#I need someone who understands the struggle

[wicked-yarn]

I live in Oklahoma Currently all mainstream porn sites are required by law to register our Government issued ID's in order to access them. This is very obviously going to be used against people if/when the coming storm. The only places where one can still access porn without getting on a list that the government won't monitor is social media and blogging platforms. Just taking a moment to say that before the porn ban I was able to scroll through tumblr and ethically source all of my smut from independent artists like I was at a Farmers market of pussy and dick. I was able to find stuff made by artists who were the same as me and I could make sure they were the kind of person within the fetish community I was okay being around too. Now that almost all fetish content is being painted with the same degenerate brush, I have seen the people I was comfortable with disappear out of shame.....and you left me with a bunch of fucking assholes. On that note, here is a list of things that count as fetishes or kinks. Large breasts Small Breasts Skinny Fat Muscles Short Tall ShortxTall(size diff) Being a Housewife(trad wifing is a fetish, it is a kink lifestyle sorry not sorry) Clowns Getting hit with a pie/mud/slime (It's called Splat) Turning into something else (Anything, yes anything, yes any form of transformation at all is under the transformation fetish umbrella) Being under the Command of someone with more authority than you Getting insulted Having to wear clothes that don't align with their preferred gender Being treated younger than you are Not having to do anything Having to do everything for everyone. If you're looking at some of these and going "That CAN'T be a kink! That's a normal every day situation!" Congrats. That's a kink. "B-but that's in cartoons for kids!" Yep, and someone thinks it's hot. "That is disturbing and their mind is broken!" Hey that's just like, YOUR opinion man. "Well I want to write a story that's 100% fetish free!!!!!!" Good fucking luck buddy, In the world of fetishes being made to do anything at all in fiction can be a fetish. "You sound like YOU'RE a pervert!" I am, I am an open Kinkster who uses the BDSM concepts of roleplay and power dynamics to understand the world better. Unlike those weirdos who don't know about their fetish and thinks everyone wants to suck on toes all day and write every speech they ever write refering to the innate desire we all have to suck on toes. My point is that Fetishes and Kink can arise from normal situations and when you're writing fictions you will eventually rub up against a fetish noo matter what and you have two options to do about it. "Okay Pervert, I'm barely listening to you but tell my your crazy idea about how we need to be okay about perverts." Either stop caring that perverts exist, cause pervs are gonna perv, you can't control them or stop them. Just ignore them, shove them off to the side and just write. OR weirdly, listen to them You might be surprised by what you learn. If Someone who's thing is watching a power stuggle between two strong personalities ADORES your power struggle story...maybe learning a little of the tropes and desires of that fetish can punch up your stories Person with a hand fetish that likes music? They'll notice what cords your character is playing on the guitar. EMBRACE THE PERVERTS!!!!!! A Pervert can be a friend who can warn you about an oncoming storm......I mean if you're not busy calling them a pedophile for having sex while also enjoying a cartoon.

“Why are you so upset about adult content bans? You don’t even post that stuff. can’t you just look at porn somewhere else?”

Well, you see, I have this small problem where my very existence is considered adult content by a small but very powerful group of people and I actually rather enjoy being able to exist in public without restriction so uhhhh put that in your bong and smoke it kiddo.

[00valentina-writes00]

could you maybe do a ambessa x sensitive reader? Reader is super sensitive, to loud noises probably people yelling at them in general. Maybe ambessa and reader get into an argument, reader closes up and Ambessa attempts to fix it, I need a bit of angst in my life 😭

✞⛧ Quiet..please..? (Ambessa x Reader) ✞⛧

Warnings: Angst, Emotional distress, Mild argument and conflict, Sensitive reader (anxiety and emotional overwhelm)

Word count: 1.7k

It started with a few sharp words, simple enough to brush off if you weren’t already on edge. Ambessa’s voice had a weight to it, even when she wasn’t shouting. Her words were always firm, commanding, but today, it hit differently. Maybe it was the way she seemed to tower over you when she spoke, or the look in her eyes, cold and unwavering as you tried to explain yourself.

Her patience had always been a rarity, and when she was irritated, there was no sugar-coating the truth.

“Is this how you want to handle things?” Ambessa asked, her words clipped, dripping with frustration. “With silence? With cowardice?”

You winced at the harshness of her tone, unable to hide the way your stomach knotted. Her voice felt like an attack, even though you knew she wasn’t aiming for the same intent. She didn’t yell, but her presence was enough to make you feel small. Vulnerable.

“I-I’m not a coward,” you stuttered, fighting back tears that threatened to spill. “I just— I can’t… when you’re like this, when you’re shouting… it’s too much. Please.”

Her sharp eyes softened for just a moment, but then she leaned forward, her brow furrowing as she processed your words. “I’m not shouting. I’m talking. You need to stop being so fragile.”

It stung. The words, the lack of understanding—Ambessa always prided herself on being tough, resilient, untouchable. She had built her reputation on that very strength. But when it came to you, someone who had never learned how to shield themselves from the world the way she had, it felt like she didn’t get it. She couldn’t understand why you needed space when it felt like the walls were closing in.

Your breath hitched, panic seizing your chest. You felt suffocated, the air too thick, too tense, as if the room itself was accusing you. You couldn’t even process your own thoughts without being drowned out by the noise of her voice in your head. Every word felt like another wave crashing over you.

“Please, Ambessa… I just need quiet,” you whispered, backing away a step, wanting to distance yourself from the intensity that she exuded. “Please, I need… time.”

Her gaze shifted, a flicker of something—maybe realization, or maybe annoyance—dancing in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words didn’t come. Instead, she let out a long, frustrated breath, and in that moment, you could feel the distance grow.

“Fine,” she said quietly, almost too softly. “If that’s what you want. We’re done here.”

The words were final, and they stung more than any shouting could have. She didn’t raise her voice, didn’t yell—she just ended it. It felt worse than anything. You stood there for a moment, blinking back tears, trying to catch your breath, but the words had cut too deep. You couldn’t say anything back. You couldn’t defend yourself.

You simply turned away, retreating into the other room. The door clicked shut behind you with a hollow sound that echoed through the silence that followed. Your hands trembled as you pressed them against your face, struggling to suppress the growing ache in your chest.

The world outside of your own mind felt loud, overwhelming. And her silence? It was even worse. It made you feel as though you didn’t matter enough to be heard. The longer she stayed quiet, the more you felt like you were fading into the background, insignificant.

The walls closed in, and your chest tightened with each passing minute, the pressure becoming too much to bear. The air felt thick with unsaid things. The anxiety that had been bubbling beneath the surface finally erupted, and you couldn’t stop the tears that fell—silent, unrelenting.

The longer you stayed there, curled up against the cold wall, the more isolated you felt. There was no noise, no words, no warmth. Just an unbearable emptiness, as if something precious had slipped through your fingers.

Hours passed. Time had no meaning in the stillness. Ambessa hadn’t come in. She hadn’t tried to speak to you, hadn’t sent anyone to check on you. Maybe she didn’t care anymore. Maybe she was right—maybe you were too fragile, too sensitive to exist in her world. The thought twisted painfully in your chest, gnawing at you, squeezing the air from your lungs.

The ache of her absence was louder than her presence. The space between you felt infinite, filled with nothing but the unanswered questions that echoed in your mind. Did she really think you were weak? Did she think you were too broken for her?

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to push the thoughts away, but they were relentless. A faint hum from the lights in the room was the only sound that kept you company.

You weren’t sure when, but at some point, you must have fallen asleep. The exhaustion from the emotional weight of the day took over, and you drifted into a restless slumber, the ache still lingering in your chest.

It wasn’t until much later that you heard the familiar sound of footsteps. The door creaked open just slightly, and you immediately stiffened, your body locking up with tension. A small part of you was angry, but a larger part, the part you hated, just wanted her to take you back, to say she hadn’t meant it.

“Darling?” Ambessa’s voice—soft, hesitant—came through the crack in the door.

You didn’t answer. Your throat felt too tight, the lump there choking you. You couldn’t even find the strength to speak. Her footsteps paused, and the silence that followed stretched too long, thick with uncertainty.

Then the door opened just a little wider, and she stepped inside, as if she was testing the waters. Her movements were slow, calculated, as though she was waiting for you to pull away, to retreat further into the shadows.

“Don’t shut me out,” she said, her voice quieter than you’d ever heard it. “I can’t fix this if you won’t talk to me.”

You turned your face away, the urge to shut yourself off overwhelming. You couldn’t let her see the rawness in your eyes, the vulnerability that was so exposed. You had always known how fierce she could be, how driven, how invincible. But this side of her—the way she was speaking now—it scared you. It scared you because you didn’t want to lose her, but more than that, you didn’t know how to make her understand you. Not when it felt like you were always trying to swim in a current that was too strong.

