#I like their relationship a lot it’s very interesting to see them rebuild it somehow

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

I’ve finally found a Chinese drama where I really like the female lead

[the-violet-galaxy]

On the topic of Ruin

EDIT: Just for reference, with further updates a few of these opinions have changed, but a lot of the sentiment is the same. (I also hadn't watched everything from the show yet, so my knowledge of some of the lore was spotty).

-

So. We just learned a lot about Ruin, didn’t we? The big twist and who he was all along.

Let me say, I adore this show! The story has been incredible and I’ve been at the edge of my seat the whole time. It’s been fascinating going back and forth about Ruin, listening to the arguments about whether he was good or evil. And when he was revealed to have built Eclipse all along, it was a matter of whether he did so knowingly or not.

But. Now we know for certain that Ruin did it willingly, and he was 100% aware, and faking being nice the whole time; and even if I WANT to hold out hope for him, there keep being less and less ways for Ruin to somehow be good or redeemed at the end of this. It seems Ruin might be confirmed 100% to be evil through and through, no Jekyll and Hyde, second personality, or return of the virus, like a lot of us had hoped.

And… I don’t know if I like this twist.

… Sadly, I can't say I do.

And I’d like to give my thoughts why! I have a lot to say, both from the perspective of a Ruin fan and from a storytelling perspective. So there's lots of analysis and personal feelings mixed together down here!

(And of course, there is still more to be revealed, but this is how it stands now.)

My first point is that it loses the show of a very good character.

Ruin was a great character! He was so unique in his personality, traits, and mannerisms compared to the rest of the cast, and his interactions with others were tons of fun.

It also just made a ton of sense to have him around: he is basically Canon Eclipse from the Ruin DLC, so letting him be here is just a Big Brain move.

There was so much potential for where he could go, given his backstory. He was a person who had 50 years of his life stolen from him, his entire world and everything he ever knew was destroyed, HIS BODY was the tool used to do it; and here he was, waking up in a new world his evil self tried to destroy, after being saved thanks to the kindness of several strangers who had every right to kill him but risked so much just to give him a chance. And now, unmoored here, he’s just trying to rebuild anything resembling a life --

There were SO many things you could do with this, SO many interesting ways Ruin could have developed… the angst; the sheer guilt of having killed so many people and destroyed so much; the fear of what he would see, if his memories from his time with the virus ever got uncorrupted; the TERROR he feels that his virus self might not actually be fully gone, and the desperation to NOT turn back into his other self and hurt anyone ever again -- the feeling of being excluded by everyone in this new dimension, he stays out of their way because he feels somewhat responsible for his Virus self hurting them, being the Weird Person who tries to fit in but really has no place anywhere, just wants to have a new life and new family with these people… (His relationship with Solar in particular was so interesting to me.) Ruin could have made up with Sun, after a long time of Sun being uncomfortable with him.

He was just one of the most fun characters to have around, including his streak of doing weird things. (And this is just personal, but I’m autistic, so I read that into a lot of his mannerisms. I loved him.)

And he paralleled many characters too!! In a way, you could say he was similar to New Moon: Ruin was created when his Sun and Moon fused, meaning Ruin is technically an incarnation of them, but he’s NOT them -- the way New Moon is an incarnation of Moon, but he’s not Old Moon. Ruin and Moon could have had formed a connection through that, at some point.

(And in this new arc, if we go with the idea that Ruin is innocent and a second personality was the one doing everything, then Ruin would be a parallel to Eclipse himself!! Eclipse is fabricated and nothing about him is “real” – the same could be said for Ruin in this event, where his second personality is literally messing with his brain, making Ruin also a "fabricated" personality of some kind. There is a line Ruin says when Eclipse kidnapped him that I always found interesting, where Ruin offered to heal Eclipse’s mind like therapy, which Eclipse shot down… I always liked that idea, that Eclipse and Ruin could bond. If Eclipse learned RUIN wasn’t to blame and it was a second personality, then, well, it could have happened. Why would the writers throw that idea out if they knew they would never do anything with it?)

As it was, Ruin had an entire WORLD of potential. And his existence made sense on a meta level, with link to the DLC's Canon Eclipse.

But that’s all gone now. Ruin being 100% evil just loses all that.

I think they did too good a job of making Ruin an enjoyable character to have around, if they knew he was going to be evil the whole time and were going to kill him in the end. (At the same time, they also didn’t utilize him in certain ways, like how Ruin never got a therapy session with Earth and was excluded from some of the group events, which logically would have been good for covering his tracks.)

Could there have been both a Good-Ruin and Ruin-Remade-Eclipse-Twist at the same time?

I’ll talk more about it in the next point, but I genuinely think the writers could have had it both ways if they had wanted to. They could have let Ruin be a good and innocent person who can stay around as a member of the cast, while STILL having him be the rebuilder of Eclipse and the source of other evil things. How?

The Two-Personalities theory! It’s been a theory for a while that Ruin has more than one personality inside of him, the second personality usually theorized to be his Virus Self. When he slips up and says stuff like “OUR head’s spinning a little bit” when getting the memory scrub from Moon, for instance. Ruin would be innocent and unaware, while his Virus/Other Self takes over when he’s not mentally present and does the bad things.

(Or alternatively: Ruin as an innocent person WAS real for a while, but his virus came back at some point.)

If that is what happened, they could have their cake and eaten it too.

And I think that would have been a better utilization of the worldbuilding given to us. Elaborated further:

I feel they could have utilized the worldbuilding in better ways.

One of the most interesting parts of the Show is how it plays with the concept of identity for these robots. There are several characters that are new incarnations of previous characters, but are distinctly different people from their previous selves. Bloodmoon, Moon, Eclipse, etc. 

Look closer at Moon. Even if they are incarnations of the same person, Old Moon and New Moon are completely separate individuals. New Moon lost his memories and remembers nothing of being Old Moon, which is WHY he is a new person. It would be completely unfair to blame New Moon for what Old Moon did – New Moon did not kill those children, New Moon did not abuse Sun, because he does not remember it. Because he does not remember it, he shouldn’t be punished for those things, because HE did not do them. What this means is that MEMORY is one of the key aspects in a robot’s identity, and their identity can change depending on those memories.  

Now take that, and apply it to Ruin: how interesting would it have been if RUIN, the one we saw in the videos, was actually fully innocent and completely unaware of what his body was being used to do the entire time? Because his evil past self/second personality had been controlling him and literally editing over top of his memories while his body was building Eclipse and preparing the Arcade plan, so that Ruin had no idea anything was going on? For all these months, Ruin GENUINELY believes he is innocent, and doesn’t remember doing anything that brought Eclipse back; he’s in distress when suspicion falls on him because he “knows” he did nothing wrong, and he’s relieved when Moon scrubs his mind and finds nothing there; phew, now they can trust him. But then! Along with Moon, Solar, Sun, and everyone else, he would find out he WAS doing it all along. Ruin could be utterly HORRIFIED and aghast that his worst fear (turning back into his evil self) had come true. And imagine the angst for that too, “my memories have been messed with so much – I’m basically a fabrication of a personality, DO I EVEN COUNT AS TRULY EXISTING!?” 

This could even lead to an interesting moral conundrum for Sun and Moon too. Moon is already on the warpath and has less patience for Ruin’s life (especially with how much harm Ruin seemingly did to them), so would Moon be eager to KILL Ruin (or if not kill him, then at least give Eclipse permission to do it)? Or would Moon be talked through it, sort of realize “Ruin doesn’t remember any of it and didn’t do it himself. It’s not his fault. The same way Old Moon’s actions are not mine. It would be unjust to kill him because RUIN wasn’t the one who did any of it.”

Many possibilities.

...But no, none of that ended up happened.

Instead Ruin is a “was always evil, all along” kind of guy. Which is… pretty disappointing considering the other possibilities. It genuinely feels like “the most obvious option.”

Also, Eclipse has literal command orders built into his head.

So in theory, maybe the innocent Ruin could have had something like this too. Imagine: His second personality, doing things whenever Ruin is mentally asleep, also embeds Ruin's AI with those command prompts that force Ruin to do unusual things. Ruin builds his own body and he doesn't really have a good reason? The commands subconsciously forcing him to. He goes down into the bunker? He has this weird, pathological obsession with doing things with arcade machines he can't quite stop? THE COMMAND LINES, BABY.

Then when it comes time for Moon to memory-scrub him, the second personality could just. Corrupt the lines, hide them with the rest of them.

(Then OO DRAMA later on when everyone realizes Ruin's condition. Just as Eclipse knows he'll die if he differs from his plans, Ruin realizes he's being forced to do things and will die if he doesn't. Hey that's another connection the two could share.)

Eclipse has been right about everything, but this twist sort of invalidates a few of the things Eclipse has said.

Eclipse honed in on Ruin and was correct the whole time. But let’s look at a few episodes, to hyper-analyze some of the things Eclipse said.

The episode where Eclipse kidnapped Ruin:

Ruin: I was far too busy elsewhere to have any, uh, meddling with your being—

Eclipse: You see that’s the funny thing. I don’t think you realize what you’ve DONE. Or what you ARE going to do.

This implies Eclipse ALSO believes Ruin doesn’t remember his actions.  So if Eclipse has been right about everything so far, why would he be wrong about THAT?

In the same episode, after Eclipse tells Ruin: "I'm going to torture you" and leaves, Ruin is left all alone. Because Eclipse has left, Ruin has no reason to keep up the facade of being scared any longer, and YET, he still sits there hyperventilating for a few seconds before saying:

"Oh GOD...."

why would he do that, if he knew he could drop the act?

There’s also the episode where he confronts Ruin, he says:

“What did you do, huh? Changed a bit of your memory? Wiped your whole brain with a magnet? What did you do, huh?”

And I still just feel if Ruin genuinely changed his whole memory and brain, that his entire Ego/Personality should change. 

There’s also just the amount of Eclipse’s “Are you terrified of me?” and scaring Ruin that whole episode.

If Ruin WASN’T in a different, innocent personality at that moment, Eclipse would know he’s not scared. If Ruin BUILT him, he wouldn’t be scared.

Ruin offered to “repair” Eclipse’s mind at one point, comparing it to therapy.

Which Eclipse shot down, of course. If Ruin was 100% faking and knew what he was doing the entire time, and he knew he was never going to do anything of the sort with Eclipse, why would he EVER offer this to Eclipse? Why would the writers throw it out if it was never going to go anywhere?

It loses a perfectly good redemption arc.

One thing about the Show is how its redemptions rarely stick, at least for long. Lunar is like, the only one who has gotten a redemption arc and stayed alive. Killcode died shortly after his redemption. Old Moon tried to change, really he did, but he died before he could ever make the changes he needed to.  Eclipse is currently being worked on in a way, but that is still a LONG ways off. Etc, etc.

Then we had Ruin, who was another successful “redemption”, and it was pretty good to see!! …Which is now ruined (hah) because he was never good to begin with.

LEADING INTO ANOTHER IMPORTANT POINT:

It makes all that effort the other characters went through for nothing.

Sun and Moon tried so hard to help Ruin, they took a risk for him to cure him of his virus – but in the end, this was the Wrong thing to do.

The characters did the right thing!! And they are being punished for it!!

And elaborating on that further:

This is going to negatively affect all the characters going forward.

This entire arc, Moon has been dealing with negative thought patterns and paranoia, and a lot of that paranoia manifested when he was investigating Ruin. He acted pretty cruel to Ruin in many ways, especially during the interrogation. This is why I thought it was very good for Moon when he did the memory scrub, found nothing, and realized he was being kind of a jerk, so he apologized to Ruin and pulled back a bit. He didn’t STOP LOOKING INTO HIM, but it was a lesson for him, to not to let his aggression reign over him when dealing with people he was suspicious of.

(One of the most concerning parts of Moon’s paranoia was how he said he didn’t trust ANYONE. He says so directly to Eclipse: “trust is a FARCE.” Despite this, in some way or form, he DID let his guard down around Ruin and began to trust him just a mild amount.)

WELL NOW THAT’S ALL GONE! Moon will never trust anyone ever again. The last person he gave the benefit of the doubt to turned out to be a multiverse-destroyer. Moon now has every reason to double down on his aggression, his paranoia, his mistrust of other people; in the future I doubt he will ever be so kind or lenient with people. He would probably be more likely to “attack first” when seeing a potential threat. And Sun as well; Sun will have much less reason to want to be kind or to take a chance to help a villain, because one time he helped Ruin and it blew up in his face.

So… good job. :/

It just kind of feels like the most obvious twist that could have written with the pieces on hand.

It’s like… There are a million different moving parts for this mystery -- multi-personalities, the virus, ways to play with memories that change identities, command orders embedded into robot's skulls – and then they chose the most straightforward way to use them.

Over the course of the storyline there were SO many signs pointing to Ruin (one of the Thumbnails even had a Creepy Face hidden in the corner) that it felt there HAD to be some kind of twist involving personalities or memories or someone else controlling him. I don’t want to say bad writing, but….

It almost makes Ruin a little too powerful.

I feel it’s almost cheating in some ways. Ruin is able to edit/corrupt his own memories so Moon couldn’t access them…… but RUIN still know them? Why didn’t Ruin literally forget those things, himself? It feels a little TOO powerful, a little too unrealistic, for him to be able to fool all these scanners and all these people SO easily. ESPECIALLY because we know Moon and Solar (and Eclipse definitely) went snooping around Ruin’s stuff before and looked at his computers; how did they, two galactic supergeniuses, never find ANY hint that Ruin had tampered with the security camera broadcasts when they were doing it?

When Ruin is supposed to be acting, he sounds just a little too sincere.

This is more of a minor thing, but in some of the episodes, when something dramatic happened to Ruin, it doesn't feel like he's acting in-universe; he sounds very sincere.

Just some examples: when he's interrogated by Moon and sounds so sad about being threatened. When Eclipse menaces him several times he's so scared. And many just other instances just. (And again, since I'm autistic, I read some of his stranger mannerisms as just being through that lens. Even if he acted strange sometimes that doesn't automatically equal fakeness.)

And I dunno, maybe he should have had more instances where it didn't feel so sincere.

This makes Solar the only person from another dimension who is good.

Pretty much everyone else from the other dimensions is bad or evil in some way, (aside from like one Sun from the one-off dimension where Moon never existed.) And I love Solar, but for some reason, it just doesn’t feel RIGHT that he’s literally the only person who is totally cool with the Celestial family.  Does anyone else feel that way?

Minor thing: When Moon apologized to Ruin, they said they would make Ruin a bedroom out of one of the alcoves.

Then they didn't.

Petty reason: Ruin was my comfort character, my personal one.

Lol, lmao even, my poor heart. It's broken.

And there are some various other thoughts, but this is also really long, so I'm going to stop here.

At the end of the day, I was really passionate about this character, and I’m disappointed to see it go the route that it did. There WERE ways to have Ruin still be good while also being a villain, just by giving him a second personality. And giving Ruin a second personality, to play around with the worldbuilding of robot memories and how Ruin isn’t responsible due to his memories being different, I personally think would have been more interesting.

Is there ANY hope for Ruin still being around after this? I’m not sure at this point. It’s looking less and less likely that there is a way out for Ruin. It’s looking less and less likely that there are two personalities, or even that Ruin was infected to begin with. 

If he somehow makes it out I’ll be ecstatic, but until then, I have a feeling we might be saying goodbye to him soon.

I still love this Show very much! And the story isn't over yet. So we'll just have to see if it can pull something off with this. But as it stands, I just have to respectfully say I think a mistake has been made in the direction they are going with it.

[mirror-imaged]

idont think anybody understands sheffbrien the way I do (insane) I'm sorry they're literally so bad for each other (affectionate) I could go on and on forever. I will actually. sheffbrien post be upon ye. thanks to ashe for talking about this w me on discord. this is a kinda obrien centric post bc of that loll but I'm obvi getting into sheffields whole deal too

having reread tc22 again and done some literary analysis a few days ago on a plane at 2 in the morning (I'm out of the country rn helloo ^_^) I picked up on a lot of thematics for them I find very interesting. long post ahead!

1 - the dynamics in their relationship are so wildly interesting. I think their characterization in tc22 does wonders for them. firstly, there are a lot of false differences id say? they seem so different, but when you boil it down they have a lot in common. sheffield is affluent and intelligent but has a spiteful and hotheaded side, obrien is seen as angry or rude but is taken for granted with his intelligence quite often by others. he got into an ivy league school at 17. there's also how sheffield seems so charismatic while obrien is abrasive and lonely, but they both really have no other friends when you get down to it? and last example for now, sheffield sees himself as divine while obrien seems to have renounced religion, but he really hasn't done the work of removing his mindset from a catholic(?) framework. expanding on that,

2 - obrien has religious trauma and this is heavily established. he doesn't actually ever move past religion as a concept though, he just moves on from God. he replaces his concept of God with his concept of his sister. more on this later. sheffield also has a relationship with religion, but more in the sense that he inherently sees himself as something unlike humanity, something greater and to be revered. he refers to himself as an angel in a way that doesn't strike me as being ingenuine the way he does in other places. I need to draw art about this it makes me abnormal

3 - for obrien specifically, there are some insanely interesting threads left about his trauma creating a savior complex within him. obviously shown at the start of the story with professor harris, but there are also the times he mentions going into genetics due to his guilt and wanting to entirely eliminate the disease that disabled his sister and when he says he feels an involuntary sympathy for stella when he found out she didn't mean to kill harris. it also makes me wonder if that plays into his protectiveness of sera later on.

4 - obrien has some severe internalized ableism going on that I wish more people actually picked apart. I know tc22 is a small scale story and a lot of people haven't read it, but it's fascinating stuff. he obviously grew up with the mindset that his sister was somehow contagious and describes how he felt he would somehow fall ill because of this, and that sort of mindset does a lot to dehumanize somebody in a person's mind. after eventually passing on an illness to her that results in her death, he is driven entirely by guilt as a character. he becomes certain that if God were fair and true, he would have died instead of her. but, like I mentioned before, he never really renounces religion in any specific way aside from this. he even mentions how he now prays to his sister instead of God, which I think is so fascinating. he never saw his sister as a person, and by elevating her to this status of somebody he needs to grovel to or even just uses as a holy figure in his life, he continues to see her as inhuman. he recognizes his past ableism, but he never does anything to deconstruct and rebuild from it. much like with his relationship with religion!

5 - obrien is treated by dds2 as the morally virtuous character, but he's really not (if you get the context from tc22). my boyfriend put it as him being just on the right side of history, which I absolutely agree with. I know tc22 was probably written after dds2 and doesn't necessarily inform the writing decisions for the games, but it definitely adds juicy layers to me. obrien is seemingly not motivated by any true desire to help sera or the nameless sufferers of CATCH22, he is motivated by the guilt from his sisters death hanging over him like a shadow. not to say he doesn't care at all, but it seems more like a quest to make up for his sins in the eyes of his sister than a desire to do good, which seems awfully catholic to me. this is absolutely the most interesting part of his character presented by the narrative. God I wish they did this better in the games.

