#I may or may not have cried a bit while writing those letters

[teecupangel]

Do we have a Phonenix yet in the menagire? We need one.

Phoenix!Desmond, probably looking like a normal bird for the most part, and stays with Sef when they go after the mongols (Altair probably thinks he's getting too old he looked a bit ratty lately) and takes the hit when Swami tries to kill him.

Idk whether to have this crack or angest with them thinking Desmond died, had a chick, and was apparently a female bird the entire time.

Okay, so I was checking the Phoenix wiki page for any information if it would be possible that Altaïr would know what a phoenix is and there’s this part written by Herodotus (yes, Kassandra’s Herodotos)

[The Egyptians] have also another sacred bird called the phoenix which I myself have never seen, except in pictures. Indeed it is a great rarity, even in Egypt, only coming there (according to the accounts of the people of Heliopolis) once in five hundred years, when the old phoenix dies. Its size and appearance, if it is like the pictures, are as follow: The plumage is partly red, partly golden, while the general make and size are almost exactly that of the eagle. They tell a story of what this bird does, which does not seem to me to be credible: that he comes all the way from Arabia, and brings the parent bird, all plastered over with myrrh, to the temple of the Sun, and there buries the body.

… which may be a reference to Bennu, the Egyptian deity connected to the sun, creation, and rebirth.

So Altaïr would meet him during his travels with Maria and he just stays. They assume he’s an exotic bird (or eagle), maybe a native to one of the places Altaïr and Maria visited.

Altaïr never told them that the bird flew into his room one night and began to chirp at him as if trying to tell him something. He also tried to tap the Apple but all it did was glow a bit.

The bird had been quite annoyed by it and began to hit it with his talons so quickly the Apple had a taptaptaptaptap sound rapidly before Altaïr could take the Apple.

After that, the bird just decided to sit on Altaïr’s shoulder when he left his room the following morning and Maria assumed he had bought the bird yesterday when they went their separate ways.

Her guess sounded so much better than the truth which was Altaïr spent the entire day yesterday holed up in his room, writing letters to be sent back to Masyaf as part of his deal with Malik in exchange for letting him go on this trip (which was to send letters detailing the geopolitical situations of the places he travels to with suggestion on what the Brotherhood should do in those parts… if they could do anything).

So nobody ever questioned the mentor’s newly acquired bird (except Malik but Malik had been more focused on the ex-Templar that Altaïr brought to Masyaf and married).

Then Darim and Sef were born and the bird (named Desmond because Altaïr thought of the name first when Maria asked what the bird’s name was) usually stayed with the children, letting out loud screeching cries whenever one of the two children were doing something they shouldn’t do.

When they got older, Darim and Sef learned the word ‘bribe’ and how Desmond can be easily bribed to look the other way in favor of delicious food.

Desmond stayed in Masyaf though, regardless if Altaïr or any of his sons left for a mission or to travel to a bureau. At some point, the bird had become a symbol of Brotherhood with its gold and red plumage.

So when Altaïr left with Maria and Darim to take down Genghis Khan, it was only natural for Desmond to stay with Sef in Masyaf.

Altaïr had been a bit conflicted though as Desmond’s feathers had grown quite… dull and he was moving slower than usual.

Maria and Malik both told them that Desmond was growing old and maybe it was time but the Ibn-La'Ahad boys refused to believe that.

Darim also believed that they might find medicine in one of the camps of the Mongols as they have been to many lands.

So when Desmond flew to protect Sef and got stabbed on the chest by Swami, Swami screamed as Desmond became shrouded in flames.

Swami burned as well and Sef could only watch in horror as white hot flames consumed the both of them.

Swami was left as a corpse charred beyond recognition.

While Desmond…

Only ashes remained…

And from those ashes…

Sef heard a small chirp.

As a little chick with red and gold plumage poked his head out of the ashes, shaking the ash from his small body.

Sef could only stare as he asked, “Desmond?”

And the bird gave him an enthusiastic chirp while jumping.

[whooiew]

Hi! I'm very curious about what is the basis of the Kafsant ship? Just cause cute?

Hello! I actually have a full script for this one question!

I'll separate them into different bits depending on how interested you are in learning more

They both came from a pretty fucked up past Kafka needing to fight tooth and nail to survive on the Columbian streets Snowsant with POVERTY and RACISM They both also have a fondness for braids Kafka is all street smarts and 0 books smarts While Snowsant is all books smarts (a literaly prodigy engineer) and 0 street smarts (extremely obvious in her operator records) Snowsant is anxious and worries a lot about the future (not anymore since So Long Adele, she has more self confidence now, we love to see it) Kafka is more of a living in the moment kinda girl And most importantly, the part that slam jams this ship together in the first place Snowsant is a place of comfort and reliability that the operators can rely on She's extremely genuine and pure of heart Kafka desperately needs a place of comfort and reliability in her life, and is magnitized to people who she sees as genuine, cause she just, wants someone that she can trust

And from here we'll be going into the DETAILS (1257 words ahead, might get sexual towards the end)

Kafka has absolutely no idea what love is like, in fact she's completely avoiding it most of the time due to her past but due to the nurture and nature dillema of Kafka

She actually greatly yearns for any sort of connection, as shown in her operator records featuring Silence Her Module featuring Silence Her Operator files featuring Rhodes Island treating them extremely well, as shown in Pinecone's Operator Records and Kafka's Files where she takes cares of the children and actively makes gifts for the Mansfield crew Snowsant on the other hand we don't really have any idea how she's like in terms of the concept of love, but if the liberi trend is anything to go by she'll be pretty intimate with it, making Kafka the one outlier whom's actively avoiding it

And I have a concept on how they've met actually

In case you didn't know, Kafka's basically Arknight's version of Robin Hood, she runs around stealing and stabbing people on the streets of Columbia but she still has a heart of gold and really only shanks those that deserves it, if they don't she'll just steal it, and she also looks out for her fellow hobos despite everything

IN Kafka's operator records, towards the end it was shown that Silence has met Kafka before actually

Back when Kafka stole Silence's breakfast and passes it along to a homeless child before running off, she also paid Silence of course, leaving her with a single coin (we'll come back to the coin part in a bit for brain rot) Now how does this tie to Snowsant you may wonder Snowsant's a Lungmen character isn't she? She's from Lungmen, how would she have met a Columbian WELL MY DEAR READER SNOWSANT'S BEEN TO COLUMBIA BEFORE!

Using her painfully saved up money and her winnings at Lungmen's Invention Competition, she moved to Columbia to further her studies to be the most EPIC ENGINEER EVER

But life for our little Snowsant isn't that good in Columbia

Being a Lungman Citizen she got hit with a good dose of RACISM, her social standing doesn't help either, causing her to not be treated that kindly throughout her stay there

If you've read So Long Adele, you should know that Snowsant cried herself to sleep over the prices of writing letters there

She was not well off in Columbia at all Now she actually made something FUCKING AMAZING, ABSOLUTELY REVOLUTIONARY, but due to her ZERO STREET SMARTS, she didn't copyright it, it got stolen, and the thieves made BANK with HER CREATION, ASSHOLES

Least to say poor Snowsant was fucking dying at this point

Now that's when our favorite corvid comes along, KAFKA, OUR ROBIN HOOD, she descends from the heavens to provide food and stuff whenever she can to Snowsant cause Snowsant's her fellow hobo at this point basically And of course eventually Snowsant goes back to Lungmen and stuff yadda yadda BUT EVENTUALLY, Snowsant and Kafka met back up on Rhodes again

Snowsant's of course very thankful and stuff, and from there on they sorta just hang out more cause Kafka's like, omg a fellow street kid YOOOOOO

So Kafka pays more attention in terms of taking care of Snowsant, which causes Snowsant to think Kafka might have feelings for her, after a bit eventually Snowsant drags her on a date and something something, oh hey maybe Kafka likes her too and she'll have to be forced to confront to the idea of it causing her to explode into a mess of feathers

As a result who knows Snowsant might think she did something wrong due to how she is as a a character and now its a MESS OH NO, eventually Kafka will have to get through to her feelings and confront it and YIPPEE YURI Apart from that I just think they'd be really cute with each other, they bounce off each other's flaws really well, like, Kafka's infinite confidence and gusto countering Snowsant's sheer lack of it

And Snowsant just being a general safe zone for Kafka to let her guard down around, because Snowsant's never really hiding anything, she's always genuine

Which is something Kafka really likes. ALSO THEY HAVE THE SAME LIBERI TRAIT OF SIDE HAIR FEATHERS And that's pretty much the basics

So now that we've gone over express details on how Snowsant and Kafka are like as characters I'ma explain a bit more about them Snowsant is a pure of heart girl, your average goodie two shoes, she's a prodigy genius, she has an insane amount of mental endurance, being able to go through failure after failure but despite it all still being able to keep her head up high and continue moving forward

She cares for her family greatly, family is extremely important to her in fact, hell a good amount of her paycheck gets sent back to her family even

But all of that comes with a price, she's still slightly anxious about things, doesn't really take care of herself, and has a nasty habit of, zoning in too much (this will be discussed further later)

Kafka on the other hand, on the surface may seem like an annoying piece of shit, but once you get to know her she actually has a heart of gold, becoming Rhodes Island's invisible guardian angle in a sense, looking out for her fellow operators whenever wherever

She also has a fondness for kids as she visits them often and even makes gifts for them

Speaking of gift making, Kafka is an avid tinkerer and arts and crafts nerd

And of course can't forget, harboring of PLANT AUTISM

But yeah, she cares for people greatly, especially ones that's close to her

Be it anyone from the Mansfield Crew Silence Ifrit (implied) You the Doctor She's the peak of Liberi, with how Liberi characters are usually very caring about their relationships, be it their S/O or their friends and family, they care greatly for them Fitting for Kafka because she's a Jackdaw! Jackdaws immensely loyal to their partners and will pretty much never leave one once they find one all that aside, I just think these 2 would be really sweet and they'd just be happy to have someone that they can lean on especially Kafka

(This is where the sexual parts are: )

There's also the side to Snowsant where she actually surprisingly dominant

Which unironically fits how White Eared Pheasants are like

I've always made Snowsant the more assertive one, and more recent Snowsant content supports that fact

There's some parts to Snowsant, small parts, but pieced together it shows a bigger picture and I'd say Snowsant does have a dominant side to her but she keeps it in check It'll only really come out when she's in the mood and zone for it, specifically when she starts zoning stuff out again Like damn yeah she'd definitely tie Kafka up and whisper sensually into her ears while teasing her

The whole zoning out thing I've explored a bit more when writing a specific short fic but it was shown officially in her operator records where Snowsant completely zoned out everything around her when she got caught thinking about how to pay for her book publishing fee, completely zoning out the fact that Closure was telling her that Doc and Closure already paid for it

Which fits into white eared pheasants being usually pretty reserved when it comes to the act of sex until a switch flips on and they go into a breeding frenzy

Also Snowsant's fucking RICH NOW BABY YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[hyungseos-cafe]

Pairing: P1harmony Jiung x GN!Reader Ft. Theo and Keeho

Word count: 581

Summary: When things get rocky between Jiung and Y/n, Keeho urges him to write a letter explaining his feelings.

A/n: Hey so you remember that one letter Jiung wrote to Y/n that I was telling you about?? Lol well here it is! I was supposed to post it months ago, but I kept putting it off. I hope you enjoy!!

Order for: @sxfterhearts @p1ecesofate @issadumbass @stellxx @sunnydeized @halaboyz @chenleluvr @astro-doll-the-star @zynz0 @orangebl0ssoms - unable to tag

┊⋆ ˚✯✩. Songs to listen to while reading: Let Me In - Exo, It'll Be Ok - Yoandri, Fair-Weathered Friend - Bruno Major .✩✯⋆ ˚ ┊

Read this first! (The original fic this letter is intended for)

Daily click for Palestine | Learn more about Palestine

2024.08.25

Hi my love,

Keeho told me that you liked getting letters and I realized that throughout our relationship I haven’t really sat down to write you one and I’m sorry. I hope to change that, but it may be too late, isn't it? I don’t know but I love you so much. I don’t have an excuse for why I treated you so poorly and honestly I shouldn’t be making excuses. You deserve so much better and yet you chose to stay by my side. I could never thank you enough for being with me through thick and thin. Just your presence alone motivated me to continue my journey and work harder as a producer.

I wanted to say that I’m sorry for not being more present... which is ironic considering you’ve been there for me and yet I couldn’t return the gesture. Some boyfriend, right? Now that I’m thinking about it I should have done more for you. I should have put my work on pause  because let’s face it, it’s not like it would have hurt my career. The only reason I’m where I am today is because of you and the support you’ve given me.

That night should not have ended the way it did. I should have ran after to stop you from walking away. I should have fought more for our relationship. I don’t know why I just sat there, it was so stupid of me. You know Theo and Keeho nearly jumped me when I told them we had ended things. Theo called me an idiot and Keeho, well you know how he is. He said he’d throw out my music equipment if I didn’t do something. Babe, you don’t understand, he literally showed up at my studio everyday for a week to remind me.

All this to say that I love you so much. I miss our silly dates and the times you made me smile. Like that one time we both cried watching Up and when we both got lost in the middle of the night trying to find your apartment. I miss those times and I miss how you used to leave me meals in front of my studio with the sweetest notes (I keep them in a box under my bed) and how you always call me first when you have good news, not even Keeho. I miss when you’d fall asleep on my shoulder when we’d take the bus home from the studio and your little happy dances when you ate good food. God, I should probably stop, but I won’t. I don’t know how else to say this, but I am still so deeply in love with you.

When the time comes and if you give me another chance, I want to say how blessed I am to have you in my life. Who else am I going on my nature walks with? Who else enjoys hikes? Theo and Keeho said they’d rather be stuck doing my laundry rather than explore nature with me (maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point). I love sending you pictures of my hikes, the sky or animals because they remind me of how beautiful you are. Your beauty truly surpasses nature and I am so lucky to have had you in my life.

Until then, please continue to take care of yourself and know that I am always here for you.

Sincerely,

Your one and only Choi Jiung 

[vickyvicarious]

THE EXCITEMENT and joy even just in how Mina says the date...!

The way she says "has been ill, that is why" with such utter relief. And then "I am not afraid to think it or say it, now that I know." - the way she's been so diligently refusing to put words to her fears and how happy she is that she doesn't have to anymore.

The letter by her heart is SO GOOD. The fact that she cried all over it and then tucked it against her heart, god. Mina is so evocative about love.

"Lucy will bring my trunk to London and keep it till I send for it, for it may be that ..." - I guess this means that she won't need it if she is getting married and moving in with him right away? Not really sure.

God, I love how she calls him "my husband." He already is in her heart and mind, and as soon as is physically possible she wants to make sure he is legally too. She is so eager to be reunited with him, and in as permanent a way as possible.

...and then an abrupt tonal shift.

"He is usually respectful to the attendant and at times servile; but to-night, the man tells me, he was quite haughty." honestly, Renfield plays a role so knowingly all the time. I may have to write a separate post about this at some point, maybe later on for spoiler reasons, but. It's very deliberate use of resources/appeal to those with power over him.

by the way, I love every single time Renfield speaks. LOVE his voice.

The little laugh in Seward's voice when joking about religious mania, man he sounds super condescending today.

"His attitude was the same towards me" Seward is soooo offended, I think it's part of why he gets so abruptly dismissive and scornful, all 'he'll probably think he's God himself next!'. It's because Renfield, in acting dismissive to him, is placing him on equal level with the attendant. Renfield acting like he's more important than both of them is obviously madness, but acting like Seward himself isn't the most important one in the asylum staff especially is discrediting his status. It also is denying the bond they have. Not that I think Renfield ever considers his relationship with Seward as any kind of special bond, but the doctor sure does. He talks about his pet madman, his friend Renfield, etc.... And by being so dismissive and uninterested here, by treating him just like the attendants, Renfield is essentially denying that outright. He gets a bit upset and lashes out with dismissive talk about Renfield being mad.

I really like the little echo on the asylum voices. Also, once again, the sound quality of the phonograph recordings.

Classic Seward being a dork reciting chemical compositions to his audio diary. "I have thought of Lucy, and I shall not dishonour her by mixing the two" - I wonder if this line is more about him not wanting her linked with his abnormalities (needing to take a sleep aid), or maybe hints at him knowing he's likely to have dreams about her if he goes to sleep while thinking of her. If so, whatever dreams he may have, he seems to think they wouldn't be appropriate/fair to her.

The way he says "errant swarm of bees" is so funny

"He is a selfish old beggar anyhow." coming right after Renfield petitioning Dracula's door. Man, the contrast between Renfield's emotion and wavering voice - and Seward's casual mockery about it - is very striking. Once again I think part of this is Seward being angry about being shut out/embarrassed/having to hunt him down. But it's pretty upsetting how his reaction to Renfield behaving in uncontrollable ways is to dismiss (what he assumes are) his motives, to dehumanize him ("more like a wild beast than a man") and physically restrain him.

[liannaflower]

Hey, I love your fics on AO3 so much! I was wondering what your 3 favourite fics that you've written are? 💙

My favourite fics of mine🧡

heeeey🧡

thank youu, you're making me blush and it's still early for that😊🤭

but huh this is a tough question, although I frequently think about it (and now I'm gonna list all my fics because I just can't pick😂)

Punishment:

Okay, this one is easy and I think obvious? The only multi-chaptered fic I finished (as far as I can remember) but most definitely the first of those. I think it's also my highest wordcount for a fic yet, but it will be surely surpassed once I finish other wips.

It has smut, which is my fave to both write and read, duh, a bit of dramatics with slight angst, and a lot of taboo. It's sinful and I just love it. Although I wish continuing it with its sequel would be as easy as this fic was.

It's also my favourite ship at the moment, duh. And my first non-Perpollo and also my first Perseidon content. The change from Perpollo was slow but much needed! (As you can see I almost never write Perpollo now, mostly only in Percy/gods stories, I just don't like it that much anymore, although it used to be my fave...)

2. Reference letters for NRU:

This is also an easy pick, I just LOVE the idea behind it, as much as I hate the idea behind the books that will come out, hence why I changed it to be more enjoyable because smut just always helps��🥰

Not finished, yet, but I remember the Zeus chapter was sooo much fun, and quite possibly a record in my chapter/smut wordcount. I'm soo looking forward to continuing it. Hopefully, we'll see the end soon. If I had to guess this will be the second finished multi-chaptered fic of mine.

Now, this is where things get messy. I kept thinking about my fics, and while I've written some one-shots that I absolutely adore (khm, Tale of Tails, or I'm feeding on denial, fooled by my own betrayal and Happy Father's Day!) I simply cannot place them as third, because mostly once one-shots are done, they're almost never actively in my mind afterwards. Although I do enjoy frequently re-reading these works, and up to this day I wouldn't change a thing in them, so that's love.

But because I wanna put multi-chaptered works here I have two candidates for the third place:

like the lazy ocean hugs the shore

and

No Point In Running From Your Fate

These are both very recent fics, with not-so-recent ideas behind them. I think I had these since May in my ideas doc. 😅

But only one can be third so...

3. No Point In Running From Your Fate:

Although the other is more catching for me, as for the story and angsty feelings, that's a bigger project for sure. Therefore harder to write. Also, this one is less of a slow-burn, which I both love and hate. Mostly hate to write lol.

It will have smut very soon, and it's a much different idea than any of my others, since it's A/B/O, with my own personal system for it. I'm aware the A/B/O dynamic in it is a bit ridiculous perhaps, but I didn't wanna write the conventional one.

Honorable mentions for the list are Sunflower and The Days Of Our Love, my first stories to post on AO3. (let's pretend I never wrote anything prior to those) And while I love TDOOL (the new edition) for its structure (the increase-decrease change in wordcounts of present-past ratio) I love Sunflower for its end... which you don't know yet. But I cried a lot over it... lmao. However I'm stuck with them for multiple reasons, one, I don't enjoy Perpollo anymore, two, Sunflower is at a place where it's hard to continue, due to its themes, and how much self-reflection is in it.

However, I'm looking forward to finishing more of my recent stories too. I really enjoy Pasiphae's Curse (it will have its variations, in like 4 versions) Substitute Boyfriend and Gentlemen's Club too.

Well, that was a lot of fics listed 😂😂

But why would someone write if they don't love their stories?

Anyways, now I'm curious what were your faves?

[talldarkandroguesome]

14th of Hearthfire, Turdas

I am glad the children are back. Their arrival meant that there is only so much that the Council can put upon my shoulders. After all, they want the girls to get a proper Dunmer education, in whatever vain hopes they have of acclimating them to our culture above all else.

Admittedly, they are having much luck with Cariel, who has, as I noticed, begun to turn away from her carnivorous diet and partake in the vegetable and fruit portions of the Dunmer meal. Kuna threatens to tell Nabine about it, but then Cariel cries and Kuna says she will not if the crying will stop.

I have reminded Cariel that, even if she is within my home, she should remain obedient to the wishes of her mother. That it is important that she not simply throw away those important tenants of faith simply out of curiosity. She did not like that answer and I often see her going to the kitchens and sneaking back out with bits of fruit and pickled vegetables.

Of course I do not wish to go against Nabine's wishes. I want her choices on how to raise her girls to be honored. Yet I know that when I was denied the opportunity to try new things and to enjoy what I desired, it only caused me to further seek out the taboo and forbidden.

So when I notice the sound of her footsteps coming from the basement, I do not turn towards her. I look in the corner of my eye, simply to ensure nothing she is doing is unsafe or has a potential for harm, but I turn a blind eye to her snacks of pickled radish or stewed turnips or dried fruits. The Nord treats that arrive for Sildras and Avon's pleasure may wind up within her grasp and I do not make any mention of it, pretending instead that I do not notice it.

While it is possible that, as her body is not used to such foods, she might have a reaction, I do no think that such a consequence is a bad one. What better way to learn the weight of your actions than to experience the consequences.

I have never forbidden her to take foods during mealtimes, I only remind her of her mother's words. When she still insists, especially when her sister is not present, I tell her that it is fine to be curious and try new things, but that she will have to be honest with her mother if she is asked about it. And to be aware that her mother might not be pleased with her choice. I think I may write a letter to Nabine to let her know that, while I have attempted to keep certain foods from her, Cariel's curiosity is beyond my reprimands. I will ask her how she should like for me to handle such things in future so that Cariel is given a clear directive from both of us. I know how dangerous it would be if she shows the same curiosity within Valenwood and I do not wish her to develop potentially dangerous habits.

In other news, Tel is going to arrive in a few days. I have begun the preparations. Cheerz has already prepared a room and I have asked Black-Silk-Earth to ensure the completion of the clearing my schedule for the length of the visit. It will only be for a week's length and so I wish to make the most of it.

Tonight, I visit the Harborage. It is the night that I announce the contest for who shall become the vessel for our Prince's Summoning Day. It is hard to believe we are within a month now of the blessed day!

I think I shall do something rather similar to last year, but perhaps with a twist. Or perhaps I shall try something a bit daring? It is hard because the future Deathweavers have much harder tasks in their training and it does not seem fair that some who would work far less vigorously be given a reward over them.

Maybe I shall have a new task altogether.

We do not have another meeting before the Summoning Day, as the new moon of Masser falls upon the day after the Summoning Day. As such, it will mean a two day celebration at the Harborage for the Nest. I shall have to speak with the Farseer when the family arrives, to let her know of my obligations elsewhere. Surely she will understand. I am sure she will prefer my decision, given how she did not like Zethith's arrival last year.

I must ensure that I pass to Zethith my intentions for the Summoning Day and before. I know that they will have many ideas or opinions on how to improve my ideas.

Also, I wish to honor Leythen. He is, as far as I am creating the history of it, the founder of our Nest at the Cathedral of Webs. He is the Grandfather of our Nest.

I have begun to think again about the words of the Farseer and of Zethith. There is a possibility to tie Leythen as an ancestor to us. That I could use the same method we use with our blood relatives to create a line of Widows. When the time comes for me to pass along the role of Widow of the Harborage, I wish for that Widow to feel as though they must honor and give thanks to Leythen. That they might also be able to give him the same worship that we give our own flesh and blood. After all, Leythen gave his life for the survival of Nirn. His daughter is dead, his bloodline is ended. His legacy comes from us. And I wish to ensure that he knows that he has a bright and prosperous legacy. That he can see it. Feel it. I want that for him.

The only way this may work would be to appeal to my Prince. I have not spoken directly to Her since the battle that ultimately took Leythen's life. I do not even know if He would speak with me. Yet I remain hopeful that it were possible, for a price.

To ask so much of a god will certainly come with a grave cost. Yet I cannot stand the thought that Leythen should not be tied more intimately to our Nest. That I will never be able to speak with him again or seek his guidance.

So tonight, before I gather with my Spiderlings, I shall ask Zethith about the procedure of appealing to our Prince for such a request.

I must remain strong. Short of giving the life of a loved one, I do not think anything is too great an ask. I must be prepared for something grave. And be prepared to give it.

