#minette watches medici

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 23 (Lost Souls)

-So, this is the culmination of Lorenzo's villain arch. He's fully the bad guy now. And I... Didn't hate that. The writing around that wasn't terrible, although it also wasn't exactly awe-inspiring either. My main problem with this episode is in the other half of this episode's emotional core - Lorenzo and Clarice's health complications, because the writing around that was an unmitigated dumpster fire.

-To start with, let's talk about the historical Lorenzo's health. The thing is, he has suffered from an array of chronic health issues since he was a young man, at the time thought to have been the result of gout, though I've seen modern research dispute this; Wikipedia links a paper that claims Lorenzo de' Medici suffered from acromegaly and his death might's been a result of complications from that.

-Either way, you'll notice that the IRL version is actually better written than the show one. Not only does Lorenzo launch the house of Medici into unprecedented heights despite his chronic health issues (the Handicapped Badass trope and all that), but his premature death is properly foreshadowed instead of Lorenzo suddenly starting to limp, causing doctor to announce he is dying of... Gout? Yeah, that's another thing. Gout ISN'T A DEADLY DISSEASE. You can't die from gout, you just can't. Now, it does contribute to kidney diseasses that can actually kill you, and also is a result of a garbage lifestyle (bad diet, lack of excersise, that sort of thing) that can cause other, more lethal complications. But it never kills you on its own. Like, you could maybe justify some of the inaccuracy by "well, the renessaince doctor wouldn't know any of THAT", but this still leaves us with how sudden the deterioration of Lorenzo's health is in the show and how mild his symptoms are compared to real life. Neither of which is a good change, to be honest.

-But at least he doesn't just drop dead of completely unexplained reasons like his poor wife! Like, if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say Clarice died of a miscarriage, except she doesn't even bleed??? She just collapses, at first seemingly in tears of guilt, but not in physical pain... And then Lucrezia D is carrying her home? And in a few minutes (and seemingly a couple of hours at most in-universe) of screentime, she is just dead?! Did she died of broken heart or some shit?! Look, real Clarice died of tuberculosis, and I know in the show it would probably just sound like a rethread of Simonetta's death. I get that changing it to miscarriage makes a lot of sense considering that was indeed something potentially lethal back then, also Clarice had several in her life, so it's not a bad idea in principle. I also get that the writers were trying to tie Lorenzo's personal tragedy to his professional downfall. But in so doing, they rendered a powerful scene of Clarice being overwhelmed by guilt and despair over her husband's actions kinda silly by almost implying guilt and despair killed her?

-And don't get me wrong, it is a very powerful scene! I actually liked it a lot! Even the previous scene of Clarice learning Lorenzo sold their little girl to pope's failson isn't bad, especially since it retroactively gives more narrative weight to Lorenzo's previous disgust at another very young girl, Caterina Sforza, marrying a papal failson (well, failnephew, but you know).

-I am a bit miffed at the show's inconsistency around just how corrupt the renessaince papacy is. Like, at first, it doesn't seem nearly as bad as it is in The Borgias, but then Lorenzo apparently considers asking the pope to name his 14-year old son a cardinal perfectly normal, or at least nothing that a strategic match cannot fix??? It also begs the question why the fuck would the pope even agree to that considering he should still be mad about Sarzano, but okay.

-The one and only thing that I liked, nay, loved about Clarice's death... We got one last Clarice x Lucrezia D moment out of it! I know I shouldn't celebrate my girl dying, but like. Look at the pathetic little breadcrumbs they feed us shippers this season. I can't let my obsession starve to death, you know!

-I am not sure whether what Lorenzo did to poor Anna the beggar counts as bribery or gaslighting, but I guess the grey area was the point. Either way, I liked it! And I liked her giving money to Savonarola, overcome with guilt! See, I can be fair to this show, even if I am tired of it and can't wait for the final episode!

-I liked other things too, like Lorenzo going full villain mode and Piero grieving Tomasso. Even if Piero's actor... Look, Tewkesbury from Enola Holmes was 16, it's a bit more understandable if he doesn't hit every note. He isn't completely terrible in this, just... Not good.

-I only noticed in this episode that Savonarola is played by an Italian and dubbed. And I noticed, because the dub of his speech at the beginning, while passionate, clearly did not go as hard as the actor's expressions suggest he did in the original audio.

-Okay, that was exhausting. Onto the final episode!

[overworldstims]

Can I have some headcanon about Filia and Carol Painwheel? What are they up to in the City?

Filia Medici & Painwheel/Carol

They hang out a lot, like all the time

Best-friends-turned-girlfriends

Bother them on a date at your own peril, Samson will get very angry

They go out for milkshakes on weekends and watch the sunset together on most days

They are both finally getting some Trinity-damned therapy

Carol’s usually in her Filia-story-mode-ending look, but can switch to the Painwheel look if she needs to. She doesn’t like fighting though and tries to avoid it when she can

standard education isn’t really a thing in the Overworld since everyone comes to the Overworld already knowing everything they could learn from their stories. so instead there’s just optional classes you can take if there’s something you want to learn. Filia and Carol take classes together so they can have more reason to spend time together. Carol tends to do better in class so she helps Filia figure things out sometimes

Filia and Carol are taking a cooking class and a painting class together, and Filia is taking a martial arts course while Carol is taking band class. She’s learning to play the cello

Filia has a part-time job at Yu Wan’s restaurant, working with Minette. Samson hates having to wear a hairnet though

Carol doesn’t work anywhere yet, she wants to focus on her recovery first

They’re both living with the Lab 8 crew

[queen-parasoul]

Could you please write a story about how Irvin and Fortune would act in a civilian setting?

Irvin stirred his coffee. The Autumn breeze that occasionally swept past calmed his nerves even in the midday bustle of the café. Despite the gaps in his private eye work, this felt like the first time he’d been able to relax in a while.

However, seeing his companion eyeing the nearby jewelry store sent him a pinch of adrenaline. “Don’t you dare.”

“What?” Fortune waved away his concern. “I’m just keeping an eye out for trouble.”

“Trouble for me, maybe.”

She shrugged playfully, and both resumed enjoying their drinks and ambience. Eventually, she couldn’t help but speak up again.

“I wouldn’t get caught, though. Just putting that out there. I’m a cat above the rest.”

“I know.”

“A rare breed.”

“Yep.”

“A-”

“I get it.” Irvin kept his usual cool, but desperately needed a change in subject. “So what are you planning to do then?”

“I’ll probably check up on Minette and her sisters. Maybe take a cat nap later.“

“I mean in the long term. Now that it’s out that you’re still alive, your face is back on the police watch list. Where are you going to keep hiding?“

“Well…that’s the thing.” She tapped her cup with her claws. “Fur once, I want to get out of the shadows. See new things, meet new people. Make some new memories instead of stewing on the old ones. I’m just not sure how to do that without getting caught.”

Irvin pondered that. “What about leaving New Meridian altogether?”

“That’s not a bad idea. I’ll miss Mew-Wan and Minette and Innsmouth, but maybe a change of scenery is what I need after,” She vaguely gestured to herself and the skyline where Medici Tower once stood, “Y’know, all this.”

“I could use a vacation too. I’ve never really left the city myself, and I trust Ben and his team to take care of any Medici still crawling around, especially now that the Labs are officially recommissioned.”

“Do you trust him not to tell any of his bosses about us?”

“He hasn’t snitched so far. I know he won’t.”

As usual on the topic of Big Band, Irvin’s good word failed to convince her. “If you say so. Just in case, maybe we should go somewhere far away. Maybe the Dragon Empire.”

“Very funny.“ He gave that a second thought. “Although, I’ve never been. It’s seems like an interesting place.“

“Lots of good food too. Mew-Wan says it’s nice in the Fall, and he probably has some old friends who would lend us stay with them.“

“…We’re actually going now, aren’t we?“

“If you’re up for it. It’s better than a jail cell.“

He signaled a waiter for the check. “We’d have a lot of packing to do if we want to leave ASAP.”

