#I must talk. I am a little chatterbox and I have many a thought about SO many things. But that doesn't have to be right now. Maybe later :]

[red-moon-at-night]

the rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated

*it's been 3 months since I last posted* FUCK HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT LONG???

[katsucutie]

i hate your guts (m)

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader genre: smut, humor warnings: smut, swearing (you know the good stuff) overview: class 1-a has this belief that you and katsuki hate each other, though one incident has their minds changed word count: 4.2k author’s note: this was written to fight my writer’s block and i happened to find a psycho-analysis of katsuki which helped somewhat and its quite interesting. anyways...the song choice while writing this was house of cards, also this was written in three days and i tried using any relevant medical terms i’ve learned so far in uni. hope you enjoy!! masterlist | ko-fi

Walking through the azure-rimmed gate you knew the day would be the same. Homeroom for ten minutes then classes back to back with a minor minute break in between, next an oh-so-needed fifty-minute lunch, and finally two classes to end the day. Not that you could complain, heroes in training must earn some type of education.

Though school wasn’t the worst thing invented, you can definitely say occasions in English class were not lackluster with Present Mic as the teacher. Or in math, when Midoriya yells out an inaccurate answer only to be corrected by Yaoyorozu. It's the little moments that bring laughter, or maybe it’s watching someone embarrass themselves in front of a class that's joyful.

And you could never forget the times where Jirou teased Kaminari for short-circuiting.

While all those moments are fun and dandy, 1-A can also be quite the chatterboxes and gossipy, especially when it comes to your feelings towards Bakugou. Believing that your relationship consists of mutual hatred, class 1-A constantly manages to tease both you and the blonde-headed male. Even All-Might manages to separate the two of you during training.

Although you never said anything against the rumors, it's quite humorous to see a school be so wrong in their thoughts. Is it not obvious that the glares the two of you send are not out of anger but endearment? Clearly not to Todoroki who claimed that Midoriya was All-Might’s secret love child, but that's beside the point. Additionally, you’ve yet to hear an accurate hypothesis as to why you and Bakugou would hate each other. Many of the theories revolve around Bakugou’s ‘anger problems’ but honestly, who doesn’t get mad?

Nonetheless, the rumors surrounding your alleged detestation toward the blonde sparked a little prank between you two. Pretending to hate each other until people catch on that you’re dating.

And the joke has been going on for quite a while, four months to be exact. Four months of pretending to hate in front of crowds, yet loving behind closed doors. Four months of experiencing the rush of adrenaline when you sneak around to his dorm room in the late hours of the night. Four months of leaving your friend groups to hang out during lunch.  

Four months of waking up early to walk to class with Bakugou. And don’t forget about four months of the blonde-headed male constantly breaking you away from your thoughts.

“Oi Y/n, break out of that daze and let’s go, we have thirty-minutes before class and I’d like to spend that time not pretending to hate you” Bakugou calls while molding his fingers into yours.

“Oh please, I’m not pretending you know I hate your guts” You smile, leaning into the broad male walking towards homeroom. ��Do you think today will be the same?”

“Yes, those idiots could watch us kiss and still think we hate each other, though I can’t complain, their oblivion is better than if they were to pester us about our relationship” he snarks.

Mindlessly nodding in agreement, you and Bakugou wander through the purple-stained floors of U.A., passing by random classrooms, and peering out the glass windows that overlook the campus.

After twenty-five minutes of strolling through the halls, Bakugou and you turn down the corridor leading to class 1-A, while unlocking hands and prepping for your fake and falsely-interpreted loathing glares.

“Today marks day ninety-six of the class believing we hate each other” you whisper.

“They’re hopeless….”

“But if at any point, you want to stop pretending let me know… I wouldn’t mind, jokes are funny but you’re my top priority”

“Is Bakugou Katsuki getting soft on me?”

“No.. shut up-”

“And they're back at it again Ladies and Gentlemen… the feud between Y/n and Bakugou seems everlasting” Kaminari calls sliding open the tall door leading to class 1-A. Way to ruin a cute moment.

“Honestly the two would probably be best friends if they didn’t hate each other, they both like the same things” Oh they wouldn’t believe the interests you two share.

“Yeah, but their personalities are so different, they’re just not meant to be and that’s fine” What a shock your relationship would be then.

“I’m so glad that you’re interested in my ‘relationship’ with Lord Explosion Murder… but I have more important matters to attend to such as earning my education so that I can be a top pro-hero” you remark sliding into your chair. Your comments are never intended to insult your boyfriend, but teasing his choice of a hero name couldn’t hurt anyone.

Waiting for the remaining two minutes for class to start, you check your phone and see a message notification from a familiar contact.

Babe 💗: storage room during lunch?

Quicker than your mind made a decision, your fingers don’t hesitate to press the send button.

You: i’ll bring the key        

----------

Bakugou was a master of three things. Okay maybe more than three, but three traits excel. His talent, his mind, and his ability to use his fingers.

Bakugou’s talent is tremendous and has been able to advance his goals of becoming a pro-hero. He acknowledges that he was born with such an extraordinary quirk, and has a flair for using it. Notwithstanding the male’s breakdown and internal belief that he is inferior to his pre-quirkless childhood friend, Bakugou unceasingly exerts himself to be more than a student with talent.

His mind is magnificent and allowed Bakugou to comprehend multiple topics of interest. Placing third in the class’ midterm exam, it’s evident that he shines in academic settings. And though few peers in 1-A state that Bakugou fails in the social aspect, you claim the opposite. In their eyes Bakugou is brash, however, after spending time with the boy, you have viewed him as self-reflecting, with social skills that others cannot see.  

While brains and talent may all be magnificent qualities of the blonde, nothing beats Bakugou’s ability to use his fingers. Combined with both his talent and his mind, Bakugou has the ability to make both inanimate and living things explode. And that isn’t related to his quirk.

“You’re imagining events that haven’t occurred yet. Am I truly that talented?”

Flushed and blinking in a shocked manner towards the male in front of you, you ask him if his quirk was mind-reading.

“Hmmm… No, but after seeing you so embarrassed I’d love to have such a quirk so that I’d be able to view the thoughts inside that mind of yours, but I was gifted with explosions... You, on the other hand, were blessed with the ability to swap items on your command. A quirk so useful, especially in times like these when I don’t have a key to the storage room”

“Oh please, just admit that you use me to gain entrance into forbidden rooms” You tease, giving Bakugou the janitor’s key to unlock the storage room.

The male chuckles unlocking the door to the storage closet, “Maybe a bit, though you reap the benefits of getting it” Change of thought, maybe he is brash.

Shutting the door behind you two, you finally express your raw emotions towards your boyfriend, engulfing him in a hug.

“I missed you”

“You came over my dorm last night” What an ass, couldn’t he just accept your affection?

“Yeah, but you go to sleep at like eight-thirty, which means I have to leave you dorm before then, and then I’m stuck in my dorm with nobody to talk to until I go to sleep at midnight, that’s about three and a half hours being alone”

“You’re so clingy… it's cute”

“Is there anything else I can do to make you feel less lonely since I go to sleep at like eight-thirty and leave you alone’”

Bashfully looking down at the floor rather than your boyfriend, you mumble your request.

Releasing the hug, Bakugou smirks, poking fun at your diffidence, “With that ask, I don't think you can be shy… Are you sure that's what you truly want?”

Nodding your head you look up to the red-eyed male, taking in his dilated pupils. It's always been him that you’ve desired.

Accepting your form of consent, Bakugou kisses you, enveloping your figure while you sneak your hands around his neck to deepen the embrace. And although the two of you are in a storage closet skipping out on lunch, the feeling of epinephrine dispersing within your bloodstream, inducing fast heart rates, is blissful. A salacious rendezvous with the man you’ve come to love could never hurt anyone… as long as they didn't find out.  

And if one were to catch you two, would they truly stop two aroused students halfway from committing adultery? Would a teacher not be embarrassed if he/she watched as Bakugou hurriedly zips down your green skirt in order to slide his fingers inside of your warmth? Or would someone scamper along hearing the lewd mewls arising from your throat?

“You’re so loud Princess, we have to keep it down or else someone will hear us, okay?”

Yet the person to blame for such noises was Bakugou himself. One could imagine the boy having rough, unmoisturized hands from his explosive quirk, but his inheritance of glycerin allows him to easily travel in and out of you.

“You’re close aren’t you? I can tell. Your walls are contracting at a faster rate and tightening each time I pump my fingers into you. It's really hot too, especially knowing that the world believes you hate my guts when behind the scenes, I rearrange yours”.  

Words cannot describe the pleasure Bakugou exposes you to. A thumb pressed against your clitoris, his middle and ring finger dug past your labia, and you’re unraveling beneath him. He has you under his full control. And how Bakugou feels will determine your release. An untroubled Bakugou can earn you multiple chances of release, whereas the current Bakugou you’re experiencing will rip your attempt at euphoria, despite you being almost there.  

“Katsuki please, I was right there… I’m so close you even said it yourself” You plead, wanting to reach a climax.

“I don’t know… strenuous activities make me tired and I wouldn’t want to upset you with the hour I may fall asleep” Bakugou smirks while tasting his digits, “You taste like caramelized sugar, I wonder where that came about?”

“Suki please, don’t leave me like this”

“It’ll only be for a little while babe, but lunch is almost over, we have to go back to class. I’ll help you out at my dorm alright?”

What more could you do but nod, put back on your skirt, and pretend to hate Bakugou once more in public?

----------

The walk back to class was internally embarrassing. Arousal saturated your underwear, heat filling up between your legs and left you with a foggy mind. You couldn’t imagine pretending to hate Bakugou now when all you could think about was Bakugou hovering above you in his dorm room, aggressively ramming into your hole as you pleaded for mercy. But you’re in school containing students who are not Bakugou to distract you from your misery.

“Y/n pay attention to me, and why do you smell like caramel?” Well shit, is the cat out of the bag?

Looking up at the voice calling, you smile faintly in means of apologizing and mutter an incoherent response to Mina’s question.

“Sorry, and thanks I guess... It might be from the sweets I had during lunch”

“I see, well since you like sugary foods we should go to the bakery today after school, I’m sure the others would like to come too” The pinky bounces brightly.

“I can’t today, sorry! I’m super behind on work and barely understand what's going on in class, let’s go this weekend when I’m free?” What a Lie.

Fortunately, the promise of a raincheck is enough for Mina to back off from the situation and accept your rejection. Today would have been a perfect day to go out with friends, yet the blonde-headed boyfriend of yours decided to be unfair, leaving you to crave his affection. Though, the school day would be over soon enough with only two periods following lunch. And only then would you be able to gain some type of relief.

As if that ideology would be so simple.

Bakugou Katsuki is a man full of pride --rightfully achieved, of course, meaning he knew how and when to push your buttons. Right now being one of those times.

Despite wanting to pay attention in your world language class, Bakugou made it very difficult to do so. Especially knowing that he is the cause of your phone silently vibrating every three minutes in your pocket. He doesn't want you to forget he is the cause of your erotic thoughts. Rather, he’ll keep reminding you that he is controlling your excitement.

However, from the glance across the room, Bakugou didn’t look like the lead in this relationship. His eyes were majorly dilated, with his red iris visually smaller in circumference. Additionally, a prominent cherry hue spread across his cheeks, that one may call flustered from afar. Although, only the two of you understood each other’s physical response towards seduction.

Babe 💗: you look dazed

Babe 💗 : I don’t think that’s the best for someone who wants to become a hero, don't you think?

Babe 💗: this class is so important

Babe 💗: …

Babe 💗 : don’t look at me

Babe 💗: i'm not the teacher

Babe 💗: your so cute trying to ignore these texts

Oh how badly you wanted school to be over

-------------

As the clock hit 2:45 PM, you watch everyone around you hurrying to leave the school and have freedom. And once five minutes go past, 1-A is a semi-empty classroom with two students remaining. Two hormonal, amorous, epinephrine-surged students patiently waiting for their peers to leave the school grounds, so that they can walk to the dorms together in peace.  

Whilst hand-holding may be a shock to onlookers, if they had the capability to read your mind, myocardial infarction would sure to follow. Outstandingly too, if they did not foreshadow the events of you walking within the fourth floor of heights alliance and entering the second room from your left.

“Your room is so homey” You comment. Despite visiting the blonde’s dorm room on multiple occasions, the comforting aura never ceases to relax you.

“I would hope so, I don’t want to be reminded that we’ve been moved from our homes to our school campus in fear of malicious attacks against students”  

“Thanks for that… truly an amazing choice of words” You sarcastically remark. Not everyone needs a reminder of the traumatic incidents students of U.A. have been through, especially when it's clear that students of 1-A (and others) have not received enough therapeutic aid to cope with the events suffered.

One would think that Bakugou of all students would be most affected by trauma, starting from falling victim to the Sludge Villain incident, to being kidnapped by the infamous League of Villains, though he shows the opposite effects. While you cannot see inside the mind of Bakugou and tell if he is extremely traumatized by the incidents and is repressing his memories as a form of coping, you can see what he is physically doing. And at this current moment, you cannot see someone disturbed by his past, but impassioned with the ideas of what is to come.

Tossing your backpack to a discarded corner of Bakugou’s dorm, you throw yourself onto his bed, relishing in the comfort of his bedsheets. You’ve always loved his bed, your favorite moments with him have occurred there. Random naps while cuddling on Saturday afternoon, binge-watching cult-classics after a big exam, or simply having Bakugou’s powerfully built arms wrapped around you like they are now is unforgettable.

“I don’t understand how you’re so built? We go to the same school, attend the same classes and both do athletic training. I mean I’m not complaining because you definitely look good, but it's interesting how my figure compares to yours”

“That's like me asking why you’re so attractive, it's just luck within life, plus I like your figure, it blends perfectly with mine”. A man with such words can only follow with actions that prove it, and the blonde was sure to do so.

Except for when his phone goes off multiple times.

“I think you should check your texts, it may be important”

Halfway sliding off of your body, Bakugou pulls his phone out of his pockets to read his text messages. “It's nothing important, Kirishima just wanted me to join him and the others to go to some bakery since you didn't want to go”

“Oh okay-” Again you were cut off by the sound of his phone going off, however this time, the alert was a long-lasting ring, signaling that Bakugou was receiving a call.

“He’s so persistent, why would I want to go to a bakery when the best dessert is in front of me”

Lightly throwing his phone on the floor of his dorm, Bakugou discards any form of human interaction outside of the bed, focusing his attention on the one he loves.

“You know I really fucking love and care for you?” You do. You fully understand his love for you, from the way his iris shrinks to the rosy pigments formulating on his cheeks when looking at you. And you’ve never once questioned his devoutness towards expressing his adoration for you.

In moments like these, where Bakugou gently strips clothing from your body admiring every crevice, you know the two of you are in love. The boy may come off as an entitled brat, but when push comes to shove, he will bend over backwards trying to make you feel happy.

“You’re so mushy when you're in the feels”

“Oh forgive me for wanting to praise my girlfriend”

“I’m joking, but it is nice to know the feeling is reciprocated”

His silence you took as acknowledgment. ‘I love you too’ was a phrase you didn’t say often, it sounds too forced. Being obligated to say a phrase in return is meaningless when both parties understand each other’s feelings. And it's even more worthless when the actions committed speak louder than words. Bakugou does not need to hear you say ‘I love you’ constantly when he knows you dragging the zipper down of his pants and springing free his cock from the restraints of his underwear means the same thing.

And when you free yourself from the fondling of your boyfriend to meet your lips with the tip of his enraged dick, Bakugou has fallen prey to submission. Having yet to insert the body part into your mouth, you take notice of the male in front of you. Cheeks flushes, head lolled back, visible veins peeking from his sand-colored skin, and light pants as a result of excitement. Hot.  

One kiss to his head and you feel a little twitch. He wouldn’t last long. Understanding that thought you decide to mess with the male, putting half of his length within your mouth and pumping the other half. It was a shame he toyed with you earlier, now he’d face the repercussions. Light squelches filled the quiet air, and Bakugou’s groans got increasingly vocal overtime. The combination forming a sexual melody awaiting to be abruptly paused.

Releasing your lips from the now wet surface of the blonde’s dick, you hear the annoyed groan of the male. “Why’d you stop?”

“I’m sorry were you close?”

“Obviously, but that doesn’t answer my question”

“It’s just that strenuous activities make me tired Suki, and I wouldn’t to make you upset if I accidentally fell asleep”

Tch. The little sound of irritation fell from Bakugou’s mouth, only signaled one thing, rough sex.

“How I’ve come to date such a slutty brat is beyond me. Getting back at me isn’t going to help you in this situation. All you’ll receive is a punishment, though knowing you, you’ll probably enjoy it”  

Although enticed by the proposition, you failed to speak out after being muffled by your boyfriend. Your own skirt which the male had managed to take off earlier now laid scrunched up in your mouth. In addition to that, your arms were now constricted by a gold-rimmed belt.

And while whining in complaint about the new restrictions placed on you, Bakugou alters your kneeling position into one laying beneath him. The primal glare he sends you would signal fear to others, however, you know that the fun is only about to begin.  

Widening your legs apart Bakugou spares no time plunging two fingers into you, stretching the pair apart. Despite being unable to speak, your moans are heard loud enough by your boyfriend to increase his speed. Every sound encouraging the male to continue to berate your walls.

Thinking that the punishment you’ll receive is overstimulation by being one step away from ecstasy, you’re disturbed by the sudden absence of feeling in your core.

“I didn’t say you could come”

Twice today he’d done that. One denial was not enough for him, and that’s when you identified your mistake. Bakugou had the power to reject your advances to climax however many times he’d like. Maybe being a brat today wasn’t the best idea.  

Granted that Bakugou could undeniably be the most ruthless person when it comes to sex, today marked the first time he’d ever advanced into you without warning. The thrusts he implemented assaulting your hole. Even so, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“My god Y/n, you’re so tight, so perfectly made to take my dick”

“You make it so easy for me to unravel within the warmth of your pussy”

“Fuck I’m so close baby, I’m sure you are too”

He wasn’t wrong. The magnitude of the thrusts presented plus the physical restraints and multiple orgasm denials has sped up your ability to reach a climax. You were a mess underneath the man, hoping that soon he would grant you the gift of release. And by the looks of it, Bakugou would provide you with it soon. His cock inconsistently twitching in your warmth, notifying both you and him that he would come soon.

So when the removal of your gag began, you were not surprised. He was close and needed the extra aid of your uncovered moans to aid him to let go. Bare lewd noises ricocheted from the walls of Bakugou’s dorm, and you became thankful that Kirishima went to a bakery rather than located next door. Though had he been, he would have been overhearing an occasion so pornographic, one would think you’re in the business.

They wouldn’t be fully wrong either. Whilst uploading an adult video while training to be pro-heroes sounds absurd, Bakugou has no problem taping to two of you in the act. It may be the idea of possibly getting the video leaked or a similar exhibitionist-like kink, but the blonde constantly acts to videotape during sex.

“This would be perfect on video. The noises you make before you come are so fucking hot I’d replay them until the end of time”

Yet Bakugou is gravely mistaken. Yes, the noises you exhale are angelic, but compared to the rugged groan he calls while releasing his load in you is divine, and never fails in making you follow suit. So when you recognize that tone in addition to the feeling of warmth coating the inside of your walls, you have no choice but to mirror his actions.

“You’re so perfect” He states, slipping himself from your cunt and delivering pecks to your lips while he unbuckles his belt from your wrists. Post-sex always has Bakugou sappy, but how could you complain.  

Wrapping your freed arms around his neck, you pull the male closer to your embrace while nuzzling your nose into his neck. You felt the rapid pace of his heartbeat begin to slow down.

“Are you guys done, because I still haven’t received a response from Bakugou about if he wanted to go to the bakery or not?” What the fuck.

“Did you not press decline when answering Kirishima’s phone?”

“I thought I did��”

“Is that a no or?”

“Of course it's a fucking no, and don’t tell anyone else what you heard. Why were you even listen-” He hung up.

“You think we can go another day pretending to hate each other?”

“Nope… he definitely told the entire class”

“That's a shame, it was fun having them think I hate your guts”

“Awe how tragic… now get up so we can clean you off, heroes in training don't get UTIs”

How sweet.

----------

The trek to school the next day seemed no different than the past. You woke up early to walk to class with Bakugou and strolled the corridors. Only this time while sauntering into homeroom, nobody greeted the couple at the door, rather class 1-A smiled awkwardly as you held hands walking to your seats. Although you wouldn’t have known the reason for the tension in the classroom had Kaminari not jokingly mumble to Sero that he would’ve never expected the blonde to be an exhibitionist.

“Hm, if I recall correctly, I said not to tell anyone”

“I’m sorry my phone was on speaker when I called you” Great.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

HP A Working Progress (one shot)

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Request Fic from @vacantpage0910

a regulus one shot where he’s paired with this other slytherin girl in class and she’s very friendly and inviting, but he keeps his cold demeanor the whole time. (Inside he’s melting as times goes on though) regardless of his hard exterior and his seemingly annoyed stature, once they’re done being partners he seeks her company out (totally by “accident” and not precise planning or memorizing her time table 😉) and the rest is up to you. I would like a fluff ending though. Maybe she could be a Potter too?

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: T 

_______

“This day!”

You snapped before throwing your bookbag on the table in front of you and plopping down across from your best friend. Winter looked up curiously from the books that she was hovering over.

“Rough day?”

Winter questioned as you looked up. You made a muffled “umhm” sound before looking up. Winter smiled, hoping to ease whatever tensions that you had.

“What’s wrong?”

You glanced over your shoulder in the direction that Regulus Black had stalked off in before turning back to your friends.

“McGonagall paired me up with Regulus Black for a project.”

Winter frowned.

“I thought that you fancied him.”

You laughed. There was no “thought” to it. You were simping for Regulus Black hard. That didn’t mean that he liked you, however.

“I do but he thinks that I am the most annoying creature known to wizardkind. Like he genuinely hates me.”

Winter gave you an amused smile. She had known about your cute little crush on Regulus Black since 2nd year.  

“He doesn’t hate you. Regulus just doesn’t know how to show any emotion other than loathing. If you had a mother like him, you would be a miserable git too. Lucky your mother is so charming.”

You had to agree with that one Euphemia Potter had to be the most wonderful mother ever! Granted, she was older than most of your friend’s mothers but that didn’t matter. You contributed that her age helped with her “mothering” style.  

Walburga Black was no source of secrecy for you. After Sirius moved in over the summer, you learned all about that “charming” woman. Regulus’ sullen and moody disposition suddenly made sense.

“He sure has a funny way of showing that he doesn’t hate me.”

You grumbled, taking a sip of the water that Winter pushed across the table. Winter smiled.

“Tell me what he said to you before you explode.”

You groaned.

“Well, there I was just minding my own business being my super friendly self when McGonagall paired me with him. He didn’t say one word when he sat down. He acted like I had some kind of cooties or something. His only words to me were you better not let me fail, I don’t like your chattering, and why do you talk so much? Tell me how that is nice? If that is nice then I must be like some kind of deity for not smiting him. Look, I get that I am a chatterbox but that’s my appeal...go ask my brother. When I stop talking that’s when he knows that there is a problem.”

Winter had to agree with James Potter on that one (what a rare occurrence). You were the girl that could sit and be nice to anyone about anything. When Winter first met you, she couldn’t help but wonder how in the hell you had been sorted into Slytherin. You seemed more like a Hufflepuff yet here you were dressed in green and silver. It didn’t take Winter long to be over the moon for you. When she had a nasty letter from home or something else was bothering her in the slightest, you were the person to go to.

“You are not a chatterbox.”

“Come on, Winter. This is me that we are talking about.”

Winter rolled her eyes.

“Shut up, smart mouth. I was simply saying that you are an enjoyable person to talk to. You have a very nice refreshing outlook compared to the rest of us in this house. Yes, you're sassy but that adds to your appeal. What did you say to him?”

You scowled over at Regulus who was talking to Evan Rosier about something. Neither boy looked in your direction for a moment. It was Evan that turned to you first. You quickly turned back to Winter. The last thing that you wanted was for Evan to think that you were looking at him. That boy’s head was big enough as it was. He didn't need any help from you.

“I just muttered rude under my breath. Now I am stuck with him for the next two weeks.”

Winter smiled.

“Just go snog him and get it over with. I see how he looks at you.”

You started dying laughing at that. Winter sat looking at you with a look of contempt as you continued to laugh so hard tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Are you done?”

You shook your head as Regulus walked over. Winter smirked as you continued to laugh hysterically.

“What did you do to her, Winter?”

Regulus questioned as your laughter suddenly stopped. Your face reminded Regulus of a little strawberry as you turned to look at him before turning back to your friend. He was feeling a bit guilty about being such a dick in transfiguration. It wasn’t like you were being rude or obnoxious. Regulus simply didn’t know how to deal with people asking him questions or his opinion on something. He was the one that most people ignored and forgot was there.

“If that is what you think, Winter then that makes me an astronaut.”

“I’m not joking. Hi, Regulus. Do you need something?”

Winter continued, for the moment ignoring Regulus who was clearly trying to put everything together.

“Yeah, Y/n, we need to start working on that project.”

You scooted over to give him enough room to sit down. Winter stood to pick her books up.

“I have to get to potions. See you later, Y/n.”

You nodded before turning to face Regulus. His dark eyes were focused on the table in front of him. This was going to be an awkward project if you were going to be the one doing all of the talking.

“What days do you want to work on this?”

