#I literally had such a hard time thinking of something 😭
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mrincrediblyblind · 3 days ago
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Internalised Homophobia Of Mike Wheeler and My Experience with it
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so I wanted to talk about internalised homophobia as someone who’s experienced it first hand and written a character with the same problem. I’ll also be covering stuff from the van monologue that links to this, so you can just skip down to that if you do not gaf 😭 but hey, you might read it and go “haha, Mike coded” so who knows. It’s just me showing that i’m qualified to talk about this 😼😼😼
ANYWAY!!!
So for me, i’ve never actually felt an attraction to the same gender as myself growing up. It was only 2021-2022 that i started to crush on guys yet I didn’t actually understand what was going on because i was in the middle of exploring other things about myself. I tried on many different labels that felt wrong, and then went “fuck it” and forced myself to have a crush on my best friend at the time (who was a girl btw).
At some point, all my friends had forgotten about any signs i’d shown about my identity, yet I proceeded to develop a crush on some guy.
Despite being god awfully ugly, problematic and racist (probably some key contributing factors), i did not want to come to terms on having a crush on a guy for the longest time. I HAD to like girls, despite only ever being in a situationship once in the past.
Quite literally up until late last year I kept forcing myself to crush on girls to not come to terms with that part of me who liked him — Let’s call him badminton.
First, i’d cycle through hallway crushes who were actually just girls I thought were pretty. I ended up “crushing” on a girl in my class and then “Badminton” got with her and I realised how hard it was to escape this shit.
Then last year I “crushed” in several slightly alternative people who are either now just my friends or I drew them in my notebook in class and then never looked at them again (yeah i’m sorry women, my bad 😔) i feel like it was weird to worry so much about girls in a way that none of my male friends did.
And then i wound up having to spend more time with “badminton” as my friend had got with him and i didn’t understand why it bothered me so much, and whenever he was upset i went out my way to try and comfort him and look out for him, which wound up me coming to terms with my feelings. It was almost like I fell for him, but it was actually like re-opening a book youve half read and had been neglecting on your shelf for a while.
Okay imma shut my corny ass up now 😭
NOW THE PART YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: The Comparison >:D
Literally every byler shipper I’ve encountered on this platform is represented either through Will or Mike. All of you motherfuckers kin one or the other, or both. You’re also all gay.
Through experiences in the past we can relate to these characters. I think for me personally, the queer coding of Mike Wheeler and the fact that — if season 5 plays out right — I have been in the same headspace as him and I know what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling and what he wishes he wasn’t feeling.
Here’s something I picked up on:
we know that in the van scene, Will is using Eleven as a way to express his emotions. We know this because it’s in the script that Jonathan knows he’s lying about El and all. Jonathan looks in the rear view mirror, clocking Will’s lie. (i’m not too sure if that’s what it says word for word, but it’s nearly the same thing.
Will is talking about being different. Feeling like you’re different, “and when you’re different, sometimes you feel like a mistake”.
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Not only is Will using El as a metaphor for himself, but i think that perhaps this is a metaphor for coming to terms with your sexuality. After this scene, Mike starts acting completely different towards Will as he’s coming to terms with his sexual identity. What Will says about being different resonates with him.
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“but you make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all. Like she’s better for being different”
once again, this resonates with Mike because dating Eleven makes him feel “normal”. It makes him feel easier for him to push his feelings away as he feels like a mistake for his homosexuality and romantic feelings towards the same gender.
Anyway. Maybe this is why I feel so uncomfortable with Mileven 🧍‍♂️
i mean, naturally though. You wouldn’t ship Will with a girl now, would you?
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bohemianblasphemy · 17 hours ago
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HIIIII I’VE COME BACK TO TUMBLR FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE OVER A YEAR, IM PIIIINIIIIINNNGGG BAD FOR DEAN WINCHESTER 😭
I’m an apprentice and was wondering if you could just blurb or write (or literally whatever you want/think of!!!!!) about being a fellow hunter in a long term relationship with Dean, traveling motel to motel and eventually living in the bunker with them, setting up an area and tattooing the boys (but mostly Dean) on slow days when we’re bored just sitting around in the bunker. (My vision is super based on knowing his character was supposed to be YATTED but it got cut due to budgeting-ugh).
Maybe also being a witch or something idk just thinking of plot lol hehe I’d be happy with LITERALLY anything! And if you’re uncomfortable doing this or just don’t feel like it that’s totally cool too!
Anon, I love you - this request is just *chefs kiss* Dean Winchester with tattoos would be the death of me.
I wasn’t sure how to implement the witch element into these headcanons but I hope this is okay!✨
Dean Winchester x tattoo apprentice! Reader
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It was hard to get a lot of practice in especially out on the road, moving between motels and all the hunting you and the winchesters do- but once you all move into the bunker and settle in, you made it your mission to create your own little corner.
Dean had always been supportive of your tattooing. He is absolutely fascinated with the process of watching you tattoo- whether it’s creating your designs or practicing them on fake skin, he’s always watching.
He would also help you set up your space and help you buy supplies.
Dean always wanted tattoos, but was never sure of what he wanted to get. (Definitely has a secret Pinterest board of tattoo inspiration)
He loves to go through your designs and is in absolute awe of how talented you are. Sam would often find him just going through them in his down time, zooming in on every little detail.
As soon as you are ready to tattoo real skin, Dean is ready to be your Guinea pig.
“I’m ready sweetheart.” He’d say with a cocky grin, but he wouldn’t tell you he’s absolutely shitting bricks. But as soon as that needle hits his skin he’s like “oh… that’s not what I thought it was gonna feel like.” And he’s totally fine.
Sam would eventually get a couple small tattoos from you, his pain tolerance isn’t as good as deans but he still sticks it out like a champ.
You start off with smaller tattoos on Dean, gradually going to biggest more intricate pieces. Some having deep meaning, some because he thought the design was cool ( which would be like 90% of his tatts)
Since you both had been together for a longgg time, you know he’d get something that symbolises you.
He’d also get something for sam 😭 (you just know he cried when he showed it to him.)
Dean just admires your focus and how beautifully you do your work, he’s just such a proud boyfriend of his talented amazing partner.
You’d have to constantly remind him of tattoo aftercare because he can get a bit lazy with it.
“No Dean you can’t scratch your tattoo it’ll ruin it.” “But it’s so damn itchy!”
When the tatts are healed he can’t help but feel so much more confident in himself. Every reflective surface he sees he just flexes his arms and smirks.
If anyone asks about where he got his work done he perks up right away. “Oh yeah my partner did them, they’re amazing right?” And just rambles about you and your talents.
Lovesss when you trace over the work you’ve done on him with your fingers when you’re laying down with each other.
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zepskies · 2 days ago
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Aw thank you, lovely!! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. 🥰
It's hilarious to see them be wowed by Dean. We've all been amazed and taken with him for all these years so when we look at others realising him, we get a reminder too.
aww that's how I feel about it too! loll 💜 Dean is a BAMF!~
I love how you utilise the human anatomy for emotional significances. Most of us stick to eyes and lips, so this is inspiring.
Oh thank you for pointing that out! It's not something I consciously realized I was doing, but I feel like Dean works with his hands so much, and he makes his choices by what he does, usually with his hands.
This was heartbreaking. Moreso than when she had to repeat these fears back to Dean. Personally, I've been very blessed and fortunate to not be vastly discriminated against. So when I read about caste, creed, religion, or anything else partition love, it sucks. It's so shocking that people would allow love to be broken by these human catagories, I believe.
Oh yes this was very much a different time in history, very fraught with conflict between white Americans and the Native Americans. To our modern eyes it truly is shocking and heartbreaking. 💔
* melts despite fanning herself * I know this is serious, but I love his protective side so much 😭❤️
Hahaa oh yeah, Protective Dean melts me into butter. 🫠🫠
Love has choices and they are so hard to make in reality. In books, we often forget to add these little struggles - I really appreciate how you've enhanced the conflict realistically.
Oh thank you!! I try to think of the scene like I would a movie, figuring out what moments to highlight between characters, especially in fight scenes. 💜
This is so adorable 😭😭❤️. It's like, they need each other, but also they need each other - does that make sense 🫠?