6 - moving on to sheffield, sheffield is actually one of the most interesting and real depictions of a character with NPD traits I've ever seen, hands down. I know I talk about this frequently, but it's especially strongly done in tc22 and one of my favorite parts of his character. to start, he's mostly presented with extremely minor and often-masked aspects of the disorder a lot of people don't really pick up on. vouching personally. he quickly becomes passive aggressive and seemingly personally offended when challenged, like by inspector Harvey for instance. he is a practiced and seemingly compulsive liar, able to make things up on the spot that nobody but obrien questions due to his confidence. he seems to get along swimmingly with people he doesn't know well, charismatic and understanding. he pays exceptionally close attention to other people's emotions, expressions, and demeanors to adjust and match theirs. he also is debatably depicted with real delusions of grandeur. he only seems to be able to let his guard down around obrien, actually. and my absolute favorite moment of his, really relatable for me, is that when he stops masking he does not become dangerous. he does not go into a rage, he just goes blank. entirely and visibly unable to express emotion "normally", and obrien is initially scared, but realizes he just doesn't understand sheffield as well as he thinks he does. this is incredibly accurate to real life for me. it's actually insanely well depicted. and what I really appreciate is that sheffield is never presented as truly malicious [IN THIS STORY]. with dds2 context, he can be seen that way for sure, but he isn't actually shown being morally reprehensible. he's dubious and seems to have trouble understanding where he crosses a line, but that's also very true to real life for me. he isn't necessarily trying to be evil, he's just nosy and invasive of boundaries on occasion. they also never actually label him as or call him a narcissist, which is so good?? props to tadashi for once?? I think he is one because I have the disorder and can more accurately assess this sort of thing, but labeling every character who's like Abusive as a narcissist is so tacky and distasteful to me. it diminishes the harm they inflict on other people as being something born of mental illness, which isn't necessarily true. he is definitely abusive to sera, but that is not related to his narcissism.

7 - sheffield is just such a good character in this. I raved already about his npd stuff but I want to get into other things a little too. firstly, he does seem to genuinely view himself as inhuman, which is something I also believe contrasts obrien a little. obrien has this deep internalized self hatred, while sheffield has this genuine belief he is on a different level from other people. despite this, he sees obrien as being his Equal in some way. as being worthy of his presence, his assistance, his friendship. the pizza scene really really drives this home for me. (that's another subtle npd ass trait but I've said enough). in addition, sheffield tries so desperately to present himself as worthy of something more, maybe backed by doubt, or maybe even just true belief. he tries to appear intimidating, has knowledge of how to get into people's heads, etc. maybe this is because he's young and people see him differently for being so ahead of his grade, but I also see it as a display of insecurity in an implicit way. his delusions of grandeur also play into this characterization, because delusions of grandeur are often born from extreme and severe self doubt (at least in those with mental health disorders, which I've already mentioned I believe he strongly aligns with). him coming from a wealthy background in Portland of all places would not help any of that kind of thing.

8 - i don't even know what else I could say about them. they make me so abnormal. not even a toxic romantic relationship between them (which I do like think about but obviously post tc22 I don't like their age gap) but simply their dynamic as two characters. sera is a figurehead for their conflict, really. all the things we learn about both of these characters really makes me question how much BOTH of them care for sera, not just sheffield's two-faced lies. she is representative of their ideological dispute. she is a small child who has the potential to save the world, but obrien is too scared of letting another child die as a result of his inaction and sheffield is too focused on his end goal of getting what he believes he deserves, divinity and becoming a revered savior of the world, no matter who falls along the way. they are built to contrast each other. you even see this through heat and serph to a degree, with how sera mixed them up. heat declares he is on the same level as God during the jp text of the vritra fight, while serph inevitably sacrifices his own life for the sake of sera.

9 - what happened between tc22 and the dds2 flashbacks? I actually need to know what caused their relationship to split so heavily. I'm fucking obsessed with them. post over please join my sheffbrien Island there's like 2 other people here

[peacesmith]

4, 7, and 13 for the gush ask game! I'll leave the choice of F/O up to ya for this.

thanks for the ask!

ask game here!

i’m gonna do these asks for gintoki because he’s at the height of my interest right now 🙂‍↕️

4. Gush about your f/o's interest(s) and how they talk about them!

Gintoki doesn’t have a lot of interests, besides sweets and shonen JUMP. Since he’s very lazy and doesn’t do much.

But, I feel like Gintoki is a bit of a sweets expert. Like if you offer him sweets he’ll take em and eat them, but if it’s not good or something’s wrong with it he’ll let you know.

Sure he’s one step away from diabetes but that’s fine!

Anyways off topic, I feel like whenever Manjū asks him questions about what he likes and what makes something sweet enough, Gintoki gets all scientific and stuff while talking to Manjū like this:

He is VERY serious about sweets. And strawberries! He loves strawberry milk, now I have two f/o’s that like something strawberry related! Would you look at that?

Gintoki wouldn’t share much emotion, although if you squint you could see the corners of his lips raising when talking to Manjū about a parfait he wants to try. A slight fondness in his voice when talking to him.

7. Gush about how kissable your f/o is!

GINTOKI IS VERY KISSABLE 💗💗💗

In a way I feel like you’d have to initiate the kisses first in the beginning of the relationship so he could get comfortable. Although I’m not finished with the series, he seems slightly touch reclusive, not one to initiate it first. Romantically at least.

But later on, he starts initiating kisses between him and Manjū.

I’m a firm believer of Gin having chubby cheeks or something like that. Sure he somehow stays fit and all, but those cheeks of his is NOT firm. They’re SOFT and squishy. So Manjū loves kissing them normally.

Which is funny because they don’t kiss each other on the lips as often, only for special occasions in a way. Nose, cheeks, knuckles, forehead, neck, shoulder, etc. Every where BUT lips. It’s just so intimate that way… They trust each other okay?

13. Gush about your F/O's personality!

Ngl, Gin is kind of an asshole. But he’s MY asshole so idc.

In all seriousness though, Gin holds his emotions. He’s sarcastic, lazy, and mean on the surface. But inside this man is someone who has lost people, and now that he’s rebuilding a family (aka Kagura and Shinpachi), he doesn’t exactly know how to handle it.

Like with Kagura and Shinpachi, he doesn’t always act like he cares. But deep down he’d do just about anything for them. Because they’re his kids and he loves them. Giving them words of wisdom even if he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

And also with the kid that looks like him but isn’t his??

LOOK AT THEM HE’S HOLDING HIM LIKE ITS HIS OWN CHILD

Gintoki is so good with kids I need to make him a father IMMEDIATELY. #ilovedadtoki

Anyways, Gintoki is a complicated character and that’s why I love him. Sarcasm and all.

[lasi-nariyoyoreads]

Taemin's personality according to tarots

What is this reading about? In honor of his comeback, I decided to do a little reading on his personality. It's divided in three parts: in the first one I picked a card that would represent the core aspect of his personality, then I picked a total of six cards that would describe what he thinks about himself and what others think of him. The last part is about his positive and negative traits, again I picked 6 cards.

Of course it's impossible to know what each person think of Taemin. Everyone has their own unique views, so I simply tried to look into what are the general opinions going on.

The third part of the reading will be about his positive and negative traits. Positive and negative can be a very vague definition, but I tried to consider which sides of his personality are helpful (for him and for others) and which traits are negative for him and for those around him.

I've been preparing several readings similar to this, one of them should've been posted in honor of D.O's comeback, but procrastination is my second name so here I am, more than one month later, posting a reading about another idol :')

Also, have you enjoyed Guilty?

Disclaimer:

My readings are made for fun and you should read them for fun too. So don't take them seriously.

The main aspect of his personality:

4 of cups

He might feel unsatisfied, there’s a lot more out there, so much potential, so many things that can be better, that can be improved, yet they seem out of reach.

He might lack appreciation or not be fully aware of what he has, of what he achieved.

4 of cups is someone lost in their thoughts, sitting with their eyes closed, dissatisfied, bored. But if only they opened their eyes, they would notice the wonderful nature around them, the clear waters, the stars in the sky.

He feels unfinished and like a raw material that still has a long way to go before it can be called a diamond.

Perfecting himself is the core of his identity.

4 of cups is almost like an "introverted" card to me, so he's probably someone that doesn't open up easily to others and who tends to bottle up his feelings.

How does he see himself?

Rev The empress, rev the tower, ace of wands

It’s interesting, the empress is a very feminine card, it really represents the female energy in cards. It represents sensuality, nurturing and creativity.

All things you would connect with Taemin, right? But here the card is reversed and I think it can be interpreted in two ways.

The first message I get is that he might not feel fully comfortable in his androgynous image. I’m not saying that he hates it, but he might wonder “what if I tried to be something different?”, “is this really ok for me, what I truly wanted to do? Am I just pleasing others?”

It's possible it's an persona that fell on him, he just accepted it and he didn't really choose it himself.

The other message I get is that he might be insecure about his creative direction, he might feel bored or unsatisfied. 

The other point I get from the cards is that he might consider himself as someone who is somehow holding on, despite whatever life throws at him.

He tries to protect what’s dear to him, even to the point of being uselessly stubborn. Sometimes there’s less effort in rebuilding from zero a destroyed house, than trying to protect it by constantly working to fix it.

For example, he might be the type to try his best to keep a relationship, even though it would be better to let it go and start something new with another person.

It might also mean that he's simply someone who does always the same things, maybe with a fixed routine, maybe he's someone who always gets the same food in the restaurant or something similar.

I think he’s very anxious about big changes, he wants to have a solid basis and work to improve that, rather than giving up to start something new.

He’s an overall creative person, with lots of new ideas and always interested in new challenges.

How do others see him?

Rev the chariot, 8 of pentacles, 7 of cups

Some actually think he might lack direction and be a bit out of control? As if he doesn’t have a balanced energy or an objective view of himself and what’s around him.

He’s obviously considered as a successful person, with a great work ethic, who achieved important milestones.

They think he’s someone who has a lot of potential, someone who might as well try something new?

While they know he’s already very successful, some people around him might believe he could be bigger if he wanted to.

They might be like "bro you could do anything you want", but Taemin tends to be a bit afraid to jump in completely new fields? Or he needs a lot of contemplation before deciding to do something new.

He might lack the confidence to go out of his comfort zone, out of what he knows he does the best.

Positive traits:

Rev 5 of cups, 8 of swords, the lovers

There’s a childish energy about him.

I think he hasn’t forgotten his roots, he hasn’t forgotten who he was before becoming “the Lee Taemin” everyone loves. It’s possible he has good relationships with his family/childhood friends and that he enjoys going back home whenever he can.

Success didn’t change him.

Despite his tendency to keep his feelings to himself, he just seems like a really lovely and emotional person.

He might be too caught up in his inner turmoil, he might have issues with how people perceive him, but he’s truly someone ready to give love to whoever is lucky enough to be close to him.

He also tends to be faithful and loyal.

Negative traits:

3 of pentacles, rev 6 of pentacles, rev queen of pentacles

He might be too focused on his craft at times, forgetting everything else. There might be a bit of a duality here, working Taemin is a very rigid person who will only focus on improving and learning, ignoring everything else, while off-work Taemin is a much sweeter person. The problem is understanding which one of them you’re dealing with. 

He might have a bad management of his money. Either he’s too generous or too stingy. It’s possible it depends on the person.

He might be the type of person who is generous because he expects something back.

He might be too obsessed by his status, like he really wants to look good and to keep his reputation.

He might be prone to isolate himself too much or he has a bad work-life balance that brings him to not give enough quality time to his loved ones.

It's possible he's also not so good at taking care of himself and his surroundings.

[selkiewife]

tell me please, about Ros and Reek, glass garden/houses ( It’s sounds amazig) and gloves angst porn ( i wouldn't be me if I didn't ask about it haha) ❤️

Ahhh! Thank you so much for the ask, @alwayssmiled!

Ros and Reek

So I was rewatching Season 1 of Game of Thrones and during the scene where Ros leaves for Kingslanding, Theon tells Ros: "Yes she'll be very popular until some fat lord comes to visit with a big belly and a little prick and he can't get it up so he knocks all your teeth out." And I just lost my shit with the potential foreshadowing of that line! And then I remembered reading that before season 5 aired, there were theories that the show would use Ros in the Jeyne Poole storyline- since they had already used her to stand in for other characters such as Alayaya. The theory was that Little Finger would use Ros as a proxy for Sansa. And so this AU began forming in my head which is based on the show, but more book stuff is incorporated as well. I just kept having this image in my head when they meet again and Theon is the one with his teeth knocked out and it goes from there... I think it would be very very interesting to explore how incorporating Ros changes the dynamic- just as having Sansa there changed things vs Jeyne in the books. I like that there is still the element of "person who no one cares about" with Ros- but to possibly an even greater extent than Jeyne- because she is lowborn and older. And I also really love the past relationship between Theon and Ros and think that would be really interesting to explore.

Glass Gardens/Glass Houses

This is a book based fic that takes place in my imagined "dream of spring" era. They won against the WW but their lands and society have been completely devastated. Theon is helping to rebuild Winterfell and he is assigned to help rebuild the glass gardens- to grow food (to sow essentially.) During the fic, there will be flashbacks that explain how Bran skinchanged him at certain points for reasons I am still working out. But it was apparently in service of the greater good/to help win the war against the army of the dead. However, this experience has left Theon's mind broken in a way that Ramsay was never able to do. So this is not the laughing in Stannis' face defiant Theon. And that in itself is devastating. There are a lot of unhappy reunions as well! He sees Palla and Beth and Jeyne again and there is so much angst. He watches Jeyne reunite with them- I suppose there is some bittersweet hopefulness for the three girls. But it's the idea of trying to deal with the impossible task of "making amends" when he really can't with a body and mind that has been punished to its limits already. But maybe he can still get something to grow...

Gloves Angst Porn

This was another one inspired by the Greysnow Week prompts that I was unable to finish. It is a show based fic that branches out a bit into book territory because of changed circumstances- Theon is recaptured by Ramsay and tortured after helping Sansa escape. Jon and Sansa find him again after retaking Winterfell. This is actually my first attempt to write porn for Jon and Theon but, in true me fashion it is going to get QUITE the angst filled lead up. Multiple chapters of angst filled lead up lol. There is a little of it below the cut but it's rough:

“Take off your gloves.” 

When Jon gives a command it must be obeyed, and yet Reek falters. He can’t say why. Shame? Embarrassment? But Jon has seen him shamed, seen his humiliation more times than Reek can count. It was Jon himself who pulled him off of the saltire after he and Sansa had defeated Ramsay.  Somehow though, it never gets any easier. 

He turns from where he was feeding the fire and faces Jon. 

“My lord?” He asks softly, hoping that he might have misheard him. 

Jon stands with his brow creased, studying papers strewn about the desk. He isn’t even looking at him, but at Reek’s question, he raises his eyes. 

It is all Reek can do not to shrink back. Jon wants him to be Theon now. Just as Ramsay before him wanted Theon to be Reek. But it is hard to remember. Not his name but.. well, what Theon did what Theon meant. He use to rhyme in his head to remember Reek. Reek, Reek it rhymes with sneak and leak and freak. Theon does not rhyme with anything. 

When he tries to grasp the sense of Theon he is met with a void. And the memories of past deeds. People hurt, ghosts clinging to his cloak. Traitor, Murderer. They don’t rhyme but they are true. Still, he is not supposed to be those things anymore. So what is he to do? Reek at least rhymes with seek.

He tries to keep eye contact like Jon wants him too but he fails and drops his eyes like the dog he is. (You shouldn’t make direct eye contact, unless you want to appear to be a threat. And you should never appear to be a threat toward your master. You must wait until your master gives you leave to look.)

“Take off your gloves. I need to see your hands.” 

When Reek hesitates again, Jon adds, “Please.” 

Because there is nothing else he can do, he turns back toward the fire and begins to peel off the black leather. He can’t tell why he feels the need to turn away from Jon as if he were removing his shirt or trousers. And as soon as he realizes how this modesty must seem to Jon he flushes. 

Reek seeks a memory. He tries to grasp the boy he use to be, with his easy confidence and sassy mouth, who could always make Jon flustered with a lewd word or jape. But of course, that boy is no longer there, just this wreck of an old man who trembles if you look at him the wrong way. And if he did truly act like Theon, would Jon let him stay? Jon thought Theon was an ass. And Theon betrayed Robb and burned Winterfell. No that was Ramsay… it’s difficult to keep the different truths in order. 

When Theon is finished removing his gloves, he holds his hands up for Jon as if he is confessing a crime. In a way he is. These are ugly hands that bear all the markings of his punishments, the games he would play with Ramsay. Reek made these hands a ruin as much as Ramsay did, for in the end, he was always the one pleading for a finger to be severed. He always made me beg.

Jon studies his hands and Reek studies Jon’s face, trying to discern whether his expression holds disappointment. Jon takes one of his hands in his and Reek shivers. 

“Have you been taking care of them? Not biting them I hope?”

Reek swallows. “… A little…I’m sorry… I…”

“Fine,” Jon says gruffly, shutting him up. Jon is trying to make him better, like Ramsay before him tried. And that is good. But Reek knows he will never punish him for things like this, and that is good too. 

Jon turns Reek’s hand over and then takes the other one in his other hand. He traces his gloved fingers over the stumps. It’s not as if he is seeing me naked Reek reminds himself. Finally Jon stops and Reek remembers to breathe. 

Jon turns and goes back to his desk. He takes a feather and begins writing before he pronounces his sentence. “Tomorrow you will begin training again, with the bow.”

[anonymocha]

hi i. i may have been the. the culprit. for the ship. possibly singlehandedly.

short answer: i made them the fuck up and spawned it upon tumblr

long answer: okay so it started as literally IRONIC like “haha what if i draw the character i simp (kb) and the character i kin (mp) together :))) this will not alter the rest of my fandom activity forever whatsoever” so i drew them for the very first time HERE and it also happens to be one of my first r99 fanarts and KB ISNT EVEN OUT YEETTTTTT (is already heads over heels for her even then). i have already admitted that medpoc is a character i project to and a schrodinger self-insert so theres also that. also i easily go insane over any nblw since its so rare and a hungry nb lesbian like me gotta cook somehow! also kb is MY TYPE of fictional women so yay

after that initial silly doodle i wasn’t super into them then 1.3 happened. and this literal goddess (who is troubled) x sweaty lesbian (who is troubled) dynamic hits WAY TOO HARD and i practically locked the fuck in on them okay enough about me im gonna. be a TINY insane abt them. as a treat.

IGNORING THE FACT THAT THEY NEVER INTERACTED IN THE GAME AT ALL BECAUSE LIVE LAUGH LOVE RAREPAIRS 😍

I started piecing together more things that make them more appealing to me outside the “i kin this character, i like this character” thing. AKA making it the fuck up! To me, how I find their relationship interesting is the many possibilities of it going HORRIBLY WRONG AS GOD INTENDED (toxic yuri) or surprisingly but satisfyingly sweet if they manage to resolve the things that make the two of them not be able to work out in the first place (healing yuri)!

There is like a million alternate plots for them in my head but the horrible problematic nasty mutually destructive yuri vs rough but evident and warm healing growth tender calm-after-storm yuri are the two main ones i rotate in my head. The second of which may have happened after the first one.

