#I know this i work with old books
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Not to ruin anyone’s book lover aesthetic dreams but old books really don’t smell that great.
#quite contrary#I know this i work with old books#once you smelled a book from 1706 that’s been quietly wasting away in an old basement it really ruins the illusion#writer speaks
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I have some questions about karaoke night, Alex Hirsch. Very Important Questions. Which I will happily scream at a poor hapless baby triangle who can have no answers for me, and possibly also does not have object permanence yet.
Follow-up that is I guess suggestive, but let's be real here, Bill's a fucking triangle:
Dude slipped right into his birthday suit, lmao
this is so stupid :D
Anyway, I don't care what anyone says, this brilliant individual knows what's up - Bill is absolutely way more of a monsterfucker than Ford could or ever will be, full stop.
#fanart#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#gravity falls#book of bill#i watched gravity falls because i was curious about all the Toxic Old Man Yaoi on my dash and wanted context#turns out most of the context was in the book of bill tho lmao#look they either banged or married or both while drunk and i will accept no other possibilities#you don't use the phrase 'and one thing led to another' in a PRIVATE JOURNAL if what happened wasn't salacious in some way#i mean - ford didn't exactly grow up in The Most Inclusive Time Period???#dude was probably like 'gotta use this wording for plausible deniability - NO ONE can know i boinked the talking triangle'#in other news - i must bully the baby billy#don't know how much more GF stuff i'll toss up here but i have a few other little scribbles in the works. probably won't color them tho lol#also don't ask me why bill's bowtie stays where it is despite his “pants” being under it. just. just fucking don't ok???#EDIT: oh and since i see this a lot in this fandom for some reason: DO NOT REPOST THIS PLZ K THX :D
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public libraries are so crazy man. like you’re telling me I can read this book for free
#not plonts#since I no longer work at the university I lost my access to the university library#which is a massive F but it means I have been going to the public library#and you know what. it’s a good vibe#they do not have the hyperspecific plant research books I was checking out from the old library but dude it’s so nice#at the public library there are also old ladies playing mahjong and kids going NO WAY over a dinosaur book etc
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Armand is someone who has been has been trained (in brothels, by Marius, and by 500+ years worth of life experience) to adapt himself to what the people around him want. Throughout seasons 1-2, different people get very different versions of Armand, depending on who they are and who’s retelling the story at the time.
It’s the primary way Armand protects himself, whether he’s a teenage sex slave or the oldest, strongest person in the room. It’s how he controls people. Fundamentally, it’s the only way Armand knows to make people love him (an approximation of love at least). Worse, it’s the only way Armand knows how to love — by twisting and contorting himself into whatever form he thinks his current obsession wants or needs him to be. He even does it to his victims for crying out loud.
And then here’s Daniel, who is constantly seeking authenticity and truth. Who’s bullshit detector is never “off”. Who cannot tolerate any kind of masquerade, manipulation or lie – no matter how kind or well intentioned. Not out of any moral or ethical objection, but because Daniel simply cannot leave things well enough alone once something attracts his attention. He has to know. He has to see where it goes and how it ends.
“It’s my job, I’m built this way”
“It’s in your nature, Mr Molloy. Couldn’t get out the door without lobbing one more bomb.”
Daniel knew something was off about “Rashid” from the beginning, so he began to pick the situation in Dubai apart until Armand revealed himself. And then he kept going until he completely destroyed the narrative Armand had spent 77 years constructing.
Daniel deliberately and systematically pulled “Armand, Amadeo, Arun” apart and laid him bare with nothing but but a laptop, some free time, a near-suicidal disregard for his own personal safety and a mouth that just wouldn’t quit.
There’s power in being seen, in being known, ugly parts and all. What would it feel like, to be completely exposed like that for the first time in centuries?
So yeah it makes sense to me that Armand, who puts on all these acts and artifices to draw people in, but which only serve to ensure they’re kept at a distance, would turn his big sad orange eyes on the person who blew them all to smithereens and be all “…I wanna do this forever, actually.”
#this is word vomit but follow along on the journey anyway#armand’s bullshit doesn’t work on daniel and after 500+ years it must be terrifying and liberating all at once for armand#like to what extent does armand even know who he is under everything?#how can you be so old and yet have such a fragile sense of self?#and yet here we are#meanwhile daniel ‘dude i know who you are and you’re an ASSHOLE’#it lines up with book!devils minion where daniel sees armand as a predator and a monster and loves him any way#daniel molloy#armand#devil’s minion#armandaniel#amc interview with the vampire#amc iwtv
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everything is the same except Odile is the one looping
oh. heheheheh. muahahahaha. hold on *digs through my pile of disorganized sketches*
Odile loops au; a sketch compilation!!
