#I love seeing someone on my dash and getting fucking depressed

[tealbeats]

lmao

[phagodyke]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

[noctivagant-corvid]

yet another pd dash simulator (pt one pt two pt four pt five)

🎮 wheezerunofficial Follow INSULIN IS 40 DOLLARS! YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF.

🎮 wheezerunofficial Follow please buy commisions so i can afford my insulin!!!!

🎱 flamefestonsixthst Follow this is incredibly fucking depressing. FUCK belltech and FUCK anyone who tolerates them. buisnesses aren't people, they're demons.

🫀livingonasin Follow also they have human experimentation allegations against them!!!

🎮 wheezerunofficial Follow I BEG YOUR PARDON????????????

2,761 notes

🪶 ASHES2ASHES Follow stream at 6 pm cst, playing resident evil. stream sponsored by trix !!

34,512 notes

🤺 tearfulatthefalling Follow hey do you all remember the ghost emo who haunts my college and his purple haired boyfriend. well the boyfriend has been lighting candles without a lighter and either is really good at getting his roots done on time or has naturally purple hair. so. what else is new

🍋 forscoreandsixyearsago Follow this is the deadwood of college dorms.

167 notes

🌳 terabitchia Follow 5k notes by the end of the month and i'll ask the really hot roller derby lady who takes the same train as me on a date. spam allowed .

🌳 terabitchia Follow we reached the goal in two weeks! i hate all of you.

🌳 terabitchia Follow UPDATE: SHE SAID YES WE'RE GETTING ICE CREAM NEXT WEEK!!! EVERYBODY CHEER

7,043 notes

☐ hero-updates Follow Hero "Lightspeed" spotted at an ice cream parlor by the name of "Andy's"! More updates as they arrive!

21 notes

🪼 mackleless Follow i have,,, 506 new followers,,, where did you all come from,, the fucking tidalwave void??????

🔥 killmedead Follow yes

🪼 mackleless Follow Fucking Fair Enough I Guess

8,654 notes

🕰 cringcrong Follow bitches love me for my complex of lightning like scars that stretch across my entire body from when i was possesed by a demon

🕰 cringcrong Follow anyways be sympathetic with chaos demon/trickster survivors, nobody tried to cause the harm they did they were simply thrown in the way

🕰 cringcrong Follow [ ALT TEXT: a screenshot of a notification reading "ASHES2ASHES reblogged your post: "bitches love me fo..." ". End id.] he's got that trix sponsorship!!!!!!!

27,653 notes

👁‍🗨 darlingsos Follow [ALT TEXT: a photo of the sword in central new haven with the sunset in the backround. End id.] my friends are contemplating if they could climb up it, and i'm getting a free homework pass for my photography course with this shot 😎

155 notes

🐦‍⬛ noctivagant-notcorvid Follow weare living through a Really Fucking Annoying Chapter of someone's history class btw. trickster AND belltech controversy AND hero criticism AND meatball from space AND villian sympathy at an all time high AND all of the diff chaos demon incidents AND whatever the FUCk is going on with deadwood at All Times AND-

420 notes

☄ tapedtogetherhope Follow more Concerning Things lethe has said: "oh, you don't eat deer if they have more than two eyes. then you'll see it. duh." "the hard part of dead things is making sure they stay dead." "you know, how if you run away from home too many times the forest starts to think you belong to it." "anybody can make a star if they explode enough." "why the hell would you go to a river alone? do you want to be soap?"

🌀 goncharovenoveout Follow see most of this can be brushed off as midwest gothic esque from pre-powered era but. what do you mean do i want to be soap.

18,564 notes

[onlystylesangels]

Silent Struggles

Anon: I might have a request … :) so what if harry found fem!Y/N’s pack of cigarettes and he didn’t know she smoked bc she never mentioned anything and he talks to her bc he’s concerned?/ Anon: H's girl seems to be acting off and he confronts her and it turns out she's been dealing with some depression and anxiety and she's been to scared to let anyone in or... reader seems to be going through something and hasn't told anyone about it and starts smoking cigarettes; dealing with her problems alone.

Warnings!!!: talks about anxiety, talks about depression, smoking, fluff, Harry being a supportive boyfriend, reader feeling insecure

A/N: Hello!!!! I know it's been a very long time since I have posted a new Harry writing. But here it is, lovies! I hope you enjoy this one. !!!***Before you read I want to start by saying that you are loved and you're precious to this world. I love you, yeah, you the lovely person that's reading this. I care about you and there are so many people around you that care for you too. Please if you're going through something, don't fight alone. Please tell someone what you're going through. Please be safe. -A <3

It happened as always. At night you would wake up from a nightmare, open the drawer from your nightstand and rummage for your new pack of cigarettes, the plastic wrapper still intact. You took two cigarettes out and grabbed your lighter. You walk into the balcony and start the fire. You inhale a sharp breath and let out the hollowing contents of nicotine. It felt nice. Feeling the nightly fresh air hit your exposed arms, goosebumps adorning your skin as you puff out smoke from your mouth. It happened as always, as a freshly new night routine. 

The next morning you woke up with the bitter taste of nicotine filling your senses and feeling a bit dizzy when you sat up from bed. You quickly grab your phone and look at the time. It was already 9am and you were positive that you were going to be running late to the local bookstore. 

So, you take a shower and put on clothes that may or may not have matched together to create a decent outfit, but fuck it. You were about to be late so you had to work with what you had. You quickly dashed to the kitchen and prepared a quick breakfast and made sure to message Harry. 

“Hi bubba! I’m heading out to work. I’ll see you later today, okay? Love you.”

“Sounds good, love. I love you too. Make sure to drink enough water!” 

Harry, always the caring type. You loved that about him. Having a person loving you for you and always making sure that you were doing okay was one of the blessings that you took for granted. If only it were that easy to show that same love to yourself.   

“Richie! Did you get a chance to call Davy? His favorite book just came in and he had first dibs on the book” You shout out to your coworker who always seems to be too busy to work as he is sitting at the back corner of the bookstore, scrolling through his phone. Pesky phones, fucking culprits of rotting out your brain.  

“Haven’t gotten a chance, Y/N. Why don’t you call ‘em?” Richie sends you a head nod and immediately looks down at his phone. Fucking twat.

You roll your eyes and walk towards the front desk and call Davy. But before you start pushing down the buttons on the phone you see someone come in.

“Hey Y/N! Has that book come in here yet?” The man of the hour. Davy, the active reader and loyal customer of the Blues Blues Bookstore. 

“Hey there, Davy. I was literally just about to call you. I got that book reserved here for you. Hold on.” 

You walk towards the back of the store and retrieve the book that had a bookmark with his name plastered on it. You walk towards the entrance and hand it to him. He quickly takes the book in his hands and begins turning the pages. 

“I love it! Thank you again, Y/N! Glad I got here as quickly as possible.” 

You turn towards the computer and begin typing away, clearing the book for Davy.

“My pleasure, Davy. Just make sure to always come back. You’re keeping us in business, remember?” You joke, making Davy laugh and giving you an eye roll.

“Yeah, yeah. I recommended some people to come by to the store. Not sure if they found their way in yet.”   

“Haven’t seen any new faces lately. I would ask Richie, but that twat doesn’t do anything here, so I guess no new customers.”

“Hmm, you should bring that up to Daya. I’m sure she’ll fire the guy.”

Firing Richie, tsk, that guy is literally family to Daya. Even if you tell her that Richie doesn’t do anything in the store she’ll find a way to defend him and tell you off. There is no way that you would ever start a conversation regarding firing Richie to Daya; she’ll never believe or listen to you. 

“We’ll see.” Is all you say as Davy puts his new book in his satchel.

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” Davy says as he starts walking towards the doors. “Oh, and tell that boyfriend of yours hi. I haven’t seen that English man in a while.” 

You smile at the thought of him bringing up Harry. 

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll tell him you said hi. See you Davy.” You wave goodbye to him as he does the same. 

During your break time you try to sneak in some time to smoke a cigarette and make sure that the door you come out from is shut tightly. You feel dumb for hiding your recent cigarette intake from people, but then again, people see you as the nicest and innocent person on earth. Yeah, sure. But you kept thinking about the deadline. Your personal deadline that you set yourself to meet someone at the law college that you have been researching on. 

For a couple of months now you’ve been thinking about applying to a local law college in your city and were afraid to continue the process. You continuously had non-pep talks about how you would be a terrible law student and that you may not make it to getting accepted into the college. This and telling anyone about it was just too much for you to handle. You didn't even tell Harry yet. You knew why you didn’t want to tell anyone; you didn’t want to burden them with your problems. Problems that you knew were affecting you mentally and emotionally. 

= = = 

After the break you couldn’t stop the thoughts running through your mind. The mere thought of reaching out to the law school representatives and going to that mandatory interview to see if you were worth being a candidate for their college was already too much to think about. And so you continue your work in the bookstore. Putting new books up on the shelves and welcoming customers into the bookstore. Parents accompanied with their children as you reach for the candy jar under the front desk to offer to the children. You liked your job at the bookstore, but you felt like you needed a change of scenery, especially after working there for four years. And the thought of leaving this job and trying something new frightened you.

A couple of minutes before you were off. There was a ding heard at the entryway.

“Sorry, we’re closed. You can come by tomorrow at-” You look up from the front desk and notice that it’s Harry. Carrying a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His hair started to grow from the buzz cut he got months ago. Gray trousers and loose fitting t-shirt that was starting to rip at the neckline. You told him to throw that shirt away but he always replied by saying that it was his lucky shirt. Did you believe him? Of course not, but if he claims it is his lucky shirt then it’s his lucky shirt.

“Harry!” You run towards him ignoring the stack of books that were in front of you that needed price tags. 

Harry smiles and hugs you back as he kisses your cheek. “Hi, my love.” You walk back a bit and finally take notice of the bouquet of flowers in his hands. 

“And these?” 

“Oh, I got ‘em for Richie. You know that marvelous coworker of yours,” He lies through his teeth, your eyes rolling at the mention of his name. He notices your change of mood and lifts your chin with his thumb. “Hey, lovie. I’m joking. These are for you. I saw them at the local flower shop and thought that you would like ‘em.” Your lips start curving into a smile and you give him a kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, Harry,” you smell the flowers and softly touch the flower petals, “They’re gorgeous.”

“You’re welcome, my love.” Harry follows you as you go towards the backroom. Retrieving your things and ready to call it a day at the bookstore. 

“Ready?” Harry asks you. You smile in response and immediately grab his hand as he leads you both to the exit. You lock the doors to the bookstore and leave walking hand-in-hand with Harry.

You reach your apartment and unlock the door to your little home. You walk in along with Harry and make your way to the sink and grab a vase under the sink cabinet. Harry watches you as you fill the vase with water and stick the flowers in it; he admires your acts and just leans his weight on the kitchen island and stares at you as if you were this beautiful undiscovered galaxy. 

You catch him staring and you get shy all of a sudden. You get a bit self-conscious, but then that feeling goes away when Harry walks towards you and cups your cheeks. 