The things they have in common is a devotion to research in their own respective strategies. One has a methodical but fragile approach the other a reckless but intricate approach to research. Both of them has a parental/mentor figure who tries to change them/projects into them one way or another. Medicine Pocket is a dog. Kaalaa Baunaa ate food already bitten off by a dog. Yuri. <<<delusional

Their relationship also has the appeal of being “forbidden” due to the age gap and just how much power they hold over each other. You might think that I see one of them with greater power but in reality both of them really holds the other at a chokehold. Her grief and projections of Kumar (which deeply tragically resembles how Kumar sees her in the first place as Kumar mentors her) onto them causing her to have a soft spot for them at the hopes they don’t end up like Kumar, she cares for them, helps them, keeps their secrets, spoils them, at one point parents them (neg), all of which makes her want to tear her hair out VS them wanting to exploit her prestige and kindness to further their own excellence but feeling that good ol’ guilt and weird weird weird fuzzy feeling in their throat that makes them want to tear their hair out ALSO nobody wants to piss of a senior researcher. They love the expression of her submitting to their whims as much as it eats at them. Whether this entire setup goes for a good ending in which both of them manage to navigate through their own vulnerabilities and see through their own wrongs/awful perceptions about each other then they may start to build/rebuild each other into better people, taking care of each other, being good adults that still break down from time to time. Alternatively they get stuck in the toxic yuri limbo. Your choice.

I am projecting a lot of my “fuck i have to do anything i can to succeed as an adult since im 18 now and the world wont tolerate if i lose my ‘prodigy’ status im getting into uni and they will tolerate much less academic faults” into Medpoc and having a kind and understanding mentor figure who’d hold them while they’re bloody and losing their mind over the needless intricacies/rules in tje research/academic/pragmatism world would help a lot I think! Especially since she spent a longer time in said field and SAW how this system fucks ppl up.

i made like. some tumblr yappings abt them. where i elaborate a mix of both plots in it. you can look at it to see my thought process

1 - https://www.tumblr.com/anonymocha/745307513988268032/suddenly-seeing-parallels-between-kumar-and

2 - https://www.tumblr.com/anonymocha/747092685637206016/my-insanity-ahead-textwall-i-mean-kaalaapocket

3 - https://www.tumblr.com/anonymocha/748712797312090112/ngl-my-first-thought-for-your-pfp-is-how-strangely

this doesnt include the shit i dumped to my partner theyre a real one for listening to my dissertation abt characters who never interacted in game. i could talk more but im tired after uni orientation week so im closing it off here but if u want me to like yap abt them more erm feel free to shoot me with anything

anyways thank you for showing an interest in the ship bc everytime someone asks abt it or mentions it or writes it or draws it i die a little /pos

EDIT:

would like to add something

in the toxic yuri beginnings neither of them sees each other as who they really are. where their relationship goes is determined by if both chose to see through the illusions they put up on each other by themselves. or not.

I haven't played since 1.4 but I NEED to know why kaalaa and medicine pocket are a ship now, I'm obsessed

Also have we had anymore The Fool content

[mclennonlgbt]

How did Paul react to John's rejection with songs?

Whether or not traditional Beatles scholars like it, John and Paul didn’t lose their bond in 1968. Their emotions were still hot, albeit more complex, and they reacted to each other. And since they were musicians, the best way was to write songs. John reacting to Paul's behavior with songs is a known case (see: I'm so tired, Jealous guy, Instant Karma ect.). However, little is said about the fact that Paul also responded with music to John's behavior. Today I wanted to focus on how McCartney reacted to Lennon's rejection (not always romantic) because that seems particularly interesting to me.

JUNK

It had been perfectly described by Better than looking at the mirror HERE. Let's look at the 1968 Lennon/McCartney timeline: Mid-February - The Beatles arrive in India. 26th March - Paul leaves. 12th April - John leaves. After that, he's absolutely mentally devastated and overuses drugs. Certainly, there are a lot of reasons for that, the most important being John's mental disorders which are not treated properly. But also, his relationship with Paul seems to be a significant factor. Something wrong happened between them in India. There are quite a few theories. The most popular is Lennon declaring his romantic and/or sexual affection to Paul and Paul rejecting him (and in a way, John himself suggested erotic tension between them). I think it's possible and I name the second thing: Paul leaving India so early. John was in a terrible mental state, he even wanted to kill himself. And most likely McCartney didn't support him, which left Lennon heartbroken and dissapointed (perfectly valid). However, we are also uncertain whether John made it clear to Paul that he needed help. Probably not, because he believed he and Paul were telepathically connected and knew all about each other.

May 11th to May 16th - John and Paul are in New York to promote the Beatles new company, Apple. There are a lot of audio and video footage of them: they gave the interview to US press on 13th May, they appear on Tonight Show, on Apple press conference, and gave the radio interview to Mitchelle Krause which was later aired on the program „Newsfront” (all 4 meetings happened on May 14th). IMO the negative tension between Lennon and McCartney in palpable. John in frustrated and annoyed and Paul seems evasive and like knowing he somehow fucked up. What's more, on the radio interview John seems to be giving a hint about "forbidden love" for which the public is not ready, and we can hear Paul feeling uncomfortable about it. During their stay McCartney meets Linda Eastman, a photographer he talked a year earlier with. On the final day, he invites Linda to go with him and John to the airport. She does it and takes a few photos of them. John later (in 1970) expressed he felt very uncomfortable with Linda's presence.

May 19th - depressed John consumes LSD, has a bad trip and gets together with Yoko (who helps him to "rebuild his ego"): they spend their first night in John's house and record their first avantgarde album. 3 days later they make their 1st public appearance as a couple. 30th is the 1st day of White Album sessions. And it this gap between 16th and 30th May Paul completed "Junk" (which can be heard on Esher demos). As Paul said about the lyrics: "Sounds like one lover saying “bye, bye” and the other plaintively asking “why, why”, even as the junk in the yard demands an explanation for the urge to acquire something – or somebody – new". It's easy to see that Macca was putting his current emotions into a song. With John commiting to a new lover - who he valued so high that they appear publicly, despite having a wife - Paul might feel like a discarded "Junk" and expressed it. I'm not saying it was the only reason for his low frame of mind at the time but clearly one of the most important.

GOODBYE (here's the official version)

The track, written by Paul and performed by Mary Hopkin, was released at March 28th, 1969. As we can read on Wikipedia, "[the song] was written in a great hurry to capitalise on Hopkin's popularity". It means that Paul wrote in probably in March 1969. And you know what also happened in March 1969? Lennon and McCartney's weddings. Paul and Linda got married at March 12th and John and Yoko at March 20th. If someone read Paul's feeling towards John as purely platonic, they would think that Macca started a new family and it had nothing to do with Lennon. But that's not my opinion. And it's not a coincidence that John decided to got married right after Paul (he organised wedding in a hurry). Both men ended the month with a thought: "We have new life partners now". I'm not implying John and Paul were physical lovers (I don't exclude that option tho) but there certainly was some romantic tension and a hope to push their relationship further, at least from John's side, and I suppose partially from Paul's (sometimes I think differently, let's leave that lol). But it didn't happen. So McCartney is writing a farewell song. "Goodbye, my love, goodbye". I linked a demo of this tune, performed by Paul, and it's interesting to hear him singing: "Far away my lover sings a lonely song and calls me to his side".

DEAR FRIEND and LITTLE LAMB DRAGONFLY

In December 1970 John gave an interview to „Rolling Stone” journalist Jan Wenner; the interview later appeared as the book "Lennon Remembers". John spoke in an unpleasant, even brutal way. It’s worth noting that he was then under the influence of Arthur Janov's primal scream therapy. Janov was a homophobe and John took over his language, insulting with homophobic terms e.g. Mick Jagger and Brian Epstein. What’s more, John harshly criticizes Paul and the Beatles (calling them a „myth”). He says that Paul’s  first solo album is „rubbish” and claims that McCartney during Beatle years was a conformist and cared only about the commercial side of songs. Lennon’s complaints are also about Paul being controlling and egoistic.

We can imagine how hurt Paul felt after reading this interview. He was judged very severely: his flaws were exaggerated, and his contribution to the development of the Beatles (e.g. interesting John in the avant-garde or the use of tape loops on "Tomorrow Never Knows") was not even mentioned. It must have been terrible wound and massive rejection of his talent and creativity.

Paul, as usual, poured his emotions into songs. In response to John's poisonous comments, he wrote „Dear Friend”. It’s likely he also wrote "Little Lamb Dragonfly" at the same time (late 1970). Interestingly, Paul decides not to attack Lennon.

In „Dear Friend”, he tries to approach him with understanding. As John's closest friend for many years, Paul knows his insecurities perfectly. He asks: „Are you afraid, or is it true?”. The most interesting line is: „Dear friend, throw the wine, I’m in love with a friend of mine”. It is very puzzling and unclear. Why does Paul use the word "friend" two more times? Maybe he assures John that he is still in love with him? Or maybe there are two friends – John („Dear friend, throw the wine”) and Linda („I’m in love with a friend of mine”)? If the latter interpretation is true, Paul is delicately trying to reassure John that he genuinely loves Linda and his family, so he’s not going to abandon them for John, but they can still be friends. Maybe this is: "We are both happily married and we can maintain platonic relationship”?

IMO "Little Lamb Dragonfly" has darker lyrics and expresses disappointment. „I have no answer to you, little lamb, I can help you out, but I cannot help you in”. Paul sees John as trapped by his negative emotions. As long as he doesn't want to change his attitude, no one else will help him. However, Paul admits that he loves John: „My heart is breaking for you, little lamb”; „Since you’ve gone, I never know, I go on, but I miss you so”. What’s more, McCartney still hopes he and his best friend can reconnect: „You and I still have a way to go”. But for that to happen, both sides have to want it!

„Dear Friend” was released on „Wild Life” album in December 1971. Probably the song influenced John's feelings. Later that month, Paul, Linda, John and Yoko met and agreed that they would no longer argue in public. "Little Lamb Dragonfly" appeared on "Red Rose Speedway" album in April 1973. And that time, John and Paul had a good relationship again.

CALL ME BACK AGAIN

It’s a well-known fact that during „Lost weekend” (John and Yoko’s separation, which covered 18 months between 1973 and 1975) John and Paul re-developed their friendship. They had a jam session in March 1974. Lennon even seriously considered writing songs again with his former partner. Paul also missed his best friend. When John, May Pang, Paul and Linda met in New York in 1975, Macca revealed they are going to New Orleans to record. „We’d like to meet us there”, he told Lennon. John, of course, wanted to go there. He was very excited and wrote the song "Howling at the Moon". Unfortunately, before John and Paul could reconnect, Yoko called and told her husband he could go home now.

It’s obvious that „Call me back again” – a song which appeared on 1975 Wings „Venus and Mars” album – is about that situation. Paul recalls growing up together with John. "Well when I, when I was just a little baby boy / Every night I would call, your number brought me joy" - quite an obvious reference to the teenage years, when John and Paul spent every free moment with each other and loved to talk to each other.

But this song is not nostalgic nor joyful. It expresses desperation and pain.

"I called your house, every night since then / But I ain't never, no no never heard you calling me" - probably a reference to the fact that Yoko was controlling John's contacts with his friends and whenever Paul, Mick Jagger or some other acquaintance tried to contact John by phone, she lied that her husband couldn't come over now. And then, of course, she didn't say anything to him.

"Come on and call me / Ooh boo boo boo babe" - Paul missed John so much! At some concerts, Paul would quietly pronounce his name during the song.

Interestingly, "Call me back again" contains a mellotron that sounds like flutes. Maybe Paul is referring to „Strawberry Fields Forever” intro here???

I know I have only touched on the topic a bit here. I’m aware I have very briefly described the Lennon-McCartney dynamics. Treat this post as a stimulus to your own research! <3

[greysfall]

If the Composers stayed to talk for a bit more, what would they talk about? (super long strip)

This strip took me a whole week working full time on it. I had so much fun because I was able to pour all my love into every panel, for Josh and for the game as a whole. It should be part 1 as another strip is part 2. I’m not sure I can do part 2 but I’ll try my best, as each would centers around a different theme. 

I had a very simple idea at first, but I figured Josh wouldn’t talk unless Haz somehow pushed his nerd button and he went on to rant a lot, being direct and cryptic at the same time. 

While it’s a popular fan interpretation that Joshua had been lonely and sad, I think that he has drifted quite far away from having emotions like that - though he is not entirely unattached. To be honest, the reason why he never saw value in his RG life was probably not only because he could see the UG, but also due to his nature as an individual that strived towards something more thrilling and out of the ordinary. He himself admitted to having “hang-ups”, mostly from his deep understanding and interest in humanity and for one time as we know, in a human companion.   

As how I view it, the Composers have an unusual link. It’s not like they’re closer than usual business partners or neighbors but it’s that kind of relationship in which the perfectly handled distance and awareness about each other makes it more interesting. They are equal in power yet they approach their jobs with different attitudes. 

Both are high-ranking Angels but it’s very interesting that Josh sometimes evades the label of an Angel, there are hints that he used to be human so in my opinion, he just likes to stay in between planes and is an oddball out everywhere. Meanwhile, Haz seems like he has never been human at all so I guess that’s why he finds interest in Josh’s strange ways of doing things, or in his understanding of the lower planes. I really like the game’s depiction of Angels. They’re pretty close to how I imagine Angels overall: ruthlessly righteous, neutral in everything and ridiculously powerful. You can read the hints in their names even, "Yoshiya” has the words for “ever-increasing justice” while "Mikagi” can be read as “the key to govern”. 

Both Composers are associated with the motif of rebirth and prosperity. Josh’s name contains the word for “Paulownia”, which is connected to the Phoenix in Japanese myth and somehow hinting at their role in the plane between life and death and to build, destroy and rebuild all over again.

The rule of the Shibuya and Shinjuku games are different in how the former focuses on individual growth, while the latter seeks power and government. As a result, the Shinjuku Reapers have grown stronger and more organised, but their system might have peaked and subsequently went so deep into corruption that Haz decided to erase Shinjuku via Inversion - which left no trace nor characteristics of the city at all. Note that a normal erasure as Josh planed for Shibuya in the first game, would still leave the base upon which a new UG could be rebuilt with relatively the same core. That might be why Megumi accepted his defeat with grace because even if Shibuya was erased it would carry on to exist in another form, while the Shinjuku Conductor was desperate until the end. 

Josh could be pretty direct to Haz, even more than he is to Hanekoma sometimes and the Japanese dialogues indicates that they’ve been on that terms for a long time. It feels very special to catch the chance to see them interact in the same game and even have a casual conversation with each other.

If Haz could someday find a game as good for himself as Josh did and finally found the answers he is looking for, I hope we’ll get a chance to see that too. 

[luimagines]

RQ: He’s upset and needs comforting

Masterlist

Ya'll want angst? Because I have some angst.

Very hurt/comfort

Set platonically and within the group since there was no specification. Hope that’s ok! Sorry it took awhile, it got away from me again. I think this may be a trend.

Scenario under the cut! It’s super long so take caution!

Sky

It took a while for you to notice but eventually you do.

Sky has been acting weird all day.

It was only clipped responses at first, then it was was the lack of attention where Sky would have been the first to comment or act otherwise. What really tipped you off finally was how he seemed to be evading the whole group. Not necessarily stepping away and out of sight but he didn’t interact with anyone and when they approached him, he didn’t make eye contact, seemingly trying to cut the conversation short.

No one has said anything. 

You mention it to Twilight about his out of character behavior but he says that it maybe a bad day, or he slept wrong, or some other reason that you stopped listening to because it didn’t make any sense.

Sky was always trying to be friendly no matter his mood and it took a lot to shake him up.

What was eating at the Chosen Hero?

Soon, the uncertainty begins to eat at you too and you wait for night fall, once everyone is asleep to strike.

Strike up a conversation that is.

Sky usually takes the last watch because he’s usually the first one out regardless of what activities for the day so you strive to wake up early.

It works for the most part, your internal clock doing what you want it to do when you blink your eyes open. Part of you begins to drift off again so you sit up and nearly fall asleep that way.

A hand comes up on your back and rubs a small circle. “Nightmare?”

It’s Sky and he’s looking at you with mild concern.

You smile and shake your head. “No. I’m alright but I think I’ll stay up with you if you don’t mind.”

“I wouldn’t mind the company.” He moves out of your space and back to where he sat.

You follow, still groggy from just waking from your slumber but succeed in not stepping on any of your friends or waking them up as well with the added noise. you sit next to the Hero of the Skies with little fan fare and let the moment settle on the both of you before looking skyward.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t look at Sky and continue star gazing even if they’re a little harder to spot as the sun travels closer for it’s shift.

Sky hums in agreement and follows your gaze upwards.

“Are you ok? You seemed a little off lately.”

Sky doesn’t say anything for the first few seconds and you suspect that maybe he didn’t hear you. With him spacing out so much and the fact that you whispered for the sake of your still sleeping friends, you’re inclined to repeat yourself but Sky answers in time.

“Just thinking a lot, I suppose. Nothing serious.”

“Yeah?” You don’t look his way. This is casual. This is friendly. This is not a big deal. “Rupee for your thoughts?”

“It’s not that interesting.”

You shrug. “Hit me with it anyway. It’s got to be something if it’s throwing you off your rocker. Maybe a new perspective will help clear some of it up?”

Sky frowns at your attempts, once again retreating into his mind. You let the offer hang in the air and let it sink in.

You’re disinclined to bring it up anymore. Your brain is still tired and you’re wondering your effectiveness when half of your thoughts are still muddled with sleep and fatigue. You could have totally slept in some more. What on earth made you think this was a good idea?

“Time mentioned something earlier that I can’t seem to let go of.” Sky begins.

You hum back and let him keep talking.

“I never fought this Ganon guy they all so talk so much about. I fought the God Demise. Before I could land the final blow, he cast a curse on me, on us, that some cycle would continue. His hatred would last forever and my blood line and Zelda’s will be cursed to deal with constant darkness caused by him.” Sky admits, looking now at his intertwined hands. “I finished him soon after that but... I wonder... Am I the cause-... Is this all my fault? Am I the reason that we’re all here right now? That everyone has gone through so much? So many thing happened that should have never occurred. Time and Legend and Wild have all suffered so much.... more than I can possibly ever imagine and it seems like it’s never ending. Everyone starts they’re adventures so young... If I had killed him sooner... If I had just got it over with... If I had just shut him up-”

“Hey.” Your hand lands on his shoulder, cutting off his tirade.  “None of this is anyone’s fault. The only people to blame are Ganon and now, this Demise guy. You did what you could. You still got the job done and no one here will ever blame you for what has happened to them or to Hyrule. You were young too... you’re still young. Give yourself a little kindness and understanding, just as you do with everyone here. You didn’t deserve it either. It’s not like you asked to fight a God.”

“Well...”

“Sky you know what I mean.”

“I should have been faster. If-”

“There’s no use in worrying about what if’s.” You shove him slightly. “This is our life. Even if you ask, no one is capable of giving you the answers. I get it. It’s hard to know if the path you took is the right one if it’s all you’ve ever known and you can’t see where the other would have lead... But... Even if horrible things happen, I’m still glad to have met you. I’m glad I met the others. I’m happy to be here with you and with them, and I’m glad that it’s not just me anymore.”

You let the words sink in before leaning down wards and trying to get him to look you in the eye. “I can’t answer your questions. But what happened, happened and the best thing we can do is learn how to play with the cards we’re dealt.”

He take a deep breath and  finally looks in your direction. “I know you’re right.” 

“Naturally.”

