#I love this show because all the women are very competent and could protect me

[slowlypalefire]

Event Story

Elbert vs Ellis

Part 3-Elbert's ending

* The translation are not guaranteed to be entirely accurate, so expected some errors.

Man walking down the street: "Oh, hey! That carriage ran out of control. Is it okay!?"

Dress women: "Kyaa! Run away quickly!"

(- eh)

An out-of-control carriage was heading towards the small boy who was walking right next to me.

Elbert & Ellis: ".....Huh?"

(I have to help that child, but...)

A carriage approaching towards me. At that moment before I could breath,

Someone hugged me as hard as they could, shock runs through me.

When I reflexively opened my tightly closed eyes, someone was there.

Kate: "Lord Elbert!"

Elbert: "...Are there any injuries? ... Where does it hurt?"

Kate: "Yes, that kid..."

Elbert: "It's okay. Here."

(Ah...)

Mr. Elbert held me and the child in his arms.

(The carriage...)

When I looked up, I saw Ellis-kun were rein and soothing the horse.

Thanks to the two of them, no one was injured even though the carriage ran out of control.

By the time the rescued child was returned to his parents and the situation was under control, the sun was setting.

Kate: "Elbert-sama, Ellis-kun. Thank you for helping me."

Elbert: "Kate,.. I'm glad you're okay."

Ellis: "I never thought you would help them all at once."

Elbert: "..."

"...If you only help Kate,What if something happens to the child."

"Kate is the one who will grieving."

(eh?)

Ellis: "...."

"...Of course, I can't imagine the opposite."/

"...Of course, the opposite is unthinkable."

Lord Elbert gently held my long hair. He raised it and smiled at the color.

Elbert: "Then, just protect everything."

Kate: "...Lord Elbert"

Ellis: "...I see."

"Kate-san, this battle is my loss."

"El is always faithful to his desires."

"-but"

"I don’t think that will happen."

For a moment, I felt like a shadow crossed his twilight eyes.However, Ellis-kun smiled kindly as usual.

Ellis: "Then I'll go.Both of you,Happy Valentine's Day"

-Back in Elbert's room-

Kate: "Once again, thank you for protecting me, Lord Elbert."

Elbert: "yeah.."

After returning to the room, I checked to make sure Elbert-sama wasn't hurt anywhere, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Elbert: "Kate. ... Is that mine?"

In front of your eyes is the “favorite” chocolate cake on the plate.

Kate: "Yes, of course. Um, Elbert-sama"

Elbert: "...?"

Kate: "I think it’s unwise to say something like this now, but.."

Elbert: "It's fine."

"Everything...I know."

"You've been making it for me from the beginning."

"However, you couldn't refuse the kind Ellis. ...Am I wrong?"

Kate: "...How did you know?"

Elbert: "Because I like you for being so kind."

I am happy to hear Lord Elbert's unwavering words.I feel sorry for that.

Kate: "But I'm sorry that I made you work so hard because of that."

Elbert: "....? . Why are you apologizing?"

Kate: "eh?"

Elbert: "Doing your best for your lover is... obvious."

"Besides...it might be nice to compete."

Kate: "Why is that?"

Elbert-sama, normally he wouldn't fight like that.

Because he's a very gentle and strong person.

Elbert: ".. That's right"

"As for Kate, I won't give it to anyone after all."

"...Today it was a fight for chocolate, so I didn't get hurt."

His fingertips touch me and he strokes me with the pad of his thumb.

It's like marking it as your own.

Elbert:"If Kate is taken away from me, I will not show mercy."

"..Just remember that."

Kate: "Yes, Lord Elbert"

"But I’m not going anywhere. Furthermore... I can’t go anywhere."

"You, who I love so much, are by my side."

Elbert: "...I see."

I was hugged so tightly, it was painful.

That strength is a little stronger than usual, and Lord Elbert's feelings flow into me.

I know that you are trying to hold back your various emotions and be kind.

I fall in love with this person so deeply that I feel like I'm falling into the bottomless depths again.

Kate: "...Elbert-sama."

While being hugged, Lord Elbert's kiss my white neck,

Kate: "Elbert-sama... Hmm."

Before I could close my eyes, our lips touched.

Elbert: "...I’m in trouble."

Kate: "...hmm,...what…is it...?"

Elbert: "I ate the chocolate that you made. "

"...But I also decided to eat you."

Kate: "Hmm, hm...m."

Lord Elbert is weighing his two desires, He doesn't try to stop kissing me.

His dangerous desires are thrown at me, and my stomach is getting hot.

Elbert: "Hmm...ah...I see."

"Is it okay to eat chocolate with you?"/

"Let's eat chocolate together with you.Is it okay?"

Elbert-sama grabs a piece of chocolate cake with a fork and puts it in his mouth. and…

Kate: "...Ah"

Keeping our lips on each other, he slowly put me on the bed.

There's no chocolate cake in my mouth Then, with a sweet sigh, our lips parted.

Elbert: "...It's delicious. Kate and the chocolate cake too."

"But it's still not enough. I want you...all of you."

[bookburners]

Women in The Artful Dodger

If you want a crash course in how to write strong female characters in male-lead stories please go watch The Artful Dodger.

Belle Fox Belle who is the Female lead of the story is shown to be incredibly ambitious and intelligent from the start. Her ambition and intelligence isn't watered down or made to be "Less threatening" either. The show lets her know more than the male lead and lets her be outspoken about her intelligence. She is a smartass, and the show lets her be! and doesn't paint it as a wholly negative quality. She wants the best for people. To paraphrase "Surgery is also about life". She doesn't just want to become a doctor because it's interesting or because she wants to save herself, she also wants to help. Not to mention it's lightly implied that the reason she began getting into medicine and surgery is because she knew something was wrong when her doctors didn't.

She is also allowed to be snotty, arrogant, and selfish at times. She's the governor's daughter and the writing doesn't shy away from her privileged position, it shows her use that position of power multiple times throughout the series in manners that help other people and herself. Not to mention her growth, she learns that good and bad aren't black and white. While she still has a long way to go she is willingly learning more every day.

Hetty

Hetty very easily could have fallen into the jealous girlfriend category but instead, she is shown as competent and down to earth. While she doesn't get a lot of screen time her moments shine. She goes from being off put by Belle (which was fair) to forming what I believe to be the start of a friendship and a great partnership. When Red is giving birth she steps up. When Belle is actually helping she goes along with it. At every corner, she could have been petty but wasn't. I really hope that if there is a second season she gets more time, I want to know her story because her few moments in the sun were spent shining.

Fanny

Fanny could have so easily been Belle's foil. Fanny is silly, vain, feminine, a bit dense, with enough love to fill up all the oceans, and an obvious comedic relief. The writers could have pointed to her and said "Look at this dumb, silly little girl you don't want to be like her, let's make fun of her" but they didn't. She is so incredibly kind at every turn. I know there's so much more to her and she deserves to be delved into.

Lady Fox

Lady Fox is the villain, of course, but she is so much more than that. In the very first episode, it is made apparent that she is the one in charge. One of her first scenes is when she takes death warrants away from Captain Gaines. She says she'll give them to the governor but it is implied she doesn't. Up until the end of the series when she locks Belle in her room, they seem to have a good relationship. It's only really revealed she has malicious intent when she confronts Jack. After that more and of her character is revealed to us. She helps Captain Gaines, Screws over Jack, Marries Fanny off to a criminal man baby (there's no way she didn't know), and almost kills Belle (on accident). but that doesn't erase what we saw in the beginning. Don't get me wrong I hate her but I feel like she's more complex than power hungry, classist, vixen. There's one line in particular that sits with me "It's better than talking to them," talking about the portraits Belle was taking down. There is so much under her cold exterior. I can see were Belle gets it from. I don't like her but I want to understand her.

Red

I love her, I love her! She is the most wanted criminal in there town, She told Belle off when she was being snooty. She loves her child and wants her to protect her! I have do much to say about her. I’ll give her her own post!!

Sorry that was rant-y and not Beta’d. I just needed to say it

[horizon-verizon]

Hi, I’m curious on your thoughts about the promo pic of the Green Queen and the Black Dragon chess pieces from Entertainment Weekly?

Do you think it’s representative of who the dance was between? I’ve seen varying opinions, some of them happy with the Green Queen chess piece and some believing it should’ve either been a Green Dragon or Green King chess piece.

Always love hearing your thoughts/analysis! 😊

For context:

It's already a King chess piece, since it has the cross:

Queen chess pieces look like this:

And knight pieces look like this, almost always the horse or "steed", the instrument or being used for warfare:

The most important thing to me is that these pieces signify and show the personalities and claims and supports of Aegon vs Rhaenyra, and not just the teams or those supporting them. Because that is what all this is supposed to be about--Rhaenyra vs Aegon.

