#I mean I guess not since he died looking for his birth mother anyway :/

[goatsghost]

I was just wondering about this a few days ago too, was Jason never adopted??? I swore he was Bruce’s son, but all evidence lately seems to prove against it

[antebunny]

So there's a subgenre of fics in the Harry Potter fandom wherein a person conceived while one of their parents is under the influence of a love potion will become aroace at birth. The origin, afaik, are two insidiously awful decisions of JKR combining: 1) she reinvented date rape drugs/roofies aka love potions, without realizing it I guess, and 2) she said that Voldemort was asexual, because she's never seen a marginalized identity she didn't spit on.

Since Merope Gaunt (Voldemort's mother) used a love potion on Tom Riddle Sr. (Voldemort's dad) I guess people got the idea that what if love potions caused asexuality? And asexuality + aromanticism, of course, meant evil. Here's an excerpt from one of those fics in which Bill Weasley explains being aro/ace to Hermione:

[Image ID]

"No. I just dated because that was what you did. I never really felt anything for them. A few kisses, plenty of hand-holding. I made out in a few broom closets, and had one very uncomfortable make-out session up the top of the Astronomy Tower that I eventually ended by pretending I heard Filch coming past on a patrol. I even tried making out with a guy once in case that was it–nothing. I never told mum about that, of course. Good wizards don't shame their families like that."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know."

He shrugged. "It doesn't apply to me anyway. I'm not gay. I wasn't anything, and I was trying to accept that and be content with it. It was good enough. Until I met Fleur." His eyes lit up with joy as he spoke about her.

[Second Image ID]

"Look, the point is with her allure from being part-Veela, I love her. Like I can never love anyone else. I don't want to lose that. You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else. I've dated people I said I cared for, but I wouldn't have died for them. Well, out of logical choice I might risk my life, but not from love. But I would die for Fleur. Do you understand? She makes me a better person. I would do anything to make her happy. I'm not alone in the world anymore."

She nodded slowly. "I see." It wasn't so much him manipulating Fleur, as him permitting her to manipulate him. Into feeling. "I didn't realise it could be that bad." She still thought he should confess, but it didn't sound like he was hurting Fleur–he really did love her.

[End Image ID]

I read this fic years ago, and at the time I genuinely had not thought about my sexuality at all. I would've never called myself aro or ace. Still, reading this felt like being repeatedly punched in the face. I kept on waiting for Hermione to say something similar to what she said after Bill made a homophobic comment. After all, she went out of her way the first time, didn't she. Instead, what I got was essentially:

Bill: I don't usually feel romantic or sexual attraction. So there's something wrong with me.

Hermione: Yeah lmao. But there's nothing wrong with being gay!

I've been (reading) on Ao3 since 2016, and in all that time I've seen plenty of subtle racism, sexism, etc. But I've never seen anything as plainly stated as this. To this day I have yet to hear any aro/ace people describe the experience of being aro/ace in any of the following ways: "How could I forgive myself if we brought a child into the world to suffer the emptiness I lived with my whole existence[?]" /"You should be unable to love." / "You don't understand what it's like to go through life feeling nothing for anyone else."

I could not understand why Bill described it as "emptiness" or "feeling nothing." I still cannot find a single aro/ace person who would describe themselves as empty. The most I have ever heard is: "I wish I was normal" (meaning I wish I fit in, I wish to be accepted by other people). Historically, many aro/ace people married and had kids, conforming to societal norms, and I am sure many believed there was something wrong with them or hoped to grow out of it. I was one of them. On a very personal note, I suspect that my father is too. I am certain that he's never heard the terms asexual or aromantic in his life. But if you think I'll ever discuss his sexuality with him, you're out of your damn mind.

Now, I know it's really easy to find this fic from these quotes. I chose to include them anyways because I think it's important to show how blatant it was. My Tumblr blog isn't exactly a platform, but for the five people reading this: please, please do not go after the author. I truly believe that they had no ill-intent. In the comments of this fic, a few people bring up variations of "it sounds like Bill is just aro/ace" and the author is consistently understanding. Here are some of the author's comment on that fic:

[Image ID]

I very much understand what you're saying. It's a tricky thing for me to address, however. For the core idea I'm playing with is basically the evilness of "love potions". And part of that is exploring JKR's idea that Voldemort, being unable to love due to his mother using a love potion on his father, was a *monster* because of that. Perhaps that doesn't come across very clearly (there's a little bit more of it in the prequel), that it's one of the assumptions I'm trying to undermine. ("Love potions are funny/romantic", "Voldemort is a monster because he could not love", "Harry's power was that he could love - he's not a monster like Voldemort", "There's nothing wrong with selling love potions to teens/adults because it's not 'real' love".)

I feel like I'm already poking at the inherent problem of framing "people who cannot love" as "monsters/psychopaths" by showing Bill and Harry's struggles with self acceptance, and Bill finding a way to love (though do note he'd been making peace with the idea he wasn't attracted to anyone, prior to meeting Fleur). I really don't like the canonical take on love-redeems/love-is-the-best-power/the-loveless-are-monsters, so I'm messing with it a bit. Exploring other people than Voldemort, ones we admire, who are also dealing with being unable to love. Does that make sense? Now, that doesn't mean I'm doing a perfect job at it, but I'm trying my best to explore that theme around the edges of my Dramione story.

[End Image ID]

The author's intention was to show how other characters, made aro/ace via love potion like Voldemort, were not evil or sociopaths. I don't know why all the characters were so aro/acephobic, but sometimes fics get away from you and you don't address everything you wanted to. I don't know why the aro/ace characters had so much internalized shame and hatred when the term bachelor has been in use for centuries, but we fanfic authors love writing self-esteem issues and I would be a hypocrite to say otherwise. I don't know why the author never tagged acephobia or internalized acephobia, but no one HAS to tag anything.

I don't know if the author ended up writing that fic where Harry comes to accept his aro/asexuality. It's totally understable if they didn't; I have failed to write many fics that I really did want to write. Sometimes it's just like that. I really, truly believe that the author had the best of intentions and is not aro/acephobic, just severely misled on what that experience is like.

My beef is not with this author. I used their words to highlight a reoccurring and popular sentiment that I hate. My real beef is that this fic is popular. This is an entire subgenre of Harry Potter fics. I actually decided to write this post because some random person on the internet said, a few days ago, something along the lines of: "Remember when JKR invented a date rape drug that turned people into sociopaths? Yeah…" (And also because I was up until 3 am last night writing a dumb trash angst one-shot about it).

I'd wager that the vast, vast majority of people who write or read those fics don't feel the same way. But the condescension is baked into the very premise of that trope. "Oh poor you, it must be so hard, so lonely going through life without ever loving another person. You must feel so empty inside."

It's actually people who say similar things that make me feel isolated. Most of the time I feel free, like I've cracked this secret code, like I'm able to see things clearly that people so hung up over sex and romance can't. Other times I feel so left out I wish I was "normal." Mostly, being aro/ace is lonely, annoying, exhausting, and liberating.

It wasn't until last year that a friend told me that some people actually do have trouble speaking to someone they've never met before, just because they find that someone attractive. I thought that only happened in stories. But I don't want to get nervous meeting new people based on their looks, I don't want to treat people differently based on how much I want to have sex with them. I wish my friends in high school had never pressured me to come out as bisexual. I wish all the other similarly liberal, queer communities I've found since didn't insist on associating sex and dating with emotional comfort. I wish I could magically stop my parents from expecting me to ever get married and have kids.

But I can't.

Anyways, that's it for today. I'm not sure what the point of writing this was. I really don't want anyone to get hurt or attacked because of it. This is not a callout, or a hate brigade, or any sort of call-to-action. I don't want people to get up-in-arms about this. I'm just tired. I suppose I just wanted to put my feelings out there, and well, this is my Tumblr.

[daenystheedreamer]

hi can we know more about your ocs please....... i'm fascinated.

ABSOLUTELY i love thinking and talking and being crazy about them. putting all this under a cut cos ooo boy im not burdening your TLs with my rambling and omg it is. DEEPLY embarrassing. i go into canon oc danelle lothston and omaegorverse!

my specfic iteration of danelle comes from this thread of a fic i want to finish where she's got like Genre Awareness and can see ghosts both past and future and harrenhal is very house of leaves. like she sometimes watches the tourney at harrenhal she watches the doom of rhaegar lyanna elia and she grew up seeing the ghosts of alys harroway/alys rivers/rhaena targaryen/harren the black around the castle. she goes to the gods eye time vortex and exchanges sentimental items (her beloved deceased maids' stuff...) for shit thats fallen into the lake (its like genshin gacha, she's aiming for dark sister but she keeps getting aemond's sapphire eyeball -_-)

also harrenhal is unmapped and grows and shrinks and opens new passageways. also its sooo goofy but the library is like A Library Of Everything and has all information past present future and hence danelle knows she is doomed!!

its mostly me building my canon oc danelle lothston and viewing her through the eyes of the person who will one day doom her and hence take on the harrenhal curse and also they are horrible lesbians and danelle is visenya kin (wears armour all the time, does blood magic, is a lesbian)

OMAEGORVERSE oh omaegorverse my beloved beloathed...

maegor 'fixes' things with the faith by going okay targaryens will have a westerosi wife in the way of the faith and a targaryen wife in the way of old valyria. then all the kids can fight it out and whoever wins gets westeros and clearly whoever wins is blessed by your gods so if you say no i guess it means you disagree with your gods :/ he spends his time subjugating lords and probably doing prima noctus not cos he wants to fuck women but just to cuck men lol. basically making everyone's life absolute hell ESPECIALLY for his wife-husband viserys

viserys is utterly totally and absolutely traumatised, constantly dissociating, not even one foot in reality hes got like one toe in reality entirely devoted to his abomination children. i havent chosen exactly how i want visenya/alyssa/jaehaerys/alysanne to figure into this au but rhaena chooses to 'side' with maegor in order to protect viserys (plus some aerea/rhaella stuff) and possibly alysanne is forced into the faith and she too stays by viserys' side. anyway viserys is a wet and sad kicked kitten in this au he has The Worst Fucking Life Ever

JAEHAERYS: hes the first son, jaehaerys died for his birth and warning that will make this paragraph VERY confusing cos theres two jaehaeryses. viserys abjectly refuses to accept the death of jaehaerys because he feels totally responsible for it and he basically treats jaehaerys (his kid) like jaehaerys (his brother). imagine being the heir to a kingdom and your dad is like hi little brother how are you how is our wonderful and totally still alive mother alyssa :) and you are like who tf is alyssa YOU are my mother?? hence he has some identity issues. he was promised to aerea from birth to shore up inheritance and keep rhaena in line. he looks exactly like jaehaerys(son of alyssa) since whatever blood magic they use has to lilke make up for the fact maegor is infertile so its a combo of viserys+maegor+visenya+a sacrifice in this case jaehaerys. maegor thinks hes kind of a pussy cos hes not built like maegor and as a 3 year old he wasnt like wooo murder hell yeah!! hes very psychosexually freudian too he is VERY weird like imagine growing wth an omegafied mother-father i thikn that would make you a bit weird. i think he had a tysha-like sexual humiliation incident in the past too.

DAENYS: daenys my beloved i could go on forever. im not sure exactly where/what i want her to go/do. im biased wanting her to go to harrenhal but i think the hightower would make sense, to make up for the whole ceryse deal and keep them on maegor's side. gosh i♡examining the horrors of being a feudal child bride and growing up knowing thats all you are hee hee<3 she has a dragon but it's the runt of the litter it's like Large Horse sized (shes a horsegirl its her only friend!) rhaena used to take her flying on dreamfyre<3 aerea and rhaella were her only friends cos she was too scared of other people partly because viserys+maegor are insanely paranoid and partly because she was terrified of women because she had lesbian thoughts and thought she was evil for it. she's viserys' favourite she's his little dreamer his dream and hope and escape and that DEFINITELY didn't make her weird at all... maegor mostly ignores her cos she's not his heir and not the cooler daughter(viserra)

VISERRA: viserra is visenya kin through and through but also tyanna of the tower was used during her blood magic birth ritual so she's got double the insane womanism. she worships her dad! shes the first to claim a dragon and its huge and bigger than her brother's and she's a better fighter than him and taller. she's maegor's favourite (cough cough shes just like his mommy!!) and that made her crazy lol youve heard of girldad get ready for dadgirl. she haaaaates jaehaerys she thinks hes a pussy and she wants to fight him for inheritance + hates aerea cos by rights as jaehaerys' sister she should have married him and been queen. thinks daenys is a weird freak and feeds into daenys' insecurities and calls her a freak for having lesbian tendencies(homophobia♡) its a bit of a joffrey situation too like she could have been normal but unfortunately menace of the millenium maegor was like no youre my favourite youre the best youre the greatest youre my spiritual heir youre basically a god and because maegor is the ultimate evil patriarch and has isolated this horrible family of his she's like yeah well he's right about everything i guess i AM a god!!

[dragondevinity]

Immortal Hiccup au pt 1 and 2

Hiccup was born about 1000 years before the events of his original birth. Having a power to change his age and appearance to suit what is better in his opinion.

He has been around dragons for most of his time on this earth, they had much more time to be on earth then humans did. Hiccup learnt how to understand most dragons within his first 50 years on earth since they had seen him as something not so human which is fair in his opinion. He learnt that dragons could live up to Thor knows how long due to hearing that a dragon has been alive since what the dragons called the giant lizard era. Though sadly that dragon is not around anymore due to humans, a shame really he would of loved to know more about the giant lizard era. (Dragons in this au are cousins to what would later become dinosaurs and todays mammals and reptiles)

Hiccup managed to be on berk during the time his cannon mother was supposed to give birth in the form of a 5 year old due to him preferring this form. Anyways Valka gave birth to a girl that looks like Stoick.

5 years have passed and hiccup finds Berk fascinating because of everything that has happened to the villagers and the village. So he made the woods his home.

Hiccup decided to go into the village one day since he was bored and didn’t want to explore the forest since he knows it all to well now. He walked into the village in his 5 year old form getting a few stares from people until he bumps into Stoick, now to Stoick Hiccup looks a lot like valka but with his own eye colour. Being that this was really weird to the chief he asked hiccup who’s child he was. Hiccup not having parents for over 900+ years had said he had none, Stoick told hiccup to follow him and hiccup followed without questions due to still being bored.

Stoick brought Hiccup to his house to let Valka see him. Valka was shocked seeing a boy who looked her daughters age that looked nearly the same as her but with freckles and Stoicks eyes.

After the shock died down Valka asked if hiccup had parents, but hiccup gave her the same answer as he had given Stoick before.

Skip 10 years to cannon events Hiccup is a haddock now and Valka left when she was carried off by a raid 9 years prior.

I will leave this chapter here as to have abit more suspense for chapter two :)

————————————————————————

Chapter 2

The night was the one he would shoot Toothless down on. Being nearly the same as cannon but the difference being Hiccup could understand Toothless. Skip to when hiccup finds Toothless in the cove after the first meet.

“A new dragon type” Hiccup whispered to himself slightly to loud gaining the dragons attention. He had decided to give Toothless the fish he brought for him. Still being giddy about a new dragon type hiccup watches toothless for the day after the fish thing in the original movie.

Skip to right after the fight with the red death, due to not needing to change much about anything else for the plot.

They are sitting in hiccups room talking about things when hiccup asks toothless about basic information like what toothlesses age is and if he has a mate since it’s completely slipped hiccups mind to ask before.

“I’m not a very seasoned night fury age wise I guess, I mean I’m only something like 1100 years old” Toothless explained to hiccup with a smile.

“So what about you how old are you Hiccup?”

Not expecting anything substantial for a human he was suprized.

“Funny thing Toothless i myself am about 1000 years old due to being immortal” Suprize fading Toothless is now hellbent on knowing more about his human.

So this is the end of the chapter. I’m thinking of making this full on Toothcup instead of just having them as best friends. Plus I enjoy the ship.

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S4E8 "Future Imperfect"

My last review was posted like... nine months ago.

Time flies when you're lazy.

THE PREMISE

Commander Riker’s birthday celebrations are interrupted by reports of strange sensor readings from Alpha Onias 3. He beams down with Geordi and Worf to investigate but they’re quickly knocked out by toxic gases. Upon awakening in sickbay, Riker discovers that sixteen years have passed (though he can't remember any of it) and he is now the captain of the Enterprise.

MY REVIEW

Sixteen years in the future. Assuming that Riker is roughly the same age as Jonathan Frakes, that would put him in his mid-fifties. And if we compare this "middle-aged" Riker to Jonathan Frakes circa mid-2000s...

Not bad. Still, anything beats that weird adult Wesley from Hide and Q.

Then again, if we use Riker's birthday slab as an indicator, then he just turned...

...six.

I guess he was born on a leap year.

Anyway, here we are in the future, where Dr Crusher chalks up Riker's sudden amnesia to a side effect of a dormant infection which he picked up on that away mission all those years ago. An infection which Klingons just so happen to be immune to... and I guess Geordi is just built different.

