#maybe it’s because it’s from the POV of someone’s who’s cynical about it.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

Wren Martin Ruins It All

YA contemporary romcom

student council president proposes to cut the school valentine’s dance because it's expensive and alienating for queer/single people, but instead the vice president (who he adamantly hates for being perfect) suggests they get sponsored by a popular friendship app

he decides to secretly give the app a go to “know his enemy” but ends up making a friend, and starts to catch feelings for him...and maybe realises the guy he hates isn't actually so bad either...

ace mlm MC, aro-questioning side character

I loved this so much! great MC with a funny internal monologue

despite the title most issues or misunderstanding are sorted out pretty quickly rather than drawn out for the drama and plot. which is refreshing

I was a little nervous about the concept of ‘ace hates the school dance and wants it shut down’ - there's a bit of a stereotype of aspecs being boring Fun Haters - but I think it did a really good job of showing the specifics of why, not dragging it out, and also that he’s just a snarky fun hater in general with not much weight behind it.

There’s also no discovering of sexuality or big coming out (just one-on-one) - he already knows he’s ace, and it comes up naturally a bunch, talking about how dances etc can feel isolating, the way the friendship app called buddy being called ace-friendly can feel infantilizing, avoiding dating because of the stress of having to check upfront if people about it, etc.

I would have liked to know more about his relationship with his mum? Though I understand that it’s clearly something he avoids thinking about - going too deep into his relationship with his parents might have changed the tone a lot. but still.

ARC from netgalley thanks netgalley

[aihoshiino]

The babygirlification if Hikaru is crazy in this fandom... I can't believe that people seem to believe he did zero bad things when ch109 literally showed him standing over Yura and saying that she died so he could feel something...? Just because he's not the one who pushed her, doesn't mean he wasn't an accomplice! (I don't see how Nino would've known about the hiking trip without his help. Also don't see why he would be there monologuing unless he's also a hiking enthusiast who just happened to be there.) He could be both! He could be someone Ai loved but also be a person who became lost without her! Look at Aqua who literally went on a maniacal journey of revenge that saved literally no one & killed 2/3 people whom Ai loved. Because she's gone. The way I see Hikaru's character is that, he loved Ai and understood her as a person instead of the persona she presented. Yet her passing made that persona the only legacy she left behind (in his eyes). She was seen as "the idol closest to the Dome" even though she didn't care! That title wasn't given to any of the other Bkoma members, just her. And, he wasn't really allowed into their children's life because she said so. The only thing he's got left were the "lies" and despite knowing that killing people for her legacy is not what she would've wanted, she's not around to stop him anymore. I think he was a man driven to desperation and doing terrible things because his love was genuine yet no one taught him how to love properly. And her final "rejection" made him believe that being a terrible person was the only thing he could be. Which was why Ai's video became such a huge blow to him: he could've lived without her knowing that her as a person didn't let go of him, yet he went down this path thinking that the true her rejected him & the "lies" was the only thing he could take.

I don't think Ai's rejection broke Hikaru, per se. I think she made him believe that he was worthy of love and not broken (like he thought). And the way things unfold drove him into a spiral that was planted long ago. Humans don't need to be innocent to be worthy of love. The HKAI relationship was two traumatised children finding comfort in eachother. And Hikaru's crimes were about someone letting intrusive thoughts get to them. I don't like how Akasaka handled it at all, but I think erasing Hikaru's grief and the destruction it brought isn't a good way to read his character.

SO, for what it's worth, I do think the way you've analyzed Hikaru here is how he was intended to be read by Akasaka, at least by the end of the story, I don't blame anyone at all who went into this final stretch of OnK legit thinking we were going to get a reveal that Hikaru was not just a straight up villain or at least sympathizing with him and interpreting him as a slightly softer character, because the story basically spends the entirety of the Movie Arc beating you over the head with Extremely Sympathetic Hikaru Characterization.

Hell, it starts asking you to sympathize with him basically from the word go. The first concrete fact we learn about him outside of Aqua's insanely (understandably!) biased POV immediately throws every explicit and implicit assumption we have about him out the window. Not only does his age mean that he was one of Ai's peers and not, as Aqua seems to have been assuming, an older man who had victimized her but we learn this information in tandem with realizing - as Akane points out - this means Taiki was conceived when he was eleven years old, with all that implies. Akane's disgusted reaction pretty clearly telegraphs to the reader how we're supposed to take it and… idk, maybe this sounds cynical, but giving a character a backstory of CSA is like the Press To Make Audience Instantly Want To Protect This Character's Smile button. It very much primes you to want to feel bad for him.

109 does throw a spanner in these works and I do remember even at the time feeling very fucking uncertain about OnK potentially going for the grody old trope of "this character was a CSA victim and now they're Evil" (IF ONLY I FUCKING KNEW) but the more I re-read 109, I felt increasingly uncertain of what, exactly, we were supposed to take away from it. I actually had a suspicion for a really long time that 109 was so heavy handedly and overtly portraying him as a straightforward villain specifically to mislead the reader When They Cry-style and that he wasn't the one responsible for Yura's death at all.

Add all this to the fact that the Movie Arc centers Hikaru's victimhood and his extremely sad wet cat pathetic boy characterization literally at the expense of Ai's story in the movie that was supposed to be about her but what the fuck ever and it's really hard not to think that this is how the story wants you to feel about Hikaru. Hell, the Movie Arc even asks us to empathize with Airi, who is a fucking child rapist. I don't think it's unreasonable for anyone to assume that we were not supposed to think of Hikaru as a straightforward villain, especially when Ruby basically, like, looks into the camera when she's having her meeting with him and goes "nobody is born ontologically evil btw people get fucked up by their environments and blaming individuals for systemic issues isn't how anything gets fixed".

Also, like… I want to be delicate about this but I think it's also important to remember that Hikaru's motivations and supposed villainy as portrayed in OnK as of late are pretty outlandish and hard to connect with. But there are almost certainly people in OnK's audience who are also C/SA survivors who are able to resonate with a more grounded portrayal of him. I don't blame anyone at all for preferring a more sympathetic take on him in that case.

[nalyra-dreaming]

This may sound silly, but I have a bit of a hard time handling resurfacing hatred for Lestat within the last few weeks after season one the show became more available. I know it’s supposed to be this way obviously, you are supposed to dislike Lestat at this moment, but it’s almost honestly painful by how frustrating I find it at right. Like I almost can’t stand seeing it anymore. Even though I obviously understand why so many would feel that way. I guess I have “trauma” from the aftermath of ep 5 or something, haha.

No, but if I am serious for a second I guess my frustration comes from that I don’t think I have ever experienced such a misreading of a character on such a massive scale. I don’t mean that the dislike is not understandable, like I said. For example, I saw someone on twitter say that it is understandable that peoples more intense dislike towards Lestat in comparison to Armand is because Lestat faults and mistreatment are a lot more visceral than Armands faults that are a lot more subtle, and that difference confuses some people and they don’t know how to feel. And honestly, I kind of agree with that to an extent. I think that narrative maybe could have been written differently.

But most of all I find it frustrating that many show only fans that feel this way about Lestat don’t even seem to want to expand their perspective or perhaps even listen to books fans on way Lestat and Louis and Lestat’s dynamic isn’t so one dimensional.

The point is, I think, I am a bit afraid that to a lot of show only fans Lestat will always be viewed as more one dimensional than he ever actually was or are going to be no matter what is represented on the screen. Which would be a shame because he is just as complex as all the other characters. But maybe that is just me being cynical.

Haha, did expect to ever be this defensive of a fictional character in my life but here we are!

Sorry for the ramble and if this was petty.

Needed to vent I guess.

Love your tumblr❤️

To be honest, I have only seen a lot of love?!

I mean obviously there have to be those who do not get the arcs bc they lack the background. That was to be expected. *shrugs*

But you know, anyone refusing to learn new facts? Unwilling to follow the narrative?

… Is fan of the wrong show.

Because this will be a constant requirement for IWTV.

This show won’t hold anyone’s hand and give them a gold star for trying to find the “good vampire“.

The show will shift to Lestat‘s POV now. And actual fans of this show will follow :)

[mariamariquinha]

Bossa Nova (Benny 'Borracho' Magalon x f!reader) - Ten

Nine | Eleven

Summary: Benny's pov (my boy is so stressed).

Word count: 7.482.

Warnings: Bad words, slightly talks about cop corruption, violence, crime, talks about mental/physical health, mention of use of pills, hospital environment and police work.

Author’s Note: I like my men like how I visualize myself: stressed and in need of a fucking break.

I'm also on AO3 now!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

****

If someone asked any woman who was involved with Benny at some point in their life about him, there would always be a universal phrase: he's complicated. Not 'complicated' in a 'he has a difficult and unstable life' way, because he did, but in a 'he hasn't known how to be a nice guy for a long time' way. 

Daddy issues. Classic. 

He was committed to the Major Crimes guys, especially Nick, because there was a part of him that hated to disappoint. Aside from ego or personal compensation, Benny saw a lot of his own father in Big Nick, so despite the two being almost the same age, the position of power gave O'Brien a very complex image of a patriarch – flaws and all. When Debbie left, it was clear that Nick would follow the same path as that father, with the difference that he would at least try to spend weekends with the children; Benny wouldn't be able to recognize what the 'head of his family' should be if he had to. 

It had been years since he was just Benicio Ramirez Magalon and not Benicio Ramirez Garcia Magalon, as if he erased every particle of his father from his own history in an arbitrary way, but still having that ghost on his shoulders with O’Brien. 

He didn't think much that night, but he knew it would be natural for him to walk away. It must have been the most genuinely decent thing Benny did for any woman under those circumstances. Maybe it was the fact that you knew how to set limits, that you recognized your weaknesses with an ease that Benny couldn't.

In conclusion, he was disappointed to not find you more resilient than finding out Nick slept with informants, which soon enough he caught himself being a fucking asshole. Maybe that's why, because of this lack of cynicism on your part and the excess of the same feeling on his part, Benny concluded that you were destined for good guys. Some who, at least, didn't make the decisions he made.

****

“And we have a fireplace.”

Yeah, indeed, they had a fireplace – one that was basically turning into dust. You stood there with your arms crossed, letting your mother inspect the apartment and make comments about it. While she and the realtor (a small woman named Eidra) went back to one of the bedrooms, you sat on the small bench left behind on the miniscule living room by the last residents, watching your father look through the window.

When you two shared a glance, the answer was all over the place: a huge and big and extreme and frustrated and disappointed no.

