#I know Harry technically survives the first game
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Literally, every time my dad plays a game about dads, the dad dies in the end. What the hell?
#Rahney Rambles#Silent Hill#Silent Hill 3#Bioshock#Bioshock 2#Bioshock Infinite#Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea#Resident Evil Village#I know Harry technically survives the first game#But he’s still brutally murdered by 3#The only exception I can think of is Bioshock#Because Jack got to live a full life by the end of it#But you still were forced to commit patricide#Fucking beating your dad to death with a golf club
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My DSAF Headcanons!
woof, I forgot to post these-!
also, these are all of the characters (from DSAF) that could pop up in my replies.
Jack
Jack is transmasc, gay, and polyamorous. He used he/them/it pronouns.
I interpret and portray Jack as neutral, leaning towards Legacy.
He does not reciprocate Dave’s affections. It’s more like stalking than a healthy, loving relationship.
He is a pussy haver if anyone wanted to know that. (Looking at my friend group-)
Jack is dramatically underweight and very skeletal in appearance. If the orange makeup is washed off, he has rotting green skin underneath.
He’s 5'10.
Dave
Dave identifies as a genderfawn pansexual. He uses he/them pronouns.
Dave is a very silly person most of the time, but he can be cunning and dangerous at times. Really harassing him is the only way to get this sort of behavior out of him. Personality-wise, I would compare him to a mix of canon Dave and book William.
He’s really only on good terms with Jack. The Phone Guys, Matt, Dee, and Henry are all tired of his antics.
Dave is physically a male, not quite a human, but humanoid enough to have sex with Jack.
Like Jack, Dave is underweight. The only reason he isn’t a human is because he’s a cryptid.
He has an unhealthy obsession with harassing the phone guys.
He’s 6'0.
Steven
Steven is a transmasculine gay polyamorous man. He uses the pronouns he/it.
He's going out with Matt.
Steven used to be a war medic, serving in Vietnam for a bit.
Like all the other phone guys, he has a wire tail that can plug into any standard U.S. wall outlet.
He survives after the events of the first DSAF game, now living in Jack’s basement.
Foxy is still his favorite animatronic.
Steven’s about 7 feet tall, the phone adds a foot in height to him.
Peter
Peter is a cisgender bi-curious man. He uses he/him pronouns.
He’s really just a tired older brother dealing with Jack and Dave’s bullshittery.
Peter was the second sibling to die.
He’s aware of Dee being the Puppet, and hates Dave for killing his sister.
He lives with Jack, technically owning the house but not being the one to pay the bills.
Peter owns a shotgun and is a shitty aim with it.
Peter’s also 7 feet tall.
Matt
Matt is an agender gay guy. They use they/he pronouns.
They are a banshee-human hybrid, being a Latino too.
They are physically incapable of not smiling.
Unlike the majority of the Fazbender employees, Matt is actually a living being. Well, half-living.
Matt lives in whatever Fazbender location he’s currently in.
He has had sex with some of the plushies. They bought the plushies afterwards though.
Matt is 5'7.
Dee
Dee is a cisgender aroace girl. She uses she/her pronouns.
Mentally, Dee hasn’t aged all that much, so Jack and Peter still need to parent her.
She’s about as powerful as FNAF’s puppet.
Because the Puppet itself is a male, she gets called a boy way too often. She’s very eager to correct you if you mess that up.
Dee’s box is in the corner of Jack’s bedroom. She can’t sleep without him nearby.
Dee has witnessed Matt yiffing plushies. She locks her music box at night because of it.
Dee is about 8 feet tall, but was 4'11 at death.
Henry
Henry is a cisgender bisexual man. He uses he/void/it pronouns.
Void doesn’t exactly have a soul anymore. If it did, his soul would be a lot like Mr. Shade’s - too impure to redeem.
The void that covers its body is like an infection. It has been sealed away in the Flipside to prevent the infection from spreading.
Void has an impressively large vocabulary, being very annoying about it, too. It’ll correct you on your grammar, suggest different words you could use, etc. Almost like Grammarly as a person.
Henry served in the Second World War, and this desensitized it to death and bloodshed.
Void is morbidly obese.
Henry is 5'9.
Harry
Harry is a cisgender gay man. He uses he/him pronouns.
Harry’s about the same age as Steven.
He has chased people with brooms and will do it again.
He definitely started the group chat between all of the phone guys. He’s the mom friend.
Harry served in Vietnam, so he bonded with Steven over that and being some of the first phones to be made.
He lives with Jake and Walt down the street from Jack and the others.
Harry’s 6'11.
Jake
Jake is a straight demiboy. He uses he/they pronouns.
He’s the butt of every joke about purple guys, without question.
Jake knows how to twerk and will sucker punch you if you call him 'Jack' on purpose.
He’s an alcoholic still, but he’s trying to quit for his son’s sake.
Every April Fools, Jake is the main reason everyone’s on edge. He’s a major prankster.
Jake lives with Harry and Walt down the street from Jack and the others.
Jake is 7 feet tall.
Roger
Roger is a cisgender gay man. He uses he/them/it pronouns.
He’s married to @owlthehybrid and a father.
Roger met Owl when he was crying under a party table.
He’s terrified of Jack, to the point where he’ll completely shut down and obey his boss blindly.
Roger has a generalized anxiety disorder.
He lives with Owl and their daughter Iris.
Roger is 6'8. The shortest of the phones.
Walt
Honestly, I got nothing on this guy. He’s just here for the vibes.
#ooc post#dave miller#dsaf#|-dave-miller-|#dayshift at freddy's#jack kennedy dsaf#henry miller#steven stevenson#peter kennedy dsaf#roger jones dsaf#jake wilson dsaf#dee kennedy#dee kennedy dsaf#harry fitzgerald#dsaf harry#father arc#walt dsaf#my headcanons#hcs#selfshipper
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'Tis the damn season- Sirius Black
If I wanted to know Who you were hanging with While I was gone, I would've asked you It's the kind of cold Fogs up windshield glass But I felt it when I passed you
She felt weird being there, an intense feeling of guilt. She hadn't meant to leave. Really, it was the last thing on her mind at first. But everything felt claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on her. Things with Sirius were in a weird place and really she wasn't 100% sure how to handle it. Then, all of a sudden, she had this job offer. It was temporary, 6 months in New York and she needed something that felt new and alive and she wanted to be far away from Sirius. Now everything had changed because 5 years later and she still lived an ocean away.
Remus was a teacher now. Lily and James were married with a kid and trying for another. Marlene was thinking about filing for divorce.
They weren't kids anymore. They were in their mid 20's.
She was home for Christmas. She didn't have family in New York nor England, but as they had every year prior Lily and James demanded she spend the holiday at their place.
"God I'm so glad you're here!" Lily is squealing, arms flung around her friend in the busy airport. Little Harry, who's 4 now is clinging to his godmothers leg with gleeful giggles
"Hey Lils," She smiles, a soft smile, as she returns the hug. Leaning down to pick Harry up "How's my little trouble maker?" She questions, propping the dark haired boy on her hip as she grabs her suitcase, listening to the child's babble and responding when needed as her and Lily make their way to the Potter's car.
Harry is babbling excitedly from the backseat, about father christmas and presents and chocolate, as Lily attempts to join the stream of traffic leaving the car park
"James is so sorry he couldn't come with us to pick you up, he got called into work last minute," Lily apologises as they start the hour long drive back to her home.
"Prongs knows I don't mind Lils, and so do you. Just grateful to have somewhere to spend Christmas,"
"And you should know we would never let you spend it alone," Lily reminds, her friend smiling softly.
"I do know that," She reassures. It was true. She'd grown up next door the Potter family, so inevitably James was one of her best friends. When they both made Gryffindor they stuck together, as everyone who knew them expected. They had their little group which eventually adopted her dorm mates, Lily, Dorcas and Marlene after Lily and Severus stopped speaking.
It had been content, the war was fought and they survived.
The friendships survived too for the most part the only lingering awkwardness being the one shared by her and Sirius. They never dated, technically, but they were in love. Utterly deeply in love. They had been since they were 15 and though they never actually confessed it, never allowed their friendship to blossom into something more, they both knew it. Sirius was her first kiss, her first time. He took her to dances and picked her up from class and she painted his quidditch number on her cheek for each game and stroked his hair. It wasn't a relationship, but in all ways but labels it was, which led to inevitable drama. It was unsustainable but nothing changed, they both knew it was why she left.
"You can ask y'know," Lily comments, eyes ever so briefly flickering to glance at her friend knowing the thoughts in her mind.
"Don't think I wanna know the answer," She shrugs, glancing out of the window. "Is he gonna- y'know," She trails off embarrassed to admit seeing him again had been on the forefront of her mind.
"Yeah he's spending the holidays too," Lily confirms, watching as her friend nods and knowing better than to ask her what she's thinking.
"Is he..." She trails off not entirely awkwardly, Lily glances at her intense eyes and a knowing smirk "Does he. I- A date? Is he bringing someone of the holidays?" She lets the question spill out
"No," Lily informs simply, she doesn't offer anything else, changing the conversation quickly.
There's an ache in you Put there by the ache in me But if it's all the same to you It's the same to me
She'd known she was going to see him, with Lily's confirmation in her mind. She didn't know though, how she felt about it. Excited and nervous all at once, would he hate her? would he have moved on? Just because he wasn't bringing someone for the holidays didn't mean he didn't have someone.
She hadn't expected though, to see him quite so quickly. The car pulls into the drive and she knows immediately that he's there, motorbike tucked at the end of the drive way and the door is being pulled open by him. His hair is a little longer, though she hadn't seen him since last Christmas so she could have predicted that. He's clad in a warm looking jumper and some sweatpants, clearly cozy inside the comforting home.
"There's my little man!" He's cheering, wide grin, as he rushes to open a giggling Harry's car door, quickly fetching the child from his car seat and lifting him into a tight hug.
She wonders, briefly, if he was concentrating on not letting his eyes fall to her, or if maybe that magnetising need to look at each other wasn't there anymore. For him at least. She still can't imagine a view on earth she'd rather look at than that of Sirius Black.
"Thought you were coming tonight?" Lily questions, she's helping the girl with her bags but her eyes are watching Sirius, watching as he seems adamant on not looking at the girl who's staring at him so desperately Lily thinks she looks as if she could combust.
"Regulus' new girlfriend is a bore," Sirius shrugs, he knows he should greet her, that it's awkward not too, after all they are spending the next week in the same house. But he doesn't want to be the first to say something. He didn't leave. He didn't not return any calls.
"Hi Sirius," Her voice is timid and as much as he's glad to hear it, to see she's here, she's here and well and not got some boyfriend to spend her holidays with he hates it. Hates that she is reserved around him now.
"Hey, good flight?"
"Fine, crying baby but no turbulence,"
"That's good then, aside from the crying obviously," he feels like an idiot the second the words have left his mouth
"Yeah,"
"Cool," he wants to curse whoever has decided now would be a good time to remove every word he has ever known from his mind and leave him a boring, lifeless shell.
"What about you? How was Regulus?"
"Fine got a new girlfriend,"
"Heard she's a bore," The girl jokes and Sirius smiles, a real smile. Wondering, for a moment, when he last didn't have to force a smile.
It's then that Harry begins to whine, Lily swooping in to get him inside and get him a snack. The small moment effectively ruined.
So we could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown
The house is cold, it hadn't been the whole evening, upstairs and tucked in the spare bed she hadn't been. James had insisted she take the guest room. He'd assured time and time again that Remus and Sirius didn't mind her having it. Remus was going to have a blow up bed in the office and Sirius was taking the couch. She had consistently tried to take either sleeping situation, feeling bad to be the one taking the bed. The offer was refused.
She's humming softly, some Christmas song that had been stuck in her head for days having heard it so many times recently. Her hands make light work of pouring milk into a pan, the lights in the kitchen set to dim.
"Let me guess, hot chocolate?" His voice is velvety, not at all laced with sleep. She wonders if he was laid awake too, thinking about how she was directly above him, so close yet impossibly far.
He had been.
"You know me too well," She agrees, voice soft. She doesn't turn around, feels almost embarrassed to be clad in reindeer print pj bottoms and some old jumper she'd had forever.
"You just haven't changed since we were eleven," He returns, leaning on the door frame.
"You want one?" She asks, moving towards the fridge to take out the milk once more.
"I got it," He announces. She nods, lets him cross the room to take out the milk, instead taking out another mug, and dumping 2 tablespoons of hot chocolate powder into it.
He arrives by her side, placing the milk down alongside a can of whipped cream.
"Pretty sure that's for Harry's special christmas eve hot chocolate, the one with a flake and marshmallows and smarties," She comments, her tone is soft, the adoration she has for the child evident.
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Sirius shrugs, he watches as she carefully adds more milk to the stove, "Just promise you won't tell on me yeah?"
"Your secret's safe with me," She confirms, she looks at him then. For the first time since he entered the room. He's already looking at her. With a look she can't read and so much intensity she wonders if anyone has ever looked at her like that before. He looks beautiful though, glowing in the soft lighting of the room.
"Y'know, I still do this every time I can't sleep," She informs him, eyes sincere and voice quiet, almost lost in the night.
He knows what she's trying to say. It had started when they were kids, he'd found her in the common room late at night on the second day of school. They'd spoken a little, but she'd stuck to James like glue, quiet when he wasn't by her side. She'd looked at him, wide glassy eyes. He'd asked what was wrong and she'd whispered to him about feeling like she was never going to belong in Gryffindor, not even at Hogwarts. He'd comforted her, wiped her tears away and helped her sneak to the kitchens, acting confident when in reality he'd never done it before either. He'd made the hot chocolate and she'd sat on a counter, he made her laugh and she suddenly felt like maybe everything would work out, like she might belong here after all.
It had become ritualistic for them. If one of them was sad they'd sneak to the kitchens and make hot chocolates and vent and cheer each other up.
Her first break up.
His bad fight with James.
Her dad passing.
His parents.
The war.
"I do too," He'd said quietly. Looking away now, almost like her words had hurt him even though it was the last thing she intended to do. "Milk's done," He adds, he wanted to leave the room, he was scared. Scared if he stood there, looking at her all domestic and cosy and glowing and beautiful, he wouldn't be able to resist the urge he'd been fighting since she climbed out of the car that morning.
I parked my car Right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours The holidays linger like bad perfume You can run but only so far I escaped it too Remember how you watched me leave But if it's okay with you It's okay with me
Her legs are curled under lap, almost cat like in the large arm chair. Remus in next to her, sprawled across the sofa with the crossword of the day from some muggle paper in his hands.
She has one too, in her lap, though she's hardly looking.
"Ok, I'm at a wall. Trade me," Remus announces, leaning across to hand her the paper he had been working on
"Huh?"
"Trade me?" He questions, eyebrows furrowing at her despondent face.
"Right," She nods, switching papers with him.
He looks at her crossword, hardly started and suddenly he feels bad.
"You okay?" He asks, he glances out of the window she's clearly looking out of. Sirius is out there, leather jacket and a loose scarf. He's laughing, head thrown back and eyes crinkled. Helping Harry, who Lily had bundled up extra tight, to build a snowman.
"Fine," She confirms, pulling her eyes away from Sirius to look at her friend.
"I can only imagine how hard this is for you," Remus says gently
"I'm okay," She shrugs. Remus nods, not sure what to say. It felt like a theme recently. In the 24 hours she'd been there Lily, James and Remus had all struggled. Not sure what to say to either of their friends. They clearly missed each other, clearly pined for each other. Yet, neither of them was doing anything about it, neither of them even wanted to talk about it.
"You know he never wanted kids," She speaks quietly, head motioning outside. "It was weird. I always thought he'd be a great dad. Still, think he would. I just- I guess I got it. His parents were-well, y'know- and I understood him not wanting to repeat that, thinking he'd be like him, his dad I mean. He wouldn't though. He'd have been a good dad. Still could be I guess,"
"I think so too," Remus confirms, eyes traveling to watch his friend as he helps Harry to roll a head for his snowman.
"I get that he was scared, just think it's a shame," She comments. She turns back to her crossword, to Remus' familiar scrawl. She'd said too much, she didn't want to put anyone in the middle of things.
"You're wrong," Remus speaks, still watching Sirius
"How so?"
"He wanted kids. He talked about it a bit," Remus explains, watching as she turns to look at him face contort with confusion, "Said he wanted them after the war. A boy first, then a girl,"
"He'd be a good girl dad,"
"Didn't seem to care too much," Remus shrugs, "He just wanted a family. Everyone to be happy and healthy and safe. Said he wanted a daughter cause he thought she'd look like you,"
"Me?"
"Who else would he have had this fictitious family with?" Remus shrugs
"Sirius didn't want to settle down, we all knew that,"
"If you'd asked he would have done,"
"Remus-" She sighs
"You know I'm right. He'd have done anything you asked,"
"That's not fair, I wasn't even his girlfriend,"
"Sorry. I'm not trying to put anything on you. I'm just saying, he would have done anything you asked. Think he probably still would,"
"I asked him to be my boyfriend. He said no," She states simply. She'd asked too early, that's what Sirius had always said. To ask right before a war was starting, when their lives were so imminently in danger. The label would make something happening to either of them so much worse, it's what he'd said when he rejected her.
Remus wants to say that if she'd asked again, asked after the war, that Sirius would have said yes. That he'd have married her on the spot if it's what she'd wanted. That Sirius had told him that the day before she left. But Remus decides it's not fair to put that on her. She left and Sirius stayed and either one of them could have changed everything.
"Let's talk about something else," Remus decides.
We could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now
Lily was stressed, that much was clear. Her hair was messy and Harry was whining on her hip. The kitchen a mess around her. James wasn't much better. Somewhere outside with Remus and Sirius, a desperate attempt to try and construct the goddamn gazebo.
"Lil, everything okay?" Her friends voice speaks from the doorway
"Oh hey, I didn't hear you get back," Lily speaks, her voice a little quick and eyes wide as she turns around, Harry starts to let out a whine and Lily's eyes screw shut.
Her friend is quick, reaching out to the toddler and distracting him quickly when she passes him his dinosaur toy from the kitchen counter. "What can I do?"
"Remind me to never listen to James and agree to host a stupid Christmas Eve party next year?" Lily questions, she's moving quickly back to the counter. Stirring the chocolate that's melting in a pan for dessert, momentarily abandoning the vegetables she had been cutting.
"Okay, and for right now?"
"I hate food cooked with magic, but this is hard and I have a thousand things to do and no time and-" Lily complains, eyes starting to turn glassy
"Lily, sweetheart, you are gonna be fine. Delegate okay? I chop a mean carrot,"
"No, you're a guest and-"
"Lil, what do you need?"
"Can you run to the supermarket?"
"Done," The girl nods, scribbling the list Lily recites onto an old envelope
"Take one of the boys with you, there's going to be a million bags," Lily instructs, pointing out her car keys as she turns back to her food prep "You're the best," She calls after her friend.
The silence in the car is awkward, they both hate it, because before all of this silence between them was never anything but comfortable. She has so much she wants to say and he does too, yet neither of them can even begin to find the words they would need.
"Got a lot to get?" Sirius questions from the passenger seat, fingers tapping anxiously at his thigh.
"There's a list in my bag," The girl answers, suddenly questioning if she'd come off blunt, she hadn't intended to.
"Can I?" He questions, head tilting to the tote bag on the back seat, unaware whether they were at an appropriate level to go rifling through each others bags.
"Sure," She agrees, he leans back, grabbing the bag and pulling it onto his lap.
He rifles through the bag for the list, trying to ignore the de ja vu the bag causes, her essentials the same as they were in her high school bag.
"You're a shit driver y'know?" he teases, looking up from the list when she takes a turn much too quickly, jolting him in his seat
"Maybe I had a really bad teacher," She shrugs in response, they both find their minds running to the summer Sirius had taught her to drive, her home opposite the Potter's allowing them to hang out every vacation.
"At some point you can't teach someone, trust me I tried,"
"You gave up,"
"Well at the time I was a glorified taxi service,"
"I'd say private chauffeur," She corrects, he smiles lightly
"I'm driving home,"
"Okay,"
Time flies Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown
The black dress sparkles a little in the light of the guest room, ending at her thighs and tight to her body she turns a little in the mirror, she was running a little late but it had taken forever to get her hair to fall right.
She thought maybe she'd dragged out getting ready a little too long. The party had started downstairs, there was so many people. People from school. People she didn't know, new friends and colleagues. Her friends, all of them. Yet it was daunting. She thinks maybe it was the thought of Sirius, Sirius all dressed up because she just knew he'd look perfect. Sirius flirting with some girl he'd invited, or one of James' colleagues or someone from school.
She'd been drinking wine as she got ready, something she'd done to ease her nerves but now she almost regretted. Feeling a little tipsy and overly emotional, the idea of watching Sirius with someone else left her feeling a white hot anger in her very soul. A feeling she knew was incredibly unjustified, yet she couldn't push it away.
It's why, as she walked into the decorated living room, bee lining to Marlene, who was squealing at the sight of her well missed friend, she was glad to see Sirius was in the corner of the room playing with Harry.
She spends hours catching up with friends, making polite chit chat with people from distant memories, smiling and exchanging pleasantries with strangers. She allows some guy from Lily's work to flirt with her but doesn't give anything back.
She watches Sirius from afar. He looks beautiful, so utterly beautiful. He's dressed in a white shirt that's tight around his form, the top few buttons undone and his blazer abandoned somewhere.
He spends as much of his night as he possibly can with Harry, staying with the kid until he's tucking the sleeping boy into his bed. Partly because he firmly believes Lily and James deserve a night off, partly because it's the perfect alibi.
After that Sirius tries to float, doing little jobs to help things run smoothly and using a plethora of excuses to excuse himself from conversations. He feels rude, particularly to a girl from school who he is sure is nervous to approach him. He isn't rude. But he thinks maybe it comes off that way.
