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viviennevermillion · 2 years

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wide awake

notes: sorry i haven't posted any writing in a while, chapter 7 part 2 hit me like a burning truck full of chemicals racing at 200km/h towards an elementary school.

word count: 9,2k words

about this work: this was inspired by katy perry's "wide awake" as a contrast to malleus' humming of "once upon a dream." set during and after chapter 7. i don't know how this chapter is going to proceed so i'm going out on a limb here but yeah

synopsis: you woke up to the world crashing down on you, realizing what malleus had done. he had wanted you to be happy forever in a dream...when all along your dream had been him...will you ever forgive him?

contains: malleus draconia x (gn)fae!reader, angst to fluff, fighting and making up

warnings: angst. lots of angst. also chapter 7 spoilers. themes of loss

dark content creators & consumers dni

...thunder rumbling, castles crumbling; i am trying to hold on. god knows that i tried seeing the bright side; i'm not blind anymore....falling from cloud nine...

Falling in love with a crown prince had never been on your list of predictions for your school years at Night Raven College. If you were to be honest, you had been surprised that there were even other fairies attending the school. For most of your life, it had always just been you. The people came and passed you by and as the years went on; you’d gotten used to it. People came into your life and they never stayed for long. That didn’t make their bonds with you any less meaningful. In a way, they lived on through you. Through your memories and the stories you told of them to younger generations. And it always made you smile to see how people listened with awe about the ones you held dear in the past and learnt to love the same things about them as you did.

With each bond you had, you grew and learnt and as long as you did, nothing was truly ever lost. The world around you changed as you helped it grow as best as you could while you stayed roughly the same. But Malleus Draconia had changed you. When he came into your life, you knew not soon after that your world wouldn’t be the same again.

You remembered the day you had met him for the first time. Not long after the entrance ceremony, you had used the lively dinner party held to welcome the new students, to slip away and explore the area on your own; running into the dorm leader of Diasomnia in the process. You almost chuckled at the memory. You had worried about getting in trouble on your first night at Night Raven College; being caught outside past curfew by a dorm leader. But you soon came to realize that Malleus wasn’t supposed to be there either and that your new acquaintance had a habit of sneaking out without his retainers as well.

You remembered how odd Malleus had appeared to you that night. Unlike everyone else, he wasn’t wearing his ceremonial robes and he didn’t even seem to know that the ceremony was today even though he was a dorm leader. Fireflies were dancing around him and he seemed pleased that you were ready to strike up conversation with him but equally as troubled, for he feared you might not keep his late night strolls around the campus and to the village at the foot of the hill to yourself. You had chuckled.

“Alright, here’s the deal”, you smirked at him, “I’ll keep your little secret to myself…if you take me with you. Maybe you could show me around…I think that could be fun.”

He had looked shocked back then but knowing him as well as you did now, you could imagine just how bewildered he was that you had just met him and were ready to hang out with him just like that.

“Very well then”, he laughed with a cheerful expression on his face, mumbling something about how you knew no fear. You did now.

“So, is this a habit of yours too?”, he had asked, eager to get to know you.

“They haven’t built a place that can contain me yet”, you had joked, which made Malleus laugh once more. Slowly but steady you had brought fresh wind into his life. For a fae, you didn’t seem like time had left you behind. Rather than that, you were always in motion, changing and growing along with the world. In a way, that made him envy you as much as he did admire you. Through it all, watching you, Malleus felt like a mountain carved into the landscape of the world; strong and unwavering but looking down from his pedestal at the lively ways of the humans and feeling unnoticed and uninvited. Where he seemed to hardly notice the passage of time on some days and dreaded the inevitable that was waiting for him in the future, you seemed grateful for every day; finding wonder in all that was fleeting, carrying it with you as a treasure that was yours to keep even when it had long left this world.

He almost couldn’t believe his luck when you joined his club and kept inviting him to spend time with you. Malleus hardly ever declined. He grew enamored with you; accepted you into his life and always hoped that maybe you’d choose to stay. And you learnt to love him. You loved how eager he seemed to learn about anything new you could show him about the world and how surprised he looked when he was met with something unexpected. You loved his smile and you wanted to be there to share his happiest moments with him. You loved the way he pouted whenever Lilia dared to unpack the embarrassing childhood stories about him.

As time went on, it became undeniable that your bond was something special; as if fate had brought you together for each of you to have a companion at long last. Someone who would stay when all else faded. Days were just a little bit brighter with the prospect of seeing Malleus. You heard Lilia joke once about the way his eyes lit up when he saw you for the first time after a long school day, hoping you’d ask him to take a walk with you or show him a new board game or one of those movies he was so unfamiliar with. You went to festivals and cinemas; listened to each other’s favorite songs and read each other’s favorite books. Which in Malleus’ case happened to be a lullaby from Briar Valley he played for you on the violin and an antique book titled “Gargoyles and their mystical origins”.

You remembered the melancholic sound of the violin, remembered how you marveled at his mastery of the instrument. You knew now the sad songs he played were a testimony to his ever-present loneliness; to all the unchanging years inside his castle and the dreams he longed to make into a reality but never could. Even as thorns had clouded your view and the last thing you heard was the quiet humming of the man you loved but didn’t recognize…you remembered the songs he played for you once and how he had smiled when you complimented how beautiful it was and encouraged him to show you another melody from his homeland. You remembered the way he had shared his world with you in an attempt to give you something back for all the new experience you introduced him to and you wondered how things had spiraled this far out of control. Where did we go wrong?

In your eyes, Malleus Draconia became someone who wore his heart on his sleeve. You could see how he felt in the thunder outside or the snow falling to the ground; but just as well in his eyes, as much as he tried to hide it. You learnt about his passions; what he treasured in this life and the dreams he didn’t dare voice out loud. With time, they became all too familiar to you.

So it came as no surprise to step outside after the internship orientation meeting and find soft but cold snowflakes resting on your skin. You sighed as you remembered the way Lilia had announced his departure from this school to everyone and how, contrary to your expectation when you heard the news, Malleus had just as much not seen it coming as everyone else did.

He heard the soft knock on the door of his room and knew it was you. “Come in”, he called out, quieter than he usually did. You did as he told you, closing the door behind you and sitting beside him on the bed. There was an emptiness and hopelessness in his eyes that you had never seen before. He took a deep breath once in a while, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Like he was lost and all the years he spent alone and isolated left him unable to find his path forward. Malleus was staring at nothing in particular as the snowflakes continued to fall outside. He was caught up in his own world, and if he hadn’t called you in; you would have been unsure if he was even aware of your presence at this moment.

“So…”, you sighed and tried to find the right words but just as well being at a loss at how anything you could do or say could make him feel better right now, “you don’t seem to be doing too well…want to talk about it?” As a fae yourself, you knew the signs. An exponential loss of magic, weakening speed…Lilia’s time on this earth was nearing its end. You were sure that deep down Malleus knew too; even though you could just as well imagine he was denying it in this current moment; arguing with himself that since Lilia had said nothing specific, maybe he really just meant something else than what the prince had understood. He lifted his head slightly and his eyes met yours. In that moment he looked like a frightened child but when he spoke he retained his usual calm demeanor. “I’m just a little surprised, is all”, he sighed and attempted to smile at you, “have you picked an internship yet? During all this commotion, I almost forgot to ask you.”

