#I need to find queer community I need to find queer community I need to find queer community I need to find queer community

[doberbutts]

I was a Girl Scout for about 7 or so years before my troop disbanded and my area couldn't find another leader until after I aged out, or else I would have stayed in the Scouts much longer.

I will say that at least when I was a Scout, I could see why a trans boy might be uncomfortable, as there is a LOT of emphasis on girlhood and sisterhood and being a girl growing into a woman etc. And there may be a question about how appropriate it is for him to be sharing the same sleeping areas and changing areas as the girls as these kids age and puberty behinds to happen.

However. However. The Girl Scouts have already declared that they are friendly to trans girls and will accept them in direct opposition to the Boy Scouts original stance on trans youth as an organization, and the opposition to *that* was pretty much verbatim: what happens when a trans girl goes through puberty and is still using the same changing areas and cabins and such as the cis girls. And the Girl Scouts pretty much went "w/e we'll figure it out, girls are girls so anyone who is a girl can stay" and to my knowledge that's pretty much as far as it went.

(Also at least when my troop went camping, we went with the local Boy Scout troop and so we had "boy bathrooms" and "girl bathrooms" and "boy cabins" and "girl cabins" so it's not even that hard to like. Just have the kid use the correct bathroom and cabin for their gender. But perhaps other troops don't coordinate like that.)

So it's... odd, to me, to say that reacting negatively to this case of a trans boy is, hmm, "saying trans men can be everywhere but trans women can be nowhere" because it's more or less the opposite that's happening to this kid. The Boy Scouts took much longer to accept trans boys than the Girl Scouts did to accept trans girls, which means there's a fairly high chance that this particular kid likely *already had made connections in his local GS troop and didn't want to uproot his social group*.

This is important and needs some keeping in mind- because this kid was 17, and has been part of his GS troop since he was 6, and Boy Scouts only started allowing trans boys on a case-by-case basis... 7 years ago. So he was 10, and already well-secured in his troop community, when the Boy Scouts had a shaky at best policy, in a super red area that likely *would not* have approved his entry regardless of what the Council said, much like they did for other trans boys *that same calendar year*.

So... to be clear, we're asking a 9-11 year old depending on exact birthdays to give up all their friends on a solid maybe that, considering the area, almost guarantees he's going to at least get beaten up and bullied... because that is just good transgender-friendly praxis. Yeah. OK.

We also don't know how long he's been out, or even known he was transgender, so it's very possible that his social transition is much more recent than that even, which gives him even longer to have formed connections.

And *then* you add that usually your Scout troop is your local community, so he may very well have known boys within his local Boy Scout troop that were known to not be kind to queer kids and din't want the trouble. I can tell you that the girls in my troop clocked me well before I even knew the word transgender and were not kind to me about it, and I lived in an equally red part of the same state.

folks if you can't conceive of a world in which both trans boys and trans girls are able to exist in the same space that's like. your problem. i actually think it's incredibly easy for the girl scouts to both be fully inclusive of trans girls AND any trans boys who want to participate in it, especially if they were a scout pre transition and that is where all of their friends and support comes from. or if there are no boy scouts nearby. or if they are nonbinary and assigned whatever at birth and want to be in a scouting troup and girl scouts seems more affirming than boy scouts. why do Y'ALL feel like trans girls can only be affirmed through binarism. why are y'all so uncharitable to trans boys.

[genderqueerdykes]

I’ve had to unfollow someone who I found posts denying anti trabsmaculinity and saying how being a man doesn’t intersect with any bigotry, plus saying how trans men need to listen to trans women and stuff like that.

But one thing I did find interesting is when they brought up the person who coined the term “transandrophobia”, but didn’t go into detail about it. Any details or information about them?

what drives me up the wall is trans men can talk about transandrophobia and listen to trans women at the same time. you can in fact do both.

conversations are not one-sided. they are a back and forth dialogue that includes multiple parties. if one party dominates the space and never lets the other participants engage... is that not about control? is that not about controlling the narrative...?

diminishing the real world impact transandrophobia has for the sake of saying you can only ever talk about transmisogyny is transphobia. it's another example of transandrophobia. trans men ARE listening to trans women. the trans community isn't all about one gender. if it genuinely bothers you that trans men talk about the abuse they face in society, you need to stop viewing yourself as the protagonist of the trans community. we are not all about you.