Of course, I could never expect atp for the show to really make Rhaenyra as she was from the books and we already saw that her banner would not be as her books's. this is a different Rhaenyra form the one we know from GRRM's own description, characterization, etc. the one who stayed behind in Dragonstone during rook's Rest bc of her recovering from miscarriage AND how it's just better for monarchs to not be directly in battles. She is not the ult-femme woman who loved jewels, rich clothing, to flaunt her heir status. Is not the fiery and proud woman of canon. I know all that. But I simply hate it, bc it's also a subtle choice to display that sort of femininity as "bad" and non-conducive of leadership...which reflects bad on Daenerys bc Dany is pretty femme but also a great commander and leader, which flouts the medieval notion that women cannot be good leaders in of themselves as they aren't entrusted with armies.

It certainly makes a certain kind of sense to have a dragon as the Knight piece since both sides use dragons for the war it doesn't seem to make sense for just the black team to have a dragon represent their entire team and/or Rhaenyra. We could make the case that a dragon Knight piece is attributed to the blacks bc it's supposed to represent Rhaenyra's rightfulness and emphasize how much of a Targ ruler she is meant to be bc you give her the dragon vs Aegon's piece being dragonless. How the green chess piece shows how Aegon is more banking on his Hightower background/Andal male primogenture-ness--thus the green color of the piece--to gain him the throne more than him relying on his Targ heritage since Viserys--previous monarch--didn't choose him or support his claim. I like the idea of putting more dragon iconography on the team black piece.

But since the dragon is replacing and mimicing the usually horse-Knight piece and dragons/horses are symbolic of aristocratic soldiers more than ruling royals (bc they are the cavalry) and the queen piece was left totally out of this promo, it gives Daemon more than Rhaenyra to me. Rhaenyra, of course could be just on dragonback flaming people like Dany did back in GoT, but they didn't bother to even put a sort of crown on the black dragon piece similar to the ordinary queen piece who usually has some raised spikes about the head to refer to those of a royal crown. Again, where is the "queenliness"? I resent the black piece giving more "Knight" than "Queen" while the green piece is like Hightower-backed Aegon/king and is thus doing more to express what team green is than the Knight piece is doing for team black.

Knights--though unpredictable, able to hop over pieces in their way, and harder to track than Queen pieces and thus seeming to be more "powerful" and fun--are there to protect the King as all pieces are, including the Queen. There are 2 Knights to spare, versus only one Queen. This very comparison and competiveness to see who's "stronger" also doesn't capture/opposes what should be going on between show!Rhaenyra and Daemon and what was likely going on b/t them, which was Daemon totally and long having been seeing Rhaenyra as his liege lady, his political superior, etc. to bring their house forward. It's a false narrative of women-peacemakers-butfailing-and-men-war-mongers-meant-to-be-softened-by-women-so-war-is-an-natural-and-inevitable-phenonmenon-and-women-aren't-inherently-strong-enough-to-be-good-rulers. (I saw that trailer, I know they are making Rhaenyra....after 6 long damn years, be unsure of Daemon's loyalty DESPITE her having said she needed him against the greens back in episode 7. I'm saying the writing of this show and its logic is ridiculous.)

For the black piece, instead of leaning into direct militarism, they should have leaned on the Queenliness for Rhaenrya as much as they did the character of "kingliness" for Aegon and play with AND AGAINST those gendered binary depictions of "power" that chess already deals with--the King piece can only move in all directions one square at a time, whereas the Queen does how many squares "she" can once "freed" from her orig spot. She's the more "ferocious", the more direct of the two. The more active. LEAN INTO THAT!! MAKE RHAENYRA'S FEROCITY EMBLEMATIC OF THE SORT OF "POWER" OF A REAL QUEEN CHESS PIECE'S.

First suggestion? Make a sort of dragon/queen hybrid? Because she is a dragonrider and then even more so as the heir, bk!Rhaenyra AND show!Rhaenyra trouble the Andal patriarchal gender binary even with her being ult femme in presentation in the orig canon. Or have the Queen piece of the promo either replace the dragon or have a gold dragon decorated into the usually far more elaborate Queen headpiece portion of the chesspiece. Then it would give more "Rhaenyra" and that the black team are fighting for her. Not for Daemon's interests. Or have a dragon's wings as the crown? Or weave the showViserys/Jaehaerys crown as the black Queen chesspiece, or something.

Especially with the gold ornament for the King piece tying in nicely to signify Sunfyre, who Aegon should be using as part of his side's sigil (no canonically, Aegon doesn't have a green field on his sigil, bc black is still a Targ color and he's trying to signal himself as a Targ king):

So, in a word, I hope it is not going to be the mess I describe.

[medievalpeasant]

Okay so i first mentioned this a while ago but i have confirmed that Plumbeline Uvano is at one point described as a grape (at 1:26:35 in For Candia! part one) and never described as a plum, even in her introduction. Therefore, based on the evidence I layed out before (she’s around the right age, she’s Gustavo’s daughter, etc.) she could very easily be “son” of Amangeux. This would also track with the fact that Plumbeline has no canon mother, and Gustavo has no canon wife.

This is obviously far from canon, and it was mentioned in the adventuring party that Anjali Bhimani did not even initially make the connection between the grape son and Gustavo Uvano (fair enough, there are so many characters in this show) but it is, to me, a very compelling idea. I mean, I love trans women, so that’s great on its own, but it also connects the arcs of Plumbeline Uvano and Lady Amangee Epicée du Peche in a realllly wonderful way.

Amangeux’s arc in Ravening War can be understood as her movement from a role of Queendom, prestige, and leadership, to position of service, in the shadows, helping Gustavo Uvano rise to the position of Emperor. In the beginning of the story, she’s scrambling to maintain her title as Queen of Vegetania. She attempts to set up political marriages, she works with the FDA, is desperate for others to refer to her as queen. We understand why after the assassination of Pamela Rocks. Its fundamentally about safety. Amangeux is desperate to protect her young child (potentially plumbeline). After the Queen of Candia’s death, it becomes clear that a crown will not save you, and Amangeux immediately tries to run, to go into hiding with Plumbeline. Noble titles don’t make you safe, and so her hopes of marrying Jacque and becoming queen again are abandoned.

The tragedy under Pangranos further proves to her that power doesn’t matter. Deli, Karna, Raphaniel, all attempted to wield their titles and the titles of others for their own gain and protection. In the end, two are dead and the third has left politics and the public eye forever. They could scheme, but they couldn’t stop a monsterous god with iron teeth from ripping their lives apart. At that point, Amangeux decides to give up her son to the Uvanos, leaving him in their protection while she serves. She has no titles, but by standing beside Gustavo and helping him to succeed, she has a great deal of security. Importance is placed on the connection between power and safety.

Plumbeline, if she is Amangeux’s daughter, would’ve been five when she was placed with her adoptive father. She would know who her mother was, some of what lead her to do the things she did. She spends her life in her father’s shadow, serving as his advisor and subordinate. She is competent and cunning, but can never rise to the heights her father did, because Amangeux gave her to the Uvanos to be safe. Plumbeline grows bitter, and after her fathers death betrays Gustavo’s closest friend in exchange for the title of emperor, achievable only because of the turmoil caused by the war in Candia. The Concorde is is thrown into terrible danger, but she is it’s ruler. She invovles herself in a war against powerful people, makes them her enemy, and is killed brutally when they retake their homeland. She trades safety for power, and pays brutally for it. The lessons her mother learned during the ravening war are for forgotten, and Plumbeline dies. If Amangeux is still alive during the events of A Crown of Candy (which she easily could be) she sees the security she bought for her daughter at a steep price set aside, and her only child killed.

It’s compelling!! Plumbeline being the wine grape is totally possible based on the evidence, the time frame, and it makes for a really interesting tragic storyline for the family du Peche. Even if they’re not related, the parallels between these two fructeran noblewomen is real cool! The writers of this show are great omg :p

(also the relation between gustavo makin this whole important cocordant empire for the purpose of preventing another another continental war also implies an interesting relationship between power and safety but i don’t want to write a whole nother essay)

[cowboyhorsegirl]

my eyes spy a character opinion ask game, so you know what im here to do.

i want the opinions™ on the emh!avengers 👀

(or just tony, and 2 other characters of your choice if the avengers is too many characters.)

thank you so muchhhhhh for the ask! :D

i started trying to answer this by narrowing down which 3 characters to put up on the bingo board and you can clearly see how well that went jfkdsljfdfk

Tony Stark

EMH!Tony characterization AND character design is so fucking *clenches fist* just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know i've talked about EMH!Tony specifically at length before but unfortunately the words simply aren't coming to me right now to describe how much i like him (I like him so, so much). One thing I will say is that I miss the way his nose looked in the first episode before they finished yassifying his character design. He still looks great after they change it, but S1E1 "Iron Man Is Born!" Tony is my desi king and i adore him <3

Steve Rogers

I love EMH!Steve so much, I feel like of the multiversal Steve's, this Steve is much more self-assured, specifically in the period of time immediately after he is found in the ice by the Avengers. His character design took some getting used to, but honestly by the end of S1, he had fully won me over to the point where I no longer feared for the structural integrity of his top-heavy weight distribution and actually liked how Shaped he is.

