#I need to study or help me god
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I've been perfectly unable to study the entire day, but at least I was unable-to-study at sea and then unable-to-study while listening to The barber of Seville's Overture for half an hour straight, which is better than plain, old unable-to-study
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*Breaks into your house to stare wistfully out the window* Do you ever think that CTHenry is, at least by some perceptions, a corpse being kept alive by gold dust and the whimsy of a goddess whose motives are unknown? I do. *Puffs on bubble pipe* Anyway. I'm still holding out hope for a happy ending for our Miserable Train Gays. Iram gentlemen. Have a good day 💗

out of sight, out of mind
#asks#sterling-starlight#tw ableism#<— just in case#thomas the tank engine#thomas and friends#ttte henry#ttte gordon#ttte james#ttte thomas#ttte percy#casa tidmouth#senjart#heavily inspired by yellowcake Please be niceys to me.#hooray! the nwr workplace environment that’s true to the early model seasons!#interpreting henry's sudden shape change and the whole thing with the special coal (both its need and obsolesce) in human form--#--with the addition of existential dread AND the panicked ramblings of a man who got his whole life turned upside down#it’s amazing how alive henry looks despite the tiny amount of gold dust left in the shining time world at that time#and how its number dwindled further in present cstm#henry with a forlorn expression wearing a shirt that says ‘’I am god’s favorite soldier’’#is lady here real? or a projection of henry’s inner thoughts towards himself —#— because he can’t bear the idea that he’s actively mocking his own self and it wasn’t anyone else#(at least not anymore)#and if she’s real is she projecting her own lack of autonomy to someone who’s always hit with one misfortune after another…..#when your entire existence was to make sudrians happy for more than a thousand years#and you remain in solitude watching the humans you tended to come and go#so you bury your curiosity and longing so humanity can be happy#yet you can’t help but just strongly relate to this one poor guy#until the time comes in 1999#also this is as much of a study/character expansion/hc thing as much it is for my outlet for my feelings about my disabilities
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"wylan almost got away with lying to kaz" this "wylan stood up to kaz" that. WHAT ABOUT MY GOAT KUWEI??! HE LITERALLY ACTUALLY LIED TO KAZ AND GOT AWAY WITH IT (pretending not to know kerch)!! LIKE KAZ LITERALLY NEVER KNEW, THEY ALL THOUGHT HE WAS THE POOR INNOCENT KID WHEN HE'S LITERALLY SO SMART AND SCHEMING!!
#i'm so done with people overshadowing kuwei#like dont gwt me wrong i love love love wylan#but god why do we have to erease everything kuwei has done just to olace wylan on a pedestal#if kuwei has no fans then i'm dead#like i feel like the fandom hatred for kuwei acrually needs to be studied#but the shit hes hates on for is honestly so fucking stupid when in reality anything hes done is the least worrying thing#like what about the fact that kaz is actually morally gray and for all the lives he's helped there are double the lives he's wronged#in that sure hes jot the worst person in the barrel but why do we hate more on kuwei's relatively tame actions than kaz#like a ything good kaz has done was either for his friends or for some sort of reward#sure hes done some good things as well#but the majority of the time it is NOT our the goodness of his heart#(still love him though)#i'll make on actual post explaining my thoughts on kaz eventually#my point is just the kuwei is overhated and deserves more recognition#soc ck#six of crows#crooked kingdom#soc#ck#six of crows kuwei#kuwei#kuwei yul bo#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#kaz brekker
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How sinful I am for craving you so feverishly, yet not being able to defeat the desire to own you within my skin, the every inch of it— You have me, lord. Ever present and never run away. It’s not like you’d ever allow me to. But you will, Uhtred, one day, when the time I’m no longer meant for this world comes. For no fires on this middle-earth can escape the fate of dying and ceasing, and I know love is to be one of its kinds. Then I shall pray, my lord, to all Gods, that may that fire consume us before it does.