Dr Crusher recommends associational therapy, with the idea being that surrounding Riker with familiar people and things will help to jog his memory, starting with a trip to the bridge. Because a man fresh out of a coma with a massive gap in his memory is clearly fit to resume command of a starship. Good call.

Riker arrives on the bridge and finds it looking… exactly the same, since new sets ain’t cheap, but there are at least changes among the crew. My boi Data is now First officer, Geordi now has ocular implants so LeVar Burton gets to act without a hunk of plastic on his face, and more species like Klingons and Ferengi are among the crew.

But what concerns Riker is the most is Admiral Picard and Troi arriving on a Romulan Warbird.

That last one is explained by ongoing peace treaty negotiations with the Romulans, which Riker has apparently been leading ever since he rescued the crew of a damaged Warbird which wound up in Federation space. Evidently random acts of kindness go a long way towards stopping wars in this universe. The Enterprise is currently escorting the Romulan ambassador to Outpost 23 to wrap things up and get the treaty signed.

Yep. Here we are in the future, and it's bright. Nothing to fear, no one to fight... I can't believe we've come so far.

Then Tomalak beams aboard.

Future Picard and Troi try to reassure Riker – yeah, he did threaten to take the Enterprise's hull as a trophy last season, but that was one time – but he's still concerned, both by the massive gap in his memory and that he might have to reveal sensitive Starfleet intel to someone he probably can't trust.

With the briefing over and Riker’s memories still thoroughly gone, Troi takes him back to his quarters, where a mysterious child is playing his trombone.

"Hi, Dad!"

Ah. He has his father's... hair?

This is Riker's son, Jean-Luc (Chris Demetral). I remember being surprised that Troi wasn't the mother... but their romance is barely more than subtext at this point, so it's not that shocking. Jean-Luc's mother was actually a woman only known as Min, who Troi explains died two years prior. Even though they have zero evidence of her existing – aside from the child she supposedly birthed, I mean – and Riker can't find any trace of her in the ship's records. They don't even have any photos of her. I guess they had to make room for their... modern art?

I think I saw the Threads logo in there.

Christ, the last time I posted a review Threads didn't even exist it's been so fucking long

The computer's been acting up for a while now, come to think of it. I'm sure Geordi will be done with that diagnostic soon.

Still, I can at least appreciate the script's efforts to make us care about this kid. Riker adjusts pretty well to being a father, though that probably has more to do with Jonathan Frakes' natural daddy– I mean dad energy.

"I guess there's only one thing we can do. We've got to build some new memories!"

But Riker is still bothered that he can't find any trace of his late wife, though Jean-Luc says he's just not being precise enough, and pulls up some old home movies. It's here that we discover that "Min" is actually Minuet (again played by Carolyn McCormick for a single shot – that's dedication for you), that hologram lady he tried to bone way back in his babyface era.

Suddenly everything starts falling into place. And speaking of hologram romantics (or holosexuals, as I like to call them), Geordi calls Riker back up to the bridge.

It's here that the attempts to keep Riker gaslit, gatekept and girlbossed completely fall apart, as he calls out all sorts of holes in the facade, like Geordi taking more than a day to run a simple diagnostic, nobody being able to properly recall past events and even Data using a contraction.

Ha! I knew Lore was going to come back eventually! AND THEY CALLED ME A MADMAN!

...No? It's not Lore? Aight. Maybe next season.

"Would anyone else like to speak up? Or shall we end this charade?"

With the wool thoroughly pulled back from Riker's eyes, Tomalak reveals that the whole thing has actually been a hologram simulation designed to trick him into revealing Federation intel like, say, the location of Outpost 23.

You win this time, Lore.

Turns out that after the away team was hit with the gas, the Romulans intercepted Riker while he was being beamed up. They used their neural scanners to create a perfect replica of the Enterprise and its crew. Add a bit of ageing makeup and some bullshit about amnesia and badda bing badda bang, you’ve got yourself a pretty convincing future AU.

As for Tomalak’s OC, Jean-Luc, he was actually some random kid named Ethan who they had taken prisoner after raiding a research outpost on the edge of the Neutral Zone.

They throw Riker in a cell with him for a lil bit — just long enough for Ethan to tell him about a secret hiding spot elsewhere on the ship — so when the Romulans come back with the intention of taking the intel by force, Riker seizes the opportunity. One distraction and a few punches in the face later, and they’re on the run.

Ethan leads Riker through a convenient crawl space to a convenient forgotten room where some convenient blueprints conveniently tell them the location of the ship’s communication centre where they could send a message to the Enterprise. But there's a catch.

Ethan: The transmitter's on a voice-activated security system only.

Riker: Do you know whose voice activates it?

Ethan: Only Ambassador Tomalak.

...The fuck you say?

Yeah, the plot be thickening. Turns out the original simulation was just crammed inside of another one. So the Romulan ship fades away... as do the Romulans... and Tomalak... until Riker is left standing back in the cave on Alpha Onias 3... with only the boy remaining.

Credit where it's due, decent plot twist.

The boy, whose real name is Barash, reveals that his mother left him in the cave — which essentially functions as Holodeck+ by manifesting anything he wants — to keep him safe. But with his mother long dead and the Enterprise being the planet's first visitors in ages, he baited the away team down to the surface and intercepted Riker mid-transport while Geordi and Worf were safely beamed back up.

But with the game up, Barash drops the facade, allowing the Enterprise to finally get a proper lock on him. Fortunately Riker realises that the kid meant nothing by it and even offers him asylum on the Enterprise, prompting Barash to finally reveal his true form.

Ah... I think you've got the wrong set, my dude. This is Star Trek. Doctor Who is on Stage 4B.

Riker: To me, you'll always be Jean-Luc.

And so Riker has himself and the kid beamed up. Da end.

We're going to see a lot of these "waking up in a different reality" plots going forward, and while I'm usually not really a fan — you're mostly just waiting for the character in question to realise something ain't right and expose whatever tomfuckery is causing it — this one ain't half bad, since it was a bit more subtle about it and had some third act twists to spice things up. So yeah.

7/10 - The first of many.

We are so fucking back.

Previous Episode | TNG Masterpost | Next Episode

[exilley]

i keep thinking about what kim bi says about family in her interview

VC: After meeting her “mother,” Ran comes to realize the importance of “chosen family” and how strong her father has been. What does the word “family” mean to you? KB: Hmm . . . This is probably the most difficult question to answer. For me, family has not been a “shining” thing. Unfortunately, I think my family may have been a mixture of all possible despair, be it ruined people, hurt people, discarded people, or people sacrificed to the violence of the state. My father was injured during the Korean War and was in pain until the day he died. My mother, who bore the brunt of my father’s violence when he drank away his pain, left, leaving behind us three kids. And because of this trauma, my brother became an alcoholic too. My younger sister was probably the greatest casualty: she not only bore all of this despair but also, on top of that, had me, a “transgender” older brother. Of course, I don’t believe that my identity is in any way tied to the ruination of my family life. I believe that we are “born this way,” but it seems that the apriority of being transgender is still the subject of much debate, isn’t it? But is it really important if you are transgender from the moment of birth or not? Isn’t it enough to take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness by changing the way your life might be going for the better? Anyway, “family” always played the role of chaos and more chaos for me. That’s why I don’t know how to write a family that longs for and cares for one another. Since I’m writing works of fiction, I can, of course, write a loving family from my imagination, but if I do, I always feel empty. Since it is something that I was never able to have, I should be able to write what I want, but because my stories are always expressing deeper thoughts, I can’t just write something flippantly. I may already think that that kind of family is unnecessary, which may be why I tend to depict “chosen families” as something far warmer and more comforting. I am also of the belief that humanity needs to broaden its understanding of what family is. We’ve come to an age where we need love for humankind more than familial love, and following this path going forward, rather than limiting “family” to those of the same name or bloodline, I will continue to write stories that center people who are looking out for those closest to them, trying their best for them, and growing.

narratives that reconcile queerness with family resonate with me greatly just by virtue of, my experiences, but i find a lot of it is done as "person finds new people that isn't their blood family and those ties become stronger than the ones with their blood family, who suck ass", which is fine, but it doesn't strike the same chords for me i guess.

in "Tree of Kisses", Ran is an adopted child and her father is a trans woman who took her under their* wing. it reads as the story of living with a queer relative and the hardships tailored to that situation. but central to the story is the fact that Ran is also not someone that society would accept. her mother left the house, her father is trans, and then it turns out she's not related by blood to either of them anyway. at the most she's objectified and dehumanized as something to be pitied: theyre both corrupt existences in a sense. theyre both "queer" in the non-identity sense of the word

and Ran and her dad were also alienated from each other. from Ran's perspective is a certain horror of her expectations of a father figure being an illusion, the foundation of what she loved embodying queerness-- broadly she was afraid of the concept of queerness that she saw in her "dad', and then because her conceptual perception of her "father" is part of herself, the queerness that she recognizes in herself (her adoption, her isolation from her peers, her parents' divorced status, etc)

her arc is about accepting herself as much as it is about accepting her father. she accepts the horror, acknowledges it and chooses to love it. and it is through that choice that enables the gap between her and her father to grow into something that embodies connection. they cease to be a "dad" and start being her family. the person who chose her and who she chooses back.

**The text of the story refers to Ran's parent as her father and uses neutral masculine/neutral pronouns. I use neutral pronouns to respect the writer's intentions in conveying this nuance.

[charlottedabookworm]

Dawntrail Day 7+8 (part 2/2)

spoilers up to: lvl100 msq quest Dawntrail

original draft date: 4-5/7/24

scheduled release for: 31/7/2024

i managed to hit tumblrs image cap on part one of this post so. since i can't do a reblog of a post in drafts, here's part two!

part 1/2 is HERE

*

she added her birth name as her middle name

her name is krile because it is the name galuf gave her but maya is the name her parents gave her and she wants to keep both

*

and now just erenville remains

to erase the living memories of his mother

this expansion is really a love letter family and especially to parent/child and sibling relationships huh, good and the bad adn the ugly, blood and adopted adn chosen

*

yeah

i feel that

*

...i cannot believe your mum is calling your out like this erenville

at a time like this

*

that's fair. it's not fair, not really

inside the dome, thirty years passed over the number of days. you went home expecting to see your mum and by the time you made through the dome she was already gone

already gone and hiding it from you because her memories are still here, speaking to you, and that means she isn't really gone at all right?

except she is and she will be because you have to stop sphene and this may be the only way and you don't want her to go

she's your mum and your mentor and you don't want her to go so you don't want to help

(if she never fulfils her wish, surely she won't go?)

but i think- i think you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't, erenville

*

one last adventure with your mum erenville

one last happy memory

*

just gotta finish the msq and i have flight everywhere again!

(hopefully) no more distractions!

*

i love erenville and cahciua debating over the animal being scalekin or beastkin

they're just. interacting. probably how they have a thousand times before

(how they never will again, after this)

*

awww erenville apparently met baby krile, not that either of them remembers it lol

i'm just sad they didn't give us baby erenville in the cutscene he woulda been so adorable

*

oh

the final aether current

i can't be far now from the final quest dungeon and trial still to go notwithstanding

i guess both of those will be on the dawntrail quest? that's how they usually do it iirc

*

i am not emotionally prepared for the end of this quest

fuck

*

i dunno erenville. but she's asked you too

fuck

*

fuuuuuck

okay imma put ending this quest off and go walk the dogs

*

so

i got distracted by life shit like dogs and food and parents and it is now 10pm

i'mma finish dawntrail tonight anyway wish me luck i don't wanna be up past 1

also i gotta remember to cry quietly so i don't wake anyone up

*

oh no i don't need to start crying already

*

fuuuuuck

*

screaming crying throwing up

fuuuuck yep i am emotionally devastated fuck you square

*

still sobbing but-

the curtain falls, the final act begins

dawntrail

*

i'm ready

this expansion has already broken my heart so many times surely it can't do it any more

surely

*

alexandria

it looks so much like in ffix

but-

'to the memory of better days i bid farewell' this is definitely gonna be like in endwalker and shadowbringers right? we're gonna have some time hops to go with our narration

ahhh ye here be calamity stricken alexandria

lovely

annnd the last stage is after the barrier was put into place, probably after sphene died?

cool yeah okay definitely after sphene died

final boss time!

And the final dungeon of 7.0 is done

*

bets on sphene becominh a giant boss who sits at one side of the arena with a huge hitbox?

*

yeeeep there she is

I suppose why mess with a pattern you’ve had since uh- stormblood?

*

excuse me did you just fucking delete my friends who gave you the right to do that

so fuckinh rud-

wait have i really gotta queue for the first time this expansion at gone 11 at night? Fuck this maybe wasn’t my best idea

*

sphene: brings out the milalas key

me: i place my ‘azem stone’ in defense mode!

*

okay wow that was legit one of the best trials i’ve seen in game

there were so many cool mechanics there were arena changes genuine chaos int he middle it was fucking great

like i can absolutely understand why people are saying they’re already improving fight design cos that was amazing

And then the victory lap in the end was nice to see

i cannot wait to see that in ex

*

we are all pitiful selfish creatures, sphene

all of us

born and created

*

of course we will

*

love this

*

annnd credits!

loved the expansion very much

new dragoon is interesting, i don't hate it, the story was a little slow to start but of course it would be, it wasn't a world ending threat (until three quarters of the way through) and it definitely made me cry more than once

loved seeing more of erenville

and i love that raha got his taco in the credits! and esti being surrounded by children tugging on him as alphi laughs!

great expansion, can't wait to see what happens next

*

erenville is gonna stop being a gleaner?

oh

i wish you the best erenville

make sure to invite us on a few of those, yeah?

*

(i hit the image cap again fuck i'm not making another post it can just deal)

"And what of you? Any new adventures in the offing?"

well, wuk lamat, in a little less than two weeks i'm apparently going to be joining a fighting tournament

not sure why yet but it should be fun

*

....sphenes crown

her crown that was her regulator

her crown that was her regulator glowing?

might possibly have just figured out why we're entering a tournament

*

I will definitely go on another adventure with you erenville

whenever you ask

*

alpaca mount!

thanks wuk lamat!

they're so cute

*

kay no tihnking about it sphenes crown is probably story related cos the arcadion is open for buisness again and it doesn't seem to be related

anyway bedtime for me it's gone midnight lol

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 150 Rundown

Spy X Family: So yeah contrary to my theory from last time there really WAS a political rival trying to make the Desmond kids fail but it’s just a little kid buying a discount Spy from the Spy equivalent of Wish dot com, still feel like we should foreshadow stuff like that instead of bringing it up after the fact but okay. But yeah this kid looks like one of the Addams Family had a kid with one of The Oblongs and they made this weird off-model goth child. Though surprisingly enough they don’t go for the ‘he keeps trying lame attempts to get Damian expelled’ like the sabotage gets revealed pretty early thanks to Anya and Damian is way cooler to this kid for trying to get him expelled than he is to Anya for… being short. But yeah we have a pretty big swerve from a plotting hijinks plot to a Max Keeble’s Big Move plot where this kid is trying to do everything he ever wanted before he’s forced to leave the school because his family’s company was bought out, he starts out just taking advantage of the situation but genuinely starts enjoying himself when Anya genuinely comforts him about his fears and the punch line for all this should be ridiculously obvious for how they spread this joke over ten minutes but turns out his family’s only gonna be like 10% less rich and effectively nothing will change for him. The second plot is about Yor parkouring her way into Anya’s school after she believes Anya forgot her gym clothes, it’s pretty damn funny how Yor always jumps to the most extreme conclusion and thus takes the most extreme actions and the obvious punchline for this one isn’t as dragged out as the other so that’s cool, plus it ends with her and Loid going on a lunch date so that’s pretty nice, like they kinda skip over Loid explaining to Yor WHY she’s not a bad mother but I assume they discuss it at lunch so it’s fine.

Inuyasha: Naraku’s Baby-heart has just kinda nestled in at a new castle town where all the attendants died while the Lady was going into labor and the Lady’s just like ‘man that baby is sus and everyone died’ but the Lord’s just like ‘oh shit, free baby’ and assumes it’s his wife despite it being perfectly albino and them being generic feudal dudes, like even the Lady is like ‘I’m not sure that’s mine and there was a ghost girl with a mirror that was standing over me while I was giving birth but I’m sure it’s fine…’ I mean technically Kanna didn’t even need to keep the mom alive but Baby!Naraku does like snuggling some titties I guess so it’s okay, but like did they… kill the real baby she was having? Like Naraku’s up to some dark shit but that’s pretty dark for a shonen from the 90s. Anyway Kagome’s here to save Kikyo and her Shikikami are like ‘do you wanna save her?’ and Kagome’s like ‘is there literally any downside to doing so?’ and they say no so she’s like ‘well duh’ because Kagome’s character is literally built around always wanting to help people. I like to think that since the two kids are Kikyo’s Shikikami they’re projecting Kikyo’s self-esteem issues onto Kagome and asking here that like she may just want to let her die but Kagome’s a good girl so of course she will. I think the filler episode with Kikyo and Kagome in the cave kinda came and ate this one’s lunch because we’ve already had the ‘Kagome has complicated feelings about Kikyo but doesn’t want her to literally die’ moral and it always felt weird to retread it here even if this one is the canon version. Kagome dives in to save Kikyo and gets the abridged version of the two part special from a few weeks ago and gets to do her Rifftracks of ‘No Kikyo don’t go in there that’s where the demon spider is’ which is kinda funny but yeah, Kikyo gets saved and talks to Kagome again about why she saved her when all she’s ever been to her is a romantic rival and a cold-hearted zombie girl stringing along her boyfriend and Kagome’s so dense she doesn’t even get that letting her rival die was an option until after Kikyo leaves, like I hesitate to call Kagome ‘pure-hearted’ like they said when she was having her confrontation with the Baby but she’s a good girl and isn’t going to even think of doing something like that. Now we get our post-Kikyo ‘Kagome’s kinda snippy for a while and Inuyasha doesn’t know how to deal with it’ but it does get a nice resolution with Inuyasha saying he trusts Kagome that she saved Kikyo and her being alive and fine is enough for right now and he doesn’t need to see her right away because Kagome did a good job saving her and they have shit to do.

