#I loved you then I love you still

[dhampiravidi]

I Loved You Then, I Love You Still (1/2)

Jason Todd did not like Jayn. And she was fine with that.

Jayn arrived at Wayne Manor with red-rimmed eyes. Despite her having flown from California to New Jersey, she had no luggage. She had nothing except the clothes on her back and a sealed letter that was addressed to Bruce. Alfred coaxed her out of the town car, and she was trembling, exhausted emotionally. He led her through what looked like a damn museum and she passed out as soon as she was given a bed to sleep in. When she woke up (still fully dressed), she used the bathroom and then went downstairs, following the smell of food. She hadn't realized that her mother's letter was gone until she saw it in Bruce Wayne's hand.

The letter was written to her, which she hadn't expected. But thirteen year-olds don't expect to telekinetically hurl water at a bully, or to be driven to the airport instead of straight home after school, or to watch their mother be escorted off of a plane and into a car while they're already seated. In the letter, her mommy apologized for lying. Her mommy told her that her father was Bruce Wayne, who used to be her boss and boyfriend thirteen years before. Her mommy explained how Jayn was a metahuman, and that the people who wanted the superhuman serum inside of her took her away. Jayn didn't react to the part that said her new father was Batman, because she was busy sobbing. It was too much. The boy her age, who sat at the dinner table, had an unreadable expression. Her father hugged her, but she wouldn't hug back.

He/Bruce/her father made sure she had lots of clothes in her size. Alfred helped her pick them out, because Bruce was busy working. It all seemed fake. She didn't want lots of clothes, or a bedroom in a mansion, or a new parent. She wanted her old clothes, and her room with the sunset that her mom's friend had painted, and her mother. Jayn went from sad to angry very quickly. Wherever she went, the room was cold. She hardly spoke to anyone.

And then Jason called her a bitch. In Spanish, her Mommy's language. Her FIRST language. Long story short, her punishment was to join Jason in the exercises he did as part of his Robin training. His punishment was just being there with her, apparently. But at least he got to be a hero. At least he got to have fun at school. Bruce wanted her homeschooled, so that the people who took her mom didn't find her.

Things changed when Jason broke his hand on patrol. Jayn told herself that she didn't feel bad for him. He was always gloating about beating her in the weightlifting and running drills, even though he was the one who had months of being Robin as an advantage. And with a broken hand, he was exempt from half of the exercises as it was. But one day, she was walking by the library and found him, struggling to push the rolling ladder. Bruce had told her and Jason that they weren't supposed to climb it by themselves, because they could easily get hurt (even with training, she was only 5'1" and Jason was shorter than her).

"Bruce told us not to do that," she muttered, stopping just because she'd rather lag behind than go start on her French homework.

"Fuck off." Jason actually cursed more than she did, but they both had to hide it from the adults of the house.

"Fine." She was going to leave until she saw how dangerous it would be for him, climbing with one hand--especially if he planned on carrying more than one book on his way down. "Ugh. Move and guard the hall." He hesitated for a moment, then did as she told him. "What book did you want?"

"Hamlet." Jayn grabbed the thing, along with a book that happened to catch her eye, and quickly scurried back down to earth, not wanting to be banned from any more of Alfred's baking (it was the worst punishment you could get, aside from having to run extra laps).

"Why didn't you just look it up and read it?"

Jason scoffed, but there was a little less venom in that than usual. He actually looked...embarrassed? "...GA's doing it for the winter play."

"Who are you trying out for?"

"Hamlet. Or Horatio."

"That's his best friend, right?" Jayn wasn't a big fan of Shakespeare, but she wasn't uncultured, either. Jason nodded. He walked off toward the hall, then stopped.

"What book did you get?"

"Sherlock Holmes. An anthology." His eyes brightened, even though he tried to look bored. "You can read it next week, when I'm done."

So they first bonded over their love of books and plays. He was mostly into nineteenth-century classics, like Jane Eyre, while she preferred modern fiction, but they found some titles that they liked to talk about together. She helped him prepare for his audition, and helped Alfred make Jason's favorite cookies so they were ready after school (despite Jason losing the role of Hamlet, he got Horatio). He showed her how to pick locks and do basic mechanical work, so she coached him in swimming and in Spanish (he also helped her learn French and his Italian).

The first time Jayn hugged Jason was when he (with Alfred's help) convinced Bruce to let her patrol with them, as Kestrel.

The first time she thought he was cute was when she'd had a terrifying nightmare after a breakout at Arkham and he'd stayed with her until she fell asleep (yes, he was still there in the morning, bedhead and all).

The first time she realized she was in love with him was when he got a girlfriend (they lasted exactly 41 days). Jayn may have created a thunderstorm the night of their first date.

They didn't have anyone they wanted to ask to prom (at least, that's what they told Bruce), so they figured they'd go together. They even chose to match, his tie to her dress.

