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bqstqnbruin · 3 years ago

Text

Priceless

Ok so here I am somehow with a second fic in a matter of, what, two ish days? Anyway, this is one that I wrote and posted last year but I reread it and it sucked so I took it down and rewrote it. Hope you like it!

Word count: 5.5k

Warnings: none? swearing? Typos for sure.

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You loved him with your whole heart; there was nothing that you wouldn’t do for him, and you knew that he felt the same about you. At least, that’s what you used to believe.

Ever the one for dramatics, a three am alarm was what made you question not only your whole relationship but your whole existence. The witching hour was an ungodly time to be waking up and getting ready, no matter what the reason was. Even when it involved flying off to Europe for a destination wedding that involved Jake’s entire team.

“Babe?” you call to him, the shower just turning off. He pokes his head out, hair wet, droplets of water rolling down his face as he waited for you to answer, “We’re going to have time to stop at a Dunkin’, right?” you whine, doing everything in your power to not pass out then and there instead of finishing your packing.

“Maybe?” he says, ducking back into the bathroom before coming out with just a towel on, hanging on his waist. If you weren’t so exhausted, the things you could be doing right now, your mind wanders as he continues talking, “We have to get through TSA and I don’t think they would allow you to bring that through security, would they?”

“Fucking hell,” you mutter to yourself, throwing the last of what you needed into your suitcase, trying to find anything of Jake’s lying around that you knew he would forget. “What if I finish it in the car before we go through security?” you beg, hoping he’ll cave.

“Y/N,” he sings, “then you’re going to have to use the bathroom a million times and it’s going to be my fault.”

“Do I have to be pleasant before I get coffee in me?”

You hear him laugh from the bathroom as you lean back on the bed and close your eyes. “You wouldn’t be you if you were pleasant before your coffee, babe.” You do everything in your power to try to stay awake while he gets ready, him saying random things as he runs around getting dressed, you murmuring weak responses in return. “Hey, come on, sleepyhead,” he says, pulling you off the bed, “We’ve gotta get to Logan.”

You drive there in silence, praying for the moment you get coffee in you as you still struggle to stay awake while Jake keeps talking. The car stops, Jake pulling down the window when you finally open your eyes, seeing that you were sitting in the drive-thru line at Dunkin. “God, I love you,” you say, leaning over and kissing his cheek, a smile covering his face.

“Who’s paying, you or me?” he asks, not letting you answer due to the voice of the cashier inside coming through the speaker to take your order. Two small coffees, enough to hold you over for the drive to the airport before you get more coffee once you’re through the gate. He looks at you as you stare down at your phone, having to check your bank account to see if you even had the money to begin with. “I’ll pay for both,” he says, a calm tone covering her voice.

Money for you was tight. You had never really struggled to pay your bills and your share of the utilities, but you definitely didn’t have the amount of extra cash that Jake did because of the seemingly never-ending student loan payments you were making. “I’m sorry,” you say, taking the coffee from him so he can get to driving again. You hated having the money conversation; no matter who you talked to, they always seemed to bring up the fact that your NHL player boyfriend made more money in a single season than you had seen in your entire life. It always left things awkward, as the implication of you being a gold digger hung in the air between you and the person you were having a conversation with. “I can probably transfer some money from my savings for extra stuff, but I had really only planned on buying a few meals and a few other trinkets for my family,” you admit, staring at the low number that showed in your checking account.

“Hey,” he says, resting his hand on your thigh, not taking his eyes off the road, “It’s fine. Anything you want, I’ll pay for it.” You smile at him, hoping he couldn’t tell from the corner of his eye that it wasn’t sincere. That was another thing you hated: other people covering for you. You grew up being taught that if you didn’t have money for it, you either didn’t pay for it until you had the money yourself, or you forewent it entirely. Having to worry about paying someone back was unnecessary stress in your life. Or, if they were like Jake, then they would insist it was their treat, not taking the money you owed them no matter how much it was.

You look out the window, the empty, tree-lined highway lighting up as the sun rose over it, the sky turning from the dark purple night to a brilliant orange right in front of you. You had never been one to wake up for the sunrise, taking in the sight for what was probably the first time in your life. “It’s so beautiful,” you say, taking a sip of your coffee, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this calm and quiet before.”

