

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through.

It's not right for your mom to withhold water from you, as well as isolate you, make you feel like you're never good enough for her, and move to a place where the legal age of adulthood is extended just to limit your rights. These things could be described as manipulative or abusive.

In terms of mediumship, it's a bit of a controversial topic, but what I would say is that, I can see where you're coming from and how it seems to be that she's speaking not only on behalf of the deceased, but she's essentially putting words in their mouth that are inconsistent with their beliefs when they were alive, and I don't think that's right. Especially how it seems like she claims the deceased are all just saying good things about her, when in reality she has many problems worth addressing. So you could say it's manipulative to speak for someone who cannot speak for themselves, especially if it's inconsistent with that person's actual beliefs and creates a seemingly perfect image of her character that may not necessarily be accurate.

I hope I could help. If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw death #tw child abuse

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cleolinda · 11 months ago

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I have been trying to write (as promised) something about my idea of Liminal Christmas

I’m loopy on muscle relaxers for my back and it’s not working. The writing does not logic

Like there’s a draft but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So my ideas are:

-- You know what “the liminal” is, right? It’s not just the Backrooms and the “liminal internet aesthetic”?

-- It can refer to thresholds (Latin: līmen) of both time (the sun rising or setting; midnight on New Year’s Eve; birthdays, graduations, even death itself) and space (doorways, crossroads, intersections, international borders; the wardrobe to Narnia, the rabbit hole to Wonderland--you see a lot of these in fantasy media).

-- And not just specific threshold points but more general times (adolescence/coming of age; long journeys; periods of social instability) and spaces (hallways, lobbies, waiting rooms, airports, bus stations, parking lots, streets, abandoned buildings, ruins). Travel itself, a state of being between one place and another, is liminal. Anything temporary has a liminal quality. A parking lot is liminal in a way that a garage is not, you get me? The liminal is a place you're not staying permanently, and the time you're Not Staying in it.

-- The "internet aesthetic" version also highlights the emptiness of things that may or may not have already been liminal (office hallways, closed buildings, abandoned malls), where an additional aspect is the the explicit unease, the uncanny quality, that the emptiness creates. Emptiness is not requisite, however, and an airport is liminal whether it's full of people or not.

-- So we have both specific points of crossing and broader states of between-ness.

-- Christmas is extremely liminal

-- The winter solstice (generally December 21 or 22, Northern Hemisphere) is by definition liminal: it is the longest/darkest night of the year, the threshold between The Days Shorten and The Days Lengthen (Midsummer is the same, in reverse).

-- There is a lot of Germanic Yule/Wild Hunt and Roman Saturnalia in the liminality of Christmas Eve that I can't wade into right now

-- (I had a whole thing about Twelfth Night antics and the Lord of Misrule being liminal that I couldn't quite work into the flow of the post)

-- I cannot speak for other winter holidays, cultural celebrations, or hemispheres

-- In fact that’s where my post draft breaks down because I have a tendency to bite off more topic than I can chew, this is all So Much and I am So Flexeril’d

-- But basically I realized last year that I really don’t like Christmas Day much as an adult. Santa does not visit me anymore; I am a Santa. I value Christmas Day as a family holiday, but I don’t look forward to it the way I did as a kid. There is nothing I am waiting on, there is no lying awake in giddy hope all night while listening to Christmas music on the radio.

-- (That particular Christmas, I think I woke up to a My Little Pony Paradise Estate circa 1986)

-- It’s Christmas Eve that I love

-- It’s the liminal, i.e., the spooky part

-- The part where everything stands still, anything is possible, the night that expands in every dark direction beyond the actual time it occupies. Any miracle, any terror, chill and sparkling between-ness.

-- Santa himself: extremely liminal. We watch NORAD track the sleigh around the world. The night is as long as it needs to be, the gift sack is as big as billions of presents require. Santa arrives through the impossible between-ness of the chimney. And he can be at a thousand malls simultaneously and, so we're told as kids, bring anything you wish for (if you're on the Nice List), whether you ask for it aloud or not. HE KNOWS

-- Is this concept honestly kind of creepy? YES

-- And you see the limitless spooky magic of Christmas Eve over and over in media (anything where Santa renders some miracle gift on a night without the limits of time or physical distance; the Grinch becoming the Antisanta; Clara’s nutcracker coming to life at midnight; George Bailey being shown [by an angel who will cross the threshold of earning his wings] across time what could have been so he will understand his Wonderful Life)

-- (SCROOGE)

-- A Christmas Carol is like THE most liminal Christmas work; it involves three ghosts (beings between life and death) taking a man through various stages of his life in the space of one expansive night, ultimately to a threshold of total personality change (or else).