[spookygemz]

polaroid, email!

polaroid: a random headcanon

Marlene knows how to play the piano, or at least they did before the war. The McKinnons all grew up with a baby grand in the house, and throughout their youth and adolescence it was a home full of music. They were never as good as their older brother Gabriel (who was just a genius outright at whatever he put his mind to) or their younger sister Thalia (whose love of music and musical instruments was unparalleled), but it’s always been something they enjoyed. As a result of their lessons, Marlene is also ambidextrous, which comes in handy. Their hands aren’t as flexible as they once were, of course, what with the scars… they aren’t even sure they’d be able to play again if they ever tried to. But even now, one of their many nervous habits is to play out familiar songs on whatever surface is available to them, fingers ghosting over an invisible keyboard, melodies sounding only in their mind. And piano music still does something inexplicable to Marlene, setting them into a kind of trance whenever they hear it.

email: three letters/messages you never sent and one you did

To their mother; scribbled out, smeared, tear-stained, & crumpled up on their desk:

why did they save me? Why bother? I would have rather gone with the rest of you than be left here alone. 

only I’m not alone am I? That’s the worst part… 

Sometimes I hate him because he’s the only thing keeping me chained to the earth, otherwise I’d have flown off long ago… I’d be with you.

It’s not his fault, god what am I saying? he’s the one who’s trapped here. he’d probably be glad to be rid of me as long as I unlocked the door first…

god I miss you. I miss how you knew me and how you said my name and how your hand touched mine. I can’t feel that anymore… I suppose it’s a fitting punishment.

Why would they murder innocent children in their beds and spare me? My baby brother My nephew, and my little niece still in a crib… My little sisters… Fuck

I’m glad you’re there to watch over them… It’s good that I’m not there. I don’t deserve it I couldn’t save any of them

I didn’t save anyone

please tell them I’m sorry

To Lily; burned:

I used to look up to you… now… I can’t believe that you’re even the same person… In my nightmares you’re not Lily at all… you’re someone else wearing her skin… something else maybe… a former Death Eater that’s been choking down Polyjuice Potion for the last ten years, who’s still harvesting hair off the real Lily locked away somewhere… 

Is that it? Do you have the real Lily locked up? Because I don’t recognize you, and I don’t trust you.

Think of your son, Lily. please for the love of god think of your son. he wouldn’t want to see you like this…  you’d terrify him, just as you terrify me… 

You might just be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen…

To Mary; torn up & burned:

I wish I could make you see things how I see them… it’s not like I’m a prophet or a genius or anything I just… 

you’ve missed a lot… it seems like an impossible gap to bridge doesn’t it? maybe it is easier to burn it all down instead of letting the ones who took it all away from you keep it without consequence. I wish I knew how to fix it all, babe, I really do. but the world’s beyond fixing now…

I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss your fucking voice so much. 

but I can’t help but think of all I’ve lost every time I see you in my mind… you remember my siblings right? you loved them too. and now they’re gone, burned up by someone’s anger… 

Are you gonna burn up whole families and babies in their beds, Mary?

I love you. Please don’t do this.

To Moody; sent at 1 AM after half a bottle of firewhiskey:

listen if you have something to say to me I’d appreciate you just coming out with it… I know lurking is your MO but I gotta say, it’s not exactly stealthy. especially not the cigar butts… believe it or not we don’t really have the right crowd for that in my neighborhood.

so anyway why don’t you come in and finish this bottle of Ogden’s with me? still your drink of choice? it’s been too long since we last talked, we could trade horror stories and you could watch me from a little closer. I wouldn’t mind.

misery loves company right?

love, Marley

[imdoingaokay]

Hi! I really like your writing and had a request - Sole is constantly telling these crazy stories about their life before the war and their companions just assume it’s bs because there’s no way sole ACTUALLY did any of that. It makes for good stories on the road, though. But one day they somehow find out that Sole never made up a single one of these stories - their life was just Like That.

I have had this ask in my inbox for over 6 months. Since I got it, I have slowly been chipping away at it. Finally, I have finished it.

Finally, I can rest.

Anon, my sweet dear anon, this one is for you, my sweetie.

“But I was fine by the end of it. Just a few scrapes.” Sole said, earning a chuckle or nod from their companion, who was still skeptical of the validity of Sole’s stories

Cait

Cait didn’t and wouldn’t believe Sole. I mean, they were amazing, yes, that was a given. But saving seven children from a burning building? Setting three different world records in one day because they wanted to? Bullshit.

Cait was finished with work for the day, and it was Codsworth who greeted her once she entered one of the little houses she called home.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Cait!” He said gleefully, to which Cait grunted and fell against the sofa in the “living room” or whatever Sole had called it.

“Goodness, allow me to clean up the mess around you, ma’am.” Codsworth would quickly pick up large, yellowed pieces of paper off the coffee table in front of the exhausted Cait.

“Oi, what is that?” Cait asked, seeing a few of the large, bolded letters.

“Oh, this is from when sir/mum saved those children before the war. They saved the paper of that-” Codsworth began, only to have the paper nearly ripped out of his metallic grasp.

“What the fockin’ hell?” Cait cried out, reading the headline of the paper and seeing the picture of a smiling, pre-war Sole. Okay, so maybe Sole was telling the truth?

Curie

Curie was floored, “Non!” She spoke, leaning into Sole’s words, “Zhat is impossible!” She cried.

“How could you be the creator of zhe Miss Nanny?” She asks. “Oh, no… Curie, I was just the person who came up with the general idea. Like, I was the person who made the first one. I sold my blueprints to General Atomics and they sort of ran with it. That’s how we got Codsworth in the first place, he was a gift for the blueprints.”

Curie sort of stands there in disbelief for a moment, before nodding slowly. Sole was very smart, at least to her. But still, it seemed a tiny bit far-fetched.

Only one person who knew Sole better than… anyone.

“Codsworth?” She asked politely, walking into Sole’s home, greeted by the Mr. Handy robot.

“May I ask you something?” She says before she is ushered to the dirty couch that Codsworth had been attempting to clean.

Curie stays with Codsworth for an hour or two, while Codsworth regales the tale of Sole and their spouse setting him up for the first time, and how he remembers the General Atomics Representative helping the couple. The rep had thanked Sole for the blueprints and offered Codsworth as a loyal companion and robot for free.

“How happy I was when they accepted.” Codsworth sighed happily. To which Curie smiled and nodded.

She wouldn’t know how to respond to Sole about the whole thing, does that mean that Sole is her creator in a very complicated way?

She ponders on that for hours before Sole returns to take her back out on an adventure. That is when she decides that Sole is a lot of things, but a friend they are first.

Danse

Danse has a different outlook than most others. His introduction to Sole was them coming out of nowhere, potentially still in their vault suit, shooting like a crazy person at the feral ghouls that had been attacking him and his team. So the idea of him being someone who had the ability to walk an old lady across the street, then save her life when a car nearly rammed into them? It wasn’t that far-fetched.

He can’t help but smile as Sole casually tells their stories, and often encourages them to tell more. He feels strangely comfortable when they tell him. 

Maybe he thinks that way because he trusts Sole, or he likes how Sole really is cut from a different cloth. The thought that someone could do so much good, just because they are in the right place at the right time, is something else.

He doesn’t get proof. Doesn’t even seek out proof, he just believes Sole. If someone else doesn’t believe Sole, he sort of just sighs before telling stories that he can personally vouch for, like the pair’s first meeting.

He doesn’t realize it, but that’s his favorite story to tell about Sole. About the person who changed his life.

Deacon

“Come on, Sole.” Deacon laughs, “Lying is my thing.” Deacon would grin, feigning offense. Sole would merely shrug and turn away,

“Hey, I said my piece.” They spoke, before getting called away by Drummer Boy.

Deacon sat by the coffin, sipping his Nuka-Cola quietly before eventually getting up, there had to be some proof of this. Right?

About an hour later, Deacon was in the Boston Public Library, some poor synth had been holed up in there for a few days, and Doctor Carrington had sent them a care package. The synth perked up at the sight of the two, immediately clamoring to Sole’s side, gasping and fumbling over their words.

Deacon wasn’t initially surprised, after all, Sole had done their fair share of-

“You’re the one who lifted those cars! The one who saved that pinned girl!” The synth exclaimed, “I read about it in this old newspaper!” The synth raised an old, yellowed paper. Deacon nearly choked on his spit before looking over Sole’s shoulder.

“Read ‘em and weep.” Sole laughed, shoving the papers into Deacon’s hands. On the paper, with the biggest headline of “Hero Passerby Saves Child!” was a picture of a pre-war Sole, looking… like they hadn’t been in the wasteland a day in their life.

Deacon thought to himself, ‘Lying really is my thing, huh?’

Gage

“Bullshit.” He says plainly, “You and I both know you didn’t save some snot-nosed kid from one of the rides here.”

That’s his response. He doesn’t elaborate. And if Sole tries to argue with him, he just starts saying “BULLSHIT” progressively louder and louder.

If Sole is as stubborn as Gage, the two continue for a few minutes, until either Sole gives up or Gage gets so upset he throws a few insults toward Sole before huffing and puffing away.

He ignores Sole for a while, pouting almost like a child when the pair are alone. So when Sole decides to travel without him for a bit, he attempts to find some proof, of Sole’s exploits. Of course, he does, not with the ease of course. The report of a burning attraction was not something that Nuka-World wanted to announce to the world, but it was definitely somewhere in a terminal or two.

He doesn’t bring it up, not when he finds out. A part of him wants to announce how badass their Overboss is, but then he thinks how badly the gangs will take that. How the mean old Overboss did some good samaritan shit. 

He’s still impressed. And hopefully, Sole doesn’t expect any sort of praise.

Hancock

“Wait seriously?” Hancock puts down his beer as he continues to listen.

“Yeah, swear to God. It was insane. I just remember blacking out. I mean, I remember some of the night. I think we actually went to Hotel Rexford on our little spree.” Sole had explained. The pair were settled down in The Third Rail, and Sole had told the story of their first real blackout. How they had traveled all over Boston, causing chaos in their wake.

“They may still have my picture because I remember being banned after what I did at the bar.” Sole laughed before Hancock thought for a moment.

“Finish your drink, I wanna see.” Hancock smiled, “I swear if they have it, I wanna frame  it.” Sole laughed at him.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

In the next few minutes, the pair, obviously a little tipsy, stumbled to Rexford to beg for some of the old records they had. And lo and behold, a large picture of a very drunk Sole came into the pair’s possession. Along with the picture was a very red, bolded line of text detailing how Sole would never be allowed back to Rexford for the rest of their lives. 

“Jokes on them, I was the least of their worries.” Sole giggled.

“Yeah… now let’s get this shit framed.” Hancock smiled, wrapping an arm around Sole while the pair walked back onto the street and continued their drunken antics.

MacCready

MacCready raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, whatever. And I’m the King of The Commonwealth.”

Sole shrugged, “Hey, it’s just a story… You can keep your panties in a wad if you want.” 

MacCready sat at their table while Sole returned to Charlie, getting the pair another round of drinks.

Eventually, the pair made it back to Sanctuary, and on the way, MacCready hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the bogus story of their life before the bombs. So, he went up to Codsworth. Demanding to know the whole story. And Codsworth did just that… including several newspaper clippings, a holotape recorded interview after the fact, and at least a dozen action shots of Sole doing what they said they were doing.

MacCready’s jaw kinda just hangs open, he knew that Sole was impressive… but… well, he can’t explain it. He just assumed that Sole was a normal person… not a superhero.

Maybe they kinda are, though.

Nick Valentine

“You’re shitting me.” Nick had laughed, slapping the table as Sole finished their story. Nick enjoyed moments like this, sitting with his partner, telling tall tales of their life before the war… or really… Sole’s and the real Nick’s life

Sole put their hands up, defensive, “I shit you not. I took a bullet to the head. Bastard thought he kept me down! He said some badass line right before he pulled the trigger too! Something about luck or some shit. I wish I remembered…” Sole shrugged, Nick got up from his desk at the agency. He had to admit, it was an old story, but he had read something along those lines…

“Wait… was this him?” He lifted a piece of paper, a part of an old case file, not his own, but one he had found years ago and found interesting.

Sole nearly spat out their Nuka-Cola, pointing at the mugshot, “Yes! That plaid-wearing dick!” They laughed.

Nick looked back at the picture while Sole nearly died from a lack of oxygen and looked at the newspaper clipping.

“The victim, whose name shall remain anonymous, made a miraculous recovery thanks to the help of Boston’s finest doctors. They will be completely fine, albeit, with one hell of a story to tell their kids.” Nick quietly read to himself before turning to Sole.

“You… you’re a survivor, aren’t you?” He chuckled softly, holding out the case file for Sole to flip through.

From now on, he’d have to believe Sole more often.

Old Longfellow

Old Longfellow chuckled at Sole every time they brought up the story of catching the biggest Atlantic Bluefin Tuna known to man. Every time Sole would regale him with the story of catching the fish and releasing it after, made him smile. They were a liar, but a good liar.

It wasn’t until later, during a trip to The Last Plank, Longfellow nursed a bottle of whiskey where he let his eyes wander. His eyes fell upon a large, framed photo of a smiling person next to the biggest Tuna fish Longfellow had ever seen. Longfellow stood up, walking over to the photo, why did the person look so-

It was Sole.

Smiling.

Proudly standing.

Hands on their hips.

Smug bastard.

Old Longfellow needed to believe Sole a little more often.

Piper

Piper was someone who would likely believe Sole. But… come on… getting kidnapped by some government goons to stop them from revealing some huge classified secret, only to escape by the skin of their teeth.

Piper would admit that it was a bit far-fetched. So she would just smile at Sole, comment, “maybe I should put that in the paper” and shrug.

“Oh, it’s already been in the paper.” Sole would respond, returning to their power noodles,

Oh, now it’s on.

Once Sole would leave for some settlement, Dogmeat happily barking by their side, Piper would get to work. Immediately, she’d head for the Boston Bugle, happy she and Sole had already rid the place of ghouls a while ago. The few stragglers left behind, or that had recently moved in, were nothing for her. 

After finding a relatively intact terminal, she got to work, typing a few things, looking at the occasional article until…

“Biggest Human Rights Violation Since 1969!”

‘That might be Sole’ Piper thought to herself, reading the article before her jaw dropped.

She owed Sole a few noodle cups now… didn’t she?

Preston

Preston believes Sole. He always does. It’s kinda hard to deny your boss when they saved your ass more than once all by themselves. So the thought of them going into the cockpit of a plane to fly it after the pilot and co-pilot passed out wasn’t all that crazy.

Preston adores the stories Sole tells him, and will often encourage Sole to retell the stories to anyone willing to listen. 

But, when someone has the audacity to call bullshit to Sole’s face, Preston gets upset. So Preston goes up to Codsworth and ends up finding some old photographic proof of Sole’s miraculous feats. Then when someone calls bullshit, he pulls out several pictures from his duster pocket.

X6-88

Father never really spoke about their parent, I mean, who would? Father was a busy man, and not only that, his interactions with his guardian had been brief. 

X6 would never admit it, but he had always wondered what Sole was like before the war. So he never complained when Sole had that wistful look in their eye and told him about some story involving a pre-war Sole. 

X6 was inclined to not believe Sole, it’s hard to imagine them so… compromising, saving an entire school bus from heading over the side of a bridge? Rushing into the heat of battle to save a man down? Sole was exemplary, but they were still human.

However, X6 had come across a pristine copy of a newspaper while in Father’s quarters, having been tasked to fetch something else entirely, a picture of Sole smiling while holding a large medal for their service caught his eye.

X6 never brought it up to Sole, instead of giving the picture a small, rare smile as he continued with his duties. X6 didn’t think it possible, but Sole deserved his respect even more now.

[sleepymoppet]

An ode to Laurance Zvahl

Notes: I’ve been rewatching some of the Aphmau RP content recently for nostalgia purposes. And currently it’s been the My Inner Demons Series, but I want to start with the first set of pixels I had a crush on.

Please keep in mind that these are all my own headcanons and may not be entirely accurate to the lore due to not watching all of the Aphmau RP series. There is honestly too many for me to catch up on. For example, with the MCD version I am imagining it as the time before he got a lot of trauma story stuff. 

Genre: Fluff and a little bit of angst

𝓛𝓪𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓩𝓿𝓪𝓱𝓵 𝓜𝓒𝓓

Very self sacrificing. He would die for someone he cares about without a second thought.

Tries to lighten the mood when things get rough or dark. Refers to joking or teasing others in order to get a small chuckle out of them.

A fantastic liar. Generally resorted to flirting as a way to cover up what he is truly feeling. He doesn’t want to let others see what he is feeling so easily in order to not worry them, and not show any weakness.

Laurance is very witty. He comes up with the best comebacks. It becomes difficult for him to lose a light hearted argument. 

Takes promises to his grave. He never forgets a single promise he makes. Which means he rarely makes a promise for he knows the weight it will have upon him.

Has become a very light sleeper due to his training to become a guard. Can be woken up simply by someone turning in their sleep too much.

Loves his family and is all around very big on the whole “blood is thicker than water” saying. Would often request a few days off to go visit his family in Meteli and just enjoy their company. 

Due to this he will consider those close to him like siblings.

Spoiled Ungrth, his Wyvern, a number of times with many treats. Such as spending hours taking care of his scales and wings after Ungrth had his armor on. 

When Laurance needs a breather, he’s frequently found sitting on a hill overlooking the ocean of Phoenix Drop. He doesn’t even know why but the sound of the waves lapping against the shore just soothes him. With the smell of the salt in the sea wisping past him aiding with his lull into relaxation.

Compares himself to others and often feels he is lesser due to this. In response he becomes much harder on himself when it comes to training or doing his duties in order to improve upon himself.

His old green scarf has grown worn and is a little torn, but he continues to keep it in his bedroom. He just doesn’t have the heart to ever get rid of it since Cadenza was the one who made it for him.

Writes a lot of letters. Some filled with love, others poetry, and even some full of what simply happened that day. It is similar to a journal for him in a way, but he often addresses them to someone he trusts deeply. Even if he never sends most of them. Some are addressed to his deceased adoptive father and he keeps them sealed in a box in a dresser drawer. 

𝓛𝓪𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓩𝓿𝓪𝓱𝓵 𝓜𝔂𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓮𝓮𝓽

Laurance is one of the best cooks out of everyone. He enjoys watching cooking shows and attempts to make some of the dishes himself. He is often referred to as a master chef in his house.

He has a bit of a short temper. He often has to remind himself to step away from a situation that is angering him. He takes his time to calm himself down before addressing the issue once again with a clearer mind.

Has most certainly cried over multiple Disney movies. His favorite, and the ones he’s cried the most frequently to, being the Fox and the Hound and  Up.

While he might have the looks, he doesn’t have the greatest sense of style. He prefers simple patterns, such as stripes, solid colors, or plaids paired with a nice pair of jeans. Cadenza, on numerous occasions, has chosen or made Laurance some clothes that would give his style a little bit more flare.

To accommodate Laurance’s attraction towards darker colors, Cadenza often gives him pieces that suit the Dark Academia aesthetic. Plenty of browns, blacks, grays, whites, dark greens, and dark blues. 

Is a sucker for a good novel. He has his own large book shelf in his room and must constantly be dragged away from book stores before he drops a large amount of money on new novels.

A very big John Green fan, one of his favorites is Looking for Alaska

He hid his love for literature and anime in high school. He wanted to keep up his appearance for the sake of his ego.

Currently he openly shares his interest of literature and anime to close friends, but doesn’t make it his whole personality.

Enjoys watching soccer as it reminds him of the time he used to play it during high school.

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

WAIT

MOTHMAN,,,,,, ACCIDENTALLY BITES READER????? TIS THAT ANGST I HEAR????

MAY I,,,, PERHAPS REQUEST,,,, MOTHMAN ACCIDENTALLY BITES READER WHILE THEY’RE WORKING???

pls I’m bored out of my mind,, it’s maintenance time in Genshin :((

-💃

ohoho, i hope this is to your liking, my liege sorry i took so long i was debating between headcanons and a scenario!! (fair warning i've never broken a bone so this portrayal might be a bit inaccurate but i hope you like it nonetheless)

~ * ~ That Bites

Foul Legacy Childe x Reader Gender Neutral (pronouns not mentioned) Hurt/Comfort Warnings: Biting, descriptions of pain, injuries, broken bone, allusions to nightmares, blood, mild gore, crying, teeth

~ * ~

You don’t mind your work.

Really, you don’t. You know that doing research and writing reports isn’t for everyone, but to you it’s easy and enjoyable, especially when the topic is something you enjoy. The scent of paper helps your mind formulate sentences as your pen creates elegant letters over the snowy parchment from rivers of black ink.

Of course, you must admit the many opportunities to work from home are also a plus.

Today’s one of those days, and you’re cozied up in your personal office with a mug of hot tea by your side. The window is closed, as to not let in the distracting chatter of civilians and to keep out the cool autumn breeze as the air of Liyue grows colder, winter steadily approaching. The tip of your pen scratches delicately as you complete a statement, and you end it with a period and the satisfactory smile of a job well done.

Suddenly there’s a knock on your door and you glance up in surprise, grateful that your pen is away from the paper. Who could be disturbing you at this hour, while you’re working? You’re certain you didn’t hear the front door open, so it must be someone inside your house…

Ah, Childe. You’re a bit surprised, seeing that he’s never needed you while you were working before… Oh wait, that’s because this is your first day working from home since you ‘took him in’. It seems you’ve gotten a bit stuck in your routine.

With a shrug you rise from your chair and make your way towards the door. There’s a more insistent knock, then the sound of light scratching on the wood.

You hope the marks aren’t too deep.

Turning the knob, you open the door just a crack and peer through with slightly raised eyebrows. Almost immediately Childe peeks back at you, letting out a quiet whine and scratching at the door again. Your expression softens and you open the door more, gesturing for him to come in. He slips through the opening and moves to a corner of the room, the one closest to your desk, and presses himself against the wall.

You frown. He must be a bit nervous about something, a feeling you’ve experienced in depth before. Hopefully being near you in a safe place will ease his nerves a little, and you sit back down and resume your work.

For several minutes you hear only your pen writing word after word about silkflowers and their properties. Then your ears pick up the sound of shifting, and the hand you don’t use for writing is lightly tapped. You turn and see Childe with his clawed hand over your own, which he quickly retracts, looking nervous. Smiling softly, you extend your hand for him to hold while he chitters in joy, holding your arm as if you’re made of glass.

Your stack of completed papers grows ever higher as you refocus on your work, Childe at your side gently flexing and tracing your fingers and occasionally giving one an experimental nibble. Hours pass, and Childe slowly dozes off, still leaning against your arm as you compare past and present notes. Silkflower fabric was sturdier and took less time to produce, while clothes made by silkworms were smoother and more luxurious, you discovered.

Your concentration was so narrowed on your work that you didn’t even notice your monster roommate whimpering and crying, in the grasp of some horrible nightmare. You didn’t hear his claws scratching erratically at the carpeted floor, nor feel the dampness on your arm caused by his tears.

But not even the most important piece of research could conceal Childe’s screech as he lunged awake and clamped his teeth down on your arm.

There was an awful cracking-crunching sound in the middle of things, and you realized your arm was broken, the bone shattered under the pressure of Childe’s jaw.

Then the pain set in.

It shot through your nerves, the places Childe’s teeth had pierced searing as if they had been stabbed. Which technically, they had been, but by teeth instead of a blade. To your mild surprise, the broken bone hurt least of all- it ached intensely, but there was no stinging, and very little sharp pain.

You grit your teeth. Childe’s mind wasn’t all there, or else he would’ve let go by now, but yelling might make him panic more. So you set your brow and clenched your fist, internally hissing in pain but mostly just groaning at the now stained carpet as your blood dripped down onto it.

You’d have to get it replaced.

You’re not sure how long you spent still as a rock, determinedly keeping your lips sealed shut as your flesh was torn by teeth sharp as a knife. The papers on your desk were long forgotten, your pen cast to the side as you focus on keeping your breathing even. Your eyes once flitted to the carpet and immediately looked away, the almost-black puddle making you nauseous. The scent of your tea has been overtaken by the metallic tang of blood, and you drop your head onto your writing hand, brain foggy from the smell.

This much blood loss can not be good for your health.

Your dulled senses slowly realize everything had gone quiet, just before there was a sticky squelching sound and the muffled feeling of teeth being extracted from your arm. A heavy stillness fills the air, only broken by your deep, relieved breaths.

Then there was a gasping sob, and the silence snapped.

You rapidly turn your head as Childe presses himself back into a corner, face hidden by his hands as he attempts to hide his cries. The taste of blood permeates his mouth, and he chokes, horrified with himself. You push your chair away and walk over to him, kneeling by his side, concerned for him and him alone. He looks up at you and your worried expression, torn arm behind you, and breaks.

Threading your fingers through his hair, you whisper to him as he sobs freely, the nightmare and fragility of your bones and skin still fresh in his mind. He doesn’t want to hurt you, it was an accident, he didn’t mean to, please don’t leave-

You hum, running your uninjured hand over his face, tracing his horns with your nails. It’s okay. You’ll go to Baizhu. You know it was an accident. You’re only a little woozy, it doesn’t hurt that much.

