#I lost motivation to do more tags sorry LOL

[the-cooler-kizy-art]

I've never shared my doodles of Poseidon, mostly because i. Keep forgettinb to...

And some additional doodles of Apollo, Hermes, Ares, Aeolus and Eurymene!!

[kinopio-writes]

Hello dearie!!

How are you? I hope you're doing well!

I saw that your asks were open,and your content is really cool and silly,So I decided to leave you a nice ask to enjoy!

Could I have a headcanon platonic! Alastor,Vox and Husk finding a random child next to their dead mother, except that they don't really understand that she's dead and think she's sleeping,so they pity the child and take them in?

The child is really polite and nice,pretty calm,too. Sure,they do child stuff,like running around,being excited,etc,but they still are more calm than others.

They always talk about their mother,how she's the only one left,and how they love her.

Would the characters say the truth? Would they lie?

I just love hurt/comfort and platonic relationships so :3

Anyways,I hope that's not too much,and that you enjoy writing this!

Have a really nice day,don't forget to drink and take breaks!

Stay proud!

-Nina <33

A/N: Thank you for the reminders, heh. Btw, I’m going to have to change the reasons as to why they took you in because I just don’t see characters like Alastor and Vox taking you in because of pity. Sorry about that. The rest is untouched. You’ll still get a bit of that hurt/comfort (mostly from Husk, lol. Both Alastor and Vox are non-existent, but Alastor is somehow better than Vox).

Warnings: Mentions of death

———

Alastor, Husk, and Vox adopting a deceased mom’s child

Alastor

• Alastor paid no mind to the dead corpse

• it didn’t really look that appetizing anyway

• “How unfortunate.” You heard a weird voice from behind you as a hand was placed on your shoulder. “A child mourning in the demise of its mother. Tragic, really. You have my condolences.”

• “What are you talking about, mister?” You stared up at the mysterious man, watching his eyes flick from your left to right eye while his grin only grew as the seconds went by

• “I think you’ve just found yourself the perfect dwelling,” he abruptly said, letting go of your shoulder to fix his bowtie as he sprung back to life. “Why don’t you come with me?”

• “But what about my mother?”

• “She is in good hands, I can assure you.” He offered his hand to you. “Come along, now. Children shouldn’t dwell long in places like these.”

• and so he took you in to be a patron at his hotel

• I mean, what’s more easier to redeem than a child? (assuming you’re a sinner. I don’t know if it’s canon anymore that only hellborns can reproduce. Look at Cannibal Town’s people)

• he intended to leave you in the rest of the residents’ care while they could only guess what his actual motivation was for taking you in

• but it seemed you ended up favoring him more than the rest

• you’d follow him around like a duckling—a lost puppy—you’re attached to him like a leech

• and you’re so well-behaved, too

• up until he leaves your sight

• he actually leaves the hotel a lot more often now because of that

• he finds you wrecking chaos in the hotel entertaining as hell

• and the fact that the others beg him to come back to calm you down

• I don’t think you would ever know what happened to your mother

• even when you talk about her a lot

• those rambles never really prompt him to say anything

• well, it’s not as if he knew what happened to her

• but, hey, at least he listens!

• maybe it’s because he feels a little nostalgic hearing the way you talk about her…

———

Husk

• Husk was fucking spooked when he found you lying beside your dead mother

• not because of the corpse, but because of the way you were staring at him

• with eyes dull and wide open, just like your mother

• while Husk wouldn’t have given two shits if it was a grown-ass adult, you were a child

• so he took you in

• “But what about my mother?”

• “Shi—I, uh—your momma will tag along soon. Now c’mon. She wouldn’t want you out here alone.”

• since Husk is constantly around the hotel, there were never really instances where you wreaked havoc

• you just silently watch him tend the bar and sometimes talk about your mother

• your talks about how much you love her make him feel pretty guilty for some reason

• but he’d probably tell you when you’re older enough

• only if you were asking him about her though

• he wouldn’t want to have to sit you down and tell you something that sensitive of a topic when you didn’t even ask

• “Why don’t I have a mother?” you would suddenly ask when you turned 18

• today was your birthday. Charlie insisted on having a little party for you just like every year. But you didn’t want one; you wanted to be with Husk for the day

• the man in question sighed

• he knew you were building up the courage to ask all day

• “I’m gonna give it to you straight, kid, I don’t know what exactly happened to her. All I know is that she’s in a better place.”

• “Oh…”

• “Do you…wanna talk about it?” He continued, voice a little unsure, “Not as a bartender…but as a dad.”

• you smiled, grateful. “I think I’ve already said plenty when I was younger. But thanks, Dad.”

• he smiled back

• you two would then sit in silence together, basking in each other’s presence

———

Vox

• so, uh, I’m going to have to completely skip the taking you in part with Vox because I genuinely cannot see him adopting a random child (unless he could gain something, but, like, you’re just a kid)

• so you’ll just get the aftermath of it (hope that’s okay)

• based on the way he handled Val’s tantrum, I think it’s safe to assume that he’s somewhat good with children

• but he’s a pretty busy guy

• he doesn’t have the time to take care of a random child, so he’d make sure to keep an eye on you on his cameras

• but despite that, your existence in the tower warrants his

• as you’re too chaotic whenever he isn’t around

• but only around the other expendable employees

• you’re relatively well-behaved when Velvette and Valentino are with you

• but he doesn’t exactly trust them to take care of you

• they aren’t exactly good with children

• so he tried doing video calls

• you will definitely grow up as an iPad kid

• he’d hear you talk about your mom during those calls

• he’d let you go on and on, but it’s not guaranteed that he’ll listen

• I don’t think he would ever tell you what happened to her (he doesn’t know, anyway)

• he won’t lie, he’d just work around your question

• skillfully

• like, extremely so

• even if you ask him directly, he still manages to dodge the question somehow

• I don’t know what else to say, he’s gonna be a pretty distant father—

[hyewka]

STRICTLY PLATONIC [teaser] | choi beomgyu

SUMMARY. fucking your best friend was supposed to be a one time thing in the hopes of relinquishing feelings for your ex, but a one time turned into a weekly and cuddles after sex are way too intimate for your liking. but beomgyu insists that he’d never catch feelings for you, that he’s experienced in these types of arrangements. he still saw you as his best friend! it was totally only platonic for you too… right?

GENRE. smut, fluff, angst, college au, a hyewka fic with plot and structure.. sort of

TEASER WARNINGS. nothing explicit just some marking lol

AUTHOR NOTE. the dream fwb fic ive been wanting to write for ages so thank you to the ask i recently replied to as it was the main motivator for this 😭 this is going to be a long one so we're going the traditional route with a teaser, im opening a tag list so if you wish to be added send an ask or comment!

You’ve never seen Choi Beomgyu in a different light. That’s what you liked about him, that everything was so… constant. Your life could crash and burn but hey, Beomgyu was still Beomgyu— your friendship was a variable in your life that stayed undeniably the exact same.

You know, until you allowed him to fuck your brains out.

Even the sole fact that you have given the thought of Beomgyu being a ‘sex symbol’ has you quivering out of sheer horror— Beomgyu… has never been a sex symbol. Sure, he fucked around, and has a reputation and yeah sure, he was crazy hot when he isn’t showing signs of extreme sleep deprivation …but you’ve just never seen him in that light.

And to have let it simmer in your thoughts for longer than a second, makes you just a tinge hesitant in letting the silly goof pull you into the dancing crowd. You whine, “I’m tired Beomgyu! My heels are killing me.”

He either doesn’t hear over the blasting music or isn’t going to give it up because he pulls you in anyway, crashing your head right into his chest and you let out an instinctual ouch at the hard surface. Your eyes are wide looking up at him, sputtering out an unbelievable sentence. “Have you—have you been working out?”

His grin widens, holding up your arm to guide at feeling out his biceps. “Every now and then.” He doesn’t mind the minute it takes you to actually feel every muscle through his shirt, in fact he’s relishing in your sudden pique of interest in his body.

Whether he’s flexing them or not doesn’t show in his face—he looks completely relaxed and you finally admit—Beomgyu is getting toned.

“Why? You hate working out.” You could barely muffle those words with the way he had you engulfed in his arms, leaning his head in your neck, swaying side to side as if the song blasting was off of Taylor Swift’s Lover and not a Lil Wayne remix.

And he hasn’t even gotten a drop of alcohol yet.

But it’s true, Beomgyu hated the gym. Like, even more than you did. Which is a testament in and of itself.

He pulls away from the crook of your neck, a pout on his lips. “Didn’t you say your type was muscular men? At Halloween weekend?”

Halloween weekend was a year ago, the first frat party you managed to get into with the help of Beomgyu’s friend, Jake. You barely remember anything from it. Other than the occasional retells of the nights by Yunjin’s words, which are always a different version of the same story... so a not very credible source. “I mean, I guess they are. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know, just saying. Jaehyun was suuper muscly.” Okay, the random mention of your ex…maybe he had some drop of alcohol.

“Are you drunk?”

“You took too long to come back, lost at beer pong.”

“How many shots?” you interrogate.

“Two.” At your suspecting glare, he continues on, “Four…five…like, at most seven.”

Your eyes bulge out, huffing out a scoff. You guys always got wasted together! Noticing the furrow of your brows he holds you tighter whining, “I know I know, sorry, I tried telling Heeseung but he’s a savage cruel man, I was practically force fed that cup.”

You don’t doubt that he attempted to persuade Heeseung but you do doubt the force feeding, it only takes a couple nudges before getting Beomgyu to drink. “I’m just slightly tipsy, not drunk yet anyway. I pledged to never ever get trashed without you. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

You slap away the hand he puts up over his chest, incredulously, losing your control over the fits of giggles when he takes your flying hand in his, taking advantage by intertwining your fingers together. “What are you doing?” your cheeks probably hurt from all the smiling, you don’t know, you think your nerves are numb.

“Can’t a guy hold his twin flame, platonic best friend’s hand?”

Skinship was not an unfamiliar with Beomgyu—he was always a naturally clingy guy. You figured when the first ever official lunch hangout you’ve had with the boy and a few of your other friends, had included a lot of random footsie.

You didn’t even know him that well in high school. Who plays footsie with an acquaintance? Choi Beomgyu, that’s who. Yet even after some reluctance that day, you end up letting him have his childish, sort of endearing fun.

Though this was all but childish, the innocently mischievous twinkle of a scrawny teenage boy had been long gone, instead replaced by the most attractive man’s hungry, lust filled gaze. “Who told you to look so sexy today?”

The theme was Angel & Devil—to match with Beomgyu, you insisted on giving him the angel outfit, and you the costume of a devil. Matching was always the fun part of these parties. “Only today?” you drawl, making an exaggerated sultry trail with your finger on his chest.

“God, shut up, you know you’re always hot,” You don’t expect the seriousness of his tone, especially when you were just teasing, but he snakes his hand around your waist, pushing you further into his body, your tits suffocatingly pressed against his chest.

You do not expect the slight squeeze to your ass, your eyes shooting particularly wide, blood rushing up to trickle your cheeks. “But I like it when you’re a little devil, makes you so sexy and alluring.”

His face buried into your neck again, this time not missing the chance of taking a deep inhale. Beomgyu could stay like this forever, filling his lungs with you, and only you. “Still can’t believe I had my hands off you for so long little devil.” Your eyes flutter shut, taking quick breaths as he moves his soft lips to your neck, wet kisses with a slip of teeth nibbling just slightly to tease, planning on coloring you with all the pretty purple hues.

And you’re sure he was well on his way until you sober up at the abrupt change in the DJ’s track.

“Beomgyu, not—not now, we’re in public.” And surrounded by tons of people that you’re either friends with or know. That broke one of the most important pillars of your agreement—to keep the fuck buddies ‘thing’ a secret.

You don’t expect the speed of his instant pull away when processing your words, blinking his pretty lashes and the tipsiness away—his doe eyes are too much of a weakness, the little furrow of his brows something you desperately want to kiss and smoothen out. “Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry.” he scratches the back of his neck, genuinely apologetic.

And eats away at you. You know Beomgyu well—he hates keeping things secret, he’s the type of person to flaunt relationships all over his feed in that lovesick puppy way that most women could only dream of having—but you weren’t dating. And that was the boundary set.

You didn’t ask him to pull away completely though, but here you were, awkwardly as distanced as you could be in the middle of a rager with sweaty college students rubbing their bodies against each other. As gross as that was, you zero’d in on something less of a given: the fact that you’ve never felt this way with Beomgyu. Ever. It was like you were starring in the most awkward coming of age indie movie, y’know, without the crazy scenery and cinematography.

And more often than not, you find that these occurance of realisations, become more and more frequent. You feel things you’ve never felt a certain way with Beomgyu. Which only brought you to realize something else; Beomgyu was now a changing variable in your life and you’re not entirely sure how to handle that.

[cozy-the-overlord]

Free Fall

Summary: Tony Stark arranges for an Avengers Teambuilding Day at a local amusement park. Loki had been hoping to avoid it -- he's had enough thrills to last a lifetime, he has no desire to seek out more -- but you and your endearing enthusiasm for roller coasters convince him to come along. However, the free fall drop tower you start out with turns out to be a bit more thrilling than he bargained for.

Word Count: 3,482

Pairing: Loki x Gender Neutral Reader

A/N: Drags self out of the grave and awkwardly waves

So it's been a minute since I posted lol. Those of you who follow may be aware that I recently graduated from college with the Final Semester From Hell that involved my computer hard drive dying on me in class and causing me to lose not only forty pages of my honors thesis two weeks before it was due, but also almost every WIP I had been working on in the past four years because I am an idiot who chronically forgets to back things up :D I did make it through college, but between stress, burnout, depression, and the death of any motivation to work on anything because of having to restart from the beginning for all of my projects, I went a while without writing anything. But I'm slowly getting back into it -- I have several projects in the works and I'm hoping to get back to posting more regularly. This fic was a short piece that I had started prior to the computer death that I had a lot of physical notes on so they weren't lost when my hard drive decided to yeet itself into the sun. I'm not entirely happy with it, but honestly it feels so good to finally finish something that I don't care.

Anyways, sorry for the obnoxious A/N. Thank you so much for reading!

Warnings: PTSD, flashbacks, panic attack, a bit of motion sickness?

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname @electroma89 @lokislittlesigyn @moumouton4 @theredrenard @justdontmindmetm @lostgreekgod @naterson

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :) (I also realize that this taglist is Old so if I need to update it please let me know)

Read it on Ao3!

Standing in the shadow of the great tower, heart thudding in his throat, Loki is suddenly aware that he’s made an enormous mistake.

Next to him, Stark whistles. “This is what you usually start with?”

You grin up at the spire, a massive construction of electric green cutting through the cloudless sky. Two elevators, one on either side, are creeping slowly up the length of the tower. They linger at the top for just a moment before plunging back down to Earth, their occupants screaming. Loki feels ill just watching, but you’re practically vibrating in place. “It’s good to get the blood pumping.”

He can’t bring himself to look at you.

It’s your fault that he’s here. Loki hadn’t planned to come today at all. A day spent outside in the sweltering summer sun, following Stark’s gaggle of misfits onto various machines designed to fling mortals from side to side to simulate the feeling of a near death experience? Loki couldn’t imagine anything more torturous. Thor’s begging and cajoling received nothing in response. No, he hadn’t the slightest intention of coming today, not until last night, when he came across you restocking the main refrigerator.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” you had asked as you arranged rows of Red Bull on the top shelf. “I can’t wait to take you guys around Rapid Rails—I’ve been begging Mr. Stark to do a teambuilding day there ever since he hired me.”

Your eagerness caught him off guard— as Stark’s personal assistant, you had been present at all of his godforsaken teambuilding events, but Loki had never known you to be particularly excited about any of them. “I … I wasn’t aware you had such an attachment to it.”

“Oh yeah—I grew up just down the street from there!” You beamed at him, breaking down the cardboard box you had used to carry the cans. “We used to have season passes – they were way cheaper when I was a kid – and we’d just go there to hang out all the time. Gosh it was so fun. And now I get to go for work!” You let out a merry laugh. “I guess some things never change, right?”

Loki huffed a soft chuckle. He had never seen you like this before, practically bubbling over in excitement. It was … rather endearing. “I suppose not.”

“You are coming, right? Thor said you hadn’t made up your mind yet.”

Were the circumstances different, Loki might have scoffed. Hadn’t made up your mind yet—Norns, his brother lived in denial. Instead though, he hesitated. “I … I’m afraid I hadn’t planned on it.”

“Really?” The way your face fell actually hurt his chest. “Why not?”

“I—” He glanced away, pressing his lips together. “I’m not sure I’m one for your roller coasters,” he said, finally. “You’d likely have a better time without me there.” It was an attempt at lightheartedness, but you only seemed more disappointed.

“Oh, that’s not true at all! I was really looking forward to—” you stopped suddenly, and when Loki looked up again, you were biting your lip with a nervous laugh. “I mean, it would be really fun if you came with us. But it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I suppose I could come, if you so desire.” He hoped he sounded nonchalantly cool, and that you couldn’t see the way his heart fluttered at the idea that you might want him there. “I wouldn’t wish to let you down.”