Jason Todd was killed seventeen days before Gotham Academy's prom. Jayn didn't go to prom. She didn't go to the funeral. She didn't go to Oxford, which both she and her best friend had gotten accepted to. To all outward appearances, she just disappeared.

[robyn-i-guess]

liking someone platonically is so embarrassing like. yeah i admire you. yeah i think about you all the time. yeah i look forward to every time i see you even if it's only for a minute. yeah it's all platonic and yeah i couldn't explain this because it'd sound romantic. fucking hell

[mochasucculent]

Dumb thing that would not leave my brain

[demaparbat-hp]

He's never happy

[tawnysoup]

Finally now that the comic is fully public on comicfury, I get to share it with all of you here, too <3

If you enjoyed, please consider supporting by buying a PDF of the comic on itch.io: https://tawnysoup.itch.io/home-in-the-woods

[churroach]

Full of Desires

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

License to Kitty.

[saelrum]

"Was I sweet once?"

[femmeofhearts]

i hope (know) this is how everyone who has ever fumbled me feels

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[noodles-and-tea]

I don’t know if it’s just because of Alex’s personal voice quirks or whatever but Bill and Stan talk in quite a similar manner and my personal head canon is that Bill does it on purpose to mess with Ford :(

[dhampiravidi]

I Loved You Then, I Love You Still (2/2)

Valentine's Day had become one of Jayn's favorite holidays as an adult. Sex was an excellent part of it (not like she ever waited til February to fuck), but it was nice having friends and close family to share the day with, too. And she had Jason.

They'd started the day nice and early, with their "as long as we're not sick or injured" tradition: right at midnight, they jumped each other's bones. It was nice, waking up later that morning all naked and cuddly. She loved seeing his hair all overfluffed, and seeing him with a peaceful smile when she gently moved his signature white tuft out of his eyes. "Hey."

"Hey." They fooled around under the sheets, then a little more when they got into the shower. Jason cooked breakfast as usual, which the couple ate together before Jayn went off to work. Working on Valentine's Day wasn't her ideal situation, but it wasn't out of the ordinary, either. She continued to be in a good mood, spending most of the morning having coffee-sponsored conversations with Tim. He and she shared an open-concept office, which was basically one floor with just their two desk spaces a few yards apart (plus The Couch for Sleeping, a few art pieces, and Tim's $16000 coffee machine). As they worked on their laptops, they chatted about their bigoted board members, unique investors, and beloved R&D initiatives, sharing both groans and laughter. Then, hours and hours later, Jayn was done for the day.

She picked Jason up, and they drove over to Wayne Manor. Usually, the visit didn't last long, since they only went there to drop off some holiday cards and hug the members of their family who lived there. Alfred always checked the two of them for poorly-dressed wounds before handing them a Tupperware of leftovers and a reminder to come back for Sunday family dinner. But Jayn had another reason to visit. While Jason was in the kitchen with Alfred and Bruce, she went up to her old bedroom, making a beeline for the closet.

When Bats moved out of the Manor, their rooms were left untouched, mostly in the event that they had to sleep in there again for some reason. She ignored her high school-era posters and dug through all the stuff that hid Jason's gift. It was just the thing to mark their five-year anniversary (of dating)...an annotated copy of Hamlet. In fact, it was the exact same copy they'd used to help Jason train before he had his audition when they were teenagers. Jayn had reread and put comments in the margins, the same way her boyfriend did when he read novels. She'd put hers in a small gift bag that was stuffed with wrapping paper.

Anyway, that's what she was pulling out when something soft and cool brushed her neck. Jayn straightened up, bag in hand, to see what had come into contact with her skin, and froze.

It was the dress she'd never worn. The one she'd bought for prom. She hadn't bothered having a quinceanera, because her mother couldn't be there. A prom was gonna be her big, perfect dance, and she was going with Jason...even if they were just going as friends.

He ended up finding her curled up on the bed, hugging the gift bag to her chest. And then he wordlessly served as her big spoon. It wasn't like he'd gotten to go to prom, either.

[blondie-drawings]

mama a Body behind you 😰 // pt1/pt2/pt3

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[birdmenmanga]

they are putting yaoi in the city art museum and censoring nsfw content with heat-responsive material so you have to put your hands on it to see dick

[mawvax]

watched transformers: one and it was so good it made me draw again. Even my sibling who isn't into tf loved it. i need transformers: two IMMEDIATELY.

some spoiler art below v

Please for the love of everything that has ever existed... watch the movie and support it in cinemas or streaming - wherever - so that we have a trilogy . . .

Future meet Past

THAT scene k i l l e d me. I was in pieces when megatron was born. Completely rocked my world. God I'm so happy to be alive to witness this movie and this breakup again and again in different continuities.

Edit: the “selfish and reckless” line is intended to be Optimus blaming himself for D-16’s drastic change - it’s how I imagine Optimus rationalising how things became so wrong. Sorry for the confusion!