#I know he explicitly told me that I didn’t HAVE to take that advice but it pissed me off anyway.. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heavenlyhischier · 10 months

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𝐀𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐑𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬 | 𝐋𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

word count: 2.5k

summary: it’s your turn to choose, and you just hope that you made the right choice.

warnings: angst, reader is kinda ‘pick me choose me’ but it’s okay, kissing, unedited as usual

part one

Luke broke up with his girlfriend the day after you left. Gave her some half-assed excuse of his life being too busy with hockey, but she knew the truth, and she didn’t fault him for it. He wanted to reach out to you, to call you, to text you, but he was smart enough to know it wasn’t a good idea. After the things he said to you and the way he undoubtedly made you feel, he knew you needed space away from him. How much space was the question that he didn’t know the answer to.

The first text you’d gotten from Luke was a simple ‘I’m sorry’ a week after you’d left that day. You were in class when it came through, and all you could do was stare at the message. You didn’t know what to do, and you couldn’t focus on the rest of the lecture, so you retreated to your apartment for the day and left the text unanswered. You opted to not tell Sage about the text, especially because she thought you had blocked him already.

The next text you got from him was the following day, and it was significantly longer than his previous one. He explained how sorry he was, how he had broken up with his girlfriend, how he wishes he could take it all back and have you in his life again, how he missed you. You didn’t respond to that one either, though you really wanted to, but he had hurt you. Luke had caused you the most heart stopping pain you’d ever felt in your life, and you needed to get rid of those feelings before you accepted him back as a part of your life.

Luke texted you every day now, telling you how sorry he was and he wasn’t going to give up on you so easily this time unless you explicitly told him not to. You never texted him and told him no, so he took that as an open invitation. The more time went on, the more descriptive his texts got and they started to chip away at the wall you had built between the two of you. There was one text you’d gotten from him that said he loved you, and if you didn’t know better, based on the context of the rest of the message, you would’ve thought he meant he was in love with you.

The one time you had texted Luke back, it was for selfish reasons and with the hope that it would make him a teeny bit mad. It was childish and immature, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. It was the first time he’d worked up the courage to ask to see you, and you had texted him back saying that you couldn’t. Because you had a date that night. Luke’s heart fell to his stomach as he read the message over and over again.

“Jack,” Luke called out as he barged into his brother's room, “She’s going on a date. I told her that I love her, and she’s going on a date. What the fuck do I do?”

Jack sat on his bed, phone in hand as he glared at his brother. Ever since he got home that day and asked what had happened, Jack’s been pissed at his brother. He was an idiot who ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him, and Jack had no sympathy for that.

“Nothing,” He shrugged, gaze darting back to his phone as he scrolled through social media, “You do nothing, Luke. You fucked up. Bad. Now you have to deal with the consequences.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Luke scoffed, “I was hoping for some advice.”

“What do you want me to say, dude,” Jack angrily spoke, throwing his phone next to him, “That it’ll be okay? That you’ll get her back? Well, honestly I don’t think you should get her back. You don’t deserve her, Luke. She did everything for you. She was there for you anytime you needed her. She fucking chose you no matter what and you went and fucked that up for some girl you don’t even really know! I love you and I always will, but you don’t fucking deserve her forgiveness after the shit you did.”

While Luke was kicked out his brothers room, you were busy getting ready for your date that Sage was forcing you to go on. She claimed that he was a nice guy, a breath of fresh air after everything that had happened with Luke. You agreed to go, but told her that you would be driving yourself in case you weren’t feeling it and wanted to leave early. She, reluctantly, agreed to the terms and sent you on your way once you were ready.

About halfway through your drive to the restaurant, you realized that you were going the complete wrong direction. You were driving towards Luke’s apartment without even meaning to, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to turn around. The twisted part of your brain was telling you this was a sign, that you should give him a chance and talk to him, that maybe the two of you could give what had been broken between you. The logical part of your brain was telling you to turn around, go to the restaurant and forget that Luke Hughes ever existed. You weren’t sure what to do, but then you found yourself standing outside of his apartment door.

You stared at the door, your heart and mind waging the ultimate war within you. The urge to turn around and walk away dwindled by the second. You wanted to see him so you could yell at him, to tell him how badly he hurt you. You wanted to see if he missed you as much as you missed him, so you knocked on the door. If Jack was the one who answered, you were going to take that as a sign that Luke was gone for good, but it seemed as if fate was on your side.

Luke swung the door open, the greeting he had dying in his tongue when he saw you standing in front of him. You glared at him as you racked your brain for the angry speech you had planned out, but you were coming up empty now. Only one phrase on your mind as you were harshly brought back to the memories of that day in Luke’s room. The day he chose someone else over you.

“I hate you,” You tried to keep your voice steady, but it wavered as your bottom lip wobbled.

Luke didn’t know what to say as you stood in front of him in the outfit he assumed was for your date. Your eyes were lined with uncried tears, glassy and broken as they bore into his own. He felt his heart shatter inside of his chest when he noticed that the necklace he had gotten you for your sixteenth birthday and had worn ever since, was missing from your neck.

“I know,” Luke finally breathed out as he took every inch of you in like it was going to be the last time he was going to see you. To him, he thought it was going to be.

“I hate you,” You repeated, voice barely above a whisper as tears spilled over onto your cheeks. You felt pathetic for breaking so easily, but the plan you had to scream and yell at him went out the window the second you saw him in front of you.

“I know,” He swallowed thickly, hand twitching towards you, aching to pull you close, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why am I not worth choosing,” You sobbed as your gaze fell to the ground and you hugged your arms to your body.

In an instant, Luke was pulling you into his apartment, and into his arms. He held you as you cried into his chest, your tears soaking through his shirt, but he didn’t care. He rubbed circles in your back, not sure what the fuck he was supposed to say to you right now. He’d thought about this moment ever since you left two months ago, but now that you were right in front of him, he was clueless.

While Luke’s arms were holding you close, yours remained wrapped around yourself as sobs tore through your body. You wanted to reach out and never let him go, but you were scared and hurt. After what he’d done, you were afraid to let any part of him back in. You couldn’t go through that pain all over again; you’re not sure you would make it out this time.

Luke was glad that Jack was gone for the afternoon, off doing who knows what with who knows who. He knows that if he saw you crying in Luke’s arms, Jack would give him another earful of words he’s heard for the last two months. He didn’t want to hear how he didn’t deserve you or your forgiveness because he knew that he didn’t, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been clinging onto hope. Hope was the only thing getting him through the day.

“I hate you so much,” You whispered, voice thick with emotion as you finally wound your arms around his waist.

Luke pulls you closer into his chest, tears of his own falling down on his cheeks as he listens to how broken you sound. He wants to say that he hates himself too, that he hates what he did to you, but he doesn’t want to make it about himself. At the end of the day, the way he felt was his own doing. He ruined your friendship and shut you out. He hurt himself.

“I’m so sorry,” Luke mumbled your name as if it was the most delicate thing in the entire world, “I’m sorry I hurt you. If I could— If I could take it all back I would. I would change everything if I could. But, I just— I don’t know what to do.”

“Tell me I’m worth choosing,” You begged, grasping at his shirt, “Or at least tell me why I'm not.”

Luke pulls away from you, but keeps his hands on your biceps as he looks at you. His cheeks are red and eyes heavy, but his face is serious. He’s sporting the same look he had when he forced you to listen to him tell you how much your ex boyfriend didn’t deserve you and how amazing you are.

“Listen to me, okay,” He started, his voice shaky and hesitant, “You are worth choosing, Y/N. In fact, you were always my only choice. You always have been, but that’s why I did what I did. I’m so fucking sorry I let you walk away that day. It was the worst mistake of my life, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I don’t understand,” You shook your head, “Why would cutting me off be the right thing? Do you not want me in your life anymore?”

Panic bubbled in your chest as you let your mind run rampant with anxious thoughts. Regret in the form of bile rose in your throat, the desire to turn around and run away creeping back up. Your hands began to shake, an action Luke was quick to pick up on as he let go of your arms to capture them in his own.

“That’s not what I’m saying, I promise,” He softly reassured as he rubbed circles on the back of your hand with his thumb, “I thought it was the right thing because I thought it would help me move on. I’ve loved you since we were fifteen and I knew you didn’t feel the same way, so I thought choosing someone else would help me do that. Obviously, I was wrong.”

Your jaw went slack and your glassy eyes widened, your heart beating against your chest as you listened to him. It felt too good to be true; Luke admitting that he loved you the same way you loved him. It almost felt like you were dreaming, like you’d finally clawed your way out of the nightmarish reality that has been your life.

Luke felt like he was about to pass out the longer he sat with your silence surrounding him. He knew that confessing his feelings was a risky move given everything that had happened, but he needed you to know. He was hoping and praying that you felt the same, or that you’d at least welcome him back into your life as your friend again.

“You were wrong,” You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I did feel the same way about you.” Luke felt his heart fall to his feet. “I do still, but, Luke, you hurt me. I can’t just look past that. I’m not saying I can’t ever get over it, but it’ll take time.”

Without a second thought, Luke’s pulling you into his chest and wrapping his arms around you. Your arms instinctively wrap around his neck as you bury your face into his chest, taking in the way he felt against you. While you were still upset with him, there was no better feeling than in his embrace. It was always where you felt safest, and you hoped that that feeling would come back with time. Though, a small part of you was telling you it never left.

“I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back,” Luke mumbled into the crook of your neck, “I love you, and I will spend my life proving that to you.”

“Luke,” You pulled away, eyes wide and pleading, “I don’t care if this is too soon, but can you please kiss m—”

He didn’t let you finish your sentence before crashing his lips onto your own. He pulled you into him by your waist as your hands moved up to tangle in his hair. Luke moved his mouth against yours, tasting the salt from both of your tears as he slipped his tongue into yours. It was a tangled mess of emotions as the two of you pushed against each other, but it was perfect.

After five years of what the two of you thought was unrequited love, you expected nothing short of desperation and yearning. You poured your entire being into the kiss, and by the way Luke was holding you like you would disappear, you knew he was too. The last time you were in the Hughes’ apartment, you felt like your entire world was collapsing below your feet. Now, you felt the world around you rise again and it was even more beautiful than before.

#luke hughes #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes x reader #nhl imagine #hockey imagine

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esther-dot · 1 year

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The problem with Daenerys is that she sees issues from a purely black-and-white perspective. She stops Mirri from being raped and acts as if that’s the complete solution to her problem. Daenerys acts as her savior and insinuates that the rape victim she “saved” much be grateful. However, upon having her people murdered and ravaged, Mirri tries to get back at Drogo. But she doesn’t even really contribute to his death, as we know that Drogo died of his own infection that he refused to treat (he also refused to follow Mirri‘s advice on how to treat it). Sure, she apparently kills Daenerys’s infant, but I doubt that’s even true. Mirri explicitly announces that no one must enter the tent while she’s performing her magic. Yet Jorah and Daenerys enter anyway.

And even if this isn’t true, Daenerys herself believes that Jorah killed her son since he didn’t listen to Mirri and took her into the tent, yet it is Mirri she burns alive.

Ser Jorah had killed her son, Dany knew. He had done what he did for love and loyalty, yet he had carried her into a place no living man should go and fed her baby to the darkness. He knew it too; the grey face, the hollow eyes, the limp. “The shadows have touched you too, Ser Jorah,” she told him. The knight made no reply. (AGOT, Daenerys IX)

You know, you're right that there's a distinct pattern of misapplying or refusing to accept guilt when it suits her. While her feelings may be alleviated by "saving" people,

"She will do no harm." Dany felt she could trust this old, plain-faced woman with her flat nose; she had saved her from the hard hands of her rapers, after all. (AGOT, Daenerys VII)

Perhaps Dany needs to reconsider what put them in that position in the first place, and whether it might actually have been Drogo and her choices, her war, that ruined their life,

"Saved me?" The Lhazareen woman spat. "Three riders had taken me, not as a man takes a woman but from behind, as a dog takes a bitch. The fourth was in me when you rode past. How then did you save me? I saw my god's house burn, where I had healed good men beyond counting. My home they burned as well, and in the street I saw piles of heads. I saw the head of a baker who made my bread. I saw the head of a boy I had saved from deadeye fever, only three moons past. I heard children crying as the riders drove them off with their whips. Tell me again what you saved." "Your life." (AGOT, Daenerys IX)

And I think the reader should be alarmed that while Dany thinks she's saved a life here, she promptly turns around and takes it:

"You will not hear me scream," Mirri responded as the oil dripped from her hair and soaked her clothing. "I will," Dany said, "but it is not your screams I want, only your life. (AGOT, Daenerys X)

I suppose this is similar to her freeing people but the situation being so bad they’re desperate enough to want to sell themselves back into slavery and instead of that being a wake up call about the results of her choices, telling Dany she hasn’t done what she thinks she’s done, Dany decides to take a cut, to profit off of their suffering.

#dot chat #anti daenerys

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zozo-01 · 2 years

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“you’re in MY WORLD, you can stay. (but you belong to me.)”

Starting off the 2023 with a fixation that won’t leave me, His Majesty himself, King Sam himself!!! I was robbed of my favourite couple from getting a royal au, so when @taelonsamada reminded me I can write, I said, “ Fuck it, I’ll give it to them!!!”

A wonderful shoutout to @gingerbreadmonsters for beta reading this fic for me!!!! She is the absolute best and I adore her so much!!!!

[Also tagging @haradasaya for being the biggest King Sam fan I know and @epsi-l0n, @cheolsk, @daveyistheloml and @dollscircus because they are all dolls!!!]

CW: Typical Imperium Violence™️, King Sam is an asshole in love, Darlin’ is (not for long) a wolf in love, Manipulation, Sam invoking Darlin’ for reasons he can justify, Darlin' is gender neutral but they are called a 'bitch', Explicit mentions of multiple characters being turned, The only turning that is explicitly written is consensual, Sooooo much fucking around with the canon

click here for the ao3 link!!!

—

Wolf senses are a blessing.

They allow the shifter to see predators and prey from far distances. Their sense of smell can take in the scent of blood and death, allowing them to avoid those areas. And every pup was told to run the other way if they heard a scream in the distance, lest they end up screaming by the end of the night.

A wolf’s senses are wonderful to escape danger.

But what happens when their heart overrides the danger their brain perceives?

Darlin’ knows this is stupid. They should be with the rest of the pack, ready to bolt to Keaton territory and claim it as their own. But they can’t. Call it stupidity or recklessness for even thinking they can change him. Darlin’ knew why they wanted to try. And it was worse than any reason a person could come up with.

Darlin’ loves him.

And isn’t love enough of a reason to try?

The scent of blood washed over them, but they didn’t waiver. Long had they become numb to the smell of blood. They didn’t want to become desensitized to it, never had they wished that the sight of the dead and decaying to be a common one.

The Imperium had said otherwise.

They weren’t walking to the Imperial King though. He had long been dealt with, they all saw it. Someone had made him kneel for them. The stubborn king, who rarely compromised on anything, was taking orders that were unbefitting of the lowest ranked humans.

It had made their stomach curl when they recognized the boot he had been licking.

The southern drawl on the PA urged them to run to the spire.

‘Never fall for a leech.’ It was advice they had forced down their throats, beaten into their skull. It was vampires that ruined their life and led them to the Shaw Pack. It was a vampire that had killed their Alpha and should have killed them.

(The guilt of that night gnaws at them during their midnight escapades with the current king before he stole the crown. There they go, falling for the same creature that time and time again ruined their life. But he’s different. He loves them.)

The walk to the throne had been the same as they remember it. Same long hallway, tall pillars, stained glass and from the archway, you could see the royal family.

Now the pillars were cracked, the once beautiful stained glass laid shattered at their feet…

…and the former king stood at the archway. Still. Deadly still.