You shook your head. “I have a few ideas but nothing specific yet”, you mused and leaned your back against one of the bed posts, crossing your legs as you reached for one of the pillows to make yourself more comfortable, “it’s more like I have some skills I want to work on but no specific profession I want to apply to. So I’ll carefully consider my options.” Ever since you met him, Malleus Draconia shook your world and brought it to a different path. You had gone from place to place, working different jobs and meeting all sorts of different people and you had been certain that after your time at Night Raven College was over, that was what you’d continue to do. But now? Now you weren’t so sure. A quiet voice inside you had always raised the idea that maybe you could stay with him. Leave behind the human world you’ve lived in for all your life and become acquainted with your own kind again. A part of his country. Maybe a part of his family.

You were unsure whether Malleus felt even remotely the same as you. Loving Malleus was an all or nothing affair. There was no trial period; no going on dates and being together for a while and splitting up if it didn’t work out. A lot depended on Malleus’ public appearance and to say that him getting into a relationship with anyone would be a big deal was more than an understatement. If you were ready to take a step into that direction, you had to be ready for all the strings attached to the man you loved. A legacy, a crown and a country to take care of. A responsibility to keep peace and ensure that your people could lead comfortable lives.

Confessing to Malleus would be a big step and you didn’t know if you ever would. You weren’t sure if you were adequate to rule a country; yet it wasn’t necessarily something you were opposed to.

Leadership, public relations, bureaucracy…those were what you intended to focus on. All things that were important for a ruler. So that, if after centuries of walking among the mortal folk, you decided to put all cards on the table and spend your life by Malleus’ side, you could at least be sure that you were up to the challenge. That was a precondition for you to feel confident about approaching him with your feelings. You didn’t want to risk backing out and breaking his heart. Or being rejected by his people. And even if things didn’t work out, you could still use these skills on your path forward.

The time at school you had spent with him so far seemed way too short to determine whether you wanted to spend the rest of your days with Malleus, as much as you did love him. And now the year was slowly but surely nearing its end. So you had another idea.

“Do you have anything picked out yet?”, you asked the man you loved and the one you had grown to consider your best friend. Malleus shook his head as well. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to learn in just 3 months…even 9 seems really short to me”, he sighed and clutched the list with the possible internship locations. You pulled out the map where all of them had been marked.

“Well, given that we both don’t know yet what we want to do…why don’t we do something together?”, you suggested quietly and spread the map out on the bed, pointing at a couple of locations, “of course we don’t have to do exactly the same thing, but there’s a couple of cities here where the internship possibilities are basically just piling up…maybe we could just decide on a location and then…I don’t know…live there for a while?”

Malleus already had the surprised expression you were so used to on his face, but you continued. “We could get an apartment and explore the place together…there’s a bunch of spots on the map I haven’t been to either…and I could show you one of those human amusement parks you thought were fake when you saw a picture for the first time”, you chuckled and raised your pointer finger, “oh, I know! Or a mall! We’ll get the biggest ice cream cup they have and then regret all of our life choices. And take an escalator. You’ve never been on an escalator right-”

Your words got cut off by the surprise of Malleus’ embrace. It wasn’t the first time you two had held each other, but from the way he was clinging onto you, you could tell he was more distressed by today’s events than he let on. He let out a sigh of relief as you wrapped your arms around him gently and ran your fingers through his hair in a comforting motion. “That sounds wonderful”, he whispered and you rested your head on his shoulder as you closed your eyes and smiled.

Malleus held onto you like you were his lifeline right now. That just as he was confronted with the inevitable loss of people he held dear, you had offered to stay around a little longer and had shared your ideas with him as if they were something you had been looking forward to presenting to him for a while. A new beginning. He thought about how you’d laugh at his surprise upon discovering all these modern human things you mentioned and how you’d be there waiting for him at the end of a work day, asking him what the two of you should get for dinner. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He was looking forward to taking an escalator for the first time. And trying some unusual ice cream flavors with you. Or being on a train. He knew you’d find so much joy in his curiosity and surprise and Lilia would want to hear all about your mundane adventures together-

Oh…right…

Malleus’ smile faded from his face instantly when he remembered. Although hope for the future and dreams of happiness had filled his mind not a second ago, the image of bliss had now been distorted into a world without Lilia. Without him nudging the young dragon fae playfully when he announced that he was off to spend some time with you; teasing him about when he was going to confess his love to you already. Without the horrible food on the dinner table that Malleus wished wasn’t there but that simultaneously Diasomnia just wouldn’t be the same without. Without anyone to guide him when he didn’t understand something. A world where he was on his own, unsteady where you were so self-assured and down-to-earth. A world where he was expected to lead when there were days where he felt like he could hardly stand without his guardian.

Malleus was staring at the hands he had folded in his lap. “How do you do it?”, he asked, not daring to look into your eyes as he tried to keep it together. “Do what?”, you asked, noticing the shift in his mood immediately. You took his hand in yours and squeezed it gently. "Letting go…”, Malleus mumbled, “moving on after…after they’re gone.” His voice got so quiet as he spoke those words that he wondered whether you had even heard them. You hesitated for a moment, still holding his hand tightly within your own.

“It’s certainly not easy”, you sighed, “it never was and it never will be. But the pain lessens with time.” Your gaze fell to the window as you watched the stars outside; glowing and burning in the distance millions of miles away. Malleus still seemed lost in thought. You remembered the first time you had lost someone who was there for a significant portion of your life. You looked at Malleus’ hopeless expression and knew his world must be shattering into a thousand pieces right now.

“I like to think that we’re all on an endless journey”, you began again, still looking at the stars but you could see from the corner of your eyes that the fae prince lifted his head to look at you, “in the end, we’re all following a path that’s our own and meant only for us. And sometimes our paths cross with those of others. We meet them, sometimes because we chose to and other times under the most unexpected circumstances…and they walk with us for a little while. They share their journey with us; where they’ve been so far, where they’re hoping to go…”

Malleus seemed to think deeply about your words, now also gazing at the stars outside.

“We rest together, we overcome obstacles together…we love and learn because of each other”, you smiled as a shooting star crossed the night sky, “and one day our ways part. The ones we treasure move on to walk their own path once more and we watch them disappear on the horizon and they never look back. And we have to continue on our path as well. I believe it’s because there’s somewhere else we need to be and that wherever those we’ve parted from are now…they’re all cheering for us to get there. And who knows…maybe we will meet again one day.”

Malleus smiled at you from the side, admiring your outlook on this world. How you could be so full of hope even in the most dire of circumstances…even when faced with loss and death. He knew you hadn’t always been this way. That you too had faced the hardships of learning how to live with your long lifespan and carrying on relentlessly, knowing that at the end of the day you’d remain while all else faded and gave way to something new. You simply had more time to grow and adapt, despite being roughly the same age as him. “That’s a beautiful way of looking at it”, Malleus mused and his thumb brushed over your hand he held as the fearful words he didn’t dare say crossed his mind. That’s a strength I don’t think I have…

You didn’t feel too well, leaving him that night. He insisted he was going to be fine, hugged you one last time before you left his room. Maybe he needs to be alone right now, you thought, process everything that’s happened…and everything yet to come.

