#I need to start putting effort into transitions again but I hate it

[boywhoswaiting]

Fifteen/Rogue - Enchanted

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for debating hiring outside help for my husband and I's house because we can't keep up alone?

For context: My (26 Fae ftm) husband (28M) live very happy and healthily together. While I'm unable to medically transition due to a bunch of reasons we'll get to, he has been nothing but a solid rock in my life and the one person that has always been on my side. Through dragging me out of an abusive household to helping me with my chronic illness, he's been an absolute angel despite dressing like the devil himself (he's goth). So I don't want any hate on him.

He is ADHD and I'm Autistic. Yes, hello, we are that couple~♡ This does cause us some issues tho as he is unmedicated and I'm just struggling in general with sensory issues for certain chores. So far we keep each other some what afloat, having him do chores that my sensory issues can't handle and my doing ones he can't focus through.

However, as previously mentioned I'm chronically ill. I won't get into many details but it's basically I'm internally bleeding at random intervals. And before people think I'm talking about just my period, no it's so bad that I have once had to go to the ER for a blood transfusion due to this internal bleeding and had times when I was bleeding for over 4 months straight.

My husband and I because of this condition are pretty much struggling financially. I can work but it makes me extremely fatigued since I'm essentially working with constant Anemia. It gets bad enough some days that he can't wake me up without over an hour of effort, even after I've slept 10hrs. The fatigue is REALLY bad. He works just as much as I do, sometimes more because his work is so shortstaffed and he likes to pick up extra shifts to try and save up for the surgery that would hopefully fix everything.

This has culminated though in us both being extremely exhausted near 24/7 for the last year-ish but we have finally hit a break. I recently got a huge pay increase (nearly $200 a week increase) so we are hopeful for the first time in months. We're starting to pay down my extreme medical debt and being able to just go get dinner when he doesn't want to cook.

Here's where I may be kind of TA... Despite this hope, my condition recently did get worse. I've now gone another 3 months still bleeding and having to suffer my Anemia symptoms and medication. This has caused me to fall massively behind on what should be my chores, and while my husband doesn't begrudge me it, it has caused our home to start becoming very, very unhygienic. As someone who grew up with a clean freak mother, it kinda upsets me. He's focusing more and more on me and less on the house so even his chores are falling behind too.

None of that is his fault. He loves me so much he wants to help Me first but it has gotten to where we are both going "we really need to clean the house..." but neither of us have enough battery to do so. Me becuz of my condition and he becuz he's stuck caring for me.

We have enough that we might be able to afford to hire a cleaning service to help us out, but it would cost us some of the freedom and paying down medical bills. I think it'd only be a temporary thing, once I recover from my current episode, we can probably get better... but I don't know how long it will be.

On top of this I'm worried paying for this service will further put off my surgery as we struggle to save up for it again... We've already had to tap into that savings cuz my current episode lost me 2 days at work.

Is it unfair for me to ask to use our new extra money for essentially my not wanting to have to bother doing basic chores? I know I'm tired but I've lived with it so long I could and should probably just push through.

What are these acronyms?

[sentientgolfball]

golfball that aether post has inflicted severe pain and suffering how dare you /j

Do it again /nf. I love petty messy ghouls. I need Aether hating Rain bc him being summoned changed Dew so irreversibly, and now he has to watch Dew fall for this other ghoul. The one that caused the ritual to happen in the first place, the reason Dew burned.

........ Maybe Dew accepts Rains mateship. And Aether really has to sit and realize oh he doesn't have Dew anymore, does he?

Oh my dear anon i certainly can do it again mwhehehhe

Aether feels sick when he sees the mark on Dew’s shoulder. Notices his scent smells more like petrichor and sea salt than it used it. At first he doesn’t believe it. Dew was so clear when he said it was something he wanted to wait on. Something he wasn’t ready for because he didn’t know what would happen after he became fire.

But he did it. He did it for Rain.

He has only known Rain for a fraction of the time he has Aether, but he’ll take his mark. He really has lost Dew. All of him. That’s not his droplet anymore.

At first Aether blames himself. It’s all he can do. He wasn’t good enough for Dew. He is destined to never have a mate. He is here to take care of broken ghouls and see them on their way. He is a phase, a transitional point. What did he do wrong? Did Dew ever even love him? Or was he just convenient while he waited for someone else to sweep him off his feet?

Then that turned to hatred. Not at of course, never at Dew. But at Rain. This siren who came to this realm in a storm. He saw something he wanted and he took it without hesitation. He must have manipulated Dew somehow. Dew is a freshwater ghoul, he is not immune to the song of oceanic. That has to be it right? It has to. Because Dew would never do this to him.

The only thing that stops him from using his quintessence to take away Rain’s ability to ever sing again is what it would do to Dew. He would feel it. He would know something is wrong. He would know Aether did it. But every day he seems then cuddling on the catch his restraint gets weaker and weaker. He wants this ghoul gone. He wants this ghoul dead.

He pulls away from everyone. Everyone expect Mountain because the earth ghoul refuses to let him rot away. It works for awhile, Aether gets out of his head and he starts to feel better. He starts to maybe. Finally. Accept that it was just an unfortunate circumstance. Nobody is to blame.

That is until Aether notices Rain hanging out more and more with Mountain. He tries so so hard to rationalize despite the burning pit of anger in his gut. He does fine for a little but then he catches them out in the greenhouse around sunset. He and Aether were supposed to curl up on his old mattress and watch the meteor shower together. Instead he sees Mountain pinning Rain back against his work bench with his tongue down his throat.

He really snaps then. He has to go. Rain has truly taken everything from him.

A few days later they get into a fight. It’s bloody. Rain puts up a good effort, but quintessence ghouls are by all other elements for a reason. The only thing that stops Aether from melting his brain is Omega knocking both of them out with a quick spark.

[natterz-patz]

stop being aloof.

⭑𓂃 get out of lala land and shift!

✮⋆˙

CHAPTERS 1. what is being "aloof"? 2. why does it affect your journey? 3. "how do I fix it?"

1. WHAT IS BEING "ALOOF"?

Take a look at yourself from a mental angle. What do you think about? Throughout the day, I'm sure your thought process changes ever so often, but really, really think about it. What has most of your attention?

People with different interests and events in their life will have different answers. You, I assume, want to shift. Whether its for the first time, or again, you just want to shift. You're ready to go to any length, try any method, find any tip...

Here is where the problem lies. When you do these things, seclude yourself in a bubble where only shifting matters, affirming every second, doom scrolling on tumblr or tiktok every chance you get, searching through a method masterlist on reddit every night, doing (and I'm sure butchering) attempt after attempt. Ask yourself, aren't you tired?

You distance yourself from the rest of the world. Work, school. Family, friends. Even your health.

"No, it doesn't matter. I'm going to shift anyway."

You are detached. You are excusing your every mistake with shifting. You are dwelling on something so much that it's like you're living in your head. This is being aloof, people (in the context of persisting (or should I say chasing) your desires). This is what it is.

2. WHY DOES IT AFFECT YOU AND YOUR JOURNEY?

There are two ways you look at shifting in this perspective. a) You hate it and it's starting to feel like a chore but you still somehow have motivation and you don't want to stop until you get there or b) You're just really obsessed and want your dream life right at this moment because you just hate living in your CR.

Right! Let's discuss how these mindsets absolutely destroy your life and will never make you shift.

A) Shifting = Chore (you must do it)

You push away all other (probably more important) duties to shift/meditate/affim/whatever

You literally neglect yourself (not putting your needs first)

Ruins your perspective on shifting (just makes it seem like it shouldn't be fun)

Messes up your relationships

B) Obsessed Shifter (you choose to do it)

Exactly what the title is (you're so obsessed with everything connected to shifting)

Non-stop thinking/daydreaming about your DR (disconnects you from important things in your CR)

Promotes negative talk/thoughts about your CR self

Both of these perspectives are horrible. Why?