Ahaha I love that! He definitely needs her at this point, emotionally, but also he literally needs her to be his translator. 😂😂
Truth is always in front and centre with these two. I think I've said this before - but I really love how they are without the deceits of the modern era. Truth is just there for one to see and pick up here 🥰❤️.
Oh what a lovely observation! In all of this stuff, even with Dean's characterization, I'm trying to make it feel like a different time period. Even in the way Mila and Dean can't move forward without honesty. 💞
I think you've mentioned doing a list of your favourite "I love you"s before? Well, this absolutely made it to my list now 😂❤️. This was so sweet, just and tender. I adore Dean and Mila too damn much 🫂.
Oh yeah! Ways to Say I Love You. 🥰 I'm so glad/honored this one made your list, because it's not on mine too. Mila and Dean have found such a special place in my heart. 🥹🥹💗
Can't wait for the next chapter, Alex 🙃! (P.S.: I think who that is in the sneak peak 🤣🫣 - I would say, but I don't want to spoil for myself or anyone.)
I so appreciate you for that, lovely!! 🥹 Oh yeah, lol, I think most people can guess who's about to make his guest appearance...
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Outlander - Part 2
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Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC 
Summary: Dean Winchester has been stripped of his military rank, but he’s living happier with his new wife, trying to adjust to a new life in her tribe. What will it take for her people to accept him, especially when the battle for her heart might not be completely won? 
AN: Here we go! Diving deeper into Dean's (mis)adventures, plus a big Protective Dean moment...
Disclaimer: I first got inspired to write The Honorable Choice for @jacklesversebingo after a recent rewatch of Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron (with a tinge of Yellowstone in the mix). I’ve done a fair bit of research for this now ongoing series, both on the Native American Lakota tribe, and on American history during this time in the late 1800s; AKA: the Old West, during the American Indian Wars.
Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: Western AU
Song Inspo: The Spirit Soundtrack
Word Count:��6.4K
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. Mentions of attempted sexual assault (not graphic). Protective Dean, survival situations, derogatory name-calling, hunting (in the traditional sense), angst, blood and violence, hurt/comfort, and romantic fluff and spice.
🐎 Series Masterlist || Bingo Masterlist
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Part 2: What is Home
No matter how Dean tries, somehow he never makes his mark with the arrow. His boot even slips on the tree branch he was perched on, and he falls straight into the mud from this morning’s rain shower.
The other six men wait for him on the ground, and they laugh at him. 
Otaktay is the ringleader today, as he is whenever Šóta isn’t here.
“Get up, wašíču. Watch close,” Otaktay says, in his limited English. He and Takoda smoke their long pipes leisurely and blow smoke rings up in the air.
Wašíču.
Fat taker. Greedy White. By now, Dean knows what that means, and it’s worse than Outlander. It makes his jaw clench and his temper spike.
Otaktay gives Takoda his pipe to hold, then reaches behind his back for his bow and an arrow from his quiver. Dean has noticed that the other men’s bows look a bit bigger than his, but Otaktay called it a “training bow.”
He notches his arrow, pulls it back and lets it fly. It hits up into the tree and spears an apple, pinning it to the trunk.
It’s an impressive move, but Dean just picks himself up and cleans most of the mud from his hands. He knows Mila will have something to say about making a mess of the clothes she made for him.
“All right, fine. I am what I am,” Dean says. He meets Otaktay’s gaze head-on. “But I’ve still been hunting all my life.”
Dean used to keep his knife on his belt, but now he wears the pants and tunics the other men wear, and they either strap their weapons in a leather holster around their thigh or to their ankles. Dean unsheathes the knife he keeps strapped to his thigh. 
And he throws it hard. It cuts straight through a branch and brings an entire bunch of apples to the ground by Takoda’s feet; he even has to jump to avoid them landing on his head. The others murmur to each other, begrudgingly impressed. 
Except for Otaktay. His face remains stoic. 
A whistle breaks the tension in the forest clearing. It’s Šóta, who joins them, coming through on his horse. 
“How is the hunt going?” he asks in English, raising a brow over at the wild boar that lies in the grass. Otaktay and the others killed it this morning, so he’s the one who speaks first. 
“The Outsider will bring a whole bunch of apples to feed his wife. How satisfying,” Otaktay says, with a dry edge of mocking. Dean’s jaw clenches, but he tries not to rise to the bait. 
“Maybe he satisfies her in other ways, brother,” Šóta says. “Maybe that’s why he has a wife, and you don’t.” 
His tone is teasing, but is there a reproaching edge there too? Dean’s lips tug upwards, slightly; he sees that Otaktay simmers at the dig, but he doesn’t dare say anything against Šóta.
“Hey!” Takoda calls out. He points at the boar they mean to take back to the village. A mountain lion slips closer down from a tree. He sinks his teeth into the boar’s thigh and begins to drag it away, farther into the forest.
The sight of the wild cat spooks the men’s horses grazing nearby. Even Baby scatters along with them, braying in distress. But the men hustle into action. Even with mud still clinging to his clothes and his skin, Dean grabs up his bow and arrow and runs to grab his fallen knife. He whistles to Baby and calms her down enough to climb up onto her back. 
The others have already done the same with their horses and are chasing the mountain lion into the woods. It zips up a tree, and Šóta, Otaktay, and the others aim their arrows high. They wait and listen. 
Otaktay releases his arrow first. The cat’s angry shriek fills the clearing from above.
“You got him,” Šóta says.
“Winged him. He’s not dead,” Otaktay says. His brows furrow as he listens closer. 
The cat jumps from the tree and takes Dean to the ground. Baby brays and stamps around, and Dean has to both avoid her hooves and try to keep the mountain lion from sinking his claws or his teeth into his neck. 
Šóta’s eyes widen, but he springs into action by whistling to the men and raising his bow. Before he can shoot, he has to stop short at what he sees. 
A moment later, Dean rolls over and heaves the lion’s dead body off of him. His knife comes out of the animal’s chest, slick and crimson with blood. It runs down his muddy shirt as he pants and heaves for breath.
Šóta gets down from his horse, running his disbelieving eyes over the scene.
Dean looks up and finds a hand offered to him. His gaze travels up further and meets Šóta’s. His eyes are an even darker brown than Mila’s. Dean takes his hand and accepts the help to his feet.
The other men hesitate, stunned into silence, but they get down from their horses and help Dean and Šóta heft the dead animal onto the latter’s horse. They will take it, along with the boar they retrieve from up in the tree, back to camp.
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Mila returns to camp not long before the men. She meant to start prepping for supper, but she becomes sidetracked while playing Chase with the children. As one of the few young women still without children of her own, she tries her best to give the mothers a break in the afternoon, so they can finish washing, mending, cooking, or even just having a rest for themselves. 
Watching their joy, and even helping them up when they fall and cry, makes her wonder when she will finally be blessed with a child. She hopes they will have Dean’s eyes, so pretty and green.
When the men return, she raises her head breathlessly and smiles. It soon dims, however, as she catches sight of Dean. She gets to her feet and ushers the children back to their mothers before she goes to meet him. 
He gives her a sheepish look when he gets off his horse. Her mouth drops open at seeing him covered in mud and sweat and blood. 
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he says, trying to placate her with raised hands. She ignores that and touches his chest, her palms splaying down his stomach as she tries to find a wound. She finds more tears and scratches through his soiled clothes, but no real wounds. Still, she’s not satisfied yet.
“What happened?” she asks. 
“Just a little trial by fire, sweetheart,” Dean says. He grasps her arms to placate her. “Everything’s okay.”
Otaktay pointedly looks away from the scene and moves on along with the other men. Šóta notices, but he goes to his cousin.
“We encountered a thief,” he says, gesturing to the body of the mountain lion they brought back for tonight’s meal. “Dean Winchester not only caught the thief, but made an example of him.”
Mila raises her brows and looks to Dean, as if to say, Is this true? He offers a smile and a shrug. She smiles back.
Šóta rides on, but he glances back and sees how Mila dotes on her husband, touching a gentle hand to his cheek.
