#I know the point is to hit these people where it hurts and where it hurts is 'lmao women don't want you'
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SPOILERS FOR STH 3!!!
Scene analysis (heavily focused on Knuckles).
So there’s this scene in Sonic 3 in London where Sonic decides that despite their initial intentions to never use the master emerald anymore, he insists on using it for vengeance (after Shadow hurts Tom).
In this scene Sonic and Knuckles stand head to head and get worked up to the point where they’re charging up their powers, (Tails in kinda in the middle trying to calm them both down).
I got emotional in this scene, like full on tears in my eyes for a split second. Let me tell you why:
This is the scene that shows Knuckles’ endless patience for Sonic and Tails.
We know as an audience that Knux is always eager to go into battle, perhaps even too eager, but when it comes to his siblings, he’s always patient. So when Sonic tries to start a fight with him, he gets riled up at first but then takes a moment to calm himself down.
He refrains from hurting his brother and instead tries to talk to him calmly, to reason with him.
And if that’s not an oldest sibling strait I honestly don’t know what is.
I don’t think some people realise how hard it is to stay calm when your younger siblings are angering you. Like not teasing but properly pissing you off, especially if your sibling is a younger teenager (think 11-14 or 15).
At some point, you as the oldest have to realise that you have to be the calm one because naturally, teens are hormonal as shit and they can’t really help it (sometimes). We’ve all been there and we all know what it feels like to get wound up easily as a kid, and as an oldest child, you didn’t have someone who would calmly deal with you. Your parents would just get angry or chalk it up to a phase, so it’s either too much discipline or none at all for their first kid, then leave them to deal with the others when they grow up (obviously this isn’t the case with the trio here bc they were all taken in as teens so it’s different - the attention Tom and Maggie would’ve shown to them as babies and children are being shown now that they’re actually a family).
So shout out to all my oldest siblings out there, including Knuckles, because it’s like constantly taking punches to the face and actively remaining steady on your feet without letting your anger get the best of you.
This especially goes for a traumatic or high anxiety situation, like Tom’s injury. Sonic’s love for him and his worry and regret is consuming him in this moment and throwing him into a blind rage. Tails is also really worried, and as the youngest, it goes without saying that you try to cushion any pain as much as possible, so he’s not gonna be expected to help. Who’s left then? To help deal with Sonic? Knuckles.
He realises Sonic’s having a hard time, knows what it feels like to lose loved ones, understands the worry of “will they return home?” and how the reality of the situation can hit at any moment and how crippling it can be.
So Knuckles swallows his pride and tries to reason with Sonic.
And it’s really fucking hard to do that. Especially when being put in this position.
This rant feels repetitive but I have to get it out there just how hard it is to do this. At the end of the day, even if we are the oldest sibling, even if we have an obligation to be the bigger person, we still have feelings. All this emotional burden is gonna build up. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just the position we were born in. It’s our job to be that pillar of strength for our younger siblings, but if you keep throwing small stones at a pillar, eventually it’ll start to chip and crumble. So to have the strength to remain steady is the real superpower.
Like holy shit, talk about dual burden. Knux is also feeling the pain of potentially losing Tom, but he’s still there to comfort and protect his family and also shoulder his own difficult emotions. Because no one was there to do that for him when he needed it the most. He may never have anyone to protect him quite like that, and an older sibling will protect their younger ones even if it means making sacrifices. Remember that parents don’t have the same effect as siblings. Adults can only have so much understanding, but growth moves with the times, and each coming generation develops in unique ways, so grown ups will never grasp the full extent of the younger generation’s struggles, just as us younger people will never understand what they went through and how they dealt with it.
So props to Knuckles, he really is 1000000% muscle, and his most important muscles, his heart and brain, work together incredibly well. He doesn’t have to be book smart, his emotional intelligence makes up for that.
(Disclaimer: this is just my interpretation so just take it with a grain of salt, also sorry for this utterly incoherent rant, I have feelings about this movie- and this silly little echidna.)
