#I love dumb space marines

[therealcrackerbarrel]

Made some changes to add some more color and he is really coming along! I’ll probably try to clean up some of the edges but he is 90% ready to kick shredder’s ass

[goingmerryfics]

Hello, could you please do mihawk, benn, Rayleigh and shanks x f reader who is a lot younger? (like early 20s)

Younger S/O - Shanks & Mihawk

Content: female reader, age gap, younger (but not minor ofc) s/o

Notes* Hey! So I tried a few times to write for Rayleigh and Benn, but I just don’t know their characters like that- so here's the two I know I can do! I apologize for it being a little shorter than normal, I opened up requests and then immediately got cursed with writer's block again

Shanks

Shanks definitely does not look his age, so when you’d spotted him at the bar all those years ago, you had no reservations about flirting with him

He was totally into it, too. A young, pretty girl showing interest in him? Hell yes

At first, it was a simple fling. But then Shanks continued to return to your island again and again, seeking you out over and over until it wasn’t just coincidence anymore

You two became a couple, but on the low. Shanks didn’t need any idiot bandits, pirate or marines targeting you to get back at him

In the beginning of your relationship with him, he was very careful about the power dynamic between you two

He was a powerful man and an older one at that, so he makes extra sure that during the time you two spend together, he takes care of you very well

Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t tease you!

Around the crew or people he feels can take a joke, he calls you his sugar baby

You hate his dumb jokes, but you love him, and he loves you

Mihawk

Mihawk is the type of man that he doesn’t care who you are or where you come from

Age would not factor into his views of his wife. If he loves you, he loves you

While he’s not always the type to show that outright with words or constant physical affection, he prefers to show it with acts of service

Respect is his top priority as well- doesn’t matter the age. You will be respected and regarded highly as his wife

He’s a protector, but sometimes overly so. That’s where the age gap gets him- he often assumes that you need help or company with anything from household chores to a walk on the island (but to be fair, the island can be dangerous

He also likes to use old slang, which sometimes leaves you baffled as to its meaning

It’s actually pretty funny having to ask him what the hell he’s talking about when he says things like, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”

It’s one of the rare moments when you can watch him laugh, because the sheer confusion on your face amuses him

He gives you your own space in the castle as well. He values his own solitude at times, so he’s sure you want yours at times, too

[ask-ciaphas-cain]

They have protein shakes we can't even imagine

A side effect of taking one's gym-sessions seriously again (also called "no loner haunted by the deadline") that I once again did not expect is the all-consuming hunger. Never before have I related to the Nids so much like the times when I actively go back to 3+ training sessions a week. CALORIES FOR THE CALORIE GOD, CARBS FOR THE CARB THRONE!

But it also got me thinking - just how do Space Marines handle it? Not only do those big bodies need a bunch of fuel, they also have a whole company of new recruits at all times, and those go completly beyond "kids currently hitting a growth spurt" in terms of dietary needs.

For reference, a Space Marine without armor weights about ~400kg more or less dependant on personal genetics and specific geneseed. This is mostly due to muscle mass being considerably more dense than fat as well as a number of skeletal enhancements.

If I would take myself as a starting point here with ~70kg, that would mean to become a Space Marine I would have to more than QUINTUPLE my weight over the course of five or so years with most of that frontloaded into the first years. So let's assume three years. A quick googling says that it takes about 6000+ of EXCESS kcal to build 1kg of muscle, of which 1800 will be contained in the actual muscle and the rest of blown on the actual construction process - and denser stuff like bones will at least take just as much if not more.

So let's just make a short calculation: 6000kcal x 330kg to gain = 1,980.000 EXCESS calories that you need IN ADDITION to the ones you need to keep your body functional. On that note: the average human body burns roughly 2.000 a day, more or less depending on sex, size, and so on, but generally that is a good middle ground to work with. So if we take that big number and divide it through that, we get 990 days worth of regular people food. So you need as much food as a regular person eats in 3 years - just as extra bits, for the weight gain! So these 2k a day come on top of what is already needed!

But how many calories DOES a Space Marine need? A regular human's 2k is definetly not cutting it, and the number goes up depending on how much muscle and other active bits you have. All those extra bones they have won't burn much, but the muscles surely will - and they also do training and stuff! So you can take a Strongman athlete as a baseline, and you reach a point where your body requires 7000kcal or even more a day to function during intense training, perhaps more. If we add the 2k from before, that's 9000kcal of food PER DAY EVERY DAY for several years, and that's on the lower end of things when it comes to rough estimations.

JUST WHAT DO THEY FEED THOSE KIDS?!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: november 2024

*arrives halfway through december with a hot chocolate in hand* WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT I READ IN NOVEMBER

this is not going to be my best or most thoroughly written roundup but I want this shit posted so you get what you get

Sharks Don't Sink: Adventures of a Rogue Shark Scientist (Jasmin Graham with Makeba Raisin, 2024) - as a shark enjoyer who was too dumb to go into marine biology, I was really looking forward to Graham's book about her experiences as a Black woman working in this very white field. while the book's a bit dry it's also a fun, quick read, with an infinitely likeable narrator whose passion bursts out of every page and will delight anybody who also loves sharks. Graham's determination to forge her own path and make spaces for herself and other women of color makes for an inspiring story, and though this book isn't specifically targeted at younger readers, I'd happily recommend gifting it to any girls looking at getting into any kind of animal-related field so that they can find a worthy role model in Jasmin Graham.

Bite by Bite: Nourishments and Jamborees (Aimee Nezhukumatathil, 2024) - I feel bad, but I was disappointed! I was so smitten with poet Nezhukumatathill's previous collection of short essays, World of Wonder, in which she extolls the virtues of various animals and plants. while I always enjoy a lush description of a good food, and the illustrations were very charming (the shave ice in particular had me YEARNING to blow my savings on a trip to Hawaii), it Bite by Bite lacked the substance of its predecessor. the connections drawn in each essay felt a bit more contrived this time around, with many feeling like thinly veiled justifications for Nezhukumatathil to pontificate on her sons growing up rather than celebrating the foods she spotlights for their own merits. I ended up feeling as if I was rushing to get it over with, which is always sad.

Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age (Annalee Newtiz, 2021) - this was one of the most unexpect delights of the year. I know borderline nothing about archaeology and anthropology, but Newitz paints such vivid images of their subjects that I found myself getting genuinely emo about disaster relief efforts in Pompeii. idk what it was, man, but they took their right turns stupid just like we did! humans is the same after all this time! it's been a while since I picked up a book about something totally alien to me and got to settle in for the pure joy of learning from a talented writer, and this book hit the spot tremendously. if anyone is planning on doing my 2025 book bingo challenge and needs an idea for the nonfiction about a topic that's new to them, consider this a recommendation!

The Truth According to Ember (Danica Nava, 2024) - maaaaan. I wasn't, like, blown away by the synopsis of this romance novel, in which the titular Ember lies about being white rather than Chickasaw in order to land a job only to immediately find herself crushing hard on a Native coworker, Danuwoa, and getting increasingly wrapped up in a web of lies. while the plot's not exactly original, I was excited to check out a book by a Native author about Native characters getting a pretty big release, something I hadn't yet encountered in romancelandia. but honestly? the biggest disappointment in this book wasn't the unoriginal story or Disney Channel sitcom-levels of hijinks to maintain the various lies, but it's the fact that lying about being white isn't even really the crux of the plot. Ember doesn't get fired for that! that's not actually the thing anyone has an issue with! she gets in trouble for lying about having a degree that she doesn't have to get a job she's wildly underqualified for, which is a significantly bigger issue! but all of the marketing is based on her lying about being Native, which feels... idk, it feels misleading? also the romance takes, like, a loooong time to show up; Danuowa is very secondary for like the first third of the book while we learn about the ins and outs of Ember's life, family drama, and new job. I don't know if I've ever been begging for a romance heroine to interact with love interest more, but this book made it happen.