“Oh, I mean—” You looked away, the light from the refrigerator silhouetting your frame. “I don’t want to force you, if you don’t want to. You shouldn’t do it just for me.”

“No, I …” He inhaled, then smiled. “I think I would like to join you.”

And so here he is, at the base of this great metal monstrosity, intently studying the sign outside of the line entrance to avoid Thor’s knowing smirk. His brother has never worn self-satisfaction well.

DEATH DROP: THE TALLEST AND FASTEST DROP TOWER ON THE EAST COAST

 The description is illustrated with a photograph of two people strapped to their seats, mouths wide in mid-scream as their hair flies every which way. Loki lets out a shaky exhale as he reads. The tower, it claims, is 400 feet tall. It reaches top speeds of 85 miles per hour. The ride itself lasts about 90 seconds in total. The measuring stand besides the entrance indicates that participants must be at least 48 inches tall.

400 feet. That doesn’t sound too terrible, he tells himself. The concept of a foot as a unit of measurement is still something he struggles to wrap his head around, but he knows that Stark Tower stands at over a thousand. So that’s not too bad. 400 feet would be a drop in the bucket, really, compared to …

No. He pushes the thought down, back into the dark recesses of his memory. None of that. Not today.

Stark smirks at him. “You’re looking green, Tommy Wiseau.”

Loki swallows, straining to maintain his stiff mask of composure. It’s bad enough to have Stark reveling in his discomfort, but now you’re looking over at him too, brow furrowed in concern, and he wishes he could melt away on the spot. “I’m quite fine.”

“Of course he is!” Thor booms, slapping his shoulder with a hearty thwack that does nothing for Loki’s stomach. “We’ve fallen from much higher heights, haven’t we, brother?”

Weightless. Breathless. Engulfed by inky nothingness, the air so thin he can’t even scream —

Loki’s smile hurts. “Yes, very true.”

“You don’t have to go, Loki,” you interject. “It’s totally okay— I have friends who love roller coasters and refuse to touch this ride. It’s a lot.”

He knows you mean it as reassurance, but he can’t stand the way you’re looking at him, as if he were a frightened child, too fragile to be brought along. Are you regretting having convinced him to change his mind? Do you feel that he’s only holding you back? Somehow, the idea that you no longer want him here is almost as sickening as the thought of the fall.

Loki huffs a breath. No. He will prove himself worthy of your coaster. “I assure you, I am fine.” His voice is more strained than he’d prefer it to be. “Let’s get on with it, shall we?”

…

The attendant seems rather starstruck as he ushers the group onto the ride—he stumbles and stammers through the explanation of the seating arrangements and the harness. Loki’s not really listening as he follows you to the left side of the cart, trying not to ignore the buzzing that seems to be settling behind his ears.

You smile up at him. “Would you rather sit on the side or in the middle?”

He frowns. “Does it make a difference?”

“Well, personally I don’t think so, but I know some people who get scared of heights think it’s easier to sit in the middle.”

“I’m not scared of heights.” The words come out far too quickly to sound believable, and he curses inwardly at himself. “I can sit on the side.”

“Are you sure?”  You eye him uncertainly. “It’s okay if you—"

“I’m quite capable of managing such a seat.” He sits before you have the chance to question him again.

The seat is rather tight—Loki wonders if that’s intentional, or if it’s simply built with a smaller frame in mind. In the cart off to the right, he can hear Thor fumbling about with the attendant, and he chuckles despite himself. If he’s finding it to be a bit of a squeeze, he can’t imagine the troubles his bulky brother must be having.

It’s a momentary reprieve from his darker thoughts, and Loki is actually smiling when you warn him to sit back against the seat.

“The harness is going to be coming down soon.”

“What?”

You motion to the contraption above the cart, two plastic green masses shaped like upside down u’s that hover above your heads like the top of a clam shell. “It sits over you and keeps you from flying out of the cart.” You let out a small laugh. “It’s like the harnesses on the Quinjets, but way less cool. They also have little handles that you can hold on to if you want.”

Loki is eyeing the harnesses uncertainly. “What do you mean they’ll be coming down soon?”

“You used to have to pull it down yourself, but they have it all programmed now.” A great mechanical creak cracks through the air, and you press yourself against the back of the seat. “Oh, here it comes now!”

He frowns, mimicking your movement to sit as far back as he can. The green restraint descends slowly over his head, with a metallic groan that does not give him much faith in the construction of this monstrosity. He expects it to stop once it was hovering over his torso, but it continues until it’s pressed snuggly against his chest, pinning him to the seat. The attendant is saying something over the intercom, but Loki barely registers it over the feeling of the restraint. It’s … it’s not a painful sensation, but the firmness with which it holds … he’s been restrained before. Little flames of memory spark in the corners of his mind, flames he can’t seem to douse no matter how hard he tries.

Get it off. Get it off. Get it off.

He gives an apprehensive tug on the metal handles that now rest on either shoulder, a tug which quickly turns into a hard yank. The harness does not move. His mouth has gone dry.

“Loki?” you’re frowning at him, your head only barely visible through your own harness. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

You’re not bothered by the restraint. Of course you aren’t—how many times did you say you’ve ridden this ride? It’s fine. It’s fine. Goodness, what must you think of him, seeing him panic over the safety harness that you’ve worn hundreds of times before for fun? He nods his head, shaking away the feelings and memories and emotions and all the other thoughts that he wishes he could just wash down the drain …

“Are you sure—?”

“Perfectly,” he spits, but it comes out more snappishly than he intended, and you recoil with a look on your face that makes him despise himself.

I shouldn’t be allowed to speak.

“And enjoy your ride!” the attendant finishes with a flourish, and the thick metal cranking is all the warning you get before the cart begins to lift off from the ground. Loki’s heart jumps to his throat, pounding so fast he can’t make out the separate beats.

“This part is the scariest bit,” you yell at him over the grinding of machinery. “The anticipation kills me!”

Loki inhales. The elevator continues to rise, inching up slowly along the spire, the ground beneath their feet melting into miniature. This is alright, he tells himself. If this is the worst part of the experience, then he’ll be just fine. There’s nothing particularly frightening about it—he spoke the truth when he told you that he had never been bothered by heights. It’s all perfectly fine.

Perfectly. Fine.

Norns, they’re still going up. He risks a glance at the track above him—surely they must be close now? The movement makes him queasy, and he quickly turns back to face straight ahead. His knuckles are white from clutching the handles. The harness is digging into his chest and it takes all of his self-control not to rip it off. The elevator stutters—is this it? His breath catches, but no, they’re still going up. They seem to be slowing down though, don’t they? Or is that only his imagination?

I’m going to be ill.

They’ve stopped. That’s not in his head. Everything seems frozen in place. Why did he agree to do this? Loki presses his eyes closed. Any moment now. Any moment …

Still nothing.

His chest aches. He may have forgotten to breathe. Why have they stopped? Is something wrong? Loki turns to you—you look ecstatic, eyes crinkled with elation, mouth wide in an open grin.

“When is it going to—”

You drop.

The world goes silent. He feels it, that awful sensation in his stomach as the line goes slack and colors rush before his eyes in a blur until it all fades to darkness, airlessness, weightlessness, his lungs burning and drowning on the empty void of space—he’s falling, he’s falling again, he’s falling again oh please Norns not again—

There’s ground beneath his feet. He’s not sure where it came from. His knuckles ache. You’re talking – to him? He’s not sure, he only barely can make out your voice …

“Loki? The harness is coming up. Can you let go?”

He’s still clinging to the handles. Can he let go? He’s not sure. His body feels like lead. He pries his fingers from the metal tube and the pressure against his chest vanishes with a woosh over his head.

“There you go.” Your voice is soft, encouraging, closer than he remembered. He looks up to find you kneeling on the ground before him. You flash a nervous smile. “You alright?”

He’s not sure what to say. His instinct is to apologize, insist that yes, of course, he’s quite alright, he didn’t mean to give any impression to the contrary, everything is fine, but the words catch in his throat.

stars melting together smothering his last breath

Loki lets out a shuddering breath, settles for a nod.

“What’s the hold-up?” Stark calls out. “Barton and Romanov are waiting with the kids on the other side of the park.”

“We’re just taking a break for a minute!” Your reply is hurried. “You guys can go on, we’ll meet you there.”

“Is something wrong?” Thor sounds concerned, and—oh great—now both him and Stark are walking over to their cart. “Loki? What happened?”

“I—” But words, so often his steadfast ally, seem to be failing him right now. What happened? He has no answer; at least, none that his brother would accept. For nothing had happened, not really, and yet that was enough to send him spiraling through the fabric of reality.

He hates this. He hates feeling so weak.

Stark is chuckling. “If I knew that this was all it took to shut him up, I would have rented this place out sooner—”

Enough.

Loki forces himself to stand – far too quickly, his stomach churns at the movement, but he swallows the bile in his throat. He needs to get away. It doesn’t matter how, but he needs to not be with them. Besides him, you scramble to your feet too.

“I’m well.” His voice doesn’t sound right—it feels foreign, and thick like syrup, nothing like his own. “You may go on without me.”

“Are you certain?” Thor is frowning. “We can wait—”

Please don’t.

“I’m certain. I just need to sit for a moment.”

“There’s a bench nearby!” You’ve taken on the same cheery inflection typical of your working voice, and it adds a sense of normalcy to a distinctly abnormal situation. He’s grateful for it. “I can show you where!”

Both Stark and his brother seem reluctant to leave, but you insist that it’s fine. “I’ll call you if anything changes.”

He feels slightly steadier as he follows you to the bench—it’s just a wooden thing on the side of the concrete path, across from what appears to be a diner of some sort. You mumble something about going to get water. It’s a relief when you turn away, so you don’t see how he collapses against the seat.

There’s ground beneath his feet. Loki closes his eyes, focuses on that. There’s ground beneath my feet. The asphalt is firm, hot with the summer sun, anchoring him to reality. He lets out a breath. It feels safe.

Unless, of course, it crumbles beneath your step and flings you back into the abyss –

“Hey.” He jerks up at the sound of your voice, and the suddenness causes you to jump as well. You shift apologetically, standing in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Loki swallows. How did he not hear you come up? “You didn’t.” Although it must be obvious that you did. At least you’re kind enough to allow him the lie.

You offer him a plastic cup. It’s a flimsy thing, but quite cold, relieving against his feverish skin. He takes it with a mumbled thanks, pretending he doesn’t notice how you’re studying him with a quiet sort of concern.

“Are you feeling better?” you ask after a moment.

Loki bites down on the inside of his cheek, relishing the way it stings. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just – I mean – ” you glance down, tugging at your shirt sleeve. “I get panic attacks too.”

“I don’t—” But he stops himself, stops the urge to argue. Gives a gentle nod instead. “I’m well, thank you. I just … I need a moment to catch my breath.”

“I’m sorry …” You look away guiltily. “Death Drop is kind of a lot – we shouldn’t have done that first.”

“It’s not that. I –” He wants to explain to you. He wants you to know that he’s not usually like this—he never used to be like this, he’s strong and steady and perfectly capable of anything you could ask of him, but his voice is failing once again. Loki huffs a sigh. “You ought to go on with the others. I don’t wish to ruin your day.”

“Oh, you haven’t ruined anything. I’ve been on every ride in this park about a million times. It’s fine!” Your voice is bubbly and light as you sit down next to him on the bench. There’s something oddly comforting about the sound. “Besides, it’s bad etiquette to leave a friend by themselves at an amusement park. Buddy system and all that.”

A friend. He can only stare at you.

You falter. “Unless … unless you’d rather I left?”

“No—” Loki surprises himself with how quickly he answers. “No, I’d rather you didn’t.”

Several minutes pass in silence, the frantic beating of his heart slowly tapering off into something softer as he drinks in your presence. He’s grateful for it, grateful for how you let him soak in the quiet. Thor would never have allowed him such a moment’s peace.

 He’s considering asking if you’re sure you don’t want to go on any other coasters (he feels guilty for keeping you here—perhaps he can accompany you through the queue and wait on the ground?) when you suddenly sit up stock-straight. “Oh!”

Loki frowns. “Is something wrong?”

You turn to him with a wide grin. “I just remembered they have Dole Whip here!”

“They—what kind of whip?” What sort of ride would a whip be, he wonders? A human sized slingshot, perhaps? His stomach lurches at the thought.

Luckily though, he’s proved wrong. “Dole Whip!” you giggle. “It’s like ice cream, but fruit flavored. Like there’s pineapple and strawberry and whatnot—it’s like soft serve.” You look at him with a kind of hopeful excitement. “Do you want to try some?”

Loki hums. He has yet to try soft serve ice cream, but he knows his brother practically swears by the stuff. “Is it good?”

“Supposedly. I’ve actually never tried it— we never wanted to spend money on park food when we would come as kids. It’s stupid expensive.” You smirk. “But today’s all on Mr. Stark’s dime, so…”

He chuckles. “And you would take advantage of your employer in such a fashion? I didn’t realize I had such a Machiavellian on my hands.”

“Hey, I’m just taking advantage of the opportunities presented to me!” You stand with a grin, holding your hands up in a mock surrender pose. “You can’t blame me for that, can you?”

“Oh, I’d never,” he teases as he stands, and he’s relieved to find that his legs have regained their steadiness. “I’d be honored to experience this Dole Whip with you on Stark’s expense.”

“Fantastic,” you beam. “It’s not too far from here. And it’s right next to a bunch of these little shops—they have this ridiculous giant sea monster toy that costs like $300, I can show you—”

You continue on as the both of you walk down the path, telling him all about the park’s various hidden gems and the inside jokes you and your friends have concocted around them, and Loki finds himself laughing more than not—he can’t help it, your giggles are just too infectious.

Huh. Perhaps joining you today wasn’t a mistake after all.

[cowboyemeritus]

Il Suo Campione (Copia/Reader)

Chapter Eight

Series Masterlist

Summary: Copia learns the horrible truth.

Content Warnings: references to gang violence, drug abuse/addiction, brief mention/description of a corpse

Read on AO3

notes: hey everyone! sorry updates are getting farther apart - i've been having some problems staying motivated. seeing all your support for this story helps, though, so thank you all so much :)

as of right now i'd say this is about the halfway point of the story. i genuinely do want to finish it, so please bear with me while i sort out this writer's block issue.

i feel like there are a few clunky parts of this, but i got to the point where i felt i just needed to publish it lol. sorry in advance. i hope it's somewhat interesting, at least.

a few people have asked to be tagged when new chapters come out, so if you want in on that lmk!

thanks again! feedback is always welcome. you all are the best :)

Copia has struggled to keep you off his mind since the night of the match. The evening’s events had only confirmed his growing suspicion that there is something seriously amiss with you. It’s easy for him to look back and recognize you’ve always been quiet and detached, yet constantly on guard and prone to bouts of explosive rage. Whatever, or whoever, instilled that in you had exited your life long before you met. What is new is the hate he saw reflected in his bedroom mirror, and the shame in your eyes when you lost. From his experience being Nihil’s son, those are feelings with which Copia is intimately familiar. They’re easy for him to recognize and treat accordingly in others. The rest he’ll have to work on.

He ties not to think about the emptiness in your eyes as you watched Diego bleed out on the cold, dirty concrete. Something tells him that’s out of his wheelhouse.

Copia’s cheek is still tender from where Mary had hit him. For the scrawny creature that he is, the greasy punk can sure pack a punch. As much as he wants to drag him through the streets for it, he really should have seen it coming. Mary is the protective type, and Copia certainly didn’t help himself by neglecting to call or make your whereabouts known until the next morning, returning you to your bother concussed, battered, and zoning in and out of reality. Copia knows he deserved it, at least in part.

“You don’t know anything about her!”

Mary is naive; he doesn’t know half of what goes on in the dark recesses of this city. He hasn’t had to make the painful choices, the sacrifices, that keep this kind of business flowing. But, he’s right. Copia has no idea who, or what, you really are. The notion is starting to eat at him.

Heaving out a sigh, he pulls into Secondo’s driveway. The crunch of the gravel under the car makes him nervous; he’s always convinced there will be glass or nails or something sharp waiting in there to fuck up his tires. He holds his breath as he drives up to the house and parks, slowly letting it out only once he’s certain nothing has popped. Stepping out of the car, he looks up at the blocky, brutalist home, a shock of gray against the blue sky and rich green of the surrounding pines. In a very childish part of his mind it looks like some sort of supervillain lair, an ominous thing ready to swallow up all who dare enter. Considering what business-related activities occasionally go on inside, it’s not a far off comparison.

Copia groans. He’s not as bad as Nihil, but Secondo has always been the runner-up for family hard-ass. It’s a product of their childhood, he thinks. Secondo and Terzo were so close in birth they were raised like twins. As they grew up, someone naturally had to balance out the ambitious, reckless energy of the third brother. While he’s no stranger to debauchery, at his core Secondo is a calculating, exacting man, brutally efficient in everything he does. Seldom does he waste time with pleasantries and fluff.

The garage door begins to lift, the racket startling Copia. As the panels slide upwards more and more of his brother is revealed. First, it’s his shoes, fine Italian leather polished to hell. Then, his slacks, starched and pressed like he’s having tea with the Queen. There’s a clean, white dress shirt and then Copia is looking Secondo in the face. He doesn’t appear as put together as he usually is, something a bit haggard about him. The creases under his eyes are deeper, a dusting of stubble across his jaw. From behind him two men appear, each holding the end of a large mass wrapped in sheets. As they pass by him, carrying the bundle out of the house, Copia instinctively knows that Diego will be resting in peace from now on.