You questioned as Regulus looked up finally. Why was being nice so freaking difficult? Regulus wasn’t for sure why he had to be so snotty toward you. Maybe it had to do with James being your brother? It wasn’t your fault that James Potter was your brother. Just like it wasn’t his fault that Sirius was his older brother.

“Most of my afternoons are free. I have quidditch in the evenings during the week. Would you meet me in the library?”

You nodded in agreement. The inner girl in you was thrilled with the prospect of spending your afternoons with the boy that you had a crush on. If you could get him to talk things would be even better.

“That sounds fine to me.”

Regulus took a breath before turning back to face you. You reminded him of James (just a James that he didn’t want to smack.)

“About earlier...I’m sorry….I was kind of a jerk. Apparently, I’m not much of a morning person.”

Regulus was relieved when you smiled.  

She’s smiling because of me. Merlin, I made a girl smile...I can do it!”

Regulus couldn’t help the thoughts going through his mind. Other than Ambrosia Parkinson, who only liked him for his family name, no other girl looked at him like that.

“You’re in luck to have me for a partner. I can make dandy coffee.”

Regulus smirked.

“Will it take the paint off of the walls?”

You liked “this” side of Regulus. This boy seemed happy.  

“If that is what you want.”

Over the following week and a half, the two of you spent every free moment together. Regulus wasn’t for sure when it happened but he realized that he was falling for you hopelessly.

I need to stop...I have to stop. It wouldn’t work. My parents would never agree to this...but I don’t care. Today is the last day of the project. I have to talk to her today. If I don’t do it then I will spend the rest of my life regretting being a chicken. What if she doesn’t like me? She’s sweet to everyone...what if she is just being nice to get through this project?

Regulus thought as you put the finish touches on the project. He watched as your nose scrunched up as you looked everything over once more.

“Regulus?”

You saying his name didn’t get Regulus’ attention right away. Turning away from the paper, you turned to look at the boy beside you. Regulus’ eyes were locked on the table in front of him. Over the past few weeks, you had gotten used to Regulus’ hard exterior but had found ways to break through it leaving you with the boy that you liked the most. It didn’t happen often but when you did it felt like a small victory.

Reaching out, you snapped your fingers in front of his face. Regulus blinked a few times before quickly grabbing your hand. Whether it be the shock of him moving so fast or the fact that he was holding your hand, you sat staring at him as Regulus smirked.

Neither of you was ready to admit that there was clear chemistry going on. If Regulus kissed you in this particular moment, you wouldn’t have fought back.

Come on, kiss me….be nice...do something...please

You screamed in your head as Regulus continued to hold your hand in his.

“You think that you are clever, don't you?”  

You grinned.

“I would like to think so. Considering that we are in 5th year and I never have had to hex anyone...I think that I am doing downright nifty.”

Regulus didn’t want to but he slowly let your hand go.

“I’ve actually had a nice time working with you on this.”

He commented. That was the first compliment that he had let slip the whole time. You couldn’t help but be flattered.

Regulus, meanwhile, watched as the strawberry hue returned to your cheeks. He was going to miss seeing you blush over something that he said or when you knew that his eyes were on you.

I’m going to miss this.

As the next week began and life returned to normal, Regulus found himself missing spending every afternoon with you in the library. He had returned to his normal “life” of tagging after Evan and not trying to murder Barty Crouch Jr but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t matter how many stupid “dad” jokes that Evan came up with, none of them were funny as the silly childish ones that you could come up with a moments notice.

“Why don’t you go talk to her already?”

Regulus looked up from the breakfast that he was pretending to eat. He had been pushing food items around for the past half an hour and finally caught Evan’s attention.

“Who?”

Regulus questioned as Evan rolled his eyes.

“Potter. You’ve been acting like a heartbroken 19040’s housewife since that project ended.”

Regulus rolled his eyes.

“A 1940’s housewife?”

He questioned. Evan nodded. Over the past week, he had caught Regulus looking in your direction with a sad look on his face. It didn’t take Evan long to figure out just what was bothering his best friend.

“Yeah that or a stalker. You have been watching every move that girl makes and if it makes you feel better she is doing the same thing to you in return. She has had you wrapped around her finger from the day McGonagall set that essay. You may want to write her a thankyou note.”

Regulus’ frown deepened. Had he really missed you liking him in return? Was he that clueless that he missed everything?

“She probably thinks that I’m a jerk. I wasn’t all that friendly.”

Evan closed his book then focused his attention back to Regulus.

“What does she do at 12:30 every day?

“Goes to the lake.”

Regulus commented before his mouth dropped. How did he know this? Had he been watching you this closely?

“And you aren’t watching her.”

Evan muttered as Regulus stood up.

(meanwhile)

You sat by the lake focusing on a novel that Winter had given you to read. Typically, you weren’t one for romance novels but this one was too crappy. It seemed the closest that you were ever going to get to a romance was by reading these shitty books.

Someone sitting down across from you pulled you away from the story. Looking up, your mouth nearly dropped seeing Regulus sitting across from you.

“Hi, Regulus.”

You said with a smile. This had been the first time that the two of you had spoken since the essay ended.

“Hi, Y/n.”

You quickly reached down in your bookbag and pulled out the essay.

“Guess who got the highest scores in our class?”

Regulus smirked. He didn’t doubt that the two of you would have the best scores. It always seemed like it was the two of you trying to outdo each other when it came to grades.

“I’m guessing us.”

Regulus commented. You nodded as he looked at the book on your lap.

“Why do you read those things? My mother reads them.”

You blushed.

“Well, it's the closest to a relationship that I think that I will ever get. I know that real relationships are nothing like these books but...it's nice.”

Regulus was going on pure adrenaline at that particular moment. Where this sudden surge of bravery came from was yet to be determined.

“Stand up.”

You slowly did as you were told. Regulus stood up and took his place in front of you.

“Those books can be right...you just have to find the right person. Let me guess this is some story about a princess looking for a prince charming that doesn’t know what the hell that he’s doing?”

“Something like that.”

You muttered. Something was different in Regulus’ eyes as he looked into yours. The moment that his mouth was on yours, you didn’t know how to react. When he pulled away you stood looking at him with wide eyes.

“Whoa. Can you do that again?”

Regulus shook his head.

“In a minute, I need to tell you something first. First, I’m sorry if I was a jerk to you at all over the past few weeks. You’re a really nice girl and I have really grown to like you. I just don’t know how to do all of this love stuff…”

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you smiled.

“Kissing me again would be a great place to start.”

________

@amelie-black @truly-insatiable @realgaytrash @spiderxalmighty @acciosiriusblack @quuenofblacks @fandomsxxregulus @jessyballet @knreidy1 @whymyparentscheckmyphone @hazncalsgal @bennyberry @criminalyetminimal @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @hankypranky @summer-novak @shaylybaby2032 @emiwrites3reads @li0nh34rt @tas898 @marichromatic @maggioli-m @stuckinsaudi1 @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @deanwherescas @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner @rubyroscoe1

[thatpinkbetch]

Bkdk Fic Rec

I’ve been inspired to write a fic rec! This one goes out to you @lonely-rabbit

At like, the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 I stayed up until 4am every night reading fics, and because I’m such a loser, I made a word doc to keep track of all of them so I wouldn’t forget them.... I tried organizing it by length but it got messy cause I’m ridiculous and cluttered, so sorry! (I’ll save my own for the end alskdjflsdkfj gotta self promote you know). This is going to get...really long, so I’ll put it under a read more! Also, just a heads up, these are all on ao3, in case that’s important to anyone!

Disclaimer: Any fics with mature or explicit content I will add a bolded warning for, even if it’s only a little bit. Normally most fics will be tagged as such, but some fics that are rated as teen I’ve found to be more suggestive than some of those rated as mature, so I will try to point it out where it feels necessary, for anyone who wishes to avoid it.

Fics under 1k:

Illuminate by TheQueen (269 words)

Summary: Bakugou watches the first firework launch and fights to keep his face neutral

Very short, plot is about a case of amnesia, also very cute and well written for that length! Not angsty at all imo

sweaty hands holding secrets - shounentwink (563 words)

Summary: Someone said Midoriya holds secrets in his hair.

It’s not true: He holds it tightly in his hands. Bakugou’s seen it.

I really like this writer! You’ll see quite a bit of them in this post alkdsjfalskdjf

Fics 1k - 10k:

Many sunflowers later - Jeka (2395 words)

Summary: Scholar Midoriya Izuku comes back to the person he left behind after his journey through the kingdom, the mighty dragon clan leader Bakugou Katsuki.

Day 1 of Twin Stars Week 2020: Fantasy AU.

First of all, fantasy au!!! Second of all, jeka!!! (I need to read more of your stuff!!) Anyways, so cute, such lovely, pretty writing, wonderful story telling, and they’re so in love TT_TT

Boom Badoom Boom - warschach (3429 words)

Summary: Izuku's working the kissing booth at the school fair, it just so happens Katsuki has been crushing on him since the first grade.

“Did you—“ Izuku parted his mouth with no sound leaving it, “Did you pay?”

“Yea.”

“For a kiss?”

This one’s a little silly but I love it still. It’s got a “kids in the 80′s over summer vacation” vibe, I think. I love warschach! I should read more of their writing... They have SUCH good bakudeku content! *It’s rated teen but there’s some suggestive content, just a heads up!

Hopeless Ramen-tic - lalazee (7155 words)

Summary:  Midoriya is a cute guy who works at a ramen stall and Bakugou is thirsty as hell, but has to hide it by being an asshat. Another love story.

Ah, so good TT_TT so much sass, such good plot development and story telling for a simple concept *It’s rated as teen but again, it can be suggestive at times!

I’ll share this with you, so leave it behind - yabakuboi (3508 words)

Suammry: For the sake of the story, All Might is never in need of a successor, and, when Izuku saves Katsuki from the sludge monster, encourages young Midoriya down a different path. Thus, Katsuki and Izuku part ways after junior high, as Katsuki enters U.A. and the Midoriyas move overseas. It’s later that Katsuki realizes that there’s something missing, that he drove that something away.

Years after, Katsuki finds him in the last place he looks, in the cereal aisle at the local grocery store of their childhood neighborhood.

So soft, so sweet, so good if you just want to curl up in a comfy blanket and drink hot cocoa and feel warm and cozy and a little in love

The Secret Deku Box - yabakuboi (2241 words)

Summary: “Y’know, Bakugou never, ever talks about girls,” Kaminari says, his voice thoughtful.

“And I wonder why that is.” Ashido rolls her eyes.

“I’m just curious!” Kaminari whines. Kirishima drags the box out, unlabeled and unassuming, the lid not even fully clasped over the edges. “The guy has to— Whoa, what’s that?”

Kirishima realizes a little belatedly that this is a serious breach of privacy, and Bakugou will actually murder all of them. “Nothing!” he cries, attempting to shove it back under the bed, but Ashido snatches it away.

“Please be his porn stash!” Kaminari whispers as she whips the lid off.

Cute, funny, in canon, in character, and a must read I would say! 

daisy bunches and heather branches - halcyonwhispers (5862 words)

Summary:  izuku falls in love with the foul-mouthed tattoo artist next door.

Not another flower/tattoo shop au.... aldskjflaskdjfd Okay but punk!Bakugou is ALWAYS a smart move imo

the best part of me (is the worst I can give) - halcyonwhispers (5668)

Summary: Whole sentences usually make up people’s Words, but Katsuki got stuck with a name instead.

Izuku’s name.

I am such a sucker for soulmate aus when it comes to these boys TT_TT *There is some mature content, just a heads up!

Hard to Say - halcyonwhispers (8390 words)

Summary: Izuku is a Halfling, born after his faerie father spirited away his mom and then left her behind. Never quite fitting in with the humans or any of the supernatural beings in his small town, Izuku hoped that going to a diverse college in the big city will help him finally make friends.

Katsuki’s family has been powerful witches for generations, and he’s no different. Talented and a proclaimed genius to boot, he knew he shouldn’t waste his time on this dumbass (disgustingly cute) half-blood.

Or,

two idiots fall in love and don’t get that the other’s awkward cues are just a result of romantic tension.

I am ALSO a sucker for fantasy/mythical creatures au and I LOVED this one - Bakugou absolutely unable to handle how cute Midoriya is? Perfection - but it’s unfinished, and I don’t think it ever will be continued, unfortunately TT_TT

lots to unpack (throw away the whole suitcase) - shounentwink (4315 words)

Summary: “How’d you know?” Midoriya asks.

There’s a hunch to his shoulders that wasn’t there three hours ago. Freckled shoulders are kissed sunburnt and red: he looks like someone ran him over and left him like roadkill in the sunlight. Bakugou’s working with insurance today, but he could see the sparks of green lightning even from his elevated position in their shared agency. Midoriya’s holding his thumb, cracking it over and over — it looks like he’s rubbed it raw.

“Dunno,” Bakugou says. “Maybe you’re just easy to read, nerd.”

I love this one so much, it was one of the first ones I read, it’s so good, and it’s another that really affected how I view their relationship! Idk this one just hit for me

hang the moon from us (it’s a no from me) - shounentwink (1200 words)

Summary: Midoriya’s gonna get sick of Bakugou one of these days, and then the whole ruse will be over, and the balance of power will tilt beyond salvation, but that day isn’t today and it looks like Bakugou knows it.

What an asshole.

Once again, I’m a sucker for the fantasy au... But even more, the diction, the details, the imagery...it’s absolutely all stunning here. I wish I could write this pretty

In Which Bakugou Finds His One Tru Luv - Erina (5862 words) This is the first one of a series called The Misadventures of Explodo-kill Agency!

Summary:  Welcome to the Explodo-kill agency! We can destroy your buildings, crash your cars, and help you solve one of the seven mysteries in life: who is Bakugou Katsuki's mysterious boyfriend?!

I’ll admit I’ve only read the first three but by god they are the funniest fics I’ve ever read in my life. I see that Erina has added more since the last time I checked it out! Tbh I was only interested in reading the purely bakudeku ones... (My favorite was the second one!! SO funny and cute!)

i still do - raeryn (9646 words)

Summary:  He’s losing him to pieces, but Izuku still tries to make them count. In which a battle leaves Bakugou Katsuki with amnesia, and Izuku finds himself picking up the pieces.

So, this one makes me cry. TT_TT

One Thing Straight - winningshot (9899 words)

Summary: They totally aren't.

Hints of their relationship is found in all of their friends’ social media accounts, but majority of their fans still think that Katsuki and Izuku are in relationships with anybody but each other.

It was amusing up until it became sad.

Lmao it’s a little salty but I guess I can be too. This is a social media fic! There’s multiple ships in this one, too

A Demolition Boy & his Cryptid BF - kewltie (8472 words)

Summary: Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.

Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.

They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.

Okay kewltie is SO GOOD and very creative! The formatting is phenomenal, it’s like you’re actually experiencing a social media melt down in real time lol

be my good luck charm - writedeku (6785 words)

Summary: See, the thing is, Midoriya Izuku had been born with a curse. It’s not a curse that’s particularly visible. He doesn’t have horns, or a tortured face, and it’s not the kind of silly curse like a friend of his had way down south in Diagnor, wherein the girl had been born without the ability to say the word duck. Midoriya Izuku is just extremely unlucky.

(Or the AU in which Izuku's the world's unluckiest travelling merchant, and Katsuki is someone who may be able to help him. For a price, that is.)

Oh I adore this one! It’s so cute and such a good narrative! Nice and warm, and Bakugou trying his damnedest to be suave, and it somehow working because Midoriya is just as flustered. *Another one rated as teen but some suggestive content.

Smells Like Victory - majjale (2377 words)

Summary: Bakugou takes two steps into the room and stops, clapping a hand over his nose. “Ugh, what stinks like Deku in here?”

"Good afternoon, Bakugou. That would be the amortentia."

I must admit, not a fan of HP, but majjale...TT_TT majjale writes these two boys so well. This one is really, really good!

Cherish Me - Justaperson1718 (2376 words)

Summary: “What?”

Izuku looked back down at his menu and flipped the page, a small smile on his face. “Nothing.”

Katsuki glared at Izuku from across the table. “If it was nothing then you wouldn’t be staring at me.”

“It’s just a little funny watching you try to look your best for our date when you always look great anyway,” Izuku explained. He wouldn’t look up from his menu while he spoke, but his words remained ingrained with confidence nevertheless. He considered what he was saying to be fact, and nothing else. “Even when you’re not trying in front of the cameras, it’s still hard to take my eyes off of you.”

This is a sequel to a fic that’ll be in the next section, because it’s longer, called Manage Me. Please read that one first before this one! (Not part of a series, but they’re the same story line)

Fascinating - Justaperson1718 (1556 words)

Summary: “I’m not staring at you,” Izuku replied, his eyes focused intently on Katsuki. He’s still wearing his pajamas, sitting on his knees in their shared bed. He was awake moments before Katsuki, and waited eagerly for the other to awake.

Katsuki glanced over his shoulder after his shirt was on and glared. “You’re fucking staring at me right now.”

Izuku shook his head, humming his disapproval quietly. “I’m watching you.”

“That’s the same damn thing,” Katsuki said while searching for a pair of pants in the dresser. “Your eyes are fixated on me like I’m your life’s fucking goal or some shit.”

“I just like watching you get dressed.” Izuku tilted his head to the side and smiled softly at Katsuki’s confused stare. “I know, it’s weird. But I like it.”

*There is a little bit of implied mature content, but overall, it’s just so sweet and intimate, and I just simply adore this one.

in a place once filled with gold - dorenamryn (9226 words)

Summary: It felt strange to remember such details, for they were things a friend should know, and as far as Katsuki was concerned, he and Deku hadn’t been friends in a very, very long time. He could admit, with reluctance, that they were on the path there, now, even though they would never make it. Katsuki would die before they could get the chance.

or: There is a garden growing in Katsuki’s lungs, and he is helpless to stop it.

“Hanahaki disease” okay, I can explain myself. Okay, I can’t. In any case, you got angst with a happy ending if that’s what you’re into!

Kaleidoscope - DPRenFTW (5141 words)

Summary: Izuku is a witch. He just needs to find his familiar. Enter a boy that is a wolf, and a wolf that is a boy - with wild red eyes and sharp smiles.

And Izuku thinks:

"Oh, it's him."

Just as beautiful and fascinating as the name implies! I seriously recommend for the beautiful writing, the gorgeous world, the mythical creatures au, and the lovely bakudeku romance!

Learning Curve - sensiblysilly (4222 words)

Summary: Deku and Katsuki’s first kiss goes rather differently than planned.

And Katsuki’s quickly learning that relationships can be unpredictable - especially when taking into account the variable that is Midoriya Izuku.

This really is just a careful handling of a teenage romance where perhaps one of them may have shit they’re still working through. It’s really sweet, and a careful study at boundaries and the building of a relationship. I actually stumbled across this while looking for another with the same name and ended up pleasantly surprised. Kacchan can has a little validation, as a treat.

4/20 is a national holiday - Ereri_Garbage (

Summary: Izuku is a drug dealer that doesn't really accept the fact he's a drug dealer, Katsuki is hot as hell as shouldn't be allowed a facebook.

Happy (Late) birthday Katsuki and happy (late) 4/20. I actually half assed an edit on this one so it took longer to post than I thought it would.

Uummmm lmao yes I have a sense of humor. ;ALDSKJFLSKDJF Okay, I say that, but this is not a crack fic, it’s a good story that I enjoy with good writing, and *it has mature, content, obviously for multiple reasons here. It’s rated as mature but there are borderline explicit moments imo. It’s a fun fic and funny, too! And, ngl, it really does remind me of college... But forget about me, the bakudeku is wonderful too of course :)

Drinking Watermelon - warschach (8906 words)

Summary: For whatever reason, maybe divine fate, Izuku turned and looked over his shoulder and waved to them.

Katsuki’s heart full on stopped right then, and his fingers forgot their duty on the rails, and his body neglected its job to keep Katsuki balanced.

Izuku’s summer sweet smile fell into concern as Katsuki went airborne and cracked his skull on the porch.

or Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Love it when people have Bakugou as absolutely enamored with Midoriya; it’s so good and true. Anyways this one makes me like summer camp story lines. It’s funny and also cute and great writing! *It’s got explicit content, just a heads up. Warschach stories just have this youthful 80′s vibe, I don’t know how else to explain it.

there are listed buildings - semiautomatichearts (3309)

Summary: Katsuki first sees colors bloom when he is only three years old. It is timid Izuku, hiding behind the cover of his mother's leg who looks upon him with wide eyes, and Katsuki's world explodes in shades of greens and pinks and blues, and he is so startled, he begins to cry.

His life is then on defined in color, in shades his peers can't see, by the forlorn, timid stare in Izuku's eyes that always lets off more than he is willing to tell. There is a schism driven between himself and his fated other, and Katsuki strives to be better than fate, better than what is defined for him. He is more than the written pages of a book, to be cracked open and read by the gods.

He wonders if it is possible for colors to bloom for someone who will never love you back.

Ah...soulmates :) So interesting how bakudeku fits into soulmate aus like this one when they’ve known each other as kids! And when they’ve had this complex push and pull thing going on all their lives! The writing is beautiful, and so is the story!

Promise Ring - bkdkwritingsdump (3579)

Summary:  The midwest in the 1950′s is no place for boys who like kissing boys: something Izuku and Katsuki know all too well growing up there. However, the undeniable bond between the nervous science geek and the aloof delinquent will still find a way to blossom in such a desert.

Cute, sweet, makes my gay heart ache. Longing not just for the one you love, but just to feel right loving them. Very pretty story line, lovely story telling!

Fics 10k - 30k:

Fishy - warschach (19417 words)

Summary: Izuku’s convinced his hot co-worker/neighbor, Katsuki, is a mermaid-or merman- you gotta consider genders even with mythical creatures- and plans to prove it.

(or this is kinda like the show ‘Monster Quest’, except Izuku actually finds said monster, falls in love, and have sexy times.)

Another warschach! I love this one, I love how they write bakudeku, particularly as college students, their stories (at least, the ones that I’ve read) always feel so warm, like a summer’s day, but not a lazy one, one that’s playful? If that makes sense? *This one is explicit, another heads up!

Manage Me - Justaperson1718 (10756 words)

Summary: Izuku caught himself moving forward, his head tilted somewhat to the side, and his eyes shot wide open. His gaze met Katsuki’s half-lidded eyes now that he was no longer in a dreamlike state, and seeing the way Katsuki was looking at him—waiting for him—made him realize Katsuki would’ve let him do it. He might have even wanted him to do it.

“You’re both doing fabulous!” the photographer called out to them, packing his camera into his bag and getting ready to leave. “I just got word that what we have now should be good, so we’ll stop there. Thank you for your time! Lock the door on your way out after you change.”

The pair stayed frozen in place, with Izuku’s arms around Katsuki’s neck and Katsuki’s hands resting on Izuku’s waist, while the photographer and his supervisor left.

“Kacchan,” Izuku cooed once they were gone. “Did you want to…?”

Love the story, love the bakudeku! Very, very good bakudeku TT_TT very sweet *There is some mature content in here as well

point to a map (we’ve been there) - cosmicfuss (10589 words)

Summary: Serendipity / sĕr″ən-dĭp′ĭ-tē Serendipity is the occurrence of an unplanned fortunate discovery. Two men find themselves on a subway, hot coffee on one while the other is in the middle of a screaming match. After that they can't seem to stop finding each other, no matter how far they go.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this fic owns my entire soul. I love the story, the ease of their relationship, just how lovely they are together. It’s another kind of nice, fluffy fic you’d read on a bad day where you come home and curl up in a blanket and listen to a ten hour video of thunderstorm white noise. *Again, some more mature content in here

Partners - tsukithewolf (13619 words) Another series! Two parts to this one this time

Summary: It is said that in Musutafu there is a charm that one can buy at a temple that will lead you to your destined partner. They say that if the charm works, you would be able to follow the red string of fate to the person you were meant to be with. And if the person returns your feelings, they would be able to see the string as well, proving that both were meant to be.

Three-year-old Katsuki and Izuku misunderstand what the word "partner" means and discover the charm and the rumor behind it is not only true, but more than expected.

Gets a little heavy, depression, bullying, suicidal thoughts, etc. But it must get worse before it gets better, that kind of thing. I also just adore the second part (called Bond) - maybe because it’s much fluffier, what about it?

Learning Curve - iknewaman (10304 words)

Summary: “Izuku.” Uraraka repeats as she motions at the person stood next to her. Green curls, average height, and, well. Up close, not such a bad smile. Uraraka points a thumb at Bakugou and enunciates slowly, “This is Bakugou. He can speak sign language too.”

Wait. Sign language?

The stranger— well, Izuku— looks at him with a raised brow. Their free hand lifts up as they make a slight motion of the hand.‘

Really?’

*

Bored out of his mind at a house party one night Bakugou is introduced to Izuku, a deaf student who offers to help teach Bakugou sign language in exchange for a favour-- or well, is prompted into asking for a favour.

Ah, I really want to explain this one a little bit? I’d never been into fanfiction ever, only really getting into it with these boys. This was the second one I read, I remember, and it caught me off guard, and it intrigued me. It really surprised me as to what fanfiction could be. Ngl I had biased perceptions of fanfics - I used to be one of those people who thought fanfiction could never be good writing - and this one slapped me in the face with it’s subtle beauty and creative story and heart melting capabilities, and very, very real relationship and growth. Anyways it’s so cute how happy Deku is to teach Kacchan sign language TT_TT Make sure to read the tags!

The Keeper and the Sun God’s Heir - SurelyHeavenWaits (12746 words)

Summary:  The Titans' have stolen something important from Izuku, heir of the Sun God, and he wants it back.

