#I mean yes they speak in the first person but

[olderthannetfic]

Ayyy, there seems to be a lot of older people among the regular commenters of this blog so I'm gonna shoot my shot and ask for advice.

Idk if it's just the clinical depression but I can't help but feel like I'm never gonna find love as a straight girl. I don't hate men at all -- I've been very lucky to be surrounded by decent dudes growing up but shit. Lookin at the state of the world rn... Gen Z dudes chugging misogynist bullshit at alarming rates, women like Gisele Pelicot going through unspeakable shit from their own husbands... it's hard not to feel cynical. On top of that the decent dudes I know irl are all taken, I don't wanna go on dating apps, and as much as I wanna fuck an older man no decent one is gonna settle for a depressed young woman who's a 4 at best...

It's not that i don't have fulfilling friendships or that I don't value them, I just want to love and care for (and get dicked down by) a decent guy who feels the same way. I've always wanted that and I don't think it's changing anytime soon. Feels impossible though. I'm not sure if I'm the problem (I'm plain faced at best, no fashion sense or charm to speak of, though I do my best to be polite and kind) or there's just shit going on I've no control over.

--

People will give you a lot of placating nonsense, but the reality is that the supply of reasonably okay straight women is much higher than the supply of reasonably okay straight men. Finding a fulfilling long-term relationship is always hard anyway, but man... straight guys really need to step it up.

That said, a lot of people in general and straight guys in particular learn a lot from the breakdown of their first marriage/long-term relationship. Just because a guy is listening to godawful manosphere podcasts today doesn't mean he's never going to be dateable later.

Research on dating apps suggests that your average guy responds to pics where women have a lot of makeup on by looking for a hookup, passes by the ones with no makeup, and finds the ones with a little lipstick or something but not heavy makeup the most dateable.

While it would be nice if appearance didn't matter, if you're really worried about this, there are some basic things you can do where you'll get a lot of bang for your buck: Find one lipstick you can stand and learn to apply it. I like Bésame Cosmetics because I am a nerd and they sponsored a local film noir festival. Peggy Carter's lipstick was from them. They have the advantage of being intensely pigmented, so a quick swipe gives full coverage. I hate having shit on my face in general, so that's helpful. If eye stuff is less bleurgghhhh than lip stuff, learn to apply eyeliner instead. There are some liquid ones I really like even if it takes some practice to get decent at painting them on. You don't need a full face of makeup or really much of anything to read as Hot Girl™ to people who don't know anything about makeup and aren't paying much attention. Yes, even if you're a 4 and it's not just the depression talking.

Charm is hard. Some things can be taught, but a lot of that's innate. Fashion, however, is not. You don't need to be a fashionista to look better than a lot of the people around you. Save your money for fewer, better outfits. Buy things that fit well and get things tailored. Don't settle for ill-fitting clothes that don't make you feel good. Look for natural fibers and clothing that will last a long time. (And if you think you have sensitive skin that cannot handle natural fibers, you need to go up several price points on your cotton. Just saying.)

You can also increase your chances by doing activities where you meet more people who might be a good match. This means finding hobbies that actually have straight guys in them and going to in-person things where you meet new people. (This sounds obvious and pedantic, but I cannot tell you how many women I know who want a boyfriend but only do social things that are 95% women and 5% gay men.)

But the biggest thing you can do to stand out is... well... work on that depression. Self confidence and obviously being in a good place in your life are very attractive. Also, the good catches who haven't been snapped up tend to be the quiet, shy people. If you have your own shit together enough to detect and pursue them, you have a better chance of finding someone great.

I get that ~fix your depression~ is not helpful advice, but working on yourself in both important and relatively superficial ways is something you can control. Meeting the right person is not.

It might help to look at this as a 5-10-year goal and/or a lifetime goal, not a "Oh my god, my life sucks this year" problem. Yes, there's shit going on that you have no control over, but if that's your career and mental health and so on, you can work on that and be in a different place in a few years.

Frankly, I think a certain amount of cynicism is warranted, but that doesn't mean there are no decent guys or that you'll never find one.

[kawoala]

DRIVEN BY ADRENALINE suna rintarou. chapter 003 ; mcdonalds.

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 (757)

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 (filler chapter, short but sweet, only child! reader, a little angsty in regards to reader beung an only child, just backstory on reader + runa family, profanity, mcdonalds)

a/n: i dont do authors notes, and i probs wont do this again, but i wanted to wish all those who celebrate a very merry christmas !! i hope you eat yummy food and have a great time with your family !

When you get a text from Runa asking to join her for lunch, of course you say yes. It’s your fourth day here and you still haven’t made a peep to any of your classmates. Runa’s kind of the only person you know at university.

You meet her in front of your dorm building and the ride to Mcdonald’s isn’t too long. Apparently, they built this Mcdonald’s last year purely because it’s around a bunch of broke college kids.

Runa orders first and you order the same thing. Who knew you two were so similar? You sit down and, for the first few minutes, you’re both quiet.

Runa breaks the silence first by asking about your family.

“Oh, I’m an only child,” you say with a shrug. “My parents are also both only children, so I don’t really have a big family or anything. I only have a few cousins who are much, much older than me. Courtesy of my great aunts and uncles.” You shrug again and pop a fry in your mouth. “Um, my mom is a pediatrician, so she was never really home, and my dad works for the local newspaper.”