“But I can’t help but feel responsible for being-”

“But you’re not responsible for their pain or any of this Sky. If Ganon has anything to do with Demise then it’s all Demise’ fault. His and his only. Understand?” You stress. “I wish... I wish I could do something more to help.”

Sky places his hand over yours where you still have it on his shoulder and sends you a small smile. “I know. Me too.”

Wild

“Zelda, would you please drop it!” You hear the Champion yell, his voice carrying over the wind and somehow getting louder. “We’ve had this conversation before and it’s not the time to have it again. I have things to do excuse me.”

Wild storms into his house and shuts the door behind, blocking it with all his weight and waits for the indignant shrieking on the other side to go away. The voice ends with a frustrated huff and after a moment of silence, Wild relaxes and steps away from the door and further into the house.

You’re almost scared for the moment. You’ve not known Wild to yell, even less so for a Link to be on bad terms with Zelda no matter the universe. To make matters worse, you were the only that was actually within the house at the moment and you weren’t entirely sure how to proceed from here.

“Trouble in paradise?”

That probably wasn’t the way to go, if you were being honest with yourself.

Wild groans, loud and exaggerated and sits at the table in front of you with as much fan fair.

“Do not...call it that.” He sounds tired.

“Sorry.” You amend with an apologetic shrug. “That-” You reference to the scene outside. “-Didn’t sound ideal.”

“No. It’s not.” Wild sighs and places his face in his hands with his elbows on the table. Bad table manners, a small voice in your head pipes up. But it’s his house, so you bite your tongue.

“Can I ask what it was about?” You hesitatingly venture.

Wild takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “I wanted to live a simple life.” He starts. “Everything was over now, right? That was the idea I had. Defeat the evil and get to finally live as a normal man. Maybe explore more of my home and show Zelda all the cool things I’ve seen and done. Everything I knew, everything I remembered is gone and has been gone for a while. No one alive misses it. No one alive even knows about it. This is the world they were born into and they wouldn’t have it any other way. I was prepared to accept that and join them.”

Your face twists in sympathy as you nod along. “I take it that’s the issue here.”

“When I defeated Calamity Ganon and reunited with Zelda, she seemed so full of hope and purpose.” Wild continues. “I saw it in her eyes. She wanted a different thing to what I wanted.”

“And what’s that?”

Wild gives you a pained look. “Zelda wants to try and rebuild the kingdom. Make it into what she remembers it to be. She wants to strengthen relationships with the other nations and reestablish the royal family and a whole lot of other things that I cannot begin to think of how long it would both take and last considering all the damage that already been done. She wants to be Queen. And over what? Hyrule Kingdom is no more. Can’t be a Queen without a kingdom to rule and there’s not a lot of Hylians left that would agree to being ruled over or even enough of them to count as a kingdom to begin with.”

“I suppose it’s not a bad goal to have but you do make a point.” You try and add to the conversation, feeling wildly out of your depth. “Does she know that you-”

“Yes. And she thinks I’m crazy for it. She thinks that I’ve given up on my friends and the past and the future and- uugghhh.” Wild leaned forward and slams his head on the table with enough force to make you jump.

“That look like it hurt.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“I believe you.” A small smile covers your face.

A beat passes before Wild continues to talk with his head still on top of the table. “I don’t think she realizes that I’ve changed after everything. Maybe if I had my memories to begin with, or maybe if I had managed to defeat Calamity Ganon sooner, I’d be more inclined to agree with her, but I’ve experienced so much and done so much that I don’t want to go back to how things were. I’m a different man now.” Wild looks up at you. “She’s different too but I don’t think she’s ready for that conversation.” 

“So you’re stuck with this one?”

“Yes.”

“That sucks man.” You shift in your seat. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Not if you can change the past.” He pouts.

“Shame. I’m fresh out of past changing wishing powder.”

“That’s not a thing.” He pouts even more.

You chuckle at the display before sobering up ever so slightly. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

“What good will that do?”

“Maybe a third person party has to step in. It could be that it’s because you’re the one who saying that she isn’t listening.” You shrug. “I think you’re right but I’m willing to give her chance to tell her side of the story while you cool down in here. I can be a distraction so you can sneak out quietly and she won’t know you’re here anymore! It’s a win win! And maybe you guys can come to an agreement when you both see each other again with new perspectives.”

Wild gives you another tired look and leans into his hand. “I doubt it would work. Zelda is incredibly stubborn, one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. But if you think it would help, I won’t stop you. I’ve run out of arguments and I’m done hearing hers.”

“Ok.” You say getting up and moving around the table. “I think it’s worth a shot. There’s a saying where I’m from that goes, ‘it’ll all be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, then it’s not the end.’”

You give Wild a hug around his shoulder and squeeze him tight. “I have faith that you’ll pull through and get to live peacefully, but until then, you’ve got us on your side ok?”

He leans in your direction and wraps his arms around your own. “I know. I figured as much.”

“Good man.”

“I’m definitely sneaking out of here though.”

“That’s fair. Go hide.”

“I will... And thanks for listening to me. I didn’t mean to go off like that.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

Four

"I'm sorry, what?" Four snaps his head up to stare at the Champion.

"What?" Wild tilts his head. "What? There's no stuff in the grass in my Hyrule. Just crickets and lizards...you know normal stuff. I don't know why there's tools and rupees in all of yours."

"You don't-" Four cut himself off with a click of his teeth, a piece in his mind clicking into place. He stands suddenly, clearly upset and tense as he processes the information.

"Four?" You call out to him but he doesn't respond to you, nor does he look back.

"Four!" Hyrule calls as well. "Where are you going?"

No reply.

"I'll go with him. Just in case." You stand up in a rush and nearly knock over the equipment at your feet in the process. "Don't wait up for us."

You follow him.

Four is fast and quiet and it takes very little time to lose him- or rather, for him to lose you.

Before you knew it, there's no trace of him and there's nothing within the forest that would give you a hint to his whereabouts.

"Great." You hiss and look around.

Nothing.

"Four!" If he won't show himself, you'll just have to make some noise. "Four! Four! Show me a sign so I know you're not dead!"

You wait.

"Don't make me get Wolfie!"

Nothing.

"Four!" You scream a little louder and begin to run. Now that you've said it out loud, despite being a joke in the beginning, the thought of Four being dead somewhere spikes your panic and anxiety and it fuels your quest.

It's only been a few minutes and Four can handle himself just fine but you don't think about that.

"FOUR!"

"Why are you screaming?" A voice come just beyond you.

You sprint toward it and find Four in a small clearing, crouched down and appearing to hold something in the palm of his hand.

"I was calling you." You don't know how you find it in you scold him. "A response would have been nice."

"Sorry." He shrugs. "I was having a conversation, it would be rude to drop it."

You get on your tip toes to look around him and find nothing. "With... With what?"

Four looks down into his hand and places it, ever so gently, on the ground, pausing and standing up to see you. "You can't see them?"

"See who?" You step over to him. "Four? Are you ok?"

His face twists in annoyance before sighing. "I'm fine."

"No offence, but I doubt that."

"It... a group of creatures that can only be seen by good children. They were important on my quests and have helped me greatly. Children usually stop seeing them around the time when they turn sixteen."

"Would it be easy for me to chalk it all up to magic?" You bit your lip.

"Probably. If it'll help you sleep at night." Four sighs and looks down to the ground, a small smile on his lips before it twists into a painfully and... he looks seconds from crying.

"I did so much to help them... and they helped me.... They leave gifts in the grass to help travelers and us heroes alike and yet... Wild says it doesn't happen anymore..." Four gulps and looks away from you and what ever is by his foot. "They wouldn't stop.... They're incredibly kind and hospitable and... There's no reason for them... Why are they gone?"

"Four." You reach out and place a hand on his shoulder.

"What happens to them?" His Adam's apple bobs a bit as he sucks in a breath. "It just means there was no one to help them."

"Oh Four." You pull him into a hug and nearly crush him with it.

"There's nothing I can do to help them, is there?" He sniffles into your chest.

"No, I... I don't think so Four. Not that far out into the future." You shake your head and begin to rub circles on his back.

You don't think he's crying but he might be fighting it because he does begin shaking.

He doesn't say anything else and you're loath to let him go when he's so emotionally charged. So you hold him. You hold him for as long as he needs and you wait for him to pull away first.

When he does, you keep your hands on his shoulders and he stays within your reach. Four begins to take deep calming breaths with his eyes closed and you instinctually run your hands through his bangs and push some of the loose hairs from his face.

Minutes continue to pass and the sounds of nature around you fill the void.

"I'm sorry." You say. "I wish I could help you but I don't know how."

Four nods and rubs his eyes. "I don't doubt that. Thank you. I'll be ok."

You don't think he's ready to go back to the group just yet, not after all that. "Tell me more about these friends of yours. How did they help you? How did you help them? What are they exactly?"

It earns you a small laugh and he grins up at you with a watery smile. "Sit down. And let me tell you about the Picori."

Twilight

“You almost died and for what?!” Twilight screams at Wild for the umpteenth time.

It startles you to hear his voice reach such volumes but you’re inclined to agree with him this time around. After Wild’s stunt with taking a hit to the head for Wind, you’d been on the look out for his more... self sacrificing behavior. You knew he wouldn’t think twice to do it and you tried to make it so there wouldn’t even be a chance for him to make such a decision.

This time though, in this last fight, you took your eyes off of him for only a moment and that’s when he broke his streak of uneventful fights. 

Twilight, of course, is livid and has no regard for the poor creatures of the forest that have to endure his tirade as he unleashes his concern and worry in the form of rage and over exaggerated gestures.

When Hyrule finishes healing your more minor wounds, you slink away from the soon to be screaming match since Wild is very much still conscious, if a little roughed up. You don’t intended to stray as far as you go but you don’t find it in yourself to care for the time being.

Being around so many people for so long is taxing. You make the executive decision to remove yourself for the time being while tensions are high, to both cool off and to avoid getting hit in the crossfire.

There’s a small creek nearby, you find, and decide to make a small space for yourself there until dinner comes rolling around. The birds and the babbling waters calm your soul and snuffle out the last of the adrenaline. You don’t know how long you sit there, but you can faintly hear the screaming match in the distance that you dipped out of.

You don’t regret it.

More time passes and you find that you may or may not have taken a small nap in the meantime. If the position of the sun is anything to go by.

Despite the pain in your back from sleeping against a tree, the slight ache in your neck from the angle you slept in, you feel better. Clearer, even.

You hope your absence wasn’t entirely noticed but you can’t seem to regret leaving either.

Footsteps creep closer to you and you huddle into a small ball out of habit to avoid detection.

It’s Twilight.

He walks near the creek and takes a heavy seat next to it. He looks both pale or red faced at the same time but exhaustion is laced in his entire body from what you can tell.

He doesn’t notice you.

You uncurl and set your legs out in front of you. Leaning forward a little, as quietly as you can, you see that he’s upset. It doesn’t surprise you. But seeing as you don’t how to deal with an upset Twilight and you can’t really sneak away without crossing his line of sight or making any miniscule noise, you still yourself and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Twilight calls your name. Quietly and hollow- like he’s not all there. Or in the way one would talk to a memory.

It’s immediately unsettling. Both in how he sounds and how he knew you were there without you doing anything. But you suppose Twilight can just sense things like that from times to time. It’s certainly not the first time he’s done it.

“I’m here.” You reply.

“How long?”

“A few hours I think. Longer than you were here that’s for sure.” You shrug and slowly crawl out of your hidey hole. “I think I fell asleep....The sun wasn’t over there when I first got here.”

Twilights hums in what you think is agreement but it’s really only a sound. “It’s a nice spot.”

You smile. It’s tense and little fake, but he’s not looking at you so you don’t care for authenticity. “Good thing it’s big enough for the both of us huh?”

“Yeah.” He looked into the distance again, noting that the sun is beginning to set and takes a deep breath. “Do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls?”

“Can’t say that I have.” You move closer to him, aiming to sit by his side. “I’ve always enjoyed sun sets and I find them calming to watch but hearing someone finding them sad is a new one. Do you feel sad as dusk falls?”

He hums again. “They say it’s the only time their world interacts with ours.”

“Whos?”

“Lingering spirits I suppose...” Twilight tilts his head upwards before twisting it to look at you. “It’s nothing. I’m just reminiscing about my life before my adventure is all. My... father told me those words and I haven’t forgotten them since.”

You hum this time and lean back to mirror him. “Wanna tell me why?”

“That Champion reminds me so much of myself and yet... he’s ten times worse.” Twilight falls backwards with a soft thump. “I know why he does it but I...”

“You care about him and don’t want to see him hurt.” You shrug. “It’s not exactly a new concept.”

“Tell that to him.”

“Maybe I will. He gets just as upset as you do when this happens, you know.” You shift your weight to make it easier to stand up later.

“Does he? You’d think that he’d get the point to stop doing then.” He growls.

“Maybe he’s scared of losing more friends.” You blurt before you can stop yourself. That was something Wild told you in confidence and while he didn’t say you couldn’t tell anyone- that was kinda implied.

Twilight stills for a moment, the fight leaving him again in a single breath as he considers your words. They don’t seem to be new news to him.

Wild is pretty close to Twilight...Maybe he already knew.

“I still think I’m entitled to not like it.” He settles.

“It’s not he’s asking you to be ok with it. I know I’m not.” 

“I guess that’s fair then.” Twilight sits up again and stands up in one fluid motion that you envy. With a turn on his heel, he holds his hand out to you to take.

You take it and feel him effortlessly lift you off of the ground with that one hand.

You don’t comment on it.

“Come on.” He says. “I’m going to need you for moral support.”

“Why?”

“If I yelled in front of him of the whole group, I should apologize to him in front of the whole group.” He admits and wraps his arm around your shoulders. “But I might need an excuse to get close to him again after all the things I’ve said.”

“I get your desert and you’ve got yourself a deal. I left to not get involved and here you are... involving me.” You tease. “I demand payment.”

“One desert? I can do that.”

Hyrule

“I can’t do this.” You snap your head to the sound of the voice and see Hyrule with his arms cross and shaking.

“What? What’s happening? Hyrule?” You step closer to him as you’re the only one within arms reach. “What do I need to do? How can I help?”

“There’s nothing. Nothing you can do, that can make this better.” Hyrule takes one ground step before throwing his arms down. “Don’t you see them? With all their tools and experience and then there’s- me. Just me. Some magic later and a old man with a sword and I found myself trying to save my princess and defeat some evil, but these guys...”

You look around, trying to see if Legend or Sky are close enough to give you back up, or better yet, take over. You suppose it’s better than a panic attack but it’s so left field that you’re stunned and floundering to catch this hot potato of a conversation.

He keep talking.

“For all that is good and holy, they are heroes. Do you see them? Some of them have training, and families and skills and I....was just a boy in a grave yard. How can I even compete with them? I don’t, that’s how. But how can they consider me an equal? When I was in town and listened to the elders and their stories, they would tell me of a legendary hero from the past who courageously defended our home until the very end and who was virtually undefeated in all his adventures. And then I meet Legend....and he’s so much cooler than all those stories combined.”

“Link.” You call out to him and back to the real world. “You need to slow down for me honey because you’re too fast for me to keep up. What do you mean how can they see you as an equal? You defeated Ganon just as they did. You stood up for your home just as they did. You did it all on your own just as they did. Why wouldn’t they consider you an equal? No one cares about where you’re from, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“But they can do so many things even without the sword!” He exclaims. “They all have a place to go to, a person who cares about them, a title or a skill and a world that’s not on the brink of collapse-”

“Ok, whoa, hey.” You step into his space and take his face into your hands, bringing it up for him to look you in the eyes.

“I have no idea what brought this up but I won’t stand for anyone talking bad about you. And that includes you. We... can talk about your home with clearer heads later, ok? Maybe the others can help with that when we get there, yeah? And well....” You’re sinking. You don’t know what to do with all this information and you have even less of an idea about how to address it.

“Good golly, when it rains, it pours with you lot, doesn’t it?” You hiss under your breath and bite the bullet. With a strong grip, you wrap your arms around the Traveler and pull him close. You try to keep your grip strong without fear of hurting him, but it hits you then how thin he is. How light he actually is. You can feel the hint of armor under his tunic and it does little to quell your fears.

“Clearly there’s a lot on your mind. And... I’m probably not the person to help you through this. If you want to talk about not belonging though, I’m free to listen. I’m the only one here who’s not a Link, if you haven’t noticed.” You try to joke but it falls a little flat. “You though... You belong here with all of us... all of them... And if you need more convincing then I’m bringing this up with Legend who’s is over the moon proud of you and what you can do and he told me himself that he couldn’t be happier to have you as his successor-”

“Really?”

“Not in those exact words admittedly,-” You gulp as the word vomit continues to bubble out of you in waves of panic. “-but I know that’s what he meant because he doesn’t stop talking about how cool you are.”

“Hm.”

“And everyone has a different background, ok? Everyone has skills and people that the others don’t have. That’s ok. It’s not a competition. I get worried that one day you guys are going to create some game out of all your trauma. Like... who had it worse and just go around in a circle listing off all the things that happened to each of you... Whoever runs out of things to say or can’t think of something as bad or worse than the others is out. Last man standing wins.”

“Don’t give them ideas.” You feel him chuckle. It’s breathless and small and it doesn’t reach your ears despite your closeness but you feel it.

“Good thing it’s just you and me right now.” You sigh a little in relief and loosen the hug. “Look, just.....whatever you think you can’t do, just know that there is someone who is confidently doing it wrong right now. In the group or not, just keep your eyes and watch. They don’t plan on doing it better either and people are celebrating them for it. Please believe in your own excellence as much as they believe in their mediocrity.”

“Big words.”

“You’re awesome for trying. Others are not and don’t plan to. You’re already better than them.” You amend, stepping away to look him in the eye again. “The group can’t do magic like you can. That’s all you. They all have items sure but no one can do what you do... and you’re self taught, right? That’s incredible! You have just as much as a reason to be here as the others. I swear it.”

Hyrule sighs and gulps. He doesn’t believe you. It’s not enough.

You knew it wouldn’t be and it’s definitely doesn’t scratch the tip of the iceberg of the bomb he just dropped on you but... step by step. Little by little. you have a plan.

“Screw it. Let’s catch up with Wind and Warrior and get them to tell you how awesome you are, since you won’t listen to me. And if you’re still a nonbeliever then we move on to the next pair. We’ll go down the line if we have to.” You nod and grab his hand, beginning to drag him along.

He laughs after you, a little hysterical and in disbelief. “You’re crazy.”

“That is not new information.” You reply, hiding your grin. “I say it’s Hyrule loving hours and I’m gonna get everyone to join.”

“You’re not joking are you.” It’s a statement. He already knows the answer.

“Nope!”

Legend

It was your turn on watch for the night. In an hour or two you were supposed to wake the Veteran for his shift and finally catch some sleep.

The others snored and slept away without a care in the world. It was just you and cackling fire that was active but you’d kill for something to help your mind get passed the boredom.

Anything but monsters or an attack that is. You’d hate to jinx your good luck so far.

In the corner of your eye, while fighting to keep your head up, you see Legend shift. Not necessarily unusual. You’re inclined to ignore it.

But then he shifts again, whimpering like he’s been hurt and a white knuckled grip on the blanket.

You still and begin to wonder what’s your level of care here.

Part of you, in kindness, wants to go wake him. The lack of sleep seems more merciful than letting him suffer a prison of his own making.