Maybe if you just hadn’t left him…maybe if you just tried a little harder…

No, you clenched your fist as the wind blew past your face and you gazed upon the thorn-covered island, this had nothing to do with you. This is his own fault.

That fateful day you had woken up in more ways than one. You had woken up from the sleeping curse Malleus had placed on the whole island; the blissful dream that seemed to suffocate you and shatter your heart into a million pieces. But you had also woken up from the dream you thought you were living. The love you thought you had and the happiness that once seemed all too familiar to you. Gone were the days of laughter and joy and you weren’t sure if they would ever return again for as long as Malleus was a part of your life. Maybe it was time to cut the thread spun by fate to lead you to each other.

You shook your head and tears ran down your cheek as your eyes were blinded by the sunrise. It was as if the sky was trying to comfort you, telling you not to cry as there would always be a path forward, with or without him.

Even though the dream world created by the spell was gone, two worlds were still existing within your heart. The one before; the one where you were planning to spend your future with Malleus; the way you saw him and loved every little detail….and the way you saw him now. The world where he had overblotted and attempted to decide the course of your fate with his own hand. Where he believed a false dream; an endless loop of joyful moments, could ever make you as happy as the real world had done with him by your side.

Even though the nightmare had ended, you still seemed to be living in it. You weren’t sure which one was the worse illusion, the dream he decided you and the other students should spend the next thousand years in or the one you lived in before he had disappointed you so much that all you had been able to do for the past two days was weep. The sense of betrayal you felt because of his actions was indescribable, even after all the yelling and explaining you did of your feelings you hadn’t grasped the full extent of it. How could he do this?

You knew how he had felt. You had seen his fear and his desperation; you understood how the only perspective he knew was his own and that at the time, living in a happy dream that would never end probably seemed the better option for himself as well, rather than facing the loss of Lilia, who had been there since he was born, and the knowledge that from now on, he’d only continue to lose more and more. But he dealt with it the wrong way and now he had to take responsibility for the consequences.

“Y/n, please…”, you remembered how he had knelt there in the aftermath of his destruction, gazing upon the shaking silhouettes of his classmates and the worried and confused eyes of his guards. It had started to rain and as he saw his reflection in the puddle left on the ground and looked up to meet the eyes of those who looked at him in a fear that had never been there before; the blissful dream he thought could bring him happiness had finally shattered and nothing remained but guilt. He was used to people avoiding him. To people being intimidated by him and not daring to get too close. But for the first time in his life he saw someone fear for their life around him; look at him like he was one wrong move away from ending it all. I’ve become a monster…

The rain poured down on Sage’s Isle but Malleus could hardly feel it as it hit his face and he wept. He was no stranger to crying. He vividly remembered how Lilia had told you about his many tantrums as a child with a smile on his face. But now, in the face of true despair, he wondered if there was any going forward from here on out. In a fruitless, impulsive attempt to preserve what he used to have, he had broken it so much that it seemed irreparable. He had never seen this expression on your face before. Like something inside you had broken. And never would he have wanted to be the cause of it.

Malleus, at the time, had thought his “gift” would genuinely be something to make the people he’d grown to care about happy. It was simple; an almost too simple solution to a world that seemed so complicated that it threatened to drown him if he didn’t desperately cling onto all that was familiar; despite all of his power. I should have thought this through…, he clenched his fists as heavy sobs left his lips, I should have asked them what they wanted. This isn’t what they wanted.

In the end, the way he tried to avoid losing the ones he loved had only made him more lonely. It brought nothing but suffering. He was alone; destined to die eventually with no one to stop his overblot. And his loved ones were doomed to sleep a thousand years; robbed of the opportunity to grow as the world kept changing around them. Living in an illusion that was happy but ultimately meaningless.

And now he’d lose them regardless. He broke the bonds he had and now he was left with nothing.

“Please…don’t go”, he whispered through sobs as your expression turned from one of sadness to anger.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done, Malleus?!”, you seemed furious but tried to speak as calmly as possible right now, “you can’t keep people around by putting them into an endless stasis! You could have killed everyone here and yourself! What the fuck has gotten into you?”

Your words were the only sound except for the rain. No one else dared to utter a word.

Malleus kept his head hanging and didn’t dare to look into your eyes as he replied. “I am so sorry…”

You let out a bitter laugh. “‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it Malleus”, you spat out, “you’re supposed to rule a country one day and yet you have the impulse control of a rabid squirrel. You could have compromised the safety and well-being of your entire nation with this! I understand how you felt but the only way you know how to deal with your problems is through insane magical gimmicks and making that everyone else’s problem in the process. If that curse hadn’t been lifted, those people would have slept for a thousand years and the students would have never seen their families again! The loss you tried to prevent for yourself you pushed onto others. They would have woken up in a world completely unfamiliar to them. I would have never seen you again. You didn’t ask any of us what we wanted before you threw your damn tantrum and decided for us! You don’t want people to be scared of you? Well congratulations Malleus, but you messed that one up royally.”

Malleus' sobs got even louder. “I know…what I did was stupid”, he could hardly speak through the crying, “really, really stupid. I lost control…I couldn’t think. I was too upset and I did something unforgivable…and now i lost your friendship, haven’t I?”

You had no pity left for him at that moment. “Wow, what was your first clue?”, you responded sarcastically.

Malleus looked at you with a pleading expression, basically begging you to stay at this point. “Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”, he asked, “I want to make it up to everyone…I can’t undo my actions but I want to make it right for all the people I’ve hurt…so please…just give me a chance.” His voice cracked and you sighed.

“You can’t undo what you’ve done and you can’t just make it right or earn yourself points and hoping if you’re just kind enough to people and do enough for them, they’ll forgive you eventually”, your voice was calmer now but it didn’t soften your harsh words, “some of them never will. Maybe not even I will. What’s done is done and I swear to god, please do not throw another grand magical tantrum to try and fix it. Face the mess you’ve made like the adult you are and deal with the consequences. The only thing you can do is move forward.”

You hesitated for a moment before you spoke again.

“No matter how powerful you are, you can’t run from the rules of cause and effect. That’s just what life is like”, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “sometimes we mess up majorly and there’s nothing we can do to fix it. It’s up to every single individual whether they forgive you or not. There’s no guaranteed way to atone. You can only be kinder to the world around you and hope it chooses to be kind to you in return.”

The two of you remained quiet for a while. Most of the students had used the opportunity to sneak away; to a place they presumed to be safe. Only Lilia, Silver and Sebek were still there. Malleus thought about your words. He knew in his heart that you were right.

As silence filled the area around you, your anger about what he had done came back. You knew you probably should have just walked away and cooled off…left him to his own devices and never looked back. But you were too angry.

