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#I know this reads very dramatically
coralhoneyrose · 1 year
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Really depressed and disappointed with the handling of the groom Robin unit. The moment I saw the theme of the banner I was nervous that there would be some sort of line somewhere in his dialogue, or the paralogue, or tempest trials that was going to explicitly pull some sort of "no homo" nonsense with Chrom. I was mildly comforted when I saw the meet the heroes text talking about the blue rose corsage that maybe I was worrying over nothing. But then sure enough, we get a throw away line where Robin comments on Chrom getting married to someone else.
It feels like a slap in the face after all the ship bait the last year. One of the most wonderful things about their DoD duo unit was that NO WHERE in any of the promotion or dialogue for that unit was there any sort of friend zoning. They were referred to as "partners" and while it was intentionally left ambiguous enough that people could still try and read it platonically if they wanted, there was DEFINITELY nothing de-confirming it as being romantic. And then with Robin's legendary unit too it really went out of its way to leave open the interpretation that L!Robin was married to a Chrom. And I'll admit, I think the fact that Engage had so many same sex pairing options made me cautiously optimistic that IS was starting to do better with how they handle this stuff.
So for them to then turn around and make a point of having Groom Robin comment that Chrom got married to someone else just...it makes me feel exploited honestly. It feels very much like they knew they could capitalize on shipper's money with those other units and so they allowed the potential reading of Chrom and m!Robin as being a romantic pairing for as long as it was convenient and profitable for them. And then as soon as it wasn't fitting the narrative they were trying to build in order to make money they immediately revert to discounting it.
Cause that's the other thing that gets me. They didn't HAVE to have Robin comment on Chrom's wedding at all. They could have very easily just not mentioned it and left it up to player interpretation. But no, they decided to expressly make a point of emphasizing that the Chrom from this Robin's world is married to someone else.
And I know for a lot of Chrobin fans this isn't necessarily even incompatible with their head canons. A lot of fans are happy to imagine that Chrom might initially marry someone else to have Lucina and then ultimately divorce them and marry Robin later in life. But personally, I have always found that idea tremendously depressing and I am not a fan of that narrative at all. I am not interested in the idea of Chrom making himself miserable in a marriage to someone he doesn't love and I do not like the idea of Lucina having anyone else as her parent except for Robin.
There are other workable explanations too--multiverses and different timelines means that some Chroms could be married to Robins and others aren't. Or Chrom and Robin could be poly, for example. I'm not saying there aren't any mental jumps you can make in order to force this dialogue line to be compatible with some version of Chrobin being together. But even if there are explanations that work, I think it's pretty transparent what IS was trying to do in including the line in the first place. The intention of it is still to wave a little banner in fan faces saying this Robin is not married to Chrom and that Chrom actively *is* in a relationship with someone else. And the fact of the matter is that line DOES shut down any and all versions of how *I* like to envision the pairing working. So of course I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm well aware that the nature of any head canon is that I shouldn't be surprised that canon isn't catering to my personal imagined story line. Especially when Chrom and M!Robin can't get married in original Awakening. I know that.
But again....engage and the DoD unit, and Robin's legendary and even 3H to a lesser extent all made me cautiously optimistic that they were starting to handle things differently. For the last *year* they have very expressly been making a point of allowing my little preferred headcanons to be viable, and actively feeding into them in a lot of cases. In point of that, there has been so much hopeful fan speculation that if they ever make an awakening remake years down the line, that they probably WOULD allow m!Robin and Chrom to S-support. And this feels like a very clear indication to me that no, they wouldn't do that actually, they are only interested in teasing m!Chrobin when they can profit from it in a gacha game, and are perfectly happy to turn around and try and invalidate it again after. And now I just feel stupid for getting my hopes up and thinking they wouldn't do this.
Frankly, it completely ruins any ability I would have had to enjoy this unit at all. Which sucks, because his art is lovely and getting new content of a character I love SHOULD be a wonderful positive thing. I can try and ignore the line and pretend I guess, but honestly it's going to be hard for me to divorce all these upset feelings from it. Maybe with a little more time and space. Idk.
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sp0o0kylights · 1 month
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Grass is green, water is wet, and Jonathan Byers does not like Steve Harrington.
These are known facts in the universe.
Computers were going to take over the world, a “mobile” phone was being invented, and Steve Harrington had lost most of his hearing.