The MAGA Diaries: My Surreal Adventures Inside the Right-Wing (And How I Got Out) (Tina Nguyen, 2024) - on the one hand, I really fuckin' feel for Tina Nguyen. what started out as a college flirtation with libertarianism spiraled into a deep immersion in the burgeoning alt-right thanks to her then-boyfriend, including a brief stint working under Tucker Carlson himself. Nguyen ultimately comes to realize the extent of batshit insanity the republican party is descending into, jumping ship well before the 2016 election thanks to an increasing sense that something is deeply amiss among the right's journalism core. (one especially chilling anecdote involves Nguyen, the daughter of Vietnamese immigrants, discovering that her longtime mentor, a man she had trusted for years to help advise her career, had been caught discussing a desire to curb America's population of immigrants.) although she spins her firsthand knowledge and exhaustive list of contacts to start reporting on the right for liberal outlets, Nguyen remains skeptical of what she perceives a critical lack of organization among the Democrats, which I can certainly forgive her for. I have a bit more side eye for Nguyen's reluctance to fully condemn some of her old colleagues; in particular, she goes to lengths to emphasize that Carlson was a pretty chill boss. idk, maybe it's hard to cut ties that completely, even with people who turned out to be monsters. overall the memoir is lacking any especially artful prose but is a bitchin' gossip piece with some decent insights into how the right organizes.

Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning (Cathy Park Hong, 2020) - it's always so momentous when a book actually lives up to the hype. Hong blurs memoir and essay for a resonant and painful examination of all the ways Asian American identity gets tangled up in shame, including her own. this book is potent, and by far one of my favorite nonfiction reads of the year. I think @zaricats recommended it like 700 years ago so thank you for that!

Crazy Rich Asians (Kevin Kwan, 2013) - it's. fine. it's literally just fine.

The Nightmare Before Kissmas (Sara Raasch, 2024) - not fine, this one sucked shit so bad it gave me a headache multiple times. how do you squander a premise as silly as "the Christmas Prince and the Halloween Prince are in secret gay love"? how do you make that boring? why was this mostly just a book about workplace politics with a little tinsel on top? unfortunately I WILL be reading the sequel in March, but only to complain.

Doppelganger: A Trip Into the Mirror World (Naomi Klein, 2024) - a dizzying work that ties together an astonishing number of ideas, beginning with Klein's own frustrations with being mistaken for disgraced feminist writer turned vaccine conspiracy hack Naomi Wolf to the chaotic and reactionary political landscape that so many of us find ourselves struggling to make sense of. it's a heavy and heady book, dense with well considered observations and expertly articulated thoughts despite Klein's own acknowledgement that her "research" often veered into unreasonable levels of obsession. despite Klein's long career this was my first time reading her work, and now I am Listening to anything and everything she has to say.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 12 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2023) - I truly genuinely can't say anything about Volume 12 without saying that, by the time I'm posting this, I have also read Volumes 13 and 14 and finished the series and man. man man man. this story is just so GOOD. genuinely I love Dungeon Meshi so much.

Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy (Hallie Lieberman, 2017) - a very fun and interesting history of the sale of sex toys in the US, including some very appreciated love for unsung heroes of the sex toy field like Jewish ventriloquist Ted Marche, Black disability activist Gosnell Duncan, and all of the women who pioneered sex stores that prioritized woman as their clientele. granted, that last group of second wave feminists comes with all the accompanying second wave bioessentialism you'd expect, and I'd be remiss not to note that the book also takes a frustratingly cissexist approach in the way it talks about man = penis and woman = vagina. I don't think Lieberman sought out to be deliberately transphobic (there is, briefly, a mention of a trans woman taking over one of the sex toy companies the book follows, and she is recognized as a woman even if her transition is shoehorned in rather awkwardly) but simply out of her depth with knowing how to address trans people in the very binary historical narrative she constructs. it's grating, but also unsurprising for a book published in 2017. if you can handle the cis weirdness and you, like me, are interested in how sexuality and pleasure are litigated, I'd really recommend checking this one out; I've already added it to the official sex witch library. it's worth the read for the surprising history of Adam & Eve alone.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 12/24/2024

pair of portentous tuesdayposts: this one is christmas eve and the next one is new year's eve

trying something new with the reading section, where i list off a bunch of books i bounced off and briefly explain why. let me know if this is interesting, or if it's more interesting when i finish a book i sort of enjoyed and really dissect what didn't work for me like with that annoying evil wizard book a couple weeks ago.

listening

the true champ of the past few weeks has been friends at the table's (an actual play podcast about critical worldbuilding, smart characterization, and fun interaction between good friends) horror/weird west season Sangfielle, and i know i have listened to about sixty hours of it bc i have played about sixty hours of stardew valley. i am currently on ep 49, one before the last finale episode, and it feels like it is wrapping up in a very rushed and weird way? maybe i will feel differently after listening to the six coda episodes wrapping up everyones' characters?

the song of the week is fleet foxes’ white winter hymnal, which is morbidly festive without being strictly christmas-y and is not salting the open emotional wound within my chest that is The Holiday Season. album released 2008. christ im old

-

reading

the concept of this gag award is EXTREMELY funny to me. i wish the EFF sent them a little physical trophy. perhaps a challenge coin.

bounced off a lot of stuff. the six larger books and the far top right are all from my absolute favorite thrift store with the worst vibes, who regularly has a 8/$1 media sale bc they actually want to be more of a kitchen goods and home decor thrift store and don't really want to constantly be overflowing with records no one buys. yet here they are.

i really do need to find a good indie used bookstore around here that will take books and give me back slightly more in store credit than in cash. bc i would like to fill some missing chunks of trilogies/fill out the star wars shelves a little more. but every time i have gone to half price books i have had an unpleasant time.

lumberjanes/bravest warrior/adventure time were not making me feel nostalgic and in fact made me quite sad instead (more in a memento mori way than in subject matter) so they're going to a friend's kid

glad i looked up Heartthrob (despite the really good premise of woman haunted by her heart donor) on my library's comic app bc the third one seems to mostly take place in a mental hospital which is really never a vibe i want

GRIFTER has art i don't love and a bland storyline about an ex-marine who is the saddest boy in the world and can also detect literal space aliens living among us. no thank you

tangle's game has a close-call near-sexual assault in the first chapter. no thank you! cool dystopic social credit score premise but no thanks!

gil's all fright diner is about the king of vampires and the duke of werewolves but they're hicks. the narrator hates that they're dumb hicks. did not jive with the authorial voice on this one

i bought Two Tickets to Tangiers in high school bc it looked cool and have only cracked it open now, almost fifteen years later. fifteen year old kay did not yet have the context clues from the cover that it would be a very racist travelogue

i need to stop trying agatha christie. i am never going to like agatha christie

-

watching

somehow i have seen the first tinker bell fairies movie three times this week bc that's all my bestie's toddlers want to watch. a really stupidly stacked cast??? how did all these people have free time in 2008???

-

playing

finished the community center in summer 2 of stardew valley (wildly popular and very intense farming sim) and would have finished it in winter 1 if not for the FUCKING pufferfish. i hate fishing minigames and i especially hate the fishing minigame in stardew so i am excited to leave it the fuck alone for a while.

my cauliflower got stupid mchugelarge?? i do not know why they did that. also a meteor fell on my farm and gave me a bunch of really valuable ore, just like real life meteors.

i do kind of regret picking the beach farm bc so much of my day is spent watering, but i am trying to lean harder into animal products and being more of a fun silly flower farm instead of the intense agriculture i find myself doing. i have the greenhouse, i have a small patch of sprinklerable land, i will simply make sure to buy some of every seed each season and if i really need something i will toss it in the greenhouse.

-

making

people are being very gracious about their mediocre colored pencil portraits. most of my gift budget this year was two flat rate boxes to my siblings. silly little pet portraits are very cost effective if you already have art supplies, nice paper, gumption, and very cheap small frames.

[jame7t]

I got into warhammer like this year almost exclusively due to my love of Vermintide and latched onto Orks because heehoo funny dumb boyz anyways I’m very proud of my Gorkanaut I assembled last month he’s my beautiful son and in his first game he careened directly into the perfect gap of space marines and blew them all up in a fireball of death thanks bye

RATING: CUTE ❤️

It’s enrichment for Orks to kill the sons of the corpse emperor!

[deleteddewewted]

I’m very brainrotted, so the way I dumbed down Warhammer lore so other people can get it and I myself can get is by making very bizarre comparisons. Some examples are:

Sisters of Battle: Catholics/Lesbians

Sisters of silence: Lesbians

Custodes: Asexual workaholics

Adeptus Astartes/Space Marines: Homoerotic military men who love their grandpa and dads, at least most of them.

Primarchs: Sons who love their dad and will do anything to get his love back.

The Emperor: Father who wanted to pay child support but instead got full custody of the kids and slowly learned to love them.

[youngcollectedtired]

Levi Ackerman x Best friend!Reader!with Toxic Parent!ModernaotAU

Warnings: toxic parent, parents divorced

Just got into an argument with my parent and I needed to vent so here you guys go 🙂‍↔️ Levi is the best best friend ever and I needed that last week.