“You’re so pretty, Y/N.” You feel your cheeks get hot and you quickly turn your head away from his gaze; not even hiding the smile that you had. Harry chuckles and swiftly turns your head back to his gaze. “Don’t hide from me, love. It’s just me.” Harry teases, the back of his hand smoothly running down your cheek. 

“You make me nervous, Harry.” You confess, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you making me shy.” 

Harry picks you up and walks towards the couch. He keeps you on his lap as you continue hiding away from him. You both have been dating for over a year and so you must’ve at least gotten used to all those times that Harry gets you all flustered, but you haven’t yet. It’s like falling in love with him for the first time. That’s how you feel right now. Your body is so close to his and his arms wrapped around your body as he just holds you. Appreciating your presence; he held you in strong arms as if he was afraid to let you go. And he was.

For the rest of the evening you both order takeout from two different restaurants because you were craving two of your favorite foods. Harry happily ordered from the two restaurants as he left you in an excited mess. Excited that you were finally going to eat those foods that you craved for so long. The food doesn’t take long for it to arrive at the apartment and so you and Harry eat on the couch and watch some movies to pass the time. You both joke around about the characters from the movie that you were both watching and made the night pleasant. 

As the night went along, you were laughing along with Harry and enjoying being in each other’s company. You wished you could be there on the couch all night, but you were starting to yawn and your eyes starting to droop from how sleepy you were. Harry noticed and turns off the tv and grabs your hand and leads you both to your bedroom. He lets you go into the bathroom first to start your night routine as he lies down on the bed scrolling on his phone. 

You walk out the bathroom and stand over the bed and lean down to meet Harry’s eyes. He plops his phone down on his stomach and you take this opportunity to kiss his pink lips. 

“Mm, I don’t want to shower anymore.” He whines in between kisses. You chuckle and grab both of his hands and try your best to lift your boyfriend up from the bed. Jeez, you weren’t an active gym-rat, but from just lifting up his body you felt like you did a whole workout.

“Damn, Harry.” You swipe a hand over your forehead. Harry laughed in response. 

“My bones are heavy, love.” He simply responds as he walks towards your dresser and opens up his designated drawer that has some of his clothes in it. “Be right back, lovie.” He looks behind him and sees you starting to make yourself comfortable on your side of the bed. 

“Don’t take too long.” You respond

“I’ll try not to.” He walks to the bathroom with a new pair of clothes hanging on his shoulder. He leaves the door open; the showerhead turning on.

A couple of minutes pass and Harry walks back into the bedroom; drying his hair as best as he could. It was easier for him to dry it now that it was shorter. You lift up the bed covers inviting him inside the warm cocoon. You both lie together, Harry spooned you from behind and as you brought one his arms up to your chest. You both fall asleep into a quiet slumber. 

But you wake up after a couple of hours. You didn’t even bother to check the time as you opened your eyes and slowly removed Harry’s arm from hugging your body. You sit up and walk towards your bedside drawer; already knowing your nightly routine. You grab the pack of cigarettes that were hidden under some of your favorite books and miscellaneous items that you kept forgetting to get rid of. You also get a lighter that was stashed inside your purse and go outside to the balcony.

The butt of the cigarette blazes to life as you take a breath in of the substance and slowly let a breath out. Your thoughts once again start to disappear with every intake of breath you take. It numbed them, made them disappear, but only temporarily. You knew that smoking was making your lungs get sore and your nose wrinkling still not getting used to the smell of the smoke, but you didn’t care at that moment. It numbed everything, it numbed your problems and it made everything feel-- better.

As you continued puffing out air of smoke you continued looking up at the sky, stars aligning the horizon randomly. With each puff of smoke you felt the anxiety slowly go away. You were almost down to the brim of the cigarette, so you could comfortably go back to sleep. Once you were about to inhale one last breath of nicotine you heard footsteps making its way towards the balcony. You freeze and hold the cigarette in your  fingers, bringing your hand to your side. 

“Y/n?” Harry says as he rubs the sleepiness out of his eyes. “What are you doing out here, it’s la-” He stops himself once he notices what’s in your hand. He looked confused, he didn’t know you smoked. 

“Harry.” You reply. The cigarette is still in between your fingers, burning away. 

“I- I didn’t know you smoke.” Harry begins slowly walking towards you, concern sketched in his eyes.

You look down at the cigarette that continues to burn away and you feel tears start welling up in your eyes. You bring the cigarette up in front of you and stomp it on the floor, watching as the smoke starts consuming your nose. Regret. Regret is what you were feeling as you turned to Harry’s presence, his demeanor causing you to feel like a deer in front of headlights. You’re sorry. Sorry that you never told him that you picked up smoking because of not having anything else to control your anxiety. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Harry runs to you and embraces you with all his might. “Oh love. Come here.” You snuggled into his embrace and began crying. You held onto his arms so tightly that you were clutching onto him afraid of him letting go. Letting you go.

“I was scared. I just wanted to help… myself.” You mutter.

Harry held you as he ran his hands down your back. He would occasionally massage your head. “I promise you baby, I am going to be here for as long as you want me to, then you can let me in and help you.” He held onto you tightly and he kissed the side of your face. Harry let you cry on his chest as he rubbed your back soothingly, trying best to comfort you.

“I just felt alone.”  

Harry steps back a bit and looks you in the face, concern written all over his green irises. He held your hand in his and met your eyes filled with tears.“You have me, darlin’.” Harry said, his fingers lightly brushing away the stranded tear on your cheek. “I’m right here, Y/N.” He reassures you. Bringing you close to his body again.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m sorry.” You let out, Harry cupping your cheeks trying to calm your nerves. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. You have nothin’ to apologize for, lovie.” He looks at your bloodshot eyes. Seeing you sad like this he felt broken. Broken that he didn’t know how to make you feel better, broken because he hated seeing you without a smile on your face. Broken that he wasn’t aware that you were hurting. “Is it okay if I ask what’s going on?” He said with a soft voice. 

“I– I just been sad and overthinking, okay.” You let out, your hands coming up to cover your face. You felt ashamed, as if a parent just witnessed the most disappointing act from their child. You hated feeling insecure in your own skin; you felt worse that it was Harry that was looking down at you with concern in his eyes and his body weight shifting to softly take your hands in his and seeing your face. 

“Hey, hey. Y/N, baby, you’re scaring me. What are you sad about,” Harry steps back a bit giving you room to speak and mostly giving himself self-control from forcing you to share what’s been making you sad. “Baby, I’m right here, okay. It’s just me.” 

You slowly turn your head away from his gaze and look at the sky. Your hands no longer covering your flushed face, but now twiddling with your shirt, Harry’s shirt. You feel bad that you now created droplets of tears on the collar of his favorite shirt. 

“I just have been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and I just… sniffle… I didn’t want you to worry about me.” Your hands constantly were moving from your face down to your shirt. Harry catches your little antics and walks towards you, slowly, making sure that he has a good distance between you two before he starts again.

“Y/N. I had no idea that you were going through something. I had the feeling that you were acting a bit different, but never thought that something was affecting you,” He waits for your permission to come in closer and so he takes no time and has his hands cupping your cheeks. Tears staining your beautiful cheeks that he so dearly loved taking his time in kissing and feeling your soft skin against his ring-clad fingers. “I wished I knew you were going through something.” He confessed, sensing a feeling of regret that he felt for not seeing the signs of you feeling depressed and not being your energetic-self. Now as he looks back, he noticed your change of behavior. Being a bit more reserved, but still communicating with him which led him not sensing a shift of you. 

 “You always told me that it was your period messin’ with ya mood. I was so stupid to believe that. Baby, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.” 

It’s true. You shared to him that the past couple of months when he would suggest going out to shopping outlets and going out for dinner you would simply reply that you weren’t in the mood to go out in public. That your period was getting the best of you and drained your energy. It was true that you had bad days when you were on your period, but you made him believe that it was your menstrual cycle being the culprit of you feeling drained. 

“I’m sorry, Harry.” You cried out, his hands holding your head as he hugged your frame and landed kisses on your head. 

“It’s okay. I know now that you haven’t been feeling good. Jus’ let me help you, yeah?” Harry looks down at you, your eyes bloodshot as a soft smile creeps up on Harry’s lips. You follow suit and slowly mimic a smile back. 

Harry leads you back to the bedroom and lets you sit on the edge of the bed. “‘M going to start a bath for you. Is that okay?” 

You nod in agreement and he starts turning on the bath faucet, making sure that the water is warm enough to calm your body and hopefully make you feel a bit better. As he is sure that the water is at the right temperature he comes back to the bedroom where you are still sitting on the bed. He kneels in front of you and looks up at you, his hands running up and down your arms gently. 

“The water is almost ready for ya. I’m gonna get those bath bombs you like so much and light up some candles.” He says, reaching towards your head and landing a kiss on your forehead. You softly smile at his action and continue looking at his beautiful eyes that you could never get tired of looking at. 

He goes back to the bathroom and takes a blueberry muffin scented bath bomb and throws it inside the bathtub as he watches the water fizzle and quickly change into a dark blue hue. He then lights up a couple of candles and sets them on the sink cabinet.

He comes back to the bedroom and Harry motions for you to stand up and you do and follow behind him making your way to the bathroom. He’s about to leave you alone in the bathroom for you to get undressed, giving you privacy.

You quickly reach towards his hand and he stops from walking out the bathroom. He looks back at you waiting for you to say something. 

“Stay, please.” You mutter softly. His hand slowly intertwines with yours as he shuts the door behind him and walks towards you. Nodding in agreement as he follows suit and starts undressing. You motion for him to help you unclasp your bra and he quickly does it with ease. 

You step into the warm water and instantly feel the water relieving your tired muscles. You didn’t even realize how tense your muscles were. Harry then follows you and lands both feet on the warm bathtub. He lies down first and motions for you to lie down against his chest. You carefully situate your body close to his and feel his thick thighs wrap around your own legs, his arms wrapping around your mid area. Your breasts touching his forearms. Your skin sinking into the warm embrace of the scented water as you shiver, goosebumps trailing on your skin yet again from the cool air coming from the bathroom. Harry cups his hands into the water and brings it up to splash water on your chest and remaining skin that has yet to make contact with the warm water. You smile from his gentle mannerisms as you lean back into his chest, your head cradling on top of his chest. You look up at him as he smiles down at you, dimples on full display. 

Harry kisses the top of your head and you close your eyes and smile in response. His soft touches always make you feel relaxed.

“You want to talk ‘bout it?” Harry asked, his hands making small circles on your belly.  

“No. But I need to talk about it,” You reply, holding onto his free hand that’s holding onto the tub. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I have been thinking about going back to school. Law school.” You confess, playing with Harry’s fingers and tracing his knuckles.

“That’s exciting, love. I’m happy that you’re thinking about going back to school.” He soothes your belly some more. 

You turn your head just enough to catch his gaze. “Yeah, but I know how much you want to move in together. I want to move in together too, but law school isn’t cheap.” 

“We’ll figure it out together. I can always pick up extra shifts at the tattoo parlor and maybe sell some of my songs on the side.” Harry assures you. 

“But, I don’t want you working too hard for my sake. That’s one of the reasons why I was afraid to tell you this.” You turn your attention back to Harry’s freehand and continue tracing his knuckles. 

