#I knew Kevin's episode would get me

[magentagalaxies]

Kids in the Archive: Episode 8

welcome back to kids in the archive! the show where i highlight iconic kids in the hall sketches that i have procured the original scripts for and break down a behind-the-scenes comparison of script and screen

Previous Episodes: Episode 1 - armada finale ("do we make it?") Episode 2 - fran & gordon: the vacation Episode 3 - comfortable Episode 4 - cathy & kathi: is he? Episode 5 - danny husk: kidnapped! Episode 6 - trappers Episode 7 - sizzlers & the bank

on today's episode, i bring you the highly revised s3e17 sketch that is Darcy and Francesca!

i've always enjoyed this sketch - francesca fiore is one of my favorite scott characters and i really enjoyed both darcy pennell show sketches and i wish they did more. however the reason i'm showcasing it today is because this is the most any kids in the hall script has deviated from the final product out of the ones i've read so far. i've had scripts with a slightly different ending beat or a change in casting, but aside from the sketches that never made it into the show at all, this one presents the most interesting alternate universe where this aired as written, and raises questions about why these changes were made in the first place

Darcy's Personality

The first thing you'll notice in this script is that darcy pennell has a bit more of an edge. her opening song's lyrics reference mood swings and lithium (we stan a bipolar queen), she gets mad when she can't parse francesca's nationality, there's a line where she talks about having a thing for the tin man from wizard of oz, she even sits behind a desk! okay, the desk thing isn't that edgy, but that also shows us how the setup of this show differs as well, with darcy constantly calling to unseen camera men with increasingly ridiculous names.

a bit of this edge remains in the sketch that aired - like referencing the show's previous episode as giving makeovers to the women on death row (a line that was added since it does not appear in this script), or teasing the next episode as darcy joining the hell riders (which is still in this ending). however, these jokes are juxtaposed with the daytime-talkshow-positivity and mom-vibes darcy gives off otherwise. i think this works, both because the contrast makes both traits pop and because it plays to kevin's strengths. some of my favorite beats are not in this draft - while script-darcy pulls out popcorn to watch the clip, screen-darcy puts on nonfunctional glasses so she can get used to them. while script-darcy complains about subtitles, screen-darcy talks over the clip by saying "what a lovely wall!"

Francesca Fiore Lore

the sequence of darcy trying to parse francesca fiore's nationality is a bit more drawn out and includes specifics of francesca's global backstory:

personally, i like the final sketch's version of this conversation much better - quickly going back and forth setting up a country she's from and then denying being from that country. i also like the ending of the screen version's conversation better - where instead of getting mad, darcy is somehow able to grasp that francesca is somehow irish. however, this lore-dump is also interesting considering as this is only francesca fiore's second appearance. the first page of the text has to justify her as being "from hazy movie," the only sketch she's been in thus far.

The Censorship

by "the censorship" i don't necessarily mean the sketch itself was censored (or do i?), i mean that in the alternate universe this sketch provides, it's abundantly clear the theme of this sketch is censorship! sure, censorship is referenced in the final sketch (the clip of francesca's movie being cut, francesca's line "shoot shoot bang bang kill kill is fine, but show seven genital and everybody go crazy"). however, the script goes even farther.

after the clip concludes, darcy commiserates with francesca, saying any time she tries to bring up anything controversial, the camera just cuts to calming beach footage until she brings up hairstylists. then this happens:

following this, we have the same francesca line about violence being allowed but not sex, and darcy teasing her next episode.

so what do we make of this? well, the kids in the hall have always had issues with censorship from networks over the years, and the juxtaposition between censoring sexuality while allowing violence unfiltered has been part of scott's work for years. a decade after this sketch, he'd be taking on this subject again in his one-man-show The Lowest Show On Earth, whose poster (featuring scott with what appears to be semen on his face) would cause controversy, leading scott to comment on how if it was blood there would be no issue. interestingly, the topic of censorship became even more prevalent during the amazon prime revival decades later, because while scenes of sex and nudity were more acceptable, the third kind of censorship (censoring discussion of controversial topics, like darcy runs into) was even more prevalent. this topic is also going to be a staple of the buddy cole documentary, and i wonder what scott thinks of this alternate script

so why was the censorship commentary toned down? i have three theories:

a) they were censored (either the network didn't like their portrayal of the censors being met with violence or the violence was so gratuitous that it was not allowed on television) b) it was too expensive to shoot (a lot goes into filming a sketch like this - location, special effects, the cost of filming itself) c) it just wasn't that good

personally, as interesting as i find the kids in the hall's (specifically scott's) relationship to censorship to be, i'm inclined to go with the third option. this alternate ending makes a point, sure, but it's not as funny. i don't think i'd be returning to the sketch as much as i do if this script was the version that aired. even when looking at the youtube comments on this upload, the top comments are all referencing jokes that aren't in this draft. the darcy theme song, "what a lovely wall", and bruno counting the genitals in the clip are all iconic moments and as much as i love satire, i think these sillier moments make the satire itself stronger.

but i'm glad i have this look into what this sketch could have been, to make me appreciate the process.

[whump-imagines]

Backup

Jay x reader

Wc: 920

Reader is in intelligence and goes to talk to a suspect alone. Kind of inspired by the episode when Erin gets held hostage. Also Connor didn't leave. Because it's my fic and I can do what I want.

---

As soon as the suspect pulled the knife out of his pocket, you heard Jay’s words echo in your head 'just wait for me to get there'.

You had just assured him you could handle one interview on your own.

The knife swung towards you and you managed to dodge it and throw a punch. Then you were in an all out brawl trying to disarm this suspect without getting stabbed.

You heard the door crash open followed by Jay shouting your name.

In the moment of distraction, the knife suddenly connected across your abdomen. You curled into yourself and then lost your balance as you dodged another blow.

From your back on the ground you kicked at the suspect trying to regain control of the situation. Kicking and trying to roll out from below him, he managed to slice once more across your thigh just above your knee.

“Drop the knife!” Jay shouted from the doorway. The guy hesitated and Jay tried again. “Drop it and put your hands up!”

“Okay!” The guy bent like he was going to comply but then straightened and took off running out the back door.

“Suspect is on foot out the back door. He is armed,” Jay relayed into his radio.

You heard Adam and Kevin confirm they had eyes on him and were in pursuit.

Knowing they would catch him, you relaxed onto the floor exhausted from fighting. You knew you should assess your injuries but you just wanted a moment.

Next thing you knew, Jay was kneeling beside you. “Shit, shit,” he cursed. He grabbed a dish towel from the counter before speaking into his radio again as he pressed the towel to your abdomen. “I have an officer down. Deep laceration to the femoral artery.” He ripped off his belt and wrapped it around your leg and tightened it.

“It's fine. It doesn't even hurt.” You tried to stop him from fully tightening his belt.

“It's not fine. You already lost too much blood, you're in shock.” He managed to tighten the belt enough to slow the blood flow causing you to scream in pain. He pulled the towel away from the second cut and sighed in relief. “That one doesn't look too deep.”

You just nodded. Suddenly everything hurt and you were cold. “I'm tired.”

He gently tapped your cheek and forced your eyes to meet his. “You stay awake. Medics will be here any second.”

“Jay?” You hear Sylvie shout from towards the front of the house.

“Back here!” Jay answers. Then he turns his focus to you. “You hear that? Sylvie and Violet are here. They'll get you to Med and we'll get you all patched up.”

“Hey,” Violet greets as she kneels down beside you. “What happened?”

“Knife wounds,” Jay explained. “She needs a better tourniquet on her leg. Belt slowed it but it's not enough. She's also got a shallow one across her stomach.”

“BP is low and she's tachy,” Sylvie added. “We should go.”

“This is going to hurt,” Violet told you before horrible pain shot through your leg. You heard velcro and then the jingle of Jay’s belt buckle as it was removed from your leg.

Sylvie handed an IV bag to Jay and then leaned so you could see her. “I'm going to give you something for the pain and then we'll get you to Med. How's that sound?”

“Sounds good.”

By the time they were loading you into the ambulance you were struggling to stay awake. Soon after the doors closed you lost that fight.

You hear Jay talking. Why is he talking so loud when you're trying to sleep? You groan, hoping he will get the message and be quieter.

“Y/N?” Jay is closer now. “Are you awake?”

Groaning again, you shake your head. “Shh.”

He chuckles. “No, shh. I need you to open your eyes for me, sweetheart.”

You hear the hiss of air and then something is squeezing your arm. Confusion finally makes you crack open your eyes. As soon as you look around, you realize you're in the hospital and then you remember the fight and the knife.

“Hi.” He runs his hand over your head and presses a kiss to your forehead. “How're you feeling?”

“Hi,” you croak and then cough. Jay grabs a cup of water for you to sip. Clearing your throat you try again. “Hi. Um, I feel okay. Tired. Maybe a little dizzy.”

He nods. “Any pain?”

You take a moment to access. You shift slightly, testing. There's a slight burn as the gown shifts over your stomach and a bit of an ache in your leg. “Nothing unbearable.”

Just then, the door opens and Connor enters. “Hey, glad you're awake.”

“Yeah. Can I go back to sleep now?” you asked. “Better yet, can I go home?”

“No. You'll be here until tomorrow at a minimum,” he explained. “I need you off that leg for now.” He moves the blanket and checks your stitches then moves to check the pulse in your foot. “Everything looks good. Get some rest.”

“Thanks, man,” Jay walks over to shake Connor's hand.

“Yeah, thanks!” you add before he can leave the room.

You yawn as the door closes. Jay takes your hand in his and peppers kisses to your knuckles. “Do me a favor…”

“Hmm?” You hum trying to stay awake.

He presses one more kiss to the back of your hand. “Next time, don't go in without backup.”

You snort. “Yeah, deal.”

[crowdedimagines]

Roadkill - Aaron Hotchner Imagine

Based around the season 4 episode 23 titled Roadkill! I am going through a rewatch right now and just watched this one!! Also I am trying to stick to the storyline of the episode, but obviously things will be a little different in how they play out 🤩 3.6K

"How do you feel about Oregon?" JJ asks immediately after I pick up on the third ring.

"I have a feeling I would like Oregon a lot more when it isn't 3:00a.m." I tease, sitting up in bed, already knowing whatever she's calling for is going to be bad enough to to call us in this early.

"Can you be in to the office to brief in an hour? Wheels are up around 4:30."

"I'll be there!"

We both get off the phone so we can pack our go bags and get the day started, although earlier for both of us then intended. I manage to take a fast shower by the time I get out my phone is ringing again, this time it's unit leader Aaron Hotchner.

"I assume you've been informed that we have a case and we're meeting shortly." Hotch has his stern, yet tired voice on.

"Yep, showered squeaky clean. I just need some coffee and I will be on my way!" I smile, wringing out the moisture that's still in my hair and put the phone on speaker to set it down on the bathroom counter.

"I actually just made too much, I'm on my way in now. I could bring you coffee." He offers.

I pause in my actions, surprised by the offer. Although I would've been a lot more shocked a couple weeks ago. When I started with the team Hotch was going through a divorce, but in recent weeks there's been a shift in our dynamic and I'm not sure I'm dreaming it up. It all started a couple weeks back when I dropped off some baked goods after a rare long weekend away from work for him and Jack since it was his weekend to have him. They invited me to stay and I spent the rest of the afternoon with the boys. By the end of the night I was calling him by his first name instead of 'Hotch' which was a new development. Ever since it's been small gestures and looks that tell me something is different.

I've been a part of the BAU for a couple years, growing in confidence and skill the more cases I get under my belt. I spent four years in the military as a designated marksman before continuing my training with the FBI, which lead me to the Counterterrorism Division, and then to the BAU.

"That sounds great actually." I grin. Bringing me coffee to work is another new thing. Aaron has been chattier, smiling more, but coffee is a new ball park.

"Alright, I will be in around twenty. Drive safe."

I mutter back a "you too" before we both hang up. As I make my way into the office I'm the first to reach the bullpen, I came a little early once I knew Aaron was going to be in. A traveling mug is sitting on my desk and I take a long sip. It's still hot, and it's exactly how I always make it. It's also the traveling mug he almost always can be seen with. I set my bag down by my desk before climbing up the stairs to Aaron's office.

