#I made an egg sandwich the day after I drew this

[saltedbiscuiit]

Egg Bread

[hopelessromantic5]

SydCarmy clip

Artist Carmy

Sydney is his long lost muse.

TBC at a later date 💀

Carmen is a chef, that much is apparent.

But before that, he was an artist.

The notebooks that he kept hidden from the prying eyes of his disastrous family had been his only solace through a…turbulent childhood.

He would sketch whatever caught his eye. A specific bird with a pretty song. A wildflower on the playground that was shining extra bright in the sun.

As he grew, so did his art. Wobbly formations transformed into confident lines and lifelike shading. What was once inanimate became alive.

He drew what he knew. Sugar, Mikey, booths at The Beef, and most importantly, food.

It seemed that food was center of his existence. His mother, his brother, and then eventually, he himself was sucked into the love of food.

Maybe it started because no matter how many awful things they’d said to each other, dinner in the Berzatto house was never missed. They all sat, sometimes (most times) uncomfortably quiet. But still, they were together. A mess, but a mess that belonged to each other.

Maybe it was the way flavors on his tongue seemed to revive Carmy from the dead on days he didn’t think he wanted to be alive; bright mornings after a dreadful night of his mother screaming at him that he was useless, that he could never do anything right. All while she sobbed and shattered her wine glass against the wall.

But something about a breakfast sandwich from the Beef, perfectly curated by his brother, made him forget his life for long enough that he could ride to school in peace, sketching the layers to the egg and glazed bacon, the different cheeses, the perfectly toasted bun.

There was one awful attempt to draw this girl, Claire.

Carmen noticed her when she began hanging out with Mikey, which was already kind of a red flag. But for some reason, the sketches kept ending up distorted and, quite frankly, disturbing to look at. Carmen wound up ripping the pages out and burning them.

Of course, his notebooks and shading pencils began to form dust after Carmy gave his life over to cooking. Becoming a chef was exhausting, and maintaining life as a chef, a Michelin star retaining chef, was soul destroying.

Maybe it was just Carmen’s luck. Maybe he attracted assholes and bullies, people that liked to spit insults down his neck as he stood there and took it. Vomiting it back up, hours later in the alley.

Eleven Madison Park was the worst and best experience of his life. He wouldn’t be as good as he was without it, but he also wouldn’t be as fucked up, as mentally torn apart.

He didn’t think it couldn’t get any worse.

That is, until he got the call.

He should’ve known. Things can always get worse.

Yet, the ultimate dichotomy of the best and worst time of Carmy’s life was yet to come.

As he stood in the back of his dead brother’s collapsing, grease infested, death trap, an angel came to him.

Appearing in the form of a beautiful woman. Skin dark and rich, glowing with a shine all its own. Big, curious brown eyes nervously taking him in, announcing herself.

“Hi, hello. I-I’m Sydney, I called about the sous position? I’m staging today? I think you said I could stage today-“

Carmen’s head was completely fucked. He forgot about the lovely voice on the other end of the phone, after a long day of sarcastic, apathetic dickwads.

“Right! Shit, sorry. Yes, yeah. Carmy.” He gestured to himself.

He took her resume, and was blown away. Not only was she beautiful, she was also capable. Stacked by the CIA and extremely respected restaurants of Chicago.

He thought for a second that he may have been dreaming. The gods had answered his silent prayer of a reprieve in the form of this human goddess who was trained the same way Carmen was trained; knows the ins and outs of a kitchen the way he does. A true partner, in that way.

Nearly a year went by. Arguments were had and healed, copious amounts of cash was found amongst tomato sauce cans, and The Bear finally got off the ground running…after a few minor snags.

Carmy had resigned that night, in the walk-in, to call Claire one more time and end the entire thing, on top of apologizing vehemently. Apologize for ruining yet another good thing, another good person and then let her go on about her perfectly healthy life.

Carmen was ashamed to admit to himself, that he barely even liked her. Nothing was natural, everything felt like a show he was putting on for someone else. Maybe for Mikey, maybe for himself, who knows.

One thing Carmen did know, for sure; it was not good for him. Or the restaurant. Or her. His partner.

She took the worst of it, and Carmen will never forgive himself for that. She did everything, kept his dream alive, while he fucked off and pretended to be something he wasn’t.

Somehow, gratefully and graciously, he’d earned his way back into Syndey’s trust over these last few months. Carmy put his full focus into The Bear, as it should’ve been from the beginning. And he never let her forget that he was there for her, that they were partners. Even when shit got too overwhelming, too much, they would always be there.

They stood by that.

Things were…better than they’d ever been.

The kitchen worked seamlessly, every once in a while there was a small mishap. But that’s what a good kitchen is; one that can run even when the unpredictable happens.

And for The Bear, regular unpredictable is a cake walk compared to their original amount of unpredictable.

He and Sydney moved through the kitchen like two halves of one mind. Wordlessly knowing what the other will need before they have the chance to ask, small gestures of reassurance when they need it. His hand on the small of her back in passing, I’m here, it says.

Her soft smile directed his way when he quietly corrected a new hire on their technique, instead of flying off the handle.

Carmen hadn’t raised his voice that way in a while. While he went to Al-Non and saw Dick (his therapist [that’s his actual name, don’t blame Carmen]), he could credit his better sleep schedule and improved outlook on life to one individual particularly.

The more he saw Sydney, the more she came into his space, the longer she stayed, the more Carmen calmed. For the first time in his life, he was still, tranquil, happy.

It, whatever it was, that special drug, that magic, seemed to just radiate off her skin in waves of pure ethereal light.

She stood in his modest kitchen, throwing her head back laughing at something stupid he said. And Carmen knew peace.

Maybe that’s why the shading pencils that had been shoved into a carboard box in the back of his closet finally made a reappearance.

He was at the market on a random Monday, their one and only day off, when he saw a display of sketchbooks, at the end of an aisle.

Instinct made him throw one in his basket. Black with a singular word embossed on the front in gold.

Create.

Carmen’s immediate thought was: that’s cheesy.

At home, sitting on the couch tapping his leg in impatience , he narrowed his eyes at the sketchbook in the center of his kitchen table. He thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad cover.

The word was like an alarm, a reminder that he could always be doing something, creating something new.

As afternoon turned to evening, Carm didn’t notice. He hadn’t looked up.

For the last four hours, he had been practically dead to the world.

All that existed was the image in his mind and the empty pages sitting before him.

The sound of his phone ringing startled him out of his daze. Realizing all of once that he was starving, and he had to pee, and his phone was still ringing.

Fuck, the phone!

He caught it before it went to voicemail.

“Yo!” He was out of breath, for no reason.

“Yo, you good?” Sydney chuckled, poking at him. “Am I still coming over to cook or are you like…training for the marathon?”

“I could run.” He huffed. “You don’t know.”

The smile that he refused to acknowledge was difficult to keep out of his voice, but he managed.

“Ha! I don’t think any Berzatto even knows the definition of the word ‘run’. Except maybe Pete, but he doesn’t count.”

That made a laugh bubble up out of him.

“He does run. Nat complains about his early morning jogs sometimes.”

“Of course he jogs!” She bellowed, cackling on the other end. “Nothing worse than a jogger.” Followed quickly by. “Don’t tell Nat or Pete I said that.”

Carmen sucked his teeth and tilted his head as if weighing his options, though she couldn’t see him.

“I don’t know…”

“Carmen!” He loved this. He loved her.

“I’m fucking with you, Syd. I won’t tell Nat you think her husband is awful because he jogs.”

“Good. Thank you.” She sighed. “Nat loves me more, anyway. She would take my side.”

“Over her husband?” He asked incredulously.

“No, jackass, over you.” She laughed.

“Ouch. A jackass that got his sister stolen by his CDC. Might as well just end it then. Here I was, taking the jeans out of the oven, just for you.”

“Well, now I’ve caught you in a lie. You forget, I see your oven as often as you do, and I haven’t seen a single sighting of denim.”

“I wait til you leave, obviously.”

“Just shut up and buzz me in, weirdo.” He can hear her smile through the phone knowing that he was the one to put it there warmed his blood.

He was floating on a cloud as he made his way to the front door. Leaving it ajar after buzzing her into the building.

[eastwindmlk]

Twelve a day

September 1st, 1971

 Remus John Lupin found himself stuck in a compartment with three rowdy boys. Something he had not foreseen when he allowed the polished and proper-looking set and their mousy-looking friend to sit with him. They seemed like the sort that would, just like him, pull out a book and spend the journey reading. He could not have been more wrong. After the train left the station, all hell broke loose. There was a pile of candy, exploding snap, and a couple of heated arguments regarding which quidditch team was best.

By the time that lunch came around, the mountain of sweets had diminished to a hill. The three boys were working at that feverishly. Urging Remus to take some too, something he felt too embarrassed to do, though they kept insisting, he picked a chocolate bar just to make them stop asking. They did not push him again.

Even though the tawny-haired boy was certain that each of them had eaten more sweets now than he had in a year, lunches were presented. Peter, the mousy-looking one, had a Tupperware box filled with fruits, crackers, cheese, and sausages. James had a thermos with homemade chai that filled Remus’s nostrils with a sweet, spiced scent that he’d caught on the boy before. As well as sandwiches and rice cakes. Sirius boasted proudly that he’d gone to the station shop and bought himself six different kinds of sandwiches.

When they came around to Remus, they all seemed excited, leaning in to see him pull out a plastic bag with two buttered rolls, one with cheese and one with peanut butter. “That’s all you got?” Peter asked, wincing as James elbowed him. He nodded sheepishly in reply and held it up. “I am not a big eater.” He lied, hoping to cover the waver in his voice with a shrug and a bright smile. They did not. He could see it from the pitying looks he got. He’d seen enough of those to recognise one when he saw one. And he was seeing three.

James looked down at his lunch pack, and much to Remus’s horror, he placed part of his lunch on the table between them. Prompting Peter to do the same. Sirius lined up his collection of prepackaged options. He waved his arm like he was on one of those prize shows on TV. Remus hesitated for a moment, first reaching for the coronation chicken before changing his mind and settling for the less desirable egg and cress. Before he could even pull it towards him, Sirius gave his first choice a little nudge and winked at him. “Just take it.” He encouraged, and Remus let Sirius sway him.

Too flustered by the entire ordeal, he just started eating, chomping down on the feast that was suddenly in front of him. A conversation was erupting around him. And suddenly, it was no longer obnoxious and loud. It was cosy. Sated, he sat back and listened in for a bit before he felt comfortable enough to contribute.

By the time that the trolley lady came by, though, Remus could probably eat more. Despite knowing better than to look, to be temped, his eyes drew to the splendour. Practically salivating, he patted his pockets, hoping to find a stay coin or maybe a cheeky fiver somewhere. Nothing. So, when she looked at him after all the others had gone, all he could manage was a defeated shake of his head.

The old witch smiled at him kindly, nodded, and was ready to push on when Sirius piped up. “No, no, Remi here would like something, too.” The announcement made him panic, waving his hands wildly and protesting in stutters and sputters. But soon enough, he felt Sirius’s hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry; I got you.”

November 3, 1972

Sirius’s thirteenth birthday was everything everyone expected from it. It started off with a grand, dramatic toast in the common room and an inordinate amount of revelry. Even on a good day, Remus would probably have stayed near the fringes. But it was two days before the full moon, and this was not a good day.

So, the young werewolf hung around the edges of the party and observed. He occasionally got dragged into the whirlpool of dancers and handed a glass or a bottle. Some of which he drank, others he sniffed and left on the table for someone else to find. Until he realized something. When the alcohol settled in, the ache in his body felt less present. The headache makes place for the comfortable, fuzzy feeling.

When it was time to retire, Remus Lupin was drunk for the very first time. Swaying as he walked up the stairs, he used his hands to keep himself from falling forward. Once at the top of the stairs, he could feel a pair of hands guiding him to his bed and stripping off his shoes. The blanket was tucked nicely around his shoulders, and he could hear a distant voice wish him good night.

Come morning, he understood why the older kids told him to pace himself. That he was going to regret it come morning. The ringing of his alarm clock bounced around his head, trying to crack open his skull. Drawing the curtains on his bed, Remus sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of his cot, and the entire world started spinning. He felt like he was on a carnival ride, the world spinning wildly.

Digging the palms of his hands into his eyes, the Gryffindor ground at them. Hoping that this would ground him. It did not. It made things worse. That is when he felt it. A wave of nausea came over him, and all he could do was run his gangly legs to the bathroom, his hand clamped over his mouth.

By the time that he felt a pair of hands on him, gently stroking back the damp curls that stuck to his forehead, Remus was already retching and dry-heaving. There was nothing left to expel from his bony, trembling body. Sirius’s calm voice came from behind him.

“I got you.”

January 10, 1975

Remus could never tell which was worse, the days right before the full or the days after. The pain he could deal with, Poppy always patched him up pretty well. At least those days were quiet. Unlike now, two nights before the moon, his body was wired and his mind was racing. Every little shift, every cough, and every breath were like a pin in his ear. His skin was too tight, and his body was too warm.

While lying in bed, he did his best not to turn around too much. Or else he would have to start focusing on something again, just to forget the seams in his night clothes. So, Remus lay on his back, staring at the canopy that suddenly seemed to be sharp and defined. Unlike other days when the fuzzy darkness swallowed the roof of his bed,

Too hot, he kicked off the blankets, feeling the seems of his trousers and groaning. Hand raking over his face and grimacing at the rough feeling of stubble starting to form. Soon enough, he would have to start shaving for real. At least now he could think about that. The way he could almost feel the hairs grow If he closed his eyes, he could almost picture it.

His eyes shooting open when suddenly the curtains ripped open and undid his silencing charm. In the silver rays of the moon, he could make out Sirius, his hair messy and his shoulders slumped. His eyes focused, and he could see the haunted look on his friend’s face.

Suddenly, it all did not matter any more. Remus shifted; damn the seams. He pulled the blanket up, inviting Sirius. Damn the heat. He felt his head slam almost painfully against his collarbone as his best friend buried his face in the crook of his neck. Damn the pain and the hot breath. The tall boy wrapped his arms around his friend, kissing the top of his head.

“I got you."

[thenightlymirror]

Yesterday, we were laughing and useless from the very start. I was sort of glad she was there because, honestly, a lot less gets done.

With our coats on, we give Moulder and Scully vibes. Drew mentioned David Duchovny was another one of the rare men he found hot. We all agreed. Later, I said, “Nobody gets that many freebee’s! If you think David Duchovny is hot: you would suck a dick!” Then we laughed at how that sounded like a rant a thirteen-year-old would make.

We had a bunch of stones in the park to check out, and took the golf cart for its first ride. It’s like a Cadillac of golf carts. It has a windshield, a windshield wiper, a radio. It’s incredible. It was raining and entirely too cold. We went back.

She said, “My seat is wet.” I said, “I know. I enjoyed it too.” Haha

Buck stopped by our window.

“We’re going out to do some rubbings. I usually just do my rubbings in the park alone. She just watches.”

“Unless I’m doing the rubbings myself!”

“Then I watch!”

Buck was very confused.

We often mention how totally fucked we are if either of us decides we are sexually harassing the other. She is very adamant that she is not my boss. She’s kind of my boss, but not really. I mean, it certainly could be a hostile work environment if either of us was attracted to the other. Haha. I think we’re just a case of fast friends. I remember worrying slightly when she started training the memorialist at my old place that she seemed into me. But that hasn’t been a thing. You can tell when someone is into you. It feels horrible.

We went out into 13 to see if an installation had been set. I was walking on the unstable grass, rolled over my ankle, launched myself forward into the air. The way she saw it, I was walking behind her, and then was suddenly in front of her lying on my back, and once on the ground, further collapsed into complete relaxation, like a little death. She was trying not to laugh. I was not really hurt.

My ankle was stiff for the next 24 hours. After work, I did some shopping, then stopped at the beach to watch the tide roar in, and thought about standing on the dock and letting the ten foot waves pull me in. A painful way to die, getting slammed to the bottom and drowned. Best to jump in and breathe as much water in as possible. But my ankle was already sore, and pain didn’t seem very romantic in that moment. It was thrilling though.

Today, we were both inundated again with just how much work there is to do. The day before, she mentioned how freaked out her husband would be if he ever heard one of our conversations. You could sort of see her trying to account for our rapport to herself as well. That’s fine. Her dad is bipolar, and an alcoholic. I think that I’m bipolar, but safe, so it’s a bit of a headfuck in that regard. I think that’s the hook.

She brought a jalapeño croissant egg sandwich that her grandmother made specifically for me. Hell yes. She put another one in the fridge for Andrew, because she doesn’t like them. After she left for the day, I went out in the golf cart to the garage to check on a marker. For the second day in a row, one of the new groundsmen has called me specifically to inform me that he found a veteran bronze left on the floor in the garage under a bunch of debris. I could not find it this morning, but he had remembered more, and I found it. It was like he was calling in a side-quest. It was in a cardboard box under a bunch of mouse shit. From 2018. Good job, Sean.

Buck walked in, caught me on my way to the golf cart. We took a joyride around the park listening to yacht rock on the little radio. Buck was absorbed in the news that there had been a drone attack on the Kremlin, but he accidentally said “Crimea” at first, so I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. We essentially reiterated the entire conversation we had the first morning we talked, about the prospects for revolution in America. World news gets him worked up. I feel a little more like capitalism has seeped so deeply into the logic of every little thing that happens, that nothing really ever happens. The machine just makes a lot of noise as the parts loosen up and slam into one another as it wears down. Calamity can happen, must happen, but not because of any decisions anyone makes. We just don’t make decisions anymore.

That’s something along the lines of what I would have said, but I was mostly listening to Buck vent.

[retrocontinuity]

Eat, for this is Her Body: Chainsaw Man and the Doxology of Cannibalism

"One day," Anthony Oliveira writes in "The Year in Apocalypses," [Jesus'] disciples approached their master while he was silent in prayer and made a request: 'Lord, teach us how to pray.'" From here, Jesus teaches them the Lord's Prayer, what the Catholic Church once called "the summary of the whole gospel":

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Denji is no one's disciple. When we first meet him, he is closer to how Oliveira describes Jesus himself, "homeless, gleaning for food in the field like a sparrow and relying on the kindness of strangers to put him up, . . . a man cheerfully resigned to powerlessness." And so, Denji doesn't need to be taught how to pray. He has always known. Every bone in his body at the opening of Chainsaw Man sings out the Lord's Prayer: "forgive me my debts", "deliver me from evil." And, of course, Denji is intimately familiar with the prayer's most pitiable, most powerful line. It's this line that he cries out to Makima when he rests, Pieta-like, in her arms at the end of the first chapter. It can only be this line, one that Denji might have written himself:

Give me, from this day forward, and for all the rest of my days, daily bread.

Bread runs throughout CSM like a mocking scent that you only fully identify in the last two chapters. It should have been a sign to all of us when the first meal Makima buys for Denji is not bread (but rather a hot dog and udon noodles). It isn't until Denji meets and enters Aki's home that he is seen making a hideously overladen slice of toast for himself, luxuriating in having all the toppings he was denied. The morning after she forces Denji to open the door to Power's death, Makima makes the very breakfast she once promised to serve Denji: eggs, coffee, salad, and sliced bread. But this is a meal that Denji never eats—maybe the only meal in the entire series that he, a survivor of the meanest starvation and poverty, ignores. There is only one other time we see this meal in CSM, and it is subtle, almost off camera, though no less meaningful: in Chapter 53, after Reze's death, as Denji sits down to breakfast once more with Power and Aki.