These were unknown facts--rumors even, if you will. Eddie had never seen even a grain of truth to support any of them. 
(Well, maybe the computer thing, but only because Grant and Dustin both had made a couple of convincing arguments.) 
So he doesn’t think about it, when his freshman gang up on him. 
Doesn’t even factor the “can’t hear well” thing in, when he was tasked (demanded, whined, bitched and moaned at) with helping them explain to Steve why going to the release party of the new D&D box set, located at a hobby store only a mere 2 hour drive away, was important.
Eddie’s not even sure how the little shits got him to agree to do it until he’s standing in the parking lot in front of the former King himself. 
“The store’s leading up to the release with a handful of one-shots.” He’s explaining, unsure whether to pull out the bored act or play up his court jester persona, and thus mixing and matching on the fly. 
He does not care if Harrington doesn’t know what a one-shot is. 
“They’re releasing the set at midnight. You have to be there to get it though, you can’t have someone else pick it up for you because they only got a certain amount in.” 
Harrington’s frowning (no surprise) but it’s not until Eddie is well into his spiel about how his van is already full with the elder members of Hellfire, and thus has no room for the freshmen, that he realizes Steve isn’t quite looking at him. 
Is in fact, looking over his shoulder.
Eddie stops. Follows Harrington’s gaze.
Parked across from Steve’s Beemer, is Jonathan Byer’s barely working clunker car. 
A handful of steps in front of it, and thus nearly right behind Eddie, is the man himself.
His hands are still moving, mouth shaping words silent as he goes, his gaze locked not on Eddie or the kids--but on Steve. 
Who turns back around as Harrington’s eyes slide right back to him. 
“And this is taking place next Friday?” He says, in that sort of annoyed but resigned way parents aim at their children. “After school?” 
“I’d like to go during  school, but the freshmen insist you wouldn’t let them ditch out.” Eddie tells him. “They had two separate arguments about it.” 
Loud ones, that had interrupted the game and given Eddie a migraine. 
Once again Steve’s eyes slide away from him, to Jonathan. 
“They’re not skipping school.” He says suddenly, a glare forming and Jonathan makes an annoyed noise. 
“They argued about skipping, they’re not going to.” He says aloud, and finally steps up so that he’s next to Eddie instead of behind him. 
“Munson slow down, I can’t sign as fast as you’re talking.” He adds, in the hang-dog grumble he’s notorious for. 
Eddie stares at him. 
“Can he seriously not hear me?” 
“No.” Steve and Jonathan answer together. 
“I can kind of still hear,” Steve adds, gaze returning to Eddie’s face. “But its more loud music or noises. I can lip read, but you’re also talking too fast for that.” 
Without pausing, he turns back to Jonathan and says; “Why can’t you take them?”
“It’s Friday.” Byers deadpans. 
Eddie’s not an expert on sign language, but his hands somehow looked deadpan too. 
He’s not sure how Jonathan did that. 
“So?” Steve snarks back. 
What follows is an argument that Eddie is not, at all involved in, mostly because he’s too busy handling the fact that Jonathan Byers has learned sign language, for Steve Harrington, apparently, and given the tone the argument is taking they still don’t even like each other.  
Eventually the argument ends, Steve throwing his hands in the air and demanding that Jonathan owes him. 
(Eventually Eddie will corner the ever so quiet Will Byers and ask why the hell his brother learned sign language for someone he clearly fucking hates.
“Oh they don’t hate each other.” Baby Byers would say, in that shy, quiet way of his. “I think they’re actually friends now?” 
“You think?”
“Well--you’ve seen them.” Will shrugs. “I think being mean to each other is kinda their thing.” 
‘What the hell.’ Eddie would think, right up until he stumbled across one of the kids sign language books. 
Byers the Elder, he decides, isn’t the only person who should learn sign language to chew out Harrington properly.
The pay off is immediate. 
Or at least, the pay off of watching Steve’s shocked face the first time Eddie signs something vulgar at him is, anyway.)
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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months
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"From triumph to failure is but one step."
+ the usual
I love when I can include paper sketches in the process gif. It's very satisfying to see it progress from a very vague imagining of what was in my head to the finished project.