I'm sure you can already understand by reading, but more in-depth...

When you fixate on shifting (or even anything) this much, you start to force it. Aware of it or unaware of it, it starts to feel like you're pushing it. Shifting is supposed to be a smooth, fluid transition to the 4D, but when you tie all this pressure to the subject, all this work effort and decision making, it creates a block. You make your consciousness think this transition is the biggest hassle known to man when it's really not. And that kicks you into a rut that you aren't sure how to get out of.

I promise you if you forget about your DR for just a moment and pay attention to your surroundings, who you are here in your CR, what you like to do, what you're doing in this moment, you'll feel much better. Rested, almost. This is because you are focused on the NOW, nothing more, nothing less. You aren't worried about the attempt you're about to do later in bed. You are mindful, and that is all you need to take you to your DR.

You are too focused on what you need to do to shift, you aren't actually shifting. You aren't shifting because you aren't shifting. Literally!

Chapter takeaway? All this hyperfixation affects your success because you are distracted from what you are supposed to be doing. You aren't supposed to dwell on if something will work. You're supposed to do it so that it CAN work.

3. "HOW DO I FIX IT?"

"Alright, this all sounds pretty bad, but I can't end a bad habit if I don't know how to fix it!"

Right, right. How do you stop this and get yourself on the right track? I got you.

1. Minimize time spent thinking of your DR (or shifting in general)

Once a day, I want you to sit down and imagine your DR. In full detail or not, it doesn't matter. All I want you to do is be aware of it. Tell yourself you are there, then after as long as you feel like, get up and continue your day.

Just for this small amount of time, you are thinking about your DR. Only then. For the rest of the day, keep yourself busy. No tumblr, no tik tok, no reddit. Nothing. It's just you, the people and the events in your CR. That's it.

If you are planning to shift that day, well then good. Decide that in the morning before you start your day. Otherwise, not even a thought about shifting should erupt from your mind.

And if it does, that's okay. But you need to shake this thing of always thinking about your DR. Once you do, you will shift. Promise.

2. Practice self-love and build self-concept

Usually, the people who are always finding a guaranteed way to shift are people who don't believe in themselves. They think that if something is 100% going to work, their opinion on a subject won't matter because it is bound to happen anyway.

To some extent this is true, but it's not a healthy way to think. Focusing on your self-concept can change that! Instead of thinking about shifting, think about you. Take a warm bath, drink your favourite beverage.. You'll realize there's much more to living than just your DR.

Also, once you're confident in yourself, anything you think will shift you, will!

3. Be happy with your situation (express gratitude and stay positive!)

I know it might be hard, especially if you feel like you're stuck in your journey, but you need to keep your head up.

99% of gamblers quit before their big win. "When will my big win happen?" That's the fun part. You'll never know until it actually happens. That's why when you stop thinking so much about it, time passes quicker and you effortlessly receive what you want.

Incorporating gratitude into your thought process is good too. At the end of the day or in the morning, whichever you prefer, take a notebook and write down all you are grateful for. Just write it all down until there is nothing else to put on paper. Then read through it out loud, one by one like, "I am grateful for the support I receive from the people around me."

As you say each sentence, feel the actual feeling of gratitude in you. The more you do this exercise, the more you will actually realize how lucky and deserving you are.

CONCLUSION

Phew! What a long one.

Two good hours of writing and I'm not sure it's as clear as I would have liked it to be (I overthought about it a lot lol).

As you continue your journey, remember to stay aware of what you have now. Take care of yourself and your people and enjoy life for what it is now. Don't get into your head, "I have to shift now!" this and "I need my dream life now!" that. Ground yourself and know that where there's a will, there's a way. You'll be home before you know it.

Asks are open! Go ahead and ask questions if this was confusing...

(ᵕ—ᴗ—)

Love,

Nattie

[angels-and-glitters]

I need to COMPLAIN.

This is gonna sound edgy nerdy not so girblogger coded but let me getto out of my silly girlie pop character for a minute i am RAGING.

For context two days ago i suddenly remembered that WEBTOON exists after trowhing it in a black hole in my mind, so i re download it and i start reading one. Apart from the endorphines i forgot a good webtoon gave me,

(whole other talk about redescovering old intrests !!!even if they look silly!!! when you feel a dry mind)

I finished it in a couple of days, and as i usually did when concluding a webtoon, a comic or any possible thing i liked, i start looking for the edits so i can imagine myself being in that universe while playing them.

(its a physical need i swear)

(No judgment let me being a cringy kid at the sound age of eighteen thanks)

(Its a guilty pleasure.)

Getting to the point. I am in DISAPPOINT.

What the fuck are these dry stupid no personality rage triggering edits.

They are MID.

Feel free to be' offended i stand where i stand

What the hell are these kids doing!?!

I had to scroll through YEARS to find the good ones.

So i started my reaserches.

First of all, i got to the sad conclusion that instagram edits are going through extinction.

Back in the days (☝🏻) when tik tok (musically for the ancient) wasn't that big of a thing for edits, you went on instagram (at least i did!!) And they were TOP TIER.

Masterpieces.

I would've hanged them on my walls if they were physical.

They were energetic, fresh, powerful, you could tell who's edits were by they're style because the editor's styles were so different one another.

They fitted the medias perfectly and don't let me start on the transitions.

They were immaculate.

Perfect to the millimeter.

These type of edits made me immerge in the media even more, i had my favourite edits saved, (a LOT), and i watched them every night before going to sleep multiple times, they were a lullaby to the mind.

But on my trip to these new (and few) Instagram edits... I was horrified.

First of all, no character whatsoever is put in these digital scums, the personal style is gone.

Probably due to these ages generations who wants to look the same be one another fit into something precise (I dont have the strength to start another fuss I'll just keep going with my silly polemic) but the transitions.

They are MID MID MID even terrible.

Actually I hate them.

There is not an ounce of effort in those disturbing sliding of images.

There isn't flow, variations,good blends. They all look like they were made by 10 year olds (wich is prob the case) and don't tell me oh it's just the age they'll learn as they grow.

No.

I want the twelve year old freaks that edited like it was they're last day on earth.

Like theyre life depended on it.

Where did they go?!?

What's wrong with this generation? why didn't they pick up the heredity theyre ancestors gave them?

Why did they throw it all away?

Why are they descending into this madness abyss?

And the music choices.

Disgusting

They never match the mood of the fiction, or worse the mood of the edit itself.

And honestly they're just boring ass songs.

Now, what I said about these Instagram edits applies also for the tik tok ones, but with some differences.

First of all, because there's much more editors on tik tok now, luckily there are some exceptions.

Some good stuff that's going on, but for me it's still not enough. From the parameter of the golden age of edits, those edits are just.. average.

The average good stuff you save and lightly watch. Its hard to find an edit that makes you obsessed. It wasn't really back than.

And most of them still lack the personal style, that again, I think its crucial for the ideal enjoyment.

I also noticed that the capability of the editors changes based on wich media the edits are of.

Like for example the editors of jujutsu kaisen (dont ask me anything i didn't see it) aren't doing a so bad job.

Maybe because the target audience is older so are the editors, idk

But it still lacks something.

That sparkle that was there before

The one that made you crave to watch it again and again

Maybe it's just me who's lacking something I had before , and nothing else changed

In conclusion, I think the editing culture ended at the start of 2022.

Idk tell me you opinion so I don't feel crazy thanks!

