#I know I go on about him being kind but it was genuinely such a revelation in the face of Hector being such a rat bastard

[prettyboykatsuki]

WHAT YOUR LOVE&DEEPSPACE MAIN LI SAYS ABOUT YOU

or what i would assume about you based on your favored LI. this post is not meant to be taken super seriously and is not meant to offend anyone 🙂‍↔️

its for fun!!! whether or not it applies to you Varies but itd be nice to know how accurate it was to you!

some notes: i play this game in cn and my characterization is influenced mostly from this. also i view the relationship between calebmc not as childhood friends but adopted siblings. i respect your interpretation so pls respect mine but it doesnt come up much in the post itself.

RAFAYEL

For most Raf stans, your interest in sassy and melodramatic men tends to have some history behind it. Whether that be in real life or in your other fictional men, you find yourself drawn to a specific kind of character type over and over, easily swayed by eccentric charm and large displays of emotion and grandeur. Perhaps as a result of needing convincing of the depths of someones devotion, rather then being swayed easily with words.

You may be the type of person that struggles to be with people who they don't have much in common with. The safety net of common ground, of someone who feels like a flirtatious friend at times and not a domestic partner, and the playfulness of the ultimately serious connection gives you a sense of quiet assurance and lets you breathe. Intimate relationships both friendship and otherwise can feel overwhelming.

You are especially conscious of your autonomy in relationships and hold a fear of losing yourself in love. The way Rafayel is able to navigate and subtly assure his commitment to you while also not always forcing you confront it brings you a sense of comfort no other LI really can.

You could be fearful about the idea of losing yourself in the act of loving someone else before you ever realize you're doing it. You may have a tendency to emotional extremes, though outwardly you seem ambivalent to most things. Internally though, the depth of your obsession and internalized longing for your partner genuinely inhibit you in your life for a period, in a way you have trouble articulating verbally. Engaging in wholehearted, sappy romance is something you struggle with and perhaps something you even feel embarrassed by.

You're not particularly avoidant of commitment, but the daunting idea of spending your life with someone scares you, even though it's something you truly want. Whether that be in lifestyle, viewpoint, or life experiences - you find catharsis in the (maybe misguided) belief that you could always go back to being friends and find yourself feeling very convinced of it. Having something aside from love tethering you brings you assurance, because for better or for worse - you aren't sure if love will be enough. Being Miss Bodyguard to Rafayel is something you like - as it feels more tangible a role than lover. It might even become a sore point in your relationship depending on how you go about it.

For Rafayel stans, a level of relatability and Rafayel's clever way of engaging your emotions and being considerate towards your expression is important to you. You might have a strong sense or fear of grounded reality and feel a slight envy towards Rafayel's freedom of expression even at his most frivolous or when you know he's acting. There's a also strong chance you are queer and a switch.

XAVIER

For Xavier stans, I think the poll is split evenly down the middle who like characters like him historically and people who were completely blindsided by their feelings for him. You might have a tendency towards anxiety and/or overthinking.

You are likely someone who tends to bottle up their emotions and resentment and may have a tendency to take things personally even if they are not directed at you specifically. It's likely you're capable and tenacious person in your career but struggle with recognizing your emotional needs.

The main driving point for you and Xavier is his loyalty. Above both devotion and obsession - you're drawn to the assured quality of his emotions that seems to reach past something tangible, but never fully undermines your capability. You may take preference to Xavier to Caleb explicitly for this reason.

It's likely you also enjoy the comfortable, natural element to Xaviers romance. A bluntness followed with irrefutable proof of affection is comforting - as it doesn't feel forced and does not need to be asked for. It may be that you're somewhat prone to feeling like partners should be able to read your mind, and find yourself harboring some resentment when they cannot. This may be especially true as you see yourself as being less of a 'needy' partner and find that blow especially tough.

You could have had the type of childhood that required a lot of sacrifice. Not necessarily a big, traumatic incident but a small series of sacrifices that accumulated over a lifetime that influence your way of thinking in relationships. You're somewhat adverse to the feeling of needing someone because of how you've developed your autonomy. Being the one to 'chase' might be something you avoid, or something you'd prefer to be relieved of after doing it most of your life in other areas. I think there's a strong overlap between Xavier fans and middle children / only children.

As a LI, Xavier will always have you and being with you, at the forefront of his priorities, almost to the point of absurdity but without feeling intentional. There's an ease and effortless that comforts you - as if love is the one thing you think it'd be nice not to work hard at. He's the love interest that most strongly expresses his monopoly over you regardless of consequence and morals.

You may be reluctant to admit that you like these things and may feel a sense of guilt over how much you indulge or enable his desire to monopolize you so completely. Even though you know logically it's not anything bad. You may also have a tendency to get easily attached to people who show you genuine kindness even when it's to your own detriment. It's surprisingly easy for small acts of kindness and relief tend to move you more deeply then anything.

For Xavier stans, the fact he prioritizes you without second guessing himself makes it difficult for you to second-guess him either. Struggling to reconcile your needs, you appreciate that Xavier meets them silently on his own and often subtlety that protects your pride. That and his ability to do it all without making it seem like a labor. Comforted by his certainty that does not require you to express your own vulnerability often.

ZAYNE

For Zayne stans - it's perhaps undeniable that one of the main draws of his character is the sort of perfection and stability he provides to your life. He upholds a gentle, considerate demeanor while being able to make choices and decisions without hesitating. It's likely that he is a character type that's shown up in your history at some other time, though in respect to what specific aspect might vary.

You are likely someone who struggles with a sense of loneliness, regardless of how many people you have in your immediate circle and in your life. It's not from a lacking gratitude, but rather - a tendency to never quite show your hand when it comes to intimate relationships. You might be someone who has had to learn to navigate social situations as a means of survival - choosing to front with many different masks to accommodate for each group. You often have a hyper-vigilance towards you and a sensitive intuition about people.

While there is the assumption (and some merit in that assumption) that most Zayne mains are attracted to his sense of responsibility - it's more likely what you're attracted to the feeling of acceptance Zayne offers. What that acceptance is of specifically may vary, whether it be an acceptance of your neediness or of your childishness or just your general authentic self. Beyond simple honesty, it's the understanding that your presence is wanted regardless of what it looks like.

You may have had a childhood that came with high expectations of you and a pressure to behave/perform that you found difficult to withstand. As an adult, you may carry these expectations still and critique yourself harshly when you are unable to meet them. It makes the blow feel especially harsh when you fail at something.

Additionally, it's possible you have a strained relationship with authority figures in your life. Whether it be parentification, general incompetence, or neglect - some circumstances have given you a certain pessimism and a sustained yet strong belief that relying on another person is not possible, though you long to do so.

It's likely that the trust and rapport Zayne provides innately is the biggest comfort you receive from his character. Not only is he trustworthy in the literal sense, but he's consistent in proving himself with actions and emotionally trustworthy without fail.

You may also see and recognize Zayne's struggles within yourself, and are attracted to the idea of partnership with him because the relationship would be on equal footing. You may have had past relationships where you accepted less then you deserved as a result of mentioned loneliness and need for companionship. You might find yourself attracting partners who need to be taken care over partners with their own autonomy as you find it hard to relinquish control despite your desire to do just that.

For Zayne stans, rather than the surface level need for stability - you are attracted to the feeling true partnership in his romance. A person that is both dependable, capable and understanding. Zayne speaks to the desire you have for a true companion - not necessarily out of monopoly, but a deep and answer to an almost cosmic loneliness from years of struggling all on your own.

SYLUS

For Sylus stans, it's likely true that you were at least somewhat attracted to Sylus' character on the surface - even before developing a more refined understanding of his character. You might have a preference of villains or other types of characters with an outcast quality to them or some kind of habitual vigilantism.

You enjoy, generally, being the exception to the rule when it comes to characters you like. Rather then a character who tends to form relationships and connections easily - you prefer being the person 'chosen' in a matter of speaking. You may have a history with being socially outcast / abrasive and find yourself less drawn to characters who are too expressly friendly with everyone, though you yourself tend to be amiable.

You likely have a strong sense of identity perhaps at the price of your social life and capital, and a strong commitment to authenticity that comes at the cost of receiving ire from people you consider friends and foes alike. As a result, you also find yourself somewhat overly forgiving and take betrayal extremely personally as deep intimate relationships are difficult to form as few people also fit the criteria of your values. You might be prone to sensitivity and feelings of hurt, while being almost too lenient with those you love and care for as a result.

The initial enemies-to-lovers part of Sylus' romance may appeal to you, but more then that its the gradual deepening of the relationship that you find classically romantic. As opposed to being seen at your worst, its knowing that Sylus is capable of always seeing exactly who you are no matter how you may appear in front of him that calls to you most. Not only that but loving you for it.

You have a history of being misunderstood or having your intentions misconstrued as a result of how you choose to navigate the world while staying true to your values. Sylus demonstrating continuously that no matter the circumstances, he understands you with ease is a large part of his appeal. In addition - you may be someone who struggles to express their emotions verbally without feeling a sense of embarrassment.

You have a tendency to use actions or gifts or other more tangible means to show your love - but directness tends to weaken your resolve and feels especially charming when being pursued romantically. Sylus being able to communicate his emotions to you concisely and without irony - as well without needing your interpretation speaks to you. Rather then needing to read his intentions, you can trust in his honesty and in his commitment. Of course this is backed-up with actions, but more than anything - you need to be assured verbally and directly.

You might've struggled with having a guardian (perhaps specifically a mother figure) that was passive aggressive. You have a tendency towards anxiety and catastrophizing under duress - and as a result find Sylus' consistent calmness appealing even in moments it should bother you to see him act that way. His assuredness feels almost medicinal in that sense.

For Sylus stans, its not only his sense of devotion but the extent of it - the ways in which he commits to understanding you, honoring your choices, and making the effort to do it continually and without expectation. His romance provides a specific kind of clarity and has a more soothing quality, someone that assures you that you can make it out of anything unscathed - no matter how big or small.

CALEB

For Caleb stans, some of your preferences and your reasoning will depend on which view you choose to see the relationship that Caleb and MC shares. Regardless though, there's a strong likelihood that the type of character Caleb is, is one you have somewhere else in your history for one reason or another.

There is a distinct feeling of wish fulfillment when it comes to your view or interest in Caleb as a love interest - and there might even be a distinct degree of separation between your interest in him and how much you view MC to be yourself as a result of the nature of his romance.

It's possible you have a strong sense of detachment or compartmentalization when it comes to your own emotions. Or find them so intense at times it gets difficult to hold relationships comfortably. As well as a strong feeling of emotional invulnerability that can seem ironic when considering Caleb as a love interest. However, it's explicitly the exclusivity and the appeal that Caleb holds - the 'special' foundation of his relationship that draws you in

Regardless of which interpretation of the game you choose, there's no doubt that Caleb is a character that builds a lifetime of rapport in his romance that influences his level of fierce protectiveness. It's likely you had a difficult childhood and home life - one that forced you to grow up sooner and made your youth primarily focused on escaping. It's possible you felt both much older then your peers while also feeling emotionally stunted when it came to your romantic relationships as an adult.

It's likely you find navigating vulnerability challenging - either because you're concerned with being too much when expressing your emotions sincerely, or because the very thought of doing so is rather foreign in general. Regardless on which side of the coin you fall on, you take comfort in the act of being loved almost forcibly.

Difficult to anger, quick to forgive, and always overwhelmingly willing to coddle even your smallest incidents - Caleb's romance provides a love that demands nothing of you in any capacity and exists as a sounding board for your emotions. You may be the type of person who struggles deeply to care for themselves even at their most healed.

It's possible you prefer love to be treated as an avenue of destiny and inevitability, something infallible and absolute and unchanging. You might be a bit of a romantic or a person with a strong inclination towards daydreaming, but you find this part of yourself in earnest a bit difficult to face with honesty. There's perhaps nothing so difficult as the admittance you want to be loved so much, though it's a theme that appears repeatedly in your life.

For Caleb stans, the main draw is in a way the choicelessness of the affection he shows. There's an almost overbearing quality to his love that makes it inescapable - and this both serves you and reassures you that there is no right or wrong way to make him leave. Caleb might exist more than anything as an answer to abandonment wounds in your adolescence, a hero even at his worst.

[cuntycompost]

Genuine question, how could something like this be undone?

I mean obviously that level of *heavy* socialisation and internalising is pretty hard to do anything about, and I’m not going to spend all my spoons trying to “fix him” on the wrong guys but like..

Idk, I’m reminded of my grandfather(/Nana’s partner) a lot in conversations like these - he grew up in a really sexist “you have to be a strong man with no feelings”/“the only thing that matters is your work ethic” environment, but at his core is really sweet. As an adult he fell for my Nana, who is Very Much Empathy First and is essentially the matriarch of my extended family (on her/my Mum’s side).

Over the years I’ve watched him deal with those internalised ideas being challenged (ie: my Nana letting us live with them when we were older teens getting into work “because that’s what family does”, & him having to face that worldview after growing up in a place where that was *not* what family did)

He’s not exactly the same ‘kind of guy’ described here, he’s very loving and never took on the idea of viewing women as objects (only men, lol) - but my point I guess is that growing up with him has taught me that people can tackle these ideas, and changes can be made.

Idk. I spent a day once at this socialist men’s group (they were at an event I was at, but I’m unfortunately not able to attend their regular meetings) and they/we were talking about little ways to challenge men who were making sexist comments about women (bc challenging that with them, as men, can unfortunately mean they’re more likely to listen to you and has been proven by a few of us to lead to introspection and change from them)

But I wonder about these more wide-spanning worldviews,, what would be an effective way of challenging that with men without having to bring out a lot of words and ideas they’re not already aware of?

I guess some little things like “what, so if you met the coolest woman you’ve ever met, but they took a photo of their food, you wouldn’t want to get to know them?” and/or something like “why women with [descriptor] specifically?” to encourage them to think a bit more on it could be a start?

But then for the second one I feel like the response would be something like “cause they’re all selfish” or “[some other nebulous idea they don’t really understand, calling them feminists or leftists or something]” and idrk what the best response to that would be.

Idk, I hate seeing shit like this. My circle of friends is mostly queer and anarchist or socialist, but I’m a guy (trans FTM, but generally pass) and sometimes straight men talk to me (ie at work). I really want to use that position to try and help these guys challenge their worldview, but the problem is that they have so little words or understanding that it’s hard to know how to get shit through.

For lack of a better phrase - Men are Stupid

Does anyone have any advice or ideas on how someone in my position (or generally!) can get through to them?/how to talk about these things to people who lack prior understanding of how the patriarchy works etc.?

Obviously so many men are just fucked and genuinely evil, but the people I talk to are college aged(usually 17 or 18-early 20s), deciding on what their worldview will be going forward (and open to input from people around them), and often… unfortunately… getting a lot of disgusting new ideas from online gurus🤮

The longer I exist as a loudly proudly gay man the more I think that cishet men aren't actually attracted to women.

[neeeooon]

i think otoya is the kind of person who is aware that he is capable of changing his ways with girls when he finds the “one”, but he’s never truly believed in that. but when when like a girl transfers it’s quite literally love at first sight and he wants to change for her. you can decide whether she gets with him or not, thanks so muchh !! ^^

aww yes i love this idea tysm!!

love of my dreams

otoya eita x fem!reader. ft. karasu and yukimiya. love at first sight. fluff, crack, otoya is a bit weird at the start, cussing, slight death/kms joke at the end. wc: 810

“fuck.”

otoya just told karasu and yukimiya how much he liked his bachelor life. how he wasn’t ready to change. to settle down.

and then you just had to walk through those damn doors.

“fuck.”

you had a guide at your side, telling otoya you were a transfer student. his eyes were glued on you, and every step you took, unable to tear his gaze away. he wanted to know your name, where you transferred from, and what you were studying. probably something similar to him, as you were being toured through his building.

a sharp jab caused him to curse again, and otoya shot a glare at karasu and the cheap plastic butter knife he’d been stabbed with. “yer staring.”

“of course i’m staring. i’m in love.”

“you don’t do love,” yukimiya chimed with a snicker before shoving a forkful of salad into his mouth. “that’s your whole thing.”

otoya didn’t want it to be his whole thing anymore—not after seeing you.

he continued to think about you through the rest of his lunch, then his classes, his drive home, and even while he was texting yukimiya for answers to their finance homework. he didn't believe in love at first sight, at least he didn't think he did. you changed that so quick, otoya was still reeling six hours later.

otoya: i need her number

otoya: pls be my spies pls pls pls

karasu: i never thought i'd see down bad otoya like for real and not just to get pussy

otoya: is that a yes

karasu: for all we know she has a boyfriend

yukimiya: or a girlfriend

otoya: GODDDD IM GOING INSANE I NEED HER SO BAD

otoya: she's the one for me. i'm done. no more playboy otoya.

yukimiya: if you're serious. REALLY SERIOUS. i'll help

karasu: same ig

otoya: there's a special place in blowjob heaven for you two 🙏

and two days later, with the help of yukimiya and karasu, otoya had intel. they also told him you had a gap in your schedule and ate lunch by yourself in the dining hall.

and when otoya saw you? he was nervous.

your hair was pulled away from your face, the eraser-end of your pencil tapping your lips as you concentrated so hard on your homework that a delicate crease formed between your brows. otoya wanted to smooth it out with his thumb and kiss the spot instead.

shaking his head, his grip tightened around his sandwich as he slowly approached you. when you looked up, otoya felt his face grow hot. "sorry to bother you. is this seat taken?"

you rapidly shook your head and gestured to the chair. "no, no, you can take it! just make sure you put it back—"

"i mean, is it okay if i sit here?" he quickly cut off with a small grin, his chest fluttering when you blushed in embarrassment.

you dropped your pencil to hide your face in your hands. "oh my god, i'm so... yeah, yes, you can sit here." shaking your hands out to release some of the stress, you flashed a bright smile. "i'm y/n."

“otoya,” he greeted casually, as if a flock of butterflies didn’t make a home in his stomach.

you repeated his name quietly to yourself before nodding. “i think i’ve seen you in this building before. what are you majoring in?”

when he told you, your eyes lit up so brightly that otoya swore they glittered. “no way! me too! weird that we don’t have any classes together, though. maybe next semester!”

the rest of the time spent before your next class was filled with the two of you talking. otoya thought he'd fail at the genuine small talk thing since he didn't want to use any of his usual lines on you, but he was surprised at how easy it was. whenever he got quiet, you were right there to pick up where he left off.

"this might be too soon," otoya started as he walked you to your class. "but would you want to hang out again tomorrow?"

your smile faltered slightly, and otoya was ready to jump over the rail and fall to the first floor. it wasn't too far down, so he probably wouldn't die, but if he hobbled in front of a truck right after—

"i don't have this class tomorrow," you explained gently. "but would thursday work instead?"

fireworks exploded behind otoya's eyes, along with the relief of no longer needing to die. he readjusted his grip on his bag strap and flashed you a slow grin. "thursday works. same spot as today?"

you beamed. "yep! oh, and here's my number, in case i'm late or we have to reschedule!"

otoya knew, as you entered your name into his phone with a cute emoji, that he would eventually die a happy man.

[blueberrisdove-sideblog2]

It was a peaceful afternoon when you decided to bake something sweet for the two of you. The house was filled with the warm scent of freshly baked cupcakes, their colorful frosting so pretty that it almost felt like a work of art. You carefully arranged them on a platter, eager to surprise Mydei with your homemade treat. The moment he stepped into the kitchen, his eyes lit up, and his usual serious demeanor softened at the sight of the cupcakes.

"Mydei, look! I made these just for you!" you said, your voice full of excitement, offering him a cupcake. His intense, piercing gaze flickered to the plate, and for a moment, you could have sworn he was going to smirk. Instead, he gave you a nod, accepting the cupcake from your hand with a gentle, almost reverent touch. "You made them? How could I refuse, my love?" His words were soft, but you could hear the slight edge of mischief in his tone, though you didn’t catch it at first.

As he took a bite, his expression shifted ever so slightly, but he quickly masked it with an exaggerated smile. You couldn’t help but notice his eyes narrow a little, but he chewed with purpose, swallowing the mouthful as though he was savoring every second. "It’s... quite delicious," he murmured, his voice smooth as he wiped a little frosting from his lips with his thumb. You beamed at the compliment, feeling your heart swell with pride. He was always so kind to you, even when things weren’t perfect.