They flinched at the sight of the king, fighting the urge to rip him to shreds. Make him pay for everything he has done to the people. To Sam. To them. But seeing him on the verge of tears yet unable to cry, body fighting itself to move, the look in his eyes begging for them to save him… Was this fate too cruel for a man like him?

He just had his crown stripped from him, literally it seems judging by the lack of jewelry on his head. It threw them off a bit, so used to the former king wearing the iconic crown of his family. So where had it gone?

Before they could call out to the former king, the southern drawl they love reverberated throughout the room. “Welcome Darlin’, you like what I did to the place?”

Looking past the tranced tyrant (though a part of them felt whatever he was under was stronger than a trance) they saw Sam sitting on the throne, a crown resting on his leg. Damn it all he looked good sitting there, leaned back with his leg spread, but the chaos outside had kept them focused. In a quiet voice, fearing talking any louder would show how fucking scared they were, they asked, “what did you do to him?”

“Aww Darlin’, you haven’t noticed? Be a good wolf and feel his core for me, yea?” He let out an insufferable chuckle, and they knew it was because he heard the spike in their pulse when he called them that. Doing as he said, Darlin’ felt the core of the former king. Instead of feeling the blazing heat, the core felt cold. Like it was dead.

“You turned him.” They looked up, stepped away from the young blood and paced towards the new king. “Sam, you fucking turned him? After everything you said about feeling sick when you were becoming a mass maker? Was that all a lie? And what the fuck are you doing letting vampires run loose on the streets?”

From the distance, they could hear a young boy’s scream. They squeezed their eyes shut, trying to block out. They knew that feeling all too well.

“There are vulnerable people who are gonna be turned because of this shit.”

Before Darlin’ could continue, Sam got up from the throne and walked toward the wolf. His pace unnerved them. He didn’t even have to trance them. His demeanor, his confidence, was enough to paralyze and keep them in place. Thoughts were racing through their head with every step he took.

‘Oh fuck, oh fuck, maybe it was a bad idea to piss off a massmaker king.’

‘Who cares? We can take his ass in a fight! Fuck his majesty!’

‘But this is Sam! He wouldn’t hurt us! He loves us!’

As the massmaker came closer, Darlin’ clenched their eyes shut and braced themselves for the pain to come. The different threads of their manic thoughts silenced, leaving a single idea echoing in their core.

‘Oh God, please don't bite me. I can’t go through that again.’

Except the bite never happened.

Darlin’ felt a cool object placed on their head, almost like a metal hat.

‘So that's where his crown went... Why did he put it one me though?’

“Can I see those pretty eyes of yours, Darlin’?” He pressed a gentle kiss on their hairline. “Please? I promise I won’t trance you. You know I’d never do that to you.”

They opened their eyes slowly, and were met with the dangerous silver eyes they fell in love with. This was the Sam they knew. The gentle smile and caring eyes. The reassuring hand placed on their back. The man who they had unloaded years of pain and anger and resent onto, and he carried their baggage like it was a badge of honour. They knew he was down there somewhere.

Sam leaned in and kissed them, deep and slow. A chuckle rumbled through his chest when Darlin’ became pliant in his arms, just how he likes it. “There’s my pretty Darlin’. Was scared you were gonna make me do something I’d regret.” He held their hand and guided them back to the throne, where he took a seat. He patted his lap. “Why don’t ya take a seat on this fine throne, Darlin’.”

The wolf shook their head and snapped out of the dazed haze they were in. “Sam, I- you-,” they tried to come up with something to say and the massmaker growled, cutting them off.

“Are you defying your king, my love? I told you to sit, and that means you’re gonna sit that fine ass down on this throne. Understood?” They nodded and straddled his lap, placing their hands behind his neck. Sam let out a pleased sigh and started to kiss their neck. He adored the shivers that he (and only he) was causing and squeezed their thigh to show his appreciation. “Now was that so hard baby? All I ask is for you to be good for me.” He leaned over to kiss their cheek and whispered into their ear, “and I know you love to be good for me.”

It was easy to get lost in his touch, his kisses, his love. They can try to forget the mayhem happening outside. Inside the palace walls, on the lap of their new king (the word mate crossed their mind), they can forget everything.

Their original pack.

David and Quinn.

The screams of the innocent being damned to a life they never asked for.

…Wait, no, that’s not what they want. Curse their fucking hearing.

“Sam- Sam, please let me talk- mmph!” Anytime they tried to open their mouth to speak, Sam would shush and silence them with a kiss. His hand on the back of their head was gripping their hair, forcing them to keep their lips locked with them. Darlin’ tried to push him off them, between his strength and the fact they want to kiss him made it harder to fight him.

But even vampires need to breathe.

He pulled away from them, panting as if he ran a marathon. There was a wicked gleam in his eyes and a predatory smile on his face. He was the hunter and they were his prey.

(In other circumstances, they wouldn’t have minded being his prey, but this was not the time.)

“Wait- before you kiss me again, I need to ask you something.” The desperation in Darlin’s voice made his eyes soften and caress their cheek.

“Anything, Darlin’.”

“Isn’t this taking things too far? Becoming king? Sending vampires to hunt for territory? We got our revenge against the Imperium, we don’t need to start another bloody massacre.”

Sam’s eyes darkened. “Do you not love me?” He adjusted in his seat to sit straighter, towering above the wolf in his lap. “Because it sounds like you don’t.” Their eyes widened and they spoke to defend themself. “Of course I love you! But innocent people are dying because you decided to let all hell loose!”

Sam sighed and adjusted the crown on Darlin’s head.

“Do you know why you’re wearing the crown even though I’m king?”

Above all else, Darlin’ was a curious wolf, and when they were given an opportunity to get some answers, they’ll snatch it with their claws. “...Yea actually, the fuck is up with that?”

“It’s because you’re deserving of the crown.” He laughed at the adorably confused face they made. “I am a monster. I’ve done terrible things to earn my titles, so despite the fact that I am king, the crown is too good, too beautiful for a person like me.” He paused for a moment to admire how the rubies and gold adorned his wolf’s head. “You? God, Darlin’, you’re the only ray of sunshine in this bleak world. So beautiful, and so good.”

“I really am not that good.”

Sam scoffed. He was scandalized by any implication that his Darlin’ was less than holy. “Oh really? I say you’re plenty good for trying to protect the people.”

“Sam, they’re innocent. They don’t deserve to-” He shook his head and thumbed their lip.

“Innocent people don’t scream and call you a ‘bitch’ for simply existing.”

They squirmed in his hold, the insult unfortunately packing more of a punch than they hoped.

Darlin’ opened and closed their mouth, trying to rebuttal his point. Their childhood memories bubbled back to the surface, the ones where they were berated and beaten, for simply being a wolf. They had thought that once they got to Dahlia, it would get better, but that was wishful thinking.

And the Imperium was never kind to wishful thinkers.

So people, empowered and otherwise, hadn’t treated them nicely, but still.

“They’re still people, isn’t that enough?”

Sam pushed Darlin’s hair away from their face and chuckled. “You’re allowed to hurt the people who hurt you, my love. I know you though. You’d never consider that. So let me hurt them for you. Let me protect you. I’ll get my hands dirty while you’re safe with that crown.” He held their face and pulled them closer. “I would do anything to protect you.”

Butterflies fluttered in their stomachs at Sam’s declaration. It had been… no, they had never been protected like that. Not as a child when their birth pack was being ripped to shreds by vampires. Not when Quinn was two seconds away from killing them. Asher may have saved them, but he hadn’t protected them. Not like Sam has.

“What about my pack?”

Sam stopped playing with their hair for a brief moment, pondering on what to do.

“Tell you what? I can send some progenies to help them out of Dahlia. I can’t help them much when they get out though.”

Darlin’s eyes sparkled at the suggestion. After all the trouble and pain they caused the pack, the least they could do was find them a safe way out. “Thank you Sam!” They leaned in and gave him a kiss to show his appreciation. He chuckled at their eagerness to help their pack, basking in the warmth of their good natured soul. A soul he refuses to let get tainted by anything.

“Of course Darlin’, Lord knows I’d do anything for you.” He placed a hand on the juncture of Darlin’s neck and shoulder, thumbing their pulse point. “But there is something I need you to do.”

Through a dazed gaze and a happy smile, Darlin’ replied, “anything.”

“Stay by my side forever.”

“...Does forever mean you wanna…?”

He kissed Darlin’s pulse point and nipped at it. “It only makes sense, no? I want you by my side forever, and that won’t happen if you’re mortal.” He made a good point.

But were they ready to do that? Give up their wolf form?

(A faint howl reverberated through the spire, but it wasn’t coming from them.)

The wolf within them had always brought a sense of comfort and protection to them. It was their wolf that had saved them from everything. There wasn’t anything that brought them more peace than shifting to their fur. They needed their shifter magic to feel safe.

But Sam brought that same safety, that same peace. So it would be a fair trade, right? They’ll give up their internal sense of protection for an external one.

Wolf claws for vampire fangs.

He kissed their cheek and whispered in their ear, “have you made your decision, Darlin’?”

Their body relaxed, already making peace with their inevitable but welcomed demise.

“Turn me. Please Sam?”

(The distant howl came back, even louder this time. Where was it coming from?)

His soft smile turned wicked. “Anything and everything for you, my love.” He played with their hair, and Darlin’ melted in his hand. Their eyes slowly closed, waiting for the pleasure to come. Sam had once told them that the intention behind the bite is what gives it feeling, and it was clear that he wanted to give them a sweet death.

He placed his forehead on theirs, their wolf adoring the act. “This bite won’t hurt you in the slightest. I won’t let it, and I’ll be here to take care of you, for forever and a day.”

Darlin’ giggled at his declaration and promise. “Forever and a day,” they repeated.

He smiled at the promise. “Then let’s get this show on the road.” He kissed their pulse point as a final reassurance before gently latching his fangs to their neck.

When the smallest amount of blood touched he moaned, pulling them closer. He shivered and growled, “your fucking blood- It’s what Gods would drink as offerings.” He went back to drink more of the ambrosia he adores.

His feeding session became more feral the more blood he drank. Sam couldn’t sit still with their blood flowing through veins, so he grinded up into them. If his excess energy can bring them pleasure, then that’s what he’ll do.

Darlin’ felt more lightheaded with every ounce of their life force is drained from them, but they couldn’t care. Sam’s deathly grip was consuming their being, both literally and figuratively, in the best way possible.

For once they trusted their life and death to someone else and fuck if that feeling ain’t worth dying for. They crave the security Sam brings and wants to be smothered in it. If it were up to them, they’d ask Sam to keep them buried in his heart, away and safe from the cruel world they don’t belong in.

Sam would do exactly that if he could. He can’t, but this is the best.

Before they died, Darlin’ heard one final order from their King.

“Rest easy, my Darlin’. I’ll make sure that your death is better than your life.”

Then with an unrestrained smile and a final breath, it all went to black.

(Was it just them, or did the howl sound familiar?)

—

Once the turning process was complete and he was sure they were breathing again, Sam carried his Darlin’s limp body back to their room. He loves calling it that. It doesn’t belong to either of them individually, nor does it belong to the old king. (He can make do with the bed in the dungeon, alongside the other wolf.) It was theirs, a distinction that warmed his undead heart.

He gently lowered his mate and placed the former wolf onto their bed. Oh, how he so wished to lay beside them and hold them close, and play with their hair while they sleep peacefully. But there was work to be done.

He kissed their forehead, doing a onceover their gorgeous body to make sure they were ok. Once everything was up to his standards, he covered their body with a blanket and left the room.

He closed the door and called out to his most beloved progenies. Within seconds, two young vampires appeared before their maker and king.

“There’s a wolf pack heading up north, the Shaws. I need you to deal with them for me.”

He could feel his more feral progeny aching at the thought of tasting wolf blood. “Want us to drain them dry?

Sam shook his head. “No, no, I want you to turn them.” He looked over his shoulder to the door that held Darlin’. “They need all the protection, and what better than a guard of former wolves?”

Fred stood up and said, “we’ll take care of everything, your majesty.” And with a nod from their king, the two progenies left, ready to carry out his wishes.

Any remorse or guilt that Sam may have felt was crushed by Darlin’s lingering feelings about the pack. Why should he care about anyone who makes his mate feel like that?

He walked back into the room where his most precious progeny laid. He sat down beside them and caressed their face, planning the eternity ahead of them. It was when he was in his deepest thoughts did Darlin’ woke up.

They tried to get up, wanting to stretch out their corpse body, but Sam pushed them back down and shushed them. “Shhh, it’s alright. How are you feelin’?”

Darlin’ leaned into his hand on their face. “Mmmm… sleepy… tired… lil hungry… but good, real fuckin’ good…” Their blissed out smile made Sam giddy like a school boy. He did that to them and he plans on continuing to do so.

“That’s normal Darlin’, your body is adjustin’ to the new magic. It’ll settle itself out soon.” He tilted their chin up to look him in the eye. “There’s just one more thing I need to do.”

“What is it, baby?”

“I as your maker, Sam Collins, invoke you, my darlin’ progeny, to forget the Shaw Pack ever existed and forbid you from going to the dungeons of this castle.”

—

Later that day, when wolf howls consume all of Dahlia, Darlin’ will feel hollow, a sense of guilt will overcome them. The howls should mean something to them, but for the life of them, they can’t remember.

Sam will enter the room and say something, maybe kiss them or maybe something more, that will make their heart flutter. They forget about the emptiness in their heart and memories.

He’ll later introduce them to their new royal guard, ignoring any complaints from the former that they never needed any protection. He’ll introduce each and everyone of them and Darlin’ won’t know who any of them are. He stops at the guard in the middle, Asher was his name. The name rings a bell, but they can’t place it.

They meet Asher’s eyes.

Was that recognition on his face?

They shake their head. No, they must seeing things. Yeah, that’s what it is. Darlin’ has never met any of these people, so why should they remember them?

They don’t see the glare His Majesty is sending the former wolf pack, reminding of the consequences of what will happen if any of them says a word.

Their other, poor Alpha has suffered enough down in the dungeons and Asher had just got him back.

Let’s not put him through additional pain, hmm?

#redacted asmr #redacted sam #redacted darlin #redacted imperium #YALL IS HEREEE #I LOVE I ADOREEE #KING SAM <33333333333 #zo writes tingz #this is zo speaking

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waldorfhistoria · 1 year

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Man, this wonderful Jenny meta I reblogged has me thinking SO many thoughts, especially about the Dan-Jenny dynamic and this line in particular:

“one scene that stands out to me is when jenny steals the dress in season one and dan goes into talk to her and it’s so clear he’s had to take on somewhat of a parental role with her since their mom has been gone? and i’m sure that’s frustrating for both jenny and for dan. but despite taking on this role of care, he doesn’t treat her condescendingly or with any ire, he tries to be understanding and careful and thoughtful where rufus couldn’t be.” - @buffyspeak

And one of the things that’s so fascinating to me about the relationship dynamic between Dan and Jenny is that they essentially have about four different styles of sibling relationships, all nestled into their one.

At times, especially towards the beginning of the show, Dan and Jenny have a fairly “typical” big brother/little sister dynamic - Jenny is teasing and affectionately annoying towards Dan, Dan is teasing and affectionately exasperated towards Jenny, but they ultimately look out for and try to protect/take care of one another the way that siblings do. But there’s a shift, I think, when Alison leaves - Rufus is suddenly acting as a single father, and Dan is put in the position where he not only needs to look out for Jenny as her big brother, but as a pseudo-mother of sorts - he’s the one who ends up playing mediator between Rufus and Jenny’s growing conflicts, who tries to give her the advice and guidance that she’s not getting from either of her actual parents, and is even the one who Rufus, at times, turns to to talk out the parenting decisions he makes in relation to Jenny. Which brings up another facet of their dynamic that only grows as the show goes on and Jenny starts to struggle more and more - the golden child and the “problem” child.

