#I love my journal so so so much
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busting out the blacklight and reading over some journal 3 pages to reminisce
#gravity falls#Bill cipher#I love my journal so so so much#it also doesn't need a blacklight bc it's not actually UV specific ink. just glow in the dark. so a regular flashlight would work#but I'm committed to the aesthetic#listen. I'm sorry ford. and all other gravity falls characters. but I like the cut of bills jib#I'd shake his hand#him pouring gasoline on a burning world is very convincing. sure why not.#also love the constant derision of the humanization designs ahfkahgkka#so true alex. so true. I don't respect those skinny little coattailed waifs either
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Older men's hands are the perfect jewelry on girls' necks.
#grab my neck sir#tc community#teacher crush community#teacher crush#teacher love#tc crush#male tc#teacher x student#tc love#older is better#older man younger woman#oldermen#older guys#girlblogging#just girly things#just girly posts#just girly thoughts#my tc#male teacher x female student#male teacher crush#male teacher#coquette#femaledaily#sillyposting#journal#teacher attachment#i love him so much#i love him#i love you#situationships
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hey guess who’s absolutely losing it over the stan twins again (spoiler alert its me)
so i was innocently scrolling tiktok when i was introduced to this DIABOLICAL au idea: firstly, what if ford really had shot stan with his crossbow when stan first showed up at the shack? and secondly, what if ford tried to bring him back to life frankenstein-style? (full credit to tiktok user @44boora for this idea, go check their account for some gut-wrenching art) (also… full post below the cut this got long)
but like i was thinking about this, ford bringing stan back to life specifically, and how dependent the concept is on this specific time in his life. i just feel like any other time and under any other circumstance, ford would have been able to, eventually, accept stan’s death. we see it at the end of weirdmageddon, where ford is ready to accept that the stan they all know and love is gone now that his memory has been erased. he tells mabel as much, and only realizes there’s hope for him when mabel is determined enough to push back against ford’s logic. ford believes very intensely in his own perception of the world. he believes in science. theoretically, he believes death is death, and there’s nothing he can do to change that.
but then, think of ford after he’s been betrayed by bill. this ford is at his absolute lowest. he can’t trust his own perception of the world anymore. he’s seen the truth of what their relationship was and the horrors he was so close to unleashing on their universe. he is desperate to right his wrongs. he’s losing sleep, his body is abused every time he closes his eyes, and the end of the world as he knows it is iminent if he doesn’t succeed in making the portal as secure and unusable as possible without dismantling it entirely. the only person he believes he can trust after everything that’s happened is stan. so he contacts him for help, and in his time waiting for him to arrive, cannot stop thinking of the worst-case scenario: that bill could still be coming for him. so when he opens the door to stan, his high-strung, paranoid brain doesn’t see stan, and he shoots.
he shoots his own brother with a crossbow and kills him.
ford is not usually one to blatantly ignore a scientific fact. again, death is death, and there’s nothing he can do about that. and yet, in a state of such intense grief, when his entire world is already close to crumbling around him and he’s holding his dead brother in his arms, there’s nothing else he can feasibly do but deny. so he does.
he lives in denial of a lot of things. that stan’s death is final, obviously, but also his reasonings for attempting to do the impossible and revive him. ford likes to believe he operates purely on logic, so he tells himself he’s doing this because he has to. without stan, he can’t prevent bill from entering their universe. he’s still the only person ford can trust, so reviving him is another step in his ultimate goal of stopping bill and saving the world. it doesn’t matter that its never been done before, ford will do it anyway. and he believes that he can, because as much as he thinks he’s moved on from his hubris, he’s still acting off the assumption that he’s special. he’s so far ahead of everybody else, so naturally, if anybody could accomplish the impossible and bring stan back from the dead, its ford.
and so he denies that the real reason he’s trying to save stan is not a logical one. he denies that he’s running entirely on emotions. it would be foolish to try something so risky and impossible and time-consuming if he were only doing it because of his crushing guilt and decade-long yearning, so he tells himself there’s so much more to it than that. he can’t just be doing this because he loves him, right? he’s not that shallow. he’s not that desperate.
and yet, he is. because as much as ford wants to deny it, he can’t live without stan. he can’t live with the knowledge that he was responsible for stan’s death. if he didn’t succeed, his grief would surely kill him.