Yet, as he took another bite, it was clear something was off. His face twitched slightly, and his brows furrowed ever so slightly. Still, he didn’t let it show fully. "Truly, love, your baking skills never cease to amaze me," he continued, his tone low and smooth. But you caught the slight grimace he tried to hide as he chewed, his gaze a bit unfocused. You tilted your head, wondering if he was really enjoying it or just being kind.

"Mydei," you said, a mischievous grin tugging at your lips, "you’re not hiding it well. You don’t have to pretend you like it." He paused, the cupcake halfway to his mouth. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and in that instant, you could see the battle waging within him. He was trying so hard to mask his discomfort, but the way his jaw clenched betrayed him. Still, he forced a smile, leaning toward you. "It’s not about the taste, my love. It’s about the effort," he replied, sounding a little too rehearsed.

Finally, he took another large bite, swallowing slowly as though it was some kind of punishment. You watched him closely, barely able to contain your laughter at how he was clearly suffering. But Mydei, ever the stoic one, managed to maintain his composure, his eyes locking with yours. "I think I’ve found a new appreciation for your… unique baking style," he said with a grin, though you could tell he was struggling. "I am truly honored, my dear." You bit your lip, trying not to burst into laughter, knowing just how much he was pushing himself to make you happy.

"Sweetie," you said teasingly, reaching out to gently stroke his cheek, "you don't have to keep eating them. I know they’re not the best, but you can stop pretending now." Mydei’s intense gaze softened, and his lips curled into a small, genuine smile. "Only for you," he murmured, finally setting the half-eaten cupcake down on the counter. He pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you. "I will always endure any hardship, just to see you smile, my love." You chuckled softly, resting your head against his chest, feeling the warmth of his embrace. Despite the cupcake disaster, there was no place you'd rather be than in his arms, knowing he’d do anything to make you happy.

[absurdthirst]

The Last Part of Him {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 19.2k

Warnings: Flirting/Courting, Joel's a little confused, Flirting through food, dates, feelings of inadequacy, oral sex (male and female receiving) premature ejaculation, shame, fleeing the scene of the crime, public blowjobs, mentions of infertility, sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, Joel being sexy when he's confident, relationship issues, miscommunication, five year flash forward, mentions of illness, canon events, pregnancy.

Comments: When Joel and Ellie come to Jackson, you are instantly attracted to the gruff and slightly solitary man. Chasing him down until you become interwoven in his life.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Joel sighs as he looks around the house, full of mismatched furniture and remnants  from long dead owners who perished during the outbreak. Joel feels a little awkward touching anything, the space doesn't feel like his, but since he and Ellie returned from Colorado, he is desperate to settle down. He doesn't know how to. It's been twenty years of fighting to stay alive and all of a sudden he doesn't need to fight for his meal, it's provided. He doesn't need to try to stay warm, he has a fireplace and space heaters. He doesn't have to just survive. It's hard to shake old habits so the residents of Jackson are skittish when he's around, dark eyes full of the battles he fought over the years and that makes them nervous, scared that he's going to snap. Ellie has settled in like a duck to water, meeting the other teenagers despite her initial apprehension, and Joel is happy to see that. It confirms that he made the right choice to save her. Picking up the coffee cup, Joel falls back into the chair at the kitchen table. He doesn't have to survive anymore...he can live. He stares at the cup until there's a knock on the door. His heart pounds and the instinct to grab his gun is there but he slowly makes his way to the door, opening it to find you standing there. "Uh, can I help you?" He asks, taken back by the pretty young thing on his doorstep holding a basket of what looks like muffins.

You shift nervously, smiling at the handsome newcomer to Jackson. Not exactly new since he and the girl were here for a few days several months ago, but they are back to stay. You’ve met the girl, Ellie, and she’s nice, if not a little abrasive. Joel, though, you’ve only seen him in passing and you wanted to introduce yourself to Tommy’s older brother. Your name comes out of your mouth, almost hesitantly and you could kick yourself for nearly stuttering because of an attractive set of brown eyes and silver threaded hair. “Wanted to introduce myself and welcome you to Jackson.” You offer, holding up the basket. “Hope you like blackberries?” You ask. “I’ve got a greenhouse in my backyard. Blackberries are abundant this year so far.” You’re rambling so you clamp your mouth shut. “Made them myself.”

Joel hates that his immediate reaction is suspicion but what can he do? He raises his eyebrows, watching you shift from one foot to the other, biting your lower lip like he’s gonna shove the muffins on the floor. “I, uh, thanks.” He says, brow still furrowed but he musters a smile for you. “You didn’t have to do that.” He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, “they, uh, they look good. Thanks.” He adds again, not sure how to act when faced with genuine kindness.

“We’ve grown our wheat fresh.” You offer, knowing that some have voiced concern about eating flour when they first arrived. “No old stores. Not that they would have survived twenty years anyway.” You hate how stupid you sound, especially because he’s more attractive up close than he had been walking the streets, an unapproachable scowl on his face. “So you know, it’s safe to eat.”

You’re nervous and he has no idea why except maybe his reputation has preceded him in Jackson. He knows that the people are wary of him and don’t know who exactly he is. “Thanks. I, uh, I don’t remember the last time I ate a muffin.”

God, he’s sexy. You swallow down a slight giggle, wondering if you are just horny because of lack of selection. “Well I promise you’ll love my muffins.” You don’t even think about how it will sound until it’s out of your mouth and Joel’s brow twitches slightly. “So, uh, welcome to Jackson, neighbor.” You offer, even if you don’t live nearby. Because you’re single, you live in an apartment.

Joel nods, still cautious and confused as you offer him a little wave and he frowns when his thought is “how cute.” He doesn’t think of anything as cute, not since Sarah would cuddle her teddy bear when she fell asleep. He sighs, shutting the door when you bounce off the porch and he looks down at the muffin, picking one up to take a big bite out and groans, “fuck, those are good.” He mutters to himself as he strides into the kitchen just as Ellie comes through the front door, shrugging off her jacket, and she strides into the kitchen to see Joel with a muffin in his hand. “Muffins?” She guesses even though she only saw them in books. Baked goods were really a common commodity in the QZ. Joel nods, “neighbor brought them over.” He explains after he swallows and Ellie eagerly grabs one, “fuck yeah.” She declares, taking a big bite and she groans at the taste. Joel looks at the muffin in his hand, thinking about the pretty woman who made them for him. She won’t be back…she will realize he’s not someone you want as your neighbor.

You don’t hear anything back from him, although it’s to be expected. You didn’t exactly tell him where to find you. You had hoped that he would ask around, maybe using the basket as an excuse to track you down. Still, you see Ellie around town for the next few days and spot Joel once or twice, but he’s always talking to Tommy and Maria, obviously discussing something serious. You don’t see him at dinner in the dining hall though. Making you decide that the perfect excuse to visit again would be dropping off the casserole you had made. Calling yourself an idiot as you once again wait on the porch for someone to answer the door.

Joel adjusts the reading glasses that were gifted to him by Tommy as a joke for being officially an old man but he has found himself reluctantly reaching for them for reading things. He makes his way to the front door, wondering if Ellie forgot her keys and he is surprised when he sees you standing there. “Uh, hi.” He says your name, stomach twisting at the sight of you.

You can’t help but grin, a silly little happy grin because he remembered your name. “Hi.” He doesn’t open the door wider, doesn’t offer to let you come inside. Still guarded and there’s confusion in his eyes. Making you wonder when the last time he had someone just be nice to him. “I never see you in the dining hall.” You announce. “Maybe you don’t like crowds? Or people?” You chuckle slightly but he just looks at you, his eyes heavy on you and you shift. “Anyway, I, uh, I made this casserole.” You love a good, hearty casserole. It’s comforting and warming, reminding you of better times. “For you.” You add. “The casserole is for you. And Ellie.”

Joel looks down at the dish in your hand, eyebrows raising slightly, “I, uh, I still have your other basket.” He remembers, scratching his jaw, “do you - Ellie is out and I ain’t really lookin’ forward to eatin’ alone. You wanna come in and have some of this?” He asks, not wanting to be alone despite that being selfish.

“Y-yeah.” You nod, heart pounding at the unsure look on his face. As if he was expecting you to say no. “I’d like that. I don’t like eating alone either.” You shrug slightly. “Unless I’m pissed at the world and don’t want to talk.” You admit with a roll of your eyes. “Because for some reason, people can’t just sit with you and not talk.”

Joel snorts, nodding his head, “Ellie never shuts up.” He confesses, making you chuckle as you follow him into the house after he turns and makes his way into the house he’s still trying to be comfortable enough in to call home. “You want a beer?” He asks, thankful Tommy brought them over today and he’s had them cooling since they arrived.

“Sure.” You set the casserole down on the counter when he guides you into the kitchen. It’s nice, the old appliances are still sitting on the counters although they look like they haven’t been used. Except for the coffee maker. It still holds a cup of coffee in the carafe from where he had made some this morning. “What was the old saying? ‘It’s five o’clock somewhere.’ Well, it’s past five now, so I think we are good and I’m not going on a recon tomorrow.”

He frowns, trying to figure out where the plates are. He hasn’t memorized the kitchen set up just yet so he opens a few cabinets before he finds them. He sets them down on the table and quickly locates the silverware. “It smells really good.” He compliments you, wanting you to know he appreciates this, even if he can’t really express it.

“Thanks.” You watch him stumble around his own kitchen, now looking for cups and you tilt your head before you move to arrange the plates in front of the chairs. “You know, you should really reorganize the kitchen how you want it.” You suggest. “It’s your house now. Not like the old owners are going to be upset.”

Joel pauses at your words, surprised you observed him like you did. He feels a little exposed and he finds the cups. After setting them down, he opens the fridge to pull out two beers. “I haven’t been here long.” He reveals even though you know that, “I don’t remember the last time I had a kitchen like this.”

“You’ll get used to it faster than you believe possible.” You promise as you move to shift the casserole to the table in the middle. “It’s honestly nice, trying to rebuild a little bit of the past. Maybe improve it.”

He shifts to sit down, watching you as you take the seat opposite him, and he remembers he’s wearing the glasses. He reaches up to take them off, folding them, and he reaches for the serving spoon at the same time as you. When your fingers brush his, his heart flutters in his chest. “You first.” He insists, handing you the spoon.

It’s almost a shame that he took off his glasses. It gave him an almost scholarly appearance, although without him, he’s just hot. He even has manners, which makes you smile as you dip out a portion and turn the spoon around towards him. “Thank you.” You murmur.

He serves himself and lifts his full cup after pouring the beers out. “Thanks for dinner.” He murmurs, taking a sip of the beer that’s the equivalent to Michelob Ultra. Basically water but in these times beggars can’t be choosers. He sets his beer down and picks up the spoon, taking his first bite, and he groans at the taste of your cooking.

You hope that’s a good groan and not one that means he hates it. You take a bite yourself and feel like it’s good. It has to be, because Joel digs in a little faster. Not hunched over his food like some do, but the scrape of the spoon is quicker than yours. Smiling, you reach for your beer and take a sip.

He’s not used to eating slowly. He’s used to eating to survive and he is still in that habit. Shoving food in until he sees your eyes and he slows down. He swallows his bite, knowing he should say something. “It’s really good.” He gestures his spoon towards the food.

“I’m glad you like it.” He sounds gruff, but you think that’s just the way he talks. You don’t take offense to it. “Because there’s enough for leftovers.” You crack a grin and look around. “And I don’t see any evidence of sneaking one of the dogs home.” You joke. The dogs are trained to sniff out infected, treated well, but definitely not allowed to be kept as pets.

He chuckles for a moment, setting his spoon down, “the dogs would definitely love your cooking. Ellie, uh, she really liked the muffins. Kid ain’t had one because of the outbreak and the QZ didn’t exactly have a Panera.” He jokes quietly.

“I couldn’t imagine they did.” You like the fact that he can make a joke. The little half smile that curves his lips makes you want to see a full one. “Although coffee would be the most important thing to me.” You admit. “Nothing better than a cup of hot coffee, especially first thing in the morning.”

He nods, “absolutely. One thing I missed all those days on the road…cup of coffee. Could do without food. Could do without…well, without sex.” He says honestly, “but coffee? Especially Ellie tellin’ me these stupid puns all day.” He gently rolls his eyes but his gesture is full of affection.

There’s obviously a fatherly love for the girl, you can tell by the way his voice changes, softens. It makes you smile, even if your entire body had lit up when the word ‘sex’ had dripped off his tongue. “Coffee and sex makes for the best morning though.” You chuckle. “You can survive anything then. Even puns.”

He snorts, “true. Folgers and an orgasm ain’t a bad way to start the day.” He chuckles, “not in that order.” He adds after a beat and he continues eating, spoon scraping the plate. “Where did you learn to cook?” He asks, curious if you taught yourself or a family member taught you.

“The group I was in before Jackson recon found me.” You smile. “There was an old woman who served as our cook. No matter how low we were on supplies, she could make it feel like a feast.” You shrug. “She taught me, and so I volunteer in the kitchens sometimes.”

Joel nods, “you got skills, sweetheart.” He smiles and looks down at his plate as you smile at him. “What happened to your group?” He asks, curious because everyone has a story, everyone has a tragedy.

“Dead.” Your group had been unfortunately softer than needed in this harsh world and hadn’t put down someone infected right away. “About a hundred miles from here.”

He taps his spoon against the plate, “shit. I’m so-sorry.” He murmurs, knowing that he has seen some shit go down in groups. “Well, I’m glad you ain’t one of them.” He murmurs until he catches himself, “otherwise I would be eatin’ stale crackers and jerky.”

You chuckle softly. “Thanks.” You shrug. “And you came out here from Boston to find Tommy?” Everyone has heard the story, you just think that it’s amazing. The show of loyalty makes your heart flutter.

Joel nods, “yeah. He, uh, didn’t exactly tell me he had found fuckin’ apocalyptic paradise and got married with a kid on the way, I thought he was in the middle of nowhere.” He confesses, “but I brought Ellie along with me and yeah, she’s a good kid.”

“You thought he was in trouble and came to the rescue.” It makes him even more admirable in your opinion and it’s amazing you aren’t just simpering in a puddle at his feet. “I know that the town has been buzzing. You used to build? Before all of the end of the world shit?” Fuck, in his prime, on a construction site? Joel Miller would have been fucking eye candy to you.

Joel nods, feeling like that career was a lifetime ago. He’s developed other skill sets, ones he never imagined having to learn back when he was building houses for a living. “Yeah. Me and Tommy had our own business.” He reveals, “was damn good at it.” He boasts and smiles softly at some of the jobs he did. “I can help out around town.” He offers, knowing he’s already offered that to Maria. He wants to earn his place here.

“That’s impressive.” You have a competency kink and you know it, so that just makes him even more attractive. “I know we will be grateful. Everyone pitches in, but people who had knowledge before all of this, they are important.”

“Not quite as useful as a doctor but I’ll do my best.” He offers you a small chuckle until he finishes his dinner. “I can’t really cook for shit other than rabbits and uh, things I catch like fish so that was really good.” He compliments you, “thank you.” He murmurs, wanting you to know he appreciates it.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He’s a little more friendly now, but you don’t want to push him, knowing that he’s not one for a lot of chit chat. “Let me help clean up and I’ll let you enjoy your evening.” You offer. “I doubt you’re going to the movie tonight?”

He wants to say more but he’s not capable. Ellie did all the talking when they were traveling. He sighs, shaking his head, “not really my scene.” He confesses, “no one wants me around.” He admits what he’s been thinking since he arrived in Jackson. “Here, lemme clean up.” He orders, taking the plate from your hand.

You don’t think that is true, but you just hum. “I’ll cover the casserole and put it in the fridge for you.” You stand and reach for the pan at the same time that Joel does and you laugh. “I can help.”

You seem to be unable to resist and he knows when to relent. He nods, “I appreciate that.” He says softly as he carries the plates over to the sink to rinse them off. It’s still crazy to have running water like this. He’s still trying to adapt to living like he did twenty years ago.

There’s a soft silence between you as you work. It’s not heavy, or expectant. It’s actually kind of nice. Once the food is stored away and the dishes are resting in the drying rack, there’s nothing keeping you here. “Well, I better go.” You murmur, not sure of what to say, or how to indicate that you would stay if he asked you too. He probably doesn’t anyway, finding you annoying and wanting to be rid of you. “I’ll take my basket back though.”

He wants to ask you to stay because he’s alone and he doesn’t want to get too used to being alone. He doesn’t say that though, he nods, “of course.” He walks over to where he stored it, handing it back to you, and he scratches the back of his head, “thanks…for, you know, the casserole and the muffins.”

“You’re welcome.” You flash a smile and then turn around to walk down the porch steps, already planning the next thing you’ll drop by with. 

Over the course of next two weeks, you bring him a blackberry pie, another casserole and a beautiful teal plaid shirt you had traded a gallon of blackberries to Seth for. The crotchety older man didn’t know why you wanted a shirt he didn’t like, but you knew that it would look amazing on Joel. Still, since that first dinner with him, nothing had gone past awkward conversations at his door and you wondered if he just wasn’t interested in you.

Joel adjusts the shirt he’s wearing - the one that you got him - as he stands outside your door. The small box suddenly feels heavy and he feels dumb and as soon as he knocks, he wants to stride off. Before he can step away, you open your door and his chest suddenly feels tight. “Hey.” You greet him with a smile and he nods, “hi.” He shuffles from one foot to the other, “I, uh, brought you something.”

“Oh!” Your eyes widen and they drop down to the box in his hand. “Uh, come in.” You open the door wider, surprised and pleased that he had figured out where you live. “Sorry about the mess.” You apologize, gesturing to the messy sofa with a throw tossed aside from where you were reading with a cup of coffee.

He snorts, “don’t even worry about it.” He shakes his head, “Ellie makes a mess.” He chuckles, stepping into your place. “I, uh, wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” He murmurs, “so, uh, I made you this.” He holds out the box.

Your heart pounds in your chest when you take the box from him. “Wow.” You murmur softly. “I don’t know what to say.” You don’t even know what it is, but you are touched by his thoughtfulness. “Thank you.” You look back at him. “Do you want a cup of coffee?”

He nods, a little nervous, and his stomach twists at the thought of you not liking the gift he’s spent hours making for you. He hasn’t had the luxury of a hobby, not for years…not really since before Sarah was born. So it’s been strange to spend time working on something without there being a financial gain or to keep alive. He watches you make your way into the kitchen, shoving his hands in his pockets.

You set the box down carefully and pull a mug off the open shelves that make up the top of your kitchen. “I have some fresh milk if you want?” You offer as you pour him a cup.

He shakes his head, “black is good. I ain’t drank it any other way since I started drinkin’ it.” He confesses, taking a seat at your kitchen table after you gesture for him to sit.

“Same.” You admit. “When I was younger, fuck, I thought coffee was nasty. But now?” You roll your eyes as you bring the box over to the table with your own cup. “Now, I’ll open this.” You promise, sitting down and trying not to let the thrill of being given a gift outweigh practicality. You smile at him before taking off the small lid and gasping at the sight of a small wooden figure.

He’s nervous. Fuck, he hates to admit that but he likes you. Even if he’s too old to think about a relationship and you should be avoiding him like everyone else. “It’s, uh, it’s not anything that special.” He rushes out before you take the figure out of the box.

“Not special?” You huff, shaking your head as you run your finger over the small bird. “It’s beautiful.” You murmur. “It must have taken a lot of time.” Which makes it more special. He has taken the time to make something. “I love it.”

His heart flutters at the smile you give him, “you said your mom used to call you little bird so, uh, I thought I’d whittle one. I ain’t that good. I haven’t done anything like that for years.” He confesses, “it’s not my best work.” He self deprecates, not wanting you to say you like it if you don’t.

You practically melt when you hear it’s not something random, he had made it for you. “No, it’s beautiful.” You insist. The imperfections make it that much more special to you. “I-“ you blink back tears. “I think it might be the best thing anyone has ever given me.”

He blushes a little, ducking his head, and he clears his throat. "I'm glad you like it." He murmurs, "it's - I wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me." He reveals, tapping his fingers on his mug as he watches you admire the woodwork.

“It was nothing.” You hum, still admiring the little figure. Part of you wonders if he is giving you something out of guilt or perhaps he’s realized you are interested in him.