To revisit CSM's public safety arc is to see all the ways the plot connects itself to food and the act of eating, both appetizing and revolting, both profound and profane. Denji, eating gyoza at a bar for the first time. Denji being forced to swallow barf as he is kissed for the first time. The Fox Devil, who eats indiscriminately and on command, who refuses to return to Aki after being fed something disgusting. A fox that is hunted and transformed into stew. Denji eating sandwiches at Reze's cafe. Aki and Angel eating noodles. A woman sitting down to eat a hamburger for the first time, before she commits mass murder. She is worried she has lost her taste buds, yet she exclaims, "So delicious!" We know, later, that this woman is a liar, that no part of her is what she presents herself to be. Should we take this moment at its face value then? Was Santa Claus simply lucky enough to have preserved her sense of taste? Or was it her one last act of humanity, to recognize that it is not enough just to eat, that man does not live on bread alone, that there must be at least food that is also delicious, that inspires people to get up and dance—even if it means she has to lie about what she can experience?

Food is necessary for survival, and CSM is a story about survival. But CSM is also a story about glimpsing the after. After you know you can keep living, what next? After you are no longer starving, after you have been forced to kill a friend, after you have touched your first boob, after you have been betrayed, what next? After you are tired of eating toast with jam for breakfast, what do you eat next?

The version of the Lord's Prayer we tend to recite asks for "our daily bread." But this, most modern scholars believe, is a mistranslation. The Greek adjective as it appears in the Gospel of Matthew and Luke is "epiousios," which doesn't mean "daily" at all, but rather something too complicated etymologically for me to even begin to parse. The point is that what we ask for in the Lord's Prayer is not just bread for today, but bread for tomorrow. Both the physical bread and the spiritual bread. Bread on this kingdom of earth, and bread that is the kingdom of heaven. Bread to feed our bodies, and bread to feed our souls. The realm of the divine is full of these moments, isn't it? Of two things existing at once, in one.

Denji starts the series asking for daily bread, and ends the public safety arc with Nayuta, Makima's reincarnation, asking him for daily bread. Trash heap Denji, living with his not!dog Pochita, really was just asking for daily bread. A slice to eat for breakfast, maybe even with butter and jam. But he too learns that bread, physical bread, is not enough. Merely to subsist, to eat good food, is an empty life. And what he must give Nayuta is not just bread, as was given to him. Otherwise, he will be trapped in a cycle of creating more Makimas. Instead, he must give her a relationship, a family, a world that Makima was unable to create. He must give her, in Pochita's words, lots of hugs. He must give her, in the words of the Lord's Prayer, epiousios.

To be clear, I am not arguing that CSM is meant to be read through a Catholic lens, and I doubt Fujimoto had all of this in mind when he wrote it (though he must have thought something, given that he drew a very large print of Gustave Dore's "Satan descends upon Earth" in Makima's entranceway!). But there is something primal (primordial?) about the Lord's Prayer. If every reader can understand the horror that the Darkness Devil represents, so too we can understand the intimacy and comfort of the Lord's Prayer. It is, as Oliveira writes, "a simple peasant's mantra for detoxing anxiety." Jesus opens by addressing God as father—not king, not an all-mighty spiritual being, but rather "abba, which is rather closer to 'dad,' and not in the intercultural Greek of his adulthood, but the Aramaic of home and childhood." The Lord's Prayer asks for what we always want, the only thing any of us have ever wanted since leaving the womb as infants: for no bad things to happen, for there to be enough to eat.

Even if what we have to eat is another person.

At the center of the Christian liturgy is the Last Supper, and at the center of the Last Supper is a meal that functions as ritual, abomination, accusation, transubstantiation, paranoia, and an early example of cracking open a cold one with the bros. Here, Jesus shares bread and wine with his disciples and then, as if trying to invent r/creepypasta years before its time, informs them they are actually eating his flesh and blood. This image is so powerful and heretical that the Romans accused early Christians of being cannibals. And why shouldn't they? It's there in the text. "Take, eat. This is my body. This is my blood." Stripped of the grandeur of tradition and ritual, this is downright vampiric. And yet it goes on to become the cornerstone of the Christian faith.

Oliveira begs us to see the Last Supper as a family meal, one shared by Jesus and his found family. "All he is really saying is, 'I hope when you eat together, you remember me.'" It's a good reading, one that moves me to tears, and is the framework through which I see the events of chapter 80. Because Makima is not the first time that Denji "consumes" a friend, and I don't just mean him sucking Power's blood or taking Pochita into himself. When Aki died, he left half his fortune to Denji, who uses it to support himself and Power. They "pigged out on good food," he tells us. This is Aki's symbolic body, through which he provides Denji his daily bread. Eat ice cream and onigiri in remembrance of me.

But it is not how I see the events of chapter 96. Denji does not eat Makima in the context of a feast. He does not partake of her in a communal meal, as Jesus did, among his found family. He eats every bite of Makima alone. Jesus said before his death, "this is my blood, which is shed for many." Yet Denji says to Makima, I alone will absolve you alone of your sins. I alone will bear you alone.

Denji's Last Supper is a lonely remembrance. He is hoping that no one but him will remember her. He is hoping to wholly consume her, because he loves her. "We love as cannibals," French philosopher and activist Simone Weil wrote. "Beloved beings . . . provide us with comfort, energy, a simulant. They have the same effect on us as a good meal. . . . We love them, then, as food." In fact, Weil believed we cannot love any other way. As humans, we are forever doomed to want to eat the ones we love. In order to escape, we must both be devoured by God and then become food for our fellow human beings. As Alec Irwin writes of Weil's philosophy, "the devouring violence of God must be positively harnessed in order to dismantle the machinery of human cruelty."

If Weil is right and being devoured is transformation, a crucial part of salvation, then in eating Makima, Denji redeems her. He turns her into food to break the cycle of her cruelty. For Makima's power itself is consuming, cannibalistic. She "eats" humans in order to use her power, which remains mysterious like God moving across the face of the earth, leaving only broken corpses as a sign of its presence. So it must be Denji, not Chainsaw Man, who does the consuming. If Pochita had consumed her, as she had always prayed for, then it would simply be another act of violence being enacted. Instead, Denji gives her salvation by turning her into human food—his food.

To Denji, Aki was human, his family, his brother, his friend.  It is Makima he loves as a God and a woman. To him, she is Satan and God, his betrayer and his creator, his salvation and his friends' damnation. So he must take her, consume her, digest her, excrete her, reduce her to nothing, as she once consumed and excreted and reduced him. "I ate her to become one with her." He ate her to become her. There is no truer form of his love than for Denji to take Makima into himself. I use those words purposefully, because this is the rejection of classic cishet PIV penetration, that old hoary chestnut of men inside women. As Don Delillo famously outlines in White Noise, we talk about sex as if women are containers, rooms, elevator lobbies: "He entered me," "I want him inside me," "I took him into myself." Denji and Makima never have physical sex, but this is a consummation, a reversal of roles. We are given the only sex that Shounen Jump will allow us, with Denji taking Makima into himself. She enters him. She is inside him. He is—physically, emotionally, willingly—penetrated by her flesh. She is released inside of him, becoming part of him.

Because the divine is full of moments like this, isn't it? Of two things existing at once, in one. That is the kingdom and the power and the glory. For Makima now lives in that country inhabited by God, where loving and eating are one and the same. For that country is none other than Denji's body.

In conclusion:

Substitute Makima for "God", and the preceding statements are still rigorously accurate.

Further Reading:

Anthony Oliveira's ongoing podcast reading the Gospel of Mark (Patreon exclusive, but I highly recommend, even/especially if you are a heathen like me)

Hannibal (NBC)

Daniel Birnbaum and Anders Olsson, An Interview with Jacques Derrida on the Limits of Digestion

David Farrell Krell, "All You Can't Eat: Derrida's Course, "Rhetorique du Cannibalisme (1990-1991)." Research in Phenomenology, vol. 36, 2006, pp. 130–180. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24660636. 

Alec Irwin, “Devoured by God: Cannibalism, Mysticism, and Ethics in Simone Weil.” CrossCurrents, vol. 51, no. 2, 2001, pp. 257–272. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24460795.

[khaleesiofalicante]

ALEC WEEK - PARABATAI DAY

“I made eggs!”

Alec looked up to see Jace standing in front of the stove, making sandwiches with eggs and ham.

He didn’t even know they had ham. But that’s mostly because he avoided the kitchen like the plague, thanks to Isabelle.

“You look tired,” Jace pointed out.

For a 13-year-old, he was annoyingly perceptive.

“Didn’t sleep well,” Alec yawned as he sat down on the counter.

“Nightmares?” Jace asked, suddenly looking concerned.

Alec didn’t have nightmares. But it made him sad to wonder why it had been Jace’s first thought.

Did Jace have nightmares? What were they about? What did he do when he had them? How did he cope?

See! This is exactly the kind of stuff parabatai should know about each other!

“Listen,” Alec said. “I want to talk to you about something.”

“What’s up?” Jace asked, now focused on frying the bacon.

“It’s about what you said last night,” Alec said carefully.

“Oh,” Jace looked pleased. “Well, I’m glad you want to talk more about it. Did you know more than 30 different waterfowl species live in New York? We are practically living in a hell dimension!”

“Uh,” Alec said. “It’s not about the ducks.”

“Huh,” Jace looked disappointed. “What is it about then?”

“Do you not remember what you asked me last night?” Alec asked, suddenly worried.

Was it a joke? Or maybe Jace didn’t really mean it? Has Alec been overthinking this whole thing?

“Are you talking about the parabatai thing?” Jace inquired.

Alec nodded.

“What about it?” Jace asked and suddenly his eyes sparkled. “Ohhh do you wanna discuss where we should get our parabatai runes?”

“Actually,” Alec said. “I’ve been thinking it over.”

“Why?” Jace’s eyes narrowed. “You agreed last night.”

“I know,” Alec looked away.

“Alec,” Jace almost whispered. “Do you not…Do you not want to be my parabatai?”

“It’s just that...I don’t w-”

“I get it,” Jace interrupted and flopped an omelet on Alec’s plate. “You changed your mind. That’s okay.”

“Jace, I just-”

“It’s fine!” Jace shrugged and turned around.

Alec saw him gripping the frying pan a little too tightly. He wasn’t wearing any mittens.

“You’ll hurt yourself!” Alec rushed to him.

Jace removed his hand and it looked red – but it wasn’t burnt.

Alec quickly removed his stele from his pocket and drew an iratze on Jace’s hand.

“There,” he said.

That seemed easy. The need to protect Jace was...almost instinctual. And there weren't even parabatai yet.

Everyone made it sound like it was a big deal. But it seemed so simple to Alec.

“Why do you not want to be my parabatai?” Jace demanded suddenly.

“I…” Alec faltered. “People…People might talk.”

What if they saw him watching Jace train? What if they saw Alec stealing glances? What if they punished Alec? Or worse, what if they punish Jace?

If someone ever found out about Alec…About he was and who he liked…They might start spreading nasty rumors about the two of them.

Alec had seen it happen before. He didn’t want it to happen to them. He felt like his family has been through enough.

Being Alec’s parabatai seemed like an unnecessary baggage. Jace had enough baggage.

“Oh,” Jace said. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s-It’s okay,” Jace replied. “I understand.”

“You do?” Alec asked, his stomach clenching.

Did he? Did he know?

“Of course people would talk,” Jace said. “Why would you want to be the parabatai of someone damaged like me?”

“What?” Alec blinked.

“I watched my own father die,” Jace said quietly. “I never knew my mom. I didn’t have any friends until I came here. I’m a weirdo. People might say things about you if chose to be my parabatai.”

“People are stupid,” Alec said without hesitation. “You’re not damaged.”

Jace was quiet. It was a little unsettling.

“I mean sure you’re a little weird,” Alec chuckled. “You do talk awful lot about ducks and-”

“They are a real threat!” Jace argued.

“I’m serious,” Alec said. “Yeah, you’ve been through a lot. Maybe that’s exactly why you need a parabatai. So, you’ll have someone to take care of you.”

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” Jace almost snapped, but his tone came out petulant and worried.

Like it should be.

There. There he was.

“Your bacon is burning,” Alec pointed out with a grin.

Jace muttered a curse and turned the stove off.

“See,” Alec pointed out. “I told you.”

“Sure, that’s why I need a parabatai,” Jace rolled his golden eyes. “To save my bacon.”

“And to save you from other stuff,” Alec pointed out gently.

“I don’t need to be saved,” Jace crossed his arms adamantly.

“Then why do you want a parabatai?” Alec asked.

Jace looked surprised. As if he hadn’t expected anyone to ask him that.

“I don’t know,” Jace said.

“Well, if you don’t know why then maybe you shouldn’t have one,” Alec said.

“Why do you want one?” Jace demanded.

Alec thought for a while.

Not about why he wanted one. He knew why he did.

Alec knew his future. He knew what awaited him. He might never find love. He might never get married.

But a parabatai… he still had a chance. He still had a shot at forming a bond that might last forever. He still had a chance to experience some kind of love, even if it was only from his parabatai.

But he couldn’t tell Jace that of course.

“It’s nice to be chosen,” Alec said, which wasn’t completely untrue.

Jace frowned.

Alec waited. Patiently.

If he was going to be Jace’s parabatai, he felt like he had to get used to it.

“The Codex said parabatai bonds are eternal,” Jace said quietly. “I want a bond like that. People keep leaving me. I want someone who will stay.”

Alec’s heart broke. He had thought that he was the only teenager with insecurities. But apparently, he was wrong. It made him worry about Jace – who seemed fragile underneath all the confidence. He wondered if Izzy was like that too.

He had thought of Jace as the sun. Bright and beautiful and always shining.

But Alec had forgotten that while it was rare, solar eclipses still did exist. Sometimes even the sun got blocked out too.

“Hey,” he said gently. “Hey.”

Jace looked up reluctantly.

“Entreat me not to leave thee,” Alec smiled.

Jace blinked.

“Entreat me not to leave thee,” Alec repeated.

“Don’t leave me,” Jace said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Okay,” Alec smiled.

Jace pulled him into a hug, burnt bacon and breakfast all forgotten.

“But what about you?” Jace asked, pulling back suddenly. “You said people will talk. What did you mean?”

Alec hesitated.

He could tell Jace. After all, he was his parabatai. Or he was going to be.

Alec didn’t understand the point of having a parabatai if you couldn’t be honest with them.

But his need to hide was more persistant than his need to be honest.

He could tell Jace. But what if Jace was disgusted?

Worse, what if Jace stopped talking to him.

Imagine being promised that they will love you for the rest of your life and then one day they suddenly abandon you? Just liked that? Because you wanted to be honest? You wanted to be free?

Alec couldn’t think of anything worse than that. He hoped it would never happen to any parabatai ever.

“Just stuff,” Alec said instead. “People might say you’re better than me.”

It wasn’t completely untrue either.

“People are stupid,” Jace repeated Alec’s own words. “Besides, I wouldn’t have asked you to be my parabatai if I didn’t think you were amazing.”

“You think I’m amazing?” Alec asked, surprised.

“And then some,” Jace grinned.

Alec grinned back.

“The bond is between you and me,” Jace said. “Let’s not let anyone get in between, okay?”

“Okay,” Alec promised. “No other people.”

“Or ducks,” Jace added.

“Or ducks,” Alec giggled.

“Are you okay now?” Jace asked.

“Yeah,” Alec nodded. “Sorry about all the drama. I talked to Izzy last night and she wasn’t very helpful.”

Jace laughed. “Izzy doesn’t believe in parabatai bonds. She is the last person you should have talked to!”

“I know that now,” Alec rolled his eyes.

Jace put the pan back on the stove. “What did she say?”

Alec hesitated, but decided to be honest. He had to start somewhere, right? “She said parabatai bonds are gay.”

Jace laughed harder.

Alec didn’t know Jace knew that word. Or Izzy.

It was like curse words. No one said it in front of children but the kids seemed to know it anyway. Alec didn’t see the point in not using them.

“Yeah, she went on about how they are too intense and soulmate-y nd weird and gay,” Alec said, laughing nervously.

“Izzy is hilarious,” Jace said simply.

“You know,” Alec tried to sound nonchalant. “Other people might say it too. Say it’s gay.”

“So what??” Jace asked munching on bacon. “Maybe all good things are a little gay.”

Alec laughed then. And he knew he wouldn’t stop – not as long as Jace was there by his side.

This one is for @beclynn-herondale​ - happiest of birthdays to this beautiful, fierce and talented *insert a vegetable of choice*

[aliwritesfic]

The Night Shift Part 1 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

Summary: Frankie has taken the job as the overnight cook at Lou’s Diner, where you work as the overnight waitress. Attraction slowly grows between you, despite both your best efforts. (18+ series)

Warnings: None for this part

Tags: Slowburn, diner romance, age gap (7 years)

Word count: 1.1k

Part 2

It was a slow night at Lou's Diner. But then again, Tuesday’s were usually pretty slow. There was only one customer, a night construction worker who had been coming in for the past three weeks for a bacon and egg sandwich. You watched at the clock ticked past 3:34AM, contemplating if it would be a good idea to have another cup of coffee. Your shift finished at 5:30, when the day crew came and the breakfast rush was just getting started. Can’t hurt, you reasoned with yourself, grabbing your favourite mug. The employees of the diner had their own mugs separate from the customers - most of them were old and had stains that couldn’t be washed out. 

“Hey, Manny, wanna coffee?” you called into the kitchen to the night cook. Manny was your only co-worker after 9, when everyone else left for the night. But it was his last night, and you hadn’t met his replacement yet. 

“You know how I like it, lover!” he called back. The nickname had become his favourite for you after a rumour swirled saying you and him were fucking in the chiller. Manny put that right to rest after introducing everyone to his husband. 

You made up a mug for each of you, adding five spoons of sugar for his. You had asked him once why he didn’t just have a soda if he wanted that much sugar, and Manny had told you that soda made him gassy in an unsatisfying way. You decided not to prod any further.

“Have you met the new guy?” Manny asked through the window as you set the steaming cup down upon it. You shook your head.

“Have you?”

“Yeah, I had to show him some night procedures last week. He’s not too bad, a quick learner. Easy on the eyes. Not as good as me, so don’t get any ideas about replacing me as number one diner cook in your heart.” Manny winked.

“Number one diner cook and now number one history teacher.” You grinned at him, swelling with pride that his hard work had paid off and now he was going off to his dream job. Many nights working together, quizzing him on various aspects of whatever he was studying. “What’s the newbie’s name?”

“Francisco,” Manny said, “but he said to call him Frankie.”

You nodded, filing the information for later. You didn’t think too much about Manny’s other comment - easy on the eyes. Honestly, with Manny that could mean anything. 

You spent the rest of your shift the way you usually did, cleaning and dealing with friendly old men who sometimes felt a little too friendly. You mostly let it slide, they tipped better when you flirted back, but sometimes the men felt a little too slimy.

The first rays of grey pre-dawn light started to peek through the windows and the breakfast rush began. You didn’t think of much beyond making it through the next half hour, and making sure you didn’t fuck any orders up. 

Your saving grace was Marissa tapping you gently on your shoulder.

“Time to head out, kiddo,” the older woman said. Marissa was your second favourite person at the diner, and you felt it had a lot to do with the fact she was the person to end your shift. That, and she reminded you of your grandmother. You didn’t waste a second, giving Marissa a quick kiss on her cheek and taking your nametag off. 