****

Listen, it could always get worse. That was life, you know? And you should know better than to expect that the divorce and the whole Isla stuff would pass by you. Well, it passed through you. With a delay, but still. 

Some of this was your fault, you could admit. Your brother had already advised you to negotiate the sale of the house as soon as the divorce procedures were in progress and you were so catatonic, in a way, that you didn't want to add more to what already seemed too complicated. After months, you found the buyers – good price, you made a profit. 

During Christmas, you ended up tripping over the closed moving boxes and spraining your foot, so on New Year's Eve you didn’t enjoy the trip as much as you could. A bad start to the year, but not the worst thing that happened to you in a long time. 

They were organizing a farewell party for Emma; by March, she would be at DEA headquarters leading their forensic team. You had to act surprised, and politely refused to help with the details ('I'm busy with this moving thing'), which she probably took as a bitter departure. Well, it was what it seemed to be. You didn’t call her off with that, but some part of you was feeling that pit of disgust. There was a murmur about whether or not to invite Major Crimes (even though they never attended that kind of thing), which everyone ended up looking at you for clarification. You didn't know, and that's what you said, accompanied by a modest shrug of the shoulders.

“Send an invitation by email, it's less work if they say no.”

Even because you had time to rethink the unfortunate occasions with O'Brien. You felt offended but you also felt guilty, which was a rather cruel conclusion that Nick was indirectly manipulating you. When you told Gina this, she just gave a genuine shrug and sighed.

“It isn’t like he wasn’t that kind of person before, you know.”

You felt bad – you felt used again. Doubted, discredited. And the fact that you thought you wouldn't care if it happened, that you would be as strong as you had been through the divorce, just showed that you had an ability to lie to yourself. Benny left that night and you knew he had the same realization too; you found yourself believing that the opinion of someone who still followed such strict orders from someone like Nick had no opinion value in your life.

You no longer fit into LASD.

****

“You have insomnia and lack of nutrients. I'll prescribe you some pills and vitamins for both, but I need you to pump the brakes. Burnout has been killing people lately.”

Perhaps, deep down, you knew that this distancing also came with your need to hide that your physical health had worsened. It wasn't that bad, but you had barely been eating and… yeah, you really didn't need another surprise with so much going on.

The doctor pondered something, eyeing the papers and you with a serenity that was closer to reticence. You waited, shoulders slumped and eyes heavy, lacking energy to ask anything else. 

“... This seems like a pattern. The lack of sleep, your headaches… Have you considered another type of approach?”

Long short story, no. And he probably knew that too, since you were there and not in a therapist's office, so you saw him lean over the desk and give you one of those scolding looks.

“It’s very normal for people in your profession to have this type of behavior. Considering what has happened in your personal life, I would advise a psychological reevaluation.”

“I’m not depressed.”

But he hadn't hinted at it, or said anything like that out loud, which only made it all make more sense. He sighed in defeat, then signed the recipe and, alongside with it, put a flier about mental health just in case.

The medicines would be an unforeseen additional expense, but it should give you some peace of mind. At least you hoped so. 

****

“Yes.”

“Bad time?” Gina sounded quite confused on the other end of the line, so you frowned at her tone and stuffed the pills into your bag irritably, the breeze not doing much to cheer up your mood. It wasn't even summer anymore, but the day still felt unbearably hot.

“I’m not on my peak, no.”

Gina went quiet for a bit. In the background, you could hear the noise of people coming and going, as if she were in a crowded place. Calmly, you backed up the sidewalk until you were under the awning of the pharmacy you had just left, switching your phone from ear to ear to hear her better. 

“... What was it? Did someone die?” 

“Where are you right now?”

“I am…” You looked over your shoulder, then at the sign of the pharmacy printed right above your head. “Had to run some errands.”

“How far are you from the Good Samaritan?”

“Good Samar-Gina, I was joking about-”

“You won't believe who's here.”

****

He had been quiet since he arrived and it was understandable. Apart from the answers he gave to the police, there was not much interest in having any type of social interaction, which was respected: it was not as if he was or should have been accustomed to the context in which he was placed.

It was different from the other cases they had been following, Z mentioned. Maybe a slip, but no one could be sure because they weren't experts in psychological profiles and the idea of ​​involving the feds was out of the question. For a lot, there was intuition, experiences on the streets, informants… Murph had already checked, there was a strong lead and they were almost there.

No one wanted to mention the damn coincidences that led them to that hospital and, more precisely, the crime scene. Gina, perhaps, had reacted in some way that revealed a truth that no one wanted to verbalize, and Nick asked them to keep an eye on her – Emma’s leaving, until further notice these people would be a bit of a smartass. 

But what would Gina do, anyway? If she could? Would she call you of all people and ask you to pray for your ex's life? 

Still, Benny stood guard at the hospital until Gina finished work and kept an eye on the news, or at least Twitter. If you had known about it, there would already have been news on the internet and, if you had appeared, taken by an immaculate concern towards the tragedy, you would’ve already done so. All in all, the reason why everyone was on their last strings was how you going there could be harmful to the case.

Maybe that was the problem, after all: he didn't know that side of you. What kind of wife you were, what kind of friend you could be. Everything was too casual, limited to observations he made and the things he remembered when you talked. There was no more karaoke, nor costume parties or Cosmopolitans in your cards or a brother to rely on; he knew these things, but none of them were valid at that moment.

So when he saw you peeking down the hall right after Gina had left (when he himself was already determined to get out of there), Benny didn't feel so surprised because he had tested the odds. Cautiously, he stood nearby, watching your diminished, secretive posture pass by the nurses' table and take slow steps to where Theodore was at. He was frustrated, in fact, and maybe a little stressed by everything, because he certainly didn't expect you to make the dumbest decision possible.

You stopped at a safe distance from the room and didn't come any closer. With a bag slung over your shoulder, you gripped the strap tightly, standing still there as you saw what was left of a guy after getting his ass beaten up, perhaps processing things that Benny would never know about. 

The girlfriend appeared: Aileen. She also hesitated when she noticed you, holding a cup of coffee in her hand as she came up from behind. At this point, Benny became more alert, ready to intervene. Interestingly, Henderson was also returning from somewhere, certainly to pick him up, and his louder voice calling your attention caused a beautiful disaster, like an announced tragedy.

You turned around too quickly, right when she was already on your trail, and hit your arm on the coffee cup that seemed hotter than expected. It hurt, of course. You screamed as the liquid burned the skin of your hand, leaning down just in time for one of the nurses to come to your aid. Aileen stood there in confusion as the liquid hit her clothes, and before Benny could take any further steps to take action, the reality that everyone was in a hospital dawned on him and he stopped.

He exchanged a glance with you as one of the nurses took you to the emergency room. 

“What the fuck, is she out of her fucking mind?” Henderson asked eventually, even if they both knew he would apologize later. 

Benny didn't answer him, however; he doubted the answer even though he thought he was aware enough of your behavior. He just watched you go in silence, both fists clenched in anger. 

****

You had your head down, your eyes still wet from the tears from the pain you had felt. The nurse had been delicate and, considering it was relatively calm, was going through the entire process in a well-rehearsed way. The emergency room was still lively, with people going from one side to the other. When you weren't watching her clean the burn, you looked up at the other patients waiting: broken arms, bloody noses.

Last time, you saw Benny with his arms crossed near the curtain that separated your space, even though it was the only one far from the others.

You knew at that moment that you were fucked.

“Boyfriend?” The nurse asked, making you eye her then him rapidly. 

“No,” You two answered in unison, to which you ended up averting your gaze in embarrassment. 

“I'd like to talk to her privately, anyway. If you don't mind,” He pressed a little, not minding the rude tone he was using. 

She eyed him, then you. With a small nod of yours, she sighed in tiredness and rolled her eyes, tidying up the bandage before leaving. 

A silence hung in the air, tense and with a hint of the impatience he was clearly feeling. You ignored this, however, glancing at your injured hand here and there before adjusting yourself better on the stretcher.

“You know, when I was a rookie I used to get quite excited with the prospect of being heard just showing my badge,” He commented, so you couldn’t help but scoff.

“Yeah, yeah, perhaps the biggest problem in America is men with damaged egos because no one cares about the size of their dicks anymore.” 

“You always seem to have a metaphor for dicks.”

“It’s a talent.”

“As is your ability to put yourself in shitty situations.”

You looked into his face for a few seconds and found an anger that, in general, seemed to be the only thing available to you from him. No more smiles or sympathy: Benny had chosen his side of the story and, really, that was fine. Still, you couldn't help but miss the other version of him as much as you did at that moment.

“I'm not going to ask who told you because that would be a really stupid question,” He took one, two steps closer to the curtain, slightly pushing it to cover the both of you. “Let's be adults and then you tell me why you came.”

Good question. Great question, actually. Why were you there? Why did you make the fucking dumb decision to be the bigger person and show up? And, by all intends, to end up with a coffee burn from… 

Yeah, it wasn’t your prime, you could give him that. 

“He wasn't just my ex husband. And I didn't want to come, but I thought I would be an asshole if I didn’t do anything.”

Benny stared at you for a long moment then; he stood there, still, eyeing you as if he was looking for something – to the point of discomfort. You averted your gaze to the floor. 

“I've read your file, did you know that? As soon as you came in and became the talk of the team, I went to find out who you were,” It made you raise your head to him, taken aback by his sudden change of subject. “First in your class, completed a specialization while still graduating. You're kind of a genius, and honestly, you had every right to be a bit of an asshole to people.”

“... You don’t need to say this,” You said.

“What should I say then?”

“I can work with nothing,” And then you snapped at him, seeing his expression shift from serenity to full annoyance. “We’ve been doing this dance very well over the last few months.” 

When he didn't offer any further comment, sighing in impatience from your stubbornness. 

“What I mean is, you're a fucking smart scientist and everything, but you still insist on being naive like that.”

“I know,” You mumbled in defeat. 

“Do you now?”

In other times, there would be a cunning answer on the tip of your tongue; hell, in other times, you wouldn't even let him or anyone talk to you like that. The point was that you were so tired of putting yourself in this position, of facing things that weren't even your business because you had been in that defensive and combative mode since things started to get out of control.

You sighed and ran your good hand over your face, rubbing away the melancholy expression.

“Do you still like him?” You couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows in surprise at his question, watching the way he was so serious about it. 

“What’s that supposed to fucking mean?” 

He shrugged. 

“Means whatever.”

