#codeword: misc

[exilley]

People talk about Dungeon Meshi like they talk about ATLA

[beautifulchaostrash]

OK I know I always talk abt the same things on my blog but maybe some Billy hcs? Or lenzshire? Also your ABC NSFW thing was super good and you had some rlly good stuff in there I died for

DW YOU’RE VALID FOR HYPER FIXATING ON BILLY you get that mfing serotonin boo

So uh, lowkey ive come around to the whole idea of brahms’ age regression and now i have hella headcannons for him(and Billy) UwU

Starting with what I think happened when the first met:

I think that at first, brahms would hate billy, and vice versa. Think about it, Brahms is quiet, tidy, and childlike, but Billy is loud, messy, and extremely adult and vulgar. They’d probably fight a lot in the beginning. They barely can get a grip on coping with their own shit, so trying to understand each other will take some trial and error. Billy is a bit more capable than brahms at expressing himself in a rational adult conversation. It’s not that Billy's necessarily gotten therapy before, it’s just a matter of Billy growing up more or less in the real world and has had more exposure to interacting with other people, while Brahms spent his life sheltered in the walls of his parent’s estate. 

This first set Hc’s is just me going over some of the specifics of those conflicts, and how i think they would get resolved. 

(i originally found this HC on @the-thot-clowns blog, go check them out!) When billy first stumbled across brahms they iimmediately threw hands like a couple of feral alley cats:

Brahms: Who are you? What are you doing here?

Billy: s-suck my f-fat fucking cock yew mangey brit!

Brahms: Oh, well in that case,

A lot of their relationship is founded on trial and error, unfortunately

At first Billy doesn’t understand why brahms uses a kid voice sometimes, he just thought it was him being silly

Unfortunately, that meant that billy treated him like an adult all the time for the first few weeks but…

Let’s just say he learns his lesson very quickly 

He may or may not have gotten throttled for trynna touch brahms’ bootyskjahdjhv

Once that’s all figured out, he is very very very careful  to try not to expose Brahms to adult things when he’s in “kid mode” (for lack of a better term). Which is highkey kinda difficult cause any and all physical affection makes billy go bbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So for the first little while, Brahms will have to settle for simple head pats and hand holds until Billy can get a handle on himself.

Eventually he does, but there are still days where he doesn’t feel comfortable touching him, and Brahms gets upset. Not understanding why he’ll snuggle with him some days, and refuse to even make eye contact with him the next. 

They talk about it though! If there's one thing Billy’s good at, it’s talking.  

Brahms suggests using safe-words, green for go, yellow for slow, red for stop! This makes thing so much easier for the both of them

As much as Billy hates the brahms doll(it’s creepy ok?), it plays very important role in Brahms’ communication/headspace

He carries around the doll when he’s in kid mode and leaves it in his room when he’s normal. Billy calls the doll/kid Brahms ‘Little Brahmsy’ or ‘Brahmsy-boy’ and calls adult Brahms well, just Brahms. 

This leads to a new set of codewords!

When Brahms wants to go out of his headspace he’ll ‘put Little Brahmsy to bed’, tucking the doll away in his childhood bedroom. When he wants to go into headspace, he’ll ‘wake up’ the doll. This helps him transition easier, and it means that Billy knows what's going on. It also means that if Billy has an episode while Brahms is regressed, he can jump out of it quickly and help him.  

And If Billy’s ever unsure, he'll ask if Brahmsy-Boy is ‘awake’. 

They have about -5 when it comes to access to mental health resources qwp

In my mind, billy is very analytical. Always trying to understand the world as though he was breaking down a movie or piece of literature.

He’d probably look online for advice on how to deal with certain things, maybe even order a few self help books(depending on what the situation with brahms’ parents is, he’d probs place an order in their name(brahms still has their credit card info stashed somewhere, let's be real))

It takes brahm’s a while to get used to billy’s constant talking and noisemaking 

Now that that’s out of the way, I wanna talk about some Misc. Hcs I have for them!

Billy reads aloud to Brahms! Whether it’s lessons or a bedtime story or just for entertainment, Billy will put on a show for him. Doing all of the voices, moving around and acting out the ‘scenes’. He’s an incredibly good actor and it makes brahms absolutely giddy!

Brahms on the other hand, has the prettiest singing voice you will probably ever hear in your life, even though he himself doesn’t think it’s all that amazing. His adult voice is low and smooth and makes billy feel all warm and fuzzy. Even his kid voice is oddly soothing to Billy. He’ll sing billy’s favorite lullabies to him when he’s stressed or having an episode!

That shit is like a fing tranqualizer to him. Brahms starts humming mozart while they snuggle on the couch and Billy is out within seconds.