She sat down beside you, not touching you, but close enough that you could feel her presence, her warmth. The space between you felt vast, like an ocean, and she didn’t push, didn’t demand. She waited.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered after a long moment, her voice filled with frustration—but it wasn’t directed at you. It was frustration with herself. “I didn’t know what to say. I thought… I thought you’d understand. I didn’t mean to yell. You’re not fragile. I’m the one who—”

You finally turned to look at her, your face a mix of exhaustion and raw emotion. Her words—so simple, so gentle now—only made the tears well up again. “It’s not… it’s not about being fragile, Ambessa.” Your voice trembled as you spoke. “It’s that… when things get loud, when everything feels like it’s coming at me all at once, I can’t breathe. I need space. I need quiet. But… you—” You stopped, choking on your words, feeling the weight of them too heavily. “You don’t understand. You never… you don’t need that. You’re always so strong, so calm, and I—”

“Hey.” She gently cupped your face, her hand warm against your skin, steadying you. The pressure in your chest lifted slightly at the softness of her touch. “I’m sorry for not seeing that. I’ve been… so used to fighting with everything I have that I forget not everyone can handle it the same way. I know it’s hard for you when things get tense. I get frustrated, and I forget. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

You closed your eyes, pressing your cheek against her palm, feeling the softness of her words seep into you. It was all you had wanted—understanding. A recognition that you weren’t weak, just different. She was trying. You could hear it in the way her voice softened, in the way her touch held you, a tentative reassurance that she hadn’t given up.

“Do you hate me?” you whispered, your voice barely audible, a tremor running through it. You couldn’t bring yourself to meet her gaze fully. The fear of hearing her answer was paralyzing.

“No,” she replied quickly, her grip tightening slightly, as if to reassure you. “No. I could never hate you.” She paused, her voice softer now. “I… I just don’t know how to make it better. I don’t want to hurt you. You matter too much to me for that.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “I should’ve handled it better, too.”

Ambessa sighed and leaned back against the wall, pulling you gently with her so that you were sitting side by side, your heads resting against the same cool surface. There was silence between you for a long moment, but it wasn’t suffocating anymore. It wasn’t the kind of silence that made your skin crawl with anxiety. This silence was different—calmer, quieter. It was the kind of peace that only came after you had fought through something difficult, and you felt the first glimmers of understanding.

“I won’t push you again,” Ambessa said softly, her voice still filled with the vulnerability she rarely showed. “But you’ve got to tell me when it’s too much. I can’t fix it if you’re not honest with me, okay?”

You nodded, feeling a small wave of relief wash over you. The tension in your chest started to fade, even though the ache was still there, lingering like a shadow. “Okay.”

And for the first time that day, there was a quiet peace between you, even if the lingering ache still tugged at your heart. Maybe it wasn’t perfect yet. Maybe there were still things to figure out. But for now, it was enough.

[sundaysconsort]

I would like to request some fluffy established relationship headcanons for Aven, Phainon and Stella (my queen 🤲🐥💛🥹) hehe, take your time with this req! 🤭🫶💖

Entry : " Just You And I Until Forever "

Pairings : HSR! Aventurine | HSR! Phainon | OC! Strelitzia

Information : My "fluffy" Established Relationship headcanons! It's been several years since I've written a request, I hope this is to your satisfaction, my Beloved. I’m sure it’s somewhat ooc, and I apologize if it’s chaotic or repetitive! 🥲💙🫶

Tags : Fluff, Emotional vulnerability, Doubt, Comfort, Established Relationship, Intimacy, mutual respect, supportive relationships, gentle affection, etc. I'm terrible at tags.

Subject: Aventurine | Love Language: Gift giving

Aventurine’s love language is unmistakably rooted in "gift-giving." He is a man who equates his self-worth with his financial success, and there’s a certain joy that radiates from him when he showers you with lavish presents. Each carefully chosen gift is not just an object; it symbolizes his affection and desire to indulge you, reinforcing his sense of pride and fulfillment in the relationship.

He is a man who possesses an uncanny ability to read your gaze, effortlessly guiding you through the vibrant store aisles filled with colorful fabrics and stylish garments. As he strolls alongside you, his keen eye catches sight of various pieces of clothing, and he eagerly presents them to you, his enthusiasm infectious. If you express even the slightest interest in a particular item, he insists on purchasing it for you, his generosity unwavering, no matter the cost. Should you politely decline his offer, he remains undeterred. With a patient smile, he waits for a moment when your attention is elsewhere, and by the morning light, you might discover the very piece of clothing you hesitated over, neatly folded on your bed as if waiting for you. Alternatively, you may receive a discreet text message, a playful hint teasing you about a delightful surprise eagerly awaiting you once you complete your work or studies.

He is a man who takes pride in flaunting you as his own, to the point where it sometimes borders on possessiveness. With a broad grin, he delights in the attention you attract, wrapping his arm around your waist in public and speaking with intention—louder so that those around you can hear. He clings desperately to his last chip, fully aware that without his luck, he feels lost. Without you, what does he have left? You belong to him, just as he belongs to you. It will take time for him to embrace himself, as he is already capable of doing for you.

He is a man whose every intention is to make you feel beautiful, help you stand out, and remind himself that you belong to him. He struggles to understand the concept of love and the idea of someone truly cherishing him. To him, you are a gamble, a thrill he cannot resist, no matter how hard he once tried. He is completely wrapped around your finger.

He is a man who once believed that he could rely solely on his good fortune, as he felt he had nothing else to offer. Or rather, he once had nothing. Now, however, he has more to lose than ever before: you. You have become his top priority for as long as your relationship continues.

He is a man who misses his partner dearly, finding that every little detail in his life somehow reminds him of you. Little by little, he begins to enjoy his life again; every gamble he wins becomes money to be spent on you. You have become his reason for living. Each time he is able to care for his own needs, he feels secure, knowing that you are happiest when he is healthy. You make him whole, serving as a beacon of light in his once-darkened world of solitude. In your presence, he often drops his usual confident facade and smooth talk; whether through his words or actions, he becomes more genuine. He may speak less, carefully choosing his words to ensure they are sincere rather than deceptive.

He is a man who endlessly praises your body and your character. He possesses a genuine love that is free from fabrication or deceit; he truly treasures it. Surprisingly, he is more hesitant when it comes to receiving physical touch than one might expect. In a committed relationship, every move he makes is carefully calculated to elicit a reaction from you. He kisses your fingers delicately, appreciates your every imperfection, and gently trails his kisses toward your knuckles before resting his forehead against the back of your hand.

He is a man who melts into your embrace over time. At first, his body may feel stiff when you take him into your arms, but soon a wave of ease washes over him, and he returns the embrace with an amused comment laced with desire. He craves your arms wrapped around him. His eyes may close as he sinks deeper into your frame, feeling safe. Whether he is the one protecting you or the other way around, he is content to relish this moment. He allows himself to feel the warmth, care, and love that come from a true partner—someone who has seen him at his worst and loves him all the same.

He is a man who takes every chance to whisk you away on a luxurious adventure. While he enjoys shopping during your dates, he gradually introduces you to exquisite meals at sought-after restaurants, all while remembering your favorite dishes for next time. When the moment is right, he confidently orders for you, always with a warm grin. You | "What if I wanted to try something new today?" Aventurine | "Then I'd buy you that as well. Who do you take me for?"

Bonus section for @aventurineswife, I'll feel guilty if it's not fluffy enough for you. He is a man who delights in the sound of your laughter, cherishing it more than anything else in the world. When he breathes softly against your neck, it sends a thrill down your spine, and then he turns away with a casual, playful air, as if to draw you deeper into his charm. At the sight of you, he can’t help but whistle, a melody that reflects the joy you bring to his life. He has a knack for moments of whimsy, like when he playfully sets his hat atop your head, playfully shielding your eyes from the sun, while also drawing you into a world of shared laughter. In conversations, he removes his sunglasses, allowing his eyes to convey the sincerity of his attentiveness. He leans in closer, captivated by your words and eager to connect on a deeper level, showing that your thoughts and opinions matter to him immensely. He is the kind of man who would go any distance for your attention, whether it’s a small gesture or a grand romantic act. Although he presents an air of confidence, he can be brought to his knees when you challenge him, and only by you, revealing an endearing vulnerability. He thrives on the banter, enjoying how you keep him on his toes, igniting playful debates that spark chemistry between you. He loves to tease you endlessly, his gentle jabs filled with affection, always knowing exactly how to make you smile. There’s something intoxicating about the way he inhales your scent as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, savoring the moment as if it’s a precious secret. His commitment shines through in the way he makes you wear matching rings, a playful promise that symbolizes a bond evolving toward something even deeper—a future engagement that he envisions with you. He genuinely values your opinions, listening attentively and encouraging you to express yourself freely. When it comes to your body, he sees beauty in every imperfection. He adores your "imperfections" whether they're love handles, moles, stretch marks, birthmarks, or scars, he'll end up interpreting each one as a testament to your beauty, strength and unique story. He is unapologetically a man in love, celebrating every facet of who you are and embracing the unique qualities that make you, you.

Subject: Phainon | Love Language: Physical touch

Phainon is a man who places a high value on "physical touch;" it is his primary love language. He feels most connected to others through the warmth of hugs, the brush of a hand, and the intimacy of close proximity. For him, these simple gestures convey deep affection and strengthen his emotional bonds with those he cares about.