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+ version without text
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My favorite sketch was definitely the one where I actually put in words what it's supposed to convey. I wouldn't usually write that down, cause it's all in my head, but it was useful to do so when sending it to other people. I'll go into it more but here it is just as a teaser:
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Lmao first of all, I like how I was teasing "Spanish GP" art, but as per usual, it's just thinly veiled au art. IM SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MAKING GENERAL POSTERS, THAT'S NO FUN! So instead you will get weirdly relevant matador au art. I like it a lot though, I was really shocked I was able to draw 3 different Fernandos, I mean even drawing one figure takes a lot out of me, but this was weirdly easy?? I think it's just the effect of not being burnt out anymore, and actually being able to draw with more ease makes me feel like a god.
Okay, so the text: "Fight or Flight?" I'll be honest, I don't even remember why I chose it, literally came to me in a vision 😭 But I think it's fitting with the narrative of this piece. Is it better to keep going on, keep fighting, or better to finally give up, and flee? Not that I even remotely think he should give up, but I feel like sometimes I can sense him pondering this very question. That was the big fear before he announced that he re-signed. Keep fighting and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the chance to finally go up against the bull again. Or accept it's an uphill battle and the fighting is going to keep getting more and more strenous, and maybe it's time to put down the sword. SORRY THIS IS SO ANGSTY FOR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "yayyyy home race!!!" Please forgive me <3
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I. Renault
At some point, someone pointed out to me that I had drawn all other iterations of matador Fernando with a sword, except for Renault Fernando, and that ended up feeling very poignant to me. In a bull fighting match, they really only pull out the sword at the last minute to deliver the killing blow. So I think it's important to never draw this Fernando with a sword, because it shows the unfailing confidence and stability he has at that point. He only needs to pull out the sword at the end, as a formality almost, there's no reason for him to keep his guard up at all times.
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II. Ferrari
Meanwhile this Fernando, he's considering his sword like he hasn't had to in the past. He's checking the sharpness, making sure in advance he can do what needs to be done. He's on guard, he feels like he needs to keep up his defenses at all times because he doesn't have that same amount of trust and stability anymore. He knows though he will be up against the (red) bull, at least that's never in question. At least there's the assurance he'll get the chance to fight.
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III. Aston
Oh, Aston Fernando....He doesn't know whether to take up his sword or finally put it down for the last time. While at least Ferrari Fernando knows he's on constant guard against the bull, this Fernando doesn't even have that assurance anymore. He feels like he can never put down the sword, just in case he gets the chance to strike the killing blow on the bull, which feels like it's growing more and more unlikely.
Spanish flag: ? Lmao this was meant to be something to celebrate Fernando's home race and it turned very introspective whoops. Also got the Napoleon quote in there hahaha, can't escape it!! Shame though there is no French gp anymore, if so I'd probably draw an unhinged thing for it :,(
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stealingyourbones · 3 months
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recently watched a handful of episodes of Supernatural and im kinda impressed with Dean's steadfast belief that all monsters are monsters and can't be redeemed.
With that in mind... there could be some VERY angsty Danny Phantom crossovers with that as the main premise
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ruvviks · 4 months
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.
Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.
anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#tew#edit:nathan#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#so much shame in my body but still used my taglist but um let me know if you want to be excluded from oc/ship web weaves#just really wanted to share this one because i'm very proud of it and i want it on my blog. so. :]#recognition of the self through the other + wanting so desperately for the other to be deserving of a second chance#because if there is hope for them than there is hope for you etc etc and so on. that's the core of their dynamic i think#they understand each other on such a fundamental level that no one else comes close to because they are in so many ways the same#like how in in the first game leslie could sync up with ru/vik and all that? nathan would be a VERY good candidate for that as well#and it makes me insane!! and then the added layer of nathan being lead developer of mobius' new and improved STEM system#which makes him the same as ru/vik AGAIN but in like. the way that they're both men of [computer] science#and there's the fact they both have a dead sister. they both killed their parents. they were both mobius playthings for YEARS#and they've happily killed and tortured during all of it. they're angry they're out for revenge they're completely disconnected from#the normal human experience and they're working with what they have. and then after all of that is over then what is left?#their story focuses on them picking up all the pieces. everything that's still salvageable at least. and try to start over in a way#they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future#there's still things left undone and left unsaid... in my canon at least. i know there's not gonna be any more games. it's fine#anyway they end up going to therapy and then they get better they're not a doomed couple they just like being dramatic#if you read all of this we can get married tomorrow if you'd like
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petite-phthora · 1 year
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This yours?