(Sorry in advance for the bad english i'm not a native speaker or anything)

(Edit not sorry this is a masterpiece I should be employed somewhere my English is near perfection)

[dollsonmain]

A long ramble, just like every morning

I tend to feel like the bad guy in every situation. I was raised to think everything that happens is my fault, living with That Guy he’s used me as a scapegoat and blamed his own behavior on me, etc. which was normal to me when we met so I didn’t even think about it, and society at large is like “Never play the victim.” even when you are the victim.

So, even though everyone keeps telling me that I am not a narcissist, I still end up questioning myself every time some new little bit of info comes around.

The more I research and the more I observe, the thinner the line between a narcissist’s behavior and the behavior of their victim gets. The only difference is the motivation. I’ll sort of get into that as this goes.

-

Recently it’s been “A narcissist looks for their next victim immediately whereas their victim looks for themselves after a breakup.” and I was all ready to hop from That Guy to someone else if given the opportunity, not just because I do actually like the other guy but so that I wouldn’t have to transition from living here to homelessness which, knowing me, I would not survive. My friend was offering my son and me shelter and support while I tried to get my feet under me. I couldn’t accept that offer because he lives in another state and I can’t take my son across state lines due to my state’s laws regarding custody.

So I’ve been like “Is that me looking for someone else to use, or is that me taking up an offer from a friend that I happen to have a romantic interest in and accepting help?”

-

It is 100% me who has discarded That Guy, make no mistake.

He’s still trying to garner my favor now and then (right now he hates me, it comes and goes under very specific conditions (how often we have sex)). I hate him all of the time and no longer try to connect with him. I struggle to feel sympathy for him at all, and don’t bother to even talk to him most of the time because talking to him is a miserable experience for me.

It’s disturbing to me how cold I feel about him, because I’d never felt like that about anyone before. I’m always worried about how people feel and what they’re thinking. I always have to make sure the people around me are comfortable and happy whether I am or not.

I am prime bait for a narcissist and I know it.

I have to keep telling myself that 20+ years of financial, emotional, and sexual abuse is more than enough reason to turn cold toward someone and is different than a narcissist losing interest in someone that no longer puffs their ego.

-

I’ve learned that expressing emotions to him, especially anger, frustration, or sadness, makes him shut down and end a discussion so he doesn’t have to acknowledge that his behavior is the reason I’m having those emotions (or when it’s sadness caused by something like the passing of a loved one, he tries to make it all about him and his discomfort at me showing emotion somehow so I just keep it inside) so I’ve become the one that sits there impassive while he yells.

-

Another thing that had made me start rethinking again was that comic I reblogged yesterday about the narcissist that didn’t know how to show love because they were never taught and were now trying to learn with the help of their friends.

I grew up in a similar situation where I barely existed to my parents and my needs were not met in any capacity. I was home alone a lot as a little kid but so terrified of getting beaten that they knew I wouldn’t get up to anything and spent my childhood alone in my room for the most part.

I put in a lot of personal effort to learn how to be kind and sympathize with people in my 20′s.

The primary thing that comic had me thinking about was that I am absolutely not showing That Guy how to love. I am showing That Guy AND Son how to ignore someone that has abused them for decades.

But, again, always feeling like it’s all my fault, it’s like “Shouldn’t I be teaching him what love is like the comic artist’s friends, and how to express it instead of finally washing my hands of him and giving up? Am I not the asshole for saying ‘no more’? Aren’t I supposed to give myself whether I get anything in return because expecting anything in return is manipulative and transactional? Am I a bad person for turning away, and am I turning away because I’m tired of my needs being disregarded or because his behavior doesn’t puff my ego? Am I a narcissist?”

All that even though, from experience, me showing him love doesn’t result in reciprocity. He demands more and more without giving anything back and pushes for more and more control the more compliant I become. Give a mouse a cookie.

He complains about the cost of food whether I’m being his little on-demand blow job giving housekeeping yes-man or I’m telling him to take responsibility for how his behavior hurts others, correcting him when he’s provably wrong, making him clean his own car, and wash his own work shirts.

He’s no kinder to anyone around him no matter how much love I show him and I haven’t loved him for a very long time.

But the... Tumblr won’t do the quote indent for some reason...

“The more I research and the more I observe, the thinner the line between a narcissist’s behavior and the behavior of their victim gets. The only difference is the motivation.”

part has me constantly questioning my own motivations.

[carolmunson]

just getting my feelings out about stuff and will delete later but it's body/weight/ED related so heavy TW if you choose to click on it.

I hate how my body looks and feels right now and I miss being disordered. I feel like I'm disordered in the opposite direction -- but I miss having a seven page long list of fear foods, I miss weighing my food, I miss the satisfaction of emptiness and feeling 'proud' of not eating. I've gained weight in the past year and a half and of course I have -- I literally went through multiple huge life transitions, started a business, went back to my freelance career after Covid, struggled a lot, moved into my own place, etc. I'm tired and overwhelmed. I'm finally letting myself hurt over things that have hurt me. But it's like -- because so much of my life feels out of control now I need something to focus on. And fuck my body is so ugly to me. I feel like I look so mishapen and embarrassing, like a monster. And I know what to do if I want to lose weight but I also know I can't do it without getting restrictive and starving and I hate that I want that again. At the same turn, I love working out and I love cooking for myself but it almost seems moot because it'll take forever to see changes and I hate that it's not instant. I hate putting in so much effort for such little pay off over time. It's going to be even harder to lose weight now that I'm in my thirties and I just feel so trapped in this stupid fucking body that I've hated forever and I'm annoyed that I'm ugly and look like this because it effects so much in my daily life. Like, God, I wish I was skinny for a literal day just to know what it feels like. Anyway -- I'm sure I'll be over this by tomorrow, but I just needed to vent about my feelings rn. Will delete soon.

[omori-aus-archive]

OMORI: Justice League AU idea

So, since I'm back on a DC kick, I figured that I'd make a prompt for a JLA Omori AU.

Basically, Mari and Sunny take the roles of Superman, but different depictions of him. Hero and Kel are basically Terry McGinnis and Richard Grayson Batman. Aubrey is Wonder Woman. I have NO idea who Basil would be....

Don't expect any evil versions of the characters, because I hate the idea of evil versions of the characters. Omori's characters already have a shit load of demonization and vilification in this damn fandom....

Mari and Sunny

So, everything would be similar to Superman's origin. Mari and Sunny are the last children of Krypton and are sent to Earth for their safety. Their origins are unexpectedly revealed by the time Mari is 15 and Sunny is 12.

I don't know if they'd have the same upbringing as they did in-canon or not, but it'd probably be similar.

Sunny would be more similar to Earth One Superman, as Earth One has Clark feel a little more doubtful and uncertain with his place in the world. Mari would be more similar to Superman in Birthright, which has Clark tackle these challenges with excitement and adventure.

Around this time, Mari's 19 and Sunny's 16.

Both would eventually become similar to DCAU, DCAMU, and/or MAWS Superman, due to their growing influence on the world and possibly struggling with their inner demons. Not to mention the struggles with keeping their identities a secret from a lot of people they care about.

Mari and Sunny are in their early 20s now. Also, here is where things get different.

Mari, in a response to this, would probably leave Faraway for a while in an effort to rediscover herself. Sunny, meanwhile, would let the people around him help him rekindle his spirit. They both need help for sure, but said help comes in different forms.

Their costumes would most likely change to reflect these transitions.

Hero and Kel

So, this might be confusing, but try to hear me out.

Hero and Kel's father was basically the OG Batman, though has since retired. When Hero and Kel discover his secret, he's convinced to train them.

Hero and Kel both prove to be extraordinary, but after their father's sudden passing due to heart complications, Kel chooses to become his own hero as he feels unworthy to the title.

For most of their teen years, things go somewhat smoothly, as Hero proves to be a very effective Batman and Kel his own vigilante.