Manny was waiting for you outside in the back alley, cigarette in one hand and car keys in the other. 

“Come on, lover, let’s get you home.” He linked his arm through yours and you walked to his car together. He had affectionately dubbed it Carrie, after Carrie Fisher and Carrie the movie. 

You spent the car ride imagining movies Michael Cera could have been in to exponentially improve the quality of the movie.

“Okay,” Manny said, “instead of Timmy Chateu in Call Me By Your Name.”

You snorted at the image and at Manny’s ever ridiculous names for celebrities. “Perfect! Oh, replace Brad Pitt in Fight Club!”

“Michael Cera could do Tyler Durden, but Bradley could never do Scott Pilgrim.” Manny nodded seriously as he spoke. “God, I should be a casting director.”

All too soon, he was pulling up outside your apartment complex and against your will tears were pricking at your eyes.

“Jesus, are you crying?” Manny leant over to get a better look at you. “I’m not dying!”

“I’m gonna miss you,” a sob caught in your throat.

“We’re seeing each other on Sunday! Get a hold of yourself!” 

“It’s not gonna be the same!”

“Of course it’s not, but you’ve got to calm down. Take a deep breath with me, okay? In and out, just like that. Now look at me, we’re seeing each other on Sunday, and this new guy can’t be too bad otherwise Lou wouldn’t have hired him.”

You nodded, drying your tears on the sleeve of your shirt. “You’re right, you’re right. Okay, I love you, I’ll see you Sunday.”

Manny gave your hand one last squeeze and you decided it was finally time to go to bed.

~*~

Frankie didn’t know what drew him to the diner job. Since his army days, he had jumped from job to job, never staying more than a couple years. He liked working with his hands, never wanted too much responsibility, and wanted something that would leave him tired enough that we wouldn’t dream when he went to sleep.

The owner of the diner had asked if he’d had any experience as a cook, and when Frankie said that he was left in charge of the barbeque at all functions he went to, Lou shrugged and said “good enough.”

After shaking his hand, Lou had told him there were only three rules he cared about. Number one was do not harass the female staff, sexually or otherwise. Simple enough to follow, Frankie figured, for any decent human. The second rule was not to steal from the registers. Staff got food and coffee for free, within reason. And the third, was to try to avoid fighting with customers, but Lou would understand if it was necessary. 

There wasn’t a uniform, so Frankie wore what he would’ve on any other night - jeans and a flannel over a plain tee, and of course his cap.

Frankie arrived ten minutes before his shift started, looking at the clock on the dash of his truck. He was a little nervous, but that always came with the first day of a new job. The nerves mainly related to whether or not the person he was supposed to work with would be at the very least, nice. He was only thirty-three, but already he felt too old to be part of any workplace pettiness. 

Finally, the clock ticked to five minutes before his shift started. The sun was low in the sky and the truck had become chilly with the impending night. Straightening his cap, Frankie stepped into the warmth of the diner.

[ack3rlady]

The Universe Had His Back - Chapter 6

Sunshine

Summary: Reader finally goes back home to meet Levi & Luna and discovers the true reason behind her fallout with him.

Chapters: Five | Six | Seven

Master List

Warnings: Fem! Reader, Fluff, Spice - non-explicit , Modern AU

Word Count: ~ 2.7k

Inspiration: Shall We - Chen

Tags: @sooibian, @queenofcurse, @red-n-tall, @badbitxhbuckybarnes , @sweet-assh0le ; Anyone else who'd like to be tagged, please let me know!

Being at the patisserie today was difficult. You were exhausted after staying up all night in anticipation of how the day would go. The thought of returning to your old home that evening to see Levi and Luna combined with the revelation bombs that Hange had dropped on you yesterday had your heart in your throat for a good part of the day.

You were so distracted that a dozen eggs went flying from your hands when Miche tapped on your shoulder from behind during one of his usual visits, causing a huge mess on the kitchen floor. You had blown up at your new assistants Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie for looking at you wrong when they rushed to help with cleaning up the mess, after which Miche had officially ordered everyone to stay out of your way.

Your head rested on his shoulder, as you ate a ham and Swiss cheese sandwich, sat in the breakroom during lunch hour. Mikasa sat opposite you, quietly analyzing your body language, contemplating whether breaking the silence would be the correct choice to make. The television news anchor’s gibber-gabber played like white noise in the background while you chewed on the dry bread at a frustratingly slow pace, your eyes glued to the Aztec patterns on the ceramic backsplash beyond the sink. After hearing you sigh for the fourth time in three minutes, Miche decided to finally speak up.

“You do realize you’re not going to war, right? It’s just your little girl, not a titan. What has got you this terrified?”

He was right. Why were you overthinking this? Luna was your own daughter. She could never hate you, could she? Would she despise you for not being there for her for the last two months? What if she refused to see you today? What if she refused to see you at all? Your breathing began speeding up again.

“Oi!”, Miche jerked his shoulder and shook you out of your thoughts. “Stop worrying, will you? It'll be just fine.”

This resulted in another sigh from you and an eyeroll from the two.

Hours flew by in a matter of what felt like seconds. It was already time to leave for the much-awaited reunion. You assured Miche that you were okay to drive when he offered you a lift. Upon beginning on the familiar route you took every day for the last five years before you moved, memories of the long periods you spent stuck in traffic, longing to see your family after an exhausting day at work flashed before your eyes. Unlike then, you were hoping to be stuck in it today, just so that you could buy more time to prepare yourself.

But obviously, life had other plans. You zoomed past surprisingly empty roads and didn’t have stop at many red lights. And before you knew it, you pulled up on the street outside the house, your house, within fifteen minutes. You sat in your car frantically shaking your leg and running your hands through your hair, looking at the little home where you had spent both the best and the worst days of your life.

Light emanated from the large windows, the Prussian blue front door that you and Levi had painted yourselves, was closed, the lawn was freshly mowed, and Luna’s swing set sat on the grass just like it did while you still lived there. The sight made your heart warm, but you couldn’t get yourself to walk towards it. You gripped the steering wheel and laid your head on it, trying to calm down, until a knock on the window caused you to jump. You looked up to find Levi hunched over and motioning you to step outside.

“Oi! You’ve been parked here for thirty minutes. Are you coming home or what?”, he asked when you lowered the window.

Home?

You decided to finally leave the comfortable confines of your vehicle and slowly made your way to the house, your heart beating rapidly. Levi’s hand found yours; the warmth from his fingers intertwining with yours made your breath hitch.

“It's going to be okay. She’s really excited to see you.”, he assured you when you met his eyes.

Inhaling deeply, you stepped inside the house. Everything looked exactly how you remembered it. The sheer white curtains lining the French windows were gently blowing with the breeze, the rich cherry-wood grandfather clock that stood ticking away at the far end of the living room, books were lined neatly on shelves, family pictures were mounted on the wall, warm yellow light from the lamps illuminated all these features - it was all unchanged. You were instantly drawn to the pictures. Letting go of Levi’s hand, you moved to stand in front of the wall, softened gaze roaming through them and reminiscing the happy memories they brought back.

“Mama!” You were roused from your reverie by a voice you yearned to hear for the last two months. Immediately, Luna had clung to your leg like a koala bear.

“Loonie!” you squealed, picking her up and pulling her into a solid embrace.

“I missed you, Mama!”, she reciprocated with an equally tight hug.

“Oh, I missed you so much more, baby girl!”, you didn’t realize when you began sobbing.

Levi, who was happily watching your reunion from a distance, walked closer and placed his hand on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze as a reminder for you to stay strong.

“I’ll get dinner ready. Moon beam, why don’t you take Mama up to your room?”, he drew Luna’s attention as you stole some moments to compose yourself. The little one zealously tugged on your hand and guided you upstairs yapping in excitement the whole way.

You watched in awe as she told you story after story about everything she could possibly remember since the day you last saw her. Her angelic voice was like cool water to your parched ears. What took you so long to come back here? All the fear of rejection vanished in thin air as Luna modeled the new dresses you just gifted to her, and showcased the toys and books that her doting Papa, uncles and aunts bought. She insisted that you tie her hair into two space buns like you always did before because apparently, “Papa never gets it right like you do.”

Levi leaned against the door frame and smiled at the sight of Luna theatrically narrating an especially thrilling story about her encounter with a ladybug in the backyard. He clicked a mental picture of his little girl's dramatic oration while you marveled at her as if she sprinkled the stars up in the sky. As soon as she was finished telling how the polka-dotted bug landed right on the ridge of her nose, she spotted her father and announced that the three of you were to immediately commence with a tea party.

Akin to the rest of the evening, Luna insisted upon sitting on your lap as you sipped on hibiscus tea that Levi brewed while she drank the warm turmeric latte that she requested you to make. You peppered the top of her head with kisses as the walls of your home reverberated with more tales about her day at the park, and about a puppy that tickled her fingers by licking them. At 8:00 PM sharp, Levi declared that it was time for dinner when you finished your respective beverages.

His signature dish, Tonkotsu ramen was on the menu that both you and Luna gobbled it up in no time. For dessert, you brought her favorite strawberry ice-cream mochi that you made yourself at the patisserie. You two ladies chatted away and Levi participated every now and then.  You couldn’t help but think how perfect this felt and going by his serene expression, Levi seemed to be mirroring your thoughts.

Bath time after dinner had been a routine as the three-year-old was still learning to eat by herself and more often than not, made a big mess. You volunteered to bathe her while he cleaned up.  He slet out a content sigh when Luna’s laughter accompanied by yours echoed through the house as you splashed her with water while she played in the tub. Even the most beautiful music in the world did not hold a candle to this harmony that was falling on his ears.

When it was finally time for bed, Luna was in deep slumber within minutes, drowsy after a warm bath and a fun-filled evening. You reclined on the bed by her side, caressing her hair and listening to her mellow snores, and Levi sat on the armchair by the bed, catching up on some reading, occasionally glancing at the pair of you.

It was tranquil. The light from her moon-shaped night lamp dimly illuminated the room. The dream catcher that you made for her swayed over your hear. Nothing but sound of the soft breaths of your baby and of Levi occasionally turning the page of his novel filled the air. There was no stress, no negativity, only peace of mind. With closed eyes, you took it all in, this life you missed so much.

You had been entranced for a while before feeling a soft tap on your forearm. Levi signaled you with his neck to head outside. Right as you tried to get out of bed as gently as possible, a little hand gripped yours tightly.

“Mama, don’t leave.”, the melancholy in Luna's sleepy voice tugged on the strings of your heart. You opened your mouth to respond, but words refused to spawn.

“Moon beam, Mama will be back home with us soon.”

Levi was now on the bed beside you, caressing Luna’s hair with one hand and clutching yours tightly with the other. It was hard to decide whether the sudden flutter in your heart was a result of bewilderment, or from the warmth of his words.

Making sure she was really asleep this time you both lightly kissed the snoozing baby, snugly tucked her in and made your way downstairs.

“Tea?”, he offered while entering the kitchen. You obliged, making yourself comfortable on the couch, not ignoring the sudden Deja- vu that dawned upon you.

He soon returned with two steaming cups of fragrant chamomile tea and sat next to you, stretching his arm on the backrest. He absentmindedly twirled strands of your hair between his fingers as you both sipped the hot beverage in a serene silence.

“I owe you an explanation.”, Levi finally began.

You turned to face him, with your back now resting against the arm of the couch. Poles apart from his usual calm demeanor, he looked... fidgety. His puffed the already plump pillows beside him, eyes glancing over everything in the room but you. Your continued silence was enough sign for him to go on with what he wanted to say.

“Uh... You are the first person I’m about to tell this to. In fact, I have never even uttered this out loud before. I only just came to terms with it myself.”, he exhaled sharply.

“What is it, Levi?”, you urged.

"Okay. Here goes. Something in me changed on the day Luna was born. I knew that as a father, I was expected to be her protector; that's what I was told a father should be. But- But I was too afraid for her. It was an obsession, almost blinding. It started with keeping the kid out of harm's way at all costs. But it just deteriorated from there. As she grew up, she wanted to try new things and explore. And you, like any parent would, encouraged her to do just that. It makes me sick to even say this, but my urge to shield Luna got so bad that I started to perceive you as a threat to our own daughter. I got these splitting headaches and I’d black out and lose track of what I was saying or doing every time things didn’t go my way. I didn’t even realize when I pushed you far, far away until it was too late.”, he sighed, his gaze locked on the blank television screen in front of him.

Your stomach was in twists, horrified face exuding your inability to grasp what you just heard. There was a long, pregnant pause as he waited for you to say something... anything.

“How could you?”

Levi and you had been together for a long time even before you married. You were offended that he could feel this way about you. It made you furious that he put you, Luna and himself through so much pain. Neither of you could control tears from being shed as he continually begged for your forgiveness.

"I knew I had fucked up, the moment I signed those papers. I turned our whole world upside down with my own hands. My mind felt like a prison that I could not break out of, and instead of letting you help me, I abandoned you.", he despaired.

Your rage started to evaporate when he described how lost he felt the moment you were gone; how he had hung on to Luna like his life depended on it, just to maintain his sanity. He was barely sleeping and the frequent nightmares he had were only making things worse. He told you how he had been working hard on controlling his impulses - starting by trusting Furlan, Isabel, Hange or Erwin with taking care of her in his absence.

“I can’t express how much I regret letting you go, love. I wish for every second of every day that I hadn't done it.”, He was breathing raggedly, as if trying hold back another wave of tears.

You quietly stared at him, unable to think of anything to say to him.

“It is getting late. I should leave.”, you sniffled as you began to gather your things.

Your mind was in scrambles; the heartache threatening another breakdown. It was almost midnight, the tea had done its job and you were exhausted, causing your feelings to be much more amplified than they would be otherwise. The last two days had been too much to process.

He nodded in despondency and watched you walking to the door.

It reminded him of something.

This.

This was his nightmare coming true. Again.

In his dream he was stuck to the floor, robbed of his voice, his limbs frozen. He couldn't let that miserable dream win this time. He needed to stop you. He had to have you back. He couldn't let you leave.

Not again.

Just as you were about to step out, he called out your name and reached out for your hand.

“Stay.”, he whispered, almost too softly.

“Levi, I have to be at work early tomor...”

“Why are you such a dumbass? Do I really need to spell everything out for you?”, he interrupted.

“You’re not helping your case right now.”, you raised your brow.

“I love you, you idiot. I let you go once, and I don’t want to do it again. I wont survive being away from you any longer. I need you. I horribly failed at being a good husband. But I promise I’ll make everything right if you give me another chance. Please.”, he begged, the lone tear running down his cheek shone in the dim luminescence of the room.

Dumbfounded, you gaped at his anguished face. You were wordlessly taking in what he had just said when he mistook your silence for rejection and turned around, looking dejected.

“Levi!”, you clutched his hand and pulled him towards you.

Your bodies collided, faces just a few inches away from each other's. Reaching for his face with your other hand, you wiped the tear away with your thumb.

“Kiss me.”, you breathed.

He looked... befuddled, unable to comprehend the words that just left your tongue. Getting impatient, you took it upon yourself to close whatever little distance that remained between you.

And like pieces of a puzzle, your lips met; perfectly merging together as if that’s where they always belonged. The stars that twinkled in front of your closed eyes accompanied were by ecstatic explosions in your heart and butterflies in your stomach. His lips tasted like sweet chamomile tea, with hints of the tangy strawberry from earlier. His touch was so gentle that you were transported back in time to the balcony of his old apartment where a shy Levi took all evening to muster up the courage to kiss you after your first date while it snowed outside.

The tenderness soon heightened into fiery passion when his hands wandered down to your thighs to pick you up and pin you against the door, slamming it shut. Waltzing tongues, heavy breaths, frisky hands; you were like two starving animals who were just presented with their favorite meals, hungrily grabbing the other and moaning into each other's mouths. He began to fiddle with the hem of your shirt, pulling it up with one hand as the other held you firmly against the door.

“Oi! What the fuck?”, Levi resembled a child who dropped his ice-cream on a hot summer day when you swatted his hand away.

“Slow down, Tiger. What’s the rush?”, you smiled coyly while wiggling out of his grip.

“I-I uh...”, He looked dazed, unable to form sentences.

“I love you too, Levi. I never stopped. But I don’t want to get hurt again. It has only been a day since we reconnected. Can we take this slow?”, you sighed, smoothing his hair and straightening out his shirt.

“We’ll go at whatever pace you’d like.”

A/N: So, did you ever expect to be Levi's Modern AU Zeke Yaeger? 🙊😬

Chapters: Five | Six | Seven

[awanderingdeal]

Hiii!!! I love all of your work sm, I was wondering if you would write more o’Darwin??? What about in the future of them finally getting to live together, no pressure at all though :)))

So, one of my big O'Darwin's HC'S is that it's not necessarily their goal to live together. I feel it's important to depict poly relationships in all their form including those that follow less traditional 'rules'. If you've read some of my other O'Darwin stuff, you might remember I've written Alex with other long-term relationships down in Florida aswell as short-term and hookups. Now, of course there is absolutely no problem if you want to HC them as living happily ever after in their nice little house together, it's just not something I imagine. This was my attempt at writing something that hopefully meets your happy O'Darwin desires. It ended up kind of emosh!

Rating: T

CW: mentions of career ending injury, food, small sexual joke,

Credit for these characters and the sweater weather universe goes to @lumosinlove

"And," Alex drew the word out as he placed the last of his roll necks into the closet. "Done."

"Finally. It only took 3 days." Kasey huffed from where he lay on the chaise-lounge, watching Alex unpack the last of the boxes he'd had shipped from Florida. "Did you and Finn take the whole of fifth avenue when you left the state?"

"I need options, and I don't see you complaining when I'm wearing the clothes."

Natalie scoffed, leaning against the door of the closet. "O'Hara, please. You'd look good dressed in a bin bag and you know it. Come on, I made breakfast."

"She ordered breakfast," Kasey laughed, hauling himself upright.

Parts of Alex had been accumulating in the apartment for years: the toothbrush in the bathroom; the drawer of clothing that held the things he didn't want to keep bringing back and forth, his mug in the kitchen, to name a few. Now though, it felt more permanent, more deliberate. A whole closet. The online shopping list updated to include his personal favourites, rather than just grabbing them on the way from the airport. Finding mail for him in between Kasey and Natalie's letters this morning.

"9 months! I can't believe we get you for 9 months," Natalie grinned, bending to squeeze Alex's cheeks and pressing her lips to his forehead before folding her legs beneath her onto one of the large cushions opposite, Kasey between them.

"You'll be sick of me in a week." Alex chuckled reaching across the low table to grab one of the acai bowls.

"If you keep leaving your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor then we will," Kasey hummed, sipping at his mug of dark coffee. If the steam rising from it was any indication then it was still incredibly hot, but Kasey didn't flinch. He cocked his head, inspecting Alex's face. "Seriously, how are you feeling about it?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm still working through it with Jacob, but mostly I'm focusing on the positives. I get to be here with you two and Finn whilst I finish recovering and I begin coaching at the college almost as soon as I'm back in Florida so there won't really be anytime to wallow in the misery."

"Are you miserable?" Natalie frowned.

"I think the not knowing was the worst part," Alex smiled softly. "Now that I know that I can't play anymore, it feels easier somehow. I always knew there was a possibility of something like this happening. All it takes is one bad hit, an injury that just won't heal -" Kasey rubbed his thigh and Alex reached for his hand reassuringly. "But the thought that maybe, just maybe, if I did everything right, then I could get back on the ice was driving me crazy. I could make a plan once it was final, y'know? I have a plan."

