#I never really ramble about this interest publicly much but in recent years I’ve become a BIG fan of retail aninatronics

[lemonmatronics]

y’all are never gonna see me recover from this actually

[bethelina]

On G/t, Identity, and this post

For two days now I’ve thought about this post. 

First of all, @so-very-small​, I want to commend you for your response. I wouldn’t have been as calm and collected. I wanted to respond, but I didn’t want to lash out in anger. So, I waited and reflected. And I’m glad I did because I had an epiphany tonight.

It didn’t feel right responding in a reblog. So here it is in its own post. (Also sorry for the life story, but I felt like it was relevant.)

I have always felt small. Like always. I think I was something like 3 or 4 years old when I realized this, but as a child, I couldn’t put it into words. I would rewatch Thumbelina over and over again (hence the nickname Bethelina) and just imagine my life like that.

At the ripe old age of 7, I confided in a close friend (who was something like 8, if I remember correctly). I told them that I wished “I could be as small as Thumbelina.” I will never forget their response. They looked me dead in the eye, blinked, and said, “Why would you want to be that tiny? That’s weird.”

From that instant I understood. I could never speak of it again. There was something wrong with me, and I had to hide it from the world.

But that didn’t stop me from dreaming. Anytime anything dealing with size came up in media, I was simultaneously enthralled and embarrassed. I couldn’t let my family know I was interested in Big People and Little People™, but I desperately craved content. Books, movies, TV shows… I would find them and consume them in private.

As I got older, my thoughts became increasingly preoccupied with being tiny. The thoughts became more and more intrusive. Some days, it was all I could think about.

When I was in High School, I had recently discovered DeviantArt and decided to do a search for “shrinking”. That day changed my life. There were others who liked this stuff too, and they called it G/t. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t a freak. The deserted island I was living on suddenly became a metropolis.

Inevitably, I encountered the NSFW side, which I mostly saw referred to as macro/micro. I was disgusted and ashamed. Even more so than ever, I couldn’t let anyone know I was interested in G/t. They might assume I have a fetish. The very thought made me nauseous. I lived in constant fear of being outed.

[Side note: If you are interested in the NSFW side of G/t, you are valid! I personally cannot handle it.]

After a few years of lurking on DeviantArt, I made my own G/t account and properly joined the community. Secretly of course. None of my friends could know. Except, they ended up stumbling over it one-by-one when they recognized my art. (Whoops). After an anxiety-ridden 3-hour explanation (each time a new friend discovered it), I finally came clean. Much to my surprise, all of my close friends were understanding and supportive.

I continued to struggle with the concept of my physical body never being able to be tiny. It started to add into my depression and anxiety, which honestly didn’t need any more fuel. (But that’s another story for another day). One day, I ran across someone else describing just this. They used the term “size dysphoria” and everything clicked in my brain. I finally had a term I could cling to.

I worked really hard to become more comfortable with my tiny identity. I opened up to more and more people, slowly eroding my fear of being accused of fetishizing giants. Maybe my fear was unfounded. Maybe people are more understanding then what I gave them credit for.

And then I saw this post.

All that fear… all that self-hatred… all that doubt came rushing back. I wanted to say something snarky in return, but I knew that wouldn’t help the situation. I decided to ignore the whole thing, but then my epiphany came.

Why do I have such a visceral reaction to being accused of having a fetish? A few years ago, I realized I’m somewhere on the asexual spectrum. [I’ve never publicly said this before, and I don’t have the guts to come out to my family, so posting this is kinda scary for me.] Very recently, I’ve learned that sometimes the very idea of having sex (with people I know) is physically repulsive to me. Like I feel like I might throw up.

Being tiny is more than an interest to me. It’s who I am. Because it’s so deeply ingrained with my identity, it horrifies me that someone would automatically connect my desire to be tiny that with sex. And tonight, that finally clicked.

It was really hard for me to type all of this, and I’m sorry if I rambled on at some points. But it has felt therapeutic to get all of this out.

 TL;DR I am tiny, and not everything is about sex

… thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[infcstissumam]

just got tagged by more than a few of my awesome mutuals to do this, and I’ve finally managed to scrounge enough of these up in order to fill this up! Haha, for real though, thank you so much for the tags. I really appreciate it, even if I don’t respond to all of them!

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favourite followers.  SPREAD POSITIVITY 💌😘

1. I love how good of an older sister I am to my siblings, I mean, I’m not perfect, no one is, but I do my best. They want to talk about Roblox, Minecraft or a family vlogger? I’m always down to listen to them ramble. Need some advice? I may not be the sagest, but I’ll give them my take and hear them out when our parents aren’t able to. If they need to chill and hang out with someone, I’m there, and I’m proud of it!

2. I like how bold I’ve become in myself. I love that I don’t have to apologize for speaking my mind anymore and taking part in the things that I love. Sometimes I might falter, but this unapologetic candor is a source of growing pride for me and I love it. It makes me far less hard to talk to, and it helps build my self-image and personal security, and I love how I’ve gotten to this point. 

3. I like how much I’ve come out of my shell and became more social in recent years. Of course, you can say ‘‘Bun you say this but barely ever dm people,’’ but it’s all relative, and I can’t wait to get even better,  to a point where I won't have to delete old writing, etc. compulsively

4. I like how tenacious I am in my interests. Writing hasn’t always been a good place, but I’ve never stopped doing it and the negativity has never deterred me before and I love that. 

5. I love my dedication to growing, I mean, I can’t recall a single time in my life where I’ve looked at myself and my growth thus far and wanted to stagnate. I’ve always wanted to be better and I think that’s admirable on a fundamental level, y’know?

Tagging: Anyone who hasn’t done this yet!!