You're quiet as you touch the figure and Joel doesn't find it awkward. He isn't a stranger to silence. He tilts his head slightly as he looks at you, "why?" He asks softly and you turn to look at him. "Why what?" You frown and Joel clears his throat, "why - why have you done so much for me?"

You’re a little embarrassed when he asks, but you clear your throat. “I wanted to make you feel welcomed.” It’s true, but not completely true and from the doubtful way Joel eyes you, you know it doesn’t believe that. At least he’s not looking at you suspiciously. “I did. And I -“ you hesitate. “I wanted to see if you were as handsome up close as I thought you were.” You admit. “You are, by the way. Very handsome.”

He is surprised by your comment, cheeks flushing a little more and he turns his head to look at your sink. He almost chokes on his breath when it hits him that you are saying he’s handsome. You. “I, um, thanks.” He mutters awkwardly and you seem to shrink back a little, “you’re- you’re great too.” He says and your smile falls, your brow furrowing without your awareness and Joel immediately realizes his mistake. “And gorgeous. Really like - I think you’re beautiful. Inside and out.” He rushes out, wanting to make this right.

“It’s okay.” You are a little disappointed, but not surprised. He’s not interested. You had heard rumors that he had been with a woman until he had lost her on his way to Jackson. You will just swallow down your little crush and go about your life. “You don’t need to make me feel better.” You promise. “I’m a big girl.”

His brow furrows at your words, confused because he just paid you a compliment and you think he’s making it up. He reaches out to cup your cheek, turning your head towards him. “You have any idea how often I think about you? About your smile, your laugh, the way your nose does that little bunching thing when you’re confused? I think about you all the time but I don’t deserve you. I’ve done bad things. My hands are bloody and I don’t deserve a happy ending. I cannot taint you with my fuckin’ sins. I cannot add that to the guilt that drowns me every damn day.” He explains, hoping you understand.

“Everyone has blood on their hands.” You feel like you’re about to whimper, he’s so close to you, touching you. Like you would beg him to kiss you. “We’ve had to be different than before, that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve whatever happiness we can find now.”

Joel doesn't hesitate. He surges forward to press his lips to yours. Spurred on by your kind words, he tilts your head so he can kiss you like he's been imagining far too many times.

His lips are surprisingly soft, tender as he kisses you. It’s not nearly as rough as you imagined, but you can feel the repressed need underneath. Making you sigh as you curl into him, sinking deeper into the feeling as your head spins.

Having you kiss him back has his stomach twisting and he wants to deepen the kiss but it’s not time. You’re not some quick fuck to release stress and tension. He wants you - this - to be different. He nudges his nose against yours before he pulls back, caressing your cheek until his hand drops back to the table while he waits for see your reaction.

You whine slightly, a little protest, but you don’t try to pull him back in. “That was….” Your smile is soft. “Very good.” You hum, eyes fluttering after opening. “Um….yeah.” You are a little befuddled, but it’s not in a bad way. Like the promise of something sweeter has already been made.

He likes seeing you flustered, he realizes, and he wants to kiss you again, but for now, he settles for a small smile. “You- you wanna go to the movie night with me tomorrow?” He asks, knowing this is a huge step because he avoids the town events but he wants to treat you well.

Your eyes widen in surprise but you immediately nod as if you’re afraid he might take back the offer. “Yes. Yes.” You huff out in a rushed little laugh, feeling like a teenager being asked out by a boy you have a crush on. “I would like that.”

Joel nods, trying not to act like a teenage boy who just got the girl he likes to go on a movie date with him. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” He promises, reaching for your hand, and he picks it up to kiss the back of it.

“I’ll see you then.” You promise with a small wink. “I’ll make some cookies for us to eat at the movie.”

He nods, nervous of being out beside you but he wants to make a life here and that means remembering how the world worked before it went to shit. “I’ll leave you to your evenin’.” He says after a moment, “I’m sure you’ll be wantin’ some peace.” He squeezes your hand and shifts to stand up from his seat.

“Okay.” You know that he needs to take things slow and it’s honestly a good idea since it’s not like either one of you can move away. Jackson is home and you’ll have to be in proximity to each other. “But only because I will see you tomorrow.” You tease as you walk him to the door.

His heart flutters at your words, smiling softly as he turns to look at you while he’s leaning against your door frame. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leans in to kiss your cheek, hovering for a moment until he pulls away. Looking at you one last time before he disappears down the hall.

****

Joel reaches up to adjust his collar, stomach twisting with nerves like he’s a damn teenager going on his first date. In a way, it kinda is. He hasn’t dated since Sarah’s mom and he was a teenager back then. He waits for you to answer and when you do, his breath hitches at the sight of you standing there.

“Hi.” You smile softly as you take him in. He looks fresh from a shower and even his beard looks thinner, like he’s trimmed it. “You look great.” You compliment honestly. “I don’t know if I’m dressed up enough to be on your arm.” Everyone dresses practically, but you had picked the jeans that make your ass look the best and the prettiest top you have. Feeling like a teenager as you ripped through your small wardrobe.

He swallows harshly as he drags his dark eyes down your figure, “you look great too. Actually, you look- too damn good to hear out an asshole like me.” He chuckles humorlessly and you shake your head, reaching for his hand. That grounds him and his eyes meet yours. He licks his lips, staring at you for a moment. “Sorry. I ain’t - I’m out of practice. You ready to go?” He asks, not wanting to ruin this.

“Yeah.” You grab the container with the cookies that you had placed near the door. “I’ve heard that there’s gonna be a dance coming up.” You offer as you both step out of your apartment. “They want to do more of them. Promote community.”

His hand hovers over the small of your back as you make your way downstairs and out of your apartment. He glances around once you’re outside, still a little anxious being in a place that isn’t constantly under attack. He wants to ask if you want to go to the dance but that’s a bit too much for him unless he can hide in the shadows.

You don’t take offense when he doesn’t answer. You just walk by his side, smiling and calling out to people that you know as you make your way to the movie. It’s enough that he’s just here with you.

He walks alongside you, feeling a little anxious, but he’s determined to be there beside you. He wants to try, he wants to try for you. There’s a lot of people gathering for the movie and Joel tenses but you sense his unease, taking his hand to guide him to some chairs in the back row. You know he’d feel better there and he appreciates it, trying to ignore how everyone looks at him with a mixture of surprise and distrust.

Everyone is curious, craning their necks and looking at the both of you. They have asked about Joel to Tommy and Maria, but his brother and sister-in-law have kept their answers vague, respecting his privacy. Now you know that people will ask about you, since Joel tends to keep to himself. Instead of ignoring them, you nod and smile politely, knowing that Joel is probably glowering slightly. He’s just got a face that is always gonna look a little annoyed.

He hates how people stare but you squeeze his hand and he focuses on you instead as you guide him to your seats. When you’re seated, you set your purse down, opening it to hand him a flask and he frowns at it, “figured you could use it.” You wink and his heart flutters. You thought of everything. “Thanks.” He murmurs, his eyes on yours and he takes a swig to quell his anxiety.

You nod, reassuring him softly and soon the lights are dimming for the movie to begin, the projector in front of you coming to life. “Hope it’s not a boring movie.” You whisper to him with a slight giggle. “If it is, we might have to ditch.” You really just want him to know that if he wants to leave, you’ll be okay with that. Although he’s relaxing beside you. Reaching over, you take his free hand, keeping your eyes on the screen.

Your hand in his has him relaxing slightly and he nods, squeezing your hand back, the flask in his other hand, and he sighs, leaning in towards you, “thanks, sweetheart.” He murmurs before leaning back in his seat to watch a movie he hasn’t seen since Sarah was a little kid. He’s taken back to the memory of her sitting next to him in the movie theater, popcorn in hand, and her eyes wide in amazement at the movie.

You feel him tense beside you, looking over to see shadows in his eyes and you wonder if there’s something in his past that’s triggered by the movie. Everyone here has a past, something that they have struggled with since the end of the world. Even the ones that were born after the outbreak. It might be easier for them though, since this world is all they’ve ever known. “Do we need to leave?” You ask quietly, leaning in to smell the scent of soap mixed with wood and man. He smells wonderful and you could curl up into him.

He turns to look at you, surprised by your consideration, and he shakes his head. “No. No. I’m good.” He promises with a whisper, shifting to wrap his arm around your shoulders, wanting to feel you close to him as you ground him in the moment.

You hum softly, leaning into him and your arm rests on his thigh. It feels natural and you love how protected and safe you feel. You can’t even explain it, but Joel has never once made you nervous besides the attraction and the fear of making a fool of yourself. He’s a violent man, he’s done violent things, but he wouldn’t hurt you unless he was forced to. You know that.

Joel relaxes as he breathes in the clean scent of your soap and shampoo. You are warm and he allows himself this time to be absorbed into the movie. He doesn’t remember the last time he allowed the tension to leave his body. He’s always been on since the outbreak started. He absentmindedly rubs your arm and when the movie ends, he blinks, brought back to reality.

“That was pretty cute.” You decide, having never seen the movie before and you watch as others start to gather their trash and belongings. You don’t feel the need to move right now, unless Joel wants to sneak out before everyone else.

He nods, turning to look at you, “I went to see that at the movies with my daughter, Sarah.” He confesses, a soft smile on his lips. “She, uh, she was shot on Outbreak Day.” He reveals, flexing his fingers at the memory of her dying in his arms.

“Oh Joel.” Your heart shatters for him, watching the way his eyes reflect the devastation he must have felt that day and carried with him for the past twenty years. “I am so sorry.” You murmur softly, touching his arm and not trying to give him any platitudes beyond the simple touch.

He nods, jaw tightening as the memories hit him, but your touch seems to pull him out before he gets too buried under the past. He glances around at the nearly disappeared crowd, “you wanna go back to yours or we can go for a walk?” He offers, not wanting to let go of you just yet.

“Why don’t we go for a walk?” You agree with a smile. “I normally go and check on the horses every evening.” You know he rides, when he left months ago, he had actually stolen a horse. Or rather, Tommy had said he had given him a horse. “Is that okay?”

He nods, standing up, and his joints ache, but he takes your hand as you make your way out of the barn. The night is chilly and he adjusts his jacket, “you cold?” He asks and you shake your head, “no, I'm good.” You promise and you take a slow walk to the stables.

It’s not too far, and the familiar scent of hay and horses calms you. “It’s so beautiful out here.” You smile softly as you both walk towards the stables. “And the town is growing, rumor has it, it’s gonna grow even faster now that you are here.”

Joel snorts, “yeah. Maria has all kinds of plans for this place. Between me and Tommy, it’s gonna be a construction zone.” He confesses, squeezing your hand as the moon rises in the sky.

“That’s good.” You smile, although it’s a little bittersweet. “We need people in Jackson. Otherwise all we are doing is just prolonging death.” You wish the world was different, but it’s not.

Joel chuckles, "true. Gotta have more kids." He hums, turning to look at you, "but I'll leave that to the younger men. Ain't no one needing me to be a daddy at my age." He declares, "there's enough men to make Jackson thrive in the future."

You could make a dirty joke, but you just shrug. “It’s not in the cards for me either, so I don’t worry about it.” Joel looks over at you with a frown, clearly confused but unsure of what to say. “Never been pregnant.” You admit. “Never even had a scare, not like there are fertility doctors nowadays, but I think that it’s not my fate.”

Joel frowns because he thinks you’d make a good mom but he won’t pour salt in a wound. “I kinda wish I’d gotten the snip before the world went to shit but I was in my mid 30s, wasn’t sure if I’d be a dad again, and I had Sarah. She was my life but I kinda wanted to have another kid back then. Now? I got Ellie.” He says without elaborating.

“She’s a good kid.” You assure him. She can be blunt and assertive, but that’s not a bad thing. Reaching the stables, you open the doors with a grin. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen.” You coo. “The horses are kinda like my kids.” You tell him. “They are like temperamental toddlers sometimes.”

He snorts, walking over to the horses. He slides his palm along his nose, smiling when the horse snorts. “They kinda are like toddlers.” He agrees, “and you do a good job of looking after them.” He adds, watching you as you stroke the horse.

“They are probably the most vital assets we have, besides the dogs.” You admit. “I know they are animals, but they are also a part of our community, our future.” You look over at Joel. “Just like you and Ellie are.”

He chuckles, stepping closer to you. “You are the future.” He murmurs, his hand coming up to slide along your arm until he is taking your hand in his. He tugs you close and cups your cheek with his free hand. “You are always on my mind.” He admits softly, caressing your cheek.

“It was the muffins, wasn’t it?” You tease, your own hands pulling him closer, enjoying the broadness of him as you wrap your arms around him. He chuckles again, the best sound in the world to you right now. “So are you going to kiss me Joel?” You demand. “I know I’m a little rusty, but I know a date usually ends with kissing.”

His eyes meet yours, dark and intense. He’s nervous and he feels stupid for being so nervous when he’s a grown man. He leans his head towards yours, gently brushing his lips against your softer ones. His calloused hand caressing your cheek while he kisses you.

You sigh softly, eyes fluttering closed while the horse in the stall next to you shifts, annoyed that she’s not being petted anymore. Not that you realize that. You can’t think of anything but Joel kissing you.

You’re so soft and sweet, leaning into him and your hand caresses your chest. He knows you can feel his heart pounding and he should be more confident but the last woman he kissed was Tess…even his kisses to her were few and far between. He kisses you softly, not wanting you to see the dark side of him just yet.

You can tell that he’s holding back, and you don’t mind it. This is getting to know each other and you won’t push him for more than he wants to give. Finally Shimmer butts her head against your shoulder to get your attention, breaking up the kiss and making you giggle. “Jealous, pretty girl?” You coo, turning towards her to pet her nose. “You should be.”

Joel watches you, a soft smile on his face as he watches you interact with the horse. Your words make his stomach flutter, and he sighs, “I should be gettin’ you home.” He glances out the stable opening to the sky.

You would like to be with him a little longer, but you just nod. “That sounds good.” You hum softly. “I’m sure you are busy tomorrow. Are you working on the gates?” You ask, aware that the council had voted on improving defense systems for the town.

He nods, "yeah. Gonna be heading out on patrol." He confirms, "gotta be up at eight." He doesn't want to leave you but he needs to let you get some sleep. He knows you could wake up in the morning and realize that the town is scared of him and ultimately reject him. He is preparing for that to happen. You are too good for him. He takes your hand again, guiding you away from the stables and back to your apartment building.

You don’t talk as you walk, but again, the silence isn’t stifling. It’s really rather nice. Just two people, enjoying the night together. When you are at your door, you open it and turn to him. “I had a nice night.” You promise. “I would invite you in, but I don’t think you’re ready for that and I don’t want to wonder if you don’t want me.” You admit, leaning in to press your lips to his.

His hands find your waist, dragging you closer as he kisses you. He pulls back after a moment, "you don't have to wonder. I want you. I just - I don't want to ruin you." He confesses his fear, "I don't want you to end up hating me."

You can’t help but laugh at his comment. “I’m not going to hate you.” You promise, reaching up and caressing his whisker rough cheek. “I’ve been chasing you, remember?” You have been throwing yourself at him to get his attention. “If you want to come inside, I want you in my bed tonight. If you want to wait, I’ll just touch myself and think about you in my bed.”

His cock twitches in his pants at the thought of you touching yourself. His hands squeeze your hips, pulling you even closer to him. He groans when your body presses into his, and he loves it. "Let me come inside and I want to bury my face in your pussy. I don't- I don't deserve to fuck you yet. Lemme taste you." He murmurs, nudging his nose against yours.

You huff, not agreeing with his assessment of him not deserving, but your nod is accompanied by grabbing his hand and stepping back through the door to tug him with you. You smirk when he kicks the door closed and throws the lock before you launch yourself at him. Kissing him again with more passion than before.

He groans, unable to stop himself as he lets you guide him through your apartment. Now that you’ve given him permission, his hands slide along your form, squeezing your ass. He loves how your fingers grip his shirt and he slides his tongue into your mouth.

There’s no hesitation right now. Just the jittery anticipation that makes your stomach feel like you’ve swallowed butterflies and your core flutters wildly. His taste is perfect, warm and rich, his tongue skillfully making you melt as your hands let go of his shirt to push his jacket off his string shoulders.

He walks you backwards, trying to navigate your apartment to find your bedroom while his jacket drops to the floor. He groans into your mouth, pulling back when you stumble into your bedroom and your jacket has joined his. He pushes on your chest to push you backwards into your bed and his hands find your boots, working on pulling them off your feet.

“Eager. I like that.” You aren’t passive, leaning up to pull your shirt over your head to reveal the practical bra you are wearing underneath. There’s little luxury for sexy items, especially now. “Fuck you are so sexy.” You moan, loving the darkening look in his eyes.

He wants to scoff in disbelief that a pretty thing like you would find him sexy but instead, he decides to prove it to you. He unbuttons your pants and pulls them down your legs, his cock already pressing against his zipper as he watches you lift up to unclip your bra. “You’re goddamn sexy.” He rasps, tossing your pants aside so he can slide his hands up the length of your legs until his fingers are hooked in your panties. “Can I taste you, sweetheart?” He asks, dark eyes on yours until they flick down to your core.

“You can do anything you want to me, handsome.” Your pussy aches for him to touch you, taste you. It’s been a long goddamn time since you’ve had a lover and you are eager to see how the two of you are together.

He drags his panties down your legs, tossing them over his shoulder and his hands slide back along your thighs until he’s pushing them apart to expose your folds. Soft curls surround your sex and Joel groans when your heady scent hits his nose. He leans in, slowly pressing kisses to your thighs as he shifts closer until his tongue is sliding through your folds.

You moan so loud that you embarrass yourself. The feeling that races through you is enough to make your thighs squeeze around his head, but his strong hands grip your thighs and pull them apart. “Jesus, fuck.” You whimper, eyes fixed on his head between your legs. “That- God, I haven’t felt this in so long.”

He chuckles, sliding into the ease of making a woman feel good. It’s been a long time since he’s been able to take his time and savor a woman but right now, he isn’t in a rush. His tongue flicks over your clit, loving the way you tangle your fingers in his hair while he pushes his tongue deep.

You don’t know his sexual past, but his previous lovers have been lucky as fuck if they experienced half of the talent in his tongue. “Fuck Joel,” you pant breathlessly. “That feels so good. You must have majored in pussy eating in college.”

He chuckles into your folds, amused by how easily wrecked you are. He slides his tongue up to flick over your clit and he sucks on it, shaking his head and your cry makes his cock twitch in his pants.

He’s so fucking gorgeous, making you cry out as he tears you apart with his mouth. “Fuck, I can’t believe you’re eating my pussy. You know how long I’ve imagined you? Since the first day I saw you. I knew I wanted to get to know you. So fucking pleased when you were single.”

Your words unravel him and he grinds into the edge of your bed. Groaning your name but it’s indistinguishable in your folds as he greedily absorbs your dirty confession. His hands squeeze your thighs, keeping them pushed apart.

He is going to have his way. That is obvious from the way he handles you. He’s not rough, but he’s focused, determined. You had heard from Tommy that he had saved Ellie’s life from a group of men when he had been seriously injured. He hadn’t been trying to dissuade you from your pursuit of Joel, but he had wanted you to know that there are some things about Joel that could be seen as a caution sign. You see it as his willingness to do what needs to be done. Now he’s using that same focus on you, “Fuck!” You squeal when he pulls your clit into his mouth, hips trying to buck up, but he holds you in place. “I’m gonna cum!”

He needs to hear it, feel it. When your cry echoes in your tiny bedroom, your fingers tugging on his silver streaked hair, and your thighs squeezing his head, he groans. While you cum, he grinds into the mattress, his cock twitching in his pants as he cums in them like a fucking teenager.

You are completely unaware, riding out the best orgasm you’ve had in years and he hadn’t even fingered you. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, Joel.” You whimper. “Fuck me.” You beg. “You’ve earned it, fuck yeah, you deserve to fuck me.”

His cheeks immediately redden when he comes back to his senses and your words hit him like ice cold water. "I- I didn't - shit." He hisses, stomach twisting with embarrassment as he shifts to stand up, the front of his pants wet.

You frown, confused by his upset tone. Eyes fluttering open and you blink to focus on him. Then you see the dark spot. “Oh.” You bite your lip, knowing he won’t appreciate a smirk, but it’s kind of sexy that he was so turned on that he shot his load.