"Do you miss Florida?"

Alex paused, halfway through digging out the passionfruit from its skin. He glanced at Natalie, the tight lines around her eyes revealing the nervousness she rarely showed. "If you're asking whether I miss Kiran, then yes. I miss her. Just like I miss you when I'm there. There's no better. Just different."

"Fuck, I know, sorry," Natalie said, letting out a long breath. "I don't know what came over me."

"Oh no," Alex deadpanned. "She's having emotions. Someone call the press, Natalie Darcy might actually be human."

"Shut up, I hate you," Natalie scoffed, flicking a grain of puffed rice across the table at Alex.

"She loves me, doesn't she?" Alex whispered in Kasey's direction. "I bet she tells you all the time.

"You're both a pain in my ass."

"You wish," Natalie laughed.

"Maybe later," Alex chimed.

Kasey rolled his eyes, taking another bite of his egg sandwich without comment. Alex gave a contented sight. Tomorrow, Kasey would go to practice, Natalie would go to the studio and Alex would have to find some way to entertain himself that wouldn't leave him bored and depressed, but for today he just wanted to enjoy being with the people he loved.

[fullycakedup-brownie]

Thank you, lemonheads

Disclaimer: non-pandemic AU; winter setting; fluff; a pinch of spice to make everything nice; swearing; Length: 3906 words; Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen AU; Characters: Yuuji/Sukuna x Black!Fem!Reader

The alarm did not go off at 7 am since it was Saturday, yet your eyes have been wide open for about one hour. The sun rays brought light on the ashy winter sky and you lazily shifted in your bed to check the time. How is it only 7:47 while I feel I’ve been laying here forever? You asked yourself in a deep sigh before you threw away the blanket and sat up on the edge of the bed. A life-saving decision you had taken the night before when you braided your hair, for not a single molecule in your body was able to deal with those shoulder-length thick curls after you wasted your night staring at the ceiling. Your body has developed a habit to wake up around 1 am for no particular reason and have you losing your mind over it. Usually, you managed to fall back asleep quickly, but that night between Friday and Saturday you just couldn’t. No one was online on any social media platform, you knew it would take you more time than available to pick one of the thirty million shows that you wanted to catch up on and you didn’t want to fuck up your night completely, so you forced yourself back into slumber. But now it was morning, your eyes tired and your body heavy.

With your mind set on still having a wonderful free weekend, you rummaged through the cabinets in the lovely apartment you had been thrilled to finally afford, in a futile attempt to grab a bite. You breathed deeply while counting down from ten after finding exactly half of a package of Lemonheads and some leftover seafood on a plate in the fridge. The initial plan was abandoned with the calamari as you headed for the bathroom, knowing for a fact that a nice scrubbing session during a dangerously hot shower will whoosh away all the fatigue and annoyance.

Fresh smell, moisturized gleaming skin, proud dark-brown eyes staring at you from the mirror made you put on a cheeky smile and leave the bathroom barefoot. One step into your bedroom and your stomach almost shouted at you. Ah, I do gotta eat something. McDonald’s it is, then. You were quick to agree to yourself and also to get dressed and leave the house. It has been snowing for a few days so the pavements were covered in a dense layer of white wonder, which made you decide to walk to the breakfast provider, instead of driving there. It wasn’t that far and you also loved the city landscapes.

The neon-yellow combat boots contrasted considerably with the red coat and drew the attention of the entire crowd inside McDonald’s, including one specific young man that was sitting alone at a table in the back. He watched your silhouette walk by a group of boys that didn’t even try to mask their reaction to your looks as you headed to the line to place your order.

“Even I know that it’s not nice to stare,” Sukuna talked all of a sudden, startling poor Itadori and causing him to sink his head deeper in the hood.

“Shut up, someone could hear you,” the boy whispered, looking down on his tray to avoid being heard by other customers.

“Is that the girl you’ve been going on about lately?”

“What girl? There’s no girl. What girl?” Yuuji panicked a bit, the heart racing in his chest letting Sukuna know he was right. Again.

“It’s not that hard. Just go there, what the fuck are you so scared about?” The otherwise thoughtless demon cared to push his host up on his feet.

Swallowing his anxiety along with the gallon of saliva in his mouth, Yuuji left his table, threw the sandwich’s wrapping paper in the trash bin when he passed by and stalled in your proximity on his way out. He just wanted to see you better than he could do it on the high school corridors in the lunch break, but blame it on the coincidence theory, that was the exact moment some Lemonheads slipped from the pocket of your black cargo pants when you pulled out your phone. That was a chance he was not willing to sacrifice. He dropped in a squat, picked the wrapped candies and smiled at you.

“I think you dropped these.”

You turned your head in the direction of the familiar voice only to find the cheerfully grinning pink-haired boy that you could’ve sworn you would fight anyone for.

“Hi. Oh, yes, thanks,” you replied in a pretty much measured tone and grabbed the candies from his palm.

“I’m Yuuji, by the way.” The shot was fired and his blood started boiling under the tension of his mind analyzing all the possible ways you could’ve answered to him. You could’ve laughed, whooshed him away, cringed at his boldness, pulled away or even cut his words. But he did not expect you to shake his hand, with a big smile plastered on your face.

“Alex here. Hi. Do you wann-” the number of your order appeared on the big screen and you paused your question, “-be right back at ya,” you smiled at Yuuji and went to the lady waiting with your bag.

As soon as your eyes got away from his face, Itadori let out a brief silent sigh and filled his hoodie pocket with his fists. This is good. I can do this. What if I ask her out? He was deep in thoughts when a lady shook his shoulder. “Young man, are you ordering, or just blocking the line?” The “I’m tired of you teenagers’ attitude” look on her face disturbed Yuuji and he left the spot, joining you at the front desk.

“Wasn’t you supposed to tell me you were out of the pancake meal? Why did you take my money then?” You tried really hard to hold back some yelling, but a vein on your forehead was definitely popping out.

“What’s the matter?” The boy asked, stopping next to you.

Pure sarcasm on your face when you looked from the staff girl to Yuuji. “I shall be starving to death today.”

“Miss, we can give you something else for the same amount. My colleagues weren’t awa-“

“Just give her a refund. We’ll be fine,” Yuuji stepped in and had both you and the other girl confused.

She gave your money back a bit half-hearted, and truth be told, you were feeling like that too, not only because you were hungry, but man, you loved the pancakes and the bacon and the eggs.

“Where are we going?” You asked, following Itadori out the restaurant after he motioned you to do so.

“I always wanted to try this food, instead of the usual fast-food.”

You had no idea what he was talking about, nor where he was leading you, but your guts weren’t agitated. There was something about that boy that screamed “safety” in your ears. The trip to the unknown food place he was taking you was short and you didn’t really get the time to make any small talk. Yuuji turned his body to face you, suddenly spreading and lifting his arm high up, a cheeky grin on his face when he exclaimed, “I present you ‘Gyros’, my new obsession.”

The fact that no word came out of your mouth as you stood in front of him, with your eyes blinking quickly, wiped Yuuji’s smile away. His confidence took a hike when his hands dropped from the air, where they were pointing at the ‘Gyros’ sign. “Should we just go back to McDonald’s?” He asked, rubbing the back of his head and frowning bashfully, not only because your glare fixed him, but also because Sukuna was laughing powerfully inside his mind.

“You. You have no idea where you just brought me,” your voice sounded more serious than you intended, so you giggled on purpose to loosen the tension because Yuuji looked like he was about to pass out from embarrassment. “Boy, relax. I was kidding-“ you barely held back a laugh, “-this is not my first ride with Gyros,” you finished and rested your palm on his shoulder. The pressure in his chest got released once he realized your playful attitude and he redirected his attention to placing an order he was about to pay for entirely.

Food hits differently at the standing tables and so do conversations. There you were, eating one of your favourite foods, chatting with your newest pal and enjoying the view of the tall city buildings that surrounded you. Once he found comfort in your presence, Yuuji opened up and he appeared even cuter to you than he did before. His eyes would gleam when you found his stupid jokes funny and his loud laughter would join yours when you gossiped like two best friends. The cutest thing about Itadori that you found yourself adoring was that he closed his eyes every time he bit on the gyros. You allowed a discreet smile to form on your lips as you admired him and he wasn’t aware of it. No matter how big of a portion you would’ve bought, it couldn’t take you an eternity to finish up your plate. You actually finished yours sooner than the boy, to steal a few more seconds of watching him perform such an automatic and usual activity as eating because he looked so precious doing it.

“Here, help me up.” Yuuji’s voice pulled you out of your daydreaming just as swiftly as the fry that he pushed into your gaping mouth. You chomped on it instantly and caused Yuuji to laugh at your confused face. “Listen, are you busy today? I was wondering if we could wal-“

“Yes, let’s go,” you answered almost instantly, chugging the rest of the Sprite in the paper cup and grinning back at Yuuji who was once again flustered.

The boy’s face flushed red and he smiled at you right before wiping his lips with a napkin and gathering all the food wrapping. “Where do you want to go?” You asked, watching him have a brain glitch for having to wipe his hands on his pants because he has thrown away all the tissues.

“I was thinking of arcade games, but we don’t have to if you don’t want to, I mean…” Yuuji suggested in a low voice causing Sukuna to roll his eyes aggressively. You are even dumber than I thought, brat. The poor boy shook his head to get rid of the voice and by doing that he missed your reply.

“Hey, did you hear what I said?” You shouted, thinking that he didn’t hear you because of all those car horns on the street.

“Yeah, no, sure. Of course, we can do that instead.”

“Bruh, you’re damaged!” You shouted again and started laughing. “I said I will destroy you in the arcade,” you continued, still full-on laughing, the slight touch of your hand on his arm sending him your cheerful vibes.

“If you say so, let’s test it.” Yuuji caught some courage and sped up the pace. “Can you run in those?” He pointed at your boots and chuckled when you threw him a very offended look.

“Excuse you, I can beat you to it!” You accepted the challenge and sprinted away from Yuuji. His light-brown eyes widened in surprise and he started running.

No, you did not win the race. He was already inside RedLine VR when you managed to arrive at the doorstep, barely catching your breath. “I-… I need- … whoa… where did you get that stamina from?” The mock-neck long-sleeved top was practically suffocating you.

“I don’t know. Guess I’m gifted.” Again rubbing the back of his head bashfully, that boy could not be cuter. Or so you thought.

He led you inside the place and even helped you take your coat off as you cracked your knuckles in preparation for beating Yuuji’s ass up in video games. The coloured light from the video game’s display reflected in your gold hoop earrings as much as they reflected in your wide-open gleaming eyes. His eyes spent more time taking in the shape of your face and the colour of your skin more than they did on the actual screen. You unknowingly made him bite his bottom lip when you let out a different type of chuckle. You wanted it to sound devilish, but it didn’t come out quite like that.

Imagine her moaning with that voice, Sukuna busted in Yuuji’s mind, his own rather full of your image, and caused a deep blush on the kid’s face. It was annoying how much affect you had on Yuuji, and he tried to not look at you like that anymore.

Itadori was good at sports, not games, and you won countless rounds leisurely. Each time you shouted your victory, you clapped your hands in delight and made a funny face to Yuuji. He faked slight envy at first, his pathetic whines giving Sukuna a real headache, but eventually, your general happy state made the boy smile. If somebody observed him, they would’ve figured it out in one second that you completely entranced him. As funny as it was to see him struggling to fight you for the first place in the game, you grew bored of the arcade and suggested you went somewhere else.

“Do you want to go to a park?” Yuuji asked, his mind quickly mapping the area for the closest park.

Too many people around, huh? An evil chuckle hit the corners of the poor boy’s head and he tried to keep his secret hidden furthermore.

“A park sounds good, Yuuji. Can I call you Yuuji?” Only after you said it out loud, you remembered about the Japanese courtesy and, feeling a bit weird, you made yourself busy with putting your coat back on.

“Yeah, sure, you can call me Yu-,“ “Daddy,” his voice was cut off by Sukuna’s who whispered loudly enough for the teens around you two to hear.

“YUUJI!” He tried to mask the demon’s voice and covered the mouth on his cheek instantly. “You can call me Yuuji.” He swallowed hard and then smiled as if nothing happened.

“You’re weird, but cutely,” you said with a cheeky smile as you made your way out the room.

He followed soon after scolding his so-called co-inhabitant and walked by your side, between you and the busy road. You took your time walking to Winnemac Park since it would’ve been too much of a bother to take the bus for only one short station. Once inside the park, you felt like the world around you changed: there was undisturbed snow everywhere, Sun was slowly going down and it was silent. Your romantic side emerged and you hung your hand on Yuuji’s forearm. Your affection was electrifying, and even if he didn’t see it coming and hadn’t prepared for it, the boy accepted it gladly by sticking his hand in the hoodie big front pocket, to help your hand rest better on his arm. Fifteen minutes of walking through town have been filled with school gossip, laughing and “get-to-know-you-better” stuff, but as the cold settled down, you both became quieter.

“Hey, look.” You left Yuuji’s side by a couple of steps and you squatted down to grab something from the pavement.

“Wha-“ Boy didn’t stand a chance against your mischievous snowball attack. “Oh, you did not!” He laughed and leaned to the side to gather some snow for his part of the game.

The war was set into motion. Yuuji found it admirable that you managed to dodge many of his shots even while you almost choked on your own laughter. He loved to see you smiling and having a good time, especially because it was due to his actions. For a second, he got lost again in your smile and the snowball that you threw hit him right in the face. The hand he held a snowball in was frozen above his head, as he had prepared to throw it at you before falling in trance. He had no reaction whatsoever and it worried you a hell lot.

“I’m so sorry, Yuuji, are you ok?” You rushed closer to him and wiped the snow off his face with gentle and burning hands.

When his eyes opened, you hated yourself for falling into that old trap. His arms circled you abruptly and he intended to make you fall in the snow, but you proved more agile than he thought and you escaped. Your freedom didn’t last long, though, for he tackled you. Only, he didn’t see that you have reached the margin of the sidewalk and you would’ve fallen on your ass if it wasn’t for his strong grip. He looked astonishing towering like that over you, and not only the situation was somewhat hot, but you also hated to see him win the fight. One of your legs jerked fast and cut Yuuji’s balance, making him fall over you in the snow. Light-brown eyes met dark-brown ones and the imminent sparkle tied your insides in a tight knot. His face was so close to yours that it had you imagine what would happen if you kissed him right then and there. Yet, none of you two moved a muscle, except for the throat muscles who kept gulping timidly.

Alex and Yuuji are in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g! Sukuna’s words echoed in Itadori’s mind and they added to the closeness between your face and his, making him blush deeply. He stood up slowly and helped you on your feet too. Again silence as each of you cleaned the snow off of yourselves, avoiding the awkward moment.

“So, what now? I’m not cold anymore.” You snapped out of it and gave your best to look as normal as before in front of him, even if your stomach had a watermelon-sized hole inside.

“It’s getting late and I don’t really know the city that well at night. You want me to walk you to a bus station or something?” He asked, barely holding his composure in front of you while Sukuna yelled in his mind nonsense like You’re a chicken. A loser. Fucking lame-ass, stupid motherfucker. You could’ve kissed her. You should’ve kissed her! I should’ve taken over the control and kissed her right there!

“Sure. I don’t live far from here actually, you can walk me home if you want,” you suggested, hoping that he won’t interpret it the wrong way.

The weather became surprisingly harsh after sundown and your little coat didn’t do much in protecting you. Instinctively, you neared Itadori more, lured by the warmth his body radiated. As you balanced your gravity centre from one leg to the other, constantly moving your hands to try to keep them from freezing, your hand brushed against Itadori’s, which was hanging loosely by his body. He definitely felt it because you saw his jaw clenching, but he didn’t bring it up. So you did it again.

Oh, man, she’s got balls bigger than you, Sukuna mocked his host and then proceeded to laugh. You’re not gonna do anything about it?

Your ring and middle finger brushed the side of Yuuji’s hand softly as you two continued walking. When his pinkie interlocked with yours, you were no longer cold. The hole in your stomach filled with butterflies and you could feel your heart pounding against your chest. You hated yourself for being that flustered and weak, but from the way his other fingers circled your hand, you knew the feelings would only get more intense. The dark fell rather quickly and you found yourself squeezing Yuuji’s hand, to which he chuckled.

“Are you afraid of darkness?” He asked in a low tone, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“L-lol, no,” you stuttered a bit but smiled as you looked up to Yuuji, who was just teasing you with a gentle look in his eyes.

The way back home is always shorter and you reached the front door of the building you lived in with a lump in your throat. It was time to let go of his hand and maybe, who knew, let go of that moment too. You didn’t know much about Yuuji other than he was a foreign exchange student, who came for who knows how much time in Chicago, he liked Gyros as much as you and he had a lot of running stamina.

“Well, this is where I live, so… see you at school?” You asked sheepishly, slowly growing aware of the blush on Itadori’s face that was now visible because of the street light close-by.

Do it, brat. Do it now. Don’t be a pussy.

“Listen, Alex… Today has been a very nice day and I’m glad you dropped your candies.”

You scoffed at his hilarious confession and attempted to pull your hand away from his, but just as before, in the park when he caught you, Yuuji’s grip remained firm. “No, let me hold it a bit more,” he whispered, taking a step closer to you.

JUST DO IT ALREADY! You’ll thank me later. Sukuna could hear all of Yuuji’s thoughts and feel the desperate hollow in the boy’s chest. He couldn’t take Yuuji’s reticence anymore. Black marks began appearing on Yuuji’s cheekbones and chin and as soon as he sensed his conscience being ripped from him, the boy shouted. “Ok, ok, I’ll do it!”

“Uhm, I didn’t ask you anything… What’s wrong?” You squeezed his hand once more as you tried to understand what was just about to happen to his face and why he screamed like that.

“Ignore that. It-it’s a long story and I’d rather not tell it now,” Itadori released your hand and stared at you dead in the eye. “How mad would you be if I kissed you right now?”

Your face caught fire. Your ears were burning and your stomach was doing front flips. You barely got to whisper anything before Yuuji’s palms grabbed your cheeks and he slammed his lips on yours. They were soft and warm and he kissed you so slowly that it had you melting in his arms. Your own lips parted to welcome him just as hungrily as your hands tugged at his hoodie to keep him close. He pulled back, eventually, and you smiled at each other in the surprise of what just happened. His forehead leaned on yours and the way you burst into laughter made Yuuji laugh too.

“I hope I didn’t ruin today…” he whispered, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs, but not parting from your figure yet.

“I can’t wait to see you again, boy,” you cooed, stealing another peck from him before you turned to enter the building.

You barely walked up the stairs with a grin splattered on your face and increased heart rate and once you entered your apartment, you slid down your door and laughed alone for a couple of minutes. That just happened and you were there and he was there and what’s gonna happen now? In the same way, Yuuji called himself an Uber and got inside with palms sweating and a happy frown on his face.

“Finally taking my advice. She was too cute to waste, man. If you didn’t take the chance, I would’ve.”

“Sukuna shut the hell up. I kissed her first.”

