#I need to stop reading Reddit posts

[frostedej]

RANT: It's going to be a long post.

I need to rant and I can't rant on Facebook cuz everyone just tells me this that and the other thing about things that I cannot simply switch on and off.

For example: My ability to be a cashier in any way shape and or form is non-existent. My brain does not retain any of the processes of checking out customers, that are necessary to be a cashier. It is very frustrating because most of the available jobs in my city has to do with a cash register.

My next complaint, is that if you ask me something but you're actually trying to ask me something totally different I am not going to understand that, I'm going to answer the question you asked me I'm not going to answer the question you didn't ask me.

It is not my fault that you do not have the common sense to ask me what you actually want to ask me.

Next complaint:

I often cannot figure out what I am feeling.

More often than not I would tell you it's fine, or it was fine, or it was okay. When in reality I have no idea how things went. I don't know if I reacted the way I was supposed to, I don't know if I reacted to other people's reactions the way I was supposed to, I don't know if you're upset with me about some obscure thing until you say something.

If you are aggressively doing something I will end up thinking your angry with me about something, and I will have no idea what it is and if I do suspect what I know it is I will probably ask about it very cautiously.

Because I don't know how you're going to react, because when I ask stupid questions or what people think are stupid questions people get really angry at me for not knowing something.

If you're the kind of person who constantly seems angry or looks angry I'm going to be very very very nervous around you.

I don't deal with people who are angry with me very well.

I often have no idea how to react properly to them in order to stop the anger, and it frustrates me.

All of this frustrates me. It makes me very frustrated and angry with myself, whether it's my fault or not, because I constantly feel like I should be able to figure these things out on my own without help because I've always been told to just do this or that or the other thing and it will be fine.

I've always been told to just calm down when I'm having a panic attack or anxiety over getting a shot or an IV put in.

Telling someone with any form of PTSD or anxiety to just calm down only makes it worse. It is not something that we can just fix by flipping a switch.

It is something that we deal with everyday, some people have it worse than me, and are still able to get through their day and do things but I am not able to, some people do not deal with things as bad as I do and still are not able to do the things.

This frustrates us all, this frustrates me.

When people tell us to just do it, just calm down, just get over it...they're just making it worse.

I want to do the task, I want to do the thing, I want to get it over and done with, so I don't have to do it later, or have it pile up. I want to get my clothes taken care of. I want my dishes done.

Getting the thing done and getting the energy and motivation to get it done, are very different things, and having depression and sleep issues and whatever there issues other people have, make it worse and harder to get things done.

There are so many other reasons, that I have, to be ranting about this sort of thing. And I really need to talk to my therapist about it, but I'm about to switch therapists after my next appointment. So here it is I'm laying it out here and will be talking to the new one probably sometime next month or this month. 🙃

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i think the worst thing about reading reddit reaction posts to tv episodes is that usually, they act like any gay development on a show is a huge bummer. wHy CaN't ThEy JuSt Be fRiEndS???, etc. it's just like: god. why do you miserable fools hate it when cool fun things happen?!?!??!

[crimeronan]

youtube shorts is recommending me anti-trans accounts doing street interviews in portland like "omg omg ongggg kitkat look look look we made algyrythm so good. look look ❗️❗️❗️ you live here, yes?? 🥳 we know where you live?? 👉👈 you like local content?? 🥺 you like portland?? 👉👈 you want see portland???? 🥺🥺🥺 HERE PORTLAND POSTER!!! 😄" like. damn dude i actually feel kinda bad that you tried so hard. like you actually did pick up maybe one-half of a topic i like to watch videos about. it's like when a little kid tries to pick flowers for their mom and gives her an allergic reaction instead. i'm sitting here like wow. is this really what portland videos are?? is it seriously all just viral conservative clickbait and longform videos about fake meme polycules???

.....should i have a fucking youtube account where i post about being in an actual portland polycule????