"I'm so sorry." He chokes, shuffling back from your bed and he stumbles through your apartment trying to find his coat. "Joel?" You frown, shifting off the bed, "Joel?" You make your way through your apartment just as the front door slams, "Joel!" You shout but he's gone. He's thankful there's no one out as he makes his way home, his jacket not concealing his pants, and he hates how he disappointed you. You'll probably tell your friends, laugh about it, and he will go back to the shadows where he belongs.

You get up and wrap a robe around your body, opening the door to see if Joel is outside. He’s nowhere nearby and you consider getting dressed and going to his house, but you know he would just ignore you. You’ll give him tonight but he won’t just run out without a better damn reason than premature ejaculation again.

****

Joel groans when he wakes up, he hardly slept from the embarrassment of cumming in his pants because you sounded so fucking good when you came on his tongue. He rubs his face and knows he has to get ready for patrol. That also means seeing you in the stables. He groans as his joints ache when he shifts from his bed, and soon he’s stepping into the stables to collect a horse. You’re there, helping another patroller saddle up, and he feels the blush creep onto his cheeks as he waits for you to see the other patroller off.

You’re surprised when you see Joel come slinking into the stables and you half expected him to try to race out of there with his horse. You don’t say anything, just get your rider out. Surprised to see him standing by the horse he had been assigned last time. “Good morning.” You are alone in the stalls and you step closer to him. “If I touch you, are you gonna run away again?” You ask.

He ducks his head, swallowing harshly. “I - shit. I’m sorry. I, uh, fuck. I don’t know why- it’s that- it’s been a while and I’m on the way to sixty and I fucking came in my pants without you even touching me. I was embarrassed.” He knows there’s no point but doing anything but tell you the truth.

You snort softly, not wanting him to think that you are mocking him. “Fuck, it’s a compliment.” You huff, shrugging slightly. “You were that turned on by eating my pussy? By just touching me? In my mind, that just means I was doing something right, even if it has been a long time since someone touched you.” You bite your lip, biting back the urge to offer to touch him right now. He probably wouldn’t accept a blow job in a stall in a horse barn.

Joel glances around, glad that no one is here to hear your conversation and his cock twitches at your words. He's relieved you aren't laughing at him. "I've - I haven't done that since - well, I don't think I ever have. Sweetheart...I ain't - can I try again? Later?" He asks, wanting to show you what he can do.

You lift a brow, this time your lips curving up. “I think I would be crazy to turn that down.” You step a little closer to him, “you know that you are early for your patrol, right?” You murmur. “Plenty of time to go to the back stall and work out a little tension before you go out?” You reach for his hand. “Might help you focus?”

He tilts his head, squeezing your hand, “you sure?” He asks, his voice lowering at the idea of touching you again. You nod, guiding him to the back stall, and it’s like a switch has been flicked on as he drags you close. He cups your cheek, tilting your head to his as he presses his lips to yours.

You let him kiss you, feeling your body light up in pleasure but before he can get farther than cupping your ass, you are pushing him back. Joel frowns in confusion but you press your lips to his reassuringly and drop down to your knees in front of him to smirk up at him as you reach for his belt buckle.

“Darlin’ you don’t have to-” You cut him off by shaking your head and telling him to shush. You pull down the zipper and smile at him, his cock hardening under your naughty gaze as you reach into his pants to pull his cock free.

“Shit.” Joel hisses, twitching in your hand as you squeeze him and start to pump him. “Fuck, baby, you’ve got a gorgeous cock.” Your mouth waters as you greedily take in the sight of him as he sways on his feet slightly, leaning back against the wall of the stall as he looks down at you. “Thick, long. Goddamn I can’t wait to see how you feel inside me.” You clench around nothing. “But right now, I want to see how you taste.” You lean and take the head of his cock into your mouth.

He groans as he watches you wrap your lips around his cock. Your mouth is hot and wet and he is already throbbing in your mouth. “So fuckin’ pretty.” He rasps, caressing your cheek as you start to bob your head to work his cock into your mouth.

You know that someone could come into the stables, but that just makes it a little more exciting for you. Your pussy soaked as you take him deeper, listening to him groan and feeling his stomach lurch under the palm of your hand laying against it. Your lips stretch around him and he hits the back of your throat easily with more to take.

He can’t believe you’re on your knees for him right now. You look so fucking gorgeous and your jaw seems to loosen so you can take him deeper. “Fuck. So goddamn good.” He pants, glad that he doesn’t seem to be shooting his load too soon as you take him in your mouth over and over. His hand grips the metal rack on the wall as the other caresses your cheek.

Your hand moves to his hip, around to his ass as you look up at him. Watching his jaw clench. He looks wrecked, in the best possible way as you suck his cock. Pressing him, encouraging him to rock his hips forward. You can take everything he gives you and you want him to enjoy this.

He pants, watching you as his chest heaves. It's barely past 7am and here you are on your knees for him. He knows he will be thinking about you all damn day now. "Fuck baby. Feel so fuckin' good. Look at you, takin' my cock like that." He growls, tongue loosened by your mouth. He unconsciously rocks his hips like you want and his eyes widen when you choke. You hum around him, barely shaking your head when he shifts to pull away, and your fingers dig into the meat of his ass to keep him down your throat. A move that makes his stomach twist and his cock twitch violently. "Fuck, gonna make me cum if you keep it up." He warns you with a wrecked growl.

You chuckle around him, the sound vibrating up his cock. That’s why you are doing this, to make him cum. Your eyes are watering, but you keep swallowing around him as you bob your head. Wanting to taste his load and swallow him down. Joel chokes out your name and you feel him tense. Knowing that he is so close to cumming. You hum again, eyes fixed on his face so you can watch him. Wanting to see how gorgeous he looks when he falls apart on purpose.

He knows this is so fucking wrong but he can’t help it. He chokes as his cock pulses inside your mouth, a gasp your only warning that he’s cumming. You taste the salty seed as he clings to the metal rack, barely able to stand as you rock his world with your mouth.

The thick spurt of cum coats the back of your throat and fills your mouth. Making you moan as you start to swallow. Trying and failing to swallow every drop as some slides down your jaw. His head tilts back and his growl of pleasure is probably the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard. Only stopping when his cock stops twitching and you pull off of him with a soft pop, panting as you lick at the side of your mouth.

He is certain he’s stopped breathing. “Fuck me.” He mutters and you giggle, looking up at him. “I really wanna fuck you but I gotta go on patrol and I need some time to recover. Lemme see you tonight.” He pleads, “need to see you.”

You push to your feet and reach down to tuck him back into his jeans. “Come over when you get back from patrol.” You order softly. “Johnny will be here tonight to put the horses away.” You lean in to kiss his cheek, not sure about how he feels about kissing you with his cum on your tongue. “Be safe, handsome.”

He cups your cheek, uncaring of the taste of his cum on your lips, and he brings your mouth to his so he can kiss you. He slides his tongue into your mouth, wanting to devastate you with his kiss until he steps back, “see ya later, baby.”

“See you later.” You wink and step back as the stable doors open. “Let’s get you saddled up.” You call out a little louder and step out of the stall to give him an extra minute to compose himself. “Tommy. Are you going out this morning?” You greet his brother with a smile.

Joel’s eyes widen at his brother’s name and he runs his hand through his hair, tugging on his shirt before he leaves the stall and finds you talking to his brother. Tommy frowns when he sees how flustered his brother is and his frown shifts into a smirk, “mornin’.” He greets Joel who grunts back. Soon enough, the two men are riding out for patrol, Joel looking over his shoulder at you for a second.

Tommy catches the glance and smirks to himself, shifting in his saddles as he looks ahead. “Good morning?” He asks innocently enough. “You look a little….light on your feet.”

Joel grips the reins a little tighter, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” He murmurs and Tommy snorts, “you looked like a man who got his world rocked in a stable stall.” Tommy says bluntly and Joel ducks his head, “she, uh, we - it’s just started.” He confesses softly.

“Bullshit.” Tommy shakes his head, wondering how his older brother could be so obtuse about things for a man who can normally figure anyone out. “She’s been chasing after you for weeks.” He looks around after they clear the gate and starts the loop around the town. Today is to find any weakness that needs to be shored up. “Everyone in town knew that she was courting you.”

Joel huffs, shaking his head, “she has just been nice.” He tries to justify how nice you’ve been and Tommy snorts, “more than nice. She’s been wanting to jump your bones.” Joel bites his lip, “I’m too fucking old for her. Or anyone.”

“She doesn’t think so.” He points out with a grin. “Been rootin’ about for information on you. Trying to be real casual about it, but she has it bad for my older brother.” Honestly, Tommy’s glad for it. Since Tess, he’s been all alone and whether or not he admits it, Joel needs someone to take care of. It’s a part of who he is.

Joel’s heart thumps at that revelation and he almost wants to ride back to town and find you. “She will realize who I am soon enough.” He grunts and Tommy rolls his eyes, “whatever you say.”

Joel huffs and falls quiet again. Tommy doesn’t push it, instead he starts talking about the plans they want to implement for defense and Joel gives some suggestions on fortifications.

**** 

Joel arrives back at the stables with Tommy and you’re waiting, eyes lighting up when you see Joel and his stomach twists at how eager you are to see him. The memory of your lips wrapped around his cock hits him and he twitches in his pants. Tommy quickly dismounts, thanking you for helping, and he slaps Joel on the shoulder once his boots hit the ground. “See ya later, man.” He raises his eyebrows at Joel when you’re not looking and Joel huffs when his brother leaves you alone. “You need help?” He offers, not wanting to leave just yet.

“If you want.” They weren’t gone as long as you expected them to be, the horses are not tired. “I’m just going to take the saddles off and brush them down quickly before putting on their blankets and feeding them.” You explain. “Did your patrol go alright? You weren’t out long.”

Joel nods, “it was fine. We found some places that need reinforcement but it was quiet out there.” He admits, “always makes me fucking nervous when it’s quiet.” He confesses, “I always think somethings gonna happen. Like this place is gonna go to shit and I’ll end up back out there.” He jerks his chin as he works on removing the saddle of his horse.

“I worry about that too.” You admit, working on taking the saddle from Tommy’s horse. You know he had wanted to get back to Maria as quickly as possible since she was due any second now. The baby was overdue actually, and everyone was keeping an eye on her. “Raiders worry me the most, honestly. The clickers are bad, but humans are worse.

Joel nods, “we gotta keep this place safe and not get complacent. The day will come where shit hits the fan and we need to be prepared.” He says firmly, working efficiently to get the horse ready after riding. “You still want me to come over later?” He asks, not wanting to assume.

“If you want to.” You don’t want to push him, and you know that he might need to pause or even take a step back. “What do you want to do?” The blanket is secured and you guide Betsy back to her stall before filling her food bucket with oats. “I’m going to let you decide.”

He waits until you are done, striding over to you, and he grips your chin to lift your eyes to his. "I want to come over to your place, strip you down, kiss and bite every inch of your skin, and then I want to fuck you until you soak me and you can't remember anything but my name."

You could melt into a puddle on the floor right now from the possessive look in his eyes and the rough words. They paint the most delicious picture in your mind. “Do you want to eat dinner before or after you fuck me?” You ask breathlessly.

“After.” He says, knowing he won’t be able to wait and watch you eat dinner before he has you. “You’ll need it after I fuck you.” He promises, “go home. I’ll see you at yours in a few hours. I want you naked when I arrive.” He orders, leaning in to softly kiss your lips. Now that you’ve unlocked his desires, he’s going to give you exactly what you want. He pulls back before you can deepen the kiss, a whimper leaning your lips, and he winks, turning to stride out the stables.

Your knees are weak, the man is positively deadly when he decides to become self-assured in his abilities. He doesn’t give you an exact time and you know he did that on purpose. Wanting you to anticipate his arrival. You finish up with the horses and hurry back to your apartment, immediately stripping down to climb into a bath and scrub every inch of your skin. You want everything to go well tonight and you think that it will, given his cocky attitude and that sexy wink.

Joel tries to concentrate for the rest of the day, showering after his patrol, and he groans when he thinks of you on your knees, the way you looked at him. His cock hardens again and he can't help but start to pump his cock. The image of you burned into his retinas and he swears he will remember that until the day he dies. Groaning, he rests his forehead against the cool tile until he grunts your name, hot seed hitting the ceramic minutes later.

****

He adjusts his jacket as he makes his way over to your place. He didn't tell you a time and he hopes you understood why. His cock already hard and adjusted in his jeans as he enters your apartment building. You left the front door unlocked so he opens it, shrugging off his jacket and boots. Letting you know he's arrived and taking his time until he slowly makes his way to your bedroom.

In the bedroom, you are already soaked, naked and spread out on the bed. You had repositioned several times, trying to find the sexiest pose, but ended up on your back. The door is halfway closed so you perk up when it slowly opens. Wondering if Joel will be nude too, or if he will still be dressed.

Joel's cock twitches violently in his pants when he finds you spread out on your bed waiting for him. He stands in the doorway and your eyes meet his. "Good girl." He murmurs, walking over to the foot of the bed, still dressed minus his jacket and boots. Feet bare on the scratched wood floor of your apartment and the bulge in his pants very noticeable.

“Fuck, Imma need you to say like a thousand more times tonight.” You admit, pressing your thighs together before deliberately spreading your legs slightly. His eyes are dark and you would be afraid if it was anger instead of desire in their depths. Your eyes slide down to the front of his jeans and you smirk slightly, proud that you affect him as much as he does you.

"Spread your legs." He orders, voice rough with desire, and you obey. He groans at the sight of your dripping wet folds, curls framing your pretty pussy. He reaches down to squeeze himself through his pants, "beautiful." He murmurs, unable to believe you are letting him touch you. His hand finds your ankle after he kneels on the edge of your bed, caressing the soft skin and sliding along your leg. You whine when his hand brushes over your sex and continues along your stomach until he's squeezing your breast.

You moan softly, pushing your chest up into his hand. Your eyes are fixed on him, waiting to see what he will do. Your chest is already heaving, cunt clenching around nothing as he takes his time. Joel doesn’t just rush into sex he squeezes your breast again and then takes your nipple between his fingers and rolls it just hard enough to make you gasp out his name.

He's already obsessed, loving watching you react to his touch, and he groans when you whimper. "Look at you. So fuckin' needy." He murmurs, switching to pluck your other nipple with his fingers while he shifts his weight onto one elbow so he can take the peaked tip of the breast he abandoned into his mouth.

“Oh god.” You hadn’t expected Joel Miller to be a fucking tease. His mouth is almost playful, tongue flicking over your nipple. He chuckles but you don’t do more than run your fingers through his silver streaked hair.

He groans when you tug on his hair, his cock pressing painfully against the zipper of his pants and he squeezes your tit before he abandons it to slide his hand lower. His fingers brush your soaked folds and he cannot believe you are this wet for him. He groans as he slides his fingers until he finds your clit, rubbing circles while he bites and sucks on your nipple.

“Fuck, Joel,” you whine, pushing your hips down. “Touch me. Fuck, let me- let me touch you.” You beg, needing to see him, touch him. “I want you so much.” You don’t care how pathetic you sound, all you care about is him fucking you.

"So fuckin' desperate." He mocks you softly but his heart is pounding at that fact. He swallows harshly and leans in to kiss your neck before he pulls his hands from your body. You whine but sit up on your elbows to watch him as he starts to unbutton his shirt. He wants to feel every inch of you against him. Shirt shoved from his shoulders and tossed across your room, his hands find his belt, ripping it open and finally he pulls the zipper of his pants down to free his throbbing cock. You moan and he smirks as he shuffles off your bed to shove his pants down. Kicking them off as he kneels on your bed once again. "How do you want me?" He asks, wanting you to decide while his fingers slide up your leg and push into your leaking cunt.

“Fuck.” He’s not lean with the rawness of youth, he’s broad, seasoned. Filled out with years and experience. The scar on his side is the one that you had heard he got between stays in Jackson, when he was taking Ellie on her ill-fated trip. Moaning when he curls his fingers up, you clench down around him. “However I can have you.” You choke out. “I can’t get pregnant.” It’s a reminder of his ability to fill you, to not pull out unless he wants to. “But sometime tonight I want to be bent over and you fucking me from behind.”

Joel groans at your words, ravenous for all of you tonight. He wishes he could fuck you like he was thirty but he's not. He pulls his fingers from your pussy, shifting to kneel between your thighs, and he wraps his wet fingers around his cock. You whine and he shuffles closer, slapping your clit with the head of his cock. "You want me, baby girl?" He asks, voice rough with desire for you.

“Yes.” You whimper, body tightening at his tone, the needy edge to his rough words. He can mock you for being eager, but he is just as bad. You spread your legs wider, hooking them on his hips and reaching down to caress his thigh as he shuffles closer. “I want you, Joel.”

That's all he needs to hear. He positions the head of his cock at your entrance, pushing into you slowly because he's thick and you are so goddamn tight. He groans as your searing hot walls envelop him as he pushes deeper into your pussy. "Fuck." He pants shifting onto his elbows as he hovers over you.

“Oh my god.” You moan, reaching up to caress his shoulders and your hips roll slightly, meeting the angle of his own. “Fuck, you’re so big, so fucking big inside me.” He stretches you, fills up every space inside you until there is nothing that isn’t taken up by him. Lurching up, you press your lips to his, curling your hand around the back of his neck to drag him closer as your tongue slides into his mouth. Taking charge of the kiss for a moment as he groans and twitches inside you.

He lets you take control of the kiss, tongue sliding against yours in a sloppy way that displays the pent up desire that's been building for far too long. "Fuck." He pants when he pulls back, kissing your jaw as he starts to rock his hips, setting a slow and deep pace.

This isn’t making love, there’s not an emotional connection between the two of you, not yet. This is more physical, deeply satisfying as he scratches an itch that you’ve been desperate to satiate for a long time. Sure you probably could have fucked anyone single in Jackson, but this is the man you wanted. “Fuck baby, you’re gonna wreck me, aren’t you?” You ask breathlessly, laughing at the prospect.

He chuckles breathlessly at the prospect and he wants to wreck you. Wants to ruin you for everyone else. His cock pushes deep and he adjusts his knees to push into you from a different angle. “You’re too fuckin’ good for me.”

You moan softly and wrap your legs around his waist. “Didn’t think that when I was sucking you off this morning.” You tease softly, your hand caressing his back as he moves. “Fuck, I thought about how you looked, how you tasted, all fucking day.”

He rocks into you, shifting his weight to one arm so he can slide his hand along your form,  his hand cupping your breast. “Yeah? You liked having my cock in your mouth, baby?” He rasps into your neck, pressing kisses there until he nips at your pulse.

You whine softly. “Yes.” You pant out. “Loved it. You look so goddamn good, did you like it?” Every man likes a blow job, but you want to know if he focused while he was outside the wall, if it helped him.

He nods, “loved it. Fuck, I couldn’t stop thinking about you on your knees for me. Lookin’ at me like that.” He confesses, “I kept thinkin’ about you. I haven’t stopped. Not since I met ya.” He reveals and leans in to slide his tongue into your mouth.

You groan into his mouth, kissing him back and loving that you’ve managed to get under his skin. Your hips roll up to meet his thrusts and you feel like he’s hitting a little deeper every time. “Fuck.”

He needs you to come apart for him, to prove to you that he doesn’t just cum in his pants like a teenager. He shifts, grabbing your calf to lift it onto his shoulder, “that’s it, baby.” He pants when you cry out his name at the new angle.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck.” He feels like he’s in your guts from this angle. Deep and his hips snap forward a little harder every time a squeal slips past your lips. “Oh fuck.” You moan again, eyes rolling back and your blunt nails dig into the meat of his shoulder blades as you hang on.

He loves how your nails dig into his back and he pants, “need you cum for me, baby.” He demands, his hand squeezing your thigh as he continues to fuck you hard, needing to feel the way you clamp down on his cock.

His pace is hard, harder than someone half his age. He’s sure of his thrusts, grunting and groaning when you tighten around him. “Joel.” You pant softly. “I need - fuck!” You are so close to cumming. So close to that perfect orgasm that will completely rip you apart, “I-“ your head tilts back and your breath catches right before your entire body tightens, crying out when he pushes deep again and pushes you her the edge.