“You tried to play god for us and treated us like game characters or little shrimp in a terrarium rather than people you care about who make their own choices and live their lives in ways you will sometimes disagree with”, you gestured wildly, “it felt like you didn’t even see us as autonomous people but rather toys you can play with however you please. And that’s terrifying, Malleus. That’s something that, even despite your tendency to impulsively respond with magic to upsetting situations, I would have never expected from you and it broke the most important bond I had to another person in a long time…”

Tears were streaming down your face once more as you were reminded of the loneliness both of you were all too familiar with. That despite your unwavering determination and an optimistic outlook, nothing changed about the fact that you’d always end up alone sooner or later, living longer than most people you’d meet throughout your life. That had changed with Malleus. You finally had someone who could be around for the rest of your life and it felt like you had finally arrived somewhere you belonged. Finally found someone to walk the rest of your journey with you. And now he had kicked that dream in the guts and replaced it with his own delusional idea of a happily ever after.

He had been your dream. Sharing your happiest and worst moments with him. Going through life together; staying by each other’s side for as long as you could.

“I wanted to stay. And you wouldn’t even have needed some dumb dream world for that. I’ve thought about moving to Briar Valley after graduation even though there’s no electricity and the books are 200 years old; all so I could stay with you. I would have trusted you with my life before this, Malleus”, your voice cracked, “right now I wouldn’t even trust you with an hour of my time.”

Your words stung and left him in shock. He knew you treasured him as a friend…but that you cared for him this much? He had no idea. He always thought his love for you was one-sided and now he had broken it, possibly beyond repair. He could have had someone who stayed by his side for the majority of his long life…he could have had that and he pushed you away.

“Will this ever change?”, he asked quietly as you turned around and began walking away from him.

“Goodbye, Malleus.”

Your heart had hardened over the past few days. At first you had locked yourself in your room; living off dry bread and water; unmotivated to go outside. Professor Trein had even knocked on your door a couple of times to make sure you weren’t dead. When students passed by your room, they could only hear you crying from inside.

Eventually the overwhelming sadness just died and left behind an empty void. The sun had risen and was breaking through the curtains. You could lay here for days to come and grieve the bond you seemed to have lost but nothing would stop another day. There was no point in wallowing in self-pity, you knew that. You needed to distract yourself; needed a sense of purpose.

So you went down to the village at the foot of the hill to help clean up the mess Malleus’ spell had left behind. The overwhelming amount of magic had made the technological devices on the island utterly useless and in some cases the thorns had destroyed entire houses. Fortunately no one had been seriously hurt physically but the locals were facing all sorts of problems right now. Communication with the mainland was completely shut down and people struggled to make themselves food with the shops closed up and their household appliances not working. Night Raven College and Royal Sword Academy had offered to provide the people with food and shelter, if they needed it, and it almost made you smile at how they had once again managed to turn this into a competition. Some things never change, huh?

Malleus strolled aimlessly around the island, unsure what the future held in store for him. He observed the village from the distance, watching from the shadows as the market place became busy again and the students complained about having to clear it of dozens of vines. He looked at you; at the forefront of it all, putting all your effort into restoring the town to its former idyllic image. He watched you hand out soup to the elderly and help the old mayor set up a fundraiser for the restoration of what Malleus’ spell and overblot had destroyed. He heard that you had suggested to Vil and Neige to hold a benefit concert in order to raise money for the locals. Malleus noticed the smile on his face as he became witness to the kindness you gave to others, one of the many reasons he had fallen in love with you in the first place.

He remembered the words you spoke that day. “The only thing you can do is move forward.” He was proud to see you do just that and even if you may never forgive him, you had inspired him to do the same; regardless of whatever loss he may face in the future. Malleus saw how you gave a weak smile to a little girl who was crying about her favorite teddy bear that had been impaled by thorns and tried to comfort her, even if you hardly had any reason to smile yourself right now. He could tell that you were tired and still unsure, your emotions all over the place. Since when had he become so perceptive of that?

He heard you let out a genuine laugh as Professor Trein offered to fix the little girl’s teddy bear and she ran over to her parents in excitement to tell them about it. “No way, I had no idea you could sew”, Ace exclaimed with a shocked expression while looking at his teacher. Trein crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed. “I wanted to make a scarf for my wife’s 32nd birthday years ago”, he replied awkwardly, “not my proudest work but it did make her laugh. So I kept doing it, and with time I improved.”

Once you had heard enough of Professor Trein’s stories about his wife, you moved on to another house to try and clear it of the thorns. You saw how everyone came together and supported each other, and although many Night Raven College students were definitely complaining about it, it still brought a small smile to your face. Malleus had broken your heart but there was so much out there still waiting for you even if your ways parted. So many people worth meeting and supporting with your presence, even if it may long outlast them.

From the corner of your eye you could notice a boulder being lifted next to you. There was only one person around strong enough to just do that with bare hands. You looked up to see Prince Malleus Draconia in the flesh, removing the thorns he had caused and trying to fix the house they had destroyed with his own two hands. The two of you silently worked next to each other for a while, not daring to say a word. You observed Malleus quietly, hoping he wouldn’t notice your lingering gazes on him. You didn’t know whether you should hate the fact that his presence calmed you or that his helpless attempts at trying to fix this situation without magic almost made you laugh. But you eventually decided to raise your voice.

“You’re not going to use magic to just fix the whole town in a flash?”, you asked, raising an eyebrow at Malleus who in that moment poked his hand on a thorn and watched it bleeding helplessly before you reached for the first-aid kit and handed him some bandages and a pair of gloves. “My magic is still drained”, Malleus explained, “and the blot hasn’t fully disappeared yet. It’s better if I don’t use magic for now.”

He hesitated for a moment, looking down. “Besides…”, he sighed as he put the gloves on, “I don’t…really feel like using magic right now. Not after everything that happened.” You nodded and resumed your work.

Malleus picked up another boulder and shoved it where it had fallen off the house. “You know that’s not how you build a house, right?”, you sighed and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. “Then how do I?”, he laid a finger to his chin and pondered on an alternative for a while. You pointed to the docks. “There’s a couple of construction workers over there whose job is to do exactly that. Why don’t you ask them and find out?”, you suggested and Malleus nodded.

He followed your advice and found that this was the longest conversation he ever had with someone who wasn’t a student. He learnt that one of the workers was really proud that his son had been accepted into Royal Sword Academy recently and that another one was married to a baker who made the most delicious sweets in town. Malleus mused that he’d have to check these out sometimes. All this time, these people had been living so close to his school and he had never thought about the lives they led and what things they were passionate about and what they wished for. They had been caught up in his spell and he didn’t even waste a second thought on them when he had cast it. On how much they could have lost because of it. He had cast them aside when he should have kept them safe and supported them.

Malleus looked at you and all that you had contributed to in such a short time. And then he looked at himself in shame and realized that you had been much more of a leader than he could hope to be. He had taken the opportunity to get away from the castle and explore the world outside of Briar Valley but he had always wondered what there was left for him to learn at this school. He chuckled at his past naivety. This was what Lilia had been trying to teach him all along, wasn’t it? That the world was so much bigger and more complicated than he ever would have expected and that Malleus had so, so much left to learn. He was hardly ready to be a king.

All the work had left you exhausted and you were glad once the day was over, looking over the island from a balcony at the school. The sun was setting and tinted the horizon in hues of red and orange. You leaned over the balustrade and noticed how the mess of thorns and debris was already looking a lot better than the day before.