“Come in.” It’s not quite a command, but not an invitation either. Copia would have preferred a “hello.” Sheepishly, he follows as his brother turns and walks briskly to the door separating the garage from the rest of the house. It’s a short journey. As with all of Secondo’s things, the space is staggeringly neat, no boxes of junk colonizing the floor like at his home. He glances over at one of the parked cars, a 55 Coronet, and smiles to himself, remembering when it was new. It had been bright red back then. Secondo’s face had been a similar shade as he sat in the back seat, knuckles white while Primo gave Copia his first driving lesson. With every jerk of the vehicle a new vein appeared on his forehead, Terzo lauging harder and harder until he’d nearly pissed himself. They went to the creek after that, Copia battling nausea from a cigarette, his first, that he’d bummed off his third brother. That had been a good day.

At some point in the 60s, Secondo had the coat changed to black. By the 70s, it had been involved in so many crimes he’d stopped driving it altogether, the plates removed and shredded. Now here it sits, gathering dust, a relic of more innocent times. As Copia crosses the threshold into the house, he finds he’s not smiling anymore.

Despite his home’s harsh exterior, Secondo is a man of taste. A sensualist. His decor reflects that, all dark leather and silk, shelves lined with antiques and souvenirs from his travels. His office, however, is the only room that actually looks lived in. It wouldn’t be a surprise to Copia if he slept in there. There’s very little in the way of mess, but with a trained eye, he easily picks out the hints of disorder that are hidden around the room like Easter eggs: crumpled wads of paper on the floor by the wastebasket, a coffee cup perched precariously on the windowsill, the contents long cold. The decorative pillows on the couch could use a good fluffing, and there’s a quilt, the once colorful fabric faded, folded haphazardly and draped over the back. Maybe he has been sleeping here.

Secondo clears his throat, putting an end to Copia’s scavenger hunt. He looks across the desk at his brother, suddenly feeling like a child again. From the expression on his face it’s clear he’s in for a scolding. Copia holds back a groan, crossing his ankles and tucking them beneath his chair. He’d better get this over with.

“Is this about what happened the other night? I don’t have any details other than-“

“The girl,” Secondo says. “This is about her.” Copia is stunned. For a moment he stares at his brother, blinking, before even trying to open his mouth.

“I-” Suddenly he feels a bit flustered. “What- The fight? I know w- she lost, but…“ His underarms are uncomfortably sweaty. Terzo said he’d work on it. Perhaps he’d been drunk that night after all, the bastard. “What did you think?”

“She is far too attached to you. That is what I think.” Copia is taken even farther aback.

“Excuse me,” he sputters, quirking an eyebrow at his brother. “But I do not understand why that’s any of your business. Do Primo and Terzo’s,” for a moment he’s stuck on what to call you, “associates need your approval now too?”

Secondo rolls his eyes. “This is different,” he insists. “She is different.” Copia can’t meet his brother’s gaze, eyes darting to the window. Outside, a small, gray bird perches on a branch, preening its feathers. It looks up suddenly before taking flight, a blur of brown and white in pursuit. Copia swallows, crossing his arms.

“There is nothing wrong with that, fratello,” he grumbles, not sure how much he can defend you beyond that. He knows what his brother really means. But is this what he called him here for? To critique his choice in women? “And you’ve had your fair share of weird girls-“ He jumps when Secondo bangs a fist on the solid wood of the desk.

“Fucking Christ.” For a moment, there is something unreadable, but deeply frightening, in his eyes. He lets out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. The tension in the room is palpable, thick like tar and just as foul. Wordlessly, Secondo rises from his seat, shuffling over to a beat-up, old filling cabinet in the corner of the room. Flecked with rust, it is, perhaps, the only common-looking thing he owns. From his pocket he produces a set of keys that clink together as he unlocks one of the drawers. Copia can just barely see that it is full of documents, organized into neat folders. Carefully, he reaches into one of the files and produces what appears to be a newspaper clipping. He looks back and forth between Copia and the paper for a moment, the conflict surprisingly plain on his face. With another heavy exhale Secondo settles back in his chair, placing the slip face-down on the desk. With a look that says “I told you so,” he slides it over. Copia takes a shaky breath, feeling his brother’s eyes bore into him. Leaning slightly forward in his seat, he gingerly turns it over.

He’s confused by what he sees.

The cutting is of a portrait, taken in a department store studio. There are two people in it. One is a man in his early thirties. His face has a gauntness that immediately tells Copia he’s a user, his skin pale and slightly jaundiced. He smiles but his eyes are tired, the creases around them deep and the circles dark. He’s strung out, only just holding himself together for the sake of the little girl next to him. As his eyes drift over to the child, who cannot be older than four or five, Copia feels his blood turn to ice.

Even twenty years younger, the girl in the photo is unmistakably you. He would recognize that face anywhere. Still, it takes a moment for him to fully process exactly what he’s staring at. That smile… You look too innocent, too happy to be, well, you. Whoever this is, she is a copy, a sick fabrication of the person you could have been. It’s just not right. It’s uncanny.

“I don’t…” Copia tugs at the collar of his shirt, finding he’s in desperate need of oxygen. As the pieces begin to click together, a knot of dread settles deep in his stomach. “Why do you have this?” Secondo sits there with his arms crossed, eyes full of more emotion than he has seen from his brother in a long time. There’s anger, pity, and shame there. Copia says nothing; he already has half the answer anyway. “W-what…” Unable to find the words he sighs, letting the breath out slowly. A few strands of hair have fallen in his face and he brushes them back, steeling himself. With a look to his brother that he hopes conveys resolve he straightens in his chair. “Tell me. The whole story.”

Without breaking eye contact, Secondo pushes his readers further up his nose. When that hand comes down the tip of his pointer finger is resting on the forehead of the man in the photograph. “One of ours. Started dealing to pay back some debts. I am not sure who he owed, or for what. I never knew him personally.” There’s a moment of understanding, an unspoken agreement between the two brothers. They don’t know, but they know. It’s too familiar a story, one Copia has heard hundreds of times to the point where he’s sick of it.

And yet, the show goes on. The coffers must always be full.

“He tried to make a deal and it went sour. Nearly got us busted. Fuck, I have never seen Nihil so pissed.” A memory resurfaces: his father, fists still shaking, setting down a pair of bloody brass knuckles on the breakfast table. They never managed to get the stain out of that tablecloth. “The numbers were already suspicious. It did not take us long to find that he had been skimming off the top for his own use. He stole from us, fratellino.” In this line of work, that’s enough to justify almost anything. Secondo glances back down at the photograph. “So we did what had to be done. Those were father’s orders.”

There is a long moment of silence between them. Copia is reeling, still trying to make sense of this devastating information. This can’t be. This has to be some cruel joke. He looks down at his hands. They’re far too clean. A disturbing thought crosses his mind. “She was there?” Secondo shrugs.

“We did not see her.” An even worse thought rears its head.

“If she…” He swallows, not wanting to accuse his brother but needing an answer. “Would you have… You know.”

Secondo shakes his head, gazing out the window. The disgust bleeds through even the most minute shifts of his face. “No. Not for anything. And certainly not for Nihil.” Copia feels his shoulders drop but is still on edge. His brother is never this forthcoming and it’s overwhelming. It’s all too much.

“I see,” he says, feeling a little sick. We made her this way. Before he can stop himself the image of you lying on that old boxing mat, confused and hurt, flashes through his mind. You had told him you were sorry. Whether he wants to laugh or cry at the cruel irony of that he doesn’t know.

This is all my fault.

“Does the old man know?”

“No,” Secondo grunts. “And he never will. But the girl has to go.” Copia is stunned, then enraged.

"I won't let you touch her."

Secondo waves him off. "I meant she should skip town."

“Still, why?” The anger returns to his brother’s face.

“Vengeance, Copia. What would she do if she were to find out the truth? She may already know. For all we know, she could be feeding information to the Giordanos as we speak. That would certainly explain why all our fucking product is going missing.” The insinuation lights a spark inside of Copia.

“You think I don’t know the people who work for me? That I share Family secrets for pillow talk?” He scoffs, crossing his arms. “I haven’t told her anything about the business. She is innocent in all of this.”

“Then all the more reason why she must go. You will get her killed, if she does not kill you first.” Logically, Copia knows he’s right, but the implication that he can’t protect himself, that he’s become your unwitting fool, just makes him feel like a child. If he had wanted that, he would have gone to Nihil. And there’s another, deeper part of him that knows he can’t abandon you now. Not after what his family — what he — has done to you. His heart aches at the thought, despair beginning to take root. He has to make this right, but how? How do you even begin to repair damage like that? It seems like an impossible task.

“Why would you tell me this,” he mutters, still staring at the beaming little girl in the photograph. He can’t recall ever seeing you smile. Have you even felt happiness since that day?

“Because we are family. I have an obligation to protect you.”

Copia grunts, angry and sad and ashamed. He glares up at his brother. “When has that ever mattered?” Secondo furrows his eyebrows.

“It has always mattered.”

For a moment, Copia forgets himself. “Where was that rhetoric when Terzo-” He stops, pressing his lips together. Across from him, Secondo sits silently, but there is the faintest trace of hurt in his eyes. Copia wants nothing more than to curl up and vanish, to turn into a little bug and crawl away. “I’m sorry, I-“

“That is all I had to say,” Secondo states, unwavering. “I strongly suggest you take my advice. You can be on your way.” Copia knows it’s not a suggestion. Nodding, he rises from his chair. Secondo stays seated, skimming over one of the papers littering his desk, no longer paying him any mind. He doesn’t bother saying goodbye, mind racing as he sees himself out of the house.

When Copia gets back in his car he sits there a while, his head in his hands.

[scarqn]

Stranger || Vernon

Vernon x f!reader

Genre:fluff, nonidol!vernon, smau

Summary: you come home from a vacation to a random stranger in your bed, or maybe he isn't so much of a stranger after all...

Warnings: swearing (mostly f!reader lol sos), a lil but of angst & mental health mentions, hella serious anger issues(f! reader), mentions of sexual activity, very much kissing, mentions of food/pics of food:) TALK ABOUT CAR CRASH‼️

A/N: HEY sorry I’ve been gone all week I’m back at school and it’s exam time especially next week so I might be even more inactive (only since I wanna do good on these exams for the bigger ones) but I’ll try myself best. But I’ve always been away this week bc I’ve had no motivation at all and it’s been pretty tuff for me in general. But I hope I can do better in the future. So please forgive me for the long wait for part 4🙏🏼😰 anyways hope you enjoy❤️

Vernon makes his way to your bedroom, he wants to ask about your knee and what happened, but he feels like it may be a sensitive topic to you. So, he just asks if you needed anything else be he heads out. “No I’m okay, thank you though, it means a lot.” You reply. He nods and you get suspicious that he wants to ask you something else.

He slightly glances to your knee and now you know he’s wanting to ask what happened. “I was in an accident.” You say. Vernons head jerks up and he mutters out a single, “Oh.” It was unexpected, he didn’t know, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” He’s genuine, that’s what you like the most about him. He’s honest and kind and somehow doesn’t make small things into bigger things.

“No it’s okay, I can talk about it. I ended up tearing my ACL severely. I almost lost my ability to walk, I try my best to be as careful and even though I’ve been cleared for weeks now, I dont it just stresses me out. I hit my knee and I immediately think of the worst thing possible.” You let out a small chuckle at the end.

“It happened in the states, I was staying with my mom for a little. For about three weeks, then me and my brother got into an accident after I picked him up from the gym. My mom didn’t want me to come back to Korea until I was cleared. That’s why I was gone for so long and the only people know is Mingyu and Minghao and well, now you.”

“Oh,” it’s the only thing Vernon seems to let out, he’s shocked and doesn’t know what to say. “Are you okay?” He asks, you simply nod and say, “Yes, no one was killed. My brother did experience a little bit of brain damage but he’s okay now. And so am I so please don’t worry about me. I had enough of that when it came to Mingyu and Hao.” You laugh.

“Well aslong as you’re okay, then so am I. I’m glad no deaths happened. I’m glad you’re okay, and your brother I don’t know.” You nudge he shoulder softly.

“Mingyu was right about you being a big softy on the inside.” You joke, Vernon’s raises and eyebrow, “Mingyu said that? What else did he say about me?”

“Nothing bad, just a few things he thought I’d need to know before I do something stupid like kicking you out.” You shrug your shoulders. Vernon nods, “Well, I need to get going to I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, I’ll make something when you get back.” You smile at him, he returns the smile and you both bid goodbyes and he leaves.

Once Vernon leaves, you find yourself letting out a big sigh you did notice you were keeping in. At least he now knows what happened to you. You did feel like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders when you told him what happened. Even thought you and your brother are okay, it’s still a sensitive topic. You couldn’t drive for almost 4 months because you was scared. Therapy helped you over coke that though.

“Right,” you say to yourself, “Time for the gym.”

AN: I actually like this one😭🙏🏼

Tags: @dkswife @writingbarnes

(Lmk if you wanna be tagged👊🏻)

[hyungseos-cafe]

Pairing: P1harmony Jiung x GN!Reader Ft. Theo and Keeho

Word count: 581

Summary: When things get rocky between Jiung and Y/n, Keeho urges him to write a letter explaining his feelings.

A/n: Hey so you remember that one letter Jiung wrote to Y/n that I was telling you about?? Lol well here it is! I was supposed to post it months ago, but I kept putting it off. I hope you enjoy!!

Order for: @sxfterhearts @p1ecesofate @issadumbass @stellxx @sunnydeized @halaboyz @chenleluvr @astro-doll-the-star @zynz0 @orangebl0ssoms - unable to tag

┊⋆ ˚✯✩. Songs to listen to while reading: Let Me In - Exo, It'll Be Ok - Yoandri, Fair-Weathered Friend - Bruno Major .✩✯⋆ ˚ ┊

Read this first! (The original fic this letter is intended for)

Daily click for Palestine | Learn more about Palestine

2024.08.25

Hi my love,

Keeho told me that you liked getting letters and I realized that throughout our relationship I haven’t really sat down to write you one and I’m sorry. I hope to change that, but it may be too late, isn't it? I don’t know but I love you so much. I don’t have an excuse for why I treated you so poorly and honestly I shouldn’t be making excuses. You deserve so much better and yet you chose to stay by my side. I could never thank you enough for being with me through thick and thin. Just your presence alone motivated me to continue my journey and work harder as a producer.

I wanted to say that I’m sorry for not being more present... which is ironic considering you’ve been there for me and yet I couldn’t return the gesture. Some boyfriend, right? Now that I’m thinking about it I should have done more for you. I should have put my work on pause  because let’s face it, it’s not like it would have hurt my career. The only reason I’m where I am today is because of you and the support you’ve given me.

That night should not have ended the way it did. I should have ran after to stop you from walking away. I should have fought more for our relationship. I don’t know why I just sat there, it was so stupid of me. You know Theo and Keeho nearly jumped me when I told them we had ended things. Theo called me an idiot and Keeho, well you know how he is. He said he’d throw out my music equipment if I didn’t do something. Babe, you don’t understand, he literally showed up at my studio everyday for a week to remind me.

All this to say that I love you so much. I miss our silly dates and the times you made me smile. Like that one time we both cried watching Up and when we both got lost in the middle of the night trying to find your apartment. I miss those times and I miss how you used to leave me meals in front of my studio with the sweetest notes (I keep them in a box under my bed) and how you always call me first when you have good news, not even Keeho. I miss when you’d fall asleep on my shoulder when we’d take the bus home from the studio and your little happy dances when you ate good food. God, I should probably stop, but I won’t. I don’t know how else to say this, but I am still so deeply in love with you.

When the time comes and if you give me another chance, I want to say how blessed I am to have you in my life. Who else am I going on my nature walks with? Who else enjoys hikes? Theo and Keeho said they’d rather be stuck doing my laundry rather than explore nature with me (maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point). I love sending you pictures of my hikes, the sky or animals because they remind me of how beautiful you are. Your beauty truly surpasses nature and I am so lucky to have had you in my life.

Until then, please continue to take care of yourself and know that I am always here for you.