She nods along as you speak, watching you intently. Once you finish, she hums. “That’s too bad. Growing up without a lot of family, I mean.” She frowns slightly. “Your dad is a newspaper guy, though, is that why you want to teach English when you get older?”

“Um,” You think for a moment. “Maybe? I don’t know. I’ve just always been good at English.” You pause, then shake your head. “What about you? What’s your family like?”

Her eyes widen and she suddenly smiles widely. “Oh, I have a huge family. I have three brothers and one sister. I’m the oldest, which,” she rolls her eyes, “sucks, by the way. My mom passed away when I was little, but my dad works for a car company. Not selling them, building them. He’s, like, a genius. That’s why I got into cars. I’m assuming Rin told you about Atsumu’s dad’s car?” When you nod, she nods as well. “Yeah, they were always working on that stupid car. It was, like, twenty years old, but it was cool as fuck.”

You nod, taking a bite of your burger. “That sounds awesome. When I was younger I used to be super jealous of other kids with siblings. My house was always quiet, so I used to turn all the TV’s on and pretend that there were people in the house.” You laugh at the memory, but when you look at Runa, she’s frowning once again. “It’s okay, though,” you try to backtrack. “I liked my privacy, too. I never had to share a room, there was always hot water to shower with, never had to deal with siblings chasing after me with a knife or something.” You snicker and shrug again.

She stays quiet for a long moment. The two of you sit in silence again, just eating your food.

Eventually, you clear your throat. “So, um, what do you do for fun? You mentioned being a manager for your high school’s volleyball team, but what do you like to do now?” You raise your brows inquisitively. “Oh, what are you majoring in?”

“Communications,” she answers quickly. The sudden smile on her face almost makes you giggle. She sure does change emotions rather quickly. “I want to do something to do with public relations, maybe? I don’t know. When I was a manager I felt like I was doing something that fit, you know? So I’m thinking of becoming a PR manager for a sports team or something. Volleyball or maybe soccer.” She shrugs.

“That makes sense.” You nod. “I think you’d be good at marketing, too. You’re very…” you trail off, thinking. “Persuasive.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “I just talk a lot.”

You laugh, too, and look back down at your food. It’s nearly gone, but you don’t think you can finish it. “Do you want the rest of my fries?” You ask.

“Um, yeah, obviously.”

As you laugh once more and hand her the french fries, you can’t help but think that Runa is going to be a good friend. She’s funny and nice and she included you in something dear to her the first day you met her.

You go to sleep that night with a smile on your face for the first time in a while. Similarly, for the first time, you’re excited to wake up with Runa tomorrow.

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

@sahrii , @cherrysurf , @heartmaddie , @jpegarchives , @massacremars

@vertejay , @tiramizuloz , @gumims , @mybelovedvi , @chaotic-neutral-ig

@usbrous , @iheartamora , @iluv-ace , @xavlyzn , @velvetreds

@mysticstrawberryballoon , @h0n3y-l3m0n05 , @aethersluvrr , @smiithys

[miserymet]

Tragedy - Reploid Bass AU

Was digging through my old WIPs and found this bad boy. It’s technically unfinished (because I didn’t know how to end it) but it gets the main point across and establishes the where the plot is at post MMX7. Thought it might be interesting to those who want more details on the AU.

(quick timeline context; Bass gets his memories back post mmx6, disappears off the face of the earth and shows back up again halfway through mmx7)

Summary: Zero and Bass talk about one of Bass’ many regrets. In the process, Zero tries to connect the brother he knew as Forte to the stranger wearing his face.

“I wasn’t supposed to be here.”

The words are quiet. Not soft, as nothing Zero’s brother does is soft anymore, but they lack the usual bite. It’s enough to draw Zero’s attention to where Bass now sits. 

The chair holding him is old, a mundane relic of the furniture that was commonplace over a hundred years ago. It’s a miracle that it hasn’t crumbled under the weight of its occupant, but Bass had mentioned that the entire base was designed around its mechanical residents. Perhaps its creator imagined one of his robots might need to use a chair. Even if there’s not much of a difference between sitting and standing for them.

Zero’s surprised to see that Bass has his back turned to him. His brother isn’t too keen on letting Zero out of his sight nowadays, but his gaze is firmly fixed upon the screen in front of him now. Another uncharacteristic behavior. Zero sets aside the spare parts he was examining, all interest gone, and approaches the screen that has his brother so transfixed. It casts a dim light even in the darkness of the base, but the image is clear enough.

It’s an old contact log. A few lines of text sit at the bottom of the screen and for some reason, Zero feels the need to read them aloud.

“Bass. I made a mistake. I created something that I can’t control. You’re the only robot strong enough to stop it. Please help me.” He furrows his brow as he speaks the final line. “I’m sorry.”

“Six lines. Twenty six words. A hundred and fifteen characters.” Bass mutters.

“What does it mean?” 

It’s a genuine question, and maybe that’s why Bass laughs as though it’s the stupidest thing he could have asked. Zero waits with bitter patience for his brother to finish. This is typical of Bass’ new personality. Brash, abrasive, rude, all of these words and more fit the new image Zero’s brother has made for himself. Even his name is new. “Bass.” It’s been a bit of an adjustment to say the least.