This one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one this one- Oh my god this one. Okay so what, I was a Percy Jackson kid, what about it? I love the mythical aus, particularly the god ones. But beyond that, the writing is so beautiful, just like the world, and the imagery. The bakudeku...absolutely stunning. The story itself? Incredible. Cannot recommend more. *There is explicit content in this, though I will say, it’s all in the last chapter, and all of the story is in the first two chapters. There’s also a second part as it’s a series and it’s short but it’s cute and sweet TT_TT

seven days - aaAAAaaahhhhHHHHH (10094 words)

Summary: There’s something about the green haired boy, an aura that just drew Katsuki in before he even knew his name.

[Sometimes your mind forgets, but your heart remembers]

Heed my warning: DON’T read this in front of other people. I bawl every time I read this one TT_TT I know I said I don’t like angst but AJLSKDFJALSKDFJ it has a hopeful ending! I mean yeah you’re gonna cry but...hope? :’) (that username really says it all tbh)

Fics 30k+

Notice me, nerd - useless_donut (40000 words)

Summary: Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out.

Will the class of 3-A survive the sexual tension? Who will snap first? Someone put Bakugou out of his misery, please, before everyone else dies of second-hand embarrassment.

(a love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A)

Love the idea of Bakugou being brazen and brash, cause yeah, he is. So fucking funny though how that translates to him flirting. Gotta say, thought I was gonna cringe, but his “I’m gay af” outfit really ended up being A Look. Love the mutual pining, it really is strong in this one. *Okay, mature content in this one lads.

While You Were Sleeping - Belkacaramelka (71197 words)

Summary: The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Quirkless AU based on the film; endgame BakuDeku. -- Katsuki didn’t know when the change had happened: how he had gone from asking why Todoroki chose Deku of all people, to wondering why it was Todoroki that Deku chose. Troublesome Deku, who cooed like an idiot at cats, tripped at a random catcall and sang badly. Who, despite everything, proved that it wasn’t the quirk that defined a person. Deku, who was too much, not his, and undeniably off limits to begin with.

Update: Epilogue added

*This one has mature content. If you can, please, for the love of god, read this fic. It’s like, tied with my favorite bkdk fic perhaps ever. It’s based on the movie of the same title, a nineties romcom with Sandra Bullock, but Belkacaramelka has so effortlessly made it into it’s own story, fit it so perfectly inside of the bnha world. I definitely stayed up until 6:30am reading this one. It’s got such good badass Midoriya, who is also sweet, and really really good reconciliation between bakudeku.

All Gifted - fitzefitcher (39129 words)

Summary: The thing about gifts is that they're meant to be given, they're meant to be shared; so Izuku will take his gifts, so freely given to him, and share them with all he holds dear.

Izuku is born without any gifts, as his kind often are, to a witch mother and salamander father, on one sweltering night in July.

This one is unfinished...and I highly doubt it will ever be. But what has been written is incredible. Once again, I’m a sucker for the magic/mythical creatures aus. But the relationship is great! The characterization is great! The found family trope that was building up is great!

under a hollow sun - umbrage (40572 words)

Summary: Midoriya is cursed with emptiness.

Misfortune leads him to a man of ancient magic and endless rage.

To stop an unfathomable evil, their mismatched halves must become whole.

Uuuggghhhh this was so good! I don’t think it’s going to be finished either :( Once again, fantasy au, more amazing writing, on point characterization, incredible pacing, makes you hungry for more story.

all the savage soul requires - majjale (58032 words)

Summary: Bakugou seems to have exhausted his patience for words and no longer acknowledges that Midoriya exists, so Midoriya crosses his legs, stares down at his hands limned in firelight, and makes a list of things he knows.

One. His name is Midoriya Izuku.

Two. He is a Godmarked, future god of life, heir to the divine throne.

Three. The gods have been fighting Death for eons, and now he's coming for recompense with everything he’s got.

This is majjale, so of course, the writing is more than beautiful; it’s absolutely breathtaking. This may be my favorite fic ever - unfortunately I don’t think it will ever be finished either TT_TT There’s the gods/fantasy au, which you know by now I love. But the characterization of our two boys is absolutely perfect, and I mean that as literally as possible. And the story being crafted between the two, the memory loss, the obvious history muddled by it all, it was so dense, and the PINING, so incredibly written, flowing so naturally. It wasn’t even close to being done, but it was wonderful, still is wonderful. 

My Writing: (You can skip this if you hate shameless self promotion)

You’re too damn flicking cute (1815 words)

Summary:  Bakugou is certain his shitty boyfriend is instigating kisses. Maybe it doesn't help that he keeps giving them away like it's a damn going out of business sale, but the stupid nerd is too fucking cute. Either way, like everything else, this is a competition, and he's going to win it.

Please don’t read this unless you’re going to the dentist afterwards! I’ve been told it’s so sweet it’ll give you instant cavities >_>;;;;

Bakugou Katsuki, you smooth motherfucker (10118 words)

Summary: Everyone around him knows that Bakugou Katsuki has a very special way with words. To the untrained ear he is loud and crass; to those that speak Kacchan, he is caring and inspiring. Yet there are rare moments, moments so fleeting you blink and you miss them, where Bakugou’s words pierce straight through Midoriya’s chest, and surprise everyone around him.

Goddammit, if only he would say them to Midoriya’s face.

Or, the five times Bakugou said something nice about Midoriya, and the one time he said something kind to him (but that was too long of a title).

I think most would consider this my best published fic; it’s one of those snapshot fics, “the five times where x did this, and the one time where they didn’t.” The recurring comment I get on this one is both of them being super in character, so I think that’s it’s defining characteristic! Bakugou and Midoriya have never known a life without the other, and in a perfect world, they never will.

Here, let me fix that (11247 words)

Summary: Bakugou honestly never thought he’d see Deku ever again. And now that they were together in this tiny compartment, alone for the next two and a half minutes, he had no clue what to say. He’d just apologized, right? So perhaps he could leave it at that and carry on with the original plan to never see the green-haired man that reminded him of dense forests, late night adventures, and tear-stained faces, ever again.

Ha! Who is he kidding? These bitches are soulmates.

I’ve gotten some critiques on this one, so sorry in advance if it’s not to your liking! Basically, what if Midoriya never got his quirk? Obviously, life would find a way to put them together because, as previously stated, these bitches are soulmates.

Plenty of Time (16654 words)

Summary: Bakugou found what little sleep he got restless and filled with nightmares that he forgot the second he opened his eyes. Tonight was the first time in a long time where he just had a normal dream - and it happened to be about Deku.

How fucking typical.

In other words, two dorks realize they have feelings for each other but don't know what to do about said feelings.

Ah, my first fic. Very simple, boys being boys, kinda like a slow burn? Idk how to explain this one, just boys figuring out their feelings and trying to figure out what to do about them. Been told these two are a little stupid but I think that’s valid.

We’re all time bombs waiting to explode (39223 words)

Summary: We have now entered the slipstream of time, into an alternate dimension where it neither is, nor isn’t, the 80’s. Two teenagers, burdened with the weight of adolescence in the modern world, find themselves struggling side by side, in part because of each other.

Bakugou, the most popular boy in school, has everything he could possibly want; status, power, and an unbreakable will. Having been dragged along behind him all the way to the top, Midoriya can’t help but wonder how (and why) he ended up standing beside his childhood friend-turned bully-turned friend again, weighed down by their complicated past and present. As the tension between them grows every day, and the arrival of a new, pretty face causes it to peak, it won’t be long before something - or someone - snaps.

I am...very bad at titles, and summaries apparently. This was my Heathers au, but it very quickly diverges from the original (I don’t do sad endings....) *This one has mature content, including implied sexual activity, drug use, and underage drinking, along with other heavy topics; please read the tags! Though tbh Midoriya is 17 for a couple weeks before it hits his birthday halfway through, so keep that in mind I guess? I kind of went heavy with this one, but I think the pay off was immense. This is the one with the most amount of comments stating it’s their favorite bkdk fic ever (and I cry). It’s a rough start, with a rough journey, but so is bakudeku! There’s a lot of petty drama, and then all of a sudden it’s Not That Petty and very much Far Too Real. Many have cried reading the ending, I cried writing it. My sister says it’s her favorite of mine. Now, I did kind of push this out without polishing it so much because I was losing my willpower, so if it feels lacking, that’s one hundred percent my fault.

Okay that was a lot! It took me a couple days...I hope I wasn’t too annoying with all my opinions! Please have a nice day. and enjoy some good reads, even if they aren’t the ones in this post!

[lotusjwy]

"Just leave me ALONE" for Xicheng? Preferably if LXC says it JC? Preferably in public or in front of wangxian and the juniors ? E.g. JC is the only one, who notices LXC is having a bad day and he more or less subtlely tries to get him to talk ? But LXC tries to be fine cause he is out of seclusion so he can't still have bad days'?

But if you have another idea do that! no pressure ! Thanks in advance !

hello there, the way this is so specific has been killing me for DAYS 😂  I had to send screenshots to my friend bc of how specific it is dude, like I love that you know exactly what you want bc it makes my brain not have to work as hard, but BRO dskjfhkasd why do u like to see my boy suffer So much 😭😭😭 

i hope this lives up to ur expectations!!! 🥰

It had been a long day. A long and tiring day, so if he lost his temper, he couldn’t be blamed, right? He just wanted to go back home and play the flute, perhaps sleep a little, but he was absolutely done with spending time with everyone else. So, why did he find himself still in the company of so many people? Why was he still sitting here with Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Jiang Wanyin and a handful of juniors? Why?

This was all Wei Wuxian’s fault, he was the one that insisted everyone spend more time together. Xichen already saw plenty of Wei Wuxian, Wangji, Sizhui and Jingyi, as well as often seeing Jiang Wanyin and Jin Rulan, due to sect business. If anything, the only person here that Lan Xichen rarely saw was Ouyang Zizhen, and it wasn’t as if he’d spent much of the day speaking to him.

Jiang Wanyin had taken it upon himself to seat himself down next to Lan Xichen, talking to him, hoping that he could get to the root of why the other had been acting differently. “You’ve been quiet all day, which is completely fine, I get that. Sometimes everyone is a bit too much to handle, but Wei Wuxian insists on family bonding, whatever the fuck that me-”

And he just would not stop talking, he’d been talking for so long, all day, when would he stop. “Just leave me alone. You keep speaking to me as if I’ve shown any indication that I wish to continue this conversation. You’re quick to call Wei Wuxian a chatterbox and an annoyance, yet have you ever looked inward?!” When he was met with a stunned silence, he realised something was incredibly wrong.

Oh. Oh no. He had said that out loud, hadn’t he? Well, he couldn’t take it back now, and he had wanted to be left alone. It wasn’t his fault Jiang Wanyin wasn’t taking the hint. Xichen did feel a little bad, when he saw the hurt expression on lJiang Cheng’s face, that abruptly was wiped from his face, only to be replaced by a blank face.

“Apologies, Zewu-jun. I appear to have overstepped.” He stood and gave the other a stiff bow, before leaving the room, not looking or speaking to anyone, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.  

Wei Wuxian stood awkwardly after his brother had left the room, wanting to follow him out, but knowing that the other probably wanted to be alone right now. He also knew that he shouldn’t be the one going to ensure he was okay, “Xichen-ge…”

“I am aware, no need to scold me.” Lan Xichen’s voice was terse, knowing that everyone in the room was staring at him in shock, possibly all wanting to scold him for his behaviour.

“Jiujiu was only trying to make sure that you were okay. Talking helps sometimes, you know. He rarely reaches out to people like that, but he did to you.” Everyone here knew his uncle’s temper, just as well as they knew how much he cared, if anyone here didn’t know that, then they shouldn’t be here. They didn’t belong here.

Lan Sizhui put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Jin Ling, should you be saying this here?” He knew that Jin Ling was cross with Zewu-jun, but he didn’t want the other saying anything that he may regret later on.

“It’s nothing everyone here doesn’t already know about him.” He scoffed out, his voice dripping with disdain towards Sect Leader Lan. How dare he take his uncle’s kindness for granted.

Xichen tuned out the remainder of the conversation, thinking about the mess he had put himself in. It wasn’t that he disliked Jiang Wanyin, quite the opposite actually, and yet here he was near yelling at him in front all of their friends and family. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been stuck in his thoughts before he realised that he was being spoken to by Jin Rulan again.

“Well? Are you just going to sit here and wallow in your stupid misery, or are you going to go apologise?” There was a fiercely protective look in the younger’s eyes, showing that he’d physically fight the other, even if it meant losing, for his uncle’s honour.

“Jin Ling!” Wei Wuxian sent a sharp look to the younger, inwardly cursing that Jin Ling seemed to have inherited his mother’s fierce protective nature. He felt the same, but he also had the sense of knowing that saying everything you felt could backfire on you within seconds.

“Don’t get mad at me for being mad at him! He was being an assh-” the rest of whatever he was going to say being smothered by Lan Jingyi’s hand, which was conveniently blocking any other derogatory words that Jin Ling may want to speak.

“Alright, alright, young mistress, it’s okay. Let’s calm down now. He’ll go apologise now.” Lan Jingyi gave his sect leader a pointed look, as if telling him that if he didn’t leave to go find Sect Leader Jiang right now, then he would release his friend and let him unleash his full anger at him.

With a stiff nod, Lan Xichen left towards the direction Jiang Wanyin had stalked off to. He found the other leaning on a tree, staring up at the sky, seemingly lost in thought. He slowly approached the other, contemplating how to best bring attention to himself.

“I-” He jumped slightly, when he was cut off, not realising that Jiang Cheng had even noticed him approaching.

“Save it. No need to apologise, I know you were bullied out here.” His voice blunt and to the point, void of any emotion, as if he were trying to protect himself. 

Xichen was stunned silent, not knowing how to respond to that. He had been told to come apologise, so it wasn’t as if he could refute that. “Oh.”

Jiang Cheng sighed and shook his head. He had guessed that his nephew and brother had made the other come out here and apologise, but he was hoping that Lan Xichen had wanted to come out on his own accord. Evidently not. And why should he? It’s not as if Jiang Cheng was someone that was important to Lan Xichen. All he’d done was annoy him today.

Lan Xichen walked closer to the other, offering him an apologetic look, “whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong.”

“I find that hard to believe.” How could he be wrong, when all signs pointed to his conclusions? He’d been annoying, when he hadn’t intended to be. He’d been compared to Wei Wuxian of all people.

“I’m sorry.”

And for what it was worth, he did sound very apologetic, but Jiang Cheng didn’t seem to believe it. “I said save it.”

“You did. However, I do genuinely mean it.” Xichen looked at the other, focusing on how the other was mindlessly fidgeting with Zidian. I’m making him uncomfortable. “I was told to come out and find you, yes, but I would have apologised on my own. I wouldn’t have left it li-”

“Don’t worry, Sect Leader Lan, I won’t let this hinder our sect relations. I’m not so petty so as to do anything that was affect either of our sects, for a personal matter.” Jiang Cheng cut off Lan Xichen, yet again, seemingly realising why the other had gone out of his way to come out to apologise.

“That’s not-” Lan Xichen was beginning to grow very sick of being cut off midsentence.

“I won’t interfere with any of the trade agreements we have existing already, nor any that we may broker in the future.” Jiang Cheng was rambling now, thinking of anything he could, to ensure Lan Xichen that he didn’t want their sects to fall out with each other. “Oh, we were discussing having our junior disciples have an excha-”

“Would you shut up?” If the other would just stop sprouting out useless information, this conversation could end less painfully than it needs to be, instead Jiang Wanyin seemed to want to draw it out.  

Jiang Cheng blinked in shock, his mouth falling open. That was the second time he’d made Lan Xichen burst out in anger like that. Wow, he must really hate me.

“If you would just let me speak! I do not dislike you, nor do I think that this should affect our sects standings with each other.” Xichen’s voice was strained, as he struggled to keep his frustrations with Jiang Wanyin at bay.

Jiang Cheng simply nodded in response, “of course not.”

“You don’t believe me.” Disbelief coating his voice, he stared at the other with narrowed eyes.

“I…” he struggled to find a way to word this, without being insulting or rude, “I believe that you do not wish this to affect our sect standings. Nor do I.”

“But you believe that I dislike you.” He put it bluntly, not enjoying the circles they were seeming to go in this conversation.

With a shrug, he nodded. There wasn’t much else he could say on it, it’s not as if he could make his own beliefs go away with the snap of a finger.

“And nothing I say could convince you otherwise?” Xichen was close to losing it at the other again, not knowing how to change the direction of this conversation. “Not even our past relationship with each other, prior to this evening?”

“Sect Leader Lan is a kind man. He gives chances to those who do not deserve them. I simply overstepped my boundaries tonight.” Jiang Cheng was looking up at the moon, his voice void of any emotion as he spoke.  

With a sigh, Lan Xichen moved to stand in front of the other, needing to capture his attention somehow. “And sometimes he simply has bad days, that have nothing to do with those around him.” He said it lightly, but his face showed that he was being serious. It really had been a bad day that had come an unfortunate end.

“But I didn’t help.”

“No, you didn’t. But I should have verbalised that, instead of ignored you.” Thinking about it for a moment, he added on something else, “which is why you kept speaking to me. Other times your company and conversation has kept me from my bad days, it was only safe for you to believe that it would be okay today. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Hmm.” He only hummed in response, as if he didn’t want to accept that he played no fault in the situation.  

“I don’t know what else I can do to convince you otherwise. I promise you that we are okay. As long as you can forgive me for speaking to you like that.” Right. Apologising was what he’d come out here to do in the first place.

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes and looked at the other incredulously, “of course I forgive you, I was being fucking annoying and sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.”

Lan Xichen shook his head almost immediately, “I’d argue out of everyone we’ve been with today, it is  a place where you are welcome to stick your nose into. I should have communicated that I wanted silence, it wasn’t your fault.”

When Jiang Cheng didn’t respond, Xichen sighed and nodded, “fine, I can see that this will take some time to move past. But can we do that? Forget about tonight, learn to better communicate with each other? A relationship wouldn’t be possible otherwise.” He quickly turned away from the other, choosing to stare up at the sky, instead of seeing the disbelief on Jiang Cheng’s face at what he had just said. He had more or less confessed his feelings.

Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened in shock as he processed what he had just heard, his cheeks beginning to burn at the implications. He coughed into his fist, “uh, yes. We can do that.”

[springday-aus]

SVT’s Dino: Just Another Foodie Call

—

Fic Piece Written By: Admin Grandma of @springday-aus

Main Characters: Y/N [fem. reader] and Seventeen’s Dino [Lee Chan]

Other Characters: Seventeen members [Minghao, Seungkwan, Vernon], oddball dates [multi-group + multi-members: ATEEZ’s Hongjoong, GOT7′s Bambam, and NCT’s Jungwoo], and Yeri (Red Velvet)

Genre: romance, comedy, college!au, waiter!Chan

Type: one-shot writing piece

Word Count: approx. 6.5k

Plot Summary: first dates are always awkward, but not for you. In fact, you actually became a master of them. But, what are all of these dates for? Easy answer: free food. Now that you think about it, there’s only one other person who seems to know your real motives—Chan, a waiter from your favorite restaurant. 

“—so, the best time to buy stocks is once a pandemic hits.” 

“Hmmm…” You nod along, as your date continues to ramble on and on about business. You make an effort to maintain some eye contact, in order to seem as if you were engaged in the conversation. In reality, you were wondering how far along they were making your food. Usually, they would be platting at this moment, but it is a Saturday—meaning the dinner rush was just getting started. 

“At that time, they’re lower, therefore cheaper.”

You continue to hum, not really listening to what he says, but trying to seem attentive to his words. You try to remember: look a bit interested in conversation and that’s enough to keep a guy’s attention. You glance up at him, taking in how animated he is as he talks. 

But, then again, he seems to be able to maintain this conversation on his own. 

You find yourself thinking: what was his name again? You glance down to the table, where his unofficial business card lays. Ah, right—Hongjoong. He’s a year above you. Business major, obviously something you picked up from the conversation alone. On the bright side, you didn’t have to worry about when you ran into him in the future. 

Just as he’s diving in further about the importance of stocks and investments, the entree plates finally come out and are set in front of the both of you. You mouth a thank-you to the waiter, who gives you a polite smile in return. 

Hongjoong continues to talk. “Then, as things become back to normal, the rates start to go back up and you get more than what you originally paid for. The only issue is time and how long it—” 

Jesus, these noodles look so beautiful covered in the sauce. Only God knows what the hell is in it, but it’s delicious nevertheless. The toppings are equal in distribution and the garnish looks perfect, as if the peak of the flavor mountain in front of you. Yes. This. This is why you are here. 

For a moment, you think you could cry. You’ve been waiting all week for these noodles. You take a glance at Hongjoong, who continues to ramble on and on about... savings? Did he move on from the other thing? Or was it bonds? Honestly, you’d stopped paying attention after he started promoting about the benefits of a savings account to you. 

In your category of first dates, you’d put Hongjoong in the chatterbox section, which means you can catch a break from these weekly dates. Yeah, he’s boring, but he’s a super nice guy—from what you can tell, you know he’ll pay for the meal. You almost feel bad about using him. Almost. 

Lifting your fork, you twirl a good amount of the noodles and drown it further into the sauce on the plate. Yes, come to mama. You carefully lift the fork to your mouth, trying not to shove it into your mouth like some goddamned animal. Once that first bite hits, you almost melt on the spot. God, that really makes the wait worth it. 

The night continues on and Hongjoong, eventually, starts to eat—after he asks your opinion on how to survive an economic crisis. Frankly, you can’t remember much to what happened on the date so far. You must have tuned out more than you originally thought. But, then again, when do you ever remember what happens on these dates? Except for a special case, a guy named Cameron (aka, he who shall not be named), every other guy tends to be forgotten about. 

As normal, you clear your plate—it’s clean of your food and you sigh with content. Your cravings have been satisfied. You wait for Hongjoong to finish eating, chatting him up to give some type of entertainment for the dinner. You use as much small talk as you can, from the weather updates to the different types of food served here. 

Near the end of the meal, as he finishes his plate, you smile up at him as politely as you can. “Shall we get the check and head out?” 

He returns the smile with one of his own. “Yes, that sounds good. It’s—” He checks his watch. “—about 6:30, which means the traffic shouldn’t be as bad right now. I can accompany you back to your apartment.” 

He calls over the waiter, asking for the bill. Once it’s laid on the table, you slowly grab your purse and reach for your wallet, but you don’t really get a grip on your card to actually pay. 

“No need (Y/N),” he says. “I got it.” 

You give another smile, which seems more genuine than any other smile you’ve had tonight. Trying to hide your satisfaction, you furrow your eyebrows to feign concern. “Are you sure, Hongjoong?” 

“Of course,” he says. “Women can pay, but it doesn’t mean they should.” He lays his shiny card on the black tray. “Especially on a first date.” 

He gives another smile with his pearly whites and you have to hold back a smirk. 

Men are idiots. 

The sun shines particularly bright this morning. Now that you’re out, you regret making plans before noon. You open the door to the familiar campus cafe, retreating to your usual corner—where Minghao and Seungkwan are waiting for you. 

You take a seat in front of them, ungracefully throwing your bag onto the empty seat next to you. Without a word, you slowly place your head onto the table and into your arms. The two put a halt to their conversation, noting your negative aura. Seungkwan pushes the iced latte towards you—not close enough, in fear of you knocking it over. 

Minghao takes an unnecessarily long sip of his iced americano before speaking. “So, how’d the Saturday night date go?” he asks. 

Seungkwan nods along and uses his spoon to cut a part of his strawberry cake. “Oh yeah, what was he like? Did you have fun?” 

You lift your head and lean against your chair, feeling a migraine start to form from the subject alone. “He was fine. He was just… more boring than I anticipated.” 

“So, no second date?” Minghao asks. 

“Most likely.” 

“Dude,” Seungkwan says. “When has there ever been a second date for (Y/N)?” He sets down the spoon on his plate—looking at you now. “How many dates have you been on now?” 

“Enough.” You take a sip of your coffee. “Stop calling me out like this. Y’all are lucky I came.” 

Seungkwan scoffs at your statement, going back into his cake. 

“We knew you would be easily lured out by free coffee,” Minghao says. He shakes his head, not even trying to hide his disappointment. 

“Stop looking at me like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“That judgey face—the situation is just..” You purse your lips and try to find your words, but end up lost in another train of thought. “Just, shut up.” 

You grumble into your cup, more to yourself than them. “You just don’t understand the situation.” 

They both raise an eyebrow at you. “Then make us understand,” Minghao says. He takes another long sip of his drink. 

“Listen, in this patriarchal society, I am put at a disadvantage.” 

“And this is related... How?” Seungkwan asks. 

“I’m a broke college girl, who’s not unattractive,” you say. “What’s wrong with using it a little?” 

“You know,” Seungkwan says. “There is a term for it. Instead of a booty call, it’s known as a foodie call.”

“Hm,” you say. “I like that.” 

“Foodie calls over booty calls,” Minghao says. “Classy.” 

“That’s the goal.” 

“So, who’s your next date with?” Seungkwan asks. 

You shrug, taking another sip of your coffee. “Right now, I’m still looking. We’ll just have to see.” You pull out your phone, scrolling through your messages. “Most of them are upperclassmen who don’t know what they’re getting into.” 

“Update us on that,” Minghao says. “Because we need to know the poor chump your sapping money out of.” 