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic the hedghog movie#sonic movie 3#sonic 3#sonic 3 spoilers#sonic the hedgehog 3#sonic the hedgehog 3 spoilers#sth#sth fandom#sth 3#sth 3 spoilers#sonic spoilers#knuckles the echidna#tails the fox#knuckles wachowski#sonic wachowski#tails wachowski#sorry this rant slowly became incomprehensible as it went on#ignore me#I have issues#(clearly)#you know that meme#with the wall and the crazy guy trying to explain how the dots connect#…#that’s me#I’m okay I promise (NOT a reference to mcr smh)#yeah so I saw sonic 3 today..#THE STOBOTNIK IS FUCKING CRAZY#sonic analysis#analysis
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- She and Moxxie may have discussed having kids and already decided not to/to put it off for a while
- She could have a hereditary condition that makes being pregnant more dangerous for her
- She and Moxxie might not be financially stable enough for a kid
- She might want an abortion and knows Moxxie won't or vice versa
- Maybe she's had a miscarriage before
- Maybe she's worried about the very heavy hit to the stomach she took earlier and that might complicate things
- Her side of the family might make a big deal of things no matter what she does and force her to quit
- Maybe she's thinking of how badly her mood swing earlier in the episode could've turned out and is worried she's going to accidentally hurt the people close to her if she keeps the pregnancy
- Maybe after seeing Stolas' daughter reject him she's worried what her kids will think of her and Moxxie
- Maybe she's worried about if Blitzø and Moxxie will be ok without her on missions if she takes time off
- Maybe there's something about Imp pregnancies that we find out about later that makes it so no pregnancy announcement is a good one
Do I think any of these scenarios are likely? Maybe a few. But the point is they're all plausible reasons why she'd be upset here. There's no reason anyone should immediately jump to "What if she cheated?!" Millie and Moxxie are the healthiest couple in the show, if there's going to be drama in their relationship it's not going to be from cheating because neither of them would do that.
Also why would the story jump from a "Here's a scenario where cheating is kinda justified but still has consequences" plotline to a very common "She cheated and now she's pregnant!" plotline. It just doesn't mesh well with the rest of the series.
Y’all, it hasn’t even been a day yet and some people are already theorizing that Millie cheated on Moxxie and that the baby isn’t his
You guys do realize that married couples can experience unplanned pregnancies, right?
Or, that maybe Millie is worried about how having a baby could affect her job?
Shit, maybe she’s worried that she won’t be a good parent if she does decide to keep it because of her own family issues
I could even go as far to say that maybe she’s worried if she does decide to keep the baby, something could go wrong and the baby ends dying during the pregnancy
And I’m just saying all of this without knowing what Moxxie’s point of view is going to be like
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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Midnight Rant #5 billion and 12 on Charmcaster and Kevin- That woman's fucking AF premiere.
Because we have Kevin, very obviously in a very bad place. He's being retraumatized, his girl's cut back hard on spending time with him with no explanation, our boy is going through it. And then he makes a friend, according to WoG over the course of a few months, in a grown woman. And it's great, it's fine, and then she starts macking on him. And then she plants a kiss on him despite him shutting her down. And while doing that she literally takes control of his damn mind, just fucking harpoons that poor boy's bodily autonomy, forces him to turn against his loved ones. All because she never actually gave any sort of shit about him and from the very start was using him to get to and hurt his girl. This relationship that he thought was forming for months was all a ruse, her using him and then abusing him. And this is
So painful for poor Gwen. Can you believe that Kevin didn't have faith that her pulling back with no explanation meant she was working hard to fix him, after the whole three-odd months they'd been together? And to have Charmcaster come back starting problems. Oh poor Gwen, everyone is so mean to her.
And it's not just in the fucking show, it's in the fandom as well, this idea that the shit Kevin goes through matters in how it affects Gwen and not in how it would have to affect him. Just, that had to be such a fucking painful if not straight up traumatizing event. Charm fucked with his goddamn mind. She made him think she cared about him only to hurt him.
Congrats, Charm, I'd say you were only a few steps below Servantis but he at least let the kids have a degree of autonomy and wasn't on screen macking on them. Slow clap, you're even keel.
Just, I sometimes remember that we have a whole episode surrounding Kevin, already openly in an awful headspace, being groomed and straight up mindcontrolled, and the big take-away is how much the situation hurt Gwen and how bad a boyfriend he is for not reading her damn mind. And it drives me up the fucking wall.