Eventually, Bass manages to pull himself out of his laughing fit. His next words are the last thing Zero expects to hear.

“These are the words that killed me.”

“…I thought I did that.” Is all Zero can say to that. Bass laughs, much quieter this time.

“In the end, yeah.” His brother leans back in his seat. “But fighting you wasn’t-, I didn’t…”

“You ‘weren’t supposed’ to?” Zero volunteers.

“…I shouldn’t have.”

Bass goes quiet, lost in whatever old memories are haunting him today. Zero can’t help but feel frustrated. He used to know what to do when Bass…when Forte was upset. Whether it was about his lost memories, his weakness, his outdated code, Zero could always help. It’s different now.

Everything’s different now.

“Do you remember what I told you about our creator? How we didn’t really get along?” Bass starts, gaze still stuck on that old log.

“Because of your penchant for rebellion, yes.”

“That was only half of it. Yeah, I disobeyed him whenever I felt like it, but he wasn’t some doting father.” His brother turns to glare at him. “He was the most selfish, stubborn, stupid old man I ever met. Full of himself, too. You would have hated him.”

“That sounds a lot like you.” Zero can’t help the bite to his words. Maybe X was right. Maybe all this is getting to him. “Where are you going with this?”

“I was loyal at first. The old man had a lot of expectations for me, and I was determined to meet them. I didn’t. No matter how hard I tried, how strong I was, it was never going to be good enough if I couldn’t beat-,”

He stops abruptly, almost letting something slip. Something important. Bass is always vague about his old memories. He’s hiding something, but Zero can’t tell if it’s because it’s too risky or because he’s hoarding all that’s left of his past. It could really be either one. Zero isn’t sure he knows Bass all that well anymore.

“The point is, I was a failure to him. So he tried to move on. Build something else.” Bass shakes his head. “I couldn’t accept that. We fought. First it was just arguments, but it escalated. Before I knew it we were trying to kill each other.”

“What did you do?” Zero asks, though he’s not sure he wants to hear the answer.

“I left.”

Oh. Zero wasn’t expecting that.

“It sounds obvious, right?” His brother rests his head against his hand, expression flat. “But I wasn’t a reploid. I didn’t have the programming X or Axl did. It wasn’t as simple as changing my career. I was leaving my creator.”

“Bass…”

He doesn’t let Zero get a word in. “I agonized over it for days. What was I if not his robot? What could I even do without him? I was practically one foot out the door already, but I couldn’t move the other one. I…cared about him.”

Zero tries to imagine it. Bass, in his original body, standing beside a vague figure. His gaze sweeps across the room and Zero sees Bass sitting on a table full of junk, swinging his legs as he speaks to his creator. What did his face look like? Was it flat and cold, speaking in an even tone about plans or progress or whatever a man like that saw fit to discuss with his creation? Or was he annoyed, brow furrowed with one dipping lower than the other and mouth pulled into a small pout? Maybe it was a face Zero had never seen before, a soft smile, a wry grin that so clearly spelled out his amusement. 

He can only imagine. When he turns back to his brother, Bass wears the grimace he’s grown so used to.

“That was how I convinced myself to leave, in the end.” He breathes an empty sigh. “If I stayed, I might have hurt him. Might have let my anger take me to far and…”

His hands move in front of him, digits curled tightly around an invisible enemy. They hang in the air for a moment and shake. Then they fall. Bass lets his head follow them.

“You came back.” Zero speaks softly, trying for a gentleness he’s never been good at. “Why?”

Bass doesn’t pick up his head. “Same reason. I cared.”

“He made a robot, couldn’t control it and called you for help.” It feels both more and less real when he says it aloud. “He called you to your death.”

“And I came. I came because I am a fucking idiot.”

Zero blinks at the harsh language. Bass is far from the composed brother he knew, but even he didn’t use that language regularly. It feels strange. Forte would never, but Bass…it fits him a little more.

“He didn’t even have to apologize. The moment he came to me for help, the moment he called me strong-,” Bass grips his head in his hands. “All my conviction disappeared. I walked into that lab, this lab-!” He throws out his hands, nearly hitting Zero, “and I died for the man that tried to kill me!”

Zero doesn’t know what to say. What can he say? This is something he’s just learned, a grief he can only imagine. Bass has lived with this knowledge since the day he got his memories back. How did he feel, waking up and knowing that he lost everything to a man long gone? How do you live with that burden? How do you keep fighting?

Bass shoots up from his chair, gaze now fixed on Zero. There’s so much behind his eyes that Zero can’t see. A world no one alive has any hope of understanding.

“I was so close to being happy! To having something other than a worthless creator who only tolerated me as long as he could use me!”

His brother takes a step forward, the light of the screen illuminating every tear that falls from his face.

“And he took that from me! You took that from me!”

“I’m sorry-“

Zero sees the punch coming. He almost dodges. It’s what every self-preservation program in him begs him to do. He doesn’t. He takes it. The punch is hard, snapping his head to the side quite painfully. He doesn’t flinch. Not even when Bass’ fist splits the synthetic skin of his cheek. All he does is look back at his brother.

Bass stands there, eyes wide and mouth open. His arm hangs in the air. He can see the grime left on his hands. Can see the tension in every part of his body. Then, it shifts. Bass drops his hand and closes his mouth. That glare returns, fierce as ever.

