#I know you can’t eat battery acid

[quibbs126]

I don’t know why, but the name Battery Acid Cookie ran through my mind, and now I want that

I don’t really know what a Battery Acid Cookie would be like, though I imagine the options are either robotic in some way or connected to robots, or futuristic

But it sounds cool to me

[beneathashadytree]

from the same authors of "do you think zayne cum is cold?" we also have: do you think xavier cum shine in the dark, or that he shines when he comes (like that blonde female character from the boys, that i forgot the name)?

I know you are only message fics for now and i dont know if something like this would fit that format, but if you can i would love to read anything about this ♡

I’m gonna be honest with you nonnie, I’m VERY out of touch with modern media (I’ve watched like. 4 series in my entire life and a total of like 20 movies all in all) so I have no idea what you’ve just referenced, BUTTTT I do believe I have an answer to your question!! Of course this is all based off my silly headcanons, so take my opinion with a grain of salt🙏🏽 Of course, this is pretty NSFW, and the reader is gender-neutral as always!

To anyone else reading this, my requests are still closed!! These are just my ramblings, or old requests I had🫶🏽

Tip jar!

Masterlist

Metaphorically speaking, Xavier’s cum is pretty much lighter fluid

In the sense that this man’s diet is absolutely disastrous… can a person even live on an almost-purely-carnivorous diet???

Naturally that makes his cum a lot more bitter than it normally would be, so unless his lover wants to choke on battery acid every time they swallow his cum, they ought to sit down with him and have a few serious conversations regarding sex vs food

Either he pulls out of their mouth before he cums when they’re sucking him off, or he gets a little more greens in him in order to improve his own taste… fair enough, I would think!

Xavier doesn’t really mind; after all, he’s still eating lots of red meat, he just now balances that out with more fruits and veggies… and he still gets the overwhelming pleasure of watching his partner swallow his release with a much more pleased hum than they ever did, their thumb reaching out to catch any drops that spill out of the corner of their mouth

It drives him half mad, but he guesses that’s a small price to pay

Now that we’ve got the metaphorical part out of the way, let’s get to this interesting point: does he, or does he not glow when he climaxes?

I wouldn’t say that his cum glows, because if it did, I think his other bodily fluids would too

From a fictional anatomical standpoint, I highly doubt that his lover wouldn’t notice if his saliva had a bit of a glow (something they’d surely notice while making out or having a hearty meal, for example)

So I do believe his cum is as normal as normal could be for a man like him

I do believe, though, since he’s not 100% human (or, at the very least, not from Earth) that doesn’t mean he’s fully normal

I think that he would have abnormally thick cum, and I would assume that that has to do with his biological make-up

Given how people from Philos lead extremely long lives (given Xavier’s age, I’d give them a lifespan of 500+), and given how literally none of the characters from Philos have any siblings, I think it would be safe to assume that their seed isn’t very potent to start with

So if a person will live half a millennium and be able to have just 1 kid their entire life, I do believe that their cum would be stickier and thicker in order to have a higher chance of “taking” by not spilling out immediately

So I honestly think that Xavier’s cum is genetically modified for breeding purposes

And regardless of whether or not his significant other has the ability to become pregnant and/or even wants it at all, his brain has him wired to have a bit of a breeding kink that he can’t even help

But of course, he’ll always listen to and respect his partner’s wishes!

One thing I’ve noticed about Xavier, however, is that his eyes tend to lose their shine when he’s being forward and open about his sexual desires

He’s putty in his lover’s hands, yes, but once he takes control? Those angel eyes have a very intentional purpose, and he’s making that message come across loud and clear

Like a turbulent ocean, deep and all-consuming, his gaze leaves no doubts about what he wants

Now, here’s my headcanon: I like to think that when he’s close, his eyes get their shine back; so much so that they would be mistaken for tears

Maybe it’s the emotional attachment to the person he’s yearned for all these years, maybe it’s because of his own EVOL making its appearance

But for some reason, as he begins to lose control, his eyes do shine quite a bit, almost like freshly-cut sparkling sapphires

It’s quite dazzling and a bit surprising to witness for the first time, since Xavier doesn’t usually exhibit non-human behavior

But it makes that seraphic face seem all the more otherworldly; the contrast between how beautiful he is and how downright filthy his actions can be when he’s buried to the hilt inside them makes their head spin

After he’s spilled inside them amidst soft sighs and sweet moans, his eyes do go back to normal after a few seconds of closing them in bliss, so they might miss it if they’re not paying close attention

Kind of hard to look away though, when your lover looks like that

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[joltning]

how I see them cooking

church: the worst fucking cook out of all of them. just absolute horrible blames everything on caboose puts things to 10000 degrees and is like ☹️why did it burn ☹️wtf. has never made an edible thing in his life.

tucker: pretty good I mean he’s not making anything gourmet but any time blue team has to cook real food he does it and has to ban church and caboose cause they fuck it up so bad. might have some questionable tastes tho so his personal food is a little fucked

caboose: surprisingly not that bad but makes a Mess. it’ll taste good but still have an eggshell in it and the whole room is covered in ingredients

tex: pretty normal. she doesn’t seem like a big cooking fan though she might just eat an onion for the hell of it

sarge: good. but put him on the grill NOW. he needs to grill Now. he probably has a homemade rub that tastes bomb. he probably puts it on everything though and the rest of the team is shouting at him for putting pepper on his ice cream or something

simmons: bare minimum. he can make instant food and basic meals but he wings it or looks up a recipe. I can imagine he chops vegetables pretty fast

grif: well versed in the art of comfort food. he doesn’t really like cooking bc it takes a long ass time but he’s a good ‘throw shit in a pot’ kind of guy. shit is probably fire. I see him doing it when stressed maybe.

donut: all talk. great baker great mixologist never get him near a stovetop because he is starting a grease fire. even when he does cook a good dish it only looks really nice and tastes mid

lopez: honestly I’m not sure. im thinking a lot of simple meals with not a lot of spices cause he can’t. taste. but he sees them add like salt after and he’s like Oh Ok So you don’t like it. and spices it the fuck up. honestly might be the best cook of them because of versatility. he just downloads a shit ton of recipes once and never again

doc: everyone gets this but the Worst fucking healthy options Ever. to an absurd level

kai: she keeps fucking making infused foods and leaving them out. simmons had a weed brownie it was an experience. she’d make those ‘battery acid’ tiktok drinks go into a sugar high and pass out

locus: every time they have a cookout he brings a huge pot of mashed potatoes and gravy. no one knows where he gets it or when he has the time to make it. no one asked him to bring food

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I’m gonna be honest I don’t understand how people can be hazbin hotel fans and just know everything vivziepop has done and dont care or they choose to pretend they dont know so they dont have to feel guilty about it. Shocking news, you can be INCREDIBLY critical of media you enjoy parts of. I enjoy parts of this show but I’m not going to go buy shit to watch it and support some random lady using a closed religion to make her tumblr sexyman character look “scary”.

I saw someone say vivziepop misgendering someone (allegedly on accident) after getting mad, was a “nothing sandwich” which 1. No the fuck it aint. And also 2. Are you actually off your rocker nuts. I don’t give a fuck if it was an accident heat of the moment thing. Sure you can apologise for that, not me who you misgendered so I cant accept it, but misgendering anyone is never a “nothing sandwich”. Same guy also said that vivzie demonising and appropriating vodou was okay because “Alastor can do it” That… doesn’t fucking matter? VIVZIE can’t practice vodou and neither can her weird red suited deer man, sorry to burst your bubble.

I think everyone thats scrolled even a few inches on my blog (cause really thats all I have) can tell I like Angel Dust. Lots of people like Angel Dust. But apparently half of those people can’t comprehend you can dislike aspects of a character while liking other ones. I mean this directed toward fans by the way. Id sure as hell prefer if he wasn’t fucking fetishised for being a gay man but its vivziepop so literally what can I expect from the lady that makes merch glorifying his abuse. “Yes vivzie! Id love to purchase merch of a traumatic situation ive also been in! Thank you so much for making it look pretty!” I will literally eat glass and drink battery acid before any of this shit actually comes outta my mouth.

It’s so fucking weird how her spin-off show has better representation, humour, writing, and more than her actual main show. Im super glad Helluva Boss is good. Im glad there isn’t any stupid racist representations in there or overly fetishised gay men. Fizzaroli and Ozzie are a cute couple thats written very nicely but even they have elements of vivziepops unsavoury interests that you can see sometimes, but oh my god. Put some of that care into your MAIN show. I am holding out so much hope that vivzie continues the good writing of episodes 7 & 8 so much I am not going to stop noting that, but I am also fully ready to crash and burn from those hopes and that is so fucking disappointing.

[stinkypeanutbutter]

silly Aiden headcanons because I have no impulse

i probably already done these before in other headcanon posts I made but ermm I’ll do it again 😹

small TW for scars at the end 🗣🗣

AIDEN :

Aiden has the most unhinged playlist ever like oh my giggly goodness we got metal we got rock we got classic we got indie we got pop we got vocaloid Idfk whatever you can think of ( same 😹 )

totally had an immense phase of just everything . Creepy pasta , animation , FNAF , idk any other phases from 2016 help

Probably dated like once or twice , but they weren’t serious at ALL and mostly online . He just said yes because he wanted to be nice since he never really had friends ofc , so why hurt someone you barley know if it means getting a friend ? ( I’m gonna explode 😭 )

I’m not sure when this was actually invented , but he’d probably try and convince everyone to make battery acid candy drinks . ( they all say no 😔 )

Sorta sad headcanon they if no matter how hard to tries to solve a difficult puzzle , and he fails , he just starts silently bawling his eyes out . Cause you know he’s really good at them right ? He can solve them pretty quickly ? So if he’s like absolutely pressured by a bunch of people watching expecting him to win ( or like his friends cause yk they believe in him !!!! ) and he can’t solve the puzzle he’ll be like “ why can’t I solve this why is this hard why am I failing “ or something and then start crying ig ( Yeouchers angst 😿 )

Bro is the heaviest napper ever you can stack things on him for HOURS but the moment he actually sleeps most things can wake him ( if he’s not comfortable at least . He’ll sleep pretty well at sleepovers )

I can’t figure out an art style for him but I updated it so ignore that last drawing it’s grody anyway he sometimes draws people but prefers just random splotches of color . He has extremely stylized art but yk , it’s just ‘ weird ’ according to some people since it’s really . . graphic . Not in a BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD way but very mixed ( if you get what I mean )

Hugs everything when he sleeps you can’t tell me otherwise like you seen his old bed ?? He had NOTHIN so absolutely is he gonna cuddle everything near him

Hates competing . ( idk if he did it before but we’ll see ) like he doesn’t like doing puzzle competitions anymore that much , he just got bored of it and was really kinda forced to do it when he was younger . BUT if it’s in a game against his friends , he’ll probably do it just to help them out cause they always get stuck if Logan can’t figure it out either .

Does that thing with music where If it absolutely hits he just starts spazzing out and dances to it

that one thing where he walks around in a circle talking to himself if he’s really deep in thought ( he could go on for hours so someone has to pull him out to drink water at least )

TONS of posters in his room

Him and Taylor binge shows together , often ask the others to join when they aren’t busy . They totally watch anime ( Tyler calls it childish then gets really invested in uhhhh let’s say full metal alchemist and sport animes like haikyuu or something I can’t think of any he’d like . But I’m gonna make them all watch Ghost stories because it’s funny )

Aidlyn cuddling is mostly done at Aidens house cause his parents rarely go up to check on him ( 😅💥 ) and also he had a ton of blankets for Ashlyn to wrap herself in . He got her a heavy weighted blanket for her birthday one time so when that’s not around she just uses Aiden as a blanket if she’s feeling affectionate ( he’s warm in the winter time and pretty light believe it or not )

Has a medium spice tolerance , eats more then what he can handle like a stinky loser

doesn’t like anyone pointing out his growing hair roots so just don’t talk about it much 😅😅

steals chopsticks from restaurants cause who needs to buy any ??? They’re free if you don’t get caught / hj

sometimes just locks himself up in his room and lays in his bed thinking about life

LOVES drawing his friends ( especially Ash ) in his free time because he rarely draws in front of people , and will make an airplane out of it to throw it over to them . But he has that mentality where “ Everyrhing I make kinda sucks “ so expect to find doodles in the trash or hidden in his room

IPad kid , can’t tel me otherwise .

Loves hover boarding but he kinda sucks at it so he just 🧍🕺☠️ ( falls )

Will ram into everyone in bumper cars , almost sent someone flying ( Lilly , he bought her candy as a sorry )

rarely catches cavities because he actually has really strong teeth and willingly bites down on hard candies ( I do the same thing because I’m impatient 😹 )

Does all his school work at home cause school has too many distractions ( real )

Buys like body foundation to smear onto his legs and arms . He doesn’t want anyone to point out them out , and if they do he just tells them their from skateboarding . It can come off after a few days if he doesn’t reapply , but it’s fine since he does it again in between and would have to reapply anyway . Idk how it works 😿

Anyway who shall I do next ????? Put your answers in the comment section below subscribe like and support my Patreon see you in the next video 😹😹😹☝️☝️💥💥

[thelazybard]

Instead I Pour the Milk [Alejandro Vagras x fem!Reader] Chapter 9: Girls’ Night

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

ao3 saw it first

It was awkward seeing Alejandro that day after such a sexually charged dream about him the night before. You tried not to think about how he sounded grunting your name each time he spoke or looked at you as he sat in his normal spot at your counter.

