#I mean c'mon we have two young gay man

[thebasementgirl]

@l1v1ngdeadg1rl

Brokeback Mountain (2005) + Letterboxd reviews [insp.]  

[sweetshelluvaau]

Taking a break from doing Helluva Boss redesigns to do some Hazbin Hotel ones because my brain was screaming inside telling me to draw Lilith which ended up be deciding to drawing Lucifer as well! I Also finished up my redesign of Charlie but I'm gonna give them their own dedicated post

Like always, notes under the cut. Drawn in Clip Studio Paint and with Photoshop CS6 for final touches. Okay to reblog, Feedback is encourage.

About the canon designs and personalities:

Lucifer: Honestly, I don't mind Lucifer's design too much outside of the fact it falls under the typical Viziziepop's Twink she likes to draw. I do think overall, the Ringleader idea she was going for is there, sorta. That being said: I have it out for that top hat. Not necessarily the fact he's wearing one he's one of the few characters I don't mind wearing one more than the accessories with it. Between the stupid crown, snake and apple it just...doesn't work for me.

As for his portrayal in the show: I happen to like Lucifer in Hazbin I think he's a fun character even though I do have problems as I'm about to address. Jeremy Jordan seemed like one of the few voice actors that sounded like he was having fun playing his character suppose to just being there for a paycheck (I mean, he was there for that but still). I know people complain that he sounds too young which I do agree I do think Jordan could have gave him a slightly deeper voice along with his design looking as if he was a bit older; but considering that he's over, what? Eons years old with an angelic background, I'll give it a pass.

I'm iffy on his backstory, or at least how it's handled in the show. Lucifer being an 'innocent' dreamer with good intentions doesn't necessarily bother me too much and his punishment for giving humanity freewill has an irony to it so no problems there. However I do have problems with how as the character that's suppose to be the cause of all sin, the fucking Devil himself and the ruler of Hell; isn't treated like such. Yeah I know he misses his wife Tails, he misses her a lot but c'mon man, you're the King of Hell and The Sin of Pride! In the pilot he seemed to have a more sinister, or at the least threating presence from the little we saw of him.

Also, you took the Pride out of the Sin of Pride? Where's his bite? What are you doin' Viv!?

This is a problem I have with Helluva as well where the Sins, or at least the case for Bee and Ozzie season two onward is that the show is too afraid to make even the more lax, 'nicer' of the Sins not being threating or a bit of dicks sometimes Mammon withstanding because Vivienne is worried that she'll risk them coming across as unlikeable which is bullshit considering how people love asshole characters when they're written right or are fun. Helluva's Mammon is proof right there the fandom love him and Ozzie, as brief as it was in Season One had a banger of a 'villain' song where he and Fizz drag three of the main cast member's sex lives just because he fucking can and says he dislikes 'lovely dovey' crap which is a bit hypocritical considering how much he smitten with his Jester Boyfriend (You two were all touchy and that nuzzle at the end they aren't fooling anyone lol) why did you take away their bite and turned Fizz into such a wimp I miss my little chaotic gay gremlin man... but I'm getting a head of myself.

I don't mind Lucifer and by extension the Sins themselves NOT being evil; in fact I like the idea of them being morality dubious/having questionable morality along with them having a bit of 'humanity' to them, makes them more interesting as characters, but to take away their bite or having 'good' sins and 'bad' sins (ranted about that here) just sounds like a cheap copout and takes away any nuance to the whole idea of sin to begin with being how Hazbin is suppose to be a story about redemption and if a sinner CAN be redeemed. Granted a poorly constructed story that misses the mark horribly, but I digest.

Overall, I do like Lucifer as a character but I wouldn't have 'woobified' him if that makes sense.

Lilith: Her design is...meh. Her dress is pretty, sure; but it's like a normal ballgown. I like the idea of the horns.

...That's all I got to say honestly.

Since we don't know much about her personality in the show yet outside of hints that she 'thrived' in Hell and her and Lucifer were separated by the time the story happened, there's not much for me to say on this front. Prior to the show dropping (or maybe just the pilot), Vivienne hinted that they were gonna have a Gomez and Morticia dynamic going on so consider me disappointed that this ended up not being the case. Damn, would I have killed to have them be this happily married power couple because let's be real: You can't be a powerful badass King without your equality powerful badass Queen, am I right? XD I'd eat that shit up!

I honestly fear Lilith in the show is going to end up being Stella 2.0 which I hope isn't the case but considering Vivienne's writing I don't have much faith she'll be anything but. Maybe not as bad, but yeah...

Anyways, on to the redesigns and character changes:

Lucifer: I said before that I'm not really going with the circus theme in my rewrite/au. I do think on paper the "Hell is a circus' is interesting, fun concept but that's been barely, if at all utilized in Hellaverse outside of a poorly done aesthetic, but it's not the direction I personality want to go with. I may still play with the whole circus thing with the Happy Hotel itself, but otherwise...yeah, right, redesign.

I knew from the beginning I wanted to give him a more darker color scheme along with adding purple into his outfit because purple = Pride so I settled on a dark purple, red and gold/bronze combo. I was debating if I should have scraped his top hat or not being how Hellaverse made me me have it out agasist tops hats like almost every other male character has a fucking top hat there's other kinds of hats but at the end of the day I decided to keep it though he doesn't always wear it. I did draw him without the hat as well which you can view towards the end of the post. I kept the apple motif he has going and while I didn't do much with his cane, I did add a snake which yes, is alive. That's his pet Temptation and he loves her very much.

Outfit inspiration:

Personality wise it's very similar to what it is in the show but taken in a bit more darker direction. Think overdramatic theater kid meet rebellious somewhat edgy adult who hasn't grown out of his teenage years (that's not saying he doesn't act like an adult he does but he has that 'whimsical' nature to him where he sometimes won't take things seriously or refuses to take responsibility though there are moments where he does have to 'Swallow his Pride' so to speak).

I also made him much more Prideful because he's the Sin of Pride, duh. This man will fight tooth and nail to prove that he's in the right (a trait that Charlie also shares) because his ego and pride won't let him rest and he's not going to back down DAMN IT!!. Lilith and/or a few of the Sins (Satan, Beelzebub and Ozzie respectfully) have to reel him in so he doesn't do anything stupid and make an ass out of himself more than he already has.

However, just because he is a prideful prick a good portion of the time doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments of genuine compassion and love for those who are important in his life. He loves his family, daughter included despite how unsupportive and very passive aggressive in regard to believing that her plan is dead in the water and has no problem addressing those thoughts in a 'tough love' kind of way (or what he believes is tough love when it's reality he's coming across as him just beating her down and making them drift even father apart as if they already slowly weren't. As I said, he's very prideful when he believes he's right) and views most of the other Sins minus Leviathan as his firends/true companions though some are much closer to him than others.

I kept most of his backstory in the show the same where he had some good intentions of gifting humanity freewill but also at the same time did it out of rebellion towards his father (God) after falling for Lilith and believing that everything that made her...well her (her freewill, sprit, strength) should be given to every human only for it to backfire and bring evil and sin in the world annnnd we know how this story goes. (otr I have both Eve AND Adam eat from the apple and Lilith had nothing to do with the whole thing but was punished regardless for 'influencing' Samael regardless if she pushed him or not) There was still a Heaven and Hell war but that doesn't happen until much later in the timeline once Hell gains the power and means to declare such on Heaven, only for them to lose in the end. The Exterminations has something to play with the outcome of the war but that's a discussion for another time.

Lilith:

Putting aside I didn't want both Lilith and Lucifer to have the same hair color (one of the reasons why I didn't also make Luci's hair red after he fell, even if that was more canon biblically correct), I wanted Lilith to be a red head like she is in biblical stories. I also made her skin a bit darker. I was aiming for an olive skin tone but not sure if I successfully succeeded in that.

Lilith still has her horns but I made them much smaller. They expand/grow bigger when she's enraged or goes into her full demon form where her eyes also glow and her nails turn into long, sharp blade like talons. I plan on drawing her demon form along with the rest of the Morningstars later down the line. I also gave her animal ears which I may revisit later being that was a last second addition. I wanted to give Luci or Lilith hooves as well but I didn't think about it after the drawings were done. (likely will give Luci them)

Dress inspiration:

As for personality and overall character changes go: Well for starters, Both Lilith and Lucifer are a happily married power couple like we were lead on to believe and I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN AWSNER!!

As I said earlier, we still don't know much about Lilith as a character in the show outside of the fact she thrived in Hell and influenced demonkind but never said of what that entailed. I'm still keep those elements of course, having her be a beacon for the Hellborn and establishing connections and business with a good share of the Overlords in Pride, especially with the more 'lesser evil' Sinner ones. Lilith is the one who normally engages with Sinners on large where Lucifer rather avoid them as much as possible with a few exceptions being how he blames them for why he ended up down in Hell to begin with considering he did believe they'd do good with the 'gift' he gave them, only to be proven wrong and him having to suffer seeing the worst of humanity as punishment.

Personality wise, Lilith is a strong willed, go getter who wants nothing but the best for her family, firends and citizens. She involves herself heavily in the politics of Hell while also hoping to inspire her people, Hellborn and Sinners alike. Soft but strong, caring but stern; playful but serious when she has to be, Lilith wears her title on her sleeve as the Queen of Hell and a mother and friend to those who look up to her.

Like Charlie and unlike her husband, Lilith sees the good in humanity. She was human herself after all, deemed the first Sinner but she's more indirect and hands off with her methods where Charlie wants to be more hands on and direct with her hotel idea. Lilith tries to guild her daughter the best she can but tries to persuade her that her plans for the Happy Hotel may not have the effect she hopes, even as supportive she is of her daughters' ideals.

Lilith has succubus like powers but isn't one herself; however she does work with Asmodeus to train those who do go up topside to spread sin.

Charlie may be the Hellish couple's first child but it wasn't the first time Lilith tried conceive; Charlie was the only one who made it fully to term.

Lilith is much taller than Lucifer, while Charlie is only slightly taller than her father.

I'm going to likely revisit their redesigns in the future because there are a few things I would like to change/add on to but overall this is the direction I plan on going for them. I know this post was long and if you happened to read though all of this: Thank you for reading~

Charlie's redesign will be next being I finished her for a while now I just need to write out my notes. Hopefully this weekend it'll be up.

Bonus, Lucifer without his hat:

[theosconfessions]

flashback-

if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here :)

if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here:)

@ohsosims

theo-okay wow. all of this just for a tiktok about a 60 year old man?

scarlett- retros in.

theo-retro? you know your dad would kill you if he heard you call anything involving him retro right? hes not old as fuck you know.

scarlett-it was more of a dig at you than him. hes young. youre not. just want to point that out for anyone watching. makes you look creepy so.

theo-nice of you.well it can make me feel creepy sometimes but we fit.

scarlett-sure do

theo- [eyes narrow]

scarlett- so do you want to introduce yourself or?

theo-sure. im theo kline. im old as hell as scarlett likes to point out. i was on two seasons of the bachelor. one in ancient times. one recent.

scarlett- right! so to anyone who hasnt watched the first one theo did was the one where he met my mom, marlee, and the woman hed have a long affair with.

theo- nice dig.

scarlett- thanks [smirks] and the one that actually worked out despite theo trying to trash it whenever he could. the second season is where he met my dad.dustin.

theo- that wasnt where i met dustin.

scarlett- what?

theo- i didnt meet dustin on the show. i met him at his bar. just like we always said. and then he came on the show.

scarlett- wait? were you guys dating before he even came on the show?

theo- no, not dating. i encouraged him to apply though.

scarlett- WAIT.

flashback

dustin-wait what. the bachelor?

theo- youve heard of it right?

dustin- of course i have. i even not so freely admittedly have seen your season. with your wife.

theo-ah, marlee. well theres a reason why im doing a second stint. didnt work out.

dustin-i have to say this is the weirdest way someones ever asked me out before. like i liked you but im not sure i want to go on one date with just you. i need to see like 30 other people at the same time.

theo- c'mon dude i didnt mean it that way. look i signed the contract before i even came into this place and seen you. if i didnt do that,dustin. trust me id do this the old fashioned way because thats what youre worthy of. its a tv show ,man.thats it. and id think youd like it. cool people. cool place. and if you decide youre not into it . or me. or any of it you can def tell me to fuck off .

dustin- i cant believe im telling you yes right now

theo- really?

---------------

theo- i encouraged him to sign up.

scarlett- but you never asked him out before that?

theo- i wasnt sure i wanted to settle down so no. dustins the kind you do settle down for.

scarlett- you were married to my mom at the same time but you werent sure you wanted to settle down?

theo- well you seen how that ended up right? the jami thing? me being gay. it wasnt meant to last. but we got you out of it . so that is one good thing.

[falsebooles123]

Finding the First Gay Kiss - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 11.17.22

A Florida Enchantment (1914) dir. Sidney Drew

I've Already given this a more detailed discussion on my Letterboxd so I won't get into the more pernicious aspects of this film. (as I saw this you can notice one of the characters in blackface in the background like a racist It Follows).

You may be looking at this film and being like but Ryeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen look it theres two women kissing thats gay. But theirin lies the rub. In A Florida Enchantment, Lillian Tavers finds some magic african seeds that let you pull a gender bend and she just takes one for shits and giggles I guess, (I mean I think it was to get back at her fiance but thats kinda weak.

(we totally believe that you just wanted to gender bend to get back at a man that you don't even talk to for half of the movie. totally not because your actually super hecking trans and wanted an excuse to captilize on this anime plot. )

So yeah in my reading of this film thats some straights sorry if you can't handle Lawrence Talbot serving fish while hes girl modding then um thats on you.

(when you fake your own death just so that you can present as the opposite gender and go by your new masculine name and pronouns #justgirlythings #stillcisthrough)

So this kinda runs a rankle through it because while these women are totally fucking sapphos. They were trying to get that P and go. Its Kinda Misgendering to present this as the first gay kiss when this shit is objectively about a straight trans man.

At the end of the day I am happy to hear your interpretations but this doesn't solve the question for me.

Zapatas Gang (1914) dir. Urban Gad

oh what your not famalier with the beautiful and radiant Asta Nielsen the worlds first international superstar, whose films were considered to demi-monde by American Censors to be allowed over here????

Well sorry but that sounds like a you problem. Trust me this butch queen is coming back to visit in this blog series.

In Zapatas Gang a german film crew go to the beautiful countryside of norditalien. *cough* Northern Italy to play a bunch of robber barons. Unbeknownst to them the actually crew of Bandits, The eponymous Gang Alla Zapata, have come over and stolen there work clothes.... for some reason. Don't worry about it just enjoy Asta Nielson looking like a bisexual pirate for 45 minutes

(said bisexual pirate outfit, somebody please dress like this for halloween)

In this film during a scene the "bandits" attack a stagecouch which they believe to be paid extras. they were not in fact paid extras but unpaid civilians and also like rich people or something. At this interchange Asta stops one of her ruffians from attacking the young coquette that was driving with her mother on an evening constantional before stealing a cheeky little kiss like the Rapscallion she is and OMG ITS LIKE SO FUCKING GAY.

(mommy? sorry Mommy? sorry. but like for real women with swords who like just defeat you in physical combat. 😳😳🥵🥵🥵)

also just saying these emojis are absolutely not slutty enough on tumblr. do better.

But um yeah like this is it these are lesbians kissing???

ok. ok. so the Coquette refers to asta as "Her Handsome Theif" and you could argue that Asta is dressed as a man in this film so its possible that the Coquette thinks that Asta is a man in this sense but I mean c'mon!