In return, Dean holds her by the waist and talks to her with a warmth in his eyes that he only has for her. Or at least, that’s what Šóta finally sees.  
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Mila and Dean head back to their tipi, where she grabs a fresh change of clothing for him. 
“I could’ve gotten it,” he says. 
“You’ll track mud inside,” she points out wryly. She holds the bundle of clothes for him on their way to the river. “All you do is give me mending to do. You can’t keep clean, can’t keep from hurting yourself, can you?”
Dean knows her well enough now to realize her griping isn’t all that serious. She was just worried.
“I guess not,” he says, trying to hide his amusement.
She gives him a stern look, but with that cheeky look of his, she can’t stay upset for long. Her face softens into an exasperated smile, and she gestures towards the river. “Go. Wash yourself up. I will have supper ready soon.”
Dean grabs her hand and makes her drop the change of clothes in the grass. 
“Only if you come with me,” he says. He grabs her and aims to toss her over his shoulder, but she squeals in protest. 
“Dean Winchester! I’ll have nothing to wear if you drop me in the water!” 
Dean pauses, his lips tugging at a smirk. “You make a decent point, but I’m just wondering, do I really care if you’ve gotta walk back naked?” 
“Dean!” she giggles, hitting his shoulder. 
He chuckles and sets her down, but he still doesn’t let her leave. By now, she doesn’t want to. He starts helping her undress, followed by him peeling off his disgusting clothes. He hooks an arm around her waist and hauls her with him into the water. She laughs and tries to escape him by splashing water in his face, but he just spits it out. He chuckles and wipes the excess droplets.
He slips his arms around her waist, holds her tight and floats with her for a bit. He takes in a deep breath and finds peace here with her here in the sun-warmed water. She’s become his peace.
Mila takes his face in her hands and kisses him slowly. When she pulls away and their eyes meet again, she smiles.
“I am proud of you,” she says. “Not just for today, but for every day that you stand strong.”
Dean’s lips quirk with a reluctant smile. He doesn’t take praise very well, but her words make the weight on his shoulders feel a little bit lighter. Holding her flush against his chest, every soft, familiar curve is pressed against him. He leans in and captures her lips again.
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That evening, the tribe gathers for a feast prepared by the Chief’s wives, Mila, and her mother Weaya to celebrate the warriors’ highly successful hunt.
Šóta watches his cousin with her Outlander husband. Dean follows her lead in divvying out portions of the meal, but still at times with a supportive hand on the small of her back. He even takes the large, hot bowl out of her hand to help serve her and her family—including Chatan, who accepts the offered bowl without a word.
Dean Winchester doesn’t sit until Mila does. They talk together with her mother and the others, though Dean mostly keeps to himself while the women chat. He occasionally responds to a direct question or comment, but overall, he seems content to listen. He’s starting to follow more bits of conversation in their language.
At the end of the meal, he stands with Mila and helps her collect bowls that will be washed. The man is confident, but not prideful. He’s hardworking, self-reliant, and has the makings of a warrior. 
However, Šóta is not the only one who watches his cousin and the Outlander.  
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Šóta pulls Dean aside after breakfast the next morning. He takes Dean back to the forest, beyond where the horses are kept in their pen, and puts his own hunting bow in Dean’s hands.  
“Feel the weight of it,” Šóta says. “Does it seem like yours?”
Dean considers it, testing out the strength of the bowstring. “No. It feels heavier.”
“Because it is. We gave you a training bow for children,” Šóta says. He takes the bow from Dean and brings him the one he had tied to a satchel on his horse. “I will give you this one. It belonged to my half-brother, Takoda, before he made his own. I made it for him, and now I give it to you.”
Dean takes the bow. Šóta’s right, it’s taller and heavier than the first one they gave him. Of course they tried to trick him by giving him a kid’s bow. He tries not to be too annoyed about it, because it looks like Šóta’s warming up to him, at least enough to actually train him.
“Thanks,” Dean nods. He runs a hand over the bow and admires the craftsmanship of the wood, smooth and chestnut colored. He already has a quiver full of arrows he’s made himself, but first, Šóta corrects his stance and his posture.
“Your body knows the movements of hold, aim, and shoot, but you think too much,” he says. “How you shoot an arrow is not so different from a gun.”
Dean raises a brow. He begs to fucking differ.
Reading the skeptical look on his face, Šóta smiles.
“My father once told me, ‘A weapon is a weapon is a weapon,’” Šóta continues. “The way you use it might be different, but your mind is the same. Think like the river. Calm and free, yes?”
He throws Dean a thumbs up—something Dean taught him a week ago. Šóta just hasn’t gotten it quite right yet. 
“A river ain’t always calm,” Dean points out. He should know. He almost died on the river in his journey here.
Šóta thinks for a second, tilting his head. “That is fair. Here, let me think of something better—”
“It’s okay, I think I get it. I just gotta relax a bit, is that it?”
“Yes, but stay focused.”
“I can focus. I just need you to back up a little.”
Šóta raises his hands in surrender. He takes a couple of steps back and gestures at a tree to use for target practice. Dean centers himself.
“Remember to breathe,” Šóta says.
Dean shoots him a glance. Again, Šóta holds up his hands, then crosses his arms, pressing his lips together. Dean shifts his gaze back to the target, and he lets out a deep breath. Then he lets the arrow fly. 
It hits just shy of the tree’s center. 
Šóta smiles, giving him another “thumbs up.” 
“Good. Now, again,” he says.
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The morning slowly dips behind the clouds into a golden afternoon. Šóta helps Dean catch and roast a couple of fish by the river, which cuts through the forest. Its waters are choppy and shimmering with the light.
This forest used to run almost all the way to the Black Hills, before the U.S. government began its work on the railroad. The tribe has had to move their village more than once out of self-preservation, like they did when Dean came to them. 
He felt bad for it at the time, but he’s also grateful they made that precaution. The last thing he needs is to run into his old unit, let alone for the army to find out he’s still alive. And the last thing he wants is to endanger these people, especially his wife and her family.
He finishes off his second fish and glances over at Šóta.
“Look, I appreciate your help, but…I’ve gotta wonder why,” Dean says. “You don’t like that I’m here either.”
Šóta pauses in his chewing. He swallows before he answers, looking over at Dean in the eyes.
“It doesn’t matter if I like you,” he says. “You are the man who brought Kimmímila home alive. So, I help you.”
Dean nods. He can respect that. He looks down at the half-eaten meal, then at his hands, calloused and worn. They hold the weight of his past, his choices, and also the man he’s trying to be.
“I won’t hurt her,” he says.
The simple truth is that he’d give his life for hers. No hesitation.
“I know that, Dean Winchester. That is the other reason you are still alive,” Šóta says, with a slight smile. “You are brave. I will give you that.”
Dean smiles. “I guess there’s no winning over the others, is there?” 
At that, Šóta pauses. “You are doing better than you think. The others see you aren’t afraid. They see you work hard, and you try to respect our ways. You just don’t know them. They don’t know you.”
“I get it,” Dean says, nodding. “Like, uh, Otaktay. Right?”
“Ah,” Šóta rubs his clean-shaven chin. “You will have a harder time with him.”
Dean quirks a rueful smile. “What’s his deal?”
“His deal?” Šóta questions.
“His problem,” Dean elaborates, “with me.” 
Šóta sighs sharply. “Our men are warriors bred. Otaktay. His name means, ‘kills many.’”
Dean raises his brows. He slowly inclines his head.
“Riiiight. Of course.” 
“Names have power, Dean Winchester. Otaktay takes his name like a challenge he will win, but he does it to protect our tribe above all else,” Šóta says.
If that weren’t enough, the man levels Dean with a more serious look.
“But there is something else you should know.”
Dean doesn’t think he’s going to like whatever’s coming next. He nods, wordlessly urging Šóta to continue.
“Otaktay has always watched my cousin, admired her spirit and her beauty,” he says. “Mila has known this, and maybe she would have accepted him, had she known…but he planned to ask Chatan, my uncle, for Mila’s hand.”
Dean’s chest tightens, as does his frown. “What happened?”
