#I neglect this brush a lot so it was fun to use it for once!!

[madootles]

sleepy ed

[hunny-beann]

I am literally having the worst day ever, do you think you could write some insanely fluffy Dream for me? I'm talking tooth rotting levels of fluff here.

Rest Now, Wife, Mine

Dream of the Endless x f!Reader

Note: Hi anon! Thanks a ton for the adorable request, I had a lot of fun with it and really hope it helps make your day feel a bit better <3

Synopsis: Morpheus' wife finds their bed far too lonely without him in it, and seeks out his presence to remedy this so she may finally succumb to slumber for the evening.

Thankfully, he is all too happy to oblige.

Warnings: None! Just pure and unbridled fluff :)

Word Count: 1,298

Her steps are silent and her pace slow as she approaches the familiar throne room, sensing even from outside of its walls that it is as close to empty as it is going to get for the evening.

That said, as close to empty as possible for the throne room of an Endless such as Dream was not nearly as empty as one might think, with it being a rarity that he not be found there.

She fights back a shiver as she steps across the threshold, her bare feet suddenly far colder than before, and her majority uncovered shoulders beginning to undergo horripilation at the seemingly inexplicable shift in temperature.

That said, being easy to explain was not a rule that the Dreaming followed, so this was nothing new, and certainly nothing unexpected.

Though, the sudden voice that split the once heavy silence in twain on the other hand, was.

"And what could possibly have you awake at such an hour, dear wife?"

The voice asked quietly, laced with both amusement and even a twinge of concern that had the wife in question smiling softly in spite of her best efforts to not appear excited at the mere sound of her love's voice.

Oh, but she had never been that strong, had she?

He had her wrapped around his finger just as he did the entire realm that he ruled, though he notably reserved the one with the ring for her and her alone.

She padded up toward his throne quietly, not willing to answer his question until she was close enough that her voice might not reverberate so loudly off of the palace walls.

Some words, she had decided long ago, were for her husband and her husband alone.

Upon her eager approach, the Lord of Dreams could not help but raise one of the corners of his mouth at the mere sight of her, holding his hand out at her nearness to guide her to stand before his crossed legs as he reached gently to take her other in his own as well, making a mental note of how chilled her extremities felt due to the cool night air of his throne room.

He watched as she slackened slightly at his familiar touch, her body always so happy to find him near in a way never ceased to have his heart all but melting at her feet.

What a disastrous little thing she was, truly.

He could never love another.

As her form relaxed at the feeling of his hands on hers, so loving in spite of the power that they held, she could not help but yawn softly, eyes growing teary as her ease allowed the weight of the day to truly set in.

Her dearest Dream Lord smirked up at her, his brow raised knowingly and his eyes twinkling as he watched her fight off the eternally tempting wiles of sleep.

What a sweet little thing, so helpless in her battles against her own biology that it was entirely too amusing to ignore, and always far too entertaining to neglect to bear witness to.

"You are tired, my dear."

The Lord of Dreams stated matter of factly, tugging his beloved closer using his soft grip on her hands so he could properly brush some of her hair behind her ear, a gesture which caused her eyelids to flutter closed briefly before they snapped open once more, her fight against herself not yet over in her eyes (though Dream could see clearly in the way that she swayed on her own two feet that there was already an obvious victor).

He chuckled quietly, shaking his head,

"You need to rest, sweet stardust. Let me bring you back to the bedroom."

He spoke gently, rising to guide her back to their soft and familiar bed only to halt when he heard her reply.

"No, I don't want to go back, you're just going to leave once you think I'm tired enough not to follow."

The Dream Lord faltered upon hearing this, raising a questioning brow in response before lowering himself down upon his throne once more, though this time he pulled his wife right along with him, sitting her on his lap in order to get a better look at her exhausted expression.

He frowned.

"Have you been staying awake on purpose, my love? Lying in wait for me as you promised you would not do?"

She shook her head, but he could see the way that the blood rushed into her cheeks as she tried to explain, embarrassed to admit the things that she had to in order to quell his worries of any intentional harm having been done.

"No, of course not, I just..."

The Lord of Dreams hummed and brought one hand to her back, rubbing up and down along her spine and feeling her lean against him unintentionally in response, her bones heavy and all too prepared to sink into whatever comfort they could find.

"You just what, dearest?"

He urged, causing his lover to nod blearily in response, slowly coming back to reality again.

"I just find that sometimes I cannot bear to sleep alone, that the bed feels far too wide and empty without you in it."

Dream fought back a slight smile upon hearing this, feeling more than a little bit proud to know that his wife could rely upon him enough to truly need him so (though he was notably unhappy to hear that this was causing her any amount of unnecessary strife).

"And is tonight one of those nights, beloved?"

He asked, watching as she nodded, her head lolling slightly upon her neck as her overworked muscles struggled to remain in control over her all too tired body and mind.

"Poor thing,"

Dream all but purred in response, adjusting his love upon his lap until she was leaning against him, breaths warm on his neck and body seeming to grow heavier by the second as the feeling of his familiar closeness drove her into a type of ease that was felt only at a lover's closeness.

"That will certainly have to be remedied, won't it?"

He murmured against her ear, feeling her shiver in response, nuzzling closer with a nod as he gathered his coat that had been hanging on the back of the dais behind him with just one hand, draping it over her body and pressing a soft kiss against her head as he felt her begin to drift off into a much needed and far too well deserved slumber.

"Rest now, wife, mine."

He said softly, feeling his dearest love smile gently against his skin at his familiar words and the use of his favorite (and almost sickeningly sweet) nickname for her,

"I will see to it that no one interrupts you as you do."

If she had been more awake, perhaps the woman would have rolled her eyes or even offered a sarcastic retort in response to her husband's dramatics, but instead she simply nudged herself closer, pressing a gentle kiss against the pale flesh of his neck before she drifted off for the very first time that night, feeling truly safe in the arms of her most adoring love.

And when morning arrived, and the throne room became far less uninhabited, the two of them made for quite a sight, indeed.

After all, who would have thought that the Lord of Dreams might choose to sleep simply to live life as his dear wife did, his cheek pressed gently against her head and his arms wrapped around her as slumber found them both, pulling them closer together, ever still, in the very same way that they belonged now, and always would for the remainder of eternity, and perhaps even beyond that.

ao3 link

[ed-recoverry]

Personal hygiene tips for depressed folks

Things I did when I was depressed that didn’t take as much effort and were realistic.

A bath is better than nothing.

Sitting in the shower is okay.

Hair, hands, underarms, and genitals are a must. It’s okay to skip everywhere else for a bit, but those parts need to be maintained.

Keep razors out of washroom if it’s a trigger.

Purell!!! Hand sanitizer!!! Killing germs is the only must.

If hair care is out of the question, get a short haircut.

On the topic of hair, dry shampoo.

Keep a brush next to your bed. Try at least once every few days. Putting it off will become a real problem.

Don’t use disinfectant/antibacterial wipes anywhere. Clorox, Lysol, HDX, Scentiva, anything generic. NO! Baby wipes, sensitive skin, skin friendly is the only thing.

Use antibiotic ointment (Neosporin for example) for even minor cuts. Infection is real and can happen, especially if you aren’t frequently cleaning. Then, ofc, cover with bandages.

Take vitamins and leave them by your bedside. Extra points for the gummy kind so it’s at least some kind of food.

To those who get periods, I’m sorry, but you have to get up to change menstrual products every few hours. Infections can happen. Big/overnight pads can give some extra time.

Get those crumbs out of your bed unless you like waking up with bugs.

Take out any food after a day or two. Mold isn’t fun.

Underwear needs to be changed every day. Everything else can go a few days, unless you’re sweating a lot or any non-water fluids get on it.

Automatic air fresheners and candles.

Glasses rather than contacts.

Seal any food or drinks when not consuming.

Spend a few minutes to move around in bed. Look up exercises to do lying down and or in bed. There’s a lot! Avoid bed sores and keep that blood flowing. Just a minute or two is all you need.

Flossing.

Stay clean. I know it’s hard to. Use that little bit of energy to maintain hygiene as neglecting that can and will lead to bigger problems.

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight: Saturday Morning

Plot: Jamie and Y/n spend an unconventional day off together.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: f!reader, language, mention of child abuse/neglect

A/N: Annndd we’re finally in it in it. A little bit of backstory, a little bit of trauma bonding and a whole lot of fluffy angst. Enjoy!!

(I also fell way behind w/ the taglist and since this series is maybe PG-13, I’m dropping the 16+ 💕)

—————

Someone was knocking on the door.

No, not knocking. Pounding.

Y/n slipped out of bed silently, as if the intruder was already inside her apartment. Bleary-eyed and stumbling in the dark, her hands fumbled for the baseball bat she kept behind her closet door. She’d had it since college and she couldn’t believe she was finally going to have to use it.

The banging continued as she walked through the apartment and down the stairs, growing louder the longer it went unanswered. Whoever was coming to abduct or rob her was clearly in a rush to do so.

Y/n steadied her breath and adjusted her grip on the bat, daring to peek through the peephole and see what she was up against.

“Wha-“ she uttered, lowering her bat and unlocking the door. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

On her stoop, Jamie was bouncing in place, “Can I use your loo?”

Y/n squinted, putting up a hand to block the bulb of Jamie’s stupid headlamp. “What?”

“Roy and I are on a run and I’ve gotta take a piss,” Jamie explained hurriedly, “You’re the only person I know in the neighborhood.”

With a heart rate well over 120 and a mind sluggish from sleep, it took Y/n a second to process his words. “I thought you were a fucking burgler,” she groaned.

Jamie whipped his hand frantically, “Is that a yes?”

Y/n was tempted to shut the door and let him take his chances with a public urination charge. Her friendlier instincts won out and she stepped to the side, letting Jamie race up the staircase to her bathroom. She shut and locked the door once more before trudging back up and setting her bat on the kitchen counter.

A moment later, Jamie emerged, calm and laughing to himself about something. “What kind of burgler knocks before robbin’ ya?”

Y/n was in no mood for his sense of humor. “It is 4-fucking-AM,” she pointed to the stove clock, “I am a single woman who lives on her own and it is 4-fucking-AM.”

“Alright, alright,” Jamie held his hands up in surrender, “Coulda texted you. I’m sorry.”

Y/n leaned against the back of her couch and wiped her hands over her face. Jamie made his way to the stairs, but was struck with a grand idea before he could take the first step.

“Do you wanna come with?”

Y/n glanced up from her palms, “What?”

“With me,” Jamie continued, “Roy. Go for a mornin’ run?”

“What part of 4-fucking-AM isn’t getting through to you?” Y/n asked, floored by his oblivion.

“Yeah, but you’re gonna be up anyway now,” Jamie shrugged, hopping from one foot to the other, “Get your blood pumpin’. Some endorphins.”

Y/n stared at him and wondered if she tried hard enough, could she kill him with eye contact alone?

“It’ll be fun,” Jamie smiled, jutting out his neck a little.

As much as it pained her to admit, he was right. There was no chance in hell she was getting back to sleep with all her senses dialed to 11. It was either tossing and turning in bed for an hour before she admitted defeat and started her day, or do something productive.

Y/n rolled her eyes and brushed past Jamie to grab her running shoes. “4 fucking AM…” she grumbled as she passed him once more.

Jamie made two victorious fists, too pleased with himself to acknowledge the fact that he’d robbed her of a precious Saturday sleep-in. She’d enjoy herself once they got out.

Grabbing a hoodie and locking up her apartment, Y/n followed Jamie out to the street where Roy was waiting on the sidewalk. Under the light of his own headlamp, he looked as confused as Y/n had moments before when he saw her trailing behind Jamie.

“The fuck are you doing here?”

“Convinced States to join us, yeah?” Jamie answered as Y/n yawned.

“I’m gonna fucking push you into the first lake we see,” Y/n glared at the back of Jamie’s head.

Roy looked between his trainee and the woman he barely knew, but respected for the threat alone. Nodding, his eyes landed on Y/n, “You can stay if you keep up.”

“No problem there,” Y/n sighed, taking off into a jog. If Jamie was going to ruin her day off, the least she could do was beat him.

Sharing a glance of amusement, Jamie and Roy ran after Y/n, into the early London morning.

—————————

It turned out to be a fair fight between Y/n and Jamie. Jamie hadn’t underestimated her, per se, but he figured her exhaustion would slow her down. She’d held her own right up against him and impressed even Roy.

“You’re fuckin’ fit, you are,” Jamie said after, the two of them having gone for tea afterwards. He quickly realized the double meaning of the word, “I mean, not like that. I mean, you are, yeah, but I mean-“

“Oh my gosh, words,” Y/n groaned, reaching with one hand to Jamie’s mouth, “Stop.”

Jamie swerved to avoid the hit, chuckling after. “You’re a proper asshole when you’re tired,” he snickered.

“Well, when I get woken up at 4AM,” Y/n glared over at the man, “No, I don’t feel particularly kind.”

The two of them strolled through Richmond, Roy having left them mere minutes ago. They’d run on and off for about an hour before Y/n had to sit through the rest of their regiment. She’d taken a great deal of joy in sitting back with Roy and yelling commands at Jamie.

“I think Roy’s gonna invite you every mornin’ now,” Jamie mused, taking a sip of tea.

Y/n faked a gasp, grasping Jamie’s bicep, “Getting to hurl insults at you? Every day? Oh, well, that’s it. Better hand Keeley my resignation.”

Jamie laughed, shoving her off him before spotting and leading them to a bench. Richmond on a Saturday morning was bustling with people, but it was a peaceful kind of frenzy. The kind you could watch and enjoy.

