#I know my art doesn’t look polished here

[kaviis-stuff]

I finally finished this for @chiangyorange ! It a from a scene in chapter 2 of We’ll Meet Again, Soon!

[soobnny]

dating him | hwang hyunjin

❝ i’ve never seen anything quite like you, my love ❞

chan | lee know | changbin | HYUNJIN | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

hopeless romantic hwang hyunjin

love is beautiful and brilliant hwang hyunjin

yall cannot convince me that he isn’t the BIGGEST lover

romance is in his blood

he is so fascinated by it

so, for that reason, i feel like dating him would be like the love you read about or watch in movies

bc hyunjin would b the type to consume so much of romantic media

it’s where he learned everything from

wow what a dream

he strikes me as the type to fall in love with every little thing too

his eyes is just a lens of romance

and it’s set on YOU

every single love language he has it .. but here are some specifics

love language #1 gift giving

hyunjin is a traveler okay

and in every trip, he always has something to give you

keychains, t-shirts, bags, jewelry, stickers, refrigerator magnets, pins, you name it

even u have to remind him not to go all out sometimes

bc when that boy splurges, he SPENDS

esp for u ? he would spoil u in a heartbeat

he always makes sure he leaves a day of his travels dedicated to u and thinking about u

on that note, he tends to buy u guys matching items

matching phone cases, matching rings, matching scrunchie

whatever u can get that’s matching

he WILL get it

it excites him too

he loves being able to tell the world how in love he is

wait side note

whenever he’s traveling, he’s always just instinctively thinking about you

he buys this bagel for breakfast, oh ???? like hey guys yn loves bagels too

and the boys r like WE KNOWWWW 😭

everything is about u quite literally

ok continuing on

and he gifts u his art too

his art is very important to him

and he has found lately, u are the one person littering his sketch books

oh he’s down bad

i think for ur anniversary, he’d paint the constellations of how the stars looked that night and aligned perfectly

or his favorite picture of you

down bad that he also buys u a shit ton of dresses

and lingerie ………….

look he knows his fashion

he knows what looks great

u can’t blame him for buying what he knows will look so pretty on you

(he’d probably give u his card one time and say “go crazy” like wow he’s packed)

#2 quality time

i think his favorite dates would also be expensive

he just can’t help himself

BUT u know he has a sweet spot for self care dates too

spa days are very important to him

loves being able to relax and unwind with u

he especially loves when u play with his hair and when u paint his nails

one time, u caught him stealing one of your nail polishes

would also be the type to bring some bit of you in his travels

like ur perfume or ur shampoo

anything that’ll remind him of u

tho ur scent is his favorite

hence why he goes for perfumes or soap or shampoos bc u feel closer to him this way

he just loves being with u even if both of u are doing nothing

just like that bruno major song

conversations where u lose track of time

conversations as in talking shit about the people you hate together

😭😭😭😭

i think he’d want to paint with u

he’d be so shy to ask you too

just simple things

that cute date idea where you swap paintings every 5 mins or something

when u showed him that tiktok, he jumped in excitement

he wanted to do it right away

he prepares everything

he has both ur paintings framed in his room

it’s his most prized posession

oh, and he always invites u to game nights with the boys

he is SO competitive at monopoly

he couldn’t give two shits about other games

u don’t know why he gets so worked up with monopoly

“SEUNGMIN DONT DO IT SEUNGMIN!!!!”

it’s actually rly funny

he would be the type to take revenge

“you’re gonna regret buying a house there”

would cheer if his friends go to jail in the game or if they go bankrupt

doesn’t even try to hide it

and if he’s playing as the banker, he’d slip in extra bills for you

#3 words of affirmation

tho usually said when he thinks u’re asleep

he’s thankful that u take care of him when he forgets to

esp when he’s so immersed in his art

he whispers words of love

like poets and authors in books

he is just so full of love i can’t say it enough

physical touch except instead of touch, he loves kissing you

LIPS AND NECK ESPECIALLY

those are his top 2

he uses tongue 😕 sorry to break it to u

and he also leaves hickeys

so don’t run out of concealer okay!!!!!!! bc he tends to leave like a lot

before i end

here r some more dates he loves

botanical gardens

he’d pick a flower and place it behind your ear

now it’s his lockscreen

sunday markets

he loves the domesticity of shopping together

he buys u lots of flowers

every single type

u think he’s given u all types already

there is never a day where ur apartment doesn’t have flowers in a vase

bc as soon as the first sign of death arrives, he’s off to buy u new ones

he strikes me as the type to also go all out for valentines

hyunjin would send u mounts of chocolates and flowers

take u out to the fanciest date

u get to try new food and cuisines bc of him!

might even buy plane tickets so u two could travel together

maaaaaaaan just treasure everything

a love like hyunjin’s is hard to come by

note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy

[mediumgayitalian]

Plink.

“Psst, hey! Nico!”

Plink. Plink.

“Nico! You up?”

Plink.

Plink plink plink. Plink —

“What in the world,” Nico hisses, yanking open his window, “is going — oh.” He blinks. “Will?”

Will grins. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighbourhood,” he says, voice not nearly quiet enough for someone who is at direct risk of being devoured. “Thought I’d drop by. Can I come in?”

If Nico were smart, he would say no, actually, it’s like four in the godsdamn morning, go the hell back to your cabin. What is wrong with you.

Instead, he says, “We live in the same neighbourhood, dweeb-face, this is a camp,” and opens his window all the way. Will grins at him, wide and glinting in the dark, and yanks himself in head-first, somersaulting onto the floor and staying there, sprawled on the polished marble floors.

“Hi,” he says again, grin shifting into something more crooked.

Nico breaks away, hiding a smile with rolled eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s ridiculous to want to see you?”

“Before dawn? Yes!”

“Aw.” He settles against the ground, tucking his hands behind his head and letting half lidded eyes trace over Nico’s form, over the sleepy shape of him. Nico shivers. “I was awake, you know. I dreamt of you.”

Cool the fresh hell down, Nico screams at his brain. Out loud, he says, “Shut the fuck up,” and ignores Will’s snickering. How dare he, honestly. For someone who gets clowned as often as he does he is not nearly humble enough. Apollonian genes, indeed.

“What, you don’t dream of me?”

When Will lies, his throat swells up and he breaks out in hives. Nico is at the top of the leaderboard for getting the reaction out of him, with Cecil at a close second and Kayla no slouch in third place. Will is highly manipulable. It’s a good time for everyone around (even Chiron, who is, to his own irritation, lumbering behind at spot #42).

Nico, however, has no such holdups. Nor is he inclined, at any point in time, to fluff up Will’s ego, no matter how he looks when he’s cocky. Nico has self control. Mostly. (Well, at times.)

“Of course not. My subconscious would never do that to me.”

“You’re mean to me, di Angelo.”

“You like it.”

Nico watches, fascinated, as Will’s loudmouth snaps right shut; as his face burns sacred cow right in the low light of the cabin, as he squirms.

“Oh,” he says, gleefully.

“Can it, di Angelo —”

“Oh ho ho ho —”

“I’m gonna curse your ass with haiku disorder, do you know what that is, ‘cause I’ll show you, dickhead —”

Nico crouches down and pokes Will hard in the cheek, and he doesn’t even flinch — he just goes redder. Nico guffaws.

“Dude! Have some — dignity, oh my —”

“Shut up! Shut up! You’re so horrible, gods, I am leaving —”

“Oh, come here.” Will is dragged easily from the windowsill, because he is a big fat faker. There are actual claw marks on the infirmary door from the last time Austin brought Nyssa to drag him out.

“I don’t wanna stay where I’m unwanted,” he laments, bouncing on the bed when Nico shoves him. He takes the inch Nico gives him and burrows deeply under the blankets, throwing a melodramatic hand over his eyes. Nico rolls his own eyes, hoping if he rolls then hard enough Will can tell regardless of whether or not he’s looking, and crawls in after him. He makes sure to kick him at least thrice. “I can take a hint, you know.”

“Medical arts were the wrong career path for you. It’s not too late, you know. I’m sure you could shadow Nicholas Cage or something —”

“I am going to kill you with hammers —”

Nico evades gus clumsy attacks with ease, snickering as he pins him to the bed, smirking when he gives up fighting with a huff.

“I’m glad you came when you couldn’t sleep,” Nico says, after a moment for them to catch their breath. “But the point of that agreement is for you to then shut the fuck up and sleep. Here. So.”

“I’m trying,” Will grumbles. “But you’re being mean and it’s crushing my soul. How am I supposed to sleep with a crushed soul?”

“Oh my gods.”

“Okay, okay! Put the pillow away, jeez, I’m sorry. Meanie.”

Nico rolls his eyes again, settling down next to him. Will takes longer to settle, because he’s annoying, but right before Nico is ready to smack the shit out of him again, he calms down, burrowing stilling once he’s turned on his side.

“…Thank you.”

“Whatever, goober. Go to sleep.”

The smile is obvious in his voice. “Goodnight, Nico.”

“Goodnight, Will.”

“In the morning can we —”

“Goodnight, William.”

“Okay, okay. Night.” He pauses. “Love you.”

Nico shoved his grinning face into his pillow. “Love you too.”

[vibelladonna]

✑ 𝓉𝓎𝓅𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒷𝑜𝓎𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝜗𝜚 𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓌𝑒

· ─────── ⋆⋅ 🝣 ⋅⋆ ─────── · 

So, since Crowe is definitely my fave, so I just had to write more about him! Mostly focus on relationship canons, but shoutout to @i90o3 for the inspo! 

𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔: 18+ NO KIDS (Adults Only) This content contains mature themes unsuitable for children. Please respect the creator's intentions. 

I also threw in a bunch of my own general headcanons because honestly, Crowe has so much lore that I could talk about him forever (I won’t; it’ll be too damn long.)

He's got this whole backstory and vibe that I can't get enough of. Plus, I’m all about fleshing out his character even more, so I added a few of my personal twists on how I see him in different situations, especially when it comes to relationships. 

He's such a layered character, and it's fun to dive deep into his personality.

Okay, so let's talk about Crowe as a boyfriend. Honestly, he's everything—the perfect mix of charm, attention, and emotional depth. If you're the type of person who wants a relationship that's all about connection, balance, and growing together, Crowe is that guy. 

He's basically the definition of a dream guy—like, he’s got that old-school chivalry thing down, a fucking prince, but it's not forced or anything. It just comes naturally to him. He’s thoughtful in ways that’ll make you smile, like he’s always paying attention to what you need and finding ways to show you he cares. The affection? Relentless, in the best way possible. He’ll make you feel like the center of his universe without hesitation.

And if you’re someone who thinks love can’t be that over-the-top, grand, movie-romance type, Crowe is out here proving everyone wrong. He’s the type to sweep you off your feet with the little things and make every moment together feel like an wonderful love story.

✑ The Gentleman Extraordinaire

GENTLEMAN, GENTLEMAN, GENTLEMAN. DEAR LORD! Okay, okay, hear me out—Like, I started playing the game for Sol—I was all in for Sol, but then Crowe shows up, and suddenly I’m sitting here like, "Sol, who?" Crowe doesn’t just win your heart—he walks in, takes it, and leaves you wondering how you ever lived without him. He’s that boyfriend who ruins all other boyfriends because he’s not trying to compete—he’s just naturally that good at loving you.

He’s got this smooth, polished vibe, like a real-life Prince Charming, but not in some cheesy, over-the-top way. No, Crowe’s the kind of charming that feels real because it is He’s not all about appearances—there’s this kindness and humility that just grounds him. He’s perfect, but not in an intimidating way; he’s perfect in a “why is this man doesn’t exist?” way. T-T

You know when he shows up to meet your friends or family? Game over. He’s got that effortless grace, that charisma that makes everyone around him feel special. Your friends are like, "Wow, he’s amazing," and your mom is already planning the wedding. But here’s the thing—Crowe doesn’t care about impressing everyone. He just cares about you, His whole vibe screams, “I’m here to love you and make your life amazing.” And he does.

He doesn’t wait around asking, “When are you free?” Nope. Crowe says, “Meet me outside in 20,” and next thing you know, you’re at this secret little café, or on a picnic in some perfect, out-of-the-way spot, or just laying on the grass, looking up at the stars that somehow feels magical—not odd because he’s there. And everything he does feels so intentional—like, this man doesn’t try to be romantic; he is romantic.

He’s that guy who makes opening doors and pulling out chairs look like an art form. Like, you could be wearing sweats, but somehow when you’re out with him, the whole scene feels like it belongs in a movie. 

Date night with Crowe? Babe, you’re not just going out for a night—you’re straight-up walking into a fashion shoot without even trying. This man is obsessed with matching outfits, but not in a cheesy way. Nah, it’s all about that subtle, cohesive vibe—same color schemes, the same textures.

And when you’re brainstorming outfits together? That’s part of the fun! It's like a mini fashion show before the actual date. And don’t even get me started on how he lets you borrow his clothes. You know this man is elite when his clothes smell like pure heaven and still fit you like a glove. Yall see how that man is built.

Crowe isn’t just boyfriend material, he’s the whole soulmate package. Like, seriously—he’s everything. I’m not even making this up, this man is next level.

✑ The Romantic Idealist

Crowe loves you like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and he’s not shy about it—like, at all. His love is this big, bold, cinematic thing, but also these soft, quiet moments that hit just as hard. It’s like he’s figured out how to be a walking rom-com and your comfort person all at once.

And Prince? Oh, Prince is charming for sure, but let’s be real: he’s more of a mother hen than some storybook prince. Brittney nailed it when she said that. He’s got that whole “nagging but with love” vibe, plus the way he carries himself. It’s giving “protective energy” more than “royal decree.”

And, Oh, you’ll never be unsure about how he feels. The man says, “I love you,” like it’s second nature—like he doesn’t even realize it’s slipping out half the time. And the way he looks at you? You know, the kind of gaze that makes your knees forget how to function? Yeah, that.

Then there are the little surprises: handwritten notes that are so sweet they feel illegal, gifts that aren’t just thoughtful but feel like they were plucked straight from your Pinterest board, and dates planned around stuff you didn’t even realize you’d mentioned. He’s not just big on the show of it; he’s big on knowing you, like, really knowing you.

And if you’re having a bad day or feeling some type of way? Crowe is on it. Insecurity? What’s that? Because he’s about to drop a forehead kiss, some whispered reassurances or even a whole TED Talk about why you’re literally the best human being alive. He’s not stopping until you believe it.

Lastly, flowers? Don’t even get me started. Crowe’s the kind of guy who gives flowers just because it’s Tuesday, and he definitely knows flower language. Like, he’ll bring you a bouquet and casually mention the meaning behind every bloom. It’s all very “main character in a dating sim.” even though he’s very much a second lead energy. You know exactly what I mean.

✑ Intimacy, Comfort, and Softness

Okay, so Crowe’s whole vibe is just… ugh, so comforting, in the way he shows up physically and emotionally. 

Like, this man has a gift for making you feel safe and treasured, but also a little breathless. It’s the way he reads you, you know? He picks up on even the tiniest mood shifts and is right there—whether it’s to hold you, help you, or just let you vent without even asking for it. 

And communication? Oh, he’s the king of creating that safe little bubble where you can spill your guts and not feel judged.

Oh, but don’t let that fool you—this man is such a tease. He loves getting under your skin in that playful, flirty way that has you pouting and glaring at him, and he’s just standing there with this little smirk. And honestly? You’d swear you catch him blushing every now and then when you pout back, but it’s so subtle you almost gaslight yourself into thinking it’s the lighting.

Now, THE HAIR. His Hair ™ deserves its own spotlight.

It’s a masterpiece, okay? Always soft, always smelling faintly of lavender or jasmine or some other magical scent that just makes you wanna dive face-first into it and never leave. Like, what’s his secret? Witchcraft? Angels? I don’t even care—it’s perfect.  

And the texture? Bruh, it’s so smooth it’s unreal. Like, you run your fingers through it once, and suddenly you’re hooked. I’m talking brushing it, styling it, or just running your hands through it like it’s your job. Don’t even get me started. 

But here’s the kicker: when you start massaging his scalp? Game over. This man is so sensitive, like his entire soul leaves his body. But wait, I’m not even close to done. His hair has its own little personality, just radiating vibes that scream, “Take care of me, love me, worship me.” And you do. Because you have to.  

And if you dare to tug on his hair—ohhh, let me tell you, it’s a wrap. He just melts, full-on turns into a puddle with those big heart eyes, looking at you like you’re the only person in the universe. And the way he’s silently begging for more? Sir. Sir. You’re playing a dangerous game, Crowe.  

Soft words, soft touches—the whole package. He’s the kind of person who will cup your face like you're the most important thing in the world and just whisper how incredible you are.

Or he’ll casually tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear while you’re talking like it’s no big deal, but it makes you feel like you're wrapped up in this cozy, gentle bubble. Honestly, it’s the kind of affection that just melts you.

You’d have him all peaceful and chill, just resting on your chest, no worries. It’s like his version of a personal reset button. I can’t even deal with how perfect that sounds.

Oh yeah! Let’s talk about his sleep, though. Crowe sleeps like a freaking Disney princess. Aurora who? Like, imagine the most peaceful, beautiful sleeping face ever. And okay, yeah, there’s a bit of a “corpse but make it art” vibe, because how can anyone look that good just… lying there? I’m so sorry, couldn't help it.

Crowe is all about that closeness, like, he loves resting his head on you. Whether it’s on the top of your head or just leaning on your shoulder, he thrives on that kind of support. It’s like his way of saying he trusts you with his energy.

And if you smell nice? Oh, he’s all about it. Like, if you're wearing something musky, floral, or have a hint of perfume, he’s in heaven. It’s like his little sensory heaven, and he’ll lean in a little closer just to get that extra whiff. 

When it comes to hugs, it’s a mutual effort—you both kinda have this rhythm after learning each other’s boundaries. But when you do hug, Crowe’s hands usually find their way to your waist, not your chest or neck. It’s like this cozy, grounded thing where he wants to feel close but also be respectful of space. 

If you’re feeling extra chill with him, he’d probably fall asleep in your arms, no questions asked. This boy just needs rest, and you’re the perfect pillow. But if he does fall asleep while hugging you? Good luck getting those arms to move. It’s like they’re made of steel or something—they’re not going anywhere. And honestly, who would want them to? It feels so good being wrapped up in his arms. 

Seriously, though, his hugs are just addictive. Like, once you get one, you just want more. It’s warm, comforting, and feels like a personal little world just between the two of you. Just shower him with hugs in return—he’s craving it, trust me, especially when it’s just the two of you, behind closed doors. You’re honestly doing him a favor. But the only thing that could top his hugs? His kisses, hands down.

Like, don’t even get me started with his kisses—UGHH.

Crowe is ALL about them. Need kisses? Boom. Hands, cheeks, forehead, neck—whatever you want, he’s got you covered, babe. And if you’re cool with a PDA? Honey, he’s laying it on thick.

Like, smooches in front of everyone if anyone even thinks about making you jealous. But if you’re not into PDA, he’s got this smooth way of keeping you close—hand on your waist, pulling you into conversations, constantly checking in with those little glances that just scream, you’re my world.

And when it comes to love? Crowe doesn’t do things halfway. Do you need reassurance? He’s sitting you down for the most real heart-to-heart. Do you want more kisses? Babe, he’s already on it, no hesitation. If you’re the jealous type? Oh, he’s not just telling you he loves you; he’s showing it, making it crystal clear to everyone else, too. 

And the pet names? My love, my dove, my heart—he’s laying them on THICK with a capital T; I swear to god, those aren’t the exact nicknames from the game itself, more like examples as I want you guys to see for yourself as I’m not lying!—I was eating it up every single time.

✑ The Ultimate Hype Man

Crowe is that person who’s just built to hype you up. Like, your wins? Automatically his wins. He’s out here making sure everyone and their mama knows just how proud he is of you.  

But he has serious Cheerleader Energy—like, it’s not even casual. You finally ate today without forgetting, and this guy is acting like you just won Best Picture at the Oscars. Got a good grade on your test? He’s probably already planning a parade route through your neighborhood.

And if you failed that test? No worries—he’s showing up with your favorite snacks, ready to hype you up like, “It’s one test; you’re still a genius, obviously.” Honestly, I could’ve used that kind of energy after finals this year because…wow, the struggle. T-T 

But it’s not just about the hype with Crowe. Oh no, he’s deeper than that. He’s the guy who’s like, “What’s your passion? Let’s chase it down,” and he actually has good advice, not just “follow your dreams” fluff. Like, practical, actionable stuff that makes you feel like you can actually do the thing. And the best part? He’s not just clapping for the big wins; he’s cheering for every little step you take, even the awkward ones. 

Crowe’s that boyfriend—even friend who celebrates you while also making sure you’re constantly leveling up—and honestly, we all need a Crowe in our lives.

And oh, the reliability? Unmatched. Whether you need someone to hash out a problem, cheer you through a tough time, or just sit there as your unshakable rock, he’s there. No doubts, no drama. You can count on him to show up, fully present—both physically and emotionally.  

Also, let’s talk about his socials. They’re basically a love letter to you. Couple pics, goofy candids, and those long, heartfelt stories where he’s just out here spilling about how lucky he is? Crowe’s all about letting the world know how much he adores you.  

✑ Tailored to You

Crowe’s love language? All of them. He's like a walking, talking Swiss Army knife of affection, but with a twist: “I will become whatever you need me to be.” It's honestly wild. His default? Quality Time and Acts of Service, no question. He's the type of guy to be like, "I love you, and here's how I’m going to prove it." But the real magic happens when he adjusts based on whatever makes you happy. Do you like something? Oh, bet. He’ll be all over it, mastering it just for you.

— Physical Touch?  

Crowe's all about that. Like, he will hold your hand just because, mess with your hair while you're chilling, and literally just hug the life out of you. It’s not some half-hearted stuff either—it’s the kind of touch that screams, “You are my world, and I’ll keep you close.” 

— Acts of Service?

If you think you’re doing anything on your own, think again. Crowe's the guy who’s like, “Need help with your assignments? I’ll be your tutor, even if I don’t understand the material, I’ll pay someone or learn it myself. Running errands? I’ve got it covered.” He's all in on making your life easier, and that’s his way of showing love. He’ll get you that coffee you like without even asking.

— Words of Affirmation?

Man, if you thought he was shy with his words, you clearly don't know Crowe. He’s got this endless list of compliments, and he’s not shy about throwing them your way. “You’re amazing, you’re perfect, here’s why—let me list it out for you.” And let’s be real, he can’t stop talking about how great you are. Like, you’ll be sitting with him and next thing you know, he's telling his friends, “They are literally the best person ever,” and his friends just like, “Okay, we get it, you’re in love.”

— Quality Time?

When he’s with you, every second matters. Doesn’t matter if you’re just hanging out, watching a movie, or even just sitting there. He makes everything feel intentional like this moment right now is the only one that matters. He’s not just there, he’s fully present, and that makes everything feel special.

— Gift Giving?

This man doesn't just grab anything random. Oh no, every gift is like a peek into his brain where he’s thought about what would make you smile. It’s always something meaningful that shows he’s paying attention to what you care about. It’s like he can see straight into your soul and get you exactly what you didn’t even know you wanted.

✑ Tailored to Him 

When it comes to receiving love for himself, though? Crowe’s all about Words of Affirmation and Quality Time, with a little sprinkle of Physical Touch in there. And honestly, it makes sense because (okay, I’m guessing here), but he definitely has some emotional trauma—like, maybe growing up too fast? Like he’s so independent… I NEED more into his backstory because something made him this way. 

— Words of Affirmation?  

They’re everything to him. Sometimes he just needs you to remind him that he’s doing okay. Tell him he’s not a failure, that he’s enough, and watch him melt. Like, imagine gently cupping his face and whispering, “You’re amazing, Crowe.” Boom. He’s soft, he’s vulnerable, and he’s all yours.

— Quality Time?  

With his hectic schedule (hello, Student Council energy), any second you spend with him is like gold. And don’t even get me started on the fact that If you ask to hang out? Instant heart eyes. And the man STARES, okay? Like a full-on, unapologetic admiration station. Whether you’re looking back at him or not, he’s just soaking you in because, in his eyes, you’re an his actual deity. 

— Physical Touch?

Okay, so picture this: when you’re out in public with Crowe, there’s always some kind of touching happening, and it’s the softest, most consistent thing ever. Like, dude’s got this constant need to feel you’re there, but it’s not over-the-top—it’s just perfect. Holding hands? That’s a given. Arm brushing as you walk side by side? Absolutely. Waist-hugging? Oh, for sure. 

And you know what? Let’s throw in pinky-holding because I feel like he’s the type who’d totally be into that—like, tell me that wouldn’t be the cutest thing ever! Ugh, I’ve always wanted to try that. My heart can’t take it T-T. If there’s a way to be close to you, he’s doing it. 

Crowe’s basically the poster child for “can’t get enough of you” energy, but somehow it’s not overwhelming? Just... natural, like breathing?

Now, alone time? Oh man, let me tell you, this guy is so touch-starved, and it’s the sweetest thing ever. It’s not like he’s clingy—no, it’s way softer than that. It’s more like this quiet, unspoken please in his body language, like, “I just need you to hold me right now, and maybe, maybe for always.” And when he’s in that space, when he wraps himself up in you, it’s so clear he craves it—but not in a way that feels desperate.

It’s more like he’s letting himself finally believe he deserves to be cared for like this. And oh my god, the kisses. When Crowe kisses you, holding you like you’re the only thing anchoring him to the world? It’s not just a kiss, okay? It’s an entire moment, a whole event. Like, “Shut up and take my soul, I guess this is my life now” kind of kiss. It’s breathtaking. You can’t just walk away from that; it stays with you.

Imagine this: you're just chilling on Crowe's bed, right? Lying there, talking about the most random stuff, maybe arguing over whether pineapple belongs on pizza or spiraling into some deep existential question. Just vibing, you know? 

And then… THEN, you start noticing the way he’s looking at you. Like, he’s not just glancing—he’s doing that triangle method thing. His eyes flick from yours to your lips and back again, and you’re like, “Oh… oh he wants to kiss me. Like, RIGHT NOW.” You can feel it. It’s so obvious. He’s got that look, like you’re the only thing in the world he could possibly care about in this moment.  

And it’s so soft at first. You both kind of lean in, and his lips just barely brush yours, like he’s scared he’ll mess it up if he moves too fast. And let me tell you—his lips? SO soft, like pillowy clouds. They’re full and perfect, and the way he kisses you? It’s like he thinks you’re made of glass, like he’s handling the most delicate, precious thing in the entire universe.

But then… something changes.  

Like, something inside him snaps. It’s not just a kiss anymore—it’s a KISS. There’s this desperation, but not in a bad way. It’s like he’s been holding all these feelings in for so long, and now they’re just spilling out, like words he doesn’t know how to say with anything other than this kiss. His lips move with this crazy mix of hunger and tenderness like he’s trying to tell you without words how much you mean to him, how long he’s been waiting for this.  

And the wild part? You can feel it. Every ounce of longing, every stolen glance, every unsaid word—it’s all in that kiss. It’s sweet and fiery at the same time, like he’s savoring every second, but also like he’s terrified it’ll all just vanish if he doesn’t hold on tight enough.  