“Don’t pity me. It’s too late for that.”

Zero tries to find his words. “I don’t-,”

“That hit only landed because you let it.” Bass casts his gaze to the side. “Everything I do to you is because you let me. Even in this body, I’m not strong enough.”

[women-in-ssports]

FOREVER AND A DAY

Ch 3

Are you Gay?

AZZI POV

As Azzi scanned her room for what felt like the millionth time making sure she had everything she needed for the day, her mind kept picturing the list with her name on it. The varsity list, as a freshman no less. She didn’t tell her parents because even though her name was on the Varsity list didn’t mean she was on varsity. It just meant she was practicing with them today to see how she did. The nerves were more than set in, no freshman in the history of the basketball program has made varsity. Azzi being the first was to crazy of a thought to think about.

As she walked down stairs she made sure to smooth her face into neutrality with a hint of nervousness. Exactly what her parents would expect from her going into the last day of tryouts. Quickly grabbing her lunch off the counter she gave her parents quick hugs and ran for the bus she was already late for.

Sitting in math her friend Alyssa came up to her rather nervously.

“Hey Azzi!” Alyssa spoke without meeting her eyes. “Do you know that transfer girl, Paige you have been hanging out with”

“yes” Azzi answered matter of factly, searching Alyssa’s face but not saying anything more

“Do you know if she’s gay? Because I would really like to ask her out!”

Azzi’s eyes shot up to meet Alyssa’s wondering ones. A pit of something caught in her chest that she couldn’t quite pinpoint but didn’t miss a beat in her response to Alyssa. “I’m not sure, I can ask if you want!”

“Really! Aww thank you Az!” Alyssa squealed as she gave Azzi a quick hug and went back to her seat

PAIGE

Walking into lunch, she spotted Nika in line already and made a bee line to join her before a teacher could tell her to go to the back. Once they got their food they found Caroline at the back table near the windows they had taken as their own the last few days.

Sitting down, Paige felt everyone’s eyes on her and she already knew the questions before she lifted her head. “I feel fine, it’s not like we are actually on Varsity, they just want us to practice with them today.”

“Sure Twin”, Nika grinned as she playfully hit Paige with her shoulder. “I’m serious!” Paige protested holding her hands up in a giving up motion. “Speaking of Varsity girls,” Aubrey said as her eyes lifted past Paige and Nika, “hey superstar” she said with a wide grin directed at Azzi. The blush already visible on Azzis cheeks (as she shot Aubrey a look that said please stop as she reached past Paige to place her tray down beside Aubrey.)

Following Azzi movement with her eyes, Paige thought it was weird she didn’t just walk around the table and take a seat. But when she turned to ask Nika something about their science homework she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Can I talk to you for a second” “of course” Paige shot up not meaning to move so quickly, bumped Azzis side, quickly grabing her hips before she had a chance to fall. “Um thanks” Azzi said her head still faced down where Paige couldn’t quite see her eyes. “Let’s go over by the stairs” She said turning on her heels not looking up to see if Paige was following. But of course she was.

Paige without a second thought grabbed Azzi hand the minute they got to the stairs. “It’s going to be okay. If we play like we did yesterday we should be good. We already have such a good connection at that was on Day 2. I know Varsity as underclassman is scary but I think we actually have a shot and if not we will be amazing on JV until it’s ou….” Azzi pulled her hand from Paige’s stopping her rant. Just as Paige looked up she noticed a shift in Azzis mood. “Oh no Azzi, I’m sorry did I say something” “No Paige, sorry” Azzi realizing this grabbed paige hand and placed it back in hers “I wanted to ask you a personal question and I didn’t want to ask it infront of everyone. Are you Gay?” Paige couldn’t help herself she snorted, multiple times. “Who’s asking” Paige said once she got her self in check enough. “Well my friend asked me in math today, and I said I would ask you.” “We’ll tell your friend I’m flattered, but no” Paige said with a small smile on her face. “Okay I will” Azzi replied

As they walked back to the table Paige was besides herself why didn’t she tell the truth. What friend was asking. Was it really a friend or was it Azzi. Wait why did she care if it was Azzi asking or not. Why did she just lie to Azzi, it’s not like people didn’t know, or she was ashamed. Why did she lie to Azzi. Azzi.

AZZI

Getting up to throw her trash away she caught eyes with Alyssa a few tables down. She shook her head no hoping to keep the conversation at that and not have to explain further, but to Azzis disappointed Alyssa waived her over. Taking in a big calming breath Azzi walked over to the table Alyssa was sitting at. “What did she say exactly?” Alyssa asked eyes big with question. “She said she was flattered but no, she’s not gay” Azzi responded, adding in a quick “Sorry Lyss” to the end. “It’s okay Az, worth a shot in the dark with her, let me know if she changes her mind” Alyssa adds as Azzi turned to walk back to her table.