“Sooo…shopping trip?”

“Guess so. Just remember: no purr-loining.”

She smirked. “I purr-omise. You’re starting to do it too.”

“Yeah.” Irvin smiled and downed the rest of his coffee. “I’m not sure if I hate myself for it yet.”

[dreadwhoop]

Skullgirls 5th Year Anniversary

Yep.

It's been 5 years. Before we launch into a personal open letter to Alex Ahad regarding the future of his, Mike Zaimont's, and Lab Zero Games' creation, a reminder of last year's post can be found here:

http://dreadwhoop.tumblr.com/post/142565814718/skullgirls-4th-year-anniversary

I also would like people to remember the https://twitter.com/IndivisibleRPG handle if you need to quickly keep up to date with their current project, Indivisible, slated for a 2018 release.

Okay Skullgirls 2/II talk. It has to happen at some point. I'd be remiss to be an expert on how to handle such a spectacular sequel however I do feel snippets of plot and choices for how to include characters should carry weight from the events of the first game. When we last left off, Marie was the current Skullgirl. It makes little sense to have her be the same one if the intentions will be to have the sequel be set 7 years after the events of the first game and why not? A sequel should feel like a true next step - Tekken 3 is one of my all time favorite games for many reasons not least because it decided to step ahead 19 years which is almost three times longer! Progression is key.

Valentine should be the next Skullgirl.

From a gameplay standpoint, having her and her Last Hope comrades fight together would be incredible. From a story standpoint it all comes down to tragic irony - Last Hope were a failed anti-Skullheart unit and Valentine was spared so she could be Marie and Double's subordinate in their plans to murder the Medicis, destroy the ASG labs, and lay waste to the Canopy Kingdom. To prevent anyone else suffering her fate, and to redeem her own actions from the first game, becoming the next Skullgirl would be the most canonically sensible choice - it is what happens in her story in the first game and leaves the remainder of said cast relatively untouched so they can be translated into the sequel without plotholes. Between the events of 1 and 2 would be a matter of debate so for now just assume Valentine went dormant for 7 years and during so several people go missing - you know like Tekken 3. This would also mean she'd be unplayable in the sequel however it is a sacrifice worth making. Sorry all you Valentine fans!

The next step then is to suggest how to structure the story in terms of playthroughs. We have to go bigger to get better. Generally speaking each story involves a pair of two characters - destined to work together - and a 3rd character who acts as their sub-boss before fighting Valentine who, once defeated, unlocks said sub-boss as a playable character. I'll go over each of the pairings and their sub-boss respectively:

Filia + Squigly are the most natural pairing - Samson and Leviathan have a deep history going back well before their host's time and were integral parts to the creation of the first game. The story writes itself - both are trying to find out answers to the origins of the Skullheart, why a Skullgirl must exist, and if a pure wish can be made. Eliza would of course have much tied to said story too, being she too has a parasite, a history, and was the fan's 1st choice for other DLC characters.

This team is comprised of the Cirque des Cartes story and focuses on the idea Cerebella has gone missing and it's up to an eager Feng and a reluctant Beatrix to uncover why. Originally I had contemplated keeping Cerebella as a mandatory character however as an unlock it gives more incentive to play on the 7 years timegap, her descent into the Medici underworld, and how Feng can redeem her friend whilst Beatrix can finally step out of her rival's shadow and be the star of said circus.

Peacock + Annie would be an odd couple at first though by now Peacock has become a formidable foe to finish the Skullheart once and for all - something Annie would love nothing more to see given her endless cycle of enduring said events. Together they'd be the best chance because neither would dare wish on it anyway and the dark overtones mixed with their cartoonish demeanor lends well to hi-jinx and comedy. Why is Isaac trying to stop them then? Well I don't want to spoil the mystery...

Ah poor Little Miss Renoir. I kinda feel like she should be the de-facto main focus of Skullgirls 2/II akin to how Filia was for 1 yet her popularity in the DLC voting was...underwhelming. A Top 16 placement was the best she could do?! Anyway the plot is simple - her older sister Parasoul is also missing (presumably Valentine has abducted her or something) and it means Umbrella is technically the reagent of the land. What's her first decree? Pull Panzerfaust out of inaction and make him explode your dicks. Don't forget the ice-cream!

Minette was one of those finalists who, despite the overwhelming popularity of her design, really doesn't translate into a fighter...what's she going to do - throw plates of fish sticks in your face? Fun times aside, why the hell is she paired with Mrs. Victoria? Because this is all a ruse - Yu-Wan and D. Violet are the actual pair - my idea is to unlock this pair you need to complete training and do a mini-game to unlock Mrs. Victoria and Minette and then, when you begin the story with them, input commands to have Mrs. Victoria transform into D. Violet and Minette get subbed out for Yu-Wan - in this fashion you then continue the story with the two fighters as they journey to rescue Nadia Fortune who Valentine no doubt also abducted.

The fallout from the ASG storyline is one which unfortunately makes Carol, aka Painwheel, always second peg to Peacock. Despite this she need a partner in the form of Leduc. I really like the pairing of Painwheel and Leduc, they definitely deserve plot, and the substance of said plot revolves around rescuing their missing members. I had to think about who would be the sub-boss to unlock and decided it might as well be Big Band over Hive or Ileum. Beyond this straightforward idea I just hope people care about these characters and not get lost in the shuffle.

Stanley and Black Dahlia? What the hell are you smoking Dreadwhoop?! Yeah I know it sounds like the crackiest of pairings so far yet hear me out - Stanley is an ASG scientist and Black Dahlia was an ASG experiment who defected to the Medicis - enemies of the people of Little Innsmouth of which Stanley's Dagonian heritage would oppose. See this is where things get interesting - both are part of an entirely different secret society designed to watch the various organizations and also plan such experiments like what if you could resurrect a former Skullgirl? Enter Marie. Dubious moralities aside, finding a reason to combine science, technology, and magic to bring Marie as a playable character would be sweet. She'd not have her Skullgirl powers however the fact we could play as her finally would be worth the reward - Kira Buckland deserves the best.

Venus + Aeon - the other natural pairing. Unlocking this team would require a little more legwork - namely either completing the game with all the above 7 teams first or by completing a playthrough on a much harder mode in which after defeating Valentine they'd appear as the true Final Bosses of the game. Venus + Aeon are of course architects of the Skullheart and manipulate from the background so to bring them to the forefront means effort and Double, their weird clone mum thing, would be even more insane given the increase of characters. I'd not be envious trying to balance these guys out yet they have to be playable in some capacity.

I have one more team in mind - Beowulf + Scythana. I feel these two would be a great pair, given their history on Gigans, I just don't know who would be their sub-boss/unlock. I guess you could include a Guest Character or a gimmick like Fukua or Robo-Fortune or even an entirely new character because I'm sure there's room for new ideas. Actually unlocking this pair requires some online play - playing enough games or winning enough games unlocks these guys. Would this be fair? Nope though these should be difficult characters to play on base so unlocking requires some measure of skill too.

So this is all I have for ideas going forward - take it or leave it. Have a great 2017 all!

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 20 (Innocents)

-Hey, look! Another (mostly) good episode! The Medici truly are at their best when they are more morally ambiguous. I did have some problems with this episode, once again because of Lorenzo, whose corruption arch wasn't very well handled, but much like Alicent in Hot D, many moments of that arch are good, even if the arch itself doesn't come together in a coherent manner, like at all.

-RIP LUCREZIA T, YOU WERE THE BEST FEMALE CHARACTER IN THIS FRANCHISE AND PROBABLY THE BEST CHARACTER PERIOD, YES EVEN BETTER THAN MY KING FERRANTE, FUCK YOU, FIGHT ME.