Harry catches this and softly tilts your head so he could see your eyes. “Hey, lovie. We’re in this together. If you have dreams of your own I will stand by you and help you achieve those dreams. We’re a team, yeah?” 

You smile up at him. Tears slowly start to blur your vision. You have always been like this. When new problems would arise you would shut-off, you wouldn’t tell anyone about what you were going through and it was hard for you to ask for help. You were that friend that always told people to reach out to you if they were going through something, but that’s the exact thing that you don’t do. Leaving yourself to fend for yourself; self-sabotaging yourself. 

You look away and land your hands on your knees, feeling tears starting to slide down your cheeks again. “I feel like such a loser. Why is this small thing bothering me so much?” You quietly say. 

Harry shifts his body just enough so he could see the state that you’re in. He moves a couple of your wet strands away from your face and tucks it behind your ear. “Hey, don’t call yourself that. You’re not a loser. You’re my beautiful girlfriend who's the strongest person I’ve ever known.” 

Pfft. “Strong?” You repeat, feeling an urge of disgust with yourself. 

“Hey, whatever you’re feeling, we’ll get through it together. You’re strong for sharing what you’re going through.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Harry.” You turn your head and stare at his eyes. Wanting to feel his lips against yours.

“It’s okay, baby.” He kisses your shoulder and notices how your gaze looks at his lips. He meets your eyes and leans close to kiss your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his body closer to yours, feeling his body heat. Your arms run down his tattooed arm and leave his lips wishing for more as you start kissing his swallows on his chest. 

He brings your face close to his. “We’ll do this together, lovie. I promise.” He says through kisses, kissing every crevice of your face, making you smile from his facial hair tickling your skin. 

As you two finish up bathing and drying your bodies and changing into clean clothes; you started to feel better. You weren’t sure if it was because you finally told Harry what you were going through, or if it was because you had Harry with you being that only person to see you at your lowest and comforting you. You didn’t know, but you felt good.

You both get ready for bed. Harry finishes brushing his teeth and putting a serum on his face that you recommended him to try. You lay down on the bed waiting for Harry to walk into the bedroom. He discards his shirt and throws it somewhere in the bedroom. Thinking about that in the morning he’s going to be looking for that garment all morning. The thought of it makes you smile. 

Harry walks to the bed and lies down. He motions you to climb on him and you do as you carefully situate one of your legs to be between one his legs. You look at him to check if he looks comfortable.

“Is this okay?” You asked, he nods and slides a hand under your shirt, his hand running up and down your back. He kisses the crook of your neck. You lie your head on his chest and hear his heart beating in a steady rhythm. With the thumping of Harry’s heart you begin drifting off into sleep. 

“Goodnight, lovie.” Harry whispers to you. But you were already out. Harry takes it as a clue that you have already called it a night when you didn’t respond back. He smiles to himself and continues running his hands over your back, feeling your body relax to his soft touch.

That night was the first night that you felt good, happy even. You felt relieved, this was one of the first nights that you slept through the whole night. You didn’t wake up to a nightmare clouding your unconscious mind. You had Harry next to you, hugging your body, feeling his warm breath hit the crevices of your neck, feeling his arms wrapped around you as if you were his only safe haven.

The next day…

“You want me to be there with you while you fill out the college application?” Harry asks you as he takes a sip of his tea. 

You hold the mug of freshly brewed coffee and smell the vanilla hazelnut creamer and instantly making you melt. 

“You would do that?”

“Of course. I want to be in every step of the college process, if you let me.”

“I would love that, Harry.” You smile as you set down your mug. 

“Okay, my love,” Harry kisses the top of your head and whispers "I love you” to you. “I’m going to get something for us to eat. I’ll be right back.” He takes his wallet and spare keys into one hand and leans towards you where you sit in the kitchen island. “Kissy?” 

Kissy. A cute little phrase that you would both ask each other to ask for permission for a kiss. A phrase that started since you two were dating for five months. A little phrase that was childish, but you both didn’t care. It was cute. 

You smile up at him. As you took another sip of your coffee, then another one. Teasing Harry as a pout started to appear on his face. He then started blinking his eyes furiously making you stop drinking from your mug. He got you there.

“Kissy.” You lean over to him and kiss him. You cup his cheek and run your freehand into his hair. He moaned into your touch making you smile in response. 

“I’ll be back, yeah?” 

“Okay. I love you Harry.” 

“I love you.” 

He walks out the door with his spare keys being the only thing you hear as he makes his way down the corridor. Leaving you alone with your mug of coffee half-way filled in front of you. You walk to the living room and grab the laptop that was on top of the coffee table and bring it back to the kitchen island. You set it there and wait. You stare at the black screen of the laptop as your reflection looks back at you. You continue taking small sips of your coffee and wait until Harry comes back. 

////////

“Hey, darlin’ I got your favorite snacks and lunch from that Vietnamese restaurant you like.” Harry enters into the small apartment and takes you by surprise. You were reading a book that you always put off. He walked towards you and set the bags of food on the kitchen island in front of you. 

“Are you ready, lovie?” 

As time passed you completed the university application and stopped yourself to double check on every detail that you added on the application. You felt nervous, anxious about completing the whole college application process, but you knew that it was going to be worth it in the end. You were glad that you had Harry with you filling the application, because you wouldn’t have had the courage to fill it out on your own. You were happy that you were accompanied and had his support. Harry didn’t ignore the anxiety and the way that you would play with your fingers while filling out the online application. This was a lot for you and he understood that you needed a well-deserved break. 

“Hey baby, take a small break,” Harry grabs the laptop and closes it, but making sure that he saved the application before doing so. “Here, get some foodsies.” Harry passes you the large bowl filled with your favorite pho. 

You take a mouthful of the delicious seasoned soup and sigh as you feel the warmth of the soup comforting your body, leaving you in a relaxed state. “Thank you my love,” you take a napkin and wipe the corners of your mouth. “I missed pho so much.” 

Harry smiles in response as he takes a bite of his own pho. He sits closer to you as his knees touch yours. He gave you frequent glances as a way to know that you were eating well and keeping note of your reactions. You were comfortable which made him happy. 

The night went along well. You finished applying for the university and only waited to get a response back. A couple of weeks it would take before you would get a response. So you continued going to the bookstore and you were starting to share more things with Harry, something that you didn’t do before. You shared more about your past, your family. He knew about your parents and other closer family members, but you never went into depth with other important people that you grew up with back home. You were happy to share more of your life with Harry. 

You both spent more time with each other more often. If you called Harry that you were feeling down, Harry would drop what he was doing and quickly get to your apartment as fast as he could. If you were on your period and Harry knew about it he would stay the whole week to make sure that you were taking care of yourself and to obviously spoil you. Just because flowers were his favorite habit of showing you that he loved you and would randomly gift you little crochet stuffies from a local independent shop. He eventually got you so many that you were running out of spaces where to put them, but you loved every little crochet plushie, they were just so cute! 

The more time that you spent with Harry you hadn’t picked up a cigarette. After Harry found out that you were smoking to relieve what you were feeling he didn’t judge or tell you that you had to stop smoking. Instead, he didn’t mention it, but acknowledged that it was something that you picked up when you were feeling depressed. So, you were grateful that he was there with you along the way of you figuring out how to slowly stop smoking. 

Weeks later…

And so you waited two weeks. In those two weeks a lot happened. Harry was getting his stuff ready to officially move in with you. Nothing much happened, just helping Harry move in his boxes and get him situated in your now shared apartment. He was excited to start living with you and as he said it “Happy to wake up next to my lovie every mornin’.” You were ecstatic to live with Harry, and, well, he already was living in your apartment when he would stay some nights, but this was going to be different. You were going to wake up next to him every morning and being grumpy on Saturday mornings because Harry would wake you to go on morning runs. On a Saturday out of all days! But you were getting too used to him living in your shared space.

Later that week you received an acceptance letter from the university that you applied at. When Harry came to the apartment from work that same day you told him out of excitement. He hugged you tight and gave you so many kisses that overwhelmed you, but you didn’t care you were too happy. The following week you spent a whole week getting school supplies. Harry came along of course picking out the most random things that he swore that you would use in college. Who needs three white boards and two big packs of big sticky notes? You were content in getting one white board and one big sticky note pack just to make Harry feel better. 

“But you’re gonna need two of ‘em, lovie.” 

You chuckle at his antics, “Why two Harry? I just need one.” 

Harry stares down at the plastic covered white board in his hands. “Cause ya gonna need to jot down our date nights. You can’t fit everythin’ on one white board.” He reminds you.

“Bubba, one is enough.” 

You take the white board and pack of stickies with you along with some other supplies. Harry followed behind as he kept putting in colorful markers and journaling stickers in the cart. He definitely made that shopping trip amusing. And you loved every moment of it. 

Four years later…

You sat at every class lecture and followed along what the professors talked about. You were present, you were dedicated and it paid off. There were times where you had breakdowns because of the workload that law school brought to you and it was a lot to handle. The anxiety that was kept at bay was slowly creeping onto you during those troubling school semesters that were always heavy with coursework, but you always had Harry there to guide you through breathing techniques. It was a lot, but you were happy that you were pushing through those semesters for you, for your future and Harry’s. You were proud all those days that you showed up to class prepared to learn the material and to later take the bar exams.

Those four years really did pay off. Cap and gown on and a smile on your face as you waited for your name to be called on the intercom. You walked onto stage as you had the urge to cry, but you stopped yourself because you knew that this was your moment. You were ecstatic that you finally met your goal. Going to school and having Harry and your close family members with you during this long journey. Happy that you were no longer alone… well, you were never alone, but you finally knew what it felt to let people in, let people care about you and let them hear your struggles. You were no longer suffering in silence. You were now walking down the stage with a diploma in your hand, holding onto your biggest achievement and you were excited to see what the future held for you. You knew that whatever life would bring you, you would no longer fight it alone, because you had people and you were no longer going to struggle in silence.