"Are you okay, hermosa?"Alejandro asked you as you served him his breakfast.

You chuckled. "Y-yeah, I think I might have just had too much caffeine." You lied, having a chai latte at most that day.

David approached the counter. "Hey Scout, what's an English six letter word for a mask?"

You sighed dryly as you stirred peppermint syrup into a freshly made mocha latte. "Facade."

He shook his head. "Nope, that can't be it."

"Then veneer."

"Oh, I think you're right! Thanks."

"So my English Literature degree was good for something." You muttered as you set the freshly prepared drink in front of Alejandro. "Okay, try this one."

Alejandro picked up the cup and took a sip big enough to coat the flavor on all his tastebuds, then smiled. "It's good. Minty. What did you say this was again?"

"A peppermint mocha. Is it really good?"

"It is." He nodded.

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully. "Are you lying?"

He laughed. "No, hermosa! Why would I lie?"

You smiled and shrugged. "It's just that you've said every drink so far has been good. I expected at least one to be lousy."

Alejandro looked at the row of cups on the counter filled with samples of your holiday drinks. "Maybe you're just a really good barista." He shrugged.

"Well, you're a really good taste tester." You winked. He chuckled and looked away almost bashfully..

The truth was that Alejandro should have been the last person to be your taste tester. He was far too biased and thought everything crafted by you was delicious. You could have served him battery acid and he'd tell you it was great.

A week had passed since your one-sided scuffle with Roberta. David was working at the shop full time now, and was supposed to be working on making "Help Wanted" posters since you were finally in the position to pay employees. But he seemed too wrapped up in today's crossword, and it was beginning to piss you off.

He poked his head around the corner. "Hey Scout?"

You stopped him by holding a scolding finger up. "If you're not asking me how to spell "help" or "wanted" I don't wanna hear it."

"Oh come on! Just one more answer and I'll be done with this English crossword. Another word for a singular diamond that's also the name of a card game?" He said while offering an uneasy smile.

You shot him a dirty look then looked at the brown tabby that jumped onto the counter. "Oye! Momo, off the counter, we've talked about this."

Guillermo looked at you, remaining unimpressed while reaching out to push Alejandro's glass of water off the counter. He quickly grabbed his glass and moved it to the other side of him with an amused grin on his face.

"Bad kitty! You stop trying to bully Alejandro!" You commanded with your hands on your hips. Alejandro loved it when you struck that pose, though you typically did it when you were irritated.

Guillermo got the idea in her feline brain that she no longer liked Alejandro the more she saw him around. Even after he installed a cat door in your apartment's front door so she could come down to the café whenever she wanted. She constantly tried to test his patience and knock over whatever he was currently eating or drinking. Only him, too. She never bothered any of your other customers, aside rubbing against their legs when they'd beckon her over.

"Do you not like me anymore, Guillermo? Hm?" He asked sweetly, reaching out to let her smell his hand. She turned her nose up at him but quickly leapt off the counter when she heard you grab the spray bottle from under the counter. She trotted off past David in the direction of the loft stairs.

"I don't know what's gotten into her." You thought aloud.

"It's because Alejandro is taking all your attention from her. Now you see why I don't like cats. They're spoiled little brats." David said.

You turned the spray bottle on David, squirting him a few times right between the eyes, and he flinched and held up his hands. "Hey what the hell!?"

Alejandro whistled. "Nice shot, vaquero." He purred.

You attempted to ignore how that praise made you feel. "Solitaire." You stated.

"What?" David asked while wiping his face.

"Both a word for a singular diamond and a card game."

"Oh. Thanks." He turned to sit down and fill in the word in his puzzle.

Sighing, you wiped the counter down where Guillermo once sat and returned to your work. David eventually found the strength to make the help wanted posters and Alejandro had to leave soon after he finished his breakfast. As you rung him up, you presented a proposition that had been dancing in the back of your mind all day.

"Hey, I actually wanted to ask you something. So, with David working with me now I haven't been as busy and tired these days so I was thinking we maybe... Fulfill that date you asked me out on?"

Alejandro's face lit up with both suprise and joy. "Oh I'd love to, hermosa." He said genuinely, a toothly grin stretching across his face as he placed a hand on yours.

"How's tonight sound?" You asked eagerly, placing a hand over his and rubbing it affectionately.

Alejandro winced. "Oh, but not tonight. I have... previous plans." He explained, seeming dodgy about it. You didn't think too much of it, you hardly even noticed to begin with.

Instead, you nodded. "Okay, don't worry about it then. Are you free next Friday?"

"That I am."

"Friday then. But it's still your date you're taking me on, so you have to ask me." You said, poking his chest.

He chuckled. "Understood, hermosa."

You winked at him then handed him his receipt and turned around to start a new pot of coffee.

Later that day, maybe an hour after lunch time, Eva returned to the shop. Her and David's relationship was hard to read, so you didn't read into it at all. The important thing was they both seemed happy with whatever they had. She came to the apartment a few times since the Zoo trip, but her and David's visits typically took place at her own home since she lived alone and they weren't particularly... quiet.

"It's great to see you, Eva. How's work?" You asked.

"Fine, if not a little boring with David gone." She said, playfully sticking her tongue out at your cousin who was refilling a sugar container.

"You're lucky I'm on the clock, or else I'd give you a kiss." He threatened her.

"How dreadful that would be," Eva said sarcastically before turning back to you. "So how's work been for you, Scout? I heard about you and Roberta. That's insane! Did you press charges?"

You waved your hand. "Nah, it was handled fine without. Besides I haven't seen her since, I think Alé may have said something to her."

"Well of course he did, she assaulted his woman." Eva smirked.

You snorted. "Alright, let's not get crazy. Me and Alé are friends!"

"Friends that have kissed." David said loud enough for you and Eva to hear, plus maybe a few closeby customers.

Your head snapped to your cousin and grit your teeth. "David Ferdinand Brown, not so loud."

"Your middle name is Ferdinand?" Eva asked before stifling a giggle.

"Thanks, Scout. You look just like your mom when you do that by the way." He said with a glare.

You ignored him, as you often did then turned to his lover. "Did you want me to get you something, Eva?" You asked.

"No thanks, I actually wanted to know if you'd join me and my friends tonight. We made reservations for four at this really nice restaurant but one friend flaked last minute. We still have the spot available if you wanted to come with." Eva explained.

A girl's night? You haven't had one of those since you left your home town. David was looking at you like you should take the opportunity, and you agreed.

"When?" You asked.

"We plan to meet there at 8. I can pick you up." She offered.

You smiled. "That would be great Eva, I'd love to go out with you and meet your friends."

"Great! You'll love them and they'll love you. Wear something nice, it's a semi-fancy restaurant." She explained, picking her purse up from the counter to signal she was about to head out.

"I know just the dress. See you later!" You waved then turned to David. "Did you know she was going to ask me out with her and her girls?"

He shrugged. "She may have texted me asking if you'd be interested, so I told her to come by and ask you herself."

You were grateful he left it up to you rather than just volunteering you like he did with the Zoo, but you would have probably been happy to go out to dinner regardless. After work you raced upstairs with less than two hours to get ready. Your dress was black and just barely reached your mid thigh. You styled your hair and had just finished accessorizing when Eva texted you that she was downstairs. David came with you to her car to give her some overdue kisses before letting the two of you go.

Despite it being a girl's night, your mind couldn't help but wander back to Alejandro every now and then. You wondered what his previous plans were. If they were casual or for work, when he'd be done, if he'd text you at all tonight. All thoughts of him ceased when you reached the restaurant and met Eva's friends out front.

You were nervous at first. First impressions are important afterall, and you wanted Eva's friends to like you. Luckily, they seemed to think you were just fine. They complimented you on your hair and various parts of your outfit before you all went inside and sat down at your reserved table. After the waiter got you drink orders, he walked away and allowed you all to talk among each other.

"So you own that one coffee shop now, right? I've been meaning to go down there and check it out myself but it slips my mind." The woman you learned to be Renata said.

Renata and Camille were Eva's friends. Both seemed nice enough as the night progressed, nice enough to accept a stranger on one of their girls' nights. You didn't know if you would have done the same, but you were grateful that they did.

"She's got a nice little thing going on," Eva said, nudging you.

You smiled. "Thanks, Eva. I'm glad you think so."

"Oh, I know so! I dunno how you ran that shop alone before David started working there full-time. If it was me I would have probably fainted after more than like, three customers at once." Eva joked.

You shrugged. "It's easier than it looks. You just have to pace yourself and come up with a good routine. And wake up really early."

"With all due respect, hell no." Camille said, making the table erupt in laughter.

Later, after more idle talk about each other's work life and interests, your entree's were placed in front of you.

"So what's with you and Sergent Vargas?" Camille asked halfway through dinner. Ah, there it was.

Your face grew hot. It was only a matter of time before someone brought it up, you realized that, but with the recent developments in your relationship with the Sergent you found yourself more bashful about it than normal.

"Oh, me and him? He's a good friend of mine." You answered truthfully. If nothing else, he was a great friend. Even if you didn't know what else the two of you were just yet. You knew he liked you, but to what extent you weren't sure.

"Girl, don't lie. Everyone knows something is going on between you to. The women at my job hate you." Renata admitted.

You giggled at that reveal, not surprised one bit. "Okay, so maybe he's asked me out on a date and maybe we've... kissed."

Camille and Renata tried to contain their joy while within the building but it was clearly an exciting topic for them. "That's great honestly. You are honestly so much better for him than Valeria." Eva commented.

"Is she really that bad?" You wondered.

"Girl, yes. She did him dirty, but I'm sure he'll tell you all about that if he hasn't already." Renata said.

You blinked as you thought about it. "He's actually... Never mentioned her."

"No? I can't say I blame him. Their breakup was pretty explosive. It was the talk of the town until you showed up." Eva said.

The notion was in the back of your mind as you ate your dinner. Despite it being a restaurant you'd never been to, it had plenty of things you enjoyed to choose from on the menu, it was almost overwhelming because you didn't know what to try first but eventually decided on something not too expensive in case you hated it. Only, you loved it.

Halfway through your meal you felt a strange urge to look at the couple that walked by your booth and sat at a table within your peripheral vision. Of course it's impolite to stare and be nosey, even in public, so you ignored it at first. Why would you even look in the first place? Maybe it was the woman's dress or the man's symbol on his cufflink that beckoned for your attention.

The urge was beginning to become deafening until finally you glanced at them before taking a double take so hard the other women at the table noticed and looked in the direction you stared.

You easily recognized Alejandro, and would have been fawning at him in a suit more than you already were subconsciously if he wasn't sitting across from a woman you'd never seen before. Sister? Cousin? Friend?

Eva narrowed her eyes. "Is that–?"

Camille gasped. "Holy shit. He's with Valeria."

Oh.

Oh.

So that was Valeria.

She was beautiful. Positively stunning, you could understand why he'd be with her. But now? Why on Earth would he be with her now?

She laughed at something he said, and your stomach churned as bile rose into the back of your throat and your cheeks caught fire.

So this is why he couldn't come out tonight.

"Scout..." Eva said softly while resting a supportive hand on your shoulder.

Remaining calm, you reached into your purse and pulled out the cash needed to pay for your portion of the check as well as a tip. "I'm gonna catch a cab home. Thank you for having me, ladies." You said with a trembling voice.

They understood and didn't try to protest for you to stay. Anyone in your situation would want to be as far away from their offender as possible, right?

Unfortunately for you, you had to pass them to reach the nearest exit.

You couldn't leave through the entrance, that would be frowned upon at such a nice restaurant and despite your predicament you wanted to keep up with your appearance. You weren't just Scout anymore, you were the café lady, someone who people now came to when they needed their spirits lifted. How mortifying would it be to be seen storming out a restaurant in tears?

Standing up, you put your purse strap on your shoulder and tried your best to nonchalantly pass the couple by, doing everything in your power to not look.

Too late, you looked at her.

Sclera pink, you looked at Valeria as you walked past and now they were both aware of your existence in the establishment. She looked at you up and down before almost smirking and looking at Alejandro whose face was drained of all color at the sight of you.

You looked at the door exit when they were no longer in sight. Just a few more steps, you thought. Then you can let it out.

It was when you heard Alejandro's chair groan from him standing up that you dashed the last three feet out of the restaurant.

Your heels were pounding the sidewalk as you wiped hot droplets off your cheeks. The cold autumn air bit you where your tears fell, sending a shiver down your spine and provoking a sob out of you.

You covered your mouth as you reached the street and heard your name being called behind you seconds later. "Scout! Mi vida, wait!"

"Please don't follow me." You pleaded calmly as you searched the road for a free taxi.

Alejandro called you by your real name this time. "Don't go, just listen to me."

You turned around when you heard him getting too close for your liking. "Alejandro stop." You said sternly. Like the gentleman he was, he didn't try to continue after you told him not to. He stopped in his tracks, almost skidding.

He raised his hands. "Let me explain myse–"

To your delight, a taxi saw you waving it down and stopped for you. "I don't want to hear it, alright? I just need to be alone right now." You told Alejandro over your shoulder. Despite your anger, betrayal and grief, you were still as cordial as possible with him.

You climbed into the cab and slammed the door, Alejandro watching as it drove off with you and bringing his hand to his forehead before walking back in the direction of the restaurant.