-Beyond my endless love for Lucrezia T, her final episode too was nothing to scoff at, like some moments were cliche (especially the Incurable Cough Of Death), but overall she got a great sendoff that cemented her as my absolute favourite. Her engaging in some light embezzlement because Lorenzo is just that bad with money? Fun, interesting character beat. Mentoring Clarice into becoming her successor? It's a bit surprising she didn't even try sooner, but still, pretty cool! Her being reminded of Giuliano when Giulio gets into fights? Amazing, no notes. Like that minisubplot was indeed very cheesy, but surprisingly emotionally effective. Hell, they did the "dying person deliriously running after someone and collapsing" AND "dying person sees a tragically fallen loved one as a some sort of psychopomp" - and I didn't roll my eyes once!

-Speaking of: I wish Giulio was just plain better developed, because there are interesting kernels of characterization here that I'd adore to see explored. Like for a show that loves to just plain spell shit out, Giulio's sword was such a great storytelling device - I mean, teenage Giulio gets so little screen time, but when he decides he maybe wants to become a priest? You absolutely get it. There are also some hints of him growing closer over the years to Giovanni at least, if not Piero, but again, not enough to really see it clearly.

-Lol, I recognized another child actor in this! First Adam from Good Omens as baby Lorenzo, now Tewkesbury from Enola Holmes as teenage Piero... I have no point to make here, I just think it's funny.

-Riario continues his uninterrupted streak of being a pathetic little thug that is only ever a threat because his uncle is the pope and he's... Let's be real here, only about as brutal as any IRL condotierro, but that's just enough capacity of violence to be a genuine menace. I also love his relationship with Caterina, like he knows what he has in her and clearly wants to be a wife guy so badly, but he's too much of thuggish manbaby to ever show affection towards anyone, even her. Like the same way Rüstem can never not be creepy, even when he means well, Riario can never not be an absolute douche.

-Speaking of pathetic little bitches - Lorenzo and pope competed for the title of Italy's Biggest Primadonna, and Lorenzo scored an unquestioned victory with his "I'd rather have innocent people slaughtered than apologize to you". Like, fuck dude, I know you technically didn't do anything wrong, but there are lives at stake! Swallow your pride, goddamnit! The worst part is, he then apologizes anyway - so that the head honchos at the conference pay attention to him, because he's afraid the pope might be getting a win with the whole conference taking place outside of Florence thing! BTW I am still not sure how Lorenzo being a center of attention for a hot minute erases pope's contributions to the conference, or really what those contributions are considering it doesn't even take place on his territory... Is he some kind of chairman here? I am so confused. The whole conference doesn't make any sense anyway, like is it supposed to have ended some particular war or whatever? Would it be that hard to throw in a few words about how, say, France and Venice were at war and now they and their allies are negotiating the peace terms?!

-Oh, I see Lorenzo didn't restore signoria after the peace as he promised! VERY interesting. Or it would be if I had any idea why the fuck is he doing something so blatantly terrible and against everything he professed to stand for even a couple of episodes ago. Is he afraid of what might happen to him and his family if he loses absolute power for even a second? Well, that would be interesting, if the show so much as hinted at it, but it doesn't, rendering the whole corruption arch a fucking joke.

-I do think that in a vacuum, Lorenzo letting all those people be massacred by Riario was pretty interesting both as a political move and a character beat. Like, even the characters were like "damn dude that's COLD". I don't love Bernardi once again being Lorenzo's shoulder devil, but at least the dude's characterization is consistent... And now the showrunners are teasing us with his backstory. Well, ladies and gentlemen, consider that bait swallowed! I truly can't wait for what they are going to do with it.

-Oh, look, a decent Lorenzo x Clarice scene! You know, once in a while these two remind me that they can be a good couple, and then go back to their old ways of being boring and devoid of chemistry. Honestly, making them join a polycule with Lucrezia D can only improve things.

-Oh, hey, Caterina is doing some cool shit this episode! Nice.

-...okay, I'll admit, that was one hell of a cliffhanger right at the end.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 18 (The Ten)

-*sigh* Do I have to? You know the drill. The writing is poor, there's too much exposition, Lorenzo is Gary Stu, the show worships the ground Medici family walks on, Riario is a villain with little nuance or charisma... Man. I am so tired of this show, you can't even imagine.

-First I'd like to note that there are a lot of things where I have to just nod along and be like "sounds legit", particularly when it comes to war tactics. I am not a military history person, what can I say. I absolutely do not understand that shit.

-Riario isn't exactly endearing himself to me. Oh, he thinks he's cute with his requests to turn over one's own dagger. Oh, he folds after one well articulated argument from his wife and possibly the sight of her not even that well showcased tits. Oh, he still acts aggressively towards her while admitting her arguments are valid because he's an insecure manbaby. Oh, instead of shanking Lorenzo en route to the country villa, he sends the assassins to said villa to massacre the whole family, because that's totally necessary. I remain unamused.

-On the other hand, I cherish every appearance from Caterina Sforza, not because she's that great of a character, but because the historical person was pretty dope and Rose Williams is insanely hot. I still hope she'll do at least something cool in the remaining episodes.

-The attack on the villa was laaame! Five minutes of cheap tension and action that makes an average Michael Bay flick look coherent. I am still baffled where the dudes that helped out Lorenzo came from and how many there actually were.

-Equally eyeroll-inducing is Bernardi, whose sole purpose seems to be acting as the bad angel on Lorenzo's shoulder. I mean, at least he has an interesting personality and the decency to be subtle in his relative villainy, but still. He steals some of the moral ambiguity from Lorenzo, and I for one think that's an unforgivable crime. I still don't know what to make of his crush on Lucrezia T, let's just wait and see where they are going with this...

-Speaking of Lucrezias - Lucrezia D came back... Only to ineffectually appeal to her husband (who apparently STILL has no idea she's been banging Lorenzo in the past?) and also inadvertently make Clarice jealous by, like, talking to Lorenzo. I am living off of scraps here, people. Doesn't help that Clarice isn't doing anything that interesting either, like yeah, her charitable activities are cool and all, but that's basically it as far as her character goes so far.

-Giulio leaves me kinda cold. I still don't get what this boy's deal is, other than him being sad and feeling like he doesn't belong. What I mean is that he's a character that has the potential to be interesting, but the show so far doesn't bother developing him. I do hope that we get more of him bonding with Carlo, though. That could be fun.

-Obligatory Leonardo da Vinci cameo! Yay! *deep sigh* Well, at least they portray him in a semi-interesting way and try to showcase his unconventional opinions. Still, this kind of cameo makes me greatly appreciate the complex characterization of Sandro Boticelli. Honestly, Sandro in general is slowly growing on me as a character, the whole "raised by the Medici" nonsense notwithstanding.

-Lorenzo's Ivan the Terrible gambit was admittedly pretty clever, even if it did reek of a man who just absolutely cannot stand that he's not getting his way, which again would be a nice character flaw if it was intentional, but it isn't, so again, fuck this godforsaken Gary Stu. I can't even properly enjoy how much he suffers in this episode, because so does the rest of his family, including my baby Clarice. For shame. And oh God not again the shit with "maintaining the republic"... *sigh* Okay, I ranted about that all the damn time in the previous Minette watches Medici instalments, let's move on.

-Bianca cameo! Yay! ...I would say if I gave a shit about Bianca, or if she did something interesting, but I don't and she doesn't, so. Her lame husband isn't anywhere to be seen, presumably because he's running around Middle Earth trying to fuck Morfydd Clarke.

-People, I really want to say something positive about this episode, but every one of my opinions that isn't outright hateful comes off kinda half-hearted. I am so, so sorry.

-The one thing I like so far was Savonarola's story, which is surprisingly nuanced and relatively well-written (even if the whole "keeping an infected man in my own apartments" thing is a bit dumb). Even if I am still a bit butthurt over the absence of Pico della Mirandolla. Again, where the fuck is humanism in this renaissance and humanism show?

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 16 (Mass)

- HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Screaming, crying, throwing up. This season was underwhelming af, but what a finish!

- There were a few stupid moments, of course. Giuliano’s death was way too prolonged, ideological conflict at the core of the Pazzi conspiracy made no fucking sense, the swordfight between Lorenzo and old Pazzi was completely unnecessary, and so on. But overall it stirred emotions in me that I haven’t felt for a long, long time, and honestly it ended as well as it could have given the bellow average season that preceded it. Apparently, the dude who wrote this only worked on these two final episodes, and judging from his output here he’s the best writer in the staff...

