#I love that people are becoming receptive to it but it’s like talking to walls. just right over their heads

[binders-and-beanies]

Also as much as I appreciate people who identify as queer and can be normal about people not wanting to be called that. I also feel like there is a fundamental difference in worldview that cannot be explained or truly understood. Like it’s not just about one word, it’s an entirely different way of thinking about gender and sexuality and oppression.

Like sure you can respect my wishes regarding the word itself (after being reminded many times in enough different ways). But my problem is with the way you perceive me that led you to initially think of me as queer. That takes a lot more deeply layered unlearning than a simple change in vocabulary.

And it’s clear in the way that queer people talk about *why* they think I don’t like that word, that they don’t understand where I’m actually coming from. I can explain over and over in a million words what Not Queer means to me and why it’s important, and they’ll reflect back almost exactly the opposite.

Because we’re thinking from entirely different viewpoints and life experiences. Thus me not identifying w queerness in the first place. Bc we are so fundamentally not the same

[shelbgrey]

Prompt 1.7 the hearing aid one with Garrett from Twilight if you can! I'd love to see him with a mate that was born deaf and perhaps has a cochlear implant. Perhaps post what happens when she becomes a vampire and hears for the first time without the use of her implant. Please and thank you!

Voice of an Angel(Garrett)

Parring: Human!Cullen!Reader X Garrett

Summary: Garrett loves everything about you even if your deaf, he's always been fascinated about your cochlear implant and even learned sign language for you. But then he has no choice to turn you into a vampire after an accident, but on the bright side you hear for the first time.

Prompt: 1.7)“I'm not ignoring you. My hearing aid just doesn't like you”

A/n: for plot reasons we're just gonna say Garrett was invited to Edward's wedding and that's how you met then you'd be in astablish relationship by BD2

Twilight Master list

“It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, It sounds so sweet. Coming from the lips of an angel Hearing those words, it makes me weak” - lips of an Angel, Hinder

-------(3rd pov)-------

Bella and Edward's wedding ceremony went off without a hitch and now they're husband and wife. Y/n clapped for her little brother dispite the lonly and aching pain she felt, she wanted what Edward had.

During the reception y/n turned off her hearing aid, getting tired of all the noise that surrounded her. She was leaning against the wall away from everyone when her best friend Eleazar came up to her.

“you okay?” he asked, she didn't respond too stuck in her day dream. Eleazar nudged her, making her look his direction. She turned her hearing aid back on a smiled.

“you turned your hearing aid off again?” he asked. She shrugged. “I hate how loud it was getting”

“try listening to all this with vampire hearing” Eleazar joked.

As the friends talked something or someone cought her eyes. She looked over and saw a scruffy vampire joking with Emmett and Rosalie. She pointed towards the vampire. “hey El, who's that?”

His gold eyes shot to the direction she was pointing. “I don't know... Friend of Edward's maybe”

Garrett looked around as he was joking with Emmett, he tried to ignore the smell of humans everywhere as he had promised not kill anyone, but then one smell cought his attention, it wasn't an appetizing smell... It was a smell he was attracted to. He looked over and saw a woman, the prettiest one he's ever seen.

He couldn't explain the emotions he was feeling, but he knew one of them was jealously as she laughed with a guy he didn't know. He nudged Rosalie not taking his eyes off the girl.

“who's that over there...” he pointed at y/n. Rosalie smiled. “that's y/n.. She's the newest member of the family, she's kinda like our big sister”

“she's gorgeous” he mumbled and for a second he forgot about the advanced hearing him and Emmett possessed. Emmett smacked him upside of the head. “that's my sister... My human sister”

Garrett, not phased by the smak walked towrds y/n, completely ignoring Emmett's threats. As he silently walked towrds her he felt relieved as another woman whisked the guy she was talking to way.

“Hey, I'm Garrett” he said flashing his devishly handsome smirk. “you looked lonely”

“y-you mean board” I she chuckled. He smiled then looked at all the couples dancing. “would you care to dance?” he held out his hand, y/n didn't know why but she took the strangers hand.

“I'm y/n by the way”

“Garrett” he replied as he pulled her to the dance floor and flawlessly swayed around the room among the other couples his ruby eyes stared into her's like a love sick puppy. “can I ask you something?” he asked.

“Sure” part of her thought he'd ask about the hearing-aid, it's always the first thing people notice about her. But not him, the first thing he noticed was her eyes. But then he asked somthing cought her off guard.

“Do you believe in love at first sight -or should I walk by again?” he grined. She let out a chuckle and looked away as she unexpectedly blushed at the cheesey pick-up line.

“really? You've been spending too much time with Emmett it sounds like” she joked. Before he could awnser Jasper came up with smile but his eyes held fire.

“can I cut in?” He asked. Y/n gave her brother a weird look as Garrett released his hands from her.

“Sure”

“what was that about?” she asked putting her hands on his shoulders. Jasper just shrugged. “What, I can't dance with my sister?”

“you can but, Emmett and you both have been acting weird, so has Eleazar” I said as we danced to a more up-beat song.

She looked passed Jasper's shoulder and saw Garrett talking to Rosalie. He looked up and their eyes met. She immediately looked down when he flashed her a smirk.

The smiles, the pick up lines, it didn't go no where the rest of the night. It's not like he had the chance, her brothers and best friend wouldn't leave her side. It didn't go anywhere passed a dance, or so she thought.

After Bella and Edward left for their honeymoon people dispersed throughout the next two days. But one didn't leave, Garrett hit on her every chance he got and she didn't know why. She was sure it was just in his nature to do so, but it was annoying.

She always felt a little insecure about her hearing aid, she never thought a guy would find it attractive. She got over it thought and she wasn't ashamed of who she was, but then Garrett shows up and she starts to question everything.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

It was night three and Garrett still. Hadn't left, he used the excuse that he wanted to catch up with Emmett. He wasn't catching up with Emmett.

That night she sat on the roof of the house trying to get some peace and quiet, but she wouldn't be alone for long.

“Any chance you have an extra heart? Mine’s been stolen” Garrett smirked as he jumped on the roof and sat next to her.

“Garrett” she said simply.

“Yes?” he smiled.

“shut up” she smiled softly and shook her head.

He chuckled, she looked at him and she couldn't held but laugh with him. They talked into the night, important and useless stuff on both ends.

“can I ask you something?” he asked”

She nodded. “how did you get thing on your ear?”

She recoiled and moved her hair over it without relizing it. He grabed her hand gently stopping her. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you”

She shrugged. “I've had it as long as I could remember... I was one of Carlisle's patience before he took me in”

“I know thst look” he started as he read her body language. He could be all jokes but over the centuries he learned how to read people.

“I didn't realize it when we first met ya know? I noticed your eyes” he said. She looked into his red ones and saw nothing but the truth. Being around Edward for some long she learned how to read people too, just the human way.

“I think your beautiful” he admitted. She looked at him shocked at his boldness, but then she couldn't deny the connection between them. Without out thinking he leaned down and connected her lips to his could ones. He froze for a second, not expecting it but his brain quickly rewired and he pulled her closer.

~~~~~~~~(1st pov, present time)~~~~~~~~

The whole family was in shock when Renesmee was born, the little miracle quickly terned into a curse when Irina outed us to the vulturi.

We gathered many witness, even some of Garrett's old war buddies. The house was full of red eyes and being human thst wasn't so great. Garrett knew that too which is why he wouldn't leave my side for too long, and if he did Eleazar or carlisle would be with me, watching me like a couple of body guards. As much as he loved being around my brothers I think those two are the only ones he really trusted.

He especially didn't trust Vladimir, not because he thought he would drink me, but beacuse he saw the way Vladimir would look at me and flirt with me. He was nice and I was too head over heals about Garrett to realize the flirting.

After Garrett told me his concerns I started to notice Vladimir's flirting... Then it started to get annoying. Tody was one of those days.

Vladimir smirked and continued to flirt, you could tell it was getting on Garrett's last nerve. Vladimir then tunred to carlisle. “carlisle, do those little hand movements you and Garrett always do, she can't hear me”

I snorted “I'm not ignoring you, my hearing aid just doesn't like you” I said not taking my eyes off my book. “and it's sign language you Dracula want to be”

Garrett smirked as I snapped my book closed and left the living room. “that's my girl” he smirked and followed after me.

We got threw the week though and the kid was safe and so was the family. The witness said their good byes thought out the week and left for home. The Denalis were the last to stay, which was nice to just morn the death of Irina.

Sigh...

I don't know how it happened really, one second I was saying goodbye to my knew friend Benjamin and then the next I'm lying in the woods covered in my own blood... I couldn't hear a thing either.

~~~~~~~~(Garrett's pov)~~~~~~~~

I looked around the house feeling uneasy. Y/n hadn't been back yet and that was unsal for her.

“have you guys seen y/n?” I asked coming into the living room. The family looked up confused.

“somethings wrong” I mumbled. Some of them shrugged and said she usually disappears after a 'family emergency'

“maybe she got tired of you and left for Egypt with Benjamin” Emmett joked. I knew it was a joke but I was to nervous to think of a usual comeback.

Everyone chuckled but Eleazar looked at me just as worried. “your right... Somthings not right”

Alice dropped something and gasped. She looked panicked, I feared the worst. “it's y/n”

I didn't think twice and was out of the house in seconds with Carlisle and Eleazar behind me. We raced around the woods frantically. The deeper we got the stronger the smell of her blood was, I gasped feeling sick at how strong it was.

I stoped and saw her hearing aid. “over here!” I shouted. Eleazar was at the scene first. I jumped back aginst a tree at the sight of her... Blood never looked so sickening.

“Garrett she needs you right now” Eleazar said as his hands socked up the blood as he checked her womds

“I can't do it” I gasped. “changer her! Please before she dies”