INPRNT
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Btw yesterday was my birthday and my friend drew me this HELP


*explaining my mental state brilliantly*
#ok i think i need to do some studies of dd’s face because i feel like I’m reaching to a point that#you can perhaps tell I’m drawing alfred (i hope so) but if I don’t tag anything probably no one will recognize it’s dd lol#does that even make sense#well same thing happens to uhtred i guess drawing is hard *sighs*#cannot bring myself to like this piece but it’s 5am god help me#the last kingdom#tlk alfred#alfred x uhtred#uhtred x alfred#uhtred#king alfred#alhtred#alfred the great#hikaruchen#hikaru tlk
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i think part of my problem is i lived with my best friend for two years of my life and have been searching for the same feeling of joy & acceptance & support ever since
#like I’ve sat down and had a think about it and the times I’ve felt the least lonely in the last 5+ years are when my roommates were close#friends I could pray with/laugh with/cry with/unmask with#something something you can’t keep trying to go back somewhere that doesn’t exist anymore you need to go forward#but the only way I can see myself thriving is if I can live with people/someone who feel(s) like home#and I know that can come with time and you meet new people and make new friends and settle down somewhere and slowly build yourself a life#but how do you do that without dying along the way#and I’m here in this new state and I’m trying to be content but there’s the very real possibility everything is going to change *again*#later this year and I just. I’m done I want it all to be over I want to get to find someone and commit my life to them and get to know we’r#we’re gonna figure it out together#and bitterness is so tempting right now bc unless God heals & transforms & really really surprises me#(all of which He CAN do but I just have never thought that was His desire for me); unless that happens I will probably be alone for the#rest of my life#and I can write essays on the importance of platonic friendships and how good and beautiful it is to value them but that grows weaker and#weaker the older you get the more all your friends seek marriage and find their other halves and you’re still. just. There#it’s nearly midnight and I should write a poem instead of processing in the tags of a post but really I may just go to bed#I’m so glad I have a phone call and prayer group to look forward to tomorrow#and the Bible study tonight was good <3 some things were hard about it but my soul was comforted#and I may have even more questions but at the very least right now I know God is Love#and that is the bottom line of any answer that I seek#….which I guess maybe loops back to the processing too. I know He is love I know He’s supposed to be sufficient#so what do you do when that doesn’t FEEL like enough#God I believe help my unbelief. please#elle rambles#[y]#/p
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I need to squeeze her like a stress ball.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#OC: Daedra#i have never been more grateful that daedra naturally makes squeaking noises#the endless squeaking as i constantly squeeze at her should help calm me down by an estimated 17.36%#i believe i can get an additional calming remedy of 9.8% if i were to write her doing fluffy things#although - other studies have shown that torturing oc's and putting them in situations that would make even the gods weep#can not only improve mood but also alleviate stress#hmmmm i love my daedra - shes my sweet little angel#but the math says i need to torture her today
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Chapter 419 Analysis or "How to completely break Tenko Shimura" a manipulative guide from All For One (part 1)
This is mainly a character analysis of Shigaraki Tomura or Shimura Tenko, any other character present is there to help.
Chapter 419 was hard to comprehend even with just summaries right on April 4th. Some things need at least fan translation to fully make sense. Or just hurt more in that matter.
Warning of spoilers to the whole manga to the point of chapter 419! All of the warnings from the respective Tomura chapters are applicable.
So like... mentions of death, killing other people, manipulation, emotional abuse and many more!
This is Part 1 - See Part 2 for something less depressing
This is going to be long! So let's start, shall we?
First of all we'll need to take into understanding ALL the chapters that we'll need to remember/reread just make this chapter worse (skip if already familiar with them):
Chapter 222 - Tomura Shigaraki: Distortion
Chapter 234 - Destruction Sense
Chapter 235 - Tenko Shimura: Origins
Chapter 236 - Tenko Shimura Origins, Part 2
Chapter 237 - Tomura Shigaraki: Origins
This is your "Tenko and Tomura understanding" starter pack, basically. Without them it's harder to even start unpacking what just happened with Tomura's perspective in mind
Well then.
The chapter starts and we are immediately greeted by AFO semi-agreeing without wanting to, that Tomura was strong enough before Izuku started trying "saving" him in his own way and even succeeded making Tenko's will all the more fragile than it was when he returned using his hate to his advantage.
Even after Izuku holding Tenko's hands for the whole chapter he was still stubborn enough to continue even without that hate in his heart
And the thing that initial summaries missed was the fact that Tomura actually reacted to AFO reapperance.
Still not understanding why AFO was even saying that.
Tenko was literally taught by AFO to follow "what he wants" in ch 237 with Tenko making his first decision to kill someone himself. And never actually hiding that Tomura just needed to never forget that hatred and those bad emotions that Tomura never really understood. And it took Izuku seconds to decipher them.
With AFO reassuring Tomura that he has no need in following morals of society and just should follow whatever he wants - his want to destroy everything that hurts him. And only AFO would accept and help him. He was constantly reminded of that.