Especially when you remember that he spends that season in his underwear, I'm sorry but the parallels to the treatment of imperfect SA victims write their damn selves.
And when you also keep in mind that when Mike is pulling the 'charm them and thrall them' bit it's treated, by the show and fandom, as him being an irredeemable predator and his victims have every right to hate him forever and wish horrible things on him, but Charm gets to have the 'oh poor Charmcaster' treatment and Kevin's thinking she can go fuck herself is treated as a flaw in his character by the show and ignored by fandom.
Because in the end the disparity comes from the same place as the repeated physically abusive acts Gwen commits against Kevin, as Looma's threats being treated as humor, as Gwen's thinking they're romantic being treated as humor- plain old misogyny. Mind the misogyny isn't all of it, but the age old belief that this sort of shit committed by women against men isn't a concern, and in fact may even be treated as ridiculous, because women are too weak to hurt men plays a big role. Doesn't matter if it's a grown woman grooming a mentally ill teenager or a teenage girl shoving her boyfriend into freefall- she's just a girl so of course what she's doing isn't actually dangerous or harmful, because women aren't capable enough for such things. Which then plays into the age old sexist bullshit that men are simply too strong and rough to be hurt, and to be hurt by a girl especially- physically, mentally, however- is funny because it means they're weak.
And that's not even getting into the 'a guy is always eager' bullshittery.
Just, for the love of fucking christ...
#somebody remind me at some point to write something that really hits on how much that must have fucking hurt kevin#especially when you keep in mind that the boy has dreams where everyone he knows is out to hurt him like#and just his everything from the two times he mutated in uaf#boy clearly already has issues with how other people think of him their intentions#and a deepseated fear of the people he loves turning on him#which make a lot of sense when you consider 1) as mentioned in a different post it's very likely og!kevin *was* abandoned rather than ranof#2) he's part of a minority group we have every reason to believe is subject to prejudice and ostracism#3) boy was a fucking homeless kid on the streets then in the null void and then trying to make a name in crime around the galaxy#just#gods the shit he went through that night must have hurt so fucking bad#to trust someone and have them pull that shit with you- to learn they'd always intended to do this and never gave a singular shit about you#to be forced to act against the person you love#you're honest as you can be about the situation and it just gets you in more trouble#learn that being hurt by your girl's earlier behavior in fact means you're the problem and a bad partner#because you should have just *known* the information she shared with other people but didn't bother to tell you#poor fucking kevin gets betrayed assaulted mindcontrolled *and* shamed as a bad boyfriend for being hurt his girl pulled away from him#all in the same damn night#on top of all the other shit he was dealing with#i can only hope he let himself have a good fucking cry when all was said and done#didn't try to deny himself it due to the fact that he's again made out like a fucking *problem* in this of all episodes#because gods know he fucking deserves one#achi rants
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Does anybody else, like. When people talk about "Oh those stupid guys who are too pathetic and awful and off-putting to get a girlfriend" and, because you are a queer woman who has had difficulty in trying to date other women, you assume that they are also talking about. You.