#this concept is consuming my every waking thought#there’s just something so… cathartic? about their roles being reversed and ford saving stan#i feel like so many people downplay just how much ford loves him#the amount of times ford mentioned stan in his journal? UGH.#and that’s just journal 3!!! and only the things he wrote down!!#imagine how often he must have thought of him… he holds stan and his childhood so dear its devastating#there’s no question in my mind that ford would pull a victor fucking frankenstein just to see his brother again#i’m so devastated about this#ripping my hair out#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#stanford#stanley pines#stan pines#ford and stan#stangst#stanford pines analysis#analysis#gravity falls au#frankenstein au
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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i have been reading through the diary I kept from ages 14-17 and realising how helpful it can be to keep a record of how you're feeling at different moments.
not only is it helpful to write down and process how your feeling and give yourself time to truly think about it, it's nice to have something to look back on. to not just remember how you felt about a certain situation but to actually have yourself from that time tell you.
and also, from an adhd perspective, it's really lovely to have reminders of things I'd almost entirely forgotten. it's easy to think that your life right now isn't interesting, but in 5 years time? to know what songs you were listening to or book you were reading or even that Thing that you were so worried about but now you can't even remember the details. it's nice to have a physical reminder that time passes and things really can get better.
#i think part of whats makes it so special to me is that (like it is for a lot of people) those ages where so *much*#and i was so stuck in my head and socially anxious and i feel like those years of school rly shaped who i am now ect#but id kind of forgotten? its become a blur emotions over time and its nice to see it clearer#but also how i changed? and to read into it and see what i did or didn't write#im also a big fan of the inner child and doing things for your younger self and its a lovely gift to have her speaking to me directly#also if you want to journal i highly recommend doing it in a normal notebook rather than a pre planned one#it gives you the freedom for it to be whatever you want with none of the pressure#recovery#tips
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Okay now that I've reblogged that one post...
Holy shit
Like, please understand me. This is how I already interpreted these relationships after reading Journal 3 but like
Wow Ford really was in a weird kinda complicated gay situationship with Bill and Fiddleford, huh? When he's all alone on Christmas in tbob he's all like "Oh yeah haha of course...of course. You have. Yeah. You have a wife, F. How could I expect you not to leave. I am totally not secretly hoping you'll turn around and come back to me, or that you'll even bring your family back here if you have to so I can see you. I'd retreat to my dreams but I haven't seen my muse in weeks and I miss him so badly. I'm so alone"
He and Fiddleford aren't even dating but it's hard not to get the light impression that this situationship is such that Ford kinda treats Bill like his comfort triangle from his head and dreams and Fiddleford like his comfort best friend in his lab. Like he's sad on Christmas that his boyfriends left him alone, you know? Of course it's definitely more complicated than just that, but they are dear companions to him
Or when Bill finally comes back and Ford is pissed
"You return now? After all of that, after me missing you so badly, almost dying, wondering if I'd dreamed it all up. You return now like it was no biggie? Did you ever mean the things you said? Did you not find some other scientist or some other big brain to talk up? Have you found someone else? Another partner?"
And then Bill, dodging the question was like "Funny you think I'm cheating on you as if you haven't been spending all that time with F. The side bitch. The third wheel. You've even considered telling him everything, even though you know he has second thoughts. Heh. A little birdie told me he dreams of shutting down the project even."
Leading Ford to be like "Aw hell how could I accuse my muse of such a terrible thing when I haven't been a saint. He's right! F has been much less motivated lately and I've just gotten so paranoid from the isolation. I'm so sorry for my baseless accusations."
I don't even have a lot to say I just love these three. Fiddleford put up with a lot of shit from Ford while also dealing with his own problems and trying to help him regardless, while Stanford saw him as a comfort and a good friend but ultimately someone who was of lesser mind than he and couldn't see things through his eyes, while Bill was in Stanford's corner actively making him worse and contributing to his isolation (trying to get him to drop Fiddleford and actively feeding his paranoia), while Stanford was seeing both relationships of his with stars in his eyes and rose tinted glasses because he refused to do some introspection
There's so much stuff that journal 3 and tbob added to the equation that's just bad/shitty all around. Can't believe Ford went through a double divorce/breakup despite not having ever been married (or, at least, despite not even officially dating them sorta)
The entire situation in the past is just tragic and hilarious and concerning all at once and that's what I like the portal trio for tbh
#gravity falls#tbob#the book of bill#fiddauthor#billford#journal 3#tbob spoilers#book of bill#book of bill spoilers#stanford pines#bill cipher#fiddleford mcgucket#i just be ramblin#for the record this post isn't really intended to be deep analysis or thought my brain is just running with thoughts after reading tbob#yesterday and I love them#there's just so much in that book#so much#And I think it's funny what Alex did making the situationship even more textual and honestly just adding more things in general that are#absolutely discourse starters#tbob is really good for character studying Bill and Ford#I don't have anything profound to say I just love the complexity and softness (at times) and toxicity of Bill/Ford/Fiddleford
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guys..
