#I need her so bad you dont even understand
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Part 17 Lucys-hdg-story
I wake up in a cocoon of vines. I feel safe and relaxed and decide to fall asleep again.
****************************
"Time to wake up little one."
"Njjjooo more cuddles", I mumble.
"Alrigth you can cuddle a bit more"
I didn't expect is her to just stand up wiith me inside her. That'll do I guess. We move put I can't see anything from inside her.
"Good morning my little Ellie, sleept well?"
"Good moring Mistress. It was alright, but Lucy wasn't there to cuddle"
I feel a pang of guilt and pull on a vine to tell Misstre Miss Duralis to let me go. The cocoon opens and I am lifted out.
"I'm sorry I - don't know what to say. I... I ehm sorry for leaving you.", I embrace Ellie in a tight hug.
"That's relly cute of you thanks, but you definitely needed the core cuddles. But you do seem surprisingly lucid."
"After a while I moved some leaves between her and my core, otherwise I don't think she would be thinking right now"
"Your core? sorry I didn't mean to go up your privates. I thought is was a big stem or something like that."
"Oh my little kitten, you and Ellie both have a very special place inside me. That includes my core"
"I .. ehm", don't know how to process that," Soooooooo breakfast? Cereal please", I distract. An eeep escapes my mouth as we are picked up on deposited at the table. Cereal is placed in front of me and I just stare at it.
"Can't eat yourself anymore? Do I need to feed you?"
"No- no need to, I was just lost in thought."
I take a spoon full and then begin to stare at it again. Not really at it more like into the nothingness behind it.
*tap* yeah cereal is good
*tap* I chew, wait - oh. I blush again and look at them dumbfumbled.
"I can-" *tap* *tap* "-feed myself"
"Well you were struggling so I'm helping you"
*tap* *tap*
"I was just-" *tap* *tap* "-lost in thought!"
"Sure cutie♡"
"Could you-" *tap* *tap* "-stop?"
"Well petal"
*tap* *tap*
"We're finished anyways", Misstr Miss Duralis smirks,"Your are a natural at receiving commands. Makes me think you want this"
"No! Why should want this. This is humiliating. I can feed myself. I can-" *prick*
"-meow mreow. miauw meow mauw. meowe mrrp mreeoowwwww", I cross my arms and - get petted. I turn away from them and still get petted.
"Is my kitty angyy, awwww", Ellie kisses me.
"skeeecchhhh", I hiss at her. Water is sprayed in my face.
"Bad kitten, we dont attack florets"
"meowwwww", I shake the water of my face and hop of the table. Well I hop of and then get gently lowered to the floor.
"What did I tell you kitten"
"Meow miau", I pout.
Ellie can barley contain her laughing. I walk over to the compiler and hope it can understand catspeak.
"mrrp meow mreau, meoww?"
"Coming up kitten", the hab chirps. Atleast the hab can still understand me.
I grab the cardboard box and lift it over me before I settle down underneath it and sulk. Great they're aawwwing me again. Even worse Ellie is full on laughing at me.
After I while my box is lifted with me inside it, flipped over and closed, tumbling me around. I get carried away.
I poke out to see where I am and spot a plushy. I lift the box grab it and hide again.
"awwww"
"so absolutely adorable, hab please tag this recording"
"Recording tagged, Miss Duralis"
"Thank you"
"grrrrrrrowoworrrr"
"Even cuter"
My pad is slid into my box and I happily accept the distraction it provides. Until Ellie texts me.
Elnolongerlonely: Hey I hope you come out soon. I'm really sorry. I miss you.
Cuddlekitten: Heyi, maybe dunno. Maybe never.
Elnolongerlonely: I won't survive that.
Cuddlekitten: Im sure miss Duralis won't let you die. Also why are our usernames different.
Elnolongerlonely: I think mistress changed them. Can I atleast join you in the box.
Cuddlekitten: fine if you have to
Elnolongerlonely: Yayyyyy, I'll be there in a sec.
The box shuffles a bit an Ellie joins me.
