#I made him mad by... mentioning historical fact?

[vaspider]

Don't you ever mention Hébert or Robespierre again in all the 15-odd years left in your pitiful Maraisard life or I'll shoot myself. Im so pissed off about this I could honestly go outside right now and set up a fusillade just for spite"s sake and it would entirely be the fault of YOU and your venomous calumny,paid for by WILLIAM PITT no doubt,and what's worse is that there's no consequences for this nowaday. See,in my France,when the merciful and good Saint-Just still had the say-so,even half a canto of one of your dumb fucking posts would be enough to get one tribunaled. But nowadays one can just go online and say all sorts of counter-revolutionary,Girondist,Rolandine,Brissotin,Indulgent,Thermidorian,Feuillantesque,DUMB . FUCKING NONSENSE. And not face even a single consequence...and I thinks that's not so good. Possibly even bad if I'm being completely honest,which I am. If you ever feel the compulsion to post about one of the noble and virtuous men of the Montagne of 1794 again (or Hébert for that matter) please be aware that I will be rendering my remains unrecognizable by way of a sawn-off shotgun.

Calm down, kid.

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

°𝄞 𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 °𝄞

☆ 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙾𝚗𝚎 ☆

"March 21 1986"

♬♪ 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 ♬♪

ᯓ★ next chapter ★ᯓ

✶࿐ Summary : your heart was heavy and you just wanted to disappear in the world, you stumbled a peculiar old record store and jumped back into 1986

✶࿐ Word Count : help, I'm making a new series again lol

✶࿐ Warnings : 18+ Eddie Munson x Future!FEM!reader, cursing, use of y/n, time travel, comedy, sci-fic, drama, slight family arguments, slight toxic!household, invalidating mental health, slight misogyny, slight physical abuse, I added a character named "Veronica", reader and Eddie are both (20), reader is very defensive when it comes to Hawkins history, a description of reader wearing "Nirvana" long sleeve, ripped jeans, black classic converse, no mention of reader's race/eye color/hair color, reader lives in 2024, that's about it!

✶࿐ What to Expect : it's all the same characters from "Stranger Things" but I wrote them as if they "exist" in real life, I made them as if they were "historical heroes" in Hawkins!

✶࿐ Note To Reader : this is inspired from my tv shows that I loved, I'll be just getting some of the ideas but I promise this will be good and original! very fast paced and hopefully my writing has some improvements! 💗

✶࿐ Author Note : I just hope that you'll love this another world that I created! I've been wanting to do this for so long, please, don't forget to support me! your simple likes, reblogs and comments will always be highly appreciated! 🥺🫶🏻✨

𓆩♱𓆪 𝙚𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚 𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𓆩♱𓆪

❦ 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙖'𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙥𝙖𝙜𝙚 ❦

"Y/N, get up"

"But, I don't want to-"

"I said- get up now" your mom's voice is firm as she sighs as she walks out of your room

You groaned on the other side of your bed as you tried to shut your eyes but it seems like you're not so sleepy anymore, so, you begrudgingly sit up from your bed

"Your father is waiting downstairs, I prepared breakfast" she says when she passed by your doorframe again

You scoff at that as you tied your hair back and you stand up and went into the bathroom to wash your face

You don't want to eat with him, all he ever does is to spoil everything with his hot tempered behavior

Eating with your family was fun sometimes but you just can't ignore your dad's attitude

You love him but also the same time you hate him

It's so mentally draining that you wanted him to change, you always rooted for him to change but he never does and it drives you mad that you and you mom has to endure

You saw him as you went down by the stairs, he's now scarfing down eggs and bacon

You manage to restrain an eye roll to his presence as you headed towards at the kitchen to grab a glass and pour yourself a water

"It's a miracle that you get outside of your room" he says as he takes a sip of his coffee

Your mom clocked you and gave you a look that says "don't make a scene" , you squeezed your eyes shut as you take a deep breath and you drink your glass of water

It's literally 7am in the goddamn morning

You decided not to join him over at the table as you prepared your plate with the food that your mom make and you grab your mug for your coffee

You overheard the conversation of your mom and dad as you stirred your coffee the fact that it's still a bit hot but it didn't let you stop by drinking the half of it as you chew down aggressively on eggs and bacon

"She's having a hard time, go easy on her"

"Does she have depression? If she does that's bullshit"

Your ears are ringing and the voices from your parents are blurred out from the feeling that you're having, you're heavily breathing

You take the empty mug and plate as you let it clatter on the sink making their attention snap at you

You looked over to them and your dad as fucking as always looks at you like you've done something wrong

It's always been like that, everytime you tried your best, everytime you won a trophy or had an achievement, it is never enough for him

It is ironic that he's complaining about your condition when he's the cause of it, that's why you have this

You hate that he's always comparing you to other students saying that you're not smart and pretty enough

And your mom was always the one who never fails to make you smile most of the time

What the fuck happened? Back then when you're a kid, you like your father until you realized that's why when in family reunions you always caught those looks like "oh, god, he is going to ruin the party"

Yeah, he's maybe caring and do all of the stuff that a father needs to do, he filled his shoes with that

You just despise his generational trauma qualities

All you wanted was a understanding father, if he only just be like your mom it would be so great

"You're the one who is bullshit" you say as your mom winced and releases a deep sigh as she holds your dad's shoulders

"What a disrespectful child! You have no right to talk to me like that!" He shouts out loud as you went to the stairs to your room as you slam your door

You're still panting as you swallow the lump in your throat as you walk through your closet taking out your "Nirvana" long sleeve, denim ripped jeans and socks for your black converse

You tried to avoid the thoughts running through your head as you still heard the muffled sounds from the voices of your parents downstairs

You take a shower as you let the warm water hits your skin as you open the cap from your shampoo as you massage it through your scalp this somehow soothes you

You pour the body wash on your loofah as you scrubbed your entire body

You wrapped a towel on your hair and your body as you brushed your teeth and mouthwashed

You placed your palms on each side of your sink as you turn off the faucet as you look yourself on the mirror

You know you're not proud of what you're going through, you can't even feel anything, you can't do anything to cheer you up, nothing else makes you feel any better

That's why you always try to distract yourself like lathering a lotion to your body, putting on some minimal makeup and spritz a perfume on your pulse points

You still feel....horrible

You feel like the worst daughter on earth

You put all of your stuff inside of your knapsack as you put it over your shoulder

You click your tongue that you almost forgot your charger for your phone and powerbank as you finally take the leave out of your room

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ

You carefully took down the steps as you looked around at the place for your dad

It's just his voice that make your bones jitter

"He left" your mom spoke beside you as she hangs her head slightly low

You saw the red patch on your mom's arm that it looks swollen as she dismissively wave her hand in front of you

Your jaw clenched as she hugs you and place a kiss on your cheek, you sigh in defeat, you know for sure she doesn't want to talk about it

"I'll see you later, Mom" you gave her a small smile as she nods

You looked over at your smart watch and it says 8:30am, you're going to be late because class starts at 9am as you huff in annoyance

You start walking as you begin to fish inside of your pockets and take out your wired earphones as you plug it in your phone

*Mike + The Mechanics - The Living Years starts playing*

You associate this song with your dad, if he only took down his pride and start willingly without judgement ask you about how you feel, you would do it in a heartbeat

A car slowly following you as you heard the non-stop beeping, you take off one of your earphones as you turn around

"Hey! Why are you walking? Hop in!" Veronica shouts as she lifts herself to talk over the car window

You chuckle as you shake your head as you jog over at the passenger's seat

Right, you forgot she'll come over and give you a lift to school

Her smile fades when she sees your lost expression on your eyes as you forced a smile on her

"I'm here" she says and you got taken aback from her side hug as she pats your back

You smile fondly as you pulled back, "Come on, Vee, we're going to be late for class!"

"Can I just hug my bestfriend for a minute?"

You chuckle, "I appreciate it, now, step on it!" you point at her as she laughs

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"I don't blame Jason Carver for reacting that way, if I were him on his position, I would've done the same"

You scoff at that, this debate in your history class is taking forever, Veronica can feel your patient is hitting on its limit

"It's 2024 and Hawkins is still a shitshow"

"Goddamn right"

"Oh- what was that Y/N L/N? care for you to join us?" One of the students called you out as you can feel your eyes are going to stuck behind due to over rolling your eyes too much

You mock him a smile, "Yes, I do think I have something to share" as you stand up and went in front

"Oh shit" Veronica smirks as you slightly hit her shoulder

"You know it is never right to kill someone who is innocent"

"Well, how do you know Eddie Munson is innocent? Were you there? You don't know what is like finding out about your girlfriend killed in a freaky way"

"For starters, Jason didn't have any proof, he doesn't have evidence that Eddie Munson did this"

"Have you completely forgotten that his girlfriend was found on his trailer?"

"No, I didn't, just because it happened there doesn't mean he was the one who did it"

"Jason still remains the only right-"

"I won't support a madman who is willingly to kill someone who is innocent and always claiming that Eddie was the main suspect without proper evidence, Jason showed every disturbing behavior towards the people of Hawkins, many people admitted that he brainwashed and twisted every word that happened while looking for Eddie, he turned everyone against him who obviously wasn't supposed to be the one being pressed on and also let's not forget the fact that he punched Lucas Sinclair almost bludgeoning killing him and what for? Why would he do that to Lucas? Was he desperate? Is he frustrated for not having the chance to punch Eddie in the face like he always desired to do, so, instead he poured his anger everything to Lucas? and he wasn't even Eddie, Eddie was the one he was looking for right? Why hitting him the face to a pulp? that just goes to show that he is in fact the one who is dangerous, You missed out that his sister, Erica Sinclair spoken about it publicly on a TV program back in 2001 interviewing him about how his brother almost died because of Jason Carver."

Before your debater speak again, you didn't let it this time

"Have you completely forgotten, the massive earthquake that happened back in 1986? that's where the locals find out that Eddie wasn't the one who is doing those curses all along"

You looked around over your classmates and you saw one of them nodding along to your words

"Henderson, Dustin Henderson, he published a book in 1994 writing about his interaction with his dear friend Eddie Munson and he still keeps saying the same thing until now that he will always be innocent"

"Are you saying that Jason Carver is a villain?"

"No, he is just blinded by the wrong belief's and he needs a guidance for anything else"

Your teacher applauded you and the rest of class did too, your debater slumped both of his shoulders

"A+ for you, Miss Y/N" she smiles at you

"Thanks a lot, freak" he hits your shoulder aggressively making you wince at it as you shook your head sideways

"So much for not accepting losses, does he know sport?" You throw your hands up

The bell rings as it now time for lunch and everyone is leaving out of the room as you watch your bestfriend, Veronica, coming at you and hooking a hand around your forearm

"It's a delight to see him butthurt because he was defeated by a woman and he can't accept it because he has LDS"

"What's LDS?"

"Little Dick Syndrome"

You bursted out laughing as it echoes in the hallway, both of you didn't care as you went inside of the cafeteria

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ

Veronica dropped you off in your house after school

You stand in front of your house as you caught the screen door hitting back and forth as if someone break in, you immediately went alerted mode

Once you carefully walked inside, you saw every furniture is broken and every picture is torn into shreds as you looked for your mom, the moment she's in your sight, you kneel down and took off the bag from your shoulder

"Why are you here?" She's still shaking as you placed your palms over your her shoulders

"What-" you knitted your brows together as you went confused about her remark

"Why are you like this?" She saids when she ripped out from your hold as she stands up

"Mom- are you okay-" you stood up as you went to follow her

"I'm trying to fix this family and why do you always have to spoil it?"

You know what happened while you're away, they both had another heated argument

"I know- you're upset, mom-" you sigh as you picked up your bag

"Why are you like this?" She glares at you and you perplexed why she's blaming this on you

"Excuse me?" You tilt your head

"Why the fuck are you like this?" She gave you an outburst, you didn't have to let this thing get into you but you can't help since you're only a human being

You can't help to have feelings, so, you went defensive

"Mom, I didn't ask for to be like this-" you tried to steady your voice but it cracked the time your eyes went glossy

"Why don't you just suck it up!" She yelled those words as you flinched by the tone of her voice

Your eyes widen but then again it fades when there's a darker cloud is going over to your head overthinking

Your mom had a bad day and you know it's not your fault but you just had enough of it

"You want me to disappear, then so be it" you voice is stern as you turn you back and walk away

You forgot to look back at your mother's eyes, it flickered with regret as it welled up in tears when she realizes what she has done

She didn't had the chance to keep up to you when you're already running miles away

"Oh no- wait- please! Y/N!" Your mom called out to you but you kept running and running

You put your palms over your knees as you pant and step aside from the road

You started walking as you hang your head low

Your try not to think about it, you hate your family, you hate this town and the people in it

"God- I hate this place" you murmured as you kick the tiny pebbles on the ground

When you reached at the abandoned Starcourt Mall, you've never talked or spoken about to anyone else that you feel like you're been there before but you can't place it

Your brows are pulled together as you try to understand it, you also have these weird dreams that keep flashing whenever you're in a deep sleep

Was that a dream? Or is it a memory?

It feels so real, you glanced over the chain leather bracelet on your wrist

You can't recall when did you get that or you didn't even know if you bought it for yourself

It just so happens that it's there

You can't even explain how you got the same cap that Dustin wore, but for some reason, you hide it your closet

Also the faint scars on your neck, it's not gnarly but when you look closer there's something in there

Sometimes, you don't even feel like this world that you woke up to isn't real, it's like you're walking inside of a made up world or a like projector

You started to walk slowly when you only can recollect of the memories that you had with your "family"

But what about the questionable stuff that you have on you?

You might be sounded delusional but why did you have things from the heroes of Hawkins?

You looked over to your right and saw their monumental statue filled with their names on the bottom

"The Fearless Hawkins Indiana Heroes"

You don't know why but you always lingered your stare at a one specific person's name that is engraved on the marbled stone

Why does it feel like you knew him? not only knew him but you feel like you've been with him and it grows something bigger and much more deeper

But then again, you get a hold of yourself because if he's still alive today he would've been 60+ years old by now

This was supposed to make you feel even more sad if you walked around these monuments of them but you feel comfortable and close to them

This place was your sanctuary whenever you feel you don't like to get home early

There's a group photo that is displayed in the front center

You step forward as you tried to inspect the picture

Your eyes goes big as you can recognize the person beside.....Eddie? The Eddie Munson?

You can't see your face clearer that much because you're hiding from the camera and someone definitely captured your photo together all of the sudden

It's the same shirt and jeans that you're wearing right now

"No- that's impossible" you feel boneless and your cheeks lost its color as you try to blink more than once

You might think your mind is just playing with you but it doesn't even goes away

You're still in the picture, it doesn't have to be creepy but you feel alarmed by all of this

This is all becoming too much for you to let it all sink in

So, you left the historical place as you walked faster and faster

You ignore that you crossed the abandoned Family Video

You halt your tracks when you pass by a building that you never seen before

You move your head side to side as you swallow the bile in your throat as you walked closer to it

You don't know why but something else is pulling you inside and to your senses, it feels safe for some reason?

From all of the buildings that you went to, this looks new and it's looked nice inside

It's a record store, it's filled with vinyls, tapes, CD's

You got jumped by the presence of a older man but he looks familiar to you the moment he appeared in the front desk

You will never ever understand why that he looked at you like that

He got this knowing look in his eyes, this was supposed to make you feel weird, you can just turn your heel and walk away but you didn't

"I believe you will like this one"

He slides a "Journey - Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" tape in front of you

Now, this is even got more odd to you, is that even a coincidence that he knew your favorite song?

"I'm sorry- wait- how did you"

"Oh shoot, I forgot to wear my name tag"

There he goes in the backroom as you frustratedly sigh

This is a very a bad idea but a stranger? gave you a tape?

But, you still took it nonetheless as you looked for your vintage walkman as you placed the tape inside

You put on the headset and the moment you start to press play

Your hands begin to swirled in the air, you panicked as it goes everywhere

There's like a lazer boom sound and it all happens too fast and now you're standing in the same place but you're in the middle of the woods as the peculiar building is now long gone and from what you know

The morning has already passed and from where you were earlier is already noon

You stopped the tape as you remove the headset and put it all to your bag as you try to walk around the area

"That....was....very....trippy" you said as you try to brush it off what just happened

The time you stepped in the road, you saw a lot of retro cars and you didn't even noticed the people inside of it, of what they look like but the moment all you can see is from the 1980's cars on the road you started to feel strange

You shake your head and you made up your mind that you're only just hungry that's why you're seeing things as you headed to home but then you remember that you had a homework for English class and you forgot to bring home your book, so, you groaned in annoyance as you walked to school

When you reached your destination, you gasped

Why does everyone looked like from those pictures you saw in your school library?

When you looked some of the students, you've been getting these eccentric looks from them, it's not offending, they don't even looked disgusted

It's just that it looks like you're in....No- no- no- absolutely not we're not going down there

You've noticed they tried to read what's in your shirt and you try to stealth your moves as you walked forward

Oh my god, it gets even more bizarre when you stepped inside

This doesn't looked like your school, you know that your school got renovated so there's a lot of changes in it

You're so crazy for thinking like this, you're crazy for asking it

"Um- I'm sorry, can I ask what date and year is it?" You asked one of the students in the locker

"Oh, sure, no problem, it's March 21 1986"

You need to restrain the shock from your face from what she just said "March 21 1986?" You say it again

"Yes, that's right! Wait- I'm gonna get to class now, bye!" She saids as she picked up her stuff from the locker and jogs away

"Oh my god.....oh my god- I'm in the past?" You whisper-shout as you try to calm down

You're so bamboozled as you looked at the tape again, now, you know why you're here

It's because of the tape that you played not an hour ago

You pinch yourself, you try to slap your cheek but no to avail, you're not dreaming

This is real and you're here

How will you ever get the fuck out of here?