“She disappeared,” Šóta replies. “When Mato was taken, she couldn’t accept it. She left the village to find him against my uncle’s command. Then she found you.” 
Dean isn’t exactly surprised by that. His wife is many things, defiant chief among them. Also, it makes a lot of things make even more sense. It explains her father’s tough outer shell, and clearly, it means he’ll have to keep a sharper eye on Otaktay.
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She had been successfully avoiding him, until now.
Mila had just left the horses after helping Takoda feed and brush them, and she was planning to wash up before helping her mother and some of the other women cook for the entire tribe again this evening. Today is the last moon of the summer months, and so they’ve been preparing the wild game that the men had hunted for the past two days. Tonight, they will have an even greater feast.
She feels a shadow at her feet as she ventures through the village. They’re getting bigger as a tribe, harder to move when they need to, and it’s more mouths to feed, but it’s also a good thing. Despite all the challenges the past few decades have brought, their people are enduring. 
However, Mila pushes these thoughts to the back of her mind when she feels a prickling down the back of her neck. It’s followed shortly by the strong hand that closes on her wrist, and the man that calls her name. 
She gasps and whips around. He’s there, gently shushing her. She glares at him and tries to pull her hand out of his grip. 
“Ota,” she snaps. “What are you doing?”
“I just want to talk to you,” Otaktay says. His brown eyes are earnest, but he doesn’t let go of her hand. “You have been avoiding me.”
“I can’t be any more honest than I have been,” Mila says, and finally she manages to free herself from his grasp with a sharper tug. “Enough of this.”
She begins to walk away from him. The distance between the horses’ corral and the village is short, just over the gentle slope of a grassy hill and down below…but her cousin isn’t here. Her husband isn’t here. Otaktay believes this is his only chance—his chance to make her see reason. He stops her again, this time with his words.
“Do you think it will be that easy?” he says. “The Outlander will bring death upon us all.”
Mila stops short. She turns on her heel to meet him with a glare. 
“His people think he’s dead,” she says.
Otaktay approaches her with slow, measured steps. “And what if they find him here? Every day their iron caravans invade our lands. Every day their patrols come to take from us, to destroy us. How many of his own do you think he will kill for you?”
He raises a pointed finger. “And your children. Your children with that man will be cursed. Forever in the shadow of two worlds, forced into one, and hated by the other.”
His words pin Mila to the ground by her toes. Her body stills, because she’s shaken deep within. She doesn’t want to believe him, but she also won’t admit that these are the thoughts she’s tried to push from her mind. What she wants most of all is a family of her own. She wants it with her husband. 
But is it fair?
To them.
To him.
To her people.
She doesn’t know, and for that, her lips tremble. Her eyes burn with tears and she raises a trembling hand to her mouth. 
Otaktay draws closer and attempts to hold her hands, but her brows crunch in anger. You!
She pushes him in the dead center of his chest, so hard that it unbalances him. He’s surprised by her ire, and that satisfies her. She shoves him again, more forcefully this time, but he manages to hold his ground. 
“Kimmímila—”
She doesn’t give him the chance to try and placate her. With a cry of effort and frustration, she slaps at his face with all of her strength. It whips the man’s face to the side and even makes him stumble. He raises a hand to his cheek in disbelief. Already his tan skin is reddening, both from the mark of her anger, and from his own.
When she goes to shove him again, he grabs her by the arms to try and subdue her. Her tears are beginning to blind her, but she doesn’t care. The way he holds her tightly makes a flash of dread coil in her stomach.
In her distant mind, she knows Otaktay wouldn’t willingly hurt her. But his grip reminds her of Roman, the officer at Fort Laramie, who took advantage of the way she was tied to a post in their camp. She remembers his rough hands, the wood pressing into her spine. She remembers his hot breath and his chapped lips trying to claim her, his knee pressing between her legs.
Her own breaths come out in shallow gasps as that well of dread grows in her chest, rising into her throat to choke her. Mila punches wildly at Otaktay’s chest and rakes him with her nails. He finally grits his teeth and grabs her tightly by the hair. 
“Enough!” he shouts in her face. 
She matches him, her voice echoing in the clearing. “Let me go!” 
“Not until you calm down!”
He takes her face in his hands. Looking down into her tear-filled eyes, wild and devastated, he begins to feel remorse; but there too is desire and jealousy, deep and twisted together in the oily dark of his soul. Otaktay believes he’s only been selfish once in his life. Kimmímila is that one.
“Let go!” she shakily demands. She struggles against his hold and tries to run away from him, even though she used to run with him, ride with him through the forest on horseback and across the grassy plains instead of doing their chores. He tries to remind her of it now when he bows his head to kiss her. 
He finds himself ripped away—shoved hard enough to land stumbling into the sun-hot grass. 
“Dean!” Mila gasps. She reaches for her husband, even though the clenched set of his jaw and the tightness in his broad shoulders make her wary. She’s not afraid of him though. She just has a terrible feeling that she knows what’s coming next. 
Dean turns his attention to her first, a firm, but gentle grasp of her shoulder.
“You okay?” he asks gruffly. 
She nods, brushing away tears from her cheek. She holds onto his hand. “Yes.”
“Okay, stay back,” he says, releasing her.
She tries to stop him from advancing on Otaktay, but Šóta holds her shoulders with a grim look on his face. He guides her back and at his side. He and Dean have come on horseback. They jumped down to help her. She doesn’t know that they heard her and Otaktay shouting from several yards away, their voices carried on the wind.
Dean hadn’t been able to understand the words, but Šóta’s sense of urgency and the shrill, angry panic in Mila’s voice spurred him on, urging Baby to a full gallop down the hill. Seeing her tears was one thing, but while he saw Otaktay, in his mind, Dean also saw the night that Roman tried to force himself on her.
The rage that compels Dean now is different from the anger he had then. Back at the camp, he was just doing what he felt was right. Today, this is a protective call for blood. 
Otaktay had barely gotten back to his feet, but the upward swing of Dean’s fist cracks across his chin and sends him back down to the ground. He seethes, with blood in his teeth, but he angrily swipes Dean’s legs from underneath him. It becomes a grapple for leverage as the men tussle in the grass, trading swift punches. Otaktay kicks Dean hard in the stomach to gain some distance, rocking back onto his feet. Dean stumbles slightly, but he does the same.
“Stop!” Mila shouts in protest. Šóta holds her back. Despite her wildness before, she doesn’t want either of them dead. She fears more for her husband, but not because she doesn’t believe in him. She’s afraid of what will happen if Otaktay is killed. 
He plays dirty, spitting in Dean’s face. Dean matches by throwing an elbow into the other man’s throat, grabs his arm, then pivots and heaves him over his shoulder onto the ground. For a moment, Otaktay lies there winded on his back. Dean pins him there with his heavier weight bearing down on him. 
Otaktay sneaks a hand from the sheath strapped to his thigh and twists a knife into his hand. Šóta and Mila both see it, him with a tight frown and her with widening eyes.
She calls out in alarm, but Dean reacts fast. He strikes at Otaktay’s wrist and grabs his arm. A swift elbow and Otaktay’s knee in Dean’s gut forces him to the side, heaving a grunt. Otaktay gains the better position as he presses a knee right over Dean’s chest. He grunts at the impact; it threatens to break a rib. The knife becomes poised over Dean’s face in the struggle, nearing his neck. 
“Otaktay!” Mila calls out sharply, a warning and a plea all at once. 
He hears her. For just a second, he allows himself to glance up at her and see what lies in her eyes. He knows her fear is not for him. 
Still, anger overcomes his heart. He calls out a battle cry and puts his entire strength into bringing the knife down. Dean allows it with gritted teeth, but he positions his hands in just the right way to guide the man’s arm just to the right of his neck, slicing shallowly into his skin. The knife sinks into the earth.
Dean throws a punch that lands across the Lakota’s cheek, then another, and it allows him to kick the man in his ribs, sending him backwards with a heavy grunt. Dean grabs the knife out of the ground, and when he rolls onto his feet, he slashes at the other man’s chest. It isn’t deep enough to be fatal, but it’s enough to make him bleed red rivulets. 