[discjockeyetc]

People, not politics.

A friend of mine sent me a private message on Facebook recently asking why I don't share my political views on social media. Like, ever. It’s true. I don’t. At first, it seemed like a pretty easy question to answer. I just don’t. But when I really gave it some thought, it occurred to me that it’s not quite that simple. There ARE reasons... and I felt I owed it to that person (and anyone else who gives a crap) to explain myself.

First of all, I’ll say this: I do have opinions. Plenty of them, in fact. Some opinions are stronger than others. There are things I like and things I don’t like. There are also issues which I’m on the fence about. I’m not saying I’M a complex person... but political issues can be... which, for someone like me, makes it difficult to stand firmly and wholly on one particular side. To me, much of what we as Americans argue about isn’t simply “pick a side”. There are many layers to pretty much every issue which makes it difficult to jump into one particular boat. 

There is one topic on which I’ve been quite clear as to my opinion and that’s my support for equal rights for those who identify as gay, lesbian, or transgender. More specifically, the right for same sex couples to marry or form legal/civil unions. As someone who works in the wedding industry, I get a front row seat to see some of the purest examples of love there are. I believe ANYONE who loves another so much that they want to be with that person for the rest of their lives should have the right to do just that. I haven’t really had to advocate for change in this area since same sex marriage was legalized in the United State in 2015, though. I’ve DJ’d a number of same sex weddings since legalization and all of those couples have just as much love for each other as ANY other wedding I’ve been a part of. I could go on and on about my support in this area, but I think my position is quite clear on this. :)

As for everything else, I pretty much keep to myself. If someone wants to talk about a political issue on social media, I’ll usually diffuse it with a silly .gif or comment. In most cases, I just stay away from those conversations altogether. If someone posts something I disagree with, I’ll just keep scrolling. If someone is constantly posting things I disagree with, I’ll just unfollow that person. Rarely ever do I actually unfriend someone because of that, though. Either way, I’m not engaging. Adversely, if someone posts something political that I do agree with, I might “like” the post, but I’ll usually keep scrolling past those as well. If someone is constantly posting things that I agree with (like, that’s ALL they post is political stuff), I’ll unfollow that person, too. Equal opportunity, right? 

I want to see posts about your kids... or your dogs... or your vacation pictures (remember when that used to be considered torture?). I like seeing updates about new jobs or new love. I pray for people who are going through tough health issues or have recently experienced a tragic loss. I celebrate the victories and successes and empathize in the losses and failures. I love the memes... goodness gracious, do I LOVE the memes! Music is also a big thing with me (obviously). I actually run a politics-free music group where I spend much of my social media time. Let’s not forget weddings! I’ve adjusted my feed (specifically on Facebook) narrowed down to the people who only share these kinds of things. Let me tell ya... it’s quite lovely. I’ll see some ugly things every now and then, but that “keep scrolling” training has really come in handy. 

...but why do I not share MY opinions? A number of reasons: 

First and foremost, it’s how I was raised. Throughout my childhood, my dad said many times that engaging with people on political issues was never a good idea. So, even as a child, I was into this idea. It goes WAY back for me. 

I was VERY interested in politics as a kid. Not necessarily the issues themselves, but the civics of it; how elections work, what it means to vote, the different branches of government, and so on. My dad and I even volunteered on the campaign for our local state representative (stuffing envelopes, licking stamps, etc) for a couple election cycles. I learned about how a bill becomes a law, and even went to an election night victory party! The civics of the democracy are still fascinating to me. I still stay up late on election nights to watch returns and results. Democracy is messy and loud, but also incredibly awesome... even if you don’t like the results. :)

(me, age 10, with Michigan District 31 State Representative Sharon Gire, c. 1986)

My opinions don’t align with a lot of people’s. No question about that. I simply don’t have the energy (or, quite frankly, even the desire) to argue with anyone in a comments section of a social media post about ANYTHING. What good would that do? I’m also way too busy to waste my energy on this kind of thing. Between my day job, my thriving mobile DJ business, two active kids, an amazing wife who works hard at her job, there’s just no room in my life to argue with people on social media. To be honest, I don’t know how anyone else even has time for it, either. Then again, I’m not everyone. :)  My stance on a subject isn’t likely to change your mind nor is your stance going to change mine. I also kinda don’t care about your politics. I care about you as a person. 

My friend who posed this question followed up with “What about if you’re face to face with someone who wants to talk politics?” Great question. I’ll discuss some subjects when face to face with you, particularly those in which I’m pretty well versed. If I don’t know much about a topic, I’ll admit that right off the bat. I’m not going to stand in front of you and pretend I know something that I don’t. That’s just dumb... and I’m no dummy. :) If you launch into your opinion on a topic with which I do not agree, I’ll typically just let you ramble and not offer much of my thoughts... because, clearly, I’m not going to change your mind. I’ll usually try to switch the topic. Deflect! Deflect! Deflect! Ha ha ha! If you and I do agree on a topic, I might engage a little bit on it, but generally, I’m still going to try to switch the topic. I’ll ask about your kids, job, travel plans, or life in general. THAT is what interests me... not your political views.

Another reason is sort of a business decision. As many reading this know, I’ve been a professional mobile DJ for a little over 15 years now. The last thing I’d want is for my political opinions to deter anyone from hiring me. Don’t get me wrong... a privately owned business has every right to share their political views... just as every potential customer has EVERY RIGHT to take their business elsewhere. I want my business to appeal to ALL people... and it’s a formula that hasn’t failed me yet; I’ve had clients with all kinds of political leanings. I am a DJ for ALL people. 