But you also don’t know how he’ll react.

You know he’d hate to be seen as weak for whatever normal reason and he’s been inclined to wake up swinging in the right circumstance.

Twilight suffered a broken nose for the whole night because he was disinclined to wake up Hyrule or take a potion.

Not you’d make the same decision and suffer the whole night in the same manner but it certainly fails to sound appealing.

Just as your about to appeal to your better nature and force yourself to go wake him before it gets worse, he shoots up into a sitting position with a strangled scream. The job seems to have been done for you- but in the worse way.

He’s breathing hard with his hand gripping his chest. Legend begins to frantically look around and slowly begins to piece together where he is and what’s happened. He never looks behind him, where you are, before running a hand through his hair a little harder than you think reasonable and getting to his feet.

You cough slightly, leaning away from the fire and back into previous position. You hadn’t realized you leaned into his direction as you watched him, inches from putting your face into the flame.

He startles at the sound and whips around, one hand poised to reach the sword he’s not equipped with.

“It’s just me.” You wave. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

He calms somewhat and you can see his jaw flex. “Well, goodnight to you.”

His voice is croaked- from disuse or an overwhelming emotion, you’re not sure.

“For me maybe. But you? That was quite a scare you gave me as well.” You play it off. You can at least pretend that you weren’t watching him. That you would have saved him a little earlier and took your sweet time doing it. You offer a peace offering to your morals. “Want to talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?” He snaps, furiously rubbing his face. “It’s nothing new. We all deal with it one way or another.”

“True. But it’ll be easier to let it go, and let the experience float up into the air and never return. Otherwise it’ll fester and grow.” You shrug. “But I won’t force you. I know you’re not exactly fond of me.”

Legend glares into the fire as you talk and refuses to look at you. Once you finish though, he moves his head away, still not in your direction but visually drops more tension from his shoulders.

He doesn’t say anything.

“There’s a spot next to me with your name on it if you want it.” You offer. “A little company wouldn’t hurt.”

He takes more time to respond and you resolve to go back to staring at the fire.

A moment or two passes and you hear the faint sound of crunched foliage. It takes of your will power to not look up as he approaches and even more so when he decidedly sits next to you.

The fabric of his tunic brushes your leg for a minute and it strikes you odd that he sat that close despite the rest of the log at his disposal.

It must have been bad if he wants to be close to someone right after. The thought enters your mind. Once it’s there you don’t chase it away and instead casually lean back with your hand behind you.

If the angle causes you to lean closer to him in the process, you don’t say anything. 

And if Legend notices, he doesn’t say anything either.

A moment of time passes in silence, the only sounds through the whole forest are crickets and a passing owl with the occasional whisper through the trees.

“How do you do it?” He asks.

“Do what?” You tilt your head in his direction.

He’s still not looking at you.

“Keep going.”

The answer shocks momentarily but you’re not surprised that it’s coming from him out of the whole group. “Legend-”

“I’m tired.” He says instead. “I hate this. I hate that sword. I hate that pig demon. I hate that I can’t be done.”

You hand comes up to his shoulder and you force him to look at you. 

He lets you and he looks up to you with tears building up in his eyes and for a moment you’re struck by the odd balance of how old he sounds but how young he looks- is.

You stuck floundering for a response to answer him with but he asks one more thing. “Why can’t I be done?”

You pull him into a hug before you can stop yourself. “I don’t know. I don’t know Link.”

You find yourself wanting to cry as well once Legend collapses into the hug. He’s not hugging you back but he’s being held for the first time in... you don’t know how long. Your grip tightens.

“But I do know is that you’re not alone. Not anymore. And maybe....maybe this is the final fight. That’s why we’re all together right? A darkness so evil ahead that every hero is required and then....rest. For each and every one of you.”

You sniffle, carding your fingers through his hair without a moments hesitation. “If it’s not then I’ll fight everything for you from then on. I’ll take your place you hear me. I’ll take your job and title and you won’t have to do this anymore.”

“I’m the Hero of Legend. That’s not exactly an easy thing-”

“No. I am the hero now. I’ve decided it.” You hide the tears in his hair to the best of your ability.

Legend snorted, loud and wet but you elected to ignore it just as you were ignoring the ever growing wet spot on your shoulder. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“It does now. I said so.”

A beat.

“...Ok.” He sniffled and rubbed his head on your shirt. He took a deep breath and exhaled, letting the night take over the atmosphere again. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

He nods once, definitive and final. Your expecting him to let go now and return to his roll, already electing to take over his shift as well and just push through the next day.

Except he doesn’t.

Legend calls your name, testing the waters and lifts his head up ever so slightly. “...It’s not that I’m... not... fond of you-”

“Save it for a rainy day.” You grin. “I think you’ve had your fill of emotions for the night.”

He nods and eventually slips into sleep with his head on your chest, no doubt lulled by your heartbeat.

With tearful eyes, you stare back into the fire.

Time

Time marched from the stunned group the same way a parent does after making a scathing remark instead of a lecture.

You know the one. 

“I’m not mad. Just disappointed.”

The poor boys suddenly didn’t know what to so with themselves or how to get back into Time’s good graces.

You felt for them and their awkward meandering through the camp. So, with your pride swallowed, you follow in the vague direction where Time went off to and decided to at least talk him down.

He is... decidedly harder to find than you previous imagined.

Just as your starting to think the Old Man doesn’t want to be found, you hear subtle swing. It’s to your left and it sounds heavy.

So naturally you follow it

Which leads you to a small clearing just beyond a bunch of bushes.

Time is there, full armor still on and swinging his giant sword forcefully, each swing stronger than the last. It’s as if it weighs only as much as Four. You’ve wondered in the past what it would like if he decided to actually throw the smallest ones of the group but out of fear, do not voice your ideas.

Just because Time won’t doesn’t mean that the others won’t try.

It’s hard being the responsible one when there are nine Links to take care of, each as much as a gremlin as the last. It must be hell on Time’s back to carry the group.

You see where he’s coming from and yet...

“You can stand to be a little more patient with them.” 

The words are out of your mouth before you can actually stop them.

Time stops abruptly, in both the figurative and literal sense, before the man turns to you with that same face of neutral disappointment.

“They are heroes.”

“They are also children, Time. I think that it’s because they are heroes that they deserve to act their age every now and then.”

“Slacking won’t divert the evil away from our home.”

“Running face first into the problem won’t solve it either.” You sigh and walk up the man. He tenses as you approach and slowly lets his weapon down. The Hero of Time is an intimidating creature but you refuse to let that dissuade you.

“Look, I know why you’re upset. I get it. It’s hard to get a job done when you feel like you’re the only one it’s important to... But have a little faith in our group. Please.” You plead and stop right in front of him. You have to look up at him slightly due to the angle but he was forced to acknowledge you here.

His arms cross and he opens his mouth to respond but you cut him off.

“You’re right, they are heroes and there is a job to be done and an evil to be done away with. But they were even younger when they earned the title. They still vanquished the darkness even for their age. You have to trust that they will do the same here.” You reach up and put your hands on his shoulders, getting onto your tip toes to look him in the eye better. “And they will. Because they are heroes. Because they have the spirit of courage. Because they are Link... Just like you.”

He softens his stance ever so slightly but he still doesn’t look pleased.

“It’s not easy I know.” You get down again. “But they look up to you. I think all of them do. And I can’t stand to see how hurt they look when you get upset when they act their age. It’s not like they can help it.”

He takes a deep breath and uncrossed his arms. He takes a minute to respond. Time stared at you intensely before he drops all the tension in his body and finally lets his weapon go. A single hand comes up to pat your head. 

“Let’s head back to camp.”

He says nothing else and continues to walk past you and back the way you came.

You don’t ignore the sense of accomplishment and refuse to dampen it when you catch the tiniest slivers of a smile before he turns away from you completely.

Wind

You’re lying peacefully on the dirt when you hear someone sit beside you with more power than would ever be needed.

You don’t open your eyes for the sake of the other person, not really thinking much of it and even forgetting that they were there until you heard the smallest of sniffles.

Now, you’re sitting straight up with wide and concerned eyes locking directly onto the crying form of your beloved pirate. 

It’s hard not to feel for him and while you’re not sure what sprung this up, you don’t have it in you to turn him away, or to ignore that he was upset.

Neither of you say anything and you’re almost afraid it make the picture in front of you a little too real.

Instead, you move yourself closer to him and open up your arms.

Wind doesn’t hesitate to throw himself onto you and let his body sag with unwanted emotion.

As sobs silently rack his body, you begin to feel yourself rock back and forth for both his comfort and yours. Soon you start running your hands through his hair and rub small circles on his back. 

He cries for a long time and never once gives you a clue why.

You don’t ask either.

Still, once the moment has passed, you continue to hold onto him. He doesn’t make any moves to let go of you any time soon and you’re happy to be there for as long as he’ll let you.

That doesn’t stifle your concern over the cause but you’re loath to bring it up.

Minutes pass with the boy in your arms and it’s only when you shift positions, does he look up at your face. His eyes aren’t as red anymore with the amount of time that’s passes since he’s stopped crying but his face is still a little puffy and his cheeks are both stained in tears and incredibly red.

A small smile creeps onto your face when you look back at him. “Feel better?”

“A little.” He admits and sniffles the last of the tears away, wiping his face with his sleeve. “Thanks.”

“For you? Anytime.”

Warrior

It struck you as odd that it was dinner time the group seemed to be missing someone.

Earlier that day the group had split up to take down some troublesome monsters on the border of some tiny town defenseless town and that was that.

It didn’t seem like big deal nor was it a particularly hard thing to do. The monsters weren’t infected and they didn’t have numbers on their side so your group took care of the pests in a matter of moments.

And yet, when everyone regrouped there was a visible tension.

Some thing had happened on the other side of the fight and no one wanted to fess up, even less so when Time mentioned it.

It worried you.

Now, as it stood the tension was still there but Warrior didn’t want to come out of the wood work.  He had left earlier claiming to need to check up on his appearance and no one had questioned him. No one offered to go with him.

It was always dangerous to go alone.

“Hey, has anyone seen Warrior?” You glance around again, hoping it was just a miscount on your part. “It’s been awhile since he left.”

“He takes his sweet time.” Legend snapped. “And you know how narcissistic he is. He’s probably trying to get every single little hair in the right place and working out every little blemish in his stupid uniform-”

“I’m going to look to him.” You stand, placing your cooling food down by your foot. You don’t know what happened or what caused it but at least an idea begins to form. “It’s been too long regardless. Keep my food warm for me, yeah?”

You don’t wait for a response and walk away into the tree line where you think Warrior might be.

“It’s getting dark. Be careful.” Someone calls from behind you, mouth clearly full of food.

“Yes sir.” You reply.

You march on.

When you’re sure you’re far enough away, you begin to call out to Warrior.

It takes a minute to get any results but you’re starting to worry about your friend. The sun is lowering in the horizon as time goes by and you’re beginning to feel silly and frustrated and-

“I’m here.” A tired voice replies.

“Oh thank goodness.” You cross the distance between you two. “I was really starting to worry.”

Warrior puts on a brave face and a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes greets you when you stop in front of him. His look a little puffy and you think his eyes might be a little red but it easily be the lighting- or lack there of.

“Are you ok?”

“Obviously.”

You doubt him and it must have shown on your face because he immediately begins walking away. “Well look at the time. Crazy how fast the sun goes. Let’s get back to the group and eat. I’m starving-”

You grab his wrist as he pasts you and get a good look at him. “Are you ready to go back to the group? They can wait a little longer if you want them too.”

It irritated you that it’s come to this. How no one went to check on him. How no one offered to go with you. How no one seemed bothered by this. How long that he was alone dealing with something that’s been bothering him. How it took you so long to do something.  

“No. It’s fine.” He says. Lying. It must have really bothered him, usually he’s better than this. “It’s about time to head back anyway.”

“They can wait.” Your grip tightens. “The sun can wait. We’re not obligated to be there. What’s wrong? ...If you want to talk about it that is...” You trail off uselessly. It only occurred to you that near the end that he may not even speak about with you. You weren’t the closest in terms of grouping but you can’t stand the thought of someone hurting alone.

“I’m fin-”

“You look like you were crying.” You cut him off. “If you don’t want to talk about it with me, that’s fine, just say it. But you might need more time before you head back anyway if you actually want them to believe you when you say you’re fine.”

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“Warrior?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“If it bothers you then it’s not nothing.”  You push. “But....fine. I won’t force you to talk to me. I just wanted to see if you were ok... You’re not but it’s better than seeing you bleeding I suppose.” You grit your teeth, annoyed by the lack of results. You did tell him that he didn’t have to talk to you and you don’t hurt him further but part of you wants to fix this. Even if you don’t know what it is, your heart calls for justice at his pain.

But he is unwilling.

“Camp is this way by the way.” You mention, looking at the ground. “You were actually farther away than I thought, so it’s a bit of a walk.”

“I just think it’s easier for people when I’m not around.”

You still and slowly turn to face him. 

He’s looking at the ground as well, unable to say it and look you in the eye. It’s not what you were expecting and you’re not sure how to follow after that.

It’s a rare moment of vulnerability for him- even rarer that he’s showing it to you and you don’t want to squander the show of trust.

“Back home...there was a lot of... attention on me. A lot of blame... for starting the war. Or at least being the cause of it.” He admits, scuffing his shoe against the dirt. A little bit kicks up and sticks to the toe. He does nothing about it. “People listened to what I had to say because I was some destined hero. At first I didn’t think anything of it because I had thought it was one big mistake and sooner or later people were going to see that I was just some soldier not worth the time of day. It happened to be pure luck that Impa got it right when she gave me this uniform. Zelda made me a captain because of it and suddenly I had all of these men I had to give orders to. And if anything failed or if we lost, it would all have fallen on me. The blame, the guilt, the responsibility of the war...and then we found out why Cia was even opening these portals to begin with-”

You hug him.

“Please don’t cry.” You say into his chest. Your throat is tight and it a little hard to breath but you power through. “I’m not good at this. I never have been.”

“I’m not going to cry. It’s not worth crying.”

“I’ll cry for you then.” You admit and hug him tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It was no ones fault.” Warrior hugs you back and rests his head on top of yours. His voice seems a little tight too and you’re sorry for all the things that he must have gone through. 

You hug him for as long as you deem appropriate before letting your arms go lack and stepping away.

Or... at least you try to.

Warrior suddenly has a grip on you and refuses to let you leave.

“Please... Just stay a little longer.”

You do.

[lathalea]

If you were to date Thorin...tell me three things you'd agree on/you'd get along great and three you'd fight about for sure!

Oh, I love a challenge, thank you for this wonderful ask!

Three positive things:

1. We'd have quite a few similar interests. Whenever one of us would propose a fun activity, like a walk under the stars, a hike in the mountains and so on, the other one would be happy to do it together. In other words, we'd have plenty of fun together, making the bond between us even stronger.

2. PDA. Thorin, as a very affectionate dwarf, would definitely show his feelings in public - wrapping his arms around me, giving me a hug or pressing his forehead against mine. Needless to say, I'd do the same.

3. Public vs private life. I'd understand that Thorin is a king and needs to make decisions that put the good of his realm first, even if it meant that he would have to act against his heart from time to time. I don't like to be idle so I imagine I'd help him rebuild Erebor and share some of his burdens in some way. if some of his decisions would lead to disagreements, we would both know how to draw a line between fulfilling the public duties and being a couple. At the end of the day, we'd simply be together, happy that we have each other. That's what matters the most, right?

Three negative things:

1. Marriage. Being a king, Thorin would probably like to make our relationship formal quite soon. I would be reluctant about it until I was sure that this is the right decision and that I really want it. Thorin would probably brood endlessly over this, and he, a stubborn dwarf, he'd like me to agree to marry him as soon as possible, while I, a stubborn human, would be doing lots of backpedalling every time he pushed. But I imagine we'd find a way out in the end 😏

2. Jealousy. I can see Thorin being jealous whenever he'd see the lady of his heart in the company of other dwarves/elves/men, especially when she has a good time with them. Not because he wouldn't trust me, but because he'd be a bit possessive. I guess I'd have to show him somehow that he has nothing to worry about... 😈

3. Overprotective. Dwarves are known for wanting to protect the ones who means a lot to them and that would lead to quite a lot of tensions between us. I'm a free spirit by nature and I like to be left to my own devices sometimes while he'd like to have me surrounded by guards and sitting deep inside the mountain whenever he's not around. I, on the other hand, would prefer to sneak outside or explore the deepest caverns of Erebor on my own (while he's busy being a king), without a whole platoon of Dwarven warriors following my every move.

And what about you? What three positive and negative things about your relationship with Thorin would you pick? I'm tagging everyone who wants to join, including @fizzyxcustard @thewarriorandtheking @legolasbadass @xxbyimm @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @middleearthpixie @sketch-and-write-lover @kibleedibleedoo @linasofia 💙

[cimmunist]

I did Cimmerian, now it's time for Clef! Like before, the one on the left is my main interpretation and the one I use in mine and my friend's, @bluethepearldiver, AU Gods and Pawns. The one on the right is the @ask-dr-cimmerian version. I put a more detailed overview under the cut, feel free to skip the blog version if you don't want spoilers.

GaP/Main interpretation of Clef:

Species: Immortal human (in most of the versions of the AU)

Age: Unspecified, really fucking old

Gender/orientation: Doesn't use labels, but if I have to specify he's non-binary, on the acearo spectrum and mostly prefers men

Pronouns: Any, prefers he/they

Ethnicity/nationality: Middle eastern, comes from Eden

Job: Department Head of training and development, an O5 or field agent in some of the versions of the AU

Appearance: 5'7'' plus size man, though weight fluctuates during the story, as he forgets to eat during a lot of stress. Two eyes, right is green, left is blue and hazel. Has sharp teeth, covered in scars, the biggest one being the x shaped scar on his chest, later on, gets a snake-shaped scar carved into his right arm. Naturally black/dark brown hair that's greying, uses his reality-bending to make it blonde because he's too lazy to dye it. Always carries around a star-shaped pin.

Personality & health:

Outgoing, charming loudmouth

Lies quite a lot, likes to tell clearly exacerbated stories (people just got used to it)

Cheerful and easily excitable

A huge bastard, loves to tease his friends and coworkers

Not afraid to speak his mind when needed, can be quite abrasive

Avoids confrontation when it comes to personal matters

Doesn't get angry easily, but when he does he gets quiet and stern

Will never cry in public, usually just in private or in front of people he trusts

Struggles a lot with PTSD (which is a problem when you can literally bend reality around you) and later on depression

Relationships:

Love interests: Bright, Kondraki and Cimmerian

Exes: Lilly (abusive + a God, bad combination), Kushim (friend's oc)

Friends: Aaron/Administrator/O5-1A (work acquaintance), Joseph Tamlin (brief old friend), Etienne Baudelaire (old friend, friend's oc), Lilith (best friend), Sophia Light (close-ish work friend), Maveth (friend, oc), Dory (old friend, oc), Lucy (old friend), Raphael (old friend)

Family: Brother to Eve/O5-1B and Kineret (oc, deceased), brother-in-law to Adam, uncle to a bunch of kids including Abel/076 and Cain/073. Had a daughter, Rut, with Kushim and a daughter, Meri, with Lilly.