“Was that your friend?” Paige asking jokingly as Azzi sits back down at the table. “Actually yeah” Azzi answers looking up to see as Paige turned to get a better view of Alyssa. (Humm Azzi thought, if she’s not interested why does she care so much what she looks like, a bit of something Azzi would never describe as jealousy built in her chest) “How’d she take the news?” Paige asked with a hand over her heart. “Horribly” Azzi answered, “poor girl wont ever recover, maybe send a fruit basket” Paige broke into laughter, “you’re horrible Azzi” “I’m just teasing Paige, but she did say she will hold out hope for you just in case”

This time both girls busted out laughing, catching each other eyes for a second to long with a look neither understood. Broken a moment later by the bell signaling the end of lunch

[keelt9]

Paper 2

Masterlist

A/N: Merry Christmas! I hope you spend this holiday calmly and the way it makes you feel at ease.

Remember to take your time, one step at the time. ❄️

From far away I send you a big hug!🍒

The table near the small tree and the window, the messages are in his phone still he keeps mumbling all his way until the restaurant. 

Why the hell is even sweating this much?

The restaurant is a little bit crowded with people having breakfast but his eyes fly right away to the table near to the plant and the window.

His heart drops seeing in the table a man thanking the waitress, who just left a cup of coffee. One more time the endless questions flow through his mind.

Who is he? Is the table correct? Daniel was right and it’s fake after all? Did she get married?

The man lifts his eye in time to smile at Max and wave his hand, insecure Max walks to the table gripping his phone tight, in his head the worst possible scenario is developing so fast. 

The man will introduce him to his little elf fiance, probably they are already planning on having a family, living in a nice house in the town, they could even have a pet.

Is she still the same little elf of years ago?

“Oh, please, don’t put that face on Max.” The man shook his hand. “I’m not her boyfriend or husband.”

Max sighs, but still feels tension over his shoulders. 

“Sorry, sorry, diaper issue.” Max recognizes the girl, is the one his little elf is hugging, her sister; carrying a baby girl in her arms. “Omg, are you ok? You’re pale as a ghost.”

Max feels like he just saw one.

“Yes, I… I'm just…surprised.” The woman smiles tenderly following Max's eyes to the baby she had in her arms.

“Oh, please, don’t be scared.” She extends her hand with a soft smile on her face. “I’m Isabell… your little efl sister.” Max grabs her hand. “My husband Gonzalo and this baby girl is my daughter, Noah.”

“She is so beautiful, just like her.” Max's eyes stuck to the baby, his pinky cheek and shiny eyes. 

Isabell smiles tenderly at her baby and caresses her face. “My mom said I shouldn’t be disturbed that much to my sister or my baby will be so similar to her.”

Max giggles observing Noah hide her face in her mother's shoulder. “She forgot to mention, I’ll give birth to her twin.”

Max laughs, feeling lighter and relaxed. “Why don’t we sit?” Gonzalo mentions carrying their baby so they can sit.

“I’m sorry if I make things in such a weird way, but I’m afraid I won't find another idea in my mind.” Isabell mentioned. “Listen Max, let’s be honest, my sister knows who you are.”

Max shallow, and call for a waitress, is too early for a drink? With this situation, he doesn’t think so.

“She found out about you, the first year you were in Red bull, when she saw your face on the screen I believe she could faint in any seconds.” She smirks softly. “From that moment on, every time she knew a race would take place, she barely moved from the T.V.”

Gonzalo laughs probably remembering those moments. “Every clothing item you release, she will have it by the end of the month. She never said but she became your fan no.1.”

Noah looks with all her attention to him making him make a funny face putting a smile on her little face. 

“When you have that accident on the track, she really anguishes, until you appear to be dizzy but safe.” Max quivers for a second but he needs to ask.

“She never contacted me.” Those words closed his throat. “If she…”

“Max both of you move on, or at least she's been trying.” Max notices the unease expression in Isabell’s face. “She refused to come back to Benasque, she is acknowledging about the radical new world you're living, that she's felt doesn't belong there, but also she refuses to move one, you know what I mean?”

Max shakes his head, this time Gonzalo speaks. “Max isn't a secret she stops considering you just as a best friend, you can tell by the way she speaks about you.”

Noah giggles as she tries to grab Max's hand. “But she met a guy a couple of years ago, he's an enchanting person with her, and even he confessed his feelings a couple of months ago…”

“No.” It was an involuntary response, Max felt his heart squeeze.

“She refused to give him a chance until I spoke with her.” Isabell bits her lips. “Reason why she went one more time to Benasque.”

Suddenly the sunny day of Barcelona feels cold making him shiver.

“In a way to say goodbye.” Max moves in his chair, he feels nauseous. 

“However you started to search for her, she doesn't know because after Christmas she stops looking at your accounts, she cleans all that resembles you.”

“Then…the..then how do you know?” He shutters and blesses God in that moment his drink came.

“I worked for a sports magazine, you make a big show of this, it's just a simple deduction, you are looking for my sister in law.” Gonzalo giggles. “You Max Verstappen looking for someone I see every weekend is something weird.”

Isabell gives her baby’s bottle to Noah. “Maybe I sound like a crazy protective sister but Max, I love my sister, and I want the best for her, that is why I'm telling you all this… I'm sorry but if you are only looking for my sister just for bringing back a friendship, trust me she will always consider you like her most treasured friend.” 

Max opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, but he's just empty. “The best for her is you keep going in separate ways, because having you in her life, I'm afraid she will be stuck one more time.”

Gonzalo perceived the conflict expression in his face and the fact his drink disappeared. “Don't worry Max, she's fine, healthy, making her dreams true, don't have to worry about her.”