One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of the Rufus discourse really hinges on whether a fan is paying more attention to Dan as a character or to Jenny, because the Rufus in Dan’s story is often a very different figure than the Rufus in Jenny’s. Dan’s Rufus is a compassionate, loving, fair-minded dad, who affords Dan a level of respect and independence while also upholding strong moral values he expects his son to live up to. Jenny’s Rufus, on the other hand, is a far more controlling and at times almost immature figure, sometimes fighting with Jenny like a peer rather than a parent - a father who fails to offer his daughter the same respect and understanding he affords his son. And while none of this is Dan’s fault, how can Jenny not be a little resentful of it, of him - that Dan is treated like a person while Jenny is often made to feel like more of a project.

And yet, in spite of that, I would argue there’s another dimension of their relationship that probably plays a key role in keeping them close as the series wears on - Dan and Jenny as childhood friends. This is something that I feel doesn’t come up in the show enough but is still interesting in light of the way their dynamic evolves - based on what we know of their upbringing, it doesn’t seem like Dan and Jenny had a lot of other friends coming into the Upper East Side. I mean, we’re told that pretty explicitly with Dan, given that Vanessa seems to be the only other person he’s really close to outside of his family, prior to dating Serena. But it seems like Jenny didn’t really have any other close friends herself - at least no one close enough to stay in touch with after she moves from public school to private. It seems like - especially in the space of time that Vanessa was living in Vermont - Dan and Jenny were likely each other’s two closest friends, and I think considering how enmeshed their later social circles become, that adds an interesting nuance as well. Dan isn’t just Jenny’s big brother, he’s also her sister and sometimes her mother and kind of her rival and always her longtime friend.

#sorry if this is super long-winded or tangential i just love how complicated and how real they feel in a show full of so many fake things #gossip girl #jenny humphrey #dan humphrey #humphrey siblings #gossip girl meta #also im not trying to be too much of a rufus hater lol i know he loved both of his kids and was generally trying to be a good parent #but i cannot ignore the blatant favoritism he showed dan over jenny and how that must have made her feel #the amount of times he said something to the effect of 'i don't even recognize you as my daughter anymore!!'#like my man. what is it you think you're going to accomplish here other than alienating her further

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max--phillips · 1 year

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Ok but do you have any advice for us bimbos *affectionate* when we go to a car mechanic bc it always feels like I go for one simple issue, and end up being told there's almost a dozen issues with my car 💀 when do u kno ur being swindled?😭

Yeah actually I do!! Because it’s happened to me before!

So, best case scenario is they tell you the thing you were worried about isn’t actually an issue and they try to direct you to an entirely different, unrelated problem. For instance: with my first car, which was a piece of shit to begin with, I had some transmission issues at one point and went to a transmission shop to have them look. At my. Transmission. Just the transmission. And a little while later the guy comes out and he’s like “yeah idk your transmission fluid was a little dark but it doesn’t smell burnt or anything so it’s probably fine. The issue you really have is that your entire front end is fucked and needs to be rebuilt.”

At which point you do the same thing you would do to a doctor trying to tell you to lose weight as a magic solution to all your problems (but you gotta kinda stroke their ego a little bit). “That’s a fair observation, and I’ll definitely take a quote on that, but I don’t think that has anything to do with the issue I came in for. Can you please help me figure out why my transmission was slipping/what that noise is/why it’s vibrating so much/whatever?”

At that point if they push back with “it’s probably just a fluke” or “I didn’t see anything wrong with it” ask for a second opinion, either have the same mechanic take another pass at it or ask if there’s another mechanic in the shop who can take a look. If they still give you shit, just take the quote for the work they apparently did want to do and find another shop. Any quotes they give you are indeed just quotes; you never have to talk to them again if you don’t want to. Just don’t pay for anything if all they did was a diagnostic and didn’t actually do any work!! Unless they explicitly tell you diagnostics cost money, which the vast majority of shops don’t do.

Worst case scenario is they start throwing all sorts of technical terms at you for issues that might be related to your main concern. At that point, you’re unfortunately going to need to do some legwork. Ask them for a quote for the work they’re suggesting. Most of the technical BS that they’ve thrown at you should be on the quote. Then take your car to another shop. Do not tell them that you’ve been to another shop or have a quote elsewhere. If they give you the exact same technical BS, chances are fairly good that they’re actually on to something. If they give you an entirely new batch of technical BS, you know they’re probably just fucking with you. There’s still probably some overlap between the two quotes; figure out what that overlap is, and that’s likely the work that actually needs to be done. Honestly, you might take it to a third shop just to rule out that one of the two shops was on to something & the other was just bullshitting you.

Some other various tips:

Read the reviews online! If there are a ton of complaints about being overcharged for unnecessary work, don’t go there!

Ask your friends! Chances are good someone you know knows a guy. If you’re still worried they might try to swindle you, bring the friend who recommended them to you with you!

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. This means do preventative maintenance on your car. Get your oil changed (highly recommend getting full synthetic, you can usually go about 5k miles between oil changes), get your tires balanced and rotated. There are some special maintenance things for higher-mileage vehicles (ie with 100,000 miles or more); you can usually find that kind of thing in your owner’s manual.

Speaking of oil changes: for the love of god stop going to overpriced ass chain shops (Take 5, Valvoline Instant Oil Change, Jiffy Lube, etc). Literally go to Walmart (as long as your Walmart has an auto center) and ask for a full synthetic oil change. This will be just as good & not cost nearly as much.

If you must go to another shop to get your oil changed and/or tires balanced and rotated, they’ll probably try to sell you wiper blades. You can say no. You should say no. Buy them at Walmart, on Amazon, or from RockAuto. They will be a million times cheaper. And they’re very easy to change; most of the packaging comes with instructions, but YouTube is your friend—just search your year make & model and “how to change wiper blades.” (Ex: how to change wiper blades on 2013 Honda Civic.)

(If they try to sell you anything else, you can say no to that, too. An oil change is just oil & your oil filter. If they’re nice they might also top off your coolant and windshield wiper fluid. You don’t need to have them replace your cabin air filter or wiper blades or anything (although if your car is always stinky and you can’t figure out why you might wanna replace the cabin air filter bc it can help with that))

Know the penny trick for your tire treads!

If they try to sell you tires and Lincoln’s head is still pretty covered, they’re bullshitting you.

(Tires usually last about 10k miles unless something wack happens like you pop one or something)

(I can make a post about what to do when you get a flat tire if y’all want??)

Uhhhhhh that’s all I got rn, hopefully this is helpful!! If anyone else wants to chime in please do!!

#tori answers questions #max answers questions #anonymous #i have opinions about cars #advice

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mooifyourecows · 2 years

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moo i need advice. i’m gonna talk to my therapist n some other people ab it too but i’m taking all the help i can get.

there is a Situation at my work. i am a female presenting human at work and i have this coworker (we’ll call him A for simplicity’s sake) my age who was hired last month or the month before. he used to work at this coffee place in the same parking lot and spent his lunch breaks in my store sometimes so i knew him and we talked a bit before he was hired. i considered him an acquaintance bordering friend when he was hired. but some of my closer coworker friends told me last week that he said something like “i only applied here because i thought she was interested in me.”

i have been literally nothing but nice to him. i have never ever ever flirted with him or have done anything on my end other than just general customer service and coworker banter and conversation. i have had a serious long distance partner for over a year, best friends for 7 years before we even started dating. so when i heard he said that, after i clocked out and was waiting for my ride, i made it GLARINGLY obvious that i was taken in front of him (showed a pic of my partner to a coworker nearby him and did all my fun little gay jokes). it wasn’t directly at him but it was enough that he got the message. he knew i had a partner before this, but i just figured this would drive it home yk?

then after i left one of my coworkers texted me and said A was saying some MORE shit along the lines of “i dont care that she has a partner because they’re long distance and i want to take things slow anyway.” after i heard this i immediately went to my store manager to let her know and tell her that A makes me extremely uncomfortable and if it didn’t stop i was going to go to HR about it. none of this was said directly TO me, to my face, so that’s why i went in that direction. also this way there was a record of it and if my SM needed someone to vouch, she could ask the coworkers who he said this in front of. the night shift manager is now keeping him busy away from me when i work register whenever our schedules have an overlap which is good and the SM said she would talk to him and that if she heard (or heard about) anything else come out of his mouth like that, he’d be fired. i asked her to leave my name out of it, to not let him know that i said anything (ie, word it so it sounds like someone ELSE made the complaint because i don’t feel safe) and she agreed.

but last night he sent me a text saying that he wasn’t sure what he did wrong but he was told he did something to make me uncomfortable and apologized, explicitly telling me i didn’t need to respond to it because it was late and he had made me uncomfortable anyway (i blocked his number after that, i only had it for work related reasons in the first place but i realized i could use the store phone to call him if needed so it didn’t really matter).

now i have a couple options im juggling atm. one, show my SM the text and ask her what exactly she said to him to make him believe sending an “apology” text was okay. two, skip showing my SM and go directly to HR (which i really dont know how to do, id need help with that for sure). or three, talk to A directly (likely through text or in person with a witness) and see if i can get it figured out that way (only problem with this is that he got fired from his last job for yelling at THEIR store manager, so i’m a little spooked about what he would do if i confronted him at all about this).

again, im asking a bunch of people their opinions, especially my therapist about what to do because im totally fuckin clueless on the steps i need to take about anything. but u seem knowledgeable in dealing w assholery so it’s worth a shot to get your opinion too. idk. shit freaks me out and i would like to kick him very hard in the shins

Sounds like quite the predicament! First of all, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and taking precautions to ensure your safety. It sounds to me like you've made all the right choices so far, especially letting your managers know your feelings so that they can have it on record and also take steps to protect you.

I know its difficult understanding what is right in situations like this. Maybe your coworker doesn't have any bad intentions and just genuinely has a crush on you. We can't fault people for their feelings but we CAN establish our boundaries and recognize when actions overstep those boundaries.

The fact that he took your politeness for interest is not your responsibility. It's his and his alone. The fact that feminine presenting individuals have to literally put on a cold and distant facade to protect themselves from unwanted advances from men who can't tell the difference between friendliness and flirting is tiresome and unfair. And it's not your fault that he's decided to misinterpret your actions and words.

Again, MAYBE his intentions hold no malice but the things he's said and done make you uncomfortable and that's completely understandable. Specifically getting a job in order to pursue you based off his misconceptions is predatory behavior! Maintaining his intentions to pursue you after you made it clear you are not single and not interested is predatory behavior. Him not realizing that it is doesn't make it any less exactly that.

Good job reaching out to your bosses! Seeing as this is a workplace problem, it SHOULD be on their radar. It is up to them to protect you in these situations. I would advise against confronting him on your own because your safety is the most important thing and its not your responsibility to explain to him what hes done wrong. Even if he wouldn't try to cause you harm and this IS all a misunderstanding on his part, he needs to understand that his actions are inappropriate. No hand holding. Leniency leaves room for hope. He cannot think that it's all just a little "oopsies, better luck next time" type of situation rather than the literal workplace violation it is. If he thinks that this is a problem only because you dont like him back, he could possibly move on from you to try doing the same thing to someone new in the future.

He needs to understand that he CANNOT act this way with his coworkers. It's not just disrespectful and inappropriate, but it's literally against the rules, and to some degree, against the law. Sexual harassment comes in all shapes and sizes and the sooner he understands that, the better! Letting men get away with stuff like this breeds more and more audacity which results in more and more uncomfortable and unsafe women. It could even advance to literal assault.

My advice is to inform your managers about the text and see what they think about it. If you feel like they are too lenient with their response, then absolutely go to HR. in fact, it might be good to fill HR in on the situation anyway, just in case. I'm not super well versed in workplace rules but I think just letting them know what is happening now before it escalates could be beneficial. They might even take the time to reach out to A and educate him on the rules and explain to him how his actions are inappropriate. I understand if you're worried about him getting fired or getting angry at you, but I dont think they'd outright punish or fire him on this one offense unless he did something much more extreme.

If you're scared to contact HR on your own, you can ask your managers to do it for you. I'm sure they would be willing to do so. It'd be beneficial for them too, honestly, to inform HR of the situation before it progresses because them knowing and not taking the necessary steps to protect you could make them look bad.

Overall, don't worry about this guy's feelings. If he really intended no malice, then yeah it might be embarrassing for him, but your safety and the safety of potential future victims is more important than his male fragility! It's best for him to learn now when he still has time to correct his mistakes than later when he's already deemed his behavior to be normal and acceptable!

Keep your friends and coworkers updated so they can keep their eye on the situation and take necessary steps to protect you. Don't let A pressure you into speaking to him, especially without other people around. If he wants to apologize, he can do so with multiple witnesses, and then move on and do his work without pestering you again.

I hope that he learns from this experience and doesn't try it again with you or anybody else! He needs to pursue romance in acceptable environments, not at work.

Good luck and stay safe! 🖤 I'm hoping it all goes smoothly and you can put your concerns to rest soon 🌈

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sminiac · 10 months

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hello i love reading ur bf!xikers 🫶

i wanted to ask if u can write bf!seeun?

if requests are closed just ignore this ask😅

💌 — Oh my gosh I’m so glad! Of course, I gotchu!!! <3 (Y’all don’t understand how geeked I get receiving reqs, like I’m literally rolling around on the ground every time a new one comes in like a dog in grass)

Bf!Seeun who loves pretending to be a stranger that’s attempting to— and failing miserably at flirting with you just to see how you’d handle the situation. He’ll get these random and sudden bursts of inspiration for a new ‘scene’ that he’s hurriedly jotting down before the thought dwindles into smoke and slips from his grasp, then whenever he sees you next he’s whipping out his notes and “Okay babe, how about this.” He’s so cute, gets so serious about it, but at times he’ll catch himself giggling at your answers if they’re syrupy sweet, “Ahhh cute!” You can hear his voice in your noggin, can’t you? and now you can’t seem to get his hands off of you.

Ex: At some point this becomes a running joke in the dorm, the boys even jump in to help you deconstruct the question at hand and map out what the most effective yet petty method there is to satisfy your silly boyfriend, they’d even critique you on your answers 😭 “He’d want you to be more blunt.” “Maybe throw in a good grimace, yeah! Like that!” “Mm, be a little more mean, that guy doesn’t seem nice.” and you’re like: “Who doesn’t seem nice??? This is still Seeun talking????”

Bf!Seeun who is so a: “But Y/n said” type of boyfriend, and it’s never anything you’ve explicitly told him to do or to not do, it’s simply suggestions to help keep his health in check, or what skincare products to avoid, nevertheless he’s still— “Sorry, Y/n told me I need to go to sleep earlier tonight.” Whenever he’s asked to hangout with a few of his members, and “Y/n said that you shouldn’t mix those two serums together or it’ll irritate your skin.” Basically unsolicited advice, but you always know what’s good for him, wouldn’t it be unfair to keep your helpful tips all to himself? When him and his members are out shopping he’s always, “Y/n said those weren’t the best quality, I wouldn’t waste my money.” And it’s always so casual, just rolls right off his tongue without any forethought, the boys would get a good giggle out of it but almost always take his word for it because Seeun’s Y/n just knows best.

Bf!Seeun who I feel like loves having matching clothes/accessories! Like whenever he’s looking to buy a lil something for himself he’s always looking to buy a lil something for you too, and it’s always the exact same pieces. Does it every time he’s going abroad so that you’ll ’remember’ you have a very sweet boyfriend, as if you’d ever forget?? he’d be so annoying it’s so cute🤭

Ex: Seeun is a proud owner of those custom “I ❤️ my girlfriend” shirts, and he isn’t afraid to wear it in public!! he’s always making sure to pack it whenever he’s catching a flight just in case these girls try something. I feel like he’d also love those cute bff necklaces/bracelets, like the ones they sell at Claire’s yk? Would unironically wear it, showing it off any chance he gets.