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

rewatching sonic twittok takeover #7 and there were some fucking GEMS of moments in here that i just kinda forgot about so recap

the boys were being SUCH boys in this one. making fart jokes and getting knuckles to hit himself was SO funny

shadow says his favorite flowers are lantanas

knuckles says she wants to see a version of sonic with laser eyes. nobody tell him about fleetway

tails "i hope there's a sonic that's my best friend <3 oH WAIT <3 THAT'S YOU!!! :D"

knuckles's answer to "what's under your gloves" is "what are you, a cop?" he implies this question is invasive

tails describes his own fur as "yellow-orange"

in the "sonic's dream" question, it's implied that sonic is a lil bit needy for attention. also knuckles mentioned he had a dream that the master emerald was talking to him

eggman has seen the incredibles

knuckles also made a ref to "so you're saying there's a chance" which implies he might've seen dumb and dumber. it's also a jim carrey reference

the team makes fun of knuckles for having a crush on rouge (whether or not he actually has a crush or if they're just annoying him on purpose is never stated, but tails did say knuckles bought her daisies. which is funny bc where the hell did knuckles get that money. tails also says he knows bc "he's a gossip")

knuckles refers to himself as "knuckles echidna", which probably wasn't an intentional reference to satam/underground sonic being "sonic hedgehog" but i appreciated it

knuckles once found shadow standing and staring silently at the trees of luminous forest and immediately, without question, started standing there staring with him

tails tries to suck up to razer gaming computers' official account which is really cute

tails gets dizzy during spin-dashing. amy used to but got used to it. sonic was really surprised to hear this

IF WE ALL DON'T REMEMBER THE TAILS "FEAR OF THUNDER" QUESTION WHAT EVEN ARE WE. tails homeless canon

tails says he admires eggman's work ethic and that made eggman emotional bc he doesn't get complimented much

when asked what eggman's fursona would be, amy suggested a fox or a wolf, sonic suggested a sloth or a baby flicky, which made me think of that one @neurotypical-sonic post

knuckles immediately tells a knuckles fan that he's a "terrible role-model" and he shouldn't have fans. then says of his personality: "everything sucks."

amy calls her fortune cards a hyperfixation, which implies that she's canonically neurodivergent

knuckles tries to steal amy's fortune card that has the master emerald on it

amy confirms that her bracelets aren't inhibitor rings which is funny cause that's like, an old 2020 post of mine lmao

amy claims shadow had fun at the hot honey concert and then asks sonic if he was jealous. sonic then proceeded to say that he's great company at a concert. amy invites everyone to a concert and knuckles says he wants to be in the mosh pit. tails says he wants to practice his line dance

when asked how he feels about shadow, tails calls him a misunderstood tragic hero and immediately points out that he's lost someone close to him and been "grappling with that for years."

HYSTERICAL moment when someone asks for rings and knuckles immediately punches sonic and steals his rings

eggman can't even remember starline's name. like bro you killed him

when asked about winter activities, knuckles likes snowball fights, sonic likes snowboarding, amy likes holiday decorating (and is one of the bitches who starts November 1), eggman says seasonal depression gives him great ideas, and tails didn't say anyth

sonic likes trains and supporting public transportation

sonic says he loves sleeping. eggman's been trying "intermittent sleep" which isnt going well

"would you guys like sonic if he was a worm" amy and tails say they would, knuckles says he wouldn't. sonic then quips that amy is a lil scared of bugs

vanilla apparently is constantly inviting the entire sonic squad for dinner. they seem to go over regularly

eggman eats paint

knuckles isn't allowed on the internet without supervision since the "incident."

amy and tails want to be more independent, knuckles wants to be less so.

"if you could swap roles with someone for an entire day, who would you choose" tails wanted eggman in order to get a hold with his tech

"is it painful to give knuckles a fist bump or a handshake" yes

eggman did indeed dissolve GUN during forces

it's implied tails knows what five nights at freddy's is. sonic freddy fazbear will be AT the fridge

sonic liked fighting fang and the end (which he referred to as a narcissistic planet), tails liked fighting chaos cause he "came into his own" during that game, amy says neo metal sonic gave her a headache, and knuckles says he has fought a lot of ghosts

eggman's goggles are for wind protection and style

tails's tails don't get tangled bc he's careful

trip has still been on the northstar islands this whole time. girl really looked out at the planet broken into shards and said "not my fucking problem"

[norel-ravenclaw]

Bite Me~

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Featured characters: demon!Adam (briefly), Alastor x gn reader

Genre: Fluff and spice with a dash of crack

Word count: 1100

Description: This was just going to be a funny little scene I thought of. But then you gremlins said I should turn up the spice, so here we are 😂 Just a little Halloween-ish themed romantic tease for the first day of October.

WARNINGS: | gender neutral reader | Adam is his own warning 😅 | biting written by someone who hates biting, but Alastor gave me puppy dog eyes so here we are | reader has depression, which Alastor helps alleviate 🩶 | brief joke about dying | cursing | aro/ace spectrum Al basically based on my own experience |

Adam tromps down the hall and bumps into you. “This place sucks ass. Ugh. Why don’t you loosen up, sugar tits? We could have some fun in this awful joint.”

You stop and turn towards him, tempted to teleport him to the top of a building and drop him off~ But you resist the temptation. A feat that should make you worthy of ascension in and of itself.

“You are abrasive, ignorant, brash. And yet despite your narcissism, I almost wonder… if you are somewhat capable of loving. Not well, I imagine. But I’m starting to wonder if that is the reason I can’t hate you.”

He gives you an expression that would make a fantastic meme. “…The fuck??”

You cut him off by stepping close, taking his chin between your fingers as you contemplate, muttering. “Hm, I’m sure just a little...”

And with that, you turn and walk off. Alastor materialises from the shadows (so he could get downstairs without crossing Adam’s path).

Matching your pace, he leans in for the tea. “What were you talking about, chèr? Perhaps a little what?”

You bite your lip, glancing at him briefly before leaning in, hesitating twice before quickly whispering, “Psychic vampirism. He’s so energetic he’ll never notice if I take just a little.”

Embarrassed and trying to shake it off, you quickly walk away, leaving Alastor laughing his ass off.

He catches up with you in a swirl of shadow, linking arms as he wipes away tears. “Oh you never cease to surprise me my dear. I love the way you think sometimes!”

Seeing him smiling genuinely, the dim red light of hell’s sky illuminating the window behind him, your heart swells. Stopping, you glance at his cane.

“What is it?”

You smile at him and reach out for the cane. “May I?”

Raising a brow but trusting of you, he offers it to you. With a swirl of magic, you set it to the side, conjuring up a cosy illusion of a little hallway-sized 1920’s ballroom. Your favourite electric swing song begins playing, the perfect mix of yours and Alastor’s personalities.

Reaching out a hand, you bow to him. “May I have this dance?”

His eyes gleam with undisguised delight. “I would love to, darling~”

You spin together through the narrow hall, cheerful music guiding Alastor’s steps, in turn guiding your own. But your… friend(?) knows you better these days.

“Now now, chèr, what’s wrong? There’s a hitch in your smile.”

Your eyes widen and you sigh. “I can’t hide anything from you, mm? I’m fine, just a normal bout of blues.”

He grins at you, whispering conspiratorially. “Would psychic vampirism help?”

You chuckle. “Sadly no.” Leaning in close, the height difference between you offers you perfect access to his neck. Teasingly, you murmur a couple inches away from his collar. “I have to feed off of people’s happiness the old fashioned way.”

Not wanting him to feel crowded, you pull back just as quickly.

But oh… it’s too late. A blush creeps up Alastor’s face, his steps only staying true from sheer muscle memory.

Noticing his sudden mood change, you open your mouth to apologise, but just as quickly, he stops dancing and puts both hands on your waist.

“Alastor?”

His pupils are blown wide. “…Would you bite me?”

You blink and stare at him, blindsided by the question. “…Is that rhetorical or are you asking me to?”

He shifts his weight from one foot to another, licking his lips. “Admittedly this is a most bizarre urge, but I’d be obliged if you could consider it a favour between friends.”

Your mouth gapes and you can only repeat the words. “Y-you want me to bite you… as a favour between friends?”

Eyes never leaving yours, he slowly backs you to the wall. “Will you?”

“…I can’t hurt you, Al.”

He leans an arm against the wall behind you, giving you access to his neck. “Just a little, my dear. Please.”

Well. There goes the easy, uncomplicated friendship.

You grip his lapel with one hand, the other threading into his hair, tilting his head back a little more. He growls deep in his throat as you tentatively open your mouth and softly press your teeth to his skin.

Like you’re indulging an oral fixation, you alternate between pressing your teeth in and sucking softly, and lightly worrying them over a patch of skin a few times before… hesitantly kissing and licking away the pain.

Your heart pounds. What the hell is this?? Is this even what he meant?? But he’s making the most wonderful noises as you work across his neck.

Oh yeah, forget throwing Adam off a building, you’re not sure whether you want to jump off one yourself to avoid the complications of this, or stand up there and shout in excitement.

The hand on your waist grips you harder as you move to his throat. He hisses and sighs with every new nip you give him.

Your nails lightly scratch his scalp as you move to the other side of his neck, but suddenly he grabs your hand and pulls it down to his chest.

You stare at each other for a heated second before he leans in close. Unfamiliar with such things with him, you reflexively move back. Seeing your hesitation, his gaze softens a bit, dropping a kiss to the corner of your mouth before kissing you properly.

“You didn’t even draw blood,” he says, and you can’t tell whether he’s complaining or just in awe of your gentle nature.

“Was it not what you wanted?”

Another kiss is pressed to your lips, both answer and punishment for questioning.

“So… between friends…?”

“You’re an idiot.” He puts both hands on either side of your face and kisses you more deeply.

The song finishes for the third time, leaving you in silence briefly, and only then do you remember that it’s been playing this whole time.

“…Your idiot?”

His smirk is dazzling. “Damn right~” As though nothing has happened, he fixes his collar and frees you from his caging. “Now, you’re going to show me how this whole psychic vampirism thing works.”

“What, now?”

“Yes. Consider it the second favour I owe you.”

When he takes his cane back from its place propped against the opposite wall, the illusion and song fade. He straightens his coat and holds a hand out to you.

His eyes are softer than you’ve ever seen them, and only you would recognise the faint colour still in his cheeks. “Maybe I can use those favours to reciprocate for you somehow.”

You feel a bit dazed as you take his hand, heart still racing. But his own smile is radiant, his step light as he takes you down the hall.

…Maybe you won’t need to steal energy for a while.

[rei-ismyname]

X-MEN #7 From The Ashes

Possibly the biggest downside to the circular, repetitive nature of X-Men comics is that real life is awful enough. Jettisoning the hope of the Krakoan age for the misery porn of From The Ashes feels kinda callous and depressing in a world where there are multiple ongoing genocides and the USA just said yes to fascism again. Nevertheless, join me in some light escapism - a little Magneto goes a long way. Spoilers for X-Men #7.

I've also been spelling Jed Mackay's name wrong. Sorry

Running throughout this issue is Magneto's flashback to The Iron Night. The 'this is Logan behaviour' exchange from the previews has been all over my dash and it's great to get more of this dynamic. It's fantastic to see someone in universe say it out loud - Logan is a whiny little bitch, often a hypocrite, and can be blind to his immortality privilege. Scott knows that better than anyone - his wife's boyfriend throws a tanty like no other. They love him, but it's another reason why he's not the best Wolverine. I hope 'Logan behaviour' sticks around in the fandom.

This is Logan behaviour, Idie

I appreciate the informal nature of the Piper discussion. For one, you don't want to scare the kid or make her feel unwelcome. Idie said that she 'couldn't wait for you (Cyclops) and Magneto' re: Idie - having Psylocke be the one to spell it out for her is effective. The X-Men IS a team and the stakes are incredibly high. Besides, as Beast said in my first screenshot they have a Cerebro. This test could have been done from afar without the risk, and it's implied that it was.

I'm enjoying seeing Idie behaving compassionately, but it looks like she's got some serious anger and mistrust of authority (both justified) from Krakoa. It's great she's getting this kind of character focus and I hope it's followed up on. So many threads and beats have been setup that are likely to be disrupted by the Raid on Graymalkin event kicking off next week, but I'll reserve my judgement on that for when this first arc is concluded.