Even if Tenko was feeling sick from killing at first, even if hands that he wore were still making him sick 15 years later without him understanding anything. Decisions made while person is emotional are usually the ones that the person might regret the most and Tomura lived with those unstable emotions for years. Knowing that they hurt him and make him feel sick.
But Sensei said that it's okay to follow those emotions. That's it's actually great that he does it.
Everything was for his sake, everything was for Tomura Shigaraki and Tomura Shigaraki only. He was his Sensei's successor and no one should argue with it. He's the only one to be next ruler of the underground and the next king. And Tomura gladly accepted that as truth.
Since it was easier than facing his guilt.
Because AFO just needed Tomura to have enough willpower to get OFA when the plan is ready. To make Gigantomachia to follow him while Garaki was watching knowing full well how the plan is going. Both knowing full well that Tomura is still holding himself back.
In this chapter however we finally see how all of the things AFO told and taught Tenko were just to make him so sure that HE was in control and allowed to do whatever he wants to completely break his worldview in the end "after he gets OFA" which is an unreachable goal now since OFA is gone for good.
By just saying that Tenko never had any choice to begin with.
Tomura already knew that AFO manipulated him and he was just a pawn, needed only to get OFA and piss off All-Might he accepted and embraced it as something unimportant. It was his choice and he was free to do it and not feel bad about it. Since he's born to destroy.
Until suddenly it wasn't just his life after Decay that was manipulated.
But his whole life from birth. Just because AFO didn't get his hands on Hana sooner and she was happy while AFO needed someone hurt and broken. And Shimura's household wasn't as bad as he needed it to be at first with Kotaro loving his children, wife, in-laws and even his mother.
And AFO destroyed it by creating so much conflict and even going out of his way to make sure Tenko's father knew that he was playing heroes with some kids. And even saved them by putting his own quirkless life in danger.
In some sense narrator-Tomura's words at the end of ch 236 still might hold true. AFO didn't just create his hate out of nowhere, to make it feel like even if Tenko remembers everything it's still he's doing not a villain appearing, not just some accident that it actually was.
Although AFO doesn't say anything about people who didn't help Tenko even though he he knew that it happened so he most probably was watching it happen until Tenko lost all hope entirely to finaly make him dependent on his help.
And he succeeded for the most part.
Tomura was making an assumption after he remembered everything that he "must've been yearning for that" and from that point onwards explains everything that happened as "I wanted it - I did it" and was clinging to it like a lifeline to explain everything.
He accepted that if Re-Destro is talking about his Decay quirk affecting him he exists only to destroy.
And now it seems he found a false motivation for himself that AFO created by cruely manipulating everything from his quirk to his family. Making him believe he had a hand in it. Breaking one of "safe" truths that Tomura never doubted. They only made his decisions feel right.
Which makes that a hopeless loop of broken memories being staged just to let Tenko become Tomura who hates and destroys everything believing that it's his choice. Only choice at that.
And if destroying is him only choice because of his quirk... then what can a quirkless person do while having so many people dead from his own hands? Hands that were literally cursed to have destruction quirk in them not because he was born to do it. But because his own Sensei wanted that.
And he's "unwavering heart" is now nothing but an illusion that was destroyed by both Izuku and AFO together.
There's no "Can I be a Hero?", because can he even be a Villain if most of the choices that were from Decay and the hatred in his heart weren't actually his own?