“I don’t like him.”

“It wasn't what it seemed.”

“Are you serious?” You couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. “You don't know anything about my life to insinuate that kind of thing about me.”

“So answer me without sounding like I'm accusing you of something.”

“Well, then ask questions that don't sound like you're accusing me of something.”

And that seemed to have ended the argument (not the conversation), but Benny didn't move or seem willing to do anything to end the topic. 

“... What?” You asked with impatience. 

“The girl who spill the coffee on you, she-”

“Aileen,” Your interruption came with a huff, while wiggling the fingers of your bad hand. “Yes, she’s a stunning woman my ex cheated me with, if that’s what you’re trying to ask.”

“I’m not trying to ask anything,” Benny frowned. “You're the one on the defensive. I don't want to know the details, I just need to make sure you don't put yourself in the front line of something that’s none of your business.”

“He’s someone I know!”

“Are you serious right now?”

“No,” You used a firm tone, watching him go from stern to doubtful in a beat. “I’m a human being and unfortunately I’m sensitive enough to visit my ex who was beaten by a gang of robbers. Do I wish I had done something to her for what happened? Of course, but unfortunately I also like my job. And my ethics, if that matters.” 

“I just don't want to have to clean up any messes again.”

Deep down, if you really cared, you would’ve been more outraged by what he had said to you. In the end, you just became even more pissed off, so it probably meant that you were mad. The audacity, the… That seemed like the kind of thing that put him closer to what Major Crimes really was.

“... You're quite an asshole, you know that?”

He sighed, looking away and probably reevaluating a route. 

“I didn't mean it that way.”

“Sure. How lucky would I be to endure two public humiliations without having provoked them? I really must be a saint.” 

“Then I’ll be the bitch. I meant exactly what I meant,” You both shared a stare. 

In fact, he was right: you were complicating everything. If you had just done what you meant to do, maybe you wouldn't have acted so immature, but there you were, holding your ground because you were an idiot. This was so frustrating, so stupid. You didn't need to do that, you didn't need to try to be something you weren't. No one ever imposed this type of behavior on you, there was no gun in your head telling you that things should be that way. 

You felt defeated. Your physicality, your face, everything exuded the reflections of a woman well out of orbit. 

“I'm going to tell you something very honest,” He took a few steps closer, searching the eyes you’d been avoiding until you could be looking at each other again. “I want you away from this case. Not because I think you're gonna mess something up, but at this point it's clear that your judgment can prevail over the evidence.” 

It wasn't like he was wrong, so you stayed quiet.

“Nick is going to end up being pretty scathing about what happened here today, so believe me when I say that this time I'm really going to let you off the hook. You'll owe me one.” 

Again, you remained silent, which was a bit surprising since you almost always had something to say. He was there, stern, giving you a well-deserved scolding, pointing a finger in your face, and it was as embarrassing as it was incredibly satisfying. It wasn't like what happened in your kitchen or anything like that, because he was truly mad at you, not the circumstances. Without Nick, Isla, Emma; it was you and him. You were the target.

His eyes were focused on yours, because he wanted to say it in all words. They seemed even darker, more powerful compared to yours, and that made you move in shyness. It was a side of Benny you didn't know yet.

“And please wake up. That girl isn’t half the woman you are,” This shocked you even more, since he hadn't stopped looking visibly irritated while passing his eyes over your body. “Nor half-experienced.”

Okay, well, that was… Well… 

He shouldn’t have that right, did he? Why were you blinking several times and not saying anything then?

You stayed quiet – you didn’t want to embarrass yourself somehow. And with your silence, Benny just nodded while averting his gaze for a beat too long, passing a palm over his mouth with a tense sigh. 

“She's going to discharge you and I want you away from here, understand?” He murmured, both hands placed on the mattress to cage you. 

If he asked (which he clearly wouldn't), you would explain the details of your drunken confession from that first date. Benny was very intense, definitive; that was his version a little beyond what happened in your kitchen, and if you pushed a little harder, you'd notice that his eyes were darker than normal, putting you in an instant trance, whether out of fear, regret or… something else.

His eyes, at that moment when you just didn't say anything, went from your eyes to your eyebrows and then to your nose and mouth, agitated about how to actually look at you. 

“Am I understood?” Benny pressed with a growl. 

You nodded. 

“Yes or no?” 

“Yes.”

“Great.”

He walked away with some hesitation, but opened the curtain to leave with a brutality that made you jump instantly. You let out a heavy breath, bringing your injured and closed hand to your chest in a somewhat unconscious act of protection, but not necessarily because of him. Benny was right; reactive, but right. 

What the fuck were you doing in that place?

****

“Why did you do that?”

Henderson was driving back to the station when he asked. The car remained silent, with no answer for a long time, and Benny continued to stare at what he had written down of what Theodore said.

“She’s a partner. Big Nick would do the same.”

“I don't think so,” Henderson snorted. “You like her.” 

Benny didn't comment on that either, because there wasn’t anything to add. In any case, the lack of a reply said everything his friend needed to know.

****

Okay, Benny did like you a little. Amicably. At first it was purely sexual, and he even thought about bragging to Connors that he had managed to fuck you first, because he was sure he wasn't going to make it past the first date. But even with all the other interesting women he did the same thing with, the indifference you had made it for him. If it was just that, if you had drunk a little less and gone to bed with him that night, that would be fine to you; maybe you even expected the other guys would know about it. 

Then you two kissed and he didn’t mention anything to anyone. You became funnier and prettier and he noticed the things about you. Benny found out he liked the idea of it being a secretive thing, to remember how you sounded, the texture of your skin and the smell of your hair and keep it to himself. You were an irredeemable nerd, but you were rebellious: you clashed with Big Nick, you had a beautiful, huge tattoo on your leg, you smoked marijuana, you messed with other girls.

He enjoyed your closeness, whether as a friend or as a lover. It was advantageous to have you around.

Since what happened at the hospital, Benny thought about apologizing and saying that he was just upset. They were really close to get that guys, there was a lot of pressure from above after the debacle with the DEA, no one was in the thick of the fucking around. He didn't apologize despite wanting to, though, because he knew things didn't feel easy for you either.

Well, he couldn’t be sure of it, if he liked you as if in a crush or just as a person who he got along with. You made him hesitate to make some kind of mistake towards you, so what Benny could say for certain was that he liked you. Just a little.

****

“Do you know anything about this?”

You and your dad were in the kitchen washing the dishes when he asked. His tone was low, almost discreet to be heard only by you and, hopefully, distant enough for your mother to take note of the question. The room was small, very different from your old house, and the walls provided good coverage so that she, who was on the emergency stairs smoking a cigarette, was at an even safer distance.

Still, you peeked out the small window above the sink and could see the smoke rising from the exact place you saw her climbing. 

Earlier, they arrived talking about how the newspapers and Twitter had reported what had happened to Theodore. You did no more than say that Gina brought it up, but you weren't on the case and it was ethically (as well as judicially) wrong for you to get too close. Still, you tried hard to say that you knew he was okay – which your father clearly managed to see as a half-truth.

“... I went to see him at the hospital,” You mumbled, eyes fixed on the dishes in front of you, not daring to find out how he was looking at you. 

“You two talked?”

“No,” You paused. “But I saw Aileen.” 

He didn't say anything; the tap was still on, but the noise of dishes being moved had stopped. You pretended you hadn't noticed, going to the cupboard and putting away the already dry glasses, trying to stay away from the excruciating gaze you felt on the back of your head.

That silence had meaning; your father could go days without bringing up the subject waiting for you to talk about it. Like it or not, you could let him use this strategy, and you would have more time to decide how to talk about it, but your mother knew this habit better than you and, well, there was a reason why you were talking away from her. 

You closed the cabinet and turned around, moving closer to him before leaning the small of your back against the table, defensively crossing your arms. He turned off the tap, dried his hands; the worried expression never left his face.

“I was in the hallway and one of the detectives in charge called me. I turned around without realizing she was behind me, so she accidentally spilled hot coffee on my hand,” You held up your hand wrapped in the bandage.

“So you two didn’t interact? Aside from this?”

“Like in an indian soap opera, yeah,” Your answer made him hiss. “She apologized, I think. I don’t remember a lot.”

Well, it was a lie – one he could catch from a mile away. You remembered each piece of moment you could grab from that mess: the way her eyes widened at the sight of the coffee being spilled on your skin, the way she raised her hands to reach out, the pain, the step back you gave to make sure she wouldn’t get any closer and, specially, the way Benny and Henderson were watching the whole scene. 

The reason why you didn’t go into a spiral of remorse was this fact, that amongst Z or Nick, the ones who were there were the least worse. Gus was nice, polite and Benny was… Benny. And for days you expected for something, for Emma to give you one last penitence or for O’Brien to spill some shit on your face; God knew you deserved it all. It was a bad feeling. You didn't like the idea of ​​feeling embarrassed, the exposure or even your lack of reaction, but more than that, you felt torn by the idea that you hadn't felt as sorry for Theodore as you thought you would.

“It’s just… I’ve been punching myself for even going there in the first place,” You sighed in defeat, your good hand passing all over your face. 

“Maybe we raised you way too well.”

“That’s not entirely true… But not because of you, that is.”

And you knew you shouldn't have said that, at least not in those words, because then he would come with more arguments about how you should let your mother in, about how she wanted to be part of your life and how it would be better to have her as a support – as a woman-to-woman conversation would be more enlightening.

He didn’t even need to point that out, in fact; you already slipped in before he could open his mouth. 

“I think it's better not to.”

“Because she could be too harsh?”

“Because she could be too honest. I love her, dad, I really do, but I had a hell of a moment with a coworker that makes me ashamed to even look at his direction because of it. I…”

I don’t want to disappoint her again. I don’t want to be a burden. 

It was always much easier for your brother when it came to your mother: she welcomed him and they just understood each other. With you it was always a problem. She said you spent a lot of time with your dad, that you must be like this or that, that, honey, Theodore is a great kid but I don't think he'll come back after college. He returned. You got married. You got divorced and, during all the crises, you were also embarrassed to come back with your tail between your legs to say that she was right in a way. You made your brother swear under professional secrecy that he wouldn't tell her anything, but you still contained details just in case.

So no, it was better not to. It would be another shame, another thing that she would look at you with great pity, and you were tired of putting yourself in that position.

“I'm off the case anyway. Gina doesn't report to me, just like she gave the tests to the person on the other shift. There's no risk of me getting closer to Theodore again.”