And then when he pulls away? Oh my god. The way he looks at you. Those deep blue eyes of his just lock onto you, and it’s like the entire universe shrinks down to just the two of you. He rests his forehead against yours, catching his breath, and he doesn’t even have to say anything. It’s just there, written all over his face. That look that says, I’m gone for you. Completely, hopelessly yours.

Also, his hands? Oh, his hands tell their own story. They’re soft and deliberate, cupping your face like you’re his whole world, his thumbs gently brushing over your cheekbones. Sometimes, his fingers hold your hair, pulling you just a little closer like he can’t get enough. Other times, his hands settle on your waist, grounding him, but there’s this light tremble—like even touching you sends a wave of overwhelming affection through him.  

✑ Flaws? Hardly. But…

Crowe’s not perfect, but that’s the thing—his flaws are part of his charm, you know? 

Like, he’s this guy who’ll go out of his way to keep the peace. He’s not about unnecessary drama and will dodge a tough conversation if he can. But here’s the thing—his love for you? It’s bigger than his fear of awkwardness or confrontation. He’ll choose to work through it for the sake of the relationship every time. 

Take how he probably freaked out about confessing to you. Terrified. 

I bet he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he didn’t want to ruin what you two already had. But when push comes to shove, he’d face that fear head-on because, for him, it’s worth it. And don’t even get me started on what happens if someone dares to hurt or disrespect you. 

Sweet, peace-loving Crowe? Gone. You’ll see this bold, fiery version of him who’ll stand up for you without hesitation.

The thing about Crowe is he’ll do everything to make you happy, but sometimes he forgets about himself in the process. He’s so busy putting everyone else first that he can burn out or feel underappreciated, especially if he doesn’t see the same effort coming back. So yeah, remind him now and then that you’ve got his back too. He’ll probably act all humble about it, but he needs it.

And let’s be real—he’s not used to being the one cared for. Crowe’s always been the caretaker, so letting you in? Yeah, he’ll need a little nudge. (Cue those moments where he low-key deflects when it gets too real—classic fanfic material)

His conflict-avoidance thing? That’s where it gets tricky. Like, he won’t let you walk away from an argument upset—no chance. He’ll bend over backward to smooth things over because he has to see you happy. But if the shoe’s on the other foot? Spoiler alert: he might not just come out and say what’s bothering him. Instead, he’ll hit you with questions, all casual-like, about stuff that might be bugging him. It’s almost sneaky, but it’s totally him trying to figure things out without making it a thing.

And oh, my God, the romance. Crowe HAS TO BE extra af. Grand gestures, public displays—he’s all in, and everyone around you is swooning or jealous. It’s cute, don’t get me wrong, but if you’re the shy type? Yeah, good luck with that.

✑ Gen headcanons + ranting

So, disclaimer upfront: none of this is canon, just my thoughts and headcanons. A lot of these ideas come from some scenes in the game (spoilers ahead) and his character profile, which I'll share at the end for context. 

Okay, so something about Crowe just screams "rich kid" to me. I know, it’s probably obvious to some people, but hear me out. In the game, he lives on the other side of town, right? And, spoilers, there’s that scene where he has a driver pick him up on the second day when you two get caught in the rain and at the end of the night, he has to go home.

Like, come on, rich people don’t just walk in the rain, they have drivers. Then let's talk about his clothes for a second. His shirts, especially that purple one, are super fancy. Like, where do you even buy a button-up shirt with that many buttons, and in that exact shade of purple? Not from a fast fashion store. I’m no expert on high-end clothes, but I’m pretty sure those are designer. 

Anyway, he’s definitely got a backstory in the whole “rich hierarchy” world, though I think he’s dropped down a peg or two. After all creator said so herself that Crowe story will be pretty rocky.

There are two ways you can lose that high-ranking rich status: either you flunk out of a class or you do something big that gets you kicked out. 

And with Crowe? I feel like it’s the second option. He’s definitely got that chip on his shoulder like he’s got something to prove, you know? That intense drive to show everyone that he’s more than just whatever they think of him.

— Example One! First-day scene.

So, if you choose the option (though, if I remember correctly, I think you’d become all overwhelmed), you end up having a little cry fest because you’re so worried about being too much for Crowe. 

You’re thinking you’re being overbearing, like maybe you’ve crossed a line, and it’s all too much. So, you’re crying up on the roof—classic, right? But after that, you dry those tears, pull yourself together, and go off to your next class. And, of course, Crowe finds you. And you know what? He’s already comforting you because he can see right through the tired, tear-streaked face and knows exactly what went down. 

But then, just when you think it’s a nice moment, someone from the student council shows up, searching for Crowe. They say he’s been looking for you all over the place, and they need him right now. And Crowe’s response? 

“I don’t fucking care…” Honestly, that moment threw me off guard, but also—like, low-key swoony? Like, you don’t see that kind of attitude every day, and it was kinda hot. 

— Then Crowe’s library scene—oh man.

So, Crowe kinda tests you there. He asks if you’d still stick by “Marie Antoinette” (which I think he’s talking about mom in metaphor) even with all the nasty rumors flying around about her. He’s basically asking if you’d trust her, or if you’d believe all the gossip from both the rich and poor folks alike. And the way he reacts if you choose to stay loyal to her? 

Tears in his eyes. Earn points. It’s heartbreaking, honestly. You can tell he’s got so much riding on that trust like it really means the world to him.

But if you fall for the rumors and go with what everyone else says, Crowe’s visibly upset, and you lose points for it. It’s a tough call, right? Like, on one hand, the rumors could be true, but on the other, I feel like you should trust the person you know best. Trust is everything to him, and it’s hard not to see that.

Also, I’m pretty sure Crowe is an only child. I’m just feeling that vibe, you know? I headcanon that his mom (or both parents, but mostly his mom) are always off working or traveling for work, leaving him alone for long stretches of time. So, he probably spends a lot of time by himself. 

That means he does all the household chores and probably picks up a lot of cooking skills, but here’s the thing: I don’t think he actually eats what he makes that often. He’s probably so used to being alone that he just makes meals for himself but ends up bringing the food to campus for you instead. It’s like a weirdly thoughtful gesture, even if it’s a little lonely at its core. 

— Okay, so I have to add to this because of the new Crowe update? 

Literally a chef's kiss. I just played it recently since I’ve been swamped with finals, so I’m a little behind, but omg. I’m so here for it. Like, I can't wait to see how the story unfolds and especially how Sol’s gonna react to everything. Dammit, creator, why make us wait for it? But honestly, I’ll wait. It’s gonna be worth it, I’m sure.

And, so before the update, Crowe was kinda just... there. Like, we all knew we had a crush on him, but there wasn’t really much to grab onto, you know? But this update? Oh my god, it’s like they gave him a whole new personality and I’m living for it. He’s such a dreamboat prince now, I just wanna smother him in kisses! Like, mwah, mwah, mwah—someone stops me before I turn into a full-on fangirl. Or Sol himself.

For real, I was laughing the whole time, twirling my hair like some cheesy romcom character. He’s got this whole new charm that’s completely irresistible, and I’m just here for all of it. His vibes are adorable, lowkey a lil freak. If you know, you know.

Like, how did they make him so adorable all of a sudden? He’s the good boy we never knew we needed; he’s out here winning hearts left and right. Seriously, how can you not love him now? I’m obsessed.

· ─────── ⋆⋅ 🝣 ⋅⋆ ─────── · 

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / This is Part 3! / Part 4 Here!

A/N: I don’t think the poll is over yet, but this one was very clearly going to have the highest percentage, I’ll do the “maybe if we were closer in age” one later though!

If you haven’t already please check out my Batman zine, it’s got so much fanfiction and beautiful art from five different artists! Please check it out, please. I need to find a way to compensate these artists. You can check it out here!

Bruce slumps in his chair, a longing glance spared to the decanter on the bookshelf.

He closes his eyes and wills away the craving. It’s always ten times worse when he wakes up the next day, and he can’t afford feeling worse at this point in his life.

Wasn’t it just yesterday he was twenty years old and he could spend all night playing Bruce Wayne’s party boy image, and be up in three hours feeling none the worse for wear. Now even after nine hours of solid sleep, he wakes up sluggish with an ache in his bones.

I have to be strong.

“Why did you keep her away from us?”

“Who?” he asks absentmindedly, his entire focus still on the brandy.

“(Y/N).” It’s the last name he expected to hear, especially from his oldest son. He looks up, hoping he’s misheard, but the look in Dick’s eyes proves him wrong.

Looks like I’m going to need that drink after all.

He reaches for the decanter, two crystal glasses retrieved from his desk drawer instinctually, glittering on his desk.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” He stalls by taking a sip, feigning casual, like the mention of your name alone didn’t set his heart racing.

“Don’t play this game with me Bruce,” Dick sounds more sad than angry, and it softens him. “Why didn’t you let us see her?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Then start untangling it for me.”

Bruce sighs, taking another sip of his father’s brandy. There’s a million reasons he could tell his son, none of which would be lies entirely, but softer than the truth.

But when he looks up into Dick’s eyes, he can’t bring himself to say any of them. Armed with nothing but liquor at the bottom of his cup, for the first time in four years, after dodging this question from reporters and acclaimed journalists and new paramours, he finally tells the truth.

“Because I didn’t want her to see you.”

A simple, ugly truth. He doesn’t bother looking up to see his sons reaction, he already knows a kind boy like Dick, a boy who’s fully believed his entire life that good prevails, won’t be able to process that his father did something like this. He makes better use of his time by refilling his glass.

Dick slumps in the chair by the time he’s polishing off his second peg, and pouring in his third.

“You did it to punish her?” He can see anger begin to replace shock, and he doesn’t blame him for it, but Bruce is angry enough at himself for the both of them.

“I wanted her to forget we ever existed.” This truth is as kind as it is ugly, and the nuance confuses Bruce even now. But three glasses of brandy affect him in a way that makes his tongue feel lighter and his mind feel free.

“I wanted to give her a potato sack full of money and jewels, and send her far away where no one knew who she was. I wanted her to meet a good partner, someone who would always put her first, and if they decided to extend their family I wanted her to be able to move on without feeling like she left anyone behind.”

“So you wanted her to have a great life, far away from you, and you never wanted to hear anything about it,” Dick’s voice is cold.

Bruce shakes his head. He wanted to hear everything about your new life. What kind of partner you picked. How you spent your days. When you got married. When you had your first child. When you had your second. Everything. And on bad days, he’d close his eyes and let himself imagine it was him standing next to you, that in some alternate universe he made a single different decision that gave him permission to deserve you.

“I was just tired of hurting her,” when you came in to his life, for the first time, he felt like he’s been allowed to have something of his own. Not as Batman, protecting to the city, or Bruce Wayne the mask he carried, but him as a man. But he could never seem to return the reverie you extended to him.

“Do you think she’d ever be able to move on, to live even a semblance of a normal life, if all of you were showing up at her house all bruised and beaten?”

Dick stays quiet now, and Bruce hates himself for having to say it out loud. His son may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but some parts of him are still childlike. After all, Bruce isn’t the only one putting Gotham first.

“I wouldn’t call the way she’s living now normal.” Dick’s been to your penthouse, he’s seen the photo albums full of tabloid clippings and the rare pictures he and his extended family post on social media. He’s seen the journal you keep, hidden on your bookshelf that he mistook for a regular novel during his bi-weekly trips to your place, full of notes on every article and picture and what might be happening behind the scenes to prompt a public appearance like that. Years of deductions and question he could have answered with a single text message a month, but Bruce wouldn’t even allow that.

Dick’s anger grows.

If Bruce had told him he did it to punish you, he’d be angry, but he would understand. Sometimes when you love someone that much, someone who’s too good for you, you grasp at any way to keep them. But this is a million times worse than that.

“If you loved her that much why’d you even let her go?”

Again, another question he wasn’t expecting. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but he doesn’t feel the sharp sting of surprise this time.

“Because sometimes love isn’t enough.”

Dick leaves. Bruce pours another glass, and when he’s sure he’s alone he pulls out his wallet, tugging out the family photo he keeps tucked beneath his black card, turning it over to see your portrait taped on the other side.

The corner of his mouth quirks up.

It was from when you’d both just gotten married, before you were used to upper class etiquette. You complained all morning about having to get ready and wear a bunch of expensive uncomfortable clothes designers had sent in for the article in the Gotham Times, emphasizing how ridiculous opulence like this was when there were so many bigger issues in Gotham.

He’d bought out every copy of the magazine in the city. He still had most of them, tucked away in a box in his closet that became the casket for your relationships. Every now and then he’ll unearth it, just to allow himself to be haunted again by your memory.

But for tonight, just your picture and a glass of brandy is enough.

“You’re so much better at this than I am.”

[twistedbloodstain]

vincent de gramont x historian!reader: spring breaks loose, but so does fear | sweetness and bitterness within

plot: the one where the both of you are within your walls.

warnings: marquis is different here to canon, expect oc behavior but like all fics he’s gonna be cruel museum worker! reader, entitled af french boi, unreliable sibling relationships/dynamics

masterlist

the rain pattered against the glass windows, ringing through the empty halls of the museum. you sat there deep in thought in front of your desk while the storm raged outside. the moon that had look delicately beautiful earlier had disappeared when flashes of lightning and rumbles of thunder replaced the serene scenery, you don’t know how long you’ve been sitting here but surely it hasn’t been that long.

where was he? he should be here by now, you pondered.

a knock snaps you out of your thoughts.

“ma’am?” your assistant calls out as he peeks his head through the door.

you look back at him but your lips stay still, not making a word but silently urging him to continue with the rise of an eyebrow.

“he’s here again, requesting a private viewing,” he informs.

oh. you almost forgot about that.

the constant visitor of the museum for the past few weeks was none other than the eccentric and affluent, marquis de gramont. recently, he frequented the museum for a private viewing for some of the rarest and beautiful pieces of art in french history. not that you’re complaining since he paid good money for his private viewings but his persistent requests to have a historian around him, explaining what the intricate histories and symbols drawn beneath the surface were an inconvenience sometimes.

truthfully, there’s no bad conversation with him. you’re quite eager to answer any additional questions or arguments he imposes upon you but judging by the exhibition of his wealth and power, don’t they teach these things to nobility at a young age?

you pull your feet up and drag them towards the door, your assistant gives you a weary smile knowing how long your discussions with the marquis would usually go, for hours on end. 

the walk to the private room was filled with footsteps, your previous thoughts emerging once again. your brother.

 he was supposed to be here to join you for lunch but he hadn’t shown up. lunches shared with the both of you were also your bonding and catch up time but as of late he missed at least four lunches in six weeks. you could understand that maybe it was just his busy schedule but the fewer times you saw him, he seemed anxious and jumpy with sweat beading on his forehead. as if he was always in a hurry, you consistently persisted in the lunches in an effort to get him to open up his problems with you, after all what are siblings for?

you approach the door cautiously, taking a deep breath to polish your mind before stepping into the role of gracious historian, a person that’s ready to deal with the marquis.

entering the room with an eager smile on your face, you greet the marquis who was sitting on a plush white leather couch, donning another dark blue suit with a jacket and tie to finish the look. he doesn’t offer any greeting in reply and comments on your lateness right away.

“you took a while to get here, mademoiselle.” he mutters, checking his watch.

“i apologize for my tardiness sir, i had matters to attend to.” you force a smile. he stares at you carefully, an amused smirk tugs at the corner of his lips before waving it off.

“let’s get started then.”

the marquis is a difficult person to impress, especially in keeping him engaged in a conversation. more often than not you find yourself exerting a lot of information out of your brain just to keep up with him. you don’t know why you always push yourself to be somewhat superior to him in terms of knowledge but perhaps that’s just what his aura demands of you.

“and that is the final painting for your private viewing today, sir.” you recite familiar lines you’ve been saying for the past six weeks, “are there any questions you have in mind?”

he eyes the painting cryptically before glancing at you and shaking his head, looking somewhat satisfied with the answers you’ve given him. you smile at him once again before speaking.

“if you require any refreshments or desire to make an appointment in the future, enzo will take care of it. thank you for coming to the louvre, sir.” you bow your head before leaving, knowing that the marquis liked to be alone.

once you make it back to the office, you see your phone light up and vibrate. you immediately make a beeline for it and before the ringing ends, unfortunately the call ends before you could answer it but a wave of messages floods your inbox, all from your brother telling you he was at the entrance of the museum.

you hurriedly run out of your office straight to the entrance when you see a faint silhouette by the large doors. you call his name out and he turns to face you, a faint smile on his lips.

”where were you? i’ve been waiting for you the entire day, are you alright?” you immediately assume the worst and begin to fret over your dearest younger brother, gripping his shoulders and checking his face for any possible injuries.

your brother is a good person. you know that. you watched him grow, you watched him become the man he is now but still a small whisper remains in the back of your mind that you are losing him to something , and you can’t do anything to help it.

you can feel it. it  started with the distance and excuses, how every single word that leaves his mouth feels less and less genuine and more like a set of lies meant to calm you down. you want to help him but he won’t let you.

”i’m fine, i just got caught up at work.” he verbally reassures you but pulls away from your touch. you bite your tongue from asking more, afraid of scaring him away. a fight is not what you need right now.

”oh…um” you mumble, taking a small step away from him, feeling your insides crush to the lack of familial warmth from a brother. he stands there unfazed by your movements, the small smile gone in front of you. instead, an uneasiness replaces his eyes and stares at the ground, seemingly too busy to deal with your emotions right now.

“do you want to have dinner together? i know this nice sushi place downtown.” you eagerly offer, his mouth opens to reply but a brief hesitation takes place.

”i can’t.” he replies.

“why?” you ask, annoyance in your tone.

”work, as usual.” he states with a humorless chuckle, worry still present in his face, “i’m here for a favor.”

“what is it? did you get in trouble? you know you can tell me anything right?” you gasp.

“no! no! i just need to borrow some money for this month’s rent. my new job doesn’t pay until the end of the month, my landlord said i’m way overdue for the past three months and he’s gonna kick me out if i don’t pay within this week.”

a silence takes over the conversation as your process the information you are given right now. the excuse feels flimsy and careless.

money isn’t really an issue for you right now. you’re not insanely rich but you are financially stable, yet you feel uncertain about giving your brother money. your brother’s landlord, a strict but yet a sweet old man often texts you whether or not your brother has paid his rent in each month and so far you’ve received no messages from him lately. 

”oh..yeah sure. it’s no problem, i can send it to you later.” you smile for his comfort, making yourself feel approachable to your own blood.

monitoring your sibling’s rent status is definitely odd but with what you’re dealing with right now, to be completely honest you’re just making sure your brother’s alright, there’s nothing wrong with that.

”come on in, it’s raining outside.” you grab his arm and pull him in.

”no, seriously, it's alright. you might have some people inside-“

”it’s closing time, at least sit inside and wait for me, please?” you plead.

”okay, i’ll wait for you.” he smiles.

”good, because if i have to deal with another stubborn asshole under this roof, i’m going to lose my mind.” your brother chuckles and takes a seat by the door.

”dinner’s on me.” he adds, wiping the raindrops gathered on his forehead.

“on you? you can’t even pay your rent!” you jest.

”it was a one time thing!”

the amusement slowly dies down when you hear a large number of footsteps echoing through the halls, the door opens and it reveals the marquis. you immediately straighten up and face his direction, slipping in the professional manner that he is accustomed to.

”good evening, sir.” you greet.

the marquis doesn’t reply but instead whispers an instruction to his guards which they nod to and walk ahead of him. the marquis approaches you carefully, briefly eyeing you before glancing at the person behind you.

”it is quite late, don’t you think?” he starts.

”ah, yes it is. the night staff and i are closing the museum for the night, we were simply waiting for your departure. perhaps, you enjoyed your private viewings much longer than usual, sir.”

”you cannot fault me for that, miss. what hangs on the walls of this establishment is history, glory and beauty wrapped in one.”

”that we agree on.” you reply, “will you be here tomorrow? at the same time?” he looks at you again.

”for what reason are you asking?” he raises an eyebrow.

“so enzo and i can immediately arrange for your appointment and room, sir.” 

he pauses and a silence takes place, his eyes wander all over your face trying to see something through you. you keep your gaze on him, composed and calm. as it should be. you get a feeling he relishes on weakness especially people who have a lower pay grade than him or maybe that’s just how he is with everyone.

narcissism was a major takeaway you observed from the marquis the first time you met him, quite self-centered might you add and somewhat snobbish but then again his attention is not something to be exhilarated about.

”yes, miss. i will be here tomorrow.” a small smirk curves his lips.

”you are quite fond of the art around here.” you start.

”yes, what of it?”

”how come you never bought any of it? i’ve heard from a few auction houses that you have quite the art collection. i’m sure it is much more convenient for you, having the art within the comfort of your home.” you reason to him.

more reason to see him less in your life. you think.

“you are not wrong in that. it would be much more convenient.” he agrees.

so buy it then.

”if that’s the case, i must inform you that there are plans to auction that rembrandt you are so eagerly fond of, perhaps you might be interested in joining?”

”i will have to turn that down, miss. as much as i enjoy the comfort of my home, i appreciate the aura of the louvre, it brings a sense of fulfillment and eagerness to me. i would be a fool to rob myself of that. also, the people around here are not so bad.” his eyes rake over your frame carefully, you wonder if he���s looking at your brother. 

you look back and surprisingly no ones there. you shake it off when you hear a car engine nearby.

”oh, well it doesn’t hurt to try.” you begin to walk towards the door and he follows, outside his car sits with a bodyguard on standby waiting for him.

”i appreciate your service, miss. my private viewings have never been a dull moment during your enlightenments.” you lower you’re head slightly at him with a polite smile.

“i, as well must thank you for your service and approach. i tend to enjoy the art much more than when i am with myself.” the marquis remarks, extending his hand towards you.

”my pleasure, sir.” you respond as you shake his hand.

and it’s warm.

”will you be requiring a ride home? i am more than happy to offer it to you.” he offers when you pull your hand away from him.

”thank you for the offer sir but i will be here for later hours.” you retort.

“i do not mind staying here for a little longer.” he insists, you notice his line of sight eye your hand that shook his hand earlier. the cold rainy breeze must have taken control of the warmth of your palms and the marquis could have noticed the coldness of your hand. the marquis fidgets with his right hand as if it was itching to do something.

”it is not needed sir, i am more than capable of bringing myself home.” you state firmly.

”nonsense. i’ll send a car for you. it would be unfortunate if my favorite art historian was harmed in any possible way, how will i survive my viewings?” he urges with amusement in his tone but once again not wanting to back down.

”i would hate to waste your time and effort sir-“ you politely refuse again.

”it is late and unsafe for a woman of your caliber to be alone in the streets of the city. you will not have a choice in this, mademoiselle.” he states firmly this time as his voice hardens and makes it clear it’s not an offer.

it’s a command.

the marquis’ attention is not to be relished on. in this private viewings, the both of you have always maintained a polite and professional demeanor between client and host although there was some casual conversation here and there but you’ve never outright refused him, desiring to keep his temper from exploding and having his unpredictability in your space.

the marquis always gets his way. having private viewings at any time he desires with whatever piece of art he decides to have his eye on and more importantly taking up your time whenever he comes by at the louvre.

in the recent months you’ve spent with him, compliance is all he knows from you so it’s not unlikely that it’s easy for him to shut you down at the first hint of refusal. not to mention, he does not hesitate at confrontation. any small slight against him is somewhat remembered the next time you meet him.

complaints about making him wait slightly longer than usual for his viewings, comments about the apparently poor maintenance of the paintings  and your tardiness to attend to him are the most prominent experiences you remember from him.

the marquis feels entitled to everything within the walls of the louvre.

and that includes you.

another entitled rich snob that thinks he understands art more than you do is not a first time experience, but his insistence of having you brought home because of him somehow brings a chill to your spine.

entitled rich snobs can come to your work any time and however they like but the moment they try to step into your life, well it’s time to push them back. you have no interest in them unless it’s something to do with your job.

unfortunately, you don’t have the strength to do that right now.

“next time.” you think to yourself, “but never again.”

you back down and thank the marquis for this offer as his body guard opens the door to his vehicle, he flashes a small but pleased smile for your gratitude and bids you a safe trip home.

you return a smile at him and watch him leave until his car disappears from where you stand. exhaustion settles back into your nerves when you realized how late it is again.

oh and your brother.

christ. give me strength to deal with this tomorrow.

you sigh and walk back inside to close up.

later, when you get dropped off by the driver assigned to you, doubt starts to creep into your senses whether or not you told the driver where you live. after thanking him and shutting the door, you tilt your head idly at the car and think deep and hard.

”did you or did you not?” you ponder.

groaning heavily you shake it off as exhaustion for your lack of remembrance.

still weird though.

author’s note: kickstarting another series when i’m still not done with four reqs and one series…anyways enjoy and please feel free to like and reblog!

[freakywrites]

Play dress up

Kanato Sakamaki x you

Summary- ….kanato dresses you up? (DUH)

Can be read as fem reader, but anyone can wear a dress, so idk go crazy (*´-`)

Warning: UNEDITED - This isn’t really meant to be a romance, but like killing stalking romanticize it as you wish (jk!… it’s…it’s a joke) abuse!! he probably has u held captive - I think that's it?? One curse word???

Art made by me *im proud of it so praise me* (jk bit I did draw it like 5 in the morning so leave it be)

------------

Your stomach churns as you try to still your already fast beating heart and suppress the shaking fear you felt.

Sitting on a purple velvet chair you watched nervously as the violet haired creep delicately painted your nails, a sapphire blue. His big and dull eyes fixated on your hand that rested in his deadly pale ones, God forbid you even whimper when he makes a mistake and scratches rather harshly at your fingers.

“Doesn’t this color look good on them, Teddy?” Kanato spoke to the bear on your lap. “ I think so...” He mumbles to himself before blowing on the wet polish. “there you go! my doll looks too pretty~” he praised, and you could shiver at his nickname for you a reminder that you are nothing more than a toy to him. You're a living breathing doll he can treat however he likes with no pity or remorse.

The slim man grabbed your beaten up calf. You nearly yelped as he pressed gently at the fresh blue bruise and cuts, maybe testing for a reaction just so he has an excuse to get violent, but it's not like he needed one. Putting your foot so gently on his knee, he finally looked up at you, his eyes sending a cold wave over your body, his smile exposing those white fangs of his that hurt just by looking at them. “See? You look lovely in blue.” He spoke with such glee, almost taunting and playing with you, for he knows if you try to even push him away, he can force you back into submission.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Do you hate it?” His mood shifted and his smile dropped to a snarl nails digging at your skin. Opening your dry mouth, you spoke. “I like it.” A simple sentence sending him back to his toothy grin. “I’m glad because I like it too!” He gleefully spoke, loosening his grip on you.

He painted your toe nails next, and you hear the alarms in your head ring. A few days ago he was shaving your legs pressing a little to tightly he sliced your skin and as a reaction to the pain you yelped and kicked away only for him to grab you in anger yelling insults and cut at your skin till you where covered in red dripping beads of blood that he will lick at. But today, he had no weapons with him other than his teeth and hands

Before you knew it, he was done with his little forced manicure and pulled out a dress that was on the side of a table. He turned to you and spoke, "Come here." You reluctantly got up off your seat shifting a bit as you felt your sore muscles and skin ache like your whole body was one big bruise and with every step was a throbbing pain sent from your feet to your head.