Some old fic drabbles + associated sketches under cut (a6 secret spoilers):
hc: Since equipment carries over, as long as Odile uses her book in a fight, she can write down notes and have it carry over loops
toxic doomed yuri (for a more fleshed out fic I highly recommend The Sweetest Thing by soreimoon, it's amazing)
#isat#odile loops au#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat odile#odile timeloop au#congrats on unleashing the hell gates of odile looping au!!! I've thought about it a bunch!!!!!#contexts:#candy is a reference to sasasap i think. not sure if odile likes candy though#i think it'd be funny if odile struggled with understanding how shields work for a bit. she spends several loops asking mirabelle for help#I think odile would actually spend more time in the loops once she's sure she can just loop again. They're not actually in a rush after all#and she might as well maximize her loops#under cut:#she leaves all of her excess books with loop. Loop has another thing to do while waiting#yes loop is still you know who in this one#toxic doomed yuri is just very self indulgent teehee thanks discord folks#not depicted: I also think that the more loops she does the more she views them as experiments#with variables to control and test#that's where she starts falling off the deep end and start testing stuff like. not warning siffrin about the rock#(instantly regrets it though. loops back the first time she tries)#day 26 today?#A big one! Have funnn#you can tell some of these are really old by the different colored background lmfao#isat au
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I see a lot of posts about Danny seeing Jason and immediately thinking he’s a baby ghost and wanting to adopt him but what if it’s the other way around?
What if Jason sees Danny and is hit with oh my god that’s a baby, who left a baby unattended out on the street?? He needs help, gotta protect him, mine, yeah he’s mine now, I got u lil guy don’t worry
Meanwhile 15 yr old Danny is like um hi?? And promptly gets kidnapped. But he just lets it happen because he’s actually feeling the safest he’s ever felt in his life with this guy, and Danny’s core immediately recognizes Jason as parental figure and just relaxes Danny 100%
Jasons feeling like Danny is a helpless baby while Danny feels safe, protect, calm, safe, relax, and he just lets Jason take him home. Neither are really sure why or what is going on with them but they’re not gonna stop it.
I think it’s because Danny’s own parents kinda suck and any other ghost that he’s interacted with he’s had to fight in some capacity or has been spooked by them. Jason’s the only one who 1) wanted to parent him and 2) has good vibes. Danny’s usually waiting for fights to happen and he’s very stressed. Jason calms him down so much he probably falls asleep before they even get to Jason’s apartment, full trust that Jason will take care of him.
Meanwhile Jason never really connects with his pit side, but really wants to find some way to have a truce. Cue Danny, and both Jason and the Pit turn to protectiveness and so the rage becomes more protection and Jason yk, might be kinda lonely and wanting something to take care of. He was probably thinking about getting a cat and not a kid but he’s not complaining
#Jason asks Alfred how to care for a baby and the whole batfam panics#they think he adopted/had an actual baby human child#they panic buy a bunch of baby stuff and parenting books and make a room for the kid in the manor on the chance that they come over#Bruce is proud but also wanting to know everything about the situation#Alfred is like how old is the child#Jason’s like ‘he’s so small’🥺😭#Danny is 15 but so very short compared to 6+feet tall Jason#bats storm Jason’s apartment to find a small tired teenager sleeping on the couch with a bunch of blankets#they’re a little disappointed it’s not a baby but still happy for Jason#bats are like that’s not a baby#Jason’s like yes he is 😭❤️#danny phantom#Jason Todd#dc x dp#undead dad#Jason adopts the ghost king lol#does that make him king and Danny prince??#I think jason would be older since he died before Danny so he’s been dead longer and this an adult while Danny had only been dead a year#idk how it works but it works okay#dcxdp
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me: do you guys have a nickname you call me?
gods: yeah
me: can you spell it out for me?
gods: *everyone is yelling the letters at the same time*
me: this shit is just gibberish please speak one deity at the same time okay? Apollo please go first
Apollo: fcorcj
me: are u sure its even a word
Apollo: yeah just search it
me: *finds an old book after half an hour and finds the meaning*
me: decoration?