- I am still kinda shocked that they managed to wrangle some actual themes from this mess, like Lorenzo being a living saint before that almost helped to make the point after he goes full on Nemesis mode? And if they stuck with the self-perpetuating Pazzi-Medici family feud as the main source of conflict from the beginning and didn’t try to add any kind of ideological component into it with the whole “true republic” bollocks, it could work absolutely splendidly. The point about self-perpetuating feuds was also kneecapped by the fact that Francesco didn’t have a good reason to turn on Lorenzo, leaving me almost cold during their final confrontation. Well, almost, because “cold” isn’t really an option when one is confronted with Francesco’s tousseled hair and face artfully covered in blood and dirt... As for Lorenzo abandoning his principles and Pazzi achieving a small victory in seeing that, I actually kinda liked it? They didn’t emphasize it enough in my opinion... But maybe it will lead to something later? Like in the next season that said I am not going to watch???

- CLARICE MY ANGEL. I COULD CARE LESS FOR YOUR DUMBSHIT HUSBAND, BUT YOU... She kicked so much ass this episode, I fucking love her. And her and Lorenzo fending off attackers together, maybe Lorenzo x Clarice deserves rights actually? Fuck, I AM going to watch season 3, am I not? Curse you, final episodes, why do you have to be so good?!

- This episode also made me feel for Sandro of all people! Imagine, me caring about Sandro! The fuck??? This writing is truly something else...

- The moment when mob turned on the Pazzi and backed Lorenzo was kinda overdone, like I wish his popularity with the people was actually well-developed and wasn’t just taken as a reflection of the objective truth that he’s just that awesome... But like. It is historically accurate, mostly? Lorenzo did prevail over the conspirators thanks to his overwhelming popular support, which in turn did stem from the things mentioned by the mob (support of arts, economic prosperity of the city etc.). I adore the scene in concept, even if the actual writing was piss poor.

- I was a bit miffed at the rando employee of the Medici getting all of that spotlight, especially since I don’t remember him even being there before - I mean, he could’ve been, but either way he didn’t have a big enough role to justify him being that big of a part of the climax. Heck, even the relationship of the Medici family to their subordinates in general wasn’t a big part of this season, so Nori’s death didn’t work for me at all. But, credit where credit is due, he is based on a real guy that really died defending Lorenzo from the assassins, so kudos to the writers for that!

- Another testament to the quality of the writing on display? I gave a shit about Gugliermo and Bianca! Their conflict first with each other and then with Lorenzo was short, but did kinda slap. The exile was kind of a non-resolution to their story, I guess if I am watching season 3 anyway, might as well find out what happened to them afterwards.

- To think a lot of this was indirectly caused by good old Ugo shanking his asshat boss fucking sent me. Though I guess the Pazzi really did shank Lorenzo, brother of Cosimo? Dunno, don’t remember who killed the older Lorenzo and at this point I am way too lazy to look it up.

- Overall a 4/10 season, would’ve been 3/10 without those final episodes. I most definitely do not recommend it, like there’s just way too much stupid for that, your life is short and with so many better period dramas out there, you’d just be wasting your time. That said, if you’ve watched season 1 and want to finish the series, I guess it’s not completely unbearable. Now, if you excuse me, I’ll be in my room writing the filthiest, sappiest, most self-indulgent Clarice x Lucrezia D fanfic you can imagine...

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 15 (Betrayal)

- This is probably going to be a short one, because I don’t have much to complain about this episode? Like, the whole thing is questionable from the historical perspective and has a lot of problems carried over from the previous episodes, but overall the buildup to the Pazzi plot kinda slaps? Who knows, maybe I’ll fill this one with compliments instead.

- First off, one thing I forgot to mention in the previous entry: the decision to tie Galeazzo’s murder to the Pazzi conspiracy. And I mean, those two things were related, in that they were both attempts to remove an autocratic ruler and reinstate the old semi-oligarchical order, but they weren’t literally perpetuated by the same people. With that said, as far as deviations from history go, this is one of the better ones, because it fits very well into the main plot. Like, if they are going to disregard the history completely, they might as well give us something this good.

- Look, I hate to say this, because she was a great gal and shit, but... They should’ve killed Simonetta sooner. I don’t hate some of the things they were trying to do with Giuliano here, like him being distracted by women, wine and general fucking around, untill he falls in love with a girl who inspires him to take his responsibilities more seriously even after she dies. But like... The whole thing was too little too late. Instead we spend most of Simonetta and Giuliano’s time together with their dumb courtship and even dumber drama with her husband and Sandro.

- Also, the whole “Sandro loves her as an object of artistic adoration, while Giuliano loves her as an actual person” would be a great angle to take if it wasn’t for the fact that a) again, too little too late; b) if Giuliano really loved or at least respected her as an actual person, he would’ve left her alone at the first “get lost” and none of this drama would happen. These two had no fucking chemistry, but honestly that’s to be expected, I’ve yet to see a tsundere girl x presumptuous fuckboy pairing that isn’t pure trash. This is the kind of couple that gives enemies to lovers trope a bad name.

- Another thing that was too little too late? The whole thing with Giuliano finding his place as the hard first of the bank, while Lorenzo is the brain and friendly face. I don’t love either of them as characters, but they have a solid dynamic this show refuses to play on for some reason.

- Also let me clown a little on the whitewashing of Sixtus IV., like, I get that The Borgias did the whole “morally ambiguous pope” thing sooner and better, but come the fuck on. Also was his cardinal nephew supposed to be part of the conspiracy, because IRL he very much was...

- Whitewashing of the Medici family is bearing some really nasty fruits here in the form of tragic flattening of the Pazzi conspiracy. Like, where are my liberatores vibes? The Caesar references?! Halooo??? THIS SHIT COULD’VE BEEN SO POIGNANT ASFJG...

- The flashback was... Eh? Contessina’s death had me rolling my eyes, which - you know you’ve fucked up when a best girl is literally dying and my reacting is a fucking eyeroll. At the same time, we finally got some glimpses of an alternate timeline where Francesco de’ Pazzi had a decent characterization. His pride, his penchant for violence, his contentious relationship with his uncle... This dude could’ve been so interesting with some better writing! As it is, my interest in him as a character lives off of scraps and his mighty cheekbones. Ugh.

- But, I cannot emphasize this enough, despite all of my minor complaints, this was a fucking great episode! The plot was well-thought out, fast paced, the chase at the beginning kicked ass, the twists and turns of the plot were exciting, yet made perfect sense, and Carlo, oh my poor sweet Carlo, my heart goes out to you... Also my girls Clarice and Mamma Lucrezia, god how I love them. Like, so much for my conviction that I’ll end this show without any new blorbos. It’s just that I am better at complaining than praising, sorry about that.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 13 (Ties That Bind)

- Eating my words about this show getting better with a heaping dose of bologna sauce (sorry, I don’t know any Tuscan foods). At this rate, I am definitely not watching season 3.

- You know, for a show that hinges so much of its plot on renessaince accounting and record keeping, Medici: The Magnificent is remarkably bad at explaining renessaince accounting and record keeping... Like at this point I just have to roll with anything that the writing throws at me on this subject. The Pazzi bank owes the Medici, and they can collect said debt at any time? Sure, why not. The Medici bank controls the price of alum? Sounds fake, but whatever. Pope can just transfer his account to the Pazzi bank like that? I guess so. This shit’s gotta wait for people more knowledgeable of renessaince economics to debunk. I am just here for the characters and their drama, which... Well...

- Gotta say, of all the things to get right, I did not expect Galeazzo Sforza being a massive dick to be one them. I mean, he was a condottiero, these guys usually weren’t known for their kindness, humility or deft diplomatic touch. Though the whole “your daughter is a child bride???” thing was kinda hillarious when you remember Lorenzo’s sister Lucrezia was married off at 13 (she did actually start living with her husband at 18, but still).