Not publicly sharing my political opinions is a commitment I’ve made to myself... and so far, I’ve been able to keep that commitment. Even during this tumultuous season of highly charged views. At the end of the day, nothing I say will change anyone’s mind, so I choose to focus my efforts on people, not politics.

[spinsterbootcamp]

Hey fellow spinsters! 

So I’m not really active on Spinster Bootcamp much anymore when it comes to creating content (not that I was even very reliable in my posting schedule when I was more active, but still...) but that really only means that I haven’t prioritized taking the time to write up stuff on here, I haven’t given up on my interests related to it entirely. Offline, I’ve been doubling down on all of it and over the past couple years been having SO MANY conversations about these things IRL with friends, constantly researching/reading/learning as much as I can, and really giving a lot of thought to how I can keep these conversations going and reach/engage with more people. I started thinking about putting in the effort to make Spinster Bootcamp a proper blog with maybe regular contributors or something, but so far it just doesn’t seem like the right medium for the subject matter. So I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how to go about discussing these same subjects but in a different medium. 

What I really want is to essentially continue having the conversations I’m having with friends about spinsterhood (especially queer spinsterhood), the solitude/loneliness dichotomy, the intersection of work and solitude and the idea of secular vocation, etc (and honestly so much more than I’m only just starting to really get a handle on and unearth), but in a much more public manner. Which, honestly, people who know me IRL will tell you that me wanting to talk publicly about things that are so important and personal to me is shocking, BUT, I think that is why the medium it is done in matters. If this hypothetical project is just a blog with me doing most of the writing/editing and a few contributors when I can get them, then it is going to be mostly me writing from my own singular perspective, which is not the conversation I want to have. I am finally in a place I think where I feel confident to add my voice to the discussion without always second guessing it (just *mostly* second guessing it), but I don’t want to be the only perspective I am putting out there, and even though I would be asking for other people to engage in discussion with me it seems like an inherently skewed platform that won’t lead to balanced discussion. I also don’t want to commit to a blog type structure where you need to post regularly. I want to be able to essentially have moments during the year when I am working on this project a lot, and then times when I am not. I have a lot of interests, and while I’m very interested in doing something with this, I know myself enough to know that if it is something that I feel I have to keep up with regularly in order to keep people interested I will become 110% uninterested. I like having conversations about these things, and then going back to my own solitude to mull it over for awhile, and then doing more research, and then having more conversations later, and I suppose that sort of pacing is much more in line with how I would feel comfortable running a project like this. 

So the first of two formats I have been considering instead is some sort of publication, think like a quarterly magazine or journal (could be hard copy or online) where people could submit essays, short stories, personal anecdotes, fiction, non-fiction, comics, anything goes really. I’m very open to the forms the writing takes as long as it is related to the overarching subject. I guess depending on interest/amount of contributions then I would figure out how large to make it/how often to publish it/etc. I haven’t really given it much thought behind that, and I admittedly know very little about self publishing, not to mention the amount of work and rounding up of contributors that that would entail. Then editing/curating for quality on top of that makes me kinda stressed just thinking about it. 

The second format that I have given much more thought to and am currently favoring is a podcast. I know, I know, that might sound weird right after I said in an above paragraph that I don’t want to be the only voice. But that’s the thing! I wouldn’t be the only voice on it, it just would be my actual voice doing about half or less of the talking, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is just me speaking from my own personal viewpoint. The thing I like about how I have been interacting with these subjects recently is that the amount of people I talk to about these things IRL has somehow tripled. Talking about these things even with the small variety of people in my small social circle has been so comforting in a way that all my years of reading and research or even talking with people online never has been. I think there is something to be said about actually hearing another human speak about these things, and not just reading their words. It feels a little more like comfortable discussion with real people rather than academic analysis that can sometimes to me feel a little too impersonal. Or at least I suppose I am finding that that makes a big difference for me. And besides, what I really want is to keep having those IRL discussions, just in a more public manner, and what better way to do that, than to literally record those discussions and release them to the public? 

That being said, there would definitely be themes or specific subject matter for each episode, and it would likely be me speaking with 1-3 people individually about the subject matter for that episode, with the guests ideally dominating most of the conversation. Obviously once again the ability to gather contributors and find an audience will dictate how many episodes there would be per season and how often they are released, but I like the idea of doing maybe 6ish less than an hour long episodes per season, and releasing just one season a year. If there were more demand or enough contributors then I could see doing two seasons a year, but not more than that. Think like small audio miniseries I guess? Not so much a routine subscription to content as a special thing that happens once in awhile. 

SO here is where I would like some input after all that rambling! I am taking a podcasting workshop this upcoming Saturday. It is being run by another queer woman who has created radio/podcast content that I have really enjoyed, so I am excited about that. From what I understand we will be covering both technical aspects of creating a podcast, as well as the storytelling aspects. I don’t really know how much we are expected to have fully fleshed out ideas going in. I know the things that are important to me to have for this sort of project, but I would love to have some more info to work with on what sort of things people would like to hear from a Spinter Bootcamp-esque podcast. Are there subjects/people/concepts you are dying to hear someone talk about? Is there anything you would be into coming on the podcast and talking about? (I am gonna need a regular stream of contributors, might as well start sourcing some of them now!) Is there anything that you constantly see happening anytime you read or discuss these sort of subjects that you think should be avoided or talked about in a different manner? Do you feel SO STRONGLY that a podcast is a terrible medium for this and you have a much better suggestion for how to go about this? I’m partial to the podcast idea but I’m not married to it yet. That’s part of taking this workshop, to dip my toe in and see if it really is the format that I think I could work with the best. 

I think I’m finally done talking at all of you now haha. Please let me know if you have any thoughts about this hypothetical project though! Big or small I would love to hear all of them and I will definitely keep everyone updated with what I decide to do and how the process progresses. 