He's not sure is it's just that it hurts to see her so okay, head back laughing with her friends. Or maybe it's just how drained he's felt all day.
He grabs a bottle of champagne and his blazer, sneaking outside and to sitting on the floor round the side of the house. Out of sight from any windows. He digs through his blazer pocket for a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, a habit he's been trying to drop but honestly was struggling with.
Its 5 minutes of silence before he is the slight click of heels on the floor. He holds his breath, hoping to not be found. She rounds the corner and he exhales. Feeling less drained just at the sight of her.
"Got a light?" She questions, Sirius nods and watches as she crosses towards him, cigarette in one hand and glass of champagne in the other. She holds the cigarette out to him and he lights it for her. "Mind if I sit? Or I can go smoke in the back garden and we can both pretend the other person isn't out here?"
"Sit," He says simply, she nods, sitting next to him on the cold ground, Remus had shovelled snow all afternoon. "Since when did you smoke?"
"Since 2 years ago, I had some project due at work and I was crazy stressed. Some guy I work with offered me one and I accepted. Stupid looking back," She informs simply.
"It's bad for you,"
"I've been telling you that since we were 17," She reminds
"Been trying to quit," He admits, watching her as she stares at him. Her eyes are slightly hazy, he can see she's drank a little too much but she's holding herself together gracefully.
"That's good. I have too,"
"Good," He nods, he watches as she inhales and exhales and sips her champagne.
"Why are you out here?"
"It was too much in there," Sirius admits, she nods in quiet understanding
"I get that,"
"You always did. Get me," He sighs, almost wishfully
"I guess so,"
"Do you regret leaving?" He asks. He thinks maybe he shouldn't. That come morning maybe he'll regret it. But there's something about the way she looks in the moonlight. The way she's been looking at him since she came outside, and how it's the same way she's always looked at him.
"I'm really proud of my career. I wouldn't have it if I had stayed," She's careful in her words, he can see her thinking about them before she speaks
"Right." He nods, her words in his mind are a polite rejection.
Sleep in half the day Just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait If you don't ask me to stay
"Merry Christmas!" James' voice is loud as he enters the guest bedroom, flipping the light on without a care in the world
"I hate you," She states simply, they grew up together and James really was the closest thing she had to a brother. He smirks watching as she uses the thick sage green bedding to cover her eyes from the light.
"I know. Haz wants you to come downstairs so we can do gifts,"
"What time is it?"
"6. He's been up since 4," James informs, she pulls the duvet down from her face to see him leaning in the door way
"Fine," She agrees stretching a little before clambering from the bed. The matching Christmas pjs Lily had purchased for everyone bunched up a little.
"Hey, you doing okay? With Sirius I mean," James' voice drops low as he asks, eyes scanning the landing behind him briefly
"I'm fine," She can tell from the look on his face he doesn't believe her "Promise,"
"Mooney said he saw you guys sneaking back into the house last night. At the party," she hates the way his voice sounds hopeful
"We were both having a smoke James. It's nothing,"
"Thought you were quitting,"
"You sound like your mother,"
"Harsh! Go downstairs already woman," James teases, his tone light as he shoves her playfully on her way past him.
Lily makes mimosas and the group of friends share easy laughs as the day passes by, gifts exchanged and Harry smothered with love and attention. She decides it's the easiest day, people are distracted enough in the festivities the Potters have planned to not spend the whole day worrying about her and Sirius.
Without eyes on them they both find it easier to talk, they share whispered jokes and his dizzying beauty seems softer when he's smiling at her as they peel veg together.
"Lil I'm serious, go play with James and Harry. We can handle veg duty," She's determined in the way she gently pushes the girl through the archway into the kitchen.
"Thankyou sweetie," Lily is beaming, looking between her friend and Sirius's back knowingly before shooting her friend a knowing wink. "Rem, come with!" She calls as she retreats to the living room. Remus does as told, but not before giving Sirius a pointed look, one that screams 'SAY SOMETHING'.
"I've got the potatoes if you've got the carrots," Sirius offers
"Sounds good," She confirms, fluffy socks pattering on the floor as she takes her place beside him at the oak counter.
"When are you flying back to New York?"
"The 28th, I promised Mitch I'd be back in time for his birthday stroke crazy new years party,"
"That's fun," Sirius is lying. Nothing about what she just said is fun. It's the opposite. He has three more days before she's an ocean away all over again. She's rushing home, not staying for new years like she has every other year for some guy.
That's the least fun of all, Mitch. Who the fuck is Mitch? Sirius is racking his memories, in all the awkward Christmases they'd shared since she left she's never once mentioned a Mitch.
She sees the question in his eyes but doesn't say anything else. She's about to, truly she is, until the song playing through the small radio changes.
"Oh my god it's my favourite Christmas song!" She's beaming, dropping the carrot and knife she's holding and rushing to turn the music up.
He smiles gently, watching as she begins to dance around the kitchen. Red tartan pyjamas and the knit jumper Remus gifted her, he can't stop his mind from running to all the summer holidays they'd make breakfast together in the Potter's kitchen and she'd dance around.
"God, you still can't dance," He teases, gentle smile
"Shut up and dance with me!" She demands, she stretching an arm out to him and fuck he wishes he knew how to say no to her.
They jump around and sing along, hands linked together as he twirls her around the room, hearts beaming and flooding the room with laughter.
The song ends and she's breathless, chest to chest, so close to each other.
"Mitch?" He can't help the question, not when he's so close to her, not when it's taking everything in him not to lean down and kiss her
"He's gay."
"Oh,"
"There's no one else for me," She says it quietly, hands dropping his and looking down to her feet, almost embarrassed to admit it
His hand shoots up, cupping her cheek gently and forcing her to look at him
"Me either," He reassures, voice smooth and soft.
So I'll go back to LA And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own To leave the warmest bed I've ever known
James Potter can make a kick-ass espresso martini. It wasn't new information, he always made cocktails in the evening on Christmas. The rest of the inner friend group (the other girls from the dorm at school) and their spouses would come over, they would play stupid games and listen to the music they grew up on and the parents would take it in turns to check on Neville and Harry who by this point would be sound asleep in Harry's space themed bedroom.
Lily had gawped with wide eyes when she'd chosen the seat next to Sirius at Christmas dinner. Remus almost choked on his carrot when Sirius had ever so casually wrapped his arm around her at the table and she had leaned into his touch Marlene had been shooting her friend knowing looks all night, eyebrows raised in question at the way she'd been perched on the arm of his arm chair the whole night.
Nothing had happened. Not really. But something in the air had changed, something in the way he was looking at her was different, the longing glances had lost their sadness.
The night ends slowly, Marlene and Dorcas wander out into the night. Alice heads to where James had pulled out the sofa bed in the office. Lily leaves having checked on the kids one last time.
She's the next to head to bed, acutely aware of the sound of Sirius behind her on the stairs even though he's been sleeping downstairs the whole trip.
"What are you doing up here?" She whispers the question in the hallway as Sirius arrives on the landing.
"I wanted to say night," He whispers back, he looks too pretty. The warm lighting from the downstairs light makes him almost glow and he has a drunken grin on his face. She's no better, her eyes glassy from one too many of those damned martinis.
"You said night downstairs," She counters, he rolls his eyes fond gentle smile as he tucks her hair behind her ear.
"I'm glad you're here,"
"Me too," She confirms it quietly "Look forward to getting to see you, talk to you all year." He doesn't know if the light blush on her cheeks is from the alcohol or the whispered confession.
"Doesn't have to just be at Christmas y'know? You could call, visit even. I really miss you," He isn't shy in his confession. He'd scream it from the rooftops if it meant she might be a part of his life again for more than just the holidays.
"Sirius," Her voice is soft, he's too close. He is so close and she feels overwhelmed by him, drunk on his scent and using all her self control to keep her hands out of his hair.
"I mean it, darling. Truly," His hand reaches out, firm against her chin. "Hey, look," He speaks, face close enough she feels his breath on her face. She follows his eyes, looking up to see a sprig of mistletoe above them.
James does it every year, enchants mistletoe to sprout above two people in love. Mainly, he does it so he can kiss Lily and remind her to stop being so stressed about hosting and actually enjoy the holidays. Partly, he did it in the hopes it might help his two friends find their way back to each other.
"Can I?" Sirius's question is full of nerves, scared he's pushing her too far
"Always,"
It's gentle and timid, the way he pushes his lips to hers. It's safe at first, a peck. Neither wants the other to freak and run.
He's the one to push it further, though that isn't really surprise.
He pulls her ever closer, chest to chest and his big arms wrap around her, holding her to him. He kisses her like he's desperate, scared if he stops he'll loose her all over again.
She feels like she can breathe properly for the first time in years. Feels a weight off her shoulders as she allows her hands to tangle into his hair, a craving she'd had every time she looked at him. She lets him man handle her towards the door to the guest room.
His tongue pushing into her mouth as he holds her against the wall by the door. One of her hands stays tangled in his hair as the other moves down to hold onto the warm skin of his hip, fingertips slipping under his maroon sweater.
His hand travels down, landing on her bum with a firm squeeze and the motion seems to bring her back to her senses a little. She pulls away, though Sirius is quick to chase her kiss swollen lips with his own. She giggles in response, one last chaste peck to his lips before she looks him in the eyes, blown out a little with lust and creased from his bright grin.
"Sirius," She sighs out, he smirks head falling to allow himself to press a trails of kisses down her jaw and onto her neck
"Darling," he murmurs against her skin
"This is a really bad idea," Her point seems a little futile as she moves her head to the side to allow him more space to press his kisses
"Tell me you want me to stop. Say the word and I'll go back downstairs and you can go to sleep and we can wake up and pretend none of this happened,"
We could call it even Even though I'm leaving And I'll be yours for the weekend 'Tis the damn season
He doesn't think he's ever seen a sight so beautiful. She's laid next to him, body lit by the pale moonlight casting through the window. Her skin is bare and flushed and she fits against his body as perfectly as she always has.
Her leg is strewn over his naked torso, her head resting on his chest, hand reaching up to comb her fingers through his hair.
His arm that wraps around her lands on her back, thumb pressing comforting circles into her back.
"You're so perfect," He speaks into the quiet. She tilts her head up on his shoulder, allowing him to see her beaming face
"Sirius, you are the most beautiful person I've ever known," Her tone is impossibly soft, as his heart in that moment. The sincerity in her voice makes his whole body feel warm.
He feels too overwhelmed by the sickly sweet love in his chest to come up with much of a response, instead he presses his lips to her forehead an action so full over love and comfort it almost hurts her chest.
"I'm gonna hate having to miss you again," She says softly, her settling back into his chest as he squeezes her closer
"Only ever a phone call away," He hums hand moving to toy with the ends of her hair
"You could visit?" She suggests, scared he'll laugh at the thought though she has no reason to be
"Anything, if you want me to do it I will," His promise makes her grin widely, she leans up to press a gentle kiss to his lips.
The quiet takes over once more, both basking in having the other in there arms again, a feeling they'd been craving in the years of absence.
"I'm sorry I left," She whispers, she'd wanted to say it a thousand times, truly she had.
"I'm sorry I didn't come after you," He pauses for a beat, he thinks maybe the question is too big, what he's asking of her too much. His eyebrows furrowing as he thinks, deep pout on his lips.
"What are you thinking about?" She questions, thumb gently smoothing out the lines in his frown
"Stay," He says it quietly, so quiet she almost misses it. "Please, I need you to stay,"
We could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now
She hadn't technically said no. She hadn't said anything really.
She'd felt like an idiot, sitting up in the bed to better at Sirius. Blinking as her mind raced, what if she did stay? what would she be staying for? would he finally be ready to commit to her or was he asking her to give up the career she worked so hard for to be around when he wanted a casual fuck?
"Say something," He hated how much his own voice sounded like it was begging, he hated the look in her eyes. The guilt. She was going to say no. He was certain of that as he looked at her.
"Say anything," He doesn't mean to sound angry. Doesn't mean to make her feel bad.
She's left, blinking as she desperately tries to gather her thoughts. He gets out of bed.
His movements around the rooms are sharp and hurried, tugging his clothes back on.
"Sirius," She says, she needs him to look at her. Needs him to stop for a second, to talk to her.
"No," His hands tug his jumper over his head as he moves towards the door
"Stop. Sirius, please just wait," She clambering out of the bed to follow him, grabbing her pyjama pants and pulling them up quickly as she reaches for the large knit sweater. She's following him down the stairs of the silent house.
He slams the front door in her face before she has the chance to follow him out into the snow. She hears the revving of his motorbike before the engine kicks in, hears the way it fades away as he races into the night.
She feels like an idiot. Feels pathetic as she sinks to the ground, back pressed to the front door. She had vowed a long time ago to stop crying over Sirius Black yet she can't stop herself.
"What's going on?" Remus is calling. Woken up by the sound of the slamming door. She wipes at her tears, desperate to hide them from him but the second he sees her and sends her a soft smile she's blubbering all over again.
"He left. He fucking just left," She's hiccuping through her crying, and he joins her on the old wooden floor.
"What happened?" He asks gently, a comforting hand squeezes at her knee.
"We slept together,"
"Ok, ok and then he just left?"
"No. He asked me to stay and I- I froze Rem. I sat there like an idiot and didn't say anything. He just- I needed to think and he wouldn't give me fucking second,"
"What would you have said?"
"I don't know what he wants. If he wanted to try like really try I would have said yes,"
"He needs to know that,"
Time flies Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now
She hadn't been to his apartment before. Remus had apparated her there and waited with her in a comfortable silence until he'd arrived. Sat on the curb outside, her head on his shoulder. Knowing he was home Remus left, she was safe on the busy London street, Sirius wouldn't let any harm come to her despite the deep sigh he lets out at the sight of her.
"I wanna be alone,"
"Too bad. I need to talk to you," She demands, arms crossed in front of her.
"We can talk later,"
"No Sirius. You don't get to say all that shit to me and then just leave,"
"Fine. come on,"
He leads her in an awkward silence up into the building, refusing to look at her in the short elevator ride to the 8th floor.
His apartment is very him, it's cosy and homely and smells like the Gryffindor common room.
He drops onto the sofa in the living room, she's too busy eyeing the framed photos on the wall, heart melting a little at the photo of the two of them, both in school uniform sat by the black lake her head on his shoulder his arms holding her close to him. Matching bright grins staring back at her.
"You wanted to talk," He reminds, embarrassed that even after rejecting him she's seeing his framed photo of her.
" The other day, at the party You asked me if I regret leaving? I lied. No I didn't lie. I just- I didn't tell you the truth. I regret it, every fucking day I regret it, I lay awake every night thinking about what we could have been if I'd stuck around,"
"It's a little late for that," he grumbles, arms folded and a stoic look on his face
"Could you just listen to me?" She snaps, "I've been in love with you since I was 14 Sirius and you have never ever wanted a relationship,"
"That's not true," He protests
"Oh. So you just didn't want one with me?" She feels like an idiot, standing in front of him. Their friends were wrong, she was wrong.
He hates the hurt in her voice, the tears in her eyes.
He's on his feet now, passing over the burgundy rug to grab her hand in his
"That's not what I mean. I just- I was scared, scared if you were mine and something happened. I couldn't have lived through that,"
"You never told me that, you always just said you weren't a boyfriend guy,"
"I could be. For you I could be,"
"Why did you leave?" She questions, desperate to know why he couldn't have given her just a few minutes to work things out
"I couldn't hear you tell me that you don't love me enough to stay,"
"I would never say that,"
"No?" He questions timidly, his eyes searching her desperately
"No," She shakes her head "If I stay this can't be what it was. I'm giving up my life here. We are older now and we are safe and this has to be real,"
"It's always been real to me. I'm in love with you, been in loved with you since second year and I will be until the day I die. So sweetheart, please, please be mine? for real this time,"
"It'll always be you Sirius," She promises, his lips kiss her and she feels herself fall in love with him all over again.
And it always leads to you and my hometown It always leads to you and my hometown
#harry potter fanfiction#sirius#sirius black x reader#sirius black#harry potter#sirius orion black#sirius x reader
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[Image descriptions in order: a series of images that look like a slideshow. The first one is bright red with large white text which says "If I so much as catch a WHISPER that people are trying to monetize FanFiction on AO3".
At the bottom, there is small text which says "A non-selective plan for dealing with the resurgence of blatant Fic Commissions on AO3, inspired by the campus Tik-Tok".]
[The rest of the images are white with black text, which have a title followed by a bullet point list. They say:
If I see Blatant Commissions:
(Capitalized) I will report you
(Capitalized) I will report your ass
(Capitalized) I literally will not give it a second thought, i will just smash that report button
(Capitalized) I didn't survive the transition from LJ, and the purge of ff.net just to see people make ao3's job even harder than it has to be
On the right side of the slide, there is a PNG of a red button.]
[But fanartists...
It's different
(Capitalized) I know, I know
It's technically the same - it's just different
On the right is the meme of Ben Affleck looking tired, smoking a cigarette out of a window with a bottle of alcohol beside him]
[Why you so mad?
Copyright law violation
Copyright law violation = slippery slope to getting sued by OC's
Free Fanfic is made safe by the 'Fair Use' clause – which says that it's okay to transform copyrighted property because no money is being made off of it
When you charge/commission – you lose your ONE defence]
[Learn your history
Fic writers got sued in the not too distant past
Some of them were sued very successfully and made to pay reparations along with their cease and desist orders
The name 'Anne Rice' still gives old fic writers flashbacks
Historically Fic writers have been reminded, viciously, about whose sandpit we play in and on what terms (Not Ours)]
[(Toggle case) but I never said I own the characters
There are several screenshots of disclaimers that authors put on their works, which say:
Crowley, The Book of the Law, 57. Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, except the writing. No profit is intended except the sheer joy I get out of constructing this story.
JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Fasa games owns Earthdawn.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and I make absolutely no money with this FF.
Disclaimer: Aragorn is mine! Allllll mine, my precious yessss..... (Just kidding, he belongs to Tolkien, who's probably spinning in his grave at this very moment...)
All characters belong to George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd., yadda, yadda, yadda...
Disclaimer: The raven belongs to E.A. Poe. I'm just borrowing the hateful creature for a little bit, okay?
Author's Notes: Sherlock Holmes and all related characters are original creations of the genius of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Original characters (meaning mine) will be noted. This fic takes place somewhere between A Scandal in Bohemia and Holmes's retirement. Please R/R.
Disclaimer: The dear boys belong to Victor Hugo, may he rest in peace and not be disturbed by whatever I do with (or to) them. The first names of Marcelin, Francois, and Etienne were Manon Goutal's brilliant idea. Alexandre and Laurent were mine. Claudette Prouvaire, Claude to her friends, is entirely a creation of my own mind (be afraid: oP). I'm not making money off this, nor do I want to. I have nothing. Have mercy on me. Archivists: Feel free to post this on your site, just let me know
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and/or plotlines and/or dialogue of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice nor Henry Fielding's Tom Jones. Duh.
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries does not belong to me. New characters, are mine.
-- All the usual disclaimers apply -- I own nothing -- just borrowing these guys for a while --
Learn your history, it's only in the last few years that we haven't had to put disclaimers on EVERYTHING because AO3 protects us]
[but, but, I didn't know I can't charge...
(capitalized) read the terms of service
(Sub bulletted list): "You agree not to make available any unsolicited or unauthorized advertising (defined as solicitations for direct or indirect commercial advantage" [AO3 TOS Section I, D]
"Promotion of commercial products or activities is not allowed." [AO3 TOS, Section IV, B]
"Unsolicited commercial activity is not permitted on the Archive.” [AO3 TOS, Section IV B]
(capitalized) it's literally in the terms of service use your eyeballs
Below is clip art of cartoon eyes that are wide open.]
[(Capitalized) In conclusion
(Capitalized) don't fucking charge for fic
(Capitalized) don't put on ao3 that you're charging for fic
(Capitalized) don't link your ko-fi, patreon, paypal, on ao3
(Capitalized) just don't fucking do it
(Capitalized) thank you]
a non-selective plan for the resurgence of fic commissions
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Grounding Techniques
Mental Distraction Techniques
Pick a category of objects and try to think of as many objects as possible that fit within that category (e.g., types of dogs, cities, types of trees, crayon colors, sports)
Pick a letter and think of emotionally positive or neutral words that begin with that letter
Pick a color and look for things of that color. Notice differences in their exact shades
Say or think the alphabet backwards or alternate letters and numbers (A1, B2, C3, D4, etc)
Count backwards from 100 by 3s, 6s, or 7s or count up by prime numbers or perfect squares
Play "fizz-buzz" with yourself. Begin counting to 100 (or over!), but replace any number that contains the number 5 or is a multiple of 5 with the word "fizz" and any number that contains the number 7 or is a multiple of 7 with the word "buzz." For example, 1-15 would be "1, 2, 3, 4, fizz, 6, buzz, 8, 9, fizz, 11, 12, 13, buzz, fizz." When you mess up, compliment yourself and start over
Think of the words to your favorite song or poem or think of facts related to a specific theme
Pick a word or your name and see how many other words you can make from the letters in it
Describe an every day event or process in great detail, listing all of the steps in order and as thoroughly as possible (e.g., how to cook a meal, how to get from your house to your place of work or school, how to do your favorite dance)
Read something technical or meant for children or read words backwards to focus on the process of reading and not the words
Watch a children's television show or movie or watch cute or funny videos on Youtube; it might help to have a playlist already prepared for this
Look at a current news article that is not likely to be upsetting or distressing
Distract yourself with Tetris, Solitaire, Sudoku, word searches, or other puzzle games
Reorientation Techniques
Say or think to yourself: "My name is _________. I am safe right now. I am _____ years old. I am currently at _____________. The date is _____________. If I need help, I am with ________/can call _________. Everything is going to be alright."
List reaffirming statements ("I am fine. Everything is going to be okay. I am strong. I can handle this.")
