#I need to delete some stuff
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wondered why my Star Wars file was 50 FUCKING GIGABYTES and then 25 gigabytes of Star Wars comics, 10 gigabytes of Star Wars books/pdfs and 10 gigabytes of Star Wars Insider scans stared at me like this
#I need to delete some stuff#i know comics can take up a lot of space but christ#the rest of it is a lot of things#ugh#bye 5 or so volumes of darth vader 2020#(not like i needed them in any way)
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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DON'T GIVE UP
DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP
IT'S NOT "JOEVER" WE AREN'T "DOOMED" THIS COUNTRY ISN'T "GOING UNDER"
WE ARE THE PEOPLE AND WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THIS COUNTRY!
DON'T LET THE NEWS SCARE YOU OUT OF ACTION! DON'T LET PESSIMISM SCARE YOU OUT OF ACTION! VOTE VOTE VOTE!!
FIGHT FOR YOUR FRIENDS! FOR YOUR FAMILY! FOR YOUR OWN RIGHTS!
WE WILL NOT BE ELECTING TRUMP. DON'T GIVE UP!
#ax speaks#politics#election 2024#us politics#current events#i normally keep stuff that stressed me out off this blog#but DEAR LORD PEOPLE ARE GIVING UP SO EASY#tw caps#caps#its okay to be scared but we need to stick together!!#i feel like throwning up#i might delete later if i get too stresed but god#i wanna scream at some people#democrats we need to get it together#sorry for the shouty post#been stressed out of my mind about this for the past like two weeks#i have therapy and self improvement and moving out to work on#can the world just stop it for like 5 minutes
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How You Turn My Word; Chapter 2
The day continues, and this time you find yourself in an entire new world... a world called The Underground.
Character; Lilia Vanrouge
Content; Gender-neutral reader, more shenanigans, reader isn't happy
Content Warning; Intoxication (Lilia), swearing
Word Count; 2.7 K
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |
Don't put my work into AI; I'll make sure you end up in the Bog of Eternal Stench.
Lilia’s night was not going according to plan and he was mentally cursing himself over it.
Thing Lilia did not plan for #1; he got lost. To be fair though, many a thing had drastically changed since the last time he romped around the mortal realm. A few hundred years would do that though. Humans now seemed to live in tall metal boxes rather than the humble cottages of ages past.
Thing Lilia did not plan for #2; a red flower deceiving him and containing something akin to liquor. So he was flying around lost while under the influence, which only worsened his situation. (Lilia did not know it, but the red flower was in fact a hummingbird feeder with sugar water which had been left out in the sun for too long and had fermented. Make sure to change your hummingbird feeder often on hot days so you don���t cause a nectar-loving friend to fly while wasted)
Thing Lilia did not plan for #3; getting himself stuff in one of those tall metal boxes, and he was now stuck inside some cursed metal labyrinth. At least it was not iron or silver, as it did not burn, apparently, humans no longer fortified their abodes with those metals. Perhaps the times have changed for the better?
But Lilia finally escaped the infernal metal labyrinth, perhaps luck was finally on his side tonight after all! He bumped around a few corners. My my, what a small hovel. Perhaps things have not changed all that much from the last time I was here… But Lilia was rudely pulled from his thoughts when something swatted him clean out of the air. And the culprit? A rather rotund grey cat with large blue eyes, which was now carrying Lilia into its lair, most likely to play with him for a bit before deciding that it had had it’s fun and ultimately put him out of his misery.
His night went from a jolly and somewhat embarrassing tale he would regale about at the local tavern, to a bedtime story parents would tell their children about the dangers of going places that you really shouldn’t. Should he get out of this sticky situation Lilia would not live this incident down.
The cat placed Lilia in a collection of socks and then sauntered off, calling out at the top of its lungs. Great, it's getting company for supper, and I’m the appetizer. How lovely. But Lilia knew he would have a better chance of getting out of this situation if he stayed calm and waited for an opportunity to escape. Even while tipsy, he could keep his cool.