Also very much so unedited LOL

Includes : levi, Hange, Erwin

AOT MODERN AU

Your parents had divorced when you were 17. Your sister was 13. Between graduating high school and helping your sister focus on her own studies you didn’t have time to mourn the loss. The loss was of your family, your mother.

 

In college is where you met your best friend, Levi. Erwin and Hange soon followed after.

 

It was two weeks in school. You were buried in quizzes, tests, and essays.

 

The library was full, and you were sitting at a table with four chairs. Your textbooks had taken over the table.

 

A few students had walked in and out of the library and you ignored them.

 

Until a hand slammed on your textbook.

 

You didn’t look up hoping it was a mistake.

 

Then the fingers began drilling as if impatient. Finally, a voice interrupted your thoughts, “um excuse me?”

 

You looked up to come face to face with a girl who resembled that of a typical high school bully.

 

I thought for sure we’d left that behind, you thought to yourself.

 

Choosing kindness you responded, “yes?” With a smile.

 

She began popping her gum, blowing a bubble before she continued, “My friends and I need this table.  There’s only one of you, so get up.”

 

You snorted, unable to take her seriously.

 

Her eyes narrowed, “Did I say something funny?”

 

You shook your head, “No sorry I just had something in my throat. I’m sitting here because the one person tables don’t have enough room for my textbooks.” You attempted to explain despite knowing you could have just said no and ignored her.

 

She stood up fully now, “Well maybe if you weren’t so dumb you wouldn’t need all this space to study.” She rolled her eyes.

 

You weren’t much of a bully and your own insults didn’t come easy. So, all you could do was stutter, “Uh…”

 

A new voice joined the convo. “Maybe if you weren’t a high school bully you abominable flamingo then we can all study in peace. Because you know, it is a study hall.” He spoke from behind you.

 

You turned your head just as the girls gasped. There stood a guy you could recognize from your other classes.

 

Levi something. The girl attempted to speak but shutting her up again he spoke, “You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take the day off?”

 

This time you couldn’t help but snorting. You caught it as your hand raised as if you were coughing. The girl glared at you but did walk away.

 

You turned to say thanks, but he was already walking away and towards a table where a blonde guy was sitting and a brown-haired girl. She was wearing glasses and waving dramatically at you.

 

Hesitantly you waved back. Despite the woman grinning and waving Levi didn’t look back.

 

You smiled at the memory. The next day, the girl tried to stop you in the hallway. But the girl who you learned was named Hange swooped in and dragged you away ignoring them.

 

She explained that if you were going to be such a target of bullying it would be smart to stick to them. You were exceptionally grateful. Most of your classes were with all three of them and if not at least one of them.

 

You were interested in becoming a professor and you soon learned they all were too. Erwin loved history. Hange science. Hilariously enough Levi and you both were interested in Literature.

 

Which is how you all ended up where you were now.

 

You and Hange were roommates. Levi lived alone and Erwin with his wife.

 

Petra Erwin’s wife had been out of town on a girl’s trip. So, you and Hange decided to have them over for an easy dinner.

 

Easy for Hange seeing as she loved to clean. You took on the cooking role often.

 

You’d already planned dinner and the beef was marinated ready for you to cook. You were currently picking up your sister as your dad was called into work for a Tech Reserve.

 

He’d be gone for the week.

 

You’d been listening to Ann your sister talk about her latest situation. She’d been laid off from her job with no warnings. It was a simple cleaning job she did 3 times a week. It was easy money and someone you all knew. She’d been working there for 3 years. And now at 19 she needed to start over. With a new resume and a new job. It hadn’t been a week since the message that your dad had pushed her to call every business down the street to see if they were hiring.

 

She currently wanted to work at a cafe, but he said no. Most of his reason based on paranoia alone. You attempted to give suggestions as to why he should let her work where she wanted but to no avail.

 

As you both arrived you parked the car in your driveway, “I’m going to call him, you can go ahead into the house. Hange is here,” you unlocked the car.

 

She turned to you uneasily, “if I can’t convince him, I don’t know that you can. And you know how he gets, why you moved out in the first place.”

 

You shook your head, “it doesn’t matter, I don’t live there anymore. He can't hurt me anymore. Besides, he must see reason.”

 

You both knew that wasn’t the case.

 

He was a great dad, he provided for all your needs and in days where you were short on money. He was there. Days you needed air in your tire, needed to borrow bug spray he was there.

But after the divorce, your father began comparing you to your cheating mother.

 

As a teenager you were still reeling from your own mother’s betrayal not just because she cheated… but also because she abandoned you and your sister. You wished so desperately for an escape. So, the first mention of needing a roommate from Hange you began working hard. Putting your affairs in order and saving money. When you turned 21 with your first teaching position you were out.

 

The first few months were blissful. No more comparing. No more sly comments, no more backhanded compliments. Or ordering around. Or doing things the way only HE wanted.

 

Apart of you felt sorry for leaving your own sister behind, but you had the tiniest inkling she’d be fine. Considering she was the favorite child. No matter how much she or he tried to deny it. It was all in the way he listened to her, or heard her out, didn't interrupt her, and even treated her like an adult. There were no backhanded compliments or talking about her in front of others.

 

Ann shrugged, before taking her bag and jumping out of the car. You watched her walk up to your front door before you opened your phone.

 

There were a few messages from the groupchat. Erwin saying he'd arrived. Hange letting you know she'd taken the meat out of the freezer. Levi texting you and the chat he was on the way with dessert and drink.

 

Knowing you were attempting to distract yourself from your task you opened the phone app. You took a deep breath, sliding to the contact that read 'Dadmight' and hit dial.

 

As he answered, you greeted one another as usual. The formalities were out of the way. Then he asked what was up.

 

Shakily you spoke, “Dad, I know you’re her parent and you have a right to give her suggestions. But don’t you think Ann should work where she wants to work? I mean at the end of the day, you may help her with her resume, and teach her how to do an interview but wherever she gets accepted she’ll have to do the job on her own. You won’t be able to help her or give suggestions. So she might as well,-“ he cut you off. You instantly could tell he was upset.

 

“No. Hush your mouth,” he began his own spill. You zoned out barely hearing his words. But recognizing a few.

 

Disrespectful. On your own. Relationship. Stay out of it. So many words ran together and just like when you were younger you keep your face blank. Your body moved out autopilot as you opened the car door. The anger in his voice was always the same. However cool night breeze instantly woke you. reminding you of your intentions.

 

“Hello? Did you hear me? I said-“ he began again repeating everything. You listened this time. As he accused you of trying to destroy his relationship with Ann. As he said your tone was disrespectful and how just because you moved out you didn’t get to talk to him that way.

 

“I’m not trying to attack you,” you cut in attempting to diffuse the situation.

 

“Be quiet! I’m not done, don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to you,” you attempted to not zone. Because of this a lump in your throat formed. As you fought to keep from blanking out every little word felt like an arrow hitting your body.

 

He was silent now.

 

“Okay dad, I’ll talk to you later. Bye,” you hung up the phone. Before you could start sobbing.

 

Apart of you angry at his disrespect but also angry at yourself. You didn’t live with him anymore. He couldn’t punish you or burst in your room and demand a conversation. You were on your own. In your own space that you built with Hange.

 

And he still affected you.

 

None of these thoughts helped you. Within in seconds, you started crying. Your tears kept coming without cause. You ripped your glasses off and through blurry eyes you swiped on your phone again and pressed on a new contact.

 

The phone rang and rang and rang. Until finally someone picked up.

 

You heard a familiar but weak voice. "Hello?"

 

"Mom?" You asked albeit a little confused. Your voice was clear but barely.

 

She sniffed clearing her throat, before answering you, "Yes? What's wrong?"

 

You cleared your throat enough to ask, "Are you crying? What's wrong?"

 

She began protesting, "No no I'm okay, what's up?"

 

You shook your head, "No you're crying!" You lost it again the tears spilling over, "we can't both be crying," the tears fell even harder. Your head aching at the sudden onslaught of tears.

 

Your mom sniffled again, "I'm sorry. Me and your aunt just got into it. What's wrong with you?" You could tell she wasn't in her right mind.

 

Still, you answered her question as she had yours, "Dad and I just got into it. But I'll just call you later, okay? Feel better," you mumbled as she agreed and said love you.

 

The conversation ended and you were not feeling any better. In fact, you were feeling worse. You took your glasses to your shirt, attempting to wipe the stain of tears off, before focusing on the cold tears on your face.

