#I need to find queer community I need to find queer community I need to find queer community I need to find queer community

[dukeofankh]

Leaving toxic masculinity behind as a source of community is pretty much an unmitigated good, especially for men who are chronically underperforming in one or more metric by which hegemonic patriarchal status is measured (heterosexuality, whiteness, ability to perform violence, ect.). No real external spur is needed for leaving. It doesn't even require empathy. Just perspective. Relying on an abusive pyramid scheme for self worth is bad, actually.

But when you leave that, I dunno, call me a whiny incel who expects emotional labour from others, it would be cool if there was some sort of community or support structure in place for progressive men to find celebration and identity and acceptance. It would be nice if we had cultural conceptions of positive masculinity that could be emulated instead of individual, exceptional, disposable blorbos to be fawned over. It would be nice if being masculine wasn't viewed as something that negates or problematises my queerness. It would be nice to even be able to find media about masculinity that isn't poisoned by fascism or more interested in dunking on said misogynists for clout. I feel like I'm trying to build something new from scratch. Why? Why is this such a fucking wasteland.

I don't know about y'all, but I have never felt understood and accepted by any community ever in my fucking life. I have never felt seen. I have never felt at home. I'm not gonna become a misogynist about it but there sure isn't anything positive to lean on or collective vision for a positive future to fucking strive for, is there? Christ.

And like, because I know I do have to end with this, before you try some faux-hopecore bullshit on me that actually seeks to shift the blame right back onto me, I'm already donating to and planning to volunteer for my local left wing party for our upcoming federal election. I already signed up for more classes to fill my time, I'm married, I text my stupid friends who bail on me and don't text back. I have been to therapy several times. I have already poured hundreds of hours trying to build community in male feminist spaces online. Systemic issues do not magically become individual failings when we talk about men.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

I’m a transfem Christian, and sometimes I worry that I’m twisting Christianity to suit my politics and views rather than the reverse. I was raised as a Southern Baptist and left for the Episcopal Church, with the conservatism of the former church being a large reason for my departure. I really don’t want to have to chose between either being able to transition and being a good Christian, but I’m so worried that I’ll have to make that choice.

Hey there, I am so sorry for the delay in responding to this. I don't for a second believe you are "twisting" Christianity to suit your views by living into your true self:

Jesus tells us that we can know a thing by its fruit — if the fruit is good, the tree is good; if the fruit is bad, the tree is bad (Luke 6:43-45; Matthew 7:15-20).

What are the fruits of transition? Joy, community, reconnection with your own body? Life?

What are the fruits of the things preached by ultra conservative churches? Hatred, fear of difference, violence? Deportation instead of love of stranger, judgment instead of mercy, control via terror instead of liberation through God's love?

Near the end of this webpage of mine about a liberatory framework for reading scripture, I address the accusation that queer Christians are just "reading into" the Bible what we want to see. To sum it up, I agree that all people bring our biases to the text — heck, the biblical authors brought their own biases to the text!

“The truth is, you can bend Scripture to say just about anything you want it to say. You can bend it until it breaks. For those who count the Bible as sacred, interpretation is not a matter of whether to pick and choose, but how to pick and choose. We’re all selective. We all wrestle with how to interpret and apply the Bible in our lives. We all go to the text looking for something, and we all have a tendency to find it." - Rachel Held Evans

Many theologians say that when we accept both our own biases and the biases of the people who wrote, edited, and compiled the books of the Bible, the best way to determine what is Divine in scripture is to follow The Rule of Love:

"Any interpretation of scripture is wrong that shows indifference or contempt for any individual or group inside or outside the church. All right interpretations reflect the love of God...for all kinds of people everywhere, everyone included and no one excluded.”

- Shirley Guthrie

The webpage offers more details about this way of reading the Bible, if you are interested. But at the end of the day, the main thing I hope you can come to believe not only in your head but in your heart and your body is that you are beloved. That God created you exactly as you are with purpose and delight. That you have vital gifts to share with the world that the Body of Christ is not whole without.

If you need further assurance through theology, I invite you to check out Austen Hartke's Transgender and Christian YouTube series.

You may also find Rev. Nicole Garcia's story encouraging; she's a trans pastor who once said that she has experienced two vocations in life: one to ordained ministry, and one to being a woman.