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ

"I'll talk to you later, okay?" He ruffles his hair as the boy winces from his action, no way, that's Mike Wheeler

You're still walking around inside trying to figure how to escape this and then you heard his voice

You try to find him until your eyes landed on him

Jesus Christ, the few pictures that you saw from him in the books don't even do justice

He looks even better in person, he looks so handsome, you admiring Edward Munson from afar

You rolled your eyes to yourself when you find yourself harboring a crush over some dead guy, not even just some dead guy

He's a hero, if only the Hawkins knew what he is like

He has always been described in the real authentic books that you read that he is kind, gentle, playful, full of wonder, very caring to those people who is exactly like him, an outcast

Now, you're seeing it for yourself right between your very eyes, it feels so different in person, you always had been so defensive when it comes to his personal life, out of all the history in Hawkins, he's the only one that you ever truly cared for as if you knew him in real life, you've never even met him until now whatever this is, even if it's real or not, you're so honored to come by this close to him you became even more empathetic to him when you saw how he truly behaves while he was still alive

Your smile slowly drops when you realized that he doesn't even know, no one else in the group knows what will happen to him

All of the nasty things that people talked about him in the past and even in the future

You will never forget when in 2022, you saw the news that they lifted the case that he was truthfully innocent

When they should've done it years ago

Is this the reason why you're in here? To help them? To help him?

The bell rings that made you snap out of your thoughts and everyone is walking towards to the cafeteria as you follow suit

Oh shit, are you witnessing the moment of history that just happened here?

You shudder when you saw Jason Carver, god- his great grandson looks like just like him and acts like him too, you try not to barf thinking about it, his stupid descendants still spreading lies until now, you can't believe they have the privilege to do that

Enough of about the Carvers, holy shit- he got a fat ass point on his speech as you watch him strut his way in the table

You know D&D, but you never played it, now, seeing it unfold, god- he is so serious about it

Dustin was right, it is a sadistic campaign

The fact that you take a step back because you know damn well they wouldn't believe you if you told them what will happen to Eddie later

But, there's a force that is pulling you here and whatever you try to hesitate, you will still go for it

Especially you can't even stand by it for your conscience even though is already written in the books

What is done, is done, what happened, happened

Can you somehow change the past? Can you undo the events that happened back then?

will Hawkins, can be peaceful when you manage to remove the curse in the town?

You will have to wait until....He'll met Chrissy

Oh shit, right, he's going to sell K to the Queen of Hawkins High

But, first, you'll have to know her favorite song, so, you can save her and Eddie won't be a wanted man

If only it was easy to plan it, you know they can't just believe you, but you will try

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You saw Chrissy in the woods, acting all horror-struck as she looked everywhere and when you follow her gazes, you see nothing else that you can see that is terrifying, you ran up to her

When she almost tripped herself as she goes backwards, she bumped into you as she shrieked

Instead, you're the one who got bumped behind your back to Eddie

"Woah, woah, hey- I'm sorry- I didn't mean to scare you" he smiles all dimples are shown but confusion is etched immediately to his features when he looked at you

"You okay?" He looked over to your shoulder as he asks Chrissy

She didn't respond, she's still looking at the tree with fearful eyes

Eddie looked where she is looking as he gotten more confused

You hold both of her shoulders to swing her around to face you

"Hi, sorry, I know you don't know me but you gotta believe me, I know what frightens you"

She squints her eyes a little bit but the terror is still present as she looked at Eddie who is puzzled

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"I know why you wanted to buy drugs to Eddie"

He moved beside you as he tries to understand the situation, he wanted to cut off the scenario but something tells him that you're saying the truth

"What-"

"I know you seeing things, Chrissy"

She's trembling under your touch as her eyes starts forming tears on her waterline

"I-I don't-"

"You saw the grandfather clock"

Her eyes widen when you knew what she saw

"How did you-"

"You heard chimed 3 times"

"You're scaring her, now, back off" He clicked his tongue as he gestures you move away

You sigh in defeat as you follow to what he just said as Eddie pulls Chrissy behind his back

Chrissy who is now stunned at how accurate the things that you just said

He roams his eyes at you from top to bottom, and he got curious at the picture that looked like a band from your long sleeve

"Who are you, anyway?" He asks you as he crosses both of his arms

"That's not for you to know" my god- his eyes are so pretty, what the fuck- okay, Y/N focus!

You tried to get close to Chrissy who has this hopeful eyes at you

"Chrissy, let me help you-" you walked closer but Eddie blocks your way

"Hey, I told you to back off!" He gave you a pointed look

"I'm trying to save her life!" You exclaimed, you missed the way Chrissy has become shaken

"What?" He shakes his head in confusion

Chrissy blinks rapidly as she's the one who went in front of Eddie

You stare at her, watching her intently as you see her nod slowly, meaning that she wants you to elaborate

"I know exactly who is the person behind calling your name out of nowhere, other people can't see it when you're in a trance, but I know it is real, he got you cursed because he likes to target people who are traumatized by their life events" you explained as you pause taking deep breaths

You continue "You buy drugs to Eddie just so you can be distracted from all of the things that you're seeing, when you ran out, that's where it all comes back again"

"Who is he?" Eddie scratches the back of his neck

"Vecna" you plainly said

"I'm sorry, but how can you be so sure that she is for real?!?" Eddie chuckles lightly as he looked down to Chrissy

There is only one way to find out that you're actually saying the truth

"Do you know what he looked like?" Chrissy softly speaks as she swallowed tightly

"I can't describe the perfect word for him but he's tall, has a lot of vines going over his neck, he has powers just by using his hand he can control over you like a snap, he looked like a.....monster"

"What a fucking shit show, are you buying-" he stopped when he heard the faint sniffles and the sharp gasp that she just let out

"She's telling the truth, Eddie" She gulped as she looked up to him and she went frantic when she glanced at you

"Okaaaaaay, I don't know what the hell is going on and from what I know I was only to meet Chrissy here not you, you just spawned out of nowhere and your clothes-" Eddie starts to ramble as he wipes his face with his palm

"Wait- no, don't go- Chrissy!" You tried to chase her but it was too late, she is gone from your vision

"If I were her, I would do the same thing"

"Like what-"

"Running away from you"

You scoff, "Eddie, I am trying to save a life here and you too"

He dramatically taken aback as he mocks a gasp, "What about me?"

God, he can be such a cute nerd dork but he's also a pain in the ass

"You don't believe me right? Let's just say after your D&D campaign later will be successful with your Hellfire Club and the sub that you demanded to Dustin and Mike will be Erica Sinclair because Lucas can't be there because of the laundry baskets game" you gesture to his shirt he tries to speak but you beat him to it as you continue, "when you go home, Chrissy will be there with you because she wanted something more stronger than you just offered but since I came here first to warn her, the deal didn't happen, so, I guess this will be the only time for you to be free to walk around"

"Free? From who?"

"From the police" you walk away with that and you didn't even bother to wait for his reply

"that's such bullshit, I didn't even know her name" he shooked his head as he left the woods

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ

Eddie wanted to drop the scenario that happened with you earlier

But, his mind won't shut up if you're right all along

You we're right that Erica is the sub

The campaign went well, too well

"Hey, Henderson" he gathered all of his stuff back on his bag

"Yeah?" Dustin replies as he helps Eddie to clean up

"I met up with Chrissy earlier in the woods but someone else is there"

"Shit, was it Jason?"

"No- not him, it's another girl but-"

"But?"

"She's different, she acts different and even her clothes are out of the ordinary"

"So, what if she's so different?"

"Dustin, she spoke something about Chrissy that I can't understand like the grandfather clock and some kind of a hideous monster putting curses in all of kids in Hawkins"

That's where the boy began to straighten himself up as he looked at Eddie this time who is still perplexed

"And then what else did she say?"

"See, here's the funny thing, I don't believe that much into predictions but she already knew about what happened here"

"Oh?"

"She knew about Erica, she knew that our campaign will be fine"

"Does this girl, have a name?"

"Nah, I didn't get the chance to ask her because it all happened too fast-"

He stops abruptly as he carries his bag as Dustin placed the boxes on the shelf, "One thing that made me feel eerie is that she told me that I only have a few hours left that I was free from the police"

"What?" Dustin looked at him in confusion as he thinks Eddie's words carefully, but why does it feel there's a knowing pounding in his heart that he might know what this is all about

The secret that his metalhead friend that he didn't know about Hawkins

"Yeah, I know, it's weird" Eddie just shrugs

"Maybe, it's all just a coincidence"

"How will it be just a coincidence when she told me everything all at once without her stuttering"

"I think she's just messin' with you" he gets on with his bike as Dustin doesn't like to think too much about the information that his friend just said

"You know what, you're probably right, pal- I'll see ya, tomorrow" He sighs as he gives him a small smile and pats his back as he waved goodbye to Dustin

When he's about to unlock the driver's seat to his van

Fuck, he jumped when he felt a touch from his shoulder and my god- it is Chrissy

He wants to know who are you? Why do you know all of this?

It's so impossible that this is just a coincidence

"That girl is getting all too real for my liking, jesus christ" He muttered the words under his breath as he places his palm over his chest as he calms down first

"Sorry, Eddie- uh- I still need the-" He cuts her off as he motions to the passenger seat

"Yeah, you can hop on" He nods as he jogs over to the other side

"Eddie, do you have it?" Chrissy bops her knees up and down anxiously, she craned her neck to peek at Eddie who is looking through his stuff

"I got it- somewhere-" He stood up as he tries to think where he hid it and turns his back on her and went to his bedroom

When Eddie left her all alone, Chrissy thought she was still in the same world

A cold sweat runs through the side of her face when she realizes it as she furiously panicked as she looked everywhere for Eddie

"It's time for your suffering to end"

"Eddie!" she got goosebumps at the sound of this monstrous voice as she continues to kick and bang every wall to cry out for help

"Found it! peaceful bliss just moments away" his smile fades when he saw Chrissy standing so still and he noticed her eye color changed

It's all white with blue-ish hues on them

He starts calling her name, snaps his fingers, clapping both of his hands, he shakes her by the both of her shoulders and slapping her cheek in the same process

His heart begins to thump into his chest when he noticed all the lights on the room are flickering non-stop

It finally dawned on him that you're right yet again

"What the fu-" he steps back when Chrissy begins to levitate, he didn't even know that his hand is shaking in fear

The front door bangs open as he fells all the way down to floor in shock when he saw you standing on his doorstep

You glare at him and then you saw Chrissy is on a trance, Vecna already has her and you know if you don't move now she will be gone for good

"Chrissy, I'm here, you can escape this"

You shakily put the headset on her and put the tape on your walkman and you press play

"I know he has you, please- listen to my voice, follow my voice, if you can see any portal in there, run for it, I know you can do it"

Eddie slowly gets back up to his feet as he swallows the lump in his throat as he walks closer to the both of you, he sniffles and has clammy hands

Chrissy saw the portal fading in behind Vecna as he holds her still

She quivered from the vines that goes along to her waist as she clocked the hammer beside the small table, she was just about to be covered in vines so she has the time to discreetly get it

By your doing, this caught the attention of Vecna as he turns his head back as he felt someone else doesn't belong in this timeline

She heard your voice as it echoes in again and again in the same area

The moment he looked at her again, Chrissy hit him in the head harshly buying more time to try to make a run for it

Vecna tries to get her but Chrissy swiftly dodges his traps as he grunts in pain

"Eddie" you call his name for assistance

He's in a state of shock as he doesn't know what to do, his ears began to throb as he can't steady the beating of his heart

"Eddie!" You said it out loud this time

"Y-Yeah?" His eyes are misty as he blinks at you

"I know you're scared but I need you to get ready to catch her, she must land between the two of us so she won't get hurt, Okay?" You demonstrate it to him

He gives you a tight nod as he inhales deeply

When Chrissy reaches the portal with you and Eddie being on it, the sight became all pitch black

The moment she woke up realizing she's still floating she dropped into your arms to Eddie's and she's finally brought back into the real world

She gasps in relief and began to wail in your arms and to Eddie's, she's still looking around as if she were being tricked again, you saw the look of almost life-threatening experience on her eyes, your eyes starts to water when she recognizes you and let her embrace you as she begins to weep

You saw Eddie's hands quavering as he looks like he's about to faint from what he just witnessed

Before he hits his head first, you hold his hand tightly making him look in your eyes directly as you use your other hand to held Chrissy as you comfort her

"You're okay, we're safe.....for now"

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ

taglist <3 : @paleidiot @marsmallow433 @whothefckissofia @letsfallinlove-blog @silky-luxe @imagine-all-the-imagines @theladyasgard

(Yay, finally, I posted the first chapter of this series and I hope you enjoyed and liked it! Thank you so so so very much of your support! I greatly appreciate it, I did not expected my idea to be recognized and I feel so happy about it! take care always and stay hydrated! I hope y'all stick around for the next part! 🥺🫶🏻✨)

[kerubimcrepin]

The Dofus MMO Timeline : Leorictus Sheran-Sharm, and the curious case of an implied tenuous relationship between the Crepin-Jurgens

Today we will begin reviewing MMO lore, which was helpfully compiled by yours truly in a video-series. And this post is entirely about the historic events and chronological happenings of the game, as pertaining to Joris, Kerubim, and Atcham.

A Short Summary of Leorictus Sheran-Sharm and the Huppermage Genocide:

The events preceding the game, and the way Leorictus obtained the cursed crown that drove him insane, are quite well explained by this little summary from the Dofus Site:

Even though he was cursed after these events, the war between Bonta and Brakmar at the time is described as nothing short of a slaughter, which might signal to us that, perhaps, even before his descent into madness he was not a very good man.

While ending his own life, Leorictus, through some manipulation, took the Ivory Dofus with him, and used it for evil even after death.

After his death, a horrible civil war and a genocide of huppermages followed.

Kerubim and Joris (and maybe Atcham's) Never-ending Nightmare:

Kerubim's dialogue on the topic, as well as Joris being on good terms with the huppermages, show us that their opinions did not align with those of the Bontarian masses, which would have, at the time, made them outcasts, or outright put them in danger.

And yet...

Even though Luis and Kerubim appear in Astrub within the game, we know for a fact that they did not live there until very recently, thanks to multiple NPCs mentioning them moving to Astrub from Bonta — which means that, all this time, despite the horrific events surrounding them, they continued living there.

Personally, I think they couldn't leave Bonta out of a moral sense of duty, to help their city flourish once more, or to try and help the huppermages that could not leave. It is similar to what they do to a greater extent in Waven, and fits timeline-wise, with the presecution ending around the time of Dofus MMO.

This would mean that they moved back to Astrub, a city of great emotional significance to Joris and Kerubim, after decades of civil war and prosecutions. Because living in such conditions, out of a moral obligation, is bound to put a toll on a person, and is, in my opinion, the precise reason they move to Astrub in the first place.

Atcham AKA Real Winners Quit:

You may have noticed, so far, that I had not yet mentioned Atcham. It is because at the time of the MMO he defected back to Brakmar and went back to a life of crime.

While it is possible that the author of the wanted poster was simply mistaken, I do want to stress the fact that this game takes place around two hundred years in the future, and realistically, by this point, Atcham would be known as a Bontarian.

However, he isn't on bad terms with Kerubim, who speaks very fondly of him, and protects him from receiving punishment for literally beating up random adventurers (using his "defending obvious criminals" skills as demonstrated in episode 42 of Aux Tresors de Kerubim. By which I mean I think he bribed this guy).

In my opinion, Atcham just hated the events in Bonta so much that he fled, went back to Brakmar, and is now refusing to come home because he's mad at Kerubim and Joris for putting themselves in danger.

The Move to Astrub:

Their house in Astrub is the same as it's always been. Warm and welcoming.

At this time, Joris spent his time guiding new incarnates in Incarnam.

We know this to be canon even after his removal from the tutorial, because he is mentioned as an easter egg for players who leave without finishing said tutorial.

My pet theory is that Joris left Incarnam due to lack of respect from his co-workers...

The reason I keep mentioning Joris and Kerubim living together, despite Joris's absence from the home, is that the Zaap to Incarnam is free of charge, and located in Astrub's Temple of Twelve.

It's quite realistic for Joris to be able to make the trip every day. Especially when Kerubim was also able to make the same trip, just for his own leisure. (in my mind, he could even just come and visit Joris...)

Joris and Kerubim's interpersonal relationship:

Since I already mentioned Atcham and what he may generally think, it would be rude not to mention Kerubim and Joris, and the glimpses we have at their relationship at this point.

One of the things that is most notable about their house, is the absolutely dilapidated state of the attic — which is, usually, where Joris has historically lived.

It's a bit of a shaky connection, but if it really is his bedroom, or a place close or adjacent to his bedroom, it might imply Joris just gave up on taking care of it, (not that it's quite taken care of in general, even in Wakfu times...) or that he lived in another area of the home.

Joris is mostly absent, and preoccupied with helping Bonta, despite his attempts to perhaps distance himself a little by moving to Astrub.

He mentions Kerubim once, and it's quite in character: he likes to keep his personal life very far from random work acquaintances.

Kerubim does not mention Joris or Atcham (save for a singular line of dialogue), but talks about dead people from 200 years ago incessantly. In my opinion, it is his way of respecting Joris's privacy and wishes. (And saving his own skin.)