Ask yourself where you are, what day of the week it is, what day of the month it is, what month it is, what year it is, what season it is, how old you are, and other present-focused questions
Notice things in your surroundings that indicate to you that you're safe or that you're in the present (e.g., locks on your door, electronics that didn't exist when you were younger, the presence of trusted people, a phone so that you can call for help if you need it)
Describe your surroundings in detail, including sights (objects, textures, shapes, colors), sounds, smells, and temperature
Name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, and two that you smell or taste, and then name one good thing that you like about yourself
Pick four or five brightly colored objects that are easily visible and move your focus between them. Be sure to vary the order of your gaze and concentrate briefly on each one before moving to the next
Think about a fun time that you recently had with a friend or call that friend and ask them to talk about it with you
Sensory-Based Grounding Techniques
Run cool or warm (but not too cold or hot) water over your hands or take a cool or warm bath or shower
Spritz your face (with eyes closed), neck, arms, and hands with a fine water mist
Spray yourself with your favorite perfume and focus on the scent
Feel the weight of your body in your chair or on the floor and the weight of your clothing on your skin
Touch and hold objects around you. Compare the feel, weight, temperature, textures, colors, and materials
Keep a small object with you to touch or play with when you get triggered. Good examples include a smooth stone, a fidget toy, jewelry, or a tiny plushy
Bite into a lemon, orange, or lime, suck on a sour or minty candy or an ice cube, chew cinnamon-flavored gum, or put a few drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue. Notice the flavor, scent, and texture
Eat something or drink warm tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, and describe to yourself the taste and texture in great detail
Place a cool wash cloth on your face or hold something cold like a can of soda
Listen to soothing or familiar music. If possible, dance to it
Hum, sing, recite poetry, or make up a silly poem or story as you go
Pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud
Hug another person (if interpersonal touch isn't a trigger). Pay attention to your own pressure and the physical sensations of doing so
Hug a tree! Register the smells of being outside, the wind, and the sights around you
Movement-Based Grounding Techniques
Breathe deeply and slowly and count your breaths
Grab tightly onto your chair or press your feet against the ground as firmly as you can
Rub your palms and clap your hands or wiggle your toes within your socks. Pay attention to the physical sensation of doing so
Stretch out your arms or legs, roll your head on your neck, or clench and unclench your fists
Stomp your feet, walk around, run, jump, ride a bike, do jumping jacks, or do yoga
While walking, notice each footstep and say to yourself "right" and "left" to correspond with the foot currently moving
Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or ball
If you have a soft pet (dog or cat), brush its fur and stroke it. If you don't, brush your own hair slowly and without pulling too much
Color in an adult coloring book, finger paint, or draw anything that comes to mind without worrying about quality
Write whatever comes to mind even if it's nonsense. Try not to write about whatever is upsetting you until you're more capable of doing so without increasing the upset
Write a list of things that make you happy or look for cheerful pictures to make into a collage
Pop bubble wrap or blow and pop actual bubbles
Dig in the dirt or garden, jump on a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles or mud
Rip up paper or stomp on aluminum cans to crush them
Imagery Techniques
Picture yourself breathing in relaxation, calm, positive feelings, or strength. Picture yourself breathing out whatever is upsetting you. It may help to pair this with imagery of breathing in soothing colors (usually blue, purple, or green) and out more intense colors (usually red or black)
If you need to relax, envision a soothing white or golden light slowly moving up your body, warming and relaxing every part of you that it touches. You can also think of it as protecting you from negativity or from harm
If the problem is intense or uncomfortable emotions, physical sensations, or memories, picture them being surrounded and neutralized by a bright and healing light, temporarily placed in a mental box to be stored for later, or dialed back by an internal controller of intensity
If you have a clear mental picture of what's upsetting you, mentally change it to something silly or harmless. If you're a fan of Harry Potter, cast a mental "riddikulus" to banish the negativity
Picture yourself calm, focused, and able to tackle whatever problems you're facing. Focus on how that would feel in the moment. What would your expression and posture be like? Make whatever changes you need to in order to make your reality reflect your goal
How to Make a Grounding Box
Get a box or basket
Personalize and decorate it with construction paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, stickers, drawings, paint, photographs, glitter, sequins, or anything else that you like
Keep within it:
A list of grounding techniques that you know work for you
A list of positive affirmations and happy memories
A list of the contact information of trusted friends or family who are willing to help and support you
Small sensory objects such as: scented candles, perfumes, or lotions; hard candies or gum; soft fabrics, a stress ball, a stuffed animal, or a fidget toy; happy pictures of you with friends; a CD with relaxing music or meditation tracks. Try to cover all of the senses
A list of possible distractions such as books to read or movies to watch
Small portable distractions such as a pack of playing cards, a small game, or a joke book
A list of comforting things to do such as taking a bubble bath, snuggling up in bed, or meditating
A small journal or notebook
In the Case of a Flashback
Tell yourself that you are having a flashback and are safe now
Remind yourself that the worst is over, and you survived it. What you're feeling now is just a reminder of that trauma and does not fit the present moment
Remind yourself of when and where you are, who you're currently with, and who you can contact if you need help (use the reorientation-focused grounding techniques)
Breathe deeply and slowly. Count your breathes and make sure that you're getting enough air
Use other mental, sensory, movement, and imagery techniques in order to distract yourself, calm yourself, and reorient yourself within the present
If possible or necessary, go somewhere where you can be alone or with a close friend, where you will feel safe, or where you feel protected or shielded
If there is anyone who you can trust or who will support you, reach out to them, let them know what happened, and let them know what you need, what would be best for you, or what they could do to help
Be gentle with yourself and take the time to really recover. If what helps you to recover is to color, take a bubble bath, hug a stuffed animal, or watch a children's movie and if it would not be disruptive to do such things at that point in time, embrace those options whole-heartedly
If possible, note or write down what triggered the flashback, what techniques you tried to use to disrupt the flashback, and what techniques helped
#panic anxiety#panic disorder#panic attack#anxiety#anxiety attack#grounding techniques#grounding#mental health#mentalwellness#mental disorder#disordered eating tw#eating disorder recovery#recovery#ana#anamia#bulimia#mia#thinspo#thinspiration#skinny#thin#depression#bipolar disorder#flashback#ptsd#complex ptsd#trauma
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Heya!
I know you're open to discussing various ideas and aus for the Quarry crew, so thoughts about this little idea that's been floating in my mind for quite a while?
The events of the game go normally, every counselor survives and whoever is bitten gets cured when Kaitlyn kills Caleb. Everyone, but Dylan, who got bit by Silas.
Ryan, Laura and Travis find Silas but a bit later then in the game. They hesitate before shooting him for a bit too long (the end of the full moon) and he begins changing back before Laura panics and kills him.
Queue everyone thinking they're safe, Silas finally dealt with so there's no worry about him running around and infecting other people, even if he was technically killed at the cusp of full moon and the dawn of the next day.
Then a month later, they learn that Oops! Dylan is still infected and also Silas was killed too late so it doesn't count as a cure, and since he's dead, there's no way to help our boy.
Also interesting to think about would be if there were any changes to how the werewolf curse worked if murdering your higher up on the chain was done literally between forms. Maybe, for example, the changes Dylan experiences are slower and more painful, but also he's not as aggressive as the beast.
Just wanted to hear your thoughts and maybe any ideas how others would react knowing there's nothing they can do to fix it?
Anon you've genuinely blown my fucking mind and I also think you've just unveiled yet another massive plot hole in the lore of this game but let's dive in anyway because I'm hooked.
I hadn't considered how the entire "you have to kill them during the full moon to cure the people they've bitten" thing can be completely boned by them dying on any other day. Because that would mean the next in line becomes the new top of the chain and can't be cured. Which is TRAGIC but I'm so into it. Plot hole? More like angst hole. For me. I'm in it and I'm thriving.
I *deep breath* fucking love that Dylan was bitten by Silas. It fits my agenda of his werewolf form being bigger and stronger than the others 😩😌🤌💕💕💕💕💕💕
The first I'll say about this wonderful ask; is that as we've seen in The Quarry, the change is instantaneous. It's a split second blink-and-you-miss-it blood explosion. There's no bone cracking mid-transformation like other werewolf movies and shows. There's no "between forms" just human and werewolf.
I really tried to think of a way where this part of the headcanon makes sense but I'm drawing blanks. I'm gonna dive into the hypothetical anyway because who cares about this flimsy canon lore amirite?
But like say for example, Laura shot him, then right before Silas dies from the silver bullet, the sun rises and he pops like a werewolf balloon THEN he dies. He technically died in his human form from a shotgun wound to his back, not the silver. I'd say in that specific scenario, it just falls under "oops you were too late lol" and doesn't cure anyone because the full moon had officially ended when he died.
I do get where your beautiful head is at anon but I think if Silas changed back from the sun rising right when he died, by the law of the curse, the full moon was over and anything that follows would just be typical The Quarry werewolf stuff.
If it was like a Harry potter werewolf where you could shoot them when they're half transformed then yeah! Maybe anyone under Silas would be this weird half werewolf. And just to swim in this hypothetical pool for a moment; Yeah I think the transformation would be all fucked up and would maybe even happen not just purely on full moons 👀. Like Dylan gets stuck in an "infected" form, never fully going back to normal but also never fully transforming. He's just rabid 24/7. I cannot think of a way they'd fix that. Maybe over the years Dylan would learn to control it a little but more likely, he'd just go insane. This really feels like the "bad end" in a choose your adventure video game. Just everything is fucked and you cannot fix it.
HOWEVER THE REST OF THIS ASK IS STILL GONNA HAUNT ME UNTIL I TALK ABOUT IT SO LETS GO. Dylan being the new lone wolf? Absolutely fuck me up anon.
Ok straight up Dylan would absolutely know he hasn't been cured. The moment he tries to touch water to clean the werewolf gunk off him in the morning, he'd jump out of his skin. And damn...just like...imagine the mood in the lodge when he figures that out right? Everyone was so relieved it was over but nope. Immediate left turn back into Shitsville. Like there's this immediate shadow of helplessness that falls over them because there's nothing they can do.
I think Dylan's next transformation IS fucked up purely because he's the the new sole curse holder. Whatever Eliza (supposedly) did to Silas to turn him into a werewolf is now just Dylan's. I think he's even more aggressive and I think it starts to affect him the day leading up to the full moon.
Now I know Silas was a white wolf with red eyes because he was albino but what if Dylan's new werewolf form is white with red eyes 😌👉👈 think about it 😌👉👈 maybe I watch too much fantasy/SciFi but what if Dylan get a white streak through his hair? Ok I'm done.
Laura feels HELLA responsible. So does Ryan. Dylan's trying to keep it light for the sake of his own sanity but everyone can tell he's not ok. Laura just spirals all the way back to how if she hadn't dragged Max to the lodge a day early none of this would have happened. She's majorly deep in the self hatred. Meanwhile Ryan's just assuring Dylan that he's not going anywhere and he's gonna stay with him until they cure him 🥲🤸⚰️🪦
[I'm ignoring the canon epilogue of them all getting arrested for three months before the evidence clears them because that literally makes no sense if any of them are still cursed.]
But anyway. The evidence is enough for all of them to get cleared before the month is up and they're immediately brainstorming. All of them together because found family.
I wish there was some explanation on what the curse is specifically? Is it like the wendigos where it's the spirit of a monster, or is it like a magic spell kind of curse? Can the curse be broken by the same means it was brought into existence? Well in theory, Silas had to get cursed somehow. And that's their only lead to curing Dylan.
I'm on the fence about whether or not Travis would...care? Like half or potentially all his family is dead. It's entirely possible he would just see this as no-longer-his-problem. But I'd like to think he helps by just giving them all the info he has on Eliza and her show. What she did, if she was actually the cause of Silas turning in the first place. Anything at all. And I think he is pretty integral to discovering exactly how Eliza did it. Maybe I'm biased to all "Travis and his nine children" headcanons because there's nothing I love more than a grumpy old man looking after a bunch of teenagers.
I think they eventually figure out the means Eliza used to curse Silas but not before the next full moon where Dylan goes absolutely sick nasty werewolf mode. Like I said earlier, the sun ain't even down yet and he's already going nuts. He's covered in the black veins, his eyes are red his skin has gone ghostly white and his teeth are all hella pointy. And he's just unreachable mentally. Like fully, Dylan's not home right now, only his feral twin brother who tries to bite anyone who gets close to him. He can't even talk, it's nasty boy central.
They definitely used the lodge as their place of operation so they could lock him in the storm shelter which he probably breaks out of right when it's the most dramatic. Like before Abi or Emma does the final part of the incantation to hopefully end the curse and right when he's about to kill Ryan or Kaitlyn, it works, they cure him and instead of the blood explosion it's like when they're exorcising a demon in Supernatural™ except not as lame. Like this wispy black essence gets forced out of him, he turns back to normal and he passes the fuck out and doesn't wake up for like two days.
But anyway I'm done now. If anyone actually reads this, you're a real one. Hop into my DMs and let me pour out the contents of my brain onto your lap xox
#the Quarry#dylan lenivy#tq hcs#the quarry headcanons#ask#anon#im glad people like it when i brain vomit onto a tumblr post because this shit is right up in my brain and it's not going anywhere#the quarry#supermassive games
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I love your Anko fanart! Tell me, what are your views/headcannons on Anko X Kazuku?
hThank you so much for the ask, finally I can answer it
here is my big thank you for the waitng
In a nutshell, the shipp was created by accident while me and my buddy were working on our first Naruto AU in 2019, where Kakuzu and Deidara survived their shitty plotholes end eventually ended up in Konoha
Yeah
so, the shipp’s birth date is july the 1, 2019
anything like classy, aristocracy kind of tension-filled passionate gothic romance with playful, psychological games & hurt/comfort vibes with slight scent of rivalry is KakuAnko
Basically, they are: a very, very old man with absolutely horrendous background who’s trying to finally have his mother*cking 10 or 30 years of peace, and a rather young lady with a rocky youth who’s being good & noble yet has very strong antihero tendencies
You know, I think they do have potential, since, in fact, they seem to be very similar, at the core
They are both very pragmatic realists, the people of logic and reason, yet if Kakuzu’s irritability doesn’t affect him a tiny bit due to his ideal self-control, Anko’s can lead her to quite bad places, sometimes. They put their interests in the first place, and even though she tries to attach them to Konoha’s, she still has ‘personal’ things (I’ll write ‘bout it lower*). Their mindsets are so complicatedly organized that, at some point & way, it prevents them from having many close people, and makes them very hard to see through and predict
Both of them are very flexible & adaptive, independent individuals with similar outlooks on plenty of things and high intellectual level. They clearly can find plenty of traits that they would highly respect and adore in each other
Here I will speak mostly for “why and how” kind of things, bc both of them are terribly tricky to accurately figure out. But there will be some headcanons too
So, there are still some odds about them, due to the strong difference in their occupation, like, in plenty of cases they are really tricky to be brought together, because:
- Of the job
In original, Anko is a Konoha’s special jounin, and she is very dedicated to serving the country. Independently of whether she likes her job or not (depends on the plot), she orienteers at the people, at society’s gain from her work. So, accordingly, in any other AU her job is somehow connected to civil service, whether it’s something police-like, connected to science, or something like CCG in Tokyo Ghoul
Kakuzu, on the other hand, is a hitman and a persona non grata in literally all the five big countries, Konoha too (which makes it barely possible to bring them together in the original universe without hard complications or heavy drama. But still possible). He orienteers on his own gain alone, but, depending on the job, it can include others’ gain, too.
This detail makes him a saint once he holds supervising position in some company or any high position in the government (the better the working conditions of the staff now- the more money in the prospective), and the sheer nightmare once he has it on the opposite side of the law. Him as a mob boss is a complete different topic for discussion, but to get the point, in this case, the trouble isn’t him increasing the level of criminality (its rather vice-versa), but taking hold of too much control in the high and underground structures. Even as an ordinary hitman he’s rather tricky, since everything depends on the case
In most of the stories, they come to some sort of compromise, and how hard it is to reach it depends on how shitty his job is and how attached they are to each other at the moment
Like, in the above mentioned Shippuden AU and Harry Potter AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) everything went like clockwork, because there they are both more or less on this side of the law, in Tokyo Ghoul AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) it is a bit more complicated, with her being in-law and him being very much outlaw, in the Avatar AU (which I also figured out with my buddy, but we never happened to write it) it is also pretty smooth, with both of them being outlaws and then jumping out to the glory after all the shit is done, but in another Shippuden AU of mine, this all would be just a motherfucking bloody disaster
- Kakuzu is actually a hard nut to get attached to anyone
He lived too long to be truly afraid of anything, though. Its mostly because he doesn’t really need to get attached to or become close with someone to satisfy his need for communication. The man can get along with anyone once he wishes to, he can have countless acquaintances and plenty of buddies, but he doesn’t have many comrades and barely can call anyone a friend. Because he is used to lose everything and everyone he ever had or happened to have, because of his inhumanly lengthened lifespan.
It requires time for him to get used to the person, and then, eventually, in some cases, spend plenty of it to get attached
Plus, for him, due to his profession, each close connection is a really great responsibility for him. In most cases, he’d think twice of weather he is ready to take it or not
Though it of course has the personal factor, too
In Anko’s case, she has a grand privilege by being a very intelligent and keen woman, not just in cognitive plane, but in emotional, too. High emotional intellect is actually a rare trait, so she automatically stands out of the crowd for him. Even though it won’t guarantee his alliance, it will grant her his high respect and some sort of sympathy
- Kakuzu is, technically, an asshole
He does have his moral compass, which includes a great amount of common social morality, but he also has that “I am working” state
Even though Kakusu has a set of professional principles, and he still acts accordingly to what he thinks is right, one and the very same situation can be solved diametrically different once the context changes from working to casual and vice versa
This, and him being very independent and quite antisocial, makes the degree of assholeness depend on various factors
This can lead to major conflicts of interests, and if they are possible to have any compromise or not is strongly attached to the circumstances. After all, both are very, very prideful and dignified people
- In other words, the only major issue for them would be morality questions. It’s possible to make the case acceptable for Anko, since both of them ain’t truly squeaky clean, along with Kakuzu being willing enough to watch his borders
- She is provident and doesn’t really need a lot of money on a daily basis, which is much of a joy to him lol
- *they both seek for the stable ground, first of all
Taking in consideration the life conditions Kakuzu had in his youth (despite war state, he still stably had family, friends, grand respect from everyone, home, warmth and food) and how terribly he was torn out of his secured social environment, I believe what he seeks through all his bounty hunt and other money-connected manipulations is stability. Sustainability he had back then. The only way to have it in the conditions of our existent world order is to have money (and a very good mind and luck)
Anko has indeed much more altruistic motives, yet it’s still not that simple. It seems to be, on the first sight, yet considering the “Orochimaru related cases” and her very wayward behavior toward them, it’s clear she keeps her own motives and needs in mind oh so well. The service she has is very well payed, it allows her to do what she likes or believes is right, and to have the living conditions she finds comfortable. And only here, relying on the made sustainable basis, she does what she does
- Thus, they both illustrate the principle “first help yourself, next help the other” just right
- She knows she can keep an eye on him, yet it’s clear for her that her influence isn’t borderless, as well as telling him off some stuff is kind of a not wise thing to do. So in the majority of cases, she never interferes
- This is not common, yet he can actually change some plans if the situation is serious and the compromise can’t be found. He is that kind of person who works on a further prospective, and in this context, this would be the relationship with his loved one
- While Kakuzu is quite conflicted and has very reserved controversial persona, Anko is both controversial, conflicted, and sort of two-faced, on top of that
She is a very sincere, cheerful and humbly honest human being, yet she has some darker natural traits of her character that became rather strong with age and traumatic experience. Cunningness, guile, ways-depend-on-the-case and a bit of ruthlessness, that is. Moreover, she has some unsolved personal issues, which makes her even more twisted.
Like, remember the time when she confronted Orochimaru during the exam? And Kabuto, on the war? Getting rid of them is indeed beneficial for Konoha, but it’s clear that for her it is personal vendetta in the first place. She wouldn’t have tried to do this alone, otherwise, because these two are rather dangerous ones, to say the least.
She uses greater good to cover her real motives (even though it is not truly complete bullshit), and seems to have a terrible habit to keep silence about really important things, which makes her quite prone to lying, in some cases
And sometimes it very badly pisses Kakuzu off, since it makes her prone to doing useless but dangerous shit too
Yet this not any kind of separate hidden side, it is integrated into her personality, and coexists with her bright one. That’s where her violent humour comes from, for example.
But Kakuzu, on the other side, is completely monolith individual, yet sometimes his mindset can create contradictions when it comes to something important to him. but it's another topic
And seeing these layered constructions, and motives, they can pretty finely predict each other’s behavior. Not super-neatly, but they for sure see the basis. This is what helps Kakuzu to prevent Anko from doing some stupid shit, sometimes
- Anko has a role of an indicator for the people who don’t understand and see the changes in Kakuzu’s mood sometimes, since she usually reacts quite openly. Yet, when she has the same unreadable mask of cold, or one of guile, it’s a nightmare for them
- They prefer the non-verbal way to show their feelings, even though Anko is obviously the more chatty one
- They don’t say things such as “I love you”, or other sensual stuff like that really often, believing it to be some sort of cherished words that shall not be spelled mindlessly
- Anko isn’t majorly into PDA, but she fancies it much more than Kakuzu does. She has her whole moments of studying something with her hands, whether it’s a hand, scar or face. He’s more into passive display of affection, like wrapping an arm over her waist or leaning to her or something of this kind; they can allow themselves to (not sexually) kiss in public though
- She knows he doesn’t like to walk hand in hand due to considering it a youthful thing, so there are times when she intentionally walks holding on to his sleeve; generally they walk separately in order not to bother each other, but sometimes they walk arm in arm (like an old Victorian couple lol)
- Being older and wiser, Kakuzu eventually upholds some kind of mentoring position, yet he never considers himself any kind of a teacher or master to Anko, believing her to have a good head of her own. He is just insightful enough to break something through to her or give a word of advise
- This, combined with his highly powerful demeanor, also makes him have the leading position in their relationship
- Anko respects him much enough to fortify this, entrusting with plenty of life questions (like organizing the family budget), even though they make the majority of decisions together. Mostly because he is truly wise and highly experienced individual.