“I’ve seen one thing more beautiful than this,” he says, a huge smile on his face.

“What?” you ask, bracing him for the cheesy comment you knew he was going to make.

“You,” he says, proudly, trying to find your hand without looking away from the road, bringing it to his lips before connecting his back to the wheel.

“God,” you moan, both of you laughing, “That was so corny.”

“Well, they call me Chef JD, gotta have some corn sometimes,” he says, resulting in you screaming.

“I will in fact leave you if you say something like that again,” you tell him.

“Yeah? Where would you live, then?” he teases, immediately regretting his words, “Fuck, sorry.”

“I’d figure something out,” you tell him, trying to match his teasing tone so that he doesn’t think you took it the way you did. The rest of the ride to the airport is in silence, you both finishing your coffee as you pull up, seeing some of the guys getting their stuff out of their car at the same time. “Hey, aren’t international flights normally at night?” you ask Jake, Charlie, and Matt coming over to help you guys get your bags.

“Bergy booked the flight for all of us and we don’t question him,” Charlie says, pulling Jake away from you, the two of them wandering into the airport with Kylie trying to keep up with her own boyfriend

“It should be more concerning to all of you that he has to act like your father,” you say to Matt, walking with him to security. Besides Jake, you were closest to Matt. He adopted you as a pseudo younger sister, the one who knew just as much, if not more about you than your boyfriend.

Matt shrugs, watching Charlie and Jake mess around with each other in line in front of you, “It just kind of happened that way. None of us ever questioned it, like Chuck said.” The two of you watch the boys, bickering about something as they seemingly all forget their girls were standing right around them. You and Matt fall into a mundane conversation, watching Jake and Charlie together as they pass through security. The five of you gather your things, trying to find which way your gate was so you could meet the rest of the guys before boarding the flight.

Matt figured out that you were supposed to head to the left, so naturally, Jake and Charlie veered right, leaving you and Kylie with all their stuff to lug to the gate. “Where are they going?” you ask Kylie, dumbfounded as you struggle to carry Jake’s bag along with your own stuff.

“Charlie mentioned he was hungry on the way here, so I’m just hoping that’s where they’re going,” she mutters, “Dealing with all of them together is like herding cats,” clearly as cranky as you were earlier that morning as you try to stifle your laughter. Just like you, Kylie was not a person to interact with before she had caffeine in her, one of the reasons the two of you got along so well.

You get to the gate, Jake and Charlie nowhere to be seen even though you were suddenly surrounded by the rest of the Bruins roster. From the looks of the waiting area, the flight was mostly the guys and their families, and thankfully so: you would hate to be on a plane with the Bruins organization if you were outside the organization itself. You loved the boys, but god, they were loud and annoying sometimes. Everyone else on the plane would definitely hate the group, but they didn’t care. The city was fueled by the hate of everyone who wasn’t them.

Jake and Charlie finally reappear, more coffee and now food in hand. Jake hands you what he got you as you reposition yourself so you’re sitting cross-legged on the seat, slightly uncomfortable due to how scrunched up you were so you could face him. You lean over, kissing his cheek before you start eating

He turns his head to smile at you as you catch him off guard and kiss him again. “What’s this for?”

“I don’t tell you enough that I appreciate you,” you say to him, taking a bite of the breakfast sandwich he got you.

Jake smiles at you, turning himself so he faces you. He wraps his hand around the back of your neck, gently pulling you towards him so he can kiss your forehead, mumbling something you can’t quite make out against your skin. Charlie starts chirping Jake over something, resulting in him leaving you to go argue with his teammates. You can’t help but smile as you watch Jake and his teammates. You knew he loved them, just like they loved him.

“You didn’t have coffee in you when I was talking to you before and you were actually pleasant?” Matt plops down next to you, taking your attention away from Jake.

You roll your eyes at him, even though you knew he was right, “Shut up, Gryz. Jake and I stopped for coffee on the way here. This is round two,” you say, raising the cup to him. The two of you watch some of the younger guys aggregate around Jake and Charlie, Jake telling them some story while they hang onto every word of his, laughing their heads off with every sentence. “God, he loves you guys.”

“Yeah, but you know he loves you more,” Matt says, nudging your shoulder.