(Imagine you were a calm, collected professional with an image to uphold, and your parent, who works in the same sphere and sees similar clients, went around telling stories of what you did as a child behind your back... brr.)

However, a lot of his dialogue reads as very... lonely. So I really doubt he's entirely on board with Joris and Atcham going off on their own, though there's not much he can do about it.

(The second screenshot is included because Kerubim saying "it's good to have someone small at home" deranges me. He is so empty nest syndrome'd it's crazy)

[holmesshire]

WARNING!! RDR2 SPOILERS Greetings folks! Welcome to uh... a beginners experience to RDR2 itself. I HAVE played a bit of the game (8-ish hours fiddling around grabbing the concept of the sandbox-like elements..), but I'll be here to post my daily experience on this game. Without further ado..... Log 01

alright firstly I will admit, before even starting for the day with my intents I had a look around camp. Hosea was teaching Jack to read, Abigail waving Arthur off... .. and (being the curious fool I am) decided I'd eavesdrop on this interaction.

...needless to say, I don't think they were too impressed. My first mission I took to start Chapter 2 was Uncle's mission. I was stoked to start this... cause.. VALENTINE! (but seriously why is this town so close to horseshoe overlook??? that thought was consistent in my head...). Being the goody two shoes I was I prompted to help the coach with his horse.

disaster struck me soon after.

SO I HAD TO MISSION RESET... .. not the first time I failed the first part of the mission Eventually though we did get to Valentine. The prospect of the saloon sitting right infront of me nearing this mission had me STOKED. Not to mention when exiting the general store I was convinced Arthur was drunk... (I played GTA5, I'm familiar with when Rockstar wants to throw in the being drunk feature). Alas, he wasn't. So the mission continued!

SO THEN WE FIND OUT THE GIRLS GOT THEMSELVES INTO TROUBLE.

"Did you shoot him?" no. kinda wish I did, I don't like seeing a women get disrespected like that :(

The usual went down from there as most RDR2 players probably know -- save Tilly, accidentally knive the guy Karen was having problems with... (that's intended in the game right? cause I gasped when I stabbed him) .. OH, AND THE CHASE!

No pictures I'm afraid but I can clarify, Jimmy was saved. Is that going to cost me? Probably. I mean later on in this gametime Arthur was telling Dutch about Jimmy... that's gotta hold some importance, right? Ahh... I like to be civil.

I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT FINDING THE HORSE OWNER. I AM SO SORRY, SO SO SO SORRY :'(((((

As I was still in Valentine after Uncle's mission, I noticed Javier was in the saloon so I went in there. Had a good giggle at the "he about to kiss that guy or punch him?" comment and did NOT hold my composure whatsoever when the bar fight itself started.

never thought I'd get so offended at getting my hat knocked off though........

IT HAPPENED TWICE! yes, I am saying after this first bit I picked up my hat, then Tommy comes in and WHERE IS MY HAT. GONE. VANISHED!!!!!! (I died to Tommy on the first go too... what an absolute loser I am to this. All because I forgot how to block......).. I passed the hurdle on the second go. Felt bad for Arthur being covered in dirt after the cutscene happened, and I nearly lost it into a giggling fit when DUTCH showed up. My thoughts were fixed on it; WHY IS DUTCH HERE?!

Now listen, after my hat got knocked the second time I waited patiently for the lore to settle and the cutscene to finish, and I made a beeline for the saloon. Wasn't leaving without my hat, no sirree...

this resulted in me finding out about Cigarette Cards! Apparently according to Google there's 144 in total. Uhh... that's another thing on my bucket list! (Alongside completing William's first task with the Harlow's, and Deborah's bone collecting task). Oh, and dumb dumb over here didn't realise my hat was back on my horse back in the camp. Pretty dumb guy if you ask me...

There were 2 "strangers" I met after this mission, both inside of Valentine; The biographer and the homeless vet.

I came across the biographer first, this guy RAVING about a gunslinger. I found the whole thing delirious considering there's a sheriff.. . ain't gunslingers like outlaws? (Talking about the fact Valentine's SHERIFF was nearby. This biographer had a lot of guts rambling on about his tales and actively wanting to track historical outlaws for this biography of his...)

i'm onto you mister. You shady fella you...

Now in my opinion, the homeless vet had me in a HEARTBEAT. Had me confused as heck at first because his dialogue startled up whilst I was behind the same house he was infront of.... I was crashing into everyone to be generous to this guy. However I found him!

Believe me, hearing about this guy had me down. The one arm caught my attention first and really, REALLY I felt for this guy. (Of course I gave him the hug, the guy needs it if you ask me...)

FINALLY I made my way back to the camp. All these prompted missions interested me, However it was Kieran who had my attention straight away. The darn O'Driscoll who was tied up? THAT GUY? A MISSION???? How can you not be sceptical of that! Dutch was going to castrate this guy. CASTRATION. CASTRATION?

Yeah, pretty big stuff. Soo... Kieran admits to an O'Driscoll camp. I was reminded of that whole 6 (was it 6?) gangs index you can find index, and generally stuff about overrunning the camp spaces. Of course I was invested... and John being up? I took full advantage of poking fun at this guy on the way there... (in my defence Jack was literally staring me down earlier today. Gotta set my priorities straight.../joke)

The ambush occurred, and uh... things went "smoothly" (that's a lie, our silent ambush went straight to charging). I was sat there questioning everything at one point because both Bill and John were scattering. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? ... .. we did it though.

The kicker where Kieran protects Arthur stabbed me good. I have the clip... "oh my god.. wait WHAT?" -- (me, today)

or this. This encapsulates my reaction just as well.

My main question though is how QUICK Kieran was to jump on and join the Van der Linde gang.. Kieran... buddy I'm starting to see why Dutch was so eager to castrate you. You my friend have got balls of steel....... I'm suspicious though. Undeniably, the guys sketchy to me.

I'll catch you round on Log 02 when it comes...... hoo boy, we're only getting started and I know it...

[velvet4510]

Many defenses of Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre have been written already, but I feel they’re important to remember when reading the book. It is easy to judge his actions towards his wife based on modern sensibilities and norms, but the historical context of the story is extremely important to note when evaluating his actions.

First off, in the 1840s, insanity was not grounds for divorce. So he wasn’t lying when he said he was trapped in that marriage; there was no legal way for him to leave her.

Also, in the 1840s, asylums were basically worse than death. Inmates were treated as less than human, and often chained, beaten, and sexually assaulted.

Plus, look at Bertha’s actions whenever she escapes from the attic:

1. She tries to murder her husband by burning him in his bed.

2. She tries to murder her own brother.

3. She sets the house on fire by trying to murder Jane, thinking she’s still in that room.

This woman is a 3-time attempted murderer. Regardless of motive, that just … is not okay. Yes, perhaps she’s not in control of her actions; perhaps her insanity is doing these things, not her conscious self. But still. She’s a danger to everyone around her. And considering the medical achievements of the time, there was no hope that she could ever be cured.

Rochester had every reason to send her to one of those asylums after she proved how dangerous she was. But he didn’t. He kept her locked in the house and looked after by a 24/7 caretaker where she was guaranteed safety, food, water, and decent company rather than abuse, torment, and starvation. That was in fact the better and kinder option. Nowadays, such an action would be horrifying BECAUSE divorce and professional mental healthcare are options. But not back then. Considering his particular situation, he did the most honorable thing that could possibly be done with regard to her.

And his anger towards her is not because of her madness. He himself tells Jane that if she were mad, he would still love her and be devoted to her forever. Bertha cheated on him during the first years of their marriage. He was ready to love and care for her all his life, but she betrayed his trust completely. You can’t fully fault him for having mistresses when she broke their vows of faithfulness first. Also, considering he was not told about her insanity ahead of time, he had absolutely no idea what he was signing up for with her. He wasn’t prepared to deal with someone who was mentally disturbed. And he mentions he literally contemplated suicide during the marriage; that’s how miserable she made him.

Whenever he talks about her, he rarely calls her “my wife.” He always refers to her as Bertha Mason, never as Mrs. Rochester. He’s so scarred by what he’s been through with her that he’s literally in denial and trying to convince himself that they’re not married. His behavior really reflects that of someone who has experienced spousal abuse and is unable to leave. It’s not pretty.

Yet, let’s not forget their last-ever moment together. She has ruined his life completely. Her existence prevented him from marrying the love of his life and doomed him to be alone forever after Jane left him. You’d think he would leave her to burn after all the harm she caused him, her brother, and Jane.

Instead, while still in love with another woman, and knowing her death would give him a chance with Jane, he goes back into a burning house, loses a hand, goes blind, and very nearly dies trying to save her life. She has done nothing to earn this act from him. But he still does it. Because his experience with Jane has taught him that, in spite of the unfair hand he was dealt, and his understandable anger towards her, Bertha is still his wife. He is still her husband.

What’s more, he chose to become Adele’s guardian. There was no proof that she was his, and he disliked children. Yet he still took on the responsibility of taking care of her and took the time to give her presents, hire a governess for her, and make sure she grew up in a safe environment. That really shows his good character.

Also, he completely turns around after deceiving Jane and concealing Bertha’s existence. When Jane learns the truth, Rochester stops all lies and comes clean, telling her everything and being completely honest. Honesty is one of the core factors of a healthy relationship and though Rochester badly fails the test early on in his romance with Jane, he does redeem himself on that front. And when she leaves him and he is heartbroken, he doesn’t take his pain out on anyone (unlike a certain “hero” from Charlotte Brontë’s sister Emily’s classic book). He arranges for Mrs. Fairfax to be comfortably retired and for Adele to go to school (decisions which very likely ended up saving both of their lives considering that Thornfield burned).

Moreover, when Jane returns to him, he has become selfless enough to believe she’d be better off without him and encourage her to marry St. John. He doesn’t try to possess her or keep her, like he used to. He gives her the freedom to choose.

And, being financially independent, Jane now has the power to live without him. Her marrying him is a choice, not a forced or coerced action.

The great thing about their love story is how it evolves from unhealthy to healthy. They both experience individual growth when separated, and get back together more compatible than ever before.

So, despite what haters may say, the great Charlotte Brontë’s text contains more than enough evidence that Rochester IS good enough for Jane and that he DOES deserve her.

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

the giggle - thoughts and reactions (part 1/2)

fourteen breaking up from the dance- w/ the toymaker-> "do you see why i broke with him?"

kate going to hug fourteen feels very appropriate sdlkfj kate is like 14 aka barerly holding it together lol distincly not Having Had A Good time for a while. Esp avoiding any serpents...she’s just 1 scandal away from a malcolm tucker "this job has fucked me in every hole of my fucking body" meltdown")

"no change then, there" rtd making all his rtd1 era political subtext into text lol

oh…. so kate is just 1 mind-funker away from becoming an immigrant-hating, disabled-hater, bravermanish AnCapp ........................ interesting to know (put a pin on that tbh. I feel we may finally get the antagonist!kate of our dreams (my dreams) in this era)

shirley being so "is it offensive? Well, borderline..." and "absolutely no need" and "don't make me the problem" feels kinda like... "oh we can have a have a badass disabled character but she can't actually impose herself or be an inconvinience in any way" ://

like damn in that exchange with kate, just have a "we'll talk about it later" line. From a non-political / strictly narrative-pov, that would give us a bit of a flavor for their relationship as well.

"can't you give everyone a mask?" "imagine trying that" the thing is. russel.......... they did very much give everyone a mask, DSFKLJ like *some* made a big noise and sure it's alarming for "what that means" but like... most ppl did in fact mask up sldfkj that was a very significant thing that happened, in fact.........)

the old archengel network~~

CANON WEST END MELANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rtd taking "but no one watches television anymore!" people and giving them the middle finger <3 iconic

nah we were already mad dr. you're not that important

"that's righteusness! that's human!" but let us seeeee the effect. same problem as the first special. we're too much in the doctor's pov. let me see the *outside world* pov. rtd1 used to be so good with this :/

"you have my permission" autocracy? in MY dr. who? is more likely than u think

(what separates 14 from 10 is that like.... 11-12-13... they could all be quite ruthless, but those post-10 doctors didnt waste time with bs. they just Get On with the autocracy w/ no pretenses lol) (it's growth (tm) but at the same time........... oh, yeah, we're on a waters of marsy / ghost light-y path lol)

"hello" "hi" T.T so cute!!! i love them

"good old sabolom glitz" what an oxymoron lol

"I've got nothing. My family are all gone" oof. timeless child parallelsssss

also melanie if u want a family u just need to adopt a bunch of orphaned, supernaturally-enhanced teenagers. it worked for SJ!!!

kate WILL hire all your ex-girlfriends doctor and there's nothing u can do to stop her

"all this time and you didn't mentioned her" i mean tbf. i love melanie but .not mentioning sj *is* more alarming than not mentioning melanie sdlkfjsdklfjsd

"you're wearing yourself out" YEAH THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING

companions marathoning doctor who thru the doctor's head is always so clara coded

we can't have 10.000 …….. but we can have this “the first man picked up a rock” monologue.

(tbh actually......... i always thought it was very fitting for The Story of dr. who that the very first serial and is a historical about "the day friendship was invented" , so them invoking that rn feels very fitting. The toymaker, as a the Doctor’s Fun House Mirror Of The Day reframes that day (that story) as the day *murder* was invented. )

thie flashbacks make the toymaker serial look so much better than it is lol the land of stories serial >>> toymaker serial

"you never tell me to do that" he does actually jjkjkkklk all the time.......

"that's what unravels me, all the laws I cling to, gone" for The Theme…. → overcoming trauma is about accepting the irationality and injustice of it happening. It’s necessitates accepting that life can be fundamentally Unbalanced and not Karmic.

this ep is fun but is like.... idk some of 14's speeches here. Him being so clear-headed… it feels bit gratuitous? Unearned? this "im always so certain" as well... which *shouldnt feel like that* since we've had 13 seasons (40+ seasons*) of development before this. but idk it still feels like... too much too sudden?

"take away the toys... what am i? what am i now?" the kids aren't all right.mp3

maybe i'll save u!!! aaaaa TOT

(for all the talk about "i say things like that now" the doctor doesn't actually says she loves donna *to* her face here...)

“games don’t have a memory, every game starts from scratch” tbh that’s what watching the show is like sometimes lol even for us ~reconcile everything~folks… at some point u do gotta take each week as its own thing.

the giggle in my head………… // the drumming…?

lol the "i thought i was clever" puppetry imaginery and the twisting of the ten-era"help me" motif.. c'mon toymaker is just ur avarage fan fiction writer. u are valid my dude!! join AO3!!!

[kebriones]

Sorry to bother but where can I find informations about Alcibiades? I saw you and the others mentioning many times on Tumblr and I got very curious, can you please help me?

No worries, I love introducing more people to the cult I mean spreading the love for alcibiades!

Here are my suggestions:

Plutarch's life of alcibiades. You can find this one in english online easily but I included a link. A good first read in my opinion, but you need to know in advance that the author is writting about Alcibiades a few hundred years after he lived and a lot of what he says can't be taken for absolute historical fact.

jacqueline de romilly's book on Alcibiades. This one I am afraid you might have to purchace as I have been unable to find it online with my surface-level searching. Perhaps you might be able to find it in a library, I am not sure. I own this one in a physical copy that my grandma gifted to me. This one is in my opinion the single best book on alcibiades, as far as I can remember the author knows exactly what she's talking about and is not trying to push any agenda, unlike other authors of biographies of his.

If you get REALLY into it, the most historically accurate portrayal of Alcibiades is by Thucydides, BUT his texts are a pain to parse through if you're not completely possesed by madness like I was when I read it. But you can find them online in english I am pretty sure. If you just care about alcibiades and decide to give thucydides a try, I would suggest looking up when exactly alcibiades shows up to avoid reading a massive part of the book which doesn't include him.

Plato's Alcibiades I, Alcibiades II and the Symposium, all paint a very vivid picture of him but here you must remember that these are more like fanfiction than an accurate portrayal of him, but they are still fun and I honestly treat this fictional alcibiades as if he's the same as the real one for fun's sake. Like, I know these aren't facts but I chose to ignore that to have a more well-shaped character to think about. All of plato's texts can be easily found translated in english online.

Articles and videos on him on youtube. Now, these might be shorter to read/watch BUT. Very big warning: Most, if not all of the articles, videos and podcasts on him that I have read/listened to etc (since last july, I have consummed DOZENS of that stuff) have bigger or smaller misconceptions, misunderstandings and inaccuracies in them. I am afraid this is because nobody reads the actual ancient sources but there's a game of "broken telephone" where misinformation on him gets spread around. I would be vigilant when reading stuff on him online, I have even heard professionals and phd students and what not getting details about him very mixed up. If you've read plutarch's life and/or De Romilly's book beforehand you can catch these misunderstandings, but if you haven't, it's very easy to learn things that are just completely made up or wrong, but presented as facts.

Hope this helps!! If anyone has any other suggestions for reading on alcibiades or anything please feel free to contribute!

