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honey-tea-and-cookies · 3 years ago

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Love for The Venus Signs <3

I'm in a really mushy mood, and I feel like y'all deserve some love. Starting 2022 off with positivity! Without further ado, this is what I love and appreciate about the Venus signs <3

(I apologise in advance for all the <3 I'll be doing I'm so sorry it's a habit I cannot break for the life of me)

Aries: You are so fun! You know what you like, and I respect that. I love the way you are able to decisively put an end to relationships when they no longer serve you, or are positive for you. Now, I'm not saying you aren't loyal, or you leave when times get tough. What I'm saying is that if your partner is cheating, you absolutely will dump them. If someone is leading you on, you will stop chasing. I admire your self respect. You also have really interesting taste (in a good way!). I trust you 100% for music recommendations. You are probably one of the only people where I know *exactly* how much you love me, and I feel it every day. You'll die before you let me forget it. Thank you, my dears.

Taurus: One of my favourites!!! I want a Taurus Venus to fall in love w me so bad omg. You make ABSOLUTELY sure that your partners (and other people closest to you) feel safe and secure with you. They can tell you literally anything, and you will love them just the same. There is something about your love that feels like ~a mix between kitten fur, and silk bedsheets~. I want to take you on a nice date that I've spent a month planning and SHOW YOU, as much as I can, how wonderful you are. By the way, you are so unbelievably pretty (no matter what gender you identify as). You always make the people around you feel so cared for, without being smothering. Also you have just the right amount of possessiveness to make me feel wanted, without being toxic. MWAH!!! *kisses you* <333333

Gemini: I love the way you show your love. It's very subtle, and if you weren't paying attention you could miss it. You won't necessarily tell me outright with words, or give me hugs or kisses, but I know. I know because of the way you RUN to tell me some exciting news. Or how you always make an active effort to find me and say goodnight/good morning or hello/goodbye to me. I know because of how you always make me food whenever you are making some. I know because of how you give me my space, and never pressure me. I know because of how you try (and succeed) to make me laugh, every single day. Every single action, every word you say or move you make is filled with love that you are begging the other person to understand. And it's okay honey, I do. I see you, and I love you too <3.

Cancer: I've told you how much I love you already (here and here), but it will never be enough. You are so tender. I actually believe you not only feel love, but you ARE love. You always understand how I feel, and you have always been there to listen. Even if it's literally 2am and I'm just ranting about manga or IS NOT more important than sleep. You are my greatest supporter. My greatest hype-man. Every time I see you I'm overwhelmed with emotion, and I really don't know how to express it. I would love to tell you exactly how much you mean to me, and I try, but I don't want to freak you out. Just, please know that you are amazing. I know your family might suck, life might be hard. But YOU, my love, are extraordinary. One of the best people I can think of. I am being fully serious when I say I would die for you. Not a single doubt in my mind. Also I love your fashion and makeup please teach me you're amazing ily <333333333.

Leo: You are the most thoughtful motherfuckers in the whole world. I can push, and push, and push you away but you'll always be there. You know I need you. I always will. I'll never tell you, but I miss you so much when you're gone. Like, seriously. My family is fucking *crazy* sometimes and you are the only people who I feel safe enough ranting to about them. More than anyone in my life, you know me like that. You also remember everything. Maybe not specifics, but you remember the important bits. I love your gifts. Not in a materialistic way, it's just... I actually cry every time I think of the fact that you care about me enough, that you remembered, and you went out and bought me something?? Oh my fucking GOD I love you. Also, I love the way you call me out on my bullshit. It's always in such a kind, but super blunt way. You challenge me to be better. You make me better. Thank you, a thousand times over. I will never, ever be able to truly express my gratitude for you.

Virgo: So underrated???? You are so kind to everyone. Are you that kind to yourself? You deserve love too, ya know. Stop working for a minute. Sit down. Drink some water. Seriously, please drink some fucking water. You matter. Rest, my love. Let me rub your shoulders. Lay your head in my lap and let me play with your hair. It's okay to be soft, alright? It doesn't make you weak. I pinky promise. The only time you let me in is when you *truly* cannot take it anymore. I am always thankful for that, but please let me in before that breaking point. Let me take care of you, as you take care of everyone else. Would all that be okay with you? Come lay down with me, sweetheart. Let me massage your scalp until you fall asleep, while we watch a Studio Ghibli movie. If you're sick of being inside, let's go to the botanical gardens. We'll look at the beautiful greenery, and I'll tell you that they'll never hold a candle to you. Let me pepper your pretty cheeks with kisses as I try to convey to you just how much love I have for you. Love that overflows, and is dying to be expressed. Please take it easy, and know how much I utterly adore you.

Libra: Okay so I dated one of you guys for about a year and half, so I have the most experience with you guys romance-wise (everything else is platonic unless I've said so). In fact, he'll probably read this so, hey man how's it goin! Anyway. You are not soft and mushy and ditzy than the stereotypes say?? I don't even know where that came from. Are you affectionate and sometimes PDA-y? Sure. But are you cutesy little air-heads that are obsessed with romance? Not in the slightest. Not in a bad way anyway. You are romantic in the way that you are very adaptable to your partners and what they need. They want tons of physical touch? Great, coming right up! They want space? That's no worries, as long as they text you when they can. Your priority is making sure your partner is comfortable and happy as much as possible, and you'll bend over backwards to make sure they are. You are also such good friends with your partners, first and foremost. Honestly really good S/O material, 10/10 would recommend. I'll love you always <3333

Scorpio: The most dedicated of partners. You want someone that would die for you? That would kill for you? Scorpio Venus. THEY EXPECT IT IN RETURN so be prepared for that, but absolutely y'all are worth it. First of all, your style and tastes in decoration n shit are everything, I love it. Please send me any and all design or fashion Pinterest boards you have. Second, please help me raise my standards babes I need to. I know y'all don't settle, teach me how to find a good partner please. Third, the best friends to rant about relationship issues with. You can get really deep and intense very quickly, you can just bitch, you can fit any kinda ~vibe~. I appreciate it a lot thank you. Honestly, I want more of you in my life. Everyone deserves this kinda energy. I hope you find someone who loves you as deeply and as clearly as you love them.

Sagittarius: Pleaseeee be my best friend. Also, please send me all your playlists. Babes we both know you have them. I want to watch anime with you. But like, one that's not serious (My Hero Academia or The Disastrous Life of Saiki K sort of vibe??). Let's make a secret handshake. Let's go for a drive and explore forests. Let take pictures of the pretty mushrooms and discuss whether or not it would reeeaaaally be that bad if we ate one?? (yes it would don't be stupid). Let's go clothes shopping, I really wanna hear your takes on my outfits. Text me at random, awful hours asking if I'm awake and start debating the meaning of life with me. Also, tell me if I'm being an idiot. I overthink constantly and I desperately need you to tell me to shut the fuck up. On the same note, tell me if I'm ever being ignorant. Send me articles for causes I'm not very educated on yet. Thank you very, very much. You are my best, most precious friends. I love you <33333

Capricorn: Potentially biased because this is my placement, and two of my best friend's placement, but still. I know exactly how hard it is for you to express your love. Trust me, I do. I am SO thankful for when you open up, and do tell me how you feel. I promise I feel the same. Why do you fight my love so much?? We both know you crave to know your love is reciprocated. But when I try to tell you how much I love you back, you kinda,,, don't know what to do?? Let me do shit for you, dammit! Let me make you big dorky collages of your favourite band that you won't stop talking about! Let me buy you your favourite snack every time I see it because I always think of you when I see it! Let me take stupid selfies of us! Let me give you honest, but incredibly loving advice! You make my chest all warm n fuzzy, and you make me smile like an idiot. This is what happens when you don't let me actively express my love back!! Don't be dumb, let me show you are much I adore you. Please, let me be soft with you. I love you so so so much <3333333

Aquarius: Your love is special. I mean, all love is special, but yours is in a different way. You piss me off (in a loving way). You make me do stuff that's outside of my comfort zone, because you know it's good for me. Of course, you're always right, it's never as bad as I think. But I'm still gonna fight you on it. You want me to be my very best self, and push me every day to make sure I am. Don't worry, you let me rest when I really need it. You're very good at knowing when I'm just anxious or when I'm actually too tired. I appreciate your seemingly innate understanding of people. I also appreciate how you always know what's going on in the world. And if you don't know, you sure as hell are willing to learn. I have a lot of respect for you, as much as I may not show it. You deserve more warmth than you get, though. I love you, please know that. Always.

Pisces: Kind of a soft spot for me, if I'm honest. You are so very pretty. Every single one of you. I love how cuddly you become. Just, stop thinking for a while? Lay your pretty head on my chest, and watch a funny movie or something with me. Let's just chill out, calmly in each other's soft presence. I'll bake us some cookies! You can help if you want. I'll make the dough and you decorate, yeah? Wonderful! I love the way you get into my astrology stuff with me. You'll let me nerd out about it for hours on end. You'll ask me questions about it, too! You'll watch my favourite show (Brooklyn Nine-Nine for anyone wondering) with me over and over and over again. You will give me book recommendations. You will be patient with me as I go into every crystal shop I see and read each card about the crystal's meaning (even if I already know). You'll plan our future lives together with me. Not in a crazy way, but like, we'll talk about how badly we both want a cat and what we would name it. I love you guys so much. You inspire me every day, I love you <333333

Okay everyone, this is all I have for today! I hope you appreciate my love, I spent ages pouring my heart out here. Tell me what you think! Remember to please drink some water, eat if you can, and that you are loved. Thank you so much!!!!

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ranboo5 · 4 years ago

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Techno takes I find baffling seem to be based largely on like, the predication that he sees ideals over people, but that’s not... true. That’s literally the opposite of true. That’s literally the source of the conflict with people on the server

What ppl seem to think? is that Techno’s interactions with people are informed by his anarchist ideals, when it’s the other way around. He reacts to government the way he does because he’s seen what it does to people? He’s seen it hurt him, he’s seen it hurt Phil, he’s seen it hurt Ranboo, he’s seen it hurt Tubbo, he’s seen it hurt Tommy, he’s seen it hurt Wilbur, he has evidence for it hurting Niki, and the list goes on

People keep acting like Techno’s ideology starts with “oh nooo my ideals are hurt,” which I think comes from him flipping on L’Manberg after the Manberg-Pogtopia war, but that’s because Techno clearly came in with an anarchist ethos (and pretty traumatized already; “the only universal language is violence” alone raises a lot of red flags that are all screaming “trauma”). How his anarchist ethos develops is clearly reactive and this is obvious from even immediately after this -- he sees blowing up L’Manberg didn’t stop them from starting a government, and retreats to try to take up pacifism and establish an anarchist commune in the north. He sees this fail w/ the Butcher Army and leans harder into reciprocity, and after blowing up New L’Manberg (in perceived self-defense primarily, I would argue) he decides to directly codify aforesaid ethos and develop it. And what does he emphasize when he does so? The lack of any leadership position. The fact that no member will be used or coerced. This is directly from what he’s seen government do -- corrupt its leaders with power and the search for more until they broke like Wilbur or did awful things like Tubbo, and use people like him as weapons, coerce them to take action against others against their will like they did w/ Ranboo and tried to do to Techno. Technoblade’s anarchism is clearly a reaction to his interactions with other people, not the other way around

I think another source for the “Technoblade values ideals over people” misread is the fact that he actually doesn’t value ideals and things that much, which he states, but because a lot of the fandom identifies and sympathizes with characters who do value those ideals, that disregard comes off as personal. Take L’Manberg, or the discs -- those are things that are, for better or for worse (I would argue in most cases for worse, but ofc there is nuance and that’s a different discussion anyway), incredibly sentimentally important ideals to characters like Tubbo and especially Tommy “attachments are actually the thematic core of my character” Innit, which a lot of people sympathize with. Those things aren’t people, but because of the value that characters place on them, they feel to those characters like an attack on them is an attack on an intrinsic part of their identity. This isn’t a paradigm that Techno operates on -- the closest he comes is when they form a government in front of him and he joins in the destruction of L’Manberg, but even then it’s a more consistent read that he did it in some misguided attempt to warn them. It all comes back to Technoblade caring about people, even people who’ve wronged him and whom he disagrees with -- I’d go so far as to call that a primary motivator. The problem arises when those people work on a paradigm where they care deeply about ideals that often harm them, and Techno doesn’t have the emotional finesse nor the understanding necessary to take that into account with his “warnings,” which often only end up causing more trauma in effect. That doesn’t mean he does things because he “doesn’t care” or has a “victim complex”; it just means that he doesn’t understand the sentimental and emotional importance that that kind of attachment to an inanimate ideal has. He sees people do terrible things in the name of some strange idea of a country -- how can a country be more emotionally important to them than the person being hurt? -- and when he reacts in the way he knows how -- which, because of the other trauma he clearly already has, is violence -- he doesn’t take into account the real emotional effect that losing that country has on someone, and because the emotional effect of an attachment like that is in fact really huge, especially if you, like some characters, define yourself by that attachment, those characters and people who sympathize with them can feel like it’s an attack on something that makes them human (and that leads directly into “oh Techno is inhuman!” stuff which is. Incredibly ableist because it’s literally calling someone inhuman because they interact with ideals differently and usually also ties into calling him “emotionless” for. How. The creator. Who has ADHD. Naturally emotes.)

If we want more nails in the coffin, just. Look at how he interacts with Tubbo? There’s a repeated sub-sentiment of the stuff I’ve talked about here that Technoblade only sees Tubbo as a government stand in and fails to see the person, but how Techno talks about/to him says the actual opposite most of the time. He’s gone on record saying that Tubbo is possibly a good guy but has been corrupted by his position during the RaccoonInnit arc, the one time he took a canon life from Tubbo was under coercion, and just today in the Snowchester stream as soon as Tubbo made it clear that, despite his big scary words and nukes, Snowchester was not intending to or probably capable of oppressing its citizens, Technoblade and the Syndicate decided that Tubbo wasn’t going to be a problem and never acted personally slighted, even though 2/4 (arguably 3/4 but no one’s ready for that conversation) of them arguably had reason to committing what Tubbo’s administration actively did to them. Technoblade doesn’t have a problem with Tubbo, the person; he has a problem with the position of a presidential cabinet, which he almost certainly sees (correctly) as something that was in fact harming Tubbo the person (Phil has even said as much explicitly, I’m pretty sure Techno has as well though perhaps in less direct terms, and Ranboo almost certainly has alluded to similar). Honestly all things considered Techno and co. are all being incredibly forgiving toward Tubbo (as they largely should be!!! Honestly I think their takes irt that are mostly correct considering Tubbo’s situation but I am also very very soft and will lie down and apologize about anything so)

Tl;dr: People saying that Technoblade values ideals over people actually have it entirely backwards, because - Techno’s ideals are actively reactive to his interactions with other people rather than the other way around - largely the issue is that Techno doesn’t recognize the value people place on ideals - Techno has seen the damage that those ideals + holding them has done to people which is in fact his main motivator - Techno’s interactions w/ Tubbo all point to Techno not having a problem with Tubbo the person but rather with the government position he occupied, which hurt Tubbo the person too - have we been watching the same streams

#Dream SMP #Technoblade #TommyInnit #Tubbo #Ranboo #Philza #Niki and Wilbur as well technically #obviously this is all abt the characters!!!#thank you sm if you actually read all of this #I rlly hope none of this comes off as negative toward any character I tried to b as neutral as possible #here some pumpky pie bc your epic :]#for the approval of the forum

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theperplexityoftheunknown · 4 years ago

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What is a relationship to be continued

You may ask yourself why this is Important yet it is very important! We will discuss Why they are important to your well being and what type of person you are in a relationship? I think if you take the time to read this post in its entirety and intense complexity you will have a better understanding of where you are in life and what more you can become by understanding the perplexity of every relation to man or relationship because trust me THIS BABY is going to get TOUGH.