"Hi cutie", she giggles
"miau meow"
"Oh, oops forgot about that. You dont need it to cuddle anyway"
"moewe"
"You'll be fine", and she cuddles me. It actually helps me calm dawn and I feel my self doze of.
-Yes Lucy sleeps alot, that's her way of processing things. Also it's an easy way to start and end a chapter. Call me lazy.
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/46fca5282ee12918e5eaf589a96bcbc0/fdfc0bc4f2f33e84-12/s540x810/98187a5751d3e54036a749ed2a213183118ec219.jpg)
she is so princess coded im sorry fight me on this
#i think i have the babiest of heart attacks whenever i see this picture#shes.... GOD........#i need her SO BAD YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND#shakes her bug in jar style#like.. the eyeliner. her cute bangs#shut up shut up shut up shut up shu#silver talks#mia trezoro 🍊
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Arlecchino doodle schmoodle (PLEASE COME HOME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE
#genshin impact#artists on tumblr#arlecchino#GIRL I LOST TO DILUC THE FIRST DAY SHE DROPPED I HATE HIM#HE LITERALLY COULD NEVER#I need her so bad you dont even understand#she could kill me and i'd actually die from happiness instead#All ive gotten is a freaking diluc and a C4 freminet IM ON ME KNEESSS PLEASE COME HOME#IDK HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN FARM PRIMOS OUT OF THE NEW FONTAINE AREA DAWG
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just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.
I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?
i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...
#snap chats#thats why we have tag rambles AHAHA#ok so to tackle things one at a time charles ultimately deciding to stay in space despite his expressed want to return to earth#obviously it was when lilandra pointed out if her sister took charge of the shi'ar then the universe- earth included- would be in peril#charles notes his position as a losing one: whichever choice he makes he loses#he goes to earth then the universe could be at stake/he stays in space he loses his kids#of course charles COULD just put his faith in the starjammers but is that a risk he wants to take ? evidently not#charles' reoccurring flaw is he's willing to sacrifice personal relationships for the greater perceived good#even lilandra acknowledges this- that charles' homesickness for earth was an inevitability just as she is indebted to protecting the stars#so now his ruptured relationship with illyana and co- esp right after comforting a split illyana last issue#we've seen charles act more coldly/rashly when he's about to lose people (i think of his first death with the og5 mostly)#i mean it's a key part to charles' chara that he doesn't favor mind controlling others and im sure he has the same regard for his students#he's aware of the damage it can do and in this instance- for one reason or another- he orders it to be done regardless#im sure he does this as a form of defense: if his kids are upset with him they won't feel too bad about losing him and it'll be less painfu#obviously we still see sam wish charles farewell and wish for him to come back soon but yk.. worthy attempt..#and it's not as if charles wants them to hate him ENTIRELY.. he's still touched by sam's goodbye no.... fickle man he is..#i dont think charles is totally afraid to confront the og5- its what made him want to return to earth with the nms initially#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?#who's to say... not me i dont got that psych degree yet..#erik being charles' trusted confidant definitely made his decision easier on top of that: i mean is he needed if he has a substitute#i think charles DOES wholly trust erik: charles really doesnt approach his x-men half heartedly. from his pov ofc#if he didn't genuinely believe in erik's potential he wouldn't have picked him; hes a comforting thought when charles decides to depart#'although i'm gone erik understands me and my goals enough to continue my work as good as i would have so i have nothing to worry about'#which. yk. makes the whole White King thing kinda awkward VJAELVJEAKL charles you fool#i have no idea how this saga ends though... tbh im only on ish 45 of NM i just read 50 and 51 to get context for this ask#so i can only wait and see how this saga turns out... once i finish reading house of m/secret invasion stuff jvLKEJKA#idk im tired and rambling dont pay attention to me.. ramblin bout charles' brain is a good day for me regardless if i make sense jVLAJ
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forever amazed and confused at how often transformers franchise just straight up depicts suicide attempts. like not even considering the superhero trope of "i have to save everyone!!! by choosing to die!!!!!" thing. like. non-allow-yourself-to-die-to-stop-a-thing-from-killing-everyone-immediately type situations. which tbh i wish more ppl talked about but not the point here
like. sure mtmte, a comic abt mentall illness and war, i expected it to be aware of the concept. but its not handled well and mostly used for shock value or "im better now i swear! i have a husband and everything" BUT ITS IN THE KIDS SHOWS TOO??? MY BESTIE G1 RODIMUS?? BEAST WARS DINOBOT???
