#and like. some of the closest most important people in my life identify w this. so it’s not like I can’t be extremely close w them

[binders-and-beanies]

Also as much as I appreciate people who identify as queer and can be normal about people not wanting to be called that. I also feel like there is a fundamental difference in worldview that cannot be explained or truly understood. Like it’s not just about one word, it’s an entirely different way of thinking about gender and sexuality and oppression.

Like sure you can respect my wishes regarding the word itself (after being reminded many times in enough different ways). But my problem is with the way you perceive me that led you to initially think of me as queer. That takes a lot more deeply layered unlearning than a simple change in vocabulary.

And it’s clear in the way that queer people talk about *why* they think I don’t like that word, that they don’t understand where I’m actually coming from. I can explain over and over in a million words what Not Queer means to me and why it’s important, and they’ll reflect back almost exactly the opposite.

Because we’re thinking from entirely different viewpoints and life experiences. Thus me not identifying w queerness in the first place. Bc we are so fundamentally not the same

[honey-tea-and-cookies]

Love for The Venus Signs <3

I'm in a really mushy mood, and I feel like y'all deserve some love. Starting 2022 off with positivity! Without further ado, this is what I love and appreciate about the Venus signs <3

(I apologise in advance for all the <3 I'll be doing I'm so sorry it's a habit I cannot break for the life of me)

Aries: You are so fun! You know what you like, and I respect that. I love the way you are able to decisively put an end to relationships when they no longer serve you, or are positive for you. Now, I'm not saying you aren't loyal, or you leave when times get tough. What I'm saying is that if your partner is cheating, you absolutely will dump them. If someone is leading you on, you will stop chasing. I admire your self respect. You also have really interesting taste (in a good way!). I trust you 100% for music recommendations. You are probably one of the only people where I know *exactly* how much you love me, and I feel it every day. You'll die before you let me forget it. Thank you, my dears.

Taurus: One of my favourites!!! I want a Taurus Venus to fall in love w me so bad omg. You make ABSOLUTELY sure that your partners (and other people closest to you) feel safe and secure with you. They can tell you literally anything, and you will love them just the same. There is something about your love that feels like ~a mix between kitten fur, and silk bedsheets~. I want to take you on a nice date that I've spent a month planning and SHOW YOU, as much as I can, how wonderful you are. By the way, you are so unbelievably pretty (no matter what gender you identify as). You always make the people around you feel so cared for, without being smothering. Also you have just the right amount of possessiveness to make me feel wanted, without being toxic. MWAH!!! *kisses you* <333333

Gemini: I love the way you show your love. It's very subtle, and if you weren't paying attention you could miss it. You won't necessarily tell me outright with words, or give me hugs or kisses, but I know. I know because of the way you RUN to tell me some exciting news. Or how you always make an active effort to find me and say goodnight/good morning or hello/goodbye to me. I know because of how you always make me food whenever you are making some. I know because of how you give me my space, and never pressure me. I know because of how you try (and succeed) to make me laugh, every single day. Every single action, every word you say or move you make is filled with love that you are begging the other person to understand. And it's okay honey, I do. I see you, and I love you too <3.

Cancer: I've told you how much I love you already (here and here), but it will never be enough. You are so tender. I actually believe you not only feel love, but you ARE love. You always understand how I feel, and you have always been there to listen. Even if it's literally 2am and I'm just ranting about manga or IS NOT more important than sleep. You are my greatest supporter. My greatest hype-man. Every time I see you I'm overwhelmed with emotion, and I really don't know how to express it. I would love to tell you exactly how much you mean to me, and I try, but I don't want to freak you out. Just, please know that you are amazing. I know your family might suck, life might be hard. But YOU, my love, are extraordinary. One of the best people I can think of. I am being fully serious when I say I would die for you. Not a single doubt in my mind. Also I love your fashion and makeup please teach me you're amazing ily <333333333.

Leo: You are the most thoughtful motherfuckers in the whole world. I can push, and push, and push you away but you'll always be there. You know I need you. I always will. I'll never tell you, but I miss you so much when you're gone. Like, seriously. My family is fucking *crazy* sometimes and you are the only people who I feel safe enough ranting to about them. More than anyone in my life, you know me like that. You also remember everything. Maybe not specifics, but you remember the important bits. I love your gifts. Not in a materialistic way, it's just... I actually cry every time I think of the fact that you care about me enough, that you remembered, and you went out and bought me something?? Oh my fucking GOD I love you. Also, I love the way you call me out on my bullshit. It's always in such a kind, but super blunt way. You challenge me to be better. You make me better. Thank you, a thousand times over. I will never, ever be able to truly express my gratitude for you.

Virgo: So underrated???? You are so kind to everyone. Are you that kind to yourself? You deserve love too, ya know. Stop working for a minute. Sit down. Drink some water. Seriously, please drink some fucking water. You matter. Rest, my love. Let me rub your shoulders. Lay your head in my lap and let me play with your hair. It's okay to be soft, alright? It doesn't make you weak. I pinky promise. The only time you let me in is when you *truly* cannot take it anymore. I am always thankful for that, but please let me in before that breaking point. Let me take care of you, as you take care of everyone else. Would all that be okay with you? Come lay down with me, sweetheart. Let me massage your scalp until you fall asleep, while we watch a Studio Ghibli movie. If you're sick of being inside, let's go to the botanical gardens. We'll look at the beautiful greenery, and I'll tell you that they'll never hold a candle to you. Let me pepper your pretty cheeks with kisses as I try to convey to you just how much love I have for you. Love that overflows, and is dying to be expressed. Please take it easy, and know how much I utterly adore you.

Libra: Okay so I dated one of you guys for about a year and half, so I have the most experience with you guys romance-wise (everything else is platonic unless I've said so). In fact, he'll probably read this so, hey man how's it goin! Anyway. You are not soft and mushy and ditzy than the stereotypes say?? I don't even know where that came from. Are you affectionate and sometimes PDA-y? Sure. But are you cutesy little air-heads that are obsessed with romance? Not in the slightest. Not in a bad way anyway. You are romantic in the way that you are very adaptable to your partners and what they need. They want tons of physical touch? Great, coming right up! They want space? That's no worries, as long as they text you when they can. Your priority is making sure your partner is comfortable and happy as much as possible, and you'll bend over backwards to make sure they are. You are also such good friends with your partners, first and foremost. Honestly really good S/O material, 10/10 would recommend. I'll love you always <3333

Scorpio: The most dedicated of partners. You want someone that would die for you? That would kill for you? Scorpio Venus. THEY EXPECT IT IN RETURN so be prepared for that, but absolutely y'all are worth it. First of all, your style and tastes in decoration n shit are everything, I love it. Please send me any and all design or fashion Pinterest boards you have. Second, please help me raise my standards babes I need to. I know y'all don't settle, teach me how to find a good partner please. Third, the best friends to rant about relationship issues with. You can get really deep and intense very quickly, you can just bitch, you can fit any kinda ~vibe~. I appreciate it a lot thank you. Honestly, I want more of you in my life. Everyone deserves this kinda energy. I hope you find someone who loves you as deeply and as clearly as you love them.

Sagittarius: Pleaseeee be my best friend. Also, please send me all your playlists. Babes we both know you have them. I want to watch anime with you. But like, one that's not serious (My Hero Academia or The Disastrous Life of Saiki K sort of vibe??). Let's make a secret handshake. Let's go for a drive and explore forests. Let take pictures of the pretty mushrooms and discuss whether or not it would reeeaaaally be that bad if we ate one?? (yes it would don't be stupid). Let's go clothes shopping, I really wanna hear your takes on my outfits. Text me at random, awful hours asking if I'm awake and start debating the meaning of life with me. Also, tell me if I'm being an idiot. I overthink constantly and I desperately need you to tell me to shut the fuck up. On the same note, tell me if I'm ever being ignorant. Send me articles for causes I'm not very educated on yet. Thank you very, very much. You are my best, most precious friends. I love you <33333

Capricorn: Potentially biased because this is my placement, and two of my best friend's placement, but still. I know exactly how hard it is for you to express your love. Trust me, I do. I am SO thankful for when you open up, and do tell me how you feel. I promise I feel the same. Why do you fight my love so much?? We both know you crave to know your love is reciprocated. But when I try to tell you how much I love you back, you kinda,,, don't know what to do?? Let me do shit for you, dammit! Let me make you big dorky collages of your favourite band that you won't stop talking about! Let me buy you your favourite snack every time I see it because I always think of you when I see it! Let me take stupid selfies of us! Let me give you honest, but incredibly loving advice! You make my chest all warm n fuzzy, and you make me smile like an idiot. This is what happens when you don't let me actively express my love back!! Don't be dumb, let me show you are much I adore you. Please, let me be soft with you. I love you so so so much <3333333

Aquarius: Your love is special. I mean, all love is special, but yours is in a different way. You piss me off (in a loving way). You make me do stuff that's outside of my comfort zone, because you know it's good for me. Of course, you're always right, it's never as bad as I think. But I'm still gonna fight you on it. You want me to be my very best self, and push me every day to make sure I am. Don't worry, you let me rest when I really need it. You're very good at knowing when I'm just anxious or when I'm actually too tired. I appreciate your seemingly innate understanding of people. I also appreciate how you always know what's going on in the world. And if you don't know, you sure as hell are willing to learn. I have a lot of respect for you, as much as I may not show it. You deserve more warmth than you get, though. I love you, please know that. Always.

Pisces: Kind of a soft spot for me, if I'm honest. You are so very pretty. Every single one of you. I love how cuddly you become. Just, stop thinking for a while? Lay your pretty head on my chest, and watch a funny movie or something with me. Let's just chill out, calmly in each other's soft presence. I'll bake us some cookies! You can help if you want. I'll make the dough and you decorate, yeah? Wonderful! I love the way you get into my astrology stuff with me. You'll let me nerd out about it for hours on end. You'll ask me questions about it, too! You'll watch my favourite show (Brooklyn Nine-Nine for anyone wondering) with me over and over and over again. You will give me book recommendations. You will be patient with me as I go into every crystal shop I see and read each card about the crystal's meaning (even if I already know). You'll plan our future lives together with me. Not in a crazy way, but like, we'll talk about how badly we both want a cat and what we would name it. I love you guys so much. You inspire me every day, I love you <333333

Okay everyone, this is all I have for today! I hope you appreciate my love, I spent ages pouring my heart out here. Tell me what you think! Remember to please drink some water, eat if you can, and that you are loved. Thank you so much!!!!

[ranboo5]

Techno takes I find baffling seem to be based largely on like, the predication that he sees ideals over people, but that’s not... true. That’s literally the opposite of true. That’s literally the source of the conflict with people on the server

What ppl seem to think? is that Techno’s interactions with people are informed by his anarchist ideals, when it’s the other way around. He reacts to government the way he does because he’s seen what it does to people? He’s seen it hurt him, he’s seen it hurt Phil, he’s seen it hurt Ranboo, he’s seen it hurt Tubbo, he’s seen it hurt Tommy, he’s seen it hurt Wilbur, he has evidence for it hurting Niki, and the list goes on 

People keep acting like Techno’s ideology starts with “oh nooo my ideals are hurt,” which I think comes from him flipping on L’Manberg after the Manberg-Pogtopia war, but that’s because Techno clearly came in with an anarchist ethos (and pretty traumatized already; “the only universal language is violence” alone raises a lot of red flags that are all screaming “trauma”). How his anarchist ethos develops is clearly reactive and this is obvious from even immediately after this -- he sees blowing up L’Manberg didn’t stop them from starting a government, and retreats to try to take up pacifism and establish an anarchist commune in the north. He sees this fail w/ the Butcher Army and leans harder into reciprocity, and after blowing up New L’Manberg (in perceived self-defense primarily, I would argue) he decides to directly codify aforesaid ethos and develop it. And what does he emphasize when he does so? The lack of any leadership position. The fact that no member will be used or coerced. This is directly from what he’s seen government do -- corrupt its leaders with power and the search for more until they broke like Wilbur or did awful things like Tubbo, and use people like him as weapons, coerce them to take action against others against their will like they did w/ Ranboo and tried to do to Techno. Technoblade’s anarchism is clearly a reaction to his interactions with other people, not the other way around 

I think another source for the “Technoblade values ideals over people” misread is the fact that he actually doesn’t value ideals and things that much, which he states, but because a lot of the fandom identifies and sympathizes with characters who do value those ideals, that disregard comes off as personal. Take L’Manberg, or the discs -- those are things that are, for better or for worse (I would argue in most cases for worse, but ofc there is nuance and that’s a different discussion anyway), incredibly sentimentally important ideals to characters like Tubbo and especially Tommy “attachments are actually the thematic core of my character” Innit, which a lot of people sympathize with. Those things aren’t people, but because of the value that characters place on them, they feel to those characters like an attack on them is an attack on an intrinsic part of their identity. This isn’t a paradigm that Techno operates on -- the closest he comes is when they form a government in front of him and he joins in the destruction of L’Manberg, but even then it’s a more consistent read that he did it in some misguided attempt to warn them. It all comes back to Technoblade caring about people, even people who���ve wronged him and whom he disagrees with -- I’d go so far as to call that a primary motivator. The problem arises when those people work on a paradigm where they care deeply about ideals that often harm them, and Techno doesn’t have the emotional finesse nor the understanding necessary to take that into account with his “warnings,” which often only end up causing more trauma in effect. That doesn’t mean he does things because he “doesn’t care” or has a “victim complex”; it just means that he doesn’t understand the sentimental and emotional importance that that kind of attachment to an inanimate ideal has. He sees people do terrible things in the name of some strange idea of a country -- how can a country be more emotionally important to them than the person being hurt? -- and when he reacts in the way he knows how -- which, because of the other trauma he clearly already has, is violence -- he doesn’t take into account the real emotional effect that losing that country has on someone, and because the emotional effect of an attachment like that is in fact really huge, especially if you, like some characters, define yourself by that attachment, those characters and people who sympathize with them can feel like it’s an attack on something that makes them human (and that leads directly into “oh Techno is inhuman!” stuff which is. Incredibly ableist because it’s literally calling someone inhuman because they interact with ideals differently and usually also ties into calling him “emotionless” for. How. The creator. Who has ADHD. Naturally emotes.) 

If we want more nails in the coffin, just. Look at how he interacts with Tubbo? There’s a repeated sub-sentiment of the stuff I’ve talked about here that Technoblade only sees Tubbo as a government stand in and fails to see the person, but how Techno talks about/to him says the actual opposite most of the time. He’s gone on record saying that Tubbo is possibly a good guy but has been corrupted by his position during the RaccoonInnit arc, the one time he took a canon life from Tubbo was under coercion, and just today in the Snowchester stream as soon as Tubbo made it clear that, despite his big scary words and nukes, Snowchester was not intending to or probably capable of oppressing its citizens, Technoblade and the Syndicate decided that Tubbo wasn’t going to be a problem and never acted personally slighted, even though 2/4 (arguably 3/4 but no one’s ready for that conversation) of them arguably had reason to committing what Tubbo’s administration actively did to them. Technoblade doesn’t have a problem with Tubbo, the person; he has a problem with the position of a presidential cabinet, which he almost certainly sees (correctly) as something that was in fact harming Tubbo the person (Phil has even said as much explicitly, I’m pretty sure Techno has as well though perhaps in less direct terms, and Ranboo almost certainly has alluded to similar). Honestly all things considered Techno and co. are all being incredibly forgiving toward Tubbo (as they largely should be!!! Honestly I think their takes irt that are mostly correct considering Tubbo’s situation but I am also very very soft and will lie down and apologize about anything so) 

Tl;dr: People saying that Technoblade values ideals over people actually have it entirely backwards, because - Techno’s ideals are actively reactive to his interactions with other people rather than the other way around - largely the issue is that Techno doesn’t recognize the value people place on ideals  - Techno has seen the damage that those ideals + holding them has done to people which is in fact his main motivator  - Techno’s interactions w/ Tubbo all point to Techno not having a problem with Tubbo the person but rather with the government position he occupied, which hurt Tubbo the person too  - have we been watching the same streams

[theperplexityoftheunknown]

What is a relationship to be continued

You may ask yourself why this is Important yet it is very important! We will discuss Why they are important to your well being and what type of person you are in a relationship? I think if you take the time to read this post in its entirety and intense complexity you will have a better understanding of where you are in life and what more you can become by understanding the perplexity of every relation to man or relationship because trust me THIS BABY is going to get TOUGH.