“Admit it,” Jamie said, sitting down, “You had fun.”

Y/n sighed, pulling her tea to her lips. No such thing would be admitted.

“Why are you even still doing this?” She asked, looking out into the park where a group of kids were kicking around a football, “Zava’s gone. You’re back to being number one. Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”

Jamie ran his fingers over his chin, she wasn’t wrong. Zava had made his unannounced exit two weeks prior. The whole reason Roy had offered to train him was to get him back to being the best. He may not have earned it, but the title had been bestowed back to Jamie. Mission accomplished.

“Think it’s more than that,” he answered, “More than Zava. I think…I know I can be better. And I wanna get there. See what I can do.”

Y/n nodded in reply, that was something she could understand. How many times had she pushed herself in school? At work? Not to beat anyone, but to know she had done her absolute best?

“Maybe it’ll pay off in Amsterdam,” she commented before taking a sip of tea. The exhibition match was just one week away.

“Ah,” Jamie smiled, “You excited?”

Y/n tilted her head from side to side in a shrug, “I guess. I’ve never been.”

Jamie’s face transformed in a split second, from content to near disgusted.

Y/n leant back, “What?”

“You’ve never been to Amsterdam?” Jamie was darn near incredulous at the mere notion.

“No,” Y/n replied, her voice jumping an octave under his judgement.

Jamie scoffed and turned away from her. “How the fuck do you live here this long and not go to Amsterdam?”

“And yet somehow, I still walk the earth,” Y/n chuckled at how bothered he was, “I’m guessing you’ve been.”

Jamie’s lips popped out very duckface-ish. “‘Course I have. Practically a fuckin’ tour guide.”

“Alright,” Y/n said, “Gimme your recommendations.”

Settling back against the bench as if he meant to stay a proper while, Jamie ran through his index. He picked through the pleasant memories, stag parties and one emergency diverted flight that ended in a particularly rowdy five star hotel evening. None of those amounted to anything stacked up against one trip taken much earlier in life.

“Gotta go to the Anne Frank house,” he began to list off ideas, “It’s super sad, but you gotta do it. There’s a really good place nearby to get stroopwafel, gotta go there. Eh, a boat ride down the canal. The tour guides driving ‘em give you all these fun facts about the architecture and the history and stuff.”

Y/n listened, it was the first time she’d seen Jamie properly excited about something. He was passionate on the field, but this was a childlike joy.

“You do remember there’s a match, right?” she laughed, “I’m only gonna end up having, like, one night.

“Then fuckin’ pack it in,” Jamie shrugged and gestured ahead of them like the country was laid out before them, “It’s Amsterdam.”

Y/n raised her cup to take a sip, “How do you know so much? You’ve really been that many times?”

“My mum took me when I were about 16,” Jamie answered, “Took me to all the historical sights and stuff. Guess it all just stuck.”

“Hm,” Y/n nodded, “What about your dad?”

What prompted her to ask, Y/n couldn’t know. She’d noticed that Jamie’s mother came up in conversation sometimes, but his father never did. Her subconscious curiosity had gotten the better of her.

Jamie felt his chest tighten at the mention of his dad. Y/n couldn’t have known anything about their relationship, he knew this. He just wasn’t sure how to reply when it was a subject he didn’t want to pick up. At all.

“Not really a thing,” he chose the safest answer, “He took me before me mum, but…wasn’t nearly as fun.”

Y/n watched his expression shift, how his eyes went from watching his fingers slide over his paper cup to the air in front of them. How Jamie was always fidgeting, but was now doing it with purpose. Worse, she recognized something about all of it.

“I’m sorry,” she backtracked, “That was way too personal, I shouldn’t have-“

“No, it’s-“ Jamie quickly held up a hand. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel bad for her innocence. “It’s fine. He’s just a,” Jamie shook his head, “Fuckin’ asshole.”

Y/n gazed down at her tea, sensing there was more that he wanted to say. Looking away not only saved her dignity, but it allowed him some quasi-privacy to say it.

“What about your folks?” Jamie finally looked back at Y/n, nudging her elbow a little.

That was worse, Y/n decided. Far worse.

“Uh,” she stalled, there was no choice but to answer, “We don’t really talk, to be honest.”

“Why not?” Jamie didn’t hesitate to ask.

Y/n inhaled deeply, blowing the air out with puffed cheeks. It was a piece of her history that she’d left in America, sending it into silent submission the second she stepped foot in London.

“We just…” Y/n shrugged, “Don’t have a relationship. Never have.”

Jamie’s brows dropped in confusion, “What’re you, like, adopted or somethin’?”

“Nope,” Y/n’s lips popped around the syllable, “They’ve just…never had any interest in their kids. Me and my sister, we kind of raised ourselves.”

“Fuck,” Jamie muttered, realizing he had definitely dug too deep. It was too late to back out though, their secrets were spilling themselves out. Better to lean into it than try and patch the all too massive leaks.

Y/n bitterly chuckled over her tea cup, “Yeah.”

Jamie absorbed what she said, leaning on his knees now. It was like he had to take a defensive position up a past that was nowhere near, yet all around him. If Y/n was going to be honest, the least he could do was match it.

“My dad and I,” he started, picking at a loose corner of the cardboard around his cup, “We kinda got in a fight. Earlier this year.”

Y/n turned to face Jamie, thinking he meant an entirely normal type of argument.

“Came back to the locker room after we lost a match,” he continued the story, “Talked a bunch of shit. Got ugly and…” Jamie hesitated, his fist feeling the phantom pain of the confrontation, “Yeah…”

Y/n’s lips parted in gentle shock, he didn’t need to finish for the meaning to come across.

Jamie could feel her eyes resting on him and found the strength to meet them. The tight smile across his face didn’t match the story, but it felt necessary. He sat back, hating the silence they were wading in.

“My parents never yelled. Not because me and my sister were perfect angels or anything, but…they just didn’t care enough to get that emotional,” Y/n admitted before she could even realize the vulnerability in which she said it with, “I mean, there was nothing we could do to even get them to pay attention to us. No recitals, no science fairs, no achievements…nothing. So long as they kept a roof over our heads and kept us breathing, they felt they were doing enough of a job.”

Jamie scoffed, bitter for both of them. “Me dad couldn’t be bothered to show up to any matches. Not when I were a kid.”

“What about when you went pro?” Y/n asked.

“Only in Manchester,” Jamie answered, “Screamin’ at me on and off the pitch that I were doin’ it wrong.”

Y/n traced the curve of Jamie’s jaw with her eyes, watching it clench. He made sense. For the first time since they’d met, he made total sense. You couldn’t go through a childhood like his and not come out with something to prove.

Their conversation became an exchange. One would share and, to make the other feel not so vulnerable, the other would chime in. “Once me and my sister could cook for ourselves, get jobs,” Y/n countered Jamie’s revelation, “My parents were even more done. It’s the main reason I came to England. To get away from them.”

Jamie was fully engaged now, his body turned to face Y/n as she matched his honesty. He knew all about running away.

“I worked so hard in school to get As, extracurricular stuff, anything I could,” Y/n gestured to the air with her cup, “So I could get out.”

“Yeah,” Jamie interjected, his memory sliding back to mornings before dawn spent on the pitch near his childhood home. He’d been just as relentless then as he was now. “Can’t tell you how many fuckin’ hours I spent just…tryin’ to get good. Tryin’ to do something he couldn’t touch.”

Whatever tolerance Y/n and Jamie had start with had long since morphed to a sort of comfortable acquaintanceship. It felt like, without ever moving from their bench, they had made some grand leap into kinship. They were both members of a club neither of them had asked to be in. With their shit spilled out on the ground before them, there was so very little left for them to hide.

“Y’know they’ve never visited me?” Y/n said softly, catching the shock on Jamie’s face out the corner of her eye, “Not once. I’ve been here since I was eighteen…not even for my graduation.”

Jamie watched with sadness as Y/n tried to hide hers. Once they found one another, it felt like there was nothing else to do but…laugh. It was one of those, this is our life laughs. Here we are, our families don’t love us, and it’s not right but here we are. Gentle and faded, but still unbelieving.

“Think we did pretty good,” Jamie said, “Yeah?”

Y/n’s smile came back, she’d allowed Jamie to cross so many of her self-drawn lines and she’d believed it had simply been out of convenience. No, there was something about him she’d only ever recognized in herself. Resilience. “Resentment’s a tremendous motivator, isn’t it?”

Jamie smirked at Y/n, wondering how he’d gravitated towards her knowing just the best, only to find out they had the worst in common. They were both a little broken, and it certainly felt better to be broken with someone else than by himself.

“I’ll drink to that,” he smiled, the two of their paper cups knocking into one another.

————————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @mentalistfan

[clovers-housetree]

Baby Steps: Drinking Water!

This is the first installment in a series of posts I'd like to do expanding on some of the things I've talked about here (which- blew up by the way??? thank you all so much??? <3) and here!

Long intro/backstory to this post series below!!

I often tend to immediately tense up at the thought of handling a big upcoming project or tackling something I've procrastinated on or neglected to do, even adding things to my daily routine like brushing my teeth or wearing my retainer- even drinking water, since I've spent a majority of my time in my room just sitting, over the past few years.

I know I have different little posts 'n' such that talk about these things already, but I want to expand on things and get a little more in-depth on advice and things that have worked for me and helped me out!

This series is separate from everything else, though I'll probably list more things in other "regression activity lists" or scenes- You might see some of the same content in multiple posts, is what I'm trying to say- but I do that because different things work for different people, and I know regression in particular isn't all sunshine and rainbows for everyone. I want to try to appeal to a wider audience and learn more from the community, be a bigger part of the community so I can help people out, because that's something I enjoy.

My regression in particular is voluntary and solely for stress-relief, so to me, I kinda feel like I only know surface-level things about it, although I've been doing my research.

There may not be that much to it anyhow, I just-

I just wanna help people as best I can, I think. ^^; Which is why I'm so intent on interaction and explaining that I don't know everything but that I want to learn, so that I can help y'all out.

Anyway!!

★ This will probably be a repeat bullet point in this series, but if you have a device that can set alarms, maybe a timer of some sort- any kind of time-keeping device that dings in certain intervals, I'd recommend using it.

Alarms on your phone, timers, any little reminders you can make to help you with the things you struggle with, if you're like me and stuck sitting a lot or don't do much during the day (or are the complete opposite and do so much during the day) that you tend to neglect taking care of yourself.

★ Fill up or grab a water bottle whenever you start your day or are about to do something, and keep it with you! This way if you do end up thirsty, you don't have to stop what you're doing and worry about getting water, you'll already have it on you!

When it gets empty, that's what you've got your reminders for! Maybe every half hour or so to check how much water you've got and if you need to refill, or maybe make something as a reminder once the bottle's empty to refill, just so you've still got water and don't have to go back and forth to fill up a cup so often.

★ You could also put ice or fruit in your water! Different shapes or sizes, and whatever fruit (or veggie? I've heard cucumbers taste good!) you want if that sounds yummy! I like my water with lemon sometimes. -w-

I'm not recommending any sort of flavoring or those Cirkul water bottles with the flavor pods because I'm not sure how healthy or reliable they are, or how much sugar they have, stuff like that. If anyone has any info on those sorts of things they use and would recommend, please feel free to share!

Edit: Check the notes, we've got insight! Thank you to everyone for their input!! :3

★ You can customize your water bottle, sippy, bottle, bowl (for the pets!) with whatever you want! Maybe stickers, maybe a straw, you could get one with your favorite characters on it- make it fit and customizable so it works for you, have fun decorating it and make it something appealing to the eye so it might get you to take a sip!

If you have any other tips, feel free to share! ^w^

Know that I'll always be here for you if you need me, and I'm very proud of you for trying!

"Fluttershy protects this blog! SFW interaction only, please and thank you! ^w^"

"Wouldn't show a kid? Doesn't belong here!"

[enmmyheavenscg]

GREETINGS !

Hello everyone, it’s been a while, no?

I’m sorry for the inactivity, but I have not been in the best mental state im afraid.

TW FOR SUI MENTION, CHILD ABUSE [neglect, physical & emotional] , SH, HOSPITALIZATION, HEART ATTACKS & INCEST

Now through out the entire month of June, my mental health has gone downhill. I have shared this a couple times, yes but- I have not shared the full story.

On June 1st, my brother had recently gotten out of the hospital, during the time I had been living with my grandma. My grandma is absolutely horrible- she does nothing but make comments about me aswell as make me uncomfortable.

when my brother had gotten out and I was recently back home, all the attention had been on him- usually, I wouldn’t care and that would make the most sense, Yes but- to completely ignore your own kid- me. It’s the whole family that’s been ignoring me overall, which I don’t even care, it’s been like this my entire life and I hate it.

My mothers behavior hadn’t changed, she had even gotten worst, she’d raise her hand and hurt me- she does not understand how her actions affect me, and after she physically lays her hands on me she acts as if nothing had happened and that everything was normal. Her comments about my body, my health- my everything affects me and she finds it oh so ‘hilarious’ I’ve tried to tell her how I feel and she’s laughed in my face before- I hate this family in everyway.

The worst thing that had happened was when I happened to have a heart attack in call- and she brushed it off like it was nothing- we had also just recently been driving back from the hospital because my brothers stomach was hurting- wow because a kid having a heart attack is less important than a stomach ache-

I don’t mean to be selfish im just ? Angry with her, Angry with the whole world. My body is always in pain yet nobody could ever care, im always suffering . I’ve tried to end it 3 separate times and failed, I’ve relapsed multiple times aswell. I’ve been little so often it makes me feel guilty, Yes I know I’ve said before- ‘there is no such thing as being too little’ but I genuinely want to be big for once- I’ve had to mask being big multiple times and I just hate it, i wanna be a little kid. I want my childhood back. I want my old happy self back, nobody understands me- I don’t even understand me, dude.