[DP x DC fic]
[Love at first... murder? - part 12]
<< Prev | Next >>
Part 1
Ao3
---
Somewhere else, in a seemingly abandoned building on the outskirts of the city, a figure shrouded in darkness and wearing a dark cloak plots.
In front of them is a whiteboard. It’s covered in pictures, sticky notes, and illegible texts. Some of the notes thrown about that are legible are ‘fight…’, ‘draw blood.’, and ‘DEATH!!!’.
There’s a crude stick figure drawn in the corner of the board, it’s impaled. Other small doodles can also be found all around the board.
Most of the information and pictures are connected by red strings, like you see in movies.
In the middle is a picture of 2 people sitting on a motorcycle, the arms of the person sitting in the back are around the waist of the person sitting in the front. The picture has some arrows pointing towards it and the people in the picture are very obviously circled.
Though the face of the person driving the motorcycle is obscured by their helmet, the other person seems to be heavily blushing and grinning broadly.
“Yes… yes! That’s it! I know what to do…” They seem to be speaking to themselves.
Quickly, the person scribbles down a barely legible ‘sacrifice!!‘.
They start cackling.
“Mwuahaha!”
It’s an evil laugh they’ve been working on for quite a while now, and they’re pretty proud of it.
However, the effect is slightly ruined when a fly enters their mouth, cutting off their cackling with choking as they gasp for air, grasping at their throat.
A few good thumps against their chest, with some coughing out their lungs, helps them dislodge the fly from their throat and they spit it out on the ground. They take a few deep breaths before straightening up again.
“Curse you” the person exclaims, angrily waving their fist at the fly as it flies away.
---
Bruce’s face gives off nothing as he stares at the streets down below. He’s dressed as Batman, crouched at the edge of a building with Damian by his side as Robin. Spoiler, Black Bat, Nightwing, and Red Robin are further back on the rooftop.
They watch in silence as another group of the Joker’s goons passes by. They’ve been all over the city, wandering around, not doing anything obviously illegal.
They don’t stay in one place and they don’t seem to have much of a purpose. No attacks… No stealing… No smuggling or transport of goods… No, instead they’re inspecting every single inch of the city.
They don’t seem to have any weapons on them. All they’re carrying on them are some flashlights. While most don’t give anything away with their body language or expressions, some seem to give off a bit of anxious energy.
Spoiler claimed she even saw some of them climb down into the sewers earlier and then climbing out again sometime later somewhere else, but this time ‘dejected and stinky’.
One thing seems clear to the Bats.
They’re searching for something… or someone.
“This basically confirms that not even the Joker’s henchmen know where he is. He’s missing.”
“I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing”
“Good… thing?”
“It’s… something. That’s for sure.”
“We don’t know if he’s really missing. For all we know it could be a trap. What if the Joker is hiding, pretending to be missing to have us bring our guard down? Besides, how could he be missing? He’s the Joker. No one’s just gonna kidnap him”
“For all we know he could be lying dead in a ditch somewhere”
“I highly doubt that”
“Everyone, focus” Bruce speaks up, having them draw their attention to him.
“It’s unclear whether the Joker is simply hiding away or missing. Instead of focusing on the why, we need to focus on the where. Missing or not, we need to find him and get him back to Arkham. Oracle, have you managed to find out anything from the footage yet?”
“Nope, still nothing. All the files from the moment he enters Crime Alley are wiped and any attempt at recovering them only brings back corrupted files.”
 “We need Red Hood. Where is he?” Bruce asks.
“He still has his phone on silent and he has removed the trackers and cams. We haven’t placed any new ones on him yet”
“Let’s visit him on his turf then. And keep an eye out for anything suspicious in the meantime. Oracle, try recovering the missing files. If that doesn’t work, go back to the breakout footage. Perhaps he left some kind of clues about his plans or whereabouts behind there.” Bruce states.
“Roger that.”
---
Red Hood has his arms by his sides as he gazes down upon the street below from the rooftop of a random apartment building in Crime Alley.
He’s lucky to have avoided the Bats so far. But he doubts his luck will last for long.
Red Hood stiffens as he suddenly feels something clamp down on his arm. As a reflex, his other hand has already drawn his gun.
He slowly raises the arm he felt something clamp down on and looks at it, only to make eye contact with a girl with black hair and blue eyes who has sunk her teeth into his arm and is now hanging off of it.