Lets start of with the first question what is a relationship

the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.

Please go ahead and read one more time because that may or may not be the closest thing of a relationship to that you have a mutual relation  and understanding of but its way, way more complex just keep reading.

Each relationship we have encountered has been determined by how we were raised Im going to refer to some quick psycho-social information coming from a study introduced during world war 2 by British psychoanalyst john bowbly, whose lonely childhood gave him a lifelong interest in the power of parenthood.

In the 1970s a test was conducted by Bowlby’s student Mary Ainsworth. She performed the strange situation test where children that's age ranged from 12-18 months were put  in a toy-filled room with their mother and given a chance to play. A stranger enters and interacts with the parent and child,then mom exited the room-- leaving behind a confused and alarmed little kid. A few minutes later mom returned and comforted her toddler. Needless to say being separated from the person who feeds, protects, and tends to you is frighting for any toddler, but the test showed definite categories of reaction to that fear.

Why is this important ?

Early Attachment.

As seen above you can see that a study was conducted concerning attachment styles. It's important because it is with this information that you find out what type of relationships You are going to be compatible with. Some types absolutely do not collide but if you think this is all about “how do i form a relationship” well keep reading because its not possible for everyone.

1 Secure, when it is evident to have a secure attachment style when the parenting style was: Warm, attentive,relatively consistent, and quick to respond based on that approach the child's Baseline Emotional Status (BES) would have been happy, confident, and curious which would have subconsciously continues into adulthood with the Child’s expectation of life being: My need will be met

2. Anxious -Ambivalent/resistant, it is evident to have an anxious attachment style when the parenting style was: Inconsistent: sometimes responsive and sometimes not. The Child's BES would have been Insecure, anxious, and intensely emotional which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “IF i act in the right ways, I might earn love and my needs may be met”

3. Avioident- ,it is evident to have a avoidant attachment style when the parenting style was: Distant and Cold, or harsh and critical. The child's BES would have been Emotionally shut down which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “I can't trust anyone to meet my needs. I must meet my own needs.

Im sure your getting the idea of why this is now important

Lets looks at three statements

1 I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or doesn't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

3 i am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others:  i find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than i feel comfortable being

In 1987 psychologist cindy hazan and philip shaver reported the results of the statements above  they called it the ‘love quiz’

56% of adults respondents had identified themselves as secure, 19% as anxious and 25% as avoidant

The perfect combination

Secure people tend to have the most secure relationships, and a relationship needs only ONE secure partner to get that stability. With a partner who is happy to give reassurance and isn't threatened by the idea of being needed, an anxious person can relax, and is often loyal and loving. With someone who doesn't take it personally when their partner wants time alone,avoidant people can worry less about being tied down- however, most of the compromises in the relationship will likely be made by the secure partner. The real problem comes when two insecure types get together. If relationships often get messy for you, learning to recognize attachment styles and understanding how they clash can give you a path through the conflict

But then again Here comes perhaps the most perlex question i can ask? What happens in adult hood when you experience the pain and turama of a heartbreak?

What particularly does that do to each individual and how do they cope?

Do some people perhaps just shut down! Absolutely not! One subconsciously gains the ability to cope with their losses how? Lets start with:

Sexual compulsion – Relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation

I know your wondering What the Fuck where did this just turn to but trust me, or dont but you may or may not want to hear this or perhaps your brain craves the knowledge to understand and you ask yourself why your life is working in the way it is; remembemer its all in you!

I believe the first coping skill for some may be Hypersexuallity which I will refer to later.

2. I believe a conduct Disorder  DSM-IV-TR 314.9 Is primary consistent with feelings of Emotional shock from a previous ‘heartbreaking’ or traumatic event.

I will explain. I'm going to refer to the diagnostic features of conduct disorder which manifest itself  as a repetitive and persistent pattern in  which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated. These behaviours fall into four main groupings” Criteria A1-A7 aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals .

Or see criteria A8-A9 nonaggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage Or see A9 - A13, DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

It is definite that promiscuous behavior is dangerous therefore someone engaging in Criteria a1-a7 w/o aggression and associated with parts or in hole with A8-9

Furthermore  the prevalence of conduct disorder appears to have increased over the last decades and may be higher in urban than in rural settings.

Course.

Individuals with conduct disorder are at risk for later mood disorders, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, and substance related disorders.

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexual disorder, is associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people.

Sexual addiction, which is also known as hypersexual disorder, has been associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people although it has not been recognized as a disorder that merits inclusion in the DSM (Quadland, 1985) – see Karila et al. (2014) for review. Originally, Carnes (1983)published a book titled Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction, which has raised interest in the area and facilitated a discussion on the best way to define and diagnose the disorder. Despite different views about pathological characteristics of sexual addiction there is an agreement that this is a progressive relapsing condition which does not merely refer to a pathological diagnosis of sexual lifestyle that is socially deviant (Edger, 2010).

Sexual addiction involves compulsive behaviors such as constantly seeking new sexual partners, having frequent sexual encounters, engaging in compulsive masturbation and frequently using pornography. Despite efforts to reduce or stop excessive sexual behaviors individuals find it difficult to stop and they engage in risky sexual activities, pay for sexual services and resist behavioral changes to avert HIV risk (Carnes, 1991; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002; Coleman, Raymond & McBean, 2003; Kalichman & Rompa, 1995). Sexual compulsivity has been associated with the number of unprotected vaginal sex acts with female sexual workers, lower self-efficacy for condom use, greater use of illicit drugs, and more financial need (Semple et al., 2010).

Cognitive and emotional symptoms include obsessive thoughts of sex, feelings of guilt about excessive sexual behavior, the desire to escape from or suppress unpleasant emotions, loneliness, boredom, low self-esteem, shame, secrecy regarding sexual behaviors, rationalization about the continuation of sexual behaviors, indifference toward a regular sexual partner, a preference for anonymous sex, a tendency to disconnect intimacy from sex, and an absence of control in many aspects of life (Carnes, 2000, 2001; Carnes & Schneider, 2000; Coleman et al., 2003; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002). Finally, some studies find that sexual addiction is associated with or in response to dysphoric affects (Black, Kehrberg, Flumerfelt & Schlosser, 1997; Raymond, Coleman & Miner, 2003; Reid, 2007; Reid, Carpenter, Spackman & Willes, 2008; Reid & Carpenter, 2009) or stressful life events (Miner et al., 2007).

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979, 1982) argued that early attachment experiences affect personal and social life, professional relationships, dealing with stress, mental and physical health and cognitive development. According to recent developments in attachment theory, those who developed a safe attachment style which is not anxious or avoidant during infancy can form healthy relationships in adolescence and adulthood and handle life problems (Uytun, Oztop, Esel & Mdusunen, 2013). Individuals with secure attachment are expected to have low chances of becoming addicted to sex since they regulate and limit their sexual activity more than those with insecure attachment (Zapf, Greiner & Carroll, 2008). Furthermore, individuals who are addicted to sex are looking for sexual activity without the need for emotional relationships and they are more likely to be characterized by avoidant or anxious attachment (Gentzler & Kerns, 2004).

Gay men are diverse with respect to the sexual behaviors they both desire and enact (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010; Sanderson, 1994). Moreover, gay men differ from other groups in their sexual behavior. Research shows that, on average, gay men have more partners, engage in more risky sexual behavior, and are more likely to seek sexual sensation than other groups, such as heterosexual men, women and lesbians (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei & Gladue, 1994; Ekstrand, Stall, Paul, Osmond & Coates, 1999; Thompson, Yager & Martin, 1993). But among homosexual men there is variability in the propensity to engage in compulsive unprotected sex. Meyer and Dean (1995) have reported that about 6% of their 149 young New York City gay men (aged 18–24 years) engaged in very high risk behavior, defined as unprotected receptive anal intercourse with multiple partners. It appears that very high risk takers are qualitatively different from other risk takers: they reported more mental health problems, including more drug use and higher levels of internalized homophobia and AIDS-related traumatic stress response. Furthermore, there are moderators of sexual behavior among gay men such as being in monogamous relationships. Also sexual health and sexual health behaviors for example sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) were most influential over the enactment of sexual behavior or desires (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010).

Few studies investigated sexual compulsivity among heterosexual and homosexual men. Furthermore, to the best of our knowledge, the relationships between compulsive sexual behavior and attachment and sexual preference or orientation have not been investigated before. We have therefore investigated sexual compulsivity and attachment style among populations of heterosexual and homosexual men and women. We hypothesized that secure attachment would be associated with lower rates of sex compulsion. Secondly, that homosexual men and women would show higher levels of sexual compulsivity than heterosexual men and women. Thirdly, we hypothesized that attachment style might mediate between sexual orientation and sexual compulsion.

[sciencelings-ocs]

Gold and Silver

This is an oc fic featuring my ocs Rosalia and Artemis who are sisters, Rose has powers. Artie does not. They both work for SHIELD.

Rose was just barely used to her job at SHIELD when Hydra destroyed everything. She was happy with what she was doing. She was helping people and with all of SHEILD’s reach, she could help the people who needed her most. She had the resources to do all the research she desired and was allowed to see classified information from scientists just like her. It was a dream until it wasn’t. 

She was in her lab when it happened. She was studying an Asgardian blood sample and comparing it to a human one. She should’ve been using her time more wisely… Why look at alien blood when the silent clock was counting down. 

She heard the gunfire before she knew what was going on. She grabbed her emergency pistol from under her main desk, she was still a trained SHIELD agent after all. She wasn’t a field agent but she knew the basics and could defend herself if she needed to. It was something her powers wouldn’t help her with. They were useless in this kind of situation. What good was glowy healing hands when she was being shot at. 

Footsteps were getting closer. There was muffled yelling beyond her walls. She didn’t have much time. There was one door, it led to the main hallway where the attackers were coming through. Her best chance was to hide. 

She ran as quietly as she could to the back of the room where some mostly empty cabinets were. She hoped that she was small enough to squeeze inside. Sure, it wasn’t a good vantage point but she was on the index and they would know that she was there and that she could be a target. She didn’t want to go out fighting, there was still so much she could do. She doubted that they would take their time searching every crevice for her, she was still just a healer. It didn’t feel like that was part of Hydra’s gig. 

She had just gotten into position when the main door was kicked in rather violently. There was a main man in the front who ordered the others to search the room. Rose’s heart sank. She cocked her gun in the chaos and prepared to fire and get out of there as swiftly as possible. Her chances of escaping were low. She didn’t have enough ammo to take out the whole room and she wasn’t a perfect shot. Her chances of survival were dwindling. 

The footsteps were getting closer, one by one cabinet doors were being haphazardly ripped open, each getting nearer to her hiding place. She did her best to control her breathing but there was a reason that she didn’t want to be a field agent, she was not good in absolutely terrifying situations. She hated how much her hands shook on her gun. She had to keep her finger off of the trigger to prevent an accidental misfire. 

She took a few deep breaths as the banging of wooden doors got nearer. Time felt like it was going so slowly, though the nearest baddie was only a few cabinets away, it felt like an eternity before they got to hers. She gently rested her finger on the trigger and let herself take a second to see who was going to be on the other side. All she saw was a familiar red badge depicting a skull on top of several tentacles and she knew exactly what was going on. 

After she pulled the trigger, things seemed to get a little crazy. She slid out from her hiding place and used the man she had shot in the shoulder as a kind of human shield. She threw the poor nazi into the closest of his colleagues and shot at the Hydra agents closest to her. 

It didn’t take long for them to react. The room erupted in deafening bangs and yells. Rose rolled behind a metal column and vaguely recognized a painful burning in her thigh. 

“You’re not a fighter Doctor Dawn, this isn’t a fight you can win.” The main guy bellowed from behind her. 

“And what do you expect me to do,” Rose hissed, “Praise the name of hydra and surrender my rights to fascist ideals?” 

“Oh of course not. I just thought I’d try to make it easier. You’re coming with us, whether you’re full of holes or not. You know you’re potential has been wasted here, imagine what you could do without SHIELD’s limitations.” The man purred creepily.

“You don’t know me, I’m not going to do things just because I can. Some people have a hint of moral obligations.” Rose looked around her half of the room, she only had a few bullets left and Hydra wanted her alive, otherwise, they would’ve taken her down easily. She was astoundingly outnumbered. 

“This is your last chance to give yourself up, all in one piece. You know that you have no choice, don’t you have any sense of self-preservation?” 

“Self-preservation isn’t my strong suit…” Rose muttered as she placed her hand on her wound, it had stopped bleeding and was already closing. Soon, standing should be only a little bit painful rather than impossible. She just needed to keep him talking for a tiny bit longer. 

“Why,” She asked, “Why do you guys want me? There are people who can cause natural disasters and turn into any material they touch. I’m just a doctor. Wouldn’t you want to use your evil resources to get them rather than waste a good team getting a defenseless healer? That is if this is a good team and not just a bunch of cowards who were given guns.” 

“You underestimate your value to us. Imagine an unkillable army, soldiers who cannot be damaged by bullets, no need for armor or shields… it’s beautiful isn’t it.” 

Rose laughed. She laughed as she carefully got to her feet, leaning heavily on the metal pillar shielding her. 

“I can’t do that? What do you think I am? A god?” 

“You could be.” 

“There aren’t meant to be gods in this world. Even if it was possible, I don’t want to make an unkillable army, and if you think me a god, you can’t bend a god to you’re twisted will. I think that’s part of the whole omnipotent being bit.” Rose tested a lean on her injured leg and readied her gun.

“You won’t get the luxury of a choice.” the man said grimly. 

Rose stepped out of her hiding place and pointed her gun at the main military man. Before she could let out another word, she was hit with a tiny pinprick, to small to be a bullet. She only had enough time to look at the projectile before all her strength was seeping out of her. Seemed to be an enhanced tranquilizer. She collapsed to the ground and felt a massive collar be locked around her throat before her vision completely blacked out.  

Just like that, it was over. Her freedom was gone in the blink of an eye. She didn’t know if anyone would be willing or even left to attempt to save her. 

***

Artemis was undercover when Hydra made their move. She had just dyed her short hair brown and curled it, painted on more freckles on her cheeks, and hidden several types of weapons in her casual clothes. It was honestly one of her favorite parts of her job. Creating a character, pretending to be someone else, blending in, she liked it more than the whole fighting part. Even if she was pretty damn good at the fighting part. 

When Hydra emerged from their wretched ashes, Artemis was alone. She started the day on a mission but it didn’t take her long to realize that she was being hunted. 

It started with a strange flash from a window from the apartment building across the street. Call her paranoid but she immediately left eyeshot of the window. She took out her own sniper rifle and took off the specialized scope. She used it as a kind of telescope and turned on its x-ray feature and adjustable zoom to identify if someone was after her or if she was just imagining it. 

She was not imagining it. There was a person in a high window with a gun, trying their best to conceal themselves. Artemis put the scope back on her rifle and took out an acid green colored tube of lipstick, of course, it wasn’t actually lipstick. She was a spy. She uncapped it and used it to trace around the concrete on a nearby brick. There was a minute of soft sizzling before she slid out the brick as if it had just been laid. 

She pointed the barrel out of the new hole in the wall and wasted no time as she aimed and fired. The loud streets dampened the sound of the bang and she replaced the brick before getting out of there before anyone had a chance to figure out that something was up. 