This Steve is a bastard who's first name is Malicious and last name is Compliance, and we love him for it. I adored how you could see him actively loosening up around the other Avengers as he spent more and more time with them. The difference between Steve just out of the ice and Steve at the end of S1 is so palpable and it's incredibly satisfying to see him come into himself more as he adjusts to the future and to his team.

My only complaint is while i was enthralled by the [REDACTED] story arc, I'm still very salty about the fact that Steve is basically MIA for like. half a season :/ which considering the whole show only lasted two seasons is upsetting :(

Janet Van Dyne

I actually managed to pull together some coherent thoughts about Jan here, but the long and short of it is that I love her I'd marry her I'd die for her I'd kill for her she's a bestie she's my ride or die she's so high maintenance she's got terrible taste in men she's got incredible taste in women she keeps tissues in her purse but she never cries in public.

Her character design.... literally what is there to say? Perfection, perfection, perfection, *chef's kiss*, absolutely not a single note because she is flawless.

I also have a very soft spot for scenes in which her teammates protect her from huge explosions while she's Wasp-sized <3 <3 They all care about her so much and she's so fierce and competent but it's also so lovely to see her teammates having her back when she needs it :')

Bruce Banner

Honestly EMH!Bruce Banner is my favorite iteration of Bruce Banner/Hulk that I've seen yet. I really really really really appreciate how, even though Hulk has comedic moments, his character is not reduced to comic relief. And I loved how the show portrayed Hulk's and Bruce's relationship with each other, the way they're both distinct personalities who are both good people that ultimately want the same things (acceptance, the chance to do & be good in the world) while also being caught in this struggle to balance power and control between them that sometimes catches them at odds with each other. Extremely compelling stuff.

I love both of their character designs separately. I also love how both of them interact with other people, namely Clint. EMH S1 especially is rife with bruceclint fodder if you're interested in that ship!

Dr. Doom

Oh my god, what's NOT to love about EMH!VVD???? Truly, EMH is Victor Von Doom's world and we're all just living in it. He has such a commanding presence in the (sadly few) scenes that he's in, and I love how whatever the Avengers/Fantastic Four are doing is always incidental to what he's got planned. Like, yeah, he gets that they're trying to stop him but he truly could not care less about it and that's so hot of him.

My headcanon is that every single character in EMH has a daddy kink for Dr. Doom and NO i am not projecting and if i were what of it? Mind your business.

Hank Pym

Now Hank... Hank is a tough one. I don't think it's any secret that I despise him, and for all of S1 and most of S2 that was very true. The problem with Hank is that politically, I fuck with him the hardest, but unfortunately for him I do not watch animated children's TV shows from the early 2010s to get my politics validated. And unfortunately for ME, EMH made the character who has the best politics also the most annoying motherfucker in the series. *spits*

But the thing is, Hank makes a very intense about-turn in characterization somewhere in the middle of S2. Basically, what happens is that at the beginning of EMH, Hank is Ant-Man, some time in late S1/early S2 (I can't really remember whoops!), Hank stops being Ant-Man and it's all very angsty of him, and then the big characterization change happens when Hank is revealed to have created a new superhero persona by the name of Yellowjacket.

All of this mostly makes sense in canon, but even so it's kind of jarring, which is almost 100% due to the fact that the creators of the show knew they only had like 3/4ths of a season left to tie up all the loose plot threads as best they could. Because of this, the show ended before I could really see how New-And-Improved Hank deals with a lot of the personal, interpersonal, and professional conflicts that plagued him during S1, which would have been really fun to see and to judge if he really had changed as much as it seemed like he had. It's all very interesting. IDK how I feel about it.

I also want to say that, even though I (mostly) can't stand Hank and I desperately love Jan, Jan and Hank together is a terrible, terrible couple and it's not all Hank's fault either. Hank doesn't trust Jan's autonomy and capabilities in the field. Jan doesn't respect Hank's scientific endeavors and professional passions. Both of them fundamentally disagree on the roles and responsibilities of superheroes in society. It's a mess. I like to believe that if the show hadn't been cancelled, there would have been an arc of Tony and Jan dating each other in order to make both of their real romantic interests jealous, which would have at least made all this back and forth worth it, but alas. Alas...

[runekeepershymnal]

I don’t get nostalgic for a lot, but dang… 90s and early 00s animation programs. Like, not even necessarily a specific show, but there used to be these animation anthology shows at that time, which then became programming blocks.

There was a good chunk of time when a lot of us had no clue that the Japanese animation we were watching was from Japan. Like Voltron? Cartoons were cartoons were cartoons when you were in the single digits in the 80s and you had to physically change the channel yourself.

But there were two timeslots that were very dear to me: On Saturday mornings, the Sci Fi channel (long before it becamse Syfy) would air some anime movie or show (when I say show, I mean they’d pop the first VHS in a series in and air that, because that was all they had. I still don’t know what happens after the first bit of Record of Lodoss War).

But today, let’s start with the anime.

Among the things I first saw on the Sci Fi channel:

Akira. Yep. I mean, airing Akira at like 9 am on a Saturday was certainly a move, but I guess no one ever called them on it because it aired a bunch of times. Saturday morning body horror, baby.

Demon City Shinjuku. Again, another bold choice for 9 am on a Saturday, especially since this one always had the vibe that it could turn into hentai at any moment (this is one of those vibes that I only learned to identify later in life, in a “oh that’s why I felt vaguely suspicious” way.

Vampire Hunter D. I have to believe that this planted the seed for many dorks my age to become goths.

Lily C.A.T. (or was it L.I.L.Y. Cat?) Pretty straightforward Alien ripoff.

Tenchi Muyo In Love. Kinda hard to follow without context? Who are these people? What the fuck is Jurai? Why are all these women after that one specific dick? Thank you to all the Geocities and Angelfire pages who explained it to me.

Project A-ko. So… there are two women, one a freewheeling redhead and one an uptight bluehair, and for some reason they’re fighting over who gets to protect this extremely annoying blonde child.

I think Galaxy Express 999 might’ve been on there at some point?

Something involving police with tanks.

8-Man After, which was cool as fuck and I need to rewatch it.

Robot Carnival, one of the best fucking anthologies of all time, even though I distinctly remember some of it being problematic as fuck.

There was also zero information about what they would be playing. None. Like if you went to the channel that told you what was going to be on that day, and sat your happy ass down and waited for it to scroll around to the Sci Fi channel (a think you had to do because there was no manual scrolling), or looked it up in the actual physical little magazine that was the TV Guide, it would just say Saturday Anime with a two hour block. The selections were so unpredictable that it had the vibe of a substitute teacher just picking a tape at random. Sometimes it’d be the same movie or show multiple weeks in a row. There was a significant degree of only marginal fucks being given at best.

I so badly want to know how this block came about, because this was usually like, infomercial time. In fact, I think there might’ve been an hour long block of infomercials before and after. Like… who made this decision, that they would compete with actual Saturday Morning Cartoons kids blocks on network with whatever anime VHS they had kicking around at the time? Was this someone’s personal collection? Was this just what they happened to be able to get rights to? What the fuck happened to the rest of Record of Lodoss War?! Was volume two just always out of stock at Tower Records and FYE?

Eventually, Cartoon Network came along, with the Toonami block at first and then some things aired on Adult Swim, but I imagine that for a lot of people my age (so your parents… jesus, maybe some of your grandparents?) this was our first introduction to adult animation.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[cuddlytogas]

loathlylady replied to your post: WELLP!!!!!! I've never cried at a podcast before,...

My bby Tim ��

YOU DIDN’T WARN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT ONE DAY I’D HAVE EMOTIONS ABOUT A GUY ASKING INDIRECT QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kathonydaily]

I know this is a very wide question but I'd love to hear your thoughts on the differences between anthony's relationship with siena and his relationship with kate?

Sure. First of all we need to take into consideration Anthony's state of mind in s1. The guy had spent almost the last decade taking care of his family, his duty coming before anything else...except when it came to fullfill his duty with marriage. He wasn't ready to do that. He just wanted ONE thing in his life where he didn't feel trapped. Because having the responsabilities of all of his family members on his shoulders was EXAUSTING and he just wanted something in his life for himself and not binded by duty.

And here comes Siena. She was a way out of his responsabilities, an escape mechanism. And even better he knew in his heart he could have never married her, so eh, SAFE choice for a guy who was scared to marry for love. But what he felt for her was it truly love? Ehm, no. Don't get me wrong he did care about her, and I do believe at some point he also believed he loved her, but in reality they were both using each other. Not once he shared with her the burden he had to carry, not once he told her about his father, and she clearly didn’t understand his NEED to protect his family. They had great chemistry in bed that transformed into some feelings for each other, who both mistaken as love (expecially Anthony), but that was it.

The truth was Anthony would have never chosen her over his family. NEVER. Yes he did want to run away with her if he survived the duel with Simon, BUT the reason why he was doing that duel was BECAUSE of his family. Running away with Siena would have been a consequence of that. He never truly respected her or her feelings. He kept making promises to her and then had to take them back because his family came first. And huge points for Siena for calling out the BULLSHIT of her going to that ball with him at the end of s1. Because that was truly bullshit. Yeah, they were going to that ball together and then what? At the end of the day, he would have never married her or be with her without feeling the burden of his responsabilities. Siena knew it, we all knew it.