The teeth are sharp, as the girl seems to have some small fangs. They’ve gone through his jacket and sunken into his skin.
It doesn’t really hurt all that badly though, probably hasn’t even drawn much blood, and that’s one of the only reasons Jason hasn’t flung the kid off of him yet. Another reason is the fact that it’s a kid.
They both stare at each other for several seconds.
As Jason takes her appearance in, he notices that she seems rather familiar. In fact, she looks like a more feminine version of Danny, or if Danny had a twin.
The person hanging off of his arm looks younger than Danny though, probably a teenager around 13 or 14, if he had to make a guess.
Slowly, he puts his gun away and takes out his phone with his other hand, watching the random girl’s eyes follow his movements. He raises it level with her face and snaps a picture, quickly sending it to Danny and ignoring the girl’s curious gaze while she’s still hanging onto his arm by her fucking teeth.
---
Meanwhile, Danny checks his phone to see Red Hood sent him a message. He opens it and is greeted by a picture of Ellie in human form biting down on Red Hood’s arm with the caption ‘this yours???’
---
Taglist:
@i-always-say-yea   @uraniumwizard    @why-must-i-be-like-this   @griffinthing
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luck-of-the-drawings · 8 months
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OOH YEAH BABY! PARTY TIME BABY! MUSIC! DRINKS! SOCIAL PRESSURE & A PSYCHEDELIC BREAK DOWN! WELCOME TO VAMPIRE SOCIETY MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET? ITS OKAY IF NOT. FIRE DISSOLVED IT! ITS ALL GONE NOW. HAVE FUN!
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#RRAAHH IM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW SOOO GOODDAMN MUCH!! each o these characters has STOLEN my HEART!!!#LIKE EMIZEEELLL i love emizel so much.. runnin around announcing that HE isa PRINCE while shiloh FINALLY quietly clicks the pieces together#nathan hanover you MADMAN!!! that slow dramatic guitar riff as emizel makes that announcement was so fuckin COOL UGHHHH#MR HANOVER DOES IT AGAIN just creating tracks that absoultely WORM into my MIND and HHEAARRT UUGHHGHH#emizel is so cool and so funny and so adorable UUGHH ill gush abt him more when i finally post my emizel n soda doodle page#ARTHUR FUCKING BENNET. i totally get why grizz has a hard time playing him. hes cool and stoic n its not easy to play a man o little words#BUT BBOOOY DOES HE DO IT WELL!! arthur DOES come off as so stoic n cool & it just makes his lil misfortunes all the more charming#like falling into the red fear or confrontin edward twilight or accidentally doing lsd. I LOVE THATS HES THE BAD LUCK GUY.#okay uhhu uhh i have limited room here what else should i say uhh. THE NPCS. MY GOD THE NPCS. CHARLIE U WONDERFUL MADMAN#edward twilight is SUCH a funny fucking antagonist. and supposedly his magic stuff is super scary?? SO EXCITED TO SEE MORE OF THAT#ill ramble abt mr deacon keller later eheh i have a. uh. a doodle page in the works. so in the meantime DAYBRINGER SOLOMON!!#“HERE COMES THE SUN MOTHERFUCKER!” “ILL SEE YOU IN HELL. NOT. IM GOING TO HEAVEN. BITCH.” like come on now. oh my god. i need him#BIG POWERFUL BEAST AND EVERY WORD HE SAYS HAS ME CRACKING UP. THE MUFFLED VOICE IN THE DARK BROKEN BY “LIGHT!”#TRULY HILARIOUS AND YET TRULY HORRIFYING. I FUCKIN LOVE CHARLIE NPCS SO MUCH. I HOPE WE SEE HIM AGAIN OHH MY GOOOODDD#OKAYokay. im normal now. ill talk abt the piece. if u read my tags this far then u get special secret knowledge abt the artistic process#IM VERY HAPPY WITH MY COLORS! i know they were hallucinating on drugs so i just recalled the times i did drugs & used that as my influence#REMEMBER KIDS! acid is totally fine if ur safe and responsible about it. do acid and then stare at my art for a bit trrruuust me. IT MOVES!#anyway i think thats all my thoughts here. thank you for looking at my art n thanku if ur one o the ppl that says nice things in the tags#U are LITERLY my life blood i pick up each of u n kiss u so sweetly on the head. remember to try acid!!!!