- This makes him one of the very few people Anko would actually listen to and take their opinion in consideration
- So basically they have equal relationship with some tendency to patriarchal order
- And it is, really, mostly economically-based disbalance, with him earning much more than she does
- Yet they never have any financial-based issues, since both of them keep in mind and respect the contributions of each
- There is major power play here, too. He has the absolute might, she has seduction. Anko loves how he makes her want to submit to him, let him have all the power, so she likes provoking him. And she knows he adores it, loves the subtle control she has over him
- They don’t have conflicts in their everyday life. Each knows how to avoid pissing one another off
- He cherishes her playful demeanor, her intellect. Combined with her cunningness, it allows her to rival him, in social sphere. The way she constructs her phrases, the way she speaks, mimics, moves, how bewitchingly it suits her feminine snaky features makes his blood boil and heart melt
- Both of them, actually, have rather specific kind of dry, dark humour. Kakuzu’s is very cynical, satirical, quite often menacing and subtly demeaning; Anko’s is very sarcastic and quite dirty, even gruesome and rather violent
- Sometimes they “fight” verbally as a form of a play. In some circumstances they may sound pretty vile, so some unobservant people mistake this for display of hate
- In general, Anko is the one to heat things up with her playful demeanor, which can include provocation and rivalry, and Kakuzu is the one to keep this energy in borders, accumulating it up to much more intense states
- They both put the comfort in the first place when it comes to household. Everything must be cozy, useful, silent and super clean
- Yet they are both very unpretentious and modest, really
- She absolutely adores when he is showing his serious, severe side, or powerful demeanor. She finds it incredibly suitable for him. She also likes how his real age is sliding out in this or that way. Like, even though he has rather young face (that of 37-40 y.o.), his eyes give away that he���ve seen oh so much more than it seems; the grumpy noises and grunts he makes, the lazy attitude in movements and the way how rapidly he finds a comfy pose once he has a chance to take a seat
- They are both rather patriotic, yet while in the most stories Anko’s feelings mostly lay towards the country she lives in, Kakuzu’s more often lay towards some places, so called small motherland.
- Kakuzu actually could be a source of deep, strong admiration and delight for her, despite all of his bullshit. The unbreakable will he has, mighty burning heart, all the wisdom, talents and mind. Being sent to fight god damn Hashirama, clearly a genius of his times, financial & management genius at the least. And, still, after all the hard times he’ve been through, he maintained the very strong sense of dignity and nobility, even though slightly twisted due to the profession and abnormal lifespan
- And the very same things can serve as the source for her chagrin: with all those traits, he could have been so much more rather than a criminal. With all the gifts he’ve got, he could have been of great use to society. He’s much easier about this, since his prospective is much wider and embraces decades (and in some universes even centuries) instead of months & years, and he knows that he’d be switching sides throughout his life, being on this and that side of the law, yet he still is a bit uncomfortable once it’s brought up
- They are deeply into science, which makes them atheists. He’s into medicine and human biology, she’s into chemistry and reptilian biology; both of them are nuts for physics, history and psychology
- They solve complicated physical and mathematical problems together time to time. She is the first one to have tea-breaks due to losing her temper over it, he tries to figure things out right until you can sense the smoke coming off his head
- Actually, they do have a stumbling stone aside from job & morality complications. And this is Anko’s attitude towards Orochimaru
What she does is basically ruins her life very-very slowly, maintaining the issues she has and planning to make him pay for all he’s done
Kakuzu knows exactly what is really going on with this attitude and why, but he can’t really do anything about it. Like, he knows he can’t make her change her mind or put something into her head
All he can do is really nothing but try to explain how those things are working, and even this option is basically a landmine field for him. At some level she does understand that he could probably be right, yet she just refuses to go back on her mind. And this is actually really dangerous, so at some moments they can fight quite badly about it
- He’s scared shitless to lose her, though; especially like that, even though he knows clearly that he will, anyway, sooner or later
- he knows that losing loved ones ends up with sheer disaster for him, yet he isn’t afraid to pay such a high price for those six, five or four decades of being with her. Because these decades are that of a paradise ones for him. Wife and family, as well as stable job, incomes and life conditions, are some sort of physical definitions of sustainability he craves. Especially family, yet it’s far ahead to plan
- The fact that he will have to bury her one day makes her rather depressed, as well as the knowledge that the only thing she can really do about it is to try to bring him as much happiness and comfort as possible before she dies
thank you, i'd say more, but it's too much already
#my art#naruto#naruto shipuden#akatsuki#naruto akatsuki#akatsuki kakuzu#kakuzu#naruto anko#mitarashi anko#kakuanko#they are very entertaining disaster
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“She is no longer a proud Slytherin to me.” D.M x Reader
Request from @the--queen-of-hell
-> OOOOH GURL.Hear me out. This isn't a request but if you like it feel free to use this!So, in the events of TDH, when the trio is taken to the manor, let's say reader is caught with them and brought to the manor. She's a slytherin but she fights against Voldemort..But she is also in a secret relationship with our beautiful Draco.So, Bellatrix tells the goons to take them all to the dungeon, including reader.Draco says that HE will be the one to take them, just so he can make sure that reader is fine.He tries his best to be convincing that he HATES them, so he grabs reader and pushes her around til they're in the dungeon.Omce theyre there, Draco starts worrying about her and asks her if he's hurt her, if she's okay... And while she reassures him that she is fine he pulls her close to him and presses a soft kiss on her forehead 🥺🥺🥺🥺BUT every one in the dungeon can see that, but he doesn care. HE WANTS HIS LOVE SAFE AND ALIVE. So he promises to help her...and the others... Escape.They both survive, and live happily together forever 🥺💚
Summary: During the Deathly Hallows, Y/N and the Golden Trio are being brought to the one place she wished to see on any other occasion, Malfoy Manor, to be held captive by Bellatrix and the Malfoys. Will Draco keep his guard and pretend he doesn’t care for you? Or will he save the person he loves the most in his life?
Word Count: 5.5k
A/N: I finally made this request! Thank you so much, for this lovely request.
Taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @bbeauttyybbx
There was an immeasurable secret that you have been deeply pledging to yourself to keep until the moment was right to let it all out. On no occasion was there a moment in time where you could shout it to the skies and feel as free as a bird. For the last six years, on no account has there ever been a moment where you could make it known that you were the secret girlfriend of Draco Lucius Malfoy. During this evil time of seventh year, perhaps the secret would stay forever to your heart, should the plan not go as expected for Team Harry.
There were times when you couldn’t stand keeping the secret. Seeing other couples, freely expressing their love to each other. The adorable yet minimal displays of affections that lovebirds could do with each other started to eat you up inside as the years flew by as you started to blossom into a young adult.
While you watched the simple things such as someone leaning down on their lover’s shoulder as a smile crept under their soft and light faces as the other held them tightly, squeezing the love out, you were sitting alone, with your friends, who probably had the same situation going, or didn’t happen to care about the things you were watching as you sat as far away from the one person you could be doing the things you were watching.
But, no.
You couldn’t watch a quidditch game with heart-shaped eyes as your favorite seeker flew from left to right, up and down.
You couldn’t agree to go on a date to Hogsmeade with any other boy, as you tried giving the most bizarre reasons that you could think of, letting all the boys assume that you were clearly uninterested in a romantic relationship during your Hogwarts life.
You couldn’t travel down to Malfoy Manor over the holidays, knowing you wouldn’t even receive a gift at home. sent from the Manor you dreamed of visiting.
You couldn’t shout that you were in love with Draco Malfoy.
Despite deeply knowing that it was highly unlikely to go public with the man you love, there have been times wherein you just couldn’t take it anymore. You knew how much this secret should be kept safe, but there were just times where it drove you out of your mind, wherein, yes, you knew, but you just weren’t in the right state of mind.
FLASHBACK
During the evening of Valentine’s day, every student, whether single or taken, were all having pleasant meals in the Great Hall. Love was truly in the air for most people. The moment the day had started, it was like everyone inhaled love potions created by who knows, as the day was considered a jolly and carefree day for all.
Smiles were growing from everyone’s faces as they either watched adorable couples hold hands, or be in the position of those couples, smiling as wide as possible as it was a day truly made for them.
This day could have been for you as well if the world knew of your romantic relationship with Draco.
Oh, the countless romantic things he could have done for you. He had never dated anyone seriously before but the secret flirting he had experienced with you could already explain how much of a suave and gentleman he could be.
So, as you watched couples playfully spoon feed each other and make tiny messes during the process, you internally groaned, resting your head on your cupped palm as your elbow placed some weight on the table.
You had finished only half of your dinner as everything about Valentine’s day had made you lose your appetite. Spending the day pretending to be something that you weren’t, felt like any other day that you have been going through for years. Today just made things more difficult for you since these couples were expressing their love more freely, making you yearn for the things they could do.
Sick and feeling more hopeless than usual, you slowly stood up from your table, dragging your eyes and feet away from every couple that you dreamed of being as you attempted to nonchalantly exit the Great Hall as if nothing bothered you.
This attempt was a complete failure through the sneaky eyes of Draco Malfoy who was silently watching you from the ends of the Slytherin table. He had been observing you quietly from his side of the Slytherin table, noticing and feeling the emotions from inside of you.
Ever since this morning, you had been utterly quiet during classes, either staring at people you didn’t know, or trying to get the sight of those people out of your head as you were focusing in class with an uncomfortable expression.
This obviously led to realizing that it was about the little holiday that lovers were currently celebrating. He knew that there were times when you wanted to shout to the world that you were proudly and madly in love with him. He felt the same, but he was more controlling of himself, not expressing to you that he wanted to do the same thing.
During meal time in the Great Hall, he came in early, and once you entered, he could already sense the emotions boiling in your system as you slumped on the table, looking like the saddest person in the castle as you tried ignoring your friends or giving them short answers if they tried talking to you.
As you ate, you tried giving yourself the slowest bites, giving more attention and focus on the deep thoughts you were thinking about. These deep thoughts led you to not finishing the remaining half of your plate and got you to abruptly stand up from the table and exit the Great Hall, being the first one to end her meal time.
Draco obviously wanted to follow. He counted to a good ten seconds in order not to seem suspicious about following you out of the Great Hall. When ten seconds were over, he told his gang not to follow him as he had, ‘the bad stomach.’ Knowing that nobody wanted to hear that while they were eating, they told him to rush out, telling him not to worry about it.
When he stood up, he watched his own actions as he smoothly briskly walked out of the Great Hall, hoping to catch up with the girl of his dreams. If he had the Astronomy tower to hide and let out his emotions, you had the Black Lake.
You were staring at your sad reflexion by the waters of the Black Lake. It was cold outside but this didn’t matter to you anymore as the sadness had clouded your mind and body.
Watching your reflection by the waters was something you only did when you were either sad or in deep thinking. Tonight you were both.
You crept down, touching the water with a single finger, causing a ripple that made small movements, resulting in your reflection to move as well. Usually this would make you grow a smile on your face but you were too sad to do that.
Sighing, you said, “When will this end?” You asked yourself.
Then, a platinum blonde hair had started creeping up behind your reflection, standing behind you with a small smile. “When this is all over, you know that.”
You stood up, turning around to see your boyfriend Draco remove his Slytherin scarf from his neck, “Wouldn’t want to see you freezing, love.” He said, wrapping the scarf around your neck gently.
“I can’t wear this forever, you know people will know, the green apple scent, the fact that I didn’t leave my dorm with a scarf, everything.” You declined the gesture, unwrapping the scarf from your neck.
As you were doing this, Draco frowned, placing his hands on your neck to prevent you from completely removing the scarf from your neck. “Wear it for now, please, we’re still outside.”
“I won’t be for long,” you said, removing his hands from your neck as you completely removed the scarf, something he tried avoiding, as you were prepared to leave the scene.
Draco stepped to the side, guarding you from leaving him as he looked at you with a careful look on his face. “You’re here for a reason, and I would like to know why.”
“It’s nothing, I just wanted some fresh air.”
“If I’m not mistaken, dear, I think I heard you ask yourself when this secret of ours would end. Correct?”
“No, because technically I didn’t say that. You don’t know if the question is under the same context as what I was thinking.”
“What else could you be asking yourself what would end? Our relationship?” Draco asked, pouting, knowing that you wouldn’t dare question that.
“Of course not, you fool,” you rolled your eyes, “Okay so maybe I might have been asking when keeping our secret could come to an end. So, what? I always ask this.”
Draco crossed his arms, giving you a smirk as he knew the reason why you were being so odd today. You looked at him with a confused look, wondering why he was smirking.
“But it’s not always Valentine’s Day.” He truthfully said, catching you off guard as your eyes widened, seeing that Draco had gotten the answer right.
You sighed, looking down at your shoes, “I just can’t stand how we could have been spending our time together like every lovebird today. I can’t stand how we have to keep us a secret.”
Draco slightly frowned, knowing exactly how you felt. He placed his hands on your shoulders, tilting his head for you to see his face despite looking down at the ground.
“Y/N/N, my dear, look at me,” he begged, making you look up at him with a sad face, “We’re starting to live in mad times. You know that. Once everything is all over, we can live our lives freely. Hang on right, okay? This is going to be some bumpy road along the way. As long as you keep your faith in us, we will get there. Can you be a patient little lovebird for me?”
You playfully rolled your eyes after hearing him call you a ‘little lovebird’ but still nodded in agreement, making Draco chuckle and smile at your response, saying, “That’s my girl,” then placed a small and quick kiss on your forehead. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Draco.” You greeted back. Then turned around to see some students leave the Great Hall and enter the corridors despite being a little bit far away from the castle. “Would you mind if I left first to not make anything suspicious?”
“Of course, ladies first, dear.” He said, encouraging you to walk away. “See you around, you know I’ll keep an eye on you from afar, yeah?”
“Always,” you smiled, then turned around, running off to the castle, pretending that nothing happened, which slowly broke your heart a little bit.
Draco huffed in sadness as he realizes he had to do the same thing when it was his turn to leave the lake and return to his dorm. “We’ll get there,” he muttered to himself.
From there on, Draco and you had continued keeping the secret, whether either of you were weak to your knees or capable of being as strong as possible.
Through your ups and downs, the both of you had managed to have sealed lips every day. To make things easier, Draco had set up more secret meetings with you, to keep the love in the air as strong as possible.
These secret meetups were either in the Astronomy Tower, the Black Lake, or any secret place that nobody was seen occupying or passing through frequently. These times together were the only times you could express actual love to the person you pretended to see as a stranger.
Unfortunately, the battle between You-Know-Who and Harry Potter only became more intense than ever during your seventh year. This tension between the two of them had been going on for quite some time and the actual battle had to come sooner or later, and it did arrive, during your final year at Hogwarts.
You couldn’t imagine how badly things ended up for it was a traumatic experience for you and Draco to be in different teams of the battle, challenging the relationship the two of you had shared for the last few years.
When the tension had risen during the first of seventh year, Draco had secretly told you that this was the ultimate thing the two of you had prepared for mentally, emotionally, and physically. Forget the secret meet ups, forget the jealousy of wanting to be like other couples, forget it.
There was no time for either of you to hold each other tightly while the battle went on. Despite being a pureblood Slytherin, you went your separate ways as you were with the Golden Trio, fighting against You-Know-Who.
So there you were in the dark night along with the Golden Trio as fellow death-eaters had grabbed a hold of the four of you as they forced you into walking towards the place that you had always wanted to visit in your life.
Malfoy Manor.
This was certainly not the way you had wanted your first visit in your boyfriend’s house to be like but what could you do? You would rather go insane and be sent to Azkaban than become a death-eater and hold the most gruesome meetings in Malfoy Manor, serving the Dark Lord himself in plotting against Harry Potter and Hogwarts.
As you were taking a look of the Manor you had once dreamt of, there seemed to be a figure by the gates, jumping happily and crazily as the figure had seen a glimpse of four teenagers walking towards the gates with death-eaters.
“Woo-hoo!,” said the voice in a high-pitched manner, “Walk faster, I’d like to see the look on their precious faces.”
Getting closer to the gates, you saw Bellatrix Lestrange as her whole outfit from top to bottom was all in black. Her hair seemed to be the messiest hair you had ever seen, looking as if she hasn’t had the experience of brushing it properly, only to make it as messy as possible.
With her hand sticking out of the gate, she pointed at Harry, who was to your left. The death-eater dealing with him smirked and forcefully pushed Harry towards the gates where Bellatrix grabbed him by the shirt.
She scanned up quickly, as her eyes flew up and down Harry, grinning crazily as possible, probably thinking of something horrible to do with him. She let out a small laugh, “Get. Draco.” she whispered, making Hermione grunt in anger as she tried removing the tight grip the death dealer assigned to her had on the girl.
Your eyes widened upon hearing the familiar name that she had mentioned. It was only a matter of time for Draco to appear in this situation. After all, this was his house, so it was obvious that he had to be there.
As Harry was still up-close in front of the maniac Bellatrix, the madwoman extended her arm, holding a tight grip on Harry’s shirt, followed by the death-eaters who were doing the same to you, Hermione, and Ron, tightening their grips on the three of you as they watched Bellatrix nod, giving them a signal they had been prepared to do.
You were all apparated into the interior of Malfoy Manor. It was quite uneasy after being apparated for the first time. You stumbled a bit, causing to lose balance but gained it in a few seconds as your eyes were now making themselves familiar with the new surroundings you were in.
Scanning around the unfamiliar manor, there was a grand white fireplace that had no fire in it, there were tables, and other furniture placed by the sides, giving the whole middle area of the room enough space to move around freely.
This must have been the lively living room that Draco had mentioned to you before.
Speaking of Draco…
As Bellatrix had pushed Harry down to the floor, grunting and breathing in pain, there happened to be a group of footsteps, casually walking towards you and the rest of the captives. Despite not looking up yet to see the faces of the people who were walking towards you, you exhaled nervously, knowing the possibility of knowing one of the owners of one of the footsteps.
Carefully, you looked up to see Draco Malfoy, now standing tall in front of you, wearing his trademark of an outfit. He was wearing his black suit gracefully as his parents were wearing the same color, so was Bellatrix. His eyes were on you for a second, and it seemed like there was a mixture of fear and anger as he gave you a quick look.
Holding himself properly, he then turned his view to Harry as Bellatrix aggressively pulled him up, now kneeling and still breathing in pain. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were too looking at the boy who lived, judging him with such distaste and superiority as if their lives depended on it. They motioned the death-eaters of Hermione and Ron to pull them to their side, pushing them to the other side of the room.
Forgetting to wonder why they didn’t have you pulled to the other side as well, your eyes were still glued on Draco despite the fact that he was now looking at Harry with the same judgemental eyes as his parents, but there was only a small hint of nervousness or confusion in him.
Bellatrix started to grow impatient as the Malfoy’s were just staring at the person she had been holding tightly. “Well?” she reminded, pushing herself to continue with the smile she had on her face.
Draco scanned Harry, up and down quickly, “I can’t be sure,” he shakily replied to his aunt.
“Draco,” Lucius warned him, walking towards him as he held him by the neck, shaking him slightly as Draco looked uncomfortable with the situation, causing himself to look down to the ground, “Look closely.”
Then Lucius turned back to Narcissa for a quick second, then back to Draco, still holding him in the neck, “If we want to hand Potter to the Dark Lord, everything will be forgiven! We will all be as it was, don’t you understand?” he pleaded with Draco, trying to get a nod from his son, who only could give a small shaky nod as he was looking closely yet terrifyingly at his father.
“Now we won’t be forgetting who actually caught him, I hope, Mr. Malfoy?” said one of the death eaters with an insulting attitude.
Lucius didn’t bother look to see who had insulted him as he looked away, scolding, “Don’t you dare talk to me like that in MY OWN HOUSE-”
Narcissa rushed to her family’s side, holding his husband, pleading, “Lucius,” she whispered, managing to hold and walk him a few steps backwards, leaving a more terrified Draco, inhaling and exhaling quicker.
You were desperately holding yourself from going to him, comforting him and telling him that everything was going to be alright even though the chances of that were really difficult to talk about at the moment since you were now in the hardest situation in your life so far. ‘
But Bellatrix spoke before you could think more about Draco, “Don’t be shy, sweetie,” she encouraged her nephew, having him walk slowly closer to her and Harry, “Come over,”
Draco knelt down, closing some space between him and Harry, feeling uncomfortable.
“Now, if this isn’t who you think it is and we call him, he’ll kill us ALL. We need to be absolutely sure.”
Draco analyzed the boy in front of him, seeming slightly confused aside from being overly terrified. “What’s wrong with his face?”
“Yes! What IS wrong with his face?” Bellatrix asked, sounding actually curious.
“He came to us like that,” spoke a death eater, “Something he picked up in the forest.”
“Right,” Bellatrix whispered to herself, then turned around to Hermione and Ron, “Was it you two?” she pointed at them with her wand. The two of them remained silent, watching Bellatrix carefully as they were still being held tightly by the death eaters.
Draco’s eyes were now glancing at you, now that Bellatrix wasn’t able to see that his attention was now on you. He remained the same, just looking at you heavily as if he was trying to mentally tell you something. You looked at quietly, with soft eyes as if you wanted to tell him, ‘Oh, Draco’ with a sigh.
But seeing that the two of them did not give her an answer, she turned back to you, as you were still by Harry’s side. “Or how about you, dear Y/L/N?”
Surprised, you asked, “You know me?”
“Course I do, little miss Y/L/N, pureblood Slytherin, daughters to respected death eaters who I’d pay good galleons to see the looks on their faces if they were here to see how disappointed and embarrassed they’d be if they were in the same room with their selfish little blood traitor daughter of theirs!”