“Hey!” You cross your arms. “Stop making me seem like a gold-digger. It’s just dinner, not a Gucci purse.” 

“Do you want a Gucci purse?” Seungkwan asks. 

You shrug. “I mean if it comes with the dinner, I’m not complaining.” 

“Is that technically gold-digging?” 

“I don’t think so…” 

You originally started this whole operation because of your favorite noodle dish at your favorite restaurant: Asianly Classics. There was only one problem—you couldn’t afford the dish every week. It’s not because it’s an extremely upscale place; it’s just because the business is local it means the menu is kind of… pricey. It doesn’t help either that it’s located in the city, meaning the prices are constantly rising. 

The first time you did it, it was unintentional. Your friend had been set up on a blind date and she couldn’t make it due to a prior engagement. So, she asked you for a favor and you went in her place. You weren’t sure of other places to go to, which led to you meeting him at Asianly Classics. He was super polite about the whole situation, especially since he insisted on paying for your meal because of the ‘inconvenience’ the date might have been—leading to your wonderful idea of the foodie calls. 

Deep down somewhere, you know it’s wrong to exploit these simple college boys. But, it’s hard not to because they’re... simple, college boys with two brain cells that are dying from classes and with reality hitting them hard. It’s just easier this way. 

It’s not like you’re a sugar baby (no disrespect to those women who are really stepping up their game though) or a booty call (no disrespect to the women who are having healthy, safe sex), so why were the guys making a big deal out of it? 

You break from your thoughts. “Even if I was a gold-digger, that’s none of your business.” 

Seungkwan playfully rolls his eyes at your words, then pulls out his laptop and opens it. “Well, speaking of business… We do have to work on our presentation for Intro to Investments 101.” 

You throw your head back, releasing an unladylike groan. Eventually, you sit back up and begrudgingly pull out your laptop. 

Minghao sits up, stretching his arms with his fingers interlocked. “I brought the notecards and pens. We can figure out who presents what once we sort it all out.” He sets out the materials on the table, opening a pen cap, and testing them out on a new notecard. 

“Curse uni for making this a required course,” Seungkwan whines. “I haven’t even been paying attention.” 

“When do you ever pay attention?” Minghao asks. 

“Don’t worry,” you say. You tap your temple twice, before pointing it back to them, as if to share your only brain cells left with them. “Saturday’s date taught me enough to compensate for our lack of attention span. That’s gotta count for something.” 

Minghao laughs. “I guess we’ll just have to see exactly how useful that information can be.” 

Another Saturday has rolled around and you sit at Asianly Classics once again. But, this time, you sit in front of a different date. Bambam sits with a leg crossing the other, as he talks animatedly about some party from last night. You can only smile at him, nodding along every once in a while to make it look as if you were paying any attention. 

“—it was so crazy! Jackson needs to stop making those crazy drinks because mixology is not a strength of his.” 

You let out a fake giggle and you prop your chin onto your hands, batting your eyelashes. “So what would be considered his strength?” 

“Anyone who knows him would say friendliness or something.” He takes a sip of his water. “But, what they don’t know is that he’s on the way to the Olympics for fencing. That reminds of this one time, where he….” 

As he starts up another story, you start to tune out once more. You will admit that this one is more entertaining than the last one. You’d trade fun college stories than financial tips any day—no offense to that other guy though. Bambam is a year older than that other guy, but by the way he’s talking, it’s hard to tell. 

Bambam continues to talk—meanwhile, you continue to nod along to his words, smiling and laughing when appropriate. 

“... that’s when he fell! One little poke and he just falls into the pool! Some athlete—he can’t even keep his balance! Phew, he’s a real funny guy.” 

You let out another fake laugh, glancing back towards the kitchen door. How long has it been since you ordered your food? 

Leaning back into your seat, you adjust your purse from behind you. You needed a breather from this one. You could feel your energy getting sapped from him. “Excuse me for a moment,” you say as you stand up. “I need to use the bathroom for just a second.” 

“Oh, of course,” he says. He sits himself up, uncrossing his legs as if he suddenly remembered he was in a public space and not some fraternity house. “Go ahead, take your time.” 

“Thanks,” you say with a smile. “I’ll be back soon.” You stand up, taking your bag with you. Your feet automatically take you down a familiar hallway where the bathrooms are located. Just as you are approaching the doors, you see a shadow of a figure—who addresses you before you fully acknowledged his presence. 

“Just where are you running off to?” 

Just outside the men’s bathroom, Chan leans against the wall with his phone in hand. He looks at you with a teasing smile and you can’t resist mirroring it. 

You click your tongue as you approach him. “And here I was, just wondering where my favorite waiter was.” You move yourself next to him, close enough to nudge his shoulder with your own. “I didn’t see you last week.” 

He chuckles. “I was here last weekend, same time” he says. “And the weekend before that, and the weekend before that. That’s kind of how jobs work. Just because you didn’t see me, doesn’t mean I wasn’t there.” 

“Ah, really?” you tease. “I had absolutely no idea.” You both stand there in silence for a second, before he speaks up again. 

“So, how’s the date going?” Chan asks. “Is he as bad as last week’s?” 

“Actually, he’s not that bad.” 

“Oh?” 

“He’s not as boring as the last one. That’s all I’m going to say.”

“I don’t think that it’s that hard considering what I overheard from last time—something about investing your stocks.” He tilts his head to the side with a playful glint in his eyes. “Are you investing in your stocks, (Y/N)?” 

You let out a little laugh. “I swear. Chan, you make these dates a little less worse.” 

“Thanks,” he says, flashing a smile at you. “You better get back out there before he thinks you crawled out the bathroom window.” 

“Psh, I would never.” 

He gives you a look, which you playfully roll your eyes to. You push yourself off from the wall and start to make your way back to your table. Chan turns his attention back to his phone. Without looking up, he waves as you start to leave. “Bye~” 

“I get the hint,” you say with a groan. You turn back to him. “And please let Paul know I would really like more sauce with my noodles?” 

He gives you a thumbs up. “As always.” 

“Thank youuuu.” You manage to move yourself away from the hallway and back to the dining area, where your date awaits. 

You give him a polite smile as you take back your seat. Ah, no food yet. “Sorry, if you waited long.” 

“Psh.” He waves off your comment. “I didn’t wait long. I hope you don’t mind though, I ordered some dessert while you were gone.” 

“I don’t mind dessert,” you say. You curl a piece of hair behind your ear. “Are we sharing it?” 

His mouth curves into an o-shape, realizing your concern. “Oh, we can share if you would like,” he says. “And don’t worry about the bill—since I ordered more, I’ll cover it.” 

You have to hide your smile. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” He pushes his rose-lens shades up and you have to resist rolling your eyes at his insistence of keeping them on while indoors. “It’s not fair to split it.” He gently takes your hand on the table. “It’s okay, (Y/N). Don’t worry about it—Oppa’s got the tab.” 

Oh, God, he used the o-word. You bite down your tongue and save the words for later. 

Looking away from him, you glance towards the other section of the restaurant, where Chan is serving a different table their food. He bows his head as you see him mouth ‘enjoy your meal.’ He makes eye contact with you, mouthing the question: ‘is he paying?’ You give him a discrete thumbs up underneath your table. 

Your attention is taken away from him, as your waiter comes over to set your food on the table. It looks just as beautiful as last week’s. Only this time, Paul had added some extra sauce, which drowned the noodles. You could cry from the beauty of this plate. 

“Your dessert will be served later,” your waitress says. “Thank you for your patience.” 

“Thank you,” you both say. 

Bambam immediately digs in. On the other hand, you look up to find Chan—where he’s already smiling at you. 

“How’d your date go?” Yeri asks. With a bit of skip in her step, her bookbag bounces along with her footsteps. 

You hug your textbooks closer to your chest and you reply with a bit of an exasperated sigh. “God, he was one more the more interesting ones.” 

“Who was it?” 

“That upperclassman named Bambam.” 

“I heard he’s a wild card.” 

“He is a wild card. The entire night he was just telling me all these wild stories about his friends, his parties and all that other crap. While he was more interesting than Hongjoong, I was so tired by the time our entrees got to the table.” 

Yeri sucks in a breath. “Sucks to suck, bro. You wanted to go on all these dates, so you have to face consequences of that choice.” 

You can’t say anything else because she’s right. You don’t really need to go on these dates, but if that means free food, why should you complain? 

The both of you continue your walk to the library, taking in the fresh air and atmosphere. You’d forgotten how big the campus is—or at least how long it takes to get from the dorms to the library center. Originally you had just met Yeri for lunch, but the both of you were invited to an impromptu study session with some others in your class and decided to walk there together. 

“On the bright side,” you say. “I saw Chan.” 

“Chan?” Her eyes narrow at you. “Isn’t that the waiter who likes you?” 

“No,” you say with a huff. “We’re just friends—acquaintances at least.” 

“Can you guys hurry the process because I made a bet with Doyeon you’d get together in, at least, a month.” 

“Yeri, you are such a dedicated friend.” 

She perks up, ignoring the sarcasm. “Why, thank you, (Y/N).”

You can only roll your eyes at her, but her smile only widens. 

“But seriously,” Yeri says. “You go on all these dates, complain about the guys, and yet, you talk more about Chan than you do about any of those other guys.” 

“Dude, I don’t even have his number. If we see one another, we talk and that’s it. I highly doubt it would go anywhere else.” 

“I’m just surprised that you two have been doing this dance for nearly four months and yet… nothing.” 

“You know, men and women can just be friends, right?” 

“Yeah, but you two are a different case,” Yeri says. “Considering how often you mention him. I haven’t even met him and that says something because I’ve met all of your friends.” 

“You haven’t met him because I literally don’t have his number. We just run into each other—we don’t plan anything.” 

“Well, I think there’s something.” 

“You always think there’s something.” 

“No, I—” 

“(Y/N)?” 

You and Yeri turn to see Chan, along with his friend, who holds a skateboard in one hand. You all stand near the entrance of the library; you two were going in and they were just leaving. 

Yeri’s clearly confused, but puts two and two together when your eyes light up. 

“Hey!” You step a bit closer to him, taking a look at his outfit. “I almost couldn’t spot you for a second. I’m so used to the uniform.” 

“Yeah, I am a bit more casual today, in case you haven’t been able to tell.” 

“Hmm,” you hum along with a teasing smile. “Were you going for broke student chic?” 

“Always.” He mirrors your smile with one of his own. You both stand there for a bit in your own bubble—with you ignoring Yeri’s smug look and Chan ignoring Hansol’s look of disappointment. 

“Oh, speaking of being broke,” you say. “You working this weekend?” 

“As always. You have another date on Saturday?” 

“As always.” 

“Who’s the poor sucker this time?” 

You roll your eyes at his words. “Maybe you’ll get to meet him this time. He’s really nice so we’ll see how it goes.” 

Chan lets out a small laugh, nodding along. “Alright, I got some plans so I’ll see you Saturday?” 

“I’ll be there.” 

“Bye.” 

“Bye.” You give him a little wave with your fingers as you step back next to Yeri. You head into the library, shushing Yeri and her little jabs about Chan.

Meanwhile, Hansol steps next to Chan, coming into his peripheral vision. He doesn’t say anything; he just shakes his head and clicks his tongue. 

“What, Hansol?” Chan asks. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Hansol sighs heavily, rubbing his temples. “You’re so whipped and you don’t even know it. I’m so sad for you.” He puts a hand on Chan’s shoulder. “Ignorance is bliss, my friend.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Nothing, nothing.” 

Chan gives him a look, before hesitantly speaking further. “It’s not like that, you know.” 

“Hmm, I’m sure it isn’t.” Hansol flashes a fake smile. “Now, now—let’s get to the dance studio. We still have to meet the others there.” 

“Okay, weirdo.” 

Saturday rolls around earlier than you had originally thought. You’d almost forgotten about the date until you had received Jungwoo’s text a couple of hours before. That text gave you enough time to quickly sort out and arrange your outfit (with the help of your roommate). So, by the time he shows up at your door, you easily manage to follow suit and head to the restaurant. 

Compared to the other dates you’ve had, you haven’t had one as polite as Jungwoo. He asks about you, along with your interests, when you ask about him. He opens doors for you and he even covered your head when you got in the car. You haven’t even been on the actual date yet, but you’re already having a great time. 

Right now, he drives down the familiar road to Asianly Classics. You both agreed on a radio station, which plays a soft melody to go along with the evening mood. He continues to ask you about this and that, the conversation flowing between you. 

You hadn’t even noticed you had already arrived. After he successfully parks, you both head out of the car and towards the main entrance. Jungwoo eyes the place, taking in the atmosphere and aroma. 

“I haven’t been here,” Jungwoo says. “Is the food good?” 

You give him a smile. “I recommend this place to everyone. Trust me, it’s great.” 

The both of you head inside, stopping at the podium. The host arrives and grabs two menus. “Table for two?” 

Jungwoo smiles at her. “Yes, thank you.” 

The both of you follow her through the restaurant and are seated into a comfortable booth in the corner. Jungwoo opens the menu and starts browsing, while you immediately open to the noodles page—already prepared as to what you were going to order. 

“Everything here looks good,” he says. “Is it wrong to order two appetizers, an entree and a dessert?” He asks with a playful glint in his eye. 

You let out a small laugh. “It would be worth it, trust me.” 

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I wouldn’t make you pay for all of that.” 

“Aha, well, thanks.” 

“Good evening, I’m Chan and I’ll be your server for this evening.” 

You look up from Jungwoo, from hearing Chan’s voice. Your jaw drops at his change of demeanor, hiding it behind the menu and away from Jungwoo’s eyes. He raises an eyebrow at you in response, dropping it once Jungwoo’s attention is on him. 

“Are there any appetizers you would like to order?” Chan asks. 

“Not at the moment,” Jungwoo says with a smile. “Unless I could be convinced?” He looks up from the menu to look at you. 

“I think I’m good,” you say. “But, if you want a recommendation, I would say the papaya salad is worth it.” 

“Another choice is the crab rangoon,” Chan says. “The chef uses her own secret recipe for the filling and it’s amazing.” 

“He’s right,” you say. You look from Chan to Jungwoo. “It is amazing.” 

“Well, damn,” Jungwoo says. He sets the menu down and looks at you once more. “I am convinced and will order the crab rangoon, along with the kimchi stew for my entree.” 

“Crab rangoon and kimchi stew,” Chan mutters as he writes. You have to stifle your giggles from his concentration on the pen and pad. When he looks up, your lips pressed together, holding back a smile. “The usual for you?” 

You nod. “Thank you, Chan.” 

“Please let me know if you need anything else,” Chan says with a smile. 

“Thank you.” 

“Thank you.” 

He takes your menus and gives you both another smile. With that, he walks back to the back to give your orders to the chef. Your eyes linger on his figure. He turns back once more and you give him another smile, before he turns away again. 

“So, you’re a regular here?” Jungwoo asks. 

Your attention focuses back on him. “Yeah, I come here often.” 

“I can tell,” Jungwoo says with a chuckle. “You two are close?” 

“Close enough,” you say. “You know, Chan goes to our university too.” 

“Really?” Jungwoo pokes his head up and tries to find Chan. “I thought he looked familiar.” 

“Yeah, he’s a dance major.” 

Jungwoo smiles, but there’s something about it that makes you tilt your head. “You seem to know a lot about him to just ‘come here often.’”

“Well, we do run into each other a lot at the library.” You try to think how often you talk to Chan. “And the dining halls.” Your head tilts. “And the university gym... I see him a lot more than I originally thought.” 

“Interesting, isn’t it?” Jungwoo asks. 

“Interesting how?” 

“Interesting how we start to pay attention to things when others point them out,” he says. He takes a sip of his water before speaking up once more. “Do what you will with that information.” 

“Exactly what do you think I should be doing with that information?” 

“Something that will get you done with all these fake dates and on one that you’d actually enjoy.” 

“I’m enjoying this date though,” you say. “Are you not enjoying this date?” 

“No, I’m enjoying it,” he says. “But I just want you to know, you should pay a bit more attention to those around you.” 

“What’d you mean?” 

“Just…” He shrugs, struggling to find the words. 

“Please don’t beat around the bush,” you say. 

“Okay, okay,” he says. “I just think you should be spending time on these dates with someone who you want to go on dates with…” 

“Like who?” 

His eyebrows raise at you and his head is tilting towards the direction of Chan, where he’s currently serving another table. 

You sigh, leaning your chin in your hand. “Why does everyone keep saying that? We’re… acquaintances, barely even friends.” 

“Really?” he asks. He crosses his arms. “You looked more excited to see him than you did me like twenty minutes ago.” 

You were already sick of Yeri talking about it and now, someone you’re on a date with? While you know your relationship with Chan is…. different, it really is just an acquaintanceship (if that’s even a thing). You literally don’t have his number, which means no plans are made—ultimately ruling friendship. On the other hand, you do appreciate the time you get with him, whenever you do run into him. Now that you think about it, your friends do make those weird faces (which you mostly ignore) whenever you talk to, or about, him. 

“... Did I?” 

He nods. “Look, (Y/N),” he says, leaning on the table. “It’s not my business, but... I wouldn’t mind getting my food to-go to, say, walk my dog.” He gives you a gentle smile, resting his hand on yours, as if for assurance. “Just say the word and I’ll go on a nightly walk with Obok; it’s up to you.” 

Your lips press, thinking for a bit. It’s rude to just ask Jungwoo to leave, so you could hang out with someone else. On the other hand…. 

Your eyes move away from Jungwoo’s and focus on Chan, who’s a couple of tables behind him. His eyes are in little crescents, as he laughs from a joke his co-worker makes. His nose is scrunched up and his decorative glasses are just on the edge of his nose. While his hair is slightly messy, his waiter uniform is nice and orderly, showcasing his legs and fit waist. 

Looking back to Jungwoo, you give him a smile, lightly squeezing his hand. You couldn’t think of anything else to say, so you say the only thing that comes to mind. “Thanks, Jungwoo.” 

He taps the table and gives you another smile. Wordlessly, he stands up and gives you (what he believes is) a discreet thumbs up. He walks towards the counter and chats with the host there, probably asking for his meal to be boxed. On the other hand, Chan gets back to your table once your date has left. 

“What happened to him?” Chan asks with a pout. “He was cool.” 

You innocently shrug your shoulders. “He said he has to walk his dog, so…” 

“Sorry about your date.” He gives a half smile, as he sits down at the empty seat in front of you. “At least he’s still paying.” 

You stifle a laugh. “I feel kind of bad.” You pause, glancing at Jungwoo’s back. “He’s been really nice to me and I was actually having a good time.” 

“Well,” Chan says. “I’m assuming you still want your food?” 

“Of course,” you say. “I’m not going to decline free food.” 

He can’t hold back his smile, shaking his head along with it. “Why would I think so otherwise?” He gets up. “Don’t worry, it’s gonna be out soon.” 

You give him another smile and he walks off to check on your meal. On the other hand, Jungwoo walks out with a paper bag in one hand and waves you goodbye with the other. 

You think about what Jungwoo’s said… maybe you should just ask Chan out and see how things go. Honestly, there isn’t much for you to lose—considering that you don’t share classes or friends. 

As you were mentally trying to weigh your pros and cons, your thoughts are interrupted as your plate is set in front of you. Your head snaps towards Chan, who looks down at you with a soft smile. 

“Enjoy your meal, (Y/N).” 

“Thanks.” 

Just as he turns away, you grab onto his wrist. He turns back. 

“Something wrong?”

“Uh.” You blink, not fully processing what you’d just done. “Sorry.” You let go of his arm. “That was kind of aggressive.” 

He only smiles. “You’re okay. Did you need something else?” 

You let out an awkward chuckle. “Um, when do you get off tonight?” 

“You’re lucky,” he says. “I get off around 7:30.” He gives you a questionable look. “Why?” 

“You wanna hang out after your shift?” 

There’s a light blush on his cheeks and he clears his throat. “Um, sure, if you want to.”

“I’m not trying to pressure you or anything,” you say. “I just thought we could spend some time together…” 

He gives a smile that gets bigger and bigger with each second, which you can’t help but to mirror. “Yeah, no. I, uh—I’d like that.” 

“Okay.” Your smile grows. “Just let me know, okay?” 

“Okay, and don’t worry,” he says. “I’ll pay, especially since I know how much you love men paying for you.” 

“Oh my god, shut up. Just because a couple of guys pay for dinner—” 

“Uh-huh, a couple. Maybe a couple dozen.” 

You close your eyes, trying to manage your breathing. You lean on the table, glancing up at him. “Chan, you’re lucky I like you.” 

Chan smiles before turning back around, unable to stop the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“This place is so cool,” you say. You spin a bit in your stool, but manage to maintain eye contact with Chan. “How’d you know about this place?” 

“I used to work here during high school,” he says, fiddling with his fingers. “It was really fun because it was literally just high schoolers and college kids. Our boss was the only ‘mature adult’ and she didn’t come around often.” 

You hum, taking in the old ice cream parlor. It’s designed to look like a diner—almost like Oberweis. A checkered pattern of red and white squares and triangles filled the top half of the walls, which your eyes couldn’t help but to follow around. The corners of the ice cream shop have some faux marble decorations on little white shelves, along with the lining of the walls, making it a bit more old-fashioned.

The burgundy colored booths are placed along the walls, which seated families, couples, and friends. Meanwhile, the larger space is occupied with small, round, white tables with red chairs, on top of a black and white checkered floor. You and Chan sit on stools that are placed along the countertop, waiting for your orders to arrive. 

He’s still in his uniform, but the top few buttons are unbuttoned (which you may or may not have stared at as he did it) and his bowtie is completely undone, laying on his shoulders. He keeps his glasses on, even though he told you they’re for decorative purposes. 

“I heard that working at an ice cream shop is good for your arms,” you say. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Good for your arms, but bad for your wrists and your stomach.” 

“Stomach?” 

“You have no idea how much ice cream I ate that year.” 

You laugh at the look Chan gives you and he smiles. 

“It’s all fun and games until you’ve gained like ten pounds,” he adds. 

“I think it’d be fun to work in an ice cream shop,” you say. “Obviously, food service is horrible in general, but… it must be fun to work with such people of similar age.” 

“Customers for food service are always a pain in the ass,” Chan says. “That’s universal.” 

At that time, your server arrives and places your orders down. The both of you thank him. You silently raise your ice cream and he raises his, lightly tapping against yours. 

“Cheers,” he says. 

“Cheers.” 

For a moment, it’s quiet between the two of you. You both eat your ice cream, taking in the lively atmosphere. 

“You know,” you say. “I think this is the first time we’ve officially hung out together.” 

“I think you’re right,” Chan says with a laugh. “I would’ve remembered if we did.” 

“You would’ve?” 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “You know, you’re kind of unforgettable.” 

Your smile grows. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” He exhales, blowing up towards his bangs a bit. For a moment, he hesitates on speaking—biting his lower lip. Your gaze fixates on that a bit longer than you’d like to admit. “If you don’t mind, I want to ask you something.” 

“Shoot.” 

“What—what happened tonight?” He explains, when your head tilts at the question. “Like, what chased your date away and led you to me?” 

You let out a small laugh. “First of all, I love the choice of words.” 

“You know what I mean though.” 

“Second of all, I didn’t ‘chase him away’ because he chose to leave on his own.” You fiddle with your spoon, splitting your ice cream repeatedly. “We were having a nice conversation.”

“And?” 

“I don’t know. We were just talking and he said…” You sigh. “He implied that I needed a push in the right direction to do the things I wanted to do.” 

“The right direction of what?” 

Your eyes shift and you fully focus on your, now melting, ice cream. “Just… where I should be spending time and who I choose to spend it with.”

Chan gets quiet. “And that’s me?” 

“Yeah,” you manage to say. 

It’s barely above a whisper and, yet, Chan still managed to hear it. He clears his throat, trying to ignore the blood rushing to his cheeks. He doesn’t hide his smile, even when he looks at you. 

“I guess I could say now…” he starts to say. “I liked being behind the scenes for your dates, but.. I didn’t really like the guys you were with.” 

“Chan.” You place your hand on his. “They weren’t awful.” 

“I know,” he says. “It’s just that they could have been so much better.” He pauses. “I do like that Jungwoo guy though. He’s pretty cool.” 

You laugh at that. “Well, I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t give me the push, so… yeah, he’s pretty cool.” You pause. “I’m still surprised though.” 

“Surprised about what?” 

“Surprised that you’re okay with me and… manipulating men into buying me dinner.” 

“The thing is,” he says. “Is that I know you’re not inherently bad.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because.” He tucks a stand of hair behind your ear. “From what I’ve seen behind the facade, you aren’t different, just—you’re just more quiet.” He corrects himself. “Not that you’re loud or anything, just—just that the guys you’re with don’t really get to know you and that’s… that’s not what a date is supposed to be like.”

“What is a date supposed to be like then?” 

“Hopefully,” he says. “I can take you on a better one next time?” 

“Yeah,” you say, interlocking your fingers with his. “I’d be up for that.” 

[maddrmatt]

Kairi’s Epic Journey: The Quest for Sora

New to this fanfic? Click here to properly begin!

Chapter 22: Elsa Accused

Arendelle

Kairi, Anna, Elsa and Kristoff stared at Eimyrja in shock.  They could not believe what she had just said.

‘Crimes?  What is she talking about?  Elsa hasn’t done anything wrong,’ thought Kairi as she gazed at the confused face of her friend.  ‘Has she?’

“I-I don’t understand,” stammered Elsa.

Eimyrja clapped her hands together to extinguish the flame in her hand.  “No, I suppose you wouldn’t.  After all, you’ve been too busy running your kingdom and playing the beloved magical queen for your people that you’ve been blissfully unaware of the pain you’ve caused others.”