And the feline was back and yanked Lilia out of the sock hole. Cracking open his one eye he saw that the cat did not come back with its hungry friends, but rather, a human. That was both good news and bad news. Good news; he most likely was not going to be eaten tonight! Yippee! Bad news; the last time he was in bat-form in a human’s abode, he was chased around with a torch, which he really did not want to go through again. So his best course of action was to play dead in this situation.
When the human left the room though, he took his chance and took flight once again, trying to find a way out. The cat was trying to catch him again, but Lilia knew of its tricks this time and dodged every swipe it sent his way.
But he was pulled out of his thoughts when the human screeched at the cat, “YOU CAUGHT A FUCKING BAT?!”
Oh yeah, they did not sound happy, not at all, but it seemed to be directed more at their feline companion rather than him.
As he was busy flapping around, trying to find an escape but to no avail, he also heard the human whispering to him. “Don’t fly towards my head, bat. I’m just trying to get you back outside. You’re a nice bat, right? Nice bat, nice bat.”
Were he not preoccupied and in a better state of mind, Lilia would have been amused by this. Currently, though he was occupied with trying not to be eaten and finding a way out of this cursed place. He was not in a laughing mood. All Lilia wanted to do was get back home, pass out in his bed but he would also be happy with his sofa as well, and pretend that this was nothing more than a bad dream after a night spent tavern hopping. Dealing with a horrid hangover would be better than this… and he was most likely going to have one of those anyways. Tonight really wasn’t Lilia’s night, not at all.
Then the human grabbed the cat, and Lilia was finally left alone. The window was open, but he didn’t know that, as his mind was too preoccupied with you know, not dying, that he hadn’t noticed that the human had opened it for him. So where did Lilia go? Well, he went back into the metal labyrinth (air duct), and fumbled around until he tired himself out. It wasn’t the most ideal of spots to crash for the night, but it was better than going back and possibly being eaten, Lilia would rather avoid that. So this was going to be his bed for the night, a lonely quiet corner of the air duct system, where he could hopefully wake up sober tomorrow. But he yearned for his warm quilts that awaited for him back at home, back in Faerie, or as some call it, the Underground.
Lilia wasn’t even supposed to be in the mortal realm in the first place, but curiosity had won him over, and he even ignored the travel advisory that was in place. Some crow fae had travelled there about a century or so ago and had yet to return back, hence a travel advisory. But yet here he was in the mortal realm, tiny, drunk, and utterly lost. His bad decisions could be looked into further detail once he got some shut-eye. So he wrapped himself in his wings and passed out in the corner of the air vent. Hopefully, when he woke up he could turn this disastrous day around.
…
Upon waking up, Lilia groaned — or rather, in this case, squeaked — and stretched his wings out. So the wretched metal maze and last night's fiasco was not some liquor-hazed dream; how lovely. Utterly delightful.
At least the strange maze echoed sound quite well, so he knew what exits to avoid. Not that one, he could hear a dog barking, and the feline encounter was enough for him. No, not that one either, he could hear children screaming.
Finally, he came to an opening, there was some quiet chatter, but it was far enough away where Lilia felt comfortable enough to explore this potential escape route.
Why does this look familiar? AM I BACK IN THE BUILDING?! Yes, yes he was. At least there was no sign of the ca–
“Mrp?” Speak of the devil.
The cat got out of its den and lept at Lilia, who dodged the attack, and the cat pushed some books off a desk. The cat was also screaming at him, and causing an all-around ruckus. Lilia managed to outmaneuver the feline, but soon a brand new human came into the scene.
The new human took one look at Lilia and backpedalled out of the room. But the human had just created another escape route for him, and Lilia flew, well, like a bat straight out of hell for it. Too bad the next room contained two more humans, including the one he had encountered from last night… maybe they would be nice again and spare him for trespassing on their small abode?
In the midst of the chaos, the human from last night knocked him out of the air with a broom. Okay, that hurt little Beastie. But that swing and the crash landing into a table caused Lilia to shift back into his human form, which also caused sparkles to happen. Did humans still think magic was evil? Well, he was about to find out.