“I think he loves Oreos more than he loves me sometimes,” you joke, knowing that it’s not true. Hoping that it’s not true, more like it.

“Trust me, JD loves three things in this order: you, hockey, then Oreos. He loves you more than he loves hockey. Nothing you can do will change that.”

You both laugh, the announcement for your flight to board interrupting the noise the rest of the guys were making. Jake rushes over to your side, picking up the bags both of you were planning on bringing onto the plan, practically pushing Matt out of the way. He kisses you on the cheek, a soft smile on his face.

“What?” you ask him, linking your arm in his.

“I love you,” he says, getting in line behind some of the guys.

“I love you, too,” you say, leaning your head against his arm.

“Ready for seven hours on a plane with these fools?” Jake asks, using his other arm to gesture to the rest of his teammates.

“I’m only ready because you’re with me,” you say to him in a sing-songy voice.

“Woah! So you can be corny, but I can’t?” he jokes, sending you two into a flirty bickering match as you board the plane with everyone. You get settled into your seats, resting your head on his shoulder to hopefully fall back to sleep despite the amount of caffeine coursing through your veins. You can hear the guys talking around you, probably annoying the rest of the passengers on the flight more than they intended.

You end up in that half awake-half asleep state while on his shoulder, the sounds of the rest of the guys fading in and out as you did. You could feel Jake occasionally kissing the top of your head, resting his on yours in an effort to go to sleep like you were. Both of you were woken up by the sound of the flight attendant coming through with food, the long flight warranting a hot meal, you and Jake being handed something different than the rest of the people around you.

“What is it?” you whisper to him once the flight attendant has passed by you.

“None of the free meals looked good so I got us something different,” he says, taking a bite of what looked like chicken covered in some sort of sauce.

“We could have just done the free meal so you wouldn’t be paying for me again,” you mumble, a little annoyed that he didn’t even ask when paying for food made things awkward earlier that morning.

You sit there in silence, eating the food that Jake bought you. Honestly, it was airplane food, not something that you had even wanted in the first place but you couldn’t let it go to waste now.

“I think I’m gonna go sit with Charlie,” Jake says, getting up without saying another word once the food is gone, leaving you to sit there by yourself with the other people in the row.

You try to find something to watch on the screen in front of you, only to be interrupted by Matt appearing and Jake’s seat, startling you as you rip out the headphones you had on while the first movie available was starting to play. “Your boy just kicked me out of my seat by sitting on top of me.”

You can’t help but laugh, picturing the other passengers' reactions around then as the grown men that were Jake and his teammates acted like absolute children. “I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that he did that or that fact that I’m not shocked that he did that.” You watch him with Charlie, your smile fading as his grows.

“Hey, what’s up?” Matt asks, pulling your attention away from Jake.

“Same argument that we haven’t really fought over yet.” Matt was the only one on the team that knew about the seemingly never-ending awkwardness that surrounded you and Jake when it came to money. “It’s not getting worse, but it’s more frequent. I’m just worried we’re gonna end up blowing up at each other and losing each other in the process,” you tell him, fixating on the screen in front of you.

You hear him exhale, looking over to see a sad look on his face. A single lock of hair falls down in front of his forehead, moving along with the rest of his head, “Couples fight. I don’t want to tell you that you should have this argument this weekend, but you have to talk about it. And I mean really talk about it, not just the vague undertones you two constantly have dancing around the subject.”

You stare at him, slightly confused at how something like that came out of him, “I don’t like how you said that so eloquently,” you laugh, Matt throwing his head back to join you.

“But you know I’m right,” he says.

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” you huff, waving him off.

Without another word, he hands you his other earbud, starting a movie on his screen that would hopefully last the rest of the flight. You rest your head on his shoulder to get a better view of the screen, picturing Jake in his place.

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you must have at some point because the next thing you know, the movie is over, the plane is about to land, and Matt is trying to get you off his shoulder so he can get back to his seat. “Hey, Y/N,” he whispers, nudging his shoulder gently. “Jake’s coming back,” he says, acting as if he didn’t want to get caught with you asleep next to him.

“Hi,” you yawn, rubbing your eyes as he plops back down in his seat, him kissing your cheek as you now struggle to stay awake. “It’s like, the middle of the night now, isn’t it?” you ask him, having no idea the time difference between Boston and where you were.