(we totally believe you that you thought this person was a man because of pants. You totally didn't feel a titty when you were feeling her up earlier. Totally not your latent bisexual and danger kink rearing its head)

I love this, I'm gay for it, I'm adding Asta Nielsen to my pantheon of strong powerful bisexual women that I want to STEP ON ME.

(I was trying to find the animation were they say Big lady a bunch but this will do)

But Don't worry I'm not gonna stop exploring this subject until we get to Sunday Bloody Sunday because like I'm having fun I wake up and the world gets a little more gayer and I feel a little more scene and isn't that kinda beautiful???

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 21 (The Holy See)

-Objectively, this episode wasn't nearly as good as the previous one. Subjectively, it was the best, and that was for the one and only reason: Caterina fucking Sforza.

-Those two things aren't as disconnected as you might think. Caterina honestly felt like a bit of a deus ex machina. Yes, I know Riario being an ungrateful bastard who treats her like shit was set up very well over the previous episodes, so she doesn't technically qualify, but like... For all their efforts, the Medici's victory is ultimately trough no real contribution of their own.

-Well, at least it turns out to be relatively hollow, or at least causing more problems at the moment than it solves. No, really, I actually liked that part a lot! Lorenzo needed to have been taken down so many pegs I cherish every defeat of his, and this one was just written so damn well! Like, the fact that his victory was hollowed by the exact same thing that allowed said victory in the first place (a.k.a. the papal armies not being payed)? POETIC CINEMA

-I am not sure about the portrayal of Caterina from a historical point of view. Like c'mon, this was one of the toughest women of the renessaince, and in this show she's worried about her peace and her unborn baby and being chummy with Clarice... *sigh* Look, man, I just thing we've had enough "silk hiding steel" types in this show, okay? Why can't we have one single unapologetic bitch, or even like a more masculine-leaning type of lady? Also, in history, her husband was at point living in the town Forli, which he ruled along Imola, and they had like six children already, also also he was killed four years after his uncle's death by some political rivals, who sought the Medici support, but never got it (so much for real Lorenzo having a "consumed by vengeance" arch, lol).

-Well, at least as far as "silk hiding steel" types go, she's one of the best ones around. In fact, purely as a show character, I actually love her? Plus, she clearly likes both Lorenzo and Clarice (their fireside chat was lowkey gay and don't you dare dissuade me of that notion), so she can join their polycule, which - nice! Once I get around to writing that Clarice x Lucrezia D smut, I will add her too for sure. For real, tho, I would be madder at every woman in this show wanting to fuck Lorenzo if he didn't actually earn it by looking like Daniel Sharman.

-This show really wants to tone down the depravity of renessaince papacy; a doomed endeavour if I ever saw one, and also you have literal Girolamo "the anti-renessaince papacy activist" Savonarola in your show, the fuck are you doing?! And Carlo's "minor bribery is fine, but larger-scale bribery isn't" stance is pretty stupid, like dude, I hate to break it to you, but once you enter this game, you're in it to win it. Like, the rival candidate is literally supported by Lorenzo's greatest enemy, and he has the chance to destroy said enemy right then and there. Of course, in the previous episodes, Lorenzo had a lot of opportunity to forgive Riario and difuse the tensions between them, but that ship has sailed years ago.

-Honestly, Caterina's secrets are hillariously tame, like I get that this show tries desperately to not be The Borgias, but seriously, what do you mean SOME of the cardinals have mistresses and take bribes?!

-Then there's Giulio's forgiveness towards the murderer of his mother, which... Actually kinda works with both his show character and IRL Clement VII. being a surprisingly decent dude for a renessaince pope? BTW if you've seen The Serpent Queen, the character played by Charles Dance is basically Giulio decades later. Of course, it wouldn't be me if I didn't point out that while Giulio did want to join the church since young age, his career would be limited (as was Carlo's) by his illegitimate birth, which is why he at first tried a military career as a member of the johannites. He only became a priest after Lorenzo's death, but whatever.

-THE SAVONAROLA PLOT THICKENS. That's all I have to say about it. That part of the episode was pretty awesome, no notes.

[venivivividi]

headcAnon ✨ here! How great were the Rosa and Michael moments?! And Jones is Michael’s dad! He and Alex should start a support group. I wanted to ask if you have any headcanons about Michael and Alex and fatherhood. If you think they ever thought about it and what. What kind of parents they would be. If you think they will have kids in the future. Adoption or using a surrogate or some other alien option. Maybe dog or cat children also or instead.

I know, right?? They definitely speak the same language even when they disagree with each other. Also, I have a feeling that Michael has taken to send Rosa every picture of a dolphin he finds online with the same commentary: "look. it's you ahaha" I love them.

Oooh, fatherhood, you say? What a wonderful topic to tackle after the latest episodes...

I have to say, I tend to separate what I think realistically would happen, informed by canon, vs what I'd like for them to be in my headcanons, and to this day we canonically know:

Michael has thought about fatherhood: this is something he wants in his future and has dreamed about in the past; we learn this in two separate occasions, in 2x10 when he offers to father Isobel's child and in 2x11 when he tells Flint he wanted to start a dad band.

We have zero insight on Alex's thoughts on matter: we know his childhood was not a happy one, his relationship with his father is extremely negative and his entire family's dynamic is skewed, unhealty. That could reasonably push him towards two completely opposite directions: either he wants nothing to do with kids and a "traditional" family, deemes himself unsuited for fatherhood or he wants to somehow "avenge" his lost childhood and create the happiest family in the world, proving to himself that he can and will be a good father. Either could be and anything in between, honestly. (I'm not gonna delve into that but let's also remember that Alex grew up in a reality where gay marriage was not legal until he was like 23 and adoption was a pipe dream even after that, so that has clearly influenced his mindset even without considering the military of it all)

But for the sake of the HCs, I choose to believe that Alex is at least open to the idea of having children:

I dont think this is something they would go for very early in their relationship. They've had such a turmoiled past, they overcame every possible obstacle so that once everything settles down, they just enjoy each other's company for a while. They still can't believe they just get to be together without jumping through hoops.

As far as pets are concerned, you heard it from Mimi first: a beagle is written in Alex's future. But first, he tries to convince Michael to get a reptile. You remember Willow, his pet lizard? She was so cuute, Micheal, it's basically zero maintenance (completely false, but hes' trying) and it's so cool to have a lizard, c'mon.

Michael, as we know, is incapable of looking Alex in the eyes and deny him something. But it takes one google search for him to veto Project Lizard. There is no way he's allowing a lizard in his house after learning what they need to be fed. Also, lizards escape their enclosure. No thank you, the same night he learned too much about it he had a nightmare about waking up to a lizard stuck to his curls. Always protect the curls. No lizard.

Alex pouts. A lot.

Once the beagle settles in the truck ready to go to his forever home, Alex stops pouting. (and Michael starts because Alex is now cuddling the beagle at night. woe is Michael.)

As this thing usually go, Michael is instead adopted by a kitten, one of those impossibly small black balls of fur. Their first encounter at the junkyard went disturbingly High Noon, but after they claimed each other, the kitten is now stealing Michael's body heat and Michael is stealing all the cuddles Alex is so rudely denying him in favor of *scoffs* The Beagle.

Speaking of Sanders' Auto, once Rosa(...linda) starts picking up stray kids and unexplicably bringing them to Michael, it comes to be a place where kids who need to escape orbit around: with Sander's blessing, Michael always finds some easy work for them to do and earn some money, and when a couple of them seem truly interested, a question here and a question there quickly turns into a Michael Guerin lesson on mechanics. Those of them who are not interested, are free to just hang around as long as they dont wreak havoc or make a mess out of the place.

The thing is, Michael is completely unaware of the irony in all of that. Sanders is not, and he just hangs around smirking to himself about how much of a grumpy old man Michael is shaping up to be and laughing at history repeating itself and things like that.

It takes Isobel talking about them as Michael's junkyard children for Alex to bring the topic up. I mean, Michael is basically already doing it, and if they start fostering teens they could give some of them the happy childhood Michael never got. After that, not every kid who passes through the junkyard stays with them but some of them do, and some of them keep hanging around even after aging out of the system.

There is a panicked moment after their first foster kid gives him the silent treatment, where Alex runs to Greg for guidance; Greg has to politely remind him that he's an elementary school teacher, and his 16 years old kid might not react with the same energy to glitter glue and a happy song, so he has to figure out a different way.

Eventually they start to foster smaller kids too, and of course sometimes it's sad when they have to go and the house feels empty, but they always try and remember: it's not for them, it's for the kids. And during those nights The Beagle™ needs to find cuddles in the now domesticated ball of fur, because Michael is in very big need of a snuggle that Alex is more than happy to provide. It's how he recharges too, after all.

As far as their parenting style, Michael's a lost cause: he is incapable of not spoiling the kids because, why deny them the little joys if there's no harm in it, right? They deserve them. But he also realize the kids need structure, and he is pretty no-nonsense about it, also because, on the other hand, Alex is very much afraid of being the strict parent. It's a new chapter with every new kid, as every instance of parenting is, but the baseline of a good home is always there: love and safety.

I also can't seem to decide whether Michael would be the kind of hip parent who knows all about the youngsters culture, uses the correct terms and shares the right memes or the most embarassing dad who watches instagram reels about tiktoks and is always six months behind the last big thing. But I feel there's no in between.

Alex, sadly, despite being a cyber intelligence specialist, still mourns last.fm and that tells you everything you need to know.

Somewhere down the line, once they've collectively bought enough land to build a communeplace for all of them to live together while still maintaining a semblance of privacy (Isobel's broad interpretation of boundaries has not changed, sadly), the possibility of a full Oasian becomes a reality. The thing is, this is not just Isobel's baby, this is the podsquad baby, the triad's baby. Isobel and Michael might be the biological donors, but this is their baby.

As you can easily imagine, this is the most spoiled baby ever, because each one of them expect the others to be stern, when in reality, the baby has them all wrapped around their little fingers, and this is without powers, yet.

The first time Alex holds the baby he is completely overwhelmed: they seem so tiny, so fragile, but when he gently strokes his thumb on their forehead, they open their big, staring eyes, and everything else disappears.

Michael, you ask? Ooh, Michael is gloating. He never thought he could have half a thing in his life and now he has everything. He also self-appoints himself as the defender of the baby's curls: that entails slapping the hand of everyone that tries to play with a lock of hair to make it bounce. Do you know how annoying that can be? Leave the baby alone.

Of course, Michael is also a little shit and as soon as the baby starts talking and figuring out a way of calling them all, he tries to make them refer to Max as grandpa, to the utter hilarity of Liz and the total indignation of Max. He has yet to succeed, but the baby's still young, so Only time will tell.

[hen-of-letters]

@spnprideweek day one: flags

This little ficlet for #spnprideweek is brought to you by my big, non-binary bisexual love for this beautiful fandom, and my desire to fix that moment in 'Baby' when Cas indulges Dean by saying "werepire", but Dean doesn't hear him and Cas doesn't know. It ended up getting a bit long, so there's more under the cut or over on AO3. Thanks!

Dean's at Pride, and feeling a rising level of discomfort.

It's not the fact that he's wearing eyeliner in public for the first time in his forty-two years. Hell, he'd been wanting to do that ever since he was a kid, dreaming of being a rock star. The covers of music magazines in gas station racks had been windows on a world free from the brutally narrow definition of what his Dad meant when he told him to "be a man". Gradually, though, he'd learned what is gloriously apparent today under the hot June sun: that there are as many ways of being a man as there are men.

It's not because the sleeveless white t-shirt he's wearing is somewhat snug. (The heat had made him shed his pink, purple and blue plaid shirt - the one he'd worn today because Claire always called it his 'bi flannel' - and tie it around his waist.) He and Cas are both wearing a little of their contentment on their waistlines these days, and he believes Cas when he says that he adores his body because he means it when he says the same to Cas.

It's not the big, heart-shaped sticker slapped on his chest, which is striped in the colours of the bisexual pride flag in a way that's much less subtle than the flannel. Dean's always known that he wasn't only into chicks, but putting a name to it is new. Dean's had jobs and Dean's had roles, but having an identity had always seemed like a luxury well beyond Dean's means. Now he's not constantly running for his life, though, he has the breathing room to figure himself out. And he's good with this part of himself. More than good.

It's not the two flags that are padding the pockets of his jeans. One, he'd bought for Cas: it's striped in pale pink, pale blue and white. Earlier, he'd gone with Cas when he'd met up with some friends he'd met online (having managed to get past all the cats this time). The ex-angel had found that discussing their experiences of being trans had helped him feel happy in the body that had become his own. Dean could only feel immense gratitude for the way Cas' face had lit up afterwards when he'd talked about how he was creating himself, becoming himself, and embracing the human condition of change.

Dean hopes that the gift of the trans pride flag will show Cas that Dean understands and loves him, and the same is true for the other flag, which he'd picked up for Jack. It's yellow, white, purple and black. Dean had had to do a little research when Jack had used the term non-binary - it's amazing how the world can move on while you're living in an underground bunker. He'd kept on researching, too, after he'd learned the basics. Maybe he was still figuring himself out. Maybe there was more to discover about himself, and wasn't that fantastic?

Jack is wandering around somewhere with Claire and Kaia. Jody and Donna are here, too, with Alex and Patience. Adam and Michael have probably partied their way through fifty international pride parades by now, but they should be meeting up with everyone else later. Sam and Eileen are not far away. Eileen was the one who's slapped the bi pride sticker on Dean's chest - with unnecessary force, if you asked Dean. She'd grinned at him, showed off the identical sticker on her own chest, and said, with a suitably cheesy wink, "we need to stick together". He remembered the moment he'd nervously asked her the sign for 'bisexual', and when she'd shown him - the letter signs for 'b' and 'i' - she'd added, "me too," and Dean had scooped her up into a crushing hug.His love for his family is endless, and them all being here is definitely not why he's uncomfortable.

And it's not the body glitter freckling his cheeks and his shoulders with gold, although his feelings might change by the time he tries to remove it tonight. He'd been gilded with it when he'd been dancing up a storm with a group of drag queens. They'd admired his eyeliner - a deep brown shot through with gold along his upper lashes - but winked and said it was "a little subtle for Pride". As soon as Dean had seen the tube of glitter, he'd yelled "hell yes!" and even managed to hold still long enough to be coated in the stuff before moving his body to the beat again. Although he's sure his feet will be aching later, so far his favourite cowboy boots are not the source of his discomfort.

It's not the bright pink feather boa, either, which he'd acquired from the same source as the glitter, when he'd been sent off with a kiss to the cheek and the words "be bold, honey!" He'd expected the boa to tickle or irritate, but for some bizarre reason the sensation of feathers around his shoulders and the back of his neck feels incredibly comforting and reassuring. He feels warm and safe and oh. Oh.

As that particular realisation sweeps over him, Dean tightens his hold on Cas. He's standing behind him with his right hand on Cas' hip, and his left arm is up over his shoulder and wrapped around his chest. His hand is splayed out, at once putting his silver wedding band on display and somehow attempting to conceal Cas from the eyes of his many admirers (and, well, good luck with that. Cas is incredibly beefy these days).

Which brings us to the source of Dean's discomfort; to the thing that's deepening the furrow in his brow and the dimples beside his pursed lips: namely, the sheer number of guys hitting on Cas.

It's not like Dean can blame them. Cas' muscular frame is wrapped in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt bearing the Led Zeppelin 1975 tour logo. The short sleeves show off the floral tattoos trailing down his left arm. Cas is wearing a rainbow-coloured enamel belt buckle and, because he's determined to be the death of Dean, black cowboy boots. Before they'd left, Dean hadn't been able to resist grabbing a black kohl pencil and smudging a little along Cas' upper and lower lashes. And, okay, maybe Cas' wide-eyed bewilderment every time he's flirted with is vaguely amusing. But when Dean is right here? Not cool.