Otaktay works harder than ever, trading blows and kicks that Dean can’t always dodge. But eventually, Dean hooks a boot behind the other man’s ankle and unbalances him enough to drive him to the ground. He shifts the position of the knife and brings it flush to Otaktay’s throat. 
His eyes widen; he never expected to be bested by the Outlander. The sharp edge of the blade bites into his skin, cutting a thin line of blood dripping down to his collarbone.
They’re both heaving for breath, sweaty, bloody, and bruised. It’s then that Dean realizes that they’ve attracted a small crowd. At the center of it is Chief Tahatan. He’s watching closely, his face unreadable, along with one of his wives. A few men stand beside him, namely Mila’s father, Chatan, Takoda, and some of the women too. Šóta whispers to them, explaining why the men are fighting.
Even Dean knows that by the customs of their tribe, he’s well within his rights to end this the way his hand in itching to—by sinking the blade into Otaktay’s jugular. Maybe it will finally earn him respect. Maybe it won’t. 
He glances up and finds Mila’s eyes. She stands frozen with her heart in her throat. All she sees is him. And she’s the only one Dean means to answer to. 
He raises the knife—and he brings it down into the earth beside Otaktay’s head.
The warrior inhales sharply, his brows furrowing in shock and confusion. He stares up at Dean, who looks down at him with the remnants of jaw-clenching anger. In that moment, they come to an understanding. 
Dean pulls back and straightens up, with just a small shake in his bowed legs. His gait steadies as he makes his way back to his wife. 
Šóta lets go of Mila so she can go to meet Dean. She runs her hands over his chest and arms, trying to find injuries she may not have seen before. Her fingers trace around places that are already becoming bruises, but Dean just holds her, taking pains to soften himself. His arms around her are secure, but not too strong. She’s just grateful that he isn’t hurt too badly.
“You okay?” he makes sure. 
Mila nods, despite the tears shining in her eyes. “Yes.”
Her parents watch them closely, even though the couple doesn’t realize it.
Behind them, Takoda shakes his head at his friend, but he dutifully helps Otaktay to his feet. Šóta crosses his arms and levels him with a cold look. 
“Take him to Eyota,” he says. 
“Yes,” Tahatan agrees, his voice deep and grave. “Tell her what her son has done here.”
The rest of Otaktay’s anger drains when he looks up at his chief. He says nothing, and can’t hold the older man’s gaze for long. He reluctantly leans on his friend to help him up and over the grassy hill, down to the village. The others gathered there wait to see what Tahatan will do next. He approaches Mila and Dean. 
“A good man protects his family above his own life. A warrior protects his tribe, even at the cost of blood,” Tahatan says. He looks directly at Dean. “But an honorable man knows when to show mercy.”
Dean’s heart begins to beat fast again. He hadn’t known that his choice was the right one, until now. He’s able to keep his head high without being arrogant. He just isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say. 
“Dean Winchester, you will be called Ikíphi,” Tahatan declares.
Dean blinks in surprise, and also confusion when he notices the way Mila begins to weep silent tears. He tightens his arm around her waist in a wordless question, but she just smiles at him.
“Uh, what does that mean?” he whispers the question to her.
She opens her mouth to respond, but her father is the one who answers. Chatan rests a hand on his daughter’s shoulder.
“Worthy,” he says. 
He meets Dean’s gaze and holds it, giving him a nod of acknowledgement. Dean gives the gesture back to him in kind, and to Tahatan as well. Then Chatan takes his leave, walking back to camp with Weaya, Šóta, and the Chief. The others whisper Ikíphi, offering their nods of respect to Dean before they follow suit, until it’s only Mila and Dean left in the clearing.
She pulls out of his hold just to take his hand. She looks ahead rather than at him.
“Come,” she says. 
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Something’s wrong. Dean knows it in his gut.
He and Mila bathe together in the river again, but even though she helps him by washing his back, she’s quiet and distracted. He asks her if she was hurt. She tells him she wasn’t. That’s the only time she looks him in the eyes. 
Later, they return home thoroughly exhausted. Dean starts up a small fire for the coals to help dry them off the rest of the way. 
“There is a feast tonight,” Mila reminds him while she sits on the bedding, brushing through her long, damp hair. Dean sits near the fireplace and uses his knife to shave. He glances her way and lets out a deep breath. 
“I don’t know if I’m up for a party,” he admits. 
She surprises him by agreeing. “I’m tired too. I think Tahatan will understand if we stay in.”
Dean quirks a brow. She loves it when the tribe comes together for mealtimes. For days, she’s been telling him about moon feasts—the music, the games, the antics her cousins get up to, performing stories for the children and whoever else indulges them. 
So Dean gets up and goes over to her. He swipes her hair aside and lays a kiss on her shoulder. She keeps brushing her hair, so he keeps up his path of kisses along her neck, nibbling her ear. She laughs a little and flinches at the ticklish feeling, making him smile. He wraps his arms around her from behind, and she sighs, succumbing to the feeling of him warm at her back. She settles against his chest. 
“You sure you’re okay?” he asks. 
Her smile fades, though he can’t see it. “I should ask you that.”
“I’m fine, baby,” he says, shaking his head. 
“Well, maybe you should not be fine,” she says in a smaller voice. 
Dean pauses, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean by that?”
Mila gently pushes his arms away from her. She stands up and creates distance between them. She crosses her arms to hold herself, not even daring to look back at him. 
“I mean that…maybe you should go home, back to your people,” she says. She manages to keep her voice steady, even though she’s breaking her own heart.  
Dean gets up to his feet, alarm and unease coiling in his stomach. He grasps her elbow and comes around to see her face, and when he does, he sees the truth. Tears shine in her eyes, slipping down with every blink. His furrowed brows ease somewhat, but he still needs answers. He holds her by her arms and stares into her soulful brown eyes.
“Mila, what’s going on? Your family, the Chief, even your dad—they’re all starting to accept me now. Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asks. “What happened today, it’s a one-off, okay? For damn sure, Otaktay’s not touching you again—”
“It’s not that,” Mila says with a sniffle. She holds herself tighter, trying not to let Dean’s concern, his touch, or the intensity of his green eyes affect her so much. 
“Today we have peace, but how long will that last?” she says. “And…and our children. Will they be accepted too? Or will they never find their place, caught between two worlds, but never belonging to either one.”
Mila succumbs to quiet, shuddering sobs. Her trembling hands try to cover her face from him.
Dean’s face gentles. He feels like he’s been kicked in the chest (again). He gathers her to his chest and holds her closely. In the entire month he’s been living here, he hasn’t thought too much about kids. Not in any real way…
Well, okay. Maybe he has, whenever he sees Mila caring for the children of the village for their mothers. Or when they run past him, laughing, playing imaginary games. He would smile, remembering how he and Sam used to drive their mom crazy tearing around the farm when they were little. 
In fact, the thought warms him now. Dean cradles the back of Mila’s head and runs his fingers through her hair. He imagines her holding a little boy who has her dark hair and eyes, and maybe Dean’s chin. He thinks she’d be a good mom.
I wish Mom could meet her, he thinks.
“Sweetheart, look at me,” he says. He pulls away so he can see Mila’s eyes again, honey-brown and shiny with tears. “I can’t go home. I’m already here.”
Mila can’t help but soften, her lower lip trembling. He caresses her cheek; a gentle thumb brushes away stray tears. 
“So it might get harder,” he says. “Maybe we are doomed to fail. Or just maybe, our kids are the ones who are gonna make the peace stick.” 
Mila’s fingers curl into his shirt. She holds onto him, and he can see that her reservations are finally breaking down. He squeezes her waist and earns her gaze on him. 
“All I know is, you’re my wife ‘til the day I die,” he says, more firmly. “I’m not going anywhere without you. You understand me?” 
Another watery path finds its way down Mila’s cheek, but she wipes it away. Her sweeter smile peaks through, along with the amused gleam in her eyes. 
“I understand,” she replies. Her voice is mostly steady; the small quake is no longer uncertainty, just heartfelt emotion. “You take your vows seriously.”
“That’s right,” Dean nods, his lips hinting at a smile. “And you promised me something too last night, remember?”