Yu Yu Hakusho: This one’s kind of a ‘Yusuke mopes around’ episode because Raizen’s three messengers give him a week to get his affairs in order and of course he waits till the last fucking day to tell anybody. Meanwhile Hiei and Kurama have become big enough demon world celebrities that they get offers from the other two Demon Kings and they both agree to each other to not actually serve their respective kings but kinda go undercover and see what they can find out, though Hiei also gives his usual ‘maybe this is the time I betray you for real’ shtick even though at this point we know it never is. Also Kuwabara’s getting ready to face the greatest Demon King of all… high school entrance exams (Always really found it fucking weird how Japan breaks up high school but I guess in the end it’s just adding one year to middle school and cutting one from High School it just always threw me off when anime characters are like ‘yeah I’m 15 in middle school). But yeah, Yusuke does finally tell Keiko that he’s going and he won’t know if he can get back and she tells him she’s sick of his shit and isn’t going to wait around for him even though she probably couldn’t help doing so anyway. Yusuke comes by her family diner and gives her a better proposal, literally, he says he’s gonna use all his shonen protagonist determination to find a way to get back before he’s 18 and he’s going to marry her, which is apparently something he used to say all the time as a kid, guess Yusuke wasn’t always a closed-off as he was at the start of the series, at least around Keiko but yeah it’s really cute and he reassures her everything will be alright and gets ready to head out.

Jujutsu Kaisen: So Megumi, Riceball Boy and Blind Dude are fighting Hanami, well sort of, they’re basically trying for a stunlock loop to run away enough to go get help and it works until Riceball Boy runs out of words to shout but Maki’s here to help so she and Megumi fight Hanami off for a bit and more importantly knock her into the forest, just when it looks like she has them dead to rights with her Kurama death seeds, Yuji gets his first Shonen Protagnist post-training badass entrance and storms in with Todo, a classic. Todo gets Panda to get the others to safety and tells Yuji he ain’t gonna do shit until he sees Yuji do the new thing they talk about. So yeah Yuji gets a new punch which I can only describe as kinda like Hit’s Time Skip punch mixed with Kakashi’s Kamui distortion but also a punch, idk if I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around the power system or if the fast pace of the anime is bad at explaining them but I don’t quite understand the full extent of some of these, but point being Yuji has a new punch and it’s a black punch so it’s automatically better than all other color punches. So yeah now that Yuji can do a thing Todo joins in and they have the weird symmetrical choreography of those High School Musical kids that can break out in dance at a moment’s notice and do some fucking up of Hanami who unleashes her second arm because no one in Shonent Anime who has an eye/appendage covered is actually injured they’re all just hiding badass shit they have on their body parts. She remembers Mahito telling her about how violence is part of a Cursed Spirit’s base nature despite how Hanami acts like a rational version of Captain Planet and she agrees that fighting people with both arms and being matched blow for blow makes her enjoy fighting. Also Todo’s gonna do his secret thing now so that’s cool.

Zom 100: Reflecting on his decision to follow his childhood dream last episode Akira decides to… become a superhero, I mean okay, guess ‘find what you wanted to do before capitalism shoved you down a money pipeline’ is kind of hard so you’re probably gonna have to go back to when you’re like six to actually get there, though the end result is pretty cool. They get a jumpsuit from the aquarium that is meant to resist shark attacks so while Akira’s wearing it it’s basically impossible for zombie bites to infect him (though it still hurts like hell). I kinda really like this idea because we run into our Risk Analyst Shizuka again and it shows how Akira with his out of the box deranged thinking came up with something safer than her boneheaded plan of getting on the teacher’s bus from Highschool of the Dead was. That being said she’s still tsundere as hell and pulls the ‘you’re just being a hero for the satisfaction of it’ card like that isn’t how good deeds universally work anyway. Like this is probably the safest Akira could be but the marginal risk he’s putting Kencho in still pisses her off despite her goal-oriented thought process not analyzing her idea of getting on a bus with the worst group of zombie survivors properly. Anyway the plot dumps a zombie shark with scuba diver spider legs on the situation and that goes about as well as you’d expect. I think what’s going on is that the shark ate zombies and the zombies ate the shark from the inside and also just so happen to have symmetrical leg holes and be working in unison with the shark despite not being able to see from inside but best not to think about it too hard. Shizuka gets thrown under the bus by one of said bus-riders and Akira has to help her out and we run through the whole ‘live versus survive’ debate again but both of them team up to electrocute the shark with flashlight batteries while Akira’s standing in water which I’m pretty sure would kill him too or not work at all but really fight a stupid problem with a stupid solution so it’s fine, Kencho’s ass even gets to help out and while Shizuka doesn’t officially join the party she at least concedes that working with a small task force is better than throwing in with any randos who own a bus and she and Akira make a pretty good team so they exchange phone numbers. Meanwhile Akira sets his next goal, to see his family who are in a rural town around where the safe zone is supposed to be, so that’ll be fun.

Ranking of Kings: We start off with Ouken stabbing right through Kage after he swallowed him which I feel like should’ve been the cliffhanger last time instead of putting weight on if Kage had some weird man-eating transformation or something. Daida!Bosse finishes telling Snake Guy the story of Miranjo’s horrible backstory and the long and the short of it is she got her hands cut off and her face flayed open like how Daida found her in the sunken place and Bosse got her fixed up but that damage was never undone and he blames himself for never being able to help her soul heal. Now Ouken has everyone dead to rights and stabs Bojji for good measure, though surprisingly Miranjo leaves her mirror and possesses one of the unconscious prisoners to heal Kage. Despa grabs her arm and is touching Bojji at the same time so they both get to watch Kage about to cross over to see his dead mom again before Miranjo reminds him of Bojji and he comes back to life. He says he shouldn’t thank her because it’s her fault she let a Dark Souls Man into the kingdom and got him stabbed but he thanks her anyway and the combination of events causes Miranjo’s wounded avatar in Daida’s body to disappear, showing those wounds in her soul and her resentment is finally starting to evaporate. Meanwhile the Big Four show up to fight Ouken and Snake Guy, Sword Guy, Shield Guy and Spear Guy all work as a team as they were presumably intended to before all the dark souls mirror Get Out bodysnatching shenanigans happened, it kind reminds me of the Furious Five vs Tai-Lung fight in Kung Fu Panda because like you know they’re gonna lose but the teamwork is cool to see. Still oddly enough Ouken is able to remember Despa’s lessons and turn the tables on them, so I guess there is part of his soul still in there after all, idk if this means he’s starting to heal too or what, still it’s a good time.

Vinland Saga: Thorfinn wakes up from his post-flight nap and finds his arms bending the wrong fucking way so Thorkell tells him a story about Thors while Askeladd sets his arm and they wait for his ears to stop ringing. So Thorkell’s Thorfinn’s mom’s uncle and as we know Thors was really good at killing people until one day he’s like ‘man I don’t wanna kill people anymore’ and fakes his own death. Apparently three months after that, Thorkell’s bumming around Thors’ house in a battleboner-induced state of depression and finds Thors and Helga and baby Ylva sneaking into the house to get some of their shit I guess before going to Iceland. Thorkell tries to convince him to come a’murdering again but Thors shuts him down and kinda doesn’t explain his new pacifist lifestyle very well and instead makes it sound like he just doesn’t think Thorkell’s hot shit and beats him down bare-handed. Meanwhile Askeladd tries being the Doc Louis to Thorfinn’s Little Mac and tells him how to beat Thorkell based on how he saw him downed in a big battle previously. So they go for round two and Thorfinn’s down an arm and in a lot of pain but thanks to some help from Askeladd he manages to land a hit to Thorkell’s jaw which if you know anything about fighting pretty much scrambles anyone’s brain for a few seconds (kinda accurate to the Little Mac analogy too) and disregarding all Askeladd’s advice to think before he fights, Thorfinn just jumps Thorkell’s body and jams his eye out with his bare hand. His men at this point are like ‘oh shit wait Thorkell wasn’t supposed to lose’ and jump Thorfinn to kill him anyway, luckily Thorkell’s a more honorable man than Askeladd is and is actually willing to honor the duel, though his men aren’t having it and still want Thorfinn dead. I mean yeah Thorkell’s men kinda interfered but so did Askeladd and Thorfinn was unconscious for a minute too so at this point they have one assist and one brief nap each so I’d make them as tied but Thorkell’s had enough and concedes defeat so it’s up to him I guess. Meanwhile Canute shows up and is just like ‘Yo my dad never loved me and I don’t fear death so I’mma go kill him so either kill me or get out of my fucking way’ and this new show of ballsiness does impress Thorkell and even Askeladd admits he killed Ragnar and offers his life to Canute which Canute takes and the whole team joins the party to go kill the king, awesome. It’s kind of funny like that whole shakeup, we find out Bjorn’s alive, the two brother guys are alive (though the one is in shock and may have amnesia) Priest dude’s alive, Askeladd’s alive, basically all the named characters are still alive and we just traded Askeladd’s mooks for Thorkell’s mooks, except… The Ear I guess? Was anyone’s favorite character The Ear? If so rip I guess but yeah for how earth-shattering that conflict was surprisingly little has changed as far as party structure goes.

[kosmic-songbird]

Once I started writing this it basically turned into a journal entry of me working out the twisted mythology of my family so be warned. I guess I need a tag for that to cause this isn't necessarily #badbrain material. Maybe #spaghettithoughts? Cause its winding with no order or direction and immensely tangled. Idk. It'll do for now. Back to the post.

So, I made it through my trip back home. I actually had so much fun. The Bad Ghost™ only phased me a little but the other ghost was very sweet and hung out with me a lot. Walking along the ridgeline of the family pond, backstory underneath, really broke the depression cycle for a moment and made me feel alive again

↓↓↓

(backstory: the pond is very large, 80ish acres and is spring fed. It has a spillway to keep the water circulated and it turns out to a waterfall that feeds our local creek. My great grandpa Otto originally dug it out by hand and once he was too old to manage upkeep it reverted back to a valley between ridges--spillways break, it had no circulation pipe. Everyone in my hometown calls this area The Valley. Florida is pretty flat so this area that is hilly and has Ridgelines is pretty rare. It's actually pretty cool cause the name for the creek and valley is the name of one of the Lower Muskogee chiefs that lived in that area. It's distinct from the Muscogee Nation in Oklahoma. Essentially our people were removed to over there, so that group still has a larger tribal presence than what was left over here. Like I've mentioned before, my native ancestry is not super high and I look white as all hell but, our culture is dying so I'll keep it alive in my private life and support other native tribes with native people that are actually oppressed, as well as learning my heritage, the language, keeping up my relationship with the Deer Woman or Eco Hoktē, etc. to keep it alive for me and my family. My papa ferrel, who is a problematic man but eh family is family I guess, made me promise to learn the language and teach it and while I am learning it, idk if I'll ever be able to teach it or if I'd even be a good person to do so. Like i said, I'm federally considered native American but I am blonde and blue-eyed and definitely a recipient of every privilege that brings. Anyways, back to the pond, my dad loved my great grandpa Otto so much, because my great grandparents pretty much loved him the moment my mom, their granddaughter, introduced him to them. My grandma Bill--her name was Wilma but Grandpa Otto lovingly called her this so we all did too--called my dad Sampson cause he's a big guy. I mean really lorge. 6'5" broad and 290. Yes, me and my brothers are giants. She also called him Stebens instead of Steven and tbh I miss her so much. I had her and my Great Grandma Dottie--Dorothy, but we love nicknames in this family-- until I was 12. Grandma Dottie and Grandma Bill actually lived across the road from each other for 40 years, and then they loved across the hall from each other in the same nursing home until they passed, literally 2 months apart from one another..

I think about that a lot actually. Their kids had married and had a nasty split but they remained so close. That's a beautiful kind of love. I'm circling back to the pond, promise. But yeah, my dad had been told about the pond by grandpa Otto and when I was very little decided that he would resurrect it. I was kind of a miracle baby? I, like, nearly killed my mom and should have died so many times over. My mom thought she had a miscarriage but when it was all said and done my heartbeat was still there, I was a month premature, and born deaf--i hear just fine now tho!--so at the time my mom had just, miraculously, given birth to my little brother. My grandpa Otto had passed right before and, since he had practically raised my mother while my papa ferrel was having his deadbeat dad era, my mom was suffering emotionally. She has taken care of him until he passed, even while pregnant. I mean she provided hospice nurse level care to him. She's problematic too but I love her and hope I can one day be as strong, selfless, and courageous as she is. Just minus the martyr syndrome. And my dad's dad, grandpa Gary, had passed a few years before I was born. Him and my dad loved to fish. Really loved it. But after grandpa Gary passed my dad just, he couldn't bring himself to do it anymore. So, seeing as he had a new son and little girl that literally was attached to his hip, he figured, maybe, he could try to fish again. And since my mom was grieving my grandpa Otto's death immensely the idea came to him to fix the pond. It would be a gift to her, giving her a small piece of grandpa Otto back, and a gift to himself by letting him have a place to do with us what he loved to do so much with his father, and a gift to us. He was determined to make the pond better than ever and sturdier. He wanted to give everyone something that would last. So he got his friend and neighbor that does heavy machinery, his friend that was a well driller, and anyone else he could find to help and designed the new layout. Now, the pond is fed from a branch upstream and the spring underneath. It has a pipe to circulate flow and a spillway to also facilitate flow and not bother the natural ecosystem since there originally was a branch there. They also dug out a road to it, tho it's precarious as hell and scary lol. They left trees standing so that the fish would have places to hide and bed... it was extremely well thought out and kind of amazing, honestly. Ik a lot of people don't have the kind of privilege I do to have access to something like this all to ourselves so like, be aware that's not lost on me. Once the water rose, it needed fish, so my dad taught 4 year old me how to fish by taking me to local ponds, the creek, the lake to catch fish and then release them into the pond. It's... it's some of my earliest memories actually. This backstory is getting long and out of hand, but the big take away is that our pond is one of the best places of my childhood and being there, after feeling isolated and lonely in a new state really did some good for my soul)

↓↓↓

So, walking the overgrown Ridgeline of something I helped to build as a child, 20 years later, it fixed something broke in me. The friend I recently... Well, the sister I am estranged from, her father helped build that pond too. He was the well driller. He has since passed and make no mistake, he was a bad man. I think a lot of trauma stems from him and the fact she still hasn't grieved him, come to terms with who he was and that, maybe, she still loved him even in hate. I've had to do that with living family. My mom is strong but she pushed me to "Be the great woman God has made you to be. You were no accident, but a miracle, and I know you are capable of more than this." My dad has the biggest heart but he's narcissistic at times and he yelled. He was scary. He still does sometimes. And, tbh, the greatest healing for our relationship has been distance. He's always excited to see me and cherishes our time together now. So there's no criticism and yelling or arguing anymore. He just appreciates me as a strong woman he helped to raise. Same for mom. She understands now that her and dad and other things probably brought on my bipolar or, at the very least, made it worse. She gets that sometimes I don't have it in me to Be Great™. And so when I struggle now, she doesn't yell or guilt me, she listens and understands. It's... It's nice. It's nice to be able to wholly love my family again, despite their flaws. So maybe I'm too harsh on her, huh? She's a bad person, but so was her dad, and she didn't get to grow up and have him finally grow up and act better too, did she? But that's not an excuse, I suppose. Her father was beaten senselessly by her grandpa and thats how him and dad became close as brothers, he lived with him and my grandparents when his father was too violent to withstand. But her father was still a bad man. Serial cheater, literally ran drugs for the cartel (yes, mexico to Florida. how? I haven't the faintest clue) violent himself, addict, and probably more. My dad has cut him off too, right before he died. He has come to the house tweaking and my dad took him outside and said if he ever endangered his children that way again he would kill him and then they were estranged. He came over one last time the week before he died. It was the first time they spoke since and he apologized. He died the next week. My dad went to the pond by himself and came back so distraught that his eyes had swelled shut. I'll never forget that. But, when everything happened with her, I asked my dad if he would do it again. And he told me he would, without a second thought. His friend was endangering me and my little brothers; no matter how much he loves him he loves us more. And we all have a choice to be better. We all can be better. And so he told me not to fret too much. "She'll come around," he promised, "And even if something happened, because I know that's what you're actually asking, Avery, yeah you would regret it. I still do. But the regret could never outweigh the happiness you and your mom and your brothers have given me. I still miss him, but I'd do it again for you. Regret will not kill you, even if it hurts."