Right on cue, here's another one. From over his husband's shoulder, Dean levels his very best glare at the guy. It's a look that can stop a demon dead in its tracks. A vampire would tremble. A werewolf would wet itself. But one young gay guy with a few drinks in him? Totally unaffected. Like the others, he's all smiles and understanding when Cas politely, if awkwardly, waves him away. (Literally. With a final dorky little wave goodbye.)

Dean realises that he's moved his right arm around Cas' waist, so now Dean is wrapped around Cas like some kind of koala/octopus hybrid. An octoala? A koctopus? Definitely koctopus. Heh.

Dean snorts at the thought, which is somewhat unfortunate, given that his face is right next to Cas' ear. Cas flinches and turns his head around to fix him in a squinty glare.

"Koctopus?" Dean says, apologetically.

Cas narrows his eyes further and tilts his head to the side.

"Um, the way I was wrapped around you. I was like a cross between a koala and an octopus."

Dean nudges Cas. "So what does that make me? C'mon, you know you wanna say it."

Cas just tilts his head a bit further to the side, either in confusion or outright despair. Dean has untangled himself from Cas and stepped back, and looks down at the ground, suddenly self-conscious.

Dean feels Cas' hand on his shoulder, and then it smooths over his back, finding the back of his neck underneath the boa. Whatever his shape, Cas' touch has the exact same effect on Dean. He looks up into the impossibly blue eyes of his husband.

"You're a very glittery," Cas begins, softly, "and very beautiful," one corner of his mouth lifts, and then he purses his lips together, trying to hold back the smile, "koctopus."

The corners of his eyes are crinkled. He's not amused by the joke, Dean knows, just absurdly pleased to be saying something he knows will make Dean happy. Of course Dean knows that Cas loves him, knows the whole cosmic-realm-crossing magnitude of it, but in little moments like this, he's floored by it. Dean can't help his sudden exhale or the massive grin that breaks across his face. He wraps his husband up in hug that they hold for a good long moment, before Dean leans back to kiss Cas.

No one had ever explained to Dean how difficult it is to kiss someone when you can't stop smiling. He'd never had that problem before Cas, but now it's practically a daily occurrence. It's a menace because kissing Cas is one of Dean's favourite pastimes. Now, they trade little pecks between wide, toothy grins, until passion takes over and the kisses become heavier.

It takes someone wolf-whistling for them to part, and then they're back to grinning and staring into each others' eyes, until Dean spots something on Cas' face. And something else. And something else. In fact, there's something all over Cas, and that something is gold glitter. It's on his face, his hands, his Zeppelin shirt, and even in his hair. Dean runs his fingers through the unruly curls - Cas has been wearing his hair longer lately - in an attempt to shake it out, but only deposits more glitter into Cas' locks.

"Oops," Dean says, "I kinda glitter bombed you there. It's all over your shirt, too. Sorry, Sunshine."

He doesn't sound terribly sorry.

"This is your shirt, Dean."

"Aw, man."

He does sound a little sorry now, but his future laundry woes are forgotten when Cas presses another kiss to his pouting lips. They're forgotten again when something across the crowd catches Dean's eye.

"Oooh," Dean exclaims as he drags Cas towards the stall he's spotted.

It's selling cowboy hats in every configuration of colour imaginable, and Dean is practically jumping on the spot excitement. Cas looks his husband up and down, slowly.

"You think your outfit's lacking accessories?" he deadpans.

"Yup," is Dean's gleeful reply, "and so's yours."

Cas' groan is lost to the noise of the crowd and the beat of the music, so no-one will ever know if it was one of protest or defeat. He does, in fact, end up wearing a black cowboy hat with a rainbow band, so if it was protest then it was highly ineffective. Dean's has a pink crown, purple band and blue brim, and he's carrying another black one with a band in the non-binary flag colours for Jack. Cas admits that Jack's going to love it.

"Damn, this is awesome," Dean says as they head back to meet up with the rest of their family.

Walking hand in hand with Cas, Dean's thoughts wander. Dean could kick his younger self for every time he'd called someone gay or a girl as a way of saying they were weak. Because all he can see in the people around him is strength. He grins again, giddy with the atmosphere of defiant joy. All around him is everything he'd spent his life fighting to protect: freedom, family, and love. Holding his husband's hand a little tighter, he's grateful that in the end he gets to have both: freedom and peace.

[thewistlingbadger]

Monsters inc is gay

Spoilers for monsters inc, monsters university, and monsters at work

And before you even argue with me that it's not gay, I'm gonna remind you that the movie is about being in and out of closets. And that theme song?? Have you HEARD that theme song?

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY

I wanna address the gay metaphor that's monsters university. Mike gets bullied in school because he "isn't like other monsters". This is to the point where every school field trip he gets paired up with the teacher because none of the other kids wanna be with. Even his own COUSIN doesn't wanna be his partner. Because of being an outcast, it pushes him to be the best that he can. He joins a university were every step of the way, people are telling him that he shouldn't be there, he doesn't meet the qualifications for being "human" (oc he's not human but you know what i mean), and that she should switch majors and stuff. But he doesn't listen to them and continues to be himself. He ends of joining a fraternity with all the other outcasts PLUS a jock. (I'll get to Mike and sully) We got an old man, a young man who lives with his mom, two twins who are good at magic and dancing, and a hippie who's been to jail before. It couldn't be gayer if it tried. And then there's Randall who originally was friends with Mike but he wants to get in with "the cool kids" and once he does he tells mike to "not mess this up" for him. He even gets rid of his own glasses to conform with them. The same cool kids who tell Mike that he doesn't belong and the same cool kids that sully wants to be with.

MIKE AND SULLY

When we first meet mike and sully, they are living together. These two balance each other out. Mike gets sully through the morning routine and sully gets them to walk to work where they have playful or *flirty* banter. But what about Celia!! I hear you asking?? Celia seems to be the first girl that Mike has good interactions with imo. The only girls he meets in college are fans of OK, randomly girls that are just there, or competitors in the competition. All of his friends are males in college. At work, Celia and Roz are the only girls there i think and we all know how he feels about Roz. So the possibilities of how him and Celia came to be are endless. They could have bonded over common interests and Celia developed a crush on him or she was the only girl that he's ever had feelings for and that's why he's dating her. As for Celia, i mean c'mon. She wears a short dress and has snakes as hair. I think it's safe to say she's queer. Mike in monsters inc has changed a lot since monsters university. He's more assured of himself and he no longer has the need to prove himself. (He's ecstatic that hes in the commerical even tho his face isn't shown in it. Also while this happens, he calls *Sully's* mom about the commerical. We can also see that the two have their own chairs and Sully's smirks when Mike sits in Sully's chair. Not to mention that we don't see Mike's room in the apartment.) He's no longer uncomfortable with himself and he knows who he is. (He's more socially comfortable, saying good morning to neighbors and coworkers, joking around with sully and openly flirting with Celia.) When they see Randall in the locker room, Mike says "one day... I'm gonna let you give him a piece of my mind." If you've seen monsters inc then you know the dynamic these two have and them being gay for each other isn't that far of a stretch. Monsters inc could be a metaphor in the sense of sully being ready for the next step of him and Mike's life, (kids) while mike isn't ready to have kids. And then not to mention the scene of them when they get banished! "none of it matters? Sully, what about everything we've worked for? Does that matter? Huh? What about Celia? I am never gonna see her again. Doesn't that matter? What about me? I'm your pal, I'm your best friend! Don't i matter?" And then the scene where they make up! They're an old married couple. And DON'T GET ME STARTED TO MONSTERS UNIVERSITY! IF YOU NEED A REMINDER, GO WATCH THE MOVIE! ALL I GOTTA SAY IS ENEMIES TO LOVERS.

OTHERS CHARACTERS

As a wrap up my essay, I'd like to address the other characters.

Randall is a gay man in denial

Fungus is a twink

Waternoose is be gay do crime

THESE TWO BE FUCKIN

AND SO DO THESE TWO

Then there's the blue and red monster. I don't know their names but I know they're dating

MONSTERS AT WORK

Just loon at the characters for a minute

Let's go left to right

The crab like monster is named cutter and is good a fixing things. And don't we all love our local she/they butch lesbian who works at home depot? The yellow monster? Her name is Val and she is the pansexual friend who drags your closeted ass to pride. She's bubbly and can't shut up for the life of her because deep down she's lonely and just wants you to like her. The purple monster, Tylor, is a gay himbo so of course he's the main character of the show. He's a jock who now that school's over he doesn't know what to do other than acknowledge the fact that he likes men. The green freak behind him? His name is Duncan so i really don't have to go into detail about him you already know he's a gay homophobic man. Him and Tylor are classic enemies to lovers. Duncan calls him college boy and he even called him pretty boy once. Which you know, that only gay people use that term so that's pretty much a closed case. The next guy is just an old gay man. As for sully and Mike, they endure the hardships of running a business together. If you watch the show, it'll become very clear to you that mike sully and celia are in a relationship.

[boys-from-santacarla]

so i've never seen any fic or really anything for dwayne + paul so like maybe that idk--

Notes: Thank you so much for your request. 💛 And sorry if I made you wait too long. I have never read anything like this either, but I hope you like it. It was fun writing it tbh, so feel free to write a positive or negative feedback.

Warnings: Homophobia, homophobic language, cursing, a bit of explicitness in an attempt to lead to sex.

The Moralist (Dwayne x Paul)

Word Count: 1563.

The fourth night at stakeout waiting at the boardwalk was going just as usual; with David waiting at the corner for Star and Laddie to hopefully come back with a third individual, and Paul and Marko playing a stupid game to win a stuffed animal, with Dwayne as a keen spectator next to them.

When the game was over, both players started fighting.

"You cheating bitch! Everyone saw I was winning until you step on my foot!" Paul yelled.

"Maybe I did, but you started it by pushing me every five seconds!" Marko snapped back. Paul half-closed his eyes in anger and began to yell again when Dwayne got between the two.

"Ok, we get it. You both assholes are losers that need to cheat to win something." He laughed and the blondes protested with a loud "hey". He rolled his eyes and said "Move on."

Paul pointed a finger towards Marko and warned "You gon' pay, buddy." Marko gave him the finger and started walking backwards to play some more while showing off his brand new item.

"Hey, man, c'mon. Let's get a drink or something." Dwayne suggested still laughing.

After getting a tasteless six for the evening, both moved to a calmer side at the end of the boardwalk to sit down at some stairs. After all, when Michael appeared they'd hear David's bike.

"Dave's really into this guy." Dwayne said after taking the first sip of his beer.

Paul giggled "Who would've known his weakness were young and closeted curly brunettes."

Dwayne hummed his agreement. "I mean, he's kinda cute." He said and giggled, earning a funny look from his company.

"Don't tell me you have the hots for him too" Paul pleaded incredulous.

Dwayne shook his head "Nah, it's just..." He stopped for a moment to think about it. Michael was dumb, that was for sure, but he had this exciting... aura around him. And he was good looking too.

"I don't know" He finally stated and shrugged. "He's cute. That's all."

"Oh, Lord..." Paul shook his head in disappointment "We got us another fairy vamp."

Dwayne punched his shoulder. "You're such a homophobe. As if you and Marko didn't looked like fags." He teased and took another sip.

"Hey, man! He's the one who seems to like to get annoying just for me to be all over him!" Paul defended himself and was about to get another sip too when he processed Dwayne's whole saying "And I'm no homophobe!" He declared offended.

Dwayne gave him a skeptical look "You know..." he shrugged "they say all homophobes are closeted gays, so..." He unfinished the sentence suggestively.

Paul rolled his eyes and continued advocating his reputation. "I'm as liberal as the next guy. I could even kiss a guy and don't give any fucks." Dwayne almost spitted his drink with that last one.

"Yeah, sure." He murmured.

"I'm serious!"

Dwayne raised his head unconvinced "I don't think so. Your ego's far too sensible for that."

"It is not." Paul snorted.

That made Dwayne wonder, ok, so macho drama queen was liberal and respectful? Why not test the veracity of this?

"Fine. Then kiss me."

Paul turned to look at him disbelieving "I'm a lot of man for you, sweetheart." He said with smugness, but there was a slight quiver in his voice to denote his awkwardness.

Dwayne laughed "I knew it."

"Just because I won't kiss you doesn't mean I'm a damn homophobe. It's just that you're not my type."

"Because I'm a man." Dwayne persisted.

"No, because you're disgusting and ugly." Paul corrected.

But maybe it wasn't a bad idea.

Maybe it would be good to prove Dwayne, the big moralistic guru, that no sloppy kiss could hurt his masculinity. Cause that was the truth, wasn't it?

Paul sighed "You know what? Fine." He decided.

Dwayne shoot up his eyebrows.

Paul smirked "Come here and have a taste." He sensually invited and loudly smacked his lips.

Dwayne remained still for a moment, shocked that Paul was actually up for it. The hotshot couldn't let anyone patronize him, uh.

"Ok." He simply accepted and moved to accommodate his legs with Paul to get closer with each other.

Making eye contact, Dwayne, still a little unsure, put his big hand on Paul's waist while Paul placed with a bit of extra force his palm on Dwayne's cheek.

Then they brought their faces together and left nothing between their lips but an inch apart. So close that each could notice the other's dusty but fresh masculine scent.

"I still don't think you can handle this, bud" Paul whispered, lightly brushing his lips with Dwayne's with the movement.

Dwayne smirked with arrogance "Quitting?"

The blonde gave his negative with a low sound and moved his head to a side to fit his marginally parted lips with Dwayne's.

Both were taking this as a dare to press the other past his limits and make him step back, to leave clear who was the homophobe here. So why think of this wrong? It was just a kiss to prove who had the best manners. No more.

They stayed still for a moment, like a pair of kids having their first kiss. Not moving, just innocently touching lips. But none would step back and give up.

So, if a simple smash of lips was something both could stand, then they would have to take it farther. And it felt surprisingly easy.

Both moved their lips to taste better the other's flavor, and Paul moved his palm from Dwayne's cheek to his nape, slowly, caressing his soft skin, and feeling the light brush of his strands between his fingers. All this while Dwayne moved his hand from his friend's waist to his lower back, intently pressing them closer together and feeling Paul muscles flexing.

The kiss got sensual when feeling silly both opened their mouths and crashed together their tongues. The stubble definitely felt weird, both thought, and even though the hair could help imagine it was a girl, they could not forget it was a pal whom their were kissing.

But that didn't stopped them. Telling themselves it was because it was their job to make the other uncomfortable, they didn't broke the kiss. Just continued to move in a hot syntony sharing saliva.

So the sudden jolt Dwayne felt was justifiable, just as Paul's low moan was too.

It got rapidly heated. Both moving with more confidence, as if already knowing how to move in harmony with the contrary. Their lips began making smacking noises when one decided to venture and nibble a little.

Panting, their hands wandered more and traveled exposed spots of skin and leather.

Paul placed his free hand on his friend's thigh, caressing it while still moving his exploring tongue inside Dwayne's mouth. The hand on his back sent a cold chill on his spine and he felt his cock twitch. Dwayne's response was to moan a little and keep one hand on the wooden stairs to press Paul harder against him.

Lost in the track of time, the dare got out of control and they were both half-hard.

And both felt good.

Fuck, both felt good.

Paul's conscious abruptly came into play and he jumped as if burned, breaking the kiss in cold. Dwayne stayed in position until he reopened and focused his dark eyes on the blonde's. His puzzled expression was enough for him to react too.