I just want to thank @half-baked-biscuit for writing this fanfic for me that I sent in as a commission. I really do appreciate her writing a black fem reader and her taking the time to write this amazing fluff with yuuji/sukuna. I love you bitch T^T. Also credit to the artist for the picture above @hinamie. This was an amazing design so I just had to use it! Please like, reblog, and comment :3

Heres the link to the original post of the artist: https://hinamie.tumblr.com/post/635380113076355072/th-designs-in-this-show-r-god-tier-thank-u-jjk 

Taglist: @half-baked-biscuit @siriusimie @mangobxbbletea @corduroyrose

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 6, Ch. 3

PART 6: THE YEAR WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS INTO PLACE Chapter 3 - The Sneaking Stories

Charlie

I was enjoying my Sixth Year a lot more than my Fifth. I finally felt like I had more time to do the things I wanted even though we had a lot of school work. The thing was, I think we got so used to the amount of work the professors were giving us that we managed to learn how to find free time.

I was spending quite a lot of my time with Hagrid. He finally deemed me old enough so I could go into the Forest with him. We met Torvus a couple of times and I can't even begin to explain how awkward it was the first time, even though Hagrid knew Nova and I snuck into the Forest and met Aragog.

We managed to save a Unicorn, who got its leg stuck in a tree vine, and brought Fairy eggs to a Bowtruckle family. It was so fun that I would do it every day if Hagrid would have the time.

Nova also snuck me in a few times to see her Salamander. Kettleburn gave her access to the Creature Reserve and she brought me along even though she made a promise to him that she wouldn't sneak in any students. Now, that's a true friend! We even took Pip once with us so he could meet Pyro. At first, he wasn't amused at all but when the Salamander indicated that he wanted to play, he was up for it immediately.

Nova took the opportunity to sit down and draw them both together. She knew it would make Pip happy if she drew him again, even though she had a whole notebook filled with drawings of him. He just really liked her attention and we had that in common.

I was having so much fun with her. I could hang out with her 24 hours a day for a week and couldn't get enough of her. If we weren't in the Reserve, we were down by the Lake.

We loved going to Hogsmeade and not just for Butterbeer, sometimes we just strolled around and reminisced on our Third Year when we first visited the village and how much fun it was to have Bill around even though we swore we would never admit to him that we miss him at Hogwarts.

—

There was a moment before Christmas when we took a trip to Hogsmeade and Nova wanted to go for a walk. I wanted to get her opinion on my motivational speech for my Quidditch Team. I knew I was good at catching the Snitch but I was not a smooth talker. The Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor game was approaching after the Holidays and I wanted to impress them for the first time.

We were coming up with all sorts of things to say and then we started to create really funny ones, where I would throw Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans at them or the one where I would threaten them with Tonks' Dungbomb if we would lose. Nova was laughing so much that I never wanted to stop creating these silly speeches just so I could admire how beautiful she is when she laughs.

And there was this moment when she laughed so hard that she buried her head in my shoulder, grabbing my elbow with one hand and my hand with her other one. I tried to act as unphased about it as I could even though I was quite sure she could hear how fast my heart was beating. At that moment I didn't know what to think of it. For a few seconds we were practically holding hands and I know it doesn't sound as exciting but it was a rather big deal to me.

It made me realize that I would have to tell her sooner or later about fancying her but I couldn't gather the courage to say anything as she still seemed not to notice that there is something between us.

—

Nova also attended every single one of my Quidditch practices just to support me being Captain. Which reminds me that she was right when she said that I will find someone great to be Keeper for my Team. His name is Oliver Wood and he is brilliant!

He is a big Quidditch enthusiast and attended every Quidditch World Cup with his dad since he could remember. As a Captain, I was proud of my Team and I really don't want to brag but we destroyed Hufflepuffs this year. Only Slytherin and Ravenclaw to go. I fully supported Nova to quit Quidditch even though I can't help admit I will miss fighting for the Snitch with her.

One downside about spending so much time with her, was that my feelings for her are growing stronger and if I think about it, perhaps it was for the best that we didn't play against each other because I knew I wouldn't be able to leave these feelings off the Pitch anymore.

Nova

I woke up to a sunny Sunday morning. I made my way down to the Common Room alone because Tulip was already gone. I opened the door, ready to go down for breakfast as I yawned.

“Wotcher, Blackwood!” I jumped into the air and if I wasn't completely awake before, I definitely was now.

“Tonks! Merlin's beard, you scared the living ghost out of me!” I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to calm down.

“You called?” I jumped into the air again as I heard a voice right behind my ear.

“Peeves?!” I exclaimed. Too much was happening for someone that hasn't eaten breakfast yet.

“Tonks, what is going on?” I narrowed my eyes at her. She wanted something, I knew it.

“I need your help.” She grinned. I did not like the look on her face or the sound of her voice.

“What with?” I asked.

“Listen, Blackwood! We are in our Sixth Year, we have to focus!” Her grin was getting bigger and she began to terrify me.

“What on? Studying?” I asked, perplexed as I knew that was the last thing on her mind, giving that it was only the beginning of our second term.

“Mischief!” She rolled her eyes as if she was completely disappointed that I didn't guess that. I knew I didn't like the expression on her face!

Tonks has always liked to wreak havoc but she usually did it with Tulip or Jae. Penny didn't want to participate after they placed the Dungbomb in Filch's office. I was, like today, usually dragged into it against my will and Charlie was too busy sneaking into the Forbidden Forest so Tonks rarely found him. Otherwise, I am sure, she would drag him along.

“Tonks, I really...”

“Yeah, yeah. You can tell me on the way.” She grabbed my hand and started dragging me down the corridor.

“But-”

“We can stop in the Great Hall so you can grab a sandwich.” How did she know I wanted to say that?

“But-”

“I already told your Dragon Boy that you will meet him later.” Was she reading my mind?

“But-”

“I know. I know, you're a Prefect and you have responsibilities, blah blah blah.” She mimicked with her hand. At this point, I was sure something was wrong with her.

She was always full of energy and ready to mess stuff up but this mood she was in right now was unusual, even for her.

“Where are you taking me?” I finally gave up as I knew I couldn't get out of it anymore. At least I got my sandwich.

“You'll see.” That wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting.

“And why is Peeves here?” I looked up. Peeves was floating just above our heads and humming something to himself. I never knew what to make of him. If I could, I avoided him. I had no idea that he actually listened to Tonks.

“You'll get your answers later, Blackwood!” And why was she calling me by my last name?

“Tonks?”

“Yes?” She kept looking straight ahead, her eyes sparkling like those of Charlie's when someone told him they liked animals or wanted to talk about Dragons.

“Did Penny experiment on you with her potions again?” I couldn't help but be a bit worried.

In our Fourth Year Penny gained access to Snape's potion ingredients and his classroom. The Calming Draught for Tonks was the only normal potion she made so far. She wanted to create her own potions for every occasion and when she asked us if anyone would volunteer Tonks was the only one with her hand up. We were grateful for it and said nothing as the rest of us didn't want to get even close to Penny's little experiments.

So far she had more failures than successes as she made Tonks' teeth grow so large that she looked like a beaver and Madam Pomfrey had to sort her out. She made a potion that made Tonks lose all her hair and then made the antidote that made Tonks look like a Yeti.

This time, I was sure she gave her an energy potion, as I was already tired next to her and it wasn't even 10 o'clock. I just wanted to go with Charlie to the Forest to read this book we got in the Library about unregistered beast species. He found a nice spot going to the Forest with Hagrid. It wasn't too deep in and it didn't look like anyone would be bothered by us being there and it had just enough sunlight so we could read.

“No, Blackwood. I'm sober as a pickle!” She snapped me out with her answer.

We didn't speak until we reached the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, where Tulip was waiting for us.

“Hi, Nova.” She grinned. What was happening? Is every day with them like this?

“Tulip, what is going on?” I was hoping she wasn't on some kind of a potion too, so somebody could explain to me why I am here.

“Peeves, go check if the coast is clear.” All hope was lost for me to get any information, when Tulip whispered to Peeves, ignoring my question and he entered the classroom.

“Nobooooody insiiiiiide.” Peeves sang as he came back. Tonks gave him something that looked like a Fanged Frisbee and he flew away.

“Blackwood, you're up!” Tonks pushed me towards the door.

“I don't even know what we're doing!” I turned to both of them, more confused than I have ever been before.

“I reckon you didn't tell her about our plan?” Tulip rubbed her chin, looking at Tonks.

“Alright, listen carefully, Blackwood!” She pulled both Tulip and me in a half hug and stuck our heads together.

“We are sneaking into Rakepick's office.” She started.

“Rakepick's office!” I knew that her office was part of the classroom and it did make more sense that they would want to get in there rather than the classroom alone, but I failed to understand what they wanted from her office.

“Blackwood, focus!” She pointed two fingers to my eyes, almost poking me in the process, and then pointed them at hers.

“We are going to steal something from her!” She said proudly as if she just finished telling me a mastermind plan.

“What are we going to...” But before I could ask the question, I already knew the answer. “Her Niffler!” I gasped. “Are you mental? Rakepick is crazy, she will find out it was us sooner or later.”

“It depends how good you are at lying, Blackwood.” She slammed my back, making me stand straight.

“Why do you need me for this job?” I asked as I still didn't know why wasn't I with Charlie in the Forest instead of here being confused.

“I thought Ravenclaws were smart.” Tonks frowned at me as if it had to be clear as a Sunny day as to what my part in all of this was.

“We can't smuggle a Niffler without being too obvious.” Tulip finally started to explain. “So we need your Transfiguration talent.” She pointed her wand to the door and cast Alohamora. The door unlocked and creaked when she pushed it open.

“Transfigure it?” I whispered when we closed the door behind us. “Are you mad!”

“Perhaps, Blackwood. But that's a topic for another day.” Tonks answered. She ran upstairs where the bookshelves were, opened the doors to Rakepick's office, and brought down her Niffler.

“How did you know he was going to be in there?” I was impressed just how fast we were able to find him.

“You underestimate us, Blackwood. We were planning this for weeks.” Tonks beamed at me, handing me the Niffler.

“Yeah, thank's for filling me in!” I said, sarcastically.

“No problem.” I frowned at her as she made me sit down.

“So...” She put her hand on her chin, looking like she was deep in thought. “What do you reckon he looks like?” She asked. At this point, I honestly gave up on questioning her.

“A turtle? A snake? An owl perhaps?” I stared at her, my eyes as wide as they possibly could be.

“A turtle?” I turned to Tulip. “What did Penny give her?”

“She's always like this when we're up to no good.” Tulip swung her hand like Tonks' behavior was completely normal. If this was Tonks every time they went to cause mischief, I needed a new strategy to hide from her.

“C'mon, Blackwood! You're supposed to be good at this. Which spell that we did in class would, you reckon, be the best to Transfigure this Niffler?” I finally understood what she meant when she was listing animals. She was trying to remember all the animals we transfigured in our class.

“I could try turning him into a pincushion without pins...” At this point, I just gave in and I knew the faster I would do my part, the faster I could get out of here. “Or he is rather small, perhaps he would do as a Goblet?” I took out my wand.

“Ericius Languo.” As soon as I tapped on the Niffler, he turned into an empty pincushion.

“Blimey.” Tulip whispered in awe.

“Bloody Hell, Blackwood! I knew you were the right person for the job!” She tapped my back, gentler this time.

“What are you going to do with it?” I forgot that I didn't even know why we were doing this.

“We wanted to see how long will it take for Rakepick to figure out her Niffler is gone.” Explained Tulip, now holding the pincushion and observing my work.

“We reckon she is mistreating him.” Added Tonks.

“And if she notices he is gone at once?” I narrowed my eyes. It was a nice gesture for the Niffler but still, I believe we could find a way where he wouldn't be stuck like a pincushion for like a week.

“Then we will need your help transfiguring it back and we would return it.” Tonks said most casually as if what we were doing was just another Sunday.

We snuck back out of the classroom, Tonks gently holding the pincushion Niffler and they finally let me go. I ran down to the Forbidden Forest to meet Charlie, hoping he didn't already finish the book.

—

We had Defense Against the Dark Arts the first thing the next morning. I thought that we got away with it as we didn't leave any traces behind. I didn't even tell Charlie about what we did, not to drag him into the whole thing. The second Professor Rakepick stepped from her office, I saw on her face that she was missing a Niffler.

“Before we start today's lesson, I have a question for you.” She leaned on her desk and looked at every single one of us, narrow-eyed. Her gaze stopped at me and I gulped.

“Miss Blackwood!” She pushed herself away from the desk and slowly made her way to me in the third row.

“Where were you yesterday morning?” She stopped at my desk and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for my answer.

“I was snogging Charlie by the Lake.” For the life of me, I couldn't understand why I said that. Charlie, who was snoozing on my shoulder and failed to wake up when Rakepick started the class, rose his head up at once, his eyes wide open.

“Mr. Weasley, nice of you to join us.” Rakepick's eyes moved to him.

“You did what?” He turned to me, completely ignoring our Professor.

“I'll explain later, just follow my lead.” I whispered, still looking at Rakepick. I glanced at Tulip and she winked at me. I swear I will murder them both!

“Did you, or did you not snog Miss Blackwood down by the Lake yesterday morning?” Rakepick leaned towards Charlie who was just as red in the face as I was and repeated the question.

“Yes, ma'am. That was me.” He replied, awkwardly. Apparently, the answer worked, as it left Rakepick with no further questions.

She then took a step backward and stopped at the desk in front of us, where Jae and Tulip were sitting.

“Did you snog and then Obliviate me?” Charlie whispered as Rakepick was trying to have a stare-off with Tulip.

“Char, later.” I replied, my cheeks still burning.

“You know, if you want to snog me, all you have to do is ask.” At these words, I turned to him and he winked at me. He was so smooth lately that I couldn't believe half the words that came out of his mouth.

“Miss Karasu.” Rakepick's voice saved me as I didn't really know what to reply to Charlie's offer.

“And what were you doing yesterday morning? Were you snogging too?” She leaned on her elbows, inches away from Tulip's nose. She was on to us.

“As a matter of fact, I was.” She said casually, leaned towards Jae, and kissed his cheek. Charlie and I exchanged looks and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him as I have never seen him so confused in his life.

Rakepick didn't quite know how to react to this, so she glared at both of us angrily and started the class.

As we made our way down to the Great Hall after the class was over, Tulip was still laughing despite being quite proud of my answer.

“You should have seen your face Charlie when Nova said she snogged you.” She was holding her stomach, laughing so hard. Charlie's cheeks turned pink again and he rolled his eyes at her.

“She did what?!” Charlie, Jae, Tulip, and I all turned around to see Tonks winking at me and Penny holding her hands over her mouth.

“Nice catch, Nova!” Tonks tapped my shoulder.

“You two are finally together?” Penny's voice was higher than Flitwick's.

“What?” Was all I managed to say. What did she mean finally?

“We are not together Penny, I don't know what's going on either.” Charlie explained, completely calm.

“But you snogged?” Penny looked rather disappointed.

“In Nova's story, we did, yes.” Charlie pointed at me. Tulip was so busy laughing that I didn't have the time to explain to Charlie what was going on.

“Did you dream you were snogging him?” Penny beamed at me.

“Oh, for Merlin's sake!” I rolled my eyes and pushed them all into the Great Hall. We finally told them what we did and why we had to lie.

“Nice one, Nova! Making her uncomfortable.” Tonks gave me a thumbs up. “We are definitely bringing you along next time.” She grinned.

“Help me.” I whispered to Charlie, who chuckled in reply.

I couldn't believe that Rakepick didn't catch us. That same Monday, the second Peeves annoyed Rakepick so much that she chased him out of her classroom, we sneaked inside, I transfigured the Niffler back to his original state and we ran as far away from the door as we possibly could. I couldn't help but wonder if this is how our entire term will be like.

The next day Tulip, Tonks, and I were having breakfast together and Pip came to greet us during Owl Post and gave me a letter. It was from Penny and she asked for the three of us to meet her in the Dungeons. I was hesitant to go as this year Penny experimented with her potions more than last year. She used so many of Snape's ingredients that one potion got her detention for 2 weeks! I never thought that I would say the words detention and Penny in the same sentence but here we are!

We ate quickly and made our way through to the Dungeons and entered the Potions classroom with our eyes closed. Tonks was the only one excited, while Tulip and I were hoping she wouldn't give us anything to drink or test for her.

“What do you have for us today, Penny?” Tonks grinned while rubbed her hands together.

“Ladies, you might wonder why I only invited you and there are no boys here today.” She was ecstatic.

“Not really.” Tulip answered, still worried about what she will show us.

“Yeah, we don't hang out that often, just the four of us, so it was quite a pleasant surprise.” I said.

“Oh, I know!” Penny exclaimed. “What do you girls say about having a slumber party!” She clapped her hands.

“That is not a bad idea.” Tulip rubbed her chin, thinking about it.

“Oh, we could talk about all sort of things and we could play Truth or Wand!” Tonks grinned. Penny, Tulip, and I stared at her.

“Play what?” I asked, puzzled.

“Haven't you ever heard of Truth or Wand?” Tonks rolled her eyes as if we were playing the game every day.

“It's this game where you enchant a wand to hover in the air and the one who asks a question uses another wand to spin the one in the air. Whoever the spinning wand stops on they either have to answer a question they are asked and tell the truth or they get hexed or jinxed, all minor spells of course.” Tonks explained.

“That sounds...” Penny started, stunned.

“BRILLIANT!” Tulip and I shouted together.

“When are we doing it?” Penny asked, excitedly.

“First of all, if we want to stay out after curfew we will have to bend some rules.” Tonks thought about it.

“We can ask our Heads of House if they would make an exception so we could enter each other's Common Rooms.” I suggested.

“That's not a bad idea.” Penny thought out loud.

“We're not allowed to enter each other's dorms?” Tulip asked and when we looked at her she was flushed.

“You didn't know that?” Penny asked puzzled.

“A better question to ask is, WHICH Common Room did you breach, Tulip?” Tonks asked, wanting to know how she got away with it.

“You can ask me when we play Truth or Wand!” Tulip said quickly.

“Oh, this is going to be so good!” Penny clapped again, already making a mental note to ask Tulip the question.

“So, we ask Flitwick and Sprout tomorrow, and if everything goes well have the slumber party in the Ravenclaw Tower on Saturday?” I asked.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” Tonks and Tulip said in unison.

“Penny, we completely forgot why you brought us here!” I suddenly remembered that the sleepover wasn't the reason we were in the Potions classroom.

“Oh, right! I got so excited by Tonks' idea that I almost forgot!” She grinned.

“You're welcome!” Tonks winked at her.

“Come here I want you to see something.” She gestured for us to sit down in front of a cauldron that had something brewing inside.

“Be careful around it, you DO NOT want to drink this.” She said and smacked Tonks' fingers, who was already reaching for it.

“What did you make, Penny?” I got worried again.

“It's my first ever brew of Amortentia!” She exclaimed.

“Amortentia? I thought Andre likes you?” Tulip chuckled.

“It's not for Andre!” She rolled her eyes. “It's not for anyone actually. It's just an advanced potion and I wanted to perfect it!”

“And why did you invite us here?” I agreed with Tulip, I didn't see the point if we won't be using the potion.

“Amortentia is one of the most powerful love potions ever made. Something, none of us needs.” She winked at me. Why me? “However, it does smell differently to every person based on what they are attracted to and if they happen to have feelings for someone it can smell like that person.” She beamed, proud to know all about it.

“It's different for everyone and I thought since I brewed it and I will have to throw it away anyway or Snape will give me a month's worth of detention, I thought it would be fun to see what we find attractive.” She was so happy about it that I got excited too, even though I had no idea what to expect.

“I will go first so that you know I didn't trick you into something.” Tulip narrowed her eyes at Penny, watching her carefully leaning over the cauldron. She didn't trust her one bit.