He knows you’re lying. But he ignores it as his sobs quiet to soft whimpers, which eventually die to steady breathing. It might hurt, but you’ll be alright. You forgive him, and you’ll heal, and he would never, ever hurt you again.

Right?

[hoonhrt]

ENHYPEN AND THE WAYS THEY SHOW LOVE

: pairing — boyfriend! enhypen x reader

: genre — super soft and fluffy

: a/n — i am writing a jay au atm but im feeling a little unmotived but i also didnt want to leave you guys starving so here hehe i hope you like <3

･:*:･ﾟ☆ lee heeseung 

making you laugh. 

we all know heeseung is the official comedian of enhypen (according to the boys) 

seeing you laugh is heeseungs absolute favourite thing in the world. 

he could listen to you laugh for hours on end and never get tired of it 

it brings him so much happiness and warmth 

so ofc his number #1 goal is to make you laugh

he constantly makes jokes and sometimes gets clumsy on purpose just to hear those precious laughs of yours erupt from your stomach 

he closes his eyes sometimes and relishes in the sound of it, realizing that this giggly version of you is his favourite version 

he adores your laugh and shows his love for it by making you laugh all the time 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jay park 

cooking for you. 

we also know that jay is the official chef of enhypen  

he would always cook food for you at any given time when he has free time 

you’ll always have a fresh cooked meal on the table waiting for you, especially on your rough days 

he just approaches you with a big smile and a plate full of food 

scolds you if you don’t eat meals on time 

eating out as a date?? pshh whats that?? its a ‘stay-at-home-and-spend-time-together-making-dinner-together’ date 

he just loves seeing your cheeks swell up while you eat and your little tiny reactions you make when you eat his food 

it makes him feel so accomplished to seeing you eating 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jake sim 

writing you notes. 

i feel like jake has a little bit of a hard time expressing his emotions face to face  

so he conveys his love through notes! 

whether it be love letters or just sticky notes posted around your home 

there will always be a note waiting for you the next morning when you wake up 

he leaves them EVERYWHERE 

on the bathroom mirror, on the fridge door, on the back of your front door 

usually they’re little notes of encouragement or reminders 

“date night tonight! dress cute! (youre always cute so dress however you please)” “ill see you later pretty, love you hehe~~” 

jake always feels like there arent enough ways to physically tell you he loves you 

again, he also feels a little awkward telling it to your face 

so he leaves these notes in the hopes that they can at least convey 1/3 of his love for you (they do) 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ park sunghoon 

listening attentively. 

kind of like jake, sunghoon has difficulty expressing his feelings 

he also gets really shy with words 

so he opts into listening to you, always. 

literally anything and everything, he will ALWAYS make sure that he is listening to you 

even if youre just ranting, he will stop whatever he is doing and listen to you 

always asks you how your day is going 

also just loves the sound of your voice, can hear you talk all day long if you would let him 

your voice brings him safety and security. 

he just wants you to know that youre heard, and that your opinions and feelings are not being tossed away 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ kim sunoo 

playing with your hair. 

so sunoo has stated many times that he loves doing peoples hair and if he werent an idol, he’d be a hairstylist 

so he’d love playing with your hair 

and he realized that you rest well when he does play with your hair 

SO HE DOES IT ALL THE TIME

youll just be sitting next to each other and he’ll mindlessly do it because he knows you love it so much 

he also loves messing around with hair 

it makes him so happy that you let him play with your hair because not everyone does 

its also YOUR hair which makes things even more precious to him 

he just does it aimlessly so you feel relaxed and he loves seeing you relaxed 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ yang jungwon

giving you praise. 

aside from teasing the others, jungwon praises his members so much 

you may not be his member but you are just as important to him 

so he is constantly telling you how amazing youre doing and how proud he is of you 

jungwon knows that hearing genuine words when things just dont seem right is the best feeling 

he also knows that hearing genuine words when things are going great is the best motivation 

so he gives you praise without needing to know exactly how you are feeling because regardless you’ll feel better hearing his words 

you love his praise because you just feel so so loved and jungwon realized this 

tells you he values you all the time to remind you that he loves you (tb to en-connect lols cries) 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ nishimura riki 

making you things. 

now ofc riki is young so there isnt much he can buy or do as a kid 

but he knows that you love making bracelets and wearing them 

so he’ll take time to buy all the things he needs to make them and learn how to make them 

makes cute ones with his name on it so you have him with you always 

packs them super nicely and gifts them to you 

and the smile on your face is priceless to him 

he shows his love by taking interest in the things you like 

so this can go for anything, cooking, baking, knitting, playing games 

he wants you to know that your excitement for things makes him happy so he will take time to learn how to make/do things for you 

[harryhoney-bee]

omg more uncle!harry but maybe it's where gemma is telling harry and anne she's pregnant!

Leo - uncle!h

A/n: omg I got so happy with this request because i thought no one would really like uncle!h, so here it is <3. I never played scrabble, so I'm sorry if the game doesn't make sense.

Summary: Gemma announces her pregnancy while the Styles family is playing scrabble.

Harry loved kids since he was a kid himself, he would always be the one watching out for his little cousins and helping the younger kids at school. That didn't change as the years went by. Everybody knew how caring he was with children, that's why he has three godchildren at the age of 24. His friends could all agree that Harry would do anything to be present in the children's life.

When Ruby was born in 2017 Harry was the happiest man alive, he would take her out on her baby carriage, she would be in his arms in the recording room. He was constantly sending Ruby's mother messages, asking for pictures of the small girl. He did all of that thinking about the day he would have his own kids.

On the Christmas of 2017, Harry and Anne were playing scrabble with Gemma and Michal, her husband. They were drinking hot chocolate while the grinch was on the tv, but no one was paying attention.

Anne picked up the little wooden pieces and connected them together, forming the word BRIGHT, next it was Michal's turn, he used the first B to form the word BABY.

"Baby? Really?" Harry asked laughing, "that's such a simple word, you could've made more points using another word instead."

Gemma rolled her eyes playfully. "I think you should take care of your own game."

Harry stuck his tongue out at her, which made Anne give him a 'mom stare'. "Be nice to your sister, H. If you let her use small words we have a big chance of winning."

It was Harry’s turn next time and he began a new word: LOYALTY.

He didn't miss when Gemma looked at Michal, giving him a side smile. She picked up the wooden letters, using the first L of Harry's word to form LEO.

"Hey, you know it's against the rules to form names," Harry said grumpily.

"Yeah, baby, why don't you write Lion instead?" Anne asked.

Mother and son looked confused at each other when Gemma and Michal got up from the floor they were sitting on, standing right in front of them, who were sitting on the couch.

Michal had the brightest smile on his face as Gemma gently placed a hand on her belly. "Well, I think you guys can break the rules a bit."

Anne and Harry stood in silence, staring at Gemma's tummy before turning to look at the couples' faces, the dots slowly connecting in their head.

"And why should we break the rules?" Harry asked warily.

"Maybe because that was your nephew's name that I just formed?" Gemma told him happily. "I’m pregnant!"

Anne started screaming happily the moment those words left Gemma's mouth, she got up from the couch, hugging her daughter and Michal. "Gemma, why didn't you tell me before? And how do you already know it's a boy? How many weeks?"

"Mom, calm down, we found out last month, so we decided to wait until we know about the gender, and well, it's a boy!" She said as Anne kissed her face.

"Our little Leo," Michal added. "It means lion-hearted and brave, we thought it would fit him perfectly."

Anne turned to Harry, smiling like never before, looking at her son, who was still processing all the news, "H, why are you quiet? You're an uncle! And I'm a grandmother." Realization hit the older woman.

Harry got up from the couch, hugging his mother as he stared at Gemma, "A-are you for real? You're really pregnant?"

Gemma rolled her eyes, "Yes you knob, want me to show you my blood test? We’re gonna have a new member of the family coming in May."

"Oh my God." That was the only thing Harry said before bringing the couple to hug alongside Anne. "I'm gonna be a fucking uncle!!"

"Shush, we won't let you around Leo if you keep on cursing, man," Michal teased.

Anne cleaned her tears and proposed for them to have some tea and biscuit since it was already 4 in the afternoon. Harry's face was filled with bliss, he could only think of the small life forming itself, just wanting to be loved.

Harry took a bite of his biscuits, turning his head at Gemma. "Can I please be the godfather? I'll do anything, I'll get his names tattooed on my arm tomorrow and–"

"We would never choose anyone else to be the godfather, you don't have to worry about that," Gemma interrupted him sweetly.

5 months later Leo was finally welcomed into the world, and Harry cried more than anyone else when he saw the small boy for the first time, he knew at that moment he and Leo would be best friends.

Tag list: @sunandherflores, @elenagilbert01 , @bellelittleoff @sunflowervolume66, @evanjh and @beachwood-cafe

[oneprompt]

hi… your writing is absolutely amazing <33 can you do a sanji x reader WHERE HES JUST RLLY SUBMISSIVE TO YOU ?? or one where he’s dominant because I don’t see dom sanji a lot.. but I’m a slut for submissive sanji so like ‼️ it’s embarrassing to say but can this be nsfw? the scenario could be where sanji asks you to be dominant in the bedroom, and like when you start to degrade him HE REALLY LIKES IT SO YOU KEEP DOINF IT AND ]\]+|¥ okay am I explaining this well?? This is my first time submitting a request I’m so sorry if this makes no sense . basically just a sanji x reader where sanji enjoys being degraded <3 if you can of course! 🧡

authors note : thank you so much , im flattered to hear such a kind thing directed at me ! <3 and this request ? i adore your brain , sanji is . most definitely a sub ! i did hc + a drabble like i always do <3 hope these are enough

NSFW / SMUT WARNING

.......

.......

tags : degrading , femdom , sub / dom , ( verbal ) masochism , ( alight ) master kink

Sub! Sanji x Dom! Reader Headcanons

• You were a bit surprised from the sudden change of pace from Sanji. You both have a rather fluid routine when it came to sex , neither of you ever being a strict sub or dom. And with the mention of things such as verbal degrading and humiliation... you couldn’t help but be taken aback. Not in a bad way, of course! You were more then open to spice things up with your lover.

• You couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious as you stepped into your shared room, dark blue lace masking your most feminine areas, a garter holding up the matching stockings. You had picked out the lingerie to match the blue that Sanji often wore. Needless to say, his reaction to your body is instant. But who can blame him, truly? Seeing a woman in such scandalous clothing, you’re bound to grow antsy.

• You two are immediately on each other, kissing and touching one another. The more foreplay and light touches Sanji gave you, the more excited you got, the fabric of your brand new panties already grow wet. Sanji seemed so desperate, so needy..

• You found yourself shocked by your own words, the heat of the moment carrying your words better then your own brain. “You’re such a pervert... already getting so hard for me. What type of freak rubs his dick on a girls new clothes?” Your own jaw dropped at your words. Would Sanji be upset over you saying that? Would he have taken it to heart?

• To your relief, you were met with the view of Sanji’s face turning a pure shade of scarlet, his eyes half lidded. He had such a cute smirk on his face, he looked so shy, despite the large erection that peeked up from his boxers. He couldn’t help but fawn over your attitude, encouraging to take your insults even further.

• And so you did. Sure, you still felt a bit guilty for being so cruel to him but you couldn’t deny how worked up it was getting you, nor how pleasing it was for your boyfriend. Sanji showed the most pleasure as you yanked on his tie, ordering him around and calling him tons of names.

• When you two get to the main course, Sanji had already been made a mess by the grinding of your hips and words alone. So, once you prop yourself up ontop of him and let your flooding hole hold his member captive, he turns into pure putty. It’s cute. So very cute.

• The way Sanji pleads and begs for you, moaning and mewling as he repeated your name over and over again. He was a mess, he looked like a true man whore beneath you. You make sure to still degrade him and occasionally yank at his blonde locks while making him pleasure you with his sweet dick.

• Sanji is quick to cum ( not without begging first , though ), letting out a high pitched whine and moan as he came inside of you, even getting a bit on you as he pulled out afterward, leaving your thighs and labia a cum drizzled scape.

Sub! Sanji x Dom! Reader Oneshot

The cries Sanji let out under you was like nothing you had ever heard. Sanji was a very prideful man, at least in the presence of others. Right now, he was nothing but a mask of what he is for the public. He’s not Black Legged Sanji right now, right now he’s your slut.

“Y-Y/n-san..~..Please give me more..” Sanji whimpered out in pleasure, holding himself back from throwing his hips upward, making your hungry hole eat his shaft. You were moving so painfully slow... “Please..faster...”

Your hands stayed planted firmly on his chest, your nails carefully digging themselves into his collarbone. “I’ll move when i want to. Mutts don’t get to tell master what to do..” You sighed out in pleasure, feeling your insides hug Sanji’s girth. You smiled at the sight of Sanji’s face glowing a darker shade of red from your words. He was adorable.

“I’ll beg...please, just go faster,” Sanji said, looking up at you, his gaze pleading. He looked so desperate, he was making an expression you had never seen him make before. You couldn’t help but grow more aroused at the sight of such a rare face.

“Okay, beg, then..” You smirked softly, leaning down and kissing Sanji’s cheek. You patiently waited for Sanji to speak up.

“Y/n-san... please use me up. I’m all yours...no other woman will ever hold my heart captive the way you do,” It was odd. Even when engulfed by pleasure, Sanji still managed to be his poetic and romantic self, didnt he?

With those magic words, your hips snapped downward, taking Sanji balls deep inside of you, the tip of his member staying jammed against the depth of your cervix. You couldn’t hold back as you moaned lustfully, tilting your head back in pleasure. The large frame of the bed began to creek as you eagerly rode the chef, your hips bouncing along with your supple breasts. It felt far too good. Being in a position like this with the role you had in this very moment was more then enough to make you orgasm at any moment.

Sanji couldn’t keep his mouth shut, gentle gasps puffing out of his lips, a line of drool dripping down along the corner of his mouth. Why hadn’t Sanji asked you to do this any sooner? It felt amazing, certainly the best sex the two of you have had.

“Y/n, don’t stop...degrade me, please~,” Sanji moaned out, the pleasure in his voice dragging the letters with it. His eyes were shut as he huffed and puffed, trying to stabilize the rapid mewls that flew out of him.

“Don’t order me around.. you aren’t in the position to do that, unless you want to be punished,” You said shakily, voice trembling from the amount of pleasure that dived in and out of your body.

Punished? Oh, now that was a thought Sanji liked. If just verbal torture felt so good, how good would it be to have you be more hands on with it? The thought of you as a domantrix made him more excited. A dark corset looping itself along your waist, paired with matching gloves. And all sorts of lewd tools on your side to make Sanji scream. It sounds like heaven to him.

“Punish me, Y/n-san! Please..be mean,” Sanji begged, grovelling under your body. And so, that’s what you did. You didn’t hesitate to lift your hips off of Sanji’s erection, the tip a deep red as it looked about ready to burst with the amount of cum he had been holding back.

A pout snuck its way into Sanji’s face as his girthy dick twitched in disappointment. This isn’t the punishment he wanted..

“Why’re you pouting? I said i’d be mean,” You smirked slightly, now located in between your lovers legs.

“I didn’t think-,” Sanji’s breath hitched as you squeezed his throbbing dick in between your breasts, the coating of your own wetness and Sanji’s precum already having it lubed further enough.

Sanji stuttered as you began to move your breasts, letting them bounce against his shaft, making up a pleasurable friction against the sensitive appendage. It felt so good, something as minor as this was enough to have Sanji trembling and begging.

He looked down at you with his beautiful pearly blues, tears of overstimulation brimming his eyes. This was beginning to be far too much for him, holding his ejaculation back was impossible at this point, and Sanji made that very apparent. Without a single word from him you let out the magic words, still letting him thrust into your breasts.

“You may cum, Sanji-kun.” You smiles lovingly at the blonde, awaiting his seed to paint your face. Sanji has been waiting all night for you to say those words, that single chain.

In an instant, thick ropes of Sanji’s semen spouted out from his dick, hitting the warmth of your cheeks and making your entire face sticky. Thankfully for you, it only got upon your face, and not your hair.

Sanji looked absolutely blissed out, letting his head hit the pillows as he was laid out entirely. The small breaths that escaped him made you giggle quietly. He was so incredibly cute.

You feel as if you and Sanji learnt a bit more about each other today, and understood your own selves a lot better.

[alluringjae]

all i do is wait - kdy

All I Do Is Wait | So Close

⤑ summary: one day, kim doyoung was alive. the next, he wasn’t. he left you and the world too soon, but he made a promise: to look out and wait for you until the very end.

⤑ pairing: doyoung x female reader

⤑ word count: 22.7k

⤑ genre: angst (so much longing), major slow burn, fluff (if you squint really well), slight unprotected smut (not my forté) | ghost!doyoung, hotel del luna!au,  slight college!au, 40s to 90s!au (loads of flashbacks)

⤑ warnings: death, grief, explicit language, sexism (screw the patriarchy omfg), mentions and scenes of alcohol, drinking, smoking, war, unplanned pregnancy, childbirth, and abortion, ghost possession of humans (in like one scene only tbh)

⤑ playlist: fly away with me by nct 127 | all about you by taeyeon | doll by baekhyun and doyoung | give you my heart by iu | wait by exo | like a fool by nive and sam kim | falling by harry styles | lovers by anna of the north | fallingforyou by the 1975 | you are the sunshine of my life by stevie wonder

⤑ long author’s note: minors, beware of the warnings! i highly recommend you watch the kdrama beforehand so you would understand the universe, even if majority of the characters are from my imagination. i also did some prior historical research. though there are inaccuracies, this story is just fiction. importantly, i don’t own the hotel del luna series; they serve as the main inspiration but with some of my twists. i’m also bit rough with writing lately, so there’s also room for improvement. overall, prepare your heart.

i cried so much in the process.

italicized texts symbolize conversations in a dream call. *wink* *wink*

⤑ gif above not mine, ctto!  leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

After all decades of waiting, it’s finally time.

As a soul still wandering in the living world, Doyoung’s options were limited. To peacefully go ahead into the afterlife or wait for his lover by working in the hotel for ghosts until she passed.

He’d chosen the latter, the betrayal he felt from the deities to have gone so soon.

And leave you behind.

But first, let’s take a trip down Doyoung’s journey; life, death, and after it.

1948

Kim Doyoung came from a well-off family. He was a university student, taking up journalism as a pre-law course. He wanted to right the wrongs and let justice prevail. Blessed by his privilege, he wanted to be of service to others who cannot afford it.

Both of you crossed paths at a university in Busan as seatmates. Right after the South Korean constitution granted women’s rights to education, immediately you aimed high and applied for the top universities in the city. After being homeschooled and self-studying under the books, the opportunity to go to an actual school was like a dream come true especially when you received acceptance letters from all of them.

Your first impression of him was that he was moody and quite snobby. When you politely asked him once if you can take a peek at his notes because you lost track of the professor’s lecture, he refused with an annoyed glare.

“You should try harder then.” You nodded in gratitude anyways, taking those words to encourage you. Though it still stung.

When classes that day concluded, you were so ready to return to the women’s dorm and take a breather from men. Since you were far from your village, maybe you would give a call to your father, your mentor all your life to seek his guidance on your professors’ lessons. Once you found your bike and placing your books on the basket in front, a light tap on your shoulder caught you off-guard and almost made you topple over.

“Oh, sh-”

“Oh my, I’m sorry for scaring you like that.”

When you directed your body to the source, it was none other than Kim Doyoung. He removed his blazer from class, resting it on his arm. He wore these suspenders and leather loafers, sporting the rich, preppy boy look. His eyes looked softer, apologetic by the way he gave a slight pout.

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. It was rude of me to shun you like that.”

Unfortunately, it was rare to find young men like him to own up to their mistakes When you’re the only woman in that class, the majority of the boys are either snickering with judgment at your presence.

“Women are only meant to stay at home.”

“She’s weak. She won’t last here with the deep, legal terminologies the professors use.” Those insults aren’t new to you.

Doyoung seemed like a plot twist in the social narrative. You were surprised, to say the least, yet relieved.

“Oh, it’s okay. Considering I interrupted you from listening to the professor, I could’ve waited after class or as you said, study harder.” You accepted.

Doyoung still felt awful for his attitude, fiddling his briefcase. He struggled to express himself through words, understanding why many had this impression of him being cold. If he were to be honest, his actual initial impression of you was that you were hardworking and resilient, setting a new example of the modern woman. He thought that being too soft on you in class may look degrading, thus his statement from the class was just him treating you the same way as other boys who don’t study hard enough. Unfortunately, it backfired completely.

As a man who grew up with the belief to always pay respect to everyone without discrimination, he had to make it up to you somehow.

“It’s still wrong of me to say that to you, (Y/N). So-” He trailed on, opening his case to bring out one of his notebooks. Without hesitating, he handed it to you. “I took as many notes from the lecture on fallacies here. If there’s any way I can help you in the future, I’m more than willing to help you.”

This newfound kindness from a boy in this patriarchal university may be the silver lining in your current stay. You weren’t too sure if you would get a chance like this in the coming years, so you gladly took it. Noticing the engraved “K.DY” on the lower right side of it, which were his initials, it’s easy to identify that he was rich. But his attitude was different than the others.

Placing it carefully in the front basket, you steadied your body to the handles and pedals of the bike. “Thank you for this, Doyoung. I will return it to you as soon as possible.”

Knowing he was of help to you, he flashed a gummy smile. “No problem, (Y/N). If you want, we can review it before class too just in case the professor gives another surprise quiz.”

You let out a laugh, being reminded of your horrified face on a previous surprise quiz in the past. “Oh god, I flunked that quiz! Damn him.”

Ever since that conversation, it’s where your friendship started.

Going to university became more enjoyable and less daunting, having Doyoung defend you from other boys (even if you’ve told him so many times that you can handle it). After you found out that Doyoung’s status was more elite than you assumed, a lot of boys wouldn’t want to try and test him since their family lines would be at risk. You had a better focus on your academics, and if it weren’t for you, other girls attending university with you would’ve never thought women students would befriend the men. You were the shift in the narrative.

As lucky as you are to have a female support system in the patriarchal university, you found yourself always hanging out with Doyoung. He was filled with so much compassion in his heart and there were beliefs that you both surprisingly shared in your conservative society, deepening your bond. One of them was the sexist view of women as low-status people. He told you one time that thinking that way is like thinking his loving mother is undeserving of things in life. It’s an unacceptable concept, he added. You even met his mother at some point, and she’s a sweetheart.

Another was having the frustration towards those who shame on women who want to study and learn rather than to submit to the power of men so early in their lives.

“I’m so sick of people telling me to stop studying and settle down with some random boy. There’s just so much to learn out here!” You complained. It was one hot weekend that time, and you were both relaxing under the shade of a big tree by a flowing river. That spot is hidden, thus claiming it as your spot. Doyoung leaned by the tree reading while you rested on his lap. At this point, you’ve grown very comfortable with him. Doyoung sighed, putting his book to discuss his thoughts.

“Agreed. You seriously deserve so much better, (Y/N). People today just don’t get it.”

Huffing away that stress, your head tilted to get a better view of Doyoung.

“Doyoung, do you think things will get better for women in the future?” He admired your hopefulness in times of trouble. Stroking your hair to soothe you, he gave a positive reply.

“If we keep fighting for it, then we’ll progress. So let’s not give up, okay?” Your heart couldn’t help but leap.

As he looked at you with blooming flowers from the tree in the background, it was a matter of time where your initial feelings for him diverted into something more. The concept of butterflies in your stomach was only introduced to Doyoung in novels, but he wondered if it’s the exact feeling he was getting from you. From your intelligence to your sharp tongue to fight back the rude boys, the list goes on all the traits that he liked about you.

Weeks later, the questionable status of your friendship changed after he unexpectedly kissed you for the first time while stargazing at your special spot. It caught you off guard at first as your lips froze, him pulling away immediately. He rubbed the nape of his neck out of embarrassment, struggling to maintain eye contact with you.

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I screwed up everything, didn’t I?”

As much as the heat in your cheeks increased, you couldn’t deny that you liked it. You’re bold enough to do it again.

“Nope,” you shook your head at him. “Kiss me again, Doyoung.”

Like a movie, the first snow of the season drizzled down on the two of you.

Feeling braver, he leaned forward again to meet your lips again. You may not be experienced physically since it was your first, but that’s what all those romance novels you’ve browsed through are for. Forget the fireworks, people would compare the ideal kiss. It was more like everything paused so this moment can run on its momentum. Lips still locked, Doyoung gripped your waist so you can sit on his lap. As the friction intensified, his lungs needed to breathe for a second. Pulling away slowly, it was an opportunity to take a good look at you. Flustered, messy hair, swollen lips, he would’ve never known that the feelings were mutual.

“First kiss under the first snow? I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

1950

Dating Doyoung gave you the best two years of your life. He’d bike with you to your spot, recommend you new books to read, cook for you when you’re too lazy to at the dorm, and take you around the city he was ever so familiar with.

“Oh c’mon, let’s try this out!”