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/06/09/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-6917/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 6/9/17

  In an interesting shake-up over at CBS, Erinn Hayes has been let go from her role as wife to Kevin James in Kevin Can Wait. They say that the show is going in a new direction, which necessitated the firing. But here’s where it gets interesting. Leah Remini, who played James’s wife on King of Queens, popped up in the season finale as James’ former cop partner. Well, just before announcing Hayes’s departure, CBS announced that Remini would be joining the show next season as a series regular. Now, if you’ve never seen Kevin Can Wait, Kevin James plays a former NYC cop who tries to figure out how to adjust to his recent retirement. Based on the season finale, though, it seems like James’s character might be coming out of retirement. It’s just a strange move, seeing as how the show ended the season as the #1 new comedy on network TV – hardly a situation that necessitated a retooling of the show. Part of what critics praised was Hayes’s portrayal of James’s wife of 20 years. How do you just gloss over that relationship? I mean, they’ve gotta kill her off, but unless you do a time jump, you’ve gotta slog through all the grief stuff, which doesn’t lend itself well to a multicam comedy. And if they’re gonna fast track a relationship between James and Remini, will the audience accept it? It really feels like they blew a sure thing and, if they wanted to recreate The King of Queens, thy should’ve just revived The King of Queens! I’ve said that online since Kevin was announced!

Speaking of Remini, I’m starting to think she’s a Scientology double agent. Bear with me here: Scientology is a well-connected organization in Hollywood that allegedly has the power to ruin your career with the information that they have on their members. If you ever leave the church, you’re pretty much done. Just look at the list of former Scientologists. On that list, Remini and Jeffrey Tambor are the one ones who even have a semblance of a steady career right now, and Tambor kinda skirted the issue by saying he never really joined the church. Remini, however, joined up as a child, and was a HUGE booster of the church. Then, in 2013, she turned on the church – not for its negative views on homosexuality (which is why Crash director Paul Haggis left) or its alleged illegal activities. No, she left because she got her feelings hurt after leadership clapped back at her. At Tom Cruise’s wedding to Katie Holmes, Remini asked why church leader David Miscavige’s wife wasn’t in attendance, and they basically told her she didn’t have clearance for that info (formal speak for “Nunyo Biznazz”). She didn’t trust that answer, and went further to file a missing persons report on Mrs. Miscavige. Then, she made it her mission to publicly discredit Miscavige, criticizing his leadership, citing reports of abuse in the Sea Org, and more. She went straight to the TOP with her blame game, yet NOTHING has happened to her. In fact, it’s probably rejuvenated her career. She got a successful show on A&E called Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, where she’s basically telling all their secrets. When the show debuted, the church issued a statement attacking her. Yet, she’s working more now than she was before. So, there’s two things happening here: either Scientology isn’t as powerful and litigious as we’ve been led to believe OR they’re in on it. It’s yin and yang. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. While Scientology has its critics, it never really had an enemy before. Why not create one where they could control the narrative? It’s like learning that Captain America has secretly been Hydra the whole time. Long story short, I’m not entirely convinced she’s left the church, especially over something as trivial as what’s reported to have started the whole thing. And she’s laughing all the way to the bank.

In other TV news, Tia and Tamera Mowry (yeah, they got married and have new hyphenated last names, but I ain’t got time for all that) are trying to get a Sister, Sister revival off the ground. And I don’t know anyone who wants this. If you were cool back in the 90s you probably never watched Sister, Sister, where a set of adopted twins didn’t realize they were twins until a chance meeting in a department store, a la The Parent Trap. Then they all move in together. It was the definition of “mediocre”, yet once ABC canceled it, it gained a new life over on The WB. The most memorable thing about it was that Marques “Batman” Houston, of the R&B group Immature/IMx, played their annoying neighbor Roger (kinda like a watered down Steve Urkel), and they’d constantly yell “Go home, Roger!” at him. Other than that, it was just a bunch of zany, mistaken identity twin shit – stuff that I’d hope adult Tia and Tamera had outgrown by now. What’s the story to tell? They both get divorced, and move in together with their kids? Sorry, Kate & Allie, Getting By, and the upcoming Raven’s Home have already covered that old chestnut. Are they single in the city, doing the same twin shit? Not interested. I don’t have a lot of faith in this one getting picked up, though, because they’re far behind where they need to be. Right now, they say they’re looking for a show runner to guide the project, but then they’d have to find a network. Sister, Sister was NO Full House, so I doubt Netflix would be interested. If anything, the only place I’d put it right now would probably be Freeform, even though the twins are slightly older than the target demo of that channel. Let this just be a lesson that not everything needs to be revived.

In other television news, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow has cast Tala Ashe as Muslim “hacktivist” Zari Adrianna Tomaz for season 3. She’s a computer whiz from 2030, so basically the team’s got their own Oracle/Felicity now – not that they really need it, with Gideon and all. Anyway, in comics Tomaz is actually an Egyptian who uses the Amulet of Isis to transform into the hero Isis. Before the New 52 reboot of the DC Universe, Isis was an important character in the weekly series 52, as she was in a relationship with Black Adam, and her brother, Osiris, was eaten by Sobek. Oh, and she had a cheesy TV show in the 70s. None of that’s gonna be in the Legends, I’m sure. Given the current political climate, and how loaded the name “Isis” is right now, I doubt they’ll actually ever call her that onscreen, either.

Song of the Week

Today I give you “Vampires”, by The Midnight. My pal and thrifting partner, “Special Forces”, and I decided that this is the official theme song for Thrift Justice should it ever become a real show. Synthwave AND saxophone?! I wanna direct Skinemax movies just so I can score them with this entire album. So sexy. Right now, Thrift Justice is a USA drama circa 1990, and I ain’t got no problems with that!