Noah laughs seeing the faces her mother makes to her, this would be the last time to hear the closest sound of her laugh?

“What if I see her in the same way she saw me?” Isabell shakes her head.”What if I…”

“Max! You don't have to do this.” Max feels hopeless every second. “I didn't come here for an answer, I came to assure you she's fine, for you can be at ease.”

“No, no, no, I, me…I… I'm confused, sorry, it's just…” Max breaths slowly. “Every year, I travel with a backpack full of notebooks with importants things that happened to me to tell her, every special moment and the most random ones are noted there.”

Noah grabs his finger across the table. “I miss her like hell.” He carefully covers Noah’s ears. “Fuck, I been stupid.” 

The big eyes of the baby girl and the smile make him speak. “There must be a reason, right?” 

Isabell sees Gonzalo with conflicted eyes.

Max gets down his head. “Maybe I already know but I'm… what if I say something wrong?”

“Ok, let's do this.” Isabell leans over the table. “I won't rush anything, take your time, thinking about it carefully, when you are ready, give me a call, we can find out what to do after that.”

Max sees his empty drink taking a few breaths, what if that time is enough for her to finally leave him in the oblivion?

“Max, believe me, we have plenty of time.” It must be a thing between sisters, they look like they could actually read his mind. “She likes to take her time for important decisions.”

Max nods, unable to say another word, feeling so overwhelmed but happy and relieved. Isabell observes him unable to stop a soft smile.

“Well, it’s time to go.” She and her husband stand with their baby in his arms. “You have my number Max, call anytime when you have it all clear.”

Max stands, seeing the photo. “Do you mind if I keep with this one?” 

Isabell shakes her head. “All yours.” Noah mumbled, extending her little arms to Max. “You have a special charm Max, now I see it.”

Max grabs her little hand, shaking it, feeling shy for the compliment; the red cheeks with the top of the nose too, bring him soft memories and the concern that now, he has a lot to think about.

The summer break turns into agony, the past months he has been able to focus on the race leaving him zero time to think properly, he refuses to take a decision with the fuss of emotions of a race.

“So?” Daniel asked, sitting next to him cleaning the sweat of his forehead after a tough padel game. “You decided already?”

Max sits on the floor drinking a half of the water of his bottle. It’s the second week of the summer break and every time he tries to dig into the decision, he has a migraine after 15 minutes of thinking. 

His lack of answer made Daniel sigh. “Mate if it’s that hard, it could be a sign that maybe you see her as what it is?” 

“I don’t follow you.” Max leaned his arms over his knees.

“A dear friend of the past.” Daniel said, raising his hand waving it, Charles is walking right to them. “Just think about it with that perspective in mind.”

He can’t, Max simply can’t.

The next morning he postone all his meetings with friends and family, as he is making a small travel bag.

“It's summer?” Victoria mentions as they keep talking through the phone. “What do you expect to find there?”

Max didn’t even know but if there is a place where he always finds peace is in Benasque.

“Nothing, just a space to think.” Max sees Jimmy stretching on the window. “It will be a couple of days, don’t worry.”

“Max.” Max takes his bag standing in front of one of the trophies, next to it the photo of his little elf puts a smile on his face. “Take care, ok?”

The next morning he spent time walking around after having breakfast in the small hotel, his mind seemed to clear in every step.

“Look what the wind brings.” The old men from the clockmaker's workshop cross in his path. “Young boy, it’s early for you to come.” 

Max nods seeing him carrying bags. “Do you need an extra hand?” 

“Thank you.” He gives him two bags, as they walk to his store, talking about his life, 20 years have passed and Max feels he just met the old men who see every year.

He opened the door next to the shop, his house. “Want to come in? I have a nice limoned on the fridge.”

Max quiver for a second. “Or I have a tiramisu.” Max raises his eyes quickly. “The cute little girl mentioned it is… sorry probably it was your favorite.”

She remembers, that’s enough for Max to take a step inside of the house.

All in brown colors, a lot of photos hanging on every wall as he walks to the living room, where the old man asks him to wait a couple of seconds. 

He takes his time observing every photo, until his eyes find one that calls for his attention; it’s the Roman coliseum covered in snow.

He takes it as a memory that comes back to his mind.

“It’s almost impossible.” Max buttons the last ones from the neck part of her cape. 

The little girl rolled her eyes. “It has already passed! Why can't it happen again?” She stands taking the snow off her lap.

The night reached them and the cold is increasing, tomorrow Max must leave.

“You’re talking about snow in Rome!” She grabs his hands between her warming up before leaving. 

“Oh my God! You’re so pessimistic sometimes.” She rubs his hands, the gloves help to warm it quickly. “Ok, let’s say if it happens one more time, I swear, I’ll be there.”

Max scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Believe me, Mr. Frozen hands. I’ll make it.” She winks at him.

The old man finds Max with the photo in his hands; Max hears him unable to stop looking at the girl, well, the back of the girl.

“She made it.” His voice cracks unintentionally.

The man set the two plates on the small table. “Oh, indeed, she came back that winter with two photos, this is for me and the other one I guess it was for you…”

Max never came that winter.

“Fuck! How much I would love to be with her.” The man tilted his head. “She must look adorable.”

“I always knew, young boy.” The old man sat on his big sofa. “It’s true love what I saw in you two.”