"Good morning." I knock lightly on his open door, "Thank you for this. It's perfect."

He looks up from the folder in front of him and the frown leaves his face.

"I'm glad."

I take a seat in one of the chairs across from his desk. It'll be fifteen minutes before the rest of the team joins us. Hotch begins to fill me in on some of the details without going too much into it. We still have to brief as a team.

"I don't think I've ever heard of a vehicle being used as the weapon." I surmise.

"It's highly rare. I've never seen a case likely this first hand." Aaron admits and we discuss a few more aspects of the case.

Eventually the rest of the team trickles in and after some light conversation I go back to my desk. Garcia comes in stomping directly to my desk.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Kevin is looking into a working a secret job and I wont even know where he'll be!" She gushes.

"Slow down, he what?" I spin around in my chair. Garcia fills me in on the details of the job and exactly what he had said to her. The worry on her face is permanent.

"Don't worry yet. He hasn't gotten the job, and if he's offered, you don't even know if he'll take it! Lets just wait to worry once we have something to worry about."

Penelope nods agreeing with my words before moving onto Morgan's desk to do the same and I smile and shake my head. JJ pulls us all into the conference room.

"An unsub that kills with his car." Emily states, "I haven't seen that before."

"Neither have the police in Bend, Oregon." JJ replies, displaying pictures on the screen in front of us.

"Two victims in the last twelve days." Hotch adds, "First was hit on a morning jog and the second was a woman stranded after her car broke down."

"Both female victims, but completely different age groups." I speak up, "The first victim was 23 and the second was 43."

"Maybe they aren't connected." Morgan thinks out loud.

JJ pulls up more pictures and explains that both victims were backed over after they were hit. No chance of accident and the same tread marks at both scenes.

"With where these wounds are, the worst of the blow is high on the bodies." I comment looking through the file, "It has to be a truck or SUV to match these wound patterns."

"See if Garcia can follow that. Try tracking makes and models." Aaron directs.

"There should be significant front end damage to the vehicle." Spencer chimes in.

"Unless our unsub is smart enough and skilled enough to cover his tracks." I begin, "Somehow I don't think it'll be as easy as finding a damaged truck."

It's a five hour flight from DC all the way to Bend but thankfully it gives us all the opportunity to rest up again. By the time we land we can go straight to the police station.

"I think it's safe to say our unsub is male." I read over the case file, thinking out loud with Aaron. This is something new too, we often brainstorm together and work well to get the other thinking outside the box.

"I agree." Hotch nods, "Given what we know about aggressive driving and road rage."

"And the fact that men have an unnatural bond with their cars." Emily laughs. JJ chimes in to agree, which turns into Morgan disagreeing before Rossi is also adding to it.

"I think he has to be overcompensating. Why else have a need for a truck that big." I guess.

"Possibly." Spencer comments, "If the unsub is physically defective the car not only gives the power and control he otherwise lacks, but it also serves as a shield."

"A way for him to avoid physical contact?" Hotch asks.

"He wants power and control of his victims." Prentiss shutters, "Female victims. It almost reads like an assault profile."

"I wanna know why he isn't getting personal with it then. If this is how he assaults women, what if there's something that prevents him from going a more traditional route. It's possible he's disabled." I suggest.

Hotch tells Garcia to look into it to see if anything recent could be a trigger and to look at the people surrounding the victims. Morgan and Rossi head to the highway to get a feel for it and see what they can get from it from the second victim's scene. Hotch and I head to where the jogger was hit.

"Not a lot of people jog here. It's a physically demanding hike." The sheriff informs gesturing to the trail.

"Well, she was a triathlete." I remind.

"The assailant drove behind her and ran her down right here." The sheriff walks us in to where the red stained gravel remains.

"She was jogging alone? Any woman would know if a car was following her up the trail. Her intuition would've been driving her crazy. She would get off the trail or call for help."

"What if he was already here waiting." Hotch agrees, taking in the scene, "What if she was the reason he was here and it wasn't random. He was waiting for her specifically."

"That would mean we underestimated him. It wasn't a random attack, it was planned and vindictive.

The team meets back at the station to go over what we've discovered. The second victim's husband comes in and recalls seeing a large black truck parked by their house giving us something. This confirms that he's targeting and stalking specific individuals.

"Ready be done for the night?" Aaron asks, he peeks his head into the conference room that only I occupy at this point. The rest of the team has already gone to the hotel to call it a night, but Aaron was still talking with the husband and I was just pouring over people in the area that raised some of Garcia's flags based on what we know so far.

"I suppose." I close the file I had been reading and rub at my eyes.

"It'll still be there tomorrow." He reminds.

"I know, the sooner the better though." That's something I don't need to remind him on. We both know it all too well. With an unsub this aggressive we know he isn't stopping anytime soon.

The drive to the hotel is short and comfortably quiet. Neither Aaron or myself have the energy to discuss anything as we're going on a fifteen hour day.

"Goodnight, Y/n." Aaron carried my bag in from the car to the foot of my bed in my room, even with multiple reassurances that I could carry it just fine. I give him a soft knowing smile before he leaves for his own room.

The next morning it's discovered that the unsub sabotaged the second victims car in order to strand them. He's very focused and well planned.

"We need to figure out why he's picking these women." Hotch states, "What makes them a target and links them together."

"Road rage, maybe they cut him off at some point?" I question, "Also how does he have the time to stalking these women to know their routines, sabotage a car, park and wait."

"Roughly eight percent of the United States is unemployed." Reid rattles off.

"Including someone who could be disabled and lives off of a pension." I remind from my earlier guess."

"Have Garcia look into it." Hotch states before walking away and I smile.

"Pretty girl is on top of it this case." Morgan teases with a smirk.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I roll my eyes.

"Maybe it's something to do with her getting the case early and going over it with Hotch before our team briefing." Reid says with his nose already in a new file. I can feel my face turn a shade of red.

"Pretty girl is getting extra credit!" Prentiss joins in happy to tease, even adopting Morgan's typical nickname for me and Penelope.

"I don't know what you guys are talking about. I simply got in early and we were both at the office." I take a sip of my coffee, looking for any distraction, reaching out to grab a file for myself to ready through. I'm really glad that I didn't bring Hotch's travel mug in from the hotel, I still have it and I almost used it today. That definitely wouldn't go unnoticed with the people surrounding me.

Thankfully the team lets us move on and were able to brainstorm some more. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for JJ to interrupt to tell us there's been a third victim.

"Impact nearly cut him in two." The sheriff explains.

"Male victim?" I question as we arrive on the scene. The unsub hit him in a parking garage, pinning him between the truck and elevator doors. "He's getting more aggressive."

Cigarettes butts are discovered where the truck was parked in waiting. All of them stripped of the filter showing signs that he's military.

"Guys I think I know what ties the victims together." Reid interrupts, "All of the victims drove two door red coupes."

Garcia was able to look into car accidents that left someone injured enough to the point that he can't kill traditionally. He holds the person responsible for his accident for killing his loved one and his own disability. There's nearly twenty five people to still filter out off of the specifications we gave her.

"Wait you guys I think I found it." I sit up from the most recent file that had red flags, "Ian and Sheila Coakley crashed while driving home from Napa Valley on route 7 around midnight. It appeared their car was run off the road. His wife died at the scene."

"And Ian?" Rossi asks.

"He survived although he suffered a spinal cord injury."

Morgan and Prentiss go to his doctor to verify some information while we try to track down Ian. His house foreclosed after the accident.

"Track the parts for his specific truck. He's been doing his own repairs so they have to be sent somewhere." Rossi suggests to Garcia.

"Rossi gets a gold star!" Garcia sings, "He's having the parts drop shipped, I'm sending you guys the address."

"Hey, what do I get for knowing he would be disabled?" I jest, I called that from the plane.

"Nothing but my love, sugar." Garcia says before hanging up.

"I don't have a gold star, but well done Y/Ln." Aaron nods.

Arriving at the home Ian had been renting we find it empty but lots of surveillance photos of the victims and one other person who hasn't been harmed.

"Send this to Garcia now, we need to know who this is." Rossi hands me the picture. I send it to her and she's able to run his plate from the image.

It doesn't take her long to find him and contact his home, where she finds out that he's out biking with a group doing a thirty mile loop.

"Y/n, you're with me. We'll take the north side, Morgan and Rossi you start south and we'll meet in the middle." I quickly get in the passenger side of the SUV and Aaron takes off.

The biking club that target is in covers a lot of milage as Aaron speeds through the dirt road trying so hard to meet the group before the unsub does. Eventually we're closing in, but unfortunately the black truck is ahead of us and gaining on the bikers faster than we're gaining on him.

"Hold on." Aaron takes a risk by cutting Ian off before he can clip the mass of bicyclists. He does this by driving the front left corner of our car into the back right of his truck.

The airbags go off and were spun around from the impact.

"Y/n." Aaron calls. He says it a second time with more panic when I don't answer.

"I'm okay." I groan. The unsub is attempting to back his truck out of the ditch we're both stuck in to finish his mission. He took a much less impactful hit from our collision. I unclip my seatbelt and swing open my door, shattered glass falling from my lap as I stand up.

"Y/n, wait." Aaron instructs, he pulls hard on his seatbelt. It seems like he's stuck from the accident, but the worry on his face is only for me. I give him a look to say I've got this, while he continues to pull at his jammed seatbelt.

"Ian Coakley." I call out, and the man looks over to me briefly. It registers on his face that I am holding my gun and it's aimed for him, he has tears in his eyes.

"This is for Sheila." he floors it heading straight for the group that's waiting after witnessing the accident.

I plant my feet and aim for the back window of the truck, hoping to hit Ian's shoulder. Enough to stop him in his tracks before can harm anyone else without killing him. I've done enough killing myself over the years, and even with all he's done he's a man suffering with the grief of accidentally killing his wife.

The bullet leaves my gun with a loud crack, shattering the back window of the truck. He swerves but not enough to take him off the road. I let out a breath and fire again, this time sending a bullet into the back of his chair and sending his car off the road again to be stopped by a tree. I let out a huff of exhaustion from the impact leaning against the SUV.

Morgan and Rossi pull up and stop to get out and help Aaron and I after seeing our totaled SUV.

"Go" I wave them to keep driving to the unsub to see if he's ok and they do. Aaron manages to get out of the car finally, I hear Morgan call out to radio in an ambulance.

"He's still alive." Rossi shouts to us referring to Ian, they have him laying down now while applying pressure to his wound. The top of his shoulder which shouldn't be fatal, I sigh in relief.

"Are you okay?" Aaron asks finally rounding the back of the car to join me where I stand, he steadies himself. I nod, finally putting my gun away, feeling how stiff my body is.

Aaron fully ignores my nod, taking my head in his hands and pulling my eyelid open to check for signs of a brain bleed. He wipes at my forehead, pulling back his hand with blood on it. Maybe we were hit harder than I thought. Damn airbags.

"I think you have a concussion-" He states, "and you might need stitches."

The worry on his face is deep. I can feel the guilt radiating off of him, he was the one driving. He's the one that chose to hit the unsub's truck.

"I'm okay!" I reassure him, placing my hands on top of his that still rest on my head. This is crossing a new line. He's never touched my face, and I've never touched his hands like this.

"I shouldn't have done that. It was reckless."

"I'm glad you did." I disagree, "If we had waited any longer he would've been able to get his last victim. There's an entire biking club alive right now because of you."

This reminder seems to help slightly, he looks over my shoulder where the crowd remains. I pull him in for a hug, both of us shaking slightly from the adrenaline. After a while we pull apart, the rest of the team arrives as well as a couple ambulances. One takes Ian away immediately, escorted with two police officers as well.

"It took two shots? You're losing your touch." Morgan teases, thowing an arm around my shoulder that makes me wince a little. My phenomenal aim has always been a touchy subject with him, not liking being second.

"I'm concussed and he was driving fast." I defend, fully knowing how whiny I sound.

"Statically of our entire team Y/n would be the only one likely to have made that shot with the variable speed that Ian Croakley was traveling at." Spencer chimes in.

"I knew you were my favorite for a reason." I grin pulling Spence in for a hug effectively shaking off Morgan's arm.

"Yeah, whatever." Morgan shrugs, ruffling the hair in top of Spencer's head.