“But you were looking for something when you went there. Did you find it?”

You stared straight at his eyes for a long, beating moment. 

“... I did.”

“And what was it?”

For a brief second, you could still feel the sensation of seeing Theodore beaten up, the dried blood and lowered eyes. Could see the way he seemed fine, injured but not unstable, able to still be operative, essential to the industry. 

“Relief.”

****

“I know you.”

You didn't expect it to come out so full of doubt, but you expected him to have some memory lapse in the time you had seen him.

Dr. Cillian Byrne was a professor you had at university just before you changed your major. It was in your first year, at the end of the first semester, and with the changes in the curriculum for your audiovisual expertise, you only had the chance to attend, roughly, three or four of his classes. He was a bit young for the position, people said, and when your academic psychopathy caught other people's attention, they told you the same thing. Unlike him, you never went that far. After you graduated, you joined the LASD and managed to pass the evaluation for field CSI, but with so much bureaucracy in the way, you ended up stationed in the laboratory for good.

Looking at him there, it felt like a full circle moment. You didn't connect the dots until that last name took place and you exchanged glances with Emma from afar, who just shook her head lightly as if to say you shouldn’t mention Ballard. 

“I took some classes with you in college,” You mentioned after saying your name, watching his eyebrows raise in recognition. 

“Right, I remember you. The girl who ran to the second boring stuff in CSI.” 

“The second?”

“It's the rule. First come the academics, then the laboratory rats, then the coroners and only then the self-centered field ones.”

Emma was walking towards you when he said that, so when she got closer and saw that the two of you were sharing friendly laughs with each other, she went from confused to pleased in seconds.

“It isn’t that usual to see a successor at a faraway party, but I feel like it’s going well,” She said.

The hotel ballroom was full (exaggeratedly, but fair enough) and judging by the amount of times you saw Dr. Byrne going from group to group with smiles, you could agree that he was breaking the awkwardness of being there under these circumstances. Maybe it was the mood itself. Everyone was well dressed, sipping expensive drinks they could only have on special occasions, laughing at whoever was on duty and taking photos for Facebook; the boring part could wait until the next day.

“I was telling her she’s the first familiar face I've seen here, which is a surprise,” Dr. Byrne lied, so you sipped on your soda to avoid giving that away. 

“... Oh,” Emma frowned, a confused smile fighting for its life to not make her discomfort so evident. “You do know each other, then.”

“He was one of my professors in college.”

“Almost,” He teased, eyes swiping from you to her. “I found out just after two weeks that she fled to the computers.” 

“You seem to have been upset about this,” She was the one teasing now, on the verge of embarrassment to be honest. 

“Well, when you start hearing how much this student who changed majors became one of the bests… It’s hard not to feel at least jealous, right?”

And perhaps Emma and you would talk about this in the future if it hadn't been in that sensitive context, because it was clear that Dr. Byrne had looked into everyone in the department and was perhaps doing background checks as if he were doing his homework. It was the first time in months that you and Emma exchanged a similar look, raising your eyebrows and understanding the situation right away, sharing glances with an inside joke that you hadn't told each other for a long time.

“She’s really great, I have to admit. Hurts me to leave this whole amazing team, to be honest,” She went the easy and polite way, one hand tapping on your arm. “I'm sure you'll get along great on a daily basis.”

“I’m looking forward to it. Who else would give me a better report on what’s up with the infamous Major Crimes’s gang?” 

This time, the discomfort that had been eating away at the edges and that you were able to overcome came to the surface, which made you step back with confusion close to indignation. Dr. Byrne seemed neutral despite this, smiling from ear to ear as he watched Emma unsure of what to say and then you, coming to the inevitable conclusion that he was an idiot.

“... I’m afraid that I’m not the best person to expect that. Perhaps the sheriff?” You gave one more chance to get away with the topic, but he shook his head and insisted, keeping that smile that started to scare you off a little. 

“Why wouldn't it be you? Emma told me that you all have an extensive professional partnership. Not to mention the quality of your reports on Ballard's cases.”

“Oh.”

“I just told him that you could explore more of your expertise with the complex cases they work with,” She rushed to add, the glare on your face now clear as the day.

“I see.”

“But I believe, Dr. Byrne, that I also added that she knows how to limit herself to technical reports, all personalized for each context. You saw it yourself, as she was an expert on a case with one of our most senior detectives.” 

Only then, perhaps added to the way you were no longer so interested in being friendly around the subject, did Dr. Byrne step back and nod, praising your ability to remain professional in the work environment or something. You honestly stopped paying attention, eyes swiping over your drink in hand to avoid any signs of clear embarrassment. 

“I’m really excited to start this new journey with you all. See you on Monday?” He turned to you, giving just enough time for your reaction to snap your head up and force a smile. 

“Of course. Welcome to LASD.”

You two shook hands, then he left. 

But Emma stayed. 

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Did you also mention your friendship with Walsh?” You couldn’t help the venom on your voice, which made her sigh. “Very professional, Emma. Very professional.”

“He just did the research, okay? I wasn’t intending to share everything about you guys, but he just came by with a fucking folder with all your names on it. Not to mention what the sheriff told me…” 

Not that you were in a position to speculate, much less to sympathize with whatever she had faced, but Emma lost her neutral posture as soon as he walked away, that you lost some of your irritation and eyed at her suspiciously, seeing her looking around and making sure no one would hear.

“I made a list of recommendations, but he didn't even read them and said that Byrne had already been chosen. Nick came up to me and said that-”

“You talked with Nick about it?”

“See how weird things are,” She rolled her eyes. “I think he feels threatened. Byrne is close to the sheriff, this could undermine O’Brien's freedoms.”

“And is it bad?”

“I don’t know… I mean, when you know how someone operates, it can be easy to guess, but I’ve never been around him enough to be sure of anything.”

“So you’re suspicious because of this,” You concluded and she agreed. With a deep breath, you looked around just as she did minutes before, catching sight of Cillian and Lennon talking. 

“He’s… an academic.”

“He’s a brat,” You shook your head, biting your lower lip while still staring at him from afar. “Older men, high IQs... Just the smell of testosterone bothers me.” 

“It's not like my feminine presence made any difference.”

When you looked at her again, surprised by her condescending tone, Emma was sipping her own drink with some embarrassment. You didn't know if you should give any approval, if you even had the right to do that, but you knew that it was just her trying to have a clearer conscience about what happened. Byrne was going to take over, and she admitted she had misgivings about the guy – it was noble, like a last shred of ethics in the middle of what seemed like a specifically planned transition.

“... You made it easier for Walsh to take over the case once and for all, didn't you?” 

Emma kept quiet, which was enough of an answer. Not knowing what to say, you nodded along in that silence, unsure if you were shocked or just… relieved. 

“I can understand your disbelief in Nick's methods. Take it from me, I had some problems because of it,” You conceded, so she raised her eyes at you sheepishly. “It's hypocritical to say that in parting, but I was upset that you did that knowing that Walsh would somehow throw me into the fire.” 

“You better than anyone could understand that it was an inevitable consequence.”

“I do, that’s why I never tried to make it a big deal all these months. God knows we have a lot to be forgiven for, so… Be careful with Mathias, ‘kay? Just as you’re telling me to be careful with Byrne.” 

It was the closest you and she could get to resolving the problems. In the future, perhaps, you could look at it more coldly and understand that it was too dramatic, but it wasn't the time; at the moment, the two of you have reached a consensus for the greater good.

The kind that included men with a lot of midlife crises.

****

Benny had seen the whole scene, from Byrne approaching you, the jokes he made you laugh at and even the moment he made you throw a look of disgust at him. He shouldn't even be there anymore: he had a date that night, one that would probably result in a good fuck and none of Emma's rascality. Still, as he watched you interact with those people, Benny ended up traveling in thought again.

He thought he missed what you had risked before. You were more relaxed, determined; you had no way of deciding what he was because the two of you barely knew each other. The dress you wore there was similar to the one on your first date, but not the same. If he tried, he could still feel your awkward drunken ways or, with more effort, visualize the result of an alcohol-free night like the one you were having at that party.

Deep down, Benny wanted to feel like a good guy because, for some reason, he didn't want to put you in that trophy position like he did or would do with other women. This comforted him; encouraged him. If he got closer again, if you started a relationship again, he was afraid that he would succumb to the boredom of not being able to hold on to that heroic feeling of having spared you from something toxic, that would soon hurt you or he would hurt himself.

“Are you going?” Connors asked as soon as he felt Benny shift beside him. “She’s gonna say some words.”

So he stayed, both feet firmly planted on the floor as long as he could, watching each other as Emma went up on the small improvised stage to test the microphone and you, who remained in the same place, one arm resting on the bar counter as you looked at the scene with a blank expression.

“You know, I never thought I would go through this before I was 60, but I think destiny is something impressive,” Emma said. “Having to say goodbye to you all is painful, but I know that this new phase will be transformative for all of us. In a positive way, that is.”

You passed your hand (the injured one) over your mouth, as if you were hiding a reaction even though no one other than him was paying attention to you.

“Since I'm not much of a talker and since I know I said my private goodbyes to everyone here, I'd like to recite one of the emails I received from my mentor once I got my position at LASD.”

Everyone got quiet. 

“True peace is only truly achieved when we realize that we cannot be all good and, therefore, we will be villains for some and heroes for others. It’s an unfair and cruel measure, but despite being protagonists of our own stories, our moral compass will not always point in the right direction. It’s up to us, as human beings, to embrace our weaknesses and ensure that, within our obligations, we can do our best. Therefore, our sacrifices will soon be seen as choices, which will or will not shape who we’ll be as people.”

It was only for a second, a thousandth of a second, when Emma finished that corny speech and everyone applauded, that Benny looked at you again and saw that you looked back. It shouldn't have meant anything to you, just like it did to him, but he knew that, perhaps, that adventure should’ve ended before it began.

That was the choice you two made.

****

No pressure tags:

@cheesybadgers

@thoroughlymodernminutia

@seaweeden

@thesandbeneathmytoes

@eclecticfashionbookszipper

@servenas-inner-fangirl

@mysoulisasunflower

[rjshepofftheshits]

Ok real talk tho, here is how they can improve dead space 3 for a remake.