Billy will play music on the stereo just so he can hear Brahms sing along

Brahms likes to watch movies with billy cause he does nothing but give sarcastic remarks the whole time and it makes him giggle

While snuggling, billy discovers that when he taps gently on brahm’s mask with his fingernail, it makes a very lovely sound and brahms’ porcelain mask becomes his new favorite stim toy sorry but he doesn’t make the rules

Another headcannon found on @the-thot-clown blog, Billy and Brahms’ fav place to nap together is brahms’ bedroom in the walls

Billy knows how to play the piano and Brahms’ can play the violin! (if you watch the movie theres a violin in brahms’ secret hideout as well as sheet music) They have music nights and sing and play music together!

Billy purrs a lot when he’s cuddling with Brahms and he thinks it’s super cute!

Despite the misunderstandings and fights in the beginning, they have a *mostly* healthy relationship. Billy does a lot for Brahms, going into ‘caretaker mode’ when Brahms is in headspace. Makes sure he doesn’t get hurt, cooks him meals, and plays games with him.

Brahms effectively gets exactly what he needs, a way to vicariously live through the childhood he never got to have. He doesn’t necessarily act as brahms’ parent though, more like an older sibling or friend of the same age than anything else. Taking care of him is Billy’s way of making up for what happened to Agnes. Brahms gives him comfort and a shoulder to cry on when he needs it. He also gets a secluded space where he can be himself without fear of bullying or resentment.

They do a lot to balance eachother out, and take care of one another. 

-mod elith

[babysizedfics]

Headcanons Masterpost 1

constantly being updated - last edit 13 Sep 2020 

Please do not reblog!

Bold headcanons are my personal faves!

STORY STUFF

Important:

Character history (NEEDS TO BE UPDATED)| Characters’ ages | Character heights | The physics of the mindscape | The mindscape being like real life | Plus virgil's reaction to it

This AU is not necessarily canon compliant

Why Roman is an age dreamer not an age regressor (and why that’s important) | But he has experienced regression | Why Virgil left the dark sides 

Misc:

Characters’ allergies (Plus, Virgil not being honest about his allergy when he first moved in)

CUTE STUFF

Virgil:

Baby keys | Soft food | Accidentally slapping Patton’s glasses off | Fussy baby waking up crying | Brother bonding over minecraft | Hiding how much he regresses when Patton first becomes his CG | Being carried by Mama and Papa | Wearing the caregivers’ sweatshirts | Getting giggly during nursery rhymes | Stealing sweaters | Dresses | Vee loves rain! | Lisping when he hasn't regressed in a while | Rawr | warm blankie from the dryer

Showing the CGs his new dress (art plus HC)

Video of a baby otter drinking from a bottle and we talk about it being like baby vee!!!

Roman:

Protective big bro | Pillow fort | Messy hair | Sad drawings (happy ending) | Throwing himself out of bed to get a cuddle | Acting younger for attention | Doing Logan’s hair | Not being able to sleep and asking Mommy to read to him | Late night sugar rush | Stuttering | Getting hurt and being a brave boy | Codeword for Virgil regressing | Fluffy Roman headcanons | More protective Roman and brother bonding | Gently teasing his brother | More harmless teasing | Real puppy vs. Summoned puppy | stuffie shows to cheer up vee | More fluffy Roman headcanons

Logan: 

Logan reading stories | Sleepy lullabies | Dr Mama’s stuffie hospital | Trying to teach the boys | Migraines and cuddles from roman | countdown til vee regresses (with tickles)

respectable driving on mario kart | deadpan humor

Patton:

Diaper changes | Singing the theme songs of the boys’ favourite little shows | Patton can’t craft |  Barriers and kissing tolls | Patton finding Vee's secret little memories box | Random soft Patton things | Pat-pat came before papa | Pictures of his family and putting drawings up on the fridge | letting vee nibble his finger

Janus:

 Singing a German lullaby and making Logan jealous |  Vee stims with Janus’ scales and Roman steals his hat | Crafting for his new family | Funny little fibs

Remus

Trying to give Roman candy

Multiple:

Pacifiers |  The boys’ nighlights | Little snacks | Little shows | CGs singing | Puddles, baking, reading, stuffies, and birthdays | Little outfits | Tantrums | Little drinks | Chalk patio drawings | Brotherly nail painting | Little playlists | Playing in a pool | More pool | Babygates | Everyone is overprotective of Virgil | Mom and Dad dressing more like a Mom and Dad | Random headcanons | Surprise garden wedding | Playing with toy cars | Caregiver voices | Sippy cups and milk bottles |  Roman and Logan connect with K’NEX | Rilakkuma hyperfixations | CGs sing Pooh lullabies to Vee | Baking and math | the longest the boys have been little plus big virgil with little roman | if they went to an aquarium