It was on the news all day, SHIELD had fallen, they’re secrets exposed, and Hydra was back. Of course, some of that information was passed to her by an old friend but most of it was very much public. 

But Artemis didn’t care about her job, her livelihood, her kill count being on display for anyone to look up on google, no. Her sister was right at the heart of it, and due to her status as a glowy super-human, she was very much in trouble, if not dead. Sure it would be stupid to not keep her alive, but Hydra wasn’t known for their mercy. 

Artemis could disappear, she could get away from Hydra easily, but she wasn’t going to. Not while her sister was in their clutches. 

It took a few Hydra agents but eventually, Artemis found one that knew something that she cared about. Where they were keeping the important prisoners. Their enhanced prisoners. It turned out that they had a prison boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. One heavily equipped to deal with even the Avengers. Bingo. 

Artemis was ready for a rescue mission. 

***

Time was odd in her cell. The lights were always on, there was always a guard outside of the glass, Roses internal clock was the only thing hinting at the time and that had always been a little unreliable. They give her food once a day, if it could be called food, and it’s time always seemed to fluctuate. Every once in a while they would try to convince her to join them. They spoke of a perfect life, of power, of wealth but she would always say no. And she would pay for it. Usually, they would fill her body with voltage or try to brand her, but she would heal before the next day. Rarely even leaving a mark. At most a gunshot would become a scar no larger than the size of a freckle. 

The bulky shock collar had started to become normal. Her hair, which was normally held in a tight bun or a professional ponytail, was wild and untamed falling down her shoulders, some in front of her face. She couldn’t move it, her wrists were cuffed together, only uncuffed for meals or occasional trips to shower. 

Every moment alone, she spent inside her own head. Every moment wasted in a bright blank room when she could be helping people or not being in a cell. She thought about her sister, whose whole life was uprooted at the fall of SHIELD, but Rose was sure she could handle herself, she had never known anyone more capable. Still, she was worried. Their family had been complicated, and accidentally working for the same secret organization had been the most perfect coincidence. It took a few years but they got close again, rejecting childish resentment and competition. 

But Artemis wouldn’t come for her, she had never made a decision based on feelings before and was very unlikely to do so. If she came, it would take weeks at least and a well thought out attack or something of that nature. 

Although since she couldn’t use her powers, they were just building up inside her. Her own healing factor had sped up just by not healing people constantly. Her power had nowhere to go after she had gotten used to using it so much during the day. 

She was filled with energy that had nowhere to go. She was trapped in several ways, none of them very fun. She had to get out, no one was going to save her, they would be stupid to try. 

It turned out someone was stupid enough to try. Someone so wonderfully stupid to care about her. 

Against the odds, her sister was there, silently taking out a guard with ease. Her cheek was bleeding and bruised and she had the most feral look in her eyes, it was kind of scary. Artemis, who was calculating and calm at all times, who put so much thought into every decision she made, had left everything she had left to find her. Rose couldn’t help but smile. 

Artemis took the shock collar remote from the guard and unlocked the cell door with a stollen key card. 

“Hey Rosie, You’ve looked better…” She quipped while taking a moment to figure out which button on the remote took off the collar. 

“And you’ve never looked better. I’ve never been so happy to see you come in and knock someone out.” Rose grinned. 

“Yeah, yeah…” Artemis rolled her eyes and pressed a button that made the collar release a bunch of air. She gently took it off of her sister to see the deep indents that it made around her neck including the two electricity input and output spikes on each side of her throat. “Jesus… that does not look very comfortable.” 

“Imagine having to sleep in it.” Rose ripped her hands from the handcuffs behind her back and gently rubbed the sore parts on her neck. Once the pressure was removed, the bruises started to heal. She raised her hand to her sister’s bloodstained face and had a record-breaking healing session. Even small wounds would take a minute or two but this time it took seconds and it was kind of mesmerizing to see the process. 

“Thanks.” Artemis’ face relaxed as the pain eased. 

“It’s genuinely the least I can do. I’m guessing that if you haven’t been noticed, you just got noticed so uh, can we get out of here?” Rose left the cell and took a gun from the fallen guard. 

“No, I was planning on staying here forever…” Artemis grumbled. “Follow me, we have to get to the top deck.”

They almost made it up two floors before the first group of baddies came running towards them. Rose heard the frantic heavy footsteps on the metal floor before anything else and she cocked her gun. Her sister put her arm in front of her signalling for her to stop and let her deal with the problem. Rose nodded but stayed close anyway, partially because if her sister got hurt she would need to fix it and partially because she didn’t want to feel useless. 

Artemis caught the group by surprise and shot the front few guys before using one of them as a shield to defend herself from the other ones. She pushed them into the chaos and rammed her knee in the crotch of the closest guy. She wasn’t superhuman like her sister but she worked hard and was pretty damn strong. She kicked the gun out the hand of the guy whose nuts she just crushed and shot the hand of the guy who was moments away from shooting her. The fight kept going like that, her being too fast to shoot at and at some point pulling out a knife. 

Rose stayed out of sight and felt her blood run cold when she heard more footsteps. A lot more footsteps. They were going to get overwhelmed very soon. Even Artemis couldn’t take out so many people. 

The noise in the hallway stopped, Artemis finished the fight and looked a little winded. She walked back to her sister. 

“Don’t get tired yet. I heard more coming. I don’t think we can fight our way out.” She said grimly as she waved her glowing hand over the injured parts of her sister. She had taken a few heavy hits. 

“How do you feel about elevators?”   

***

When Artemis mentioned elevators, Rose thought about riding the actual elevator. Not climbing up the shaft with an endless drop at any slight mistake. She guessed that this was why she wasn’t a spy, it would’ve been too nice to just ride the elevator. Everything just had to be hard. 

They froze every time there was a noise and spoke in frustrated hushed tones whenever they had something to say. Like how not fun climbing up an elevator shaft in a massive prison ship was. 

The grumbling stopped when the elevators started to move and the elevator shaft became less of a death pit and more of a death trap. Rose had managed to get on top of one of the moving elevators and kept trying to get Artemis to come with her before it was too late. She was perched on a slight ledge far enough away from the momentarily stopping elevator that it would take a miracle to jump the gap and make it. The window of opportunity was closing fast. 

“Just jump! I’ll catch you!” Rose said frantically as she reached her hand out as far as it could go. 

“The fuck do you think I am? Captain America? Just go without me! I’ll catch up!” 

“I can literally catch you asshole, we don’t have time for you to whine about it!” Rose hissed. Artemis wasted precious moments to roll her eyes and carefully maneuver her body to the adequate leverage to maximize her jumping range. 

Then was the moment of truth. Artemis used all of her strength and flung her body at her sister as best as she could. 

It was so close. For a moment, their fingers just barely touched, enough to grab at the ends. Enough to delay the inevitable for a moment. 

“Go… I’ll meet you upstairs… okay?” 

“No… I can get you up… just hold on…” She said desperately. Artemis was already slipping one finger at a time. Rose had to keep her other hand on the elevator, any moment it would start moving again. 

“It’s okay, let me go.” Rose wouldn’t get the chance. Artemis slipped through her fingers. 

Then she fell. She didn’t even scream, but Rose did. In that moment, something flickered. For the briefest of moments, in the height of pure emotion, something within Rose changed. Her eyes glowed gold, her hair defied gravity and reflected light that wasn’t there, and then it stopped. And she was left alone. She didn’t even notice the moment of glowing potential. 

She was going back for her sister. The long way. 

***

It didn’t take long for Rose to get caught, but that was kind of part of the plan. Kind of. She didn’t have a fully fleshed out plan but she thought she had something at least. It was kind of hard to think after what happened. Artemis could be dead… no it would take more to kill her sister. She had never known anyone more resilient and with more pure will. She was like the John Wick of spies. Someone could break both of her legs and arms and she would still find a way to stand back up and wreck shit. A stupid elevator shaft wouldn’t take her out. Hopefully. 

Rose wandered around the halls. It wasn’t like there was a map of the place. She felt like she was in a daze, time was slow and blurry. Every sound felt far away… in fact… everything felt far away. She couldn’t focus. It could be the lack of food and water catching up to her but she doubted it. 

She was surprised that she managed not to bump into any hydra agents, she had noticed that a bunch of the cameras in the halls had been broken or even completely ripped off. There were still bullet holes and subtle bloodstains on the walls telling her this ship used to be SHIELDs and it was part of the hydra resurgence. Right at the front lines. They didn’t have enough time to fix everything and it was unlikely that some cameras on a prison ship would be a major priority for a reborn nazi organization. They were probably still getting rid of the bodies of the SHIELD agents they murdered. 

Like Artemis, sure it was a little more distantly but if hydra hadn’t emerged from the dark damp hell they came from then none of this would have happened. 

The last thought made her growl audibly, which is not something she just did normally. She doesn’t usually growl like a dog. She tightly balled her fists and decided that she couldn’t just stand there to absorb what just happened, she was still in the nest of the people hunting her. She was likely moments away from being found out and captured or worse. She had to get her shit together before there was a gun to her head. 

“You seem a little lost Rosie.” A deep voice came from somewhere ahead of her, it sounded like it was coming from an old intercom, it echoed eerily in the empty halls. The lights flickered a bit before blotting out sequentially, adding to the horror movie atmosphere. 

“Did you really think that we’d just let you go? No… no. You’re much too useful for us.” The voice continued. Rose didn’t say anything. She followed the voice to a touchscreen lock pad in front of a metal door and she didn’t hesitate to slam her already tight fist into it. It shattered on impact and pieces of plastic and glass littered the floor. 

“Well, someone’s grumpy! At least let me finish my monologue! I worked too hard on it!” The voice continued further away. Rose didn’t like being taunted. She was having a bad enough day as it was. She went to the next touchscreen pad and punched it. She just wanted the voice to stop. 

“We can keep doing this but property damage won’t fix your situation.” The voice grumbled from another further away speaker. 

“What do you want from me!” Rose yelled into the empty halls. 

“We want everything you can give. But we are willing to negotiate. We’ll let your sister go if you  surrender yourself to us.” 

“I thought negotiations required both parties to agree.” She said before she fully realized what had been offered. Her sister was alive, for now. That fact was both incredibly relieving and overwhelmingly anxiety-inducing. 

“That is our offer. Either she dies and we take you the hard way, or she lives and we get what we want. Simple.”

“Where is she!” Rose demanded. 

“Do you accept the deal or not?” 

“Yes, just let me see her, please,” Rose said desperately. 

“Good choice. There are people on their way to escort you to your sister. Thanks for doing business with us.” 

***

Rose was not glad to be back in cuffs and a godforsaken shock collar, but her sister was alive and would stay that way. That had to be something. 

She could feel the cold metal barrels of guns at her back and neck, she was surrounded by heavily armored Hydra agents who had no qualms about handling her roughly. She tried to appear strong and defiant but she was sure that they could see her tremble. One twitch if the trigger finger and she would be dead. Probably, she didn’t quite know the limits of her healing factor and she wasn’t keen on finding out. 

They turned a corner and there she was. Artemis was covered in blood and her left foot was pointing completely the wrong direction, but she was breathing and still had the sharp rage in her eyes. Right next to her was a stereotypical military man with a scar through his eyebrow and piercing his salt and pepper hairline. 

“Artie! You have to let me help her.” Rose ordered at the man who she assumed had been the voice she had heard earlier. 

“That wasn’t part of the deal. We let her go. That’s it. You should be thankful that we brought you to see her at all.” 

“If you don’t let me heal her, you’re going to regret it.” She snarled. The man laughed, it was harsh and mocking and going on for way too long. It made Rose even angrier. 

“What are you going to do? Heal my arthritis? You’re no fighter doc. She’ll be dead before you even lift a finger.” The man spat in Rose’s face, she didn’t wince and most of her energy went to keeping herself from ripping off the handcuffs and throttling the man until he turned blue. Although no one would see, a glow started to grow from the bones inside of her hands, illuminating her veins in a strange golden light. 

“Underestimating me isn’t good for your health, I should know. I’m a doctor.” 

“You know what, I’m sick of your attitude,” The man turned to the agents holding Artemis up, “Kill the sister. Maybe that will make this easier.” There was a click of a gun cocking before Rose reacted.

“No!” She yelled, but it was too late, the gunshot rang out and echoed among the silence and Artemis collapsed in a rapidly growing pool of blood. Rose felt like her bones were on fire, there was a blistering heat that encompassed every cell in her body. She could only hold it in for a couple seconds more. Just long enough for the man to look back at her and react in horror. 

Her bones glowed like they encapsulated all the light from the sun and her eyes glowed with the same light. Her skull and veins were visible through her skin and her messy hair started to defy gravity and reflect the light coming from her skin. The supernova of rage would explode any moment, there was nothing she could do to hold it back, but she didn’t really want to hold it back. 

It was like an explosion was continually off and Rose was in the center of it. There was a blast of bright golden light that blasted the hydra bastards around her to the ground. There were screams, but Rose didn’t hear them. 

There’s that saying of “too much of a good thing” that could apply. Too much healing meant bone where it shouldn’t be, skin where it shouldn’t grow, holes that shouldn’t be cut off. That’s what happened to anyone in the blast zone. The agents around her had shards of bone growing together, winding and twisting as if making an intricate Celtic knot. The bone grew from ribs, skulls, femurs, any large bone grew grotesquely beyond its limits and the small connective bones grew together making a terrifying group of intertwining statues. And that was just the agents around her. 

It took no effort for her to rip the handcuffs off, the shock collar was just as easy. She turned her head towards the uniformed man on the ground, trying to stumble away as his own body attacked him just by being in Roses presence. 

All she could feel was rage towards this man. She was so tired of being restrained. By chains or by her own need to keep her feelings from impacting her work. She was so so tired of it. Her power was connected to her emotions and she had always had to keep them in check, but not now. 

She walked steadily to the man trying to scramble away. His little rectangular glasses were broken and tilted on his nose. There was so much fear in his eyes. It made a strange scary little part of her happy. 

“Just a healer, no good for fighting…” She said, her voice was different, slightly non-human sounding. As if she was speaking as some ancient god, the kind whose voice could make an entire civilization fall to their knees. 

“You are right, this isn’t much of a fight.” She knelt down to look the man in the eyes. “If it was a fight, you would stand a chance.” 

“Stop this!” The man yelled shakily, “I’ll do anything!” He almost sobbed.

“You will not speak,” Rose said as the skin around the man’s mouth began to close in, “You will not see.” She whispered as she made his eyelids grow together. “You will not hear.” She hissed quietly. His ears slowly grew together as she said her last words to him. “You will be lucky to be saved, but you will not know. Actually, you would be lucky to die here. I’m sure you’d never want to run into me again. You should be glad that I didn’t just kill you for what you did to my sister. If anything, be fucking grateful.” 

She stood up, leaving the man on the cold ground. The room was quiet. No more screams. Only heartbeats. She didn’t kill a single person. With enough skill and time, they could all be saved. She planned to send out a distress signal, they would be found. But that was all she could ensure. 

The light faded. The flaming rage began to be replaced with empty sorrow and horror. She observed the room post-rage-explosion. She had never thought she was capable of anything like this. She had never thought that she could cause such… destruction. She breathed in a shaky breath and made herself look at her sister’s body. She gasped when she saw the rise and fall of her sister’s chest. She was breathing. She was still alive. 

 “Artie? Artie!” Rose ran to her sister and looked over her. There was no gunshot wound. Roses blast had healed her completely. Her eyes fluttered open when her sister reached her. 

“Hey… what…” Artemis wheezed, but Rose was already holding her in her arms and sobbing uncontrollably. For a while, they just held each other. Eventually, they were ready to leave. 