You dragged his arm to this new contraption that can take your photos in a flash. This was at an annual city fair, your first time to attend one. Because your small village couldn’t cater to these kinds of events, you beamed with excitement with all the amusement outlets such as rides, games and more. All Doyoung wanted was to eat and play few games, then return. He wasn’t much for photos, but because it was your first, he decided to go for it. Two people couldn’t fit the cushion, so you settled on his lap. One arm wrapped behind his neck, you inserted a few coins to activate the machine.

“So we have a few seconds before it starts, so you better smile, okay?” He ordered you based on the instructions of the machine.

The first shot was matching grins, the second showed your bright smiles, the third let your creativity wild with silly expressions, and the last was him pecking your cheek unexpectedly. The authentic surprise was captured.

“Let’s take another one so you can have a copy.” You insisted, searching through the small pockets of your purse for more coins.

“(Y/N), it’s okay. I don’t want-” He was cut off by the machine activating again as your coins entered inside.

“Too late, smile!” The first shot almost caught Doyoung in a frenzy, but he pulled it off with an open smile. The second expressed your laughter from your slyness, him sporting crinkled eyes when you let your tongue out and placed your hands near the temples of your head to mock him. To sort out your playfulness, Doyoung surprised you by grabbing your wrists to place them back on his shoulders. Without a breath, one free hand tugged you closer and his lips shut you up. You deepened your kiss by leaning forward and fisting the hems of his buttoned-up top. Kissing back was natural, not caring where you were and if the camera snapped your moment of intimacy. Doyoung always liked taming you with his kisses. You didn’t mind making out for a bit in the booth if it weren’t for the loud knocking from the side put a stop to your risqué antics.

“Yah! Take your making out session someplace, other people are waiting outside!”

The both of you could care less, laughing mid-kissing at the disturbance you’ve caused. It’s a thing when you’re young and in love, perhaps. Eventually, innocent kisses ignited an invitation to his bed.

“I’ve never done this before, but I want to do it with you.” You gave your full consent, laying on his soft bed in your undergarments. His entire family went on vacation, so you took advantage of it.

The way he crawled on top of you, his slender hands spreading your legs wide open like another novel waiting to be unraveled. Erotica was a genre you never explored, but Doyoung finds it as his guilty pleasure. Who would’ve known that the most prestigious, gentleman-like man of the university found amusement in sex? His lingering touches intoxicated your entirety, allowing him access. His tongue did you wonders, releasing these sensations you’ve never known was possible. Tugging on his hair as he passionately devoured your core for the first time, this knot in your core unwound and your vision went white for a split second. This rush of pleasure and exhaustion filled your veins, yet you craved more.

That night, giving each other your virginities, marked the first time you declared your love for each other.

Though there are times when dating wasn’t easy either, having prying eyes around you with judgment and the unavoidable stress from university, you’d sort things out in the end. After all, it’s in fights and arguments where you learn more about each other and grow from it.

If someone asked you to settle down already, Doyoung is the first candidate for your hand. You’ve sent letters to your parents talking about him and met his family.

“You’re the only girl who softens him up in this society of uptight men.” His mother whispered when you helped her wash the dishes after dinner.

As much light he brought to your life those two years being together, it turned into the worst and something questionable when the Korean war began.

You vividly remember the day Doyoung admitted to you his enlistment in the South Korean army. It was mandatory for men his age to serve. His dream to pursue law was to be put on hold, especially when schools were closing down. Though he’d try to confide with himself that serving in this war is another way to help his country, his nationalism outweighed his fear of death. Just as long as it brings them closer to a better tomorrow, he was willing.

Unfortunately for you, you were terrified shitless because again, it’s a war. If your childhood wasn’t enough to recall all those painful emotions from the past world war, you didn’t know what would. Being able to survive is a miracle, so there was no way you would let Doyoung go. The ignorance you gave towards him to protect your heart, moving to your aunt and uncle’s home in the same city after the university suspended classes since going back to the village was a big struggle.

So many villages have been bombed already, increasing your anxiety. All you hoped now was to be reunited with your family safely. It’s a good thing though they already left as soon as they could and are on their way to the city. One normal day while you were teaching your younger cousins how to read, there was a knock on the front door. Since your aunt was busy cooking dinner, you took charge to open it in hopes you’ll find your family on the other side.

However, it was none other than that someone you still couldn’t face just yet. He wore the familiar dark green uniform with black combat boots, his fluffy hair fully shaved even it’s covered by his hat. By the dirt on his face, he must’ve trained earlier that day. With a heavy backpack behind him, he’s on his way somewhere but you didn’t know where. You closed the door behind you so you can speak to him privately.

“What are you doing here, Doyoung? How did you find me?”

“I knew you didn’t want to talk for a while, so I gave you space. But today, I found out that I’m going to be stationed in Seoul tomorrow.”

Seoul was where most of the war was happening. Your heart was shattered.

“So I went to your dorm, but your roommate told me you moved out and gave me this address here.” He answered honestly with this new burden to top it off, not having the courage to look you in the eyes to avoid crying. “I needed to see you, (Y/N).”

“Doyoung,” within those times of separation, you re-evaluated if running away from him was the right choice. Even if he tried to convince you of the good things about being in the army, everything always comes at a price. War meant his life was uncertain daily. You just wanted him to yourself, to stay by your side, to help out in the war in other ways, but it would be selfish to stop him from his goals. So you gently embraced him, making him drop his bag to the side. With extreme fear comes your soft whimpers against his chest. Rather than running away so fast, you should’ve mustered all those remaining bits of courage to spend it with him. He must be feeling terrified too.

“I’m just scared for you. War doesn’t guarantee anything. Us surviving world war two is still miraculous.” Doyoung winced at your truthful words as he returned that embrace. There go his tears that he shed almost every night since he told you about his enlistment.

“I had no choice, (Y/N). My family and I would be in big trouble if I didn’t follow orders.”

“I know. I’m sorry I ran away, Doyoung.” You continued to sob as you feel him stroke your hair from behind. He knew well that it was one way to calm you down.

“If only we didn’t live in harsh times like this.” He sighed, longing for the same thing. He cursed whoever decided to make him exist during a painful time. He would trade anything for a more peaceful life.

“Stay here for the night, please.” You pleaded, not wanting to waste any more time.

Your relatives were aware of your relationship, allowing such a request. They trusted you enough to sleep in the same room, knowing all too well the struggles of being love during times like this.

Neither of you held back from the tension that crept into the room. This time, you led him through the first kiss while his body laid flat on the cushion bed. On top, straddling him fully. Leaving him soft kisses on his neck while teasingly unbuttoning his pajama shirt, your fervent lips trailed from his neck, lowering to his sculpted abdomen, until you reached the waistband of his pajama pants.

Only in books did you learn about how to please men, so this may be the only time you can test it out. Doyoung stiffened on your soft kisses on his hard-clothed member, glancing him seductively back and forth when you stuck out your tongue.

“Please,” He begged, tugging on your hair. “Touch me.”

Your lips wrapped around his tip before gently going lower to your limit, and slowly sucked on it back and forth. Whenever you’d want to catch a breathe, you’d lick the tip teasingly. Doyoung groaned, threading his fingers along with your hair. He’s so used to be a giver that receiving these sensations by you beats his hand. It was heavenly, yet so vulgar. The way you swallowed his cum rather than spitting it out even if the taste wasn’t favorable, you were too much in a daze to process how sudden he switched positions. While you sprawled devilishly under him, your fingers looping on his dog tag necklace to bring him lower for a kiss while feeling two of his fingers go under your panties to teasingly play with your slick.

“Don’t t-tease...” You stuttered, clenching at how fast he can get you stimulated with his fingers.

The whole night long was consumed with his body against yours, the wet sounds of deep thrusts and muffled moans praising each other. The following morning, your naked bodies remained entangled. He was still in deep slumber when your body clock alarms you to wake up. though you couldn’t move when he had his arm around you. The love marks on his chest that you’ve made were more exposed when the sunlight hits him, your fingers carefully trailing on it so he wouldn’t be startled. He needed all the rest he can get.

If only you can have mornings like this when war wasn’t in the equation.

Bidding goodbye was tough. Breakfast was too quiet, just like how he packed his remaining belongings and dressed back to his uniform. You watched him by the patio as he waited for the bus to pick him up. When one finally arrived, he turned around to face you once more. He understood that neither of you wanted to say anything. It would make things harder.

You had to stay strong for him because he was fighting the scarier people. But as he waved goodbye, this was your only exception. Just before he boarded the bus,

“Fuck it.” You mumbled to yourself, running to him as your life depended on it.

“(Y/N), what are you-” Doyoung stopped at his tracks, awaiting your sudden move. You shut him up by desperately placing your lips against his, having that a tiny sliver of hope that it won’t be your last. His hands cradled your face while your arms tangled behind his neck.

It wasn’t until the annoyed coughs from the bus driver stopped your actions. Patting your dress from crinkling, Doyoung left a kiss on your forehead.

“Wait for me, alright? I’ll be back before you know it.” He reassured you.

“Fight strong and stay alive, Doyoung. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I love you, (Y/N).” He caressed your cheek one last time, your hand cupping it.

“I love you too, Doyoung.”

Both of you made sure to write to each other, just anything to keep in touch from being apart.

Oh, if only you knew how long you’d have to wait before seeing each other again.

1951

Doyoung was stationed in the infantry division, always staying prepared for the plans his side made and the active attacks started from the enemy side. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s gotten critically injured and knocked out, but he fought through it with his upcoming plans in mind. How he must fight for the country and stay alive to see the change. How he wanted to have a future with you when everything settles down. It was his motivation every time.

But it took one surprise attack many months later from the enemy side to take it all away. When one of the senior officers was shot, he shielded him without hesitation. All these firing bullets were shot on his back, his legs wobbling from the impact. Due to the non-stop bleeding and lack of urgent medical attention, he painfully lost his life while holding on to his officer.

“Please tell my lover that I love her and I’m sorry.”

Those were his last words before he took one final breath and flatlined.

Seconds later, his soul flowed outside his body and froze at the trippy feeling while witnessing different officers and people on the medic team mourn in front of his dead body. Taeyong, one of the people he befriended from the medic team, tried to wake him repeatedly.

“Doyoung, please don’t joke around. Wake up, please.”

Even if he knew it was hopeless, he did his best to the point his entire team had to pull him away from his best friend’s lifeless body.

“No, he needs to live! He has a family, big dreams, and a girl waiting back in Busan!” He sobbed in his chest. Out of all the people he tried to resuscitate, Doyoung was the first friend that he came across on this occasion. Doyoung ached at this vulnerable sight, wanting so badly to be by his side. With these surprise attacks, death is more prevalent than ever.

“Kim Doyoung?” An unfamiliar voice called for him from behind. He spun around to find one woman in war uniform, though he’s never encountered her in the field, and a man in all black.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Manwol, and he’s the grim reaper. I believe you just died a few minutes ago, correct?”

The truth was piercing to accept, glancing at his lifeless body on the side with Taeyong and another close friend he made, Jungwoo, crying his heart out.

“Are you going to take me already?” He asked.

“Unless you still have things you want to accomplish in the living world, then you can freely go to the other side.” The grim reaper answered monotonously, very much used to this question.

“From the looks of it, you have a lot you want to do still,” Manwol observed from afar, all too familiar with the feeling. “If you come with us, I can help you accomplish them.”

If something stayed with Doyoung until his last breath, it was his skepticism with the supernatural. He was unsure if he can trust them because according to the books, once you’re dead, that’s it. It’s up to the people around him to speak good or bad of him.

“You’re uncertain with our intentions, aren’t you?” Manwol easily read through his stoic expression. “You’ll be surprised with how many things can debunk from the books if you let us, Doyoung.”

For the first time, Doyoung had no clue what and where to go next. No one wrote a book on how to act like a cold, wandering soul. His dreams were limited, meaning he has to find new ones or tweak them a lot to make it possible. Despite her reserved nature, he figured that Manwol looked like someone who knows what she’s talking about. With the grim reaper he’s read in children’s books, he wasn’t as frightening as he was portrayed.

This was his last shot.

“Guide me, please.”

The car ride alone there was messy and bumpy since it was peak war season. He wasn’t the only person who lost their life that night and riding in the vehicle. He recognized a few of them. It was saddening to find the playful Donghyuck, his youngest companion, beside him.

“I sacrificed myself to protect two unarmed nurses in the medic tent when some enemy soldiers charged inside.”

Another was the wise Taeil, who was stationed by the barracks. He was one of the people in the front of in line for battle.

“I thought they were fooling with us, and then suddenly fired multiple attacks. I caught on to it quickly, but they still got me.”

Doyoung remembered all those times he used to ask for love advice from him when it grew hard to be far from you. But that advice is no longer useful when he’s further away from you. He was dead, you weren’t.

Once the three of them arrived at their destination, it was an inn that looked destroyed from the outside, but very organized on the inside. Donghyuck and Taeil decided already what they wanted to do before they cross the other side. Doyoung, on the other hand, was still contemplating.

Manwol knew well how to spot a heartbroken person, being one herself. She wasn’t one to interfere with these affairs, but maybe she’d make an exception. Seeing right through him, he lived a fruitful life. She saw his sacrifice, picking up on his last words being dedicated for you, his lover. He didn’t die in vain.

When the two men were off to follow their plans, Manwol took this chance to approach the downcast man again.

“Is something you holding you back from going…” She questioned, staying by his side for a moment. “…or a special someone?”

“I promised my lover to fight strong and to stay alive while she promised to keep waiting for me. But here I am. She has yet to know that I didn’t make it and I can’t bear to see her in utter pain.”

“Death during a war isn’t new, Doyoung. A lot of promises become broken.”

“But I had so much I wanted to do with her after, Manwol. I can’t just leave her yet, I want to stay by her side even if we can’t see each other physically.”

Based on the information Manwol received about Doyoung from the inn staff, it came to her attention that he was fond of books. Thus, it gave her an idea.

“Doyoung, you’re very similar to the staff here. They all have goals that take years to accomplish, so I gave them a job here.”

“What are you offering me then, Manwol?”

“I have a library here in dire need of a librarian. With your interest in books, would you like to take it? After all, I’m implying that you’d want to wait for your lover to make up for your broken promise.”

Doyoung can’t deny that she was wrong. This was where his journey at Manwol Inn (then became Hotel Del Luna) started. Time worked a little bit differently as a ghost, but it’ll be worth it until you return in his arms one day.

On the day you regrettably received the letter from the military about the tragedy, life has turned for the worst. Upon seeing a soldier by your front step, it was only an innocent habit to give him letters for Doyoung and receiving new ones. However, his hand halted you to hand over a military logo imprinted envelope addressed to you alongside his tidy military uniform other letters from Doyoung.

His last letters.

You had no courage to even complete reading it when the first few lines weren’t enough to taunt you. Nothing could prepare for this dreaded moment.

“We regret to inform you that a report from the war office has confirmed that Kim Doyoung was a casualty of the sudden attack of Seoul. this letter formally declares that he was killed in action....”

Dropping the god-forsaken letter in your hands, you instantly locked yourself in your room. Your parents, who picked it up to read, came running to your door and tediously knocking for you to open it. But you didn’t listen, the heartbreak being too grave.

You tried so hard to keep it together these past months. but this kind of grief resulted in your feeble figure pouring into a heap of salty tears and loud sobs. Your back against the wall smoothly slid down until your butt landed on the floor. You clutched on to your gut that continuously stabbed you back and forth.

Betrayal was an understatement, yet it was beyond his control. War guarantees nothing.

But not when you needed him more than ever, especially when the biggest yet most unexpected news came upon you. All nausea and wild mood swings in the weeks that followed after he left weren’t normal, only to find out that you were expecting his child.

It was a secret you didn’t know how to confront through letters because it was best to tell him in person. Due to the situation, it was impossible. Only in your latest letter did you finally come clean about it, but it was now never to be sent because he has already passed away. Your entire family wasn’t pleased with this outcome but they didn’t shame you for it either. It was your choice and body after all.

They were concerned about how others will perceive you in the long run. An unmarried woman carrying a dead man’s child is taboo in this conservative society. Yet abortion is seen in a bad light too. You were stuck in a double edge sword, but you knew from the beginning that you wanted to keep the child. It’s a struggle, for sure, and your plans will have to wait.

Amid this bad luck, this unborn child is the last closest piece of Doyoung.

Amongst your unavoidable flow of tears that you knew must be stopped so it wouldn’t badly affect your child, you placed a hand on top of your lower belly. There was already an evident swelling bump, but your choice to continue wearing loose clothing to swerve from the public’s judgment covered it fine.

Well, for now. Only in the last trimester, it was going to be a challenge.

“I’m sorry you won’t be meet your father....” You spoke, rubbing it upwards. “....But I’ll make sure to take good care of you. You’re all I have left of him.”

Ever since Doyoung accepted Manwol’s offer, he never left his spot at the library. He was amazed at the endless arrangements of books. Even the western books his parents banned him from reading as a child were there. All this entertainment can distract from the long time he has to wait.

Except for today specifically, he asked Jeno, a new friend he made who also lost his life during the Korean war, to take over for a few hours when he found out that mail was to be delivered in Busan.

“Hyung, are you sure?”

“I just need to see her, Jeno.”

Doyoung expected the heartache when he saw you cry in your bedroom after finding out, and he couldn’t refrain from crying with you. Even as a soul, he’d do anything to cradle you in his arms and say that things will get better in time. How he wanted to tell you to take your time in life and that he’s willing to wait until your time comes. Whenever it could be.

Sadly, he was right there listening to you talk to your unborn child. The disbelief of in his reaction; he was supposed to be a father. Sure, he was relatively young. People won’t approve of it because you were unmarried. But it was an early start to settling down with each other.

It took him a while to accept his unfortunate fate, but for him to be robbed of this meaningful part in life was more unbearable to deal with.

From that point, he made sure to watch over you even if he was invisible. Even if Manwol advised him not to so it won’t complicate anything, he reassured that he has it under control. As a ghost without any grudges, what’s there to throw a fit at? He could retaliate at the enemy soldiers who shot him fearlessly, but they are nowhere to be found and he had no interest to turn into ashes.

The only time he assisted you was when you were giving birth. It was an excruciating process, sweating and breathing intensely. You let a scream every time you pushed, like any of the herbs or medications you consumed were wearing off. Your body wanted to give up as it weakened at the loss of blood.

Childbirth is no joke, having high mortality rates during these times. It was a tempting choice you’d want to take as Doyoung is no longer alive. But you knew it was selfish to leave your child as an orphan.

Doyoung couldn’t withstand watching you struggle anymore. If there was a trick Manwol taught him, it was to possess people. It’s often portrayed as a negative skill, warning him to only use it when it’s an emergency.

The pitiful way your eyes were drained off energy, he had to step in. Observing the midwife panicking on your side even if she was giving you support, he took his chance to possess her. Adjusting to this body, it made him glad to feel your warm hand again.

“(Y/N), your child is almost here.” The doctor positively announced.

“I want a breather. The grim reaper should just take me.” You complained as your mother wiped the endless drops of sweat on your forehead. Doyoung took it to heart, knowing death firsthand was no joke.

“Yah, don’t say stuff like that, (Y/N). This child is bound to be an amazing addition to your life.”

You didn’t know how your timid midwife would straighten you up, but it motivated you a lot more to finish the process. Little did you know.

She gladly accepted your firm grips on her hand, giving affirmative responses to keep you going. In moments you closed your eyes to push, you couldn’t help notice in the corner of your eye how from the physique of your midwife, you swore you saw him. His hand holding yours instead of the midwife.

Was this in the medication? For a moment, you let a tear not from pain but from happiness to catch a glimpse of him in your weakest moment. Every day, you were missing him.

It took almost half an hour before a small set of wails bore in the room while you harshly threw yourself back in the bed to recover your breathing patterns. It knocked you out for a while. Doyoung, still possessing the midwife, was handed the newborn by the doctor and tasked to clean her up.

“It’s a healthy baby girl.” the doctor confirmed as he wiped away the blood on the floor.

He was then brought by your mother to a designated room to bathe the relaxed newborn in his arms.

His newborn.

His desire to phase out of the midwife and use his skill to be visible while holding his child was strong. But it’s too risky since the midwife can catch him. He sucked it up and proceeded in what the books taught him on bathing a baby. During his break time, he’d read all the parenting books he could find. It’ll be rare anyways for him to use the tips, but he always wanted to stay prepared.

As the bubbles of the soap surrounded the relaxed baby, he washed her delicately to avoid her from waking up. He was just mesmerized at how you and he created something so precious. He used to be the type of man to be awkward around kids, but after catering to many children in the library and now his child, it started to change.

“Hello there, little one. Your mother needs you, so you better be good to her.”

Ghosts were highly discouraged to make any more emotional connections with the living because they’ll just end up being hurt, making it harder to move on. Exactly what Doyoung is doing was that, and the more he bonded with his daughter, it was a rekindled kind of pain. The kind when you separate family from each other. The same one he felt when he bid his parents good-bye before joining the war, only to never come back.

To top this off, the tiny hand of his sleeping daughter, whom he finally dried off with a small towel and wrapped in a fresh blanket, sleepily grasped on his pinky finger. Technically, it was the midwife’s, but he was in control.

Nonetheless, the innocent gesture got him both feeling on top of the moon and disheartened at the same time. As he curled it in a silly manner, noticing the size difference, he leaned down to leave a kiss on top of her forehead.

“I’m sorry I’m going to miss out on your life. But I’ll always be here for you, even if I’m in the shadows. Don’t ever question my love for you. Because I do love you, wholeheartedly.”

Kim Areum.

That was the name you settled with when your daughter was finally in your arms. It’s ideal to give Doyoung’s last name too because she is half of him. After resting for quite a while, you noticed how the midwife suddenly shook her body and took a loud deep breath when she helped out cleaning the area up.

“Are you okay?” You question, noticing her state of confusion.

“Uhm, yeah....” She narrowed her eyes to her environment. “Oh wait, you gave birth already? Wow, that was pretty fast...”

“Yes, you were right beside me the whole time...” You glanced sideways at her, suspicious.

“Oh wow yeah, I was.” She tried to laugh it off. “It was like I had an out-of-this-world moment or something. Oh whatever, I sound stupid.”

That brought you back to your early doubts. Whether or not he showed up or you were somewhat hallucinating. But not wanting to reflect too much on the impossible, you merely refocused to the peaceful newborn nestled in your arms.

She’s the only one keeping you alive in these hard times. She served as a reminder of him, thus you’ll hold on to her. From the outside of your window, all Doyoung can do now is to continue watching from afar every once in a while.

1954

Not much has changed in the past few years. You were either reading or taking care of Areum. Your family was lucky enough to have good housing, but getting important necessities such as water and food was a constant struggle.

With the war leading to lots of souls in the inn, he had to fulfill his mandatory orders to prepare souls to move on. He was joyful to be of service to others like he was back in the day.

Though lately, it’s still unavoidable for him to ponder how exactly are you and his daughter are doing. Once Donghyuck and Taeil went ahead for the afterlife, the loneliness began to creep in. Then a while ago, Jeno introduced him to a new group of children today checking out the library. Caught in a deadly car accident on their way home from school, he pitied how such bright kids left the world too soon.

These factors sparked his longing, plus there was still something above that: it was your birthday soon. Much to his luck, Manwol just received a new gift from the deities that might be his biggest help in coping.

“A dream call?” Doyoung inquired once he was summoned by Manwol to the meeting room, sitting across her.

“Yes, a call to anyone from the living that you wish to talk to in their dreams. Though this can only be used once per visitor. The deities pitied those with loved ones who want to see them physically. Thus, they invented this.”

“What are you implying?”

“Doyoung, you know well how easy I can read people even through their fake smiles. You miss her very much.” Manwol replied, holding up the phone to his ear. “This is your chance, Doyoung. Even if you can’t see them, they will see you.”

The first dream started with you sitting at your old spot by the river, in a simple dress Doyoung bought for you on your last ever birthday celebration with him. The forest looked breathtaking as if it was still pre-war times again. The river was still clear of blood and pollution. It must be spring, the flowers above you on the tree were in full bloom.

The sound of bike wheels stopping to park in the grass and someone humming changed your point of interest. There was the only person in your mind who would do that. Jumping from your seated position, you looked behind the other side of the tree only to find him picking up flowers from the branches. He was tall, not having much difficulty getting them.

The way he looked so peaceful and well-rested. This beauty and peace of mind he radiated, it was unreal.

“Doyoung.”

He clenched on the phone with his hand, his concealed yearning to at least hear his name on your lips again urged a tear to go down his cheek.

“Happy birthday, (Y/N).”

He handed you the flower bouquet he made for you. Meanwhile, he suddenly dropped it when you didn’t hesitate to sling your arms around his waist. Your head pressed to his chest, pulling him closer you could care less if you lost your breath. Doyoung felt that tight hug, gripping on the part of his uniform where you placed your head. He rubbed it as if it was your hair.

None of you spoke a word and gracefully paused to take a moment.

Time in a dream call works a bit differently than in the living world. Once you’re in session, one minute alone of talking is equivalent to 30 minutes in the living world.