Embarrassed but at the same time angered at the words coming from her mouth, you silently looked down to the ground, muttering to yourself that you needed to keep yourself together from lashing out and making things worse. You held your words from coming from your mouth, closing your mouth strongly.
There was a slight angered emotion in Draco’s eyes as he was pained to hear what his aunt said about you. If this was like any normal day, he would hex a nasty spell at whoever dared say something cruel to the nicest person he had in his life. Still kneeling down facing Potter, Draco slowly started removing his wand, trying to stop the temptation of hexing that spell on his aunt.
Thinking that Draco was pulling his wand for other reasons, Bellatrix happened to have a lightbulb switch on above her head, giving her an excellent idea.
“Give me a wand,” she said, now looking at Hermione, “I wanna see what her last spell was,” she demanded.
Hermione turned around stiffly, watching Bellatrix walk past her, as she was in the process of getting a wand. Bellatrix started laughing, pointing at Hermione, “Ah, got you!”
She continued laughing again, taunting Hermione, as she looked so happy to see that all was going well again now. The smile on her face eventually dropped when she looked forward, seeing what was in front of her with a shock on her face.
“What’s that?” she asked in curiosity mixed with fear.
She was looking at a sword, which was held by a death eater, who seemed not so scared yet nonchalant about his situation.
“Where’d you get that from?”
“It was in her bag, when we searched her,” he truthfully replied, “Reckon it’s mine now.”
Without hesitation in her system, Bellatrix waved her wand, vanishing the death eater that had been holding the sword, as it was now in her hands. Hastily, she then choked the two other death eaters with the wave of her wand, putting them in fear.
You were also in fear yourself just by witnessing the madness your boyfriend’s aunt had in her. The Golden trio as well were also watching with terror in their eyes, not knowing what to do as they were standing, frozen like an ice sculpture.
“Get out!,” Bellatrix demanded, showing the death eaters that she had choked, away from the living room. They were limping, trying to get away as fast as they could.
“Sissy,” she said, walking past by her sister who was pointing her wand at the two, to make sure that they wouldn’t do anything as Bellatrix was now walking towards her. Bellatrix held Ron’s shirt tightly, as he looked at her with fright in his eyes since we were ever so close to Bellatrix, “Put the boys in the cellar!” she demanded.
Narcissa followed her sister’s command, pushing Ron and now Harry to death eaters who were about to show them the way to the cellars.
Bellatrix went to Hermione, “I’ll have a little conversation with this one,” she said, “Girl to girl!” she shouted, giving off the same closeness as what she did with Ron.
Thinking Bellatrix had forgotten about you, you looked at Draco for a fast second, who looked at you back with suspense, knowing exactly what you were about to do. He tried giving you small, pleading eyes, trying not to be obvious, but mentally begging you to not do what he thinks you’re about to do didn’t work. You shook off the death eater that was still holding you, walking right to Bellatrix.
“I don’t think so, Bellatrix,” you warned her, which made the death eaters assigned to Harry and Ron stop from bringing them to the cellar. “You’ll have to include me in this little conversation of yours before you could lay a hand on my friend.”
Feeling like she was threatened, Bellatrix turned to you with such rage in her eyes. She raised her wand, preventing you from walking closer to her, “Uh, uh, uh,” she warned you, causing you to stop walking, “Stay where you are, Y/L/N, you’re welcome to join our conversation, that is, before I-”
“That’s enough of this monstrosity!” Draco demanded.
Bellatrix lowered her wand slightly from you, looking slightly surprised that her nephew found the courage to actually speak now, since he was quite quiet earlier.
“Is there a problem, Draco?”
Draco nodded, looking at you with wrath, “Of course there is, it’s the audacity of this blood-traitor to talk to you in such a bloody way.” he said, pointing at you with such disgust.
Bellatrix flashed a proud smile at her nephew, placing her wand down to give a nod in agreement, “Why, you’re absolutely right, dear, Draco!” she said, playing around as she walked towards him to pat him in the back, “I suppose you can agree that she deserves a proper lesson from me?”
“Let me handle that for you, aunt.” he replied, giving Bellatrix a mischievous smirk, “I am far more disgusted to be in the same room as this blood-traitor. I stopped considering her an ally and a person worthy of respect and prestigiousness the moment she decided to humiliate her proud, well-known name. She is no longer a proud Slytherin to me.”
“Oh?” Bellatrix asked, letting out a fake gasp as she looked at your ‘hurtful’ face.
“You have no right-” you were interrupted when Draco advanced forward, pushing you as his grip was now on your arm, “Shut up, blood-traitor,” he scolded, “They are all going down to the cellar on my command now. I will teach them all a lesson.”
Draco thought he successfully won the argument as he started motioning for you and the boys to move when Bellatrix yelped an, “Ah!”
Everyone including you and Draco turned around to see that Bellatrix was holding onto Hermione, who looked like she was whimpering in internal fear.
“I believe this mudblood and I are going to have a conversation, the rest of the blood-traitors can go with you, Draco.” she held Hermione now in the shoulder, waving away Draco and the death-eaters.
“Very well,” he nodded, “Onto the cellars, you filthy rats.” he said, pushing you.
While walking away from the living room, you managed to turn around to give Hermione an encouraging look on your face as she was now about to have a little conversation with one of the most psychotic wizards alive.
She tried giving you the same encouraging look considering that you too, were about to go through some serious things as well. Although, something told you that with Draco’s stellar performance of pretending to despise you, you were going to be taken cared of well.
So you gave Hermione another facial expression before turning back, it was a slight frown at her, realizing that you were leaving a good friend of yours in serious trouble while you were probably saved from that kind of treatment.
The short trip to the cellar was quite quiet on your hand. Harry and Ron were speaking of horrible things about Draco to each other, knowing perfectly well that Draco could hear them.
Walking down to the cellars, Draco looked at the death eaters handling the boys and nodded, “I can take it from here.”
They simply nodded, walking back up the stairs to return to living room. Draco painterly waited for them to be out of sight as his eyes were watching the shadows of the death eaters starting to vanish.
When their shadows were long gone, Draco let out a huge sigh, dropping the superior aura he had been carrying all day long as he slouched, opening his arms to envelope you tightly into a massive hug.
“Oh, my dear, my dear, I missed you!” He confessed.
You hugged him back, rubbing his back as he started inhaling and exhaling with such pace. “I missed you more, Draco, are you alright?” You asked, pulling away from him, cupping his face with one hand.
He smiled, raising his hand to hold your hand which was softly rubbing his cheek now. “I’m not the same without you. I could ask you the same, please, are you hurt?” He sounded so cautious, looking at you, up and down to scan if you were alright.
“I’ve had better days,” you joked, causing him to smile.
“I know,” he said, “But honestly, my love, I have missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking of every worse situation that could have happened to you. Every night, I pray to Merlin, asking him to keep you safe and alive. I-I have nightmares of you, getting hurt, and not being able to save you, and it pains me, Y/N, I can’t lose you, okay? I’m so fortunate that you’re here alive. I would be so lost without you, I don’t think I could keep this up anymore had I known you were gone.”
You felt like your heart had just melted as your-not-so-secret boyfriend confessed his love to you in front of the most important people of the battle. If you could see your exact reaction to what Draco had just said, it was like the most sincere puppy eyes you could give him. It was like you were about to tear up and wail like a pained animal.
Placing your hands on your cheeks, you melted, “Aw, Draco,”
Draco, without thinking twice, pulled you in, closing the space between the two of you as he hugged you even more tighter than the first hug you gave each other just a few seconds ago. He rubs your back this time, softly stroking it carefully as he remained silent, knowing it was your turn to confess your feelings to him.
“I don’t want you to ever think about the worse things happening to me, okay? We will get through this together. We are a team, remember? It’s just you and me forever, Draco. I think about you every second of my life and I will never stop doing that because you and I are meant to be, forever. We need to continue watching each other’s backs, okay? We’re the only way we can keep going in life. When I’m far away from you, just remember I’m always in your heart. You got that, Dray?”
“Mhm,” he replied, covering his face on your shoulder, to hide the emotions he was displaying from Harry and Ron, who were shockingly witnessing a relationship that was kept a secret for years and now had gone public.
Pulling away, he wrapped one arm around you, so he could turn to the shocked Harry and Ron and quietly said, “I will help all of you,” he muttered, “I will help all of you escape.”
“Thank you, Malfoy,” Harry whispered, giving a nod of respect to Draco, who looked at you with a small smile on his face.
This was certainly not the ideal way to publicly reveal yourselves as a couple but the love couldn’t keep you and Draco Malfoy from hiding the secret another minute or two longer. The separation the two of you had ever since the battle had started getting more intense had made it harder for the two of you to see each other, or even communicate by owl.
Seeing each other after such a long time made it very clear that it was time to show everyone what they have been missing for years as the two of you had let go of the very secret you both swore to keep shut until it was the right time.
Smiling, you looked up to see your boyfriend seem very eager with his word. Knowing that you were looking at him, he turned to you with a relieved smile. He slightly towered down with his head, kissing you in the forehead, which made you giggle slightly, knowing that he enjoyed giving you small forehead kisses.
Perhaps sometimes love can be unpredictable when it comes to time.
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დ content tag game დ
tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love!
1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)? - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock
2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only
3. how long have you been writing? on this blog? - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017
4. on which platforms do you post your stories? - here and AO3
5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural.
6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always
7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao
8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion? - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told
9. what is your longest published story? is it complete? - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed
10. which story did you enjoy working on the most? - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced
11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?) - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it
12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories? - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with
13. current number of wips? - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao
14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process
15. a quote you like from a published story.
‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’
‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’
‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’
- from: hero - chapter 3
16. a quote from an unpublished story.
Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?
The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.
from: time runner - chapter 7
17. space for you to say something to your readers.
hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3
tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy!
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Mayhem
Summary: Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it's Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together.
Tags: canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, death-bed love confessions, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff
Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid
Word Count: 4.2k
Masterlist // Read on AO3
A Gift For: @habs252117 — anybody can request fics in my ask box :)
A quick recap as this follows S4E1 which is technically a follow-on from the last ep of S3:
The BAU was called to the NY field office to investigate a series of random shootings in the city, often on subways and shit. They realise that this is actually a terror cell practicing for their big attack, and as this fic starts, they believe that the shootings were all in locations they planned to bomb in order to test 911 response times. Kate Joyner is Hotch's old friend, the blonde English one from Scotland Yard and Lisa is Lisa Bartleby, the NY field office tech analyst assigned to help Penelope in the show, Spencer in the fic.
The case had been stressful enough from the beginning. Spencer doesn’t often get to join the team in the field, usually staying in his computer den back in Quantico, so he’d initially been quite excited: he’d get to spend more time with Derek, plus visit New York, which he’s always had a strange sort of affinity for, as well as see his team in action. But then he’s working with equipment that isn’t his and they slowly piece together just how complicated this terrorism ring is and things seem more… bleak rather than exciting.
They’d all been starting to make their way back to the hotel when the news of the bombing hit the networks, and Spencer’s heart is in his mouth as he rushes back to his post, meeting Lisa Bartleby with harried nods of acknowledgement. Almost as soon as he’s settled at his desk the phone starts ringing.
“Spencer,” Rossi greets as soon as he picks up, “you’ve seen the news?”
“Yes, I— do you know where anyone is? What should I do?” he asks, feeling the panic settle on his chest, his stomach clenching in fear he doesn’t dare try and address.
“I’m here with Penelope, she’ll handle the media,” Rossi says, and Spencer realises that he can hear her low, steady voice she always employs in moments of extreme stress in the background of the call. “I need you to call homeland security and direct them to every site of the recent shootings. Tell them to pour troops in. If our profile is right we’re looking at eight suicide bombers who are about to hit every one of those locations.”
“Actually, if we’re correct, there’ll be sixteen suicide bombers,” Spencer realises with a start. “We predicted they’ll hit the second wave of first responders, too.”
Their conversation is interrupted by the news reporting that the bomb was inside a black SUV near the Federal Plaza and Spencer is pretty sure his entire body stops for a moment: cells stop replicating, blood stops flowing, hair and nails stop growing. This is his family. And he doesn’t know where any of them are, spread across an unfamiliar, dangerous city.
“Right, Spencer, do you have eyes on the Plaza?” Rossi asks, controlled urgency colouring his voice as he tries to keep himself and everyone else as calm as possible.
“Uh— yes, I’ve got like three hundred cameras there,” he says, glancing at Lisa, the NY field office’s contribution to his technological complex, as they jump into action, “give me a minute.”
“I’m here with Penelope, but I don’t know where anyone else is,” Rossi says, and for the first time Spencer can hear the panic rising in his voice. It’s quickly suppressed, but it’s there, and it does nothing to help him calm down. “Find them.”
He instructs Lisa to find every camera feed 20 blocks out concentrically from 26 Federal Plaza before fiddling with his headset, taking a deep breath, and, naturally, trying Derek first. His name has been circling round Spencer’s head like a prayer ever since they heard that it was potentially one of their own hit by the bomb, and the knot in his chest starts to unravel when he picks up the phone.
“Yeah, I’m still here,” Derek says, sounding impatient and stressed, but Spencer doesn’t mind. He’s alive. He’s okay.
“Thank God,” Spencer breathes. He keeps him on the line while he tries Emily, who sounds just as anxious when she picks up. He doesn’t mind though, he’s keeping a tally of everyone he knows is safe and it’s the only thing making him any less panicked. When JJ doesn’t pick up, the knot tightens a little and he tries to ignore the little string of ‘no no no’s dancing through his mind.
He hears Emily’s distressed exhale and closes his eyes for a second before forcing himself to get his head back in the game. The phone goes dead mid-JJ’s voicemail message, and then Emily drops off the call, Derek following, and that’s it. He’s lost contact with his team, JJ and Hotch still unaccounted for. Before he can actually lose his head, Lisa is calling him over, and he finally has eyes on the bombing.
He has to watch the man he sees as a father projected through the air by the blast from the bomb, and all he can hear for a solid five seconds is the fear buzzing in the static electricity around his ear.
⭐️
Derek arrives at the site of the explosion riled up in a way he hasn’t been for a long time, his only consolation being that he knows Spencer is safe. God, you can definitely count on working a terrorist attack in New York City to accentuate your crippling crush on a coworker; a subtle burn has settled itself across Derek’s chest, the urge to hold and protect Spencer far too distracting for the circumstances.
He reports immediately to Captain Warner but before he’s even able to identify himself, he hears Hotch shouting desperately for help and he slips immediately into rescue mode.
“Hey! This area’s restricted,” an ESU shouts at him, as soon as he dashes for the barrier, and he forces the blinding anger flaring in his stomach to simmer down as he turns to the Captain again.
“That’s my boss down there,” he shouts, making himself as intimidating as possible.
“I have my orders,” the Captain replies simply, eyes hard and unrelenting.
“I don’t give a damn what your orders are.” He’s finding it increasingly hard to restrain his anger as he hears Hotch shout again, turning to look hopelessly down the road at him.
“Look, I get it agent,” Warner attempts to placate him, “but we’ve been told by you that responders are the targets. So until the blast site is cleared, no-one goes in.”
Derek spins around to face him again. “You’re Marine Corps, right?” By the look on Warner’s face, he’s found his way in. “Right?”
“Please, go back to the marshaling point,” he replies, the fight draining out of him.
“I’m not doing it,” Derek yells stubbornly, furiously. “I’m not just gonna let my man lay down there like that.” Conveniently, Hotch’s miserable call comes down the road again and Derek meets the Captain’s eyes with a hard gaze. “Never leave a man behind. You do remember that, don’t you?”
“Help us!” Hotch screams again. “We’re here! Please!”
Derek glares at the Captain, and sprints as fast as he can towards Hotch as soon as he nods his okay. His boss is clearly disoriented and in a state of obvious distress but he doesn’t look terribly injured. Kate, on the other hand, is clearly a different story, and any hope Derek has for her survival melts away as Hotch explains her arterial bleed and he has to tell him that they can’t expect an ambulance any time soon. He tries to tell the kid crouching down by Kate to leave, but he seems reluctant.
Derek doesn’t have the headspace to analyse why until he’s finally got him to run off and Spencer’s ringing him to tell him that he’s the bomber.
⭐️
As soon as Spencer hears Derek run off after the bomber he feels his stress levels rising again. If Derek dies before Spencer finally works up the courage to tell him that he’s in love with him, he’ll never forgive himself for being such a coward, and he’ll never forgive Derek for leaving him.
Immediately, he patches into the marshaling point and tells the rest of them, who have only just all reunited, what’s going on.
“The bomb,” he explains, talking as fast as he can, “it was under Kate’s SUV. Hotch is out there with her, he seems okay but Kate is really hurt; they haven’t been able to move her.”
“Where was her SUV parked?” Rossi asks as they all gather around the computer.
“Two blocks east of Federal Plaza.”
“Two blocks east and they target Kate’s SUV?” He sounds incredulous. “Have you identified the bomber?”
“Lisa’s running him through VICAP,” he says, but shrugs hopelessly. He knows it’s a lost cause.
“Call Homeland Security,” Rossi instructs Penelope. “They should be at all the murder sites. See if they found anything.” She nods and stalks away on her heels, still managing to stay cool under pressure. Spencer would envy her, but he knows it’s only an external front, only a mask she has to wear out of complete and utter necessity.
“Okay, okay, but Morgan,” Spencer says, feeling more impatient and stressed than before, “he’s run after the bomber.”
“He’s run after the bomber?” JJ asks, bewildered. “Why?”
“He was at the bomb site,” he replies. “I’m trying to trace him on the city's CCTV network, but the feeds are grainy at best and completely severed at worst.” This is feeling more and more hopeless by the second, and the light at the end of the tunnel is only dimming.
“Keep trying,” Rossi says, and then he’s turning to the rest of the team.
Spencer takes a few calming breaths and focuses back on the computer in front of him. Find Derek, he thinks. Find Derek and, when this case is over, stop being a coward and tell him how hopelessly in love with him you are. The pool of dread and fear weighing his stomach down only seems to deepen as he searches relentlessly through the CCTV feeds he can access, looking for Derek and the bomber chasing through the streets of the city. Eventually, he finds him and follows his movements down to the subway station. He watches with baited breath as Derek looks around the empty platform, clearly shouting to the unsub, though Spencer can’t hear what he’s saying. He speeds up the feed, seeing as it’s delayed slightly and fast forwards to Derek entering the tunnel, his sense of dread only intensifying as he loses visual.
Trying desperately not to panic, he fast-forwards until he’s watching in real time, but Derek still hasn’t emerged, and neither has the bomber, both still hiding in the secrecy of the depths of the city’s transport network. There’s a vague spark of light — which he later finds out was the bomber electrocuting himself on an exposed part of the railway — only barely visible on the poor quality of the camera feed, before Derek emerges, looking rattled but very much alive.
He doesn’t have much time to celebrate Derek’s livelihood, however, because JJ and Penelope are patching him back through to their conversation.
“Spencer, Homeland Security has poured tactical teams into all the locations on the geo-profile — SWAT, bomb techs, HRT, hazmat, the works — they found nothing,” Penelope says, clearly puzzled and frustrated.
JJ’s about to reply when something catches her eye. “Yeah, all except one,” she says. “Kate’s SUV — none of the shootings were near it.”
“Maybe it’s personal,” Penelope muses. “I mean, this death card they gave us; they delivered on it.”
“No,” Spencer jumps in, realising what JJ’s getting at, “that’s just it — they haven’t. A cell as large as this one and multiple targets to choose from, they target a single SUV?”
“It’s a diversion,” JJ says, “Everything that’s happened so far has appeared to be something it’s not. The seemingly random acts of violence, Emily’s suicide by cop to make us believe it’s all over. Hotch and Kate as an endgame; they want us to think this is over. They’ve deliberately skewed our profile to make us believe they would be at the sites of the shooting.”
“You’re right. That was memorable” Rossi says, finally chiming in as he gestures to a picture of the twin towers on the wall. “This is not. There’s something else.”
⭐️
As soon as Derek manages to calm Hotch down, he summons the rest of the team to St Barclay’s and for the first time since the bomb went off under Kate’s SUV, the team is back together again.
“Are you okay?” Emily asks Hotch as soon as the team walks into the hospital. He’s scratched and bruised all over, visibly shaken, and clearly in a lot of pain but, Hotch being Hotch, he’s stubbornly refusing to accept the necessary medical attention and probably just wants to see the back of this whole ordeal, not unlike the rest of them.
“I’m fine,” he says, clearly not fine at all but shouldering his jacket on anyway. “I just want to understand why I’m still alive. Did you identify Sam, the bomber?”
“Spencer put Sam and the other dead unsub into every known database,” Penelope offers. “Nothing.” At the mention of Spencer, Derek feels his heart clench in his chest. God, Spencer’s intelligence is so attractive to him, even though he knows it’s something his pretty boy can be so unreasonably insecure about it. He can’t wait to see the end of this night and touch him, reassure his aching, restless heart that he’s safe, alive, protected.
Once again, he thinks cynically, nothing like a terrorist attack to leave him on the brink of finally telling Spencer how he feels.
They quickly get back on topic, deducing as a team the terror cell’s real endgame: they’ll use a single chemical bomb planted in the ambulance. If Sam wasn’t calling 911 every few minutes but a number that went dead minutes after he died, then there’s only one reason he stayed with Hotch and Kate. To make sure the ambulance got to them. The ambulance they drove into a hospital, with the paramedic’s help, housing someone important enough to have the Secret Service protecting them.
Derek doesn’t think. He runs.
“Spencer?” he says, into his ear piece as he runs down the stairs, refusing to let fear come to the surface. “I need you to jam the frequencies in this cell block for as long as possible, okay?”
“What’s going on?” Spencer asks, clearly concerned, but Derek can hear him already tapping away at his computer.
“Just,” Derek pauses, takes a second to feel, process, and then suppress his panic, “just… I need you to do this for me, alright, pretty boy.”