Rose was sure that hydra agents were still crawling in the ship but they stayed away from the sisters. There must’ve been some kind of surveillance of the event. They must know what happened somehow. Rose had no idea how but she was too tired, physically and emotionally, to care. 

They left the ship with no problems. They boarded Artemis’ hidden ship, perfect stealth tech that could change from a boat to a fighter jet, only big enough for three people at most if they really squeezed in. 

Rose sat in the co-pilot’s seat, though she wouldn’t be any help. Her sister would be doing all the work. It was silent as they shot off into the sky and hovered above the clouds for seemingly hours. She was using the holoscreen to look at her emails and had just switched to her super-secret SHIELD account. A certain email caught her eye. Its subject line was “Job Opportunity for Former SHIELD Agents” and it was from Stark Industries. Rose smiled a little. Maybe her life wasn’t over after all. 

[danosky7-blog]

8 keys towards achieving a successful career

1. Recognize what your goals are You must know your kind of person, before thinking of following a career route, . A large number of individuals go through channel their life path by devoting themselves through a well-designed pattern. The unfortunate part is, these people do not even appreciate what they do or they are not just familiar with how many other things they could do. To keep away from this hideous happening, you need to identify what your major life commitments are. Then, start going in details and make a detailed examination into what you should think about the connection between what your ambitions are and your objectives. You have to match these criteria. Otherwise, you will not be truly fulfilled with your professional life. Recognizing your goals takes some time and effort, but it is a truly important process in any successful person's journey. 2. Tailor your resume professionally Your resume is a way of selling yourself and saying  "I'm good at this, good at that, and I can help by doing this and that". Well, that is why you should create a professional, good looking resume. By ensuring that this is done, you are making sure that you'll be prepared for anything that is about to happen. They are opportunities everywhere, and you should always be ready with a quality resume. I believe that letting professionals deal with your resume is a productive choice. There are some amazing services like Careers Booster or Visual CV that can take care of your problem. They can help you to create a classic or impressive visual resume. 3. Become Aware of Your Strengths

Awareness is an essential key to personal improvement. By being aware of your inner thoughts, your strengths, your desires, and your disadvantages, you can adapt your life to whatever conditions you're being put through. You'll also get many benefits as you can leverage your knowledge and wisdom for the best purposes. It's better if you choose your long term profession according to what you know about yourself. Are you a patient person? Would you be able to sit eight to twelve hours in an office working on a computer? Or you'd rather be a football coach because you're truly passionate about football and you believe you could be an efficient trainer? No matter your strengths and disadvantages, you should choose a career path that advantages your traits and qualities. 4. Be responsible for your actions The major distinguishable factor between an amateur and a successful person is responsibility. Though you may know the concept, applying it every day is the tricky part. Assume responsibility whenever things go south. Even if you’re not involved in a wrong cause, being there, previous decisions you've made (like trusting someone), All these are factors being influenced by your thoughts and actions. Start assuming responsibility for all of your actions and desist from blaming anyone for the bad choices you make. That's the worst thing someone can do. Don’t take things to heart, be calm and observant. 

5. Balance your life

This is a powerful word and many of us struggle with it. I used to be one of those people who stuck to a rigid plan and, if that plan didn’t go as expected, I would easily become frustrated and stressed, usually taking those feelings out on my closest family members and friends. Then what was the point of my goal in the first place if I was miserable?

Over the years, I learned to adopt exercise and meditation in my daily routine. I continue to always have a plan and I encourage you to as well. However, I am now much more adaptable and flexible to all of life’s ups and downs. I am more aware that as I balance my commitments, I am still working toward and honoring my main goal. I may just have to flex my time differently than anticipated.

Adding more balance to my life has brought increased happiness and better health. My business time-management has actually improved (weird, huh?) and I am much more positive about reaching my own goals.

Make sure your life is balanced and allow yourself to have fun. If you are so committed to your goal that you fail to enjoy the little moments happening around you, then you are not having fun. Don’t let your goal become a pain and a negative element in your life. Think of ways to balance your life and add more fun without feeling guilty.

6. Be Committed towards a cause

Whether you are in a career or life transition, or a job search, there are decisions that must be made. You reach a junction just before you make those decisions,  once you make your decisions, stay on track and stay committed.

Make a commitment towards a cause. For example, If you are in a job search, then you most likely are committed to finding rewarding work. Similarly, If you are in a life transition, maybe you are committed to buying a new home. No matter what your goal is, It is Important to stay strong and run toward your commitment (your choice) with gusto and 100% dedication.

Have a mental picture of your goal every day and put it to paper and create a to-do list of tasks you need to accomplish in order to take positive and purposeful steps toward reaching your goal.

7. Always be prepared.

Do a thorough research, before any meeting or interaction, come up with good questions or solutions to problems.

8. Take initiative and follow-up. 

These are the bookends of success. Anticipate the needs of others. Use the 3 W's - What, Who and When - to clarify actions each party must take after meetings or conversations in the hallway.

[thesunshinedissociation]

A Maria-Centric View of Our System

I realized this morning that my hope when I tell friends about our plurality is that they’ll assume they’ve been interacting with several of us and thus their feelings towards the presumed singlet will just be re-understood as towards at least several of us, if not the whole system. But also as far as I know we haven’t really told anyone how to tell us apart. So, from my point of view, here’s something of a description of each of us. (Thankfully, as far as I can tell, I have a nice spot in the system for this.) I’ll go from most to least active. 

Maria: Me. Self-description is probably the hardest, but as best I can tell, I’m the one who’s best able to get desires going. Especially for pleasure. Like, whereas the others will be very lost trying to find something they want, I can be somewhat hedonistic at times. I also do get a lot done, which is good since I also have a lot of energy and a really good tolerance for being alone.  Some people don’t seem to like me as much, especially after some of my more reckless decisions. (I just noticed my name is one letter away from mania...) Which has made me all the more aware of how okay I am with being alone. Also, I feel about fifteen years old inside, and it can be kinda scary at times since I still have the responsibilities of someone ten years older.  I used to be pretty bad on a stimulant addiction. Lately I’ve noticed I don’t like nicotine. My drug tolerance seems generally lower. But, I also don’t have anorexic tendencies, nor do I have money anxiety. On the other hand, the others don’t love my love of candy and snacks. Nor do they always love when I go on spending sprees. Oh well. At least I enjoy myself. (The near-constant physical pain is less pleasant. As is being constantly overheated. While I’m often derealized, that’s not so bad because it makes the world less scary. I feel myself as very real, which is nice. The distorted perceptions are weird but workable. The ability to give myself a buzz without drugs is really fun.) I imagine I’m usually pretty identifiable by my energy. I’m also more concerned with my aesthetic than most of the others, but my external appearance usually ends up at least somewhat chaotic. 

Natalia: The caretaker of the group. We’re really close, usually able to talk to each other at will, switch with each other almost at will, and when one of us come around, the other is rarely far away. She’s pretty protective of all of us, and has run into conflict a few times when keeping everyone away to keep us safe. Our roomates say she’s remarkably responsible. Which is fair; most of the stuff that has to get done like cleaning the house or putting food in one of the anorexic/depressive alters falls on her. Sadly, she’s not as good at having fun. But she says she’s usually content. Which, hey, if being caring is what makes her happy, that seems alright. I appreciate having someone around to keep me calm when things go awry. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if half of my coping skills were just to turn to her for help. She’s also usually pretty easy to identify by behavior alone, I imagine. Like, her primary drive is to take care of anyone she cares about. She usually keeps her appearance more tame, but it’s not super important. 

Victoria: Sometimes she can feel really great, but it’s pretty fragile. On any day she’s out, there’s a good chance she’s going to crash hard. Usually because she can’t handle being alone, and will very quickly suspect that she’s too socially inadequate to carry on. She’s also more isolated in the system, especially since her falling out with Natalia and Lizzie a few months ago. (But they weren’t very compatible to start with.)  I’m not sure how much she has going for her besides some attachment problems. Either her appearance will be too depressed to even wear clean clothes or else when she’s doing well socially (or when ego-inflated by other means) she’ll make herself as attractive as she can. Which makes sense given her felt need to be attractive. (Thank goodness we all reflect externally enough to keep track of all of our problems.) If you look at the DSM entry on BPD, all nine criteria fit her pretty well. Though also she’s often tormented by Natasha. Her access to the rest of the system is pretty bad; she’s especially prone to amnesia, and she’s a bit in denial, still.

Natasha: The arch-persecutor. She’s angry and violent, usually towards us. She doesn’t really trust anyone outside the system, so she abuses us to keep us safe from them. I can’t remember her fronting for a long enough period of time to really have much to say about how she acts outside.  We’re learning to work with her. I hope someday she can be okay. As much as we fight, I do care about her. I understand why she’s easy to dislike, though.

Jeanine: She’s a bit farther away from me in the system so I don’t know her very well. I can see the playlist she made for herself on Spotify is totally the most unique. (We all share one account, and most of us have playlists for ourselves.) She can be way more fight-y than most. I used to think she was just basically the protector that followed Jasmine, but she’s spent enough time out on her own that I’m not so sure. (While interactions go in all sorts of directions, I seem pretty close with Natalia, Jasmine with Jeanine, and Victoria with Natasha.) She’s not as mean as Natasha, not as self-assured as I or Natalia, not as responsible as Natalia, not as energetic as me, but she is nonetheless aggressive, energetic, self-assured, and responsible.  The hard rock/heavy metal section of our closet basically only exists for her.

Jasmine: The other teenager in the system. Except she’s also about as sad as Victoria. Thankfully instead of having outbursts, she’ll just glue herself to a couch and sleep for two weeks excepting when she absolutely has to get up. And even then, while most of us can pull it together for a social obligation (like, Victoria can attempt suicide, fail, and then go to work or a party or whatever), Jasmine will actually call off.  Which I guess means when we actually need a break for whatever reason, she is the best-equipped to handle it. She’s also either aro/ace or close to it, so she’s useful for romantic failure. Though the intensity of her platonic feelings can be a bit much. As I write this, I’m realizing who’s going to be handling all the writing we have to do. Hint: It’s mostly me, featuring Natalia. Victoria will help when she’s not crashing. Jeanine and Jasmine are less helpful since their life ambitions are more artistic than academic. (Which is another good hint as to who’s out: We don’t even have the same long term ambitions!) I’m pretty sure she’s still the only one with her hairstyle. It looks good, so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else uses it sometimes. That said, she also easily puts the most effort into her appearance. (We make a good team, what with me having the will to buy nice clothes and her wanting to wear them. If only we got to be together more. Someday, hopefully.)

Emily: The child of the system. She’s seven years old, and she can’t talk. She also pretty much only comes out deep in the night or when there’s a fight. I imagine her childishness and silence is pretty identifiable. Everyone except maybe Natasha cares about her a lot. We do our best to take care of her, though admittedly we dream of someday someone else caring about her, too. Best I can tell, she’s stuck in a neverending flasback of trying to get help but finding nobody. I don’t know what trauma she’s holding, and I’m a little intimidated by the idea of finding out.

Lizzie: She used to be out more, I think. She wanted to get into politics and redirected our life in that direction for a bit. We all call her the bleeding heart of the group, though she’s less into the direct and forceful caring like Natalia and more into standing up for people and being a force for more widespread good. She also had quite the incident a few months ago in the inner world with Natalia and Victoria. She stopped coming out as much as Natalia picked up where she left off. Someone else will have to fill in more on her.

Olivia: She’s not out much, but also I know she feels pretty good about herself. Probably at least as good as I do about myself. She used to use our legal name, though mostly because she felt the most strongly connected with it. Like, she said for once she actually felt like that person. We realized her using that name is super confusing, though, and led people to think she’s the “core”, “original”, or otherwise the One Alter Worth Saving. Which is, on the one hand, just false. Maybe she was the first, but maybe Emily was! Or maybe I was! All being first means though is being the first one to form out of the not-yet-unified infant mind. If we ever do fuse, that will be removing the barriers between us, not destroying any of us. But that’s like putting a jigsaw puzzle together--there’s no “core piece” of a puzzle that all the others fuse to.  Anyway, I don’t know her super well because she’s not very active, inside or out. So I’m tapping into stuff from like six months ago. But hey, if we do get her out, she does at least know how to handle the social professional world pretty well. Or maybe her confidence and assertiveness just works to her advantage in our current setting.

Marina: Last seen in September, she’s not out much, and she’s incredibly intense. She’s closest to me, and I don’t see much of her. I imagine if I’m in dire need of someone to unleash hell outwardly, she might pop in? She really doesn’t like the system as a whole and will actively thwart others’ efforts. I think ever since I stopped being so apathetic towards the others she hasn’t had her chance to come out, since usually we’d tag team, me taking advantage of the system and her just destroying it. Now I take care of ourselves. (Maybe someone else will have a better view of her, though. Maybe I’m wrong about being closest with her.)

Adrianna: She hasn’t been around much lately, though she used to be. Only one who had to have a name assigned to her since her self-esteem is so low she wouldn’t give herself one. (She called herself “nameless” in our notebook. And if it wasn’t clear from the Olivia paragraph, some of us are trying to actually run this system instead of continuing the complete chaos that came from having a mysterious personality roulette for years.) I don’t remember her super well. I think she’s a bit more of a pushover than anyone else, at least. Like, Victoria may get attached, but she does at least know how to speak up for herself. Adrianna is good enough at handling troubling emotions to stay functional while keeping her suffering hidden. Though she does talk to us a lot when she’s out. 

Angelica: I know she exists, because she made a note of it in our notebook, but I don’t really know her. Not around much, to my knowledge.