-- You will probably have a ton more examples; I'll let someone else take on The Nightmare Before Christmas and, uh, all other cultural winter traditions.

-- Like I said, my drafting broke down around the time that I realized that the proper cultural scope of this post was more suited to a graduate thesis.

-- (I am really very secular about Christmas, but it would be remiss not to point out that the story of the Nativity for which “Christmas” is named is also extremely liminal, with the traveling and the looking for a place to stay and settling on one that isn’t actually meant for humans, only a temporary shelter, and the night and the Three Magi journeying towards a star.)

-- As a kid, though, I was most struck by The Nutcracker and the story of the Christmas spider.

-- In the storybook I had, the spider wasn’t trying to whip up some precious metals for a family in poverty. It just really wanted to help decorate a Christmas tree, and all it had to offer were its webs, but the Christmas Eve Miracle was that they turned to silver tinsel.

-- Man, tinsel is so bad for pets and almost as persistent as glitter, but I sure do love some tinsel.

-- Decorating the tree IS Christmas to me, and we used to use both tinsel and real candy canes, which we don't anymore. In fact, this year, I wasn't able to help with the tree at all because of my back injury, which is how you know I was bad off. It was the source of all magic to me. I used to peer into our Christmas tree in the dark living room, looking deep between the colored lights and fresh pine, and imagine being a tiny elf jumping from branch to branch, talking to the various ornaments, wooden animals and hanging dolls and Wish Bear and Mountain Climbing Santa.

-- (One time when I was seven, the tree fell over on me [I DIDN’T TOUCH IT!!] but I lived)

-- My point is: that pleasantly spooky sense that anything could happen, any magic could be wrought, anything I hoped for might be under the tree on Christmas morning. But also, kind of scary and full of spiders. That feeling was what hooked me.

-- One year I was lying awake (in the dark, through hours that felt like years to a five-year-old) and I swore I could hear hooves on the roof.

-- Anything can happen on Christmas Eve

When I was a kid, I used to love to stare deep into the Christmas tree. I imagined an elf or maybe a very small me, idk, living in the branches, climbing up through them as if it were not a treehouse, but a house made of tree.

I have always preferred a “spooky” Christmas vibe: the dark and quiet liminal hours of Christmas Eve, or maybe just after you were supposed to be in bed in the nights leading up into. (I was really into The Nutcracker, which might explain some of this.) Just the dark and the Christmas lights and the decorated tree, and all the things that might come into being in that shadowy window of possibility.

Anyway, this is an ominous Wish Bear.

#christmas on tumblr #holidays #christmas #christmas tree #long post #long post is long

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lightholme · 2 years ago

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The plague of Diegetic essentialism (or, how I learned to stop worrying, and just enjoy the sub)

There's a specter haunting the sub… the specter of… Oh fuck, this bit is played out, isn't it?

Hello everyone, it's been a couple years since my piece asking people to chill about calling things fascist. Just long enough for everyone to forget it and the problem to come right back!

But that essay is a companion to today's topic, as is this ever relevant video by FoldingIdeas about The Thermian Argument.

Today, I want to talk about diegetic essentialism, how it poisons discourse, and is a cynical ploy by corporations to get you to mindlessly consume their products. And, especially, how it's managed to infect Warhammer and Sigmarxism in particular.

Introduction: Don't be a DEckhead

If you Google the term "Diegetic Essentialism," the first result is….this sub? What the fuck? Did we make up this term? Shit, that can't be right.

Ok, so there are actually a lot of other terms to describe this phenomenon, which has become pandemic over the past decade. Lore brain, Wookipediaism, the Thermian Argument, Cinema Sins-esque, Funko Pop Sunnism (ok, I made up that last one too).

But being the fucking insufferable, over educated losers that we are, we decided the best label was diegetic essentialism. The perfect academia poisoned definition. Exactly descriptive, but so wrapped up in jargon, it can't be understood on its own. So what does it mean?