Doyoung took his first call to catch up with you and say everything he never got to before. It was also where he confessed how he knew about your daughter. There were guilt and regret at how you could’ve told him in your earlier letters.

“You were scared, (Y/N). There’s no way I can blame you.” Laying against his chest, he comforted you. “By the way, she has your nose, you know.”

There was this wave of relief that splashed you after this big burden lifted. You can live a more untroubled life now.

“She has your temper though.” You jokingly say, putting you in a fit of giggles. It’s been too long since you experienced genuine humor.

“At age 3? Yah, I’m impressed.” He remarked with pride.

Since Doyoung wasn’t capable to be physically affectionate in the dreams, he was more on receiving them from you. In return, he gave sincere conversations even if they were a yearly thing. Talking about your daughter was one of your favorite topics. adolescence, teenage years, to university, there was so much to talk about. Doyoung would only use his dream calls on you on your birthday, making them more meaningful. Each one, you were both back to your twenties with different outfits and settings based on the differing decades.

“Don’t you feel burdened to wait for me?” You asked as his fingers brushed some of your hair back while you watched the sunset from a wooden bench.

“No, I’m not. there are still many things I want to fulfill before moving on. I also want to watch Areum grow up and help you in any possible. Only when these goals of mine and others are cleared, then I‘ll be able to rest well.”

“Will you be okay until then, Doyoung?”

“I broke a promise with you, (Y/N). and I want to make up for it.”

“What will you do when my time comes?” Your hand interlocked with his, squeezing it tight even if he couldn’t reciprocate it.

“I will shout out your name and hug you tight, my love. But until then, appreciate your life. Live it to its fullest. For me.”

Doyoung sensed your worry but comforted you that it’ll be okay. He wasn’t lying either when he said he wanted to do a lot of things too. Every dream call, his gut feelings were strong to know what you were going through in every call, giving you any advice to get you through them.

To count, he gave you almost 50 dream calls.

The late 1950s-1960s

After returning to university to finish your undergraduate studies when the war ended, you continued to pursue law school and taking the exams as you’ve wanted. But this meant moving to Seoul for better opportunities.

Doyoung celebrated with himself when he found out, not having to take the bus or ride the hotel car to Busan every time he wanted to see you two. Now, he could simply walk back and forth, managing it with his shifts.

Currently, he was taking a break in his office. The deities gifted him with a bunch of murder mystery books from the West, fully immersed in the storylines. Leaning backward from his chair, he was abruptly disconnected by a knock on his open door.

“Hyung, you have a special visitor in the lobby.” Jeno urgently informed Doyoung as he leaned on the side of his office door, out of breath. “It’s quite important if you ask me.”

Doyoung removed his reading glasses and put down his novel. Putting back his blazer on, he approached his younger friend and made their way down the hallway together hastily.

“Is it a family member who’s passed?” He questioned, slightly folding his blazer sleeves then adjusting the hotel pin on his chest pocket. By the tone Jeno spoke, it must’ve been serious. Although there’s no way it can be you just yet, he has no idea who was looking for him then.

The lobby was bustling with numerous souls. Some still fresh, some just roaming around, while others were preparing to pass the other side. Nothing new to it, until Jeno pointed out a specific scene in one corner of the room.

“Hyung, over there.”

Like an obedient puppy, Doyoung looked over to where Jeno’s finger directed. At first glance, by her long black hair, he recognized Manwol, who was kneeling in front of someone seated. It wasn’t until she stood up and shifted her body to the side to reveal that someone, patting her young head kindly.

She wore a ribbon on her hair, matching with the colors of her floral dress while carefully holding on to a piece of paper with her drawing. Due to the distance, he couldn’t make out what she drew. Though with her dazzling eye smile formed by her small eyes, he knew her too well.

“Areum.”

Right on cue, the young girl caught his entrancing gaze. With the widest smile, she exclaimed “Daddy!”

Manwol, who was right beside her, held her hand and graced their way to Doyoung and Jeno. The two knew she despised children, ordering them to keep a keener eye on them when they wander around so they don’t access the hallway leading to her office. Unexpectedly, Areum didn’t burden her the slightest. She brought a different aura, a very pure and full of love kind.

With the full moon shining at its peak, becoming present to the eyes of the living, she must’ve spotted the hotel from afar and her interest grew wild for it. Typical for girls her age. Not afraid of the risks, she followed any directions to get here. Coincidentally, she encountered Manwol in the front gate.

Manwol recognized her straight away, even when she glimpsed the drawing of her family she treasured in her chest. She still included her father, whom she was very much acquainted with. Though, she was puzzled by her sudden appearance. When Areum explained that her father lived in the hotel according to your stories, her heart fell to her gut. Indeed, she was right, but again, ghosts are discouraged to have connections with the living or anything related to it. However, her strong senses couldn’t disregard how much Doyoung yearned for his family. Lately, his only daughter when numerous children arrived at the hotel. He didn’t want to voice it out however because the other staff shared the same sentiments, so it would be insensitive so he just kept it to himself. But Manwol sensed it all too well.

She won’t tell anyone this, but she has quite a soft spot for Doyoung. She empathized with him the most since he came to the hotel, willing to do what it takes to make his coping and waiting worthwhile. She was still brash at times, but only when necessary.

Areum’s presence didn’t seem to harm anyone, charming anyone around with a smile and her words. Especially that smile, it shows enough of how much she’s Doyoung’s daughter. With a rough internal debate, Manwol welcomed her inside the magical hotel Areum described it as and tasked Jeno to call for Doyoung. It was a risk, but a needed one.

With Manwol innocently holding the young girl’s hand, she looked her down and asked her, “Is that your father from your drawing, Areum?”

Areum lit up as she tilted her head upwards to see her tall father, nodding proudly. “Yes, that’s him! The one my mom talks about in her dreams too!”

Doyoung’s heart swelled at her pride for him, not hesitating to kneel to her height. Arms wide open, he loudly called her out for the first time. “Areum!”

The young girl, letting go of Manwol’s hand, ran as fast as her short legs could like nothing can stop her, even if the lobby was packed. Soon enough, she’s at the grasp of her father, carrying and hugging her in circles. Light as a feather, he took in her scent and warmth. The racing beat of her heart pulsated against his chest, reminding how much life she’s filled with. It was liberating that she found him, even when he stood behind the dark shadows.

Once he put her back down, “What brings you here, Areum? Isn’t it past your bedtime already?”

She pouted, sulking at disobeying your rules. “I know, but as soon as I was ready for bed, I saw the hotel in bright lights just like mommy described. She said that only during the peak full moon it’ll be shown to very special people who are alive, and it turns out that I’m one of them, daddy.”

Hearing that title from her lips was something he would’ve never get sick of. He felt the validity more than ever.

The odds of being a human spotting the hotel during peak full moon was rare, earning perplexed looks by those who don’t see it. Doyoung never encountered a human waltzing in the hotel out of the bloom, so for his daughter to have this mystical ability was a gift in disguise. Maybe the deities knew how to cut off some slack and agony for wandering souls. This was an excuse to stop cursing them now and then.

“Wow, aren’t you a lucky girl for that?” Jeno, whom he forgot was by his side, patted her head similarly to Manwol. “Your father missed you dearly, you know?”

“Well, Mr. Jeno,” She picked up his name from his nametag. “I missed him too.”

Doyoung processed the features of the angelic girl in front of him, astonished at how you and he created someone so cheerful during a time of trouble. Aside from her eye smile, she had his gummy smile and curiosity, while she inherited your nose and intelligence. Cupping her chubby cheek, he pinched it with a cute sound effect from his mouth.

“Daddy!” She protested, slapping his hand away and dramatically covered her reddening cheek. “Not allowed to that, ever.”

Oh, you weren’t joking when you said she had his temper too.

Before he could defend himself, Manwol reentered their interaction. Like common sense, Doyoung got back on his feet but helplessly giving side glances to his daughter. Manwol giggled at his sudden formality before instructing Jeno to lead Areum to the carnival room. As Areum waves him goodbye for the meantime, Manwol added on.

“There’s a rise of kids checking in the hotel, unfortunately, so I wholeheartedly requested the deities to create an area dedicated for child-like fun. Just today, it’s finished in construction so it’s a great place for Areum to explore.”

“Manwol, I-” He was feeling overwhelmed, stumbling his words. “Why did you this for me?”

“You used your dream calls for (Y/N), but there’s never been a way for you to reach out to your daughter. And the way her glimmering eyes wanted to come in when she shouldn’t, I couldn’t refuse a chance for the two to reunite.”

“But what about the deities?”

“I’ll handle it. What matters is that you have tonight to spend with Areum. It’s the least thing I could do as you are one of my beloved staff,” She reassured, yet looked at him in a downcast manner. “But as much as possible, everything tonight must feel like a vivid dream to her. She’s not allowed to keep any knick-knacks from tonight either.”

Everything always came at a price. Doyoung was acquainted well enough, but he can’t lie to say that I didn’t ache. Nonetheless, Manwol having such a selfless side was completely new to him. That’s why he never asked for favors like the other staff since he’ll just get turned down or scolded like a child. Maybe she wasn’t as scary as to how they labeled her all these years he’s worked for her.

Manwol took Doyoung’s silence under the impression of internal conflict. In true Manwol fashion, she clapped her hands right in front of his visage, snatching him back to reality. “You’re wasting time, Doyoung! Don’t think about it too much right now. Now come on and dress up more casually, your daughter is waiting for you.”

Following her order, he bowed respectfully before zooming to his hotel room. She was right, he has to enjoy whatever is given. Demanding for more when you’re already dead is disrespectful to the eyes of the deities, considering that alongside your past life when you step into the afterlife.

From his uniform, he changed into a white long sleeve buttoned-up, which was layered under a lilac knit sweater, and black trousers. He styled his hair in a dandier way, applying gel then combing it upwards. He was only following the trends of the decade, basing it on the recently checked-in souls. Deities must’ve liked him a lot to give him a lot of gifts from time to time, making him completely disregard the money from the living world Manwol gives during his off days. Most of the time, his off days are spent either secretly observing you and your daughter, or reading more books in the library.

This one was like a change of scenery, his heart pumping once he exited to the elevator and rushed to the carnival room. And just as he entered the doors, the wave of nostalgia hit him instantaneously. It felt like he was in university again, bringing you around the bizarre contraptions and games for the first time for your amusement. A spark in your romance, so full of young love and naivety of what was to come.

He spotted his young girl wrapped around in the arms of Jeno, explaining to her about the wide range of rides as she licked on a rainbow lollipop. Once he showed up to the both of them, Jeno cautiously put her down so she can hold Doyoung’s hand.

“You deserve this, hyung. Make it worthwhile.” Jeno placed his hand on his older friend’s shoulder before leaving the room. Keeping it in mind, Doyoung kneeled again in front of his daughter. Her smiles were contagious, fascinated by everything she’s surrounded in.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, daddy.” That line sounded familiar, chuckling at the precious memory.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s have fun tonight!”

The bliss in tonight was never-ending, like the two of them were in their own world. Areum wanted to ride on a horse in a carousel first, which Doyoung agreed to. Lifting her, he held her by the waist as the ride started to go. She pointed out every object that she can see while Doyoung avidly listened, then telling her what each ride and game consists of in return.

Once they got off, her short legs scurried off to the game booth where rows of bottles were laid in front of her. Right beside her were the rings. Doyoung properly described the instructions, and on the dot, Areum went ham and started throwing the rings in random directions. By the way, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed, her competitive side was evident. Doyoung observed as she either hit or miss, finding another trait of his in her.

You’d find it hard to believe, but she would’ve been a total daddy’s girl.

To her success, she squealed victoriously as she won and hugged her dad. One of the staff in charge rewarded her with new candy to munch on, and off she went to look for the next attraction to divulge in. Doyoung struggled a little catching up to her, but anything he would do for his daughter.

From a one on one balloon dart game, which Doyoung willingly let Areum won because she’s a fussy one, roaming through a mini house of mirrors, riding the indoor Ferris wheel, and many more, Areum was ready to move to the next venue after telling her father that she wanted him to read to her.

“Mommy said you’re a librarian here because you like reading. I like it too, can you take me there?”

Just like you, he was charmed by his daughter. “Alright, Areum. Let’s go there then.”

Before they made it through past the wide doors with the bright red sign above saying “Exit”, Areum’s attention was distracted by a black kiosk near the Ferris wheel. She followed her gut, changing her direction. Doyoung quickly followed her footsteps, only to turn up in front of a photo booth.

“Wow, are these where you can take instant pictures, daddy?”

Waves of nostalgia hit Doyoung as if he were on the beach, totally unprepared for the emotional impact. With Areum, he missed your presence more than ever. Having you there completed your family, and it could’ve been quite a reunion.

“Yes, Areum. How about you go inside and daddy will insert some coins so you can have your pictures taken?”

“But daddy, I want to take pictures with you! It’s only mommy that has pictures with you, and I don’t want to feel left out.” She threw a tantrum, crossing her arms.

Here she goes again, making it difficult for Doyoung to refuse. Even with Manwol only giving him one rule to follow for the night, he doesn’t want any bad memories to be made with his daughter. He’ll have to work it out one way or another later. In the meantime, he smirked before carried her out of the blue inside the booth. Her shrieks increased in volume, only softening after she settled on her father’s lap. Doyoung inserts a few coins, and swiftly enough, the contraption started to operate.

“Okay Areum, one photo strip has 4 solo photos in it. 4 smiles or poses, okay? You’re going to look at the lens there, in the shape of a circle. Then, the flash is going to show in 3, 2-” Right on time, the two smiled.

They had less than 10 seconds until the second shot, so the two pulled random funny expressions. Doyoung pouted his lips, while Areum stuck out her tongue. For the third photo, Doyoung kissed the top of her head while Areum poked her cheeks with her fingers. Lastly, Areum instructed her father to lower his head to her level so she can peck his cheek. His shock was perfectly taken, filling his heart with adoration.

Areum hating getting affection but loves giving it? Another trait of his.

The look of amazement Areum gave once she stepped foot on the endless library was priceless. She described how it was bigger than the national library in Seoul. While she strolled around the near shelves, Jeno, taking over his night shift, approached him with a bottled treat. But it wasn’t just a normal one.

“Manwol and I overheard that she liked strawberry milk, so Manwol told me to give it to you. It has the dream spell potion from Johnny’s bar mixed with flowers from the deities so she can’t see ghosts or the hotel anymore. Make sure she drinks it before she leaves this place.”

While Areum settles on the small couch with her chosen books, she patiently anticipated for her father to read to her before her yawning takes over her. She never tracked the time, but she’s gone way beyond her average curfew.

“Sleepy already, sweetheart?” Doyoung asked as he sat beside her, inspecting her drowsy state.

Areum shook her head, displaying all the books she got on the table in front of her. “Nope! Not until you read me a bedtime story.”

Doyoung scanned through her book selection, amazed by her choices. The Little Prince, Winnie the Pooh, Goodnight Moon, and a bunch of Madeline books from the series, he couldn’t decide! If only he could read them all for her.

A lot of those books he read growing up, and the same goes for you. Especially Madeline, which he discovered through you as one of your childhood favorites. By instinct, he chose the first book from the series, simply entitled “Madeline”.

“This one.” He patted his lap so she could sit on it, which she did without wasting a breath.

It was ironic for a librarian to have never read aloud for anyone during his stay. Maybe because no one asked him to nor he wasn’t into reading aloud. He preferred reading to himself, only helping those looking for specific books or recommending if anyone has a favorite genre. Maybe he’ll give it a shot now. This first-hand experience opened his eyes to a new type of intimacy, hearing the adorable reactions from his daughter as he read the life of Madeline in Paris.

“In the middle of one night, Miss Clavel turned on her light and said, “Something is not right!”.” Doyoung flipped the next page. “Little Madeline sat in bed, cried and cried-”

“She cried to get attention, huh?” Areum commented mid-reading.

“Areum, if she didn’t, she could get even sicker. We don’t want that, right?”

“If I cried like that, would that be enough to bring you back to me and mommy, daddy?” She wholesomely questioned, twisting her body weight so she could face him. “Mommy already has a way to reach to you, and I want something like that too”

Doyoung knew she was a smart girl, but she often denies the reality of some things. In this case, her father’s passing still hasn’t hit her, even if she possessed the mystical skill to see ghosts and the hotel. Doyoung felt cornered, so before he could think of a reply, he kindly asks her,

“Hmm, what do you have in mind, sweetheart?”

“Well,” She pouted as she fidgeted with her index fingers. “I read all your old letters to mommy, so maybe I can write you one every year.”

“What a great idea, sweetheart!” He cheered. “How will you give it?”

“Uh..” She paused to think, then a bright idea came to her. “During your birthday, daddy! Mommy and I still celebrate it if you don’t know, so I can offer it alongside the food.”

Doyoung played along, knowing that tradition of yours. Although it still aches him to show up on his death anniversary, he compromised by showing up on his birthday. He’d see his and your families celebrating, talking about the positive and fun things about him in his life. He observed his daughter a little more later when she got older and started talking. Whenever you praised him for something, there was hope and inspiration in her young eyes. It’s uplifting to discover that his legacy was seen in a good light. He’d never wanted to be seen as a bad guy to anyone.

“I’ll look forward to it, sweetheart. Promise?” He stuck out his pinky to her, getting curled in response by hers.

“Promise!”

Both of them chuckled, appreciating the moment. His long arms embraced her from the back, nuzzling his head on his shoulder. How blessed to have a daughter like her, but from a glance, the bottle of strawberry milk situated beside the pile of books gave a remembrance of one of his remaining tasks. It had to be done, but he hoped she won’t at least forget to write to him.

“Look! Miss Manwol wanted to give this to you.” He handed it to her.

Ecstatic, she cranked open the bottle cap and took tiny sips of it. “It’s so good, daddy!”

Doyoung softly laughed as excess milk drops dribbled in her lips, wiping it with his thumb. “Aigoo, you messy girl. Let’s continue, shall we?”

Cozying up to him again, Doyoung resumed his storytelling. Once he said the words, “The end.”, the small head of his daughter completely leaned against his chest. Snuggling for more comfort, he checked her current condition. Knocked out like a light, he puts the book down and cradled her for a second. The last time he did something like this was when she was born. She was tiny then, and now, she’s bound to outgrow his lap sooner or later.

This was his sign to bring her home.

He boosted her small figure, her head now planted on his shoulder and his hand resting behind the nape of her neck. Her legs were entangled in his torso when he showed up at the lobby again. It was much more serene, everyone checked in already.

“Aigoo, fast asleep already?” Manwol made an appearance without warning, alongside her personal driver Yuta and the bartender Johnny.

“As expected from my magic.” Johnny commended himself, stretching his fingers. That easily gave him a slap from Yuta.

“Can’t you be more sensitive to Doyoung?”

Not caring about those two, Manwol caressed Areum from behind. Inside her cold heart, she brought so much amusement. Even if she embodied traits from Doyoung, she stood out from his usual reserved nature. She had so much energy, and it’s a fresh sight. Manwol secretly peered at their father-daughter time in the library, and she sensed the love the two had for each other. Even if it’s unbearable to separate them, having tonight was a pleasure for all.

“Yuta,” She summoned him. “Drop these two to her house safe and sound. It’s too dangerous to walk in the dark right now.”

Bowing in response, he led the way to the elevator for Doyoung to follow. But before he took the first step, Manwol halted him by the arm. “You better come back, or the deities won’t be pleased.”

He nodded before he was sent on his way. Wasn’t this brutal?

The silence in the car ride is deafening, though he didn’t want to disturb his little girl either. Yuta peeked from the mirror now and then to check on the two, sharing the gloom of his fellow friend. Having something or someone so valuable from the living world makes it hard to leave it. He understood as he suffered a similar fate to him.

When they’ve arrived at their destination, Doyoung was quick to notice that the lights from your living room were still on. It’s too risky to waltz in through the front door, squinting for other ways to go inside. To his luck, the window of Areum’s bedroom was wide open. That must’ve been how she escaped earlier.

“Be careful, Doyoung. Her neighbors may be watching.”

“It’s around 4 am right now, Yuta. I’ll be fine.” He reassured, clicking open the car door with his daughter peacefully asleep.

Entering inside her bedroom, he gently put her down on her soft bed. Covering her body with the duvet so she wouldn’t get cold, he took one last lingering look before taking his leave. Manwol might be looking for him already. Pressuring even to know that Yuta was waiting outside for him and that the deities are looking down on him too.

“Daddy,” Her tiny hand tugged on his sleeve, stopping his movements. Her droopy eyes faintly ajar, wanting to capture these last dreamy moments. “Don’t leave me and mommy again.”

This retouched attachment between the two made things much more stifling to accept reality. Doyoung understood her fright and sighed, kneeling to her again. Patting her head, “I’m sorry but I have no choice, sweetheart. We don’t want daddy to get in trouble, right?”

She lazily nods, tugging on his sleeve again. “Can you sing me to sleep, daddy? You used to do that for mommy.”

He grinned, accepted her last request. Holding on her hand, kissing it, he quietly sings.

“Eonjebuteoinji geudaereul bomyeon….”

When the song reached its end, the soft snores from Areum filled his eardrums. Her eyes are fully closed, and her tiny head fell to the side of her pillow. Kissing her forehead, he whispered, “Good night, sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much.”

A cute sight to Doyoung, she occupied a huge part in his heart. Even if everything tonight will feel like a complete dream, it’s a memorable moment for Doyoung that he’ll treasure.

Initially, he planned to leave her bedroom the same way he came in, which was through her window. That’s all Manwol tasked him to do when he arrives at your house, but his heart selfishly desires to see you. Even if he was invisible now. His powers were weakening, twitching from being visible to invisible back and forth.

Never has he stepped inside your new house, and this could be his only chance.

The first thing he saw after leaving his daughter’s bedroom was the dining room. Tidy and organized, as expected from you. For the living room connected to it, the simple decorations invited him inside. Assorted photos hung in the wall and by the table near the front door, with a fresh bouquet of asters in a vase there too.

Alluring as it is, the only thing Doyoung couldn’t keep his eyes off the most was a sleeping you in pajamas, hunched over the coffee table on top of books and numerous paperwork. An empty coffee glass neared the edge, so he caught it before you squirmed again from your sleep.

The exhaustion from your life was constantly piled up one after the other. You’ve been studying hard at law school, balancing it with a part-time job as a teacher’s assistant at your university for undergrads and being a mom to Areum. Even seeing the pile of bills right by your side, you didn’t just need the help of your families. You needed him, as a friend, lover, and father.

Men were still viewed as the main breadwinners of the family, but you juggled both positions as mother and father. It was a vicious fate, and he’d do anything to share that challenge with you. For now, the only thing he could do is bring you to bed at least.

Taking you into his arms bridal style, completely knocked out, he only assumed the remaining door in front of Areum’s bedroom was your bedroom. Carefully kicking it, he graced your bed and laid you down elegantly so your sleeping flow won’t be disturbed. He put the covers on top of your body so you’d feel comfier.

Right in front of your bedside was a breezy open window, the moonlight creeping in to highlight your sleeping face. The wrinkles on your forehead started to show, a side effect of immense stress. It’s a trait no one wants, yet it symbolized aging and moving forward to the future. Doyoung envied you for it.

Besides that, you looked youthful as ever, seeking internal peace from the outside world in your deep slumber. His index traced the outline of your face, appreciating your glow. Trapped in amazement, leaving you will be more difficult. It’s been a while since he saw you up close in the flesh, but Manwol’s words daunted his mind. Just like his daughter, his lips softly pecked your forehead and to your ear, he said in a hushed tone, “Good night, my love. I’m so proud of you.”

Getting back on his knees to exit, he’s convinced that you and your daughter can detect a leaving presence and catch it before they do. On cue, your hand unconsciously grabbed his wrist. Your mind couldn’t make up what mental state you were in, but something in you vibed a known presence. One that you’ve yearned, one that you struggle to wait and see until your birthday arrives. Is he actually here?

Doyoung reacted immediately, his feet shuffling to face you again. Eyes still shut close, but your lips released a satisfied moan as you stretched your arms slightly.

“Is it my birthday already?” You mumbled incoherently, gripping on the unknown wrist. “Or am I just lucky enough to get a free pass?”

He rolled his eyes at your nonsense. “If this was a free pass, what would you want me to do?”

You weakly took a peek. It was blurry, probably caused by your sleepiness. But you recognized the silhouette of this stranger from the back of your hand. You clutched his grip, bringing his face closer to yours. Doyoung didn’t expect such a jerking action, almost falling limp if his other free hand didn’t grip on your duvet.

“Kiss me before you go again, my love.” You requested, mindlessly craving his touch.

Loosening from your grip, his palm cupped your cheek as he wets his lips. He made the first move, sweetly and slowly. Even at your unknown state, you returned with the same level of passion, brushing the hair behind the nape of his neck to deepen it. You haven’t kissed anyone like this in a very long time, too busy with your studies and motherhood. This refreshed your memories of what you missed, a warm tear escaping your eye.

No one will ever match up to him.