However the fall out with Sienna was the push he needed to make the decision to find a suitable wife. He TRIED to have something for himself, outside of his duty toward his family, and he failed miserably. He clearly was destined to be the viscount, the head of the family, to carry all these responsabilities on his shoulders, and nothing more.

And here we are at the beginning of s2. He treated the search for a wife as it was a business transaction, because for him it was. The Viscountess needed to have some requirements to be able to carry his family’s name. She needed to be perfect on paper, but also not provoking in him any kind of great display of passion. The last part wasn’t so hard, actually. I mean, he never felt truly attracted to any of these women even when he wasn’t searching for a wife. Too young, too boring, too proper. It was like they were truly a carbon copy of each other, their mothers all telling them how to act. His attraction to Siena in fact, showed us the type of women he was truly attracted to: wild, competent, intelligent, indipendent, and not afraid to speak their minds.

So he was ready to sacrifice himself once again, finding the perfect wife, but also one who could have never fell in love with. What about the woman’s feelings? Well there was no way she would have fallen for him. He was unlovable, Siena left him, hell even his own family despised him, so...yeah, NO WAY she would have loved him like his mother loved his father. The ‘Stay Away’s montage was the perfect way to showed to us where he was at this point in the story: resigned to his destiny, focused on finding the perfect wife, but also pretty much over everything. Happiness had never been his strong suit, even in s1, but in this montage we saw him worned out. He couldn’t find even a little bit of solace in his sexual encounters, because even them became more a routine than a way to find some pleasure outside his exausting responsabiities. He was becoming more and more dead inside, a shell of a person.

Than a miracle happened. Kate came into his life. This vibrant woman, full of life, and spunk. Since their first encounter, we began to see a different Anthony from the one we knew. It’s like she literally brought him back to life. We began to see the Anthony his family thought they lost when Edmund died. And the best thing: he didn’t know what the hell was happening to him. He didn’t know what he was feeling for her, until Daphne pointed that out to him in ep4. Because he had never felt that way before. He thought he loved Siena, but what he felt with her was nothing compared of what he was feeling with Kate. She challenged him to be a better person, she forced him to face his issues and overcome them. And even better: she understood him in a way no one has ever done before. They both shared the need to protect their families, their inability to choose their own happiness over duty, the traumas of being put into leader’s positions at a young age.

He wanted her so much that he was literally FERAL in her presence. Anthony has always been a very passionate guy, even with Siena, but the best thing with Kate was that even if he wanted her more than anything else, when he touched her he was gentle and reverant. She was literally the only one who has ever been able to tame the wildest part of himself. He also did respect her, in a way he had never done with Siena, or anyone else, really. Daphne said that to him in ep6, the fact that his father was the only one he truly respected, or listened to. But he did listen to Kate, her opinion, her feelings, what she truly wanted, they were all things very important to him.

He wanted her so damn much that DESPITE his family being on the brink of ruin all he could think about was running away with her, finally doing something for himself, his family be damned. And after coming to terms with his feelings for her and that there was no escaping them, he wanted to marry her even if he knew that would cause an even bigger scandal for his family, but again he didn’t care. He was choosing himself and what he wanted for the first time in his life and it felt good, it felt RIGHT.

In conclusion, the biggest difference between Anthony/Siena and Anthony/Kate, was Anthony himself and how those two women affected him. Siena was an escape mechanism from his duties, Kate saved him (they saved each other), she was his soulmate and the love of his life.

[gaysimpsstuff]

Hi! I was wondering if I could request more of the Mha biggest kinks? I really liked it. I would like to request two characters and the rest you can choose. The characters I wanted to request were Tokoyami and Aizawa. I hope you have a good rest of your day! Stay safe, and don’t get sick!

Alrighty! Let’s goooo!

Sorry, this took so long to come out, I had very little motivation and my brain was being mean, but I have motivation again now and so I'm ready to begin writing again.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get a fic out to you guys every three days or so.

Part One Here

Part Two Here

Genre: smut

Type: headcanons

Warnings: smut, heavy kinks, BDSM, NSFW

Characters: Tokoyami, Tsuyu, Mirko, Aizawa 

 Other: I must admit, I headcanon Tokoyami as asexual, so writing for him was a lil difficult, but It presented a unique challenge and well, I love writing challenges and you know that!

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy @catcherisvibin @thesubtlewhore @popcatx0

Fumikage Tokoyami/ Tsukoyomi-

Submission- this man has 0% confidence. He doesn’t trust himself to dom. He’s gotten so used to not being in control being a bad thing, so according to trauma response, it’s likely that loss of control will become a kink for him. He needs this, okay? Needs to be taught that not having control isn’t always a bad thing. It really isn’t when he’s moaning beneath you.

Threesomes- he’s very used to not being alone, Dark Shadow will be there even during sex with you. It’s embarrassing at first, but you’ve gotten used to him being there during your dates, so it’s almost as if you’re dating Dark Shadow as well. Dark shadow indulges in Fumikage’s more... raunchy kinks, the ones that he’d be too embarrassed to ask you about.

Costumes- He just wants to be fucked while you’re both dressed like royalty. He doesn’t know why, but many types of fancy clothes turn him on. This may just be because his form of self-expression is rare, and so he has few friends who indulge in a more Emo style. He has no objections to being dressed like a prince or princess (he’d even wear bright colors for you).

Love and Affection- I headcanon him as Ace, so for this he’s Demi. And what leads to Demisexuals being sexually attracted to someone? Love and affection. Just kiss his beak and pet his head and tell him you love him. It might result in him crying because he’s never gotten that affection before.

Humiliation- He’s still kinky, okay? He likes being degraded, hit, and told just what a ‘silly little slut boy’ he’s being. He wants you to have him pressed into the pillow, whining as he babbles about what a bad boy he’d been.

Choking- Listen, a boy who wears a bright red choker wants it to be replaced with your fingers, okay? It’s best when you’re indulging in his costume kink + a little roleplay and you’re acting as some warrior or supervillain and he’s some hero boy trying to take you down. Usually results in him being choked against the wall as he grinds down on your leg.

Tsuyu Asui/ Froppy-

Look at that beautiful woman

Switch- Look at her and tell me she doesn’t have the capacity to top or bottom. Really, she’s quite incredible like that. She also has very little preference so it mostly depends on whether you want to top or bottom.

Bondage- this is more of a bottom Tsu thing, she likes shibari best, beautiful ropes (or silk for better comfort) keeping her body from moving away, while the patterns and colors compliment her soft and sweaty skin.

Praise- Doesn’t matter who’s topping and who’s bottoming, praise is wonderful. Once you called her a good girl after training (when she totally kicked Kaminari’s ass) she just kind hid her face and squealed. It was adorable. She’s also very honest, so when she praises you it’s usually just her being honest with you. It’s so very sweet and ugh- damnit now I just wanna hug her

Hand Kink- Nothing is better then feeling your hands tracing her body, cupping her breasts, squeezing her ass, pulling her hair, just touching her. You’ve caught her just kind of... staring at your hands multiple times. The best thing is when she’s pressed down into the mattress, clutching the sheets, and you grab her hand, curling your fingers between hers and flexing them. 

Hair Pulling- Nobody has that much hair and doesn’t develop a hair pulling kink, and that’s literally all I have to say on the matter.

Tongue Play- More of a Top Tsu thing (hehe alliteration), she will tie you up with her tongue if she wants to, and she’s done that before. The oral is great, ass, pussy, dick, no matter where you want her tongue it will be there, and it will be everywhere. You want to be absolutely at her mercy? Just ask her to use her tongue. She may or may not get carried away because it just feels so powerful, to be able to make you feel so many things with just one body part that she’s trained to have complete control over. 

Rumi Usagiyama/ Mirko-

Domination- Look, just- just look. Look at that woman. Tell me she doesn’t want to always be on top. Tell me she doesn’t take offense to being asked if she wants a break from topping. Tell me she won’t shove you against the wall, bed, floor, fucking table and just absolutely take control of you. Tell me she doesn’t own you. Now I’m not personally attracted to women but this woman is the one fucking exception. 

Mommy- She likes this mostly because it humiliates her bottom. It’s embarrassing to say something so lewd, to refer to her almost like your caretaker, and she loves it. Especially when her sub whimpers or stutters while calling her that, she fucking loves it.

Brat-Play/Punishment- If you’ve read the Team-ups special manga thingie, you saw her appreciate Bakugou’s pure rage towards villains, which makes me think she enjoys putting villains in their place. She lovess watching you misbehave, pretending she doesn’t care, then absolutely wrecking you when you get back home. Her favorite thing is the tears + plus barely being able to apologize for their brattiness.