the problem is certain transphobic trans women aren't listening to trans men. like all of this is projection. the few transphobic transfems who engage in this behavior and spend the entire conversation controlling the narrative get pissed off for other people for daring to speak while it was their turn... but the problem is their turn is never over. it's constant. it's all talk, no listening. just control.

constantly talking over someone else is not a conversation. constantly interrupting trans men to force them to not talk about their issues for the sake of ignoring them, downplaying their struggles, dismissing their trauma, and telling them that they have it easy in life is not listening to the other side. you're trying to speak for them. you're trying to act like you know someone else's lived experience... you are the one who's not listening.

how exactly are trans men not listening to trans women... ? most online queer discourse is about how bad trans women have it, and how bad transmisogyny is. if it's something that the vast majority of the queer community is very aware of... how are we not listening, exactly? i've never understood the argument that the rest of the queer community refuses to listen to trans women because most of us are painfully aware about how bad we have it. we can't turn this into the oppression olympics. we shouldn't be tossing people out to the wolves because someone else has it "worse".

i actually am not familiar with the person who coined the term, no. but i've heard transphobic trans women claim that they were a bad person and that anyone who uses the term is just as bad as them. ive seen other transfems claim that it was specifically coined to shut down conversations about transmisogyny and that's just not the case. i have no idea about the origin of the term, all i know is that it's a real experience and that's the best word we have for it. if anyone has insight into this, feel free to let us know

[tmasc-confessions]

I do not feel safe in the trans/queer dating scene at all. I've been assaulted multiple times by cis people and transfeminine people at equal rates. I've rarely been believed, and after talking about one of my assaulters, was repeatedly asked if I'm just trying to 'unperson' my ex, (because she was a trans girl).

Theres this idea that trans men can only be assaulted by cis men, but thats not true. I do not feel at home in my community. I constantly see dykebreaking, boybreaking, fake boy, ftm humiliation posted all the time, and while I'm not one to judge people's kinks the constant untagged rape fantasies has started becoming overwhelming.

I feel like there is no universe in which i can have a vagina and not be sexualised for it but I'm terrified of bottom surgery.

I just want this stupid bullshit to end, I need help and I probably won't ever get it because i'm too much of a coward to do anything but stealth, because i feel like the second someone finds out I have a vagina I'll get assaulted again.

Because of this stupid fucking fear I can't get the support i need from other trans people. I feel like I'm hiding a shameful secret, when its just typical transmasc anatomy.

I feel what you mean, the “-breaking” posts are absolutely disgusting and, imo, just plainly misogynistic and/or transandrophobic (why is still partially misogyny, but, y’know, important distinction I feel). I’d recommend you use the Tumblr word filtering system (not the tagging one!), since maybe that could help you not see them as often?

As for the nobody believing you thing… unfortunately, I’ve been in that exact situation. All I could say is that if the people you surround yourself with are so deep in identity politics that they refuse to acknowledge that she hurt you like that, it might be worth trying to find new friends.

[bisexualfagdyke]

Seeing people say such terrible things about transmascs is so hard especially when 90% of my mutuals hate “transandrobros” im too scared to stand up against ppl like that one post who think they can just talk about killing us en masse. Hell im scared to reblog posts that are just vaguely positive about loving being a transmasc because apparently it’s such an awful thing to WANT to be “the enemy.” I know it’s just a tumblr fad to randomly pick a member of the queer community to gang up on and be cruel to (I’ve seen it happen to aros, to aces, to nbs, to bis, to pans) but it’s never hurt so much as when they say this shit about us during a time when we are all in so much danger. I’m so hurt and can’t even express it without people labeling me a transmysoginist

This is so horrible :( im so sorry. I feel your frustration & hurt. For your own sake, you need to unmutual these people and associate yourself with a kinder community. This is your internet experience and you shouldn't have to put up with hatefulness!!! You should NOT be made to feel bad about your transness in times like these. Your transmasc-ness is beautiful, and so so appreciated. 🫶 please try to find people who love you, and who don't promote hate & transphobia. Your identity is beyond worthy of love and appreciation !!