I closed my eyes as Eleazar bit into her. I would be sobbing like a baby if I was human.

~~~~~~~~(1st pov)~~~~~~~~

When I opened my eyes everything seemed so clear. I could see the tiniest cracks in the wall and every single dust partical.

I heared birds chirping. I was so loud it was like the bird was on my shoulder yelling in my ear.

Wait..

I reached up and I didn't feel my hearing aid. I immediately sat up and looked around. My eyes stopped on Garrett. He looked so relived.

“are you okay?” he asked frantically. My eyes widened at how clear his voice sound, I could always sort of hear him but to hear him clear as day made me want to cry.

“say something eles” I said ignoring the question. He looked at me with a questioning look. “What?”

“say something! I can hear!” Garrett shot up immediately with suprise. “oh shit!”

He looked around with the biggest smile. “oh my god! I love you! This is great” he picked me up and spung me around.

“I love the sound of your voice” I chuckled. He pressed his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. “I love you” he said.

“love you too”

[chenfordsbby]

"The Good, The Bad and The Ugly"

Season 1 Episode 3: “The Good, The Bad And The Ugly”

“After Nolan and Talia lose control of a crime scene, they begin to debate whether people are fundamentally good or bad; Lucy worries Tim is enabling his wife’s destructive behavior and not taking care of himself".

Original Air Date: October 30, 2018

Directed By: Greg Beeman

Written By: Liz Alper & Ally Seibert

Might as well jump into it, shall we?!

I really love how much action that this show has in it and throughout the episode as well.  I mean if you are going to have a show about being a cop, might as well make it as realist as possible. Calls like the ones that Talia and John were on is what real life officers respond to on a daily basis.  I haven’t watched many cop shows, but the ones that I have watched, this one is by far the most realistic portrayal of the police force!  As much action as this show has, it also has a sense of calmness as well (if that is the right word for it!) Hence the ending scene of our favorite trio on the beach.  

I really like the healthy balance of the work vs personal life of the main characters.  We see who they are while they are in uniform and on duty but let us get to know who they are and how they act when they do take their work belt and badge off.  We are getting to see more of that as each episode airs.

It’s good to see Tim in a uniform again, and I think everyone in the station feels the same way!!  As of this episode, we really don’t know what happened in Tim’s life that made him want to be a cop, but  he really was born to be one.  His looks, attitude, demeanor, it all screams “cop”, but in the best way.  I want to know so so much more about Tim’s life and what happened that made him choose this career path.

Who is Wade Grey?! I still don’t know!!! All we have seen of Grey so far is him catching attitude with Nolan. So to see him in a different light, while talking to a fellow cop that he likes and respects makes us start to warm up to him.  In this episode, we learn through his conversations with Tim that he has this whole past life of being in the force that not even some of his officers know about.  As they are learning, so are we and I feel that there is much more to know and like about Wade Grey, I can’t wait to find out!

Tim and Lucy back together and back on the patrol and why not start the day off with a ‘Tim Test’ because that’s what Tim does best and Lucy is quite receptive to the tests yet and especially this one.  Tim knew exactly what he was doing and all Lucy wanted to do was use the bathroom; but because of how brilliant Tim is as a T.O, no matter where you are as an officer, you can never have your guard down.  The ridicule is cut short when Tim receives a mysterious phone call.  We don’t know from him but it jolts him.  His demeanor instantly shifts, and not for the better.

Tim and Lucy end up in the hospital, as we find out it’s because of Isabel.  Tim becomes a shell of himself when it comes to Isabel.  This is the second time we see her on our screens and the effect that she has on Tim is palpable.  His voice cracks, the tears start to well up in his eyes, he is desperate and pleading.  His wife is in front of him yet she might as well be 10,000 miles away because she isn’t really “his wife” anymore at this point, is she.  

All that Tim has wanted for the past year is to find her and he finally did, but is it enough? Its obvious that she didn’t want to be found so how is Tim feeling about that?  His frustration is growing by the second hence his fist through the wall.  

I think Lucy is justified in her anger towards Tim and in the situations that he has been putting her in this episode/day.  Tim is spiraling, hard and fast.  He is beyond frustrated with his current situation with Isabel and is taking it out and train it too far with the biker gang that they respond too.  Lucy is left helpless to just watch Tim beat these guys while simultaneously getting beaten himself.  This is not the T.O that she originally had and her hands are tied until Lucy offers to help Isabel instead of Tim because she knows it’s the best thing that she can do for him in that moment. Tim has been having an inner crisis this entire episode and Lucy sees it.  Tim wants his wife back.

Lucy went into the apartment for Tim to help Isabel but in hindsight, is Isabel the one that helped Lucy?  Isabel starts to give Lucy a small bit of history between Tim and herself and their relationship.  This new info is just the beginning for the friendship that is to come between Tim and Lucy; but it also makes Lucy start to see Tim in a different light…maybe as an actual person and not just her hardass T.O.

The silence in the car between them is deafening.  This is the first time that we see Tim opening up to Lucy about his personal life and Lucy is very receptive to it as well. There is so much that is wanted to be said when Lucy gets back in the car yet what really is there to say except for the fact that maybe Lucy is exactly the person that Tim needed to enter his life in this exact moment for Tim to start becoming himself again.  Tim is genuinely thankful for Lucy and in what she just did for him.

If Talia was good for one thing this season it was spitting the facts regarding being a cop. Out of the three T.O, I believe Talia has been the most insightful regarding the actual teachings of an officer.  A patrol police officer is more than just patrolling, it is about reading people and situations, the protocols and the black & white of the job.  I like the way she teaches all of that to Nolan.  We see it lacking in the teachings of Tim and Angela, that’s okay because it will all eventually come full circle.  Nolan is trying to see the good in everyone whereas Talia knows better.  Yes she’s human and feels for people, but at the end of the day she’s there to do the job.  Nolan is still very green to being an officer. This is the very first time he’s being held by gunpoint by a criminal.  His first instinct is to talk her down and it works because Talia catches her off guard and tases her.  John has tried to see the good in every single person in this episode whereas Talia sees the bad in them.  

As of this episode, we still aren’t getting a lot from Jackson and Angela; which is fine because I know their moments are coming.  We have insight into Lucy and John but not so much from Jackson yet.  The Angela and Jackson scenes almost feel as if they are scene fillers and an afterthought.  I want to know more about the both of them, give me something! I just don’t feel like anything I have to say about them right now is good enough for me to do a deep dive about it.  I just feel like the conversations were very fluff filled and nothing very deep and personal.

The roll call scenes throughout these first few episodes and in this one are cool to see.  It makes you wonder if this is what actually happens in the beginning of the work day and through it as well in a real life precinct.  It’s a nice way of having everyone in the same room at the same time, while also still showing the individual storylines happening as well for all of our favorite characters!  

__________________________________________________________

Honorable Mention: Lucy’s Work Belt

Episode Peak: Isabel.

Episode Pit: Still Nolan’s hair.  I am sorry, I can’t stand his S1 hair!

Quote of the Episode:  “See, your problem is that you think that people are inherently good, but you're wrong. People are good when it's easy. When push comes to shove, everyone crosses the line” ~ Talia Bishop

Episode Rating: 8/10.  This episode started to show the cracks in Tim’s personal life, which is exactly what we all needed to see.  The lack of Angela and Jackson is getting to me, I really want to know more about both of them in their personal and professional lives.

______________________________________________________________

I hope you guys are enjoying reading this just as much as I am enjoying watching and blogging about it!  Again, I really want to know and hear your thoughts and opinions on not only my post but about the episode as well! I truly love interacting with all of you guys!!  Thank you again for everyone for continuing to read all of my posts! You don't have to but yet you are still here!

Until Next Time on “Get in the Shop” …

[thecactifindahome]

Yeah, I'm in the middle of the books and I've already decided to read them again because some details can go unnoticed. And there are so many characters, stories, different historical periods, countries etc that you kind of need to study them like a bible. No wonder Sam Reid seems to read a little bit of them on a daily basis. TVC bible studies. 🤣😅 But I admit I compartmentalize and ignore some stuff on purpose because they're way too uncomfortable to me (some TTOTBT parts, for example, even if I find it a good book). Just my personal approach to it. Oh, I'm glad you love Armand too. 💗 Do you watch the show? Is he your favorite there too? Book Armand is my baby, but on the show everyone is at the top of their game that my love is equal. But Assad has this really creep thing where he is 100% my Armand. Most times people are 85%, 90% how I envision those characters, but he is totally my Armand. The face, expressions, body language, eyes, voice, walk... I've never seen someone match a character so well that I wouldn't change even the tiniest thing. It's like he was born out of my thoughts. 🤯 Still, in terms of adoration and rooting for, their show counterparts are on the same level for me.

Sorry for the late response! Tumblr is erratic about showing me my inbox on mobile, and I tend to just leave it to the queue on weekends/days off.

Yeah, I think it's fine to engage with the aspects of the series you enjoy and box up the others - god knows I'm more familiar with tva than anything that happens in totbt, lol. My little guy isn't even in it 🥺

Oh, showmand, showmand...he's my favorite both because he's Armand and because his portrayal in the show and reception by the fandom have produced a powerful protective instinct in me. Showmand comes across to me as a completely destroyed person in a way bookmand isn't - can you imagine showmand breaking down Marius' door with an axe? Can you imagine bookmand letting Louis break a wall with him? Or tolerating that level of disrespect from the theater coven? I can't, at all - showmand reads to me like a version of Armand who was broken by spending 10+ years with the show's version of Marius actively pimping him out that whole time. He's lost the pride and energy that kept bookmand hoping for something better out of life, and I hope he gets it back somehow. I love him dearly and it genuinely hurts my feelings to see bad things happen to what's left of him. I hope he gets to yank someone's scalp off next season, I sincerely think it would help him feel better.

I love Zaman's portrayal though! I honestly think he understands the character a lot better than some people involved in the show* do, it's evident in his acting and things he's said. S2E5 in particular demonstrates that he can bring the monstrous insect energy, and the confident menace that's just as important as the vulnerability also shows up whenever the script allows it. But good lord, that script was an anchor around his neck at times.

*Rolin Jones, I am talking about Rolin Jones right now. It's becoming increasingly apparent that his interest wanes the further away any aspect of the story gets from ☆♡☆|oustat☆♡☆ and if the other writers/Sam Reid don't rein him in soon I think he'll poison the show with it.

[no-guns-at-the-dinner-table]

Hi! I absolutely love the MPU and also Ao3 so your account is perfect for me lol. I don’t really know how to do this because I don’t use tumbler a lot but I’d like to request a fanfic. After Into The Dark I left being happy for Bj and Parks but deep down in my heart I’m still a Julian girlie. I’d love to see some kind of fic about Parks and Jules taking place potentially at the house in lake como after he punches the wall from jealousy and she takes care of him. I thought that was a sweet moment that they never elaborated on. I also loved Daisy and Magnolia’s friendship as well and they ment so much to me 😭. Really anything with those two but maybe something at Parks wedding in Bali. You also mentioned that you prefer the daisy books over the parks books (which is totally understandable) so if these aren’t your cup of tea, it’s all good.

i will definitely write magnolia/julian at some point because magnolia looking after him was so cute 😭

for now here’s some daisy & magnolia :)

read on ao3 here!!

oneshot

words: 519

rating: general audiences

relationship: magnolia parks & daisy haites

comments, kudos & reblogs are always appreciated :)

Magnolia

At my and BJ’s wedding, I don’t see much of Daisy until the reception.

I know she’s here, she arrived with Marsaili yesterday.

I saw her as she was checking in and said hello. She seemed a bit off, kind of worried? I don’t know, but I mean to find out. She looked really tired though, and she was rubbing her fingers together so hard it probably hurt.

And she’s definitely been avoiding Christian, and therefore me and everyone else in our group by association.

Then last night she said she wasn’t feeling well and stayed in her room all evening, missing our rehearsal dinner. I didn’t mind too much, but it did leave the seating arrangements looking a tiny bit awkward.

Anyway, at the reception she’s stood in a corner by herself taking small sips of champagne. She looks beautiful as per usual, in a pale blue maxi dress I don’t recognise, maybe it’s custom made? With the Azia 95 strappy high heel sandals from Jimmy Choo, Valentino Garavani rockstud ivory leather clutch and—

“Your hair!” I yell and she practically jumps 6 feet into the air.

“What?” She frowns.

“It’s curly!”

“Yeah, this is what it’s like naturally.”

“Why don’t you style it like this all the time? It looks gorgeous!” 

Gorgeous is probably an understatement. She’s got these lush, soft curls that fall to her collar bone. They make her look a bit like a princess.

“People don't take me seriously when I look like this.” She shrugs like it's simple.

“Oh. Well.” I stutter.

“The ceremony was lovely.” She says. “Both of your vows were too.”

“Thank you,” I smile. “The receptions going to be great too, we’ve booked out the whole hotel—”

“I’ve got to go actually.” She says quickly.

I blink a lot.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. To say thank you for inviting me with, um, everything.”

“You’re my friend Daisy. Of course you’d be invited.”

I go to reach for her hand but she’s holding them away. Is she shaking? I glance around inconspicuously looking for Christian, but I can’t see him.

“Yeah,” She says, and I can’t decipher her expression. “But I’ve got a thing for school J need to be back in London for. Our plane’s taking me back in a few hours.”

I’m not sure if she’s lying for not. I’ve never really been able to read her, she keeps her emotions hidden behind ten mile thick concrete walls. I know she never used to like me, but I thought we had become friends. I’d consider her one of my closest. And sure, things have been weird between her and Christian, but not weird enough for her to be making excuses to leave early.

“It’s okay,” I say with a wave of my hand I hope makes me seem casual. “I know this was all last minute. I appreciate you coming.”

“I left your present over there,” she points at a long white table with a lace tablecloth draped over it. “Have an amazing evening.”

Then she walks away without a backward glance.

[chiaraswritings]

Anxiety

Disclaimer: I do not own DC or their characters, or their settings. This is certainly not canon.

Warnings & Topics: Social anxiety disorder. 18+, if you please.

Word Count: 1.7K words

Summary: fem!Reader is struggling with social anxiety while attending Bruce Wayne's birthday party, but then she meets a woman named Barbara who helps her escape. Very happy ending. Just fluff & stuff.

Author's note: Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you enjoy.

How the hell did I end up here, I asked myself. 