God is calling you, too. I pray that you can feel Their presence and love in your life -- even when it's hard to believe in it yourself. <3

(For more, I have a trans tag and an affirmation tag and trans women tag and also an FAQ you might like to peruse through)

[keep-both-eyes-on-trump]

I saw a post the other day talking about how they and others should pray for people feeling fear and anxiety regarding the U.S. election, regardless of how irrational that fear and anxiety is.

I hit reblog and typed a whole response out, but I didn't post it because I'm sure that the OP of that post was well meaning and genuine. And, generally, I'm touched when people offer to pray for me, regardless of how ineffective I believe prayers to be, because it means something to them to offer that.

But today I'm still a bit miffed about it, so I'm making my own post here. PSA for anyone who voted for Trump offering prayers for those fearful and anxious about the election result.

As well meaning as I’m sure you’re intending to be, your prayers will not help me when my mother loses her health insurance and her SNAP benefits and goes back to having to rely entirely on me, who will now paying for her appointments and medications and food out of pocket in addition to our housing and car insurance and utilities and my food and my own health needs.

Your prayers will not help people losing their health insurance, SNAP benefits, or other welfare benefits. They will not help disabled children facing changing entitlements to supports in their education. They will not help federal workers who may be in danger of losing their jobs. They will not help trans and queer individuals losing access to their rights, protections, and healthcare.

Fear and anxiety as a result of this election is not irrational. It’s a very rational response to the threat the coming administration likely poses to a lot of people.

So saying you’ll pray for us is kind of empty and calling us irrational comes off as more than a little patronizing.

And for anyone feeling anxious or fearful, remember to take deep breaths, find your community, and support each other.

The Watcher

[ciderjacks]

if I’m honest I have trouble believing it too, even when I say it a million times. That’s what happens when you’re told from birth that every aspect of your humanity, including your oppression, is inherently “lesser” compared to men. It’s by design.

You matter though, and if u keep pushing at the mental blocks that have been created by male supremacy, and u push past the shame and guilt that they want u to feel for simply acknowledging your own experiences— eventually those barriers will crumble.

Misogyny and sexism is just as bad as other forms of bigotry and being an incel or a “men’s rights activist” or any of that other bullshit is just as horrible as being a white supremacist. Should not be a controversial take.

[oarfishing]

this?

this is terf shit.

idc if you're technically "including" trans people in your man-hating.

this is terf shit.

"men are completely evil due to their gender"? terf shit. "marginalized men telling me to step away from bioessentialism are evil?" terf shit. "women are the top most oppressed class?" terf shit. "transmascs act like victims?" terf shit. all that "sisterhood" "i hate men" "i love other women who hate men let's bond over how much we hate men"? that's terf shit. sure, it's not technically "trans exclusionary" since look, see, they love trans women! but if you examine what terfs and radfems like them actually believe - that is, the root behind all of their ideology - this sort of gender essentialism is exactly their platform.

a PSA to all the lovely people out there, especially trans people: if you see somebody like this, somebody talking like this, they are not your friend. prioritizing hate over love is not the trans ally take they think it is.

and if you are a woman and you think you get to speak over any and all sorts of marginalized men who go through so much shit not just in spite of but because of their gender, you are not an "intersectional feminist." you are not a trans ally. if you think trans people who fight for trans rights - which includes trans men, if you can believe it - are just "MRA"s, you are not! a! safe! person!

stay safe out there 💓 trans love forever

[epiphainie]

if bucktommy's conflict, or more specifically buck's spiraling, is about an old relationship/commitment etc. and in some aspect addresses this being buck's first relationship with a man (based on josh's presence in his scene with maddie) i have this tiny tiny tiny hope that we see buck call himself bisexual. it can be anything from a passing comment or him embracing the label within this storyline

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

Since we didn’t get a proper HenBuck scene about him discovering his bisexuality, I think we all deserve a nice scene post-BT breakup where the two of them talk about how much of an ass T is. Buck trying to apologize because he didn’t see it sooner, but Hen’s just keeps saying he got there in the end and that’s what matters. HenBuck are always adorable, I must have more of the sibling energy from them!!!