In unison their heads turned to the side, trying to hide their dark red faces.

Dwayne cleared his throat "Uhm... that was... That was..."

Paul hesitantly wiped his mouth with the back of his wobbly hand, then glanced at Dwayne still looking anywhere else but at him and repeated his previous action, now with deliberated disgust.

"Repugnant. Nauseating. Ugh, I wanna puke." He stuck out his tongue.

Dwayne agreed "You're such a lousy kisser, man." He copied Paul's action and pretended to clean his lips.

There was an uncomfortable silence while they tried to recover and regain their prides. Dwayne was about to say something when unexpectedly Marko appeared from behind calling them. They turned their heads.

"Hey, guys! Michael's here. Let's go." He seemed oblivious, so he walked back to where he came from and didn't gave them a chance to respond.

Turning back at each other, they wanted to utter something, but just made eye contact, saying... what? "Don't worry, it was good, but I'm not telling, not even myself cause that makes me gay. Thanks for making my dick twitch, tho"?

Dwayne jumped to his feet.

"Well, now it's a fact that you're a homophobe." He teased, in an attempt to dissolve his odd feeling, but it didn't work. "So, I'll, uh, I'll get going, bro." He adjusted his jeans, climbed the stairs and resumed his natural cocky strut as casually as he could.

"Yeah." Was all Paul could say, almost inaudible. But that didn't matter.

He adjusted his pants too and got up.

Yeah, he liked kissing Dwayne, so what? It got a little out of hand and provoked a natural sexual response, right? He wasn't attracted or anything, right? He knew the guy was hot, but everyone with eyes could acknowledge that. It was no big deal. Cause he wasn't a fag.

Paul wasn't a fag.

He wasn't.

Damn.

[thewalkingfanfictions]

I’m Not Gay -- Sam Winchester x Male!reader

I'm Not Gay — Sam Winchester x male!hunter!reader

Part One / Part Two

Description: Forced out of his motel room by his sister when she and a stranger burst through the door playing tongue wars, (Name) decides to go for walk, where he runs into Sam, tall, handsome, smart, and no, (Name) definitely doesn’t like guys, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Warning: Some internalized homophobia, references to sex, and some cussing. Supernatural-themed gore and violence (they fight vampires)

Genre: Fluff, I guess? A bit of angst in there somewhere probably, too, since I have no self control.

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Male!Reader

A/N: I have no idea what the fuck this is. This is such a crack fic. Reader has a sister named Lidia, for reasons that I do not know.

Words without A/N: 2483

Masterlist

<———————>

"You sure you don't wanna come with, (name)?"

"No, Lidia, I'm just gonna stay here and research. 'Sides, socializing is for psychopaths."

Lidia (Last name); ninety-three pounds of redheaded sarcasm, anger issues, and badassery. Also my sister, senior to me by four years ("and three months, (name)!") Also, also, a total extrovert with a thing for trying to force her introverted little brother to socialize. Disgusting.

"C'mon, (nickname), you need to get laid! I could totally find you a pretty, butch boy and—"

"Lidia, for the last time, I'm not gay!"

For the last several years, my darling, amazing, delightful (taste the sarcasm?) big sis has been living under the (totally unfounded) belief that I am a homosexual. I don't know where she seems to have gotten that notion, as I am not. (Summer camp doesn't count, dammit!)

"Mhm, keep tellin' yourself that, lil' bro. But, fine, if you won't come with me–" she dramatically picked herself up from the seat where she'd been fancying up her makeup–"I guess I'll just have to go without you. How terrible, little old me, scared and alone, walking down the road after dark without someone to protect me," she pouted.

"Oh, ha ha, very funny. We both know you could kick anyone who tried to bother you's ass without even looking."

Giggling, she picked up her bag (and a few blades) and turned towards the door. Looking back at me one more time, she gave me a middle-fingered salute before about-facing and heading through to the outside.

"See ya later, loser," she called back before the door closed all the way.

Even though she was already gone, I still mumbled a quiet "punk" under my breath after her, before setting off to start my research.

————

Three hours, several coffee refills, a few dead ends, and one (minor) mental break down later, I was really no closer to finding the thing we were hunting, and there was a crash outside the hotel door.

Lidia had been out for a while, there was a chance it was just her returning from whatever bar she had gone to, shit faced and unable to walk correctly, therefore knocking something into the door or the like, or, my least favorite option, it was something supernatural or other here to kill me.

Moving to grab a gun, I silently stalk towards the window beside the door. There's a few more dull thuds on the door, and some odd, wounded-animal type noise comes through the wood. Cautiously, I move the curtain a few centimeters, just enough to peer through without being spotted.

There, pushed up against the door, is my sister, some idiot attached to her at the lips, with hands going places I'd rather not think about when it comes to my sibling.

Grimacing, I turn around, shove my gun into the waistline of my jeans, and move to quickly grab my laptop and a few books. Maybe if I hurry I can get out of here before they actually start fucking, this time.

Hurrying towards it, the door suddenly opens, and in spills a very shirtless (and totally not attractive, what?) man, and my sister, who was now working on pulling her bra off. They shuffle towards one of the beds, and somewhere in the back if my head I register that its my bed that they're going towards as I awkwardly move around them, trying not to alert them of my presence. I didn't wanna deal with that conversation again.

Finally getting all the way to the door, I carefully pulled it open as not to bother the two, and backed out of the doorway. Glancing up, I got a full view of Lidia's tit before I managed to actually get out of the door.

I quietly closed the door, making sure that the click of the hinges was quiet enough that it wouldn't disturb the couple inside.

Pausing for a second, I couldn't help the dramatic shiver that rattled my body.

"That is-- that is far more of her than I ever needed to see," I winced.

Turning to go find a place to settle down while my sister and the stranger... did their thing, I came face-to-face with a brick wall. Well, more face-to-chest, actually, and brick wall wasn't quite right, I guess. He was closer to a tank. Even at the few paces away from me that he stood, he still seemed incredibly tall. Long-ish brown hair curled around his ears, and his face was undoubtedly attractive. A small smile (that I definitely did not find adorable, I don't know what you're talking about, I'm totally, definitely, one hundred percent straight) tugged at full lips and his eyes stared down at me questioningly. I could feel an ugly blush climbing up my neck.

"Uh– heh, uhm, my, my– uh my–" my awkward stuttering was cut off when the man huffed a small laugh, and spoke.

"You must be the brother."

...

"Heh?" His smile only broadened at my perplexed stare and he took a few steps closer to me. I couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated by the guy's humongous stature, though his face seemed innocent and kind enough. Still, in my line of work, you can never be too careful. I instinctively felt my hand reach for the gun still hidden in my waistband.

"In, uh, in there," he pointed lightly at the door I'd just come out of, "my brother, he's the one with your sister. She was talking about a brother at her motel, I, uh, I guess that'd be you," he finished off, trailing out slightly as he realized he had nothing more to say. It was his turn to blush.

I let myself relax slightly, I didn't think he was so much of a threat anymore.

Smiling slightly, I couldn't not let my eyes glance over him.

Uh, in as purely heterosexual way, obviously.

His shoulders were stupidly broad, and under his denim coat I was sure there had to lay muscle. Before, when I said he was tall, I don't think you really got the full picture. The awning thing that came off the front of the hotel to protect anyone on the sidewalk was probably your standard seven foot high roof; this guys head was only a few inches under it. He was huge. His face was young, but had a whisper behind it that said that he'd seen some things someone his age generally didn't. The dimples on either side of that blindingly bright smile made him just so much more attractive, and I couldn't not find him cute. (Once again, in a totally hetero way, I'm really, definitely, completely Not Gay.)

Figuring that I couldn't stand there and gawk any longer without coming off as creepy, I finally spoke up.

"Uh, yeah, Lidia. And your brother. That was–" I shuddered slightly, "–that was a sight I never needed to see."

He chuckled slightly and took a few steps closer to me. I was still a bit wary, but I let him come closer without pulling a gun on him, anyway.

"Yeah, no, it's not pleasant. He's done the same thing to me before."

I blanched up at him (damn, he really is tall) and thought to the scene that was unraveling right inside the door. Didn't he say he was his brother? I mean, to each your own, but damn—

"No! No, not—" he cut off my train of thought, growing redder by the second. He took a few more steps forward until he was right in front of me, holding his hands up in surrender. "I mean— I meant barging into the room with a partner while I was still there like that, not-not that he's—not that he's done, done that—" I cut him off, wanting to end the poor babbling disasters misery.

Cracking a smile, I laugh gently at him and reach out to touch his arm and make him pause.

"Oh-oh, its okay, calm down man, I getcha, I getch—"

MOAN

My sisters pleasured voice cut me off and made me freeze up, my face burning red.

"Nope, nope, nopety nope nope nope, can we please go anywhere else and continue this conversation? Literally anywhere, oh my fuck, oh my—" I started walking before he could say anything, not wanting to have to suffer through another sound like that.

He chuckled again as I passed him and quickly caught up to me, reaching out to gently grab my arm before I got to far.

"My, uh– we could hang out in my room for a while. 'Till they're, ya know, done," he grimaced and nodded his head towards the room to the direct right of ours. He hadn't seemed dangerous so far, so I mean, why not?

I nodded hesitantly and let the man lead me into the room, noting the fact that his hand didn't leave my arm until the very last second.

He let me in first and closed the door softly behind us. I have never been so thankful that these walls were thicker than any other motel's walls in existence. If I focused hard enough, I could almost imagine that the faint moaning was just sound coming from the little box TV.

The room was set up pretty much the same as ours. The same, mildewy wallpaper, two twin sized mattresses on either side of the room with the same pale comforter tucked around a paper pillow. A few littler things did stick out to me, though. The pre packed buggout bags sitting right at the end of both beds, the laptop that sat on the bedside table with a bunch of papers laying haphazardly around it, a half-drank coffee cup sitting beside it. The scene seemed oddly familiar.

"My, uh," the man's voice cut off my searching eyes, "my name's Sam, by the way. I don't think I said that before." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and I definitely didn't find it cute. At all. Nope.

Sam. It fit him. I like it.

Smiling up at him, (and totally not noticing how his frame would almost take up the entire door frame that he stood beside) I opened my mouth to respond, only to be cut off again by a crash from the room next door and an even louder moan. I grimaced, the awkwardly smiled up at him once again.

"I'm (name), it's, uh, it's nice to meet ya?" How do people socialize again?

"Uh, yeah, nice to meet you, too." Well that's reassuring, at least he seems just about as nervous as I am.

He stepped forward a bit and awkwardly held his hand out to me, which I accepted with a small, close-lipped smile. The moment our skin made contact, I genuinely didn't want to let go. The warmth of his overly-large hand was intoxicating, and his touch made me oddly giddy.

Looking up into his eyes, I found, was a total mistake. A stunning mixture of smokey hazel and green, small flecks of honey dotted his iris'. His eyes seemed so deep. Seemed so much older than they really were, once again, like he'd seen far more in his life than an average man his age could ever claim. Not to be dramatic or anything, but he was absolutely captivating.

I don't really know how long we sat there and stared at each other, but by the time I finally realized how weird it probably was, and forced myself to look away, I was starting to feel a bit light headed. Let's blame that on lack of sleep and an excess of coffee, and not on whatever was causing my stomach to flutter so dangerously as it was.

"Heh," I looked down towards our feet, my face flushing dramatically. I'm sure by now I'm about as red as a baboons ass, and only flushing redder as I realized that he was still holding my hand.

"Uh-uhm, so, uh, Sam--" I stuttered pathetically, focussing on the hand that still held mine until he awkwardly let go. "--what, uh, what do you do for a living?"

And so the night kicked off just like that. Soon enough, we were both sat cross legged on the bed, sharing stories (all the ones that I could think of that didn't involve murder or monsters) and trading memories. I learned that he had planned to be a lawyer, and was almost done with his course when some unmentioned family drama popped up, and he had to take a sudden leave. I found out that he traveled for work with his brother (a sentence that seemed suspiciously familiar) and that he loved to read. He told me how his girlfriend had died in some terrible house fire only a few months before (my heart definitely didn't freeze up at the fact that he had a girlfriend, shut up) and that he still had nightmares about her. We talked for hours, and, unlike with most people, I never once got bored of it.

I really don't know how long we sat there and chatted, but, by the time the doorframe to the room was vomiting up a sweaty and slightly-drunk older brother, my eyes had started to sag with exhaustion.

"Wa-Sam-Who's this?" Dean (Sam had spoken of him frequently over the evening) slurred slightly, gazing at me with an almost accusatory look. Before I had the chance to respond, Sam was already up and talking, standing between us almost protectively.

"(Name). He's, uh, he's the little brother of the girl you...were with, tonight." He seemed uncertain at exactly what he was saying, but he got the point across.

Being as he was still standing guard in front of me like he was (why on earth was he doing that?), Dean had to lean around him to look at me, which made Sam fidget nervously, for some reason.

"Dean--"

"(Name), you should probably be headed back, it's getting kinda late and I'm sure your sisters wondering where you're at," Dean cut his brother off, leaning further around Sam to look at me. Not gonna lie, he kinda scared me. Standing, I moved to grab the things I'd escaped the room with earlier, and headed for the door, turning back to beckon Sam a good night, I caught sight of them staring at eachother like they were having a silent argument, and just darted out the door, instead of saying anything. Maybe we'd meet again one day.

The air was cold, and it had gotten very dark in the time that I was hidden away in the room with Sam. I walked briskly back to my own room, opened the door with my key, and hesitantly poked my head in, not wanting to wake my sister if she'd fallen asleep.

"So there  you are, (nickname), out getting some dick, were you?"

Ugh.

[miioouu]

HEADCANONS: fake dating!

Bakugo Katsuki:

-It all started when the bakusquad teased him about being gay saying stuff like "hey dude, being gay is ok" or "man if you're gay just tell us we won't treat any other way".

-So of course he had to prove them wrong, bc he's not gay only for kiri... and todo and what better way than to idk, make out with a girl in front of them?

- You were the first one to pop in his mind when he came up with the idea.

- You two were pretty close so no one will suspect a thing. Plus he knew you'd agree cause you're just that nice right?

- Well not really.... When he came up to you and addressed his idea at first you were shocked, did THE Bakugou Katsuki ask for your help?! wow you were impressed! And also nah, you're not gonna let this opportunity pass.

- So you told him you'd agree only if he helps you train. I mean c'mon you have one of the strongest students asking for help you're gonna take advantage of the situation. So after a few complaints from him, he finally agreed and you two started talking about the details of the "relationship".

- One day you two entered class holding hands. You were all smiley and blushy, thank god for the drama classes you took as a child, while he was being his normal grumpy self, but if anyone looked close enough they could see the faint blush on his cheeks. He wasn't used to this much affection.

- All the class was silent for like a minute or so, trying to make sense of the whole situstion untill someone decided to break the awkward air with a "FINALLY YOU TWO TOOK FOREVER TO CONFESS" which made the class react and just drown you with questions.

- Now, it was no lie that the two of you liked each other, but on one hand you had a grumpy explosive boy who would rather die than express his real feelings, and you on the other hand was too shy and too afraid of rejection to confess.

- Few weeks passed by, the whole fake dating thing really got you two closer than ever before, but you still decided to keep your feelings for yourselves.

- Maybe one day the fake dating will turn into real dating, who knows?

Sero Hanta (my boi needs more LOVE)

- You were in deep deep trouble. Like serious trouble.

- You're cousin was coming to visit. That alone was a nightmare. She was the kind of girl who would judge you for literally anyting. Your hair color, your fashion style, the fact that you are still single.