He is a man who wraps his arms around you gently as you drift off to sleep, providing a warm and comforting presence. With each soothing embrace, he creates a safe haven, making sure you feel protected and cherished throughout the night. His steady breathing and quiet whispers reassure you, helping to quiet any worries that might linger in your mind. In those moments, you can surrender to rest, knowing he will safeguard your dreams with love and care.

He is a man who envelops you in a flurry of affectionate kisses, his lips brushing against your skin with a gentle urgency. Each kiss feels like a promise, as he methodically covers every inch of your body, lingering on your cheeks, forehead, and the curve of your neck, pouring his heart into each moment. As he prepares for a long mission that will take him away from you, he seems to want to memorize the warmth of your skin and the rhythm of your breath, as if these tender moments might sustain you both in the days to come. His kisses are not just physical gestures; they carry a depth of emotion, reminding you that every second spent together is a cherished memory to hold onto during his absence.

He is a man who is thoughtful and devoted. He who willingly adjusts his meticulously planned schedule to accommodate your needs. Despite the demanding responsibilities that come with being the Chrysos heir, a position that often pulls him in numerous directions, he prioritizes your time together. His commitment reflects not only his affection for you but also his determination to make every moment count, regardless of the pressures he faces from his title and the expectations that come with it.

He is a man who clings to the tiniest fragments of your conversations, recalling with fondness the playful exchanges and silly remarks that once made you both laugh. Each lighthearted memory—like your infectious giggle or a shared inside joke—becomes a precious lifeline amid the harsh realities of the battlefield. As he navigates the chaos and uncertainty of combat, he often finds himself lost in daydreams of home, where your smile awaits him. The very thought of not returning to you weighs heavily on his heart, filling him with a determination to survive, so he can once again embrace the safe haven of your presence and relive those cherished moments.

He is a man who takes his role as your partner seriously. As the respected heir of Chrysos, he stands guard over you, ensuring that no one suspicious can approach without his explicit permission. Anyone who seeks to reach you must first navigate through his watchful presence, as he meticulously assesses their intentions, weighing each potential visitor with careful scrutiny before deciding whether to grant them access. His formidable demeanor can be intimidating, but beneath it lies a willingness to respect your wishes. If you desire space or want him to step back, he will readily understand and allow you the freedom you seek, always prioritizing your comfort, often brushing off his protective behavior with humor and affection.

He is a man who effortlessly attuned to the subtle social cues that reveal your emotions. He seems to instinctively know what brings you joy and what makes you uncomfortable, even if you hesitate to share your feelings. His playful nature often shines through as he tells silly jokes, aiming to elicit a smile from you or lighten the mood when he senses any unease.

He is a man who, upon realizing he has upset you or made you feel uncomfortable, instantly transforms into a flurry of apologies. His demeanor shifts noticeably, and you can see the concern etched on his face as he fumbles through his words, striving to express how truly sorry he is for his actions. It’s as if he feels a deep sense of responsibility for your feelings and is eager to make amends, often over-explaining himself in a bid to ensure you understand that it was never his intention to cause you distress. His awkwardness only adds to the sincerity of his remorse, making it clear that he values your feelings profoundly.

Subject: Strelitzia "Stella" | Love Language: Quality time

Strelitzia is a woman known for her striking presence, often opting for silence instead of speech. She values "quality time" with her partner, and her moments of quietude do not stem from a lack of thoughts or feelings. Rather, they reflect a profound depth of character and a keen observant nature.

She is a woman who is devoted, willing to fight for your cause in the face of opposition, despite her own anxieties. You can see the fierce determination etched on her face as she steps forward to protect you without a word, her body tense with anticipation, in fear. When you finally call her name, the tension in her features begins to melt away, replaced by a gentle warmth and concern.

She is a woman who swivels her head at the familiar sound of your voice, her expression lighting up as she searches the crowd for you. Her feathers, a stunning array of iridescent colors, create a soft glow that sets her apart from those around her. As she spots you, her wings unfold gracefully, flapping with an animated rhythm that mirrors the excited wag of a dog’s tail, betraying her eagerness and joy.

She is a woman who tends to withdraw due to her fear of making mistakes. Despite this distance, she can't help but keep a watchful eye on you from afar, silently ensuring your safety. Her protective instincts drive her to monitor your well-being, even if she struggles to engage directly. It’s a complex balance of wanting to be close yet feeling the need to maintain space, all rooted in her desire to shield you from potential harm.

She is a woman who, without even realizing it, orchestrates romantic outings in hidden, tranquil spots away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Whether it's a charming little picnic by a serene lake, a leisurely stroll through a secluded forest, or an unexpected sunset watching at a quiet beach, her natural inclination seems to draw her towards intimate settings that evoke a sense of magic and connection.

She is a woman who truly engages with every word you say, giving her full attention as you share your thoughts, stories, and even your frustrations. With her warm, inviting smile, she creates a safe space where you feel comfortable venting and rambling on. It’s as if she hangs on to each word, her eyes sparkling with empathy, reflecting a genuine interest in what you’re expressing. Whether you’re sharing a small triumph or a deep concern, she listens intently, her expression soft and encouraging, making you feel heard and valued in every moment you spend together.

She is a woman who embodies the saying "actions speak louder than words." Her deeds often convey her intentions and feelings more powerfully than any spoken language could. Despite the fatigue that often accompanies lengthy conversations, she perseveres in her efforts to articulate her thoughts and ideas for you. Her determination to communicate, even when drained, highlights her commitment to connecting with you, ensuring that her message is heard and understood.

She is a woman who cherishes the beauty of subtle, gentle touches that convey warmth and affection. As her relationship deepens, she finds herself growing more impulsive and adventurous, exploring this newfound intimacy with enthusiasm. Unbeknownst to her, each shared moment and intimate gesture signifies her personal growth, allowing her to shed layers of hesitation and embrace the comfort of being herself. With each passing day, she becomes increasingly attuned to her own desires, relishing in the freedom of expressing her feelings openly and confidently.

[caelivir]

hi! for ur event cld i request a brothers best friend!iwaizumi and lovesick by laufey to the aux pls? femreader pls! tysm!! 💗💗

now playing: lovesick by laufey

fun fact: this was my 12th most listened to song of 2024 like i was obsessed w it. sorry this took a little too long. i rewrote this so many times like i don't think you understand how much i was struggling w this.

content. iwaizumi x fem!reader, snuck in fwb, angst if we squint, mentioned/implied boombayah time, reader queen of assuming, no beta | wc. 800+

you wake up to morning sunlight peaking through the curtains and the subtle rattling of the window that accompanies the november winds. you immediately register an arm draped over your waist. the memories of last night suddenly wash over you, making you stiffen as you recall them.

you shift in your bed, the blankets and sheets rustling as you do so. you flip over, facing the man who makes your heart ache and flutter all at once. his arm brushes your skin as you adjust.

you feel it start again, the beat in your chest picking up when your eyes fall on iwaizumi. a ghost of a smile passes through your face as you take in his peaceful, sleeping expression. the rise and fall of his chest matches your own.

the sun’s golden rays paint his features in a way that makes him look more beautiful than he already is. you soak in every detail; the length of his lashes, the slope of his nose, his lips that are chapped ever so slightly.

iwaizumi is a sight for sore eyes.

it’s pathetic how quickly you fell for him, even when the core of your relationship calls for it to mean nothing. but how could you not? he’s caring beyond your comprehension, respectful to everyone, and supportive when you need it. you’ve never adored someone as much as you adored him.

however, you’re certain iwaizumi doesn’t feel the same way. you know that there’s a part of him that holds you as his best friend’s little sister. you think that’s why he leaves in the morning, because staying makes it more than it should be.

yet for some strange reason, he’s still here today. you don’t know why. that in itself makes your heart pound.

before even realizing it, your hand finds his face, cupping it gently, as if to check that he’s real. the moment your skin touches his, he stirs, eyes squeezing before fluttering open. you nearly pull back, the embarrassment hitting you, but the sleepy grin that graces his face is enough for you to decide otherwise.

“g’morning.” iwaizumi mumbles groggily, pressing a chaste kiss to your palm.

“you’re here.” you answer and regret instantly. that’s not what was supposed to spill out of your mouth. bringing it up only sparks the conversation you’re unprepared to face.

“yeah.” he responds, already aware of what you’re insinuating.

you swallow the lump in your throat. your eyes catch the hints of olive green swirling in his irises. for what seemed like ages, neither of you dared to speak. the silence engulfs the room until iwaizumi breaks it. “we need to talk. it’s… long overdue.”

you know it is, but this can only go one of two ways. this arrangement continues, or it ends. only one ensures that you don’t accidentally end up pushing iwaizumi away.

“let’s call it quits.”

iwaizumi blinks. his eyebrows come together like what you’ve said is the most confusing thing in the world. “what?”

“c’mon iwa, we both know doing this was a mistake. not to mention tooru would freak if he found out-”

“he already knows.” iwaizumi reveals.

this time it’s your turn to blink. your jaw falls open as your eyebrows scrunch. “what?!”

“i told him.”

you sit up abruptly. the blanket falls to your lap, and your quick to pull it back up to cover your chest. the panic is evident in your voice as the questions pour out of your mouth. “why on earth would you do that? are you nuts?”

iwaizumi groans as he uses his arm to force himself up. “i’m grateful that he’s in argentina because i’ve never seen him so angry in my life. believe me, if he could, he would’ve reached across the screen to strangle me.”