#like LOGICALLY. I know the difference between me and Those Guys is that they hate women and don't see them as people and also#refuse to better themselves/refuse to accept rejection. and none of that applies to me.#but just...so many times the punchline seems to be 'haha you're single' and like. y'all so are lots of people! that's not an inherent sign#of Being Irredeemably Pathetic!#I know the point is to hit these people where it hurts and where it hurts is 'lmao women don't want you'#but y'know. women don't want ME either!!! which is understandable I'm very weird but I don't TAKE IT OUT ON OTHER PEOPLE.#I CERTAINLY DON'T GET PUSHY AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY REJECT ME!!!!!! I CERTAINLY DON'T SEE WOMEN AS LESSER!!!!!!!!!!#DON'T GROUP ME WITH THE PEOPLE WHO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and I mean...I can't control how other people feel about me? if women do not want to date me then that's just a thing I have to be#sad about and move on from I don't think that makes me like. evil?? I don't think that automatically means I'm completely lacking in#common sense or something? idk. my thoughts on this are very disconnected and I am going to go write about my favorite#married fictional war criminals now
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#there’s a content creator that passed aways a few years ago#and he was very loved and still is#and im seeing people say stuff like ‘i started watching just recently but it’s so fun to watch him’#and 🤧#its sweet? and theres ppl that are fans saying the same thing#about still consuming content. about his humor still holding up#and im thinking about liam:( i guess i want to also get to a point where its fondly looking back at memories#not feeling overly sad:(#though its a bit different#especially bc of how sudden it all was#so so so sudden and unfair#why did this happen:(#i love seeing pictures of happy memories of him#but the most recent pics make me sad:(#i dont know what im saying#i miss him i miss him#i feel for his family so much#worst pain possible#i hope they can be together and support each other#this will hurt a lifetime but we will remember him always too#our darling#:(#day of the death is just hitting me more
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The Online Fandom 7 Deadly Sins
sloth: complaining about how no one writes the tropes or pairings you like and bashing what's already out there, while refusing to create anything you desire yourself
greed: zine and other finance-related scandals with zero remorse for those negatively affected
gluttony: spending rent money on merch, experiencing buyer's remorse, then repeating the same process next month
wrath: anon hate over literally everything under the sun, even harassing official writers and threatening them if they don't make your ship canon
pride: devaluing other's characterizations and ships to praise yours as better, whether through a canon perspective or a moral perspective, when neither matter in the long run when it comes to your own enjoyment
envy: trash talking others' fandom creations or saying you won't bother creating anything because it'll never be as good as them
lust: fighting over who tops or bottoms because of your personal preferences when one, both, or neither could happen, especially when most of these characters never even kiss canonically nor have most people fighting done any of these things irl themselves
#parker says things#i'm not exempt I've definitely done a few of the things listed#especially pride and envy god those really go hand in hand and it's sad#but seriously...guys does any of this matter in the long run#just have fun#if someone is having fun in a way that clashes with your own type of enjoyment just hit da bricks!#that guy's got horns! well not gonna ruin my day!#live like Yusuke guys#i've been afk because I'm dealing with some intense depression but fandom has actively hurt more than helped me#and I know plenty of ppl myself included think discussion of meta is enjoyable but I think things reach a point where it's only stewing#the inherent focus on adhering to a singular strict perspective is toxic to ourselves in the long run#have fun! be self indulgent#almost everything posted is gonna be ooc to some people even if it's 100 percent accurate to others#and just in general idk I think we should focus on fandom as a sense of fun instead of a marketing ploy#most of us are not here to make fanart or writing a career#I'm not really a community person and I've learned that the hard way over a decade and more#but i just hope people will find what sparks joy and enjoy themselves again#I don't think I'll be active in fandoms much anymore as I focus more on my personal life and recover from some things#but I wish everyone much love and hope for the best for people#even if we've had some bad interactions I do not wish ill upon anyone#i got off topic but these tags are just me saying I'll stick to lurking publicly and replying to my DMs and writing in private#will still post some things to my AO3!! maybe#anyways tag yourself I'm a recovering glutton/envy
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The episodes at the baratie are good if you ignore the big fucking elephant in the room that is sanji. Which is you know not a thing that can be easily ignored
#and everything is so in your face have we tried subtetly#those boots are ugly af zoro.... not a boot transition....#sanji made riceballs............ there is zosan even before they talk to each other.... it is real to me......#there is zosan everywhere for those with the eyes to see it#the waddy itchy monkey#luffy spirialing ajdhajshssjj my boy.....#their meeting is so ass.......the oregano callback....#they need to get okay with hitting children sometimes or we arent making it to wano#zeff lost his spice double belt in the storm :(((#you know they could have gotten away with it if sanji just witnessed zoros fight... like that is the whole point.... zosan moment missing#critical one even#luffy listening to a backstory OOC!!!!!!#koby telling garp luffy will always be a pirate.... where is his fist of love#nami saying she always ends up hurting the people close to her.... that is NOT it#sanji didnt need to take off his shirt for that....#no soft measures we will capture them. what was the plan before lmao#theyve got brunch at the baratie so modern#this was funny at least. I AM LEAVING WITH LUFFY. SURE YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION. and they are both still angry#well you know luffy abandonment issues in here are done early and big#also where is carne#talking tag#watching opla#like sanji leaves put of spite... is that it...#literally sanji and zeff watching zoro fight and making two comments would have fixed it.... bc sanji would understand there why zeff#wants him gone.... without zeff explaining it
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i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.