Lets start of with the first question what is a relationship

the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.

Please go ahead and read one more time because that may or may not be the closest thing of a relationship to that you have a mutual relation and understanding of but its way, way more complex just keep reading.

Each relationship we have encountered has been determined by how we were raised Im going to refer to some quick psycho-social information coming from a study introduced during world war 2 by British psychoanalyst john bowbly, whose lonely childhood gave him a lifelong interest in the power of parenthood.

In the 1970s a test was conducted by Bowlby’s student Mary Ainsworth. She performed the strange situation test where children that's age ranged from 12-18 months were put in a toy-filled room with their mother and given a chance to play. A stranger enters and interacts with the parent and child,then mom exited the room-- leaving behind a confused and alarmed little kid. A few minutes later mom returned and comforted her toddler. Needless to say being separated from the person who feeds, protects, and tends to you is frighting for any toddler, but the test showed definite categories of reaction to that fear.

Why is this important ?

Early Attachment.

As seen above you can see that a study was conducted concerning attachment styles. It's important because it is with this information that you find out what type of relationships You are going to be compatible with. Some types absolutely do not collide but if you think this is all about “how do i form a relationship” well keep reading because its not possible for everyone.

1 Secure, when it is evident to have a secure attachment style when the parenting style was: Warm, attentive,relatively consistent, and quick to respond based on that approach the child's Baseline Emotional Status (BES) would have been happy, confident, and curious which would have subconsciously continues into adulthood with the Child’s expectation of life being: My need will be met

2. Anxious -Ambivalent/resistant, it is evident to have an anxious attachment style when the parenting style was: Inconsistent: sometimes responsive and sometimes not. The Child's BES would have been Insecure, anxious, and intensely emotional which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “IF i act in the right ways, I might earn love and my needs may be met”

3. Avioident- ,it is evident to have a avoidant attachment style when the parenting style was: Distant and Cold, or harsh and critical. The child's BES would have been Emotionally shut down which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “I can't trust anyone to meet my needs. I must meet my own needs.

Im sure your getting the idea of why this is now important

Lets looks at three statements

1 I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or doesn't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

3 i am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others: i find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than i feel comfortable being

In 1987 psychologist cindy hazan and philip shaver reported the results of the statements above they called it the ‘love quiz’

56% of adults respondents had identified themselves as secure, 19% as anxious and 25% as avoidant

The perfect combination

Secure people tend to have the most secure relationships, and a relationship needs only ONE secure partner to get that stability. With a partner who is happy to give reassurance and isn't threatened by the idea of being needed, an anxious person can relax, and is often loyal and loving. With someone who doesn't take it personally when their partner wants time alone,avoidant people can worry less about being tied down- however, most of the compromises in the relationship will likely be made by the secure partner. The real problem comes when two insecure types get together. If relationships often get messy for you, learning to recognize attachment styles and understanding how they clash can give you a path through the conflict

But then again Here comes perhaps the most perlex question i can ask? What happens in adult hood when you experience the pain and turama of a heartbreak?

What particularly does that do to each individual and how do they cope?

Do some people perhaps just shut down! Absolutely not! One subconsciously gains the ability to cope with their losses how? Lets start with:

Sexual compulsion – Relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation

I know your wondering What the Fuck where did this just turn to but trust me, or dont but you may or may not want to hear this or perhaps your brain craves the knowledge to understand and you ask yourself why your life is working in the way it is; remembemer its all in you!

I believe the first coping skill for some may be Hypersexuallity which I will refer to later.

2. I believe a conduct Disorder DSM-IV-TR 314.9 Is primary consistent with feelings of Emotional shock from a previous ‘heartbreaking’ or traumatic event.

I will explain. I'm going to refer to the diagnostic features of conduct disorder which manifest itself as a repetitive and persistent pattern in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated. These behaviours fall into four main groupings” Criteria A1-A7 aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals .

Or see criteria A8-A9 nonaggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage Or see A9 - A13, DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

It is definite that promiscuous behavior is dangerous therefore someone engaging in Criteria a1-a7 w/o aggression and associated with parts or in hole with A8-9

Furthermore the prevalence of conduct disorder appears to have increased over the last decades and may be higher in urban than in rural settings.

Course.

Individuals with conduct disorder are at risk for later mood disorders, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, and substance related disorders.

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexual disorder, is associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people.

Sexual addiction, which is also known as hypersexual disorder, has been associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people although it has not been recognized as a disorder that merits inclusion in the DSM (Quadland, 1985) – see Karila et al. (2014) for review. Originally, Carnes (1983)published a book titled Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction, which has raised interest in the area and facilitated a discussion on the best way to define and diagnose the disorder. Despite different views about pathological characteristics of sexual addiction there is an agreement that this is a progressive relapsing condition which does not merely refer to a pathological diagnosis of sexual lifestyle that is socially deviant (Edger, 2010).

Sexual addiction involves compulsive behaviors such as constantly seeking new sexual partners, having frequent sexual encounters, engaging in compulsive masturbation and frequently using pornography. Despite efforts to reduce or stop excessive sexual behaviors individuals find it difficult to stop and they engage in risky sexual activities, pay for sexual services and resist behavioral changes to avert HIV risk (Carnes, 1991; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002; Coleman, Raymond & McBean, 2003; Kalichman & Rompa, 1995). Sexual compulsivity has been associated with the number of unprotected vaginal sex acts with female sexual workers, lower self-efficacy for condom use, greater use of illicit drugs, and more financial need (Semple et al., 2010).

Cognitive and emotional symptoms include obsessive thoughts of sex, feelings of guilt about excessive sexual behavior, the desire to escape from or suppress unpleasant emotions, loneliness, boredom, low self-esteem, shame, secrecy regarding sexual behaviors, rationalization about the continuation of sexual behaviors, indifference toward a regular sexual partner, a preference for anonymous sex, a tendency to disconnect intimacy from sex, and an absence of control in many aspects of life (Carnes, 2000, 2001; Carnes & Schneider, 2000; Coleman et al., 2003; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002). Finally, some studies find that sexual addiction is associated with or in response to dysphoric affects (Black, Kehrberg, Flumerfelt & Schlosser, 1997; Raymond, Coleman & Miner, 2003; Reid, 2007; Reid, Carpenter, Spackman & Willes, 2008; Reid & Carpenter, 2009) or stressful life events (Miner et al., 2007).

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979, 1982) argued that early attachment experiences affect personal and social life, professional relationships, dealing with stress, mental and physical health and cognitive development. According to recent developments in attachment theory, those who developed a safe attachment style which is not anxious or avoidant during infancy can form healthy relationships in adolescence and adulthood and handle life problems (Uytun, Oztop, Esel & Mdusunen, 2013). Individuals with secure attachment are expected to have low chances of becoming addicted to sex since they regulate and limit their sexual activity more than those with insecure attachment (Zapf, Greiner & Carroll, 2008). Furthermore, individuals who are addicted to sex are looking for sexual activity without the need for emotional relationships and they are more likely to be characterized by avoidant or anxious attachment (Gentzler & Kerns, 2004).

Gay men are diverse with respect to the sexual behaviors they both desire and enact (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010; Sanderson, 1994). Moreover, gay men differ from other groups in their sexual behavior. Research shows that, on average, gay men have more partners, engage in more risky sexual behavior, and are more likely to seek sexual sensation than other groups, such as heterosexual men, women and lesbians (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei & Gladue, 1994; Ekstrand, Stall, Paul, Osmond & Coates, 1999; Thompson, Yager & Martin, 1993). But among homosexual men there is variability in the propensity to engage in compulsive unprotected sex. Meyer and Dean (1995) have reported that about 6% of their 149 young New York City gay men (aged 18–24 years) engaged in very high risk behavior, defined as unprotected receptive anal intercourse with multiple partners. It appears that very high risk takers are qualitatively different from other risk takers: they reported more mental health problems, including more drug use and higher levels of internalized homophobia and AIDS-related traumatic stress response. Furthermore, there are moderators of sexual behavior among gay men such as being in monogamous relationships. Also sexual health and sexual health behaviors for example sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) were most influential over the enactment of sexual behavior or desires (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010).

Few studies investigated sexual compulsivity among heterosexual and homosexual men. Furthermore, to the best of our knowledge, the relationships between compulsive sexual behavior and attachment and sexual preference or orientation have not been investigated before. We have therefore investigated sexual compulsivity and attachment style among populations of heterosexual and homosexual men and women. We hypothesized that secure attachment would be associated with lower rates of sex compulsion. Secondly, that homosexual men and women would show higher levels of sexual compulsivity than heterosexual men and women. Thirdly, we hypothesized that attachment style might mediate between sexual orientation and sexual compulsion.

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sciencelings-ocs · 4 years ago

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Gold and Silver

This is an oc fic featuring my ocs Rosalia and Artemis who are sisters, Rose has powers. Artie does not. They both work for SHIELD.

Rose was just barely used to her job at SHIELD when Hydra destroyed everything. She was happy with what she was doing. She was helping people and with all of SHEILD’s reach, she could help the people who needed her most. She had the resources to do all the research she desired and was allowed to see classified information from scientists just like her. It was a dream until it wasn’t.

She was in her lab when it happened. She was studying an Asgardian blood sample and comparing it to a human one. She should’ve been using her time more wisely… Why look at alien blood when the silent clock was counting down.

She heard the gunfire before she knew what was going on. She grabbed her emergency pistol from under her main desk, she was still a trained SHIELD agent after all. She wasn’t a field agent but she knew the basics and could defend herself if she needed to. It was something her powers wouldn’t help her with. They were useless in this kind of situation. What good was glowy healing hands when she was being shot at.

Footsteps were getting closer. There was muffled yelling beyond her walls. She didn’t have much time. There was one door, it led to the main hallway where the attackers were coming through. Her best chance was to hide.

She ran as quietly as she could to the back of the room where some mostly empty cabinets were. She hoped that she was small enough to squeeze inside. Sure, it wasn’t a good vantage point but she was on the index and they would know that she was there and that she could be a target. She didn’t want to go out fighting, there was still so much she could do. She doubted that they would take their time searching every crevice for her, she was still just a healer. It didn’t feel like that was part of Hydra’s gig.

She had just gotten into position when the main door was kicked in rather violently. There was a main man in the front who ordered the others to search the room. Rose’s heart sank. She cocked her gun in the chaos and prepared to fire and get out of there as swiftly as possible. Her chances of escaping were low. She didn’t have enough ammo to take out the whole room and she wasn’t a perfect shot. Her chances of survival were dwindling.

The footsteps were getting closer, one by one cabinet doors were being haphazardly ripped open, each getting nearer to her hiding place. She did her best to control her breathing but there was a reason that she didn’t want to be a field agent, she was not good in absolutely terrifying situations. She hated how much her hands shook on her gun. She had to keep her finger off of the trigger to prevent an accidental misfire.

She took a few deep breaths as the banging of wooden doors got nearer. Time felt like it was going so slowly, though the nearest baddie was only a few cabinets away, it felt like an eternity before they got to hers. She gently rested her finger on the trigger and let herself take a second to see who was going to be on the other side. All she saw was a familiar red badge depicting a skull on top of several tentacles and she knew exactly what was going on.

After she pulled the trigger, things seemed to get a little crazy. She slid out from her hiding place and used the man she had shot in the shoulder as a kind of human shield. She threw the poor nazi into the closest of his colleagues and shot at the Hydra agents closest to her.

It didn’t take long for them to react. The room erupted in deafening bangs and yells. Rose rolled behind a metal column and vaguely recognized a painful burning in her thigh.

“You’re not a fighter Doctor Dawn, this isn’t a fight you can win.” The main guy bellowed from behind her.

“And what do you expect me to do,” Rose hissed, “Praise the name of hydra and surrender my rights to fascist ideals?”

“Oh of course not. I just thought I’d try to make it easier. You’re coming with us, whether you’re full of holes or not. You know you’re potential has been wasted here, imagine what you could do without SHIELD’s limitations.” The man purred creepily.

“You don’t know me, I’m not going to do things just because I can. Some people have a hint of moral obligations.” Rose looked around her half of the room, she only had a few bullets left and Hydra wanted her alive, otherwise, they would’ve taken her down easily. She was astoundingly outnumbered.

“This is your last chance to give yourself up, all in one piece. You know that you have no choice, don’t you have any sense of self-preservation?”

“Self-preservation isn’t my strong suit…” Rose muttered as she placed her hand on her wound, it had stopped bleeding and was already closing. Soon, standing should be only a little bit painful rather than impossible. She just needed to keep him talking for a tiny bit longer.

“Why,” She asked, “Why do you guys want me? There are people who can cause natural disasters and turn into any material they touch. I’m just a doctor. Wouldn’t you want to use your evil resources to get them rather than waste a good team getting a defenseless healer? That is if this is a good team and not just a bunch of cowards who were given guns.”

“You underestimate your value to us. Imagine an unkillable army, soldiers who cannot be damaged by bullets, no need for armor or shields… it’s beautiful isn’t it.”

Rose laughed. She laughed as she carefully got to her feet, leaning heavily on the metal pillar shielding her.

“I can’t do that? What do you think I am? A god?”

“You could be.”

“There aren’t meant to be gods in this world. Even if it was possible, I don’t want to make an unkillable army, and if you think me a god, you can’t bend a god to you’re twisted will. I think that’s part of the whole omnipotent being bit.” Rose tested a lean on her injured leg and readied her gun.

“You won’t get the luxury of a choice.” the man said grimly.

Rose stepped out of her hiding place and pointed her gun at the main military man. Before she could let out another word, she was hit with a tiny pinprick, to small to be a bullet. She only had enough time to look at the projectile before all her strength was seeping out of her. Seemed to be an enhanced tranquilizer. She collapsed to the ground and felt a massive collar be locked around her throat before her vision completely blacked out.