“That’s enough!  How dare you accuse my sister of something she’s never done on top of trying to destroy her palace and chasing away our…” Anna stopped as a horrible feeling of realization came over her.  “Wait a minute.  How did you get past everyone who was standing watch outside?”

“How did you even get behind us when we saw no other trail coming up here?” asked Kairi.

Eimyrja gave a sinister chuckle.  “We’re sorcerers.  We know how to cover our tracks.   As for your so-called guards outside, I cannot believe you all would have been so naïve to believe that a creature we earlier chased away from here would be able to keep us out.  We only let it get away from us the first time because we needed it to bring your sister up here, Your Majesty.  And now that you’ve arrived, it has outlived its usefulness and there was no need to show that same mercy a second time,” she said vindictively causing the group to gasp in horror.

“You didn’t!” exclaimed Kairi.

“Yes.  We reduced that beast to a puddle.  As for that little chatterbox of a snow creature, we dealt with it in the same way.  There’s nothing left of either of them,” stated Eimyrja.

“Olaf!  Marshmallow!” cried out Anna as tears streaked down her face.

“Don’t waste any tears on them, Your Majesty.  After all, it’s not like they were actual living beings,” said Eimyrja

Anna growled.  “You…” she began before Kristoff piped up.

“What about the animals that were with them?” asked the ice harvester worriedly.

“Yes.  The dog and the reindeer?” asked Kairi fearing that Pluto and Sven had suffered a fate just as horrible.

Eimyrja gave a look that almost looked regretful.  “We did try to subdue them as gently as possible.  But they resisted and, in their desperation to get away from us, they ended up falling off the edge of the mountain.  I doubt they survived.”

“No!  Sven!” exclaimed Kristoff.

“Pluto…” muttered Kairi as a tear came to her eye before screaming, “How could you?  They did nothing to you!”

“I will admit, being an animal lover myself, it was tragic to see them suffer like that.  But then again, you shouldn’t have involved them in the first place and now they are two more lives ruined because of the queen,” said the Order’s leader.

“Stop saying that!  I don’t know what you’re talking about.  But Elsa’s not responsible for anything you’re accusing her of,” shouted Anna.

“Yes!  I’m sure that this is just some kind of misunderstanding that we can resolve peacefully, and no one has to…,” began the Duke before the leader interrupted him.

“You will be silent, or my cohorts will reduce you to a pile of ashes at my command,” snapped Eimyrja.

The Duke looked to the two Order members holding him.  They gave him a threatening gaze causing him to cower in the clutches of his captors.

Eimyrja turned toward the group and gazed at Anna.  “As for what exactly our grievance is with your sister, Your Majesty, I’d be more than happy to give you an explanation.  All of you really ought to learn the full truth of her crimes.”

“If you think we’re going to listen to anything you have to say…” began Anna in a threatening tone as she began to step forward again.

Elsa immediately grabbed her sister by the shoulders.  “Anna, let’s not provoke them.”

“How very wise of you, Your Majesty.  I don’t think it would be in your best interests to put yourselves at the mercy of our fire magic.  If we wished to, we could incinerate all of you where you stand,” said Eimyrja.

“Anna, I think we should hear what she has to say and find out why they’re doing all of this,” said Elsa.

“Elsa, this is not the time to be diplomatic,” said Anna angrily.

“I’m with Anna on this one, Elsa.  They have no right to expect us to listen to them after what they just did to our friends,” asked Kairi.

“Kairi, that is the reason I don’t want to risk putting anyone else in danger from this Order.  If their magic was strong enough to destroy Marshmallow, then it may even be more than a match for my own.  We also don’t know how many of them are actually here.  There may be more of them nearby.  So, I believe that the best way to avoid anyone else getting hurt is to hear them out,” said Elsa.

Kairi considered Elsa’s words.  ‘She has a point.  When we came up here, we certainly weren’t expecting to deal with a group of fire-toting sorcerers.  I may not even be able to fight off all of them.  They’re a far cry from Captain Hook and his pirate crew.’

Anna, while she had calmed down somewhat, still didn’t look fully convinced.  “Kristoff, what do you think?” she asked her boyfriend.

Kristoff rubbed the back of his head and sighed.  “Anna, Kairi, I’m just as upset about what they did to our friends as you are.  Sven’s been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.  But Elsa’s right.  We shouldn’t risk getting into a fight with these people.  Especially since we may have no chance of winning.”

Anna let out a sigh and then turned toward the Order.  “All right, Eimyrja.  We’ll hear what you have to say.”

“But please release the Duke first,” added Elsa.

“You’re hardly in a position to make that kind of request, Your Majesty.  But since our grievance is with you and not with him, we will do so.  Release the hostage,” commanded Eimyrja.

At her order, the two members holding the Duke let him go.  He immediately rushed over to the group and stood at Kristoff’s side.  “Thank you, Your Majesty,” he said gratefully to Elsa.

Elsa gave him a nod and then faced the Order’s leader.  “Now, Eimyrja, tell me.  What exactly is it that you are accusing me of?  Because if you and your Order have been wronged in any way, perhaps there is a way I can make amends to you.”

“I assure you that once you have heard our tale, you will see that there is no way to repair the damage you have caused us.  Now picture this if you can, Your Majesty: an idyllic country farm tended by a close-knit family.  The work may be hard and demanding at times.  But the family loves it and they love each other so very much.  They can’t imagine a better life,” said Eimyrja in a wistful tone of voice.

Then her voice dripped with anger.  “But then, one day, everything changes. In the middle of summer, the farm is besieged by an unusual snowstorm that came out of nowhere.  Completely unprepared for the sudden change in weather, the family struggles to save their farm.  But it is all in vain and everything is destroyed.”

Kairi, Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, and the Duke’s eyes opened wide in shock.  The implication of Eimyrja’s story dawned on them.

“But that is not the end of it.  As it gets colder by the minute, one by one, the family succumbs.  And when the storm is finally all over, all that remains of the family is the eldest daughter.”

The group’s horror increased at this revelation.  “You mean…” began Kairi.

Eimyrja nodded.  “That is correct.  The farm and the family in this story were my own.  I lost everything I loved in that storm.  A storm that happened because of you, Queen Elsa!” she roared pointing at the queen.

The leader then gestured to the other Order members standing behind her.  “And I was not the only one.  All of us who stand before you lost someone dear to them in that storm.  A parent, a sibling, a child, a wife, a husband; the list goes on.  One by one, we found each other and after learning the true cause of our woes, we vowed that we would get justice for those we lost.”

At that point, some of the Order members conjured up flames in their hands like their leader had before.  They gazed at Elsa with looks of barely restrained desire to unleash their magic on her.

“That is when the Order of the Flame came to be.  Knowing we stood no chance against a sorceress who commands the snow and the ice, we dedicated ourselves to learning the ways of fire magic to counter it.  Normally, it takes years to master such magic.  But I believe our burning desire to avenge our loved ones enabled us to master the fire far quicker anyone has ever before.  Now, after months of training and preparation, the day we have waited for has finally come,” said Eimyrja as the Order members extinguished their flames.

Everyone stared at the Order of the Flame with a mix of emotions as they took in what they had just heard.  Anna was shocked.  Kristoff looked like he was trying to make sense of the situation.  The Duke looked uncertain.  Elsa, however, covered her eyes and began to sob.

Kairi gazed at the queen with sympathy.  ‘I know what Elsa must be feeling.  It’s that same self-loathing I’ve carried since Sora was lost.’

“It can’t be true!  It just can’t!” exclaimed Anna.

“You try and deny it all you want, Princess Anna.  But the hard truth is that your sister is responsible for the loss of many lives,” said Eimyrja.

“But this doesn’t make any sense.  After the Great Thaw, we went all over Arendelle to help the people with anything that they needed, and we learned that no one had perished at all in the winter.  The people considered it a miracle,” said Kristoff.

“A miracle indeed.  Well, it seems your kingdom was very lucky to have been spared any losses.  But did you even consider that the storm reached further than your kingdom’s borders and affected others who weren’t as fortunate to be spared that fate?” asked Eimyrja.

‘What have I done?’ thought Elsa as tears dripped down her cheeks.  “Eimyrja, I am so sorry for everyone you and your Order have lost.  I never meant to hurt anybody.”

“I’m afraid your apology is not and will never be sufficient, Queen Elsa,” said Eimyrja bluntly.

“Then what will?  You’ve said what you wanted to say and made Elsa aware of what she’s apparently done.  So, what happens now?” asked Kairi.

A dark look came to Eimyrja’s eye.  “Now we deliver the most appropriate punishment for the queen’s crimes.”

“And what would that be?  You’ve already taken several of our friends from us.  Isn’t that enough?” asked Anna even though she had a pretty good idea of what the answer was.

“No.  The animals’ demise was something we never intended to happen.  As for the snow creatures, they are hardly a loss since the queen can simply create more like them,” said Eimyrja.

Anna’s anger increased.  “How dare you act like Olaf and Marshmallow are replaceable?!” she shouted.

Ignoring the princess’ outburst, Eimyrja continued, “Originally, as your sister’s punishment, we had planned to put an end to her permanently, Princess Anna.  But now an opportunity has arisen for something far more fitting.”

‘I don’t like the sound of that,’ thought Kairi.

“We decided that death isn’t a suitable enough punishment for her.  That would only release her from the guilt she should feel forever.  Instead, she should suffer as we have and lose the last remaining family she has,” declared Eimyrja pointing at Anna causing everyone to gasp in horror.

Kristoff immediately moved in front of his girlfriend followed by Kairi.  “We won’t let that happen!  You’ll have to get through us if you want to hurt Anna!” she said.

“We’re perfectly fine with doing away with all of you so are you certain you want to throw your own lives away and add more losses to the queen’s conscience?  We will not be denied our justice,” said Eimyrja.

“This is not justice!  This is revenge!” shouted Kairi.

“Call it what you will.  But it must be done.  Maybe then the queen will think twice before losing control again.  Those powers of hers make her a danger to everyone around her,” said Eimyrja.

“But it wasn’t her fault!  Elsa had no idea how to control her powers back then!  She never meant to start that winter and she didn’t believe that she could stop it,” said Anna stepping out from behind Kairi and Kristoff.

Then, in a pleading tone, she said, “Please.  If anyone should be punished for your losses, it really ought to be me.  It may have been Elsa’s powers that started the winter.  But it would never have happened had my foolishness and desperation for love lead to setting her off.”

“Anna, no,” said Elsa gazing at her sister sadly.

The Duke then piped up.  “If I may say something, I can understand why you believe Queen Elsa to be a danger even a monster.  I once thought the same thing.  In fact, when I saw what she could do, I believed the worst of her and sent my own bodyguards to destroy her.”

The Duke then hung his head in shame.  “But now I know that she was just a frightened woman with a power she didn’t fully understand and struggled to control all her life.  She is no monster, and I was very wrong to assume she was.”

Anna gazed at the Duke in a mixture between amazement and admiration.  Never in a million years would she have thought that she would hear the Duke of Weselton of all people defending her sister.  ‘Maybe, just maybe, he is capable of being forgiven after all,’ she thought.

“The Duke is right.  Elsa never asked to have those powers of hers and the last thing she ever wanted was for anyone to get hurt because of them.  We can understand how you all feel after suffering such horrible losses.  But what you’ve done and what you’re planning to do will not make it any better,” said Kairi.

But Eimyrja remained unmoved.  “Unless the queen has some kind of power that can bring back our loved ones, your attempts to defend her will do no good, girl.  I think we have spoken long enough.  Now my comrades, it is time to accomplish what we have set out to do.”

At the end of her words, Eimyrja and the Order of the Flame made their way toward Anna.  They raised their hands with their palms facing toward her that could unleash their flames any moment.

Anna looked nervous.  But at the same time, she gazed defiantly at the Order as she stood her ground.  Kristoff did the same with his fists clenched.

‘Looks like it’s time for a fight.  I don’t know if I can win against all of them.  But I’ve got to try.  I must protect my fellow Princesses of Heart,’ thought Kairi as she prepared to summon her Keyblade.

But before she could, Elsa stepped between them and the Order.  “Wait!  Don’t hurt her!  Don’t hurt any of them!  I’ve thought of a way I might be able to atone for what I’ve done to you all.”

“Hold,” commanded Eimyrja as the Order stopped in their tracks.  “And what might that be, Your Highness?”

“If me losing my loved ones is what you wish, then I know a way that it can happen,” stated Elsa causing her sister and friends to gasp in surprise.

“Elsa, what are you saying?” asked Kairi.

“Do not interrupt her, girl.  What do you propose, Your Highness?” asked Eimyrja.

“When I first created this palace, I intended to use it to live away from everyone so no one would get hurt by my powers.  So, in light of what you’ve told me, I will remain up here all alone for the rest of my life.  I will never see my sister, my friends, or my home ever again and you will not need to harm anyone else,” said Elsa.

“Elsa, no!  You can’t!” cried Anna.

Elsa turned to her sister.  “I have to, Anna.  This is the only way I can possibly pay for what I’ve done to them without you getting hurt,” she said sadly.

The queen then turned back to face the Order and their leader.  “Will that satisfy you and your Order, Eimyrja?”

Eimyrja’s eye gave a thoughtful gaze.  “Allow the Order a moment to discuss your proposal, Your Majesty.”

The leader turned around and gathered the Order members into a huddle.  All the group could hear from them were barely understandable whispers.

Suddenly, Anna grabbed her sister by the shoulders and whirled her around to face her.  “Elsa, don’t do this!”

“Anna, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” said Elsa.

“But we just got each other back!” exclaimed Anna.

“I know.  And these past months with you have been like a beautiful dream.  But I guess it was a dream too dangerous to have.  Now this monster has to go back in her cage,” said her sister sadly.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.  You’re not a monster.  You never were,” said Anna.

“Maybe not.  But I am still a danger to others.  What happened to the Order is proof of that.  It looks like me living away from everyone was the right idea all along.  At least this time, I know how to control my powers so nothing like this will ever happen again,” said Elsa.

“But Elsa, are you sure you want to do this?  Can’t we find a better way?” asked Kairi.

“I don’t think there is a better way, Kairi.  The important thing is keeping my sister safe no matter what happens to me.  After all, she sacrificed herself to protect me once.  How can I not do the same for her?” asked the queen.

Elsa’s words caused Kairi to think.  ‘Elsa’s willing to do anything to keep her sister safe even if in the end, they both end up unhappy.  Is that what you were thinking as well when you were saving me, Sora?’

Finally, the Order’s huddle broke and Eimyrja once again faced Elsa.  “The Order of the Flame accepts your proposal.”

“Thank you,” said Elsa.

“But heed this, Your Majesty.  If we ever find out that you have violated the agreement we’ve made here, then nothing will save your sister or your kingdom from our wrath,” warned the Order’s leader.

“You have my word.  This palace is where I shall remain for the rest of my days,” said Elsa.

“Very good,” said Eimyrja before looking to Anna.  “Come now, Princess.  We will escort you and your friends back to Arendelle before we take our leave.”

Anna didn’t budge.  She just looked at the floor sadly.

Elsa placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder and then said to Eimyrja, “Can you please just give us a little more time together?  There’s a few things we need to talk about before we say goodbye.”

The Order’s leader gave a look of consideration before saying, “Very well.  I guess we can allow you that.  You may have one hour.  We’ll wait outside in the meantime.  Order of the Flame, let us go.”

At the end of their leader’s words, the Order members began to file out of the room.  Eimyrja followed as well briefly before turning back to the group.

“But hear this, Your Majesty.  If your sister and the rest are not outside this place and ready to leave before the hour is up, then we will consider our agreement to be null and void.   And then they will face the consequences.”

With that final warning, Eimyrja then followed her group out of the room.  All that remained now were Kairi, Anna, Elsa, Kristoff and the Duke.

For the first few moments, none of them were sure what to do.  Then Anna threw her arms around her sister and embraced her tightly.  Tears rolled down their cheeks as they held each other in silence.

Kairi, Kristoff and the Duke looked at the two sisters sympathetically.  The whole scene was absolutely heartbreaking.

They all stood in silence before the Duke cleared his throat.  “Um, forgive me if this is insensitive and know that you have my sincerest condolences on this unfortunate turn of events.  But this whole ordeal has been a bit much for me.  So, if you don’t mind, I think it’s best that I excuse myself and try to regain my composure elsewhere.”

“Of course, Your Grace,” said Elsa.

“Thank you.  I imagine you have some things to discuss that don’t concern me so I will wait downstairs for you,” said the Duke as he made his way out of the room.

“Your Grace?” called Anna causing the Duke to turn around in response. 

Over her sister’s shoulder, Anna gave the Duke a grateful smile.  “Thank you for defending my sister.”

“It was my pleasure to do so, Your Majesty.  I only wish that I could have been of more help,” said the Duke solemnly as he left the room.

“Come on, Anna.  Let’s go out to the balcony. There’s a few things we need to talk about before we part,” said Elsa as she parted from her sister’s embrace.

“Okay, Elsa.  Plus, it would be good to spend our last time together somewhere with a better view,” said Anna indicating the ruined room they were all still in with the bonfire remains.

Anna then turned to her boyfriend.  “Kristoff, I hope you won’t mind if Elsa and I…”

Kristoff held up a hand.  “Say no more, Anna.  If this is going to be your last time together with your sister, then you should make it count.”

“First, I have a few things to say to you, Kristoff.  You too, Kairi,” said Elsa turning toward their friends.

“First of all, Kristoff, I’m really sorry about Sven.  I never would’ve thought that our friendship would end up costing you your oldest friend,” said the queen to the ice harvester.

“Elsa, I don’t and will not ever blame you for that,” said Kristoff.

Elsa smiled.  “Thank you.  You’ve been a great friend to Anna and me and I hope you’ll continue to watch over her when you return to Arendelle.  Just know that there’s no one I trust my sister with more than you.”

Kristoff sadly nodded.  “You can count on me.  I won’t let you down.”

Elsa then looked at Kairi.  “Kairi, I know we haven’t known each other for very long.  But it was very nice to meet you and I really hope you find Sora.  Please tell him that I really wanted to be true friends with him if we ever met again.

“Thank you, Elsa and I will,” said Kairi.

“And I’m really sorry about Pluto,” added Elsa.

“It wasn’t your fault,” said Kairi though inside, she was dreading how she was going to explain to Mickey what happened to his dog.

Her words finished; Elsa turned back to her sister.  “Come on, Anna,” she said as she placed an arm around her sister’s shoulder.

They walked side by side towards the doors to the balcony.  With a gesture from Elsa, the doors opened.  They continued outside, leaned on the railing, and looked out at the spectacular view in front of them.  Elsa gestured once again and closed the doors.

From what she had seen of the scene in front of her, Kairi couldn’t help but be reminded of the better times of the past.  Her heart ached as she remembered how she always watched the sunsets on the Play Island with Sora and Riku. 

It ached even further as the dream about Sora vanishing from her side as they watched the sun set entered her mind.  And in less than an hour, a similar fate would befall Anna and Elsa as they would be unable to do anything together ever again.

If there was anything Kairi knew, given all that she had experienced especially from recent events, nothing hurt more than being separated from the ones you held dear.

________________________________________________________________

Onto the next chapter!

[thelittlemisschatterbox]

Explaining the Bridgerton Formula: To be or not to be an anthology?

Dear Reader,

Do get your Bridgerton playlist ready! In this post, we’re going to talk about what Bridgerton will be like moving forward with Regé-Jean Page not returning. Specifically, will our beloved romantic drama embrace the anthology or the serial. Don’t know what any of those mean? Well fear not, Dear Reader, all shall be explained.

All right, let’s start by explaining these two buzzwords: anthology and serial. Perhaps you’ll add these words to your next game of scrabble?

Anyway, anthology and serial are two types of formats you’ll find in TV shows (disclaimer, there are many other formats, but we’ll stick with these for now). Firstly, an anthology is a type of TV show where the show will completely reset its characters, story, settings and even the creative people behind-the-scenes (e.g. director, cinematographer), after each season or each episode. Think how Black Mirror is completely different each episode, or how True Detective changes its story and its actors every single season. These are anthologies and it seems like Bridgerton is heading down a similar-ish path. So… what about serial?

Serial, pronounced the exact same as “cereal”, is a type of show where the stories and its characters build over many episodes and often times, many seasons. These are super common these days, think Game of Thrones, The Queen’s Gambit, Grey’s Anatomy, even The Falcon and The Winter Soldier. In these shows, we see characters develop over episodes, and in many cases, continue to grow over each season. So, to understand the show and what’s going on plot wise, you’ve got to watch every episode in order! Serial shows are the shows where you always warn about spoilers! 

Unlike some shows (like Brooklyn 99, The Office, Friends), you can’t quite get away with skipping an episode and understanding the rest. What happens in an episode can be super important for the next episode or season. In this way, Bridgerton is very much a serial, you can’t mix and muddle with the order of the episodes, you have to watch Daphne and Simon fall in love in eight consecutive episodes.

Ok, so you know what anthology and serial means now, and I bet you’re wondering, what in the hell does this have to do with Regé Jean Page not coming back. Well, here’s where it gets interesting…

With Regé-Jean Page exiting the show, it seems to confirm that the show will very much stick to the style of the books: each season will cover one book, and thus, one season will focus on one Bridgerton sibling. Season one was all about Daphne, we now know season two is all about Anthony, and we can only assume season three will be about Benedict, then Colin, Eloise and on and on until we finish with Hyacinth (but we’ll discuss later why this may change). Whilst this comes as no surprise to book readers, this is a big shift for those who have only seen the show and are going off their experience with other shows. You see, with Regé-Jean Page just not returning at all (not even for a cameo it seems), Bridgerton actually becomes something quite unique: a romantic, period drama that is a mix of an anthology and serial, its something we haven’t really seen before. Each season will “restart” by having a different Bridgerton as protagonist, but the Bridgerton family and its overarching story will flow over each season.  

Now personally, I’m actually quite excited about this, though I am slightly biased because I loved the books. That being said, I am honestly quite bummed that Regé doesn’t seem to want to come back at all, not even a cameo? We’ll talk about this further in a separate post but to say it bluntly: a lot, and I mean A LOT, of people watched it because of Regé-Jean Page. I know it’s called Bridgerton, but he was the breakout star after all (see his fabulous appearance on SNL), so it seems a little strange he won’t even appear for a split second. I personally would prefer to see him, the Duke of Hastings in the flesh, sprinkled throughout the show, rather than have him completely disappear and only mentioned through off hand comments (I am already imagining Daphne’s dialogue of “oh… the Duke couldn’t be here because of a/b/c tonight…”, and that’s just not fun).  

However, I know that myself and a million others are definitely still going to give this a chance. Is it a slightly odd business, producing, marketing choice? Absolutely! But we must acknowledge (and we will in our next post), that some things are simply out of our control.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post! I had lots of fun writing it so feel free to leave your thoughts below. In our next one, we’ll be talking about those things we fans sadly can’t always control, aka. contracts, busy careers and you guessed it- COVID.

- Little Miss Chatterbox

[skvaderarts]

Hiraeth Chapter 21: Upbringing

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Twenty-One: Upbringing

Note: These comments are pure comedy gold omfg! Especially the ones about Vergil's parenting skills! I live for the chaotic energy that this story provided me on a weekly basis. Thank you for all the amazing memories. And here's to a million more!

(-~-)

Within moments of rounding the corner onto the block, the van pulled up in front of the young summoner’s new abode, narrowly missing the sidewalk as it somehow plopped perfectly into place just outside of V’s home. Nico’s driving technique was once again a total mystery to anyone with a logical thought process and a brain that functioned on the same alignment as most of the human race, but that didn’t stop them from getting in the van with her and allowing her to drive them places. At this point, it was a strange combination of Stockholm Syndrome and an apparent death wish that kept them coming back, but they didn’t really have anything detrimental to say about it that they hadn’t said already, so they just let it be.

The crew members that were present exited the van in various forms of disarray. Having to ride in the front seat wasn’t something that V was entirely used to, especially considering his penchant to sit on the couch and attempt to relax during rides to and from places, but Nico didn’t actually remember where they were going for once. She had only been there once before, and she hadn’t realized that the house in question was, in fact, the same one that she had waylaid V and Magnolia in front of before. But now that she did, he suspected that she wouldn’t have much trouble finding it in the future.

Stepping out of the van and stretching out her back, Nico glanced over at the house, a slightly surprised look on her face. She stepped just in front of V, attempting not to cause him to run into her, but almost leading to that outcome regardless of her efforts. She went entirely agape as she realized that this was, in fact, where V now lived. Now she fully understood what he and Magnolia had been doing there that day. Despite the fact that she had known that V was moving out about a week before he had done so, she hadn’t realized that this was where he had gone. Talk about a step up in quality from any place she had ever lived.

“Holy crap. This place is ginormous, V! What, ya living here alone? Dontcha get lost or anything? Cause I’d need a map just to find the bathroom every day.” Nico practically ran up the steps, inspecting everything in closer detail now that she had the chance to actually do so. She had noticed that the neighborhood was on the newer side with larger, more traditional homes that seemed to possess a modern twist, but she hadn’t had the chance to really appreciate the fine details on one of the houses until now. It was astounding how much work had probably gone into making the houses in this neighborhood look so… trendy? Was trendy the right word?