“You sure worked a lot, didn’t you?”, you heard a familiar voice behind you, “makes me wish I would have been able to contribute.” You turned around and your gaze met Lilias. You nodded. The two of you remained silent for a while, watching the sunset as it marked the end of your time together. “When are you leaving?”, you asked, knowing Malleus’ spell had already prolonged Lilias departure. “Tomorrow morning”, the older fae replied with a peaceful smile on his face, “you should come and see me off.” “I will”, you smiled back as a gust of wind blew past your face.

You thought about the coming farewell and how Malleus would likely be there. Tomorrow would be hard for him, you knew that much…

“You love him, don’t you?”, Lilia asked as if being able to read your thoughts.

You crossed your arms, visibly flustered. “I-”, you pouted, “don’t ask me that right now.”

Lilia chuckled. “He loves you too, you know?”, he didn’t miss the surprise on your face as well as the fleeting smile he got out of you by telling you this. You sighed and raised your eyebrows at the former warrior. “You weren’t supposed to tell me this, were you?”, you knew Lilia had a habit of spilling the beans on the people he raised, even when they were very much not up for that. “Nope, khee hee”, Lilia confirmed your suspicions and you buried your head in your hands.

“I know you’re still mad”, he sighed and his gaze met yours, “but I can assure you Malleus has learnt from this. I can’t stop you from leaving if that’s what you decide to do, but I’m asking you to consider if your anger is really stronger than the bond the two of you have.”

“I don’t know”, you replied. “That’s okay. Take your time and think about it. No need to rush”, he smiled and put his hands to his hips, “so where are you headed now?”

You thought about his question for a while. You had tried to grow and learn in order to make sure you could face the trials ahead if you were to confess to Malleus. You didn’t know at the time whether his grandmother or his people would even accept you or whether Malleus felt the same for you. But in your pursuit of security and growth you had found something even more valuable: a new sense of purpose. Regardless of whether you’d end up with or without Malleus by your side, the resolve and strength you had gained through the experiences you had with him were your own and they’d remain even if you were to part ways. You didn’t need to marry a prince and rule a country to put them to good use.

You gazed once more upon the island below the castle and the thorns that had been removed from the village squares. You pulled out your phone and noticed that the fundraiser had gone way beyond its original goal thanks to a donation by the Asim family. You smiled as you looked out towards the sunset.

“I’m going to continue to support others. To improve what is around me and step up to take responsibility. Share my knowledge with others as the centuries pass by. Innovate. Hear people’s stories and follow them on their journey for a while”, you closed your eyes as a sense of determination but also a feeling of peace rushed over you.

“I know where I’m headed. Whichever path I’m on."

You looked back at Lilia who gave you an appreciative nod and a pat on the back. He smiled and seemed satisfied with your answer. “Malleus has a lot to learn from you, if you let him.” The older fae had disappeared when you looked up again.

When you entered the mirror chamber on the next day, Sebek, Silver and Malleus were already assembled there to say goodbye to Lilia. He had brought along all of his luggage and Sebek and Silver were already crying.

“Now, now, don’t get all teary-eyed about me”, Lilia said with a smile as a tear of his own ran down his cheek. He walked over to Sebek and took the first-year’s hands into his own. “Sebek”, he began, “do me a favor and don’t stay holed up in that narrow worldview you’ve grown to have. Make some friends. Let people in. There is so much more for you to see and experience. You’ve grown into a wonderful guard for Malleus but I also want you to find your own path and something you want to dedicate your time to without being focused on another person. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and I’m certain you’ll only grow more from here on out. I wish that you find patience and open your mind to the world around you. It was a pleasure to work alongside you and watch you become stronger.”

Sebek nodded and started sobbing, frantically trying to wipe his tears with the sleeve of his jacket.

“Silver”, Lilia pulled his son into his arms and held him tightly one last time, remembering how he had picked him up when he was just a baby, “you’re the best son a father could ask for. I am so proud of you and you’ve grown into a wonderful young man. I’m glad to call you my son. Don’t look back too much and continue moving forward. There is a great future ahead of you. Don’t worry about your old man too much. I’ll always be there rooting for you, even when you can’t see me. Take care, Silver.”

Lilia waited patiently until Silver was ready to let go. He held onto his father, wishing he could prolong the inevitable but knowing, after all that had happened, that it was time to let go.

And so did Malleus.

When Lilia stepped over to him, he took both of your hands into his and looked into Malleus’ eyes. “Malleus”, Lilia sighed and shook his head, “you caused me a lot of grey hairs with your actions those past few days…but I trust that you’ve learned your lesson and know what you have to do from here on out. All the advice I could give you, I think you’ve learnt the hard way with recent developments. I only hope that you find a way to live your life that makes you happy and feel content.”

Lilia hugged Malleus and chuckled. “I still remember the time you had an eggshell on your face and couldn’t dress yourself like it was yesterday.” “Do we have to bring that up again?”, Malleus pouted but his expression softened when he heard you laugh beside him. Lilia looked at you. “Y/n, I know that you’re still angry and have a lot to sort out…but do you really think this grudge is something you’re going to hold for centuries?”, Lilia asked, “both of you will be faced with loss over and over again throughout your life. But the two of you will remain alive throughout the majority of it. You have each other. Don’t throw that away. Take care of each other and help each other grow. I know you care a lot…keep an eye on Malleus for me, alright?”

Lilia chuckled as you linked your hand with Malleus’ and squeezed it gently. “He’s a handful”, you sighed and Malleus let out a laugh, pulling you into a hug with a relieved expression. “Don’t test me, Malleus Draconia”, you hissed but wrapped your arms around him as well, resting your head on his shoulder. Once you parted, Lilia smiled at Malleus. “The last few days have been…a lot”, he chuckled and Malleus sighed, “but I’m proud of you too. And I’m sure that you’ll be a great king one day. You have a long way to go, but you’ll get there. I’m certain of it.”

Tears ran down Malleus’ cheek as he bid Lilia farewell…one of the few people he had known since he was born.

As soon as Lilia had left through the dark mirror, Malleus broke down. It was raining outside again and he was sobbing along with Silver and Sebek. You had pulled him into your arms and let your embrace comfort him; your anger forgotten in light of the loss Malleus just faced and the overwhelming sadness that resulted from it.

The days that followed were quiet, as if time had stopped. Malleus had needed some time to himself to grieve and you had given him the space he needed but offered your comfort when he wanted it as well. It took a while; the sun rose and set again over the horizon as the days went on, but you eventually heard a knock at your door. “Come in”, you called out and Malleus opened the door, walking into your room and closing the door behind him. He was quiet for a while, just sitting next to you and pondering what to say next.

“Do you forgive me?”, he finally asked.

You sighed and chuckled. “I can’t just reject an old man’s dying wish now, can I?”, you shook your head and took Malleus’ hand in yours, “besides…he was right. I’m not going to hold that grudge for centuries. So I might as well let you off the hook while you’re still within reach.”

Malleus’ expression turned to one of relief and he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly against his chest. Against all odds; against what he felt he deserved, you had given him another chance and chosen to stay. And he would make sure to not let it go to waste. He remembered how devastated and sad you had looked after his overblot. He never wanted to make you cry again.