I pressed my back to the mahogany wall as colors and watched the pastel colors swirl past me. I should have never come to this event, this celebration. I'm not even sure how I got invited to this. I had barely ever crossed paths with Bruce Wayne. Sure, I'd edited news stories covering his spotlight before sending them off to be published on the internet, but I could never bring myself to meet with him face to face. I'd talked with him over the phone, fact checking a wild take that a journalist had submitted, but in the two minutes and five seconds that we had chatted, he had obviously decided I was suitable to be invited to his birthday reception. 

That's what I absolutely love about my job. I can sit in a dark office all day, I don't have to see anyone face to face, all submissions and communications are sent via email. I'm trying to make arrangements to work from home, so the stress of being so close to the other offices won't be on my mind. My job only requires a computer and phone, after all. 

My boss was overjoyed when he heard I had been invited to the big event. Any more excitement, and he would have started a fire with how fast words were spilling out of his mouth. His thrill, however, did not match my own by a long shot. I thought back to when I was sitting in my comfy, swiveling office chair, staring up at the balding, sprightly man who was positively demanding I accept the invitation and attend the event. I don't think I even verbally responded to him at the time. My plagued mind overtook my body, and still had ahold of it even then as I tried to blend into Bruce Wayne's wall.

Social anxiety disorder, my constant companion. My nemesis, my excuse, my greatest hurdle. The only reason I stood there in my old prom dress is because my boss has been on such edge lately, and like my coworkers, I wasn't ready to risk the consequences of saying no to him right then. My anxiety was to blame for that too, coincidentally enough. 

As the sea of long dresses and black suits moved past, I tried my hardest to remember my therapist's favorite phrases. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your surroundings. How is your body reacting to this situation? I could answer the last question easily enough. My heart was beating out of my chest, my stomach was churning, sweat was appearing on my trembling hands. Fear was wrapped around my throat, my breathing labored. An older gentleman in a very nice suit gave me a concerned look before his glamorous college-student wife pulled him towards the dance floor. Yes, please go, stop looking at me. I wonder how many people are looking at me right now. 

Be aware of your surroundings. I tried, I really tried. I tried to take in the luxury of the room. The velvet curtains, the gold trim, the expensive art, the... was that a tapestry? Be aware of your body. I attempted to become aware of my physical senses. Deep breaths, eyes closed, trying to relax my tense muscles. 

"Ma'am, are you alright?" 

My eyes flew open. A young waiter with a tray was quizzically observing me from a couple feet away.

I can't do this anymore. "Yes! Yes, yes, I'm alright." Fight or flight mode had been activated. Not bothering to thank him, I slipped past the waiter and made a not-so-graceful getaway to the hall. Lush ivy and large chairs decorated the long room, along with a huge mirror that I planted myself in front of, my entire brain trying to retake control. But no, the sickening, uninvited fear had ahold of my entire body.

Looking up into the mirror, I was not exactly pleased by what I saw. My eyes were full of adrenaline and my mascara was running slightly. My dress was wrinkled by where I clutched it at the hip. My hair was the only thing that didn't look frazzled (thanks to an hour of straightening before I had left for the party). Using the tip of my finger, I tried to clean up the mascara around my eyes.

"Did you get bored too?" 

My finger nearly went into my eye, startled by the unexpected and unwelcome voice. I wanted to run like a deer being threatened by a panther. I turned nervously to the owner of the voice, and my fear alleviated if only for a moment by the spectacularism of the person I saw. A red haired young woman in a black velvet dress had approached me, a single party-goer from the roar of festivities behind her. I could see the door swinging closed from when she had entered. My anxiety lurched and I could feel liquid coming up in my throat. A hard swallow later, and I assumed my most casual pose. "You could say that."

The redhaired woman turned, pulled her lipstick from her clutch, and repainted her red lips in the mirror. "I'm not even sure why I'm here, my father is the one who actually knows Mr. Wayne."

"I don't know him at all. Bruce, I mean. Not your father." Oh, that sounded so rude. "Sorry... about that." 

She turned back around and gave me a shiny smile. "Are you okay?" 

Hell no, I'm not okay. "Yes, of course." My hands were still trembling and my cheeks were flushed. Breathing hurt. The radiant woman in front of me could obviously see through the lie. Her head cocked, her beautiful, wavy red hair swayed. 

"You don't seem okay," her concern was evident, but I wasn't in the mood for people being concerned and trying to make me talk about it.

"I'm okay, I just haven't eaten today. So... I should probably go do that," that wasn't even a lie. I had only had coffee today so I wouldn't throw up from nervousness tonight. 

"What's your name?" asked the woman who was freshening her eyeliner in the mirror. 

"(Y/N) (L/N)."

"I'm Barbara Gordon. It's good to meet you. And funny enough, I'm hungry too," the stranger straightened and shook my still shaking hand. "Want to go get something? I can't fill up on shrimp and caviar." 

"Neither can I, seafood isn't my favorite." I was shocked at my own boldness. My fear had released its painful grip slightly, but it was far from gone.

"Me neither. I could go for Chinese," Barbara smiled at me. "Want to join? My treat." 

Now this was an unexpected decision. She seems nice enough... I want to so badly. It'd definitely be a way out of here, and with a nice person. But what if she's not nice? What if she's not who she seems? What if I mess up in front of her? What if she invites more people? "I'm not sure..."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm chill, I need a way out of this place too. I mostly came for my dad, he loves Bruce. I'm just... not in the right place to party like this." 

How about this, my brain bargained with itself. If it turns out bad, we never have to see her again. If it goes good, then we... still never have to see her again. "What the heck. Got a place in mind?"

"Of course, come on! I can't think of a better time than two well dressed girls getting the best Chinese in town. We can take my dad's car." 

My hands had slowly stopped trembling. I think it's going to be okay.

...

My escape with Barbara was a needed lifesaver. She made the car ride pleasant, complimenting my dress, asking me about my job, commenting on my hair. I think she sensed that I wasn't as comfortable talking about myself, so she told me about her own life. She was a college student, she was multilingual, she lived with her dad at the moment, but was looking into getting her own place. Listening to her talk was relaxing, knowing I didn't have to talk about myself, no risks of stumbling over my words like I did earlier. 

We arrived at what looked to be a family-owned place, it wasn't a chain restaurant, which I sort of admired Barbara for. The best Chinese food came from small restaurants, and she seemed to acknowledge that. The woman assured me she knew exactly what I would like, telling me she'd order then come join me. 

I slid into one of the empty booths. Actually, all of them were empty. Too late at night for most people to get takeout, but Barbara and I were evidently not the same as those people. She joined me at the table with trays that smelled much tastier than the takeout Chinese that my boss had delivered at the office every day for lunch. "This looks amazing, thank you so much."

"No, thank you for coming with. It's nice that I found a friend to do this with." Barbara smiled before picking up one of the cartons.

Friend. The word felt so new. "It's been a really long time since I've had a friend." Anxiety brewed and steamed in my throat, but I forgot all about it when she slid her phone across the table to me, a new contact form ready to fill out on the screen.

"Well, now you have one," the redhaired woman said with a smile, before taking another bite of the food. 

...

That was four years ago to this day. It's Bruce Wayne's birthday again, but neither of us are on the guest list. That's perfectly okay, we have our own party going on for us. Empty Chinese takeout cartons lay on the coffee table, an actress on the television screen dramatically screams in fear, and I am laying on Barbara's chest, my finger becoming accustomed to the new diamond ring.

I look up at her, admiring how her fiery hair glows in the pale light of the television screen. Anxiety? Hah, not around Barbara, not anymore. Finally finding a person I can experience only joy around... that feels good. Her hand rests on my head, holding me close. Her eyes are focused on the television, but by her smile, I know her mind is somewhere else. She notices I'm no longer interested in the film, turns off the TV, and smiles down at me. Butterflies, not anxiety, fill my stomach. 

"Did you get bored too?"

"You could say that."

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

his new songs are totally not my taste but damn, I just really love Jungkook so much! and I know he’s in his I-want-to-look-tough-and-mature area and sure he is but he’s just way too cute, sorry JK, you’re a cutie!

I wonder what Muggles think when they look at Jungkook? Do they see him as a "fuck boy", as a sexy and legitimate pop star, or as an typical bg member (ie. not a "serious artist", pandering to his "crazy" female audience)? Does this new image come across as somewhat immature and fake to them, the way it does for many of us Army who know him? Jungkook is handsome and sexy, but he is still very baby faced. In Seven, in particular, he looks babier than in 3D, but in either MV, some of the cliché expressions of masculinity, as well as the lyrics, come off as juvenile rather than mature. I've been thinking about this recently, but I wonder if Jungkook realizes he's not quite achieving his goal when it comes to his image shift - in regards to Army at least? Like, his candid talks to us, the videos of him smoking, the vaper, drinking in lives, etc. are, in fact, allowing fans to seem him in a new light, as an adult who is also a mature person, but his songs and the lyrics do almost the opposite. They're a bit fanservice-y and clearly feed into fans' Y/N fantasies. Openly sexualizing Jungkook has become a thing and some fans are deliriously happy with being able to do so. He's become an even bigger fantasy now, but that feeling of possessiveness hasn't lessened, because he's their fantasy and not a 3D human being in many ways. Fans defend that he's an adult, but almost none of the reactions I see, from both the fans who love and the ones who hate his new image, shows me that they're now in a position where Jungkook discussing a past or present relationship, for example, wouldn't make people lose their shit. His past actions and words have desinsetized us to a lot of stuff that would've been more "controversial" in the past, but singing about fucking in Seven and 3D has not been the reason why - fans would still lose their shit if he actually talked about his sex life irl, and most people would either feel jealous, scandalized, or get off on it, which are all less than ideal reactions. Jungkook explaining his desire to been seen in a different way through Seven, explaining that the Seven Explicit Version was honest, not dirty (it was neither, but I get his point), and explaining that he understands the mixed reception and that not everyone would be happy, was mature, but Seven (and 3D) itself was not.

I feel that Jungkook is backing himself into a wall here. He was never just the maknae. He's always been both babied and sexualized, and also taken seriously as an artist. At this point, he's slightly less babied and infinitely more sexualized, but also probably taken less seriously as an artist and more as an object of desire to some Armys. I truly don't know if the fandom now is better or worse.

But yeah, sorry for the digression, he's still a cutie to me to!. He'll never be a tough bad boy because I know him and respect him. He's not a stereotype, he's a real person, and he's sweet and gentle, even if he's spontaneous, sexy and cheeky like a "bad boy" too.

Thanks for the ask!

[possessionisamyth]

If you don't mind, could you elaborate on how Ada is inconsistent?

It's less about how she's inconsistent, and more about how various writers treat her role in the overall narrative of the series. For a non existent attempt at brevity, I will not be talking about how she's handled in the remakes or any of the alternate raccoon city focused games. 1998 RE2 only!

So in the original RE2, Ada is a woman who's looking for her boyfriend who is a researcher at Umbrella. She was actually dating the man to get information on/a sample of the G-Virus, and whether or not her concern was sincere for this man is debatable as she plays it up. It's a useful truth that functions as a genuine cover story. After finding out the dude's dead, she seduces Leon so he'll follow her around like a lost puppy. (He's super whiny puppy but that was entertaining to watch). Plus when she doesn't shoot to kill to get the G-Virus sample from Leon, it turns out her affection for him is real. Whether this is her working from the rebound after figuring out her current boyfriend is dead is also debatable. I can only speculate that she might have been. Ada isn't heartless. Fake dating someone for months meant there had to be some chemistry as she could've picked literally any umbrella scientist to date to get to the same result. When we look at the epilogue scene from RE3, we see she is changed by her experience.

She's not the same woman anymore. Or at least she doesn't think she is. She wasn't so much a femme fatale in the first RE2 as much as she was a mercenary/spy playing her cards right until the smoke cleared.

And then we get Resident Evil 4.

In RE4, they hammer that femme fatale persona in HARD. She's sexy. She's teasing. She's always in the right place at the right time. She doesn't get hurt and comes out on top. Ashley's existence delays the damsel role she would be tossed in so Leon can save her, but doesn't prevent it. The time she spent between 1998 and 2004 was her building this persona to put emotional walls and distance up so she can better do her job. Hell, due to the great reception the game got, this version of Ada is who gets left in the hands of every future writer who has/wants to handle her. Yet, Leon being there in RE4 puts a few splinters in this persona. Wesker's kill order for Leon absolutely cracks it. Leon may be experiencing his own personal hell, but so! is! Ada! Wong! She doesn't have to do shit. She doesn't have to save Leon. She doesn't have to kill him. She can honestly just do her job and get out, but she hasn't changed. She's just gotten really fucking good at lying to herself. So we once again see her putting everything on the line for Leon, and risking her own neck so he can get out. And this is great! And you want to see more.

And then we get RE:Damnation.

Why was she there? Look. Look at me. I love Ada. She's my wife. Why was she in the Eastern Slav Republic pretending to work for the BSAA? Oh, to collect a sample of las plagas! Wait. Wasn't she in the village where there was a fuck ton of them before this event? Why wouldn't Wesker have that already? Oh no, she needs the special plagas that let's people control lickers for a limited period of time before the parasite develops and the host become one of those twisty head zombies. Ah. A failed plagas then? She wants a failed plagas? Well, she would've had a much easier time just stealing that from the rebellion. It then would've made her running into Leon a more natural outcome. They started that movie putting Ashley in the proverbial trunk to eliminate that romantic venue and brought in Ada to go "hey! remember! leon likes her! nobody else! we promise!". They're not risking anything for each other. Ada isn't doing what she has been doing the last two stories, and it's off. The femme fatale stuff is happening, but you can cut her out and lose nothing from the movie other than a cat fight. You can't do the same thing in RE4. You can't do the same thing in RE2!

And then we get Resident Evil 6.

I enjoyed watching the Ada storyline in the game despite all the strange mechanic choices they made with the game's play style. Up until this point in the games, her and Leon keep risking their lives and/or job credibility for each other. That's what they do regardless if people view their relationship as platonic or romantic.

This game with Ada's story was a great opportunity to show how she's also wearing a mask she's built up over the years. The one that gets cracked in RE4 with Leon's mere appearance and a genuine concern for his safety. The thing is in RE6, she's kind of all over the place. We first see her doppleganger not knowing it's a different woman, and every fan is up in arms about how reasonably OOC the act is. And they're right. Next we see the real Ada, and she seems just as natural as she was in RE4. We just assume it's an outfit change until she starts investigating. Then she goes from mercenary/spy to playing superhero.