"Ma'am, you really need to get looked at." The emt reminds, interrupting our conversation. I leave the group and look over to see Aaron sitting on the back of one of the ambulances. We both finish getting evaluated, thankfully nothing too serious that we have to delay our flight home.

"You were right about the concussion." I grin walking up to Aaron as the sheriff walks off.

"And it would seem the stitches too." He reaches out again, thumb hovering over the threading sticking out of my forehead.

"Yeah, should make fore a pretty badass scar." I tease.

"I'm sure it will." He smiles, a real smile. The Aaron smile that I have seen so rarely, but more frequent lately. The plane ride back home is quiet, everyone drained, Aaron and I just flat out sore. By the time we get back to the BAU, Aaron sends everyone home saying the paperwork can wait for the following day. Everyone clears out and he goes back up to his office.

"Not following your own advice?"I question, walking into his office. I make my way round to his side of the desk and lean back on it. The edge of my thigh just barely meeting the outside of his arm from where he sits.

"Just wrapping up a few things before." He sets down his papers, his eyes raking all the way up me from toe to head, we both pretend I don't notice.

"You know, since I have a concussion they said I need to be under observation. No sleeping, crazy delusions, slipping into comas that sort of thing. You know anyone who wants to stay awake with me?"

"I can think of someone" He smirks, "I can put on a pot of coffee."

I pull out the to go mug he had brought my coffee in a few days ago out of my tote and hold it out to him.

"Take me home Aaron."

AHHHHHHHH i hope yall like this! i haven't written in forever to it was honestly just fun to do! :)

[thecomicsnexus]

TMNT: 40TH ANNIVERSARY COMICS CELEBRATION

July 2024

By Kevin Eastman, Edgar Alan Poe, Jim Lawson, Tristan Jones, Gary Carlson, Chris Allan, Erik Burnham, Lloyd Goldfine, Ciro Nieli, Andy Suriano, Tom Waltz, Ronda Pattison , Tom Napolitano, Steve Lavigne, Paul Harmon, Frank Fosco, Adam Guzowski, Sarah Myer, Luis Antonio Delgado, Shawn Lee, Khary Randolph, Emilio Lopez, Michael Dialynas, Pablo Tunica, Freddie E. Williams II, David Petersen, Ken Mitchroney, Aaron Hazouri, Dan Duncan, Sophie Campbell, Jodi Nishijima, Stan Sakai, and Emi Fujii.

Come and enjoy stories that will remind you of the 40 years of turtle history.

SCORE: 10 *

* Assuming you are familiar with these iterations.

This is a strange read, and curiously, there are three or four highlights for me, and they are not exactly the ones you would imagine.

Spoilers after the break...

The first story by Kevin Eastman is in the Mirage section of the book but... well... I'll leave at that... I wouldn't call it the Mirage we knew.

There is a story by Lawson and Lavigne with the Rat King that... it's fun. But, you know... I wouldn't even try to fit it in canon... the amount of continuity physics you need to bend to place this story is not worth the time. Just enjoy as a new story by these two iconic Mirage artists.

This other story by Tristan H. Jones and Paul Harmon requires more analysis. I'll revisit it on my gang wars video and try to give it more context... but unfortunately... it's just too vague. All I can say for sure is that it happens in the future of that incomplete saga, but the narrator just takes too many artistic choices to be taken at face value.

Also... I believe this is the first official (frontal) appearance of Agent Bishop (unless I got the character wrong, but Jones already tried to introduce him in this saga). I think he is still holding on to it, and I really hope he gets to tell his story. I wouldn't mind a mini-series... just saying!

The Volume 3 story was... not for me. The dialogue alone felt tired.

The Archie adventure was short, eventful, and funny... and it looks amazing too!

In just four pages a new character was introduced and... a new love story was implied! And it's not just a gratuitous cameo... this is a funny sequence.

The Saturday Morning Adventures (the de facto 87 story) looks amazing as usual, but I didn't find the story that interesting. However, it started a theme that would run across most of the stories in this special after this one: Master Splinter.

The 2003 story is a... loose canon?

Hun is Slash, and Shredder is back... so make of that what you want. All I'm going to say is that this felt a lot like watching the beginning of a 2003 episode, with the narration setting the tone.

The 2012 story was one of the least interesting in the previews, but I have to say... it was probably one of the best. It brought back a villain and it technically serves as an excuse to continue the series?

But to me the best thing about the story is the art. I am surprised Ciro Nieli didn't do more comic book work for the Turtles all these years. In fact, if they somehow decided to continue the 2012 universe in 2D in this style... I'm all in. Well, who am I kidding... I would be in anyway... but this looks amazing.

Andy Suriano did probably the most interesting story in the book. Now, I am not sure if his style doesn't translate well to static panels or what the problem is with the comic format... but it doesn't matter... this small story brought in a lot of things that ended on the editing floor after the show's second season was reduced to a few more episodes. There was a rumor about a female turtle, and not only it is here in all its glory, but there is also a brother?

And come on... it's so Lou Jitsu to die with a cliffhanger.

There are two IDW stories. One is another Splinter story, but the other one is perhaps one of the best in this book.

The Ronda Pattison story takes place just before the Armageddon game, and it shows the five turtles in full sibling dynamic (even Jennika). It was refreshing to see these turtles having fun for a change.

There are no stories by the new team, but... well... that's just starting.

[poppadom0912]

Love on ice

Characters: Jay Halstead x Reader, Adam Ruzek, Kevin Atwater, Makayla Burgess, Jordan Atwater

Warnings: None

Summary: Jay unveils one of his biggest secrets to help a friend.

A/N: I got some inspiration from one of the chicago pd episodes this season. Thought it would be cute but it didn't turn out as nice as I wanted it to.

Wrapping up a successful case felt good. Damages were kept to a minimal and Jay was certain this case in particular wouldn't haunt him in his dream which was always a bonus.

Jay was currently messaging you, keeping his smile hidden behind his hand so no one would interrogate him. He had been able to keep you his best kept secret for a year now and no one knew besides Will because of your sudden appearance at his door one night but he'd been sworn to secrecy.

Pressing his lips together, he kept down a chuckle at one of your well thought out jokes and put his phone down, promising to call you on his way home. Just as he was going to sign off all his paperwork before signing off for the night, Jay became aware of the conversation everyone was participating in besides him.

"We can skate but she wants professionalism." Kim stressed, leaning back on her chair as she talked about who Jay guessed was Makayla. "She straight up told us no when I offered to teach her myself."

"You did tell her that Jordan is pretty good, right?" Kevin asked, looking at his best friend questiongly before looking back to his monitor.

"We tried that Kev." Adam answered for Kim, pushing his chair back to his own desk. "She needs to see him on the ice first."

Jay felt like he would regret his actions but deep down, he adored Kim and Adam's daughter. Maybe you wouldn't shout at him if it was for Makayla's sake.

"You said she wants a professional skater?" Jay asked, finally stepping into the conversation. Turning around in his chair, he found it funny how everyone looked at him with the same question hanging on the tips of their tongues.

"Yeah..." Kim trailed, going to ask him something but was cut off.

"We've got the day off tomorrow, I know someone if you're willing." Jay discreetly offered, shrugging his shoulders as though nothing was suspicious about how vague he was being.

Kim and Adam shared a glance, having a silent conversation with their eyes before shrugging. "Sure, why not. Send me the address of the rink?"

"You got it."

*****

When Jay came home yesterday night with that stupid sheepish smile on his face, the first thing you felt was fear. You still felt it now along with a newfound nervousness.

Skating had been your livelihood, your blood ever since you could walk. Skating was more familiar to you than some common knowledge but you would never complain.

It was actually skating that brought you and Jay together in the first place.

You met him after practice and bumped into him on your way to the gym. Hitting it off was easy and it was smooth sailing from there.

You never questioned why Jay's friends and co-workers were still unaware of your existence, especially when he had to deal with your past.

You loved skating more than a lot of things so it confused you as to why you were so nervous.

"Y/N, why are you so nervous?" Jay asked you, leaning forward against the guard rails. He refused to get on the ice and insisted on watching from afar. He could see your tells: fidgeting with the end of your sleeve, spinning in circles and refusing to stay still.

"What if I'm not up to her standards?" You asked, gently pushing yourself towards him, letting him take your hands in his before you wore a hole into your shirt sleeve.

"Are you kidding? She'll love you." Jay huffed with a smile at the thought of someone not being impressed by you. "Ruzeks probably expecting some skater I knew back in the days who owed me a favour."

You rose a brow, looking at him expectantly.

"Yes, I owe you one."

Before you could voice or show him your appreciation for his short words, you were stopped by the doors opening and a small group of four entering. You didn't recognise them but Jay definitely did.

"Yo Jay! What's up?" Kevin waved at his friend, Jordan at his side. You both knew of the Atwater brothers joining you which you had no problem with.

"Hey guys, hey Makayla." Jay greeted, doing a 'man hug' and spudding the young girl who eagerly smiled at him.

"This is my girlfriend Y/N." Jay introduced you to his friends. He reached out to you, pulling you closer even though he was on dry land and you on ice.

As soon as your name left his lips, all four heads snapped in your direction, mouths agape and eyes wide in shock. You secretly hoped they wouldn't know who you were but it made sense if they were into skating.

"Y/N Y/L/N. Jay managed to snag Y/N?" Adam asked himself, astonished as to how you two were even dating and how no one ever knew you guys were dating.

You sheepishly smiled, shaking hands with each of them, even Makayla who was frozen.

It was as if you were a celebrity who worked in Hollywood the way she looked up you; her eyes shining in adoration and the brightest smile spreading, her dimples really popping out.

"Hi Makayla." You knowingly smiled at the girl, holding out your hand to shake hers over the barrier. "It's nice to finally meet you."

Glitter was practically sparkling in her eyes as her mouth remained agape at the face she had only ever seen on the tv screen at home. Her dreams were all of a sudden coming true and she found herself struggling to compute.

Adam gently nudged her with his hand on her shoulder, prompting her to return your handshake which she rapidly did once she was shaken out of her stupor.

"You- you're Y/N Y/L/N." She stated the obvious, hand still shaking yours unknowingly.

"That's me." You nodded, gently releasing her hand and going forth to shake the three mens hands.

"I'm Y/N." You introduced yourself to your boyfriends colleagues. "You guys skating with us or no?"

Adam reluctantly shook his head as if ashamed. "Nah, only Jordan and Makayla are skating."

"That's great." You smiled, pushing yourself away from the barrier. "Get your skates on and we can start straight away. Show me what you got."

And with that, Makayla wasted no time in sitting down and getting her skates on, all the men surrounding her laughing at her hastiness.

*****

Jay's eyes were burning from how long and hard he'd been staring at the investigation board. The words were merging together and he could no longer recognise the faces as they all became one big blur.

He desperately needed sleep after being up all night, being called onto a scene just at the two of you got under the covers. It was now midday on a Saturday and everyone just began pouring in once Jay called them all that this was starting to become something serious.

Deciding to rest his eyes for a mere second to reduce the incessant twitching, he internally groaned when he heard the familiar sound of mixed laughter getting louder as they approached the bullpen.

"Oh, you look like hell Jay." Adam said, deciding to go straight for the jugular as he shrugged off his jacket.

"What's up dude? Looks like you've been through it." Kevin said with a bit more empathy, lightly patting the back of his shoulder as a sort of greeting before going towards his own desk.

Before Jay could respond with the most snarkiest remark anyone has ever heard in their life, he was rudely cut off by Kim whose face suddenly brightened, making him physically wince.

"Jay, why did you never tell us you had an Olympic gold medalist girlfriend?"

The bullpen was filled with pin drop silence.

"You have a girl? No way, since when?" Antonio said jokingly, smirking as he riled up the younger detective. "And an athlete? Never thought you had it in you."

"Hmm, thanks a lot Tonio." Jay rolled his eyes, blinking rapidly as he stood up and stretched his arms. "That actually reminds me..."

The officers and detective watch the green eyed man fumble with his wallet and pull out several bills, accidentally slamming it down with way too much force on Adam's desk.

"Y/N refuses your payment and insists all of the skating lessons are free." Jay said, shrugging his shoulders at the confused faces of Makayla's parents. "She also said something about sponsorship and coaching but I can't remember."