[thekaratcake-blog]

Not intentionally being harmful and not being harmful aren't the same thing, it's really important to remember that some people may not see the harm in what they do, and it's incredible important that we're careful about doing stuff that may be harmful in the long run, it's nice and all to want to accept absolutely everyone but there are limits to it Like yeah a level of exclusion is important, we exclude MAPs for a reason, we exclude trans race for a reason, it's not a good thing to not exclude people, it's a good thing to not exclude people who don't deserve to be excluded And "it isn't hurting anyone" is absolutely enough of a reason to include someone, but we gotta protect that bar at least And to be super clear, it is harmful for things to masquerade as other things, for example, go nuts with your xenogenders kids, but it would be harmful to try and paint xenogenders as if they're on the same level of legitimacy as someone who is just trans or nonbinary, being trans is scientifically supported, being nonbinary is scientifically supported, autismgender is actively against the scientific consensus, suicidefluid is also absolutely against the scientific consensus, we should not conflate these things Wanna use funny labels? Go nuts, but don't try to put them on equal footing with well established and scientifically supported labels And contradictory labels just in general I think are an issue honestly, it's ironically excluding anyone in the queer community who feels some need to understand something, who lives based on, y'know, logic or evidence or, good reason to understand or accept something, it also makes everyone on the outside looking in, or even others within the community, question the validity overall and question the validity of themselves and their identities To see someone identify as something explicitly contradcitary, especially if it includes a label that you are actually part of in it, makes it feel like that those labels hold no real value as they're just being used and thrown around and smashed together for fun, labels do have meaning And finally, I often find people using these contradictary labels are using them to describe experiences there are already terms for, and in turn, invalidating people who've had those experiences and use the actual labels, or they're people who avoid actual science and reality because they think stuff like being trans is just an internal thing To be extremely clear, being trans or nonbinary is not a feelings thing, it's not an emotional thing, it's not a psychological thing, it's a physical, detectable, unchangeable neurological thing, it's part of your physical brain, science can and has detected and measured it, we're not playing games with terms here, trans people weren't accepted because people are just taking us on our word about it, and identities aren't being accepted just because The acceptence we see is because it is scientifically backed, and treating gender and labels as if it's something you can do whatever you want with honestly feels like an insult to that, gender cannot be influenced by autism, it cannot be influenced by suicide, infact it cannot be influenced by anything as it is an inherent part of your neurology, btw this isn't saying genderfluid people don't exist, even though we currently have no evidence for them, there is good reason to believe they do, but their fluctuations are likely caused by slight hormonal changes or alterations in their brain chemistry There's science here people, please stop ignoring it to call yourself whatever the fuck you want, it's an insult to people fighting to get acceptance on the grounds that this is a real tangible thing

are you truly a queer ally if you exclude or don't support the following?

queer people of color

queer women / feminine queers

queer men / masculine queers

amab queers

afab queers

intersex individuals

transgender individuals

non-binary indidviduals

any kind of non-conformity (pronoun, gender, label, etc.)

queer alterhumans

neopronominal / varipronominal / multipronominal / apapronominal / alterpronominal / nullpronominal / crosspronoun individuals

xenogenders

aro- / ace- / aroace-spec individuals

disabled queers

queer people who don't confirm with certain stereotypes of their identities or of queer people in general

the answer is, no, you really aren't. you're an exclusionist.

[oarfishing]

this?

this is terf shit.

idc if you're technically "including" trans people in your man-hating.

this is terf shit.

"men are completely evil due to their gender"? terf shit. "marginalized men telling me to step away from bioessentialism are evil?" terf shit. "women are the top most oppressed class?" terf shit. "transmascs act like victims?" terf shit. all that "sisterhood" "i hate men" "i love other women who hate men let's bond over how much we hate men"? that's terf shit. sure, it's not technically "trans exclusionary" since look, see, they love trans women! but if you examine what terfs and radfems like them actually believe - that is, the root behind all of their ideology - this sort of gender essentialism is exactly their platform.

a PSA to all the lovely people out there, especially trans people: if you see somebody like this, somebody talking like this, they are not your friend. prioritizing hate over love is not the trans ally take they think it is.

and if you are a woman and you think you get to speak over any and all sorts of marginalized men who go through so much shit not just in spite of but because of their gender, you are not an "intersectional feminist." you are not a trans ally. if you think trans people who fight for trans rights - which includes trans men, if you can believe it - are just "MRA"s, you are not! a! safe! person!

stay safe out there 💓 trans love forever

[plspush]