This is Logan behaviour, wild sentinel.

Gotta love Max and Scott's friendship being shown as they drink crappy beers and bask in Magneto rhetoric. I don't want to question the expert, but is this sentinel Wild or wild? It's clearly not an ORCHIS Iron Man model, but Wild Sentinel has a very specific meaning.

Okay, clearly Wild. It's not attacking either of them, though. Kind of Cyclops to spell out the Star Trek Borg adaptive schtick they've got going on. This is the action scene of the issue, the mandated violence.

I don't mean that entirely pejoratively either. I'm just as susceptible to the Magneto and Cyclops power fantasy as the next person, though it's a bit of a dirty trick to wait until issue 7 to show it.

This is NOT Logan behaviour, Magneto.

Sigh. I love your sense of drama Magneto. Play to the crowd, old man. I hope your monologue doesn't become ironic. Oh wait, we already know it has. This could have been a clever moment.

Uh oh, looks like his knees are weak and arms are heavy. Vomit on his sweater already...

So we see the moment Mags' powers start to shit the bed, right after a Wild Sentinel attack. I'd be suspecting Cassandra Nova's involvement just off these two data points tbh. Which idiot resurrected her anyway?

Oh, fuck off. Logan behaviour, Mackay.

R-LDS sounds like horse shit to me. Scott says 'we don't know that for sure' so how does this speculative condition have an acronym already? Mags is speaking as if it's a fact, but he doesn't even have the same body The Five resurrected. Maybe he has Umari-Key-Waiting Room-Brashear Portal Syndrome. Obviously he's scared but this feels like an idiot ball moment, and a cynical jab at Krakoa. The Five was something they got right, even with Sinister in the mix. The implications would be insane. 16 million Genoshans were resurrected, 250k Krakoans (give or take), a whole bunch of vulnerable human children via The Phoenix Foundation, Captain America, and 1000 fucking years of Sinisterized clones etc that had nothing of the sort.

No, there's way too many data points that apply to Magneto alone to make seriously considering The Five's resurrections as the source of patient zero's malady. It would be scientifically irresponsible to get to the point of naming it and then an acronym for that. Mags is good enough at science to know this, and Beast is too. I'm no scientist, but it manifested during a fight with a Wild Sentinel. I assume they have better resources than the Marvel wiki I'm using, but that robot/Cassandra Nova is my prime suspect - the lady they know for certain to be involved in ongoing genetic fuckery - activating X-Genes. Though not Piper Cobb...

Or yes Piper Cobb? Smash cut cliffhangers aside, this would be a great time to retcon Homo Sapiens Superior right the fuck out of existence. It's never made sense, and not just the 'Superior' part. Again, I'm not a scientist but I'm certain that's not how phylogeny works. They're mutated humans, but I don't live in 616 which canonically operates on impossible physics, so idk. My fingers are crossed but my expectations are nil.

That is Logan behaviour, masked kidnapper

Okay, we'd known from solicits that Beast would be getting beat down in captivity at Graymalkin. I had speculated he'd give himself up to get inside, but the ol' bag over the head works too. I dig his outfit.

X-Men #7 is worth reading IMO, and it's one of the better ones based off Magneto content alone. Last issue I wrote that the formula was becoming easier to spot, and I stand by that. A handful of character moments, some new information about one of the ongoing mysteries but it piles more questions on top of half answers and speculation. For example, we get to see Scott and Max fight a sentinel and be friends. There's new information there but a LOT more questions. The characters are at the point of absurd speculation which raises tension but doesn't make them look very competent. To kick off the event 'Raid on Graymalkin' they went with a final page bag over the head instead of any choice and comic book events notoriously derail everything so friends can argue and punch each other.

All that said, it's only *just* acceptable in my opinion - and that's the best I can say for the rest of the line too. We know that there's been ongoing issues with writers simply not knowing major Krakoan plot points, though they probably have the excuse that they were writing before FOTHOX/ROTPOX ended. Surely there's someone in charge of overseeing all this, like Hickman was as Head of X. *Looks at the credits* Tom Brevoort - Conductor of X... That's a fancy way to say 'line editor/hatchet man.' I'll stop there and save it for the From The Ashes piece I'm doing, but spoilers: I'm not impressed with how this guy keeps failing upwards.

What did you think? Thanks for reading.

[babiebom]

When You Fall (VIII)

A/N: i got the sweetest message from someone(idk if they’d want me to call them out) and somehow it made me want to start on this chapter so I guess it literally just takes someone being nice for me to actually do something lmao. Also happy new year!! Also also whenever I’m writing one of these chapters and the tumblr notif shows up it jumpscares me. Like how do y’all know?

Tw: depression, reader decides to force themself to be happy, cursing. The usual

Wc:3.0k

Previous Next Masterlist

Sweat dripped from your forehead as you attempted to clear some of the farm from debris. It was taking long to clear everything, and though you knew that most of the land would be unused until you actually got enough money to plant more things and get a coop or barn.

Shadow ran around wildly, barking happily as she snapped her teeth at the air. It’s funny, watching her as she runs. Getting pets didn’t make being in a depressive pit completely go away, but they did make that pit less dark, less daunting and lonely. Mango lazed around on the porch, his tail slowly waving side to side as he watched you.

Sticking your rake into the ground and wiping the sweat again, you grin at your animals, letting out a labored breath. “Okay, so, I love you both very very much. And I’m sorry that I can’t take you but they’re hosting an Egg Festival in the town and I’m going.”

You move to sit on the porch, Shadow dashing to crash onto your lap. You open your arms and let her move her big body onto you with a roll. “And I swear I’m not going to enjoy being away from you both, but I have to go as part of my healing. I’ll be back soon.” Neither one of them did anything other than stare at you and then go about their own business as you get up and head inside to shower. Shadow trails behind you after a moment, her tail wagging so hard her butt wiggles along with it. You take one last glance at her as you finally get in the shower, hoping the day goes by quickly.

Walking into the town’s square, it’s like a decorating bomb went off. There are banners and decorative flags and other things littered around in a way that made you think whoever decorated spent way too long out here only for them to be messed up by the wind. There’s so many layers of tape that you feel irritated for whoever had to fix it.

“Farmer!” Pierre calls out from behind his booth. You want to ignore him, not really ready for social interaction but go over to him anyways. Forcing a smile onto your lips you lean on the booth counter, looking at the things he has stocked.

Some strawberry seeds, lawn flamingos, plants, a painting, a bright pink banner, a plush bunny, and a….decorative pitchfork? What kind of stock is this? What does this have to do with the egg festival? You blink a couple times and attempt to control the look on your face, maybe you could buy a couple of strawberry seeds. Even if you don’t plant them this season you can always wait. “Hey Pierre! Selling some good stuff?”

He smiles and moves his hand around, gesturing to his stock. “Yeah, looking to buy anything?”

“Sure…a couple strawberry seed packets…and that plush bunny.”

“It’s pretty cute huh? Okay that’ll be 2,500g.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat. 2,500g? The man has to be insane! What the fuck costed so much that you were being charged this much? “Yeah, prices are a little steep. But I have to make a living somehow,” he chuckles when he sees your expression. You try hard to keep your face in check, not wanting to snap on the man in front of everyone. You were here to make progress, not to make enemies.

After giving him the money you take your new things and stuff them into your backpack. The letter said the festival ended at two, and looking at your watch it was only 9:30. That meant 4 and a half more hours of agony trying to force yourself out of a depressive pit that you aren’t really all too sure you’re ready to leave just yet for the sake of getting better.

Well, at least there’s food…

Hurrying along, the sight of the buffet table makes your mouth water. Not eating breakfast and working all morning in a large field without totally knowing what to do is a bad idea, but now that you’re looking at all the different types of food you can’t help but praise yourself for how lucky starving yourself got you. Now you can eat, then when you get home you can pass out and sleep until tomorrow. Like another rest day that feels like a reward after running around in the dirt.

As you fill your plate with food, you can see Gus and what’s his name…’Clive?’ You think to yourself, nose scrunching in confusion, ‘No, that's a stupid name. Carl? It has to be Carl…what other C names are there?’ In your thoughts you almost drop your plate and gain the attention of the two men, Gus smiles brightly and waves you over while the other man averts his eyes. Weird…

“Hey Gus!” You smile warmly at the older man. There was a twinge of stress in his eye, but it seemed rude to point that out to him. His eyes moved over the rows and rows of food and it occurs to you that he must have cooked almost everything himself being the Towns Saloon owner and all.

“Hey farmer! I was just telling Clint here…you’ve met Clint right?”

You shake your head at his question. You had only seen him around maybe once and heard his name in passing from the blue haired girl who was talking to him when you passed by and from Maru when you were in the clinic. Thank Yoba Gus said his name or you would’ve been stood awkwardly just like you are but more so because you wouldn’t have known his name. “Oh well, he’s the towns blacksmith…anyways I was just telling him how I hope everyone’s enjoying the food. I’ve been cooking for days to get the food ready.”

“Days? Wow thats a lot of work…”

“Yeah I made fried eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, deviled eggs, scrambled eggs, chocolate eggs, you name it!”

“I mean it is the Egg Festival…”

“Yeah, not to mention the other foods. I’d be upset if it turned out horribly.”

You take a bite of whatever was on your plate in front of him, trying to make a show of how good it is, but not really needing to act because WOW can this man cook. How’d he even make this? His eyes light up at your expressions and mannerisms, his shoulders relaxing at the sight of you enjoying the food. “No Gus, I swear this is amazing! You don’t need to worry about anyone not enjoying the food at all!”

“Thank you for the kind words, Farmer, it means a lot to me.”

You nod vigorously, not wanting to ignore him but now overcome with the urge to stuff down as much of the food as you can. What the fuck was in this? Drugs? You can’t even remember the last time you were this hungry.

With your plate you walk around, smiling at anyone who talks to you, and try to carry on conversations that you didn’t really care much about. It had been weeks since you moved here, and you were just now meeting everyone personally. There were so many people living here in Pelican Town that you wonder how you had managed to avoid 60 percent of them whenever you ventured out.

As you make your rounds to the buffet table for the second time, the sight of a bright red cape catches your eye and the man with the eyepatch flashes in your mind. You hadn’t seen him since that day, but you had to find out what those stupid jelly things are.

“Marlon!” You call out, rushing to the man in the corner. He looked surprised that you were speaking to him, but made no moves to walk away or ignore you. Instead he looked slightly pleased. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

His eyebrows quirk up in amusement, “I could say the same about you, don’t hear anything about you going around.”

You shrug and realize that just as much as you stick to your farm, he must stick to the caves and mountains. Neither bad, but awfully lonely when you think about it. You wonder if there’s anyone he lives with up there. “I just thought that you would prefer to be adventuring or something…like in the caves?”

“Yeah, but even with my bad leg I never miss a festival.”

“Oh…say you know down in the caves how there are…things right?”

“Yeah the monsters?”

“Yeah um, have you ever seen the little Jello creatures? They’re really tiny and all but are like really strong for some reason, and jump at you like they’re legless spiders?”