V chuckled lightly for a moment, a barely audible response that he was certain none of them had probably actually heard. Nico was always an exciting person to be around, even if she didn’t realize it. Her high octane, no-nonsense personality was something that he had come to enjoy, and he was admittedly interested in seeing how she was going to react to the fact that there was so much work to be done with the house. He had basically not even begun to furnish the house, for the most part, and that was something that he knew he needed to start doing sometime soon. Still, there were beds in some of the rooms, and there was a couch in the living room. It was a start, and he did actually have the money to do what he wanted with the place. He just hoped that contentiously paying Dante’s utility bills without him knowing wouldn’t tap too far into his savings. It was all he could do to keep the peace between his father and uncle, and he didn’t want Vergil to come over in the morning alone, only to calmly announce that he had finally eliminated his brother, once and for all.

In truth, he’d had enough conversation with his father for a while after tonight.

Lucia stumbled out behind her, slightly dazed from the rapid trip over. It was just as Dante had said. Nico did in fact drive that way literally everywhere. That was going to take some getting used to. She glanced over at the front door and then up at the building, quickly realizing what all the fuss was about. It was quite tall, at least two stories smaller than her home back on Vie De Marli, but the architecture style was entirely different. Her home was not nearly as modern as this one, but it was longer and more spread out. This one was built for a totally different demographic.

Staring up at it for a moment, Lucia nodded to herself. Yes, it was quite nice, but she did see Nico’s point. She would probably get lost in a house with this many stories to it. She imagined that she would quickly learn the layout, but to live here alone? V must have really enjoyed his solitude. Perhaps it was the prevalent silence that someone could only find in a large, empty space? The abundance of space to do with as he wished? She didn’t know him well enough to say at this point. All she knew was that he was polite, intelligent, and exceedingly quiet, two things that didn’t come as a total surprise to her after knowing Dante for as long as she had, but that seemed to be a unique mixture that he embodied on a singular level that most of his family didn’t in that respect. From what she could tell, the other three members of his family were only ever one of those things at a time, and as far as silence went… well, she wasn’t sure that anyone she had ever met talked less than he did. She herself wasn’t the most talkative sort, but she was practically a chatterbox compared to the longer-haired descendant of the Dark Knight Sparda. 

There was a part of her that immediately noticed that his particular brand of silence was something different. This rest of his family seemed to have their moments, but there was a certain mournful contemplation that she had come to associate with the young man that she had only seen one other time in her life, and that was with Dante when they had first met. She couldn’t even begin to imagine everything that he had gone through up until that point to mold him into the type of person that she had met back then, but she recognized the profound silence suffering that he had once possessed now in V, only there was a part of her that wondered what it was about in his case. He was quite young to be so… resigned, but she figured that had something to do with his life experiences. One was never too young to experience tragedy, especially the kind that could reshape the rest of their life. And from what she could tell, V had already been through something like that, despite his young age. What a shame.

“What Nico said is very true. This is a very nice place you have here. I can only imagine that the inside is just as grand.” She smiled politely as she headed up the stairs, shaking her head in amusement as she took in the sight of Nico scampering back and forth across the porch as she took in all the small details and fine metalwork that encompassed the space they currently occupied. “Thank you for inviting us over.”

V blanched slightly, thankful that he wasn’t facing any of his counterparts. Nero knew what the inside of the house looked like, but none of the rest of them did. Well, at least to his knowledge. He couldn’t see how they might. Maybe Sirrus had been there before? It was unlikely, as far as he was concerned, considering the fact that they seemed to be about the same age, and Magnolia had told him when they had first come there that the house had sat empty almost as long as he had been alive. He would have had to be very young if he had been there before, and for him to remember that? It was unlikely.

“I am sorry to disappoint you, but that most likely won’t be the case. I have yet to purchase any furniture, and although what came with the house is quince nice, actually, it probably won’t impress anyone.” V shook his head, taking the stairs one at a time as he approached the front door and produced the key from a pocket inside of his pants. He turned the key and unlocked the door, pushing it open. He then stepped back out of the way as he allowed the rest of them to enter before he did, internally acknowledging the fact that he would need to lock the door again after they entered. “But at least no one will be caught in the crossfire between my father and uncle when they inevitably get into a fight here. Small mercies.”

Lucia covered her hand with her mouth as she attempted to stifle a small laugh. “Oh, goodness. Do they fight often, then? I got that impression from how casually Vergil stabbed Dante a few days ago. I imagine that there is quite a lot of history there.”

Now it was Nero’s turn to interject at that statement. “Oh, you have no idea. They are both a goddamn mess. But I have to give them credit where credit’s due, they are a lot better than they used to be.” Nero shrugged as he entered the house, unsure as to what he could really say about it. He didn’t know how much Lucia already knew about their past interactions. For all he knew, he could just be treading ground that had already been walked on. Lucia had known Dante for longer than he had, from what he could tell. There were things that she should probably be telling them at this point. “A few months ago I literally had to stop them from murdering each other after my dad pulled one of his trademark dick moves and almost destroyed an entire continent. I don’t know what happened while they were down there in the underworld for like two months, but they’ve seemingly calmed down a little bit. Maybe they talked it out? Brain damage? I don’t know, you’d have to ask them.”

V shook his head as if to signify that he both agreed and disagreed. “I can’t say that I have much to add to that. Being temporarily… displaced from this reality removes one’s ability to add commentary on events that they did not witness. I will simply default to Nero’s account of the events that transpired.” He hadn’t considered what had happened in the time that he had been gone very much before now, if he was being honest. It was kind of a lot to take in, and he didn’t really know what he thought of it. Perhaps not thinking about it was the best thing that he could do, at least for now. “What I will say is that what few fights they have had are somehow significantly less awful than the ones that they have had previously, and I was not even alive or present for any of them. One does not simply just wake up one day and cut off their son’s arm and raise the Qliphoth from hell on a whim as their first offense. He’s clearly done something like this before and I just have no knowledge of it transpiring.”

“You weren’t there? Were you out of town?” Lucia blanched slightly as she watched Sirrus enter the house behind them. V then began to unlock the door. She had so many questions now. “And you both have another brother? Neither of you seems to be missing an arm…”

“I was dead. Or, at least in limbo or something akin to it. My father’s doing, though not intentionally. At least, that’s what I chose to believe.” V spoke as though what he was talking about held no consequence. He was surprised that he couldn’t say more about it, now that the subject had been brought up. That was probably something he should know about. “It’s complicated. You would have to ask Magnolia Ludwig for the specifics in that case. She’s the one that did… whatever it is that she did. I honestly don’t want to know. In regards to us having another sibling… I have no knowledge of that, but a part of me would not be surprised to find out that that was the case. Nothing shocks me anymore.”

“Magnolia Ludwig? I don’t believe I’ve met her before.” Now this conversation had taken quite the turn. Where to even start with the influx of horrifying information. It seemed that everyone in this family had issues that ran deep, and now she understood more as to why V’s somber demeanor might be so prevalent. He had died and no one seemed to mention anything about it. Was he alright after something like that? One could only imagine that going through something like that and then trying to return to everyday life was probably exceedingly difficult, if not utterly impossible. Maybe he needed someone to talk to about it?

“She is a friend of our dad’s. Or maybe Dante’s. I don’t actually know who met her first. I never asked. Pretty sure she’s Vergil’s friend, though. Dante didn’t seem like he’d met her before. I honestly don’t remember. There was a lot going on at the time.” Nero said casually as he flopped down on the couch. He wasn’t quite tired yet, but that didn’t mean he’d say no to sitting down. “We don’t know much about all of that. We weren’t around. Didn’t grow up around them. Orphans and all that. It’s… kinda a lot to talk about.”

Suddenly V had a terrible headache. He didn’t know either.

Nico scoffed. “And as for the one who got his arm cut off, that was Nero. Freakin weird little freakshow just grew it back like a lizard or somethin! I’ve never seen anything like that before, and I never wanna again!”

The short-haired man with the white hair shook his head and gave her a disapproving look. “You're just gonna keep bringing that back up every time you get the chance, aren’t you?”

With a look of certainly on her face, the plucky mechanic nodded. “Yup. You bet your ass I am. That’s freakin weird, man! And don't you even try and act like I'm wrong or something!”

A soft sigh escaped Nero's lips. Yes, of course she was. Why had he doubted that, even for a moment? It was simply what she did when she was excited about something, be it for a good or bad reason. And to be fair, she was right. On the list of weird things a person could do, growing back an entire limb was so far into the impossible side of left field that it qualified for its own individual section. Nero could only hope that he never needed to find out if it was something that he could do a second time. One lost limb was more than enough for one lifetime.

Lucia glanced over at V who simply shrugged unknowingly. He couldn’t explain that either. “Sorry, I wasn’t here for that, either. I find that just as strange as the both of you probably do. Nero manifested several incredible new abilities during my brief absence. He also managed to learn the ability to devil trigger and fly along with that. It’s quite fascinating.”

She seemed almost excited to hear V say that. “Oh, I can do that myself. I was not aware of the fact that you could do so as well. That makes perfect sense, but it is still a pleasant surprise."

It occurred to everyone present at that moment that none of them had actually asked Lucia what she was. They had taken for granted that she was human, but upon hearing that, it was clear that she was anything but. For a moment, Nero considered the possible reasons as to why Dante might not have mentioned that his longtime friend wasn't as human as she might have seemed at first glance, but then again, he hadn't exactly explained what Trish was or anything about their past when they had first met. He had been floored when he had realized that she was the woman he had known as Gloria back during the time of the Savior incident. Sometimes Dante just didn't elaborate on those sorts of things. That probably didn't matter to him very much considering the fact that he himself wasn't entirely human. And in truth, it didn't really matter all that much to Nero, either.

With a slight laugh, Sirrus sighed and sat down on the couch, carefully brushing off the thin layer of dust that had accumulated during the short time that they had been away. It took a long time to air out a place like this, and his penchant for wearing black clothing, much like V's wasn't helping things at all. It seemed that they were both cursed by their wardrobe choices, or they both just liked to suffer.

“Quite the lively bunch you four are, aren’t you? As unorthodox as my family is, even we can’t grow back limbs.” He attempted to stifle his amusement, but failed for the most part. It seemed that there was still much he didn't know about the people he had opted to spend his time with. That made perfect sense to him, but it seemed that the range of things that he didn't know about them was considerably more cast than he had assumed. "I mean, there are certainly certain things that we can do that would be considered abnormal, even taboo… but this is another thing entirely."

"One of these days you have to tell us what the hell you are," Nero said with a humorous tint to his voice. Despite this, both he and Sirrus could tell that there was some glimmer of seriousness to his statement. He was admittedly curious. There was something admittedly supernatural about their new friend, but he had no way of truly knowing unless the man with the red hair told him. And for now, there didn't seem to be any compelling reason for him to do so.

Realizing that everyone was settling in at this point and making themselves comfortable, Sirrus decided that it was time to try and break the awkward atmosphere in the room and actually relax. The stakes had been set very high from the moment that they had attended their meeting about the demon prince Belial. Trying to turn down the anxiety in the air might be worth a shot.

"Alright then, everyone. I have a question for you." Sirrus said as he stood up and clapped his hands together, anticipation brimming from every fiber of his being. "Is anyone hungry? Because I've been looking for an excuse to cook for ages now, and should our host permit it, I would be happy to entertain you."

Everyone glanced over at V who shrugged indifferently. He had no objections to the plan. If nothing else, it was an opportunity to see if his stove worked. As long as his strange new acquaintance didn’t burn down the house, he couldn’t see a fault in this plan. "Be my guest."

(-~-)

Let's hope they don't get food poisoning… Enjoy the peace and quiet now, guys. It won't last for much longer *evil laugh*. Anyway, thanks for checking out this chapter. I hope it hasn't been too slow! See you next week on Wednesday and in the comments! Hope you've had a good week!

[coffee-ack]

the entire shrek script is going to be my first post in 2021

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess, you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A, what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me. -Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right. That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk. Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man. -Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man. -The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy. Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least. Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one? Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no. Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason, donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them? You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m, Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story. Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really? -Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down. Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now, please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that! Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway? Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a..., something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???. That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey, look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti. Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek. I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did. Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of the dragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a little unorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah, no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, you wouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's a perk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? You think, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love. What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now, now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre. Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one, who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You should ask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre and his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put me down or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's another question. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how you let her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt? But you don't get burned to a crisp neither. How do you do this? Just tell her, she's not your true love. Everyone knows it what happens when you find... Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better. Oh, yeah. You gonna love it there princess. It's beautiful. And what of my groom to be, lord Farquaad. What's he like? Well, let me put it this way, princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. Oh no, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You know, you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad. Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. But I'd like you do that measuring when you see him tomorrow Tomorrow? It will take that long? -Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No. That would take longer. We can keep going. But there are robbers in the woods. Whoa, time out Shrek. Camp is definitely something that sounds good. Hey. Come on. I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest. I need to find somewhere to camp, now! Hey, over here. Shrek, we can do better than that. Now, I don't think this is decent for princess. No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Homey touches? Like what? A door. Well, gentleman I'll be d..., good night. Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story, 'cause I will... I said good night! Shrek! What are you doing? I just..., you know... Oh, come on, I was just kidding. And that one, that's Throwback. The only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future form these stars? Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look. There's Blodna, the "Flatulent" You can guess what he is famous for. All right. Now I know you're making this up. No. Look. There he is and there's the group of hunters running away from his stag. Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots. You know donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Forget it. Hey Shrek. What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back, anyway? -Our swamp? -You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. We? Donkey, there is no we. There's no our. There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do, is build a ten foot wall around my land. You cut me deep Shrek, you cut me real deep just now. You know, what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. No, do you think? -Are you hiding something? -Never mind Donkey. Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? No. This is one of those drop it and leave it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Oh, Why you block? -I'm not blocking. -Oh yes you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who? Everyone, ok? -Oh, now we're getting somewhere. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. Hey, what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway? Look. I'm not the one with the problem, ok? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go: AAA... Help! Run! A big stupid ugly Ogre. They judge me, before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. You know what? When we met, I didn't think you're just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Yeah, I know. So, a... Are there any donkeys up there? Well, there's a Cabby. The small and annoying. Ok, ok. I see him, now. Big shining one, right there. That one, over there? That's the moon. Again. Show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Perfect. Yeah. You know I like like that. Oh come on baby... -Donkey. Wake up. -What? -Wake up. Morning. How do you like your eggs? -Good morning princess. -What's all this about? You know, we kind of got of to a bad start yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. Thanks. Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in I always say. But that's no way to behave in front of a princess. -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. You know. You're not exactly what I've expected. Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. Princess! What are you doing? ???mon shery, for I am your saviour. And I am rescuing you from this green...beast. Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own. Please, monster. Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are. Oh, of course. How rude that was. Please, let me introduce myself. Oh marry men! Man, that was annoying. Oh, you little... Shall we? ???all the forin??? Whoa, hold on, now. Where did that come from? -What? -That. Back there. That was amazing. Where did you learn that? Well, when one lives alone one has to learn these things in case there's a... There is an arrow in your butt. What? Oh, would you look at that. Oh, no... This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt! -Oh, no. Shrek's going to die. -Donkey, I'm ok. You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head ???. -Does anyone know how to handle... -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of the Donkey. Now, you hold still and I'll yank this thing out. -Hey! Easy with the yanking. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. No, no. It's tender. What you're doing here is the opposite... -Don't move. -Ok, look. Time out. -Would you... Ok. What do you propose we do? Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Hold on, Shrek. I'm coming! Not good. Ok, ok, I can lose it. It's just about it. Nothing happened. We were just a... Look if you want to be alone, all you had to do is ask, ok? Oh, come on. That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just... Au! Hey, what's that? Is that... There it is, princess. -Your future awaits you. -That's Duloc? Yeah. I know. You'll shrink things lord Farquaad is compensating for something, which I think needs, he has a I guess we better move on. Sure, but Shrek... -I'm worried about Donkey. -What? I mean. Look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -Well, that's what they always say. And the next thing you know you're on your back. -Dead! -You know she's right. You look awful. -Do you want to sit down? -You know, I'll make you up some tea. Well, I won't say nothing, but I've got this twinge in my neck. And if I turn my neck like this, look. Au, see? -He's hungry. I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. Hey, where are you going? Oh man, I can't feel my thumbs. I don't have any thumbs!!! I think I need a hug. This is good. This is really good. -What is this? -Wheat rat. -Rotisserie style. -No kidding. -Oh, this is delicious. -Well, they also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheat rat stew. I guess I'll be dining a little different late tomorrow night. Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toast, soup fish, eye tartar. You name it. I'd like that. -Ah... , princess? -Yes, Shrek? I'm a.... I was wondering. Are you... a... Are you gonna eat that? Man, isn't this romantic. Just look at that sunset. Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's going on here. You're afraid of the dark. Aren't you? Yes, yes. That's it. That's, I'm terrified. You know I'll better go inside. But don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark too. Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. -Good night. -Good night. Ahh. Now I really see what's going on here. Oh, what are you talking about. Hey I don't wanna even hear. Look, I'm an animal and I got instincts. And I know that you two are digging on each other. I can feel it. Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the fairemones. Just go in there and tell her how you feel. There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that... well you know. I'm not saying that I do, 'cause I don't. She's a princess and I'm... ...an Ogre. Yeah, an Ogre. -Hey, where are you going? -To get more firewood. Princess. Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? It's very spooky in here and are we playing little games. -No, no. -Help! Shrek! Shrek! -No. -Shrek! -It's ok. It's ok. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, shhh. I'm the princess. -It's me, in this body. -Oh my god. You ate the princess. -Can you hear me? -Donkey! Listen, keep breathing. I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! This is me. Princess? What happened to you? You're a... different. -I'm ugly, ok? -Yeah. Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats were a bad idea. -You are what you eat, I say. -No. I've been this way as long as I can remember. What do you mean? Look, I've never seen you like this before. It only happens when the sun goes down. By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss. Then, take love's true form... -Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's the spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast. I was placed in a tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this? All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Wait, wait, I'll not lie, you are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess is meant to look. Princess. How about if you don't marry Farquaad? I have to. Only my true love's kiss can brake the spell. But you know, you're kind of an Ogre. And Shrek... Well you've got a lot in common. Shrek? Princess, I... How is it going first of all? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty. And, well, I don't really like it, but I thought you may like it, because you're pretty. But I like you anyway. A.... I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go. Who could ever love a piece so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek, but only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. Well, at least you've got tell Shrek the truth. No, no. You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know. What's the point of being unable to talk? You got to keep secrets. Promise you won't tell. Promise! You know, before this is over, I'm going to need whole lot of serious therapies. All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. Look at my eye twitching. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. I tell him not. I tell him! Shrek! Shrek! There's something I want ... Shrek. Are you all right? Perfect. Never been better. I... There's something I have to tell you. You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night. -You've heard what I said? -Every word. I thought you'd understand? Oh, I understand! Like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast! -I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah, well, it does. Ah, right on time. Princess. I brought you a little something. What I missed? What I missed? -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. Very well, Ogre. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. Take it and go. Before I change my mind. Forgive me princess for startling you, but you startled me. For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before. -I am lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no... forgive me my lord for I was just saying short... farewell. Oh. That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the Ogre. -It's not like it has feelings. -No. You're right. It doesn't. Princess Fiona, beautiful fair flawless Fiona, I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wedd... No! I mean I... Why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset. Oh, anxious are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do. There is the camera, the cake, the band, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests. Farewell Ogre. Shrek, what are you doing? You let her get away. -Yeah, so what. -Shrek. There's something about her that you don't know. -I talked to her last night. She's... -Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pal, aren't you? Now, if you two are such good friend, why didn't you follow her home? -Shrek. I want to go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone. My swamp, me and nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But. I thought... -Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong. Shrek. Donkey? What are you doing? I was thinking of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Well, yeah. But the wall supposed to go around my swamp. Not through it. It is around your half. See? That's your half and this is my half. Oh, your half? Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head -Back off! -No. You back off! -This is my swamp. -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go! -Stubborn jackass. -Smelly Ogre. Fine! Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you, yet. -Well, I'm through with you! -Well, you know. You were always me, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me, you insult me, you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? Because that's what friend do. They forgive each other! Oh, yeah. You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabbing me in the back! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Just like you did it to Fiona. And all she ever do, was like you. Maybe even love you. Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature. -I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. She was talking about... ...somebody else. She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about? No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right? -Donkey. -No! Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's the friends are for, right? -Right. -Friends? -Friends. So? What did Fiona said about me? Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her. The wedding! We'll never make it in time! Never fear! For where there is a will, there is a way. And I have I way. Donkey? -I guess this is just my act of magnetism. -Oh, come here, you. All right. All right. Don't get all started. No one likes kissass. All right, hop on. Hold on tight. I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts, yet. People of Duloc. We gather here today to bear witness to reunion of our new king... Excuse me. Could you just skip ahead to "I do's"? Go on. Go ahead and have some fun, if we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait a minute. You want to do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -It's the line, it's the line you got to wait for. The priest is going to say: "Speak now or forever hold your peace". And that's where you say: "I object". -I don't have time for this. -Wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You want to hold her! -Yes. -Please her! -Yes! Then you got to, got to try a little tender love. -The chicks love that romantic crap. -All right. Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? We got to check it out. And as so by the power of these two... What do you see? -I now pronounce you... -There they go! -...he all ready said it. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. I object! Shrek? Oh, now what does he want? Hi, everyone. Having a good time, aren't you? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive, when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding... -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me. -But you can't marry him! -And why not? Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -What do you know about true love? -Well, I ...I'm in... Oh, this is precious. The Ogre has fallen in love with the princess. Laugh. Shrek. Is this true? Who cares. It's preposterious. Fiona, my love, we gonna kiss away for our happily ever after. Now kiss me! By night one way, by day another. I wanted to show you before. Well. That explains a lot. Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. I order you to get them out of my sight. -Now! Get them! Get them, both! -No! This marriage is minding, and that makes me king. See? See? -Shrek! -No. -Don't just stand there, you dogs. -Get out of my way. No! Shrek! -And as for you my wife. -Fiona! I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I will have order. I will have potential. I will have... All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? Go ahead Shrek. -Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? I love you. Really? Really, really. I love you too. A time for true love's first kiss... Fiona? Fiona? Are you all right? Yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. But you are beautiful. I was hoping this would be a happy ending. God bless us, everyone.