Her brows furrow as she considers the question. But then, it dawns on her. 
You will never be alone.
Her small smile returns, and she nods.
“Yes. I’m sorry…I should not let fear blind me to the truth.” She takes his hand from where it lies on her waist, and she guides it to rest over her heart. “You live here now, in my spirit.”
Dean has never heard the words I love you said quite like that before. It warms places inside him that he didn’t know were all that cold and dark. For her, he could try to put into words what that means to him, but words aren’t his strong suit. He’s never been that good at letter writing or giving speeches. That, he always left to Sam, or Benny. 
Above all, Dean is a man of action. 
He takes her face gently in his calloused hands, and he kisses her. He gives her everything in that all-consuming kiss, and he hopes she understands what he’s trying to say. 
I’m home.
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AN: This might feel like the end, but we have two more parts left! As you can see, Dean's doing his best lol. Do you think he made the right choice with Otaktay? There might be more drama ahead, plus, a special guest finally joins the cast...
Next Time:
Her smile drops with a sharp inhale of breath. 
She hears hoof falls on the earth. A horse treads nearby. 
Slowly, she lowers the wet clothing back into the basin. She sees two reflections growing on the water: a horse and a man. The man gets down from his horse first. 
“Hey there, miss—”
Mila swiftly turns and unsheathes the knife she keeps strapped to her ankle. 
Pronunciation Guide:
Wašíču ("wash-ee-jew") Šóta ("sho-tah") Chatan ("chat-tan") Tahatan ("ta-hat-tann") Otaktay ("ogh-tac-tay") Weaya ("we-ayy-ya") Takoda ("ta-koda") Mato ("matt-toe") Misae ("mee-sah-eh")
Read Part 3 on Patreon now!
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prapaiwife · 3 days ago
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Johan's love for North, aka my rant, on how much I love them😭😭😭😭
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Johan and North story is truly the saying of the right person wrong time. Johan had fallen for someone who never met him who never even did anything for him. But yet 3 years ago, these two didn't know of each other's existence! didn't know that they lived down the street down each other. It's this same person that johan will go instructed by his grandmother to get his breakfast in the morning at a stall. All of that and yet Johan just from him seeing North personality and his values and how he talks so maturely and his non judgmental attitude about life and people in general. The one scene when North was talking to his friend about rich people and he gave this well thought out answer. Basically, saying that those who are born rich may have it easier and don't have to work as hard. But he also said those who aren't rich do have to work harder to strive for what they want but as well he thinks it's not bad if the person that is well love still wants to be able to pursue with they want and not so much clean too their parents wealth that was already given to them since birth. And ever since that conversation, his whole perspective on his life changed, and he started to want to be around North more even if they never really talked face to face. He would stay with him long hours at the gaming room so he wouldn't be alone because North was scared of ghosts. He would bring him snacks because he knows that as long as he sits there, he does get hungry. He adored so much about him just by looking at him playing his video games lol he was truly falling.But North was in a relationship and kn the midst of that relationship he was struggling because he felt like he was the only one happy. North only wanted to be a sanctuary for his person, a place for them to rest. As we watch the show, we see North and his carefree and userious about life personality but also that person who is there for his friends whenever.for much he literally is one of the most uncomplicated people. And so when he went through that break up, it really stung him it was first heartbreak. And he really was committed to her. And johan is getting that call from his friend telling him that this may be his last chance to ever see him because North was going to go abroad to the States. Again, this man makes this gesture be something that sticks with North for the rest of the time in the show to come. When he saw North completely heartbroken after the breakup from afar he didn't even approach him still and also he just didn't want to make it seem like he will be soothing in and taking advantage of the situation. So he gives in his watch to get him the ducky what the simple message on it to tell him to smile. The smiles that Johan has been keeping and saving for himself the last 3 years the last thing he wanted to see before North left was just him smile even after he just went through something so heartbreaking. If he can put that smile on his face, which is all he wants to do, then it will make him feel really good 🤧 to say that Johan is obsessed with North is an understatement. He was never really truly obsessed it was just more so of a devotion to him. North had a place in his heart and even though he didn't have a chance back then he still did everything that he could to keep north happy when he knew about the troubles in his relationship he didn't break it up he didn't take advantage of it at any time that he could have he simply just waited. Johan changed completely because of North and wanted to be the best version of himself for him. He says, "If I want to be with him, then I need to be someone that is compatible for him." So, to see them here now with his second chance to pursue him, and it all fell into place. North is getting so emotional after the whole story and questioning how and why he waited for him. Why he loves him why he did all of this and Johan is just telling him that you are my inspiration. You make me want to be better. Their love story is so beautiful to me. I have grown a big spot in my heart for them 🥹
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gogodollie · 2 days ago
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um so actually this was supposed to be a silly post but then i remembered how crazy this music video was making me the other day
like. okay it can be Assumed that sister has a tendency to run from her problems between the synopsis for comic #2 (fleeing to europe because of her stepdad), hiding the pregnancy, and then hiding the parentage of copia until nihil was near death/already dead. these are all skeletons in her closet that She holds the weight of and doesn’t acknowledge them until she’s forced to. i mean at the very least the baby thing was something she’d been hiding from for a long time and felt for whatever reason that she couldn’t share the weight of it.
so she was in Full flight response here and i do think a good part of it was just anger towards nihil for his unfaithfulness at such a sensitive moment (also assuming that she had just recently found out about the pregnancy). like. it’s really crazy that she doesn’t attack him until she’s Provoked. the exception to this would be when she grabs the guitar but there’s a chance he was still trying to talk to her when his back is turned. but she’s actively being pursued by this dickwad so i mean it’s not that crazy for her to do what she can to get away from him and create the distance that she’s used to (even if this means hurting him to give herself that space). nihil’s efforts to slow her down are like honestly kind of crazy like grabbing someone’s ankle while on a ladder is so genuinely deserving of being kicked off and so is being hit after grabbing someone’s paddle😭
but nihil Knows her. i don’t think sister was all that open about her past and what she had gone through before they’d met but they were married. he lived with her. it makes perfect sense that he would understand her tendency to run and he knew he couldn’t leave things as they were and was seeking forgiveness + closure for both of them because she wouldn’t give him the chance to do so otherwise.
and it Is nihil’s persistence that allows sister to forgive him in the moment (at least long enough to fuck in that coffin and then. stumble to universal studios and fuck again). that dynamic exists and works for them because it’s just how nihil shows his love and it’s how sister knows he’s serious about it, even if he’s being a total fuck up and kissing other women. she hit him with a fucking car and he still came crawling after her. their regular back and forth, the whole thing about older sister playing hard to get and being mean/teasing nihil is literally just how they love. which obviously isn’t healthy or whatever but who gaf it’s romantic and they clearly don’t mind. nihil is willing to get hurt to love her because to her that’s just a test of his devotion and love for her.
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acebportgas · 1 year ago
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7 comfort films, 7 tags
Tagged by @nadjaofstatenisland 💖
1. Spirited away
2. Star trek (2009)
3. Newsies (1992)
4. My cousin Vinny
5. How the grinch stole Christmas (2000)
6. Howls moving castle
7. A Cinderella story
Tags:
I fr don't want to bother anybody, but like if anybody wants to do it, you're v free to do it and tag me 💕💕💕
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cto10121 · 1 month ago
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Book Fiyero: *immediately recognizes Elphaba and stations himself at the backdoor to prevent her from evading him, stalks her halfway across town to her aerie (even though at that point in time she was only a college friend he hadn’t seen in five years), insists on seeing her again, instinctively goes to comfort her when she first cries, gets sucked into increasingly deep and fraught conversations with her about collateral damage and freedom fighter terrorism, calls her the “most individual, the most separate, the most real” DURING AN ARGUMENT, says he adores Elphaba’s looks IN THAT SAME ARGUMENT, doesn’t understand Elphaba’s “being born with a talent or an inclination for goodness is the aberration” comment because (implied) he sincerely believes Elphaba isn’t evil, changes his mind about the plight of the Animals all by himself but doesn’t mention it to Elphaba because he is afraid she would distance himself from him, buys scarves for both his wife and Elphaba even though only Elphaba likes scarves, is so concerned for Elphaba and her dangerous Lurlinemas Eve mission that he stalks her instead of staying at his club or just leaving town altogether, and is so worried about her that he returns to the aerie just to see her*
Also Book Fiyero: Am I in love with Elphaba?