So I'm still hurting. I am. I'm still massively hurting. I'm fucking bleeding like cardiac wound, but I'd do it again. I was miserable. I was tired. I couldn't watch her sabotage herself over and over and over again. And when she told me that we weren't even close. That she was "just too broken to trust me, to be close to me" I lost it. I'd never felt more betrayed or worthless or just... Used. I would have done anything for her, and I did. I mustered the strength to let her know she was being a bitch, letting her borderline rule her life, and hurting me and others and herself. I removed myself from our attached hips with all the precision of a chainsaw in an army medics hands but I did it. I loved her enough to let her know what consequences are, even if it hurt me too. Even if I'm lonely and grieving and bleeding. I'm always fucking bleeding. I love people too much and too hard and it leaves me shattered and bleeding. Love breaks my bones. And I laugh. All that poetic nonsense that just can be summed up in a phrase.

I'm still bleeding.

But, when I sat on the ponds edge and watched the sun rise, I felt whole. The bleeding quelled, for a moment. I saw that even if my father had to go through pain and agony for his friendship with her dad, only for it to end, well, something beautiful still came out of it. And maybe, maybe I can find a way to turn this mess of blood into something beautiful too. So I'm going to get out of bed, even though I really wish I could stay in it forever and get dressed. I'm going to take care of the house I share with the love of my life and pet my dogs and cat. I'll water the orchids and apply for some jobs. I'll draw and I'll give an offering to my spirits. I'll think about how my boyfriend didn't like God of War that much the first time he played it, but when he played it for me (because I like game storylines but am terrifically bad at playing a lot of games) he watched the way I laughed, the way I gasped, and the way I cried so many times and he found a love for the game. Because of a love for me. I'm going to hold on to the way love weaves itself in the oddest of places. In a game, in a pond, in my heart. Kratos said to be better, and I will.

Ik no one will read this and that's okay. It's... It's easier to journal when it feels like I'm telling someone a story. Or explaining something. Or even just having a conversation. It makes it bearable. Thanks for listening.

[magg0t-bible]

ask and ye shall receive! here is my rather long list of evidence, buckle up:

Jon's parents died when he was "too young to remember them" (MAG81) which means they could be anyone, they might not have even died when he thought they did

he mentions his grandma who looked after him was bitter towards him due to her "sadness over her own lost son" (MAG81) which could've been Eric

y'know who else's dad died when he was a very young child? Gerry Keay. (MAG111) so if we're assuming Gerry and Jon are around the same age, this lines up

Eric and Gertrude worked at the Magnus Institute together, so they may well have had an "ill-advised hookup" (paraphrasing Tim) that resulted in Jon's birth

they likely knew that their child would be in great danger being so heavily Eye and End-marked, so that would explain why they tried to distance themselves from him

Eric says in his statement (MAG154), "I left to avoid dragging my family, my son into this life, to try to look after him." in context this is obviously about Gerry, but he clearly cares for his children, so it would make sense that he would also try to protect Jon (especially since Mary would have some choice words to say about the hookup as she doesn't really like the Magnus Institute or The Eye)

Jonah claims he chose Jon as the Archivist through "his own rotten luck" and that "it's not in [his] blood" (MAG160), but Jonah doesn't exactly have the best track record for telling the truth

interesting that the one Entity Jon ~happened~ to already be marked by was the Entity that had secretly been more in control than The Eye the whole time (The Web)

he hits it off with Gerry very quickly (MAG111), almost like they're siblings or something

Jurgen Leitner tells Jon he reminds him of Gertrude (MAG80)

Jon often says he doesn't want to be like Gertrude and there are few things the average adult fears more than turning into their parents

not evidence so much as an interesting thought, Gertrude's voice actor is Jon's voice actor's mother (though don't follow this train of thought too far because you'll end up with 'Leitner is Jon's dad' and I don't think that, though I guess it's possible)

I could go on but that more or less covers it. anyway I am so normal about this podcast I swear

No one:

Me: WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR MY THEORY ABOUT GERTRUDE ROBINSON AND ERIC DELANO BEING THE ARCHIVIST’S REAL PARENTS

[adlbeay]

I wanted to talk about the themes in the Walk in the Dust event. The story of Arknights has always had a high level of thematic consistency, but it’s especially prominent in this event. I feel like a lot of the discussion of the story in certain places comes down to “lore” and surface-level plot details, so I wanted to get this out there somewhere.

The two big ideas that are covered in Walk in the Dust are that of revenge and the homeland. Let's talk about revenge first. Long post and story spoilers under the cut.

In the beginning, we are introduced to Elliot, aka Passenger, who by the time we meet him, is an aimless husk of a man. He is utterly empty inside despite being the most powerful figure in the Reefsteep black  market, with vast wealth and political influence under his thumb. Having completed his decades-long quest to slay everyone who was involved in betraying his teacher, he has no more goals for his life. After killing  the Lord Ameer of Ibut, the last of his targets, he realizes that the revenge he had been pursuing was ultimately empty, that the weapons he built and the schemes he engineered to that end no longer moved him. Even the death of the Lord Ameer didn't matter one bit in the political landscape of Sargon.

As for the Sargon army... We live in different times now. The ruling  Padishahs simply care not about what is happening here in this barren  wasteland. My guess is that it matters not to them whether it's the  father or the son that's in charge. Actually, to tell the truth, it  hardly matters to me either.

Ultimately, no one cared if the Lord Ameer was murdered or simply  died in an accident, not even Elliot himself. Sargon continues to be exploited by the Columbian military and the ruling Lords. Professor Thorne remains dead. His research, once entrusted to Elliot to prevent  it from becoming a weapon of war, has nonetheless been used by Elliot  himself to bring even more death. Now, 22 years later, Passenger sees  finding Kal'tsit as his only path to salvation, so that she can once  again give him a purpose like she did when she rescued him the first time.

Folinic's mom, Lillia, also shares the same kind of story. Her husband was killed in Chernobog when the count decided to purge the researchers working on the sarcophagus device. Among the children of the families broken up by this incident are Lyudmila (later Crownslayer), Alex and Misha (later Skullshatterer), and Luisa (later Folinic). Lillia finds Kal'tsit after months of searching, intending to take revenge on  Grand Duke Vanya not just for her husband, but also for Luisa, who never got to know her father because of it. Kal'tsit tries to talk her out of  it, even during the final phases of the plan, but Lillia's mind is set.  She entrusts Kal'tsit with taking care of both Luisa and Lyudmila, as  she knows she won't be able to come back to live a normal life after  this. And... she succeeds. Although it is Kal'tsit who ultimately administered the poison, their plan works flawlessly and Duke Vanya is finally dead.

Except it still ended up being completely meaningless. The Grand Duke was in a glorified nursing home already near the end of his life, and if Kal'tsit didn't kill him then some other conspirator from the Ursus  political backstage would have done it anyway. He was already crippled and blind, and as we find out during the confrontation with the Emperor's Blade, even Kal'tsit only agreed to Lillia's plan because it  defused the conspiracies of other powerful figures who would have used  the Duke's death to spark another rebellion. The only thing that Lillia ended up accomplishing was making sure that Louisa would grow up without both a mother and a father, and Lyudmila would never get the answers she really wanted about her family's death. And, although she ended up not doing it, she was even also planning to go back to Chernobog to kill  Sergei, Alex and Misha's father, for his betrayal.

And this carries on through the future outside the event. Crownslayer ends up joining Reunion because she thinks it will give her the answers  she wants and avenge her father. Folinic almost lets her anger at Atro's death get her into a confrontation with Wolumonde. In the end, Crownslayer is stopped by Kal'tsit and Folinic is calmed down by  Suzuran, but we might be able to imagine what would have happened if  they managed to carry out their vengeance.

The theme of homeland is one that's intrinsically tied to Kal'tsit and has at least a bit of relation to the broader story outside of the event. It's harder to talk about since it's not clearly  split into individual stories like previously, but there's at least one character that exemplifies this theme the most: Old Isin.

Old Isin is appropriately to his name, old as rocks. He remembers being a servant to some lord of a long-lost city that very few even know once existed, and spends his time telling fortunes while trying to seek out people who, like him, also share that past. According to Kal'tsit, the city's people were scattered when it was destroyed, and now only Isin even remembers the origin of the name "Reefsteep". Even then, Isin only has vague memories, and believes it to be his unforgivable sin that  he has forgotten so much about the city.

Old Isin originally helps Kal'tsit and Elliot because he hopes that  she can help him remember about the lost city, and thus absolve his  "unforgivable sin". And Kal'tsit indeed does help him. Isin begins to recall the conquests of armies a thousand years ago, something even with  his age he should not have been a part of, much less remembered.  Kal'tsit dispels the illusions clouding his memory, and reveals that  what Isin remembers is only the stories that the padishah recounted to  him, that the glory of his old city was only a memory of another memory. In truth, the city in Old Isin's memory was merely a stepping stone for the padishah's ambition to conquer the uncharted deserts, and was abandoned just as easily when that campaign failed. His homeland's glory was just an illusion created in his mind by the padishah's charisma.

Which brings us to the Emperor's Blade. Wherever he stands is the dominion of the Empire of Ursus. Whatever he does carries out the Ursus Emperor's will. Or at least, that's how the Royal Guards imagine themselves, single-handedly carrying out their homeland's legacy. Kal'tsit lays it out clearly:

Kal'tsit: Tell me, what does the current Ursus Emperor think of the Pine Valley affair? Or do you mean to tell me the seeds of that uprising, the origins of the crisis were all the will of the Emperor? Feel free to keep deceiving yourself, but the truth is the young emperor is unaware of the events that transpired there. You believe he has no  need to know. You... all of you seek a bygone era. You are just caught up in the former emperor's grand vision!

As does Patriot in Chapter 8:

Patriot: I fought with your fathers. Your strength and tactical acumen are no less impressive than theirs. But you look at the Ursus of those times with rose-colored glasses. What you see is nothing more than your wild fantasies.

The Royal Guards are described in not too unclear words as soldiers  who probably believed too much of their own grandiose affect. They are unparalleled fighters, to be sure, but it isn't hard to infer that those words about executing Ursus's will and each Royal Guard being his own nation are words intended to strike fear into their enemies rather than  statements of any real truth. Indeed, if you know anything about the internal politics of Ursus, the idea of "Ursus's own will" can be seen as more of a nostalgia at a bygone era when Ursus was, or at least seemed, united in conquest under the previous Emperor. The perceived glory of their homeland is what motivates the Emperor's Blade, but like with Old Isin, the truth behind it is shaky at best.

We also have the contrast between the retired veteran at Pine Valley  and Grand Duke Vanya. While talking to Witte, the veteran cuts off one of his own fingers, claiming that the scars he has suffered in Ursus's wars, once considered symbols of his glory and honor, were ultimately meaningless, and he wants this self-inflicted wound to be his only legacy to Ursus. At the same time, the Grand Duke is postulating about how the seeds he had sown in the winter would give birth to beautiful flowers. Even though his actions and the crimes he committed never bore fruition, he is convinced even in death that Ursus's soil will bloom.

The issue of a real or imagined homeland, and its loss, is also  shared by the Sarkaz as a whole not only in this story but in the main story and many other events. It's even arguable that Rhodes Island's mission to help the Infected was originally inherited from Babel's goal of establishing a stable homeland for the Sarkaz. After all, as pointed  out in many places, the Infected and Sarkaz share much of the same discrimination.

Sarkaz Mercenary: Home...? How could us devils... us Infected possibly have one... Kal'tsit: The Sarkaz have tried to rebuild 'Kazdel', their home for centuries, though they have never succeeded. Everyone has a different idea as to what the term 'homeland' means, but as it stands right now,  Kazdel is perhaps as close as you can get to the term's original meaning.

And in Twilight of Wolumonde:

Armed Infected: We’re going home? To what home?

Mudrock: Kazdel. There may be no place for Sarkaz outside of Kazdel.  But in Kazdel, there is a place for you. Not because of tolerance. But because there is... nothing there. Kazdel... is where the homeless go. A land of rootless people.

So what does all this have to do with Kal'tsit?

In the ending cutscene, Passenger asks Kal'tsit whether this "Rhodes  Island" is yet another passing persona to be used to accomplish a goal and discarded when it's complete. Like the persona of the Trusted  Advisor, or the Servant, or the Laterano Cleric, will she abandon Rhodes  Island as well? Kal'tsit initially puts up a front saying he has no  right to ask, then bluffs about having thousands of answers, but is pushed by Passenger saying he'll even accept a lie. In one of the only times we get to see Kal'tsit faltering, she actually has no answer to this.

Unlike the other characters we see throughout the story, Kal'tsit has no homeland. No matter how fake or illusory it is, Old Isin and the Royal Guard have something to believe about a place where they can belong. The nobles in Victoria, as incompetent as they appear from the outside, are dedicated to defending the peace of their home despite having no ruler. Even the ostracized Sarkaz can ultimately go back to Kazdel, as unpleasant as that might be. But while Kal'tsit wanders the earth to keep the homelands of others from falling into chaos, she has no homeland of her own to go back to.

In one of the trailers for Chapter 9, we hear a recording from Theresa, addressed to Kal'tsit: "I hope this Rhodes Island can be a place to call home, a place you can always return to."

[btsqualityy]

Magnolias in Springtime

Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Arranged marriage!AU, ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, fluff, smut, and just a smidge of angst 

Warnings: Talks of arranged marriages, brief mention of polygamy (nothing comes of it, promise lol), oral sex, fingering, unprotected sex, knotting 

Author’s Note: This fic is based on a prompt from the Spring Fest “Spring Will Come Again” hosted by @bangtanarmynet​! I really hope you guys enjoy it! P.S: There will also be a part two to this fic so stayed tuned for that!

Prompt: While their parents discuss behind closed doors the terms of their arranged marriage to each other, they meet in the blooming garden to go over their own conditions.

Your pack was your entire life.

Growing up as what some of the elders in your pack referred to as the spoiled only child of the Pack Alpha and the Pack Omega, you were doted on by everyone. As a child, you marveled at the Alphas when they brought back the animals that they had haunted for the pack’s dinner and now as an adult, you were having Alphas dedicate those kills to you as a sign of intention to marriage. 

As a child, you tried to take notes on how the Betas seemed to be able to de-escalate any and all types of conflict, always seeming to have a solution that would placate everyone. Now that you were an adult, you found yourself going to those same Betas whenever you had conflicts with your parents or your best friends, because you knew that they would understand you. 

As a child, you thought that it was the coolest thing when you watched the Omegas essentially hold the pack together. They were the ones who gave birth, they were the ones who mostly took on child rearing and cooking (even though the Alphas and Betas in your pack always helped out as well), and they were always there when you happened to skin your knee as a child or just needed comfort. Once you became an adult and presented, you found yourself gravitating more towards the Omegas as you were also one now, and they took you under their wings as you learned just what it really meant to be an Omega. 

So in short, you loved your pack and you were extremely grateful for everything that they had taught you. Oddly enough, that gratefulness is exactly how you ended up in this situation. 

“We really appreciate the fact that you’re doing this for us Y/N,” your Alpha father, Byung-hoon told you as he, you, and your mother Deiji waited on the edge of the Kim Pack’s territory. 

“I told you that it’s fine Daddy,” you muttered, bouncing yourself up and down on the tips of your toes.

“Taking on this huge responsibility for our pack isn’t fine, but we’re grateful that you’re willing to do it,” Deiji said. Instead of answering her though, you decided to change the subject.

“Their territory really is beautiful,” you pointed out as you looked around, seeing multiple bushes of plum blossoms and azaleas. “At least I’ll have something pretty to look forward to once I move here.”

“That you will,” a deep voice added and when you turned around, you saw a large, muscular man walking towards you and following behind him was an almost equally tall woman who was easily one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen in your life. 

“Ah, hello Pack Alpha Ho-jin,” your father bowed and you and your mother followed his lead, holding the bow for a few seconds before straightening up again. 

“Hello Pack Alpha Byung-hoon,” Ho-jin replied as he and the woman bowed as well. “This is my wife, Pack Omega Eun Kyung.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Eun Kyung smiled. 

“This is my wife, Pack Omega Deiji and this is our daughter, Y/N,” Byung-hoon introduced.

“Hello,” Deiji smiled.

“Hello,” you echoed, even though your smile was a bit more forced than your mother’s.

“Oh, you are absolutely gorgeous,” Eun Kyung gushed as she stepped forward, reaching out and grabbing your hands. “Our son is a lucky man.”

“I’m sure that I am lucky as well, Pack Omega,” you replied.