The diegesis is a work of fiction's "universe." It is the imaginary place where the story is unfolding. There's a joke that's common in movies that explains the concept perfectly. A soundtrack is played over the intro, and when the credits are finished, a character leans over and turns off the radio, cutting the song short. The joke being, you thought it was the film's soundtrack, something the characters can't hear, but it was actually diegetic sound, sound that existed "in that universe." The joke being that there kind of isn't a real difference (hyuk hyuk).

Essentialism just means the only valid thing. To be essentialist is to say that something has an underlying, a priori nature that cannot be denied.

Put em together? It means someone who thinks the only way to analyze, critique, or understand fiction is as though it were real. To the DEckhead (how I'll be referring to the diegetic essentialist from now on), a work of fiction is like a keyhole into an alternate universe as real as ours.

There's nothing inherently wrong with this, it's often how we enjoy something as a consumer. And the DEckhead is nothing if not a consoomer.

While we're watching a movie or reading a book, we allow ourselves to pretend like it's real. It's fun.

But when a normal person returns to reality, they understand that fiction not only isn't real, not only can't be real, but isn't intended to be, beyond the fun of enjoying it.

It is something which is produced by artists, authors, actors. It may or may not have clarity of purpose, themes, intended takeaways, cultural criticisms, etc. It might just be something someone thought was cool.

In a movie like, say, Scott Pilgrim (I know but it's a good example here), when Scott punches someone they burst into coins. This is obviously not intended to be real. In the "universe" of Scott Pilgrim, people are not made of coins, it's just a fun video game reference, an absurdist joke.

But this is true even in something like Superman. When Supe punches someone, he's not really punching someone. The physics of that would be like being impaled by a telephone pole. No, the punch is essentially metaphorical. Evil is defeated by the strength of justice. A punch is the psychologically satisfying, "non violent" way to do that. IRL it actually very easily could kill the petty criminal the same way a knife or a gun could, but it's something our brains can passively accept, it feels right.

This is a critical aspect of media comprehension. Most aspects of a story are thematic. They're not meant to be understood as literally real, but rather meant to evoke the feeling of something real.

The DEckhead does not understand this, or, chooses not to, and gets angry at people who don't follow along. To them, a fictional universe is a consistent, coherent place that exists beyond the boundaries of the text in question. And the only thing you're allowed to do is contribute to "the canon." A term which was literally invented as a joke that is now taken 100% seriously. Welcome to the internet, enjoy your signal decay.

Our sub's eternal enemy, 40klore, is a perfect example of this.

Always are they searching for "evidence" of what something is "really" like, or who would win what fight. You know the type.

Which primarch has the biggest dick? What does Shadowsun eat for breakfast? Questions that, even if an author explicitly spells them out, do not have answers, because they are not real.

Let me give you some other examples to give you an idea how absurd this exercise is:

Does Gandalf have colon cancer? Does Pikachu like dubstep? Did Captain Ahab have imposter syndrome? Hopefully, you're getting the idea. Characters exist to serve a story, they don't have a reality independent of that.

And the only thing that determines what happens next in a story is what an author decides will happen next. That's it. This is true even of historical fiction or works like The Martian, in which the original author went to great lengths to make it as "realistic" as possible. But "Realism" is essentially a genre trapping. It's like a lightsaber color, it's just there to help you enjoy the work. It can't be real.

So here's a great example from the sub that everyone isn't sick to death of, female space marines!

What does the DEckhead say? There can't be female marines because there's no geneseed for them. What does the other DEckhead say? Cawl could totally do it if he did primaris!

These answers are categorically wrong. There were female marines, but they didn't sell as well, and for logistical reasons, they were dropped. Lore was invented to justify this. And it stays that way because the cultivated identity of your marine consumer expects it to stay that way (we will talk about this term later), and would go Gamergate on GW if it changed. GW likes money, and not rocking the boat, so without a compelling reason to blow up their current fanbase, they maintain a piece of fluff so that it's "impossible." ("It's an easy fix! One line of dialogue, thank God we invented the uhh.. You know… Whatever, device.")

This is the only coherent answer. "Lore" reasons are for idiots, and are literally wrong. It's like thinking that Toucan Sam controls what goes into froot loops.

Of course, I'm not saying you can't enjoy fiction on its own terms. But when criticizing it, you must think of it in material terms, as a production made by authors with intent. Lest you fall into this mental trap.

So how is this relevant to us, and why is it bad? Seems straightforward right? Can we be done here?