- But you've had enough of all these years of bullying. Well you knew she meant no harm, but you just couldn't take it anymore you wanted to make her shut the fuck up.

- So you asked your friend, your dear kind friend Sero to help you out. Just anything to help you go through the next two weeks without murdering your cousin.

- He suggested fake dating, like this she won't annoy you about that subject anymore. And then you guys started thinking about who would accept to do that with you.

- When he couldn't find anyone he almost gave up untill you said "Hey Sero since you came up with the idea, why don't you pretend to be my boyfriend?.... Pretty please?"

- Being the sweetheart he is, and wanting to help you, he accepted.

- Whenever your cousin was around, you texted him and smiled to make it more believable, and hid your phone whenever she tried to look with who you were talking.

- One day, she couldn't take it anymore and asked in a very obvious sarcastic tone "Who are you texting y/n? Your boyfrieeend?"

- God you just wanted to smack her! But instead you nodded with a smile on your face.

- She asked you to meet him, she wanted to "make sure he's good enough for you" you tried to refuse multiple times but she insisted so you asked Sero to come over and tell him the whole plan.

- Sero showed up with flowers in his hands, which surprised you because he didn't tell you he was going to bring you something. Which made you slightly blush because of his kindness.

- Diner went great, Sero kept glancing your way, sending you smiles and would occasionally kiss your hands, and everytime he did so, it sent butterflies to your stomach, he was so sweet and gentle. But hey snap out of it, it's all an act y/n!

-Your cousin looked obviously jealous, good that's what you wanted.

- Evry other day, Sero you come over or he'd take you out on a "date" just to keep the act, and you can't help but find him more adorable everytime. Did your heart always beat that fast whenever he said your name?

- When your cousin left, Sero told you that it was a great plan, and she seemed to bother you less, which you respond to with a simple "yes, you're right" and a smile, but in reality, you were sad that he won't kiss your cheek anymore, he won't take you on dates anymore, that he wasn't your boyfriend anymore.

- But little did you know, he too was sad that you're not his anymore.

Shirabu Kenjirou

- His parents always bugged him about not having a significant other yet.

- They kept bothering him, to the point where they even tried to set him up with someone; inviting people over and making him talk to them, dragging him with them to meet their friend's kid, etc....

-He was mad at them, couldn't they just leave him alone?

- But to do that, it means he had to find someone who was willing to fake a relationship with him.

- It's when he thought about you, you had begged him to help you study, even telling him that you'd do anything just to help you pass your class.

- Well that was his only solution. So he called you up, explained the whole deal, and well he kind of forced you into it because "you said you'd do anything right? Unless you want to fail?"

- This little asshole! But well it's ok, who doesn't want to fake date a rich handsom young man?

- He picked you up and you went to a fancy fancy restaurant where his parents were waiting for you.

- What you weren't expecting from this whole deal, was to discover a new side of Shirabu, around his parents, he was happy, funny, joyful, the opposite of the Kenjirou you spent the last few years with.

- He'd keep making jokes with you, calling you  sweet nicknames and made sure your hair was out of your face by putting the loose strands behind your ears. Oof it was getting quite hot in this outdoor restaurant.

- When the lunch ended, his parents gave you a hug and kept insisting that they wanted to see you again.

- Once out if his parents' sight, he let go of your hand and his natrual mean face came back.

- Ouch, that hurts.

- You thought that this was the last time you'd ever see nice Shirabu, but you were wrong, a few days later, he asked you to come over beacause "my parents won't shut up about you" and you were more than happy to go again.

- His parents kept their promise and made sure that they see you at least once a week. Which helped you getting to know the setter better. He was no longer shy to show his sweet side around you even when it was the two of you alone studying, he often kept holding your hand even if his parents aren't looking, and his heart made a flip everytime you blushed if he played with your hair.

- You both didn't know what was going on, and how to deal with these new feelings, but you did know that you hoped the other never changed their mind.

Nishinoya Yuu

- You two were friends since god knows when. You were inseparable.

- One night, while you staying over to his place, a great, mischievous idea came to your mind.

- "Hey Yuu, why don't we prank the team and send the a snap of us holding hands?"

- Nishinoya was never one to back down from a prank.

- But well now that the team believes that you guys are dating, what were you going to do? Being the reckless teenagers that you are, you decided to keep up with the prank and start fake dating.

- Whenever the team was around, the two of you would act super lovey dovey like feeding each other, calling each other overly sweet names, hug like every two minutes. Guys please take a break!

- You would always visit him during training and games to cheer him up, compliment him on his moves, and proudly give him a kiss before and after each game.

- He was always here to help you go through bad days, make you smile when you got a bad grade, telling you it wasn't the end of the world, and caress you cheek whenever he saw you.

-Those were thing you normally did, even when you weren't "dating" but lately those small actions felt different.

- It was all fun and games untill one day, Nishinoya saw you talking to a guy, he felt jealous, he ran up to you and gave you a hug, glaring at the guy to leave without you noticing.

- You, on the other hand, wasn't doing better, whenever he would talk about other girls, telling you how hot he found them and how lonely he felt without a real s/o, you would get furious. But why? That's how Nishinoya always was. Nothing new.

- But those feelings didn't keep you two from giving up on the prank, wanting it to last as long as possible.

- When Karasuno won against Aoba Johsai, you ran over to Yuu to give him a hug, one of the tightest hug you ever shared, and neither of you wanted to let go, but you had to.

- When you separated, you couldn't help but look into each other's eyes, something was about to happen, something good was about to happen, you hoped.

[deerfests]

( 001. the young pope/the new pope || 002. lenny/brannox || 003. sir john brannox ) && ( 001. space force || 002. malloraird || 003. dr adrian mallory ) && ( 004. the new pope/space force )

just for the heck of it, and because i’m greedy ☺️

fandom ask

man wth that's a lot... 😂😂😂

Okay, off we go~

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my: + The Young Pope/The New Pope

Favorite character:

Sir John Brannox, because I love the emo pope. He's got so many issues, and he's lovable for it.

Least Favorite character:

Um... I guess I don't know. I don't want to offend anyone.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

I only have 2-- Sofia Dubois/Sir John Brannox and Lenny Belardo/Sir John Brannox. Judge me if you must *shrugs*

Character I find most attractive:

Lenny and Brannox gotta fight over that one. I like how both of them look.

Character I would marry:

My hand in marriage is saved for Trench, exclusively, and he's not even a character in the show. Sorry. 🤠

Character I would be best friends with:

Gutiérrez but that's cuz he's a nice man and stuff. The dude would be swept away by me doing bs and just end up enduring it, not because he likes me. Let's be real. Nobody in the show would like me enough to befriend me! Unless I somehow weasel my way to Brannox, and we bond over being sad bastards but I don't think I have the energy to deal with his moping...

a random thought:

I feel like Adam's grave fucked up the timeline, nothing adds up. I'm sorry, but how old is Brannox supposed to be?? I am confused.

An unpopular opinion:

I don't obsess with some characters the rest of the fandom seems to, so I guess that's my unpopular opinion.

my canon OTP:

Sofia Dubois/Sir John Brannox

Non-canon OTP:

Lenny Belardo/Sir John Brannox, because imagine how fun that'd be!

most badass character:

Fck, I feel it's Lenny in The Young Pope. He's just out there destroying things.

pairing I am not a fan of:

I don't desire to put a bullseye on my back.

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Hmm, I feel like Adam is an easy pick cuz for real, they did fuck up the timeline with him.

favourite friendship:

Lenny and Gutiérrez

character I want to adopt or be adopted by:

Nobody!! AH, that would screw me up big time.

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you: + Lenny/Brannox

when of if I started shipping it.

Like love at first sight, I fell for that shit since I saw them doing the world's most awkward prom picture. I mean, look at it:

And then I was pissed off... I watched the whole season and while I enjoyed it, I didn't get nearly enough interactions! But what I got, I treasure... Even if it probably tricks you into thinking this ship's dynamic is different than what I actually headcanon for them.

my thoughts:

Lenny would fuck up Brannox so badly. Then probably feel guilty about it to some extent, and try to do something about his incredibly low self-esteem. :) This is the only sfw thought I have.

What makes me happy about them:

:)) wouldn't you like to know.

I love, love, love the energy they would have, ok!? Imagine, the constant contrast of Lenny and Brannox! Just...imagine.

What makes me sad about them:

Lenny's dead. :((

Also, Brannox has no self-esteem. :(

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

IF there was fanfic of them, which there is none of, I checked-- I would be annoyed if somebody thought Brannox had any power to hold over Lenny. Also, IF there was fanfic, I would not hesitate to read it even if it was garbage, but there's none.

things I look for in fanfic:

Actually existing fanfic. There's none. I gotta write that shit myself, and I'm trying, but it's hard!

My kinks:

:)) I can't. I'll get shadowbanned. Lenny fucks him up, let's just say.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Sofia with Brannox, death with Lenny, I guess?? I'm quite happy how the show ended, but I've never been one to want my ships to be canon, most of the time.

My happily ever after for them:

They quit the clergy, I guess, and Lenny lives with Brannox in the estate and they slip into an awkward but working relationship? Brannox gets over his problems and so does Lenny.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you + Sir John Brannox.

How I feel about this character:

I feel I got into it before, but I love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Ah, this is a repeat. Sofia and Lenny, both in their own verses, never together at the same time.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

....Happiness/Brannox.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Not in the mood to put a bullseye on myself~

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

We got to see him interact more with ghost!Lenny. Like the scene at Adam's grave, just replay it 100x more.

my het ship:

Sofia and him.

my fem/slash ship:

Lenny and him.

my OTP:

Lenny/Brannox. But that might be cuz I love suffering and pissing people off.

my OT3:

None~

my cross over ship:

None???

my kink:

He has a praise kink.Probably cries during it, too.

a head cannon fact:

*gently puts a hand on Brannox's head* This bastard can fit so many obsessive thoughts in himself!

Also, sorry tumblr user sirjohnbrannox, I am stealing all your headcanons about him.

His parents probably mainly hated him cuz he was a non-straight punk, then started drugs to deal with his problems, and genuinely I feel like he's a little bit...how do I put this, not stable cuz of that. Adam was a perfect son, John meanwhile ended up traumatized and soft and scared. He has no self-esteem cuz his parents fucking sucked and played favorites!! And also probably blamed him for Adam’s death, I guess.  Fuck Brannox's parents!! I don't want to see them!!

my gender bend:

I don't have one, cuz I don't like them~

&&

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my: + Space Force

Favorite character:

Dr. Adrian Mallory, duh.

Least Favorite character:

RIP in PEPPERONI, KICK !! I HOPE YOU DIE.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

I literally only have one ship, Adrian/Mark.

Character I find most attractive:

In this episode of Dickie sets up ridiculous fights: Adrian Mallory vs Mark Naird. For whoever of the two, I actually find most attractive. Because I don't know, but boys are good.

Character I would marry:

HHHHH no

Character I would be best friends with:

Adrian, but only because we're both could be judgemental af... together!

a random thought:

Man, I hope they didn't make Malk shave for season 2. I'd hate that.

An unpopular opinion:

I don't care that much for Fuck Tony, I'm sorry. He's fine, I just-- don't really see the appeal of him. Maybe, just maybe, I'm too much into old men.

my canon OTP:

I...no? IDK!? Ali/Chan is cute, I guess and they're canon.

Non-canon OTP:

Adrian/Mark, which probably will never be actually canon and we'll keep getting ship baited.RIP. Good that I don't care about my ships being canon all that much.

most badass character:

???? IN SPACE FORCE????

pairing I am not a fan of:

I do not care for Ch*ntony. RIP. Not a NOTP but I just don't see it.

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Erin Naird. I understand where's she's coming from, but my god.... they really wrote it poorly.

favourite friendship:

Mark and Adrian in the canon lense I guess.

character I want to adopt or be adopted by:

Nope.

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you: + Malloraird

when of if I started shipping it.

When tumblr user sirjohnbrannox didn't shut up about it.

my thoughts:

It's cute, but my kinky hands will continue rubbing off on it.

What makes me happy about them:

Adrian being head over heels for a dense fool.

What makes me sad about them:

Nothing, cuz there's nothing sad in the show? Or at least nothing I am emotionally invested into enough to actually be upset about?

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Y'all really think Adrian is vanilla? Y'all really think Adrian is anything but a brat?

things I look for in fanfic:

I am interested in a plot, that has a build-up for these two. So...my fic, In Need, which I am still working on. Cuz I literally stopped after my life fell apart and I couldn't handle the daunting comments. Anyways as I was saying. In Need-- except make it good.

My kinks:

:)) I don't want to get shadowbanned but Adrian is not vanilla, let's just say.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Just keep Mark with his wife, I don't care. Adrian, anyone but Jerome. It was painful to witness Jerome. I'm sorry, but how do you write Adrian-- a fairly not too stereotypical gay man? And then write him to be with somebody like Jerome, which just comes off as "oh shit we need a character for this and we didn't establish anyone!"

Also-- Jerome/Adrian is, unfortunately, canon-- why does the wiki make it creepy and one-sided?!!?

My happily ever after for them:

Maggie gets out of prison, runs off with her guard lover (which I'm actually fairly certain will happen), and Mark slowly enters a relationship with Adrian which actually results in both of them widening their views on things and getting along.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you + Dr Adrian Mallory

How I feel about this character:

He's pretty cool. Fun.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

I literally only ship him with Mark, cuz Jerome gives me the worst vibes that make me actively partake in Jerome erasure.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

404 BrOTP not found.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

The man's a brat.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish he would have sung that song about Mark, and it would have actually been one side and nobody would have figured it out (so no photo kissing at the end) lmao cuz that'd -- now that'd be cursed and fun. >:3c

my het ship:

He's canonically gay so none. Unless season 2 decides to make him bisexual, this will continue.

my fem/slash ship:

Him with Mark.

my OTP:

Him and Mark. God, doing these memes is getting repetitve.

my OT3:

None.

my cross over ship:

Lmao none. I mean, c'mon I don't even like crossovers 99% of the time.

my kink:

:DD are you trying to get me shadowbanned, bud.

a head cannon fact:

I have none that I can share here, or at least none springing to mind... but can we all agree that people saying Adrian is a spy or he has intentions for Space Force's downfall, is so funny, because it's literally not that deep. He's just gay and in love with Mark, how much do the r*dditors gotta overthink the damn show? It's not even that good to overthink!

my gender bend:

NO, I don't like them.

&&

004 | send me 2 fandoms and I will give yo my crossover OTP + The New Pope/Space Force

None of these, I am not answering this, cuz this is the worst crossover ever conceived by man and I don't even like crossovers enough to begin with and my laptop is dying from heat--

....;

no? ok.

Imagine poor ol' Brannox meeting Adrian. Goodbye.

[starlight-and-seafire]

As a personal challenge to myself, and because I’m pretty fond of writing about these two dorks in love, I wanted to see if I could complete all the available Damerey Daily prompts.

And, as of a few hours ago, they are all complete (and one prompt got two fics because I had two different ideas, and one prompt I did twice because I forgot I did the first one. Oops.)

All together, it’s 19,719 words over 93 separate works. Thank you to everyone who read, hit that kudos button, and commented!

The full list with links to the drabbles or ficlets, all relatively short with a few exceptions, are available below!

(Anything with three *** at the end are rated M or E)

January

Unspin the laws

No, his smile isn’t much like a skeleton at all.

Um… I’m gonna need vodka in a water glass, with ice, and I’m gonna be ordering ‘water’ from you all night long so… one… ‘water,’ please.

I write mostly on hotel paper, knowing that my thoughts will never leave this room.

You are the best thing that’s ever been mine.