“I think it’s like 10 pm. I didn’t realize I was dating an old woman,” he jokes, pulling a laugh from you.

“You wear me out, babe,” you say, everyone getting up from their seats, the boys making more noise than anyone on the plane as people anxiously waited to get off.

“And you keep me young,” he says, giving you a quick peck before handing you your bag.

You hear someone groan behind you, turning to see Matt standing there already waiting for the two of you to move out of his way. “I’m not going to hang out with you if you’re like this the entire trip” he teases.

You can’t help but scoff, playing into the teasing nature of his comment. “Sorry, bubs, you’re the only one who didn’t bring a date so that makes you our third wheel.”

“I could third wheel any of the guys here and you know that,” he tries to defend himself as Jake grabs your hand and starts to pull you off the plane.

“That’s a weird thing to brag about,” you tell him, the three of you walking in a line to go get your bags, you and Matt carrying a conversation while Jake stands off to the side, not paying attention to the movement of the unfamiliar airport around him.

Everyone waits outside for whatever transportation Patrice had arranged to the hotel, still unsure how he swung any of the details he did. The guys had way too much energy considering how many hours they spent cooped up on a plane. You were exhausted, the coffee practically gone from your system as you tried to convince Jake to just go back to the hotel room with you and spend the night in. “Please?” you beg him, draping yourself on his arm as he waited to get your room keys.

“But the guys want to explore the city,” he whines, jutting his lip out to you.

“I have no more coffee in me,” you whine back. He pouts at you, contemplating whether or not it’s worth it to try to convince you to stay in or go explore with the guys. “I will do anything you want.”

He raises his eyebrows, pulling you close to him, “Anything?” he asks, forgetting the guys surrounding you as he kisses you, his grip around your waist tightening as his teammates start teasing the two of you.

“Hey, JD! Save that for the bedroom!” Matt chirps, your face turning bright red at his words.

“Ah, fuck off and let me love her,” he says, his forehead against yours. “I think I like the sound of the bedroom.”

You ignore the chirps from the boys as he kisses you again, the heat in your cheeks not subsiding until the two of you get to your room. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with the guys? Apparently, the nightlife is supposed to be awesome in the city,” Jake says, flopping down on the bed. You had been there all of two seconds, and he was already starfished on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling.

You sigh, sitting down next to him. “I told you I don’t want to go out,” you repeat, a little more annoyed than you intended to sound. “I’m tired, and when we go out, we’re going to end up spending more money and-” you stop, cutting yourself off as Jake sits up.

“Hey,” he says, taking your hands in his, “I told you I would pay for you. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is, though. To me it is. I don’t need you to keep paying for me for everything. I don’t want you to.”

“What’s the big deal?”

Were you really about to have the fight you and Matt talked about on the plane in your hotel room? “Don’t you get it? You have so much money while I’m constantly struggling to make ends meet because of fucking loans. Do you know what it’s like to be a grown adult and live off someone else's money, the constant looks from people when I talk about you that say they think I’m just dating you for your money? That unless you’re home and go grocery shopping for us, I have to choose between food and gas until you get back? All I am is a fucking burden.”

“What, you think I don’t know about all of that? Why do you think I pay for you? So you don’t have to worry about food and gas,” he says, getting up.

“And I hate that you do that!” you snap, “That you feel like you have to. It’s like a slap in the face that I can never pay for anything and you have to pay for everything.”

“So what do you want me to do? Stand by and watch you struggle when I have the means to help you?” The volume of his voice matched yours, hearing doors in the hallway opening and closing, praying that it wasn’t other guests trying to figure out what room the screaming match was coming from.

“I don’t mind if you help out once in a while when I really need it but it’s stuff like the second round of Dunkin’ when I could barely get the first, the meal on the airplane when they give out free ones, or when you keep asking to go out, knowing that we’re going to spend money after I told you no.” Jake rolls his eyes, pushing past you and out the door. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going out with the guys. You want something, you can get it yourself, see if I care,” he hisses, leaving you standing there with the door propped open by your foot, watching him walk away. Matt gets off the elevator when he tries to get on, saying something you can’t make out when the elevator door closes.

“What the hell happened?” Matt asks, looking between you and the elevator.