"It's official Jay." Adam said with the most serious face ever, begrudgingly taking and putting the money back into his own wallet.

"I like Y/N more than you."

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

Officer Down | J.H.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Summary: Jay takes a hit to the chest during a shootout and gives you quite the scare. Based on episode 6x2.

A/N: I finally wrote something!! (Shocking I know) it only took me 7 months but I’ve finally got a new fic for yall. I’m sorry for being so slow to write but the last 7 months have been ROUGH.

I’ve been wanting to write this fic forever and was finally inspired to finish it after rewatching the episode. I don’t really like how this turned out but that’s what happens after writers block I guess

Warnings: near death experiences, guns and shooting

Word Count: 637

-

This case had been difficult for the team, Jay getting hit his hardest with his dad being one of the victims on the fire. The longer the chase for the arsonist, the more you could see him spiraling. You expected it, all things considered. Jay may have said they didn’t have the best relationship, but it was still his father. What you didn’t expect was for Jay to disobey a direct order from Voight and go after the suspect on his own.

After you took his truck and two way, you thought he would be safe, far away from the action. So when you heard his call come in over the radio, your heart sank to your stomach.

“This is 5021 George. Emergency. Shots fired. Offender down, need an ambo. Lower Wacker and Columbus.”

As soon as you heard his location, you took off running, Kevin close behind. Rounding the corner, you saw Jay unmoving on the pavement, his side covered in blood.

“5021 Victor. Officer down. I repeat, officer down. Lower Wacker and Columbus. Get us an ambulance!” You rushed to Jay’s side, leaving Kevin to take care of the offender.

You tried to stay calm as you ripped open his shirt, panic threatening to override your training. You could see he was bleeding from his side, but you couldn’t tell what the damage was from the other bullets.

“Jay? Hey, talk to me.” Your voice wavered.

Jay was breathing heavily, looking at you with wide eyes. You pulled his vest away from his body, feeling under it for the bullet.

“It didn’t go through. It didn’t go through.” You pressed on the wound at his side with shaky hands. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s okay. Just breathe.”

-

You watched intently as the paramedics patched up Jay in the back of the ambulance. There were officers all around you, blocking off the scene and questioning the other members of the team, but you tuned it all out.

Once the paramedics were done treating him and he had gotten a thorough scolding from Voight, you made your way over.

“Hey.” You took a seat next to him. “You gonna be okay?”

Jay looked at you sheepishly. “Yeah, I’m okay. No serious damage, just a few stitches and some major bruising.”

“Good.”

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I just couldn’t stop myself.” He said quietly.

You nodded lightly, giving him a small smile and patting his leg gently. “I know.”

The paramedic came back over and you used the interruption to excuse yourself. You could feel the aftermath of the situation setting in and you needed to get away from the scene.

You heard footsteps behind you and Kevin appeared at your side. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yep, I’m good. I’m fine.” You replied, unable to keep the emotion out of your voice.

Kevin put a hand on your arm, slowing you down and turning you towards him. “Woah, woah.” You couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in your eyes as you met his gaze. “Yeah, that’s the adrenaline wearing off. It’s okay.”

“I thought he was dead.” You choked out the words.

Kevin put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close. “So did I.”

As the two of you made it back to the cars, he brought you in for a hug. You gripped his shirt tightly, embarrassed by your crying, but soaking in the comfort after the emotions of the past hour. You knew out of anyone, Kevin would never judge you for being human.

“I gotcha.” He rubbed your back comfortingly. “C’mon, Sarge said we’re done for the day. Jay’s in good hands. I’ll drive you home.”

You spared one last glance back towards Jay as you got into the car, only to find him looking right at you, his face etched with concern.

-

Writing Masterlist

[hiest-4738]

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SM SHORT SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SM SHORT SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SM SHORT PLEASE GO WATCH IT ITS ONLY LIKE 2 MINS OF AMAZING STUFF

My review of Kevin's Dream Job

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY OMG

It doesn't even look like the same town and all that changed was the time of day

AAAAAA DA BABIES LOOK AT DEM, THEYR EVEN LITTOLER AND THEIR COSTUMES AAAA

HIS HAIR IS JUST LIKE HIS FATHER'S AUGH I CANTTTT

THE POOR BABY NOOOO

Pump looks so adorable omg HIS HAIR IS SO. FUZZY UHYGFVHBKJN ...also are there any implications to his star-eyes or am i overthinking Okay the ending. I have a LOT to say about the ENDING The whole thing is giving me vibes of TADC's "Your New Home", I wonder if somebody could slow down the footage and like. see how it looks with that okay ANYWAYS THE IMPORTANT NEW STUFF-

cat invasion

SKID HELPING A CAT UP. PUMP SLEEPING LIKE A C A T DAWWWHUYBJHUYG

Also is it just me or is the kitten next to Pump the cat that Dexter almost killed in ep 4

They look the same

I really wanna know HOW this happened, like. my word

I wonder what actually happened to kevin during this scene. we heard the roar so maybe he got hypnotized but we never SAW it

HELP ofc they'd summon a demon in the middle of a public store

There's the fake blood he mentioned in ep 5!

spookiest robbery ever

EP 7 PREVIEW WOOOOOOO OVERANALYZING TIME winter clothing, this is in december roy's doing smth stupid and making them go somewhere again maybe? probably to the woods??

susie isnt happy ofc, its nice to see her stand up for her lil bro

everybody but roy goes after them, and then the parents get all worried and angry and that gets the police involved

During this scene, trees have been somehow growing inside the store, RAPIDLY. AND THEY HAVE EYES. i have no idea whats going on but HELL am i excited!

beep actual canonical bf appearance in sm les goooo!!!

EPISODE 8 TEASE THE FREAKIN SPIDER I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT I KNEW IT WOULD HAVE AN EPISODE I K N E W I T

the babies look so adorable wrapped up oh my god look at em!!

...well this is concerning. KEVIN PLS DONT DIE-

...excuse me w h a t /ref SKIDS DAD IS ALIVE?? HOW IS THIS MAN ALIVE WHAT WHAT KIND OF. SORCERYISTHISHUDSLIDHSYGFSG

what the. oh god this is for the series finale isnt it oh god if this ends on some world-ending situation like this holy freaking CRAP im worried as hell but also EXTREMELY excited-

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #8

"The Wellsington Hotellsington"

I'm glad Hazel's parents seem chill. They're not strict about "No sleepovers" or anything. They seem more involved than Timmy's (and holy cow, they're better at interactions with their daughter than Chloe's were with her).

Yeah, it's not like I ever doubted (because I loved Chloe's mental breakdown drama), but this and the dino episode are really cementing just how bad Clark and Connie were with parenting, sdkfj.

If Chloe tried to play with her parents at the museum, they'd totally shut down her giddiness and drag her into a lesson on naming or drawing dinosaurs. She'd seem hyped, but... Timmy would know. Timmy always knew.

I miss Timmy "will stay with you for an hour while you have a total breakdown" Turner... I miss the fairy step-siblings. Where's my boy?

... That is actually really interesting that I can't give Hazel a 50-years-of-frozen-time backstory. With Chloe, she blatantly raised herself on Fair Bears and I had a lot of other characters who got their lives screwed up by failing to emotionally mature or physically progress... but Hazel missed all that, so she's got Regular Childhood. And barring what I just said, I'm usually writing Fae in 'fics that span hundreds of thousands of years. Having such a limited timeframe to work with is... a new experience for me here.

Whyyyyy did Hazel and Jasmine not know who Wynn (sp?) is if they've been in the same class for weeks? (Hazel's over 100 wishes and mentioned weeks had passed during "Teacher's Pal"). Does this kid not talk to them? I thought they sat near Hazel, by the door? I'm pretty sure if I go back and look, this kid is 1 or 2 desks to her right.

Dev, don't you have better things to do than stalk Hazel and eavesdrop? This kid has issues. Tell me more.

I'm really glad we have a Dimmadome bully and not a Buxaplenty bully. Fingers crossed that Remy broke the abuse cycle, and also... the Dimmadomes are 100% known for butting into everything. I complained that he shouldn't stalk, but... he's a Dimmadome. Of course he's wandering around waiting for his chance to jump in for a line and brag about stuff.

"Hazard" is a very funny nickname for Hazel. Dev should keep calling her that.

This kid has insecurity issues about... his house? And/or being outclassed, but it's the house that seems to ruffle his feathers. The one thing Dimmadomes are known for is their big buildings. Hmm. Something's going on here...

I was going to make a joke about how Jasmine apparently didn't come over to Hazel's house despite their plans to play together, but Jasmine made it for me. Apparently she HAS been over and is sus. sdflkj.

Wynn is super nice. Hazel is being a creep sdkf.

Whoops, so much for the roof garden. Also, I like how the founder picture for the hotel is just Hazel in disguise.

His parents aren't at his party, huh? I see where this is going...

Either this kid's got a fairy - but he doesn't have brightly colored items or pets we've seen - or something is keeping him riding the border without tipping into miserable. We never got a canon reason why Tootie didn't have a fairy, though it's implied she can't keep her mouth shut and would endanger Fairy World. I wonder if those recording devices following him around are getting in the way, although that's probably not likely.

OR he's lost a fairy (similar to Remy gambling Juandissimo away), which would be hilarious. Imagine him getting a fairy and he's like "I don't want this. I have money."

I'm thinking he's got enough of his heart set in his pride and his things that he's finding enough joy to keep afloat, but I'm keeping an eye on him. Now that I'm thinking about it, Kevin Crocker with a fairy would've been funny. Then again, I kind of gave him Foop as a buddy... and even though he's the deadest kid inside, he was still pretty cheery.

Dev, however, does NOT give me cheery vibes. I'm sus.

Actually, I do not trust Fairy World to be functioning the same way it did in the old days, considering that enough time has passed for Cosmo and Wanda to retire and Jorgen to notably age. There WAS a fairy shortage in Season 10 - and so few Fairies left by Season 7 that they couldn't even fill the stadium when Timmy summoned them - so... hmm. Is he getting Cookie, who was actively looking for a godkid a few episodes ago?

If Fairy World's still under the same protocol it used to be, Jorgen's the only Temporary Fairy on-call, and we HAVE seen him introduced. Hmm...

I'm wondering if this is gonna be a Juandissimo comeback? He's got experience with rich kids, he IS a notable fairy from the early seasons (all the seasons), and he even loves bratty kids who don't listen to him to the point that he couldn't hold a job after losing Remy (because he was crying too much) and ended up defying Da Rules to return Remy's memories. Now that Wanda and Cosmo are so friendly in this portrayal, it could be really interesting to throw him in the mix again.

I liked when Cosmo showed him the "guest room" in "Jerk of All Trades" and then threw him in the freezer. Give me more of that.

This would be very unlikely since it's literally a deleted part of an early script, but... do I dare dream we see the return of "Juandissimo is terrified of only one person and it's Cosmo, whom he refers to as Wanda's cunning and calculating warrior husband?" That would be great! My dream. :)

I like how Cosmo in the OG series tolerated Juandissimo, claiming that he would tell him to stop flirting with Wanda, but he won't because he likes eating Juandissimo's food too much. 10/10 dynamic. It's so underrated; Cosmo's hilarious.

I'm loving early-vibe Cosmo and Wanda... do I DARE dream of a return with early-vibe Juandissimo? My super kind and polite boy who gets invited to at least 4 parties at Timmy's house, makes a point of letting Wanda talk to Cosmo before she makes decisions involving them alone in a room, and runs away at top speed when he clocks Wanda as not being able to consent to hanging out with him (because Cupid's love arrow?) Seasons 1-7 Juandissimo, my beloved... :')

I miss him.

My vague understanding is that this show is ongoing, probably multiple seasons if it does well, so I don't think they're wrapping it up at the end of Season 1... but if they did, I could definitely see a "Hazel gives her blessing for Cosmo and Wanda to go to Dev" plot, which would be an interesting direction (since we never got that kind of closure with Timmy and I doubt they'd do a share program plot twice).

It's kind of a shame we didn't get a separate reboot with the share program- That might've been better received than Season 10. Sparky could've been a shared fairy. Alas.