Thomas feeling random bouts of happiness when the sides have cute moments | everyone's mario kart characters

[incoherentham]

Strategic Review - Late July 2017

Every month or so I do a review of how my life is going. I’m posting these here now

Positives:

Discovered I like pink moscato

Modified my review system with robustness and decomplecting in mind

Made a bunch of prediction-bets with myself, won a few against Lauren

Cleared out my old anki decks

Studied derivatives and parallel programming

Redeveloped some appreciation for the beauty of math

Housemates came back from their trip and started being awesome and making delicious food all the time

Made homemade sushi and soup

People came over to hang out with me and be social experiment test guinea pigs

Found some new avenues to work on mental health stuff

Negatives:

Confused about effects of supplements

Realized I'd forgotten a whole lot of stuff about R and data science

Worried about maximizing fun and The Culture(tm) at the upcoming CFAR alumni reunion

Pissed off at self-proclaimed Hufflepuffs

Wisdom teeth removal held up in insurance snafu

What’s on my Hot Loop:

Supervised Goals

General

make predictions

strategic reviews

generate + benchmark plans

Testosterone

daily Inboxes

roll to check daily

catchup periods

Community

pulse prn

Clothes

weekly redraw

CPTSD

track episodes

blocks for EMDR

Reunion

track bunnies

dedicated rfis blocks

ML

dedicated blocks for TF

paper catchup

Fathom

dedicted blocks to notate

do visualizer

Benchmarks

Meta

Decomplect - Who, what, when, where why, how

Basics of reasoning - Do the most important thing first, Feedback Loops / Go play outside, Trust your instincts

Track Hours usage

Weekly Predictions roundup every friday

Group tuning

Circling - stay present, authentic

Track speaking time, interrupts

Inboxes

Gmail inbox

Feedly Newest

Anki new/due

Calendar

Social

Speak slow, simply, loud

Curiosity mindset

Testosterone

CPTSD

EMDR

Writing Code

udacity course

programming guide

runtime api docs

Low-Level Programming cards

ML papers cards

Tensorflow cards

Laurenationship

I approve of the algorithm that is you

Level Grinding

TensorFlow

ML papers list

Sort probationary clothes

Listen to Stanford human behavioral biology lecture series on youtube

Parallel programming book, grokking 8086 architecture

Minutiae to absorb

Cooking chemistry facts/vocab from Kitchen Mysteries book

httpd how-to

types of cache associativity

derivative rules

bash shortcuts

info about dropout

what different bid/at betting spreads mean

ML datasets

deep Learning companies/groups

ML algorithms

parallel programming

eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy

intuitive explanation of sines and e

the *music plays* song

set & predicate logic notation

look at the first sharp to figure out the key on sheet music

where things go in my anki decks

file transfer over netcat

how to spell bureaucracy

estimated impact of repealing ACA

translate between orders of magnitude difference in terms of time

Misc scraps

weekly timeboxing summaries

a generator of short intimacy-building exercise (they wound up taking like an hour tho)

I am still looking for people who want to try these out

notes on intentionally building positive self-concept (h/t Kaj Sotala)

a list of awesome public datasets

a list of genetic modifications to consider, from kanzure on hackernews

notes from cryptocurrency talk

R anki cards I want

ideas for a general programming-language cheatsheet anki card template

complecting analysis of my meta/review system

things I want to have 1 or 2-syllable codewords for with my partner

misc sociological studies

meetups to maybe go to

interesting machine learning papers

news feeds I want to keep an eye on

math-heavy papers to attempt reading

website to let you draw a symbol and find out its latex code

how to make cake mix cakes awesome

how symptoms of personality disorders show up (link)

quick breakdown of supplements

[sublimedeal]

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[exilley]

okay any negative thoughts i had about gin no longer revelant. my autistic furry son

[exilley]

i think what makes Your Turn To Die work so well for what it is is because it's not afraid to play both sides in its genre. the very premise of a death game is absurd and difficult to fully shut off that nagging "this makes so little sense" voice of irony in the back of your mind for. it knows to walk that fine line between a scifi horror mystery full of unpredictable twists and heavyhanded emotional development and down to earth plot beats structured around an established set of themes and story arcs. basically, it knows what to play straight and what to turn the dial up for. its character writing is quite a bit uninspired at times, but i think the game has a solid enough identity that its whole is greater than the sum of its parts. i think i'd be remiss not to bring up that it's all developed by one man and available to play completely for free, and in that light, for what it manages to accomplish, it's fairly impressive. pretty good game i'm a bit disappointed it emphasizes the sanctimony and importance of blood family so much <- shin tsukimi and kanna kizuchi sibling reveal made me groan. that was not necessary and doesn't particularly add to the tragedy of either character in any meaningful way