"Do you know what kind of dress this is?" He spoke as be pressed it to your body. You would roll your eyes and sigh if that action wouldn't lead him to poke your eyes out with a needle or something. You spoke "u-um blue?" What an idiotic answer for an idiotic question. "Wrong! It's a dress modeled after the ones of the 1870s." He said, leaning into your face his tired eyes looking to your nervous ones. "I got it costumly made for you, so it'll fit you perfectly." You stare back at him and gulp down any of your insults.

You were finally dressed corset on not so tightly and flat velvet shoes on because he knows your feet hurt? For a guy that beats the shit out of you often, he has a weird way to care for you. While you stare in the full body mirror, you were surprised the dress was very beautiful and detailed black lace on the edges of the short sleeve and a v-neck that exposes your neck and colorbones probably for easy access but to top it of Kanato places a tear drop amethyst necklace with a chain of your preferred type of metal. How did he know that was your favorite?You hold the jewel in your hand, running your finger on the chain.

"Do you like it?" He said as he hugged at his teddy. And you nodded, tilting your head as you admire yourself before you spoke.

"...yes its...beautiful."

------------

A/N: ah yess diabolik lovers one of my first animas next to black butler.... yeah now I know why I had fucked up morales at the age of like 12.

Also got into it again cuz I reacently started watching itMustBeK8 and they watched like diabolik like a 2 years ago- BUT IM NOT OVER MY FUCKED UP VAMP DUDES IDC. AND go watch them they are one of the reasons im going through the week 🙄

Anyways love yall XOXO 💋

[fennecfics]

Cuphead Show! King Dice & Devil x Reader preferences (romantic):

Heyyyy I’m gonna be posting more x Reader stuff here. Also some words are censored because Tumblr is a meanie and won’t let me swear in my fanfiction-

The gender for (Y/n) is vague, but it does have menstrual cycle preferences mixed in, along with some talk about these two respecting pronouns and that jazz so, yeah.

Hope it’s a fun read, I might post more of these guys.

Being in a (romantic) relationship with The Devil would include:

• It’s actually hard for him to fall in love or even trust others, so it’ll take a while for him to say “I love you”.

• Though the first time he’ll ever say “I love you” (most likely after a few months of you two dating) it is immediately followed by a scrunch of the face and him going. “That was… strange..” 

• He forces you to live in Hell with him, and only lets you visit Earth on special occasions. Family stuff, friends, but other than that YOU’RE STAYING!!

• He’s so dramatic whenever he has to cut his nails. He’ll run away from you, or hide. Once, while trying to find him to cut his nails, you found him on the ceiling.

• Despite hating his nails being cut, he will literally beg you to paint his nails. He won't just do one color though, he likes to change it up a bit. Sometimes he'll ask for grey, gold, red, but he loves the black nail polish!

• Whenever he has to do stuff that he doesn’t want to do, he tries to argue that he’s the devil and because of that, you can’t tell him what to do.

• One of his favorite activities is burning bibles, so...you have to deal with being woken up to the smell of smoke at 3AM.

• He's still not fond with current technology, but he does seem to enjoy Netflix.

• Devil giving you weird pet names: Darlin', succub!tch, shmoopie, baby-cakes, cow-pie, and tortoise-pigeon (Being the main nickname).

• If you ever need to practice your makeup on someone, Devil won't mind. He likes how it makes him look.

• Surprisingly enough, this guy brushes his teeth regularly. He got them pearly whites. That, and he doesn't want to loose his sharp teeth, they're his favorite, apparently they make him look intimidating.

• Devil is a man of art, very therapeutic for him. He loves to paint, sometimes he’ll want you to pose for him. And he's actually quite quick when it comes to painting.

• Both you and Henchmen helping him whenever he basically gets electrocuted by the sweater. The two of you are practically the only people he trusts, with Dice being the third.

• He doesn't care what gender you are, or if you're trans. If you're still you, and if you're not lying about anything, he won't care. Along with that he also doesn’t KNOW anything about that stuff, so you probably gotta help if you want him to understand.

• Even though he's the devil, he would never want you to feel bad about yourself. He loves you unconditionally, he would kill anyone who makes you feel that way, steal their soul, eat it, then spit it back out ‘cause it’s clearly rotten!

• If you go through the menstrual cycle and are having bad cramps, he gets very…awkward. He’s not very affectionate with others so he has no idea how to comfort people. He’ll most likely just have some of his little demons looking after you for a few days.

• He tries to use correct pronouns, he mostly slips up though, and he won't realize. You just have to be there to correct him for him to actually notice.

Random example:

(He's showing you to someone)

"Yeah, she's really adorable, isn't she?"

"It's 'they'.”

"...AHHH!" *frustrated demon noises*

• He’s not frustrated at you or the fact you use different pronouns, he’s frustrated at himself for not doing it right. So don’t worry.

Being in a relationship with King Dice would include:

• Probably says “I love you” way too fast, and by that I mean on the first date. 

• If you wear makeup he’ll experiment with it whenever you’re asleep. (The masculine urge to wear your partner’s makeup)

• One of his favorite parts of your body happens to be your hands. He loves how perfectly they fit into his. Sometimes he’ll preform a type of show using his hand and your hand as the actors.

• If you go sit in the audience him during Roll The Dice. He'll immediately see you in the crowd and blush for the rest of the show.

• When he knows you're in the audience, he'll say this while announcing to everyone: "Ladies and gentlemen! ..and (Y/n).." (he'll whisper your name under his breath, but loud enough for the microphone to pick it up.)

• King Dice ALSO giving you some (semi)weird pet names: Darling, fuzzy dice, you adorable gambler, my wild card, little poker, and pumpkin.

• The personification of drama. 

• Has a lot of gossip and info on the other famous people of Inkwell. Will tell you this gossip. You will listen. You have no choice-

• This man may seem like he knows how to do shit on his own, but he actually needs help with most things. Such as you having to help with this man's bow-tie every morning, because he just cannot figure it out for the life of him.

• Perfectionist, such a damn perfectionist. He won't go on with his day without him looking perfectly chipper, and he also spends hours in the shower. Really making sure to run up those water bills.

• A little sensitive about his age. If you ask him about it, he’ll say "that's not important" which is an oddly a creepy answer-

• If you wake up early, you'll find Dice in the bathroom just looking at himself in the mirror with a blank stare. If you actually enter the bathroom, he'll be so terrified that he jumps INTO the shower and closes the curtain to hide himself.

• He's mostly insecure about his pips, or dots. He knows he's getting old, because his color is fading. So...he buys lipstick to cover the faded coloring. But you smudged it once while he was kissing you, and he reacted like he was dying.

• He fiddles with his mustache when he's nervous and yet hates if tell him it makes him look like a villain.

• Much like his boss, if you go through the menstrual cycle he gets ungracefully awkward. But he tries to be very casual about it, despite his awkwardness being obvious as hell.

• “Oh, it’s that week?” Silent for a second. “Do you need me to get you anything or ..no?”

• Will buy you everything you need. And since stuff like tampons were fairly new in the 1930s and therefore most likely a tad expensive, thankfully he does have the money for it.

• If reminded, will carry some on him for you. If reminded that is, I’m putting emphasis on “IF REMINDED” for a f—king reason! Guy’s on autopilot all day, he’s famous but also has pretty much everything done for him, and so he doesn’t have to think about much.

• If not reminded he will completely forget and therefore freak the hell out if asked if for some.

• Like The Devil, he has no idea what being Non-binary means, or Bisexual, or anything related to that. I’m not saying he’s straight….He’s not, he just doesn’t know there are words for stuff like that other than ‘homosexual’ and a few other words I can’t mention-

• So, he'll mess up a few times when trying to use the correct pronouns, except he'll correct himself very VERY quickly. 

• "He- THEY.. are my partner. I said they, of course I did. I would never say anything other than they.” Silence for a few seconds before then saying in a much more serious tone: “I said they.”

• He cares. He’s just stupid/j

[aylacavebear]

Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 14

When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?

Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 2214

Warnings: Angst, suspense, emotional situations, Crowley being Crowley.

A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 14

When the SUVs pulled up to what looked like a heavily guarded wrought iron gate, attached to a thick brick or concrete wall, your heart almost felt like it would beat out of your chest. Dean at least still had his arm over your shoulders, holding you close, but your eyes were focused on the things outside. Outside the gates, all you could make out were the tall hedges and trees that had grown past the top of the wall, which you assumed encompassed the property. There were a few different types of vines, but they looked as though they’d been repeatedly cut back.

You wanted to ask where they’d taken you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak at the moment, even after what the judge had said. As the gates began to open, you felt like you were almost holding your breath. The driveway was neatly kept, winding its way through a pedicured landscape of trees, hedges, and flower beds. The mansion of a house where the SUVs stopped took your breath away. It was the most elegant and extravagant home you’d ever seen in person. The agent next to Benny opened the door, stepped out, and then held the door for the three of you. You swore your jaw had hit the pavement as you stepped out, staring up at the mansion before you when that Scottish accent pulled your gaze to the man coming down the steps.

“Oh good, you made it without incident,” Crowley stated, seeming quite pleased.

“What’s going on?” you asked, relieved it was Crowley and not someone from the Vaught family.

“I’ve made arrangements for you to stay here during the course of your case,” he explained. “One of my men will be back with your belongings, and theirs as well. Now, shall we get some brunch?”

You were still fairly confused, but you followed Crowley into his mansion, Dean by your side and Benny bringing up the rear. The interior of Crowley’s mansion was even more impressive than the exterior. As you stepped inside, your eyes were immediately drawn to the high ceilings adorned with intricate moldings and chandeliers that looked like they belonged in a palace. The walls were lined with dark wood paneling and elegant wallpaper, giving the space a sophisticated yet intimidating ambiance.

You walked through a grand foyer with a sweeping staircase that curved up to the second floor. The marble floors gleamed underfoot, and you could see various pieces of antique furniture and art tastefully arranged throughout the space. It was a stark contrast to the cold, sterile environment of the courtroom.

Crowley led the way down a long hallway, the rich scent of polished wood and old books filling the air. You passed several rooms, each one more opulent than the last, until you reached a set of double doors. Crowley pushed them open to reveal a lavish dining room.

The dining room was dominated by a long, mahogany table that could easily seat twenty people. The table was already set for a smaller group, with fine china, crystal glasses, and silver cutlery laid out meticulously. The walls were lined with tall bookshelves filled with leather-bound volumes, and several large windows allowed natural light to pour in, illuminating the room in a warm glow.

A chef and a few servants were bustling around, preparing the final touches for the meal. The aroma of bacon, cooking meat, and something that was perhaps a fine fish dish wafted through the air, making your stomach rumble in anticipation.

“Please, have a seat,” Crowley gestured to the chairs, taking his place at the head of the table. Dean guided you to a seat beside him, and Benny sat across from you, giving you a reassuring nod.

As you settled into the plush chair, Crowley smiled and spoke to the servants, “Begin serving, please.”

The servants moved with practiced efficiency, bringing out a covered plate for each of you, while others had platters with delectable deserts displayed on them. The aromas only made your mouth water further. Another servant set a chilled, open beer on a coaster near your, Dean’s, and even Benny’s plate while another poured Crowley a glass of what looked like fine wine.

Crowley dismissed the servant as he looked at you, his expression more serious now. “You must have many questions,” he said, taking a sip. “Feel free to ask anything you need to understand.”

You wanted to answer him, but the servants set a dish down in front of the three of you, revealing what had smelled so good. Yours and Dean’s contained the most delicious-looking burger you’d ever seen, while Benny got something that was clearly something he hadn’t had in a long time. You were just too focused on your burger at the moment to even ask what it was.

“Figured you lot would prefer something simple,” Crowley told you, seeing you focused on the meal and not his prior statement.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, looking over at him as Dean squeezed your knee in a reassuring way. “Why are you doing this for us?” you asked finally.

Crowley’s eyes met yours, and for a moment, you saw a flicker of something softer behind his usual confident exterior. “Let’s just say, I have a vested interest in seeing justice served. The Vaughts have been playing games for too long, and it’s about time someone put a stop to it.” Dean leaned in slightly, his voice low. “We appreciate your help, Crowley. But what’s the catch?”

Crowley chuckled, setting his glass down. “No catch, Dean. Just a mutual benefit. You get the support you need for this case, and I get the satisfaction of seeing the Vaughts lose for once.” Benny spoke up, his tone serious. “We’ll do whatever it takes to win this. They’ve messed with the wrong people.” Crowley nodded approvingly. “That’s the spirit, Benny. Now, let’s eat. You’re going to need your strength for what lies ahead.” As the meal progressed, you found yourself relaxing slightly, the initial shock of Crowley’s opulent home giving way to a sense of determination. You had allies in the fight, and together, you were going to bring the Vaughts to justice.

Halfway through the meal, the double doors opened, instantly pulling your attention to what looked like a butler. “They’re here, Sir,” he told Crowley.

“Ah, wonderful,” Crowley replied, delighted as a smile played at his lips. “Show them in.”

The butler nodded, and a few moments later, Sam, Ellen, Jodi, Bobby, Mary, and John came into the dining hall. You instantly stood as Ellen made her way to you, tears in both your eyes as you embraced her in a tight hug.

“Oh, honey,” she told you softly, and you heard the sadness and relief in her tone.

“I’m okay, Auntie,” you replied quietly.

Ellen held you at arm’s length, her eyes scanning your face as if reassuring herself that you were truly alright. “We’ve been worried sick about you,” she said, her voice trembling slightly.

Dean, Sam, and even Benny embraced in hugs before Dean hugged John and Mary. Even Jodi and Bobby hugged the boys, then came over to you, giving you a soft, but relieved smile, embracing you in a hug. 

“We’re here for ya, kid,” John told you with the softest expression you’d ever seen on the man.

Crowley, ever the consummate host, gestured to the empty seats. “Please, join us. There’s plenty of food, and we’ve much to discuss.” As everyone settled around the table, the atmosphere shifted slightly. There was a sense of camaraderie, of a team coming together to face a common enemy. You wished that Jo could be there, as she was more like a sister to you than a cousin. And, oddly enough, even Cas and Garth. Just as you were finally feeling like you were relaxing, your mark began burning, horribly, a pained hiss leaving your lips just as Dean was getting out of his seat.

Crowley snapped his fingers a couple of times while you put your hand over your mark, missing whatever was being said. Moments later, though, Dean was putting cream on your mark. “It’s okay, I’m right here,” he attempted to soothe you as the entire room had gone silent.

“Well, now, this changes things,” Crowley mused from where he sat, leaning back in his chair. “Why wasn’t I informed about that?”

“About what?” you asked, only wincing slightly as you looked at him.

“With that,” he began, gesturing to your mark, “we’ve got a little more leverage.”

You tried to look down at your mark, but with where it was, you couldn’t see it. Frustrated, you looked back at him, “What are you talking about?”

He practically laughed, “Dean, you haven’t told her?” 

All Dean did was glare at him and the others stayed silent, which only annoyed you further. “Tell me what?” you snapped, clenching your hands in your lap.

“I was waiting,” Dean managed through a clenched jaw, clearly annoyed.

“Will someone tell me what the hell you’re talking about? I’m tired of this, of all of you keeping secrets from me,” you snapped at them, looking around the table as your anger finally boiled over. When no one spoke up, you just got up and walked off, practically slamming the dining hall doors. 

Crowley sighed and nodded to one of his servants, who promptly followed you. The servant was a young woman with kind eyes, and she caught up with you just as you were starting to feel lost in the labyrinthine halls of the mansion.

“Miss, please allow me to show you to a room where you can rest. Your bags have already been brought up,” she said softly.

Too tired to argue, you nodded and followed her. She led you up a grand staircase and down a long corridor to a beautifully furnished room. “If you need anything, just ring this bell,” she instructed, indicating a small ornate bell on the bedside table.

“Thank you,” you murmured, sitting on the edge of the bed as she left the room.

Meanwhile, back in the dining hall…

Dean, still fuming, stood up, “We agreed to tell her when her mark came in more.”

Crowley shrugged nonchalantly, although he wasn’t pleased about his secrecy, “It slipped my mind. Besides, she has a right to know.”

Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. “This isn’t helping. How did she not notice one of the letters came in all the way?”

Dean sighed and sat back down, “She never looked in the mirror at it, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her to.”

“Son, she’s gonna be more hurt if you wait much longer,” John told him sincerely.

“Does she have at least an idea of how you’re connected to all this?” Crowley asked, although clearly frustrated, but needing further information.

“Not completely,” Dean reluctantly answered.

“Benny, did she even pay attention when Dean testified?” Sam asked, fairly puzzled how you wouldn’t have found out.

Benny sighed, “No. I was talkin’ to her. Tryin’ to help er’ relax a little.”

Crowley was usually a calm, collected man, but this frustrated him: "What does she know?”

Dean grabbed his beer, taking a sip before he answered, staring at the label, “I told her I know she’s my soul mate, part of the thing with Lisa, and that she’s an empath.”

“That’s it?” Bobby exclaimed in annoyance and frustration.

“That explains why she knows we’re hiding something,” Mary sighed, looking back at the closed dining hall doors.

“I didn’t want to make it harder on her,” Dean mumbled quietly.

“Dean, she has to be told, before her birthday, or it’s gonna hurt her more, and not just emotionally,” Sam told him, his tone soft but firm. “I know what I told you before, but she’s quickly running out of time.”

Dean’s attention went to the doors, his mind on only you and what you were feeling. He’d hated not telling, not letting himself get closer to you than you’d let him. He’d felt everything from the moment he’d seen you that first day at the bar, and it was tearing him up inside that you still doubted him. Sam had warned him of the risks of waiting too long, but he just hadn’t been able to find the right time and he didn’t want to do it once you two had gotten stuck in that bunker. “Dean, are you even listened?” Crowley asked him, frustrated and now leaning forward in his seat, pulling Dean from his thoughts.

“Yeah, I mean, no. I wasn’t listening,” he grumbled.

An annoyed sound left Crowley’s lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Her birthday is in two days. Either you tell her tomorrow, or I’ll have to make sure the doctor is here.” His tone was of concern for you more than for Dean.

Dean looked down at his beer, “She’s gonna hate me, but… I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

“Son, she’s gonna be mad at all of us, but she’s not going to hate us, especially not you,” John tried to reassure him, feeling bad for what not only his son had to go through, but also what you have had to endure.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 15

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If I missed tagging, please let me know. I had a lot of requests for tags for this one. If you'd like to be tagged, drop me a comment.

[the-golden-comet]

✨Motivational Monday✨

Happy Monday, everyone! I’m back with some more motivation to start your week off right (and write) ✨

I’ve received some amazing DM messages this past week, both supporting my works and asking for writing advice. So, I figured I’d share a little bit of my own philosophy here:

Your writing and art doesn’t have to be perfect. Seriously. Humans aren’t perfect, so why should we hold ourselves to unreachable standards? It is inevitable for us to make a mistake, and that is perfectly okay.

Do you know how many times I reread and edited Peter Hart? A lot. There were still a few errors that made it past the final draft. I kind of chuckle when I read them now, and recall that there were typos that made it through print on some of my favorite childhood books. It happens. But…I don’t remember the typos. I don’t remember the minor errors—I remember the stories.

Think back to your favorite book series—do you recall a typo or printing error? Even so, it’s most likely not a big deal. What matters is you’ve tried, you polished, you’ve presented the best possible art you could. And, most importantly: you ENJOYED it.

Art without passion and emotion from the soul is hollow. This is why AI can never “create” art like we can. People get their feelings of anger, joy, sorrow, love, lament… deeply human emotions, out there. It’s vulnerable, it’s beautiful. It’s human. That’s why writing and the arts are part of the humanities.

Look, I get it: If it’s a job, sometimes you have to push through feelings of lower motivation to reach a quota. But I always harken back to the beginning: Why did you begin in the first place? What inspired you to pick up writing or art as a career? What sparked the creativity in your soul, that you wanted to share your passion and vulnerability with the world? If you lose sight of that, you lose sight of what makes art enjoyable: the fact that it was created by YOU. Do you know how freeing that is? YOU are the masters of your own world.

Wonderful people, your art is beautiful because it is uniquely yours. And nobody can take that joy away from you other than yourself. So why not enjoy what you do? Why not find happiness in your penstroke? Why not lift yourselves up, instead of tearing your beautiful hearts down? Life’s too short, lovelies.

Do what you want. Love who you are. Love what you do. Love what you love. 💖💫

[avocado-writing]

don’t have to write anything if you don’t want, but i think aziraphale is the absolute king of reassuring you your body is beautiful no matter what size you are. he finds the human shape so fascinating and wonderful he simply can’t imagine it that you don’t think so, as well. feeling self conscious? skipping on your favorite dessert? he knows just what to say to make you feel better. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

notes: what a sweet prompt! this is 100% true as well

pairing: aziraphale x reader

rating: M

cw: negative self image, discussion of weight

The two of you are having lunch, which is one of your favourite things to do. To be honest anything with Aziraphale is your favourite thing to do. Just being with him makes things better. The two of you polish off your plates at the same time, and he delicately wipes his mouth with the edge of a serviette, acting as if he hasn’t just wolfed down enough ravioli to feed a small family. 

“Gosh, that was delicious,” he says, grinning. You can’t help but agree. 

“You do have the best knack for picking out places to eat, Aziraphale.”

“One of my hidden talents,” he says with a wink. It makes you feel a bit warm and flustered, and you’re thankful when the waiter comes over to clear the table. 

“Would you like to see the dessert menu?” he asks. 

“Ooh, yes,” Aziraphale says, at the same time you reply “not today thank you.”

Aziraphale looks surprised, before turning to the waiter. 

“Sorry my dear chap, can you give us a moment please?”

The waiter nods and heads off. Aziraphale fixes you with a look that makes you feel scrutinised. You squirm inwardly in your chair. 

“You always get dessert,” he says, confused. You shrug. 

“I don’t fancy one today.”

He narrows his eyes. 

“You say it’s your favourite part of the meal.”

“Yes, well, I can change my mind!”

“Something’s wrong,” he states, and he’s right. “Tell me what, my dear.”

“I just… feel like I don’t need it.”

“Don’t need it?”

“I just think I’m a bit fat.”

Aziraphale looks at you like you’ve just kicked a puppy. 

“What?”

“Don’t make me say it again,” you beg. Your angel furrows his brow, utterly bemused. 

“I don’t understand, love. Why would that be a problem?”

You flail for an answer, but end with a shrug. 

“Do you mind the weight you are?” he asks gently. 

“I don’t know. Not really, I suppose.”

“So why try to change it?” He looks absolutely horrified for a moment. “Is it because you think I care?”

“No! I know you don’t mind about silly things like that.”

“Then why?”

You shrug. 

“I feel like I ought to be thinner, is all. I don’t know. I just… do.”

Aziraphale looks around furtively before scooting in closer. His hand sits on your knee, comforting, but something else too. Something a little more raw. 

“Do you think your weight has any impact on your worth, my darling? On your soul?”

“Well—”

“Do you?”

“No,” you admit at length. 

“And does it not make you feel good to eat? Do you think that your body doesn’t deserve nourishment, that you should starve yourself?”

“… I suppose I shouldn’t do that.”

“And,” Aziraphale adds, voice low, closing the gap between you even further, “do you not think I’d worship you no matter what size you were? Do you not think that I enjoy sinking my hands into you, leaving marks, feeling your thighs wrap tightly around me when I make love to you? Do you not think I see every roll as a piece of art, every stretch as a mosaic? You’re the finest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“Aziraphale!” you giggle, swiping at him with a napkin. He catches your hand and kisses it. 

“I’d have you here on the table if I could. Show everyone just how much I love your body. Love you. But management might have something to say.”

You laugh and accept the kiss he offers you, just shy of indecent. 

“Have dessert with me. Damn what they think.”

And so you do. 

taglist: @angiestopit@dazed-soul @@foolishprincipalitee@smile-eywa@staygoldsquatchling02@underratedboogeyman@cool-ontherun-world@emilynissangtr@cool-iguana@this--is--music @ilyatan @lxsm2@clarina04@wtfhasmy-lifecometo@mrgatotortuga@wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke@kimqueenofhell@chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t@am-i-obsessed---maybe@bakerstreethound

[hum4n01df00]

Kylo ren is a goth icon 🥀🗡️

Ok I know as a fandom we have already sort of agreed on this. But Ben is so friggen goth. And I’m not just saying this because I saw a “goth” by sidewalks and skeletons edit of him on TikTok the other day I’m saying this because it’s just so accurate. Here are some further things that I’d like to prove just for the giggles.

- him and Hux look like they’d have a strange ass modern dark wave/post punk/goth rock band that is only available on YouTube for some reason. Hell they even act like band members who have been around each other too long. I reckon kylo would be like vocals/bass and hux would be the keyboardist. Idk what their band name would be but the thought is still funny.

- he has an alias and it’s obviously kylo ren! Idk that concept is so funny and I saw some angst teen kylo fan art of him asking his family members to correctly refer to him as such. Like he’d be so on their ass about it too! I mean he still is but he is more linient when Rey calls him Ben.

- he has at least one issue with a family member that doesn’t accept him and it’s luke (for obvious reasons) but yeah idk why but that might add to this list.

- his lightsaber is red and it looks like an upside down cross! It looks like one of those lights you’d see at a really obscure goth club. That just seems so goth to me.

- he is a hopeless romantic and wants Rey to convert to the dark side. Bro probably listens to disintegration by the cure on repeat(love song being his favourite) and just picturing him doing that is so funny. Just that idea that he is so devoted and has an emotional side is so goth. Also, I just know he fw non goth bands like new order or the human league. It’s so in character of him in a disturbing way.

- his clothing is all black and he fancies cloaks and big boots a lot.

- he definitely box dies his hair (ik Adam drivers hair is naturally that black but the thought of it makes so much sense). In addition to this reason both of his parents have brown hair and I know he feels rebellious.

- if kylo existed on earth, he would definitely be a fan of guy liner and black nail polish. I don’t make the rules!

- in one of those costume/prop (idk which one pls don’t diss me) books it’s stated that he has a calligraphy set and the thought of him writing angsty poems about his situations is so silly and I can totally see him doing that.

- if he existed on earth, he’d totally have an emo phase as a teen and find a connection to goth music later in life. (I know this is specific but it just makes sense to me).

- going back to my first point, his mask would totally be a piece of his stage persona.

In conclusion, kylo ren would be the most perfect goth ever (in my opinion) and all of these points make sense to me in a really strange way. I just know he’d worship Robert smith or something.

Ps- I made a playlist for him so let me know if y’all want to see it.

[anderstrevelyan]

wip wednesday

I haven't done one of these in a minute because I've been focusing on polishing and reworking rather than drafting new words (hopefully by next week I'll have some!), but you know what, let's do one anyway!

Here's the opening of my as-yet-untitled multichapter project, aka my early days of durgetash project (set about a year after they first meet):

*Valas is the son of Gorion's Ward rather than a strictly canon Dark Urge: mentioning to avoid confusion since it's relevant here!