“if he knows, then why hasn’t he said anything to me?” you ask.

iwaizumi looks down at your hand. his finger twitches as if he longs to grasp it. “i asked him not to.”

“he willingly he agreed to that?”

“after he heard what i had to say, yeah, he did.” iwaizumi runs his tongue over his lips, nodding. you watch his fingers inch closer. they graze against yours until his own warmth engulfs them. he brings his eyes up back to you.

you swallow, steadying your breath before speaking. “and what’d you tell him?”

“…that i’ve fallen in love with you.”

in that moment, the heavens open up. the sky sings. the words you’ve only dreamed of hearing materialize into reality.

“i know you said you want to end this,” iwaizumi brings your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “and if that’s what you want, then we can do that.” he leans closer, kissing your forehead. “let’s start over properly, but i won’t let you go. not now. not ever.”

“iwa…”

iwaizumi cups your cheek. he brushes away a tear that had escaped your eye. “what do you say, sweet girl? let’s give us a shot?”

[lizzybeeee]

In light of recent developments, while I absolutely believe that EA have contributed to the mess that is current day BioWare, I think it's important to not just ignore BioWare's actions as a company and how that has contributed to this entire mess. The last few years have indicated that they have major problems internally with how they manage their workplace. EA is a predatory, vile company that chokes out creativity and treats their developers and customers like trash - you will not catch me defending them - but the news coming out in the past few years has not painted BioWare in a good light at all.

BioWare, as a company, from everything that has come out from ex-developers and interviews, has cultivated a toxic work culture that deserves scrutiny - that needs scrutiny. They don't value their creatives, they don't value their customers, and they think that 'BioWare magic' is an acceptable development mindset, never-mind the strain it puts on their staff.

Perhaps most alarming, it’s a story about a studio in crisis. Dozens of developers, many of them decade-long veterans, have left BioWare over the past two years. Some who have worked at BioWare’s longest-running office in Edmonton talk about depression and anxiety. Many say they or their co-workers had to take “stress leave”—a doctor-mandated period of weeks or even months worth of vacation for their mental health. One former BioWare developer told me they would frequently find a private room in the office, shut the door, and just cry. “People were so angry and sad all the time,” they said. Said another: “Depression and anxiety are an epidemic within Bioware.” “I actually cannot count the amount of ‘stress casualties’ we had on Mass Effect: Andromeda or Anthem,” said a third former BioWare developer in an email. “A ‘stress casualty’ at BioWare means someone had such a mental breakdown from the stress they’re just gone for one to three months. Some come back, some don’t.” 'How BioWare's Anthem Went Wrong, Kotaku

"Depression and anxiety are an epidemic within BioWare" -> and yet, they didn't look to fix this. Instead they kept course, trying to make that 'BioWare Magic' work.

Among those who work or have worked at BioWare, there’s a belief that something drastic needs to change. Many at the company now grumble that the success of 2014’s Dragon Age: Inquisition was one of the worst things that could have happened to them. The third Dragon Age, which won Game of the Year at the 2014 Game Awards, was the result of a brutal production process plagued by indecision and technical challenges. It was mostly built over the course of its final year, which led to lengthy crunch hours and lots of exhaustion. “Some of the people in Edmonton were so burnt out,” said one former BioWare developer. “They were like, ‘We needed [Dragon Age: Inquisition] to fail in order for people to realize that this isn’t the right way to make games.’” Within the studio, there’s a term called “BioWare magic.” It’s a belief that no matter how rough a game’s production might be, things will always come together in the final months. The game will always coalesce. 'How BioWare's Anthem Went Wrong, Kotaku

This is the same company that fired 50 of their staff and gave them severance less than the industry standard - to the point where they had to sue to get what they deserved. Not to mention that these employees had NDA's that didn't allow them to show off their most recent work on Dreadwolf which would have hurt their ability to find new employment.

“In light of the numerous recent industry layoffs and the fact that BioWare’s NDAs prevent us from showing any of our recent work on Dragon Age: Dreadwolf in our portfolios, we are very concerned about the difficulty many of us will have finding work as the holiday season approaches,” said one of the employees in the press release. “We are struggling to understand why BioWare is shortchanging us in this challenging time.” Seven Former Bioware Employees Are Suing the Company For Better Severence, IGN

The same company that on Dragon Age Day '24, released the Hawke Armour, passing it off to their players as a 'thank you' while the individual who worked on it was fired the same day.

They don't treat their developers well. They don't value their creatives. They don't see the merits of providing their employees with the respect and work culture they deserve. They don't respect their customers, either.

I have a lot of issues with the marketing for DATV and how they tried to blindside their customer base about what was in the game. The biggest example being how vague they were about world states, considering how important that is too many returning players. That information was leaked - they intended for players to not learn this till the game was in their hands. There are a dozen other statements made in interviews from devs that are misleading, considering the game I played and what they said was in it. The company found this to be acceptable behavior and it is not - it is extremely anti-consumer.

I am not saying that every issue can be handwaved away as 'bioware's workculture' as being the cause either, but it certainly would not have helped. There are lots of valid criticisms made about decisions regarding the writing, the lore/story, characters, gameplay mechanics etc...These creative and design choices should be engaged with critically by both developers and fans so they can learn and adapt for the next time - we all want a good game. I cannot imagine it would be easy to hear criticism when you work in an environment that puts crunch on a pedestal - it's a lose lose situation for the devs and the fans. This company desperately needed transparency and to earn consumer trust back after everything that happened in the past ten years - pretending things are all good and fine, waving off criticism, only to have half your staff leave or be laid off does nothing to foster confidence in your studio. It only makes me think that you're likely hiding more bad news under what was already bad.

Also, way to reassure us that 'well, we may have let go of dozens of people but Mass Effect is still coming!'. An absolutely tasteless comment and one that should have been in a separate message and not the same one addressing your 'restructuring'.

"Today’s news will see BioWare become a more agile, focused studio that produces unforgettable RPGs. We appreciate your support as we build a new future for BioWare."

How about you shift to a studio that doesn't work its employees to the bone and throttle its creatives? How about you examine how your workplace culture led to an incredibly chaotic development cycle that led to so many of your talent leaving? What about addressing the concerns of fans of your games when we talk about our criticisms with the quality of work being put out?

EA is a dumpster-fire but BioWare only added fuel to the flames. I have a lot of hang ups with DATV, especially writing-wise, but it was an uphill battle from the start. Joplin, Morrison, Dreadwolf, Veilguard...this game floundered in development hell and hemorrhaged talent with every step due to mismanagement and poor decision-making. In a string of poor decisions, Veilguard was just the final domino that led to all these built up problems crashing down.

I wish the best for the developers and writers who find themselves without a job - I hope they find a studio that values their talents and creativity far more than BioWare did. Dragon Age remains a series dear to my heart and it always will be, and I'm extremely grateful for all the people who contributed to making it that way. It's just very sad that this series has to end with Veilguard and all this ugliness.

Now that Veilguard is out, this feels like he was trying to warn us.

[diekleinesuesse]

Being best friends with Bang Chan:

Being best friends with Bang Chan would be an experience like no other. He’s known for being one of the most caring, hardworking, and reliable people in the industry, and as his best friend, you’d get to see all the different sides of him the serious producer, the fun-loving goofball, and the deeply thoughtful and protective friend.

Late-Night Studio Hangouts

Bang Chan basically lives in the studio, so if you’re his best friend, expect to spend a lot of time there with him. He’d invite you over at odd hours, just to keep him company while he works on music. You’d sit on the couch, wrapped in a hoodie he lent you (probably one of his signature oversized ones), watching him get completely lost in his production. He’d play you snippets of unfinished songs, asking, “What do you think?” and actually valuing your opinion.

Sometimes, when he’s been working too hard and starts getting frustrated, you’d be the one to force him to take a break. “Chan, step away from the computer before I physically remove you,” you’d threaten, and he’d laugh but eventually listen. You’d end up walking around JYP’s practice rooms or grabbing late-night snacks from a convenience store, just talking about everything and nothing.

Endless Encouragement and Support

Bang Chan is known for how much he takes care of the people around him, and as his best friend, you’d get the full force of that. If you were struggling with something—whether it was work, school, or just life he’d be the first to notice. He’d check in on you constantly, sending texts like:

Chan: “Hey, just wanted to make sure you’re eating properly today.”

Chan: “You can do this. I believe in you.”

Chan: “If you need anything, I’m here, okay?”

He’d hype you up all the time, even over the smallest things. Got a new outfit? He’d be like, “LOOK AT YOU!! Fashion icon, let’s gooo!!” Did something even remotely impressive? “I knew you were talented, but wow. WOW.” And if you ever doubted yourself, he’d be there to remind you of your worth.

But it wouldn’t just be one-sided. He’s always giving to others, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, so you’d make sure to remind him to take care of himself too. “Chan, you need sleep, not just caffeine,” you’d say, physically dragging him away from his computer.