However, after the formation of the league, things slowly grow out of hand. Hero eventually becomes increasingly aggressive, due to the expectations of the police.

Kel, now 19, is forced to take the mantle away from Hero. No one intervenes. Mari and Sunny wish for Kel to save Hero from himself. Aubrey, at the moment, is unaware of the conflict.

Sure enough, Mari and Sunny's hopes come true as Kel successfully convinces Hero to surrender, thus becoming the new Batman.

Kel serves as Batman while Sunny and Mari deal with their personal issues. Hero, on Kel's advice, is put through therapy. Eventually, when Mari returns, Hero's healthy enough to become Batman again.

Aubrey (and Basil)

So, Aubrey definitely had a different upbringing.

Here, her father is indeed a vessel for Zeus...and after things start getting worse for her nearing her teenage years, the god used his power to give Aubrey a better childhood.

This meant that he sent her to the past and to the land of the Amazons, where they raised her to be a warrior, though due to her remembering her connections with Hero, Kel, Basil, Mari, and Sunny, she would develop a sense of justice.

She was applauded for her choice and made the Knight Eternal of the realm of humanity. After turning 16, she was returned to Faraway, before taking residence with Basil, his grandmother, and Polly.

Of course, after the formation of the league, things slowly become more complicated and leads Aubrey needing to find if she's doing the right thing.

It's through Basil and Kel that she's able to remind and recommit herself to her choice to protect and help others. Again, her costume would be revamped to reflect this.

I don't know if there's such thing as the Legion of Doom here, but maybe there would be? Perhaps the SOMETHINGs are actual people and become this AU's Legion of Doom. Dunno.

Now that I think about it, one of the SOMETHINGS could essentially be a symbiote-esque villain, like Venom and Carnage.

[sad-soul-nessaaa]

i just wanted to share for all my girlies & moots who are actively struggling with binging 🙊

firstly, please do not feel embarrassed. more of us go back & forth, binging and starving, but only openly talk about starving. you are not a party of 1. i think it helps to know that you aren’t the only one with deep dark secrets.

secondly, if you are actively in a state where you’re not doing any starving, solely binging and can’t get out of it, this was my trick:

over time, we all learn what times of day are easiest to fast, starve, or avoid food. i’m not in school ofc (minors pls DNI) i work in a clinic. in my professional opinion, i don’t want clinic or hospital staff touching me or talking to me with gross food residue on their hands or lingering on their breath so for me, it is an easy environment to get away with not eating. working with patients, sometimes that can turn into a 12 hour fast all on its own. i use my work schedule and consider it a safe zone/hours of fasting which allowed me to use time not at work (home) where binging really starts to take over your mind.

i started dedicating my days off to eating whatever it is i’m craving (not just any foods, but try to think about what you want most so that it’s not as much a wasted effort. a poptart today won’t cover my pasta craving for tomorrow). i completely give into myself, but stay reasonable and know i’m back at work the rest of the week which will automatically give my body time to fast away the shit i ate.

(i also take 1-2 diet pills before i start work each day for energy boost paired with a low cal monster & i love it)

in the beginning, my binging was so bad that i needed to allot myself extra binge days here or there without the shame & self hate that always followed. love yourself enough to give yourself a grace period. it takes time for your body to adjust and recognize new limits. even allowing myself those days, my body still started to slim out, stomach flattened, all because instead of binging all day/night, sneaking food here and there, i was able to eliminate my body telling me when it was time to binge. i got to decide. i wasn’t craving fries at 1am when i woke up to pee because i allowed myself that mcdonald’s meal at 4pm and gave my body time to start it’s fast at night.

my cravings now are far far less intense, less often, & now when i give in i can only eat half the amount i used to easily put away. i don’t have to lie when i say i am full. the feeling of being full is way less appetizing when you allow yourself to give in when you really needed to.

*also keep in mind the body’s process of digesting food. certain foods and trigger certain cravings. certain times of the day that you eat can entice you to be hungry again in a certain amount of time. it’s all a cycle. i pretend it’s double dutch and i get to choose when i hop in and hop out.

*also note that this is meant to help those transition from binging to starving or even from binging to a healthy eating routine. this ofc is not what i did when i was strictly starving, but if you’re not in this phase of life now, it will happen one day. we all have to get over the hump and back to ourselves again. you’re not a lost cause bc you lost yourself. here you were the whole time 💗

[shinra-makonoid]

Fixing distress over pronouns = therapy and self confidence.

Fixing distress over your body = conversion therapy.

Those are just not something you should classify together.

If someone doesn't give a fuck about their physical dysphoria then they don't meet the criteria of having gender dysphoria. It's literally a distressed state, it's in the name, dysphoria. This kind of speech is very ableist. Could you imagine if we started saying that you could just "not give a fuck" about having a neurodevelopmental condition? Sorry, it doesn't work like this. Neither I nor anyone can choose to stop having dysphoria just like this, it impacts our lives out in a major way. Even the people who fixed part or all their dysphoria through surgery and hormones acknowledge it dramatically impacted the course of their lives and it took time, money, efforts and patience to see it through. Things that could have been used for literally anything else.

I don't know you, idk if you have dysphoria or not, I don't care. You're not the only person seeing this post either, i didn't write my post being like "i'm sure this person doesn't know what dysphoria is" my point was "this anon was not nice, but I do think we should think about the classification of pronouns, while it can harm people to not be called the right pronouns, can it be really classified as gender dysphoria? It seems like comparing tomatoes and potatoes" and turns out you don't think so and you took offense in regards to questioning it. That's a you issue. The specific same kind of discussion could be held regarding "height dysphoria", and do you know why I think it's not gender dysphoria? Because when I started seeing more people my size I wasn't bothered by it anymore. And it's physical, but it's also social. I was really bothered by it but it's almost fixed now. It wasn't gender dysphoria, I didn't need to get my legs extended to finally feel comfortable in my body. And it's a good thing, it means it's possible to manage it.

That doesn't go further than that, but instead of accepting the idea that someone can think differently and still accept you, you decided it meant I hated you and thought so many things about you, when I literally didn't. You invented all of that in your head and then decided it was me who thought that. I don't. I've been transitioning for more than 5 years, do you really think I still care about the gender anyone has? Seriously I have other things to do in my life, and your gender doesn't affect me at all.

And again, it fell on you because I saw that post, and find it honestly bizarre to put them on the same classification, you could have been the most binary trans person, I'd still think if you have issues with people misgendering you it's something you should take up with a shrink, to find ways to make it less problematic in your life (like with CBT for example) because it's definitely its own issue and taking T/having surgery won't fix that. I even never said you weren't suffering???

I didn't realize it was a touchy subject and now I know, I didn't mean to hurt you at all either. So well, whatever man I'm sorry. I'm not replying further, make of that what you want, my dms are open if you want.

You don't get the right to compare people refusing to call you it/it's to actual transphobia. This take is so chronically online and divorced from actual reality it hurts to see. are you dysphoric from people not calling you it/it's? No. It hurts you in no way besides not receiving the attention and validation from an identity you created for yourself. Honestly though if you want to use it/it's with people who actually consent to using them for you then great! Just don't force it on people. This pronoun is inherently dehumanizing so it makes sense that it would make people uncomfortable (we literally only use it for objects, and me personally i dont even like using it for animals) Your experience is very different from a trans women or trans man, so have some respect and stop pretending you're oppressed for this.

[ithinkinggenshin]

Hu Tao Smut

Fandom: Geshin Impact

Characters: Hu Tao 

Pairings: Fem!Reader x Hu Tao 

Warnings: SMUT, dubcon, bdsm, pain kink, possessive behavior, degradation, sex toys, incorrect characterization

Word count: 745

Synopsis: I couldn’t be bothered to find a good way to transition Hu Tao's part in Hicky Prank into the pure smut I thought of so I just wrote it seperately

Note: (Not required) Probably read Hu Tao’s part in the Hickey Prank fic before this to have a little idea of how this started.