“What?” Max turned around, unable to take his eyes from the photo.

“She said the same.” He takes a bite of the tiramisu. “She would love having you with her that day. After all she has something to reproach after all.”

That afternoon in front of the old clock downtown, the beeps of the phone seemed to last like an hour between each one. 

“Hello?” Max sighs, relieved, sitting on the closet bench.

“I love her.” Max whispers feeling the weight of his shoulders lifts. “That’s what I feel and I couldn’t say.” 

Isabell didn’t reply. “I love your sister…Please help me, don’t let her forget me.” Max panic fearing the worst. “I know it can sound stupid, we barely know each other, it has been 10 years, I changed, probably she did too. You may think I’m doing this in such a dumb way to keep myself in her life, but….” 

Max takes a deep breath. “I have been carrying a pen with a couple of notebooks for 10 years, more than one time I write about the fact I got stung by a bee! Omg, what a stupid man who isn’t in love does that? I’m frighten with the simple thought of losing her forever”

“Do you want to hear her?” Max held his breath. “We can coordinate things later, but we’re in the middle of a familiar reunion, you know? It will be so weird.” 

Max let go a breath that sounds like he’s had a hurricane inside. 

“Can I?” Isabell giggles with the fact that Max Verstappen is nervous.

“After you hear her I’ll hang out and I’ll call you later to coordinate something, ok?” Max stands excited walking around the bench, waiting. 

The sound of chattering and plates with laughs became slowly more audible, Max saw his hands, he’s trembling. 

“What are you doing?” Isabell asked. Damn it! Max is technically invisible and he feels so exposed every second.

Then the soft giggle drains the blood of his body. “Making a mojito, duh!”

She is there, she’s fucking there!

“See, ron, lemon, ice, mint and other things that dad said I will need.” Max imagines her in a beautiful summer dress. “Everything alright?”

“Well, I bet right now, yes, everything seems perfect.” Isabell sees her phone, Max is online. 

“Great, now, stop staring at me and give me a hand. I’m confused.” Isabell laughs while hanging out. 

Max looks at his phone with a smile that he’s sure will cause painful cheeks.

As he walks to his hotel, this time to write his brainstorm of ideas for meeting her one more time, he finds in one of the window displays a ornament for Christmas of a Santa Claus.

He stops in front of me with a smirk. “Give me a hand big guy, I swear that if you need it, I’ll be a good boy all these years. Just help me a little bit.”

He was caught by the reflection of a boy with a lollipop in his mouth looking at him with a weird face. 

He takes out his lollipop. “He doesn't understand.” Max narrowed his eyes. “You must send him a letter to the north pole with what you want.” 

Max giggles. “Besides, it's advice.” The kid is so confident. “Make sure to write in a pretty paper, with a pretty letter, make sure he fully understands what you want.”

“Louis!” A woman shouted a name, making the kid turn around. 

He nods. “I have to go, good luck!”

Max chuckles and screams as the kid goes with his mother. “THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!”

He focuses one more time on Santa, “Let’s make my wish come true.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag: @anilovessadbooks

[crazylittlejester]

Hi hello do you have anything about how Twi nearly died in your modern au? Like, what happened and how Time reacted and stuff- (free invitation to yap /gen)

hi hello yes i do!! (tw for talk of suicide attempts and sh)

it was an attempt when he was 15, and the only reason he’s still alive is because he kinda snapped out of it after a second and realized he didn’t actually want to be dead (if he hadn’t told anyone he would have died in his room). Time was the only person home with him, so Twi had to go tell him 1. What he did and 2. That he’d already panic called emergency services because he was freaking out and didn’t know what to do and the ranch is decently far away from everything else. Time had had absolutely NO idea Twilight was struggling like that or that he was so unhappy he’d make an attempt on his life and he was so so terrified he was actually going to lose his kid that day, he could hardly speak he was that scared (and unfortunately Twi was a little worried that Time was MAD at him because of his silence). He drove Twi to the emergency room himself, he knew he’d get there faster and he was genuinely worried Twi didn’t have a whole lot of time to wait around for an ambulance

That was the first and only time Twilight has ever seen his dad cry, at first it was just silent tears but the second Time had called Malon to explain what was going on he broke down sobbing and Twilight is genuinely so scarred from just THAT that it’s been one of the things that’s helped him stop hurting himself; he doesn’t ever want to see his dad cry again. he never wants to be the reason his dad cries, he felt so so bad about that he had a whole mental breakdown over it

He’d been struggling with hurting himself since he was thirteen and he’s been struggling with depression and anxiety for as long as he’s been alive, he’d just get so stressed and overwhelmed he’d spiral and then he felt ashamed for being unhappy because he didn’t feel like he had a valid reason to be depressed because he had a wonderful home life and loving family, and he didn’t want them to blame themselves so he didn’t tell them. and then sophomore year of high school it just reached a point where he attempted to end his life and then the fear and anxiety kicked in and he had to tell his dad about EVERYTHING. there was a lot of crying that day, from him AND Time, but Time made sure to make Twilight feel like he wasn’t suddenly going to be treated like he was made of glass or like he was just completely unstable. Time assured him that he wasn’t angry with him and promised to do anything possible to help Twi because he loves him, he made that very very clear