Inside the cab was when you finally let loose after giving the driver your address. You leaned on your door and sobbed. Your phone was going off in your purse and you had half a mind to chuck it out the window, but instead you did your best to ignore it. The driver remained unfazed, you weren't the first person to sob in his car and you certainly wouldn't be the last. Instead he changed the radio to something a bit more calming and turned it up for you.

When you got home you took off your heels at the door and crept to your room where you sulked face first into your mattress. Guillermo got on the bed with you and put a paw on your back.

"You tried to warn me, Momo." You stated before crying into your pillow. She simply watched you before putting both paws on your back and kneading your skin.

An hour later David knocked at your door, completely unaware of your despair. "Hey'd did'ya bring any leftovers home? I burned dinner so I've been eating graham crackers." He said through the door.

He knocked again when you didn't answer the first time and you growled before shuffling to the door and ripping it open.

"I saw Alejandro at dinner with his ex." You stated. Your makeup was running and your hair was messy.

David's eyes widened before he shook his head. "Man fuck, I'm sorry. You wanna talk about it?"

You looked at your feet. "I'm gonna go to bed."

He rubbed your back before giving you space and walking away. "Goodnight Scout, we can talk about it later."

[autisticempathydaemon]

For the matchups /np <3

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

At the moment it’s Vienna by Billy Joel, ‘she’s always a woman’ is one of my favourites ever and Vienna just hits right as I feel like I’m behind a lot of the friends that I grew up with atm. (My fave parts are ‘you’re so ahead of yourself that you’ve forgot what you need’ and ‘ you can’t be everything you wanna be before your time’.

What is your Enneagram type?

I don’t know my enneagram sorry but I know my personality type is ENFP if that’s any help :)

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

Funnily enough he was a dog, like I used to just imagine I had a dog and he’d follow me around, sometimes he’d talk and sometimes he wouldn’t and he was named after ‘Balto’ from the animated movie.

What is your go to way to fall asleep?

I don’t really have one, I usually end up waking up not remembering falling asleep in the first place. I basically just wait until I’m tired enough for it just happen.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Although I wouldn’t like to change my first name, as I think it suits me, I did change my last name to my Grandma’s maiden name after she’d told me she was sad that she couldn’t keep it when she married my grandad.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

I feel awful about this one, but Guy. I don’t dislike him or anything but I’m also not necessarily excited when he gets an upload. I’m also not sure why, he just doesn’t hit the same for me as he seems to do for a lot of other people.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

Fantastic Mr Fox. I love it, I love the framing and the colours and the characters. They’re all very ‘human’ in different ways and the moment between Foxy and Felicity near the waterfall is so relatable I want to eat it.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

SO MANY. Like the entire D.A.M.N squad. I love all the characters and I don’t mind anger but if Damien directed it at me I’d get defensive and that wouldn’t make for a good couple. Gavin, I wouldn’t really like my partner flirting with other people, Huxley I enjoy hiking but simply can’t picture myself dating him because he’s with Damien etc etc

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

The signal for me being tired is actually that I go very quiet/ not talkative. But if I was to ramble about something it would probably just be about things that had happened irl, old funny story’s and stuff (or whatever fandoms I’m in at the time depending on who I’m with).

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Red Bull. Always Red Bull. 🧎🏻

Extra’s: My favourite colour is green. I love movies, reading/writing and animals. I’m a Libra. My love languages are acts of service and physical touch but again, depending on the person.

Thank you!

As always, I love it when I am given so much information to work with! You seem so lovely and agreeable, it’s hard to think with whom you wouldn’t work well. Somehow, the “loving animals” bit convinced me, because what’s better for an animal lover than our beloved beta boy who can turn into a wolf on a whim?

Asher strikes me as the type of guy who works best with someone like himself. He works well with everyone, by his nature, but you and he would have so many similarities that being together would be wonderfully easy. It’s the big things like your extroverted natures and your compatible love languages. Yet it’s also the little things like your shared love of hiking and caffeinated battery acid (I say affectionately as a Strawberry Apricot Red Bull fiend).

You’d be the sort of couple who operate like well-oiled cogs of a machine, like one of you was a telepath, that’s how naturally you communicate and maneuver around each other. It’s a wonderfully comfortable, joyful life that the two of you have. There’s lots of alternating days of him showing you Halo and you showing him new, interesting movies, countless lectures from David about y’all having to drink something not poisoned with taurine, and so, so much love.

Song:

I confess, I messed up/ Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around/ And I know you're dressed up/ Hey kid you'll never live this down/ You're just the girl all the boys want to dance with/ And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances

I’ve just got to give the boy a FOB song, you must understand; I also think it’s a really fun choice for y’all. I love the movie references, the fun, boppy tempo, the dramatic, theatrical way Asher would fall to his knees on the kitchen floor as he belts it out at you in true, emo kid fashion. It’s infectious, and you would be helpless to either sing or headbang along.

Runner-ups:

This was hard. Again, I feel like you could pair well with just so many people; narrowing it down to two was an ordeal. In the end, I like Anton for you because you two contrast in a lot of the ways you and Asher compare. Also, I chose Sam as a runner-up for you because you two hiking together would be really cute. Also, You/Sam is giving kind of David/Asher but in another font, and I love Dasher /lh

note: thank you so much for waiting 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[fandomsandassortedgoods]

Came across my old post again on Woody or Buzz taking a hit for the other and Buzz being even madder if Woody did because Buzz is sturdier than Woody and saw some thoughts on it actually being the other way around in the notes, so why not I’ll think aloud here.

While Woody is an older toy that’s probably made of higher quality materials given his age and the condition of his body, I don’t think that will make that much of a difference compared to the stiffness of plastic. I think when it comes to vulnerability, it really depends on the type of physical damage they sustain.

Sharp object thrust at Woody? Impaled. At Buzz? Some chips of his paint and marks in his plastic. Though you could argue it would be easier to repair Woody from that kind of damage than Buzz (sewing vs... idk, don’t even know how they ‘fill in’ chipped plastic), Woody would still be the one in danger of easily being ripped apart so badly he either dies from the injury or can’t be put back together again properly. A sharp pencil, scissors, a knife, any object that can pierce or cut is a huge danger for stuffed toys. Buzz wins here.

Now let’s consider ‘blunt’ damage; think impact from a fall, an object, a fist, etc.  In the first film, Buzz’s arm flies off when he tries and fails to fly, slamming into the floor. However, it seems his arms are able to come off naturally, as he easily reattaches it again. However however, that was a pretty short fall: a high drop might make him explode into pieces, though it also depends on the type of plastic he’s made of. Even if he survives the fall, his internal speaker system might be totalled, his helmet could shatter. Woody’s speaker might also be vulnerable to that kind of blunt impact, but he should take that damage much better being mostly cotton. Woody (likely) wins here.

Burns are a bit trickier. Fire might be the great equalizer for toys: very few can withstand burn damage unscathed. Both Woody and Buzz can be severely damaged and killed by fire. But who is hurt faster? It’s not in the cowboy’s favour here. Fire will eat through stuffing and fabric like that. Plastic needs to reach a certain boiling point before it begins melting. Though Woody’s head and hands seem to be made of vinyl (?), a superior form of plastic. So his body might burn up long before his head does... which is kinda horrifying. Even if the parts were made of plastic, they would still last longer than his body. Buzz would take longer to melt overall. I doubt his minor electrical parts would cause any internal explosions, but his batteries would melt and create acid. Buzz would have suffered longer in the incinerator, stuck watching his friends die horribly... Oof. Buzz wins here, but it’s bad for both of them.

The final category I’ll look at isn’t a type of injury but repairs. Who is easier to fix after sustaining damage? We’ve seen Woody be repaired before. Though it takes some precision, if you can sew, you can probably patch up a rag doll. Lost or damaged stuffing and threads can be replaced and made anew; you might not even notice if you match up the colours just right. The materials needed shouldn’t be too pricey. Fixing a plastic action figure looks trickier. Buzz’s arms can come off, but only from the joints at his shoulders. If they snap at say, beneath the elbow, that can’t be just put back in. Strong hot glue might work, but you might have to play with him gentler to be safe. Replacing plastic that’s just gone is harder. 3D printing maybe? But in that case, a parent would probably just buy their kid a new one instead. Fixing Woody’s vinyl/plastic parts might also be a challenge. Overall, I’d say Woody is easier to fix.

So all in all, it would depend on the damage one is saving the other from. ‘Taking a hit’ usually implies blunt force, so Woody would probably take it better than Buzz would. But if this hit is a sharp object, Buzz would take it better. And neither wants to be hit by a fireball, but Buzz would have more time to extinguish before serious damage occurs. Either way, they’d both be pissed at the other for being the big hero. Thank you for reading this trivial post.

[zenoiredottore]

Hoyofam at home – brainrot headcannons

ZZZ

a baby

is currently being potty trained

Likes to help with the more pleasant chores

Starting to grow silver/gray hair like wise

Hogs the big screen tv and forces everyone to watch starlight knight with them.

T O Y  G U N S

NOT an ipad kid,, more of a tv kid since they like watching movies sm

The coolest kid's room you will ever see. there are a lot of toys and plushies

Diaper only type kid at home

L O U D

Has a robot nanny that’s just kinda there cuz SR thought it’d be cool

an entire crew dedicated to clean up after him

Spends a lot of time with their siblings, often getting to play with new products

Makes a huge mess when eating

Has its own art studio, fridge-worthy pieces of art  

DO NOT let into your room if you have action figures/plushies.

Very fascinated by computer stuff.

When they grow up they’re going to be the designated tech guy of the fam.

Themis:

Prettiest room

The largest closet and bathroom

Has both a work desk and a vanity.

Has those curtain thingys on her bed [princess bed]

Very colorful but it’s mostly pink and white

Has a couple of shrubs

Make up and skincare galore

Likes baking and the kitchen always smells good

Softest bed ever

Has a seating area by her window, like sofia the first’s

Likes to go shopping with Hi3

Reuses luxury packaging like reusable plastic bags.

Often uses said packaging as trash bags

Sleeps like aurora [perfect hair, perfume, back flat on the bed]

Likes to put food and cleaning products into their own cute containers [she’s just that girl]

Hi3:

Room’s a bit messy

Wears glasses at home [like the thick framed red ones]

Grandma fit [Bestidas with the fuzzy slippers]

Eats ALLAT

The gym is her sanctuary  

Can lift the most weights out of everyone

Zero percent brain cells when at home

She works out in her bestidas lolol

“Don’t talk to me before I have my coffee:p” Ahhss…

I like to think that she’s supposed to be retired but she keeps getting called to the office

Spends her days relaxing [cuz god knows kiana needs rest and so does hi3]

Has motivational quotes framed and hung in the hallways, themis always takes them down.

Second biggest closet

Spends a lot of time at her workshop designing mech suits as she pleases without the company filling down her creativity

Takes zzz to go visit the others at work

Long list of things she wants to do during retirement

Def doing a lot of “childish” activities [like lazer tag, bouncy castle, go karts, ball pits] because she felt like she lost a huge chunk of her childhood working. And when she got a bit of free time to have more fun she had to take care of genshin and themis.

Hangs out at the pool almost every day.

At home spa

Has this soap opera that she watches at 3 pm every day and ZZZ joins her.

HSR:

GAMER room

Has all the games you can think of [arcade, pc, playstation, mobile, you get it]

Mixes gamer food together…

Regularly makes battery acid

Doritos every where

His bed is levitated and under his bed is like a treasure trove of game stuff [merch,tapes,disks]

Doesn’t let housekeeping in, scared that something might break or get deleted.

Room STANK and STICKY

his closet includes multiple copies of the same thing, aside from meme shirts that he occasionally buys online somewhere.

Spends a lot of the money he earns on online games

Wears graphic themed video game underwear

Has a claw machine in his room that he can’t get prizes off of.

Games all night and complains about how he’s too tired to go to work

His shower is DRY

I like to think that even if he doesn’t shower often, he’ll still brush his teeth

Naps immediately when he gets home and repeats the entire thing, learning absolutely nothing.

Actually enjoys his job but there’s only so much energy drinks in the world for him

Likes designing new characters and kits

Absolutely loves his fanbase

Genshin:

Often gets to work earlier than everyone else

But if he feels like going with his siblings he’ll impatiently wait for them and yell n stuff

Doesn’t drink coffee believe it or not [only monsters can go to work at 5 am without having any caffeine and I think this fits him very much

Sometimes goes out for dinner alone when he’s planning on working extra time at the office

The best cook out of all the siblings. [things that genshin just does the best]

Doesn’t cook often but if someone asks him to make something he’ll get it right on his first try 80% of the time

Has a pet horse

Almost never at home

Business trips abroad often

Seeing him in regular casual clothes is like seeing a unicorn.

Probably has a skin condition where if he’s touching cheap fabric he’ll have skin rashes

Handles and prepares live sea creatures for dinner way too casually.

Once killed a live chicken that was running around the house by throwing a skewer through its head

Doesn’t like cleaning and will have the help pick up after him… he’s just snobby like that

No social life outside of work and business related matters

ZERO friends

Ig PJR is kind of a friend but they’re more so rivals

Every day is bring ZZZ to work day.

Sends ZZZ back home whenever they start getting sleepy

Works at the hoyoverse building, same with Themis and SR and whenever he finishes early he’d go hangout with them a bit

Doesn’t work out but does a lot of outdoor activities

Wishes he has more of an outdoorsy job

Regular movie nights and family vacations together

Always spend time with each other on weekends, all of them. Hi3 says that there will be zero working on weekends. But even when he’s not working he’s still wearing suits. [Genshin breaks this rule a lot]

Closet filled with suits!!!