It’s dusk when they first discuss it, a desire so deep Valas has never said it aloud. Were anyone to look up at the quiet manor on a corner in Bloomridge, perhaps on their way home from selling trinkets in the Wide, or while they wander to a tavern bleeding laughter and light onto the street, they’d see them there, the pair of them. A half-drow dressed in deepest black and a human with gold on each finger, the plates laid before them picked clean, the wineglasses in their hands stained with two layers of red, lounging at either end of the settee long past when one of them should have risen to draw the curtains shut. He should do it now, Valas thinks as he turns his glass, watching the candlelight refract. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t, just as he doesn’t know how they arrived at the subject, his confessing the name of the person he most longs to kill.

He lets his voice trail off, and swallows against the dry in his throat. Tries to find his footing. He’s not one for quick words, the thoughtless flow that pours from so many like blood—he often prefers to listen. For a heartbeat, for an opportunity, for the guiding voice of his god. And Enver Gortash doesn’t seem one for silence. Not like this, chin in his hand, long gaps between the sound of his own voice—not unless he’s waiting, too, searching for a flaw. Perhaps he understands this weakness for what it is. Skie. Skie Silvershield. Skie Silvershield the second—not the same young woman said to have died at the hands of the Bhaalspawn who sired him, but Valas yearns for her blood all the same, Torlin’s daughter named for the ancestor plucked too soon. Sometimes, in Valas’s worst moments, his mind whispers that it would be right. To prove himself better than the one who raised him before he found his true Father’s embrace, who always claimed he hadn’t been the one to kill his Skie. That it would be good, further insult and honour to the man once Chosen by his god—Torlin proved unworthy the moment Valas set in motion his death, but he was a Bhaalist all the same, and there’s nothing more Bhaalist than the slaughter of one’s kin. But it’s weakness, coveting one death over all others, no matter how he twists his thoughts. He’s seen such a thing in his acolytes’ eyes, when they come to him soft and raw, his Father’s voice in their heads a mewling thing—they don’t understand, in the throes of those first few tastes of blood, what their work really means. They dwell in emotion, in grudges, in hate, longing to kill an old rival, a scorned lover, someone who did them wrong. The faith shows them: there’s no value in the personal, in passion, if it’s not needed to reach the right holy end. It’s weakness, then, too, how much he’s come to enjoy this new ally’s company. Valas turns his gaze to the window, to the motion on the street below—feet catching on cobble, glances cast over shoulders, plumes of breath climbing in the cool evening air—just as Gortash looks away, too. He must be admiring the curves of his own furniture; the works of art in their golden frames, some so new they sit still propped against the wall; the piles of papers and gadgets, their places not yet found, sketches and plans and small, delicate tools. The home he’s building, here in the Lower City’s most fashionable neighbourhood, so different from where he’d laid his head just months before. But when Valas turns back his way, he’s looking out into the dark. Toward the wall, just steps to the north, that separates them from the Upper City. Valas can almost hear him thinking. “There would be a beautiful kind of symmetry to it,” Gortash says finally, and Valas busies himself with a sip of wine. “One Bhaalspawn filled with remorse, peaceful against his nature, and then all these years later another to do it right. It’s not far from our other discussions of late.”

[chaotic-super]

A Different Kind of Alien

Here's my piece for this year's SCBB! Read it on AO3 here!

You can see the incredible associated art by CorpseCollector here!

-

Summary - A series of events leading up to Lena’s realization that Kara’s alien side is a different person from the one everyone, including herself, has been allowed to see. 

-

Lena’s heels click against the polished floor of the DEO in a stern rhythm that sets every agent’s teeth on edge. Nobody is more on edge than Lena though because she has a worry that’s been keeping her up at night and making her paranoid. One that she is here to get rid of as soon as she finds the subject of said worry.

“What can we do for you, Ms Luthor?” Alex greets her, not at all happy that Lena is using her recent save of Supergirl as an opportunity to get access to the DEO headquarters whenever she sees fit.

Lena thinks it’s great, honestly. She’s never been able to get in here without a million passes through security and only ever when they want to bring her in as their last option because they still, even after all this time, doubt that she’s doing anything without ulterior motives.

“There’s someone I want to speak with. I think you know who.” Lena states, her voice cool and sharp.

Alex’s hands find her hips and her spine straightens even more, if that’s even possible. “Supergirl isn’t here right now.”

“Really?” Lena’s eyebrow raises dangerously.

“Really.”

“I don’t believe that you’re being completely truthful, Director. What exactly do you think I’m going to do to her? I didn’t build her a suit to protect her from kryptonite radiation just to make sure I’m the one that gets to kill her.” Lena’s arms fold over her chest, her voice getting more and more hostile as she speaks.

This is getting out of hand already. Alex can see that simply by looking around her at all of the agents that are pretending that they aren’t trying to listen in and watch the show as it unfolds.

Alex steps closer to Lena and lowers her voice. “I’m not accusing you of anything, she really isn’t here.”

Lena doesn’t look like she believes her, not one bit. “I have already checked everywhere else so where is she?”

Now Alex is just confused. “What do you mean? She should be at work or if not, her loft. If she’s not there then I have no idea. Supergirl hasn’t been needed today, and I’ve been busy so I haven’t spoken to her. Why can’t you just text like a normal person instead of storming into government buildings like you own the place?”

Lena ignores the last jab at her. “I’ve tried CatCo and her loft. She hasn’t answered any of my messages or calls either. I asked James if he knew where she could be when she wasn’t at CatCo and he said it’s her day off so she should be at home. When she wasn’t there, I figured she would be here.”

A frown sits squarely on Alex’s face. “That’s really strange. She never told me she had the day off; she’s usually working on Thursdays. Let me try to call her, she might just be avoiding you.”

“Hey!” Lena scolds her but she’s already been tuned out so Alex can attempt to make her call.

Alex half-turns away from her so she doesn’t get distracted by Lena whilst on the phone and the action leaves Lena huffing and trying to inch closer discreetly in the hope that she will be able to hear what Kara says on the phone if she actually picks up.

When Alex sees her moving out of the corner of her eye, she just takes a step further away from her, a half-hearted glare shooting out of her eyes at Lena all the while that prevents Lena from trying to get closer again.

It takes a long time for the call to go through and by the time it does get answered, Alex is tapping her foot impatiently and her voice is sharp with Kara despite her not being the one to put her in a mood. It makes Lena feel a little bit guilty but overall, she thinks it’s Alex’s problem if she can’t compartmentalise and be nice to innocent people.

Alex’s tone is hushed and since she can’t hear Kara’s side of the conversation, Lena doesn’t bother trying to decipher what’s being said, more inclined to just wait until the call is over so she can annoy Alex further by asking a million questions about what was said.

Lena’s gaze lazily roams around the large open space within the DEO. She watches the agents rushing back and forth doing things she can’t comprehend and the computer screens over on one side of the room holding statistics, maps, and personnel files. She doesn’t linger on those for too long, the last thing she wants is to be tackled because they think she’s stealing intellectual property from the government or some bullcrap like that.

Alex clears her throat once the call ends and she looks less annoyed and more smug. “She’s at the Fortress of Solitude so unless you can magically appear in the Arctic, I’d say you’ll have to wait another day to do whatever it is you’re apparently thinking of doing. Sucks to suck.”

“That’s perfectly ok, Director Danvers. I have a lovely little piece of technology that can take me right there.” Lena smirks whilst holding up her wrist to show off her watch, which has been purposefully modified to create a portal to wherever she wants to go as long as she has the coordinates, which she does in this instance. She’s very glad she noted them down when she was last in the Fortress of Solitude, right after the Daxamites kidnapped her.

“Oh really? Let’s see it then.” Alex folds her arms, disbelief radiating out of her pores.

Lena just shrugs and presses a few buttons on her watch. A portal opens to the sound of dozens of agents gasping because a literal purple swirling portal just opened up in the middle of their workplace.

“That’s really going to take you to the Fortress of Solitude?” Alex asks, doubt still lingering, but overall, she’s a lot more convinced now and also clamouring to know how the watch works so she can build her own because she could seriously cut down her commute to work with one of those bad boys. She could sleep for an extra twenty minutes.

Lena shakes her head with a wry smile. “No, this is going to take me home. I believe that it would be in my best interests to collect my winter coat from my closet before heading to the Arctic. I’ll see you later, Director. I have business to discuss with Supergirl that cannot wait any longer.”

“Wait, what’s so important that you can’t wait for her to return? She only ever stays there for maybe two or three hours at a time.”

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business. Have a great day, Director, and please, don’t hesitate to pick your jaw up off the floor once I’ve left.” Lena makes an about-turn and promptly struts into the portal, which disappears right after she steps through it.

Alex stares at the spot where the portal was just a few seconds ago, her jaw hanging loosely for a moment before snapping shut with a click.

-

Despite the massive coat secured around her, Lena has to wrap her arms around her waist to try and fend off the cold as she steps out of the portal and into the Fortress of Solitude.

Vast walls of ice surround her, and statues of people that are long gone glare down at her, their heads the size of cars because they are so large. “Hello to you too.” She whispers up at them, half impressed, half intimidated.

Taking a look around, she can’t see any signs of life. There’s just ice, random control panels and random shelves made of yet more ice with weapons and different types of technology stacked on them. As much as she’d like to take a good look at all of that, it’s not what she’s here for. She’s here to look for one specific person. One yet to be located.

She starts walking. This isn’t exactly the kind of place to have signs up to point anyone in any particular direction, and if there is, they are all in a language that Lena doesn’t speak. Not that she wouldn’t mind learning. She just has to wander and hope she’ll find her way at some point.

Hallway after hallway of the same freezing design takes her nowhere except in circles. She’s got her ear out for any sign of movement but all she can hear is her own thundering heartbeat, staggered breaths, clicking heels and the odd crackle from the ice—nothing to give away anything helpful. Something helpful that does give Lena a clue is the lighting.

Everywhere is lit by a faint bluish tinge except for one place. From beneath a door that she doesn’t know how to open, she can see red. Not harsh, nor foreboding. A pleasant red, a dulled crimson, one that reads as comforting.

There’s no apparent door handle or button to push to get the door open, but she can see the light around the edge of the door, which she isn’t entirely sure is actually a door. The doorway is arched at the top, creating a beautiful outline that she wants to commit to memory for no reason other than to admire it when she’s not so cold her toes feel like they might snap off. She should have changed out of her heels into boots before coming here. The coat isn’t enough.

Her bare hands press against the ice in search of a way to open it, but nothing happens apart from her fingers getting cold. Next, she tries the ice around the outside of the door. No dice. The final option is something a little more hands-on. She tries pressing her hands into the door and then pushing it to one side to see if it will shift any.

It does shift but she was pushing in the wrong direction because she closes up the gap on one side of the door, blocking the light. She pushes the other way and with a little heaving, the door cracks open enough to peek through the gap and wrestle her fingers into it to move it easier.

Lena takes a look through the steadily widening gap, her green eyes hungrily drinking in the sight that greets her.

The door is shuffled open just enough that when she turns on her side, she can just about force her way through it and stumble into the room, her eyes never once leaving the form of the woman inside, the woman she came here to see.

So desperately, Lena wants to call out to her, a little worried that she hasn’t reacted to her presence because while she hasn’t been particularly loud, she’s made enough noise that a superpowered alien should be able to hear her, especially her loud footsteps, the heels of her shoes taking no prisoners with the harsh clip-clop that accompanies each movement of her feet.

Kara is sitting on the ground, her legs crossed and her hands reaching out behind her to keep her propped up as she leans back, her head tilted towards the light in the ceiling, the one emitting the red glow. Her eyes are closed and a tiny, relaxed smile graces her face. Lena’s not so sure as though she’s ever seen someone look so comfortable and beautiful. The grace she’s exuding is powerful and it almost knocks Lena back off her feet.

“Kara?” The name falls from her lips in the most hushed of voices but somehow, it’s mightier than any other noise she’s made, more compelling.

Kara’s head whips up and she wrestles to her knees in a flurry of frantic limbs and wild panic. There’s no grace or regal stature to her now. It’s all gone with that one whispered word and now Lena is staring into the frightened gaze of a woman that wasn’t here when she arrived. This isn’t the person she was just looking at; this is someone else and Lena isn’t sure why.

She’s not sure why Kara is acting so panicked. She’s not sure why she was sitting on the floor and looking the way she was. She isn’t sure why Kara is now looking guilty and she isn’t sure why she’s now feeling guilty for making Kara feel guilty.

“Kara, are you ok?”

“What are you doing here?” Kara ignores Lena’s question, her arms folding over her chest protectively, her shoulders hunching forward and her voice small in a way Lena has never heard from her. At least, not whilst she’s wearing her suit.

Lena moves closer and sees the muscles across Kara’s body ripple as she resists the urge to move back away from her so she stops a couple of paces away. “I couldn’t get hold of you and I was worried. You never showed up for lunch so I went to CatCo and your loft. When you weren’t there and still weren’t answering your phone, I went to the DEO. I was worried you’d been hurt, but then Alex called and you answered. She told me where to find you and I came.”

A hand slides across Kara’s forehead, the stress behind the action abundantly clear. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought that was tomorrow. My phone was set to do-not-disturb, but Alex’s number is set so she can still call me in emergencies. I thought I had the day to myself so I came up here. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Lena nods, the action slow and precise enough that it only serves to increase the anxiety building in Kara.

“Ok,” Lena says. “So, what were you doing?”

Kara shakes her head. “Nothing much, just going through a few things.”

“You were on the floor though, Kara. Why?”

“Just…” Kara’s eyes flicker around the room for an explanation to draw from, “…resting.” She winces after she says it. That was the worst thing she could have said. No other word is more transparent than that.

The sound of Kara’s increased breaths fills the air and the rise and fall of her chest is the most prominent movement in the room, letting Lena in on the secret that whatever it is that Kara was doing, it was important to her but shouldn’t be spoken about. Not if she would like Kara to continue her streak of never having a heart attack.

“Ok then. Well, do you want me to leave you to it or do you want to come to lunch? I haven’t eaten yet so I’m thinking of either heading to Noonan’s or picking up Big Belly Burger and heading back to my place. Either option is good if you’re feeling up to it. I don’t want to mess up your plans for a relaxing day away from everyone if you don’t want to come.”

Kara shrugs. “I guess I am hungry. Want to head back and I’ll clean up and meet you there?”

“I don’t mind waiting,” Lena replies, noting that was the wrong thing to say when Kara’s unease grew. “How about I find my way back to the main room, the one with all the statues, and wait there?”

Kara’s shoulders slacken. “Sounds good. I’ll just be a few minutes.”

Lena forces a smile, her own curiosity and bafflement taking a backseat to Kara’s overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions. With one last look around the room, the red light of particular interest to her, she turns around and heads out of the room, taking the next right.

“Wrong way! Take a left and then the fourth right. You can’t miss it!” Kara yells behind her. As casually as she can, Lena turns back and follows her instructions.

-

Lena never pushes the topic of finding Kara on the floor of The Fortress of Solitude. She doesn’t push it at lunch or the many other lunches that follow. She doesn’t discuss it with anyone but doesn’t forget it. Instead, she logs it in the back of her mind and keeps it hidden away for moments when she can only think about Kara. It’s a mystery she wants to solve but one she doesn’t know how to approach.

It’s something still sitting in the back of her head though, even as she’s heading up the stairs to Kara’s apartment, the elevator sitting dead in the water with caution tape across the doors. It’ll probably be like that for a while, it took over four months when it broke down last year.

There’s a sense of calm for Lena though. A little bit of the anxiety she’s felt surrounding the situation with Kara has gone because tonight, she’s not spending time with her alone. It’s game night so she couldn’t bring it up with her if she wanted to because it wouldn’t be fair to Kara and she gets to enjoy her time without spending every second trying to figure out if it’s a good idea for her to ask about what happened at the fortress.

She’s slowly stomping up the stairs, her bag weighted down with half a dozen bottles of wine. Not all for tonight but because she’s recently learned that Kara with her stupid, big heart has been stocking up on her favourite wine so she can offer it to her when she’s over and spending much more money than she should be for someone on her salary just because her best friend has expensive taste. She’s brought a couple of bottles to be shared tonight and then a few to stay here for the nights she visits. Also a bottle of nice champagne she knows Kara likes but rarely indulges in because she thinks it’s weird to drink it when it’s not in celebration of something so refuses to buy it for herself. That certainly doesn’t stop her when Lena pours her a glass as a treat though.

The clunky pattering of flurried footsteps fills the echoing space of the stairwell. Lena turns her head to look behind her and see who it is.

Alex appears at her side, eyeing up the bag in her hands. “Oh, that’s a decent bag of drinks, please tell me there’s something in there for me.”

“Nope. It’s your turn to get the good scotch, this is just me restocking my wine in the loft.”

“You keep wine in Kara’s loft?”

“Yeah, your idiot sister buys it for me if I don’t.”

Alex’s head tilts to one side. “She is kind of dumb at times when it comes to hospitality.” She sniffs. “And quite a lot of other things too.”

Lena uses her free hand to swat at Alex’s arm. “Be nice, that was an unnecessary jab. Kara is plenty smart most of the time.”

That garners a snort. “Most of the time,” Alex repeats.

Lena shakes her head and carries on upstairs, more bothered about getting to Kara’s loft so she can put this heavy bag down.

The door opens before they could knock, Kara grinning at them. “Hey!” She wrangles the bag from Lena’s hand and wraps her up in a hug, her eyes falling closed momentarily. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“And I’m here too.” Alex huffs, pushing the pair to get by because they’re blocking the doorway. It makes Lena lose her balance slightly but Kara stands firm, a steadying hand wrapped around her waist and another around her back.

“Ignore her, she’s being insufferable today.” Lena quips when Kara pulls away and looks over at Alex, who has already splatted on her couch, limbs spread in every direction and her eyes closed. “I think she must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“No, I just didn’t get much sleep because I worked late last night getting paperwork done because a certain someone demanded access to files on a certain caped Kryptonian.”

Kara closes the door softly, taking a quick peek down the hallway and using her super hearing once more to see if any of the others are here yet. She can hear Nia and Brainy just outside but there’s no point in her keeping the door open when it’ll take them a couple of minutes to get up here anyway. Then she clues into what Alex just said. “You wanted files on me?” She turns to Lena with a questioning eyebrow lifted in her direction.

Lena shrugs it off like it’s completely normal. “Of course, I did. How else am I going to keep up to date on you and build you a better suit? I think Winn is great and all but I think it’s time to ditch the skirt. It does make your legs look incredible but that’s yet to help you in a fight.”

“You’re going to build me a suit?” Kara’s eyes light up and she bounces on her toes a little in excitement, her hands balling up beneath her chin and twitching as she fights to keep in control of herself. “I’m so excited! Can I help?”

“Of course, you can, anything for my favourite person.” Lena grins, her sparkling eyes tracking each barely contained movement from Kara and it’s when she watches her like this she sees it – the way Kara has to fight to stay in control of her own body, the way her muscles ache to be freed from the cage she forces them into so she doesn’t destroy anything around her or cause harm to anyone. It’s so easy to forget the power she holds and Lena forgets just how lucky she is.

She’s followed this line of thinking many a time and each time it does nothing but bum her out and make her chest feel tight, an empathetic response to the claustrophobia Kara must experience within her own body. The difference between her and Kara though, is that she forgets. She forgets how strong Kara is and the effort she puts into keeping everyone safe. That’s a luxury Kara can never afford.

“You’re the best, Lena!” Kara, now finished with her physical display of pure pleasure, pulls her into another hug. They sway with the force of it and Lena’s hands splay across the muscles of Kara’s back, the tension there still palpable.

“I know,” Lena responds, smirking when she pulls back because Alex is here and she’s not willing to look like a complete sap in front of her, that’s a surefire way to make sure she gets teased for the rest of her life and that’s not something she’s signing up for right now.

Alex swipes the bag out of Lena’s hand, pulling out one of the bottles and turning it in her hand so she can take a good look at the label. She whistles as she reads it. “Oh yeah, we are totally drinking this tonight.”

Kara frowns. “Why did you bring wine? I’ve got a bottle in the cupboard already.”

Lena pats her on her arm tenderly. “Because I’m a billionaire, darling, and you’ve got a massive food bill to contend with without me adding an extra expense to your monthly outgoings. I’ve got the wine, there’s no need for you to put yourself out to get it for me.”

“But—”

“No buts.” Lena holds up a finger and snatches the bag with the rest of the bottles out of Alex’s loose grip before opening the cupboard and beginning to put the bottles away next to the one already sitting there. It wasn’t there the last time she was here because they finished the bottle so Kara must have already restocked. She was hoping to have gotten there before her but since she bought so many bottles, that won’t be an issue again, that’s the last bottle Kara will buy for her.

Behind her, Kara frowns at her back, discomfort bubbling in her chest. It goes against the conduct she was raised with. A good host should always provide for their guests and to not do so is deemed disrespectful. Lena doesn’t know that, Kara’s fully aware that she doesn’t, but there’s still a discomfort there. She’s going to have to find a way around that, maybe she’ll have to start stocking up on Lena’s healthy snacks and disgusting green smoothies she likes even though she swore to never let any of it into her apartment.

It doesn’t solve the issue but it does calm her internal discomfort by a small margin. There’s only so much she can argue without her insistence looking strange, especially since Lena has the advantage of having a logical argument for why she should pay for her drink of choice.

The door flies open just a millisecond after a rush of rapid knocks fill the air, Nia walking in with Brainy right on her heels. “The party is here so change out of your granny panties and get your party thongs on!”

“What is wrong with you?” Alex questions, her face blank.

“So many things.” Nia shrugs and slings herself onto the couch, Brainy following her and taking a more civilized approach to sitting down.

“Hello, everyone.”

“Hey, Brainy. Hey, Nia.” Kara greets them both before turning to Alex. “Is this everyone for tonight or is Kelly showing up too?”

Alex’s lips turn up into a hint of a smile at the mention of her girlfriend. “She’s working late so she’s going back to her place to shower and will show up in a little while. She said to go ahead and order food, just save her a couple of slices of pizza.”

“What makes her think we’re ordering pizza?” Lena’s head tilts.

Kara shrugs. “Well, we always order pizza.”

“Not always,” Lena argues.

Alex snorts. “Can you remember the last time we didn’t order pizza for game night?”

Lena’s mouth opens and she goes to reply but she very quickly realizes she can’t actually remember the last time they didn’t have pizza. Even when they order from different places or have different cuisines, they always order pizza too just so they are certain they won’t run out of food. “Touché.”

“So, pepperoni?” Kara inquires, her phone in hand ready to place their order.

“Get a veggie one too. I’ll order Chinese as well.” Alex starts barking her orders. “Lena, find a game for us all to play while we wait for food.”

“Aye aye, captain. Whatever you say, captain.” Lena rolls her eyes but moves anyway, pleased when she sees Kara giggle at her little quip.

Lena purposefully chooses a couple of games that won’t take too long to get through so Kelly will be able to join right in when she gets here, that way she won’t have to just awkwardly watch while the rest of them play. Besides, if she had chosen something like Monopoly, there’s a strong likelihood that fewer people would be leaving the apartment alive than how many came in.

Food ordered and games underway, they find themselves all gathered around Kara’s coffee table. Brainy and Nia have taken the couch, Alex has taken a chair and Lena has taken the other. Since the last thing Kara wants is to be squeezing herself into the gap left next to the young lovebirds, she’s taken a cushion and is sitting on the floor and leaning back against Lena’s legs.

Since Lena felt how tense Kara was before, she’s taken it upon herself to gently massage Kara’s shoulders and try to ease out the tension one heavy pet at a time. The more her hands work, the more Kara ends up leaning against her and rolling her head forward between turns to give her more space to work.

The pair are in their own little bubble right up until Alex decides she’s done listening to the rather disgusting sound of Kara’s sighs. “Can you two not? I’m sure this could be classified as lesbian porn.”

“You would know.” Kara mumbles, not lifting her head and bringing her hands up to cover Lena’s to make sure she doesn’t stop.

“You’re gross.” Alex’s nose wrinkles.

Lena shrugs the whole thing off. Kara holds a lot of weight on her shoulders, that cape is filled with the sorrows and pain of not one but two planets so if she has to do a little maintenance every once in a while, she’s not going to complain. Even steel corrodes.

With the position they’re in, she can only reach her shoulders without it being uncomfortable for the pair of them having to move so eventually the shoulder massage just turns into head scratches and Kara is flush against her legs by that point and has given up on even pretending she’s interested in the game.

Kara whines when there’s a knock at the door because she knows she’s got to get up and lose the soothing sensation of nails dragging across her scalp but gets up anyway because if she’s not quick enough then Lena’s likely to rush over and pay for the food when it’s not her turn.

The pizzas are here first but only just, the Chinese arriving only moments after they get it all set up on the counter for everyone to take their fill so it’s easy enough to dish out everyone’s meals.

As always though, they ordered way too much food, even with the extra orders of pizza so what starts as a civilized meal as a group very quickly descends into a free for all, everyone piling their plates high with so much food there’s no way they will be able to finish it all. Well, there is one woman that will definitely finish all of her food and even then she’s probably going to go for seconds.

Kara’s food is piled so high that Lena holds her breath as she carries it across the room to set it on the coffee table because it’s teetering and could very well end up all over the floor but alas, Kara makes it and begins to demolish the food in record time, a hint of superspeed definitely doing the trick in getting it down her before anyone else has managed to so much as make a sizable dent in their plates.

She’s up again and heading back to the leftovers ready to grab another plate when she’s stopped in her tracks by Alex. “Hey, make sure to leave enough for Kelly, she might not have an appetite the size of yours but she still deserves to have a good meal.”

“I know, I’ll be sure to leave her plenty of pizza but there are potstickers with my name on them.”

Nia sighs from the couch. “I wish I could eat like that but apparently my alien genes don’t give me the power of an epic metabolism. It’s so unfair, I want some of Kara’s alienness.”

Kara has zoned out, too busy piling her plate up again but turns back to the group when she hears her name being mentioned. “What was that?”

“We weren’t bullying you, don’t worry,” Alex answers. “We were just saying that you’re a lucky alien for your metabolism. I wish being a human would give us the power to eat whatever we want but the Kryptonians have to hog that power to themselves. Selfish.”

Lena starts chuckling along but stops abruptly when she takes in the look on Kara’s face. She’s smiling but there’s an emptiness to it she doesn’t think she’s ever seen so prevalent in Kara’s eyes before. She’s laughing but there’s no joy to the sound, just an undertone of something sad.

Then though, Kara is sitting back down and the conversation changes and with it, so does Kara’s mood. She’s smiling again, this time more genuinely but it’s not the same. Lena saw something, something she’s got to file away with what she saw in the fortress because once again she has no idea what to do with it except spend a few sleepless nights taking the scene apart and replaying it until she finds some sense in it.

-

Lena’s fingers dig into her scalp as her face scrunches up in a healthy mixture of annoyance and exhaustion. The piles of paperwork surrounding her feel very much like they are increasing in size by the second and every time she tries to look at a new bit of paperwork or another email, her eyes blur.

Her scalp stings from the sharp stabbing coming from her nails and she pulls her hands away. That’s a habit she’s been meaning to break but just never got around to. It only happens late at night when her work is too overwhelming for how truly tired and rundown she feels. By morning, once she’s had a good rest and is refreshed, she can barely remember the night before and the bad habit is forgotten.