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jesncin · 5 months
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Aside from Lois’ interview with Superman (which your fan comic brought to life in such beautiful fashion), what other “canon events” from the story and history of the character would you want to portray in your head canon?
Thank you! I want to go into more of the Clark, Lana, Lois love triangle but I haven't zeroed in on an ideal circumstance or scene where I could squeeze the most story from for that dynamic yet. I want to write a good love triangle where it's a genuine struggle for who Clark will pick. Though out of all the ideas fighting for attention in my head, this is the least priority at the moment.
I know my Clois comics are popular and people especially want to know how Lois finds out about Superman's identity but I really don't want to speed to the post-secret identity era. People say that's where Superman gets interesting, but I personally disagree! Especially with Clois under the immigrant love story lens and Clark struggling as an alien who passes for a white-american-man, I feel like there's so much unexplored story in that dynamic before Lois knows about Superman's secret identity. And I dislike how modern Superman media speeds through the fun conflict that happens in his early years.
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designernishiki · 1 year
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tbh it really feels to me that y3 was implying/hinting at minedai having had at least some sort of under the radar romantic relationship, rather than just mine alone having an extreme one-sided obsession with daigo– like… based on how daigo talks to him and how immediately concerned he is for mine, all of which right after mine admits outright that he Loves (capital L) him to kiryu and all that… it feels more like a reveal of their relationship having been romantic than a reveal of mine’s feelings alone. I need to lay down
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endlessnightarts · 1 year
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'Did Louis eat the baby' meta is old news I wanna know if Louis fed on Claudia before bringing her home
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kafus · 6 months
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i think when i refer to hatsune miku i am referring to an entirely different entity than what holds the miku name now. over the years she has completely transformed into something else. she’s unrecognizable. sometimes it horrifies me like i’m referring to what must be a corpse or a ghost because no one seems to see her anymore, they look right through her
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naranjapetrificada · 1 year
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This is going to be long so the short version is this:
I convinced my therapist to watch the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 and now I have to confront a previously unidentified and terrifyingly deep emotional wound that could be as transformative to heal as it is terrifying to approach.
My therapist and I have a lot of let's say...demographic things in common that have made this the most successful therapeutic relationship I've ever had, but also that just made me think he might like the show. It's no secret that ofmd has been a deeply moving experience for its viewers, and queer, neurodivergent, and/or people of color have written at length about the special ways it touches us (or doesn't). Those are three categories both he and I fit into and it feels relevant to say that for context.
So yes I thought he might like it, but I also wanted to pick his brain about Big Feelings it was giving me that I hadn't experienced with the same intensity with other media/fandoms. Y'all, he gave me a completely unexpected reading on the show (and its story and its fan works) and why it makes us feel So Much that I haven't seen anywhere before.
When I say Big Feelings, I mean like I've literally had to swear off a couple of pretty innocuous categories on AO3 ("Growing Old Together" and "Domestic Fluff") because they would devastate me in ways that I couldn't attribute to anything specific. Growing Old Together comes with the possibility of death separating them, which is heartbreaking, but that didn't feel like it was the thing that was gutting me. Domestic Fluff could probably be called the most innocuous tag ever, but anything that saw our blorbos settling down and watching the Revenge sail off into the distance was fucking me up as well.
There are plenty of reasons why OFMD makes queer people feel so much, but when I say this was fucking me up I mean like, well, remember when people outside of classical music started learning about appoggiatura? Like intellectually knowing why I was crying but at a loss how intense everything felt. And my therapist (who is as good at analyzing a text as he is at being a therapist) was like "oh, it could be all the grief."
The grief.
The audacity of this motherfucker (affectionate).
It's a romcom! It's a romcom that we were explicitly told would have a happy ending! It's a romcom where the characters will get to sail off into the sunset together like they want and like we want for them! Stede and Ed, after four decades of self-hatred and trauma and fear and isolation, somehow find each other. And one of the sweetest things about their story is that it's a late in life love story, because it's incredibly inspiring for someone to get to experience a part of life they thought wasn't for them. The inescapable fact that their time together will be shorter than any of us would like is sad but not unaccountably sad to me, because of how much joy they'll be able to cram into the time they have left. I could be wrong but I don't think that alone is the source of what's been overwhelming me.