“Please, call me Eun Kyung,” she corrected you. “I am going to be your mother-in-law soon.”

“Speaking of, where is Namjoon?” Your father wondered.

“He went off hunting with some of the other Alphas and Betas in our pack,” Ho-jin explained. “We plan on having a very big feast in order to celebrate their impending nuptials and he decided to go and try to find some extra meat.”

“Yeah, or to avoid meeting the wife that he doesn’t want,” you thought to yourself.

“He sounds like he’ll be an amazing provider and Alpha,” your mother smiled.

“Well, why don’t we all go into my office so that we can go over the terms and conditions of their marriage?” Ho-jin suggested before turning to look at you. “Y/N-ah, feel free to look around our territory and get a feel of the place. This will be your home soon, after all.”

“Of course,” you nodded. “Thank you.” After receiving a kiss on your head from your father and a pat on the hand from your mother, you watched silently as the four of them walk away together. As soon as they were out of sight, you let out a large rush of breath that you didn’t even realize you were holding. Even though you weren’t completely excited about this arrangement, your inner Omega wanted the parents of your future husband to like you and after meeting them, you were happy that you could seemingly not have that to worry about. 

Deciding to take your future father-in-law’s advice, you walked away from the front of their territory and ventured around. You were amazed at how vast their territory seemed to be in comparison to your pack’s, large buildings and houses searching as far as your eyes could see. As you walked, you took notice of what seemed to be a schoolhouse, a building that seemed to be a sort of meeting hall, and even a building that looked like a store front with mannequins in the window.

The thing that caught your attention though, was a large archway that was covered in gorgeous magnolia flowers. When you stepped over to it, you gasped at what laid behind it: A large wall full of nothing but magnolias stood a few feet beyond the arch, a small bench placed in front of it. 

“Gorgeous,” you whispered in awe as you stepped over to the wall, reaching out and gently touching the flowers. 

“Who are you?” A deep voice called out and you jumped up a little, your heart almost beating out of your chest as you turned around to find the source of the voice. Standing right underneath the archway, was a tall, tan skinned man whose presence seemed to command attention. 

“I-I’m Y/N L/N,” you replied, still feeling a little hesitant and the man’s eyes widened. 

“You’re Y/N?” He wondered and you nodded your head. “Well, you’re a lot prettier than I thought you’d be.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” You questioned. 

“I’m Kim Namjoon,” he said, smiling at the soft gasp that escaped you. “Your future husband.”

“Oh,” was all you could utter in response because holy shit, your future husband was hot.

“Where are your parents?” Namjoon asked as he stepped closer to you. “I assume that you didn’t come here alone.”

“Um, they’re talking to your parents about the ‘terms and conditions’ of our marriage,” you told him and he scoffed out a laugh.

“Of course they are,” he chuckled as he took a seat on the small bench. “Well, I think that while they’re doing that, you and I should probably go over our own terms and conditions.”

“Our own?” You echoed as you sat down on the bench as well.

“Seeing as though we’re both fundamentally being forced into this, I figure that there’s things that you don’t want and that you do want,” he said. 

“That’s..true, I guess,” you nodded. “You go first.”

“Well, seeing as though you weren’t raised in this pack, I’d like for you to learn the ways of the pack and just be a proper wife,” he began.

“I’ve been learning about your pack since the discussions of a possible arrangement started,” you told him. “I have to wonder though, what exactly is your definition of a ‘proper’ wife.”

“Basically, just keeping house, cooking and cleaning,” he elaborated. “As my father plans to step down once we’re married, I’ll be too busy running the pack.”

“Well, sorry to burst your bubble but I wasn’t raised to be a docile Omega and I don’t plan on becoming one once we’re married,” you huffed.

“Why not? I mean, surely you don’t expect to run the pack with me?” He laughed.

“Actually, that’s exactly what I expect,” you smiled. 

“How can you expect to lead this pack when they don’t know you?” He asked.

“Since I’m going to be here for the rest of my life, then they’ll have every opportunity to get to know me,” you shrugged. 

“We’ll talk more about that one later,” Namjoon sighed. “Anything that you wanted specifically?”

“I know that your pack is going to be providing aid to mines once we’re married and as much as I plan on being involved in this pack, I also hope that you don't expect me to never see my pack again,” you said. 

“That’s the custom when you marry into another pack though,” Namjoon pointed out. “Plus, no offense or anything, but your pack is broke in terms of both money and resources and I don’t imagine there to be much to even go back to.”

“I am my parent’s only child and my pack is very close knit so I’d love to still be able to see them and for them to come see me,” you continued. “At least three or four times a year.”

“Alright, I guess that’s reasonable,” he relented. “Especially under these circumstances.”

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

“Oh, another thing,” he said suddenly. “I know that this marriage isn’t exactly something that either of us want but you cannot have any...uh, lovers on the side.”

“I’d never do something like that,” you frowned. “But I hope you know that the same goes for you.”

“That’s fine,” Namjoon nodded. “It’s not my style anyways.”

“In addition to that, I read your pack’s history and the whole taking more than one Omega as a wife thing isn’t going to fly with me,” you stated firmly.

“It’s tradition though,” he shot back. “Every leader of this pack throughout its’ history has had more than one spouse.”

“Your father doesn’t,” you pointed out. 

“Because he didn’t want one.”

“And you do?” You demanded to know and Namjoon just chuckled.

“You really meant that whole not a docile Omega thing, huh?” He wondered and you nodded while smirking. 

“You’re going to be Pack Alpha,” you said. “You have the authority to change tradition.”

“Fine, no additional Omegas,” he agreed. “I hope that means you’re going to be willing to have lots of pups then, since that’s what the whole multiple Omegas rule was for.”

“How many?” 

“At least 5,” he replied and you just laughed.

“5 is a pretty big number coming from a man who’s not going to be pushing them out,” you giggled. “Two, at most.”

“Three?” Namjoon bargained and after thinking for a few seconds, you nodded your head. 

“Deal,” you answered. “Anything else?”

“Just one more,” he added. “No roses at our wedding.”

“What? Why?”

“They’re overrated and cliché,” he shrugged. 

“What about magnolias?” You asked. “Those are my favorites.”

“I like those,” he smiled.

“Well, it’s settled then,” you announced. “No roses.”

“You know, this marriage thing is easier than I thought,” Namjoon said thoughtfully, making you giggle at him. “Do you have anything else you wanted to bring up?”

“Nope,” you shook your head. “I’m good.”

“Shake on it?” He extended his hand out to you and you let him grab onto yours, shaking each other’s hands. 

“Namjoon?” A deep voice called out and Namjoon sighed heavily. 

“That’s my dad,” Namjoon told you. “Should we head out there?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, standing up and waiting for Namjoon to do the same before the two of you walked back towards the front of their territory. As you did so, you couldn’t help but to Namjoon hadn’t let go of your hand the entire time.

“Ah, I see that the two of you met and are getting along!” Ho-jin announced happily.

“I’d say that we are,” Namjoon nodded as he looked down at you, and you nodded as well. 

“Well, why don’t we all move into our house?” Eun Kyung suggested. “We can have dinner and get to each other more.” After receiving nods all around, the group of you began to move towards the large cluster of houses that were a few yards away from where you were currently standing. As you let Namjoon lead you, you thought that maybe all of this actually wouldn’t be so bad. 

..........................................

A few days later, your time visiting Namjoon’s pack was winding down. After the first day, your father had happily told you that the negotiations between him and Namjoon’s father went off without a hitch and that the wedding could move forward immediately so the last few days of your visit had been spent planning your wedding.

“So maybe you and Namjoon can have your ceremony closer to the evening?” Eun Kyung suggested. “So that way we can move right into the reception afterwards.” You, her and your mom were currently in the dining room of Ho-jin and Eun Kyung’s house, going over some wedding details.

“That’s a good idea,” Deiji concurred. 

“Yeah,” you agreed. “Having the ceremony around 5pm sounds good.”

“Great,” Eun Kyung smiled as she wrote some things down onto the notepad that was on the table in front of her. “A later ceremony will hopefully ease some of the anxiety you’ll have that day.”

“Anxiety?” You asked.

“About your wedding night,” Eun Kyung clarified and your eyes widened. “When Ho-jin and I got married, we had our ceremony in the early afternoon and I was so nervous waiting for the reception to come because I knew what was going to happen afterwards and I had never been to bed with anyone before.”

“Oh,” you murmured. Of course, you knew that it was expected that you’d have sex with Namjoon on your wedding night and if it were up to your parents and Namjoon’s parents, get pregnant immediately but you had done your best not to actually think about it.

“Anyways, I think maybe roses for the flowers,” Deiji changed the subject and you gave her a small smile in thanks. 

“Oh, that would be gorgeous,” Eun Kyung gasped. “Namjoon’s grandmother actually has a garden full of red roses and I’m sure that she won’t mind us using some.”

“Actually, no roses,” you spoke up and both older women looked at you.

“I thought you liked roses, Y/N-ah,” Deiji said.

“I do, but Namjoon doesn’t,” you explained. “We agreed on magnolias instead.”

“You both agreed?” Deiji repeated and you nodded your head, making her smile. “That’s great.”

“You know, it’s so nice to see you actually trying to make the best of this whole thing Y/N,” Eun Kyung said. “I know it’s not ideal and you could be fighting this tooth and nail but the fact that you’re not says a lot about your character.”

“Thank you,” you smiled lightly. 

“Alright, magnolias it is,” Eun Kyung muttered as she wrote that down onto her notepad as well. Before the conversation could continue any further though, there was a sudden knock and when you looked up, you saw Namjoon standing in the door way to the dining room. 

“Hey, you all back from hunting so soon?” Eun Kyung wondered, referring to how Ho-jin, Namjoon, and Byung-hoon had decided to go off and hunt right after lunch. 

“Animals weren’t really out,” Namjoon shrugged. “Dad wanted to show Pack Alpha Byung-hoon our warehouse and I decided to come back here to spend time with Y/N.”

“With me?” You echoed in awe and Namjoon nodded.

“I wanted to show you around a little more, if you’re willing,” he offered. Before answering, you looked over at your mother who immediately waved her hands at you.

“Go, go,” she encouraged you. “We’re here for another two days so we can pick this up again later. Right, Eun Kyung?”

“Absolutely,” she agreed, turning to look at Namjoon after. “Show her the river.”

“I got it Mom,” Namjoon chuckled. “Y/N?”

“Sure,” you replied before standing up, walking over to Namjoon and grabbing his outstretched hand. 

“We’ll be back by dinner,” he called out to your mothers before turning around and leading you through the living room and out of the house. 

“Thanks for getting me out of there,” you said as the two of you walked down the front steps and began to walk away from the cluster of houses. “All that wedding planning was starting to get to my head.”

“I figured, which is why I got out of there right after lunch,” Namjoon laughed. “But I also genuinely wanted to spend some time with you too. It feels like I haven’t had a moment alone with you since the first day you got here.”

“I think our families are making sure of that,” you pointed out. “I think they’re afraid that we may realize that we hate each other if they leave us alone together for too long.”

“I think that’s actually a great assumption,” he chuckled. “They don’t have to worry about that though, at least not on my end.”

“Mines either,” you murmured shyly. “So, where are you taking me?”

“Well, even though my mom suggested that I take you to the river, I think that there’ll be plenty of time for you to see that later,” he told you. “I actually want to show you something that I’ve been working on.”

“Cool,” you nodded as the two of you continued to walk and you noticed that he was still holding onto your hand. On their territory, there were a few different clusters of houses and Namjoon was leading you over to a different one, stopping in front of what seemed to be the largest house. 

“What do you think?” Namjoon asked and you took a second to look over the outside, liking how it was painted a light brown color, had a large porch that already had a swing attached to the ceiling of it, and a large set of stairs. 

“I think it’s beautiful,” you smiled. “You built this?”

“Yeah, for us,” he revealed and you looked over at him in shock. “What? I hope you didn’t think we’d be living with my parents once the wedding is over.”

“Namjoon, I don’t even know what to say,” you murmured in awe.

“Want to take a look inside?” Namjoon wondered, reaching down and pulling a set of keys out of his pocket. You nodded your head rapidly and he chuckled before leading you up the stairs and unlocking the front door. Walking inside, you let out another soft gasp as you looked around. 

As soon as you walked into the front door, there was a little open space which could be used to place your shoes and jackets and then a staircase that led upstairs to the second level of the house. On your left hand side, there was an archway that lead into the dining room and kitchen and then on your right hand side, there was another archway that lead into the living room and another room that Namjoon said he planned on converting into a study. Once you went upstairs, you saw that there were a total of five bedrooms and the master bedroom was the largest and complete with an en suite as well. 

“I love it,” you gushed as you turned to look at Namjoon, who was leaning up against one of the walls in what would soon be your shared bedroom. 

“I thought I’d leave the decorating up to you,” he said. “That way you’ll have control over something here.”

“Good, because I already have ideas,” you grinned, deciding to throw caution to the wind and walking over to him, not waiting for him to ask what you were doing before throwing your arms around him. He hesitated for a second before hugging you back as well, and the two of you stood there for a few seconds with your arms around each other. 

“I’m happy that you like it,” he whispered and you craned your neck in order to look up at him. 

“I really appreciate it,” you told him.

“Anything for my future wife,” he smiled and it was when he said that that you realized how close the two of you still were. You dropped your arms from around him and stepped back, forcing him to let go of you as well. Feeling your cheeks warm up from embarrassment, you turned your back towards him and walked over towards the window to look outside.

“You know Y/N, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Namjoon began. “Why did you agree to all of this?”

“What, marrying you?” You asked for clarification and Namjoon nodded.

“I mean, I know the basic reason why but I feel like there’s more to it than that,” he said. “A lot of packs run out of money and resources at some point but their leaders usually figure something out instead of marrying off their children in return for more resources.”

“True,” you sighed before turning to look at him over your shoulder. “Long story short, I don’t want my pack to die out just because of my father’s mismanagement. I love every member of my pack and they have all been so vital to how I grew up and how I’ve become the person that I am. If me marrying into another pack will guarantee that those people can continue to live comfortably, then I’ll do it.”

“That’s incredibly selfless,” Namjoon replied as he walked over to stand next to you. 

“I guess so,” you shrugged. “But to me, I’m just repaying the people who gave me so much.”

“That’s amazing Y/N,” he muttered. 

“What about you?” You reversed the question. “Why did you agree to this?”

“Well, my reasoning was a lot more selfish than yours,” he chuckled. “It’s always been my dream to lead the pack and when my father came to me a few months ago saying that he was getting ready to want to step down, I was super excited. However, it concerned him that I’m 26 and not mated to anyone yet so he made it a stipulation that I meet someone and get mated before he allows me to take over for him. Since I planned on getting married at some point in my life, that stipulation really didn’t matter to me so I agreed.”

“Ah, I guess that explains why you weren’t too keen on me wanting to run the pack with you,” you said.

“Kind of,” he shrugged. “Although, after hearing why you agreed to all of this, I have to admit that I’m reconsidering that.”

“Really?” You smiled hopefully. 

“Of course, you’ll still have to get to know the pack and our ways,” he pointed out. “But I don’t think it would be the worst thing to have you by my side.”

“Great!” You exclaimed happily and Namjoon couldn’t help but to laugh from how excited you clearly were. 

“Do you want to go look in the other bedrooms?” He suggested. “Maybe see what you might want to do with them?” 

“Mm, we don’t have to. I don’t want to overwhelm myself,” you giggled. “Why did you make so many bedrooms anyways?”

“Well, for our future children,” he confessed and you felt your cheeks immediately become hotter. 

“Oh,” you whispered. 

“Is that ok?” Namjoon wondered. “I know it might’ve been a little presumptuous of me, especially since I did it before we had our conversation about what we both wanted the other day.”

“No, no, no, it’s....it’s fine,” you shrugged. 

“Oh, I get it,” he smirked. “You haven’t been with anyone, have you?”

“Namjoon!” You shouted in surprise.

“You’re nervous,” he surmised. 

“Can you blame me?” You scoffed. “I mean, it’s already embarrassing to have basically everyone know that I’m a virgin but knowing what’s expected of us on our wedding night....it’s nerve wrecking.”

“It’s not that big of a deal Y/N,” he shrugged. 

“Aren’t you nervous?” You asked him, only to see him shake his head. “Why not?”

“Because I’ve thought about filling you with my knot since the first day that I saw you,” Namjoon confessed. “So if you let me have sex with you on our wedding night, I’d consider myself to be a very lucky man.”

“Really?” You whispered.

“Of course, but I’m not going to push you,” he told you. “If you deicide that you don’t want to, then that’s completely fine. If you do though, just know that I’ll be more willing.”

“Good to know, I guess,” you muttered, more so to yourself but Namjoon still laughed at you. 

“Cute,” he smiled widely as he reached down and grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

..........................................

A month later, your wedding day had finally come. After spending a week in Namjoon’s territory, you and your parents had traveled back to your pack’s territory where you prepared for the wedding alone. The only other time that you were able to see Namjoon had been when he and his parents decided to visit your territory in order to sign the treaty that would make the connection between your two packs official. 