She tries to look at her laptop to see the screen but her eyes blur so she rolls up her shirt sleeve to look at her watch instead. It’s well past midnight. Definitely time to call it a day and pray that sleep finds her easily.

There’s no way she can leave her desk as it is, that’s a surefire way to ensure that she’s overwhelmed from the second she arrives tomorrow. She needs to pack up a little, maybe organize the files so they make more sense as it could make or break her day tomorrow.

She lets out a sigh of complaint and stretches her arms out in front of her, pushing out as much tension as she can before she rolls her neck, wincing when it cracks in two separate points. Her tired eyes fall over the mess on the desk from this new angle and it doesn’t look any better than it did before.

Lena jumps right into it, moving the files into categories and shifting some of them off her desk, mostly the less important ones, so it isn’t so cluttered. In her process of organization, she has to open up some of the files to see exactly where she should stack them. A lot of them are making her wish that she hadn’t, she’s got so much work to do because of a lot of incompetent people.

One of the piles she’s created is just all the stuff she’s got to fix tomorrow because of screw-ups, specifically one guy with connections to a major board member who feels it’s appropriate to block new technologies being created in the research and development department. How does this idiot think this company is going to run if they never create anything new? She’s going to have an uphill battle reprimanding him too because the board member he’s the grandson of holds a lot of power. In fact, there’s a good chance she’s going to have to find a way to get that board member out of the company altogether because of this.

She’s not going to be sad to see him go but it’s going to be a lot of stress and arguing. She’s going to have to hold a meeting with the board that is going to last far too long and she’s going to have to endure a bunch of stupid, rich people that don’t actually have a clue about how to run the company talking down at her like she’s only got half a brain cell.

That’s going to be fun and it’s totally not going to drain her very will to live.

Her head falls into her hands when she finishes up and sees the pile she’s got to tackle in the morning. There’s a lot more to fix than she thought and it could have all been avoided if this guy actually did his job properly instead of trying to sabotage the company. Actually, that’s a good point, why is he trying to sabotage the company?

“What are you trying to do?” Lena murmurs, sitting back down and going through the employee files in search of him to figure out why he, and probably his grandfather, are trying to stop the company from focusing on new projects.

She comes up empty from the initial searches but when she decides to look into the projects he’s been approving or pushing to be approved, she gets her answer. He wants to make weapons again, specifically, the weapons Lex was pushing when he was running the company.

Lex’s fucking cronies are at it again.

Her nails travel back up to her scalp and she puts enough pressure into the clawing that she makes herself wince but that’s not what her focus is on. Her focus is on the fact that no matter how much good she does and no matter how hard she tries, she’s never going to be able to be free of her psychopathic brother. God, she has to get out of here.  

She grabs her purse and shoves her phone into it before making a beeline for the door. This is a problem for tomorrow for sure, she can’t cope with it any more today. She needs to leave because while organizing is great for her workday tomorrow, it’s ruining her mental health today.

As Lena waits for the elevator to take her down, she pulls her phone back out of her purse and debates whether or not it would be too inconsiderate to call Kara at this hour. It’s pretty likely that she’s already asleep, she does have work tomorrow after all, and everyone is stupid enough to deprive themselves of their full eight hours the way she does most days.

Ultimately, she decides it’s not a good idea. As much as she would love to hear her voice and let herself be distracted by her soothing tones, it would be selfish to do that and it would make her want to go over there purely to be on the receiving end of one of Kara’s hugs. They’re magical, both soft and firm at the same time, like hugging a teddy bear that is as protective as a guard dog. She never feels safer than the moments when Kara hugs her.

The parking garage is almost empty, just a few cars over on the far side that belong to the late-night security guards and her fancy Mercedes off on the other side. Usually, she would just call her driver but she always feels guilty having him on call when she knows she’s going to be in the office late.

She clambers into the driver’s seat and sets off toward home, her eyes heavy and her movements sluggish. It reminds her of the time she saw an article detailing how it’s more dangerous to drive when you’re tired than when you’re drunk and feels a little guilty but there’s not a chance in hell she’s going to wake up Frank, her driver, just because she’s feeling a little dozy. She’ll drive as carefully as possible and keep her fingers crossed. There aren’t many cars out at this time of night anyway and it’s a pretty simple drive.

She gets to the exit of the parking garage and looks both ways but stops despite the lack of traffic. She should turn right to go to her penthouse. If she turns left though, she can go to Kara’s loft.

A while ago, back when she found out about Kara’s alter ego, Kara gave her a key to her apartment. She told her she can go there whenever she wants, she’s always welcome, even if she’s just stopping by for the sake of it. She would have given her a key long before she did if she had been brave enough to reveal her secret, but she was too afraid that Lena would have figured it out on her own otherwise.

She’s only used the key a couple of times and always with a purpose. Usually dropping something off, picking something up, or waiting for Kara to come home so they could go out somewhere. She’s never just dropped by for the sake of it, yet tonight she’s considering it. Even just being in Kara’s space tonight sounds exactly like what she needs to calm her nerves from the shitstorm brewing tomorrow at work. Even if she gets there and Kara is asleep, she’s fallen asleep on Kara’s couch before and it was pretty comfortable, she can sleep there and leave in the morning before Kara even wakes up. Plus, she can get Kara some coffee brewing as a thanks, even if she won’t know that she’s helped her out.

No, she can’t just let herself into Kara’s apartment like that. That would be creepy.

But Kara did offer.

Screw it, she needs this tonight. She’ll feel guilty about it tomorrow but just for one night, she’s going to do this and allow herself the opportunity to have a good night’s rest feeling safe and secure.

She turns left.

It only takes her half the time to get to Kara’s place from L-Corp than usual because the roads are practically empty. Lena’s glad because with every turn she makes, she’s already losing the stress of the day on the road behind her, Kara’s pull bringing her in.

With shaky fingers, she rifles through her keys and picks out the one to Kara’s apartment, smiling at the little heart keychain that has a little smiley face on it. It’s all very Kara. As quietly as she can, she slides it into the lock and opens the door, doing her best to keep the noise levels down so she doesn’t alert Kara to her presence and wake her up.

The door clicks shut behind her and she winces, afraid that she’s going to wake up Kara. However, when she turns around to make her way to the couch to set up camp for the night, she realizes that she wouldn’t have woken her because she’s already awake.

Kara is sitting on the floor, legs crossed and a flickering candle in front of her. Her eyes are closed and her head is ducked but Lena knows she’s not sleeping because her lips are moving. She’s murmuring to herself, the words foreign and indistinguishable.

It brings her back to the memory of her walking in on Kara at the fortress, except this time she can see what Kara is doing clear as day. She’s doing some kind of meditation, Kryptonian meditation.

Lena carefully pulls her heels off, sets them beside the overflowing shoe rack, and leaves her purse on one of the chairs beside the kitchen table. She wanders slowly towards Kara, her face lit up by the candle, the only light in the room. She looks beautiful but there’s something bothering her, a crinkle between her eyebrows that gives away as much and her lips are turned down as she talks as if she’s trying not to cry.

The light shows off the sharp curve of her jaw and the line of her nose. All Lena wants to do is stare. Her eyes flit over every part of Kara that is illuminated and the light golden shine of Kara’s hair might just beat out the blue of Kara’s eyes as her new favourite. Though she’s sure it wouldn’t come close if Kara had her eyes open so she could see them in this light.

She keeps moving closer, her eyes never leaving Kara’s form, her brain struggling to comprehend anything other than how beautiful she is. It’s times like this when she isn’t even mad about her ongoing feelings for Kara. She truly never stood a chance. Her heart hopped right out of her chest and into Kara’s hand from the first time they met. And honestly, Lena’s not mad about it at this point because having Kara in her life, even if she’s doomed to stay single and pine for the rest of eternity, is worth it.

A floorboard creaks beneath her foot on one step and Kara’s head whips up so quickly that it makes Lena jump and stumble back. Kara just barely catches her as she trips and starts tumbling to the floor.

“You scared me,” Kara whispers, setting Lena back on her feet but keeping her close so she can pull her into the hug Lena’s desperate for.

“Sorry. I just…” Lena ponders lying but when Kara is looking at her with imploring blue eyes, she can’t. “I just wanted to be here.”

Her honesty is rewarded with a tiny smile and a faint pink glow to her cheeks, one Lena can only just make out in the dim light. “I’m glad you came then.”

“Me too.” Lena breathes, holding onto Kara tightly and taking everything she needs from the hug. She prays that she’s giving Kara just as much comfort because from what she saw, she’s not the only one with struggles. She just wishes Kara would open up to her about them. “Can we turn on a light?”

Kara squeezes her tighter. “In a minute. You’re warm.”

Lena sinks into the embrace even deeper, leaning completely into Kara and not caring that she’s setting so much of her weight into her. If anyone is going to catch her, it’s her Kryptonian best friend and she wouldn’t have it any other way, not when it feels like this.

“Bad day at work?” Kara mumbles into her hair after a minute.

“Terrible,” Lena replies. “What about you? Bad day at the office or at the DEO?”

“Both.” Kara mumbles. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

Lena almost had her there, almost got her to open up. The floodgates are always so firmly sealed that Lena’s kind of shocked she even got Kara to admit to being upset but she’ll take it. “Me neither. I just want to sleep, can I stay?”

Kara nods. “Always.”

When they finally part, Kara vanishes from in front of her with a burst of super speed. By the time Lena blinks away her confusion the candle is nowhere in sight, a lamp has been turned on and Kara is standing beside her with a spare set of pyjamas in hand, held out in offering.

-

“Why not?”

Lena folds her arms across her chest. “If you think I’m going to let you fly me into the children’s hospital and make a spectacle of both of us because you’re too impatient to travel by car like every other person on this planet, you’re sadly incorrect.”

Kara deploys a pout she thinks will have enough power to crumble Lena’s resolve. “But we will be able to spend more time with the kids if I fly us there. Don’t you want to make the kids' day?”

“It’s because you know there’s going to be cake there since you heard me on the phone with the caterer the other day. Don’t pretend this is for the children. Sit down, we’re waiting for Frank and he’s driving us there whether you like it or not.” Lena puts on her CEO voice, the one she usually reserves for the boardroom, and raises a single commanding eyebrow at Kara.

It’s a relatively new thing, her using that persona with Kara, but it’s immensely effective at getting Kara to do what she’s told, a fact that Lena is being especially careful not to take advantage of. It’s really cute though, the fact that all she has to do is be a little commanding and Kara gives in. The mighty Girl of Steel gives in just because she’s being bossy.

Kara makes her way over to the couch following Lena’s demand and pulls her cape to one side before lowering herself down. She sets the material across her lap so her fingers have something to fiddle with while she waits.

Lena holds back a smile and joins her after double-checking that she has everything she needs to take to the hospital. Kara tilts her body towards Lena when she sits beside her and Lena finds her fingers reaching out for the cape to pinch the edge of it, running the pads of her fingers over the stitching. “I don’t think he’ll be long.”

“Ok,” Kara simply answers, still gazing at her softly. “I can’t wait to see all of the kids, they’re always super sweet.”

“I know, I’ve heard they’re already clamouring to see their favourite superhero in action but I have to admit something.” Lena takes a deep breath. She hadn’t wanted to bring Kara along under false pretences but she really needs her help. That being said, she doesn’t want Kara to get there and be blindsided.

Kara’s eyebrows scrunch together. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t just ask you to come along because the kids want to meet Supergirl, although that is also true, they can’t wait to meet you. I asked you to come along because we’ve just had our first round of aliens come into the hospital as staff and some of the kids are struggling to adapt to it, they are scared or nervous. I don’t know, just not comfortable. I was hoping that maybe by making the comparison between the staff and Supergirl, they could overcome it slightly. I don’t want it to get bad enough that I’m forced to only have human staff because the aliens are great at their jobs. Trust just needs to be built.”

Kara’s expression doesn’t change throughout her explanation and it takes her a moment to speak. It makes Lena nervous, watching Kara as she watches her. Letting Kara think everything through is her best chance at Kara still coming to the hospital willingly rather than just to keep the kids happy. Kara won’t back out now because she doesn’t want to disappoint them.

“I get that. I would have appreciated more of a heads up but I get it. Why didn’t you just ask me though?” Kara is more confused than mad.

Lena’s fingers continue scraping their way along the seam of the cape, her gaze dropping down to watch them travel along the material. “You’ve always stayed away from anything too political if possible, I wasn’t sure if you would put this in that category and want to sit it out.”

She winces when Kara makes a squeaky sound with her lips as she sucks on her teeth. “That’s dumb. I do try to stay out of politics but this is different. This means the jobs of a lot of well-deserving aliens and the care of kids. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You didn’t have to try and trick me into it.” 

“I’m sorry.” Lena chances a glance up towards her face, darting her eyes away sharply when she locks eyes with Kara for the briefest of moments. 

Kara’s fingers play with the edge of her cape as well, but seeing the way Lena looks away so quickly and the shame spreading across her face instantly, she drops it to cover Lena’s hand with hers. “I forgive you, just please don’t do it again.” 

Lena’s teeth find her bottom lip. “Do you really or are you just saying that to be nice?” 

“We’ve gotten past the part of our relationship where I forgive you just to be nice. I have no issues telling you when you’re being mean or when you’re crossing a line. This is something forgivable. Next time, it won’t be. We live and we learn. Are you planning on doing it again?” 

“Well…no,” Lena responds sheepishly.

“Cool, then stop pouting, that’s my forte.” Kara nudges her with a shoulder, sending her off balance. The movement tears her hands away from Kara and her cape, making it impossible to catch herself on the couch.

“Are you sure?”

“Are you dramatic?” Kara counters.

Lena folds her arms, her eyes shifting to one side out of annoyance. “I resent that.”

“I’m sure you do.” Kara nudges her knee against Lena’s and splays her cape across them both more evenly.

Now accepting that she’s been forgiven and has gotten a pass she hadn’t been expecting, Lena takes advantage of the cleared air to rest her head against Kara’s shoulder. “I can’t wait to see you with those kids, they’re always so happy to see you.”

“That’s because every kid wants to be a hero. Every kid wants to grow up to save the world, the cape proves to them they can.” Kara explains, ridding herself of the pressure of being the guest of honour at the hospital. She flaps the edge of the cape up at Lena. “You could just take this with you and they’d be happy.”

Lena shakes her head against Kara’s shoulder, the material of her suit a little scratchy against her skin. “I don’t think you realize how truly loved you are.”

Kara scoffs. “I think you need to see the hypocrisy in that statement.”

“Hey, I’m working on my issues, just ask my therapist. I don’t see you going to therapy.” Lena digs a sharp finger into Kara’s side, making her squirm in response.

“Yeah because that would work.” Kara sarcastically replies. “Hi, I’m here to fix my mental health, please help me forget the image of my entire planet exploding. Please and thank you. Oh, and I also fight bad guys as a side gig which often leads to me getting my ass kicked or almost dying. Do you think that’s healthy? What do you mean it isn’t?”

The entire time Kara runs through her imaginary conversation with a hypothetical therapist Lena gets a sinking feeling in her chest. “Kara, a therapist isn’t just someone to help you forget the bad shit in your life. It’s someone to help you work through it.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to work through the death of an entire species, Lena.” Kara answers back sharply.

Before Lena can answer back and try to reassure Kara that she didn’t mean it in that way, Kara is standing up, jolting Lena in the process and stalking away with an excuse of using the bathroom before they go.

Now that Kara has gone, her lap is cold from the lack of a warm cape and her chest is tight. Kara advocated for her to see a therapist when she was first deciding but when it comes to looking after herself she’s completely unwilling to tolerate the conversation. It’s not the first or last time Kara will put her own well-being on the back burner but this feels like more than that. Kara has some serious trauma and she’s not willing to touch on it more than vague comments here and there. Lena doesn’t know how to help her when Kara doesn’t want help.

Not knowing what else to do, she checks her phone and figures that Frank will be there to pick them up very soon. They might as well head downstairs to wait for him. Lena leaves her office, closing the door softly behind her and giving a tight-lipped smile to Jess. “Is she in the bathroom down the hall?”

“Ms Danvers headed toward the one on the other side of the floor. She looked upset.”

“She is. I’m going to go check on her and then we’re heading out. You’re free to leave and take the rest of the day to yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jess shakes her head. “That’s not necessary, Ms Luthor. I can keep working without you here.”

“You work just as hard as I do, have a rest and come back tomorrow with those stress lines on your forehead gone.”

Jess’ hand shoots up to her head. “I don’t have—” She sees Lena’s smirk. “I’ll go.”

“Good, enjoy the rest of your day,” Lena says, already walking away down the hall to the other bathroom to check on Kara. Talking with Jess helped ease her worry about Kara but it hasn’t dissipated completely.

Coming up to the bathroom door, Lena slows and takes a deep breath before pushing her way inside. “Kara? Are you in here?”

“I’ll be just a minute,” Kara calls out from inside one of the cubicles.

“Are you ok?”

A second of silence follows the question before a sniffle can be heard. “Fine. I’ll be out in a second.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Kara answers, her voice wobbly.

Lena leans back against the sink and waits for Kara to come out. When Kara does, she aims right for the sink to wash her hands whilst refusing to make eye contact with Lena. However, Lena won’t let it go unaddressed. “Kara, what happened back in my office?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just go and see those kids, ok?”

“Kara—”

“I’m fine, I promise.”

She doesn’t believe her and Kara knows it but now isn’t the time. Frank will be here any second and they have a pretty important day ahead of them. “Ok. Are you ready to go? I was thinking that we could move downstairs to wait.”

“Sounds good.” Kara meets her eyes in the mirror and offers a strained smile.

-

Lena watches from across the ward as Kara is swarmed by kids, all of them scrambling to get to her as fast as they can and tugging at her cape when she’s in arm’s reach. She has to give it to the woman, if she were the one being used as a jungle gym, she wouldn’t be grinning like a madwoman the way Kara is.

She didn’t dare bring up what happened in the office while they were on their way. Instead, she opted for small talk and generally observed how Kara mentally pumped herself up. It was a sight Lena had never been privy to before; one where Kara sits with her eyes clamped shut for a solemn moment, her lips pressed tightly together in a stiff line, and her eyebrows furrowed before slowly, as they got closer to their destination, her entire face eased. Her lips parted into a gentle smile, her eyebrows lifted and her eyes opened to reveal glistening blue irises hiding all the pain Kara has endured throughout her life. 

A part of her is jealous that she doesn’t get as much attention as Kara does. It’s a short-lived feeling when Kara occasionally turns her head towards her to show off a dopey grin usually followed by a jaunty wave. She has the attention she craves from those interactions; she doesn’t need it from anyone else. 

For the most part, Lena ends up talking with the hospital staff and management to get feedback on the facility and to see how she can improve the place going forward. However, the issue of treatment resistance keeps popping up when the alien doctors are the ones working. The kids just don’t trust them. 

Lena looks up when she hears Kara gently ushering the kids back to their rooms. It’s clear she’s getting worried about them worsening their conditions because they’re pushing themselves too much for a chance to be close to her. She’s especially worried about the kids who keep trying to climb onto her since most of them have IVs. She certainly doesn’t want them to get snagged or caught on anything. 

“Go back to your cubicles and rooms, I’ll make sure to come and speak to all of you before I have to go.” Supergirl’s powerful yet calming tone gets them all moving, their jaws still dropped in awe at seeing their city’s official hero and unofficial mascot in person. 

Kara strides her way over after the last child has returned to the safety of their hospital bed. Lena greets her with a smile. “Hey, you looked busy over there.” 

“I was five seconds away from being a permanent climbing frame for those little guys.” Kara jokes. “I think I got them to trust me enough that we can talk to them about the alien doctors now. I thought about speaking to them privately or in small groups.”

“I think they already trust you, Supergirl.” 

“Well…yeah, but I want to just reaffirm that I’m a person, not just a flying, world-saving superhero. I think getting them to see that each alien is a person too will help us immensely in our plight.” Kara’s hands naturally fall to her hips as they always do when she’s in her Supergirl outfit, the cape bringing her confidence she hardly manages to find when she’s dressed as just Kara. 

Lena’s hand reaches out to rest on her arm but she catches herself. She can’t do that in public, rumours form way too easily. Her hand taps Kara’s arm lightly before dropping back down to her side awkwardly. The embarrassment lights up Lena’s cheeks in a pale pink that Kara has complimented when she’s seen it in the past. 

She feels awkward and doesn’t know what to do with her hands now. With an ungraceful motion, she brushes back a non-existent hair that doesn’t exist since she has it slicked back into her signature CEO ponytail. 

“Ok, yeah, sure, that makes sense.” She rattles off. “Um... shall we start talking with them?” 

Kara nods. “Yeah, are you ok though? You seem nervous.” 

Lena shrugs noncommittally. “This is an important message to get across. I’m a little apprehensive, to be honest.” 

“Understandably.” Kara soothes her worries, taking her words at face value. In reality, Lena is more concerned about what happened in her office earlier. With that outburst to add to her list, Lena is finally getting a general idea about why Kara has been acting strangely. She can see that it all relates back to her life on Krypton. She fears she will never get enough detail on it to be able to help in any lasting way because of how closed off Kara is about her previous life. Understandably, she has some very large, very raw wounds about Krypton but Lena’s sure something has happened recently to trigger this. Surely she would have noticed something before now, right? 

Lena clears her throat. “Let’s go.” 

They go to a ward first, one that holds four patients. A nurse, a human one, opens all of the curtains so they can speak to all four kids at once. They all look to be between ten and fourteen so they have to try and cater their speech to them.

The nurse stays inside the ward. An alien doctor joins him and stands at his side, her purple splodged skin and six-fingered hands on full display.  Kara nods to the pair and starts speaking. “Hey, guys.”

She receives a bunch of greetings in response, all of them managing to at least squeak out an excited ‘hi’ to their favourite superhero.

“I came here to see you for a couple of reasons today. One is just because I like hanging out with you guys, you’re all kind of awesome.” She says with a dorky smile. “The second reason is to see how you’re all feeling about some of the new additions here at Luthor Family Children’s Hospital.” She gestures to the nurses at the edge of the room, not picking either out.  

None of the kids offer up an answer to her gentle inquiry, their gazes fixed on their hands and blankets.

“Come on guys, nobody is going to get mad at you for telling us how you feel. I already have an idea of what you’ve been feeling anyway. Nobody in this place is very good at hiding it.” She keeps a smile on her face even though her heart is aching for the new doctors and nurses that are just trying to help and fit in after moving to a planet that isn’t ready to accept them.

The oldest kid takes it upon himself to speak for the four of them. “It’s weird.”

“Thanks for being honest.” Kara jumps on the opportunity to have an actual conversation. “Can you elaborate?”

He shrugs a little. “I don’t know. It’s just…” His eyes dart to the alien nurse before returning back to his fidgeting hands. “It’s weird.”

“Is it their looks that are making you feel nervous or is it because they are aliens?”

The kid looks terrified, obviously afraid he’s going to give Supergirl an answer she doesn’t want to hear. “I don’t know much about aliens.”

“So it’s the uncertainty that is making you nervous? You don’t know anything about them so you’re not sure what to expect?” Kara reads between the lines.

“I guess so.” He shrugs again.

Lena steps forward. “Perhaps some educational programs would be helpful. We could set up a system or a book perhaps that everyone could read to get to know a little about their doctors. I personally love learning about all of the cultures of each planet and the different ways species adapt to their planet’s natural environments.”

“It’s true, she questioned me for weeks about my planet and the differences in our bodies because I’m an alien.” Kara jumps in.

“That’s different.” He responds quickly before ducking his head again, well aware he just put his foot in his mouth.

Kara and Lena share a confused look before Lena turns to the boy. “How so?” She keeps her tone light in an attempt to genuinely understand.

All the other kids stay quiet, content to let the boy talk for them. “We know you. You protect the city.”

Kara tilts her head dramatically, her eyes finding the ceiling as her eyebrows furrow. It’s clear she’s thinking and the room is dead silent as everyone awaits her response.

“Do you think firefighters protect this city?”

“Of course.” The boy answers.

“And the police?”

“Yes.” He’s getting nervous, seeing where this is going.

“And doctors?”

“I guess so.”

Kara has made her point.  “So, if we’ve established that doctors protect this city, why don’t you believe that an alien doctor is protecting this city?”

“I guess they are.”

Kara’s fingers dig into her own hips as she sways to a beat nobody else in the room is privy to. “I think that there’s a lot of apprehension towards the new doctors and that’s ok. You’re allowed to take some time to get used to it. It is a big change for a lot of people and we want to make that change easier on everyone. Aliens are becoming a larger part of our society. There is an influx of new immigrants every day. Fortunately, Earth is kind enough to allow them to seek refuge. This planet gave me a safe place to live when my planet couldn’t and the way I pay back the kindness is by helping. The new doctors are paying you back by helping too, they just do it in a different way. We’re all aliens working to make society a little better the only way we can.

“I know a lot of the times when you see aliens, it’s on the news doing bad stuff. Then you see me stopping them but what you don’t see is the vast number of aliens aren’t bad. We all come from different planets and backgrounds and cultures but we all have the same goal in mind; we want to make this planet as great as it can be.”

“Well said.” Lena places a hand on her shoulder.

“But you’re not an alien really.” The boy doesn’t hold his tongue. “You’re one of us. You look like us and you think like us. You’re only an alien because you can fly and shoot lasers out of your eyes, you’re basically a human otherwise though. You’re not like them.”

“Thomas.” The girl in the bed next to him hisses. She looks to be around 12 and is much more open to what Kara was trying to say.

Lena, seeing Kara reeling from the words spoken to her, words that hit her harder than any alien ever could, steps up to take over. “I think a bit more explaining is in order. “

Kara nods passively at her side as she steps forward, therefore, shielding Kara.

All eyes are on Lena now. “An alien is anyone that wasn’t born on Earth. Each species has its own culture and way of life. We have to find a balance between their cultures and ours. Sometimes, they overlap. One of the ways they overlap here is that they have doctors and so do we. They bring so much more knowledge than humans could ever have alone and they can heal people in ways we can’t. They are here to do that and we must show them the same love we give to human doctors because they are just here to help.”

Thomas looks a little chastised but not overly convinced. The other three kids are now curiously glancing over at the alien nurse, a little less apprehensive with the reassurance that she is here to help.

The girl in the bed closest to her holds out her hand and the nurse cautiously steps towards her and takes it. “I like your purpleness.”

“I like your pinkness.” The alien responds, making the girl giggle.

Lena watches the interaction closely. They aren’t about to win all of the kids over but some kids, they can and this is proof. Her lips quirk up into a smile and she turns to share the moment with Kara but finds her blankly staring at the wall.

“Supergirl?” Thomas calls out nervously.

Kara snaps out of it, her face returning to its regular happiness. “Yes?”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You’re ok. Sometimes all we need is a little hand in learning new things. Part of learning new things is making conclusions and testing them. You didn’t do anything wrong; you just need more research. I bet Ms Luthor can help you with that.”

Thomas looks between them, bobbing his head up and down in acceptance.

-

Lena feels guilty about leaving Kara out on her balcony but she previously cancelled the meeting with this shareholder three times and couldn’t make it four. It would set off alarm bells in the company that would take far too much work for her to make it worth blowing it off again.