Sincerely,

Your one and only Choi Jiung 

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

How the Bucci Gang Loves (as told by tarot)

tags: gn!reader, headcanons, tarot

a/n: when in writer’s block doubt, tarot headcanon your way out. so i decided to do some more for jjba while working on some fics for a series i really enjoy. in my journey of getting someone i know into jojo, mom2 has finally reached part 5 and she loves it so far. she finds the bucci gang pretty interesting and she loves that they are playing a song by black artists for the first ed. ofc... she seriously questions why they picked jodeci’s horniest song fdfdfsd (sorry mista, everyone gets 4 cards no exceptions lol)

deck: true black tarot

giorno giovanna

the moon, anant, nine of pentacles, the world

giorno isn’t one to buy into cliches and fanciful terms like soulmates or twin flames, but if those connections were to exist, he thinks you come very close to them. to let someone in and see the most intimate parts of himself and be allowed to see the most intimate parts of another person, it can’t be anything less than a bond that goes far beyond mortal comprehension. it can’t be helped either that he wants to spoil you. things you mentioned wanting in passing ー books, food, jewels ー giorno gets them unprompted and relishes the look of surprise and warmth on your face when he presents them to you. he worries from time to time that his position in the gang may land you in the crossfire of any external and internal conflicts passione has, but he vows to keep you safe and believes he is more than able to uphold that promise. marriage likely isn’t far from his mind with such a serious relationship, a proposal will definitely be made in accordance to your preferences once giorno feels that the time is right.

bruno bucciarti

temperance, ten of cups, destiny, seven of cups

bruno believes you’re the right match for him. whether you’re his opposite that somehow matches his personality or someone similar but who brings different perspectives to the table he never considered. he’s experienced loss but by overcoming that loss and continuing to move forward, bruno was able to meet you. there has been many ups and downs in his life since the divorce of his parents and his joining passione but bruno is thankful that his choices in life led to your meeting. his past is just more motivation for him to grow stronger to protect you. he lost his family but now he has the chance to make one with you and his most trusted crew by his side. like giorno, bruno hopes to marry you one day. he’s entertained many times to himself a domestic life with you. a nice house, a few kids if it’s in the cards and many happy moments in between. it’s something that is at the forefront of his mind if a meeting gets too boring and his mind begins to wander. but he is in no rush, content to enjoy whatever phase of your relationship you are currently in. 

leone abbacchio

three of swords, strength, knight of pentacles, the devil

call this man a heavy-weight boxing champion because abbacchio fought tooth and nail to remain in the depths of denial about his feelings for you when he started noticing them. someone like abbacchio doesn’t need a relationship, nor does he deserve one. but once unable to be willfully blind and it’s gotten through his thick skull you want him as much he wants you, abbacchio is a dedicated boyfriend. it doesn’t feel right sometimes, indulging in your relationship after everything he’s done. it feels entirely selfish and he wonders if one day he’ll get his comeuppance and this happiness he has will be taken away. but after a lot of pondering what he would do if that day were to ever come, abbacchio made his decision. just as he fought to deny his feelings for you, he’d fight even harder to keep you. maybe it is selfish and it may even be despicable to others that he would dare to be this happy after everything he’s done, but abbacchio will bear those labels defiantly.

guido mista

the empress, king of wands, za warudo, the sun

flirty he may be, mista is hopeless romantic and when he’s in a relationship the man is on cloud 9. you know, the team knows it and to be honest, the whole of napoli probably knows it. mista’s not ashamed to let the whole world know he’s taken by the most wonderful person ever. should you ever voice your embarrassment and insist he doesn’t have to tell the whole world you’re dating, mista insists you actually gave him the time of day and he isn’t taking that for granted. prepare for many whirlwind dates and finding yourself somewhere in naples you’ve never been, taking in the warm sun and the ocean-scented breeze. even if things somehow go pear-shaped, it’s the fact you went through it together that counts in his eyes. mista is a physical lover and he doesn’t hide it in how he constantly touches you. he likes you and he wants you, but he respects your boundaries and will move at whatever pace you want or will gladly keep his urges to himself for your comfort if it isn’t something you desire personally. for mista, what matters most is that you’re happy and comfortable. he’s a goofball but mista is lot more observant than he looks and is very in-tune to how you feel.

pannacotta fugo

ace of swords, anant, the magician, three of cups

when it comes to the question “who fell first and who fell the hardest”, you fell first and fugo the hardest. it takes a while to get through the walls of rationality and fear of hurting others with his blind rage, but once you do, you find a passionate lover behind it. you’re fugo’s friend always and his partner first and in many ways you help ground him. fugo doubts that his problems with the rage he struggles to keep in check will ever dissipate, but thoughts of you when he is close to snapping tends to help stave off his volatile reactions most of the time. fugo isn’t one to date casually and as such takes your relationship seriously. relationships are give-and-take and fugo does so equally. embarrassing he may find things like pda, if he knows you have a preference for it, he will accommodate those desires in earnest. he simply wants you to be happy and if there is anything you don’t find to your liking fugo urges you to tell him. he can’t rectify a problem if he isn’t aware of one in the first place. he shows his love rather than tells. 

narancia ghirga

eight of wands, the fool, the star, page of cups

narancia falls first and falls the hardest. narancia seldom hides from his emotions, nor does he hide them from othersー as such, your relationship is no exception. he loves you and you know it, he tells you everyday with his words and his actions. you’re probably his first love and he approaches romance with an air of child-like innocence. love is a new adventure and for narancia it is equally as exciting as it is anxiety-inducing. he wants to be with you all the time, but he doesn’t want to turn you off by being clingy. he wants to brag to the world about his awesome partner, but he doesn’t want you getting embarrassed by his bold declarations. in the end though, narancia just follows his heart and let’s everything else fall into place, hoping for the best. trusting others and being unquestionably loyal has gotten him into more grief than he can imagine, but it has also led him to the best people in his life. a pearl is the result of a mollusk defending itself against an irritant with nacre and that result is beautiful. so too are the experiences that make narancia himself. 

[jukeboxjackal]

Headcanon- Dating Jock! Carol Danvers

Carol Danvers x fem! Reader

A/n: Hey guys, hey guys. Haven’t been here in a while. If i’m not here, it’s either because of writers block, i don’t feel like it, low motivation, or just general laziness. But enjoy my first actual piece in a while though! I just write sometimes now lmfao

Ok ok so first of all, just in general information I feel like she is the softball captain. Reason being is softball is stereotypically a gay sport LMFAO but I guess it’s kind of right (I say this as a softball player and a friend haha) and I think she’d be utility playing either pitcher, catcher, or 3rd base

Anyways to follow with the last bullet, I feel like she would definitely have an undercut and show it almost allll the time. She also has a varsity letterman jacket that may or may not on the tag on the inside say: ‘Property of: Carol Danvers ⁺⁽ʸ/ⁿ⁾ ⁽ˡ/ⁿ⁾♡) You definitelyyyy did not write the second part

More in the popular crowd, whether you are too is up to you

Her arch-nemesis has got to be the volleyball captain Valkyrie. For one, they don’t get along and two, she so obviously has a thing for you

She’s usually hanging out with her friends in the halls or the courtyard, but when she sees you walk by she immediately goes to catch-up with you

She’s superr protective of you. When she’s walking with you she’s always holding your hand or she has an arm around you at all times. If anyone says anything even slightly snarky to you she’ll look them dead in the eye and say ‘Wanna repeat that?’

She also loves when you wear her clothes and especially her sports jackets, helps to show people that you’re hers

Her nicknames for you are the cliches, such as: Babe, baby, sweetheart, (Y/N/N), princess, and my lady/ girl. Whereas you like to call her: Care-bear (she acts like she hates it but you know she doesn’t), bubs, captain or cap, and baby

She does get jealous, but only when you’re clearly interested in the other person. Like when you were hanging out with that one ballet girl Natasha Romanoff who was teaching you but was also way too close to you and she told the dancer to back off

As much as I might get some hate for this, I do feel like she might have been a bit of a bully. Not in the way that she’d go out of her way to be mean to others but just to uphold a reputation. Like if she’s with her popular friends she’d snicker and make some snarky rude comment about a less-popular kid, but if you ever saw her do it she’d apologize to you and to the other secretly

She’s super sweet to you, always going over to your house and bringing you something whether it’s food or flowers

She usually gives you rides to and from school

Don’t forget about y’all’s after-game dates!

#6 on the field but #1 in your heart that’s for sure

If you were to also be on the softball team as well, she’d still treat you the same as the other girls (but behind closed doors that’s different) Like the one time where the team had lost a game and she made you guys do laps for every base you could have stolen but after that she took you out to eat and she apologized profusely

Make-out sessions in the locker room and the bleachers

If you don’t play, you still make sure to be at all of her games. Home or away, you find a way (ooh that rhymed)

Let’s not talk about that one time she was pitching and behind the cage she saw you talking to the opposing team member who had to use the bathroom

She’s your #1 gym buddy and vice-versa

Oh and she definitely said I love you first

Overall, she is the sweetest and you would consider her damn-near perfect. She definitely has her flaws but that’s with everyone. Your love is unmatchable.

Hey guys! Sorry if this wasn’t as straight to the point as my last headcanon was, but I just had a lot to say I guess lol. Anyways, I’ll probably come back to edit this in a few hours I just wanted to put something out for now. Until next time!

Thanks for reading! Feedback, requests, and inquiries are always appreciated and welcome!

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Who spoils who? Does their S/O tolerate it? Do they secretly enjoy it?

What's something that they don't really care for but tolerate because S/O has an interest?

Have they ever almost lost one another? How does it effect their relationship?

Hello! Sorry it took forever to respond. (OC relationship ask game here!)

Doing the couples canon to Part One.

55. Who spoils who? Does their S/O tolerate it? Do they secretly enjoy it?

Jazlyn/Ewan - Ewan absolutely spoils Jazlyn, and Jazlyn loves the attention.

Wade/Teo - They are both the type to spoil each other, so it depends on your definition of it, I think. Teo is more likely to shower Wade with spoils, but is more needy than Wade, and Wade is more likely to be a touch overbearing. I guess Teo?

Gwen/Akash - They're kinda the opposite of the previous. Neither are the type to spoil. They're just committed and take their relationship seriously. I guess Akash slightly because he's insecure and Wants To Make Sure Gwen Is Happy At All Times even though she's happy just being with him.

54. What's something that they don't really care for but tolerate because S/O has an interest?

Jazlyn/Ewan - Jazlyn likes music just fine, but not music theory. However, if Ewan wants to run a song he's working on by her, she's more than happy to listen to what he has to say and do, and she'll binge a show with him even though she'd rather be Doing something. Ewan also isn't the biggest fan of clubs or loud parties, but he's definitely gonna go to one if Jazlyn wants to go. Or if she wants to volunteer at a comedy show, he'll go up with her.

Wade/Teo - Teo does not like football but goes to all of Wade's games. He also allows Wade to make a pretty schedule for them. Wade isn't a D&D or LARPing person, but Teo is, so he'll definitely join him with that.

Gwen/Akash - Akash isn't a hiker or a museum person, but he'll join Gwen on a date that she'll remember. Gwen doesn't love watching sports, but she'll sit down and watch every baseball and soccer game of the seasons if Akash wants to.

84. Have they ever almost lost one another? How does it effect their relationship?

Uhhhhh

First of all, wrong effect. It's affect. Effect is a noun. Affect is a verb. Glad we're on the same page.

Alright I'll stop being a dick. I'm stalling.

Let's pretend this is hypothetical :)

Jazlyn/Ewan - Jazlyn would try to move on and pretend she's fine but fail miserably. Ewan would feel like his life lost meaning. Going forward, Jazlyn would get more overprotective of Ewan and more reckless than she already is. Ewan would also be clingy and overbearing and get a little shorter with Jazlyn, just to make sure she stays out of danger.

Wade/Teo - Wade would be fueled like a stereotypical male assassin protagonist whose wife was killed in the first five minutes of the movie. He might neglect all responsibilities and needs in order to bring whomever harmed Teo to justice. Teo would be driven to figure out what happened, perhaps being in denial of what's going on, and keep going through sheer willpower to bring people to...well, justice, again, they think alike. Going forward, they'd mourn what they lost but never let each other go again.

Gwen/Akash - Gwen would make her new purpose in life Akash. Akash would become her drive, her motivation, her fire burning inside spreading outward. She may lock herself away from others to make sure she made the system change for Akash's benefit, she's going to turn the place upside down to make sure that Akash is avenged. Akash on the other hand would probably lose all motivation if something happened to Gwen. He'd shut down. Their relationship would be on hold as they went through their own internal shit about losing each other, but they'd recover eventually.

Woo that was a lot. Thanks for the ask and for the wait! Not that you had a choice in the latter lol

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

[jasntodds]

Caving In [16]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 11,998

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon violence, blood, mentions of injuries (bruising, being shot with a tranquilizer), more yelling

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: We see Jason again this chapter, I promise!! Also, hi, next chapter is the last chapter of book 1 lmao there will be a 1 week break between this book and book 2 because I have chapters for book 2 done lol I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​​​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

After the next few hours, Gar and you keep up with city surveillance cameras but you haven't been able to spot Conner or Krypto. Your best guess is that they're probably in some secluded alley waiting for things to calm down before they start moving.  It's a bit disappointing and disheartening. You and Gar need to find him and bring them back to the tower. It's not safe for them out there alone.

With no luck at the cameras, you convince Gar to come to the kitchen to have a snack. Neither of you have eaten in a while and you won't be useful if you're hungry. Gar reluctantly agrees but he pulls up the news on a laptop as he paces back and forth, you rummaging for a few granola bars. Gar tries to call Dick again but still gets his voicemail.

"Why isn't he answering?" Gar asking, words steaming with annoyance.

"Guilt?" You question, tossing Gar a granola bar from the other side of the counter. "I have no idea. Call Bruce again?"

"Uh...right, um." Gar rubs the back of his neck and you narrow your eyes at him.

He neglected to tell you that he did not call Bruce when he said he would. He went to call but then hung up before the call went through. Conner was your best chance at getting the Titans back together. He just wants them back, they belong together. They’re Titans. But, he knew you would probably be mad if he told you. You and Gar had one job.

"Gar, did you not call him?" You blink at him, sucking on your teeth.

Gar shakes his head, wincing. "Conner woke up and I thought if we called Bruce, he'd take Conner away and then we'd never get the Titans back to together."

You stare at him and you can't believe he was that desperate to lie and then not do what Dick told him to do. You know the Titans mean a lot to him but he should have called. This was probably part of why Dick wanted you to call Bruce. The two of you are not equipped to deal with this and what just happened proves that. But, Gar is beating himself up enough for it and you aren’t going to beat a dead horse. Especially because it’s Gar.

“Okay.” You let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing your face with your hands. “Okay, I’ll call Bruce then.”

“But we lost him. How are we--”

“Gar,” You shake your head. “Look, it’s Bruce Wayne. He raised Dick fucking Grayson and took Jason fucking Todd in who was stealing from the Batmobile, okay? He solves riddles from the Riddler. Us losing Conner? That’s child’s play. Bruce will know what to do.” You swallow your pride admitting Bruce might be kind of helpful right now and he might not yell at either of you for it. This can’t be worse than anything Dick and Jason have put him through.

“I’m really sorry.” Gar's brows knit together with guilt and you hang your head before looking back to him. You can't let him beat himself for it.

“It’s fine, I get it.” You sigh. “I just wish you would have told me. But, it’s okay. I get why you did it. I’ll call Bruce and we’ll find him.” You walk over to the other side of the counter and put your hands on his shoulders. “We got this.” You give him a confident smile and it does make him feel a little bit better.

You take your hands off him and just as you’re about to walk away, the alarm system goes off for zone two. Gar glances to you before going to the laptop and pulling up the intercom feed from the front door.

“Hello? Who's there?” Gar asks annoyed, not seeing anyone. You look over his shoulder, just seeing the buildings across the street.

Krypto jumps up on the screen and barks. You smile widely, already making your way toward the elevator. Gar follows right behind you, feeling a little bit of relief. At least Krypto is back and he can lead you both back to Conner.

You and Gar follow Krypto through the city, keeping up with him at an even pace. You almost laugh to yourself as you walk because this is kind of like Lassie. You're literally following a dog to find someone who's lost. But, Krypto is cooler than Lassie. He's a superdog. Gar, on the other hand, is just relieved you'll be able to get Conner and come back to the tower. He swears he'll be calling Bruce when you get back. He should have done it yesterday but he can make up for it now.

After about a fifteen-minute walk, Krypto runs ahead of you and Gar, jumping on someone in a trench coat. Gar feels the weight immediately lift from his shoulders. That's definitely Conner. You’re a bit surprised it was actually that easy to find him. But, you’re definitely feeling like you got lucky that no one had recognized him from the news.

"Great, dumbest dog ever." Conner says, looking down as Krypto sits right in front of him.

"He can ring a doorbell with his nose." Gar smiles softly at Conner as he walks up, you right to his left. "I've seen dumber."

"He brought Eve to the tower to find you, came to get us, found you again. Give him a little credit." You let out a soft laugh as you walk over to Krypto, patting his head gently.

Conner deadpans at the two of you, clearly not in the mood for anything. "Stay away from me." Conner states before walking off.

You look to Gar as his face falls. How is Conner possibly mad at the two of you? Sure, you were not specific with the Titan's instructions but he went rogue. It's at that moment you get why Dick was so angry at you and Jason, twice. You swear that thought will never see the light of day.

You and Gar start walking after Conner, taking long strides to keep up with him.

"What you did to those cops...you messed things up for a lot of people, including us." Gar says as you catch up to Conner. "I think we deserve an answer. What the hell happened?" You look to Gar and you’re proud of him for standing up himself. He doesn't do it nearly enough.

"When you invited me to be a Titan, I told you what I was. But you didn't listen cause that's not what you wanted to hear." Conner’s voice sounds hurt.