Well, unfortunately, DE is the tip of a very ugly cultural iceberg. We have a lot to talk about. About late capitalism, about the tendency of the rate of profit to fall, and about how one of capitalism's new frontiers is our brains, and how they've been fully colonized.

Ugh, fuck, like my sister essay, this is way too long. We will break it up with memes and jokes. Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this.

Media saturation and the attention economy

Have you noticed recently that there's just, like, way too much shit?

Pick any medium: TV, streaming, books, games, movies, music, fuck, even board and tabletop games.

The production and sale of entertainment products is more voluminous than ever. The sheer quantity of things released, even good things, is so large, that even if it were your full time job, you couldn't keep up with just one of these mediums, let alone multiple.

Sometimes people in the same hobby, that like the same genre, maybe even the same property, won't have anything in common with each other.

It did not used to be this way. For better or for worse, "pop culture" used to mean pretty much everyone had seen something. In 1991, 22 million people watched the season finale of Dallas. Now, something with a 2 million person fanbase is considered strong.

As more and more media is produced, it is competing with an ever shrinking attention span. You literally don't have time for this shit.

What results is an alienated, fractured fan "community," one in which you're forced to seek out other atomized individuals to even know someone who's experienced the same thing as you.

And this problem is only getting worse. With the proliferation of choices, not only is there an ocean of garbage to wade through, but a calculation has to be made whether that thing is even worth experiencing if you'll never even meet someone else who has as well.

Ever scrolled through Netflix for hours and found nothing to watch? Ever paid good money for a game on steam and never once played it? How many books are you planning to eventually read, only to find that by the time you start, they're not relevant anymore?

There used to be a thought experiment in philosophy like this: if you had a superpower where you could make any movie you want, but only you could see it, would you want it?

That's not a thought experiment anymore, it is functionally true.

As a result, very few cultural properties have any lasting impact, and fewer still will even experience them. And so they become shallower as a result. They need to appeal to ever increasing crowds of people but still have nothing to say. How can you make a resonant cultural impact, when the culture is essentially a shattered mirror of little cultivated fandoms? How can you even know how to speak to people? This is, not coincidentally, why every show sounds like Twitter now.

The walled garden, the cultivated consumer identity

Corporations have a term they use, cultivated identity, to describe a marketing and sales strategy for how you break through an environment like this.

Now this part of things I'm not an expert in. A lot of people make a lot of money figuring this shit out. But the outline of it isn't hard to understand.

If you're selling people a product, you're kind of a sucker. The buyer gets to evaluate whether that product is worth their money, and you have to convince them that it is, based on its quality, with consequences involved for lying or falling short.

But what if instead, you could convince someone that the product is part of their identity? You're not a customer, you're a blorbo! And you can't wait for blorb 13, the blorbening!

What does it matter if it's good? A blorbo blorbs. Duh.

Obviously, I made this sound as stupid as possible. And yet, how many people call themselves gamers? Hobbyists? Superfans? YouTubers? Even "nerd" and "leftist" can fall into this category.

This isn't like being a film buff, which has expectations of expertise involved. And it's not like an ordinary fandom or genre appreciator, e.g., a metalhead. This is merely a consumer category. You get in the club by being someone continually buying into something, regardless of quality or expertise.

It's pernicious, and it's a highly effective way to cut through all the noise.

Why buy the next thing? Because it's your identity. You could avoid it, if you wanted. But then you're back to that screaming void of attempting to parse through an ocean of stuff based on its quality, which no one else may even know about. Worse, the more people become like this, the less you can relate to them unless you become the same thing.

How many of you have read all of the Horus Heresy novels, all 60-something of them, even though you can count on your fingers which ones aren't complete dogshit?

I own all the Broken Realms books, and I sit and defend AoS on this sub all the time. Why? That shit is online somewhere for free, and I don't give a shit what redditors think about a game I enjoy playing.

It's because GW colonized our brains. In order to keep you onboard, they want you thinking about Warhammer all the fucking time. They want it to be the only thing you consume.

Have you ever looked at something in real life and said, "hey! That's just like Warhammer!" But no, it obviously isn't. That's their marketing with its hooks in you. That's the brainworm they inserted so you'll keep coming back.

And now that I've mentioned this, you probably see it everywhere. Video games that demand they be the only things you play. Endless manga and anime that never has a satisfactory conclusion. TV or books that go on forever and have spinoffs and sequels and tie ins and etc etc etc.