Just like that, it was over. Her freedom was gone in the blink of an eye. She didn’t know if anyone would be willing or even left to attempt to save her.

***

Artemis was undercover when Hydra made their move. She had just dyed her short hair brown and curled it, painted on more freckles on her cheeks, and hidden several types of weapons in her casual clothes. It was honestly one of her favorite parts of her job. Creating a character, pretending to be someone else, blending in, she liked it more than the whole fighting part. Even if she was pretty damn good at the fighting part.

When Hydra emerged from their wretched ashes, Artemis was alone. She started the day on a mission but it didn’t take her long to realize that she was being hunted.

It started with a strange flash from a window from the apartment building across the street. Call her paranoid but she immediately left eyeshot of the window. She took out her own sniper rifle and took off the specialized scope. She used it as a kind of telescope and turned on its x-ray feature and adjustable zoom to identify if someone was after her or if she was just imagining it.

She was not imagining it. There was a person in a high window with a gun, trying their best to conceal themselves. Artemis put the scope back on her rifle and took out an acid green colored tube of lipstick, of course, it wasn’t actually lipstick. She was a spy. She uncapped it and used it to trace around the concrete on a nearby brick. There was a minute of soft sizzling before she slid out the brick as if it had just been laid.

She pointed the barrel out of the new hole in the wall and wasted no time as she aimed and fired. The loud streets dampened the sound of the bang and she replaced the brick before getting out of there before anyone had a chance to figure out that something was up.

It was on the news all day, SHIELD had fallen, they’re secrets exposed, and Hydra was back. Of course, some of that information was passed to her by an old friend but most of it was very much public.

But Artemis didn’t care about her job, her livelihood, her kill count being on display for anyone to look up on google, no. Her sister was right at the heart of it, and due to her status as a glowy super-human, she was very much in trouble, if not dead. Sure it would be stupid to not keep her alive, but Hydra wasn’t known for their mercy.

Artemis could disappear, she could get away from Hydra easily, but she wasn’t going to. Not while her sister was in their clutches.

It took a few Hydra agents but eventually, Artemis found one that knew something that she cared about. Where they were keeping the important prisoners. Their enhanced prisoners. It turned out that they had a prison boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. One heavily equipped to deal with even the Avengers. Bingo.

Artemis was ready for a rescue mission.

***

Time was odd in her cell. The lights were always on, there was always a guard outside of the glass, Roses internal clock was the only thing hinting at the time and that had always been a little unreliable. They give her food once a day, if it could be called food, and it’s time always seemed to fluctuate. Every once in a while they would try to convince her to join them. They spoke of a perfect life, of power, of wealth but she would always say no. And she would pay for it. Usually, they would fill her body with voltage or try to brand her, but she would heal before the next day. Rarely even leaving a mark. At most a gunshot would become a scar no larger than the size of a freckle.

The bulky shock collar had started to become normal. Her hair, which was normally held in a tight bun or a professional ponytail, was wild and untamed falling down her shoulders, some in front of her face. She couldn’t move it, her wrists were cuffed together, only uncuffed for meals or occasional trips to shower.

Every moment alone, she spent inside her own head. Every moment wasted in a bright blank room when she could be helping people or not being in a cell. She thought about her sister, whose whole life was uprooted at the fall of SHIELD, but Rose was sure she could handle herself, she had never known anyone more capable. Still, she was worried. Their family had been complicated, and accidentally working for the same secret organization had been the most perfect coincidence. It took a few years but they got close again, rejecting childish resentment and competition.

But Artemis wouldn’t come for her, she had never made a decision based on feelings before and was very unlikely to do so. If she came, it would take weeks at least and a well thought out attack or something of that nature.

Although since she couldn’t use her powers, they were just building up inside her. Her own healing factor had sped up just by not healing people constantly. Her power had nowhere to go after she had gotten used to using it so much during the day.

She was filled with energy that had nowhere to go. She was trapped in several ways, none of them very fun. She had to get out, no one was going to save her, they would be stupid to try.

It turned out someone was stupid enough to try. Someone so wonderfully stupid to care about her.

Against the odds, her sister was there, silently taking out a guard with ease. Her cheek was bleeding and bruised and she had the most feral look in her eyes, it was kind of scary. Artemis, who was calculating and calm at all times, who put so much thought into every decision she made, had left everything she had left to find her. Rose couldn’t help but smile.

Artemis took the shock collar remote from the guard and unlocked the cell door with a stollen key card.

“Hey Rosie, You’ve looked better…” She quipped while taking a moment to figure out which button on the remote took off the collar.

“And you’ve never looked better. I’ve never been so happy to see you come in and knock someone out.” Rose grinned.

“Yeah, yeah…” Artemis rolled her eyes and pressed a button that made the collar release a bunch of air. She gently took it off of her sister to see the deep indents that it made around her neck including the two electricity input and output spikes on each side of her throat. “Jesus… that does not look very comfortable.”

“Imagine having to sleep in it.” Rose ripped her hands from the handcuffs behind her back and gently rubbed the sore parts on her neck. Once the pressure was removed, the bruises started to heal. She raised her hand to her sister’s bloodstained face and had a record-breaking healing session. Even small wounds would take a minute or two but this time it took seconds and it was kind of mesmerizing to see the process.

“Thanks.” Artemis’ face relaxed as the pain eased.

“It’s genuinely the least I can do. I’m guessing that if you haven’t been noticed, you just got noticed so uh, can we get out of here?” Rose left the cell and took a gun from the fallen guard.

“No, I was planning on staying here forever…” Artemis grumbled. “Follow me, we have to get to the top deck.”

They almost made it up two floors before the first group of baddies came running towards them. Rose heard the frantic heavy footsteps on the metal floor before anything else and she cocked her gun. Her sister put her arm in front of her signalling for her to stop and let her deal with the problem. Rose nodded but stayed close anyway, partially because if her sister got hurt she would need to fix it and partially because she didn’t want to feel useless.

Artemis caught the group by surprise and shot the front few guys before using one of them as a shield to defend herself from the other ones. She pushed them into the chaos and rammed her knee in the crotch of the closest guy. She wasn’t superhuman like her sister but she worked hard and was pretty damn strong. She kicked the gun out the hand of the guy whose nuts she just crushed and shot the hand of the guy who was moments away from shooting her. The fight kept going like that, her being too fast to shoot at and at some point pulling out a knife.

Rose stayed out of sight and felt her blood run cold when she heard more footsteps. A lot more footsteps. They were going to get overwhelmed very soon. Even Artemis couldn’t take out so many people.

The noise in the hallway stopped, Artemis finished the fight and looked a little winded. She walked back to her sister.

“Don’t get tired yet. I heard more coming. I don’t think we can fight our way out.” She said grimly as she waved her glowing hand over the injured parts of her sister. She had taken a few heavy hits.

“How do you feel about elevators?”

***

When Artemis mentioned elevators, Rose thought about riding the actual elevator. Not climbing up the shaft with an endless drop at any slight mistake. She guessed that this was why she wasn’t a spy, it would’ve been too nice to just ride the elevator. Everything just had to be hard.

They froze every time there was a noise and spoke in frustrated hushed tones whenever they had something to say. Like how not fun climbing up an elevator shaft in a massive prison ship was.

The grumbling stopped when the elevators started to move and the elevator shaft became less of a death pit and more of a death trap. Rose had managed to get on top of one of the moving elevators and kept trying to get Artemis to come with her before it was too late. She was perched on a slight ledge far enough away from the momentarily stopping elevator that it would take a miracle to jump the gap and make it. The window of opportunity was closing fast.

“Just jump! I’ll catch you!” Rose said frantically as she reached her hand out as far as it could go.

“The fuck do you think I am? Captain America? Just go without me! I’ll catch up!”

“I can literally catch you asshole, we don’t have time for you to whine about it!” Rose hissed. Artemis wasted precious moments to roll her eyes and carefully maneuver her body to the adequate leverage to maximize her jumping range.

Then was the moment of truth. Artemis used all of her strength and flung her body at her sister as best as she could.

It was so close. For a moment, their fingers just barely touched, enough to grab at the ends. Enough to delay the inevitable for a moment.

“Go… I’ll meet you upstairs… okay?”

“No… I can get you up… just hold on…” She said desperately. Artemis was already slipping one finger at a time. Rose had to keep her other hand on the elevator, any moment it would start moving again.

“It’s okay, let me go.” Rose wouldn’t get the chance. Artemis slipped through her fingers.

Then she fell. She didn’t even scream, but Rose did. In that moment, something flickered. For the briefest of moments, in the height of pure emotion, something within Rose changed. Her eyes glowed gold, her hair defied gravity and reflected light that wasn’t there, and then it stopped. And she was left alone. She didn’t even notice the moment of glowing potential.

She was going back for her sister. The long way.

***

It didn’t take long for Rose to get caught, but that was kind of part of the plan. Kind of. She didn’t have a fully fleshed out plan but she thought she had something at least. It was kind of hard to think after what happened. Artemis could be dead… no it would take more to kill her sister. She had never known anyone more resilient and with more pure will. She was like the John Wick of spies. Someone could break both of her legs and arms and she would still find a way to stand back up and wreck shit. A stupid elevator shaft wouldn’t take her out. Hopefully.

Rose wandered around the halls. It wasn’t like there was a map of the place. She felt like she was in a daze, time was slow and blurry. Every sound felt far away… in fact… everything felt far away. She couldn’t focus. It could be the lack of food and water catching up to her but she doubted it.

She was surprised that she managed not to bump into any hydra agents, she had noticed that a bunch of the cameras in the halls had been broken or even completely ripped off. There were still bullet holes and subtle bloodstains on the walls telling her this ship used to be SHIELDs and it was part of the hydra resurgence. Right at the front lines. They didn’t have enough time to fix everything and it was unlikely that some cameras on a prison ship would be a major priority for a reborn nazi organization. They were probably still getting rid of the bodies of the SHIELD agents they murdered.

Like Artemis, sure it was a little more distantly but if hydra hadn’t emerged from the dark damp hell they came from then none of this would have happened.

The last thought made her growl audibly, which is not something she just did normally. She doesn’t usually growl like a dog. She tightly balled her fists and decided that she couldn’t just stand there to absorb what just happened, she was still in the nest of the people hunting her. She was likely moments away from being found out and captured or worse. She had to get her shit together before there was a gun to her head.

“You seem a little lost Rosie.” A deep voice came from somewhere ahead of her, it sounded like it was coming from an old intercom, it echoed eerily in the empty halls. The lights flickered a bit before blotting out sequentially, adding to the horror movie atmosphere.

“Did you really think that we’d just let you go? No… no. You’re much too useful for us.” The voice continued. Rose didn’t say anything. She followed the voice to a touchscreen lock pad in front of a metal door and she didn’t hesitate to slam her already tight fist into it. It shattered on impact and pieces of plastic and glass littered the floor.

“Well, someone’s grumpy! At least let me finish my monologue! I worked too hard on it!” The voice continued further away. Rose didn’t like being taunted. She was having a bad enough day as it was. She went to the next touchscreen pad and punched it. She just wanted the voice to stop.

“We can keep doing this but property damage won’t fix your situation.” The voice grumbled from another further away speaker.

“What do you want from me!” Rose yelled into the empty halls.

“We want everything you can give. But we are willing to negotiate. We’ll let your sister go if you surrender yourself to us.”

“I thought negotiations required both parties to agree.” She said before she fully realized what had been offered. Her sister was alive, for now. That fact was both incredibly relieving and overwhelmingly anxiety-inducing.

“That is our offer. Either she dies and we take you the hard way, or she lives and we get what we want. Simple.”

“Where is she!” Rose demanded.

“Do you accept the deal or not?”

“Yes, just let me see her, please,” Rose said desperately.

“Good choice. There are people on their way to escort you to your sister. Thanks for doing business with us.”

***

Rose was not glad to be back in cuffs and a godforsaken shock collar, but her sister was alive and would stay that way. That had to be something.

She could feel the cold metal barrels of guns at her back and neck, she was surrounded by heavily armored Hydra agents who had no qualms about handling her roughly. She tried to appear strong and defiant but she was sure that they could see her tremble. One twitch if the trigger finger and she would be dead. Probably, she didn’t quite know the limits of her healing factor and she wasn’t keen on finding out.

They turned a corner and there she was. Artemis was covered in blood and her left foot was pointing completely the wrong direction, but she was breathing and still had the sharp rage in her eyes. Right next to her was a stereotypical military man with a scar through his eyebrow and piercing his salt and pepper hairline.

“Artie! You have to let me help her.” Rose ordered at the man who she assumed had been the voice she had heard earlier.

“That wasn’t part of the deal. We let her go. That’s it. You should be thankful that we brought you to see her at all.”

“If you don’t let me heal her, you’re going to regret it.” She snarled. The man laughed, it was harsh and mocking and going on for way too long. It made Rose even angrier.

“What are you going to do? Heal my arthritis? You’re no fighter doc. She’ll be dead before you even lift a finger.” The man spat in Rose’s face, she didn’t wince and most of her energy went to keeping herself from ripping off the handcuffs and throttling the man until he turned blue. Although no one would see, a glow started to grow from the bones inside of her hands, illuminating her veins in a strange golden light.

“Underestimating me isn’t good for your health, I should know. I’m a doctor.”

“You know what, I’m sick of your attitude,” The man turned to the agents holding Artemis up, “Kill the sister. Maybe that will make this easier.” There was a click of a gun cocking before Rose reacted.

“No!” She yelled, but it was too late, the gunshot rang out and echoed among the silence and Artemis collapsed in a rapidly growing pool of blood. Rose felt like her bones were on fire, there was a blistering heat that encompassed every cell in her body. She could only hold it in for a couple seconds more. Just long enough for the man to look back at her and react in horror.

Her bones glowed like they encapsulated all the light from the sun and her eyes glowed with the same light. Her skull and veins were visible through her skin and her messy hair started to defy gravity and reflect the light coming from her skin. The supernova of rage would explode any moment, there was nothing she could do to hold it back, but she didn’t really want to hold it back.

It was like an explosion was continually off and Rose was in the center of it. There was a blast of bright golden light that blasted the hydra bastards around her to the ground. There were screams, but Rose didn’t hear them.

There’s that saying of “too much of a good thing” that could apply. Too much healing meant bone where it shouldn’t be, skin where it shouldn’t grow, holes that shouldn’t be cut off. That’s what happened to anyone in the blast zone. The agents around her had shards of bone growing together, winding and twisting as if making an intricate Celtic knot. The bone grew from ribs, skulls, femurs, any large bone grew grotesquely beyond its limits and the small connective bones grew together making a terrifying group of intertwining statues. And that was just the agents around her.

It took no effort for her to rip the handcuffs off, the shock collar was just as easy. She turned her head towards the uniformed man on the ground, trying to stumble away as his own body attacked him just by being in Roses presence.