Why is her strap so big? You can’t breathe as she thrusts it down your throat. Your back is against the bed and she’s on her hands and knees, cock sliding in and out of your throat. 

She doesn’t stop talking. Her mantra and claims of you being hers now play inside your head. You’ll hear them as you walk down the street the next day, as sore from her spanking and an aching inside of you from how hard she pounded your pussy. 

Your nipples are bright red and sensitive, but that only gives Hu Tao more joy as she clips heavy nipple clamps onto them. The cry you make around the ball gag she put in your mouth– after she finished making you choke and suffocate on her cock– is music to her ears. 

Your spit is the only lube you get and her tip teasing your entrance for half a second is the only prep you get before she bottoms out inside you. She sets a brutal pace and you’re rocking against the bed, cries and moans mixing together only to sound the same behind the gag. Your ass is too raw and sensitive from the punishing whipping it received, so for you to be shoved and pulled against the sheets only worsens the burn. 

Hu Tao yanks the chains on the nipple clamps and your soft hills turn into sharp peaks. Your wails and keening has her sighing happily. Isn’t she such a good girlfriend? 

Say it.

Say she’s a good girlfriend.

Thank her for fucking you. 

Doesn’t she deserve a reward?

After all, you’re moaning <and crying> so prettily after playing such a nasty trick on her. 

Say it.

Say it.

SAY IT.

Oh that’s right. You can’t form words. Your pathetic brain has turned to mush. 

That’s okay. 

She’ll take her reward another way. 

You breathe erratically and thrash when you feel the tip of her massive strap poke at your asshole. 

Oh nonononono

It won’t fit. It’ll hurt so much. 

Nonononono

Hu Tao holds you down by your hips. The chains pulling against the clamps pull hard as you fight and squirm. You’re only making it worse for yourself. 

Your girlfriend moans as she forces her way inside you, and you hate to admit it, but when the widest part of her cock is past your entrance, you moan loudly yourself. 

It feels good. 

You’re embarrassed that you’re getting so much pleasure from this. 

You’ve settled down mostly, still shifting every now and then. Her cock is too big to be comfortable with inside of you but without it you feel so empty. 

Hu Tao is taking her time now. Her languid movements of pulling the toy almost all the way out of you, and then forcing it back in. You feel like it reaches deeper every time. You always think that it’s all the way inside of you, only for her to push your thighs apart further and keep going. 

You cum without any warning. You cum without her touching your clit or being inside your cunt. 

“Aiya! You came before me. Did it feel good? Do you like having your ass stretched and filled with my dick? You must love all of this then. Maybe I should leave your holes plugged more often. Make you pierce your nipples so you always feel like there’s clamps on them. Would you like that? Would you cum in your panties just from walking down the street? You’re such a shameless slut. You would probably be fine if I just taped off your cunt and never touched your clitty again. You just came from just a toy in your ass and some tugging on your nipples. No need to put more effort into making you cum.” 

You should feel horrified by all the things she’s saying, by the humiliating things she’s conspiring to do to you. And maybe a small part of you that still has some dignity does. But the debauched side of you is too great and it wins in the end. You hear yourself moan as more atrocious scenarios come spewing out of her mouth. 

To think all of this would come from a few poorly painted on bruises. 

No one beats Hu Tao at her own game, and any attempts will be squashed. 

A single spark and flame will be met with an ocean of fire. 

And you’re all too happy to be consumed by it. 

[elysianslove]

haikyuu boys and tropes that suit them!

includes: kageyama tobio, iwaizumi hajime, oikawa tōru, sakusa kiyoomi, miya osamu, miya atsumu, suna rintarō

(possibly part 1??? consider this an apology for not posting as much 💔)

kageyama tobio — practice kissing. 

kageyama is, as embarrassing as it is for him to admit this, inexperienced, greatly so. he’s in his third year of high school, 18, and is yet to have his first kiss. college is approaching him dauntingly quick, and he doesn’t think he can handle being as clueless as he is for any longer. so while you’re sat on his bed scrolling through his phone, he bluntly asks you if you’ve ever kissed someone. he seemed so confident, and the words were straightforward and lacked any sign of anxiety or uneasiness. but the moment they left his mouth, he’s red in the face and his hands are shaking. when you agree to help him practice, he’s scared, shy, flustered, and his heart is in his throat, but he lets you lead the, setting the pace yourself as you sit before him, his face in your hands, pulling him closer to you. it’s electrifying, to put it to the least. he’d heard a million horror stories from his upperclassmen about first kisses, but he finds himself unable to relate. everything about the kiss and you is perfect, and he asks for more practice, starts looking forward to theses ‘sessions.’ he starts growing more and more confident, until he’s the one flustering you, the one making you gasp and squirm and mewl, not the other way around. and maybe he’ll find it in him to confess. maybe. 

iwaizumi hajime — friends to lovers. 

in general, with iwaizumi, he has a hard time believing in that he’s meant for a relationship, in that he has his own person, and for many reasons. he tries to be rational about it, saying he has other priorities at the moment, that he won’t be able to give his all, that he’s not particularly ready or in the right headspace/situation to commit to a person and a relationship. but it’s also, deep down, because of this indescribable fear of not being enough, of his flaws being too much, of being too imperfect. he just chooses not to get a headache over it, honestly. that’s why friends to lovers is perfect for him. it’s this person who he’s known for a long time, someone he’s come to know so well, so deeply, and vice versa. they’ve seen the bad and good of each other, been through all the ups and downs, learnt all their quirks, their habits, their tendencies. this is someone who is already a priority, someone who is already a constant. of course, he still hurts his head thinking about how wrong it is to have feelings for his friend, and the shame and guilt eats at him from the inside out. but it’s just so— easy. to love them. it’s so, so easy, as easy as breathing. and iwaizumi spends such a large amount of time pining and yearning that the final straw, the snap, the breathless confession, is so satisfying. 

oikawa tōru — enemies to lovers. 

oikawa wants and needs someone that’ll both keep him on his toes, always pushing him to the very edge but not completely over. he needs someone that excites him, someone that he has to work to earn. the word enemies is blurry to him. all he sees is someone playing hard to get, and he takes it as a challenge. it’s not that he wants and needs everyone to be in love with him and how dare you not be swooning at the sight of me!! it’s more that this person intrigues him impossibly. this person challenges him, bites back, and bites back hard. and the transition from enemies to lovers is so smooth with him, because it’s unpredictable and unexpected. one moment you’re swearing at him across the hall, the next you’re tenderly massaging at his injured knee and reassuring him of his hard work and efforts. it’s beautiful, really. the snarky comments and the flirty comebacks and the glares returned with playful grins, and them the moment of realization that opens up a whole new door that this person isn’t so bad after all. the satisfaction of finally giving in, either so slowly, so carefully and timidly, or rushed, hurried and desperate. so good. 

sakusa kiyoomi — there was only one bed! 

sakusa does not share. it’s nothing personal (sometimes it is), but he just prefers to have his own private space, where he can be comfortable. but things happen! like a trip where you’re stuck in the same room! and there’s only one bed! and the person you’re stuck with is the same person you’re very confused in regards to your feelings about them! the trip is a couple of days, and so it starts with the offer to sleep on the couch. it’s very uncomfortable, but he does it anyways, because a) he’s a gentleman, and b) you both now each have your private, safe space. two days pass, and you both tiredly pass out on the bed next to one another. he wakes up before you in horror and falls onto the couch quickly, but he doesn’t fall asleep again. as if this were fate’s play, you find yourself unable to sleep, and neither can he, so you quietly scoot over, a silent invitation. reluctantly, he accepts. he doesn’t spend that night sleeping either, instead simply stares at you, his hand outreaching for you, but not quite touching. eventually comes a day when he wakes up with your face buried in his shoulder, and although his cheeks are as warm as ever, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable. he only feels grateful to be finally touching you. 