Less focus on saving the world and more focus on the characters. i want to see isaac and ellie try to repair their relationship, i want to see carver go from grumpy git to isaacs friend and i want to see robert norton go from a good man with good intentions to someone who cracks under pressure, not because of some dumb jealousy thing with Isaac. if you were feeling REALLY spicy you could even make Danik a reasonable if categorically wrong man who eventually goes absolutely fruit loops by the end instead of starting out that way.

give isaac more story besides running after ellie. i know saving people, particularly the women in his life is a running theme with mr clarke, we do stan a feminist king. but he was perfectly capable of doing everything in dead space 1 WHILE ALSO looking for Nicole, his every other word wasn't about her. Dead space 3 makes me feel like he is only capable of pining after ellie and that is just not him. Isaac and ellie were together for 2-3 years, he knows her and he knows she can look after herself, it's the rest of the fucking universe that needs his competence and intelligence, not her. and if you must go this way, please don't make it another rescue mission. Again, ellie is a survivor and an intelligent person maybe even as smart as isaac she does not need saving.

also give the girl back her sports bra im sick of the cleavage. how she jumped 3 cup sizes is beyond me.

keep carver in the story but make him either an AI companion or do what NIER : Automata or RE2MAKE did. you play all the way through as isaac, then as carver and then once again as whoever for the ending OR you play all the way to the end as Isaac and then on a second playthrough you can be Carver and the way that you played as Isaac is now how your ai partner isaac behaves.

do not lock Carvers story behind coop missions. i know visceral didnt want to do this, they were made to by ea but still it seems like a dumb move even on their part. Carver didnt need to be there but since he is, why are you hiding that light under a bushel ea???

big one: get rid of the micropayments and retool the fucking weapons and combat. most of the guns are like water pistols and the necromorphs tank hits like brick shithouses. i know SCAF weapons are 200 years old by the time of dead space 3 but like. Isaac is smart enough to make a ripper, a line cutter and a plasma cutter on its own without bolting them together.

do not hide the true ending behind a dlc paywall. i think i was the only person on the planet that actually liked Awakened, better than the base game too. so it pains me to say that it didnt need to exist: either cut it completly and use it as the opening for dead space 4 or merge it into the ending of dead space 3 somehow.

lastly i think the story needs some tweaking. if we look at the progression it goes > outbreak on one ship > outbreak on a station> universe wide outbreaks everyone is doomed. now granted i understand you need to escate things for sequels but i just dont feel the same gravity of the situation in 3 as a did in 1 or 2. we never see the world outside isaacs pov which is fine but i would still like to see some of the world before it got fucked over a picket fence by the unitologists. the only glimpses we get are in text logs and it would make me feel more urgency to save the world if i actually knew what the world was like.

Continuing on with my story point: isaac needs some tweaks. he is a broken and cynical man by 3 which is very fair given all hes gone through but he is also a savior and defender at heart. no, he didnt ask for any of this but since he's stuck in this situation you know damn well he is going to do his best to fix this. I always found it weird that Isaac was essentially suicidal by the time of 3s opening, he was killing himself with indifference and clearly not looking after himself but when Norton comes knocking he still says "find someone else for your suicide mission" outright refusing all of it until ellie is mentioned. why didnt norton open with "ellie is in trouble, she sent us to get you to help" ? and why did isaac flat out refuse if he didnt care about his own life???

all this to say i would very much like to see isaac living a somewhat normal life after 2. ok maybe hes still depressed and alone but hes also still trying to move on, anything better to explain his reluctance to get dragged back into things . Maybe instead of having isaac backed into a corner and avoiding the world it could be more of a case of "i fucking told you so" like the mass effect series. Isaac has spent 2 games telling everyone who will listen "do not fuck with the markers" and now maybe he could be really fucking annoyed that no one has listened and as the only competent man in the galaxy hes got to go sort this shit out on principal.

here also are some things id just like to see.

Isaac struggling with his marker problem less like psychosis and more like a general disability or chronic illness. yes it sucks ass and yes its disabling but hes still a badass despite it. i dont like the wooohhhoooo mental illness scary vibes i get from other marker touched people like stross. thats just not how it works.

isaac with psysical scars from his time in project teleomere/ the hospital in dead space 2. i would like to see him with wounds from the first game healed and also maybe some marker scrawl on him as a permenant reminder of what happened.

id like to see ellie have a more active role or even be a playable character. doesnt have to be a big thing, do something like the born from a wish scenario in silent hill 2, maybe cover the 2 weeks she was lost in space before ds3 takes place.

id like to see the necromorph process slowed down. it happens so fast its almost meaningless, not to mention unbelievable. if it happens over time and the characters can see and react to it happening that has more emotional impact.

In the ending where carver and Isaac get blown off the platform, I want to see them holding hands to stay together.

if i think anymore ill put them in the reblogs or something

but yeah ea hit me up im ready to advise

or if ur not ea and just wana chat shite about dead space you can hit me up too

[moonspirit]

Following my previos ask, leaving beauty aside. Armin admiring Annie's strength, kindness and cuteness is such a sweet thing. Like she is seen as cold and even frightening by many, but for him she is his kind love. :3

Not to mention his happiness (and maybe pride) at her own devious plans like the fake photo in the peace summit.

I woke up feeling

I agree with you anon, and I think that's many of the wonderful things that make Aruani as a ship so beautiful!

There's a lot that Annie cannot see within herself. So much of her life has just hung on the notion that she's a terrible person, incapable of being anything but bad and selfish. There's been nobody to tell her otherwise, and Reiner and Bertholdt certainly didn't help her in this respect even if they stuck together for 3+ years. Obviously this is why it affects her so much when Armin calls her a good person, because that's likely the first time someone who doesn't "actively" mean her any harm sees something in her beyond just her cold exterior and utility. So basically, him being able to read Annie pretty well, even before she starts to let down her walls for him, is definitely a kind of care and love that's very important and vital to her well-being and road to healing, post-rumbling.

From Armin's POV, it's impossible to not see all the cute, adorable, sweet and heart-meltingly beautiful things about her. The way she cares for people, doesn't hesitate to use her strength to protect someone, and is above all, fair and kind and incredibly soft, though she doesn't realize any of this on her own. If it was easy for him to see through her when she still had her defenses up, then it's a cakewalk when she opens up. In her touches, her caring tones, her worried eyes, her harsh scoldings, her desire to keep him safe - all of it tells him she's a beautiful person who deserves to hear it more.

As for the VBEOW part of your ask: ahaha yes xD Annie's by no means any less clever, she has very quick-thinking capabilities and her cynical point of view is a whole-ass defense system of its own, just to name a few. The idea of the fake photograph of course comes to her easily--forgery--just like she did in that Lost Girls OVA where she forged something for Carly Strattman if I'm not wrong.

I'm sure it made the resident devious boy Armin Arlert very proud to see her execute such an underhanded plan haha xD Again! she's so unbearably cute!

[f0point5]

For the whole Chappell Roan thing. It kinda reminds me of Lando like..... you can just not speak on somethings ya know?

I have no issue with famous people speaking out on things but at the same time if you do, you have to be prepared for any of the backlash that might cause. They definitely don't want to be famous for much longer because if I kept calling out of my job/obligations - I wouldn't have a job anymore and what gives any festival organization or concert location much confidence that she wont cancel on them in the future?!

They know they struggle with mental health issues so they could've EASILY said no to all these bookings and commitments and said they'll only do x amount of performances over a certain time. There are ways to manage things and cancelling all the time isn't really one.

I don’t think she is pulling out over the backlash, I guess it’s just a contributing factor to her mental health issues.

But it’s like…music and artists have a very short life cycle nowadays. You’re hot now, if you don’t consolidate your place in the industry no one is going to remember you in two years. Who knows, maybe that’s what she wants. Methinks not though. It’s just…a bit of an eye roll for me because you’ve had this diagnosis longer than fame. Surely you’ve been taking medication or seeing a therapist or a doctor in that time. Surely someone might have cautioned you about continuing on your chosen career path that is literally only trauma and how that might be dangerous for you? Was she considering her mental health when she just kept talking despite the attention it came with apparently being overwhelming for her?

Idk, call me a cynic, but if you keep putting your hand near the fire I don’t have a lot of belief that you just really prefer being cold. Ya know?

You need to be taking care of your health all the time in a way that doesn’t impact the people around you if you can help it, and making healthy choices. It doesn’t really seem like any of that is a priority until she has to actually work?

But hey, I’m not buying tickets to her concerts or booking her for gigs so I guess I’m not a person she has to worry about disappointing. It’s just a bit weird from my pov

[bthump]

I came across this theory on the internet. Would like to know your opinion on this. By the way, I do not want to set you or someone against the author of the theory. I'm just interested in hearing your opinion.🖤

Griffith = Lucifer. Name meaning “Light-Bringer”, “Shining one” etc. Griffith & Lucifer have the same personality and the same goals (ever “longing”). Lucifer has a gang of fallen angels just like Griffith’s apostles. There’s a nice paragraph on Lucifer (after his fall) that correlates well with Griffith: How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, "I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High." But you are brought down to the realm of the dead, to the depths of the pit. Those who see you stare at you, they ponder your fate: "Is this the man who shook the earth and made kingdoms tremble, the man who made the world a wilderness, who overthrew its cities and would not let his captives go home?"

Guts = Jesus/MichaelLucifer is known as the serpent or ”dragon” (he was in the form of a dragon when defeated by St. Michael), meanwhile Gut’s has an aptly named “Dragon Slayer”. In some interpretations, St. Michael, is also Jesus (Jesus being his form on earth).People also see Parallels between Griffith and the Antichrist. Miura has always been deliberate in portraying Gut’s as Griffiths antithesis. Obviously the antithesis to the antichrist, is christ.Jesus sacrifices himself for others (opposite of GH/Apostles). When he dies he goes to Hell, where he releases all of Hell’s captives. Which is one way for the IoE to be defeated I guess. Somehow purifying the vortex of dark souls (Maybe with some elf magic) could’ve been a thing. Send Guts into that heart like a Trojan horse, strapped with a nuke of “goodness”. I’m half-joking.If I use this theory I can almost see a full conclusion to Berserk. Obviously here Guts dies. But avoids suffering in the Vortex. Knowing who the Fifth King is would’ve helped. If we go by the directions it’s the Center (i.e Void), which binds all the other elements (King of the East, King of the West, King of the Void?). Three plausibilities are Void, IoE, unknown Spirit. It’s also possible Void is using the Fifth like a familiar/posession. But I don’t see how the GH can die when they hang around “formless”, are essentially already ”masses of negative thoughts”, born from the vortex, and will probably just come right out if sent there. IoE has to fall.