And it’s actually so criminal that we didn’t get a scene with the two of them talking about Buck coming out (although I’ll forgive it if it’s because Hen couldn’t bring herself to support a relationship between her surrogate little brother and That Man, and she didn’t want to lie to Buck, especially about his first queer relationship). I don’t think Hen would want to interfere in anyone’s relationship, but especially a relationship that is a new beginning for Buck and his identity. She’s a lil nosy, but she also cares so much about her people, and the fact that we don’t have a scene where she explicitly tells Buck that she’s proud/happy for him discovering more about himself is so loud, especially given that she’s the only other canonical queer member of the 118 firefam. She would just trust that Buck could figure things out on his own - after all, she’s the one who’s believed in him probably the longest at the 118. That’s her little brother, guys, I refuse to believe that the Henren scene in the hospital was the most reaction we’ll get from Hen about Buck’s newfound bisexuality.

[mw4sii]

Storytime: I was told by my friend’s TIF coworker that I’m hiding my queerness through my boyfriend, and I’m not with him because I like him but because I’m trying to look “straight” and because I don’t look queer on the outside I am hiding my true self from him and myself.

She also expressed that I am actually gay, not bisexual, and should break up with him because I clearly am using being bisexual to run from the fact that I actually like girls only. Then proceeded to tell my friend numerous times that her and I should date.

Number one, I hate being called queer. I’m bisexual, point blank. I told her I was bisexual and then she continued using the term queer.

Two, I find it mind boggling that my sexuality is called into question just because I don’t “look” bi, whatever the hell that means. This is that cult mentality behavior and I was so shocked to see what I usually see on the internet expressed to me in real life. It’s preposterous. I genuinely believe these people need their own community away from LGB, so I don’t have to hear that shit again

Controversial take but..

That normal bi woman who you can't clock as bi without her telling you is way more authentically LGB than any rainbow covered they/them who only dates women if they're amab. If you have to try to look gay to feel included in the LGB community, maybe you aren't meant to be in this community. LGB needs to be a separate community from TQ at this point, the divide between us is obvious, but instead they're kicking same sex attracted people out of our own spaces.

[plspush]

Caleb loves everything Halloween, that much is very well known. A lesser known fact is that he has a deep fondness for Christmas. Maybe it's the obvious connection between the two holidays, or maybe it's because most of his wardrobe is cozy and/or winter coded. It's mid November and the wind has begun whipping icily through the primarily bare trees, the sun departs at 5pm, and Caleb's due in just a few short weeks. He knows there's no way he's making it to Christmas with his bun still in the oven. He already feels heavy and sore - practice contractions have been making unwelcome appearances the last couple of days. He knows he has to get all of his December activities out of the way now. He can't go get festive cocktails with Aiden and their friends - he'd feel so bummed to just sit at the bar, uncomfy and so, so pregnant, no fun bevvy in hand - so he and the crew are instead opting to hit up the holiday markets, which luckily opened up at the start start of the month. Jax has taken to protecting the precious bump from the crowds, Maiya has been scoping out all the cute holiday baby merch, and Aiden has been tasked with finding Caleb a hot chocolate that can give him the same vibe as the strong, black, caffeinated hot coffee he's been craving his whole pregnancy. A pretty tall order he isn't sure he can fill. Caleb has been taking in his last few moments with this big round belly, and the last days of the group headcount being four. He smells gingerbread and coffee and hot apple cider, he hears his friends’ laughter among the sleigh bells, and he feels completely full and content for maybe the first time ever. His found family is just so close to becoming a full-fledged family. Maybe pulling through his rough start at life was worth it after all. He’s scared; he had never anticipated becoming a parent, much less giving birth himself. The way his people came through for him though, supported him, made him feel capable. The fact that he has three people willing to do all the Christmas stuff a month early and drag his sore, round, pregnant self around while trying to make everything nice for him and everything go his way… It’s just more than he could have asked for. He’s feeling a solid future ahead of him, when just a few years ago he believed he’d be better off not in this world. He feels community. He /found/ a non-caffeinated, strong hot chocolate that gives him coffee vibes, and it even has sprinkles. He’s okay.

[badolmen]

People love ragging on Catholics on this site (fast free and easy like river water socks) but I think it’s extra funny y’all seem to think Catholics are some sort of sex prudes. Like, if a Catholic man does not give his wife an orgasm he is failing his sworn duties as a husband. I did not endure polite insinuations that my parents fucked often and well to have as many kids as they have for you to act like any self respecting Catholic is a celibate virgin. Laypeople have sex in this denomination Kaitleign. What are we, Calvinists? Jansenism is soooo 17th century Protestant Reformation-informed heresy.