"You're right." Gar moves forward, standing in front of Conner so all of you come to a stop. "I didn't listen. Being a Titan isn't about being perfect. I..." Gar sucks in a breath, his voice lowering. "I killed a guy once. And I clawed him to pieces."

You remember after Jerry, Gar has said something about how he had killed someone and that must be what he's referring to. You didn't really ask, it didn't seem like something he wanted to talk about but given the look of distress on his face, you’re thinking maybe you should have. But, Gar is right. None of the Titans are perfect, and Conner doesn't have to be either. Being a Titan isn't about being perfect, it's about helping people who can't help themselves.

"So, maybe we should both be locked up." Conner states.

"Hey," You chime in. "No, that's not how it works. We all fuck up." You state, moving to stand beside Gar so you can look up at Conner. "You hurt those cops because you didn't know any better but everyone is capable of learning from their mistakes. Gar did what he had to survive. I nearly beat a guy to death for torturing me. We fuck up and then we work through it with each other. That's how it works."

Gar offers you a kind and grateful smile before looking back at Conner. "She's right. When we mess up, we learn from it with each other and so can you." Gar lets out a breath. "What we do...other people count on us to help them."

"Well, they shouldn't." Conner fires back.

"Why not? If you wanna argue about it, I'll argue." You cross your arms over your chest. "We can help them." You haven't actually been able to given Dick not letting any of you but that's the idea. "We have these abilities that we choose to use for good. Who you are has nothing to do with who your parents are. That's all you and you can choose to be good."

"And you two still hurt other people by choosing to be good." Conner strikes back and your eyes narrow. 

But, before Gar or you can try reasoning more with Conner further, Krypto starts barking. The three of you look where Krypto is barking, seeing a dark grey armored vehicle show up with a CADMUS decal on the door. Those are the people who are looking for Conner and Krypto and you start getting a bad feeling about this.

"You guys have to get out of here, now." Conner states, lightly pushing Gar's chest before he starts walking confidently towards the vehicle.

You and Gar are quick to catch up to him. Gar runs in front of him, putting his hands on Conner's chest to stop him.

"No, no, no!" Gar's words rush together. "Do you really want to hurt someone else?" He asks as the three of you come to a stop.

"You can choose to walk away, Conner." You state.

Conner looks between you, jaw clenched. But, he doesn't start to move forward.

"Come on!" Gar taps Conner's shoulder and the three of you start running, Krypto running slightly in front of you.

The four of you run back to the tower, hoping CADMUS didn't notice you or follow you. You hope you lost them. You kept looking over your shoulder, checking but you’re pretty sure you lost them when you took a shortcut down an alley and cut across to a second one. That's the last you remember seeing them but there is a part of you that starts to worry about it.

They're looking for Conner. They're going to keep looking for him. Gar and you are not equipped to deal with that on your own. You’re worried for Conner. If anyone knows what it's like to be held against their will, it would be you. It's CADMUS and they made him which means it was probably torture. The anxiety creeps into the back of your throat but you have to swallow it down as you get out of the elevator. This isn't about you. This is about keeping Conner safe.

“Hey, you know they’re just gonna keep coming after me, right?” Conner asks as he sets his coat down on one of the table chairs.

Gar grabs three drinks from one of the shelves in the kitchen while you take a seat at one of the barstools.

“Let them try.” Gar states, putting the drinks down in front of you.

“We’re always gonna help.” You add in. You wouldn’t risk someone being subjected to what you were.

“This is my mess, not yours.” Conner states.

“This is what the Titans do.” Gar urges, leaning his arms on the counter, facing you and Conner.

“We protect people, including our own.” You give Conner a nod.

The words still feel a little sour in your mouth. That's what you're supposed to do but it doesn't feel like that's the case. You keep that to yourself though. It's not fair to argue that right now. Giving Conner this rundown of the shit that happened a few days ago isn't going to help anyone or anything or this situation. You decide just to back Gar up on this.

“Exactly, we have each other’s backs.” Gar smiles proudly before walking back off to the pantry.

“So, where are they? The other Titans.” Conner asks and you spin on your chair, facing away from Conner and towards Gar. That's all for Gar to explain.

“You know what,” Gar pauses for a second. “Maybe I should do what Dick wanted me to do in the first place.” Gar walks back of the pantry and pulls out his phone.

“Yes, yes you should.” You nod your head. This is gonna be a big mess if he doesn’t get ahold of Bruce. You cannot take CADMUS.

“Call in the big guns.”

“We’re gonna use guns?” Conner asks, a little worry in his voice.

“No, it’s just a metaphor. Calling Bruce Wayne.” Gar says with a smile.

“You are calling him, right?” You raise your brows at Gar and Gar nods softly at you, typing into his phone.

“Yeah, we need him.” Gar states and he starts to walk away but then there’s a security alert.

“Zone six, unauthorized access.” The automated voice says through the tower and Gar pauses, looking back at you.

“What’s that?” Conner asks.

“Zone six is the roof.” Gar's voice is filled with confusion.

"Why does it have to be roof?" You let out an exasperated whine. You’re really starting to hate rooftops.

The three of you look around, as if unsure what you should do but before you and Gar can check the security cameras, the floor-to-ceiling windows shatter. You lean away, dodging the glass. Gar takes a few steps further away and Conner flinches away from the windows. People in all black with guns start to storm the tower.

They repel through the windows and start coming in through the hall leading to the training room. You jump up from your spot, moving away from them, meeting Gar and Conner at the very end of the counter. Krypto starts barking as he runs in to join you. Gar puts his hands up, not knowing what the hell else to do with guns pointed directly at him.

Krypto starts barking and won’t stop while the men say to shut him up. Before they can act though, Krypto uses his superspeed and jumps onto one of the men, tackling him to the ground. Unfortunately, another man shoots a net with glowing green orbs at the ends right at Krypto and captures him. Conner jumps into action with the sound of Krypto whimpering.

This cannot be happening. The tower is supposed to be safe. It’s supposed to be secure but now you’re being stormed by fucking CADMUS. You feel your mouth run dry and this can’t be happening. They’re going to take Conner and probably kill you and Gar. How does this shit keep happening? But, now is not the time to panic so you watch them carefully, the throbbing hasn’t started yet but you’re sure it’s going to.

Conner punches two men at the same time, sending them flying backward and onto the floor. Two men start to walk towards you and Gar, Gar still having his hands up. You look to Gar and you’re thinking the same thing. Do or die. You nod at him and Gar attacks on of the men, grabbing his gun and then yanking him by his head, into the wall while you grab the other man.

You grab the gun, shoving the gun into him with all of your force before using it as momentum to swing him around into the kitchen area. You twist the gun around, as the man loses his grip and use the weapon to drag him further to your level. You bring your knee up to knee him in the face before landing a hit to the back of his neck, sending him to the floor.

You and Gar look at each other with pride before the throbbing starts kicking in, right in the front of your head. Your eyes widened and you grab Gar by his jacket, yanking him down behind the center counter and to the floor just as another man starts shooting at the two of you.

“Thanks.” Gar says, breathing heavily.

“Got you.” You offer a nervous smile. The throbbing has moved to the side of your head where more men have started shooting and Conner is still dealing with a few others. “Got a plan?”

“I’ll distract them so you can move.” Gar rushes his words, ripping his jacket from his shoulders while his face turns green. “Keep fighting.”

You look above you seeing the block with all of the kitchen knives. You crawl to the left of Gar so you’re right under where the knives are, Gar fully transformed now. Gar walks out from the counter, growling at one of the men before he jumps on him. You take that as your chance to stand up, and immediately start grabbing knives. The throbbing starts coming from the back of your head and slightly to right. In a swift motion, you spin, hitting one of the men whose gun is aimed right at you. You hit him right where his neck peaks out of his protective gear. He drops to the ground, holding the wound where blood starts spraying out of it.

You take the knives, moving towards where Gar is to make sure he’s doing okay. Gar still has a guy pinned as a few more men come in, all aiming guns at you, Gar, and Conner and the throbbing intensifies, right in the front of your head but you’ve been training for this. You start throwing the knives with everything in you, one right after the other, hitting two men and they go to the ground but the throbbing switches to the side and it's all starting to mush together as you catch a glimpse of Gar slowly moving away from the man on the ground and he looks hurt. Two men are moving to either side of the counter to surround you so you throw your last knife at the guy to the right, turning to fight the other one.

You take the first swing but he uses the gun to hit you away, the butt of the gun connecting with the side of your face. Before you can regain your footing, you feel a hard hit to your right leg. You try to fight through it, trying to grab the gun from this man as well but he yanks it away and the world starts spinning around you. You sway slightly before going to the floor with a heaving breath.

You drag yourself up against the counters facing the windows, while your heart rate starts to slow. Your vision is blurry and warped as you look in front of you. Gar is leaning against the opposite counter with a heaving chest, no longer in tiger form. They shot him, too and there's a bloody handprint right before his head. This can't be happening. It can't be happening. You have to save him.

You look to your leg. There's a dart sticking out of your leg and you know that's not good but there's no real panic happening. You should be panicking, getting an extra boost of adrenaline, but it's like your entire body is shutting down, the adrenaline won't kick in. You pick up your arm to pull it out and your arm feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. It takes you a few tries to get your arm to line up with the dart. It's like your brain isn't quite connecting with your body and it's frustrating but eventually, you’re able to pull the dart out of your leg.

Gar looks to you and you lost. He was shot with a tranquilizer and he can't do anything to help. He's stuck here and you are so in over your heads. Everything is so heavy and it's hard to breathe. Gar can barely keep himself up right and he's watching you struggle to breathe in front of him. He really messed up this time. And he's fucking scared. They're gonna kill you both.

A woman comes in with more men, they walk in through the elevator and her voice sounds distorted to you as your eyelids grow heavier. You’re wheezing with every breath, trying to look over to Conner. You get a hazy glimpse of him just standing there. You have no clue what the hell is going on but what you do know, is that you are so screwed. And no matter how badly you want to get up and keep fighting, your legs won't work. Your arms are too heavy to lift and it feels like you’re in a fever dream. Every second is a struggle as the woman keeps talking and finally, you’re body gives out to the tranquilizer.

You don’t come to until the following day. You’re in the same spot you were before and your head still feels heavy and foggy. At first, you just feel a little disoriented and confused. For just a second, you forget what happened last night, aren’t sure why you’re on the floor in the kitchen. Your right leg where you were shot with the tranquilizer is sore. Your breathing is ragged while you look around slowly. But confusion clouds your mind as you look around slowly seeing broken glass and blood around you. And that’s when everything starts to become clear.

Gar, Conner, Krypto. Tranquilizer darts. Guns. Fighting.

A sense of panic washes over you as you look at the spot in front of your where you last saw Gar, the bloody handprint staring directly at you. Your head starts to throb, but not for fighting, just from a normal headache. You know Gar wouldn’t leave you here if he were still here and your heart breaks. They took him. They took all three of them and left you for dead. But you can’t focus on that, you need to get help. So, you start to get up.

You place your hands on the cool floor beneath you and push up. Your arms feel like limp spaghetti but you push through it. Tranquilizers are just an anesthetic and you know the more you come to, it’ll start to wear off. You need to just find a way to push through it. You lean forward, grabbing the counter for support as you lift yourself up, groaning as your leg feels like it has the worst Charlie horse of the century. You keep pressure off it as you get fully to your feet, your heart thundering through your ears. The whole room feels off and it’s starting to make your nauseous. 

You groan and pull out of your phone from your pocket. Your vision takes a second to focus on the screen as you go to your recent text thread, hitting the call button.

“Hey, it’s Jason. Leave a message or don’t.”

“Seriously, Jay? Answer your damn phone.” You huff into the phone. “The fucking was attacked. I’m hurt and CADMUS took Gar, Conner, and Krypto. Call me.” You hang up the phone, rolling your eyes before you start texting him.

You: Gar kidnapped, hurt, check your voicemail shithead

You let out a sigh and pull up Dick’s contact whose voicemail is now full. You grit your teeth before letting out a scoff. You pull up Kory’s number and that goes to voicemail. What is with these people? Can’t anyone answer a phone? Everyone has their phone attached to their hip, constantly on it but now there’s an emergency, everyone conveniently can’t answer? You grow more annoyed as you start making your way through all of the Titans. Donna, Dawn, Hank. You even try Rachel and not a single one of them can answer the phone either.

You nearly chuck your phone across the room. What the fuck are you supposed to do if you can’t get ahold of anyone to help? The boys could be getting tortured or killed right now and you’re stuck here, no backup. You’re all alone and hurt. The panic sets in as your hands start to shake and tears burn the back of your eyes. Your nose grows warm and you have no idea what you’re supposed to do. Your breathing quickens as the room starts to spin. You can’t do this on your own.

But, then your phone starts ringing, Donna’s name appearing on the screen.

"Hey—"

"Where are you?" You rush your words, wiping your eyes with your sleeve. "I need help, Gar was kidnapped with Conner and Krypto. Dick isn't answering the phone."

"Slow down, what happened?" Donna stops, looking around the street.

"Gar, Conner, and Krypto were kidnapped. We were attacked last night by the people looking of Conner." Your throat feels raw like sandpaper.

"Where are you?" Donna starts walking quickly.

"Still in the tower, they used s tranquilizer on me? I guess I don't know. I just came to."

"Stay there, do not move. I'm on my way."

"Thank you." You let out a breath, the smallest bit of relief coming over you. At least Donna called back.

You pocket your phone and you need to get yourself straightened out. You'll explain everything to Donna but you want to be ready for whatever Donna will come with to help them. You have to be ready.

You limp over to the fridge and grab a bottle of water, taking a few sips of it to ease the cotton mouth. The water is cool and helps perk you up a little bit. It helps the panic subside a little as you take a few deep breaths before you start limping to your room.

You grab new clothes to change into, getting a look at the damage a tranquilizer dart can cause. There's a deep bruise covering the majority of your thigh and you wince at the sight of it, understanding why it actually hurts to walk. It sucks and it hurts, but you’re honestly relieved that's all there is. Tranquilizers used for wildlife, something like a tiger for example, can kill people. You’re not really sure what type they used or the dosage, but you feel lucky to not be dead right about now.

While you change and grab your knives, you can't help but feel the guilt seep into your bloodstream like an infection. It's there and tugging at every part of you. You had them. You were holding your own just fine and you got that glimpse of Gar. That split second and it made you pause. You should have been able to take the last two. You should have been able to help Gar. And the more you think about it, you should have used your powers.

You were just so scared to use them. A part of you think the only reason you’re even still here right now is because they didn't know you have powers. Gar does. He made it obvious and maybe that's why they left you for dead but not him. And you think you should have tried because trying is better than nothing. You could have made a barrier around you and Gar, around the counter of some sort, maybe. You could have done something to try and protect all of you. And the more you think about it, the more the anxiety creeps in like the reaper waiting for you to finally cave in. Because, you think they would have taken you, too if you used your powers and you would have been held captive three fucking times. You don't think you would survive a round three. And you should have been able to save Gar, regardless.

The guilt is suffocating.

Donna comes up the elevator two hours later. You’re sitting in the living room, an ice pack to your leg while your phone is glued to your hand. Your eyes are trained on the text thread with Jason, several of your messages fill the screen from the last few hours. You chew the inside of your cheek and flip to Dick’s text thread, it looks similar to Jason’s.

“Y/n?” Donna calls with hesitance.

“Here.” You call, your voice flat.

Donna walks over, looking around the tower and seeing glass, blood, and knives covering the floor. “Are you okay?” Donna gets a look at the bruise across the right side of your face as you look up at her.

“Yeah.” You nod, keeping it short. “We have to save Gar. And Conner and Krypto. I’m fine.”

“What even happened?” Donna looks to the windows, every single one of them shattered.

“They came in through the windows first, started attacking. I don’t know. We had the alert for the roof but they came in before we could do anything.” You shrug, grabbing the ice pack as you stand up.

“And they took them but not you?”

You shrug once more and you get a distant look in your eyes. “Guess so, I, uh, I didn’t use my powers. Maybe that’s why. It’s CADMUS, we saw them earlier when we were out.”

“You saw CADMUS and you and Gar didn’t call anyone?” Donna almost yells.

You narrow your eyes. The last thing you want right now is to be told you fucked up. You’re very well aware of that right now. “Does it fucking matter? They were here within ten minutes of getting back and none of you answer your fucking phones anyway.” You let out a scoff and you hang your head for a second. “We tried.” You look back at Donna and Donna lets out a sigh.

“Okay,” Donna runs a hand through her hair before putting a hand on her hip. “You’re positive it was CADMUS?”

“That’s what the truck said and some woman came in. I don’t know what she was saying. They shot me with a tranquilizer so I was out of it. But, we have to save them. Who knows what fuckshit they’re doing to them.”

Donna pauses for a second and if it’s CADMUS, the two of you are gonna need some help. The others aren’t answering your calls and to be fair, the last time you all spoke, you were screaming at most of them. But, that’s not an excuse and Donna knows something is up. She hasn’t been able to reach Dick either.

“You’re gonna think of a plan, right?” You ask and there’s a hopefulness to your voice as you knit your brows together. As upset as you are with the Titans, Donna showed up and she looks worried. You have no choice but to rely on her.

“Yeah,” Donna nods. “I’ll start calling and trying to get some backup, we’ll need it.” You give Donna a soft nod while Donna pulls out her phone.