The one thing I like about the resident evil games, is that when 2 characters are supposed to be on equal ground, they'll often save each other the same amount of times. They meet in the middle, and there's something sweet about it. In RE6, Ada is constantly covering Leon's ass the closer we get to the end. Leon gets to save her with that final Simmon's confrontation. We are not counting Leon protecting fake Ada from Chris because it wasn't her. RE6 was trying so hard to make the real Ada likable by having her go out of her way to do good for everyone as a sharp contrast to doppleganger Ada's actions. However, they lost some of what makes Ada so complex with these narrative decisions.

It's nice we get to see her hurt and anger by taking out doppleganger Ada's final experiment before it hatches, but that's the end of the game! We don't get a little epilogue scene of what she's doing or how she feels like everyone else gets! They say "oh yeah, she's fine, she has more work now. Nothing's changed." When we get to see the result of hurt like we did in RE2, or the knowledge she'll gladly disobey orders for her own peace of mind in RE4.

This was a lot of words to say RE2 and RE4 remember Ada's more than just a femme fatale, whilst later appearances in the series forget this.

The remakes for now don't do that. In the remakes, we know from the get go she's looking out for herself first, and other people come second. Leon ranks a little higher on this list than everyone else, and I'm very eager to see the depiction expanded on if we get a remake Separate Ways DLC.

EDIT: Oop, just realized she was constantly covering Leon's ass in RE4 too based on the OG separate ways. Ignore that one segment, but the rest still stands!

[jay-avian]

Writing Share Tag

Thank you @rickie-the-storyteller for tagging me here!

This is another short story I wrote for my fiction class, but waited to post until after I edited it. I'd love to get any sort of feedback or suggestions if you have any!

I'm going to tag people above the cut just in case people don't want to read the long post just yet: @fleurtygurl @sleepyowlwrites @willtheweaver @theeccentricraven @lyra-brie and whoever else wants to share their amazing works!

Title: The Black Rose Project (genre: sci-fi horror) (content warning: kidnapping, experimentation [nothing is explicitly mentioned as far as what happens during the processes])

“The Latest in Bioengineering: Aether Lab Revives the Ecosystem”

“In the fast-paced, technology-oriented world we live in today, animal species have been dwindling at a much quicker pace than first estimated. Many species are unable to adapt, leading to their eventual extinction. And when certain species fade out, balance is shifted across the ecosystems. The lack of predators has led to a massive uptick in wild prey numbers…

“Dr. Adam O’Donnell and his team have worked for years to not only revive animal species but revitalize them. Known as the “New Eden Project”, the series of experiments works towards giving the species special genetic traits to navigate the changing world. When asked about the thought process behind the experiments, Dr. O’Donnell commented: “If animals are expected to thrive in this new age, they need to be able to stand their ground, to learn and adapt to new challenges and possible threats.” This revelation makes the future of the ecosystems look bright, but time will surely tell...”

It hadn’t been long before New Eden had taken off in popularity. There was talk everywhere about those “crazy sons o’ bitches” down at Aether. They had done the impossible. Well, I suppose the improbable now. But there hasn’t been news from them for a while now. People are starting to become doubtful. The papers have asked me to try and get some updates. The reporter previously taking on this story had passed away in a car crash about a week ago. Poor Nick could never seem to catch a break. I had only really talked with him in the office, but he was cute. He seemed really passionate about this story too. He would talk with me about the project and all his theories about what they were going to do next.

The project started with just modifying the embryos. Those turned out pretty much fine. The problem is something else. There’s been news and rumors about how they’ve started trying to speed up the process by essentially 3-D printing their monsters. Theoretically, it should work. Technically, it does. They use the same technology that duplicates cells, tissues, and whatnot, but on a much larger scale. After that, give the “corpse” a jumpstart and you’re good to go. But there’s more to it than that. No one can seem to predict how these beasts will act. Empty shells breathing but barely moving. Without any parents or previous experience to guide them, they’re like lost… Well, I hesitate to say souls. You can’t manufacture those. Their brains don’t function like they’re supposed to. Quite frankly, I’m scared to see how they’ll end up fixing this problem.

It’s a Sunday morning when I decide to go. There won’t be many people there, though I don’t think these scientists are exactly a religious bunch. I drive up to the lab and survey the parking lot. There are only five cars besides mine, not including the couple of trucks that belong to the lab itself. The lab isn’t that big overall, only being three stories tall. Its walls are mostly concrete with a few large windows into the first floor cafeteria and the top floors’ offices. I take Nick’s old notebook from the passenger seat and enter through the sliding glass doors into the reception area. The foyer’s floor is an ocean blue, speckled and bright. The desk I walk up to is painted a much lighter blue across the front. The blonde lady sitting at the desk is playing cards with herself.

“Excuse me?” I ask. She looks up at me. She doesn’t look nearly old or stuffy enough to be working here. Probably a student looking for an internship. “Hi, I was wondering if I could take a tour?”

“Sure,” she says. She moves over to her computer. “Could I get your name and who you’re with?”

“My name is Natalie Kostova, and this is just for a class paper. Springfield Tech under Professor Bartram.” My go-to excuse for people who aren’t as willing to talk. Scientists are usually hard to get info out of. Granted, they don’t want others to steal their data, their discoveries, their glory. But vague answers don’t make for an interesting story.

She types at her keyboard. “Okay!” She turns to me, smiling. “You can go ahead and have a seat in the cafeteria. I’ll have someone come up to walk you around.”

I look around and find the big open cafe. The furniture is very modern: plain colors, sleek and curving shapes. A couple of sofas and armchairs are lined near the walls and windows. There’s only one other person sitting at one of the tables eating a sub. I decide to get myself a soda from one of the vending machines before I sit down. While I wait, I flip through Nick’s notes as a refresher. Most of what’s written has been mentioned in the papers already. There’s also a few drawings of some of the experiments. I flip to the next page and there’s another drawing. It’s much more unsettling than the ones before. It’s a bigger dog-looking thing with a toned body. What if? is written and underlined on the next page, followed by bullet points. Super mutants. Guard dogs. War? Just because?

People next?

I hear footsteps in the distance. I slam the notebook shut and look up to find Dr. O’Donnell himself. “Good morning, Ms. Kostova,” he says as he walks up. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I was in the middle of something that needed attention.”

I stand to meet him. “No worries. I understand how important it is to finish something you start. Can’t leave something half done.”

He laughs. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, what’s this about a class paper?”

I straighten up and put on a smile. “Ah, I uh, just wanted to learn more about bioengineering and all of the possibilities.”

“Very well. Let’s get you familiar then, shall we?”

I follow him to the elevator. After we both enter, he presses the button for B1. Turns out, there are five floors in total: the three upper levels I saw, and two lower ones. The door closes and we start going down.

“Why the need for basement floors?” I ask.

“The bottom two floors are where we do most of our bigger projects. The upper floors are mainly offices and smaller labs.”

That seems fair enough, though I hope I’ll still be able to get a signal from down here.

The elevator doors open. Dr. O’Donnell starts walking ahead. We walk down a hall lined with doors and large windows. The first few rooms are filled with large machines. One of the bigger ones looks like a massive 3D-printer. One of the rooms has an MRI scanner and a heart monitor machine. He explains to me the basics of genetic modification. I take down what notes I can just in case. We head towards a set of glass doors that lead back outside. Out here are pathways that lead to enclosures set up almost like a zoo. We walk along and he showcases many of the animals kept here. Many of the predatory animals here seem to have bigger ears and paws, while some seem to be more “streamlined” in their looks. Dr. O’Donnell talks about their behavior and how finicky the animals can get at times.

“We sometimes bring in control groups,” he continues. “So we can get a gauge for the specimens’ mental progress as well as for further assimilation.” He pauses and looks at me. I try to write some more, thinking that’s what he’s expecting. “That’s a nice notebook you have. Where’d you get it?”

“Hm?” I look up. “I, uh, got it from a friend.”

“I see…” He starts fidgeting, rubbing his fingers together.

There’s no way he doesn’t know. “Yeah, it belonged to a classmate of mine. I forgot my bio notes at home and this is what I had in my car.” I should ask him something quick. “Oh, before I forget, I heard on the news that you guys were trying to make animals from scratch? How has that been working out?”

Dr. O’Donnell perks up. “Ah, well, we still haven’t quite gotten their behavior down yet. Instead, we’ve been trying to modify some of our control group specimens in their adult stages.”

“Oh really?” I ask, trying to look interested. “Do you think I could take a look? That sounds really cool!”

“I’m afraid I can’t quite show you that yet. It’s still in its early experimental stages and well, in all honesty, I don’t feel ready enough to showcase them…” He’s rubbing his hands together now, his eyes looking for his thoughts. “Oh, but you’re so eager. I’d hate for you to leave empty-handed. Why don’t I show you something else?”

Something feels off. I take a step back. I ought to wait to have someone else with me. But who knows when I’m going to get another decent chance to find my answers? Nick’s answers? “...Sure. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

I follow him to the elevator. I walk a bit slower and check my phone; it only has one bar of service. “At Aether right now” I text my supervisor. “Might have something big. Send in cameras” Here’s hoping it sends.

We enter the elevator and he presses the button for B2. “What I am about to show you is another larger project I’ve been working on. I call it the Black Rose Project.”

“Is it similar to New Eden?” I ask.

“In a way, yes. The end goal is somewhat similar…” The doors open, but he doesn’t move. “But before I get into specifics, would you like to take a guess at what the black rose means?”

He stops to turn to me. I look at the doctor. He seems genuinely curious, like a teacher wanting to hear their students’ take on a matter. “Doesn’t… Black usually means death, right? Like you’re mourning for someone?”

“It can have that meaning, yes. But there’s also a second meaning to it.” Dr. O’Donnell walks forward into a large room with branching hallways. It reminds me of a hospital office. “You see, when something dies, it can give way to something new. Old leaves die so new ones may appear, old doors close so new ones may open… the old self dies so it may become like new.”

He swipes his card against a scanner. The door opens. He gestures towards the room. I peek my head in first, then ease my way in. There’s a person lying on a cot in the corner. I feel myself freeze up and my heart start beating faster. They’re wearing a hospital gown, or at least something similar.

“Go on,” O’Donnell says. “It’s harmless.”

“What did you do? Who is that?”

“I would imagine you would recognize that “classmate” of yours.”

“W-what?” I take a look at the body’s face. It looks somewhat familiar: the hair, the nose, the cheekbones– I rush over and grab his too-big shoulders. His body has an extremely toned build; it’s not what he used to look like. “Nick? Nick?!”

“Yes, he’s actually alive, despite what you heard of him last week. I made sure you reporters got a false story… As I’ve said before, building from scratch hasn’t exactly been working thus far. I was hoping I didn’t have to work like this, but at this point, discovery requires some sacrifices to be made.”

I hear the door close behind me. I whip around, rush towards the door, and start trying to force it open. “HEY! Let me out!” The voice is faint from the other side. I stop banging at the door and I still can’t make out what he’s saying. Behind me, there’s some soft shuffling.

“...Natalie?”

“Local Reporter “Missing””

“A few days ago, Natalie Kostova, one of our own reporters, went missing after attempting an interview at Aether Labs. She was last heard from by text message asking for cameramen. When they arrived on scene, they were dismissed immediately. Claims were made that Kostova had left minutes before, as evident by her car being absent in the parking lot. Investigations are currently underway, but so far, attempts to search the labs have been unfruitful…”

[ifishouldvanish]

I don't think it would be OOC, because we do see how comfortable he is with touch around Mizrak very quickly, and I don't think it's a leap to say that he would be comfortable expressing affection toward other people he cares about.

We've sort of talked about this before on the discord and while I don't think he has a soft spot for children in general, I do think he could easily warm up to one who he feels a connection towards (eg., they possess traits he respects, that remind him of himself as a child, or that remind him of his late lover, etc).

Of course, the displays of affection we see with Mizrak are very different in nature than what we could expect to see toward children (romantic/sexual with an ulterior motive vs paternal) so I think in the beginning it might manifest more as like, that "strict parent/mentor for whom nothing is good enough" dynamic, where he wants to push them to be their best (be it academically, physically, socially, etc)—it's the sort of upbringing he would have experienced himself in the Mexica Empire, and so that's what his sort of default approach to children might be.

I think the softness would come through in those moments where the child is reminded that they are safe with him, and that strictness/fussiness is how he expresses care; and in moments where Olrox sees that this child is capable of putting their strengths/potential to use without needing a nudge from him–a sense of safety in knowing that he's "done his job" in Preparing Them For The World, and doesn't need to worry about them as much as he feared. (Oh no, is safety becoming a theme here? 🫣)

When that wall comes down in those moments, Olrox might be more prone to soft/thoughtful gestures, joking around, etc., and this child would feel safe enough around him to be receptive to those gestures (as opposed to them feeling forced, suspect, 'cringe' or otherwise unwelcome)

The softness can also come in moments where Olrox sees them in a position that reminds him of a time where he might have wished for someone to show him some gentleness—or reminds him of the gentleness his late lover once showed to others and wanting to pass that on. Moments where he maybe realizes he's been pushing them too hard.

I think this would be a good source of tension for Olrox as a parent tbh: Olrox falling more naturally into that more strict/colder mentor role, but wanting to embody the kindness and warmth of his late lover—only for the child to reject his attempts to do so because they feel forced/disingenuous. Every time this happens, he's left missing his lover more, his absence that much more palpable.

As this child grows older, they can begin to truly understand how Olrox has been affected by his losses, understand him better, and that only makes them grow closer, and those moments of softness more frequent.

Wiping smudges from their cheeks with his finger feels VERY On Brand though. The Mexica valued cleanliness, and it's a gesture that can start off coming across as disappointment/disdain but grows into plain warmth and affection 🥹

'Spoiling' also feels pretty On Brand in the sense that Olrox can indulge the caring part of himself under the guise of maintaining his own pride/'keeping up appearances'/what have you. Like, "no child of MINE is going out in ratty old clothes/without a full belly/etc" while said child is just buried under a mountain of Stuff like 🧍🏾‍♀️you could just give me a hug and say u love me or s/t

I want to write Olrox as having an adopted daughter...