You shake your head, trying to hold back the tears that were forming, knowing that there were other people in the hallway that had just witnessed the end of whatever that was. “Remember the fight you said we would have? We just had it,” you tell him, flopping down on your bed with your hands over your face. You let out a long groan, feeling the weight of Matt’s body sink the corner of the mattress down. You knew he was giving you that sympathetic look that was going to make you more upset, feeding into your already upset nature just that much more.

“What happened?” Matt repeats.

“We just finally snapped. God, of all places to have a stupid fight like this, we have at the night before your teammate is supposed to get married. I mean, fuck, we’re in Barcelona, for god's sake and you and I are here watching me mope instead of exploring like we should be.”

“Well, who says we can’t?”

“My bank account.”

Matt pries your hands off your face, forcing you to sit up despite you clearly not wanting to. “There’s so much to do in Barcelona at night that doesn’t involve spending money. We can find the guys no problem, probably doing something free.”

“And how do you expect we do that?” you ask him as he tries to drag you off the bed, grabbing the room key on the way out the door.

Matt waves his phone in the air, a smug look on his face. “I have the location of everyone on the team, past and present, on Find My Friends.”

You hesitate for a minute, your wallet and bag sitting right there by the door for you to grab to go join your boyfriend and his teammates and try to enjoy the night despite the fight you just had. “Matt,” you try to protest, your eyes darting back and forth between him and your bag. You didn’t want to worry about Jake on the night out, but you knew you couldn’t be spending a lot of money. You had been out with the guys too many times before when Jake promised they wouldn’t be big spenders, only to go home and have to worry about how you were going to survive to the next paycheck.

“If you want anything then I’ll pay for it and you pay me back with food or something. Y/N, Jake is wandering Barcelona with Charlie right now, probably just as upset as you are,” he tries to reason with you. “There’s no point in sitting here alone in your hotel room when you’re in a city that you’ve been talking about visiting for as long as I’ve known you.”

You let out a groan, knowing that he was right. “I can’t stand you,” you mumble, grabbing your bag and heading out the door with him.

Matt had his phone pulled out, trying to navigate the city based on a little dot that showed your boyfriend’s location. You had no idea where you were going, and, to be honest, you weren’t sure that Matt had any idea either. You had never been in a situation where the two of you had to wander through unfamiliar territory before, but something told you it was going to be a while before he figured out how to get to the rest of the guys.

“Matt, this is useless. We’ve been walking around for over an hour already,” you tell him, sitting down on the bench that was just off the path you had been taking.

“It hasn’t been an hour, you’re being dramatic.”

Matt sits down next to you as you pull out your phone. “We left the room at 10 pm. It’s 11. That’s an hour,” you snap at him, clearly hating that you can’t find them. “I just want to see Jake,” you mutter.

“Have either of you calmed down enough to have an actual conversation with each other? You know, not a screaming match?” Matt asks you, watching the small dots that represented his teammates move around his phone screen. “If you want to try to figure out your way around here, when neither of us speaks the language to ask for directions, we can. If not, we go back to the hotel.”

You stare at his phone, seeing JD, CM, TF, two JS’s, and a DP altogether, somewhere off the road where neither of you were able to figure out how to get to them. You shake your head, thinking about Matt’s words: you weren’t sure you were cooled off enough to talk to Jake rationally, and you had a feeling he was still the same. “Let’s just find our way back to the hotel,” you tell him, getting up off the bench.

You look at Matt, the look of sympathy covering his face as he follows you back the way you came. You probably could have easily found Jake and the rest of the guys, working out whatever the hell you needed to before the wedding tomorrow. If you couldn’t work it out, what did that mean for your future, though? If you didn’t live with Jake, you would be struggling way more than you were now, probably living paycheck to paycheck without the luxury of everything Jake did for you.

Were you wrong to be mad that he was trying to help?

The two of you get back to the hotel, the empty lobby eerily echoing with your footsteps on the marble floor. You hadn’t even noticed it before, the hotel you were staying at was probably the nicest one you had ever set foot in. You were tempted to sit on one of the chairs in the lobby, wait there for Jake and the rest of the guys to come back despite the fact that they would probably be drunk off their asses when you saw them.