Apollo: yeah :)
me: okay? Aphrodite?
Aphrodite: c / o
me: oh this is actually adorable thank you
Aphrodite: :)
me: Dionysus its your turn
Dionysus: apdedi
me: addition?... just call me a trinket man /j
Dionysus: lmao
me: Marzanna do you have one for me too?
Marzanna: yeah:)
me: is it in polish?
Marzanna: no:)
Marzanna: amndcp
me: a cactus needle...?
Marzanna: lololol
me: be so for real do you guys see me as your cat?
gods: yeah lol
me: alright Bastet?
Bastet: hxddbe
me: is it even a real word?
Bastet: yeah but you will only find it in an old ass book lol
me: can you spell the meaning in english?
Bastet: nah :3
me: do you guys enjoy making fun of me? /j
gods: yeah <3
#pagan#paganism#witchcraft#deity work#greek gods#aphrodite#aphrodite devotee#bastet#bastet devotee#morana#morana devotee#apollo#apollo devotee#dionysus#dionysus devotee#hellenic deities#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenism#kemetism#kemetic#rodzimowiercza wiara#rodzimowierstwo#rodnovery#theyre laughing at me as im writing this post#i guess im their keychain now lmao#ive yet to know the meaning of the word Bastet called me#if someone knows what this means please tell me#i dont want to search old ass books#what the fuck does that mean
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was today years old when discovering that the eleventh doctor wears leather trousers. his trousers are made of black leather. Black leather with the ends rolled up and I. have no idea what to think-
#what do you mean he is wearing BLACK LEATHER TROUSERS#all this time I thought it was denim but I just saw his Children In Need short and? they really are? black leather?#exactly like the books and articles describe. he is wearing black leather#ON HIS LEGS#I genuinely thought oh ha! tweed old man jacket with elbow patches. cotton shirt. braces and bow tie. boots. precious man#denim trousers#BUT NO. NO. hear me. listen to me. that sideways old man babyface is wearing black leather trousers. do you know what that makes him?#COOL. do you know what that also makes him? STUPID#he's even more ridiculous than I thought he was. who does that. like the tweed and the bow tie and the elbow patches were all quirky#all eccentric and geek chic and niche and moffat and the costumers really tried to create a very OBVIOUS caricature#but it worked and it came together to look exactly how it was supposed to look okay. but. BUT.#it is all sitting on top of cleverly-disguised. barely-referred-to. blink-twice-and-you'll-miss-them-#black leather trousers. *inhale with me* matt smith in his mid-twenties dressing as a geek chic alien grandfather. IN BLACK LEATHER TROUSER#NEEEERRRRD#eleventh doctor#doctor who#doverstar's thoughts#text post#funny#read the tags#opinion piece#I guess?#eleven#11#11th doctor#11th#dw#bbc#matt smith#steven moffat
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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.
#leverageposting#leverage#sophie devereaux#particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school#or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think#she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks#she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself#as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund#her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s#bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random#hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times#in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer#enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth#name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg
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waiting for marvel to take you up as their comic artist so that we can have amazing art with cherik official storyline
marvel hire me to draw professor x and magneto making out sloppy style for forty issues straight you will get a BAJILLION dollars i promise
#fave#snap chats#'professor x' what are you a cop. moving on#vjeLKVJEALKV thank you much my friend one can only dream .....#you know whats so funny tho this just reminds me how like. My Number One Cheerleader was my highschool english teacher#she also ran the comic club in case thats relevant. because i was a part of that club OBVIOUSLY#i used to want to be a comic book artist but now i dont but anyway as a part of this club we'd have to draw comics sometimes#and alllll the time my teach would be so happy to get my stuff and she'd always be like#'[Snap] please promise me you'll never give up comics i want to read a comic from you one day' and stuff like that#i think id throw up laughing if i got to email her one day like 'omg hey teach 1.) im not a moody teenager anymore#2.) i got to work for marvel check it out <3' and i have to send her old man yaoi JLVKEJLKAEVJE#FUNNIEST TIMELINE IN THE WORLD I'D ACTUALLY DIE LIKE PLEAAAASSEE THATS ALL I COULD EVER WANT IN LIFE#on the realest note tho i didnt appreciate her enthusiasm enough. i wish i could tell her thank you someday#i think of her a lot whenever im in the dumps about my work she really is one of my biggest motivators#like i guess i COULD just shoot an email. maybe if i actually do something cool with comics or something#i dont even know if she remembers me so it'd just be bizarre wouldnt it#ANYWAYS. sappy story time's over theres a matcha crepe cake with my name on it BYYYYYEEEEE
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I think we should be allowed to burn corporations to the ground
even aside from all the current residuals&streaming availability fuckery, I was looking at 978-0786847655 one of the Disney Fairies books with some lovely illustrations and the artists listed are
The Disney Storybook Artists
That’s nothing. That’s less than nothing. I want names and proper credits. SO many books are published by the mouse with only this catch all name listed for worlds of work. What if I want to track down the artists and support their individual work? Do you keep them in a cave and not let them see the sun? Or do you just not believe in proper crediting.