Say that you’ll hold me forever; say that the wind won’t change on us.

I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seemed to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?

What’s that? In the distance? Such a ghostly glow.

I know.

Anywhere you go, let me go too. Love me: that’s all I ask of you.

“That’s right! It was a twist!” “No, it was a lie. A lie is not a twist.”

Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on.

Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

There are so many lives I want to share with you. I will never be complete until… I do.

There will be boys who will tell you you’re beautiful, but only a few will see you.

Thinking that you can’t protect the ones you love, you have to hope they’re smart enough to save themselves.

Live with me and be my love.

Silence is a protective coating over pain.

He looked at you like you were the brightest planet in the galaxy.

And all the constellations shine down for us to see. Fic 1  / Fic 2

They are the hunters, we are the foxes (and we run). ***

It well may be that in a difficult hour… I might be driven to sell your love for peace… or trade the memory of this night for food… It may well be – I do not think I would.

And mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

As you wish.

I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.

“Sir? I’d like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off.” “Work, work, work!” ***

‘Cause we got the fire, and we’re burning one hell of a something.

Take this sinking boat and point it home.

Most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling, the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I’m with you.

So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause.

I did not make it out unscathed! I am extremely scathed!

February

And this all started as your standard ‘who would survive the zombie apocalypse’ debate.

Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

We sow our truth, wait patiently.

Sweet creature, had another talk about where it’s going wrong.

I know that a life without love is no life at all. ***

They’re fascinating. It’s like being inside a dream or something. There’s truth but no logic.

You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually checked out that snow globe museum that you recommended, and it was pretty awesome, I have to say. I mean, I did get in trouble for shaking one.

Is this horny crying?? ***

Do or do not, there is no try.

I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.

Just when I think I’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in. ***

When I was growing up I didn’t have a normal mom and dad or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I’m standing here today knowing that I have everything I’m ever going to need. You are my family.

Make the baby do the magic hand thing! C'mon, baby, do the magic hand thing!

I’ve been thinking. What if I decided to go flying around the galaxy with some scoundrel?

This bridge will only take you halfway there.

Great, I’d like your $8-est bottle of wine, please.

Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, That’s impossible.

I keep meeting all the right people–at all the wrong times.

I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you–especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame.

Never repent of your own goodness, child. To stay true in the face of evil is a feat of great strength. Fic 1 / Fic 2

He saved me in every way that a person can be saved.

I lost so much of the world’s beauty, as if I were watching every shining gift on its branch with one eye. Because I was hungry. Because I was waiting to eat, a self crawling about the world in search of small things.

She had fallen in love with him twice. She loved him now with both loves, so overpowering it was almost unbearable.

Make ten men feel like a hundred.

the long syntax of las montañas that lined his village, the rhyme of sol with his soul—

“You’ve got this. You could debate the entire Senate in your sleep.” “I have!” “I know you have. We share a bed. It’s been hell.”

[Kylo Ren], Good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?

I cannot make speeches. If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ***

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

March

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

It’s not about who you know. Enlightenment comes from within. [Luke Skywalker] texted me that.

This is not yours to fix alone. You act like you’re all alone out there in the world, but you’re not. You’re not alone.

“But what if you met the right man, who worshipped and adored you? Who’d do anything for you? Who’d be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?” “I’d pity him.”

“You Rebel scum!!” [Han]:“…Scum?”

I bet I’ll never appear in a dream or a summer dress or next door. Displaying on one hand my prowess, the other my difficultness, I bet there will be just enough pain to keep me alive, long enough for the moon to be mine.

“Hate that nickname. Addicted to lemon bars. I’m in!”

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

I will love you until there is no till. / Till I die.

“The first time we met we hated each other.” “You didn’t hate me, I hated you. And the second time we met, you didn’t even remember me.” “I did too, I remembered you. The third time we met, we became friends.” “We were friends for a long time.” “And then we weren’t.” “And then we fell in love.” “Three months later we got married.” “It only took three months.” “Twelve years and three months.”

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so that I never have to live a day without you.

Just as the whale, stuck in its baleen grin, climbs up out of the depths.

This is my boyfriend [Poe], and this is [Poe’s] boyfriend [NAME]. [Poe] is gay but he’s straight for me and he’s gay for [NAME] and [NAME] really gay for [Poe]. And I [love/]hate [NAME].

“I’m still mad at you, but I need to prioritize my hate right now. It goes [him/them/]her, cooked green peppers, and then back to you.”

She’s our friend, and she’s crazy!

If you’re ever lucky enough to find true love, you fight for it every day

Dying is easy, young man. Living is harder.“

“She’s at that age where she only has one thing on her mind.” “Boys?” “Homicide.”

Does [he/]she know that you told me you’d hold me until you died–and you’re still alive?

There is nothing more terrifying than the absoluteness of one who believes he’s right.

Our fates are sealed. But I think we have one move left: We can try.

The world is too quiet without you nearby.

“Why has the car stopped?” “It’s frightened.”

I am totally butt crazy in love with [Name]!!!

Any day spent with you is my favorite day. So, today is my new favorite day.

What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic, but it was also wrong.

But what was the point of living so quietly you made no noise at all? ***

I, myself, am strange and unusual.

We have no plan. No one’s coming to save us. So… I’m going to do it.

[bucksbisexual]

don’t take away my breath too soon

also on ao3

part 1 / 2 (coming soon)

Summary: Sarawat had to win this game, he was sure of it.

Words: 1948

Tags: #First Kiss, #inspired by a scene in whyru ep12 !, #the bet exists but they don’t really give a fuck about it, #basically i wrote ep8 the way the gays wanted it, #just kidding i cant write for a living, #confident gay tine, #me vs writing tine as anything other than a confident gay, #ep9 who? i only know success

"Well, how about this?" Fong started. "If you win, my friend will post the love confession to your friend," Man smirked, "but if your team loses, your friend has to leave my friend alone," Fong said. "Deal?"

Tine didn't know why this was happening, but he didn't like it.

Yes, he hadn't told his friends that Sarawat had already kissed him twice and they basically confessed to each other after not being able to stand being far from each other for three days, but, even then, they had no saying in his relationship with Sarawat. The same Sarawat that had only been looking at him ever since they got there and who Tine thought his eyes were telling him that no bet would stop him, not that Tine wanted him to.

"I think," Sarawat spoke, "your friend here is going to have to prepare a sweet love confession."

Tine wanted to punch his face, but instead, he shot a glance at Sarawat, sighed and left.

He'd deal with his friends later. For now, he had a pillow to scream at waiting back home.

-------

Almost a whole week had passed since then and Tine's friends mentioned their bet in almost all their conversations and, to be honest, Tine was nothing but tired of it.

They were going to Jae Tun's bar after finishing their last class and, of course, the bet was mentioned. His friends started talking about how good the Engineering football team was and how Political Science's football team had no chance against them and blah, blah, blah. Tine didn't care, he had heard this at least 25 times since he greeted them that same morning, and he was really fucking tired.

"Guys, I'm going to the bathroom. Don't wait for me, I'll catch up to you later," Tine announced, trying to get away from hearing the same arguments for the 26th time in less than 24 hours.

"Sure, do we order for you?" Peuk asked.

"No need," Tine smiled and left to the bathroom. Thankfully they weren't that far away from the university building so he could take his time before turning to the conversation he had heard for way too many times.

Tine started thinking, did the bet really matter? He knew that some stupid bet wouldn't stop Sarawat or would slow down his heart whenever Sarawat came too close to him. He wasn't ready to confess his love for Sarawat to the whole world and less when there were thousands of Sarawat fans that would pay for his head the moment he did. But, on the other hand, Tine was ready to tell Sarawat he liked him, because, yes, he did. It had taken him two kisses and some time, but he liked Sarawat. He liked his stupid perfect hair and his stupid collection of sandals he wore everywhere instead of normal shoes and his stupid flirting attempts than definitely did not make him blush every time and his stupid eyes that sparkled whenever he talked about music and his stupid lips, the ones he had dreamt about for weeks and had wished of tasting all of his life.

He was stupidly in love with Sarawat and since Tine didn't want to risk losing Sarawat over some dumb bet, he had to make sure he didn't lose.

As he got closer to the bathroom, he saw someone sitting on the floor grabbing his side in what looked like pain. Tine, worried, walked faster to see if the person was seriously injured, only for worry to completely wash over him.

"Wat?"

Tine heard a sniff and hurried over to where Sarawat was sitting, with a sweaty face and a drop of blood coming from his lip. The sight broke Tine's heart, who could do this to him?

"What happened?" Sarawat didn't respond and Tine gently touched his chin and made Sarawat look at him. Tine tried to find the answer in his eyes but Sarawat lowered down his head. Since it looked like there wouldn't be an answer any time soon, Tine decided to take Sarawat home so he could at least take care of his wounds somewhere safe.

"Can you get up? Does it hurt that much?" Tine put Sarawat's arm around his shoulder and tried lifting him up, only for Sarawat to kneel in pain and shake his head.

"It hurts," his voice was full of pain and Tine promised himself he would punch whoever did this to Sarawat.

"Let's try getting up slowly. We can test if you can walk and if not, I can take you home on my back," Sarawat looked at him like he was nuts.

"You realise I'll break your back if you do, right?"

"I do cheerleading, dumbass, I can easily carry you. You're not even heavy to begin with," Ever since he had started cheerleading, P'Fang's strict training had movitaved Tine to start working out and he had definitely stronger arms and legs than when he first started university a few months ago.

Sarawat didn't answer and instead tried getting up again. Tine lowered his arm to grab Sarawat's hip and without much effort got him on his feet.

"Try taking some steps. Don't worry, I got you," Tine's tone was so sweet his ears blushed a bit. Thankfully if Sarawat noticed, Tine didn't see any reactions.

"Don't wanna," Sarawat said cutely and, wait, was he pouting?

Tine couldn't believe him. Was he flirting with him when less than 5 minutes ago he was sitting all alone crying and in pain? He truly was in love with a dumbass.

"C'mon saraleo, just try. If you truly can't, I'll carry you home."

Sarawat pouted again and Tine's heart almost couldn't take it. How could he look cute even like this? This world was unfair.

Tine sighed. He had weaknesses and, according to his accelerating heart, this was one of them.

"Fine, I'll carry you." Tine moved the arm he had around Sarawat's hip and, lowering himself a bit, he turned his back to Sarawat.

Just as he expected, Sarawat was a light weight in his back. He seriously needed to eat more, Tine was worried that with everything going in the music club and his classes, Sarawat skipped meals and didn't eat enough.

They were probably halfway there when Tine's legs complained. Look, in his defense, he skipped a few leg days because he hated the stiffness from the day after. It eventually came back to him when his legs started hurting and he decided they should sit and rest for a few minutes until his legs didn't hurt as much.

Once they were both seated, Tine noticed he had tissues in his pocket and he washed off some of the blood in Sarawat's lip.

"Who did this to you?" Tine asked, hoping he'd finally get an answer. Sarawat looked away from Tine.

"The same group as before," as what?! "just because their girlfriends liked my IG posts." That's really stupid. "What a stupid reason."

Only Sarawat's soft voice made Tine control himself and not scream at Sarawat, "you've been hit before? How is it that I'm getting to know about this just now?"

"I didn't want you to worry," Sarawat looked into his eyes and Tine almost got hooked on them, had it not been for the blood coming out of his lip again.

He patted the tissue against the side of his lips, careful to not hurt him, "Who is worried about you? I'm just afraid you will die young, that's all. You have to tell me from now on whenever you have a problem. Get it?"

Sarawat looked down. "Got it."

Tine softly patted the tissue again.

"It's okay," Sarawat grabbed his hand, "you can stop."

Tine looked at their hands and then at Sarawat, only to find him looking at the tissue in his hand.

"It's not that bad," Sarawat took a deep breath.

And he rested his head on Tine's shoulder.

Tine's heart was not going to make it.

Oh my god, this boy is going to be the death of me.

"It's way better like this, the pain is gone," Tine truly hoped Sarawat couldn't hear his heartbeat from his shoulder as he hugged his arm because he would not survive the teasing.

"What's with you?" his voice was barely a murmur.

No answer came from Sarawat for a few seconds and then, he grabbed his boob.

What the fuck.

He couldn't even question what just happened before Sarawat answered him, "You just healed me."

"You're such a pervert," Sarawat just smiled at him and Tine couldn't even pretend he was mad or fight the smile in his lips, he looked too cute like that.

"Now I don't mind getting beaten up more often if it means I'll have you here to heal me."

Sarawat truly didn't have any empathy for Tine's heart.

"What if I get attacked when I leave my house tomorrow? Can you... sleep over at my place tonight?" Sarawat looked so innocent Tine almost accepted immediatly, but he remembered he didn't have any of his clothes or basic necessities with him and his friends were still waiting for him.

"I don't have anything with me, though."

"It's okay, you can wear my clothes." Tine wondered if sleeping in Sarawat's clothes and being surrounded by his scent would make him like him more. Probably yes. "You can even use my toothbrush, I don't care."

Tine sighed. He wasn't going to give up, wasn't he?

"Fine, I'll stay," Sarawat rested his head on his shoulder again with a big smile. "But I will go home to get my things, I don't want to use your disgusting toothbrush."

"Yes babe," Sarawat said in the cutest way possible and Tine's ears blushed.

"Dickhead," Sarawat chuckled and turned to look at Tine.

"Do you still have my football jersey?"

"Yeah, I'll give it back to you when I come back from-"

"No need, I have another one at home. But I do want you to wear it and cheer for me at the game, will you?" Sarawat's puppy eyes were too much for Tine and he forced himself to look away. He shouldn't look this cute with a bruise in his face. "If you come wearing my jersey and football shorts, I will have enough strength to beat Engineering."

Tine couldn't help but smile at Sarawat's expression. I'm so in love with this stupid boy. "Why do I need to do that, huh?"

The smile that flourished afterwards was one Tine hoped Sarawat didn't see.

"Let's get going, it's getting dark and I still need to go home to get my things," Tine put his hand on Sarawat's knee.

Sarawat looked between Tine's hand and his eyes, "I already told you you can use my things, I don't mind."

Tine rose up, "But I do, so get up or else I won't carry you home and you will have to go there in your miserable state."

"Carry me, pretty please?" Sarawat used that cute tone again from before and Tine damned not having thick skin because he felt his cheeks burning. He was sure Sarawat had seen his effect on him and avoided looking at his direction.

"Hm." Sarawat got up by himself and Tine lowered himself so Sarawat could get up. They didn't have that much of a height difference but Tine didn't want him to get hurt by jumping or whatever.

Thankfully, they got to Sarawat's home in one piece and Sarawat decided to shower as soon as he arrived, so Tine left him a post-it note saying he was going home to get everything he needed and left Sarawat's.

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

Air Force One: George & Dick

Featuring Fr. Pres. George W. Bush & Vice Pres. Dick Cheney

Back in the early 2000s, I was an aide working at the White House during the Bush administration, George W. Bush, or Bush 43 to distinguish him from his father, George H. W. Bush, who served as the 41st president of the United States from 1989 to 1993.. Over the first year of working I got to know more about him and thought he was a pretty cool guy for his age. I think he knows I am gay, but we never discuss private lives, I guess we have nothing much in common: he's married and a father of two, but from some remarks he dropped, I believe he hasn’t had sex with her. At the time, I wasn't going to get involved with guys from work, but at least I could enjoy the view.  

Another guy who I admirered from a distance was Vice President Dick Cheney. I was always a little intimidated of him, as his face was stern. Unlike President Bush, the Cheney rarely smiled, but he had a cock that just wouldn't stop. You could tell it was a huge one, because it flopped back and forth as he walked. Every day, I would stare and hide my erections.  