Owns way too many watches that he never uses to tell the time

Fancy tie clip collection

The shoes are DAPPER

His perfume collection makes me jealous

God I hate this jerk sm

Never uses his phone to look at social media [he never listens to his fan’s opinions…]

[offbrand-deltatraveler]

You ever wonder why fan content of Deltarune’s future Chapters never really hits the same way as the real thing?

Like, no matter how accurate it can get to how things could go down in the original game, it always feels like something that you just can’t put your finger on is missing?

Or is that just me

If you are like me and do wonder why you feel that way, you’re in luck. Because what you’ve stumbled upon today an analysis post about it

Spoiler Alert: It’s not because of the ideas present in the Chapter 3+ take in question, nor is it because none of us are Toby Fox (Not directly, anyway)

It’s because we don’t add anything

—————————————————————————————————————

Not in the sense that we add nothing to the game’s story, considering we literally hand-craft the entire hypothetical story by ourselves. I’m talking about the… Revealed stuff, I guess

You know how in Chapter 1, when you check Asriel’s bed, the game console under it has two controllers? One official and one knockoff?

Originally, people thought the knockoff controller was used by Kris, and that this interaction was meant to further symbolize how the game frames them as a bit of a loser compared to Asriel. But it was actually revealed in Chapter 2 that this wasn’t the case. The knockoff controller was instead used by Asriel so Kris could have the real one

And you know how prior to Chapter 2, we didn’t have as much of an idea that Dark World food didn’t actually count as real food? We had that one Susie line to work with about nothing she eats there mattering, but it was more solidified once we saw that Kris ripped their Soul out to eat a pie because they were starving from how little they had eaten that day (And didn’t want us going outside to harass people in the middle of the night)

Or how, again, prior to Chapter 2, we had no clue that Berdly could’ve ever been into gaming? All we knew is that he was an asshole smart kid that likes to put Kris down about how much of a loser they are. He could never BALLIN’. Or so we thought

And or so we no longer think, now that 2 years later we’ve discovered not only that he and Kris are actually speedrunning rivals and that was just lighthearted banter, but also that he really was BALLIN’ after all, and that he and Noelle are a lot more than just one-time project partners

Something about Sans

You probably get the point by now, but in case you didn’t:

We don’t just add things

It’s because while we do do a lot of building in terms of Dark World stuff, that’s because it’s an unexplored Dark World. It’s new inherently, you can put literally anything you want in it as long as it follows the theme of that Dark World’s room. Unlike adding new Dark World characters, going wild as we explore the completely uncharted territory in front of us, everything we do with the characters we already have, Darkner or not, is ultimately based solely on that which we already know

Takes on future Chapters don’t have things like Catti & Kris’s occult studies, or Jockington’s zine. Or Noelle’s fear of mice or love for scary things. Or Queen sipping battery acid to the beat of the music after every text box (As well as Rouxls being her lamp). Third Dark World example (Hold On It Will Come To Me)

For whatever the reason may be, we don’t just make stuff up the way Toby does. We always either recycle old stuff or add references that are way too modern to be included in the real thing. And that’s why we don’t have that same “Literally anything could happen at any time” flair. Because anything can’t happen at any time, anything only happens in the times we know they’re supposed to happen

Not that you can really blame the makers of this fan content though, to be fair. It’s not something we really think about immediately and I’d imagine there are some concerns about how poorly some things might age, especially after what happened with Mike

Though I think the biggest contributor to that is how in the scene of future content, there’s just generally a lot of “This person is barely a character. Get outta here with that shit” instead of “Is there a reason this character would have a Dark World or fill this role?”. When talking about the future of a game who’s creator is famous for pulling complete 180’s, we can’t be shooting down ideas left and right because “Lmao this dumbass thinks Jockington will have a serious story”. We can’t be telling each other certain ideas are unlikely based on stupid things like “This character can’t be important! They don’t even have a unique text sound!!” or “This is a single door. Dark Worlds don’t appear behind single doors”. This kind of limiting logic just isn’t something the creator of the real thing would adhere to

Unless the person in question thinks that like. A character or version of a character that originates from UT’s universe affects DR in any way, or Rouxls is secretly Gaster and will betray you, assassinating Seam (who actually turned out to be the real Queen of Spades) as he transforms into The Angel in the secret 8th Chapter. Or anything else that either goes back on something Toby said previously or is just bad storytelling

But yeah, that’s why. With limited information comes limited results. Who’d’ve guessed /lh

And nobody’s to blame for that, it just is. That being said though, I’d hope reading this post has inspired at least one person to go crazy. Go out and like. Find this really insignificant detail and just add the shit out of that

Like be that one guy who made that theory that the kitchen could end up being an Undertale throwback in the Dark World. Unironically have Rouxls make Mac & Cheese in such a manner that nobody can stop him. Make the Yoshi Kris sacrificed for an extra jump a Secret Boss. Give Napstablook a tragic backstory. Include your wildest headcanon. The possibilities are almost endless

“I am cringe but I am free” and so forth

—————————————————————————————————————

I actually forgot I was terrible at ending posts for a sec

[lykegenia]

Like glitter And Gold Ch. 9

Fandom/Pairing: The Wayhaven Chronicles/ Nate Sewell x f!Detective Rating: T Warnings: None

Read on AO3

“You, uh, haven’t seen the paper yet this morning, have you?”

Leah glances up at Tina from the login screen of her desktop. “I never read it,” she says, suspicious. “The astrology column is the most accurate journalism in it. Why do you ask?”

“Oh…” Tina takes a swig from her coffee. “No reason in particular. Just –”

The desk phone starts ringing.

Still keeping a leery eye on her former partner, Leah plucks it from the cradle, but barely gets halfway through her name before the mayor starts shouting.

“This is an absolute disgrace! I gave you the benefit of the doubt last time because it was your first case, but if I’m to expect this lack of professionalism every time Wayhaven is faced with a crisis, it might be time to find a more competent replacement. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Um,” she says, eloquently.

“Yesterday you assured me that you were handling this case!” the phone line crackles as flecks of spit hit the receiver.

She learned in her first crappy job in customer service that the best way to deal with situations like these is to tune out the words and let the arsehole on the other end of the line wear down their batteries, so she waits. Deciding on sympathy, Tina creeps forward as if the mayor might realise she’s also in the room and slides a copy of the local paper into her line of sight.

And suddenly it’s very obvious what the mayor’s morning tirade is about.

Most of the front page is taken up by a photo of her and Nate sitting together on the bench outside the museum. Whoever took the picture – and she has a fairly solid guess – has caught the moment that he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear, the tender look in his eyes that even now as a distant observer makes her breath catch. They’re leaning close, intimate, smiling. She didn’t know she could look so sappy.

“Are you still there, Detective?” the mayor demands. “Detective!”

“I’m listening,” she lies. The headline below the photo reads FINDING LOVE: But where’s the murderer?

“Are you?” he shoots back. “This is unacceptable!”

She bites back her preferred retort. “I completely agree, sir. At some point I, too, would love to be able to find out about local news through some other medium than a loud phone call.”

“That is –!”

“My investigations are continuing,” she interrupts, “and they will do so without interference from my personal life, or from Bobby Marks, who – as I remember telling you only a few months ago – is not somebody I can control.”

She slams the phone back down without waiting for a response and has to draw a deep, calming breath in through her nose.

“That’ll probably come back to bite you,” Tina points out, with not a little bit of awe.

“I’m going to kill him.” It’s hard to think how else to deal with the vibrant, visceral anger locking her limbs into place. If she moves, she might fling all the stuff from her desk. “I’m actually going to wring his neck and dispose of the body in a vat of acid. I can’t believe even he’d be this – this – petty.”

“It says more about him than it does about you,” Tina soothes. “But even so… you and that agent of yours…”

“Don’t. It’s –”

“Babe, don’t you dare say ‘complicated’. He’s looking at you in that photo like he wants to eat you – which now I say it out loud feels kind of tactless.” A frown. “You know, considering.”

“It’s not relevant right now.” Leah bites it out, a poor substitute for explaining the need to keep Nate separate from work, the itch beneath her skin at having the two halves of her life crash together in such a public way. She knows why Bobby did this, knows it’s a move he calculated well because he knows her, and that galls as much as the photo itself. Nobody is meant to see her like this, exposed and doe-eyed as a tragic heroine, careless enough with her heart that a stranger could capture it on film. Even with the low res of a newspaper image, she can’t tear her gaze from Nate’s, the rich intensity of his eyes, the expression playing around his mouth – and it’s too much. Immense as the edge of a cliff.

“What new leads do we have this morning?” she asks, turning the paper over.

Tina watches her carefully for a moment before dropping her gaze to her notepad. “We have Seakirk’s phone records, finally. There’s a text from a withheld number sent very shortly before TOD, but the delightful person I spoke to at the phone company didn’t think we might want to un-withhold it, so I’ve asked for that to be chased up. In the meantime… Douglas had a strike of brilliance this morning.”

“Oh?”

“He’s decided to go back through the Swordfish’s CCTV from weeks ago to see if he can find anything while we wait, since Seakirk was a regular.”

Leah blinks. “That’s… a surprising amount of initiative.”

“I think you’re having an influence,” comes the teasing reply.

She nods, making a mental note to thank him for the good work, but it’s not something that’s going to offer immediate results. Between that and the phone company, the case is now a waiting game, dependent on other people to do their jobs. There’s nothing that makes her twitchier, especially when it means there’s going to be no distraction from how much she wants to throttle Bobby.

Except, there is one avenue that might have made progress. She’s already moving towards the door.

“Let me know if anything turns up,” she throws over her shoulder. “I’ll be –”

Nate almost collides with her, only managing to cushion the impact by slipping his hands around her waist. The unexpected wash of his scent makes the breath stutter in her lungs.

He smiles. “Careful.”

Her hands are braced instinctively against his chest, so close she has to tilt her head back to see him properly, the look in his eyes so like that in the photo that for a second it feels like she’s taken a blow to the head. There’s something more sombre in it, though, concerned, which she realises at the exact same moment that her face is flaming and that her office has filled with a heavy, dead silence.

“Sorry – didn’t see you there,” she manages. “I was just coming to see you about the journal.”

He gives her a long look. “I finished translating it this morning, but that’s… not entirely the reason I came here.”

Mortification wraps around her like a python.

Tina, sheepish, edges into her line of sight. “I’m going to go pop the kettle on. If I could…?”

They step to the side so she can squeeze through the doorway, Nate’s hands still settled on Leah’s waist as if glued to it, and once they’re alone he heaves a breath and turns his attention fully to her.

“I saw the article Bobby wrote,” he murmurs. “Are you alright?”

She drops her gaze. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“He shouldn’t have done what he did.”

“As if that’s ever stopped him.” She snorts. “Vindictive little shit. Why are you looking at me like that?” He’s frowning like he doesn’t believe her, like she’s easier to read than Russell’s book.

“I want you to feel you can talk to me,” he urges. “You can talk to me.”

“I’m fine.”

“Leah –”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she snaps, pushing away. “All of this, it’s…”

She turns and pulls the end of her braid over her shoulder, twirling the end in nervous fingers. In the absence of words, she lets loose a frustrated snarl, and Nate stands there watching her scrabble for purchase like a dog bracing its legs against the sides of an imminent bath. How he can be so placid, she doesn’t know.

“I’m not… good at this,” she tries. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I hate feeling so out of control.”

A frown draws down over his features, though if it’s worry or hurt, she can’t tell. “What do you mean?”

She shakes head, eyes squeezed shut, keeping the words crammed in her throat so that’s the only place they can sting.

“Leah…” he says, and steps closer.

“I knew something would go wrong.” Her knuckles connect with the desk, not quite hard enough to be a punch. “I – Can we just focus on the case? I don’t want to deal with anything else right now.”

When he doesn’t reply, she looks up to find him by the window, staring through the glass with his hands shoved into his pockets and a new stiffness in his shoulders as he tries to put distance between them. The frown has worked its way to the corner of his mouth, turning it down in a way she doesn’t know how to fix.

“Nate–”

The door bursts open again before he can answer. Douglas, his cheeks tinged an embarrassed pink, doesn’t look up from the floor as he holds out the printed photo in his hand.

“I thought you’d want to see this, Detective,” he explains, an awkward, apologetic cough in his throat.

The grainy image is a still from a CCTV camera with a timestamp about three weeks old, showing Russell Seakirk in the same corner booth he was sitting in the night he was murdered, only this time he isn’t alone. A blonde woman is seated next to him, one hand on his arm as he leans close enough to whisper in her ear. Even in the bad lighting, the identity of the woman is obvious.

“Gotcha.” Leah glances up. “Good work, kid.”

“Really?” Douglas grins.

“What is it?”

Her heart seizes as Nate comes to peer over her shoulder, but she disguises the slip as best she can by holding up the evidence for him to see. “Proof that Samantha Harris knew the victim a lot better than she wanted us to think.”

The clock on the wall reads 9 am, plenty of time to tackle the winding roads to the museum before it opens.

“I’m going to go talk to her again,” she decides, grateful or the escape, eager to be on the scent again. “I’ll meet you back at base?”

Nate blinks as she pulls on her coat. “Oh. If you’re sure?”

“Someone needs to tell Adam what’s going on.” She’s a coward. “It’s just going to be a quick chat.”

“Of course.” He flashes her a smile, but his shoulders are hunched, and his hands still sit deep in his pockets.

She tries a smile. “I’ll see you there.”