Time and Malon have done their absolute best to support him, they listen to whatever he has to say and they do whatever they can to help him. They got him therapy (which was so so helpful for him) and Twi still sees a therapist, plus he’s on antidepressants which have also helped a lot. Warriors and Sky have also been nothing but supportive and patient, they’ve been friends with him since freshman year and they were pretty close by the time this happened and they were really worried about their friend but were very glad to see him start to do better

Twilight is doing very well now, he’s been sh free for six years. tho he still has bad days or days he gets urges to hurt himself again and its difficult for him to verbally ask for help but everyone in his life has figured out what it means when he silently comes to just sit by them. They know not to ask questions and to just treat him normally, or give him a hug if he initiates it, and they’ll do anything they can to help him. The tattoos on his left arm cover up a LOT of scars, they don’t cover all of em, they’re not really meant to completely cover them but they do make them a lot less visible

He really is doing better now, but ofc Time is always going to worry about him. Time’s been worrying about him since he GOT him and it just got worse when 9 year old Twi cracked his head open hopping off a horse

the most recent fic for the au is about twi having one of his bad days, ft Warriors wriggling his way into Twi’s bed to be both a comfort and a nuisance (he does a lot to help akskdjd):

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

together.

days 19 + 20 of dcatober: Ruin and Trapped

[acesammy]

The thing about how sam’s arc in season 4 is often discussed is that people simultaneously acknowledge that the angels are bad, while claiming Sam is an idiot for rebelling against them.

like I have listened through three (3) rewatch podcasts and they always seem to fall into this loop of going ‘hey the angels are Obviously up to no good’ while also going ‘Sam is really stupid. Why would he trust a demon when literal angels are telling him to stop’

idk man. Maybe bc the angels are Obviously up to no good????

[unforth]

Since I've seen several posts floating around that try to rebut the points of @end-otw-racism by saying that AO3 is too big to moderate, can we PLEASE take a moment and remember that AO3 IS ALREADY HEAVILY MODERATED.

We all know the obvious one - that if you post anything about monetizing fic, you will be moderated into oblivion. We also all know why! This is essential to AO3's survival as a non-profit! No one would propose changing this!

But a lot of people seem to forget that AO3 is moderated in other ways! For a personal example, several years ago I got a "change this or we're removing your work" e-mail. The work in question? A collection of pseudo-ficlets that were somewhere between outlines and sketchy fics. What I got moderated for? I said in the a/n that if anyone wanted to expand my kinda-outliney nonsense into fully fleshed out stories, they were welcome to do so! I was told this was a violation of the ToS, because fics that are collections of prompts aren't allowed, and that if I didn't change the a/n I'd have to delete the work. Of course I edited the a/n, and my work was allowed, and I moved on. I did, immediately, delete another work I'd posted, which WAS literally sets of prompts I'd written free to a good home. It was clearly in violation of those rules, and I just hadn't realized content like that wasn't allowed.

Numerous things are forbidden on AO3 and will get moderated and potentially deleted, including:

advertising

"find a fic" posts

spam

plagiarized works

virus spreading

doxxing

actual CSAM

lots of other stuff as listed in the tos

If the foundation of your argument is "AO3 is too big to moderate" your argument is bad. AO3 is already moderated.

So that means your ACTUAL argument is "I think AO3 is moderated enough as-is and I don't think AO3 should be moderated in a way that might better protect fans of color."

Having that attitude despite the many, many, MANY fans of colors who say "hey, we don't feel safe here, can this be better moderated to protect us?" (when, by the way, the existing harassment policy SHOULD protect them but clearly isn't being implemented in ways that actually DOES protect them!)

Well. That's sure a take.

(TO BE CLEAR: I am anti-censorship. I am pro-moderation. I am pro-AO3. I fucking love your dark fic, your underage works, your non-con stories, your kinky pwp with "no redeeming qualities," your dirty-wrong-bad ego fics. I would NEVER want a solution that removed that content. And I believe AO3 is the greatest thing to happen to fic in my lifetime and I want it to continue to be the wonderful thing it is. I think that what AO3 already is can be reconciled with the demands of fans of color that they be better protected. I believe fans of color when they say that the current policies don't protect them adequately, that they don't feel safe, that this drives them out of white western fandom. I've listened a lot, and I've seen a lot, and I've learned a lot, and I want AO3 to be better than it is in this regard. I'm honestly kinda depressed how many people seem comfortable with the status quo.)

[dennisboobs]

i think everyone on sunnytwt needs to be sat down so i can explain to them what basic human empathy is. and then maybe i put them in a blender until they agree to write meta about the characters instead of whether or not charlie day got facial reconstruction surgery.

[aeolianblues]

pop stars aren't born in the 70s anymore like they used to be. These days they're born in a year uncomfortably close to my own which makes me clutch my chest and cry out

[nebulousfishgills]

The definition of locking the fuck in is having a closing shift, needing to shower, and then needing to write a ten page research paper in under four hours... ah, week before finals week.

[tenrose]

I hate living in this world.

[mayo-is-an-instrument]

I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

maybe bsol is that time jen tepper mentions when she was so upset about a review of a show of joe's that she broke a glass (&/or threw it out a window)

[itsalwaysdark]

i literally likw felt sick hust now bc i thought abt gay people and ive just realized as i was about to hit post that this sounds homophobic. it was pure envy unfortunately