Trivia:

Mostly known for two things: his great distaste and disrespect to gods, and his talent to almost dying but somehow getting away still alive (lovingly called a cockroach by the grim reaper for it)

Has literally fought gods 3 different times and survived, this list keeps on growing, somebody stop this man

Favourite hobby is probably annoying the death itself

How his immortality works: after he dies his body heals and he comes back to life

Loosely followed the 4231 canon, with some big changes to fit his backstory

Deathly afraid of deep water and drowning (ironic for an immortal)

Literally considered a Saint in one of the religions? Absolutely despises that fact

Real name is Abishai, but doesn't mind going by Abby or any of his many, many nicknames

Actually physically fought Adam Bright before, wouldn't mind doing it again

Very close with his sister

His other sister, Kineret, died saving him. He has major survivor guilt over it.

Actually helped create the foundation, since his sister is the founder, but dipped almost immediately after and started working for the GOC

Rejoined many years later, in exchange for protecting Meri and letting him see her from time to time

Meri was born around the time ancient rome still existed and he was actually able to raise her, they're very close

Met Jack sometime in the 1920s-30s, he was Clef's first real friend in the Foundation

Actually the reason Kondraki got recruited

Contrary to popular belief, he can play on his ukulele very well and can write songs, he just chooses not to

Knows a lot of languages

Both a reality bender and a reality anchor, unable to be affected by other reality benders

Actually is a lot more powerful reality bender than he lets on

Got his X shaped scar on the chest from Lilly

Used to travel a lot and didn't liked to be tied to one spot

Blog version of Clef:

Species: Nephilim, half-human half-angel

Age: 98, looks ~40

Gender: Non-binary/genderqueer

Orientation: Oriented aroace/ ace demi-homoromantic

Pronouns: Any

Ethnicity/nationality: Mixed middle eastern, raised in Cornwall

Job: Liaison for the Ethics Committee

Appearance: 5'5'' plus-sized man. Has three eyes, one right green one, two left ones, one blue one hazel. Has sharp teeth, is covered in scars, the biggest one being an x shaped scar on his chest. Has burn scars on his feet. Has naturally black/dark brown hair, dyes it a lighter colour. He usually keeps his hair in a braid. Flowers grow out of his hair.

Personality & health:

The loud, annoying yet charming bastard of the ethics committee

Has generally a laid back, jokester personality

Very devoted to his family and friends

Not the type to get mad easily, when he does get angry he just gets quiet and stern

Never cries in public, just in private

Little bastard man, loves teasing his coworkers and husband

Struggles a lot with PTSD and paranoid delusions, but is slowly doing better

Relationships:

Love interests: Cimmerian, later on Bright and Iceberg

Ex: Lilly

Friends: Kondraki (old friend), Bright (old friend), Tiffany Okely (work friend)

Family: Bastard child of an angel, raised as an only child of a single mother. Had Epon with Lilly, later on, had an "accident" named Melody with his husband, adopted a step-parent role to Cimmerian's older daughters May and Eliza

Trivia:

Roughly follows the events of 4231

Raised Epon for the first few months to year's of their life before they were found to be anomalous and forcibly taken from him

Regularly checks up on his kid and leaves her small gifts

Semi-omniscient, ever since he was born he could just see and know things others couldn't. Perfectly aware of the fact Cimmerian is a demigod, even before their husband finds out himself. Uses his omniscience to check up on Epon and make sure they're okay.

Used to be very close with Bright before Cimmeriam swooped in and stole the man, slowly rebuilding that relationship

Cannot play the ukulele for the life of his and has no intentions of ever learning

Had a lot of bucket and cowboy hats but gave them all to Melody

Cimmerian made the mistake of allowing them to pick out Melody's clothes when they were little, now they have Clef's sense of style, oh no

Is afraid of water, shouting and slamming things is a major trigger of theirs, they also dislike deer and antlers for obvious reasons

Suffers from chronic scar pain in her legs

They have exactly 0 respect for any of the o5s

One of their hobbies is gardening

Pretty much majority of their scars were caused by Lilly

Alto Clef is their chosen name and god help you if you deadname them

Loves cats, they're her favourite animal

The platonic marriage with Cinmerian was their idea

Child of 001 /J

[infernal-fire]

Long Forgotten

I am choosing to not use warnings. Do not read if you are uncomfortable with themes of infidelity, angst, swearing and sexual innuendos. 

Summary: Your Steve isn’t yours anymore and you’re beginning to understand why. 

Word Count: 3.5k

Pairings: Steve x reader and a surprise appearance ;)

Disclaimer: this is set right after Endgame

A/N: this story was inspired by @nsfwsebbie’s fic please don’t take him (even though you can). it was so damn amazing. i thought of how the situation would go under different circumstances, and added a more strong willed reader into the mix  :)

i tried to proofread but im sort of posting in a rush so all mistakes are my own!

(This GIF does not belong to me)

Your head was nestled in the crook of Steve’s neck and his arms were cradling your tired form. Dried tears left your face feeling dry and your up do from the funeral was now tousled. Steve let out a heavy sigh and held you a little tighter. 

You could fall asleep if it weren’t for the looming stress of returning the stones so you decided to bide your time by focusing on the super soldier’s unnaturally slow heartbeat. 

“We should go, sweetheart. They’re waiting for me.” his voice broke the placid silence that had enveloped the room. 

You silently got off the bed and Steve’s hand nudged yours, stopping you from reaching the door. 

He slowly pulled you towards him and you met him halfway, face-to-face.

“I know things aren’t great right now. But we’ll get through this,” he spoke lowly as his large hands cupped your face. They felt rough against your supple skin, but his touch was as tender as ever.

You stared into his eyes for a moment before speaking. "I’ll come with you,” you offered.

“No,” he affirmed. His tone was firm yet a touch of softness was reserved in there somewhere, just for you.

“I love you Y/N. I’ll love you no matter what,” he said as he pulled your head into his chest and engulfed your body into his. 

//

You reached the new, mini version of the previously destroyed time travel contraption Tony made. Sam, Bucky and Professor Hulk were engaging in light conversation that clearly, none of them were interested in. You look up at Steve, who was as tense as ever, clutching your hand like a vice. He let go and glanced back at you before joining Sam. 

You knew deep down that Steve would never be the same anymore. Hell, after the Battle of Wakanda, Steve almost ended the relationship because the Avengers lost.

But the Avengers won this time, and things should feel different. So why did it feel like he was leaving forever? 

You recalled the very short conversation you had with him about Tony’s snap.

 “I should have snapped,” he sobbed. 

“You’ve always been selfless your whole life. This was Tony’s time to be selfless, and you don’t get to take that away from him.” You hugged him and cried with him. 

There was nothing else to be said.

How much you wished no one had to die. 

He stood on the platform and nodded at Bruce before locking eyes with you.

Apologetic. He looked apologetic. 

At the time, you thought he just looked sad. You assumed it was residual sadness from the funeral but looking back, you realized he looked apologetic for what he was about to do. 

Rebuilding your relationship wasn’t easy. Tony and Nat’s death and the trauma of the battle were overshadowing both of your feelings. You salvaged what you could and life returned to a “normal” that never existed. 

Being an Avenger means your living costs are covered by Tony, basically compensating for the missions. Only there weren’t any missions anymore. You were grateful but it meant that you had a lot of time on your hands. 

You took up a job as a waitress and Steve continued running sessions at the VA with Sam. It was humbling to be serving people at a diner after fighting alongside some of Earth’s mightiest heroes. But you needed it. And slowly but steadily, happiness crept its way into the tower. 

You didn’t see Steve around anymore though. You weren’t sure if you were even together anymore, aside from the forehead kisses and lingering glances.

You and Bucky set the table while you heard Sam and Steve banter over who gets to choose the movie today. Bucky chuckled and called them to eat.

There was relentless teasing, jokes being tossed around and big smiles everywhere.

“The nurse had poked him 2 times at this point and there was no blood coming out of him.” Sam laughed. 

“So she asks me if we can do the other arm.” Bucky snorted through breaths of amusement. 

“This guy pulls up his sleeve and the girl faints.” Sam howled as everyone doubled over in laughter. 

You wiped a tear from your eye and you look over at Steve who was laughing as well. It had been a long time since you’ve seen him so happy. 

Sure, he’d been distant. He hadn’t touched you since he came back. It had been 2 months though, and you wondered if you should try again tonight. You put a hand over Steve’s and he snapped his head to you. He gave you a small smile before slipping his hand out from under yours and picking up a napkin.

He needed the napkin, you told yourself. 

You went up to change into something that he might find more appealing. You were torn between the red lace set or the black corset. You settled for the classic red lace and tied on a robe before heading downstairs to tease him a little. 

“You’re going to tell her before you go right?” You heard Sam’s voice and broke your stride to the kitchen. 

“She won’t be happy.” You swore it was Steve’s voice but it was a little too quiet to be sure. You silently padded toward the kitchen, standing right outside the entrance to hear better.

“Of course she won’t be happy. You went back to be with a girl from 70 years ago and spent 4 months with her. You sort of cheated on her Steve.” Bucky’s voice quipped at Steve. 

You couldn’t be hearing right. Steve went back and got together with Peggy?

“It’s not sort of cheating, he almost got married to her,” Sam remarked in rebuttal. 

He almost got married to her. 

He almost got married to her. 

He almost got married to her.

There was so much information to process. Your shoulder sagged with the weight of the news and you cupped your mouth before anyone could hear your sob. 

“But I came back.” Steve countered. 

“Do you love her?” Bucky lowered his voice and inquired. 

“I don’t know anymore.” 

Your chest heaved and eyes burned. You wanted to gasp for air but you knew if you breathed, you would let out the anguish building in your stomach. 

Your back hit the wall and you slid down, not caring if he hears anymore. 

In moments, Steve, Bucky and Sam appear beside you with startled faces. 

You didn’t look at them as you got up and paced to your room. You thought you heard Steve’s voice calling after you but your thoughts pounded and clawed at the insides of your head. You couldn’t be sure and you weren’t going to turn back now. 

He didn’t run after you. You had predicted that he didn’t want to deal with your hysterical crying which surely could be heard past your room walls. When you considered it, this new Steve was actually quite predictable; you knew he wouldn’t bother bringing it up to you until you brought it up yourself. Because he was a coward like that, you decided. All of his actions spoke for themself and the one true motive behind his cheating is cowardice. You don’t know if you would have been okay with him going back to Peggy, but if he talked about it, things not have ended the way they did. 

After 2 days of not leaving your room, you knew that there was a better way to handle this. It wasn’t you who should be embarrassed; instead of sulking, you marched to his room with newfound determination. 

You threw open his door that he didn’t even bother locking. Steve was mid-speech with someone on the phone, seemingly a conversation that wasn’t going his way. He seemed tense, his muscles protruding from the tight white t-shirt pulled over him. 

Your jaw ticked as you shifted your weight onto one foot and rested on the doorframe, waiting for him to end the call. 

“I’m sorry to cut this short. We have a lot to talk about but it’ll have to happen in-person.” he concluded the phone call and sat on the bed with his head in his arms. 

“Seems like you planned it all.” you commented, trying to sound like you didn’t care. In reality, the wound was still very fresh. Even though a part of you had known that the relationship was over for some time now, you were only coming to terms with it now. 

“I wanted to tell you before I left, but you were just so upset and I couldn’t …” he trailed off. 

“All of a sudden you care about me? And now this is somehow my fault that you were too chicken to tell me,” you retorted, unimpressed with his answer.

“I have always cared about you and always will.” He got up and walked towards you. He cupped your face but you pushed his hand off, glaring up at him. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I admit I could’ve handled everything lot better but Y/N. When you told me Tony’s snap was his moment of selflessness, I realized that all I’ve ever done is be selfless. And I don’t regret any of it. But it was time I chose to do something for myself. Then I remembered Peggy and the life I left behind and I just knew this world would be okay without me so I chose to be selfish. I chose to be selfish, Y/n, and I don’t regret that either.” 

You were crying now, and Steve reached to wipe it off, but you smacked his hand. 

“You used to choose me. You woke up everyday and chose us. The day you decided you didn’t want this anymore, you decided you would just go ‘fuck all’ and cheat on me? You couldn’t have ended it like a normal person?” you questioned through your tears. Your vision was foggy but you kept wiping your eyes, trying not let him see your tears.

He sighed and let a few moments stretch on before he answered.  

“We both know that this relationship was over a long time ago Y/N.”

You noted his use of your name and not the usual pet name ‘sweetheart’ or ‘love’. It saddened you even more to think that he doesn’t associate those words with you anymore. 

“You’re a fucking bastard Rogers. You are the biggest coward I have ever met in my life. You may be the Captain America, but you are the biggest wimp in real life.” You could tell he was fuming because of your comment but you continued your spiel. 

“I tried everything to make this work. The moment that the thought of cheating crossed your mind, you should have broken my heart. Because all you did now was rip it out and stomp on it before spitting on the what’s left-”

“I can’t believe you’re standing here accusing me of not trying to make this work. You know what Y/N? I fucking left Peggy because I thought about you and thought I could make this work. And then I came back and remembered all the reasons why this wouldn’t work and now I regret it. I wish I could go back to Peggy.”

“Go fuck yourself Rogers,” you muttered and turned to leave. “Actually, go fuck Peggy’s skeleton Steve. I curse you with every cell in my body. I hope you never get to see her again. I know you’re trying to go back,” you added before wiping you final tear, once and for all. There was no way you were going to shed another tear on this asshole. 

Except, it wasn’t that simple. You did cry over it more, but if there’s anything you did right, it was making sure he never saw your tears. 

You also found that post-break up glow up’s were a real thing. The lack of missions means you didn’t need to see Steve unless you chose to be in the same space as him. So you chose to make new friends and bring new light into your life. There was no dread clouding your judgment because for once, there was no impending threat on the future of Earth. 

You cut your hair, you changed up your wardrobe and got as fit as you’ve ever been. Your friends made frequent stops at the Tower which eventually turned into dragging you into their bar hopping.

On the other hand, Steve was doing everything he could to go back to Peggy, just like you had predicted. You manifested his downfall. Hank Pym refused to let his work fall into the hands of the Avengers and Steve was having a very hard time convincing him otherwise. The final nail in the coffin was when Hank decided that Pym Particles should not be produced anymore. As long as the world didn’t understand the entirety of the quantum realm, no one should have access to something that could mess with it. No arguments could ensue because there was nothing anyone could say to change Hank’s mind.

As much as Bucky and Sam wanted him to go back, they knew he deserved it for everything you were put through. When Steve found that his friends weren’t on the same page as him, he spiraled deeper into regret and depression. There wasn’t much to be done in terms of world-saving, which is what he was made for. The person he thought was the love of his life is gone now. When the dust settled, he realized that you were the only thing that kept him going for so long. But now he lost you too, and there was nothing he could do get you back. 

While you were out living your new life, Steve was trying to find a life for himself. He would see you around the compound and wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of your love. What he would do to feel that again, he couldn’t explain to anyone. 

Your escapades were at an all-time high. You knew that single life is the life. Just when you finally concluded that all men were trash, Ransom came crashing into your life. Although he only reinforced this belief, this man wasn’t just any trash. He was your trash. 

He was the mutual of your friends and you seemed to never be able to escape him. Moreover, your friends decided that you wouldn’t escape him. 

The teasing and playful banter between you two turned into something more serious about a year after your break-up. Ransom was everything Steve wasn’t. 

Steve was a gentleman. Chivalrous. Gentle. 

Then you reminded yourself that he had proven to you that he wasn’t any of things anymore. Ransom was the exact opposite, but he wore it on his sleeve. After all the lies and cowardice, Ransom’s blunt and bold attitude was exactly what you needed. 

There were moments you found yourself comparing the nature of the two relationships. With Steve, a lot of it was gentle and soft with some roughness around the edges. Life alongside Ransom was nothing short of callous, but that’s why soft, vulnerable moments felt even more extraordinary and special. 

If you made a judgement based off first impressions, someone like Ransom seems to be more likely to cheat than someone like Steve Rogers. Upon deeper analyzation though, Ransom doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet. He doesn’t claim things easily, but when he does, he would go to any length to make sure what’s his, will stay his. Soon after you realized this, you began abandoning thoughts of comparing the two relationships. 

//

There was a party at the Tower for Sam’s birthday. It was the first time in a long time that you were going to be around Steve for longer than 10 minutes. Doubt began seeping through your determination; how well would you fare under the pressure of pretending to be okay around him? 

“Do we have to match, sugar?” Ransom whined from your bathroom. 

“Why would you even go to an event as a couple if you aren’t matching?” you hollered back. 

You heard Ransom grumble as the bathroom door swung open. The emerald green dress shirt with small gold polka dots complemented his eyes so perfectly. Ransom was about to complain again before seeing the look of awe on your face. He decided right then that he could suck it up for the night. 

You were wearing an emerald green cocktail dress with sheer black net covering your shoulders, your sleeves reaching your elbows. The material was different, but the print was the exact same as Ransom’s. He couldn’t help but wonder why you put so much effort into such little things. He made a mental note to do something like this for you another time before wrapping his arms around your frame, burying his face into your face.

“Ran! My hair!” you squealed as you tried to push him off. 

“Usually it’s me that takes this long to get ready. You trying to impress the Captain?” Ransom winked and sat on your bed. 

“Oh fuck off.” you rolled your eyes and added the big bow to your half up hair-do. 

“You look so innocent baby. How angelic would you look with my cum dripping out of your mouth?” he smirked as you dropped your mouth, looking at him through the mirror. 

“My god Ran, this is not the time.” You shook your head and pulled him with you, finally making your way to the party downstairs. 

You were breaking out into cold sweat for some reason. Part of you really wanted to show Steve how happy you were now, but you felt that it meant you weren’t truly over him. Were you making a mistake?

Right before you opened the door the common room where the party was ongoing, Ransom stopped you and looked right into your eyes. 

“You know, as much as I’d like to make your ex jealous, if you don’t want this, I could think of a lot of other ways to spend the night,” he winked and you blushed. This is exactly why you liked him so much. There was no pressure to be anything but yourself around him. Even if you told him you wanted to go back to your room, there would be no judgement on his behalf. He wouldn’t ever bring it up as a joke either, because he just knew what he could and couldn’t joke about. 

“Let’s do this, bubbles” you giggled. He groaned at the nickname and pulled you into his side with one arm, opening the door with the other. 

One of Ransom’s many talents was making an entrance and this event was no exception. As you walked through the entrance, Ransom kept his head high and pulled you along with him. His confidence began rubbing off you and within a few steps, you stopped slouching. Straightening you back and tossing your hair behind your back, you bathed in the glory of the looks you and Ransom were getting. He took you straight to the bar, smiled at you and ordered drinks. 

“You know, your ex was fuming in the corner,” he remarked as he sipped on his drink. 

“No!” you laughed incredulously, unable to imagine Steve begin angry over Ransom’s presence. 

“It’s true, look for yourself,” he calmly retorted. His eyes flicked to a corner of the room and you followed his gaze there. Steve looked away upon seeing you look at him but it was clear that he was flustered. Bucky stood beside him, entertaining a gaggle of girls, but Steve’s attention was clearly elsewhere. 

“He’s actually pretty hot in person, it’s making me jealous” Ransom nonchalantly mentioned. 

You threw your head back and laughed. Your doubts of whether this was a good idea were dissipating very quickly. 