An instant passes. She starts forward with half an impulse to kiss him, to reassure him that she regrets the brittleness in his expression, but Douglas is still hovering in the middle of the room and the fear that she’ll make things worse tightens in her chest like ice. So she leaves. Her feet march her to the car and the key turns in the ignition and her hands grip the steering wheel as she fights back the prickle of heat behind her eyes. As she pulls in deep breaths to collect herself, a pair of elderly ladies pass on the opposite side of the low wall that separates the station car park from the street, and when one of them glances her way, it’s clear she’s been recognised. The pair huddle into conspiratorial closeness as they walk by, giggling behind their hands.

“Ah, infamy,” she gripes. “Just what I always wanted. Thank you so fucking much, Bobby Marks.”

She shakes her head and puts Nessie into gear; dwelling on it won’t help her solve the case.

--

She pulls up in the museum car park fifteen minutes before opening time, and catches sight of Samantha juggling keys and coffee in a to-go cup. The grumbling of the engine makes the other woman turn, and Leah’s seen enough petty vandals in her time as a beat officer to recognise the split-second reaction of someone wondering whether to run. But they’re on the headland here, with nowhere to go but the woods and a narrow strip of beach below, and despite her flat shoes Samantha’s flimsy office clothes would be no match for comfortable jeans and a pair of sturdy, heavy-soled boots. She decides to stand her ground instead of making a chase of it, offering a fawning smile as Leah steps out of the car.

“Detective! Our museum must have made quite an impression on you if you’re back again so soon.”

Leah waits until she’s within arms’ reach, just in case. “Why didn’t you tell me you and Russell Seakirk were having an affair?”

The smile falls, and with it, all colour drains from Samantha’s face. Beneath a careful mask of concealer and blush, the shadows of her eyes offer a stark contrast to the vibrant, artificial shade of her hair, and only serve to underline the delicate red threading of eyes that have gone too long without sleep. Her lip trembles as she tries to rally.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean,” she says.

“This looks like you, don’t you think?” Leah counters, unfolding the CCTV image from her pocket. “We also found a blonde hair on his body, just about the same length as yours.”

“My hair isn’t –”

“It is on the museum website.”

Samantha twists her lips together, her gaze falling to the photo for only the briefest moment before she shoves it back into Leah’s hands.

She slips it back into her pocket. “Think carefully before you try to lie to me again.”

Heartbeats pass, with the morning gulls wheeling overhead to catch the updrafts rising from the cliff.

“We met when he was researching the Pegasus,” Samantha admits eventually, caving under the weight of Leah’s patient stare. “He wanted to know about it. He noticed my surname and we started talking.” Something sour passes over her features, like a child petulant about being caught stealing sweets.

“He can’t have been the first to come treasure hunting,” Leah prods.

Samantha rolls her eyes. “Every so often some Indiana Jones type comes waltzing through, convinced they’ll solve the big mystery, but he was… different.” She frowns, troubled. “Before I knew it, we weren’t even talking about the wreck.”

“And you didn’t mention this before because…?”

Instead of answering, Samantha clutches tighter at her coffee cup, as if the warmth it offers might act as a shield between the question and whatever it is she wants to hide. A heavier hand might threaten an interview at the station, but aside from anything else if Leah goes back there now it’s likely Tina will be lying in ambush with an earful for how badly she handled the situation with Nate. She prefers patience, and the stare people have always found a little disconcerting.

“I broke it off,” Samantha says at last.

“When?”

A shrug. “He started talking about running away, starting a new life, how he was so close to getting enough to never have to worry about money again.”

“And you didn’t want that?” Leah guesses.

“What was I supposed to do, leave my job – my life?” She draws her jacket closer against the wind.  “He thought I’d just drop everything. He – it was just a fling. It didn’t mean anything.”

Leah decides to let it go. “How did he take the break-up?”

Another, more defensive shrug. “He was fine. Maybe a little upset, but he was fine. We went our separate ways.”

Old Detective Reele kept a list of questions for revelations like this, when a person of interest changed their story and the facts had to be teased out from the mess of poor memory and deliberate misdirection. There had never been much call to use it in a town where tacky lawn ornaments were considered serious crime, but he was thoughtful enough to include it in the rushed orientation Leah was given with her promotion. As she works through them all – Did you see him the day he died? What time? Where did you meet? – the answers get more agitated, until Samantha looses an angry huff and throws her arms up in frustration.

“Look, I really wish I could be more help, but I can’t,” she snaps. “We talked down in the woods beyond Hope Point, no one was around, and then we walked in separate directions. I spent the rest of the day at home. Alone, before you ask.”

“Where was your husband?”

She drops her gaze again. “He stays late at the boatyard sometimes. He drinks, he does it there so he thinks I won’t know.”

“Did he know about the affair?” Leah asks. It’s not the question she really wants to ask, but there’s no delicate way to shatter someone’s worldview, and Adam might pop a blood vessel if she tries.

In any case, the only response she gets is a sullen look, answer enough, and apparently resentful of being forced to thrust her husband into the role of prime suspect, Samantha retreats into the museum with her cup of coffee in her hand and an air of wounded dismissal haloed around her.

[crocswithoutsocks]

I’m here again with a little amendment to my list! As of the 1.9 update, there’s a new letter on the CEO’s desk that (among other things) outlines the menu for a cog banquet. This menu pretty much exclusively features foodstuffs not yet recorded on my list, so here I am doing my job and recording them. It's a little long, so the bulk of the post has been banished to under the cut! (again)

Coal-ombian blend oil - Okay, it’s still oil, but now we know it can be blended in different ways. I don’t know enough about oil to know if this is a reference to anything real, though.

Diet water - Number one, how are they making the water diet. Number 2, the diet water is intended for suits who can’t ingest the Coal-ombian oil. What does this mean. Can some suits not ingest oil? Is it all oil or just this type of oil specifically? Does Coal-ombian oil contain the mysterious allergen ‘red’? The lore possibilities are endless.

Banquet Roll - I, naively, assumed this was a bread roll. It’s actually a sort of disposable paper tablecloth. “Oh, so they’re using them to set up the banquet”, nah, battery acid is being offered as a spread. Bread rolls or tablecloths, they’re being eaten either way. I'm choosing to believe they're tablecloths because that's funnier.

Crude-itv platters - I believe this is a play on a crudité platter, which is a platter of raw vegetable slices typically served with dips. For cogs, these dipping sauces consist of mercury, gallium, caesium and rubidium. This probably also implies that there are more vegetables (or cog vegetable equivalents) than currently listed in the list, but since none specifically are mentioned that’ll have to remain speculation.

Wire Pasta - The wire pasta is specified as ‘high-voltage”. I assume that means “wires made to handle a high voltage” and not “wires that were conducting a high voltage while being eaten”. Also, cogs are made of wires, right? Are those different for the ones used for pasta, or… Anyway, plain tar (as opposed to ginger tar) makes an appearance here as a pasta sauce.

Okay, now this is literally the opposite of what I’m supposed to be making a record of, but I finally fought the CEO and I feel like I should note somewhere that cogs CANNOT drink root beer. Like that’s the one thing I’ve seen that’s a definite no for cog consumption. I don’t know if it’s all root beer, or whether the kind served at the banquet is a special “make cogs explode” type, but if I was a cog I wouldn’t risk it either way.

This next part isn’t related to the CEO at all, but I’ve been meaning to add it to the post for a little bit and it was too small to warrant an amendment all by itself. Buck’s cereal box (from the plush stretch goal fun pack) contains “artificially flavoured synthetic oat product with glucose shapes”. This confirms artificial flavourings, synthetic oats, and glucose.

It’s also worth a little mention that during the Brrrgh task line, you need to recover flavouring powder from a Big Wig and a “coin flavoured breath mint” from a Mint Supervisor. The fact that a big wig just happens to have flavouring powder on them implies it’s something cogs use in their food pretty regularly, I think. I've got do idea what's in it, though. The coin flavoured breath mint is a more solid thing, the mint supervisor would have definitely had that with intent to use it. The fact that it’s coin flavoured is interesting, maybe it’s not just Dave who likes to eat coins? That creates the question of whether cogs actually have mints in mint flavour, though. The fact that breath mints are called ‘mints’ implies that they do. Wait do cogs even have breath???

I feel like I’m forgetting something I meant to include here, but, eh, that can just go in the next amendment. For now, here’s the updated list, with new items in bold for your convenience:

Human safe foods:

Artificial flavourings, Beef, Beetroot, Blueberries, Bread, Bread-sticks, Breath mints (mint flavour), Broccoli, Cabbage, Carbonara, Cereal, Cheese, Cookies, Corn, Eggs, Fish, Ginger(?), Glucose, Ham, Ice cream, Jellybeans, Lettuce, Mushrooms, Onions, Pepper (the seasoning not the vegetable), Pie, Pineapple, Pizza, Salad, Salt, Sandwiches, Snow cones, Strawberries, Tomatoes (and derivitives ketchup and tomato sauce), Waffle cones.

Things humans should definetly not be eating:

Banquet roll (table cloth), Battery Acid, Breath mints (coin flavour), Caesium, Charcoal, Coal, Coins, Crispy steel bits, Crude-itv platter, Crude morsels, Crude Oil, Diamond dust, Extra Crude Oil, Gallium, Gas-infused triple-fried coal, Ginger tar, Kerosene, Mercury, Nuts and bolts, Oxalic Acid Patties, Petrol, Pine, Rubidium, Synthetic oats, Tar, Traffic cones, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly, Wires, Wood.

Beverages:

Antifreeze, Carbonated oil, Coal-ombian blend oil, Cogfee, Cold-a, Coolant, Diet Oil, Diet water, Gas, Juice, Ketchup(?), Oil, Slushies, SODIMM SOda, Soyl, Sparkling water/Seltzer, Water.

Things that cogs should not be eating:

Root beer

Unidentified:

red, Flavouring powder

What do cogs eat in Toontown: Corporate Clash?

I'm doing research for a fic and have been scrounging the wiki for this information so I thought I'd compile my findings as a nice organised tumblr post in case anyone else needs access to this very specific part of the lore. There's actually a lot more than I thought there would be! If I've missed anything, feel free to add! The definitive list will be way at the bottom of the post if you just want the cold hard facts.

Section A - Foodstuffs that have a lot of evidence pointing towards their consumption by cogs.

Oil - Massive evidence for this in both Derrick Man and the CEO battle. Heals suits in Derrek Man, and seems to be their preferred food given its literally the only thing being served at the banquet? Maybe more of a beverage than a food? Still makes the list either way. Different varieties of oil are also mentioned, including carbonated/seltzer oil (from the Director's Cuts ARG andHigh Roller's trivia questions) and crude oil (discussed further below).

Cogfee (Coffee) - Cogfee is mentioned all the time. There's promotional art of Chip promoting cogfee, and his secretary also requests a new cogfee machine in the April Toons ARG. Cathal and Brian have also both delivered/refused to deliver cogfee to Allan, respectively. The Toxic Manager also gives the Insider a cup of Cogfee in the Director's cuts ARG, and there's probably even more examples of cogs drinking cogfee that I haven't included here. It's also worth a mention that Jennifer's favourite drink is a soyl mechiatto, which I would have assumed to be the cog equivalent of a machiatto with soya milk, but the fact that High Roller's trivia question on the subject makes a distinction between soyl mechiatto and cogfee mechiatto makes me doubt that the soyl one contains cogfee at all. Alas, I don't know enough about actual coffee to be able to tell you if you can even make a machiatto without coffee.

Cookies - Most of the evidence for this comes either directly or indirectly from Belle. Evidence for suits eating cookies comes from Belle's interview notes, the 1.3 blog post, the comic with Flint and Belle baking, and the C.O.O's 2023 dialogue. These also provide other things suits can eat in the form of cookie flavours: charcoal, ginger tar and crude morsels. I don't know if ginger tar is ginger flavoured tar or a variety of tar called "ginger tar", so that's up for interpretation. As far as I can tell, all three seem to function as a chocolate chip substitute, but could also possibly be replacing things like fruit or nuts in the cookies. The only non-Belle-related cookie evidence comes from the Director's Cuts ARG, where the Middleman gives the Insider a plate of crude oil cookies. I assume the crude oil used in these is a different thing than the crude morsels in the C.O.O's cookies, and I can't really identify what crude oil is supposed to be a subsitute for food-wise since it appears multiple times in different contexts.

Sandwiches and assorted ingredients - Cathal eats a sandwitch halfway through his battle, and you can't really get evidence more definitive than that. The wiki says it's specifically ham and cheese, and looking at his renders I can see that probably. In the 1.3 key art, he's got a different sandwich that looks like lettuce and tomato, so from Cathal alone, bread, ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato can be added to the list of things suits eat.

Ketchup - This is really a subsection of the last category given tomatoes have already been confirmed, but Count Erclaim steals 'Chup from Rocky on multiple occasions (notably the 'Halloween Hater comic') and Cathal also has two bottles of it in his office. There are also a concerningly high number of ketchup bottles inthe Mozzerella Styx freezer. So... Ketchup. Interestingly enough, the ad for Mozzerella Styx on High Roller's website lists 'Chup as a drink, so maybe its a suit beverage? Sure, why not.

Water - The existence of the water cooler attack implies that cogs can and do drink water, and it's also listed as an available drink three times on Mozzerella Styx's menu, as 'water', 'dihydrogen monoxide' and 'corporate water supply'. They also drink sparkling water/seltzer/carbonated water, whatever you want to call it, since Jennifer asks where she's supposed to keep her sparkling water after Spruce takes a bite out of her desk, and seltzer is one of the available options in the Mozzerella Styx drinks machine.