 

You didn’t notice a car had parked on your street. Or that Levi was walking towards you.

 

He didn’t seem to see your face, “I got that disgusting wine you like so much,” he raised the bottle as you attempted to wipe your tears. But they kept coming.

 

He stopped as he finally got a look at you.

 

“Are you crying?” He was close now, “Who were you talking to on that phone call?”

 

Phone call? Christ did he hear me? Panic hit you as you started laughing uneasily, “sorry the moon is just so pretty tonight,” you pointed up only to come face to face with clouds that were covering the moon. From the looks of it, the moon had been covered for awhile.

 

Levi’s expression turned deadpanned. As if he were saying, really? 

 

“Sorry,” you wiped the tears that had finally stopping coming, “dad and I just got into it. More like he laid into me,” you rolled your eyes.

 

You turned to your car, grabbing your own backpack from the back seat.

 

As you locked the door and began walking, he was in step with you. “You mean that heated voice was your dad?” His voice soured as if he couldn’t believe it.

 

You sighed, “Yeah. Well just now it was my mom. Before that it was my dad, I don’t think you’ve ever met him yet. He can be a bit of a jerk sometimes,” you turned to him now, “are my eyes red and can you tell I’ve been crying?” You asked hurriedly.

 

He paused. His eyes scanning your face. Before he could answer you assumed he was trying to find an easy way to say yes. Or a funny way knowing him.

 

“I knew it,” you turned your bag attempting to find a tissue, but he stopped you.

 

“No sorry, I was just admiring your beauty.” He spoke as if it were obvious.

 

You paused not expecting his direct words. Or the honesty. Before you could say anything else, he opened the door and walked in.

 

You could feel your cheeks warm but ignoring them you followed him shutting the door. You hung your backpack on the hooks where other purses and bags laid. You slipped your shoes off and your sweatshirt, leaving you in a pair of overalls and a frilly shirt. Sitting on the couch was your sister, Erwin and you assumed Hange was making drinks.

 

Your sister made a beeline for Levi pulling him an unwillingly hug. He humored her. And funny enough only her.

 

“Hey brat,” he pulled away from her.

 

You greeted Hange and Erwin and they smiled.

 

You grabbed the wine from his hand and headed straight for the kitchen. He followed behind you with your sister in tow.

 

She was sitting on the bar stools as you began washing your hands. You could tell she wanted to know how the phone call went.

 

Ann wouldn't be Ann if she didn't just say what was on her mind. And that she did.

 

"So, how'd it go?" She asked before popping a can of soda.

 

You'd already dried your hands and were rinsing out a glass of wine. Hange opened your 'disgusting wine' as Levi dubbed and was already pouring you a glass as you pulled out the beef you marinated just this morning.

 

You rolled your eyes, "How do you think it went?" You were annoyed, "then I tried to call mom and she was crying too! I told her we can't both be crying," you plugged in the rice cooker to prepare for the rice you were about to wash.

 

Ann snickered, "Not you both crying. What was up with her?"

 

You washed the rice in front of her at the sink now. "She said she got into it with her sister. I told her dad and I got into it and then I told her to get some rest. We hung up after that," you poured the rice out as your sister nodded.

 

Hange cut in with a glass of something, "I'm sorry did I just hear you say you got into it with your dad? I thought you left that behind," she leaned against the counter as you turned the stove on, throwing garlic with sesame oil in the pan.

 

You chuckled unamusedly, "Heh, yeah. See I did until he started being unreasonable towards Ann." You gestured now opening the pantry. You pulled the flour free so you could start on the Kimchi pancakes.

 

Erwin now joined all of you in the kitchen as Levi rolled his sleeves up preparing to clean up after you. You were too busy cooking and sipping to notice the small bit of trash you left behind. To Levi this was okay because it gave him something to do with his hands while you cooked for them.

 

Erwin set his beer on the bar pulling himself into the seat next to Anna, "How is he being unreasonable this time?" He asked curiously.

 

It had slipped your mind the last time your father truly got on your nerves you called Erwin. He brought you lunch at the day care you were interning at and listened to your agitated words. You were 19 at the time and your father had taken your car and your phone... all to make a point. You knew this to be the case because a few days later he'd given both items back. Erwin convinced you right then in there to NOT move out at 19 with only your recent check to your name. However, he offered his place as a refuge in case you ever needed it.

 

Thankfully, you had been able to hold out for a few more years.

 

Levi was surprised to hear Erwin's choice of words too. You'd chosen to keep Levi out of this part of your life, due to the fear that he and your father would become enemies. Of course, Levi never knew this.

 

As you remembered this, you came back from your thoughts to Ann explaining the situation. The others listened as she expressed her opinion on the situation. You poured the broccoli into a pan on the back of the stove, readying the sauce so it would steam just right.

 

"Do you want to tell us how the convo went?" Ann asked apart of curious but also cautious... between the two of you she was less likely to talk family business. You however had no qualms in this regard.

 

You mixed the Kimchi into the flour before setting the bowl in front of Ann. She pouted but got to work, as you leaned back and sipped.

 

"Yeah, so you know when I get excited sometimes I yell," you explained first.

 

Hange snickered, "Yell is an understatement. She was telling me about her latest enemies to lovers’ book in the car and I thought I lost my hearing."

 

You blushed deeply, your facial expression showing embarrassment, "Thank you Hange for proving the point that everyone else knows, I'm sure. Moving on," you stirred the broccoli before leaning against a counter again.

 

"So, I'm not sure if I was yelling or if it was my tone."

 

Ann cut in, "your tone can sometimes come across crazy."

 

You ignored her and kept talking, "I basically told him that even though he's Ann's parent he can help her or give her suggestions, but at the end of the day she's going to be the one doing the work. We all know whether you admit it or not you or a lazy person," you paused looking to Ann who was now flipping the first kimchi pancake.

 

"I am."

 

You bit a chuckle, "So I told him wouldn’t it make more sense if you let her work where she wants to work... so then she'll actually want to work and then later she can move up." You took a deep breath pausing for a moment to put the beef on the hot stove.

 

Hange was impatient. "So, what'd he say this time?"

 

You rolled your eyes, "First while I was talking, he told me to shut up and hush up and of course I laughed. Then he went into this spill about how I disrespect him and how I shouldn't talk to him in that tone. He said that just because I've moved out doesn't mean I can ruin his and Ann's relationship and that I needed to stay out of it," you were frustrated now.

 

The cup you were holding had been set down now and you were gripping the counter in anger, "Ugh I mean what makes him think I'm going to want to respect him if he treats me like that. I feel like every time we argue he treats me like dirt. Whether or not that's his intention that's how I feel," you turned to Hange now, "and this whole thing just made me truly realize why I dislike conversation about conflict or telling you how I feel. Any time I talked to him or try to tell him my point of view it turns into him thinking I'm attacking him or trying to take away his 'deserved' respect as a father. And then I shut down as you know Ann and so after the whole conversation and he finally went quiet I was just like, 'okay dad, I'll see you later,' and I just hung up. Then I was crying... not because of what he said or anything but because I was frustrated with myself for allowing him to still get to me." You couldn't look anyone in the eye as your felt your own frustration dissipate.

 

Hange was the first to speak up, "I'm sorry. I understand where you're coming from. Maybe with time he'll see our point of view. I feel like every time you mention him I want to like punch him in the face. Your dad is an interesting person, that's for sure."

 

You covered your mouth in shock before laughing at her statement. You then flipped the beef over in the pan as your laughed turned into a snicker.

 

Levi spoke up next surprising you, "What do you mean you 'shut down?'" His face didn't give away what he was thinking. Apart of you felt grateful worried he would think you were overreacting.

 

You were unsure if you wanted Levi to know this other side of you. The side your father only brought out. Interrupting your thought Ann however replied.

 

"She does this thing where her face goes blank. I feel like it's to protect herself from what he's saying. It's almost like she's disassociating, which is not good by the way. You need a therapist," your sister pointed out as she always did.

 

You couldn't help but snort, "So do you. But at the end of the day dad has taught me something," you leaned against the counter now allowing the chicken to cook on the stove.

 

"What's that?" Erwin curiously asked.

 

You grinned, "Not to marry anyone like him. Ann already knows if my future boyfriend acts anything like our dad, to hit me over the head."

 

Hange snickered, "Has she had to hit you over the head yet?"