#my pupils dilating so wide when that one beast wars episode opened on dinobot reciting shakespeare and then pointing a sword at his chest#also im mean i think only beast wars was successful at trying to be like 'but you Have to Live.'#i love them both dearly but g1 does not love me and mtmte does not love me. do u understand#mtmte being like 'you just have to meet someone to live for!!!' -> doesnt work even in canon ->#-> 'nono im still right you just have to meet someone to live for!!!'#but im fond of g1 just showing a guy whos told to die go 'yknow what yeah ok'. and then gets revived but god thats so fucking funny#psychological drama where rodimus doesnt get found on time and now the autobots have lost two leaders and my girl haunts the narrative#suicide tw#suicide ment#dummy posts#srry im still thinking abt mtmte. cd being like. i dont want to kill myself bc of my spouse. my spouse is dead but#i dont want to kill myself. ok my spouse is back time to kill myself so he can be happy with someone else.#ok no killing myself my spouse said no.#everyday tho im upset abt my babygirl red alert. mental illness woman used for jokes shock value rodimus angst then tossed tf out only to#come back 'better' but then BAM 'evil influence mind control by evil villain'. but shes polygamous now i guess thats going for her#sorry um. red alert isnt canonically a woman im just weird abt her. shes a mentally ill butch woman to me i need to hang out with#her so bad we could spiral together
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i hate ai so bad not just because it's morally evil or that its going to take over the human race, but i truly think people are so stupid for using and engaging with generative ai. i have classmates who cant write emails without having chatgpt write and proofread it for them. i know people who only use gauth ai to do their math work and then wonder why they dont understand the material and are failing the class. i have friends who will bash ai generated slop to hell and then in the same breath claim that ai songs and ai generated deepfakes of vines are the funniest thing on the internet.
i hate how every app, every website, every store and every ad pushes ai in my face. i hate how its the main selling point of products, every company racing to add their shitty ai generated virtual assistants onto every device that i own. i hate the excessive imposure of ai in every crevice of my life. i hate how i have to look at every miniscule detail of artwork on pinterest to see if the pin was made with purpose and soul or if it was a prompt churned out by a machine. i hate how people are publishing ai generated books, making ai generated songs, writing ai generated movies, and talking to ai generated people. i hate how this parasite can weasel its way into every aspect of content creation and that there is no way to escape it.
i hate character ai, meta ai, snapchat ai, whatever the name of elon musk's ai assistant is called, spotify ai, google ai, and any other ai agent meant to replicate real people.
i believe that the growing reliance on generative content is going to create generations of incompetent people who are unable to discern real from fake, who wont be able to think critically, engage with media intellectually, or learn to learn from their mistakes. i fear that this is going to leave people more susceptable to scams, political propaganda and misinformation, while also influencing them to be dismissive of real talent and real heart and real effort and real connections and everything that makes humanity good.