You stiffen beneath him then shake like you’re experiencing an earthquake. Your eyes squeezed shut as almost inhuman noises escapes your lips. You squeeze his cock hard enough to cut off circulation and soak him but he fucking loves it. “Goddamn baby.” He murmurs, “good girl. Good fucking girl.”

He could call you a good girl for the rest of your life and you will die a happy woman. Body shaking as you ride out the pleasure until you just go boneless under him. “Fuck.” You whimper, kissing along his jaw. “Fuck, you’re amazing, baby. I’ve never cum that hard before.”

His stomach twists with contentment, and his back aches from fucking you so hard. He rolls over, bringing you with him, and you quickly shuffle to kneel, his cock slipping from your pussy. You whine and reach down, gripping him to push him back into your fluttering cunt. “Ride me, girl. Show me what ya got.” He orders, his hands smacking your ass.

He might even look better underneath you. His hands are gripping your hips, encouraging you to move. “Fuck, you feel even bigger.” You praise breathlessly as you start to bounce on his cock. “Joel,” your hands brace on his chest and you swivel your hips slowly.

He watches you with rapture, his hands leaving your ass to slide up your body. His hands find your tits, squeezing them as you ride his cock. “That’s it. Fuck. You look so fucking gorgeous like this.” He rasps, unable to believe such a beautiful woman wants him right now. You’re riding his cock, moaning his name. It makes him dizzy with pleasure.

Bending down, you kiss him, hips still rolling and your walls cinching down around his cock every time you move. You can feel how hard he is, how deep he goes. If you press hard enough on your stomach, you can probably feel him throbbing inside you. “You’re so fucking perfect Miller.” You praise. “Better than my wildest dreams.”

He can’t believe you’re saying this. You are too good for him and yet here you are, praising him, acting like he’s the best man in Jackson, hell, this fucked up world. “You’re so damn good. Fuck, so fucking beautiful.” He praises you, sliding his hands along your spine until he’s squeezing your ass again, helping you rock your hips.

You want to cum again. Addicted to the way his cock presses inside you. You kiss along his neck and his lips again. “I’m going to cum again.” You whimper against his lips. “Fuck, baby. I’m addicted to your cock.”

He pants, loving how your voice has taken on this high pitched gasp with each rock of your hips. “Good girl. Cum for me. Wanna feel it again. Wanna feel you cum for me. Soak my cock. Be my good girl.” He orders, thrusting up into you after planting his feet.

You toss your head back, crying out when he takes over. Panting and squealing every time he rocks his hips up, fingers digging into your waist and holding you in place while he fucks you. “Gonna- gonna cum!” You cry out before your body locks up again. “Joooooooooooellllllllll.” Your scream is so loud, your voice cracks halfway through your wail of pleasure.

He wants the entire fucking town to hear you scream his name. He loves it. He fucking adores it. “Yes. Yes. Fuck!” He growls, rocking his hips up into your pussy, pushing as deep as he can with you squeezing him like a vice. Soaking him. Fuck, he loves it. “That’s it. Fuck. I’m gonna cum. Can I - fuck. Can I - inside?” He wants to make sure it’s okay before he fills you up .

“Yesss.” You moan, not even hesitating. “Fill me up, want to feel you drip out of me.” You might have a little bit of a cum kink but you’ve never been so eager to have a make cum inside you. Before you would have them pull out just in case, but you don’t want Joel to pull out.  “Oh fuck, cum for me baby.” You beg.

He doesn’t remember the last time he came inside a woman. Probably pre outbreak. Too terrified to knock them up but you’ve promised him it’s safe. He grunts, wrapping his arms around you as he thrusts up into you, faster and sloppier than before. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He pants, moaning your name as he thrusts up into you, stiffening beneath you as his cock twitches.

The heat fills you, eyes closed as you moan. You press your face into his neck as he pumps you full of his sticky, hot, seed. It feels so good and you are practically limp by the time he finishes. Apparently Joel Miller has a lot of cum. “That was so good.” You mumble breathlessly, kissing his racing pulse again and again as you calm down. “Oh God, I can’t believe we just did that.” You giggle, completely relaxed and euphoric.

He smiles, probably the only real smile he's expressed since arriving in Jackson. He slides his hand along your spine, letting himself relax into your bed, and he's reminded that he's alive. He isn't fighting to survive right now. He wants to live for the first time since he can remember. "We can do it again." He promises, "you just gotta give me a while. I ain't young."

“You’re gonna wear me out.” You tease, lifting your head and grinning at him before you lean in and press your lips to his softly. “This was perfect.” You murmur. “You want something to drink? Or just lay here for a few minutes?”

Joel closes his eyes, “just lay here for a bit. Been imaginin’ this far too many times to move right now. Just want to savour you. Lemme feel you, baby.” He says, cock softening inside you but he’s in no rush to move.

You hum softly, melting against him. You know Joel can take your weight, he’s strong, so you don’t move off of him. Laying your head back down and your fingers stroking the freckled skin on his shoulder. “Bet you used to work shirtless before Outbreak.” You muse softly. “Building houses and breaking hearts of the women you put a show on for.”

He smirks, loving how you even think about that. “I was thirty-six. Didn’t need to work out when I had my job. I was happy to be shirtless. Now? I’ll keep it on.” He confesses his insecurity. “Had some horny housewives but me and Tommy wanted our business to succeed. A quick fuck and an angry husband wasn’t worth it.”

“Shit.” You huff and turn your head to kiss his chest gently. “You are still sexy, Joel.” You promise. “I’m not the only one that thought you were attractive when you showed up. I’m just the one who decided to try to jump in your bed.”

Joel smiles, kissing your hair, "I'm glad you didn't give up on me. I don't - I don't think I deserve anything good after all the shit I've done. I'm not a good man but you - you seem to see something in me and I ain't gonna take that for granted so whenever you want me in your bed, in your life...I am here."

You chuckle softly. “Oh, you shouldn’t have said that, Miller.” You warn playfully. “You won’t remember what your bed feels like if I have you in my bed whenever I want.”

****

Joel sighs as you sit at his kitchen table, your half eaten food in front of you as you tap your fingers. Things were going great. Better than great. You saw each other every day. Attended town events together. Everyone knew you were seeing each other but you are currently sitting at his table with a pissed off expression on your face. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” He asks, needing to hear you say it.

“It’s not gonna change anything.” You admit, poking at your food and not meeting his eyes. Things have been good, but it seems like you’ve been in some kind of holding pattern. Maria had come to you today and asked about vacating your apartment. You spent a lot of time at Joel’s, enough that the council noticed and if you weren’t sleeping in your bed, they could give it to one of the numerous refugees that continue to come into Jackson.

Joel sighs, knowing that arguing won't make it any better but he needs you to understand his reasoning. "I can't - it's, uh, I haven't lived with a woman like that - like an actual relationship - for over twenty years. I don't want to ruin what we have because I leave the toilet seat up or I breathe the wrong way. What we have can quickly go to shit and I...I don't wanna lose you." He admits softly, tracing the lines in the wooden table so he doesn't look at you. He had Tess, but you want more, you want a connection. Something that he had resisted with Tess, giving her all of him. Something that he doesn’t think he could do with you. 

“Maria asked me if there was any way I could let another family have my apartment.” You kind of feel like she’s pressing the issue to make Joel make a decision. “But I’m just going to tell her that’s not possible.” You stand up and pick up your plate to clean up.

Joel sighs, standing up to stand behind you. His arms caging you in against the sink and he leans in to softly kiss the nape of your neck. "I want you in my bed every night, I want to wake up holding you. Knowing you're mine. I hate you leavin'." He confesses, "I want you here...just promise me you'll talk to me if you aren't happy. I can't lose you too."

“I don’t want to push you.” You promise, feeling guilty for being upset at him. You twist around to face him and wrap your arms around his neck. “I’m happiest when I’m with you, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I just-“ you swallow. “We don’t know when the fuck our last day will be and I’d rather spend the rest of them loving you than anything else.”

Joel rubs circles on your hips, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours. “I know baby, I know. I- I want you here. I do. Will you- can you move in with me?” He asks, needing you to be by his side.

“Are you sure?” You ask seriously. “I can tell Maria to fuck off.” You bite your lip. “I swear this is her telling you to get your ass in gear. Either build faster or make a move with me. I’m not entirely sure which.”

Joel cups your cheek, “I’m sure. I want you here.” He promises, “let’s go get your things today.” He knows you’ll leave the furniture in the apartment so you need your clothes and personal items.

You nod, his hand still cupping your cheek. “If you get annoyed with me, you let me know.” You murmur. “I can spend extra time in the stables.”

He chuckles, nudging his nose against yours, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “As long as you come home to ride me.” He smirks, his hand sliding down your form until he’s squeezing your breast. “Now, that I can do.” You promise breathlessly and Joel smirks, “better get started then.” He takes your hand, guiding you to his bedroom…soon to become your bedroom too.

****

“Dina’s probably a better patrol partner.” You tease Joel, winking over at the younger girl. “She’s awake.” You know Joel would have liked to go on patrol with Ellie, but he had told them to let her sleep and told Dina to come with you and him. Dina snorts and shrugs. “That’s a positive.” She agrees. You clear your throat as you guide your horse along. “Before we go up to the mines, let’s swing through the company buildings.” You suggest. “There’s some Vaseline in one of the shops. Need some for the horses.”

Joel adjusts his grip on the reins, nodding in agreement. It’s early, the air heavy with a storm, and Joel exhales in a cloud of air that appears in the frigid weather. “Let’s go now. We might need to head back. Storms comin’ in.” Joel observes the heavy clouds gathering.

It’s been four years since you moved in with Joel and Ellie. Four years of falling deeper in love with him and creating a beautiful family out of those that remain. Joel’s nephew is precious and you love spending time with him, easing the ache of not having a child of your own. It’s quiet evenings reading while Joel whittles at the desk in the bedroom. Soft, slow love making when both of you are sore or just need a softer touch of reassurance. It’s been healing for both of you and you trust Joel explicitly, that’s why keeping whatever illness has been nagging you from him has you so uneasy. He would worry, incessantly so, and you don’t want him to do that when it’s probably just a lingering bout of flu that had gone through Jackson a few weeks ago. “Then let’s make this quick.”

Joel watches you as you ride a little ahead with Dina. He’s worried about you. You’ve been trying to hide it but he’s heard you throwing you in the early hours, the exhaustion that seems to seep into your bones when you think no one is looking. He’s worried about you and he decides that later, he will take you to the doctor. He glances around the town, making sure there’s no threats until he nods at you and Dina. “Don’t be long.” He orders, deciding to stay outside to keep watch.

“Call out.” You remind the younger girl, your gun in your hand as you make your way to the pharmacy. You know the will be occupied by the items left behind, the little store hasn’t been ravaged completely, which is why you wanted to stop. It’s a stupid idea, completely stupid, but you need to know. Making your way inside, you stop inside the door, listening for the sounds of infected. Just because the little mine town had been cleared doesn’t mean some might not have wandered in. After a moment you relax, looking around with your flashlight as Dina rushes towards some hair bands than are still hanging up. “We don’t need to be long.” You remind her.

Joel glances around, keeping watch, and he’s reminded of patrols he took with Ellie not long after returning to Jackson. The memories of teaching her to play guitar, helping her work on her aim, even helping her decorate her room. He’s happy you’re in the house, a buffer to help him communicate with a moody teenager who now hates his guts. He never got to that stage with Sarah. She didn’t get to experience the “I hate my dad” stage. Swallowing harshly, he decides to talk to you about how he can reconnect with Ellie.

You stare at the boxes for a moment, wondering what the hell you are doing before you grab several of them. “Fuck it.” You hiss, ripping one open right there in the middle of the store. “Gotta know. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s negative?”

Joel looks up as Dina comes back outside, her backpack full of stuff, and he says your name. Dina looks back at the store. “She said she had to pee.” Dina shrugs and Joel nods, still worried about you but he tries to not hover too much.

You shove them in your pocket, knowing that it will take longer for them to give you an answer than Joel will let you stay here without coming to check on you. You grab the Vaseline and the antibiotic creams that you had actually come for and head back outside. “Sorry.” You chuckle. “Coffee.”

Joel watches you as you get back on your horse and he frowns, noticing the way you frown. You look nauseous. Snow starts to fall and Joel frowns, looking up at the sky. “Let’s head out. We haven’t got a lot of time.”

“Okay.” You are nervous, even though you know that the test will come back negative. Even if you show all the signs for the first time ever, you can’t possibly be pregnant. “It’s getting colder.”

Joel leads the way, worried about you and Dina, and his radio crackles, telling everyone to come back to Jackson or take shelter. “Let’s go.” Joel orders over his shoulder, guiding you and Dina through the town until you come across the empty factory. “Let’s get in here until the storm passes.” He orders, pointing at the doors.

You lead the horses inside and shiver slightly. “Jesus. It’s really starting to come down out there.” You whisper, getting worried about what will happen. “Maybe we should go back to one of the smaller buildings.” You could find a stove and build a fire because it’s gonna get worse before it gets better.

Joel nods, “lemme go check. Stay here.” He orders, pulling his gun from his holster and he nods at Dina who stays on her horse in case something happens. Joel makes his way through the factory to the outside and that’s when he hears the infected. His heart pounds at the sound just as he sees a girl under a clicker. He doesn’t think as he pulls the trigger and he grabs the girl. “Are you bit?” He demands, dragging her through the yard until he’s storming into the factory. “We gotta go!” He shouts, the girl running behind him.

You don’t know what the fuck is happening, one second everything is quiet and the next there is a gunshot and Joel is running back into the building with a strange girl. “Joel?” The sound of infected gets louder and your blood chills, the test in your hand shoved back into your pocket. “Joel!”

“We gotta go!” He orders, heart pounding at the thought of you and Dina being in danger. “You okay, kid?” He asks the young girl who nods and Joel grabs her hand and pushes her up onto the horse. Within moments, the doors burst open and Joel shouts for you to ride.

“Shit!” There’s a fucking horde on your heels, the horses racing as fast as they can, but you aren’t gaining much ground between you and the group of infected that what to tear you apart. “We have to hurry!” You shout, looking over your shoulder at the wave of danger that is creeping closer.

Joel stops for a moment, glancing over his shoulder, and he sees the smoke coming from Jackson. “We gotta go back.” He shouts, ice forming on his facial hair. “There’s no time.” The girl declares, “there’s a lodge. My friends are there.” Joel nods, “are they armed?” He asks and she nods. “Good. We will head there, get prepared, and head to Jackson to help.” He orders, riding up the mountain in the blizzard in the direction the girl points.

You don’t like this. Don’t trust it, although you don’t have much of a choice. Why were these people up on the mountain in the lodge? You don’t have time to question it, the temperature is well below zero and you’re in danger of hypothermia and frostbite if you stay out here.

You soon find the lodge and Dina is shaking uncontrollably as you enter the property. The wind chill is gone once the door is shut and Joel shrugs off his coat and rushes over to you. “Are you okay?” He asks, rubbing your arms after your coat is off.

“J-just c-cold.” You promise, teeth chattering and you barely listen as the girl starts introducing herself. “We- we have to get home.” You tell Joel, not paying her any attention. “The town…” through the window you can see the fires burning and you can’t imagine what is happening down there.

Joel squeezes your shoulders, turning to look at the town. He grips the walkie talkie in his hand. “Jackson. Come in. Jackson.” He growls into the radio and that’s when one of the women grabs Dina and a man grabs you. He immediately reaches for his gun but guns are pressed to your foreheads.

“Joel.” You freeze, breathing shallow. “Shut up!” The man who is holding you hisses, shaking you slightly and you see Joel flinch as he thinks about attacking him. “We don’t have anything.” You promise him. “Just take whatever you want.”

Joel places his gun on the floor, raising his hands, and his heart is pounding. The girl he rescued asks him what they look like and Joel’s eyes flick from you to Dina and back to the girl. “Military.” He says, brow furrowing, “fireflies.”

The medic puts Dina to sleep and approaches you with a needle. “No.” You struggle against the man’s grip, the barrel of the gun pressing into your temple. “You can’t give me that, you can’t give me that!” You shout, terrified that whatever they might give you could hurt the baby. The girl, Abby, snorts. “Scared of needles?” She huffs. “Nooooo!” You squirm away from the needle again. “I’m pregnant!”

Joel feels like he’s been punched in the gut. His eyes widen and they meet yours, seeing the fear in your eyes. There’s nothing he can do. They outnumber him and he doesn’t have his gun. “Leave her alone!” He shouts, his voice desperate as he sees you struggle and he knows you’re telling the truth.

“You’re lying.” Abby spits, but you shake your head. “My jacket pocket.” You stammer. “I took the tests this morning. Please- we didn’t do anything to you. Let us go.”

Abby reaches into your pocket, taking out the tests and Joel feels sick. His eyes flick around the room, desperate to find a way out of this situation. To keep you and Dina safe. He wants to squeeze his eyes shut and pretend this is all a nightmare. Abby eyes the tests and the medic of the group looks over her shoulder. “Two lines. She’s pregnant.” Joel’s nostrils flare and tears sting in his eyes when your terrified eyes meet his. “It’s okay, baby.” He tries to reassure you, “it’s okay.”

It’s not hard to figure out who’s baby you are carrying and there’s a grim smile of satisfaction on the girl’s face as she looks from you to him. “He’s a little old to be a daddy.” She chuckles dryly, waving the test around. “But he’s handsome, so good for you.”

Joel’s hands shake a little but he steels himself, jaw clenched as he watches Abby pick up a shotgun. For a moment, he’s worried she’s going to spin around and shoot you but within a blink of an eye, he’s screaming as he lays on the floor. His knee is blown out, and he chokes at the agony that washes over him.

“Joel!” You twist out of the man’s grip and rush over to Joel. “Fuck.” You hiss, seeing how bad the injury is although he’s clamped his lips together to keep from making too much noise. “It’s okay, baby.” Your fingers tremble as you rip at your belt to take it off and use it as a tourniquet. “It’s okay.”

Joel knows he’s going to be killed. The look on the girl’s face. He knows and the worst part is he’s not scared of death but he’s terrified of leaving you alone. Of leaving you pregnant with his child. He wants to fight but that would only get you and Dina killed alongside him. “I love you.” He murmurs, reaching up with a shaking hand to caress your cheek. “Okay. That’s enough.” Abby declares and the man grabs you again, dragging you away, and you start to sob. “Please. Please just let us go. We haven’t done anything.” You beg but Abby chuckles as she kneels down next to your lover. “You haven’t.” She says as she looks at you, “but your boyfriend here has.” She begins her speech about her father and how she was taught to fight with morals. Joel doesn’t listen, his eyes fixed on you as you cry for him.

“Oh, just shut the fuck up and do it already.” Joel snaps, tired of hearing her bitch about how unfair it was that he killed her father. He doesn’t want you to watch, but this bitch apparently wants you to suffer. You choke out a sob when Abby picks up the golf club and comes towards him. “Please, don’t.” You beg softly.

Joel knows she’s going to beat him to death and he hates that this will be your last memory of him. “Close your eyes.” He orders, “close your eyes!” He shouts when you continue to stare and within seconds you squeeze your eyes shut. Abby smirks as she swings the club, hitting him in the head, and he tries to smother his scream but the pain is too intense. The club comes down over and over again on his body until he’s laying in a pool of his own blood. His mind is cloudy with pain but he prays you’ve kept your eyes shut.

You don’t keep your eyes closed. Weeping as you watch Joel absorb hit after hit, the golf club snapping in two and Abby switching to punching Joel in the face. The man still has you tight in his grip, and you resent it, unable to help him. “Please.” You whimper through the tears. “He- he’s not that man anymore.” You try to reason with her. “He’s a good man. He saved people, he has saved so many lives. He saved your life.”

Joel can hear you pleading for him, for her to stop, but it sounds like he’s underwater. His body is numb, and he can feel himself drifting, losing the life in his body. When he hears a scream, his heart stops. Ellie. She’s here.

“Stop!” Ellie is wrestled to the ground and you struggle when you see her, trying to break loose again, but he cocks the hammer back on his gun. “I don’t want to kill you.” He hisses quietly, making you sob. “Please stop.” You beg Abby again. “You- you made your point.”