[nochd]

I feel I need to write a conclusion to this thread.

There are of course plenty of other threads by which Evangelicalism and Trumpism are entangled. But I don't feel like wandering off into the weeds.

(If you want my thoughts on Evangelicals and Israel, someone ask me and I'll try and unravel them into something coherent enough to read.)

I started this thread as a follow-up to this one, which was about what leftists could have done differently to change the outcome of the US election. Not that leftists are solely responsible, but our own choices are the one thing we can do something about directly (to repeat the point of that thread).

We can't change Evangelical Republican voters' minds directly the way we can our own.

I've seen individual Evangelicals leave their beliefs behind; I've been an individual Evangelical and I've left my beliefs behind. It happens when you live in a community with people of different beliefs, and you find you can no longer sustain the idea that a good God would send them to Hell.

This would imply that, if you have a pluralistic community and an Evangelical community next door to each other, at the boundary between them the Evangelicals will gradually become pluralists, so that over time the pluralistic community will encroach and the Evangelical one will dwindle.

Which I gather is more or less what is indeed happening in the United States, and that's exactly why the remaining Evangelicals are growing increasingly militant.

Remember, Evangelicals don't see themselves as one group among many or their beliefs as a religion like other religions. They think they worship the one true God and all other beliefs come from Satan. What they see, looking at these trends, is Satan taking over the Earth.

I've seen some well-meaning people on this website trying to assure Evangelicals that "You can be pro-choice / pro-queer / not want to try to convert people (etc.) and still be Evangelical." And they're not wrong; some individual Evangelicals do manage it.

The problem is that framing the issue in terms of you can still keep your identity only makes sense under the cultural consensus that religion is a private matter of personal identity, which -- to repeat the refrain I've been banging on throughout this thread -- is a consensus that Evangelicals never signed up to.

The core of Evangelical belief is that God has provided a life-raft to save humanity from Hell, and that life-raft is called Christianity. Evangelicals are not worried about "If I drop this part of my worldview, am I still allowed to identify as an Evangelical?" They're worried about "If I drop this part of my worldview, will I go to Hell?"

Let me lay out the problem as explicitly as possible: What Evangelicals believe about God is that every belief about God is wrong except for Evangelical Christianity. Hence, if no belief about God is wrong, that means the Evangelical belief about God is wrong.

Evangelicalism and the religion-is-private consensus ultimately cannot coexist.

I'm reminded of Karl Popper's Paradox of Tolerance -- a society that tolerates intolerance will cease to be tolerant. And it's tempting to reach for the solution where we practise tolerance "not as a moral standard, but as a social contract" (from a tweet somewhere, you've probably seen it).

But what does that mean? Do we suspend the religion-is-private consensus for anyone who disagrees with it?

Is that what people mean who say "Religion is fine, except for fundamentalism"? Is a "fundamentalist" anyone who hasn't signed up to this specific modern Western cultural consensus?

Even setting aside the religious aspect and looking at Evangelicals purely as a political bloc, strategies of intolerance always come with the same flaw, which is

The only thing we can do about that, in the here and now, is

vote for the other candidate.

Which a critical number of American leftists... well... didn't.

Anyway. This thread has been a preview of what you can expect under Project 2025.

Best of luck.

Evangelical Christianity is about to become the ruling ideology of the United States. Like it or hate it, it's going to be something everyone needs to understand.

I was raised in it, and I can explain some things.

I also have this persistent perception -- and I'm coming to realize it's pretty rare -- that the kind of "explanation" of your opponents' ideas in which you emphasize how weeeeeeirrd and sTuPiD and MY GOD IMAGINE BEING THIS FAR AWAY FROM BEING A PROPER HUMAN they are, doesn't actually accomplish anything helpful, however satisfying it might feel in the moment.

In this post I said

Three things happened in the 2024 US election:

Conservatives, led by white Evangelical Christians, voted for Donald Trump.

The Democrats did not shift their policy platform to the left.

A critical number of leftists did not vote or voted third party instead of voting for Kamala Harris.

If either #1 or #3 had not happened, Kamala Harris would have won the election. And #3 is the one that leftists could actually, on the day, have done something about.