“I’m already on it.” Spencer sounds exactly he does: carefully, artificially calm. He runs down the last few flights of stairs and into the parking garage, locating the ambulance before he hears Spencer again. “Morgan?”
“Yeah, baby,” he says, panting half from the exertion of sprinting down far too many flights of stairs and partly from the pressure of the situation settling on his chest — the stakes actually registering for the first time.
“You sound stressed,” Spencer says, deliberate and light. “Where are you?”
“Not where I want to be right now,” Derek replies, a little self-deprecatingly. Really, it’s just deflection; a last ditch attempt at avoidance of the likelihood he dies tonight. “Reid, take this down for me: FDNY 108.”
“That’s an ambulance, are you okay?” His voice is quick and rises ever so slightly in pitch.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just track it for me.” Tentatively, he opens the door to the ambulance, heart sinking and blood pressure rising as soon as he clocks the monumental bomb stowed neatly in the trunk of the seat. “Reid, how long can you keep jamming the cell block?” He knows he’s sounding breathless now and he knows Spencer is probably panicking, unable to know what’s going on but clearly reading enough of the situation to understand that asking would be decidedly unhelpful right now.
“Uh, maximum of a few minutes, Morgan,” Spencer replies. “Why?”
“I’m going to have to get this ambulance out of here.” This is it. The culmination.
“Or you could just evacuate the building like everyone else,” Spencer says urgently, sounding outraged at the idea.
Derek cringes at the disapproval, but he doesn't have a choice. “No, as soon as the airwaves are clear, this thing’s going up.”
“Going up?” Spencer doesn’t bother concealing the outright panic in his voice anymore. “That’s like… in three minutes, that’s when the satellite moves position.”
“Reid, listen to me,” Derek says, climbing into the cab of the ambulance and beginning to fiddle with the wiring. “I need you to find me an area of town I can drive this thing, and you tell everybody, you hear me, everybody that I’m coming.” He finally gets the engine to start and begins to drive out of the garage. “Alright. Talk to me, Reid.” He prays desperately that they get this right, that Spencer helps him, that they manage to subvert this terrorist attack.
“Okay,” Spencer says, back to his measured, calm tone of voice, and Derek sighs in relief at the sound. “Okay, head north… and floor it. I’ll tell you where to turn.” He’s almost out of the garage when the ‘paramedic’ starts shooting at the back of the ambulance, screaming in rage as Derek manages to escape both van and bomb unscathed. “What was that?”
“It was nothing,” Derek shouts, heart pounding in his ears as he turns the sirens and lights on, stepping on the gas as he heads north, “it was nothing. Just… talk to me. How am I doing, Reid?”
Derek hears Spencer ask Lisa for an update before exhaling hard. “1 minute, 50 seconds,” he replies, despair spilling into his voice. “Why does it always have to be you? Why do you always have to do this?” His stomach clenches at the sound of Spencer on the edge of tears and feels himself tearing up in response, swallowing his grief in lieu of actually replying. “Derek, you don’t have much time. Please be smart about this. Signal’s coming back on line, there’s thirty seconds until full coverage.”
Derek’s never driven so fast, his hands pinching at the steering wheel and every muscle tensed. He tries very hard not to think about the fact that there’s a bomb only a metre behind him, set to explode in less than half a minute.
“Derek, drive to the opening and then get the hell out,” Spencer says, no constraint to his emotion at this point, he’s almost shouting down the phone, very clearly crying, now.
He swallows. He has no choice; he has to tell him. “Spencer,” he says, nearly choked off by a sob, “there’s something I really want you to know.”
“Save it,” Spencer shouts. “Just get out!”
“No, you know what Reid? If I don’t make it out of this alive, I need you to know that I love you, alright?” he says, finally confessing to the secret he’s been holding close to his chest for so long, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he’s throwing himself out of the ambulance and running as fast as he can away from it, still not outrunning the blast picking him up and tossing him across the field.
Slowly, getting back to his feet, he turns to face the fire as he catches his breath. He has no idea how he’s still alive.
Fiddling with his earpiece, he tunes back into Spencer’s line to hear him crying on the other end. “Oh, God, Derek, I love you, too,” he sobs as soon as he hears Derek click back into the call.
“Spencer, I’ll tell you what you are to me,” he says, relief and warmth and love blooming across his chest, driving out the crippling fear and panic previously rooted there, “you’re my God-given solace. Baby, you promise me one thing… whatever happens, don’t you ever stop talking to me.”
Spencer laughs wetly, and it’s the most beautiful sound Derek’s heard so far. “I’m so mad at you, right now,” he says, but his happiness is written across every word, “I’m so angry. But… I love you, too.”
Derek laughs, too, the relief of being both alive and loved by Spencer almost euphoric as he walks away from the still blazing ambulance. He guesses he has a terror cell’s failed attack to thank for his long overdue admittance of his love for Dr Spencer Reid, and the frankly wonderful news that it’s actually reciprocated.
⭐️
Derek and Hotch arrive back at Quantico 12 hours after everyone else, having driven home instead of taking the jet with the others due to Hotch’s rather inconvenient ear trauma. That only gives Spencer more time to panic over seeing him for the first time since their deathbed love confessions; they’d spoken briefly on the phone the morning before Derek and Hotch set off, promising to talk about it in person as soon as he was home, and now he nearly was.
Penelope had made a beeline for Spencer as soon as the others had arrived and taken him out for coffee, despite their mutual exhaustion. She’d deduced the situation based on Spencer’s incredibly cryptic HELP. IT HAPPENED. text message almost immediately after the explosion, having been the only one Spencer had confided in about his feelings for Derek. No matter how much she promised him Derek felt the same, he refused to do anything about it, leaving her to watch her two favourite people pine miserably for one another, and actively choosing to remain in said misery instead of confessing and being happy.
He now actually felt bad for her.
“Just tell him what you want,” Penelope says over the top of her latte, croissant crumbs littering the table in between them. “You want to get married and have lots of babies with him.”
“Okay, first of all,” Spencer says, fixing her with a look, “you know that neither of those things are true. And, secondly, it’s not that simple. What if he isn’t looking for a relationship or anything? Why hasn’t he said something before now?”
To her credit, Penelope avoids slamming her head into the table in frustration despite how much he looks like she wants to. “Spencer,” Penelope says, levelling a look right back at him, “Derek thought he was about to die. And in that moment, all he felt like he needed was to be sure that you knew he loves you. How could you possibly be that in love with someone and not crave a relationship with them?”
Spencer finds it hard to argue against that.
Derek reclines on Spencer’s sofa, comfortably surveying the organised chaos of his living room, while Spencer tries to gather the snacks and drinks as calmly as possible in the kitchen, finding it much harder to assume the seemingly unaffected air Derek pulls off so easily. He walks back to where he’s sitting, and he almost drops his only slightly wobbly tray at the blinding smile Derek sends his way.
“Oh, pretty boy, you’re spoiling me,” he teases, sitting upright and leaning forward to survey the snacks Spencer had rushed out and bought earlier that afternoon. Naturally, he blushes immediately at the compliment and sits next to him on the sofa, grabbing a drink for something to do with his hands.
“Well, if all it takes is some cheese puffs from Walmart to make you happy then I think this is going to be alright,” Spencer says, trying for cool, calm, and collected and hitting somewhere near nervous and frenzied instead.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Derek scoffs as he breaks off a piece of chocolate and takes a bite. “I’m here for you, not the refreshments, luxurious as they might be. I don’t remember confessing my love to snack food in the moment I thought I was going to die.” He ruffles Spencer’s hair as his face heats up even more, smiling bashfully over at him.
“No,” Spencer agrees, feeling all warm inside, “you told me.”
Derek looks serious all of a sudden. “I did,” he nods, leaning forward to put the chocolate down on the tray so he can focus all his attention on Spencer, taking his hands in his own, “and I meant it. I’ve probably been in love with you since you joined the team, Spencer, but I realised it properly last year, and I was always too scared to say anything. I’m sorry it had to be in that moment, and I’m even more sorry that if I’d died you would have had to live with that for the rest of your life.” He pauses and looks down at his lap for a moment. “That was unforgivable.”
Spencer smiles at him, gripping Derek’s fingers a little tighter. “I’m not mad about any of that, Derek,” he says, “I’m just glad it finally happened. And so is Penelope, apparently. She’s been telling me you loved me back for years but I never believed her; I didn’t think this would ever happen.”
Derek chuckles fondly at that and brings his hand to Spencer’s cheek, brushing his fingers across the warm skin for just a moment, but Spencer can’t help but lean into his touch, eyelids fluttering half-closed as they meet in such an intimate manner. “So, pretty boy,” he says, smile warm and eyes bright, “shall we give this a go?”
Spencer looks back up at Derek and takes a second to let the moment he’d daydreamed about for so long sink in, let himself marinate in the love that Derek has for him. “Yes,” he replies. “Please.” And then Derek’s lips are on his own, his hands around his face, and the future’s never looked so bright.
taglist: @strippersenseii @criminalmindsvibez @drinkingcroissants
Just a note: a lot of the dialogue was stolen directly from the episode and Derek & Spencer's conversation on the phone is almost an exact transcript; it's from my notes though so it may not be perfect. It also follows the case very closely and none of that is mine.
#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds writing#moreid#moreid fic#derek morgan#spencer reid#derek morgan/spencer reid#moreid angst#moreid fluff#moreid au#criminal minds au#moreid writing#derek morgan x spencer reid#my writing
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fic writer review
tagged by @bisexuallsokka thank you 🧡 🧡 putting my tagging here so @maderilien @dickpuncher420 @marriedzukka @zukoscalzones @babydotcom if any of you are interested!!
1. how many works do you have on ao3? 27! only eight of those were written within the past two years tho lol
2. what's your total ao3 word count? 163,360.....which felt fake bc of the long break between writing so i counted only the recent fics and that's. still 91,749 holy shit lmao
3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? if i'm remembering correctly, then six! (atla, harry potter, that singular fruits basket fic when i was 14, kpop (shh), marvel, mdzs, and atla again lol)
4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? useless facts (clintbucky - and tbh only bc it's a 5yo fic lol)
hold me like you do, cover me in blue (zukka)
hands, knees, please, tangerine (zukka)
get a glimpse of this candy paint (clintbucky - also a 5yo fic lol)
don't go wasting your emotion (sangcheng)
5. do you respond to comments, why or why not? i actually didn't use to, but i do now. i feel like the 'leave a comment' game has changed significantly on ao3 and i like showing my appreciation back now! (oh man i have so many comments i still need to respond to omg)
6. what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? lmfao none. i'm not a huge fan of writing angst-based stories or endings, BUT i guess technically it's the mallrat in me can be considered for this one since chpt 4 did end with some angst (for now!)
7. do you write crossovers? if so, what's the craziest one you've written? i don't write fandom crossovers but i do like writing ridiculous au's, and i would say that the funniest jobs i've given any character was the clintbucky exterminator/locksmith story that never got finished lol (rip)
8. have you ever received hate on a fic? holy shit poor little 13yo kath used to get OBLITERATED for my characterizations lmfaoooo please know that my attempts at writing good characterizations now come from blood, sweat, and (literal) tears
(still salty i never received hate from the sangcheng troll last year tho. they loved to attack me on twitter but NOT my fics??? i feel slighted smh)
(more below! felt it got long!!)
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? l m f a o
anyway keep me humming, keep me going is now the second fic that has a title from beyonce's song 'blow' bc those lyrics have a chokehold on me when i write nsfw!
10. have you ever had a fic stolen? no but i've had specific passages from some really old stuff that was stolen and very obviously rewritten/paraphrased, which is. harder to prove lol
11. have you ever had a fic translated? nothing recent but a few of my old hp fics on ff.net were translated!
but omg the best time it ever happened was a year ago when i found out that not only had a 15yo fic of mine been translated (and credited!), it had also been converted into a beautiful pdf!!! complete with cover art and border art!!!! wasn't even aware it was done bc whoever did it had only done it within the last few years i think, but it was such a wild experience to find it i have the pdf saved on my laptop lol
12. have you ever co-written a fic before? i have not! i don't think i've ever had a dedicated beta either, which probably explains a lot lol
13. what's your all-time fave ship? ALTAIR/MALIK they're not even my first otp (which draco/ron and zukka still go strong, followed by clintbucky) but THEY are the ones that seize my heart like no other ship has done 🧡🧡
14. what's a fic you want to finish but don't think you ever will? the zukka ba sing se/blue spirit poetry fic 😔 which is unfortunate bc i'm still so excited to write it/there's a lot written of it, but chaptered fics are nerve-wracking lol
15. what are your writing strengths? idk if ppl necessarily like it, but i really like my writing style! sure it's obvious i write for fanfic vs anything publishable, but i enjoy that lol
also ppl tell me i'm really good at banter, characterizations, and immersing them in the story, which is wonderful bc i do work really hard on that!
16. what are your writing weaknesses? finding the right words. in general, it's so extremely hard for me in that i don't have much of a mental dictionary/thesaurus i guess. it can be upsetting at times, especially when i know there's a better word or way to phrase the line but just have to let it go. i am simply not one of those people who can come up with big words (or words that are like. normal ones to use when describing smth lol)
17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on a fic? it can be a good touch to the fic! i don't have very strong feelings on it, i suppose
18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? atla, tho harry potter is the one that actually survived the period of fic deletion i once went through on ff.net lol
19. what is your favorite fic ever written? everyone is going to know the answer to this one, but hmlyd hands down my actual baby <333 after a 4yr long break from writing, i knocked out 3 fics but it was hmlyd that really got me excited! writing it was a BLAST, my entire heart went into it, and it's one of my fics that i actually do genuinely go back and read frequently bc it makes me so happy lmao
tbh if i hadn't written hmlyd, i probably would've stopped writing for the fandom after hands, knees, please, tangerine and gone back to lurking lmao
(keep me humming, keep me going is a good contender tho. which goes to show that the fastest way to my heart is just inundating myself with tender competitive lovers lmao)
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A simple misunderstanding (Harry potter)
In many ways what happened on may 19th, the one year anniversary of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter having started dating could of been avoided.
Had either of them ever admitted they're full fetishes is just one example. If Harry hadn't of just gotten too curious to see what was the big surprise and snuck into Draco's room while the latter was out to snoop was anther example. (the boys had a bedroom they shared but each had their own study/room for just themselves that the other technically wasn't suppose to enter..But Harry had never really been one for staying out of trouble.)
Of course If Draco hadn't mentioned a big surprise and then went tip lipped about it then harry might not of been prone to trying to snoop, but sadly Draco just loved how childish harry could act when he wasn't in the know.
In any case, what follows was above all else.. a simple misunderstanding that somehow escalated.
Harry knew he had to be fast, Draco had only gone out for a pint with some of his old friends from slytherin and wouldn't be gone for too long since he wasn't much of a drinker.
He wasn't worried about triggering any of the detection spells or minor traps Draco had put up in his private room due to having to dispel much worse and much stronger at his own job.
In comparison to his own study, Draco's was tidy and clean though Harry suspected a house elf was behind it while his own was tidy and had papers and books stacked everywhere.
The house elf wasn't around though so Harry didn't worry about that and figured his best bet for finding Draco's surprise was a chest that had almost perfectly been covered up with a active invisible cloak. But as muggles say: Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
One small spot on the left front bottom corner was showing and so Harry tugged the cloak off and after studying the locks for all of 12 seconds, used a simple spell and the tap of his wand to unlock the chest.
He had mulled over what the present could be, Knowing Draco wasn't found of muggle electronic gaming devices and the chest wasn't big enough for new broomsticks. what was in the chest brought a blush then a smile to Harry's face.
"How the bloody hell did he find out I'm a daddy dom?!" Harry asked softly, looking in the chest that was stuffed with baby powder, wipes, bottles, dummy's, stuffies and lots and lots of DIAPERS!
Harry had gotten into to teasing and babying other boys after his first time coming to the Wesley household where all the boys were still in nappies when home. It was Mrs.Wesley's way of helping them relax and the twins took took it with delight while Percy had declined that year, and Ron had tried to beg off in front of Harry.
Harry himself was offered nappies but expressed more of a interest in helping with the babying and well from then on he was hooked. He had never even hinted at those feelings with Draco, having figured there was no way his blond prince would ever wanna be a helpless little guy.
'He must of gone to Ron for help with a gift idea! Heh.. Can't say I mind....For the most part.' Harry mused mentally, noting that the nappies were all plastic disposable ones while he was more of a fan of terrycloth and rubber pants. 'Still, I'd have to be a awful git to refuse to put him in them since he's gone to all this trouble'
Closing the lid and resetting the locks for now, Harry adjusted the cloak back to where it had been exactly and made his leave of the room.
'I wonder if he's a full on big baby, a diaper boy or just trying this out for me? that was a awful lot of nappies for just a trial phase.' Harry mused, never once thinking there could of been anther explanation.
Draco chuckled as he made his way back from the market. After all this time and Potter could still be fooled with such a dumb lie. Draco would of never gone down to a pub for a pint, if he was going to drink it would be something more to his standards and taste. Still, it was a good go to lie and Harry fell for it every time and if it wasn't broke, don't fix it.
under his one arm was a larger then normal self assembling high chair that would have restraints built in and be big enough for Harry or himself for that matter,
He had of course known all about the Wesley's being nappy boys, and a normally vengeful Ginny had been delighted to till Draco all about how much Harry loved being a big baby.
'Heh, she likely thought it would scare me off.. still pining for him.' Draco thought.
No, if anything, finding out Harry like to be teased and humiliated in nappies just made Draco love him even more, he had after all inflicted more then a few cases of nappy humiliation on students at Hogwarts. (ironically Raven Claw made the best blushing and submissive big babies, hufflepuff's just made it clear they'd report you since they didn't have anything to lose, being in the worst of the four houses.)
Still having a boyfriend with a great job, a awesome house and was a rocket in the sack that he could also tease and dominate in nappies? Uh, yes please!
the thought that Ginny might of been lying to him never crossed Draco's mind and he made use of a magic breath mint to give him breath a touch of ale on it as he came home.
"Hey luv, I'm back." He called, not seeing Harry in their shared living room or the kitchen, taking the chance to stash the box in the closet.
"Already? Harry called, then appeared as he came into view from the hallway that lead to the studies. "What happened, Crab started chugging beers again? I know how uncomfortable that makes you." Harry added, coming over and wrapping his arms around Draco.
"Someone's in a good mood." Draco chuckle, then returned the hug and added a smooch on Harry's lips, making the more strait edge wizard pull back a little.
"Brush your teeth then get a nap in luv, I have a feeling it's gonna be a long night~"Harry coo'ed.
'Heh, you don't know the half of it~' Draco thought but then out loud gave a little pout. "Awww, a nap? alone? sure you don't wanna join me?"
"..That can be arranged, but first, your teeth. I think I'm getting a buzz off your breath." Harry said and pulled away, and then slapped Draco's butt.
The slimmer blond blushed, but didn't say anything and headed for the washroom.
After a little something to tired them both out the pair of wizards conked out in each others arms, a alarm set for 5 pm sharp which meant they would have in theory a 3 hour nap.
Of course in practice it was actually Harry who would wake up first with use of a little charm he had cast on himself to wake him up 20 minutes sooner and as he slide out of bed he both shut off the alarm and used a sleeping sleep to keep Draco dead to the world.Leaving Draco sprawled out in the bed Harry went and gathered up their clothes they had left on the floor before the love making and found to his amusement a recite from a bondage shop in town for a high chair.
"Oh my, you don't do anything half ass do you my love?" Harry chuckled, though the only response he got was a soft snore from the snoozing blond.
Moving from the bedroom after donning his clothes Harry's first move was to check in the closet by the door, the only place that Draco could of hidden the high chair and grinned ear to ear as he found it and removed the pieces from the box.
Apparently whoever gave the command for the high chair to set up would retain the control over it, control only shifting if it was ordered to dismantle again.
"Simple enough. Set up time." Harry said and watched with mild amusement as the white wooden pieces quickly fitted themselves together. "Blimey, I'll have to see if they got a crib.. this kind of magic would save A LOT of time."
Setting the chair up by the dinning room table, Harry made his way back towards Draco's study and once again let himself in with ease as he went over to the chest.
Peering inside and tapping his chin he had a bit of unexpected trouble..Draco had chosen so many cute outfit's Harry was having a hard time picking what to put him in.
"Well I suppose a pair of those locking booties and mittens, a nappy and bib will work for now. we are gonna eat right away and little guys are SO messy when they munch." Harry said, fishing the items out and chuckling softly then noticing a pacifier gag. "Oh Draco, you ARE a kinky one~"
Coming back into the room and setting down a pair of green mitten and booties with dark gold frilly trim on the ankles and wrist and a bib with the same color scheme plus a cartoon snake on the front forming a S, harry still had the thick white nappy with a nursery print and the paci gag in his hands when he looked at Draco and almost squealed.
the little blond cutie pie was nursing away on his thumb and had a line of drool going down his chin! the only thing keeping him from replacing the thumb at that very moment with Draco's paci is once he did that he would of wanted to get him fully dressed, and Harry still had to get the baby food in the chest out and get a ba-ba of formula ready.
"Truly, Heavy is the burden I bare."
Draco was dreaming about spanking Harry with him over his lap, till the boy who survived was bawling like a baby and had tinkled all over Draco's lap.
Draco was in the middle of scolding Harry in his dream then suddenly his mouth stopped working right, his words muffled! Looking down Draco saw that a dummy had been popped in his mouth and it was Harry now who had him on a giant changing table and was dressing him!
the more dream Draco tried to fight this attack off the bigger dream harry got till he towered over Draco as if he was just a real 2 year old and one solid swat to his rump stopped his fighting in a instant.
'No! this is just a dream! wake up!' Draco willed to himself, and poof!
His eyes were opened, and he went to relax..only to find his mouth was still gagged.