Predator/Play- I mean, she’s an animal. She loves the chase, feeling so powerful over her helpless little sub. If her partner’s quirk makes them a wolf or something that traditionally hunts rabbits, then she’ll be estatic about competing with you for dominance before proving again and again and again that she’s the one who wears the pants in this relationship (or the one-piece hero costume ig)

Biting/Marking- Everyone. Everyone needs to know who you belong to. Even if your skin physically cannot bare marks, she will still bite and suck at your neck and shoulders to try and show off the marks. Show off the cute little sub that belongs solely to her.

Breeding- She’s a rabbit, it’s instict to want children. Even though she can’t get her sub pregnant, she will still babble about fucking a baby into you. Maybe if you’re AMAB and could get her pregnant, she’d just ride you until you get her pregnant (even though she probably doesn’t actually want kids, so protection is used).

Shouta Aizawa/ Eraserhead-

Bondage- He's a hero, he's conditioned to know that he's won when his opponent is all tied up. He feels like he's won you over when you let him tie you up, and he loves the feeling of knowing you can't escape him.

Daddy- I mean seriously, you can't just act like a literal father figure to every single person around you and not have a daddy kink! He likes to take care of you, and he loves it when you cry 'Daddy please!'

Teasing- Even if he's a caregiver at heart, he won't just give you what you want. You need to beg and whine and scream for it. He wants to stave off your orgasm, avoid touching you where you need it, just to hear your pitiful whimpers and the way you cry for him.

Teaching- now he doesn't enjoy a teacher kink as in 'you're my student' kind of roleplay, but he does enjoy teaching someone inexperienced just how to suck him off, how to hold onto him, and what to say to make him growl.

Praise- He wasn't praised much, still isn't, so being told he's perfect for you will either end up with him literally crying on you, or fucking you harder just to hear you tell him how much you enjoy his cock.

Cock Worship- Nothing gets a man going like having your partner on their knees in front of you, kissing and sucking on your balls, treating you like a god. It's incredible to have you take your time pleasuring him.

[nevermindirah]

I hope Simone Biles gets to curl up in the fluffiest blanket and hear the funniest jokes from her very favorite people today.

She's 24 years old — she's an adult, and damn did it show today when she was put in the position of announcing to the world that mental illness symptoms caused her to withdraw from an Olympic event. But fuck, 24 is so young. The idea of being forced to disclose what are probably very severe mental illness symptoms to a global audience while those symptoms are happening, my heart just breaks for her.

The media talks about Simone Biles like she's a superhuman. And hell yes, she's the most exceptional gymnast in history! Rave about her all day long! But she is a goddamn human being. I'd forgotten that Larry Nasser abused her, because the media attention is so laser-focused on her historic talent. The media didn't let me forget that asshole abused Aly Raisman.

I just, the human mind was not built for the intense scrutiny this young woman is facing. And so many of our institutions were built specifically to extract money from the dehumanization of Black women. I just really, really hope all the people who love her are holding and protecting her.

Simone Biles makes stunning withdrawal; U.S. women’s gymnastics takes silver

American gymnast Simone Biles withdrew from her final Olympics team competition in Tokyo on July 27, which ultimately lead to Team USA taking silver. (Allie Caren/The Washington Post)

full article under the cut

By   Emily Giambalvo Today (Tuesday July 27, 2021) at 1:39 p.m. EDT

TOKYO — When Simone Biles soars through the air, her skills flow in an effortless rhythm that makes the extraordinary seem simple. She’s been superhumanly dominant for nearly a decade, even with a load of pressure and expectation always resting on her shoulders. But as Biles pushed off the vaulting table Tuesday night, her first flight of the evening, a peculiar sight emerged: She looked lost and shaken as she flipped and twisted, unable to perform the skill she intended.

So Biles did the unthinkable. She stepped away from the meet and her role in the United States’ quest for another Olympic gold medal in the women’s gymnastics team competition.

After her unusual vault, Biles scurried out of the arena with a medical staffer by her side. She said she realized she wasn’t in “the right head space.” When she returned to the competition floor, she pulled her sweatsuit over her leotard and hugged her three teammates, who suddenly became aware they would have to compete without her.

At first, they were stressed and in tears. Ultimately, they earned a silver medal, placing second to the Russian Olympic Committee team.

At 24, Biles is the veteran on the women’s team. But she says she doesn’t trust herself as she used to. The sport doesn’t feel as much fun, she says. Nerves bubble to the surface, especially in the high-stakes environment of an Olympic gymnastics team final. And on Tuesday, it all became too much for the world’s best gymnast.

“I know that this Olympic Games, I wanted it to be for myself,” Biles said afterward, tearing up. “I came here, and I felt like I was still doing it for other people. So that just hurts my heart that doing what I love has been kind of taken away from me to please other people.”

Biles stands among the world’s most popular athletes. She holds power to spark change with her words. She’s been an outspoken critic of USA Gymnastics, the national governing body she represents, and how it failed to protect gymnasts from sexual abuse. Biles is the only self-identified survivor of former national team doctor Larry Nassar’s crimes still competing at the elite level.

After the United States qualified for the team final in second place on Sunday, Biles wrote on social media: “I truly do feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders at times.”

When asked about those comments following her decision to withdraw from the team final, Biles said: “Yeah, that s---- heavy.”

Five years ago, when Biles led the United States to a gold medal at the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, she probably wouldn’t have made the choice to withdraw, she told reporters. She said she might have pushed through, attempting dangerous skills while second-guessing herself and “fighting all those demons” that occupied her mind. In 2021, she said, withdrawing was the right option — for her safety and even for the team’s medal chances.

“We want to walk out of here,” Biles said. “Not be dragged out of here on a stretcher or anything. So it's like, got to do what's best for me and that was what was best for the team.”

Biles arrived in Tokyo with the expectation that she could earn up to five gold medals. Now she has a silver and a spot in five individual finals — the all-around competition, as well as the final for each apparatus. But she doesn’t know what lies ahead for her at these Games.

“We’re going to take it a day at a time and we’ll see what happens,” Biles said. She confirmed that she had no physical injury, “just my pride is hurt a little bit.”

With the all-around final Thursday, Biles admits that there will be a quick turnaround. Annie Heffernon, the vice president of the U.S. women’s gymnastics program, said USA Gymnastics has a plan in place to help get Biles the professional support she needs. Biles said in the past, therapy has helped with mental health challenges. But this high-stress atmosphere of the Olympics made the struggle on the competition floor too much to overcome.

“Going into the next couple days, it’s like …” Biles said, pausing to collect her emotions as her teammates wrapped their arms around her. “Sorry,” she then said. “It is what it is. Whatever happens, happens.”

Biles could return to herself — a dominant gymnast who understands that her performance here is secondary. Or she might not feel comfortable enough to compete again. Biles said her goal for the rest of the Olympics is to “focus on my well-being and [that] there’s more to life than just gymnastics.”

As Biles trained for her second Olympics, she said she wanted the Games to be about herself — not about what others thought and not all those otherworldly expectations that she can somehow usually meet anyway. As these Games approached, she said, she felt that mind-set drifting. The struggles seeped into her training, prompting mental errors. The vault in the team final was the first public sign that something was not right, but her teammates had witnessed similar episodes in practices.

“She was giving us a little heart attack,” teammate Jordan Chiles said.

“It just sucks that it happens here at the Olympic Games, because it can happen any other time,” Biles said. “But with the year that it’s been, I’m really not surprised how it played out.”

As Biles stood on the sideline Tuesday night wearing a white sweatsuit and cheering for her teammates, she processed the drastic decision she had made on the sport’s biggest stage.

“At the end of the day we’re human, too,” Biles said, “We have to protect our mind and our body rather than just go out there and do what the world wants us to do.”

[fariytail]

Can you do a Lyon or sting hc? It could be of anything I just love them 🥰🥰🤩

❥ what would they be like as boyfriends:

Includes: Sting, Lyon, and Rouge

Sting

You get to date the hot blondie, that all the women want. Expect a bunch of jealous looks your way when you walk into town with him. Sting will be an enthusiastic and thrill seeking boyfriend. Sting will cheer you and celebrate you even if you didn’t win a fight or failed at something you desperately wanted. “Don’t give up.”

Training with him. You’re his lover and his training partner, he promises to go easy on you but when you remind him that you two are only training to get better at fighting - he trains with you like his life depends on it. Though, if you are too fragile to train with - he trains with rouge instead. No need to get his lover hurt.

Plenty of PDA, Sting is not embarrassed about your relationship at all. He will place kisses all over your jawline with a bunch of people in the room. He also uses subtle excuses, such as: “You have a little something here, darling. Let me get that for you.” “When’s the last time you've kissed me, huh?” “There was a “kiss me”planted on your face, right here.”

Needs plenty of affection as well and hates to see you leave for quests. “Promise you'll come back?” He'll be anxious for your arrival half of the time as well and tries his hardest to busy himself. When you return, he expects lots of kisses and cuddles. Throw in a date as well.