Bf!Seeun who would repeatedly be found cuddled up to you in his bed during the mornings before the two of you were officially together by a handful of his members, and for the longest time he swore that the two of you weren’t a thing, stupidly the 9 all believed it to be true, not having the capacity to doubt him for a second, because they’re busy people, that was until they filmed the video in their dorm where everyone was being exceptionally annoying in attempts to wake all of the members up, and naturally he let his guard down when they decided to wake you next, and being startled out of your sleep by their loud noises and flashing lights surely couldn’t be enjoyable. Sweet boy, he didn’t have the heart to let you continue being scared, especially if you’re sensitive to loud sounds, forgetting that there was cameras set up and recording he quickly went to you, notably dramatic as he pulled your head gently into his chest, pecking small kisses into your hair, he had turned to look over his shoulder to scold the boys into silence, except it wasn’t his complaints that made them comply, it was that Seeun just kissed you? on the head? Seeun was holding you, comforting you, in his bed?

Ex: They realized soon after, because sure Seeun can be affectionate, but not quite like that. When they all got over the initial shock that Seeun does in fact have a partner the members were all quick to apologize, acknowledging that you were still new to being around them and they should’ve left you out of their chaos, they were all incredibly relieved to know that you weren’t terrified but merely jumped when they suddenly bursted back into the room and that Seeun was just being overly protective :,) Yujun will never let this go though, because of all people, he didn’t know?

Bf!Seeun who is always figuring out new ways to go about showing his love for you :(

Words of affirmation? With him you learn to find the sweetness in his simplicity, i think the feelings would be much too complicated and big to put exactly into words that he becomes overwhelmed it, sweet boy just adores you so much :( and it would take a while for you to realize, but once you become more familiar with eachother you’re always “awww🥹” when he’s just simply running the pads of his fingers softly under your chin, or he’s wrapping his arms around you, head moving to rest in the dip of your shoulder, nuzzling at you with this warm feeling spreading throughout his chest that he physically can’t stop himself from clinging to you.

Acts of service? Absolutely, the type to throw your towel in the dryer so it’ll be nice and warm when you come out of the shower/bath. This might also be completely random but bear with me, you know how some public restrooms have really unreliable locks? He’s so willing to be on door duty for you if you’re feeling a little wary, and he takes it very seriously, isn’t shy about telling people “My girlfriend’s in there, sorry!” Like he’s just so trustworthy 😭

Gift giving? Sometimes he goes out of his way to buy you the most atrocious, silly looking plushies and he thinks that he’s so hilarious for it, can’t stop giggling when he hands it to you. But he’s also always on the hunt for those cute Sanrio ones too, the type to not really know a lot about it but if he sees a familiar character he’s like “Y/n knows that one” and is so quick to buy it.

Quality time? When I think of Seeun the thought of him having the habit of following you everywhere pops up, like he’s so “where you going?” Every time you get up, so quick to follow you even if he doesn’t know where you’re headed, he’s so cute just silently trailing behind you, especially with his height I’m tearing up. Loves sitting in the bathroom with you while you shower, sometimes busied by whatever it is that’s on his phone, but I feel like he’d rather sit and talk to you, making you laugh, it’s hard to not get soap in your eyes when he’s distracting you by trying to be funny.

Physical touch? He loves hugging you from behind, such a cozy feeling, long arms draped loosely over your shoulders, chin resting on the crown of your head if the height difference calls for it. I feel like he’d have a habit of holding your finger, STOP because it’s such a small thing of him to do, like you walking in public with this tall, stoic looking guy cutely holding onto your finger with all 5 of his 😣 also head pats!! whenever you’re talking, cuddling, coming up to him for a hug he’s always gently patting at your head, soft subconscious smile on his face when you start talking :(

#bf!xikers #park seeun #park seeun x reader #park seeun imagines #park seeun fluff #xikers park seeun #xikers seeun #xikers seeun x reader #xikers x reader #xikers imagines #xikers

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hardcorekidbarbie · 1 year

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Today was a WILD ride. But I’m hoping that the things that came out of it are beneficial long term. Fingers Crossed.

So i guess a lot of this really started yesterday or the day before.. but Husb and I were partaking in extracurricular medicines so we were up late n feeling frisky and adventurous. We were using a anonymous chat site to have some fun. He explicitly told me numerous times Not to use it on my own and that this was an us together thing. He DEF has the right to feel this way and place these limits especially considering my problems with hypersexuality and how I have used such sites in the past while manic. (This 100% should have been one of my first clues 🙄) It was awesome, we had a blast, I felt super seen and connected to him and for once in a very long time I didn’t feel like a disgusting freak for my kinks or exhibitionist behaviors. Problem is I felt SO good I didn’t think thing’s through when perusing the chat site for ideas in our future use..

Fast forward to today. We both crashed hard last night so we were both up early this morning. We ran a couple errands and I started doing some housework. I was feeling GREAT and productive (clue 2). I was feeling a lil sexy n I was definitely gonna ask him if he wanted to play that way again tonight. (Clue 3) While fantasizing about our potential night time fun n doing laundry I remembered I had a shrink appointment that morning. ALMOST missed it but didn’t. Saw Shrink Shelly n was literally feeling Top Notch. While discussing my bipolar we went over my mania symptoms and then about halfway through my session it hit me… I’m Manic Right Now.

Of course the correct action would have been to divulge that to her right then.. but nope! I was definitely frightened of the unknown of her reaction and what would happen as a result of me telling her???? Literally doesn’t make sense lol After my session I went to Walmart and was just noticing tons of things that confirmed this. But so far nothing really bad was happening (besides some self medicating) so I thought why not ride the high… I took forever at Walmart bc the racing thoughts were causing me to forget and second guess what I needed. I talked to Husb and I could feel a slight annoyance that I was taking so long. So I rushed home. We were kinda chatting n I felt like he was irritated by something or I dunno what. He asked if I had used any sites without him. I wanted to be honest, I hadn’t done anything bad.. except I had. I completely diminished his feelings by using it for recon. I broke the one rule he gave me and once again I felt surprised bc “it was no big deal”. My brain just minimizes situations and I lose site of the bigger picture. In the moment I really felt like “why is he so upset? I didn’t do anything wrong” But talking/getting defensive and arguing with him I realized exactly what I did wrong and how it hurt him.. but it was kinda too late. It was him telling me I fucked up and hurt him by not taking his feeling’s seriously and he was right. It was a shitty thing to do and as usual I felt hella guilty. But not before making a huge fuckin deal of it bc I always blow up and then see the error of my ways quickly after. Feels crappy. Because of how I handled things I ruined the whole day.. I couldn’t just apologize n let him be justifiably mad for a minute. I always get defensive and I was irritated for ruining my chances of future fun. Which in fact, had I let the situation play out normally, would have mostly been saved. Jen Queen Champion of Ruining things. So while in the car I worked on my “reasonable thinking” and was able to work through my problematic thinking and felt better. MUCH better. I thought that now that I saw things clearly and apologized and took accountability for what I did wrong and was feeling better that I could reclaim the day. I decided to reach out on my Bipolar1 and BPD Reddit groups for advice. But you know.. I just don’t learn from my mistakes. So Husb was like WTF are you doing on Reddit! And me again minimizing everything was like oh I just use it for mental health advice and support. But AGAIN that is a site he’s justifiably told me not to use. So now he’s upset bc I literally am doing exactly what we just discussed and I just said I understood. Needless to say I have destroyed his mood for the day.. my mania is still around but it’s symptoms have lessened. I wanted to reclaim the day and make up for my mistakes and try to hopefully influence Husb mood. So I actively have stayed in a positive mood and tried to be as ideal a partner as humanly possible. Because the mania is still present it was easy to fall back into the positive mood. His mood however was not influenced.. He says he’s over it and that nothing is wrong but his actions, attitude, language etc say otherwise. N the post-mania guilt is creeping in early.

So anyway Shrink Shelly asked if I journaled today and said I should try picking it up again. I think putting em out on here is gonna be beneficial. I just get worried that mania is having me believe that this is a better idea than it really is. Being aware of Mania when it’s happening is supposedly a good thing. Well lemme tell you.. it’s fucking confusing and causes me to second guess my feelings and thoughts. Lots of lessons learned today and I’m hoping they really sink in. Im hoping I see all this as clearly when the mania ends. I’m also hoping the journaling keeps up after this is over too. I still have SO much to learn about myself and my illness. BUT baby steps. Forward progress.

#bipolar1 #bpd #hypersexuality #mania #bipolar mania

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radiant-reid · 3 years

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Darling, you're the one I want

Summary: The history of Spencer and Y/n's relationship as told by Paper rings by Taylor Swift

hiii i was wondering if you can do something like paper rings by taylor relateds

A/N: is this a little too bisexual of me? maybe, but I love Emily Prentiss

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Fluff )

Content Warning: Recreation marijuana use (not explicitly by reader) | sexual references | mention of Spencer's drug addiction | mention of Diana's condition

Word Count: 8.1k I am so sorry

Masterlist

When Y/n moved into her new apartment, she didn't expect to meet her best friend. After watching the mysterious Emily Prentiss arrive and leave at odd hours, she definitely wanted to know what her story was. A mixed-up package gave her the perfect opportunity to introduce herself. Then she started feeding Emily's cat when she was away, and they very quickly were having brunch on Sundays, getting wine drunk together, and trading secrets.

One of the very first things she learned about Emily was the reason for the periods of time she was away. Her super impressive FBI job.

A few months into their friendship, Emily mentioned she didn't have someone to take to the party her colleague/friend, Spencer, was hosting. The members of the BAU were something Emily talked about a lot. From 'charming, but not as good a flirt as me' Derek Morgan to 'ray-of-sunshine' Penelope Garcia to 'boss man' Aaron Hotchner to 'badass' Jennifer Jareau to 'the famous book guy, who's actually quite cool' David Rossi. And, of course, Spencer, the intelligent little brother she never had.

They all were quite highly spoken of by Emily, so Y/n wanted to meet them. It was why she offered to go with her friend. An added bonus was going to be free food and booze, and she'd planned to hang out with Emily anyway.

"Okay, I love that dress." Emily immediately greeted Y/n after she'd made the twenty steps to her apartment door. "You look hot."

The dress, Y/n could agree, was flawless. A soft, silky baby blue mini dress that fitted like it was made for her. The neckline was high enough it wasn't too club-like, but low enough there was still a pretty decent view of her boobs. She looked hot, and she knew it. Maybe the dress wasn't overkilling it, but her glam makeup and soft curls probably were. She didn't exactly care. After all, there are only so many house parties one goes to in their early 30s. And maybe Emily had hyped Morgan up a little too much for Y/n to not want to take home.

"Me? What about you?" Y/n complimented in reply, her eyes darting over Emily's dress. "When did you buy this?"

Emily did a little spin, showing Y/n the hot new red number she must have recently acquired. "Oh, you know, just before my date last week?"

"Any good?" Y/n replied, knowing she always had a story.

"Oh my gosh, no." Emily shook her head. "He was arrogant, but I guess that's what I get for dating someone my mom likes."

Y/n laughed aloud at that. "A politician?" She asked.

Biting her lip because she knew what Y/n's reaction would be, Emily replied. "A corporate lawyer." She was right, judging by the way her friend's mouth contorted into a grimace.

"You've got to stop doing that." Y/n reminded her, although the information wasn't new, and Emily would ignore the advice once again.

"I know, but scold me later, or we'll be late." Emily requested, using the ticking clock as an excuse to get out of the judgmental eyes of her friend. She turned to lock her apartment door, and the pair started walking to the underground parking.

Y/n pressed the button on the elevator, stepping in. "I do think our dresses deserve the honor of being fashionably late." She commented, straightening out the silk fabric.

Emily chuckled, agreeing with that as they got into the car. As usual, they found more than enough to talk about on the short drive to Spencer's apartment.

"Oh, I've got to grab the books from the trunk," Emily mentioned when they got out as she walked around to the back of the car.

Y/n followed her with a frown, only more confused by the ten or eleven books in the back of the car. All thick and definitely old. "Why books?"

"He reads. Like a lot." Emily told her, but Y/n thought it might have been mentioned before. "And these were some he mentioned he wanted that I took from my parents' house." That made Y/n laugh, the thought of how cute their relationship was lingering in her head. "It's not like they're going to notice. They just sit in the 200 square foot room." She scoffed, exaggerating, or maybe not. Y/n wasn't sure.

They took the stairs, Y/n carrying half the books in her hands before knocking on the door. She'd seen the man who opened the door in photos in Emily's apartment, but he was more stunning in person. A sweet smile, pretty eyes, and perfectly formed curls. Tall, too, she initially presumed that JJ, who he was standing beside in the photo, was short. But his slacks clearly showed his long legs.

"Oh, you brought the books!" Spencer grinned once he focused his attention on the thick hardcovers. Quickly, he took them out of their hands, making sure the girls didn't have to carry them. "Thank you so much. I'll finish them fast, so your parents don't find out." He gushed, letting Emily pull him in for a hug.

"Don't worry," Emily told him, flicking her hand backward. "I'll fight them off."

Y/n smiled at the bond between the two of them. She could have figured how difficult and necessary it was to have friends in a job like theirs.

When they pulled away, Spencer looked at the new guest in his apartment. "Sorry, I'm Spencer Reid." He offered out a hand to shake hers.

"Y/n L/n. It's nice to meet you." She replied, smiling at him.

Spencer stepped aside, gesturing for the two of them to come in. "Thanks for coming. I was worried I'd have to listen to more of Morgan's music." He joked. Emily laughed with him. "You have that music application thing on your phone, right?"

Y/n gave Emily an 'is this guy for real' look when he didn't use an abbreviation. The shrug she got in reply assured her he was every bit as unknowingly cute as she thought.

"Yeah, Reid, I got you covered," Emily assured him. "But, I know it's time for a drink."

That was how the night started. There was more alcohol than Y/n would have suspected, especially because Spencer didn't seem to be drinking any.

Derek Morgan was quick to come and introduce himself. "Prentiss, you did not tell me how pretty your new friend was." He flirted, eyes tracing her figure.

Sighing, Emily introduced them. "Y/n, meet the one and only Derek Morgan."

"I've heard great things," Y/n informed him, shaking his hand. Morgan quipped his eyebrows, looking between her and Emily, not exactly sure what information she'd been told. Emily's descriptions for all of them seemed to be accurate, and she quickly felt as though she fit in with them.

As the night drew on, there was more drinking, laughter, and time for Y/n to get to know the team. She was drawn to Spencer, an odd type of attraction she wasn't sure she'd ever felt for anyone. Like something inside her was driving her to know him.

After Hotch and Rossi left, Morgan took out a small ziplocked bag of weed and some rolling paper. "Brought you a gift, pretty boy." He said with a sly smirk on his face.

Penelope hit him on the shoulder. "That's not for him, and you know it." She reminded him, only causing him to nod.

Spencer shook his head with a laugh, turning to the kitchen to get them more chips that he was sure they would need. They started rolling to joint, and to Y/n's surprise, they were expertly done. Sitting on the patterned rug on the dark wood flooring of his lounge room. His apartment gave off the same vibe as when Emily described Spencer. Tidy but cluttered, what she imagined his brain to look like. Lots of books, obviously, but also a globe, framed maps, greek sculptures, and a statement, ornate mirror. It was just as pretty as he was.

Y/n sat around them while they smoked, far too drunk to participate. The music was loud enough she could feel it thumping through her, the beat synching with her pulse.

A hand on her shoulder drew her attention from waiting for the bathroom door to open. It was the owner of the apartment she was in. "You can use my ensuite if you like." Spencer offered, holding out a hand for her to take.