i pray that people will wake up soon and see how amazing it is to think for themselves and create for themselves and learn by themselves and realize that shedding their dependency of ai will make them better in the long run
#ai#ai generated#chatgpt#somehow my 60 year old uncle is using chatgpt to do his work. my mother is using grammarly ai to do her schoolwork#my friends and cousins use chatgpt to do their homework qnd cheat on tests#if youre going to cheat cheaf the old fashion way!!! pick up a book and learn words to write a damn enail!!#youre asking a teafher for extended time why is snapchat ai writing the email for you!! qnd you copy and paste it!! emojis and all!!#i hate ai so passionately im shaking i lose most if not all my respect for peopke if i know they use it#i dont understand how it wss able to spread like wildfire but its eevrywhere and it makes me want to theow up#i get not understanding the environmental effects but to me stupid is stupid is stupid#and if you can't watch a vidro on youtube on how to factor and you HAVE to use ai to do it for you youre stupid#i hate ai so bad its not even funny#ai slop#ai artwork#ai memes#social media#ranting in the tags because i can#i couldnt leave this in yhe notes app i needed to be angry and have people hear#i could talk for hours abour ai and the environment and racism and humanities downfall but im just rambling rn and i have hw to do#l speaks#keep talking l#shut up l
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing
#[temporary text post tag]#vagueing about irls#everybodys your friend until one time youre too tired to act right after getting yelled at first thing in the morning#worst thing is i trusted her enough to tell her shit none of my other friends know about#liek i genuinely believed we were friends and i wasnt just an accessory so she wouldnt feel lonely and could vent to someone about whatever#now im really wondering if all the shit she told me about other people was real or if she just ditched them as well after they-#- acted emotionally in a way she didnt like#like im sorry people have bad days and sometimes act in none cutesy ways#at this point idk if the few times i did tell her im feelin like shit she took it seriously or just thought i was joking#im kinda assuming the second one#like she did feel and act fairly progressive - she'd often talk about acceptance and understanding#i don't even think she sees this situation as dropping a 'freind'#she's prolly gonna find a way to justify it somehow idk#point is im hurt and need a drink#she even vaguely texted me like 'if someone you knew hurt someone you care about would you try to fix it with them or just block them?'#like not even confront me and say 'you hurt someone i care about so now im ending things'#or just tell me to fuck off or call me a piece of shit#i feel after a year and all of the 'youre a good friend' shit that maybe i was at least entitled to a 'fuck off kys' text and then a block#i shouldve dropped her first - save us both some time#honestly i dont even think she thinks about this at all#im probably just sulking like a kicked dog while she does whatever the fuck it is she does#she probably didnt even care about my side of the story#why would she#honestly she always did most of the talking#i was just there to listen and sometimes make a joke for her to laugh at i guess#like i didnt know i was signing up for a '1 strike and youre out' type deal lmao
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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I don’t get why ppl keep saying bkdk is dead or Horikoshi broke off bkdk. If that were true, this extra would look very different as you pointed out multiple times. The extra was still heavily focused on them and I hate how ppl are letting one no dictate the entire relationship. Izuku asks him to be a special lecturer too. I think the no just needs more clarification but other than that it is mostly fine. If a ship were to be shut down by the creator, it would look very different. Same logic for if a ship were to be canon, it would look different than what we got in the end for izu///ocha. This extra was bad in different ways from ships. It was just a whole lot of nothing that doesn’t meaningfully add anything to the story but I guess we shouldn’t be surprised since it is an extra. It is still an ambiguous ending that can be pretty fixable by one shots by Horikoshi in the future or even better by fanfiction lol. Except for the Toga part. That is just inexcusable
himiko-chan :(
and yeah! like even tho 431 is terrible not only for pairs but also for the whole story, it only confirmed Katsuki feels something really strong for deku and he doesnt notice bc he doesnt consider himself to be that great; they keep talking, and they keep being in each other's lives with no problem -they also imply they will work on communicating their feelings, as the special lecture is about this topic and deku also thinks katsuki doesnt see himself in a high regard. This is actually something that could be used in the future, as their relationship and arc isnt completely finished -in the way that they arent at a point of no miscommunication, no yearning, etc. They still need something to work with in regards to themselves and each other in the process. When it comes to midoriya and uraraka, idk what exactly could develop from what 431 tell us -seems to be mostly about paying attention to the ppl in your life instead of just letting life happen I guess? But idk what conversation or arc they could have together that wasn't resolved already, it was a really weird choice to focus on them as if there needs to be more explored -which is why choosing to not make them talk to each other nor think of the other in these years is potentially interesting, like the only way they could actually need to talk things up or have a separated special moment is if they just stop being friends and want to talk more from now on. Like, if they kept their friendship these years and were part of the other's life, there wouldnt be a moment like this at all.