 

Somehow knowing you wouldn't answer truthfully Ann chuckled, "I've hit her over the head for a few guys with red flags but none thankfully as bad as Dad."

 

Levi folded his arms, "Who have you dated?"

 

You kept silent, but Ann however did not care for your embarrassment.

 

She began cackling. "Oh you never told them did you?" You covered your face, "It was Chad! Remember him, right?" Ann smirked turning to the others.

 

Erwin began shaking his head, "I had to step in for Chad. That was truly one of your darkest moments (name). Gotta say I was a tiny bit disappointed."

 

You rolled your eyes, "Okay Erwin we get it. I have horrible taste in men."

 

Hange shook her head, "Not just horrible. Chad was like downright disgusting y/n! What did he do? Bat his eyelashes?"

 

You cringed. "What?? Nooo!" You didn't appear to be convincing.

 

Levi sighed. "Chad as in the college dropout Chad? The Chad who got kicked out of school our senior year?" Even he had the ability to look disappointed.

 

You turned away from everyone, "It's not my fault, I took his flirting seriously! I've never been flirt with," you gestured to yourself as if that would help your situation by any means.

 

Hange closed her eyes and softly shook her head. "Okay y/n you're right. We're sorry, although please tell me Chad was the only one," she turned to Ann who didn't appear to be in your favor.

 

Interrupting the stories that were soon to follow you spoke up, "Alright who's hungry?"

 

You were thankful for the short distraction. However, you were not expecting to catch the eyes of Levi. A curious look in his eyes.

Levi didn’t have parents. His mother died when he was young and he never met his father.

 

After that his uncle raised him until he was old enough to do something with his life. His Uncle Kenny was never much of a father.

 

Apart of him wondered what his life would have been like if he had his mother to raise him. Or if Kenny had stuck around to actually raise him properly.

 

Alas he would never know and now that he’s older he wonders if his thoughts and feelings on his parents would have changed.. if they were still alive. He was sure you still loved your parents because he knew just as well as anyone else a simple argument would never change that. However, a part of him began wondering if parent relationships were as black and white as he thought.

 

And how many times have you had to deal with your father in this way. How many times had he not been here to hear what was bothering you and understand what made you cry and why.

 

You approached Levi noticing him now deep in thought. The others had plates and were entertaining one another with a movie. You could hear the familiar Kung Fu Panda 2 intro.

 

"Hey, here's your plate," you whispered setting in front of him.

 

He looked up shock briefly taking over him, "Oh thanks."

 

You nodded watching him for a moment. It appeared he had something to say, so you gave him a moment. Your plate was sitting in front of you, and you took a sip of the 'disgusting' (deliciously sweet) wine.

 

Levi picked up his fork pausing for a second, "So how often do you and your father get in arguments?"

 

You stared at him attempting to gauge his thoughts. Like always he gave nothing away.

 

You shook your head hoping to be as convincing as you could and answered, "Not often."

 

He set his fork down, his eyes staring holes into your own, "Please do not lie to me."

 

You sighed turning away from him as your felt your throat weaken. Of course you had to be emotional.

 

Taking a few seconds, you turned back to him. "These days? Maybe once a month. Being out of the house has made it easier on our relationship. He still has opinions on things which is what we end up arguing over most of time," you rolled your eyes, moving the food on your plate around.

 

Levi nodded slowly, "How long has it been going on?"

 

You closed your eyes at his question... it had been nearly 4 years ago and still you remember every detail as if it was yesterday... maybe I really do need a therapist. Ann would gloat at you agreeing with her words.

 

You opened your eyes to see Levi looking at you with nothing but patience, so you spoke.

 

"Well, I was 17 and anna was 13 when mom left us. She cheated on my dad, they got a divorce and she and left anna and I for a year. She went zero contact, and we had no idea if she was dead or alive, what she was doing, and where she was. During that time, our dad was dealing with the divorce in a not so healthy way. He took it out on us, not super bad but sometimes he would compare me to mom. He said I would turn out just like her and he spent many nights talking to Ann and I about the way mom treated him and about how she had abandoned us. Ann hated mom for a long time because of this. Of course, we did our best to help him... and then he took up drinking. He was never physical, just very cruel with his words. One day... I got tired of him treating us like his therapists and from then on Ann became his favorite child."

 

Your story like past came to an end and you took the first bite of your meal as Levi took in your story. You could see his hands tense and his jaw locked.

 

He bit the inside of his cheek as he looked up now staring you in your eyes, "Y/n what was Erwin talking about? When he said he had to step in."

 

Your eyes flashed in embarrassment, "Oh yeah that. Dad got upset because Ann took up for me over something stupid and he laid into her. I mean he was telling her to shut up and I snapped. I told him he couldn't talk to her like that, how he had the issue with me and not to take it out on her. I was 19 and he took my car away and he shut down my phone," you chuckled at the memory, "and that punishment didn't last but 3 days because I was working full time and he didn't want to have to drive me to work every day. I remember being so pissed off because after all of that... he pouted like a child for days, ignoring me until I apologized." You shook your head, your anger surfacing for a second.

 

"Sometimes he makes me so angry," You whispered as if ashamed, "and there were some days where I hated him so much. I couldn't even look at him and say 'I love you' back.... because I wasn't sure if I did."

 

You felt a hand rest on yours, but you couldn't bear to look at him because the nights previous tears were begging to be shed.

 

For the first time ever, you heard Levi apologize. Not because of something he did... but instead on behalf of your father. You shook your head, "Levi please... Don't apologize for something you haven't done. I'd ask him to apologize but he's too arrogant to think he's at fault. It's just something I'll have to live with," you turned your hand, both of your palms facing one another.

 

He gripped your hand tight. "Well, you won't have to alone, that's for sure." He squeezed your hand in his, the pressure assuring you of his words, "And for the record, I'm more apologizing for the fact I wasn't there." He lifted your hand to his chest as if holding it there would help him more.

 

You rolled your eyes attempting to fight off a smile, "It's not your fault again, I purposefully kept you out of the loop, so the first time you met him would be a neutral conversation for you."

 

"Too late for that." His lips barely lifted into a smirk, "Let's just hope your old man respects you otherwise we'll have a problem."

 

You sighed, shaking your head, "Of course we will."

 

You stood from the bar stool, prepared to put your plate away, but as always Levi took over. Without a word his eyes telling you to stay exactly where you were.

 

Afterall... cleaning was his domain, and you did really like to watch him clean.

 

 

Extra;

*kung fu panda 2 playing in the background*

*Hange, Erwin, and Ann were sitting on the couch halfway paying attention to it*

Hange: Ten bucks they're dating in the morning.

Erwin: Make it 15 and it's a deal.

Ann: Make it 50 and you're both on.

**

Levi: I do really like you but also if we confirm the dating rumors your sister gets some extra cash... which works for us both...

Y/N: Sooo are you doing this for the cash? Or because you like me?

Levi: Like is actually the biggest understatement... I love you.

Y/N: shut uppp

[sporesgalaxy]

Pierre fun facts that may or may not ever come up

•••

Both paternal & maternal grandfathers were navy shipwrights, long since retired

born & raised on an island VERY popular for Marines to retire to

It's the One Piece equivalent of suburbs. I made up One Piece suburbs. Unthinkable financial security compared to many places in the world, but still several social wrungs beneath, say, low nobility.

Pierre studied general biology but has a special love for Cladistics and Vector Borne Diseases

Pierre was accepted as an unpaid intern for Dr. Vegapunk. Pierre didn't want the job but, too cowardly to admit to anyone they wanted nothing to do with the World Government & therefore without an excuse to decline, Pierre accepted it anyways.

Pierre is secretly relieved that didn't work out.

Pierre still ate the Bug Bug Fruit by accident & complete dumb luck as a teenager or younger adult, and then hid the powers in hopes of living a "normal" life.

Pierre lies and tells the marines he accidentally ate the Bug Bug fruit after ending up on the Grand Line

Pierre has no fighting experience and no will to fight, but is really great at running away and hiding thanks to the centipede powers 👍

Aside from being huge & venomous, having an exoskeleton, and having hooks on every limb, centipede-mode Pierre can also squeeze through comically small openings and squeeze into comically small spaces to hide

Pierre has terrible vision as a human and even worse vision as a centipede

During Pierre's time with the Marines:

Pierre FAILED to learn any Haki 🎉

Pierre FAILED to get much better at combat 🎉

Pierre stayed combat stupid on purpose (sort of) because he does not like the government 🎉

Pierre did use his zoan powers to try to be a better amateur field doctor, though

Pierre discovered a talent for transforming isolated body parts with zoan powers at will

Pierre volunteered to be a guinea pig for various zoan studies so the Marines would be less mad at him for being a useless devil fruit user

Pierre is feeling normal after that

Pierre was on one of those Navy ships headed for Buggy that Crocodile blew up. Pierre almost died 👍 also he didn't want to be there to begin with but they made him go because someone heard Pierre wanted to kill Buggy himself

[cellarspider]

28/30 Katamari Damacy

(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)

⛬

We return to NA NAAA NANANA NA NANA NA KATAMARI DAMACYYYY

[Video description: It's the We Love Katamari soundtrack, specifically Katamari On The Swing.]