Caleb loves everything Halloween, that much is very well known. A lesser known fact is that he has a deep fondness for Christmas. Maybe it's the obvious connection between the two holidays, or maybe it's because most of his wardrobe is cozy and/or winter coded. It's mid November and the wind has begun whipping icily through the primarily bare trees, the sun departs at 5pm, and Caleb's due in just a few short weeks. He knows there's no way he's making it to Christmas with his bun still in the oven. He already feels heavy and sore - practice contractions have been making unwelcome appearances the last couple of days. He knows he has to get all of his December activities out of the way now. He can't go get festive cocktails with Aiden and their friends - he'd feel so bummed to just sit at the bar, uncomfy and so, so pregnant, no fun bevvy in hand - so he and the crew are instead opting to hit up the holiday markets, which luckily opened up at the start start of the month. Jax has taken to protecting the precious bump from the crowds, Maiya has been scoping out all the cute holiday baby merch, and Aiden has been tasked with finding Caleb a hot chocolate that can give him the same vibe as the strong, black, caffeinated hot coffee he's been craving his whole pregnancy. A pretty tall order he isn't sure he can fill. Caleb has been taking in his last few moments with this big round belly, and the last days of the group headcount being four. He smells gingerbread and coffee and hot apple cider, he hears his friends’ laughter among the sleigh bells, and he feels completely full and content for maybe the first time ever. His found family is just so close to becoming a full-fledged family. Maybe pulling through his rough start at life was worth it after all. He’s scared; he had never anticipated becoming a parent, much less giving birth himself. The way his people came through for him though, supported him, made him feel capable. The fact that he has three people willing to do all the Christmas stuff a month early and drag his sore, round, pregnant self around while trying to make everything nice for him and everything go his way… It’s just more than he could have asked for. He’s feeling a solid future ahead of him, when just a few years ago he believed he’d be better off not in this world. He feels community. He /found/ a non-caffeinated, strong hot chocolate that gives him coffee vibes, and it even has sprinkles. He’s okay.

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

Since we didn’t get a proper HenBuck scene about him discovering his bisexuality, I think we all deserve a nice scene post-BT breakup where the two of them talk about how much of an ass T is. Buck trying to apologize because he didn’t see it sooner, but Hen’s just keeps saying he got there in the end and that’s what matters. HenBuck are always adorable, I must have more of the sibling energy from them!!!

And it’s actually so criminal that we didn’t get a scene with the two of them talking about Buck coming out (although I’ll forgive it if it’s because Hen couldn’t bring herself to support a relationship between her surrogate little brother and That Man, and she didn’t want to lie to Buck, especially about his first queer relationship). I don’t think Hen would want to interfere in anyone’s relationship, but especially a relationship that is a new beginning for Buck and his identity. She’s a lil nosy, but she also cares so much about her people, and the fact that we don’t have a scene where she explicitly tells Buck that she’s proud/happy for him discovering more about himself is so loud, especially given that she’s the only other canonical queer member of the 118 firefam. She would just trust that Buck could figure things out on his own - after all, she’s the one who’s believed in him probably the longest at the 118. That’s her little brother, guys, I refuse to believe that the Henren scene in the hospital was the most reaction we’ll get from Hen about Buck’s newfound bisexuality.

[epiphainie]

if bucktommy's conflict, or more specifically buck's spiraling, is about an old relationship/commitment etc. and in some aspect addresses this being buck's first relationship with a man (based on josh's presence in his scene with maddie) i have this tiny tiny tiny hope that we see buck call himself bisexual. it can be anything from a passing comment or him embracing the label within this storyline

[mime-rodeo]

being bi is so much fun because you crush on literally every single girl you meet and that one singular guy you see once in a blue moon.

[badolmen]

People love ragging on Catholics on this site (fast free and easy like river water socks) but I think it’s extra funny y’all seem to think Catholics are some sort of sex prudes. Like, if a Catholic man does not give his wife an orgasm he is failing his sworn duties as a husband. I did not endure polite insinuations that my parents fucked often and well to have as many kids as they have for you to act like any self respecting Catholic is a celibate virgin. Laypeople have sex in this denomination Kaitleign. What are we, Calvinists? Jansenism is soooo 17th century Protestant Reformation-informed heresy.

[donnieisaprettyboy]

2014 - realized I liked girls but began desperately trying to “pray the gay away”

2016 - stopped believing in Christianity as I began to better accept my sexuality

2020 - publicly came out as bisexual, and shortly after my gender crisis began

2021 - nonbinary ? we’ll run with it, I’m experimenting! I’m playing with it! I’ve been in college for a year so now I have the room to try some things out!

2023 - my first pride parade! and the gender crisis continues on…. I would really love more masculine features… a deeper voice is my dream… I see men with flat chests and I get so envious. maybe I’m trans?