But is writing cute moments between them...OOC?

I can't really figure it out. I kind of see him as being a very loving and attentive person towards the people he cares for.

The kind of person that almost can never keep their hands off their loved ones when they are near. The type of parent who would fret, pamper, fuss over their child.

The kind of parent who would definitely be one to lick a finger to wipe something off their child's face, no matter their age, much to their dismay and to his utter amusement.

I think with the loss of his lover, this affection and protectiveness exists tenfold; one part "spoiling", but often part "smothering". Being a child of Olrox after his lover had died would be such a change that they would witness. For better or worse.

He's already such a likable and identifiable character that I don't think this will ever appear in the show. But he still seems like a very loyal type of person; and a loyal, attentive man like that showing affection towards a child?

I picture it would be similar to how a stoic man like Alucard acts around children. [And these are kids that would canonically call him "father"]

[basicinstnct]

arrangement / jacob custos

word count: 2967

tags: size kink, love bites, hurt/comfort, angst, morning wood (more accurately nap wood), referenced masturbation, pining, insecurity, creampies, slight breeding kink, transfer of affection (sorta), savior complex

a/n: personally, i found this guy pretty endearing, especially if you look at his insecurities which are more apparent in some routes than they are in others. i know that isn't exactly a popular opinion (it's certainly a bit frustrating that the writers set him up by making him largely "responsible" for the events to follow), but hopefully there are enough like-minded people to give this some attention.

It’s often said that what you fear, you attract. You’re a little more receptive to that type of loose philosophy than you should be, so you aren’t exactly surprised when one day, the words come true.

Jacob’s voice calls out your name, soft, unlike him. “Are you awake?”

You’re glad you’re facing the wall. It gives you a chance against him, to not let him into your arms again. Other than pretending you’re asleep, there’s really no way out. Now that all the kids are gone, and the counselor you were supposed to share it with never showed up, you have the cabin all to yourself. Thinking about him had already kept you up all night, so you really just want to take a nap before you have to load the van up, not… this.

Seeing his face, those sad eyes, will end your resistance where it stands.

What the two of you have isn’t good. Against your intentions you’ve become at best a therapist, and at worst a replacement. Who you're taking the place of is unclear. At first you thought it was Emma. It wasn’t far-fetched to believe that you were covering for something that clearly wasn’t working. You were so sure, but more time with Jacob has left you doubting that. It has to be something in his past, something that happened a long time ago, inflicted by someone that you remind him of in one way or another. Being a proxy probably hurts him as much as it helps him, and you’re not exactly sure what it does to you.

What have you become? You’re not exactly the other woman. As far as you know, nothing’s really happened between Jacob and Emma in a long time, enough time that there’s a chance those flames have been swept out. You can see how Jacob’s affections burn hard against the cool of Emma’s practically nonexistent feelings.

You’ve let him, at least half a dozen times, come to be consoled by you. It began when he ran into you as you were heading down to the lake, one night when you couldn’t catch a wink of rest. When you later asked why he thought he could trust you, he didn’t have much to say.

You’ve let Jacob speak to you, cry to you. He mostly talks about nothing in particular, but if he nods off against your shoulder, he’ll mumble troubled, troubled words that make your heart pang. Lost thoughts about being alone, unwanted.

He has a lot of problems.

Around everyone else he can pretend he’s fine. You can learn as much from the truth as you can from a lie, but only if you’re looking.

He says your name again, in the midst of you faking a breath. You snuggle deeper into the thin fleece that Mr. Hackett gave you, trying to give the appearance of being slightly disturbed but not awoken. Something about the situation is giving you a feeling. You shouldn’t do this!

You can hardly think of anything at all when you hear his footsteps. He approaches your bunk cautiously, before you hear the creak in the floorboards and the movement of fingers. He tosses his shoes to the corner of the room. Then his sweats and shirt go too. You’re squeezing your eyes shut even though you desperately want to look at him. If not to admire his looks than to read the expression on his face.

When he lifts the blanket from your body. You’re so shocked by the action that you can’t even fight it, the way you shiver all over. Jacob climbs into bed and wraps his arm around you. You can feel the warmth of his body, his furnace-like chest against your back as his head rests against your shoulder.

Without him, you run cold naturally, especially when you sleep. Now that he’s in bed with you, you’re worried the temperature of his body will make you sweat.

“I know you’re awake. You can tell me to go,” he says weakly. “I’ll go.”

“I never want you to go, Jacob, even if I feel like you should.” You can’t hold back the reply. Logic fails you around him, at least when you’re alone.

If your words are vague, he still knows what you mean. He rewards you, you think, by gripping you tighter, murmuring thank you before pressing the lightest of kisses against your neck. You get the sense that he’s used to it, getting affection through transactions. He can’t give you much out here except his body heat, and he has more than enough of that for the both of you.

You’re expecting the regular dialogue when he takes a deep breath, like he usually does, but that’s not what you hear at all.

“I feel totally useless today,” Jacob says, “all I can think about is how nothing ever goes right. I feel like everyone is just tolerating me. I’d just wanted the day to end so I could come here and be with you. Even if you wouldn’t be caught dead speaking to me when the others are around. Then I remembered that we were leaving today…”

Maybe that is how things appear to him. With all the complications between the group, the crushes and the grievances, you’ve always thought you’re better off not adding whatever’s going on between the two of you to the mix. You’ve always acted like nothing had changed around the others, and he’d followed your lead. You didn’t think he had any problem with it.

All at once you realize how deep your concern for him goes. Has he wanted for something he felt you weren’t prepared to offer? You wonder how he’s felt every time you’ve paired up with someone else, if there’s ever been a hurt glance you missed. A jealous glance.

You still can’t look at him, but your hand searches for his, and when you find it you squeeze gently. It’s not natural for you, but it’s worth it to hear the way he gasps, like he really can’t believe it.

“It’s never been like that,” you tell him, “I just don’t want things to be awkward. Even if we aren’t usually… I don’t want things to change. I never knew how you felt either.”

He huffs, long and hard (listening for once) and you shake lightly as you feel it on your skin.

“I hope I haven’t been making you feel bad.” You sigh, “I wasn’t even thinking about it like that. Sometimes,” you were worried this would be a blow to his already lacking confidence, rather than anything constructive, “I don’t like the way you act around everyone. Like you have something to prove.”

“I… I feel like I do.”

“I think you think you do, but I think everyone else just feels like you aren’t being yourself. Some people,” you don’t want to say her name, “they can smell the blood in the water.”

“You haven’t been making me feel bad,” he murmurs, mouth close to your ear, “I love the way I feel. Around you, right now.”

You know there’s a chance he doesn’t mean anything by it, that he’s emotional and vulnerable and confused. Desire and confusion could sometimes be the same thing. But when he says things like this, as he has before, you can’t help but think about what it would be like.

You’ve certainly done more than just think. One hand down your shorts and your face buried in the fleece, the scent of him still on it, the smell of his cologne and his sweat. You’d put your palm to clit as you slid a finger inside, thinking of the outline of his cock the one chance you’d had to see him in it.

Down at the lake, a day of swimming, he’d had a swimsuit you swore hadn’t fit him since middle school. It was the definition of tight in all the right places.

Fat, was really all you were able to process. You’d blushed incredibly hard, swimming in the opposite direction before anyone had a chance to notice. The image filed away for later use.

Him, holding you down, slipping inside. The sting of it, of him making you take him. The sounds he would make when he was all the way in, balls against your clit. Teeth on your skin to muffle his moans.

It’d seemed like a pipe dream. Now you weren’t sure. In any case you hadn’t wanted to be fucked so bad, by anybody, in your life.

You flip over to face Jacob, staring deep into his eyes for the first time today. They’re misty, red, and they seem very sad. The whole thing makes you feel like a bad person, like a pervert. You wonder if he can see how black your eyes are with want for him. Can he feel how wet you are, right here next to him?

“Let’s go to sleep…” You venture, not meaning it at all, still glad that he agrees when he shifts to get comfortable and you feel his breathing even out. It’s far too long before you fall asleep yourself, too lost in visions of everything you want.

You know you’ll regret it later, that you’ll be nodding off when you shouldn’t be, but you can’t stop thinking.

. . .

You wake up thinking something troubling. You wish you could make Jacob understand. You don’t always need to get your happiness from people, but you know you only really mean other people. You’d have no problem being a rock for him. You want to give him a way out of the feelings that drown him every day. It’s what he so desperately seems to need.

But it can’t keep going on this way.

He must wake up moments after you do. Possibly aware of the change in your breathing, or maybe the way your heart rate has increased tenfold. He sighs, before chuckling in your ear, “what’s got you so worked up?”

“I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t overslept,” you look at the clock on your dresser. It’s only been half an hour. “Didn’t want to hold everyone up.”

It’s him, of course, but you can’t exactly say that. At least he seems in higher spirits than before, you consider.

The meaning becomes too literal when you feel his cock against you. Morning wood, probably. As much as it makes you wish the sheets would swallow you, it also sends your mind to other places.

Jacob tries to freeze, but his arm is still over your hips, caging you with his body, so there’s little you can do other than ignore it. But that already seems impossible, you can start to feel desire, burning in your pussy. You want him

It’s easy to feel him moving, attempting to be discreet but failing entirely. Every inch moves you with him because he’s unwilling to let go of you, whether he realizes it or not.

“I don’t mind,” you whisper, “or care. I mean I don’t care.”

“I care,” he bites back, seeming insulted. “I know you see that, so stop pretending like you don’t.”

You try to turn in his arms, but Jacob holds you still with little effort. He’s stronger, you think, obviously. You’re never able to escape him, mentally or physically.

“You think my problem is being insecure, fine. Your problem is that you’re always thinking, you never just feel.”

You know he’s right, but what can you say to that?

What was once a tight grip on your wrist turns into a comforting gesture, his thumb rubbing gently over the skin of your hand.

“L-let me make you feel something,” he sighs, “for once.”

You sigh, defeated in the best way possible.

Jacob's hard against you still, and he starts grinding into your ass gently. A gasp leaves you before your head is turned and you feel him on your cheek, a sweet kiss, before Jacob’s lips are on yours and he gives you a nasty one.

It’s your first kiss with him, but it doesn’t feel that way. You learn that Jacob likes to be close to you. He knows just how to get you to sigh, open your mouth up so he can press his tongue inside. It gets sloppy fast. You both moan, unable to part until you need to breathe. There’s spit connecting the two of you.

He moves your body beneath his, palm on the back of your neck an oddly comforting pressure. “Should’ve been kissing you this whole time,” he sighs.

“Doesn’t matter,” you tell him, putting your own hand to his cheek, “you have me now. Do whatever you want.”

Jacob makes quick work of your clothes, rids you of your bra, then tugs his trunks down to free his dick.

You want to blush at the sound it makes, the weight smacking against your stomach, lined exactly up with where he’ll be inside. Almost to your naval.

There’s a moment of just breathing, and when you look you see that he’s eyeing the same thing you are.

“I’ll fit,” he groans when he sees your expression. “Promise.”

You lick your lips. “Just prove it.”

Your panties are pulled to the side before you can hear him lick his thumb, once, twice. He must think it’s enough spit because he begins to use it to touch your clit, only to groan so loud you want to muffle him.

“Oh, oh. Fuck you’re already wet.”

“Yes,” you hiss, “I want you.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. The words seem to make him shake. “Tell me again.”

You walk your hands up his back, and he moans when your nails drag lightly over his muscles, “I want you. Give it to me, Jacob, please.”

He kisses you again. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll give it to you.” It’s mumbled against your mouth as he preps you. Sliding his cock through the folds of you, gathering enough pre from you and him to just get the head inside.

You shudder, and he moans. It’s loud, scaring you enough to slap your hand over his mouth.

“‘’M sorry,” he grunts, removing your hand. His chest lowers down to touch yours, his face in your neck. “I didn’t mean to. Your pussy’s so good,” he shifts his hips to feel more of you. “I’ll be q-quiet, won’t make a sound. I don’t want to stop.”

You wrap your legs around Jacob, practically humping yourself onto him, “c’mon.”

His cock feels bigger than you should be taking. You want to wheeze when he bottoms out, leaving you stuffed. You can feel his tongue on your neck, hear vague moans as your cunt clenches on him.

Jacob starts to rock his hips, keeping his mouth busy with your skin in an effort to keep the noise down. But none of that matters when he’s fucking you into the mattress. Deep thrusts that make the frame of the bed groan.

You can feel how wet you’ve gotten, how wet he’s made you. You wouldn’t be able to take him otherwise. It’s surely all over your thighs, probably dripping down to his balls. You can feel everything, his skin, his mouth, a hint of teeth, the way his dick is burning you up inside.

You shock yourself when you come, hard. You bite into Jacob’s shoulder to muffle your scream, wrapping every limb you have around him to keep him deep inside.

“Fuuck,” he’s trembling. “Fuck it, I need- I wanna come inside. Tell me you’re on the pill. I want it.” You can feel him throbbing in your pussy. It’s a good thing you are; he probably wouldn’t be able to pull out in time anyway.

You hum out an affirmation, teeth still between his flesh because you can’t stop moaning, and it’s only half a second more before you feel him cum, and if you weren’t wet before you are now. You can feel it, hot, inside, and even leaking out of you.

Jacob’s whole body tenses, before every muscle in his body seems to relax, like he’s been needing this for a long, long time. His arms falter, but he catches himself before he crushes you.

The both of you wince when he pulls out, and you’re thankful that he doesn’t mind the obscene amount of cum that you both will surely have to deal with eventually. The clock tells you It’s still early, there’s still time.

He’s gone to cuddling you again, tucking you into the side of his body. He’s certainly much more open to touching you now that he’s fucked you. His hands explore whatever skin they can reach.

You make an attempt to do the same, but when you touch his shoulder you can feel the slight indent of teeth. Not terribly deep, but there.

“I’m sorry, Jacob. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t say that,” he scoffs, totally nonchalant. “Your neck isn’t looking too hot either.”

“I know,” you sigh, “but some guys are really weird about stuff like that.”

“Ha,” he laughs it off, checking it out before giving you his typical grin. “I don’t mind it. It’s like you claimed me.”

You wonder if that’s something to think about.

Laying there, both of you lightly doused with sweat, the smell of sex absolutely unavoidable, your first thought is that your sheets are ruined. It’s a good thing that you’re leaving today, at least for that reason.