[juni-ravenhall]

i realised now that something i thought might be sociopathy was actually just dissociation. bc the ppl who did this in my life were not consistently unempathetic and uncaring towards others, it seemed to come and go, even if at times theyve been unempathetic and uncaring for months without a moment of caring, its that whole dissociative state thing. they do have the ability to care and feel deeply and be empathetic, in their true self, but they clock out and stop feeling and dissociate, bc theyre too scared or too overwhelmed and stressed out to handle bad feelings in a healthy way (and havent learnt coping methods to work on that). so they start acting what i felt was sociopathic with no empathy and care, due to the longterm dissociative state that is a reaction to avoiding handling bad feelings.

these specific ppl in my irl also tried to manipulate and twist situations and words to protect themselves, to paint other ppl as the bad guy even when things were 100% their own fault, just to avoid facing the feeling of having done something wrong or having held a wrong opinion, or facing guilt or shame or empathy ("i hurt someone, so now they feel hurt, and i dont want to empathise with that because it would be painful")

but they werent always like that. they are only like that when they are in a bad place aka when they are running away from reality and dissociating. when they reject facing bad feelings and thinking of others and empathy and consequences. when theyre grounded, not dissociated, theyre actually sweet and caring. so i think its rly not about the lack of empathy and consequence-thinking but the main issue just being the dissociation (and adhd fixations which also become a form of dissociation from reality - unable to think clearly or see the bigger picture, including other ppls feelings, when fixated on something and unable to snap out of it - tho this too has coping methods to learn to be able to handle it better, just like other dissociation does).

[eurydicees]

god everyone is all so fucking wrong about mania (2018) by fall out boy jesus FUCKING christ you’re all wrong i’m gonna kick things rn no one is allowed to talk about her anymore !!!!!!!!

[scionshtola]

it has taken me 2 years and 4 months but i’m finished with all of the books set in the first law world

[scarletfasinera]

The way grown adults in their twenties still talk about how they didn't learn about x historical event or y horrific thing the US did back when they were in highschool as if it's any excuse for their willful ignorance is like actually so pathetic. It's four years of schooling that you had a decade ago of course you didn't learn every single thing in the world, no one does in any school in any country. You're not special. It's time to grow up and make the effort to learn things for yourself, You're Not In Highschool Anymore

[roastedinmarch]

i keep thinking i’m done with kevin but i miss his videos sm. i can never go back to watching him, im so disappointed in his apology and i will never feel safe in his community again, but i love his content, i wish the whole thing just never happened.

[midsummerknife]

.

[simfuldelights]

You know how on reality TV shows, they show a lot of random people with their faces blurred if they’re filming in public? It’s because they never legally agreed to be filmed.

You don’t have to stand by while random people record you if you don’t want to. Unfortunately, you can’t be aware of EVERYTHING all the time, so it’s not foolproof, but if you see someone recording you, say as clearly as you can to the camera that they do not have the right to film you.

I’m not a lawyer or anything but I’m PRETTY SURE if you have my recorded non-compliance and you continue to violate my right to privacy anyway, I’m not going to be the one in any trouble.

[quarterprioritymidnight]

tumblr is the place overshare tbh

my brother in christ it is the public internet

[toyherb]

oh fuck oh god

[gayvampyr]

i don’t know what else to say except that AI art is no longer simply a source of creativity or a wonder of human creation. it has become actively hostile and destructive toward the very thing it pretends to uplift and celebrate. it is void of any human element, any soul or ounce of emotion or self-expression. continuing to use AI art knowing that it comes from theft and robbing artists of their livelihood is disgusting. they need your support now more than ever. stop giving these thieves your money and admiration.

[Image descriptions courtesy of @cryptid-deity: a series of screenshots from Deb JJ Lee’s twitter, @ jdebbiel.

Image 1 is a tweet that reads, “this... this is fucking sad. I don’t know what to do.” Included with the tweet are two images; one is a screenshot from a private text message conversation, the other is a collage of AI generated art that was sent to Lee in the text conversation.