#ooc. your local bodega kat.#[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other#sometimes it's normal!!#couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said#or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and#then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one#specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why#i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his#bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also#needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic#ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED.#you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and#then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL#LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been#through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it#being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.]#domestic violence mention /#domestic abuse mention /#abuse mention /#murder mention /#[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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I'm starting to really feel like I might have to like. stop being online. in any form. but especially on social media.
I already don't read the news anymore because it made me too anxious. but social media is basically like the news except worse. at least with the news you know that you're mostly gonna get bad things. on tumblr/reddit/wherever it's a pleasant stream of fun/interesting/entertaining posts and then bam here's some really bad shit that's going to ruin the world as we know it and we're all fucked and there's nothing you can do about it! and right below it is the next cute cat picture or a cool drawing or a silly text post and you just keep scrolling
#I've been thinking about this for a while because there have been so many times lately where this has happened and I could just feel that#awful feeling of despair and hopelessness immediately after seeing something like that#it bothers me for ages#it ruins my day sometimes#how does me knowing all the bad things that are happening all over the world all the time help anything#it's not that I don't care or that I think this feeling is even remotely comparable to what people who are going through those awful things#experience#but we're not meant to know all this awful shit#we're just not. and with the way my brain works I just can't keep doing this if I want to keep going#it sounds so melodramatic but every single post/video like that just makes me want to die#so. I don't know. what's the point in saying this#tons of people have said this better than me but this is just me venting so that doesn't matter.#I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want to pick up my phone and mindlessly scroll for hours and I especially don't want to get hit by#those unexpected awful news again and again every day until it's too much#ugh im feeling so fucking bad tonight#what's even the point#I know it's all bad and it keeps getting worse and we're still not changing anything and people are suffering and it's relentless and#I want to think about this stuff but not like this#it just hurts and nothing else#I just want to sleep
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god, this makes sense. after my mom found out i started testosterone, she told me i had caused her more grief than she could imagine, and that she didn’t even want to think about or look at other people’s daughters. she told me she couldn’t focus on anything else, she’d stopped caring about her job, she wished she were dead. she was mourning me, and meanwhile i was becoming the person i had begged my parents for years to let me become.
she did this following the first phone call we’d had in months, aka the first time she’d heard my voice after it dropped. i can’t help but think that’s what triggered her to tell me all the things i mentioned above (and more, that i don’t want to bring up). my low voice was tangible proof that i was destroying my body, and therefore was destroying hers
the cis maternal urge to treat your trans son’s body like an extension of your own body, and to react to said trans son’s physical transition as if they might as well have just started hacking away at your own body with a rusty axe, really is something else.
my mom hasn’t seen my chest post-op at all because the idea of it is so awful to her that the one time we took my bandages off with her present, she ran across the hotel room to hide from it and started crying to my brother about it (yes, with actual tears). she drove an hour and a half with us at 5:30am to my post-op just to sit in the waiting room because she refused to come in and see me after the surgeon took the bandages off. my dad has been the only one helping me with recovery things like changing bandages and monitoring healing because she still won’t look at my chest.
and she says that’s because she loves me and cares about me. love is when you treat the body your child can finally live in comfortably like it’s your worst nightmare. apparently.