Before Donna can start making calls, she gets a phone call herself. You watch her carefully as Donna answers. Her brows knit together as she says Rachel’s name and you nearly roll your eyes. Not because it’s Rachel but because by the way Donna said her name, there’s something else happening. Everything is really crumbling around you right now.

“Rachel?”

“I think she’s in trouble?” Donna questions. “Have you heard from her?”

You blink at Donna. “Nope.” You pop the ‘p’. “Haven’t spoken to her since that day.”

“Right,” Donna sighs. “Well, we’ll need backup anyway so…we have to go help her.”

You let out a sigh, looking up and then back to Donna. “What about Gar? We know for sure he’s in trouble.”

“We can’t just walk into CADMUS by ourselves. We need help. Come on.” Donna turns on her heels, walking towards the elevator.

You let out a groan but limp quickly after Donna, catching up to her. You aren’t a big fan of the idea but Donna might have a point. If the four of you last night were no match for CADMUS, you and Donna won’t stand a chance even entering the front entrance. You hate it because Gar is in trouble right now and you going after Rachel means that’s more time CADMUS has with Gar. But, you’re given no choice in this matter and all you can do is follow Donna to the car and hope you’ll have some sort of plan to save Gar.

You and Donna start your drive to some place called Elko Diner and the ride is quiet. You keep your stare out of the window, thinking. You replay last night over and over, picking apart everything you could have done better. It’s not making you feel any better, you’re pretty sure it’s making you feel worse which at this point, a part of you thinks you deserve.

Donna glances over at you a few times, the silence between you feeling a little unsettling. In the short time you were at the tower together before everything went to shit, she heard you talk a lot. You were always talking to either Gar or Jason but you’ve been silent for an hour. Donna gets it, beating yourself up over everything that went wrong.

“You know it’s not your fault, right?” Donna finally asks.

You snap your attention to Donna. “Mhm, yeah, just…” You let out a scoff. “Wasn’t enough again.”

“You guys didn’t stand a chance against CADMUS. There was nothing else you could do. We’ll get the boys back.”

“Yeah.” Your word is short and quick. “Hope so.” You chew the inside of your cheek and you aren’t going to talk about the inner workings of your head with Donna. This is a three-hour drive to this diner. You can’t sit in complete silence the entire way so you’re going to try and talk this shit out. You’re going to have to trust Donna which means talking and letting some shit go.

“You were wrong, by the way. About Jason.” You change the subject, putting the spotlight on Donna.

“You’re still going on about that.” Donna lets out a sigh.

“Obviously.” You roll your eyes. “It was Rose. Gar and me found the footage and it was her. Like I said, not Jason. And I needed you to know that.”

“Rose? How did she even know any of that?”

“Her dad, apparently. She’s been working with him the whole time so all of us got played.” You look over to Donna who looks completely lost. “It’s a long story but yeah, that’s a thing. We don’t know how he knew anything though but…ya know.”

“Guess I owe the more annoying Robin an apology.”

“You all do.” You state, rolling your eyes.

“Hey, who else would have been?” Donna tries to defend herself.

“Doesn’t matter, he went to the roof and was gonna jump off but you’re all so self-absorbed that none of you cared to even offer an apology. Dick hurt your feelings so you got mad, fine but you all should have been nicer to Jason. His feelings and innocence were never any concern of yours.”

“We aren’t self-absorbed.” Donna lets out a scoff. “You don’t know us well enough to even have that opinion.”

“You made it obvious. If anyone would have done that shit, they wouldn’t have deserved to feel the way Jason did. It hurt your feelings what Rose did and that’s valid, but it never should have led Jason to the roof. Even now, you’re defending your distaste towards Jason when I’m telling you how he felt. Self-absorbed.” You look over at Donna with raised brows.

Donna clenches her jaw and maybe there is a point to be made with what you’re saying.

“Okay.” Donna says reluctantly. “We all could have handled it better. We owe him an apology.” Donna glances to you who still looks displeased. “He’s not….that…bad.”

You let out a laugh with Donna trying to get the words out in a single sentence. “He isn’t, he kind of reminds me of Dick sometimes. I think that’s why they butt heads so fucking much. But, yeah, you should apologize and kiss his ass.”

Donna scrunches her nose at the thought. “I am not kissing his ass.”

“It would be funny.”

“To who?”

“To me. I need a good laugh.” You let out a breath.

“I am sorry. You’re not Jason but…I’m sorry.” Donna glances to you for just a second.

“Thank you.”

You look in front of you and you let it go. Gar comes back into your thoughts and you worry all over again. You hate worrying so much. It’s exhausting and it clouds everything else in your mind. You can’t focus on worrying about him when you still have a two-hour drive ahead of you. You don’t have a plan. You have nothing right now. So, you try your best to push the guilt down and the thoughts of Gar away and start asking Donna questions about missions and the rope. You figure that might actually be a good distraction and maybe one of the stories will spark some sort of idea to help you save the boys.

You and Donna finally get to the diner, exiting the vehicle. You both take a second to look at the outside. It's in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farmland. You’re beginning to think this is the beginning to a bad Children Of The Corn movie. It's a bit unsettling and the diner looks rundown, old. But, Donna looks at you, jerking her head towards the diner before you both start walking and head inside. You're met with not only Rachel but Kory and Dawn as well. You look at everyone, already confused as to what the hell is going on here. How did they all know to meet up here?

"Is this real or am I going crazy?" Kory asks.

You look at Donna. "Am I still high?" You let out a huff, everyone snapping their attention to you.

"Tranquilizer, long story." Donna adds in.

There's a short pause before Dawn nods. "This is definitely real."

"Why are you following me?" Rachel's voice is snippy and annoyed as she looks at Donna. Now that's also weird. What the fuck is happening?

"Following—what? You called me and told me to come here." Donna states.

"No, I didn't." Rachel looks to you. "Why are you here?"

"Called Donna for help then you called Donna, I was there." You give Rachel a look of pure annoyance.

"My check engine light went out." Dawn states before looking at Kory. "Kory?"

"I'm just here for the donuts." Kory shakes her head.

Just then, the door opens again and everyone turns to see who could possibly be walking into this diner now. Your jaw about hits the floor as everyone else looks at the man who's dressed nicely.

"Bruce?" Donna asks.

"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne." You let out a chuckle. "I'm definitely still high." Donna gives you a disapproving look.

"I'm so glad you all could make it." Bruce says.

All of you gather around, taking seats at different tables. You sit on one of the tabletops behind Kory, just looking past her to see Bruce. You all take turns filling Bruce in as to what's happened over the last few weeks. You all fill him in about Dick and Deathstroke, the events that lead to you and Jason being held captive as well as the detail to that. Bruce sits with one leg over the other, carefully listening to everything the five of you have to say.

"This is troubling news." Bruce says. "And no Conner or Gar?"

"No." Donna answers sadly.

"CADMUS has them." You state. "They attacked last night."

"What?" Kory gets a look of sadness as she looks at you.

"Hence the bruise." You gesture around it.

"I am aware of what's happened to all of you. And I...I'm sorry." Bruce states. "Lies can tears a family apart and hope been living in the aftermath of that. And it's a...lonely place to be. But this was a...this is...a family of choice. Breaking apart was a choice. In the light of this news, I'm asking you to make another one. To come together. Walking away from bad feelings is easy. It's much harder to take the blow, and come back for more, but that's what a family does. If you can unite, you can face any threat. But if darkness arrives while you're still cast apart, I truly believe that none of you will survive.." Bruce pauses as he stands up, the whole room growing eerie. " If you won't protect one another, who will?" Bruce asks with a nod before grabbing a biscuit and leaving the five of you to yourselves.

"That was fucking morbid." You mutter, understanding why Jason and Dick are so pessimistic right about now.

"Did he just leave?" Donna asks.

"Yup." Dawn answers.

"So, let's get this straight. Bruce Wayne somehow miraculously arranged for us all to meet in this diner in the middle of nowhere to mansplain us into putting the Titans back together?" Kory asks.

"Yup." Dawn answers as she gets up and puts her coat on. "I think that's exactly what just happened." Dawn lets out an exasperated sigh.

You’ve never met Bruce Wayne, you only know about him. He's always seemed a little weird to you but right now, that proves that thought. He just organized for all of you to get together, somehow. Gave you some weird ass speech and then leaves. He doesn't actually offer any help or anything. Just leaves.

Suddenly, there's a sound of static coming from the front of the diner. All of you get up and head to the front. You see an old TV, static on the screen before it switches to a news report.

"Today's top story. Two men escape Kane Jail, apparently aided by imprisoned Detroit police detective Dick Grayson. More details on this story and more on our next news update."

"That sure explains a lot." You let out a scoff. "He left us to get himself arrested."

"I'm sure he didn't do on purpose." Rachel snaps.

You roll your eyes in Rachel’s direction before looking to Donna.

"You got to be fucking kidding me." Donna states, her voice annoyed. She shakes her head and jerks it towards the door. "Let's go, Y/n."

"Finally." You let out a breath and follow Donna right on her heels out of the diner, the other women close behind.

"Donna, wait." Rachel calls.

"Troy, where are you going?" Kory asks.

"Back to San Francisco." Donna turns around to face them, you following suit.

"To save Gar and Conner." You quip.

"No, we need to save Dick." Rachel argues, stopping Donna before she can turn around and keep walking.

"Dick's on his own." Donna yanks her arm back.

"What is wrong with you?" Rachel asks.

"Me? Look, I know Dick Grayson, okay?" Donna starts. "He put himself up on that cross. Nailed himself to it. Now he's gonna have to take himself down, too."

"Donnas right. Whatever Dick's doing, he's doing to himself." Dawn agrees with Donna.

“He saved your life, Y/n!” Rachel turns it to you, knowing she won’t get anywhere with other women.

“Okay?” You shrug. “And Gar is like, important and didn’t get himself kidnapped on purpose so? You’re on your own here, buddy.”

“He saved us!” Rachel grows angrier with your response.

“Who the fuck cares!?” You snap. It doesn’t matter that Dick saved you. Gar needs your help.

“You should. You want to let him rot away in federal prison?” Rachel’s voice is offended this time.

“Yeah, kind of, Rachel.” You state with ease.

“How can you say that!?” Rachel yells. “He’s done so much for us!”

You roll your eyes. Yes, Dick has done a lot for all of you. But, so has Gar. Dick saved your life but Gar is your best friend. Gar is there for you and you’re there for him. Dick did this to himself. The choice is easy.

“Okay, guys—“ Kory tries to break it up.

“Dude, I, from the bottom of my heart, could not give less of a flying fuck right now.” You nearly breaks out into a fit of laughter. You’re so flabbergasted that Rachel is actually choosing Dick right now.

“How can you say that?” Rachel’s brows pull together as if she’s hurt by what you said.

“With ease, actually.” You quip, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly.

“We’re saving him, you don’t get a say,” Rachel crosses her arms over her chest and you’re done. This is ridiculous and you were already mad at her but this is the edge.

First of all, Rachel is not your keeper. Rachel doesn’t get to decide what you do or don’t do. And second, this isn’t her decision. Rachel doesn’t get to control what everyone else gets to do. Donna is with you on this one and you kind of want to see Rachel try to stop you.

You limp closer to her, getting in her face. “Fuck Dick Grayson and fuck you for being his fucking lap dog all the damn time. You know, I defended you a lot against Jason but I get it now.” You give Rachel a sinister laugh. “It doesn’t matter what Dick does because you’ll always be up his ass. He dropped us from a fucking skyscraper, he left me and Gar in charge of some random ass dude knowing people would be looking to hunt him down as if we had any business dealing with that alone. He got himself arrested on fucking purpose. Fuck Dick Grayson, got it?”

“Y/n, I think you need—“ Dawn starts, putting a hand on your shoulder.

You shrug her hand off. “Calm down? Fuck that. I’m sick of being calm about this shit. It’s always about fucking Dick.”

“As opposed to it being about you?” Rachel challenges.

Your eyes widen, shaking your head as if you can’t process what Rachel just said. What the fuck is she even talking about? “It’s not fucking about me, Rachel. This is about Gar!” Your voice echoes in the parking as you toss your arms out to the side. “CADMUS fucking took him! What part of that doesn’t seem urgent to you!? They hurt him and they took him and you’re so wrapped up about some guy that got himself arrested on purpose! That you left, may I remind you! None of it would have happened had he left Jericho alone but he didn’t. He started all of this shit. And now Gar is kidnapped and for all we know, they’ve killed him and your wounded puppy ass wants to help Dick!? They are probably torturing Gar right now because of his whole tiger thing. Over my cold dead body am I going to save Dick before I save Gar.” You huff in Rachel’s face.

This is insanity. It’s the last day at the tower all over again. Trying to get anything through Rachel’s head is worse than explaining rocket science to a brick wall. It is infuriating. You don’t get her at all. The whole time Rachel defends Gar and is on Gar’s side but when it fucking matters, it’s about Dick? You can feel your blood boiling and you’re already on edge. You’re not dealing with Rachel’s shit today.

Rachel stands her ground, unphased by you. “You’re saying I’m a wounded puppy?” Rachel crosses her arms, letting out a bitter laugh and you can feel yourself falling into the pits of rage. “You’re still mad about that stuff with Jason! That’s why you don’t want to save Dick. We’re going to get Dick and there’s nothing you do about it.”

“That’s it!” You bring your arm back, connecting your fist with Rachel's face as the other women jump in. Donna pulls you away while Kory checks on Rachel whose nose is bleeding. "Jason was fucking right about you!" You scream, fighting against Donna to let you go. "You're fucking nuts for actually siding with Dick right now!"

"You punched me!" Rachel screams, her nostrils flaring.

"Yeah, I fucking did! I punched you because I won't be telling Gar that you really wanna put him in last fucking place and I punched you for how you fucking treated Jason! You were the one that started that shit that led him to the roof! That punch is for my boys, so fuck you!"

“I didn’t choose Dick over Gar!” Rachel tries to take a step forward, Kory blocking her away from you. “You think because Jason helped you train behind Dick’s back that you take on anyone or anything.” Rachel snips. “You think you can do whatever you want, just like Jason! Look what happens when you do that!”

“First of all, it wasn’t behind Dick’s back. We were trying to be productive unlike you who took out your jealousy on Gar! Yeah, he told me what you said to him, asking if he growled at Dr. Light. I will defend those boys against the entire world. Dick has done a lot for us and while he pisses me the fuck off sometimes, I do like him and respect him but this was his choice.”

“Jason treats everyone like shit! Why can’t you see that!? He’s not even here! He left and you’re still defending him! Dick did what was best for us! How can you even stand her yelling at me!?” Rachel screams at you.

“You also left, Rachel! The irony is that somehow, amongst all of us standing here, I was the one that stayed! I chose to stay and everyone else bailed!” Sam screams past Donna, her throat growing raw. ”But I get why Jason left which is why, even when I wanna be mad, I can’t be. Because I get it. Gar and Jason are everything to me and I don’t know why that’s such a fucking problem for you. You're literally standing her talking shit about Jason when he's not even here and then choosing to get Dick out of prison instead of saving Gar's life! You're insane!"

“This is life or death! You should have used your powers! If I were there--”

“Here we fucking go. Round and round and round we go. Where we will stop on the Rachel has a fucking hero complex stop? Everyone deals with shit differently but the only way you can defend yourself is with your powers.” You glare at Rachel. “You have nothing besides your powers. Powers get you fucking killed and kidnapped, as has been proven in the last twenty-four hours. If you were there, you probably would have hurt Gar!”

“Fuck you!”

“Not even in your wildest dreams, Rachel!” You snark back.

“Gar deserves better than you! Okay, you wanna go find him and then what? You leave to hunt down Jason, right? You sound just like him, you train like him, you went through the same things. Both of you think no one likes you which is true! You guys put everyone in danger without ever thinking about anyone else! He left you! And for Deathstroke’s daughter!”

You let out a sinister laugh and it’s such a low blow. You don’t get how Gar is actually friends with her if this is how she treats people when she’s mad. And you hate to admit that comment actually hurt a little.

“We are friends, Rachel.” You grit your teeth and you’re done arguing about this shit. “I don’t know why the fuck you care so much about us. Is it guilt, maybe? That you aren’t going after Gar? Do you feel guilty so you’re trying to make me feel guilty enough to hunt down Jason instead of Gar so that way if Gar dies, you can again, point the finger at me?” You shake your head, disgusted with this whole argument. “Gar deserves better, you’re right and guess what. It’s why we’re friends. I chose Jason, despite him going with Rose but that’s none of your fucking business. We are friends, all of us. So, if you wanna keep throwing my feelings in my face, fucking fine. But I can live with my decisions, can you?” You let out a sigh as you stop fighting against Donna. “I’m done fucking arguing about this shit with you. It’s not fucking worth it. Do whatever the hell you want but I’m going to save Gar.” You turn away from her and start walking towards Donna’s car.

Rachel lets you walk away, letting the argument simmer in the air. It’s more than Dick being there for her and saving her. Gar has done that, too and she does care about him. Gar is her best friend, too. But, there’s more to it and she was hoping she wouldn’t have to come clean about it but it doesn’t look like she’ll get so lucky. 