Ransom chuckled and then looked at you intently. You looked back at him, the high of the laugh wearing off because of his intense stare. 

“I think I’m in love with you.” you blurted. 

“You know, I’m glad you said it because I did not want to say it first.” he snickered and you playfully punched him. 

“Ow! I’m just kidding, don’t go all Avengers-mode on me!” he fussed.

You pulled him into a tight hug. He peeled your head away from his chest to cup your face and give you a light kiss before whispering ‘I love you too.’ You started to tear up, thinking of all the pain you had to go through to get this moment of tranquility with your favourite person in the whole, wide world. 

He cooed and kissed your forehead. 

“I always got you.” he assured and pulled your head back into his chest. You smiled and broke away from the hug, sitting back on the bar stool. 

“I think you transferred your lipstick because you have a dark red lip mark on your forehead.” 

You groaned and frantically wiped your forehead. 

“Hey,” he caught your wrist. “Why don’t we go back up and fix that?” His eyes glinted in the dim lights and you giggled like a schoolgirl as he pushed through the crowd.

In that moment, and every moment after it, Steve was long forgotten. 

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[luci-in-trenchcoats]

15x20

Spoilers for Season 15x20 finale

Summary: This is a semi-rewrite of episode 15x20...

Pairing: Dean x reader (reader is treated more like an OC than a typical reader)

Word Count: 2,000ish

Warnings: language, major 15x20 spoilers

A/N: I wrote this for myself honestly. I know it is idealistic and was never going to happen. Again, I’m sharing simply if you’re interested but please feel free to ignore. This picks up from a very obvious point in the episode...

______

Dean POV

“Fuck,” said Dean, his hand over his chest. Something big was stabbing into his back. This felt wrong though. A dull, achy pain trickled up and down his spine and across his chest. His heart was racing up and slowing down when it wanted and Dean shut his eyes as he recognized the feeling in his bones.

He was dying. The kind of dying a doctor can’t fix.

“Jack!” shouted Sam, Dean peeling open his eyes as he realized Sam was besides him, hand covered in blood. A few seconds later Jack appeared in front of them eating a bar of nougat. “Jack fix him. Please.”

“He said he was hands off,” said Dean with a wince, his whole body shaking. Jack cocked his head and walked over, touching Dean’s forehead. The next thing he knew, Dean was sat on the ground and taking a deep breath, the pain gone as he looked up. “You said you were hands off.”

“You’re my dads. Why wouldn’t I help you?” he asked, a confused look on his face. Dean chuckled and nodded, still holding onto his chest. “You seem upset. I’ll pop you guys home.”

“Kid there’s-”

“Those boys are okay,” said Jack, snapping his fingers. Dean was suddenly sat on the steps up into the library, Jack mentioning something about taking some nougat from the pantry before he headed out. 

“You alright?” asked Sam. Dean shook his head and he took a seat. Dean rubbed the heel of his palm against his chest and shuddered. “Jack got there in time.”

“If he hadn’t-”

“Dean-”

“If he hadn’t...because it was bad, Sammy. If he hadn’t...I’m so proud of you and I love you, so fucking much. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby brother, a better best friend. You just gotta tell me something. When the time comes, you’ll be okay without me. Tell me Sam. Please.”

“I’ll be okay,” said Sam quietly. Dean nodded and moved his hand to his lap, Sam scooting closer. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“Let’s get a house. We can get a big yard for Miracle. Run an operation like Bobby did, do the occasional case. Let’s go live more,” said Sam. Dean paused but rubbed his chest again and smiled.

“Dibs on the master bedroom,” said Dean. Sam chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. This place is home but I wouldn’t mind an upgrade.”

Two Months Later

“Miracle!” called Dean when he ignored the ball Dean had just thrown across the yard and ran around the corner of the house. “Miracle!”

“I think your daddy’s looking for you,” Dean heard a voice giggle. He walked around the house and saw a woman knelt down and ruffling the dog. “You’re so cute. You’re so cute.”

“Yes, I am,” smirked Dean as the woman popped her head up. “So, how can I help you and why are you parked in my driveway?”

“I’m Y/N. Y/N-”

“I heard of you. Hunter out of Alaska right?” he asked as she nodded. “You work a lot of Canada cases.”

“I did,” she said with a shrug. “I was thinking of retiring down south. Wondering if you got any tips on how to adjust.”

“A dog helps,” he said and she smiled, Dean looking her up and down. “You do realize this is Austin, Texas right?”

“This is south to me,” she said. “I know Donna through a friend of a friend. She said it’d be cool if I came and talked to you?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” said Dean, Miracle running over to the ball and rushing back with it. He nudged Dean’s hand and Y/N smiled. “You mind chatting while we do some fetch?”

“Not at all, Winchester.”

“Kinda funny how Eileen and Y/N know each other,” said Sam, Dean looking out the back window to where the girls and Miracle were sat on the back deck after dinner drinking a beer. Dean hummed and dried a plate, Sam nudging his arm. “You like her, don’t you.”

“You like her.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah, I like her. What’s the big deal?”

“Oh, I don’t know. A gorgeous, former hunter with your kind of humor, love for pie, muscle cars and classic rock that’s single just happens to have stuck around long after she got done talking to you.”

“I invited her to dinner.”

“She understands the life Dean. All the shit we carry. You’ve never tried with a hunter. Give her a chance.”

“Tried what?” said Dean, putting the plate in the cupboard. 

“You can have a relationship Dean. I’m pretty sure she likes you too,” said Sam.

“Hello, Dean,” said Castiel, both guys jumping as they spun around. They stared at the angel as Cas looked around. “I enjoy your home. The air is fragrant.”

“It’s a candle,” said Sam, pointing to the flickering light on the countertop. He blew it out and Dean walked around the island, shaking his head. 

“Where the fuck have you been?” said Dean, giving Cas a hug. Sam joined them and Castiel shrugged.

“Rebuilding heaven is labor intensive process,” said Cas before turning to Dean. “I felt you would be coming there soon a few months ago.”

“Why didn’t you pop down when you knew he was dying?” asked Sam.

“You are humans,” said Cas with a pout. “You will die someday. It’s an inevitable fact. Time is very strange in heaven in its relation to earth. I assumed you were an old man.”

“No, not old,” said Dean.

“Would you two like for me to prevent your deaths until a certain age?” asked Cas. 

“No,” they both said, Dean smiling. 

“But if we ask for help, you will help?” asked Dean.

“Always,” said Castiel. He tilted his head and looked out the back window. “Who is the woman with Eileen?”

“Y/N. Hunter from the Yukon area. Dean has a crush,” said Sam. He smirked when Dean whacked his arm, Cas still cocking his head. “You know her?”

“She’s quite drawn to Dean. Metaphysically speaking.”

“Yes cause whatever you just said was very clear. Like I’m five Cas,” said Dean. Cas sighed and pursed his lips.

“Jack has given me some extra power to help assist him better. I can see more of a person now,” said Cas. “Their energy, soul, things of that nature.”

“Okay...so what does that mean?” asked Dean.

“Oh your souls are quite intertwined. She’s your soulmate,” said Cas.

“Really?” said Dean, allowing a brief smile to cross his face.

“She also has a growing inoperable mass in her head that will kill her in the next few years. She suffers from headaches quite frequently,” said Cas. Dean sat down at the counter and stared out the back door, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Why can’t I be happy?” he breathed out. “For a fucking minute I can’t even be happy before the rug gets pulled out.”

“...Did you not want me to heal her?” asked Cas. Dean rolled his eyes and Cas’ glowed blue for a moment. “She’s fine now. You seem...emotional.”

“Well I am Cas,” said Dean. 

“You’ve been off since that hunt and the barn,” said Sam.

“Sam I shouldn’t be alive,” said Dean. “I got lucky.”

“You have sacrificed your entire life for others, Dean,” said Cas, Sam taking a seat next to Dean. “You should take advantage of your powerful friends. Let others care for you now. I will speak to Jack about the remaining monsters and their relocation to somewhere better suited for them, perhaps a new world.”

“Everything alright?” asked Y/N, slipping in through the back door with an empty beer bottle. 

“Yeah, we’re all good,” said Sam.

“Liar,” she said, smiling at Dean. “I’ll be right back.”

She excused herself to the bathroom, Sam and Cas going outside. Dean got another set of beers out just in time for Y/N to return. 

“Can I ask you a question?” she said.

“Shoot,” said Dean, handing her the drink.

“Your friend, the angel, did he just heal me? I’ve had constant headaches for awhile now. Brain tumor. I feel different. You guys wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that would you?”

“You deserve to enjoy your retirement,” he said. “A very long retirement. You’re fine now.”

“I won’t be mad about that,” she said, leaning against the counter by him. She took a long sip and smiled. “I like you, Dean.”

“I like you,” he said.

“I’m gonna stick around town for a bit, see if things work out,” she said. He nodded and smiled, watching her smirk. “So there’s really no more monsters?”

“Uh, what?”

“I overheard Castiel when I walked in. Guess we’re really out of jobs now,” you said.

“I got an offer for a construction manager,” he said. 

“You gonna take it?” she asked.

“I think so. What do you think?” he asked.

“I think it’s a great idea,” she said. “Gotta keep busy somehow.”

“What’s your retirement look like?” he asked. She shrugged and smiled. “Now that death isn’t imminent.”

“Maybe I’ll find a guy, try the domestic thing,” she said, a soft smile staying on her lips. “Know anyone who might be interested?”

“I’m sure I can think of someone, sweetheart.”

One Year Later

“So what do you think?” asked Sam as he spun around in his suit in the family room.

“What do we think junior?” asked Dean, the baby on his lap clapping his hands. “He says dad’s gonna score tonight.”

“I fear for you teaching my son things when he’s a teenager,” chuckled Sam.

“That’s what Uncles are for,” said Dean as Y/N got up from the couch and started fixing Sam’s tie.

“And what Aunt’s are for to rein them in,” she said, smoothing it out. 

“Thank you,” said Sam. “Hey, when you two gonna have a kid?”

“Who says we aren’t?” smirked Dean. Sam went wide eyed and she rolled hers.

“We’re trying just recently. You will literally be the first to know once we do,” she said. She winked and Sam narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between them then down to her stomach. 

“You’re so pregnant.”

“Ugh, we were gonna surprise you guys. Let us surprise, Eileen at least,” she said.

“You guys are pregnant!” said Eileen from over the balcony upstairs. Y/N laughed and headed up, Sam taking a seat next to Dean and plucking his son into his arms.

“You’re gonna be a real good dad. You got a lot of practice,” said Sam. Dean shrugged and Sam gave him a side hug. “I’m really happy he gets to know his Uncle, Dean. You’re gonna do great.”

“I’m really happy I get to be here too,” said Dean. He sat back and shut his eyes. “I owe you one.”

“For what?”

“The barn. I thought Jack wouldn’t come. I didn’t even bother. I thought that was gonna be it,” said Dean. “I didn’t want to go yet.”

“You don’t owe me for that,” said Sam, handing the baby back when he heard feet on the stairs. “Be good for Uncle Dean, baby boy.”

“Go have fun on your date, Sammy,” said Dean.

“You have fun on your stay at home date,” chuckled Sam. “See ya later, De.”

“Later, Sammy.”

_________

[jonsa101]

Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson: The Well-Meaning, Incredibly Self-Centered Leading Men We’ve Grown to Love.

Hey fam! Like I said, I’ve been writing a ton of meta lately and this is another one that’s just been sitting in my drafts. It’s basically a This Is Us and a New Amsterdam meta which is something I haven’t done before but something I want do more of. In my Game of Thrones days I used to write a lot of meta about shows and characters that had similarities so this is fun for me. I hope y’all enjoy this. ALSO THIS HAS SPOILERS FOR BOTH SHOWS!!!!!!!

Without a doubt the two most popular shows on NBC is This is Us and New Amsterdam. And what’s not to love? They’re both emotionally driven, heartfelt, shows that focus on incredibly deep and complex topics. Though one show focuses on family dynamics and the other focuses on the healthcare system, these shows are very similar in more ways than one. Case in point, Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson. The more I watch these two shows, the more I realize how these two characters are so alike!!! These two men are kind-hearted, well intentioned, individuals who genuinely want to make some sort of positive difference. They are incredibly ambitious and always have “bright ideas” and “goals” they want to accomplish and somehow they’re able to meet those goals without ever having to sacrifice their wants and needs. By every definition these men are the “main characters” or the ultimate “protagonists.” These are the folks that we are supposed to root for. At the same time, though these men have many traits to be admired, when you truly look at it both of them can be incredibly self centered and selfish especially when it pertains to their romantic partners and love interests. No matter how appealing you make these characters out to be these men clearly fall under the Behind Every Great Man trope.

The Behind Every Great Man trope has been used countless of times throughout Cinema and TV History that I’m sure that I don’t even have to explain it to you but for the sake of this meta this is how it’s defined.

“Behind Every Great Man...stands an even greater woman! Or in about a hundred variations is a Stock Phrase referring to how people rarely achieve greatness without support structures that go generally unappreciated, and said support structure is a traditionally female role via being the wife, mother, or sometimes another relation. This trope is specifically about a man who is credited with something important, but owes much of his success to the woman in his life.”

This trope usually has a negative connotation (and rightfully so) because the man who often benefits from this is an asshole and unworthy of this type of support!

For example:

Oliva and Fitz

Cristina Yang and Burke

Cookie and Lucious

Ghost and Tasha

There are countless others but these are a few of the couples that come to mind for me. Randall and Max aren’t comparable to any of these men that are listed above but they are still operating under the same trope. It just looks nicer because Max and Randall are inherently good and inspirational. They are the heroes of the story. I would even argue and say that both men fall under the Chronic Hero Syndrome trope which is defined as

“Chronic Hero Syndrome is an "affliction" of cleaner heroes where for them, every wrong within earshot must be righted, and everyone in need must be helped, preferably by Our Hero themself. While certainly admirable, this may have a few negative side-effects on the hero and those around them. Such heroes could wear themselves out in their attempts to help everyone or become distraught and blame themselves for the one time that they're unable to save the day. Spending so much time and effort saving everyone else can also put a strain on the hero's personal or dating life.”

Just because Max and Randall have these incredibly inspiring aspirations, is it fair that their wives and love interests are always expected to rise to the occasion and support them. Is it ok for their partners to continuously sacrifice their wants and needs because they love these men? 

Let’s dive into it. 

Truth be told, Beth Pearson, Helen Sharpe and Georgia Goodwin had to endure a GREAT DEAL to emotionally support the dreams and aspirations of these men while sacrificing so much of themselves in the process. In media we often see women sacrificing so much of their wants and needs out of love for these male leads and rarely do men do the same thing for their romantic partners and love interests. All three of these women clearly fall under the Act of True Love trope defined as

“The Act of True Love proves beyond doubt that you are ready to put your loved one's interests before your own, that you are truly loyal and devoted to them. Usually this involves a sacrifice on your part, at the very least a considerable effort and/or a great risk. The action must be motivated, not by morals or principle or expectation of future reward, but by sheer personal affection.When your beloved is in dire need of your help, or in great danger, and you do something, at great expense to yourself, for the sake of their safety, their welfare, or their happiness, thus proving beyond any doubt that you put their interest ahead of yours.”

Over the past few seasons we have seen all three of these women truly live up to this trope without any true consequences or accountability from the men they’re making all these sacrifices for. For example, in Beth and Randall’s marriage, how many times did Randall spring an idea on Beth without truly talking to her or considering her wants first? Everyone thinks these two are an ideal couple but she has endured A LOT for Randall.

Randall has spontaneously quit his job, moved his dying biological dad into their home, bought his biological dad’s old apartment building, fostered and adopted a child and also ran for city councilman outside of his district. In all of these decisions, Randall “consulted” Beth about it but at the same time didn’t really consult her. In a way there has always been this expectation of Beth to just go along for the ride with what Randall wants. Is anyone else exhausted from reading that list?! That’s a lot for partner to endure and lovingly support. But Beth has endured and has been Randall’s rock through it all!!! What worries me is that the one time Beth spoke out about her wants and needs of pursuing dance again, he couldn’t match the same energy she was giving him and eventually it led to world war three between them. Though things are looking up in their relationship  and he’s starting to support her more, has Randall nearly given to Beth as much as she’s given to him? Absolutely not!

Similar to Randall, Max also had a wife who was a dancer. in fact, she was a prima ballerina. Unlike Randall and Beth, Max relationship with Georgia was rocky from the start. When we were first introduced to them Max and Georgia were separated and rightfully so. Georgia was never Max’s first priority. The hospital always came first in their relationship. He couldn’t even dedicate a full night to her for their proposal. In order to “save” their marriage they decide to have a baby and they both committed to taking a step back in their careers in order to do so. The problem was Max didn’t keep his side of their commitment and took a job to become the medical director at the biggest public hospital in the U.S. She gave up her career to start a family and he totally and completely betrayed her trust. So throughout season one we see them trying to rebuild their marriage but even in the midst of trying to rebuild a marriage based on trust and mutual respect Max still keeps things from Georgia. For several episodes he didn’t tell her that he had advance stages of throat cancer. He only told her when Georgia asked him to move back home. That’s fucked up! Then throughout their pregnancy he was never fully there for Georgia because he was either to preoccupied with the hospital or himself. At the end of it all, Georgia died tragically at the beginning of season two and really had nothing to show for it in her relationship with Max other than her daughter Luna.

Now let’s bring Helen Sharpe into the fold. While all of this stuff was going on with Max and his wife in season one, Max was developing a deep friendship, borderline emotional affair with Helen. Their relationship started out with Helen being his oncologist. As the new Medical Director of New Amsterdam, he swore Helen to secrecy about his diagnosis so that he could still run the hospital. Through that secrecy they eventually formed a deep bond but as his cancer got worse his secret was let out of the bag. He realistically needed someone to step up and run the hospital when he was going through chemo and though Helen already had commitments she stepped up and became his deputy medical director. Somewhere along the lines Max and Helen started developing feelings for each other. As Helen becomes aware of those feelings, she made a choice and decides to remove herself as Max’s doctor. He BITCHES about it but eventually accepts the boundary she’s clearly trying to set. Mind you, as this is unfolding, like Max, Helen is also in a new relationship with her boyfriend Panthaki. As Max’s cancer seems to be getting worse with his new doctor, she goes back on her boundary and decides to be his doctor again. This pisses her boyfriend off because he could already peep the vibe between them and he breaks up with her. When we get into season two, Max’s wife died and Helen set him up in a clinical trail (with a doctor she previously fired) that’s helping his cancer.  Unbeknownst to Max, this doctor ends up holding his life saving treatment plan over Helen’s head and in order for his treatment to continue she gives this doctor half of her department!

Helen has sacrificed a lot for Max and now in season three she’s finally prioritizing her current wants and needs first! Like Randall, Max is starting to turn a page and is starting to support Helen and truly listen to the wants and needs that she has. All of this is good but my question is did any of these women have to sacrifice so much for the men in their lives to get a clue?

Why is it that this is a trope we see in media time and time and time again? Even if these men are good, why don’t we still keep these male characters accountable when they put their significant others in these situations that are clearly not fair? I’ve watched countless tv shows and I’ve seen a lot of tv couples but I think I have only come across one couple where the male counterpart has selflessly loved his significant other and has always put her needs above his own. 