-Maria

[elijah-hwcng]

𝒾'𝓂 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝑔𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 ｃｌｅａｒｅｒ/𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝒜𝒩𝒟𝒮 ɴᴏᴡ

╰ ☀ ✧ ˖ jeon jungkook. cismale. he/him ‖ 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥 (ɪᴛ ɪꜱ) ‖ have you seen elijah hwang at the beach recently? i remember them being so free-spirited, but they seemed a little neglectful today. it must be tough going through such hard times at only 22. even then, they still remind me of aerosol paint, over-sized hoodies, lipsticks stains on coffee mugs, and open upright pianos.

basics

name: elijah hwang

nicknames: ellie, lijah, el

age: 22

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: he prefers not to label it, but pansexual and demiromantic is probably the best description

tldr

he’s a sweet boy, doesn’t hurt people’s feelings intentionally, but he’s a little flirty, a bit of a heartbreaker. he’s great at turning on the charm but gets flustered very easily when it’s turned back on him.

has a twin brother, daniel. his bio (and their family background!) can be found here

growing up in the shadow of his twin, elijah often acts out rebelliously for attention (and maybe just to spite his perfect police officer brother a little bit)

despite that, he does care very deeply for daniel - after all, they came from the same egg or whatever - and isn’t great at expressing it, but daniel is probably the most important person in his life

tw: drug abuse, gang violence, death

got involved with the wrong crowd shortly after high school - the whole gang, drugs, ‘bad guy, duh’ kinda shebang. he was with this gang for years, getting quite the reputation and a lot of illegal money, tangled with the wrong kind of people and relationships

he traveled a lot, but when he heard daniel and his boyfriend had been jumped, it was a little too coincidental with the gang initiation he knew was happening in the same area - the very initiation he, himself, had approved of

he has never told daniel that he feels responsible for justin’s passing, but he was so filled with guilt that he has since left the gang, lost all his assets, and now works as a stripper to pay off his debts. he has never told daniel about the gang, but he says the debts are from drugs - which isn’t a total lie

(also he’s in a band and plays the keyboard)

bio

alright buckle up lads here comes the details

like i said, family history can be found in daniel’s bio (bc i’m lazy) but - since daniel was obviously their mother, stephanie’s, favourite, elijah often felt inferior and would act out for attention. i’m talking graffiti, being noisy in class, the whole shebang

his other mother, michelle, was obviously his favourite. equally doting to both her sons, elijah adores her and was often glued to her side as a kid. the only time he would obey the rules was when she asked him to listen - if stephanie asked, he would only rebel further

growing up, he and daniel were quite close, even if he did resent his brother for being - well - perfect - but how could he begrudge him for being successful?

elijah didn’t work hard in school - it wasn’t that he couldn’t get good grades, but more that he chose not to, getting grades only good enough that he could stay on the cheerleading squad

NOW LET’S LAY DOWN THE LAW. my mans might be cismale, but he LOVES pretty things. skirts, red lipstick, DANGLY EARRINGS? fam u got it. he loves that pretty shit. cheerleading squad made him wear pants for competitions n stuff but by senior year you know my boy is strutting the hallways in that little cheerleader skirt and pretty pink lipstick. call him a girl tho? he’ll punch u. or his twin will punch u. he’s a boy, thank you very much, and he doesn’t see why boys can’t enjoy pretty skirts and make up too without having to identify as a different gender.

he loves music and art - can play many instruments, and has played the piano since he was little. music and visual arts were the only subjects in school that he excelled in because he enjoyed it so much. he wanted to go to college and study them further, but his grades just weren’t high enough

so, fresh out of high school and not really knowing what to do with his life, elijah could see his brother figuring things out and heading off to the police academy while he... still didn’t know what to do

tw: drug abuse, gang violence, death

had a party phase, hitting up every club he could with his fake ID. it was only inevitable that soon enough he’d get into drugs and - well - with drugs and beautiful men and women, it wasn’t long before elijah found himself involved in a gang with heart eyes for a woman named melanie who showed him the ropes

his role was pretty standard - using his looks and charisma, he quickly became one of their best drug dealers, did a great job swindling thousands of dollars out of other gang leaders and sugar daddies and mommies alike

elijah wasn’t big in the violence side of things, more on the deception and drugs side of it, but he knew that the gang he was in had a lot of that going on. melanie assured him he wouldn’t have to ever kill anyone and she kept to that - although whether or not she did something like that wasn’t something he ever knew. the two of them traveled a lot together with the money he’d gain from their deals, and while they were never exclusive, it was potentially the closest thing to a real relationship he’d ever had

he was in italy when he got the news from daniel, and the timing was too coincidental with the report he’d received from the newest members of the gang. melanie told him he was overreacting - “that’s life, baby boy. your brother is just fine.” - and, seeing her so flippant about it, barely caring that his own brother had been attacked, it finally clicked that his rebellious thing had gone too far, and that this life wasn’t the one for him.

elijah took the first plane back to new york because he knew daniel needed him. the guilt was driving him insane - he knew it was his fault

cradling his broken brother to his chest, elijah made a vow to himself that he could never indirectly cause this to anybody else, but more importantly, that daniel could never, ever find out his involvement with the gang that took so much from him

for the sake of his brother, who he loves so much despite his struggles to show it, he decided to drop the gang, drop the drugs, and do his best to turn it all around

falling for melanie was both a blessing and a curse - if he hadn’t fallen, he probably wouldn’t have been so heavily involved in the gang, but because she had a soft spot for him, she managed to pull some strings and let him leave the gang alive

it cost him all of the illegal fortune he’d made over the years, however, and plunged him into a heavy debt to melanie, which is now why....

𝒴𝒜 𝐵𝒪𝐼 𝐼𝒮 𝐼𝒩 𝒯𝐻𝐸 𝒮𝒯𝑅𝐼𝒫𝒫𝐸𝑅 𝒮𝒬𝒰𝒜𝒟

since college still wasn’t an option, and now he had experience with using his looks and charisma to swindle money, elijah figured stripping wasn’t all too different

he knows his twin would give him the money if he told him he was in debt and in need of it, but to tell him, he’d have to admit of all the illegal activity he’d been involved in and admit to his role in justin’s passing - not to mention he knows daniel would have to throw him in jail if he knew that he’d been doing more a lot more than just drug dealing

instead, he tells his brother he strips because it’s fun and to get enough money to do an entrance exam and try out the whole college thing one day and that he has a slight debt from the drugs but he’s “almost done paying it”

as well as this, elijah is the keyboardist in the band killer nuns, and is happy to at least still be doing music

he still likes to wear pretty things, although he tends to prefer jeans these days, but will still wear pretty crop tops, dangly jewelery, and make up. if he feels like dressing up, out comes the silky skirts and dresses!

(and he still graffitis his art all over buildings illegally, but he knows his twin will bail him out every time)

wanted connections

first of all, if you made it this far, congrats! let’s get to business B)

roommate; ya boy is ,, broke . he can’t always meet the rent but he doesn’t mind paying your character back in less conventional ways. he would ask his twin for money, but he doesn’t want daniel to know he’s struggling financially (taken: isaac lee)

good influence; your character knows elijah is only rebellious because he feels attention-starved - with patience and affirmation, they remind him of his favourite mother and can often convince him to tone things down

partner-in-crime; this person is a free spirit, and the two of them get into all kinds of mischief, whether it’s spray painting a building or dabbling in those drugs he decided to leave behind (taken: isaac lee) (but -- would be open to ONE more partner in crime if u rly liked the sound of it uwu)

regular client; your character knows elijah is only flirty for the money, yet finds themselves coming back every time for another taste

tutor; look... my mans out here tryna get into college. he won’t admit it but he wants to make his brother proud. help a brutha out. tutor him so he doesn’t fail his entrance exams. pls. (taken: yeri song)

gym buddy; lmao a stripper gotta stay in shape somehow man

dress up buddy/platonic wifey; note: this is a connection specifically for a female character! there is ZERO sexual desire here despite the constant “when we’re 30, we’re gonna get married and make some babies” jokes and ocassional ass-grabbing. they’re comfortable af w each other. she helps him with his make up and they go shopping together and give each other cute little fashion shows in their new pretty clothes. she’s affectionately named ‘wifey’ in his contacts list and it’s not uncommon for elijah to give her a chaste kiss in greeting and say ‘honey, i’m home’. they’ve probaly considered hooking up before but figured things would be weird and that they’re better off as friends.

hook-ups; he’s demiromantic, so he’s not gonna get a crush easily, but  he likes sex and he likes pretty people so . have at him ;)

[a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives]

Ready for lift-off

Espionage thriller Summer of Rockets is the first screen work from acclaimed writer/director Stephen Poliakoff to draw on his own life, set in 1958 at the height of the Cold War. He and executive producer Helen Flint talk to DQ about merging fact and fiction.

As a writer and director for the screen over the past four decades, Stephen Poliakoff has been behind work that has amassed numerous Bafta, Emmy, Golden Globe and Peabody awards. The playwright, who learned his craft in the theatre, counts series and films such as Perfect Strangers, The Lost Prince, Friends & Crocodiles, Gideon’s Daughter, Joe’s Palace and Capturing Mary, as well as recent dramas Dancing on the Edge and Close to the Enemy, among his extensive credits.

Yet for all his fascination with the past – among many examples, Dancing on the Edge trails a black jazz group in 1930s London and Close to the Enemy is set in the aftermath of the Second World War – his latest series is the first to draw on his own family and life experiences.

Written and directed by Poliakoff, Summer of Rockets is a semi-autobiographical drama set during 1958, a year that marked the height of the Cold War as fear and suspicion clashed with the start of the mobile revolution and the Space Race. It was also the last time debutants were presented to the Queen at Buckingham Palace and the year of the Notting Hill riots in West London.

Stephen Poliakoff, writer and director of Summer of Rockets, pictured during filming

Poliakoff says the fact it is partly based on his own life marks Summer of Rockets out as “significantly different” from anything he’s done for the screen before.

“My first real memories are from this time – I was five in 1958 – so I could feel, even as a small child, the apprehension in the air, the feel of nuclear war,” he says. “The Russians were the enemy and yet I was half-Russian, so that made me feel an extraordinary sense isolation as a child. I was also sent to boarding school, as we see in the story, and was the only Jewish boy there. That was why I was drawn to this time.

“There’s a lot of resonance for us now, as Russia again seems to be our enemy and there is also unfortunately, tragically, anti-Semitism in Europe and it’s coming back to the UK. Well, it never goes away. But above all, it was a sense of the absolute epicentre of the Cold War; the fact nobody could be trusted, especially if they were foreigners.”

Another parallel between that period and today, he notes, is the “humiliation” of the Suez Crisis in 1958, which left Britain “a laughing stock” on the world stage. “Things have happened since I’ve written the piece and we’ve become a laughing stock for very different reasons, with people harking back to a sense of our past glories, which also plays a part in the story,” Poliakoff says. “This is not a story about Brexit or a metaphor for it, but nevertheless there are resonances in the piece.”

Toby Stephens (Black Sails) stars as Samuel Petrukhin, a Russian Jewish émigré modelled on Poliakoff’s father Alexander, an inventor and designer of hearing aids, whose clients include former UK prime minister Winston Churchill. The series also focuses on Samuel’s wife, Miriam (Lucy Cohu), and their children, Hannah (Lily Sacofsky) and Sasha (Toby Woolf). In the show, having developed a new paging system for hospitals, Samuel is is approached by the UK’s domestic intelligence agency MI5 to demonstrate his work.

Set in 1958, the series stars Toby Stephens as Samuel, who is based on Poliakoff’s father

However, it’s not his inventions the agency (led by Mark Bonnar’s mysterious Field) is interested in but his fledging friendship with MP Richard Shaw (Linus Roache) and his wife Kathleen (Keeley Hawes), who also introduce him to Lord Arthur Wellington (Timothy Spall). As Samuel’s life becomes intertwined with his mission, he is left to question how far he is willing to let things unravel for his cause and who he can trust.

It was Poliakoff’s discovery that his father had been suspected of bugging Churchill’s hearing aid, a revelation he first heard when a journalist contacted him about newly released government papers in 2007, that sparked the story behind Summer of Rockets,

“It took me a long time to think about writing it because it meant revisiting my youth and a very traumatic time at boarding school,” he says. “I also tend to write slightly away from my immediate family experience because I find it easier to invent like that. But, after quite a considerable while, because the story kept haunting me, I broached it to the BBC.”

His father’s work, he explains, is truthfully reflected in the story by his hearing aids business, the deaf workers he employs in the factory and his invention of the paging system, which he created for St Thomas’ Hospital in London.

“But I always saw that as a jumping-off point for Keeley’s side of the story,” Poliakoff continues. “My father was besotted with everything English; he was a real anglophile. He was a Russian Jew but he wanted to be an English gentleman, so there’s the story of him being involved in this English upper-class family who have their own darkness and trauma hidden away in a magnificent house. They have charm and grace, they entertain people, but this covers a deep unhappiness.

“My father would have loved to have been entertained in such a house, so that was what led me from that jumping-off point for the fictitious side of the story, but it’s based on the sort of things my father loved and was attracted to by English life and aspired to. The story curve shows Samuel learning that he doesn’t want to be the perfect English gentleman.”

Bodyguard and The Durrells star Keeley Hawes plays Samuel’s wife,  Miriam Richard’s wife, Kathleen

Through the first episode, the story is laid bare against the backdrop of rockets being launched and rising anxiety over what might lie ahead, coupled with the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder that stem from the still-raw fallout of the Second World War. Samuel’s technological achievements also shine a light on how industry was set to move forward rapidly over the next decade.

“When you have six hours of television drama, it’s a big canvas. The joy of longform is that you can build a complex world and you can delve deeper into character than you can in a two-hour movie,” Poliakoff says. “It’s great to try to be ambitious when you’re given that length of screen time.”

Helen Flint, MD of Little Island Productions and Poliakoff’s long-time producing partner, admits the writer’s outlines need very little development as they are often fully formed, “very detailed and very ambitious” by the time she becomes involved.

“The thing is to identify where and how you’re actually going to make it happen,” she says. “Both of us have been around far too long. Therefore, between us and the heads of department, we can work out how to put this on the screen, which is our craft.”

With all of Poliakoff’s work filmed on location, the first task on Summer of Rockets was to find the house belonging to Richard and Kathleen Shaw, which is a constant presence during all six episodes. They eventually settled on Benington Lordship, a grand setting close to Stevenage, 35 miles north of London, which is notable for the Norman keep adjoining the 17th century house and expansive gardens.

Catastrophe’s Mark Bonnar plays the head of MI5

“The other important thing was when to film it, because getting lucky with sunshine in this country is not a given – so the schedule is everything,” Flint says.

Finding London streets that could double for the time period also proved problematic, with the slums of Notting Hill in 1958 far removed from the affluent neighbourhood it is today. Another set piece saw a queue of 1950s cars lined up along The Mall, leading to Buckingham Palace, which was filmed early in the morning to avoid the crowds of tourists usually occupying the area.

“It takes a huge amount of work, more work than anybody would imagine, weeks and weeks, and then huge amounts in post-production just to paint out silly lines and stuff like that,” Flint says of filming in London. “After that, it’s all of the countryside, the driving [scenes] and the minutiae. But because we’ve got a cast that is working all the time, we have to try to jigsaw them all in, which is very complicated at certain points. Once you have those actors, the schedule is dictated by that. Then other problems come to the fore because if they’re not available, you can’t do the locations. London exteriors are the hardest, and then piecing it together is a massive jigsaw.”

In some cases, however, the reality on which some of the series is based was too extreme to be dramatised. Poliakoff decided to tone down scenes where Sasha is at boarding school, as his own experiences at school were too “draconian” to be depicted exactly as he remembered.

Summer of Rockets debuts on BBC2 tomorrow

“When I started writing it, I realised it had to be more interesting and more inventive than the actual thing I experienced, which in reality was relentlessly grim,” he says. “A little bit of that was fine, but I didn’t think an audience would stand for that being repeated in each scene. So, oddly enough, the bit that was closest to reality was the most difficult to write.”

The series sees Poliakoff reunited with Stephens, who starred in his 2001 family reunion drama Perfect Strangers, while this was his first time working with Hawes despite having known her since she was just 19. “She starred in my wife Sandy Welch’s adaptation of Our Mutual Friend 20 years ago,” he recalls of the actor, who has recently starred in Line of Duty, The Durrells and Bodyguard. “I’ve known her for some time and we’ve always wanted to work together. She’s phenomenal in her role, which is a really very juicy role, so I’m thrilled. I think she gives one of her greatest performances.”

Following Summer of Rockets’ launch on UK pubcaster BBC2 tomorrow, all six episodes will be made available on the pubcaster’s VoD platform iPlayer. The drama is distributed internationally by BBC Studios. “‘Bingeable’ is not the prettiest word but, actually, I think my work was born to be binged,” Poliakoff notes. “People over the years have always told me they’ve sat down to watch something like Perfect Strangers, which is only four hours long. They tend to watch the first part and then they’re there four hours later.