Abby’s chest heaves and the one holding the gun says, “end it. End it now.” Ellie is screaming at Joel to get up. He hears her begging and he wants to stand, wants to fight now that ve knows you’re carrying his child but all he can do is twitch his fingers. Abby picks up the broken club, walking towards Joel. “No. No. No. Nooooo.” You wail and Ellie screams just as Abby stabs the stick into his neck.

Your visions blurs, narrowing until everything goes dark and you crumple in the arms of the guy who had been holding you. “Gonna kill her too.” Abby smirks as she walks towards where he is crouched over you, putting you down on the floor. “No.” He shakes his head. “That’s not what we signed up for.”

“She’s pregnant.” One of the women protests and Ellie is shaking, “I’m going to fucking kill you.” She promises with a yell and Abby doesn’t care. “Fine. She lives.” Abby decides as the group gathers their things, leaving the lodge.

You don’t come up until Jesse is kneeling down beside you, checking you. Gasping as you open your eyes and the first thing you see is Joel and Ellie. The young girl laying on top of him, sobbing hysterically and you know that he’s gone. You can’t stand, your entire body aching with sorrow, but you crawl over to them, covering her and him with your own body as you cry. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Ellie.” You know they have been estranged, you’ve lived through the tense silence and the battle of wills. Now, there is no hope for reconciliation.

Ellie is numb as Jesse gets her and Dina up on a horse. He wraps Joel’s body up to take it back to Jackson and tears stream endlessly down your cheeks. No one says a word as you ride back to Jackson. How the tables have turned…Joel is now cargo.

****

Your eyes are red rimmed and burning, but not from the fires that still burn in Jackson. The orange glow flickers through the windows and gives an unnatural light to the darkness. The silence in the room is filled with sorrow, you’re the only one here that isn’t stretched out on a table, covered with a sheet. “I’m so sorry, baby.” You whisper, looking down into the bucket to grab the rag and squeeze the excess water. You had insisted that you be the one to do this. Ellie can’t. She’s in the hospital, the parting gift of a kick to the stomach from the group that had killed Joel had punctured a lung. Sedated, and quite frankly, not up to doing this task. You reach for his hand and wipe some of the blood off it gently, as if you are afraid to hurt him. “I didn’t know I could get pregnant.” You promise him. “I didn’t lie, baby, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Tommy walks into the makeshift morgue, finding you with Joel. Where you've been since returning to Jackson. "Sweetheart, you need to sleep." He says softly, "you need to eat something. Not just for you, but for the baby. You know he'd be reprimandin' you for not takin' care of yourself."

Your lips stretch slightly as you look up at him for a moment. Reaching up to touch his hand as it rests on your shoulder. Tommy is a good man, one that you have spent a lot of time with over the past four years since moving in with Joel. “He knew.” You tell him, aware that Jesse has told Tommy and Maria about your condition when you got back to Jackson. “I told him- before he-“ you pause, blinking back new tears. “Hopefully he didn’t hate me for it.”

Tommy shakes his head, “he never would’ve hated you. He loved you. Never thought I’d see him be in love again but you made him so happy. If anything, if I know my brother, he hated leavin’ you pregnant without him.” Tommy sighs, “but you have us. Me and Maria and - and Ellie. She had to be sedated again but she will wake up soon.”

Your chin wobbles slightly. “He’s with Sarah now.” You murmur, standing as you put the rag down on the table beside Joel’s body. “I’ll give you a minute with him.” You know that Tommy’s bond with Joel ran deep and he will miss his older brother. You stop for a moment. “I hate them.” You tell him quietly. “I want them all to die. Every single one of them. As painfully as possible.”

Tommy nods, knowing how you feel, and he wants that too but he has to think about everyone in Jackson and not just his feelings and desire for revenge. “Go get something to eat.” He reminds you, squeezing your hand, and you nod, making your way out of the room with tears in your eyes.

****

You aren’t dumb, you know Ellie is leaving tonight. Dina just left and you stroke your growing stomach as you reach for the box that you have kept. There’s an air of discontent in town, a grumbling under the normally positive sounds of rebuilding. Even though the council had voted, more people than you imagined had spoken to you about their sorrow for Joel’s passing. You knew that it had been a long shot, but you had hoped that they would feel your need for vengeance. Walking out to the garage, you tap on the door quietly. “Ellie, it’s me. Open the door.”

Ellie's eyes widen but she knows that she can't hide from you. She sighs, opening the door to the garage, "you can't stop me and I don't need a lecture." She spits out before you can say a word but she watches your eyes trail over the guns and ammo spread out over the floor.

You whistle, taking it all in before you look at her again. Her jaw is set, stubborn. So much more like Joel than she would probably ever admit. “You’re missing something.” You tell her, making her immediately frown and look around. “What? What am I missing?” She demands, making you smile as you hold out the box in your hand. “This.” You tell her. “You kill that bitch with this.”

Ellie opens the box, eyes widening at the sight of Joel's gun. She swallows, lifting her gaze to yours, and she nods. "I'm gonna kill her. For us." She promises, her hand softly landing on your bump. "Dina is coming with me." She confesses and you smile, having seen what neither of them have realized yet a long time ago. "Good. You will come back...you gotta meet your sibling." You say, placing your hand over hers. She nods, "I'll be back. Gotta see if the baby looks like you or if they are unlucky, Joel." She teases, offering you a soft smile.

“I’m going to stay here.” You promise her. “This house will always be your home. You will always have space here.” You haven’t been able to get rid of anything of Joel’s, even his woodworking projects look like he will walk in at any moment and pick them back up. It’s been three months since that horrible day and you still dream about it. You don’t know if you will ever not; but you’ve taken care of yourself. For Joel and the baby. Because he wouldn’t want you to just curl up and waste away. Even Gail had offered her services to you, none of usual bitter sarcasm in her words. “Always.” 

Ellie smiles at you and sets the gun down on her desk before she wraps her arms around you, gentle to be mindful of your bump. "He really loved you, ya know?" She murmurs, "so do I. You're like the mom I never had." She confesses, "I'll be back. I am gonna kill that bitch and those assholes and I'll be back." She promises softly.

You hug her and press a kiss to the top of her head. “He loved you too.” Ellie had finally told you why her and Joel had been estranged at the end. You had understood both positions and why they had been at odds. “With every fiber of his being.” You pull back and look at her. “He would be proud of you.”

Ellie nods and steps back when you say, "be safe, El." You order and she snorts, "always am." You playfully roll your eyes and rub your bump. "I'll see you when you return." You promise and Ellie nods, watching you go. She's leaving at three and you'll be asleep by then but she will come back and tell you she got revenge for all of you.

**** 

“Oh, you are hungry, aren’t you?“ You coo, looking down at the baby that is greedily gulping down milk at your breast. “That’s it, baby boy, you eat.” Your son, named after your lover, was born just a month ago. Healthy and perfect, you wish that Joel was here to see him. “You want to see your daddy?”

You carry the baby over to the only photo you have of Joel. A Polaroid he took with Ellie, and you pick the frame up to show your son. “There’s your daddy. He’s watching over you, you know? From heaven. He never thought he’d end up there but I just know he is. He was a good man who did bad things because he had. He’s up there now, watching over us.” You murmur and the baby coos after pulling away from your nipple, eyes unfocused as you hold the frame towards his face. “I’ll see him again one day. When I’m older and you can survive in this world without me. You’ll be a fighter, just like your daddy. Another Joel Miller for the world to see.” You coo and the baby closes his eyes as he falls asleep in your arms. You set the frame down and cradle him, cooing softly, unaware that Joel is watching you, Sarah standing beside him, while they oversee the ones they left behind.

[angrybubbles]

I think one of my favorite parts of Devil's Minion is that their flaws really suit each other to a degree.

Daniel is harshly blunt. He speaks deliberately and without any fanfare, and you know exactly what he means as he says it. Even when he's insulting you, and especially when he's angry, his bluntness is front-and-center. This is probably why he's been divorced twice, because this kind of behavior is cute and refreshing at first, until he starts laying out the problems with you.

Armand needs that kind of bold speech. That man could overthink himself out of how to tie shoelaces on a bad day, and part of his difficulty with Louis in the show is insecurity and doubt. With Daniel, he knows exactly where he stands, which is probably why he would take some of Daniel's worst moments as truth. Armand has the consciousness to know he's capable of some heinous shit, and doesn't really take part in guilt on it too much, so he's uniquely suited to handling insults being thrown at him.

And Armand is all about subtly. He'll lie and soothe; talk around something or simply avoid it physically. Not to mention the hall of mirrors that exists in his mind and memories. He masks to suit what is expected of him in order to fit a role, but it is just a mask, so it doesn't feel genuine to those looking for a deep connection. And it's up to his perception of reality to figure out which mask he needs.

Which Daniel, solver of puzzles and professional snoop, is never going to be bored with it. What is Armand doing today? Why is he acting this way? The process of finding out is how Daniel makes emotional connections, and every day or week with Armand would be a new task. The truth of Armand is a process of collaborative discovery, and Daniel not only thrives on challenge, but also on mystery.

Idk, I just think it's neat. Obviously they still step on each other's toes, and the growing pains are uh, flammatory, but they still are uniquely suited to handling bad days with each other, as long as they aren't having a bad day on the same day (cue horrible fight and another chase across the globe because they love each other anyway)

[oopsiedaisydeer]

how to lose a guy in 10 days

slow burn, mutual pining, dual pov, fake dating, angst, comedy, miscommunication, fluff, enemies to lovers (kinda)

word count - 700ish

day one

Boston bars on a Thursday night had a specific flavour… half-sour beer, half-sweat, half-despair.

The kind of place where office workers unwound and undergrads overcompensated. She fit somewhere in the middle, technically employed, emotionally unmoored, trying not to think about the fact that she was doing this on purpose.

Her drink came sweating in its glass. She took one long sip and scanned the room, reminding herself: first guy who smiles.

She didn’t have to wait long.

Two minutes later, in walked Matt Sturniolo, hat tucked in his back pocket, rings on his fingers like he was trying a little, but not too much. 

He had spotted her immediately. Alone at the bar, one heel slightly hanging off her toe, like she hadn’t decided whether she was staying or leaving. When she met his eyes and smiled, he thought, Shit. That’s her. 

He walked over anyway.

“Hey,” he said, leaning just close enough to be heard over the ambient buzz. “Can I buy you a drink?”

She raised her glass. “Bit late for that. This one’s already mine.”

Matt blinked, smile just a little crooked, like he didn’t trust it to land right. “Right. So… maybe your next one?”

She tilted her head. “You always open with math talk?”

He laughed, nervous but genuine. “Only when I’m nervous.”

That made her pause. She expected smooth, maybe cocky. Not this. “You’re nervous?”

“A little. You looked like someone who’d see through bullshit.”

He gave her a look as he did this, scanning her posture, the way her skirt hiked a little too high from how she sat, unintentionally flirty, hair slightly wavy, haloed by the bar’s neon light. 

She smiled again, slower this time. “Fair.”

They talked. Not for five minutes. Not for fifteen. For nearly two hours.

He asked her favourite movie. She said The Truman Show and then wouldn’t explain why.

She asked about his worst habit. He said, “Saying I’ll call and then forgetting my phone exists.”

She gave him a look. “That’s comforting.”

“You haven’t given me your number yet,” he said. “So technically, I’m still innocent.”

She snorted. “Charming.”

Someone’s laughter cracked in the background, but all he heard was the ice clinking in her drink as she laughed at him.

“Flattered. You’re terrifying, by the way.”

She tried to hide her smile behind her glass.

“Do you always go to bars alone and talk to strangers?” he asked her then.

“Only on nights when I’m feeling creative on my mission to try and ruin my life.”

He laughed, the sound coming all the way from his stomach. When he finally caught his breath, he told her, “then I guess I’m your lucky mistake.”

“You wish.”

He raised his eyebrow at her and she looked away, already reminding herself the point of all this flirting. But fuck, it didn’t hurt that he was hot. 

When the bartender called last call, she didn’t check the time. Neither did he.

She pulled on her jacket. Matt cleared his throat, watching her down her drink as he subtly pulled out his phone.

“Can I get your number?”

She raised an eyebrow, playful but cautious. “Already?”

“Well, I don’t know if I’ll be able to find you in this bar again next Thursday.”

She tilted her head. “You planning on being here again next Thursday?”

He grinned. “Only if you are.”

She looked at him for a long moment, like she was weighing something. Then handed him her phone.

“Text me something weird,” she said, a small smile on her face. “So I know it’s you.”

As they left the bar, Matt held the door open for her, and she slipped past him, brushing her hand gently over his forearm as thanks.

I'm gonna make you wish you were dead, she thought to herself as she looked into his eyes.

As Matt met her stare, there was only one thought on his mind: You're already falling in love.

Later that night, as he was brushing his teeth he remembered the girl from the bar. He pulled his phone out, letting the toothbrush dangle from his mouth as he found her contact.

Back in her apartment, she tossed her phone onto the bed, feeling the kind of buzz that had nothing to do with alcohol.

And across the city, Matt lay in bed staring at the ceiling, already wondering what the hell kind of trouble he’d invited into his life. Because this girl?

He ran his hand through his hair sighing, realising he had no idea what he’d just gotten himself into.

But for fifteen grand? He was all in.

One down. Nine to go.

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws ꨄ

a/n: i hope you guys like this <3

[crushpunky]

actress!reader gets asked about drew

masterlist | actress!reader masterlist

based on this ask. a sort of compilation of y/n telling cute stories <3

Y/n settled in the chair opposite the podcast’s host, Claire, adjusting the mic as the interview began.

“Hello and welcome to another episode of Chit-Chat with me, your host, Claire Hale!” Claire said cheerfully before turning to face y/n. “Today we are going to be talking with the wonderfully talented y/n y/ln. Welcome!”

“Hi, thank you so much for having me.” Y/n smiled, smoothing a hand along her pants as the two of them launched into casual conversation, ranging in topics from y/n’s childhood to her favorite movies and her morning routine.

“So, I think the people are dying to know, how is married life?” Claire said, dropping her jaw open exaggeratedly. Y/n laughed, absentmindedly fidgeting with the diamond ring adorning her finger.

“It is great.” Y/n smiled. “I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy, y’know? Like I thought that I was happy before we got engaged, but actually being married is a whole other level.”

“Ugh, that’s so cute.” Claire swooned, causing y/n’s cheeks to warm as she thought back to the memory of waking up this morning in Drew’s arms. It was something that happened nearly every morning, but each time it made her heart flutter and fall impossibly more in love with him.

“I’m not even trying to over exaggerate or put on an act, I am just genuinely so happy right now.” Y/n continued, folding her hands in her lap as she smiled to herself.

“I think we are all so happy to hear that.” Claire nodded. “You and Drew have been together for such a long time, it’s so nice to just see two people who truly love and care for their work and each other. Speaking of, how do you guys sort of find that balance between work life and personal life, with both of you spending so much time away acting or away on projects?”

“It’s taken a lot of practice,” y/n chuckled. “Lots of hours of late night FaceTime calls and missed dinners until we both kind of decided that we needed to set up some boundaries and some of what we call ‘no excusers’.”

“‘No excusers’?” Claire asked, leaning in intently with a quirk of her brow. Y/n nodded, thinking back to when Drew and her had originally come up with the term. It had been after Drew missed a dinner with y/n’s parents, a dinner he had promised to be at amidst his busy schedule, just a day after y/n had to cancel on one of their preplanned coffee dates.

“Yeah, Drew and I sort of set up this system where we have certain things that we call ‘no excusers’.” Y/n explained. “They are things that the other person has to be at, or at least help to reschedule to be at, no excuses.”

“Both of us have such busy schedules, so it can just be super easy to retreat into yourself and just say ‘oh I’m too busy’ or ‘I can’t’, but we both knew that we wanted to be there for the other person when they needed it most, even if it was hard.” Y/n continued. “So, with the ‘no excusers’ we are sort of making a promise to the other person that we can count on them to be there for us, no excuses.”

“Really making sure to set aside time for you guys and your relationship and what’s important to that relationship.” Claire clarified.

“Yes.” Y/n agreed. “Neither of us had really been in a relationship with another actor or person in the industry, so we knew we had to make time for each other in our busy schedules if we wanted to keep this relationship.”

“That’s really sweet.” Claire grinned. “So, speaking of busy schedules, how did you guys find time out of yours to get married? I mean both of you had such huge and busy years last year, so I think everyone was pretty shocked to hear that you guys got married.”

“I think we were pretty shocked that we found the time too.” Y/n joked, causing Claire to laugh. Y/n remembered back to all the hectic planning on sets and over FaceTimes, getting dresses tried on between meetings with producers, tasting different cakes from the comfort of their home, pajamas on.

“No, but in all seriousness, I think we were both just so excited to get married that we were going to find time for it no matter how busy our schedules were.” Y/n said. “Both of us could barely wait a minute longer, like I remember that we had a countdown on the whiteboard in our kitchen, ‘Days Until We’re Married’, and we just made a huge deal of it each day counting down. Music, dancing, cheering, the whole shabang.”

“Stop, that’s so funny.” Claire chuckled.

“Our neighbors probably hated us, but we didn’t care.” Y/n giggled. “Like, did you expect me to not be excited to marry the love of my life?”

“No, you’re right, I can only imagine how excited you guys were.” Claire nodded. “I mean, you’ve been together for so long, like, four years?”

“Publically, yes, but privately about five.” Y/n giggled as Claire’s eyes widened.

“How did you guys even manage that?” Claire asked incredulously. “I mean, Outer Banks, like, blew up during that time, you must’ve had so many eyes on you.”

“Ha ha, yeah, that was certainly a very interesting time.” Y/n chuckled, remembering how the two of them would try and sneak around downtown Charleston, ducking into darkened allies to kiss like teenagers.

“It was during COVID, so for a while we just stayed inside. There weren’t very many opportunities to catch us, aside from the occasional social media post or livestream, but I think that we kept it pretty lowkey. I mean we already lived together, so we weren’t going back and forth between each other's places or anything like that.” Y/n continued. “But when things kinda started going back to normal, and we were going out more and more eyes were on us, it certainly became a lot harder.”

Y/n thought about a particular time in which a fan had snuck a picture of the two of them sitting on a bench just off the beach. The two of them shared AirPods, chatting casually. They hadn’t even realized that y/n had ended up perched in Drew’s lap, his hands resting on her hips as their faces sat just inches away from each other. They were too caught up in the moment, and in each other, to realize they were in public until they saw the photos later that afternoon.

“There were… multiple times where people pointed out something or noticed something that we hadn’t even thought about and we thought like ‘oh shit, we’ve been caught’, but we always managed to sorta weasel our way out of it.” Y/n giggled, brushing a bit of hair away from her face. “It was hard, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

“Yeah,” Claire nodded. “That sort of situation definitely helps you guys to keep the relationship real, y’know? How did you guys decide to keep it private for so long? Was that a mutual decision?”

“Yes, yes it was definitely something we both agreed upon.” Y/n said. “I think we both wanted to make sure that our relationship was authentic and real, not just something shaped by other peoples’ perspectives or opinions. I really do think that that time where we kept things between ourselves helped to shape our relationship.”

“I know you said you kept it between yourselves, but other people definitely knew, right? They had to.” Claire asked.

“I honestly think that some of them knew before we knew ourselves.” Y/n laughed. There were so many moments and stares shared by the people around them who recognized the very obvious feelings between y/n and Drew. So many friends and family members would comment on the almost magnetic attraction the two exhibited, practically unable to go anywhere without the other. 

“But in all seriousness, yes people knew.” Y/n continued. “We kept it just between us for like… a month, month and a half maybe? But then we shared it with our friends, the Outer Banks cast, but they kinda already knew since we were all living together. Then a little after that we told our parents on FaceTime— because of COVID— and they also kinda had their suspicions.”

“That’s so funny.” Claire grinned. “Well, y/n, I really appreciate you taking the time to Chit-Chat with us! It was so much fun!”

“Thank you so much!” Y/n grinned. “Thank you for having me, it was a lot of fun.”

“Once again, thank you for watching and thank you for Chit-Chatting with us!” Claire said, her and y/n waving goodbye to the video and listeners at home.

[sunnyside30]

I don't think we talk enough about what Mac falling for Johnny means in terms of his perception of love and his relationship to Dennis. I mean, we talk a lot about Dennis catfishing and e-dating him and the sexual component of it —which gives us plenty to unpack about Dennis' psyche, so it's understandable— but my favorite aspect to dissect is Mac's willingness to "fall in love" with a ghost.