- Speaking of, I actually liked Salviati’s little bluff towards Galeazzo. The man is a villain as cartoonish as old Pazzi, but you can’t deny he’s one clever bastard.

- Old Pazzi and his scheming to get Francesco back on his side actually wasn’t that bad, either, untill something that should at best slowly sow seeds of doubt in his mind made him turn on both Lorenzo and his beloved wife wholesale. And it was such an easy fix, too - just make Francesco already conflicted about Lorenzo’s attempts to undermine the Pazzi bank! Like, Francesco’s father wanted to bury the hatchet with the Medici, and now they are destroying his life’s work, even if it is for understandable reasons (that is, his shitty uncle was trying to destroy them first). His uncle’s manipulations would only feed his already existing doubts about cooperating with Lorenzo, so even if he didn’t believe old Pazzi (because why should he?!) Francesco would still end up turning on his friend. In fact, why not add his dissappointment from not getting Imola to the mix? We could have so much juicy drama stem from this, if only the writers could be a little clever about it! But no, that would risk making Lorenzo look bad, even if only from a certain point of view, and we can’t have that, so now we’re on a fast train to Misunderstandingland, my least favourite plot destination.

- Did I mention Lorenzo is a raging Gary Stu? Because he is. His speech about “true republic” at the start of the episode almost made me quit the show altogether. I wanted to get trough this part with a vodka bottle in hand, but I suspect there’s not enough alcohol on our good green mother Earth to dull my pain.

- Other subplots aren’t any better. Lorenzo’s relationship with Clarice is proving to be lamer by the minute, and Gugliermo with Bianca are sitting on their asses in the Medici mansion this whole time, apparently. The show threatens me by relationship development between Lorenzo and Giuliano when it shows Lorenzo’s frustration with that shitty aimless fratbro, but that fizzles out when he immediately turns to Francesco as a substitute brother. Francesco, who immediately betrays him for no fucking reason, except for the fact that Lorenzo apparently didn’t explain to him Novella was promised to Giuliano first.

- It was admittedly pretty funny to see Simonetta express frustration with the fact that Giuliano is, in fact, a shitty aimless fratbro, even if it didn’t really go anywhere. But then her husband starts suspecting Sandro of an affair with Simonetta, because... He used her as a model in a bunch of paintings the dude didn’t comission, I guess? Truly, noone in this show is safe from the effects of microdosing on stupid pills. On the other hand, it could lead to Giuliano and Simonetta breaking up, so that might not be so bad, aye?

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 12 (Blood With Blood)

- I see the titles aren’t getting better... Then again, appropriate considering it’s an unofficial Twilight crossover. Yes, I know Volterra is a real city that just happened to be used by Stephenie Meyer as a seat of dark!Aziraphale and his possey. No, this does not ruin my unhinged headcannons in the slightest.

- The main plot of this episode was... A lot. For starters, rejoice, people, Lorenzo de’ Medici finally lost! Granted, it was because he is such a good boy who wouldn’t hurt a fly, but oh well. For real tho, Lorenzo’s actions having realistic (and tragic) consequences was pretty compelling. I completely understand Clarice’s need to give him a reassurance, however weak, and a hug. Hell, by the end of the episode, I wanted to give him a hug! Which is really saying something considering how little sympathy I felt for him before.

- On the other hand, the fact that Lorenzo is such a good boy who wouldn’t hurt a fly kinda makes his friendship with a violent thug like Francesco de’ Pazzi more confusing. Or vice versa, for that matter. Really, Francesco’s turn to the Medici side is justified not at all, and the stupid flashback whose only purpose seems to be to point at old Pazzi and go “look at this asshole, don’t you just hate him so much?” absolutely doesn’t help. Honestly if anything, it makes me hate the writers, not the old Pazzi. This douche really is what I was affraid Albizzi would end up being.

- On the OTHER other hand, however contrived the reasoning behind it was, I still liked to actually see them work together. Why, yes, Italian Ao3, they are pretty shippable. Man, can you believe this mess is the best subplot in this episode?!

- Francesco’s romance with Novella is nice in theory, but the little time alotted to it and Novella’s piss-poor acting kinda ruin in. Again, can you believe this mess is the best romantic subplot in this episode?! Well, that and me x Bianca’s wedding dress.

- Clarice/Lorenzo/Lucrezia D love triangle absolutely does not live up to its potential here, aside from Clarice’s Jolene moment, which I do appreciate, because I am fair like that. And maybe I am foolish, but I still want it to continue somehow, if for no other reason, then because I sincerely hope the writers do not expect us to believe Clarice’s limp comforting of Lorenzo was enough to turn him away from Lucrezia D.

- Giuliano officially earns the medal of the worst boy of this show, because what the fuck was that subplot?! Again, tsundere girl x presumptuous fuckboy is truly the inferior trope, and Giuliano truly is the worst of the fuckboys. Like, of course he had to undress in front of Simonetta for her to feel anything but disdain; like, there is just absolutely nothing good about this dude except his abs! Even then, he in turn doesn’t have Francesco’s cheekbones. Novella truly dodged a bullet here. Human mind cannot comprehend why would Simonetta feel literally anything when confronted with the possibility of Giuliano’s death, other than “huh, a waste of good abs”. Which could work as a motivation to fuck him after he comes from the battle, but I somehow doubt that’s what the writers had in mind.

- For what its worth, I appreciated the relatively realistic image of Early Modern warfare. Even the whole thing where the Florentine commander ordered an attack on a walled city because siege lasting a FEW DAYS would be too long for him could be explained by the dude being on Pazzi’s payroll or something.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 11 (Obstacles And Opportunities)

- Look, I don’t mind episodes of this show having basic ass titles, but this one is... Just far bellow basic, if you know what I mean.

- A small, but still embarassing correction - there’s no Lucrezia M in this show so far, that was the other sister of Lorenzo the Magnificent, that was married off very young, which is presumably why she’s not in the show. Fahriye-sultan-but-lame is named Bianca.

- My suspicions about Lorenzo being the bestest, smartest, specialest little boy in the writers’ eyes were unfortunately not disproven in the slightest. For Lorenzo, nothing is a problem, he never makes big mistakes and has no major flaws. Like, his Gary Stu status becomes obvious trough comparison to Cosimo, who was allowed to make much bigger mistakes and lose much more badly, making for a more compelling character. And while there were hints of the Medici maintaining the moral high ground over their opponents, this season amps this up to a truly ridiculous degree. I mean, “making Florence a true republic” is an interesting way of putting “becoming a populist autocrat akin to Julius Caesar”.

- That said, I don’t hate the love triangle so far. Clarice and Lorenzo still have nothing in common and don’t even really know each other, but Lucrezia D’s “I feel protective of her” gives me hope for a decent polycule, in my delusional headcanons if not in practice. The instant consummation of their marriage made me rise my eyebrows, especially after Lorenzo passed the opportunity to be a gentleman (yes, in a somewhat anachronistic way, but still less absurd than the Bianca subplot - see bellow). Then again, he IS riddiculously attractive, enough to drive even a repressed renessaince virgin who probably barely knows what sex is mad with lust, so I’ll allow it. Still, the chemistry between Lorenzo and his new bride is still very much not there.

- Speaking of shitty romantic subplots! It really doesn’t help my enjoyment of the show that hurrempilled ever so graciously reminded me of the existence of Bali/Armin “romance”. Tsundere girl x presumptuous fuckboy is truly the worst romance trope in existence, which may be why Giuliano went in this episode from mildly to severely annoying. Poor Simonetta also has two other options, apparently - an equally presumptuous simp and her older, but reasonably attractive and only a little bit douchey (not nearly comparable to Giuliano, I’ll tell you that) husband. My money is on the husband.