miya osamu — soft only for their lover. 

it’s not that osamu is rude to others, or hates everyone else, or anything along those lines. it’s more that he’s less likely to open up, be vulnerable, be softer, easier than compared to with his partner. with his lover, he smiles easier, expressions are readable, his eyes always a dead giveaway to what’s on his mind. he’s colder and less approachable to others, but it’s almost as if his resolve melts the moment he spots his lover. he could be yelling at someone, angrily, then turn to his partner and in the softest voice say, “just a moment, my love,” and go back to yelling as if it were completely normal. similarly, he will always take his lover’s side of the argument regardless of whether they’re right or wrong. and, he’ll be kissing his lover, but pause for a moment to deck his brother, then return to kissing his lover again even softer. it’s because his lover owns such a big part of his heart, and when osamu loves, he loves with every part of him. he’s been called out on it multiple times; the fact that he’s so much meaner and harsher and stubborn with everyone else, including his brother, but it’s always the opposite with you. you are his soft spot, really, and it tickles your tummy whenever you notice the little changes and shifts in his attitude and personality when it comes to you. 

miya atsumu — enemies to lovers. 

unlike with oikawa’s case, you and atsumu genuinely hate each other. you despise his attitude, his cockiness, his ideals, his approaches, his voice, his hair, everything, and likewise, he can’t stand you. he’d only ever been rude to you, and in response, you’d defended yourself by being equally as rude. this isn’t playing hard to get enemies, this is i hate your guts enemies. rarely does being in a room with him not result in some sort of argument. your mutual friends are all fed up, of the arguments, the fighting, the smack talk behind one another’s backs, the complaining, everything. it’s infuriating, and so they beg you to talk it out, to try and resolve whatever it was going on between you, but either he wouldn’t cooperate, or you wouldn’t. it seemed hopeless, until at some point in time, you get badly hurt, maybe mentally or physically, but atsumu finds himself worried unbelievably. it’s irrational to be, especially with your history with one another. but he’s worried, insanely so, and when he finds you, finds out you’re okay, or you will be, the relief that fills him is dizzying and so, scary. but maybe the both of you were just projecting onto each other, the fact that you so badly wanted each other but felt like you couldn’t do anything. 

suna rintarō — brother’s best friend. 

it’s a dash of forbidden love, a dash of friends to lovers. he’s your brother’s best friend, older than you, and it’s wrong, you know it is, but you can’t help it. on the days he’s invited over, you purposely make sure to stay at home, and you make excuses to pass by your brother’s room constantly, to talk to him. he knows you like him, knows you’re desperately chasing after him in your own subtle way, and for a while, suna lets you. he acts dumb, none the wiser, lets you have your little fun of sneaking snaps of him to send to your friends and when you purposely press your leg against his sitting next to him on the couch or when you offer your lollipop after you suck on it. he indulges you, slightly, subtly. and when he sees it suitable, finds it right, he starts to return the advances: he accidentally arrives a little earlier than planned to your home when he’s invited, and he passed by you in school more often, and he makes up excuses to text you all the time. eventually, the sexual tension is unbearable, suffocating, incredibly overwhelming, and when it snaps, nothing else matters. just the two of you. he’s experienced, good with his words and his hands and his mouth and he’s a dream. and all you do is fall deeper, and deeper, and deeper. 

[aprilblossomgirl]

'Lines of Power' is not really my strength, but I'm tempted to answer this challenge by @luckydragon10 for some scenes of my favorite pair, Kim & Chay, as I have some thoughts about them. I don't know if someone already touched on these, but I'm just gonna give it a try. And I'll just make a separate post instead of a reblog just in case it gets too long.

Porchay.

The tilted, firm horizontal lines give off an imbalance and unsettling feeling; they also act as a divider of Chay's mental state. In the first image, the camera was focused on Chay and perhaps the many things on his mind. Here, he was shown from the back looking downward outside the window using a medium shot with a bit of low angle. Now that his brother is officially part of the mafia power, he needs to find a footing for himself in navigating his new 'chapter' of life in the Theerapanyakul's environment. It's not surprising if, at this point, he starts questioning his life goals or purposes, apart from being a little brother of the head of the minor family.

In the next couple of images, he diverts his view to the left, to the guitar leaning on the wall, HIS guitar. And then, slowly, he took it and stared at it as if contemplating returning to his love for music. Music has always been his passion, apart from his admiration of Wik (and later, Kim).

The interior vs. exterior view on the left vs. on the right symbolizes Chay's inner heart and outside-influenced thoughts. He hesitated for a moment and looked towards the outside again but eventually decided to sit comfortably playing his guitar and music.

Notice that the camera slowly took steps back, and the angle transitioned to a more human-level shot, providing a long shot of Chay within his room with outside views as background. Chay tries reconnecting with his music and finding peace internally amidst his external thoughts and concerns.

Distraction came in the name of a video message coming from Kim. It was started with a friend request, of course, because he's still blocked. The previews of the messages were shown between two horizontal lines of the window frames, occupying a definite space in Chay's mind (or heart) reserved for Kim (or Wik, or Kimhant).

I hate to see Chay crying, but this shot is necessary. It's a close shot of Chay's expression, with many vertical (decorative, fine) lines coming from/to his head, showing possible conflicts running through him. He missed Kim; he couldn't yet bring himself to forget him, but he clearly couldn't forget him. He finally chose to see his message. Perhaps this one got through Chay's heart because it's music, the language both understand very well (a bit out of the discussion).

A bit of step back, Chay alternated his gaze towards the outside view and his phone screen. This reveals his inner conflict between continue facing his own feeling or keep putting them on hold. Or maybe, he just needs more time to process his emotions.

Kim.

In architecture or building design, stairs are used to direct and move people up and down vertically. The railings (in this image are the steel frames) are there for safety reasons so that you don't fall while moving. In the first image, Kim sat on the stairs behind the railing bars. We could see this scene as him being caged or restrained from expressing this feeling towards Chay (as we saw manifested in the previous scenes). Smoking could indicate opposite things, whether he's feeling relaxed or stressed about it. Or, it could be just an effort to buy time for himself (another out of the discussion).

In the next image, Kim turned around as if anticipating something to signal what his next move should be. Perhaps any sounds or movements to indicate Chay's reaction to the aftermath of his fight at the bar. Or maybe simply just making sure he's fine.

In the last image, he went downstairs (after confirming Chay's okay), following the lines of the railing bars, to the ground. Somehow this foreshadows his subsequent scenes: recording himself singing while playing guitar and sending it to Chay. I see it as Kim finally comes to terms with his feelings toward Chay and decides to face and work on it.

=====================

And that's the kind of an open end we got for Kim and Chay. One finally trying to reach out (still with his awkwardness), and one trying to open up and trust again. But sure, both need time at their own pace.

[ginisbetterthanfirewhisky]

Thank you so much for tagging me! ❤️

What are you most proud of your writing right now?

I am really proud of my OotP missing moment that I haven't published yet. I am content just staring at my computer screen and admiring the words.

What is your process for going about writing a new chapter?

Sometimes I have these spontaneous ideas in the middle of the night that I have to write down in my journal immediately, while other times I stare at my screen for a long time searching for something to write. I can't sit down for a long time simply to write anymore because I've just started med school and there's too much to do

Describe your editing process.