Cereal - Dave buys 500 boxes of cereal in the April Toons ARG. The picture identifies the cereal as 'Oil-o-Flakes', but the description says they're 'corn flakes', soooo... corn confirmed? Maybe?

Pizza - You'd think this one would be easy, given the fact that literally the only cog owned restaurant is a pizzeria, but the fact that Mozzerella Styx is a front kind of raises the question of whether they actually serve food there. Either way though, Count Erclaim orders a "none pizza with left beef" in one of his monologues, and even if his pizza is a meme it's still a pizza, and Erclaim is still a cog that's probably going to eat it. Oh. Also beef then, I guess.

The sustenance page on the gopher version of cogs.ink gets a special mention because I forgot about it completely and then felt like I'd struck gold when I stumbled back upon it. Things mentioned on this page that aren't already on the list include:

Coal, petrol-marinated beet and diamond dust inside a sandwich called the 'Money Christo'.

Sides include crispy steel bits, extra crude oil and gas-infused triple-fried coal.

Coal again, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly and Oxalic Acid patties, all of which are considered breakfast (or, deskfast, as the page says) foods.

Carbon carbonara, made with only the finest eggs and crude oil (but what ingredient can be used in cookies and also in carbonara?).

Canned bread (WHY IS IT IN A CAN?) and kerosene dip.

Compressed fish

Strawberry Daigou, which is a dessert according to the description, and also contains the allergen 'red'. I didn't know suits could be allergic to anything until now.

SODIMM SOda

Section B - Things that I'm not certain on but I thought were still worth a mention.

Pie - Allan asks if the pies the toons are throwing at him "are imported blueberry", which implies that he's eaten both imported and non-imported blueberry pies before, to be able to tell the difference. Either that or he's been hit in the face so many times with both that he's now able to tell the difference, and he doesn't actually eat them. He can tell its blueberry though, which does suggest he's had those before and knows what they taste like. Given strawberries are already confirmed, its probably safe to say that cogs eat blueberries too.

Wood - Spruce, basically. He takes a bite out of Jennifer's table during his interview, says he's got at chomping trees in his personal statement and he's always got that log in his mouth. It's never really stated whether he actually eats the trees or just bites them, though. Also, eating trees feels very much like a Spruce thing, and not something any other suits would do. Like, they probably can eat wood, but would they want to?

Coins - Its mentioned in the cog building music backstage blog post that Dave ate 20,000 Cogbucks worth of quaters in the Cashbot mints. I'm confident this is a Dave exclusive thing and that no other cog would ever do this. I think.

Section C - Things that depend entirely on the validity of Mozzerella Styx as an actual cog restaurant.

Mozzerella Styx seems like it would be a veritable gold mine of information on cog food, but that actually depends on who Mozzerella Styx's target audience actually is. Mozzerella Styx's target audience is important because if they're trying to appear as a reputable toon resturaunt, then there's no gaurentee that cogs would even eat the things on their menu, as they would be toon foods rather than cog foods. The menu is weird though, since it definetly includes things that toons would never eat, like oil, which implies either that suits are intended to eat there or that whoever wrote the menu didn't know that toons can't drink oil. The menu does seem to be geared towards toons in some way, though, given the two 'toon drink here' options in the drinks section. Who are your target market, Mozzerella Styx??? And that's not even getting into if they even sell food there. The short with the two toons ordering a pizza implies that you can definetly order there, but the outcome of that short (the toons never getting any pizza) combined with the menu says 'pay upfront', 'product not gaurenteed' and 'no refunds' makes me incredibly doubtful that anyone has ever managed to successfully eat food from Mozzerella Styx (the fact that the toons are going here also suggests its a "toon" resturaunt. Or maybe they're just chill with going to a cog owned resturaunt? They definetly at least heard Styx over the phone). HOWEVER! The fact that the 1.4.0 patch notes say they're generating more money through pizza sales, combined with the (presumably paid for) ad on High Roller's website and the fact that they have actual pizza ingredients in the freezer makes me think that maybe they are actually running a resturaunt with real food on the side of all the money laundering? Perhaps? Either way, this big long ramble has acheived nothing, and I've got no idea if these foodstuffs are any more valid than I did at the start of it. Well then. If we're assuming that cogs do eat at Mozzerella Styx, for the sake of having more data, then everything on the menu can be added to the list. This includes:

Pineapple - The head huntin' hawaiian pizza, despite the pizza pictured under it not containing any pineapple, does make another appearance on a poster where pineapple is visible. There's no sauce, though. Why is there no sauce on this pizza. (Also, I'm going to remove pineapple from the 'Mozzerella Styx Clause', since Jennifer says in Buck's interview notes that he smells like pineapple, meaning she's eaten or at least smelled it before. Therefore, it's probably a valid suit food).

Nuts and bolts - The same poster with the hawaiian pizza also suggests you add [photo of nuts and bolts]. They aren't mentioned by name, but they sure are there!

New Year Cabbage

Salad - No idea what this salad contains, so I suppose every vegetable and other thing that could possibly be in a salad is up for debate. If you wanted to make it out of already confirmed salad stuff, it would probably be lettuce, tomato and beetroot.

Mushrooms - The picture of the aledgedly hawaiian pizza appears to have mushrooms on it, and mushroom pizza is also an option.

Broccoli - The alleged hawaiian pizza also has what I think is broccolli on it, and I really like broccoli so I'm adding it to the list.

Bread-sticks

Junior Executive Juice - I hope this is juice made for junior executives and not juice made out of junior executives

Ice cream cone - Not specified whether this is an ice cream cone as in 'its ice cream in a cone' or 'it's an ice cream cone with no ice cream'. I'll assume there's ice cream involved because it seems cruel to deprive these robots of ice cream.

Waffle cone

Traffic cone - I mean... it's on the menu?

Onions

Pine - Pine needles? Pine trees? Pineapples? We will never know

Jellybeans - I find it funny that these guys are just casually eating the toons' money. Maybe there's a difference between currency jellybeans and jellybeans for eating, but its still funny.

Soda Cold-a - The drink machine by the front counter actually provides a lot of new drinks that I'm specifically exempting from the 'Mozzerella Styx Clause' due to the fact that a) Toons definetly cannot drink half of this stuff and b) this drink machine for sure exists and probably does dispense all of these things. Available beverages not yet counted include antifreeze, diet oil, coolant, Cold-a and gas (which completes the C.O.G.S trifecta! Horray, suits can officially eat everything that C.O.G.S inc produces!)

Slushies - The slushie machine behind the counter appears to dispense slushy in flavours DRINK, Zap and BLUE. There are no cups present near this machine, only cones, which implies it could be a snow cone machine, but the ad on High Roller's website shows a cup with a straw labelled 'BLUE', so either they're drinking snow cone syrup or its a slushie machine.

Snow cones

Salt and pepper - There are salt and pepper shakers on all of the tables. Horray for seasonings! Why you would put those on a pizza I have no idea.

The List

Okay, I've probably missed something but here's my definitive list, colour coded, alphabetized and sorted for your convenience. Items in black are pretty much 100% confirmed, items in blue are speculative with not much evidence and items in green depend entirely on Mozzerella Styx's validity as a cog resturant.

Human safe foods:

Beef, Beetroot, Blueberries, Bread, Bread-sticks, Broccoli, Cabbage, Carbonara, Cereal, Cheese, Cookies, Corn, Eggs, Fish, Ginger(?), Ham, Ice cream, Jellybeans, Lettuce, Mushrooms, Onions, Pepper (the seasoning not the vegetable), Pie, Pineapple, Pizza, Salad, Salt, Sandwiches, Snow cones, Strawberries, Tomatoes (and derivitives ketchup and tomato sauce), Waffle cones.

Things humans should definetly not be eating:

Charcoal, Coal, Coins, Crispy steel bits, Crude morsels, Crude Oil, Diamond dust, Extra Crude Oil, Gas-infused triple-fried coal, Ginger tar, Kerosene, Nuts and bolts, Oxalic Acid Patties, Petrol, Pine, Traffic cones, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly, Wood.

Beverages:

Antifreeze, Carbonated oil, Cogfee, Cold-a, Coolant, Diet Oil, Gas, Juice, Ketchup(?), Oil, Slushies, SODIMM SOda, Soyl, Sparkling water/Seltzer, Water.

Unidentified:

red

All of these things can probably be broken down into their core ingredients, too, which would really expand the variety of foodstuffs on offer. Basically, cog food seems to be pretty similar to human food, just with a lot more metal and machine-stuff.

[darkx-the-dragon-kn1ght]

Chapter 11- Part 15

Azurill- no problem. Acid for the win! With the level advantage, being evolved, and STAB, this should be-

How did it live that, how did it live that, how did it live that, I know Acid’s not the strongest Poison-type move but still how did it live that-

Thanks for the luck, she might need it!

Also, we are not allowed to read the Gym sign. :( 

Now, we’re on the cusp of finishing, I think this is as good of a place to end off as any, but before that…let’s head back to the Pokémon Center real quick to check out something. More specifically, I wanna see what this new Egg’s all about, maybe figure out what it could hatch into.

…Oh, that is just straight-up a Remoraid, like it’s got the coloration and the markings and everything. I suppose there’s a small chance it could be Elgyem instead, the color also fits, but Elgyem’s line markings are shaped different, so-

Anyways! Now we’re gonna end off this chapter. Next time, we’ll probably finish up whatever other quests we might need, and then…I think it’ll be time to challenge a Gym. 

Thank you all so much for reading, for leaving comments (which I do see and read, even if I don't always directly reply to them), and again for being patient during the delay getting this part up- I can’t promise it won’t happen again, college is college, but rest assured, I’m always doing work on this in some form or another!

So until next time, everyone!!

CURRENT TEAM:

Riptide

Species: Croconaw

Gender: Male

Level: 22

Ability: Sheer Force*

Item: Quick Claw

Brave nature; Alert to sounds.

Breeze

Species: Pidgeotto

Gender: Female

Level: 22

Ability: Keen Eye

Item: None

Lax nature; Mischievous.

Glare

Species: Arbok

Gender: Female

Level: 22

Ability: Intimidate

Item: None

Naughty nature; Highly curious.

Whiskers

Species: Skitty

Gender: Female

Level: 22

Ability: Wonder Skin*

Item: None

Lax nature; Capable of taking hits.

Bloom

Species: Roselia

Gender: Male

Level: 22

Ability: Leaf Guard*

Item: Rose Incense

Docile nature; Alert to sounds.

Prong

Species: Charjabug

Gender: Female

Level: 22

Ability: Battery

Item: None

Rash nature; Loves to eat.

CURRENT BOXES:

NUMBER OF RELOADS: 6

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[thedeadofflandersfields]

Ukrainians: Some tips if you’re facing poison gas

It seems increasingly likely as the days go by that Russia may deploy poison gas in its invasion of Ukraine. They have already released a fake video in which Polish-speaking terrorists supposedly attack large chlorine tanks to blow them up. They may commit a false-flag operation.

I am not an expert on poison gas but as a World War One historian I’ve amassed a certain amount of knowledge about chemical warfare. I don’t know which chemical agents the Russians may use, so I’ll just talk about what I know. I can’t do much for Ukraine but maybe, just maybe, these tips may help someone if they end up in the horrifying situation of a gas attack.

Some general tips:

- Gas is about twice as heavy as air. This means it sinks. If gas is coming toward you, try to get to the closest high ground. Climb on top of a car, climb a tree, go to the top floor, whatever might get you above the drift of gas. After the gas has passed, avoid any low-lying areas or craters from shelling, as the gas may linger there for awhile. Obviously, it is best to be upwind of the gas in the first place, but of course this is not always possible.

- Do not try to outrun the gas. Gas is usually released when the wind is strong and steady. Not only will you end up remaining in the gas cloud for a longer amount of time as it keeps pace with you, but you will end up breathing hard and inhaling more gas. Instead, put your back to the direction the gas is coming from and tuck your head down toward your chest. Use your arms to shelter your face and squeeze your eyes tightly shut. If you have a sweater or blanket, drape it over your head. It won’t keep the gas out entirely but it can help minimize the damage. Breathe in and out through your nose and, if possible, try to silently recite a simple phrase, prayer, song lyrics, whatever that will help you keep your breaths steady and shallow.

- Gas can stick to you. After an attack, wash as soon as is possible and change your clothes. Do not touch your eyes. You may have tears streaming from your eyes and snot coming from your nose but don’t wipe your face until your hands are washed and you know whatever tissue you’re using is clean. Keep children from rubbing at their eyes.

- Do not drink or eat anything that was left out during a gas attack. It could cause severe damage to your stomach. If you have anything like soda or soup cans that may have been exposed, be sure to wash them off before opening.

- Pets can often be protected in the same way as people, including dogs, horses and rabbits. I don’t know for certain, but probably cats, rats and other mammals. No idea about things like reptiles and birds, sorry, but it might be worth a shot.

- Make your way to a hospital if possible. Many kinds of gas have side effects that only manifest later and can be deadly. Let them know that you have come in contact with poison gas and describe anything you can about the gas (color, smell, etc.). If you can’t make it to a hospital, let the people around you know that you may develop symptoms within the next 24-48 hours. Sleep propped up to help your breathing and try to avoid any stress on your lungs such as dust or running.