- The Bianca subplot finally got interesting, but only at the price of becoming a thousand times stupider. Okay, them realizing there’s no way their families will reconcile anytime soon and eloping was stupid in an understandable way. Their reactions, though... First off, even if Lorenzo was eventually able to forgive Bianca and didn’t force her to join the monastery ASAP, he would be much more pissed off than that. There is no goddamn reason for old Pazzi to be angrier at his nephew than Lorenzo at Bianca - and don’t give me that “Gugliermo’s honor was threatened too”, because IT WASN’T. Of course it would be much worse and more embarassing for Bianca and her family! She’s a woman! Promised to another man and still supposed to be a virgin! Lorenzo should be negotiating with old Pazzi with tail between his legs, but I guess we couldn’t do that to our precious golden boy, so the show doesn’t make it entirely clear just how big of a leverage old Pazzi has over his family.

- Well, at least he’s forced to make some real concessions, like give up his leverage over old Pazzi, which is to say blocking Salviati from Pisa. But that’s still kinda dumb, because it’s not made clear how can Lorenzo boss the Pisans around, to the point they would close the gates to their own archbishop for him. Like, the real Lorenzo could presumably count on having, like, some high-ranking magistrates there being in debt to his bank, but the show doesn’t bother explaining it. The fact that politics in Rome are simplified to the point of farce is also a bit stupid, like, it’s almost as if there were sum total of three cardinals including Salviati in the entire city of Rome, plus one priest of unspecified rank i.e. uncle Carlo.

- I sincerely hope Lorenzo giving up all gains from the deal with Milan to Bianca’s spurned groom will have some major consequences down the line for the Medici bank, or so help me God... Like, at this point they extended Galeazzo’s loan and got fuck all out of it in the long run, this should be a major hit for the bank!

- And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the subtle foreshadowing that Galeazzo is untrustworthy, because that was truly an eyeroll worthy of Shadow And Bone season 2. Again, I hope this will come back later when Lorenzo will consider turning on Galeazzo somehow, but I am not getting my hopes up on the show being that smart. I mean, Giuliano knowing about Bianca and Gugliermo’s whole deal also didn’t go anywhere. Like, c’mon, people, have some imagination! Magnificent Century would milk the shit out this stuff!

- The crowning moment of stupid in this episode was Francesco de’ Pazzi turning on his uncle, because... He turned on Gugliermo for the whole marriage to Bianca?! Which, fine, Francesco siding with his brother over his uncle is whatever, but to side with the MEDICI for this?! I call incredible bullshit on that.

- This was just straight up not a great episode. It had its moments, but overall the amount of stupid stuff on display in this one lets down the entire show.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 10 (Standing Alone)

- I know it’s unbelievable, but I skipped the intro. Yeah. The whole “Renassaince, but not quite” thing pisses me off so much I skipped the fucking intro to Medici.

- I only noticed it now, but Lucrezia de’ Medici dresses so much worse than all the other women in the show, it’s kind of amazing how shitty her dresses are. They won’t get better, apparently, at least if awkward-sultana’s gifs are anything to go by.

- Her subplot continues to be boring, and I call bullshit on her slapping Lorenzo for arranging her marriage to that uncharismatic rando (although honestly the guy she’s in love with has just as much charisma, if not somehow less). She’s a wealthy unmarried woman from 15th century Italy, still under custody of her father and older brother. She certainly wouldn’t get her hopes up about marrying whomever she wants, much less a guy whose family is feuding with hers, and even if she would get mad at Lorenzo for arranging a marriage for her, she wouldn’t slap him!

- Now, Clarice having the option to join the convent despite the wishes of her family I can see - it’s much more likely that a girl from noble family would be just forced to marry regardless of what she wants, but if the match isn’t absolutely crucial, it’s not out of the question her family would allow it. I suspect that cardinal Orsini can’t be that invested in the alliance with the Medici if he isn’t trying to persuade her himself and leaves it to Lucrezia Tornabuoni and Carlo de’ Medici.

- Damn, this season has too many Lucrezias. Anyway, I’m gonna call them Lucrezia T (mama Medici), Lucrezia M (her daughter) and Lucrezia D (Lorenzo’s girlfriend, we’ll get to her) from now on.

- Anyway, speaking of Carlo! Rejoice, people, Maddalena’s kid is back! And he is still in touch with his family, how nice! His friendship with Clarice is pretty wholesome, I hope we see more of them, even if he did manipulate her into marrying his nephew who doesn’t mean a good match to her and already has a girlfriend. Also, Lorenzo’s flirting skills are hilariously bad, like, in general, the guy seems to lose about fifty IQ points when he’s talking to a hot chick. “I like everything” had me in stitches.

- Is it wrong that I am super invested in this love triangle? I mean, I like Lorenzo, and both of his options are actually pretty compelling. Lucrezia D is charismatic as hell, and Clarice pretty damn likeable - honestly too likeable to have her heart broken by Lorenzo cheating, but that’s renassaince men for ya. Also, Lucrezia D’s worries that he’ll fall in love with his wife, or possibly her not wanting to sleep with a married man... Either way, she’s so real for that. At the same time, I can’t wait for the Clarice x Lorenzo, arranged marriage to lovers, 30k, slow burn etc. My only worry is that Lorenzo will act like a complete fuckboy throughout this arch, like Cosimo was pretty douchey in this regard too.

- I call absolute bullshit on Carlo’s Medici exceptionalism, let alone Clarice believing it. I did let Lorenzo being the smartest, prettiest, nicest, specialest little boy of this show slide for way too long, it really took me Carlo’s speech to see the absolute Gary Stu vibes this guy is giving off. Still, I like Lorenzo enough to let it slide, but you’re on thin fucking ice, show.

- That said, his conflict with old Piero was just as compelling this episode as I expected. At the same time, the fact that his death hit at the end of this episode’s triumphant finish (in the immortal words of Geoff from Mother’s Basement) like a loss.jpeg in the middle of a webcomic binge, made me Not Amused again.

- I would say I don’t care about Sandro, Giuliano and whatever bullshit the show has in store for them and Simonetta Vespucci, but honestly, I am way too bi for that. The guys are simping for her from the moment they see her, and for once I get it. My sole investment in this nonsense comes from wanting to see Mathilda Lutz and her angelic face (also possibly tits).

- The tourney was sooo much lamer than I expected. Pazzi’s murder plan wasn’t the worst, but the fact that the Medici learned of it AND Lorenzo then won the tourney... Yeah, this whole thing left me cold. Error 404 narrative tension not found. And just when did Francesco get morals??? The only good part was Giuliano’s 1-800-Bitch-You-Thought moment with the boring Pazzi brother. Because I am messy bitch that lives for drama like that.

- The best part of this episode was Lucrezia T being awesome. Mama Medici is my favourite character, I love this bitch so much you can’t even imagine. In fact, all female characters in this show so far rule, except for Lucrezia M.

- I haven’t read the books, but if the impression I get from the Darkling appologist fam is correct, Matteo Martari, a.k.a. Francesco de’ Pazzi has serious book!Darkling energy.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 24 (The Fate of the City)

-I am doing this because I am a completionist, but like. Guys, I'm gonna level with you. This finale might've broken me. (No, my broken state has no relation to the horrible truth that has recently surfaced about my favourite author of all time, whyever would you ask?)

-First things first - the central conceit of this episode is an attempt at Savonarola's life. Which is an idea so monumentally stupid it made me instantly check out of this episode. Like, even Lorenzo realizes that he's going to make a martyr out of him, to which Guido's only reply is "well, they don't know for CERTAIN so they will hesitate and that will give you time to crush dissent, or something". Because if the angry mob (and killing their favourite preacher right in front of them is going to make them VERY angry) is known for something, it's its deference towards the presumption of innocence. And no, noone's gonna buy the whole "some dudes from Ferrara who disliked him for unrelated reasons" schtick. Not after Savonarola makes what Lorenzo expected to be a fiery anti-Medici sermon. Sure, his tone is ultimately more conciliatory than that, but Lorenzo didn't know that when he was planning the murder!