I think it hurt mostly ochako -and deku if we interpret it as "deku just wants to be teacher, he is super happy about it, and loveeees so much his ex bestie after 8 years of no contact and never thinking about her"-, more than the bkdk relationship.
It would be interesting to see those one shots, if he does them -I know he said he wanted to do more things and little drawings and content for it, but idk if he will do something elaborate or just one page of something silly. I think he still has to opportunity of working with the material and make something at least not this bad -or completely ignore 431 and just continue with their adventures like 430 implies lol If he wants to double down with the "romance" I have no idea how he could do it with what he has tbh, unless he just ignores the plot and their personalities.
#grrr talking#thanks bc I was getting a little crazy like wowowowow am I just making things up in my head???#I think bkdk keep having romantic connotation even if deku is so clueless#and while is sad to see them be insecure about themselves I think they do have reasons to do this more than ochako#she did learn her lesson with 429 and talked things with deku already -which is why you had to make them go no contact for them to even#have a “moment” -there was no need for them to develop anything with their friendship. and it still ended in a friendly note#while katsuki and deku never got to actually talk about their feelings alone#nor discussed all the trauma related to each other -the quirklessness the war shigaraki killing him the guilt over so many things#deku on another hand doesnt really have much to tell uraraka that would fit them as there wasn't a moment the war actually involved them tr#truly besides the himiko moment -which would lead to himiko's love for ochako and while this could be used to make her confess#its really... bad honestly considering thats the only thing that relates them -another girl who loves both#there wasn't a moment of him paying special attention to her in a romantic coded way and everything was just... pretty friendly honestly#while the war directly involved katsuki being targeted for being the closest to deku of them all#I makes sense for them to need to talk about this in comparison#what deku as a character needs is to consider why he doesnt see himself as important and why isnt he allowed to accept more for him than#what he got#and I just dont see how this could work with her considering they dont have a real friendship anymore#I cant see neither trying to push the other into being honest about hidden feelings for the other bc... why would they have that?#and why wouldnt they just talk about it before? as I said their arc was really done before the extra#which is why you had to make them lose their friendship and want to talk more from now on -bc if they keep being friends there wouldnt be#any moment that could be ambiguous enough#but with katsuki there are things left unsaid even when keeping in contact that involve each other and their self esteem#meaning they need to work in their communication#with 431 deku “going for” uraraka doesnt come off as “him choosing himself” and “living his life”#bc it was a decision that didnt involve any internal discussion about why he is the way he is#its not framed as him finally choosing for himself or being selfish -he just found her in his way home and wanted to talk more after no con#contact#he is still insecure about his needs and doesnt understand what katsuki means when he talks in such abstract ways#its not like he understood “oh I have to choose someone” or “I have to find my special person” bc he wasn't embarrassed about wanting to t#talk to her -he loves everyone yeah but he wants to talk to her more (they haven't talked to each other in so many years!)
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Btw sorry for not getting to asks and drawing lately, I've been busy for almost the whole past week. hangs my head low
#clemramble#last week I was stuck on dog watching duty for 3 days which doesnt sound bad#until you realize one of them is like 16 years old and losing control of certain body functions. old age and all you know the drill#and then right after i was done iwas sent to my grandmothers and ive been doing stuff with her#so whenever i am online its like snrrk mimimimi ... i tried to draw yesterday but almost nothing came out right#but rest assured. i will get to work sooner or later.#i usually dont apologize for inactivity since a.) i have a life outside of social media and b.) i put my trust that you all#also understand that and wont start sending pitchforks and fire in my inbox#likewise i try not to publicly talk about my life in greatdetail but what harm could it hurt for you all to know i have an old dog.#ANYWAYS ENOUGHOF THAT#i will get back on that grind soon... even if its just sketches#just have to wait for that rest period to get over . i DESPERATELY need to work on my askblog.#i did not forget about it im just conflicted bc i want to use the new brush but the canvas is too small for it so im trying to find alts#...or else ill have to redraw the entire background . shudders. gets scared
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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Lisa redesign + headcanons aughfhfhfg I need her so bad (I almost died making this)
#artists on tumblr#genshin impact#lisa minci#genshin edit#my friend said her vibe is giving older sister that's moved out of the house and middle aged#thats what i was going for so mission accomplished 🙏🙏#she would take care of me and play mitski songs in the car i think#also hehehe messy bun from napping all day oewwaahhuh >>>>#oh my gyatt i love her#also. peek her right eye if you havent yet#so insanely obsessed w her having smth to do with Khaenriah or the Abyss oml#I need her to die so bad you dont even understand#i also need to draw her and diluc making out nasty. been yearning for them lately#i love mulitshipping so much gang how can yall be haters when every mond ship is objectively amazing (except for the illegal ones)#ive gotten way off topic sorry for yapping#she prevokes something deep within my soul that can only be soothed by mindless rambling
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If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.