“The slimes? Yeah you have to be careful with them. They might be easy to defeat but can quickly overwhelm you if you’re not careful.”

He frowns at you and you swallow. That’s exactly what had happened. The stupid things were just too much the more you ventured down. But you’d be ready for them next time, and whatever else is down there. “Yeah, they kinda kicked my ass last time I went into the caves.”

He nods solemnly, as if he could relate. Maybe he could relate, having a bad leg and an injured eye and living up there. There had probably been times that he’s gotten overwhelmed and hurt. The thought sends a shiver down your spine. If he could get hurt down there, and you have already been hurt, who’s to say that you won’t just die the next time you go down? It’s weird to think just how lucky you truly were when you were saved.

Thinking of being saved…your eyes flit around quickly trying to spot the man that had saved your life. Maru and Sam had said that Sebastian had gone down into the caves himself to save you, and even though you hadn’t seen him personally since meeting in the Saloon, the need to thank him was always in the back of your mind. And now you have the chance, Yoba you wished you were home.

You bid goodbye to Marlon and shuffled your way to the trio standing off at the bottom of the town’s square. Rehearsing what you’re going to say in your head, you hope that it would be a quick conversation, that you wouldn’t stutter over your words and that you wouldn’t act so awkward that they think you’re weirder than you are. But as you clear your throat as you walk up to them, regret settles in your belly at the looks on their faces. It was like being in school all over again and the kids that you thought were cool were too tight knit as a group and hated outsiders.

Before you could say anything Abigail speaks first, staring straight at you. “Do you think I’m too old to do the Egg Hunt?”

You frown at her in confusion before shaking your head. “No?”

She punches Sebastian’s arm as soon as the word leaves your mouth. “Ha! I told you I wasn’t too old. It’s like, why stop if I’m having fun?”

“How are you having fun searching for eggs with actual children?”

“Hey! Searching for eggs is like going on a treasure hunt! Besides, your sister does it too!”

Sebastian rolls his eyes at her, looking towards the river without saying anything more, choosing to sip on the punch in his cup. Sam looks like he’s suffering and you tilt your head, silently questioning him. “Ugh…it’s my doze…allergies.” His nose is so stuffed up that his words seem heavy. You wince at him and nod in understanding, Springtime wasn’t the best for people with allergies.

Sebastian clears his throat after a minute. “You know what I miss? The rotten egg toss.”

Both Sam and Abigail agree quickly, words coming out both of their mouths too quickly for you to really understand anything they’re saying. They’re very enthusiastic about it, recounting things that happened in previous years. In your confusion you look over at Sebastian, and he swallows his drink quickly. “We used to do a rotten egg toss, a couple years ago. It was only for like two years, Mayor Lewis put an end to it pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, too many people complained that it stunk.” Abigail laughed. It sounded pretty fun, tossing rotten eggs at a target or something, but the smell…ugh.

Before you could say anything else, Sam says he’s going to get more food before the egg hunt starts and they put everything away. Abigail looks between you and Sebastian and smiles. “I’ll go with him, either of you want anything?”

You shake your head, plate still full from the second round. “Maybe some punch? If it’s not too much trouble?” She shrugs and looks at Sebastian who just hands her his cup. She leaves without another word and without turning back. Ha…now it’s awkward…

“I didn’t think you were one for socializing.”

You’re surprised at his words, but think that in a small town there are rarely secrets. Everyone must know that you’re suffering. “Yeah um, just had a bad couple of weeks. I’m better now, though, ready to mingle and become part of the town…being alone is no good.”

He snorts, glancing at you and your heart stutters in your chest. Did he think you were joking? Were you that obvious in your dislike of talking to others? “Yeah sure…been there once.”

You don’t ask him what he means, understanding that he’s seeing right through your fake chipper exterior. For a minute the silence stretches on, but it’s not as tense and awkward as it was before. Maybe it was a good thing he could tell you were faking, there was no need now that it was only you two. “Y’know I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

“For?” He sounds disinterested, but when you look at his face he seems more…uncomfortable.

“You saving me? Your friends told me you went down into the caves to get me.”

“Fucking…yeah. It was no problem. You should be more careful, though, I was only able to help because I noticed that you didn’t come up.”

“Yeah…I really should…anyways. Thanks for saving me, hopefully you won’t have to do it again.”

He shrugs and says nothing.

“I owe you one.”

“Sure.”

The mayor claps his hands loudly, speaking into a megaphone that he’s holding. “If anyone is participating in the egg hunt, gather round. It’s almost time to begin!”

“You participating?” He asks, and for a second you almost say no before remembering that the whole point of coming was to become part of the community and bettering yourself.

“Yeah…you?”

“Nah…”

You nod and cough into your fist, unsure of how to separate yourself from him. “Well, I guess I’ll see you…later?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m either at home, or at Sam’s or the Saloon during the weekends…”

“Okay, cool.”

You walk away quickly, confused as to how you had somewhat made a friend of him? There was that saying that misery loves company…maybe he was the perfect person to be miserable with. He seemed like he had problems himself. Mayor Lewis claps a hand onto your shoulder a little harder than necessary, causing you to wince. “Enjoying yourself, Farmer?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s good! It’s about time you introduced yourself to the townspeople. Everyone was so excited to meet the new farmer in town and you just…disappeared. They thought you were a recluse or something!” He lets out a laugh that makes you frown. You had forgotten how much this guy could talk.

“Yeah well, family deaths will do that to you.” You keep your face straight as you stare at him. He coughs and sputters out some words before the conversation is effectively ended.

After another minute and a half the egg hunt begins and your heart starts thumping in your chest. The kids are already running off, and Abigail is darting around so quickly that you think that she’s going to knock one of them over. Looking at the other participants, the urge to beat them overcomes you. Winning at this means that you’re officially part of the community right? You’re putting yourself out there?

Your feet move without another thought from you and soon enough your basket is full with eggs. Looking at the others it seems theirs are too. You can hear Lewis counting down from ten and your heart races even more. How were you supposed to win this? You run across the square, hoping to get one last egg.

Five…

Where are the rest of the eggs? What the fuck is there no more?

Four…

In the corner of your eye something yellow gleams under the sun. An egg! Near the river!

Three…

You dash towards the egg, hand stretched out towards it.

Two…

A couple more steps to go, you’re unsure if you’ll get there in time.

One…

Your hand closes around the egg and into your basket it goes. Your heart thumps and your breaths come out uneven. But you made it! The last egg.

Lewis calls everyone back towards the center of town, eyes gleaming as he looks at everyone’s baskets. He seems happy to see more people participating in a dying tradition. There were only two kids in town so an egg hunt is bound to get boring as everyone gets older.

It takes five whole minutes for Lewis to count everyone’s eggs, yours being the last basketbhe gets his hands on. “Nine…ten…” Abigail groans in annoyance next to you. “Eleven! The winner is the Farmer! Come up and get your prize!”

Prize? If you knew there was going to be a prize you wouldn’t have tried so hard. Now someone was going to be mad at you for winning instead of them. You walk slowly to Lewis confused as to what he could be offering.

“Enjoy!”

He hands you a straw hat…well at least it’s helpful?

[sentientsky]

So Everything Everywhere All at Once huh

[through a mouthful of my own blood] yeagh. i'm actually so normal about this movie [i trip and fall and a bunch of scenes fall out of my pockets]

additional thoughts and infodump below the cut lol!

No, but genuinely, this film is so fucking incredible!

And I'm glad to see we're on the same page, 'cause I every time I watch this movie, I also spend the last 15-20 mins weeping uncontrollably lol

There are so many facets of it that make me feel as though my heart is clawing its way out of my chest: The enduring message of hope and resilience and compassion—that nothing matters on a cosmic scale, and that things are going to knock the air out of our lungs and leave us reeling with pain. But we create meaning. We are not alone and we are not fundamentally unloveable or worthless or wrong. And we are deserving of care and for people to try to understand and SEE us.

It also (imo) deals with depression and suicidality in such an evocative and important way. Jobu's apathy and exhaustion is so relatable. And the scene where Evelyn reaches into the bagel to pull her daughter back from the precipice of self-destruction? Instant tears. Sobbing uncontrollably.

I also really love the way it subverts the notion of masculinity as something that is emotionally closed-off and dismissive. Waymond is a hero by virtue of his compassion and gentleness (Pop Culture Detective has a really good video on the topic here)

And of course, the mommy issues. A woman traveling through all of time and space—ripping a hole in the side of the universe—just to get her mother to see and accept her? To have someone understand her? Painfully relatable. Send help.

I could go on, but it's pretty late here and my brain is starting to power down (also I don't want to clog up my mutuals' dashes lol). SORRY anyway thank u for this ask, i LOVED it ajskjfskdgds

[doublejango]

how do you allow yourself to write without becoming depressed by the whole process?

Hopefully my answer will be enough, but if you need to ask follow-up questions man, by all means, feel free.

When it comes to writing for RP, I don't get depressed by the whole process because I love it. I really, really love it. I may be ungodly slow, and definitely try my partners' patience when it comes to that, but I love it. I love reading people's replies, love writing my own. I love reading other threads that have nothing to do with me. I love reading other people's headcanons. Or when a crazy magic!Anon happens, like when Lucid ( @brokendreamscreation ) was turned human and just landed splat into the forests of the Pacific Northwest, I adore trying to keep up on that. I often can't, just because I am too busy during the day, but whenever I catch a glimpse? It's wonderful. Or, although they're someone who is pretty busy with university, when @aroyaltailor pops on and mentions something about their muse, it makes my day.

RP is about the writing for me, but also a lot about the people. I just really like seeing people happy, being part of their fun, even if a lot of the time I am just the audience cheering them on. There's nothing depressing about that to me. The hardest part, what does make me sad, is trying to choose well when it comes to mutuals. I want to follow everyone back, but know that I can't. If I can tell that we're not going to mesh because of differences in rules, or if someone just swamps the dash with endless content that's going to make it way too hard for me to see other people's posts (nothing wrong with that! it's just a difference in styles and priorities), I have to regretfully just not follow, or not follow back. I always feel like an asshole for that, not gonna lie, especially when they have already followed me. I'm not mutuals-only though, so in theory if someone wanted to write together and we weren't mutuals? I would absolutely be on board.

Writing doesn't depress me because coming here, even when it is hard, is an escape, a happy place. I was depressed the other day when I couldn't make sentences make sense--they all felt so slippery--but that was the fresh concussion messing with me, causing its own depression, not something resulting from the writing process. But even with that? I am so lucky, so fucking lucky, to be blessed with just the kindest damn mutuals, who have been so supportive and sweet even when I was feeling useless because of the concussion. There are some really special people to me, who even when they are posting with someone else entirely, just seeing them pop up on the dash gives me that little spark of joy that nothing can snuff out, like @botanikos and @visage-of-hell. There are people who know their muses backwards and forwards, who manage to take characters that a lot of the fandom sometimes seem to ignore, like @moxxietude who has just absolutely taken Moxxie and breathed so much life into him, and who could definitely convince me she was part of Viv's team if she chose to, her writing is that solid, that incredible. I just, like?? Fuck, man. And @poisonedspider is a fucking babe--Strode you're magnificent, don't fight me on this--and @infxnatum is one of those unsung heroes of the RPC, who will always go out of his way to send people messages, even when he doesn't get love in return. I feel like somehow, I landed in the best fandom of all, surrounded by the best people? And like I'm being a monster for not @'ing everyone, I am so, so sorry. I know the natural inclination is to feel left out but please, please, I love you fuckers, don't feel left out, I am just rambling so much and realize I need to end this. And just. Yes.