You wanna see the dumbest thing you’ve seen all movie? Of course you do. I’ll try to figure out a way it could have worked. Content warning for character death, and a monster attack that I’m mostly not showing because I’m squeamish and y’all are going to have to deal with that. Yes, I, a person who used Pink Flamingos as a cinematic comparison earlier in this series, am squeamish about a scene in Prometheus. Sometimes stuff just hits you different for no discernible reason. 

Vickers and her lifeboat quarters ejected separately from the Prometheus, so she's wandering around on the surface not that far from Shaw. Both of them are therefore in The Danger Zone when the Engineer ship crashes, intact and rolling along its circumference. Spare a thought for how seasick the Engineer is probably feeling right now, and for David's still-conscious head, rattling around like a coin in a washing machine.

But we only see Shaw and Vickers, as they realize what's coming, and start up run away. …Down the path of the gigantic ship.

I want to emphasize, both of them do this. Do panicked people make dumb decisions? Yes. Are movie audiences predisposed to being charitable about that? No they are not, the audience expects rationality. The audience needs to be brought down to the perspective of the characters, so that irrational decisions make emotional sense. 

You need to make people feel the disorientation of encountering something so much larger than you that your sense of space is completely thrown off. It can be done. There's an animal fear in there, where self preservation kicks in and can steer you right or wrong. Something’s too large, or moving too fast to grapple with, or both. Jacob Geller has an excellent video essay covering this topic in video games, for instance.

For movies that do that? The one that comes to mind first is Edge of Tomorrow (2014). The beach landing scene in particular gets you into the perspective of a guy who is not supposed to be there and is completely disoriented, while remaining visually readable. It sticks close to him and his panic. The danger around him is all-encompassing, and he cannot keep track of it all. This overwhelming speed returns at points throughout the movie, leading to points in the theater where I physically leaned away from the screen, like I was in the original audience for The Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat. (1895)

And somehow this manages to be tense despite the fact that the man we’re following is Tom Cruise.

[Video description: A clip of the aforementioned scene. I highly recommend Edge of Tomorrow to anyone for whom Tom Cruise isn’t a dealbreaker. In fact, you get to watch Tom Cruise die! In this very clip! It’s a tense, engaging science fiction action movie, with good bits of humor, Bill Paxton as the most unhinged Master Sergeant you’ve ever seen, and Emily Blunt plays a goddamn space marine, power armor and all. As that description may imply, I especially recommend the movie to any 40k enjoyers–it hits a similar tone. You may also find the movie listed under the title Live Die Repeat.]

But no. In Prometheus, we the audience are shown the whole thing. The entire context. And what we see is a couple of morons that seem to believe they can outrun a wheel the size of a small town.

Neither of them actually think to run left or right. Shaw just trips, and then rolls to the side. The average human does not roll that fast, so it really drives home how unbelievably bad they are at this. Vickers also trips, and gets squished.

[A clip from The Naked Gun (1988), in which a stand-off between police Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) and Vincent Ludwig (Khan Noonien Singh himself, Ricardo Montalbán) ends with Ludwig falling off the side of a stadium before being run over by a bus, a steam roller, and the USC marching band.]

This scene, obviously, does not work. I am, however, stubborn enough to try and workshop how it could have worked.

Vickers needs to be broken beneath the wheel, and to do so in a way that the audience won’t jeer at. We’ve already discussed the issues of having too wide a view of the action, so let’s table that. How could you keep that perspective, while flattening Vickers?

You do have options. Maybe have Vickers do the smart thing and run off at an angle toward the sun, so she wouldn’t get any looming shadow to tell her when the ship begins falling over until it’s too late. Have her injured in the crash and unable to process what’s going on. Have her escape pod door fail to open, trapping her in the path of the ship. She was part of the corporate machinery, having petty power over others but ultimately trapped by circumstance. Make that all literal. 

And for fuck’s sake, don’t have the entire ship fall over on Shaw a few seconds later, letting her come out okay because she was huddled near the world’s strongest rock.

When the narrative blatantly plays favorites, my instinctive reaction is to resent the recipient of the movie’s favor. It feels like they're cheating.

Y'know what would’ve helped here, weirdly? Shaw thanking God for this. It would’ve theoretically been in character! The whole movie runs on christian logic anyway, so why not leave people wondering if there’s a supernatural power at work in the unbelievably fucked up universe of Alien. You’d swing back around to making people wonder what kind of loving god would allow chestbursters to happen.

But no. There is no god. Only the rock. You’re welcome.

Shaw has a hole in her suit or somesuch, and thus is propelled onward toward the lifeboat, which we know contains her newly-birthed squiddo, trapped in the med-pod room.

It’s not dead. Of course it isn’t. But what makes no goddamn sense is that it’s gotten massive. Yes, I know, Alien didn’t give an explanation for the embiggening of the chestburster either, but I am willing to give Alien the benefit of the doubt, and Prometheus just showed me a woman get killed by a donut.

David, possibly cognizant that Shaw is his only chance to not have to drag himself around by the lips, calls her to warn that the Engineer’s on their way to finish her off.

I waffle on whether this is dumb behavior from the Engineer. I know the movie’s reason for doing this is just to have one last action beat, and an unsatisfying payoff at the end of the film. 

The Engineer spared Shaw before. Maybe that was a tiny amount of sympathy for how she was getting kicked around. She’d die alone on this alien moon, sure, but it wouldn’t be their doing. But the humans got their act together enough to crash the ship. Maybe sparing her was a mistake. Even one of them might be too dangerous to let live, especially when we find out soon that there’s more ships quite close by.

There was a cut bit here–I’d previously avoided showing these, but why not. The Engineer stopped and looked at the books strewn on the floor. Watched a little of Vickers’ weird screensaver wall, as it played one of the videos included in the transmission David had sent toward the moon during the journey, while everyone slept.

Ironically, most of the human material culture the Engineer gets to see is due to Vicker's disinterest in the mission, which completely failed to consider the fact that it's polite to bring gifts when you visit somebody. Her material comforts becoming the single point of cultural contact. A strange little coincidence, and a little more silent characterization for the Engineer, until David’s voice over Shaw’s radio sets everyone to murderin’.

But because this movie is allergic to characterization, so we can’t have that. Instead, we are only using their reappearance to hit another horror movie cliché: the bad thing that's gotten back up again. Here, have a clip from Scream (1996), which deliberately did a send-up of the trope.

Originally there was going to be a whole fight scene here, which they took out because they felt it lessened the Engineer. But as it is, they’re still reduced to a big ol’ monster with a scary face that lumbers in and tries to kill the heroine.

Want to know what’s weird? Both Alien and Aliens solve their final alien problem by opening a door. This is literally the same thing. This is their one weird trick.

And frankly, I can’t look at it, because what happens squicks me out. So good job I guess, the non-consentacles got me squirming in my seat. When I’ve subjected other people to this movie, I’ve shamelessly muted and walked away for a minute. Maybe at some point I’ll figure out what limit it’s hitting there for me and Litany Against Fear it to pieces, but not right now! Facehuggers are a manageable sort of unsettling, but I do not like the bodyhugger.

The screenshot hunt for this was not fun, lemme tell you.

So, yes, the last of the Engineers on this planet laid low by their own creation(s), they’re mortal after all, ironic circle of rebirth, yadda yadda, moving on.

You know what, I’m actually with Shaw right now. Lying face-down and having a cry is a very understandable, human reaction to all this. Good job, movie, you got me vibing with her for about thirty seconds.

Want to see how they screw it up?