‘oh but there was probably a contract and they were surely paid’ yeah and ???? paid how much what about residuals are the artists even allowed to put these books on their work history since without their name credited anywhere. The contract or job listing or internship clause or whatever tactic disney uses to get away with this is scummy while sure this type of thing should be low on the list of priorities on how to de-shitify the world, it should be on the list.
yes some of the artists who have worked on the franchise are listed on the artofdisneyfairies tumblr, but that’s a fan account and it’s incomplete. A book should have full proper credits in it
The corporation may own the art but they didn’t make it and they shouldn’t hide who did the work as neither artists nor ‘consumers’ benefit from that.
#disney#corporation#copyright#disney fairies#illustrations#if anyone knows anything about what the deal with this job is i'd be interested to hear about it#i would also like the name(s) of the artists but that is secondary to my outrage about respecting your artists enough to give them credit#been looking at old childhood book illustrations and hey! just bought the ruth sanderson artbook!#because I know who illustrated my copy of 12 dancing princesses!#disney kids can't fucking do that#this feels like when video games dont fully credit everyone who worked on a project#the credits are how people prove they've worked this type of job before!
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When I was very small and I didn't feel good, my mom used to make up stories to tell me. Books were nice but didn't tell me the things I wanted to know about most. I didn't get to explore them unless it was in my own imagination. And that's fun, but being told stories is better in a lot of ways. So I would ask her to tell me stories about Peter Rabbit or Robin Hood, or any other character I really loved. I would tell her what I wanted the story to be about, and she would make it up, and I could stop her anytime and ask her for more details, or to change something. I'm sure this was occasionally frustrating for her, but it's something I really enjoyed. I think it was probably part of what made me want to become a writer.
I don't feel good tonight. I'm too drained to read. Audiobooks aren't the same as somebody sitting with me and telling me a story.
I don't wish for my mom to be around very often, and I'm not really wishing for that now. But I do wish I had somebody to sit with me and be kind and make up stories for me until I feel well enough to get up and do it for myself.
#anyway yeah if you have kids story time is one of the most important things you can do with them#you don't have to make up stories out of whole cloth like my mother did#I know that's a lot of work#but reading books or telling stories or talking about your past or your family's story#all that kind of thing#it sticks with your kids in a way that really matters#I was maybe 5 years old?#even if I'd lost my mom really young I would still remember all that story time#rambling again#screaming endlessly into the void
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I've only read the first volume of Dungeon Meshi but I'm convinced Laios and Marcille are both autistic but two EXTREMELY different flavors of autism, so much so it enables autistic PVP (one sided, Laios is unaware, possibly due to the autism)
#dungeon meshi#LIKE. WITH LAIOS it feels like a v obvious conclusion to come to hc wise but marcille.......#i vaguely know there's some stuff going on where i can guess at a few things (absorbed through osmosis) (as little spoilers as possible)#but to me she is so tryhard autism coded. getting frustrated w herself when she's slower/can't keep up w her peers/friends#physically limited. feeling the need to prove herself/scared of weighing down her allies. needs to do things 'by the books'.#stubborn streak. can accidentally say offensive things due to bluntness/overcompensation becoming an ego#she's even a picky eater.#meanwhile laios said 'hyperfixating isn't enough i need to eat it' and he fucking meant it.#honestly you could probably make an argument for any of them (main cast) being autistic. as with an hcs in general LMFAO#so much love for senshi as well. epitome of being an older dude w a niche interest and seeing an autistic young man#and going 'yeah okay. i can take you under my wing.'#all of this is so real and HAS happened to me (even being plucked up by an old man who noticed my aimless demeanor and put me to work)
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@fenglianweek day 6: memories/growing up