So, TL;DR?

It doesn't depress me because I am surrounded by the most wonderfully uplifting people, and I will do fucking anything for this fandom, I adore you guys.

And if you meant writing as in the writing I do for work--I am really lucky in that the majority of my content is queer, so I get to roll around in feelings and love for my own community. There are occasional non-queer things, like a short story here or there, or a random zoom lecture I was paid to give, or contract pieces--usually articles, always under dry af NDA contracts--that kind of suck sometimes, but being able to produce content for my community gets me through the hard times <3

(Also, I fight with depression constantly, so writing doesn't need to serve depression up to me. We're bros by now, and constantly knocking each other around).

How about you though, are you like--are you doing okay? Are there points you want to talk about? You can IM me, friend, always.

[halfpricedpages]

hey y'all I know we hate on affirmations (and by y'all I mean myself because so many of them are like "I love myself sooooo muchhhh 🎀" and it feels fake as shit and I hate it) but like honestly ive been trying to find ways to help myself cope with fuck ass moral OCD cause ya know it makes my life horrible and its been kind of fun to think of affirmations. its nice to have time to be mindful of what im writing down as well because ocd is a disorder that seeks reassurance and so just getting reassurance doesn't really do much in the long run. anyways here's what ive written in my journal so far !!

my actions do not have malicious intent

I am not the root of injustice

I spread kindness

I am allowed to enjoy things

obviously like its great to be mindful of the injustice in the world and to be conscious of the things you buy and spend money and etc etc but as someone with OCD its not a disorder where these thoughts of "you shouldn't have bought this and you should have reblogged that activism post" are helpful and mindful. these thoughts are internally destructive and they just create such horrible spirals because ill buy a nice piece of clothing and thing "wow I shouldn't have bought that someone else could've wanted this more than me and i'm a bad person for taking this opportunity away from someone" or like today I saw lots of homeless people because I was in the city and I thought "if that homeless person asked me to go into the store and buy him a water bottle I dont know what I would do because if I bought a water bottle it would be plastic and then I would be contributing to the spread of micro plastics and the deterioration of our environment but if I DIDNT buy the water then I would be a horrible person for not helping this homeless man" and so I guess my point is affirmations might not be true for every single person. someone with a shopping addiction shouldn't be like "hey its okay im allowed to enjoy things im excusing my addiction to spending money on clothes" but someone with OCD who struggles with these kinds of thoughts might really benefit from these kinds of affirmations. OKAY THAT WAS SUCH A RAMBLE. im not going to apologize cause its my blog and I can post whatever I want teehee but I do want to say that I think this blog might have more frequent posts about my mental health specifically OCD. not anything really depressing but things that are educational so if you dont want to see that and you just want your dash to be a fun thing where you look at fan art and stuff feel free to unfollow cause you have free will !! okay bye guys

[sugarglider-s]

I see Pokespe Steven brainrot on my dash 👀 Yeah that whole plot makes me insane too fr, good posts, good posts. It is literally so unfair how Steven drops in the middle of Wallace saying they won, that it was over 😩 and Steven can't even finish saying, "that's grea-" before he collapses, he was just sort of nodding along before to Wallace's words, probably hearing them through a haze, I wonder if it truly sunk in, there's not enough time for the reality of everything you've been through and that it was over, you won, to truly come crashing with that relief, you need a moment of peace for that reflection. How Wallace tries desperately to shake him awake only to be met with unseeing eyes with a thousand yard stare, the scream that tore through the pages, how Steven's eyes are closed when we next see him, Wallace must've closed them for him. How the thought, "by the time this is over, I would have reached the end of my life's journey" exists, I want to grab Steven and shake him over that, how long has he been holding and haunted by what he felt was an inescapable fate, a slow death he had come to accept and each agonizing second of it's future memory festering within him like a dark cloud of depression, hacking away at his spirit little by little and all he could do was watch and live through it.

SO!!!! FUCKING!!! TRUE!!!!! AND STEVEN NOT SEEING HIMSELF AS WALLACE’S EQUAL DESPITE HIM SAYING IT TO HIS FACE….

WALLACE NEVER SEEING IT COMING, AND HAVING TO TRY TO FIGHT THROUGH THE GRIEF IN ORDER TO MAKE REGISTEEL COOPERATE AND TRY TO HELP THE CAUSE. STEVEN COLLAPSING INTO THE OCEAN AND WALLACE HOLDING HIM THERE!!!! AS THE WATER TYPE SPECIALIST!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE THE GUILT??? THAT YOUR SPECIALTY, YOUR CRAFT, YOUR HOME, IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT KILLED SOMEONE YOU LOVED???

SCREAMS!!!!!! I JUST. I ALSO THINK SOMETIMES ABOUT WALLACE GETTING PLAGUED WITH VISIONS ABOUT THIS. A TIMELINE THAT NO LONGER EXISTS BUT WAS REAL. AND MAYBE. SOMEHOW. STEVENS BLOOD IS STILL WITHIN THE OCEAN, SOMEWHERE.

[vicsy]

are u okay vic? sending love xx

(hateful ppl only have hate in their sad lives and try to bring everyone else down to their depressing level, don’t listen them!!)

frankly, anon? no, i am not.

and if you think about it, it's incredibly stupid to be all torn up because of a fucking sport I watch for general enjoyment but what else is new? i got into f1 when life hit the absolute possible low for me and it helped me immensely through it all, still does, and i found so many friends and wonderful people and i started writing again. it's pure fucking escapism coming back to bite me in the ass.

it hasn't been great to be an f1 fan lately because of events I don't need to be recapping - it's all out there in its disgusting glory, all over social media every single day. we're just being reminded of how rotten the core of this sport is and how high of a role money and power play. it's not new but disappointing nevertheless, considering there isn't much we can do to try and fix that.

but the hate among us, the fans? it's getting out of hand.

i will never go out on my way to police anyone's behaviour (it is never justified) but clearly there is a line between haha jokes and pure fucking malice. there is having genuine, critical conversations you can have (recently had one with my close friend and it was so refreshing to talk instead of secretly talk shit) and using this sport as a yardstick to measure someone's morals. it's been happening more and more, considering recent comments made by drivers in regards to the ongoing case that deals with harassment. that opened a can of worms that made ALL of us unhappy and even more disappointed, in one way of another. there is expressing genuine opinion and then there is being a hater because it's a trend.

are all Charles fans insane? are all Daniel fans delusional misogynists? are all Lando fans insufferable pricks? are all Max fans outright racists? are all Lewis fans stuck up? I could go on and same sentiment goes for each team on the grid. can we rightfully define someone by who they are a fan of? are we all required to make a statement each time a driver says/does something mindnumbingly stupid in order to, god forbid, not get cancelled along with that driver? can we genuinely bring a driver up without shitting on the other or is it not mutually exclusive?

there has been a barrage of hate towards several drivers and i get it, i do, it's sports, we're always gonna get like this. it's the whole spirit of it. i am not saying we can't root for someone and talk shit about the other. but again, i am seeing the waves of hate getting bigger and bolder, assumptions being made on the spot. people openly calling each other stupid over being fans or having a different opinion. in some ways any sense of compassion and critical thinking is dead in a ditch.

it wasn't like this before, if i am honest, but i am also a rather new fan. i am seeing all sorts of stuff on my dash both from people i don't know and from people i do know. it's a knee jerk reaction, to go and judge someone by posts and stuff, i know it but i made myself not do that. but i am just afraid of this ongoing trend of hate. i really am.

it just seems like there is no margin for error. your fave can either be squeaky clean, completely unproblematic, or they should be shot on sight. it doesn't matter if any of us acknowledge it or not. for some reason, it's a "you are what you eat" situation. and i find it rather unfair. you can separate person and a driver. two things can be true at once etc etc. none of it warrants wishing actual harm on other people.

so yeah, sorry for a rant. i'll stop now and, for what it's worth, i have been trying to unlearn the ways of "people pleasing", so here are just my thoughts that i don't think many will agree with but i don't want to bend under whatever popular opinions circulate here (especially by "big blogs"). i'd rather have people talk to me personally and i am always open to having a conversation, making friends and discussing opinions. those at the head of f1 management don't seem to do better but us tearing each other apart can also mean that we aren't doing any better, too. at least i personally think so. don't take my word as a generalized opinion.

thank you for the message, anon, i appreciate it. sorry again to be Like That. big hug!

[markzari]

SARAPHIC | ᴍᴀʀᴋ ʟᴇᴇ

PAIRING | Demon au! Mark lee x reader

SYNOPSIS | You find out that the person your falling in love with is the one you've been looking for since you were younger and you used to be childhood friends but... something is different about him...

WC | 1.6K

WARNINGS | suggestive, angst, depression, blood, action, violence, child abuse, some fluff moments

A.N | Finally updating..

MARKZARI ©

PART TWO | PART THREE | PART ONE

-

Tuesday 8:43 am I looked over at the same boy again as I saw Renjun sit in his seat across from me. "How long are you going to stare at him?" I smacked his arm as I saw mark look over at us. I noticed that something was different about him. He looks away. I scoffed as I continued looking over at the board to see what the teacher was teaching.

"Today we will be having Partners! For this project you will be explaining this lesson so far as of as well as what you already knew before."

I blanked out hoping I would get Renjun or a random smart student but of course life was against me. "mark lee and __. Since you guys should've already got to know each other yesterday!" I gritted my teeth as Renjun laughed besides me. "Can I go use the bathroom.." the teacher nodded as I dashed out the class. I went outside to the roof as I wanted fresh air.

I sat at the edge of the roof I felt a force or air pushed me forward too much as someone grabbed my arm. "What are you doing?!" I turned and saw mark. "Did you not push me?.." he pulled me away from the edge as he looked at my arm. "I may not like you, but I wouldn't have a reason to push you. How did you get this bruise?" I looked at him in confusion as I looked at my arm and saw a big bruise.

He sighed and took me to the nurse as she just gave me some ointment to help it heal faster. "Thanks.." I said as we walked out the nurses office "yeah sure..." he said as he soon looked at me and walked away. I saw a guy come over to here and drag him outside.

I looked at him and he got dragged "what the fuck?.." - Here they were glaring into each others eyes. As his brother donghyuck shoved him into the wall outside of the school. Hands clawing into his neck, eyes beaming red. "I told you. You can't be around her. Do you not understand what our father could do to her? Are you really that dense?."

mark grips donghyuck's hand trying to get free. "How can I stay away from her when she doesn't remember? I will get her memories back and get her away from those demons. Our father is a pathetic monster. I won't let him near her. "

donghyuck lets him go as he fell to the ground and gasped for air. He snatched his face "If she gets hurt, don't say I didn't warn you."

donghyuck pushes him back to the wall and swung his bag over his body as his tongue fidgeted with his lip piercing out of habit and sighed as he walked away and he vanished.