I don't use tools like Grammarly as I'm scared of privacy issues, but I read through my fic at least once before posting, imagining myself as a neutral reader and try to decide if I'd like the fic if I hadn't written it. In doing so, I usually catch a few grammatical errors and continuity issues here and there. I started writing fanfiction at fourteen, and I like to think I've improved since then.

Is there a character’s voice that you struggle with? What about one you find easy to write?

Luna. I hate writing her. She's so complicated as a character. The same goes with Snape and Dumbledore. I have to try hard to make sure they don't end up as caricatures. English isn't my first (or even my second) language, so writing Hagrid's accent is a bit difficult for me.

I love writing Hermione. She's the character I relate to the most. so her voice comes naturally to me. Since the books are in Harry's perspective, it's easy to capture his voice too.

Where you do find yourself “hung up” while writing?

Most of the fanfic ideas I get are not very detailed. They're centrered around some major plot point and there are a lot of fillers before I can reach at that point.

I also have a point with scene changing, it always seems off to me whenever I reread my work. Again, most conversations I have irl are not in English, so I need to make a conscious effort to ensure that my dialogue flows naturally and is not stuffy and formal and all Percy-ish.

What methods do you use to get out of “hang ups” while writing?

I just re-read some of my published and unpublished chapters and try to gain some confidence.

What piece of advice did you hear/read recently that’s been helping you to improve your writing?

@iloveyou-writers posts such wholesome advice! Their advice about writing for yourself have been really helpful! I have not completed a single multi-chaptered story so far, and I haven't written anything in months, but it's okay because I am writing for my own pleasure, not out of a compulsion.

What do you feel that you are naturally talented with in terms of creative writing?

I think I have a good vocabulary and don't struggle much with grammar. I am also good with making sure my characterisations align well with canon.

Do you have any personal pet peeves about your writing that you’re working to change?

I'm very bad at transition scenes and I'm trying to change that.

Who/what is your greatest inspiration for your current story?

I recently heard a beautiful song on the radio titled "Maana ke Hum Yaar Nahi" (I admit that we are not friends). The lyrics are really lovely, and they inspired me to write 'If Only'.

Do you have anything you are self-conscious about in your writing?

I read other authors' work, and I feel extremely inadequate about my own writing. I am not a very good storyteller, and I'm not particularly creative either. Emotional scenes and conversations are not my strong suit.

Is there something you wish readers would pick up on more in your stories?

I put a lot of work into mental monologues, so I'd love it if someone picks up the unsaid significance of certain thoughts and actions. I'm not particularly witty, but I try to add a few lines here and there that make me laugh, and it would really make my day if those little throwaway lines make someone else smile too!

Where are you currently at in your writing mindset? Frustrated? Excited? Focused? Other?

I've currently taken an indefinite break from writing since I have to focus on medical school, but I try to write whenever I'm free. It is a great de-stress method, even when I don't post my work.

Are there emotions that come to you easily while writing? Or ones that are difficult for you to describe?

Unrequited Love. LOL. I think I'm very good at describing it. Years of scrolling through gloomy pinterest pages filled with unrequited love quotes kind of does that to you.

I'm not very good at describing grief or trauma. I see authors handling such topics so well and I am always awed by them.

Who is another author (fanfic or otherwise) that you admire? Why?

SO MANY. Literally every Harry Potter fanfiction I have read has tremendously inspired me. The first author whose work motivated by was @floreatcastellumposts , with her amazing way with words and her perfect characterisations.

I've always been a fan of how J.K. Rowling can create an entire universe from scratch, and all these three dimensional characters with their own talents and flaws. I also love Jane Austen, Georgette Heyer, Agatha Christie, and Stephen King's work.

All my favourites have already been tagged, but I was wondering if @honeydukesheroine has answered this too? I'd love to know more about their writing process!

Writer's Asks 🖌️

Because I'm skirting my responsibilities and nosy. I've been having a lot of chats with other writers recently, and curious to hear more about their writing processes!

What are you most proud of your writing right now?

Is there something you're specifically working on to improve your writing?

What is your process for going about writing a new chapter?

Describe your editing process.

Is there a character's voice that you struggle with? What about one you find easy to write?

Where you do find yourself "hung up" while writing?

What methods do you use to get out of "hang ups" while writing?

What piece of advice did you hear/read recently that's been helping you to improve your writing?

What do you feel that you are naturally talented with in terms of creative writing?

Do you have any personal pet peeves about your writing that you're working to change?

How do you plan out your story writing process? For chapters and/or the entire story?

Who/what is your greatest inspiration for your current story?

Do you have anything you are self-conscious about in your writing?

Is there something you wish readers would pick up on more in your stories?

Talk to me about how you go about word choice. Do you have an example of your writing that you're particularly proud of clever word choice?

Where are you currently at in your writing mindset? Frustrated? Excited? Focused? Other?

How do you use reading material to help you with your own writing?

Are there emotions that come to you easily while writing? Or ones that are difficult for you to describe?

Who is another author (fanfic or otherwise) that you admire? Why?

When do you get most of your ideas and inspiration for writing?

Reblog if you'd like to participate and tag some friends!

@fizzyginfizz @curse-04 @ginnyw-potter @rmwb-fanfics @deadwoodpecker @turanga4 @greenhousethree @welsh-green @four2andnew @ginisbetterthanfirewhisky @seriouslysam8 @ritualoflovesmemory

[gracebutnotgraceful]

change - ted lasso

pairing: ted lasso x gn!reader, no Y/N but use of ‘babes’ and ‘dear’

warnings: language, drinking, birthday-scaries 

word count: 1.3k

notes: sorry again for no fic last week, it was a very stressful very busy week!!! hopefully this makes up for it! my birthday is coming up soon and i’m not big on celebrating, so this is incredibly self indulgent haha but i hope you enjoy!!! 

summary: you don’t like celebrating your birthday. ted finds a way to change that. 

You’d never been the biggest fan of birthdays, and year after year Keeley tried to change that. This year seemed to be no exception. Keeley letting you pick the place you guys were going to meet for your birthday dinner should have been your first hint. Despite your best efforts to dissuade her, you were pretty sure you were getting a surprise party. Walking into the jam-packed   pub, you were certain of it. You were greeted by a mismatched shouting of ‘surprise’ and Keeley running up to you wearing a pink feather boa.

“Babes! Happy Birthday! I know you said not to, but I just want to celebrate you! Come on, let’s go get you a drink,” She drapes a bright purple boa around your own neck before grabbing your hand and pulling you over to the bar. 

“Happy birthday, dear. First one’s on me,” Mae set a pint in front of you with a smile.

“Thank you, Mae,” you smiled in response as you picked up the glass. Keeley put her drink on her tab and led you over to a table. Rebecca, Roy, Beard, Jane, and Ted were all waiting. 

“Woah, didn’t expect to see you all here,” you joked, giving Keeley a side-eye.

“Come on!” She slapped at your shoulder. “At least act like you’re enjoying yourself.” You playfully rolled your eyes as you two sat down. 

The others at the table greeted you, a chorus of ‘happy birthday’ ringing out before transitioning to conversation. 

“Wait, wait, he had the team dump an entire cooler of that stuff on you? Ted! Gatorade is so sticky! That’s disgusting!” You laughed.

“I would fucking murder someone.” Roy added.

“Can’t say I didn’t think about it,” Beard responded, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Aw, Beard. You know it made for a good memory.” Ted chuckled.

“I’ll never drink orange gatorade again, Coach.” He answered. 

“Speaking of drink,” you lifted your empty glass, “I’ll be back.” 

“Hey, I got it. It’s your birthday, no buying your own drinks.” Ted starts to stand. You wave your hand at him and shake your head.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m, uh, going to stop by the bathroom, too.” You smile.