June 25th- my brother had been in the hospital again during this time. He’s currently on the day Im writing this (July 10th) out of the hospital! He had been since July 1st. He had been in the hospital for a while during this time but- on June 25th I was heading to my cousins house, Finally. As much as I had fun there I was also extremely

Like- EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

My cousins were there- my cousin who forced me into a relationship with her, made me do uncomfortable things with her was there.. and so was my younger cousin, my younger cousin who would touch me in places I asked her not to, unlike the older cousin, I had genuinely told my mother that my cousin was touching me in places I didn’t want. My mother didn’t believe me, she used to be like ‘oh she’s just a child, she doesn’t know better’ which was just disgusting.

June was just. Absolutely horrible, if I had the chance once again, Id truly end it all. It’s not fair, why does everyone hhab it good but not mme I deserve to be happy, Don’t I?

I’d truly start a fundraiser for myself so I could leave this house but, im stuck here. There is no way in hell I could possibly leave- perhaps when im 18, I’ll have the chance to.

But but- this whole post isn’t about me pitying myself, it is about me taking a break.

I will be going on break Yes, I’ll mostly be on in discord, just won’t be speaking to people much, if you decide to check up on me in discord I’ll probably reply, apologies if not.

I wont be away for long as much as I’ve gone through a lot, I’ll probably take a couple days

I mite take like .. 5 days (on discord and all my social media..) and be back. PLEASE. Please try and reblog this if you can.

Remember to stay safe everyone and that i love you all !

This is Emmy signing off ! Bye bye ! 🩵

[vesperxtine]

tw suicide

it’s incredibly embarrassing to survive yet another attempt and proceed to get stared at by doctors in inpatient for like.. two weeks? naloxone is a godsend and was partial to what saved my life, but it shouldn’t exist for me specifically ._. Also wow I’m not super happy to be discharged and find out Trump won the election. forgive me for updating you guys that I’m, in fact, not dead, with a hint of humor, it’s all I have, really. I feel like this is the worst I’ve been in my entire life. And yet I’m still here despite everything. Happy to know that if my family is in a dire situation, the ambulance hub a meter from my home would act quickly.

Anyway, all seriousness, I give you my update. I apologize that because of everything, my mind and consciousness is faltering. My brush with death and time away allowed me to reflect on a lot. I’m still hurt, traumatized and angry. But I suppose it’s worth it to relay some final messages..? Clear the air? Mostly regarding the situation once again because I can never escape it, really.

to start, I didn’t try to commit suicide as a ruse to make people feel bad for me. October was a horrible month for me, and with things being taken out of my own hand and will, I found myself passively attempting suicide just to numb myself. I had continuous nightmares and crippling loneliness, and with being threatened by anonymous users here that they were going to come to my house and r**** and kill me, I was terrified! Even before, I don’t even think I spent a mere moment of this month sober. Originally I did want to say I was just dead and leave it at that so people would no longer stalk me, but found myself in a real, dire situation not too far after.

no. I am not behind the “addressing-Creeperchild” account. That’s not me. After Freddy and I cut ties, I’ve since ceased talking about him other than making a few vents or responses to him. I did assist the account and admin group and technically had access to the account as an “admin” but I quit long before they even released the first document on him. So no, none of it was me. One of the major admins from what I was told kicked everyone out over my hospitalization. I’m uncertain if another account to talk about Freddy will be made, but just know that it’s not me. All of this is why I was close to death to begin with, and have since no interest bringing it back to topic. I sincerely ask everyone to stop sending me messages about Freddy or to stop threatening to kill me and my family, please..? My mother has enough fear in her life.

And finally, to Freddy, I forgive you. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I know in your mind, it may be entirely black and white to you, and honestly it was for me too. You hurt me a lot, and used a lot of my reactions to you as “evidence” of abuse. It hurt me. And it wasn’t fair to me. I know my uncertainty and lack of confidence in relationships hurt you too, but I hope you can learn to break the cycle that was notably continuous for years, because it hurt to learn you lied about me and made fun of my disability. But, I know on my end, I’ve reacted irrationally, and I understand it can be hard to deal with from time to time. It’s not easy living the life as either of us, as far as I am aware. I know I matter not to you, so I know you won’t generally strive to be better for me, so please. Strive to be better for yourself and your friends you now have. Learn to take criticism, manage your jealousy, understand that you love your friends and partners unconditionally. You cannot love someone and resent them for not being able to return it to your expectations. Everyone shows it differently, you are not being discarded or neglected. My love language is quality time, so spending time with you each and every day was me showing my undying love for you. Sorry it wasn’t enough. I have removed my videos on you, and forgive you on behalf of what you’ve done to me. But I regret to inform you that I cannot forgive you on behalf of what you’ve done to other people. So anything else said about you is not my responsibility , nor was it really to begin with. And I apologize. Though understand we both did an insane amount of damage to both of our reputations due to the wrong people hearing of both sides. I am trying very hard to do better, so please, Freddy. Do better too.

and no matter what, in spite of it all. A place in my heart will always be yours. As a friend, lover, enemy and now stranger.

I sincerely apologize to everyone who was scared, confused or whatever emotion it may be. I really wanted to leave this world and cease the pain and deep pit in my heart, had I not been saved by my family’s quick reaction, I would very much be dead today. Hell, I’m still recovering from it all, both mentally and physically as it hasn’t been too long since my last attempt. I wake up today with physical and mental scars that I inflicted upon myself and my family, and I thank everyone who was patient with my mom and my sister when they were frantic.

will I ever come back and post regularly again?…. Probably not. As someone with a mental illness often stigmatized, it’s hard for me to continue to exist online, hell, it’s even hard for me to exist in real life. Losing my old friend group, getting assaulted with a pregnancy scare, losing my father, losing my fiancé and trying to die but coming back to now trump getting elected? God. It’s a lot. It’s really a lot and I’m just very tired. I’m gonna rest. And when I’m better, I want to focus my energy towards fighting for my country and regaining my rights as a queer biracial woman.

thank you, and good night.

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

General HCs on what is like to be Black Mask's parnter? And the man himself too? Thanks <3

Black Mask Romance and General HCs

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. Time to brush your man up and out of the dumpster, friend!

TW: Unhealthy/controlling romance dynamics, BDSM, violence, smut

Trust Issues. Roman had a lot of things happen as a kid due to parental neglect and was constantly made to "toughen up" via double crossing or outright emotional abuse by his family. Then his previous partner abandoned him after he went to the criminal life. He has SO MANY trust issues that you'll either double cross him, poison him, something or other-

It feeds into a controlling nature he has concerning everything: Business, the underworld and now you! He wants to know where you are at all times, about your friends, your family. He's not such an asshole that he would tell you who to see and not see, but he has ways of making you unavailable if he decides he doesn't like someone...

Other people NEED to know that you are his. I briefly touched on this in the general kink post, but he would do the 24/7 BDSM aligned Master/sub dynamic with you in a collar if you were down. Public sex and fondling where his goons or underworld powers could see. If there's no collars, he's definitely marking you up. If you let his ego get away with cockwarming during a meeting, he'll do it. Honestly, if you don't set hard boundaries, he can and will get degrading during sex. Depends on if that does it for you!

If you DO set boundaries, though, he will respect them. Might take you telling him you're serious, but he will. Especially once he's fond of you and it's not just about sex. You potentially getting done with his shit and leaving is a threat he doesn't take lightly.

If there is any aftercare that needs to be done, he'll take you somewhere privately and make sure you're taken care of. It's probably one of the few instances you'll see a truly softer side where he's genuine, sincere and gentle. He knows the importance of fixing his things after breaking them down.

On more of a relationship standpoint, you'll be well taken care of with him. Nice clothes, fancy shit, but a strict budget on what you can ask for. And don't expect him to slip just for a pretty face. He used to work in cosmetics, he's seen beauty- it's fucking worthless and can disappear in an instant.

Be ready to be cool and collected when he loses his temper, something that happens more often than not. He'll throw things, knock goons on their ass, pull out a gun and threaten people- not you, doll, these FUCKING knuckleheads- he might fire a shot for proof into the ceiling. Hope you aren't prone to anxiety or anything!

That anger and rage does sometimes translate into the bedroom which can lead to some pretty passionate rough sex. You'll be sore after but by god, he'll make sure you're satisfied.

If anyone ever tries to fuck with you, they'll end up a bloody puddle. He'll make them suffer and let you watch and participate if you really want. If not, he's more than happy to have his fun on his own.

There's only a few things that are soft spots in terms of his life: His father, his mistake at Janus Cosmetics that caused hundreds of women to be disfigured and the failure of said company after, and his face under the mask. Don't ask about his face under the mask. As far as he's concerned, the ebony wood-metal combo skull mask that covers his whole head IS his face. You can see the outline of his burned lips just under the "teeth" of the death's head skull. He carved it from his father's casket and it became fused to his flesh after a fire during his first true criminal outing against Bruce Wayne/Batman. Sore subject.

You'll likely get caught up in his criminal business one way or another. Either to earn his trust in some way or by accident because uh hey babe, I don't mean to bug you but I'm kind of prison again-

Overall, it's never a boring time dating Black Mask.

[delusionaid]

HEADCANONS : click the link to get some random headcanons for your muse.

Diluc is very good at using chopsticks. (Business trips to Liyue? I'm gonna give him a personal hc here and say Crepus forced him to learn how to eat with chopsticks when he was younger so he'd be able to do it as an adult. Diluc loathed it then but is grateful now.) Diluc almost drank the lethal dosage of caffeine once. (Boy has a thing for knocking himself out with drinks, apparently.) Diluc can play the guitar. (*Lyre) Diluc is smart but also very stupid. (I mean..) Diluc is a sleepwalker. (*TALKER. He's a sleepTalker. Kaeya can attest to that from the time he was new to the house and they had to share a room for a while. He usually says nonsensical or incoherent things, but it can be quite entertaining. He never remembers doing it the next day.) Diluc has one, very simple word that they cannot figure out how to pronounce. (I got this 3 times. Must be true. Want to guess the word?) Diluc desperately needs a hug but doesn't know it and refuses to ask for one. (Ok this is actually canon on this blog so well done.)

Wriothesley can play the piano. (I kind of like the idea, to be honest. It's hard to imagine what life with his "parents" looked like. I like both the version where it was really terrible living conditions and they were mostly neglected, but I also like the thought that they had to learn certain things and present a certain way in order to be "of value" to those they were "sent to". So some of them being able to play music could be an idea to play with.) Wriothesley needs a nightlight to sleep. (Hm, not sure about light, but I like the idea that he almost sleeps better when there's noise because he's always had that. First with his "siblings", then living in the street, then the Meropide, and even now the room around him probably makes noise all night long. Silence would be deafening.) Wriothesley's least favourite subject in school was Math. (shrug.png) Wriothesley could easily survive The Hunger Games. (I got this twice so it must be true. Grim.. but I somehow agree. There's some analogy to his life there, I think.) Wriothesley is smart but also very stupid. (WHY DO ALL MY MUSES GET THIS.) Wriothesley likes to eat straight coffee beans. (...Listen, we've all done strange things when hungry.) Wriothesley stole a lollipop at the checkout when they were 5 and they still feel guilty about it. (Nah, he earned that lolly.) Wriothesley is an ugly crier. (You know what, I'll take it. Most people are.)

Alhaitham is tumblr famous (Got this twice. For what I wonder?) Alhaitham is very willing to eat inedible things. (<.< Is this a slight against Kaveh's cooking?) Alhaitham is a dog person. (I disagree, he's a cat person. He likes that they're independent and don't want him to play with them 24/7.) Alhaitham sleeps in until noon. (I think he has, on occasion. He's not an early bird but he isn't (my) Diluc either.) It would not take much for Alhaitham to turn evil. (Literally canon every time he brushes some evil plot and rejects it only because it turns out to be flawed.) Alhaitham is great with kids. (...I mean. Depends on the kid.) Alhaitham has a diary that they write in with a glittery gel pen. (Fun fact, I think if he found a glittery gel pen that wrote really smoothly, he'd use it. Like who cares that it glitters if it's personal notes, the writing experience is pleasant. But he's not going out to buy glitter gel pens specifically.) Alhaitham needs a nightlight to sleep. (I wanna say.. used to need. Now he just sleeps in a bedroom with a window that lets in a lot of moonlight on most nights.)

tagged by: @apocryphis thank you! tagging: @voyagaer @liliavanrouge @dhabibi @nagareboshiko

[chrometheraptor]

do uour dragons have extensive grooming routines and if so... elaborate😁😁plees

Oooo okay this will be a fun one!!

Starting with my feathery guys!!

Wish kinda cheats and uses magic a lot to realign feathers and whatnot for preening but she does do it manually every now and then. It’s honestly a good thing she can use magic bc preening would be waaay harder since. Everybody she knew and loved is dead. And Moss certainly isn’t going to help her (he would have, once)

Zephyr mostly gets help from Kelp n Dustbowl for preening! Mostly it’s their wings that they need help with, they can get pretty much everything else on their own

For the furry guys!!

The most Dustbowl really does is use a comb and brush to get tangles out, she doesn’t really use products or anything. She gets annoyed with the fluff on the end of her tail bc it’s the longest fur she has and it tangles a LOT from dragging along the ground

Moss for a long time completely neglected taking care of himself, which includes his fur. He ended up reaaally matted for a while, but! He does take care of himself now! He’s similar to Dustbowl in that he really only bothers with brushing and combing, n sometimes Cove will help brush! I think every now and then he’d get some actual products. His fur is way curlier and bushier than Dustbowl’s so it needs a bit more care

For the scaly guys!!