[earlysunsets-2005]

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess, you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A, what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me. -Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right. That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk. Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man. -Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man. -The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy. Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least. Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one? Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no. Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason, donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them? You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m, Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story. Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really? -Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down. Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now, please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that! Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway? Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a..., something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???. That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey, look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti. Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek. I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did. Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of the dragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a little unorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah, no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, you wouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's a perk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? You think, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love. What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now, now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre. Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one, who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You should ask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre and his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put me down or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's another question. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how you let her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt? But you don't get burned to a crisp neither. How do you do this? Just tell her, she's not your true love. Everyone knows it what happens when you find... Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better. Oh, yeah. You gonna love it there princess. It's beautiful. And what of my groom to be, lord Farquaad. What's he like? Well, let me put it this way, princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. Oh no, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You know, you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad. Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. But I'd like you do that measuring when you see him tomorrow Tomorrow? It will take that long? -Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No. That would take longer. We can keep going. But there are robbers in the woods. Whoa, time out Shrek. Camp is definitely something that sounds good. Hey. Come on. I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest. I need to find somewhere to camp, now! Hey, over here. Shrek, we can do better than that. Now, I don't think this is decent for princess. No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Homey touches? Like what? A door. Well, gentleman I'll be d..., good night. Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story, 'cause I will... I said good night! Shrek! What are you doing? I just..., you know... Oh, come on, I was just kidding. And that one, that's Throwback. The only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future form these stars? Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look. There's Blodna, the "Flatulent" You can guess what he is famous for. All right. Now I know you're making this up. No. Look. There he is and there's the group of hunters running away from his stag. Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots. You know donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Forget it. Hey Shrek. What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back, anyway? -Our swamp? -You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. We? Donkey, there is no we. There's no our. There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do, is build a ten foot wall around my land. You cut me deep Shrek, you cut me real deep just now. You know, what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. No, do you think? -Are you hiding something? -Never mind Donkey. Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? No. This is one of those drop it and leave it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Oh, Why you block? -I'm not blocking. -Oh yes you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who? Everyone, ok? -Oh, now we're getting somewhere. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. Hey, what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway? Look. I'm not the one with the problem, ok? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go: AAA... Help! Run! A big stupid ugly Ogre. They judge me, before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. You know what? When we met, I didn't think you're just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Yeah, I know. So, a... Are there any donkeys up there? Well, there's a Cabby. The small and annoying. Ok, ok. I see him, now. Big shining one, right there. That one, over there? That's the moon. Again. Show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Perfect. Yeah. You know I like like that. Oh come on baby... -Donkey. Wake up. -What? -Wake up. Morning. How do you like your eggs? -Good morning princess. -What's all this about? You know, we kind of got of to a bad start yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. Thanks. Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in I always say. But that's no way to behave in front of a princess. -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. You know. You're not exactly what I've expected. Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. Princess! What are you doing? ???mon shery, for I am your saviour. And I am rescuing you from this green...beast. Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own. Please, monster. Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are. Oh, of course. How rude that was. Please, let me introduce myself. Oh marry men! Man, that was annoying. Oh, you little... Shall we? ???all the forin??? Whoa, hold on, now. Where did that come from? -What? -That. Back there. That was amazing. Where did you learn that? Well, when one lives alone one has to learn these things in case there's a... There is an arrow in your butt. What? Oh, would you look at that. Oh, no... This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt! -Oh, no. Shrek's going to die. -Donkey, I'm ok. You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head ???. -Does anyone know how to handle... -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of the Donkey. Now, you hold still and I'll yank this thing out. -Hey! Easy with the yanking. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. No, no. It's tender. What you're doing here is the opposite... -Don't move. -Ok, look. Time out. -Would you... Ok. What do you propose we do? Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Hold on, Shrek. I'm coming! Not good. Ok, ok, I can lose it. It's just about it. Nothing happened. We were just a... Look if you want to be alone, all you had to do is ask, ok? Oh, come on. That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just... Au! Hey, what's that? Is that... There it is, princess. -Your future awaits you. -That's Duloc? Yeah. I know. You'll shrink things lord Farquaad is compensating for something, which I think needs, he has a I guess we better move on. Sure, but Shrek... -I'm worried about Donkey. -What? I mean. Look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -Well, that's what they always say. And the next thing you know you're on your back. -Dead! -You know she's right. You look awful. -Do you want to sit down? -You know, I'll make you up some tea. Well, I won't say nothing, but I've got this twinge in my neck. And if I turn my neck like this, look. Au, see? -He's hungry. I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. Hey, where are you going? Oh man, I can't feel my thumbs. I don't have any thumbs!!! I think I need a hug. This is good. This is really good. -What is this? -Wheat rat. -Rotisserie style. -No kidding. -Oh, this is delicious. -Well, they also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheat rat stew. I guess I'll be dining a little different late tomorrow night. Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toast, soup fish, eye tartar. You name it. I'd like that. -Ah... , princess? -Yes, Shrek? I'm a.... I was wondering. Are you... a... Are you gonna eat that? Man, isn't this romantic. Just look at that sunset. Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's going on here. You're afraid of the dark. Aren't you? Yes, yes. That's it. That's, I'm terrified. You know I'll better go inside. But don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark too. Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. -Good night. -Good night. Ahh. Now I really see what's going on here. Oh, what are you talking about. Hey I don't wanna even hear. Look, I'm an animal and I got instincts. And I know that you two are digging on each other. I can feel it. Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the fairemones. Just go in there and tell her how you feel. There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that... well you know. I'm not saying that I do, 'cause I don't. She's a princess and I'm... ...an Ogre. Yeah, an Ogre. -Hey, where are you going? -To get more firewood. Princess. Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? It's very spooky in here and are we playing little games. -No, no. -Help! Shrek! Shrek! -No. -Shrek! -It's ok. It's ok. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, shhh. I'm the princess. -It's me, in this body. -Oh my god. You ate the princess. -Can you hear me? -Donkey! Listen, keep breathing. I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! This is me. Princess? What happened to you? You're a... different. -I'm ugly, ok? -Yeah. Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats were a bad idea. -You are what you eat, I say. -No. I've been this way as long as I can remember. What do you mean? Look, I've never seen you like this before. It only happens when the sun goes down. By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss. Then, take love's true form... -Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's the spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast. I was placed in a tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this? All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Wait, wait, I'll not lie, you are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess is meant to look. Princess. How about if you don't marry Farquaad? I have to. Only my true love's kiss can brake the spell. But you know, you're kind of an Ogre. And Shrek... Well you've got a lot in common. Shrek? Princess, I... How is it going first of all? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty. And, well, I don't really like it, but I thought you may like it, because you're pretty. But I like you anyway. A.... I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go. Who could ever love a piece so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek, but only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. Well, at least you've got tell Shrek the truth. No, no. You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know. What's the point of being unable to talk? You got to keep secrets. Promise you won't tell. Promise! You know, before this is over, I'm going to need whole lot of serious therapies. All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. Look at my eye twitching. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. I tell him not. I tell him! Shrek! Shrek! There's something I want ... Shrek. Are you all right? Perfect. Never been better. I... There's something I have to tell you. You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night. -You've heard what I said? -Every word. I thought you'd understand? Oh, I understand! Like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast! -I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah, well, it does. Ah, right on time. Princess. I brought you a little something. What I missed? What I missed? -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. Very well, Ogre. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. Take it and go. Before I change my mind. Forgive me princess for startling you, but you startled me. For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before. -I am lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no... forgive me my lord for I was just saying short... farewell. Oh. That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the Ogre. -It's not like it has feelings. -No. You're right. It doesn't. Princess Fiona, beautiful fair flawless Fiona, I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wedd... No! I mean I... Why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset. Oh, anxious are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do. There is the camera, the cake, the band, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests. Farewell Ogre. Shrek, what are you doing? You let her get away. -Yeah, so what. -Shrek. There's something about her that you don't know. -I talked to her last night. She's... -Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pal, aren't you? Now, if you two are such good friend, why didn't you follow her home? -Shrek. I want to go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone. My swamp, me and nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But. I thought... -Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong. Shrek. Donkey? What are you doing? I was thinking of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Well, yeah. But the wall supposed to go around my swamp. Not through it. It is around your half. See? That's your half and this is my half. Oh, your half? Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head -Back off! -No. You back off! -This is my swamp. -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go! -Stubborn jackass. -Smelly Ogre. Fine! Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you, yet. -Well, I'm through with you! -Well, you know. You were always me, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me, you insult me, you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? Because that's what friend do. They forgive each other! Oh, yeah. You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabbing me in the back! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Just like you did it to Fiona. And all she ever do, was like you. Maybe even love you. Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature. -I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. She was talking about... ...somebody else. She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about? No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right? -Donkey. -No! Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's the friends are for, right? -Right. -Friends? -Friends. So? What did Fiona said about me? Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her. The wedding! We'll never make it in time! Never fear! For where there is a will, there is a way. And I have I way. Donkey? -I guess this is just my act of magnetism. -Oh, come here, you. All right. All right. Don't get all started. No one likes kissass. All right, hop on. Hold on tight. I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts, yet. People of Duloc. We gather here today to bear witness to reunion of our new king... Excuse me. Could you just skip ahead to "I do's"? Go on. Go ahead and have some fun, if we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait a minute. You want to do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -It's the line, it's the line you got to wait for. The priest is going to say: "Speak now or forever hold your peace". And that's where you say: "I object". -I don't have time for this. -Wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You want to hold her! -Yes. -Please her! -Yes! Then you got to, got to try a little tender love. -The chicks love that romantic crap. -All right. Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? We got to check it out. And as so by the power of these two... What do you see? -I now pronounce you... -There they go! -...he all ready said it. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. I object! Shrek? Oh, now what does he want? Hi, everyone. Having a good time, aren't you? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive, when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding... -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me. -But you can't marry him! -And why not? Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -What do you know about true love? -Well, I ...I'm in... Oh, this is precious. The Ogre has fallen in love with the princess. Laugh. Shrek. Is this true? Who cares. It's preposterious. Fiona, my love, we gonna kiss away for our happily ever after. Now kiss me! By night one way, by day another. I wanted to show you before. Well. That explains a lot. Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. I order you to get them out of my sight. -Now! Get them! Get them, both! -No! This marriage is minding, and that makes me king. See? See? -Shrek! -No. -Don't just stand there, you dogs. -Get out of my way. No! Shrek! -And as for you my wife. -Fiona! I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I will have order. I will have potential. I will have... All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? Go ahead Shrek. -Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? I love you. Really? Really, really. I love you too. A time for true love's first kiss... Fiona? Fiona? Are you all right? Yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. But you are beautiful. I was hoping this would be a happy ending. God bless us, everyone.

[literatehiss]

Try Again - A series of firsts

Read from the start on tumblr here or on AO3 here Chapter: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 First Dinner Elias had been busy the first day, setting things up and probably bribing some people into making the adoption process go by much faster. Jon had heard a knock at his new bedroom door and a bowl of pasta had been pushed into his hands while Elias continued to talk on the phone.  The second day Elias had rushed off for a “very important meeting” just before dinner had ordered delivery for Jon just before he left.  It was on the third day since Elias had taken Jon away, three days since his grandmother had died, that the two of them finally sat down for a meal.

It had been delivery again, apparently, while Elias could and would cook occasionally, he generally didn’t bother especially since he was so very busy. It was Thai and Jon had never had it before, his grandmother must not have been fond of it. He thought it was going to be another meal spent alone and was surprised by the amount of food that came to the door. He was sat down at dinner table, crunching on a sort of battered dough sticks that were sweet and salty and peanut-ty type dish that he was working steadily towards completely demolishing when a suited arm reached over his shoulder and plucked a few of the battered sticks out of the plastic tub. “Slow down Jonathan, I would like to get some of them thank you.” Elias sat down opposite him and started portioning out the various containers. They ate in mostly silence and Jon was sipping gingerly at a citrusy sour soup when Elias finally spoke. “I am sorry that I have not been paying enough attention to you Jon. It has been a hectic few days. I hope you have not been too bored.” Jon shook his head, Elias had a large enough bookcase in his living room that, despite them perhaps not being for his age range, he had plenty to read. “Well I have to go back to the Institute tomorrow,” seeing Jon’s perplexed looked he explained, “The Magnus Institute, it is where I work. Anyway, you will be coming with me and while I suggest you find something to do to fill your time there, I will have some things I want you to specifically read and do while we are there.” And with no more explanation despite Jon’s insistent questions, Elias went back to picking at his food and somehow leaving Jon feeling like he was being watched while seemingly looking in a completely different direction.

First Day at the Institute The air was cold and Jon wrapped his coat around him as they walked to the Institute. Elias had given his ratty coat a derisive look and had muttered something about shopping but Jon hated the thought of having to go around shops to buy clothes and decided to leave the man to it. It was very early in the morning, half-past five and Jon wasn’t all too happy about being up this early. Elias pulled a set of keys from his own jacket and unlocked the front doors of the Institute. Jon looked down at his feet, at the shiny marble floors and waved his hand to watch his reflection. Jon’s trainers thudded against the floor as he ran to catch up with Elias who had walked away, his posh dress shoes clicking against the stone and then eventually wooden floors. He gazed at the large, ancient wooden desk that sat in the middle of Elias’s office before the man waved him over to a couch. “Get some more sleep Jon, we can have our first lesson once you wake up at a more reasonable time.”

First Lesson

“What are you scared of Jonathan?”

Elias had woken Jon up about an hour ago. There was a take-out mug of coffee and some kind of pastry in front of the older man, a mug of sweet tea and a breakfast sandwich in front of the seat Jon sat at. Elias watched in amused confusion as Jon picked the sandwich apart before eating all the layers individually.

“Spiders.”

“But why are you scared of spiders?” The man’s stare was off putting and Jon flushed, embarrassed by his own fear. The thought of the book made him feel a little sick and it almost put him off his breakfast.

“The book. Mr Spider hurt that other boy he was going to… he was going to eat me and I couldn’t do anything about it.” Elias nodded along.

“Right. So what you fear, was not the spider in particular, but that it could control what you did. That it could hurt you without you being able to resist in any way.”

“I-I-I g-guess so?” Jon hadn’t thought of it that way, but he couldn’t disagree with Elias’s words. The thought of being controlled certainly did make him feel scared.

“I want you to consider things that people are scared of, heights, the dark, spiders, for example and then I want you to think about the deeper reasons someone might be afraid of those things”

“I still don’t understand what this has to do with archiving, that’s what you want me for right?” Jon tried not to sound too confused, too desperate to do well.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older. I want you to work on that until mid-day. After you have had lunch you can have the rest of the day to yourself. I ask that you don’t wander too far, I recommend the library.” Elias looked away and left Jon staring at the piece of paper that lay in front of him.

First Argument

“No” “Jonathan-” “No!” “You are being unreasonable” “I don’t want to!!”

Elias leaned against Jon’s bedroom door with a heavy thud and sighed. “It is only a few hours, then we can leave. You can have as much of the buffet as you like, I won’t even scold you for eating too many sweets.”

The door creaked open to the face of the upset child Elias was trying to convince to come to the Institute fundraiser. So far he had failed to even get Jon into the suit laid out on his bed.

“Don’t wanna talk to a bunch of boring adults and that,” he gestured to the suit, “feels weird, I don’t like it” He had put on the white button-up but the trousers were just too much apparently. He was still wearing his pyjama bottoms.

“You don’t even need to talk to most of them, I just need to make sure certain people know you exist. Will you wear the suit if you can wear something else instead of those trousers?”

“Whatever I like?”

“As long as it is black, yes.”

“Is Ms Robinson going to be there?”

“No-”

The door slammed closed in his face and Elias spent a quick minute gentling his own rage and the rudeness. He raised his fist to knock on the door again.

Jon came out wearing the full suit, the only change being a long, plain black skirt. He held out a length of fabric in his hands, wordlessly asking Elias to tie it for him. Elias shrugged and accepted it, the outfit didn’t look too bad all things considered.

First Time Jon Went to Elias for Comfort

The fundraiser had gone better than Elias could have hoped for. Jon hadn’t caused a fuss and had spent most of his time trying everything on the large buffet. He had even tried a sip of Elias’s Champagne before scrunching his face up in disgust. He had met the other avatars gracefully and hadn’t said anything to insult any of them which was Elias’s biggest fear of this whole experience.

The night was coming to a close and Jon was acting oddly. He hadn’t been a chatterbox throughout the night, though Simon had gotten him into a conversation about different roller-coasters around the world, but he had become uncomfortable and sullen in the past few minutes. He finished his conversation with the Institute patron he was talking to and pulled Jon a little bit away.

“Jon, Jon what is wrong? You have been doing so well for me all night.”

He looked into Jon’s face to see tears building in his eyes.

“Jonathan?!” Jon flinched a little and put his hands over his ears and suddenly Elias knew exactly what was happening. You couldn’t be married to Peter for as long as he had without recognising the signs of someone getting overstimulated. He stood up from his crouch and hurriedly found Rosie, mentioning that he was heading out, pulling Jon with him. He didn’t bother waiting until they got home, dragging Jon to his office and pushing him onto the sofa. He left Jon for a moment to grab the young boy a glass of water. Normally with Peter, he would get him a glass of scotch and just leave him be, but Peter was a grown man, Jon was just a child.

Jon choked down the water with shaking hands. The shuddering eventually calmed down and Jon looked up at him with a hesitant look in his eyes. He seemed to stare at him for a moment before flinging himself into Elias’s arms, crying a little into his suit.

Elias was not an affectionate man, not like this. He was more used to pats on the shoulder, but something about Jon coming to him for comfort made his cold heart grow warm. He shifted and sat down onto the floor, letting his charge cry.

Jon might one day be a terrifying force of nature, but for now he was just a scared child and Elias had no problem making sure that he would associate Elias with comfort. It could only serve him well in the future and could never backfire, it wasn’t like he would grow fond of the child after all.

[pastelkittyx]

The Entire Script of Shrek ‘cause why not

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess, you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A, what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me. -Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right. That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk. Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man. -Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man. -The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy. Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least. Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one? Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no. Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason, donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them? You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m, Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story. Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really? -Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down. Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now, please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that! Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway? Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a..., something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???. That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey, look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti. Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek. I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did. Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of the dragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a little unorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah, no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, you wouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's a perk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? You think, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love. What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now, now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre. Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one, who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You should ask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre and his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put me down or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's another question. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how you let her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt? But you don't get burned to a crisp neither. How do you do this? Just tell her, she's not your true love. Everyone knows it what happens when you find... Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better. Oh, yeah. You gonna love it there princess. It's beautiful. And what of my groom to be, lord Farquaad. What's he like? Well, let me put it this way, princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. Oh no, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You know, you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad. Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. But I'd like you do that measuring when you see him tomorrow Tomorrow? It will take that long? -Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No. That would take longer. We can keep going. But there are robbers in the woods. Whoa, time out Shrek. Camp is definitely something that sounds good. Hey. Come on. I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest. I need to find somewhere to camp, now! Hey, over here. Shrek, we can do better than that. Now, I don't think this is decent for princess. No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Homey touches? Like what? A door. Well, gentleman I'll be d..., good night. Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story, 'cause I will... I said good night! Shrek! What are you doing? I just..., you know... Oh, come on, I was just kidding. And that one, that's Throwback. The only Ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future form these stars? Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look. There's Blodna, the "Flatulent" You can guess what he is famous for. All right. Now I know you're making this up. No. Look. There he is and there's the group of hunters running away from his stag. Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots. You know donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Forget it. Hey Shrek. What are you gonna do when we get our swamp back, anyway? -Our swamp? -You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. We? Donkey, there is no we. There's no our. There's just me and my swamp. And the first thing I'm gonna do, is build a ten foot wall around my land. You cut me deep Shrek, you cut me real deep just now. You know, what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. No, do you think? -Are you hiding something? -Never mind Donkey. Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? No. This is one of those drop it and leave it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Oh, Why you block? -I'm not blocking. -Oh yes you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who? Everyone, ok? -Oh, now we're getting somewhere. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. Hey, what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway? Look. I'm not the one with the problem, ok? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go: AAA... Help! Run! A big stupid ugly Ogre. They judge me, before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. You know what? When we met, I didn't think you're just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Yeah, I know. So, a... Are there any donkeys up there? Well, there's a Cabby. The small and annoying. Ok, ok. I see him, now. Big shining one, right there. That one, over there? That's the moon. Again. Show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Perfect. Yeah. You know I like like that. Oh come on baby... -Donkey. Wake up. -What? -Wake up. Morning. How do you like your eggs? -Good morning princess. -What's all this about? You know, we kind of got of to a bad start yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. Thanks. Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in I always say. But that's no way to behave in front of a princess. -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. You know. You're not exactly what I've expected. Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. Princess! What are you doing? ???mon shery, for I am your saviour. And I am rescuing you from this green...beast. Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own. Please, monster. Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are. Oh, of course. How rude that was. Please, let me introduce myself. Oh marry men! Man, that was annoying. Oh, you little... Shall we? ???all the forin??? Whoa, hold on, now. Where did that come from? -What? -That. Back there. That was amazing. Where did you learn that? Well, when one lives alone one has to learn these things in case there's a... There is an arrow in your butt. What? Oh, would you look at that. Oh, no... This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt! -Oh, no. Shrek's going to die. -Donkey, I'm ok. You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head ???. -Does anyone know how to handle... -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of the Donkey. Now, you hold still and I'll yank this thing out. -Hey! Easy with the yanking. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. No, no. It's tender. What you're doing here is the opposite... -Don't move. -Ok, look. Time out. -Would you... Ok. What do you propose we do? Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Hold on, Shrek. I'm coming! Not good. Ok, ok, I can lose it. It's just about it. Nothing happened. We were just a... Look if you want to be alone, all you had to do is ask, ok? Oh, come on. That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just... Au! Hey, what's that? Is that... There it is, princess. -Your future awaits you. -That's Duloc? Yeah. I know. You'll shrink things lord Farquaad is compensating for something, which I think needs, he has a I guess we better move on. Sure, but Shrek... -I'm worried about Donkey. -What? I mean. Look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -Well, that's what they always say. And the next thing you know you're on your back. -Dead! -You know she's right. You look awful. -Do you want to sit down? -You know, I'll make you up some tea. Well, I won't say nothing, but I've got this twinge in my neck. And if I turn my neck like this, look. Au, see? -He's hungry. I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. Hey, where are you going? Oh man, I can't feel my thumbs. I don't have any thumbs!!! I think I need a hug. This is good. This is really good. -What is this? -Wheat rat. -Rotisserie style. -No kidding. -Oh, this is delicious. -Well, they also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheat rat stew. I guess I'll be dining a little different late tomorrow night. Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toast, soup fish, eye tartar. You name it. I'd like that. -Ah... , princess? -Yes, Shrek? I'm a.... I was wondering. Are you... a... Are you gonna eat that? Man, isn't this romantic. Just look at that sunset. Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's going on here. You're afraid of the dark. Aren't you? Yes, yes. That's it. That's, I'm terrified. You know I'll better go inside. But don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark too. Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. -Good night. -Good night. Ahh. Now I really see what's going on here. Oh, what are you talking about. Hey I don't wanna even hear. Look, I'm an animal and I got instincts. And I know that you two are digging on each other. I can feel it. Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the fairemones. Just go in there and tell her how you feel. There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that... well you know. I'm not saying that I do, 'cause I don't. She's a princess and I'm... ...an Ogre. Yeah, an Ogre. -Hey, where are you going? -To get more firewood. Princess. Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? It's very spooky in here and are we playing little games. -No, no. -Help! Shrek! Shrek! -No. -Shrek! -It's ok. It's ok. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, shhh. I'm the princess. -It's me, in this body. -Oh my god. You ate the princess. -Can you hear me? -Donkey! Listen, keep breathing. I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! This is me. Princess? What happened to you? You're a... different. -I'm ugly, ok? -Yeah. Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats were a bad idea. -You are what you eat, I say. -No. I've been this way as long as I can remember. What do you mean? Look, I've never seen you like this before. It only happens when the sun goes down. By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss. Then, take love's true form... -Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's the spell. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast. I was placed in a tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this? All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Wait, wait, I'll not lie, you are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess is meant to look. Princess. How about if you don't marry Farquaad? I have to. Only my true love's kiss can brake the spell. But you know, you're kind of an Ogre. And Shrek... Well you've got a lot in common. Shrek? Princess, I... How is it going first of all? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty. And, well, I don't really like it, but I thought you may like it, because you're pretty. But I like you anyway. A.... I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go. Who could ever love a piece so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek, but only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. Well, at least you've got tell Shrek the truth. No, no. You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know. What's the point of being unable to talk? You got to keep secrets. Promise you won't tell. Promise! You know, before this is over, I'm going to need whole lot of serious therapies. All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. Look at my eye twitching. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. I tell him not. I tell him! Shrek! Shrek! There's something I want ... Shrek. Are you all right? Perfect. Never been better. I... There's something I have to tell you. You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night. -You've heard what I said? -Every word. I thought you'd understand? Oh, I understand! Like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast! -I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah, well, it does. Ah, right on time. Princess. I brought you a little something. What I missed? What I missed? -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. Very well, Ogre. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. Take it and go. Before I change my mind. Forgive me princess for startling you, but you startled me. For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before. -I am lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no... forgive me my lord for I was just saying short... farewell. Oh. That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the Ogre. -It's not like it has feelings. -No. You're right. It doesn't. Princess Fiona, beautiful fair flawless Fiona, I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wedd... No! I mean I... Why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset. Oh, anxious are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do. There is the camera, the cake, the band, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests. Farewell Ogre. Shrek, what are you doing? You let her get away. -Yeah, so what. -Shrek. There's something about her that you don't know. -I talked to her last night. She's... -Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pal, aren't you? Now, if you two are such good friend, why didn't you follow her home? -Shrek. I want to go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone. My swamp, me and nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But. I thought... -Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong. Shrek. Donkey? What are you doing? I was thinking of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Well, yeah. But the wall supposed to go around my swamp. Not through it. It is around your half. See? That's your half and this is my half. Oh, your half? Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head -Back off! -No. You back off! -This is my swamp. -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go! -Stubborn jackass. -Smelly Ogre. Fine! Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you, yet. -Well, I'm through with you! -Well, you know. You were always me, me, me. Well, guess what? Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me, you insult me, you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? Because that's what friend do. They forgive each other! Oh, yeah. You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabbing me in the back! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Just like you did it to Fiona. And all she ever do, was like you. Maybe even love you. Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature. -I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. She was talking about... ...somebody else. She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about? No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right? -Donkey. -No! Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's the friends are for, right? -Right. -Friends? -Friends. So? What did Fiona said about me? Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her. The wedding! We'll never make it in time! Never fear! For where there is a will, there is a way. And I have I way. Donkey? -I guess this is just my act of magnetism. -Oh, come here, you. All right. All right. Don't get all started. No one likes kissass. All right, hop on. Hold on tight. I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts, yet. People of Duloc. We gather here today to bear witness to reunion of our new king... Excuse me. Could you just skip ahead to "I do's"? Go on. Go ahead and have some fun, if we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait a minute. You want to do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -It's the line, it's the line you got to wait for. The priest is going to say: "Speak now or forever hold your peace". And that's where you say: "I object". -I don't have time for this. -Wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You want to hold her! -Yes. -Please her! -Yes! Then you got to, got to try a little tender love. -The chicks love that romantic crap. -All right. Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? We got to check it out. And as so by the power of these two... What do you see? -I now pronounce you... -There they go! -...he all ready said it. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. I object! Shrek? Oh, now what does he want? Hi, everyone. Having a good time, aren't you? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive, when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding... -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me. -But you can't marry him! -And why not? Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -What do you know about true love? -Well, I ...I'm in... Oh, this is precious. The Ogre has fallen in love with the princess. Laugh. Shrek. Is this true? Who cares. It's preposterious. Fiona, my love, we gonna kiss away for our happily ever after. Now kiss me! By night one way, by day another. I wanted to show you before. Well. That explains a lot. Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. I order you to get them out of my sight. -Now! Get them! Get them, both! -No! This marriage is minding, and that makes me king. See? See? -Shrek! -No. -Don't just stand there, you dogs. -Get out of my way. No! Shrek! -And as for you my wife. -Fiona! I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I will have order. I will have potential. I will have... All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? Go ahead Shrek. -Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? I love you. Really? Really, really. I love you too. A time for true love's first kiss... Fiona? Fiona? Are you all right? Yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. But you are beautiful. I was hoping this would be a happy ending. God bless us, everyone.

[welcome-to-the-whumpfest]

The Meeting Room

Prologue   /   Part 1   /   Part 2   /   Part 3

__________________________________

How long has it been? One, two months? Angel doesn’t know. He hasn’t been outside the attic in God knows how long! He’s desperate for a hint of light, but not desperate enough that he would beg for it. No. He has stayed strong, stronger than they expected. He hasn’t broke and has no plan to. Other than Sir and Mistress, Angel hasn’t seen another soul since his arrival at this disgusting house. He’s so utterly sick of this place, he’d do anything to get out.