the best thing thats ever been mine
#tgcf#xie lian#feng xin#fenglian#fenglianweek24#my art#full color#I SPENT SOOO LONG ON THIS ONE... like not long for me. fast for me! but compared to the other ones ive done for flw. long.#this has been a few weeks of work and im very happy with how it turned out! tried to be thoughtful about how i approached the colors#and i think it really paid off! theres SO MANY COLORS in the pants im so proud of all the fabric in this...#that white fabric has so. many colors. it makes me super happy#also some of the fallen petals make hearts. btw >:o)#idk if they translate well but feng xin has top surgery scars!!! theyre both trans but xie lian is a cultivator so. he just uses magic#i KNOW when he first learned transformation magic he like BOOKED IT to feng xin to show him like 'LOOK. FLAT!!!'#and little teenxin was like 'ummm 😳 yeah. flat'#ANYWAY!!! idk if they actually look like teens here... hopefully yes. xie lian does to me at least???#or at least he looks different from how i draw him as an 800smthng year old lol. but still like himself i think!!! i hope...#whatever. point is. do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of#the tags cut me off there. thats a good thing. IF YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.#did you guys know i have headcanons about the type of tswift fans mu qing and xie lian would be. well now you know. I Have Thoughts#OKAY THATS ENOUGH TAGS I NEED TO ACTUALLY POST THIS. ILY MUAH TTYL
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HMC modern AU but it focuses on Lettie who is interested in magic and tarot cards, and "Sophie, my dear, you and Howell Jenkins are ABSOLUTELY mismatched, you don't even have zodiac signs, let alone your card spread-"
#I'm taking this agenda out of my month old chats with a friend#LETTIE HATTER SUPERMACY BY THE WAY#She tried to magically damage Howl at least five times#it didn't work but well#Sophie KNOWS they're mismatched you don't have to tell her about it lmao#Howell Jenkins is like the loser you don't have to play with cards to tell it#(also Ben's her kind of a mentor because I said so)#hmc book#howl's moving castle book#hmc#howl's moving castle#howell jenkins#sophie hatter#lettie hatter#howl pendragon#au#howls moving castle
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Modern Reincarnation AU Part 4 ✨️
Part 3
"John?"
Bucky storms past Jack into the townhouse. It's rude, but he'll apologize later. He doesn't know why he came here instead of his apartment. Old habits dying a hard drawn out death, maybe? He hadn't been thinking clearly. Hadn't been thinking at all really until he found himself waved through by his father's security detail.
"Oh, is that John?" He hears his father call out, dress shoes clicking against hardwood as he walks closer, but Bucky stomps up the stairs towards his room before he sees the man. His breaths come out in rushes as tears keep burning his eyes.
Shit, he thought he'd gotten those under control on the train.
Slamming his door, he slides down until he rests against the floor. He tosses his bag to the side wincing at the sound it makes. Hopefully his laptop survives. At some point he does actually have to do the work he went to the library to finish.
The library.
Buck and Curt.
They wouldn't, Bucky tells himself. They wouldn't. Curt was one of his best friends, and Buck loved him. They...
Fuck they were roommates! Why the hell were they talking about that shit in public? In the place Bucky considered his? Why even pretend? Why drag Bucky into this? Why?!
Bucky buries his face into his hands. His chest hitches as he tries not to sob. He doesn't want his father or Jack to worry about him. He doesn't want to talk this through.
He wants...
He wants Buck. He wants the other to pull him into his arms. To kiss him again as if today had never happened. There was something else about being with Buck, something he'd never felt with anyone else be they friend or lover. He made Bucky feel safe and wanted. Wanted not because of his family and connections but because he was himself.
Buck would know how to make him feel better.
He laughs quietly through his tears. Distantly, he can hear Jack briefing his father downstairs, the words faint but he hears his name and tears used together. His laughter is more sob than anything else. Of course, the one good thing he'd found would end up belonging to someone else. Story of his life.
✨️
There's too much work to do. At least that's the excuse Bucky gave himself for not confronting Buck and Curt immediately. There wasn't time for a confrontation and subsequent blowup of his life.
At least that's the lie he tells himself.