Cove n Kelp are both sea dragons, so most of their care is just making sure to stay hydrated and soak in water so that their scales stay healthy! They might have some soft brushes they use every now and then though to get dead layers off of their scales?

This was very fun <33333333

[restwellsoon]

this is so cute! i hope you have a lot of fun writing! can i request daydreams with bakugou katsuki, and a praise kink, but you can decide if it's spicy or sweet bc i'll love either!

As I've been telling everyone you sent something in for this event, thank you thank you thank you for your patience, Nonnie!

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x F!Reader

/ Everything about Katsuki was hot as he gave in and sought out your full attention, taking a moment to break away from your hold to snake his arm around your waist. For the second time today, you found yourself beneath him.

Prompt: Praise kink, fluff

Warnings: praise kink, fluff, hurt/comfort if you squint, a bit of nipple play

“It must be exhausting being a good girl,” Katsuki commented, his fingers carding absently through your hair. Some movie rerun was playing in the background, but it lost your attention hours ago; the exact moment was when he walked through the door. It was more interesting to watch his chest rise and fall, to hear his heart beat only for you.

There were the usual kisses and hellos and everything else that was involved in missing the person you loved. It was only natural that the first matter of business was dealt with in the bedroom.

And now that the initial rush of his homecoming was over, there was only the two of you in bed. A thin sheet was all that covered your longing.

“It’s easy,” you told him, “when I’m doing it for you.”

Your answer didn’t seem to please him as his bottom lip tilted to a frown. “I’m sure it’s not,” he said. “I’m not the easiest to love. This isn’t the easiest life to live.” The biggest house, the nicest clothes, the finest foods–he would give it to you all, and it still didn’t feel like enough.

Pulling yourself away from his chest, you asked him what was wrong. “I don’t think this conversation is going to where I thought it would,” you mused. 

Your eyes searched his for an answer, and he gave it in the squeeze of your hand. Katsuki’s lips brushed against your fingertips, nose grazing against your knuckles–this softer side was only for you as his features turned to honey-gold and ruby with the sunset that drifted in from the blinds.

“It’s not,” he said plainly. “This last mission just…” He trailed off, trying to search for the right words. He could show you how much he loved you every moment of the day, but saying it was something else entirely. You learned to be patient.

“It just had me thinking,” he finally admitted, “about us, about you.”

He pulled at his hair in frustration, “Fuck, it really is harder to say it than do it.”

Everything about Katsuki was hot as he gave in and sought out your full attention, taking a moment to break away from your hold to snake his arm around your waist. For the second time today, you found yourself beneath him.

You melted under his gaze, his touch as intense as his looks. A trail of his heat guided his touch as he tried once more between kisses. Katsuki was the persistent type.

“Stop being so good to me,” he said with a nip to your collar.

“So good for me.” 

“So–”

You couldn’t hear his last words, your breath hitched and back arching as his tongue swirled against your nipple. His free hand made sure the other wasn’t neglected, giving it a gentle pinch to prove it wasn’t forgotten. Your response to everything that he said was a contented sigh.

Before he went further, Katsuki said one last piece, “I know that everyone wants a love like this and someone like you, so thank you–for being a good girl and even when you’re a fucking brat. I’m so lucky to have you.”

A Token of Sleep | event / Bakugou Katsuki's Masterlist / Rest's Main M.list

[boldlyvoid]

Put On The Red Light | Part One

18+ Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: When Eddie's long-lost cousin, Roxy, shows up on his doorstep, he must accept that his whole life is changing once again.

Warnings: angst, anxiety, jealous Eddie, sexuality crisis, insecure Eddie, parental issues, implied/referenced parental abuse/neglect, background Vickie/Robin, Will/Gareth, Wayne/Mr. Clarke

word count: 9.9k

masterlist

A few loud knocks on the front door rip him from his slumber, he turns to his alarm clock to see it's after 1 pm, Wayne should be home to get it… But the knocks keep coming, more frequent and needier than ever, forcing him out of bed. 

He tumbles down the hall with a groan and his eyes still closed, he rubs his face on the walk to the door and opens it with a sigh, “what?” 

He’s expecting it to be Dustin or Max, or Steve maybe… Not a beautiful woman. 

“Oh, um, hi,” she waves. “Does Wayne Munson live here by chance?” 

He shakes the sleep from his face and blinks at her a few times, registering that she was real, he nods. “Yeah, why?” 

“Is he here right now?” She stands on her tiptoes and looks past his shoulder and into the trailer. 

“No, he’s not… once again, why?” He steps back so she doesn’t bump into him while trying to get a look inside, and all she does is walk into the trailer through the gap between him and the door. “Hey! You can’t just walk into my house? Who are you?” 

“I’m apparently Wayne Munson’s daughter,” she explains, looking around the room at everything, “let me guess, you’re his other kid?” 

“Woah, woah, woah,” both his hands go up in defence, he is too tired for this shit. “What are you talking about? Wayne doesn’t have any kids?” 

She turns to him with her hand out, ready to shake his, “sorry, I’m Roxy… well, Roxanne but everyone calls me Roxy.”

“Hi… I’m Eddie… Edward,” he takes her hand delicately but she grips his tight. “Munson as well…”

“Nice to meet you,” she gives him a beautiful smile, it’s almost like looking in a mirror. 

They shared a lot of similar features, dark curly hair being one of them, which is funny seeing as Wayne is balding. She’s way too pretty to be Wayne’s kid. And if she is, that makes her Eddie’s cousin and now he thinks his cousin is pretty… he drops her hand and pulls away.

“My mom reportedly fucked a man named Wayne Munson back in ’66, she never saw him again and never knew where he lived to even track him down and tell him that she was having his kid. So I’ve tracked him down and now I’m here and I want to meet my dad.” 

He laughs at how crazy it is, but it sounds about right, “uh, well, I’m his nephew but he basically raised me so, I mean, I kinda feel like his son?” 

“So we’re cousins,” she beams a smile at him, “I’ve always wanted a cousin!” 

“Yeah, I suppose so…" he can’t believe it either. “But, uh, Waynes not here as you can see, and I don’t know where he is but you can stay and wait for him?” 

“Okay, cool,” she smiles again, turning back towards the wall full of mugs and hats and getting closer to it. She examines it carefully, “so, is it just you two here? He doesn’t have like a wife or anything?” 

“Nope, just us… I uh, I’m going to change,” he references down to his bare chest and ripped pyjama bottoms.

“Okay,” she doesn’t mind, she barely pays any attention to him, instead she’s looking through Wayne’s things on the walls. 

Back in his room he hops into his jeans like a maniac, throws on some deodorant and a new shirt, brushes his teeth and fixes his hair and then it really hits him. “She’s your fucking cousin dude, chill out.” 

He heads back into the main room full of shame, she’s moved on to the tv cabinet to look at all their tapes and movies, “I’m actually late for something, but uh, I guess feel free to stay here? There’s nothing worth stealing so, even if you’re lying I don’t think Wayne will care that I left you here.” 

That makes her laugh, “I’ll watch over the place, have fun, cuz!” She gives him a wave and a smile, one that looks a lot like Waynes. 

“Thanks…” he gives her a small wave back and all but runs to his van. 

He doesn’t care where he’s going, he just needs to drive. His mind was completely warped by the knowledge that he had a secret cousin and she was about to infiltrate his life. Wayne, his Wayne, had a daughter. She was Wayne’s blood and much more so than Eddie is, he’s just Waynes brothers kid. He can’t help but worry that having a daughter is going to change Wayne’s life and Eddie will be slowly replaced by the child of his own that he always wanted… 

Somehow he ends up parked at Family video, right beside Steve’s car, like his body knew what to do to make him feel better before his mind did. 

He heads inside quickly and makes his way right to Steve, “you’ll never fucking guess what just happened to me.” 

“What did you do?” Steve smirks, knowing by the ghostly look on Eddie’s face that it’s something embarrassing that he’s going to get to tease him about. 

“This pretty girl showed up at my trailer looking for Wayne and I was like half asleep and half naked and she just barged in and told me she’s my cousin?” 

“You have a hot cousin?” Steve exclaims, excited until he sees how Eddie’s not happy about it, “man, sucks to be you… is she still at your place?” 

“Hey,” Eddie points at him, “her being hot is not the point, dude, what if Wayne kicks me out so his real kid can come live with him? What if he likes her more than me? What if she moves to town and everyone likes her more than me?” 

“That’s a given, bud,” Steve teases him, placing a hand on his shoulder to pull him in for a much-needed hug. “I’m kidding, you’re going to be fine… as long as you don’t mind me hitting on your hot cousin.” 

“Can you shut up,” Eddie manages to smile as he hugs him back. Holding Steve with his chin on his shoulder, he felt a lot more relaxed than before. Steve always had this effect on him.  

“What's this about?” They hear Robin come barreling towards them from the back room. “I want in on a hug.” She all but tackles them as she joins in, “what’s going on?” 

“Eddie has a new hot cousin,” Steve teases, extending an arm around Robin to invite her in. 

“Seriously?” She looks up at Eddie from the middle of the hug. 

He nods, “apparently Wayne has a real kid.” 

“Oh shit,” she feels his pain, “does he know yet?” 

Eddie shakes his head and pulls away from the group hug, “she’s just in the trailer, I kinda ran when I realized she’s actually related to me and too pretty for me to talk to, anyway.” 

“So, she’s just in your trailer all alone?” Robin can’t help but laugh. “what’s Wayne going to do when he gets there?” 

—

Wayne walks into the trailer with his hands full of groceries, Eddie’s van is gone but there’s a figure pacing back and forth in front of the living room window, “hey, I thought you were— who the heck are you?” Wayne places all the bags on the counter and stares at the woman. 

“Hi,” she stands still and awkwardly waves at him. “I’m Roxanne, Roxanne Crutchstone, my mom is—

“Janine,” says with a gasp and freezes. His jaw dropped, and his heart beats double-time in his chest as he stares at the daughter of the woman he once loved. Albeit for one night, he felt a lot for her in those few hours they spent alone in the back of his chevy. And now he was seeing why. “You’re mine aren’t you?” 

She nods like her head is trapped on a spring, not knowing what else to say as her eyes bubble up with tears. “My mom didn’t know how to find you, she always told me about you, I always knew I had a dad who would probably want me and— and then I saw Eddie Munson on the news and I knew, I knew you’d be here. I knew you’d be my dad.”

He makes his way to her and wraps her up in his arms, he kisses the top of her curly head of hair and that’s when she starts to sob. She’s always wanted a dad. He holds her like a father, he smells like a dad would, and he’s kind and loving and completely hers from now on. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t know about you sooner,” he whispers against her hair. “But you’re welcome here all the time… where are you living? How’d you get here? Are you safe?” He asks as he pulls back, instantly concerned and in full father mode. 

“I took the bus into town a few days ago, I’m living at the apartment complex down by the hospital, it’s above the general store and post office…” she explains. “I’m taking a year off before I go to college, I thought I’d come live here and try and get to know you a bit?” 

“So you’ve graduated high school?” He beams, knowing she must be the same age as the older two girls Eddie hangs around with.

She nods, “just last month.” 

“Damn, you’re a smartie aren’t cha?” He teases, “Eddie didn’t until— wait did you meet Eddie?” 

She nods again, “he was here, he let me in, but he said he was late for something and didn’t mind leaving me here alone, knowing that I’m yours.” 

“Okay, good. He’s technically my brother's kid but I raised him so he’s mine—

“Eddie said the same thing,” she smiles, a lot like Eddie. 

“He’s my boy. And it’s important for you two to get to know each other and get along, he’s very special to me… you might hear some shit about him from the folks in town but I promise you, he is nothing but kind and wonderful,” he can’t help but protect Eddie too. “He was accused of some awful things earlier this year and he’s still getting over it, but I can assure you, you’re safe with him and his friends.” 

“He seemed really sweet… he was half asleep but he was nice,” she agrees. “But uh, that’s kinda how I found you? I figured that the Eddie Munson on the news was probably related to the Wayne Munson my mom slept with… and she was worried about me coming out here cause he might actually be a murderer… but, what really happened? Cause he doesn’t seem like he has a vicious bone in his body.” 

“I wish I knew it all, honestly, but a girl died in our last trailer and he ran 'cause it was terrifying and so—

“So he looked really guilty,” she sympathizes. 

“Extremely guilty… but then more kids from the school died in strange places, there was a huge earthquake, the lab in town took the fall and he was let off the hook,” Wayne simplifies it down to just one sentence. 

“That’s unfortunate, but at least he still has some friends, you said?” 

“He didn’t graduate on time like you did, so most his friends are still high school age but he has some his own, like Steve… he’s probably going to hit on you, just beware,” Wayne teases. “That boy is a walking flirt. With absolutely everybody.”

“Noted,” she can’t help but smile. 

“Gosh, you look so much like your mom but there’s also so much of Eddie,” he gestures to her appearance. “The hair, your big brown eyes, your button nose…” Wayne boops his finger on her nose with a smile. “wow.” 

“Mom always said I got my nose from you,” she shares fondly. 

“She’s doing okay?” Wayne can’t help but wonder. 

“Oh yeah, she’s actually moving in with her boyfriend now that I’m out of the house,” she explains. “I grew up just outside of Chicago, we lived with my nanny and pops the whole time…”

“Right, I remember,” Wayne can recall all the way back to that night, he was visiting Chicago for a concert, and she was having a weekend out with friends, one thing led to another and now here she is. “So, Roxanne? Is that what you prefer to be called?” 