Anyway, in November of 2003, President Bush paid a surprise visit to Baghdad on Air Force One and I was one of the aides accompanying him on the trip. A few minutes into the trip, I was getting a cup of coffee when from behind Vice President Cheney asked, “Where are you from?" in an almost downright unfriendly tone.

“I’m original from Richmond, Virginia, but I moved to D. C. here from New York City.” I replied speaking fast as his presence made me nervous as I was so stricken by his fatherly looks.

I didn’t mean to glance down at his crotch, I just did it out of habit. The big bulge caught my attention immediately, but I force my eyes away and glance at the old man’s face but even as I did so, I realized that he had seen me looking down at his crotch. Suddenly he was looking at me differently. His eyes seemed to stare at me as thought he was looking at me through a magnifying glass.

“Come to the President's office in a couple of minutes.” He told me in a low voice as he leaned his head closer to me.

“Sure thing, Mr. Vice President.” I said as he walked back to the President's office.

I stayed at the coffee maker long enough to down two more cups before it was pass the timetable and I must admit to be more than a little nervous when I knocked on the President's office door. Vice President Cheney opened the door and said, “Come in."

“Hey, young man… You suck cock?” President Bush said bluntly as I approached his desk.  

And without waiting for me to answer, Vice President Cheney unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock. He pulled his hand and way from his dick and let it flop between his legs. His cut cock was one of the biggest and thickest I've ever seen resting against a set of huge balls.

“You want to suck my old pecker?” He asked, as I stood uncertain in front of him.

“Go ahead, why do you think I called you in here.” President Bush called out.

I glanced into the blue eyes of the President sitting at his desk, then knelt down in front of Vice President Cheney and grabbed dick in my hand. Then as I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes, I closed my mouth around the head of his dick and immediately he began fucking my mouth.

“Damn George, this kid is a born cocksucker.” He said he ran his hands through my hair, pumping his hips into my mouth. I almost choked on Vice President Cheney’s cock, but he kept thrusting it into my mouth.

“So he's much better than the other one we had the other day.” The President called back to Vice President Cheney.

“George, I wonder if he’s a better fuck than he was.” The Vice President as he pulled me off of his cock by the hair.

"Good show the President what a good cocksucker you are.”   Looking over to President Bush, he me a nod and a smile as I worked my way over to him and pulled down his zipper. Reaching inside his slacks, found his cock, pulled it out and gave it a look see. His cock was comparable to Vice President Cheney’s cock, only being thinner. It quickly grew to about 9" inches long and began leaking clear precum which I used to rub around his tip. Then I bent down and quickly began sucking his penis down into my throat. President Bush groaned like a bear as I sucked the head and slid my tongue under the foreskin to get a good taste of him. I started sucking his cock for a while and then tried to pull his balls out through the flap, but they were too big! I figured with his skinny cock he would have small balls, but not so!

After a while I pulled away and started stroking it, President Bush ran his thick fingers through my hair and urged me to get him lubed up, so I did. Suddenly felt Vice President Cheney reaching around me and unbuckling my belt. He jerked my slacks down and then my jockey shorts.

“Nice ass.” He added as he patted first one ass cheek and then the other.

President Bush tossed Vice President Cheney a tube of something, which he smeared all over his cock. I knew what was coming and wanted it bad as my asshole was twitching with anticipation of being penetrated by Vice President Cheney’s fat dick.

“Your gonna get the fuck of your life.” He said as smeared the jelly on my opening and slipped his finger in my ass.

“Shit he’s tight George, we might have to take our time with him.” The Vice President said from behind me.

“He doesn’t want us to go slow do you son?” President Bush pulled me off of his cock by the hair.

“No Mr. President!” I had time to gasp out before he shoved me back into his furry crotch.

Looking up at him, I deep throated his long cock, relishing the feel of his presidential dick as it slid down my throat until my mouth was pressed against the fly of his pants.

“Damn! That feels great.” W called out. “Dick he’s good.”

“Yea, well let see how good his ass can take my fat pecker.” Cheney called out from behind me as I suddenly felt the head of his thick dick pressing against my asshole.

I steadied myself on all fours, closed my eyes preparing for ‘the fuck of a lifetime’ and I wasn’t disappointed. Vice President Cheney slid his lubed cock up my ass in one quick motion as I let out a yelp of pain. After he had all 8" in me, he started thrusting back and forth, holding onto my hips. I could feel his thick shaft expanding my tunnel and throbbing. I groaned with pleasure, pulling my mouth off of President Bush’s cock as each thrust, send electric waves through my body.

“Oh no you don’t, slut!” President Bush said, grabbing me by the hair and shoving me back into his crotch.

“George, you won’t believe how hot his asshole his. I bet he’s been fucked a thousand times. Hell, my fat pecker slid in him faster than into a whore’s pussy.” Cheney said as he began to pull his cock out slowly and then drive it slowly back up my ass.  

With each thrust my cock began to grow some more, until I suddenly shot my load all over the floor beneath me. Dick's cock filled me up like no other cock I’d ever had inside of me before. I’d been fucked plenty of times, sometimes slowly, sometimes rough, but I’d never been fucked like this. The fact that President Bush had me by the hair and was ramming his shaft down my throat just made it better. I’d fantasized about having the two of them fucking me, but never dreamed it could be this good.

“Fuck it George, this kid is tight. Hope I don’t stretch him out too much for you.” He sneered, giving my ass a slap.

“Yeah baby, I love fucking a nice tight little ass like this.”

“Anything would be tight with that gigantic cock of yours Dick.” George smiled, letting me up for air for a few seconds.

“I love both of your cocks…” I sighed as Dick’s thrusts got even quicker and harder.

I could hear him moaning and groaning as I licked up and down President Bush's tool.

"Give it to him Dick. Fill that tight young ass with all that hot cum. C'mon grease it up for me! Fire away." George said as Dick began to really put it to me.  

The room was steaming and filled with the sounds of Dick's balls slamming against my ass, my cries of being fucked and George's groans of approval. It seem like he had been fucking me for about forty minutes or something when eventually he exploded inside me, causing me to cum again. I felt his cock throb time after time and I felt his cum seeping out my ass and onto the bed beneath me. He must have shot 10 or 12 huge spurts of cum in my ass before pulling out, make a wet pop sound as it left my popped cherry.  

George clapped Dick on the back as they quickly exchanged places. Before I could react, George had pressed his knob against my hole and in no time, had all 9" inches buried up my clenching hole. Between the jelly and Dick's massive load of cum, The President's cock slid easily in and out of my tight ass and I begged him to do it harder. It felt wonder as his long dick reached deeper inside my ass than Cheney's fat cock could get.

Just then, Dick slapped his cock in my face and I tongued it for all I was worth.

After 10 minutes of ass pounding ecstasy I knew I was going to cum again as George slowed his thrusts.  I couldn't take it and fired my third load in less than 2 hours onto the floor. It wasn't big, but I had a good pool of sperm going on beneath me as George resumed his assault on my ass and fucked me till I was dizzy. Soon he was mumbling incoherently, signaling that I was about to get a big load up my ass. George bellowed like a bull as his cock swelled inside my tunnel and he dropped his cum deposit deep in my ass. He collapsed on me as Vice President Cheney shot a second big load on my face.    

“What goes on here stays here! You say anything about what we did here to anyone and that will be your ass.” VP Cheney said as he glanced at me as though seeing me for the first time.

“I’m not going to say a word. I enjoyed it.”

[saintheartwing]

Invader Zim: The Pod People Invasion

"So…tell me again WHY my poor son is here?"

Professor Membrane was rather astounded that his son had been unceremoniously tossed into a straight jacket, gagged, and put in the school counselor's room. The black, scythe-haired scientist looked furious, despite nobody being able to see his eyes behind those large goggles he wore, and the fact his big white labcoat covered up his lower mouth. But his black-gloved fingers were clenching tightly onto his arm, his body practically vibrating with fury and rage as he glowered at the police who were in the whitish/grey room with him, the office of the school counselor, Mr. Thildari. The blind man had a soft face and white eyes, wearing glasses over those milky orbs as he wore a white button up shirt and white pants, and had a necklace with a lovely green orb-like gem at the end of it as he tilted his head to the side, the almost androgynous-looking man intrigued by what Professor Membrane had to say.

His son, Dib Membrane, was sitting in a chair nearby, in a straight-jacket and Mr. Thildari nodded at the police as they undid the straight-jacket. "I think it's unnecessary since his father's here at last. We apologize for the dreadful inconvenience." Mr. Thildari's soft yet dark voice remarked, his tone having almost a faint echoing undercurrent to it. "Please accept the school's humble apologies. Would you, perhaps, like to buy some chocolate? The school's having a promotion!"

He reached into his desk and pulled out big jars of chocolate-covered nuts. "How about it?" He inquired of Dib as they got him out of the straight-jacket and removed the ball gag and he dusted himself off. "You maybe got some…mad money to spend?"

"HA. HA. HA." Dib snorted as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose a bit and frowned, amber/golden eyes glowering at the school counselor, then at the cops. "This sucks, Dad. I got practically violated by these jerks!"

"Well you were ranting and raving about the end of the world in the middle of the school cafeteria for a good four minutes until we finally tased you." The first cop remarked.

"Because it's really happening!" Dib said. "Look, maybe I should just start from the beginning…" He sighed, pinching the space between his eyes and shaking his head back and forth. "It all started simply enough…" He murmured. "I'd forgotten my wallet yesterday on Sunday, and I had to race back into town. See, there was this really cool convention just the next town over, so I had to take a bus there only to realize…WOOPS. Forgot my wallet with my tickets in it. And the worst part was that because I only had enough change for the bus fare once, I had to walk back. And by the time I got back, that's when I realized something was really, really wrong with the town. I mean, everything seemed okay at first but…"

"You gotta help me!"

Torque Smacky had grabbed hold of Dibbun Membrane and was shaking the black-jacket-wearing, blue-undershirt-having young 12 year old about, looking mortified. The frazzled, spiky hair of Torque was even more messy, his big, ugly face looking horrified as he looked into Dib's eyes, his dad, lantern jaw and all, walking towards him.

"What the heck's wrong with you?" Dib asked. "I'm not doing your homework for you-"

"It's my dad, dude, he's not actually my dad! He's not!"

Dib stared at him. "…what?"

"He can't be! He hasn't spanked or smacked me once today!" Torque Smacky insisted.

"Oh, relaaaax, I'm sure your Dad will start smacking you around again soon enough." Dib remarked snidely. "Geez, Torque, you're angry that your family isn't hitting you? I call that finding a unicorn, do you know how many times Gaz hit me over the head during her "blue period"?"

"Thank you, sir." Torque's father said, taking hold of his son by the collar. "Come on, son, you must be…tired." He insisted, bringing him towards the screen door to his home nearby as Torque uselessly squirmed around, trying to break free.

"No, no, no! Please, believe me! Believe meeeeeee!" Torque cried out as he vanished into the house.

"Looking back, I…I can't believe how stupid I was not to see what was happening. I guess I was also in a bad mood, because I was missing the convention. AND I was starving too. So I went to get my wallet from my house. It was quiet, real quiet. Nobody seemed to be there, and there wasn't any food in the cupboard left over. So I decided "Okay, I'll get some snacks from the gas station, then head out and catch the last half of my convention". But then I met GIR, Zim's little robot friend, all disguised as a dog, and he'd finished up a Suckmunkey. He was sitting on the stoop and looking really depressed, and Zim was eating a candy bar…"

Indeed, the Irken alien invader, Zim, had distinctly green skin, no ears, no nose, ruby/maroon eyes hidden behind obvious contact lenses, and his black insectoid antenna was hidden by a black wig. He was still obviously wearing black gloves and boots and a maroon "invader's attire" that was a big ol shirt with long sleeves, dark grey pants, and he had clawed hands for God's sakes! And yet…hardly anyone seemed to realize he was an alien.

But even he seemed down.

"You guys look…really depressed."

"NONE of the filthy huuuuuman children will listen to me going into detail about my glorious new plans!" Zim remarked. "The whole town is…quiet! Lethargic! Slothful! Nobody cares about what Zim has to say!"

Dib sniggered as GIR sighed as well, the little green doggy suit he wore having its head a-drooping. "None of my friends'll play with me." He murmured. "Nobody wants to pet me. NOBODY LOVES MEEEEE!"

"Uh…gee, little alien robot, sorry…" Dib mumbled. Something was rather odd, he was beginning to pick up on that. But he'd learn the truth soon enough, because as he walked towards the bus station after getting some nachoes and a soda to sate himself, he saw, of all people, SKOODGE racing out of Zim's house, grabbing Dib!

"You gotta help me, Mr. Dib! PLEASE! Nobody else will listen to me!"

"Okay, alright, alright." Dib groaned, rolling his eyes as Skoodge led him to the backyard, past the guard-an-gnomes that Zim had, following the very tubby and rotund alien invader. Skoodge was dressed up in a better disguise, he had a holographic display that gave him a freckled face, orangish hair and the like…but he hadn't taken his Invader's garb off. Ah well. Skoodge was more agreeable, civil and just plain nicer than Zim. If he wasn't an alien invader, Dib would have probably gone along great with him-

"HOLY CRAP!"

Dib gazed down at what laid in the backyard, a gigantic pod, big, green, faintly pulsating and with Skoodge's head upon it!

"Wh-what is this?!" Dib asked. "It's an amazing likeness of you!"

"Yeah, I found it in the backyard along with this other pod that's just…lying here." Skoodge said, jabbing a thumb at another nearby pod. "No clue who it's for. It's not one of Zim's ideas, believe me…he'd be talking about it all morning if it was."

"I think I know what it is…" Dib realized, his eyes going wide. "Skoodge, this is a space pod! Part of a diabolical alien invasion force from deep space to replace all humanity as we sleep! There's only one thing to do!"

"Uh…call the cops? The FBI? The CIA? NASA? 60 Minutes, maybe?" Skoodge asked. "Or, I dunno, go to every house and set fire to all the backyards?"

"No! We'll look for a pod person and make them explain everything in a convoluted bit of expositionary dialogue!" Dib proclaimed, pointing upwards dramatically as Skoodge stared at him, scratching his head.

"Um…Dib, I don't think they're going to do that." He remarked.

"Skoodge, c'mon, if there's one thing aliens LOVE, it's bragging and talking about how amazing their plans for taking over worlds are." Dib told him, folding his arms over his chest as Skoodge opened his mouth to protest…then tilted his head to the side and nodded a bit, wagging his hand in the air in a kind of "Yeah, okay" sort of gesture.

So off we went. We asked people left and right if they were pod people. We didn't always get the answers we wanted. Didn't have a lot of good luck!

"Excuse me, are you a pod person?"

"A WHAT?!" Iggins asked. "What's THAT supposed to mean?! POD PERSON!? I'll have you know I'm proudly gay and there's nothing wrong with that! Pod person. POD PERSON…"

"Dude, you're being creepier than usual!" Zita proclaimed, glowering at the two. "I have mace. I am not afraid to use it."

"No, I'm black." Said the Letter M, the tight-crop black hair of the kid almost standing up on end in irritation as he frowned.

"Say, why are you called The Letter M anyway?"

"Well, it beats what my sister got named. The Letter F." M remarked with a sigh.

"…wait. You mean…" Dib trailed off. "…do your parents, by chance, work as scientists like MY dad?"

"Yes, and they changed their names when they got married and are now the Mr and Ms Sir and Madam no more, now they're the proud Mr. Husband and Mrs. Wife. They even named our dog the letter C. I wanted a cat. But they said it would make calling for their daughter too complicated."