Everyone remained silent, and after the sheer noise of the chaos, it was deafening, even the cat was quiet. And Lilia stared at the human that had knocked him out of the air, you. And you were staring straight back at him, looking utterly baffled. Well, this is awkward… I think I have overstayed my welcome…
Lilia snapped his fingers, and he started to disappear into sparkles yet again, this time going home since he wasn’t able to use his magic when stuck in bat form. And it was happening without a pinch, but you seemed to trip on thin air and crash landed on his feet, disappearing with him; a stowaway coming to Faerie.
… Well this is no good now, is it?
…
…
…
When the green sparkles subsided, you found yourself sitting in some sort of bog, and the water had made it into your mouth by some twist of fate. While you were busy spitting the bog water out of your mouth, the stranger was standing by the bank, dry, without any sulfuric-tasting water in his mouth, and looking better for wear.
Pulling yourself out of the bog water — eugh, you smelled like eggs now, great — you pointed an accusatory finger at him, water dripping from the end. “Where,” you spat out some extra bog water from your mouth, “am I? And why does it reak of eggs?!” You would have looked and sounded more imposing, but you were sopping wet, covered in mud, and spitting out coughs trying to get the bad taste out of your mouth; which wasn’t really commanding any sort of respect.
The stranger, Lilia, snorted before letting out a cough, trying to hide his amusement very poorly. He waved his hand, green sparkles surrounded you and you were now dry, still covered in mud, but dry. “Faerie, although some call it the Underground.”
You opened your mouth, but he wagged his finger at you. “And before you blame me for bringing you here, you have no one to blame for this but yourself!” Despite the cheeriness, there was something cold and off putting in his eyes, like he was calculating something. But that moment passed, and the almost annoying cheerful facade came back in full. “As for the smell? That so happens to be The Bog of Eternal Stench!”
“Like eternal eternal?” You really didn’t need to smell like rotten eggs for the rest of your days.
The stranger just chuckled, “Fret not, Beastie, I decided to return the favour, since your feline friend decided not to eat me. But it is indeed ‘eternal eternal’ if you don’t have the means to get rid of it.”
Beastie? “Uh, okay.” not the most eloquent of things to say, but really, could anyone blame you? You just fell through some kind of portal, magic(?) was real, and oh yeah, so were fae/faeries or whatever the hell they called themselves. So ‘Uh, okay’ was perfectly fine in this situation.
Mr. Sparkles — if he was going to call you Beastie, he deserved a dumb nickname — just gave you a smile, exposing the barest hint of his fangs; despite his small frame, he was still dangerous, and the hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. It was as if he was assessing you, to see if you would be worth the trouble to help. You didn’t know if either option would be good by the way his magenta eyes twinkled with mischief.
He let out a huff and started walking away, and you followed. “I wouldn’t recommend following me, Beastie,” he hummed, and you tripped over a rock, vines keeping you to the moss. “The court would not take kindly to you.”
You glared at him and tried ripping the vines off of your feet, but they didn’t budge. “And why should I listen to you?”
Mr. Sparkles booped you on the nose, “Well, it would ensure that you made it out of here alive, which I believe you would find beneficial and all.”
Obnoxious prick. But he did have a point, you would rather make it back home alive rather than fucking around and finding out (aka dying). “So what? Are you going to just leave me here? No welcome brochure? Thanks.”
You were being sarcastic, since it was either sarcasm or having a full-on existential crisis, since hey, magic wasn’t real in your world! Dimension? Galaxy? Where the fuck was this place?! How the hell did you end up here?!
“Hmm good point…” he snapped his fingers and there was now a book sitting in your lap. “This should suffice, do be warned though, Beastie, I may call on you later to return the favour. For now though,” he started to turn into green sparkles, “toodaloo!~” And he turned into a bat, flying off into the sunset, leaving you alone at the edge of the swamp with the only things to your name being the clothes on your back and a book in your lap.
How to Survive the Underground; For Humans! … Did he just give you this world’s equivalent of a For Dummies book? What the fuck? Was this kind of sick joke to him?
…
…
Once some of your ire had subsided, you decided to sit down on a boulder and read a bit of the book while there was still some sunlight out, but it was dipping into the horizon fast.