Mark stayed on the ground, leaned up against the wall "You can't keep me away from her. She needs me just as much as I need her."

-

Time skip

I stayed at late after school finishing my project. Many students had already left and began packing up my bags to leave. I took my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the classroom. I was honestly surprised that they did not close the school yet.

I hurried through the door before I stayed the night there. As I was outside normally, I would go on the bus but of course since I stayed late working on my project alone, I missed it.  

"No, I'm going home now. Stop being so scared. Ren, I know. Blah blah bad people are out at night. Yeah yeah. I have to go now, bye!"

I hung up and scoffed to myself "Not him acting like he cares about me-" I heard a scream and crying. "GET OFF OF ME PLEASE!!" They yelled.

I was confused on who was screaming during this hour.

I turned a corner and saw blood everywhere and a man with red hair biting something. I heard him spit blood out and wipe his mouth "bitter shit." I stepped forward to peak but stepped on a leaf. He slowly turn his head with a tilt.

There was blood slightly leaking from his mouth as he looked a me. Another guy with beauty marks stepped forward. "Come on. We don't have time for this."

I stayed frozen. I couldn't see the guys face clearly but I added one and two together. Red hair... maybe I should stop overthinking...

I remembered mark had texted me saying that he was busy and couldn't work on the project tonight.

the redheaded guy pulled up his hood and shoved past the other

"You can't be out here this late. You should be glad it was us. Go home." the other guy said to me as he pushed through and turned the corner, leaving the bodies and blood for all to see.

I looked back to them and they were gone. A thin gust of black wind slowly faded away.

I rubbed my eyes and let out all the air I was holding in, Thinking about what renjun said. "I need to go home.. Maybe that dumb ass was right.."

I went home and unlocked the door and was greeted with my surprisingly calm and collected mom.

"oh my gosh sweetie! Are you ok?"

I wanted to roll my eyes at her obvious faking but I just slowly nodded and told her everything.

She gave me a hug that seemed to hold no emotion. "You can't go out alone anymore. Go with your friend."

"renjun? No way. He is annoying."

She held my face "remember what I told you. I can only protect you if you listen to me."

Flashback

The little girl skipped down the side walk as the sun was slowly setting. She smiled and froze in her steps as she saw her friend.. Mark.. she was about to wave but he was with a tall man.. her smile slightly dropped and looked in confusion.

She quickly hid and listened to the conversation

"Who is that girl that you've been hanging around? Didn't I tell you to stay away from those annoying humans?" The man gripped the poor child's face and slapped him. The girl covered her mouth as hesitated to go help the boy that she could never admit she had a crush on but chose to stay hidden.

"Your brother listens to me better than you ever will. Your a brat and a cry baby. Grow up. Your older than your brother but you cry like a little girl."

The man scoffed and crouched down to the boy and grabbed his face again. The boy sniffs and stutters out a sentence "B-but she not human... I know she's not. She d-different.." The little girl looked in confusion but continued to stay silent.

The man chuckles and he tightens his grip on the boys face "This is my last warning. Next time ill go get her head myself. This is a promise"

The girl quickly ran back home to her mom and cried and told her everything. She hugged her and held her head. "its okay.. You need to stay away from that boy.. Okay? If you listen to me, I can always protect you.."

End of flashback

I nodded as I felt her grip on my face slightly tighten. She soon let go as I brushed past her to go to my room "goodnight."

I fell on my bed and prepared myself for another nightmare

-

I arrived at school and then my same boring routine as every other day. I walked into the school building and put my stuff away in my locker. from the corner of my eye, I saw that same cold redheaded boy, mark.

he was by himself putting your stuff away with the same bag, but I noticed something.. he had a type of charm...

it looked like mine but instead of an Angel it was a demon. I was going to squint to try to get a better look at it, but I soon saw him turning around.  

So, I quickly close my locker grabbed my stuff and went to my first class, brushing past him in the hallway and I thought to myself “why is that charm so familiar?”

I sighed and pushed away my thoughts and sat down at my desk being greeted by the same annoying face.

“Hey. What took you so long? You walk like a sloth...” The same two shaded toned hair guy laughed “Renjun. I will smack you with this book.”

I huffed as I fell into the seat beside him. I promised myself that one day, I will change seats. 

A few minutes later the teacher finally came in and began the lesson. Once again, mark was late. He soon walked to the back of the class and took a seat.

The teacher glanced but kept her mouth shut now if that were me, I would have detention especially if this were the 50th time week like him.  

I sighed and continued to focus on the lesson. 

-

Class finally ended and I made sure I was the first out the door I did not want to have to bump into anyone that I did not want to bump into.

However, at least that is what I wanted and of course you can never get what you want. As I was going out the door, I bumped into the one person I was not in the mood to see, Mark.

I groaned as I saw him about to walk away until I grabbed his arm “We need to work on our project. I have been doing most of it.” He looks back at me with a cold face and sighs

“Fine. Come over to my house later. I will send you the address. Also, you should stop staying at school late... It is not safe” If breaks out of the grip from my hand and walks back down the hallway.

“What? How does he know that I stay at the school late?..” 

-

MARKZARI ©

[foxytonic]

New Pinned Post!

Howdy! I'm Jay! (she/they, 29, genderfluid, bisexual) This is my main blog, where you'll find fandom content, shiny rocks, spooky shit, funny stories (usually by other people), and whatever else catches my fancy. I run a shit-ton of RP blogs, but only a few of them are active at any given time. I also have a writing blog and an RP meme blog that I occasionally update. Outside of Tumblr, I have a full time job at a fast food joint (hate with a burning passion), and I play a lot of Dungeons & Dragons (love!!!), and I try to just live my life. I'm a disabled punk who's really tired of living in a Red State, but can't bring myself to leave because this is my home, and there are still plenty of good things about it, like roadrunners, armadillos, cacti, cave systems, and prairies! Wish I could get out and see more of it.

Some guidelines for following/interacting with me:

No bigotry of any kind. That means no racism, no homophobia, no antisemitism or religious discrimination, no TERF or radfem bullshit, no man-hater nonsense (even from so-called feminists), and no sexism. Don't like, don't follow. You whine about it, you get blocked instantly. I will not suffer hateful fools!

If you regularly post about politics, US or otherwise, please tag it. Same with the wars in Gaza and Ukraine. It's not that I don't care! I think it's shitty what's happening over there, and the fact that America is on the wrong side in what is essentially World War III is fucking disgusting, but I do not have the funds or mental capacity to donate to every fundraiser that shows up on my dash, and seeing people suffering and feeling guilty for not being able to help has made my depression a lot worse over the past year. This is the reason why I've shut off my inbox.

That being said, if you have questions or want to chat, my DMs are always open! It might take me hours to respond because of my work schedule, but I will at least try. I am a very awkward and shy person. It takes me a bit to start coming out of my shell, and even then, I tend to be a social chameleon, matching the energy and interests of those around me. It is extremely difficult for me to truly be myself around someone else. Please be patient with me.

I do have Discord! If you want it, you can always DM me, but I admit that it's no longer my preferred method of contact, unless you want to voice chat. I'll join a server if I'm invited to one that interests me, but I won't always be active. Something about large groups of people being intimidating even on the internet!

As I said, I run way too many RP blogs, and I'll list the active ones below, but if you want to play with them, either shoot me a DM or send in a starter or five. I'm not exclusive, but I do tend to follow my partners back. I'm fine with playing with Anons, too!

Active RP Blogs

@quaintnecromancer - Arguably my most active blog! Jett is my necromancer OC, and definitely my current favorite character to play.

@haunted-ex-rocket - My newest blog! Averis is a Pokémon OC based on my Pokémon GO! avatar, a rakish Ghost-type trainer from Kanto who used to work for Team Rocket but defected when he stumbled upon the Giovanni-funded Mewtwo Project.

@cursedphoenix - Another of my favorite OCs! Tancred is a witch who was afflicted with a sleeping curse after losing a duel to his evil mother. Over three hundred years later, he woke up, and is still trying to adjust to the modern world after decades of living in it. I used to write both him and Jett over on @covenunited , but that blog is no longer active due to loss of muse.

@feathers-n-fangs - Griffin is my vampire/warlock OC, and I love him a lot! He also has a Pokémon AU, among others.

@mage-of-black-robes - my Raistlin Majere RP blog!!! Heavily influenced by the Russian musical The Last Trial, but he also has a ton of AUs.

I’ll try to add more blogs to this list as I gain muse for them, but I make no guarantees.

[electricea]

@rubbarband sent - ♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in? & ❥ Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you? ( Salty AF Munday Meme - Accepting! )

♒ - Thoughts on the fandom you're currently RPing in?

It's definitely an interesting place since I think Persona 5 is definitely past its heyday so it's much quieter and more chill here - we still do get some new blogs every so often but it does feel like things have slowed down and mellowed out a bit - and that's not a complaint, it's just an interesting shift. I'm honestly still pretty content here.

❥ - Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

Not really ruined a FC but I always feel weird whenever I see pictures of Dylan Everett - for those who don't know, he was an actor on this Canadian teen drama show and back in my group days there was someone RPing as his character - back at the time, it was heavily speculated that the character he played was bi or gay so that was a pretty common headcanon for a lot of muns to write him as much - to especially write him as being closeted since in canon the character did suffer from anxiety and depression and even actually ended up committing suicide in the show (but this was before all of that, but we did still know depression and anxiety were big parts of the character).

So this mun decided to roll with the headcanon that he was gay - perfectly fine, not at all uncommon - where it got really uncomfortable was just how quickly he would develop crushes on other male muses - it really did change on a dime and it felt like he would crush on whoever was nice to him last or even decent to him - and again, a little odd but nothing to judge - but what I can and do judge them for is their extremely awful and negative reaction to female muses who they perceived as being their 'love rivals' - they would get extremely jealous of any female muse they saw interacting with whoever their crush of the hour was and they'd set up a thread with the female muse under the context of hanging out or studying or whatever, only for it to escalate into their muse jealously ranting at them and interrogating them about their relationship with their crush - culminating with them threatening the female muses and holding a knife to their throats. Fucking deranged behaviour in my opinion.

Things got so bad that it even reached a point where pretty much everyone on the dash was openly hostile to their character and hated them - when another character in the group got into a car accident, they were there to chime in saying they wished she'd died. The hostility and the deranged behaviour didn't stop at being in-character though, as we did have a little OOC group chat which I never used but from what I saw they were every bit as erratic and confrontational as their character was, getting into arguments often. Actually, a few years after I left the group I ended up crossing paths with someone who had also been in the group and from what they had explained, the two had gotten in an argument which culminated in the other mun posting a picture of their IP address threatening to come over to their house and kill them - something they still had a lot of lingering fear and anxiety over when we spoke about it. Absolutely fucking insane and it's more insane that was what finally took the mods giving them the boot (I left beforehand so I didn't know) - it created a genuinely unsafe and uncomfortable environment and every day, I fear running into that person again - that person who could change on a dime and threaten you and say the most awful shit.