Lyon

Supportive but also straightforward. As your lover, he does the best he can to support you and always be there for you big accomplishments. Lyon also constantly asks you to travel with him. First off, because he wants to show off. Second, he wants to make sure you are safe. When you can't come with him, he'll mail you letters at the end every week to make sure you're doing okay.

Lyon always wants to make you laugh so he can see your smile. He makes a lot of jokes when you get hurt part of it because he's nervous and the other part is because he wants to know you're okay. Lyon enjoys time with you more than you know it, as a boyfriend, he wants to see you shine.

Lyon brings you gifts from time to time especially if he feels as if he’s been away for a while now. Lyon isn’t low on the affection either, he always wants to make you feel loved and expects you to do the same.

Dorky and competitive as well. He’s compete with you just to see how far you’ll go to strive that goal that you are reaching for. Lyon does pretend like he’s striving for your goal a lot but he only does it in order for you to be more competitive about it.

Rouge

Quiet and always picking up on the little things you do. He’s the boyfriend that observes everything that you do and then later tell you about because you said something about it. Half of the time you wonder where he gets all the information. It’s just by watching you.

Not much of an expressive lover. Rouge rarely talks but is always a great listener. Rouge, from time to time, does give advice on your problems. Though, most of the time expect him to respond with a hum. It isn’t because he’s not listening, most likely doesn’t know how to respond or is a bit confused on your problem. He doesn’t bombard you with questions about it, though.

Not much PDA, he does it sometimes bit it isn't rare. A peck on the cheek or a simple kiss on the lips will do for him. Protective Rouge as well, he was already protective when you guys were friends but it's up it's game. Rouge also feels very uneasy about you going on very dangerous quests alone.

Rouge will always be serious about your health as a lover. He’s always worried about you even though his face may never show it. He is. Sting and you are possibly best friends and he’ll get jealous from time to time because of it.

[horizon-verizon]

What do you think of Cersei? Do you like her character? (Both show and book versions)

*EDITED POST* (11/6/23)

Watched GoT before reading the books. 

I genuinely loved & was fascinated by Cersei (as a character). There was never a dull moment with her and her nonsense.

She actually made sense behaviorally:

[me] raised to believe in the exceptionalism of her house and her father, overly entitled due to her need to resist her father's devaluing of her, selling her body out for power, and her need to practice power. Her need to protect her kids and claim to put them before anything else was rife with hypocrisy, yet I also was moved by her losing Joffrey. Why? Because you could see she actually loved him in her own fucked up way and she herself was both understandable (in the sense that I could see how she turned out the way she did hoe the patriarchy failed her immensely), active, and not boring. I loved that she was bold and that she was bold enough, since childhood, to fuck her own brother and use the Targs as part of justification. I think of her self-inflicted loneliness that comes with her narcissism: she wants love and power but she can never truly accept the power and love she does receive (being Queen Dowager and having Jaime so into her) because she wants perfect, absolute power and to be seen/be "perfect"ly in control, in appearance, in manner and be equal to the sort of man she imagines she could be if she were Jaime...to be "Jaime" (also why and how she doesn't actually really understand or can relate to anyone, even her own lover since both were children) and to have all the power a woman or man can have over every other woman in Westeros. She's compelling because her desires are intense and clumsily handled. Kirby describes Cersei as "childlike' in her emotional control. For some, she's very relatable in how she self-sabotages her need for just...more. Some do not even have to be narcissistic to relate to Cersei so much as know what it feels like to realize you'll never have a thing denied to you and still desire it, sometimes go too far in trying to embody/obtain something like it.

[thoughts and being reminded after watching TikTok's Gamesof ThronesHistorian] Before Robert whispers some other girl's name on their wedding night, Cersei also has an issue with not "measuring" up to the masculinized standards of competent personhood, so Robert's revealing that he wants and continues to want Lyanna over her pokes at Cersei's deepest insecurity. Cersei expected to marry Rhaegar after Tywin dumbly got her hopes up and she spent a lot of her time fantasizing about being with him and being Queen--hopes are dashed after Rhaegar marries Elia instead when Aerys dismisses Tywin's suggestion--he calls Tywin a "servant", thus if Cersei ever heard this (she likely did) she would also have been mortified and jilted. After the rebellion goes in Robert's favor, she marries him and she finally gets to be Queen (the position dangled in front of her like a prize since childhood, snatched away, and now she "has" it back), she discovers that the queenship doesn't make up for Robert's clear preference for the same girl "her" Rhaegar got himself supposedly killed for. She thought she "won" against Lyanna & Elia, that they wouldn't "haunt" her ruined dreams, and that her marrying Robert would fix everything but the marriage only traps her with a man who will never see her without thinking of what he's amissing with Lyanna. And it quickly becomes abusive. For someone like Cersei, who grew up being told she is the most beautiful and thus an exemplar of women and having almost nothing for herself but that AND being queen as Tywin always promised to her own self (bc her patriarchal society affords way less in terms of prestige, value, and recognized respect to women as it does men & boys AND makes physical features comparatively final measure of worth for girls and women]), it's not that hard to see that Cersei's feelings are not baseless, totally irrational, nor groundless. Her already existing insecurities mushroomed into a plague that also sharpened her need to be "perfect", and counteract the feeling of never measuring up. Her emotions are so intense and uncontrolled and she remains totally unaware of her loneliness & she doesn't really ever address this properly to understand how she can at least psychologically and independently believe in her own strength and develop such strength, so she comes across as childlike.

That being said, I hated her as a person both in the show and the book because of her abusiveness of her brothers, her children, her delusions of grandeur, the disrespect and audacious spitting at the Martells (when it was Tywin who enabled Elia and her kids’ murders) -- I don’t remember, but it is totally within Cersei’s character to be glad for Elia’s murder out of jealousy and entitlement.

I also experienced abuse from my own mother and she is very much like Cersei in a lot of ways. It was refreshing to see that onscreen and in a book. But I also understand her because a huge part of why she is so evil and power-hungry is because of society and her own family continuously objectifying, dispossessing, and degrading her for being female, AND then she makes the unconscious-conscious "decision" to hate women and try to embody her father (unperceived flaws and all) to feel in control and accuse agency and political power for herself while using the avenues available to a woman simultaneously (making her extremely hypocritical). Tywin treated hers as a broodmare and political device more than he ever seemed to treat her as someone to care for and never seemed to have had a truly intimate moment with her. And, as a cis woman who looks "feminine" enough and who was born into a family that is heavily on the conservative side despite being of African descent, I have experienced what she has several times. Her hypocrisy, her hungry need, her falling into her own traps and the fact I can really understand her while being disgusted by her at times are what allure me to her.

Therefore, she is one of my favorite ASoIaF villains. Maybe even my top? IDK.

Check out these 2 Posts I wrote about her where I'm a bit more analytical about her:

[bloodstained-ballgowns]

Things I Loved About Black Widow (2021).

*Spoilers*

Yes it’s been almost two weeks since release. Yes I’ve seen it almost three times now. Yes, all my thoughts are still a jumble. Somewhat ordering them for this post will be difficult.

Honestly, the entire first 53 minutes of this movie is perfect to me. Everything about it. The dialogue, the action, the way it’s able to convey so much without words, how it’s just Natasha, Yelena and Mason, everything is just *chef’s kiss*. (This isn’t to say the remaining 1hr 21mins is bad, it’s just not as perfect as the first act imo)

I have a thing for scores and god bless Lorne Balfe he really understood the assignment on this one. If you haven’t already, take a few minutes to listen to his composition, specifically ‘Natasha’s Lullaby’. I love when you can hear a story in music and I think this score does that really effectively.

Nat speaking Russian! Nat speaking Russian! The way she reverts back to it in the opening scene when she’s scared! I wish we’d gotten more of it honestly, especially in the family dinner scene, even something as simple as ‘pass the salt’.

Also, her Russian accent in the Budapest flashback! It was quiet but definitely there, and it showed that her American one was something she had to train herself back into once she defected, which I appreciated.

“I stashed that like five years ago” Is this a canon hint that Nat hoards her food? Maybe?! I’ll take what I can get to satisfy my headcanons thanks.

Natasha and Yelena’s fight sequence in the apartment is the best fight scene in the movie. No arguments.

So much of my inner monolgue while watching was just ‘imsogayimsogayimsogay”. That much leather and that many piercings??! The BRAIDS?? This movie is for the wlws.

Mason you absolute icon I love how much you care about Natasha I love that you’re sleeping everywhere because same. (You deserved better than to be a Taskmaster misdirect). Please turn up in more MCU properties as Yelena’s contact or something.

“But you’re not a mouse, Melina. You were just born in a cage, but that’s not your fault.” THIS LINE!!!

AND THIS ONE. “You took my childhood, you took my choices and tried to break me. But you’re never gonna do that to anybody ever again.” The emphasis on choice vs children, how it’s always been about bodily autonomy instead of the romanticised horror of sterilisation that Whedon went with. 

“I never let myself be alone long enough to think about it.” I GASPED.

HONOURABLE MENTION: “You didn’t work in the shadows, you hid in the dark,” (or something). There’s something really satisfying about that line. 