How to Survive the Underground; For Humans! By Yelworc Erid Preface …… i - iv Chapter 1; Surviving Your First Night…… 1 - 10 Chapter 2; Edible Food for Humans …… 11 - 31 Chapter 3; The Basics of Fae Etiquette …… 32 - 35 3.1; Species Specifics …… 36 - 146 3.2; Government Specifics …… 147 - 169 Chapter 4; Help! I Have Been Indentured to a Fae! …… 170 - 200 Chapter 5; Adjusting to Fae Social Life …… 201 - 224 Chapter 6; Transmittable Illnesses & Diseases …… 225 - 261 Chapter 7; Fae Courting Practices …… 262 - 264 7.1; Species Specifications …… 265 - 366 7.2; Government Specifications …… 367 - 389 7.3; Accepting a Courting Proposal …… 390 - 393 7.4; Refusing a Courting Proposal …… 394 - 401 Chapter 8; How to Handle Fae Children …… 402 - 452 Chapter 9; How to Leave the Underground … 453 Chapter 10; Adjusting to Life in the Underground …… 454 - 482 Acknowledgments …… 483 - 485
Looking back up to the horizon, you quickly turned the pages to Chapter 1; Surviving Your First Night.
“If you are unable to find yourself some suitable shelter, one should find themselves safe by camping out in a rowan tree. These trees can easily be found by their vermillion clusters of berries. They keep away all native species of the Underground,” you read out loud, turning your attention to the trees nearby, searching for those berries. “Rowan tree, rowan tree–”
A loud screech coming from the undergrowth only pushed you further.
Nope, I do not want to find out what THAT was! Nope! NoPe! NOPE!
Finally, you found a tall enough tree and you hauled your ass up it like there was a fire below you, and you were up in the canopy, far enough up that nothing could reach you, but also high enough where you needed to be careful, since you didn’t want to meet an early death because you made a wrong move. But for now, you were safe.
“Nice try buddy,” you muttered to yourself, trying to get comfy. Wood wasn’t the comfiest thing in the world, but you weren’t really in the position to be complaining. “I am not on the menu.”
The screech came again, this time closer; yeah, you weren’t sleeping tonight. The sun was now beyond the horizon, and there was no moon, the only light coming from the stars above; it was very pretty, but you could see jack shit. This was going to be a long night… and not a fun one, since you could also see the glowing eyes of unknown creatures which were, quite frankly, freaky as fuck. So yeah, no sleep for you.
“This fucking sucks,” you grumbled, and a chittering from the bog seemed to mock you. “This really fucking sucks.”
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…
Tags; @busycloudy, @eynnwwyjth, @identity-theft-101, @ithseem, @krenenbaker, @lucid-stories, @ryker-writes, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii
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Author's Note; This chapter is shorter, but it felt natural to end the chapter like this. This chapter, and the previous one, were both rewrites of an old WIP, so from here on out I don't have to rewrite! YIPPEE!!! Rewriting takes me forever, so we shall see what I come up with next.
If you liked this, do check out my masterlist for more content!
#twst#twst x reader#twst x gn reader#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twisted wonderland x gn reader#lilia vanrouge#lilia vanrouge x reader#lilia vanrouge x gn reader#still building up that aspect; yeah it's gonna be a while but that allows for some yearning#got another labyrinth mention in there#i decided to be nice to reader where they don't end up smelling like rotten eggs for their entire stay in the underground;#; it would be funny but reader has been through enough without needing to smell bad on top of that#twst labyrinth au#gilf enjoyers rejoice#why does rewriting take me so damn long? i even deleted scenes that i didn't feel like keeping#writing is pain and suffering yet it brings me immense joy... not gonna elaborate on that#not a bunch of fun stuff hidden in the tags this time but oh well
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I’m going to phrase this delicately because I’m so deeply grateful and awed by the support I’ve received.
But I will say it is a little anxiety inducing how many people feel they can talk about coming home whatever way they want openly and publicly because it has “numbers” or whatever (referring to my own work like this makes me want to claw my eyes out because they baffle me and I don’t necessarily feel I deserve them but it’s important for context).
This is Especially true for the way people speak under things I very much see. Art of the fic. My Twitter mutuals posts. Things I will very obviously interact with. It feels like someone is walking into my back yard and talking shit as if I'm literally not standing in said yard like this 🧍
You make something for a community for free as an act of passion and then the community in turn becomes something that isn’t quite accessible to you anymore. I’ve seen this happen to a lot of fic writers in my previous fandoms and idk man it’s just kind of a bummer.