Grief is a constant presence in the world-building and the storytelling because grief is a natural response to well, so many things about being alive. Grieving is some of the hardest shit any of us ever have to do, but it's also so universal and so many of the things that make us uniquely human also make grieving well, maybe not easier, but something we can endure and process through ritual, community, and the example of those we've witnessed grieving their own losses. Many kinds of grief come with narratives that you can accept or reject all or parts of, but the narrative exists.
But have you ever heard of disenfranchised loss? Loss that's not easily labeled or classified or given the time or space or understanding it deserves? Have you experienced a loss like that? Can you imagine how much more difficult it makes the grieving process?
Well what my therapist suggested, the thing that knocked me on my ass hard enough that I had to come have Online Feelings about it, is that eventually, we all have to mourn ourselves. Not necessarily in a "mortality is inevitable" way (that happens to everyone) but in ways that are often unique to people like him and me (black, ND, queer). Even if we work on ourselves, if we grow and heal our trauma and feel at home in our identities and our bodies and build beautiful lives, eventually we will be forced to mourn the selves that we never got to be in the societies in which we live and the selves we once had to become to survive this long.
And that mourning is a kind of disenfranchised loss, with no clear path forward. Obviously this conversation happened within the context of everything my therapist knows about me as an individual, but I thought certain things might resonate with other fans as well so I wanted to talk about it. The story of this bizarre little man and his remarkable second act and his lovely little found family and his incredibly beautiful love story (that we've been guaranteed will end happily) is still haunted by the specific kind of grief that comes from learning what's possible, and regretting that you didn't know it was possible sooner.
And does anybody have more delayed milestones, later-in-life discoveries, and/or need to invent places for themselves than those of us on the social fringes? Than those of us in societies unequipped for (or actively hostile to) the ways we exist and the things we need to survive and thrive? Than those of us who have to create our own narratives or be saddled with inaccurate or harmful narratives created by others, or even no narrative at all?
And narrative is so much. Narrative is everything. Narrative is the story we tell ourselves and each other and that literally shapes our reality. So those story beats where we discover something better than what came before are inherently stories with loss and will require mourning, because we mourn loss.
Even when the story has a happy ending. Especially when the story has a happy ending for someone who never thought they would be allowed to have one.
I mean just like, FUCKING HELL. I can't blame anyone for this but myself. I know my therapist. I know how insightful he can be. I did this to myself and now I have to live with it. But my god is it a massive mountain I'm about to have to climb now. My therapist and I have always found it helpful to discuss media that makes me Feel Things (see all the trauma work that came from Life is Strange) but if you had told me that I'd be looking into this new dark cave of unprocessed shit thanks to what I thought was just gonna be a harmless little gay pirate show starring fucking Murray from Flight of the Concords I would probably just have assumed you were in the middle of having a stroke and taken off to get you the medical attention you desperately needed.
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dawnthefluffyduck · 2 months
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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justblaterando · 3 months
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Looking at the usual craziness of the hotd fandom for the new episodes made me realize I might have an issue w the show that might be unpopular or at least unnoticed…
The lack of personalities for like half of the characters we are supposed to care about.
For such an abundant cast half of it is relegated to make the scene look fuller in the background, relying on the over abundance of content for them online for all the infos that would make them actual flashed out characters. I think the fandom frenzies of who has the higher moral high ground perfectly feeds into it, people are so obsessed into proving their faves are better and their enemy are monsters y’all hyper analyze and throw random tropes at any lucky frame you get, make edits of anything and everything treating any assumptions made by people that like the same characters as you as canon.
I wonder what fans without a presence online and knowledge of the book get from the show, what they do and don’t remember, how they read certain aspects that the internet community has already given for certain.
This thought mainly came from the maelor question and baela and rhaena.
For Maelor, from what I understood the writer have stated that they had to change B&C partially cause it would have been weird to add a child that hadn’t been already introduce. I find this pretty ridiculous as I don’t think anyone but the obsessive side of the fan base would have realized aegon and haelena had one more child than in s1, the twins were barely in it, I’m half sure their name hadn’t even been stated and that many wouldn’t even have realized who’s kids they actually were due to how irrelevant they were made out to be, adding another one at the last minute wouldn’t have changed anything to viewing experience and I think many would agree with me here.