#like…i was out to my parents as trans for over three years before i started HRT#but i don’t think they ever took it seriously#evident by their complete lack of effort when it came to the name and pronouns#and also the fact that my mother vehemently denied ever needing to ‘grieve her daughter’#right up to the point where i actually start to change my body in a way she can’t ignore#and then it’s all ‘i can’t even look at other people’s daughters you’ve hurt me so much’#she tried to reach out again recently (i have stopped talking to her) telling me she’s trying to accept what is happening to me#what is Happening. like it’s not a choice im actively making but rather something being INFLICTED upon me#to be clear my dad also opposes my physical transition but he does it because he’s worried im either Gonna Regret It#OR that it’s gonna cause me to contract ten million diseases and die at age 30#anyway. op this really hit hard. thank you and also sorry for venting on your post lol.#just know that i see you and i understand you and im giving you a hug. if you want a hug that is.#trans
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American men frothing at the mouth to go online and write a fucking novel about why they HAD to vote for Trump and it's because women are really mean and being a cis white guy is so hard nowadays 😢
#'here's why the democrats lost me: they said men shouldn't rape women and that made me feel like shit'#well baby. if you're not a hit dog why are you hollerin#there are so many valid things you could point out about where the democratic party failed#but with these online men they just want you to know their feelings were hurt and they wanted revenge on women for that#anyways. I do think I'm done w men. just like in general. I'm not wasting my time trying to pull them back into the light or whatever#good for all the kind people who will continue to fight the good fight. it has to be done.#but nah. I'm past it. I hope they all rot.
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A pro-Palestine Jew on tiktok asked those of us who were raised pro-Israel, what got us to change our minds on Palestine. I made a video to answer (with my voice, not my face), and a few people watched it and found some value in it. I'm putting this here too. I communicate through text better than voice.
So I feel repetitive for saying this at this point, but I grew up in the West Bank settlements. I wrote this post to give an example of the extent to which Palestinians are dehumanized there.
Where I live now, I meet Palestinians in day to day life. Israeli Arab citizens living their lives. In the West Bank, it was nothing like that. Over there, I only saw them through the electric fence, and the hostility between us and Palestinians was tangible.
When you're a child being brought into the situation, you don't experience the context, you don't experience the history, you don't know why they're hostile to you. You just feel "these people hate me, they don't want me to exist." And that bubble was my reality. So when I was taught in school that everything we did was in self defense, that our military is special and uniquely ethical because it's the only defensive military in the world - that made sense to me. It slotted neatly into the reality I knew.
One of the first things to burst the bubble for me was when I spoke to an old Israeli man and he was talking about his trauma from battle. I don't remember what he said, but it hit me wrong. It conflicted with the history as I understood it. So I was a bit desperate to make it make sense again, and I said, "But everything we did was in self defense, right?"
He kinda looked at me, couldn't understand at all why I was upset, and he went, "We destroyed whole villages. Of course we did. It was war, that's what you do."
And that casual "of course" stuck with me. I had to look into it more.
I couldn't look at more accurate history, and not at accounts by Palestinians, I was too primed against these sources to trust them. The community I grew up in had an anti-intellectual element to it where scholars weren't trusted about things like this.
So what really solidified this for me, was seeing Palestinian culture.
Because part of the story that Israel tells us to justify everything, is that Palestinians are not a distinct group of people, they're just Arabs. They belong to the nations around us. They insist on being here because they want to deny us a homeland. The Palestinian identity exists to hurt us. This, because the idea of displacing them and taking over their lands doesn't sound like stealing, if this was never theirs and they're only pretending because they want to deprive us.
But then foods, dances, clothing, embroidery, the Palestinian dialect. These things are history. They don't pop into existence just because you hate Jews and they're trying to move here. How gorgeous is the Palestinian thobe? How stunning is tatreez in general? And when I saw specific patterns belonging to different regions of Palestine?
All of these painted for me a rich shared life of a group of people, and countered the narrative that the Palestininian identity was fabricated to hurt us. It taught me that, whatever we call them, whatever they call themselves, they have a history in this land, they have a right to it, they have a connection to it that we can't override with our own.
I started having conversations with leftist friends. Confronting the fact that the borders of the occupied territories are arbitrary and every Israeli city was taken from them. In one of those conversations, I was encouraged to rethink how I imagine peace.
This also goes back to schooling. Because they drilled into us, we're the ones who want peace, they're the ones who keep fighting, they're just so dedicated to death and killing and they won't leave us alone.
In high school, we had a stadium event with a speaker who was telling us about a person who defected from Hamas, converted to Christianity and became a Shin Bet agent. Pretty sure you can read this in the book "Son of Hamas." A lot of my friends read the book, I didn't read it, I only know what I was told in that lecture. I guess they couldn't risk us missing out on the indoctrination if we chose not to read it.