Okay, the chandelier in the helicopter being an inconvenience is a nice touch.

I'm dead (So are the animals).

Mmmm, the classmates are dunking on Dev for being "not cool." He's not even liked? Seriously, someone call Juandissimo- This kid is catnip for him.

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐇𝐎 ꒱ 손영재

summary : you broke with eric a long time ago, and you thought you were over him until you saw him with another girl

genre : angst, eric x afab!reader, non-idol!au, bestfreind!chanhee, for plot purposes everyone mentioned is around the same ages of 23-25 tws : language, mentions of sex, depressive episode author notes : no happy endings with me ♡ word count : 2.3k

“chanhee, i didn’t even want to come.”

“well, neither did i, y/n, but kevin said he’d send his attack-snake out on me. and i don’t want to find out what that even means.”

“huh,” you said, shoulders motioning with your voice, “kinky.”

"of course you'd think that," your best friend of a couple years (but felt like a million, in a good way) started, rolling his sharp eyes, "you haven't fucked in —"

"alright!" you stopped him, taking the creese of his elbow, "i get it, i'm lonely. damn, what about you though, king? when was your last relationship? because if i'm remembering correctly, it ended before eri —"

"y/n!" running up to the pair of you was the host, a bright and inviting smile plastering his face. although, you weren't sure why you kept walking around like a knife was lodged between your shoulder blades still. "i'm so glad you could make it!" because the moment you saw a familiar stranger, a brunette clinging to his strong arm with a green cocktail between her manicured fingers, your heart suddenly was on the floor.

you don't know why the scene of the liquid covering her perfectly blown-out hair flashed through your head. or why you could imagine the little christmas tree decoration in it scratching the top of her mouth until it stung when she would talk. you could hear her musically-tuned laugh ring through the air at a joke you couldn't imagine was that funny.

"what the hell am i, chopped liver?" chanhee joked, oblivious to what you spaced out on, "you only wanted me to come because you knew i'd bring along my emotional support fish."

it seemed you were always on a one-way street you just couldn't turn off of, because no matter how many potholes you hit, you keep driving; and if your tires popped, you weren't sure the car would stop.

you shouldn't be allowed to be appalled by the sight of your ex having moved on, simply because you broke it off when he wanted to make it work. you dropped his heart when he let you hold it. and when he should've played his cards close to his chest, he let you join his team just to fold. you were making the ship sink, so how could you have the audacity to be mad when he jumped from it while you went down?

he loved you, but at the time you weren't sure what you wanted. sure, you blamed it on being 19, but it was because you were scared to commit to someone so committed to you. you didn't want to be, selfishly, tied down to one person — and now that you've purged it from you system, you, selfishly, wanted the same commitment he had given you 5 years ago.

now you stood in the foyer, two different faces from those kids, attached to another man, thinking about if he looked over, would he get the wrong idea? would it make him as jealous as you felt?

you've loved, had loss and even forgot it. but faced with the void you could never fill was more debilitating than you cared to admit. you wanted to be two ‘i miss you's’ that just needed a push, but evidently only one of you felt that way, as the other was happily coupled up during cuffing season. but then again, you had no right after half a decade to think like that.

you just had to be brave and pretend like it doesn't bother you. you can do that. you can do a lot... right?

chanhee rammed into your side, his desperate attempt to get you back down on earth, instead of inside your never-not-on brain. "did you even hear what kevin just said?" he asked, and you looked to said man, "he said the bands getting back together." your bestfriend made a joke, which did cause you to loosen up and laugh. you thought that as long as he was there, you'd inevitably be okay.

"well not exactly, a couple people couldn't make it — which is fine, but most of our old friend group is here." kevin explained, lacing your free arm with his so you were sandwiched between the two of them. "it seems like you and chanhee were the only ones who really hung out like we all used to."

you reminisced the old times for a second. you remembered when your name was connected with eric's, when you hung out like old times with them and him. you remembered the stupid parties kevin's frat would throw freshman year, that eric would drag you to, just for you and him to have a great time. you remembered when you'd have quiet study sessions with jacob and younghoon in the school's library, or juhaknyeon and sunwoo's soccer games. it made you feel a little messy, because after you and him broke up, it's like you broke up with them all. you habitually stopped hanging out, only being dragged by chanhee who was attached to you since first introduction.

you actually owe your level-headedness all to him. he's the person who convinced you that you didn't need to have a run-of-the-mill to finally find something good. he's also unfortunately the reason you remember eric like it was yesterday, even if you don't front like it. you knew you had someone so devoted to you, yet you let him go and now you had the audacity to feel bad about it.

"well, is sunwoo coming?" you asked, which earned a nod from kevin, "and what about younghoon and juyeon?"

"juyeon got a girlfriend!" chanhee exclaimed excitedly, his voice lowering when sangyeon's attention was caught on the three of you, "like last month."

the oldest of your friend's face lit up, "y/n!" he said, making you force a smile though you were cringing; because just a couple feet away was the love of your adolescence, with the presumable love of his.

standing next to him was hyunjae, "how've you been, oh my gosh, it's been like years hasn't it?" you voiced, bringing him in for a hug, which he reciprocated before you moved to sangyeon to repeat the process. it had been years since you've last spoken to them other than a happy birthday or congratulations once in a blue moon — you honestly wouldn't be surprised if their numbers had changed and you'd been texting a random person.

"good, good," hyunjae replied, sipping a bright red cocktail, "i actually just finished my business degree, thinking of either opening my own or investing in some else's."

"and I just got engaged, though she wasn't able to make it here tonight — ceo stuff — she's getting ready to go international after fully getting elected as the heir."

you couldn't help but compare, sure you had your teaching license, but it wasn't as impressive as either one of them.

they were making it hard to believe that the world was spinning too fast, and that you weren't stuck watching the same film over and over again.

chanhee began talking in your place, forcing you down into the barstool between them all. kevin went over to younghoon and juyeon who had just made their way through the door: a synthetic blonde attached juyeon's arm.

"what's her name?" you blurted, the three boys looking down at you, "she's pretty."

hyunjae was nonchalant, pretending he didn't know exactly what you actually meant. however, sangyeon replied awkwardly, "w-who? kim minyeon? or jang nari?"

"juyeon's girlfriend, n-not eric's."

"o-oh! that's minyeon."

nari. the feminine name meaning lily; new beginnings and rebirth. just fucking perfect, wasn't it? pretty, perfect and delicate, just like the flower.

you sighed and excused yourself, disguising it as having to use the bathroom. in honesty, you weren't sure how much more torcher you could take, and it's barely been twenty minutes. you thought you'd be fine, as long as chanhee stayed by your side, but the longer you watched the pair through your peripherals, the more you just ached.

you cared more than you'd like to have admitted. and the worst part is you had no one to blame — to be mad at — because everyone had rightfully assumed you both were over it.

like you were supposed to be.

it was pathetic, the way you stared yourself down in the mirror. you found yourself resembling someone you've never met, or maybe someone you had just forgotten in all the growing pains. nevertheless, you found yourself disgusted by the fact that you were disgracing your mother's eyes, father's nose, and sister's cheekbones with the self-pity. there was nothing more selfish than crashing someone else's party with one of your own.

so you choked the tears back, the lump in your throat making it hard to breathe. you took a powder from the purse slung over your shoulder and fixed your creasing makeup. you reapplied a red lipstick, fixing your hair and outfit. you thought that if you couldn't have him, maybe you could make it wish he had you instead — god, you were letting the delusions look too good under the fluorescent light.

however, you stooped lower than throwing a pity party. you exited the bathroom with part of your dignity still intact, but the moment you sat against the plush-cushioned bench against the wall your phone was illuminated with pictures of the pretty brunette.

you couldn't get yourself to stop once you typed her name out. it's like you were boarding the gossip train all the way back in high school.

you scrolled like you were obsessed, brain blanking out everything around you. you saw her go through a cherry red hair phase sometime in 2022. you found out that her and eric had taken a vacation to hawaii back in 2021, multiple bikini pictures and perfectly sculpted bodies clinging together like models being the tell. you scrolled farther back, dead-set on finding the first picture she ever posted of him… that must've been close to when they met.

why do you even care? you know he was too caught up following you around like a puppy to even believe that he would entertain someone other than you. so, why were you obsessed? maybe you needed a reason to be mad at him. maybe you needed an excuse to shift the blame.

maybe it's everything you needed that he could live without —

"i didn't meet her that far back, y/n. we were still dating then."

your eyes shut, finger hitting the power button. you took a moment, hoping that it was just your cruel subconscious playing tricks with reality. "didn't think you'd cared that much," he took a seat on the complete opposite end of the bench, "it's been five years... and honestly i didn't think you cared back then either."

you were too embarrassed to say anything. and frankly, you didn't know what to reply with. i'm sorry? i did care about you, but just not enough? nothing seemed to suffice.

"i met nari at work. she treats me —"

your vision was blurring over, but you couldn't find the courage to get up and walk away. you were just so damn pathetic, weren't you? you just thought that everything in this world belonged to you, peaking your freshman year of college in comparison to the people who still innocently call you a friend.

"better?"

"different, y/n. she's different than you."

you sighed, "that doesn't make it bet — i mean, it doesn't matter, eric. i'm sorry, i was just curious after not seeing you for so long." your eyes opened, but the scene was blurred over, almost like it was torrentially pouring while driving late at night. there were questions flashing behind your eyelids every time you tried to blink the tears away. you thought that you couldn't stoop lower, but for the past couple minutes you've done nothing but prove it wrong. "i'm so-sorry, i'm just gonna go."

you got to your feet, but his voice made you stop dead in your tracks.

"w-why does it bother you so much?"

you honestly felt like your heart was re-shattering, joining the dust on the floor at your feet. you thought the question would join the heaps of pathetic things you've said and done tonight.

you turned around, phone clenched between your fist. eric was still sat, dark hair styled so nicely you almost thought that it wasn't him — but her — outfit a matching shade to the dress you saw hugging her figure gracefully.

"do you honestly think i didn't care about you?" you asked, to which he raised his head at an alarming pace, "it's true, i know i fucked it up, eric, okay? i know what i did to you and i'm sorry. i-i'm sorry i waited so long to tell you that." clearing the air didn't feel like closure at all. the tears in his eyes didn't feel like hatred at all. and maybe he didn't mean it. maybe he only told himself that because you did break his heart so bad, still holding pieces he's afraid he'll never get back. "you can think whatever you want, hate me even, but please don't think for a second i didn't love you back then. i was naive and made a mistake, but it's too late to take it back. believe me, i've thought about it. but i always fucking cared about you, okay?"

you found it oddly satisfying, though knowing in the back of your head that he would curse you for saying these things while he's happily coupled up, you didn't regret it.

"i'll forever be sorry, so don't hold it over my head."

"i believed you didn't care about me... back when we were nineteen." he replied after a long pause, "but i haven't believe that for a long time. y/n, i've forgiven you."

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

— perm tag list .ᐟ send an ask to be added c:

[apples-and-heartbreak]

I feel like when I’m reading or watching something, for me to like a hero, they have to

1) have ambition about anything

2) not be annoying

3) not excuse their shitty behaviour with their shitty childhood

4) not be so self-righteous they don’t see their own flaws

For these reasons I hate with a burning passion Jace Herondale, Clary Fairchild, Eli Ever, Tiberius “Cal” Calore VIII, Dean Winchester, and Legend/Dante Santos

Jace is constantly doing something shitty in every book and people don’t care and they just put up with it for some reason. In CoG he belittles Clary because he wants to push her away but keeps coming back to her. He also keeps coming onto Clary when he thought she was his sister and said that cursed sentence in CoG that I need to bleach from my brain. I know if he said that shit to me I would’ve punched him in his stupid face cuz who does he think he is? He mocks the werewolves after they lost a child in their pack, he’s just awful to Alec at times, he doesn’t seem to understand there are consequences to his actions and just does shit because he wants to. He had the emotional maturity of a dried up pinecone.

Clary also does so much shit and people don’t call her out because she’s the protagonist and she just lets Jace do whatever to her because he’s hot. Girl please get a grip. She slut shames Izzy because apparently women aren’t allowed to have a sex life or wear revealing clothing 😒 girl you kissed someone you thought was YOUR BROTHER!! She dated Simon to get over Jace and then kissed Jace in the Seelie Court, and repeatedly thought about Jace in a romantic sense WHILE she thought they were SIBLINGS! I can’t.