She took it, letting him pull her down the end of the hallway she hadn't toured down. It felt like she was rushing off to some random guy's bedroom at a college party, but Spencer held her hand up high, making sure she didn't trip. It was completely different, and Spencer was definitely a good person for being so kind to a near stranger.

The was only one piece of art on the walls, a large landscape of tree branches littered with birds. Not tropical rainforest-like scenery it was dark colors that complemented the dark green walls. The birds weren't exotic either, all sparrows, robins, woodpeckers, and goldfinches.

He was talking as they stepped away from the slightly foggy living room. "I'm guessing it's JJ and Will in the bathroom, and they're either up to adult business or JJ's puking."

Spencer's bedroom was like an extension of his open-planned living space. There were more personal effects there, though, judging by the collection of knickknacks on a shelf beside the bed. Where Y/n imagined, he could look at before he fell asleep. They were things Y/n wanted to know the story behind.

The bed was on the opposite wall to the door, centered in the middle. One of the other walls had a balcony door, and the other a double-doored closet and another door.

Stunned, she took it in for a moment. "They do that?" Y/n retorted with a giggle at his former speculation.

With a laugh, Spencer nodded. "They're notorious for it. It's a miracle Henry doesn't have 20 siblings." Y/n had heard that name before with the pictures while his godparents bragged about him, maybe more than his parents. "That's the bathroom." He mentioned, nodding to the door adjacent to the bed.

"Thanks," Y/n replied, finally dropping his hand and walking closer to that side of the room.

"I'm going to supervise. I'll bring you some water." Spencer told her, moving closer to the door to the hallway. Y/n thanked him again, walking into the bathroom while Spencer exited the room.

Y/n resisted the urge to look through his bathroom cabinet. Instead, when Spencer wasn't back in his room, she looked around at his personal effects. She sifted through the four books on his nightstand. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, Emma, Jane Austen, A Room With A View, E.M Foster, and A Farewell To Arms, Ernest Hemmingway. A true romantic.

The most treasured possessions told the same story. A drawing by a small child, probably Henry. A small wooden sparrow. Glasses that she was guessing weren't his due to the size. A women's perfume bottle. A bright yellow mug with a smiling sun on it. A birthday card which looked worn with a number 8 on it. An old fountain pen. And a set of playing cards.

She must have been too wrapped up in trying to figure out what each thing meant to him because the hand on her shoulder startled her. Spencer, again, was there when she turned around.

"Sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to scare you." He apologized, handing her the glass of water. He stood a few feet away from her, watching intently as she looked at his things.

Grateful, Y/n took the glass. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been snooping." She felt awkward about it. A near-stranger let her into his bedroom, and she went through his things.

Spencer shook his head. "I don't mind." He provided her with some reassurance. He wasn't exactly sure why that was, though. It wasn't like he would be mad at anyone for looking through his things, but he wouldn't have enjoyed it. Spencer wanted to tell the story behind every item to her, whether it was happy or not. If not because of the magnetism between them, then because of the kind smile she was wearing.

"Your girlfriend's?" Y/n asked, holding up the bottle of perfume, unsure of why no one had mentioned it.

Shyly, Spencer shook his head, his hands resting heavily in his pockets. "My mom's." He admitted to her before continuing. "I miss her, and it's the perfume she used to wear when I was a kid. Scents travel to the olfactory bulb, which is connected to the amygdala and hippocampus. It's why smells can trigger intense emotions or memories."

Y/n cut him off when he looked like he was going to add something. "I think that might be the cutest thing I've ever heard." She told him softly, meeting his pretty brown eyes.

Spencer blushed at hearing her words, his tongue darting out around his lips as he worked out what to say in reply. "Do you want to see something?" He offered with his hand.

Nodding, Y/n let him pull her away from his things. He took her out of the other door and onto the balcony. It was bigger than she expected, with a bench and telescope. The slight breeze was only a little cold. Spencer let go of her hand in favor of fixing the angle of the telescope.

"Wanna see something cool?" Spencer asked, waving her over to look in the lens.

Y/n complied, unable to stop her intrigue of him. Sure, everyone around her was new, sans Emily, but Spencer was the one she had the urge to learn. He was so close to her that she could smell his dreamy cologne. Just as divine as he was.

She forced herself to focus her attention on what she could bend down to see through the telescope. "You see that tiny slither of light? The slight-crescent shape?" Spencer asked her.

"Yeah," Y/n replied, looking at the tiny glow in the sky.

"That's the new moon," Spencer informed her before continuing. "It symbolizes a new beginning or a spiritual cleanse. Some people start new projects or use the energy to set their intentions."

If that wasn't a signal, Y/n didn't know what was. Not only Spencer's possible flirting but the fact that their meeting was written in the stars. Like the universe, the cosmic vastness responsible for everything picked them to be together.

Taking her eye away from the metal, she looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Spencer nodded, intensely staring at her like he was trying to figure something out. He was close enough that he could kiss her... not that that was what he was thinking about. He could still see every inch of her face and every shade in her eye color.

"What else can you show me?" Y/n asked, hoping he got the double meaning.

If he did get it, he didn't say anything. It might have been more attractive that, instead of flirting back with Y/n, Spencer moved the telescope so she could view something else.

Briefly, he looked into it because moving aside so she could look. "Venus." He announced. While she looked, Spencer continued to talk. "After the Roman Goddess associated with love and beauty amongst other things." She could see the close-up details for the yellow-ish planet. It was better than any photograph. His voice was paradoxically calming and captivating. It would make it difficult to decide whether to fall asleep listening to it or stay up late and talk to him. Not that she got to make that decision. "She was also the mother of Cupid."

"Another?" Y/n requested, pulling back slightly before she could get too flustered talking to him.

Spencer obliged, shifting it slightly when he did the mathematical calculations of where it should be. She watched his fingers dance over it as it swerved, coming to a stop when it was in the correct position. "Mars." He declared, letting her look at it.

Y/n pulled back for a second, looking up at him. "You're not going to tell me anything?" She asked, overexaggerating a pout.

"S-sorry, I thought it might be, uh, annoying you," Spencer replied, a charge of self-doubt rushing through him.

Y/n reached out to grab his hand, rocking it slightly to reassure him. "Please." He didn't know how such a brief touch could keep his skin warm and make his heart thump in his chest.

"The Roman God of war. In both Chinese and Indian astrology, it represents energy." Spencer started, but his voice quickly dropped an octave. "But it also symbolizes ambition, passion, desire, and sex." She bit her bottom lip at that, thankful he couldn't see. He knew what he was doing with that one.

"It's beautiful," Y/n remarked, in awe of the red-colored planet she could see so close. There were more elucidative adjectives, but she was focused on the surface shades.

Spencer couldn't even see her face, but he could hear the astoundment in her tone. "Outside of the city, you can see far more. I've never really had time on cases, but I'd like to go somewhere without so much light pollution. It's estimated that four million birds die each year because of light pollution. The glare over suburban and urban areas makes it difficult for them to migrate using the stars and moon." He informed her, looking out at the sky.

When he turned back around, Y/n was looking up at him. "The bird?" She asked, nodding back to his room where the wooden sparrow sat.

"It, uh, belonged to... I guess my mentor, Gideon. He recruited me to the FBI." Spencer told her, not having any problem with spilling his secrets. He'd taken it when he found Gideon's letter, gun, and badge, wanting something to remember him by. "Sparrows represent power, creativity, and empowerment."

"Gideon was like that?" Y/n asked, more interested in what he had to say than looking at the stars. His honesty made him trustworthy, she could tell. Along with that, he really was beautiful, the soft light showing every detail of his face. She wanted to memorize it all.

Slightly, he chuckled. "His creativity could be... bizarre, but it helped us solve a lot of cases."

It wasn't hard to see how much his mentor meant to him. "He sounds great." She replied with a smile.

Spencer nodded. "He was." He agreed. There was a moment of silence while they watched each other, scanning to ensure the odd feelings were reciprocated.

Y/n decided they were. "Are you going to tell me about the other things?" She asked.

Although he hadn't heard a lot of flirty suggestions in his life, that sounded like one. "Does that mean I get to see you again?" He confirmed, bracing himself in case she turned him down. He would have told her them, but he noticed the party was winding down.

There wasn't anything Y/n wanted more. Five hours ago, she'd never met him, but, now, she didn't know if there was anything more valuable than his time.

"I think we could work that out." She agreed with a half-smirk before making a suggestion. "Say, maybe, if I took one of the books on your nightstand, I'd have to return it."

"I'll swap you." Spencer declared, gesturing for her to go back inside. He followed her when she did as she waited for his offer. He wasn't big on giving away his favorite books, but he trusted her already. Plus, it was a small price to pay for getting to see her again. He walked closer to the bedside table, picking up the top book on the stack as well as a hardcover notebook and pen. "This book, for your number."

There was no way she wouldn't take that deal. "Sure." She agreed, taking the pen from his hand, touching his fingers for an extra second. The pages were blank when she opened the book like it was new. "Are you sure you want me to write in this?" She asked, ready to hand it back to him.

"Yeah." Spencer nodded affirmatively, so she did, neatly writing her name and number with a love heart next to it. He swapped the books over once she capped the pen.

"You better call." Y/n jokingly warned him.

Spencer smirked as he nodded. "And you better read." He counted.

"I will," Y/n assured him.

And she did. She physically couldn't sleep until she finished a few chapters deep into her new book. Then there was the three AM internet search. When her brain was over-tired, and she was desperate to know more. There were quite a few videos of press conferences he'd spoken at, a couple of newspaper articles, and evidence that he really did have 3 P.h.Ds. What was annoyingly missing was evidence of any social media. Nothing she could use to find out about his personal life. So, who exactly was Spencer Reid? Luckily, there was a lot to learn from the notes in the margin. She spent almost as much time reading them as she did the actual novel.

Spencer called the very next morning while she was in bed. The book was right next to her face when she woke up, her finger still holding the cover.

Their phone conversations started like clockwork when Spencer was in DC, every night at 9. Talking about their days or their favorite colors or the physics behind everyday activities- a topic where Spencer did the predominant amount of speaking-.

When he was working on a case, his communication skills lacked. Obviously, she knew he didn't have lots of time to talk while he was hunting down serial murderers. There was also the fact she didn't have a monopoly on his time, but she was so quickly conditioned to it.

Spencer definitely kept her life interesting. Everything wasn't meant to start revolving around him so quickly, but it did.

A month after the unofficial, just friends couple met, Emily called Y/n to come to the bar with the team. "Bring someone else." She instructed, knowing a fraction of what was happening between them. Partly because it was a developing situation, an on-again-off-again, will-they-won't-they relationship.

"Em, I'm not going to do that," Y/n replied, knowing it wouldn't do anything but worsen their relationship, delaying the time until he could finally be hers. "A game like that won't work on Spencer. He's too clever." Seeing as they did the same job, Emily should have thought of that. Of course, a profiler is going to see through a cliché pretend-to-date-me-to-make-him-jealous scenario. "What would work on you?" She'd already been getting ready as they talked.

"I don't know. When did you last talk?" Emily asked, shuffling some of her papers on her desk as she prepared to leave with the group. She decided it was better than standing in the elevator with Spencer.

Y/n pulled the phone back from her ear, checking her phone log. Spencer was far too old school to text. Plus, he liked to listen to her voice. It was easier for him to profile her tone.

"Tuesday," Y/n answered. It was Friday. Too long, for her liking, to go without Spencer.

"But you saw him last weekend?" Emily asked, making her way to the elevator.

Y/n could guess where the conversation was going since they had it before. "Yes, Emily. I've been to his apartment alone twice, and we've been out for coffee once." She deadpanned.

"On a date." Emily corrected, eliciting a sigh from her friend. The technicality being no one called it a date, and there was no hand-holding or kissing. "And you seriously expect me to believe you haven't had sex." She'd just stepped into the elevator with JJ and put the phone on speaker when JJ frowned at her.

"We haven't!" Y/n shouted back, throwing her hands up even though Emily couldn't see.

JJ scoffed, taking the phone from Emily. "That night, you definitely did."

"Hi, Jay." Y/n recognized her voice, greeting her happily before changing her tone. "And no, we didn't."

"You should," JJ said, gaining a surprised look from Emily that Y/n could imagine. She explained before either of them could comment. "I've heard good things." She emphasized.

Still, Y/n thought it was a little suspicious. "Sure, JJ." She sarcastically said. "I'll just see you guys there or something."

"Who's on the phone?" That was Spencer's voice. She would know it if she heard it anywhere.

Y/n could imagine the smirk on Emily's face. "Y/n." She answered.

She wished she could see the look on Spencer's face. Whether it was a smile or a frown if he looked interested or not. Even though it took less than a few seconds for her name to register, the silence was drawing out the suspense she felt.

"Hey, Y/n!" He sounded exciting, something she was sure of it. She could imagine the way his eyes glistened, and he got those deep smile lines.

"Spence, hi." She replied, trying to match his enthusiasm, despite how infuriating he was that week.

Emily dutifully informed him of their plan. "Y/n's coming with us."

"Oh, cool." She realized something about his statement wasn't genuine, but she didn't call him out on it.

"Okay, I'll see you guys later." Y/n quickly farewelled them, hanging up the phone before any further, awkward conversation could continue.

When she saw them at the bar, she'd replayed Spencer's comment over in her head far too many times to not want some revenge. The best plan she could come up with was ignoring him.

Y/n's strategy led her to sit next to Morgan, trying desperately to ignore Spencer. His captivating hand movements and intriguing topics of conversation made it near impossible. Even in the dim bar lighting, he was so pretty. An unattainable amount of beauty, even when he wasn't trying. Somehow, he'd just walked out of a full day of work with perfectly, slightly messy curls, and dressed like he could go back into the office.

Even after the hours they'd spent together, there was still so much she didn't know about him. And there were still the six items near his bedroom that she needed to know the stories behind. As much as she was purposefully ignoring him, it was so challenging.

It was much more challenging when they all decided to call it a night, conveniently leaving Spencer and Y/n together.

He knew she was ignoring him, but he wasn't versed enough in relationships to understand why someone would do that. It made him nervous around her when he hadn't felt that way before.

On the dark DC street, Spencer reached out to hold her hand. "Do you want to see something cool?" He asked, scanning her face carefully for a reaction.

"Sure." Y/n agreed, her already broken facade falling away. Spencer took her down the street, then two blocks over. He walked too quickly, basically dragging her. "I swear if you're taking me somewhere to murder me, you'll be in big trouble."

Spencer looked back at her and chuckled. "'Big trouble.'" He repeated. "That's not very threatening."

"Shut up." She replied jokingly, a blush painting her cheeks. "Where are we going anyway?"

"What? You don't like surprises?" Spencer replied, his big, beautiful grin playing on his lips. Adamantly, she shook her head. "Oh, Y/n, you've just made it my goal to surprise you, and I'm a chronic overachiever."

Y/n giggled at that. "Really? You like to do more than the bare minimum?" She rhetorically asked, having seen the PhDs and BAs to prove it.

Dramatically, Spencer stopped in his tracks, halting Y/n steps. "We're here." He announced, turning towards a door on the street.

"And where exactly is here?" Y/n asked, having no choice but to be dragged behind him as he walked closer to the door. It was something she would have missed, looking like any other fire exit door.

Spencer didn't reply. Instead, he lifted their joint hands up to rummage around the pocket on his suit jacket. Y/n unclasp their hands so he could find what he was looking for.

When he produced a set of keys, she was even more confused, frowning as he unlocked the door. "The aquarium." He answered, pulling the door open and holding it so she could go in.

Y/n trusted him enough to go in first, carefully walking into the dark building in her heels. It was almost all dark beside a faint glow in the distance. Spencer followed her in, turning to lock the door. He flicked on a light switch, and one by one, the lights turned on.