[exilley]

This website wouldnt survive reading Genesis by Jeon Sam-hye

[exilley]

[exilley]

world's first gender-affirming transmisogyny from a cis male radfem

[exilley]

kinda wish mouthwashing didnt get that popular

[exilley]

after school nightmare read is going greatly

[exilley]

i keep thinking about what kim bi says about family in her interview

VC: After meeting her “mother,” Ran comes to realize the importance of “chosen family” and how strong her father has been. What does the word “family” mean to you? KB: Hmm . . . This is probably the most difficult question to answer. For me, family has not been a “shining” thing. Unfortunately, I think my family may have been a mixture of all possible despair, be it ruined people, hurt people, discarded people, or people sacrificed to the violence of the state. My father was injured during the Korean War and was in pain until the day he died. My mother, who bore the brunt of my father’s violence when he drank away his pain, left, leaving behind us three kids. And because of this trauma, my brother became an alcoholic too. My younger sister was probably the greatest casualty: she not only bore all of this despair but also, on top of that, had me, a “transgender” older brother. Of course, I don’t believe that my identity is in any way tied to the ruination of my family life. I believe that we are “born this way,” but it seems that the apriority of being transgender is still the subject of much debate, isn’t it? But is it really important if you are transgender from the moment of birth or not? Isn’t it enough to take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness by changing the way your life might be going for the better? Anyway, “family” always played the role of chaos and more chaos for me. That’s why I don’t know how to write a family that longs for and cares for one another. Since I’m writing works of fiction, I can, of course, write a loving family from my imagination, but if I do, I always feel empty. Since it is something that I was never able to have, I should be able to write what I want, but because my stories are always expressing deeper thoughts, I can’t just write something flippantly. I may already think that that kind of family is unnecessary, which may be why I tend to depict “chosen families” as something far warmer and more comforting. I am also of the belief that humanity needs to broaden its understanding of what family is. We’ve come to an age where we need love for humankind more than familial love, and following this path going forward, rather than limiting “family” to those of the same name or bloodline, I will continue to write stories that center people who are looking out for those closest to them, trying their best for them, and growing.

narratives that reconcile queerness with family resonate with me greatly just by virtue of, my experiences, but i find a lot of it is done as "person finds new people that isn't their blood family and those ties become stronger than the ones with their blood family, who suck ass", which is fine, but it doesn't strike the same chords for me i guess.

in "Tree of Kisses", Ran is an adopted child and her father is a trans woman who took her under their* wing. it reads as the story of living with a queer relative and the hardships tailored to that situation. but central to the story is the fact that Ran is also not someone that society would accept. her mother left the house, her father is trans, and then it turns out she's not related by blood to either of them anyway. at the most she's objectified and dehumanized as something to be pitied: theyre both corrupt existences in a sense. theyre both "queer" in the non-identity sense of the word

and Ran and her dad were also alienated from each other. from Ran's perspective is a certain horror of her expectations of a father figure being an illusion, the foundation of what she loved embodying queerness-- broadly she was afraid of the concept of queerness that she saw in her "dad', and then because her conceptual perception of her "father" is part of herself, the queerness that she recognizes in herself (her adoption, her isolation from her peers, her parents' divorced status, etc)

her arc is about accepting herself as much as it is about accepting her father. she accepts the horror, acknowledges it and chooses to love it. and it is through that choice that enables the gap between her and her father to grow into something that embodies connection. they cease to be a "dad" and start being her family. the person who chose her and who she chooses back.

**The text of the story refers to Ran's parent as her father and uses neutral masculine/neutral pronouns. I use neutral pronouns to respect the writer's intentions in conveying this nuance.

[exilley]

Yofukashi no Uta vampire girl yuri attack ‼️‼️‼️

[exilley]

There’s a lot of things about yttd fans i think are worth commenting on but the reading gay tendencies into the characters is pitiable to me. Im not saying u cant headcanon reko as a lesbian or whatever it’s just why would you would hang your gay little hopes on this game which is written after a normative framework of the world. Like come on this is the game where ex-policeman fake-hitting on highschool girl protagonist is a gag. We dont have to make up things for its characters to be engaging . We have sibling tragedy galore

[exilley]

Ranmaru did nothing for me but i did make fun of him for starting to kill for a girl he knew for just a few hours. Sara wanted a gamer moment to happen to her and he decided he needed to get a bit judas from the bible about it