All she could feel was rage towards this man. She was so tired of being restrained. By chains or by her own need to keep her feelings from impacting her work. She was so so tired of it. Her power was connected to her emotions and she had always had to keep them in check, but not now.

She walked steadily to the man trying to scramble away. His little rectangular glasses were broken and tilted on his nose. There was so much fear in his eyes. It made a strange scary little part of her happy.

“Just a healer, no good for fighting…” She said, her voice was different, slightly non-human sounding. As if she was speaking as some ancient god, the kind whose voice could make an entire civilization fall to their knees.

“You are right, this isn’t much of a fight.” She knelt down to look the man in the eyes. “If it was a fight, you would stand a chance.”

“Stop this!” The man yelled shakily, “I’ll do anything!” He almost sobbed.

“You will not speak,” Rose said as the skin around the man’s mouth began to close in, “You will not see.” She whispered as she made his eyelids grow together. “You will not hear.” She hissed quietly. His ears slowly grew together as she said her last words to him. “You will be lucky to be saved, but you will not know. Actually, you would be lucky to die here. I’m sure you’d never want to run into me again. You should be glad that I didn’t just kill you for what you did to my sister. If anything, be fucking grateful.”

She stood up, leaving the man on the cold ground. The room was quiet. No more screams. Only heartbeats. She didn’t kill a single person. With enough skill and time, they could all be saved. She planned to send out a distress signal, they would be found. But that was all she could ensure.

The light faded. The flaming rage began to be replaced with empty sorrow and horror. She observed the room post-rage-explosion. She had never thought she was capable of anything like this. She had never thought that she could cause such… destruction. She breathed in a shaky breath and made herself look at her sister’s body. She gasped when she saw the rise and fall of her sister’s chest. She was breathing. She was still alive.

“Artie? Artie!” Rose ran to her sister and looked over her. There was no gunshot wound. Roses blast had healed her completely. Her eyes fluttered open when her sister reached her.

“Hey… what…” Artemis wheezed, but Rose was already holding her in her arms and sobbing uncontrollably. For a while, they just held each other. Eventually, they were ready to leave.

Rose was sure that hydra agents were still crawling in the ship but they stayed away from the sisters. There must’ve been some kind of surveillance of the event. They must know what happened somehow. Rose had no idea how but she was too tired, physically and emotionally, to care.

They left the ship with no problems. They boarded Artemis’ hidden ship, perfect stealth tech that could change from a boat to a fighter jet, only big enough for three people at most if they really squeezed in.

Rose sat in the co-pilot’s seat, though she wouldn’t be any help. Her sister would be doing all the work. It was silent as they shot off into the sky and hovered above the clouds for seemingly hours. She was using the holoscreen to look at her emails and had just switched to her super-secret SHIELD account. A certain email caught her eye. Its subject line was “Job Opportunity for Former SHIELD Agents” and it was from Stark Industries. Rose smiled a little. Maybe her life wasn’t over after all.

#Rosalia Scarlett Dawn #Artemis Dawn #my OCs #marvelsona #marvelsonas #marvel oc #marvel ocs #oc writing #marvelsona fic #my writing

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danosky7-blog · 5 years ago

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8 keys towards achieving a successful career

1. Recognize what your goals are You must know your kind of person, before thinking of following a career route, . A large number of individuals go through channel their life path by devoting themselves through a well-designed pattern. The unfortunate part is, these people do not even appreciate what they do or they are not just familiar with how many other things they could do. To keep away from this hideous happening, you need to identify what your major life commitments are. Then, start going in details and make a detailed examination into what you should think about the connection between what your ambitions are and your objectives. You have to match these criteria. Otherwise, you will not be truly fulfilled with your professional life. Recognizing your goals takes some time and effort, but it is a truly important process in any successful person's journey. 2. Tailor your resume professionally Your resume is a way of selling yourself and saying "I'm good at this, good at that, and I can help by doing this and that". Well, that is why you should create a professional, good looking resume. By ensuring that this is done, you are making sure that you'll be prepared for anything that is about to happen. They are opportunities everywhere, and you should always be ready with a quality resume. I believe that letting professionals deal with your resume is a productive choice. There are some amazing services like Careers Booster or Visual CV that can take care of your problem. They can help you to create a classic or impressive visual resume. 3. Become Aware of Your Strengths

Awareness is an essential key to personal improvement. By being aware of your inner thoughts, your strengths, your desires, and your disadvantages, you can adapt your life to whatever conditions you're being put through. You'll also get many benefits as you can leverage your knowledge and wisdom for the best purposes. It's better if you choose your long term profession according to what you know about yourself. Are you a patient person? Would you be able to sit eight to twelve hours in an office working on a computer? Or you'd rather be a football coach because you're truly passionate about football and you believe you could be an efficient trainer? No matter your strengths and disadvantages, you should choose a career path that advantages your traits and qualities. 4. Be responsible for your actions The major distinguishable factor between an amateur and a successful person is responsibility. Though you may know the concept, applying it every day is the tricky part. Assume responsibility whenever things go south. Even if you’re not involved in a wrong cause, being there, previous decisions you've made (like trusting someone), All these are factors being influenced by your thoughts and actions. Start assuming responsibility for all of your actions and desist from blaming anyone for the bad choices you make. That's the worst thing someone can do. Don’t take things to heart, be calm and observant.

5. Balance your life

This is a powerful word and many of us struggle with it. I used to be one of those people who stuck to a rigid plan and, if that plan didn’t go as expected, I would easily become frustrated and stressed, usually taking those feelings out on my closest family members and friends. Then what was the point of my goal in the first place if I was miserable?

Over the years, I learned to adopt exercise and meditation in my daily routine. I continue to always have a plan and I encourage you to as well. However, I am now much more adaptable and flexible to all of life’s ups and downs. I am more aware that as I balance my commitments, I am still working toward and honoring my main goal. I may just have to flex my time differently than anticipated.

Adding more balance to my life has brought increased happiness and better health. My business time-management has actually improved (weird, huh?) and I am much more positive about reaching my own goals.

Make sure your life is balanced and allow yourself to have fun. If you are so committed to your goal that you fail to enjoy the little moments happening around you, then you are not having fun. Don’t let your goal become a pain and a negative element in your life. Think of ways to balance your life and add more fun without feeling guilty.

6. Be Committed towards a cause

Whether you are in a career or life transition, or a job search, there are decisions that must be made. You reach a junction just before you make those decisions, once you make your decisions, stay on track and stay committed.

Make a commitment towards a cause. For example, If you are in a job search, then you most likely are committed to finding rewarding work. Similarly, If you are in a life transition, maybe you are committed to buying a new home. No matter what your goal is, It is Important to stay strong and run toward your commitment (your choice) with gusto and 100% dedication.

Have a mental picture of your goal every day and put it to paper and create a to-do list of tasks you need to accomplish in order to take positive and purposeful steps toward reaching your goal.

7. Always be prepared.

Do a thorough research, before any meeting or interaction, come up with good questions or solutions to problems.

8. Take initiative and follow-up.

These are the bookends of success. Anticipate the needs of others. Use the 3 W's - What, Who and When - to clarify actions each party must take after meetings or conversations in the hallway.

#Career #Responsibility #Goals #Objectives #desires #Commitment #Balance #Professional #Resume #Actions #Cause #Success

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thesunshinedissociation · 5 years ago

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A Maria-Centric View of Our System

I realized this morning that my hope when I tell friends about our plurality is that they’ll assume they’ve been interacting with several of us and thus their feelings towards the presumed singlet will just be re-understood as towards at least several of us, if not the whole system. But also as far as I know we haven’t really told anyone how to tell us apart. So, from my point of view, here’s something of a description of each of us. (Thankfully, as far as I can tell, I have a nice spot in the system for this.) I’ll go from most to least active.

Maria: Me. Self-description is probably the hardest, but as best I can tell, I’m the one who’s best able to get desires going. Especially for pleasure. Like, whereas the others will be very lost trying to find something they want, I can be somewhat hedonistic at times. I also do get a lot done, which is good since I also have a lot of energy and a really good tolerance for being alone. Some people don’t seem to like me as much, especially after some of my more reckless decisions. (I just noticed my name is one letter away from mania...) Which has made me all the more aware of how okay I am with being alone. Also, I feel about fifteen years old inside, and it can be kinda scary at times since I still have the responsibilities of someone ten years older. I used to be pretty bad on a stimulant addiction. Lately I’ve noticed I don’t like nicotine. My drug tolerance seems generally lower. But, I also don’t have anorexic tendencies, nor do I have money anxiety. On the other hand, the others don’t love my love of candy and snacks. Nor do they always love when I go on spending sprees. Oh well. At least I enjoy myself. (The near-constant physical pain is less pleasant. As is being constantly overheated. While I’m often derealized, that’s not so bad because it makes the world less scary. I feel myself as very real, which is nice. The distorted perceptions are weird but workable. The ability to give myself a buzz without drugs is really fun.) I imagine I’m usually pretty identifiable by my energy. I’m also more concerned with my aesthetic than most of the others, but my external appearance usually ends up at least somewhat chaotic.

Natalia: The caretaker of the group. We’re really close, usually able to talk to each other at will, switch with each other almost at will, and when one of us come around, the other is rarely far away. She’s pretty protective of all of us, and has run into conflict a few times when keeping everyone away to keep us safe. Our roomates say she’s remarkably responsible. Which is fair; most of the stuff that has to get done like cleaning the house or putting food in one of the anorexic/depressive alters falls on her. Sadly, she’s not as good at having fun. But she says she’s usually content. Which, hey, if being caring is what makes her happy, that seems alright. I appreciate having someone around to keep me calm when things go awry. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if half of my coping skills were just to turn to her for help. She’s also usually pretty easy to identify by behavior alone, I imagine. Like, her primary drive is to take care of anyone she cares about. She usually keeps her appearance more tame, but it’s not super important.

Victoria: Sometimes she can feel really great, but it’s pretty fragile. On any day she’s out, there’s a good chance she’s going to crash hard. Usually because she can’t handle being alone, and will very quickly suspect that she’s too socially inadequate to carry on. She’s also more isolated in the system, especially since her falling out with Natalia and Lizzie a few months ago. (But they weren’t very compatible to start with.) I’m not sure how much she has going for her besides some attachment problems. Either her appearance will be too depressed to even wear clean clothes or else when she’s doing well socially (or when ego-inflated by other means) she’ll make herself as attractive as she can. Which makes sense given her felt need to be attractive. (Thank goodness we all reflect externally enough to keep track of all of our problems.) If you look at the DSM entry on BPD, all nine criteria fit her pretty well. Though also she’s often tormented by Natasha. Her access to the rest of the system is pretty bad; she’s especially prone to amnesia, and she’s a bit in denial, still.

Natasha: The arch-persecutor. She’s angry and violent, usually towards us. She doesn’t really trust anyone outside the system, so she abuses us to keep us safe from them. I can’t remember her fronting for a long enough period of time to really have much to say about how she acts outside. We’re learning to work with her. I hope someday she can be okay. As much as we fight, I do care about her. I understand why she’s easy to dislike, though.

Jeanine: She’s a bit farther away from me in the system so I don’t know her very well. I can see the playlist she made for herself on Spotify is totally the most unique. (We all share one account, and most of us have playlists for ourselves.) She can be way more fight-y than most. I used to think she was just basically the protector that followed Jasmine, but she’s spent enough time out on her own that I’m not so sure. (While interactions go in all sorts of directions, I seem pretty close with Natalia, Jasmine with Jeanine, and Victoria with Natasha.) She’s not as mean as Natasha, not as self-assured as I or Natalia, not as responsible as Natalia, not as energetic as me, but she is nonetheless aggressive, energetic, self-assured, and responsible. The hard rock/heavy metal section of our closet basically only exists for her.

Jasmine: The other teenager in the system. Except she’s also about as sad as Victoria. Thankfully instead of having outbursts, she’ll just glue herself to a couch and sleep for two weeks excepting when she absolutely has to get up. And even then, while most of us can pull it together for a social obligation (like, Victoria can attempt suicide, fail, and then go to work or a party or whatever), Jasmine will actually call off. Which I guess means when we actually need a break for whatever reason, she is the best-equipped to handle it. She’s also either aro/ace or close to it, so she’s useful for romantic failure. Though the intensity of her platonic feelings can be a bit much. As I write this, I’m realizing who’s going to be handling all the writing we have to do. Hint: It’s mostly me, featuring Natalia. Victoria will help when she’s not crashing. Jeanine and Jasmine are less helpful since their life ambitions are more artistic than academic. (Which is another good hint as to who’s out: We don’t even have the same long term ambitions!) I’m pretty sure she’s still the only one with her hairstyle. It looks good, so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else uses it sometimes. That said, she also easily puts the most effort into her appearance. (We make a good team, what with me having the will to buy nice clothes and her wanting to wear them. If only we got to be together more. Someday, hopefully.)

Emily: The child of the system. She’s seven years old, and she can’t talk. She also pretty much only comes out deep in the night or when there’s a fight. I imagine her childishness and silence is pretty identifiable. Everyone except maybe Natasha cares about her a lot. We do our best to take care of her, though admittedly we dream of someday someone else caring about her, too. Best I can tell, she’s stuck in a neverending flasback of trying to get help but finding nobody. I don’t know what trauma she’s holding, and I’m a little intimidated by the idea of finding out.

Lizzie: She used to be out more, I think. She wanted to get into politics and redirected our life in that direction for a bit. We all call her the bleeding heart of the group, though she’s less into the direct and forceful caring like Natalia and more into standing up for people and being a force for more widespread good. She also had quite the incident a few months ago in the inner world with Natalia and Victoria. She stopped coming out as much as Natalia picked up where she left off. Someone else will have to fill in more on her.

Olivia: She’s not out much, but also I know she feels pretty good about herself. Probably at least as good as I do about myself. She used to use our legal name, though mostly because she felt the most strongly connected with it. Like, she said for once she actually felt like that person. We realized her using that name is super confusing, though, and led people to think she’s the “core”, “original”, or otherwise the One Alter Worth Saving. Which is, on the one hand, just false. Maybe she was the first, but maybe Emily was! Or maybe I was! All being first means though is being the first one to form out of the not-yet-unified infant mind. If we ever do fuse, that will be removing the barriers between us, not destroying any of us. But that’s like putting a jigsaw puzzle together--there’s no “core piece” of a puzzle that all the others fuse to. Anyway, I don’t know her super well because she’s not very active, inside or out. So I’m tapping into stuff from like six months ago. But hey, if we do get her out, she does at least know how to handle the social professional world pretty well. Or maybe her confidence and assertiveness just works to her advantage in our current setting.

Marina: Last seen in September, she’s not out much, and she’s incredibly intense. She’s closest to me, and I don’t see much of her. I imagine if I’m in dire need of someone to unleash hell outwardly, she might pop in? She really doesn’t like the system as a whole and will actively thwart others’ efforts. I think ever since I stopped being so apathetic towards the others she hasn’t had her chance to come out, since usually we’d tag team, me taking advantage of the system and her just destroying it. Now I take care of ourselves. (Maybe someone else will have a better view of her, though. Maybe I’m wrong about being closest with her.)