“So I very much hope the story has that effect. It does have quite a powerful story that gathers and evolves and changes. It’s great for people to watch it in a linear way or in an immersive way. Either way, I hope people will really get into it.” - Michael Pickard (Drama Quarterly)

[ssironstrange]

about me

so because i haven’t done one of these since i hit like.. 100 followers? and i don’t feel like digging through my shit to reblog it again, and i’ve gotten a few personal asks...

i go by moki. a select few of you know my real name and i don’t mind yall using it when talking to me one on one, but moki has been my moniker for the last 20 years give or take and i highly prefer it.

i’ll be 30 in october (and high-key freaking out about it. rip.)

i really, honestly, truly do not care what pronouns you use for me. the closest thing i identify as is genderfluid. i’m biologically female and present that way most of the time just because i’m 1. lazy 2. live in one of the most conservative states in america and 3. extra lazy and just don’t want to Deal With It. but personally i feel pretty androgynous so whatever you feel comfortable calling me is fine by me.

i’ve never known wtf to say my sexuality is so i just file it under generic queerness. consenting human adult who is not related to me is my sexuality. there you go. i’m also polyamorous with a non-poly s/o and we’ve been together for 9 years. with that in mind please don’t get all weird with me. i’ve yet to have that problem but hey, never know.

i’m super open minded. very few things are off limits for me to talk about. tmi doesn’t exist with me. i’ll talk to you about weird sex stuff, i really don’t care. i’ll talk to you about mental illness. i’ll talk to you about your daily boring life. i don’t judge and i will always try to be supportive in whatever way i can. if you need to vent just hit me up. don’t even need to ask. just rant and bitch at my dms as much as you need to!

i have pretty severe ADD and it was only diagnosed a couple of years ago and it’s been a royal fucking bitch trying to treat it. i was doing pretty well on adderall but i built up a tolerance and can’t go any higher with it. on vyvanse now and i really don’t like it. probably won’t be switching to anything else anytime soon though. going through med changes is just so exhausting. and expensive. so, yanno, sometimes i can be spacey af while other times so fucking hyperfocused on something i can’t shut up about it. 

also went from your basic general depression to severe major depression in the span of like 2 years and tbh i’m still very slowly crawling my way out of it. fucking ironically tumblr has really helped with that LOL i spent my entire life around toxic, abusive, and negative environments so those are like the last thing i ever want to be. thus, i try to stay pretty positive. i cope with humor, too. so yeah, despite my cheerfulness and joking i’m usually pretty down.

got that hella bad anxiety on top of it all. most of mine is social anxiety, but in general i’m a pretty fuckin anxious person. coupled with my add my mind can be a terribly loud place sometimes. those two also give me some baaaaad insomnia every once in a while.

and like all that wasn’t bad enough, i’ve also got pcos and all the wonderful imbalances that come with it.

i never get enough sleep. my usual is 5 hours a night. about once a month i’ll sleep for like 20 hours straight. super not healthy but i can’t help it always. tired is my state of existence. 

i’ve been in various medical fields for like... 8ish years. jobless currently as of last week but w/e i’ll find something soon i’m sure.

i have 4 cats. i love cats. i’m that person that cries when they talk about how much they love cats. i’m wearing a cat shirt right now. in cat pj pants. with two cats sleeping next to me. i fucking love cats. kittens are my weakness. had 5 cats, but in january we very suddenly lost one of them to either viral meningitis or brain tumor (most likely tumor since the others didn’t get sick. i didn’t want an autopsy done) and tbh i’m still not over it. i honest to fucking god love them like my children, more than i love most other people. it felt like a part of me died with him and i miss him so much every damn day.

i’ve been told i come off as confidant on here?? lmao thats so far from the truth. i have so little confidence. what i do have is an enormous lack of fucks to give about a lot of things - one of the only perks of getting older i’ve found. i’m quiet and weird and super self-conscious and awkward and i legit only have like 2 irl friends bc i don’t make them easily. i don’t like talking - like with my voice. i’d for real be mute if i could.

music is super important to me. theres only a handful of genres i don’t like. i’m basically listening to it constantly.

anyway, there you go. some stuff about me. enjoy i guess?

[doorsclosingslowly]

disjointed notes about nightbrothers, sexual orientation and gender, since i’m apparently posting background reasoning today

[content warning for rape and transphobia, as was to be expected considering the canon information i’m extrapolating from]

my basic model of how nightbrother/Nightsister society works is:

a child is born. if She is a Sister[*][**], She is raised by Her Mother; if he is a boy, he is returned to his father’s village. he’ll be raised in the house his father belonged to, usually; occasionally, the Sister talks directly to the village elders, who then give the boy to his brothers by the same Mother; boys will also be taken in by other nightbrothers, if there is no identifiable blood relation. this happens too if a young boy loses his brothers later on. they’re mostly raised communally anyway: they are all each other’s brother. that’s what they call each other. direct blood relation is a difference of degree, not kind. they work together, keeping each other alive and paying tribute to the Sisters. (the Sisters keep detailed records of who is related to whom, but they do not share.) (this is basically the settlement that wrath reached with the Witch in the stories: allow me to raise my child. allow me to hold him, if only for a few years. obviously, it’s been twisted--now: give my son to my brothers. the father does not return.)

when a nightbrother has reached late adolescence, he will be made to stand in the square, for the Sister to choose--if She wants--to participate in the Trials. in the fight that follows, most injuries are not lethal, and the losers crawl back to their brothers to heal and stand in the square once more

when a brother proves his strength and remains the last man standing and is chosen by a Sister as a mate, he leaves with Her and lives in her own home and becomes Her personal servant. he sires Her children. he is totally isolated from his family, from other men, and from other Women. the degree of cruelty is Her choice.

some brothers are sent back, eventually, like stinger who shut down emotionally. the Sister who took him didn’t want to lie with someone who was as lively as a corpse, and She didn’t want to kill him. brothers who are returned become the elders of the village. (savage thinks: He needs to get out, get back alive, get back to his brother, and he will never see him again if She sees his abject fear. Because nightbrothers do come back sometimes from their trials, callous ones and kind ones and small ones and tall ones without rhyme or reason, limping home from the Sisters and falling into drink, and Savage has always wondered at the Elders calling their return a kindness. Calling their own survival merciful, when they have grown hard and cruel for it. and he’s kinda right: they are deeply traumatized, and all too often, they cannot forget the fate that awaits all the young brothers around them. they look at a young boy and see a corpse.)

alternatively, if a Sister tires of Her mate--or has too many sons and doesn’t like Her Sisters’ judgmental looks--She kills him. She might then take another.

i think savage is aroace, but in-universe, i don’t think any nightbrother has a concept of sexual orientation remotely comparable to ours. sexual orientation implies agency: conversely, why would it matter whether you are attracted to women, when it is your duty? when you cannot escape?

there are many nightbrothers who have sex with other nightbrothers, for reasons including sexual attraction and love and affection and the wish to share all their lives forever and the desire for closeness, and some that don’t, but:

it’s not an identity. also, notice this makes no reference to women whatsoever. there’s wanting to sleep with other men, and there’s not wanting to sleep with other men. nightbrother society (and Nightsister society) are pretty much exclusively homosocial. friendship, choosing to share your bed, rivalry, intimacy--that’s what you have with another nightbrother. cross-gender interaction is intensely regulated and unequal. it’s difficult to have a deep relationship with someone so far above (or below) you, and a nightbrother cannot refuse--cannot be honest to--a Nightsister. if there are man-Woman couples that genuinely care for each other, they’re looked at askance by both societies. (also it’s still dubious consent at best.)

nightbrothers do not see sex with men and sex (rape, though that’s not how they see it) with Women as acts belonging to the same category. being chosen by a Sister is mating, breeding, terrifying, duty, purpose--ultimately, death--whereas sleeping with nightbrothers is choice, a fact of life. bisexuality would be the most fundamentally incomprehensible sexual orientation: the idea that there is a word thats put those two actions together is as if there was an adjective for ‘likes bicycles and grass’. why those two things?

w/r/t gender -- physical appearance at birth  ≠ gender ≠ exclusively man or woman ≠ presentation ≠ something immutable and so on and so forth, but to the nightbrothers there is no distinction. gender is a caste, inescapable, the most important fact about you, and it governs your whole life and decides whether you are slave or slaver. (Savage is caught, for a moment, by the thought of the Mother with a nightbrother’s face. It shakes him. How would he know who to trust, and who to serve?) it’s interesting for me to write, this claustrophobic exaggerated cisnormative pov, considering i have a difficult relationship with gender but the closest approximation is ‘no please don’t’

occasionally i’m tempted to think about nonbinary or intersex or transgender nightbrothers or nightsisters, but i know the consequences for them would be horrible--these borders must not be crossed, so the structure of society is not questioned--so i shy away. more seriously i’m playing with writing a conversation about gender between savage and socvumo (gender-nonconforming twi’lek woman) because she knows the violence of gender intimately but she knows it as something imposed from the outside--what is the use of a twi’lek woman if she is not pretty--whereas her own people’s view of gender are far more relaxed and fluid. or eldra (also a twi’lek, but she’s not my OC so i’m more constrained. as a Jedi--luminous beings are we, vessels of the force not mere bodies--she has an interesting perspective though)

__

[*]   by the way, Sister and brother are also synonymous with Nightsister and nightbrother; usually i’m not talking about a sibling relationship. as with the capitalization pattern, this is wording i tend to use in savage’s pov

[**]   i really don’t understand why they look so different. i’m way more interested in sociology than biology, though, so i’m just handwaving it. a couple of theories i’ve considered are: phenotypically nonstandard fetuses (i.e., dathomiri zabrak women, paleskinned men, mixed looks) are somehow unviable or the babies are killed at birth, they’re both hermaphroditic species though in that case why would you need the mating in the first place, the gffa is weird, none of the writers gave a fuck

[ofshilohs-blog]

heyho, hi ! i’m incredibly late jane ( pls just ignore that the accepted post says sylvia .. i was v insecure if u catch my drift ), twenty, she & her and from the glorious gmt+2 tz. along with being an avid dc & marvel fan, memes cause 90% of my laughs which .. is sad now that i think about it but Anyways ! you’re here for shiloh and not me ( mayhaps a little bit. here’s to hoping right. ) read below at ur own risk, you’ve been warned alright .. also if you want to plot just hmu or like this & i’ll im you later !

SHILOH HARTELL — wait, you mean the AMETHYST ? yeah, i’ve heard of HER before. they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old DANIELLE CAMPBELL lookalike and identify as DEMIGIRL. people often describe them as THE ARCANE of this island. i definitely agree, though. i mean, not to be rude or anything but shiloh can be kinda PEREMPTORY and PARADOXICAL, but everyone has their bad days. however, they’re also TRUSTWORTHY and DILIGENT, which makes people admire them so much. i guess what i’m trying to say is that they’re a true gem.

BACKGROUND ( TW: CAR ACCIDENT, COMA & ALCOHOL/SMOKING MENTION )

first things first .. you can click on each word to find shiloh’s bio & headcanons but i don’t want u to waste five mins of your life so i’ll try to cut it down to three. SKSKJ

besides that i’m actually kind of proud of this kind of social media page ?? so mayhaps look at it .. if u want.

really getting started now though

born april hartell in toronto in 1996, before her younger brother june was born one year later.

( for the sake of .. lbr everything i’ll just go on calling her shiloh bc otherwise it’ll be too confusing w/ april & shiloh ) in her early yrs shiloh used to envy june and the way their parents always preferred him, but fast forward to now and shiloh’s soo very glad they did. she taught herself numerous things she probably would have never considered if she wasn’t “ignored” a good few months and even after she brought up being left out to her parents it continued.

when shiloh was twelve, her brother was diagnosed with copd or more commonly known as smoker’s lung, an obstructive lung disease which only caused the family dynamic to spiral down.

after the news sunk in the hartell’s did everything for their brother/son and during those times shiloh and june actually grew close. shiloh mostly took care of her brother when their parents went out or simply had to recharge. ( the next few sentences are from her bio bc it’s 2am n i’m tired bear with me plS ) nonetheless graduating was just as important as taking care of june. shiloh has been known as some kind of a contradiction during her school years, always being excessively studious and getting straight a’s while being surrounded by other popular kids due to being the cheerleading co-captain. at the time her schoolmates didn’t know anything about shiloh’s home life as she preferred to keep it that way. hanging out with them gave her a few hours of calmness, despite most of them trashing other people’s property or trying to set her up with the most basic but popular guy, until they realized she apparently had no interest in any form of relationship. but what no one, except for her brother, knew was that shiloh in fact had a friends with benefits agreement with some messed up guy from a local university. shiloh always told june it wasn’t serious in the slightest and she probably wouldn’t even talk to him if he didn’t have his own demons to deal with.

shiloh always blamed her father for june’s disease as it was caused by him smoking every day and having june next to him almost all the time. while shiloh never wanted to become like her father, years later she believes she did despite trying truly everything not to.

at age eighteen shiloh changed her name legally, now using april as a middle name and nickname for her parents to use. ( once again copied from her bio rip ) ever since graduating shiloh started making videos to compensate for the lack of other distractions, as she wasn’t interested in meaningless hookups anymore either. being exposed to even more knowledge and terms than before, the brunette found herself more and more.

while spiralling down due to constant pressure at home and online shiloh had weak moments of consuming too much alcohol which only caused to cloud her judgement. it was june’s eighteenth birthday when shiloh made a fatal mistake, driving while intoxicated caused their car to hit a tree and damage its occupants.

it wasn’t until one month later that shiloh woke up from a coma, as disorientated and concerned as ever. when she caught the sight of her brother without any severe injuries shiloh was finally able to breathe normally again, not realizing her heart rate went up significantly just moments before.

even though june always claimed the crash didn’t worsen his condition, shiloh kept blaming herself just like she blamed their father for what he did to her younger brother. during that time shiloh started seeing similarities between herself and him that didn’t even exist.

once again distancing herself from her family shiloh put out more and more videos. as she gained subscribers rapidly, shiloh decided to talk about her private life for the first time publicly, hoping it’ll help people in similar situations.

getting mostly positive feedback and encouraging comments, shiloh approached her family again. she tried making peace with her own mind about everything that happened in the past, almost promising herself to not act the same way ever again.

as june’s condition got worse year after year, it hit its lowest point in 2016. no temporary treatment helped and the family’s former inherited fortune shrunk every year after trying one high-priced experimental endeavour prior to another. shiloh and her family got closer during that time once again, but her parents also insisted on her being able to have a life on her own. 

while applying to the closest car shop to become a mechanic, shiloh cut all ties to social media in the process after making one last youtube video explaining why. 

as her family heard of the gem theory they believed it’d be for a good cause to set shiloh up for it. being skeptical at first, shiloh put more thought into it. what if it meant the money she’d receive could be used for yet another attempt at finding a cure for her brother, or even the organization itself developing one ? after a few tests shiloh was all too familiar with, the result of being a perfect fit for the project surprised her to a degree. while hoping to partake in the experiment for the sake of her younger brother, shiloh simultaneously didn’t want to leave her hometown for the very same reason. having a long talk with june, however, convinced shiloh to be a part of the gem theory. still being skeptical, she hoped for some kind of silver lining.

PERSONALITY ( TW: ALCOHOL & SMOKING MENTION )

as mentioned above shiloh is very eager to learn about basically everything. she always needs something to keep her occupied. as megan abbott once wrote there's something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls and while the quote is only semi-fitting it definitely can be used to describe shiloh’s high school years, always fooling around and screwing up while maintaining this picture perfect kind of image as co-captain of the cheer squad and a straight a student.

contradiction has always been a big part of shiloh, balancing between two stereotypes if you will: nerd vs. popular kid, first born vs. being the “lesser” child, being incredible romantic vs. meaningless hookups, keeping all feelings in vs. letting them all out at once, not believing in anything that can’t be touched/seen vs. believing in aliens.

absolutely despises cigarettes, blunts and everything else that can be smoked.

believes that wearing glitter as highlighter takes her closer to the stars and aliens.

the only alcoholic beverage she regularly consumes is any type of red wine.

for the first time in her life, shiloh’s been away from her family for more than a month. while appreciating being able to live her own life, homesickness hits her a lot.

shiloh’s a very structured person, disliking chaos and things that don’t seem to make any sense. suffering from ocd especially intensifies the former along with spending up to an hour with things such as rearranging belongings again and again, something others probably wouldn’t even notice. back when shiloh did youtube videos those had to have a certain length as well, sometimes even having to be re-filmed.

being on the island gives shiloh a bad taste in her mouth more often than not with everything that happened. as she’s a person who doesn’t necessarily likes being observed after her online presence, shiloh’s reminding herself of the promise she gave her family of not returning without anything more than ever.

this was all soo v serious omfg. but have this little fun ig tidbit that the only meme shiloh’s familiar with is that snl sketch dear sister bc she used to love the o.c. which inspired it so have that. keysmash

WANTED CONNECTIONS

alrigHT this is not to toot my own horn bc Yikes ! MXALDKS but i’m best at brainstorming and rambling when it comes to connections but will try to add some general ones to this part later or tomorrow as in monday bc it’s already past 3am n i’m [ madison beer vc ] dead.