#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#all for one#bnha analysis#character analysis#character study#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#my hero academia#phew that's a lot of normal tags!#honestly I think it's a mess of a post (the first draft)#and this part 1 is depressing as hell#that's what you get when LoV is not here#thankfully part 2 exists#bnha 419#rewrote most of the thing and it got even more depressing oh no#part 2 is still existing#somewhere#also I didn't add that but AFO is never talking about the people that didn't help Tenko again#like... they just rejected him and it's still true#he's still living with a 'did they reject me because I killed my family?'#the more I rewrite this the more depressing it becomes#I really like Tenko's arc so this chapter broke me for couple of days at least#and the more I was writing this more horrified I became with what exactly it all meant#we either need a whol OFA team again or at least Izuku returning into that hell that is AFOmura's mind#but once again I plan on a part 2 since even if Tomura's life is depressing LoV existed and some of them even are still alive#god this post is a nightmare of this blog
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school is back in session. free time is 100% gone. 😀
#i knew this would happen but it’s still sad to experience#i quite literally have no time because of studying/homework/reading/lectures#and I’m also working my normal job#and when i DO have time i’m so fucking exhausted that all i want to do is be Not Sober and rot on my comfort youtuber’s channel#i don’t even want to watch shows in my free time because that brings about too much emotional stimulation that i’m too tired to experience#that doesn’t even make sense but it’s true#i also recently just experienced something rattling that i can’t really talk about bc it’ll give away too much personal info lmao#but it was Not Fun#but it was also eye-opening in a good way? but nothing about it was good#i wish i could make private posts for my very close mutuals who i could trust to tell#i kinda want to get it off my chest and i’ve told a few of my irl friends but like… this shit is still haunting me#had a nightmare about it last night. kicking and sweating and full-on panic kind of nightmare#luckily my alarm woke me from it. unluckily i then had to get up and go to work#anyway. i really wanted time to write this weekend but there’s just so much shit i have to do#i have an interview for a research position and four (YES FOUR) group projects i need to start this weekend#god help me#this is my own fault for pursuing a STEM career#but yknow… women in STEM 🥳✨🫶🏼🤩#fay talks
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Not me making a s/i for a game that I'm probably not even gonna play myself 😭🙏 here it is folks some simple ref of my bg3 tav!
She's a half-elf Paladin and a follower of Oghma, the God of Knowledge, with a sage background ♡ she's got an insatiable and somewhat macabre curiosity that leads her to explore things that are sometimes considered a bit disturbing but she finds fascinating! She has a bit of a manic edge that can make her seem a bit inconsiderate at times because she talks faster than she can think, but she means well and is very sweet! And of course she's catching feelings for a certain someone 😊
♡taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @squips-ship @drjohndisco @adoredbyalatus
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#bg3 tav#bg3 self insert#bg3#crush: 🗡#OUGGH I NEED A SHIP TAG 😭😭#thats the only thing i need to make wyll an official f/o...👉👈#GOD IDK HOW I FELL FOR HIM LIKE THIS#i cant help it he's so fucking sweet and romantic and he's so so so devoted to u when u romance him 🥺💖💖💖💖#maybe thats it devotion is a huge thing for me ajfjfk#if ur character will love with everything they have then im gone. and if the character is good with kids ajfjfk#WHICH WYLL IS BOTH#and idc if i dont have the game thats not gonna stop me uwu#i gotta draw us soon but alas...the call of dinner and needing to make it#but yeah her belt buckle has the symbol of oghma and her outfit is pretty simple but thats ok#between her studies she'll bash ur head in btw 😂 shes got no tolerance for nonsense#can u tell shes imbued with autism? specifically my autistic fixation on dark things#all my s/is have autism but the specific FLAVOR varies between them#and oughghh she'd be so enchanted by wyll 🥺🥺#and shed be so interested in karlach and astarion bcs she does a lot of reading about vampires and tieflings#she's just never met them before#thats what i mean abt MAYBEEE being a lil insensitive bcs she might not be the most soft about what she knows#but once they all get to know one another she'd be a very good friend to them and she'd throw down for them without hesitation 😤😤😤#speaking of karlach. uh 😳 uhm 😳😳 uhhhh#might want her too ngl 💘💖💘💖💘💖
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shouldn't say anything because it's not ~official but we put an offer on a house this morning and it was accepted !!
#my heart has been going insane all day#didnt think this would happen and now we have a metric shit ton to organise within a day#because the estate agent needs everything by tomorrow lunchtime#so this means i have to instruct a solicitor... today. send me help.#anyway it's very exciting and stressful and everything in between :)#it's a 60s/70s 4-bed house with a driveway & a garage. a lovely garden. there's a study. a dining room. a living room. two bathrooms.#it needs updating but we'll need to save up for that i imagine#cause we're about to get ended by deposits and fees and tax and commissions and moving costs#ahhhhhh god#tbd
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#you know I really do love it when your teachers take you aside and look you dead in the eye and say that you're not trying hard enough#like dude I am trying. I spent four hours every day of my break aside from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day studying#I'm sorry that I can't remember this specific Sanscrit word or specificall when Aristotle was born but dear God I'm trying#please don't say I'm not putting in enough effort#let alone tell me that on the Big Exams where I don't get a re-do I'll barely pass#because you *are* making me feel like I know nothing#and discouraging me is going to do no good for my memory#and now I'm crying over the fact I can't identify a fucking subordinate clause and the head word in a noun phrase#because yeah that's the absolute basics and I could do it two weeks ago and now I can't and that means I am not trying hard enough#I'm academically useless and absolutely pitiful#and if I don't do well they'll put me in extra classes again which I don't have time for nor do I need because they never help in the way#that I need help#one day back at school and I'm already contemplating just saying I'm sick again#I don't know#I don't want to be here
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Guys, please, Tango doesn't consider himself a builder in the same way Michelangelo might not consider himself a painter* (see tags). You can accept you're very good at two things, and still consider yourself better at one over the other. It's not negative talk when he calls himself a redstone guy.