Deep Conversations at 3 AM

Bang Chan is the kind of person who can go from joking around to having deep, heartfelt conversations in an instant. As his best friend, you’d have so many of these moments sitting on the dorm’s rooftop, or in his studio, or even just walking around the city late at night.

You’d talk about dreams, fears, childhood memories, and everything in between. He’d open up to you about the pressures of being a leader, how much he worries about Stray Kids, and how sometimes he forgets to take care of himself because he’s so focused on everyone else.

And you’d be there to reassure him. “You don’t have to carry everything alone, you know,” you’d tell him, and he’d smile, grateful to have someone who truly understands.

Goofy Energy & Inside Jokes

Despite his responsible leader image, Bang Chan is actually a huge goofball, and as his best friend, you’d see that side of him all the time. He’d constantly tease you, throwing out random nicknames, making funny faces, and imitating your voice in the most exaggerated way possible.

You’d develop the weirdest inside jokes that no one else would understand. Just one look from him across the room, and you’d both burst into laughter while everyone else is confused.

And the TikToks? Oh, he’d 100% drag you into making dumb videos with him. One second, he’d be filming a dance challenge, and the next, he’d be dramatically lip-syncing to an emotional song while you record him, struggling not to laugh.

Protective Older Brother Energy

Even if you’re older than him, Bang Chan would absolutely take on the role of a protective older brother. If you ever went out together, he’d always walk on the side closest to the road, making sure you were safe. If someone made you uncomfortable, he’d be right there, standing between you and them, making it clear that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

And if you ever cried? Oh, he’d be devastated. He’d pull you into a tight hug (you know how he always goes “Big Hug” ? It’s exactly that), rubbing your back and whispering, “Hey, it’s okay. I got you.” He’d stay with you for as long as you needed, playing soft music and making dumb jokes just to get you to smile again.

Being Part of the Stray Kids Family

As Bang Chan’s best friend, you’d automatically become close with the rest of Stray Kids. They’d welcome you in like family, and you’d find yourself being included in everything from their chaotic group chats to their movie nights.

Felix would bake brownies for you. Han would try to steal you as his best friend (which would start fake dramatic arguments with Chan). Lee Know would pretend to be indifferent but secretly look out for you. Hyunjin would use you as a model for his art. Seungmin and I.N would roast you constantly, and Changbin would hype you up as much as Chan does.

The members would tease Chan whenever you were around. “Ohhh, it’s Chan’s best friend!” “Are you sure you’re not secretly dating?” “Do you like Chan more than us?” And Chan would just shake his head, exasperated.

Traveling & Adventures Together

Since Stray Kids tour all over the world, Bang Chan would always be inviting you along. If you ever traveled with them, he’d make sure you were taken care of constantly checking if you had enough water, reminding you to rest, and making sure you weren’t overwhelmed.

If you ever went on vacation together, it’d be pure chaos. He’d be the type to plan everything in detail but still end up getting lost. “I swear, the map said it was this way,” he’d say, while you just laugh and lead the way instead.

Unbreakable Friendship

At the end of the day, being best friends with Bang Chan would mean having someone who is always there for you someone who supports you, believes in you, and cares about you more than words can express. He’d be the friend who listens when you need to talk, makes you laugh when you’re feeling down, and reminds you every day that you’re not alone.

And no matter how busy life gets, no matter how far apart you are, he’d always find a way to check in. Even if it’s just a simple “Miss ya, bestie” text or a late-night call, you’d know that your friendship with Bang Chan is forever.

[kooktrash]

PSA TO POC LIVING IN THE U.S.A

you are most likely aware of the number of ICE raids that have been taking place across the country since Trump came to office. You have also heard their “agenda” of deporting violent criminals first but as you may or may not know, ICE has reportedly targeted work places, school and places of worship. Children are being ripped away from their parents. Parents from their children. sibling from sibling, I just want to make sure not only my Hispanic/latino community is staying safe but poc overall.

know your rights, I suggest carrying proof of U.S citizenship aside from driver’s license on your phone. If you aren’t a U.S citizen make sure to carry proof of visa, permit, residency status, etc. if you or someone know migrated from another country pls make sure to remain in the know on what’s going on in your city/state.

Even POC u.s citizens are being detained and profiled.

Like I said, know your rights, reach out for help, and if you are someone who would like to help look at what’s happening in your community and help those in need.

to my Latino U.S friends, we are hard working people and no one can ever tell us we aren’t. we’ve seen the struggle our family has gone through to give us a life they prayed for. we’ve been taught to be prideful for our roots and understand that we are stronger together than apart <3

if you’re interested in a good cry, watch this movie:

I watched it often as a child and it holds a deep meaning for me being a child of immigrants

there are many more amazing films and documentaries so pls watch

[okaysonny]

Pls can you write James Lee dating headcanons and Diego Kanga dating headcanons. Like they are same person but their personality and mannerism are completely different.

Also your write is very good it sticks to character perfectly and feels great to see a fellow Indian❤️

dating headcanons ╏ james lee + diego kang

a/n: yasss india mentioned 🇮🇳 james/dg...very difficult to grasp...he is kind of annoying ❤️ so these are very much HEADcanons. enjoy!

JAMES LEE

✦ highschool romance troupe obviouslyyy

✦ imagine this scenario: james always sees you studying in school...when everyone has left already. at first he doesn't care, but you're just always in there and he eventually asks what you're doing.

✦ as if you'd admit to james lee the prodigy that you're struggling with school 🤣 you have one sided beef with this man.

✦ surprise, surprise...you end up talking and an acquaintanceship forms.

✦ your relationship with james...it's not really a relationship. more of a situationship, tbh. just an unspoken pining that eventually develops.

✦ james is really angsty in terms of romance, imo. the only time you see each other is when you're there after school and he's come back from another rampage.

✦ i think he'd eventually tutor you, much to your annoyance. but the next day, you show james that you did well on the exam!! he'd play the nonchalant gimmick, but there's something warm settling in his chest.

✦ drops lollipops in your bag when you're not looking 😆 awww

✦ like i said...he's angsty as hell. imagine asking james what he wants to do after school, and he has an ANGSTY look because he'll be committing WAR CRIMES

✦ you bring up boring office jobs, but you figure james lee the prodigy would have a more exciting career anyways. but...he finds himself imagining a normal life, having a boring office job...maybe with you.

✦ for obvious reasons, he can't. james doesn't even entertain the thought.

✦ corny "he only feels this way around you" troupe 🤣😭 one day you decide to ruffle his hair and james suddenly feels like a normal high school kid.

✦ ANGSTY RELATIONSHIP -> ANGSTY ENDING. weather it be you not showing up anymore (after finding out he mutilates people!!) , orrr him not showing up, because he has a path laid out for him.

✦ it's tragic, because there was no intimacy at all!! no hand holding, no kissing, nothing! yet the late hours in the classroom all built up to something. for all his perfection, i'm not sure if james would realise what he's feeling.

✦ when he sees corporate employees laughing together after becoming diego kang, he still wonders what a boring office job would be like. with you.

DIEGO KANG

way more fun and light hearted, i promise!

✦ dg would absolutely nottt date a fan. if you know him, but don't really care about him, he'll be a bit more open to the idea. buttt, i think you'd have to somehow not know who he is to really pique dg's interest.

✦ don't get me wrong, it's not a "...i've never met someone who doesn't know diego kang 😳" type of thinking. he just doesn't want power imbalances in a relationship.

✦ with dg, very much opposites attract. i think he's drawn to bubbly and funny people.

✦ two words: 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏 🫦

✦ makes you aware the relationship has to be secret and all that shebang.

✦ i feel like dg's music only appeals to a...certain demographic (teenage girls) and he KNOWS that too. so if you give his tunes a listen and tell him: wow...this is shit, he'll find it oddly endearing. dg is surrounded by yes men, so he likes the honesty that his shitty songs are shitty.

✦ you already know the gifts + pampering would be out of this world 😮‍💨 it would be rude to not spoil you, considering the secrecy of your relationship + his constant absence.

✦ like i said before, for all his perfection, he doesn't really understand that sometimes you don't need an aplogy necklace for dg being away, you're just happy to see him again.

✦ late night motorcycle rides when he's feeling a little 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒔. alexa, play cool for the summer

✦ you make fun of him when he does cringe things for the fans lmfao...that was the first time diego kang felt humiliated.

✦ another CRACK in his perfect persona: i think dg can't make funny jokes. even when he was james lee he couldn't, but the cocky persona masked it. now that he's more calm + stoic, it's very apparent.

remember when dg acted like he was gonna use the USB as a bargaining chip against eugene, but then said: "i'm kidding 😜"

🤣😭 THIS WEIRDO! idk if it was a silent warning, but it's my headcanon that it wasn't - he just genuinely thought it was funny.

✦ imagine that troupe of you know...it wouldn't kill you to crack a joke every once in a while. and dg is surprised because he thinks he's a hoot. so he says a shit joke and you actually laugh because of how bad it is. but...dg thinks you're laughing because it was funny, and feels a sense of pride.

✦ he's defo the type to laugh at a crude comment from you and then quickly cough to act like it wasn't HILARIOUS.

✦ now that he's retired, i think dg would go public with your relationship. he's trying to break out of that kpop idol image + show that he's serious about you.