“I smell...” She closed her eyes and took a whiff of the potion. “I smell old books, butterbeer, and...” She had to think about the third one. “A very gentle male perfume.” Her cheeks turned pink.

“So...” I started, trying hard not to giggle.

“You basically described Andre?” Tulip was thinking the exact same thing I was.

“He wears cologne?” Tonks asked, surprised.

“He is a man of fashion and Quidditch, of course, he wears cologne.” Tulip chuckled.

“So, ahem...” Penny cleared her throat, now even more red in the face. She was adorable. “Who's next?”

“I'll try!” Tonks said and she switched places with Penny.

“Hmm...” Tonks took some time to think. “I smell fresh laundry and a hint of sandalwood.”

“Tonks, do you even fancy anyone?” I asked as I don't think we ever asked her about her crush. That day on the train when we found out that Penny had a crush on Andre, she was the only one who said that she doesn't fancy anyone. Tulip fancies Jae and me, well I don't know what is going on with me.

“I dunno. Don't think so?” Tonks answered and I believed her. She was too busy to think of these things. Something I thought for myself not so long ago.

“Perhaps we can ask her again on Saturday.” Penny winked as apparently, she didn't find Tonks' answer as sincere as I did.

“Okay, Tulip you're next!” Penny pulled her in front of the cauldron.

“Does it smell like Jae?” Penny teased and Tonks and I laughed. Tulip showed us her tongue and we laughed even harder.

“I smell candy canes and cupcakes.” She said and took another whiff just to be sure she didn't miss anything.

“So, basically the Kitchens?” Tonks giggled.

“So, basically Jae?” I added.

“How sweet!” Penny clapped.

“Oh, shut it, will you!” She swung her hand at us, red in the face and we started laughing. I was having so much fun and I was now even more excited about Saturday. I missed just the four of us hanging out.

“Nova, you're the last one.” Penny jumped from excitement. I couldn't help but be nervous.

I stepped in front of the cauldron and inhaled deeply. I felt my cheeks turn red at once.

“Nova, what are you smelling?” Penny asked suspiciously.

“Yes, tell us, we can see you blush!” Added Tulip.

“Does it smell like Quidditch?” Tonks asked and they all started laughing.

“I smell grass and honeysuckle.” I finally answered in a whisper.

“Honeysuckle?” Asked Tonks surprised.

“Murphy smells like grass and honeysuckle?” Tulip couldn't believe it either.

“I wouldn't know, I never got a chance to get so close to him.” I lied. I knew Murphy's scent and what I smelled in that potion, smelled nothing like him.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Division of Labor (2/?)

Summary:  

“The past years, we have noticed a lot of our fresh high school graduates knew nothing about responsibilities the that awaited them outside high school and even college. Many students do not master budgeting, taxes, household planning, loans and we hope to raise a generation who can navigate the adult world without the consequences of bad decisions they are bound to make going in blindly…”

Paradis High school starts a program incorporating adulting into their curriculum and Hange and Levi are paired together.

Note: From request of @a-golden-hearted-snk-fan. See this link for the request

Other Chapters: 1 3

Link to cross-postings: AO3

"This doesn't make any sense."

Jean had always been one of the more vocal ones in the classroom when it came to inconvenient developments. More often than not, people had just brushed off his complaints and banter as an inevitable part of his personality. That was one of the few times everyone else agreed with him.

The rest though just sat silently in the classroom while both Erwin and Shadis went out of the room, to get what was supposed to be their "kids."

Having taken classes on reproduction and health growing up, most if not all the people in the room already knew the amount of money it took to raise a child and the importance of contraception.

Oddly enough though, the number of kids was decided at random, only justified by the fact that they would never know how many dependents they'll have to care of one day.

"Every single one of you will be faced with the prospect of taking care of a dependent one day, maybe for a few years, maybe for decades," Erwin had explained. He had a natural charisma in the way he carried himself and spoke that made everyone in the room aware of their own tendency for altruism. Everyone had somebody in their life, they probably would have dug into their savings to support be it a mother, a sibling or a close friend.

They were all silently doing their own reflections of who that person would have been as Shadis passed around sacks of flour at random.

"Just be lucky you don't have to do this in real life yet. This adult experience is fucking watered down already. If we could simulate the pain of childhood or the stench of a dirty diaper, we would. " Shadis' words were a stark contrast to Erwin's.

Either way, everyone was too distracted by the number they were getting and the whole prospect of having sack babies in the first place to even react to his words.

"We initially thought of using actual eggs or flour but if you're going to be taking care of this for the whole year…” Erwin fell silent for a second. “That would be disgusting."

The sack was definitely much lighter than what Levi had expected. He squeezed it, noting the firmness of the sack. It was stuffed with cotton. They thought some of it through at least.

Erwin turned on his projector, looking undisturbed by the awkward silence in the room. "By the end of this month, these are what I expect from all of you," He started. "An overview of career plans, a meal plan, a house design based on real estate prices around the area and a breakdown of house responsibilities."

He moved his tacky pointer towards the line on meal plans. "Every two weeks you and your partner go to the supermarket, assess grocery prices and submit me a list of groceries you would buy and a meal plan based on that for the family you have with you. Remember, you are still limited by your wage and each sack represents an extra mouth to consider when you make the meal plan. I will be sending a more detailed version with the deadlines and a prescribed format through email.”

The class was silent for a time. The only notable sounds coming from that room were the scratching of pencil and paper and a few sighs. Hange was taking notes next to Levi while the latter wondered why she even bothered when Erwin was going to send the rest of the information through email after all.

Erwin spent a good few seconds taking stock of everyone in the room before letting out a subtle sigh of his own. "Don't look too overwhelmed, these assignments will be incorporated into all your other classes anyway. Just don't expect teachers from other subjects to spoon feed you though. As much as possible we want you to learn to work with it independently."

                                         Division of Labor

Regardless of what Erwin said, everyone was left overwhelmed anyway. The prospect of having to deal with that heavy of a workload and having that performance affect their chances at college had people spending their precious one hour of lunch time with their partners.

Despite his generally antisocial personality, Levi was rarely alone for lunch. Most days he spent his breaks with his classmates Petra and Oluo. Sometimes Gunther and Eld from the other section would join in. That was unless he felt particularly compelled to spend a lunch break alone. It was as if everyone silently agreed to use that short hour to discuss and strategize with their partners. Levi did not even have time to protest that trend, as his own friends filed out of their seats with their partners, not even bothering to ask if he would be joining them for lunch.

Or did they even need to ask? Hange was right next to him, already taking out her lunch and looking at him expectantly. “Let’s go?”  

“Wait, who said we were having lunch together?”

Hange gestured subtly at the already empty room, as if to ask him “what else?” Levi cursed himself for even complaining about groupmates who never pulled their weight. At that moment, an overly enthusiastic groupmate seemed more unbearable and Levi almost wished he could have gotten a lazy and uninterested groupmate instead. At least then he’d be able to decide for himself when to start working.  

They sat on one of the picnic tables in the school courtyard, Hange with a boxed lunch and Levi with his homemade sandwich. Their two sack babies were stacked up to the side of the table.

"So what do we name them?" Hange asked.

Levi grabbed one of the sacks from the pile and propped it up on his lunch bag, an attempt to use that empty slate of a sack as a guide to imagining what should be a face.  With that, Levi could pretend they were at least kind of living and maybe they did deserve names.

"Flour," Levi suggested. His attempts to see life in faceless sacks came out fruitless.

"Let's try to be a little more creative Levi."

"Why do we even have to give names to these things? They're not even alive. Like nobody is gonna press charges if I stabbed it right now anyway."

"Because they're grading us,” Hange took out a permanent marker and carefully drew a smiling face one sack. She made sure to add a few lines of what looked to be bangs. As she went for the other sack, Levi could not help but notice the goofy smile that appeared on her face.

Levi narrowed his eyes. "You're enjoying this?”

"We’re here. Might as well enjoy it right?" Hange shrugged." If you're not gonna name them. I will." She propped the one she had just finished drawing on, up on Levi’s lunch bag. “This is Flora.” She continued drawing on the other sack. “And this is Fauna."

The names sounded to Levi like science terms he had learned too long ago and had wanted to forget. They flew into one ear and out the other within seconds and Levi had settled for internally naming the sacks the first thing he thought of when he saw Hange's artwork: “ugly bangs” and “eyelash.”

He made sure not to tell Hange though. She seemed way too enthusiastic about her naming choices.

                                         Division of Labor      

Although Levi did have a natural talent with numbers, this potential remained untapped through most of high school. The most apparent reason for this being the fact that the person teaching them Math, at one of the most important times in their high school life was an utter prick.

That utter prick of a Math teacher during their sophomore year made a comeback as their teacher for their junior year. He did not look too happy about it either. Levi at least shared that same sentiment.  

"So I'm supposed to be teaching you guys about taxes but really, believe me, you won't really use half of this shit, just hire an accountant.” Zeke Yaeger propped his feet on the teacher’s table, not bothering to even explain the table of tax rates he had flashed as a powerpoint slide next to him. “ Or... just get an employer, they’ll calculate it for you anyway.”

“Do you mean get a job sir?” It was Marco who so politely asked the question.

“Get a job, get an employer, same banana.” Zeke answered, in between gulps of coffee.

Somehow everyone knew that getting a job would probably be not as easy as the phrase “get an employer” implied it to be. Zeke was their teacher though and he probably knew much more than they did, given the decades of work experience he had in his belt.

“Don’t we need to know how to calculate our taxes based on the table?” Armin asked. He looked to his partner Annie who seemed to be furiously taking notes.

Zeke looked once again at the board for a few minutes before slamming his cup on the table, spilling out some coffee in the process. “Just remember, if your employer promises you 70,000 dollars a year, don’t be surprised when you end up taking home 50,000 dollars coz of some bullshit about the government needing money, insurance and retirement.” He rolled his eyes. “Not like we all live that long to enjoy that  K410 nonsense anyway.” He added bitterly, adding some venom on that part about that string of numbers in particular.

“If we own a business, how do we file them?” Annie asked.

“No one needs to know how to do this. Besides, you’re all in high school. Don’t stress yourself over this. Like I said before, just get an accountant.”

“What if we can’t afford an accountant?”

“Then don’t own a fucking business.” Zeke rolled his eyes. “Fine… Look, I didn’t prepare for that question, gimme a sec.”

The class watched as he closed the powerpoint, quickly opened an incognito window and went on google.

How to file taxes as business owners?

Zeke stared at the next few pages for what seemed like minutes, before clicking on one particular page.

“So yeah, it looks like you just fill out this form and send the money to the tax office.” He shrugged. “Your generation grew up with ipads glued to your faces. I’m sure you’re way better in googling shit than I am so yeah, just google the rest of what you need. Free period until your next class, now go talk about your fake taxes or your fake house or something.”

                                          Division of Labor

Even with the free period Zeke had so generously given them, no one was able to start anything until they got home. It was eight in the evening when Levi opened his school email to find the information on their next tasks, which was sent only a few minutes ago.

September*

Week 3

Housing plan (Wednesday)

Housing Design (Wednesday)

Daily routine

Meal Plan

Week 4

Breakdown of Responsibilities

*Unless otherwise stated, please submit output by Friday of said week  

Levi did not even have time to finish scanning through the guide to their housing plan task as his computer started to slow down, unable to take the quick scrolling. He soon realized it was not the scrolling that had made the computer so dysfunctional. On the lower right of his screen, he saw the notification.

Hange Zoe

New Message

The badge next to his messaging app, quickly rose from 12 unread messages to 26 to 45. Even the screen looked unable to display the messages properly. Wanting to save his computer from anymore torture, Levi grabbed his phone from his bed side and called his partner.

“If you have a lot of things you need to tell me, call .” Levi said, not even bothering to wait for a hello from Hange.

“Oh great! So you did get the messages! For a while I was wondering if your messenger app was broken.”

Levi looked back at the screen to see that the badge next to his app was already displaying a “99+.” If his application or his laptop was not broken then, it might break when he opens the application.

“What the hell are you sending anyway?” Levi asked, delaying the inevitable of having to open the messaging app.

“Links to houses for the housing plan,” Hange answered matter-of-factly. “Unless you’d rather I just say the links out loud for you to type it in the browser yourself.”

With a part of him so nervous at the possibly of his computer hanging or even breaking, Levi had ended having to slam his finger on his mouse when he opened the messaging app. He looked away not wanting to see how his computer tried to process the 99+ messages.

He lay on his bed opening the file on his phone.

“So, since I’m working freelance, I pretty much have a work from home job so we can live anywhere. We have two kids, so what do you think of a three bedroom house?”

“A ‘house house?” Levi looked around at his own living space which his uncle rented for him. He lived in a studio apartment and the concept of living in a house, even in a simulation seemed too unrealistic. “Like a house, with two floors, and multiple bedrooms?”

“And a garden!” Hange said excitedly. “So Flora and Fauna can run around.”

It took Levi a few seconds to comprehend that Hange was discussing their flour sack babies running around an imaginary garden. Levi was sure Hange was not an idiot though and had decided to at least entertain the expensive option of a fully furnished three bedroom house with a sprawling garden.  “And, how were the prices?” Levi walked back to his computer to see that most of his messages had already loaded.

“Well, I found some for 1500 dollars a month, others for 1800 dollars a month. I earn 3600 dollars a month apparently, so I don’t think spending half of it on rent would be too much right?”

“I mean, it’s your wages right?” Levi replied. In truth, a part of him just did not want to go through all one hundred houses Hange had linked him too on the messaging application just to decide on a house.

Hange sent a picture of a split level house, with a wide front garden. “This is my favorite! It comes with a large backyard. And it only costs 1800 dollars a month!”

Only 1800 dollars a month. Levi almost choked. The words “only” and “1800 dollars a month” just seemed too absurd to his ears that someone saying it so casually had him speechless even if Hange was talking about a three bedroom house with a sprawling garden. He cleared his throat. “You’re the breadwinner.”

“Okay! Let’s design the house! I’ll move to my laptop.”

For some reason, Levi had a bad feeling about the listing Hange had shown him. He quickly brushed it away as it came, attributing it to the fact that he never really grew up with enough money to entertain the idea of spending on luxuries. He lived with less than three hundred dollars a month after all, all funded by his absent uncle.

Hange had seemed confident with her decision though.

I’ll stick to what I know best. In the end, Levi decided to leave the larger purchases to Hange. Hehad confidence only in his ability to manage a household. Maybe he would be able to contribute then.

[superblizzardfire]

The Surprise Gift (Bruce & Kamala)

(AO3 Link)

Kamala wasn’t expecting any presents for her seventeenth birthday. But the universe gave her a surprise one anyway…

‘Food poisoning,’ she gasped, shaking as she knelt over the toilet. ‘Figures.’

‘I suspect the pre-packaged egg mayonnaise sandwiches were to blame, Miss Khan,’ said JARVIS.

‘Yeah, I thought they tasted funny.’ She’d woken up feeling nauseous, taken one sip of water and immediately dashed to the bathroom to throw up. Now she gripped the cold metal of the bowl and unleashed a second wave, the burning in her throat bringing tears to her eyes. It was her own fault. But supply runs were inconsistent, and they had to eat when they could.

On the plus side, at least she was throwing up in a bathroom on the Chimera, the iconic helicarrier that was once home to the Avengers (and now housed only one).

‘Shall I inform Doctor Banner?’ asked JARVIS.

‘No! God no, I don’t want him to see me like this!’ Sweat-soaked hair and vomit-stained Captain America pyjamas. Not a good look, and she’d already embarrassed herself in front of one of her childhood heroes this week. She’d been singing along to Cheap Thrills in her room, not realising that she was broadcasting herself through the whole ship. She hadn’t been able to meet Bruce's eye for the rest of the day.

For the last three weeks, they’d been searching for Tony Stark. JARVIS kept bringing up false leads, so they travelled from country to country, flying out in the Quinjet for supply runs and reconnaissance missions. It sounded like something from Kamala’s most self-indulgent fanfics: a secret mission where she and Doctor Banner set out to reassemble the Avengers, five years after they were split apart. It was literally the coolest thing that had ever happened to her… except it wasn’t turning out to be as fun as she’d hoped.

When she’d vomited up what felt like everything she had, Kamala clambered up and flushed away the eggy mess before rinsing out her mouth. The Chimera wasn’t fully operational yet: no hot water, and everything was filmed with dust. She stared at herself in the mirror, panting. Yup, she looked like an absolute mess. On her birthday. This sucked.

‘Uh, hey Kamala? Are you up?’ Bruce's voice echoed through the room.

Crap. ‘Morning, Bruce!’ she said brightly, then shut her eyes tightly as the room seemed to spin around her. ‘What’s up?’

‘I’m just running a few tests on those energy weapons we found. I could use a hand, if you’ve got a minute?’ Bruce always seemed to think he was being a bother. He could make “pass the salt” sound like he was asking a huge favour. ‘Only if you’re not busy.’

‘Sure thing,’ she gasped. ‘I’ll be right – oh god – ‘ She lurched back to the toilet as another wave of nausea swept over her. With nothing left to bring up, her stomach clenched painfully.

‘Are you okay? Kamala?’

But she couldn’t reply. Her breath came in harsh sobs through gritted teeth. She was trying so hard to do her job here, to help Bruce find the Avengers and to hold her own in the fighting. But she didn’t feel like an adult. She felt like a scared kid in disguise. And now she felt like death, it was difficult to maintain that charade.

The beep of the door unlocking was the only warning she got before Bruce ran into the room. ‘What happened? Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine, it’s just food poisoning. I’ll be down in a minute, I promise.’ She squinted up at him. Bruce wore his usual purple shirt and pants (Hulk had ruined at least five of those shirts, how many did he have?) with his glasses perched on the end of his nose. His arms were folded as he stared down at her in concern.

He sighed. ‘I told you not to eat the egg sandwiches.’

‘You ate them just fine.’

‘Well, I’m immune to food poisoning. You’re not. And you’re not coming down to the lab, okay? You need to rest.’ He spoke gently, but she still felt she’d let him down somehow. ‘Take the day off.’

They couldn’t afford to take days off. They needed to find Tony. Now because of her they’d be behind. Black Widow would have been stronger than this. Anyone other than Kamala would be stronger than this. But she felt so awful that she just said in a small voice, ‘Okay.’

‘Okay,’ Bruce echoed. Then he started backing out of the door. ‘I’m just gonna go… do some things. Can I um, get you anything? Bring you anything?’

Kamala burst into tears.

‘Hey, it’s gonna be okay.’ Bruce crossed the room and knelt beside her, all awkwardness momentarily forgotten.

‘I’m sorry, it’s just – so hard sometimes,’ she sobbed. ‘I want to go home and see my family and just have a normal life, and I know I can’t because we have a job to do and – ‘

‘You’re allowed to want those things. You’re only human.’

Except she wasn’t, was she? Not quite. She was a human with superpowers, and that meant she had a responsibility to protect others. But right now she wasn’t sure she could even protect herself. The tears kept coming, and her chest shuddered with uneven breaths. She wanted to curl up on the cold bathroom floor and pass out.

She swayed, and Bruce held her shoulder to steady her. ‘You’re going to burn yourself out. No one can be on top form all the time. I’m pretty useless for days after Hulking out, and you don’t judge me for it. I think you’re allowed to have a bad day.’

Kamala leaned forward and hid her face in his shoulder. He stiffened in surprise, then hesitantly wrapped his arms around her in a hug. ‘It’s my birthday,’ she sniffled.