⛬

(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)

⛬

Citations for alt-text rambles:

https://youtu.be/y-pE9j98jP0 da baaa, da ba da ba da ba da doodoodoo dabada daba da–

https://www.deviantart.com/pretty--kittie/art/Prometheus-Engineer-407316141 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ6JK1mPT-A&list=PLZbXA4lyCtqpMbPbUtqdnpx72tgxjSjo8&t=82 

https://www.deviantart.com/pretty--kittie/art/Prometheus-Engineer-407316059 

https://avp.fandom.com/wiki/MU/TH/UR_6000 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dicranurus

[imaginespazzi]

Chapter 13

I am so late with this but I have had an annoying busy day and writing reviews of your chapters is honestly so relaxing for me so I'm comin' in hot and late. Also I was re-reading and only remembered to start my review after the first flashback, so thats where this starts 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

June 2033 - crying in the club (locker room)

MY CLEMMY

ohhhh that would make Ps blood absolutely boil seeing her girls interact with Frenchie

THREE FUCKING WEEKS? Paige what the fuck are you doing. Get it together. I have no sympathy for you

“Aunty Chérie,” Stephie’s squeals echo clearly in Paige’s ears, despite the noise of the crowd surround her, “you played so good today.” -> Oh wow this is tantamount to stabbing Paige in the eye with a stale baguette 🥖🥖🥖

Instead she shoots the assistant an apologetic look, -> Ok when I first read this I was filled with dread that you were going to bring this assistant into their weird dynamic as a sex pawn to make Azzi jealous as payback for going to dinner with Clem. Glad your mind isn't as deranged as mine.

This is a cage of Paige’s own making and the key to open the lock rests in her own hands. -> Ya it does you dumb bitch!

“I forgot this so I uh- I came back to grab it.” -> lame 🤣

“she’s a decent player. But you’d never be in her shadow. Never be known as just her anything.” -> oh I kneeeeeeew that was part of the proposal rejection

“Nine years ago you said no-” -> queue meme of old lady from titanic being like "its been 84 years…."

“god Azzi- I’m trying so fucking hard baby but how do I know you won’t say no me -to us- again?” -> ohhh the use of 'baby' always CUTS TO THE CORE

"It’s Azzi’s turn to look guilty and Paige can almost see the memories of that night flashing in her mind" -> omg that flashback is going to be so painful to read

“don’t go to dinner with Clémence.” ….. “Don’t hold on to the deal with the Liberty,” -> Touche Fudd (French)

August 2032 - LETS PUT ANOTHER SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE (lets have another fight on a balcony)

Cam is always a minor side characters in future fics. She's everyone's second favourite blonde white gyal. Makes sense though I firmly believe she had to witness some teenage Pazzi angst/grope atrocities when they were on team USA. Poor girl.

“What?” Paige asks distractedly, her eyes narrowing when she notices a familiar French player inching towards the door for a hug of her own. -> tee hee

Marine and Clemmy in the same room? The time space continuum has collapsed.

The summer Olympics must be confusing in Australia because its winter for them. Do you think they resent Northern Hemisphere people for assuming the world runs on their seasonal calendar? I do.

"hoping she was being at least somewhat conspicuous- as Azzi had spun the little girl around." -> OK I'm not saying this is a plot hole (maybe I am) but this is like 6 months before they meet again at the Valks office there is no way Stephie and Paige wouldn't have already completely fallen in love at these Olympics.

"we’ll get customized 5+35 Bueckers-Fudd jerseys for the Olympics" -> and when Paige gets a tiny one of these made with a Valks jersey when they are telling their family Azzi is pregnant? Then what! I cry?

“I can’t bel-ieve you went to another party without me Mama,” -> Wow they really owe Stephie a party at this point. Best to get married asap.

“Oh fuck you Paige,” Azzi snarls -> Mommy I'm scared

Aaliyah has had ENOUGH of her shit. Us Canadians are very sensible.

“Sorry but like,” Jana looks back and forth between Paige and Azzi, dropping her voice, “y’all fucked?” -> I actually find it so cute how Jana really does use the word ya'll. She will fit right in visiting Paige in Texas

“so- so what does that mean for the two of you? Are you- are y’all gonna get back together?” -> Oh Jana you sweet Naive Egyptian baby

“but maybe it could’ve meant something. If you’d stayed.” -> This is painful these two are so damn stupid

June 2033 - 911 Fudd fix my life

This is how I know things are about to resolve, a Fudd parent intervention and a mention of mint chocolate chip ice cream

Colleen has really been MIA. She got the hell out of dodge when she sensed things getting messy.

A premade dirty Shirley sounds truly heinous

“I’ll have you know this is a Macallan.” “You know that that means nothing to me right,” -> I actually feel Paige would force herself to get into brown liquor because she is a middle aged black man in her soul and would want to reflect that to the world with her alcohol choices

“It was a couple months into our relationship and Katie and I had a huge fight. It was about her not letting me make a decision about Azzi,” -> its wild to think that at a certain point Azzi's name was Azzi Jaslyn Smrcka-Duffy. A Hyphen is a horrible thing to do to a child.

Nivi this is a sad story within a sad story what are you doing to us

“Katie and Azzi, they’re mine but I think- I think if maybe someone else had gotten to them first -someone who loved them just as much as I do- maybe there’s a chance things would be different but Paige,” -> cut to Clem waiting in the wings holding a croissant with a crazy look in her eyes.

You just have to say you’ll stay. -> Dear god woman GO TO THEM As always this was spectacular give me 14 (3? 😢) more of 'em. 🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻

I think mayhaps tumblr is being annoying with replying to longer asks cause 🤱🏻babes I can't seem to directly reply to your ask, but this was my reply lol.

Omg only a half a review? I'm disappointed. (jk jk I understand)

Clémence might be Paige's achilles heel and Stephie definitely uses it to her advantage

LMFAO babe you're sadistic cause lowkey that could've been hella entertaining but it would've definitely set them back another thousand years if Paige flirted with the assistant

Writing that flashback is gonna stress me out so bad

Death, taxes and a Cameron Brink cameo because she's just cutesie and I love her and blame Sella lol

#FreeAustralia from the seasonal norms lmao

Okay so I lowkey did think about that and it did feel a little bit like a plothole but I didn't want Stephie and Paige to have already been so attached and so my logic is that children at that age change so quickly and that 6 months is a lot of time for growth. And also I think the Olympics are so fast paced once you get there, that Stephie doesn't actually spend a lot of time with Azzi and therefore Paige which is also why Azzi is a tad bit guilty about not being with her.

I love Jana in this fic but #freeher from dealing with this gays

Where would Pazzi be without the Fudds fr fr

I think Paige puts up a show that she drinks brown liquor at parties but she's just a baby at heart who needs her sweet fruity drinks

My heart did hurt a little bit for baby Azzi while writing Tim narrating that story I can't lie

[moodymisty]

I feel this whole „ovulating askbox for the primarchs” (well, I fit in this category bc I love this trope - I mean being cared even more like a porcelain ngh!) comes from pure curiosity and being on the science team, wanting to imagine all this wrong shit being inside your body. And as in Corvus fanfic you made earlier...the consequences of such thing would be unshakable, making food for so, so many questions about half-primarch (and to an extention primarch) biology. This must be tiring, but like...um...what if it’s deadly, what if the consort fell incredibly ill and then they find out why (revelation lol)? This makes so much for a conflict! If so, is there possible to make whole population of biological superhumans without space marine hormonal coctail and indoctrination...I’d still headcannon that potential half-primarch would be sterile, but what if, right? Or conflict for the throne and Imperium of Man holy molly! (Or like, getting forbidden from getting that bed to rumble)But as it is said, pregnancy is still used as a form of shock, a new development in life that completly rearanges your perceptron towards society and society perception towards the pregnant women. Often the role of such is just sidelined into the „mother” role...but coming back to the tiring with a askbox. Are you still doing star wars fanfiction? Or is this blog fully focused on WH40K (I don’t mind either way, I like both). Anyway keep being awesome and let your litterature cooking skills still shine no matter the age.

The fear of the unknown of it would be a big thing, I mean unless another primarch beat Corvus to the punch you'll be the first one having a half primarch child. I tend to imagine that (I mean pregnancy is already dangerous lets be real but) any half primarch child is going to be super fucking taxing on the body probably to the point of near killing you. More than likely it's a race against time to see how long you can manage to carry the child until they have to take it out for your own safety.

I imagine some of them would be interested in the power of a half primarch as well. Are they going to be less powerful because of half baseline human blood? Or is it going to be a nephilim situation where they have the full power of a primarch but the uncontrollable emotion of a baseline human?