Fast forward to now, you were standing in the guest bedroom of Namjoon’s parents’ house, getting ready with your mom and your two best friends. 

“I really wish you would’ve let me make you a more form fitting dress Y/N-ah,” Taehyung sighed as he pullzed up the zipper on the back of your dress. Your dress was pure white, with long billowing sleeves, a scooped neckline, and a loose, long skirt with a small train. 

“You know that I hate tight clothing,” you pointed out. “This feels more like me.”

“And you look beautiful,” Jimin spoke up, taking a second to stick his tongue out at Taehyung.

“That you do,” Deiji grinned widely as she placed a crown of magnolias on top of your head. “You look like a dream.”

“Thanks Mommy,” you giggled. Just then, there was a sudden knock on the door. 

“Everyone decent in there?” Your father called out and Jimin walked over to the door and opened it up, making your father gasp when he saw you. 

“Oh Y/N-ah,” he murmured as he paced over to you, setting his hands on your cheeks. “My baby girl.”

“What do you think?” You asked him. 

“I think that Namjoon is a very lucky man to be marrying such a gorgeous woman,” Byung hoon replied, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “You ready? There’s still time to back out and we can always figure something else out.”

“I’m not gonna do that Daddy,” you huffed with a smile, reaching out and taking the bouquet of magnolias that Taehyung was handing to you. “I’m gonna do this.”

“We can’t thank you enough,” your father murmured and you just leaned forward, giving him a kiss on the cheek as well. 

“What’s done is done,” you said. “So don’t stress about it.”

“Well, let’s go get you married,” Taehyung smiled as he reached up and pulled your veil down over your face.

“Let’s,” you whispered as you wrapped your hand around your father���s arm and let him lead you out of the bedroom. 

The ceremony was an unrushed affair once you met Namjoon underneath the little archway that had been placed near the large wall of magnolias where the two of you had first met. You found yourself not even paying much attention to what was happening during the ceremony and before you knew it, you were facing Namjoon as the preacher pronounced you man and wife.

It wasn’t the first time that you’d ever been kissed, but it still felt different all the same. Namjoon was so gentle as he reached out and grabbed the hem of your veil, lifting it up and over your head to reveal your face. He then placed his hands on your cheeks, cradling them as he leaned forward and kissed you softly. You found yourself kissing back on instinct, your hands reaching out and grabbing onto his suit jacket. 

The reception was definitely more fun than you imagined it to be. The food was amazing and so was the music, and you couldn’t help but to smile at how everyone in your new pack danced around happily as they celebrated your marriage. You found yourself having fun as well as you allowed Eun Kyung and Ho-jin to lead you around, introducing you to some members of the pack as well as spending time with your own family and friends as well.

Now that the night was over though, you were quietly walking back to your new house with Namjoon, which had been decorated to your liking. 

“Did you have fun?” Namjoon asked and you looked over at him, nodding your head.

“I did,” you smiled. “Your pack sure knows how to throw a party.”

“It’s your pack now too,” he pointed out and you hummed in reply. Once your new house came into view, Namjoon helped you walk up the front steps before pulling out his keys and unlocking the front door. 

“Wait,” he said when you moved to step into the house and before you could ask what he was doing, he leant down and picked you up bridal style.

“Namjoon!” You shrieked as he carried you into the house and you reached out to shut the front door for him. He then carried you up the stairs and into your bedroom before setting you down on the ground.

“What was that?” You giggled as you looked up at him.

“Well, I couldn’t let you be deprived of a prime wedding experience,” he shrugged, making you smile. A somewhat awkward silence then settled over the two of you then and it wasn’t until then that you felt your nerves kick in. You had been successful in not thinking much about your wedding night for the past few weeks but now that the two of you were alone, it was all that you could think about. 

“You know,” Namjoon spoke up suddenly. “We don’t have to do anything tonight.”

“Namjoon, we talked about this,” you replied.

“We did and I meant what I said then,” he said. “We don’t have to do anything just because people might expect us to.”

“Really?”

“Really. Plus, it’s kind of insulting if you only have sex with me because you’re expected to,” he joked, making you giggle.

“You have a point,” you smiled. “What if I said that I wanted to though, because I want to?”

“Do you remember what else I said to you when we had that conversation?��� He wondered and you felt your cheeks warm up immensely as you recalled his words. 

“Yes.”

“What did I say baby?” 

“You said that you, uh, wanted to....uh,” you stammered and Namjoon smiled, deciding to take pity on you.

“I said that I wanted to fill you with my knot,” he finished for you. “And I still mean that.”

“You’ll be gentle?” You checked.

“Absolutely,” he stated firmly. “And I’ll go as slow as you need me to.” You knew that this was a big step, losing your virginity. However, something about Namjoon made you feel so at ease and besides, he was your husband now.

“I want to,” you announced, causing him to grin widely.

“Can I kiss you?” He requested and you nodded your head. He reached up and placed his hands on your cheeks before leaning down and pressing his lips against yours. You immediately moved closer to him, placing your hands near his waist. He then took one of his hands off of your cheek and before you could ask what he was doing, he reached up and took the crown of magnolias off your head before throwing it over his shoulder.

“Someone seems eager,” you teased.

“You have no idea,” Namjoon chuckled deeply. He kissed you again, this time much deeper as he walked you backwards towards the bed. Once you felt the edge of the bed hit the back of your knees, you pulled away from his lips and looked up at him. 

“Help me take this off?” You whispered, taking a second to turn around so that your back was facing him. Without any hesitation, he reached out and pulled down the zipper on the back of your dress. The feeling of his fingertips against your skin made you shiver and when your dress dropped down to the floor in a pool around your feet, the feeling of his eyes on you made you get chills. 

“Did you wear this for me?” Namjoon asked before leaning forward and pressing kisses along the curve of your shoulder, referring to the white, lace bra and panty set that you had been wearing underneath your dress. 

“Maybe,” you breathed out, his lips on your skin making it hard for you to focus. 

“Gorgeous. Lay down for me?” He said and you nodded before bending down and crawling onto the bed. When you flipped over to lie on your back, Namjoon was working on taking off his suit jacket and unbuttoning the white dress shirt that he had underneath.

“You still ok?” He checked in as he climbed onto the bed as well and you smiled as you reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck. 

“I’m ok,” you confirmed, leaning up and kissing him again. The kiss quickly became heated, your mouth falling open as Namjoon slipped his tongue inside. He then pulled away from your mouth, moving down to press kisses to your jaw before moving down to your neck. 

“Been thinking about this, about you,” he whispered against your skin and you just blushed as you looked up at the ceiling.

“About me?” 

“Mmhmm,” he hummed. “Been thinking about your scent too.”

“What do I smell like to you?” You wondered, doing your best to keep your eyes trained on the ceiling as you felt him start to move down again. 

“Like...pineapples and bananas,” he murmured as he grabbed the cups of your bra, pulling them down so that they sat right underneath your breasts. He then leaned down and sucked your right nipple into his mouth, making you arch your back up from the bed.

“Holy, huh,” you moaned and Namjoon chuckled at you, which automatically made you pout. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized after popping your nipple out of his mouth. “You’re just so cute.” You couldn’t find the words to say anything else because Namjoon reached underneath you and you lifted your back up so that he could take your bra off completely, and he didn’t waste any time before taking your left nipple into his mouth. 

Once both of your nipples had stiffened to a peak, he moved downwards again, trailing his lips across your skin until he made it down to the line of your panties. 

“Lift up for me?” Namjoon asked and slowly, you lifted your hips and waited until he had grabbed the waistband of your panties and pulled them down before lowering your body back onto the bed. Once he pulled them off of your legs and threw them off the bed, you watched as he sat his hands on your knees and looked down at you. 

“Still good?” He wondered.

“Seriously, stop asking,” you giggled. “I’m nervous as hell but I want to do this so I’m good.”

“I just, you know you can tell me to stop at anytime and I will, right?” 

“I know, and that’s why I want this,” you smiled. “Want you to give me a bite.”

“Fuck, ok,” he exhaled harshly. “I want to eat you out first though.”

“Ok,” you nodded and you allowed him to push your knees apart, exposing your folds to him. He laid down on the bed so that he was right in between your legs, and you let out a loud gasp when you felt his tongue make contact with your clit. He used the tip of his tongue to make slow circles around your clit and even though he wasn’t placing a lot of pressure behind it, you felt like you were going to lose your mind.

“Holy shit, that feels...good,” you huffed and you felt Namjoon hum against you as he closed his entire mouth around your clit. The feeling was almost euphoric, and you couldn’t believe that you had been missing out on this for the last few years since you presented as an Omega.

“I’m gonna give you a finger ok?” Namjoon spoke up after taking his mouth off of you and you nodded, wincing lightly when he began to push his pointer finger inside of you. He then began to slowly pump the digit in and out of you, which made you moan lightly. 

“Feels good?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Weird but good,” you told him. 

“Good,” he smirked. “You’re getting wet.”

“Don’t say that,” you groaned. 

“Why not? It’s a good thing,” he shrugged. “It’ll make it easier for you to take my knot.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Good thing you’re stuck with me,” he smiled before leaning down and taking your clit back into his mouth. As he fingered and licked you simultaneously, you found it a little harder to breathe because of the pleasure that was building in the pit of your stomach. 

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” you hissed when he tried to ease his middle finger inside of you. 

“It’s ok baby, we just gotta get you stretched out a little bit,” he whispered and you just decided to be quiet and let him do it. Admittedly, you admired how much time he was taking making sure that you were properly ready and it made your heart soften because you had never had a man (other than your father) be so gentle with you. 

“Namjoon, I-I think I’m going to come,” you whimpered and Namjoon took his mouth off of your clit for a few seconds. 

“Go ahead baby,” he encouraged you before placing his mouth back on you. Sure enough, it didn’t take much longer before your body seized up, your orgasm washing over you. Namjoon continued to stroke you through it and by the time that it passed, you were reaching down and pushing him away from you. 

“Holy shit, that felt good,” you giggled, making Namjoon laugh as well. 

“That’s good,” He replied as he sat up onto his knees. When your eyes trailed downwards, they widened a little at the sight of the bulge in his pants.

“Should I, um,” you stammered as you motioned towards his pants and he looked down, chuckling before looking back up at you. 

“You don’t have to and besides, seeing you come turned me on and I doubt I’d last,” he admitted.

“Oh, ok,” you smiled shyly. He then pulled off the dress shirt that he had on, letting it fall onto the floor before moving onto his slacks, unbuttoning and unzipping them before pulling them down. He pushed them, along with his underwear, down his legs and your jaw dropped a little from the sight of his cock.

You didn’t know what you expected, but you definitely didn’t expect his cock to be so thick and long. You had to admit, actually seeing it made you even more nervous.

“Hey,” Namjoon called out and you looked up at him. “It’ll be ok. I’m still going to go slow.”

“O-Ok,” you whispered as he climbed between your legs. He reached out with two fingers and gathered some of your slickness from your orgasm before using it to lubricate his cock. 

“Ready?” He questioned as he positioned his cock right in front of your entrance and once you nodded, he slowly began to push into you. The stinging pain hit you immediately and you yelped out loud, reaching up and clutching onto Namjoon’s forearms. “Y/N?”

“Hurts,” you muttered through grit teeth.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, bending down and pressing a kiss to your forehead. He didn’t try to push any further, he waited until you gave him a small nod before pressing his hips forward again. You were almost ready to tell him to forget the entire thing as the stinging pain seemed to become worse the more he pushed into you. Before you knew it though, he had bottomed out and was looking down at you intensely.

“What?” You asked him.

“You just, you look so beautiful,” he complimented you.

“Are you just saying that because you’re inside of me right now?” You joked.

“I mean it,” he laughed. 

“Well, thank you,” you responded and he leaned down to kiss you again. He then slowly pulled his hips back before pushing back in, which caused you to let out a stuttered moan into his mouth. The pain was still thee but as he began to fuck you, it slowly went away and was replaced by what was probably the greatest pleasure that you had ever felt in your life up to that point. 

“So tight baby,” Namjoon grunted after he pulled away from the kiss. 

“F-feels so full,” you whimpered. 

“Good. I’m gonna fill you even more with my knot,” he said gruffly as he looked down at you. “You want that?”

“Yes.”

“Say it,” he instructed you.

“I-I want your.....k-knot,” you stuttered and he literally groaned at your words. He began to fuck you a little faster, making you grip onto him and wrap your legs around his waist.

“Been thinking about this,” he moaned. “Been thinking about how good you would feel wrapped around my cock.”

“Me t-too,” you confessed. 

“Fuck, you’ve been thinking about me baby?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Since you told me that you wanted to...fill me with your, uh, knot. Thought about you calling me baby too.”

“You like it?” He smiled.

“Love it.”

“Then I’ll call you that as often as I can,” he promised. He continued to fuck you, and you realized that you were feeling the same buildup of pressure that you did when he was fingering you. 

“I-I’m gonna come Namjoon,” you announced breathily and he sighed.

“Thank god,” he huffed as he began to thrust into you both faster and harder, and your grip on him became so tight that you were sure you’d leave marks on his skin. “I wanna knot you so fucking bad.”

“Do it,” you encouraged him. “Want you to bite me too.”

“Come first,” he shot back as he focused all of his energy into making sure that you did so. After a few more thrusts, you were coming right onto his cock, your essence covering more of his cock every time that he pulled it out and then pushed it right back in. 

“Ready for a bite?” He asked and you nodded your head numbly. Leaning down, he stuck his face in your neck and began to suck on the skin there. As soon as you released a moan at the feeling, you felt his teeth sink in. 

You had heard a lot about mating bites and how it would feel when you finally received one, but you could truthfully say that the feeling was indescribable. You truly felt like you were now connected to Namjoon in a way that you had never been connected with any one before and the feeling was almost so overwhelming that you almost didn’t recognize that Namjoon’s knot was pushing its’ way inside of you.

“God damn,” Namjoon groaned deeply as his knot fully popped into you, and you gasped when you felt his cum pouring into you right after. You leaned up and after finding the perfect spot, you sunk your teeth into his neck as well, giving him a mating bite too. 

Namjoon collapsed on top of you and the two of you stayed like that for a while, at least 15 minutes, basking in the after glow of your new matching mating bites. 

“No offense or anything,” you spoke up. “But you’re heavy and it’s hot in here.”

“Some offense taken,” he laughed as he lifted himself off of you. “My knot has gone down but it’s gonna hurt when I pull out.”

“Go slow, ok?” You requested and he nodded, looking down in between your legs and slowly pulling out of you. It did hurt a little and you even winced a little bit, but it wasn’t that bad all in all. 

“Y/N-ah?” He called as he laid down next to you and you gently turned over onto your side to face him.

“What happened to baby?” You simpered with a teasing smile, making him chuckle. 

“I’m still gonna call you that,” he assured you. “But I wanted to talk to you seriously.”

“Ok, shoot,” you shrugged. 

“I know that you didn’t necessarily choose all of this and neither did I, but I don’t want you to worry,” he began. “I take this marriage and this relationship just as seriously as if we met in the conventional sense and I really mean it when I say that I can see myself falling in love with you.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he smiled. “Even though we haven’t known each other long, I can already tell that you’re kind, selfless, loving, and the most gorgeous woman that I’ve ever met in my life. I’d only be so lucky if you fell in love with me.”

“Well, I think that I can fall in love with you too,” you confessed, making him grin widely. “And I hope that I do.”

[legends-live-in-memories]

Why Now?

AYO its ya girl back with more biodad!bruce wayne. I bring you all day 4! I highly recommending reading this after day 1 cuz it takes place right after it.

Maribat Masterlist   AO3 @maribat-bdbwm

Day 1

Word count: 1.2k words

Summary:

She was… she was so beautiful. Bruce could only wish she was truly his.

But why now? Why keep it a secret for years?

The aftermath of 'First Impressions' from Bruce's perspective.

BD!Bruce Wayne Month Day 4- Bonding

without further ado:

Bruce had always thought that his crusade for justice would leave him lonely, removed from the world, protecting it from the shadows. Taking on the fate of the world, his focus primarily condensed to just his city, did not create opportunities to form meaningful connections. Yet he made them anyway. Finding camaraderie in the Justice League and family in his children. Yes, his children. His very stupid children whom he loves very much. Who were keeling over themselves laughing at him.

All except his youngest son. He was caught between staring at Bruce, glaring at his brothers, and glaring at the new guests. Ignoring them, Bruce focused his attention back on Sabine. He remembered her well and he thought, hoped, that he would never see her again. She was a part of his past that he wasn’t proud of but she was here, claiming to have brought him his ten-year-old child, and all Bruce had wished for in that moment was for the women he slept with to stop hiding his children from him. If he had a nickel for every time that happened… he would have two nickels. Not a lot, but it was weird and depressing that it had happened twice now.