“That was…” Donna start.

“Dramatic.” Kory mutters.

Rachel stands there with wide eyes and decides to come clean. “I’m having dreams again.”

You pause, turning around to face Rachel.

"I was at Dick's funeral. Deathstroke killed him. Look, I know that I sound crazy. I know that. But Dick needs my help. And I really need yours. Please." Rachel’s voice is pleading, almost breaking as she asks for help.

You put your hand on your hip because this is ridiculous. Rachel's demeanor might have changed and it's obvious she is honestly worried about Dick. You understand dreaming about someone and seeing them die. It is terrifying and Rachel's dreams sometimes mean something. But at the end of the day, Dick got all of you into this mess in the first place. That's still fact. Gar being in danger is still fact. You don't know about Dick, not for certain. And it seems Dawn and Donna are on the page.

"I'm sorry, Rachel." Donna says. "But Gar needs us more." Donna finishes before she walks back to the car and gets in, you follow right behind and get into the passenger seat. "Do you feel better?" Donna looks to you, sarcasm in her words and clearly annoyed by the whole argument.

"So, much, I didn't realize how much I had been holding in. I feel so much better now. Gar is right, talking about things helps."

"I don't think what you did there was talking but sure." Donna shakes her head and sees Dawn coming to the car. "Alright, backseat." Donna looks to you and you don’t protest. You do as told and climb into the backseat while Dawn opens the passenger door.

You buckle your seatbelt while Donna puts the car in drive and takes off. You lean forward between the women.

"Well, I would like to apologize for my ranting and airing out some of my dirty laundry, that was weird of me. Uh, yeah, so sorry for that." You nod at the two of them, offering an awkward, closed-mouth smile.

Donna can't help but let out a soft laugh and Dawn gains a smile.

"Just don't punch Rachel again, okay?" Donna asks.

"I will try very hard not to." You let out a sigh. "So, uh, what's the plan?"

"We're going back to San Francisco. And we're gonna get Gar back. We can look at the footage and run facial recognition. One of them has to be able to give us information." Donna explains.

"Sick." You nod, you’re just relieved you're actually going to be doing something to save Gar now.

You lean back in your seat, the adrenaline dump from your argument with Rachel starts to hit and the tranquilizer has some lasting effects. The exhaustion starts to hit you, slowly and then all at once. But you feel safe in the car with Donna and Dawn. It's getting late now so you decide to just rest your eyes, just until you get back to the city.

When you wake up, you're back at the tower. You don't have anywhere else to stay so the three of you make your way through the elevator. You didn't clean anything up before you left so there's still blood and glass across the floor. You were feeling a lot better after yelling at Rachel and having Donna and Dawn on your side. But that feeling fades as you look around the tower. It feels emptier now than it did that day everyone left. You don't like it. But you excuse yourself to your room and try to get some rest until the morning.

Sleep did not come easy. And when it did come, it was broken up between different nightmares. There was a nightmare about you being dropped from the skyscraper, one version Dick dropped you and in another Jason dropped you. Another nightmare was Gar being killed by CADMUS in front of you. Another was Jason killed by Deathstroke and the last one that finally convinced you to not sleep anymore, was both boys being killed. By Deathstroke. That was enough for you.

It worked out timing-wise because Dawn and Donna were both awake, and the tower had been cleaned up. That's when Donna fills you in on the plan. Donna found a guy with facial recognition and they're gonna go to him. You’re told to stay in the car because he might recognize you and they're guessing CADMUS only left you because they thought you were dead or would be. You aren't a big fan of the idea but you also get it. If he recognizes you, he'll know what's up and it could end worse for all of you and Gar so you go along with the plan. You grab a quick breakfast before the three of you make your way to the man's house.

Once at the man's house, Dawn turns around in her seat, looking at you. "Okay, what's the plan, Y/n?" Her voice isn't exactly asking but more looking for verification that you aren't going rogue.

"I promise I will not leave the car." You promise them. 

"Good, now stay here." Donna has a stern voice as the two older women get out of the car.

You let out a sigh and slide back in your seat, unbuckling your seatbelt. You take out your phone and go to your messages with Jason. You still haven't heard from him. So, you try again. You have nothing else to do while you wait for the women to do their thing and you’re actually getting really worried. There has to be something going on. Even if Jason is just trying to enjoy his new relationship with Rose, he would call or text given the entire CADMUS situation.

The line trills and you chew on the inside of your cheek. You think he won't answer. He hasn't in a few days anyway but you wait patiently, almost holding your breath. And then he picks up.

"What!?" Jason yells.

"Uh.....hello to you, too?" You question.

"What the fuck do you want?"

Ouch. You pause and it hurts with him yelling at you. You didn't do anything. Does he suddenly not care about Gar? About you? What is with everyone?

"Dude, what's going on?" You ask hiding the hurt in your voice.

"Nothing, what?" Jason huffs.

"You sound upset? What's going on, Jay?"

"Why the fuck did you call?"

This is not a good time. Jason is on his way to leave, to go somewhere else that's not here. Things, in his opinion, were going pretty well with Rose. He was making a solid effort and letting her in. They were doing some drug busts and it was fun. It allowed him to escape from the tower and all of that bullshit the other Titans put him through. But, he's just had a blow-up with Rose because as it turns out, she's been lying to him the whole time. He let another fucking person in and all she did was lie and use him. This is not a good fucking time for him.

"I've been trying to reach you for like three days." You drop asking him what's wrong, he's clearly not going to tell you.

"Bullshit, I haven't gotten a fucking call from you at all."

"I literally called you yesterday, hold on." You take the phone from your head and screenshot your call log, sending the screenshot to Jason and then taking a screenshot of the texts, sending them to him. "I just sent screenshots."

Jason takes the phone from his head and looks at the messages. There he can see that you have not only called him about a hundred times but you’ve also texted him at least, an entire page full of messages. He reads them over, seeing none of them in his actual message thread with you. A lot of them are question marks or begging him to call you back.

"What the fuck?" Jason yells into the phone.

"I told you." You state. "What? You didn't get any of them?" You furrow your brows and you knew something weird was going on. Jason wouldn't abandon you and Gar.

"Fucking Rose probably deleting them." Jason lets out a scoff ad he's not even sure if he's more mad at himself for trusting Rose or at Rose for lying to him.

"Ah," You nod your head. "She had your phone?"

"I wasn't with it the whole fucking time. She wanted us to spend time alone, without our fucking phones. Know why now, huh?" Jason's voice breaks and he's just so fucking mad. This is why he doesn't trust anyone, it's why he doesn't show anyone those parts of him. They use him and exploit him. They take and take and take but never give. It fucking hurts. And you’re unusually silent on the other end. "What?" Jason sounds completely exasperated.

You hesitate, almost debating on telling him but that wouldn't be fair. "Did you get our texts about her? Mine and Gar's?"

"Nope."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Jay. She working—"

"With her fucking dad? Yeah, she just fucking told me. She was using me and lying to me this whole fucking time!" Jason sniffles and you swear a part of your heart just broke for him. Why would anyone do that to him? He doesn't deserve it. That explains why he's so mad.

"I'm really sorry, Jay," Your voice is quiet. "We didn't know she had your phone." You pull the phone away and switch it to FaceTime. You figure maybe if you see each other face to face, it'll help calm him down. You can give him a smirk and a grin, he'll play along. Maybe it'll help. It would help you.

Jason goes along with it, seeing you in a car, a nasty bruise decorates your right cheekbone, the bottom of your eye socket a lighter shaded bruise. His heart plummets with the sight of you. He feels more anger start to flood his blood. He's going to find whoever hurt you. What the fuck did he miss?

"Not your fault." Jason lets out a huff and immediately drops it. He doesn't want to talk about it anyway. "What the fuck happened to you?" The worry creeps into his voice as he asks.

You see Jason's nostrils flare and a part of you definitely forgot the bruise. You shake your head. "Uh...right, um," Your brows furrow as you look down and Jason knows you do that whenever you don't want to tell him something. He's picked up on it. "CADMUS came and broke into tower. They took Gar, Conner and Krypto." You look back to the camera, letting out a breath.

Jason shakes his head, closing his eyes for a second and for just a fraction of a second, he feels relief because they didn't take you. He can’t imagine you getting taken three fucking times. That’s insane but you’re hurt anyway and now they have his best friend.

"What the fuck does that mean? They took them?"

"Uh-huh." You nods. "I was spamming the fuck out of you. They broke in, guns. Um...one of em, uh, ya know. I lost." You let out a scoff as the guilt floods your system again. "Donna and Dawn are trying to get answers from a guy now."

"What the fuck." Jason lets out a quiet sigh.

Rose had the idea yesterday to shut their phones for the day, and not be bothered by any outside bullshit. Jason went along with it, he kind of thought you and Gar weren't talking to him, he hadn't heard from you. Maybe you were having fun alone or something. But, apparently, it was all Rose and he feels so stupid for all of it. For not seeing through it.

"Are you okay?" Jason’s eyes scan across her face and he wishes he were there. 

"Dunno." You chew the inside of your cheek, your brows knitted together. "I tried so fucking hard but it wasn't fucking good enough, ya know? They just kept fucking coming, Jay. There were too many and I ran out of kitchen knives. They shot me with a tranquilizer and left me for dead. But, they...but they took Gar. He shifted into a tiger and maybe that's why. I didn't use my powers. I wasn't useful, maybe. I don't know but it fucking sucks. I couldn't--" You cut yourself off, feeling the lump grow in your throat. "I couldn't save him. It wasn't fucking enough and I wasn't fucking good enough." Your voice breaks.

Jason wants to personally hunt down every man from CADMUS that attacked the tower. For taking Gar and for hurting you and making you feel this way. That’s his best friend they took and it’s bullshit. And you fight like hell, he knows for a fact you tried your absolute hardest but it’s CADMUS. He doesn’t need to have been there to know whatever you did was enough.

"Hey," Jason calls. "Don't do that shit, alright? It's not your fault. I wasn't there but I know you fought like hell because you did for me. That's fucking enough." Jason pauses and you nods softly. "I'm fucking serious. You grabbed the kitchen knives?" Jason chuckles. "Smart, guessing you fought until the tranquilizer kicked in?"

"Still tried after." You let out a soft laugh. "My arms and legs just wouldn't move."

Jason lets out a soft laugh. "Exactly so it's not your fault." Jason’s face softens slightly and it does make her feel better.

Seeing Jason face-to-face is helping in general. His hair is messier than usual and his eyes are red, but there’s something comfortable about seeing him that you haven’t felt since he left. He knows exactly what to say and he laughs about the kitchen knives. No one else would but it makes you feel better. Not fully, but enough. And you do really miss him.

"Thanks." Your smile falls and you clear your throat. "You okay?"

Jason shrugs and starts pacing. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's okay if you're not. She fucking sucks for lying to you."

"Yeah, no shit." Jason offers a half-scoff half-laugh.

"I'll beat her up if you want." You offer Jason a smirk to try and cheer him up.

It seems to work because Jason gives you a laugh and a smile. "Yeah? Think you stand a chance of all sudden?"

"I punched Rachel, I could take Rose, now."

"You punched Rachel?" Jason lets out a booming laugh and he can't believe it. He would have loved to have seen it. "Why?"

You shrug. "She made me mad and I was exhausted. I just couldn't fucking do it anymore." Your eyes widen, as if to be mocking the situation.

Jason has a grin and he does feel a little better. "She attack you?"

"No," You shake your head. "She just yelled at me. Kory and Dawn held her back while Donna held me back. It was all very dramatic, you would have loved it." You give him a teasing smirk. "But, hey, we need you, Jay. Gar needs you. We can't do this alone." 

Jason's smile falls and it still hurts, the way the Titans attacked him for shit he didn't do. It's still an open wound and he's not sure it'll ever heal. They don't want him and he's tired of being in places he's not wanted.

"Look, they don't want me."

"Donna texted you last night." You state.

"Fucking seriously." Jason groans and he's so mad at himself for not seeing through Rose, for not knowing it was weird not to have heard from you and Gar, for not being the one to text either of you. Phones work two ways. Jason just thought you were kind of done talking to him, living it up as a couple or whatever. You weren't interested in him anymore since you and Gar had each other. He should have sent at least one more text when he didn't get a reply from either of you.

"Uh-huh. She said she would try and I guess Rose deleted that, too."

"What the fuck, man?"

"So, uh, you gonna come?" You ask hesitantly and Jason sees the worry across your face.

"Gar's my best friend but I don't—"

"Jay, he needs you, please." You plead with him and you pause for just a second. "I need you." Your voice goes quiet and you do. This whole thing would have been a little easier if he were around, even just to talk to.

Jason lets out a sigh. He can't say no to you even if he feels unwanted around the other Titans. You look desperate and you’re always there for him. You’re the one person who doesn't give up on him and he knows he can't let you do it alone.

"Alright, fine." Jason nods his head. "I'll help get Gar back and then I'm gone."

"Deal." You smile sadly at him. You know it'll be temporary but at least he'll come back to help. You all definitely need him.

Jason shakes his head. "Hey, seriously, you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, uh....just...traumatized." You let out s scoff. "Shocker, huh?"

"Hey, look, fuck those assholes, we'll show them who they're fucking with."

"Thanks, Jay," You offer him a soft smile. "I don't know. Feel a whole lot better once we sort it out."

"I'll find a way, I swear. Text me where you need me and I'll be there. I'm not fucking staying but I won't let you do this alone."

"I knew I could count on you."

"Always, babe." Jason gives you his cheeky grin.

You almost hate to admit it, but you kind of miss him calling you that, too. You have to laugh, looking away from the camera.

“Shithead.” You mutter and Jason chuckles on the other end. He misses hearing you call him that. With anyone else, he’d be annoyed but not with you. "I'm still sorry about Rose." You look back to the camera, smile erased with a look of empathy.

"Eh, you were right." Jason shrugs a shoulder.

It hurts. Jason hasn't been in many relationships. With living on the streets and his home situation, it was never something he ever had time or energy for. He's had heartbreak, sure, but this one is different. He was in a stable enough place for something and it ended like this. Broken trust and more betrayal. It just really hurts a lot more than Jason really wants to admit to anyone. It feels a little embarrassing even.

"I wish I wasn’t though. That's not fair to you and you deserve someone who's not gonna treat you like shit and lie to you. You deserve better always."

He’ll never understand why you are the way you are with him. But, he’s thankful for you.

"Thanks."

You look to the window, seeing the women coming back. "Hey, they're coming back, I'll text you and call you okay? Just, uh, see if you can pull a string with Bruce and get on a flight."

"Who says I'm in Gotham?" Jason looks around him and he doesn't know how you know that but he can't say he's surprised. Of course, you would know where he went.

"It's home." You chortle. "Where else would you go?"

"Yeah, alright, fuck you."

"Mmm," You hum and decide you'll leave him with your game of chicken. "Maybe I'll get you lucky one day." You smirk at him and Jason shakes his head, eyes closing for a second before the looks back to the screen. The comment throws him off because shouldn’t you be...with Gar? You let out a laugh and seeing him confused and flustered never gets old. "Alright, get a fucking flight, Jason."

"Alright, don't do anything stupid until I get there." Jason nods at you, his cheeks a tint of pink.

"Course not, I only do stupid shit when I'm with you." You give him a wide smile. "See you in a bit, Jay." You hang up just as the women enter the car.

"Okay, we need backup." Donna starts. "No Rachel, no Kory. Nothing from Jason or Rose either."

"Jason's coming." You scoot closer to the women, the both looking back at you. "It's a long story, he wasn't getting our messages. I just got through though, he said he'll come to help Gar. I just gotta text him what we know."

"Okay, good, this is good." Donna says.

"Nice work." Dawn gives Sam a kind smile.

"I am very annoyingly persistent." You scrunch your nose.

"Let's get a plan together then." Donna smiles at the two of you before putting the car in drive and driving off.

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[atla-confessions]

I've come to vent about my relationship with Rozin of all things. I must warn that this is NOT anti Rozin confession! There's literally nothing wrong with this ship, but...

For a long time I thought it was the only genuinely good and interesting ship out of all ATLA and LOK ships. Despite having little to no screen time, I was nevertheless hooked by Roku's and Sozin's dynamic. And how could I not? Childhood friends turned into bitter enemies with all the angst and heartbreak it entails? *chief kiss* Rozin just had that kick that other ships didn't have to me. I mean it in the nicest way possible, but everything just felt bland and boring in comparison. Most likely because I'm a drama queen who loves screwed up stuff. In my head and private notes, I would make Rozin WORSE, I would add things that didn't happen in canon, that would NEVER happen in canon, that would plunge those two into a new dark abyss I made just for them. In my head and private notes, I would make Rozin BETTER, I would give Roku and Sozin a chance to reconcile, to learn from one another, to finally have a relationship they couldn't have in canon. I would come up with crazy AUs, one of them even became a baseline for my main crossover story.

I mean it genuinely that this ship was IT for me. And it was like that for 5 years...

Until it just... Wasn't anymore.