You walk towards the bathrooms at the back of the pub. With a glance back at the table to make sure no one’s watching you, you slip out the back door. The air is cool, and it’s just what you needed. You take a deep breath, leaning against the side of the building.

You were glad that Keeley went small, only inviting your mutual friends from work, but some part of you still felt uncomfortable. You knew you’d have to go back inside soon to keep from looking like you’d left, but it was nice to just have a second to yourself. You looked up at the sky. It wasn’t a super clear night, but you could still see some stars. You spun around at the sound of the door opening behind you. It was Ted. 

“You know, sneaking away is a lil’ less obvious when you don’t look back,” Ted joked. You gave a small laugh in response. He held your gaze for a minute, studying you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just…” you sighed. “I hate celebrating my birthday, I guess.” You turned to lean your back against the wall again, looking back at the stars. Ted walked over to stand next to you, following your eyes upward.

“I managed to gather that. You got a reason why?” He shook his head. “Wait, you don’t have to answer that if it’s too personal. I get it.” 

“Oh, no, no, it’s okay.” You gave him a reassuring smile. He relaxed a little against the wall. “Birthdays just feel like the day you’re supposed to reflect on who you are and, you know, how you’ve grown. I hate that. It just feels like a reminder that things are always changing, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” You look over at him. He’s watching you, holding on to every word you’re saying. 

“Change.” He shrugs. “Supposed to be a good thing, yeah?” 

“Then why is it so fucking scary?” You whisper. 

“‘Cause there’s nothin’ you can do about it,” he answers, echoing your words back to you. “Not all of it at least. You deserve a day to celebrate, though. Why not think of your birthday as another year of getting through all that scary change you can’t control?”

“That might make it a little better,” you agree, smiling at him. “Thank you.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” He responds. “You ready to get back in there and celebrate?” 

“Yeah, let’s do it.” You nod, following him back inside. 

“There you are! So much for a drink and the loo.” Keeley raised an eyebrow at you.

“Gosh, I think I got lost.” You replied with a sheepish grin. 

“Yeah, yeah. Well, I just wanted to let you blow out your candles.” she replied. You pulled her into a hug. 

“Thank you for always celebrating me,” you whispered. She squeezed you back.

“You’re my best friend. Of course.” she answered, pulling the cake across the table so it was in front of you. “Now I did swear we wouldn’t sing, but you do have to make a wish.” You laughed, closing your eyes and thinking before opening them and blowing the candles out. 

“Oh, what’d you wish for?” Ted asked as you handed him a slice.

“Are you crazy? I can’t tell you! It won’t come true!” You exclaimed. 

You talked and laughed with the group for a little while longer as you all devoured the cake. As the night grew later people began to break off to head home, first Beard and Jane, then Rebecca. 

“Are you gonna be okay? We can take you home,” Keeley asked, gathering her things as her and Roy prepared to leave.

“Don’t worry about it. I can walk them home!” Ted answered for you. You smiled at him. Keeley wagged her eyebrows at you when Ted wasn’t looking. You pretended you didn’t notice.

“Thank you, Keeley. Good night!” You gave her a hug before they left, leaving you and Ted. “And thank you,” you turned to him, “for tonight. The conversation and walking me home.”

“‘Course. You ready?” You nodded, grabbing your things before stepping back into the cool night air once more. 

The walk to your flat was short but filled with conversation. With Ted, it somehow came easy.

“You know,” Ted began, watching as you sifted through your bag for your keys, “I’ve still got your gift.”

“Ted! I told you you didn’t need to get me anything!” you answered. 

“Yeah, I know,” he laughed, “but you knew I was going to get you something anyway. It’s small, I promise.” He sets his bag down, opening the small part in the front and pulling out a DVD. It’s not just any DVD, though, it’s the special edition of your favorite movie.

“This is not small! I’ve been looking everywhere for this!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, the search is over.” He responded. “And our conversation…well, our conversation and a conversation I had with Keeley earlier, got me thinking. Would it make you feel better about another year of change if we started it off by watching your favorite movie?” He asked, suddenly looking a little nervous.

“Ted Lasso, are you asking me on a date?” you asked. 

“Only if you’re saying yes?” He gave you a smile. 

Oh, Keeley. She swore she wouldn’t tell Ted about your feelings for him, but she didn’t swear she wouldn’t meddle in it. You made a mental note to thank her later on.

“Hmm, I’m saying yes.” You smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling him inside. “You know where the DVD player is. I’ll get us some popcorn.” 

[leggomyayygo]

i saw your post earlier, and you’re absolutely right. the mileven tag has a lot of issues. first of all is the type of content being posted.

we barely have any active blogs, and the ones that are seem to be more content posting anti-by/ler hate then actually propping up mike and el. like from what i’ve seen, that’s exactly what by/lers make fun of us about, and we’re playing right into their narrative.

next is the cross-tagging. this isn’t entirely our fault, with bigger juggernaut ships mostly to blame. but god it’s so hard to find mileven content like headcanon or fic when it’s drowned out by anti content or unrelated relationships.

honestly that’s all I can think of off the top of my head, but i’d love to hear your thoughts.

Oh hey there!! 🤗

Ight lemme just preface this by saying I'm reeeeeeeeally struggling with word retrieval and transitions today, so I apologize if this is... clunky, lol. 🙈💧

It's a tricky situation for sure! First, we're outnumbered af. That alone puts us at a disadvantage for content output. Factor in that there's generally less of a "need" to generate content of long-canonized ships (for obvious reasons lol), and it's a recipe for a pretty quiet tag. The fact of the matter is that Mileven is and has been canon for several years now. It's only natural that hype would die down. For the most part, Mileven shippers have graduated from the honeymoon stage to having a more quiet and resevered appreciation for the ship. But for those of us who never left, or those whose love has been reinvigorated (me lol), it can be really frustrating when all you want to do is celebrate your ship. So yes, while I do wish there was more positive Mileven content to consume, I get why there's so little of it. A lot of shippers are just content with what canon has provided. 🤷

Now where anti-b*ler content is concerned.... generally I don't mind seeing it myself, but there's definitely exceptions to this and I can see how others would prefer to not see it at all. While I try to avoid the topic of B*ler on my own blog, I sympathize with Mileven shippers who are constantly under fire by trolls and antis who just don't know when to quit. It's really shitty and unnecessary behavior, especially considering how much they outnumber us. I get how choosing to engage with them could very well be giving them what they want, but simultaneously I can understand the frustration and desire to throw it back at them. Plus I'd be lying if I didn't find the content amusing or cathartic at times. I guess it really isn't my place to tell people how to deal with being harassed, but yeah. I agree that it would be better to only tag anti-b*ler. Even if don't mind seeing it, it would make finding actual Mileven content a LOT easier.

As for the cross-tagging..... Yeahhhhh... There's not much I can really add 😂 It's a much bigger issue than us, and aside from telling them to cut it out (a likely futile effort), I really don't know what else can be done on our side. THIS IS WHY WE NEED A "HIDE" BUTTON GODDAMMIT ASKSHDJDK 😤

Some final thoughts:

While there's little we can do solve these issues, one thing we CAN do is just try to engage with other shippers and put out content of our own. If we get the ball rolling, it may inspire others to do the same. Hell, I'm no writer, but because a mutual sent a simple Mileven ask, it got the gears in my head turning and I started writing a wholeass fic 🤣 I also want say that I do believe things are starting to head in a better direction. I've only had this blog for 3 months, but in the time that I've been here, I do believe that I've seen a positive shift. And I mean... we are bringing Mileven Week back this year, so I can't be the only one who thinks this. 😋💕

Anyway, I hope this was the type of response you were looking for! Again, my brain isn't working all that well today but I did my best 😅

Thanks for stopping by!! ✨