#it seems i have a type for this character dynamic lol#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#victor frankenstein#henry clerval#fiddauthor#clervalstein#<- i love them all so much#maybe it's my introverted stem student swag that yearns for this kinda friendship#but anyway.. just finished reading through journal 3 and when i got to this part i couldn't help but think of that section of frankenstein#gravity falls#frankenstein#frankenstein or the modern prometheus#void meows
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I somewhat vividly imagine things. My partner has learned that I’m a fox. Now they refer to my tail and paws when I’m just living my life. I’m not used to it.
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junk journaling
#junk journal#scrapbook#collage#scrapbooking#post#personal#stickers#i love scrapbooking so much - i used to do it as a kid sometimes with my mum#it’s one of the best ways to decompress i can do it in complete silence for ages and zone out#when i’ve done more pages maybe ill scan them that could be fun#i wanna incorporate more photos & actually remember to keep receipts more etc
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hello!!! trying out posting osc stuff!!! (my true passion)
i recently binged all of ppt2 with @pi-roach and we had a lot of fun!!!!!! we both redrew random ass screenshots lol. here's mine!
mr hand my beloved (original below cut)
#osc art#osc community#osc#object shows#object show#object show art#my artwork#digital drawing#object show artwork#object show fanart#object show fandom#paper puppets take 2#ppt2#ppt2 mr hand#ppt2 osc#paper puppets take two#journal ppt2#ppt2 journal#mr hand ppt2#redraw#screenshot redraw#screenshot repaint#coppercatz#i love mr hand so much and i want him#object show angst
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EVERMORE by taylor swift (feat. bon iver) — “and i was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. and i couldn’t be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”
my #swiftiegiftexchange2024 for @lovesickallovermybed!!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽
#HIII HII HII how are you <3333 SO sorry for being slightly to the party but HII#i saw that you are currently recovering from surgery and i‘m wishing you all the best and =a faster recovery 💗💗 i hope you’re okay and#are feeling and getting much better every day 💗💗💗#i’m your anon swiftie and it was really nice to get to know you!! 🫶🏽 you’re super super talented and your gifs are so so STUNNING#it was such an honor to be your anon for this event and i had such a fun time making this !#i was SO excited when i saw that some of your favorite ts songs are evermore and idsb. really really sorry i didn’t have the time to make#something for both because my laptop went dead for sometime and i ended up only having the time to make this 😭#evermore the song is something i hold and cherish deeply in my heart too and it was something that has seen some of the worst of my days#and so i decided to do this song for your gift instead!#i can’t really gif much and couldn’t even try#because my laptop in which i had installed ps in went rip so i decided to make you this#(slightly messy sorryy) scrapbook of my view of the song! i tried to incorporate some of the descriptive lyrics and the objects mentioned i#the song and i hope you like it 😁!#and because i think evermore is also something that IS meant to be incredibly personal to the people that listen to it#i decided to include some photos (+added highlights on every lyric that has ever touched me which is almost everything as you can see 😭)#of some of my journal pages on which i rewrote the entire lyrics (except bon iver’s addition 😅) in ‘21 when the song meant to me the most!#i hope you're having a great dayy love 🫶🏽🫶🏽#SwiftieGiftExchange2024#taylor swift#tswiftedit#evermore#*my edits#nadine.mp3
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✨Happy Valentine’s Day from Naminé’s sketchbook journal 💕
#kingdom hearts#art#kh#can you guys find the little namiku hints I dropped in here?#Valentine’s day#Naminé definitely has a drawing journal#I love how much you guys seem to like my pastel pieces#they are SO fun to work on#I wuv you all#if you have an appropriate question for me feel free to hit the ask button 💕#my art#starfiresky#namine#cute#chibi#unique#kh2#sokai#pastel#Sora#Kairi#Sora x Kairi#digital art#illustration#artists on tumblr
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What did/do you like about Pharah?
Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.
Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).
But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.
There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.
Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.