Like. Fanfic and fanart is made by people in the fandom for the fandom. It’s not work being produced by some distant people in Hollywood who shouldn’t be in the fandom space in the first place.
Idk, it’s actually pretty rare that this happens to me but I wanted to mention I am a human who can very much read the things you say guys 😭 like if you reblog art related to my work and call it a bunch of petty names and say you had to dnf I can see that. It’s totally ok to feel whatever way you want. But maybe don't feel that way in my back yard.
Again. I’m so grateful for everything I really am. You absolutely do not have to fuck with my work. Fuck I don't fuck with my work sometimes DKLFJSDHF. This is probably the last time I’ll talk about this because the last thing I want to do is come off like I can’t take criticism and I’m ungrateful. But sometimes I really am chewing at my enclosure like IM RIGHT HERE MAN IM LITERALLY BEHIND YOU HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT.
#on the upside I have definetly developed a thicker skin over the past month#I genuinely mean it things that used to phase me now just kind of annoy me#but on the other hand#I do feel fic writers should be able to be members of the fandoms they write for#I’ve noticed some of the other writers in this fandom once they get attention do not interact much#but idk I don’t…. want that to be me#9/10 chance I’ll feel weird about this and delete in the next five minutes to an hour#but yeah sometimes I do feel there’s this ‘shut up and be grateful’ thing that gets imposed on me#but I can be grateful and also set boundaries and talk about things that make me stressed or uncomfortable me thinks#never something i'd do on twitter. but something i'm going to cautiously attempt here#honestly if this helps one person realize how to better interact in fandom spaces online i'll be happy#also side note since im leaning towards maybe keeping this up#im literally fine. i'm big chilling right now. posted this in a good headspace over my coffee yada yada#no need to defend my honor or point fingers you know#also i know to an extent that this stuff is inevitable#and i cannot stop it or whatever. but again. i'd at least like to say it just the once#at this point its not even the crit itself that makes me feel a certain type of way#it just makes me feel kind of invisible and dehumanized
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well since 2 of u enabled me, here's gabe o'hara doodles
#we'll see how long i keep this up before i chicken out and delete it lol#not haikyuu#will have more haikyuu stuff later i just need some fresh ideas is all#spiderverse#gabriel o'hara#im soooooooooooooo normal about him
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Ok since Monika still has her admin powers in the side stories you think she could just discover them accidentally or use them without realizing
Anyways au where Monika and friends discover her admin powers but dont know about the wider context of what it means. So they just go around thinking Monika has magic and try practicing with a bunch of silly fun shenanigans because they figure it’s some chosen one bloodline stuff and not like. A product of their reality being a constricted digital science experiment.
This au will not end well
#yeah she probably needs the epiphany to consciously use it but hypothetical aus are fun and the angst potential it plentiful#the beauty of this au is that it contains potential for both wacky slice of life escapades and soul crushing angst#they’re like doing a dumb 3am ghost summoning ritual and Monika accidentally does some admin stuff and they’re like ‘woah your magic’#and they research a bunch of other dumb stupid rituals and nearly set the carpet on fire#they like try to rob a bank or cheat on a test and nearly delete half a building#and then at some point Monika suddenly extends her admin powers too far and acts real despondent for no reason#because she ends up epiphany beaming herself and is even more conflicted than base game because she grows so much more connected to the club#it’s even worse because they were her whole world and she knows so much she sees how human they are but they just aren’t apparently?????#and while she can’t pull a base game and kill everyone for a nonexistent player she still goes through so much angst and like#the girls notice and want to help but don’t know how because she won’t tell anyone and she keeps avoiding them and like aauughhh#it would probably end with Monika doing something drastic and trying to reach out for anyone out there who understands#and idk maybe she’ll find base game Monika post act 4 and she’s like ‘what the heck why did you abandon your friends don’t to what I did???’#and maybe she could fix her mistakes???? maybe not??????? whatever’s narratively fulfilling#shoot this was supposed to be a short post for a silly au what have I done#this feels like the plot of a kids tv show where the plot randomly gets really dark on its fifth season#also realizing al lot of the same plot points happen in my fantasy au so I really gotta get to that too#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tempestmothtalk