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Modern Family‘s Sarah Hyland will guest star on Freeform’s Shadowhunters, which kinda sounds like a step back…

Speaking of Freeform, they’ve ordered a pilot for an American adaptation of UK hit Misfits. The network is a good home for something like this, but I’m still pissed over the American adaptation of Skins, so…

Rudy Huxtable herself, Keshia Knight Pulliam, escorted TV dad Bill Cosby to the first day of his rape trial. Whatever. Call me when Lisa Bonet shows up.

In next level pettiness, Taylor Swift put her entire catalog back on Spotify at midnight – at the very moment Katy Perry released her album “Witness”

According to Dan Aykroyd, Paul Feig blew his chance at a Ghostbusters sequel because he overran his budget on unnecessary reshoots. Sony refuted the figures Aykroyd presented, saying the estimates were off by about NINETY percent. Woo!

Jennifer Connelly will join Daveed Diggs in TNT’s Snowpiercer pilot, playing the person who makes the daily announcements on the train. Exciting!

Tom Cruise revealed that the title of the Top Gun sequel will be Top Gun: Maverick. I wonder if John McCain has any feelings about that. Coherent feelings, not ramblings about the Diamondbacks…

Speaking of Cruise, his The Mummy reboot opens today, and reviewers have called it “the worst Tom Cruise movie ever”. Wow.

Singer/actress/sister of Ray J Brandy was found unconscious on a Delta flight, and the doctor who came to her rescue was reportedly Kim Kardashian’s uncle! Considering Ray J put that family on the map, I figure it’s time the Kardashians did something to return the favor.

Gotham stars Morena Baccarin and Ben McKenzie got married. Knowing that show, it’ll probably revealed that they’re Bruce’s real parents or some shit. It’s not like it pays attention to any of the rest of the lore, so why not?

Fox canceled 24 Legacy after a low-rated single season, but they’re still committed to the 24 brand. They’re reportedly developing an anthology series to take the show back to its real-time roots

Like Peter denied Jesus, Jerry Seinfeld denied THREE requests for a hug from Kesha. I don’t blame him!

In one of the strangest deals I’ve ever heard of, Epix has inked a deal to stream its content directly to 2018 Honda Odyssey  minivans

Sony will begin selling clean versions of some of their hit movies. If you’ve ever accidentally bought a clean version of an album from Walmart, you can see why this decision might anger some folks

Hank Williams Jr is back singing the opening to Monday Night Football for the first time since 2011. I guess all his rowdy friends will be over after they finish burning a few more crosses…

George and Amal Clooney welcomed twins Ella and Alexander

Former Power Rangers director/producer/fight coordinator Koichi Sakamoto will direct the upcoming Ultraman Geed series, focusing on the son of the evil Ultraman Belial. Yeah, those words mean something to someone out there.

Newcomer Blu Hunt has been cast as Danielle Moonstar in the upcoming New Mutants spinoff of the X-Men films.

A live action adaptation of Cowboy Bebop is being developed, and my heart weeps. As one of the few anime series I’ve watched, and loved, I kinda hope this dies in development hell

Hackers released 8 stolen episodes of ABC’s upcoming game show, Funderdome, and nobody cared.

Donald Glover will be retiring her Childish Gambino hip hop persona after his next album.

We got our first poster for the Black Panther film.

Last week I gave my opinions and feelings on the movie. This week, I’m just gonna stick to the facts:

92% on Rotten Tomatoes

$103 million opening weekend domestic box office

$220 million opening weekend global box office

Third highest opening for a DC film

Most successful female-directed film

Mot expensive female-directed film, with a budget of $150 million

Most tweeted about movie of 2017, with 2.19 million tweets

Won Best In Show and Best Fantasy/Adventure at the Golden Trailer Awards

Last Saturday, Wonder Woman Day was celebrated at comic shops around the world

You’ve seen it by now, right? RIGHT?! Then, what are you waiting for? For these reasons, and more, Wonder Woman once again had the West Week Ever.

[oakpodcast]

Transmission 3 Transcript

New episode is live on Patreon. It is scheduled to release publicly at noon EST.

HOLLY:

If you're a new listener, make sure to start from the beginning.

MUSIC: "Solitude" by Muciojad

SOUND: SOS SOS SOS SOS

HOLLY:

This is Holly, broadcasting on all frequencies using protocol: MINISTER DELTA. This transmission is for Oak. All others, please disregard.

SOUND:  ...-- .-- .. .. .--- .-.

Some Things

SOUND: Nature sounds, at a park

HOLLY:

Some things you might not know. Or maybe you do, because you always seem to know everything.

Other than time, there's no way to get waterproof mascara off that doesn't cost money. At least, not that I've figured out yet. That was a long first week.

In Alabama, spring is yellow. I finally understand what "allergies" are. (sniffs)

The library will let you camp out all day with a book, library card or not.

People get a little weird when they see you running MS-DOS on a library computer, so don't expect to get away with anything illegal that way.

When the library's closed, Walmart and McDonald's employees have  a lot bigger things to worry about than you using their washroom.

People are more likely to give you money when you're holding a stray.

No one will usually stop you from showering at a public pool.

The best way to steal a towel is to walk right into a hotel around lunchtime and just take one off a cart.

Sleeping unprotected and vulnerable outside is a terrible idea. But at least you'll have good company from the other traumatized military types.

And finally, pizza is... amazing. 

Rambling

SOUND:  ... -. / .- .. -.. .- -.- --. -- .. .-.-.-

Holly:

Yes, that's right. I'm eating pizza during passover. It's not even thin crust. Not that that would make a difference, I don't think, but... you know.