Doyoung’s deprivation of physical touch for you amplified, eagerness for so much more than this. Touching himself to the thought of you grew tiring, wanting to have you in the flesh by his side. It wasn’t until a bright car light from outside shun by your window. Yuta was an impatient one, but he had every right to be.

It was fulfilling while it lasted. His heart throbbed when his lips parted from yours, opening his eyes again. Your eyes stayed closed, but your lips hummed in satisfaction.

“Nothing changed in the way you kiss, my love.” You complimented, succumbing back to your deep slumber by pulling yourself further inside the duvet.

Doyoung grinned at your words, kissing your knuckle one last time. “I meant what I said, (Y/N). Sleep well.”

He tiptoed out your bedroom, deciding to exit through the front door. Again, no one would be awake at this time anyway. However, an antique-looking photo of him caught his eye. Taking a closer look, it was you and him by his garden, clutching on his arm under their family lemon tree and smiling during pre-war times. It was a funny story actually.

His father bought a camera for the first time and wanted to test it out. You were over at their house that day to study, and his father insisted to take a photo of the two of you as a first try.

“Oh come on, we must commemorate this new contraption! The first people can be titled “Young Love” or something like that!”

Doyoung cringed, whining, “Dad, that’s so corny!”

“I don’t care. Now hurry, join the frame with (Y/N) and smile!”

His father may present himself as strict and stubborn as one of the most affluent men in Korean society even after the war, but behind the scenes, he knows how to entertain his children. Doyoung’s childhood never had a dull moment. Oh, how wished he could follow the same fate as him.

This happy photo was a golden treasure to you, framing it so it could be preserved. It was one of your last traces of him, aside from Areum. Next to it, a much smaller photo of you and Areum was placed. Also all smiles for the two of you, Areum firmly sat on your lap and clasping her hands above her dress. You cut your hair during that time, showing the dog tag necklace that once belonged to him on your neck. You were really devoted to him, and he’s grateful, to say the least.

He knew he shouldn’t take anything either before going back to the hotel, but there was just no way he can’t take this one photo of his favorite girls with him. He already kept his photo strip of him and Areum from the carnival in his back pocket, so he’ll just have to work out the consequences then.

Returning to the car was bittersweet. He took one more proper look at your home, taking in all the positive energy to have such a loving family even if he can only watch from afar. While Yuta revved the car on, Doyoung deeply sighed from the backseat. What a spontaneous evening.

“I’m guessing you didn’t resist seeing your lover either, Doyoung?” Yuta commented, viewing him from the mirror. Raising his brows playfully, “Got caught in the VIP seat of you two lip-locking.”

“First of all, that’s creepy, Yuta. Second, you most definitely know what it feels like to be separated from your lover. Cut me some slack.”

“Whatever, that’s not my business anyway. But good luck to you if Manwol asked why there was a sudden extension.” The older friend shrugged, his foot pressing on the pedal to drive off the area.

“Keyword is if she asks. Now please, drive faster, Yuta. I have a shift to fill in now.”

Last night was a gift, but also an aching reminder of what could’ve been if he never died. The sun is slowly making its appearance again, bringing in another morning in this reality. Another work day for Doyoung, more waiting to be done.

Yet recalling his bonding moments with Areum, he’ll most likely get through another few decades. He yanked out his photo strip from the back pocket of his trousers, gazing at their authentic happiness. He muttered to himself,

“I’ll see you and your mother again, and we’ll all celebrate and rejoice. ‘Til then, my sweetheart.”

Meanwhile, ever since that peculiar “dream” with Doyoung, it left you with a lot of questions. Perhaps, it’s all just in your head. Though it doesn’t quite answer how one of your beloved pictures went missing. That’s definitely something you’re going to ask if your birthday comes up again.

Moving forward, his kind words pushed you to do your best. In the next years, you first became a family lawyer for a few years to get used to the field, but permanently shifted to being a public attorney because you wanted to be able to represent those who are suffering the most yet can’t afford the legal help to avoid it.

Just like what you and Doyoung aspired.

Balancing that with a kid was overwhelming, but with your and Doyoung’s families helping you out, your stress lessened.

You served as a huge inspiration to female college students wanting to pursue law. Since law is still perceived as a male-dominated field, you constantly pushed to make space for women in that workforce. It was also rare of you to lose a case because of the hard work you put into disproving every loophole and suggesting the correct punishments for the wrongdoers.

“You really outdid yourself once again, (Y/N). Or should I say Attorney (Y/L/N) (Y/N).”

“Shut up, Doyoung. Tell me more about your hotel staff friends. That Johnny guy seems very fun, and Jeno seems like a lovely boy.”

“Johnny’s a playful lad, always the life of the party. Jeno is like the younger brother I really wish I had. Donghyun-hyung is okay and all, but he’s so high maintenance.”

“Shush! He’s doing fantastic right now. He pursued acting like he always wanted.”

“He deserves it because he’s hard-working, like yourself, Attorney.”

You’ve never fallen in love the same way you did for Doyoung. Though you won’t lie that you’ve slept with a few men during nights out with your co-workers, committing to another man was something you had no time for. You always envisioned Doyoung as the one fucking you senseless.

People viewed it as stupid to be still lovestruck over your dead lover, but you’ve been called worst insults in your life that it doesn’t sting that much anymore. At the end of the day, your heart still soared and longed for Doyoung.

You just can never let him go.

“It’s still unfair to you, Doyoung. I should be ashamed.” The two of you were at a drive-in theater, watching from the trunk of his pickup truck. Your back laid against his chest as his fingers roam your torso in an upwards motion.

“No, you shouldn’t, (Y/N). It’s natural to desire human affection. I’m the one who should be sorry for not giving it to you.”He replied, completely ignoring the film.

You scoffed jokingly. “It’s silly how we’re so deprived of sex, especially with each other.”

“Oh, (Y/N). Don’t get me started, I’m suffering here with my hand alone while you can just find any available man.”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” You surrendered, directing your head from the front to the back. “At the end of the day, it’s still your touch that still gets me weak.”

“My dear, on the day we reunite, brace yourself. I’ll show you who you really belong to.”

1973

Doyoung’s been on duty with reading books to children lately, and again, he’s aching to see what Areum’s up to. Rereading past letters from her from his birthday celebrations were driving him wild. After helping one young girl look for more books under the Madeline series, he had to make an exception. Just this once, and that would be it.

Even if he was under disguise, he desperately wanted to have just another brief conversation with her, especially that she’s a lot older compared to their last encounter. Doyoung witnessed her bloom from this imaginative young girl to a strong woman chasing after her dreams.

Like mother, like daughter.

He spotted her at a small bookstore to buy books for her classes and newly arrived ones from the States, very much interested in western literature. But upon seeing the peaked prices which were more than what she saved for, she put the book back on the shelf and gathered the ones she actually needed.

This was where Doyoung took it upon himself to offer his help. Staying long enough in the middle of the living and the dead, he was capable to turn visible.

“Stephen King, huh?” He inquired, scooting to her side and pulling out the book again to take a better look at it. He came across this book in his library, even if it was in English. “I see that you’re into horror. These books are in English though.”

Areum knew speaking to strangers is not a good thing, but if anyone reached out to her to talk about books, she can’t help but feel excited. “I’m interested in a lot of genres, and this book is pretty popular right now so I wanted to check it out. Besides, I’m reading more English books so I can become fluent one day.”

“You aren’t scared of the storylines?”

“I went through a life of hardships, sir. Nothing scares me anymore honestly.” Doyoung couldn’t help feel proud and sorry for her. Without questions, he led her to the counter and paid for all books despite her insisting not to.

“Sir, you really shouldn’t have. I can always come back for those books when I save up more.”

“It’s fine, really. With your taste in literature, you have a promising future as an author if that’s what you’re aiming for.” He complimented. Areum was frazzled at how spot on this stranger was, trying to convince him again.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t pay you back?”

“Pay me back by publishing your books.” He confidently stated, bringing out his wallet to pay the cashier. His astonishing kindness and encouragement for her are heartwarming, bowing with gratitude.

“Thank you,” She halted because she didn’t know his name.

There was no way Doyoung can disclose his actual name, so he just picked a random nickname some of the kids in the hotel who he read to coined for him. “I prefer giving people my nickname. It’s tokki.”

“Thank you, tokki. I’m Areum, Kim Areum.” She thanked him properly, struggling from carrying her things to shake his hand, but Doyoung signaled her not to.

“Nice to meet you, Areum.” He greeted back.

As Areum was more ready to part ways, Doyoung’s fatherly instincts activated due to the heavy box she held. Her dorms must be a bit far and it was already nighttime. Anything can happen.

“Excuse me, Areum. But do you mind if I help you with your books? It’s pretty late, so I just want to make you get back safe.”

Something in Areum was very willing to trust this man she just met. Sure, he was quite covered up, but it’s almost winter and maybe he didn’t want to catch a cold. Though, his intentions looked good. She’s heard stories about people getting robbed in these alleys, so she accepted his help.

Her dorms were a few blocks away, giving enough time to be acquainted with this man. Though he was the one mostly asking the questions and she answered them. She didn’t pry on it too much and went with the flow.

“Are you an only child in your family?”

“Yes. It’s also just me and my mom. I never got to meet my dad sadly. He died before I was born while battling in the Korean war.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” No matter how long it’s been since the war, the trauma of it all still haunted Doyoung.

“It’s been years so it’s fine. I found out recently that he risked his life to save his senior officer during a surprise attack from one of my uncles. If that isn’t bravery, I don’t know what is.”

“So you’re not mad at him for leaving?” He asked, hoping he didn’t cross boundaries either. He needed this closure.

“It was hard to accept at first. All my friends grew up with their actual fathers, and I felt outcasted. But there are just some things we can’t control, you know?  Besides, people always spoke of him highly and that makes me proud. Though,” She answered honestly, covering up the bitterness in her words in other not to disrespect him. “I’m pretty sure I saw him in a dream when I was younger.”

Doyoung’s heart leaped. So she may recall quite a bit. “Oh really? What was it like?”

“The only person I told this to is my mom. It felt quite unreal, honestly. I was around 7-8 years old at that time, and we were at a carnival, enjoying the attractions and stuff. Then we transitioned to this huge library where he read me a bunch of stories. One of them was Madeline, I believe. One of my favorites!”

Doyoung replays the fond memory in his mind. Time really flew by so fast.

“What a fun dream, it seems to be.”

Areum was elated at the best memory of her youth, smiling to herself. “It truly was. It felt like I was with him, you know. No matter how many times he told me he loved me there, I still respond the same way and that nothing has changed.”

“I love you too, Areum.” He mumbled quietly. That dream should not have been the only memory they have of each other. Neither of them deserved to be parted.

Soon enough, they arrived at the front doors of her dorm residence. Since it was strictly for women, she explained that she’ll carry the box from here on.

“Thanks again for the help, tokki. I’ll make sure to pay you back soon.” She spoke so casually because, for some reason, this mysterious man felt trustworthy. Her gut feeling may fool her, but she let it pass.

“Take your time, Areum. I wish you the best of luck.”

Before they went separate ways, something about her bitter words from awhile ago bothered Doyoung and he wanted to say something about it. Because looking into the far future, if he didn’t, he knew he’ll regret it and make moving on harder.

“Wait, Areum!”

Areum abruptly reacted to the shouts of her name, almost dropping the box. She faced again the mysterious tokki, who now had an awkward stance with his hand in the air waving at you.

“Yes, tokki?”

Compiling his thoughts, here goes nothing.

“This is quite random but your dad... I just know he loves you too. He’s also proud of you for being strong and intelligent. I hope you don’t forget that.”

Areum was baffled by his statement, but it was uplifting to hear that. Maybe this tokki guy was going through the same thing as her, so she didn’t want to judge too quickly. She was taught to never judge a book by its cover from you. By the quick blinking of her eyes, some tears dropped down to her cheek. She let out some sniffles on her way up to her dorm room, reassured that this stranger may just be correct. She heard what she needed to hear.

It’s been a long time since he reunited with his daughter, even if she’s fooled into thinking that the dream was just a dream. His status as a father was renewed. Even if he got a major scolding from Manwol upon his return at the hotel for ditching his shift.

“She blamed you in public? Oh no, my love.” You consoled your lover after he told you the tale.

A lot of iconic songs were released during this decade, so this dream accommodated it. It was set in a jazz bar, where all sorts of alcohol on display with assorted vinyl CDs by the platform at the end. Dimly lit with numerous empty tables and chairs, and it was only the two of you. Dressed to the nines for the occasion, your flimsy hands couldn’t stop playing with your hoop earrings. A definite staple while you swayed your hips to the beat of Superstition by Stevie Wonder.

Doyoung sat in one of the bar stools in a red v-neck top and flare pants, marveling at your physique and movements in that indigo romper. You could feel his fiery stare, your body flowing through the groove to capture him into your spell. The dream version of him always gets easily distracted when you act suggestive, especially when he isn’t in control physically. Only his words can he sort out.

Dancing towards him, you dragged his arms away from his seated position to lead him to the empty dance floor.

“Let’s dance off the stress, shall we?”

Pulling off the famous dance moves and grooving in freestyle, it was a blast. Both your young energies were in sync. From the funky beat, it shuffled into a slower yet soulful song. The unwinding mood could only mean that this dream was reaching its end. You took Doyoung’s arms again, placing one on your waist and the other interlocked with you. Taking the lead, you waltzed back and forth, twirling yourself in his arms.

Doyoung cracked a smile from the phone and in the dream, immersing himself in the lovely song. It was always played on the radio during the late-night shows, dedicated for the couples out there. With you, he could finally understand why couples request it every night.

“You are the sunshine of my life,” He sang along while feeling your heartbeat against his chest. “That's why I'll always stay around.”

“You are the apple of my eye,” You carried from where he left off, equally resonating with the lyrics. No matter how many times you’ve said or expressed your patience for each other, this song held a special place. It summed up everything you’re both fighting for.

“Forever, you'll stay in my heart.”

1980s

It came to Doyoung’s attention that there’s a new member of the hotel staff, and Manwol put him in charge of touring this new addition around and orienting them about the hotel rules. Considering he wasn’t busy, he went for it.

This person would be the replacement of Johnny, who finally passed through the afterlife in high spirits after his younger brother Mark took his rightful place as the heir of their family business. Originally, it was him, but his stepmother and stepbrother stabbed him alongside his father to get ahold of the power. Without proof, they led the business as she freely did, overworking Mark numerously and spending their money to their heart’s desire.

Doyoung couldn’t let this pass. Since Manwol hired a human manager back in the ‘70s named Kun to better facilitate human-related affairs for the hotel (taxes, bills, etc), he requested him to talk to Mark then introduce him to you.

Kun also made sure to inform you that this was Doyoung’s idea.

“This Johnny is the same Johnny that Doyoung talks about in my dreams? The one who brings the fun out of him every once and while?”

“That’s right, Ms. (Y/L/N). Due to the betrayal, he can’t move on until his stepbrother is taken down.”

The fact that Kun was a bridge to the two of you felt miraculous. Now and then, Doyoung tasked Kun to buy you flowers or coffee whenever they meet. Sometimes, he’ll ask him to send his letters to you too. In return, you replied to those letters, attaching pictures of you and Areum over time. He hung it up in his office, taking a look before every shift.

Kun didn’t mind being in the middle. While Doyoung gave her cases to work on, it makes it easier for him to wait for her. Doyoung was a guest first before being a member of staff, and as the human manager, he’ll make sure that he gets to move on too.

Even if you don’t accept cases from big companies, the touching way how Mark described his passed older brother persuaded her otherwise. He even opened up about watching his father and older brother get killed right in front of him. From there, he was held hostage for years and never told anyone about that night.

It was undoubtedly the biggest case in your career. Up until this day, everyone still talks about how complex and intense the battle was.

“Always finding a way to make justice prevail, Kim Doyoung.” You thought to yourself after gathering more evidence from Mark and Kun, working closely also with forensics and the police.

And that you did. With additional information on Johnny’s side, which helped find the empty puzzle pieces to prove his stepfamily’s guilt, they won the case. Life imprisonment and forced transferring of roles, Mark became the CEO. All those involved in hiding the truth got caught and fired from their positions.

You deserved your influential status, and due to your never-ending service, Doyoung found himself falling in love with you over and over again. Even from far away, you felt his connection and passion.

Currently, you were dealing with five cases, one of them being another request for Kun and Doyoung. It was for the murder of Yuta Nakamoto in the late 40s.

Being a migrant from Japan, numerous Koreans held grudges for their people. He was mistreated and disrespected, even if he had the most caring soul. He even found love, ready to get wed. But one normal evening after his job as a Japanese teacher, he was mobbed by Koreans and heartlessly killed. At first, he wanted vengeance. But after Manwol telling stories of souls burning into ashes when they get revenge, he changed his objective to watch the demise of all his killers, who became very influential people in Korean society.

Representing with you was his former lover, Sooyoung. No matter how many times she tried to appeal to the court in the past, no one paid attention because she was a woman and interracial relationships were taboo. Even if Yuta held a special place in her heart, she eventually got married to another man. In the beginning, she felt guilty, but after Yuta told her in a dream call that she shouldn’t be afraid to open herself up again, she never held back. And as a fellow woman who’s been ostracized, you sided with her.

She may not have her happy ending with Yuta, but it only felt right to avenge his wrongful death.

It’s a tough battle, these murderous men not owning up to their crime, and the public also discriminating the dead man by saying he deserved it. But you knew you could do it, even if it’ll take a while.

Back to the newbie, he was in his early twenties. He went by the name, Jaehyun. Just about to start his life, yet taken away just like that. Aside from being the next bartender, he has another position as the vinyl boy in the music section of the library. It came to Manwol’s attention that he wanted to pursue music when he was alive, listening to vinyl CDs or cassette players and taking singing and piano lessons growing up. While he figured out what he wants to do while moving on, he’d be in charge of organizing and playing music for the souls checked in. Sing even if requested, especially by the women who are charmed by his attractive looks.

He was a literal old soul, jazz being his favorite genre. Most of the time, he played Chet Baker or Frank Sinatra when it’s his shift at the bar. He was known for always showing his best and happy-go-lucky sides to everyone.

It took him a few years to start opening about his life, longer than most souls. But maybe because the trauma of it all stung. One night, when he, Doyoung, and Kun weren’t working, he mixed a few cocktails and completely fell off the radar.

“I was a part of a duo with one of my best friends, Hongseok. It was really fun to perform and make music with him, but then he suddenly got into drugs and had a ton load of groupies. I-I just couldn’t do it anymore with him if he wasn’t going to stop. Once I cut off ties with him, I was signed by a class A producer who loved my compositions. He even got me all sorts of opportunities to perform on TV, and I was so excited for it. But one week until I made my official debut, Hongseok reached out again with apologies, wanting to meet up so we can fix ties. I was hesitant, but I still give him the benefit of the doubt because we go way back….” He confessed, puffing out smoke from his cigarette and putting it down on the ashtray. Before he continued his story, he scoffed with profanities.

“That bitch. I fucking trusted him! I was too good to give him another shot. So after practice, he sent me an address to his apartment or so I thought. We were having drinks, just like old times. But something felt off feel when my mind started feeling hazy and I started coughing continuously because my stomach ached like crazy. He asked me if I was fine, and I told him I was. Then suddenly, baam!” He crashed his hands on the table, shocking the hell out of his two companions.

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.” Kun cursed under his breath. Doyoung nudged him the shoulder to mind his language.

“The deities are watching you, Kun. Let Jaehyun-ie continue.”

So he did. “There I was, standing beside my dead body while Hongseok rummaged with surgical gloves through my bag to steal my notebook of songs. He planted cocaine on the table where I conversed with him, and also in front of my face. Beside my glass, he laid the vial of poison he used and called the cops. With fake tears, he cried on the phone saying that he came home to my dead body and a suicide note.”

Stillness between the three of them was filled with betrayal and disappointment. For a so-called friend, this must be the worst thing you can do to them. To lessen his suffering, Jaehyun brought back his actively lit cigarette and smoked it until all the tobacco was gone. Exhaling a dark grey smoke, he spat out.

“I-I couldn’t believe it, hyungs. I lost everything after making the wrong decision of seeing him. And now, he signed under that label that found me to “give honor to my talent”. How tragic that I suddenly took my life he’d say, oh bullshit! You took away my life because you were jealous!”

Kun decided to call it a night, requesting Yukhei who’s on duty to take Jaehyun’s upcoming shifts so he could calm down. Escorting his intoxicated figure out so the other guests won’t feel bothered, Doyoung contemplated if he wanted to forward another case to you. You’ve been getting so much workload lately, according to Kun, because your success rate is high and highly in demand.

“What happened to Jaehyun?” Manwol showed up from behind, sitting across him. “Did he finally tell his story?”

Doyoung mildly groaned, devastated by it. “He did, and it breaks my heart. He’s still so young, like me.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Manwol stirred the spare cocktail, ingesting it in one go. “Is it another case worth forwarding to (Y/N)?”

“If it helps Jaehyun move on, possibly. I know it’s hard to find staff these days, Manwol. Also, she’s stacked already. I don’t know if she’ll take it.”

She snickered, patting his shoulder. “You know if it’s from you, it becomes her priority. She loves you that much, you know.”

“I know, but I wish I could help her. In person. I would’ve been a lawyer and taken Jaehyun’s case if I were alive. Murder in the first degree, false reporting to the police, stealing, his persecutor is insane and still walking free.”

The fire of passion in Doyoung wasn’t new to Manwol, nodding as he spoke. He was capable of a lot of things, but the world just wasn’t ready to see it. She was more concerned at how the deities will react when he engages in human affairs again. Even if it helps a lot of ghosts move on, it’s highly discouraged to interfere with the living world. It’ll ruin the entire flow of the world.

Doyoung already knew what he got himself into, but it’s one of the few ways he still feels relevant. Always in service for anyone who needs it, dead or alive. If the deities take him away, it’s no joke that it’ll be a riot in the entire hotel.

“In that case,” Manwol’s piercing eyes scanned right at him, filling up his glass with vodka. Second to Doyoung, she grew a fond liking to Jaehyun. She never knew how much he’s been hiding during his stay. “Forward it no matter what. End his murderer’s career at all costs.”

Doyoung smirked, lifting his glass high to clink with hers then chugging it one go.

“I’ll investigate first with Kun to know more about Jaehyun’s life, then we’ll look for someone who wants to testify for Jaehyun to meet with (Y/N).”

Amid the craze and problems in the hotel, at least Doyoung was at ease with how successful his family. Areum became a well-known author for fairytales, got married, and had 3 kids of her own. She most definitely didn’t live down to Doyoung’s promise.

“Is he a nice guy?” Doyoung inspected the man who married his only daughter. It felt like yesterday they played around in the carnival room.

“He is, Doyoung. Intelligent and caring, nothing to worry about.” You calmed his shaking leg, resting your head on his shoulder while you watch the fireflies from the campfire set prepared by the deities.

“I’m just looking out for her, you know.”

“She most definitely does know, even telling stories about us to her kids. Our grandchildren.”

“It’s hard to believe that we’re technically old when we’re always young in these dreams.”

“Maybe it’s just you being used to your youth. Meanwhile, aging is beating my ass every day.” You joked, covering yourself up in the blanket you shared. Doyoung’s bottom lip jutted out, huffing at your mean comments.

“Yah, you take that back.”

“Make me.” You fired back, riling him up.

Doyoung in the dream attacked you by tickling your sides mercilessly. Your body uncontrollably arched back and forth, falling back to the blanket you sat at. He took the advantage to pin you down, gripping on your arms to the side. With his face near yours, you closed the gap with a cheeky kiss. His touch softened, allowing you to pull him lower by his collar. Your lips molded together in every movement, feeling his tongue lick your lower lip for entrance. You freely gave in, moaning filthily.

“Didn’t even have to test me like that, my love.”

How you wished this was longer, if it weren’t for the fast fading out, and morning has arrived again. A short-lived euphoria, yet it left your panties drenched under the covers. The arousal still ran in your veins.

“Kim Doyoung, you tease.”

Back to your real life, aside from bravely taking on controversial cases, there was a thrill in every case you did and it showed by your fast-paced talking and hand gestures. Whether you won or lost, mostly the former, knowing that you helped someone made your life more meaningful.

He often forgot how you’re a grandmother during your dream calls already as time flows differently within the living and the dead. They were the only way you can be youthful and energetic. But with your actual body, it began to weaken.

Early 1990s

Nature decided to take heavier measures on you physically. On one of the monthly visits to the doctor, she noticed something off with the checkup and tests. Especially in the chest area.

“Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), I’m afraid that you have a growing lump in your breast.”

“Are you saying what I’m thinking?”

“If breast cancer is one of those though, then unfortunately yes.”

Areum was by your side that day, tearing up at her announcement. You, on the other hand, remained still and nodding at the truth. You’ve fought for a lot of things in your life, and you were so determined to beat this one.

Chemotherapy, medications, and scans are tiring and draining, but you managed to live for 2 more years. You’ve fully retired, and now and then, mentor the juniors with their cases. You’ve traveled to as many places as you can before the stages of cancer rose.