#😭😭😭😭😭😭#wicked#wicked meta#wicked book#faeyero#fiyeraba#re reading wicked and i am crying#maybe the musical was right all along in making him the scarecrow#jk fiyero’s wicked smart no pun intended#i think he was protecting himself subconsciously from heartache#because he had sarima and the kids#if he got in too deep with elphie…well…#but sarima believing he was a little in love with glinda makes me laugh so hard. so off base#honestly the intensity with which fiyero just latched onto elphaba when he sees her again. real I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE HER AGAIN vibes#it almost makes me wonder#because it’s been five years dude#crope saw her too#but he didn’t stalk her halfway across town just to say hi#and he knew her for much less time than glinda boq crope AND tibbett. they literally had only (1) line of dialogue during the shiz years#don’t get me wrong#typically when you have to ask yourself if you love that person the answer is usually no#but i think in this case actions speak louder than words#no shade to musical fiyero btw he also got the sauce. especially bailey!fiyero oh god#but book fiyero is something else#‘my wife is from nest hardings’ ELPHABA WAS BORN IN NEST HARDINGS#he could have said ‘my girlfriend or friend or cousin’ but nooo it had to be wife#also the fact that he refused to sleep with sarima’s sisters or be unfaithful to sarima because he didn’t want to compromise his power#but then sleeps with elphaba when she sheds (1) tear#i’ll shut up now
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fromtheseventhhell · 2 months ago
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Remember George's outline notes that had "joy of giving" and "mercy at the gate" for Arya? Mercy is crossed out and we obviously have that as her sample chapter, so what if Arya's next alias is "Joy"? Over-thinking the significance of that phrase and how it could apply to the rest of her Braavos arc🤔
#arya stark#asoiaf#something something /joy of giving/ could align with /all men must serve/ and Arya's apprenticeship with the courtesans#Arya learns more about courtly manners and becomes more comfortable with engaging in highborn spaces#while becoming more privy to Braavosi politics and how that connects to her responsibilities/identity as a Stark#when I imagine Arya reclaiming her identity I imagine it coming with her acceptance of even the /hard/ parts of her identity#I think Ned's words about /summer games/ and growing up will be incredibly relevant to her here#her reclaiming her identity while ignoring the /Lady/ aspect of it makes no sense...especially considering how often we're reminded of it#literally every time she reveals her identity it comes with people acknowledging her highborn status#one thing that makes me wish we had on-page Cat/Arya interactions cause I think her twow arc will be heavy on remembering Ned's words 😭#imagine her reuniting with Jeyne before she knows Bran+Rickon are alive and deciding to reclaim her identity at the unmasking festival#I have a pet theory that she could end up /taking responsibility/ for Jeyne's marriage to Ramsay in order to offer some protection to Jeyne#I think it fits considering she has a very protective nature and could feel guilty since she had the opportunity to reveal herself to Roose#basically I want the reclamation of her identity to be incredibly personal and about her feelings + values#which is why I like to imagine it happening before she's aware rickon+bran are alive but after she gets news that Jon is dead#I want her motivation to return home to be primarily about her internal development while outside factors are supporting#/need/ Arya exploring and accepting her identity in her own way#deciding to be Arya while her family is lost to her and that identity is connected to an unwanted marriage would feel so significant#(and yes it was Jeyne that was married to Ramsay but it was Arya's name used and it's still (partially) about/will impact her)#anyways I think about Arya's Braavosi arc a normal about can you tell? 😀#one day I won't put the majority of my post in the tags but today is not that day#I definitely thought too hard about this though that's why I have to hide it lol
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thebirdandhersong · 4 months ago
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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ghostpebble · 4 days ago
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playing the wii werehog stages makes my arms so sore
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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moe-broey · 6 months ago
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I don't think this is Moe's first offense (saying something brazen/flippant) but I do think it's the first time it's called the King a bitch. And it won't be the last! The funniest part of Anna being the one to take charge and chew Moe out is that it gives Moe the opportunity to do The Exact Same Thing to Alfonse one-on-one (you know... to test the waters... to see how he feels about it....). Which it is. Also promptly chastised for.
FAVE PANELS...
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#fire emblem#feh#moe really is. a type of guy. it immediately gets scared when anna first corrects it. so what does it do? dig the hole deeper. double down.#THAT REALLY IS MOE'S BRAVE FACE.... playing dumb or getting oppositional. sometimes both.#but it is NOT confrontational... epitome of i'm just a little birthday boy. EXTREMELY annoying type of guy LMFAOOO#i feel like anna has been v patient w moe up until this point. like this has to be a three strikes you're OUT situation.#and both alfonse/sharena have been such hard working straight and narrow types that. they have never seen anna like that.#I REALLY THINK. it's like. anna is The Literal Commander Of A Military Unit and also given her background#more or less she could have been killed for having an attitude like that. hypothetically. we don't know her background. BUT THEORETICALLY..#i like to imagine it does come from a place of that though.#also moe may be an authority hating shithead but it does VERY quickly come to respect anna actually.#you have to Earn it. be Worthy of it. it sees that anna is extremely capable and skilled and fair. it respects that.#so like... i think it genuinely doesn't want to upset or disappoint her. however... it does have ... moe tendencies.#anyways even though i'm in between a dozen things i just had to draw this out and i'm so happy i did tbh#i don't really know how anna feels about moe. but it IS extremely funny to imagine moe is just torn asunder by her at one point#AND. IT FULLY DESERVED IT. it is taking the L here.#ALSO THE FACT THAT ALFONSE IS PISSED TOO. IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME. moe you just fucked up big time#IT WAS TRYING. TO BE NICE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#fe alfonse#sharena#fe anna#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics#also that is. a whole other comic. moe committing the offense again and getting sternly corrected#until it's like ooooohhh. wait. you actually respect your dad... okay. um. let me think of something else to say#LMFAOOO... i think third time's a charm. it doesn't dare say that to sharena. what if she cries. moe is also gonna cry. and thrup
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unriding · 27 days ago
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Me sneaking into your asks with this drabble:
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Disclaimer: I have yet to get a good grasp of Moze's character so this might be a bit OOC and on your side as well (sorry). I did my best. Also, this was inspired by the post you made abt telling Moze your tasks for the day | 600+ words (not proofread)
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In Moze's eyes, you reminded him of a dog catching a case of the zoomies.
You were quite literally everywhere. He'd find you talking to someone one moment before you're rushing off to do something else entirely the next. It seemed like you had quite a lot on your plate as of recently. Tasks, things you wanted to do, and so much more spinning around that mind of yours. You've told him a bit of your plans so he has a general idea. But seeing you juggling all of those tasks at once makes both admiration and concern bloom in his chest.
One time, Moze found you carrying a box filled with items. It would've been amusing to him how comical it was that the items piled so high— he could barely see you behind it. However, he did worry right after given how you almost tripped over something. He managed to catch you and the items before both came crashing all over the floor.
He insisted on helping you carry the items to wherever its destination was. It took a bit of pursuasion on his side. Convincing you that it truly wasn't a bother to him at all, and that he'd be very much glad to be of assistance to you.
"I need to get these delivered first. Then go stop by the shop to buy some things. After that…" You go on to ramble about the things you had to do to help get a better vision on what else you had to do. "Oh, no… I messed up." The smile on your face dropping at the thought that had slipped your mind until that moment. "I forgot to invite Jiaoqiu to dinner with the others—"
"It's tomorrow evening, right? He knows. I mentioned it last time when I spoke to him." Moze says with a calm tone.
You blink at him, slightly caught off-guard by the man beside you. Though it's immediately replaced with relief and gratitude. The smile on your face already back, lighting up your features once more. Infectious as always, it makes the corners of his lips tug upwards as well. A small part of him feels quite proud to have been able to help you ease your worries even by a bit.
And this is when you start noticing it.