Kara showed up right as she was about to head into the conference room and she can still envision the little sad puppy-dog pout she got on when Lena told her she couldn’t stay in the office.

To be fair, Kara took it like a champ and didn’t try to persuade her to stay. She just accepted it with a face of dissatisfaction and acceptance. It’s just a shame her dissatisfied face involves a pout that makes Lena want to rearrange her entire schedule just to make it go away.

She’s just finished the meeting, spending the entirety of it watching the ever-ticking clock out of the corner of her eye, and hurriedly rushes to her office, all too eager to get to Kara to enjoy a nice lunch together.

After what happened at the hospital, she hasn’t been able to reach Kara on a deeper level. The blonde keeps her guard way up at all times and changes the subject when the topic comes up. 

Following their first attempt at explaining to the kids how the alien doctors are just there to help in the same way the human ones are, Kara let Lena do most of the speaking, clearly affected by the young boy’s words that were spoken out of ignorance.

The interaction keeps replaying over and over in her head. Now that she’s a few days out from the conversation, she’s thought of literally thousands of things she could have said that would have been better and perhaps more impactful in the moment but there’s nothing she can do now.

They made a huge difference though, that much they can’t deny. A lot of the kids have made attempts to connect with the alien staff since their visit. They are getting daily progress reports of the improvements so at the very least, they have made some of the changes they set out to make.

Lena opens her office door distractedly. She’s clearly not paying attention to what she’s doing, too caught up in her thoughts about what happened at the hospital and Kara’s strange reactions to different scenarios in the past few weeks.

She snaps out of it when she gets to her desk and drops the files she was carrying on top of it. It takes her a second to get her bearings, a little confused about what she’s doing due to her lack of paying attention.

A frown makes its home on her face as she takes a look around the room, Kara nowhere in sight. She was certain that Kara said she’d wait here but maybe she got called away on Supergirl business. That’s certainly not something Lena can complain about. Kara wouldn’t be Kara if she didn’t help those in need after all.

With a heavy sigh, Lena falls back into her office chair and lets it rock from the momentum for a few seconds before doing a dramatic spin. As she spins, something blue and red catches her eye for a millisecond before it’s gone. She pushes off so hard she has to do a double take and half-spin to look back out at the balcony. Sitting there in all of her primary-coloured glory is Kara.

She’s sitting in a position Lena has seen her in before and her lips are forming words that are not known to the English language. They aren’t known to any language from Earth.

Lena watches in wonder as Kara allows her blonde hair to curtain her face as her head tilts forward. A soft breeze caresses through it periodically, a whisper in return to the words Kara is barely murmuring.

It truly feels like she’s watching something magical. It’s enchanting in a way she can’t describe. The pinch of Kara’s closed eyes is a locked door to the wonders and pain within that Lena longs to see but has been barred from ever encountering. The fingertips that rest atop the blue material stretched over Kara’s knees have turned white from the strength of their grasp, the only hint Lena feels she may ever get of the power of the feelings Kara endures day by day.

Lena just can’t stop looking. It feels like if she looks away, even for a moment, the moment will be broken and she’ll never get an opportunity like this again.

She blinks and the moment is gone, a breath in the wind.

Kara’s eyes open, her hands move from her knees and she floats her way onto her feet. She moves from the balcony, letting herself into the office and awkwardly scratching at the back of her head. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Lena croaks back, her throat dry, probably from having her mouth hanging open in her frozen, enamoured state.

Kara trills her lips together, creating a little vibrating buzzing sound. “Uh… how was your meeting?”

“It was ok. I tried to hurry so you wouldn’t be out here alone for too long. I actually thought that you might have shot off to rescue a cat out of a tree or something.”

“Not this time,” Kara answers, pulling out one of the chairs on the opposite side of Lena’s desk and taking a seat. “I was just…”

“Meditating?”

Kara hesitates, clearly not wanting to confirm what she was doing despite being fully aware that Lena saw her. “Yeah.” Her voice is small and Lena can’t help but imagine that’s how Kara sounded when she first arrived on Earth as a traumatized, orphaned twelve-year-old.

Lena’s tired of this though. She still has no idea what’s going on with Kara and at this point, it’s crystal clear that she’s not going to get any answers by just sitting around and watching from a distance. She only has one choice if she’s ever going to find out what’s going on in Kara’s mind and it’s a really risky option. It’s either going to reward her with all of the answers she’s been clamouring for or she’s going to continue to receive The Great Kryptonian Avoidance Technique, also known as Kara telling her there’s an emergency seconds before flying out of the window.

“Kara?”

“Yeah?” Kara asks, her voice quiet, seemingly foreseeing what’s coming.

“We need to talk about it.”

Kara looks down at the white desk and the thin layer of dust gathering across the surface. She focuses on that, distracting herself with the thought that Lena really needs to allow janitors in her office because she always forgets to dust and then complains when she gets allergies. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lena shakes her head tiredly. “We both know that’s not true. I’ve been seeing hints of it for weeks, Kara. I don’t pretend to know what’s going on inside of your head and I know that I will likely never be able to understand the pain you feel every day but keeping that pain held so tightly it burns you from the inside isn’t healthy.”

“Lena, drop it.” It’s a demand. One filled with undertones of desperation and agony. It’s followed by a strained, “Please.”

“You know I’m not going to do that. I can’t.” Lena reaches across the desk to offer her upturned palm to Kara, something stable to hold onto if she decides to take down her walls brick by brick.

Kara’s head shakes and she pushes her chair back, the legs scraping against the carpeted floor harshly. “I’m sorry, I… there’s…I can’t.” Kara stands up and starts marching towards the balcony.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers, don’t you dare take another step.” Lena jumps to her feet and shouts her order at Kara’s back. “Don’t leave.”

Kara looks back over her shoulder, her face scrunched and her lips trembling. “Someone needs help.”

She leaves.

The Great Kryptonian Avoidance Technique won out. She’s gone. 

-

Lena’s phone vibrates beneath her thigh where it’s trapped under her leg as she sits on the couch. Her reaction is instantaneous. She snatches it up and checks it to see who the message is from and her shoulders droop in disappointment, it’s from the wrong Danvers sister.

Two more days of silence from Kara will mark three weeks with them not speaking and that’s the longest they’ve gone since they’ve been friends. Kara’s been completely avoiding her since she attempted to confront her in her office and now Lena’s left regretting that decision immensely, perhaps more than she’s ever regretted anything before. 

The worrying thing is that Alex hasn’t been able to get in touch with her either and neither have any of their other friends. Lena skipped out on the past two game nights when she found out Kara had already cancelled, so the loneliness is kicking in.

Alex has been a godsend though. She doesn’t have much detail about why Kara has started avoiding everyone, all she knows is that something went down between Kara and Lena. She hasn’t turned her back on Lena though and for that, Lena is grateful. She was expecting her to show up at her door with her gun raised for hurting her sister but instead, she’s sending her texts every morning telling her to have a good day and keeping her updated on her communication status with Kara.

Every update is the same though. Radio silence. Upon checking her most recent message from Alex, Lena learns that hasn’t changed. They know she’s physically fine, she’s still been showing up to work and helping people as Supergirl. However, she hasn’t been to the DEO and if anyone tries to approach her at her desk, she makes a swift exit and doesn’t go back until the coast is clear.

Lena’s been to Kara’s apartment four times already and every time she’s been, Kara either hasn’t been there or she’s pretended not to be. It’s frustrating and Lena’s getting tired of it but almost all of her frustration is drowned out by worry.

If their brush with the big conversation has told her anything, it’s that Kara is struggling in a major way and she needs help. How is she supposed to help when she hasn’t been able to get anywhere near Kara? Even if she does manage to get close to her, it’s not like she’s had much luck getting the truth out of her, so what is she meant to do?

Lena is a nervous wreck over the whole situation and she can’t let it go on much longer. Jess keeps sending her home early and when she tries to protest she makes a show of pointing out the stress lines across her forehead, which is both unprofessional and effective. She can barely focus on work when she is there and since she’s working on some very important new medical technology, she needs her head in the game. 

This technology could save lives and it can’t be put off because she’s too busy fending off a panic attack thinking about the chance of her best friend doing something stupid because she’s struggling. Kara has never been the best at handling her emotions and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s made silly mistakes in fights because she’s working through her feelings. She needs to fix this today.

That’s it. Lena pushes herself out of the comforting hold of her stupidly expensive couch. It usually makes her feel better when she’s sad, in no small part due to Kara’s constant insistence that she’s going to steal it one day because it’s so comfortable. Right now though, it doesn’t feel as comfy anymore, it feels suffocating and she needs to get out of its restricting grip.

Before she forgets, Lena responds to Alex with a simple thumbs-up emoji and moves on with her next task in mind.

Lena snatches her keys off the hook.

-

Lena hoped that she would come up with some idea of what to do by the time she got here but no dice. Now she’s just standing outside Kara’s apartment door in the same way she has done several times before, still no new plan on how to get Kara to answer the door.

She knocks softly at first but when it goes unanswered, her knocks get firmer. She knocks so hard that her knuckles begin to ache from the force of her hand against the wood and turn an alarming shade of red. 

No answer.

Ok, so Kara doesn’t want to open the door, Lena will do it herself. She has never used Kara’s key when she specifically knows Kara doesn’t want her there. She barely even uses it when she knows she does. Lena carefully picks Kara’s front door key out from her keyring and hesitates for only the briefest of moments before slotting it into the keyhole with a definitive push. This is for Kara’s own good and besides, it's not like Kara ever asks before showing up on her balcony.

Following a deep breath, she turns the key. It doesn’t unlock. Kara has the door deadbolted. Awesome, another problem for her to try and find a way around. Just what she needs. 

Lena’s never been one to describe herself as desperate but she’s willing to be anything to help Kara. After all the ways Kara has brought love into her life and the evenings spent reassuring her that she’s not only a good person but someone she should be proud to be, she owes it to her to stand up and drag her out of the darkness. To fight away all of the demons that haunt her dreams and nightmares alike.

She slams the side of her fist into the door thrice.

“Kara? I know you’re in there. Let me in!” Lena yells through the door.

The silence that follows doesn’t increase her worry, nor does it increase her annoyance. It only serves to exacerbate her panic. Her best friend is in more pain than she can comprehend and she has seen what happens to people when they can’t handle their pain. She will exhaust every option she can before she allows Kara to do anything that could take her away from her. Lena will never let her go, especially when she knows there’s something she can do to help, even if she’s not sure what that is just yet.

“Kara, I’m not leaving!” She whacks the door again, only stopping when a neighbour pokes his nosy head out into the hallway with a frown. He ducks back into his apartment when he finds himself on the receiving end of the classic Lena Luthor glare, the one that has been proven many a time to bring arrogant assholes to their knees.

“If you don’t answer then I’ll go and get some tools and take your door down! I promise I’m not bluffing.” She finishes her threat by pressing her ear to the door in an attempt to hear if there is any movement inside.

A tiny squeak from one of the floorboards gives Kara away and now that Lena has managed to confirm that Kara is inside, there’s no way she’s giving up now.

“Ok, I guess I better go get those tools then. If I find out you’ve left by the time I get inside then I’ll camp out in there for as long as I need to. You’ll have to come back at some point.”

Lena is much calmer now that she's confident Kara is inside. She never managed to get that confirmation the other times she showed up and from what Alex has told her, she never did either.

She steps away from the door, fully intending on heading back to her car. Her tools are all back at her apartment and L-Corp. Alternatively, there’s a hardware store five minutes up the road. Is she about to buy a bunch of tools she already owns so she can see Kara sooner? Yes, she is.

It doesn’t come to that though because a solid click reaches her ears just as she turns away. It’s followed by the rattling of the door as it’s just barely pulled open.

Lena has never turned her head so fast and for a moment she wonders if she might have just given herself whiplash. She didn’t think that the threat would work.

“Kara?”

Kara stares at her silently, her head held low and her lips turned down. She looks a far cry from her usual happy self and there’s only one thing Lena wants to do.

Kara doesn’t resist as Lena pushes the door further open, taking a step back so it has space and won’t get caught against her legs. Then, she’s pulled forward again, this time into Lena’s waiting arms.

She’s held so tightly that Kara is certain that even with her strength, there is no way she could break out of Lena’s hold, not even if the planet were at stake. 

“I’ve got you,” Lena whispers into her ear and Kara nuzzles her nose into Lena’s neck, the comforting scent of her perfume helping her muscles relax so she can sink further into the embrace. “Thank you for opening the door.”

Lena is grateful to have gotten this far but she is under no illusion that anything that follows this hug will be easy.

Lena pulls back slowly and finds that she almost has to peel Kara off her. It’s a fast transition, Kara not even opening the door to start with, to her being pressed so tightly to her front that it feels as though they are sharing every hollow breath they take.

First things first, she pushes the door shut with finality. She’s staying.

Lena takes in Kara’s appearance and the hardened line of her brows softens, her resolve to force Kara to talk weakening upon seeing the state Kara is in. She wouldn’t say that Kara looks a mess because she always looks beautiful but she doesn’t look great.

Honestly, Lena had no idea that Kara was capable of getting dark bags beneath her eyes and her skin is so pale that it makes her worry that she’s come down with something. She hasn’t seen anything on the news that would suggest a big enough fight that Kara would have blown out her powers but since she’s been so out of the loop for the last few days, she can’t know for sure.

“You look like crap.” She says, her mouth working before her brain can tell her that saying something like that to someone struggling might not be her brightest idea.

“Thanks.” Kara murmurs, her voice raspy, a clear sign she’s been crying. 

Lena reaches out and takes one of Kara’s hands between both of hers. “Have you solar flared?”

“No, not this time. I’m just…” Kara’s eyes drift down to her feet as she finds the right word. “I’m just drained.”

Accepting that answer, Lena guides her over to the couch. Drained is exactly how Kara looks and she’s pretty worried that she doesn’t have enough in the tank to talk about what’s going on. Her worry is that Kara is going to let whatever is eating at her consume her whole. 

“You do realize that we have to talk, don’t you?” Lena latches her gaze onto Kara’s, moving her head when Kara tries to look away to keep the eye contact, rebuilding her connection to Kara one step at a time. 

Kara just barely nods, her chin wobbling and her teeth gritted. She knows she can’t avoid this forever, she just wishes she could avoid it for a little longer. “Can I get water first?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Lena allows Kara to pull her hand free. It’s obvious that Kara’s thoughts aren’t actually on water, she’s just trying to buy herself some time. It’s less clear whether that’s because she’s trying to compose herself or she’s trying to buy more time, even if it’s just a few measly seconds. 

Kara’s hands shake as she reaches up into the cabinet to grab a glass. Attempting to quell her impatience, Lena tries to guess which glass she thinks Kara will pick since none of them match. She guesses wrong. Rather than a large, blue-tinted, bowl-shaped one she often chooses because it’s always at the front, she chooses a clear one, plain and regimented. A glass with no personality. 

Each movement Kara makes is tracked dutifully by Lena but the blonde doesn’t notice. She’s too caught up in her own thoughts, having already filled the glass and started mindlessly sipping, her expression completely vacant. 

Lena takes this as her moment. This is as calm as Kara is going to be and she thinks gentle reassurance is the answer to getting her to open up with less resistance. She pushes herself off the couch and moves slowly towards the kitchen, keeping her movements obvious. The last thing she wants to do is startle Kara.

“Kara, before I say anything else, I want to tell you that whatever it is you’re going through and whatever feelings you’re dealing with, it’s alright to feel weak. You are allowed to feel weak and feel whatever comes your way. It doesn’t mean you aren’t strong and capable. Talking about what’s bothering you doesn’t make you weak. You are one of the strongest people I know.

“Earlier, I was thinking about something you told me once. You told me that on Krypton it was considered brave to express your fears, that hiding them serves no purpose. I think that’s something us humans could learn from your people and I’d like to start practising that myself. I feel that if anyone could show me how it’s done, my alien best friend who is the strongest person I know could provide a good example.” 

Kara scoffs. She gets why Lena is trying to come from that angle, an attempt to entice her into talking by incorporating Krypton into her speech. Lena’s smart enough to realize the feelings she’s hiding stem from her home planet. “Feeling weak isn’t the issue.” 

“No? Then why are you hiding? I can see that you’re protecting yourself from something but that protection isn’t doing its job, it’s suffocating you. I just want to help, Kara. You might be a mighty Kryptonian and have a whole bunch of powers that us delicate humans don’t, but I can still help. I can’t hear a raindrop from miles away or lift a car but I can listen and lift some of the weight from your chest.” 

Kara shakes her head, her lips tightening and her jaw clenching so tight it’s painful. “You really don’t get it.” 

“Get what? Tell me so I can understand.” Lena presses and goes to take a step closer to Kara but she’s out of reach and pacing through her kitchen before she can make any significant progress. 

“You don’t get it. I’m not an alien because of that.” The words are harsh, almost spat at Lena and coated in a thick layer of hatred. 

To her credit, Lena does try to make sense of the sentence, mentally dissecting it, flipping it, and studying it in as much detail as she can in the short space of time before Kara gives up on expressing herself. Unfortunately for her, her brain just can’t figure this one out. “What do you mean?” 

Kara’s lips wobble, a wet anger overtaking her as her eyes fill with unshed tears she stubbornly refuses to let slip. “You think I’m an alien because of what I can do. Everyone does. None of you understand.” 

Lena frowns so deeply her face aches, her mind buzzing away trying to fully understand the half-explanations she’s getting. “Kara, I–”

“You know what? It’s fine. You’ll never get it.” Kara throws her hands up, her pacing stopping so she can pick up her glass and take another sip. It’s the angriest sip Lena has ever seen and she’s seen herself in a mirror taking a drink after an eight-hour board meeting. 

“You’re right, I’ll never get it if you don’t explain it to me. Come on, I know you’re smarter than I am. In fact, you’re smarter than pretty much everyone on this planet, right? You were the youngest member to ever be accepted into the science guild. You told me that. You have to give me a minute to catch up.” 

For a fraction of a moment, it looks like Lena has slightly won Kara over. The glass isn’t released but it’s resting on top of the counter, Kara’s hand still surrounding it. It’s short-lived because Lena makes the misguided mistake of continuing. 

“You’re our smart, strong Kryptonian and you always know how to help us humans out when we need a hand. You use your strength to help when we need it, or your speed, or in cases like this, your intellect.” 

The glass flies across the room and lands in a shattered heap in the sink. “For fuck’s sake! You still don’t fucking get it!” Kara’s never raised her voice to her like this before. She’s practically screaming, her eyes held wide as though she’s prepared to turn her to dust at any moment. On top of that, she can’t remember the last time she’s ever heard Kara swear at someone. She’s sworn before, of course, but it’s always because she’s dropped something or knocked something over, not screaming at someone she loves in pure unadulterated rage. 

“Kara…” Lena trails off, frozen in place. She knows Kara would never hurt her but there’s something about the look of pure, barely restrained anger and having the knowledge that she would be dead in seconds if Kara lost control even for an instant. 

Kara sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes slamming closed and her palms covering them. Lena spots a faint glow lighting up the flesh and her breath stutters when it clicks in her head that Kara is firing her heat vision off on her own hands. That or it’s happening on its own and she’s attempting to protect Lena from it. She’d much prefer to believe the latter. 

The glow fades and Kara’s hands fall from her eyes, the palms singed black. “This is why you should have stayed away.” She snaps.

“I’m not leaving.” Lena states, clenching her hands into fists to stop the unwanted shake from being visible. 

“I’m not safe to be around.” 

“Perhaps, perhaps not. Either way, I’ve been in more dangerous situations and I’m going to stay until I understand, Kara. One way or another, I will understand and I will help you.”

Kara’s head shakes and tears finally fall. “You can’t help me, Lena.”

“Try me. Tell me what you meant when you said that you’re not an alien because of what you do.” 

Kara’s head drops forward, a violent sob wracking her body. “I can’t.” 

“Yes, you can.” Lena hurries forward, taking Kara’s burnt hands carefully into her own. She avoids touching the centre of each, afraid of hurting her. 

“I…Supergirl is…I don’t.” Kara attempts the start of her explanation a few times, her face scrunching up and her head shaking each time she rejects the explanations. 

Lena stays close, refusing to let her go, her thumbs caress Kara’s wrists carefully. “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Kara sniffs loudly. “I’m not an alien because I’m Supergirl.” 

“I know that, silly.” Lena tries to joke but Kara’s not laughing. 

“You don’t.” 

“Of course I do. You’re an alien because you’re a Kryptonian.”

Kara bites her lip hard enough that Lena winces at the sight. “I don’t get to be myself as an alien because of Supergirl. She’s not an alien. Not really.”

“I’m kind of following but I’ll need more of an explanation.” Lena admits. “Can we sit down and talk more?” 

Kara pulls her hands loose and cradles them to her chest. She starts pacing again. “I can’t sit. I have too much in my head. I can’t–” She loses her words and loses her temper again. She roughly combs her fingers through her messy golden locks and brutally digs them into her scalp.

“Hey, hey. You’re ok.” Lena holds her hands out in front of Kara, not touching her but making sure she’s close. “You have too much energy and too much to work through to calm down enough to sit, it’s ok. I’m not in a hurry, just think about what you want to say and speak when you have found the right words.”

She doesn’t get a verbal response but Kara’s hands stop clawing at her head and her pacing is less agitated. Lena assumes she’s getting through to her little by little. There is one thing that is abundantly clear though, Kara has been struggling with this for a lot longer than she realized and something tipped her over the edge.

Kara swallows down the lump in her throat. “When people think of me as an alien, they think of Supergirl. They think Supergirl is the alien in this scenario, but I disagree. I think Supergirl is as human as they come.” 

Lena’s face scrunches in confusion. “How so?” 

Kara shrugs, her anger starting to dissipate the more she shares. “She was born on Earth. Her powers are made from the Earth’s yellow sun. Supergirl can fly because of your sun and the optimal gravitational pull of this planet. Sure, physiology comes into play but Supergirl has never and would never have existed on Krypton.” 

A sudden dawning recognition hits Lena with the force of a freight train, her eyes widen and she lets out a soft gasp. “Right, because Krypton had the red sun, Rao. You didn’t experience any of that. You’re an alien because of your memories and experiences of Krypton, not the ones forced on you living beneath a yellow sun.” 

“My culture makes me an alien. My life on Krypton makes me an alien. The life I lost makes me an alien. Anything that’s happened on Earth? That makes me human and I’m not a human. I don’t feel human, but I have all of this humanity in me that just feels…wrong. I feel like a fraud, Lena. I’m living a lie and I don’t know how to cope with that.”

Lena wants to reach out so badly, to take Kara into her arms again and never let her go. “Do you feel like a fraud as Supergirl or Kara?” She’s almost afraid of the answer, one being significantly worse than the other.

“Both.” Kara’s lips wobble, her eyes close, and her chest heaves with a sob she won’t let escape.

“How can I help?”

Kara’s head shakes from side to side, the movement starts off slow but gets quicker until Lena can’t take it anymore. She walks right up to her and stops the motion with a hand on either side of her face. In response, Kara’s hands fly up to her wrists, but they don’t try to push her away. Her trembling fingertips rest gently against her skin, the shake of them vibrates the flesh because, in her attempt to keep her strength contained, her superspeed activates against her will.

It tickles and Lena has to suppress a smile despite herself. “I’ve got you.”

“I don’t think I can live like this, Lena. How can I live this way when I hate who I am?”

If Lena’s heart wasn’t broken before, it is now. In fact, it shatters into so many fractals that even a world-class jigsaw master couldn’t piece it back together again. “You—” Lena isn’t sure how to build off that. How is she meant to provide any level of meaningful comfort in the face of such a bold, gut-wrenching admission? “Kara…”

Kara sniffs loudly and turns away from her, leaving her standing with her arms held up in the place Kara’s face was. Lena takes a second to reanimate herself, her body slowed by the empathetic agony ravaging her brain.

Kara stalks around the loft before settling in the living room. She stands there for a second, her hands clenching and unclenching as she tries to make a decision that should be simple.  However, in her current state, it is the hardest she’s ever been faced with. Her eyes dart between the couch and the chairs several times. Lena notices. Of course she does, her eyes haven’t left Kara since she moved. She takes the decision out of Kara’s hands by meeting her in the living room and guiding her onto the couch with a gentle hand on her waist.

“There’s nothing I can say to take the pain away, Kara. I wish there was.” Lena says, her voice barely more than a whisper as she piles herself onto the couch beside Kara. She pulls her legs up beside her as she sits at an angle.

“I’ve spent so much time hiding who I am that I can’t remember which parts of me are real anymore. I do know that I’m not what everyone thinks I am, and that makes me so…mad.” Her teeth grit and her hands clench once more. She turns her head away from Lena, terrified that she’s going to scare her off and then she’ll truly be alone. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

Lena closes a hand over the clenched fist that is closest to her. “It’s ok to be angry.”

“I just…” Kara’s head drops down, her gaze settling on their joined hands. “I’ve been trying to figure out who I was and who I am, but I didn’t expect to feel so ashamed.”

“Ashamed of who you are or who you’ve become?”

“All of it,” Kara admits, finally looking up into the comforting green of Lena’s eyes. “I’ve been pushing my true, Kryptonian self aside for so long that it feels wrong to try and live authentically. It feels like I’m doing something dirty. I can’t just be Supergirl because she’s a whole other mess that I loathe. I love being able to help people, and the powers can be cool, but I want to feel normal again. I want to feel the same way I did as a kid when I got to wake up in the morning and my first thought wasn’t about being careful so my feet didn’t go through the floorboards. I want to feel that again.”

Lena goes to speak but Kara’s not done. Now that she’s started, she can’t stop.

“Supergirl is everything I thought I needed to be because of what happened to Krypton and what happened to me when I came to Earth. My parents sent me here to protect my cousin, but that wasn’t possible. Instead, I protect everyone. My powers, the ones I never asked for, make sure I can do that. It just fuels this need inside me to prove that my existence outside of Krypton isn’t worthless. That my carefully scripted future, the one torn away from me, means something. I was supposed to be one of the greatest scientists in the Andromeda galaxy. I wanted to be.”

“And what about Kara Danvers?” Lena asks, terrified to hear Kara shred that part of herself to pieces too.

“She’s a lie,” Kara matter-of-factly states.

“How so?”

Kara sighs, “She’s the person I created so I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life alone.”

“Why would you be alone?”

Kara looks at her like she’s just asked the dumbest question on Earth. “This planet doesn’t accept different.”

Lena can’t deny that. “Ok, carry on with your Kara Danvers explanation.”

Kara’s eyes roll as she remembers the point she was making and continues her explanation. “She is a big part of me, I can admit that, but fundamentally, we couldn’t be more different. The hard part is that I’ve spent so long pretending to be her that the mask is a reflex. I respond to situations and questions as her, but I can’t tell where she ends and the real me begins anymore.”

“You don’t think there’s an overlap? That you’re both part of Kara Zor-El?”

“I don’t know who I am. How am I meant to figure that out? What kind of pathetic person doesn’t even know who they are?”

“Hey.” Lena scolds. “I don’t care how upset you are or how much you’re struggling, nobody calls my best friend pathetic. You hear me?”

Kara nods dumbly, more to humour Lena than anything else. “Ok.”

“Good. Since you want to figure out who you are, we’ll do it together.”

“How?”