In your last months of life, you were bedridden in the most expensive hospital in Seoul, getting visits from Areum with her family, Jungwoo and Taeyong. As the latter served as definite friends to Doyoung, it was only natural to befriend them when they came into your life post-war. They supported Areum in any way they can too.  They’ve become a great company in your boring life especially in the hospital. Nowadays, Jungwoo loved sharing stories about his hyper grandchildren, who share similar traits to him, while Taeyong excitedly talked about his recent investment with a promising music company with the dream to debut talented individuals and go international in the long run.

“Mr. Lee Soo Man is dedicated to it! He hopes that next year, all his plans can start and be executed.”

“You’re always investing in start-ups, you know? You think this one will be bigger than the rest?”

“Music is universal, you know. Language barriers may be there, but music brings us together.”

Taeyong was always a delight to catch up with. However, you didn’t expect that conversation would be your last with him. A few days later, he suffered a sudden heart attack and passed. This was a sign that your time was coming. Your body falling more and more feeble every day as the disease fully took you over at night, the monitors always going on a high every so often.

It’s only a matter of time before you leave this life, and looking back, you’ve lived a tough yet productive life. Your daughter was happy and thriving in her career and family. You helped families and couples from their abusive households. You defended those with loved ones who were murdered, robbed, and lied to. You ticked off all you wanted to do beforehand.

Areum made sure to visit that night specifically as soon as she could. With your recent test results have been failing, her gut feeling kept insisting.

It’s a good thing she did.

Meanwhile, it was another day of work for Doyoung, just returning a bunch of books in their respective shelves after some teenagers left on the table. Before that, he bid Taeyong goodbye in the tunnel. It’s always nice to see a familiar face, so he couldn’t miss out on it. He shared any life stories he had with you, updating him about your state. Doyoung knew about it beforehand, and as selfish enough to look forward to it, it pained him to know you’re suffering. He only hoped you could fight through it.

“Doyoung-hyung!” Someone suddenly shouted, but he was shushed by an old lady reading her romance novel, who pointed at the sign that read “Keep quiet in the library”.

Doyoung was also annoyed, instantly nagging on the point person. “Kun! Can you read the sign? Jeez, this isn’t the first time so please-”

“(Y/N) is going off the monitor.” He blurted out. The news from one of the nurses he befriended buzzed through his phone. After finding out about his story, he wanted to help Doyoung especially when he was still alive. Doyoung may a part of the staff, but he’s still a guest. He dropped everything in his hands. Before he could race to the hospital, he changed into a specific outfit for this occasion.

This was it.

Areum was the only one by your side of your hospital bed, weeping due to your weak state. You didn’t want your other family members to witness this crucial moment. It stung that you’ll miss out on the futures of your grandchildren, but you were satisfied to just be a part of their lives. All this machinery trying to sustain your life served its purpose, but the illness you’re fighting was stronger.

“Mom....” Areum sniffled in her handkerchief, holding on to your boney hand. “I’m not ready for you to go.”

“Oh, Areum.” Your thumb caressed her soft palm as reassurance. “You grew up so well. An independent woman you are, you are so loved.”

“Mom, please....” She begged. “I can’t lose you too.”

You will never know how Areum held in her sorrow of not being able to grow up with her father. She hated the feeling of being fully abandoned. She wanted things and people to return to her, but she can’t make that choice. Being by her side all her life, losing you will be the hardest struggle she’ll have to face.

“Areum, you must understand...” You paused as a pang of pain in your chest stabs you. After a minute of enduring it, you continued. “...We are put on this world for a specific time. And if we’re called to leave, we must face it.”

She whimpered whilst holding on to your hand. She really thought you can get through this one like the rest, but your hair has gone, your body lost much weight, and your eyes lost their light.

“Mom, are you happy? You’ve fought through so much to get where you are. I can never do what you did.”

“Y-Yes, I am.” You stuttered, gracing a promising smile. “I had you, our families, and your father watching over me..”

The dreams you get on your birthday were fairytale-like stories that pushed Areum to become an author. She denied how unrealistic and supernatural they were at first. Another trait of Doyoung she got. However, when she noticed how wider your smiles are and energetic you get in the mornings after rather the feeling of distraught, she reckoned to believe they were something special. Despite knowing your love story and its downfall, she felt exhilarated at the things you and her dad did there. In a way, it brings him closer to her. But she still had that void.

“I envy you for that, mom. I wish I met him or at least came to me even if I least expected it!”

Oh, little did she know about that time in the bookstore back in the 70s. It was not coincidental; you and Doyoung planned it very well. You just played along to her complaint, alerted that this wasn’t your story to tell at this time. “Forgive your father just this once, okay? He never wanted this kind of fate for any of us. If one thing stayed constant in those dreams, it’s him always asking how you are doing.”

Her tears become uncontrollable, allowing herself to get puffy eyes and let it all out. “When you see him, please tell him I’m sorry and that I love him no matter.” “Oh, Areum. He knows that, so don’t worry about it.”

The clock was ticking for Areum before she’ll be asked to leave. With you bringing up her father again, she had one last question. Her courage to ask it was so little when she was young in fear you sulk and break down. It hurt her when the bad parts of your past tormented you.

“How much do you miss him?” The question put you in a point of self-reflection. The only person you’ve opened up to talk about him in detail was Areum. Even with your friendships with Taeyong and Jungwoo, there were some things you never disclosed with them. And never did they force you to answer because they can read you on the back of their heads: you’re still heartbroken, yet remained devoted to him.

“I miss him so much that even if this became my fate for accepting his notebook back in our university days, I would foolishly do it all over again. In those times he was no longer with us, it taught me to appreciate what and who we have in our lives because tomorrow is never guaranteed. From his impact, I learned to take care of myself again so I can take better care of you. I’m grateful you were born; he left a piece of him for me.”

“You’ve suffered so much, mom. I hope you can rest peacefully.”

“Thank you for never leaving my side, Areum.” A few tears escaped your eyes, infectious to your daughter’s gloom. “I love you.”

Meanwhile, Doyoung was right outside viewing you and Areum sharing your last conversation and goodbyes. As much as he looked forward to reuniting with you, he didn’t want to leave his only daughter alone. The deities should have shown her more mercy. Still invisible, he observed how Areum trembled when she heavily closed the door of your hospital room. Covering her sobs with her handkerchief, she took one last look through the small glass of the door. You dove into a deep sleep that would then be unawakened.

“I hope your next life is happier than this, mom, and you can cross paths again with dad and grow old with him too.”

Doyoung’s urge to show himself to his daughter to console her was overpowering him, but he restrained himself this time. A few hours later, your consciousness was faltering. Your five senses were losing touch one by one. Important memories of your long life played in your mind. Then your heart gave in and stopped beating. The doctors present there have pronounced you dead. The transition from your body to your soul watching it be covered by a blanket by the nurses was swift yet strange. You didn’t know where to go and what’s next. No book prepared you for this nor can you ask the doctors what to do. Standing there lost with so many questions, it only took someone’s enthusiastic calling for your name to soothe you down.

“(Y/N)!”

It hit you instantaneously that when your day comes, Doyoung would call for your name. Your old age and past illness really affected your memories. He was an honest man and kept to his word this time.

And there he was, just along the hallway.

This was no longer a dream.

This novel kind of exhilaration got you moving your feet, still sore and slow because you were still an old lady.

“Doyoung!”

You shouted back, over and over again before your boney hands slid open the door. At the same time, your old figure drastically and permanently transformed you back to your active twenties. Nothing physically hurt anymore and your energy was on an all-time high. Your room was the last on the floor, a dead end. The left side of the hallway was just a closed window pane.

When you stepped outside and turned to your right, there he properly stood. He wore the same suit and suspenders combination on the day he approached you on your bike. The actual soul of Kim Doyoung who was no longer behind the phone. No matter how many times he’s seen you from afar, it makes him lose his breath from the captivation. For once, he can see you without barriers.

You just realized how you were dressed back into the floral dress on the day you had your first proper conversation. It’s like you’re meeting each other again for the first time. The beeping sounds of the monitors, wheelchairs moving, and chitter-chatter exchanged by doctors went mute. Stunned, you couldn’t stop looking eye to eye at him, cherishing this special moment.

It finally processed to Doyoung that his patience and efforts paid off. In this journey of acceptance, while enduring its trials, it added up to this sweet result to be reunited with you. The adrenaline rush took control of your limbs, legs running to him on the other side.

As his arms widened for a hug, he spun and picked you around in the air. His arms firmly wrap around your waist while your head snuggled on top of his shoulder. You felt safe, warm, and alleviated. Once he put you back down, the overwhelming joy wasn’t keen to pull away from your lover. Doyoung’s lips somehow got closer to yours, your heart skipping beats and his familiar scent intoxicating your thoughts.

With Doyoung still having you wrapped in his arms, he took his awaited chance to close into your parted lips. The fluttering in your stomach was on overdrive, your entire body reacting immediately from his passion. One hand curled into a fist on the hem of his buttoned top while the other rubbed the back of his head. Your legs almost gave in, but with Doyoung’s strength, he held you tight. No previous kiss felt like this. You didn’t have to worry about getting caught by adults for such a provocative display of affection. Your roommate wasn’t going to splash water if she catches you getting frisky on campus. As for Doyoung, he didn’t have to get paranoid about what his classmates would say about their relationship. You were both in your own world for a while.

But wanting to catch a breather from his thrilling dominance, your lips hesitantly moved away first. You took your time to get lost in admiring his features. Wet, swollen lips, flushed cheeks, his dazed eyes, he was irresistible, to say the least.

This was how an almost 50-year build-up would end up to.

“My love, it’s really you,” You finally spoke, caressing your thumb on his flushed cheek. “You’ve been through so much.”

As lovestruck as he is, his pent-up tears streamed down instantly. Except they were tears of joy. All those years he held back.

“I’ve missed you so much, (Y/N). I’m just happy you’re finally here with me.”

He wasn’t joking when he said that the main lobby alone was exquisite after walking through the city. Aside from Kun, that’s where he introduced you to other staff he worked with, such as Jeno, Jaehyun, and the boss herself, Manwol.

“This boy stayed very loyal, you know?” She commended Doyoung. It was a rare thing with her cold-hearted and aggressive personality. “He read to a lot of kids, taught some of them too, and recommended great books for the souls to read. He listened to a lot of souls who wanted justice then forwarded them to you so they can cross the other side.”

An honor to hear from the owner herself, you glanced at Doyoung with so much love. Such a giver than a receiver.

Beside Manwol was someone whom you aspired to meet. Unfortunately, you never met the other boys you’ve helped, so this was a great chance to see at least one before moving on. Hearing about his case and the treachery of it, you made sure to work on it before you retired, eventually passing it on to one of your trusted juniors. So far, his side was winning and that’s all you wanted.

“Jeong Jaehyun.” You held on to his clasped hands as he bowed to you.

“Attorney (Y/L/N). I’m so grateful for what you’re doing for me.”

“Oh, just call me (Y/N). By the way, your side is winning, my dear. Your younger brother Sungchan is committed to clearing up your name, and that evil Hongseok will rot in life imprisonment for his crimes.” You updated him. Without self-restraint, his arms gather you in for a hug. Jaehyun wasn’t much for affection, but this felt like the right circumstance. In return, you hugged him back.

“Thanks to you, Johnny and Yuta are resting in peace.”

“And you are next, Jaehyun. My junior taking your case is topnotch, so you’re bound to get what you truthfully deserve.”

After sharing such a heartfelt moment, you asserted your attention to Jeno. Not going to lie, you’ve looked forward to meeting this boy the most. He was there with Doyoung from the very beginning.

“Doyoung-hyung gets giddy after he makes a call, and tells me everything that you’ve been up to.” Jeno joined in. “He gets grumpy though too, so I like pestering him around to light him up. Oh, I’ll never know what you see in him, (Y/N).”

That gave him a joking slap on the shoulder by Doyoung, signaling to cut it out.  

“Hyung!” He fakely cried, hiding his face behind Jaehyun’s shoulder.

You suppressed a laugh, eventually sputtering out like an engine. Doyoung sighed, failing to redeem himself. But it’s alright. A simple peck from you on his cheek got him all flustered.

“Aish, take your romantic shenanigans when you’re in your room, not in my damn lobby.” Manwol cringed, the evident love bug getting on her nerves. “Alright, everyone. Get back to work!”

Checking in your room was an experience. Since you’ve been to numerous places through the dream calls, there was one main thing you’ve missed to do with Doyoung. As soon as he lifted you by your thighs and roughly shoved his tongue down your throat, you were in for a heated evening. This dominant side of Doyoung when it came to sex was completely fresh. After diving into more erotica over time, he learned about visual porn through Johnny and Jeno. You can say that he studied it very well.

“Almost 40 years of waiting, (Y/N).” He trapped you from above, sliding one of his hands to your bare breasts until it landed on your clothed core. Rubbing up and down your clit in a torturously slow place, he smirked at your desperate whines. Your breaths turned heavy, soaked by his actions. “Remember when I told you to brace yourself back then?”

“Shit, Doyoung...”

“Shush love, I’m in control now. So be a good girl for me, alright?” He growled in your ear, sucking on your soft spot on your neck. You obeyed that night, unbuttoning his shirt impatiently only to reveal his toned abdomen then lowering his crotch to give it a tight squeeze.

He hissed against your neck, pushing your panties to the side and sliding in your wetness.

“You are asking for it now, love.”

A steamy night it was, making up for all those lost years.

The following day, the struggle to walk was real. Jeno even pointed out your limping when you were roaming around the library Doyoung worked at. You never had a younger sibling, but he acted like one. So you punched him in the shoulder to shut up. “Jeez, you’re both so physical. Let me live!”

“Jeno, you’re dead. Don’t say nonsensical things.”

You learned how this hotel’s main purpose was to guide and fulfill the last wishes of ghosts in the living world before moving on. When Jeno asked you if you still have unfinished business, you realized that there is one thing left. Even if you completed your bucket list, that one thing is only possible through the hotel. You and Doyoung sat across Manwol, monitoring your shared dream call like she always did.

“Is this really the only thing you want to do here, (Y/N)?” Positively nodding, she gave you the signal to lift up the phone.

Areum found herself in an unfamiliar forest nearby a river during the day. Even she’s always like playing outside with nature in her childhood years, this location didn’t ring a bell. In fact, she was physically back to being that young girl with the same mature mind in this dream.

She wasn’t a vivid dreamer like yourself, forgetting them as so as she woke up. Even in that “dream” with her father, there were so many gaps. So for this one time, she can fully grasp her surroundings. This dream must have a purpose, she wondered.

While she followed the path that the dream assumed for her to take, she then clearly caught a glimpse of a younger you at the end of that path. Running around and laughing in the grass.

“Mom!” She called out, moving at a faster pace. It’s a good thing this dream brought her back her agility.

At the end of the path, it unveiled you lying down on the grass. Wearing in a dainty dress that reminded her of the 50s, there was an unfamiliar young man beside you. His head face planted on the grass because you pushed him off your body when he tried to tickle you.

It turned out that she arrived at your favorite spot with Doyoung. She’s only heard stories of things you’ve done and talked about her, but due to the war, their spot was devastated. Soon after, it turned into a small condominium building overlooking the river.

“Areum!” You squealed cheerfully to hear her much younger voice. She tackled you in a hug, and you still naturally felt it from where you sat.

“My sweet child,” You cooed in her, patting her back. “How are you?”

“It’s been difficult, but I’ll get by in time.” That was the first thing she managed to say, the grief being very much fresh. No mother wants to be separated from her child, and you weren’t exempted. But that is how life works: you come then you go. The truth tends to hurt.

It was obvious to Doyoung that you were still saddened by leaving Areum, taking this opportunity to give you space and finally interact with his daughter. No disguises nor distance. While the most important women in his life are still hugging in the dream, he pulls himself off from the grass and brushes away some leaves from his hair.

“Areum, I see you paid me back by having top-selling books for children.”

Areum peeked from your shoulder to check who the other man was by your side talking to her. Once he was clean from dirt and leaves, there was the only person he resonated with her. From pictures and stories shared by you, the actual man was with her.

Her actual father was in this dream with her.

“Dad!” She abruptly pulled away from you to approach her father for a bigger hug. You don’t blame her for that, she deserved to see her father even for a bit.

Years of having that empty void only for her biological father, she could care less at this very moment

Doyoung has never cried in a dream call with you, however, this long-awaited moment with his daughter resulted in him softly bawling while feeling her hugs from the chair. He’s proud and at peace to move on not just as your lover or a passionate university student, but as a father.

In their moment of content, only there did it make complete sense to Areum at the unusual memory during the ‘70s at the bookstore wasn’t random. It proved that he really did his best to reach out to her in any way he could.

“This whole time, you were the mysterious tokki. I just thought it was a coincidence. I’m so sorry, dad, that I didn’t notice you.” She sulks. Doyoung in the dream pats her back while lovingly rubbing the nape of her head.

“Oh, Areum. Don’t feel bad. I just wanted to see how much my little girl became independent and studious.” He replies, comforting the disheartened child. “I read all the letters you sent me during my birthday. I was touched then and touched now for this moment. I am proud of you, my daughter. And my love for you never changed.”

The affirmation in his words put Areum in a state of joy, rekindling that spark from the 70s. “I love you, dad.”

Your last mission in this world was to have a special outing with your complete family. Regret was always prevalent in the past, wanting to do this and that but never pushed through. But not in this dream. Just the three of you, happy and carefree from it all.

Unfortunately, Manwol just gave a hand signal that your time was almost up. Time flies by so quickly when you’re fully immersed in something you’re enjoying. Doyoung wasn’t capable to bear the bad news, but with you by his side, you helped him.

“Areum, it’s time for us to go.”

Areum sighed, reality seeping back into the situation. One sleep isn’t enough to make up years of loss. However, she still managed to remain positive in those circumstances. “I wish things worked out differently for our family, but who knows what our next lives will take us?”

In an instant, the two of you in the dream gave your daughter a big group hug. One she’s always yearned for. It’s moments like this where you mustn’t take anything for granted with your family.

“I’m happy you’re reunited with each other, mom and dad. Rest well.” She whispers with a smile, feeling fulfilled. She can grace the living world without wondering how things would be like with a complete set of parents anymore. This dream call successfully filled that empty void in her heart.

Once you’ve bid your final farewell and hung up the phone, you and Doyoung can say the same. A little bittersweet, but it lightened all the burdens in your hearts. The both of you can ultimately rest peacefully and move on.

The timing was perfect for Kun to inform you that the car taking you to the bridge leading to the afterlife was ready.

Jeno, Manwol, Kun, and Jaehyun didn’t want to miss out on this moment, waving farewells to you both. This lifetime may have taken you away from each other physically for a long time, but you still held on to each other. Most people gave up, though it’s not wrong either. It’s better to let go rather than holding on sometimes.

But the both of you were different, something, not even the deities didn’t expect. It’s only up to them to decide if they’ll give you another chance to be together and relive a longer life. A very rare sight indeed. To be granted or not, your story set a standard.

That a love so strong is so patient it endured all the challenges and stress.

“On to the next life, Doyoung?” You asked him, leaning against his shoulder as the car drove under the tunnel. All at the end of it was merely a white sky, where a long bridge awaited them.

“Make sure you wait for me this time.” 

[cc-writesfor2dcharacters]

a/n: just another repost! so, nothing much has changed!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT MAKE SURE TO READ MY PINNED POST FIRST! THANK YOU <33

Mikey x F!Reader

Mikey has always been your source of happiness and positivity ever since you met him. He may seem like an intimidating guy, but he'll always be there for you. That's why when your mother, whom you loved so dearly, passed away from an illness, for Mikey, it's like his sunshine faded. You stopped smiling altogether.

He's been through something like that. With his brother and sister dying, those are what led him to have that dark impulsivity, and he doesn't want someone as pure and innocent as you to be led to the same path as him. On her mother's burial, she wasn't even there. She hasn't gotten out of her room ever since she found out about the news. She declined everything and every help she was offered. It's just that it was hard for her to accept her mother's death, that her mind is in a state of denial. But, she hasn't cried even once, and Mikey knows she's keeping her feelings all to herself.

It's getting harder and harder. That feeling in your heart was getting heavier every second. Your mind is clouded by the thought that your mother is alive, she is, and will always be until she sees you become successful.

For a week, you haven't gotten out of your room. You only do this when you have to go to the bathroom or get some unhealthy snacks. Your other family members are getting worried about you. As each day passes, your state becomes worse. That's when they called Mikey to try and comfort you. But, you really didn't want to be bothered, even by the other person you love. Mikey knew it will be hard, so he left you a letter and your favorite chocolate while you covered yourself in your thick duvet.

When you felt that he was gone, you stood up to take what he left you. You first ate the chocolate before taking your time on reading the letter. Because Mikey often writes you some letters when you're at your worst, and it will always wake you up from that long bad dream that's been keeping you away from reality.

"To Y/N,

I know these past few days haven't been easy on you. You're still in the stage where you're trying to reject what fate has given you. I've been there, and I know it hurts. It hurts like hell, that it felt like millions of needles have come to prick your heart. It hurts to the point where you can't even see a great future ahead of you. That the person that was once a dreamer, has all their dreams shattered right in front of their eyes. I don't know what I should tell you right now, because even at that time where my brother and sister died, I didn't even want to talk to another human being. But, you know what? It struck me hard when I realized, would they be happy if they're seeing me like this? Would they be happy to see me endure something painful all by myself? Just live on with what your mother wanted for you. And, like what she always tells you, be happy and live with your dreams.

We all have crosses to bear. People will come and go, and that will deeply leave a scar in our hearts. A scar that will prevail for as long as we live. It won't fully heal, I trust you. The pain will still linger, and you will always bring it with you. But, I'm here. We're here. Share that burden with me, Y/N. I know your mother would've wanted me to help you at times like this. Just cry and release that sorrow. And, I'll be here waiting for you when you're ready to talk, okay? Just remember that you have to eventually lose something, in order to know what's worth finding. Look at what's ahead of you."

From that letter, your tears burst in an instant as you folded back the letter. You spent the whole night crying and missing the warmth your mother gives you.

The next day, your eyes were puffy, but that heavy feeling in your chest certainly did wash off for a little bit. You finally decided to go to her grave and face the cruel reality. It scares you, really. It scares you to accept her death. But, your mother would've gotten sad if you were sad too.

As you arrived at the cemetery, a familiar figure was waiting for you. Mikey was there praying at your mother's grave. He felt your presence, so he looked back at you and gave you that smile of his that makes his eyes go missing. That alone gave comfort to your aching heart. You walked slowly towards the grave, and that's when you accepted it. Your knees dropped to the ground, and Mikey was quick on his feet to assist you. You have finally broken down as you realized that the body of your dead mother is buried there. But, a soothing feeling came to caress your hair. Mikey held you in his arms and he let you cry until no tears were left. He even let you use his shirt to wipe your tears and snot off. And, when you finally stopped crying, he once again flashed that smile that gave you the assurance that it will be okay from now on. He stood up and bowed to your mother's grave and said, "I'll take it from here Mrs. Y/L/N." Before he took a blanket and some snacks he brought. "Come on, let's have a picnic with your mom. And, tell her that newly discovered hobby of yours." He extended his hand to you and you happily took it. Maybe he was right. Even if I lost something, I did find something and that was him. Manjiro Sano is a godsent angel that helped and will continuously help you until you slightly feel better.

[jerzwriter]

Chapter 13 - Break My Heart Again

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Series: Delaying the Inevitable

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Tobias Carrick x F!MC

Rating: Chapter: Teen

Summary: In this chapter: Ethan’s demons haunt him and lead him to make a heartbreaking decision.

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, alcohol and more angst.

**** PLEASE READ ALL A/N's ** REALLY PLEASE 😊 ****

A/N: I have REALLY warned you about this chapter. IT IS PAINFUL. I cried writing it, I cried editing it and I just cannot bear to edit once more, so excuse any typos or grammatical errors that remain – I’ll deal with them sometime in the future.

A/N 2: There may be a lot of hate for a beloved character here (or a lot hate for a not so beloved writer… me). I’d ask you to refrain from hate for both, realizing that this story is about people struggling with life and relationships while they are coping with baggage and unresolved trauma. People who are broken will continue to cut those around them until they heal, and that is what is happening in this chapter. It does not make the behavior excusable, but good people do bad things for… reasons.

A/N 3: At the end I have links to some AMAZING FLUFF… I’m looking to heal you.

A/N 4: BUT if you want a little more heartbreak, I am sharing this song. I love this song, but it is heart wrenching. I listened to it often when looking for inspiration for this chapter. I feel it can apply to Ethan/Casey as well as Ethan/Louise. But there are two lines in this that just jumped out at me and said Ethan/Casey. It is haunting, but I think it’s worth a listen.

Break My Heart Again - Finneas

A/N 5: THERE IS A LONG STORY AHEAD AND AN EVENTUAL HAPPY ENDING – DON’T LEAVE ME 😊

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

If you wish to be added or removed from tags, please let me know. Comments and reblogs always appreciated. 😊

“We have to talk.”

Just four words and twelve letters, but when combined, few words can elicit more anxiety and dread in the human heart.