In the episode, Dennis mentions there being texts between them so we know Mac wasn't just talking to a wall the whole time, but he's been stood up by Johnny so many times.. yet he keeps at it, keeps going on errands and to motels just in case Johnny decides to actually meet him this time. He's constantly waiting for someone who never shows up for him, and that's reflective of Mac's entire character. He keeps searching for love and validation from his mom, his dad, Dennis.. and when he doesn't get it, he just keeps on pushing, putting in more effort because maybe this time it will be enough. He holds so tightly onto his faith in god, a being he can't even see or hear, but that represents a hope for eternal love if you do everything right and conform nicely to its supposed expectations.

Mac isn't a stranger to loving distant beings, so of course he fell in love with Johnny. He's so desperate for someone to love him back but the only form of "love" he recognizes is a distant kind. That's why he can't give his date from the episode a chance, and why he doesn't want anything to do with uncle Donald. Easy and earnest love isn't something Mac knows. Hell, it isn't even worth it. Love, in his experience, requires work and sacrifice, otherwise what's the point?

This also plays a lot into his dynamic with Dennis, and why Mac will never let go of it. Sure, we saw him kind of trying to move on in 'The Gang Gets Romantic' by fabricating a love story for himself with Greg, and a more genuine attempt in 'Frank vs. Russia' by dating Johnny, but all roads eventually lead back to Dennis. A part of it can be attributed to Dennis not letting him move on —keeping Mac at arm's length while giving him just enough to keep him hooked— but that's not all. At this point I don't think there's anything Dennis could do or not do to put a definitive end to Mac's obsession with him, because he's exactly the type of person Mac craves in his life. As mentioned before, Dennis is someone that makes him earn his love and respect, and Mac can't find that in other potential romantic partners. He already tried looking for it online, where you can meet all kinds of people from all kinds of places, and who did he find? Dennis.

Obviously, the Johnny thing being orchestrated by Dennis means that Mac "found him" on purpose, but the point here is that Mac didn't know that. From his perspective, it was a fresh start with someone completely new, a guy that met his subconscious requirements. It just so happens that his requirements are Dennis. Because as mushy and gooey as it sounds, at the end of the day Mac is irreversably in love with him. He loves Dennis so intrinsically that he falls for him a second time, without even being aware of it. And I suspect he always will, no matter how many times he tries to move on.

[paucubarsisimp]

comfort

pairing: jude bellingham x reader, hector fort x ex!reader

summary: in which hector cheats on you and you find comfort in jude

warnings: mentions of cheating

a/n: this was requested on my wattpad, lmk if i should do a part 2.

the madrid night air was colder than usual — or maybe it just felt that way because your chest was cracked wide open.

you didn’t know where you were going. you’d left your phone buzzing on the hotel nightstand, unable to look at it after the message from hector. “i’m sorry. it just happened.”

1 and a half years of dating. quiet cafes, rooftop kisses, whispers in catalan you’d started to learn just for him. and it ended with four words.

you blinked against the wind, your heels clicking too loudly on the sidewalk as you kept walking aimlessly through the dim streets of salamanca. cars passed, couples laughed in restaurants behind glass windows, and everything felt too normal for a night when your heart was falling apart.

you weren’t even looking when you ran into him — literally.

you turned a corner too fast and collided with someone tall and solid. your shoulder hit his chest, and your breath caught as you stumbled back.

"oh—" you started, but he caught your arm gently before you could fall.

"hey, hey, you okay?" a voice asked, calm and warm.

you looked up. he was tall — taller than you expected — in a hoodie and joggers, curls a little messy, a takeaway coffee in one hand and worry in his eyes.

"i— yeah. sorry. wasn’t looking," you mumbled, brushing your hair out of your face.

he tilted his head. "are you… crying?"

your eyes widened. was i? you reached up and realized, yes — your cheeks were wet, your eyeliner probably a mess.

"oh god," you whispered, half laughing, half humiliated.

"no, no — it’s okay," he said quickly. "look, there’s a bench right there. do you want to sit down? i won’t ask anything, i swear."

something in his voice was so genuine that you found yourself nodding before you even thought about it.

you sat down on the edge of a wooden bench beneath a streetlamp, the air between you tense but not uncomfortable. he sat a respectful distance away, sipping his coffee.

"bad night?" he asked after a pause.

you let out a breath. "the worst."

"want to tell me about it?"

"i don’t even know you," you said, glancing at him.

he gave you a soft, sheepish smile. "that’s kind of the point. clean slate. no judgment."

you studied him for a second, the way his eyes stayed gentle and didn’t flicker to your lips or your legs like most guys you met. he didn’t seem interested in anything except being human. being kind.

"…hector," you said finally, the words stinging as they left your mouth. "my now-ex. cheated on me. apparently it 'just happened.'"

his brows lifted. "damn. i’m really sorry."

"yeah. me too." you looked at your hands, suddenly embarrassed again. "you probably don’t care. sorry. i shouldn’t be trauma-dumping on a stranger."

he laughed softly. "i mean, technically you ran into me. i’m just standing here being nosy with caffeine."

that pulled a tiny laugh out of you, the first real one in hours. "fair enough."

"i’m jude, by the way," he added. "and i still think he’s a complete idiot."

you blinked. jude. wait. jude bellingham?

now that you really looked at him, it was obvious — the soft british accent, the familiar curls, the quiet confidence. your eyes widened slightly, but he held up a hand.

"please don’t freak out. i’m just a guy who likes late walks and caramel lattes."

you smiled despite yourself. "okay. jude, the guy with a caramel latte. thank you."

he nudged the cup toward you. "want a sip? it’s good."

you looked at him like he was kidding, but he just raised a brow, so you took a cautious sip — sweet, warm, and oddly comforting.

"so… do you live here?" he asked after a beat.

"no. just visiting for a shoot. supposed to be flying back to barcelona tomorrow." you exhaled, your voice tight again. "or maybe not. i don’t know anymore."

"take your time," he said quietly. "no one says you have to figure it out tonight."

you were quiet for a while, just sitting side by side, watching the occasional car go by. you could still feel the heartbreak under your skin, but it didn’t feel as suffocating now.

"you’re not what i expected," you admitted softly.

"how so?"

"i figured someone like you — famous, busy, whatever — wouldn’t stop for a stranger on a sidewalk."

"i’m not always in the mood to be the 'famous' version of myself," he said. "sometimes i just want to be jude, the guy with a weird sleep schedule who gets a coffee at 10pm and bumps into people with broken hearts."

you smiled, resting your chin on your knees. "you’re good at this."

"what?"

"being kind. listening. making someone feel like they’re not falling apart as badly as they are."

he looked over at you, eyes soft. "maybe you’re not falling apart. maybe you’re just starting over."

starting over. the words echoed in your chest like something you didn’t know you needed.

"do you want to walk for a bit?" jude asked, standing and offering a hand.

you hesitated only for a second before taking it.

—

you ended up walking through quiet neighborhoods for nearly an hour. no cameras, no fans — just you and jude, talking about music, football, favorite takeout orders, and childhood memories. you told him things you hadn’t told anyone, and he did the same.

he didn’t treat you like someone broken. he treated you like someone he wanted to understand.

as the night grew quieter, he walked you back toward your hotel. the lobby lights glowed from the windows, but you stopped a few steps before the entrance.

"thank you," you said. "i know i barely know you, but… tonight would’ve been unbearable without you."

he smiled. "then i’m glad you ran into me. literally."

you laughed, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. "so… what happens now?"

"what do you want to happen?"

the question hung in the air between you — honest, open, without pressure.

you took a breath. "i want to keep talking. keep walking. maybe not tonight, but… soon."

"then let’s do that," jude said, pulling out his phone. "can i get your number?"

you took his phone and typed it in, saving your name and handing it back. his thumb brushed yours for a second longer than necessary, and your heart jumped a little.

"goodnight, jude."

"goodnight, mystery girl with perfect coffee taste."

you laughed, cheeks warm, and turned toward the hotel. when you looked back, he was still standing there, watching you — not in a possessive way, but in that gentle, steady jude way.

and for the first time since your world had fallen apart, you realized it was still possible to feel something real.

taglist: @barcapix, @universefcb, @nngkay, @joaosnovia, @ilovebarcaaaa, @levidazai, @hollyf1,@mxryxmfooty, @halfwayhearted lmk if you want to be added!

[towasdandelion]

Can you also make a part two with sinostra frostheim and mortkranken with hickey smau?

👉👈

Yes! Here it is, the last part basically hehe. Hope you like it! Warning suggestiveeee

Sinostra, Mortkranken and Frostheim ghouls when they leave a hickey on you

Taiga... Do I even have to say anything? He treats biting you like a full time job. And he doesn't care about his surroundings either. You can be minding your own business taking a walk around the campus and he will just appear out of nowhere and bite your neck, getting a very embarrassing sound out of you. Shame? Not in his dictionary. So yeah, don't expect him to take your whining seriously in any way. It's not going to change anything whatsoever. But hey, at least he's usually careful enough not to hurt you with his sharp teeth!

Romeo will literally lie through his teeth. He always says how unhygienic and weird it is and how he would never bruise your skin like that but then somehow, mysteriously some marks appear on your neck. Naturally you just had to confront him about it. And behold, there's your one in a million chance to see Romeo embarrassed. He's annoyed with himself. Why couldn't he just resist? What was so good about it that made him think about doing it again? Well, I advise against teasing him too much or he will legit get upset. If it happens again don't bring it up either. Just accept his love bites.

Ritsu hmm I guess he would sneak one in here and there when he's feeling extremely affectionate. Or when you two are studying and he catches a glimpse of your exposed neck. He's not really embarrassed about it either. It's just one of the ways to express his love after all, so your reaction is a bit confusing. Oh, so it's about your image? You do have a point then. As the best lawyer, he cares about his appearance a lot after all. It won't really make him stop biting you though, no. He will just leave his love bites somewhere no one else can see them from now on.

Don't ask me why but I see Jiro being addicted to biting you. He just loves seeing and tracing the small bruises with his fingertips whenever it's just the two of you. He genuinely doesn't realize the effect he has on you. Affection is a normal part of every healthy relationship, isn't it? You could say it's very straightforward for him. He doesn't see the point in hiding anything. If he likes someone, he shows it - fair and simple. So long as you're okay with it, he won’t stop marking you with those subtle signs of how much he cares.

The "this is unsanitary!!" guy number two - Yuri. He swears he would never do something like that, adding how's there are many better ways to show affection. And yet... One day you see a small purplish mark on the back of your neck. (Yes he was trying to be sneaky hoping maybe you wouldn't notice it there) Let's just say he's less than pleased when you bring it up. It's just for science he says! (Science my ass he's just delusional and won't admit his desires for you) Well, he understands your embarrassment because he's pretty embarrassed himself. Probably won't do it ever again unless you reassure him it's okay. You should also promise him that you won't be bringing it up each time it happens.

Jin’s definitely an actions speak louder than words kind of guy, so marking you is right up his alley. He loves reminding you that you’re his whether it’s his hand on your waist everywhere you go, or draping his jacket over your shoulders like it’s second nature. Though his favorite is actually marking you. He doesn’t see why you’d get so embarrassed about it. To him, it’s just natural and instinctive. A quiet, physical way of saying mine without needing to say a word. And if you catch him glancing at it later with that faint smirk? Yeah, he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Tohma usually goes for kisses rather than hickeys, so you might feel caught off guard when you notice a small mark on your collarbone peeking from underneath your unbuttoned shirt. Oh, so at least he was considerate enough to leave it somewhere a bit less visible. When you ask him about it later, he’ll just smile, asking you to show it to him. That one picture from you makes him sure - this is not going to be the last one. It’s rare for him to act like that, but now that he’s started? He’s definitely not planning to stop.

Lucas isn’t the type to act on impulse, especially not with you. He’s always measured, always gentle, so when you catch a mark low on your neck it genuinely catches you off guard. You send him a photo later, asking if he’s aware of what he left behind. He doesn’t deny it of course. He feels a little embarrassed getting exposed like that but that's something he can put aside. What he can't however is your reaction. He's hoping he didn't make you feel to uncomfortable or weird. What can I say, sometimes even someone like Luca will give in to his desires

Kaito is not exactly known for bold moves. Don't get me wrong he wants to make a move here and there but often he just.. chickens out, thinking its probably not a good moment. And so the tiny mark just under your collarbone unexpected, to say the least. He’s more the type to apologize for breathing too loud. You decide to confront him about your finding. The 'read' appears immediately but there's no reply. He's probably screaming into his pillow right now. Five minutes later your phone buzzes with a flood of texts - panicked, and awkward. He may be spiraling but deep down he’s also a little proud, smug even. Just too scared to admit it out loud.

[orangepeelknives]

feel like in my last post it was All About Mack. let me be verrrrry clear here that where i think mack is a lottttt more obviously Fucked Up, will smith hockey is also not Normal, because a Normal person would nawttt be laughing off the punching of a windshield like a silly lil joke. 

okay so okay let’s crack will smith open like a little fortune cookie of buried emotional responsibility. cause yeah, he’s chill. yeah, he’s confident. yeah, he’s a golden retriever in a backwards hat. but he is also chronically, deeply, expertly trained in the art of putting his own shit aside to keep the peace and keep people happy, and it shows.

let’s start with the family dynamics, cause that’s where this started. will was raised by a Boy Mom in a loud, loving, over-involved house where feelings weren’t ignored, but they were managed. you didn’t sulk, you didn’t explode, you kept it moving. you made it fun. you kept the vibes good. will was the glue. the golden boy. the one who doesn’t cause trouble. the one who soothes it. that’s what he brings with him everywhere: a pre-loaded script of how to keep the energy easy.

so yeah, will is secure. he’s kind. he’s loved. but he’s also exhausted. he’s been doing silent emotional labor since he was a kid. being the mascot. the morale guy. the one who’s always fine. and that’s whyit’s so hard for people to notice when he’s not fine, because he’s just so fucking good at pretending he is. enter, every single time post loss, it's will doing the comforting, will clapping guys on the back, will being summoned to mack's side, will dragging mack out of the rink and taking him home and feeding him milk and cookies and corralling him onto a flight to boston the next day, will accepting being the butt of most of the teasing, will dragging leno off the ice after losing.

enter: mack.

mack is the first person who needs will in the most primal, obvious, inescapable way. it’s not subtle. it’s not masked. will knows he’s the first call, the emergency contact, the comfort object, the human emotional support dog. and in my opinion he loves that. he lives for it. but… it also deepens the pressure. because if will is not okay? mack won’t be okay either. and will knows that. so when he’s hurting? when he’s homesick or anxious or spiraling or having a shitty game? he still has to perform calmness. he still has to laugh it off. he still has to do that little tight-jawed exhale and say “nah i’m good” because mack can’t take it if he’s not.

even the will x leno history plays into this, there’s something very poignant about the fact that leno needed him too. and from what we can tell, leno fucked up and will is the one who pulled away first.maybe because he could feel the weight of someone else needing him that hard, and maybe for once, he needed to be the one who got chosen? he needed ease. he needed someone to lean on. and mack? despite being a disaster? gives him that. not always emotionally, but in other ways, the routines, the affection, the automatic closeness. will never has to ask mack to show up. mack is already there. literally 24/7. actually mack is unshakable. 

back to the windshield of it all: a normal person doesn’t laugh off the shattering of a windshield like it’s a silly prank from your wacky, feral little freak friend. a normal person doesn’t look at an act of genuine property destruction born from rage and go, “aw, buddy.” but will smith hockey does. every time. and that says just as much about him as it does about mack.

because here’s the thing: will doesn’t just brush it off. he normalizes it. smooths it out. laughs in the exact right tone so that mack won’t spiral into shame. gives him the easy out. “don’t worry about it.” “you good, dude?” milk and cookies at home. like nothing happened. like mack didn’t just blow through a physical boundary without blinking.

and why?? how is that not setting off alarms?

because will doesn’t know how to have boundaries. he knows how to be accommodating. he knows how to de-escalate. he knows how to keep the peace, keep the mood right, keep the vibe light. but no one ever modeled for him how to say: hey. that hurt me. that scared me. you crossed a line. think about what we know about the USNTDP of it all. changing in the hallways??? being schooled online so that your whole world narrows down to hockey and the people who play it???

then it’s college, and he brings the same boys with him. makes it feel safe. familiar.

and then san jose. grown men. wives. babies. mortgages. they go home after practice. they have lives. they’re kind to him, sure, but they don’t orbit him the way his old teammates did. they don’t need him like that. they’re not waiting for him on the couch with mario kart and dumb snacks. they’re not texting him at 2am cause they’re freaking out over ice time.

yet again, enter: mack.

mack, who has no off switch. mack, who is so volatile it’s intimate. mack, who relies on will like it’s a biological function. who doesn’t hide when he needs something. who crawls into will’s space and stays. and for will? that is a relief. not a burden. a gift.

because mack is the only person in will’s life who keeps him looped in at all times. no drifting. no separation. no independence. it’s obsessive, chaotic, needy, and will eats it up. because it means he still matters. it means there’s still one person who wants him there constantly, who still texts him from ten feet away, who still waits to eat until will sits down, who loses his mind when will’s focus shifts even slightly.

that’s home. that’s what will knows. boundarylessness is familiar. it’s where he learned to thrive. and in a locker room full of adults with healthy relationships and time-blocked therapy appointments and children, mack is the only one who feels like his world used to feel. close. urgent. codependent.

so yeah, will needs mack right back. maybe not for emotional caretaking in the same obvious way. but for belonging. for rhythm. for closeness that doesn’t require effort. and that’s why he doesn’t flinch when the windshield breaks. that’s why he doesn’t draw lines when mack spirals. 

[mikkeneko]

OK it does look like nobody else has done a ChengSu manifesto so here goes:

1. what existing problems does the ship solve?

1a) On Jiang Cheng's side: Qin Su meets pretty much all of his spoken requirements, and probably a lot of the needs he didn't actually articulate when he was writing up his "please god I don't want my parents' relationship" questionnaire. From everything we know of Qin Su in canon she is good-natured and competent at running both a household and a Sect. She was kind to Jin Ling even when he was a direct competition to her own child's inheritance; she certainly would be no less so when they're not in competition at all! Overall, having a dedicated partner on his team, especially one as even-tempered as Qin Su seems to be, would be a great benefit to Jiang Cheng's mental health.

1b) On Qin Su's side: Literally any marriage partner who is not her half-brother would be better for her. Okay, that's a low bar to clear, but genuinely speaking, Madame Jiang is an extremely good post for any cultivator lady looking for a good marriage. They're not AS rich as the Jin, but they're certainly rich enough (demonstrated in the post-timeskip) to meet any woman's needs. We also know that Qin Su admires and is attracted by a brave cultivator and is not put off by her partner having seen war and killed people. Sect Leader Jiang is a good catch and Madame Jiang is a good post. There is not even a mother-in-law to worry about; she would be the uncontested Lady of Lotus Pier.

1c) Also, they could have children, who would not need to be murdered later to cover up surprise incest. Again: very low bar to clear, and yet.

2. what new problems does the ship create?

This ship generates an entirely new raft of problems depending on when exactly they get together.

2a) If the matchup happens during or after Sunshot -- say, if it happened to be Jiang Cheng who rescued Qin Su rather than Meng Yao -- then that causes the least problems, as it avoids the surprise-incest trap altogether. However, that gives the problem of Wei Wuxian. Qin Su will now be tied to the Sect that is tied to the most infamous man in the world, with all the attendant headaches. She's a nice lady, but it would be asking a lot for any woman to put up with that political AND emotional shitshow as a BIL without protest. Though she might try, for Jiang Cheng's sake.

For his side… I think that Wei Wuxian, as insane as he can be about Jiang Cheng, would not put up any overt resistance to this marriage. I think that he would recognize that this is a valid move for Jiang Cheng to make and that Qin Su is a valid partner, and he might even be able to clear the bar of being able to recognize that this situation is not Qin Su's fault and not lash out at her overtly. However, it is going to fuck him up emotionally, on top of a whole boatload of other destabilizing factors, and it is entirely possible that his grief and resentment for The Person Who Took Jiang Cheng Away From Me would emerge in some oblique and unconscious form. When your necromantic poisonous zombie-controlling magic can be influenced to action by your repressed emotions, that's not good!