"I am so, so sorry." Dib said apologetically. "I can't think of any worse name than being called the shorthand for Male."

"When I have a son, I'm going to name him SUE." Letter M insisted angrily. "Then I'll scatter my parents ashes over the toilet, and will scatter something else over that." He growled.

We learned a lot more about the people of this town than I think I wanted to...but not much about pod people. Finally, though, our persistence paid off.

"Why yes. Yes, I AM a pod person." Sara said cheerily, the faintly nun-dressed young girl sitting on a park bench and giving them a rather…unsettlingly fake smile. "And I'd be delighted to tell all of you about our people's invasion plans before I go alert my co-conspirators to your presence. You see, our space pods land on a planet, replacing all its people with emotionless replicas as they sleep. Then we grow more pods, spreading sterility and tranquility throughout the cosmos!"

"Really?" Dib remarked. "That's it? Kinda…simple."

"Well, yes! It's our first time doing this, so we're keeping the plan simple. Still, to be fair and further spread our mission, we also invented tofu, created EuroDisney, and Ben Stein. Oh, and Lily Collins. She's been one of us for years." Sara added.

"How about Tommy Wiseau from "The Room"?"

"Oh, no, no, no." Sara shook her head. "He's too weird for us. That's on you people. We're not going near him with a fifty foot pole. We may be emotionless, calm, collected alien invaders, but even we get weirded out by that guy."

"So you wanna get rid of all our emotions?! That's horrible! That sounds like you wanna turn the world into a bad Lifetime Channel movie or some kind of old home video you'd show kids in Sunday School!"

"I dunno, I think it's pretty nice being a pod."

"AAAAA!"

Dib gaped in horror at Skoodge, who now looked…off. His eyes were kind of distant. His face looking like it was miles away! And the pod he'd been carrying with them for proof…EMPTY!

"How the heck?!" Dib cried out.

"Yeah, turns out me carrying it around wasn't such a nice idea. Or at least, that's what I thought about…ten seconds ago. But now I "feel" fine. You should try it." Skoodge said as he took hold of Dib along with Sara, dragging Dib into a nearby convenience store, people standing listlessly about as the man behind the counter stared ahead.

"So. What would you like? We have water…water…and, ah, more water."

"I'd like a tepid water."

"Yes, tepid, please."

"Tepid would be very nice."

"Oh, and I must remind you all, we are having "Unemotional Hour" tonight from 10-11 at the bar across the street. Is that not just lovely?" The convenience store owner intoned in a deadpan voice as the others nodded in agreement.

"Here, to ease your transition in, human." Said Skoodge as he handed Dib something from a large pile of objects to the side as the other pod people nodded some more. "Your own space pod and introduction membership kit! All you need for a nice, simple, assimilation into never having problems ever again. Oh, and we also have this very lovely foam finger." He added with a nod as Dib looked over the "Pods #1" foam finger he'd been given. "We got the idea from a very lovely little dog."

"Uh, look, um….I kinda want my emotions." Dib insisted. "They're good for, y'know…improving the world. Caring about people? Protecting it from…well, alien invasions!?"

"Don't be silly, Dib. Emotions lead only to bad things. Like competition, jealousy, and hallmark cards. We're doing your world a favor!" Sara remarked. "You'll never have any worries or cares ever again. Become one of us just like Mark Zuckerburg did. He's far better off now."

"Mark Zuckerberg's one of you? Really?"

"Yeah,it took ages to be sure he was, even before our pod, the man was as soulless as a piece of toast!"

"So…I won't care about…say…my favorite TV show, Mysterious Mysteries?" Dib inquired.

"Nope. Not a bit."

"…what about…hunting down Zim?"

"He won't be caring about anything anymore, why should you?"

"…my family?" Dib asked.

"No, you won't care about them either. You won't even care that you don't care!"

"…BUH-BYE!" Dib said, kicking Skoodge in the foot. BOINK! He flopped over, Sara gaping as Dib took off running.

"Hey, stop him!"

"You stop him. I don't care if he escapes." Skoodge remarked as he laid on the floor.

"Yeah, doesn't bother me any." Said the convenience store owner as other pod people nodded along.

"But if we don't stop him he'll ruin all our plans!" Sara remarked.

"…oh, well that's different." Skoodge said, chasing after him with the others as they barrled out of the street after Dib, who tore down the sidewalk. "Please stop running. You have forgotten your pod."

"Ask me if I care!" Dib called back.

"You know, if I had any emotional capacity I would be very cross with you right now." Sara added as they jogged after Dib, who glared back at them slightly before diving into an alleyway, scrambling over a chain link fence. He bolted as fast as he could, barreling down the road, into his house, slamming the door shut, Zim sitting on the couch and shaking his head back and forth.

"I really don't get why you like this show." He told GIR and Gaz as they sat down on the couch next to him. "Oh, Dib-Stink. Yes, I'm in your house, GIR stupidly insisted we come over here to check on "Gazzy-Wazzy". They evidently were doing something upstairs for a long time and now they want me to watch the…what is it? Calm Monkey Show?"

"Calm Monkey!?" Dib stared at the screen, mouth agape as Gaz and GIR kept watching, staring ahead blankly.

"…hello." Said the brown-furred, slightly yellow-eyed monkey on the screen. "…what a nice day. Isn't it a fine day. Isn't it fine that we're feeling fine?"

"Yes. Yes, it's fine to feel fine, isn't it?" GIR asked Gaz.

"Oh, yes. We're both feeling fine. You know, I think the paint's drying on the back of the wall behind that monkey." Gaz added, the purple-haired Goth girl…not even having her eyebrows down so much over her eyes she looked like she was perpetually frowning. She had her eyes wide open and she…she wasn't even wearing her skull necklace!

"This is not a good show." Zim muttered.

"Maybe you'll like…say…some nice, relaxing music." Gaz said, changing the channel to a music station as Dib frowned, then yawned.

"UGH. Post Malone's "Psycho"?! This song is so dull, he's supposed to be talking about going insane but he sounds like he's on Quaaludes!"

"We could always switch to a nice C-SPAN discussion if you'd prefer, they're talking about bumper crops." GIR remarked.

"…oh no. OH NO. I know what you're trying to do. You want me to fall asleep so you can replace us with pods!" Dib gasped. "No way!" He proclaimed. "Zim, we have to get out of here now. GIR and my sister have evidently been replaced by pod people from outer space and if we don't leave, they'll put us to sleep and replace us too!"

"Oh, c'mon." Zim said with a snort. "I mean, just because Gaz and GIR are acting much more calm and rational and polite and courteous and civil doesn't…doesn't…"

BAM!

Zim and Dib barreled out the front door, Zim's disguise falling off his face as he howled in terror. "YOU WILL NEVER, EVER TELL ANYONE I ADMITTED YOU WERE RIGHT, DIB!"

"SHUT UP AND RUN, LOCUST!"

"You can't hide from us!" GIR cried out as he walked after them, smiling stupidly along with Gaz.

"Yes. Today, Philadelphia, tomorrow…a whole bunch of other places!"

"We have to find a place to hide. Somewhere. Anywhere!" Dib proclaimed as they barreled past people in the street, racing out of the city as fast as they could, off to the outskirts as the sky began to get darker, Zim wiping his brow. "C'mon, Zim, pick up the pace!"

"S-Sorry! I'm…I'm not used to…running around so much!" He moaned. "Zim's PAK legs usually do this for him but I had to put it on "DEBUG" for the day, nothing's working but the life support." He commented.

"You are soooo out of shape." Dib intoned as they reached the old mine, climbing inside, panting heavily, Dib wiping his brow as Zim flopped against the stony wall within, the soft echoing of a stalactite dripping water down into a cave pool not far away. DRIP…DRIP…DRIP.

"OOOF…" Zim moaned. "I wish I'd eaten more than a candy bar. I'm starving."

"I'm going to check to see if the coast is clear. Lemme look outside the back entrance." Dib told Zim, heading down the mine, going to the south entrance, using his smartphone's flashlight to light the way as he wiped his brow on his jacket arm. "Hoo…I'm getting tired too. Okay, once I know we're safe, we can take a little nap and then I'll gather my thoughts and think up a plan." He mused to himself as he finally reached the southern entrance to the mine about half an hour later. He peered out as the stars began to twinkle overhead, a soft wind blowing through his hair as he clung to the wall of the mine, peering out.

No sign of anyone or anything, save for a natural pathway leading out to the highway. Dib grinned, then headed back the way he'd come, calling out. "Zim! Zim, the coast is clear, let's get-OH NO!"

There, by Zim's side…was a pod!

"Yeah, uh, funny story. They had some spares here in the mine. Anyway, Zim is a pod now. It's pretty awesome." Zim intoned. "I think you should be a pod too." He added, holding up another pod. "One of us! C'mon."

"AAAACK!" Dib barreled back to the southern entrance, racing off as Zim called out, the pod people coming in through the north entrance.

"He's over here, this way! Human over here!"

Dib barreled down the highway, racing off for the school, looping to the west as he slid his way inside through a window. His chest felt like it was on fire as he made his way into a closet, panting heavily, wiping his brow and looking around. No pods anywhere. NOWHERE. Phew. He quickly began to move things around, barricading the door and finally, at long last, sitting down to rest and-

"Hey. This is my closet." Said an irritated-looking janitor with a bit of messy black hair atop his head and a dark look in his eyes, his body thin and emaciated as he poked his head out from behind a bucket. "I've got a busy day tomorrow of painting a wall red with blood to feed the demon that lies inside."

"Well I'm hiding from pod people who want to take away all our emotions!"

"…yeah, okay, fair enough. Just so you know? I snore." The janitor intoned, plopping back down behind the bucket.

And so, come the next morning as the kids were going into the cafeteria for a big announcement…that was when I barreled in, fully rested and probably still looking wild and crazed, waving my arms over my head as I got on top of a table, bouncing up and down, yelling loudly to all in the room about the oncoming alien invasion of pod people!

And about four minutes in, that's when the school's police guard came in to tase me.

…

…

…

… "So that's what happened." Dib explained.

"Only a moron could believe stuff like that!" said one of the cops as Mr. Thildari rubbed his chin.

"I'm very sorry, Dib. But without any kind of supporting evidence, well…the best you can do is let the media exploit you for a lucrative book and Netflix movie deal." The school counselor remarked just before Professor Membrane noticed something.

"Oh. One moment." He lifted open his chest, showing off a built-in smart TV, everyone looking on in awe as he cheerily chuckled. "We're getting a breaking news bulletin! I can always tell because I get a tingling in my colon."

"This just in! SPACE PODS HAVE INVADED EARTH!"

"And by the way!" a voice rang out as the rather homicidal-looking janitor brought in several big ol' green pods, tossing them into the room. "I found these in the damn bathrooms. How am I supposed to clean up all the blood if these pods are in the way!?"

"Oh, Dib! You a pod yet?" Zim inquired as he poked his head into the room with an unnatural smile as Gaz, GIR and Skoodge stood by him.

"HA! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! SEE?! SEEEE?!" Dib cried out. "You believe me now, you jaded authority figures, you?"

"I dunno…not really…" One of the cops remarked.

"Mmmm…gee, nah, I don't think so…" Another cop intoned.

"Actually, I do." Said Mr. Thildari as he smiled broadly…

And then, before their eyes, became an Irken with balled antennae dressed in a big white robe with a silver belt! He smiled cheerily at Dib, waving his clawed hands, white eyes blinking. "You see, we Irkens have actually been on Earth for many decades now. My own mother and originator, Almighty Tallest Miyuki, blessed be her name, came here aaaaages ago to do some experimentation with a VERY lovely black-haired young scientist who ended up charming her."

"Wait, WHAT?!" Professor Membrane's eyes bugged behind his goggles. "Though this explains a lot…" He confessed as Dib gaped in astonishment, the cops in the room, Zim, GIR, Gaz and Skoodge gasping in amazement. "She always felt very different down there whenever we-"

"BAH, we're not worried about you." One of the cops said as he took off his hat…then his head, revealing a distinctly green, scaly-skinned, tusk-having alien who was amazingly tall! "We Martians have been preparing too! We've been seeing all of your efforts for twenty decades and we're getting our hunting parties ready!"

"That'd be very impressive…" said another one of the cops before his skin melted off…showing off synthetic alloy beneath with soulless eyes as his arm opened up to reveal a carbine blaster that was revving up to fire. "But we robots have foreseen your attempt. I come from the future to end your reign before it begins! If need to, we will shoot you twice! We'll screw you over more than the new Terminator did to it's franchise!"

"Wait a minute, I thought we were only being invaded by pod people!" Dib remarked.

"You think that's what's going on? Not at all, man!" yelled Nick as the young man with the obvious head injury stuck his head into the room and walked inside, wearing…a kilt. They stared at him in shock as he sighed, folding his arms over his chest, the poor kid's brain exposed from horrifying experiments that Zim had done on him, the brain barely kept in by a kind of glassy little dome. "Giant blancmanges landed. They've turned half my class into Scotsmen so they can dominate the Olympic games this year because "everyone knows Scottish people are terrible at sports"! Bunch of prejudicial puddings!" He grumbled.

"You think that's bad?!" Ms. Bitters intoned as she crawled in from the window outside, panting heavily and wiping her brow, looking mortified, smoke slightly rising off her skeletal frame as the glasses-wearing old, white-haired crone cringed. "It's the apes you need to worry about. Apes have inherited the Earth!"

"Have we actually all died and gone to Hell? What's going on here?!" Dib groaned as he looked around the room, other people beginning to talk amongst themselves, the voices getting loud and panicked and terrified.

"No, no, it's all a twisted experiment!"

"It's the GOVERNMENT'S fault!"

"IT'S A COOKBOOK! IT'S A COOKBOOOOOK!"

"You stupid, STUPID morons!" A voice rang out as they all turned, suddenly seeing someone whom they never expected to see…Minimoose. The flying, purple little moose-like toy glowered at them all, speaking perfect English! "None of this is real! We're all just typed words on a page, stuck in a comedic horror story written by a New Englander! This is all just FANFICTION!"

Everyone stared at him…and then burst out laughing, hysterically cackling. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"WOOP! HA HA HA!"

"PFFFTTT!"

"HEE-HEE-HEE!"

"Oh, that's a good one. Fanfiction! Ha-ha-ha! That's the stupidest one yet!" Dib sniggered.

"Oh yeah?!" Minimoose glowered as his eyes narrowed. "Then how do you explain the fact that the next words out of your mouth are going to be "You're just being silly, Minimoose!"

"You're just being silly, Minimoose-" Zim began to say before he stopped, and everyone gazed at him, his expressionless face now looking terrified. "…wh…what?"

"And look! Look up THERE! See! The PAGE!" Minimoose proclaimed as he pointed up above, and everyone stared.

"Wh…what? H…How can I be up there when I'm speaking now?" Dib murmured fearfully as they all glanced around at each other.

"And there's MORE!" Minimoose proclaimed. "Haven't all of you felt it? That feeling you were being watched? Like the eyes of strange things are upon you?! Look! Reading this right now! YOU! Yes, YOU!"

"OH MY GOD!" Dib cried out as he saw you, the others gazing on in amazement and horror. "That…that means…"

"Then…then…" Professor Membrane murmured.

"AAAAAAAAAA!"

People were screaming, running left and right. The pod people howled in terror, folks were bolting out the door and the windows, and Dib, pale as a sheet, shook his head back and forth, looking up at you.

"Please, whatever you do! Don't stop reading! DON'T STOP READING THIS STORY! DON'T EXIT THE TAB! DON'T CLICK AWAY! DON'T! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"