Bucky chews on the straw of his iced coffee as he skims yet another chapter. There's a pumpkin muffin in front of him that he swore would be his reward for getting through this fourty page reading. Midterms have come and gone, but Bucky still has deadlines to meet and research to complete. He can't sit in his room forever, as much as his father and Jack would sometimes prefer that. Better protection from whatever sent Bucky crying to his room as his father would argue. Better protection for his father's political career Jack would quip.
Speaking of protection, Bucky glanced to the side of the cafe towards his security detail. At least these guys attempted to blend in. His father must have briefed them on his track record with previous details. Bucky smirked around his straw. They'd be easy to lose come rush hour. A bit of fun even.
Bucky turned back to his reading, squinting down at the words.
"American airmen during World War II had a dismal life expectancy. It was not a matter of if an airman was going to be shot down but when. Once downed, airmen faced an uncertain 'reception committee,' as Second Lieutenant Kenneth C. Reimer noted in a drawing he made as a POW in Stalag Luft I in Barth, Germany... 'for every [ground combat] soldier killed in action, three or four others would be wounded; air combat was completely the opposite. For every man wounded, three were killed.'"
"Bucky?" A hand settles on his shoulder jolting him out of his reading.
Bucky kept his shoulders loose as he turns around. Buck stares down at him, a bright smile on his face that Bucky can't help but match despite his grief. It wasn't even something he could control. Buck smiled at him, so he smiled back. Bucky felt pitiful.
Buck's sky blue eyes are clear and happy as they dart across Bucky's face. There's no sign that he realizes Bucky overheard him yesterday.
Bucky lifts a hand to calm his detail, all alert now after Buck's friendly greeting. He sees the nearest agent settle back into their chair but knows none of them are relaxed. He darts a look up at Buck, peering at the other through his glasses to see if he'd noticed the disturbance.
Buck's gaze, as it always does, doesn't leave Bucky's face. Even when he rounds the table to sit down, his eyes are pinned on Bucky and nothing else.
"Sorry I couldn't meet up yesterday," Buck dumps his bag onto the chair next to him. Bucky's smile twitches. Buck sits down across from him. His legs tangle with Buck's own under the table, Buck's foot gently bumping his ankle.
"It's fine," Bucky chomps down on his straw. "How was your advisor meeting anyway?"
"It was good," Buck smiles at him, not even a hint of guilt on his face. "Real good."
Buck had told Bucky he was called to fill in a shift yesterday and that was why he supposedly hadn't been able to meet up. A lie Buck hadn't even bothered to remember. His advisor meetings were also always in the morning on Thursdays. Today was Tuesday.
Buck was still lying to him, and he wasn't even guilty about it.
✨️
"I went by your place yesterday. You weren't home." Buck swings their clasped hands through the air.
"Hmm?" Bucky glanced away from the traffic around them. His detail were staying a conspicuous ten feet back, but they were annoyingly keen when Buck offered to walk him back to his apartment.
Bucky would lose them another day.
Buck laughed, deep and airy. Bucky struggled not to lose himself in it. That was what made this so hard. Bucky still loved Buck, and Buck still acted like Bucky was his whole world and then some.
"Oh," Bucky finally processed what Buck had said. "No, I went to my dad's for the night."
"Really?" Buck squeezes his hand. Bucky hates how much comfort Buck's touch gives him.
Does Curt receive the same...? No Bucky doesn't let himself finish the thought.
"How was it?" Concern bleeds into Buck's voice. Bucky hates how genuine it sounds. He's starting to use that word more than any other. The longer he looks at Buck, the more he has to hate to save his heart.
"Fine," Bucky shrugged stepping further away as they came to a stoplight. "The usual."
"The Bucky I know wouldn't give such a short answer," Buck stepped closer eating up the space Bucky had put between them. "Not unless something happened yesterday. Come on, you okay?"
Bucky felt the words bubbling up his throat.
I saw you. I saw him. Why are you here staring at me like I'm the most important thing in the world when you have him? Why are you doing this to me? I love you. I love you so much it feels like my soul hurts. I hate you.
"Spent most of the night avoiding his staffers." Bucky lied. "Barely saw him, Jack either, yet he still asked me to move home at breakfast."
Buck nods, accepting his lies. Was that what they were now? Not a relationship, simply a lie? Bucky wasn't sure anymore. His heart thumped against his rib cage, anger and love in every other beat, but he wasn't sure which would win.