Image 2 is a screenshot of only the text conversation, which shows multiple messages that were sent to Lee. There is a collage of AI art, then a text message that reads, “Sorry to bother you. It looks like someone on an AI subreddit is making a custom model and it reminds me a lot of your work. He isn’t telling anyone where the images are being sourced from.” Following is another collage of AI art, followed by the message, “Here’s another one.” The last message is a link to the subreddit.

Image 3 is another tweet that reads, “Oh so it *was* me,” with the word ‘was’ between asterisks for emphasis. The tweet includes two screenshots from the subreddit.

Image 4 is one of the subreddit screenshots. It is a post that reads, “Dreambooth model release! Say hello to kurzgesagtish!” Under these lines is a Reddit message that reads, “Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it.”

Image 5 is the other subreddit screenshot. This post reads, “Results I got with a custom dreambooth model.” This post has the same deletion message as the former.

Image 6 is another tweet by Lee, which reads, “For comparison, here’s my art vs artist. I’m gonna cry.” Included is a collage of 8 works by Lee, which frame a photo of them. They follow up this tweet with another tweet, which reads, “If I see anyone I know using AI Art, they are dead to me.” The tweet includes multiple comparisons between Lee’s original art and an AI generated art piece based on it, judging by the subjects, colors, and lines.

Images 7, 8, and 9 are the examples from Lee’s tweet.

end description.]

[stephaniebrownslover]

OMG OMG OMG FINALLY IT'S HERE AND IT'S SO SAD AND COOL AND AWESOME AND HEART-SHATTERING AND AND GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm the sweetest girl in town; so why are you so mean? Nina 'the Killer' Hopkins in Creeped: K-12

PT. 2: PURPOSE [TO BE UPLOADED] General disclaimer: This AU is an amalgamation of headcanons, fanon, canon, and the occasional rewrite. There is an overarching story that HEAVILY strays from their canon stories. TW for toxic relationships, grooming, eating disorders, and self-harm. ED content is restricted to the 'middle school' section. Nina is a very personal character to me, but with a LOT of changes. Please take care of yourself and only engage in content you can handle.

BACKGROUND

❥Nina Hopkins was born on February 13, 1998, in California. She was the older sister of 1 brother, Christopher Hopkins.

❥Nina grew up with workaholics. Her father was a carpenter and her mother was a hairdresser, running her very own salon. They'd work 12 hour shifts, coming home to little Nina fast asleep on the couch, waiting for her parents. Especially her dad.

❥Nina was a daddy's girl through and through, and his guilt for never being there was evident. So he chose to shower her in gifts when he could, tutus and little pink mary-janes. Something girly and flashy.

❥Nina's favorite gift was a cheap, princess-themed makeup palette. Little Rapunzel's and Tiana's littered about her glittery pink and purple eyeshadows, set alongside cherry-flavored lip balms. She'd use the tiny sponge brush to delicately put on bright eyeshadow before school every goddamn morning.

❥It became obsessive. She'd come home and reapply. Cry when her mom makes her wipe it off before bed. Kick and scream when they threatened to take it away from her. When her mother asked why, Nina cried that it made her pretty. She didn’t want to look in the mirror without it. 

❥Now, Nina wanted attention. From a young age, you could see it in her. The way she dressed, the messily applied makeup, the loud voice, fake cries. She didn't get it much from her parents, and it only worsened when she became a big sister.

❥She was about 7 when Christopher was born. Her mom may have taken maternity leave, but that still left no time for Nina. She learned how to make bottles, change diapers, and bathe newborns. No attention aside from Christopher’s tiny hands holding onto her pajamas.

❥This opened a new routine for Nina and her mom, though. Each night, her mom dozed off on the couch, rocking Christopher’s little crib. Nina curled up beside her, purple eyelids half shut, watching whatever show her mom had on. 

❥Nina’s mom’s favorite show was Forensics Files. A little odd to her husband, but it immediately hooked Nina’s attention. It wasn’t age-appropriate, sure, but her mom was far too exhausted to change it. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? If Nina could wear eyeshadow, she could watch her mama’s favorite show. 