One of the things they told us was how he thought, we've been fighting with them for so long, Israelis must have a culture around the glorification of violence. And he looked for that in music. He looked for songs about war. And for a while he just couldn't find any, but when he did, he translated it more fully, and he found out the song was about an end to wars. And this, according to the story as I was told it, was one of the things that convinced him. If you know know the current trending Israeli "war anthem," you know this flimsy reasoning doesn't work.
Back then, my friend encouraged me to think more critically about how we as Israelis envision peace, as the absence of resistance. And how self-centered it is. They can be suffering under our occupation, but as long as it doesn't reach us, that's called peace. So of course we want it and they don't.
Unless we're willing to work to change the situation entirely, our calls for peace are just "please stop fighting back against the harm we cause you."
In this video, Shlomo Yitzchak shares how he changed his mind. His story is much more interesting than mine, and he's much more eloquent telling it. He mentions how he was taught to fear Palestinians. An automatic thought, "If I go with you, you'll kill me." I was taught this too. I was taught that, if I'm in a taxi, I should be looking at the driver's name. And if that name is Arab, I should watch the road and the route he's taking, to be prepared in case he wants to take me somewhere to kill me. Just a random person trying to work. For years it stayed a habit, I'd automatically look at the driver's name. Even after knowing that I want to align myself with liberation, justice, and equality. It was a process of unlearning.
On October, not long after the current escalation of violence, I had to take a taxi again. A Jewish driver stopped and told me he'll take me, "so an Arab doesn't get you." Israeli Jews are so comfortable saying things like this to each other. My neighbors discussed a Palestinian employee, with one saying "We should tell him not to come anymore, that we want to hire a Jew." The second answered, "No, he'll say it's discrimination," like it would be so ridiculous of him. And the first just shrugged, "So we don't have to tell him why." They didn't go through with it, but they were so casual about this conversation.
In the Torah, we're told to treat those who are foreign to us well, because we know what it's like to be the foreigner. Fighting back against oppression is the natural human thing to do. We know it because we lived it. And as soon as I looked at things from this angle, it wasn't really a choice of what to support.
#riki babbles#I had this in my drafts for ages and I was like 'not the time' but a friend encouraged me to share so here it is#palestine
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Omw to be the most fuckable twink in the ER
#I want to stress that this is (probably) very minor#I do not live in the US. Hospital visits are free and my doctor told me I should go to the ER so. I'm doing that#also going to the hospital is wild for me (bout to traumadump cw abuse and ptsd)#over here going to the hospital/ER isn't abnormal (apparently)#but ive grown up in a weird abusive situation#and was raised to believe you don't go to the hospital unless you know for a fact you'll die if you don't#to the point where the last time i got a serious cut i was prepared to stitch it myself (i was VERY close to doing it)#but yeah. going there is weird#I feel like I don't have a right to? or like I'm taking resources from others#or I'm being weak. or someone will hurt me if i go there#and I know thats the stuff from how I was raised but its just an odd feeling to have settling in the back of your head#I've only been here....3 times I think?#last near death experience. concussion. annnnd the one time I broke a bone at school#2 of those my friends dragged me there#the bone broke at school and the teachers called my mother and made me go#(which btw my mother was straight up yelling/swearing at me and hitting me in front of a doctor in the hall and he fucking did nothing????)#(its wild how people will watch and do nothing. not the first time. lady almost watched my father drown me once. did nothing. just stared)#other than that? never seen a doctor for things like broken bones#0/10 would not recommend. they didnt heal right. go to the doctor for broken bones#anyway wish me luck ya boys getting some xrays and maybe an ultrasound lets fucking gooooo
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lets continue our talk about situationship!Simon, where this bitch grovels for monthssss
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situationship!simon starts sending you text messages. before you could expect something like "you up?" or "come to my office.", but after you broke things off with him, simon started sending you heartfelt text messages, apologizing for his past behavior. “i’ve been thinking a lot about what happened between us,” he texted one night. “i realize now how much i hurt you, and i’m truly sorry, love. i understand if you need space, but i wanted you to know how much i regret everything.”