Matt puts his hand on your arm, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Do you want to stay down here and wait?” he asks you, reading your mind, “Or, do you want to go back to either your room or mine?”

“I don’t want to impose,” you try to protest.

“So, you’d rather go back to an empty room and wallow alone instead of sitting on my bed, eating ice cream, and watching a movie,” he tempts you, raising his eyebrows with his offer.

“I don’t want ice cream.”

Matt scrunches his nose, letting out a laugh. “I never said the ice cream was for you. It’s summer, I can cheat on the nutrition plans a little more right now.”

He manages to pull a laugh from you, the two of you heading up to his room. You plopped yourself on his bed, your hands behind your head while you couldn’t take your mind off Jake. You really didn’t want him to be as miserable as you felt, but part of you also did want that. Was that bad?

You knew you had to set boundaries. You knew you couldn’t live without him, both financially and in life in general.

“You know,” Matt says, pulling you out of your thoughts yet again, “The guys are back here at the hotel. If you wanted to go back to your room, I’m sure you could talk to him now.”

You roll over, your back facing Matt. “I don’t think he would want to talk to me.”

Matt sighs, lying down next to you and staring up at the ceiling. “Like I told you in Boston, Jake loves you more than anything. If I know anything about him, he’s just as miserable as you are, probably back in your room panicking about where you are.”

You turn to him, narrowing your eyes. “This is your way of trying to get me out of here before the ice cream comes and you feel like you have to share with me, isn’t it?”

You both laugh, sitting up to get ready to go. “Oh, of course.”

You head out, opening the door, caught off guard by who was standing there. “Jake?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet. “I thought you would be here.” You nod, both of you standing there in an awkward silence as you held the door to Matt’s room open. You didn’t know if you should speak first or wait for Jake to do it, and apparently, he felt the same.

“As much as I love just staring at you two,” Matt breaks the silence. “Would you be able to do this with my door closed? You can be in here, but,” his voice trails off. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear whatever it was you were about to talk about even though he already knew.

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” you tell him, letting his room door close behind you as Jake took your hand in his, leading you down the hall to your room.

You don’t say anything until you get into your room, both of you sitting at the foot of the bed.

“I’m sorry I got mad,” he says, his hand still in yours but unable to look at you.

“I’m sorry I got mad,” you repeat, for lack of better words to say. “We need boundaries. I get that you want to pay for things, but I need you to ask me before you do, especially if it’s something we don’t necessarily need.”

“Ok,” he draws out, trying to figure out how to frame his words. “Would you be ok with asking me for help when you need it? You know I can help you, and it kills me seeing you struggle when I have the means to make this stop.”

“I just want you to ask.”

He smiles at you, raising his hand to cup your face. “I will,” he says, his lips finding yours for a soft, sweet kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

You spend the rest of the night together, trying to figure out boundaries of what and when Jake can lend you money, what should be paid back, what he doesn’t want back, everything. It was the conversation you should have had years ago, yet never did.

The next morning, you get ready for his teammate's wedding, slipping on the dress, your back towards Jake while he put on his suit. “Can you zip me up?” you ask him while he adjusted his sleeves.

He comes up behind you, his fingers holding the small zipper and slowly pulling it up your back. Jake wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you in front of the mirror hung on the wall of the room, his head nestled on your shoulder. “I can’t wait until we get married.”

You laugh, craning your neck to kiss the side of his head. “That’ll be an expensive day, won’t it,” you joke.

“Yeah, maybe. But spending the rest of my life with the girl I love? That’s priceless.”

#jake debrusk #jake debrusk imagine #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey #hockey imagines

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traumathings · 3 years ago

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hello folks, we've had many changes in the trauma department. and in the my life department as well. and bc i have one (1) friend that I made like a month ago and all we do is go on walks together, imma tell y'all instead cause why not

under read more for whoever wants the gossip abt my life.

so I finished college. Yes, insane, it only took what, 10 years? details aside, it is literally insane to be done with this. also finally. sayonara to my mental health in the process but i have a diploma. i guess

i am back in therapy. this time, instead of going thru my health insurance (that i dont have anymore anyway) i'm going to private practice. is it expensive? yes, but it wasn't working before, so now I have better hopes, i suppose. it's going decently. we'll see, it usually takes a month and a half for things to go to shit.