‘Today? Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Didn’t want it to be a big deal. We’ve got bigger things to worry about.’ She closed her eyes, knowing that her forehead would feel hot against his shoulder.

Bruce's low, gentle voice rumbled in her ear. ‘Okay. You’re going to stay here and get some rest, doctor’s orders. JARVIS can keep an eye on you. Can you stand?’

She could, but leaned heavily on him as he helped her walk back to bed. ‘Sorry I got sick on your shirt,’ she mumbled.

‘I’ve got plenty of spares, don’t worry.’ He brought her a cup of water and an empty bucket from the pile in the corner of the room. ‘Call me if you need anything, okay?’

‘Thanks, Bruce.’ She lay down and drew the blankets over herself. Bruce lingered a few moments longer, clearly searching for something else to say, then awkwardly edged out of the room. Kamala gazed out of the window until she fell asleep.

When she woke up, it was afternoon. Her head hurt and her mouth tasted awful, but the nausea seemed to have passed. She checked her phone and found birthday messages from family and friends, which raised her spirits a little. When she reached for the water beside the bed, there was a packet of plain crackers and some ibuprofen there too. Bruce must have returned to check on her.

Then Kamala spotted the parcel at the foot of the bed.

A slow smile grew on her face as she picked it up. It was thick and rectangular, and wrapped in thin graph paper from the lab. An effort had been made to liven it up with stars drawn in blue and red ballpoint pen.

She unwrapped it slowly. It was a thick, spiralbound notebook. The edges of the paper had been coloured neon blue (presumably using a salvaged highlighter), and the front cover had been replaced with a homemade one: a printed photograph from five years ago. A smiling Kamala posed with the Avengers whilst coloured streamers fell around them. It was one of the best memories of her life, and despite the events that had occurred after it, the sight still made her smile. ‘Thanks, Bruce,’ she whispered.

When she turned to the first page, there was a message written in small, neat script:

 Happy Birthday Kamala! I hope this comes in useful. You’re an amazing writer, don’t forget how far you’ve come.

Bruce

 Writing had always been Kamala’s passion, although since they’d embarked on their Avengers quest she hadn’t given it much thought. She certainly hadn’t entertained any fanfiction ideas; it felt weirder to write it when you knew the characters you were writing about. Maybe she could try something new, though.

She dug out a pen from her bag. Even the simple weight of a notebook in her lap brought her a comforting familiarity. That even aboard the Chimera, far from home, she could slip away into a world of her choosing. No bad guys to fight or buildings to destroy. Just the simple act of creating something for the fun of it.

Kamala clicked her pen, snuggled down under the covers, and began to write.

[pbandjesse]

Today was great. But also I am so exhausted. I have a lot to still do for the party tomorrow. I am excited.

I slept hard last night. I don't even remember the end of the video I was watching. I woke up with my alarm and me and James got ready to go to the market. I need to find a better way for us to bring the product with us easily but I think we will get better every time.

We got out there and set up. It was nice having the larger table this time. I have an idea for making prints there as a demo. I think that will be fun. But I had to go inside the museum at 10 for a birthday party.

But until then I had a great time talking to people and checking in with Ellen. I was a little bummed when Charlie called me and told me he got exposed to covid and so wont be coming to the party because he wants us to all be safe. Which is totally the right call but also makes me so sad.

I had fun talking to Ellen, making plans for tomorrow. She is so knowledgeable about the flowers she sells so it was fun to just listen to her. She also ended up being our only sale of the day. I am excited that she got earrings. We can match.

I headed inside to get ready for the birthday party. They ended up being about a half hour behind. Which was fine. The mom was super sweet but obviously frazzled. We commiserated about party set up and I helped with setting up candy and I drew on the chalk board. And it was fun being helpful. I had to walk back and forth to get paper products and table cloths. A Lot. But that was okay. I had a good time.

There were some issues. One child was just not being supervised and his dad kept acting like it was impossible to get him to stop climbing on exhibits. He ended up breaking a radio table and like. Really destroyed it. I wasn't there, I was just told. But man. It is always birthday parties.

I wrote out the incident report. And drew a picture to explain. And then it was just a waiting game for when my program should start. The mom wanted a highlights tour too. But it was getting later and later. And I was supposed to be done at 2. But that wouldn't happen. Ah well.

The tour started at 115. I went through the stuff I thought the kids would like best. I made a print. I had them go in the cars. We turned on the can elevator and then the machine shop. And then we went to the theatre to take group pictures before we went to do the actual activity.

There were some tired tears from the kids. I got to entertain a baby for a bit. The activity was fun even if it wasn't exactly the way it is supposed to go. I had fun talking about boats and watching them color. My throat hurt a lot though because everyone was loud and I had to yell for the entire tour and program.

James had come inside after the market. They had fun to the store. But then they helped me clean up the program and party mom gave us a tray of food. So I got to have a very good sandwich for a late lunch.

I was surprised how quickly the party cleaned up. I helped sweep. But they did all the other cleaning and I got to leave right as the museum closed at 3.

Me and James went to the dollar store for some last minute party things. We got eggs at the grocery store and a ice cream cone to share. And then home.

I had to lay down. I didn't realize how tired I was. So I went to sleep almost as soon as we got home.

I slept until 5. I got up and got dressed and felt super cute for our dinner. James ran out to pick up their mom. And I waited here for mine.

James and Anne beat my parents here. But I was so excited to see them when they got here. I got to give dad the rest of his birthday presents. And we had lots of hugs. Mom came up when we brought in some of the decorations they had brought. I showed her what we had gathered and her and Anne got to talk for a bit before we went downstairs to hang out with dad.

We all sat down there for a bit before I drove over with my parents and James and Anne walked to the Tilted Row for dinner. We drove because of dad's leg, but that was alright. It was for the best.

We got there and soon Tucker was there too. And dinner was great. It was a little loud once the sun went down but we had som excellent starters and the meal itself was great. I had to keep filling dad in on what was happening because he couldn't hear. But it was a lot of fun. I am excited that they got to hang out. I want them to be friends.

We were there for about 2 hours. And it was really nice. I felt really happy. We went outside to say goodbye. And mom and dad drove to their hotel. And Anne and Tucker came back to the apartment to grab something because Anne left a bag. But soon they were off as well.

James would go out again to get drinks for tomorrow. And I took a shower. I did some set up for tomorrow. Went through the stuff mom brought. Put the flowers in the vases. And now I am on the couch. Making a list with James for tasks for tomorrow. But it is almost time for sleep.

Wish us luck for tomorrow. Be safe everyone. Goodnight!!

[windscattered]

Previously

Delano wanted to vomit. He had a son. From that one night with Lieselotte, he had a son. He had been so careful with everyone else, but the one time… 

“Where’s Fang,” Delano finally ground out, voice scratching his throat like sandpaper.

Lieselotte looked confused. “Fang?”

“My dog. If you went to my apartment to bring my shit here, you brought my dog here too, right?”

Adriano raised his eyebrows and looked at Lieselotte, who was looking uncomfortable. “Oh, that beast… Is it so important to you that you have to have it here?”

Delano stared at her in disbelief. “What did you do to her?”

“Nothing irreversible,” Lieselotte said hastily, her palms up. “It- she is just at an animal shelter.”

“You took her to a shelter? Without asking me?” Delano’s expression must have been scary, because Adriano’s eyes widened and Lieselotte looked downright alarmed.

“It’s- like I said, nothing irreversible! If she’s that important to you, I can have her brought here.”

“Then do that,” Delano said, struggling to keep his voice even. “She’s my friend. I need her.”

“Alright, sheesh,” Lieselotte said. “I need to make some phone calls. Make yourself at home, in the meantime, sweetie. Excuse me…” She left deeper into the house, leaving Adriano and Delano by themselves.

As soon as she was gone, Delano’s shoulders dropped and he rubbed his eyes with his good hand. God fucking damn. Fang, all alone, in a strange place…

Adriano cleared his throat, gaining Delano’s attention. “Are you… hungry?” he asked carefully.

After those bombshells? The last thing Delano wanted to do was to eat. With his son, no less. “Sure, whatever,” Delano said out loud, not sure why he had agreed.

Adriano nodded and walked back into the kitchen, followed by Delano. Delano made a beeline to the dining table and sat down with a heavy sigh.

“What breed is she?” Adriano asked as he busied himself at the fridge. “Fang, I mean.”

Delano rested his head on his hand. “Pitbull.”

“Oh?” Adriano brought some sandwich ingredients to the dining table. “No wonder mom took her to the shelter. She’s gonna hate having her here.” He grinned.

“She’s not rowdy or anything,” Delano said tiredly.

“Still,” Adriano said, still grinning. “She doesn’t like big dogs.”

Delano wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He was already taking space here, and with Fang, he’d be taking even more.

“I always wanted a dog,” Adriano said, starting to assemble a sandwich. “She always said that I’d be allowed a small dog.”

Delano finally looked up at him. “What breed did you want?”

Adriano shrugged. “I don’t know. Not a pomeranian or a chihuahua though. Like, maybe a medium size dog, but that was too big for her too.”

Delano nodded slowly. “Nothing wrong with small breeds, though,” he said.

“Of course, yeah,” Adriano said. “But the breeds mom allowed me were so… frou frou.”

“I get it,” Delano said, starting to awkwardly assemble his own sandwich with one hand.

“She’s so anal about the potential of dog hair on the furniture,” Adriano said with a frown. “Our couches are leather. Hair doesn’t stick to leather!” He sighed. “Uh, do you want me to make one for you?” he asked after he saw Delano struggle with butter.

“Please,” Delano said, passing the butterknife over to Adriano.

Adriano started to assemble Delano’s sandwich as a silence fell between them. Adriano drew a breath, as if to say something, but Lieselotte appeared into the kitchen.

“There you are,” she said, making Delano stiffen immediately. “My boys, already getting along.” She walked behind Delano and smoothed her hands on his shoulders. Delano’s throat closed up. “We’ll have Fang back first thing tomorrow.”

Adriano set a plate with a sandwich on it in front of Delano. Delano nodded a thanks to him, although he couldn’t eat. Not when Lieselotte’s hands were on him.

“We’ll need a doghouse for the yard,” Lieselotte mused, running her hands on Delano’s shoulders. “And a chain for her.”

“Is she allowed to be indoors?” Adriano asked, looking disappointed.

Lieselotte was quiet for a moment. Her hands moved to stroke Delano’s hair. Delano forced himself to not shudder. “If she behaves, doesn’t run around and ruin the floors and won’t do her business inside.”

“She knows how to behave,” Delano said, swallowing around a lump in his throat. “She’s housetrained.”

“That’s good,” Lieselotte chirped. “We just might get along after all.” She was quiet for a moment. “Oh, were you two eating? Are you hungry? I could cook up something.”

Delano swallowed involuntarily. “N-no thanks, the sandwich is enough,” he ground out.

Lieselotte hummed. “Alright. We can have a proper dinner later. All together as a family. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Delano stared at the untouched sandwich in front of him. Nice… Sure.

***

“Do I have a room here?” Delano asked Lieselotte.

For a second Lieselotte looked surprised. “Oh, yes, a room! Of course!”

She lead him to a guest bedroom. “You can sleep here,” she said. “But, you know, you can also join me-”

“This room is fine,” Delano interrupted. “Thank you.”

Lieselotte looked disappointed, but said nothing. “Alright.”

Delano disappeared into the room and closed the door before Lieselotte could invite herself in. The room was… bare. As one might expect. There was a bed, a desk, a chair and a closet and some kind of painting on the wall, but that was about it. Delano didn’t mind. This was already more stuff than he had at his apartment.

There was a knock at the door and Lieselotte stepped in, carrying a big black trash bag. “Sorry about barging in again,” she said. “I just thought you might want to have your clothes here.” She walked to the bed and dropped the bag on it. “Here you go, honey. You should check that everything is in there, just in case.”

“Thanks,” Delano said. He started digging into the bag awkwardly with one hand.

Lieselotte watched him with a hand on her cheek. “Maybe I should help you.”

“Please,” Delano said. Even though he wanted nothing more than Lieselotte to leave him alone.

“Just sit back and relax,” Lieselotte said, letting her hand run down Delano’s back. “I’ll unpack your clothes, honey.”

Delano fought back a shudder and looked around the room. He now realized that the only place to lay down here was the bed. He’d be sleeping in a strange place, without Fang, on a bed. Delano swallowed. His throat felt tight.

“Good grief,” Lieselotte sighed, holding up a t-shirt with a small hole on it. “We need to get you some new clothes.”

Delano hummed as he sat down on the chair at the desk. His stomach twisted as he thought what kind of clothes she’d buy for him. Would she let him choose or would she choose for him, marking him as hers?

As Lieselotte unpacked the garbage bag, it finally sunk in that she really had stuffed all of Delano’s clothes in it. For a split-second, Delano was confused as to why, but then he remembered what Lieselotte had said back at the hospital. The exact word she had used was “move in”, right? Was he here permanently? The thought made Delano’s chest constrict in a nauseating way. He really was trapped here. Like a circus animal.

***

Somehow, Delano managed to sleep during the night. Not through the whole night, though. He slept in short bursts, each interrupted by a nightmare. He was, for once in his life, glad that morning came.

At six in the morning, Delano gave up on sleeping and slinked downstairs to the kitchen. He wondered if he could stomach food. Ever since he came to this house, he’s been inexplicably nauseous. He had to wonder if he was coming down with something.

Even though he still felt slightly sick, his stomach growled, making him remember that he hadn’t eaten since the sandwich Adriano had made him yesterday. He would have breakfast.

Delano got some eggs, cheese and ham from the fridge and brought them to the stove. The stove top gave him a pause. It was… so clean. Delano could see his face on it. Could he really cook on this? He’d drop something on it and make it dirty, he was sure.

After some hesitation, Delano grabbed a pan and turned the stove on. If he spilled something, he’d wipe it off. Simple. Delano cooked himself a thick omelette.

When the omelette was done, Delano started looking for a coffee machine. He did find one, but he was stumped as to how it worked. With some poking, Delano figured out how it worked and made himself a cup of coffee.

Delano sat down at the table and ate. The coffee was delicious. He’s never had coffee like it. Is this what rich people drank? Every day? Damn. 

After eating, Delano put his dishes away, cleaned the stove and stepped out of the kitchen. Now that everyone was asleep, this could be the perfect chance to explore the house.

Delano’s bare feet padded softly on the floor as he walked around in the silent house. During his exploration, he found the bathroom with a bathtub and a shower and some kind of weird room with elevated wooden seats (was that real wood? Damn, so fancy!) and some kind of device topped with decorative rocks in the corner. He found a living room and another room with comfortable couches and a fireplace, what looked like an office and the laundry room and some kind of storage area. Every single room was neatly organized and almost clinically clean. It made Delano wonder why a stray dog like him was even here.

Exploring and mapping the house now done, Delano returned to the living room. Something in there had caught his attention. One of the walls was completely made of glass. Behind the window and glass door, a yard opened. A real yard. With grass.

Delano let himself out to see it closer. Immediately behind the glass doors was a small deck, made from… was that real wood? It either felt like real wood or very convincing imitation wood. Delano hadn’t known that wood had a texture to it. He knelt down and felt it with his hand, the small ridges and the lines and the knots. So luxurious. Just for this area that you walk on. Mindblowing.

Of course there was some furniture on the deck too. A big umbrella, now closed, leant against the wall in a corner. Some of those soft chairs that you can lay back until they’re horizontal. A table and a grill.

But, behind the deck. The grass. Delano moved to the edge of the deck and paused. Didn’t he need shoes to walk on grass? He’d have to get them from the other side of the house though… Fuck it, he’d wipe his feet before he went back in.

Delano stepped onto the grass. It… wasn’t as soft as Delano had assumed. Grass leaves weren’t as soft as lettuce? Huh. Delano dug his toes deeper into it. It was slightly wet… Oh, was this morning dew? It was so clean! The morning dew Delano was used to in the lower levels was usually brown at best and sludge at worst. But this dew? You could drink this!

Delano walked on the grass, feeling his feet get wetter with each step. Fang would love this yard. There was enough space for her to run back and forth comfortably. Delano stepped from under the roofed area and the sky opened above him again.

Delano was struck breathless. The sky! It was orange! How? Wasn’t it supposed to be blue? No, wait. Sunrises and sunsets got different colours. That’s right. Such a shame the yard was opening to… whatever this direction was. Not the one the sun rose from. Maybe Delano would see the sunset, though… 

He ended up standing in the grass, staring up at the sky until it turned from orange to yellow to blue.

...Wait, he had to call his work. His day job, at the casino. And let them know he was on sick leave with a broken arm again.

Delano went back inside.

***

“Lucky Lady’s Casino, Jack Gonzales.”

“Hey, boss, it’s Delano,” Delano said.

“Sup, man,” Jack said. “Is your arm better?”

Delano paused. “How did you know about that?”

“Your girlfriend called me and let me know. She sent me the doctor’s note too.”

Delano’s blood froze. “She’s not my-”

“Whatever, man. Just hurry up and heal so you can get back to work,” Jack interrupted.

Delano deflated. “Okay.”

“Was that all?”

“Yeah,” Delano heard himself say. “I’ll let you know when I’ll be back.”

“Awesome. See you then.” Jack hung up without a bye.

Delano ended the call with a sinking feeling. The walls around him felt suffocating.

***

While waiting for Adriano and Lieselotte to wake up and Fang to arrive, Delano found that he really didn’t have anything to do. What did Delano even do with his life besides work?

Absently, Delano dug around the things that were brought from his apartment. He didn’t have much, but everything was here. Except Fang’s stuff, of course. Delano could only hope that Fang’s bed, leash, toys and bowls would come back with her.

… God, he missed her so fucking much. The second she got here wouldn’t be a goddamn second too soon.

Delano found the textbooks for his evening classes and started doing his homework, for a lack of anything else to do. He would have difficulties filling all the time he’d be trapped in this house…

After some time, there was a knock at the door. Lieselotte stepped in. “Delano?”

“Yeah?” Delano replied, standing up from the chair.

“I just got a call from the shelter,” Lieselotte said. “They’ve just sent someone to bring Fang here. They should arrive in around 45 minutes.”

Thank fucking god. “Okay. Good to know.”

Lieselotte gave him a look. “How long have you been awake?” she asked.

“What time is it?” Delano replied, grabbing his phone from his desk. Seven thirty. “Hour and a half.”

Lieselotte’s eyebrows rose. “You’re a morning person, huh,” she mused.

Delano shrugged. He wasn’t much of a “sleeping person” to begin with.

“Have you had breakfast yet?” Lieselotte asked.

“Yeah,” Delano said.

An expression flickered on Lieselotte’s face, but it disappeared quickly. “Good,” she said. “Good to hear.” She tilted her head. “What have you been doing for the time you were awake?”

“I checked out the yard,” Delano said. “Then I’ve been doing homework.”

Lieselotte looked surprised. “Homework?” she asked, stepping further into the room, curiously looking to the desk.

“Uh, yeah, I-” Delano fell silent. How could he explain to Lieselotte that he missed a lot of education in his teens when it was her fault? “I… I’m taking some evening classes.”

Lieselotte beamed. “Really? That’s great! What kind of classes are you taking?”

Delano brushed hair behind his ear, suddenly flustered. “Y-yeah, it’s nothing special. Just some math.”

“Oh? Are you good at math?” Lieselotte asked, stepping to the desk to take one of Delano’s books. She leafed through it. As she browsed through the book, her smile shrank as she saw that it was just high school level math.