She shakes her head, “no, everyone calls me Roxy, I’m more of a Roxy.” 

“Yeah,” he takes a look at her with a sweet smile, “come sit,” he moves them over to the couch again and sits right beside her. “Tell me everything, I want to know who you are.” 

It feels like a lot of pressure, but he’s so calming and fatherly that she opens up quite easily. “Where should I start, dad?” 

“The beginning,” Wayne smiles, tearing up a bit at the name he always wanted to be called. It wasn’t often Eddie called him dad, that was saved for high emotional moments… this was easy and new and everything he wanted. 

—

When Eddie gets back to the trailer, Wayne and Roxy are still sitting on the couch, deep into a story about Wayne’s childhood that he’s heard a million times. 

“Eds! You’re home,” Wayne extends an arm out to him, drawing Eddie into the living room. “You met Roxy?” 

“I did,” he gives her a sweet smile. “I see you’re getting along real well…” it hurts only a little, the way they’re bonding isn’t helping his anxiety that Wayne isn’t going to love him anymore now that he has a real kid. 

Wayne just shakes his head, staring at her with amazement, Eddie’s seen that look before when he’s performed with his uncle in the audience. Wayne loved her already like a real good dad should, he took her in instantly and as much as it killed Eddie to see, he knew Roxy deserved this. Every kid deserved a good dad and Wayne was the best. 

“Yeah, she’s awesome… you two should hang out when I head to work?” 

“I’d love to,” Roxy’s full of smile, more than willing to get to know her new cousin. 

“Which I’ve gotta get ready for,” Wayne glances at his watch and stands as soon as he sees the time.  “Roxy’s moved to town, she’s living over in the apartments downtown—

“Above the stores?” Eddie asks, he’s well aware of those apartments. He lived in one with his mom before she died. Before he had to move in with Wayne. They’re cheap and gross and he may not remember much from back then, but he remembers he hates it there.

She nods, “yeah, they’ve been remodelled recently, they’re really nice.” 

“I’m sure,” he replies, it comes out a lot snarkier than he anticipated. “Uh, if you wanted to hang out, my friends and I have a little pizza party every Friday night, if you don’t mind meeting a few more new people tonight?” 

“Yeah, I’m down,” she sounds actually really excited. “Wayne was telling me all about your friends, you have so many?” 

He nods, “yeah, been through hell and back together, it’s kinda hard to lose ‘em now.” 

Wayne pats his shoulder as he passes him, heading to the bathroom to get ready for work. Now it’s just the two of them. 

She stands up with a smile and smooths out her shirt, “is this an okay outfit to wear?” 

He nods, “yeah, I’m not going to change either, so…” 

“Cool… we’re cool, right?” She asks, she can tell somethings off. 

Eddie just nods, pushing the jealousy aside, “yeah, I’m good, it’s just weird for me. Y’know?”

She nods, “yeah, no, I get it, I’m sorry for just barging into your life.”

He shrugs it off and walks to the phone, “it’s cool, really… I’m just going to call Steve and give them the heads up that you’re coming… is there a pizza topping you want?” 

She scurries over to him with excitement. She moves like he does, weird and unbalanced, she jumps to him instead of taking a last step and rocks back and forth on her feet, “what do you usually get?” 

“Uh,” he’s a bit taken aback by how comfortable she gets with him so quick. He physically steps back too, “we get 3 meat lovers for the boys, a Hawaiian for Argyle, Max and El and a vegetarian one for Robin and Nancy… but we can throw in whatever as long as Argyle gets the order in time…” 

“Ooo, okay, I’m good with some Hawaiian, actually,” she smiles, surprised that someone else in his group liked it too. “Your group sounds interesting…” 

“They are,” he agrees, picking up the phone and dialling the number of the video store. 

She leans against the table and smiles at him before she sits on top of it, kicking her feet, she’s content being there. 

He isn’t. 

It’s weird having a girl he doesn’t know too well in his trailer after everything that happened last time. It was different when Max, Robin and Nancy were in his trailer after Chrissy… they were in charge and saving the day. They knew what was going on. Now he’s bringing an outsider into their group and she will never know what really happened that week in March. But she feels like family… probably because she is. Something in the way she smiles feels like looking in a mirror but he likes her a little more than his own reflection— 

“Family Video Hawkins, Steve speaking.” Eddie hears in his ear, drawing him away from his thoughts. 

“Hey, Stevie… Roxy said she’d love to join us tonight and she’s another freak who likes pineapple so tell Argyle to throw in a second Hawaiian,” Eddie can’t help but smile, he too liked pineapple on pizza, occasionally. It must run in the family. 

“Ew, okay,” Steve says as if he hates it but he’s smiling too, Eddie can hear it. “I’ll go next door and tell him in a sec.” 

“Sounds good, okay, I’ll see you in a few hours,” Eddie says instead of goodbye. 

“You will,” Steve doesn’t say goodbye either but they both hang up. 

“So… Stevie, huh?” 

He nods, “yep.” 

“Tell me about him?” 

“He’s my friend… one of my best friends,” Eddie says with a completely serious face and then his jaw tightens and he rubs his molars together to stay calm and collected. Steve was special to him. He didn’t have to explain that to anyone if he didn’t want to. 

“Okay,” she puts her hands up in defeat and hops off the table, “what are some other names I should know besides Argyle and Stevie?” 

“Uh, well,” he runs his fingers through his hair and wonders where to start. “So my 3 closest buddies growing up are Gareth, Jeff and Kevin, they’re in my band…”

“Oh, you’re a musician too?” 

Great, he thinks to himself. What else is she taking from me? 

He nods, “yeah and then Steve's best friend is Robin she’s cool, not sure if she’s going to bring Vickie or not this time they have a bit of a tumultuous friendship so, watch out for that one.”

“Sounds juicy,” she teases. 

He just nods, “and then Nancy and Jonathan are always there 'cause we have it at Jonathan’s parent's place, Joyce and Hop, he’s the chief of police, they have a new house here with a big basement we can use.” 

“That’s cute!” 

“yeah and Jon's brother Will has a gaggle of friends too, they’re 15, very rambunctious and too many hold on,” he counts on his fingers, “Will, Dustin, Lucas, Erika, Max, Mike, El and… yeah no, that’s it. There’s 7 of them.” 

“Holy shit?” She can’t believe it. “And you guys are cool having kids around?” 

He shrugs, “they’ve been through some shit, they’re not really as immature as you’d expect a bunch of 15-year-olds to be.” 

“Well, I’m excited to meet them,” she beams a smile at him. “Thank you for inviting me, it means a lot to me… I know it must be really strange to just have a cousin all of a sudden when it’s just been you and Wayne for so long, but I think it’ll be nice for us to get to know each other too.” 

He nods, “yeah, its no problem, really.”

“Don't let it become a problem,” she whispers, keeping her voice down so it doesn’t get to Wayne. “If you have any issue with me at all, ever, just let me know. Please? You’re special to my dad and I want to have a good relationship with you too.” 

He lets his walls down then, he sighs and nods, “okay… yeah, I’m a bit worried that I’ll lose him now that you’re here but I can see you’re pretty cool and normal so—

“You absolutely don’t have to worry,” Roxy assures him. “I’m not taking him from you, I just want to experience what it’s like to have a dad.” 

“And who the hell am I to get in the way of that?” Eddie manages to laugh. 

She opens her arms and looks at him cautiously as she moves in closer, “are you a hugger?” 

“Yeah,” he smiles, opening his arms in return and taking her in for a quick hug. She’s about as tall as he is, she rests her chin on his shoulder and holds him tight. 

“I always wanted a brother, too…” she says as she pulls back. 

“A sister sounds nice,” he teases. “Just don’t move in and don’t touch my things and we’ll be fine.” 

“Deal.” 

—

“You know, I’m actually really excited to meet her,” Steve admits to Robin as they’re locking up. He lets her outside first and pulls the door closed to lock it. 

“Why? ‘Cause she’s the only girl in Hawkins who doesn’t know you’re a total loser?” Robin teases, waiting at his passenger door for him to unlock it.

“They don’t think that. Only you do and I don’t really think your opinion matches the vast majority of women in this town...” he fights back, rushing to his car to get it because it’s fucking cold out and it only makes him meaner when he’s cold.

He hops in and reaches over to her door to unlock it and push it open from the inside. She hops in and throws her bag in the back. “Mm, well, I like to think I know women better than you do,” she reminds him.

“Whatever,” he grumbles, starting his beamer with a sigh. “But no, it’s not cause she’s new, it’s cause she’s probably a lot like Eddie… and you know, I always thought if Eddie was a girl then I’d date her… or if I was a girl then it would work better cause he wouldn't have to change.” 

She stares at him like he’s a complete idiot, “what?”

“You know, if you were a boy there’s a girl you’d want to marry?”

“Steve, I don’t have to be a boy to like girls, you know that?” She says it slowly so that he understands her. “You don’t have to like girls just cause you’re a boy…” 

“I know, but I like girls?” He reminds her, “very much I might add…” 

“I wish you wouldn’t,” she really doesn’t want to hear about all the things he’s gotten to do with pretty girls that she still hasn’t. It’s not fair. “But what I’m saying is, you could like boys at the same time. That’s very much allowed.” 

“I don’t think I do,” he purses his lips and shakes his head, making it convincing that he’s thought about it before and he has thought about it. A lot.

He does like men. Just one man in particular piques his interest right now. But he shouldn’t, Harringtons aren’t gay. So he says he doesn’t. Cause he can’t.

“Okay,” she drops it, “whatever you say.”

“Do you think I’m gay?” He looks at her with so much panic, just idling in the parking lot, he’s not moving until he gets an answer. And one that he likes. 

She shakes her head, “no. I think you have a crush on Eddie…”

Steve can’t say that she’s wrong so he doesn’t say anything at all. He accepts her answer and nods, “interesting.” 

He puts his car in reverse, places his hand behind Robin's headrest and looks behind them, peeling out of the parking lot as quickly as possible. He’s quick to leave downtown, Robin is quiet the whole time, just smirking away cause she knows she’s right and she knows it’s silent in the car right now because Steve is thinking about how she’s right. 

“So what if I did?” Steve asks, almost whispering he’s so scared of the words that leave his mouth. “What if I did have a crush on Eddie?” 

“Ask him out? It’s really a no-brainer, here, Steve.” 

He looks at her and then back to the road a few times, mouth agape and then his voice picks right back up. In that octave, he only uses when he’s stressed out, “really? Thats it? You’re not going to do a deep dive into my brain and find out why I’m crushing on a dude of all fucking people?” 

“Sounds like you’re asking yourself enough questions for the both of us inside that big head of yours,” she teases. 

He shakes his head with a sigh. “If I tell you the truth are you going to make fun of me?” 

“Probably,” she’s honest. 

He sighs again, more exaggerated this time. “When we were walking through the upside down, going to Nancy’s, Eddie gave me this speech about how Nancy ran after me so fast so she must be in love with me but… but what he didn’t know is that I also wanted to run the first time. I almost didn’t go back to help Nancy with the Demogorgon but I did because I loved her and—and he came back in for me when he didn’t have to. You two already came down, I would’ve been fine with you guys. He didn’t need to come down but he did.” 

Robin just smiles, “do you want him to love you?” 

Steve shrugs, “I don’t know… but I remember staring at him and feeling like I wanted to kiss him and then the earthquake happened and you started screaming for Nancy.” 

“Yeah it was action-packed down there,” she remembers all too well. “And you know, I think he wanted to kiss you too, especially when he was hot wiring the RV, you know, when he called you ‘big boy’?” 

He sucks in a deep breath and nods, “yeah… I remember.” 

“So you should kiss him,” Robin suggests again. 

“No,” Steve panics a bit. “No. What if I’m just getting confused again like when I thought I was in love with you? I can’t kiss him and ruin everything?” 

“I’m sure you won’t… Eddie isn’t straight, there’s no way,” Robin waves her hands out and then smacks then over her knees. “No way.” 

“But we don’t know that, do we?” 

Robin stares at him. “Really? Really?”

“What?” 

“I said the same thing about Vickie and you kept yelling boobies at me!” 

“I was right, wasn’t I?” Steve combats, not realizing that it proves her point. 

“Which means I’m right, right now! Eddie likes you back!” Robin shouts, “come on, man, you have to know that by now! I literally walked out to find you guys hugging in the middle of the store today? You have sleepovers and share secrets, he’s just as close to you as I am and he actually wants to kiss you, so kiss him!” 

“I can’t!” Steve shouts back. “I can’t ruin this and I ruin everything when I date people. I’m not dating him. Look at us! You never dated me and now you’re my best friend in the whole world, I dated Nancy and she felt trapped and lost and sad for a year and I never noticed until it was too late.” 

“It wasn’t your fault, you know that,” Robin reminds him. “She was balls deep in her trauma, it was almost a year since her friend died while she was busy sleeping with you and never heard her screaming for help. Thats a hard thing to grapple with but she did love you. You did help her through it, she told me how much it meant to her that you’d go over and cuddle with her all night when she was missing barb and how you went to Barb's parents house for dinner all year when you didn’t need to. You helped her dad around the house and even went to Mrs. Hollands' house for tea on your own… you were a good boyfriend it just wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay.” 

“But what if the same is for Eddie? What if it’s just a huge crush and not meant to be and everything changes?” Steve worries. “I love the way things are. If he knew I was crushing on him then everything would change and I don’t want anything to change again.” 