I am going to do a post about #1 as well.

This is going to be that post.

[donnieisaprettyboy]

2014 - realized I liked girls but began desperately trying to “pray the gay away”

2016 - stopped believing in Christianity as I began to better accept my sexuality

2020 - publicly came out as bisexual, and shortly after my gender crisis began

2021 - nonbinary ? we’ll run with it, I’m experimenting! I’m playing with it! I’ve been in college for a year so now I have the room to try some things out!

2023 - my first pride parade! and the gender crisis continues on…. I would really love more masculine features… a deeper voice is my dream… I see men with flat chests and I get so envious. maybe I’m trans?

2024 - FINALLY allowing myself to use multiple labels that feel right! nonbinary, transmasc, genderfluid, genderqueer, they all feel like ME! planning on starting HRT after I get married and get onto my fiancé’s health insurance. plan on getting married in a wedding dress because THAT’S WHAT I WANT! because gender is not a strict binary and I am allowed to play with it however I want! my gender is not for the pleasure or comfort of anyone else! I got to experience my SECOND pride finally feeling content with myself and my identity! I’m happy! I’m so happy :)

[ohmyglobwhatthefrickamievendoing]

I will never be over how at its core OFMD is about queer hope and joy in finding the strength to change and grow, specially during a stage in life/age at which the majority will say that you should be settled with who you are and what you're doing

From Stede falling in love with a man and finally realising he's queer, and embracing that with all the overwhelming joy that he can possibly embody, after years stuck in an unhappy marriage trying to force himself into a role that didn't fit him

To Ed finally falling in love with someone and using that as a catalyst for change to find out for himself what he wants to do and who he wants to be, after years of feeling like he was stuck in one place and treading water

To Izzy finally finding a safe community where he can try out new things and find new ways to express himself, after years of being so tightly wound up and repressed

To Anne & Mary stuck in a rut and unhappy but scared they're too old to change, burning down their old life so they can move on forward together and try something new

To Buttons doing the impossible and changing into a fucking bird

Doesn't it give you hope?

Doesn't it make you overwhelmed?

That no matter what age you're at and no matter how scared you are and no matter how impossible it seems, you can still grow, you can still change, you can still find your people and you can still discover new things about yourself.

That you don't need to figure out everything about yourself in your 20s. That you don't need to fall in love and start the perfect life by your 30s. That you don't need to know exactly who you are and how you're expected to spend your life by your 40s.

That you don't need to remain stuck in the box you put yourself into because that's what people dictated or because that's what was safest.

That you can always grow and change and try something new and it's never too late

[the-fandom-crossroads]

Everyone is suggesting stocking up on morning after pills in case they get banned. And Yes! do that! But also if you do not plan to bare a child in the next few years look into long term birth controls.

Even Missouri never banned long term birth controls. They just make you take a pregnancy test before being prescribed it. So as long as you are not currently pregnant and want to avoid having a child during the next 4 years get on long term birth control.

Call Planned Parenthood today because the wait list is usually a month out for the earliest appointment. If they plan to attack abortion and birth control options day one you want to get prescribed them before jan. In case they make it incredibly hard to get prescribed it. But one doctor visit and they can prescribe you the Depo shot for a year. Depo is the least invasive option. If you go for one of the inserts those last years on their own. They just have the risk of slipping and you not know it until after you've become pregnant.

Depo; lasts 3 months, stops or lightens most periods, and income based PP charge 0-20 dollars for low income people to get it every 3 months. You qualify for low income even/especially without insurance. At full price it's 70-90 dollars every 3 months. but if you make less than 30k a year you qualify as low income.

TLDR: Long term birth controls are less likely to be banned and at least will take longer to ban compared to abortion pills. Conservatives don't want to "kill the embryo" which is what they see morning after pills as doing. Long term birth controls stop the embryo from even forming. Look into the Depo or other options before Jan and get prescribed it so you are at least set for the next year.

[hum-tittle]

I've decided if I ever get married I'm not having a first dance but a first fight which will be a

Sword fight

It will be a cheeky, fun, mildly risqué choreographed sword fight that will end in a ridiculous kiss.

And obviously we will have to quote Road to El Dorado.

[sleepinglionhearts]

Once again I am thinking about becoming an art teacher vs. thinking about how fast I'd get fired if I became an art teacher