Everything about this film is so inherently female, I love it when things don’t reek of testosterone.

I’ve heard some critics say this movie felt really ‘isolated’ and ‘disconnected’ from the rest of the MCU because of the time jump and how many new characters there were and I have to hard disagree there. The appearance of Secretary Ross, name-dropping Tony Stark, and the continued references to the Avengers were not only realistic but also really cemented this oneshot in-universe for me. 

*cue me flapping my hands and opening another draft because every separate point is eliciting another two paragraphs of analysis that I absolutely cannot include on this post or it will never end*. Man I love this movie. See the read-more because this is getting longgg.

Similarly, how it actually carries through on a lot of previous set up, mostly from Avengers 1, like with ‘Dreykov’s daughter’ and “thank you for your co-operation”. I got very nervous when they announced they were going to tackle Budapest because a) I didn’t think anything they came up with would ever live up to the hype people gave that line so it would only end in disappointment and b) I’ve never particularly cared, to be honest. (it was a throwaway line in Avengers 1 that was repeated for nostalgia in Endgame in a context that now makes no sense, forgive me for being indifferent) but I actually loved how it tied everything together.

The way it reclaims her from every male creator that’s handled her (fuck the Russos and M&M) while simultaneously keeping the best of what they managed to foster (again, Avengers 1 is a heavy influence, and rightly so, but it gives a fat middle finger to AOU, also rightly so).

How competent Nat was shown to be without being unbeatable. She fully got her ass handed to her a couple of times, and yes, it’s very unrealistic that she was able to go through two car accidents, fall off that bridge, out of that window and then out of the sky without being seriously injured, but we finally got to see the physical manifestations of some of that pain! She was holding her ribs when she got out of the water, the bruises on her back, the dislocated shoulder, and the blood splatters were actual splatters when she broke her nose rather than delicate dabs.

This might be an unpopular one, because I know this was what a lot of people were expecting more of, but I was glad Natasha’s youth in the Red Room was confined to the opening credits. The aftermath of that training and Natasha as a product of it has always been more fascinating to me than the actual event.

As an older sister myself, the dynamic between Natasha and Yelena really struck home for me. Yelena’s pride in Nat and need for approval and validation from Natasha in conflict with realising Nat’s flaws, wrestling with her disappointment, seeing how human Nat is, were perfectly portrayed by Florence Pugh. I could completely relate to Nat, who, despite trying to convince herself otherwise, couldn’t fight her fierce protective instinct and specific brand of unconditional love that only an older sister will ever feel. 

A diverse set of Widows!

I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of comics references in this movie. The frame where she jumped through the fire from the Waid/Samnee run, the pheromonal lock.

Now I have my problems with Scarlett Johansson, but I came out of this movie with a lot of respect and a little bit of pride in her. It’s clear that she put her everything into this movie, both as an actor and executive producer. She obviously cares immensely about Nat and how she’s portrayed, and it’s clear from interviews that the things she loves and finds fascinating about Nat are the same as the fans. (I also feel a little bit sorry for the way she’s getting brushed over in the coverage in favour of a new and shiny Florence Pugh, so this is me expressing some ScarJo-as-Natasha appreciation).

A big question I had going in was, ‘Natasha’s always reflecting the people around her, but what’s she like when she’s alone, and has only her own mind for company?’ and this movie really answered that for me. Seeing her out of her suit and wearing clothes that were for her, not for a cover or a mission, seeing her drink beer and eat ice cream and let her hair dry while watching a Bond film she’s obviously seen many times before, it was all perfect. The scenes in the caravan were a huge step for humanising women in action movies. 

I’ll probably be adding to this post a lot because this movie will not leave my mind and new things are occurring to me at the most random points. 

See my ‘Things I...didn’t like as much about Black Widow’ post here.

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[mistressemmedi]

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]

[xjoonchildx]

guilty | knj x reader | chapter one: how odd

summary: as the man at the top, kim namjoon has almost everything he wants. almost. could a familiar face from the past change his future?

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: mafia AU, pining, eventual smut

rating: 18+

word count: 2.8K

notes: you guys have been so amazing with your feedback on “guarded” and it warms my heart that you loved hoseok and ms. kim -- so it’s time to show mr. kim some love, too.  this series will not be long (probably three parts) but i had to break it into chapters because of the POV shifts. please let me know what you think about this chapter and as usual thank you so much to all the tiger wives and my amazing betas @ladyartemesia​ and @hobi-gif​.

this series is dedicated to the amazing @sahmfanficbts​ who is an incredible writer, an awesome woman, and kim namjoon’s number one fan.

this fic is a continuation of the Guarded Series but can be read as a standalone piece.

Chapter 01 | 02 | 03 | Epilogue

**********************

“You fired me?”

Namjoon turns at the sound of the quiet accusation that comes from over his shoulder.  

There is color in your cheeks as you cross the length of his office.  Your jaw is tight, one lock of hair falling free from the loose knot at the base of your neck. One perfectly-arched brow is raised high.

You look hurt.

Beautiful -- but hurt.

Guilt hits Namjoon like a freight train.

“Of course not,” he deflects, taking a seat.  He picks up one of the papers scattered across his desktop and pretends to read it carefully.  “I reassigned you to a position I believe will be a better fit.”

There’s no way he could miss the irritated breath you suck between your teeth but Namjoon keeps his eyes glued to that paper in his hand.  He realizes, absently, that it’s a takeout menu.

He hopes you haven’t noticed the same thing.

“Well, was there some kind of problem with my performance?”

Namjoon winces at the dejection in your tone.  He finally forces himself to meet your gaze and finds your eyes brimming with frustration.  

He certainly can’t blame you on that account -- you have every right to be frustrated.  You shouldn’t be made to feel somehow lacking when it’s him who is lacking in every way that counts.

“Quite the opposite,” he says carefully.  “I think it’s a waste of your skills to have you keeping my schedule and taking calls.  Seokjin can make better use of your talents on the business side.”

A strained silence settles over the room and Namjoon clears his throat before looking back down to his papers.

“Well, the new girl is terrible at this,” you say flatly.  “I certainly wouldn’t have let me walk in here unannounced.  She’s too busy looking at her phone to look after you.”

Namjoon knows you’re right about that.

In the few short months you’ve worked for him, you’ve proven yourself to be unnaturally attuned to his needs. You knew without asking which calls he was trying to avoid and when, when to clear his schedule the day after a rough night on the streets. You’ve kept his office stocked with every comfort he’d ever wanted and some he hadn’t even realized he wanted.  

You are the single best assistant he’s ever had and he couldn’t stand to keep you around for one minute longer.

You don’t wait for Namjoon to formulate some kind of response to your damning and accurate observation.  By the time he looks back up from his papers, you’ve already turned on your heels to leave.  

He watches you walk away with regret weighing heavy in his gut.

**************************

Namjoon’s keys clang loudly when he drops them on the table in his foyer.

This penthouse is the best apartment in one of the best buildings in Seoul.  It’s filled with lavish furnishings and expensive paintings and boasts a stunning view of the Han River.  It’s one of the finest residences in the city.

And Namjoon hates it.

The vacant rooms and the echoing walls seem to mock him, making him all the more aware of how empty it is.  How completely devoid it is of any life. Most nights he stays at the office until he’s delirious with exhaustion just so he can collapse straight into bed once he gets here. 

Tonight though, for once, this place seemed like a better option. 

Namjoon pulls off his tie and releases the first few buttons of his shirt before pouring a scotch.  

He’s drinking too much these days -- he knows it -- but the drinks help slow the constant movement of his mind.  They help dull the anxiety that seems to take over when he’s too still for too long.

He walks to the window to look out over the night sky.  

This is his favorite way to see the city -- high up enough that everything looks pristine.  Get closer and you’ll be assaulted by the noise and the crowds and the pollution.  Get closer and the flaws are too hard to ignore.

“Was there some kind of problem with my performance?”

Your words echo as clearly in Namjoon’s mind as if you’d spoken them out loud in this cavernous apartment. He takes a seat in his plush chair and sips his drink, savoring the familiar burn of the scotch.

He thinks back to when you both were kids.  

Your father -- one of the few decent men in his own father’s inner circle -- didn’t bring you around much.  He can only recall a few social functions you’d attended before taking off to university.  News of your father’s death came shortly after that and it had been years since Namjoon had even spared a thought for you.

Then you came walking through his office door.

You definitely weren’t a kid anymore, that much was clear.  

What was much less clear was why you -- a college graduate -- turned up one day, desperate for a job.  He hadn’t questioned your need for fast work and fast money and you hadn’t questioned the long hours and strange requests.

You repaid him with a flawless work ethic.

And he repaid you by fantasizing about fucking you blind over his desk basically every chance he got.

So yeah, there was a problem, all right.   

The problem was Kim Namjoon.

*********************

“There you are.”

The voice on the other end of the line practically slithers into Namjoon’s ear when he answers the late call. 

“Mina,” he sighs, infusing the name with a displeasure that comes through loud and clear across the connection.  “This line is for business only, you know that.”