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: Kaguya-sama: Love is War

I have nothing clever to open with, so instead:

"You fall in love with someone, confess that love, and become a couple.  Everyone would say that’s a wonderful thing.  But they’re wrong!  Even among sweethearts, there exists a distinct power relationship!  A side that exploits and a side that’s exploited, a side that’s devoted, a side receiving devotion, a winner and a loser!  If you’re trying to live a noble life, then you mustn’t become a loser.  Love is war!”

— from the opening narration of today’s topic, Kaguya-sama: Love is War (2019)

Episodes watched: 9

Gigguk summed this show up in his video summarizing the Winter 2019 season by saying it poses "one of the most important questions in modern philosophy: if a tsundere and a tsundere liked each other, would they ever find out?"  Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane are, respectively, the vice president and president of the student council at their elite private school.  The former is an heiress waited on by servants, the latter worked his way in from a family that is poor by elite private school standards.  Both are serious, brilliant, and manipulative, but totally inexperienced in romance and consumed by crushes on each other that they are unwilling to confess because they each suspect the other's crush and want to get the other to admit it first.

This is all summed up at the beginning of episode 1 in the melodramatic intro narration which starts with what I quoted above then carries on for three additional minutes of exposition explaining the main characters and setting.  Then again at the beginning of ep. 2.  Then just when you think they'll pull it a third time, they fast forward through it at the beginning of ep. 3 and from 4 on they switch to either cold opens or jumping directly into the opening theme.  I bring this up because it’s exactly the kind of nice touch this show relies on as it makes the serious and kind of pompous into the hilarious.  They knew just how long to keep that running joke going.

Kaguya and Miyuki's almost-a-relationship is shown to us in slice-of-life vignette style, usually three per episode.  Like Azumanga's vignettes, these start out as self-contained shorts but gradually turn into multiple segments of episode-long stories as the season progresses.  Their strategizing about trying to initiate a relationship is, as you might expect, the main driver of the show’s plot and comedy.  Mundane conversations turn into extensive exposition dumps in the characters' imaginations and almost heist-movie-like walkthroughs of their plans as they try to guess what the other will do, and the show finds humor in the sheer self-consciousness and absurdity of those plans -- as when Kaguya and Miyuki both lie about forgetting their umbrellas in hopes that the other will romantically offer to share their own and go through strategic inner monologues about how they contrived this.  The show also exaggerates the mundane visually by borrowing from the particular kinds of shots heavy on motion lines and exaggerated movements that would be used for straight drama in an action or sports anime.  Miyuki's utter failure to play volleyball would not be nearly as funny if it weren't presented as a training montage.

Each vignette is framed as being a contest between them, and a winner and/or loser (usually just a loser) is declared at the end of most of them.  This format is pretty funny on its own, but it would probably get tedious if not for recurring characters who stir things up and upend their metaphorical chessboard mid-game, often leading to vignettes that conclude with neither winning.  Student Council Secretary (and close friend of Kaguya) Chika Fujiwara is much more expressive and extraverted than the others, introducing her own colorful and eccentric interests and habits and small doses of chaos that interfere directly with the would-be couple's predictions of each other's behavior -- and turns out to have at least as thorough an understanding of Kaguya and Miyuki's thought processes and habits as they do of each other's.  Treasurer Yu Ishigami, a first-year the others do not know well but recruited due to his sheer skill, is the polar opposite of Chika: pessimistic to the point of likely depression and terrified of Kaguya.  He is, if anything, the closest the show has to an antagonist when he does things like obliviously offend the other councilmembers or attempt to institute a "happiness tax" on students in relationships.  And that's not even getting into Kaguya’s valet/confidant Ai Hayasaka, or the other budding couple who come to Kaguya and Miyuki repeatedly to receive their questionable relationship advice.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War is just delightful and I strongly recommend it.  The manga is still ongoing and even though I'm not done with this season yet, I already want a second one.

-----

W/A/S: 5 / 2 / 3

Weeb: More foreign in execution than content, although there are some specific Japanese tropes that come off as nonsense if you're unfamiliar with them, like Chika saying the thunder god will take her belly button.  As mentioned above, there is a lot of visual style borrowed from action and sports anime used for comedic effect, and it's probably funnier if you've seen some uses of that seriously first.  Some points at which a joke neither quite translates well nor gets replaced by a joke with a similar that works better in English — most egregiously, an entire sketch that is built around a pun that doesn't translate but also isn't explained, leaving the audience potentially shocked and confused (see Stray Observations).

Ass: No fanservice.  Lots of sexual jokes, mostly playing off of Kaguya being not only inexperienced with but sheltered from sexuality, plus the general kinds of comments you might expect real teenagers to make.

Shit (writing): A few bits of the subtitle translation seem clunky or off but I can't quite place why.  The melodramatic narrator is very funny at first but his exposition/explanation dumps eventually get tedious.  Otherwise, no complaints here.

Shit (other): Yet another show suffering from occasional very low frame rate, but it otherwise looks great and is absolutely full of those exaggerated reaction faces that you get in a lot of comedy anime.  There are two different ending animations, which is interesting.  Other people online are fixated on Chika's dance, but I really like the other ending, Kaguya's elaborate dream of an action-adventure with the rest of the Student Council.

Content: Nothing in particular.

-----

Stray observations:

- Hey, uh, translators writing subtitles?  Please, please, please, if there is a pun that can't even be replaced by a joke with a similar format in English, put some kind of note explaining it.  I had to end up relying on an unverified forum post and Google Translate to piece together the "wiener" sketch in ep. 7.  Allegedly, "chinchin" means "begging", then somehow obtained a euphemistic use as a term for penis (the use most weebs are familiar with), then because of that euphemistic meaning also got used as an informal term for sausage.

- My wife has described Chika as basically her type.  This comes as a great relief to me, as her usual comments on anime girls consist mostly of identifying way too strongly with all the yanderes.

- A recurring background music piece, used approximately as a leitmotif for Kaguya, reminds me a lot of the theme from Doki Doki Literature Club...  Oh dear.  Maybe that’s why Yu is so scared of her.

[flyswhumpcenter]

The Eyes Watching Your Back - Chapter 1

Chapter 2: [TBA]

Summary: Angie's sharp eye isn't just to assist in operations, just as much as a nurse's mission exceeds the OR. You just wouldn't expect the nurse to have to take care of the surgeon she was assigned to. 

Fandom: Trauma Center Ships: Pre-Rel. DerAng (Derek/Angie)

Notes: Oh no, I ship it.

This was written with a prompt in mind, albeit I'm not sure of how exactly I went through with it. I have this bad habit of straying away from my prompts whenever I try following one, but here you go.

It's going to be a two-shot because I have too many ideas about these two medical-field dorks. I borrowed a few names and things from other, much older stories that I found when going on a TC fanfic reading spree the other days. It's my way to pay hommage, in a way. It may also be out of character, but at least, I'd have tried lmao. This is set before UTK2 for sure, buuuut when exactly is left to fanfic/fanon limbo. You do you, reader. 

AO3 version available here.

Credit to @sickficideas for this prompt I’ve used for the story!

When she started her career as a nurse, the first thing Angie Thompson’s mentor and first doctor to assist, Dr Sarah Miller, told her was that doctors were much more illogical than they looked. Not that they were dumb, quite the opposite way around: they simply had skewed priorities due to how their brain worked due to their job. Angie didn’t believe her at first. Doctors should have always had their priorities very much in check, right? It was part of their job, for goodness’s sake!

But alas, as most of what Dr Miller had ever told her, the latter turned out to be right.

 As a nurse, Angie was aware of everything around her. It was part of her job to always stay alert to whatever could be happening around her, especially when it involved patients. She always had eyes everywhere, every place she went, in every corner of the hospital she worked at and in every nook and cranny of the city, just in case someone needed her help. Naïve was the one who’d have thought she couldn’t identify an ailment from a few yards. In a way, that was her own Healing Touch, or what was the closest to it. She may not have been able to slow down time like a certain surgeon she worked under, but it was most useful in some cases, especially in her profession. And it didn’t drain her dry, which was a much welcome plus: watching Dr Stiles collapse seemingly out of nowhere after a successful surgery a while back had scared her stainless.

 Speaking of the devil, her observant eyes had started taking up on some hints about her assigned surgeon’s… predicament. She couldn’t exactly tell why that was, but the feeling lingered in a part of her brain. Dr Stiles was obviously a goofball if she wasn’t behind her back and if the staff at Caduceus wasn’t constantly behind his back, and that was what had repulsed her at first (she’d have rather worked under a qualified and upmost serious surgeon such as Dr Kasal…), albeit he had grown over it. He was now a serious and hardworking surgeon, determined to save people’s lives from biological weapon GUILT, focused and not even that whiny anymore. He truly had grown into someone respectable and always hard at work…

Perhaps a bit too much, in fact.

 Coming from Angela “my work as a nurse is more important than literally anything else in my life” Thompson, that was rich, and she knew it. However, she had a way to justify her reaction to what was currently going on in Caduceus USA. She really did, she promised, she wasn’t just worried or paranoid or anything like that. She was just concerned about the general functioning of the building in case there was this one element which’d break and lead to catastrophic consequences in case GUILT patients came in… They had very little personnel capable of treating the disease. Moreover, it’d be that time of the year where people drove insanely because of the summer break, and there always were car crash victims sent down their way. She had all the reasons in the world to be more alert than at any other time of the year.

 To make it short, she was staring at Dr Stiles any time she could without being spotted by him either. Would their head surgeon operating on GUILT patients be out cold, it’d be the worst thing, a grand-scale catastrophe for mankind. That was the one reason she worried about him. It wasn’t personal, not at all, it was professional and for the greater good, just like a doctor and a nurse should always think of first. As an assistant, it was her mission to make sure the surgeon she assisted was doing his job properly too, so her eyes were also careful about that. She’d allow no slip-up from him, not when lives were constantly on the line in their own little life.

 Angie had always had an eye for details and especially for spotting the little things most people would never notice in others. People would have called her nosy, but that constant stare at everything around her had saved lives before, and she intended for it to do so again in times where she couldn’t fully trust who she was working with. Well, that was making Dr Stiles out to be a filthy incompetent, which he wasn’t (at least, not anymore), but there was still something just wrong with him. Simply and plainly wrong.

 First of all: his hair was even messier than usual. He had never been known for a neat and tidy hairstyle, but this was getting ridiculous and out of hand all the same. Second: his stance was getting weaker and weaker, and it wasn’t rare for her to see him staggering against a wall after performing some GUILT surgeries. Third: even if he was scatter-brained to begin with, it was getting worse and worse by the hour. She wondered if he didn’t forget his own name at times, because calling him out in front of everyone wasn’t cutting it sometimes. That wasn’t a thing normally-composed human beings in a good condition did, and this was the last hint she needed to diagnose something all by herself like the witty clever nurse she was: her assigned surgeon was, seemingly, overworking himself.

 The Angie from a few months ago wouldn’t have believed it. Mr Stiles, the lazy and unkept surgeon who’d abandon a patient for some conference, overworking himself to exhaustion? That wasn’t happening during her lifetime. Even if she was stubborn, Angie had to give in to reality: that was probably and actually happening right around her eye’s corner and she, well, she didn’t know how to act upon it. Perhaps she could just yell at him to stop whatever he was doing and take a rest before they were an entire surgeon down for the duration of a fatigue-induced illness leave. That’d be the worst in times where GUILT was rampant and threatening to end countless innocent lives who had never asked for a painful death by internal lacerations, inside toxic fumes or a direct dive into the heart of an unnatural worm.

Oh.

 She had thought her eyes had been stealthy enough to avoid being detected by the entire staff of Caduceus when, one time, she was in the lounge picking up a cup of coffee for herself and a second for Dr Stiles (caffeine wasn’t the best way to remediate to his growing exhaustion, but if he didn’t drink it, she was afraid she’d be met with a grumpy surgeon, and that was the last thing she needed) before getting taken out of her thoughts.

“Tell me, Angie,” Leslie’s voice had made her rise her eyes from her cheap cup of coffee, “isn’t there something on your mind lately?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t exactly know how to describe it, but… You seem more alert than usual, no?”

“I’ve been because of GUILT running wild. You never know if someone’s going to get infected or when.”

She thought back to how pale De… Dr Stiles had looked when he had just learnt Dr Kasal had been infected with Tetarti. That lapsus was painful, even if it was just mental. It better have just been mental.

“That’s true, but you seem to mainly focus on Derek, am I wrong?”

“W-what makes you think that?!”

 Leslie’s giggles didn’t make her laugh for sure. The shriek must have been heard from a mile away, so she couldn’t even deny her primal reaction and the lack of manners going with it. Oops, wasn’t that just too bad?

“You keep looking in his direction, these days,” she said with a gentle smile that slightly disappeared afterwards. “Are you concerned for him?”

“Concerned?” She wanted to scoff. Well, she guessed you could have said that… “I’m concerned about whether or not he’ll be able to operate for much longer, but that’s it. I’m concerned for the potential patients to come.”

“By this, you mean you’re afraid he’s going to burn out or something like this?”

“You could say that…”

Leslie let out an amused giggle again.

“I have to assist Tyler soon, I’ll leave you to it. Take care, Angie.”

As she said so, she took her leave from the room, indeed letting her colleague alone in front of the coffee machine with two cups in her hands.

 As it stood, Angie hadn’t seen Dr Stiles today yet. It was a weird thing to notice, since she was used to arriving before him in their shared office, sighing to herself that his paperwork was still late as ever and how messy his desk always managed to get itself to be. To be fair, she had had to fill in some papers herself elsewhere before going to their office and, even then, she decided to bring them coffee while she was at it. She got far more surprised to see he wasn’t there at all, before grumbling to herself again that he was late. Well, before correcting herself and realizing he could have very well been stuck in traffic jams and other city misadventures. She had gotten herself late in those before too, it was (for once) outside his power to help with it. No reason to get angry, so she sighed again, at herself this time around. She really needed to calm down on her impulsivity.

 Come to think of it, she had a benign case of appendicitis to operate on later with Dr Stiles. By later, she meant that she had to start preparing right now: review the patient’s chart, refresh her memory on the procedures to go, disinfect herself, putting on scrubs and helping Derek do his magic. Dammit, Dr Stiles. She meant to think Dr Stiles. Frequent slipups were pissing her off. She had let herself get distract for way too long by whatever was on her mind that she almost forgot what truly mattered in the grand scheme of things! And so she rushed her mind back into the surgery that had to happen soon.

 As always, Angie managed to quick-start herself back into the swift of things. There was no time to lose on useless thinking and pointless dwelling, and there was a high probability she’d meet back with her surgeon near the OR, and they’d quickly discuss things out there before heading in for a new surgery that she’d make sure would go perfectly fine and end in a success. The patient’s case wasn’t much to be worried about: a twenty-something man affected with a case of appendicitis, who came in early enough for them not to have any complication. It’d be just fine, really, so why did she have a bad feeling about it all? There was no chance of GUILT being involved. They always made sure of so, these days, by testing every incoming patient with a Chiral reaction test to be one-hundred-percent sure. And her certainty about these things would lead her to her temporary fall.

 Her astonishment when she saw Derek walk towards the operating room in shambles almost made her drop the patient’s chart to the floor without her realizing it.

 There was something within her that made her heart leap warmly in her throat, that something she could only link to a realization: she had been right to be weary all this time. Before her was the reason why her mind could never feel at ease whenever she was at Caduceus or even away from it when she knew Derek was still here, serving as a backup surgeon, looking over patient charts, filling that damn late paperwork.