#• luna lavinchi speaking •#living with cptsd#cptsd vent#complex ptsd#diet culture trauma#monsters inside me#toxic health culture#ex vegitarian/vegan#emotional flashbacks#health documentaries#dark side of veganism#i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not#-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years-#-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the#-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say.#I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks-#-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's-#-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am-#-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this.#(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you)#tw food talk#tw diet culture#tw vent in tags#(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much)#(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me-#-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an-#-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.-#-therapist W)
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thisis probably rich coming from me cuz im sure im just being hypocritical when i say this but you kno wwhat !!! sometimes i am not open to cues and i need people to spell shit out for me ok!!!! please do not expect me to just imemdiately understand shit if you dont communicate your feelings with me ok!!!! i am so so sos mad!!!!
#first of all my sibling has put me in such a bad mood#i think theyve been angry for a whiel that i dont call them often but i do not think they needed to literally shove me at a mall ok that wa#uncalled for and the fact they called me a bitch. the patience i had needs to be awarded#if you were angry about it you could actually tell me taht????#like in the past theyve been like 'hmph you never call me' which ok fine im bad at calling them but they mostly say it in a joking tone#if you were really angry with it you should have said so at some point and not at the FUCKING MALL!!!! WHILE WE ARE WITH A GUEST!!#second of all now its making me think of my gf and how she literally did nto tell me even for a moment that she was feeling 'no connection'#like how did seh spend the entire second half of spring semester and all of summer telling me she loved me#and then tell me 'i just dont really feel an emotional connection' GIRL???#WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN#not only that but soemtiems shed look at me w her puppy eyes but i wouldnt imemdiately know what she wanted#and like it was cute but like girl please im beggging you to jus tTELL ME#I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THINGS IMMEDIATELY I NEED YOU TO LAY THEM OUT FOR ME!!!!#anyway. sorry today has thoroughly pissed me off. i need to go back to my dorm and forget about my family for like a month ok#jesus FUCKING christ#sunny rambles
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god i hate when people are rude about penny 💥
#at this bloodwork place bc my grandma has to get blood drawn and i like. need 2 be w her bc she needs help w shit#and of course i have penny with me cause like. she gets scared if shes left home alone and *i* get get anxious if shes not around#and we're in the waiting room and its totally fine. shes not barking or jumping or anything just sitting politely between my feet#n this nurse guy comes out and pets her etc its all good and then this lady comes out and is like ermm.#thats clearly not a service animal. and you should know better than to bring random animals into a medical building 🙄.#which yea i understand but i always. bring her w me to the doctor and stuff bc. i need to. and its never a problem bc shes polite n behaved#but like idk. feels bad !#didnt even answer her bc i was embarassed so now im just sitting in the car while my grandma finishes getting her blood done#i know people get fucked abt esa animals vs service animals and how you shouldnt bring your “untrained dog” in public etc#but if they arent bothering you and are well behaved and on a leash then why tf do you give a shit#(in this case i know its a medical building but again. i take her to the doctor w me all the time. and its always totally fine.)#(ive had blood drawn w her in the room. i dont rly understand)
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