While I think Jin Zixuan would still be ahead of Qin Su in the list of Collateral Damage Targets just because he's known and disliked him for longer… there is still some potential for trouble, if Wei Wuxian and Qin Su are in too much contact.

2b) If the matchup happens after Wei Wuxian's death, but before marriage to Jin Guangyao/conception of Rusong -- this is possibly the best outcome for all involved, but it's an extremely narrow window. This scenario would require 2A to happen, diverting her from falling in love with Meng Yao, but for them to wait until after Nightless City 2 to actually marry; or, it would require Madame Qin's secret to break early enough for her and JGY to call off their courtship before Rusong's conception. (Or for Jiang Cheng to be willing to take a wife already pregnant with Jin Guangyao's child, which might be reputation-suicide depending on how far along she is or how widely this fact is known.) If they somehow managed to thread that needle, other problems would at least be postponed for a decade or so until Wei Wuxian comes back (possibly deferred permanently, but possibly not, see point 3.)

2c) If the matchup happens post-canon -- if Qin Su somehow survives canon events -- then there are no further landmines. The worst that can happen has already happened. Unfortunately that also means that the stigma of incest with and widowhood from the Jianghu's new #1 pariah will follow Qin Su into her new household, possible for the rest of her life, and likely taint Jiang Cheng by association. If he's willing to stick it out, though, they could possibly have a happy ending.

2d) And finally, no matter when it happens in this timeline, there is still the problem I discovered when I actually wrote ChengSu in Undeath of a Salesman: having a wife and potentially children in play is irrevocably going to shift Jiang Cheng's priorities, even away from his lost Shixiong-lenore. No matter what feelings he continues to have about Wei Wuxian, he is dutiful enough that he WILL put his wife first, simply because his father didn't. This might or might not be a good thing, depending on the third question, which is…

3. what in-law drama does the ship cause?

So the issue here is that Qin Su is still related to Jin Guangyao -- whether or not the two of them were ever married -- and that means that the chance of them being dragged into ugly Jin drama is high. It seems likely that Nie Mingjue's murder and Nie Huaisang's revenge will still happen in this timeline regardless of whether Qin Su marries Jin Guangyao or not. That means that there is still a chance that a) her heritage could still come out, causing scandal to her and thus to the Jiang, and b) Nie Huaisang could try to use Qin Su as a lever against Jin Guangyao, regardless of whether they were ever entangled. Can we imagine a recast of the Guanyin Temple sequence where Qin Su is somehow present -- perhaps collected as a valuable hostage to ensure Sect Leader Jiang's compliance -- and Nie Mingjue/Baxia goes after her for her Jin blood the same way he went after Jin Ling in canon? Can we imagine that Jin Ling is still present, and also a target, and Wen Ning can only save one of them?

call for propaganda

looking to advance from the golden core brainrot stage to the nascent soul brainrot stage - in other words, looking to get into more jiang cheng ships lol

everyone please respond with propaganda for your favorite jiang cheng ship

for maximal propaganda effectiveness please follow this format:

what existing problems does the ship solve?

what new problems does the ship create?

what in-law drama does the ship cause?

imo an ideal ship has content for all 3 questions

please and thank yew

[lilianade-comics]

Has Danielle tried considering Danny's perspective on Vlad? The guy tries to hit on your married mom the instant you meet him, has attempted multiple times to kill your dad, *clones you* (which, as the clone themself, I can see this being a morally grey dilemma because they wouldn't exist if that didn't happen), etc, etc. Is she truly aware of the type of sleazy scumbag he is and simply doesn't care? Is her perception of him warped that much due to bias?

Not saying she isn't allowed to love Vlad as a parent, of course, especially when she's the first and likely only person he (in your AU) genuinely cares for and treats with any amount of respect.

I was just wondering when the two finally form a mutual understanding that, "Yeah, Vlad sucks as a person. I won't betrayal him, and you can't change my mind, but I at least acknowledge how he's made your life hell." Surely, they do at some point since they're seen causally hanging out and getting along in your other comics without much issue. They don't have to entirely stop being enemies, either, as they're naturally on opposing sides because of her loyalty, but she can still sympathize with him and find the whole situation a bit depressing to say the least.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Merely wanted to spill my thoughts and curiosities after seeing your Eye-for-an-Eye snippets. Would love to see or hear about the first time they sit and have an actual heart-to-heart conversation about everything that doesn't devolve into an argument or physical fight.

Danielle at this early stage in this AU is more in denial about Vlad's villainous behavior than she is later, and she's mostly ignorant of Danny's personal experiences with him. She thinks the best of Vlad because she's his child, and because Eye for an Eye isn't exactly the most ideal circumstances for her to meet Danny, they're going to be pitted against each other in an antagonistic rivals relationship for a handful of "episodes". From Dani's POV, Danny is the so-much-better-than-her ideal golden boy that her father (used to be) obsessed with, and Danny had her home destroyed, so Dani is not currently keen to hear Danny's justified objections to her father's lengthy rap sheet.

Urban Jungle is going to be the much needed Danny & Dani relationship development episode, because it's the perfect backdrop for them to come to an understanding since they'll be the only two people who escaped Undergrowth's control. Two incredibly similar rivals, one town to save, and a ton of interpersonal issues to work through. They'll end that story on much better terms than they did in Eye for an Eye, and Dani will begin to morph into Danny's chill cousin instead of his bitter rival.

(In the meta sense, Dani's stubborn defense of Vlad is meant to mirror Danny's stubborn defense of Jack. I'm not saying either one is right or wrong for this or that Jack and Vlad are a 100% fair comparison, but I am saying the kids are kindred spirits and both feel they are in the right. That being said, Dani becomes a relatively neutrally aligned character rather than a traditional antagonist, and she's just as likely to side with Danny later on as she is with Vlad.)

Thanks for the ask! Rambling is great, and it's helpful to me to have to try to articulate what I'm doing with this AU. (I originally envisioned this monster as half semi-serious canon rewrite, and half obnoxiously self-indulgent fanon fluff. And since it's based on season 3, there are so many pacing and narrative direction issues to try to account for that I. Simply haven't done that. So it's kind of all over the place & I couldn't tell you how the AU ends because I don't know :P)

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage June 2025 Issue ft. Karuma Interview (translation below)

Publication: May 12, 2025

Wish Hunter

As the Gozyugers were fighting against the Buraidans, who had emerged from the No One World, a mysterious warrior, known as Ring Hunter Garyudo, suddenly appeared in front of them. He's a Sentai Ring hunter who's taken down countless Ring Warriors that formed contracts with Tega Sword by using a gun that contains the power of TegaJune, the Buraidan Queen. While known as Kuon, his true identity is Tono Hisamitsu, the older brother of Hoeru (GozyuWolf), who he became separated from in the No One World.

Hoeru always saw his older brother as Number One, and had feelings of affection and respect for him. However, for Kuon, who had abandoned his old name, Hoeru is his beloved little brother, or rather, a "doll" whose feelings he distorts with the desire to do as he commands. At one point, Hoeru was enslaved by Kuon's words that rejected the idea of ​​fighting in order to search for his genuine wish, but he was determined to face the others and the world through fighting, and so he cut ties with him.

The first round of the brother's confrontation ended in a victory for Hoeru. Defeated, Kuon utters the words, "I'm going to break you. And then, you're……going to break me," but what's the true meaning behind these disturbing words? What'll happen on the battlefield when the gong rings for their second round?! _

-I don't want people getting used to Kuon-

"Please tell us how you felt when you heard that you were going to appear."

Karuma: In the beginning, I'm almost certain that Kuon wasn't the official name of the role, but I had heard that he was a nuanced character that held an important position on the enemy side, and that he could transform. I would've never imagined that I'd be asked to join a Sentai, so I was surprised and thought, "Eh, what do you mean?," and "What color will I be?" After that, I learned about his setup in phases, and was shown Garyudo's picture among other things. I thought he'd be an impactful character who'd show off the core of Gozyuger's chaotic story, so I went into filming thinking, "I'm going to steal the show all at once!"

"While Kuon seemed to be a kind hearted person, he left a strong impression by revealing his cruelty when he rejected Hoeru's individuality and provoked the other Gozyugers."

Karuma: When I began filming, it was before the show started airing, but I felt that the Buraidan characters were so appealing, that the viewers would adore them. Before filming, I struggled with how to portray Kuon as nuanced, but I thought that if there's characters who are meant to be loved, that I should devote all my energy into playing a role that attracts hatred.

"That's true, Kuon's the type of character that's never existed on the Buraidan side before."

Karuma: That's right, he's a really bad guy (laughs). He's calm, but there are times when "a screw becomes loose," and he'll say some surprisingly relentless lines that'll make you think, "Are you sure you're allowed to say that?!," so I think his presence is one that creates a sense of tension within the show.

"There are times where he shows his irregular affection for Hoeru."

Karuma: In my mind, Kuon……I believe that Tono Hisamitsu was quite close to Hoeru in the past, but there have been many depictions that give off the feeling that he's insane. I'm playing the role with the understanding that behind his love, there's also a considerable amount of hatred and resentment being hidden away. I have a feeling that Kuon holds such negative feelings not only for Hoeru, but also about a variety of other things.

"What's your impression of Hoeru's Fuyuno Mio-san?"

Karuma: When I was first told about it, the cast hadn't been decided on yet, so I wanted to know whose big brother I was going to be as soon as possible. When I finally saw his picture, I thought, "Ah, as expected, he's a good looking guy just like me" (laughs). I was told by the staff that Mio had been a fan of mine for some time, and in fact, when I met him for the first time on my first day of filming, he was like, "Huwah……" He was trembling so badly that he looked like a frightened puppy (laughs). When I talked to him, it seemed that he bought my book among other items. I thought about using that as a way to get closer to him, but Hoeru has a great deal of respect for his older brother, and I thought it'd be okay to have abit of distance between us, so we went into filming without any changes. Going forward, I'd like to close the distance between us at our own pace.

"Although Kuon stands in a unique position, he shares many scenes with Fire Candle and Bouquet, who are also on the Buraidan side."

Karuma: When I first met them, I got the impression that they were exactly as I had imagined Fire Candle and Bouquet from reading the script. They both have such beautiful voices and perform so well, that it made me worriedly think, "Can they hear my voice?" (laughs). Still, I haven't had that many Buraidan scenes, and there are quite a few instances where Bouquet is there, but Fire Candle isn't. He basically goes solo when he fights, and among the Buraidan characters, he's got more of a lone wolf side to him. In that regard, I'm eager to enjoy more of the Buraidan scenes.

"How do you communicate with Garyudo's Suit Actor Saito Kenya-san?"

Karuma: The day we started filming was close to Saito-san's birthday, so we started things off with me saying "happy birthday" (laughs). I thought that I may have to take Garyudo's movements into account depending on how I played Kuon, so I first told him what kind of person I thought Kuon was and how I was going to play him. Saito-san also tells me what movements he's planning, and whenever I meet up with him afterwards, I'll say things like, "No, that was amazing!" and "I'll do my best with post recording too!"

"What's important to you when doing post recording for Garyudo?"

Karuma: I'm providing my voice while being conscious of the fact that Saito-san's the one playing Garyudo. However, it's really difficult recording for Garyudo (bitter smile). Since his character is so strong and composed, it's important to insert my voice not just in all the action scenes, but anywhere I can, and I have to watch each movement and guess carefully, so it's difficult. Still, I want to be the best at doing the recording out of everyone, and I'm working diligently to reach the level where people will think, "It's Karuma, so he can do it" in the shortest amount of time possible. Also, it's difficult for me to keep my enthusiasm down while still giving off his fighting spirit and overwhelming sense of strength.

"If you let your emotions get the best of you, it might diminish his sense of depth."

Karuma: That's right. I want to make people think of it as a signal that "when Kuon's like this, it's going to be a bad time," and I feel like I want to surprise them by showing my emotions exactly where they should be shown. From a broad perspective, there seems to be alot of things to consider, such as not raising my voice except in really emotional scenes, or giving a glimpse of his scary side so that it'll make you feel like, "Whatever this guy decides to do, he's just gonna do it."

"You're taking the entire production into account as you create the role of Kuon, aren't you?"

Karuma: Yes. As for myself, I don't want people getting used to Kuon. I don't want people to have a fixed idea of ​​"what kind of person Kuon is," and I think that because there are aspects of him that are "unimaginable," he can become a character that'll cause speculation and get people to use their imaginations. Because of that, I'm playing the role with the utmost care.

"So far, what episode has had the most memorable scene?"

Karuma: Episode 9 is memorable not only for its story, but also because I took the initiative and went beyond what was in the script. There's a scene where I strike the table while talking with the other four Gozyugers at Tega Sword Village, but that was something I adlibbed. I really wanted to scare the four of them by letting his emotions explode there, but I didn't say anything about it when we were getting everything set up, and just did it suddenly during the performance, thinking, "Hate me." I ended up breaking stuff like the menu board (laughs).

"You may have put too much emotion into it (laughs)."

Karuma: Even for the final scene, when I'm squirming from the pain of my wound, I told Producer Matsuura, "I'm going to do it with the intention of making children cry," and yelled at the top of my lungs without thinking about whether they'd even use it. I could hear the people around me nervously saying, "Is this alright?" but Director Tasaki gave it his OK after my first attempt.

"So you were able to get Director Tasaki to accept your performance."

Karuma: I worked together with Tasaki-san for the first time in episode 9, where he called out to me after filming finished. I initially thought he was upset with me over it (laughs), and was just thinking about accepting whatever was coming my way, but then he asked me, "Where are you from?" When I answered with "Fukuoka," he said, "That's not what I meant, what did you originally do?," and "I like that you don't do the kind of acting that most normal people think of doing." As for myself, I was really enthusiastic about "breaking down the conventional Super Sentai," but then I thought about whether or not the flow of the set had been established, and felt that I was close to "retreating into my shell." Episode 9 had many memorable scenes with Kuon, and I acted with the feeling of, "I'm scared, but I'm just gonna let it all out!," so hearing Tasaki-san's words made me very happy.

"Finally, please tell us what points you'd like us to pay attention to in episode 12 and onwards."

Karuma: In the coming developments, events will occur that'll defy the viewer's imaginations, making them feel like, "I see, so that's the answer you've come up with!" When I read the scripts, I thought, "Ah, this is seriously interesting!," and was quite fired up when I performed. For me, these are my favorite episodes so far, and I hope you don't miss a single episode either.

[rensficreblogs]

Harumasa Asaba x gn! Reader. Reader is a newly hired assistant for Section Six.

A/N: Back at it again- I guess writing is more fun than I thought it would be.

On your first day working as an assistant to Section Six, you simply tried to observe what made the four core members tick. Soukaku was easy enough to figure out- she was extremely food and praise motivated. Captain Myabi seemed to be driven by a strong sense of justice and duty. Yanagi was a bit difficult to figure out, but you ultimately put together that she was the glue that kept Section Six running. 

Try as you might, you simply could not find the reason behind why Harumasa worked like he did. Well, maybe you should say why he didn’t work like he did. Most of his time at the office was spent daydreaming, napping, and chatting up anyone who would listen about anything other than the work in front of him. You were apparently one of his favorite victims for the ladder. 

“What’s your favorite place to get dinner?” He asked out of the blue when you walked past him with a fresh stack of copies hot off the printer. Your first day, and you were already being put to work running typical office errands, trying to help out in any way you could. 

“Um…” you thought for a moment, stopping adjacent to his messy desk “I guess waterfall soup? I haven’t really been able to get out to try much else,” you answered, just to give him an answer.

“Ah, the noodles there are super good. A friend of mine introduced me to them a couple of months ago,” he said with a smile. 

The very next day, he caught you in the hallway, refilling your water.

“Hey, what do you do when you aren’t working?” Harumasa asked like you two weren’t practically strangers.

Lifting your finger from the button to dispense water, you looked over at him, “Well, besides sleeping and eating and stuff, sometimes I play games or watch movies-“

“You like movies?” He interrupted, “What kind?”

Truly a man of a million questions, this one. Before you could give an answer, Yanagi seemed to appear from thin air, ready to whisk you away.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she began in her ever calm and cool voice, “but could you come help me with these papers for a moment?” 

You quickly turned to face her, not wanting to disappoint your superior so early in your employment.

“Right, of course,” you began to walk away, freshly filled water bottle in hand, but not before turning to the man leaning against the water cooler. “Sorry, we can talk later, ok?” 

By the look on his face, he seemed slightly disappointed, but he still replied with a quiet “yeah, sure…”

The next few days on the job were much of the same- running around, taking care of whatever you were asked to, and, of course, more seemingly endless and random questions from Harumasa.

On Friday, he approached you at your desk just as you were finishing up your lunch.

“Hey there, are you doing anything after work today?” He inquired as he placed both hands against the desktop and leaned forward towards where you sat.

You thought for a moment- the only thing you could come up with is that you needed to do laundry.

“No, I should be free, why?”

“The other day, you said you liked movies, and I just so happen to know some people who own a great video store down on Sixth Street. You in?” He asked, looking down at you with those bright gold eyes. 

Perhaps it was out of fear of disappointing your coworkers, maybe it was genuine curiosity, but you nodded.

“Sure, sounds good. I’ll meet you at your desk after I clock out,” you replied with a small smile.

He clapped his hands together “Great, see you then!” He exclaimed. Then, off he skipped back to another part of the office. 

For the rest of the day, you found it hard to focus on work. Thankfully, you didn’t make any big slip-ups that could get you reprimanded. Eventually, you made it to the end of the workday.

You couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or excitement you were feeling at the idea of being invited to go somewhere by a coworker. On one hand, this had never happened before- on the other hand, this had never happened before. 

Your feet seemed to move on autopilot as you fell more and more into your own thoughts. Soon, you found yourself standing in front of his desk, just as promised. It seemed that he had just woken up from one of his naps just moments before, if his big yawn and stretch were anything to go by.

“You ready?” He asked sleepily. You nodded and he stood up with a smile, beginning to place some of his personal belongings in his bag.

He chatted at you pretty much the entire journey- all the way from the office, to the train, and to Sixth Street before he went quiet for a moment.

“Here we are- Random Play! Best video store around,” he leaned closer to you with a smirk “And trust me, I know all the best places.”

With that, he led the way to the front door, opening it for you and everything.

“Welcome in- oh, hey Harumasa, long time no see!” The grey haired man behind the counter greeted. “And who’s this with you today?” He asked.

Harumasa chuckled a bit, closing the door behind you both. “Ah, this is (y/n), section six’s new assistant. (Y/n), this is Wise, he and his sister run this joint,” he said, gesturing to the man you now knew as Wise.

“Nice to meet you,” he said with a small smile and wave.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” you returned the greeting.

“Now,” Harumasa interjects, “pick out anything you like, it’s on me. Think of it as a little welcome to the group gift, yeah?”

Not wanting to be rude, you thanked him before moving to peruse the selection of videos on display while Harumasa sauntered over to the front to chat with Wise. 

As you picked up a tape- seemingly an action film from a few years ago- a girl with a box full of videos slid up next to you.

“Don’t feel too bad or like you’re taking advantage. When he says ‘it’s on me’, he means with his discount,” she giggles. This must be Wise’s sister- they had the same eyes. “I’m Belle by the way,” she says with a smile.

Just then, you felt an arm lay across your shoulders. “Find anything good?” Harumasa asked. Based on what you had observed at work, he was a rather touchy person, always giving out hugs and putting his hand on people’s shoulders. 

You tried to just ignore his affection. “This one looks interesting,” you held up the brightly packaged tape for him to see.

“Oh, I love this one,” he said, with a bright smile.

“It’s one of our favorites, too!” Belle chimed in.

“Well, in that case,” Harumasa began, “guess we’ll have to get this one,”

Suddenly, the tape is snatched out of your hand and out of your reach.

“Oh no, guess I have it now,” he taunted, skipping to the front desk and passing Wise a few dennies.

“Guess if you want to watch it, you’ll have to come over to my place this weekend,” he smiled.

As those words left his mouth, you felt your face start to flush. Belle and Wise giggled slightly at your expense while Harumasa simply shrugged with a coy smirk in your direction. It would seem this was all a part of his master plan.