2024 - FINALLY allowing myself to use multiple labels that feel right! nonbinary, transmasc, genderfluid, genderqueer, they all feel like ME! planning on starting HRT after I get married and get onto my fiancé’s health insurance. plan on getting married in a wedding dress because THAT’S WHAT I WANT! because gender is not a strict binary and I am allowed to play with it however I want! my gender is not for the pleasure or comfort of anyone else! I got to experience my SECOND pride finally feeling content with myself and my identity! I’m happy! I’m so happy :)

[hum-tittle]

I've decided if I ever get married I'm not having a first dance but a first fight which will be a

Sword fight

It will be a cheeky, fun, mildly risqué choreographed sword fight that will end in a ridiculous kiss.

And obviously we will have to quote Road to El Dorado.

[ohmyglobwhatthefrickamievendoing]

I will never be over how at its core OFMD is about queer hope and joy in finding the strength to change and grow, specially during a stage in life/age at which the majority will say that you should be settled with who you are and what you're doing

From Stede falling in love with a man and finally realising he's queer, and embracing that with all the overwhelming joy that he can possibly embody, after years stuck in an unhappy marriage trying to force himself into a role that didn't fit him

To Ed finally falling in love with someone and using that as a catalyst for change to find out for himself what he wants to do and who he wants to be, after years of feeling like he was stuck in one place and treading water

To Izzy finally finding a safe community where he can try out new things and find new ways to express himself, after years of being so tightly wound up and repressed

To Anne & Mary stuck in a rut and unhappy but scared they're too old to change, burning down their old life so they can move on forward together and try something new

To Buttons doing the impossible and changing into a fucking bird

Doesn't it give you hope?

Doesn't it make you overwhelmed?

That no matter what age you're at and no matter how scared you are and no matter how impossible it seems, you can still grow, you can still change, you can still find your people and you can still discover new things about yourself.

That you don't need to figure out everything about yourself in your 20s. That you don't need to fall in love and start the perfect life by your 30s. That you don't need to know exactly who you are and how you're expected to spend your life by your 40s.

That you don't need to remain stuck in the box you put yourself into because that's what people dictated or because that's what was safest.

That you can always grow and change and try something new and it's never too late

[the-fandom-crossroads]

Everyone is suggesting stocking up on morning after pills in case they get banned. And Yes! do that! But also if you do not plan to bare a child in the next few years look into long term birth controls.

Even Missouri never banned long term birth controls. They just make you take a pregnancy test before being prescribed it. So as long as you are not currently pregnant and want to avoid having a child during the next 4 years get on long term birth control.

Call Planned Parenthood today because the wait list is usually a month out for the earliest appointment. If they plan to attack abortion and birth control options day one you want to get prescribed them before jan. In case they make it incredibly hard to get prescribed it. But one doctor visit and they can prescribe you the Depo shot for a year. Depo is the least invasive option. If you go for one of the inserts those last years on their own. They just have the risk of slipping and you not know it until after you've become pregnant.

Depo; lasts 3 months, stops or lightens most periods, and income based PP charge 0-20 dollars for low income people to get it every 3 months. You qualify for low income even/especially without insurance. At full price it's 70-90 dollars every 3 months. but if you make less than 30k a year you qualify as low income.

TLDR: Long term birth controls are less likely to be banned and at least will take longer to ban compared to abortion pills. Conservatives don't want to "kill the embryo" which is what they see morning after pills as doing. Long term birth controls stop the embryo from even forming. Look into the Depo or other options before Jan and get prescribed it so you are at least set for the next year.

[mint-mumbles]

Gonna make a list of queer characters that don’t outright state their queerness because a certain group of people complaining about the handling of a certain character’s arc from a certain game is pissing me off

“They didn’t make her say she was trans so that means that they’re giving us a ‘fuck you’/we need confirmation or it isn’t valid and transphobes will be transphobic/they’re queerbaiting!”

Shut the fuck up

The fact that we’re even at this point is a miracle in itself and needing every character to explicitly say their orientation and/or gender identity shows how ignorant you are, not just regarding media literacy, but also on queer history

By your myopic lens you’re discrediting a lot of queer characters that didn’t and/or couldn’t outright say that they’re queer

Characters shouldn’t have to outright say their orientation and/or gender identity for you to consider them “good rep”

That perspective is ridiculously narrow minded and downplays the importance of previous queer characters that helped pave the way to where we are now