Mina makes an exasperated sound.

“I wouldn’t have to call your cell if you’d return my messages from the office.  I’ve been trying to reach you for more than two weeks now. I’m starting to feel like you’re avoiding me.”

Namjoon pulls the phone away to allow himself a long exhale before putting it back to his ear.

“How did you get this number?”

“You’re hung up on that?” Mina groans. “Honestly, Namjoon.  I reached out to your new assistant who was more than happy to pass it along.”

Fuck. He’s going to have to fire the new girl, isn’t he?

“She’s a nice girl,” Mina muses.  “Far more competent than that last assistant of yours.  Excellent decision on replacing that woman if she fails to complete a task as simple as delivering a message. Three messages, actually.”

Namjoon mulls that information over in silence.

“Where is your mind these days, Mr. Kim?” Mina tries to cover her displeasure with a laugh but he hears it anyway.  “You’ve been so distant lately.  It’s been too long since we had the chance to enjoy one another’s company.”

Namjoon can envision the pout she is wearing on the other end of the line and it aggravates him beyond belief.  Pouting ranks near the very top of his least favorite female manipulation tactics. 

Pouting makes him want to put his fist through a wall.

“Are you still there?”

“Yes,” he mutters.  “I’m here.”

“Are you drunk?”

Namjoon grits his teeth, fingers tightening around his glass.

“No, Mina,” he grinds out. “Not drunk. Just not in the mood.  Not anymore.”

She sputters on the other end of the line as Namjoon ends the call.

Maybe he should feel bad about being so blunt, but he doesn’t.  It’ll be a week before she’s onto the next wealthy, connected man.  Women like Mina make sport of locating and latching on to power. 

She’ll survive.

Namjoon stares out into the night sky and sips his scotch, letting his mind wander back to the one piece of the conversation that did capture his interest.

What are the chances that you -- a woman with seemingly unerring attention to detail -- forgot to deliver three separate messages from the same caller? 

He contemplates that in the dark.

How odd.

***********************

YOU

Kim Namjoon was the most serious boy you’d ever seen. 

Even as a young man, he seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. You can still close your eyes and remember exactly how he looked back then -- standing solemn at his father’s side, lanky body swimming in a suit he’d not yet grown into.  His hair just a touch too long and falling into his eyes.  

You thought he was the most handsome boy in all of Korea.

Namjoon kept mostly to himself -- no easy task given that his status alone made him the most celebrated catch amongst the children of the Gajog.  

Everyone fought for the attention of the boy who would be king.  

It would have been so easy for him to abuse the power he had over his peers, to treat them with disrespect, but Namjoon never did.  You noticed how kind he was to the children who idolized him.  You noticed how well he managed the volatile moods of his alcoholic father.  You noticed how he hovered protectively over his sister.  

He never noticed you, of course.

Your own father was careful to limit your exposure to the Gajog and as such, you lived on the outskirts of the social circle.  By the time you were a teenager, you’d only spoken to Namjoon directly a handful of times.  The few times you did see him face-to-face, you’d had to suffer through that awkward moment before his eyes lit with recognition.  

It always took a minute for him to remember who you were, but when he finally did -- every time he finally did -- your heart would stop just a bit at his shy smile.  

That was the image you held on to when you held your breath and walked into his office a few months ago.  You’d taken a deep breath and prayed that the quiet, kind kid you’d known so long ago hadn’t changed too much over the years.  And then you stepped into his posh office.

Kim Namjoon definitely wasn’t a kid anymore.

The Namjoon who stood up from behind his desk to bow a greeting was nothing short of devastating.

Standing in place of the slender boy from your childhood was a man with deep, dark eyes and a striking, angular face.  His suit -- cut to fit every line of his body to an exacting standard -- did nothing to conceal his powerful frame.  He had grown into the full lips that once seemed a bit too large for his face. 

Without a doubt, he’d become the most handsome man in all of Korea.

The shy smile remained, though -- dimples prominent when Namjoon extended a hand to shake yours and you woodenly accepted, blinking back.  You’d realized, absently, that you were gawking.

You hoped he hadn’t noticed the same thing.

If Namjoon had picked up on your mortifying reaction to seeing him after all these years, he was far too much of a gentleman to let on.  He’d offered you a seat and then listened patiently as you explained that you were in need of a job -- any job -- so long as you could start right away.

You left out the painful details, of course.  

Namjoon nodded quietly as you outlined your education and qualifications and emphasized your willingness to serve the Gajog in any role he saw fit.  His eyes were warm and reassuring as you spoke, but you still braced yourself for the possibility that he’d send you away empty handed.

He didn’t.

At the end of your impassioned speech, Kim Namjoon made you an offer you could not refuse.  

Reporting directly to him and starting right away.

***************************

The serious boy you’d known so many years ago had grown into an even more serious man.

It didn’t take long on the job to notice the bone-deep melancholy that seemed to emanate from Kim Namjoon.  He was good at concealing it in front of others but you saw it clearly.  The way he would stand at his window at night, drink in hand, brooding.  The way the shadows behind his eyes would surface when he thought no one was looking.

But you were always looking.

You wanted so badly to help.  

You wanted to do something to help ease the burden he seemed to carry around at all times.  So you threw yourself into the work, memorizing his routines and taking note of the things he needed.  You organized his files.  You streamlined his schedule.  You ran interference on Yoongi and Hoseok and Seokjin on the nights when his moods turned dark and ominous.

Tiny gestures, in the grand scheme of things -- but there were days when you could convince yourself the gestures made a difference.

Days when Namjoon would look at you with a quiet appreciation that made you feel heat down to your toes.  Days when his eyes would soften as you’d instinctually met some need he hadn’t voiced out loud. Days when the darkness inside of him seemed to recede and one of those heart-stopping shy smiles would emerge.

You convinced yourself over time that this was enough --  that taking care of him like this would be enough for you.

It had to be enough. 

To allow yourself to imagine otherwise was nothing short of delusion.  

**********************

“Eomma?” 

You call out into the quiet as you lock the door behind you.  You can barely make out the sound of your mother’s soft reply from her bedroom.

This is where she spends most of her days now, shuffling between her bed and her chair, too weak to stand for more than a few minutes at a time.  Pill bottles litter the nightstand, obscuring the yellowing photograph of your parents as newlyweds.  

“My sweet Ttal,” she rasps, voice hoarse from disuse, “You’re home.”

“I am,” you sigh, sweeping into the room and pulling off your coat.  You bend down to drop a kiss on her forehead before taking a seat at her side.  Your mother’s once-luminous skin is now spotted with age, eyes cloudy and dull, but she is still one of the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen.   

She flinches when you take one of her hands into your much colder ones.

“Sorry,” you murmur, massaging over the paper-thin skin.  “It’s freezing outside.  I should have warmed them first.”

She gives your fingers a gentle squeeze.

“Home early again,” she croaks.  “Is everything okay at work?”

Her innocent question brings the sadness simmering just under the surface of your thoughts back to a full boil.  You still can’t understand why Namjoon chose to reassign you -- and you still can’t forget the sting of getting the news secondhand from your replacement.

Your face falls at the memory and you hope your mother doesn’t notice.  

The last thing you’d want to do is add worry to her already long list of concerns.

“Yes, Eomma,” you soothe, smoothing back her hair.  She leans into your touch with a tired smile.  “Everything is fine.  My new boss doesn’t keep me as late as the old one did.  But that’s a good thing, right?”

“Right,” she agrees, closing her eyes.  “Mrs. Sim left just a short while ago.  She brought some Japchae for dinner.  Not as good as mine, but not half-bad, either.”  

You laugh at the way the corner of her mouth lifts into a smile at her jest.  

People like Mrs. Sim are in large part why you’ve fought so hard to keep your mother here in your childhood home.  The financial strain has been tough -- particularly when paired with the medical bills -- but you need the help.  With no siblings to share your burden, you’ve had to lean on the goodwill of longtime neighbors.

“Leave Mrs. Sim and her Japchae alone mother,” you tease, standing to stretch.  “I’m going to get a shower before bed.”

Your mother makes a noise that sounds like approval, but you can tell she’s already drifting off again.  

She’s on so many pills these days; a blessing and a curse.  More pills means less pain and better rest -- something she desperately needs.  But more pills also means far fewer moments of lucidity -- much shorter windows of time for you to enjoy your mother’s quick wit and dry humor.

She’s back in a sleep state before you even make to stand.  You stroke your fingertips across her face just as your phone pings in your pocket.  You pull it out and very nearly dismiss the routine banking alert altogether -- but something catches your eye.

You swipe into the app to confirm you’re seeing the numbers correctly -- that your tired eyes and tired mind aren’t playing games with you.  

They aren’t.

The direct deposit of your paycheck is coming on the date it should, at the time it should.  But the number glaring back at you from the screen is higher -- much higher -- than it should be.

A demotion and a raise in the span of one week?

How odd.

******************************

GLOSSARY:

Gajog: Family

Eomma: Mother

Ttal: Daughter

tag list: @barbikatherine​