The area in front of her was desks, like any other office workspace. What was completely different was the tanks of water and brightly colored fish she could see in the distance.

"Oh my gosh." She exclaimed, spinning around on her heels to face him. "Spencer, this is incredible."

Just watching her face light up was enough to make him grin for a week straight. The astonishment was written all over her features. Spencer took her hand, threading his fingers through hers before pulling her through the building.

After the open planned office space, there was an underwater tunnel. All glass so Y/n could see out into the water. The glass was immaculately clear, giving her a view of the fish like there wasn't a barrier.

"What is this place?" She asked, focused on one bright orange fish with spots. She wasn't even aware that she'd stopped walking.

"It's part of Georgetown's marine science department," Spencer answered. "It's used for research, and it's pretty easy to get a key when you're a doctor."

Y/n huffed out a laugh. "A conceited doctor." She mumbled, turning to smirk at him.

"Can't be conceited if you're the best." He quipped, matching her smirk.

Shaking her head, she turned back to look at the tank. There was far too much to look at with all the different colored fish swimming above and around her. Spencer told her all about each fish she could see, pointing them out. It meant he had to stand right next to her, so close she could smell everything that was in the cocktail he'd had. His voice stayed in her ear, even though there was no one else there to hear their conversation.

They would have been there an hour before they'd finished waking through the tunnel, despite the fact it wasn't that long.

"Thanks for bringing me here," Y/n said once they were in what looked like the entrance to the building, able to see out to the street.

Spencer nodded. "There's still one more thing." He announced, taking a left and walking her through another door. "You know, I've never actually brought anyone else here." He confessed shyly, not wanting to make it the big deal that it definitely was.

Y/n didn't want to ask if that meant she was special, but she hoped it did. "It's amazing."

"It is." He agreed. "I come here sometimes if a case has been rough." He told her. Their footsteps echoed as they walked through the empty hall to the new mystery location. He stopped when they reached the middle of the hallway, reaching out to press a button. "Close your eyes."

She frowned at him. "Why?"

"Just do it," Spencer mumbled, shaking his head. Y/n unlaced her hand from his, placing them over her eyes. He turned her body slightly, so she was facing the wall, which was opening to reveal another tank. "Okay, you can look." He instructed, watching her face for a reaction instead of what he was showing her.

She took her hands away from her eyes, coming face to face with the shark tank. Her mouth dropped open as a reef shark swam past. "Okay, this is the coolest thing." She said, watching the other three sharks swim in the tank.

Spencer nodded, although she wasn't watching him. The blue reflection of the water danced across her features as it moved, the different shades illuminating varying parts of her face. He didn't know someone could look so pretty in such dim light.

Y/n knew he was watching her, and she felt it when he dropped her hand. The movement stopped her awe of the water as she turned her attention to him. He wasn't even thinking about what he was doing like it was a compulsion. Before she could ask him what was up, his palm was on her face, fingers curling around the base of her neck. He hurriedly leaned forward and kissed her.

Smashed his lips onto hers, and she couldn't comprehend what was happening for a moment. It was like everything moved in slow motion as she realized what was happening and kissed him back. There was all the passion of the two months they'd known each other, desperate pining for each other, and times they could have kissed.

Slowly, he pulled back, his lips still moist from being attached to hers. "You have no idea-." He started.

Y/n nodded, keeping their noses touching. "Yeah, I do." She guessed where his sentence was going and attached their lips once again. The kiss was longer but still desperate.

Spencer was grinning when he pulled back, as much as she was. "Do you want to, uh, be my girlfriend?" He hesitantly asked, worried that she'd say no.

There wasn't anything more that she wanted. "Yes, yes, please." She agreed, pressing their lips together.

Spencer didn't even need to ask Y/n to come over, she knew she needed to when he was sounded off on the phone. She didn't know the history with his parents aside from the fact his mom had schizophrenia and lived in a sanatorium, and dad hadn't been around since he was a kid.

She did know that a case in Las Vegas was sure to be a little painful. So, even though they'd been dating for a month, she went to Spencer's apartment.

He was dressed in a hoodie and pajama pants, the first time she'd seen him like that. The first thing she noticed, however, was how tired he looked.

"Hey." She said, walking into the apartment so he could shut the door. Wordlessly, Spencer pulled her in for a hug, making himself smaller. "Come on, let's go to bed." She instructed.

Spencer pulled back to frown at her. "You're staying?" He wondered.

Y/n pushed his hair back so it wasn't falling in his eyes. "You've had a long couple of days and nights. I'm here until you're alright." She assured him, pulling him closer to his room.

More the exhausted, Spencer followed. He positioned himself so his head was on her chest and he could tangle his legs in hers. It was warm, under the covers, and he wanted to stay with her like that forever. Having her just made everything a little easier.

Y/n went to turn off the light, before noticing the fountain pen and birthday card had been moved. "Are they things from Vegas?" She asked.

Spencer's gaze followed hers. "The pen." He started with a raspy tone. "Is from here. I brought it with my first FBI paycheck because my mom used to have one that she would grade papers with."

"I know I tease you about being a momma's boy, but I do think it's sweet," Y/n told him, running her fingers through his curls and massaging his scalp. She couldn't see Spencer smiling, but she could feel it.

"The card was the last communication I had with my father, aside from right before Henry was born," Spencer said a bit more sadly. She did know a bit of what happened on the case in Vegas before Henry was born. Mainly that Spencer hadn't seen his dad in a long time before that case. "I was mad for a long time, and I'm not sure why I keep it, but I do."

Y/n leaned down to kiss his forehead, trying to make him feel better. "I'm sorry he left."

Spencer never really talked about his feelings but, with her, he got so much reassurance he felt like he could spill everything. "Thank you."

"Hey, where are you going?" Y/n complained, sitting up in bed only to Spencer find pulling his pants up his legs. She held the sheet to her bare chest as she sat up. He'd slept over the previous night once the BAU came back from a case. She didn't expect him to be rushing out the door while she was barely awake. Especially after their fun night.

"Sorry." Spencer apologized, stepping over the rest of the clothes on her bedroom floor until he could lean on the bed to kiss her. "Told JJ I would paint repaint Henry's room while they're in New Orleans." He told her. "It's a surprise for his birthday."

Internally, Y/n awed at him, leaning forward to kiss him again. It had become so intoxicating to her in the three months they'd been doing it. "Can I come?" She asked, not wanting to spend any time away from him.

Spencer frowned slightly before nodding. "Sure, darling." He agreed, lazily reconnecting their lips. "Can't say it'll be fun."

"If you're there, it'll be fun," Y/n assured him.

Eyeing her suspiciously, he clarified. "No fun fun, though." He turned to pick up his shirt.

"Go so I can get changed," Y/n told him.

Spencer turned back around, his shirt fully unbuttoned as he ran a hand through his more than messy hair. Seeing his slightly toned chest in the morning light was what she wanted every day, to just memorize all of him.

He chuckled at her. "You do realize I've seen you naked?" He asked. Y/n threw a pillow at him that he caught, getting out of bed. His previous insistence that he could handle it was quickly taken back when he saw her bare. He couldn't help his eyes wandering up and down her figure as he gawked at her beauty. "I'm gonna, uh, go m-make coffee." He awkwardly stated, accidentally backing up into the door. Biting her bottom lip, Y/n waved to him while he walked out of the room.

Will had moved everything out of the room and left paint tins and brushes for Spencer. The carpet was covered with a sheet, and the walls were already taped.

Y/n walked over to the paint tin, opening it. "Winter Blue." She read off the label.

Spencer walked closer to verify what she was saying. "What?" He rhetorically asked once he saw the color. "Henry said he wanted it Lavender like my favorite." He pouted.

"Aww." Y/n cooed condescendingly, leaning up to place a kiss on his jutted-out lip. "Looks like he changed his mind."

They got started right away, picking up the brushes to paint. There was laughing and talking while they worked.

"The drawing near your bed, it was from Henry." Y/n guessed, thinking back to the picture with roughly drawn lavender hearts, smiley faces, and possibly a portrait of Spencer.

He confirmed her guess. "When I got shot in the leg, he drew it for me."

That was a new piece of information for her. "Is that when you got the sunshine mug, too?" Y/n asked.

Hesitantly, Spencer shook his head, unsure if that part of his life was too intimate to tell her. Then again, Y/n was the only person he had ever been completely honest with in his whole life. "Uh, no, I got it a little earlier." He admitted, his voice quietening. "From Penelope, when I was a year sober."

Y/n stopped what she was doing, turning to softly look at him. "Spence, I had no idea." She uttered, unsure of how she could have missed it.

He shrugged, pulling up his sleeve to show her the track marks on his inner elbow. He couldn't help the tears that had started falling. "Dilaudid. I got drugged the first couple of times, and I just keep, um, doing it a-after that."

She wasn't sure what to do, shifting closer to him so she could wipe his tears up. "You know, I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you," Spencer replied, lightly smiling at her.

She rested her chin on his shoulder, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she pulled him in for a hug. "You're so brave, Spencer." She told him, tightly holding him as his hands traveled to hold her back, and he tucked his chin into her neck.

"So you don't mind?" Spencer asked, a sob racking his body.

At hearing that, Y/n pulled back, holding a palm against his cheek. "There's nothing you could do to make me love you less." She told him before realizing what she'd said, something she'd never said, but she wasn't about to take it back. "And yes, I love you."

"I love you, too," Spencer replied, smiling more than he was crying.

"Tell me about one of the happy objects." Y/n requested, not wanting to have to see his tears. "Your glasses." She recalled.

Spencer smiled at that mention. "I read my first book with them." He told her. "I guess I, uh, k-kept them because my kids will have a genetic predisposition to bad eyesight, which is heavily influenced by genetics."

"You want kids?" Y/n asked, eyeing him suspiciously. It was probably too soon to be talking end game, but that didn't mean she couldn't envision it and bank the knowledge for later.

The same grin lit up his face. "Yeah, one day." Spencer didn't need to ask what she wanted. Even someone who didn't read body language could see how she relaxed upon hearing that, trying to hide her excitement with a nod.

It was a surprise trip for Spencer, arranged by Y/n when Emily told her the whole BAU team was getting a week off. She'd been thinking about it since he said something the night they met, a year and a half ago, so she knew it would be perfect. He was immediately excited when they got there, unable to stop smiling and kissing her face.

The log cabin in the middle of the secluded Pennsylvanian woods was the perfect place to spend the week. It was only one bedroom, but modern and warm inside.

The snow had just started falling, dusting the ground when they arrived that night.

"Let's go in the hot tub." She suggested, setting the suitcase down on the bed and opening it to find her bathing suit.

She threw Spencer his. "Yes, ma'am." He agreed with a joking address. He always had to have a witty comment, something she loved.

The view of the outside from the floor-to-ceiling window in the bedroom was nothing compared to being out there. The evergreen trees of the forest were covered in a light layer of white snow. It made the contrast between the dark wooden trunks more visible.

It wasn't difficult to believe they were the only people in the world.

When Y/n took the lid off the hot tub, Spencer turned to look at the pool. He tugged on her hand so she would pay attention.

Y/n already knew what he was thinking. "You'll freeze to death." She warned.

"Come with me." Spencer requested, not giving her time to think about it when he jumped in. Y/n sighed, stamping her foot up and down because she knew she was about to jump in. Even before he surfaced, she was diving in.

To say it was cold would be an understatement. It was freezing outside, even in a coat and pants. It was instantly bone-chilling, and Y/n wished she'd worn seven wetsuits instead of a bikini.

"You're crazy." She commented, her blood flowing slower as she emerged.

"Darling, you followed me in here." Spencer defended, chuckling in the hopes it would warm him up. It didn't.

Y/n hit in on the shoulder, her teeth already chattering. "It's romantic." She informed him, swimming over to wrap her arms around his neck.

Spencer laughed at her, leaning in to kiss her lips, which were quickly turning blue. "Okay, I think the hot tub is a good idea now."

Y/n couldn't agree quick enough, scrambling out of the chilly water. Spencer took her hand to make sure she didn't slip getting into the hot tub. He instantly relaxed once he got in, satisfactorily smiling over at her. She swam over to straddle his lap, looping her arms around his neck and hugging him. He held her just as tightly, stroking her back.

"Thank you for organizing this," Spencer whispered into her ear.

Y/n placed a kiss on his shoulder. "Anything for you."

"I really appreciate you." He continued, drawing little love hearts on her skin. "Putting up with me being in the BAU and everything that means. I know it can't be easy."

"Spence, it's not a burden to love you." She told him, pulling back so she could try to show him just how much she loved him. Not even a passionate kiss like the one she gave him showed the depth of her love. "You know when we first met?" She asked, tracing his cheekbones as he nodded. "And you said you wanted to get out of the city one day so you could properly see the stars?" She continued, with Spencer nodding in reply. "I brought your telescope." She admitted with a squeal.

Spencer grinned, kissing her with more teeth than lips. "I love you so much."

"Mmm, I know," Y/n mumbled, leaning back in to kiss him. "I want to know." She decided out of the blue.

Spencer raised his eyebrows at her. "The cards?" She nodded at that. "You know we have to break up after, right?"

Hitting him on the chest, Y/n shook her head. "Tell me."

"Then you'll know everything." Spencer realized, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear softly.

Y/n scoffed at that. "I doubt you'll ever be rid of surprises."

"It's not an incredibly interesting story." He prefaced, resting their noses together in an attempt to be as close to her as possible. "It was the first set of cards I ever got, and whenever I'm trying to work out a new trick, I use that pack."

Y/n intently listened to what he was saying. "No, I think you're boring now. We should probably break up." She decided.

Spencer laughed at that, moving his hands to tickle her sides until she was begging him to stop. Eventually, they got out, drying off and getting changed before she went to get his telescope. Spencer was lighting the outdoor fire when she got back, sitting on the outdoor furniture with a bottle of champagne and some snacks.

Y/n put it down, sitting next to Spencer and reaching out to pour them a glass of champagne each. "Where did you even get this?" She asked.

"I always travel with a bottle of champagne," Spencer replied, adjusting the telescope experimentally. "I'm kidding. It was already here." He looked over just to see her smiling. "Okay, look." He instructed, stopping the movement of the telescope.

Leaning down, she looked through the lens, only to find the same yellow-ish planet she'd seen almost two years ago. "It's bright." She noted, much brighter than when they were in the city. "It's our planet, you know?"

"It's the brightest it'll be for about 1.6 years." He told her, fidgeting with his fingers. "We should commemorate it."

Y/n hummed. "And how do we do that?"

Just like when he first kissed her, Spencer didn't think before he spoke. "I want to marry you."

That stopped her from looking at the stars, quickly looking at him to see how serious he was. "Yes." She agreed, all but jumping onto his lap to kiss him. She half knocked Spencer over out of surprise before he held her waist. The kiss was forceful, all the emotions surging through her. "Wait, are you asking or stating?" She asked once she pulled away.

"I mean, I don't have a ring or anything." Spencer realized, looking down at her ringless finger.

Y/n shook her head. "I don't need a ring." She told him, leaning in to kiss him for a second time. "Just you."

"I'll get you one, though," Spencer promised, holding up her hand to kiss it. "I've wanted something like this, something like you, my whole life." He declared.

"Hmm, me too." Y/n agreed. "And now I've got you." Once again, she placed their lips together, sealing their lives together more than any metal ring or diamond could.

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tobi-smp · 3 years

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c!Quackity canonically doesn’t fucking know about exile, he wants the revive book and that’s why he was torturing him.

Context: [Link 1, Link 2] And more specifically, this paragraph: "it was While he was trying to throw tommy in that prison that he was imprisoned himself. it was what he did to tommy that caused quackity and the warden to start torturing him. that’s Why it has narrative weight in the context of dream’s imprisonment arc, it’s what Lead to it, it’s a thematic through line that Keeps being reemphasized." [End transcription.]