You looked up into his eyes. “But no more using magic on people without asking them first…or trying to solve personal problems with magic. You have to promise me that”, you told him, “you get one chance. And if you mess up, promise me you’ll let me go and move forward, okay?” Malleus nodded and he rested his head on top of yours. “I won’t disappoint you”, he promised and squeezed your hand.

As all the boys who overblotted did, Malleus had started seeing a counselor to work through what had happened as well as through the loss of Lilia. You were still more distant than you used to be but with every passing day you warmed up to Malleus again. You could laugh again and join him for his club activities. You went to his favorite cafe with him after it had reopened; sharing a big cup of ice cream before heading to the beach to watch another sunset. One of many to come.

“How have you been holding up?”, he asked you with genuine concern in his voice as he sat down beside you in the sand. “I’ll pull through”, you sighed, “but sometimes I wonder if I’m still living in a dream and I’m going to wake up to the harsh reality any moment now…”

Malleus’ heart was aching, knowing he was the cause of those feelings. He had broken your trust and it would take a long time to fully restore it but he was ready, whatever it might take. Just no magic, he had promised you that.

“There’s a legend in Briar Valley”, he said with a smile while looking out into the sunset, “of a princess who was woken up from a sleeping curse by true love’s kiss. Lilia used to tell me about it all the time when I was a child. It was my favorite bedtime story. We even hold a festival based on it every year….I was never able to go thus far…but maybe we can go there together sometime…”

“If that’s your attempt at flirting, you have terrible timing, read the room Malleus”, you shook your head but he could tell from your smile that you weren’t serious, “so…are you going to kiss me or not?” Malleus chuckled and pulled you close, his lips finally meeting yours to promise you your happily ever after…as well as that was possible in such an imperfect world. But it was real and it meant so much, regardless of the trials and tribulations along the way. He understood now why a dream would have never made you as happy as he wanted to see you. He had to work for that and he swore to put in all the effort it would take for you to put the past behind you and be certain in the future you could have with him.

You kissed him back eagerly, pouring all your love but also the exhaustion the past days had left you with into the kiss. Tears ran down your cheek and you couldn’t even tell if they were yours or his. Malleus’ lips were soft and still tasted like the strawberry ice cream he had while at the cafe. He held you gently and kissed you over and over again, relieved that you were still here with him, even through all that had happened. He loved you so much and so unconditionally that he had no idea how he hadn’t realized it sooner.

You had to push him away gently with a chuckle, as Malleus had just been leaning in for another taste of your lips and he probably would have been content just doing that for another three hours. “I still need to breathe, you know?”, you laughed and watched the waves meet the shore. Malleus leaned his head against yours and held your hand in his. The overblot and its aftermath seemed like a terrible nightmare to you now and Malleus’ kiss had woken you up to the dawn of a new day.

“I remember how you told me that those who leave us are off to another path different from our own”, he reminisced, “if that’s true, what do you think Lilia is doing right now?”

You chuckled. “Probably cooking something horrible.”

Malleus laughed through his tears but you could still see the pain that was written on his face. “I miss him”, he said quietly and let you hold him, clinging onto you for comfort. “I know”, you whispered, “I do too.” Malleus nuzzled your cheek before pressing a kiss to it. He looked into your eyes with a loving expression, grateful for every minute he could spent within your presence.

“Thank you for choosing to stay with me”, he squeezed your hand and a smile made its way to his face. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, he was looking forward to the future. “I love you”, he told you and cupped your cheek with his hand, watching you lean into his touch and softly kiss the palm of his hand.

You brushed his bangs out of his face and pressed a kiss to the markings on his forehead, noticing how the action made him visibly flustered.

“I love you too, Malleus.”

#twisted wonderland #malleus draconia x you #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst malleus #twst chapter 7 spoilers #chapter 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland chapter 7

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chaosfairy18 · 4 months

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Spelling lessons

A short (2k) fic with the idea that I posted recently of Dutchy not being able to understand English spelling (and being annoyed about it) and then accepting some help from Specs

It has some Decs (DutchyxSpecs) at the end because it was too cute not to (Also Dutchy's name is Zacharias and Specs' Victor, there is only a small scene that is relevant, but it can't hurt to say)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

English spelling might be Dutchy‘s nemesis actually.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t write, he’d learned back in elementary school in the Netherlands, he knew the alphabet, thank you very much, and he also knew how to speak German – they lived close to the border – and even read most of it because it just looked similar, he could at least guess the meaning if he had to and since he knew how to speak it, it wasn’t too difficult to grasp reading or writing, all in all.

French was harder, but since there had been some people speaking French in his little town, he’d also learned speaking that.

He might have been an annoying kid, always hanging on their lips and asking for more words, more things to learn, but it was just too interesting to him.

Now he couldn’t really write much in French, he’d learnt a bit back then, but it wasn’t enough, not really.

Then he’d gone on that ship to America with his aunt and uncle. The time they had took to get to America was more than enough to grasp the basics of English, especially due to its similarities to French, Dutch and German. The men and women Dutchy had spent every day learning the language from mostly hadn’t been able to read though, and it wasn’t like he had to learn that. He knew how to read, it couldn’t be that hard.

After being basically ditched by his aunt and uncle he’d quickly found the lodging house – after all he had learnt the language and could ask around where a boy with some money could find work or a place to stay – and Kloppman hadn’t believed he was only there for less than a day, though he was even more impressed when he correctly guessed his accent and started talking in German which was still easier than English though it wouldn’t take long until he didn’t care what he spoke.

Now all that was well and good if it weren’t for the fact that he had to sell newspapers that had headlines. See, these newspapers were sometimes available in Dutch or German, but of course most were in English and for some reason the Americans or the Brits had decided to make their spelling the most confusing thing in existence. If he heard one of the other newsies say the headline, he knew exactly what it meant, but combining that with the letters he saw on the board? It felt impossible, even now.

Maybe it was his pride in knowing languages that kept him from asking anyone for help, maybe it was that he avoided the language classes in the lodge and instead took the ones on math, but at this point he was almost dead set to not comply with this idiotic spelling in newspapers.

That didn’t mean he could read the headline any better.

“What’s it say?”, he asked Skittery, pretending he was just cleaning his glasses and therefore couldn’t see it right now.

Skittery, who had been reading a novel of some kind as he was standing in line scoffed and snapped his book shut, obviously annoyed. “It says ‘learn to read, idiot’.”

Dutchy froze as he was just about to put on his glasses again. What had he just called him? He could read, in two (and a half) languages even, he could even write and speak more languages than Skittery could probably name, and he dared call him an idiot-

“Says the guy that fell into the river last week.”, interrupted Specs, subtly pushing Dutchy away from Skittery before he really could let the situation escalate and call Skittery names in 4 different languages and whatever else he had picked up over the years.

“That don’t make me an idiot, clumsy maybe. And I got shoved.”

The tall boy quickly got engrossed in his novel again, only looking up if Tumbler was running around him, otherwise ignoring them.

“You aren’t an idiot.”, was the first thing Specs said to him, all quiet as if it was a secret.

“I know. It’s not my fault English is so-“

“You can’t keep not learnin’ because you don’t want to, Dutch.” Specs pushed his hands in his pant pockets. “I could help you, if you want.”