[strugglingyetvibing]

logging back on for the first time since dts season 6 dropped, how we feelin' f1blr?

i avoided socials like crazy because i didn't want any spoilers, but i just finished the season so i'm officially back, and i'm pretty miffed

putting an extender thingy here bc this is getting long and i don't wanna jam up your dashes too much haha

tl;dr - danica patrick sucks and the season was mid.

first of all, get danica patrick off my fucking screen. she, of all the women reporters they could have picked for this role, was the worst possible pick. give me rachel brookes! give me natalie pinkham! bernie collins (could you imagine??)! any of those fantastic women (or the others i didn't list) would be better than danica fucking patrick.

beyond that, the season was honestly kind of meh. they missed a lot of big plot points (hardly any mention of max's objectively historic run?? love him or hate him, it was something for the record books) for a lot of smaller plot points that really either could have been covered in just a chunk of an episode or were really just made up (e.g. they tried to make us think that liam and yuki weren't friends even though they literally are, and have been since before 2023). like, i get the fanfare of daniel coming back, but they also just did what f1 did and just stopped mentioning nyck ever again, which was so frustrating. it was so abrupt! i was shocked when the credits rolled.

they also just didn't mention qatar at all, which was wild. they could have used 'the shot' of lewis walking in the gravel with george's car going in the background! they could have talked about oscar winning something before lando! they could have talked about max winning the championship and how historic his run was! they could have talked about how fucking hard that race was for everyone on the grid and actually mention logan sargeant for once and show how williams and james vowles took care of him! there were a lot of missed opportunities there. as much as i don't like that race (due to the overwhelming strain it put on the drivers), it was an important one that probably should have been mentioned.

at first, i thought bringing claire williams in was a weird move, but i kind of appreciated her insight as an ex-team principle, similarly to how i appreciate bernie collins' insight during broadcasts. that was a good touch from the netflix team.

two episodes for alpine was too much. i get that there was a lot to go through for them, but they could have sped up the drama and made a super interesting single episode encapsulating both pierre and esteban's animosity (and them making it better) and otmar's departure. if put together, they could have made an engaging plot-twisty episode that would have been super fun to watch.

i also think it was really interesting how they didn't follow aston martin through their midseason fall. they propped them up in the first episode as a team poised to fight at the top, and then we never hear from them until abu dhabi. they mention that they had 'some struggles' throughout the season, but if you spend a whole episode hyping me up for a team, check in with the team at least once throughout the season. that was kind of disappointing that we didn't hear from them again until the end.

i honestly forgot that there were talks of lewis to ferrari in the middle of the season, so that episode was really interesting, especially knowing what we know now. the fact that the team told lewis to his face that he was wrong after a literal decade working together is absolutely bonkers, and i'm starting to understand more as to why he left. i just wish they had included the "hello lewis" moment at the monaco driver conference. they included another bit from the monaco conference, so i'm sad they missed that bit. would've helped with my bingo card tbh.

seeing the ferrari episode (it's like episode 8 or something) just makes me more mad that they dropped carlos. this isn't dts' fault, the episode was actually pretty good (aside from the pitting of charles against carlos, but that kind of comes with the show at this point lol), but seeing everything that carlos did for ferrari just for them to not renew his contract is insanely heartbreaking. back to back poles and a win (the only non-red bull win of the season!), as well as consistently performing incredibly well, bringing in consistent good points for himself and the team. i realize lewis is a seven-time world champion, and this isn't any sort of lewis hate (i actually love that man), but the decision to drop carlos and the manner in which ferrari did it is very infuriating. again, not dts' fault, but seeing the behind the scenes in that episode was so bittersweet.

i really didn't mean for this to get so long, jeez! i just have a lot of frustrations with the season (and honestly kind of the show as a whole, but i'll save this already long-ass rant from that lol). it's an enjoyable watch, but it's weird to think that this is the impression people who don't know f1 will get of the sport and the people inside of it when a lot of it is just plain wrong.

and again, fuck danica patrick. she should not be on that show at all, and i hope she doesn't return for season seven (i'm delusional, she probably will). she also should not be on the sky sports broadcast team, but again, i'm delusional, and she'll probably be around for much longer than jenson or i would like.

[thorraborinn]

is Jan Fries problematic / unreliable? the only thing i seem to find about him online is him "coming up" with the web of wyrd symbol and i really want to know if, you know, i should throw his book into the trash bin or not

I assume you're talking about his rune book, because that's the one I mentioned recently on here and what the wyrd symbol is traced to. If you're really only interested in going from a person who doesn't know about runes to a person who does, start here: https://fallaistafi.altervista.org/reading-list/. Like, obviously you can do what you want but nobody should ever expect my blessing to read occultists to learn runes.

Helrunar is a shitty rune book but a really good autoethnography of a certain section of 90's occultism that fed heavily into heathenry which makes it valuable as a historical artifact. Fries isn't a heathen (not that you have to be to write about runes), he's a sort of universalist eclectic occultist and his approach to runes and Norse magic in general is that it's one vernacular of a common human collective magic(k), all of which exist apart from any actual people who make up the culture it comes from and which is equally up for grabs to anyone. Coming at it from that angle, I dunno if he ever had a chance at making this a good book for someone to learn about runes. He can't stop projecting magical ideas onto them that have nothing to do with pre-modern Scandinavia because to him they're just common sense. I think the fact that he managed to include as much actual decent commentary as he did shows he was a true believer and he made a real good-faith effort, but the net result is a book which, while easily the best one I've ever read in the "metaphysical store rune magic paperback," sucks anyway. I think this demonstrates the limits of that approach. He does a weirdly good job of identifying and denouncing völkisch influence for a guy who then also writes a chapter on "runes and qabala" where he almost manages to avoid talking about Jews altogether. I don't see any reason to believe he's like secretly actively racist and he's not insidiously stealthing repugnant shit into the book but it's still a product of a time that's we're better for moving on from, where a lot of ambient racism and cultural chauvinism went unexamined.

Also yeah the actual ratio of factual statements to false ones is way better than similar books but it's still not good enough to, like, trust it as a source for learning. Maybe in the 90's when it was all someone had I could see that but fortunately that's not us. His etymology is, like, aggressively bad.

Anyway I don't think there's much point in me listing the merits and flaws of the book, reading it isn't going to accidentally turn you evil but if your goal is learning about anything from the middle ages or before it will waste your time and might make you mad two years later when you realize some things slipped past your BS detector that shouldn't have. But I wouldn't say to throw it out either, just understand it as something historically important for our much more recent history. It's pretty good as a handbook of "oh so that's why heathens think [weird thing]."

Also yeah if he did come up with that web of wyrd symbol then he gets props for that.

This is all a good demonstration of why I say you can't dispense with reading people like Barnes, Looijenga, Senra Silva, Page, etc.

[maskspurpose]

anon asked: https://x.com/maskspurpose/status/1711148987800023365?s=46 i need all your thoughts on where and how wataei fit on the butch-femme scale

okay see i dont really think either of them fit particularly well onto that scale and i would personally argue for the fact that like the scale itself is a somewhat flawed representation of like butch-femme dynamics as they exist?

butch/femme is a specific dynamic/subculture in itself basically and generally speaking butches & femmes aren't particularly big fans of the scale bc it misrepresents this dynamic as a sliding scale that everyone can fall on. i think the best and most concrete example i could use is the way it uses "stone butch" to imply that its just. the furthest on the butch side in terms of gender representation when its historical use is much more about sexual dynamics and specifically describes a butch who does not like to be touched in certain areas during sex. i know people also use it as a descriptor for gender presentation but i feel like not mentioning this would be like. an oversight. 

where were we...

 like it all depends on the person and im all for having fun with it sometimes but i also wanna like. ig preface the entire thing with like "applying the futch scale is fundamentally a bit of a joke" and thats in part why i made the joke about eichi unironically identifying as futch... hes 19 hes maybe not super well-read on the dynamics and mostly just applies them for fun and bc he doesnt feel like femme or butch suit him, he falls on futch.

 i know that in the past i've specifically said keito cares a LOT about this stuff and is really mad at eichi about it but ig this wasnt about keito. 

UMMM beyond this i haven't spent much time thinking about it for them. i like to call wataru butch and i think part of that is because the closest to like a fem counterpart to his general demeanor i can think of is kaoru seta from bandori. like a butch who has a drag queen alter ego. butch who presents like a flamboyant gay guy yknow? its about the gender nonconformity in either direction which is why i personally feel like making wataru into the popular perception of like a "femme lesbian" (aka a feminine woman) would fall flat and ignore a lot of the existing appeal of the character. 

(saying "the popular perception of" because theres plenty of femmes who very consciously and purposefully present in a gnc way but still identify as femme. theres actually like a really interesting... split i guess in "community" perception about this, where depending on the femme it's either straightforwardly about gender presentation or much more specifically about care and love for butches (this doesn't have to be like "being the caretaker for the butch youre dating" and i think that interpretation is pretty reductive too like it's smth that has historical background) who have historically been at high risk of violence due to their gender nonconformity. but like again this goes rlly deeply into these dynamics in a way i don't really expect people to explain and/or understand on fandom twitter LMAO) 

but like very genuinely you can do whatever the fuck you want. sorry for writing a whole essay about it jesus christ 

[Smile or comment on the answer here]

[monaluisa]

14. Dumbest reason for fandom drama

19. Has anyone ever gotten mad over how you've portrayed an character or over a headcanon or something?

20. In what ways do you think this fandom should step outside it's comfort zone

4. Best historical Hetalia takes

6. Shout out to someone on Tumblr who has the best takes for your favorite character

12. What makes this Fandom different in a positive way compared to other fandoms

14. Probably the USUK/FrUK shipping wars in the days of yore. This is my second stint in the hetalia fandom; the first one was circa 2015-2017 when it was starting to die down, and I was pretty young and inexperienced, so I heard more about the drama then I really saw, but I think any shipping war is pretty stupid. I was into ATLA early in the pandemic and somehow I got caught up in the Zutara vs. Kataang wars even though I don't really ship either of them, so I've seen how irrational shipping wars make people.

19. Not yet, because I haven't made much, but I'm always terrified of it happening lol. A central plot point in the fic I'm working on now is that Greece is trying to kill Turkey to avenge Byzantium's death, and I preemptively put a disclaimer on the fic that it wasn't a commentary on Greco-Turkish relations just in case someone got mad.

20. I know that Hetalia isn't meant to be taken seriously at all, but I love to see when people do. I'd love to see more people explore the worldbuilding of it, like their immortality; I take it that they can die (ex: falling in the ocean and drowning or something) and then come back, but we know they can also die for real because it happened to Rome and Holy Rome, and I want to know at what point they die for real. What does death mean for them when it works like that? Also, what are the implications of the nation's existence? How much do they identify with humans and human culture, and how much are they seperate from it by virtue of immortality and literally being a political entity? Are they more in charge of their nations, or are they just immortal puppets to their boss of the day? What does family mean to people who cannot die and who are rarely (if ever) biologically connected to each other in the way that humans are? And how have all these things shaped them each individually as characters? Now I'm just listing stuff I like to write about lol.

4. The HRE, Austria, and Prussia were all children together; Austria and Prussia grew up, but Holy Rome, being pretty weak, never did, and so Austria essentially became his caretaker, and watched him wither away from the 30 Years War until finally succumbing to the clusterfuck that is Napoleonic Europe. Austria was so torn up that he ordered the creation of Germany (or the German Confederation) primarily for political reasons, but also maybe as a way to replace Holy Rome as a person. Germany then spent like 1815-1866 torn between what Austria wanted him to be and what Prussia wanted him to be, all while Prussia is slowly taking the reigns from Austria and essentially forcing Germany to grow up too fast into war and conquest, ultimately pitting him against Austria in the Austro-Prussian War. Taking all of my own headcanons into consideration, I just think that Prussia, Austria, and Germany are really interesting characters to examine.

6. It's hard for me to pick a favorite character (Probably Prussia or Romano) but @sailorgreywolf-german has some of the best takes on the HRE I've seen.

12. First of all, there's the fact that you can never leave it, so like the theoretically-immortal characters, it's hard for the fandom to truly be dead. Second of all, the only thing really uniting the fandom is the concept of the show and the loosely-agreed upon characters in it, and you have all of history to work them into, so for a history nut like myself, that mean ideas come fairly easily. I wrote a fic about HRE dying where I briefly mentioned Byzantium throwing Greece off of the wall of Constantinople, so then I wrote a fic about that, and now I'm writing a fic where that wall-yeeting (and the subsequent fall of Constantinople and death of Byzantium) is a big sticking point of Greece's character. Hetalia is the gift that keeps giving lol.

[world-cinema-research]

The Shining (1980)

(SHORT ESSAY)

By Jensen Boles (THE 112C)

(Original movie poster from The Shining.)

Based on the Stephen King novel of the same name, the film was released only 3 years after the novel came out in 1977 and was directed by Stanley Kubrick. The story of this film consists of our main character named Jack Torrance who gets a job as a caretaker at the Overlook Hotel during the offseason which leads to Jack losing his temper and acting out towards his wife and son due to the isolation from being snowed in at the hotel. This film has depictions of isolation and its negative effects which has been previously depicted in the film known as Psycho which was released before The Shining, but it's also been depicted in later films such as Misery, The Lighthouse, Us, and Get Out. For this week's blog post, I will be discussing the plot as well as mentioning a few facts about the film, I will also discuss the critical reception as well as I'll be discussing the film's style and if it's conventional or unconventional, I will also talk about some historical events that took place during the year, the film came out.

(Original Theatrical trailer for The Shining.)

The film stars Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, Scatman Crothers, Philip Stone, and many more. The plot consists of Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson), a recovering alcoholic who lands a job working as a caregiver at the Overlook Hotel during the off-season in the winter. He is warned about being snowed in and having to deal with isolation and the negative impacts it has on one's mind but takes the job anyway. Not to mention, the previous caretaker that took the job endured the isolation and the negative effects led to him acting violent towards his family. Meanwhile he then brings his wife, Wendy Torrance (Shelley Duvall) and his son, Danny Torrance (Danny Lloyd) to the hotel which eventually gets snowed in and Jack acts violent towards his family because of the isolation from working at the hotel. Not to mention Danny has a psychic ability which allows him to communicate telepathically as well as see the events that occurred at the hotel, he shares this ability with the hotel's head chef named Dick Halloran (Scatman Crothers) in which he claims the power is called "The Shining."

(Come Play With Us clip from The Shining.)

I think that the overall plot of this movie was unique because of the setting of an isolated hotel located in the mountains. As well as the depiction of how isolation can negatively impact someone's mind, which had been previously depicted in the film, Psycho. But would also be depicted in other films such as Us, Get Out, Misery, and The Lighthouse. As I mentioned above, Stanley Kubrick directed The Shining, but he was also known for his other works including 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, and Full Metal Jacket to name a few.

(A photograph from the filming of The Shining.)

The film was met with positive reviews, Roger Ebert once said "Stanley Kubrick's cold and frightening "The Shining" challenges us to decide: Who is the reliable observer? Whose idea of events can we trust?" Roger Ebert hints at what the viewers should expect when watching this film. Even today The Shining has an IMDb rating of 8.4/10 which makes the film still relevant to this day. One person on IMDb even said "While I can understand a lot of Stephen King's arguments over Kubrick's vision, including casting Jack Nicholson who instead of a descent into madness looks insane from the first frame. This is still an absolute classic." The Shining made $46,212,649 worldwide, with a budget of only $19,000,000. While the film was ignored by the Academy, Scatman Crothers won a 1981 Saturn Award for best supporting actor while Stanley Kubrick was nominated for a Saturn Award for best director.

Since the film came out in 1980, many historical events took place. But the two that seem to be relevant to me would be Ronald Reagan winning the 1980 Presidential Election as well as John Lennon getting shot outside his apartment in New York City. I think the assassination of John Lennon coinciding with The Shining's depiction of a negatively impacted mindset is rather interesting because that seemed to be the case for Mark Chapman, John Lennon's killer.

(Here's Johnny clip from The Shining.)

The Shining was also known for its unique style. Especially the shots of the mountains in the beginning of the film as well as the shots of the Overlook Hotel. Thanks to the cinematography of John Alcott and Martin Kenzie who mainly rely on wide angle shots which plays well into the films style of being a psychological horror as well as an adaptation of a Stephen King novel.

Overall, I think The Shining tends to fit in the conventional film category because of Stanley Kubrick in the directors seat, as well as Jack Nicholson in the starring role. It also fits in the conventional category by having a unique plot with Stanley Kubrick's style of directing and was not only made make money but to garner more fans because of the fact that it was based on the Stephen King novel of the same name.

[hanhowls]

🦚 - Are there any queer books/shows/etc. that you would suggest?

Hi! :) Hope you're having a good Saturday, anon.

I'm always reading something. Queer, especially lesbian content was so hard to find when I was younger and if I could, I'd aborb it all lol. Loving all the content coming out now.

Here's my top 5 in queer reading currently...

1. Stone Butch Blues - Leslie Feinberg. Of course it's on the top! 😉 I first read this book as a college reading assignment. And you know how that goes. You drag your feet and finally do the project the very last moment. But I'm glad I did read this one because it left a lasting impact. This book helped me understand my identity and made me very pro-union at the same time lol. 100% worth being read at least once.

2. The Heart's Invisible Furies - John Boyne. Damn, the emotions this one brought up. It's a historical fiction that gives a great perspective on being a gay man back in the 40's up to the 80's when the aids pandemic kicked up. Cyril's struggle with identity will make you both love and hate him 💔.

3. Mad Honey - Jodi Picoult 🐝. I enjoyed this book, loved Olivia and her facts about bees. Lily's side of events was interesting. I liked how the author wrote her interactions with other LGBTQ+ individuals. I do have to say that as much as I enjoyed this book, some of the details and pacing near the end seemed off.