"Mmmmph!?" Draco tried to asked what, but the fat nipple of the dummy filled his mouth even as he looked at Harry in shock.
"Welcome back to the land of the living little guy!" Harry chuckled and leaned down kissing Draco's forehead. "I was getting worried my sleeping charm was too strong."
Draco felt himself being picked up and stood up on his feet and knew even before he was stood in front of a mirror what he would see, his face going crimson as he heard the crinkle, felt the bulk between his legs and could feel his hands and feet encased in the soft cotton of the mitten's and booties.
"Aww is somebody all shy? It's ok Draco, Daddy is SO happy you decided to be his widdle guy for our special night!" Harry was saying and then kissed his cheek.
Draco opened his eyes, turning his head to glare at harry but then caught his reflection and stared in shock. He want's JUST in a nappy, from the looks of it Harry had gone and put in at LEAST 3 of them! he hadn't felt the bib before and naturally couldn't of known which of the booties and mittens Harry had picked out but now he could tell and assumed it was because of the green dummy in his mouth, with the dark gold straps that went around his head to hold them in.
He turn his head fully to Harry know and tried to tell him off, but all it did was make him mumble and drool flow down his chin.
"Hmm, what's wrong buddy?" Harry asked, raising a eyebrow then smiled. "Ohhh I see."
'Thank god, the stupid git figured it out! I'm the da-' Draco was thinking but Harry interrupted his thoughts.
"Your mad because you wanted to surprise me. I get it. Daddy WAS a bit of a bad boy huh?" Harry chuckled.
'...Fuck my life.' Draco mentally groaned as harry droned on.
"Welll I just couldn't help myself from looking around , and I just couldn't believe you found out how much of a daddy dom I am, and you were willing to play along. I never pegged you as a little so wasn't gonna bring it up."
'...Mistakes have been made.' Draco thought and suckled fast.
Clearly Ginny HAD been telling half truths,and with Harry being the snoop he is Draco was paying for it BIG time.
"I know I got carried away with the nappies too, but I just love a thickly diapered baby boy..Plus when I found those poopie pills in the chest as well.. your gonna be making me a BIG present soon and I didn't wanna leak a leak."
"MMMPFFFH!?" Draco cried out into his gag, eyes going wide as they could.
there HAD been a dull pain in his backside but Harry had been highly spirited during their love making and just figured that had been it. He could even feel them starting to work now, a cramping starting up and Draco whimpered and shook his head no over and over.
"ah ah ah, you were gonna be my little stinker anyways, I'm just making it happen sooner. what can I say, I love feeding a smelly boi~" Harry chuckled and kissed Draco's cheek then scooped him up, carrying him with Draco's front to Harry front as the unwilling big baby tried to think of a escape.
Sadly, without his wand he was pretty much SOL.
Harry was loving how much Draco was playing the unwilling baby when they both knew the truth. Like, why else would of Draco had all of this ready to go?
truth be told Ron had been his favorite big baby out of the Wesley boys because of how embarrassed and unwilling he was to have Harry babying him and if anything this cemented that Ron had clued Draco in.
'I'll have to send him a thank you basket.' Harry mentally chuckled.
Patting Draco's bottom he knew any second now his amazing boyfriend would be loading his nappies to the brim.The packaging on the pills had claimed one was enough, but harry wasn't going to chance it and had used three of the large pills, musing how easily they had slid into his love's backside.
Coming into the dinning room/kitchen, Draco took one look at the high chair and then looked back to harry and shook his head no over and over again, which was just frankly ADORABLE!
"Now now, your the one who brought it, I'm just helping out." Harry said, getting ready to set Draco in the high chair when Draco's struggles managed to get the blond big baby free of Harry's arms.
of course this just meant that Draco fell on his rump on the floor, though with all the padding he had on Harry wasn't too concerned.
"Well what are you gonna do now? you can't get that outfit off yourself, and your free to run out into the yard dressed like that." Harry said, stepping back and crossing his arms. "I'm sure we'll be the talk of the street."
Draco whined and glared up, then turned pail, a ominous rumbling coming from his tummy.
"Oh Present time already?" Harry asked.
The cramps had been getting worse and worse, but what Draco knew that harry didn't was the highchair had a unadvertised extra feature in it. Anyone who was restrained in it was looking at a HOUR minimum stuck in it!
It had been Draco's own little added feature and he was about to get to enjoy the fruits of it, unless he could SOMEHOW get out of this, or failing at that..convince Harry to change him before being strapped in.
He knew there was no way in hell he could get to his feet and waddle to his study, when he MIGHT be able to write out a message to Harry...But maybe if he swallowed just a smidge more pride he could maybe avoid much much worse.
Getting on all fours he had the idea to crawl to his study but the act involved basically presenting his puffy nappy clad rear to Harry who was chuckling in amusement.
Operation: crawl for freedom also died right then and there as the movement had pushed his cramps to the limit, Making him push his forehead to the push and jut out his butt as all hell broke loose.
As the contents of his bowels (and a few bones and/or internal organs from what it felt like to him) pushed out into the seat of his diapers Draco suddenly realized why all those Raven claw students had broken down crying.Filling a nappy to the brine didn't exactly feel all that nice if you weren't into it.
'Karma is a fucking bitch!'
On a scale of 1 to 10, Draco was a total 100 at playing the big stinky nappy bitch game, and despite the horrid smell that filled the house Harry had little hearts in his eyes.
the nappies had to of been enchanted, there was simply no way they would of held up THIS well as the back of the diapers ballooned out like you'd see in a cartoon.
'I'll have to get the brand name from him I can totally see this happening more and more often.' Harry cheerfully thought, then chuckled. 'Good thing I didn't put him in a onesie though.. the buttons would of flown off and might of taken out a eye!'
when he judged the mess to be over after about 15 minutes (mostly from Draco just laying there panting, eyes glazed and and beads of sweat dripping off of him, Harry helped the stinker up.
He was going to wait to remove the dummy gag until he got the big baby in the chair, but with such a cute display he just couldn't wait.
Draco wasn't even aware as the gag came out, though there was a soft steady mutter of 'da da da da da' escaping from his mouth. wiping his chin with bib, Harry then mouth in and gave Draco a hot kiss, shocking Draco out of his stupor but not fast enough as Harry pushed Draco back into the chair and cried out resistant as he did so.
instantly the tray came up and over Draco's head, sliding in and locking in place and pinning Draco's arms under the tray instead over in the arm restraints though his feet were locked in.
The feeling of landing on his muck butt had stopped whatever Draco was about to say, at least till he was secured in place.
"I'm sorry, you were going to say something?" Harry chuckled, about to turn and get Draco a bowl of baby food.
"POTTER YOU BLOODY GIT!! THIS WAS ALL FOR -YOU- TO WEAR!! I'M A TOP!" Draco bellowed.
Harry froze in his tracks and locked eyes with Draco, it was pretty clear this wasn't big baby regrets.
"Ummm..Oops?" Harry said sheepishly. "I'll um.. just get you free an-"
"I'M STUCK IN HERE FOR A BLOODY HOUR YOU WANKER!" Draco growled and then as he went on ranting, Harry couldn't help but think of two things.
1. He had screwed up BIG time and maybe should stop snooping around and
2. since he was already in the dog house, maybe popping the dummy gag back in till he could release Draco might be a good idea.
The end.
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001: descendants, 002: Bumarry, 003: Ben for the ask game please ❤️
Hi luv!
About this ask:
And of course!
001: Descendants
Favorite character: Uma
Least Favorite character: Mal
5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):
Harry Hook x Uma
Ben x Uma
Harriet Hook x Ginny Gothel
Jay x Lonnie
Jay x Uma
5 Favorite polyships (canon or non-canon):
Ben x Harry Hook x Uma (Ben x Gil x Harry Hook x Uma)
Audrey x Harry Hook x Gil x Uma (Audrey x Ben x Harry Hook x Gil x Uma)
Carlos de Vil x Jay x Lonnie
Chad x Jay x Gil x Harry Hook
Gil x Harry Hook x Jay x Uma
Character I find most attractive: Harry Hook
Character I would marry: Ben, Harry, Lonnie & Uma
Character I would be best friends with: Ben, Carlos, Jane & Jay
A random thought: Because it’s Disney, Descendants doesn’t touch on prostitution, human trafficking, and violent sexuality and at a very early age that the VK had to live, as happens in the real world in invasions, guerrillas (child soldiers), street children or centers penitentiaries not properly regulated (such as the Isle of the Lost, a prison without guards and any law). But I don’t touch on the subject because it’s something very real and strong to expose it like that with the fandom but due to my profession and work, it’s something that my brain always remembers. Also, I don't like it when people treat these topics just for shock value.
An unpopular opinion: It's visibly awkward that ships and popular characters are mostly white. And I mean in the content of the fandom. Although we talk about the racism that exists in the canon, very few people seek to balance the numbers with new contributions (whether with content with canon characters, OCs, or y/n). I don't know if it makes sense. But it seems that it is easy to talk about racism but not do something actively to include BIPOC characters (This is why I get excited when I find people drawing Audrey, Jay, Evie, Uma, and others without lightening their skin tone or writing fics with BIPOC y/n or creating things with the BIPOC canon characters as their main characters)
My canon OTP: Harry Hook x Uma
Non-canon OTP: Jay x Lonnie
Most badass character: Uma
Pairing I am not a fan of: Any ship with Mal. Especially Mal canon. And I HATE Mal x Uma, Audrey x Mal and Ben x Mal. Because of the toxic and abusive environment.
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):
Chad Charming. From the start, Chad, Cinderella's son was turned into... a terrible character. Well, in the beginning, he is intelligent and manipulative, who knows how to use his charm against others. Brilliant. Cool. I can work with that. He may have an arc about learning about his wrongdoing and using his privileges to help others who don't. But no, the character just went downhill and became everyone's joke.
Also, Ben, obviously. The movies wouldn't exist without him and he became an accessory to Mal. Disney can only write hero and damsel in distress, it seems. Because they do that to Ben. A tool to move the plot. My poor golden boy.
Favourite friendship: Jay and Lonnie. Give me two best friends who constantly joke around, kick each other's butt, compete in even the most ridiculous things, are affectionate with each other and even if they don't plan on it, they spend time together (I'm seeing you Jay and "I'm not going to invite no one to the ball but I'm going to dance with Lonnie all night ")
Character I want to adopt or be adopted by: I'm going to adopt Celia and no one will be able to stop me!
002: Bumarry,
When of if I started shipping it: Technically I answered this here. Also, from looking for Huma and Buma fics, I ended up finding my first Bumarry and... Oh, I got hooked on the idea.
My thoughts: They are my OTPoly (One True Polyship). I love them. Because they allow me to mix the variables and create new scenarios. After all the damage Ben has gone through, I inevitably want to give him the best and the best is Huma. What else can I say? It’s absolute logic.
What makes me happy about them: The devotion, affection, and strength they would have. Ben and Uma are very different leaders who complement each other very well and I could only trust Harry to take care of the two of them and give them the freedom they deserve. Ben is incredibly loving and that's something both Harry and Uma deserve to feel, Uma is incredibly protective and Ben needs that backing to rule and Harry needs that to stay alive every 5 seconds. Harry's loyalty is unprecedented, he would see to not only that everything is up to Ben and Uma's standards, but he would personally see that their dreams come true.
What makes me sad about them:
Harry Hook/Uma:
Ben/Harry Hook:
Ben/Uma:
Ben/Harry Hook/Uma:
There isn't much of them... And they're mostly fics of mine. I want more content, you know? I want to read fics, drabbles, see fanarts... Buh.
Things done in fanfic that annoys me: It’s not in Bumarry itself. Actually, it's in Ben/Harry Hook, they usually play dirty with Uma. And it annoys me. They make her mean, jealous, cruel, or things like that to Ben and Harry. And this I came across once: They make Harry gay and that his relationship/dynamic with Uma is pure appearance. I had no problem with Harry being gay, but the justification for his sexual tension with Uma was all... Fake? No, it didn't fit in well with me. I think that's why when you ask me to write Ben/Harry Hook, Uma is there to give support. Don't play dirty with my queen.
Things I look for in fanfic: Uma dom! Uma top! Those are my favorite tags.
My kinks: With this polyship? Okay... BDSM all the way.
Ben: Caring dom, cuckolding, cupping, degradee (especially with actions), experimentalists, little one, masochist, pet, hunter (primal), praise kink, prey (primal), rope bunny, submissive, suspension, switch, tentacle fetich, voyeur, wax play
Harry Hook: Alpha sub, brat, breath play, biting fetich, choking, cupping, dom, degrader, exhibitionist, knife play (hook play?), owner, pet, praise kink, prey (primal), rigger, sadistic, slave, submissive, switch, tentacle fetich
Uma: Brat tamer, biting fetich, Dom, electrostimulation (electro-wand, feel like a little sting), exhibitionist, Immobilization, masochist, mistress, owner, hunter (primal), orgasm control, sensation play, scratching,
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Ben/Uma, Ben/Harry Hook, Harry Hook/Uma, with Gil, Evie or Jay.
My happily ever after for them:
Ben and Uma reigning Auradon and the Isle of the Lost together, Harry Hook taking care of them so they don't get exhausted and are protected from any attack.
Ben on the run with Harry and Uma to live a pirate life and reclaiming Auradon in a rebellion.
003 Ben
How I feel about this character: I love him! He has good intentions. Ben knows that he is in a position of power and struggles to take advantage of his privileges to change things. He is rebellious, the second he is going to take the throne he begins to dismantle the system. Ben has a good heart and wants to help other people. Besides, I love that he has his survival instinct broken.
All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uma, Harry Hook, Evie, Gil, Jay, Audrey and Chad
My non-romantic OTP for this character: Jane, Lonnie, Chad, Audrey, Evie, Uma, Harry Hook, Evie, Gil, Jay hahaha
My unpopular opinion about this character: Because he's a guy, the fandom downplays the horrible things he's been through.
One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: He has maintained his friendship with Audrey and Chad. It breaks my heart to know that he is completely alone in that department since D1 and is perpetuated throughout the following films. I also wanted him to end up with Mal.
My het ship: Ben/Uma & Audrey/Ben
My fem/slash ship: Ben/Harry Hook, Ben/Gil, Ben/Chad
My OTP: Ben/Uma
My OT3: Ben/Harry Hook/Uma
My cross over ship: *thinking* Oh... Ben/Leo Valdez (PJO) And! And! Ben/Reggie (JATP)
My kink: Caring dom, cuckolding, cupping, degradee (especially with actions), experimentalists, little one, masochist, pet, hunter (primal), praise kink, prey (primal), rope bunny, submissive, suspension, switch, tentacle fetich, voyeur, wax play
A HC fact: He likes to constantly question himself. About his sexual orientation, about his gender identity, about his ability to love, about his pleasure, above all. He likes to explore. Ben is queer.
My gender bend: Technically I already have it. In Meanwhile. Bee, she loos like her. I LOVE the idea of Bee shieldmaiden.
I love responding this! Thank you!!!!!!!
#ask game#uma descendants#harry hook#ben descendants#ben florian#harry descendants#uma daughter of ursula#descendants#huma descendants#buma descendants#benry descendants#bumarry descendants#audrey descendants#gil descendants#sea three#jay son of jafar#chad descendants#anti mal#anti bal#ben deserves better#huma#buma
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Just Friends-Harry Potter
a/n: this takes place in an au where james and lily survived, remus and sirius are happily married with a kid (yes i love wolfstar okay), Lupin was always the DADA professor, and the biggest issue is falling in love with your best friend. Hufflepuff reader. this was 100% inspired by a tik tok I saw. enjoy.
masterlist | prompt list
warnings: sort of angsty
word count: 2,558
You had been best friends with Harry for as long as you could remember. You two were only less than a month apart, but Harry never failed to remind you he was *technically* older. Your dads, Sirius and Remus, had stayed friends with James and Lily Potter following graduation from Hogwarts and after the war had ended, the two couples raised their kids side by side. You and Harry had learned how to play Quidditch together, got into trouble together, and had so many sleepovers, it’s almost like you were siblings. You both received your Hogwarts letter together, went wand shopping together, and as you began your journey on Platform 9¾, you weren’t so frightened knowing you had your best friend next to you. On the train, you met Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, and you knew in that moment, you and Harry had met two more to join the friendship. You watched as Hermione got sorted in Gryffindor, and you smiled briefly at your Dad as you sat on the stool, ready for the hat to tell you that you’d be following your dad’s legacy into the house of bravery. So when the Sorting Hat announced you as a Hufflepuff, the shock on both Harry’s face along with your Dad’s was evident. The house clad in yellow cheered for you as you took a seat at their table. You watched with disappointment as both Harry and Ron got sorted into Gryffindor. However, your fears of being left behind were forgotten, when the trio joined you for breakfast the following morning. When you asked why Harry would rather sit with you than his new housemates, he simply shrugged and said “I like you better anyways”.
And so it was. You and Harry went through life at Hogwarts together, different houses and all. You were still there to cheer each other on for every Quidditch match, even when you were both playing against each other. You went to Hogsmeade with each other, and spent every Christmas together, even as your celebrations grew larger to include the Longbottom, Weasley, and Granger family. As you went into your fourth year, however, you began to realize that you looks at Harry lingered a little longer, you got butterflies every time he smiled at you, and you always longed to be near him. You thought you had been good at hiding your feelings, but all it took was the Portkey trip to the Quidditch World Cup before Cedric Diggory, captain of your Quidditch team, was on to you. Hermione and Ginny weren’t that far behind him either. But you knew that Harry had a thing for Cho Chang, and even if he didn’t, you had grown up together. All he would ever see you as was just a friend, just a sister. As the Yule Ball neared closer, you were left without a date, secretly holding out hope Harry would ask you. But, alas, he didn’t, and you were stuck going dateless. As the night progressed, you busied yourself dancing with your Hufflepuff friends, ignoring the group of Gryffindors. Eventually though, you pulled yourself away from your friends to grab a drink. As you made your way over to the refreshments, you were met by Harry. You smiled at him, noting how handsome he looked in his dress robes. “You look gorgeous (Y/N).” He said, taking your hand.
You tried to swallow your butterflies as you choked out a “Thanks. You look good too.” He let go of your hand and you tried to be disappointed at the sudden lack of warmth. “Where’s your date?” You asked, looking around the Great Hall for her. He shrugged.
“No clue. Yours?”
You sighed and turned back to the refreshments. “Didn’t get asked. It’s okay though. I’m having a lot of fun with my friends.”
“Well, uhm, in that case, could I possibly.. steal you for a dance?” Your eyes widened as you realized what he was asking. You nodded, not trying to seem too eager. Cedric gave you a thumbs up from across the room, and you rolled your eyes. Harry led you out on to the dance floor, and as you danced, you became surprised at how good he was at dancing. As the dance came to an end, you didn’t want to let go. Just as you were about to open your mouth to thank him for the dance, he blurted out “Ron dared me to ask you to dance.” You pulled away, shock seeping through your system.
“W-what?”
“Ron dared me to ask you to dance. He seems to think... and... we’re just- just friends.” He said, and you had to blink back tears.
“Right. Just friends.” You said thickly. “Uhm, thanks for the dance. I’m going to call it a night, I think.” You said, turning away from the boy, trying so hard to hide how hurt you were. It was only once you were safely back in your Common Room, that you let the tears fall free.
-
The next few months passed by in a blur, with the Tournament and Cedric’s win. You and Harry were still friends following the dance, and you both seemed to silently agree to never speak of what had happened that night. But as time continued, you could feel the strain on your friendship. You had fallen in love with your best friend without even realizing it. So, when you began your 5th year, you spoke to Hermione quietly in an abandoned hallway one night on Prefect rounds. “I don’t think Harry and I can be friends anymore.” You said softly. You had been having this thought all summer, because every time you looked at Harry, your heart clenched in pain, and you knew it was all your fault, because you had been stupid enough to fall in love with your best friend. But really, who could blame you? When you looked at him, it was like nothing else mattered. Hermione looked at you curiously. But this was the first time you had spoken those words out loud, and they hurt.
“He’s your best friend.”
“Yes, and I went and fell in love with him. ‘Mione, every time I look at him, all I see is what can’t be, because all he will ever see me as is a friend, as his sister. And I can’t- I can’t keep hurting like this.” Hermione stayed silent for a few moments, clearly thinking over her response.
“Have you considered telling him?” She asked softly.
“It would ruin everything.” You said flatly.
“If this what you think will be best for you, then I support that. Ron and I will miss having you around though.”
“You know this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends anymore, right?”
“I know, but if you aren’t friends with Harry anymore, then.. we’ll just see a lot less of you, that’s all.” You took her words in, thinking about how you were going to miss all the late night chess games with Ron, the studying sessions with Hermione, the pranks with the twins, the trips to Hogsmeade with Dean and Seamus, and the time spent in the greenhouse with Neville. The rest of your rounds were quiet, as you knew tomorrow would change everything.
-
And slowly, things did change. You distanced yourself from the group of Gryffindors, focusing on your team (you had been chosen to replace Cedric as Captain; a success you had celebrated with Harry) and your Prefect duties, along with your studies. And suddenly, you and Harry didn’t talk anymore. When you went home for Christmas, your Dad’s were surprised at how... little you spoke to each other. Remus had been noticing how you began to spend less and less time with Harry and friends over the term but didn’t know what to do or say. On your last night home, you sat in the living room staring into the fire as Remus read a book and Sirius set up a game of Wizarding Chess. “Dad?” You asked softly. Sirius hummed in response, acknowledging your question. “How did you know when you found the one?”
He looked up at you. “When I looked at your Dad, it was like nothing else mattered. I knew he would see me through everything, good and bad, life or death, and I knew I’d do the same for him. There was a war raging outside our walls, but even for just a few moments, all that mattered that he was okay, and that he was there with me.” You nodded a few more minutes of silence passed. “Why are you asking kiddo?”