along with his messages, simon started sending you small but meaningful gifts. he remembered how you’d joked about his tea obsession once and that you’d mentioned you only liked chamomile. to your surprise, he found the best brand of chamomile tea and even packed it in a nice box before delivering it to your room.
he even started to open up more. during a late-night phone call, where you could clearly hear that he was drunk, simon said that he started seeing a therapist. “i’m workin on understandin my issues and changin for the better. i want to be better, not just for you love, but for myself. i hope you can see that i’m tryin to change.”
when you asked him to stop calling you love, he refused. “i can’t help it. you’re mine in a way no one else could be, and i don’t want to pretend otherwise.”
as simon keeps showing up with gifts and heartfelt messages, you can’t help but wonder if he’s being real or if he’s just trying to win you back before breaking your heart again.
you still go on dates with other people, and simon is tormented every time he sees you leaving the base in those pretty dresses—dresses he wishes were just for him. he follows you, quietly lurking in the corners of the restaurants or bars where you’re out with your dates. oddly enough, most of the guys you go out with either get transferred to another base or stop calling you after just one date, and you’re doing your best not to blame simon for it. but you know it's him. and he is not sorry at all.
almost every day, simon texts you, asking you out on dates and planning special things for the who of you. all you have to do is say yes, but each time, you refuse. it breaks his heart every time, but it also makes him more determined to try even harder. he knows he deserves this treatment from you.
back when you and simon used to train together on base, it was a special routine you both enjoyed. now, you’ve started asking other guys to help you with exercises, and it drives him wild with jealousy. watching their hands on you makes him see red. after your training sessions with them, simon invites these guys to spar with him. it quickly becomes clear that he’s using these sparring matches as a chance to take out his frustration and anger, landing a few extra hits just to make his point.
despite everything, you still won’t budge, and it’s only making simon more frustrated. the truth is, it’s becoming harder and harder for you to resist him. his persistence is wearing you down, and the more he pushes, the more you find yourself struggling to stay strong.
simon invites you to one of his therapy sessions, saying his therapist thinks it would be helpful for him and his progress. during the session, he opens up about his struggles and insecurities, laying everything bare. as he talks, you start to feel sympathy for him. it’s clear he’s determined to change and work on himself, and you see how genuine his efforts are.
one night, you were preparing tea in the kitchen when a girl you know from the base asked for simon’s number. she mentioned she was interested in him, which made you jealous. you snapped at her, making it clear that he would never be interested in a girl like her. simon overheard the whole thing and couldn’t help but smirk to himself. it was clear you still had feelings for him, and he took a bit of satisfaction in that.
later that night he sent one simple message to you: "that's my girl. i belong to you, and you only."
after that message, simon stepped up his game. he started sending you lots of sweet texts and little gifts, and even took care of some of your paperwork. it was hard to ignore how much he was trying, and you found it tougher to resist him as he kept showing you how much he cared.
a few months after managing to ignore simon as best as you could, you caught a nasty cold and were stuck in your room. you only texted price to let him know you needed a few days off because you were sick, and got back in your bed trying to sleep that cold off. a few hours later, as you were still trying to fall asleep, you heard your door open. simon walked in, carrying a bunch of bags, a worried look on his face.
“i came as soon as I could,” simon said, worry in his voice. “i brought you soup and medicine.”
simon didn’t leave your side for days. he only went back to his room to grab more clothes and shower. he was insistent on helping you with everything, even assisting you with your showers in the most respectful way possible of course. he’d sit in a chair next to your bed, and you felt a pang of guilt seeing how much he was giving up for you. you even tried to convince him to go get some rest, but despite your protests, he somehow ended up in your bed, gently spooning you as you slept.
simon would whisper sweet things in your hair, thinking you were asleep. you heard every word as he softly talked about how much he missed you, how sorry he was for everything, and how he wanted to make things right. even though you were sick and exhausted, his words touched you deeply.
once you were feeling better, you found simon sitting alone in a common room, lost in thought. you approached him quietly and gently kissed the side of his face. with a soft smile, you whispered, “take me on that date you promised.”
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@daydreamerwoah
#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x female oc#simon riley imagine#simon ghost x you
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