Eli is so self-righteous, annoying and hypocritical. He uses God and religion as an excuse to kill innocent people which is just disgusting. Like I get that he thinks being an EO changed a person because Victor became different but he is an EO himself and he just takes it on himself to murder innocent people for simply existing.

Cal has no desire to do anything, at least up to the beginning of King’s Cage he doesn’t (where I currently am). He knows how poorly the Reds are being treated and he doesn’t want to change anything because (and I’m paraphrasing) there would be outrage among the Silvers and a war would break out. Bitch you are already at war! He’s the reason why so many innocent young Reds have lost their lives fighting in a war they have no say in. He sees the Scarlet Guard killing Silvers and he doesn’t try to stop them. He sulks and whines but doesn’t take any real action, which he could if he actually wanted to. He stalks around the camp like Mare’s dog and thinks he’s better than everyone.

Dean Winchester is an abusive asshole. He locked Sam in the cellar when he was addicted to demon blood when he knew the withdrawal could kill him. He shit on Sam for being manipulated. He’s made horrible perverted jokes about women, might I remind y’all of the high school episode (he was at least 26 at the time). He guilted Sam for leaving him in Hell and Purgatory when he did THE EXACT SAME THING when Same went to the cage. He threatened Kaia, a teenager at gun point for his own selfish purposes. He abused Jack til the very end, yelling that he wasn’t family when Jack had sacrificed his soul and life for the Winchesters, and made Jack hate himself for being born. He was shitty to Cas in so many seasons and didn’t care that Cas just went through seeing his son die and wasn’t able to save him. He violated Sam’s body by tricking him into letting Gadreel in which led to the death of Kevin and had the audacity to think he was wronged.

Dante is shit. Julian, his brother, lived with him for centuries, followed him wherever he went and loved him unconditionally. All Julian asked was for Dante to love him back, which he never did. When Julian finally found someone who loved him, Dante made fun of him. And then in the next book he gives up his immortality for Tella, a girl he has known for literal months at most. He didn’t love his brother, who has been with him since the beginning, enough to give up his immortality but he loved this random girl he has known for a couple months at most to give it all up?? Tella should’ve left him in the dust just like she did Jacks and went off on adventures by herself and met someone that wasn’t a twat.

[cowboyemeritus]

Il Suo Campione (Copia/Reader)

Chapter Five

Series Masterlist

Summary: You sit in on an Emeritus Family business meeting.

Content Warnings: organized crime, prostitution, very vague references to sex trafficking

Read on AO3

Notes: hey! thank you all for sticking around. this is going to be a two-parter — i had more planned out for this "episode" but before I knew it this chapter was already at 3k words. i would like the next few chapters to be more episodic, which means they'll probably be longer, but it's been a while since i've updated this story and i wanted to have something for you all sooner rather than later.

feedback is always welcome — enjoy! :)

It’s a rare Friday night when neither of you are working. Mary lounges on the beat-up couch with a beer in hand, a slasher flick he’s seen a million times playing on the television. You’re in the kitchen hovering over a pot of sugar water, waiting impatiently for it to cool so you can refill the hummingbird feeder. Other than the screaming coming from the living room, it’s an unusually peaceful evening.

The phone rings. Neither of you move. It rings again. Still nothing. You count five bursts of sound before Mary, with a loud, agitated groan, sets his drink down and goes to pick it up. It’s a well established fact that between the two of you, he gets pretty much all of the calls, so answering the phone is his responsibility. That doesn’t stop him from glaring at you as he trudges into the kitchen, picking up the receiver from where it hangs on the wall.

“Howdy.” Mary’s face immediately twists, like he’s sucking on a lemon, when the person on the other end begins speaking. “Yeah, she’s right here.” He holds out the receiver, a severe look on his face. “It’s for you.” Confused, you shuffle over and take it from him, holding it up to your ear. With a grunt, Mary goes back to the couch.

“Hello?”

“Dolcezza!” Copia’s voice is so loud you cringe, moving the phone a few inches away from your head. “How are you?”

This is already weird. It’s been a little over a week since your last encounter with your handler. Normally, he arranges for fights every three or four. You’re still battered and bruised from your last bout, in what he would normally call “no shape” to perform.

“Is there a fight,” you ask. From the couch, Mary turns his head in your direction, already concerned. Copia chuckles.

“No, no, no. I thought that maybe I could take you out tonight.”

What?

“Dolcezza?”

“I don’t know.”

“It will be fun,” he pleads, sounding more like a petulant child than the man you know. “My treat, of course. There are some people I would like for you to meet.”

“Please don’t make me.”

There’s a pause. He sighs. “Cara, this is important. It would mean a lot to me if you came.” You can hear the puppy-eyes through the phone.

God fucking dammit.

“Okay,” you mumble, regretting it the second the words leave your mouth. “Do I need to — I dunno — dress up or anything?” You own very few clothes other than your sweats, a pair of jeans for work, and an assortment of ratty, old t-shirts, mostly hand-me-downs from Mary. The last time you looked at yourself in the mirror, the bruising under your eyes still hadn’t cleared either. Knowing Copia, that won’t cut it at whatever place he has in mind.

“I have made arrangements for that. Kevin is on his way to pick you up. He should be there soon. ”

Then what was the point of asking? “Alright.” You cover the receiver with your hand so he doesn’t hear you sigh. “See you soon.”

“Stupendo! I will see you soon, bella.” You promptly hang up, glancing over at Mary. He looks more curious than anything now.

“Booty call?”

The Pinnacle is really the only legitimate business the Emeritus Family operates. It’s more-or-less your average, high-end gentleman’s club, nothing to really bat an eye at. As the car pulls into the parking lot, bathing the cab in neon purple light, your skin prickles, a tightness forming in your chest.

You weren’t expecting Copia to take you to a strip joint.

“Here we are,” he says. You sit there, motionless, as he steps out of the old Buick, rounding around the front to open your door. He extends a hand and, because you know it’s too late to turn back, you take it. The night is misty with a slight drizzle, so he tries to get you inside as fast he can. It’s a challenge; Copia has provisioned you with a pair of heels and though they’re short, you’ve never worn anything like that before. The test laps you took around his living room were clearly not enough, and there are several points on your way to the entrance when you nearly twist your ankle. 

There’s a line of men waiting to get into the club. You get a few looks, some confused and some intrigued, and instinctively pull down the hem of your silky black dress when you hear a snicker. Copia leads you right to the door, bypassing the line entirely. Two large men are stationed at the entrance, one checking IDs and the other collecting cover fees. When they see Copia, they let the two of you through without a hassle. He nods at each of them as you pass by.

“Alpha, Omega.”

The door opens, and you’re immediately hit by booming music. The inside of the club is dimly lit, illuminated by more purple lights. You obverse that there are two bars on opposite ends of this main room and there are two levels of seating, booths lining the top with tables and chairs organized around the stage. A thin woman with short, silvery hair spins around the pole as the audience whistles and hollers. It takes you a moment to realize she’s completely topless, and you whip your head in the other direction, feeling embarrassed. The wall closest to you features a collage. Looking closer, it appears to be a collection of stills taken from CCTV footage, displaying the faces of various men. Plastered above it is a sign that reads “WALL OF SHAME” in dainty handwriting. The pictures are blurry, but to your surprise, you recognize a few of the faces.

Small world.

Still holding your hand, Copia leads you through the crowd. You stare at the ground as you walk, avoiding looking at the stage like the sight could turn you to stone. The journey ends at an innocuous door labeled “EMPLOYEES ONLY” by the further bar. Copia scans your surroundings once, twice, before opening it, revealing a poorly lit staircase. The room at the bottom is just as dark as the rest of the place.

“Welcome to The Pit, cara,” Copia says quietly. He holds the door open, gesturing for you to start descending the stairs. Though hesitant, you obey, grasping onto the railing for dear life as you take your first few steps into the dark. He follows close behind, at one point grabbing your arm when you misstep, steadying you. At the bottom seems to be a private lounge, much smaller than the hall upstairs. Several couches and chairs, all opulent velvet and leather, furnish the space. Occupying them is a mix of clients, men of a variety of ages but all clearly Emeritus associates, and a few of the entertainers, all exquisitely beautiful women in various stages of undress. There’s another, smaller bar and a long hallway off to your immediate left. It smells heavily of cigarettes and weed. Copia receives several waves and shouted greetings when he enters the room. You largely go unnoticed, which you’re thankful for.

“This way.” With a gentle hand on your back, Copia ushers you down the hall. There are multiple doors on each side, with one at the very end. Only one of the side rooms has light coming from under the door. As you walk by it, you pick up on the sound of creaking, punctuated by moaning. It’s only then that you realize what this place truly is. Unnerved, you peek over your shoulder at Copia. If he heard it the noise, he doesn’t acknowledge it, looking forwards to the end of the hall. That knot in your chest gets even tighter.

“There are some people I would like for you to meet.”

It feels like the door is coming to meet you instead of the other way around. Copia reaches over your shoulder to knock, then has you shuffle awkwardly out of the way as he turns the knob. The room beyond appears to be an office. There’s a desk by the far wall, although the space is dominated by a set of parallel couches with an antique coffee table between them. Two older gentlemen are seated across from each other. One of them has wispy white hair and deep-set wrinkles. The other is bald with an aquiline nose, pronounced frown lines, and a pencil-thin mustache. They both have the Emeritus eye, burning like white-hot stars in the dimly lit room.

“Fratellino,” the older-looking man says, smiling pleasantly. It takes him a moment to stand up, his joints creaking audibly as he does so. He takes a few shuffled steps over to the door, pulling Copia in for a hug. The bald man follows him, but is more reserved in his affection, giving him a quick pat on the back. When their attention turns to you, his face remains neutral, but there’s gleam of… something in his eyes. “And who is this lovely young lady?” Copia tells them your name.

“Dolcezza, my brothers.” He gestures to the older one. “Primo.” The man takes your hand and gives it a firm shake. “And Secondo.” From him you receive a nod.

You know a little bit about Copia’s family, mostly from offhanded comments he’s made in the past. Now you can put faces to names. He’s the youngest of four half-brothers, all Nihil’s sons from different mothers. From an early age he had groomed them to join the family business in the hopes that at least one of them would be competent enough to someday take his place. Whether that’s true or not remains to be seen. Primo, you know, is responsible for the procurement and distribution of various illicit substances. Secondo takes part in this to some extent, but the impression you got from Copia is that he handles the more… unsavory aspects of the business.

“Human resources,” he had once said jokingly.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you mumble, still on edge. Primo beckons you both inside and motions for you to take a seat. You end up on one of the couches, sitting between Copia and his oldest brother, who make small talk for the next several minutes. Though you keep your gaze directed down at the coffee table, you can feel Secondo’s eyes on you from the opposite couch.

“We do not usually allow visitors to sit in on our meetings,” he says during a lull in the conversation. Something about his voice adds to your uneasiness, although you can’t tell why. “What makes you think you can bring your whores around unannounced?” You’re not a fan of that at all, whipping your head up to meet his piercing gaze. Copia winces, giving you an apologetic look.

“Try to be polite,” he begs. “This is a… business partner of mine.” Somehow, you like being called that even less. “Where is Terzo?”

Secondo shrugs. “Knowing that asshole? Probably dead in a ditch somewhere.” As if on cue, the office door flies open. In strides a man with raven black hair and a strong, square jaw. He’s holding two stemmed glasses in each hand, a bottle of wine tucked under one arm.

“Gentlemen.” His voice has a raspy quality to it, like he has a horrible case of laryngitis. He approaches the sitting area, swaying a barely-perceptible amount as he does so. The three brothers share a look when he stumbles into the coffee table, but none of them say anything. It’s not until he flops down on the couch next to Secondo, having deposited his precious cargo on the table, that he notices you. He quirks an eyebrow. 

“I did not realize we had a guest. Forgive me, bella; if I had known, I would have brought another glass for you.” He reaches over the coffee table, offering his hand. You take it, expecting a handshake, but he instead brings it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. For a split second, his gaze wanders across the scars that adorn them, before flicking back up to you. “Terzo Emeritus,” he purrs, an intrigued look in his eyes. “I am the proprietor of this establishment.” Next to him, Secondo grunts.