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I've basically been gunning on teaching myself comics (with a few wrong turns 🥴) the last few years and I've been pleased at everything I've learned so far and proud of the projects I've completed! But I think I really need to accept that the way I draw is just not social media friendly 🧍♂️
#really wish i could be super cool and be like social media has no power over me#but i just feel awful every time i log in to anything#i know i'm only at a certain place in terms of technical skill#and need to really keep improving#but i always feel like no matter what fandom i'm in or what i'm drawing i'm just leagues behind everyone else#my stuff is somehow missing some key thing that has appeal#p sure my 'skill' if i have any in art is sequential storytelling and not the actual art itself tbh#doesn't mean i'm not a dumbass who's just like surprisedpikachu.jpeg every single time lmao#i think my parents going through more health scares is making me just freak out about my life actually lol gonna delete this soon enough
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we dont have enough fanart and fanfics about sauron in numenor. im begging for scraps im manifesting im sending signals to the universe
#angbang#mairon at the edge of his grief. going insane the whole religion temple human sacrificies prophet thing for his dead master#i need him on his knees in front of a huge melkor sculpture DESPERATE like a dog searching for his owner after they are gone#like normally in first age its different but when melkor isgone and after everything that happens#i need him at his most pathetic.like hes doing all that and hes cunning hes powerful his mind is still sharp but sharpness goes into insani#and inside he is absolutely torn and in pieces and everything he was suppressing and running away from catches up with him#and then cue fall of numenor#but like. i need a really good psychosexual fic with grief. i really am manifesting. my prayers will go to the universe#and one day a writer on ao3 will go into some kind of trance to create exactly that and better i believe it#and on fanart wise. 1. mairon kissing melkor sculpture with tears. 2. mairon on his knees in front of the sculpture#perhaps forehead to the floor too full on worship style#for extra i would not say no to a h*rny psychosexual grieving fic where mairon does some stuff with the sculpture#you know the kind of fic that makes you miserable and turned on at the same time#anyway. another post to delete later#&#no one will read this but im open to any recs too like send me links fanart fanfic it doesnt have to be like what i said#i just need sauron in numenor i am starving
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I need to shift the balance and build a yaoi following too...
#personal#delete later#drew so much gl yuri that people don't bat an eye when i draw utena outta nowhere...#the labru post is going real slow so i'm guessing i don't have a big enough following for bl stuff...#i need to change that#i've been planning on drawing some phoenix x edgeworth stuff too
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I feel like I'm close to being able to post chapter 36 of KSFM, but there is ONE GODDAMN SCENE that is very important and unable to be cut, but every time I try to write it, my brain draws a complete blank. I literally can't write anything readable when it comes to this scene, but the story can't progress without it. It's a big part of why I took a break this summer, and yet time hasn't eased this specific writer's block at all🙃
#cam rants#sorry#it's just a complete black hole of creativity#and idk how to get around it#do i delete chapter 35 and start again?#but i've got no other ideas for that either#idk man#i've written some stuff i want to share#but maybe this is a sign that i need to give up on this fic too
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ah, i love waking up to hate mail making fun of my art 😶 but you know, i think it speaks a lot to the emotional illiteracy of some folks that they think such a thing will get a lasting rise. who knows why they do it? is it for a cheap laugh? are they projecting because they dislike their own art? are they so personally miserable that they just want to tear other people down to fill that gaping void in their real lives?