Dutchy’s first instinct was to bite back that he didn’t need help, but maybe he did. And Specs was his closest friend, it wasn’t like he was making fun of him. “If you’re offerin’.”

“You could read books if you learnt. Spoil the ends for Skitts.”

He snorted, hitting Specs with his elbow. “You’ve seen me read books.”

“Not in English.”

“Fine. I’ll let you help.”

They got their papes from Wiesel – every day Dutchy had to bite back a comment on it was actually Weasel because he knew how to read that word – and split up to sell, Specs saying he’d come by later to start their ‘lessons’.

Of course, Specs had to keep his word, one unsold pape and a book in hand, bowler hat and vest already discarded somewhere in the bunk room. He wouldn’t get out of it then.

Shame.

Dutchy let himself be dragged to the roof, the evening sun making the temperatures comfortably warm rather than sweltering. Specs dragged some crates to the middle of the roof, and they sat down around them, the newspaper and book placed on them.

“So, you can read the alphabet fine, right? That’s the same.”

“Again: You’ve seen me read a book and write my name.”

Specs rolled his eyes. “Yes, just wanted to make sure.” He opened up the first article of the World. “Maybe it’ll help if I read it to you. You know the words, then you’ll see the spelling as I say it.”

Shrugging, he moved a bit closer to Specs so he could properly see the line he had his finger under to indicate what he was reading. He didn’t want help like this, but since at a first glance he could only read the shorter words in the article he probably did need it.

Sadly.

“Man with parachute leaps from Brooklyn Bridge-“

“Wait that’s how you spell bridge? Where is the e coming from?” He could live with silent letters, at least if there was an explanation for them.

Specs pinched the bridge of his nose. “I dunno the rules, Zach. Just- read with me, okay?”

The rest of the article was interesting enough – the man had used a modified umbrella to jump of the bridge and had only barely survived – but Dutchy wasn’t sure how much he was learning yet. Some words he knew and recognized, others he was completely stunned as to where that spelling could come from and if he could remember them.

“I don’t think it’s working.”, he sighed after the third article.

“We just started today. Rome wasn’t built in a day and all’at.”

Dutchy bit back his retort and just kept listening to Specs read, trying to recognize words he’d heard today before.

Of course, the lessons didn’t stop after a day. Contrary to what Dutchy had hoped for, Specs was very good at remembering it every evening and dragging him to the rooftop, going through more articles or through a chapter of a book.

And even worse: He had to admit it was working.

Especially in papes there were headlines that came again and again, so he recognized almost everything on the chalkboard every morning now, there were just a few words that he had to quietly ask Specs about.

That also meant that he began to slack a bit in their lessons. It was working, but he didn’t like admitting to being wrong, so he still sat there – he was Specs’ friend after all and he was going through a lot of trouble to teach him – but he wasn’t listening to his every word anymore, instead looking up to see his dark eyes trace the words and his mouth open again and again.

At first it wasn’t that intense, just looking at his friend a bit before going back to the tiny black words, but the more he looked at him, the more he had to admit that he was fascinating to watch. His eyes were dark, even in the light, pupil and iris not much different in colour, almost as dark as the coffee they got from the nuns in the morning when they were lucky.

Specs didn’t seem to notice whenever he wasn’t paying attention, so it happened more and more over the days.

And not just in their lessons either. Dutchy’s gaze was drifting to Specs more and more frequently while selling, eating in the lodge, standing in line at the distribution centre and when they got ready for the day in the morning.

As already stated, Dutchy wasn’t an idiot, there weren’t a lot of reasons why he would be drawn to his friend so much. It was obvious, really, and the last few lessons he had spent his time half listening to Specs – he always looked so sad if Dutchy didn’t get any of the words they already went over – and half planning to show his affections to him.

Reading out loud a chapter of one of the few romance books they had down in the lodge didn’t work – Specs was only happy that he had gotten through it with almost no stumbling over words – and the extra touches while selling together didn’t seem to work either.

Maybe he’d just have to be direct about it.

The next evening they sat on the rooftop of the lodge again and Dutchy let Specs talk a bit, attempting to explain why a specific word was spelt how it was – because of course after Dutchy complained that he didn’t get the rules he had looked them up and asked Kloppman because he was invested into helping his friends like that – and only getting distracted by the way his lips moved and his eyes shone just a bit brighter than usual.

It seemed as good a time as any.

Dutchy made Specs trail off by tilting his friend’s chin up with his finger and leaning in close. “Maybe for today I can teach you something, Victor.”

The other’s eyes grew wide and taking his quickly reddening face as confirmation Dutchy kissed him for a short moment, smiling as Specs chased after his lips just a bit when he leaned back.

“So you’re okay with that?”

“Very.”, croaked out Specs, still not completely convinced this was actually happening.

Smiling wider, Dutchy pulled his glasses off – he’d felt them press into each other uncomfortably in the first brief kiss – and leaned in again, just trying out how Specs’ lips felt against his, how it felt like to hold his jaw as he did so, how he reacted when he moved his hair out of his face.

Everything was as good as he’d thought, Specs also getting more comfortable throughout the minutes, he almost wasn’t burning red anymore when they separated again, Dutchy leaning his forehead against Specs’.

“Hope you liked the lesson.”, he whispered, glad he’d begrudgingly accepted the offer for spelling lessons weeks ago.

Specs looked at him like he’d just taught him all the secrets of the universe. “Yeah. I’d love more. Only if you-“

He gave him a peck on the cheek. “Of course, darling.”

That made Specs burn up again, putting his head in his hands and groaning. “You can’t just say that!”

“I can call you whatever I want, darling.”

Specs curled even more in on himself, ears completely red. “Stooop.”

Laughing more about his friend’s state, Dutchy leaned in closer and put an arm around his waist, closing his eyes and enjoying the heat of the evening sun and his new partner next to him.

#92sies #newsies #my writing #dutchy newsies #specs newsies #dutchyxspecs #decs #I just think they can be such sarcastic assholes but not to each other #and Dutchy has no shame #his only life goal is to make Specs blush more #Specs can be such a bitch (/aff) but he is weak for Dutchy #Dutchy knows a lot of languages #take that from my cold dead hands

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wenella · 1 year

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Zhu Yilong: A New Adventure is about to Begin

朱一龙：新的冒险即将开启

EN translation of Zhu Yilong's Harper's Bazaar June 2023 Cover Issue Feature Interview by wenella

2023 is a brand new year for Zhu Yilong. It is also a year full of possibilities.

The 35-year-old has started promoting two films that he starred in, namely “Lost in the Stars,” a suspenseful crime film produced by Chen Sicheng, which will be released soon, and “Only the River Flows,” a collaboration with Wei Shujun, which was selected for the 76th Cannes Film Festival’s Un Certain Regard category.

At the age of 35, Zhu Yilong is entering a phase that he has been anticipating.

He performs roles and writes new stories for them.

He is the person in the story, yet he is also the person who creates the story.

"I calculate time with my work."

Zhu Yilong calculates time with his works. Two movies a year. Ten more films later, he'll be 40 years old. This is how he counts.