“Let us get on with this,” he says, looking to Copia. “You called this meeting. Now tell us about this ‘proposal’ of yours.” All eyes are now on your handler. For the first time since you’ve met him, he actually looks nervous.

“Yes, well.” He swallows, placing a hand on your knee. “I am looking to expand my operation. Our client base is growing; they want more fights, more often. That is hard to arrange, though. The biggest issue is usually the venue. We find the space most of the time; warehouses, old gyms, et cetera.” Terzo already looks bored. “But we cater to a more, eh, refined audience. They like nice things.” It doesn’t look like he’s getting his point across. “What I am saying is that I would like to start by adding some classier venues to the rotation. I think The Pinnacle would be perfect.”

The image of you up on that stage, knocking the lights out of another girl while men throw dollar bills at you, briefly flashes through your mind. You get a queasy feeling.

Terzo laughs out loud, adjusting the scarf tied tightly around his neck. “You cannot be serious, fratellino. Why would I give up my club for your silly games? Do you know what that would do to our revenue stream? I have to make sure my girls are paid, you know.”

Does that include the ones down here?

“I know what you are thinking,” Copia says, learning forward to look at his brother. He’s got an intense look on his face. “But I am not asking for a whole lot. One night, every few weeks. You could have the bar open. Your girls could work before and after the fight. And you charge, what? Ten dollars per person to get in?”

“Fifteen,” Terzo spits.

“That is chump change.” Copia reaches into his jacket and pulls out a folded piece of paper, handing it to Terzo. “Copied from Psaltarian’s books. In case you remain unconvinced.” The third Emeritus brother unfolds the paper, his eyes widening as he reads whatever is written on it. He passes it to Secondo, who raises his eyebrows and gives Copia a mildly bemused look. The paper travels once more, this time to Primo.

“Well,” he says, handing it back before you can see it. “That is certainly something.” Copia’s posture straightens, vindicated.

“I still have my doubts, though,” Terzo interjects. The grip on your knee tightens. “Those numbers are impressive, yes, but what makes you think you can pull in enough people to make this whole endeavor worth it? I am not handing over my establishment so that a handful of horny men can watch some girls beat each other up.” He looks at you, pityingly. “Mi dispiace, signorina. I am sure you are quite an athlete.” He’s perceptive. Copia perks back up at this.

“That is why I wanted you to meet her.” You look at him, confused and nervous for what he might say next. “She is a remarkable fighter, una demionetta. Dozens of people come to watch her, and that number is only increasing.” He sighs. “Nihil does not understand, but I thought you all might. If you were to see her in her element, you would get why I think she — why this — is worth investing in.”

You feel like Copia has just dropped a bomb in your lap.

Four pairs of green and white eyes are now focused on you, clearly expecting you to say something. “I, uh.” You swallow. “Yeah, I guess.” Your face is burning, pulse racing.

“What do you say, gentlemen?” There’s a long pause. Terzo is first to break the silence.

“You know how I despise violence, fratellino.” He chuffs. “But if you are serious about this, I would be willing to see what this ‘demionetta’ of yours can do, provided everyone else is on board.” The attention of the room turns to Secondo, who has been sitting quietly with his arms crossed.

“Fine,” he grunts. “But it had better be worth my time.” His eyes bore into you as he says it.

“I will pass,” Primo says. “But I can tell that this young lady is indeed formidable. Copia, you are right in that we must expand our holdings if we wish to compete with the other Families. They have been making trouble for us already; incoming shipments have been going missing recently.”

“The Giordanos, I suspect,” Secondo states. “Sons of bitches…”

“Bloodsports it is, then!” Terzo exclaims, throwing his hands up in front of him. “This calls for a toast.” He rises on steadier feet than before, rounding around the desk to rummage through a drawer. Copia is busy looking at you with a reassuring, proud smile when his brother pulls out a bottle-opener, tossing it in his direction. The device hits him in the back of the head. You can’t help but feel it’s justified. Copia glares at him before turning his attention to uncorking the wine bottle on the table. You watch as Terzo opens another drawer, pulling out a liquor glass and another bottle filled with a green liquid. From a carafe on the desk he pours a small amount of water into the glass before unscrewing the top of the bottle and adding a generous pour of what you presume is absinthe. It’s Mary’s drink of choice when he’s songwriting, but he normally adds more water and a sugar cube.

Beverage in hand, Terzo returns to the couch as Copia pours out equal measures of wine in each glass. He hands one to Primo, then to Secondo, and is about to give one to you when Terzo snatches it from him, taking a claiming sip. Your eyes meet his, and he smirks.

“Go on,” he says, holding out the glass of absinthe. “If you are really so tough.” A fire is lit inside of you at the prospect of a challenge. Copia is about to protest but before he can, you accept, taking a sip of the green liquid. Even watered down it’s fucking strong, the taste of licorice assaulting your senses. You manage to keep your composure. Terzo looks amused, raising his wine glass. “To new business ventures. Saluti.”

[sortasirius]

"There Goes the Groom" and Buck's Queer Joy

Hey so...remember when I did post ep meta for two years? Anyway we're back like we've never left.

Best Hen <3

OBSESSED with micromanaging party planner Evan Buckley. The clipboard was there in spirit.

"You are late."

I'll take married for several years for $500, Alex.

"Ooo sliders."

"Ah ah. No."

"You didn't just do that." PLEASE

Tommy giving Eddie a bro-y high five and then a soft, sweet "hey" for Buck and a hug??? Fellas I might need to be sedated.

Also obsessed with the tinge of bitchiness in Eddie's tone. It's like jealousy without even realizing it's jealousy. And I think it's an interesting mix of "hey my best friend has a new friend" and something else that Eddie cannot label.

Ryan Guzman you must be studied for that little side eye lmfaoooo

I LOVEEEEE TOMMY HE'S SUCH A BITCH, he said I do not care for your party themes. Me for real.

Why were they all so obsessed with the sliders???? I love them all so much.

"Reach for them and you'll be pulling back a bloody stump." WITH THE RAISED EYEBROWS AND THE LITTLE HEAD TILT RYAN GUZMAN I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH.

"Wholesome, 80s-themed karaoke."

Buck was a party planner in another life and I stand by that.

"We should totally go as Crockett and Tubbs."

"Absolutely."

They are literally this meme:

The little shoulder rub that Buck gives Tommy <333333333333

The way Buck and Eddie are sitting during the party scene, Buck's arm absolutely SLUNG around his shoulder...yeah okay. Okay. I'm normal about this.

The whole party was two idiot best friends pointing at each other and saying "exactlyyyyyy." Yes, I would die for them.

I just want to say that every single thing about Chimney's journey this episode was heartbreaking and scary and I HATED that I didn't know what was going to happen to him the whole time. Ok thanks for your time.

From that guy stealing his car to every Doug jumpscare, I think they did a really good job freaking the audience (at least...me) the fuck out without actually revealing what had happened. Like..we know he's sick, we know something's wrong, but it was a well-paced episode, even if in my perfect world it would have been like two hours long lol.

And the fact that Maddie is always going to look for him, always going to find him, just like he would do for her...don't look at me I'm emo.

Chim essentially pushing the fact that he is actively dying from encephalitis to the side because being a paramedic and saving lives is so deeply ingrained in him it's something the can't forget? He's so important to me.

Then...Kevin. He's such a huge part of Chim's life, his arc, how he became a firefighter, and it essentially include him in the wedding (even though it was in a very scary way), I think it's a really great take on the idea that our loved ones who can't be there for milestones are there even when we can't see them, especially with his line "you invited me, remember?"

Doug was never there, but Kevin was, Kevin will be there even when Chim can't see him.

"I was trying to get back to you the whole time." THEY ARE EVERYTHING HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THEM. ALL THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH, ALL THEY'VE HAD TO DO, AND THEY STILL FOUGHT FOR AND CAME BACK TO EACH OTHER!!!!

Bobby officiating and saying "and the Los Angeles Fire Department" THEY ARE A FAMILY!!!!

And then...perhaps one of thee most important scenes ever aired on television ever:

"Sorry I'm late, that fire was a beast."

"So are you."

And STRAIGHT in for a SERIOUS kiss??????? 911 writers room you can have my life, take it, it's already yours.

Tommy's little huff of surprise and then hum of "yeah okay I'm down for this." PUT THEM IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE CUTEST COUPLE OF ALL TIME

And last...Buck coming in to the room where his family, both blood and chosen, is, with soot all over his face, and a smile so bright that it had to have lit up the entire west coast, not caring who saw him or who knew exactly what he had just been doing...yeah, that's what this shit is all about.

EDDIE'S beautiful smile when he realizes how happy Buck is they are best friends FIRST and that is all that matters to me!!!

Hen being like "it's about damn time." SO TRUE QUEEN OF COURSE SHE KNEW!!!!!

I haven't really been able to put this into words yet, but the way they are handling Buck's bisexuality and his first relationship with someone of the same gender as him is just...it's almost astounding. It's been handled with such care, from Oliver to Lou to the writers to the NETWORK, everyone is so clearly fully onboard with this and not afraid of it.

And there's no pain here, his coming out is not born out of trauma or being forced or caught or guilty. Tommy made him feel something that he had never been able to put a name to, and Tommy is helping him figure it out. He's letting Buck be overeager without taking advantage, he's letting him move at his own pace (which, of course, is at light speed) but is also confident enough in himself to pump the brakes when he feels like he needs to.

I just can't get enough of that smile, of how fucking happy Buck is. Happy in himself, happy with Tommy, happy to finally have a name for who he is, and not be afraid to share it with the people he loves. His parents' reactions don't matter, because he knows the people that matter to him most won't care who he's with, as long as he loves them and they treat him well.

It's such a huge step for Buck, who has so often fallen prey to what other people might think, it's so refreshing to see him get to explore this without fear of what others will say. Tommy is a steady constant, experienced and knows who he is. He teases Buck and calls him Evan and flirts with him shamelessly, and it flusters him in the best way.

To see a character like Buck, who was, essentially, billed as straight from the beginning of the show, be able to come in to himself and experience real queer joy...wow. For me, it just can't be overstated.

I can't wait to see where Buck's journey goes, and I am just so...grateful to be able to watch it.

[respectthepetty]

ALERT ALERT!!! TAIWAN REQUEST ASK INCOMING!!!

Please can you recommend to me your top 5 Taiwan BLs? I saw you posting about a few and wanted to know when you would recommend please?! is it always enemies to lovers?

Thank you in advance colour genius!

WHY ARE THESE ASKS ONLY GETTING HARDER?! First, y'all wanted my Top GMMTV actors, then it was Top GMMTV pairs, and now you are coming for my heart and soul with my

Top Five Taiwanese BLs!

That's like making me decide who is my favorite Backstreet Boy (it's Kevin) or telling me to choose my favorite child. I don't have kids, but I feel this is very similar. I love all of them equally for different reasons. Taiwanese BLs are my favorites because they have the best parents, high heat, some (but not all) enemies-to-lovers, and serve domestic bliss, so forcing me to pick between them is painful.

But I'll do it!

However, I'm gonna finesse my way into having more than five, yet still only technically giving you five.

The Ones That Couldn't Be Considered:

First, I will not count HIStory 4: Close to You in this list because it is my favorite BL. Period. It is not fair to these other BLs that they can't be a strategic hot ass mess with the gusto that my beloved HIS 4 had.

Next, Oh No! Here Comes Trouble isn't a BL, so I can't count it, but it was queer to me. I watched it for Your Name Engraved Herein's Tseng Ching-hua, but when Guang Yan said "This comic is not only about my high school life, but also about my heart," their love became canon for me, and I knew I wasn't moving past this show. When I write my book If You Just Don't Wanna Admit It's Queer, That's On You, the masses will see exactly what was there all along.

I can't include Red Balloon because, quite simply, I don't remember it well enough since I watched it when it was released in 2017, but I still feel it in my heart, you know? Edward Chen, the opposite lead in Your Name Engraved Herein, and Jason Tauh of HIStory 5: Love in the Future were the younger leads, so if Gagaoolala brings it back, I'll watch it again to see how they have both evolved.