“I was stupid and went and fell in love with my best friend.” Well, might as well admit it to them. “And every time I look at him, all I see is what I can’t have, and everyone always tells me to just tell him, because he probably feels the same, but I’m such a coward-”.
“Hey, you aren’t a coward. You are one of the bravest people I know, and I’m not just saying that cause you’re my kid.” Sirius said sharply.
“It takes a lot of courage to be kind, and you’re the kindest person I’ve met.” Remus added softly. “But of course you are, because I raised you.” You laughed a little, a small smile reaching your face.
“I can be kind and brave and a million other things, and it doesn’t change the fact that he still sees me as his sister.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But you’ll never know if you aren’t honest with him.” Sirius said.
“If I’m honest with him, I could lose him forever.”
“You already are.” Remus said. “(Y/N), I used to have all these thoughts about your Dad. About how I would never be good enough for him, how he’d never want me, how we’d be better off not being friends at all. And I almost lost him forever because of it.” You looked up at him. “(Y/N), if we’re speaking about who I think we’re speaking of, he’s a good kid, and even a better friend. He won’t look at you different for being honest with him, especially for a feeling I believe he reciprocates. But you’re gonna lose him forever, if you keep telling yourself it’s best if you stay away.”
-
Your Dad’s words echoed in your head on the train ride back to school. As you sat in the Prefect compartment with Ron and Hermione, all you could think about was those words. As the compartment emptied as people took turns doing rounds, it left you with Ron and Hermione, and your fellow Hufflepuff Prefect, Ernie, who had long known about your crush on Harry. “I think I’m gonna tell him.” The compartment fell quiet all attention directed at you. You shifted uncomfortably under their shocked gazes. “Unless, you don’t think I should.”
“Finally!” Hermione exclaimed.
“Mione!″ You exclaimed and she laughed.
“Well, it took you long enough.” Ron said. You stared at them dumbfounded and turned to look at Ernie.
“Remember to invite me to the wedding when you become Mrs. Potter.” Ernie said, joining in the laughter.
“You sure put a lot of faith in the fact that he’s going to feel the same way.”
“If Harry doesn’t feel the same way, then I will personally make sure you get an A on your next Ancient Runes essay.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that Granger.” You said , as laughter broke out through the compartment. Damn, did you hope they were right.
-
You had wanted to speak to Harry tonight, because if you didn’t soon, you felt as though you may throw up. However, he had disappeared after the meal and you trudged solemnly back to your Common Room after a failed attempt to find him in his Common Room. Suddenly, you were being yanked into an abandoned classroom, and you were pretty sure this was how you’d die. You let out a sigh of relief after realizing it was just Harry. Just Harry. A million thoughts and emotions flooded your body that you thought you would be sick. Harry, however, clearly had something he wanted to discuss. “Why haven’t you been speaking to me?” He asked, clearly upset.
“I- I don’t-”
“Don’t lie to me. You���ve been avoiding me ever since we started school this year. What happened? Is- is it something I did?” The decision to tell him suddenly seemed to fly out the window and you found yourself lying through your teeth.
“I’ve just been busy Harry.” He sighed in frustration.
“You know, if you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, you could’ve at least been honest with me.” You sighed and begin to walk towards the door. “We went from being best friends and now you can’t even look me in the eye. Some friend you are.” He called after you. You felt yourself tear up, and you turned back towards him.
“You’re damn right I can’t look you in the eye anymore. Because when I look at you, all I see is everything I know I can’t have, everything that I know you’ll never feel.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t get it, do you? I love you, more than just as a friend. I’m in love with you and you have no idea how hard it is to be in love with someone you’ll only ever be just friends with.” Harry just looked at you and so you kept talking because if the silence continued, you thought you’d cry harder. “So I distanced myself from you, because I thought it would make things hurt less, but this hurts more, because I miss you and I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you but I was so scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way, which clearly you don’t-”
“Hey, hey, hey, who said I didn’t feel the same way?” Now it was your turn to be stunned into silence. “Remember the Yule Ball? Ron dared me to dance with you because he thought that if I did, I’d admit how I felt. I’ve felt the same way for a long time. I just didn’t want to lose you.”
“I didn’t want to lose you either.” you said softly. He chuckled.
“What a mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, it seems.” You both stood close together, Harry’s hand on your cheek, wiping away the last of your tears with his thumb. His other hand was on your waist. “Can I kiss you?” You nodded, connecting your lips to his. The kiss was better than you ever thought it would feel, as all those butterflies tripled and it seemed as though everything seemed to stop for those few moments. Harry pulled away after a few moments, careful not to push it. “I’d like to do that a lot more, if you’ll let me.” His forehead rested against yours as he rubbed small circles onto your waist.
“I’d love to let you do that some more.” You said softly, gazing into his eyes. “I love you.” Something flickered across Harry’s face that you couldn’t quite place.
“I love you too.” He said, softly, a smile gracing his features. You hugged him tightly, thankful to have your best friend back, but this time, as the person you loved.
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Omg I just thought, and I highly doubt I'm the first to think this, but do you think Rakepick's personality shift was due to the curse Riddle put on the DADA position? 0:
Also you have THE MOST beautiful cat I've ever goddamn seen
As much as I would love it for there to be some kind of tangible explanation provided for such an abrupt shift in her character, I really don’t think that’s how the DADA curse works.
If we look back on all of the examples of the Curse taking effect...well, there’s Quirrell. He became a Death Eater but both Snape and Dumbledore were onto him from the beginning and he literally had Voldemort sticking out of his head, so it was basically a given that his days were numbered. Lockhart had the same problem, to the point where Dumbledore not only knew he was a fraud, but hired him specifically because he knew this would expose him. If it hadn’t been The Basilisk, there would have been some other kind of terror that Lockhart would have been expected to defeat (Hogwarts is just that kind of school) forcing him to flee the way he did. Remus is a teacher who theoretically could have stayed, but it was already playing with fire to bring him on when Snape was around. Sooner or later, Snape would have sabotaged him somehow even without the existing circumstances, would have revealed his secret, because that’s just the kind of person Snape is. Barty Crouch Jr was never planning to stay longer than a year, his purpose at Hogwarts was to get Harry to Voldemort at the end of the Triwizard Tournament. Umbridge? Yeah, she was never gonna last. Everyone hated her, she didn’t fit at Hogwarts, and her timeline there was tied to Fudge’s timeline in the Ministry - both were going to end when everyone learned Voldemort was back. Next came Snape, and it was actually a combination of factors that led to him losing the job. Naturally, his killing Dumbledore changed the game, as both he and Dumbledore knew would have to happen. But he could have easily stayed as DADA teacher...except he became Headmaster. Whether Snape himself asked for this, or it was Voldemort’s idea, who knows. Finally, the Carrows were only ever going to last until Voldemort was defeated, which happened to be a year.
Examining these cases makes it very clear that the Curse doesn’t create abrupt circumstances that force a teacher out. Rather, it reminds me of a theory about how backwards time travel would compensate for the potential of paradoxes. Say you went back in time and tried to shoot your own grandfather, preventing your existence. One theory suggests that it would be physically impossible without appearing to be. Suggests that you would simply be unable to do this. Either the gun would jam, somebody would see you and stop you, your grandfather would survive the bullet wound, or he would die - but surprise! It wasn’t your biological grandfather. Just the worst stream of bad luck that a potential grandpa-killer could have. In other words, the timeline will naturally correct itself no matter how hard you try, but always in ways that are organic, that would have always happened. I believe that’s how this Curse works. Hence how people have figured out that the job must be jinxed, but it’s treated as an urban legend or popular theory, not something that anyone knows for a fact. Technically, even Dumbledore doesn’t know for sure that it’s true. Because if every case was like Rakepick, people would start to gather evidence beyond just stuff that could be a string of shocking coincidences. Rakepick having to leave the post does make sense, based on what happened. It’s just that what actually happened is very confusing and still doesn’t make any sense.
SIDE NOTE: My kitters appreciate your kind words! They’re being camera-shy right now, but they always like it when a human shows appropriate adoration of the superior feline race.
#HPHM Theory#Patricia Rakepick#Harry Potter#Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery#Lord Voldemort#Albus Dumbledore
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Pairing: KakashiSakuraGenma Word count: 3156 Soulmate au: The one where the first time your soulmate touches your skin it leaves a permanent mark
Follow the link or read it under the cut!
KO-FI and commission info in the header!
Chapter 222
He met Kakashi first. Well, that was kind of obvious. Genma met the last of the once proud Hatake line when they were both in the academy, not technically age mates although they attended all of the same classes. Back then Kakashi hadn’t covered so much of his body at all times but he’d still carried with him the sort of air that made others stay away, the air of one who stood above the rest even if he was good enough not to rub that in any of their faces. Genma watched Kakashi from afar because he was talented and interesting but never made much of an effort to actually get to know him. They ran in different groups of friends and there only ever seemed to be two or three people Kakashi deigned to give his attention to. No point in trying to make friends with someone who didn’t want any.
It wasn’t until they were both nearing the end of their teenage years and Kakashi had been broken in so many ways it hurt just to look at him that Genma realized they had never touched before. He realized only because, well, because they touched. For the very first time. And when he pulled his hand away from where he’d clapped it down on to Kakashi’s shoulder with a great deal of frustrated exasperation the imprint of his hand stayed behind. Some of it, at least.
“Just leave it be, Genma,” Kakashi was saying. “I’m paying my respects. The dead don’t care about rain so I don’t see why I should. Look, if you’re worried about me being late for the mission I’ll catch up, okay?”
“Kakashi…”
“Go on ahead without me.”
“No, shut up for a damn second!” Blinking several times in rapid succession did nothing to clear the mark from his view. Half a handprint. He’d never studied his own fingerprints very closely but he knew that mark hadn’t been there a second ago so it couldn’t really be anyone else’s. What he did know for sure was that he definitely had a whole hand on that arm the last time he’d checked.
Kakashi only had one eyebrow visible at the best of times and when he turned away from the monument it was lifted in question, his uncovered eye dark with the shadows he’d been carrying with him since Obito’s death.
“Alright, I’ll shut up then,” he said. Amazingly his words came out with just the slightest undertone of humor rather than insult. If Genma’s brain weren’t currently exploding he might have appreciated that a bit more.
“Look at your shoulder. And don’t you dare try to run!”
So Kakashi looked. By some miracle he didn’t even try to flee, although that might have had something to do with the way his knees wavered and folded underneath him. When he lifted a hand to trace the shape of one on his shoulder his cheeks danced through several different colors that Genma wished he knew how to properly interpret. Trying to figure out what was going on in this guy’s brain had always been more guessing game than exact science.
“Half?” Kakashi whispered eventually. “What...does that mean?”
“Oh no you don’t, I know exactly where your head is going, don’t even try to say you must be broken or unwanted or any of that! We’re just...probably waiting on another, you know?” Genma licked his lips nervously, passing the senbon in his mouth from side to side.
“Another!?”
“Well yeah. You know, like how Raidou’s got two mums and a dad? Or how Shizune’s got two mums and two dads? We just got to find our other one probably.”
Kakashi chewed that over for several minutes. While he thought Genma did his best to be subtle about inching closer. He’d been excited about finding his soulmate since he was old enough to know what they were but he knew there were less and less people like him every generation, shinobi more and more frequently taught from a young age not to look forward to something that could end up being used against them. Some people even hoped they never found their match to avoid the chance of testing their own loyalties. Privately Genma had always questioned any loyalty that didn’t leave room for questions.
Slowly the minutes passed as his shuffling took him closer and closer. They really were supposed to be leaving on a mission, were supposed to have left almost a half hour ago, but it wasn’t like the man they were being sent after would die any different if they arrived at night rather than midafternoon. Well, their pay might be cut some if they didn’t make it look quite like the accident they were contracted for but that wasn’t the end of the world. This was more important. If he used his best puppy eyes the Sandaime might not even punish them.
Eventually Kakashi lifted his head and took a deep breath, startling to see that Genma was so much closer but very tellingly not protesting. When he spoke every word carried the faintest tremble.
“I get...two?” he murmured. “Two people who want me?”
“Oh is that- that’s what you were thinking about? God damn it, Hatake!” With a roll of his eyes Genma flopped down on to the ground and threw both arms around Kakashi’s shoulders, more than aware that he was risking a knife between the ribs but also more than willing to take that chance. “We’re your soulmates. We wouldn’t be matched if we weren’t what you needed, you know? I want you, let's be clear on that, and I’m sure they’ll want you too.”
“Not dumb. I’m a genius.”
When their eyes met Genma was cheered to see that spark of humor had returned. His first soulmate had a lot of issues but that was fine, they could work on those together. They’d be fine until the day they could finally be whole.
It took a while. Quite a few years. More than a decade, actually, but Genma would be happy to tell anyone that neither of them had really minded the wait all that much. They had each other through it all and despite the idiot’s protests they spent most of them working Kakashi through the worst of his abandonment issues until he could be called something at least adjacent to mentally stable. In that time they both did their rounds in ANBU and left the organization to seek healthier ways to serve their village. Where Genma chose to fall back in to the regular mission roster Kakashi found himself roped in to taking on a team of genin, something neither of them thought was a really good idea but neither could see a way to get around.
The kids were, collectively, almost as messed up as their sensei had been. Out of the three the most normal was a little pink bubblegum girl named Sakura who spent most of her time swooning over the last of the Uchiha line. Kakashi did what he could to avoid contact with them just as he did for most people, a habit that Genma found entirely exasperating.
“How are we meant to fill out the rest of our marks if you won’t touch people?” he’d asked once.
“Maa,” Kakashi had waved him off. “They can touch you.”
Genma had rolled his eyes and very carefully not traced the colors filling half of his right palm.
Leaving the village periodically had been a part of life since he first graduated the academy but knowing that he was leaving Kakashi behind, trapped inside those massive walls until he felt that his new team might be able to survive the world beyond them, that was new. Mostly it was a new amusement. Genma made sure to bring home as many tales of the outside world as he could, playing them up for all the amusement he could squeeze out of watching Kakashi rock between wistful and jealous. Neither of them had ever really known what to do with kids until three of them were unceremoniously dumped in Kakashi’s lap so Genma didn’t feel much guilt over not coming to see the little rugrats. He knew all he needed to know about them from the horror stories his partner told him.
Or at least he thought he did until the years began to turn and slowly the rest of the village started talking about them. It figured that Kakashi would stumble his way in to accidentally raising some of the most important kids of their generation. If the last of the Uchiha wasn’t notable enough then he had the son of the Yondaime Hokage and if that still wasn’t notable there was always the bubblegum girl who picked herself up off the ground and apprenticed herself to the Godaime, smiling deceptively at anyone who pleased her only to punch straight through the sternum of the ones who didn’t. Genma, when he finally met her face to face, decided that they could definitely be friends after she gained a few more years.
He didn’t realize exactly what such an errant and mindless thought would become.
Keeping his distance from Kakashi’s kids became a lot harder once they stopped actually being kids, growing steadily in to adulthood until one day he met his partner at one of the dingy bars they both shamelessly adored only to find that Kakashi wasn’t alone, slightly harried looking where he sat in the middle of four other bodies all smiling and trading jokes about his new haircut. Genma was already laughing a little to see Naruto poking at the spikes now several inches shorter and neater than they had been earlier in the day.
“It’s certainly an interesting look, senpai,” Cat was telling him - or Yamato, Genma remembered he was supposed to call him now.
“Maa, it’s an accidental look,” Kakashi admitted. Genma slid in to the seat next to him with a little wave to everyone else, barely reacting when Kakashi swooned dramatically in to his shoulder. “One of the ninken knocked in to me when I was trimming and I took a massive chunk off the left side. It was either leave it like that or make everything match.”
“Well I think it looks nice,” Sakura offered. Oddly enough she even seemed to mean it.
Kakashi nodded gratefully in her direction only to wilt when he spotted the notepad that Sai had whipped out, already doodling an outline of the new haircut. Apparently the reminder of his own reflection was not a welcome one.
“So cruel,” he moaned. “All of my loved ones are so cruel to me!”
“I’m sure we’d all be a lot nicer with more alcohol in us.” Well aware that he wasn’t being at all subtle, Genma could only offer a beaming smile when his partner leaned away to glare at him.
“Extra cruel.”
“Does that mean you’re not paying for my beer?”
Kakashi harrumphed his way out of his seat and stomped away towards the bar, gumbling under his breath about joint accounts and shared finances. With most of the table laughing along with him it was only too easy for Genma to ignore Sakura’s narrowed eyes. They’d crossed paths several times during her apprenticeship to Lady Tsunade, a source of much amusement for him whenever he pulled guard duty, but he’d never really had a chance to get to know her more than that so he could probably be forgiven for not knowing what that particular look on her face meant. Or what doom it spelled for those that might ignore it.
When Sakura got up to walk after her old sensei Genma figured she was only going for another drink. Maybe popping off to the bathroom. He would have thought she was going to powder her nose if he had ever seen her wearing more than mascara but even the village civilians knew that the Yamanaka girl was the one obsessed with painting her face. If he had to guess he’d probably say Sakura’s version of dressing up had a lot to do with picking an outfit that best showed off her admittedly impressive biceps.
Not, of course, that he was disparaging such choices. He’d always been attracted to competence more so than a painted face.
It took several minutes for Kakashi and Sakura to make their way back across the bar but when they did they were both wearing faces like they’d seen the meaning of life itself and lived to talk about it. Genma was out of his seat and reaching for Kakashi in an instant, baffled when the man only stood there and blinked at him.
“Genma-san can we talk to you outside?” Sakura asked in a strained voice.
“Sure. Yeah. Did you…break him?”
“I think I might have,” she breathed. Then she turned and walked towards the back entrance with jerky steps.
Without bothering to answer any of the questions from those left behind Genma took his partner’s hand and dragged them both after the pink hair bobbing away from them. Sakura’s compact little body was built much better than either of theirs for weaving her way through the crowd, enough so that by the time they stumbled out in to the back alley Genma was a little worried she might have had time to disappear on them. Thankfully she hadn’t. He did, however, note that her eyes were just as wide as Kakashi’s and both of them looked rather like they would have loved to flee if only they could figure out which direction to go in.
“Alright, who’s going to tell me what’s going on?” he said. Kakashi gurgled a little.
“I, ah, okay so...please don’t be upset.” The leather of Sakura’s gloves creaked in protest as she wrung the poor things between her bare hands with perhaps a little too much violence.
“No promises. Go on then.”
The look she gave him was utterly devoid of humor but luckily for his bones she chose not to punish him for trying to lighten the mood. After a few more times wringing her gloves she allowed them to drop to the ground, taking one very deep breath before turning both hands to reveal her palms. One of them was half colored in.
“Look I know he’s your- I know that you two- I didn’t mean to! Genma-san I’ve never seen anything like this! I was just trying to get his attention so I put a hand on his shoulder and I guess I’ve just never touched him skin to skin before and-”
“Woah, calm down, calm down. Don’t start hyperventilating. It’s...you left a...a soulmark?”
All the breath in his lungs whooshed out of him with some indeterminate noise when both Sakura and Kakashi nodded in the affirmative. It felt like suddenly there was no more oxygen left. Distantly Genma could tell that his legs were trembling but he couldn’t be bothered to care about that at the moment, not when everything he’d been waiting so long for was coming true right in front of his eyes.
He didn’t realize how long he stared for until Sakura cleared her throat and he peeked up to see that she looked even closer to flight. Only then did the rest of her words finally sink in and he understood why she didn’t look happier about such an auspicious discovery.
“You idiot!” Kakashi flinched when Genma reached over to smack him on the back of the head. “How many years have you known this girl and you never told her we’ve got another soulmate!?”
“A- a what?” Sakura breathed.
“We- oh sweet chakra farts just give me your hand, here.”
Impatient to seal them all together, Genma didn’t wait for permission to reach over and clasp Sakura’s hand in the one of his own that looked very much like hers, colored in on one half where he’d first touched Kakashi in the same place she had. All it took was a brief press of skin and then he was pulling away to turn his hand over. They still matched, of course, only now they both sported palms entirely covered with the beautiful mix of colors that made up their soulmarks, each half ever so slightly unique to show that they were both bonded to a third. No doubt Kakashi’s mark looked identical and for the space of a single moment Genma thought to pity his first partner that he didn’t have the same ability to just sit and stare at his own mark.
The moment passed quickly. Kakashi was a sappy guy under the front he put up for others but he wasn’t quite that sentimental. Which was good. Sometimes Genma needed a little help tossing out his old ripped clothing because those shirts had been with him through so many missions they almost felt like friends.
“Oh.” The breathy whisper of Sakura’s voice brought him back from whatever tangents his brain had been trying to distract him with. “I...both of you!?”
“Maa, sorry about that,” Kakashi offered sheepishly.
“Don’t be- you- and you- and you think I need you to say sorry?”
“I’ve been chipping away at those self esteem issues for years, trust me. Might be nice to have some help with that.” Genma chuckled to cover his nerves. “Seriously though, you don’t mind do you? We’re both maybe a bit old for you but we’ve been keeping a spot on the couch warm for whenever we found you. If you need some time to think about it that’s okay. Just, ah, just know that, um…”
He was cut off from having to finish that thought by deceptively slim arms throwing themselves around his neck. Genma closed his eyes and reveled in the instant familiarity until Kakashi very shyly pressed himself in from behind and then that was it. They were complete. It would have been impossible to find words to describe the difference but it was there and Genma was just as happy to feel it instead of talking about it. After all this time they had found her, the missing piece in the beautiful puzzle of their bond.
“Who needs time?” Sakura mumbled against his neck. “I’ve got so much to catch up on.”
“Later,” Kakashi insisted very quietly.
It wasn’t hard to guess his meaning. Genma smiled when he felt one of Sakura’s arms tighten around him even as the other let go to reach for Kakashi, all three woven together exactly as they were always meant to be. This, he decided, was one of the better things the universe had created. He might give fate a hard time for all the shit it had thrown at them over the years but it had always been clear to him that this right here, the three of them together, this would always be worth it.
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