He wasn’t even planning on denying any paternity. There was no need, no want to do so. He would take in the little girl in a heartbeat if that was what Sabine wished. How could he not? Her pout was the same as Damian’s and she had his mother’s button nose. Her eyes were as blue as his father’s and as his own but her glare— when she could not understand why his idiot children were suddenly doing their best hyena impressions— was entirely her mother’s. She was… she was so beautiful. Bruce could only wish she was truly his.

But why now? Why keep it a secret for years? Bruce stared at the two of them, having flashbacks to two years ago, to his introduction to his youngest son and could only think of the worst.

Something must have happened. She must have been in danger for Sabine to have brought her to him. But what?

“Why are you really here, Sabine?” He needed to get to the bottom of this. He needed to prepare. “Certainly not just for a friendly visit.”

“Actually there is no ulterior motive.” Her voice was as cool as ever. Her passive expression that used to piss him off, her posture unreadable, drove him up a wall. He both missed and resented it. “We don’t need your help with anything. I just believed Marinette needed an opportunity to meet her father.”

Marinette. His baby’s name was Marinette. It was perfect.

“But why now?” At this point his sons’ laughter had died down and they were paying close attention to the exchange.

“She deserves to know who her father is and she’s old enough to understand why you can’t be in her life.” Her tone left no room for questions, as if the notion that he wouldn’t— couldn’t— be a part of his own daughter’s upbringing was set in stone. His blood was starting to run hot at that. He had been deprived of raising his children not once but twice, missing important milestones and not being able to form a bond he so desperately yearned for. It’s one thing to take in children, ones who already had been taught with a set of worldviews for the first few years, and had to combat with different ideals. It was a completely different thing, however, to be there from birth, to hold them, to coddle them, and to raise them and watch them become their own individuals.

“And who decided I can’t be in her life?” His frustration was well hidden but it still tasted bitter on his tongue.

“Don’t kid yourself,” she scoffed. “You and I both know she has no place in Batman’s crusade.”

The silence was damning. He didn’t say anything to that. What could he say? He never wished this life for his children but everyone he had taken in had fallen victim to his mission. He didn’t want to think about whether or not the young girl before him could keep up. She probably could; knowing her mother, she was probably well-trained and highly skilled. But Gotham was cruel, it was brutal and vile and wouldn’t hesitate to remind anyone of their own mortality and Bruce never wanted to bury one of his children again. His mind made up, he reached for his cowl and pulled it down.

Face and heart bare, he kneeled before his daughter. She looked at him with the same scrutiny she had since she greeted him.

“Hello, Marinette,” he said. He saw out of his periphery his boys drop from their perch. They made no step closer, but that was fine. This was between him and the child in front of him. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, father.” Her smile was brilliant and if he wasn’t already set in his convictions, he would be now. He’s known her for ten minutes and he never wanted that smile to disappear.

“I know your mother said that you don’t need me,” he breathed out, more tenderly than he thought he was capable of, “but if you ever— and I mean ever — need me, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

He saw in her eyes that she didn’t fully understand his earnest but her head bobbled in agreement all the same. Sabine’s hand rested on her shoulder, drawing her into her side. He looked at her face and saw a compassion he hadn’t seen in years.

“We’ll be in contact,” was her closing remark. Not giving him a chance to respond, she steered the little girl away from him, back to the car. He rose to his full height, cowl still by his shoulders, hung down by the weight of his decision. His sons still haven’t said anything, leaving him to have this moment for himself. His gaze was transfixed on his daughter. The daughter he never got to know. He watched as she made it to the car, holding the door open but not getting in. From what he could see of her face, she was contemplating something. Before he could hazard a guess, she turned and ran to him, colliding into his legs with full force.

She was hugging him. Bruce’s arms came to rest on her shoulders then to pet at the back of her head. He couldn’t feel how soft her hair was with his glove in the way.  

“Goodbye, father,” her ocean eyes were shining up at him, his father’s kind smile etched into her features. “I hope to see you again someday.”

“Me too, Marinette.” He would never tire of saying his children’s names, hers was no different.

Then she was off, back to the seclusion of the car that didn’t hesitate to reverse out the way it came. Just like that, as silently as they arrived, they left.

“Well that was something,” Tim’s voice cut into the air. “Care to explain?”

No, not really.

“Later,” he said; hopefully never, he prayed. “Back to patrol, all of you.”

He was hoping, foolishly, that his sons would just accept this as just a moment in their lives, no explanations needed. But he knew he had to, he owed them answers.

But that was for later.

Later.

[raindancer2004]

A life for a life

Word Count: 2,542 Felix x OC Oneshot Warnings: Angst, fluff

December 31st – Confrontation of Renesmee

Once it had been declared that Renesmee is not an immortal child, Irina was ripped apart and burned for providing a false allegation to the Kings.

Alice shows Aro a vision of what will happen if he decides to fight the Cullens and the Wolves “Now you know, that’s your future…unless you decide on anther course” “We cannot alter our course, the child still poses a great threat” Caius says to Aro “What if she can remain hidden from the human world, can we go in peace?” Edward asks “Of course, but that cannot be known” Caius replies “Actually it can” Edward cuts him off as Nahuel and Huilen break through the tree line and walk towards the Volturi. “I have been searching for witnesses of my own…” Caius cuts Alice off “We have enough witnesses” “Let him speak brother” Aro says, silencing Caius. “I am like the child, half human / half vampire. A vampire seduced my mother, who died giving birth to me. My aunt Huilen raised me as her own. I made her immortal” Nahuel advises everyone. They learn that Nahuel can survive on both blood and human food and after seven years he became full grown and hasn’t changed since.  

Aro appears convinced all is well, and there’s no danger in allowing Renesmee to live. However, Edward reads Caius’ mind and discovers he isn’t as convinced as Aro and without thinking he trades Renesmee’s life / freedom for that of Bella’s sister. “If we traded you Felix’s mate for Renesmee’s life would you allow us to leave and live in peace?” Edward asks looking at Caius. “What? I don’t have a mate” Felix says looking confused “You do, you just haven’t met her” Edward replies “And you have?” Felix retorts “Yes actually. Her name is Annabelle, she’s Bella’s sister” Alice answers this time and shock washes over everyone’s faces. “We would need to confirm that they are mates first” Caius replies, Edward nods “You can meet her today, she’s at home.” Caius looks at his brothers for a moment, before glancing over at Felix, who still looks shocked and nodded at Edward.

“Does your sister know about vampires?” Aro asks curiously “She found out recently, but it couldn’t be helped” Bella replied, Caius glared at them “You like breaking that basic law of ours, don’t you Edward?” “Actually, I let it slip” Alice interjected, smiling at Aro “That’s quite alright my dear, no harm done really. She was due to find out anyway, given that she is Felix’s mate” Aro replied with a smile, Caius rolled his eyes.

Aro sent the majority of the guards back to the plane, keeping Demetri, Felix and the twins with him, Caius and Marcus. “How do you feel about meeting your mate after centuries of being alone?” Demetri asked low “I should be happy, I know…but this doesn’t seem right D. This isn’t how I thought I’d meet her.” Demetri nodded and sympathised with his friend because he too didn’t agree that this was the ideal way to meet one’s mate.

“You know she is not going to be happy with either of you for doing this” Alice says looking at Edward and Bella. “My daughter’s life was on the line. What was I meant to do?” Edward replied “Oh I don’t know, maybe not trade in Annabelle’s life” Jasper pointed out “She’s innocent in all this and you’ve just handed her over to them like it’s nothing” Rosalie added, sounding a little upset. “They’re mates! They were bound to meet sometime” Edward shouts “This isn’t the best way though is it son?” Carlisle asks “And Bella, you’re awfully quiet, what do you think of Edward’s deal?” Tanya called out “It had to be done” Bella replied. “Let’s hope your sister is more loyal than you are” Tanya responded.

Carlisle motioned for Felix to approach him, Aro nodded and walked alongside him towards Carlisle and Esme “Everything ok Carlisle?” Aro asked “Yes, I just wanted to give Felix some advice” Esme replied low, Felix nodded “Be patient with her, she hasn’t known about our world for long and is likely to be upset, angry even at this situation” She added “I understand” Felix replied with a nod.

Bella and Edward go inside the Swan house to speak with Annabelle and tell her what they did and all hell breaks loose. The three Kings and the four elite guards stood in the back garden of the Swan house listening to the conversation between Bella, Edward and Annabelle, Caius finding the girl intriguing…for a human.

“You traded my life for hers? How dare you? You had no right!” Annabelle screams at Edward “They would have killed her…” Bella tries to explain “THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM!” Annabelle interrupts loudly “You don’t understand...” Bella tries again “NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I’M NOT GOING!” Annabelle screams “YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE!” Edward shouts back “ONLY BECAUSE YOU TOOK THAT AWAY FROM ME! YOU HAD NO RIGHT!” Annabelle continues to scream at Edward “I have a life; I have things I want to do with my life and being mated to a vampire is not part of my life plan. So, the deal is off!” Annabelle goes to walk away but Bella grabs her “OW!” Annabelle screams “He’s outside waiting for you. You leave tonight” Bella said, nodding towards the back yard and keeping hold of her sister’s arm “You need to go pack” Bella adds. Annabelle pulls her arm free of Bella’s hold and walks to the living room “I don’t care what deal that ginger prick and my sister made, but I am not coming with you. They had no right to trade my life for their daughter’s” Annabelle shouts, knowing they can hear her.

“I will not make her come with us by force. It isn’t fair to her or me” Felix says looking at the Kings “The mate bond doesn’t work that way my dear boy. You know that” Marcus says softly “I haven’t actually seen her; we’ve not actually met one another so there is no bond in play” Felix replies, Marcus turns to look at him “So you’re telling me you don’t feel a pull towards her...seeing as you’re in such close proximity to one another?”  “Not really…but that might be due to her…reaction to the news” Felix replied, sounding unsure of himself, Marcus shook his head “We’ll see.”

“If you don’t go with him now, you’ll end like how I was when Edward left me” Bella said “No I won’t. I haven’t actually met him. I can’t miss someone I don’t know, genius” Annabelle retorts “She’s a feisty little human. I like her already” Demetri says sounding both amused and impressed not caring that Bella and Edward could hear him.

“You know what once I’m changed, I’m going to come back here and RIP YOU ALL APART!” Bella’s mouth falls open in shock “Caius won’t be happy with you” Edward says “Ha – I’ll just tell him it’s a newborn thing and he’ll just be happy I didn’t slaughter an entire village of humans and expose us. Let’s face it, he doesn’t like you two much anyway, so I’ll be doing him a favour really” Annabelle adds smiling.

“I like the girl. I’m going to go claim her” Caius says entering the house, missing the confused look on Felix’s face. “Don’t worry Felix, he didn’t mean it how it sounded” Marcus assured him. Caius enters the house and grabs Annabelle around the waist before an incident occurs as she was standing face to face with Bella. “You’re coming home with us” Caius said in her ear and she struggled in his arm “Put me down now” Annabelle told him “If you come quietly now, I’ll have the elite guards bring you back here as a newborn to follow up on the promise of ripping these two traitor’s heads off” She stopped moving and looked over her shoulder at him “You promise?” “Yes. I promise. I may even come to watch” Caius replied grinning “Fine. I’ll come quietly…but if you break your promise, it’ll be your head I rip off. Understand?” She glared at him “I understand and I will not break my promise, as you said I don’t like them anyway. You killing them means one less problem for me” He smiled at her.

“Wow. She threatened Caius and got away with it. Now I’m impressed” Jane smiled looking up at Felix, his face paled “She’s going to be a handful” He muttered “I know, I can’t wait” Demetri smiled wide, excitement shining in his red eyes and he patted his friend on the back. “It’s going to be an interesting year” Aro said just as Caius came out of the house carrying Annabelle. “Annabelle these are my brothers Aro and Marcus, we rule the vampire world together” “It’s nice to meet you both. My apologies for the…er…scene in there but it was abit of a shock to learn that my life had been ‘traded’ for their daughter’s” “That’s quite all right, my dear. We actually found it rather…refreshing” Aro replied smiling.

Once on the Volturi’s private plane Caius introduces Annabelle to Felix, Demetri, Jane and Alec. “Annabelle, these four are our Elite Guards, Demetri, our resident Tracker, Felix who’s our Executioner” Annabelle gulped and took a small step back, something that Felix noticed and he frowned slightly. “These two are Jane and Alec. They’re twins and are both gifted like Demetri” Caius added. “It’s nice to meet you all” Annabelle smiled at them “Likewise” Demetri replied “Are you curious who your mate is?” Caius asked “Yeah I guess, I hadn’t really thought about it” Annabelle replied “Ok then Annabelle, you are mated to Felix” Annabelle looked between Felix and Caius “That Felix?” “Yes, we only have one Felix…that I am aware of” Caius mused “You’re sassing me? Really?” She asked staring at Caius “When you ask an obvious question, you’re going to get a sassy remark” He replied and started to walk towards his seat “Is he like Edward?” Caius raised an eyebrow at her, the four elite guards turned to look at them “Is he controlling and possessive? Because if he is, this isn’t going to work. I am not Bella. I won’t be told what I can do, where I can go and who I can talk to” She replied “No, he is not like Edward. Although, all vampires are protective of their mates, seeing as we only get one and that can sometimes come across as possessive” Caius replied “Good. That’s something at least” Annabelle said low.

Annabelle sat down beside Felix “So…mate, how soon can I become immortal and go back kill my sister and her husband?” Demetri choked back a laugh as Felix took a deep unneeded breath “As soon as you feel ready to be changed” Felix replied “Great. Bite me” Annabelle said as she pulled her hair to one side and tilted her neck to give him access. Felix looked at Annabelle and then to Demetri who was sitting on his other side “Is she serious D?” “It would seem so Fe” He replied “Come on Felix. Bite me” “Annabelle…I…” “Demetri, will you bite me please?” She cut Felix off, Demetri smiled “Be my pleasure sweetheart” He stood up and watched as Annabelle turned to face him, he leant down and inhaled her scent “You smell nice” He whispered against the shell of her ear “Thank you…I think” Demetri carefully tilted her head a little more as his mouth filled with venom and just as he was about to bite her, he felt a strong hand on his arm “If you bite her D, I’ll have your head” Felix growled and Demetri smiled at him and sat back in his seat “See Felix you do want to bite me” Annabelle smiled and Felix sighed “I will turn you myself, but please wait till we get home. I’d like to spend the ten-hour flight getting to know you, not watch you writhe in pain” He said softly “Fine I’ll wait. But if you wuss out on me, I will let Demetri turn me” Annabelle told him before smiling at Demetri “I’ll be ready if / when you need me sweetheart” Demetri smiled back at her and Felix growled low.

They land in Volterra and once back at the castle they begin to make preparations for Annabelle’s transformation. Felix asks Alec and Demetri to be in the room with him when he turns his mate. “Demetri, Alec please be the room with me when I change Annabelle, I may need you both to stop me from killing her, if I don’t stop on my own. After all I have never turned anyone before” “Of course Felix, I will strip your senses away to allow Demetri to pull you away from her without ripping her throat out” Alec replied and Demetri nodded “Of course I’ll be there to help Fe.”

Annabelle woke up three days later and her eyes instantly found Felix’s and she ran straight into his arms “Thank you Felix” “You’re welcome mi amore” Felix replies as he gently cups her face in his large hands and presses his lips to her forehead.

Jane spoke to Annabelle about changing her plan for revenge on her sister and Edward. “Annabelle, I have an idea regarding your plan for revenge” “Ok Jane, I’m listening” She replied turning to face her. “Revenge is a dish best served cold and I think we should have fun with them first…” “What were you thinking sister?” Alec cut her off “I think we should play around with Alice’s visions a little, make the decision to go and see Bella and Edward, then decide not to go or just not turn up at all. Leave it a little while and make the decision to go to them again…” “Play mind games with them?” Annabelle interrupted “Exactly, that will irritate them, maybe even drive them mad” Jane replied smiling, a wicked glint in her eyes “I like that plan because when we do finally go and exact revenge, they will not see it coming” Annabelle responded with a wicked smile “We will all be by your side when the time comes mi amore” Felix added and wrapped his arm around her.

The next few decades were amusing to the Volturi but frustrating to the Cullens. Demetri tracked the Cullens as they moved around every so many years and took great pleasure in sending them a ‘Welcome to your new home’ card.

Finally, when Annabelle did decide to pay her sister a visit, Caius accompanied her and the four elite guards but instead of beheading Bella and Edward as originally planned all those years ago, they gave them a ‘new home’ present consisting of recently dead small woodland creatures “For you” Caius and Annabelle said together, both sporting a wicked grin on their lips and watched as shock washed over the faces of the Cullens. “We’ve bought you a welcome to your new home meal” Caius added smiling. “Revenge is sweet, sister” Annabelle told Bella with a smile before leaving the house to return to Volterra with her family.  

[robininthelabyrinth]

what if Jiang Cheng is the one in the arranged marriage with Jin Zixuan (maybe an au where birth order matters more than gender?)

ao3

“Well, no one cares what you think!” Jin Zixun shouted, and Jin Zixuan flinched, already knowing that this was going to end in disaster. His older cousin – his father’s favorite of the lot – was mean at the best of times, and when he was angry, he was especially cruel. A kid like Jiang Cheng, barely nine, wouldn’t be able to deal with him. “You’ll never made anything of yourself, anyway; the best thing you’ll ever be is A-Xuan’s wife!”