This differs from just making more content for things that are popular. The goal of these kinds of franchises is to be totaling. Warhammer, in particular, is so impenetrable that you can't know it all (even if it is a mile wide and an inch deep, which is actually intentional.)

Marvel of course is the clear juggernaut here. You could live your entire life in a Marvel bubble, if you wanted to. There's that much content.

Shit, even things like apps have the same strategy. Endlessly consuming your attention, refusing to let you go long past when you're getting any use out of it. How often do you even remember what memes you looked at an hour after you put your phone down?

How do they cast this spell on us? Why does this work?

Competitive identity and fandom

And now we return to D.E., and its role in this.

Real media criticism is like the product comparison we made before. Is this a good fiction? Are its themes coherent? What were the authors trying to say? Were the performances good? Etc etc.

You may notice, these are essentially subjective questions, which are the bane of both capital and the hopeless nerd.

If I judge something as bad, it's not easy to convince me otherwise. So you need to pull the conversation away from that, into something "objective."

Enter diegetic essentialism. The goal here is not to evaluate any substantive question. The goal is to establish canon. Quality and artistic merit are essentially irrelevant. And the author might as well be god himself. Aloof and unknowable.

In a deeply bitter form of irony, many DEckheads actually invoke death of the author as evidence for why a story can only mean what its "canon" implies it means. Symbolism? Allegory? Metaphor? These things don't exist. Only "details." Details established by fan arguments.

In this environment, it becomes very difficult to relate actual media criticism to the cultivated identity DEckhead. It tends to annoy them, or "spoil the fun." You're evaluating quality and artistry? That's not why we're here, bucko.

For you to fit into these properties, and therefore not be lost in the cultural wasteland, you begin to compete to be the biggest "fan." The best lore understander, the most details knower, the most hours logged on, the takes haver.

What becomes important is not actual construction of meaning, talent in performance, or even just having a good time, it's constructing the cultural justification for why it's worth it to stay in this identity.

I know you know what I mean.

How often have you been roped in to an argument about the Tau? How long have you spent memorizing the details of battles that did not happen and aren't even consistent? How many marketing names do you know for troops that have slightly different weapons?

When you're trapped in DE, all you can do is talk about the details. Everyone is in the walled garden. You're not a visitor here, you're trapped.

When we say 40k sucks, what we mean is the vast majority of it is zero effort reactionary garbage. Sure, some of it isn't, but that's the exception.

GW rarely or never credits their authors and artists anymore (their newest paint teacher is hands only lmao). They regularly shit can excellent story ideas if they can't connect to minis sales.

How can this dreck be worth thinking about? It's not just that it isn't real, that's obvious. It's not even really trying.

And yet that won't stop 40klore from furiously discussing the implications of bimchus boltbutt falling to chaos, all one paragraph written about it. And it won't stop someone else from spending two hours digging through wikis (which are like religious monuments dedicated to DE) to "prove" or "disprove" something that was never real and will be overwritten by the next book anyway.

Most of you are subconsciously aware of this. Be honest, when was the last time you really read any of the books? Compare that to how often you read a wiki instead, or, god help us, watched a "loretuber."

It's not your fault, it's because it's bad. It's not worth reading 80% of these things. Your brain rebels against it.

At one point, they existed to help you tell a cool story while you were playing a fun game.

Now? They exist to perpetuate a corporate juggernaut with a 30% profit margin. The game is deliberately designed to be miserable to incentivize new model purchases. And Black Library greases that engine.

Influencers and superfans consume and regurgitate "information" and "lore" to a series of people who've decided they "like" something that they literally don't like.

And you keep up with it because otherwise, you don't get to be in the "fandom." Hilariously, a lot of the arguments people make on here are incorrect even in DEckhead terms. Like it's obvious to someone who has read lore when someone else has not. But accuracy isn't even important to the DEckhead. Not really. Just that it exists to argue about.

And now we come to it. The conclusion that will piss a lot of you off.

""""""""""Leftist"""''"""""" Diegetic Essentialism

Leftist is essentially in this category too. Because it doesn't have a strict, coherent meaning like, say, Marxist-Leninist or Anarcho-Communist.

Despite being nominally anti capitalist, after the honeymoon period of escaping to the left, there is a lingering "what do I do now" that this same market mechanism is happy to latch onto.