#apologies guys i've just had a very rough week with some awful personal stuff and this has tipped me over a bit#i get it don't feed the trolls but when so many bad things happpen at once#you start to wonder if you are the common denominator and should just log off#don't worry i'm all good...just probably need some time offline is all#i strive to keep this space as positive as possible but i'd rather be realistic about my mental health#vent#delete later#starleskatalks
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tennis x my ‘don’t forget i’m also just a girl’ pinterest board pt. 2
#i’ve deleted this thrice now cause i wanted to change stuff😭😭#you need to have maximum tennis brain rot to understand some of these lmao#anyway here goes nothing i guess#the andy one physically hurt me to make#casper ruud#daniil medvedev#maria sharapova#holger rune#roger federer#rafael nadal#fedal#andy murray#novak djokovic#iga swiatek
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fuck with me
fuck with meeee
im trying to do different sprite styles and sizing down full drawings to make a base is so fucking dumb looking. christ. also ace not looking like they havent slept in days feels illegal.
on another topic god seeing other pokepasta blogs interact with each other lately has been so fun. i really wanna do that sometime soon... it certainly wouldnt be canon but i havent gotten to see stuff like that circling around since my time in the daily pokemon community! though maybe its just cus of the blogs that i follow that im seeing it now hajnsljkns
#mn diary#practicing sprites is fun but god is it a 'trust the fucking process' type of activity#ik at some point i think i said i didnt want character interactions on mn but honestly im gonna retract that statement...#even if it isnt canon theres a lot of fun to be had seeing how different characters can interact#i was just. still figuring out what the fuck i was doing at that point..#i havent really (sucessfully) run an ask blog before lol. i consider cottons old thing an entire other kind of beast#im so mad i deleted that fucking blog theres so much stuff there ill never get back now#ive mentioned it to the other mods and given. it was never a formal rule (as we dont Have Any really) we decided we didnt need to make-#a big thing abt it and just. roll with whatever happens now. esp given asks have been on hiatus for so long#and we've gotten a bunch of new followers since then too#ig this is the closest thing to an official 'announcement' im making then.. right there with funny ace wip
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Some gala au shenanigans :3 the brainrot is strong with this one
#my time at sandrock#mtas#mtas oc#mtas builder#mtas arvio#bii art#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#mtas fanart#oc: rosemary#teddy came up with the genius idea of a gala au in the otas server a while back. i was so ready to put romvio in fancy fits#basically sandrock is holding a gala to get sponsors or people interested in helping the place out#obviously arvio is one of the first people there to convince people like musa to sponsor by the stairs and such#romie is there to help fang and qi with social stuff because out of the 3 she is somehow the best with that kind of thing#she definitely isnt interested in seeing her bf in some nice getup. definitely didnt think of him while picking what to wear#hes also calling her his wife because uhhhh. he wants to :3 he will brag so much about the beautiful lady at his side#if you saw me post this and delete it at like 2am. no u didnt. i decided it needed some color in the back lmao
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It's crazy to me that my doctors often criticize me for having "medical anxiety" but i never really had medical anxiety (to this extent at least) before I moved here and started seeing the doctors at this practice, where upon learning that I have a mental illness that has psychosis elements, would literally NEVER miss a chance to try to convince me that ALL my physical health issues are just a figment of my imagination, psychosis, or my apparent desire for attention ... (and like, not to mention they would oftentimes refuse to test or treat me unless i first "lost a bunch of weight"). My PCP once tried to convince me i must not be taking my mental health meds and that's why i "thought" i was having these health concerns... and like, belittling me to the point where I was told, point blank, to my face: "I'm not testing you for lyme Disease because it would be a waste of resources and you cannot possibly have it" (his exact words), despite my growing up and living in NEW ENGLAND, as well as one of the lyme disease capitols of the world, my dad being a deer hunter and having lyme disease himself, also having a bunch of symptoms that maybe could be other things too but were definitely in-line with lyme disease, but yeah, because I have a mental health disorder I must be just looking for attention 🙄 Now I avoid going to the doctor and when I do, I just downplay all my health concerns, even tho some are pretty serious and have a very negative impact on my day to day life.
Oh, the irony of being belittled by doctors for having "medical anxiety" when they were the ones who gave me medical anxiety in the first place lol
#funky's personal tag#delete later#sorry just venting lol#I need to go to dr to get some stuff checked out but i'm STRESSING#because I'm so used to these doctors literally trying to convince me i'm 'crazy' lol#anyway. I think it's high time i switch to another practice...#I just hate that whole process lol#also: All the medical practices in my local area talk to each other#so I'm scared nothing will really change even if I DO change practices -.-#anywayyyyyyy such is life#anyway. sorry for getting personal on the tolkien blog lol#just venting to the void
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