Well, almost anything.

The world shifts a tad when Sir enters the attic. He has that usual gleam in his eye, like he knows something Angel doesn’t. Sir loves feeling like he’s in control. It excites him. He feels powerful. However, it’s times like these that he’s at his weakness. His mind isn’t focusing on his proximity to Angel or the fact that he’s left a certain part of his body too close to Angel, completely unprotected. Unfortunately for Sir, Angel’s never one to pass up on an opportunity to take a shot at his captor.

Sir is too careless with his movements as he reaches towards Angel’s wrists – which are manacled above his head while he sits on the ground. A surprised and pained groan escapes Sir as Angel grips his chains lifting himself off the floor with enough momentum to kick his captor directly between his legs. Frustratingly, he’s lost so much strength, it doesn’t have the desired effect. No severe damage is done, but that doesn’t mean it is painless. 

Retaliating ragefully, Sir grips his firefly by his hair, yanking his neck back, exposing it. Then he shoots some magic into his prisoner’s collar, tightening it. Angel doesn’t care. It was bound to happen anyway. Good behavior doesn’t get rewarded; only bad behavior gets a reaction. Angel had tested it out. After getting bored, the crafty prisoner decided to see if being good – not attacking Sir when he put his guard down – would end up with a positive aftermath. He was wrong. Sir only seemed to enjoy hurting his firefly.

Angel doesn’t know why he expected anything different from a psychopath.

As his brain starts short-circuiting due to lack of air, Angel closes his eyes. He has been choked and strangled so many times after Sir discovered his dislike of neck touching. It is getting old. Angel is more fed up with his captor then the other way around, which he can’t seem to understand. It is the same thing every day: beat, choke, retaliate, beat. What was so exciting about that? Angel couldn’t understand it.

Angel’s eyes suddenly open. This isn’t right! He’s never been strangled this long before. Is-is Sir going to- to kill him? His face is turning blue due to lack of oxygen. Wait, when did he get out of the manacles? There’s something pressing into him. Oh, he’s being carried. The attic’s entrance… ‘s getting… clos… er…

*****

When Angel wakes up, he’s muzzled. Muzzled for crying out loud! The first thing he registers other than the harsh straps of the muzzle squeezing against his skin, is the muffled voices. Unfamiliar voices. A sliver of hope arises in his chest. Maybe, he can get out! The wish instantly vanishes when he makes out the chains around his wrists that are connected to a table where Sir is sitting in a chair above him. Ignoring the rattling of chains above him as he rubs his eyes, Angel blinks a few times before his blurry vision returns to normal. The room is vast with expensive furniture, a chandelier, and divine pictures. There are candles littered everywhere giving the room a dreamlike illumination. Still, it’s uncomfortable. It’s clear this is not Sir and Mistress’s house. Angel presses a palm to the ground to push himself up but stops abruptly when he feels the texture underneath his hand.

It’s a rug!

He hasn’t felt anything soft in so long. When the muffled voices start transforming into words, Angel knows his senses are finally coming back. That means it’s time to fight. Time to form a plan. Time to escape, and if that’s not possible, make Sir as miserable as possible.

It’s time to work.

“Sir you really must see the Collector’s toy. It’s the most gorgeous little thing I’ve ever seen!” A woman with a lavish, scarlet gown speaks with a pleasant air to Sir.

“So, I’ve heard.” Sir smiles that smile Angel knows all too well. “One moment.” Once the woman walks to the opposite side of the room (which is cluttered with important looking men in suits and women in gowns) Sir focuses his attention on his firefly, who is finally awake, looking as perfect as ever on the gorgeous rug beneath him. “Aren’t you a beauty.” Sir says under his breath, mostly to himself. Then his voice reaches his usual tone, “Now, little firefly, I’m going to leave momentarily, so don’t cause any harm until I come back.”

Angel makes sure not to give away any emotion or idea lingering in his eyes at this news. He doesn’t nod; he just stares at his captor expectantly. Every fiber of his being hates this muzzle, these chains, and sitting on the floor. It’s humiliating, especially in front of all these people who think they are worth so much more than he is.

He doesn’t think like a slave, pet, or whatever these revolting people think he should be. The only thought on his mind is escape. If he has to take down everyone in this room with him, he will in a heartbeat.

When Sir leaves, Angel remains chained to the table above him. Unsure if he should stand up or continue to observe the room from here, Angel notices something appalling. He’s not the only one in chains.

There are other individuals in muzzles, chained to their captors or tables above them. Angel isn’t having any of this, but he must be patient and careful in escaping. Suddenly, all of the people in formal attire, gather to the far end of the room. They seem to be looking at something. A large, burly man (a bit round in Angel’s opinion) appears to be the center of attention. His voice sounds like a king’s, able to control a room with a single word.

The man seems to be enjoying the attention; he wears a blue, velvet suit with a dark navy bowtie. He reeks of wealth. Everyone is gossiping about the man, and Angel is able to pick out his name, or at least what he’s called: The Collector. Nothing good can come of a title like that.

Sneakily, Angel slowly raises an arm to his muzzle. There’s a buckle he can undo easily enough. What? Did Sir expect him to obediently keep it on? That man is duller than he thought, but if he took it off, he’d still have the chains to deal with. More importantly, the collar around his neck. That’s when Angel sees it – on the floor just a little ways ahead of him – a bobby pin.

For once in his life, Angel is grateful for growing up on the street. He could pick the lock on his collar in his sleep. Easy! The chains may not be so easy; it would be too noisy. He’d have to come up with another idea for that.

As he crawls forward, at an agonizingly slow pace to reach the pin, he glances up making out what the Collector is showing off. Angel wants to throw up! Cornered in the room is a boy around his own age. He has thick, brown hair, which he is purposely pushing over his face in a pathetic attempt to hide. Angel can see him shivering from the opposite side of the room. Everything about this is so wrong!

Snatching the bobby pin, Angel leans back to hear the Collector’s voice over the whispering crowd. He’s talking to the boy. “Look up. Let them see your pretty face.” Of course, Angel can’t see his face from where he’s sitting on the ground, but he can already imagine the fearful look the poor boy must be giving. He’s never seen anyone shake that badly.

That means the boy… he’s broken.

Angel is really going to throw up! Trying to rip his thought away from the unfortunate boy, he starts fiddling with the pin as unassumingly as possible. The collar will have to be the first thing to go.

As the crowd packs together a bit tighter to get a better look, some of the audience members glance around at the other muzzled individuals. Now that there is no line to look around, a few of the wealthy stray and begin walking around. One man in particular with dark skin and nearly black eyes is coming far too close to Angel’s location. A tighter grip of uneasiness sickens his stomach. Angel looks down at the ground, slowly drawing nearer to the table and hiding the collar behind him - hoping that no one will notice its absence. If he can pick lock the chains from the table, he might have a chance.

But he’s running out of time!

The man is gradually nearing him, Angel quickly works on the chains attached to the table. A faint “clinking” sounds from the right one. Now for the left –

“Well aren’t you a mischievous one?” The dark man is now directly before Angel; he’s crouching down to get a better look. Stealthily holding the right chain to the table, he hopes the man won’t notice that it’s no longer attached. Slim chance of that. “You’re certainly a beautiful little thing, aren’t ya? Too bad Sir isn’t selling ya. I’d pay a pretty price for your stunning eyes alone.” Angel keeps his eyes away from the man – since that’s what the other muzzled ones do – and uses his muscle memory to try and unlock the left chain. He almost has it; he just needs to keep this man’s attention long enough. That isn’t a terribly difficult task seeing as though the man hasn’t stopped talking and is assumed to be a chatterbox. Wealthy people always are. “Who am I kidding, even me with all my money, couldn’t afford ya.” Reaching an arm out, the man pets Angel’s black waves with a heavy hand. Angel has to hold his breath to keep his hate out of his expression.

The Collector has stopped talking in the distance and the crowd has grown louder. As their volume rises, a sense of urgency sinks into Angel’s forcedly calm hands. The man is growing closer and closer to him. He can feel his warm breath tickle his eyelashes; he stinks of wine and expensive cologne.

The next events happen in the blink of an eye. Swiftly and in one motion, Angel frees his left wrist, wraps both the chains around the man’s neck, and brings them against his head – attempting to unbuckle his muzzle. He can only hope that no one notices the choking noises that the man is making; luckily for him, the man is far too surprised to fight being put in this hold, and now he’s securely tied still. Now, if only Angel’s can get his Advances to work – they have been suppressed for so long that it is a struggle to reawaken them – escaping would be so much simpler.

Standing up now, Angel eyes the nearest door. He can reach it! Taking a few steps forward, he feels the man before him start to grow heavy and more frantic. Thrashing about, the man’s long arm manages to snag the side of the table making a loud sound. At this, a few audience members turn.

Then. The room explodes with noise.

[readbeneaththelines]

His Possession Pt. 6

This is NSFW, PLEASE READ WITH DISCRETION.

A/N: Debts are collected, one way or the other. Unfortunately, you were the collection for your father’s debt.

Yoongi is ruthless, cunning, and obsessive.

Characters: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings’ violence, language

this chapter has an extra warning: Rough handling of reader. please read with caution.

Word Count: 2130

This is NSFW, PLEASE READ WITH DISCRETION.

cr. to gif owner

You awoke to the sensation of weight across your waist. With eyes still closed, your hand felt along the intruding object. You felt an arm, wrist, and fingers hold you from your right side. Opening one eye, you looked to your right, seeing a sleeping Yoongi next to you. You should have been startled, scared even, but you just watched him. He looked almost kind when he slept. No hard lines, no scowl on his face. You would even venture to say handsome, under any other circumstances. You tried to fidget your way from under him, but when you moved, so did he. His arm tugging you closer and you held your breath. Sleepy eyes opened and it took him a moment to realize the predicament. He shot upright, nearly falling off the bed as he tried to distance himself from you.

"I- I must have fallen asleep." He stammered out.

 "You did, but it's okay. You needed rest too. But I must say, I never pictured you as a cuddler."

"Shut up! You must be feeling better." You laughed at his flustered appearance, his hair tousled messily, and voice still groggy. 

"I am, thank you." You stretched your arms, a content sigh passing your lips. The sound stirred something low in Yoongi’s gut. Clearing his troat, he managed to squeak out an apology.

 “Sorry, I’m still trying to wake up.Why don’t I order you some food brought up. While you’re eating, and you will eat something, I’ll go shower.” You nodded in agreement, the audible growl of your stomach confirming you were, indeed, hungry. He called down to the kitchen, ordering you a light breakfast of toast and fruit, with juice. When it arrived he excused himself and hurried out of the room. 

The shower gave him time to calm down. But thinking about how you looked when you stretched, the way your back arched while you sighed in an innocent, yet completely seductive way, made him fight to keep his arousal in check. He couldn’t believe that, with you laid up in bed sick, he had a fleeting thought of you in any sexual manner. 

No way Yoongi! She’s your possession, not your lover.

The water ran cool as he began to fully awaken and think clearly. 

But damn, she felt good next to you.

He cursed himself under his breath at the lingering image of you lying net to him in his pyjamas. Which, in fact, did make you look even more inticing. Groaning loudly he quickly rinsed and got dressed. When he returned, he was pleased to see that you had cleared your plate. 

“Did I eat good enough, sir?” you asked coyly, a proud grin on your face. 

“Yes, it will help you get your energy back. You want anything else before I get going I have a lot to get done to make up for last night.” 

“I’m sorry about that. I hope you didn’t miss anything important because of me.” 

“Everything I have to do is important, but it can be made up if I get moving.” he stood in the doorway, watching you drink down the last of your juice.

 “The only thing I want is a bath. A nice long soaking bath. But I’ll manage until later.” A mental image of you naked, immersed in steaming hot water had Yoongi biting the inside of his cheek. How is it that he is having such images with you in your position. 

Because she is your possession, Yoongi. You own her, she is whatever you want her to be.

"I’ll call for one of the housemaids to help you draw a bath. But only after Dr. Choi or one of his assistants checks on you later.” He pulled out his phone, making a call. “They will be here within the hour, so you can get one after that.” 

“Yoongi?” you called his name softly. “Will you be gone all day? I mean, I was just wondering because I will be stuck up here all day by myself, and I have no one to talk to.” Yoongi rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I’ll send Kook up here, he’ll talk your ear off. You’ll beg for quiet after he’s done.” you both chuckle at the proclamation, You finding yourself admiring his gummy smile.

 “I think that’s the first time you have smiled since I’ve been here.” He dropped the grin and frowned suddenly. It was the first time in a long time that he had remembered genuinely smiling.

“I’ll see you later, Y/N. Try to get some more rest.” And with that he left, mentally smacking himself for his dirty thoughts.

“Bye.” you said to thin air, settling back under the covers. You were stirred awake by the voice of a woman beside you.

 “Good morning Miss. I’m Dr. Choi’s assistant, Marilu. I was just checking your vitals. You seem to be improving nicely. I’m sure you are ready to get this IV out. Let’s get this out and make you a bit more comfortable.”

 In mere minutes, you were free of the invading needle and tube. Afterwards, you were greeted by a smiling Jungkook at your door. His smile reminded you of a cute little bunny and your couldn’t help but smile back. He sat down beside you, and instantly you felt right at home in his presence. He ate lunch with you, all the while telling you his story. You learned how he became one of Yoongi's men. The close knit family that they all were. 

"So Yoongi is a good leader for you all?" You asked Jungkook.

 "Of course! After his parents died and he almost died, he changed. When he was younger, he was very much the hard headed rebel. It was his way or the highway. All the weight that is now on his shoulders, he carries himself. He had no one to help him, no one beside him. He allows us to have a family if we want, but only Joon and Jin have one. The rest of us remain loyal to him out of respect. He cares for us from a distance, making sure we are well taken care of. He is rough around the edges, but he is a good man." 

You listened carefully to what he told you. Everything Yoongi did, he did by himself. He carries the burden of a tight family on his own two shoulders, alone. Not only was he friend, but sometimes 'appa' to the younger men that grew up under his watchful eye.

“Why did he want to take me? I understand that it was to pay off an old debt, but he could have taken our money, taken over the family business as payment. So, why me?” Jungkook looked down, avoiding looking you in the eyes.

“Do you remember much of your childhood, Y/N? I mean before you really grew up? Your family and Yoongi’s family spent many summers together. Yoongi remembers when you were born. He remembers holding you as a baby when the families travelled together. He watched you grow up for the first few years. You were like family to him. And when he found out that your parents were involved with what happened, it broke his heart and angered him beyond measure. Taking you has more than one reason. He wants his revenge, yes, but it goes beyond that. I’m sorry, I’ve told you more than I should already.” 

“Yes, you have” Yoongi’s hushed voice came from behind Jungkook. Looking over Kook’s shoulder, you saw him standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Don’t be angry with him, I begged him to tell me. It’s my fault, not his. He only told me so I might understand things a bit better. He wasn’t trying to divulge anything secretive. Please, don’t be mad at him, if anything be mad at me.” you pleaded with Yoongi, who only stared at Jungkook. “Out, chatterbox. You better be thankful she is sacrificing herself in your place.” 

After Jungkook left, you were alone with Yoongi. You swung your legs over the side of the bed, facing the doorway. “Thank you for not yelling at him. It really wasn’t much he told me. Just that you and I grew up together, that you knew me before this. I want to say that I’m sorry for what my family did to yours. I’m sorry that there was nothing I could have done to stop it. It doesn't mean what you did was right, but I think if I was in your place, I could understand.” 

“You don’t understand anything, Y/N! I had no one growing up! You had both your parents, I had to do everything on my own. I had to run this family, I had to grow up overnight, unlike you. You got to enjoy your youth, have fun, be a kid. I had to become leader, confidant, and brother to all these men. You know nothing!” Yoongi slammed the door behind him, making you jump in your seat. He came within inches of you, his hot breath coming in waves over your face as he spoke, his tone calm and terrifying. “You know nothing, little girl, so don’t you dare patronize me with false sympathy.”

You leaned back onto the bed, cowering slightly from his angered tone. Your eyes searched his darkened orbs, reading the pain, anger, and frustration the displayed.

“It’s not false sympathy, Yoongi. I meant it. Every word. I’m sorry I was part of what happened to you. Even though I didn’t know anything, I’m part of my family so I am part of the problem. If me being your toy, your thing you own, if that will help make things right, then I will do whatever it takes to make up for what you went through.” you started to reach for his hand, but he jerked away from your touch. Your hand fell on your lap, your heart breaking for the broken man before you. 

“If we are done here, I’m going to take my hot bath now. If you would see yourself out, then I will get moving.” You rose to your feet, nearly falling because of your weak and unsteady legs. Yoongi was on his feet, grabbing your arms to hold you up. Once you were steady, you twisted from his grip and quietly walked to the bathroom. You closed the door behind you, then turned on the faucet and let the tub fill with steamy hot water as you stripped out of his clothes. After gathering towels and the necessities, you allowed your body to sink into the steaming water, the sting of hot water a welcomed intrusion. You lowered yourself until only the top of your shoulders and your head were above water. You stretch out achy legs, your head falling back onto the tub's rim. Vapor surrounded you as you added bath salts for aromatherapy. You sensed every fiber relaxing in the bath, your muscles easing and your tension melting away. 

Damn him, then. Such a stubborn ass.  He deserves to be all grumpy and miserable if he’s going to be like that anyway!

You complained and grumbled as you soothe your body. The cut on your cheek was healing nicely, and the bruises you got the day they held you tight to keep you from running were finally starting to fade. Before long there would be no visible sign of the hell you had gone through. Just the emotional scars would remain. Those thoughts brought you back to him. He surely had emotional and mental scars from what he had been through too. He had lived with his for the past twelve years. Your scars were just beginning to form. They were still fresh and ugly, his were hard and buried. Maybe one day your scars would match his. 

There was a knock at the door. “Go away Min Yoongi. I’m tired of trying to talk to your insolent stubborn ass.” You hollered back. When there was no answer you returned to closing your eyes. Wanting to wash your hair, you ducked under the water with a deep breath. Instantaneously you were jerked up by two strong hands. 

You screamed out, forgetting you were under water. Choking on water that you swallowed had you scared shitless. 

"Are you okay?" The tone one of fear.

"What the hell!" You spit out. Looking up you saw Yoongi, eyes wide and terror filled. " I heard you go under. I thought you passed out." 

"Get your hands off of me! I wasn't drowning, I was wetting my hair you idiot! You made me choke!" You were mad, and you couldn't contain your anger any more. "What do you care, you thoughtless uncaring monster!" He was taken aback by the name you called him, his hands letting go of you. 

So I am a monster.

@min-shookga-yoongi @beautifulseoulliar @agustd-suga-yoongii @astronomyturtle @aspaceformyself @dreamyoongi @holy-yoongi @trashkazuya @maxinaptak @micky1518 @rosiemilas @karri570 @seoulsunshineandstories @kwonnansi @xjamlessparkx @berryjam17 @kingsuckjin @kpoppingthempills

[clericbyers]

omg omg omg can i request from the prompt list 29 or 30 (whichever you prefer). I'm very curious to see what you think!! 👉👈

“Yo, bike wheels,” Max shouts right before tossing a bag of chips toward Mike’s head. He’s a little slow on the uptake and looks over just in time for the bag to smack him square in the face. Everyone else starts laughing while Mike’s sputtering, and Max leans back into El as she too can’t help her giggles.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me ‘bike wheels’?” Mike snaps back. He opens up the bag anyway and takes out a handful of chips before raising them up toward Will. Will whose lap Mike is currently resting his head on.

Will absentmindedly takes a few chips to his mouth, eyes glued to the novel in his right hand while his left hand returns to playing with Mike’s hair. It’s grossly domestic and Max is always wondering if they’re secretly together, but Will is starkly honest whenever he says that they aren’t. Max can tell he wants them to be though, so while the rest of the Party laughs and jokes about how affectionate Mike and Will are, she can’t quite muster up a full smile knowing Will wants more.

A soft kiss at the bottom of her ear pulls Max from her wandering thoughts and she turns to face her girlfriend fully. “You okay?” Max asks gently, reaching around to squeeze El’s hand for comfort.

El nods. “Yes. I am good.” The girl smiles and leans in to kiss Max’s nose. Max thinks El has a thing for freckles given her dating history so far. “Your nose was scrunched.”

El demonstrates Max’s expression and the redhead laughs. “Oh, I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Just thinking too hard.”

“You think now? That’s a first.”

“Shut it, Wheeler.”

“Yeah, shut it, Mike.” El giggles and wraps her arms around Max’s waist as she tucks her head in on her shoulder. “We’re talking between us girls right now.”

Mike makes a face and sticks his tongue out at El, who returns the gesture. They both giggle and Max once again feels so much relief that those two can still be friends despite the struggles they had with their final breakup. She remembers how much El sobbed in Max’s arms when she admitted that she didn’t love Mike like that anymore, how she felt like Mike didn’t love her anymore either. Max doesn’t hate Mike no matter how much of a dick he was to her when they met (and how much of an ass he still can be when he gets angry enough but she’s also a little rude in turn so it’s not purely Mike), but she was so angry at him for a while for breaking El’s heart. Turns out he was in a deep pit of self-hatred for falling out of love with El and into love with someone else. Unlike El though, his dumbass thought he didn’t have anyone to turn to and merely shut everyone out while trying to deal with his issues.

In a way, Max is also grateful for Will stepping up to the plate and helping Mike with whatever internal business was going on there. It was a bit of a scary time for the Party when Mike the chatterbox tuned out of life and stopped engaging (at least during summer ‘85 he was talking to people), and it incidentally made El feel worse about the whole situation even though she wasn’t at fault. But Max was there for El (even more once she broke things off with Lucas and he was really calm about that, what a kind soul) and Will was there for Mike. Max doesn’t know exactly what happened (she has her suspicions but it’s not really her business on Mike’s end of the breakup), but she found herself at the receiving end of a confession from El and well, here they are now four months later as girlfriends and Mike and El back to being friends.

Will places down his novel and leans back on his hands as he tilts his head up to the blue sky above. Max watches Mike, who was playing with the chip bag and now has his eyes cast on Will’s face. She watches his eyes carefully, how they soften and crinkle at the edges with a warmth she’d only seen directed at El before. She watches that warmth dissolve into something like fear. No, not quite fear. Anxiety, worry, disbelieve. Like he can’t quite believe not just what he’s seeing but what he’s feeling about what he sees. It’s gone in a flash and Mike rolls his eyes and turns back to the chip bag, though his mood already seems deflated as hell.

Will turns away from the sky with a low mumble that makes Mike chuckle and Max carefully watches Will too when the boy looks down. He takes his left hand back to Mike’s hair, but he’s so gentle about how his fingers tangle through those dark locks, how his lips pull into a frown filled with want and resignation. Max wonders if anyone else has noticed the way Mike and Will look at each other, or if she’s the only observant one in the group. Lucas and Dustin are typically often focused on other things when the Party is grouped together as a whole, but she’s sure Dustin of all people must have noticed by now.

She wonders if Mike and Will subconsciously notice the couple behavior they exhibit when they hang out with just Max and El like this.

When the sun starts to set, Mike and Will make their way back toward town. El wants to stay a little longer with Max, doesn’t want to go back to the Byers house where she’ll face her brothers and probably Mike if he didn’t go straight to the hotel room he’s sharing with Nancy while they visit.

“Do you notice it, too?” asks El in the silence of the incoming night.

Max shrugs and plays with her girlfriend’s fingers. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, babe.”

“Mike and Will.” she clarifies softly. “Why can’t they see they’re meant for each other?”

“You know how boys are. Oblivious and never wanting to see the truth.” El laughs and twines her fingers with Max’s own. “Sometimes I look at them and wonder if we were like that, too.”

El quickly shakes her head. “No. I was not confused about how I feel about you. Only sad I was hurting Mike.” She presses a kiss to Max’s hair and sighs. “I don’t like seeing him hurt. How can I make it stop?”

“You can’t.” Max returns a little more gruff than intended. “I mean, you can’t make yourself stop caring and you can’t make him stop hurting himself over this either. If he doesn’t want to do anything about his feelings, that’s on him.”

“I feel like I should do more. Is it bad that I am happy and he is not?”

“Oh, he’s happy,” Max closes her eyes and lets the breeze pass through her hair. “He can love Will without hurting you. He’s just not the happiest he could be.”

“Yes.” There’s silence for a moment before El stands up. “I want to talk to him tonight. He should tell Will like I told you.” She points to herself and then holds out a hand for Max. Max takes it and also takes the kiss El gives her. “Thank you.”

Max hums against El’s lips. “For what?”

“For liking me, too.”

“You’re far too cute for me not to like, El.” The brunette giggles and pulls Max into a hug before they make their way toward town, too. “What are you gonna say to Mike?”

“That he’s strong and brave and amazing,” she starts with a sparkle in her eyes. It used to make Max annoyed when El would talk about the boy so positively and happily, but Max quickly realized it was the same as when she would talk about Lucas. They both still cared about their exes as good friends and talking about the boys nicely did no one any harm. “He’s really great, Max, he only needs to see that himself. And have courage to tell Will. So I’ll give it to him! That will be my ‘do more’.”

And a week later, when Max, El, Mike, and Will hike up into the hills for their sun-basking picnic hangout, Mike and Will are holding hands and trying to act like they aren’t blushing as furiously as they actually are. Max nudges El, who sends her a smirk, and they both spend the rest of the day trying to act like they aren’t waiting to see the new boyfriends attempt to discreetly pass off a whisper as a kiss to the ear.