❥Just like Nina’s cheap makeup set, her interest in true crime grew obsessive. She’d get in trouble at school, spending her time in the school’s library, typing away at the school’s computer. She didn’t get far with many of her searches considering the Wi-Fi restrictions, but teachers and students quickly caught on. Eventually, she got banned from the library.

❥But Nina couldn’t get those stories out of her head. Every little bit she had memorized, she scribbled away in her diary. Obsessively. She kept track of every single detail. Memorized the victims’ names, the dates, and even the times they were declared dead. Whatever information was available to the public, Nina wrote down.

❥When Nina was about 9, she got her very own laptop. A gift from her dad, and an apology for so many late nights at work. He had no idea what it would unlock for Nina. All of the forums and chat rooms and videos she’d have access to. He didn’t even know there was a fucking ‘true crime community’ online, how could he expect his little girl to get sucked into that?

GRADE SCHOOL

❥When Nina was 10, she became a bit of a recluse. Girls at school avoided her for a few years now. She spent day after day curled up by the playground all on her own, flipping through her diary and brushing everyone off in favor of it. At home, she’d retreat to her bedroom and scroll online forums. 

❥She began making friends online, choosing to lie about her age. She’d befriend adults interested in the same morbidity as her. They introduced her to new content. It began with anime, usually psychological horror. Eventually, it evolved into dark manga, then gorey horror movies. Nina didn’t think much when they introduced her to liveleak. 

❥Nina left her diary behind one day, a fatal mistake that she was always so careful about. A girl from her class, Claudia, picked it up. Nina didn’t see that diary for a week. She spent days sobbing over it, crying to the people she met online and refusing to leave her room in fear of it being found.

❥She was called into her elementary school’s office the following Monday. Little Nina, dressed in hot pink twinkle-toe converse and glittery lip-balm, sat uncomfortably in the stiff office chair. Her father sat besides her, a look of disappointment on his overworked face. Her diary was on the desk.

❥Nina screamed. She screamed and kicked the chair as she snatched the diary. Without a second thought, she snapped the tension in that room, resulting in her father having to hold her down. She panicked violently, and when she eventually settled down into a whimpering sobbing mess, they scolded her. 

❥They began putting Nina into therapy. Weekly sessions at first, trying to dissect what was wrong with her. It made her feel worse. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with her. She wore ‘weird’ like a badge, something that all her online communities praised her for. Why was everyone acting so awful? It didn’t matter that much, though. Her parents still couldn’t carve time out of their work days for her. Weekly appointments turned monthly, turned every three months, turned never.

❥The girl who found her diary didn’t help. She read through it long before she turned it in to the teachers, snapping photos on her older sister's phone. Claudia began to keep track of Nina, similar to Nina’s habits. When the two turned 11 and entered 6th grade, Nina began experiencing relentless bullying and harassment. 

❥It started with name-calling. Deeming Nina a freak show, calling her a future serial killer, or pretending to squeal and run off when Nina walked by. It snowballed into jabs at her appearance, laughing at her messily applied blush and colorful clothes. Saying she was the ugliest girl in their grade, making comments on her body and how all the boys found her gross. She very frequently fell for boys saying they had a crush on her, only to laugh at her the second she believed it. Her self-esteem was already in shambles, but the relentless harassment only worsened it.

MIDDLE SCHOOL

❥Nina found solace online. Her friends were older, more mature. They understood her. Sure, some of them made her a bit uncomfortable, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. When she turned 12, she confessed her age to them. It broke her heart when a few blocked her, but not everyone did. She clung to those who stayed. Curiously, the adults interested in staying friends with little Nina were the same ones introducing her to new disgusting content. They’d ask to video call her and stream their favorite movies. Nina didn’t realize they were snuff films at first.

❥The harassment at school didn’t stop, of course. Nina was too young to start dieting, too young to be buying expensive makeup, too young to be worrying about her appearance. Regardless, she was convinced it would solve her problems. Alongside the fixation on horror, Nina stressed about her looks. She’d sob in front of mirrors, calling her adult friends and begging them for advice. They’d ask for photos. You know, to help her. She shattered every mirror in her room, weeping over her bloody hands and sending shards along her body. Nina's new diary obsessively kept track of new numbers.