I've seen the take a lot that Griffith represents Satan or the Antichrist and tbh I don't really buy that.

In my view, knowing what we know from the lost chapter about the nature of Berserk's "God," Griffith seems to me like a basic messiah figure in a cynical universe where God is the collective unconscious of humanity that wants fate to exist so they have something to blame for bad things happening lol. Ganishka seemed to be the story's antichrist figure, as far as that allegory goes, at least from my pov.

I'm not religious so I'm sure that factors into my own takes here and why I don't necessarily see much merit in theories that rely on the understanding that a Jesus expy is the "good guy." I also tend to be skeptical of analysis that relies on a lot of a=b style reasoning. Berserk has allegorical elements, and a lot of references to various mythologies and other stories, but Christianity is only one of them.

That said, there are similarities and I wouldn't be surprised if elements of Lucifer got mixed in with Jesus, among plenty of other inspirations as well, to create Griffith. But I can't really discuss these elements in detail because I'm far from an expert in Christianity.

wrt the last bit, when Griffith killed Ganishka and genre shifted the world into high fantasy, the Godhand stopped being formless and they're now part of the world. I've always theorized that this makes them both more powerful and more vulnerable, and it'll probably factor in to whatever's going to happen with them.

And I don't necessarily think the Idea of Evil has to be destroyed either. It's entirely possible that the climax of Berserk will lead to some sort of paradigm shift that destroys it by changing humanity's ways of thinking - an age of reason kind of deal, maybe - but I don't consider the IoE a villain that needs to be destroyed for the sake of a happy ending, and if I was going to bet I'd just bet on the cycle starting over again with a new set of godhands. But yeah either way I definitely think that humanity has to change to "defeat" the Idea of Evil, rather than destroying the Idea of Evil to change humanity. It's a product of humanity, not the other way around.

Thanks for the ask!

[josdelusions]

Long distance; JB(final)

Warning: Hello everyone, I finally brought the third and LAST PART of Long Distance. I hope you like it!

Remembering that English is not my first language, so sorry for the mistakes. It's also worth remembering that I'm not a professional author and this is just for fun, so be kind.

Based on November 9th chapter five by Colleen Hoover.

YN POV

I was desolate, bitter, lonely, sad, tired and all the bad adjectives possible. As you can tell, I'm not over Jude and I'm still reeling from the end of our relationship, even after a month.

It took a month of going over all the details of that fateful day before he concluded that I was unhappy with our “distance” relationship. But I wasn't unhappy at all, of course the feeling hurt and I made her cry several times, but it's something I managed to "deal with" and I got over it after he came home and we forgot that such longing ever existed.

All those days were a daily struggle, a lion to win and today I'm better and I can carry out my activities without wanting to do something that ruins my image as an independent woman who values ​​herself. But when I was at my worst, I almost bought a ticket to Dortmund online, I almost called his number drunk and sober, and I even tried calling Denise. However, I have amazing friends who were kind enough to change my number and delete all contact I could have had with Jude, even my personal email. At first I was against it, but I think it was better that way, he must have gotten over me by now and maybe all of this was just an excuse to dump me and find someone hotter than me.

Right now I'm at a club in London listening to a guy named Nicholas whose nature is dubious telling me about a hunt he went on in the highlands. In short, I want to ask the bartender for a very large glass filled with Clorox with a little ice. My friends are with their guys somewhere in this hellhole and I just wanted to get out of this horrible conversation with this guy with sausicha breath. Is it too much to ask?

I turn to the side to try to breathe a little and work up the courage to tell Nicholas to shut up when I hear him speak.

"Who are you and what do you want here, can't you see I'm talking to my girl?"

and the person responds

“Sorry to disturb you, but I'm doing a little field research and I was wondering if you could answer a few questions quickly”

That voice. I would recognize that voice in any hypothesis, even in the very high sound of this ballad. It was HIS voice. The angel sent by Lucifer to make me relapse.

When I turned around, startled, there was Jude looking at me with a cynical smile on his face. My hands are cold, my stomach is crazy and I have a slight urge to want to throw myself into his arms right now.

“Okay, let's go,” replies Nicholas.

"What is your name?" Jude asks

“My name is Nicholas Van Curtsen and this is YN”

“Nice to meet you Nicholas and nice to meet you YN”

Jude speaks as matter-of-factly as ever, looking into my eyes like we never kissed on the lips or had wild sex at his parents' house on Thanksgiving.

“So, are you guys dating?”

“Not yet but I’m working on it”

Nich smiles at me and then looks at Jude with a suspicious look.

“What questions are those? This is too personal”

"Well, I'm studying the probability of soulmates" replies Jude

"Soul mates? Is this school work by any chance? God forbid." Jude raises an eyebrow. 

“You don't believe in soulmates?”

Nicholas wraps his arm around me and leans back in his seat.

"Do you really believe that? Are you saying that you met your soul mate?"

Nicholas looks around the room half-jokingly.

“Is she here with you tonight? What is her name? Cinderella?"

My eyes slowly make the journey to Jude's. He's staring at me, and he places his hand on my thigh under the table and strokes it with his fingertips. Okay, I'm getting hot now.

"She's not here with me," says Jude looking into my eyes.

“Actually, I was dating her, but because of my insecurity I was really stupid and I thought she wasn't happy with our relationship and I broke up with her, can you believe that? So I got on a plane and flew from Dortmund, Germany to London just to talk to her.”

Your words are like ice. Beautiful and sharp as a knife. I swallow the A lump in the throat.

“What girl is worth all that just to talk to her?

Nicholas speaks with a laugh on his face

Jude leans back in his chair, but I'm watching his every move.

"Just this one"

He says quietly, to no one in particular. Or maybe his words were just meant for me.

“You know what, Nicholas? You seem like fun, but I decided to come clean before it's too late. I lied, I'm not doing field research. In fact, I came to London looking for someone and I couldn't find her at home and I couldn't even get her on the phone, so I had to take a taxi and go to one of this person's friends and beg her to tell me where she was. and she took pity on me and told me that the love of my life who, by the way, you're sitting next to her, was here at this club. So please accept my sincere apologies, because she's coming home with me tonight. I hope so. “

Jude shoots me a captivating look.

"Please? Otherwise, this speech makes me look like a complete idiot and it won't be good when we tell our grandchildren about it.”

He holds out his hand for me to take and I just take it. I get up and go with Jude leaving Nicholas screaming at the table.

We run out to the parking lot as soon as we get in your car I start.

“Is it serious that you did all that?”

“Yes YN, I have so much to tell you and I'm sorry for being an asshole and breaking up with you. That day I overheard your conversation with your mother and I thought you weren't happy. I was so stupid and rash ,I apologize and if you accept and forgive me I would like to know if you want to come back with me because, I swear, I can't stand being without you. beg your college dean to transfer you to Germany, but I'll do anything to get you back.”

"Yes Yes Yes.! I want you Jude Bellingham, please stop talking and kiss me as soon as I've waited too long for this.”

End!

[thistle-and-thorn]

okay so I’m attempting to watch and just like that s2 because I clearly am a masochist and like.

I just hate hate hate what they’ve done with MY BABY GIRL Miranda so much. WHERE IS HER HUMOR? WHERE ARE HER SPIKES? HER JUDGINESS? HER CYNICISM? HER INDEPENDENCE? She and Samantha were the two with the most casual and open and confident relationships to sex!!! So I just hate it with a burning passion. Not only does her storyline completely shunt my angel child Steve who was the ONLY blue collar person presented as sexually desirable on the original show and the only one given any sort of arc (like, I love her but, ultimately, Magda was a prop), but it does so in a way that reeks of biphobia for me.

Like, I’m glad that there is a bisexual character, I love that there’s a non-binary character, I love that there’s poly representation, etc but the whole storyline of Miranda cheating on Steve, abandoning her family, Che pressuring Miranda into a threesome, Che not disclosing that they were still married?!?! Ummmm I just. It just screams every biphobic thing I’ve heard about us being hypersexual sluts, homewreckers, the myth that every sexual awakening means the breaking apart of a relationship, that bi people are selfish and will hurt their partners, that polyamory means constant breaking of trust and lack of communication, etc. Sex and the City has always had a conservative core to it…ultimately heterosexual and monogamous sex is the goal and like…fine whatever. But for them to tout that SATC is Queer Now feels like a lie, and more insidious than the actively and obviously biphobic storyline about Carrie’s bisexual boyfriend.

AND it makes Miranda’s alcoholism completely irrelevant. Like, it would have so much more interesting to see the show actually mine that storyline and give it the space and respect it deserves. To see how Steve and Miranda and Brady handle that!!! It would have been so much more interesting to see the queer awakening in the two more conservative characters of the original four: Carrie or Charlotte “Comp Het” York. Like Carrie, in a post-Big era, liberated from her own narrow views of sex and romance? Renewing her quest to become a sex anthropologist in middle age? It just goes along with the loss of POV in general. Like, the original’s framing device gave it a perspective and a question to answer about how sex and relationships intersect with all these other areas and experiences in life. All the Issues™️ they are trying to unpack now feel scattershot and fake and like a checklist because they have nothing interesting to say that feels unique to the main thrust of the show. MPK SEE MY VISION

Also, Miranda, you IDIOT when you’re trying to have sex next to someone without waking them up maybe try not to immediately moan so loudly that the neighbors could hear you. The sex scenes have been so bad with them 😭😭😭

[jacksgreysays]

Hey, guess who's got a pair of songs for you? I heard "Cant Stand the Rain" by The Rescues ages ago, and just recently heard "Rain" by grandson & Jessie Reyez. The moment song 2 hit my ears I was like, "These have to be smashed together, somehow." And since I once sent you that prompt for "Thunder and Lightning" and "Thunder", I thought of you. <3

!!!!! <3<3<3<3 Hello, loveelemental!

Okay, after checking out these songs and their lyrics, I just want to say that none of the following is a value judgement—I do like both of these songs that you’ve brought to me—but the POV/personalities of these songs are VERY… hm…

You’ve brought to me two songs that are in a dialogue with each other and, on the surface, could appear to be in opposition with each other. BUT, I do think they’re both rather… cynical in a sense, so they’re not truly opposite ends of a spectrum.

Because, okay, Can’t Stand the Rain is very cynical, post-relationship, everything is bad and I hate it and why should I do anything to change it? “My blackened heart,” “I’d empty [the pots and pans filling with rainwater] out but why?” even the repeating “Love, no such thing as love,” FEELS very “I just got broken up with and I’m going to wallow in my own sadness” not even necessarily “I miss/still love the person I broke up with” but a very selfish, cynical “the world sucks so now I’m going to be miserable.”