Adrianna: She hasn’t been around much lately, though she used to be. Only one who had to have a name assigned to her since her self-esteem is so low she wouldn’t give herself one. (She called herself “nameless” in our notebook. And if it wasn’t clear from the Olivia paragraph, some of us are trying to actually run this system instead of continuing the complete chaos that came from having a mysterious personality roulette for years.) I don’t remember her super well. I think she’s a bit more of a pushover than anyone else, at least. Like, Victoria may get attached, but she does at least know how to speak up for herself. Adrianna is good enough at handling troubling emotions to stay functional while keeping her suffering hidden. Though she does talk to us a lot when she’s out.

Angelica: I know she exists, because she made a note of it in our notebook, but I don’t really know her. Not around much, to my knowledge.

-Maria

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elijah-hwcng · 5 years ago

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𝒾'𝓂 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝑔𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 ｃｌｅａｒｅｒ/𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝒜𝒩𝒟𝒮 ɴᴏᴡ

╰ ☀ ✧ ˖ jeon jungkook. cismale. he/him ‖ 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥 (ɪᴛ ɪꜱ) ‖ have you seen elijah hwang at the beach recently? i remember them being so free-spirited, but they seemed a little neglectful today. it must be tough going through such hard times at only 22. even then, they still remind me of aerosol paint, over-sized hoodies, lipsticks stains on coffee mugs, and open upright pianos.

basics

name: elijah hwang

nicknames: ellie, lijah, el

age: 22

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: he prefers not to label it, but pansexual and demiromantic is probably the best description

tldr

he’s a sweet boy, doesn’t hurt people’s feelings intentionally, but he’s a little flirty, a bit of a heartbreaker. he’s great at turning on the charm but gets flustered very easily when it’s turned back on him.

has a twin brother, daniel. his bio (and their family background!) can be found here

growing up in the shadow of his twin, elijah often acts out rebelliously for attention (and maybe just to spite his perfect police officer brother a little bit)

despite that, he does care very deeply for daniel - after all, they came from the same egg or whatever - and isn’t great at expressing it, but daniel is probably the most important person in his life

tw: drug abuse, gang violence, death

got involved with the wrong crowd shortly after high school - the whole gang, drugs, ‘bad guy, duh’ kinda shebang. he was with this gang for years, getting quite the reputation and a lot of illegal money, tangled with the wrong kind of people and relationships

he traveled a lot, but when he heard daniel and his boyfriend had been jumped, it was a little too coincidental with the gang initiation he knew was happening in the same area - the very initiation he, himself, had approved of

he has never told daniel that he feels responsible for justin’s passing, but he was so filled with guilt that he has since left the gang, lost all his assets, and now works as a stripper to pay off his debts. he has never told daniel about the gang, but he says the debts are from drugs - which isn’t a total lie

(also he’s in a band and plays the keyboard)

bio

alright buckle up lads here comes the details

like i said, family history can be found in daniel’s bio (bc i’m lazy) but - since daniel was obviously their mother, stephanie’s, favourite, elijah often felt inferior and would act out for attention. i’m talking graffiti, being noisy in class, the whole shebang

his other mother, michelle, was obviously his favourite. equally doting to both her sons, elijah adores her and was often glued to her side as a kid. the only time he would obey the rules was when she asked him to listen - if stephanie asked, he would only rebel further

growing up, he and daniel were quite close, even if he did resent his brother for being - well - perfect - but how could he begrudge him for being successful?

elijah didn’t work hard in school - it wasn’t that he couldn’t get good grades, but more that he chose not to, getting grades only good enough that he could stay on the cheerleading squad

NOW LET’S LAY DOWN THE LAW. my mans might be cismale, but he LOVES pretty things. skirts, red lipstick, DANGLY EARRINGS? fam u got it. he loves that pretty shit. cheerleading squad made him wear pants for competitions n stuff but by senior year you know my boy is strutting the hallways in that little cheerleader skirt and pretty pink lipstick. call him a girl tho? he’ll punch u. or his twin will punch u. he’s a boy, thank you very much, and he doesn’t see why boys can’t enjoy pretty skirts and make up too without having to identify as a different gender.

he loves music and art - can play many instruments, and has played the piano since he was little. music and visual arts were the only subjects in school that he excelled in because he enjoyed it so much. he wanted to go to college and study them further, but his grades just weren’t high enough

so, fresh out of high school and not really knowing what to do with his life, elijah could see his brother figuring things out and heading off to the police academy while he... still didn’t know what to do

tw: drug abuse, gang violence, death

had a party phase, hitting up every club he could with his fake ID. it was only inevitable that soon enough he’d get into drugs and - well - with drugs and beautiful men and women, it wasn’t long before elijah found himself involved in a gang with heart eyes for a woman named melanie who showed him the ropes

his role was pretty standard - using his looks and charisma, he quickly became one of their best drug dealers, did a great job swindling thousands of dollars out of other gang leaders and sugar daddies and mommies alike

elijah wasn’t big in the violence side of things, more on the deception and drugs side of it, but he knew that the gang he was in had a lot of that going on. melanie assured him he wouldn’t have to ever kill anyone and she kept to that - although whether or not she did something like that wasn’t something he ever knew. the two of them traveled a lot together with the money he’d gain from their deals, and while they were never exclusive, it was potentially the closest thing to a real relationship he’d ever had

he was in italy when he got the news from daniel, and the timing was too coincidental with the report he’d received from the newest members of the gang. melanie told him he was overreacting - “that’s life, baby boy. your brother is just fine.” - and, seeing her so flippant about it, barely caring that his own brother had been attacked, it finally clicked that his rebellious thing had gone too far, and that this life wasn’t the one for him.

elijah took the first plane back to new york because he knew daniel needed him. the guilt was driving him insane - he knew it was his fault

cradling his broken brother to his chest, elijah made a vow to himself that he could never indirectly cause this to anybody else, but more importantly, that daniel could never, ever find out his involvement with the gang that took so much from him

for the sake of his brother, who he loves so much despite his struggles to show it, he decided to drop the gang, drop the drugs, and do his best to turn it all around

falling for melanie was both a blessing and a curse - if he hadn’t fallen, he probably wouldn’t have been so heavily involved in the gang, but because she had a soft spot for him, she managed to pull some strings and let him leave the gang alive

it cost him all of the illegal fortune he’d made over the years, however, and plunged him into a heavy debt to melanie, which is now why....

𝒴𝒜 𝐵𝒪𝐼 𝐼𝒮 𝐼𝒩 𝒯𝐻𝐸 𝒮𝒯𝑅𝐼𝒫𝒫𝐸𝑅 𝒮𝒬𝒰𝒜𝒟

since college still wasn’t an option, and now he had experience with using his looks and charisma to swindle money, elijah figured stripping wasn’t all too different

he knows his twin would give him the money if he told him he was in debt and in need of it, but to tell him, he’d have to admit of all the illegal activity he’d been involved in and admit to his role in justin’s passing - not to mention he knows daniel would have to throw him in jail if he knew that he’d been doing more a lot more than just drug dealing

instead, he tells his brother he strips because it’s fun and to get enough money to do an entrance exam and try out the whole college thing one day and that he has a slight debt from the drugs but he’s “almost done paying it”

as well as this, elijah is the keyboardist in the band killer nuns, and is happy to at least still be doing music

he still likes to wear pretty things, although he tends to prefer jeans these days, but will still wear pretty crop tops, dangly jewelery, and make up. if he feels like dressing up, out comes the silky skirts and dresses!

(and he still graffitis his art all over buildings illegally, but he knows his twin will bail him out every time)

wanted connections

first of all, if you made it this far, congrats! let’s get to business B)

roommate; ya boy is ,, broke . he can’t always meet the rent but he doesn’t mind paying your character back in less conventional ways. he would ask his twin for money, but he doesn’t want daniel to know he’s struggling financially (taken: isaac lee)

good influence; your character knows elijah is only rebellious because he feels attention-starved - with patience and affirmation, they remind him of his favourite mother and can often convince him to tone things down

partner-in-crime; this person is a free spirit, and the two of them get into all kinds of mischief, whether it’s spray painting a building or dabbling in those drugs he decided to leave behind (taken: isaac lee) (but -- would be open to ONE more partner in crime if u rly liked the sound of it uwu)

regular client; your character knows elijah is only flirty for the money, yet finds themselves coming back every time for another taste

tutor; look... my mans out here tryna get into college. he won’t admit it but he wants to make his brother proud. help a brutha out. tutor him so he doesn’t fail his entrance exams. pls. (taken: yeri song)

gym buddy; lmao a stripper gotta stay in shape somehow man

dress up buddy/platonic wifey; note: this is a connection specifically for a female character! there is ZERO sexual desire here despite the constant “when we’re 30, we’re gonna get married and make some babies” jokes and ocassional ass-grabbing. they’re comfortable af w each other. she helps him with his make up and they go shopping together and give each other cute little fashion shows in their new pretty clothes. she’s affectionately named ‘wifey’ in his contacts list and it’s not uncommon for elijah to give her a chaste kiss in greeting and say ‘honey, i’m home’. they’ve probaly considered hooking up before but figured things would be weird and that they’re better off as friends.

hook-ups; he’s demiromantic, so he’s not gonna get a crush easily, but he likes sex and he likes pretty people so . have at him ;)

#bio #tsunamintro

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a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives · 6 years ago

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Ready for lift-off

Espionage thriller Summer of Rockets is the first screen work from acclaimed writer/director Stephen Poliakoff to draw on his own life, set in 1958 at the height of the Cold War. He and executive producer Helen Flint talk to DQ about merging fact and fiction.

As a writer and director for the screen over the past four decades, Stephen Poliakoff has been behind work that has amassed numerous Bafta, Emmy, Golden Globe and Peabody awards. The playwright, who learned his craft in the theatre, counts series and films such as Perfect Strangers, The Lost Prince, Friends & Crocodiles, Gideon’s Daughter, Joe’s Palace and Capturing Mary, as well as recent dramas Dancing on the Edge and Close to the Enemy, among his extensive credits.

Yet for all his fascination with the past – among many examples, Dancing on the Edge trails a black jazz group in 1930s London and Close to the Enemy is set in the aftermath of the Second World War – his latest series is the first to draw on his own family and life experiences.

Written and directed by Poliakoff, Summer of Rockets is a semi-autobiographical drama set during 1958, a year that marked the height of the Cold War as fear and suspicion clashed with the start of the mobile revolution and the Space Race. It was also the last time debutants were presented to the Queen at Buckingham Palace and the year of the Notting Hill riots in West London.

Stephen Poliakoff, writer and director of Summer of Rockets, pictured during filming

Poliakoff says the fact it is partly based on his own life marks Summer of Rockets out as “significantly different” from anything he’s done for the screen before.

“My first real memories are from this time – I was five in 1958 – so I could feel, even as a small child, the apprehension in the air, the feel of nuclear war,” he says. “The Russians were the enemy and yet I was half-Russian, so that made me feel an extraordinary sense isolation as a child. I was also sent to boarding school, as we see in the story, and was the only Jewish boy there. That was why I was drawn to this time.

“There’s a lot of resonance for us now, as Russia again seems to be our enemy and there is also unfortunately, tragically, anti-Semitism in Europe and it’s coming back to the UK. Well, it never goes away. But above all, it was a sense of the absolute epicentre of the Cold War; the fact nobody could be trusted, especially if they were foreigners.”

Another parallel between that period and today, he notes, is the “humiliation” of the Suez Crisis in 1958, which left Britain “a laughing stock” on the world stage. “Things have happened since I’ve written the piece and we’ve become a laughing stock for very different reasons, with people harking back to a sense of our past glories, which also plays a part in the story,” Poliakoff says. “This is not a story about Brexit or a metaphor for it, but nevertheless there are resonances in the piece.”

Toby Stephens (Black Sails) stars as Samuel Petrukhin, a Russian Jewish émigré modelled on Poliakoff’s father Alexander, an inventor and designer of hearing aids, whose clients include former UK prime minister Winston Churchill. The series also focuses on Samuel’s wife, Miriam (Lucy Cohu), and their children, Hannah (Lily Sacofsky) and Sasha (Toby Woolf). In the show, having developed a new paging system for hospitals, Samuel is is approached by the UK’s domestic intelligence agency MI5 to demonstrate his work.

Set in 1958, the series stars Toby Stephens as Samuel, who is based on Poliakoff’s father

However, it’s not his inventions the agency (led by Mark Bonnar’s mysterious Field) is interested in but his fledging friendship with MP Richard Shaw (Linus Roache) and his wife Kathleen (Keeley Hawes), who also introduce him to Lord Arthur Wellington (Timothy Spall). As Samuel’s life becomes intertwined with his mission, he is left to question how far he is willing to let things unravel for his cause and who he can trust.

It was Poliakoff’s discovery that his father had been suspected of bugging Churchill’s hearing aid, a revelation he first heard when a journalist contacted him about newly released government papers in 2007, that sparked the story behind Summer of Rockets,

“It took me a long time to think about writing it because it meant revisiting my youth and a very traumatic time at boarding school,” he says. “I also tend to write slightly away from my immediate family experience because I find it easier to invent like that. But, after quite a considerable while, because the story kept haunting me, I broached it to the BBC.”

His father’s work, he explains, is truthfully reflected in the story by his hearing aids business, the deaf workers he employs in the factory and his invention of the paging system, which he created for St Thomas’ Hospital in London.

“But I always saw that as a jumping-off point for Keeley’s side of the story,” Poliakoff continues. “My father was besotted with everything English; he was a real anglophile. He was a Russian Jew but he wanted to be an English gentleman, so there’s the story of him being involved in this English upper-class family who have their own darkness and trauma hidden away in a magnificent house. They have charm and grace, they entertain people, but this covers a deep unhappiness.

“My father would have loved to have been entertained in such a house, so that was what led me from that jumping-off point for the fictitious side of the story, but it’s based on the sort of things my father loved and was attracted to by English life and aspired to. The story curve shows Samuel learning that he doesn’t want to be the perfect English gentleman.”

Bodyguard and The Durrells star Keeley Hawes plays Samuel’s wife, Miriam Richard’s wife, Kathleen

Through the first episode, the story is laid bare against the backdrop of rockets being launched and rising anxiety over what might lie ahead, coupled with the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder that stem from the still-raw fallout of the Second World War. Samuel’s technological achievements also shine a light on how industry was set to move forward rapidly over the next decade.

“When you have six hours of television drama, it’s a big canvas. The joy of longform is that you can build a complex world and you can delve deeper into character than you can in a two-hour movie,” Poliakoff says. “It’s great to try to be ambitious when you’re given that length of screen time.”