Lena shrugs. “I’m not exactly sure, but that’s ok. We can figure it out together. Maybe we can start by talking about the person you remember being back when you were on Krypton. If we figure out who you were then maybe we can figure out who you want to be now.”

Kara nods, but it’s apparent that she’s entirely uncertain. Not just about the method but also talking about Krypton. She lets little droplets of information out during conversations when she’s exceptionally relaxed or at ease, but usually only with Alex or Lena. Still, she never has a full-blown conversation with anyone about her past life. The thought alone brings the pain bubbling back to the surface, the fire that took Krypton melting her skin from the inside out.

Lena can sense her trepidation; it’s written all over her face. “We can take it as slow as you need. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

As though she doesn’t really believe her, the hand closest to Lena starts moving and searching until she finds the edge of Lena’s sweater. Her fingers hook into it and close tightly around the fabric. Lena looks down at the knuckles that have whitened with the pressure and briefly thinks that Kara might rip her sweater. Internally, she quickly reminds herself that her sweater is the last thing that matters right now.

Lena scoots closer to Kara so their legs touch and she wraps her arm around the back of the couch, her fingertips almost brushing Kara’s opposite shoulder. Within a few seconds, she subconsciously starts playing with strands of blonde hair and Kara fully leans into her, soaking in the pure comfort of Lena’s embrace.

“Tell me about Krypton, Kara.”

Those words are everything Kara has wanted to hear for years and also everything she doesn’t right now. The duality of it confuses her more than anything, she’s at war with herself and it’s one she can’t predict the outcome of.

“Please.” Lena rests her head against Kara’s.

A stuttering breath.

“Ok.”

“Were you a happy kid?” Lena asks.

It’s definitely not the question she is anticipating. She expected Lena to ask about science or technology, maybe a question or two about the school system or healthcare on Krypton, but this one? A question solely focused on her, not Krypton? It catches her off guard. This isn’t a selfish question, not at all. The fact that she thought so little of Lena, to think she would use this opportunity to quell her curious mind, makes her feel guilty.

“I was.” Kara nudges her head closer to Lena’s, readjusting to find the comfiest spot. “The happiest. I barely remember any time when I was really sad, more than just dumb kid stuff.”

“Like what?”

“When I was eight, I was playing with my Aunt Astra. I was chasing her and I tripped. My forehead smashed against a table in the living room and I knocked off some fancy decorative vase my mom had just bought. I felt so bad because my mom had been raving about that vase all week.”

Lena winces at the thought of a tiny eight-year-old Kara flying into a table face first, her little face quickly dampening with her tears. “Were you alright?”

“I was mostly ok. That’s how I got this scar on my forehead.” Kara places a finger atop her scar and turns her face to show Lena. “I guess the yellow sun doesn’t heal old wounds.”

“I guess not.” Lena frowns, trying to figure out the science of how that works.

“Anyway, my mom was more concerned with the blood pouring down my face, as any mother would, but even at that age, I could see how sad she was about the vase. I tried to pick up the pieces so I could fix it.”

Lena’s lips quirk up. “Let me guess, you cut yourself?”

“Oh, big time. Aunt Astra practically ripped my hand off pulling me away from the shards but it was too late, I cut the palm of my hand. It didn’t really scar since it was a shallow cut. It hurt like a bitch though. It was the first time I ever swore. It was also the first time my mom spanked me so hard I couldn’t sit down for at least an hour after.”

It’s unavoidable at that point, Lena can’t hold back her laughter. Her chest shakes and her free hand comes up to cover her mouth in a solid attempt to stifle her laughter. It doesn’t work well, and Kara ends up side-eyeing her for laughing. It only lasts for five seconds before she admits that it’s funny and starts smiling along to the melody of Lena’s giggles.

“Sorry.” Lena reduces her laughter down to nothing more than a smile. “It’s just funny to think of a baby you swearing and your mom setting you over her knee.”

Kara rolls her eyes at her. “Well, I never went over her knee. She just lifted me off the ground by my elbow with one hand and then took aim. One spank and it was over, but it was a good one.”

Lena just barely managed to hold in her laugh this time. “And what happened after that?”

“She hugged me and told me not to worry about the vase. My aunt and mom cleaned me up, got a bandage on my head and hand, then we carried on about the day like nothing happened. The next day though, my aunt came to pick me up and took me to this sculpting class held by the Art Guild. She helped me create a sculpture of a H’Raka. It’s sort of like a dragon with four wings, an animal native to Krypton. My uncle Jor-El actually had one that I rode once. It was incredible and I remember wishing that one day, I’d be able to fly every day. I guess my wish came true in a way. Now, I wish it hadn’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Lena snuggles closer, her fingers still gently twisting Kara’s hair in loops.

“Don’t be. It’s not something anyone can control.” She clears her throat before getting back to the story. “So, we made the H’Raka sculpture and I gave it to my father. I remember being really frustrated because I couldn’t get the wings right, but he told me it was perfect, and I felt so proud. My mom told me it was the perfect thing to replace the vase and it was much better because it was made with love for my father. She never moved it. She used to rearrange that room every few months when she got bored but the sculpture? She never moved it.”

“They really loved you.” Lena brushes Kara’s hair back out of her face, revealing red blotchy skin from crying.

“I loved them.”

“So, you were a creative little perfectionist and obviously a daddy’s girl.” Lena deduces. “That’s something to build from.”

Kara smiles sadly. “I guess so.”

Lena nuzzles closer. “You’ve always been creative and I know that you still paint so that’s all you. That’s not something that you’ve done to fit in, that’s Kara Zor-El.”

Kara nods, her smile brightening. “I suppose it is.”

“There’s more of you still lingering than you think, Kara. You think you suppressed yourself when you came here and while that’s true to some extent, nobody can bury their true self indefinitely. The real you will always shine through. It’s time for you to find those pieces and reconnect with them, fully and truly.”

Kara bites the inside of her cheek. Self-doubt is already gnawing at her again. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“Live as your true self? Why not? Because you’re unsure you can find her again or because you can’t imagine allowing yourself to live authentically?” 

“I think it’s because it would be difficult to dredge up the parts of myself that I buried long ago. Plus the added pressure of fighting with everyone in my life telling me I’m being selfish and putting others in danger simply by being Kryptonian. By being who I really am, an actual alien and not a superpowered human.

Lena’s eyebrows scrunch up in confusion, causing lines to form across her forehead. “Who would say that? Our friends only want the best for you and Alex is the most protective older sister on the planet. She’d never let anyone talk badly about you.”

“Alex is protective. That’s the point. She’s so overprotective that whenever I’ve tried to introduce a part of my culture into my life, she’s told me I’m being reckless. She’s constantly telling me that I need to ensure I’m not displaying any signs of my alien heritage because it might get someone hurt. I understand where she’s coming from, I do, but I need to have a connection to Krypton. I need to feel that tether back to my true self. I’m afraid if I don’t, if I continue to listen to others, I’ll lose myself forever. And that scares me the most.”

Lena knows Alex has always been a big advocate for Kara keeping her identity a secret, but she never realized that her protective nature is a large part of why Kara feels disconnected, lost. Thinking about it now though, she can see why it has affected her so deeply. Kara looks up to her big sister. She’s always relied on her for advice, so in Kara’s life, Alex’s word might as well be law.

“What are some of the ways you’ve tried to introduce your culture into your life? I think focusing on your culture and adding it back into your life is a great way to reconnect with yourself, to remember who you are.”

“You saw some of it.”

“The meditation?” Lena asks, her mind suddenly replaying all of the moments in the past few weeks. She thinks back to all of the times when Kara behaved strangely before darting off or suddenly changing the subject.

Kara nods. “Yeah. There’s that, and I am trying to do it regularly. I recite ancient Kryptonian meditation rituals meant to help strengthen the mind. I’ve also been making frequent trips to the Fortress of Solitude. I use a red sun emitter to recreate my physiology on Krypton so I can relax without my powers getting in the way.”

“If you’re only practicing the meditation and rituals at the Fortress, you’re not truly bridging your life and your culture. Do you think, even subconsciously, you’re restricting the meditation to that place in an attempt to hide what you’re doing?”

“Yeah. I think there’s a part of me that’s ashamed and that’s why I hide it. Maybe?” Kara’s voice is small as she admits it. She nervously bites her lip before finding Lena’s eyes. “It obviously didn’t work with you, huh? You found me anyway.”

Lena shifts so the hand hanging over the back of the couch rests directly over Kara’s shoulders. She pulls her in closer. “You know I’ll always find you. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’re hiding from or what you’re struggling with. You can’t keep me away for long.”

“Clearly.” Kara teases half-heartedly. “You threatened to take my door off like I’m a stroppy teenager grounded by an overly strict parent.”

Lena snickers, pressing her lips to Kara’s cheek without thinking too much of it. “Sorry, it was the only thing I could think of to get you to open it and I was getting worried. I am worried.”

“I didn’t mean to worry you.” Kara looks genuinely remorseful and presses herself ever closer to Lena, taking the comfort she craves as Lena willingly hands it over. “I didn’t want you seeing me like this. I was hoping to get my head straight before showing my face again.”

Lena sighs softly. “I think it’s high time you stop trying to handle everything on your own and let me share some of the weight you carry on your shoulders. I want to help, Kara. Please let me.”

“But—”

“No buts, I’m here and so are our friends. I’ll talk to Alex and get her to back off. She probably doesn’t realize the pain she’s caused you.” She pauses. “Besides, you deserve to explore your culture, to rediscover it again. And, if it’s ok with you, I want to explore it with you.”

“Really? You would really want to do that?”

“I would absolutely love to.” Lena confirms.

Kara ducks her head, her lips just barely curl into a smile and her cheeks flush red. “Thank you.”

“Always.”

Kara’s tongue darts out to wet her dry lips. “So, do you want to hear more about Krypton?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Lena nudges her with an affectionate smile on her face. The arm wrapped around Kara’s shoulders stops her from moving away. “I want to hear more about you, silly.”

“What do you want to know?”

The answer comes easily to Lena. “Anything you’re willing to share. Everything you’re willing to share. I want to know everything, and I want to help you piece together every part of yourself until you feel whole again.”

All at once, Kara realizes that the chaotic energy that is running amuck through her body has dissipated. Her overwhelming need to keep moving is gone, and the stiffness in her neck from the stress has loosened somewhat. All of this is from one conversation with Lena. It’s just the start, that much is evident, but a start she so desperately needs.

“Do you think I’ll ever just wake up and feel like I’m living my truth instead of a lie?” Kara asks, a crinkle forming between her eyebrows as she awaits Lena’s answer.

“I don’t think that’s something anyone can promise, but I can promise that whatever you feel or whoever you are, I am with you. You’re a mixture of three people right now, and you might not know how to navigate your way through it, but I know who you are, Kara. I think I’ve always loved the person you are, even when you didn’t. I see you clear as day, and I love who I see.”

“You do?” Kara’s heart pounds and her breath catches in her throat. She thinks those words might be the most unexpected thing Lena has said all day.

It’s not something Lena set out to admit today, or ever for that matter, but taking it back would only cause Kara more pain. If putting her own heart on the line spares Kara some pain, she’s willing to do it. “I do.”

Kara looks nervous. It’s something Lena picks up on with no difficulty. The fingers still entwined with her sweater push through the material. Kara still maintains her grip beneath the gentle, blanketing weight of Lena’s hand. A thin layer of sweat forms between them but neither wants to move nor pay it any mind.

“You don’t have to say it back or feel any obligation to return my feelings. I need you to know you are still as loved and accepted as you were before you came to Earth. You have at least one person that looks at you like you’re the brightest star in the sky, someone that sees you for exactly who you are, Kara. Even when you don’t see it yourself.”

“Why?” The word comes out in a broken crack. The disbelief in Kara’s voice is a vice crushing Lena’s ribs, making it hard for her to breathe.

Lena adjusts, her arm unwraps from Kara’s shoulders, the hand covering Kara’s moves so she can shift, and she looks directly into Kara’s eyes. Her hands cup Kara’s face with a delicacy that Kara hasn’t experienced since she felt those first beating rays of the warm yellow sun that makes her practically invincible. Now, it makes her feel like that tender touch is all that is keeping her from shattering into a million pieces.

“How could I not?” Lena whispers. “You’re my everything.”

“I’m not. I don’t even know—”

Lena’s thumb cuts her off as it rests across her lips. “No. You don’t have everything worked out, and you’re only beginning your journey of figuring yourself out, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see your beauty. It doesn’t mean I can’t look at you and see you for exactly who you are. My Kara. My alien from Krypton. A woman who is a little bruised but not as broken as she thinks. My best friend, someone that I will never leave to face the journey alone, I promise.”

Kara’s lips wobble beneath Lena’s thumb, the warm skin has moved from pressing to stroking over her bottom lip in precise strokes, only exacerbating the desire to do one thing.

She leans in and presses her lips to Lena’s. It’s needy and desperate. Lena is her life raft in the middle of a raging ocean. The waves tower twenty feet overhead and crash down on her but Lena braves the storm and keeps her afloat.

Lena pushes her back slightly as they break away from the lingering kiss to breathe. “I need you to be sure, Kara. I love you and I will be by your side no matter what, but don’t do this if you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it.”

Kara presses back in and this time, there’s no resistance. Her hands, still cupping Kara’s face, start to stray. One entangles in messy blonde hair and the other stokes at a damp cheek, wiping away tears as they come and making a promise to do so forevermore if that’s what it takes.

Kara separates their lips just enough to murmur words that make Lena feel like the luckiest woman walking the Earth. “I love you too. I may not know much right now, but I know that and I’ve known it for a while.”

There’s a brief attempt for another kiss but it’s impossible around the smiles they’re now sporting. Smiles more genuine than any that have ever graced their faces before. Lena leans back to take in the moment, to fully commit Kara to her memory. The tears do nothing to dampen the happiness of the moment. Tears Lena is well aware will make their way down her face.

Kara sucks in a deep breath, attempting to calm the hummingbird flutter of her heart. “So, where do we go from here?”

“We do exactly what we already said we would.” Lena answers in a low murmur. “We will explore the things you need to do so you can live your life as your most authentic self, and we keep doing it until you look in the mirror and see what I see. We keep going until you can’t take your eyes off yourself because you truly love what you see. Every time you look, I want you to find something about yourself that you thought was lost forever. I want you to stare and search for that certain something that will catch your eye and make you realize something even more profoundly and perfectly, Kara.”

“And what about you?”

“I’ll be here every step of the way.” Lena leans up to press a chaste kiss to Kara’s forehead, avoiding the dampened cheeks, tears glistening against tan skin. “I’ll be here on the days when the first thing you think about is being careful not to put your feet through the floor, and I’ll be here on the days when you rediscover something new to love about yourself. It’s going to be a slow process. You won’t find yourself overnight and you won’t find the peace you seek without a long slog through your trauma, but I’ll still be here. Every step, every fall, every triumph, Kara. I’ll be here.”

Kara’s sobs break the intensity in the air from Lena’s speech. She topples forward and buries herself into Lena’s chest, her head falls beneath Lena’s chin and her hands scramble for fresh purchase in the back of her sweater, balancing the holes she already created in the front. “You’ll really wait for me to do all of that?”

“I’m not waiting for anything, darling. Whether you’re struggling or thriving, happy or sad, angry or loving, I’m here and I’m ecstatic you’re letting me be. You give me so much more than you realize, not just as Kara Danvers or Supergirl. Hell, not even as Kara Zor-El. You give me so much as the woman who shows up at my office to bring me food because you know I’ll work through lunch otherwise. You’re the woman that happily sat through hours of board game practice with me because I was nervous to meet your friends. You let me put all my anxiety into the actual games of game night because you knew that wasn’t what I was actually scared about. You’re the woman that shows up at my place with a bottle of wine and open arms when you know I’ve had a bad day. And you do it all just because you care.”

“That’s how I know I’m not waiting. I get to be with the kindest, most loving, nurturing woman, no matter what else is going on. Some parts of you show through no matter what mask you wear, and those are the parts I love the most. The parts that made me fall in love with you in the first place.”

Kara weeps into Lena’s chest and allows Lena to hold her so tightly that it feels like her handprints will be tattooed over her spine tomorrow. Lena does her best to hold back her own tears, but today’s emotional drain takes its toll. The pain she feels for Kara heavily outweighs the joy of knowing that Kara loves her back in ways she’s never spoken aloud.

Above all, the hope outweighs the pain.

Lena always sees Kara, but now she can see her more clearly. She’s been granted a peek into Kara’s soul. Her alien, Kryptonian soul.

A lesson has been learned today, an important one. Supergirl is not an alien. Supergirl is merely a vessel for humans to selfishly take the help Kara offers without acknowledging who she is, or rather, what she is.

Kara is a Kryptonian and Lena will help her rediscover what that means. Every part of it if that’s what Kara’s heart desires. She’s barely gotten Kara to scratch the surface of her life on Krypton, and tomorrow they will make another scratch. Every scratch will bring them closer to the answers they seek. It’s a shame that the deeper they scratch, the more Kara will bleed. Her pain is inevitable in the search for who she is, but Lena is here to hold her through it, to kiss it better when all is said and done. That’s her promise and she has no intention of ever breaking it. 

-

“It kind of feels full circle, doesn’t it?” Lena asks, smiling at the sparkling beauty around them.

“What do you mean?” Kara questions, the back of her hand brushing against Lena’s as they walk through the cold air swirling through The Fortress of Solitude.

Lena vaguely gestures around her. “Being here. This is the first glimpse I got into the actual alien you are, where I got to see a tiny snippet of your culture, and now here we are again. I see you so clearly. You’re sharing a part of yourself with me in the same place I first realized there is more of you to see.”

The words carve themselves deep into Kara’s soul. It’s everything she spent years longing to hear whilst simultaneously being everything she was once afraid of. Now though, it’s not something she’s fearful of but something she cherishes and embraces.  

“I’m glad you see me.” Kara’s smile is wide and bright, something that she hasn’t felt in a long time. 

“I’m glad you let me see you, and I’m honoured you feel safe enough to be so open with me.” Lena fully entwines her hands with Kara’s, annoyed by having her hand so close and yet so far. 

Kara’s fingers press lightly into the back of Lena’s hand in response, the gentle squeeze saying everything she can’t find the words to say aloud.

“Well, if you’re ready to see a little bit more of me, come right this way.” Kara smiles, pulling Lena with her as she veers off to the entrance of one of the many hallways of the fortress.

Lena’s eyes darken and her lips quirk up into a smirk. She has no issues following Kara’s lead through the unfamiliar space. After all, there’s probably a bedroom through here, right? Her eyes trace the soft curve of Kara’s backside, exposed thanks to Lena’s spare hand purposely holding the cape out of the way so it doesn’t obscure her view.

Kara feels the tugging on her cape as she rounds the corner and looks back, ready to unhook it from wherever it’s gotten stuck. She sighs dramatically when she sees it’s just Lena, but a twinkle in her eyes lets Lena know she secretly loves the attention.

Lena giggles to herself all the way down the hall. Her smile drops when she sees where Kara has taken her because there is no bed in sight, and that’s a real problem. “Wait, we’re not finding somewhere to…” Lena trails off and wiggles her eyebrows at Kara, who can only suppress a smile in return. The silly motion makes her want to bundle Lena up in her arms and head somewhere to fulfil her request.

“Maybe we can revisit that idea later if you’re good.” Kara teases, closing the door to give Lena a chance to properly take in her surroundings and let the disappointment from the lack of a bed settle.

“I’ll have you know that I’m always good.” Lena mumbles, her eyes tracing over several large closets. She touches the edge of one and it activates. A panel slides across and out of the way to reveal what’s inside. “I knew it would do that.” She claims, earning herself a laugh.

“Wow, two lies back-to-back. How did I get so lucky to end up with you?”

Lena’s head turns to her so fast that Kara wonders if she’s somehow absorbed some of her powers as she stumbles back from the force of the glare. “Hey! That’s mean.”

“Woah.” Kara’s eyes widen as she takes in the sharp look Lena’s sending her way. “Ok, so that’s how I will end up on the couch. Got it.”

Lena can’t hold the look for long, Kara’s shocked expression breaking her out of her charade. Her face softens, and a triumphant grin replaces the harsh lines of the patented glare. She raises a finger to Kara’s face. “Be nice to me.”

“Wait, weren’t you the one lying?”

“That holds no bearing on this conversation.” Lena dismisses with a wave of her hand, refocusing on the closet.

Kara is left standing behind her with a lasting case of whiplash, wondering what just happened. She’s sure that argument was hers to win, but somehow Lena came out on top. Something tells her that’s going to be a staple in their relationship. Something else tells her that she doesn’t mind at all and she’s grateful she’s the one in a relationship with her.

Moving closer to Lena, Kara wraps her arms around her waist from behind and rests her chin on her shoulder. “These are all Kryptonian clothes. I had Kelex recreate them a few weeks ago when I first started meditating again. I figured they might make me feel closer to home but I struggled with the thought of wearing them. I think that there’s a better chance of me finding the courage to do so if you wear them with me.”

Lena turns in Kara’s arms, meeting her eyes. “You want me to wear Kryptonian clothes with you?”

There’s a vulnerability lurking just behind Kara’s eyes. She’s trying to hide it, Lena can see as much in the tension of her jaw, but she can’t hide it from her.

“Please.”

“As if you even have to ask.”

“I don’t just mean here, Lena.” Kara clarifies. Lena’s face scrunches in confusion so Kara explains further. “I booked a slot at the local museum; they’re allowing me to give a talk…about Krypton.”

Lena looks up at Kara, her lips curl into a proud smile and her eyes glisten with adoration. “Are you sure you’re ready? That’s a really big step. A public one at that.”

Kara shrugs. “I don’t know, but how will I know if I don’t try? I booked the time slot for their quiet period thinking that not many people will show up. I booked it under ‘Supergirl’ though, so I can’t say for sure. I don’t want my culture to die with me, Lena. If I don’t talk about it and educate people, even if those people are human, not Kryptonian, then all my knowledge will be lost, it’ll be worthless. I want to share my planet's celebrations, festivals and history. I want to show off the incredible scientific feats and technological advancements. I want everyone to see Krypton's art and beauty, and I have the power to do that. I have to do that.”

“Then I’ll be beside you while you do.” Lena presses a reassuring kiss to her lips. “When is your talk?”

Kara manoeuvres Lena’s wrist and peels back the sleeve of her shirt to look at the time. “In about…two hours.”

“Two hours? Kara, that’s barely any time. We need to hurry up and get ready.” Lena scrambles out of Kara’s embrace and starts rummaging through the closet to assess her options, only to be immediately confronted with the fact that she has no idea what kind of Kryptonian garb is appropriate for such an event. She turns back to Kara to whine, “Help me.”

“Ok, ok. I’m coming.” Kara saunters up to her side, but not before she melts a little at how cute Lena’s being.

-

Lena is proud. Extremely proud. The proudest. 

Looking up at the tiny stage Kara stands with a proud smile that could outshine the sun, she’s never been prouder.

It’s only a small step above the rest of the floor, but between Kara’s squared shoulders and everyone being seated as they watch her talk, Kara looks fifty feet tall. Lena can’t take her eyes off her, not for even a second. She’s completely mesmerized and has no intention of moving from her spot, front and centre.

Lena runs her fingertips over the felt-like texture of her dress. She originally wanted to go for the most alien design in the closet, partially to prove to Kara that she is accepting of every aspect of her culture. However, Kara swayed her from that idea, probably seeing through her intentions and wanting her to be comfortable.

Kara pushed her towards a dress, one that isn’t really Lena’s style but she admits it makes her look phenomenal. It’s also an incredibly beautiful, artistically designed article of clothing, one of the most stunning she’s ever seen. Kara made a good choice, even if it’s not something Lena would choose for herself.

It’s an asymmetrical design where the material sweeps up over her left shoulder and tumbles into a cape down that side. It has soft pleats with three of the tiniest, most delicate chains intermingling with the fabric. The tiny links attach to the belt, which is beautiful in and of itself. Gold chains bracket the edges. The centre is obsidian, carved into refined hoops lined with microscopic leaves, looking almost like wreaths. The belt is made up of the finest details and sits steadfast against her waist, a marvel that perfectly contradicts the dress's colour and pattern.

The dress is pale gold, dulled but still striking. The pattern is what really catches Lena’s eye. It’s a symphony of shapes and lines. She can’t decipher exactly what it’s meant to be, a mixture of vague floral swirls and shapes that depict a language she’ll never understand, not Kryptonese but something more profound—a language that enfolds everything about Krypton and nothing all at once.

It hugs her body tightly down to just below her knees, a hug from the softest material she’s ever had the pleasure of wearing and based on Kara’s roving eyes since she put it on, she looks sexy as hell in it.

Despite the beauty of Lena’s outfit, Kara firmly believes that the most beautiful part of Lena is the smile she’s worn since the moment she took her place on the stage to share her culture.

There’s a much bigger crowd than she expected but none of that matters. She can look into Lena’s eyes and tell her all about the parts of Krypton she’s always wanted to share, the parts that aren’t overshadowed by death and destruction. The happier times.

She teaches the group everything she remembers about the festivals from her childhood and the education system she learned from. Afterwards, she takes questions. The first is from a little girl, barely nine, curious about her clothes. A question she’s more than happy to answer.

“Usually, for an event like this, Kryptonians wear robes, but I thought that since my best robes are red and blue, I’d give your eyes a rest and go for something a little different.” Kara smiles at the wide-eyed enamoured expression on the little girl’s face. It’s clear she’s drinking up every word. “It’s also common for Kryptonian speakers to wear a single colour so they don’t draw attention away from the topic they’re discussing. I decided to follow that tradition today.”

Kara gestures down to her dress, a bronzed orange number, relatively simple but no less spellbinding. It’s loose, but not baggy. Just snug enough to show off her curves without hiding them. It flows with each subtle contour of her body, and the fabric trickles down in a waterfall of woven splendour.  The fabric is knotted over her shoulders, giving the impression that it’s one single sheet carefully curated to embrace her.

“As you can see, my dress is aligned with my culture but also shares many similarities with clothes found here on Earth. Given that humans and Kryptonians are similar in shape and stature, the similarities are expected.” She smoothes her hands over her midsection until her fingers reach the metal adorning her waist. “This would be considered a belt on Earth, but for me it’s a declaration. It’s a family heirloom bestowed upon my family many generations ago. A waist chain given to my grandmother’s grandmother after she won a great battle against the Daxamites a very long time ago. It has been passed down through my family and is commonly worn in moments of personal triumph. Today is a triumph for me because I get to share this information with you.”

Everyone’s eyes fall to the metal around Kara’s waist. It clutches to the fabric, bunching and trapping it in place without inhibiting the stylistic flow of the dress. It’s a shimmering, shining gold, recently polished and well-kept. The thin chain is made of fine links that aren’t visible to those sitting away from the stage. Gently hanging from the chain are intriguing symbols. Lena tries to decipher them but the characters aren’t of the Kryptonese she knows. Like Earth, Krypton had many languages. Her knowledge of one doesn’t give her an understanding of them all. She makes a mental note to ask Kara to translate it later, her intrigue growing as the symbols sway with Kara’s movements.