But I'm glad you like my stuff friend <3 I'm taking a break from Star Wars after some heavy burnout and tbh the series wasn't that interesting for me at the moment. Since Andor my interest has kind of been waning, and constantly having to deal with dumb discourse ending up on my dashboard no matter who I unfollowed didn't help. I might go back to SW at some point, but for now it's mostly WH and Darksiders.

[cameoamalthea]

Dumb Post about Senator Mark Kelly

Usually I make Dumb Posts about animals, BUT Election 2024 is important and Harris is going to pick her VP soon so I want you to know about Mark Kelly.

The coolest, most meme-worthy politician ever, through shear awesomeness

Mark Kelly is the result of a cloning project to create the coolest VP candidate ever

Ok - that's not true, he's just an identical twin whose brother is also an astronaut (and yes, he's an astronaut, but that's not all)

SCIENTIST, PILOT, WAR HERO

He received a Bachelor of Science in marine engineering and nautical science from the United States Merchant Marine Academy, graduating with highest honors in 1986. In 1994, he received a Master of Science in aeronautical engineering from the U.S. Naval Postgraduate School.

As a Navy Aviator he flew 39 combat missions in Operation Desert Storm.

Kelly has received two Defense Superior Service Medals; one Legion of Merit; two Distinguished Flying Crosses; four Air Medals (two individual/two strike flight) with Combat "V"; two Navy Commendation Medals, (one with combat "V"); one Navy Achievement Medal; two Southwest Asia Service Medals; one Navy Expeditionary Medal; two Sea Service Deployment Ribbons; a NASA Distinguished Service Medal; and an Overseas Service Ribbon.

Distinguished Flying Crosses are a BIG DEAL. You pretty much only get those for doing something's that’s worth making into a movie scene and he has TWO!

ASTRONAUT

Mark Kelly has logged over 54 days in space.

His Twin brother spent a YEAR IN SPACE (that's his brother on the cover - probably - but you get the idea that he also looked cool as an astronaut - and if you're wondering why he wasn't in space for a year, I'll get to that but the cool thing is cause he was retired while his brother was in space for a year he was the control in a twin study on the effects of being in space for a year)

That's probably also his brother, it's hard to google pictures when you have two identical twin brothers in space.

That's also Mark's twin brother Scott, because Mark smuggled a whole ass Gorilla Costume onto the International Space Station so his brother could go on a Gorilla rampage as a prank.

OK here he is

That's Mark Kelly!

My point is he's an astronaut, he's been to space, and the reason he left all that behind will bring you to tears and make you love him.

He's Mr. Gabby Giffords

Gabby Giffords served as a Congresswoman from Tucson, Arizona. When Giffords was sworn in on January 3, 2007, she was the third woman in Arizona's history to be elected to serve in the U.S. Congress and was a Democrat elected in a very Republican district.

When I met her she was very Mom Shaped. She took care of the community and cared about her constituents. To the point that she would fly to Arizona from Washington DC to do events where she would just be out on a street corner where you could go talk to her.

On January 8, 2011, at a “Congress On Your Corner” constituent event in Tucson, Gabby was shot in the head by a gunman who killed six people and injured 12 others. 

At the time Mark Kelly was Cammander of the STS-134 he penultimate mission of NASA's Space Shuttle program and the 25th and last spaceflight of Space Shuttle Endeavour.

He stayed by his Wife's side for a month, when it was clear she was making progress in her recovery he announced on February 4, 2011, that he would remain commander of the mission. This would be his final mission.

He sent a love song to his wife from the International Space Station in the form of dedicating a song:

On June 21, 2011, Kelly announced that he would leave NASA's astronaut corps and the U.S. Navy effective October 1, to be with his wife and support her through her recovery:

Kelly became an outspoken advocate for gun control following the attempted assassination of his wife.

Still he dreamed of returning to space and worked out to keep his body mission ready.

"Kelly eventually compares everything to his time with NASA. As commander, he managed a small team of astronauts and worked within a sprawling bureaucracy. Every day pointed toward the same goal. There were checkpoints and to-do lists. The mission offered a clear dividing line between success and failure.

“It’s a very well-defined criteria of success,” Kelly said"

In 2020 he began a new mission serving as Senator for Arizona. A Moderate, he won twice in a swing state and would like draw some Republican voters who don't love Donald Trump over to the Harris ticket, should she choose him as VP.

[moggggggggggg]

some thoughts about obx4 p2 that no one asked for

look the thing about me is I love a mid-written teen dramas bc let’s be honest they’re made for better writers and by that I mean fic writers. we love mid source material we can fix and do better job at. a privilege to do so.

(A lot of it is jj related I’m sorry)

in no particular order:

-chandler groff’s actor actually does a fantastic job of subtly intergrating the physical mannerisms and speech patterns of jj. massive kudos to him honestly. big job.

-loved that we got to see jj fight and actually win and really tear shit up. really loose-canon it properly. they been talking about it for so long it’s great to actually see him in action.

-pregnancy is so dumb but hey that’s the beauty of soapy teen dramas baby. TROPES !! not that I agree but also i can see their thought process… one life out, one in. his spirit will live on in their (likely) baby boy they call jj bc they love a father and son theme

-was really hoping jj would have more to say about Luke and the abuse and all of That with Groff but again, whatever, that’s what better (fic) writers are for right ?

-guttered GUTTERED jj wasn’t buried at home. that hurt.

-kie revenge arc next season give it to us girl go feral embrace his energy

-Madeline Cline is a fucking superstar. beautiful performance. stunning.

-wish we had more time alone with jj and kiara with the same emotional weight Sarah and John B get. I want to know what they talk about when they’re aloneeee

-not a single drowned phone was put in rice. (I think about phone logistics the whole time every time)

-pope/cleo have my whole heart. their arc was sweet but i hope next season we have time and space to look at cleo more.

-really happy kie is on speaking terms with her family. would have loved like 1 short scene or line about them before we see them again at the town council

-loving john b in his purples this season yes girl

-i love Madison Bailey like girl is queen of ??!!??? and I love her for it. hope she gets some better written jobs. queen of LEGS.

-rudy actually did a wonderful job with what he was given (forced upon) too. what an incredible physical actor. boy was RUNNNING. I was tired of watching him run around for 2 days straight and I wished he’d kept going. hope he gets some more comedies or actions bc he could make a great Character Actor if he wanted to be. future iconic villain. mark my words. if he plays his cards right he could do a Dylan Obrien. poor guy is clearly an anxious dude tho. feel that. feeeel that.

-bummed that Luke just like disappeared ?? definitely could have tied off that loose end a bit better tbh. would have been fun to see Groff and Luke and jj have a moment together… would have love to see jj navigate that tense scene. NASTY LYING MEN !! luv

-also jj got beat to shit and not a single bruise or blood ? Boooooo. they’ve stopped giving him that shit after season 1. NOT TO MENTION his stomach wound. buddy had to tape his own self up and everyone was just chill. booo.

-love an alcoholic jj/luke parallel

-there was no way jj could come back after everything and there’s no way he would accept prison or anything else so yeah they kinda did have to kill him. am i happy about it? obviously not. was it earned… eh. they tried. wish the all pogues had to watch bc I’m a sucker for punishment.

-jj seeing his MOTHER LIKE THAT ouch. haunting.

-pope and the marines is kinda funny like imagine hahaha

-jd really brings a grounding energy (even as pope) and I’m a big fan of the vibe

-still holding out hope for queer kiara one day my girl will be free

still so many more thoughts but let’s play it chill and save it for another post

xoxo

[fangs-claws-paws]

Reminder I am a certified space marine lover. Don't ever come at me with "space marine so dumb fash toxic masculinity, hee hee!" or "space marine dumb and stupid and cowardly compared to X" I will bite you. I write my porn fic not to parody or belittle them, but because I love them so much I gotta put em in the meat grinder

[tagedeszorns]

I've never been a fan of Imperial Guard. I'm into Warhammer for Space Marines and Chaos Space Marines and that's about that.

But now I've read the short story "Knight of Talassar" in the Ultramarines Omnibus (there's some naming-shenanigans going on. Apparently this name was used for the Sicarius-Omnibus, which doesn't content the story it was named after. Anyway, I read the short story) and .. boy, oh, boy - those Krieg Korpsmen are just the funniest little fuckers!

They seem to be the Imperiums lemmings or something. Nonexistent sense of self-preservation. Totally eager to kill themselves to safe money in tank-repairs.

They even were ordered to act as meat-shields for Ultracius. A Dreadnought! That's about as effective as wrapping him in Kraft Singles.

Long story short: I love them. Dumb shits they are.