“News flash, dingus, but Eddie’s long lost cousin showing up out of nowhere is going to change things,” Robin points out. 

He groans as he pulls into her driveway, “I know… can we just drop it? Okay?” He places the car in park and takes his keys out of the ignition. “I’m not ready for things to change a lot again.” 

“Okay,” Robin drops it and heads out of the car. “But if Roxy’s anything like Eddie, I’m guessing she’s going to want a date with me before you.” 

“Doubt it,” Steve laughs, following her inside. 

—

Eddie brings Roxy to the Byer's place a few minutes before the party normally starts. Joyce loves her right away, she fluffs her hair and says “oh, how I’d kill for locks like this.” 

Only for Hopper to reply, “you did back in 64.”

She sighs and pats Roxy’s shoulder, “enjoy being young.” 

She laughs, “I will now that I might make friends… I never really had any back in Chicago.”

“My boys are really sweet, I’m sure you’ll get along with them real well,” Joyce assures her. “If you like video games and George Lucas movies then you’ll fit right in.” 

“I do,” she brightens right up. “I thought they sounded interesting just from their pizza orders, now I know I’m surrounded by other dorks, this is the best  day ever.” 

She makes Hop laugh from his recliner in the living room, “and we’ve got sports going in here if you get tired of it at any point.” 

“Only Steve and Lucas ever take him up on that,” Joyce teases. “He’s dying for more sports fans.” 

“I mean, I was on the girls curling team in Chicago…” 

“Curling?” Eddie repeats, “like the one where you play shuffleboard on ice?” 

She nods, “yeah and I was really good at it. My team was the regional champion.” She wanders into the living room after that and sits on the couch beside Hopper, “what teams do you like?” 

Eddie listens in for a second but then he heads more into the kitchen, Argyle is already home with the pizzas, he’s just making a salad to go with it all. Jonathan was on pickup duty, using Argyle's van so they all had a place to sit. El was at Mike's, Will’s down the hall in his room… the house is pretty quiet right now. It wouldn’t be for long. 

He stands at the counter beside argyle, “hey…” 

“Hey,” argyle gives him a smile. “What’s got you so glum, my dude?” 

He shrugs, “it’s been a weird day.” 

“Meeting your long-lost twin’ll do that,” Argyle teases. “Seriously, are you sure Wayne isn’t your dad too? You’re like identical.” 

Eddie manages to laugh, “yeah, I don’t think so unless Wayne’s taking it to the grave, I’m pretty sure his asshole brother is my father… but yeah, I see it too.” 

“I’d love to meet my own doppelgänger,” Argyle says with excitement. “It would be cool to see someone, specifically a girl someone, who looked just like me and now you’ve got that! It’s sick.” 

“If you think so,” Eddie huffs, resting his chin in his hand and leaning against the counter. “She’s a prettier, shinier version of me… everyone's gonna end up loving her more and I’m going to be alone again.” 

Argyle puts the salad tongs down and places his hand on Eddie’s shoulder instead, “it won’t be like that, man, I promise. You’re very special. What would we do without your songs and your jokes and the way you make everyone smile? Sure, she’s nice to look at but you’re you and that’s why we love you.” 

He gives argyle a side hug, “thanks, man, really. That’s very kind of you to say.” 

“Meant every word,” Argyle smiles. 

Just then the front door opens again and Steve’s familiar, “heey!!” Rings through the house. Both Eddie and Argyle head out to see him and Robin, entering the main room of the house and they see Steve’s jaw drop as he looks at Roxy for the first time. He goes right into Casanova mode, runs his fingers through his hair before he extends his hand to her and smiles, “hi, I’m Steve…” 

“Roxy,” she shakes his hand firmly and smiles back. “Nice to meet you… and you,” she turns to Robin and freezes, the same look that was on Steve’s face is now on Roxy’s as she looks at Robin. “Hi?” 

Robin smiles back, “so you’re the lookalike I’ve heard so much about.” 

“What?” Roxy doesn’t understand. 

“You and Eddie, you’re like twins,” She laughs, “although you are much prettier….” 

Roxy blushes and laughs, she tucks her hair behind her ear and stutters on her words, “th-thanks… thank you.”

“No problem,” Robin gives her one last smile and then keeps walking inside. “Is dinner ready? I’m starving!”

“Sure is! follow me,” Argyle leads her back into the kitchen and Roxy follows quickly behind her. 

Leaving Steve to walk up to Eddie and wrap his arm around him, “you okay?” 

Eddie nods, “yep. Just peachy.” 

They grab their plates and load them up with pizza and dipping sauces and salad, they have beers and sodas and chips for later when they’re hungry again. It’s the same every week, Joyce and Argyle will do anything to make sure the party is happy and fed and has a good time… they’re the best moms the party could ask for. 

In the basement, there are 4 mismatched couches and an array of other seats. Beanbags, a hanging chair thats secured to one of the log beams in the ceiling and a single plastic lawn chair… getting enough seats for everyone was hard. And now there’s 1 more person in their group.

Robin and Roxy take a seat next to each other, already getting to know each other, it makes Eddie relax a bit as he sits beside Steve. There’s a ruckus above them, meaning the kids have arrived with Jonathan and Nancy, and the party was about to really start. 

Steve can’t stop looking at Eddie, “are you sure you’re okay?” 

He just nods, “yeah… I just want to eat and say hi to everyone and then go home.” 

“Oh,” Steve's face drops. “Are you still feeling anxious? Do you want a hug?” 

He looks over to Roxy and Robin, talking just loud enough to be heard by one another and fully absorbed in another world together. Eddie puts his plate down on the coffee table and Steve copies him, opening his arms and letting Eddie in for a quick hug, “you can always talk to me.” 

Eddie pulls back a bit too quickly, looking over to Roxy again who didn’t see anything. She was already asking about Steve earlier, she already knew Steve was important to Eddie just by the tone of his voice… Steve’s so, so important to him. He just stares at Steve and it all comes tumbling out, “she lives in the apartments I grew up in… she’s living where my mom died, Steve.” 

“Oh,” Steve knows the stories. All of them. They’ve spent many a night awake in Eddie’s trailer, staring up at the ceiling with their shoulders pressed together… sharing a blanket and holding hands while they shared every secret they had. Well, all but one. 

“Do you want me to drive her home for you? I can tell her to only call me for rides and shit, you don’t need to go through that—” 

“You don’t have to,” Eddie panics more thinking about Roxy and Steve spending a bunch of alone time together too. “Really, don’t. I can do it.” 

“But if it's going to bring back your memories then you don’t have to, I’m okay bringing her home, Robin won’t mind… clearly,” he references over to them. “I haven’t seen her flirt like that before?” 

“She took a page from your book,” Eddie teases, bumping Steve’s shoulder with his own. 

“Yeah, and she knew I wanted to ask her out too…” 

“What?” Eddie’s heart breaks right then and there. 

“If it’s okay? I just… I thought maybe it would be nice cause she’s new and she doesn’t know me and—

“She has no preconceived notions about you,” Eddie finishes his sentence. “No, I get it. It’s fine.” 

It’s not. It’s really fucking not. Because here Eddie was loving every single part of Steve, every story and mistake, every fear and dream and freckle and hair on his stupid fucking head. But, of course, Steve wants something different. He wants to butter her up and embellish the truth about himself and go back to being King Steve… The lover boy of the land, he could have his pick but he still wants something shiny and new and he definitely doesn’t want Eddie back. 

He stands up then, “I uh, I forgot some napkins, I’ll be back.” 

“Okay…” 

Steve watches him leave, taking the steps 2 at a time until he’s back upstairs. He turns down the hallway and heads towards the bedrooms and the bathrooms where he bumps right into Will. He’s already crying, his face is red from trying to hold it in until he gets to the bathroom but he can't. He chokes on a sob as he pushes past Will and into the bathroom.

“Hey, hey, Eddie, what’s wrong?” Will follows him right into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. “What’s wrong? Is it a memory? A flashback? What is it?” 

Eddie just wraps him up in a hug and cries, “it’s Steve…” 

“Oh,” Will settles and holds him gently, running his hand over eddies back. “I know…” 

Will knows better than anyone in the house, hell better than anyone in the whole town, what it’s like to be in love with your sisters boyfriend. Its the exact reason why Eddie let Will follow him and why he’s able to tell him the truth. “He wants to ask out Roxy.”

“Who?” Will asks, not caught up on everything cause he’s been in his room all day. 

Eddie sighs and pulls back, wiping the tears off his cheeks and taking another deep breath. He leans against the sink, “my uncle has a daughter and she showed up today. Her name is Roxy and she’s pretty and a girl and of course Steve wants to date her.” 

“Boys are so stupid,” Will just shakes his head. “I was rooting for Steve, too… I thought he’d figure out that he’s in love with you but he’s still being so stupid about it.” 

“He’s worse than Mike,” Eddie manages to tease him, bringing a smile back to his own face. 

Will just nods along, “I literally confessed all my feelings to him… well, I was pretending that it was what El thought about him and the idiot didn’t see through me at all. He just nodded along and was like ‘oh yeah? Huh, I guess she does always need me’ like no idiot! I do!”

“I ran through a swarm of killer bats for him… I would’ve died so he could make it back to Dustin and he still wants my cousin more than me,” Eddie shares. “I thought we were building something here, I thought he was going to figure it out that what we have is more than just friends… friends don’t sleep in the same bed and share hugs and I know for a fact he kissed my shoulder one night. I didn’t dream that. So why the fuck is he going after my cousin?” 

“Does she look like you?” 

Eddie nods, “like exactly the same just with tits.” 

Will looks at him with a tilt of his head, “oh, Steve’s so dumb… he’s definitely in love with you and thinking this is his chance to be normal if he can just date the girl version of you.”

“You think?” 

Will nods, “absolutely… I remember when Steve was dating Nancy she looked so much like Tommy H. they had the same curly hair and freckles but Nancy is a girl, she’s the safe option and then he fell in love with her.” 

“How do you know that?” Eddie’s shocked, for a kid 4 years younger than Harrington, he sure knew the drama. 

“Jonathan had no friends before Nancy and Argyle so he would tell me everything and we gossiped a lot… he would hear crazy shit while smoking the weed you sold him under the bleachers and then he’d come home and tell me. Like, this one time, Carole was saying that Tommy wanted a threesome with Billy, but before he wanted one with Steve but Steve was never interested and it always made Tommy really angry and then a few weeks later they broke up and she said ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks Wheeler and the perv for a threesome next.’ So…” 

“Holy shit,” Eddie’s jaw drops and he chuckles slightly, “they weren’t kidding when they called you Will the Wise.” 

He shakes his head with a smile, “they weren’t… I get it from my mom.” 

“That you do,” Eddie smiles, knowing from Steve that Joyce and Nancy’s knowledge, in the beginning, is the reason they won in the end. “It’s just hard waiting for him to get his head out of his ass… even the thing with your brother was so homosexually charged.” 

“What happened with my brother?” 

“Did Jonathan leave out the part where he kicked the shit out of Steve so bad he had a concussion?” 

“I knew he threw a punch…” Will says, thinking back on it. He was only 13 when he went missing, of course, Jonathan held back on some stuff from that week.

“Oh, no, he kicked his ass,” Eddie smiles but feels bad about it. “Tommy painted Nancy the slut Wheeler on the theatre's matinee and they got in a verbal fight in the alleyway and Jonathan took the first swing and he finished it before the cops rolled in and took Jonathan away.” 

“Oh…” 

“It was a rough week, Steve egged him on, he deserved it,” Eddie can’t help but side with Jonathan after knowing the whole truth. Including what Steve called Will; it’s something he’s also not going to tell Will about. Everyone wanted to spare Will the hurt of knowing the names he’s been called behind his back. 

“Huh,” Will thinks about it a little harder. “Sounds like Steve uses violence to get close to men… didn’t you pin him to a wall and hold a bottle to his throat? Or did Dustin exaggerate that?” 

Eddie nods, “oh, yeah, I did that…” he presses his lips together awkwardly, it was a very intense, very hot, moment between them. He thinks about it often. 

“Maybe you need to have a fight,” Will suggests. “Not, like, physical, but get your feelings out, raise your voice, get in his face and wait for him to kiss you.” 

Eddie laughs again, “okay, alright… that’s not a bad idea?” 

“He just needs a push.” 

“What about Mike? You’re not actively trying to push him and El apart, are you?” 

He shakes his head, “no, no, I’d never do that to her. I love her, she’s my sister… I’m actually trying to get over Mike. I’ll just be single until I meet another gay person my age and then I’ll see where it goes.” 

“I know someone,” Eddie proposes. “You know him too… if you’re okay with me telling him about you, maybe he’d want to ask you out?” 

“Really?” Will lights right up. “And they’re 16?” 

“He’s 17…” Eddie says, not wanting to give away that it’s Gareth. He hasn’t told any of the new Hellfire members, only the band knows. 

“Yeah, no, I’d love that,” Will brightens right up. “That would be great.” 

“I’ll work on that for you,” he pats Will on the shoulder, “now come on, it’s gonna be weird if they see us leaving together.” 

“Here,” Will opens the cupboard behind the sink and grabs a bandaid, “I was just showing you where these are.” 

“Smart… and thanks, sorry for breaking down on you, it’s been a weird fuckin day,” Eddie sighs and heads for the door. “I never normally cry.”  

“No problem, it’s our secret,” Will really doesn’t mind, he follows Eddie out into the hall and then back into the kitchen unseen. 

Eddie pats his shoulder one more time before slipping past him and heading back downstairs to his dinner. His spot beside Steve is still empty, the kids are meeting Roxy and asking her all about how she found Eddie and Wayne after so many years. 