-Besides, Savonarola didn't exactly keep the contents of his sermon secret untill he said it out loud; at least a couple of his associates must know what he was going to say (I mean, if his greatest enemy does), and it wouldn't be that hard for them to spread the news about this, or even organize an anti-Medici mob on the spot. Sure, MAYBE they will be intimidated by the murder itself BUT YOU CANNOT KNOW THAT

-And the kicker is, there are a dozen better ways to get rid of him! For one, it's not like reinstituting the old system and maybe even rigging it a little bit is going to cost the Medici. But even if they couldn't rig it, strategic retreat is a thing! And no, what was instituted after the Ten was disbanded clearly wasn't the old system of oligarchic rule, which would still favor the Medici and let Lorenzo regroup. Or, and hear me out - maybe try discrediting Savonarola somehow? Accuse him of heresy or some other made-up charge? Challenge his ideas on a public forum, like by actively advocating for the stability the Ten provides or something? Or mayhaps, if the murder is truly the only solution, something more subtle, to make it look like an accident? Poison, perhaps? Like, there are literally dozens of better, more clever ways someone as cunning as Lorenzo could use before resorting to armored thugs.

-And the thing is, from a writing standpoint, you don't need to do any of that; just make Lorenzo orchestrate the murder, then save Savonarola from the thugs he himself hired INTENTIONALLY. Like, saving the life of this super popular prophet would be the instant reputation saver Lorenzo needs and make much more sense than the Cesare Borgia shit he's trying to pull here.

-But that would kinda distract the show from Lorenzo's... Redemption arch? Like, what the fuck was that. I find the way the show is trying to shift the blame for Lorenzo's misdeeds on Guido especially heinous, as if the only thing that man ever did wasn't just to always push for the most violent and radical solution - a pattern so consistent that I cannot read Lorenzo even keeping him around as anything other than Lorenzo's own eagerness to always go for the most violent option. In a perverse way, Lorenzo (albeit untintentionally) and the show (absolutely intentionally) used the man as a scapegoat, a sacrificial lamb to cleanse Lorenzo's sins. The servant is brutally murdered by an angry mob so that the master might die in his bed surrounded by his loving family. Seriously, fuck this. Evil Advisor the worst trope. As @julyzaa once put it: "why is everything blamed on the evil adviser/ambitious wife/concubine these characters have not considered the person may be fucking dumb"

-Not that Savonarola doesn't make his own dumb choice. Seriously, dude, heckling your political oponent at his wife's funeral?! Time and place, my man, time and place. Then again, might just be a flex on how mad he can make people be at Lorenzo. After all, heckling a man at his wife's funeral, that is some anger and contempt, you know? The show doesn't even hint at this, but I'll be charitable this time.

-But oh, look, Minette, a Michelangelo cameo! Seriously, are you guys for fucking real?! I've only gotten used to Boticelli as a recurring character and I barely tolerated the Da Vinci cameo. DON'T PUSH IT.

-Of course, that isn't the most infuriating cameo by far, as my Machiavelli girlies would attest to. That's right, we did not have the time for the father of humanism in this humanism and renaissance show, but you know what renaissance philosopher DID make it into this show?! That's right, the one that every basic bitch knows, or at least think they know, because while it's only implication, the narrative of Machiavelli The Cunning Intrigue Man is still very much there, nary a hint of his well-attested republican sympathies at least earlier in his life, which greatly contrast with the philosophy espoused by The Prince and lend themselves to scholarly debate about what his actual intentions behind The Prince even were- Ahem. My point is, these writers didn't even so much as watch an Overly Sarcastic Productions video, which is some dedication to not doing research, let me tell ya!

-Great, so Bianca had returned this episode. Show, I don't care about Bianca and you cannot make me. Especially not by making her a generic Voice Of Reason, a role already fulfilled in a more interesting manner by the youngins (Giulio and Piero). Heck, I don't care about any of these assholes enough for Lorenzo's emotional deathbed moment to really land. Or any other moment of this episode, for that matter. Especially when they condemn Lorenzo on moral grounds, but none of them really points out that his plan is not only reprehensible, but also very, very stupid.

-The only time this episode did literally anything that actually worked for me was Lucrezia D's radicalization, because that was the only part of the plot untouched by Lorenzo's shitshow of a character arch. When she lets the altar boys take her stuff with a serene smile on her face? Amazing, what a moment. Especially since her husband doesn't seem too wild about that, hinting at how Savonarola's reign will turn against the anti-Medici oligarchs who supported him. Why, we could've had this plot as an official apology from the Hollywood for botching the Sparrow subplot in Game of Thrones... Alas, the show ends with Lorenzo's death and only mentions one of the most interesting periods in Florentine history in passing, so no dice.

-I sincerely hate that the only reply the show has to Savonarola's religious fanatism is "but the art is nice tho". Like, the show had a ready-made philosophy to counteract him right there IF IT BOTHERED TO INCLUDE FUCKING PICO DELLA MIRANDOLLA (even tho the man supported Savonarola and had his own religious phase, it's complicated). Seriously. Why the fuck is there no humanism in this renaissance and humanism show???

-And that is kinda my summary of the whole show, really. A few excellent moments, a whole lot of stupidity, too much renaissance, absolutely no humanism. 4/10, don't watch it. Unless The Borgias is even worse, so this is overall the best Italian renaissance show out there. I can't tell, I haven't seen The Borgias. Or maybe watch it, but only season 1.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 22 (A Man Of No Importance)

-Well, this show being good was nice while it lasted. Back into the Mediocre Territory we go!

-I have no idea who the title refers to. Tomasso? Bruno? I don't think they drop the title at any point, so I am just confused.

-This episode is most notable for being the one where Bernardi's backstory is revealed, and... Uhm... I still don't know what to make of it to be honest. That Bruno's response to being constantly berated for his weakness was becoming a cold-blooded killer? Like, I don't get it. He starts out as this quiet dude, almost a dormat, but then he has enough and goes full sane Joker (no, I don't know how a "sane Joker" works either, leave me alone, I didn't write this show)? Or was it just that he considers himself a monster, now that he has murdered his abusive father, and so is able to supress any and all guilt he has about killing people by "well, I've already killed my father, so I am going to hell anyway"?

-I think Guido is framed as a villain here, and he's certainly a jerk, but... He did nothing wrong??? Well, aside from being a dick to Bruno, but Bruno is a fucking murderer, so what gives? Honestly, poor dude, Lorenzo basically used threats of violence to extort his entire city for money in their time of privation.

-Speaking of said extortion! This is kind of a strange... Note? Complaint? I don't know where I am going with this, but basically. This seems to take place before the Italian campaign of Charles VIII. Which would make the fact that these people can still be intimidated by sufficiently strong catapults not that preposterous. But it is very funny to watch that kind of thing a mere decade before people in the same geographic area would get their first taste of the canon - and honestly I can't stress enough what a disaster canons were for the walls of renessaince Italian cities. Like before they figured out star fortresses and stuff, old castle and city walls tended to fold like paper, because they were built tall and thin. I don't know how realistic a catapult that shoots exploding canonballs is (my guess is not very), but aiming them at the tower is actually pretty realistic.

-Aaand that's as far as my suspension of disbelief can carry me. First off, that a falling tower, even an empty one, not only wouldn't kill anyone in the city, but that such a thing would be LIKELY (which it would have to be for Lorenzo's plan to be any good)? I call immense bullshit. Second, destroying one single tower isn't "breaching the walls", what the fuck. And why isn't Guido even trying to defend his own city?! Where is their army?! More importantly, where is POPE'S army?! If Sarzano is really that important to him, why can't Guido expect papal armies to come to his aid? Again, Lorenzo isn't breaching the actual walls (as opposed to towers and other weak points) unless he has actual canons, and even if he does, he has a relatively small force with him. Lastly, I could MAYBE buy that Sarzano isn't important enough for the pope to go to war over unless there were actual casualties, even if that's really, really pushing it (like, threats of violence can also count as an act of war!). But there's no way in hell the relations between the Papal State and Florence wouldn't at least get worse after something like that. And pope absolutely isn't paying that debt to the Medici anytime soon!