4. The Jasmine Throne - Tasha Suri. This was a sapphic slow burn 🔥 . I loved the world building. Priya is a straight up bad ass. It's a fantasy novel and the author infuses Indian culture and mythology which is so refreshing for the fantasy genre. This is the first book in a series. Be warned though ...The second book will break your heart. I can't say I didn't throw the book lol.

5. The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller. A retelling of the legend of Archilles and Patroclus in the Trojan war. God I love Madeline Miller's books and this one certainly doesn't fall short. Tragic love story that will unlock levels of yearning you didn't realize you had 😵.

~

The Priory of The Orange Tree is an honorable mention, but jeezus christ what happens just before the romance sets off is disturbing and made it seemed forced.. 😭. If anyone else has read it please vent to me about it cuz wtf!!

As for shows, please watch 'What We Do In The Shadows' and thank me later if you haven't. It's become a comfort show for me and the humor is top tier.

[t-and-her-books]

The Spirit Engineer by A.J West

"Ghosts are mere memories of lives passed, granted a reassuring afterlife, manifested by the pleading, grasping, fearful imagination of our own mortality."

"Doubt is, after all, the mother of inquiry and the grandmother of resolution."

(Bcs I can't pick just 1 quote out of this incredible book)

Personal rating: 7/10 Summary: Belfast, 1914. Two years after the sinking of the Titanic, high society has become obsessed with spiritualism in the form of seances that attempt to contact the spirits of loved ones lost at sea. William is a man of science and a sceptic, but one night with everyone sat around the circle something happens that places doubt in his heart and a seed of obsession in his mind. Could the spirits truly be communicating with him or is this one of Kathleen’s parlour tricks gone too far?

︑︒⚬∙︓·⠄ thoughts

(Spoilers under the cut)

The Spirit Engineer by AJ West (to my surprise) was inspired by real stories with the main characters and main supporting characters like William Jackson Crawford, his family, Kathleen Goligher, and her family being real people. The only people that were figments of his imagination was Adelia Carter and Albert Blithe.

First and foremost the book itself is a historical fiction that feels more fictional than historical, so it is easy to read for those that do not want to skim through historical jargon. Despite this, the book itself feels slow at the beginning and middle when compared to the climax of the story.

With the beginning having an almost menial day to day descriptions of what is happening to William and the last part of the middle onwards having numerous time skips and time jumps.

This book follows the life of William Jackson Crawford, a professor in engineering that lives in the edge of poverty with his family comprised of his wife, two daughters, and his youngest and only son. It is written in William's perspective as he goes through the trials and tribulations of managing a facade in front of not only himself but his family and peers. The facade of an intelligent man that is worthy of respect.

Everywhere he goes, William, though intelligent in his own right, is somehow looked down upon by everyone around him.

One more note, though the book seems to have a horror/thriller aspect, that isn't heavily explored until near the end of the book where I was basically sitting on the edge of my seat.

(Spoilers starting now)

I find the story to be slightly boring in the beginning, though it does serve purpose. William Crawford at the start of the story lives his average life, difficult, but average. It isn't until the seances and his spiritual investigations does his life begin to get more interesting as he begins to go mad. So the fact that it isn't until this point that I find myself really pulled into the book isn't that surprising.

The book itself portrays William's slow descend to madness beautifully at the beginning of the book. With his repeated humiliation showing the readers why he is such an insecure man. But near the end his brutality with his experiment with Kathleen feels somewhat rushed.

I feel like the book itself could explore more the middle between when William was invited to London and when he starts his London tour. Not to mention there are one loose thread in the story that annoyingly is never resolved, the pamphlet and the audience's outrage following William's lecture of the spiritual phenomenas is briskly forgotten after he meets with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Harry Houdini (which might I add made me scream the first time I read their interaction).

Though it is explored how it practically ruined his psyche, that part feels rushed as well. Especially with how quickly the end and the twist was revealed. The pace of the ending was definitely needed with how slow the start was. It was a refreshing end. But the middle, when the jump happened, did give me whiplash (lmao).

The horror aspect at the end, especially with all the reveals, William's mother possessing Rose and the picture he carried with him not actually being a picture of his mother was incredible. I was at the edge of my seat actually scared. (Though this might be due to the fact that I was reading this at 2am when I couldn't sleep, needless to say I didn't sleep till the sun rose that night.) (I blame it on my jetlag).

︑︒⚬∙︓·⠄ character analysis

⋆ ★ William Jackson Crawford

This man was so interesting to read. I was on his side up until the end! And when he met Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?!?!??! And Harry Houdini????? I was going insane like legitimately insane. Ok back to the actual analysis:

William Jackson Crawford is a deeply insecure and troubled man, not to mention haunted (both literally and figuratively lmao). From the very beginning we can tell he's not someone who holds himself at a high regard, despite how he talks about himself. He sees himself as someone with such high potential but when people confront him about it he loses so much of his own pride that it's honestly sad to see.

The biggest example of this is his bladder issues. Having bladder problems is seen as something humiliating, especially if those issues were connected to someone of his valour. A middle-aged professor of engineering, a father of three, and a husband. It's embarrassing and humiliating. We can see how this affected him twice in the story, both of those happening in the first two acts of the book.

The first being when Principle Forth invited him to come to the gala earlier, he believes this is because he has a higher calling by the principal, he believes that this is finally his time to shine. That's why he recites his studies about the dirigibles in the bathroom only to lose all his confidence when Albert Blithe comes in. His lost in confidence doesn't only show in his stuttering but because he is unable to release his bladder. Which causes Albert to chuckle before leaving.

The second is when he soils himself after the seance in the attic. Only for Samuel Goligher, the boy he looks down upon repeatedly in his classroom, to humiliate and laugh at him.

I wish AJ West did something more with this because, though disgusting, is an interesting aspect in William's life. A part of me wonder if this was all a hint to William's troubled life unbeknownst to him, the one that was revealed in the end, especially with how he burned down the Goligher home and killed Rose. As bladder issues like bed-wetting are symptoms of a budding serial killer. (I'm not kidding search it up).

Either way, one amazing thing AJ West has done with William as a character is really get into his mind. As a reader, I was always with William, when he didn't believe in the spirits and ghosts I followed with him. I had the same amount of suspicion as he did. But when the 'evidence' starts to stack up, I soon follow suit that the spirits in this book is real. That he is hearing the voices of Noah, Robert, and his mother. The book gives you no room for suspicion for William's character up until the start of the last 2 acts when he starts acting sporadically and insanely.

That is when the veil starts to get lifted, but only because his actions have gone more brazen and brutal. With getting Rose to search within Kathleen's orifices and gagging everyone in his experiments. It was difficult and brutal to read.

It made the revelation at the end that much more incredible. That all of it was a partly a figment of his own imagination.

⋆ ★ Elizabeth Crawford

I'm torn with Elizabeth's characterisation. I don't really know how to feel when it comes to her. I feel like there's a lot of directions AJ West was trying to go to with Elizabeth, but at the end of the day she feels like a tool to move the story forward instead of herself.

In the first part of the book she plays the role of loving wife and grieving sister very well. She loves William and, to some degree, feels comfortable around him, if the whole part in the gala where she was falling asleep to him was anything to say. But this makes no sense if I were to connect it with the reveal in the end where it turns out that he beats her in his sleep. I suspected her to be more standoffish than she actually is.

Her standoffish behaviour only shines through when William gets madder and madder, which yes makes sense, but doesn't if you think that she's scared of him when he sleeps. It would make more sense if she's even more scared of him during this part and instead the loving and caring version of her (in the first part) during the beginning of William's investigations.

Because she does say near the end that when the spiritual investigations began, William started sleeping soundly again, until the demons that haunted his nights before the investigations start bleeding into his real self in the day. To me this reveal in the end would then make sense of how Elizabeth should've acted in the middle of the story if she was suddenly more loving and comfortable. Only to get even more fearful and distant nearing the end.

Imo Elizabeth's outburst with the knife at the end deserves more attention. Like, woman deserves a whole cleaver and chase scene with William with all the shit he did to her tbh tbh tbh (jkjk or am I? elizabeth a better woman than me, if some guy did that to me I'd die the moment Noah died)

⋆ ★ Kathleen Goligher

I HAVE SO MUCH QUESTIONS ABOUT KAHTLEEN GOLIGHER

Okay her 'character analysis' is going to be the least analysis analysis out of all of them. Because I DON'T GET IT???

At the start of the story she's this mysterious figure we don't know too much about. It isn't until she practically begged William to come to the seances and prove whether or not she's actually a real medium does her character begin to get even more interesting. Because it made me wonder if Kathleen was being forced by her mother/sister/Noah to perform these parlour tricks.

It shows how childish she actually is. It paints a picture into the readers mind of her not as another person but as a character with history and fears and a child at heart. She's questioning herself and she's scared, it gives her dimensions.

Especially as the story progresses and William's experiments get more and more immoral, we sympathise with her more and more despite how William thought of her at the start of the story.

But with the ending being revealed that:

She's actually lying and all the supernatural things happening are just tricks

She does actually perform seances, one that Elizabeth believed, and one that called William to the attic that very first night

Doesn't these two contradict one another??? Or was that just the point??? Because if so, ARE THE GOLIGHERS ACTUALLY FRAUDS OR NOT??? Cause like every single supernatural 'evidence' in William's experiments were proven false at the end of the book. So what the hell does that make Kathleen??? Wdym she called William with her spirits?? So does she actually have spirits or not?

Are the spirits a lie or is it just the proof that William have found??

I'm so confused by her but god damn do I feel bad for her near the final chapters. Especially when she was brought over to the Crawford home and she asked where her mam and sister was. Like that just broke my heart.

⋆ ★ SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE AND HARRY HOUDINI

WHY? CAUSE I'M INSANE FOR THEM AND I JUST NEED TO PUT IT HERE HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THEY SHOW UP FOR ONE CHAPTER AND MY MIND AND SOUL IS JUST FILLED WITH THEM THE ENTIRETY OF THE STORY JUST LIKE WILLIAM WHICH MAKES IT JUST

AAAAA

CHEF'S KISS

Anyways, this is a direct quote on my annotation right after reading chapter 37, enjoy my insanity.

"THIS ENTIRE PAGE IS AMAZING TO READ. A LITERAL WONDER AND INCREDIBLE WORK OF JUST TWO PAGES AND I'M INSANE. I LITERALLY LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH. William's panic, his fear, his idea that they are ridiculing him when no! They're DISCUSSING with him!!"

"These two men have such bright intelligence that they find security in their own beliefs and knowledge THAT THEY ACHE TO CHALLENGE IT!!! WHERE WILLIAM IS SOMEONE WHO BASKS AND NEEDS OTHER PEOPLE'S APPRECIATION AND VALIDATION THAT HE'S SCARED AND DOWNRIGHT TERRIFIED OF EVER BEING PROVEN OR THOUGHT OF AS WRONG!!!!"

Moral of the story: I love historical history and is down bad at the idea of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle just fully reading William Jackson Crawford TO SHREDS!

[ikusayu-no-hana]

guden thought dump

(pronouns will vary, it's not deep I prommy)

the OP is so so so hot everyone is x100 more beautiful somehow . FANS. truly whats hotter than women dancing w fans. actual fav op after kiden's.

ok so im v bad at parsing lyrics in songs of any language by solely hearing them but im p sure they mention Ishiyama - the temple at which it is said murasaki shikibu wrote out the entire tale.

i've heard that ayana has a background in ballet?? norimune could high kick me any day of the week

being bi really amplifies things

hajimeyouka ^^

well the goal here is to make the tale of genji into actual history. that would implicate and fuck up the existing imperial lineage ig.

its soooo weird to see kasen being so friendly and vibing w his teammates bc usually he has a massive stick up him . he even lets ookurikara go his own separate way pursuing the shikigami (?) like???? thats a step up from the hostility theyd share n he's more trusting of kara in this honmaru.

individual fights now. norimune really is stealing the show i cant tear my eyes off herrrr.

its so cute how nansen and himetsuru call each other hime no aniki and nan-kun........ and nansen being taller than hime too. like an elegant elder sibling indulging the younger scruffier one.

hmmm so in GM the 'rainy night conversation' scene where genji and co. r dissecting what kind of woman would be the best to pursue takes place in hahakigi, literally the second chapter, and the opinions of women they put forth in the text r presented as worldly advice that spurs genji to realize that he loves fujitsubo, and in the long run, also shapes his motivations behind kidnapping wakamurasaki ("it is probably not a bad idea to take a wholly childlike, tractable wife and form her yourself as well you can"). while the entire thing does reek of misogyny its more nuanced and bealievable given that the characters justify their opinions w anecdotes (also very fucked up in their own right). guden sort of downplayed the nuance there by solely having genji, to-no-chuji et al focus on beauty and a few quick lines resembling a summary of one or two paragraphs of to-no-chujo. it serves its purpose but......i would have liked it to be a bit longer.....

OHHH MY GOD one of them says 「美しさは人を惑わせる」 / beauty leads people astray which is just like kasen saying 「美しさは兎角人を狂わせる」 / beauty tends to drive people to madness' in kiden. didnt realize my blog title could fit both sutes

*touken danshi roasting the misogynistic convo* this has so many layers bc. written by a woman -> story centred around a casanova -> adapted into a stage play for a franchise that only has male characters -> all of the roles are played by actresses

this kasen uses his hands while talking and its such an extrovert trait its throwing me off lol.

gyoukan: between the lines of the text vs honpen: main story. so gyoukan is the designated period where the people behind the roles of the characters of genji monogatari retain their original sense of self, while during honpen they completely become the characters n forget their real selves. so koshosho no kimi (one of murasaki shikubu's close friends) is the antagonistic empress mother of the tale, kokiden no nyogo.

hmmm i wonder what the mechanism that determines the turnover of gyoukan/honpen is. the touken danshi arrive in heian-kyo, and find the entire era under control of this dichotomous influence, but how did the hra even manage to pull off smth on this scale? and why even give leeway to the touken danshi to break this process by keeping the gyoukan as a loophole?

but actually id say gyoukan serves its purpose in expanding upon the finer aspects behind the work and working it into the narrative.

so murasaki shikibu's caught on to the fact that the novel's story should be destroyed to stop this historical aberration and passes the book onto koshosho no kimi's keeping and thats why shes been resisting the forced characterization even tho its honpen rn

they made rokujou no miyasudokoro an ONMYOJI

koshosho hands three books to kasen. im glad they kept this little detail bc in fact genji monogatari is divided into three parts: the first two deal with the life of Genji and the last w two of Genji's prominent descendants, niou no miya and kaoru. theres much academic contention abt how much of the later chapters murasaki shikibu herself wrote, whether there were supposed to be more chapters, all the complications added from the fact that no original text exists etc etc but sute's understandably not involving itself w all that.

how come rokujou Knows shes in a story,,,,

like what is the criteria for someone to be aware theyre an actor

norimune's so Pretty its like hes a statue in a display case made to be revered . the curves of your lips rewrite history etc

kasen literally has sparkles in his eyes when talking abt how genji is a tale of love + how his prev master was one who lived alongside love and nansen paws him and says 'you bring up your former master everytime' wwww

norimune and himetsuru whispering to each other behind norimunes fan is,. literally the peak sexy use of a fan

apparently hosokawa yuusai used to be regarded as an authority on genji .... and thats why kasen is so passionate in his explanation of it. what a nerd (affectionate)

nansen being disgusted by the fact that genjis #1 love was a woman that resembled his mother . girl it gets worse hang on tight

make way for the hottest most haunting fucking part of this sute (starts reciting th names of all 54 chapters) boy am i glad i read all the chapters guden covers

honpen time....utsusemi's chapter. really fun that they included the snippy remarks towards genjis lecherous insistence and nansen's tsukkomi to genji flattering himself. this man keeps getting more and more disgusted by genjis actions towards women its so funny

yeah they did the sex.

the poem that earns utsusemi her name in genji monogatari (just gonna shorten that to GM from now on) is: 'underneath this tree, where the molting cicada shed her empty shell / my longing still goes to her, for all i know her to be' referring to the kimono she leaves behind while escaping him. but the poem kasen recites is 'just as drops of dew settle on cicada wings, concealed in this tree / secretly, oh secretly, these sleeves are wet with my tears' which is actually utsusemi's own reply to genjis aforementioned poem in GM.

RARE kasen boke moment. at least he realized he shouldnt make utsusemi accept genjis advances for the sake of distorting GM's plot bc that would be against her wishes. consent > tentatively correcting history. rare W there. genji could never.

interesting moral conflict here...norimune and choumou would rather cut down petty things like consent for the greater good of protecting history.

ookurikara went on a solo mission to confront genji while the rest (all 5 of them) go witness utsusemis chapter. so their plan mutsve been to break apart the story by either distorting the women's part of the story, or killing genji himself. what kind of insane confidence did kasen have to let kara go on his own to kill genji lol. also whats with the uneven team distribution....

ookurikara smack cam😔😔

genji cant die bc it isnt his time to die, as per GM. so he has infinite revival and plot protection to back him up

ironic that genji calls kara dekuningyou/ wooden puppet as an insult for a hollow and manipulated being bc at the end of the day isnt he also supposed to be bound by the story thats woven around him? yeah hes gained sentience now, but originally he existed inside the fourth wall, just like originally touken danshi used to be metal. but then again, this role-reversal has been brought about precisely so that his story will be recorded as reality, as his own actions, and that would make him better than sword puppets who will always be invisible and obedient toward the saniwa.

kasen: thank you for your hard work, i appreciate it ^^

kara: im not ur errand boy

kasen: ya thats why i expressed my gratitude (classist nod)

no one perfectly knows what the creator intended save for the creator themself, so only murasaki shikibu can know the contents of kumogakure, and she alone will be able to kill him.

thats the 'lack' in GM which leaves the death subject to interpretation. what genjis last moments are like, who he was surrounded by, etc etc will never be known to us. but since theres no description of his death, in what manner will he die....

for the love of god theyre SOOOO. (not meant in a shippy way tbc)

rokujou's actress is so good. thats a fucking villain alright.

hmm when the characters place blame on murasaki shikibu for making them the way they are, theyre also discounting the coherence and agency of the tale that has its roots in courtly affairs

with sentience also comes the indispensable fourth wall . and the newfound denial of free will.

chilllllls when genji wraps the manuscript around kasen as the newly formed genji.