#i was a diehard pharmercy shipper back then btw#the inherent homoerotic experience of pharmercy gameplay.#the homoerotic experience of looking to the skies to fly to safety under the protection of your knight in shining armor#the homoerotic experience of feeling white hot murderous rage at an enemy trying to pick off your pocket mercy#i still kinda despise gency lmao. you cannot convince me mercy would be in love with genji. at all.#he'd make her feel so uncomfortable and guilty. in my head. the canon is obviously different#gency is sexless. absolutely zero bite or tension.#i could go on about mercy and how her character has so much missed potential#i'm no longer in my overwatch fandom phase but#i still think about that new flirty line they added in ow2 where mercy goes “ahh you're like my knight in shining armor!”#and pharah goes “that's what i'm goin for ;)” and i sigh dreamily#really happy that pharah outright says she's a lesbian too but it's hard to feel good about rep when you know blizzard uses it for pr#to be honest i'm willing to bet cash that blizzard's keeping pharmercy in their back pocket as ammo for the next controversy#last year we already saw logs about pharah fretting and taking care of mercy and the two talking about how good it is to see each other#tbh pharah has the same energy/demeanor as applejack. cheerful and competitive in a can of whoopass#but yeah overall pharah's a pretty shallow character. i have IDEAS on how i'd go about deepening her but. whatever#that's sorta what happens when you have to juggle a cast of 40 characters. a lot get left with the bare minimum#ok so i wrote this entire post up saying that pharah isn't in ow2's storymode when she is. she's in the story i just. forgot#because she doesn't do or contribute anything interesting#ok i'm stopping here. overwatch's story is such an interesting narrative mess i could go on for hours#i dunno how you come up with such incredible character designs and give them such an unincredible story#it's also so so so interesting seeing the conflicting takes on characters the writers have#mercy in gameplay and voicelines is peppy and cheerful and optimistic#but mercy in the storymode journal logs is tired. jaded. a total shut in who forgets to leave her room and social#and YES! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! THAT'S MERCY TO ME!!! THE DOCTOR WHO FORGETS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF#ask me#anon
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rip farleigh start you would've loved tumblr dot com
#hes alive and well and he has a blog#two actually maybe three#one of them is a discourse blog. hes a petty hater at heart he is free he is so dgaf about it#one is cottagecore aesthetic with poetry and its untagged. he goes there deep at night to detox#i love him so much hed be my fav mutual <3#ive said it before but the best platform for saltburn gang rp is tumblr. i wont elaborate#saltburn#farleigh start#mwah#mine#saltburn journaling
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actually, posting the little commentary clip where alex talks about gideons origins because I want it on my blog haha
#this is the clip I was on about in the doodle post. about gideon being a Weird Kid#like I know they dont ever SAY he has albinism but he totally does in my world and thats his like#his physical Weird Trait. like ford has his finger. dipper has his birthmark.#something that makes it difficult to 'hide' that all three of them have. they actively stand out#which gets them singled out in life and they seek a sort of kinship in this weird magical stuff going on#and its fun comparing the three journal owners and how they respond to that power! ford and gideon go down darker paths#dipper has at least the decency of being a pretty nice dude and having a support network to stop the worst of his#but i love that they all had the potential to be villains. and they all have the potential to NOT be too#.. i shall stop myself before i go on a tag ramble.#i love drawing parallels between the three original journal owners so much ok haha#gideon gleeful
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Girls, I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to know what happened, I haven't been able to sleep for days because of all this.😫
So today after school I didn't go home straight away, but I wrote him a message asking where he is and I want to talk to him a bit. I wrote just in time, because he replied that he was leaving now, but we could meet in the yard. I quickly ran out into the yard where I saw him, he was smoking and leaning against the wall, it seemed that he was going to his car because he had his bag and a lot of papers.
So out of a sudden impulse, since I had been waiting so long for us to talk, I ran to him and without even thinking, I just opened my mouth: "I feel like I'm not important." - I told him honestly while trying to catch my breath (bc I had been running so far) lol YEAHHH girls���I told him this without any hesitation. ???!! WTF WHY
And R (I think) expected everything but this, because he looked at me with such big eyes and then started to laugh softly and put down his cigarette. Ofc I got upset bc I thought he wasn't taking me seriously and I told him: "this isn't funny! are you mad at me?" 😭😭 After that, my eyes widened when he came closer to me and raised his hand. "Do you see this?" - he asked and pointed to the bracelet that I had given him... "If you weren't important to me, I wouldn't be wearing this gift." - he said, ruffled my hair and pinched my face again. (i died)
After that, he told me that he had a lot to do and that he had to go now because he was already late. The events happened as fast as always, so I just nodded and he said goodbye.
Honestly, I'm a little relieved that there's no problem between the two of us, but I feel that it's no coincidence that he's been "neglecting" me so far... but it's okay now.
so maybe i don't need to worry?
#story time#tc community#teacher crush community#teacher crush#tc crush#male tc#teacher love#teacher x student#tc love#teacher attachment#male teacher crush#girlblogging#male teacher x female student#student x teacher#my tc#male teacher#just girly things#just girly posts#just girly thoughts#journal#coquette#dear diary#oldermen#older man younger woman#i love him so much#i love him#i love you#i really want him#relationship#feelings
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