Whatever you’ve just done, you know now that you can’t shut Jacob out. How that will work out isn’t something you need to figure out now, or even today.

Despite Jacob’s epiphany concerning you, you’ve got dibs on a great seat in the van, and that should give you enough time to do all the thinking you need.

[yachiblanca]

lmao it's been a week since I last wrote something, but heyyyyy... here's another.

18+ Content, Minors do not interact!

Strange Apartment (Yan!Illuso x Reader)

↑

TW : your ex lover is a man, attempt of suicide, mentions of murder & blood, violence, unchecked errors 💀

----- = time skip

▼= small moments a few days after

It's been a few days since your last break up, yet you still feel your heart aching for that person you once loved had left you, left you for another bitch. You thought to yourself- were you not enough? You always made your self look nice to them, with all the jewelries and fitting clothes along with scents that makes him remember you everytime, everything didn't work after all those efforts.

You were still frustrated and deeply hurt, but you still convince yourself that you're more attractive than that bitch your ex got together with, heh- his lost, you thought.

You were walking to your new apartment, thankfully you found a cheap one a few days after your break up, you clutched your bags that you were holding with both of your hands- they were quite heavy so you had to check in fast. Without further ado, you enter in.

The reception area wasn't far to walk with two heavy bags, quickly made it and talked with the receptionist to check you in. You took a quick look around the apartment, it's atmosphere was quite shallow- you could even spot a few cobwebs by the corners, dust on the old looking couch and the carpet that was already fading to shade of gray, jeez they never thought of cleaning up this place? You internally made a disgusted look.

"Here's your key, enjoy your stay." The receptionist spoke with not a single tone, you flinched a little by their voice- turning around then grabbing the key that was placed on the counter, "Thank you." after thanking the receptionist you hasted to find your room, they looked like they were done with this place.. your thoughts said, but it wasn't your business, you shrugged.

Your room wasn't far because of how less people were staying here, spotting your room number- you walk to it and opened the door with your key, slowly opening the door to be greeted with a plain bed that was organized, a small table that was dusty, the paintings on the wall had a few cracks. You walked in and flopped your bags on the bed, "Well at least the bed is comfy.." After placing your bags you took a few looks at the main room then decided to check the bathroom. Walking in to see the same average bathroom, well that's good- it was a relief that it wasn't that dirty.

Well at least this was your new home now.

The next day..

Waking up- feeling the sun shine on your face, your face frowned- it took you courage to get up and get to work, you were feeling way too lazy right now, you groaned. Slowly you used both of your arms to get up from your bed- You felt quite dizzy from all the crying last night, how long did you cry? What time did you even sleep? You couldn't remember anymore- you missed them so much, "Fuck fuck fuck.." you whispered while rubbing both of your temples with your fingers "Forget them, forget them.. you have work to do Y/N.." you heavily sighed, feeling your heart wrapped in chains.

You stood up from your bed, walking to the bathroom- opening the door to see yourself looking like nothing the same before, your eyes were still sore, it was puffy- under was your eyebags were visible and seemed to have gotten darker, your hair was an absolute mess, you couldn't take a shower last night- damn it, you didn't expect it would become worse.

You decided to take a warm bath in the morning, turning the bathtub sink to let the warm water fill. You walked out to eat a quick breakfast of bread & a banana you packed with you.

-------------------

A few minutes later you finished eating your breakfast, walking in the bathroom to check if the bathtub was finished- expectingly it did. You started to take off your clothes, letting it fall on the bathroom floor. You turned off the running water, then stepping one foot in slowly, then another. Once you were in you let your body sink in, feeling relaxed a little. You laid your back on the end of the bathtub, staring at the reflection of yourself at the water- you thought to yourself, were you really that unattractive? Here yet another session of grieving.

Your cries didn't stop for the past 40 minutes now, you were still going- you wanted to stop but even if you did stop, you'll still keep on crying. Is there any way you wanted this to stop? You stared at your reflection again, your mind blank. You felt yourself sink more in the water, maybe this was gonna stop it..

"Hey if I were you I wouldn't do that." A voice spoke loud in the bathroom, immediately stopping to look in your surrounding to see no one "Huh? What the hell.. Who the fuck? Where- Who are you..?" you questioned, "I mean, it's not that important to know but anyways, what the hell are you doing to yourself?" the voice sounded like a man, you assumed he was. You went back to face the water, "I should be scared right now but.. I just really miss him, they broke up with me for another one." You bit yourself, feeling tears bubble in the corner of both of your eyes, "I hate him so much.. I loved him more than anyone else, did everything for him, polished myself till I looked like a whore then this is what I get?!" Your lips bled from how hard you had bit your lips, the blood dripped then fell in the water.

"You've been crying for the past 40 minutes for a stupid looking person? Come on you gotta have some brains in there, think about it! There's many people out there then here you are crying for an old shitty person." You stayed silent, he was right though- there were many out there, but it wasn't easy to move on "If I were you, just get up and get drunk." you raised your head, "Yeah maybe some alcohol will do."

-----------

After that day the voice still approaches you everytime you enter the bathroom, you still couldn't see him, but both of you had developed friendship. Everyday you're greeted with a "Morning" from him, he was quite nice to talk with- since he always listens to you and giving comments to those shitty people you talk about.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" you were sitting in the empty bathtub holding a bowl of cereal, "Sure, why not?"

"How come you aren't actually scared? I usually come here to scare the shit out of people and they end up moving away, locals say there's a ghost and let me tell you, the fucking reactions are hilarious to watch!" He laughed and so did you, "It's actually pretty nice to have someone to talk to, and now I know why there's not much people who live in here." The voice chuckled "Keep eating or you're going to be late." You looked at the clock above the door, "You- I'm 30 minutes late!" "Your fault."

▼

"Heeeeyyyy Y/N~" You reacted shockingly, quickly pulling the curtains to the side, "YOU ASSHOLE! I told you not to come up while I'm showering!"

"Just wanted to talkkk.."

"Go talk to yourself."

"I'm lonely."

"Your fault."

"Fuck you." You smugged.

------------

"Hey ghost dude- you here right now?" You yelled out before walking in the bathroom, it was a brief silence till the voice responded, "I have a name, also do you need something?" you slightly scratched your cheek with your index, lowering your head "I met this cute person.. at the cafe.. any tips?"

"Oh.. that's..interesting.."

-------------

You stomped your way back to your room- opening and slamming it close, you threw your purse bag- letting it hit the vase, resulting it to breaking when it fell on the floor, you entered the bathroom and immediately entering the empty bathtub to sit again, "Another one! Seriously another one!" you pulled your legs close to your chest- wrapping with both of your arms, "Why can't they just say they're not interested in me, no need to damn ignore me as if i'm a ghost!?"

You've moved on more faster when you got to talk with someone about all your problems, after moving on you decided you wanted to go in another relationship again- hoping the next person will treat you better.

The routine just goes over and over though. You find one, you both text and get to know each other, you both decide to meet up, next thing is that they don't reply back when you're at the meeting place, why weren't they replying? You called more than 20 times and sent multiple texts- yet they weren't answering.

You couldn't count how many times have you been ignored, but it was lots. They were jerks, pretending to be all nice but in the end they were just assholes, you hated that this is happening to you everytime you found someone, everytime it happens- you tell it all to Illuso.

It been a minute since Illuso didn't reply, he usually replies in any second, you raised your head "Illuso..?" It was silent again, "Huh, guess you're busy." Just as you were about to stand up- a voice called "Woah woah wait wait!" You stopped "Oh hey- where were you?" "I had to... deal with something." You raised one of your brow, "Mhmm.. sure."

"So what's up? Date ran off again?" You pouted "Yeah, all jerks.." You spoke the last phrase with a mumble, "Aww don't worry, you'll find the one someday~" You rolled your eyes, "Yeah right."

▼

"Holy shit, so you actually live in a mirror?! That's unbelievable like- no way!!" You stared in amazement when Illuso had revealed himself- he was standing inside your bathroom mirror "I mean you're seeing it right now so yeah this is real, obviously." He smirked.

You went close to see if you can touch him- suddenly he extended out his hand, his hand who went through the mirror, this time it looked really like his real hand.

"Ow what the hell- stop!" Illuso pinched your cheek hard, "Make me then." He chuckled.

--------------

"Great, I swear this is the last time I'll ever meet up with someone again!" You were standing outside a restaurant waiting for your new date who was 20 minutes late, it was getting cold. You sighed "Time to get home.."

You cupped both of your hands and blew them with your breath, it was getting cold and that you needed to get home quickly. "Jeez, it isn't even winter yet.."

In the middle of walking you heard noises near an alleyway that was just a turn, when you got closer it sounded like- punches, like.. punching someone, your eyebrows furrowed in curiosity "What the fuck..?" You whispered under your breath, your guts are saying don't look and keep walking, yet you still wanted to look.

The streets were empty, just the lights that lit up the street and cats and dogs sleeping at the corners, you sticked your body on the wall and took small steps till you peeked at the alleyway.

You saw one man who was beating up another, they were both under the light- you saw the man who was punching had their fist bloody as hell, you wanted to step in but something had stopped you, or maybe even your heart.

"Look, I'll let you go if you forget about this and if you leave her, if you don't you'll fucking face consequences you dipshit!" He pushed the man's head that was on the ground "I'm sorry- I'm sorry! I won't I really won't! I'll forget all about this happened I promise!" The man cried.

'Illuso.. what the hell's going on..?' you stared in shock- wide eyes and your mouth slightly open, you were starting to get dizzy- to the point that you wanted to vomit, you took a few steps back- silent as possible, when you were further away you made a run, deciding to take a shortcut back to your place.

'What was he doing? That man looked like my date..!' Your mind spoke when you were running, 'Why? Why would he do such a thing?' Suddenly flashbacks had hit you, putting the pieces together to complete a puzzle, 'So all of my dates.. were gone because of him?!' You gritted your teeth.

-----------

Finally arriving at the apartment, you sprinted your way to your room, opening it quickly then entering the bathroom, you noticed Illuso wasn't here yet- you grabbed the mirror then smashed it on the floor, witnessing it shatter into pieces.

'I can't be here.. I can't...' You went on to packing your clothes as fast as you can, shoving it carelessly as you were panicking 'He knows where I am.. I can't stay with him..'

You finished packing the unfolded clothings, not leaving any other accessories behind you shoved them in with the clothes too. You grabbed your heavy bags and hasted out.

-------------

It's been weeks since you left the apartment & Illuso, you've been anxious for the first week- not even daring to go out, shattering every that was a mirror, you only stayed in bed while only getting 30 minutes of sleep.

But after a week, you assumed that he couldn't find you- slowly making you try to go out in once in a while. Along the way you met a wealthy person, invited you for coffee, then got their number. Now you were in a relationship with them, you were happy- nothing went wrong for the past weeks, you were rising back up the way you were before- happy.

--------------

"We're actually going to live here?!" Your lover chuckled, "Of course, how many times did you ask this question again?" both of you decided to move out and live together, after months of both of your relationsip.

"Sorry, It's just I've never ever thought that we'll live together.. in this house!" You quickly hugged them, wrapping your arms around them tightly expressing how much excited and happy you were, "Okay okay- too tight too tight.." You let go your wrapped arms "Whoops, sorry.." They kissed your forehead "It's alright love, how about you take a look around while I carry out the bags in the car?" You nodded.

You entered the fancy looking house, it had a 2nd floor- above was a chandelier, and other rooms also had fancy looking lamps. You were flabbergasted- making your lower lip descend, you decided to look in every room- checking every cabinets, drawers.

Finally you arrived at the 2nd floor, checking everything till you had finally arrived at you and your lover's bedroom, entering then looking at your right was a bed that was extremely big- you grinned, you ran and jumped on it making you bounce a bit "So comfy!" you squealed out, you then sat up to see your reflection infront.

Infront was a big mirror almost as big as the whole wall, it's borders were like the waves colored in gold, you made a few funny faces and laughed it out.

"You look so stupidly cute, you should do that sometime." Your eyes wide, your heart felt something aching- then it started to beat fast, that was a familiar voice.. very familiar.. you spotted something at the corner- immediately recognizing it's figure was Illuso.

"What the fuck.." you turned around to look at the corner to see no one- you looked back to the mirror to see Illuso starting to walk behind you. You sat there while you were beyond shock, too shock that you didn't know what to do anymore, should you run? Scream? No, you couldn't think anymore, how was he even in the mirror?

"I have to be hallucinating.." He was getting closer, your hands clenched the sheets under- your head bopping left to right while you watched him.

You heard a ring, a strange ring.

You turned around to still see Illuso, yet this time he was already close to you, "Where the hell did you go? You should've told me where you were." He placed his arms around your shoulders, his lips close to your ear "I've always wanted to be this close- ever since we met.. but finally we are." He smiled.

You swallowed your throat, "You bitch.. My-" "Your lover? Hah! You should see how bloody his face looked." Your lips started to slowly tremble, "W-What.." your voice cracked- you felt tears filling your eyes, letting it fall on your cheeks, "Aww shh, don't cry.." He used his index finger to wipe the falling tear.

"You're safe here with me."

[otrtbs]

PSA: Nat’s ranting abt art! (again) What’s new?

for context ,, some people went to the museum of modern art in nyc and made a tiktok where they jokingly posed in front of all the paintings “they could’ve easily done themselves” and I knew scrolling through the comments would be a masochistic move even if the video itself was funny ,,, but I did it anyway and was punished for it 😭 like,,,

anyway,,, thinking about when Walter Benjamin said the rise of cinema and television and ad culture has led the masses to contemplate true art as a form of seeking out distraction:

“Reception of art now normally happens in a state of distraction. […] The public is an examiner, but an absent-minded one.”

People are no longer looking at art to seek but they’re looking at art to tell. Rothkos and Kleins don’t provide the adequate distraction for the public eye. The art and artists demand you seek outside of the work, or else it feels like a comical joke (if you’re not willing to do that). A joke that you’re not in on. Which is why so many people have so many problems with Modern Art.