I have no intention of arguing with people determined to boil quackity down to a one note villain, but this is a point that I've thought about a lot.

here's the truth that a lot of dream apologists don't like acknowledging: it's Both true that no one deserves to be tortured And that dream's actions lead him to the position that he's in now.

lets start from the beginning and work our way out shall we?

1: quackity is well aware of tommy's exile Actually. he doesn't know the extent of what happened, but dream forcing tommy's exile is Exactly what put him on the hit list. quackity Completely recognized that dream was bending l'manberg to his will, that he was being unfair. and it was Because of the power that he was exerting over l'manberg that quackity identified him as a threat (quackity wasn't there for the revolution, he didn't even know about the disc exchange until he was told).

nobody Made dream exile tommy, george hadn't even known that's what dream was trying to do and he'd accepted the probation as punishment enough at the time (there's a very good break down of george's involvement with the trial here [Link]). dream put a target on his own head by doing this, and he didn't care because he didn't see the new l'manberg cabinet as a threat.

2: dream's arrest was entirely his own fault, point blank. he didn't have to destroy l'manberg, he made the choice to because he didn't think anyone could stop him (and they couldn't at the time). he didn't have to commission a massive prison, he chose to, designing the living conditions and rules himself. he didn't have build an attachments museum and fill it with people's possessions (and skeppy) in order to try to control them, he Chose to do it. he didn't have to send tommy a message inviting him to confront him about the discs with tubbo at a specific place and time, he chose to do it. he didn't have to try to kill tubbo and imprison tommy (presumably Literally forever with the use of the revival book), he Chose To Do That.

dream would not have been arrested if he didn't go out of his way to do terrible things to people. he would not have been arrested if he didn't build the prison that held him.

3: quackity wasn't aware of everything that'd happened in exile, but he Is perfectly aware that something bad happened and he Is angry on tommy's behalf. he Canonically visited tommy, wherein he saw tommy's depression and suicide ideation first hand. He doesn't know what dream is Doing to tommy in exile, but he's well aware of tommy's Mental State in exile, and that dream was a factor in it somehow. [Link 1, Link 2]

then during doomsday dream chose to gloat to tommy on top of the obsidian grid, saying Unashamedly that he destroyed l'manberg because it was fun, that he never intended to stop hurting tommy because He was fun [Link]. quackity was there to hear that, he was there to mourn what dream had done, he comforted ghostbur tommy and tubbo in the aftermath, he told tommy not to trust anyone to protect him (poor advice considering how things would go down, but a clear indication that he Cared about tommy) [Link]

and then of course, the big one that gets its own bullet points

4a: quackity started torturing dream In Response To Tommy's Death, Undeniably So. even if you want to boil quackity down to a one note villain (which dream apologists are very prone to do) This Is Still True.

quackity Originally tried to convince sam to kill dream in the aftermath of tommy's death. no matter how you interpret quackity's motivations, it was sam's guilt Over having let tommy die that almost ended with dream dead (and it was sam's duty to keep dream alive For Tommy because he had the revival book that made him stop).

quackity Wanted Dream Dead before he wanted to take the revival book from him, and this was Explicitly in the aftermath of tommy's death. dream was kept alive during the disc war finale Solely because he had access to the revival book, that is the only reason why he is not already dead. quackity started torturing dream to get the book So That There'd Be No Reason To Keep Dream Alive Anymore. So That They Could Kill Him. and sam Let Him Do That Because Dream Murdered Tommy.

if dream hadn't killed tommy, if dream hadn't Explicitly told sam about how he'd abused tommy in exile, then sam would not have allowed quackity to break the rules. he would not have allowed quackity to Either murder or torture him. which means that dream's actions Lead To his torture Regardless of quackity's motivations.

4b: I'm actually tired of people pretending that quackity isn't deeply emotionally invested in the people that he cares about. quackity and tommy are Friends and have been since he joined the server. quackity was Deeply emotionally affected by tommy's death. we saw him react to the news, the hurt clear in his voice and the way that he shut down afterwards. [Link] we saw him try to Kill Dream in the aftermath of tommy's death. we saw him first overjoyed at tommy's revival and second Furious on tommy's behalf when tommy opened up to him about what he'd experienced.

quackity was There when dream was arrested, he was There when dream said he had the revival book. and yet he didn't do anything about it, made no indication of even wanting it, Until Tommy Had Been Killed. quackity is not a robot, he's not emotionless. he cares So Very Deeply about the people who are important to him, and it's ridiculous to me that some people deny this. that they deny that he went as far as he did with dream because he Cares about the people that dream hurt.

nobody deserves torture, but dream would not be in the position that he's in if he hadn't hurt people.

#dream smp #dreamwastaken #quackity #tommyinnit #awesamdude #exile arc #prison arc #torture #suicide ideation #death #c!dream critical #discourse #meta #long post

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sunshineistyping · 3 years

Note

OK but imagine maybe angst, idk- H!Moondrop and gn!reader being together, but reader doesn't like him smoking and said he'd cut down on it but didn't really and the reader getting sus of it, and kissing him to see whether they can taste the cigarette leftover hhhnghg♠️

You already know I had to feed the Moondrop simps again, be warned though this is a little more angsty then you asked for 😅

You Lied to Me

Pairings: Moondrop/Moon x GN!Reader

Au: Human AU

Warnings: Smoking, Angst, Brief Mentions of Cheating

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“Where were you?”

“At the park, why Love?”

“It’s ten at night, why on earth would you be there that late?”

“I just went for a walk, nothing serious.” Then he shrugged. He always did that and it pissed you off. It felt so...so dismissive. As if he didn’t care about your questions or your worries. Had he really been smoking again? You told him to stop doing that. You had a massive fight over it only a month ago, one that resulted in an ultimatum. It was you or the cigarettes. He swore that he’d stop. Yet you couldn’t shake that nagging feeling that he lied to you.

There wasn’t any particular reason you felt that way. At first everything was normal, but then he started taking walks because he couldn’t smoke. That was fine. You weren’t upset, at least you weren’t until he started disappearing for an hour or two every night. At first you thought the worst, maybe he was cheating on you? Though you doubted it. You’d sought advice from Sun who had only told you that Moon wasn’t the kind of guy to cheat. You believed him of course, he knew your boyfriend much longer then you had.

So for a while your fears settled, but that was before he started to have sweeter smelling breath. He very rarely used breath mints. So when he started coming home late at night with his cologne thicker and his breath sweeter you immediately started to worry. You ate yourself alive trying desperately not to say anything or push him and ask. You didn’t want to admit it. He wouldn’t choose cigarettes over you, right? He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. So today, finally, you would try to test it.

You walked over hesitantly, gently tugging on his leather. He looked down at you with a single eyebrow raised. Of course you leaned up, giving him a kiss. It was sweet at first and for a moment you were so exceedingly happy that it was all in your mind. That was until you could taste the almost ashy flavor of his mouth. You pulled away immediately. You wished. You wished you had been wrong.

“Really Apollo are you fucking serious?”

“What? You’re the one who kissed me sweet cheeks.”

“Don’t ‘sweet cheeks’ me asshole.”

“Woah, what’s with the aggression?”

“You went out smoking again, didn’t you.” You looked up defiantly into his eyes and for a moment you saw a pause of hesitation. That little bit of hesitation was all it took for your heart to snap in two.

“Seriously? You went out smoking every single night? Really? You did exactly what I asked you not to do?”

“Baby it’s not like that I-“

“I explicitly told you it was me or those cigarettes Apollo.”

“But Love-“

“Fucking save it! I told you never to smoke again and what did you do? You did the one thing I said not to fucking do!”

“It’s not that big of a deal! You’re being over dramatic!”

“Well its a big deal to me. You fucking lied to me! You lied to my face Apollo! You fucking promised me you’d stop! You knew that it worried me!”

“I didn’t ask for you to worry!”

“It’s my job because I love you!”

“Well I never asked for you to love me either!” Oh. You froze up, both staring at each other. The silence was deafening as you slowly stepped away from him and slid on your shoes.

“Wait, Darling I didn’t mean it like that-“

“Save it.” You shouldered past him and right out the front door, making your way to Roxannes tattoo shop. She lives right above it and you’re sure she’d let you in. You just can’t handle seeing Moon right now, you really can’t. Then and only then, as you were walking down the street at night. Did you finally let yourself cry.

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#moondrop x reader #angst #fnaf x reader #security breach x reader #fnaf au #human au #gender neutral insert #gender neutral reader

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danteinthedevildom · 3 years

Text

There's a Chat in OM where Satan shows concern over Beel because he saw Beel talking to himself, crouched down in the garden, which Beel later reveals to have been him talking to a very frail plant he found because Mammon told him that talking to flowers helps them grow.

And what I adore about this is that it shows things about the brothers involved that we don't always get to see in the main game, or that are sometimes overlooked for the funny hijinks.

- Beel notices incredibly small details. The flower is small and hidden enough that Satan initially thinks he's talking to himself. He doesn’t actually see the plant at all. And Beel is the tallest brother, so it's not as if his height would be any help to him noticing something on the ground that's small, hidden, and frail, especially when he’s doing a task like watering the garden. That’s just a job to be done, and most people would pay more attention to where the water’s going and how much there’s left to do than they would to each individual flower. He must have been paying genuinely close attention to his surroundings to even notice it to begin with.

- Beel's care for things extends even to nature. He talks to the plant because he wants to help it grow. It's just a small, dying flower, one of however many there are in the House’s garden; there’s no reason to fret over it when there’s probably plenty of other flowers around it, and maybe even flowers of the same species.

But Beel’s genuinely invested in bringing it back to health. He’s seen this tiny, sickly, insignificant flower, and his first thought is to make it better. It's why he later clarifies the situation to MC, asking for more help, because the flower hasn't shown any signs of improvement.

(Very quietly, it makes me wonder if part of the reason he does this is guilt. Maybe Beel just doesn’t like to see things that are dying.)

- Despite how the brothers act towards Mammon most of the time, Beel fully takes on his advice. He spends days talking to the flower because Mammon told him that's something that might work, and it's only when the flower hasn't gotten better that he seeks more help.

At no point did he question this advice. At no point did he think that the “scummy” second-born would say something stupid, or irrelevant, or unhelpful. Mammon told him to talk to the plant, and he so did.

He says that he asked because Mammon was nearby, but at any time he could have just walked right past him, found someone else, and asked them. He could have completely ignored the fact that Mammon was there - especially considering how little the brothers tend to think of his ideas, to begin with - and found someone “more competent”. But he didn’t.

Which means he genuinely has no issues turning to Mammon for help. He genuinely thinks Mammon can give competent advice.

Out of all the brothers, Beel is usually the best when it comes to their overall treatment of the second-born, so maybe that isn’t surprising - but he can be derisive as well.

So it's nice to see, in a situation where it was just the two of them, without the antagonising influence of the others, Beel show he's more than willing to listen to Mammon as a voice of authority and knowledge - especially over something he's worried about. He respects and trusts what Mammon says, and believes it.

- Mammon saw Beel worried over a plant - something small and insignificant that has no greater purpose in the world and hosts no real interest for either of them - and gave him the best genuine advice he could.

Mammon likely doesn't actually know how to care for sick plants, but wanted to try and give Beel something to work with. We know he cares for his brothers deeply - almost (if not exactly) to the point of self sacrifice - so it's not a stretch at all to say he probably suggested talking to the plant in full seriousness, hoping it would help Beel.

It's a common piece of advice, after all. I've heard people say it all the time, from the most amateur gardener to the most professional; talking to your plants keeps them happy and helps them grow.

The bit that really gets me about it, though, is the fact that Mammon... knew it? Out of all things, you'd expect him to care about gardening the least - and to suggest talking to a plant even less. It goes completely against his image, but not against what we know of Mammon as a kind and caring (as well as emotional) demon beneath the facade.

Him, in a similar position to Beel, crouched down low and out of sight to murmur quietly to a plant he thinks needs an extra boost, is well within the spectrum of things Mammon would do but deny doing if caught.

And I just think it's sweet, imagining him passing on advice he's used in the past over a similar thing he might have done to try and help his clearly worried little brother.

- Satan, in a chat with Solomon and MC, shows genuine care and concern towards Beel.

His first instinct is to ask MC and Solomon if they might know what’s going on. He’s noticed a pattern of behaviour that’s unusual for Beel - “sitting out in the garden, mumbling to himself”, to quote him directly - and once it’s gotten to a point that he’s worried, he asks if anyone else knows what’s wrong.

It shows a fair bit of forethought, too. Satan didn’t immediately assume something was up, didn’t immediately dogpile on Beel; he let it play out, keeping a close eye, until it went on for long enough that he thought it might be something bigger. He’s often shown as being thoughtful about how others might react to things (at least, when he’s not enraged), but it’s interesting to see the actual depth of not only his caring, but his understanding of emotional states and how to handle them.

Satan isn’t heartless. If he notices something wrong, he’s very likely to approach the person in question (or people he trusts) with his concerns in a very gentle manner explicitly to avoid overwhelming them. He actively cares enough to pay attention to the people around him, and to notice when someone starts acting differently.

This is especially sweet when it comes to Beel. The brothers have a tendency to treat Beel as the big, gentle giant who doesn’t have a worry in the world except for what he wants to eat. He’s quiet, complains little, and shoulders so many burdens in stride that they often overlook his struggles - if they’re even aware that they exist, because Beel loves his family so much he tries to avoid troubling them.

The fact, then, that Satan not only noticed, not only inquired about his health, but then - when Solomon and MC suggest that maybe Beel’s stressed out and bottling up his emotions - openly says this:

Just shows so much love. The game sometimes overlooks just how much Satan loves his family, but this? This shows it, without a doubt.

- Satan messages the chat with Solomon in it.

This surprised me when I went back to look over the conversation; I genuinely remembered it as him talking to Levi, for some reason. Beyond that, if you asked me who I thought it’d be that he questioned for information regarding Beel’s health, it wouldn’t be Solomon that immediately jumped to mind.

In this situation, you’d think it’d make more sense for him to ask MC and Asmo (who he’s shown to have a very close and affectionate relationship with), or maybe MC and Belphie (who would probably be the first demon anyone should go to regarding Beel, and who Satan definitely gets on with).

As far as I’ve seen - which, admittedly, I’m not caught up on any of the Human World events from the main game beyond spoilers I’ve looked up - there’s not a lot of, if any, interactions between Beel and Solomon? Most of them are Solomon trying to give Beel food, and Beel trying to foister that food off onto someone else because Solomon’s cooking is one of the few things he can’t stomach.

So maybe it says more about Satan’s relationship with Solomon. Looking back through the chats, Solomon feels comfortable enough with Satan to outright ask him if he’s kissed MC (in the chat where Luke overheard Satan and MC talking about K.I.S.S.), and Satan doesn’t react negatively even though it’s a genuinely personal question.

Likewise, Satan, when furious over one of his dramas, immediately turns to the chat with MC and Solomon in it. He explicitly states that he doesn’t know what to do with the feelings he’s got left over from the cliffhanger, and wants to talk it over with the two humans. Which is interesting in two ways:

+ It shows that Satan is comfortable enough when angry to go to Solomon and MC, confident that they won’t actively make it worse (which is always possible when it comes to Satan’s Wrath once it’s ignited).

+ It shows that Satan’s more than happy to talk about how he feels in front of Solomon, and actively engaging him in that discussion. Yes, it’s only over a drama, but you don’t often turn to someone you don’t trust when you want to vent over something you’re passionate about.

There’s a fair bit of trust between them, I think, regardless of how either of them are typically viewed. Plus, the chat’s called Cat (3). It’s almost definitely just a pun, but the fact that a chat with Solomon and MC in it is also named after the one thing that can soothe Satan from an outright rage (as we’ve seen both in OtakuFM and in the main game) is interesting in what it implies about their relationship with him.