I can't put my finger on why I won't include DNA Says I Love You, but I think it's because I don't classify it as a BL, yet I don't know why I don't classify it as a BL because it is a BL. It is! But . . . I don't know bruv. Either way, it's slow but good!

See You After Quarantine?'s entire runtime is a little over an hour. That's one episode of a Thai BL! It's cute, quick, and creative, but I cannot use up a spot on an eighty-minute series even though it was good. I'm sorry boys, I'll see you after my Hot Tops!

The Ones That Made the List:

#5 - About Youth

I hate singing, but the songs (and singing) in this series were GOOD, so much so that I still listen to the theme song. The characters (except Ye Guang's shitty parents) were also good, but Ray was my favorite. It was just serious enough to not seem trivial but was still light and enjoyable, and Xu Qi Zhang's mom and pink Converse deserve some appreciation.

#4 - Be Loved in House: I Do

That argument in the street that spilled over into the office the next day is one of my top five fights! In case you haven't watched it, Real got upset because he believed everyone was hiding a relationship from him, so Shi Lei called him out on his hypocrisy since they were basically in a relationship yet hiding it. Real misunderstood, but that made Shi Lei more upset which lead to him screaming at Real in the office asking if he even thought about them as a couple. Then Shi Lei's mother and that coming out scene! AND THE FLOOR SCENE! So many amazing scenes. So little space.

#3 - We Best Love

Although I prefer No. 1 For You, it goes hand-in-hand with Fighting Mr. 2nd, so I'm counting them as one for this list. The second part gave us the office slap heard around the world, and that superb drunken confession, but the first portion really delivered a cohesive story about pseudo enemies-to-lovers that had satisfying pacing and great side characters. The show also had color coding, so if it weren't for the promise of a third season that has yet to be delivered, that time jump and the reasoning for the separation, it would have been No. 1 For Me.

#2 - My Tooth, Your Love

As soon as Jin Xun An said he knew a good therapist, it was over for these other BLs. Jin Xun An is such an adult and does not have time for tomfoolery, which pushed Bai Lang to grow. A majority of BLs openly express that one of the leads is a mess from trauma, yet gives the message that the other person should and will love them regardless. Not this BL! Jin Xun An said he would love Bai Lang through it, but he didn't allow Bai Lang to treat him like poo or make excuses for his behavior while kindly pushing Bai Lang to treat himself as seriously and as gently as Jin Xun An did. Oh, and the side couple was intriguing as well.

#1 - HIStory 3: Trapped & HIStory ?: Freed

You notice how all the other couples on this list are right next to each other, probably holding each other likely in bed? NOT THESE TWO! Mis tóxicos fell in love in the woods while handcuffed to each other after running away from their kidnappers while Kinn was still dating Tawan and Porsche was sexing up customers behind the bar (KinnPorsche). Mis tóxicos were not trusting each other, yet willing to fuck while Dr. Bun was still in the big city and Tan wasn't even on his radar (Manner of Death). I'm not making a comparison; I'm making a statement that this show changed me and what I now crave from other shows. If a man isn't willing to kill for his guy AND possibly kill his guy too, then is it really love? I have demanded for FOUR YEARS that my boy Tang Yi be released, and one of these days, Taiwan will deliver us what we all deserve -

HIStory 15: Freed WHEN?

[vicontheinternet]

Fandoms you couldn’t pay me to join even though I either really do like the show, did once or have been interested but for whatever reasons have been turned off by its fandom in no order

9-1-1 (did watch but fell off vapid fandom)

Buddie (no)

Bridgertom (was interested vapid racist fandom I find shonda Rimes to be very...)

Greys anatomy (did watch fell off vapid fandom with hints of racism)

Japril (I hate this ship with a passion mostly because their stans are annoying and turned me off)

Atla cartoon (comfort show vapid vapid fandom)

Anti legend of korra ( I have a love hate relationship with this show)

Driven (I do like them on a surface level but some of their fans can be intense) you will never get me to interact with driven content one I’ve seen multiple post attacking musa for being with riven or or calling musa ugly (she’s a cartoon character) or calling Darcy’s “spell” a dubbing issue while that might be true atp I’m over driven

Klaroline (jesus fucking christ sorry for using your in vain but this ship stans I once saw a fanfic that made caroline a original heretic and she was in the box instead of ester I'll give the points for originality but if they were to do a heretic bonnie was right there you know the wich that already had powers

Anti jegulus ( im not entering a fandom where the couple is written ooc to be together atp they are whole different characters) not trying to yuck someone yum

Sterek (these are some of the most annoying fanbase they don't even like these characters fr because rewrite them to make them so ooc that they are new characters. Why would stiles be in derek pack)

Stiles (I'm not going to lie I used to like stiles but his stans ruined him for me they were insuffible he could do no wrong in their eyes. All because he's a white snarky/sarcastic boy. Dont let write a crossover then they'll make him the most powerful being in the universe. Crossover with tvd/to he's loss mikealson crossover with supernatural hes either a Winchester that has demon blood also or an angel. They think that stile would be a better werewolf then Scott when everything in the show has told us that if he was the that had been the that had been bit his eyes would been blue by the end of season 1. And don't get me started on the friend subject)

The mcu (I used to love the mcu and watch every release but it became quantity over quality and its downfall for me was very sad)

Wanda maximoff and wandavision (I could make a whole video on the whole rollercoaster of thoughts I had on wanda and wandavision because like the mcu I liked both then I didn't. The decent of wandavision was more gradual with wandavision it was episodic to me it was a let down and didn't make sense while I thought Elizabeth Olsen acting was good the writing was not it find out that the writers were swayed not to look at the source material for the show because kevin fegie didn't want them to be influenced although that's the whole point because you're making a supposed comic book adaptation then there's the alleged part reshoot that happened because ppl guessed the ending and let's not forget the whitewashing of Wanda and peitro maximoff who are canonically romani and the mcu deliberately changed it to a made up country somewhere remotely European and made wanda a knock off Jean grey (red hair, pale skin, mind powers) for over ten years so bad that it started to influence the comics

Tony stark (hes a war profiteer, his fans infantilize him. They recognize his PTSD and mental problems only. His side of civil war was dead wrong and ppl to this day will not accept that even if you explain it to then like they are 2. Come onguys the un is useless even iron man knew he was wrong he broke the accords three times in the movie and kidnapped a child to fight adult that he had no business fighting. Also his fans are insane)

Specifically black arianitors that excuse everything thing that grow women does (now I don't dislike her or hate her but man her fanbase is annoying as hell especially the black ones it's like the one non black person who does problematic shit but has a lot black ppl in their corner rooting for them so when they do something out of pocket they don't even have to say anything they're black friends do it for them)

Taylor swift (need I could say more mind you I like some of her songs)

Obx/jaira - yall are psychotic!!!!!!! Yall have been tweaking over fictional characters for a few days

[xoxoemynn]

omg you watched kevin can f**k himself! I was obsessed with that show when it was airing, definitely due for a rewatch. what did you think? the breaking of the sitcom with allison and kevin in the last episode has stuck with me since I saw it almost 2 years ago

YEAH IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. I've wanted to watch it for years but was too lazy to figure out how to and now it's on Netflix so there's that issue sorted!

I wanted to take my time watching and ended up binging it because I could.not.stop. so I know I missed things and I want to go back and rewatch, but I also want to let it simmer a minute.

Going to put some incoherent ramblings behind a cut just to be safe for spoilers (and yes I know it's been years but I know a lot of people are just hearing about it for the first time now that it's on Netflix).

The last 15 mins of the show HAUNT me. I had a feeling that was coming but actually SEEING it was terrifying. We all KNEW this was Kevin, we all KNEW the sitcom filter was obscuring how abusive his behavior was, but when we actually see him the way he REALLY is and how everything about him changes, it's just HORRIFYING. And it puts everything we just watched into a new perspective because the way he corners her, his tone when he asks her what she said to Molly, when he starts listing off things that happened in the show that even knowing all along that he was a narcissistic, abusive asshole you still might be tempted to think "oh, maybe he's just clueless to the fact he's being awful" and you realize no, he was AWARE and he knew exACTLY what he was doing to control Allison and keep her down...literally I cannot get that scene out of my head.

And then looking back on the series as a whole...

Just how JARRING the contrast was between the sitcom world and the real world? And how it faded away so slowly you almost don't even notice it at first until you get closer to the end of the series and you're mostly in the real world? How the sitcom filter obscures the bandages Allison wears. How dingy the house looks when it fades. How the women's appearances change, looking cute and put together in the sitcom world but in the real world we see Allison's roots are showing and her clothing is in worse condition and Patty's hair looks less TV ready despite being a stylist. How we start to see all the characters differently once Kevin begins to lose his grip on them. How we never actually see Pete in the real world?!

One thing the show does really well, and a reason why I'm so eager to rewatch it, is not outright revealing everything that's happening. Allison wears long sleeves for most of the show; when we see her in a hospital gown there are bruises on her arm that are never commented on. We'd never had any reason to suspect Kevin's abuse was physical, but especially after seeing the finale, I think it's fair to believe that. And then you look back on all the other times Kevin "accidentally" hurt Allison, like the time he slams the door into her face and we see her simply cover it up with makeup... yeah.

Just all the LAYERS to the show. Analyzing it from the lens of how sitcoms treat women, the wives in particular, who are shown as humorless, nagging shrews who are just expected to put up with their husbands who act like children and are engaging in all kinds of antics to the delight of a laugh track that would be horrifying in real life. (And the fact they brought in the actress whose character was killed off in between seasons of Kevin Can Wait and then barely spoken of again was a BRILLIANT bit of meta commentary.)

But then also what it's like to be in an abusive relationship with a narcissistic, charismatic alcoholic, and how isolating and desperate it can feel when nobody sees what you see, nobody understands what you're experiencing, because everyone else is content to live in this world where he's the goofy life of the party. And at the beginning you may be going "okay, girl, just LEAVE," but then as you learn more and more about just how controlling Kevin is, and what he's capable of, and also Allison's own childhood, you start to see why she was SO desperate she'd go so far as to fake her own death because she thinks it's the only way she can ever escape him.

It's just so. good. And intense. I wish they had gotten one more season because while the ending was brilliant, I felt like some parts in S2 were a bit rushed, particularly with Neil, but it was just SUCH compelling TV and I cannot get it out of my head.

[meteor752]

I just watched episode four and five

And

I have thoughts

Episode 4

Izzy being drunk and mad at a wooden unicorn for a whole ass episode is an entire mood actually

He’s the unicorn <3

The crew is working through their divorce trauma, love to see it

Roach is an absolute sweetie

Aw Bunny!

NO BUNNY!

Aww, we love to see some healthy lesbians <3

No they’re a little bit fucked up actually

“I love your chin” aight love

Very happy to see Ed and Stede actually talking about what happened and their feelings about it

Also love that Ed, despite clearly loving Stede, is not ready to say it back yet, not just because of what happened but also because of his own past and issues

Also Buttons is amazing

Please don’t hook up with Olivia though she’s a fresh widow okay she’s going through things

Episode five

LITTLE BELL

Love that Roach fully believes that they just straight up killed Buttons, because honestly what would you think

LITTLE BELL JINGLING

How often are they gonna clean that spot on the ship?

Love to see a healthy polycule with Archie Jim and Olu. I’m now fully represented in this show

OFMD inventing things part 48: Peanut Butter

Stede looks very snazzy and I expect a lot of cosplays to come from this episode

Izzy and Stede friendship, love to see it

Also TITS

Did they ever get Frenchie something for his allergies? Or is my mans just gon die

Lucius addressing his trauma and Ed trying to help him through it, love to see it

Lucius and Pete development

HOLY SHIT THEY DEVELOPED

PLEASE LET THERE BE A WEDDING EPISODE!!!

Edward neurodivergent confirmed? I mean we all knew

So is Wee John gonna have anything to do or is he just gonna stand around because I don’t even remember him being in this episode

There’s no words to be said about the last five minutes

THE SAME MUSICAL CUE THINGY

Kevin?

Also loving that they want to take their time with it, not rush in, because let’s be real they haven’t known each other for that long

Kevin? Really?

This show is everything to me