"a tWeLvE LAyErEd KiMiNo woNt SuiT yOU" BET

ughfjdhjsdhvjksnj aoi no ue's baby fjkdsnfkjsdnvjkdsbnfjbwkjfnrkjfnekfnjewbfskdfnrkfnuejfnskjfnjsefnefkjbejkfn this scene is so kfjsndjfkjdnjvkbfgjbdfvnwsedrftgybhnjkmnhbgfrdecfvgbhjbgfdsrxcgvhbjnkmjhuygtfrdtfwghdvbcehefbiuwgnuwifn 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 FUCK😭😭😭😭😭😭KASEN AS GENJI HOLDING HIS BABY 😭😭😭😭😭

BECAUSE THATS SOMETHING NO TOUKEN DANSHI WILL EVER GET TO EXPERIENCE IT MAKES ME A LITTLE INSANE

hes a father....like an Actual Biological father......

ok but that doesnt happen in GM like in no shape or form do they share a happy-married-couple-cradling-their-child moment like that but also i am not complaining

youve got to fucking wonder when aoi says "resembling hikaru-gimi, how beautiful you are!" to her baby is it resembling kasen. Like does she mean the abstract concept of beauty that is general rather than particular or does it have purple hair blue eyes etc. sorry

ach whys sanchoumou spouting nikkaris battle lines. and norimune's saying kogarasumaru's and hime's doing hasebe's

actually i really like this. the government's actually outdone itself . using the power of anecdotes of swords and attaching them to unrelated swords to make them stronger...well ofc the expected end result is for mkzk and to sort out the number he's done on the timeline, but this is still! so! delightfully fucked up!! the end result of increased power takes precedence over individual stories!!! the ichimonji themselves dont seem to mind the fact they might just be an experimental citadel after all .

does that mean that kasen having gracia as master wouldve made him stronger than if he was regular old kasen w tadaoki ..? and ookurikara being stronger without the date attachment ..? but they still do retain their original characteristics. except that kasen is not as intense. <-idk if thats just the way kaichan interprets him or it's intentional writing

hello ms murasaki shikibu finally. fitting that the author takes the role of she who is forever out of genjis reach, and the person playing genji is an avid GM fan thats willing to doom history as we know it to save the author. get you a man like that etc etc<- NOT.

its so very sad that genji has to find a replacement for fujitsubo in a child of all places.

'Because it's from zuka and the cast is all female, the harshness is alleviated, and because it's a female cast, the hellishness of the women who live the story as reality stands out' <- someone i follow on twt said this and its so so true

ive read a bit of murasaki shikibus diary + the context of it and the reason why people were so dissuasive of murasaki was bc she was keen on pursuing the chinese texts and those were, as a rule, male territory. while men concerned themselves w chinese characters, women wrote in kana, and . that is why the big fabric of script they use in guden has only kana on it !! bc its a tale by a women for women. 'The Tale of Genji’s readership too has been naturalized female, at times discussed as if women were the exclusive audience of the tale, not least because by Murasaki’s time in the Heian period fictional tales had long been identified as a generic category for women.' (x)

lmfaoo suetsumuhana's actress-courtier saying she didnt like sei shonagon's makura no soushi as much as shikibu's GM (<- context is that shonagon served the empress teishi and was the literary jewel of her entourage while shikibu was empress soshi's. shikibu had some not-so-polite words to say abt shonagon in her diary w)

rattles cage DEATH OF THE AUTHOR DEATH OF THE AUTHORRR

perhaps soshi asking shikibu abt why she decided to write a tale of 'man and woman' is the only instance she was asked abt her intentions behind it

i like shikibus answer actually. it doesnt advocate for separatism of the 'man' and 'woman' binary, but shelters the motivations and flaws of characters under the umbrella of simply 'people'. ofc the book is a criticism of male whims and ofc guden does take it that way, but the motivations and fates of all characters cannot be put solely in the neat category of 'due to gender', bc in the end even the characters and ofc shikibu herself realize that this is how the wider society has molded them to be. so, it is 'a tale of people'

thatd mean touken danshi are outsiders with no relation or stakes in the tale, they are neither women who have loved/endured affairs, nor are they men that whimsically toy around in love. they are there to voice (ours, the audience's) morality.

so the logic used by th Nobody is: waka and poems are permissible bc they r expressions of the heart, but not prose that contains fiction, which is why writers like izumi shikibu and sei shonagon will be spared while murasaki shikibu will fall into hell. all out of respect for buddhist precepts. (mental note to translate shiotsuki shu's blog entry soon)

and making the lie that is GM into reality/truth will absolve shikibu of her sins

just realized...didn't Ishiyama temple become a sort of tourist spot for allegedly being the spot where GM was completed? Ironic how such a 'heretical' piece of work could come into being in the house of god.

really good stuff in this paper

seeing how protests only arose from the 12th century on and there arent any surviving records of such criticism from the time shikibu wrote , im inclined to think that maybe the unnamed man that confronts shikibu is literally some rando guy from the latter centuries that got picked up by the HRA, from when the availability of printed books led to GM being way more accessible . bc come to think of it - its highly unlikely shikibu would Not know a courtier, the only class that was in the know abt GM. but then again, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, so maybe putting that 'nobody' there as a placeholder male aristocrat is so he can serve as vehicle for the problems that arise when fiction is come across by those who were unintended as target readers in the first place, in this case, men.

also its sort of ironic how the guy (the nobody) is overly concerned with the metaphysical fate of shikibu while the flow of history has proved agin and again that she remained not only an author that was respected and idealized, but also a historian that was treated as a valuable source on heian noble etiquette. typical patriarchal delusion stemming from misplaced concern.

well either way, whether all this is true or not, its p clear that there have been exaggerations and unproved myths surrounding shikibu and GM all along, whether be for or against, so should another lie really make any difference in the grand scheme of things?

'....aren't we also a big lie? what a sinful existence are touken danshi' norimunes fucking line deliveryyyy

i bet real genji made quick work of koremitsu during gyoukan to appear in front of genji!kasen as koremitsu himself lol

ah the ave maria from kiden

when the fuck did they discover they can travel to diff chapters by flipping pages ???????? itd be funny if kasen just realised that spur of the moment

fitting that empress soshi mentions chuang tzu's 'butterfly who dreams' analogy to describe their situation bc historically, she was so interested in chinese lit that she studied it under shikibu's guidance

wait so this has strayed far enough from reality that the intention has transformed this genji monogatari re-enactment into a genji kuyo? oh this FUCKS

norimune's old man laughter >>>>> mkzk's old man laughter

'the only actual person here is that man playing genji?!' theyre in platos cave. theyre all in platos cave. we were all in platos cave until now. we were all butterflies dreaming we're humans.

its the fact that everything was truly black and white until now history was history and GM was a story that was well liked until some guy came along, threw everything into chaos, managed to mix up actual existences with falsified ones, gave rise to incoherence in the story due to the existence of multiple genjis at the same time, with the sole hope that in the future some people would dig up his bones and recognize GM as a true story, but the only way to stop this contradiction is itself a contradiction: killing the main genji in kumogakure would indeed lift the altered existence of heian-kyo, but it would also accomplish his death which was what he hoped for in the first place. is this really then a plot with no holes?

good lord but that is quite a nose on suetsumuhana. it looks like...something else entirely. not gonna say what

wakey wakey @ ookurikara. congrats to date masamune for appearing in three difftypes of stage adaptations

ive said it already but its so striking how different the types of scenes we're shown of kasen as genji and kara as genji are. kasen's always romancing and getting the best scenes while kara isnt shown romancing at all

norimune is a beaut x100

GOD himes fight sequence w all the wings flapping sfx and the twirling is so elegant ..... what was that HRA formation tho lol they were just being goofy

did i mention norimune is so mesmerizing everytime she's onstage . the sex appeal is off the charts like genuinely

i keep forgetting its a woman in ookurikaras role bc she looks so cool.

I will literally never get tired of the sute trope of having kasen's fight sequences the last w dramatic music precluding his appearance onstage and him spreading his arms wide and going ware koso wa nosada ga hitofuri, kasen kanesada nari! and then wrecking shit up (god there r so many similarities between this fight and kidens hissatsu fight)

shut upppp shut up the kuyou spotlight circling the kikyou spotlight as he realizes his true story >!>!!>I!UH@*#$%^&*(struggles to breathe

final form genji looks like hes stepped out a wuxia novel. jun wu vibes fr

yayyy final fight

i think so far in the entire play norimune's had her stomach slashed in the same place thrice

i like how they include little waltz (?) dance steps into hime's fight choreo

CHILLS as norimune says theyre not the ones who'll kill genji and then all the women walk on stage

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

🔪⁉️

uhhhhhhh

-_-

the honpen retains its influence on them....ofc they wont be the ones to kill genji. that would be incoherent with the storyline . what do you call it when the characters drawn by a woman for women are in the end too crippled by love to kill the source of their suffering? .... someone who is until the end mean in his love....

after rewinding multiple times......yes wakamurasaki does stick the knife into herself . the thrust overlaps w kasen pushing his sword into genji + lights go off so its jus t silhouettes

ah

its so fitting that genji dies right after wakamurasaki here since kumogakure follows right after maboroshi (the chapter in GM where wakamurasaki dies)

whats a little homoerotic cheek cupping between enemies...heh

we cannot leave heiankyo in any media without mentioning shuten douji ofc

kasen................why . how do you justify that

they let th HRA fucken run off w genjis dead body like bro. BRO I AM SHAKIGN YOU SO HARD . HIS CORPSE WAS RIGHT THERE HOW COME NOBODY THOUGHT OF HOLDING ON TO IT TO YKNOW, ACCOMPLISH THE MISSION THEY CAME HERE FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE .

AND DNA TESTING EXISTS????????????? COULDNT THE GUY'S BONES BE TESTED AND THEREFORE PROVED NOT TO BE GENJI BC HIS GENE POOL WOULD NOT MATCH THAT OF THE PREVIOUS IMPERIAL LINE OR SMTH. I DOUBT THE HRA METICULOUSLY PROGRAMMED THE STORY TO MAGICALLY ALTER THE GENETIC MAKEUP OF THE GUY

kasen says its alright bc itll be imperceptible but. no ? if GM is proved to be real it won't be the first fictional novel discovered anymore??? that's a Big thing

nyan's silliness is so refreshing after That

what. was that contradiction. why . what was the neeeed for a flimsy ending like that. just to secure their citadel's destruction? semt-san i know youre better than thisss i know you can write a complicated ending to your complicated premise but this really wasnt it

'even though you might be broken, gozen sure is carefree' lets just carry on like normal after saying that yeah

hime saw kasen stuck in platos cave slowly realizing he should turn around and said no we hold on to the illusion that everythign right in frotn of us is reality. harsh ? maybe, but it coheres. the ichimonji are after all government tools.

hell is other people hell is us . theres so much potential here for sequels of zukatousute, esp since they brought up og tousute's manba and mkzk. feels cruel to leave that honmaru hanging.

curtain call now

shu is so cute she talked abt how she was out of letter sets so she couldnt send her honmaru's nansen for his kiwame

sayato sumiki saying she'll feel #gudenloss

noooooo maomao is so close to tears ;-; but also WOW the gap moe

so ayana's voice is so much higher than what she uses for norimune... i could listen to her for hours ….. heart is taking -1000 dmg

zachouuuuuuuuuuu aaaaaaaaa. [mimes closing a book] "i believe its time to close this story." *someone from the cast whispering "kawaii!"*

all in all, i think the genji monogatari + jinbutsu storyline was pretty solid and did make for a gripping plot but the ending that the touken danshi chose troubles me to no end......ideally kara wouldve snatched genjis corpse and theyd have given him a proper cremation and theyd have pondered the same things they do after the hra take away genji

or what would also have been fun is kasen and kara realizing their altered stories were due to the government's tampering and thus letting go of genji was a conscious decision between two of them setting up for a nice kurikase / ichimonji-seifu dichotomy where they chose to remain true to themselves while the ichimonji willingly give their stories up and resign themselves to being mere tools

......plus the fact that none of them ever mentioned smth like hope to see you in another sute work! in the curtain call...........aaaa it's too sad

[euphoricfilter]

Devil That I Know (Part 4)

~ At the end of the crossroad

Pairing: Demon! Jungkook x Human! Reader

Genre: (Inaccurate) Historical AU || Strangers to lovers AU || Supernatural AU || Smut || Fluff || Angst

Summary: Picking which road to go down is easy when you think about how alone you would be without Jungkook, even if he hadn't been the most honest with you from the start.

Word count: 9k

Tags/ warnings: angst, fluffy-ish, minor mention of blood, self deprecation, more lying, soft yandere kook, mentions of murder/ killing, definitely probably an unhealthy relationship, too much talking about dates it's slightly confusing me thinks that is all

Notes: after a two month hiatus i have returned to my favorite child, i don’t really have an excuse except i’m ass at multitasking and shouldn’t have started a second series basically right after starting this one, so i recommend maybe going back and re-reading the last chapter like i had to unless you have sexy good memory

my full masterlist

series masterlist

part 5

+++

(Year 1865)

“Are you still mad?”

“Of course I’m mad Jungkook” you look at him in disbelief, “What if they had been thorough in their search? What if they found out you were the one who killed that man? Are you stupid?”

Jungkook swallows thickly, bottom lip jutting out into a pout as you berate him. He was more upset that you seemed genuinely angry with him that the possible consequences of getting caught because he couldn’t keep his anger in line. It wasn’t his fault the seedy old man had touched you without consent, what was he meant to do?  Let the man go? That would go against all his morals and values.

“I told you it wasn’t me” he gently grabs your hands, his thumbs running over your palms. He looks down, eyebrows furrowing as a sad pout moulds onto his face, surely you couldn’t be angry at him when he looked so upset!

You look at him with a deadpan look, pulling your hands from his own. Because even if Jeon Jungkook looked like a kicked puppy, you weren’t about to forget the crime he had committed. And you would make it clear that if you were carry on knowing each other then he wasn’t allowed to go around killing men or women. Or anyone for that matter whatever they identified as. No killing.

By some miracle you’d made it out of the village without any other issues; you’d been so scared when you’d been stopped at the gate, convinced your life was truly over when it had hardly even begun. Turns out the men couldn’t care less about the murder, forced into the job last minute by the head of the village because no one had volunteered, simply asking the three of you to step away from the wagon so they could take a look for anything suspicious.

It seemed the man who had harassed you hadn’t been liked by many, the chief of the village only going ahead with protocol to appease his higher up in the capital so he himself wouldn’t be arrested.

They hadn’t even looked into any bags, their eyes skimming over what you were carrying, mindless hums passing through their lips as they prodded a bag or two, giving the three of you a curt nod and wishing you luck on your travels.

You’d thanked them, not missing the way their eyes had lingered at your chest as you climbed back into the back of the wagon; and it took all your will power not to kick them where the sun doesn’t shine. Namjoon seemed to share your anxiety, the way his shoulders had stayed tense until you were far enough from the village a clear sign, he had shared your sentiment. Only relaxing slightly once far enough to be considered safe.

You didn’t blame him. Felt a little sorry if anything.

It wasn’t every day that you have to travel with two complete strangers. One a four-armed demon who had arguably (definitely had) twisted morals, who was stubborn beyond belief sometimes and a foreigner who may still be wanted dead by the royal family because they believed you were a spy. (Something you will soon find out is a law that was demolished 6 years ago along with the fact there was a new king)

“Now you must think I’m stupid” you shake your head, “what other demon would have been in that small village?”

“Probably a lot” Jungkook argues, “I’m not the only demon and you know that”

You release a heavy sigh, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of your nose, “No killing people, okay? It’s not right”

“I would never” Jungkook says, lie easily slipping through his cushiony lips. Anything to appease you.

You make eye contact with him, searching for something behind his onyx eyes, only to find nothing. He didn’t seem to be lying, Jungkook had no reason to lie to you. Maybe it was a little naïve of you to believe that Jungkook could do no wrong; maybe you were biased because he’d only ever shown you kindness. He treated you as an equal, not some house maid that had to cook and clean all day, nothing more than a tool for him to boss around to feed into some fucked up superiority complex. You’d liked to believe Jungkook was as honest with you as you are with him, and it felt easy to read him, like he wore his heart on his sleeve and if he were to ever lie, you’d know.

“Okay, I believe you” you whisper, heartrate picking up as he smiles down at you so brightly. How could someone so kind kill a man? Sure, he threatened Namjoon here and there but you saw where your demon friend was coming from, the world was a shitty place and not everyone can be trusted.

Namjoon clearing his throat catches your attention, “We’re almost at the capital” he informs.

You look up at the sky, full moon hanging high above the three of you, illuminating the path for Namjoon as he meanders down the dirt road towards the large gates of the capital.