Chlorine:

- Chlorine gas is a pale green and smells like bleach or swimming pools. When it comes into contact with water, it becomes hydrochloric acid, AKA battery acid. It destroys eye and lung tissue, causing death or disability. Fortunately, you can cause this reaction to happen before it reaches your lungs. 

- If you see chlorine gas approaching, soak a piece of fabric such as your t-shirt in water and hold it over your mouth, nose and, if possible, your eyes. After the attack, immediately dispose of the fabric as it will be full of acid and could burn you.

- If you don’t have any water available, use something with a high water content, such as juice or soda. As a last resort, urine will also work.

- As soon as you can, wash your hands well and rinse out your eyes as many times as you can. If you think the gas may have come in contact with sweaty parts of your body (such as under your arms) wash those areas thoroughly too. Even a wet wipe or a piece of tissue dunked in soda is better than not cleaning the skin. 

Phosgene:

- Phosgene is colorless and smells of old hay but only at extremely high concentrations, otherwise it has no odor. When inhaled, it damages the way your lungs transfer oxygen to the blood, causing suffocation.

- When first encountered, it causes pain in the eyes, excessive tear production and temporary blindness. This will eventually fade, but more serious effects can result. 

- Within the next 48 hours, many who are exposed to phosgene will have their lungs slowly fill with fluid or will develop serious pneumonia. Individuals with chronic breathing conditions will be especially affected. It is important to set out for a hospital as soon as possible especially if there may be a long wait.

Mustard:

- Mustard Gas can be colorless but is usually mustard colored. It smells spicy, like mustard or garlic. Mustard Gas settles on the skin, soaking into it. It then burns its way back out, causing chemical burns and massive blisters full of the liquid form of the gas.

- Once the gas has passed, discard all of your clothing, every piece of it. It doesn’t matter how many layers you have, It will be soaked in the chemical down to skin level. Cut shirts away from your skin so you don’t drag it across your face and eyes. Do not let anyone touch it or they will be burnt by the gas as well. Place it in a sturdy plastic container with a lid if you can. Do NOT bury it, as mustard gas can remain unaffected underground for years.

- Wash yourself as you have never washed yourself before. Time is critical. As soon as the gas comes in contact with your skin, it begins soaking in. If multiple people have been gassed, pile everyone into the same shower, don’t take turns. Use warm water and soap and systematically go over your entire body. Mustard gas especially affects mucous membranes and damp areas, so focus on armpits, groin, back of the knees, eyelids, buttcrack, under the breasts, and under any folds of fat you may have. The labia and the areas where the penis and testicles touch each other and surrounding skin should be focused on. Also pay attention to where you might have been damp before you took your clothes off, such as waistbands or bra straps.

- If you do not have access to water, find some (clean) clay cat litter. Cat litter usually has bentonite clay in it which is used to soak up toxins. It will help neutralize the gas. Follow the above procedure, only using handfuls of the litter.

- Burns and blisters will begin to appear anywhere between 2 to 48 hours. Get to a hospital as soon as possible so they can decontaminate you more thoroughly. If decontamination procedures are followed, death is unlikely, but massive scarring, pain and other health problems such as infection can occur. Do NOT think that because you don’t see or feel anything that you are okay.

- The skin may itch fiercely. Do NOT scratch at it as it means a 2nd or 3rd degree burn may be forming there, you would be making it worse. Sit on your hands if you have to. Assume that a burn may appear in that area. Unless the skin is broken, rub more cat litter on it and then gently coat the area in vaseline.

- If you cannot reach a hospital, gently apply Vaseline where you see the burns emerging, especially the eyelids or they will stick together. Treat the burns like you would a heat burn, using petroleum based ointments to keep gauze from sticking. As burns develop, the intense pain means that the person usually can’t stand any form of clothing on them, so try to make sure you’re in a space that has some form of heat and privacy.

- When blisters form, poke them lightly with a pin and drain them. Make sure that the fluid inside does not touch the person’s skin, your skin or any blankets etc that are remaining with the person. The fluid inside is the liquid form of the gas coming back out and it can cause the same burns on your hands as it caused on the patient. Keep the liquid in something like a plastic jug until someone can tell you how to get rid of it.

Sarin:

As a heads up, I know less about Sarin than the others. 

- Sarin is colorless and odorless. Like Mustard Gas, in addition to being dangerous to inhale, it soaks into the skin. It damages the human nervous system, making it extremely deadly. Even the tiniest amount of Sarin can be lethal, so treat even the smallest exposure to the gas very seriously. Also like mustard gas it remains on the clothes, which need to be carefully disposed of and not touched. Cut them away from the person.

- A person affected by Sarin may first show classic gas symptoms: tearing, coughing, eyes burning. After this, the person may not act like themselves, twitching, drooling, sweating and speaking nonsense. They may not be able to control their legs, bowels or basic body movements and their heart rate may be altered.

- Sarin may puddle visibly on the skin. Wipe these drops off before they can soak in. Do not touch the liquid yourself. Wash the person with 1% bleach solution (meaning about 1 oz bleach to a gallon of water). Use gloves. Then use cat litter to try to soak up any remaining gas. Get the person to the hospital as soon as possible. 

- Atropine has been used to treat Sarin in the past; if the exposed person is being treated by someone not used to dealing with this kind of gas, you could suggest this to them. (Note: I am not a doctor, I am only stating that you could bring up the subject, I’m not prescribing it.)

I may add to this if I think of anything else. If you know more tips about poison gas, feel free to add to this or contact me. I want this to reach as many people as possible, so please signal boost this even if it isn’t related to your blog. I only speak English fluently, so if someone could please translate this into Ukrainian (or any other language for that matter) I would deeply appreciate it. This guide is not restricted to the situation in Ukraine and can be shared with anyone in the world who may face this. I’d like a little credit, but feel free to post this on other websites where it might better reach the target audience, such as Ukrainian social media, twitter, etc. I may be in error somewhere in these tips but I wrote them out of a sincere desire to help so don’t be jackass if you want to correct me.

Stay safe everyone. #IStandWithUkraine

- Alan

[eddieslittleslutmuffin]

✿Hi! I hope you enjoy this fic! Please remember to reblog, like, and leave a nice comment. Follow me, and maybe you’ll see more nice stuff, idk I can’t tell you what to do. But I’d appreciate it! More stuff pinned to my page! Kay bye!

Everyone’s Watching…

Pairings: modern!Eddie x black!oc

warnings: public!misconduct, public!sex, exhibitionism, fingering. Minors DNI 18+

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Eddie loves taking you out to fancy restaurants, he doesn’t like going out to public places often because of how fans of Corroded Coffin ruin the dates. So he had the wonderful idea of renting out the whole place for just you, and him. Of course this didn’t stop people, and paparazzi from trying to get pictures from outside the windows.

“Babe, this food was so fucking bomb.” Though you weren’t on any kind diet, you still tried not to over eat on date night. You leaned back in your seat, one hand on your stomach, and the other holding your head up.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it Princess, you want the rest of your stuff boxed up for later?” Before you could answer he’s already waving his hand to the waiter.

“You look so pretty tonight Eddie.” He compliments you so often, that you do it back to him so he can feel how you feel. He’s such a great boyfriend to you, Eddie really deserves the fucking world.

“Y/N, I don’t know how I got to be so lucky with you. I mean, not only are you the most talented artist I know…you’re beautiful.” He whispered the last part leaning towards you, his fingers tracing the curve of your cheeks, and down to your lips. You weren’t meaning to, but his gentle touch brings a moan out of you. Eddie's pink lips stretched into a brilliant smile that brightened up his features.

“Hmm, always in the mood for play time aren’t you Sweetheart?” His hand wrapped around the back of your neck as you leaned your head backwards giving Eddie access to your neck. His mouth is warm, and soft. At this angle you could see how smooth his skin is becoming. You mentally pat yourself on the back for starting Eddie on his skin care routine. Now he keeps himself moisturized all the time.

“Daddy.” You let out in a hushed voice, Eddie leaves trails of kisses down your neck. Sucking, and nibbling on any opening of skin he could get to. His free hand moving up your leg to your thick thighs, he squeezes you tightly making you squirm a little.

“Eddie.” You giggled, without wasting much more time, he pulled your legs open crossing your thigh over his. Eddie licks the pads of his first two fingers with his tongue, and slips them into your panties. Shifting your hips forward gives Eddie more space between your thighs.

“Uh oh, seems like you were already excited. I wonder what it was that turned you on so much this time, was it when I tickled your ear earlier? Or was it when I kissed you a moment ago?” He teased you as his thick fingers continued to dig deeper into your plushness. Eddie always tells you he loves the way your pussy feels, and tastes. He loves the way you take care of yourself, though he loves you the way you are, he loves how you’re mindful of what you consume. All that hard work just so he can enjoy, and your healthy habits also rub off on him.

Before you two started dating exclusively, Eddie’s diet was trash. Fast food, energy drinks, and beer. When you politely educated him about how the things he puts in his body comes out, how you refused to swallow, nor take another one of his nuts inside you if it was going to taste and feel like battery acid.

“Fuck.” You moaned again, his thumb nudging against your slowly aroused clit, your back arched inward, and your head thrown back.

“Might wanna try to keep it down Princess, the staff is still in the back.” Eddie murmured slyly, he pumped his fingers in, and out of you continuously. A thin, slippery sap coats his fingers when he pulls them out of you.

“Mmm, taste so fucking good Princess.” Eddie moaned as he sucked your juices clean off his fingers, and then inserted his index finger only this time. It curls upward inside of you hitting the right spot, then he adds a second, and third finger. You inhaled sharply, he’s never used three fingers before, and felt so damn good. The sound of your wetness, and heavy breathing is the only thing that can be heard. The occasional low chatter of the staff back in the kitchen, and fans banging hitting up against the windows trying desperately to get a peak of Eddie and his girlfriend. It's somewhat exciting knowing that you might get caught doing this. It’s terribly inappropriate to have your legs spread open, and coochie out like this under the diner table in public.

But it felt so good when Eddie’s thick soft fingers played with your pussy. He could get all the angles you couldn’t reach on your own, and clit stimulation is great; however, Eddie can satisfy both at the same time. His free hand comes around your mouth and clamps down on your face. The only thing you could do was breathe through your nose. Your core started to tighten from the build up, you clenched around his fingers tightly. You rocked your hips back and forth best you could, when you cracked your eyes open, Eddie was already watching your face. He was closer than you thought.

“Ohhh you’re gonna come for me? Infront of all these people? You’re such an attention whore, you like that shit don’t you? Will you better put on a good show, you have an audience sweetheart.” Eddie whispered playfully into your ear, he paints a good picture in your head, and the idea of people watching you cream all over your boyfriends fingers is possibly twisted. At first you feel guilty, but your need to release out weights that. Since no one could actually see you, there’s no harm in imagining right?

Eddie roughly pumps his fingers in you, and you didn’t want to hold it in, even if you could. Soon enough you’re squirting all over his hand, yourself, and the cushioned booth seat. Thank god it was leather, and even a few drops got onto the table.

“Oh my fucking goodness.” You whined, the wave of your orgasam hitting you three more times before you fully calmed down. Your body slumped aginst Eddie, your face barried into his shoulder, and your arms wrapped around his waist. He chuckled to himself, you’re usually tapped out after one round, even something as small as fingering. Eddie let you rest for now, he called for the driver to bring the car around back.

Gathering all you guys things, Eddie held onto you tightly as you both came out the back of the restaurant. Fans have been known to get hectic, and disrespectful with the both of you. He gets in after making sure you’re safely in the back seat first, Eddie’s bodyguard is in the passenger seat, and another in the car behind them. He squeezed your hand as the driver pulled out of the alley, tons of people blocked the end of the driveway. The flashes of cameras blind you both as fans, and paparazzi pressed themselves against the vehicle.

You, and Eddie protect each other in different ways. Your hand squeezed his back, you knew how he felt about fame, and don’t get it wrong Eddie is proud of his success. Though he was not expecting to be catapulted like this, nor was he ready for the obsessive behavior from people he’s never met before.

“Goddamn it can’t we do something about this?” You fussed, your main priority was your boyfriend, and his feelings.

“They’re taking care of it, a pathway will be opened for us in a moment Ms y/l/n please be patient.” The bodyguard informed you calmly, initially you felt bad snapping at him, it’s not his fault. Sure enough the guards behind us got out of the car, and broke up the crowd. Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed heavily.

“Holy hell, why do they act like this? I just want to go home.” He groaned, frustration evident on his features, and I felt just so bad for him. There’s a lot of artists that become celebrities on purpose, but your Eddie really loves what he does. There are some respectful, kind hearted fans of his, and you personally adore them. However, now there’s too many toxic “fans” ruining things for everyone. Eddie isn’t the kind of guy to argue with these kinds of people…well not anymore. Back in High School he’d beat someone’s ass for being a prick to him and the band. Now that he’s older, he'd rather not get taken to court for putting his hands on someone.

“EDDIE I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE ONE PICTURE PLEASE!” Some blonde girl jumped on the window, you both jumped at the rabbid girl who had her face pressed to the glass trying to see into the tinted windows. Thankfully she was pulled away, and the vehicle continued to pull out of the alley, then onto the street. After those events, when you got home, you and Eddie took a nice bath together.

“Let’s just sleep.” He mumbled already falling onto the soft sheets face first, you let out a giggle, and plopped down next to him. Eddie curled into you, his hand on your chest, and your hands resting in his soft curls.

a/n: thank you for reading my first fic of the new blog I hope you enjoyed, and yes I did drag Joesph’s toxic fan base that stalks him and is rude as shit to him. To all the ppl that respect his boundaries and him as a human being, love you to pieces 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

[nocturne-pisces]

Scorpio Venus (4)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: angst. death ment. canon level violence. sexual themes.