"Breadtubers," shitty podcasts, awful electoral politics horseracing, they all fit into this same niche. An endless stream of content to deliberate on, but not act on or organize for.

Worse, since people falsely associate liberalism with the left, and liberals have increasingly become hysterical about the need to "improve" media, rather than improve material conditions, people start using diegetic essentialism to police their own fiction for elements that aren't in it.

How. Many. Fucking. Times. Have you read a thread, on this sub, from people who definitely should know better (and I do not exempt myself one bit) about how X faction is (fascist, capitalist, cringe, based, comrade, etc.) because of some snippet of their lore that clearly no author was trying to communicate, and that the story barely supports?

It's ok if you're just having fun, but we are so far past that point.

Stir made a joke a long time ago about how often the word "anarchy" is used in the Beasts of Chaos and Tzeentch battletomes in Age of Sigmar, and how it would be funny if someone thought that made them anarchist comrades instead of the clearly negative connotation GW puts on the word.

Only that's not a joke, that eventually did happen.

It's ironic that despite how saturated the internet is now with media analysis types with related degrees from universities, media literacy is probably worse than it's ever been.

The takeaway: Thematic/Material Analysis, vs diegetic essentialist problematic interpretations

Fuck, are we at the end yet? Thank God. The tl;dr is almost here.

When you make an argument like "Salamanders are comrades because in this book they did a thing that was nice, and that's like communism, so they're communists," you are doing the leftist version of DE to keep this consumer identity going. It is exactly the same as a shitty 40klore thread (redundant, I know).

It is the "leftist" version of "no female space marines."

Or, not to put this user on blast, but the recent "Chorfs are capitalist?!??" post is another great example. It would be one thing if we could examine the story and see their mode of production and, wow, look, the author included enclosure of the commons and theft of surplus value, I wonder if that was intentional? But no. The argument is "Chorfs are greedy industrialists. Capitalism has greedy industrialists. Chorfs capitalist?!??"

Lost in this kind of nonsense are basic critical questions. E.g., what was the author(s)' intent? What is the value of this criticism? Is this what the story is about, or is there only incidental interpretive evidence?

What's happening here, is leftists are using the Thermian Argument in reverse. They're using DE to say a story objectively has a message that it does not possess, and that no author intended. And, even worse, that even the interpretation is an idiotic stretch. All this to keep the fan content churning.

Do you see how foolish this exercise is? Do you see how the point isn't to critique or analyze or enjoy a work, but to create a competitive context to keep people trapped in these consumer categories?

It would be one thing if, like is the case with Krieg and Space Marines, people were deliberately misinterpreting lore as an endorsement of fascism (using an admittedly lazy and inconsistent framing where they're arguably not wrong). Especially since there's a material effect that misinterpretation(?) has on our lives.

But if we're just arguing about the fucking lore, the answer is that's it's just a bunch of shit designed by Tory adjacent Anglos to sell toys. That's it. Most Warhammer fluff isn't even worth analysis or critique, it's got nothing in it. Even the DEckhead has to scrape the bottom of the barrel most times. Sometimes literal sentences are their only "evidence."

If you want to break out of this hell, you have to start using actual tools of critical media analysis. And absolutely the first step of that is throwing Diegetic Essentialism out the window.

Don't think about lore as real, think of it as decoration for a product, made by tired authors and artists who largely aren't getting any credit.

When you want to have one of these silly takes, ask yourself instead, "what was the person writing this lore trying to accomplish?"

The answer typically, in Warhammer's case, is not much.

This is not to say there's nothing about it to discuss, far from it. We could talk all day about what Warhammer considers normal and what it says about Western values.

But there's no intelligent things to glean from the lore itself.

The tl;dr

There is no canon. The lore is not real. It cannot mean or imply anything not expressed by the authors and artists, or so strongly evident in the assumptions of the story, that it's an inescapable facet of it (e.g. Imperium and fascism).

If you don't want to be a consumer brained moron, stop asking """''factual""""" questions about the lore, and ask instead, "what did the author mean?" "How was this work produced and for what reason?" "Who made it?" "How does it make me feel and what are its themes?" And, most importantly, "is this even good? Is it even worth my time or analysis?"

Otherwise, you're just trapping yourself into a series of pointless arguments to justify your consumption, forever. And you'll be polluting the sub, and dragging everyone else down with you.

Peace, thank you for reading this incredibly stupid essay.

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