Which is certainly one way to handle a break up.

Another way is in Rain, the difference most embodied by “I don’t mind the rain sometimes.” Emphasis on the SOMETIMES. And while the person in this song is slightly less cynical—in that crying/rain is what makes roses bloom and that “it’s better to have loved and lost…” although it doesn’t include the rest of the saying which IS IMPORTANT “than to never have loved at all.”

This person ALSO is wallowing in their own sadness post-relationship but almost… reveling in it? Very emo. A+ They’re literally “making peace with the rain” and “dancing with the pain,” and turning the break up/end of the relationship into a learning opportunity of sorts? It’s not AS cynical but it IS as selfish… or maybe self-centered…

I think what I’m trying to articulate is that both of these songs represent people who are HURT by a break up/end of a relationship, but not necessarily HEARTBROKEN if that clarifies anything at all… Because there’s no YEARNING either for their former partners or even for the relationship itself. It’s just… here is the new normal, how do I react to it.

Now to step away from song analysis, into potential fic writing.

Immediately I can think of two ways to go with this:

The two POVs of the songs are the two people in the relationship that ended and this is how each of them deal with it. Or,

This is the same person after some time has passed.

I’ll be honest, both of them are kind of funny.

Because with (1) it just really shows how, probably, it was the best for the relationship to end considering how selfish the lyrics are on both sides. Rain is slightly more romantic in the sense that it’s “because of this break up I can grow as a person” but it’s still pretty selfish, lol. Like… both of them are stewing in their own misery and meanwhile their respective friend groups (if they have them) are just like, “Oh thank god, they’ve broken up.”

With (2) the less time passing, the funnier it gets. Going from Can’t Stand the Rain into Rain after a week is funny, but after a day? That’s hilarious… I guess you can go in the other direction and it would also be funny—Rain into Can’t Stand the Rain, that is—but regardless the shorter the time jump the better.

I suppose there is option 3) in which these are two people who were in two different relationships and then the fic could be about them learning to be less selfish in love with each other? Or maybe being in love with someone who is as selfish as you and being okay with it? I don’t know.

… I’m trying to think if there’s a pairing for (1) or a character for (2) that would work but I don’t really do comedy, much less this anti-romantic comedy, so the I don’t know if my go to characters really match the genre. Although there is something to be said about how my reluctance to cast anyone into these roles speaks more about me wanting my characters to not be this kind of selfish/self-centered which isn’t accurate to real life. I should probably have more selfish/self-centered character to play around with. Or, rather, I should realize that some of the characters I write DO have the capacity to be this way, I have just been softening/glorifying them without exploring their full personalities.

Then again, I also don’t really write relationships as the main focus? Like, even my shipping fic is more of a method to explore various AUs or themes that aren’t necessarily romance based. Even Dreaming of S(omething,) my ShikakoxGaara series, and which I consider to have some of my most romantic writing in it, is more about how home can change from one place to another, or to a person. How a different environment can reveal as much about yourself as it does the new place you’re in. Even Dreaming of S(elfishness) doesn’t even have them being that selfish and has less to do with jealousy over an engagement and more about, like, establishing clearly what you want rather than just letting something passively come to you and passively watch it go.

Although… while I don’t write much in the (anti-) romantic genre that often, I do LOVE reading about, hm, estranged exes reuniting and having to hash out the mistakes from their past and bittersweetly getting closure before maybe giving the relationship another chance or starting a new relationship knowing the follies of their younger selves. But these songs feel freshly out of the relationship, whereas my preference for estranged exes reuniting usually has the benefit of years (if not decades, I do love when it’s like… ex high school sweethearts meeting up as full grown adults) in between the break up and the reunion.

If these songs are the initial response to the break up and part of the aforementioned youthful follies, then… okay. So I’m still kind of in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint headspace, and while I MOST love Yoo Joonghyuk x Kim Dokja estranged high school exes reuniting, the dichotomy of these two songs FEELS more like what Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah would throw at each other in a fight.

Like, Can’t Stand the Rain feels like Han Sooyoung’s response to the break up—an almost destructive, heedless misery—whereas Rain would represent Yoo Sangah’s external perfection versus her internal flaws. Like the argument would contain:

YSA: At least I didn’t go around making my misery everyone else’s problem. HSY: Oh, as if you’re any better Miss Every Experience Is A Learning Opportunity, bullshit!

Like, I don’t know the whole argument, but that’s the vibe I’m feeling…

Surely there’s another couple that embodies this dynamic in my usual fandoms, but I am STRUGGLING to think of them for now…

And then, unfortunately, as I was writing this, I realized (2) was pretty much just 500 Days of Summer so… ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Probably not what you were looking for, loveelemental, but I appreciate you reaching out :D

[kendrixtermina]

Another Thing Chibnall can't do right: Audience Surrogates

I'm going to start this last rant with one illustrative question: Why isn't Ryan Sinclair popular?

He is consistently considered the blandest out of a cast of terribly bland, flavorless characters, but why?

Cause let's look at a purely 'theoretical' description of his character: He's a warehouse worker who experienced dicrimination & frustrating shit because of his disability & racism, he has a messy complicated family situation that he's salty about, he likes videogames, experimental music and making youtube videos.

On paper, he sounds like Mr. Relatable Millenial. Why didn't ppl eat his character up? Cause it's not like there isn't an appetite for it, ppl had been clamoring for black main characters, disabled peeps, more working class protags, what have you. There's demand.

Now I generally consider 'Relatable' a a false god & I'm the first to get angry when someone argues all characters need to be 'relatable everymen'. RTD loved that trope a lot & then ppl got mad when Moffat wasn't RTD and loudly proclaimed that no real person would relate to Moffat's characters (I guess I don't exist then...), it always pisses me off when ppl claim their experiences are universal or that they will only care about characters who are similar to them as if experiencing the PoVs of other wasn't the point of storytelling.

So the issue is NOT that I think all characters need to be Relatable Everymen. The issue is that Chibnall tried to write one & failed spectacularly.

I wanna argue that the reason for this is that he doesn't know who the audience is, and that he treats the supposed audience with mockery & condescension.... though really, most of all, he's simply out of touch with it. To make an audience surrogate type character & have it land, you need to correctly understand the audience.

Notice what tone is present when something from pop culture is referenced - for example, when Tzim Sha's victim is listening to affirmations on his headphones, its looking to be mocking ppl who do that.

Ryan shows more emotion about things being deleted from his phone than his life being threatened, landing on an alien planet or finding a desolate future earth. "Haha millenials obsessed with phones!" ...who is that joke FOR? What feelings is it likely to evoke towards Ryan?

'Climate Change Bad' is treated like it would be a totally new idea to Yaz & Ryan, who are supposed to be part of a generation that grew up with climate anxiety all their lives as a reason to be cynical

The Doctor needs to lecture them about who Nicola Tesla is, they're treated as having no clue... even though there's, like, a car brand named for him & loads of tumblr posts.

Likewise, Ryan needs to be lectured by everyone about who Rosa Parks was

etc. etc.

The same refrain all over again: Young people are dumb, young people are silly, we wrote these characters as dumb & silly because that's what we think YOU GUYS are like.

Does anybody LIKE being called dumb & silly? Are people likely to like the character used to represent their dumbness & sillyness?

I get the need to maybe exposition things for young viewers, but that can probably be contrived in some way without making the characters you're supposed to like seem dumb. With the Nikola Tesla thing, for example, how about having Graham have no idea who he is? I don't mean make him ignorant, but genuinely interested to learn.

By contrast, let's look at some other 'relatable youngster' characters & how they're treated:

Rose Tyler very much evokes a typical mid 2000s mainstream pop culture, with her bleach blonde hair & bleached flared jeans etc. You can easily imagine that she probably dyed her hair to copy Britney spears, Kylie Minogue or Christina Aguilera, like a lot of girls back then. She effectively winds up in one of the fantasy romance stories that were popular back then. She gets what's kind of a wish fulfillment story of finding out she has the potential to be badass & make a difference after being treated as a fuckup.

Courtney Woods is a rebellious teen considered difficult by her parents/teachers & labelled a 'disruptive influence'. When she introduces herself as such, the Doctor instantly likes her & respects her rebel cred. She is treated as having great intuition & being unintimidated by effective authority figures such as Clara... and that's cool & an opportunity for Clara to learn. Likewise, when he off-handedly says something that hurts her feelings, it is not played as an an 'oversensitive teen' joke but rather Clara makes the Doctor apologize & make it up to her. We are also told that despite struggling with a rigid environment at school, she becomes succesful later in life because of that same strong personality.

Rose Noble is sort of the typical image of gen Y, complete with colorful hair & pronouns. She is really into arts & crafts, makes those 'creepy cute' plushies that she sells online, but in her IRL surroundings she experiences bullying. You can easily imagine her having an AO3 or a crafts-themed tiktok. She is in one of those 'found family wholesome hurt/comfort' stories that are popular nowadays & has the protective mom many teens wish they had.

To summarize:

Their experiences are validated & affirmed, not mocked

pop culture references are used to characterize them & connect them to the audience

From the framing it's clear that we're supposed to like these characters and that they're awesome. That doesn't mean that they don't have flaws or insecurities (indeed those are a big part of what make them relatable) but they're the kind of insecurities someone in their life situation would have. (Rose T. is a tad jealous cause she worries about her love interest finding someone more impressive, Courtney doesn't show insecurity but responds by acting out, but has a thing about being unimportant/not special, Rose N. feels alienated from her peers & out of place)

the stories they get cater to wish fullfillment, which is possible due to knowledge of what these groups of people like

It would have taken a half hour google search for Chibnall to find out what the wishes & dreams of someone like Ryan would look like. IDK, find some blog posts by warehouse workers, ppl with dyspraxia, millenials etc.

One thing that's been pointed out for example is that we never really see WHY Ryan wants to learn to ride a bike. If it's just to please his parental figures, wouldn't a better arc be that they realize he doesn't need to be able to do that just to prove he can and appear "normal", rather than 'look he concentrated & climbed a ladder after all!' Like many actual disabled ppl say they're annoyed about 'shaking off the disability' type stories.