Helen Flint, MD of Little Island Productions and Poliakoff’s long-time producing partner, admits the writer’s outlines need very little development as they are often fully formed, “very detailed and very ambitious” by the time she becomes involved.

“The thing is to identify where and how you’re actually going to make it happen,” she says. “Both of us have been around far too long. Therefore, between us and the heads of department, we can work out how to put this on the screen, which is our craft.”

With all of Poliakoff’s work filmed on location, the first task on Summer of Rockets was to find the house belonging to Richard and Kathleen Shaw, which is a constant presence during all six episodes. They eventually settled on Benington Lordship, a grand setting close to Stevenage, 35 miles north of London, which is notable for the Norman keep adjoining the 17th century house and expansive gardens.

Catastrophe’s Mark Bonnar plays the head of MI5

“The other important thing was when to film it, because getting lucky with sunshine in this country is not a given – so the schedule is everything,” Flint says.

Finding London streets that could double for the time period also proved problematic, with the slums of Notting Hill in 1958 far removed from the affluent neighbourhood it is today. Another set piece saw a queue of 1950s cars lined up along The Mall, leading to Buckingham Palace, which was filmed early in the morning to avoid the crowds of tourists usually occupying the area.

“It takes a huge amount of work, more work than anybody would imagine, weeks and weeks, and then huge amounts in post-production just to paint out silly lines and stuff like that,” Flint says of filming in London. “After that, it’s all of the countryside, the driving [scenes] and the minutiae. But because we’ve got a cast that is working all the time, we have to try to jigsaw them all in, which is very complicated at certain points. Once you have those actors, the schedule is dictated by that. Then other problems come to the fore because if they’re not available, you can’t do the locations. London exteriors are the hardest, and then piecing it together is a massive jigsaw.”

In some cases, however, the reality on which some of the series is based was too extreme to be dramatised. Poliakoff decided to tone down scenes where Sasha is at boarding school, as his own experiences at school were too “draconian” to be depicted exactly as he remembered.

Summer of Rockets debuts on BBC2 tomorrow

“When I started writing it, I realised it had to be more interesting and more inventive than the actual thing I experienced, which in reality was relentlessly grim,” he says. “A little bit of that was fine, but I didn’t think an audience would stand for that being repeated in each scene. So, oddly enough, the bit that was closest to reality was the most difficult to write.”

The series sees Poliakoff reunited with Stephens, who starred in his 2001 family reunion drama Perfect Strangers, while this was his first time working with Hawes despite having known her since she was just 19. “She starred in my wife Sandy Welch’s adaptation of Our Mutual Friend 20 years ago,” he recalls of the actor, who has recently starred in Line of Duty, The Durrells and Bodyguard. “I’ve known her for some time and we’ve always wanted to work together. She’s phenomenal in her role, which is a really very juicy role, so I’m thrilled. I think she gives one of her greatest performances.”

Following Summer of Rockets’ launch on UK pubcaster BBC2 tomorrow, all six episodes will be made available on the pubcaster’s VoD platform iPlayer. The drama is distributed internationally by BBC Studios. “‘Bingeable’ is not the prettiest word but, actually, I think my work was born to be binged,” Poliakoff notes. “People over the years have always told me they’ve sat down to watch something like Perfect Strangers, which is only four hours long. They tend to watch the first part and then they’re there four hours later.

“So I very much hope the story has that effect. It does have quite a powerful story that gathers and evolves and changes. It’s great for people to watch it in a linear way or in an immersive way. Either way, I hope people will really get into it.” - Michael Pickard (Drama Quarterly)

#toby stephens #this writer got wrong with kelsey's name #it is kathleen not miriam lol #jeez #summer of rockets #interview

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madamrogersstorytelling · 6 years ago

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Fan Fiction Ask Game

@suchatinyinfinity tagged me some time ago, and since I really couldn’t decide which ones to answer to, I took all of them! Yes, I really did. Worry about me... This is going to be a long post, so I’m putting everything under the cut and tagging some of my fellow writers at the bottom. I also am going to answer with all of my fics and not only one of them, that way you can get more perspective.

Thank you for reading!

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

I’m not going to answer about how I named one fic, I’m telling how I usually name my fics. Most of them get their titles if I listen to a song and it has a nice name or a line, sometimes I read quotes or just think of a word and taste it for long enough to decide could it be the title. Sometimes I read the piece before naming it and decide a line it has as a title; this can be seen in most of my drabbles. The title can be found. With my current series Aura, Of New Beginnings, You, Dark Passion Play and I’ll Make a Man Out of You; they either got their titles from the names of the characters, aspects of the story or songs.

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Actually, You. Not all of it, but most of the first chapter is. I took some artistic freedoms to describe some things but it indeed is inspired by my very shitty day during last December. Some of my friends know about this, it was horrible. But the young man at the stoplights (who looked really different from Ben but still) still inspires me very much.

C: What member do you identify with most?

Member... This question confuses me, all in all. I identify with a lot of things and can really tell you as soon as someone tells me what kind of a member this question is searching for haha.

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

I don’t really do playlist for my stories, I listen to whatever I feel like. Sometimes I want to listen to one specific song during one scene. It really depends.

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

I’m bad at sequels. And most of my fics are not even ready, aka they’re series that will go on and on. But! One fic that possibly could have a sequel one day is Irresistible. It’s one of my favorite pieces of my own fics and it would be fun to see did the reader really catch him or not ;)

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“The knife?”

“That was Reep…”

“The apples?”

“No, I didn’t touch your apples…”

“Someone ate them while I was picking up those flowers I gave you.”

Caspian shook his head, still humming his laughs.

“Apples don’t walk away, Caspian!”

He showed you his hands as if he was surrendering. “Maybe not, but it wasn’t me.”

You pouted. “If you have to say it, you’re not telling the truth.”

“Maybe you didn’t have any apples with you on that day? I don’t remember seeing any.”

“Yeah, because you ate all of them. I was away for ten minutes!”

“Okay, I just might have eaten one…”

King of Thieves, Caspian/Reader

I think this is really sweet. I had so much fun writing this and it can really be seen, I think. I’ve always struggled with real-like dialogue, as I’ve told countless times before, but I think that with this drabble, it became quite real after all.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

It depends, really. I usually write from start to finish but if I suddenly get a scene in my head, I write it down. It’s easier for me to write from start to finish, that way I can stay on track and don’t lose the balance of what I’m doing.

H: How would you describe your style?

Someone once said I have noticeable style, something that is... part of me. I guess I like descriptions? I use a lot of adjectives and different kind of sentences; long and short, both to describe and rhythm the story a little. I also like beautiful words very much haha. My style may be a bit dreamy and I like to go slowly more than quickly. Sometimes I speed things up a little, only to tell the more meaningful parts but all in all, I think I describe more than use dialogue.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Haha! I truly do have! Especially in writing. I love to use quotes and song lyrics in my stories as dialogues, parts of them. It’s really funny for some reason. When I read, I don’t think do I actually have a guilty pleasure. Hmm... I don’t think I have?

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

Goodness! Well, ok, let’s take Irresistible again...

Billy either left without leaving a single note or... Maybe he didn’t leave at all? I almost wrote that he stayed but... Then I thought of the note and I let that come to the story. Well, we can always play ;)

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Something that had to do with Billy having to kill the reader either because the death was inevitable or because he had been told to. I’ve tried to think of this but as I have felt a bit bad myself, writing angst hasn’t really been on the top of my mind right now. Maybe one day?

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Sometimes more and sometimes less. I often read it twice; once right after reading and then I let it be for a moment, I got to eat or take a shower or play with my cat for a while and then come back to read it. You kind of become blind to your own text; I still have typos, I’m not saying that but it’s easier to see everything that needs to be corrected or revised before posting. Once or twice, usually.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Not more than I will never probably get it done because I keep getting stuck haha!

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Not at the moment. Even though, I always love to see people writing something I’ve talked about with them.

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

The plot, usually. The characters come with it. While writing fanfiction, I kind of have some characters “ready to use”. The reader creates itself. I try to describe them as little as I can, so everyone can relate to them, which is why I go with the plot and not with the characters. But with something like Aura I try to get the plot with the character or the other way around.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

I’m more like “one rose is my whole garden” type of person. I make some plans and write down some important plot points but for me, planning the whole thing from chapter to chapter and all the way to the ending kind of means it’s written already. Then I don’t even write it. So, I try not to let my ideas die with something like this but every time I get some important plot points in mind, I write them down because I’d forget them otherwise.

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

I have nothing against them. Collabs are just fine. Although, they can get a bit hard, can’t they? You need to have very profound talks about what you want to write and what should happen and all. It can get stressful. But it would also be very interesting thing to write! I’ve actually talked about one of these with one person once.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Sure. And I think that to be a writer, you have to have influences. You know what I mean? To see different ways to do some things and how the person X does this thing - but the person Y does it differently, so I’ll do it like this. You know what I mean?

The people I’m going to tag (also the one that tagged me) all have some kind of influence on me, in good.

My favorite writers, I’ve tried to learn something from them. Stephen King, Marcus Zusak, Joël Dicker, Tolkien, Rowling, Lewis, Wynne-Jones, all of them.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I’m not good at this trope thing anyway, I think. I don’t even think about them too much. But, you know, I just opened a list and I definitely can say that there are some I reallyreallyreally like hahah!

Shapeshifting is always nice, all kinds of AUs are really close to my heart, crossovers are fun, timetravel, fix-it is my go to... I have quite a lot of these!

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

Hmmmpf... I don’t like to say I don’t stand something, these are just things I’m not exactly a fan of.

I’ve always been bad at anything that has to do with comedy (I’ve only recently learned to live and watch comedy films, I used to hate them a few years back), so maybe... crackfics? Ok, good crack makes me cry my eyes out because I’m laughing so much but it’s pretty hard trope for me.

I’m also either so decent (or at least try to think I am, which is a lie, I’m far from it haahah) or old-fashioned that I’m very bad at PWP as well.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@padfootagain she writes so good fluff! You can always trust that whatever she writes will cheer you up - and I often read her fics if I feel a bit down. She’s also one of my closest friends.

@something-tofightfor I love her way to tell the stories, her characters. I enjoy her style a lot. And she is also very cute human being.

@banditthewriter quite a lot like with the previous. I like the way she develops her stories and characters and always gives us something to wait for. She also seems so nice and genuine as a person. We don’t interact much but I still appreciate her a lot.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Whoa, this is hard... This is really hard because most of the fics I read already tell the stuff I’d tell in prequels. Maybe sequel... To @padfootagain‘s A Recipe For Love, to see the life of Caspian and the reader. But I don’t even dare to touch that masterpiece!!

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

Both are fine. I like prompts a lot, they help me but sometimes they also set me a trap haha! I tend to use more general ones myself and I’m fine with that. But if I find a list of some more specific ones and find it inspiring, why not?

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

WHAT?? I hate to make any character suffer!! Ok, I’m a mascohist so maybe a bit but... No, that tells that I like to make the reader suffer? Because I’m not a sadist (even though, some of my friends might say so, they always say I’m killing them, so...).

Y: A character you want to protect.

Caspian. Ryan Brenner. Steve Rogers. Billy Russo. Yes, you read right - Billy might not need my protection, but I’m doing it anyway. Paul “Jesus” Rovia is my dearest and I’ll fight for him. Tom Ward. Magneto. Athelstan. Sirius Black. Sam Winchester. All my actor babies. There are so many of them, they’re all my babies, I want to protect all of them!! (Logan, don’t look at me like that - yes, I’m protecting you too.)

Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate?

... I hate the fact that every time I watch a movie or a show or even read a book, it’s 100% sure that my favorite character dies. Or if not 100&, then at least 85-90%. But, the happy thing is that most of the characters are not killed in fanfiction! I can read deaths, yes, but... They’re not nice things to read. I can also write deaths, still not my fave things to do.

Want a list of these characters? Sirius Black, Billy Russo, Logan Delos, Kili, Fili and Thorin, Steve Rogers or any of the Avengers (don’t come at me, I know we all have been thinking about this)... This list could go on and on.

Tagging: @padfootagain @jennareedus @carol-damn-vers @something-tofightfor @dylanobrusso @suchatinyinfinity @whostheblondegirlwriting @loriwrites @breanime @princerussoand everyone else who wants to do this. Sorry for the double tags.

#i was tagged #tagged #on writing

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shawnpyfrom · 6 years ago

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SOME MORE TO SHARE...

I just read the news about Anthony Bourdain. And since this seems to be a fashion of mine, off I go…

First, I’ll acknowledge the impact Mr. Bourdain has had on my life. His show, No Reservations, was not only a favorite of mine growing up; but it’s among the few things that has inspired my love for travel. I’ve been to a number of places, I never would have traveled to, at the result of his intelligent and mellifluously articulated recommendations. Many of those words have compelled my movements. And I owe a prodigious amount of credit and gratitude to him for helping to shape something that has, now, become so much a part of me. His influence reached beyond my television screen. If not for my travels, I would not be the person that I am.

When I was stuck in one of the worst cycles of depression I had ever experienced, I found myself moving to Paris at the end of 2016. Something I wouldn’t have done without the impetus for travel - that Mr. Bourdain helped provide me.

I had found myself sucked backwards into the pull of my depression. And the anxiety of being without an outlet to express myself. After my open letter about addiction, I found it tougher to get people to meet with me. It seemed my openness about being an addict had left people to question my reliability, when it came to work. At the same time, I was in a relationship that held physical distance - she lived in New York, while I lived in LA. I felt incredibly alone, unwanted and misunderstood.

At the same time, I wasn’t working a program - I didn’t set up a failsafe. I only knew one way to quell my darkest feelings. So, consequently, I relapsed. That put incredible strain on my relationship. I put her, and my family and friends, through incredible strain. Something that I now consider to be unbelievably unfair to them. When my, then, girlfriend had attempted every last measure with me; she decided she had to walk away. Which left me with a grief I had no tools to deal with. My proceeding actions were nothing short of appalling.

I put a belt around my neck. I swallowed most of my pills. If it weren’t for my roommate, mother, father, and the girl who had decided to leave; I wouldn’t be here. They all rushed to save me - and did. I’m ashamed of my actions, and where they lead. I still carry an unimaginable guilt, for the way I inflicted pain on all of them - and so many others who became aware, after the fact. There was no reason for my response. But it was lead by my illness - and not me. Something I only know, now, with clarity.

After several months of grief and hard work, I found myself getting back on my feet again - with a new understanding of myself. And with much more caution. My ex-girlfriend continued to speak with me, despite her own grief and blame over the situation, and after a while she gave me a second chance. That, along with the help of my friends and family - the support I received over several months - is what kept me going. They continued to save my life. Through my toughest moments, they were there. I had made my issues glaringly (and unnecessarily) obvious, after staying quiet for far too long.