Historicizing Art would tell you that the blue square was a completely new handmade pigment that had never been seen before! It was a completely new color that the artist had made! It would also tell you that the the technical level of artistry required to paint the blue completely smooth canvas was profound. Even the smallest brushstroke or fleck of dust on wet paint would cause texture and unwanted dimension. Furthermore, monochrome paintings were not common during this time. In fact Ives Klein’s blue square was one of the first of its kind. He wanted to viewer to spend a great deal of time with his paintings so that they would get lost in the color as one gets lost in the vastness of the ocean or the infiniteness of the sky. He wanted viewers to appreciate the color he so masterfully crafted. (he did not account for viewers looking at it for .2 seconds, scoffing abt how easy it looked to make, and then writing it off as a money laundering scheme) He not only invented a new painting but a new way to look at art. It’s a painting about the artists’ process, about his artistic mastery and level of skill. Its also about breaking the mold. That’s what it’s means. None of these things you could know from simply looking at the square. No one would expect you too. But asking questions, researching things that don’t make sense to you, talking to a museum curator, reading the wall text, popping onto to google, these are easy things to to do.

Also fun fact: A color blind Eddie Redmayne wrote his thesis on Ives Klein Blue because he was actually able to distinguish it from other hues for his Art History Thesis! That’s pretty cool!

Anyway, the point is, it makes me sad how quick people are to write off things they don’t understand. They don’t want to bother learning especially when it comes to art. Because the paintings no longer spell out exactly what is there and what it’s trying to say for the viewer, they become useless. Any further need for explanation is written off as pretentious. You don’t have to love modern art! But it would be nice if more people were at least open to trying to understand it a bit better.

[hale-raiser1]

a small frown appeared between her brows as she listened to him talk, not sure why it upset her that he was admitting that nothing happened between him and his friend. it was mostly guilt eating at her, maybe it was also something telling her that if he had, they'd be on even playing field but Lucy knew that Sam wasn't like that. he wasn't going to hit back at her that way, that wasn't the kind of man and person he was. "thank you for telling me," the girl said with a nod of her head. the spike of jealousy that had shot through her when he had first said the other woman's name, it hadn't made sense, or had it? of course it did. she loved him. didn't want to think of him with anyone else. even if that wasn't fair to him. she had caused this huge void between them and she wasn't trying to play victim. there was never a day where she'd do that to anyone, ever, especially when she knew she messed up a lot. it had been that way since forever. somehow Sam accepted that about her, though.

standing there in front of him, watching him, seeing who he was and how strong he was - it reminded her of one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him. there were a lot of reasons, many were simple, like the way that he grazed his fingers over her skin when he was thinking and not knowing he was doing it. the way that when she was worried and her brows scrunched up together, he'd use his thumb to smooth them down again. how he took care of her heart, even when he might not know he was doing it. the way he looked at her, it caused her breath to catch in her throat and her heart to pound in her chest. the way he loved his children more than anything and anyone in the world. their relationship was special and Lucy was amazed how perfect the world looked just being able to see a glimpse inside. Sam was special, always had been, and over the years when they were apart she had taken the time out of her life to watch as he grew and became more. there had never been a doubt that he'd become who he is now. no surprise how much people loved him, how fans fawned over him, how he was with them. incredible. it was the only word that could describe him.

'Every word' had her taking in a deep breath, her eyes closing when she felt him take her other hand, before opening again so that she could continue to look at him. steeling herself in case her next words didn't get the reception she hoped they would, Lucy opened up her own heart, which wasn't something she did easily. she was the kind of woman who kept it all battened down so that nothing could hurt her. so no one could destroy her walls that she had built up high, wrapped with wire and then covered in concrete. but Sam? he had found a way to knock them all down and she didn't know how. how she had let this one man tumble them down, while tons of others, hadn't been able to make a dent.

"i love you," fell from her lips as the thumb of her hand still cupping his face ran over his bottom lip, her eyes glancing down to watch what she was doing. his lips always fascinated her for some reason. they were full and she knew exactly how they felt on every part of her body. clearing her throat gently, her eyes flew up again to connect with his. "i love you," the words came out stronger now and she tilted her head, a smile tipping up the sides of her own lips. "i never stopped loving you. never could imagine a day where i didn't. i.." honesty was the best policy, right? "i tried, though. 'cause i didn't think we'd ever get another chance so i tried to forget the feelings i had for you. i tried letting go and trying to feel for others but.. the heart doesn't work that way, does it? just because you want to let go and feel something else, it doesn't just let you. not when what you feel for someone is strong. not when they break down all of your walls, all of your defenses, all of your barriers. that person pretty much becomes the owner of that silly organ that can hurt so much but also be light and filled with so much love that it also hurts but in a good way," her lips clamped together and she let out a sigh as she dropped her hand and took a few steps away from him. "so i guess now you know," her eyes blinked a few times and she lowered her head. "it doesn't have to mean anything, it can just be words if that's what you need but.. i love you." her shoulders lifted all the way to her ears before they dropped as if in defeat.

[tomurasprincess]

Kinktober Day 24: Monster (The Asylum)

Day 24: Monster Title: The Asylum Pairing: Mothman Shigaraki x Reader Word Count: 3.1k Warnings: Noncon, monster mind control stuff, oviposition, cumflation, belly bulges, breeding, forced orgasms, some slight descriptions of gore and blood, yandere Note: The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum is a real place, although parts of what I wrote is fake, mostly the part where they close down a second time in the fic. IRL, they’re still open and doing tours. Tagging @ichor-and-symbiosis​ and @kazooli​ as two of the OG Mothura writers 👀

Sequel: The Brood

Kinktober Masterlist

You’ve always loved urban exploring, going to old mental asylums and hospitals to look around and see the decay of places that used to be so bustling with people. You especially liked the places that had tragic pasts, the ones where horrific things occurred. It sounds morbid to anyone you talk to about your interests, but it was the truth. You’ve always believed in monsters and ghosts just out of sight of humanity, lurking in the dark corners of abandoned places.

That’s why you instantly planned a trip to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum the second you heard about it. It had been abandoned years ago due to extreme abuse of patients. A historical society had moved in later, renovating the place and making a history tour of it that also did ghost tours at night.

But even they ended up abandoning the place due to the fake ghost tours apparently starting to become real ghost tours. People began to see creatures out of the corner of their eyes, something they said was much larger than a human, with wings on its back and piercing red eyes.

It was initially dismissed as overactive imaginations, people who wanted to see ghosts so badly that they were seeing things that weren’t there. Or people who just wanted to start tall tales  for attention and were flat out making things up in order to scare the rest of the group.

But then the disappearances started to happen. It was almost always young women who got separated from the tour group, although a few times it was a boyfriend and girlfriend who got lost together. The tour guides scoured every inch of the asylum looking for the missing people, but they found no trace of them. At first it was dismissed as the people getting scared and running off without telling anybody.

Until one day, a regularly scheduled tour group stumbled across the bodies. Not the bodies of the missing girls, but their partners. They were viciously torn apart, with limbs scattered all over the room. Their blood covered the walls, the floor, even the ceiling of the room. The women were alive but traumatized, rocking back and forth in a corner of the room absolutely covered in blood, none of which was their own.

They told the same tales that the rest of the people did. They were captured by a monster, around 8-9 feet tall, with large moth-like wings and red eyes. The creature was surprisingly gentle to them, they said, at least until they saw that they were with someone. The creature had become enraged, tearing their partner to pieces as they watched. They knew for certain that they would be next, their eyes squeezed tight as they waited for their death.

But the creature did nothing, simply turning away and leaving the room like they were not what the creature wanted.

Although everyone agreed that something horrible had happened to the young women, none of them believed their story. They had stayed in that room for several days, covered in the blood of their loved ones, not knowing if they were ever going to make it out. Of course they were traumatized, thinking they saw monsters. But monsters aren’t believed to exist, and so everyone began to look for a human murderer that was never found.

The asylum tried to recover from the tragedy, but it was never able to. The amount of bad press they got for having lax safety standards and not taking care of their tour groups caused everybody to stay away. Finally, having no other choice in the matter, the asylum had closed.

When you heard this story, you were over the moon excited. Not just a historical landmark, but also a place with a possible real life monster sighting. Nothing was going to stop you from going there and seeing the place for yourself.

And now here you stand, in front of the building with a backpack full of supplies slung over your shoulder. You had your phone, flashlights with spare batteries, a spare change of clothes, matches and lighters, even a rope and various other tools should something happen inside of the building.

And so, with a deep excitement bubbling up in your stomach, you find your way through a hole in the fence and walk through the front door. The first thing you see is the reception desk with various odds and ends left over from the closure. There are even still brochures describing the various types of tours and listing prices.

You walk down the first corridor you see, going past various closed off rooms that look to be basic examination rooms. There is surprisingly little decay, mostly everything still looking rather clean and intact besides a thick layer of dust and cobwebs covering everything. You’re a bit discouraged but decide to continue on to see if things get more interesting.

After all, the murders occured in the basement, and you’re not anywhere close to that yet.

Soon you find yourself in the medical ward where the patients were kept, and you instantly realize one of the reasons this hospital was so nightmarish. The rooms are even smaller than jail cells, leaving barely enough space for patients to lay down in. There are so many rooms of that exact size that you wonder how the staff could accurately take care of the amount of patients there had to be. But you remember your research, remember the fact that they couldn’t.

That was why so many brutal procedures were performed such as lobotomies, in order to keep the peace at the asylum and make things easier for the doctors and nurses. You give a quick shudder and begin to move on, feeling a strange sensation that you desperately want to get away from.

The decay gets worse and worse the closer you get to the basement, rust and decay beginning to cover every surface you see. You walk past some of the surgery rooms and feel horror at the utensils and instruments you see in them. The historical society tried to keep things as accurate as possible, and as such, they had kept most of the equipment that you would see back in those days.

You’re beginning to wonder if this is a good idea, as that strange sensation continues to worsen and worsen. You realize with a start what this feeling actually is.

It feels like someone is watching your every movement. You whirl around, shining your flashlight in every direction as you try to see what’s watching you. But there’s nothing but darkness and the decaying walls of the hospital. You shake your head, laughing quietly at the fact that you’re spooked out by a few weird shadows and an odd feeling.

You’re not going to let it stop you from your goal, however, and you continue forwards until you get to the doors of the basement. The feeling here is overwhelming, simultaneously telling you to run and move forward all at the same time. The conflicting emotions leave you off balance and light headed, and you reach your hand out instinctively when you sway on your feet. You touch a section of the wall and instantly pull your hand back.

The wall is warm, not cold like it should be. A sense of unease crawls up your spine, and you decide then and there that it’s time to go. Making it to the basement is not worth this, whatever it is you’re feeling. But then you hear a soft humming and the flapping of wings, coming from deep within the basement of the hospital.

Instead of being terrified, however, you feel entranced. It’s one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever heard, and it’s calling you. You open the basement door without even thinking about it, walking down the stairs in a dreamy haze. You don’t even pay attention to how heavy the rot here is, how the walls are entirely blackened by decay that spreads out like veins on a body.

You don’t pay attention when the door slams closed behind you, locking you in with whatever is calling you closer. All you can think about is getting to that beautiful sound, that lonely haunting call that seems to burrow deep into your brain. You walk as if you’re in a trance, turning corridors that you’ve never seen before but somehow know where they’re going.

Finally, you get to a door that is deep within the bowels of the basement, a bright red door that seems to beckon you inside. You push open the door with no hesitation, walking through and letting it close behind you.

And you finally come face to face with the creature. He is about 9 feet tall, towering over your small form. He’s not overly muscular, but he has a thin wiry look to him that says he is deceptively strong. His red eyes bore into you like they’re staring directly into your soul. On his back are two massive wings, spread to their full wing span and utterly gorgeous.

The creature makes a small chittering noise as he motions you towards him, and you follow like he’s a puppeteer holding your strings. He pulls you tightly into his body, burying his nose into your neck and taking a deep whiff of your skin. His hot breath on your sensitive skin pulls a shudder from you. and he tightens his grip as if he’s worried you’ll get away.

A long tongue pokes out of his mouth, licking at the pulse point that is frantically beating. “Mine,” he groans into your skin, sharp teeth grazing you. “Mate.” You’re lifted up off your feet before being laid down on the ground, hips in the air and face down on the floor. He rips your pants off easily, leaving your panties on as he lowers his head down. You feel a flash of embarrassment as he sniffs them like he sniffed your neck, groaning again as his tongue drags across the wet abric. “Fertile,” he whispers as he pulls your panties aside, “fertile mate.”

The haze parts from your mind long enough for you to feel a sharp flash of fear, and then his tongue is lapping at your folds and the fear is quickly chased away again. You dig your nails into the floor as you feel him work his tongue inside of you, using it to fuck you like a cock would. You gasp when he hits your cervix with his tongue and keeps going, wiggling against the barrier like he’s trying to break through it.

Something in his saliva causes your body to heat up and your muscles to loosen enough for him to batter his tongue harder against you and push through. Your scream echoes through the walls of the room, but not of pain. Instead, a fierce pleasure overtakes you as your cervix gives way to the creature’s tongue, allowing him to enter into your womb.

The feeling of this tongue wiggling around in your empty womb causes you to tip over the edge and cum around the creature’s tongue as he eagerly laps at your juices. He withdraws his tongue, causing you to let out a whine of disappointment, only to be surprised when you feel something prodding at your entrance. It doesn’t feel like a human cock at all, with ridges and bumps along the length and much thicker than a human cock would be.