-You know, all this could've been avoided if Lorenzo didn't bankrupt his family trough his donations and political ambitions, but very well. Honestly, there's a good story buried under all the bullshit about that exact thing, but unfortunately the show never suggests Lorenzo SHOULDN'T have tried to gain more power or sponsor artists so much... Or, at the very least, he should've done so responsibly and also keep a check on the finances of his own bank. But alas.

-I mean, it is pretty funny that a large portion of this episode's plot is about our "heroes" trying to get away with their crimes. Which, to be fair, the show is kinda aware of? Still, I am not sure whether they expected me to root against them as strongly as I did. Like, Tomasso was 100% justified in everything he did, no ifs or buts about it.

-Look, nothing against Toby Regbo - he's an extremely handsome guy, and in the exact way that would make your average renessaince artist drool like a bloodhound - but he's not, how shall I put it... Physically threatening. If you can push him out of a window, you can absolutely bind and gag him while you take the incriminating pages or burn them or whatever. Plus, he already alerted the Ten, so murdering him is just going to get you and your employer in more trouble. In short, unlike the Pazzi in episode 7 of the previous season, Bruno most definitely does not know how to use murder strategically. Him Jan Masaryking Tomasso was not only horrible, but also altogether stupid.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 21 (The Holy See)

-Objectively, this episode wasn't nearly as good as the previous one. Subjectively, it was the best, and that was for the one and only reason: Caterina fucking Sforza.

-Those two things aren't as disconnected as you might think. Caterina honestly felt like a bit of a deus ex machina. Yes, I know Riario being an ungrateful bastard who treats her like shit was set up very well over the previous episodes, so she doesn't technically qualify, but like... For all their efforts, the Medici's victory is ultimately trough no real contribution of their own.

-Well, at least it turns out to be relatively hollow, or at least causing more problems at the moment than it solves. No, really, I actually liked that part a lot! Lorenzo needed to have been taken down so many pegs I cherish every defeat of his, and this one was just written so damn well! Like, the fact that his victory was hollowed by the exact same thing that allowed said victory in the first place (a.k.a. the papal armies not being payed)? POETIC CINEMA

-I am not sure about the portrayal of Caterina from a historical point of view. Like c'mon, this was one of the toughest women of the renessaince, and in this show she's worried about her peace and her unborn baby and being chummy with Clarice... *sigh* Look, man, I just thing we've had enough "silk hiding steel" types in this show, okay? Why can't we have one single unapologetic bitch, or even like a more masculine-leaning type of lady? Also, in history, her husband was at point living in the town Forli, which he ruled along Imola, and they had like six children already, also also he was killed four years after his uncle's death by some political rivals, who sought the Medici support, but never got it (so much for real Lorenzo having a "consumed by vengeance" arch, lol).

-Well, at least as far as "silk hiding steel" types go, she's one of the best ones around. In fact, purely as a show character, I actually love her? Plus, she clearly likes both Lorenzo and Clarice (their fireside chat was lowkey gay and don't you dare dissuade me of that notion), so she can join their polycule, which - nice! Once I get around to writing that Clarice x Lucrezia D smut, I will add her too for sure. For real, tho, I would be madder at every woman in this show wanting to fuck Lorenzo if he didn't actually earn it by looking like Daniel Sharman.

-This show really wants to tone down the depravity of renessaince papacy; a doomed endeavour if I ever saw one, and also you have literal Girolamo "the anti-renessaince papacy activist" Savonarola in your show, the fuck are you doing?! And Carlo's "minor bribery is fine, but larger-scale bribery isn't" stance is pretty stupid, like dude, I hate to break it to you, but once you enter this game, you're in it to win it. Like, the rival candidate is literally supported by Lorenzo's greatest enemy, and he has the chance to destroy said enemy right then and there. Of course, in the previous episodes, Lorenzo had a lot of opportunity to forgive Riario and difuse the tensions between them, but that ship has sailed years ago.

-Honestly, Caterina's secrets are hillariously tame, like I get that this show tries desperately to not be The Borgias, but seriously, what do you mean SOME of the cardinals have mistresses and take bribes?!

-Then there's Giulio's forgiveness towards the murderer of his mother, which... Actually kinda works with both his show character and IRL Clement VII. being a surprisingly decent dude for a renessaince pope? BTW if you've seen The Serpent Queen, the character played by Charles Dance is basically Giulio decades later. Of course, it wouldn't be me if I didn't point out that while Giulio did want to join the church since young age, his career would be limited (as was Carlo's) by his illegitimate birth, which is why he at first tried a military career as a member of the johannites. He only became a priest after Lorenzo's death, but whatever.

-THE SAVONAROLA PLOT THICKENS. That's all I have to say about it. That part of the episode was pretty awesome, no notes.

[minetteskvareninova]

Minette watches Medici, part 19 (The Trust)

-Holyshiholyshitholyshit WHAT IS THIS?! A GOOD EPISODE?! Seriously, what is it with the third episodes of the third season and being surprisingly excellent? First ITV Victoria and now Medici. I mean the third season of Victoria was overall stronger, but still. You know the Doofenschmirtz quote about two nickels.

-Riario is kinda growing on me. Like this guy is never going to be a villain I can take seriously, but at least his cringiness has finally passed a certain treshhold beyond which he circles around to being enjoyable again, although ironically. When old Ferrante grabbed his lower jaw and chewed him out? I SCREAMED. This, people, is my boyfailure. Come to me, kiddo, all is forgiven.

-Speaking of old Ferrante! Honestly, what a character. He's like 50% less iconic than the real Ferrante I. of Naples, which still makes him the coolest guy in any room, possibly the whole show. I was sorely disappointed about the lack of Museum Of Mummies, but otherwise, what a man. Really makes you believe he's the father of the legendary Beatrice of Naples, second wife of Matthias Corvinus and godmother of the Hungarian renaissance. The only moment that made me rise an eyebrow a little was him trying to make Ippolita seduce, like that doesn't feel like something a renaissance prince would do, even a consummate whore like Ferrante...? Whatever. I guess I can't complain too much, since it gave him some more moral ambiguity, which is great, because real Ferrante was a lot of things, but like most renaissance princes (including real Lorenzo, but whatever), he was not a good dude.

-Speaking of Lorenzo and Ippolita! Fuck, what a duo. Like, what do you know, when you take Lorenzo out of his natural environment in Florence, so that he's put on back foot and can't pontificate on how he loves the republic, noone loves the republic more than him and he'd never, ever subvert it to gain more power for his family... Well, then he's just a clever strategist and one smooth motherfucker that's actually pretty likeable! Honestly, at one point I wouldn't even mind if he actually slept with Ippolita. Not like he never cheated on Clarice before, and honestly I am kinda lukewarm on Lorenzo x Clarice anyway... But he didn't, for which he gets a tiny little gold star. His dynamic with Ippolita is still pretty fascinating and their dialogues some of the best in the show. And I love Ippolita as a character so much. The girl deserves better. Pity she can't join Lorenzo's polycule, like if he didn't take care of her, his girls defo would...

-Which brings me to Clarice and Lucrezia D who FINALLY SHARED A SCENE PEOPLE CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAM?! Sure, it was short and only mildly gay, but still. At this point I take what I can get. Lorenzo possibly cheating on Clarice didn't exactly move me, but I didn't hate it either; like, they didn't make it too annoying or taking up too much space, so I'll allow it.

-This episode's cast was honestly so stacked that Lucrezia T can't even be called its MVP, which is saying something, because this was a baller episode for her as well. And I am really looking forward to where the Medici financial issues plot is going to go, which together with Savonarola makes me mildly hopeful for the future episodes. Like I know the high of this episode probably won't last, but at least some of the rest of the show can possibly, maybe come close to it???

-BTW shoutout to Massimo from 365 days, who had a small role in this episode. Let me tell you, I nearly spilled my chocolate milk when I saw his face. Nice to see the guy got at least one dignified role in his life, like he's really not a bad actor...

-Anyway, great episode, the whole season was worth it just for old Ferrante.