Buck had become his whole world in such a short amount of time. He thought the feeling was mutual, but yesterday showed just how stupid Bucky really was.
"How about this," Buck nudged his hip. "Why don't I stay over tonight? We'll binge a few movies, order something, and have night in. Then,"
Buck paused with a stupid grin that, despite himself, Bucky still found charming. Fuck, he was truly pathetic for this.
"I'll sweep you off your feet and take you to bed. How does that sound?"
"Won't Curt be expecting you?" The question pops out of him without meaning to. Gale furrows his brow, confusion growing in his eyes.
"Curt won't miss me tonight."
Sure, he won't, Bucky thinks bitterly.
✨️
"John," Jack's voice was a surprise. Especially considering it was his father's number calling him.
"You've gotten much better at your Jack impression," Bucky answers just to be annoying. "Does he know you impersonate him on official numbers?"
"You're not as funny as you believe."
"Ooh, you even have his disapproving tone down. I feel like he's in the room with us!" Bucky laughs. He peers around the corner. Buck's still where he left him, buried in his phone texting someone.
Bucky doesn't let himself think about who that person is.
"Your father wants to invite you to a dinner tomorrow. You can even bring that boy that walked you home. The one that hasn't left." Pages flip in the background as Jack talks. Probably governmental reports his father was supposed to read.
"You know you're not his chief of staff anymore?" Bucky leaned his hip against the counter. "You don't have to read reports or wrangle his kid to government dinners to help his image as a family man. You're his husband now, you're the family."
"You're my kid too by that logic, so wrangling you gets to stay on my resume." Bucky snorts out a laugh. "Besides, it's not a state dinner or anything. He just wants to see you."
Guilt gnaws at his heart. Buck pokes his head into the kitchen, phone no longer holding all of his attention.
"Fine," Bucky groans. "But if he brings up the apartment again, I'm walking out with my food on my plate even if it's the good plates."
"See you tomorrow at 7 then. Bring your boy." Jack hangs up without a goodbye.
✨️
It'll be me, and it'll be you, Buck.
Don't count on it.
Bucky jerks awake. His dream flashes through his head too fast for him to remember anything. Scenes superimpose over each other, words jumble together. At least this one wasn't a nightmare. Those always left him shakey and off balance all day.
His dreams have always been vivid, ever since he was a kid. The child psychologists he'd gone to had said it was normal and simply a sign of a well developed imagination.
Bucky runs a hand through his hair groaning when he glances towards his bedside clock. It's nearly an hour until he has to get up, but he knows that he won't be getting back to sleep before then.
Buck lays curled up next to him on the bed. Bucky reaches out to brush a hand through the other's hair. Buck twitches leaning into the feeling for half a second but doesn't stir beyond that.
Bucky sighs. Extricating himself from Buck's long limbs takes time. Somehow in the night, Buck had nearly fused them together as if even asleep the man refused to let him go. Arms layered over arms. Legs tangled together. It's an excellent distraction from his dreams but not from the problems of the waking world. If only he could forget those once he woke up like he did his dreams.
It's only when he's pouring water for his coffee that he realizes he recognizes the voice from his dream. A first for him.
It'd been Buck's.
✨️
(Not a confrontation I know, but it builds my AU lol)
#i know i already used that picture of austin for part 3 but that pic for some reason is so Modern Buck who can't take his eyes off Bucky#buck for me in this au is a touch obsessive because he's lost bucky once in their old life and now he has a chance again#but that chance is being strained because bucky doesn't remember him or their past life resulting in Buck lying to himself and bucky#one of the things i want to focus on in this au is how traumatizing reliving and remembering these memories can be as well as how alienatin#buck certainly has his own trauma and part of his journey is learning to let go and understand the difference between the past and present#shit i need to go work on stalag arc but also i got blessed by some muse for this au and who am i to doubt the will of a muse?#oh also i actually do have this whole backstory for Bucky as well as who his father is his importance and why Jack Kidd is in his house#if anyone wants to guess he is someone we see in MOTA and its a really popular Jack ship lol#the quote Bucky is reading is from an actual book called Terror Flyers by Kevin T Hall#I've personally only read portions of it for a class i took but its an interesting read from the bits I remember and skimmed for this#mota#masters of the air#buck x bucky#john bucky egan#clegan#gale buck cleven#bucky egan#buck cleven#john egan#gale cleven#buckbucky#modern reincarnation au#modern reincarnation
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