✦ anddd i think he'd tell you about james lee and gapryong once he's absolutely sure you won't leave him. (i don't mean that in a creepy way lmao)

✦ despite my disdain for this FREAK i'd feel very safe with him as my bf ☺️ always arranges a body guard to accompany you if he's not there. but the most comforting thing is his hugs. i think dg gives the best hugs...and he doesn't even realise :')

✦ with you, diego feels free, yet bound in the best way possible.

divider: @thecutestgrotto

[lorddeathofmurdermountain]

Once again I am blessed by my Slav status to be able to understand what OP means exactly, linguistically and culturally.

I'm not too sure about everyone in Croatia - what with there being three different main dialects PLUS the "official" dialect and a plethora of local ones - but there is a similar saying used in my home.

When asked something along the lines of "How's it going?" a common response might be "Da je bolje, nebi valjalo." If I wanted to translate it I'd probably struggle a whole of a fucking lot because bolje means better but ne bi valjalo means wouldn't be good so when examined logically it doesn't make sense - "If it were better, it wouldn't be good."

In practice, it's kind of like you know it won't be better, can't be better, so you tell yourself you can do without it by pretending you don't need it. Basically telling yourself that you're fine with where you're at, and even if you're not, you can handle it. It's typically a response you get from someone who's DEEP in the shitter but doesn't wanna bother anyone with their problems.

A more fun response to "Kak si?" (How are you?) is "Ko spotrti taksi" (like a broken taxi) with a possible addition of "v Zagrebu na praksi" (in Zagreb [the capital] on practice). It's still telling someone that shit's fucked, but at least you're fine enough to make silly rhymes.

One of the biggest issues of moving to England as a person who is Ukrainian AND neurodivergent is not knowing how to answer the small talk question of "how are you", but today I was reminded that Ukrainian blessed me with the phrase that roughly translates as "living is hard but dying would be a pity" and can we please naturalise it so I can use it all day every day

[causticsodaa]

Umemiya and his self-blaming tendencies

It’s a subtle thing, but details like this are what I absolutely love about Wind Breaker.

From the get-go, we see that Umemiya struggled immensely with his [suppressed] grief as well as self-esteem as a child. After the accident with his parents, he internalizes the fact that he is a murderer and he [indirectly] killed his parents and unborn sibling—all because they had saved him. Ergo, Ume blames himself for being selfish and doesn’t even allow himself to grieve for his parents.

He externalized his self hatred when he was younger: not eating properly, pushing people away, declaring himself a murderer, and even trying to kill himself by provoking some thugs to beat him to death (before his savior stepped in).

He repeats the phrase “It’s my fault” over and over again, before ending with a “because I was selfish”. Ume genuinely, wholeheartedly believed that he was responsible for letting the ones he loved die instead of the literal truck that killed them—all because he wanted to look at some toys like any normal, curious child—and that he is the one who needed to repent for the atrocity.

I’m going to put this in perspective: do you understand how messed up it is for someone at his age (or at any age, really—though with how young he was, it’s seriously heartbreaking) to be this suicidal? Coupled with the immense grief of losing his parents and sibling at 9 years old, it’s no wonder Ume was at his wits end.

But his savior, being the strange instigator he is, decides to tell this to kid Ume:

This is obviously a terrible thing to say, especially to a child who’s suicidal, but it’s the final push that Umemiya needs to properly go through with it.

When he attempts to take his life, he once again convinces himself that he doesn’t deserve to live, and that he needs to pay for what he had done.

However, despite the suicidal bravado he displayed earlier, Ume feels scared. Subconsciously, he doesn’t want to truly die (though he hasn’t realized this yet), given that his hand shakes with fear. It’s the onset of his self-doubt; but Ume decides to suppress these feelings once more, believing that he doesn’t deserve to even feel scared. Instead, he deserves to die and be punished for his wrongdoings.

He apologizes to his family one last time, but he suddenly remembers his parents (who were drawn with no facial features in Ume’s memories) faces.

They were smiling.

Ume realizes this too late, and regrets the first step he takes off the ledge.

Thankfully, his savior was there to well—save him in the nick of time.

This action may seem counterintuitive given his words to Umemiya prior, but I speculate that he followed him to the building and waited to actually stop Ume. In actuality, he makes Ume realize himself that he doesn’t deserve to die and lets him teeter at the edge of death to really hammer it in.

This is proven by the pep-talk he gives kid Ume after rescuing him:

After hearing his savior’s words, the last thing Ume thinks of are his parents before he passes out. He’s letting himself realize that it wasn’t his fault, since his parents were smiling to the very end. Maybe his parents didn’t hate Umemiya for letting them get killed, after all.

And Shitara tells Ume this quite bluntly, too. He doesn’t sugarcoat his words, and tells it as it is; Umemiya’s parents have always loved him.

These words, alongside the events with his savior, makes Umemiya realize that it wasn’t his fault in the end.

But Ume still doubts himself. So he asks Shitara one last thing.

And Yuki Shitara replies with a simple:

And it’s the last push that makes Ume forgive himself.

After the events of these chapters, Umemiya seems to be recovering well, and makes a vow to protect the ones he loves.

However, there’s a catch: Umemiya says that he won’t fail again. Subconsciously, he still feels responsible for everything, despite his saviors and Shitara’s words, as well as his own feelings.

Which brings us back to Umemiya and Takiishi’s fight in Noroshi.

Instead of trying to put everything on Takiishi, he instead blames himself for letting Noroshi wage war on Furin. Since he never truly got to understand Chika during their first year, this means it was his own shortcoming, right?

But just like his childhood days, Umemiya is wrong. It’s not his fault (it’s literally Chika and Endo’s LOL). Yet, his old guilt complex comes into play here. Even though Ume has recovered mentally since his family’s death, old habits die hard.

What’s interesting to me is how this panel was written in the original Japanese version:

Ume refers to himself as オレ (ore, meaning I), but the furinaga beside it reads てめ (teme, meaning you but said in a derogatory way). If you don’t know what furinaga is, this explains it better than I can.

In manga, furinaga can also utilized as a double meaning for certain words as a stylistic choice. (Unfortunately it doesn’t translate well in English or other languages :C) In this specific panel, “I” here can be read as “you” derogatorily). Given that Ume is blaming himself, he also refers to himself in a much more worse light, further emphasizing the guilt he feels.

However, this wasn’t the only thing that has stayed from his childhood days. His entire philosophy about food stems from his past experiences and even the advice he gives to Choji during Shishitoren is reminiscent of what his savior had told him. It’s pretty cool how even after all his growth, Umemiya’s grief still affects him to this day.

[deadflowerssociety]

*ੈ✩‧₊༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ✩‧₊༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊ *ੈ✩‧₊༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."–Aristotle

Until you find yourself you will always be someone else🫐🐇

Self discovery is a very hard and confusing process. We all tend to look for it, but it’s a slowly paced journey. Asking questions can help us understand ourselves better and it might help understand what we want and who we are (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

Ask yourself questions🫐

I want to be a part of your journey to self discover and self love. Try asking yourself those questions and save them for your future self.

1. How would you describe yourself in five words?

2. Do you consider yourself a positive person?

3. What is one thing that is going really well in your life right now?

4. What is one thing that really needs your attention?

5. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

6. What makes you anxious?

7. What makes you happy?

8. What makes you angry?

9. What are you passionate about?

10. How do you talk to yourself?

11. What has been bringing you joy lately?

12. Do you feel overwhelmed a lot?

13. Do you consider yourself generally optimistic or pessimistic?

14. Do you consider yourself introverted or extroverted? Do you wish you were more of one or the other?

15. What are your biggest daily distractions?

16. What are you excited about each day when you wake up?

17. Who is your biggest fan?

18. What makes you laugh out loud?

19. Are you indecisive or are you certain with your decisions?

20. Do you feel like you spend a lot of time overthinking?

21. Do you have a lot of regrets?

22. How much time do you spend per day on social media?

Do you see this as restful time or wasted time?

23. When do you feel like you are most "in your element"?

24. How much do you value other people's opinions?

25. What is the first thing you notice about other people?

26. What irritates you?

27. Do you consider yourself brave? Why?

28. Someone just handed you a million dollars.what are you going to do with it?

29. What piece of advice would you give to 16 year old you?

30. Who are the most important people in your life?

31. What is your biggest worry?

32. What keeps you grounded?

33. Are you good at planning or do you typically "fly by the seat of your pants"?

34. When you look in the mirror, what do you say to yourself?

35. How would you describe your childhood?

36. What are your top priorities right now?

37. Would you consider yourself a people pleaser?

38. What is the number one thing you do when you're upset?

39. In five years, what do you want to be able to say you've accomplished?

40. What are your biggest stressors right now?

41. What is holding you back from achieving your goals right now?

42. What is one thing you never get tired talking about?

43. What makes you feel peaceful and content?

44. How do you practice self care?

45. What is one thing you wish more people knew about you?

46. What is your relationship with money? Do you consider yourself frugal? Good with a budget? An overspender?

47. What keeps you up at night?

48. Who do you go to for advice?

49. What is one thing you've always wanted to do? Why haven't you done it?

50. Do you consider yourself a productive person?

51.Where is your favorite place to be?