HOLLY:

I don't know why I care? It's been almost fifteen years since you or I celebrated any sort of holiday like that.

HOLLY:

Besides, I feel like this past month is the closest I've ever been to wandering around a desert, so... I think that counts for something.

HOLLY:

So yes. Pizza during passover.

HOLLY:

Admittedly, pizza won't help my current digestive issues at ALL, but I suppose fewer washroom trips are ideal when you don't have a place to call home. It's worth it.

HOLLY:

We should have eaten pizza more often. We should have eaten anything good together more often.

HOLLY:

When I see you again, I'm going to eat every single meal with you.

HOLLY:

It's going to be real food, too. No more chocolate milk and smoothies for breakfast because we can't be bothered to cook. No more inhaling sandwiches at 3 p.m. because we forgot to eat lunch. And no more alcohol for dinner because we have stressful jobs. We can't use that as an excuse forever.

HOLLY:

Mostly, I think I got pizza because I wanted it to feel like hockey night—like my body hurts like this because we went on a long run together, not because I've been sleeping on benches and in chairs for the past month.

HOLLY:

And it's not like anything else sounded good. Well, a raw, bloody steak always sounds good lately, but that's not healthy. Or cheap. Unfortunately. Anyway...

HOLLY:

(Alarmed) I'm probably just being paranoid, but an SUV parked at my three o'clock right after I got here, and no one's gotten out yet. It's probably nothing, but I'm going to move anyway.

SOUND: All noise stops for a moment, then resumes.

SOUND:  -- .. .. .-

Sitrep

HOLLY:

Sitrep. I'm at a local park today. I've been trying to find an abandoned house to stay in, but it's not as easy as it sounds. It doesn't help that I get so nervous about breaking the law. 

HOLLY:

It's April 15—a nice Saturday afternoon during the playoffs. The Sens will hopefully beat the Bruins in a few hours, but either way, it should be a nice distraction.

HOLLY:

I don't think Ottawa will take the cup or even the Eastern conference, but I think they have a shot at winning the Atlantic division.

HOLLY:

You said you'd be back in time to watch the playoffs with me. That was worst-case scenario, remember?

HOLLY AS OAK: 

Don't worry, relax! I'm gonna try to be back before the 19th so I don't miss out on any wild birthday festivities. I mean, Valentine's day is more likely, but I'll try to be back before then.

HOLLY AS OAK:

If they try to make me miss being with you for the tribunal, or even worse, the playoffs, I'll just quit.

HOLLY:

Now that I think about it, that was a terrible joke. Oh well.

HOLLY:

I'm really not very good at imitating you. Did you at least get a good laugh out of my secure transmission last week? I bet you did.

SOUND:  ..... ----- ----- --..--

Podcasts

HOLLY:

I've listened to so many great podcasts recently. Rover Red is an interesting choose-your-own-adventure story. It's in the dystopian young adult vein, and it's pretty creepy.

HOLLY:

Lake Clarity is also about teenagers, but it's a modern horror story. Who doesn't love creepy camp stories? Just... maybe don't listen to it when you're going to spending a lot of time in nature. Oops.

HOLLY:

I'm good. I only barely peed myself over that fox last night (laughing).

SOUND:  ... --.- -.. -- .-. --- -. --.- ... .-.-.-

Thank You

HOLLY:

A huge thank you to Kim and Jody for pledging $10 per broadcast. 

HOLLY:

You know, my girlfriend in uni was named Jody. I say that like I've had a bunch of girlfriends. (laughs)

HOLLY:

Anyway, Jody was incredibly hot and incredibly nice. We only parted ways because I was headed to far-off places for adventure and military training and other B.S. like that.

HOLLY:

So, if you're the same Jody who used to be into... extremely 'creative erotica,' uh... hi? (Laughs) But you're probably a different Jody, in which case, disregard my awkwardness. I appreciate your support either way.

SOUND:  --- -.- .. -.. .-. ..

Inventory

HOLLY:

Inventory since last transmission: One pack of baby wipes, some makeup, a pair of tweezers because suddenly I'm really furry, one Holiday Inn towel, one Chromebook in... we'll be generous and call it "fair" condition, and roughly $12 in cash, USD.

HOLLY:

Hm, does the cat count as inventory?

HOLLY:

I can't really claim ownership of her; we don't have that kind of relationship, but I named her anyway. (Cat purring) Say hello to General Leia Janeway.

HOLLY:

This cat and I have a pretty good arrangement worked out. I feed her plain cheeseburgers or the cheese from my pizza, as well as a warm, cozy lap to sleep on, and she looks extra cute so people give me more money. Then she wanders off to do her thing with whomever, and I sleep at the shelter if I'm lucky, and we meet back up again later.

SOUND:  -.. .- ...- --. .-. ..

Makeup

HOLLY:

Anyway. Cheap makeup. It's funny how often camouflage involves smearing something on your face. Mud, camo paint, foundation... it's kind of all the same to me.

HOLLY:

You're probably cringing so hard right now, picturing me doing my own makeup. This cheap sponge thing is nowhere near as good as yours, and a flickering fluorescent light doesn't compare to your vanity back home. Ugh, just putting makeup on myself is a nightmare.

HOLLY:

I can't believe the list of things I took for granted now includes you dabbing makeup on me before parties and annual evaluations. I used to complain so much. And now I'd give anything for you to come do my eyebrows again.

HOLLY:

I spent a dollar more to get the foundation that clears breakouts. Was that frivolous of me? Ugh, probably. My face has just been so aggravated since you left. I thought it was stress, but... (sighs)

Holly:

I decided there was no point in messing with eye makeup. It's a bitch to put on, it's a bitch to get off, and no one really looks that closely, I don't think. Especially not if you're wearing glasses.