The overall ATLA fandom, unfortunately, doesn't share my sentiment. The arts and fics and hell even meta posts that would examine Roku and Sozin's relationship was extremely rare. All those things I did with Rozin privately ? That was basically all that I had. I kid you not, Rozin felt more like a fandom joke, than an actual ship. The ship tag was clogged with the same repetitive "haha, Roku and Sozin were exes" "haha, Roku and Sozin were gay" shit. A joke that was repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. With no changes, no new punchline. It was funny the first couple of times, then it lost the punch, then it became annoying and then... those jokes became enraging. I was becoming SICK of them.

I would much rather have there be no new Rozin posts, than the ship tag being cluttered with. the. same. shitty. unfunny. repetitive. joke. At least the lack of content would motivate me to actually share the AUs and hcs I made in private. It would be a challenge, a drive. But, the fandom is dead set on seeing them as "just angsty exes, lol".

Oh, but that's not why I decided to write here. You know what I'm about to say. The upcoming Roku centric book, that, of course has scenes that are almost hand-crafted to pander to Rozin shippers.

I know I should be excited. I should be happy. My ship is finally getting attention! Getting official interaction since, what? Over a decade of NOTHING?

But, I felt nothing.

At first.

Then, when I realized that I felt nothing I felt... rage? Sadness? Despair?

I used to LOVE Rozin. What happened? I should be excited. Why am I not?

It has been 5 years of that. Of Rozin being worse than nothing. Not even a ship, but an inside joke among ATLA fans. I would've been fine if the book interactions contradicted my hcs, I would just make new ones or change the old ones a little. But, I got tired. At this point, I feel nothing for the ship. Maybe annoyance. I definitely think I don't like it now. And it's sad. It's almost tragic.

I love Roku and Sozin as characters. And I used to love shipping them, as another way to explore and study them as characters. But now, I think, I will just block Rozin tag and dismiss any ship context if I do happen to start posting my ATLA fan art again and people would ask of I shipped them or not. I don't. Not anymore. If you really want a ship content with them, well, I suppose I have my OC x Roku ship, but, I'm certain no one would be interested in that, so I'll just keep it to myself.

Sorry for the long rant. Sorry that it sounds so dramatic or pathetic. But, I feel better after writing everything here. Maybe I can finally leave this all behind.

X

[oleander-nin]

Hi again, I'm that same person that sent that long ask earlier lol

Okay ESPECIALLY after the poll you put up, I wanna say again that WE ALL LOVE YOU STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP /p

I'm stuck between wanting to be heartfelt and encouraging or just shaking you by the shoulders and scream at you /aff /pos

Ollie, genuinely, don't push yourself too hard. Yeah we love what you write, but we understand that you're a person with a life. You do not owe us anything.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, or maybe looking too far into this, but I feel like you're a perfectionist? And that you feel you have to crank things out quickly and it all has to be perfect. Maybe you feel somehow indebted to give us things to read. and lemme tell you, it's very easy to get stuck in a loop of "do the creative thing for your followers or else". That is, if you aren't in that loop already. I'm sorry, know I'm assuming a lot, and I'm not meaning to pry.

I just say this because I recognize the way you talk in your tags or authors notes. I'm not an author, but I used to post art. I kept getting more frustrated with myself, (and I can definitely tell you are too). I lost motivation, and it stopped being fun pretty quickly because I kept thinking "it needs to be perfect" or "I need to create faster" all for the sake of an audience. So when you apologize, or seem to value your writing so little, it just makes me worry that you're in that same loop. Heck, I mean, I still don't make art often, I still have perfectionist issues and worry about how fast I can create. But it's becoming fun again, slowly.

I just hope that writing is still something you like to do. I would hate for your passion for writing to be squandered by the pressure and expectations of an audience. I know you have a lot going on right now, even if you try and act like you should be able to push through it and write, but please take care of yourself. If the February challenge is getting too difficult, please don't feel like there's any shame in limiting your workload. We'll be happy with whatever you make, and I'll be even happier if I know you actually enjoyed writing it. /gen

WOW this is long I'm sorry lmao. I've been at this for like half an hour. (Do asks have a word limit? Oops I hope not ahshjsk)

Oh also, don't worry about responding to this is an "appropriate" way. I know that this would be hard for me to respond to, so don't feel pressured to say anything at all. Even if you delete this, I'll be perfectly fine with it. /gen I just hope you read it and understand that we care about you. Please feel better <3

YOU TOOK THIRTY MINUTES FROM YOUR DAY TO WRITE ME THIS???? THE HONOR???? SOBBING THANK YOU

Breaking this down paragraph by paragraph cuz you deserve it💪(also I'm avoiding responsibilities rn shhh)

Okay first of all, thank you a lot. This entire thing kinda helped me realized just how bad I was letting myself get. In the back of my mind, I know I don't have to write, or that I shouldn't be doing it the way I am, but it felt like an obligation at some point, both from trying to repay you all in the only way I know how, and from trying to catch up with everyone else. Sometimes it feels like I'm falling behind, and if I don't keep going, I'm just going to lose everything.

I forgive you<3/lhj, but you're not technically wrong. While I'm not in the perfectionist in the sense I won't post something unless I deem it perfect and have checked over 8 times(what I used to do), I still tend to pick apart everything I've made and found every flaw. I realize this is a problem, and have been yelled at by many a teachers for it lol. But yeah, a lot of the time I do feel indebted, and I probably am stuck in that loop(Which is why I'm so bad at actually taking breaks). Don't feel bad for assuming, nothing you could say would really offend me, and you've been dead on this whole time.

I've been meaning to stop talking about how much I hate certain parts of what I write in the tags+A/N's, because I know listening to me whine and cry about something that doesn't matter gets annoying, but I'm not good at that either I guess lol.

I'm fairly certain that writing will always be fun for me, as I'm still looking forwards to doing a lot of the requests I got and one set of ideas I have, but finding the will to write it down seems impossible right now. It's like I'm stuck at the bottom of a sheer cliff and I can't start writing until I read the top. The main reason I'm so mad at myself for flopping so bad with this challenge is because I was able to do the Horrortober one just fine, as well as maintain a schedule for a while. It feels like I'm getting worse rather than getting better, and It's just making me frustrated with myself to the point of just wanting to quit(not that I think I'd be able to if I'm honest. I tried once, yet here I am, only 3 years later.)

Anyways, I'm just going to start putting more time into the writing instead of trying to force a deadline. I want to be able to make longer fics again, and to start TWOAL back up(I've been avoiding it because I want the chapters to start being 4000+ to mimic actual books). I want my writing to seem like it has care and quality, and not like it was produced by a factory. I have once headcanon style fic about the Vamp turts in the work I was spending days on to make sure it was decent, and it alone is better than a lot of stuff I've put out recently.

ANYWAYS

Thank you! I appreciate your words, sorry for the vent. I'll probably just delete this half later lol, but I needed to get some stress out.

[heartscrypt]

Jamie, don't worry. Just like you, I've been thinking about JamiAzu and I, too, have not been able to create any content.

The best thing to do is to chew them in your head until something manifests on your canvas or paper. Alternatively, you can use this ask as an opportunity to talk about them. (I would love to hear your scenarios and headcanons because you understand them like I do.)

oh my god ok OKAY so. i had this fic idea rolling around in my head and the premise was basically like. the aftermath of twst events that didn't feature jamil or azul really heavily / only had small cameos but it was just jamil n azul reflecting (and maybe bonding) afterwards.

this whole thing was inspired by azul getting rejected by eliza in the phantom bride event LOL bc i thought jamil would get a kick out of it. i wanted to cover more events like wish upon a star (which i might talk about in a later post) or harveston or port fest but the phantom bride part i have like. Fully mapped out.

i only have this excerpt because. i lost motivation but if anyone wants to take this fic concept and do it justice they can :3 id just like to be tagged and credited

full outline is under the read more because God it is long. sorry. its also kind of incomprehensible because im incomprehensible about these two

but the ficlet for the first event, phantom bride, was going to take place a few hours after where the event canonically ends. jamil finds out azul got sooo rejected and laughs at him under his breath for a bit. says its because eliza could sense that he was fake as fuck all the time. azul gets frustrated and flustered bc the guy he wants so bad is currently mocking him for having NOOOO game. he's like "yeah well. you didn't participate b/c of kalim so you don't know what impossible standards she had"

jamils still used to deflecting when it comes to his competence so he'd dismissively say that of course he wouldn't have been a suitable candidate to woo the ghost even if kalim was guaranteed to not be involved. he's not that kind of guy. azul's Jamil Bullshit radar is ACTIVATED. he immediately insists that jamil absolutely Could've swayed eliza into wearing the ring and starts praising all of jamil's qualities with such a Genuine belief in jamil's abilities until jamil is the flustered one trying to beat azul's compliments off of him with a stick.

this part is really funny to me because in my head there's a scene before where jamil is telling azul that his approach failed because he always came off as disingenuous. and then here in this scene azul's so genuine that jamil's taken aback and in his head he's like "if he approached eliza the way he's approaching me NOW there's no way he would've failed." and then he promptly refuses to think about the implications of that thought for the rest of the fic. lol

anyways through the power of lovebombing and a few appeals to jamil's competitive side, azul goads jamil into demonstrating how he would've approached eliza to get the ghost sealing ring on her finger. jamil's pretending to be a suitor. one of jamil's rings (he's a jewelry guy no way he doesn't have a few rings) plays the role of the ghost sealing ring. and of course azul is the Substitute Eliza in their little pretend scenario so we get. these two indirectly flirting with each other in the weirdest fucking way possible. roleplay.

also there's a funny bit of azul mimicking something eliza actually did mid-scenario and jamil breaking out of character to be like "No Way ok Time out no way you aren't fucking with me right now" and azul responding like "no she really did say that" and jamil getting the most longsuffering expression on his face before slipping back into his princely character.

azul enjoys being the one "chased" by jamil for a change but he's always cognizant of the facade jamil's wearing while playing the role of eliza's prince. knows that that's just as much Not the true jamil as the "dutiful servant" jamil was, and is in return so totally lovestruck by how GOOD jamil is at being manipulative. not even swooned by the princely way jamils acting. he's falling head over heels for the fact that he KNOWS jamil is acting and in reality could not care less and yet is able to pull off such a convincing display. because azul's fucking crazy and his taste in men actually sucks so bad he sees all the red flags in jamil as fun little collectibles. he's mentally like "its so frustratingly attractive when he says something with that little smirk smile and we both know he's lying straight to my face but i cant call him out on it." GIRL. YOU ARE SO FAILCRINGE

on jamils end of things. yes he is pretending to be a "prince" for "eliza" but he's also hyperaware that this is azul pretending to be eliza for the sake of the scenario so. he gets a little sneaky. a little underhanded. starts doing and saying things that are targeted to catch Specifically azul off guard so azul gets flustered and breaks character for a split second. this is solely to fuck with azul and has Noooo other reason behind it (nevermind the fact that there is a giddy feeling jamil gets when he's able to crack the facade azul wears to see the real, vulnerable azul hiding underneath).

they go back and forth for a while, jamil pushing forward relentlessly while azul pulls away but always stays close (a complete reversal of their usual dynamic). but then jamil says something that's so completely him and definitely not part of the facade and azul forgets himself for a moment, forgets that they're playing pretend. lets his guard down completely. from jamils perspective, this startles him a little because he wasn't expecting it and he certainly wasn't expecting for azul to seem so convincingly enamored by him (it's because azul actually is but like jamil's kind of operating under the assumption that azul is incredibly fake all the time) and he REALLY doesn't know what to do with the realization that he likes the way azul is looking at him right now a lot more than he probably should like attention coming from someone he supposedly hates.

so he panics internally, shoves the ring onto azul's finger while azul is distracted, and tells him he can stop acting now because jamil proved his point that he Could've gotten the ring on eliza. azul snaps out of it and is like "ah. Yes. Acting. I'm so good at it Wouldn't you agree jamil" (hes pretending his inner monologue rn doesn't mainly consist of distressed dramatic bitch wailing and screaming. hes embarrassed abt being so vulnerable when they're both supposed to be acting he wants to crawl into an octopus pot and never come out). jamil's reply is smth like "yeah yeah whatever of course you're used to acting b/c you're a fraud" (his inner monologue also sounds like distressed screaming btw. less dramatic and more Full of dread and horror). moment of awkward silence where they just aren't looking at each other but azul's hand is still in jamil's (since jamil had to take his hand to put the ring on). worst handholding experience ever. 0/10

jamil breaks the silence. "i prefer it when you're not acting". on the surface its just a casual dig at azul's role at eliza but like THE WAY he says it. means something more. azul picks up on that, thinks back to all the times during the scene where jamil got him to break character for a second, the smug satisfaction on his face when azul sputtered or faltered. his first conclusion is "he wants me so bad" because he's delusional but then he reels it back a little and only says "i prefer your true self as well." jamil knows what THAT means well enough. he's starting to get suspicions that their dynamic isn't just "guy who is trying to exploit someone he sees as an opportunity x guy who fucking hates him because the other guy is a slimeball". he isn't sold on azul's intentions being all that pure though. he needs to bide his time, hang back and see whether this moment was a fluke.

they r still holding hands btw. neither of them has pulled away yet. jamil's the first to look down and Acknowledge it, silently swiping his thumb over the ring on azul's finger. drops the other's hand. says very nonchalantly that azul is going to keep the ring. azuls like "? haha i couldn't Possibly keep this. it's your ring". jamil smirks. says "keep it as a consolation prize. and a reminder of how badly you embarrassed yourself today". looks up through his eyelashes to watch for a reaction. azuls head nearly explodes. jamil knows in his gut that once azul recovers he's going to be Fucking Insufferable for the next few weeks flaunting that ring around everywhere and playing up the bond between himself and jamil but as he leaves, he can't find himself caring all that much about that as long as the other Does wear the ring.

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Well, you don't just feel like I enjoy your writing for your style and not only the character, that is very much what is actually going on. I never asked to be put on any tag list bc I have notifs turned on for everything you post anyway and therefore am informed that new writing from you has dropped without need for a tag. You are actually the only tumblr writer I do this with. Because sure yea I will occasionally go into the tags of specific xcharacters when the mood strikes me, which is how I found your blog in the first place, but I rarely click through into the authors' blog, let alone read their fics for characters I'm unfamiliar with. Your style of writing, your imagination for scenes, your ability to capture emotion, your consistent ability to steer clear of tropes that make me cringe and the more generalised personal touch you bring to your writing have all enchanted me and are the reason why I keep reading all your work, even if I've never heard of the character before and in some cases have never even heard of the fandom altogether before, + even if the reader character is the sub and therefore I have 0 interest in identifying with them lol. Maybe I wasn't clear enough about this before but yea your style is very much the thing for me here. (well okay possibly I also one more motivating factor to keep notifs turned on from you which is I kinda hope you might one day do something with the prompt or the character match-up request I sent you, but dw I'm in no rush and uninclined to leave either way) - 🌒

uh, excuse me- how did this get lost? when was this submitted? im? hello? i am so sorry that i haven't gotten to this before- i genuinely did not know this ask existed.

the fact that there are at least one of you out there (theres at least one more, ive seen it in their tags when they reblog) who read everything i post bc they have notifs on is insane (in a good way). enjoying my writing enough to read everything is so,,, its such a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. its how you know people really actually enjoy your writing for the simple credit of your writing and not just because you write for a character they like-

im also very glad to hear that im able to steer clear of cringe for you. im not sure how thats possible but i sure am glad i can hahaha. i think i just avoid what makes me cringe for the most part.

im also sorry i havent gotten to your requests yet. theyre buried in my inbox somewhere. atm ive been very burnt out and stressed with work so ive not had any motivation really to touch my blog. i will attempt to find them and start on at least one thing for you this weekend. im working on it though! i have a couple wips too, so, eyes peeled!

but yes, thank you so so so so so much for this ask <3 you've really made my day and i am so grateful to have you as one of my beloved readers <3 <3 <3

[pardonmydelays]

OMG, I'M SO SORRY!!!! 🥺 WOW!! How did I miss that???? I am so sorry!!!!

"girl, i will never leave this hellsite. this is my home. even in 637394 years i'll still be here posting every unhinged thought that crosses my mind and fangirling over my favourite artists 😂" Lmaooooo, girl, same. I love that!! Hahaha, well I love that for you two. Gotta love friends you can be insane with lol.

As for moving out, thank you for the motivation. I really appreciate it!! I really do need it more than anything, and I'm sure I'll figure it out in time. I'm all for living on my own and I honestly can't wait until move out day comes, but Idk why the student loan thing is holding me back... I'm still moving out regardless for the sake of my sanity. I just need to get in the habit of really watching my budget! (I do, actually, and I'm really good about saving money! I just... need to stop eating out almost every day despite eating healthy)

Thank you again, you're so sweet and yes, as always, you motivate me!! This will certainly be a huge step but it'll be a great one.

❤️

no, it's totally fine. it's easy to get lost on my blog lmao so it's kinda my fault. that's why you should always check the tag "daisy anon" haha.

i totally get it, it's normal to be scared, living on your own is obviously not the easiest. it gets hard sometimes, you really need to be careful with money and everything, but oh my god it's totally worth it. and i'm sure you'll be fine! fear is always the only thing that stops us from doing what we want to do. and we need to do it anyway.

so happy to hear that i motivated you tho! i am keeping my fingers crossed for you ❤️