Zhu Yilong was filming on his 35th birthday on April 16, 2023. He didn’t prepare for his birthday live stream but took the opportunity to chat with his fans on his birthday. He seemed a little nervous as he was doing the live stream alone. “Well, I don’t see anyone else while live streaming.”

Among the new generation of male actors, Zhu Yilong’s career trajectory is considered rather smooth; he learnt to play the piano in elementary school, enrolled in Beijing Film Academy to learn acting, and kickstarted his acting career in his junior year. After graduation, he garnered audience’s attention and support for his various drama roles. The web drama Guardian propelled him to popularity in 2018. In the show, he played three roles Shen Wei, Black Robe Envoy, and Ye Zun, and impressed viewers with his mature acting skills.

Yet, he also seems a little different from his peers. He seems rather mature for his age. Perhaps it is due to his shy, introverted personality, or the way he looks at people with his soft, glistening gaze in films, conveying sentiments that can only be spoken through his eyes. He is rather arty too and has performed Liang Bo’s “Boy,” Lo Ta-yu’s “Dream Chasers,” and Hedgehog’s “Cloud Bound Train” on stage. He doesn’t appear on variety shows and rarely does live streams. All these make him seem a little special.

In one of Zhu Yilong’s rare live streams in 2022, he sang the theme song of “Lighting up the Stars.” The film is a tragicomedy that deals with a unique theme; he plays Mo Sanmei, a young man from Wuhan who works in the funeral industry. After an encounter with a little girl, Mo Sanmei finds a sense of responsibility and the meaning to his life. In order to play this role well, Zhu Yilong experienced life in a funeral parlour and sported a buzz cut. “I love the joys of reunion and sorrows of parting; I love the everyday life in this world.” He has sung the film’s theme song on several occasions. Each time, he played either the piano or the guitar, with his head lowered, while articulating the lyrics in his deep voice clearly. Beneath his gentle demeanour, we see occasional flashes of Mo Sanmei’s defiance and enthusiasm.

Zhu Yilong said that there are so many film genres that he would like to try. “I want to work with different directors and try different acting styles.” As such, he feels the lack of time acutely. He wants to keep making movies. The sceneries of his journeys, the waves of the sea, the winds of the world…… he hopes to depict everything that he sees, encounters, and feels, through the cinematic lens.

In Zhu Yilong’s opinion, there is no distinction between the status of a film actor and a TV actor. It has nothing to do with status. Rather, making movies requires the actor to immerse himself in a totally different circumstance. “You will experience something different from your life, you will need to leave your comfort zone and experience a circumstance that you are unlikely to encounter in your life.” As an actor, he enjoys this kind of life. He said that being an actor has taught him to be reflective. He used to read scripts and find certain situations unreasonable. However, if he encounters such issues now, he would reflect to see if he finds the situation unreasonable simply because he hasn’t experienced something similar, or if it is one that he doesn’t truly understand.

“In fact, most of the time, it is most likely due to the fact that we haven’t experienced such situations before. Real life can be more dramatic and hyperbolic than in scripts.”

“Hiding behind his role and helping the creator to complete the work"

In May 2023, the film Only the River Flows, directed by Wei Shujun and starring Zhu Yilong, was selected for the 76th Cannes Film Festival’s Un Certain Regard section.

Only the River Flows was shot on 16mm film, making it a brand new experience for Zhu Yilong. Zhu Yilong described Wei Shujun as an extremely talented young director and they would often discuss filmmaking.

"The overall creative direction of this film, the acting style, and the way the plot advances, differ greatly from my previous films. Unlike regular movies that utilize character's emotions to create plot twists, Only the River Flows shows how the whole story and atmosphere changed the character instead.”

Zhu Yilong’s upcoming film is a commercial suspense thriller “Lost in the Stars.” He adopted a completely different way of acting in this film. “There are many types of films and there is no one way of acting that is necessarily more ‘superior.’ Different genres require different acting styles.” He said, “I was initially hesitant to accept the role when I first read the script because the character is highly complex. He often vacillates between different states – this character isn’t linear and I wasn’t sure how the role would be presented eventually. However, audiences might find this aspect thrilling because there are plenty of plot twists.”

Zhu Yilong spoke with the film’s producer Chen Sicheng many times and in great detail about the film’s production and expected outcomes. Chen Sicheng told Zhu Yilong that he wanted to make an extreme genre film. Zhu Yilong agreed with the mode of presentation and decided to join the team.

“I realised something very interesting.” After making Lighting up the Stars and Lost in the Stars, Zhu Yilong noted, “Transforming into a character isn’t only about changing a look, gaining or losing weight for the role, or simply growing long hair or a moustache. Rather, it is related to one’s understanding of acting. The transformation needs to be thorough. If I use only one type of acting method to take on different genres, I am just merely repeating myself and not really challenging different genres.”

On the topic of self expression, Zhu Yilong admitted, “It is difficult for an actor to express his world views through his character or performance.” He feels that an actor is only a medium. A film is constituted by its director, lighting, art…… and many other creators; the actor is just one aspect of the entire creativity process. Therefore, he doesn’t seek to express himself through the lens. Rather, he hopes to help every creator and director to realize their work and to present their vision as holistically as possible – a film isn’t merely about what an actor has to say to the world.

Zhu Yilong, who wishes to remain hidden behind his role and avoids repeating himself, is striving to do his best in every step he takes. He shows us how an ordinary person can gain recognition through hard work, one step at a time.

"Allowing myself to be more relaxed"

When Zhu Yilong isn’t filming, his life is quite boring. He admitted that he is an introvert and said, “My lives in films are so exciting. I’m actually quite tired each time I wrap a film. So I just want to keep things simple and comfortable; I will be more than satisfied just to get enough rest.”

Zhu Yilong is 35 years old. He is considered to be at his prime, though not necessarily young anymore. However, his smile, eyes, and posture, still exude a youthful charm. On his birthday, he said that he didn't want to celebrate, but he would like to make a birthday wish. When we asked him what he would like to say to his 40-year-old self, he said, “I don’t want to talk to my 40-year old self. Time is passing so quickly. I don’t feel like 40 years old is a distant age. Time passes very quickly when one is busy.”

A few years ago, Zhu Yilong thought that getting less exposure and not going on variety shows could help to preserve an actor's mystique. But he thinks differently now. “Everyone has the right to choose how they want to live and everyone has the right to choose their acting style. There is no hard-and-fast rule regarding acting. If they feel comfortable or enjoy participating in variety shows as part of their job, why not?”

These changes happened over the past two years. Previously, Zhu Yilong would think, “I aspire to become this type of actor, I will work hard in this manner, I will go to this extent for my role…” However, he feels that it doesn’t really matter anymore. “As long as it isn’t something calculated or deliberate, I think it is fine,” he said with regards to what type of acting he preferred and the goals he hoped to achieve.

“I just want to let my acting be more natural, I want to be more relaxed. I don’t deem my roles as pathways to quick success nor weigh the advantages of each role I play. I don’t think about what I can get from a role.”

“I don’t want to seek approval or recognition for the characters I play or my acting style. I don’t think too much about this issue. I just hope that I am able to enjoy the process of creating my roles, of emptying and transforming myself into my character as much as possible.”

For him, every performance is a door.

The completion of a work is not the end, but the door that leads to his next adventure.

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