That was worse, somehow, than Jin Zixuan had thought it would be. Maybe because his name was invoked – maybe because Jiang Cheng looked as though he’d been slapped in the face, his eyes filling with unshed tears, and when his fist found its way to Jin Zixun’s face a moment later, Jin Zixuan thought that it was completely deserved.

Afterwards, when they’d all split off their own ways, he went to find Jiang Cheng.

He didn’t need to, he knew, but – he’d liked Jiang Cheng, at least a little.

He was the same age as Jin Zixuan, a little boy like him, even if he was the second child and not the heir the way Jin Zixuan was. He’d been laughing about something when Jin Zixuan first saw him, something whispered to him by his older sister, a plain girl recognizable only by her Jiang sect colors, but he’d straightened up the second he’d seen them walking into the room, putting on a serious expression, and Jin Zixuan had suddenly felt an overwhelming rush of oh you have to deal with this too that he’d never felt before in his life.

All of his so-called friends thought it was great to be the son of the sect leader, but they didn’t have to go to the terrible parties and stand there being shown off to people all night; they actually complained that they didn’t get to go.

He didn’t think Jiang Cheng would complain like that.

Maybe they could be friends, he thought, hopefully. Real friends, not pretend; friends that stayed together because they liked each other and not because their parents needed a political connection –

And then, less than a shichen after they’d been ushered off to go play together by adults who had better things to be doing, Jin Zixun’d managed to ruin everything. Again.

It didn’t take long to find Jiang Cheng.

They’re in Jinlin Tower, which meant that there weren’t many places Jiang Cheng could go that Jin Zixuan couldn’t find him – not like the Lotus Pier, which was an impassable maze even in the guest quarters that they’d taken special care to try to make nice and orderly for the one time they’d tried unsuccessfully to visit – and it turned out he hadn’t gone all that far, just ducked into a nearby guest room that was tidied up even though no one used it.

Jiang Cheng was curled up next to a window, his whole body looking especially small. He wasn’t even looking out of it, but he still gave off the impression of being on the verge of jumping out, or even just that he’d be blown away by the wind.

He wasn’t actually all that small – maybe a bit short for a nine-year-old, maybe a bit more slender, but his father and mother were both tall and that meant he probably would be, too, given time.

“You shouldn’t listen to Zixun,” Jin Zixuan said, and Jiang Cheng looked at him, red-eyed. “He’s dumb. All he ever does is say mean things, and they’re never true.”

“S’true, though, isn’t it?” Jiang Cheng said. “I’m the one that has to marry in, ‘cause I’m second, not first. I’ve got to leave Lotus Pier, go to Jinlin Tower…”

Marry you. Be the official wife. Smile and bear it and host your parties while you’re off fucking someone else – multiple someones – to get kids for the inheritance. Never have children of my own, but instead be stuck raising your bastards for you…

Jiang Cheng didn’t say any of that, of course, but Jin Zixuan knew.

After all, he’d overheard his mother and her friend – former friend – fighting over it. Madame Yu wanted to break the engagement when it turned out that the girl had come first and the boy second, since her husband was refusing to flip the order and marry Jiang Yanli out instead, and his mother had refused, the lure of the Yunmeng Jiang’s power more potent than their old friendship. 

Caustic words had been said. Words he probably should have been too young to understand, words that maybe Jiang Cheng didn’t get yet, but…well.

His mother had always been very clear about all the things she hated about her life.

And now she was going to force the same life onto someone else.

“I don’t think my parents would agree to let me be the one to marry in,” he said, almost wishing he could. Sure, then he’d have to be the one living his mother’s horrible life, but at least there was something familiar about that type of suffering – he’d spent his whole life hearing about it, after all, hearing about it over and over and over again until it almost felt like he’d lived it himself. 

He thought he could bear up with living that terrible life.

He wasn’t so sure he could bear up with being the one to cause it.

Jiang Cheng snorted. “Why would you want to?” He squinted up at him. “Aren’t you going to tell me that Jinlin Tower is great and I shouldn’t worry because being your wife will be great, too, or something like that?”

“I have no idea if being my wife is great,” Jin Zixuan said blankly, out of lack of anything better to say. He probably should have said something like that. “I’ve never had one before.”

They looked at each other for a moment, and then for some reason they both started sniggering uncontrollably.

“Of course you don’t have a wife, you’re nine,” Jiang Cheng said, giggling. “Even I know that nine year olds don’t have wives! And anyway, if you did, it’d be me, wouldn’t it? It’s not like they’re just, I dunno, handing out practice wives.”

“I wish they’d hand out practice wives,” Jin Zixuan confessed, covering his eyes. “That way I could be sure I wouldn’t…you know…”

“Screw up?”

“Yeah.”

Was Jiang Cheng going to judge him? Should Jin Zixuan have kept that to himself, pretended that everything was under control…?

But Jiang Cheng was nodding. “I wish they made practice everything,” he said emphatically, and Jin Zixuan drooped in relief, coming to sit on the floor next to Jiang Cheng. He wasn’t actually allowed to sit on floors, not even clean ones, but he was also supposed to be hosting Jiang Cheng, so if anyone asked that was going to be his excuse. “It’s so hard to get things right on the first try.”

“No one gets things right on the first try,” Jin Zixuan said.

“Wei Wuxian does,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Who’s he?”

“He’s my shixiong,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s – kind of complicated. His parents were friends with my dad, before they died.”

- well at least I managed to keep my husband from bringing home a bastard!

Right. That kind of complicated.

His mother always told him he had to be the most careful around bastards – that they would be smart and pretend to be nice, try to get him to like them, while in reality they’d be scheming against him in the dark, maybe even try to kill him, so they could get what he had and they didn’t. Jin Zixuan figured the same had to be true for Jiang Cheng, and he felt sorry for him.

“Well, you seem good enough to me,” he said firmly. “When you’re my wife, I’ll treat you right.”

He would, too. He wouldn’t go around with other women, wouldn’t come home smelling of them, wouldn’t rub what he was doing in Jiang Cheng’s face and laugh until Jiang Cheng lost his cool and started throwing things – of course, there was always the question of the inheritance, but maybe when he had to find himself a woman, he could try to find Jiang Cheng a woman of his own, too, someone he liked, and those children could be surnamed Jiang. 

Maybe they could find one they both liked and share.  

“I don’t know what’s so bad about being ‘just’ someone’s wife, anyway,” Jin Zixuan added. “I mean, my mom’s the scariest person I know, except maybe for your mom, and they’re both wives.”

Jiang Cheng grinned. “Yeah, that’s right. Next time that big old bully says anything, I’ll tell him to repeat that where my mom can hear it, see what he does then…uh, no offense about the bully thing. I know he’s your cousin.”

“I don’t like him either,” Jin Zixuan admitted.

“Then you’ve got good taste,” Jiang Cheng said, and Jin Zixuan preened. His first ever compliment from his wife!

“I know we’re only hanging out together because our parents said we had to,” Jin Zixuan said, suddenly feeling brave. “But maybe we could…maybe…”

“Be friends?”

He nodded.

Jiang Cheng thought about it, crinkling his nose as he did. Jin Zixuan waited patiently.

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng finally decided. “But only if you help me prank Jin Zixun to get back at him.”

“Deal!” Jin Zixuan exclaimed, then hesitated. “I’ve never pranked anyone before, though…”

“I’ll teach you!” Jiang Cheng scrambled to his feet, then stopped as if struck by a sudden thought. “Do you like dogs?”

“Dogs?” Jin Zixuan repeated blankly. “They’re well enough, I guess…you have three, right?”

He’d seen glimpses of them when he’d visited the Lotus Pier last year, when they were supposed to have first met except Jiang Cheng got sick with a stomach illness right before their visit, throwing up and everything, and Jin Zixuan’s mom had refused to let him anywhere near him.

Jiang Cheng scowled, and suddenly his eyes were welling up with tears again, causing Jin Zixuan to panic again even though he was pretty sure it wasn’t his fault this time. 

“I used to,” Jiang Cheng muttered. “But Wei Wuxian’s scared of dogs, so my father had them sent away. I was just thinking…never mind. It was stupid.”

Jin Zixuan bit his lip. It wasn’t a good sign that Jiang Cheng’s father was already favoring his bastard over his son, not at all, not when fathers had all the power in the cultivation world. Not when even his mother, proud and fierce and famous for cowing his father with thrown pottery and fits of temper, was in the end helpless to stop him – she couldn’t make him stop humiliating her, couldn’t make him stop going out and having all those bastards. She stopped him from bringing them home, but she couldn’t stop him where it mattered, because all he had to do was threaten to make one of them the heir instead of Jin Zixuan.

He wouldn’t, because he needed her maternal family’s support, but he could.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair to his mother, it wasn’t fair to Jin Zixuan, and it wasn’t fair to Jiang Cheng, either. And it especially wasn’t fair that he was already being replaced – and just when Jin Zixuan was starting to feel better about the marriage, too!

The whole arranged marriage deal didn’t seem so bad if it was going to be with Jiang Cheng, who seemed pretty nice. Jin Zixuan didn’t want to have to start all over again with another boy, especially not a bastard.

“If you know where they are, you could send your dogs here to live with me,” Jin Zixuan suggested, feeling suddenly spontaneous in a way he almost never did, and Jiang Cheng turned to him with wide eyes. “That way you’d have a reason to come visit a lot, and your father could see that we were getting along.”

It would remind Sect Leader Jiang that their marriage could be broken by either side at any time, if they were unhappy – show him that they were committed, that they wouldn’t accept inferior goods in Lanling. Maybe it could help convince him to keep Jiang Cheng and his mother instead of swapping them out.

“I was just thinking I could introduce you, but that’s even better!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed, looking excited. “You’re serious?”

“Sure,” Jin Zixuan said. He had an entire palace of his own back in Jinlin Tower, full of rooms he never used meant to host as guests all the friends he didn’t have. They could put the dogs in some of those, hire someone to take care of them – feed them, walk them, brush them, whatever needed to be done for dogs. If there was one thing Jinlin Tower didn’t lack, it was servants to do things. “But you have to come visit them. Without bringing Wei Wuxian.”

That way, even if this Wei Wuxian person used his bastard tricks to pull the wool over Jiang Cheng’s eyes to make him think that they were friends even as he stole away Jiang Cheng’s birthright in secret - Jin Zixuan’s mother had warned him - there’d still be a way to show how important it was to keep Jiang Cheng as the legitimate son. They might have just met, but it was pretty clear to Jin Zixuan already that Jiang Cheng was way too friendly and nice to know how to properly guard himself – someone would have to do the work for him.

And who else, if not his husband?

“Don’t worry about Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng said. “He won’t go anywhere if he thinks there’ll be dogs. You’ll really do it?”

“I’ll talk to my parents,” Jin Zixuan promised – he was only nine, there were limits to what he could actually do – but Jiang Cheng seemed to think that was enough. He smiled at him, and Jin Zixuan smiled back.

Maybe this could work out.

[atopearth]

Ikemen Prince Part 3 - Yves Kloss Route

Yves is so adorable to hide behind a pillar waiting for the heroine to appear, and then say he's going to watch over her to make sure she's impartial in her choice of the king🤣 How is he going to do that, what if she just thinks Leon is hot or something and makes up a bunch of reasons for it🤣 Maybe he's good at detecting lies🥲 Anyway, I never really thought about it, but if the previous king only loved the Belle at that time (Jin's mother), and turned into a shell of himself once they were torn apart, and only cared for women out of "obligation" after that, then all the guys excluding Jin were basically born because the kingdom needed more heirs or something. So then none of them were loved, and I'm not sure Jin even got to feel the love he was supposed to have since his parents didn't have a "happy ending". It’s kinda sad to think that none of the princes ever really got to receive the love they should have received. Anyway, I'm going to laugh my ass off at them when they both fall in love with each other. Their bet is quite interesting though, like the other person can have all of them for all time?? Not sure if I wanted that if I didn't like the other person haha. I guess it's for using them like a servant but loll.

I actually really appreciate Yves guiding her and helping her get to know the princes better, because in Leon and Chevalier's routes, the heroine spent most of her time with the LI themselves so of course she would choose them haha. Also cute to see an LI that isn't good at fighting! I honestly loled when Luke picked Yves up off the ground when the dog tackled him, I can imagine how cute Yves looked😂 Aww Yves has notorious bad luck? I would love to see him slip on banana peels😂 I feel so mean but that sounds so funny😂 Anyway, I didn't realise Luke has only been here for a week! No wonder why he feels like such a normal person lol. It's kinda funny, but it seems that everyone treats Yves like their "little brother" because of how short and innocent he is? Hahaha, I guess he's just so genuinely kind and even though he thinks Nokto is frivolous, he also sees the good stuff about Nokto, and I think that makes them have a soft spot for Yves. I really love how the heroine composed herself and tried to talk to Chevalier again the next day (after she got scared seeing blood all over him). I think that's really brave of her, and you can really see her determination to know all the princes. I find it so cute how Yves was hiding behind a pillar checking if the heroine was okay after talking to Chevalier and Clavis, he's so sweet🤣 I love how they're going on a date for her to get to know him better! And I loved how he styled her hair for her because he thought it was such a waste not to when she looked so pretty in her new outfit! He really noticed her efforts to dress up and I think that's sweet. I never really thought about how much of an effect Yves being half-Obsidianite would be considering he's a prince, but to think that the townspeople so openly talk about him and avoid him like the plague is just crazy. Even when he saves them, they run away from him and think he's dangerous??? How could they do that to this cinnamon roll?!😭 He must be so hurt even if he doesn't show it. It's like he doesn't even belong here. It's sad that Yves’ mother married the king for political reasons and then died giving birth to Yves without ever receiving the love of the king. It's pretty terrible that Yves was abandoned by Obsidian whilst the servants that came here were able to go back, that's quite saddening...

Awww Yves is so adorable to try and protect her whilst indirectly telling her that she's pretty and then running away back to his room or something lmaooo. Okay, Yves' real reason for watching over the heroine is so sweet!! He saw how anxious she looked and knew how it feels to be somewhere foreign and feel like you don't belong, so he decided to help her, that's just so kind and sweet of him😭 I felt so bad for Yves that he had to stress eat in the middle of the night to cope with the pain and hurt from how the townspeople treated him. I wonder how often he does this, it's so sad to see tbh. It was so cute how Leon and them got Yves to make sweets for them haha, they know how soft and kind Yves is🤣 It's honestly so sweet how hard Yves tries his best even when people don't like him, it's so saddening but sweet at the same time. I love how the heroine pushed him to play the violin in the plaza with the townspeople in the territory he governs. I especially loved how she told him to focus on her only and not let the voices of others bother him. She's really helping these people see other sides of him and I think that's nice, since no matter how he says it, Yves really wants these people to like him just as much as he likes them. The heroine and Yves hugging each other in their sleep is so adorable hahaha.

Yves realising that he probably likes the heroine and blushing at everything she does and says to him is the most adorable thing ever. He is so cute and innocent, I love him. I have to agree with Yves that when you dress yourself up, it makes you feel more confident in myself and helps to overcome that weak little voice inside you. It's so sad to see Yves so distraught over how he can't fight against the Obsidianite people, and how his indecision and "weakness" caused Licht to get hurt. I really liked how Rio cheered the heroine up and encouraged her to try and talk to Yves again. I liked how he told her that even if you're beside someone everyday, you still can't know everything about them, and that the desire to understand the other person is what binds them together. I still don't agree with them listening to Obsidian and letting Yves go back to them because it's a crappy situation either way, and they might as well protect Yves in that case. But I guess Yves decided to go himself so you can't stop him, sigh. I'm glad the heroine was able to properly tell him her feelings and even give him her diary showing how sincere her feelings were and how they just continued to pile up and deepen as they got to know each other. Honestly, I was pretty surprised the heroine chose Yves to be king hahahha. I guess each route will have the heroine choose the guy as her lover as well as the king? Like, I guess it makes sense but at the same, it's so dodgy lmao. Anyway, I guess each guy has their good qualities that will make them a good king even if they're not as openly loved and filled with conviction for it as Chevalier and Leon. It's pretty cute how the heroine and Yves spend their days together haha, so silly but cute.

Overall, I liked Yves route but I do think the ending was a bit weird imo, maybe the dramatic ending is better? Anyway, I really enjoyed how kind Yves was, and how the heroine kept slowly discovering little things Yves did that made her realise how truly kind-hearted he was, and how much he cared about the people around him, to the point that everyone else's feelings were always a priority over his own. He's such a cinnamon roll you want to protect all the time, and I always felt like my heart hurt for him whenever it showed how much disdain he got just for having half Obsidianite blood in him. I really enjoyed seeing the heroine and him encourage each other and be there for each other as equals trying their best to "fit in" and try their best to make the other happy, it was pretty sweet, but I still prefer Leon and Chevalier haha.