For rhaena and baela is another story. Their issue came to mind due to a bunch of edits I came across about them in the new episode, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering how the heck were people acting like rhaena crying for lucerys or baela being with Jace were such deep moments. They are supposedly protagonist of the war and they have yet to speak one line the both of them since the recasting, frankly had I not read all the infos about them or watched edit I would have even forget their name, I have seen multiple post pointing out moments in which the show showcases their personalities but frankly they are nowhere to be found, the actresses are giving everything they can with the materials but they were given nothing to work with, literally. How can the audience be expected to recognize a difference of importance with rhaena crying for Luke compared to the others if the only interaction we have ever seen between the two is them standing next to each other, and baela acting like a vallette to Jace isn’t that much better, at least there if you squint you can came up with a multitude of HC about it but let’s be real that was nothing. I have seen multiple edits about it, and I have never had an issue with fans creating entire cosmos out of thin air but it feels like the show is over-relaing on the fans work to improve its shortcomings.
And frankly I don’t buy the ‘there isn’t enough time’ excuse, or any other genre of this excuses ‘they don’t have enough budget’ ‘it was the only way to not traumatize the child actors’ (it wasn’t and it is frankly tiring seeing everyone accuse others of very vile things just for disagreeing) Got and many others well written shows were/are masters in showcasing characters and moving the plot forward in even the most ‘mondane’ scenes without wasting any second, Hotd and many new shows seem unable to do so but they should very much work on it or we will find ourselves w another dany goes crazy moment.
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boxwinebaddie · 4 months
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NINA?? THE CLIFFHANGER?? TF WHAT HAPPENED WHY R U EDGING US 😭
i fear it's the nina special, babycakes. i live for chaos and drama, which, because for some reason i am feeling run through my veins on this random, once tame saturday, i think i'll torture you a little more...
...With This.
( if you haven’t read this big ask, pls don’t read this yet. )
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;)
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aroaessidhe · 1 year
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2023 reads
Wren Martin Ruins It All
YA contemporary romcom
student council president proposes to cut the school valentine’s dance because it's expensive and alienating for queer/single people, but instead the vice president (who he adamantly hates for being perfect) suggests they get sponsored by a popular friendship app
he decides to secretly give the app a go to “know his enemy” but ends up making a friend, and starts to catch feelings for him...and maybe realises the guy he hates isn't actually so bad either...
ace mlm MC, aro-questioning side character
I loved this so much! great MC with a funny internal monologue
despite the title most issues or misunderstanding are sorted out pretty quickly rather than drawn out for the drama and plot. which is refreshing
I was a little nervous about the concept of ‘ace hates the school dance and wants it shut down’ - there's a bit of a stereotype of aspecs being boring Fun Haters - but I think it did a really good job of showing the specifics of why, not dragging it out, and also that he’s just a snarky fun hater in general with not much weight behind it.
There’s also no discovering of sexuality or big coming out (just one-on-one) - he already knows he’s ace, and it comes up naturally a bunch, talking about how dances etc can feel isolating, the way the friendship app called buddy being called ace-friendly can feel infantilizing, avoiding dating because of the stress of having to check upfront if people about it, etc.
I would have liked to know more about his relationship with his mum? Though I understand that it’s clearly something he avoids thinking about - going too deep into his relationship with his parents might have changed the tone a lot. but still.
ARC from netgalley thanks netgalley
#wren martin ruins it all#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#asexual books#ngl as soon as i was like oh this boy is elliot schafer coded i was a lost cause#(re aro character - I have noticed a bit of a trend of “maybe aromantic but I don’t like labels” in YA#contemporary recently that I don’t love - but it’s not an inherent issue with this book)#I’ve read a lot of YA contemporary books where the portrayal of social media and made up apps doesn’t feel right; but this one did to me!#maybe it’s because it’s from the POV of someone’s who’s cynical about it.#(and types no punctuation no capitalisation…I could see my online-communication style reflected back at me…)#Even the confrontation at the end where feelings are confessed isn’t made into some big dramatic thing in front of everyone with no#communication. But it also doesn’t feel emotionally anticlimactic.#(maybe a couple of the reveals in the confession felt unnecessarily dramatic to me? like the story would have functioned without them. )#but it's common for comtemporary ya to overdramatise silly things for the plot and im glad this didn't#possibly this is just my adult opinion about teen narratives.#The adult characters (even though they’re mostly background) feel like real people.#and it has some good friendships. also he has chickens and they are very good#it did become increasingly obvious that it was the same ppl but also they’re emotionally stupid. and like….it's part of the genre.#we all know this going in.
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