That character my friend is none other than PACEY WITTER

I might be mistaken but I think Joey and Pacey are the most popular ship in tv history and honestly, rightfully so! This is only example I can think of where the male in the relationship so willingly puts the wants and needs of his partner first. It is a completely selfless and sacrificial love. He never wants to hold her back and he never asks her to compromise her wants or needs for him. That’s why I think so many women love Pacey because in a sea of TV relationships, Pacey Witter is a fucking unicorn.

So to wrap this up does this mean that I hate Randall Pearson or Max Goodwin? No! I adore them. I love both of their characters so much. I just think that when we see the media continuously play out the sacrificial wife/love interest for the sake of their male counterparts, it should be called out. I’m all about sacrificial and selfless love but it should come from both sides.❤️❤️❤️

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy this! As always my DMs are opening here or on Twitter @oyindaodewale

[one-boring-person]

You forced this upon yourself😂 you forced this rambo simp.(and i dont mind)

Okay this may not be as good! But! Im giving you the liberty to take it where you want!(because i love your little details and how you express the feeling in your writing i- AH! Its great. I cant say it enough, it’s great. I mean it.)

How about Rambo finally getting enough courage to show The rancher around the tunnels, in a date sort of way!(they don’t know thats actually where he lives. Aka that photo i showed you before.) i really saw how the rancher was so happy to have him at their house, I’d love to see rambos side of scheduling a house tour and date type deal!! Maybe him even sitting and showing the rancher through all his old photos, and them just in awe because wow. He’s so much cooler than they even thought! He just so nervous and surprised seeing them so interested in him after all this time alone, and them just- in awe of him.

( i also really think it would be funny seeing rambo go through his friends house and seeing-“why the hell you have so many plants???” And just. Adorable assassin living with a wholesome and loving hardworking s/o)

Ah! Im sorry if that’s not as good!! But hey, you feel free to describe their antics and relationship as you will!!

I think I may have run a bit with this, but I hope you like it regardless!😊💛

I've Got Your Back, You've Got Mine.

John Rambo (Rambo IV/V) x reader

Warnings: mention of death, mention of war, mention of injury, mention of PTSD, mention of violence, (possible flash warning for gif?)

Masterlist

The heavy knock on the door surprises me where I'm sitting, the sharp sound snapping me from my thoughts. Looking over at it from my position at the table, I frown and set down my spoon, standing to go answer, unsure of who it is: I'm not expecting anyone today. Colt looks up from his place on the floor, the dog just as curious as I am as to whom it may be, though he doesn't bark, so it must be someone we know. He watches me as I cross the room, going straight to the door.

Opening it, I'm somewhat surprised to see my neighbour, John, standing there, a tentative smile on his face as he looks me over appreciatively, his gaze drawing a blush to my face. 

"Mornin' (Y/n)." He greets, rough voice friendly as he waits for me to let him in.

"Morning John." I smile back, delighted to see him, "What can I do for you?"

I step back, waiting for him to enter, which he does so with a nod of thanks.

"Since when have I needed a reason to see you?" The veteran chuckles, the sound reverberating within me, my brain subconsciously storing the action away for later recall. Gently, John moves into my space, one hand coming to lightly rest on my hips as the other cups my face, drawing me in for a slow kiss. 

Kissing back, I feel a glow of happiness flare up in me at this contact: he's never really one to initiate touch like this, so it's a whole lot more intimate when he does. Relaxed, I loosely wrap my arms around his neck, languidly caressing his dark hair as our lips move together. 

Being the killjoy he often loves to be, Colt pushes in between us, nosing at John's leg, tail wagging enthusiastically as he recognises the familiar man, the dog as fond of his company as I am. Chuckling, John and I pull apart, looking down at the large canine between us, the dark eyes staring up at us imploring us to pay attention to him. Still smiling, John lowers a hand to scratch Colt's head, ruffling his floppy ears a little as the dog instantly allows his mouth to hang open, tongue lolling in content.

"Hey, Colt." The veteran greets, biting back a laugh as the dog pushes me out of the way, nudging at John's stomach.

"He never gets that excited to see me." I complain jokingly, standing back to watch the two interact, a smile playing at my lips.

"Sure he does." John replies, eyes fixing on mine with an expression of fondness, one that had me weak at the knees.

"He really doesn't, he just sits in the corner and whines at me until I feed him. Isn't that right?" I address the dog himself, giving him a light slap on the rear, his ridiculous height meaning I can quite easily reach it, "Anyhow, did you need something? Or did you just come here to kiss me? I can't say I'll complain if that's the case."

Cheekily, I wink at the veteran, leaning back against a nearby counter.

"As nice as that sounds, it's not the reason I came by." He chuckles, blushing lightly, "Though that does sound good."

Grinning, I nod my agreement, only now taking in his body language: he's nervous. His hands fidget, rubbing his fingers over scars and lines on his palms, and he shifts from foot to foot every now and then, small tells he's never quite managed to hide from me.

"Is something up?" I ask him, slightly more serious this time, unnerved by his discomfort.

"No, no, not at all. I, err, well, I just wanted to ask you something." He rubs the back of his neck, head tilted to the side as he regards me, dark eyes fixed on mine.

"Ok, go for it." I prompt him, curiosity sparking my interest.

"Well, do you wanna come to mine? I mean properly, like in the house." John cocks his head to the side, lowering his arm again.

Blinking, I feel shock flood my system, before it turns to unbelievable happiness that he's trusting me enough to come into his private space. Initially, I can't find the right words, somehow struggling to respond, until I find my tongue again.

"I would love to, John." I agree, features lighting up as my mood brightens, "There's nothing I've really got to do today except train up one of the younger horses, so I've got as long as you want after that."

"Great. Is four o'clock alright?" The veteran smiles broadly, though he still looks somewhat nervous.

"Yeah, should be. I'll be there." I promise him, taking up my Stetson from the table as I briefly turn away to put away the plate I was using, having lost my appetite in my sudden excitement.

"I'll get it tidy." He says, looking around the room again, "I'll never understand why you have so many plants in your house. It's like a damn jungle."

At his comment, I laugh loudly, glancing around at the variety of different houseplants I have placed on various shelves, the greenery practically covering every available surface. 

"Because it's way too dry to grow anything like this outside all the time. Anyway, they look nice." I shrug, calling Colt to my side as I follow John from the house, grabbing my jacket from the hook as I pass.

"But why so many?" 

Once again, I shrug, following him over to a nearby post, where he's hitched Bandit, the horse I gave him a few months ago. The buckskin stallion paws at the ground, his pale coat looking as clean as ever even as he noses at the dust, the dark colouring around his eyes (the reason for his name) and legs standing out much more in the bright sun. As we approach, he looks up, snorting in greeting.

"He's looking good." I acknowledge, admiring the strong stallion appreciatively - I had reared Bandit from a foal, before I had given him to the veteran as a gift four months ago, hoping it will help him to grow his own ranch. My plan had worked, and John now has four horses, including Bandit, as well as a couple of other animals, such as a cow, a pig and five chickens. I'd sold him a couple of goats as well, but we soon found out that John and goats just didn't get along. At all.

"Yeah, he's doing well, too. Takes the training very well, too." John runs a hand through the stallion's dark mane, untying the reins.

"That's good. Reckon he'll be ready for a competition soon?" 

"Should be." 

Snorting again, Bandit pulls at the reins, clearly eager to get going, especially as Colt moves up to sniff at the horse's back legs. I quickly whistle him over, knowing Bandit has always been shifty around the dog.

"I'll see you at four then." I finally say, unwilling to say goodbye, even if it is only for a few hours.

"Yeah, see you then." John smiles, leaning in to kiss me again, keeping it brief this time, leaving me wishing for more, as he always does.

"See ya." I grin, watching him climb into the saddle, still somehow fluid in doing so despite his age. 

Gathering the reins in hand, John adjusts himself in the saddle, before he smiles down at me again as he gently urges Bandit into motion. Obediently, the stallion moves into a swift trot, which turns into a faster canter as the two move off down the driveway, heading towards the split in the fence separating our land. I watch as they go, still finding myself enraptured by the sight of the muscular man sat astride the horse, Colt eventually snapping me from my mind as he barks at me. Shaking my head, I follow him towards the stable.

Hours later, having showered and cleaned up, I feel a sense of relief go through me as I hoist myself into the saddle secured into place on Leo's back. It's relaxing, the stallion beneath me more relaxed than the youngster I've been trying to train all day: she never gave me a break. Seemingly sensing this, as he always does, Leo flicks his ears back and nickers softly, very lightly pawing the ground as I give him a pat on the neck, glad to have a more reliable horse taking me where I need to be.

Tilting back my Stetson, I take the reins in hand and ease the stallion into a trot, intending to let him pick up his own pace, my trust in this horse far greater than in the mare from before. Obediently, Leo moves into the correct gait, the two of us moving as if as one, years of riding together having made it easy for us to become in tune with each other. Together, we start off down the road towards John's ranch, the new path we've created beaten and well-used, allowing for relatively easy riding. Leo's hooves pound the dry ground rhythmically, my hips moving in time with his every stride, the relaxing movement helping to calm the nerves that have sprung up inside me.

A part of me is still unconvinced about going into John's home. Yes, I had helped him rebuild it and had seen very little of the inside rooms, but it still feels as if I'm intruding upon the veteran's safe space, his reprieve from the cruelty of the world he lives in. Something about that doesn't sit right with me, but I tell myself it's John's decision to make, not mine, so I should trust him, which I do, wholeheartedly. 

I'm still torn by the time I reach the main house, where John is already sat waiting for me in his rocking chair, dark eyes fixed on me as I approach. Lifting a hand to him, I smile and slow Leo to a halt, praising the horse as I climb down, the gray stallion nosing affectionately at me. Swiftly, I tie him to a nearby post, only to stop when John calls out to me.

"Put him in the stable for the night." He instructs me, gesturing for me to follow him as I try to fight back the sudden onslaught of racing thoughts at his implications: he wants me to stay the night?

"Sure, thanks." I smile back at him, walking after him with Leo in tow.

"Don't worry about it. It's not fair on him if he has to stay out all night." John waves me off with a short grin, "How'd training go?"

I groan.

"Not great. That horse has it in for me, I swear." I complain, rubbing at my arm, remembering the moment I got the new bruise forming there.

"Oh yeah?" He muses, looking amused.

"Yeah. She threw me off eight times!"

"Eight times? Wow, must be a new record." The veteran jokes, something that stirs up the familiar fondness inside me at his more personable behaviour.

"I reckon so. Painful one to set, though, I'll tell you." I remark, smiling broadly as we enter the stable, where I quickly house Leo next to Bandit, removing his tack and other gear.

"Must be." John watches me work, leaning against the door to the large building, muscular arms crossed over an equally muscular chest. Turning back to him, I have to stop and admire the bulging of his biceps as his hands grip his forearms, the veins I've come to love laying out a pattern on the tanned limbs. Everytime I see them, I imagine his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me safe and secure against his solid body, wishing I could feel his hands splayed against me more often.

"Like what you see?" John interrupts my thoughts, voice teasing as he lifts an eyebrow at me, almost smirking at me.

Blushing furiously, I avert my gaze, lifting a hand to gently tap the brim of my Stetson out of my vision.

"You know I do." I laugh nervously, before I look back up at him, "Anyway, since when do you use pickup lines?"

"Since I figured out they get you all flustered." His playful tone is new to me, though it's gone almost as soon as I see it, his guarded expression falling back into place as he returns within himself, probably thinking he overstepped some invisible boundary.

I still can't help stammering for a response, his gruff tone awakening something within me.

"Heh, I guess you're right." I stutter, going over to him.

Nodding, he keeps his expression straight, leading me out back to the house, where he quickly welcomes me inside.

"I tried to tidy it as much as possible, but it's still a bit messy." The veteran apologises, observing the interior of his home critically, even as I do so in awe.

The rooms, from what I can see, are mostly filled with sparse furniture, a few chairs here and there, an old sofa, a couple of vanities and dressers, with a mantlepiece in most, if not all, of them. He hasn't used much colour, but what he has used is tasteful and works well with the overall appearance. The walls, however, are what really draw me into the place.

They are littered with photographs and memorabilia, frames and objects cleaned and polished so they shine brightly in the afternoon sun, many smiling faces visible in them. Curious, I go over to one wall, looking over the array of pictures, which I now recognise to be images of John and his friends from the years he spent here. Amongst them is a creased black and white photo of a young John sat astride a horse not unlike Bandit, a broad grin on the boy's face as he stares at the camera from under a mop of thick black hair. I can feel a small smile creep onto my face at the sight of the veteran looking so happy and carefree, something I've not seen very much of at all in my time around him.

"That was my first horse, Hector. I had him until I left for the army." John says from behind me, sounding somewhat quiet, eyes softened from nostalgia as he stares at the picture along with me, "I loved him a lot, but my father always said he wasn't good enough."

His words hang in the air as I stay speechless, listening intently to what he's saying to me: it's the first I'm hearing about his life before he came here again.

"What happened to him? Hector, I mean." I ask him quietly, tearing my eyes away to look up at John.

The veteran shrugs, appearing somewhat remorseful.

"I'll never know, but I reckon my father sold him as soon as I was gone."

"Oh." I frown, glancing back at the photograph.

"The horse was getting old by that time, though. He probably wasn't much use." John chuckles wryly, moving away towards the stairs nearby, "Do you want to see upstairs?"

"Yeah, sure." I nod, following him as he ascends to the second floor, which I now see consists of three different rooms.

He takes me to the farthest, opening the door to reveal an old study, which looks as if it hasn't been used in a good few years.

"This was my father's study, where he did all his business. I was never allowed in here as a kid." John sweeps his arm around the room, staying by the threshold, as if abiding by a rule that no longer exists, "Not that I go in here that much as an adult."

I look around, finding the neat area interesting: images of a young John hovering by the door, waiting for his father to finish business entering my head.

"It's nice, I like it." I remark, turning to find him smiling very slightly at me.

"It's the only room in the house that's exactly as it used to be. I haven't had time to do up the others properly." John says, leaving the study and going back down the hall, where he opens the other two doors to reveal a bathroom and an empty room.

A dull curiosity flares up within me as I realise one thing about the top floor, but I easily find a solution to it, following John back down the stairs. As we go, however, I realise that my assumption is wrong, as the only other rooms down here are missing the one thing I'd expect in any house.

"Where do you sleep? I haven't seen a bed or anything anywhere." I ask him, cocking my head to the side as he takes me to one final door.

"I'm gonna show you." He smiles at me, before he opens the door.

I blink as I see the dark steps descending into the ground, unease biting at my throat as I flash John a hesitant look. A cool draft wafts up from the black depth, but John only chuckles and moves down into the space below, gesturing for me to follow.

"It's perfectly safe, don't worry." He calls to me, a light flickering on as he reaches the bottom of the steps, illuminating the path to me.

Swallowing, I gingerly step down the stairs, emerging into a tunnel of sorts, my curiosity piqued as I take in the chiselled walls around me, the rock cast in an odd light from the naked bulbs positioned along the length of the cavern. Struts of wood hold the ceiling steady, wiring hanging off of them in places where he's had to hastily put it all together. John watches as I take in the passage, a thoughtful look in place on his face.

"What is this place?" I wonder aloud, still taken aback by the oddity of having a tunnel beneath the house that stretches off in both directions.

"This is my safe space." The veteran informs me, urging me along with him as we go further into the tunnel, walking together for a minute before we emerge out into a larger room of sorts, which is well lit. 

My eyes widen as I realise exactly what he means.

The room acts as his bedroom and bathroom, and also has space to sit and relax, the whole area having a homely feel to it. What was missing in the rooms in the house can be found down here, including more photographs, though these ones seem different to the others. They adorn the walls, all except one, which is decorated with a variety of weapons, both guns and knives. Going over to it, I look over the rifles and shotguns hooked onto the wall, struck speechless as I then turn my attention to a machete, the blade honed but chipped from use, seemingly out of place as it hangs beside another, smaller hunting knife. 

Moving on, I regard the photographs, only now realising that they're military pictures, many of them containing images of a youthful John in fatigues and uniform. A smile creeps back onto my lips as I feel my eyes land on a particular image of a group of men, where I can see John standing amongst them, a triumphant grin on his face, long locks of dark hair held back by a strip of fabric around his head. The others also smile, though there's something bittersweet about the inscription at the corner of the photo: Baker Team, Vietnam. As I look past the other pictures, I notice that the team slowly dwindles, beaming faces becoming drawn and solemn, eventually just leaving two people behind. Beneath this image is another inscription: Baker Team Survivors.

"That was my team in 'Nam." John says suddenly, voice husky as he remembers the friends he had, "None of them made it back. Not really."

Eyes wide, I look back at him, taking in the distant look in his own eyes, the barely concealed grief still raw in his expression as he stares at the photographs. Noticing my gaze, John gestures for me to come sit on the edge of his bed with him, the veteran pulling another photograph from it's place on his bedside table. Doing so, I make sure I'm not touching him, but am close enough to reassure him, waiting patiently for him to start talking of his own accord, knowing that this is a sensitive subject for him.

After a moment, he starts, his voice low as he pulls me into his stories, taking me through suffocating jungles and blistering heats, through recon and rescue missions, through bloody gunfights and hellfire,  through hours spent in torturous situations. He puts me in his shoes as he loses every single member of his team to the gruesome fight he should never have fought, the harrowing grief and pain of letting go of a comrade, someone who's supposed to be by your side for as long as the two of you can stay alive, laid bare for me to see and experience. And even as he moves on, back to familiar territory in the States, the fight never leaves him.

Facing harassment in what should be his safety and security, I can feel every bit of betrayal, of anger and grief that he felt as he is let down by his own country time after time, used again and again by the authorities to do their dirty work, only to be cast aside when it doesn't go their way, the old catchphrase he once lived by, "I've got your back, you've got mine" completely meaningless in this hollow life. His disgust in humanity is plain to me as he outlines his most recent forays into warfare, where the rage he felt is once again transferred to me, and I experience the violent need to take out the parasites in the world that destroy anything good that he did. It's as if I'm there with him, through everything, his description and memories so vivid they chill me to the core, keeping me hooked on his every word.

After a long while, he eventually trails off, and I realise there's a tear rolling down his cheek, his body shaking a little as he holds himself back. My heart breaking, I have to fight the urge to reach out and pull him into an embrace, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. I place my hand on his shoulder instead, rubbing the tight muscles soothingly until he looks up at me with the most heart-rending gaze I've ever seen in my life. At that point, my resolve breaks.

Carefully, I lean in and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling the veteran towards me. He goes willingly, sobs wracking his body as he wraps his own hands around me, burying his face into my neck, tears flowing freely now as he lets himself go, each pained sound agonising to hear. Tightening my grip, I lay back onto the bed, allowing him to press his body around me, holding me against his muscular form as I rub his back, whispering soothing things to him as his breathing starts to calm a little. It takes time, but eventually he starts to relax, body going limp as he lays in my arms, his larger form awkwardly wrapped around mine as he depresses his face into the crook of my neck.

I barely hear his broken voice as he whispers to me.

"Thank you." 

Breathing in his familiar scent, I just mould myself closer, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead as he does the same to my neck.

"I'm here for you, John. I'm here, and I'll never leave. Not as long as I live, I promise."