52. What is your biggest dream?

53. Describe your ideal day.

54. Do you consider yourself confident? Resilient? Passionate?

55. How do you define success? What do you need to do to consider yourself successful?

56. What calms you down when you're angry?

57. What is one thing you need to forgive yourself for?

58. Who do you talk to when you're struggling?

59. What are you grateful for?

60. What is one bad habit you'd like to eliminate?

61. Is there anyone you need to apologize to?

62. What is your dream job?

63. What offends you?

64. What is the last lie you told?

65. Do you consider yourself laid back or wound tight?

66. Did you make someone smile today? Laugh? Cry?

67. Who is the kindest person you know?

68. What are the top three things on your bucket list?

69. If you could hire a coach right now, what would it be for?

70. What do people always come to you for? Advice? A listening ear? Fun night out? A favor?

71. What do you need to heal from? How are you making that healing happen?

72. Where do you spend most of your time? How could you make that environment better?

73. When you die, what do you want people to remember about you?

74. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?

75. What does unconditional love mean to you?

76. What is one thing you absolutely cannot live without?

77. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

78. Name the five people you spend the most time with. Now describe them. Do you consider them to be positive influences?

79. How is "public you" different than "private you?

80. What are you dreading?

81. What motivates you?

82. How do you handle conflict?

83. What is your biggest pet peeve?

84. What inspires you?

85. Are you a jealous person?

86. What have you given up on?

87. Name three things you love about your life.

88. What are your favorite activities?

89. What are your first thoughts when you wake up?

90. Describe one moment in life you'll never forget.

91. Are you living life on your own terms? Or trying to live up to others expectations?

92. What quality do you admire most in others?

93. What drains your energy?

94. Who do you trust most in your life?

95. What is something you avoid like the plague?

96. How do you handle change?

97. What do you need to let go of?

98. How connected to your friends, family, community do you feel?

99. How balanced do you consider your work/home life?

100. Overall, do you consider yourself happy?

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · · · · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · · · · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · · · · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

🫐🐇100 questions might seem like a lot of work and struggle, but it really does help to know how you can improve and grow as a human being.

xoxo,

deadflowerssociety🪷

I really appreciate reblogs🐇🤍

[specialmouse]

Not going to lie.. I’m someone who was diagnosed with adhd at 5 years old and immediately put on Ritalin. I’ve been off and on ADHD meds my entire life. My grades still suffered. I was visibly and audibly mentally ill in school: unwashed, not brushing my teeth, picking my skin and scalp during class, and talked about my struggles rather openly on top of all of that. When I started getting Fs despite being a high performer in class, not one single teacher gave a shit. They were incredibly uncomfortable. When mental illness/disability was not only staring them right in the face, but telling them, I AM MENTALLY ILL AND I NEED YOUR HELP, they just turned away and pretended not to hear.

Something I wish people who were diagnosed with ADHD as older teens/adults would understand is that even if you have the therapy and the meds and everything else, if it doesn’t work then people care even LESS. And when you talk about it, and link your clear symptoms to it, they get disgusted. Like it’s not better or easier to be diagnosed. Especially if you have even less socially acceptable comorbidities (OCD, autism, PTSD, bipolar, Tourette’s, BPD, DID etc).

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/773535634626379776/is-het-people-placing-moral-weight-on-attraction?source=share

This makes a very depthful problem seem easy to resolve. I'm an autistic person, and I've got a lot less compared to others, filter and all, and the thing about "finding someone who you don't need to hide anything from" is that this feels impossible because people are deeply ashamed of themselves—this is why any community of "freaks" will often feel safer, because they aren't so repressed, thus they hide less and express more, and later in my life, as I began to understand that the cost of hiding myself away was far too much, I stopped. I burnt out, and this has been... detrimental.

I think it doesn't matter if you're het, homo, neurodivergent or typical. Labels don't matter. Nothing does. We're not seperated by much in essence, even if we're different in many other ways. It's just that the idea of "good personhood" or "moral uprightness" is so often associated with being small, and a lot of weirdos will, eventually, understand the harm of that and stop, or otherwise be forced to if it takes them significant energy they no longer have (hello!), but it's hard.

It's difficult! It's not easy! Especially when your identity feels like, or in some cases is, a crime. It's because shame is enforced and engrained. It is hard to be yourself when your "self" is constantly denied. People are constantly shouting, or crying inside, wanting things, but when facing denial or being refused consistently, you'll learn how to be helpless, or more extremely, have your power stripped from you—because we don't want to be alone. We don't feel complete alone, but we feel alone around others, so we try to make up for it assuming our lack, but we aren't lacking, and I think it's important to focus on yourself, fulfill yourself. It's just that this is also so often used as a weapon.

When you're confident, or trying to be, people will try to trip you up or feel intimidated and try to lessen your sense of worth, that if they don't have it, no one can.

I mean, I know the whole thing about self-love is sort of cliche, but I really think that, by some measure, it's true. You have to love yourself to love others, in a sense, and not that you don't deserve it anyway, but that... loving is knowing, understanding, seeing clearly, it is respect and kindness and acceptance, even at your worst, and when you fail to do that for yourself—though it's fine to slip—when you can't even try, or you don't want to, I feel like... how can you make effort for someone else that you won't do for yourself? If you can't feed yourself, then you'll struggle to feed someone else.

You need to know things, and most people are too scared to even want, to look inward, to be curious, anything, all because of potential risk—which is going to happen in a real relationship. These things aren't avoidable just because they're ugly to you. They're hard to look at, yes, but no less real. And no real relationship can blossom without understanding, or in ignorance.

I don't think love is a walk in the park, but it should always stay, even through disagreement, and people can't even... have internal discord without coming to hate themselves for their contrasts and faults. But you have to. To forgive yourself, too.

It's out of your hands, in a way, what is done is done, it is what it is, and at one point I would have hated that, because I didn't want it to be, but if you want to control yourself, that eventually spills out, and if you're so focused on image, you... it feels impossible to have a deep connection when you can only look at the surface. There's no connection, and any requests for that are met with denial. So I truly think you have to work from within before you can work from without, as someone who has been. And this isolates you. It makes you strange, or unveils your strangeness, and people don't like that.

They don't like it because they don't understand, and refuse to try to get familiar out of fear for "what it means", because they can't control it, but it makes no difference because what's true still is, even if you spend your whole life looking away from it.

Literally anyone, anywhere, no matter who they are, that could apply to them. It's not a heterosexual issue. It's a human issue. People don't listen to people. People don't hear people out. And I get that, sometimes. But I don't know. People who are unsupported are more likely to lose that and needlessly go on chasing senseless things trying to make up for "missing pieces", but you're— you know, we're... whole people on our own, and we do deserve to have things.

It's just that queer people might be more likely to understand how much of a distraction that is by nature of being queer. They maybe can't afford to, but het people, by contrast, neurotypical people, anyone more privileged for any reason, may be less likely to notice these things because they grow up in or around certain structures that obscure them! When you exist inside of a system, it's harder to see the structure of it, and if you believe that something keeps you safe, then you'll hesitate to want to tear it down, but anything that promises to keep you safe is a lie—it's already hurting you.

We really just need to be more selfish and focus on our own satisfaction, what pleases us beyond simple engagement, because it isn't... any of this. I really think we already have those qualities, but if we could just see them elsewhere, then maybe...? I feel like I've been lucky with media and stuff, actually, but... well, even that's not easy. It's all isolating, and we all need to get more comfortable with being alone if it means we just get to be. You need to be yourself before you can love someone else. If we're too afraid of that, it's... well. Dreadful.

From experience.

It's just fear, though. And you shouldn't lose it entirely, but you can push past it. Unfortunately, uh, a lot of people don't try. You can lead a horse to water and all, but you can't make it drink, y'know? That's been what het relationships are like. You can't fix anyone, change them. They need to be able to help themselves. You are your own savior.

This is long. Apologies. I have many feelings from living a life. I don't know. I did also try, myself, to smooth things over, but it's just not worth it, and I think all the ideas around this stuff make that worse, because they say it is, though, and if you just try— and sometimes the harm is more in the trying, not the failing. Because failure isn't necessarily personal or signifying any "wrongness" in you. It just is. The blame, everything, it makes it all so much harder! Because blame and responsibility go hand in hand, when things fail, it implies that you have made some grand mistake, but that happens, too. You mess up, you fail, you learn, and eventually, you win. It all happens and it can't necessarily be avoided, but it's fine if we as people can work on it together!

--

[ricky-mortis]

Richie doodles bc my two current WIPs are actively trying to murder me dead.

Feat. my trans + hard of hearing HCs

[nevermeyers]

I find it very realistic that Megumi wants to try to live for someone else again instead of for himself directly. I mean it. It will take him a long time to recover from what he has suffered, which was too much for a child (because he is still a child!!). At first I thought Megumi was going to pick himself up, but looking at it from another perspective and analyzing my own experience with mental health: it makes sense. Megumi needs help. And he will get it. Yuuji and his friends will teach him to live for himself. The ending of Megumi's character is a new beginning, unlike the others.