Summary: “I just found you. You can’t leave me so soon.”

The final chapter of The Zodiac Series || Main Masterlist

a/n: i don’t even want to think about how long it’s taken me to publish this last installment of this series. it’s been a labor of love and i’m not completely sure i’m happy with it, but it’s a solid metric of how i’ve grown as a writer over the last year. pisces sun was the first marvel piece i ever wrote, and it feels good to see something to its end.

He goes back to Siberia to try to find something of himself in the snow, tries to find whatever left him when he thought you died. His boots crunch ice flat and with every step he thinks it’ll never be the same. 

He thinks of you more like an event at times. There was before you, during you, and after you and he wasn’t sure where he was currently on that timeline but he does know that the more time he spends trying to find himself (or what the fuck ever) the closer he gets to being neck deep in the after bit. 

When Bucky leaves the country it's because he doesn’t know how to process the hurt of being the last one to find out that you were like him. That you’d been pulling your punches and maybe even letting him win sparring matches. That you were some kind of government guinea pig like him. He stares down at his boots where the smallest bit of snow has melted in the cracked leather and is rapidly cooling his now damp sock and thinks that his luck can’t get worse. 

He knows that he’s got maybe a couple more days to hide out in his frozen motherland before he has to go back and face his best friend— and you. He hopes that the blankets of snow will tell him how to navigate being the charity case friend. It stings behind his nose when he thinks about how many chances at life he’s been handed by people that care about him. 

When Steve pulled him from Azzano.

When Steve and Nat and Sam pulled him out of Hydra after sinking Project Insight. 

When Steve went on the run to keep him out of prison. 

And now you, drop kicking him out of an underground interrogation room right before a Hydra fanatic blew it - and you - sky high.

If he looks close enough he can still see your blood in the creases of his knuckles, and he realizes that’s the part that angers him the most. That everyone around him is so willing to martyr themselves to extend his overstayed welcome. 

He knows that he should thank all of his lucky stars that his friends love him so much, but the guilt eats a hole in his stomach with battery acid toxicity. 

There seems to be a never ending supply of hot water, your skin nearly numb from the spray of the shower head. Water mixes with the Jack because there’s no point in putting the cap back on it. You’re going to finish it- praying that you metabolize the alcohol fast enough to feel something other than the gaping hole that’s been clawed into your chest. 

“What do you mean he’s gone?” Your eyes sliver, looking from Natasha to Steve and back again, the sterility of the medwing room making your head throb. Or maybe that’s just what it felt like to reorient yourself to the world after four days of peaceful unconsciousness.

“He left after you stabilized,” Steve won’t look up from where his fingers are laced together between his knees. 

“We can’t track him. He’s always been good at being a ghost, you know that.” Nat has one of your hands in both of hers, sincerity making her brows pinch. 

“How could he just—“  

Steve scoffs, a minute shake in his head as yours and Natasha’s whip around. Finally he looks up and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not hard to figure out why he’s upset.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” You spit, and Nat isn’t far behind.

“Steve, don’t.” 

He shoves up from his seat and stalks from the room, leaving you to crumble in the arms of Natasha. It’s the only time you’ve ever cried in front of her. 

Wet flame spreads across your skin and down your esophagus. Hot water and hot liquor warming your cold heart and cold hands. You’re finally feeling something, the pitter patter of water drops echoing in the auditorium of your chest. The xylophone of your ribs ringing in your ears, playing a melancholy melody that you don’t even like. 

You are a house after everything has been consumed by scorching flame, nothing left but the walls to bounce your screams back at you. 

Everything that has ever loved you has gone up in smoke and you have half the mind to leave before everyone else is caught in the brushfire. Turned to ash like your mother in her own bed. No trace of the life they lived beyond the catastrophe. You’re the spilled gasoline on all of your friends soft, dry cotton- and you’re sure that, eventually, they’ll burn too. 

The closer he gets to the compound, the harsher his grip on the steering wheel becomes, his knuckles snow white, his jaw set glacier hard. He still hasn’t figured out what he’s going to say, how he’s going to explain his actions to you, but if he doesn’t see you in the next few minutes he might just implode. 

Steve meets him at the front of the compound, hands shoved in his pockets, wearing the same expression he did the day they were reunited in Wakanda after Bucky’s brain had been precariously reconfigured. Cautious and guarded, wondering if he’s going to swing or fall to pieces. 

“Have a nice vacation?” 

Bucky kills the engine on his bike and settles the kickstand, struggling to meet Steve’s eyes. He can’t speak around the lump in his throat, so he steps around his bike and his best friend and makes for the door. 

“I wouldn’t go after her right now,” Steve calls, “she’s not- she hasn’t spoken to anyone in days. She’s not right.” 

Bucky nods his understanding, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. “Perfect, neither am I.” 

He checks your room first, but the resounding silence from inside tells him you’re not there. That greek yogurt you love so much hasn’t been touched since the mission, so you haven’t been eating. The bookmark you keep in your copy of The Illiad hasn’t moved, so you haven’t been in the library.

And just as he’s about to give up and sit outside your door until you show, he hears your unmistakable grunts of exertion. He knows them well, having heard them time and time again fighting guys double and triple your size.

He pushes the door to the gym open to find it empty, save for you, working over a punching bag in the corner. He can hear the heavy music from your headphones, your punches timed with the thump of the bass that he’s sure isn’t good for your hearing at that volume. 

Your t-shirt is soaked in sweat, and he can imagine that you’ve been down here for a couple hours. The song ends and you deliver a final shrieking blow, the bag rocked back so hard it ends up horizontal. You catch it in a bear hug, using it as leverage to hold yourself up through your panting. 

His arms cross over his chest as you throw the boxing gloves on the ground at your feet, yanking the headphones out of your ears and reaching for your water bottle. 

“You imaginin’ my face on that bag?” 

Your head snaps up, the timbre of his voice rocketing through your cerebellum, though your face betrays nothing. 

“What if I am?” you ask, anchoring your hands on your hips.

He takes slow steps, closing the gap between you. He seems to only grow in size the closer he gets, his broad shoulders tensed and his corded biceps straining against his sleeves. 

“Maybe you should take a swing at the real thing.” 

You scoff, rolling your eyes and picking your boxing gloves up and turning to put them in your bag. Your head shakes, a heavy sigh heaving from your chest to try to relieve the growing irritation, and Bucky just won’t quit…

“What, you scared?” 

You turn to look at him, make sure he just said that shit to you. 

“No. I just don’t want to bruise your fragile ego.”

You stoop down to pick up your bag, giving him wide berth as you make your way to the exit. 

“Then you have nothing to lose, right? If you’re just gonna whoop my ass?” It catches you like a fish hook, bait swallowed as he reels you back in. 

“So what, you disappear for two weeks and now that you’re back you want to fight me? Are you that mad I saved your ass?” 

“Nah,” he shifts his weight, looking around the room and then back at you, his head cocked to the side. “It's just-- we’ve sparred so many times before, and I thought I won those. Maybe I just want to see how big of a liar you really are.” 

He’s started the match with a proverbial punch to your gut, your nose stings and the tip of your tongue throbs where you’ve been biting down on it. You deserved that, you know you did, but it doesn’t ease your anger, your resentment. It doesn’t quell the raw ache of his abandonment, so you opt for catharsis. 

“Fine.” 

Your bag thuds to the floor, traipsing past Bucky to the sparring mat. You kneel down to secure the laces on your sneakers, but the rushed thud of his boots jerks your gaze upward. You don’t have time to right yourself before his knee meets your sternum, knocking the wind from you and sending you several steps backwards.

He follows, swinging wide with a right hook that you manage to duck under just in time. You move to straighten, bring your hands up in front of your face, but his right elbow is headed straight for your nose and you duck again. 

Your own elbow meets the back of his head and it disorients him for a moment, his weight falling on uncertain steps. Turning, you plant a high kick between his shoulder blades and he stumbles, falls, only to catch himself before the weight of his own body smashes his face against the flooring.

He throws himself onto his back, rolling out of the way before you land a downward blow to his cheek. The vibranium arm latches around your ankle and gets yanked out from under you, the back of your head thudding against the floor as he crawls on top of you. He’s winded, an arrogant smile spreading across his face as he leans down into yours.

“What? You done already?” 

It’s a rookie mistake, getting this close and getting cocky, and you take full advantage of it. 

The apex of your forehead crunches the bridge of his nose, giving you the moment you need to push him off. You stand, taking a couple steps back and letting him get to his feet. He takes his nose in both hands, nausea rippling through your stomach when you hear the second sickening crackle of him resetting it, the blood ebbing but not stopping. 

Your chest heaves, satisfaction rolling through your limbs at causing him a fraction of the pain that you felt splintering through your ribs when he left. 

“You wanna know a secret, Buck? I have been letting you win.”

Your stance widens, your tensed muscles sparking to life as you throw yourself towards him lightning fast. Bucky doesn’t have time to defend, and with the speed only a super soldier serum could supply, you take him to the ground. Your fingers ache with the force you’ve curled them into themselves, reared back and plummeting towards Bucky’s nose to see if you can smear it in the opposite direction. He stops it with his left, the crunch of bone as your knuckles fracture radiating pain up your arm. He strikes viper fast, the same hand circling your wrist and holding it still. 

Abandonment and rejection time morphed into frustration and rage bubbles hot in your gut and your left fist, though not as powerful, descends just as fast. He catches it in the vice tight grip of his right and you’re forced to struggle against the makeshift handcuffs of his hold. 

“Let go of me!” Sweat dots your hairline, the adrenaline of the fight starting to wane as you lose the steam to struggle. All he can do is watch, stupefied, as the ghost of your passion for him haunts the corners of your tear-welled eyes, right on the verge of either crippling exorcism or violent resurrection. You tug at his hold, trying desperately to hold on to the anger slipping through the cracks like sand. 

“Let go of me! I’m not fucking done!” 

He doesn’t let go, only marvels at the strength it takes him to hold you in place. Even though you hate him, even though pain has marred your features, and even if you never speak to him again, you’re still the most breathtaking thing he’s ever seen. 

The aurora borealis in human form.

All of the supernovas in all of the galaxies in every single ever expanding universe. 

Finally, you quit pulling, your arms going limp as sobs rattle earthquakes in the valley of your chest. 

He doesn’t think about it before it falls out of his mouth, the words forming and flowing before he can stop them. 

“What happened to us?”

You lift your eyes to meet his, desperately trying to steady your breath before you speak. 

“You left! I saved your fucking life and you left-” 

Tears fall like rain on his shirt and he finally understands why people say storms feel like baptism. Bucky sits up, your weight settling in his lap as he keeps a firm grip on your wrists, pinning them to his chest. You feel the fan of his breath on your face, the intimate proximity heartbreakingly familiar.

“And how did you do that? How did you save my life, huh?” 

The question crackles like static electricity between you, zapping neurons into understanding, and this time you’re the one speechless.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Bucky continues, watching as it dawns on you, “-jumped on a bomb, didn’t you?” 

“Bucky, I-” 

His grip loosens and your fingers splay wide across his chest, the steady beat of his heart under your palm escalating.

“No. You don’t get to talk to me about leaving after a stunt like that. I thought you were gone, thought I’d-,” his voice cracks, but he swallows down the memories of broken rock under his fingernails and pushes on, “-I thought I’d have to dig you up in pieces.” 

He drops his head into your chest, his arms winding around your back to pull you impossibly close. You wrap around his shoulders, the shuddering in your breath steadying as the two of you come down. Deft fingers stroke at his hair, comb it away from his face as you lace kisses into his hairline. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper, watery and uneven. 

Fingertips find purchase in the stubble on his cheeks and coax him out of the valley of your breasts, looking just as broken as you felt. He reaches up, the fingers on his warm hand cupping your jaw, thumbing away the tracks your tears left. 

“I just found you. You can’t leave me so soon.” 

The moment of silence after that sentence convinces you that your heart has stopped, time seems to stretch as he wordlessly pleads with you not to leave him alone. In that very moment, gravity could have reversed and you would have noticed nothing but the depth with which he drank in the sight of you, perched above him and looking down, sunlight behind the crown of your head like a halo. 

His salvation.

You lean down and press your lip to his, breathe life back into the lungs he’d been struggling to inflate for days. He tastes like coming home and the force with which he uses to crush you against him melds together all your splintered ribs fractured by water drop bombshells sustained drinking in the shower. 

His lips alter your trajectory, the flat of his palms burning meteor trails up the curve of your spine under your shirt. Then there is no shirt. On him or on you. 

He lays you back against the mat so gently, like you’re made of glass and he’s aware of his left hand. He pulls away the light pollution of your clothing and you bare to him all of your dark and all of your stars.

James Buchanan Barnes is a black hole.

The mass of him against you is immeasurable as you’re caught in his stable orbit. Friction sends photon tails up your spine and before you know it you are consumed by the event horizon of his presence, the very atoms of your matter rearranging to welcome him into you irrevocably. He devours you greedily, the bedrock of your skin superheating and sending lava coursing through your veins the closer you get. 

And while he believes you are goddess beneath him you know that the moment you splinter all conceptualization of goddesses will be swallowed by antimatter. 

Bucky Barnes is your singularity. 

How lucky you are to be infinite with him.