You have a single moment to wonder how it will fit inside of you before it’s pushing in, stretching out your tight outer ring of muscles and causing a sharp burning in your lower stomach. You whine and try to pull away, only for the creature to let out a snarl as claws dig into your hips, causing your blood to drip down onto the pavement.

Even though there is no pain, only more pleasure, you learn your lesson and don’t try to move away as the thick cock slides even further into you. It’s so much thicker than anything you’ve ever taken before, and you’re shaking like a leaf when he finally bottoms out inside. You think he’ll start thrusting like a human male would, except that he doesn’t.

He keeps pushing, humping into you with sharp movements designed to force your cervix open even further. You squeal as the cock makes it past the barrier, burying deep inside of your womb. You glance down and let out a choked sob at the bulge in your stomach where the tip of the creature’s cock is.

“Pretty - pretty mate,” the creature says hesitantly, rolling his hips experimentally into you and drawing a groan from your throat. “Tomura,” he adds, and it takes you a second to realize that’s the creature’s name.

“Tomura,” you murmur, and the creature chitters happily at the sound of your voice saying the name. You try to think of something else to ask, maybe even to beg to be released as the haze seems to clear a bit, but Tomura begins to hum again, and you instantly smile in bliss as all of your concern fades away.

You feel something else pushing into your entrance, and it takes a long moment to realize what it is as you feel it slip up your stretched out tunnel.

Eggs. The creature is filling you with eggs. Instead of being horrified, however, you moan as they continue to move inside of you. There are multiple eggs at once, small and gooey, and they coat your insides with wetness as they make their way to your still stretched out cervix.

You feel them pass through the opening to plop down into your womb, and you cry out and cum hard, pussy wildly fluttering around Tomura’s cock. He lets out a deep grunt of pleasure as he rocks his hips against you, and you feel more eggs pushing into you. This time, a few of them get stuck against a spongy spot inside of you, and you scream out your orgasm, legs shaking and eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Fuck, oh god, shit, Tomura - “ you babble mindlessly as more eggs push into you, “it feels so good, why does it - “

Before those eggs can push fully in, there are already more entering you, and you feel so incredibly full. They drop down into your no longer empty womb, wringing another orgasm from your tired body. The skin of your stomach is stretching, making you look bloated, and Tomura still isn’t done.

You lose track of time completely, only aware of your body twitching and convulsing as more and more eggs push up into you, settling into your womb with the rest of them. Your stomach already looks 9 months pregnant, and you can barely hold yourself up.

Tomura sees this, and he gently picks you up and lays you down on your back. “Pretty mate,” he leans and kisses your forehead, “look so good with my children. Our children.”

“Oh god, no more, please no more, I’m so full Tomura,” you whimper as more eggs push into you. “Please, so full - “

Tomura hums softly at you, and you smile with bliss as the final eggs plop down into your womb.  His movements become more savage, thrusting hard into you as he grunts and groans. The force of his thrusts has you sliding up, breasts bouncing and your belly jiggling. The feeling of the eggs moving around inside of you has you howling out your orgasm, blackness dotting the edge of your vision as you almost lose consciousness.

Finally, Tomura is finished, and his cock begins to twitch inside of you as hot ropes of cum fill you up, shooting directly into your womb where the eggs reside. You sob as you watch your stomach bulge out even more as the creature’s cum fertilizes the eggs inside. You can no longer see the dents and valleys of the eggs along your stomach, and you reach down to gently run your hand over your bloated stomach.

You can feel the eggs through the barrier of skin, and it causes your eyes to roll back at the pleasure. Tomura gives a soft, happy chirp as he places his hand over yours on your belly, rubbing it gently. He pulls out slowly, causing a mixture of your cum and his to gush out of your now gaping pussy.

He reaches down to pick you up as he walks towards a door in the back of the room that you hadn’t noticed before. You’re shocked by what you see when you walk through. It’s an utterly untouched room, still looking brand new and with none of the decay that covers the rest of the basement. There is no bed, but there is a pile of clean blankets and pillows in the corner, piled up high and in a circle.

A nest, you realize. It’s a nest. For you. He tucks you in gently, chirping again as his clawed hand runs over your pregnant belly. “Mate,” he says happily, “my pretty little mate.” He stands up and walks towards the door, turning to you one last time as his gaze narrows and darkens just a bit.

“No running. Don’t want to have to tie mate down.” He continues to gaze at you, as if waiting for something.

“I won’t run,” you say quietly, and the dark look on his face is gone instantly as he beams at you.

“Good mate, good.” And with that, he’s gone.

With his absence, some of the haze lifts and you’re able to realize the horror of the situation you’re in. Nobody knows where you are, and you’re trapped. Even if you wanted to run, you don’t think you could with how large your belly is. No escape and no help coming for you, and the creature already seems so possessive of you that he’s not going to let you easily escape.

If only you had listened to your instincts earlier, if only you hadn’t been so fascinated with the grotesque, if only you had simply chosen to stay home.

You’ve always believed in monsters. You just never thought you would find one.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

Kinktober: @thewheezingwyvern​, @vixen-scribbles​, @katsukisprincess​, @hisoknen​, @trafalgar-temptress​, @leeswritingworld, @burnedbyshoto​, @bakugotrashpanda​, @dee-madwriter​, @kittycatkrissa​, @reinawritesbnha​, @yanderart​, @dabilove27​, @anxietyplusultra​, @flutterfalla​, @angmarwitch​, @nereida19​, @babayaga67​, @fromsunnywithlove​, @dabis-kitten​, @bakugos-cumsock​, @yumeneji​, @the-grimm-writer​, @iwaizumi-chan​, @slashersheart​, @bunnyywritings​, @bakarinnie​, @angie-1306​, @lalalemon101​​, @videogameboiwhowins​​, @f4nficbaby​​, @tenkoshimmy​, @baroque-baby​​, @bbyspiiice​​, @thirstyforthem2dmen​​, @blissfulignorance2000​, @bluecookies02-main​

[supernovafics]

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐈𝐓 𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐃

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader

summary: in which you are at a wedding for your friend and see tom, your ex of almost two years. unsurprisingly, things are completely awkward between the two of you. that is until some alcohol has you both saying and doing things that might have been better left unsaid

warnings: explicit language, drunkenness, angst, a lot of sexual tension

word count: 1.7k words

author’s note: i’m currently working on something else tom related that is taking sooo long to finish because of how long it is  (over 4k words right now and will probably be at least 6k…..) but i wanted to post something (because its actually been 4ever since i have) so i put this together and i actually like how it turned out and anyway i hope you all enjoy it too!

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。..·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。. .·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

You had only been to two weddings in your lifetime, for your aunt and then your cousin, but you already knew that Talia’s wedding was your favorite one by far. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, taking place in a stunning rose garden, and it was on the smaller side with only about fifty people.

At first, you loved that it was fewer people because that made it much less overwhelming to interact with others. But when the small number of people actually made it much easier for you to spot one person in particular, someone that you did not really want to see, you wished that there were hundreds of more people at the wedding to keep you hidden.

You were actually completely unfazed to see Tom there, but that didn’t mean you still didn’t feel uneasy about seeing him. Talia had been his friend first, and you met her through him, quickly becoming friends with her. And even once your relationship with Tom ended, you and she stayed close with one another.

Your plan was to avoid Tom the entire time. However, unfortunately, when you spotted him, he also saw you, so you reluctantly waved instead of blatantly disregarding him, and he took that as a sign to come over to you.

The entire interaction was awkward, and you hated every moment of it; the quietly said hellos and share of some simple small talk. Luckily, though, your friend Charlie was there during the short conversation too, so he was able to curb some of the awkward tension, and it made things not feel completely horrible.

The last time you and Tom had seen each other in person was when you broke up almost two years ago, so it actually didn't really surprise you how weird things felt at that moment.

Now you and Charlie were at the reception, which was in a different part of the garden. And aside from the awkward moment with Tom, which happened before the wedding even started, you were actually having a pretty great time. You were slightly tipsy due to having drunk five glasses of champagne, and you were able to make pretty fast friends with the people that were at your table because of how nice they were.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," You told Charlie, who was engrossed in a conversation with one of the guys at the table; they were talking about this new band that you did not know about.

Charlie nodded his head at your statement. "Okay, don't fall in."

"Ew," You grimaced at the thought and then began making your way to the bathroom, which was inside the large house that the garden was a part of.

As you walked through the expansive and elegantly decorated hallway toward the bathroom, you almost immediately crashed right into someone. You blamed half of the collision happening on your slight tipsiness and the other half on you being so interested in the paintings that took up the walls of the entire hallway.

"Hey, shit, sorry about that…” You looked up at the person in front of you, who had their hands on your upper arms to steady you from falling. When you saw who the person was, easily recognizing him, the rest of the words you were about to say died in your throat.

"No, it was probably more of my fault," Tom responded and laughed a bit. You were quick to notice that he was at least somewhat drunk as well because of how flushed his cheeks were. "Also, I didn't get to tell you earlier, but you look great, Y/N."

You smiled sheepishly and briefly looked down at your outfit, which was a strapless emerald green floor-length dress. "Thanks. You look very nice too. And I also would've told you that earlier, but it was so fucking awkward."

Tom laughed again. "You're very right about that. I wish it wasn't."

"Me too," You stated honestly. "We used to be really good friends, and then our relationship went to shit, and so did our friendship."

"We could still be friends."

He said it so simply and made it sound like such an easy thing to do. Of course, you knew that it actually couldn’t be that easy.

You were quiet for a few moments and then ultimately shook your head at Tom’s words. "Not really. Not with the way things ended with us."

You remembered the long argument the two of you had way too well; it almost felt as if it had happened yesterday instead of nearly two years ago. It had been the eruption of everything that the both of you built up for months on end. Somehow the resentment, anger, and sadness that you both had been silently harboring managed to come out all at once and led to the solidified end of your relationship. For the most part, you believed that it was meant to happen since the two of you had been drifting away from each other for a while anyway. But, sometimes, you did regret letting it end like that.

"But I do really miss talking to you," You said softly and sighed. You knew for a fact that if you didn't have five glasses of champagne coursing through your body and slightly impairing your mind, you wouldn't have said any of that. Actually, things with Tom right then probably would have still felt so damn awkward and much less comfortable.

"I really miss you too," Tom’s voice was soft as he talked as well.

You could feel your heart involuntarily flutter at his soft-spoken statement. You both hated and loved how easily you were able to fall back into love with him, in a sense. It was so easy to think about all of the good times the two of you had instead of the bad, especially in the slightly intoxicated state you were in.

“Who’s the guy you’re here with?” Tom asked abruptly.

“Is someone jealous?” You asked with a slight smirk playing on your lips. There was a playfulness in your voice that you knew would not have been there if you were any hint of sober.

In fact, you knew you wouldn’t have been having this conversation with Tom if you were sober.

“Just… curious,” Tom responded and shrugged lightly.

“His name is Charlie,” You answered and paused for a beat before you said the words that you knew Tom wanted to hear. “He’s just a friend.”

Tom nodded, and you could see the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. “Okay.”

It was then that you both noticed how dangerously close you were to each other, and you took a brief note of how nice it felt to be that close again. You also noticed how easy it would be for the two of you to kiss, and you could feel yourself smiling at the thought of pursuing that idea.

“I think I really want to kiss you right now,” You admitted and closed your eyes as you said your soft-spoken statement.

“That wouldn’t be a good idea,” Were the words you heard fall from Tom’s lips, but you could feel his presence moving closer to you.

You opened your eyes again and met his gaze once more. You felt yourself drift closer toward him as well. “I know.”

No other words were said, but with the way the two of you were looking at each other, it was like a thousand things were silently being spoken at once.  

Your arms circled around Tom’s neck and brought him even closer to you, which he smiled at, but neither of you decided to pull the trigger just yet.  

“We really shouldn’t,” You whispered, feeling Tom’s hands find their way to your waist. The feeling of his hands on you, even in such a minor way, was so familiar, and you could almost feel yourself melting into his touch.

“You’re completely right,” Tom responded as he leaned in, his lips briefly ghosting over yours before pulling back and meeting your eyes again.

It was almost like neither of you wanted to be the first to initiate something more intense than just the teasing behavior that was going on right then. It was like a game of “who will break first?” that you were unsure of how it would end since you knew that your mind would soon catch up to your current actions and begin screaming at you, telling you how bad this all was.  

“So I should probably leave right now,” You said, looking straight into Tom’s brown eyes.

“Exactly.”

You did the complete opposite, though. Instead, you finally closed the miniscule distance of space between you two and pressed your lips against his.  

At first, it felt familiar and comforting, and you couldn’t help but sigh in contentment as you felt Tom’s arms circle farther around you and hold you tighter. You didn’t even care that you lost the unspoken game between you both.

Your heart swelled at finally being this close to Tom again, and you tried to figure out how you managed to live for the past two years without doing this. The thought made you kiss him harder, and Tom didn’t hesitate to return the intensity.

It wasn’t until your mind finally caught up with what you were doing that you felt yourself pushing him away.

In the heat of the moment, it all felt good and right, but you knew that in the long run, the sustainment of that feeling was entirely impossible. There was way too much history between you both, an overwhelming amount of it heartwrenching, that you couldn’t help but remind yourself of.

“You were right,” You said, completely avoiding eye contact with him. “This wasn’t a good idea.”

“Y/N–”

“Don’t,” You shook your head quickly. “Please.”

Instead of waiting for him to say anything else, you walked away, ignoring his soft calls of your name behind you.

Things between you and him were over, and had been for a long time, and you continued to tell yourself that it needed to stay that way. You could not allow that abrupt and momentary relapse in judgment to change anything.

You knew you’d just end up hurting again in the end if you did.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。..·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。. .·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

let me know your thoughts<3