Btw, did y'all notice his scars are Sukuna's? The way i'd kms on the spot, poor boy :( he's going to live with the curse of remembering every time he looks on the mirror

[libra-stellium]

Finally done with this transit!! omfgggg tired is an understatement! I'm already sad for 59yr old me who's gonna have to live through this again lmao but anyway let's see how it was from December to January!

Notes from Saturn in Transit - Erin Sullivan

Saturn over the ascendant can be experienced as an extremely dramatic shift from "who you used to be" to "who you will be" but with a rather traumatic period of uncertainty while the no longer useful persona is sloughed off

The uncertainty is insane right now! Personally and professionally lmao like I actually have no idea if my job is going to affected yet by the new admin and no one knows anything at work so we're just waiting??? and personally I feel like I've been feeling more and more different from the people around me and it's sad! And at the same time I feel like I've been more open about things lol

The thresholding that is experienced during this time can be a shock to someone who has strongly identified with or has been identified with a particular and definite image

Real af lol I feel like i'm just trying out new personalities low key because sometimes I feel like I'm being fake and I have to retreat by myself and be like oh okay I wasn't it's all good lol

Understanding this necessary loss of personal identification greatly reduces stress and allows a more conscious transition into the new self image. The struggle is all about coming to terms with unconscious material in the conscious mind and vice versa

I started being able to remember my dreams again and actually being able to write them down! Even my prophetic dreams are starting to come back so it'll be interesting to see how more unconscious things manifest.

Symbolic of a descent into oneself

Descent into madness for SURE!! I also journaled in my physical journal once in the last two months lol it felt like anything I could write about was just too much to get into when I finally got some time to myself lol

Notes from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

You will try to eliminate everything in your life that is not necessary to fulfilling responsibilities

This was way more a struggle this time around! I feel like the things won against me and my responsibilities lol I haven't done laundry since Dec! Well I've just been doing underwear and a few things I want to wear asap instead of everything which is 3 hampers....

You will become more complex and simpler at the same time

I feel like I have done a lot more that was just me following my excitement but to others doesn't really make sense bc they're not connected lol but to me they're all the same!

You are finishing up tasks going into a 5-8 year period of relatively quiet preparation for a new beginning

Low key been feeling like everything is ending but I have no idea what's next for me!

You may have less freedom of movement than usual because of the pressure of circumstances and the need to get things done

This omfg I had to go into the office so much more than usual to do assistant work bc the people that do that work were out or had whatever wrong so I was next in line I guess?

You may have to exert more effort at work in order to get the job done

Fr! I was literally redoing other people's work that they did wrong and I wanted to rip my hair out! This intern that's currently in law school was helping me make witness binders and he couldn't even hole punch...I'm not even exaggerating the holes were half circles and the paper was ripped.

Your superiors may give you even more responsibility than you would choose to have

On Jan 10 the last day this transit was exact I had to basically walk the document manager through printing while I was at home... then i had to show her how to print a shipping label like it was too much and then she still didn't finish on time and missed the fedex pickup like it was so crazy I had to talk to the managing attorney the following Monday and he thought I was gonna quit lol

Do not start out on a completely new project because in a few years you may find that you do not have the material or psychological resources to complete it

Haven't started any projects like that lol or at least none that would be relevant in a few years!

Good relationships will not suffer but bad ones will break up completely

Didn't have any bad relationship things happening.

You are withdrawing from everything in your life that is in the way of your development during the next few years

Been saying no way more!!

Avoid building a wall between yourself and others because they are important to you now that you are excluding those who do not belong

Been making it a point to be more open!

This is a productive time

Very! I finally finished my 3000 piece puzzle I started Jan 2024 lol

Follow through on the tasks that need to be done and get your life in shape for the next phase of preparation

..... Fine! I'll do my laundry tomorrow lol it's the only thing I've been slacking on!

Saturn conjunct Ascendant

As a 14 degree Pisces rising this was March 12, 2024 to May 8, 2024.

"Bitch wtf is going on????" - me the entire 57 days and it's coming back around in early 2025

Notes from Saturn in Transit - Erin Sullivan

Saturn over the ascendant can be experienced as an extremely dramatic shift from "who you used to be" to "who you will be" but with a rather traumatic period of uncertainty while the no longer useful persona is sloughed off

It’s been a weird timeeeeeee like there’s some things i'm like so excited about that are a “new me” and then there’s some other stuff I’m like 💀💀💀 about and I’m gonna pretend like nothing is happening for a while longer bc this feels like too much change at once 🥲 maybe in 2025 lol my mind has been going nonstop!

The thresholding that is experienced during this time can be a shock to someone who has strongly identified with or has been identified with a particular and definite image

lol I literally introduced myself as an astrologer to someone the other day bc they mentioned astro and me being an attorney never came up and it honestly felt nice 😩 yeah my entire schooling revolved around becoming an attorney but like it doesn’t "feel" like I succeeded at it lmfao and I’m honestly not putting a lot of effort into making it feel like success either so 🙃

Understanding this necessary loss of personal identification greatly reduces stress and allows a more conscious transition into the new self image. The struggle is all about coming to terms with unconscious material in the conscious mind and vice versa

I think so much is happening in my unconscious mind bc I usually remember most of my dreams in complete detail and the last two weeks at least I know I’ve had very longgg detailed dreams but when I wake up I can’t remember it in the part of my brain that can say it into words lol I feel like I’m missing out on messages!

Saturn brings to the ascendant all the manifest experiences and control issues that have dominated the last 14 year extraverted cycle during which the individual learned how to be present and accountable in the conscious world or accomplishments, deeds, and collective goals

"I'm giving myself goals because I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not accomplishing anything." - Me in 2021 a year after getting my law degree lol I feel like it encompasses this whole thing! During this transit I wrote a list of personal goals and they're not outward things like graduation they're more like be consistent with skin care lol the other day I told my aunt I just relaxed and I didn't do anything and she was like if you're so boring why don't you go on a walk and i was like??? I didn't say that?? lol made me not want to say anything else!!

Symbolic of a descent into oneself

When I first read this I was like oooh seems zen 🧘🏾‍♀️ IT WAS NOT ZEN IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES!! It feels like too much pressure to know and be like "this is who I am" i just want to be a pisces rising whose personality changes whenever

Notes from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

You will try to eliminate everything in your life that is not necessary to fulfilling responsibilities

I didn’t do many things just for fun during this time everything had a purpose. I did finish reading two books unfinished from last year and it was in an attempt to spend less time watching videos which worked!

You will become more complex and simpler at the same time

Idkkkk I’m not sure I understand what this even means

You are finishing up tasks going into a 5-8 year period of relatively quiet preparation for a new beginning

I feel like I’ll see this more in 2025 bc right now I don’t really have anything started that needed to be finished lol

You may have less freedom of movement than usual because of the pressure of circumstances and the need to get things done

A week into this I made happy hour plans and I was going to leave work extra early bc I had nothing to do and I got an assignment literally 2 hours before I was going to go! I did finish in 2 hours and went to HH but it was stressful lol

You may have to exert more effort at work in order to get the job done

For real the last month I actually had so much more work at work than usual I was working a full 8 hour day sometimes 😭 usually I have like maybe 8 hours of work a week!

Your superiors may give you even more responsibility than you would choose to have

Facts! The last few days I’ve been essentially training this girl at work and the last day of this transit I finished lol seemed fitting

Do not start out on a completely new project because in a few years you may find that you do not have the material or psychological resources to complete it

This makes me feel like it should be about something big 😂 I have not started any projects lol I did apply to a few jobs but none of them even responded to reject me so that was also unintentionally not started

Good relationships will not suffer but bad ones will break up completely

I feel like Saturn in aqua in my 12H took care of most of the bad relationships already lol so this was fine

You are withdrawing from everything in your life that is in the way of your development during the next few years

Yeah I’ve been more annoyed than usual at people around me who are making the choice to struggle just bc they don’t want to try something new 😩 it’s been making me feel like I can’t be as close to them like it’s contagious 😂

Avoid building a wall between yourself and others because they are important to you now that you are excluding those who do not belong

Yes I’ve been making it a point to actually say yes to events lol but it's hard to keep in contact with people for some reason! I forget to or think that less time has passed and then I check messages and it's been weeks!

This is a productive time

I did get a lot done! I cooked a lot of meals, I washed all my bedding that’s been sitting there since end of last year, I cleaned my fish tank, I cleaned the mildew off my bathroom walls, I put a lot of my clothes away, my recycling pile is way down, I built a storage shelf thing for under my desk, I sewed a skirt, I read and wrote a lot

Follow through on the tasks that need to be done and get your life in shape for the next phase of preparation

I’ve been intentional about this! I made a list of things I want to get out of my saturn return in my 1H and one of those things is clear skin so I’ve been consistent with the routine like actually tracking it on the calendar! Losing weight was another on that list and the last two months I was just focusing on food like getting back into cooking and the last almost 3 weeks I’ve been tracking all my food and even using a food scale. On the last day of this transit I signed up for the gym!

Overall I would give this transit 6/10 😂 the mental anguish was toooo much Omggg I hope it’s easier in 2025 and after that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this for another 30 years