You peek over the walls of the wagon, lips quirking into an excited smile as you catch the faint silhouette of a few high-rise buildings. It was hard to see in the silver glow of the moonlight, but you imagine it looked exactly how Taehyung had described it in his notebook. Tomorrow you’d have to take a look over his notes again and plan out how you’d spend the next three days here with Jungkook.

You turn your head to look at said demon as he snakes his arm over your shoulders, his eyes trained on the path ahead, his own smile quirking onto his lips.

“If it looks this beautiful in the moonlight it must be ethereal during the day” you tell him, smile widening when he turns his head to look at you.

Your eyes close briefly when he leans forwards, a gentle kiss being pressed between your eyebrows.

“Yes, but nothing will ever match your beauty” he murmurs against your skin, your eyebrows furrowing at the ticklish feeling.  

You let out an unattractive scoff, pushing his arm from your shoulder as you sit back down, view of the capital being obscured by the walls of the wagon. Jungkook sits back too, a knowing smile on his face as he starts packing up both of your things into his backpack.

He just adored how shy you could be something, and he didn’t mind playing your little games if it meant he could see the strawberry pink flush of your cheeks, illuminated by the silver moonlight.

Jungkook wishes he could engrave this moment into his mind. You always had looked like a fairy in the cool glow beneath the moon, so undeniably beautiful he wanted to keep you all to himself. No one in this world deserving enough to see you looking so delicate, no one but himself. He find it hard to keep his hands to himself, wanting to caress your soft skin, kiss every inch of your body until you understand its beauty, maybe leave a love bite or two so you’ll remember him even when not together. He wonders if you’d trace the sensitive skin, pressing on it just to feel the dull ache, or if you would leave them out in the open for anyone else to see; a sign that you’re taken.

The rest of the night went by in a blur, entering the capital was easier than you had initially assumed it to be, you believe because it was so late into the night the guards were laxer than they would be during the day. It didn’t seem to be common for visitors to arrive so late, the three of you the only ones waiting for the gate to be opened, what lay beyond the walls silent, everyone having gone to bed or closed their shops until sunrise.

A guard had recognised Namjoon, more than happy to hurry up the process of getting you into a decent inn so you wouldn’t have to camp out in the wagon until morning; understanding your backs must ache and eye weary from a long day of travel.

The woman at the front of the inn was more than happy to house the three of you for the next few days, a beautiful smile on her face as she handed Namjoon and Jungkook a key. She’d then turned to you, assuring you that you were more than welcome to come and sit in the bar area downstairs and embroider with her during the day, she was having trouble with a project and would be extremely happy if you were to help out at some point.

You’d eagerly nodded, smile so wide your cheeks had started to hurt. No one had ever wanted you to help them with their embroidery before!

She reminded you of the mother you’d never had, something so soft and warm about her that you couldn’t help but say yes to everything she was saying. You’d have to sit with her at breakfast and ask her what the capital was really like, and maybe she could even look through Taehyung’s diary with you and make a plan to make the most of your three days in the capital.

“Good night” you wave to Namjoon as he unlocks the door to his own room adjacent from yours and Jungkook’s.

Namjoon waves back, dimpled smile making a brief appearance before he scuttles back into his room, door being locked from the inside.

Jungkook pulls out a pair of pyjamas for you to wear, throwing them onto the bed as you flop onto the mattress.

“Get changed before you sleep, pretty” he reminds you, smiling when you reply, muffled by your head being stuffed into the layers of silky blankets on the bed. Though he assumes it must be something along the lines of ‘can’t be bothered’ to ‘in a minute, kook’

He rummages through his bag, trying to find his own sleep clothes (he liked to pretend to sleep beside you even if his body didn’t need it like yours did, something so blissfully domestic about laying beside you, your calm breath a beautiful symphony in the dead of night), however his focus is trained on you. The slow raise and fall of your body as you just lay there, unmoving, exhausted.

He tuts, abandoning his task as he pushes himself up from the floor, sauntering over towards you with purpose in his steps.

You let out a surprised squeak when his first pair of arms snakes around your waist, easily lifting you to sit up.

“Come on” he encourages, one of his arms stretching to grab your discarded clothes, placing them in your lap.

“But ‘m sleepy kookie” you whine, falling back onto the mattress with a dramatic sigh.

Jungkook, amused, lifts you up again, this time by pulling you up from under your arms, like one would a baby. And maybe you were his baby, the most precious little thing in his life. Truthfully, he doesn’t mind moment like this, adores them actually. Each time you rely on him, he can prove to you that he is good enough to provide for you, and he can only hope that with small moments like these you were slowly falling in love with him. He knows you’d never love him as much as he loved you, that was impossible! No one could love anything as much as he absolutely worships your very being, but he believes one day you’ll love him. He believes you already do, why else would you have stuck around for so long? He just knows you’re a little shy and being the considerate person that he is, he’ll wait a little longer before he tells you his master plan. Surely you’d be thrilled.

The perfect plan to keep the two of you together for the rest of time. Even thinking about it makes his cheeks burn, dusted a light pink, like the sunsets that you like to watch each evening while he reads you passages of his favourite books, maybe even feeding you a slice of fruit between pages just to make sure you’re not hungry before bed.

You don’t complain as he easily slips your shirt from your head, sighing in bliss as he kisses your bare shoulders before helping you put one of your sleep shirts on. He does the same with your pants, placing a feather light kiss to your ankle as he helps you change. Fingers skimming your pretty skin, he has to stop himself more than once from running his tongue along the expanse of it, wanting to relish the feeling of you in as many ways possible.

Once done, he leaves you to flop back on the bed, reminding him of a sleepy floppy bunny, as he lifts a few of the blankets, before lifting you to tuck you into bed; something had seemed to be a routine at this point. He wouldn’t be able to count on his four hands the number of times he’d been able to tuck you into his bed, safe from the world, if only for a night.

“Thank you” you whisper, voice laced with sleep.

Jungkook brushes your hair from your face, deftly tucking it behind your ears.

“Anything for you” he whispers back, a fond smile on his face.

He waits until you’re asleep, carefully slipping from the bed, trying his best not to wake you because he knew you were a light sleeper. Rummaging through his bag he bites his lip as he pulls a map from one of the pockets. Trying his best to stay silent, as unrolls the paper, humming to himself as he scans the map, finger tracing the library he needed to visit. He wondered if books were more expensive in the capital, Taehyung would usually collect the ones he wanted, and it was easier to give his friend a few coins each month and whatever was left, Taehyung could keep. Jungkook never had much care for money anyways.  

He nods in thought, turning towards the bag once more, praying to the devil down below that he had enough for the specific book he wanted, no… needed.

He rummages around until he finds the small pouch of money. Opening the drawer strings, he cringes at how much the two of you had left. Saving had started to get harder over the last few years. After the new king had risen to power and demons had become public enemy number one, the villagers hadn’t been as generous with putting their coins into shrines.

And Jungkook was now facing the consequences.

His whole life he had relied on the money humans would leave at his shrine, it was easy to live off, even after you’d started living with himself and Taehyung, the donations were generous enough he never had to worry about money for food, clothes or books, but looking now, money was starting to become an issue.

He wouldn’t tell you this of course. He couldn’t have you worrying, he couldn’t let your pretty little head come up with a stupid idea (like leaving him), just because the two of you had to be a little frugal with your money until he figured out a way to earn a decent living once again.

Maybe he could sell Taehyung’s art, it wouldn’t sell for a lot, Taehyung was by no means a well-respected painter, that is why he had struggled for years before he’d met Jungkook. But that didn’t mean his art was worthless, they would have to at least sell for a couple of pennies a piece.

Jungkook thinks you wouldn’t be happy if he were to sell Taehyung’s art. You adored it, having spent hours a day letting Taehyung teach you the basics of painting, and after finally getting a glimpse at his art, you’d stay hauled up in Taehyung’s room, connecting with him through his artwork even if he wasn’t physically with you anymore. You’d be crushed if any of the pieces were to disappear.

Maybe he could take a few of the smaller pieces? The ones you wouldn’t notice went missing, he just needed a way to earn a few extra coins. The last thing he needed was for you to starve. Or even worse, you to leave him because he can’t provide for the two of you. And if you were to find out, he could jut out his bottom lip, maybe even shed a tear or two until you forgave him, he’s sure you’d understand his struggle if he cried a little.

+++

Namjoon was suspicious.

He’d been thinking for a few days, ever since he’d spoken to you at the beach about the village in-front of the mountains and how you’d met Jungkook. It all seemed… off. Nothing was falling into place. Odd pieces of the puzzle that didn’t connect, or worse, that one puzzle piece that goes missing, impossible to find and so the picture will remain incomplete. Forever.

He had considered asking you a few more things about Jungkook but decided against it. Not only was Jungkook constantly glued to your side, the few times he strayed away from the two of you, he seemed to be lurking close by enough to be able to listen to your conversations. So, asking you was out of the question. For now.

And from what he had seen, you probably weren’t the best person to ask about the demon.

Sure, you lived with him, probably knew a lot more than you were letting on but either the demon was threatening you to not say anything, or you genuinely didn’t know all that much. Both seemed just as likely. Namjoon had been on the receiving end of Jungkook’s threats more than a few times during this trip and knew how scary he could be, but Jungkook was also extremely secretive. Like how he clearly didn’t want you know about what happened in the village 6 years ago.

Namjoon was also suspicious of the fact that you seemed to have forgotten a lot of what happened in your life over the last few months. By no means was he a doctor, he’d given up on that dream long ago, but nothing made sense. You seemed so confused, genuinely asking him for help, and no matter how hard he tried to think of ways your memories had disappeared, the conclusion always led back to Jungkook. Suspicious Jungkook who definitely had a few too many secrets.

And so, Namjoon had the bright idea to follow the demon to wherever he may be going instead of interrogating you back at the inn while you had breakfast with the nice front desk lady.

It wasn’t all that surprising when Jungkook walks into a library, the demon always had a book in his hands. And with how much he read, Namjoon wasn’t all that surprised he needed a new book so soon into the trip.

What alarmed Namjoon was the location of the library, hidden in the dark crevices of an alley way on the outskirts of the capital. A place you’d have to have known prior to the trip happening, either having visited this location before, or someone who knew of it telling him before the trip had begun. It was in too much of an obscure place to be any old library.

Namjoon waits for Jungkook to enter the building, his foot tapping against the cobblestone path for what felt like a minute before he decides that he should just go in.

It looked like any other library, shelves stacked up to the ceiling, books organised by category, clearly labelled with large wooden signs, hung on the end of each shelf. The young boy behind the front desk hadn’t bothered to look up at from his own book as Namjoon wanders inside. (If he had, Namjoon would have seen the third eye the boy had)

It’s fairly easy to spot Jungkook even among the tall bookshelves with his broad back and slightly suspicious looking navy cloak, Namjoon tries his best to stay a fair amount of distance between the two of them. He wondered how good Jungkook’s senses must be as a demon and the last thing he wanted right now was to get caught. That would be the end of him, and he promised his mother he would be home within a week.

The village boy slips to hide behind a nearby shelf once Jungkook stands down one of the isles, fingers lightly skimming over the spines of a few books. He peeks up at the wooden sign, checking what sort of book Jungkook could be looking for.

His eyebrows furrow. ‘Conversion theory’

In all his times spent at libraries he’d never seen that genre of book. And Namjoon, although his friends back at the village make fun of him, quite likes to read. He had taught himself how to, never having had gone and learnt from a scholar, but he liked to live the lives of other through the pages.

He himself was trapped in his mundane life on the farm, nothing more going for him. But he could adventure the globe through a book, learn the history of his land, picture what life beyond the vast sea must be like, and so much more, just from paper and ink.

He takes a look at another shelf, gulping when he reads the sign.

‘Demonic entities’

Namjoon has to slap a hand over his mouth as he looks around, finally taking a look at the library properly; completely forgetting he was here to see what Jungkook could be trying to find.

Mixed among the humans were other beings, just like Jungkook.

+++

You watch Jungkook shove an unfamiliar book into the backpack, “You bought a new book?” you ask absentmindedly, more focused on brushing the knots out of your wet hair. You felt like a brand-new person, freshly washed, smelling a little less like dried blood and sweat after the incident from the day before.

You’d washed your hands at the previous inn, but the stench of blood had lingered, even then you don’t know if that was your mind playing tricks on you. The wound still fresh as you think back on the good times with your pretty kitty.  

You wondered if you were okay, feeling so numb to the fact that another companion of yours had died. That was the third one in under two years. You thought you would have cried more, wanting to lock yourself away from everyone else a wallow in self-pity until your head hurts and your skin is dry from the salty tears. But you felt the opposite, wanting to finally go out and explore. Maybe you were a shitty person for moving on so fast, but maybe it was for the better. Or maybe that was a smaller part of you trying to convince yourself it was all okay when in reality it really wasn’t.

You could only hope that your cat would have a better life when reborn. That would be enough to let you sleep peacefully at night.

Jungkook hums, “Something about the history of this land”

You nod, never having been fond of history. It felt a little a little unconventional, why would you focus so much on what has already happened when you have the whole future to look forward to?

“I was thinking we could go out for lunch; I saw a nice place on my walk this morning” Jungkook turns towards you, happy with how far down he’d been able to stuff his book into the bag.

He doubted you’d ever rummage through his stuff, seeming more content with him riffling through the bag to get clean clothes or a snack. But better to safe than sorry. Especially since it was becoming evident you could read now; he would hate for his plans to be ruined because he was kind enough to share his knowledge with you.

“Sure” you reply, handing him the hairbrush to be put back neatly into the bag.

Jungkook was right, the small building the two of you had entered was more than nice. It even had two floors! (The owner explaining it had been inspired by building from the countries overseas who had places to eat with more than the ground floor like the hanoks) The outside was lined with small flowers, vines clinging to the walls, climbing their way up to the balconies above the ground floor.

You don’t ask when Jungkook requests the private balcony area on the second floor, assuming it was so the two of you could eat comfortably without worrying someone would try and hand you into the royal family or freaking out because Jungkook had four arms.

You watch the bustling streets, watching some kids play a game you weren’t familiar with, a few stealing loose fruits from crates, giggling as a few elderly people chase after them.

You wonder if that is what a real childhood looked like. All the children in the capital seemed so happy, happy with their parents and siblings, happy with their lives. The perfect life you could only ever have dreamt of becoming a reality.

You wouldn’t say you were jealous. If you hadn’t left the home you’d grown up in, your life would have been completely different. Your friend would still be alive, maybe you would have married by now. His father wouldn’t have approved, but you supposed you could have run away together. If you’d run away would the outcome, be the same? Would he have died because he had married a spy? You suppose he wouldn’t have been safe either way.

Regret is a fickle thing. There have been so many moments in your recent life where you wish you could just go back and change what has happened. You wouldn’t care if the future was different, that is something the you of then would have figure out. Because the you of now wanted to go back and change all the times something had led to the death of someone you loved so dearly.

You would convince your friend to stay home, he wouldn’t have died a brutal death. You would tell Taehyung he shouldn’t go down to the village, you’d go alone because if you could survive the disease once you could do it again and then he would still be by your side. You’d have taken lil meow down with you to breakfast the other morning, that way you’d still have your furry companion.

You regret not knowing, which in hindsight sounds stupid because how were you meant to know all of these bad bad things would happen? And it was easy to feel sorry for yourself, and the small, selfish part of you thinks that you feeling sorry for yourself if justified. Because why were you still alive and they weren’t?

Maybe you regret being born, you didn’t really have much say in the matter, but maybe it would have been better if you hadn’t tried so hard all your life to stay alive. Fighting tooth and nail to survive in a world that clearly didn’t want or need you.

If you hadn’t been born you wouldn’t be a bad omen to those around you, and everyone you’ve ever loved wouldn’t be dead. Jungkook may have been a special case, born blessed as a being that is unable to die. And maybe that’s why you stayed, because no matter how unlucky you may be, Jungkook would never fall into the hands of death because of you.

If you hadn’t been selfish, childish, then the poor cat would still be alive. Roaming the mountains free of burden. If you hadn’t been selfish and wanted to spend just a few more moments with your friend you’re your childhood, he wouldn’t have suffered an unjustified death. If you hadn’t agreed to stay in the hanbok, then maybe Taehyung could have waited out the winter with what food you’d eaten, and neither of you would have contracted a disease. He would still be alive and happy, carefree as he carries on the same routine he had for years without you coming and interrupting his peaceful life with his friend.

“Y/n?” Jungkook calls you, tugging at the sleeves of your cloak to catch your attention.

Your eyes flit up to meet his own.

“Are you okay?”

You hum, waving him off with a quick smile. It was easy to smile while looking at Jungkook’s face. Maybe it was because you didn’t want him to worry, so a smile was easy, or maybe Jungkook just had that affect. Such a nice face that you have no other choice but to smile too brightly at him. Or maybe you smile because you don’t want him to ask too many questions that you yourself don’t know the answer to.

He watches you for a moment longer, trying to gauge if you were lying or not. But then he sees your eyes light up at the array of food laid out on the table before the two of you.

“You bought so much” you mutter in awe.

“Well, aren’t you going to eat?” he asks, nudging a pair of chopsticks into your hands.

You nod slowly, “I’m trying to engrave what it looks like into my mind”

Jungkook laughs, a fond smile on his face as he just watches you, “No need, we’ll just come back in a few months and eat here again” he tells you, easy smile on his face.

“Okay” you grin.

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow when you push yourself from the cushion on the floor, feet light as you skip your way over to his side of the table.

You lean down, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you for the food, Jungkookie” you smile.