HOLLY:

A scarf would help, too. Between that and the Chromebook, I could get away with wearing pretty much anything and just look like an especially worn-out doctoral student. But the scarf is pretty low on my list of financial priorities right now. If I can't steal one from you like usual, I'm not going to bother.

HOLLY:

So much of my life has been spent undercover as a normal person. Ever since we joined the military, both of us have had to... look, you make a really good Marine, surprisingly, but I'm not cut out for it. I never was.

HOLLY:

I hate running laps. I hate doing pushups. I hate doing pull-ups. And pretending to be normal just really, really wears me down.

HOLLY:

Being able to work part time... that was ideal. I could have not worked at all, but I liked working with you. Besides, I wouldn't have felt right mooching off you for my entire life, and the only alternative to that is mooching off Mom and Dad, and that comes with too many strings. Like having to talk to them, for starters.

SOUND:  --.- .. ---...

Coffee

HOLLY:

I've never understood how you do it. Act normal, I mean. I've watched you stir speed into an iced coffee bigger than our coffee maker and then go to work, like it's business as usual. You flew right under everyone's radar. Maybe you spoke a little too fast sometimes, but I was always the one with "issues." Not you. 

HOLLY:

Ugh, I distracted myself thinking about coffee. Iced coffee. 

HOLLY:

I know I shouldn't be drinking coffee at all right now, just in case. I'm just so exhausted all the time. It's hard to keep an eye out when they keep closing without my permission.

SOUND:  -. --- .. --.- -.. ... --. -. --

Attraction

HOLLY:

So, as previously mentioned, I got the funds for a Chromebook off Craigslist. 

HOLLY:

You probably would have pick-pocketed someone your first day here or... just talked them into giving you their wallet, but I've never been good at those things.

HOLLY:

Somehow, I don't think the girl voted "Most likely to die in a hilarious freak accident" and "Most likely to become a serial killer" is the best person for stealth or charisma.

HOLLY:

That SUV is back. It's probably just people playing Pokemon Go, but I'm going to relocate again.

SOUND: All noise stops then resumes

HOLLY:

Apparently, a relatively attractive woman holding a sign that says, "Hungry veteran, please help" will attract all kinds of interesting job prospects.

HOLLY:

I've never really thought about the word "attractive" before. It's always used as a compliment. But it's so obvious now that I'm looking at it in my head...

HOLLY:

Attract...ive. Attractive.

HOLLY:

An adjective to describe someone who magnetically attracts all kinds of strange and unwanted bullshit.

HOLLY:

I've honestly never considered myself attractive. I'm not fishing for compliments there. I mean I literally get surprised by my reflection sometimes, as in, I get surprised by having a reflection. 

HOLLY:

The idea that strangers find me attractive confuses me. I'm an autistic 32-year-old who's never been independent in any sense of the word. And right now I'm homeless. Not exactly my definition of a catch.

SOUND:  .-. -.-- .-.. ..- --. -. .-. --. .-.

Objective

HOLLY:

Do you remember that time you saved the mission by seducing... I think she was a diplomat? (Laughs) Okay, I have to be more specific. The one in Dubai, remember?

HOLLY:

You and I have always had a relationship like me and this cat. You come and go as you please, and I wait around for you to come back.

HOLLY:

After that diplomat, you kept asking if I was secretly upset over what happened. If I was... jealous. You didn't believe me, but I really wasn't. Maybe I would have been a little upset about it if we'd failed our objective, but we didn't.

HOLLY:

Likewise, maybe I would be upset right now if I'd failed my own objective... but I didn't. I have pizza and a Chromebook, and I might get an iced coffee later, and I feel too relieved to feel anything else.

HOLLY:

​Things are good, all things considered. I'm totally fine.

SOUND:  -.. .-. -.. --- .-.-.-

Dissociation

HOLLY:

Okay, that's sort of a lie. I'm one giant ping-pong machine of emotions lately, and I hate it.

HOLLY:

I am relieved. But I'm also zoning out a lot. I'm ridiculously paranoid. And my nightmares are worse than ever now.

HOLLY:

I probably should have listened to Evergreen and gone to counseling when I had the chance. I should have taken care of a lot of medical things when I had the chance. But something something about hindsight, right?

SOUND:  .-.. -.. -.-- / -.. -... -... .. --- ... .-.-.-

Options

HOLLY:

Anyway. All that to say that I figured something important out last night.

HOLLY:

Either you're incapable of helping me, or you're an even better actor than I thought.

HOLLY:

Because I might not care what you do for a mission, but you care a lot.

HOLLY:

So. Option one, you're dead.

HOLLY:

Option two, you're in prison somewhere.

HOLLY:

Option three, you're some kind of sadistic, soul-less asshole capable of completely fooling me for years, if not decades.

HOLLY:

I think option three is the least likely. It's not that I can't see you running a long con like that on someone. Because I can. You'd be really good at it. I just can't imagine you running it on me.

HOLLY:

Option one... It seems like the most likely possibility. If I had to guess for someone else, I'd pick that one.

HOLLY:

But it just doesn't feel right. I've always known when something was wrong with you before. I have this nagging feeling that if you were actually dead, I'd know.

HOLLY:

And like I've said before, I can't think like that. Because if you are dead, you'd probably want me to join you. And don't get me wrong, normally I'd be completely on board.

HOLLY:

Which... is not the most healthy mindset, but I never said it was.

HOLLY:

But things are complicated now. There's potentially a lot more at stake than just my life. Things that might not come to fruition anyway. But definitely not if I die.

HOLLY:

I don't know how I feel about anything. I want completely contradictory things and I don't know what to do.