Or, he could relate to getting the chance to adventure as an escape from his lowkey dystopian frustrating life where he deals with many unfair things, or latch onto the Doctor as a mentor after losing his parental figures, or maybe worry that someone who struggles with some physical activities isn't a fit for adventuring but then realize that he can contribute in other ways like asking good questions & thinking. (especially when Yaz is a better fit for the action scenes as someone who presumably had police training)

You could have an interesting unique team dynamic this way:

Yaz could be the competent, badass one, but believing in order & authority tends to just follow/ hero worship the doctor eventually leading into the bit where she develops a crush on her, Graham is the caution/common sense similar to Rory or Donna, maybe looking to protect the younger protags but also gradually having his horizons broadened, and Ryan could get to be the heart & emotional core of the group & the one who questions the Doctor more due to being more jaded from his shitty life while also wanting to escape from it...

Like. If you gave the same list of character traits to a more competent writer, you could've ended up with such complex, dynamic & interesting characters that ppl would have been all over.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I've been thinking about Obi Wan And Politics and how that played out with teenage Anakin because of reasons, so.

Obi Wan doesn't talk about the overall state of affairs or share his political opinions all that much. He doesn't comment much on the happenings of TPM, just gets on with the task and gives Qui Gon a bit of shit for being difficult with the council.

In Aotc he's not one of the characters with a lot to say about these things either- mostly, he just chides Anakin for idealizing Padme and Palpatine, and expresses his cynicism about politics. He's very clearly not blindly optimistic about the state of the republic, nor does he have an authoritarian deference to Republic power and wisdom. But he's not a radical. He's not coming up with new systems over picnics, he's not part of the council's conversations with the Chancellor, despite his disillusionment with the senate he doesn't seem particularly disillusioned by the reveal that Dooku's "political idealism" was full of shit, which I would might assume the council members who defended him previously could be. He accepts the shift into active warfare without much more than a comment about how it's true that without the clones they wouldn't have gotten out alive.

That… I'm going to call it pragmatic sanguinity remains in RotS. There are several characters who get to look disturbed by things in the build-up, but he's not really one of them. He's very secure in his allegiance, and is ready to go along with Mace's direction. He's not having an identity crisis over this. So.

-I think maybe Obi Wan is someone who's not gotten deeply philosophical over political theory. BUT: -I think maybe that in his life, Obi Wan has been close to a lot of people who have gotten deeply philosophical over political theory, and who have used him as their rubber duck of political theory, and also he had to take a class about it at some point. -Which is to say that I think that Obi Wan knows the theory. Understands the theory. Is not interested in devoting more of his own headspace to it. -He also knows the problems. He doesn't believe he's living in a utopia or the best of all possible worlds. -He's not casting himself as the main character who will solve them - or anyone singular person. He has his role, and he'll do his best. -I think maybe in one sense, he's similar to Anakin- he outsources his political theory. He's loyal. He's fine with being a soldier. -But he does understand what he's doing it all for, on a theoretical level. That's why he's comfortable with the contradictions. It's why he can be cynical about politics but also 'support the status quo' so to speak.

Does that make sense?

But then the thing with Anakin, is that he's getting the cynicism, but he's not getting the in depth version in the same way- except from Palpatine, who has an agenda. I'm not suggesting that Obi Wan never tried to teach Anakin, because he clearly did, but… there isn't that authenticity. I think there was room for Anakin to conclude that Obi Wan had never put much thought into these things anyway, just following the will of the council- even though that's not entirely fair. Maybe even just the fact that he's not torturing himself over this stuff is alienating for Anakin, who can then dismiss his pov.

This is absolutely something Palpatine can reinforce and then twist. Usually, Palpatine undermines Obi Wan for Anakin- sowing doubt about his affection, his confidence in him. But in this, Palpatine can say oh, Obi Wan is right, there's so much corruption, look at all these problems the republic has, look at this nonsense- and add his own slant, that the only way to fix it is to destroy it and start again- and imply whatever he likes about why Obi Wan isn't advocating for that. He can say, your master is quite insightful, and he's correct. Don't resent him for not having all the answers, young man, that's too much to expect from a young knight. This is a question that has floundered many people... I have had a few thoughts myself...

So Anakin understands half of Obi Wan's pov. And the thing is, that at nineteen, it's not that big of a deal that Anakin is figuring things out for himself. It's not that big of a deal that he's seeking other perspectives. He's only nineteen. He does need to figure things out for himself. BUT. but. It's all fun and games until that outside perspective is Palpatine and he's got a sick scenario for you.

[freckleslikestars]

like my father loves my mom

Jackson POV ficlet inspired by the song Like My Father by Jax (go watch the music video (and maybe grab some kleenex because it always makes me cry))

714 words, read here on AO3

His parents growing up were very private in their love. A kiss on the cheek before work in the morning, again in the evening after work. Tender smiles and warm hugs. Theirs was a quiet love; ordinary. It wasn’t the love of great novels, nor of overly emotional films. Poems wouldn’t be written about them. They didn’t cry it from the rooftops or kiss in public. High school sweethearts; grew up together, went to church together, got married and had a child together. Roses on valentine’s day. That, Jackson believed, was how adults loved. Sensibly and quietly, with everyone having their own chair in the living room and the constant presence of gold bands on ring fingers. In his more cynical moments, adults loved boringly.

And then he met them.

He bought her calla lilies – her favourite – home just because. Post-its littered the house, sometimes with a smiley face or a heart along with a message to have a good day or take the bins out; other times with filthy little notes about what she would do to him if he remembered to pick up strawberries and ice cream from the store.

They were touchy, never within arm’s reach of one another without being in physical contact with one another, and he learned early on that in the aftermath of any fight, no matter how big or small, he should disappear to his room with his headphones blasting at top volume, else he hear things he really wished not to.

Date night was Monday, because apparently their first date had been a Monday, and consisted of anything from star-gazing to mini-golf: never sushi, though.

He opened every single door for her, placed his hand on her back as they walked. Kissed the back of her neck and fleck of silver as it started to show amongst the autumn gold, made jokes about fine wines and cheeses. Occasionally she’d parry back with a joke about sleeping bags.

She always put sunflower seeds at the top of the shopping list whilst he always bought the real cream cheese and not the lite cream cheese, even though she’d ostensibly complain. Before dinner every night they walked around the property, hand in hand, and after dinner they’d curl up together in the armchair that used to be her father’s and read or watch a film. They’d work together when cooking because she always burnt the food and he always made a chaotic mess of the kitchen. And when the right song came on the radio they’d drop whatever they were doing to dance around the living room, dopey looks on their faces as they gazed into one another’s eyes and laughter filling the air as he whispered in her ear and squeezed her ass.

He’d make a joke about how old they were and in perfect synchronicity, they’d stick their middle fingers up at him without even looking or he'd get two couch cushions thrown at his head with perfect aim.

On rainy Sundays, they’d play board games and she’d let him win chess whilst he let her win Scrabble, and on sunny weekends they’d drive out to the coast or into the mountains, sleep in the tent or the car or under the stars. They teased and ribbed each other with jokes thirty years old that he had no hope of understanding.

He’d watched as she’d caught her reflection with a displeased frown and a tilt of her head, watched as he’d noticed and told her how hot she was, told her she still had some ‘scoot in her boot,’ murmured sweet nothings into her ear until she laughed and kissed him and jumped up into his arms to cling onto him like a koala.

He watched as they taught his little sister just how loud love could be, just how much she should be treasured by whatever partner she had in the future. He watched as she grew into someone who loved so freely he was constantly terrified she would get hurt. And when he voiced those fears, asked them how they managed to avoid the pain, they smiled at him softly and held one another close, told him how the pain was unavoidable, but that love – real, true love – was worth every ounce of it.

 Tagging @today-in-fic

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[sleepyowlwrites]

Hi another question, if I may to hang on that other anon. Do you have any tips about making metaphors, poems and such pretty writing like yours?

step 1 - just write a bunch.

write a bunch of metaphors that are kinda lame, write a bunch of poetry that is not good, write a bunch of half-formed thoughts that could be poetic but maybe aren't so much. just write things that feel poetic to you at the time, and the more you write, the more you'll have a feel for things like rhythm, rhyme, simile, and punch.

step 2 - write a bunch in a certain style.

I did this step by accident, but I'm glad I did because it helped me figure out the kind of poetry I like to write the best, and the kinds of metaphors I prefer.

I love very sensory stuff, drawing allusions to nature, breathing, senses, and dreams. I'm an emotional person, and I love finding new ways to express and explore emotions in words. I went through phases where I would write a bunch of poems about a certain topic, or that didn't rhyme at all, or that always had four lines to a stanza, etc. I figured out what I wanted to write about.

step 3 - realize what makes sense.

there are a lot of writers who use metaphors that sound pretty but don't make a ton of sense in context, or make sense for a certain character to be saying/thinking that. make the metaphor match the narration style. I'll find some examples for you.

Ghand puts a hand on his shoulder and it’s unexpected but grounding, the weight of it allowing Dair to draw breath into his body. “I know you were forced,” he says next, another surprise.

“You know?” Dair asks, too tired to be hopeful but the sensation brimming up from his stomach anyway.

this is from Dair's point of view, and he's a pretty simple character. he thinks about things directly, and even though he overthinks, he doesn't have a very expansive imagination. so the narration matches this and the comparisons made are simple and direct.

“You are a killer.” The voice was smooth, soft, gliding along her spine like an unseen snake ready to bite. “What makes this one any different?”

this is from Rhea's point of view, and she's much more creative and has a vivid imagination. she feels things much more expansively, viscerally, so that's reflected in her narration. this is a very specific metaphor/description, one that references her expectations of people and her cynical nature.

metaphors and descriptions can and should, I think, reflect the people who are thinking of them. all narration is from somebody's point of view, and if there's an omniscient narrator, then the metaphors should be somewhat cohesive all the way through.

I'm going to borrow from an ask game I did to finish this off:

How do you write a really good metaphor?

You write a lot of crappy ones first. You observe things around you, test things out in person. What are the sensory things that stand out to you, what do you notice in the way people speak or how they hold their shoulders? What are things that bring up an instant image and don’t just sound pretty. A good metaphor is not just an expanded image but an expanded explanation. It enhances the text in width and depth. And it should make sense for whoever is thinking it. If you don’t have an omniscient narrator, make sure that the pov we’re currently in is someone who would compare someone’s laughter to a slight breeze or a silence to something that wraps around your throat in a chokehold. And then, the more you use them, the easier they’ll come to you. Not every metaphor has to have weight, or mean something big, but it has to earn its place in the text.

and yeah, hope this answers your question.