Jungkook feels his heart stop, his fingers moving on their own as they wrap around your wrist.

Your head tilts in question, your breath hitching when he pulls on your wrist, so you’ve leant down once again.

You bite your lip to stop the big smile that threatened to pull onto your face when he presses a kiss onto the apple of your right cheek.

“You’re welcome, my lovely” he replies, motioning for you to go and sit down, “Now hurry and eat before the food gets cold”

“Yes sir” you mock salute, giggling when Jungkook rolls his eyes, tone teasing as he tells you to hurry up and sit down.

+++

You grip onto the sleeve of Jungkook’s cloak when a large group of people move in a clump down the narrow street.

You look up at Jungkook in confusion, ready to ask if he knew why so many people were moving in tandem, but your mouth clamps shut when you see the annoyed crease in his brows.

“Burn the demons!” a burly looking man shouts, the posse of people following him repeating his words with just as much enthusiasm.

Jungkook pulls you back into his chest when a new wave of civilians shove their way down the street, although their movements lack the mesmerising movements like the sea’s waves crashing against the shore, more shoulders bumping shoulders, the delicate crash of the waves replaced with grunts as they all bounce off one another.

“What’s going on?” you ask, voice raising in hopes that Jungkook would be able to hear you.

Either he does, or choses to ignore you as his fingers take a hold of your hand, dragging you into a narrow alley way beside the building the two of you had just had lunch in. You try and pull your hand from Jungkook’s fingers feeling as though they were going to snap with how tightly he was holding your hand.

“Jungkook what’s going on?” you ask, voice a little breathy as you try and catch up with Jungkook’s long strides.

The demon slows down a little, apologetic furrow of his brows as he watches you try and catch your breath, “They must be protesting” he mutters, and you simply nod.

“Against demons?” you ask, watching Jungkook release a long sigh.

“I should have told you” he turns towards you, “Not all demons are kind, my love. Some do bad things, and so they get punished” he explains, hoping the worry evident in his tone is enough to convince you of this white lie. It was technically half the truth, but you didn’t need to know the full problem, you losing your memories of what happened the night years back had already helped him move forwards in his plan.

As long as you believed it was the same year, where you were a wanted spy, and he was a harmless demon that was worshiped by all then everything would be okay. His plan would continue to run smoothly and then he could hold you in his arms without worrying about trivial human matters like death.

“Was there a bad demon here then?” you ask, worried you’d get caught in-between the conflict.

Jungkook nods, hand coming to rest on his chin as if in thought, “It seems so, we should head back to the inn for the rest of the day, just in case”  

“That’s probably a good idea” you agree.

Jungkook takes a step before stopping. You make a noise in the back of your throat in question, watching as he releases your hand, turning to face you as he rummages through the pockets of his cloak.

Your head tilts up to look into his eyes when he pulls what looks to be a small pocketknife from the confines of his cloak.

“What?” you ask when he thrusts it in your direction.

“Just in case something happens and I’m not there, you’ll be able to protect yourself” he leans down to take a hold of your right hand, placing the pocketknife into your palm.

Your left hand traces the intricate design of the handle, wood having been carved out into small delicate flowers, painted with so much care there were no smudges or random pieces of colour bleeding into one another. It truly was pretty, like nothing you’d ever seen before.

“Jungkook I—I can’t” you shake your head, not daring to sheath the actual blade.

“You know I’ll always be by your side to protect you, but just in case” he pushes your hand away when you try to give it back, “Please, I’ll be able to rest easy knowing that if anything were to happen to me, you’d at least be able to put up a fight”

You swallow, eyes flitting back down to the pocketknife before you look back at Jungkook. Even with the warm afternoon sun being obscured by the roofs of buildings, in the dingy alleyway that was nothing more than grey cobblestone, greened with moss and small weeds, Jungkook looked so pretty. He looked so calm, unlike how he had been moment ago in the street. You sometimes wonder if he had lied about being a demon, he looked nothing like the scary beings that old wives’ tales made them out to be. Maybe he truly fell from the sky, an angel sent to help guide you in life.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he scoffs, finger pushing at your forehead.

You sigh, “I was imagining what I could do with this thing” you dangle the offending weapon between your thumb and forefinger

Jungkook laughs at that, “You can’t kill a demon with a measly knife” he waves you off, easily slipping his fingers between your own as he pulls you out the alleyway.

“Then how am I meant to defend myself”

“That’s what I’m here for”

“But you just—”

Jungkook presses a finger against your lips, “I’ll always be there for you, but it never hurts to have a back-up plan”

+++

You’d been thinking for a few days about the conversation you’d had with Namjoon about the part of your life that you felt, had gone missing. Maybe you were paranoid, or just plain stupid. Or maybe you imagined the incident that happened in the village. Or you were overthinking everything. All seemed like possible answers but no matter how hard you try to remember, you can only ever think back to the moments before the rocks had been thrown at you, enamoured by how intricately made the wooden bunny was.

And then blank. You couldn’t recall anything after that. Like it never happened. Seeming swallowed into a blackhole, making no sign of ever returning.

You faintly remember a dream, but after the first day of waking up it had been pushed to the furthest corner of your mind, Taehyung’s death taking up most of your thoughts. And whenever you try and think back to it now, you can only seem to remember how fresh the air had felt, and the soft scratching of golden grass on the backs of your hands as you wandered into the horizon. The sky a bright blue that otherwise hurt your eyes, a dull pain in the back of your head that would return when you would think too hard about what may have happened in your dream.

Nothing adds up.

It had been winter the day you’d gone down to the village with Taehyung, you were sure of that, you remembered how soft the scarf was Taehyung had gifted you, a gift for your first winter spent with himself and Jungkook. And if what Jungkook had said was correct; that you’d been passed out for only a few weeks, then there was no way it should have been that far into the spring once you’d woken up. Flowers in full bloom, sun not shying behind the clouds throughout the day.

But why would Jungkook lie?

Your fingers gently brush over your cheek, contemplating whether it was possible for such a deep gash to heal in such a short amount of time, with no evidence left behind. No scar, no tender tissue or discoloration. You’d woken up like nothing had happened. Maybe that was common? But as a child such a deep wound would take months to fully heal.

He wouldn’t lie, would he?

You fall onto your back, mattress cushioning your fall. Your head turns towards the door of the inn room, Jungkook’s large backpack coming into view.

Maybe he kept a diary like Taehyung did?

Jungkook had gone out for a walk that morning, whispering to you while you battled between staying asleep or finally waking up, sun peeking in through the windows, encouraging you to peel your eyes open. You’d hummed and waved him off when he asked if you wanted to join him. And that was less than an hour ago.

He did say he would be gone for a few hours… that would leave you with more than enough time to quickly snoop through his bag and see if he was hiding anything.

You felt a little bad because you knew that looking through people’s stuff was wrong. Really wrong. And you think Jungkook would be disappointed if he ever found out you’d gone and peeped into the bag while he was gone. But, if you wanted to figure out the anomalies in your life, Jungkook may be the perfect place to start.

You don’t know what you would do if you ever found out he was actually lying to you, and that’s why you pause when your fingers make contact with the bag.

What would you do?

Maybe it’s better you never know.

Or maybe Jungkook had done nothing wrong, and you were being paranoid. What if he found out you’d gone through his stuff, and kicked you out of his home? Left you stranded, leaving you to fend for yourself. You both knew that was impossible, your best bet would be to hide in the forests, no one usually ventured into the woodland. Although, you doubted you’d be able to survive of wild berries alone, the thought of having to kill an animal making you feel squeamish.

Then what? You’re back to square one where you die alone, unwanted by another person?

You swallow.

But what if he never found out?  

What if he never found out and you got the answers you were looking for? It would be easy to put everything back in the backpack the way you’d taken it out, and it’s not like he would notice miniscule changes in the packing.

You look at the door, waiting to see if he would walk in. When he doesn’t, you turn back to the backpack, fingers deftly pulling the strings open.

You carefully remove the layer of folded clothes, placing them neatly beside you. Soap, hairbrush, sack of apples, more clothes, a map. (What you fail to notice is his ‘history’ book wasn’t in the confines of his bag, because who would need a book on history when you plan to buy supplies?)

Your shoulders slump forwards when you find nothing. No notebooks, no pieces of paper with anything written on them, nothing. You even look into the pockets, nothing.

With a defeated sigh, you start to pile everything back into the bag, only praying that you were putting them all back in the correct order and hadn’t messed up.

You tie the top of the bag, pushing yourself up off of the floor.

Deciding you’d take a break in your investigation, breakfast sounded really good right around now. So, you skip downstairs with Taehyung’s notebook secured under your arm.

“Morning!” the inn owner calls out to you, smiling as you plop yourself down at one of the bar stools.

“Good morning, do you have some ink and a quill?” you ask, thanking the woman when she tells you she’ll be right back.

Your legs swing back and forth as you wait, peering around the room.

“Do you know where Namjoon is?” you ask when she places the ink in-front of you.

“Said he was going to check on the horses, he already ate so I imagine he wouldn’t be back until lunch time” she replies.

You nod, opening a new page in Taehyung’s notebook.

You flip back one page, checking the latest date, making sure you had the year correct.

Taehyung’s latest entry had been November 1859, written the day before the two of you planned to visit the village. You didn’t read too much of what was written, respecting that it was Taehyung’s private thoughts, although from what you caught a glimpse of, it spoke of the things you both needed to buy in the village.

You supposed if it was already spring then it must be 1860, which further confuses you. Deciding to brush off the suffocating feeling that consumed your body, your tongue pokes out as you figure out exactly what you want to write.

 “1860? That was a while ago wasn’t it… I hadn’t even opened the inn yet. Do you plan to write a novel?” the inn owner asks you.

You look at her with wide eyes, “A while ago?” you ask, confusion heavy in your voice.

She nods, “Yes, I heard novels of recent history are popular these days, with the new king rising to power”

“What year is it now?”

“This year it would be 1865”  

“Right now? It’s 1865?”

She nods, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you start to flick through the pages of Taehyung’s diary.

“Are you okay dear?” she asks.

Your head shoots up to look into her eyes, “Yes!” you slam the notebook shut, “I’ll be back in a minute”

“But my—your breakfast!”

“I’ll come back for it” you call out to her as you sprint up the stairs, lungs squeezing for air as you push open the door to yours and Jungkook’s room.

You fall onto the bed, careful as you pull open Taehyung’s notebook once more.

When you said you had never lied to Jungkook, that was a lie in itself. You learning how to read and write so well was meant to be a surprise. You wanted to show Jungkook how quickly you’d progressed in both skills, how you’d practiced with Taehyung while doing chores, and sometimes you’d dream of studying certain characters that you found difficult.

You did plan to surprise him when you got back to the hanok, maybe by asking if you could read to him before bed, not the other way round.

You flick to Taehyung’s most recent entry once more.

[November 1859;

Tomorrow me and y/n]

Your eyes zero on your own name. That was definitely your name.

If you’d been with them in 1859, how was it currently 1865?

You knew you hadn’t had the best gauge of how much time you’d spent with them but basing it off the seasons it shouldn’t have been more than a year. It definitely hadn’t been a year since Taehyung died. If you’d woken up weeks after the incident, then Taehyung shouldn’t have been dead for more than a month.

Taehyung wouldn’t have written the date wring so many times, would he?

From the few times you’d been in his room it seemed he kept more than one notebook. When you’d first met him and asked what he would write down every other day or so, he had told you about his habit of writing. How he liked to document special moments in his life so he could go back and read about his past in years to come.

How likely was it that he had gotten the years wrong all this time?

Taehyung was quite a meticulous person, not the type of person to guess a date and go with it. He was particular about small details like that.

You chew on the nail of your thumb, but why would Jungkook lie?

Say it hadn’t been weeks, and it had actually been years.

How were you alive? Without food or water surely, you would have died. If it had been 6 years, then how come you hadn’t aged at all?

That would explain how the wounds you had gotten from the village boys would have fully healed, but nothing else made sense.

You slam Taehyung’s notebook shut when the room door opens. Your heartrate speeding up as Jungkook saunters into the room. You look at him with wide eyes, swallowing thickly as he roves his eyes over your body.

You see his eyes slightly narrow, as if trying to gauge what you were doing before he came into the room.

“What were you going?” he finally asks, eyes trained on the notebook tightly clasped by your fingers, his own tightening on the woven bag in his hands.

You stay silent for a moment, mind racing a mile a minute as you try to find a decent lie. Something believable enough that he wouldn’t ask any more questions, because your heart felt seconds away from beating right through your chest with how hard it was pounding against your ribcage.

“Jungkookie?” you eventually say, tone a little sweeter than usual.

He looks up at your face, head cocking to the side in question.

“I have a request”

“Only if you answer my question” he prods, clearly unsatisfied with turn of conversation.

“It is about that actually” you look down at your lap, fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt, “I was looking through Tae’s list, and he says the royal palace is really beautiful”

Jungkook is silent for a moment, and you keep your eyes trained in your lap, scared that if you were to look into his eyes, you would spill everything you had discovered within the last hour.

“Is that all?” he eventually asks, easy smile on his face; because you were just too adorable. Of course he would take you sight-seeing if that’s what you really wanted, nothing to be embarrassed about.

You nod, breathing a sigh of relief when he agrees.

“Let me just put this stuff away” he says, “Then we can leave”

You watch him pull the book he had purchased the day prior from a woven bag, your eyes narrowing when there is nothing written on the cover of it.

“Jungkook?” you ask, he hums, not turning towards you as he tries to shove it further inside the bag, “Is that history book interesting? I think I want to try reading harder books now, not just children’s poems.”  

Jungkook pauses, eyes meeting yours briefly before he turns to the backpack once more.

“I don’t think you’d like this one, love. The vocabulary is hard, even for me” he explains.

You hum in understanding, deciding it was best not to prod any further.

“Ready to go?” Jungkook stands up, hand stretching out to help pull you up from the bed.

“Yeah, I still have to eat breakfast before we go”

Jungkook sniggers at that, nudging your shoulder as he tells you how breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that it was closer to lunch time now than it was breakfast.

You shrug, explaining that even breakfast can be eaten at lunch sometimes.

+++

How well did you truly know Jeon Jungkook? Why had it taken you so long to ask this question?

You knew it was because he was the closest person you would get in this life that would always be a constant. He liked you, he couldn’t die, so why would he leave you? Just like yourself he had no one else in this world. And maybe you were cowardice, projecting your own insecurities and fears onto him, but it was true was it not?

Loneliness was simultaneously the best and worst thing that could happen to a human. It was a valid fear, as humans were social creatures that overall worked better as a team than in solitude. Two pairs of hands are always going to be better than one and being able to confide in another person should be second nature, because no one should have to deal with their pain alone when they had so many that cared for them.

Loneliness however can force you to learn to love your own company. If there is no one else around, you can only rely on yourself. And at the end of the day, you are the only constant in your life. Forced to fend for yourself, live for you, and you only.

But that scared you, what was living if it wasn’t for other people? Forced to marinate in your own thoughts, figure out your own feelings and live just because you want to or feel obligated to because you were given life so maybe you should live it out for a while.

Unless you’re Jeon Jungkook. He never seemed alone.

You believed that you would stay with him for a long time, because he had nowhere else to go just like yourself. And wherever he went, you think you would follow, because you were scared of being alone. Scared of the solitude that some found comfort in.

But why would you blindly follow him? Because he was kind enough to house you? Feed you? Put a roof over your head and help you develop skills that otherwise you would have no resources to do so? Even if he had been lying to you, deceiving you even.

If Jeon Jungkook was a colour, he would be grey. Muted, his character unimposing until you peel back the layers upon layers that he shields his being with only to find black. Onyx. A dark plain that can only be described as Jeon Jungkook, the ghost of a hand pulling you into his warm embrace until you settle down and thin sticky vines trap you beside him with no escape, remaining by his side for the rest of his eternal life.

Even with a small crack in what is Jeon Jungkook, a lie exposed to you, you chose not to say anything.

Why?

Because he’s familiar, and you’re scared of being alone.

Why would you willingly fall headfirst into a spiral of solitude when you could remain by his side, acting oblivious as he plays you like a puppet. Chipping away at your very being until you’re too warn down, leaning on him for support like he had planned from the start. He’s never hurt you, his caress gentle, and words sweeter than fresh honey or sugar cane. Blindly guiding you further into his abyss, steps away from the point of no return.

But you’re okay with that. Willingly holding onto him like he holds onto you, like the two of you are the only two left in the world, needing nothing more than each other to survive.

Now you find yourself at a crossroad. Why walk down the path of loneliness when you could walk down the path towards Jungkook, who happily waits for you at the end of the road with his arms wide open? It seemed obvious which path you would choose. And maybe you were spineless, allowing someone you barely knew to swing you around like a doll on some strings instead of facing your fears.

Maybe Jungkook was scared of being alone too. You’d never considered living an eternal life, simply living day to day hoping you’ll wake up tomorrow. But you worry how lonely he would feel if you were to ever leave him, a twinge of empathy flaring up at just the thought of it. Left to live alone for the rest of time. If you could live together, without the fear of desolation… walking the ways of life hand in hand with no one but each other.

And that’s why as you shut the book stuffed away inside the lower depth of Jungkook’s bag, you say nothing. Washing away what you had read from your mind, smiling happily when the demon re-enters the room, freshly washed, looking like the epitome of ethereal as he flops onto the bed, beckoning you to come over with a kiss to your cheeks, his own flushed the prettiest shade of dusty rosy, pink.

You knew which path you would be taking.