“Well, his name being in the news for murder was a big help… I always knew my dad’s name but I had no idea how to track down all the Wayne Munsons who went to some random festival in the mid-60s,” Roxy shares. “But Wayne told me it wasn’t Eddie at all, it was actually the lab here in town and a bunch of kids died? What the heck happened?” 

They all look at each other and shrug, playing it off that they had no idea. Dustin says they have no clue what the details are, “we’re just glad he got off the hook 'cause we would’ve been charged with harbouring a wanted criminal if not…” 

“And what a great job you did at that,” Eddie teases. “At least in jail I’d get clean clothes and 3 meals a day…” 

“We can find something to send you to jail if thats where you want to be,” Steve teases him, reaching out for his hand to tug him back down to the sofa. “Your pizza is getting cold…”  

“You wanna warm it up for me, hot stuff?” Eddie whispers, getting in his space and making Steve blush. 

He pushes Eddie back, “shut up.” 

“Make me…” 

Steve picks up Eddie’s slice of pizza and brings it to his mouth, all but shoving the slice in there, forcing him to take a bite. “there.” 

Eddie takes a big bite and Steve pulls the rest of the slice away, putting it back on the plate. Eddie watches him intently, he’s so madly in love it makes his stomach turn and flutter up to his throat. He was to look away or he’ll choke on the bite, he places his hand on his chest after, it took a lot to do that without coughing to death in front of him, and Steve noticed too. 

He placed his hand on Eddie’s back and patted him a few times like a newborn baby, “you good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he waves it off, slightly embarrassed. 

Steve keeps his hand on Eddie’s back and gently runs his hand up toward his shoulder, he gives him a good squeeze and pulls him into a side hug. Eddie tilts his head toward him and Steve does the same, the bump noggins and smile before turning back to everyone else. 

—

The kids usually sleep over in Will’s basement after their pizza parties, sometimes Eddie brings Max home but tonight she’s staying with El. Robin and Roxy are having a blast talking to each other and now Steve has slid into the spot beside her on the couch with his arm around the back of the couch, basically around her. 

“I’m going to head out,” Eddie announces, pointing towards the door. “Rox did you want to drive home with Steve? He goes past your apartment anyway.” 

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” Steve throws in for good measure, “it would be nice to talk to you, I haven’t been able to get a word in edge wise with Robin here.” 

“I would love that,” Roxy gives Steve a smile. “Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow though? Wayne invited me for dinner cause he has the night off.” 

“Right,” Eddie clearly had no idea. Steve could see it in his face. “Have a good night… see you guys.” 

Everyone cheers goodbye and he gets a few waves before he heads towards the stairs and starts his journey home. Alone. For the first Friday night in a long time.

“I think I’m going to go with him,” Robin announces, “it was lovely to meet you but I don’t want him to leave without me…”

“Oh, okay, bye Robin!” Roxy waves her off and then it’s just her and Steve and a bunch of children. “I guess we shouldn’t stay too much longer, that would be weird…” 

“We can go whenever you like?” Steve leaves it completely up to her. 

“Let’s go,” she stands up and reaches out a hand to help him to his feet as well. 

Steve takes it with a smile, she was just as chivalrous as Eddie… he says goodbye to the kids, Dustin pats his shoulder during their goodbye hug and whispers in his ear, “good luck, she’s cool.” 

“Thanks,” he mumbles back, “call me tomorrow if you need a ride home.” 

“Will do,” Dustin says, giving Steve and Roxy a smile and a wave. “Drive safe.” 

“it was so nice to meet you guys,” Roxy says one last time, “thank you for letting me come.” 

“Anytime,” a few of the boys say. “Come back next week,” Dustin adds. 

Lucas agrees too, “Yeah, and Max said she loved having another girl at the party now. She wanted me to say bye if she wasn’t down here when you leave, so, Bye from Max…” 

“Tell her in the morning I loved meeting her too,” Roxy gives them all a smile and one last wave, “see ya!” 

They wave her off and she follows Steve up the stairs, they put their shoes back on by the door and Steve hands her the leather jacket on the hook, expecting it to be hers. “Thanks,” she smiles. “Am I that obvious?” 

“You’re just a lot like Eddie,” he admits. 

“Which is crazy, honestly, no one at my high school was like me and now I come here and we’re like twins?” She says with a laugh, feeling a bit too loud as she looks over into the living room where Joyce and Hop are cuddling on the couch. “Oh, sorry… thank you for having me tonight, you guys have a lovely family.” 

“Oh, anytime sweetheart,” Joyce gives her a sweet smile. 

“You be careful on the road,” Hopper points to Steve, “the news is saying there’s a fog rolling in tonight so no dilly-dallying.” 

“Sure thing, dad,” Steve rolls his eyes as he opens the front door. “See you later.” 

“Bye guys,” Joyce calls back to them as they leave. 

Steve leads her outside towards his car and unlocks her passenger door, opening it for her. “Why thank you, kind sir,” she pats Steve on the shoulder and then gets into the seat. Steve closes the door behind her and rushes over to the driver's side.

“So, Eddie said you’re in the apartments above the shops?” Steve double-checks as he starts the engine. 

She nods, “yeah, it’s not much but I wanted a place close to my dad, even if he didn’t want me I still wanted to live here and get to know him.” 

“Wayne would never not want you,” Steve assures, “believe me, from what I know about Eddie’s childhood, Wayne is meant to be a dad and take care of people, he loves everyone in Eddie’s life just as much, too.” 

She smiles, “yeah, he talked very highly of Eddie… I’m still waiting for him to warm up to me.” 

“He’s kinda stuck in the mindset that the love people give him is conditional, he’s afraid Wayne will leave him for you,” Steve spills the beans. “Don’t tell him I told you, but, just keep in mind that Wayne has been his whole world for the last like 9 years of his life and he’s been through so much this year that he needs that one aspect of his life to stay the same… he can’t lose Wayne.” 

“I don’t plan on taking him,” she reiterates. “I really don’t, I just want to talk to him and celebrate a birthday with him and give him a fathers day present and hear that he’s proud of me… I want to feel like I’m part of a family that loves me for me.” 

“I get that,” Steve really gets it, actually. He lets everything go quiet while he backs out of the Byers driveway and heads towards downtown. “I uh… I’ve always known both my parents but I didn’t feel like I had a family before when it was just me and them.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and my grandparents but… they don’t get me,” she has to explain for good measure. “They weren’t abusive or anything it just wasn’t fun being there for the last 18 years.” 

“Well, you’re here now and there’s lots of love in our little friend group to go around, so,” Steve gives her a smile. “Speaking of… if you ever wanted to hang out just like, me and you, without the rest of them, that would be nice… don’t you think?” 

“Yeah,” she lights right up too. “I’m having dinner with Wayne tomorrow but I’m free the next night?” 

“Sounds good,” Steve can’t stop the smile on his face. “I uh, I work till 5 but I can get you at 6?” 

“That works for me,” she smiles right back. “You’ll have to pick the spot, I don’t know what’s around here.” 

“There isn’t much, but Benny’s diner reopened last month so if you like diner food…” 

“I have been dying for a good old diner burger,” she assures him. “This’ll be fun, I’ve never had good friends like this.” 

“It’s life-changing, believe me.” 

—

“and then he asked to ask her out?!” Eddie freaks out more towards the end of his story, parked in front of Robin's house while she listens to his ramble. 

Robin just sighs and leans back against the seat. “I never told you he was smart.” 

“This is killing me, Rob,” he turns to her with tears in his eyes. “She gets to call Wayne her dad, she gets to date Steve, everyone loved her as soon as she walked into the room… it took me years to get this and she got it all in 10 fucking seconds?” 

“I don’t know how to comfort you,” Robin admits. “On one hand I know this is just your anxiety about things changing again but on the other hand… I like her so I’m part of the problem.” 

“I don’t want people to not like her,” Eddie says with a sigh, he rubs his face quickly and groans from deep inside himself. “I’m overreacting, I know that, but it hurts. It physically fucking hurts that I have to share her with MY people. Wayne and Steve are my people.” 

“Okay, watch yourself,” she gets jealous then. “But Steve does love you, I know that, but he loves me too and he loves Dustin and he loves Max and Lucas and Erika… I’m not sure how he is with Mike honestly, it’s a toss-up, but he loves everyone. He has the room to love people. He’s been waiting to love people like this his whole life.” 

“I know…” 

“Do you?” Robin questions, staring him down. “Steve loves you so much he let me and Nancy kill vecna alone so he could stay with you two. And thank fucking god he did because I wouldn’t be able to deal with him if he lost you that day, you were being an idiot thinking you could take on those bats alone.” 

“He stayed for Dustin…?” 

Robin shakes her head, “No. He knows that Dustin knows how to follow orders and make it out fine. He stayed for you.”

A tear tumbles down his cheek and he’s quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand. “I just wanted to win.” 

“And we did,” robin reaches out and takes his hand in hers. “We won, Vecna died, the gates are closed and Hop came back to clear your good name. That’s the biggest win we could’ve ever expected…” 

“Is it really a win if it brought her here?” Eddie asks, feeling a bit terrible for how much he regrets opening the door for her. 

Robin nods, a smirk growing on her face, “what if she’s more like you than you thought?” 

“Hm?” His brows go up. “No way…” 

“You’re gay, Wayne has that thing with Mr. Clarke that no one wants to talk about… but I see it. I know there’s something fruity going on there, she’s gotta be like us,” Robin rants. 

“What thing with Mr. Clarke?” 

“Has Steve not told you?” Robin gawks, jaw dropped, “no… really?” 

“Clearly, I have no idea what you’re talking about?” 

“Mr. Clarke comes in and gets a movie every Saturday morning and Wayne drops the same VHS tape off Sunday before he goes to work… he brings it right to the desk too like I didn’t check it out to Scott the day before?” She explains. “Like, really…? it’s so clear they’re having dates on Wayne’s only day off.” 

“I’m learning way too much today,” Eddie rubs his eyes, shaking his head. “Holy fuck? Why didn’t he tell me?” 

“Dustin said their cots were side by side in the gym after the earthquake, he found them talking when you got arrested,” Robin keeps explaining, hoping she’s making it somewhat better the more he knows. “I think it’s either a trauma bond friendship or they’re dating. It’s been 3 months.” 

“I’m normally with Steve on Saturdays,” he whispers, realizing why he hasn’t noticed this… it’s cause he’s not home as often as he used to be. “Oh my god, I’m such an ass… here I am scared that I’m going to lose him when I’ve barely talked to him in the last 3 months?” 

“So maybe Roxy showing up is a good thing, maybe she’s meant to bring everyone together?” She suggests, eyes full of hope. And maybe she’s right… Robin typically is. 

“Okay,” he gives in. “I’ll give her a chance.”

General Taglist 

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Steddie

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[necr0lysis]

i like seeing posts in the autism tag that talk about being disabled. yeah that post about happy stimming is fun but look here's some information that might make someone realize they're disabled! because for me, like two years ago it wasn't "i'm struggling to do this because i'm disabled and i need some help with it" it was "oh yeah that's just another one of the things that i can't do for some reason. it'll probably screw me over one day but i can't do anything about it"

so here i give you a long (long does not mean extensive, there are a lot of other things i do not mention in here like my semiverbalism and dysphagia, these things also contribute to my support needs as well as the things listed below) rundown of what i struggled with in terms of taking care of myself. i would say in my childhood and early teens i was low support needs but still a child who wasn't getting help from adults and now i would say i'm medium support needs as an adult as moving out and coming out of a huge dissociative period + being in burnout for so many years caused regression. i definitely was more capable of living on my own in middle school than i am now.