After being together with my ex, for months, she decided to leave again. Despite my being back to healthy, she had decided that knowing me was far too much for her. I was devastated and confused. I didn’t understand at the time… but I do now. With even more time, and clarity, I recognize the immeasurable pain I must have put her through. And I don’t blame her for leaving again. She had to take care of herself. But, with that… I moved to Paris.

There, I met several people who surrounded and supported me - while staying in contact with several others back home. I told people my story, and they listened. They were there for me. They understood me. And as time has gone on, I have stayed open. I have told people, as I started to feel my depression creep in. Staying open, has helped people understand where I’m at and how to help me. It has helped people to know when I need help, and validate me when I’m doing well. I continue to build people around me who know me - always. And I now have a program. I am constantly working on myself - and will for the rest of my life. I’m doing better than I ever have before - but I’m one of the lucky ones. I know I will never be “safe”, but at least I’m protected. And I have a failsafe if I want it. And I do, now.

So I find myself feeling even more identified with Mr. Bourdain after his “apparent suicide”. And let me preface by saying that this is no assumption about Mr. Bourdain… But I have suffered from anxiety and depression for almost as long as I can remember. I started having panic attacks at five years old. My parents have recalled moments where I would gasp for breath and tell them I couldn’t breathe. I recall those moments too. I can remember moments where it felt like I was being sucked backwards into a dark and endless void. I can remember feeling the weight of gravity on my body, and trying to fling it away. At five, six, seven years old. There’s no real reason for why a child should be feeling those things, aside from the explanation that there was something, chemically, imbalanced. An imbalance that lived in my mind. An illness that is mental.

My addictions stem from that. They are an extension of my anxiety and depression. Something I didn’t discuss in my first open letter. I have felt the impact of those words, I shared in the past - along with the condition itself. I have been judged, criticized and given less opportunity for sharing about my personal afflictions. But I wouldn’t take it back if I could. That letter didn’t just help thousands of people - that I heard from and, perhaps, didn’t - but it also helped me. I took ownership. And it helped me as much it helped anyone else. This letter is no different. Because the better we understand one another, the easier our lives become. So I must make it clear that this letter is just as much for the people who don’t suffer from mental illness and addiction, as it is for the ones who do.

I don’t blame anyone for the way I’ve been judged. They are not at fault. No one is. We are still ignorant to the reality of mental illness, despite our present attempts at awareness. We are only now beginning to wake up to that reality. We are starting to take interest, and show compassion - display empathy. But we are still unaware. So I can’t blame anyone for a stigma I, and many others, still carry. Because how can we know what we don’t know? How can we understand what is still so complicated?

On a personal note (as this is, obviously, very personal), I appreciate the attempts of all that try to understand - whether it pertains to me, or not. When I read articles and posts from, and about people who have overcome their mental illness or share about their suffering; I feel encouraged. I feel understood. I applaud and cheer for those who have the courage to discuss and elucidate the reality they live in - when their minds have been overwhelmed by the fear of it’s darkest corners. My friend, Colton Haines, has done this beautifully. As has Zelda Williams and many others. They are some of the many who have influenced my decision to open up this conversation further. And whether this letter reaches many or just a few; the message I’m attempting to convey is important. Because it’s about openness and understanding; that which is misunderstood.

Mental illnesses, like anxiety and depression, are incredibly complicated issues that I don’t have the words to fix. My words can only help others understand mine, and compel a conversation that points to support. Support is one of the more important treatments for anxiety and depression, in my opinion. Without it, those afflicted will only fall deeper into it’s void.

That said, I recognize the complications those face who aren’t afflicted by it’s immediate pain. It’s tough. I’ve experienced it firsthand with friends who suffer from mental illness. And I’ve witnessed the suffering of those, that are closest to me, at the hands of mine. I can’t stress enough how complicated I know this issue to be. But if you have the strength; deal with it. Because, at the end of the day, it’s tougher to deal with the impact of someone who has decided to take their own life.

I’ve been lucky enough to have the support I need, at times. And I’ve been fortunate enough to have friends and family who have picked me up, when I could no longer carry myself further. But I have pushed many out of my life, at the result of my illnesses. People I am, now, in the process of apologizing to. My illnesses have hurt more people than I can count. People I still love so deeply, despite their moving away from me. Because I see how hard they tried before they couldn’t anymore. I have the clarity now to see that. It is the source of great pain for me, knowing how many incredible people I have lost. But almost more-so, because they’ve been hurt by something that isn’t me. I am not my mental illness, and I am not my addiction. Knowing that, has helped me live with this. But I am fortunate enough to gain strength and understanding through all of that, while many are not. And to let my past guide my decisions now.

However, I know how difficult it is to say something when you’re living in and alongside it. It’s a challenge that I don’t consider light. But suffering in silence is what lead to my destruction. So I encourage you all to help and be helped. To find the strength to say something. Talk about it. I understand all of you. I understand the ones who suffer from the imbalances, and I understand the ones who don’t. This shit is complicated. And I know it.

And I know that my letters have a tendency to ramble. To jump and move around to topics that are directly related to me, and then address the broader extent of those issues - as they relate to others. But it is only compelled by my desire to understand, and be understood. Something, I know, we all yearn for. I just have the propensity to explain more, sometimes, as a precautionary measure. As a way to prevent misinterpretation. To over-explain, rather than not explain enough. I write in stream-of-mind - with a stream that is a bit cluttered. I hope you stay with me here… And especially since this letter points to understanding; I want nothing left short.

This is something we can all do something about. We can all say something. We can all speak to that friend who’s beginning to withdraw. We can tell them how much they mean to us. We can acknowledge how special they are. And we can validate and acknowledge one another, and all of our singularities. We can speak up. We can seek help. We can try to understand each other. And we can start to understand that there’s an awful lot that we don’t understand - and give space for that. We can go a bit easier on ourselves and others. And understand that we’re all human. This is a human condition, that requires some humanity - but it also requires action…

I’ll end with this… we live in an age of social connection, where our friends and others live in our pockets. We have the ability to reach one another more than we ever have before. So perhaps the next time we reach down to check on our friends (and the people we follow), why don’t we take a moment to think about the one who hasn’t posted in a while. Or the one who is posting that photo, which seems a bit off. Or the one we haven’t talked to in a long time. The one who is showing signs. And send them a friendly message. Let’s keep starting a conversation.

With so much love and understanding,

Shawn Pyfrom

#open letter #openness #anxiety #depression #mental illness #addiction #honesty #sharing #support

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ssironstrange · 6 years ago

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about me

so because i haven’t done one of these since i hit like.. 100 followers? and i don’t feel like digging through my shit to reblog it again, and i’ve gotten a few personal asks...

i go by moki. a select few of you know my real name and i don’t mind yall using it when talking to me one on one, but moki has been my moniker for the last 20 years give or take and i highly prefer it.

i’ll be 30 in october (and high-key freaking out about it. rip.)

i really, honestly, truly do not care what pronouns you use for me. the closest thing i identify as is genderfluid. i’m biologically female and present that way most of the time just because i’m 1. lazy 2. live in one of the most conservative states in america and 3. extra lazy and just don’t want to Deal With It. but personally i feel pretty androgynous so whatever you feel comfortable calling me is fine by me.

i’ve never known wtf to say my sexuality is so i just file it under generic queerness. consenting human adult who is not related to me is my sexuality. there you go. i’m also polyamorous with a non-poly s/o and we’ve been together for 9 years. with that in mind please don’t get all weird with me. i’ve yet to have that problem but hey, never know.

i’m super open minded. very few things are off limits for me to talk about. tmi doesn’t exist with me. i’ll talk to you about weird sex stuff, i really don’t care. i’ll talk to you about mental illness. i’ll talk to you about your daily boring life. i don’t judge and i will always try to be supportive in whatever way i can. if you need to vent just hit me up. don’t even need to ask. just rant and bitch at my dms as much as you need to!

i have pretty severe ADD and it was only diagnosed a couple of years ago and it’s been a royal fucking bitch trying to treat it. i was doing pretty well on adderall but i built up a tolerance and can’t go any higher with it. on vyvanse now and i really don’t like it. probably won’t be switching to anything else anytime soon though. going through med changes is just so exhausting. and expensive. so, yanno, sometimes i can be spacey af while other times so fucking hyperfocused on something i can’t shut up about it.

also went from your basic general depression to severe major depression in the span of like 2 years and tbh i’m still very slowly crawling my way out of it. fucking ironically tumblr has really helped with that LOL i spent my entire life around toxic, abusive, and negative environments so those are like the last thing i ever want to be. thus, i try to stay pretty positive. i cope with humor, too. so yeah, despite my cheerfulness and joking i’m usually pretty down.

got that hella bad anxiety on top of it all. most of mine is social anxiety, but in general i’m a pretty fuckin anxious person. coupled with my add my mind can be a terribly loud place sometimes. those two also give me some baaaaad insomnia every once in a while.

and like all that wasn’t bad enough, i’ve also got pcos and all the wonderful imbalances that come with it.

i never get enough sleep. my usual is 5 hours a night. about once a month i’ll sleep for like 20 hours straight. super not healthy but i can’t help it always. tired is my state of existence.

i’ve been in various medical fields for like... 8ish years. jobless currently as of last week but w/e i’ll find something soon i’m sure.

i have 4 cats. i love cats. i’m that person that cries when they talk about how much they love cats. i’m wearing a cat shirt right now. in cat pj pants. with two cats sleeping next to me. i fucking love cats. kittens are my weakness. had 5 cats, but in january we very suddenly lost one of them to either viral meningitis or brain tumor (most likely tumor since the others didn’t get sick. i didn’t want an autopsy done) and tbh i’m still not over it. i honest to fucking god love them like my children, more than i love most other people. it felt like a part of me died with him and i miss him so much every damn day.

i’ve been told i come off as confidant on here?? lmao thats so far from the truth. i have so little confidence. what i do have is an enormous lack of fucks to give about a lot of things - one of the only perks of getting older i’ve found. i’m quiet and weird and super self-conscious and awkward and i legit only have like 2 irl friends bc i don’t make them easily. i don’t like talking - like with my voice. i’d for real be mute if i could.

music is super important to me. theres only a handful of genres i don’t like. i’m basically listening to it constantly.

anyway, there you go. some stuff about me. enjoy i guess?

#personal #long post

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doorsclosingslowly · 7 years ago

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disjointed notes about nightbrothers, sexual orientation and gender, since i’m apparently posting background reasoning today

[content warning for rape and transphobia, as was to be expected considering the canon information i’m extrapolating from]

my basic model of how nightbrother/Nightsister society works is:

a child is born. if She is a Sister[*][**], She is raised by Her Mother; if he is a boy, he is returned to his father’s village. he’ll be raised in the house his father belonged to, usually; occasionally, the Sister talks directly to the village elders, who then give the boy to his brothers by the same Mother; boys will also be taken in by other nightbrothers, if there is no identifiable blood relation. this happens too if a young boy loses his brothers later on. they’re mostly raised communally anyway: they are all each other’s brother. that’s what they call each other. direct blood relation is a difference of degree, not kind. they work together, keeping each other alive and paying tribute to the Sisters. (the Sisters keep detailed records of who is related to whom, but they do not share.) (this is basically the settlement that wrath reached with the Witch in the stories: allow me to raise my child. allow me to hold him, if only for a few years. obviously, it’s been twisted--now: give my son to my brothers. the father does not return.)

when a nightbrother has reached late adolescence, he will be made to stand in the square, for the Sister to choose--if She wants--to participate in the Trials. in the fight that follows, most injuries are not lethal, and the losers crawl back to their brothers to heal and stand in the square once more

when a brother proves his strength and remains the last man standing and is chosen by a Sister as a mate, he leaves with Her and lives in her own home and becomes Her personal servant. he sires Her children. he is totally isolated from his family, from other men, and from other Women. the degree of cruelty is Her choice.

some brothers are sent back, eventually, like stinger who shut down emotionally. the Sister who took him didn’t want to lie with someone who was as lively as a corpse, and She didn’t want to kill him. brothers who are returned become the elders of the village. (savage thinks: He needs to get out, get back alive, get back to his brother, and he will never see him again if She sees his abject fear. Because nightbrothers do come back sometimes from their trials, callous ones and kind ones and small ones and tall ones without rhyme or reason, limping home from the Sisters and falling into drink, and Savage has always wondered at the Elders calling their return a kindness. Calling their own survival merciful, when they have grown hard and cruel for it. and he’s kinda right: they are deeply traumatized, and all too often, they cannot forget the fate that awaits all the young brothers around them. they look at a young boy and see a corpse.)

alternatively, if a Sister tires of Her mate--or has too many sons and doesn’t like Her Sisters’ judgmental looks--She kills him. She might then take another.

i think savage is aroace, but in-universe, i don’t think any nightbrother has a concept of sexual orientation remotely comparable to ours. sexual orientation implies agency: conversely, why would it matter whether you are attracted to women, when it is your duty? when you cannot escape?

there are many nightbrothers who have sex with other nightbrothers, for reasons including sexual attraction and love and affection and the wish to share all their lives forever and the desire for closeness, and some that don’t, but:

it’s not an identity. also, notice this makes no reference to women whatsoever. there’s wanting to sleep with other men, and there’s not wanting to sleep with other men. nightbrother society (and Nightsister society) are pretty much exclusively homosocial. friendship, choosing to share your bed, rivalry, intimacy--that’s what you have with another nightbrother. cross-gender interaction is intensely regulated and unequal. it’s difficult to have a deep relationship with someone so far above (or below) you, and a nightbrother cannot refuse--cannot be honest to--a Nightsister. if there are man-Woman couples that genuinely care for each other, they’re looked at askance by both societies. (also it’s still dubious consent at best.)

nightbrothers do not see sex with men and sex (rape, though that’s not how they see it) with Women as acts belonging to the same category. being chosen by a Sister is mating, breeding, terrifying, duty, purpose--ultimately, death--whereas sleeping with nightbrothers is choice, a fact of life. bisexuality would be the most fundamentally incomprehensible sexual orientation: the idea that there is a word thats put those two actions together is as if there was an adjective for ‘likes bicycles and grass’. why those two things?

w/r/t gender -- physical appearance at birth ≠ gender ≠ exclusively man or woman ≠ presentation ≠ something immutable and so on and so forth, but to the nightbrothers there is no distinction. gender is a caste, inescapable, the most important fact about you, and it governs your whole life and decides whether you are slave or slaver. (Savage is caught, for a moment, by the thought of the Mother with a nightbrother’s face. It shakes him. How would he know who to trust, and who to serve?) it’s interesting for me to write, this claustrophobic exaggerated cisnormative pov, considering i have a difficult relationship with gender but the closest approximation is ‘no please don’t’

occasionally i’m tempted to think about nonbinary or intersex or transgender nightbrothers or nightsisters, but i know the consequences for them would be horrible--these borders must not be crossed, so the structure of society is not questioned--so i shy away. more seriously i’m playing with writing a conversation about gender between savage and socvumo (gender-nonconforming twi’lek woman) because she knows the violence of gender intimately but she knows it as something imposed from the outside--what is the use of a twi’lek woman if she is not pretty--whereas her own people’s view of gender are far more relaxed and fluid. or eldra (also a twi’lek, but she’s not my OC so i’m more constrained. as a Jedi--luminous beings are we, vessels of the force not mere bodies--she has an interesting perspective though)

[*] by the way, Sister and brother are also synonymous with Nightsister and nightbrother; usually i’m not talking about a sibling relationship. as with the capitalization pattern, this is wording i tend to use in savage’s pov

[**] i really don’t understand why they look so different. i’m way more interested in sociology than biology, though, so i’m just handwaving it. a couple of theories i’ve considered are: phenotypically nonstandard fetuses (i.e., dathomiri zabrak women, paleskinned men, mixed looks) are somehow unviable or the babies are killed at birth, they’re both hermaphroditic species though in that case why would you need the mating in the first place, the gffa is weird, none of the writers gave a fuck

#dimtraces makes things #runaways 'verse #nightbrother prince #1k more than you probably wanted to know about this half-thought-out dystopia

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ofshilohs-blog · 7 years ago

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heyho, hi ! i’m incredibly late jane ( pls just ignore that the accepted post says sylvia .. i was v insecure if u catch my drift ), twenty, she & her and from the glorious gmt+2 tz. along with being an avid dc & marvel fan, memes cause 90% of my laughs which .. is sad now that i think about it but Anyways ! you’re here for shiloh and not me ( mayhaps a little bit. here’s to hoping right. ) read below at ur own risk, you’ve been warned alright .. also if you want to plot just hmu or like this & i’ll im you later !