Delano looked away from her. He couldn’t bear seeing the realization sink in.

Delano heard Lieselotte draw a breath. But before she could say anything, the doorbell rang downstairs, as if to save him.

“That must be the shelter people,” Lieselotte said, sounding cheerful again.

Delano’s chest felt warm. Fang. Finally.

The two made their way downstairs. Lieselotte made a beeline to the door, closely followed by Delano. As Lieselotte was just about to open the door, the doorbell rang again.

“Oh, sorry!” the person behind the door laughed. “I got impatient.”

“It’s fine,” Lieselotte laughed. “Thank you for-”

Delano stepped behind her, craning his neck to see if Fang was with the person. He could hear Fang’s nails click on the ground and her whine as she caught his scent.

Fang.

Delano fell to his knees as soon as he saw her straining against the leash the shelter worker had her in.

Fang.

She whined louder and barked, ecstatic to see Delano again. She strained against the leash so much that she rose up to her hind legs.

“You’re happy to be home, huh?” the shelter worker chuckled. “Can I let her go?”

“Of course,” Lieselotte said.

The shelter worker detached the leash from Fang’s collar and Fang leaped and ran to Delano and crashed into him.

Fang!

Delano hugged her close as she squirmed and whined, licking his face.

“It’s okay now,” Delano murmured. “It’s okay, baby, I got you now.” He was only vaguely aware of Lieselotte and the shelter worker talking to each other.

“Isn’t this lovely?” Lieselotte asked, closing the front door. “We’re back together again.” As if she ever was included in the “us” that was Delano and Fang.

“Yeah,” Delano said, still hugging Fang.

“We got her… uh. Dog stuff too,” Lieselotte said, lifting a small plastic bag. “You should check that everything is in there.”

After rooting through the plastic bag (with Fang’s help, of course), he confirmed that everything was in it. Fang’s bed, leash, her toys… And her bowls. Thank god. After confirming to Lieselotte that everything was in order, Delano took Fang to the yard.

As Delano had expected, Fang loved it. She rubbed her face on the grass and started rolling on it like she’s never experienced grass before. Delano watched her run around like a madman, filled with zest for life.

Delano heard the door open and close behind him. He turned to see Adriano step outside. “Is that Fang?” he asked, looking at Fang.

“Yup,” Delano said. “Fang!” Delano whistled, gaining Fang’s attention. He clapped his thigh and Fang trotted over, tail wagging rapidly.

“Fang, this is Adriano.”

Adriano knelt down to her, petting her head. Fang sniffed at his hand and licked it.

“She’s perfect,” Adriano said as he petted her. His voice broke a little.

Delano chuckled as Fang flopped over for belly rubs. “I’m glad you think so too.” He passed on a squeaky ball to Adriano.

As soon as Fang saw it, she flipped back to her paws, settling with her elbows on the ground. With a smile, Adriano threw the ball, and Fang bounced after it. She brought it back to Adriano, who then threw it again.

Adriano and Fang played fetch until she was so exhausted that she laid at Adriano’s feet, panting with her tongue out.

“I haven’t seen her run like that in a while,” Delano said with a grin.

“How does she regularly get exercise?” Adriano asked.

“On walks on the lower levels,” Delano replied, smile shrinking. “Sometimes I sneak to a dog park on the upper mid-level.”

Adriano hummed, smooshing Fang’s ears. He was quiet for a moment. “How much has mom…” He fell silent again. “What should I call you?”

Delano’s eyebrows rose, before they lowered back down in a frown. Being called “dad”... No. No thanks. “Just my name should be good,” he said.

Adriano nodded, relaxing a little. “Yeah, he said. I can do that.”

Delano frowned. “You don’t want to call me dad?” On one hand, it was a relief to him…

Adriano frowned down at the grass. “I- I don’t know how to say this,” he said.

Delano waited for him to find his words.

Finally, Adriano turned to face him. “Delano, I’m not your child. Mom adopted me when I was five.”

[maple-writes]

[Image ID: Banner image reading: The City of Eventide, Chapter 34, Maple-writes. End ID]

This is it! The last chapter! It still feels so strange to think that this really is the last one.

###

Each day grew longer than the last and the sun shone a little stronger, burning off morning spring clouds. Dylan made good on his promise to visit unannounced one afternoon. He showed up with a firm knock on the door and a greeting loud enough to wake me the rest of the way up. For hours he lingered in the kitchen, half occupied with putting the finishing touches on the egg salad sandwiches Fallon sent him along with but more occupied with filling me in on everything and anything. Tea in hand I barely spoke as the sun made its way down the sky, casting long shadows across the street outside and dimming the light through the windows all while Dylan replaced the usual quiet of the day. It was nice though, hearing someone else’s voice even if I did end up forgetting details and names in his stories.

The vitamins weren’t so bad aside from remembering to take them, and once I got used to the taste neither were the other supplements the doctor suggested. Even now Ginger stopped by sometimes to check on me and deliver updates on the goings-on back at the college, letting me know I could come see her there anytime. She’d smiled, assuring me that if I ever wanted to return to work with her we’d take it as easy as I needed.

Ember’s attempts to get me out of the house came fewer and farther between, dropping down from every night to maybe once or twice a week. Every time my heart skipped but two nights ago we made it to the 24 hour gas station store. Under the too-bright lights the night vanished outside and I had to remember to take every breath deep enough to keep my head from spinning and there were too many choices and items lining every shelf and fridge and nowhere to hide but Ember kept by my side. She walked me through and let me rest my hand on her forearm, letting some of the warmth and calm seep from her skin through mine.

We bought drinks and the lights and hum of refrigerators disappeared as the door closed behind us. Stepping between shadows cast by vacant gas pumps we didn’t make it much farther than the store that night, but for the first time some of the tension melted under quiet streetlights. Chill air cooled my lungs and settled my head. The two of us talked all the way back home and together in the living room until far too late. She really shouldn’t have been staying up that late with her job interview tomorrow, though she was quick to reminded me it was only in the afternoon.

Her interview went well, and by the end of the week she’d been called back for a second and a week after that they offered her the job as a deckhand on a fishing vessel. From what she told us it sounded hard, and she’d be gone for long stretches during the season, but her excitement was contagious. Striker ordered take out to celebrate and we ended up only going to bed long after the sun had set.

Yawning, I pulled my shirt off, crawled into bed and drew the blanket snug around my shoulders. After all the excitement and celebration I sunk all the way down into the pillows and sheets.

A rattle came from my window, then another and I sat up, squinting in the dark. Grey-blue in the evening dark, a wing flashed into view then a beak tapping at the glass as a seagull fluttered by. Cirrus. It had to be. Otherwise some poor bird was very, very lost.

I hopped out of bed and opened up the window just as he glided back around. He landed on the windowsill in a blur of feathers, tucking his wings neatly to the side and shaking out his tail as he came to a stop. His head tilted left and right, pupils dilating a moment before finding the right focus.

“Hey Cirrus.” I leaned over, resting my elbows against the windowsill. “It is you, right?”

The gull ruffled his feathers, puffing up and laying them flat again in one smooth wave. He raised his beak and stuck out his chest as he watched me sideways. I smiled, warmth spreading from deep in my chest. Of course this was Cirrus. Hard to believe the last time I’d seen him was back at the cabin. How long ago was that now? I’d lost track.

Cirrus turned, webbed feet tapping against the wood of the windowsill in the quiet of the dark. He faced the street, dark and empty, glancing back at me over his grey shoulder. I frowned. Did he want…

“You want me to go with you?”

He gave a quick nod, holding his head sideways to lock me in one of his little eyes. I swallowed and wrung my hands together. How far would he want me to go? What if something happened? I hunched my shoulder, hair falling in front of my face as I stared down at my arms.

“I, I don’t know Cirrus.” How was I supposed to tell him? How was I supposed to tell him I hadn’t gone much further than a few blocks from home on my own since I got back. “I don’t know.”

A weight landed on my shoulder, webbed feet against my skin. Cirrus pushed his beak through my hair to poke at my cheek. He settled down, feathers of his belly soft against my skin. I sighed and turned my neck to see him through the corners of my eyes.

Even if we hadn’t gone far nothing horrible happened whenever I went out with Ember. I held Cirrus’ stare for a moment, watching him blink and turn his head. If something did go wrong Cirrus would have seen it before, right? He didn’t know what Ginger did but it wouldn’t be the first time he’d helped. I could handle this. If I could handle the cemetery in the middle of the day I could handle a walk in the middle of the night.

I sighed again, straightening up slowly to give Cirrus the chance to hop down. “Alright. Let me get dressed first.”

Cirrus waited outside, perched on a nearby streetlight and watching as I finally stepped out into the night. I shut and locked the door as softly as I could behind me, trying to keep the nerves already wrapping around my throat in check. A flurry of feathers made me look up a second before Cirrus landed softly on my shoulder. Webbed feet tapped quiet on my jacket and grey wing-tips tickled my ear as he turned. He stuck his head out a second, caught my eye and flew down the street.

“Hey!”

I took off running after him. My feet fell loud and echoing in the quiet side streets and alleyways, chasing flashes of white feathers under spaced-out streetlights until I staggered to a breathless stop. Hands on my knees and hunched over on the sidewalk, my heart struggled to keep up with my lungs and my legs burned. Shit. How long had it been since I moved this much? Cold air scraped at the back of my throat. I coughed and tried to catch my breath. By the time I looked up Cirrus was gone.

I grit my teeth. “Damn it.”

A seagull’s call pierced through the quiet, shrill and laugh-like. Sounded like he wasn’t too far, towards the waterfront. Of course he’d want me to meet him there. I pulled myself back upright. He’d have to wait though because I wasn’t about to run the whole way there.

I’d almost caught my breath by the time the gentle lapping of the waves caught my ear, soft and rhythmic against the deserted shore. A full moon hung bright over the ocean casting liquid silver over the dark water and the white crests of incoming waves. I slowed as I stepped out onto the beach. Full moon. Cirrus, he hadn’t waited for me here after I’d gone home, had he? Waited and hoped I’d show up for him only to leave disappointed like he had so many times hoping his mother would come around.

He’d understand why I hadn’t come, if he’d waited here for me at all. I bunched my shoulders against the wind and shook the thought from my head, picking my way across the dark beach to the usual place. Tiny creatures, insects, arthropods, they scurried away from my path with every step. Moment by moment the lights of the city faded to a faint glow at my back to give way to blue-dark night.

A figure sat on a washed-up log, turning when I rounded the bend. A woman in an ink-black evening gown that billowed around her ankles when she stood and faced me with a polite smile.

“Well, you’ve sure perked up since I last saw you.” She paused, waiting, but I only squinted in attempts to place where we might have met. “Ah, you don’t recognize me.” She gestured to herself with a black-gloved hand. “Cirrus’ sister. Call me Hadley.”

We had met, hadn’t we. I furrowed my eyebrows and tried to remember back but couldn’t see much more than a blur, a haze of feathers and loud voices that seemed to rumble through the air and into my own lungs.

Hadley though either hadn’t noticed or didn’t mind, catching me with a nod as she settled back down on the log. “Cirrus should be here soon.” She shot me a smirk, raising her head high. “I have been instructing him on how to shift his form but it can be hit or miss. He wanted to see you though, so I agreed to help him out tonight.”

She leaned back resting her hands behind her and facing the shimmering sea. Her head tilted just a moment as I sat beside her. This close she had the same barely contained power Cirrus did, cold and powerful like a harsh wind biting through my clothes. She kept quiet, watching as wave after wave lapped at the rocky shore. Slowly, I ran my hand over the worn bark of the log, tracing over ridges and bits where the wood had torn and weathered away.

“Ah,” Hadley stood, smoothing down her dress in the breeze. “Sounds like he’s done.”

The bushes growing beside the beach rustled, and a moment later Cirrus stuck his head out, one hand covering half his face and casting a sheepish look at Hadley.

She half chuckled to herself with a short glance back at me. “One moment.”

Without waiting for any kind of response, she stepped out of sight behind the foliage and the night dark. She said something, mumbling and chiding but too low for me to make out, Cirrus responding with something indignant and defensive but without any teeth behind his words. I smiled, leaning forward on the log to try and peek around the bushes and shadows. That was Cirrus alright.

The leaves rustled again, branches snapped, and Cirrus swore as he stumbled out onto the beach. He found his balance and shook himself out, looking just like I remembered. Same hair, same eyes… I jumped up from the log and throwing my arms around him. He balked a moment, surprised, before returning the embrace. His clothes were warm and smelled like storm-bearing winds, familiar and new at the same time. I leaned against him, pressing my forehead against his shoulder a moment before standing up again, throat tight.

“Miss me?” Cirrus grinned, already knowing the answer.

I nodded. “Its different, with you gone.” Maybe not quieter now that Ember was around, but different. I swallowed and turned away, a hand to the back of my neck as I glanced out to the ocean. “I don’t know if you were waiting for me here, but I’m sorry if you were.” My voice dragged along. “Things haven’t been easy.”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been around here either. It’s been a whirlwind.” Cirrus huffed and crossed his arms, shaking his head to the dark pebbles.

“Oh come on Cirrus!” Hadley scolded, coming up around behind him and messing up his hair. She snickered as he tried and failed to duck out of the way. “You had a great time. Do you think I missed you flirting with that pretty noble lady?”

Cirrus flustered, uncrossing his arms and stumbling over his tongue. “She started it!” He shook himself out with another huff, crossing his arms tighter than before. “But yeah, alright. It wasn’t all bad.” He watched his sister as she retuned to her perch on the log, a half smile on his face, before turning back to me. “You’re looking better than last time I saw you. At least like you’re not about to get blown over by the wind.” Cirrus paused a moment, just standing, watching me as the breeze slipped silent between us. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with so much colour in your face.

Even at in the dark? I looked away a moment, watching the moon hang bright over the gentle swells. Maybe he had better night vision than I did because Striker had said the same thing.

“I uh,” I faced him again, tucking my hands in my pockets and out of the chill. “I’ve been seeing some doctors since I got back for a while now. I guess it’s working.” The wind picked up again and I hunched my shoulders until Cirrus stepped to my side, blocking out some of the gale. “Ginger was saying the other day she’d be alright with me coming back to the college.”

“You going to do it?”

I shrugged, pushing rounded stones from side to side with the toe of my shoe. “I… I hope so. It’s been a while.” A smile played at my lips. “I kind of miss it actually.

Cirrus snorted. “Bored at home already?”

This time I grinned, full and toothy. “Maybe.”

He rolled his eyes but kept quiet, attention drifting up from me to the lights of the city down the beach. I glanced back over my shoulder to follow his gaze only a moment before focusing back on Cirrus. In the dark he looked just like I remembered, like nothing changed. Like he hadn’t been gone for months now and he’d never returned to life as a dragon. Like Ember hadn’t moved into his bedroom and he was going to be in the kitchen tomorrow morning when I got out of bed.

A deep ache spread sharp through my throat, all the way up to the floor of my mouth and I looked away. He had his own life now. His own life somewhere far away. Somewhere I couldn’t go and find him like I used to. He’d come to see me this time tonight but how long would that last? I swallowed. He wouldn’t forget about me now that what he’d hoped to happen for years and years finally came about, right?

“Do you remember back then when I couldn’t speak my name?” Cirrus spoke low, eyes still drifting over my head to the city. “That day you found me?”

I don’t think I would ever forget, he must have known that but I nodded all the same.

He paused, hesitating before speaking again. “It hurt for a long time. I used to dream of hearing it again, to be who I was again. But then…” Cirrus finally tore his gaze from Eventide. He looked down at me, the faintest of the distant light reflecting in his eyes. “It didn’t feel the same anymore. I’m keeping Cirrus. I just wanted you to know that.”

“Really?” My voice came out smaller than I expected, thinned and brittle. “You don’t miss the other?”

Cirrus shrugged. “I can’t say I don’t, but I don’t know, I couldn’t bring myself to part with this name yet.” He half smiled. “My mother wasn’t exactly thrilled but she’ll get over it.”

From what I’d heard of her, I wasn’t surprised. “You’re still going to come and visit, right?”

“Of course.” Cirrus casted a sidelong glance at his sister still seated on the log and gazing out to sea. “Though it might be a while yet before I get the hang of shape shifting alone.” He paused a moment before turning back to me. “I’ll be around. I’ve got at least a couple more centuries of watching over Eventide’s storms after all.”

That long? I guess it made sense. He was a dragon after all. I smiled but broke halfway by a surprise yawn. What time was it?

A warm hand rested on my shoulder as Cirrus’ laugh drifted over the crashing waves. “Keeping you up?” He grinned down at me as he turned towards the city. “I’ll take you home.”

We walked along the beach towards the soft city lights. At this time of night we had the sidewalks to ourselves, only the occasional car passing by the empty roads. My arm brushed his, contented warmth easing from him to me. I quickly ran out of things to update him on since coming back to Eventide and he took over most of the way home telling me all about his sisters and the trouble they’d get into. Even in the low light I could see how he flushed talking about the woman Hadley had brought up on the beach. I smiled, struggling to keep my eyes open and half leaning against his shoulder as we walked.

He sounded happy.

#

Sun sinking low in the sky relief pooled in my chest seeing how quiet Eventide College was this time of day. A handful of people milled and wandered around the front stairs, some chatting and laughing in the gold-tinged light. Inside the front lobby soft echoes of conversation drifted through the still air and the little coffee shop sat nearly empty with the last few customers before closing time rolled around.

My footsteps echoed through the empty halls, clicking against the stone stairs spiralling down towards Ginger’s basement. I hadn’t told her I was coming but surely she wouldn’t be unhappy to see me all the way out here.

The air chilled and a familiar presence brushed against my arm. I slowed, letting Cynthia gently press up against my shoulder as her relief and excitement slipped through my skin. A smile spread on my face and I held out a hand. She knew me. She knew how to be gentle, how to contain herself unlike the panicked, desperate spirits who needed my help.

She slid though my palm, passing cold up the veins of my arm all the way up where they joined together in the subclavian. Good to see you again. It’s been a while.

I nodded along, continuing down the stairs as she settled in deeper tucked under my first rib. Been a while was an understatement. I swallowed. Had anyone told her what happened? It must have seemed like I’d just vanished one day, Ginger too. Charlotte filled me in. We were all worried about you for a while there. Glad to see you back on your feet. Thanks.

The stairs opened up to the little underground hallway, my footsteps booming in the quiet. I tucked my hands in my pockets and shifted as Cynthia nestled herself more comfortably towards my chest. Here to see Ginger? I nodded. If she’s here. She is. Saw her come in a few hours ago. Good. Good. Does this mean you’re going to stick around? I turned the last corner, slowing to a shuffle. Had I even considered not coming back here? Even if Ginger had told me I’d never be able to come back here would I really be able to just… Stop?

Even if you change you mind, her grin crossed my face, you should still stop by. You’re the easiest living person to chat with to come through those doors.Really? Faster than hijacking Charlotte’s computer. Fair enough.

I paused in front of Ginger’s office, the door slightly ajar. Cynthia stilled under my skin, cold and fluid. Could you give us a minute? Right. Was good to see you again Asher. She shifted a moment before breathing out through the thin skin at the top of my chest and vanishing somewhere through the walls of the college. Alone I stood another moment in front of the door. I took a deep breath, rested my hand on the door handle and opened it up just enough to poke my head into Ginger’s office.

She looked up from her computer as soon as she saw me. For a moment surprise seemed to flash across her face but in a heartbeat it shifted to a wide, fang-filled smile.

“Asher! Welcome back.”