TW: for talk about abuse, neglect, body fluids, disordered eating habits, mention of drugs, etc

how i struggle to care for myself

as a kid (ages 5-12) *being half way cared for by my mentally ill mother

toileting: delays in learning how to use a toilet and knowing when i have to go. purposely urinated in clothes when i did not want to stop what i was doing

brushing/washing hair: my mom would chase me around the house to get my to brush my hair. i absolutely hate the feeling of it and it would cause meltdowns often and my mom would end up hitting me with the brush asking why i was being so difficult. i was difficult because it hurts! we decided to cut my hair short "like ellen" as i said when i was a kid because it was turning into a huge mat every week that my mom had to work at with a huge comb and a bunch of conditioner. i am a cis woman and very shortly i had to move down to NC where nobody knew if i was a lesbian or a trans guy but god do they hate both of those types of people down there!!! but i couldn't take care of my hair so it stayed short until i was 18 and caused so many issues for me.

eating: meltdowns when i had to eat "real food" aka stuff that's not my safe food. delays in learning how to use utensils and got very angry when they said i couldn't eat with my hands

brushing teeth: very similar to hair brushing. i did not enjoy the feeling of brushing my teeth so my mom would tell me to do it and i just wouldn't. it didn't matter to me.

emotional/mental health: did not ever understand or talk about my emotions. would go outside and run down a hill with shorts on then halfway down i would let my legs give out so i would fall the rest of the way down and scrape up my hands and knees. did not know why i did that when i was younger now i know it was self injury stims because of emotions

appropriateness/responsibility: frequently got overstimulated by my clothes and walked around both the house and the neighborhood naked. i remember my neighbors calling the cops one time

teen years (ages 13-18): *being abused by alcoholic stepmother

toileting: was bothered by the sound of the toilet flushing and also it wasn't always safe to leave my room so i would have to pee in cups often :/ as i got older i started to feel ashamed of it but couldn't really do much about it

brushing/washing hair: my short hair was washed maybe once a month in middle school and once a week in high school. still never brushed. my hair has been thinning since age 14 and i honestly don't know if it's stress or malnutrition or something else but yeah my whole life i've felt like a very ugly Thing.

eating: from age 11 to 15 i lived in NC with my father and step mother. my father did nothing while my stepmother was very open from the beginning that the reason they did not feed me was because i was "acting r*tarded" and "maybe i would get some food if i started acting more like a human being". this was all kinds of fucked up and i realize that now but at this point in my life i hated myself so much i was like "yeah yknow what ur probably right. i don't deserve food"

brushing teeth: still could not brush my teeth (maybe did like once every two months) but wash feeling very ashamed and grossed out by myself. i learned that i had gotten so used to the feeling of texture on my teeth that it feels very weird and slippy and slimy if i brush my teeth to be smooth. this realization made me feel non human. like just so grossed out by myself but can't change it no matter what i try

emotional/mental health: still hurting myself during meltdowns and when frustrated. still did not really understand my emotions. i was given a depression diagnosis and an anxiety diagnosis so in my mind those were my only options when someone said "how are you" cus they tend to get annoyed if you always say i don't know.

appropriateness/responsibility: people in school would always tell me i'm talking about things i shouldn't say in public. it never made sense to me. i was very confident in my ability to move out and live on my own despite still not mastering skills that most people have down by age 8. silly me, i have learned a lot about what i can't do since trying to move out

recently (ages 19-20): *being taken care of by my amazing bf (i'm at his house about 20 days a month. used to be i spend half the week there then half the week here but i've been struggling so it's usually two weeks in a row then a few days home then back to his house for a week, etc)

toileting: i use the toilet every time but still sometimes struggle with telling when i need to go and will often not be able to tell until it is almost too late

brushing/washing hair: on days i'm home alone i don't do any hair stuff. it's painful and gives me anxiety and i don't wanna have to think about my biggest insecurity so when i am at my bfs house he body doubles in the shower with me so i am able to wash my hair about once or twice a week. brushing is still extremely painful so i usually just do after using my fancy conditioner and detangling spray.

eating: eating is difficult because of my trauma. i feel a sense of anti-hunger even if my body is screaming out in pain for food i can't register food as safe or something that i wouldn't want to engage in unless i am high. i do technically have a dependence as i can't stop or else i will be throwing up so much that i'd have to go to urgent care. but weed has helped my food aversion, my meltdowns and emotional reactivity. obviously it's making my adhd worse but i'm able to eat and have less meltdowns woo

brushing teeth: i now feel the opposite as i did when i was a teenager and i like smooth teeth HOWEVER my executive functioning is still bad enough that it doesn't ever get done unless my boyfriend tells me i should do it or i see him doing it and i am able to join it

emotional/mental health: i have meltdowns maybe 3 times a month. i bite and or hit myself probably every few days. my emotions are confusing and loud and i cannot contain frustration i NEED to feel pain or else i will start breaking things and yelling.

appropriateness/responsibility: i do not know how to drive. my caseworkers want me to learn but i am not confident in my visual processing skills or my multitasking skills at all. if my life depended on me driving to a hospital i would die. i don't have a job. i think i might be able to work part time if i had accommodations. but only if i had accomodations. otherwise i'd get fired immediately. i refuse to make eye contact. i have IBS and would have to be allowed to go to the bathroom whenever i need for however long i need. i have dyscalculia i cannot work any job with numbers. i don't care if the cash register tells me change if i read the numbers wrong and give wrong change i will get fired. i have dyspraxia i cannot wait tables or be in a situation where there is a time limit. i'm autistic and will not be able to go home and feed myself if all my energy is taken up talking to customers or coworkers. its very easy for everyone to look at me and go "get a job" but at a certain point you have to use ur brain and think "hmm this woman can't take care of herself without help and she's also been neglected and abused for 18 years out of her 20 year old life.. maybe she won't be the best employee"

[ashisgreedy]

23, 32, 40

I need to know your dirty secrets now that you invited me to visit you 👀

🔞Hey Bibby! Yes, come visit me~ I'll take care of you. Don't worry.😘

23. Worst possible time you’ve gotten horny?

I was dating this guy but the relationship had fizzled a lot. We were hanging out with his friends and I got cold. My BF made fun of me for shivering (🙄) BUT his best friend gave me his jacket. I guess I was touch starved and also very neglected, so the act of him helping me into the large jacket and rubbing my arms to warm me up turned me the fuck on. The smell of his cologne on the jacket definitely didn't help my sudden heart palpations 🥴

32. Favorite foreplay activities:

Kissing kissing kissing! Kissing in public, private, on a train, on a plane. Kissing with tongue, kissing on the neck. Lips here, lips there, lips everywhere

40.  What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

In my teens, I definitely used the handle of a hair brush once or twice 💀

Thank you for the ask!

[we-staybhaalin]

What is their aftercare like? What is your Tav’s favorite place to have sex? Can your Tav not have sex for a long period? Does Tav like to tease? What does Tav consider “cheating”? What spells does Tav use during sex (i.e. “silence” because they are too loud) Lights on or off?

Thank you for the ask!!

What is their aftercare like?

Niralei: She's big on curling up and snuggling up to the person(s). Oddly enough, despite how talkative she tends to be after sex brings out a chattiness to her too, so she might sit up just talking about anything that comes to mind. She likes getting some laughs going, will play with her partner(s)'s hair or rub them in comfortable places. She likes having wine and food nearby just in case anyone needs a little snack after the fact. She just likes being comfy after the fact. When her partner(s) start feeling sleepy, she'll either recite some of her favorite relaxing stories or she'll read from her favorite books until they conk out.

Nettlebane: She's big on praise and affirmations, reassuring her partner(s) that they were very good, they were amazing, and making sure they come down gently from their high. She usually has a myriad of things ready to go--food, water, some clean cloths, and brushes/combs. She'lll usually braid hair and keep praising her partner(s) while they relax with her hands in their hair. I like to think as a cleric of Sharess, part of her divinity-touched nature allows her to tap into parts of it that help soothe her partner(s) while she focuses on her normal aftercare routine.

What is your Tav’s favorite place to have sex?

Answered for both!

Can your Tav not have sex for a long period?

Niralei: She can and has. She prefers not to keep it too long though.

Nettlebane: She probably cannot and tries to fit enough in before she has to go without.

Does Tav like to tease?

Niralei: Unabashedly. She likes taking her sweet time during sex and makes it her personal mission to assault her partner(s) with as much teasing as she possibly can before they snap and start shoving her up against the closest flat surface. I think she's especially frequent about it with Halsin as her lover because his restraint is fun to test and when he snaps, he will absolutely let her have it. He's been subjected to so much of her teasing--a little nibble on the ear when he's least expecting it, her grinding her foot up against his crotch while they're at long meetings in Reithwin, her wearing a dangerously low cut top with his favorite perfume wafting up from between her tits--She drives him up the wall and gets to reap all the benefits on him going in on her when they get a chance to be completely alone.

Nettlebane: I think she does it quite often but it also very much depends on the moment. I think she's very playful in bed and she makes an effort to make the teasing fun for everyone involved. Sex for her is a lot of things all at once--a way she dedicates her soul and devotion to her goddess, something that she enjoys and wants to enjoy with someone willing to be intimate with her in this way, and many other things. Teasing is a part of bringing more out and digging deep at the emotions involved. It's also a way to get people comfortable in a moment and she very much will use teasing and jokes to break tension.

What does Tav consider “cheating”?

Niralei and Nettlebane: Cheating to them is deliberate and requires a number of factors to be considered infidelity. Both of them are polyamorous but both their partners have completely different boundaries regarding certain things. Gale's are hard set and Nettie would never force him to change them if he has no intention to--Halsin is a lot different.

Halsin and Niralei both pursue their own romantic and sexual relationships while in a relationship with each other. For Niralei and Halsin, cheating would require obfuscation of intent with partners and neglect of the relationship between the two of them. From what I understand of the narrative, and what I personally have set for them, I think the two of them have a sort of relationship where they are prioritizing each other first. They won't deny each other if they want to be with other people but they draw hard lines at changing the bounds of what their relationship with each other is.

For either one of them to start altering those bounds without the other knowing would fundamentally change their relationship.

What spells does Tav use during sex (i.e. “silence” because they are too loud)

Niralei: She's probably pulled out a Burning Hands and manipulates the heat low for those moments she's touching real sensitive places. Also a huge fan of throwing a Mage Hand out there to do some real fun things. I can easily picture her sitting at the edge of her bed, leaning over Halsin, no restraints on him because she knows he can be good for her, poor man is gripping the bed for dear life, and her Mage Hand is alternating between slowly stroking his dick or teasing his ass. And if he touches her or comes without her permission, he has to wait even longer until he's finally good for her--

Nettlebane: There's a level of divination that can usually be felt when fucking her since sex is an extension of her deity's domain. I can easily see her using aspects of her light magic to create warmth, especially with Burning Hands and her massage skills. In moments where injuries or a pick me up is needed, she has the ability to heal whenever she'd like. A good Hold Person spell is helpful beneficial to her in the moments she's feeling like she wants a lot of control. Gale also has access to quite a reservoir spells to use at any moment too.

Lights on or off?

Niralei: Likes some candles or a hearth for some nice inviting light for the mood.

Nettlebane: Constantly radiates light during sex so literally cannot turn that shit off even if she wanted to.

Ask me spicy questions!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, I have hard executive dysfunctions but had some (temporary) results using to-do apps and stuff. For everything, brushing teeth, eating, etc. But it always end (very quickly) by me adding 30+ to dos for a day and working 10 hours to get them done until I break down. I can't not do it. Once I think about it, there is sooo much to do, so much I neglected.

So I saw this nice bullet journal in a shop today and took it with me and need some ideas how to make it, to not end like the others:

I thought about a symptom part, how good did I sleep, what mental health issues do I have, etc pp.

I am completely unsure if I should ad any "chore to-dos" or only self care/mental health ones. But even those feel like chores so...

And my energy level varies strongly so I thought about keeping it vague like idk "do one relaxing thing"-like maybe. So I could decide on that day, what I think I will get done. But that's pretty unsatifying.

Ah and, as much as I love such book and diaries etc, writing it down feels like a chore too so... It sounds worse than it is, I had some results but everything in this world sounds like a chore so I am unsure how to make this fun and manageable and neither go to the extreme nor give up.

Give me all your ideas and examples and plans.

Hi anon,

As soon as I saw your ask I just knew I wanted to answer it ~ I have ADHD, but because of other chronic health issues - I cannot take stimulant medications for it and rely on my adaptations to manage symptoms (and yup, some of my mental energy does get used up doing it this way - but it is possible for some of us!). I wanted to start by sharing some resource links and articles first:

The Best Work Schedule for ADHD Brains: Flexible or Rigid? (with resources at the end, and lots of reflections from a variety of folks who benefit from both - great starting point to see which style resonates with you)

Adults With Executive Function Disorder (scroll about halfway down for tips and resources)

Tips and Tricks for Executive Function Disorder (geared towards the caretaker of a child with it, but still impactful suggestions, including movement breaks and reward systems)

Executive Function Disorder: Bullet Journal (one person’s personal bullet journal and how an adaptable reward system - shaped like a bingo card - really helped them) 

But also wanted to share what I use/tell myself throughout the day/week to help: (under the cut to help avoid the post getting super long)

I personally use an adapted planner for the overall schedule, it’s got enough blank spaces where if I want to “change it up” I can do that week to week, but in general this is the place where I store my overall monthly calendar and every Sunday night write out my week ahead of “big things” (apps, time sensitive errands, etc).  

I take a picture of my monthly calendar, as well as my weekly so even if I’m out and about I can quickly refer to it if someone asks about a date - versus saying “I’ll check my calendar later and get back to you” . . . and then - never doing it, whoops!

People in my life are used to it by now, but essentially if someone tells me something like “next weekend is so and so’s birthday” - I’ll take a moment to set an alarm reminder to add it to my calendar when I’m home, and or make a text message note on my phone, and set an alarm that essentially reads “don’t forget to add your text notes to the calendar” (some days I can have like fifteen alarms going off throughout the day, but this way I also manage to add the information I need to, versus feeling like I’m constantly forgetting something, or worse, expending limited mental energy constantly cycling through a “don’t forget don’t forget don’t forget” concentration).

I timeblock my day every morning before everyone else is awake, for example: 7 to 8 - studies, 9 to 10 - social, and so on.  By doing it every day, I can refer back to it throughout the day and adjust as needed but also not plan too far ahead with no adaptability to changing circumstances.  I also ensure that for a chunk of “serious chores” I also schedule in what I like to call “serotonin boosts” - whether that’s some friends time, or creative time, whatever sparks joy for you.  There have definitely been days where I felt like I could not do one more email - and then reminded myself that as soon as I got through the five I scheduled myself for, then I could draw for an hour (a basic ‘this, then that’ reward system).  Suddenly, I manage to push through it, and often quicker than I had originally thought it would take - allowing me to have even more time with something that brings joy.

If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I set several alarms, almost like a countdown 

I like to use fun color pens, or even pens with like fuzzy balls, or some other sort of stimming part to it as I work - it allows me a moment to stim if I need it, even when I’m tackling the “boring brain dump” stuff.

No amount of telling my brain “just do it” for twenty minutes is going to magically create the dopamine/serotonin it needs to do the thing.  So if a reward isn’t working, I get up and move with a timer to get it going that way, and then try again.

I’m sure there’s plenty more ideas/tips/tricks - anyone stumbling on this, please feel free to comment, reblog, and add to it, but I hope it’s a helpful start for you and anyone else out there looking for adaptions. - Mod Kat