SHILOH HARTELL — wait, you mean the AMETHYST ? yeah, i’ve heard of HER before. they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old DANIELLE CAMPBELL lookalike and identify as DEMIGIRL. people often describe them as THE ARCANE of this island. i definitely agree, though. i mean, not to be rude or anything but shiloh can be kinda PEREMPTORY and PARADOXICAL, but everyone has their bad days. however, they’re also TRUSTWORTHY and DILIGENT, which makes people admire them so much. i guess what i’m trying to say is that they’re a true gem.

BACKGROUND ( TW: CAR ACCIDENT, COMA & ALCOHOL/SMOKING MENTION )

first things first .. you can click on each word to find shiloh’s bio & headcanons but i don’t want u to waste five mins of your life so i’ll try to cut it down to three. SKSKJ

besides that i’m actually kind of proud of this kind of social media page ?? so mayhaps look at it .. if u want.

really getting started now though

born april hartell in toronto in 1996, before her younger brother june was born one year later.

( for the sake of .. lbr everything i’ll just go on calling her shiloh bc otherwise it’ll be too confusing w/ april & shiloh ) in her early yrs shiloh used to envy june and the way their parents always preferred him, but fast forward to now and shiloh’s soo very glad they did. she taught herself numerous things she probably would have never considered if she wasn’t “ignored” a good few months and even after she brought up being left out to her parents it continued.

when shiloh was twelve, her brother was diagnosed with copd or more commonly known as smoker’s lung, an obstructive lung disease which only caused the family dynamic to spiral down.

after the news sunk in the hartell’s did everything for their brother/son and during those times shiloh and june actually grew close. shiloh mostly took care of her brother when their parents went out or simply had to recharge. ( the next few sentences are from her bio bc it’s 2am n i’m tired bear with me plS ) nonetheless graduating was just as important as taking care of june. shiloh has been known as some kind of a contradiction during her school years, always being excessively studious and getting straight a’s while being surrounded by other popular kids due to being the cheerleading co-captain. at the time her schoolmates didn’t know anything about shiloh’s home life as she preferred to keep it that way. hanging out with them gave her a few hours of calmness, despite most of them trashing other people’s property or trying to set her up with the most basic but popular guy, until they realized she apparently had no interest in any form of relationship. but what no one, except for her brother, knew was that shiloh in fact had a friends with benefits agreement with some messed up guy from a local university. shiloh always told june it wasn’t serious in the slightest and she probably wouldn’t even talk to him if he didn’t have his own demons to deal with.

shiloh always blamed her father for june’s disease as it was caused by him smoking every day and having june next to him almost all the time. while shiloh never wanted to become like her father, years later she believes she did despite trying truly everything not to.

at age eighteen shiloh changed her name legally, now using april as a middle name and nickname for her parents to use. ( once again copied from her bio rip ) ever since graduating shiloh started making videos to compensate for the lack of other distractions, as she wasn’t interested in meaningless hookups anymore either. being exposed to even more knowledge and terms than before, the brunette found herself more and more.

while spiralling down due to constant pressure at home and online shiloh had weak moments of consuming too much alcohol which only caused to cloud her judgement. it was june’s eighteenth birthday when shiloh made a fatal mistake, driving while intoxicated caused their car to hit a tree and damage its occupants.

it wasn’t until one month later that shiloh woke up from a coma, as disorientated and concerned as ever. when she caught the sight of her brother without any severe injuries shiloh was finally able to breathe normally again, not realizing her heart rate went up significantly just moments before.

even though june always claimed the crash didn’t worsen his condition, shiloh kept blaming herself just like she blamed their father for what he did to her younger brother. during that time shiloh started seeing similarities between herself and him that didn’t even exist.

once again distancing herself from her family shiloh put out more and more videos. as she gained subscribers rapidly, shiloh decided to talk about her private life for the first time publicly, hoping it’ll help people in similar situations.

getting mostly positive feedback and encouraging comments, shiloh approached her family again. she tried making peace with her own mind about everything that happened in the past, almost promising herself to not act the same way ever again.

as june’s condition got worse year after year, it hit its lowest point in 2016. no temporary treatment helped and the family’s former inherited fortune shrunk every year after trying one high-priced experimental endeavour prior to another. shiloh and her family got closer during that time once again, but her parents also insisted on her being able to have a life on her own.

while applying to the closest car shop to become a mechanic, shiloh cut all ties to social media in the process after making one last youtube video explaining why.

as her family heard of the gem theory they believed it’d be for a good cause to set shiloh up for it. being skeptical at first, shiloh put more thought into it. what if it meant the money she’d receive could be used for yet another attempt at finding a cure for her brother, or even the organization itself developing one ? after a few tests shiloh was all too familiar with, the result of being a perfect fit for the project surprised her to a degree. while hoping to partake in the experiment for the sake of her younger brother, shiloh simultaneously didn’t want to leave her hometown for the very same reason. having a long talk with june, however, convinced shiloh to be a part of the gem theory. still being skeptical, she hoped for some kind of silver lining.

PERSONALITY ( TW: ALCOHOL & SMOKING MENTION )

as mentioned above shiloh is very eager to learn about basically everything. she always needs something to keep her occupied. as megan abbott once wrote there's something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls and while the quote is only semi-fitting it definitely can be used to describe shiloh’s high school years, always fooling around and screwing up while maintaining this picture perfect kind of image as co-captain of the cheer squad and a straight a student.

contradiction has always been a big part of shiloh, balancing between two stereotypes if you will: nerd vs. popular kid, first born vs. being the “lesser” child, being incredible romantic vs. meaningless hookups, keeping all feelings in vs. letting them all out at once, not believing in anything that can’t be touched/seen vs. believing in aliens.

absolutely despises cigarettes, blunts and everything else that can be smoked.

believes that wearing glitter as highlighter takes her closer to the stars and aliens.

the only alcoholic beverage she regularly consumes is any type of red wine.

for the first time in her life, shiloh’s been away from her family for more than a month. while appreciating being able to live her own life, homesickness hits her a lot.

shiloh’s a very structured person, disliking chaos and things that don’t seem to make any sense. suffering from ocd especially intensifies the former along with spending up to an hour with things such as rearranging belongings again and again, something others probably wouldn’t even notice. back when shiloh did youtube videos those had to have a certain length as well, sometimes even having to be re-filmed.

being on the island gives shiloh a bad taste in her mouth more often than not with everything that happened. as she’s a person who doesn’t necessarily likes being observed after her online presence, shiloh’s reminding herself of the promise she gave her family of not returning without anything more than ever.

this was all soo v serious omfg. but have this little fun ig tidbit that the only meme shiloh’s familiar with is that snl sketch dear sister bc she used to love the o.c. which inspired it so have that. keysmash

WANTED CONNECTIONS

alrigHT this is not to toot my own horn bc Yikes ! MXALDKS but i’m best at brainstorming and rambling when it comes to connections but will try to add some general ones to this part later or tomorrow as in monday bc it’s already past 3am n i’m [ madison beer vc ] dead.

#⊱ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ғɪx ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴇss ɪ'ᴍ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ┊ ooc.#gem:intro #this took an hour n isn't even as long as my usual intros .. i hate memeself.#also pls donut mind me being a flop and not being able to like intros / replying to starters till later

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paulisweeabootrash · 6 years ago

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First Impression: Kaguya-sama: Love is War

I have nothing clever to open with, so instead:

"You fall in love with someone, confess that love, and become a couple. Everyone would say that’s a wonderful thing. But they’re wrong! Even among sweethearts, there exists a distinct power relationship! A side that exploits and a side that’s exploited, a side that’s devoted, a side receiving devotion, a winner and a loser! If you’re trying to live a noble life, then you mustn’t become a loser. Love is war!”

— from the opening narration of today’s topic, Kaguya-sama: Love is War (2019)

Episodes watched: 9

Gigguk summed this show up in his video summarizing the Winter 2019 season by saying it poses "one of the most important questions in modern philosophy: if a tsundere and a tsundere liked each other, would they ever find out?" Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane are, respectively, the vice president and president of the student council at their elite private school. The former is an heiress waited on by servants, the latter worked his way in from a family that is poor by elite private school standards. Both are serious, brilliant, and manipulative, but totally inexperienced in romance and consumed by crushes on each other that they are unwilling to confess because they each suspect the other's crush and want to get the other to admit it first.

This is all summed up at the beginning of episode 1 in the melodramatic intro narration which starts with what I quoted above then carries on for three additional minutes of exposition explaining the main characters and setting. Then again at the beginning of ep. 2. Then just when you think they'll pull it a third time, they fast forward through it at the beginning of ep. 3 and from 4 on they switch to either cold opens or jumping directly into the opening theme. I bring this up because it’s exactly the kind of nice touch this show relies on as it makes the serious and kind of pompous into the hilarious. They knew just how long to keep that running joke going.

Kaguya and Miyuki's almost-a-relationship is shown to us in slice-of-life vignette style, usually three per episode. Like Azumanga's vignettes, these start out as self-contained shorts but gradually turn into multiple segments of episode-long stories as the season progresses. Their strategizing about trying to initiate a relationship is, as you might expect, the main driver of the show’s plot and comedy. Mundane conversations turn into extensive exposition dumps in the characters' imaginations and almost heist-movie-like walkthroughs of their plans as they try to guess what the other will do, and the show finds humor in the sheer self-consciousness and absurdity of those plans -- as when Kaguya and Miyuki both lie about forgetting their umbrellas in hopes that the other will romantically offer to share their own and go through strategic inner monologues about how they contrived this. The show also exaggerates the mundane visually by borrowing from the particular kinds of shots heavy on motion lines and exaggerated movements that would be used for straight drama in an action or sports anime. Miyuki's utter failure to play volleyball would not be nearly as funny if it weren't presented as a training montage.

Each vignette is framed as being a contest between them, and a winner and/or loser (usually just a loser) is declared at the end of most of them. This format is pretty funny on its own, but it would probably get tedious if not for recurring characters who stir things up and upend their metaphorical chessboard mid-game, often leading to vignettes that conclude with neither winning. Student Council Secretary (and close friend of Kaguya) Chika Fujiwara is much more expressive and extraverted than the others, introducing her own colorful and eccentric interests and habits and small doses of chaos that interfere directly with the would-be couple's predictions of each other's behavior -- and turns out to have at least as thorough an understanding of Kaguya and Miyuki's thought processes and habits as they do of each other's. Treasurer Yu Ishigami, a first-year the others do not know well but recruited due to his sheer skill, is the polar opposite of Chika: pessimistic to the point of likely depression and terrified of Kaguya. He is, if anything, the closest the show has to an antagonist when he does things like obliviously offend the other councilmembers or attempt to institute a "happiness tax" on students in relationships. And that's not even getting into Kaguya’s valet/confidant Ai Hayasaka, or the other budding couple who come to Kaguya and Miyuki repeatedly to receive their questionable relationship advice.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War is just delightful and I strongly recommend it. The manga is still ongoing and even though I'm not done with this season yet, I already want a second one.

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W/A/S: 5 / 2 / 3

Weeb: More foreign in execution than content, although there are some specific Japanese tropes that come off as nonsense if you're unfamiliar with them, like Chika saying the thunder god will take her belly button. As mentioned above, there is a lot of visual style borrowed from action and sports anime used for comedic effect, and it's probably funnier if you've seen some uses of that seriously first. Some points at which a joke neither quite translates well nor gets replaced by a joke with a similar that works better in English — most egregiously, an entire sketch that is built around a pun that doesn't translate but also isn't explained, leaving the audience potentially shocked and confused (see Stray Observations).

Ass: No fanservice. Lots of sexual jokes, mostly playing off of Kaguya being not only inexperienced with but sheltered from sexuality, plus the general kinds of comments you might expect real teenagers to make.

Shit (writing): A few bits of the subtitle translation seem clunky or off but I can't quite place why. The melodramatic narrator is very funny at first but his exposition/explanation dumps eventually get tedious. Otherwise, no complaints here.

Shit (other): Yet another show suffering from occasional very low frame rate, but it otherwise looks great and is absolutely full of those exaggerated reaction faces that you get in a lot of comedy anime. There are two different ending animations, which is interesting. Other people online are fixated on Chika's dance, but I really like the other ending, Kaguya's elaborate dream of an action-adventure with the rest of the Student Council.

Content: Nothing in particular.

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Stray observations:

- Hey, uh, translators writing subtitles? Please, please, please, if there is a pun that can't even be replaced by a joke with a similar format in English, put some kind of note explaining it. I had to end up relying on an unverified forum post and Google Translate to piece together the "wiener" sketch in ep. 7. Allegedly, "chinchin" means "begging", then somehow obtained a euphemistic use as a term for penis (the use most weebs are familiar with), then because of that euphemistic meaning also got used as an informal term for sausage.

- My wife has described Chika as basically her type. This comes as a great relief to me, as her usual comments on anime girls consist mostly of identifying way too strongly with all the yanderes.

- A recurring background music piece, used approximately as a leitmotif for Kaguya, reminds me a lot of the theme from Doki Doki Literature Club... Oh dear. Maybe that’s why Yu is so scared of her.

#weeaboo trash #anime review #first impression review #kaguya-sama: love is war

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