#tangotek#* Michelangelo was definitely good at painting but his preference was sculpture. Painting commissions were more frequent and profitable.#I don't know if this is the best example because it's difficult to parse exaggeration and fact#About historical figures in general especially artists and their personal feelings about their own art#and he definitely wouldn't have put a very strong divide between his skill sets because like.#You can see how much working and studying 3D space helped him create such life-like people in a 2D painting.#But I think Decked Out is a good example of harmony of skills too#The building part of game design and the coding part needed each other to create Decked Out 2#My point here is#That we can't ask Michaelangelo if he considers himself a sculptor or painter#Because he's dead and also may not have an actual answer himself#But we can ask Tango! And he says he's a redstoner not a builder. And that's ok :)#Dear God this entire set of tags sounds like pretentious rambling but I'm gonna post it anyway bc I hope people see past me comparing#a beloved Renaissance artist to a Block Game Guy#and take time to reflect on how an artist might interpret themselves vs how their audience sees them thru the lense of their work.
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my art looks so flat im about to lose it so im gonna go do figure studies ig..sigh
#dolirants#this has been bothering me for so long ooh my god#its either just how i set up my figures OR how i draw details#ughhh i need to do some photo studies to help
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Having one of those days where I look back on all my recent art and all I can do is go EUGHHHH YUCK… EUGHHH PTHOO
#postings#I need to do more studies god help me#I NEED to learn the planes of the face#and every other important art aspect ever
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Frieren's magic system is brilliant in it's simplicity and i cannot get enough of it. Istg i haven't been this invested in magic system since nen.
#frieren#frieren beyond journey's end#frieren: beyond journey's end#sousou no frieren#like on surface level it seems pretty generic but thanks to stellar writing author implements it in such unique and interesting ways#i cannot help but be intrigued#and the way we gradually learn more about it from the start like frieren not being able to create Himmel's hometown flowers bcuz she didn't-#see em therefore planting the whole concept of “you need to visualize in order to do magic”#and also probably my favorite part is how magic treated like any other science in our world#people analyze study and develop new kinds of magic building on top of existing knowledge and advancing it forward#the whole explanation with Zoltraak just had me so goddamn excited#also Ubel#oh my god Ubel#bro literally said “nah I'd win” and MEANT IT#GIRL SAID DELULU IS SOLULU#ABSOLUTE SAVAGE
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So I just finished The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson and was looking up some other people's reviews and analysis to bounce my ideas off of and I found these two. Random fuckening dudes. With such gems as:
• "Shirley Jackson is an okay writer" and the opening paragraph is "not bad"
• There is SOME good writing in the book
• The end fizzles out, as all Shirley Jackson's work does
• There's too much unnecessary content, like the characters talking to each other
• Eleanor came there to disguise herself and kills herself when she's found out
• Eleanor finds something about herself is so unappealing that she kills herself so she can be special
• "The ending needed to be executed better"
• "Why is she afraid at the end??"
HELLO?? DID YOU TWO READ THE BOOK? DID YOU COMPLETE 10TH GRADE ENGLISH?? ARE YOU BOYS FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
#ro talks#shirley jackson#eleanor vance#the haunting of hill house#the ego of these two uninspired men sitting and jerking themselves off about how they could do a better job than miss jackson#like oh my god did you actually read the book???#theyre waxing philosophical now about how the book is about the need to create art#BOYS ITS ABOUT A WOMANS DESCENT INTO MADNESS BC SHE IS ALONE AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN ALONE#ITS A CHARACTER STUDY OF ELEANOR AND THE HOUSE#HOPE THIS HELPS DIPSHITS#i actually cant handle how theyre lambasting mrs montague for being pretentious and thinking she knows everything#while they are doing exactly that#OH MY GOD???#“if you liked this novel#i think you will like the shining!“#tell me you didnt understand the fucking book without telling me
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