“I have a scarf here too.” Kara holds her arm up to display the garment bound around her bicep and the way it twists down her forearm. The fabric almost resembles a shawl. “It’s a shade darker than my dress if you look closely. That’s purposeful too. We Kryptonians don’t often do things without reason. Back in the old days of Krypton, long before I was born, scarves were worn as a symbol of peace. As long as you wear a scarf, it means you seek peace. It’s a shade darker than my dress so it’s easy to see without standing out too much. If someone doesn’t wear one, it means they are openly opposing someone, usually another Kryptonian household. If it escalates to that point, they will be escorted to the council to work out their differences.”

Kara purposely leaves out the extra information about sword fights and only one person leaving the council meeting. There are a lot of kids in the audience.

“Finally, my shoes.” Kara lifts one foot and rejoices in the strange looks she gets; her feet are not adorned by any shoes Kara’s ever come across on Earth. She’s unsure whether it counts as a shoe since half of her feet are hanging out. “They are designed to be worn outside, despite what you might think.”

Kara continues holding her foot up so everyone can see the shoe. It’s made of a thick fabric, not leather because it’s too soft to be anything of that kind, but still sturdy. They’re a dull orange-red to match her outfit and only cover the top of her feet except for a thin strap that circles around to keep them on.

Thin lace-like straps are wound from the sides of the shoes up around her ankles and tied in the same bow used for tying shoelaces on Earth. “Now, I can understand why you all look so confused. You’re probably wondering why Kryptonians would wear shoes that don’t protect the bottom of the foot, right?”

She receives a collective nod from her audience, causing her smile to widen. She’s loving the experience of teaching everyone about Krypton’s culture and heritage. It’s bringing her much more peace than she ever dreamed.

“That’s because they were used for walking on sand. A large portion of crops on Krypton were grown in sand, so these were worn to prevent the sand from getting inside our shoes and the tops of our feet from getting sunburnt. Because so many crops were grown in sand, it was everywhere and well, much like here on Earth, trends catch on. We wore them for stylistic reasons too.”

A couple of people laugh at her quip, making her chuckle along with them. “Any more questions?” Several hands shoot up into the air and Kara’s heart thuds excitedly. She’s having a field day with this.

Lena watches Kara with pure amazement. The way she’s so beautifully opening up and finding joy in the knowledge that only she, as an alien from Krypton, holds is incredible. Every time Kara’s smile widens, Lena finds her own smile broadening and she has to fight to keep her hand steady while livestreaming the exhibit to L-Corp’s social media.

She got Kara’s permission beforehand, albeit a little reluctantly, but she’s glad Kara agreed to it because there are over two thousand people watching. That’s two thousand more people learning about the wonders Kara is sharing.

Careful to keep her phone in focus, Lena gives Kara a thumbs up as she answers another question, this one about Kryptonian crops following her explanation about her shoes. She’s glad Kara decided to take the leap. This is good for her and now a growing number of people will look at her as not just an alien but an actual person. Her true self.

-

Lena wobbles as she peels her heels off her feet but she’s not afraid of falling. Kara’s arm is wrapped around her waist tightly, keeping her steady even as she tosses her shoes away.

Their lips don’t separate, not even for a second, as they move through Lena’s penthouse apartment towards the bedroom. Each of their movements is a push and pull of equal force, all give and take that only serves to prove why they work so well together.

Lena gasps against the blonde’s mouth as Kara’s teeth sink softly into her bottom lip. A precise movement with far too much certainty to be accidental. A mischievous little trick that never fails to weaken Lena’s knees, something that’s always in Kara’s favour.

“You play dirty.” Lena mutters, her lips barely parting from Kara’s.

“Mmhmm.” Kara hums, unwilling to break the kiss, especially to state the obvious.

Lena reluctantly moves her hands away from Kara’s biceps. Her desperate need to get out of this damn dress and into bed is far stronger than the desire for a simple groping session. Awkwardly throwing her arm over her shoulder in an attempt to find the clasp, she continues to struggle through her refusal to relinquish her hold on Kara’s lips.

“Hold on.” Kara mumbles as they stumble into the bedroom. Her strong arms untangle from Lena’s waist as her hands entrap full hips instead. “Can I take it off?”

“My dress?” Lena pants.

Kara nods, breathless and wanting. “Please.”

“Whatever you want.” Lena rasps breathily, allowing strong hands to turn her body away, exposing her back. Broad, warm palms carefully scoop Lena’s hair up and place it over her right shoulder exposing the bunching of fabric over her left. As her fingers bury themselves into the fabric searching for the clasp, her seeking lips descend on the pale expanse of Lena’s neck.

She places a series of chaste pecks just shy of the nape of her neck, slowly tracing her skin as far as she can reach before tilting Lena’s head back to pull her into yet another smouldering kiss. The dress is unfortunately no closer to being discarded than when she started.

Lena leans back into Kara’s chest, enjoying the closeness and comfort. She’s grateful she took off her heels. With Kara wearing the Kryptonian half-shoes, the height difference would have made kissing like this awkward.

“Aren’t you meant to be undressing me?” Lena smiles against insistent lips.

“Oh yeah.” Kara breathes, still in disbelief that she gets to do this. “Stop being so distracting. You’re making me forget things.”

Lena smirks as Kara buries her face into her neck. The feeling of Kara panting against her skin in an attempt to calm herself simply from kissing makes Lena feel like a god among men. She relishes the feeling and if this is how Kara feels on a good day, she’s jealous. More than anything though, she wishes Kara only ever good days. She’s seen how the bad ones can make her crumble, if she can help prevent them, she’ll do this every day.

After a few centring breaths, Kara is back on task. She unhooks the dress and belt, sliding it off with a level of grace and tenderness that makes Lena swoon. Kara gently collects the fabric and places it on the small couch next to the window. As she places it there, she turns her back to Lena to return the favour. 

Lena earnestly tries to make things sexy, unclipping the waist chain to gently sit it atop the dress. However, it only serves to make them both laugh. Kara’s sweet giggles only make the moment more real, more tangible.  

This is their first time sleeping together and with a bit of luck and all of the effort Lena has to give, this will be her last first time with anyone. She has no doubts that Kara is going to be her last person. It’s something she knows with every fibre of her being. She can feel it in her bones.

As she slowly, carefully unclasps the dress one hook at a time, Lena presses soft kisses to the centre of Kara’s back. And as an aside, she knows she will absolutely get Kara to admit that humans one-upped Kryptonians because they invented zippers.

After a childhood of such attire, Kara steps out of the dress with ease as it loosens. Her muscle memory is a stark reminder that she will never truly forget her life before Earth. It will always be part of her. 

Lena sweetly pulls Kara’s hand and twirls her around so they’re facing each other They share a tender smile as their nearly naked fronts softly press against each other for the first time. “You’re so beautiful.” She whispers, enamoured.

“You’ve barely seen me.” Kara laughs shyly as a pink blush spreads across her cheeks.

“I don’t need to look to know.” Lena’s eyes are half-lidded as she pushes Kara backwards until her knees hit the side of the bed. Green eyes never straying from blue, Lena slowly guides her down as she kneels in front of her. Kara’s legs instinctively part, desire engulfing her body.  Witnessing the shift in Kara’s body makes it hard for her to stay on track, but she’s damn sure not letting her first time with Kara consist of cumming with soleless shoes on. She loves Kara’s culture. Truly. However, she is drawing the line at that.

Lena’s movements are both frantic and particular as she unlaces Kara’s shoes and slides them off her feet. She tosses them over to the couch with less attentiveness than the dresses. She’s impatient and there’s no time for that.

Taking full advantage of her position, she lovingly kisses her way up Kara’s muscular legs to her soft inner thighs. Each press of warm lips against even warmer skin makes Kara’s skin tingle with ever-growing desire. As soon as raven locks are within reach, Kara’s hands bury themselves, not to guide her, simply to hold. She readily relinquishes complete control to the goddess between her thighs. Willingly allowing her to explore every inch of flushed tan skin, taking her time with each caress as their combined contented sighs fill the air, the perfect background music.

Between each burning kiss, green eyes gaze up, watching as Kara’s head tilts back exposing the majestic, long neck she wants to mark as her own. She shakes those thoughts aside, her main focus on truly giving Kara the tender and loving touches she’s dreamed of for so long. Her hero deserves to be savoured rather than treated as a rushed and fumbled tryst. 

Pouty pink lips don’t linger as they finally reach the edge of delicate blue lace panties. A single, deep kiss is pressed to the damp material as Lena takes a deep breath to breathe her in and continues her exploration. She has an internal battle to continue now that she tastes the blonde’s desire on her lips. 

The blunt edges of white teeth playfully nip at a pronounced hipbone as Kara’s back arches. Sensitive, she thinks.Lena repeats the move, this time on the opposite side, and slides a trembling hand under her arched back to unclasp Kara’s bra, tossing it carelessly to the floor. 

Having Kara laid out for her, nearly naked, gasping and moaning, Lena’s sure she’s entered her greatest fantasy or an afterlife she doesn’t believe in. There’s no other explanation, no other fathomable way she’s this lucky. 

The wide palms buried in dark hair urge her to move up and away from where she’s thoroughly bathing those glorious abs with her curious tongue. Lena’s more than eager to deliver everything Kara craves. After the bravery she’s shown today, Kara can have anything she yearns for, whatever she desires.

“Move up for me, darling.” Lena urges softly, her voice raspy and throat dry from her slack-jawed awe at the sight of the ethereal goddess in her bed. Her ethereal goddess. 

Lena’s insistent hands smoothly shift underneath athletic thighs, guiding her further up the bed and shifting her weight to make it easier. Kara smiles when her head hits the pillow, instantly pulling Lena down on top of her. Her legs bracket the ravenette’s hips as her restless hands trace their way along the ridges of Lena’s spine. When shaking fingers reach the delicate material of the tasteful strapless bra, she unclips it and carelessly tosses it aside, discarded and forgotten. 

Lena makes good on her earlier desires, attaching her wanting mouth to Kara’s neck as she attempts to leave marks she knows will instantly fade. “Mmm, what I wouldn’t give to mark you up so everyone can see you’re mine while you fly around in that cape of yours. My mighty Kryptonian with hickeys for days.”

“Rao, Lena.” Kara husks out a moan, desperately attempting to turn her head and recapture those alluring lips for the thousandth time.

Lena roughly twists her fingers into silky blonde locks, snatching her head back to continue her fruitless endeavour. “Stay still.” She sternly commands.

“Wait.” Kara moans out in response, enjoying the particularly hard bite on her neck. She can’t really feel pain but the sensation of teeth pressing deliciously into her skin? That is a feeling that makes her infinitely wetter and ensures her panties will be sufficiently ruined by the time they come off, if they aren’t already.

The single word stops Lena’s movements instantly. She quickly sits up and starts moving away, but Kara’s legs tighten around her waist and prevent her retreat. “What’s wrong, my Darling?”

“Nothing, nothing. I just…there’s…I have something. Something, I, um, want?” She says, slightly bashful.

“What do you mean?” Lena asks, confused and a little out of it now that she is pulled away from her heavenly task. “Like a sex thing? A fantasy?”

“Kind of.” Kara tilts her head down, a delicate pink spreading across her cheeks as she releases Lena and climbs off the bed. She scrambles back to her dress, searching for something. “But also kind of…not.”

Lena falls onto her back onto the still-warm spot Kara’s body recently vacated, a curious and perplexed smile on her face. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

Kara shakes her head, ignoring her as her fingers dig into the discarded dress in search of a hidden pocket between the folds of the flowy material. Her face lights up as she pulls something barely bigger than her palm from its hiding place and holds it up in celebration.

“What is that?” Inquisitive green eyes implore.

“It’s a red sun emitter. I took it from the fortress when I saw how upset you were after I took you to a closet instead of a bedroom.”

Lena shrugs, her eyes shining with mirth. “You should know better than to take a lesbian to a closet.”

“That was bad.” Kara shakes her head, her amusement evident.

“Sorry.” Lena responds, still grinning at her joke. “Well, are you going to turn that thing on so I can make you mine, Kara Zor-El?”

Kara’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the eagerness in Lena’s sultry voice. “You really want to?”

“What? Make you mine? Why wouldn’t I want to?” Lena frowns, sensing Kara’s internal battle with self-doubt in a moment when Lena only wants her to feel loved, cherished, truly coveted. 

Kara sits the device on the nightstand beside Lena's unopened water bottle. She grabs it, taking a quick drink since it’s there and they will undoubtedly be here for a while. “You felt my superspeed on your wrist before. I thought that might have intrigued you to see where else you could feel those vibrations.”

Lena holds her hand out for the bottle once Kara’s finished with it and takes a generous gulp before responding. “While that is a very intriguing thought, I just want you. I’m not here for Supergirl. I’m here for Kara.”

“Do you really mean that?” Kara ducks her head as she blushes at the bold statement. It’s really cute. If there’s any reason to blush, it’s because she’s sitting in front of the woman she loves in nothing but a pair of sodden panties.

“Always.” Lena replies, pushing the device closer to Kara. “Turn it on.”

Kara presses a few buttons and in an instant, the room is coated in a soft red light, bringing Kara a sense of physical and mental peace. Lena watches how the weight gradually drops off her shoulders as the red sun radiation affects her.

“You’re so pretty.” Lena says, enamoured with everything that Kara is.

She pulls her closer, slowly nudging her ruined panties down long legs, leaving Kara bare before her. In turn, Kara grabs the waistband of her underwear, pulling them down swiftly and tossing them away, long forgotten before they even hit the floor.

“Let me prove how much I love you.” Lena pulls her fully onto the bed until Kara is kneeling over her. In a skilled move, she topples them over, positioning herself on top of the blonde. Once again, Kara finds herself flat on her back, her head nestled into the pillows. “Can I love you? Let me love you, Kara.” 

Lena leans in so close their noses brush, waiting for one single word giving her permission. “Yes.” Kara breathes, then lifts her head to get a taste of those delectable lips.

Taking the answer for all its worth, Lena devours her.

For the first time in her life, Kara is entirely free to experience not only pleasure but an unbridled love without fear. She can barely control herself, her need for more is overpowering, yet she’s not afraid to lose control, she doesn’t have to be. She gives it all up and knows in the end, everything will be as it should. She can finally let go.

Lena’s hands explore every part of her, taking extra time to palm at her breasts. Her fingers find pretty pink nipples and give them the extra attention they deserve. The kind of attention Kara’s never felt there before, given her usually high pain tolerance. There’s none of that now. It’s barely painful, more pleasurable than her time with any of the men she’s been with.

“Dear Rao, Lena…” Kara gasps into her mouth, making Lena grin so wide it’s impossible to go in for another kiss. “Lena, fuck.”

“Shh, just feel. I’ve got you, my Kara.” Lena traces her lips down her neck and back to what is becoming her favourite spot as her fingers make their way down the expanse of tan skin.

Her nails rake their way down defined abs before she turns to a softer touch, pausing just before she reaches the place she knows Kara wants her most.

“Look at me, Kara.” Lena demands, pulling away from her neck. Kara’s eyes remain closed, even as Lena’s fingers make their way between sodden folds, seeking out her clit like they’ve been there a thousand times before. Kara gasps but won’t meet her gaze. “Look at me. Please”

Upon the second round of urging and the feeling of Lena’s fingers circling her clit in and driving her insane, sparkling blue eyes finally open. Lena notes that her eyes look several shades darker, now an enchanting midnight blue, and it has taken the lead for the sexiest thing she’s ever seen. 

“Lena…fuck.” Kara gasps, her eyes locked on Lena’s now, unable to do anything other than clutch at her shoulders and let herself enjoy the ride.

Lena pushes her forehead against Kara’s, her hand diligently working away. “I love you, Kara.”

“I love you.” Kara moans out. “But for the love of Rao, get inside me before I do it myself.”

Lena’s eyes twinkle, happily doing as requested. Two fingers push inside as they maintain eye contact until Kara can’t take it anymore. Her head flies back and her eyes slam closed as Lena uses her other hand to rub her clit, still pumping her fingers at a relentless pace.

Lena reattaches her mouth to Kara’s neck, continuing her quest to leave marks she hopes will last long after the red sun emitter has been turned off. “I’ve got you, darling. My Kara.” Lena whispers against her ear.

Kara shudders beneath her, nails digging into pale shoulders as she clings to the only solid thing she can find. “Lena…”

“I love you.” She repeats once again, nailing it home with one last kiss to the latest mark before shifting down Kara’s body to do what she’s been longing to do for years. She takes Kara’s clit into her mouth. All the while, her fingers are still working away, driving her higher with every passing second. 

Kara bucks up into her mouth, her hips shifting of their own accord. Lena pins them down with an arm slung over her waist and keeps going, one goal in mind.

“You’re safe. I’ve got you,” Lena says directly into her pussy. The vibrations from her words are the final push Kara needs to let go. Her body relaxes as she comes, her bucking hips ceasing their fight against the arm holding them down as if she’s not the strongest being on the planet.

Lena guides her through it, her fingers slowing to a stop and easing out of her when aftershocks wane, when she’s truly done. She’s drenched and tired but so damn proud.

She pecks Kara’s clit one more time as she runs her hands over twitching legs, her fingers leaving a trail of wetness behind. Climbing back up to Kara’s face, she waits until her favourite blue eyes open and teasingly licks her fingers clean. 

Kara’s pretty sure Lena just fucked her into a dream state because the image she has just accosted with is so fucking sexy that there’s no way it’s real. 

“Hey, darling.” Lena cups her cheeks, kissing her delicately, her tongue parting Kara’s lips and pushing inside to giddily share the sweet taste of her desire.

“You just killed me.” Kara mumbles.

Lena giggles and shifts to cuddle into her side. She tucks her head beneath Kara’s chin, content to lie there for a moment until Kara recovers from what is undoubtedly the best orgasm of her life. “Well, that wasn’t the goal but I’ll take it.”

“What was the goal?” Kara pecks the top of her head, the feeling in her arms coming back enough that she can wrap Lena up into a well-needed cuddle.

Lena snuggles deeper into her chest. “To make love to you, Kara. I wanted to love my Kara, and I did.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“My Kara?” Lena husks, well aware of what she’s doing. 

Kara nuzzles her nose into the top of Lena’s head, breathing in the comforting scent of her coconut shampoo. “Yes.”

Lena pecks the nearest bit of skin available to her, Kara’s collarbone. She knows the answer but she’s not opposed to hearing Kara explain anyway. “Why is that?”

“Because you see me for who I am. I love how you make me feel when you look at me with so much certainty in your eyes. It’s almost like you can see into my soul and when tell me you love me and I can see how much you mean it.”

Lena grins, pushing herself back up to look into Kara’s eyes. “I love you.”

Kara’s never felt more at peace, as she replies. “I love you too.”

“That’s good.” Lena chuckles before a sly smirk finds its way onto her face. “Now, I think you’re meant to return the favour.”

“Are you sure about that?” Kara teases, her hands finding Lena’s ass and squeezing.

“Fucking positive.” Lena growls against her lips. 

[hungry-eel]

The Gluttony showcased in Octavinelle (reupload)

Before I begin with the main content, if you see this and notice that it may possibly seem familiar, that’s because it is. I originally uploaded this onto an old and abandoned secondary account, where around the time I was still in a bit of denial of my stuffing interests. I decided to polish and RE uploaded this analysis onto here because one, it honestly suits this account more, and two, I want this to reach its intended target audience that this blog revolves around, I hope you enjoy this analysis, and with that, let’s get back to the regular scheduled program. —

Hello! I hope you are all doing well! In the past, I have mentioned that Octavinelle is the embodiment of gluttony, and that I would elaborate on that statement more. Well, this is the post where I elaborate on the statement.

Please be aware that although I am going to try and show some cannon proof, at least for this first part, this is still overall just something silly that I enjoy talking about, and having dumb fun with. This is something that doesn't have to be taken entirely seriously, nor is this a statement that I am trying to prove as absolutely true. It just happened to be that I found some cannon connections from my observations.

Be prepared for spoilers from here on!!!

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Azul ~

As of right now, the Azul we have currently doesn't seem to be all that much of a glutton (when it comes to food). However, something else that is also a highly crucial part of Azul’s character was how he was an ex-glutton. Azul goes out of his way to avoid going back to his old roots and maintaining a slim figure, often trying to eat a restrictive and balanced diet. Although Azul has the desire to maintain his health and slim figure, he still does not enjoy the process, and especially preferring fried foods over health foods. He still doesn’t like when others pressure him to eat a lot, even if it’s with his favorite foods, but will still seize any opportunities that he can to enjoy his favorite foods, weather it’s birthdays or other private occasions. Azul is also very well equipped in knowing how to run restaurants as his grandma ran a restaurant, and runs a restaurant himself currently, that being the Mostro Lounge.

Azul’s incessant want to create new contracts as well as the consistent desire for power and control, can also be interpreted as a form of overindulgence on Azul’s end; no matter how much power he has over those he is controlling, it is never enough for him and he always wants more of that power.

In Azuls Birthday Boy card, his groovy art has Jade handing him a plate of chicken and also has a couple of home screen lines asking what we were implying when we were giving him food.

Floyd ~

Floyd has his own personal knack for food, as he enjoys snacking, and indulging in various amounts of his favorite foods such as takoyaki and candy. Even the shelves in his room is lined by snack bags that he uses to have midnight snacks. Floyd has also mentioned in his birthday boy vignette, that he likes to play food games with Jade where they try the most outlandish food combinations possible. Whenever Azul comes back during any of these games, they would try and eat all of the evidence. There was also a brief moment in Treys lab coat vignette where according to Jade, he had to look for more strawberries as a result from Floyd gorging on their current strawberry supply.

Jade ~

Now with Jade, he is an entirely different beast in it of itself! I have always been fascinated with Jade in the sense that when you first see him, he would be the last person you would expect would have a large appetite, especially as he always appears to be very poise and classy, but the more you look into his character, the more clear his tendencies become and its so hard to not see. Because of such there is much more to talk about with Jade than with the other two characters.

Here is a list of canonical things that Jade has done already.

Jade loves to heavily indulge in his hobbies and passions especially when it comes to mountaineering, terrariums, cooking, and his fascination with mushrooms. When it comes to mushrooms in particular, he both enjoys eating mushrooms himself, and finds pleasure in watching others indulge in mushrooms as well (showcased in Jade’s Labcoat Vignette).

In Book five, Jade mentions to Grim that primarily goes to the mountains to search for food. More specifically to try and harvest edible plants and organisms. During which Grim asks, "So basically, you just go to the mountains and scavenge for grub?" and Jade responding with, "Heh heh. I certainly wash and cook what I find, but generally speaking, yes."

There are two notable Home Screen lines where Jade mentions about his eating. One with his PE uniform where he mentions how he has to eat before working out as he lacks energy efficiency. The other one is with his Birthday Boy where one of his lines states, “Are you surprised by how much I eat? Heh heh, I get that a lot. It's why I'm so tall.”

It is hinted and shown throughout various Home Screen lines and vignettes that Jade likes to try many various types of unique foods, either out of interest and/or to create new recipes for the Mostro Lounge.

Legitimately almost all of the harveston event! Just in his event vignette alone he ate over five servings with Sebek and even afterwards wanted to grab desert. Even Sebek, who is also a pretty hearty eater, even admits that Jade has eaten more than him. Jades and Sebeks escapades are just as prominent in the main even itself where Jade is tasked by Azul to try as many unique dishes as possible so they can be added to the mostro lounge menu. Jade proceeds to try out different kinds of foods at the vendors, and in the celebration the night before the game, Jade and Sebek were tearing through the buffet.

In addition, here is some other moments that revolves around Octavinelle in general.

At the very end of the Beans day event, Jade and Floyd have an exchange on how they were craving shawarmas.

Jade and Floyd generally point out how little Azul eats and occasionally tease him about it as well. In the Halloween event when Azul comments on how watching Ruggie eat gives him heartburn, Jade replies by saying, "I believe you could put him to shame if you felt so inclined."

In Jade’s Halloween Vignette, Ruggie mentions on how Jade and Floyd are well built for Apple bobbing as they are tall with pointy teeth.

Both of the tweels have mentioned at least once that they eat a lot because they are so tall or that they are growing boys.

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A question that I have heard often is why say Octavinelle in particular? Besides, there are other characters that also showcase gluttonous tendencies, some may even more so than most of the octatrio.

I say Octavinelle in particular as it is the only dorm where all of the students exhibit the traits in one way or another, as well as serving the aesthetics of the dorm, with its lounge being a restaurant. Octavinelle is also the only dorm where this topic had at least a bit of a curtail point in its Book, that being with Azul’s backstory and how he used to be chubby and an ex-glutton.

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Headcanons!

Here is a small list of some of the headcanons that I have that circle around the topic. I might add more headcanons to the blog as I go, and if anyone else has any headcanons of their own, feel free to share them with me.

Jade is the complete opposite of Azul regarding food and dieting. While Azul tries his best to eat healthily, with moderate portions, Jade eats the most unhealthy foods out of the trio and eats the most out of them as well. Jade also likes to taunt Azul with that fact as well.

Floyd is the kind of character who would most likely eat anything even if it seems inedible.

Jade and Ruggie like to often join together just to try out many different kinds of foods together, similar to what happened in Ruggie's School uniform vignette, and Jade's harveston vignette. There would also be times were I would joke that Jade, Ruggie, and Sebek would band together just to have food.

I like to imagine that the Coral Sea is like a dog-eat-dog world, and along with this, the tweels have to rely on hunting other live fish for their own survival. When coming onto land, the tweels had to learn that they shouldn't hunt for animals publicly.

Whenever there are instances where Azul has to leave the Mostro lounge for an extensive amount of time, Jade and Floyd would keep trying to take advantage of that time to play their game where they eat weird food combinations (mentioned in Floyd's birthday vignette).

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Thank you so very much for reading my essay rambling on a topic that, to be frank, is overall goofy and silly. If there was anything that I missed or forgot to mention feel free to let me know. Otherwise, I certainly had a lot of fun making this, and I hope you found some entertainment or even some insight from this as well!

[mizz-nobodyz]

Weekly CCRPG updates + test run!

For those who don’t want to read my little updates, here’s the link,

https://gx.games/games/xyaui8/cc-rpg-test/tracks/e14b0090-5391-407c-a2e4-bbc5d9817165

you can play it on desktop. I don’t have a mobile version yet. the control buttons are the arrow keys for the direction you want to move in and the alt key to interact and talk with people. to continue the conversation press the space bar, and eventually the text box will go away ! I also incorporated way to talk to other people who aren’t currently in the game yet! By pressing the first initial on the keyboard, you can potentially speak to a character that isn’t yet in the game

Hi, so first things first the biggest thing I added in was text boxes! Along with that, I managed to incorporate portraits when you’re talking to specific characters! Currently the character portraits fights are temporary, and I’m planning on replacing them with actual expressive art later on but I have a lot more programming and polishing to do before then!

Music and sound design, although you probably can’t hear it in the video in the actual game I was able to incorporate a main theme and find a way to get it to stop when serious events happen! although there are a lot of things I would like to incorporate such as footsteps and noise for the text box those might take a little more time because I’ve been running into issues specifically with it looping over and over again and creating a really loud and corrupted version of the sound

Also, David finally in the game!

Also, if you find any bugs or anything in general that doesn’t look quite right let me know in the comments!

-miss. Nobody