Did you mention that you're running out of a certain skincare product, but you can't find the time to stop by the store to buy it? Moze conveniently has to stop by near the store and buys it for you. Did you also mention that you wanted to do a certain task but keep forgetting about it? He gently reminds you about it via message or verbal if he's nearby. Did you also happen to mention that you've been meaning to try out a certain desert from a cafe, but the schedule simply doesn't seem to allow you? No fear, he passes by the store to buy you the treat.
Moze doesn't see you as someone incapable of handling things by yourself. To him, he simply sees it as a way to show his care. If making a quick stop somewhere, sending you a small reminder of something you had to do that day, or even helping you out with the tasks you need to accomplish, makes you smile? Gives you a chance to take a break? Let you worry less about the things you need to do? It's worth it in his eyes.
He does his best to avoid making you feel like you're bothering or troubling him (you really aren't). Most of the time, he does them discrcetly and casually. Partially, since he's also scared that you'll think he's weird or a creep for acting like that.
Please don't think of him badly.
Moze truly means well.
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#🐦‍⬛🐕 .#彡 cy!#彡 inbox.#彡 cherishing.#excuse me cy 🥹🥹🥹 you wrote a drabble based off a vague little post i made about moze 🥺🥺 HOW WILL I EVER THANK YOU 🥺🥺 that is so sweet ?! ?!#600+ words ?!?! CY !!!!!! THANK YOU ?!?????!!!!!! IM IN SHOCK /pos IM STARING AT MY SCREEN LIKE 🥹🥹🥹🥹 YOURE SO KIND YOURE SO SO SO KIND !!!!#‘you reminded him of a dog catching a case of the zoomies’ HANSNDJDN i want to be his dog 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ and !! i have to say — the energy rush a#him is so real T T HE IS JUST SO FUN HES SO SWEET HES so awesome he’s so lovable — zoomies is inevitable with mr shadow guard of the yaoqin#im smiling so hard at the ‘you were quite literally everywhere’ AAAAAEEEE there is much to explore !!! THIS IS SO CUTE THOUGH IM SO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#THE CARRYING THE BOX SCENE ?!???!???? this reminds me of one of previous jobs i had ajanskdkxk YOU DONT REALLY NEED TO SEE . YOU CAN PEER#AROUND THE BOX — BUT MOZE SEEING ME IN SUCH A STATE IS SO EMBARRASSING/pos omg he caught me x0x IM BRIGHT RED AT THIS THOUGHT SHSNJDCJ also#cy !!! i will say that i love your writing and you put down your thoughts ….. this is such a cute read and my heart is so soft reading this#truly truly thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to write something as sweet as this for me ?!?! i am so blown away and so#thankful AND SO EMOTIONAL AND SO HAPPY oh )))): thank you thank you thank you thank you cy!!!! i adore you infinitely 🥹🥹🥹🤍🤍🤍#NOOOOO HE DOESNT NEED TO HELP ME CARRY IT ALL THE WAY THERE 🥹🥹🥹 SURELY SUCH A THING IS NOT IN HIS JOB DESCRIPTION#even if it was i would feel bad !!! T T oh my god please cy this image of him insistently that he’ll help is making me so red /pos he’s so#sweet ))): OH MY GOD AND THE RAMBLING SJSNSNDKXKKS IM REALLY SO RED AND FLUSTERED READING FHIS SKNSNDNX HES LISTENING TO IT 😭😭😭 HE IS#PERCEIVING ME 😭😭😭😭 but i do think my nervous chatter would activate in his presence — oh cy that would be so awful — to talk and talk and#talk his ear off :’) OMG OMG HE ALREADY TOLD JIAOQIU 😭😭😭 SAVIOR MOZE life saver moze i am indebted !!! TWICE NOW . THE BOX AND NOW THIS#him feeling proud ?! 🥹🥹 there is much more for him to feel proud about ! for example — how resilient he is / how strong he is / how kind he#is / how … i should not continue HIM KNOWING WHAT SKINCARE PRODUCTS I USE ????????? AND CHECKING WHEN IT RUNS LOW ??? ))))))): AND THE REMI#REMINDERS * MEAN SO MUCH TO ME OH CY ))): YOU ARE TOO TOO TOO KIND IM SO HONORED TO HAVE RECEIVED SUCH A GIFT insjdjxnj ))): cy !!!!!!!!!!#THE DESSERT …. I LOVE CINNAMON OR LEMON DESSERTS …… oh he is ))): he is too kind )): YOU!! ARE TOO KIND CY !!!!!! I WILL SOB INTO MY HANDS#BECAUSE THIS IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY AND )))): !!!! omg ))):#HE IS SO SWEET . HE MEANS WELL ???? I LOVE HIM I LOVE YOU I LOVE HIM I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU BOTH !!!!! i think i would genuinely burst into#tears thinking about him doing anything for me to :’) ease up some days :’) IM JUST :’) this is so thoughtful and so :’) im so incoherent a#and these tags are so messy — im just so happy and have read this like ten times over !! and go -> 🥹🥹 each and every time#thank you cy !!! ): from the very bottom of my heart!!!! you are such a skilled writer and you have such a kind heart#i saw your post about drabbles for friends and oh — im hugging you so tight — thank you for being so sweet to everyone ): i adore you so mu
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skyburger · 10 months ago
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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die
#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf#because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series#anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years#fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself#but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary#and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS#so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post#MY POINT HERE. my point here#IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY#its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again#and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w#she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all#and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only#anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level#and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change#anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level#I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post#anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today#scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died#muffin mumbles
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sovonight · 2 years ago
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#ohhhhhhh i really do dislike the tonal shift in bg2/tob so much........ and by that i mean mostly in xan's mod 😭#i mean maybe the sense of betrayal and disappointment is immersive but it really leaves me with No idea what to do with him#in my version of radri's story. like. do i do my best even with all the parts i find ooc? do i cherry pick what i want and forget the rest?#and even after all my complaints i keep thinking back to his author. the fact that somehow this is the *intended* experience#currently feeling like the necromancer who resurrected their wife and is convinced she came back wrong but who just never truly knew her#i keep going back to 'estel'amin'. the fact that xan named charname his hope--and then quickly stopped using that name for her#once her bhaalspawn nature continued to affect her life after the conclusion of bg1#so--basically--i'm to assume that he changed his mind? she's no longer his hope; his light; and if she is it's rare#he just calls her beautiful now; something far more shallow#and the fact that in tob he vacillates between subtly criticizing her for her nature which she has no control over#(and which in radri's case she has never even willingly given in to)--#and attempting to comfort her after her nature makes bad things happen to her & around her#--but then his comfort is once again undermined by the aforementioned shallow compliments#it's coming across as 'i love your body despite what you are in spirit' and really isn't a great look at all#look maybe i'm crazy but in bg1 i got the impression that he was able to accept and move past it fairly quickly#like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time'#but in bg2 he spends most of his time lamenting about how hard it must be for her to live like this#while also pointing it out as a personal flaw of hers. as if she'd had any say in who her father was#like there are npcs literally shouting 'i hate all bhaalspawn!' and here he is--supposedly her closest supporter--#also subtly saying 'i hate bhaalspawn' right to her face#when literally as a neutral alignment and as a companion of 1-2 years-- he should actually have THE most nuanced take on her???#in bg1 he says murder is unavoidable in the life of an adventurer. then in tob he comments that charname kills everyone haphazardly--#--as though in another jab to her nature. meanwhile as a constant companion he should know better than anyone that it wasn't so simple#idk. i'm almost feeling gaslighted by the narrative in a sense#because when everyone else talks about xan in bg2/tob--including charname via the dialogue options/written internal dialogue--#they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc#meanwhile he's literally the most emotional guy in the game. like. he's freaked out SO many times#so?? how am i supposed to take anything here genuinely?? how am i supposed to engage??? SIGH#anyway today's my first day at my new job and i have to wake up in 2 hours & im certain that i'll be too nervous to eat today#my goal for today is just to not be fired 👍 12 hours from now it will be over...
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kuromi-hoemie · 2 years ago
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i didn't immediately get a follow-up text saying someone i hung out with had a good time
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