And yet she had done nothing to stop it until now, until it was late. All she could do was to slip Dr Clarks, who was around, a hint about it and watch him take the operation over for them. He, too, knew this was all going to go terribly wrong would they follow that path.

 “Dr Stiles,” she forced her voice to sound stern and strong, almost cold, almost as hard as steel.

The doctor in question, a hand against the wall and a dripping smile on his face, rose his eyes to face her. Glassy eyes, she could see that from the other side of his glasses.

“Huh, hello, Angie… Sorry for being late, I had some… papers…”

Barely coherent speech patterns. Flushed face. Bags under the eyes, and bags under the bags. Obviously overworked and about to give in.

“Doctor, I’m afraid you’ll have to skip on this surgery. Dr Clarks is taking care of it.”

 Her eyes quickly bolted to keep her surroundings in check. In her back, right near her dead angle, Dr Clarks nodding to her to confirm something and entering the OR. Before her, Dr Stiles still walking to her, his face not knowing whether to be surprised or be tired and done with everything in the world. He was stubborn, when he wanted to.

“What do you mean, Angie…? That’s my patient, no…?”

“He was. Now,” she replied as she walked to him with the least impatience she could show, “let’s bring you back to your office and maybe even your place. You’re in no condition to operate right now.”

He rubbed his eye under his glass, but still refused to be held back to another part of the building, back against the wall. He really was making it difficult, wasn’t he? Goddammit…

“I may be tired, but Mr Mark is my patient and a doctor… never abandons his patient. Y’should know that, Angie…”

His eyes were fluttering, but he still continued on shaking legs and in a hasty pace, feet staggering, heavy under the weight of crushing fatigue.

“It’s Mr Monarc, Dr Stiles…!”

“C’mon, Angie, we need to operate…”

 As soon as he attempted to give her his hand to encourage her to come, she slapped his wrist away from her. The anger was now boiling in her veins, an anger she now knew was born out of pure worry. She was far less worried for patients than she was for him at the moment and, now that she was finally honest with herself and in terms with the fact she was worried such a goofball, she had to stop him in his tracks.

And that was why she let herself yell.

 She gripped his wrist right as he was about to walk past her, skin hot under her fingers, sweat forcing her to clutch harder as to keep her grip on the situation.

“Dr Derek Stiles, I insist on the fact you’re in no condition to operate and, as your assistant, I cannot allow you to operate in such a condition! If you don’t comply, I’ll be forced to witness you collapse on the job, putting a patient at risk and forcing us to send you to Hope Hospital! Nobody here needs that, so stop being selfish and take a break! Understood?!”

That had escalated quickly for sure…

“B-but…”

“There’s no buts, Dr Stiles! This isn’t a GUILT victim either, so any other surgeon can take care of it!”

 Derek opened his mouth to respond something after staying agape for a few moments.

“I…”

He gave in right before he could tell her anything else, prompting her to recover his now-limp body in her arms. Goddammit. He was a yo-yo, one day too lazy to properly care for patients, another pushing himself to collapsing for the very same patients.

And there was no doubt about the fact she’d have to take care of him if she wanted to, once again, keep in check. What a handful.

[ithinkitsdanny]

29 MARCH 2020

COVID THOUGHTS

Who would have thought we would live in such interesting times? Every day goes by, and what was strange yesterday seems like normal today. Remember when the worst threat to our sanity was the thought of Sarah Palin as our Vice President? 

I never once thought that I would live in days that would line the pages of future textbooks (or whatever it is we’ll be using to teach history to students in the future). I grew up in a boring suburb of tuCsoN, aRIzONa, and part of me thought that I would never leave that place, and nothing would happen, and that was life. But that was not the case. Things are always happening, and things just seem to keep getting stranger in certain ways. 

Most people my age remember waking up one day and getting ready for school, or maybe you were at school, and seeing on the news that two towers in New York had fallen over. We watched as our country decided to invade a country most of us didn’t know existed (don’t judge, I was only in second grade, and the only other places I knew about were from watching the 2000 Sydney olympics with my family the summer before). We watched as our president and congress decided it was necessary for us to invade another country that many of us knew nothing about. We saw friends go off to fight, and sometimes just die in the desert, for something that made very little sense to us. 

Michael Jackson died one day. A man accused of molesting children. Yet people mourned his loss. 

One day, in high school, my friends and I were planning to go to the mall and just hangout in the air conditioning, like high school and middle school kids. But on the radios, the TVs, the cell phones, came news that a young man, living only ten minutes from my house and pictured right next to my oldest brother in his yearbook, had shot up a grocery store where a local beloved congresswoman was holding a rally. Six people were killed. A federal judge died that day, Gabby Giffords, our representative, was shot, and a six year old girl was killed. They held the funeral at the church my mom would drag us to every Sunday. But nothing changed. People kept their guns and decided they were more important than the lives of the children and neighbors around them. To make things worse, a radical christian group, one that is still active today and that just recently visited Maui, came to protest the little girl’s funeral and even claimed that their god wanted her dead. 

Nothing changed. Hate speech is protected by the first amendment and people will die for it, and people will let a thousand children’s lives perish before anyone can “take our guns.”

There was some hope though. Our president was black. His middle name was even Hussein. There were people in office fighting for LGBTQIA+ rights and leaders states were slowly legalizing weed and gay marriage. We had a hispanic WOMAN put in the supreme court. There were plans to fight climate change (though they were weak). But there were still shootings popping up around the country and kids in the middle east were still being bombed daily. We’re still there, still bombing too. But for eight year, there was progress, and a lot of it. 

Then 2015 came. Who the fuck did we piss off upstairs to give us 2015? A reality TV show host started his presidential bid by calling mexican immigrants criminals, thugs, and rapists. And for the first time in my life I realized that I wasn’t white (my mom is white, my dad mexican heritage from Sonora and Northern New Mexico). I remember talking to my dad, and he even said to me that in his fifty-five years of life that he never had once thought that his last name or the color of his skin could have an effect on the way people saw him. People supported this man. 

I can understand why though, and it is totally ignorant for liberals or other left-leaning people like myself to not look into what made this orange man so popular. He was different. Democrats failed to improve the lives of working class peoples. Identity politics were taking the place of actual progress and stances, and Hillary was a person with a very scary past.

Trump won, and all the sudden Nazis were, like, back. People openly identifying as Neo-Nazis and white supremecists were all the sudden marching in the streets. A person was killed because a neo-nazi thought it would be okay to hit a protester with her car. But these people are protected by the first amendment and hate-speech is not a crime (though murdering someone with your car most definitely is in fact a crime). Counter protesters were out in the streets being harrassed, and some people were, like, totally fine with this guy being in office. 

Basically, a lot of weird shit has happened. To recap anything I missed:

     - Black kids are being shot by cops and the cops are getting off free sometimes even when there is video evidence that show their wrongdoing 

     -Republicans stole a supreme court judge from Barrack Obama, and then appointed a known rapist to the highest court in the country, and paid no attention to what this might mean for their daughters, sisters, and mothers

     -There was a financial collapse (how did I forget to mention this?) and people were forced out onto the streets while houses sat empty

     -England left the European Union

     -Somehow, people living on Native American reservations still don’t have electricity and most of us are just fine with that

     -Refugee children are being held in cages in America and sleeping on floors

     -And uhh, coral reefs are dying off, plastic is killing animals in our oceans, and human-made climate change is real. 

I am not saying this is anyone’s fault. Everyone is to blame for issues taking place. People my age buy cheap clothing from sweatshops and then throw it away a month after having it. I know tons of people that are my generation that do not recycle anything, and plenty that won’t even take the five minutes necessary to register to vote. My vehicle only gets 17 miles a gallon and I eat SO MUCH FOOD THAT IS SO BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT. So, we all suck in a way. 

But here we are now, in the year 2020, a number that sounds made up. It feels like the times we are in are totally made up. We are not allowed out of our houses. There is a deadly virus that is spreading across the world, and people are literally dying all over. At least twenty people I know are on unemployment at the moment, the gyms are closed, and it doesn’t seem likely that I will see my students again this year. 

But people seem united in a way. People are calling each other. Cousins are setting up Zoom meetings with family members from all over the world so that we can see each other. Aunties are sewing face masks for hospital workers to use. Restaurants are giving free food to laid-off service industry employees. People are singing to one another from their balconies. Waters around busy port cities are clean enough for animals to return. Air over China has cleared up. Cities and towns are doing whatever they can to keep small businesses afloat in these hard times. Co-workers are calling each other to check in. And for the first time in my life, it actually feels like people really love each other. This virus, though it sucks, has made our world look the closest it has ever looked to an actual real live Coca-cola commercial (you know the ones on TV where all the people are singing and dancing and holding hands just because someone popped open a can of diabetic sugar water). The world is paused.

.

.

.

In a way, it feels nice. 

.

.

.

This situation sucks, but we are doing what we need to do: we are S L O W I N G D O W N. I am bored in my home, and I am sure most of us are, but I don’t know if I have ever seen people so united. I don’t know if I ever will again see this.

But for this moment in time which none of us will forget, we are showing each other the our best sides. We are showing what it means to really be human. 

We will get through this. This will make us all stronger. You will not give up on me. I will not give up on you. We will not give up. 

We are together. 

Thank you for reading and I hope you take some time to call your family members, your friends, your coworkers, and you neighbors today. 

Danny

Also, abolish ICE and eat the rich. 

[biofunmy]

They Hid From the Mob for Decades. Now They Will Surface in a Film.

In 2015, Roberto Buscetta had been hiding for decades under assumed names and 11 of his closest relatives had been slaughtered by Mafia assassins when two filmmakers tracked him down in Florida, looking to chat.

His father, Tommaso Buscetta, had been a soldier in the Sicilian Mafia, the first high-ranking Mafioso to break the code of silence in the 1980s at a time when the Sicilians took omerta far more seriously than their American brethren. His father’s testimony at trials in Italy and New York had figured in the convictions of more than 400 members of the mob.

Now the filmmakers wanted Roberto Buscetta to appear on camera and talk about his father.

Really?

“Killing Tommaso Buscetta’s son would be a perfect trophy,” Roberto said, explaining his reluctance.

But he did it and so did his mother, Cristina, at the urging of the filmmakers, Mark Franchetti and Andrew Meier, whose documentary, “Our Godfather: The Man the Mafia Could Not Kill,” began streaming on iTunes on June 10. It will be featured on Netflix in September.

“Going after the seemingly impossible — finding her and the family and getting them to talk — was always the tantalizing prize,” Franchetti said

Finding the Buscettas was indeed a challenge. It took nearly two years. The immediate family had been living under adopted names in a string of different locations for more than three decades. Roberto’s stepsister Lisa, who also appears in the documentary, says she uttered the Buscetta name for the first time in her life in the film.

Meier said he contacted prosecutors, F.B.I. agents and the Drug Enforcement Administration, which oversaw Buscetta’s security and safe house. The D.E.A. was wary. Several agents who had protected Buscetta had died. Some were uninterested. Two agents who had guarded Buscetta, John Huber and Tony Petrucci, were helpful. Still, they had not been in touch with Cristina for a decade.

Meier finally sent a note in 2015 to an old email address that he was told members of the Buscetta family had used in the past. Weeks passed with no response.

Finally on April 10, 2015, Cristina responded. “I must say,’’ she wrote “that your email woke up my curiosity.”

Cristina was Tommaso Buscetta’s third wife. They met in Rio de Janeiro in 1971. He returned there in the early 1980s after a serving a prison term for drug trafficking. By his own account, he wanted no part of the bloody war being waged in Sicily at the time among factions of the Mafia, or the Cosa Nostra.

Buscetta, who grew up in Palermo, the youngest of 17 children, was the only sibling to join the Mafia. He became an influential figure who commanded respect that went beyond his rank as a soldier. Mob bosses sought his advice. He was intelligent and worldly, having lived in Brazil and Brooklyn, where he worked with the Gambino crime family.

But in 1982, Mafia hit men killed two of his sons, a son-in-law, his closest brother and a nephew in separate incidents in Palermo. The following year, after being arrested in Brazil, he agreed to cooperate with Italian and American law enforcement and signed what became a 3,000-page confession.

“For him, breaking omerta was really the hardest decision of his life because he had this sensation that he broke something that was sacred,” Cristina says in “Our Godfather.”

He testified in Palermo during the “Maxi Trial,” the largest anti-mob prosecution in history, which culminated in 1987 with the conviction of 342 Mafiosi.

Since Italy did not have a witness protection program, American authorities hid him in a safe house in New Jersey and shuttled him back and forth across the Atlantic.

“It has to be understood that during that period Buscetta was the most important, the most wanted and most endangered witness in American criminal history,” Huber, the D.E.A. agent, said in an interview.

In New York, Buscetta testified in 1985 at the “pizza connection case,” brought by Rudolph W. Giuliani, who was the United States attorney in Manhattan at the time. Seventeen people were convicted for their roles in an international drug ring.

“There was no other witness in the case who was able to describe the enterprise, identify the hierarchy and describe the goals of the organization,” said Louis Freeh, the lead prosecutor who went on to become director of the F.B.I.

Ivan S. Fisher, who represented the Mafia boss Salvatore Catalano at the trial, said. Buscetta “just oozed intelligence.”

“He played the courtroom like fiddle,” he said.

Fourteen years later, still in hiding, Buscetta died of cancer at the age of 71. He was buried under an alias in North Miami, Fla. But his story, his place in history as the Mafia’s first high-ranking informer, and the ravages he brought to the mob, and his own family, still resonated years later with Franchetti, a foreign correspondent in Moscow for the Sunday Times of London, and Meier, a journalist and nonfiction author.

Franchetti had been the producer of a 2013 documentary, “The Condemned,” about a remote Russian prison exclusively for murderers.

Now he and Meier wanted to provide a compelling, but straightforward account of Buscetta’s life, stripped of romance and populated with interviews with family members who had not spoken publicly since they disappeared in 1986.

Cristina and her son Roberto agreed to meet the filmmakers in Florida in May 2015. Roberto asked Petrucci, the D.E.A. agent who had once protected the family, to join them. Hours before they were supposed to meet, Cristina changed the meeting spot to the Ritz-Carlton, overlooking the beach in Fort Lauderdale.

“At the first meeting, Mark and Andrew gave us all kinds of assurances,” Roberto said. “When you’ve been in this business for a long time, there are certain words you want to hear. The guys came across as incredibly sincere. They were willing to bargain about everything, including whether to show our faces on camera.”

The filmmakers told Cristina and Roberto that it was difficult to make a film about a dead man with only a handful of photographs available. Might they have any family photographs, home movies, diaries?

Cristina said she had a trunk full of photos, while Roberto said he had lots of video. At a subsequent meeting, he handed them 13 DVDs, including one that showed Buscetta in a Santa Claus hat dishing out Christmas presents to the family.

“That’s when we realized we definitely had a film, a unique and intimate insight into a Mafia don and his family,” Franchetti said.

Still it took time for Cristina and Roberto to agree to go on camera. Not even their neighbors knew their real names. “There is still a risk,” Cristina Buscetta told the filmmakers. “The Mafia does not forget.”

“Security for them and us was the main issue,” Meier said. “Cristina said, ‘This is my last son.’”

The logistics were key. Meetings with family members had to be discreet and at carefully chosen locations. Filming was done at spots where the backgrounds were visually interesting, but nondescript, without identifying landmarks that would reveal the Buscettas’ location.

Still many relatives rebuffed the filmmakers. Others agreed to help but would not appear on camera.

Even Roberto, who in the film describes serving combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan under his assumed name, asked for precautions. He would not allow that name to be used in the film. He asked that his face never appear in full view.

Cristina, however, looked straight into the camera, ready to remember the man she had loved.

“We found her at the right time in her life,” Meier said. “She felt she hadn’t told the story. As she said in the film, ‘It was now or never.’”

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