❥Nina spent every night grabbing at her face and body, desperately morphing it to look the way she wanted. She didn’t even stop to think about Christopher in the other room, listening to her wretch into the toilet after every meal. Nina was so unbelievably lost in her own world, that nobody good ever came to mind.

❥She thought about Claudia a lot. So thin, tall, and confident. Claudia had a lot of friends, too. Nina was well aware, considering how often Claudia geared their attacks at Nina. She watched Claudia daily. In 8th grade, she noticed Claudia began wearing crop tops. Nina did too. She’d tie up her shirts and untie them around her parents. Claudia wore her hair in a high ponytail every damn day, so Nina started doing it too. Nina began applying mascara and highlight the same way Claudia did. Both girls were arguably too young for makeup, but there they were, egging each other on to apply more and more. Claudia’s wardrobe was pretty simple, nothing too flashy. So Nina opted out of her rhinestones and bright pink sneakers, instead reaching for simple Converse and plain jeans. 

❥By this point, a good number of them had phones. Claudia had long blocked Nina on Instagram, but Nina just made another account. A few, actually. One was an empty account with a fake profile picture and name, only used to follow Claudia without being blocked. A few more were made, used to follow Claudia and bombard her comments and messages with hateful content. Jabs at her appearance, her body, her clothes. Anything Nina could use as ammunition, she shot down Claudia’s self-esteem as harshly as her own. Nina would tell her adult friends online about it, bringing them to Claudia’s pages to attack her. It was cruel, and Nina knew that.

❥But it just felt so good when Claudia began to change. Before the end of 8th grade, she swapped to hoodies and pajama pants. No longer wore her hair up, instead used it to hide her face the best she could. She spoke quieter and didn't laugh so loud anymore. Nina felt like she won, and the freaks online cheered her on. Finally, Nina was able to drop her fixation on Claudia. 

HIGH SCHOOL

❥There was an odd shift in high school. Nina had completely turned her appearance around. She obsessively posted selfies and was quite careful about her online interests. Nobody could know. She wouldn’t even share the fact that she watched anime, far too fearful of the backlash. 

❥She had caught the eye of a senior at her school. His friend group had practically circled Nina, quickly offering her rides home and inviting her out. She bathed in the attention.

❥Christopher watched his big sister sneak out every other night. He’d ask softly where she was going. Gently, she’d smooth down his hair, press a kiss to his forehead, and ask him not to tell. He listened. Nina didn’t realize how much Christopher knew, and how much he kept to himself. How much of her grief he carried with him, worrying for his big sister.

❥14 year old Nina found herself at quite a few parties. Sometimes they’d be cities away, and she’d be seated on a couch at a random college party, shakily sipping away at a drink that made her nose scrunch. Eventually, the boy that brought her to these parties asked her to be his girlfriend. Nina couldn’t believe it.

❥He was the first boy of many to break her heart. It was a short month with him, till she went to the next guy. Then the next, and the next. Nina started drinking quite a bit, occasionally smoking weed and embarrassing herself on several occasions. She said it made it easier to socialize, but she really just thought it made her look cooler.

❥It grew difficult to balance both social lives. Her adult friends online continued to demand her attention at all times. Not much changed from when she was in middle school, including the way her anxiety would skyrocket when they got upset with her. She always folded to everyone in her life. She just wanted them to stay, to praise her, to tell her how kind and beautiful and sweet and funny she was. But it just felt so much better when someone in real life gave her that.

❥Yet another boy broke Nina’s heart. She thought he was the one, she really did. She spent months with him, from the end of her sophomore year to the start of her junior year. He bathed her in everything she asked for at first. She even got comfortable sharing some of her interests with him. He thought a girl liking anime was badass, but when she began to ramble about cold cases, he started to withdraw. Shortly after he broke up with her, old rumors began to resurface. Photos of an old diary slipped back into her school, shedding light on Nina’s elementary school habits. Nothing seemed to change, huh? Still talking about the same shit she was tormented for years back, but this time, they were attached to screenshots and voice memos that Nina sent to her boyfriend that year.