HOLLY:

And honestly, fuck you! You don't get to do something stupid and get yourself killed and then expect me to off myself too just so you can have company. It doesn't work like that! I mean, it used to, but not anymore. You should have planned better. Asshole.

SOUND: Holly's phone ringing

HOLLY:

Oh shit, how do I—

SOUND: Ringing stops

HOLLY:

Oh. Apparently not like that. 

HOLLY:

Anyway. For now, I'm going to assume you did something stupid and got yourself arrested—

Phonecall

SOUND: Phone ringing

HOLLY:

Hello?

GENERAL WILLARD:

Hello, Holly. 

HOLLY:

(Gasps softly)

GENERAL WILLARD:

We need to talk. Don't hang up—it's about Oak.

[automatismoateo]

My brainwashed religious friend's world view collapsed when I came out. via /r/atheism

Submitted July 17, 2019 at 08:15AM by 100Toby1 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2NYONSs) My brainwashed religious friend's world view collapsed when I came out.

Hey guys, this event happened a few weeks ago, so before anybody worries about me, don't! Every other friend of mine has been amazing and supportive to me, and it really makes me feel appreciative of the people I've surrounded myself with; this was just one reaction that I think is worth talking about because of how hateful religion has made this person.

So I came out publicly as transgender a few weeks ago. I've been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for five months, I had just gone out of town and got some nice girl clothes, and I had just finished my final year of high school so the stars seemed aligned. I didn't want to not wear my new clothes, hiding felt like crap, and I wasn't going to be able to keep it on the down low for much longer anyway because of the effects of HRT. 👀

I sent a little meme in a text chat and a couple minutes later a few pics with my hair done and wearing female clothing to make sure my friends realized it wasn't a joke. And yeah - a meme might not have been the best choice for a serious event, but it was light and fun and made it a little less stressful.

Immediately after, this guy, who we'll call Mark, asked me to join a voice call. Now, Mark is a very extremist Christian. He wasn't always this way, I've known him since I was 7 years old and he was always religious, but at some point last year it completely took over his identity. From some things he said, and circumstances I've been made aware of, it seems he was sent to a Christian conversion camp by his psychotic parents who thought he was falling to sin because he was dating in high school, but that's not confirmed. Anyway, he joins the call and starts talking to me about some innocuous stuff. I'm on edge, waiting for some sort of verbal lashing, and eventually when it doesn't come I say "Um.. did you see chat?"

He goes silent for a moment, and then says "Dude, that actually made me puke in my mouth, like wow.." followed up by a laugh, and then he continued talking about the thing he brought up before. I actually breathed a sigh of relief, believing that to be the extent of his took l reaction. . . Until my best friend came on and began calling me by my chosen name.

Every time he would say my name, or 'she,' he would chuckle, and after a moment I confronted him, saying "What are you doing? You do know I'm serious, right?" He responded "Yeah... Sure. How long have you guys been planning this for? Haha!" I was at a loss for words. This guy saw me come out, saw me dressed in female clothing, heard my friend flawlessly slip in to calling me my new name, and thought it was a prank. We tried to convince him for a couple minutes that it wasn't a joke, and then two more of my close friends who I had told beforehand joined the call. When they started calling me my name, he became increasingly aggravated, insisting harder and harder that it wasn't a joke, until he suddenly left the call.

It was then that he snapped. He began raging against everything in our server publically. Saying that what I was doing was a disgrace to God, that I have lost 'the light' (even though I was always atheist), and that I would be eternally damned for daring to be happy with myself. He left our server but continued to send me phobic messages about how I 'wasn't and never would be a girl' and deadnaming me until I sent told him that unless he was willing to respect my decisions to not contact me. He then diverted his energies and spent two hours arguing with my boyfriend about me, calling him a homosexual and going so far as to say that he would go to hell for accepting me. When he made it clear he wasn't going to take Mark's shit either, Mark went silent, deleted his entire account on the social media we were using, and I didn't hear from him for days.

Then Canada Day happened (Yay! Side note, I saw a trans flag flying at the beach where the celebrations were being held so that was pretty neat!) I went down with some friends to enjoy the celebrations, and I saw Mark there. I was out, and pretty confident, and there were some other friends of mine talking to him, so my friends and I decided to walk over. Mark legitimately started jogging away when I approached them. I guess he was afraid of catching the trans o.o

Anyway, here is the culmination of it all.. sorry this has been so long and rambly, but it's nearly midnight and I'm typing on my phone because I felt suddenly inspired to rant. A friend of mine recently spent some time with Mark and a really bad influence that has been in our lives for a long time who I'll call Cam, and Mark seems to have broke. Cam is a really terrible person, I think he actually has some type of sociopathy, because he has said multiple times that he doesn't understand the concept of having friends unless they're useful to you. And yeah, it's easy to say that he's being edgy, but I'm pretty good at reading people's emotions and I've known him for a long time, and he really doesn't seem to care about other people whatsoever. Just trust me on that one. And my friend spending time with them said that Mark has become a miniature version of him, stealing his mindset. Apparently he's talking about how the only way to get people to like you is to be offensive, to hurt people, and to not care how others feel about you, which is completely opposite to his worldviews and exactly what Cam preaches. His lack of tolerance to others has destroyed his compassion in a way I can't even comprehend.

All in all, I just thought this was an interesting story to tell. It hurt me a little in the moment but with how amazing the rest of my friends have been to me I have felt little loss :) I think this really expresses how dangerous extremist religion is. I don't believe all religion is evil, but whatever Mark personally beloved certainly is. I'll end this off with a quote from him in response to my friends telling him to just accept me for who I was, "Jesus is more important than friends."