So, back to what I originally pondered: why did he go to Solomon and MC when he was concerned about Beel, and not Belphie (Beel’s twin, most likely to know what he’s up to) or Asmo (who lives at the House and is absolutely more likely to have seen Beel in the garden)?

He trusts Solomon and MC enough to take the matter seriously, with discretion.

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me solomon

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matan4il · 2 years

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Regardless of factors surrounding it, what do you think of the cheating storyline and Buck lying to Taylor to move in with him disregarding Hen's final advice for him to tell Taylor about it?

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the ask!

If it’s OK, I do not want to address any asks about Buck’s cheating without referring to this post about Buck’s consent, because I do feel it influences my perception of the cheating. I do think we’re partly responsible for what we do even when we’re drunk, which is why, for example, if we drive while under the influence, we ARE legally responsible for whatever accidents that leads to.

However, Buck being pressured to drink more than he meant to due to Lucy, because she kept ordering him drinks (and like it’s not enough that we actually see that happen with the margarita, he said it explicitly, showing the writer of the scene had to be aware of this aspect), that puts the kiss in a different light for me. That’s in addition to the fact that even while inebriated, he didn’t initiate the kiss, he only kissed back. And he did pull away and put an end to it, bringing up his gf (we know he’s likely being truthful about this when talking to Hen, because he was a reliable narrator of events when he said Lucy was the one ordering drinks for him, which we saw, and also because it took him a moment, but he did own up to kissing her back). And lastly, he didn’t agree to Lucy’s obvious desire to have sex. I do wanna bring that last bit up, because we use the same word, cheating, for both things (kissing and sex), even though there’s a world of difference.

A kiss is one action, representing one wrong decision. It still matters, whether someone makes it, but it’s not the same as cheating by having sex. Sex is a series of actions, a series of wrong decisions, taken over a much longer period of time, with every moment of it, every action, being another opportunity for the cheater to stop. So if they don’t, if they go all the way, that’s a lot of moments, a lot of decisions, a lot of intimate actions, during which the cheater decided that they’re okay with betraying their partner’s trust. And even drunk, even in an unhappy r/s, that wasn’t Buck.

He also wanted to come clean. That was his first instinct, that he should tell Taylor. But he doesn’t eventually, and I think at the end of the day, that’s his bigger sin. That he didn’t confess and tell her what she deserved to know. That’s the bigger betrayal of trust. I can still sort of understand him. Buck is incredibly empathetic, he feels people’s pain deeply (remember in 110 when this guy was impersonating him online, causing hurt not just to a lot of women, but also to Buck himself? And then when they find the guy’s trailer, Buck was still capable of understanding that the man must have really suffered due to self-loathing. Buck’s friends mistrusted the kind of guy he is, his gf also didn’t believe him, so that catfishing could have cost him his r/s, and Buck still could feel empathy for the guy). He knows what the right thing to do is, he tried to do it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to inflict pain on another person. He absolutely betrayed Taylor’s trust by not telling her, by letting her agree to moving in without knowing what’s really going on, and now he’s going to have to be reminded of what he knows, what he told Eddie regarding Ana in 502: that sometimes it’s the greater kindness to end a r/s, to inflict some pain now, as much as he doesn’t want to, than to stall and cause more pain later.

So yeah, everything about this storyline hurts, but it’s a lesson Buck obviously needs to learn, and to figure out how he ended up there. I just wish they’d address the consent issue as well, while they’re at it.

Sorry for the length, Nonnie! And I hope that this reply helped! xoxox

(HEY, if it takes me a moment to reply to an ask, it's 'coz I'm juggling work overload and medical stuff. If I got it, I will reply to it! You can always check my ask tag. Thank you for understanding! xoxox)

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #911 #ask #anon ask #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Text

You Aren’t Somebody? (Bucky x Reader)

Bucky x reader

Word count: 2647

Summary: Bucky knows that the reader has struggled with an eating disorder before, but thought they were doing better. Little does he know, they had just gotten better at hiding it. Until one night, he catches her doing something she had promised she had stopped

Warnings: eating disorder, purging, angst, fluff

Tags @abitgryffindorky @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @buckfics @barnesplums @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @thundering-barnes

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s finals week and I am running on energy drinks, reading fanfiction, and longgggg hot showers. But the semester is almost over, and then I have no obligations aside from my hobbies. I see the requests and I’m working on them I promise! I have a list of all the requests that I get, and I am working through them I PROMISE!!! Thank you all for all of your support.

A/N 2: This deals with heavy and dark themes of mental illness. The specific warnings are above. If you feel that in any way reading this will be harmful to your mental health and your journey, PLEASE skip it. I write from my own experience and I know what I would’ve wanted to hear in these situations, and writing/reading fics helps me feel comforted. This fic is based on one experience more specifically than most of my fics, so I apologize if it’s not exactly the same as your experience. This is what I would’ve wanted to hear. If you need or want someone to talk to, vent to, or get advice from, feel free to message me, really. I’m here! <3

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Bucky was standing in front of you, blocking the door. His piercing blue eyes were locked on you, your own refusing to meet his.

He wanted answers that you were not ready to give.

“Y/n, please. I just want to talk about this”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Bucky.”

He looked you up and down. Your hair was in a messy bun, a few loose strands sticking to your tear stained cheeks. Your eyes were puffy, and your face was red, voice raspy. He took a deep breath. “You told me you would tell me if it was getting bad again.”

“You promised.”

You closed your eyes. He wasn’t wrong, you had promised. But that was because you never thought you’d see the day when you were purging again. You thought you had gotten over it. You really thought that this time you wouldn’t slip up.

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You had been struggling with an eating disorder for a while. The cause, you weren’t quite sure. An innocent diet soon turned into a competition for yourself, but the end goal was never there. At first you had thought it was just about the weight and how you looked, but then you found that some of your behavior patterns were tied to your emotional ones.

Stress was the major trigger, you had come to learn.

Whether it was a mission gone wrong, you getting injured, someone else getting injured, or even just basic social interactions you thought could’ve gone better, you found yourself inclined to comfort yourself with food.

Until you panicked, which would lead you to the bathroom with music blaring and water running to cover up the noises of your retching.

You hated it, and every time you told yourself it was the last time. But the more you did it, the more you felt the urge to do it. At first it was triggered by large stressors, but now smaller things could trigger you to want to throw up. You tried to keep it hidden, unaware of the true reasons for why you did it. You were able to help yourself sometimes, it wasn’t worth bringing anyone else into.

You couldn’t explain it to yourself, so how were you supposed to explain it to anybody?

The best way that you had figured out how to describe it was that whenever you felt a negative emotion, you could soothe it in a physical way with food, especially with all the warm comfort foods that are known. But at the same time, that feeling lasted as long as you could taste, and you would feel guilty as you felt full. When you threw up, it felt like you were also throwing up the negative emotions.

But when you said it out loud, it didn’t make sense. When people are sick and throwing up it’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings ever. Inducing it hurts sometimes, but it’s almost not as bad. Like you know it’s coming, and you’re in control of what’s happening and you could stop at any point. And there had been times where you could soothe yourself in other ways, and you knew your own physical limits. You knew when you had to stop for your own health.

Until you couldn’t stop.

Which is what led to you fainting on a mission after purging too much. Your electrolytes had bottomed out and you almost had a heart attack at an age no one should. Bucky, your boyfriend who was on the mission with you, had put it together when the first words out of your mouth upon gaining consciousness were “Is this a glucose drip?” while tugging at the IV.

He hadn’t been mad, not exactly. He wasn’t mad at you but he was furious with himself for not noticing, and for making you feel as though you couldn’t tell him. You assured him that you did trust him, but he wished you had come to him before you could’ve gotten yourself, and those on the mission, seriously hurt or killed.

Nonetheless, you still didn’t know how to talk about it.

“Can you try to tell me about it?” he asked gently, running a hand through your hair. He held you to his chest, you unable to meet his eyes.

“It won’t make any sense,” you had said, tears glazing your eyes.

“I want to understand. Can you help me understand?”

You paused for a moment. “It’s a long story and I don’t know where to start. There’s so much going wrong.” you had said, tears beginning to streak down your face.

“I have all the time for you. And it doesn’t have to make sense, these things rarely do. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to listen.”

And true to his word, he had. He had listened and held you while you tried to talk about what you could. He didn’t understand everything, he naturally had a ton of questions, but they weren’t for that moment. He had promised to help you the best that he could, and you had promised to try and tell him whenever you felt the urges get too strong. And if you couldn’t, to tell him after.

It was easier to talk to Bucky than anyone else. Not because he was your boyfriend, but because he seemed to understand you more than anyone else could. He had his own share of mental health struggles. Neither of you knew exactly what the other was going through, but you both understood that it was easy to feel alone and guilty even though you couldn’t control it.

It was rough, but he was never mad. He was sometimes firm, and sometimes you had gotten angry with him. Only to later apologize to him with tears in your eyes. He was never mad with you. He understood that this was something internal. Upon research he had done and conversations he had had with Bruce, he understood that this had nothing to do with him. Some people thought eating disorders were about getting attention when it was one of the furthest things from the truth.

All he could do was love you and be there for you.

And to your surprise, talking about it did help.it took a long time, months, of long and hard conversations, panic attacks, slip ups, and really dark days. But it got to the point where Bucky felt that you were doing better, making an effort to tell you how proud he was and how much he loved you.

And you were doing better, in a way. But you had been slipping up more recently, and you hadn’t told Bucky. You didn’t know how. After going the longest you’d ever had between slip ups, you found yourself retching over the toilet. You would have gone to Bucky but he had been away on a mission that was extended a few days. You couldn’t interrupt him because your feelings were too much to handle. People needed his help more than you did.

You were going to tell him, but he had been so tired when he had come back. He needed his time to relax, and it wasn’t the right time to tell him. And the next day when he was rested, you felt that it was irrelevant. Any negative feeling you had felt the day before had since past, and you didn’t see the point in bringing it up today. It would worry Bucky, he wouldn’t want to go on missions, and you weren’t going to do that to him. Besides, it was just one time.

Right?

You soon found yourself purging when Bucky wasn’t around. If he had gone out with Steve, if he was on a mission, or if he was down in the gym you found yourself taking more opportunities to give into your urges. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been, but you were spiraling. But at this point you had been slipping up so many times, you had been so secretive about it.

It would kill Bucky inside to know that you were hiding this from him again. He would feel like you didn’t trust him. You trusted him with your life.

You just didn’t want to let him down. Not again, not when he had explicitly told you to come to him and you had been blatantly ignoring that.

You wanted to tell him, you did. But you couldn’t let him being so proud of you be based on a lie.

One day you were hunched over the toilet, legs sahking and tears streaming down your face from exertion. Bucky was away on a mission, so you didn’t even bother with the music or the water. What you hadn’t anticipated was him coming back hours earlier than he should’ve

The mission had gone much more smoothly than anticipated, which everyone was happy about. Bucky was glad he would get a few more hours with you. He had gone up to your shared room and let himself in, surprised to see you weren’t there. But then he heard you coughing from behind a closed bathroom door.

He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. You had been doing so well, what had happened?

He walked over to the door, knocking on it and calling out your name. He heard you muffle a small fuck before he knocked again.

“Y/n please, let me in.”

He heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on, you on the other side washing your face. You could feel the tears from exertion be replaced by ones of shame and embarrassment, biting your lip slightly. What the fuck were you going to tell him?

When you finally turned off the water, you rubbed your face with a towel, sighing heavily into it. When you took it away, you looked long and hard at the doorknob.

Bucky sighed on the other side of the door. “Y/n please. I’m not mad. We’ve been here before, I just wanna talk to you.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, taking a breath before you made your expression nuetral and opened the door.

Bucky’s eyes immediately saddened when he took you in. your face was still red and there were tears in your eyes. You had tried to put up a front, he could tell that too. Sometimes you got angry with him because you didn’t want to be vulnerable. He was prepared because like he said - he’d helped you before.

Before he could say anything you crossed your arms. “You’re home early,” you said coldly.

“Y/n.”

“How’d the mission go? Well, I assume.” you tried to slip past Bucky but he was blocking the door.

Bucky took a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah, the mission went well.” He wanted to be gentle with you. “But how are you?”

You shrugged, trying to appear oblivious. “I’m fine,” voice wavering slightly as you looked away.

“Y/n please. You’re not fine. Can you tell me what happened?”

“The same thing that always happens” you said bitterly. “Something stupid comes up, I start feeling like shit about myself and I ignore it until I’m puking it up with everything else, alright? It’s the same story, different time, and now I have you looking at me all hurt just like I was worried about which is why I couldn’t tell you!” you exclaimed, eyes filled with anger and tears. Bucky looked at you as if you had just punched him in the face. He would’ve much preferred that you had.

“Y/n.”

You shook your head, trying to get through the door that he was blocking. “Bucky, just let me through the door, forget it.”

“Y/n just talk to me please, I -”

“JUST LET ME THROUGH THE GODDAMN DOOR.” You yelled, surprising Bucky. It had been a while since you had gotten this angry or defensive. But he stood his ground. Bucky was standing in front of you, blocking the door. His piercing blue eyes were locked on you, your own refusing to meet his.

He wanted answers that you were not ready to give.

“Y/n, please. I just want to talk about this”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Bucky,” you said, feeling tears threatening to spill over.

He took a deep breath. “You told me you would tell me if it was getting bad again.”

You closed your eyes and felt a pang in your stomach. “Bucky, I - “

“You promised,” he said, voice cracking.

You shook your head. “Why do I have to talk about this. It’s not like I’m hurting anybody”

“You’re hurting yourself, y/n.” he said calmly.

You shook your head and narrowed your eyes slightly, tears falling. “That’s different Bucky, you know it is.”

“You aren’t somebody?”

You looked at him for a moment before a sob escaped your body, leaning on the counter for support as you brought a hand to your mouth. Bucky quickly came up behind you and pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you. You started crying harder, embarrassed and ashamed.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t know how to tell you, I -”

“Hey it’s okay, it’s alright y/n, I’m here.” Bucky kept whispering reassurances in your ears, rubbing a hand up and down your back.

After some time passed, you didn’t know how long, you were able to calm down enough to take some shaky breaths, hiding your red face in Bucky’s chest.

“When did this start happening again?” he asked softly

“I don’t know… few weeks at least, not really sure.”

He took a breath, trying to stay calm. A few weeks and he hadn’t suspected anything, and you were alone. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were on a mission, I couldn’t interrupt that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when I got back?” he pressed gently.

“You were so tired Bucky - ”

“Y/n.” he said more firmly.

You paused for a moment, knowing he wouldn’t take those answers. If they were truly the reason then you would’ve told him the next day or the day after, as soon as the opportunity came. There was more to why you waited, and Bucky knew that.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” you whispered.

You heard Bucky sigh. He was angry with himself, for not being approachable to you. All he wanted was to make you feel safe enough to come to him, and to hear that you hadn’t because you thought he had expectations for you crushed him. “Y/n, I told you you could tell me about this. When have I ever been disappointed or angry with you?”

“You haven’t. You were just so proud and I - I didn’t want to ruin that for you. I didn’t want to tell you that you were proud of a lie.”

“Hey, hey look at me.” Hesitantly you looked up to meet his eyes. “None of this was you lying. You put in the hard work day after day, and I told you I was here to support you. But I never did the work for you. You did that. I’m proud of you and I always will be because you’re a fighter. It’s okay to have bad days, it’s okay to slip up. It’s okay to need a little help too, and that’s what I’m here for. A slip up doesn’t erase all the hard work you’ve put in before. I’m proud of you for the progress you’ve made, and of the work you put in. This doesn’t change anything sweetheart.”

He pulled you back into his chest.

“I’ll always be proud of you.”

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