When Casey heard those four words fall from Ethan’s lips, her breath hitched, and her heart raced, for very little good has ever come of them.

_____________________________________________________

Earlier Today

“I shouldn’t be too late; Sienna and Aurora have to be at work by 7:00. Some of the others may stay longer, but I plan on heading out before dinner time.”

“Don’t feel obligated to leave early,” Ethan replied. “This is the last time you will all be at the apartment together; I want you to enjoy it.”

Enjoy it, in her precarious emotional state? Casey was aiming for get through the night and manage to smile a few times. Enjoy, it seemed like a huge stretch.

“I’d like to get back here and spend some time with you tonight, Ethan. I miss you; I thought we could have dinner together and maybe cuddle a bit if that’s OK with you?”

Is that’s OK with you? When have I ever had to ask Ethan if that’s OK with him?

“Sure. But I still prefer you spend the time with your friends. It’s a special day.”

Casey crossed the room to say goodbye and Ethan leaned over to kiss her forehead.

She waved to him from the apartment door, “I’ll see you soon, Baby.”

_______________

Every time Casey left his apartment, Ethan felt an immediate change in the environment. Before he knew her, he rarely spent time at home; but once she barreled into his life, he quickly found the appeal of cooking dinners side-by-side, watching a movie or two, or snuggling under a blanket next to the fireplace. Casey transformed his place of residence into a home, so it made sense that it always felt a little less bright when she was gone. He once joked that the sun only shone through his windows when she was present. Now, even though the rooms seemed colder and darker without her, somehow, he felt more comfortable and at peace when she left.

He let out a short breath as soon as she locked the door behind her. Walking to the kitchen, he poured himself a drink and decided to bring the bottle back into the living room with him. He made himself comfortable on the lounge chair he purchased for the sole purpose of taking in the magnificent views surrounding him. A small amount of sunlight remained in the sky, but the forecast called for rain, and he watched as the grey clouds slowly rolled in and enveloped the skyline he loved so much.

Ethan never did relationships. Not really. After the unmitigated disaster that was Floria, he refrained from forming any serious connections. Harper was the closest he had come to an exception, but even then, they both knew they were shared was superficial. They were two friends who undoubtedly cared for each other, but it was never the real thing, nor would it ever be, nor did they want it to be. Other than that, his experience was limited to brief flings that typically ended when his partner wanted something more and a handful of one-night stands. Casey broke the mold from the beginning. She was everything he never knew he wanted, yet what his soul craved for. Once he allowed her to permeate his defenses, a new world opened to him, and it was filled with a radiance he never knew existed. But now, as they faced their first true challenge, he was unarmed. He had no idea of how to fix what was broken, and he was too proud to admit it.

Louise abandoning him a second time was a devastating blow to a man who only recently allowed himself to love and be loved in return. Even before she returned, he had deluded himself into believing he had healed from her initial abandonment. But nothing could have been further from the truth. Though he resisted her when she returned, in time the love and acceptance she offered nurtured his soul. It soothed the inner child within him who had never been mended.

Her return, coinciding with the arrival of his soulmate, brought him to a place he never believed in. And, while it frightened him more than he cared to admit, he simply couldn’t get enough. He felt loved, cherished, and safe. Now, with his previous defenses no longer in place, he was forced to cope with another betrayal at the hands of the one woman who is supposed to love him forever. She left again with no more than a piece of paper addressed to Casey left behind. For a man who needed to feel in control, he was left with none.

He could not cope as a nearly 40-year-old man because the traumatized boy he was when she initially left rose to the surface. Sadly, he could not see this for himself, and he was unwilling to hear it from those who loved him.

Deep down, he knew that neither Casey nor Alan was responsible for causing the anguish he felt today. No more than they were responsible for making his final decision to allow Louise back into his life. But he was unable to accept that he made the decision that eventually led to this place of devastation. If he admitted this, he would have to accept that he did not trust his own choices. Hence, he would never be safe, never be protected from desertion, and never be rid of his self-loathing. The great irony is his denial of his own involvement was the very thing that would prevent him from healing.

Before Casey, his world was reduced to scientific formulas; emotions and feelings only served to cloud judgment, and he avoided them at all costs. His romantic liaisons were to satisfy physical needs, never for comfort or to nurture his soul. When he finally surrendered to the beautiful world Casey brought him to, he wanted to soak everything up like a sponge. He had sought to take in every moment he could, but now, he believed it was an illusion that was quickly stolen from him.

Casey. His beautiful, precious Casey. She left a mark on his heart that could never be removed, even if he wanted that more than anything. He loved her and he knew that he was destined to love her until the day he died, but he didn’t want love anymore. Love could only lead to pain, and he knew that he would not withstand one more rejection. Self-preservation became his sole focus.

Three years. He kept her languishing for three years. He had abandoned her during times when she needed him most. Just one week after being tangled in her warm embrace between her sheets, he boarded a plane and headed to a different continent, leaving her to discover the news alongside every other resident as if she meant nothing at all. He later learned how his actions had left her severely damaged. Yet, she forgave him despite the suffering and heartbreak he had bestowed upon her. She waited for him. She loved him. HOW? Was it a strength he could never perceive in himself? Or was it pure insanity on her part? He knew he was no better than Louise, he had a precious gift standing before him, and he had done all that he could to throw her away. Yet, she stayed and did not know if he admired her or pitied her for her loyalty and perseverance.

His Casey. He never deserved her, and he never would. No matter how much she loved him, no matter how much he loved her, his desire to protect himself would always be greater. He knew he would hurt her again; it was only a matter of time. If he loved her, and he loved her immensely, he needed to let her go. She deserved a life and a love he could never provide. To do this, he had to rid himself of this fantasy he had created that told him that this sort of a life was a possibility for him. .

He walked to his bedroom and entered the dressing room. He moved several objects in a remote corner and retrieved a small, mahogany chest that he kept hidden from sight. As he inserted the brass key and opened the lid, he opened a portal to his past that delivered nothing but pain, yet he could never rid himself of it. He sat on the floor peering at its contents: ticket stubs from the circus, a favorite t-shirt from a carnival he visited, a handmade card, photos, several journals. With the exception of the journals, every item was from the time before his mother left him over a quarter-century ago. This part of him was dead, but he could not release it, so he kept it in the darkest corner of his home. He hadn’t opened this box in over a decade, but he felt compelled to do so today.

He stood and moved to the other end of the room opening a drawer, he gazed at a small red leather box. He swallowed painfully as he clutched it in his hand and sat once more. He opened the box stared at the beautiful creation he lovingly selected just months before. After his weekend on the Cape with Casey, he was certain she was the only woman he could ever spend his life with. He still believed that today. There could never be another, she was his only chance, but he needed to face the reality that even with the woman who seemed destined for him and him alone, there could be no future. It was just another fantasy he created.

Casey deserved to wear a ring like this on her finger. She deserved a beautiful, perfect proposal. She deserved a life full of love and adoration with a man who knew her worth and would show it to her every single day. As he watched the facets shine in the dim lighting, he told himself, he could never be that man. So, with glistening eyes, he shut the box and placed it in the chest. He returned the key to its socket and then swiftly returned it to its hidden spot. He wondered if he would ever dare to open it again.

He returned to his chair in the living room and waited. He hoped Casey was having fun and that she would decide to stay later because for every minute that passed until she entered the door to his residence, she was still his. He needed to treasure every last moment. His heart ached when he heard her slip her key into the door, far earlier than expected. She had left early because she wanted to come home and spend time with him. The fucking irony. This was one more cruel joke that the universe was inflicting on him, and by extension, on the woman he would forever love.

He momentarily lost his nerve. As she stood in the vestibule and walked through the living room and dining area, he could not bring himself to speak. When he heard her in the kitchen, preparing a special treat for him, he momentarily considered abandoning his plan. But he knew that would be a mistake.

So he mustered his strength and walked into the kitchen to see her.

“Casey, can you join me inside. We have to talk.”

____________________

While Casey followed him inside, she tried to convince herself that he wanted to speak about a million different topics. Her heart would not allow her to accept what her brain already told her to prepare for. Part of her wanted time to race, get to the point and deal with the aftermath as swiftly as possible. But a bigger part of her wished for time to stop the very second she sat on his couch. If only she could just stay in this moment forever, but she knew she could not. So with a racing heart, clenched jaw, and downcast eyes, she braced herself for Ethan’s words.

“Casey,” he began with a quivering voice, “I did a lot of thinking while you were gone today, and….”

She shut her eyes tightly while he stalled. Out with it, Ethan, out with it, why are you prolonging the agony.

“Casey, I don’t we should move forward with living together right now. Given the state of how things are… I don’t feel comfortable taking the next step with you. I know you’re supposed to move in the day after tomorrow, so the timing is regrettable, but it can’t be helped.”

Casey couldn’t breathe. Her mind could not register that the pain in her chest hadn’t actually been inflicted on her physically. She tried to breathe through it. She didn’t know what to say.

“Ethan… Ethan, my address is already changed, my things are already here, I… I… I don’t have any place else to go.”

“I know. And I hate leaving you in this predicament, Casey. I have given it some thought, and I think you should stay here until you can find a new place. I will move into a hotel until that time.”

Her head was pounding. She didn’t fully believe that her brain was processing what he was saying because he just couldn’t be, could he?

“Are you out of your mind?” She asked incredulously, “Are you fucking out of your mind? You’re telling me you don’t want me anymore, and you think I would want to stay in your apartment, a place we were preparing to call home together, without you? In what world do you think that’s OK, Ethan!”

“Then I’ll pay for to stay someplace until you can….”

“I don’t want your money. I know how to take care of myself. But, Ethan, I want you. Please, please don’t do this.”

Shaking, Casey stood up and began pacing, walking in little circles, and randomly stopping. She didn’t know where to look or what to do. Ethan walked to the edge of the room and leaned on the wall. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to end things, he had to end things, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he offered her a choice where there was none, knowing that she would have to decide to leave. Who the fuck am I? How the fuck am I doing this to her?

“I… I’m not necessarily saying we’re over,” he felt his constitution wavering. “I am saying that I can’t move forward right now… maybe one day, but not today.”

“Ethan, I’m moving…” she started to cry and she took a few deep breaths before continuing, “I was moving in with you in two days. My God, Ethan! Did you think we’d never face any problems? What if I was already here? Now you’re going to put me out, knowing I have no place to go? And you call this love? Ethan, I have spent three years loving while you pulled me in and built my hopes, only to thrust me away a moment later. I can’t do that anymore. After all this time together, I cannot start backtracking now. You either want me, or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways anymore.”

“Want you? Love you? Yes, Casey, yes to both. But can I be with you?” he stopped and swallowed, “Can I be with you? No. I can’t.”

Casey felt like her body would give way, so she reached for a nearby chair, allowing it to hold her weight. She hung her head, unable to look at him, and began sobbing.

“So, you’re breaking up with me? This isn’t about me moving in or not, you’re leaving me, and you just don’t have the balls to say it………ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME ETHAN! You owe me at least that much!”

“Casey, don’t make this worse….”

“MAKE IT WORSE? MAKE IT WORSE? Can you possibly tell me HOW I can make this worse? Goddamn it Ethan! We could not have been happier! Like a fucking week ago, we were happy and so in love, how could you end it like it meant nothing!”

Ethan wiped a tear from his eye before continuing, “Casey, don’t you see? We were happy because it was a lie. You were happy because you thought you had what you always wanted, but you only had an illusion. I wanted to be it for you Casey, I wanted to be it so much so that I lied to myself and tried to give everything you wanted. But now, I know I can never be the man you need. I don’t want to be that man. I never did. I never should have deluded either of us into believing it could be.”

Casey was now pacing the floor ferociously as she rubbed her pounding head. She was trying to stay calm. Even in this state, she knew she was close to hyperventilating.

This is surreal. This can’t be happening. I must be dreaming. I have to be.

She walked toward Ethan and stood just feet away, glaring into his eyes.

“How can you do this to me? How can you do this to yourself? I’ve stood by your side through everything. When you hurt me, when you denied me, whenever you needed me, I was there. I was always waiting for you. We shared.. we shared something beautiful and, goddamn it, Ethan, we wouldn’t have had any of it if it weren’t for me and now you just want to… dismiss me?”

“You’re right, Casey. You’re right. If it were not for you, none of this would have happened. I would never have opened my heart. I never have let people in. I would have lived the rest of my life safe, avoiding the excruciating pain I feel right now. The life I thought I wanted with you – it’s not sustainable for me, Casey! I should have never exposed myself to it. I should never have given in.”

Bordering on hysteria, Casey wailed, “Are you saying I was a mistake? Are you saying everything that we shared between us was a mistake?”

Ethan threw his hands in the air and fell into a chair in the corner.

“I’m saying it should have never been. You were not a mistake, Casey. You could never be a mistake. You are… you’re the most amazing woman I have ever known, and I love you, and I always will. I am the one to blame. The mistake was mine. I don’t want to hurt you, Casey, but I can’t... I won’t be someone I am not just to please you. And you deserve someone who won’t have to pretend. This has been an excruciating lesson learned.”

Her face was bordering on rage, “I am no more than a lesson learned!!”

“I didn’t say that.”

“YES, you did!”

She walked across the room with her back to him, ferociously running her fingers through her hair. She was trying to form a coherent thought, but it felt like an impossibility.

Casey had never begged anyone for their love of affection in her lifetime, and she hated herself for even considering it now. But she loved Ethan in a way she never knew existed before he entered her life, and she was confident that he loved her just as much; they just needed to get through this trauma. He couldn’t see there was another side. She had to make him see it.

Some things are worth any risk.

She wiped her tears and gathered all the strength within her before she finally spoke.

“Ethan, I want you to think back, Baby, please. Think back to what we have shared. The day you asked me to live with you, when you came home from Mayo, on the beach after Inez’s wedding…” her voice was a desperate plea and her clothes were becoming soaked with her tears. “Ethan, please... please remember. This is only happening because of Louise. Please don’t give her the power to destroy us, to steal your happiness. You know we can make it through this together. There is another side. Ethan, please. I don’t want to beg, but I am begging you….”

She could barely see his figure standing before her through her tears, but from the little she could, she realized her words were having no impact on him. His gaze remained diverted, and an air of detachment surrounded him. Casey felt her heart begin to fracture. She was desperate, and she hated herself for it, but it was beyond her control. With her stomach retching and her body trembling, a weak voice emerged.

“Ethan…please don’t throw me away.”

Her body gave way to the heaving sobs she had been attempting to control. Unable to stand any longer, her legs gave way, but she missed the couch and sunk to the floor.

Ethan turned and watched her shatter into a thousand pieces before his eyes. The image was so excruciating it threatened to crack the stone that was enshrouding his heart. His beautiful Casey, crumpled on the floor, broken, when all she ever wanted to do was love him. Love him unlike anyone else ever before or would again, and this is how he repaid her.

I am a fucking monster.

For a moment, his instincts almost took over. He pictured himself running to her side, holding her, and begging for her forgiveness. But he couldn’t. Casey’s love had made him weak and vulnerable. It opened every wound he had ever endured, and the irony was that for all his medical skills, this was the one thing he could never heal.

Casey was no more than a puddle on the floor, and when he looked at her, he saw himself as a 12-year-old boy. He was hurting her as much as Louise had hurt him. Then Louise returned just to wound him once more. If he tried to repair the damage he had done to their relationship now, he would only be building up Casey’s hopes up to destroy them again in the future. And now , he knew, that the pain was more devastating each time it occurred. He had to let her go, for her sake, as much as his own. If she needed to hate him to make it happen, then that was the price he would have to pay. It was a sentence he deserved.

He moved to the couch, sat behind where she was slumped floor, and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. Desperate for comfort and his touch, Casey spontaneously jumped up into his arms. But unlike every time before, he did not pull her into his warm embrace. This time he reflexively pushed her away, holding her an arm’s length away. Shocked, Casey let out an audible gasp.

He looked into her beautiful blue eyes that had gazed upon him thousands of times before. He had seen them filled with pride, admiration, desire, and, most importantly, love. But as he stared into them now, he saw the embers of hope that had remained until this moment slowly extinguish. He knew this memory would haunt him for the remainder of his life. But he knew what had to be done, and he was about to tell her a horrible lie for what he believed to be her own good.

“Casey,” he said with a hand loosely touching her elbow, “one day, you will look back and be grateful for this moment. But right now, you need to let go, you need to let go because I already have.”

Casey had been inflicted with a thousand wounds since she walked into Ethan’s living room just a half-hour ago. As she slowly bled and faced an excruciating death, she battled on, ignoring the scrapes, the lacerations, and the fracturing of her bones. She fought on like the strong, valiant warrior she was. She believed in their love and its ability to overcome; she was not giving up hope. So, in the face of unbearable pain, she persevered.

But every battle must have a victor and a loser, and in the end, the sword that delivered the fatal blow to her heart came from the lips of the very man who had sworn to protect it. At that moment, she knew that her life as it existed just hours before had slipped away and her only option was to surrender it to the angel of death that had been hovering in the room since she arrived. As strong an opponent as Casey was, she had never been a match.

Without a word, she rose on shaking legs and pulled her jacket off the wall. She turned around in stupor to survey the once sacred ground where love had blossomed, where they had planned their future, and saw it fade to a wasteland before her eyes. Silently she walked toward the door to leave his apartment.

He is going to stop me. He is going to block the door. He is going to tell me to stay. He didn’t.

She walked down the hallway toward the elevator, her feet must have been moving, but she could not feel them. Her swollen, tear-stained face hiding behind a scarf.

He is behind me. He is coming after me. He will stop me from getting on the elevator. He was not. He did not.

She sat on the floor in the hallway and waited, hiding her face in her knees if others passed.

There is no way this is happening. I just have to wait until he comes to his senses. He loves me, he knows he does, he is going to come out any second now. But never did.

Gathering all the strength she did not have, she rose her feet and pushed the elevator button, probably for the last time. This was supposed to be her home, and now she had none. She recalled the time Ethan would teasingly chastise her for continuing to call it his home and not our home, and now those words tormented her.

She could not think more than a minute ahead. She let two elevators pass so she could take an empty one to ride alone. She couldn’t bear to see anyone right now. At least twenty-five minutes had passed since she left his apartment. He had not followed.

Stepping outside and the cold air stung her raw skin. It hurt, burning her eyes and assaulting her lungs. She welcomed it. She wanted the pain on the outside to match the pain within her, even though she didn’t think it was possible. She stood in front of the building’s doorway, not knowing where she should go.

The sky was grey, but not grey enough. The people and cars passing by mocked her. How could they just carry on? How was there music? Why were people laughing? How was everything just going on like normal? Didn’t they know her world had stopped spinning?

She realized she was clutching her phone in her pocket. My phone! He must have called me or text me. I must have missed it. She checked. He didn’t.

She looked up at the sky above and her tears began to flow once more. He was not coming. He threw her away. Sorrow overtook her and she only moved because of the shame she felt from the stares of residents entering and exiting the building. The building that was about to be her home.

She started to walk with no direction, just going wherever her weakened legs took her. She was breathing, but it didn’t feel like the air was reaching her lungs. She walked directly into a young man headed in the opposite direction and whispered a barely audible “I’m sorry” as she continued on her way.

The man realized that she was in distress, and he turned to follow her.

“Miss, are you OK?”

She ignored him and continued walking.

“Miss, please, are you OK? Can you call someone?”

She was forced to stop at the crosswalk. The gentleman noticed the phone in her hands and stepped in front of her.

“Miss, I can’t leave you out on the street like this. It’s not safe. Please call someone to come and get you. Can I have your phone? I will make the call for you if you want.”

I had to find the one fucking good Samaritan in Boston. Doesn’t he know? There is no one to call!

She honed her acting skills and forced herself to pretend she was OK. She knew it was the only way he would leave.

“I… I’m sorry,” she muttered, “I’m … um... I just experienced a loss and… I need to get… home.”

“Can I call you an Uber?”

NO! You can’t!! I don’t have any place to go!!!

“No… I will walk…it’s good for me.”

“OK, at least call a friend… can you do that.”

The light changed. Thank God.

“Yes!” she pulled her phone out and made a show of hitting “Call.” “I’m doing it now. Thank you!”

Who the fuck did I just dial! She looked down. Thank God. It was Bryce. He’s in surgery. She did not want to speak to anyone.

She had been walking mindlessly and she didn’t know where she was. Looking around, she realized that she was nearly in front of Edenbrook. She buried her face in her hands and started crying again. The last thing she wanted was to see anyone from the hospital.

How the fuck did I end up here!

She turned around and began walking in the opposite direction.

Maybe I should call someone. But who? She scrolled through her contacts. Jackie was moving her things tonight, Si and Aurora were on shift. Bryce was in surgery. Tobias has a date. Raf was taking Vovo to her sisters. She knew damn well that any of her friends would have come to her immediately, but she couldn’t bear the thought of facing anyone right now. She felt ashamed, foolish. She wanted to crawl away from the world and be alone, but she was afraid of what would become of her if she did. For one of the first times in her life, she honestly did not know what to do. She was unaware of her own sobs as a toxic combination of fear, desperation, and sorrow enveloped her.

He must have called me by now. There is no way he would not check on me by now. Even if he doesn’t want me, he’ll want to know that I’m OK.

Her hands shook as she took her phone out of her pocket…no new calls, no new messages. The phone fell out of her trembling hand and, as she went to retrieve it, she collided with an older woman.

“Miss, are you OK?”

“Yes,” Casey replied in a voice that somehow managed to be catatonic. “I’m fine.. thank.. can I have..” she pointed to the phone.

“Miss, honey, why don’t I help you get..”

“NO!” Casey wailed, “Please, just .. my phone..” She leaned against the building behind her and slid down until she sat on the ground; she put her face in her hands, sobbing.

“Ma’am, can I just have my phone, please?” she cried.

The kindly woman stood before her, unsure what to do but not willing to leave Casey alone.

As Casey attempted to stand up, she felt the presence of someone approaching them.

A familiar voice yelled out, “Hey, is everything OK here? I’m a doctor, can I hel…Casey? Casey, is that you?”

Casey lifted her heavy head to find Tobias’s hazel eyes staring down at her. At first, she thought it was a mirage, and when she realized it wasn’t, she didn't know if she felt relief or dread well up inside of her.

“Ma’am, thank you for staying. This is a friend of mine. I can take it from here.”

“Miss, is this a friend of yours?” the lady asked.

“Yes, he is.” Casey barely whispered.

She lowered her head. She didn’t want to look Tobias in the eyes.

“Casey, Baby, please calm down.”

He tried to help her stand, but when he realized she couldn’t, he carried her to the steps of a nearby brownstone. He sat in front of her to shelter her from the view of passers-by.

“Casey, what’s wrong? Please tell me.”

She didn’t want to look at him, so she pulled him into a hug, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

“T. Ethan left me. He left me and, I don’t have any place to go.”

__________________________________________

After Casey left his apartment, Ethan went to his bedroom. and collapsed on the floor He stared blankly at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity. The only reason he eventually stood is because of his need for a stiff drink. It was so overwhelming, he felt as if he would die if he didn’t get it and soon.

When he went to the kitchen, he saw his phone lying on the counter. No calls, no messages. He went to call her, but he stopped. There was no way he could endure leaving her again. He had to just let her go.

He returned to his bedroom with an entire bottle of scotch at his side. He sat on his bed staring into space for over an hour, coming out of his trance only long enough to take an occasional sip of his drink. Overcome with a mix of rage, sorrow, and desperation, he let out a guttural scream, jumping to his feet, he tossed his glass against the wall.

He marched into his dressing room and threw things out of the way to get to the small chest he had sealed away before. He carried it to the living room and sat before a blazing fire. He pulled out an old, worn journal and looked through the pages. Each one contained a message from a young man who wrote to his mother from the time he was twelve until he turned sixteen, his sole form of contact with her. Sometimes the messages were tender, a boy looking to a mother who no longer existed. Sometimes they were angry and filled with hate, admonishing her for her abandonment. Once the flames were strong enough, he ripped the journal page by page, throwing each into the fire with increasing rage, only stopping when there was nothing left.

He moved onto the couch and laid motionless for what seemed like an eternity. He didn’t feel or think a thing. He was too numb for that.

Several hours later, a vision of Casey peacefully staring at him while lying in his bed came to his mind. Then he reflected on the anguished look on her face as she fled the apartment and the pain he had caused her.

He rose to his feet and sat behind his desk. He opened a side drawer and removed a leather-bound notebook, a gift he received from a patient some years ago. Grasping a pen he wrote:

9/28:

Dear Casey,

I am so, so sorry.

Love You, Ethan

He tucked the book away in his desk, knowing he would need it in the days, perhaps the years to come.

(I'm sorry guys...)

FLUFF:

https://liaromancewriter.tumblr.com/post/657203097707429888/rumor-has-it

https://irisofpurple.tumblr.com/post/653143757871513600/mine

https://schnitzelbutterfingers.tumblr.com/post/634806649611239425/an-hiya-there-im-so-sorry-for-not-posting-the

https://jerzwriter.tumblr.com/post/656628905169616896/their-first-two-months-ethan-casey

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