❥Nina knew who leaked them. Claudia, that stupid fucking bitch. Nina was never confrontational. Nobody ever taught her how to be. But this was a new low for her, dragging her right back to her middle school horrors. It’s like all of her misery, all of her insecurities, all of her rage and frustration and low self esteem accumulated into a string of stupid decisions. 

❥Nina followed Claudia home that following Monday. It was long after school, with Nina patiently waiting for Claudia to finish her group project. Neither of them exactly expected this, but when Nina snatched Claudia’s hair and began bashing her head into the ground, there was a deep sense of relief.

❥Regret followed. It didn’t feel so good watching Claudia sob as she curled up on the floor, clutching her face and begging Nina to stop. A pathetically small puddle of blood pooled beneath Claudia, and the sight made Nina’s stomach churn. She threw up. 

❥But Claudia was fine. Only her nose was broken and her face was bruised. Nina was expelled, now being shoved into an alternate school to complete high school. It was tearing Nina up inside to be so alone again.

❥What else was she supposed to do?

PT. 2: PURPOSE [TO BE UPLOADED]

[not-a-space-alien]

I've seen a lot of "You have to communicate directly/don't expect other people to read your mind" posts going around tumblr lately and while I really do appreciate them because it's a skill a LOT of people need to work on, I do want to remind everyone to please meet people halfway sometimes.

I recently read a story on Reddit about a guy's pregnant wife texting him "I'm craving donuts but we don't have any in the house 😔" and he DIDN'T stop to pick up donuts on the way home from work. Everyone was taking his side because "she needs to communicate" and "he's not a mind reader" and "How was he supposed to know she wanted him to get donuts???" People, ffs, why on earth would she text him that while he was at work if not because she wanted him to get donuts? I was flabbergasted everyone was taking his side. "How was he supposed to know??" What? Like yeah it's true she didn't say "I want you to get me donuts" with those exact words in that exact order but the reason why people get upset if they hint they want you to do something and you don't do it is because they feel like you don't care about them and aren't actively thinking about their feelings. Especially in a marriage or LTR they are in a situation where the assumption is you care about filling the other person's needs.

Someone who loves and cares about someone will get the donuts "without being asked" just because their partner expresses a want or need. That's what someone is fishing for when they say "Aaaah I'm craving donuts 🥺🥺🥺" It's less about the donuts and more about feeling cared for. Sometimes straight up asking "Can you get me donuts?" defeats the purpose.

Also, women are typically socialized to communicate this way because they're punished socially for being too direct. I've heard that people of color, especially black people, often do this too because they're likely to be branded as "aggressive" if they're too direct with white people. So it might be a good idea to be a bit intersectional if we're trying to encourage people to be more direct.

Take the stereotypical example of a wife gets a new haircut and then gets upset that the husband doesn't notice. She's not literally mad at him for not saying the exact words "I like your new haircut." She's upset because she feels like he doesn't look at her and appreciate the efforts she's putting in anymore.

Obviously this will vary widely depending on the nature of your relationship with someone, but especially when it comes to intimate partnerships, there are certain things your significant other should not have to tell you directly. It's probably safe to assume your wife or husband wants a birthday present even if they don't ask for it. It's probably safe to assume your bf or gf would appreciate a valentine's day present or a compliment without them having to literally ask for it, unless they explicitly say otherwise.

This is difficult for a lot of neurodivergent people to learn manually if it's not instinctual and they didn't learn it growing up (lord knows I didn't) and yes, it's true that most people (especially NT people) should learn to communicate more directly. But also, your relationships would probably benefit from learning to read indirect cues and just pick up the donuts on the way home because you heard your wife is craving them. Sometimes what someone wants is for you to think about what they're feeling and what they want and do it without them asking directly. It's up to you whether or not you do that, but sometimes that is asking. I think this is what people generally mean when they say their partner is "thoughtful."

[elfindreams]

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