i am seeing someone. and they're not toxic nor abusive. i know, a shocker. and this fact alone, combined with the fact that I have spent the last... 5 years? without a single soul (no exaggeration here) to talk to or interact, has triggered and messed up my head so much I actually felt the need to go back to therapy lest anxiety literally consumes me from the inside. and also, since my trauma in mainly abt relationships and interactions with people, and I wasn't interacting with anyone... means that I didn't deal or heal any of it lol I was just pretending it didn't exist bc it wasn't relevant to my life. now that I have two (2) people to chat with, suddenly the trauma girlies have decided to show themselves. homophobic, honestly.

my brain is worried at all times that this new relationship will turn the same way my past (abusive) relationship turned. And as such it feels the need to keep the other person at the back of my mind at all times, bc if I ever forget or stop paying attention to them, I might miss a red flag or I might not pay attention to something I had to tackle. I am exhausted. It is draining my energy, it is robbing me of my attention. Nothing distracts me from it. Nothing in my RIGHT NOW life is actually causing it, so I can't do anything abt it bc it is literally just abt my old unhealed trauma. This sucks ass. Therapy better work fast bc I'm tired.

I sometimes worry abt the future of the relationship. If things will really work out. If I'll be reciprocated. Relationships bring up a lot of uncertainty huh not what I expected. But I'm trying to remain positive, bc being negative literally does me nothing except fuel my anxiety

that's it for now I guess

I went for a couple of walks and I hate to agree with the yoga people, but it truly does help. It clears up my mind immediately. I think it's pretty good for anxiety. I've never tried walks for depression bc I don't think I would have the motivation to do so. But for anxiety, they are great. I recommend.

#life updates #trauma #relationships #therapy

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kreidewaltz · 4 years ago

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YEAR END LOVE.

happy holidays and advance happy new year everyone!! this was supposed to be for christmas but.. yeah hope u had a great time w your loved ones <33 this is for my friends who helped me get thru shitty times, who made me laugh so hard, and made me feel appreciated :) to my mutuals, thank u for taking ur time to talk to me!! any interactions from u guys makes me so so happy <3 im proud of you for getting through this year!! this is gonna b a long one .. hehe <3 sorry if i didn't mention u!! i still love u :( this is in no particular order dw dw ily all d same

to my followers, mutuals, and people who likes my stuff in general ツ

AAAAAAA guys ily you rock !! thank u for supporting me and just being there for me (esp for the ones who listened and stayed w my shit !!) ty for liking, reblogging about my stuff, or just interacting w me!! pls pls talk to me let's have some good convo hehe i hope no one will send me or any blog hate bc that isn't cool >:( happiness and love only are allowed people!!!

@sunakissses ツ

my bestie, my bae, babe <3 you rock val if im honest :( even tho we haven't been friends for a long time, we just clicked !! and yeah talking to u is just makes me at ease n u have that comfy vibes :)) and our interactions r so funny and wholesome <33 i just love when im talking to ya you know :(( and idk i love ur supportive aura whenever i do something hehe :( lets keep going next year and be more closer >:) and yes u and suna r going to be the cat's first ever aunt and uncle <3

@romaune ツ

okay .. the literal meaning of sunshine, yes you gracie baby :( you're so wholesome i wanna cry thats me 2 u !! i love your aura and just everything, i get so excited when u reply to my asks fr, because ure so enthusiastic n i like that a lot !!! :( ik we don't talk a lot yet but from our interactions (or just us screamin abt our mans winks) i know i gained a friend, a good n funny friend for that:) and ure so like hinata i wanna squish and hug and talk to!! i love how we scream abt our ongoing suna brainrots HAHA can't forget that <33

@cryoqi ツ

people put ur hands up 4 the coolest person ive met !!!! >:( istg you're so kind and so funny even if thats not ur intention T_T at first i was intimidated by u but then yeah <33 we vibe :( only the real ones know abt us and me bein your bread anon <33 ure rlly great and can't forget d time us and dove sang thru texts ...? yes that i cried while laughing HAHA, and yes i love the way u write 2!! so you and just amazing overall :)) n yeah i like to talk to u a lot in the server !!! ure so funny & relatable at times hihi

@miyasangel ツ

arden bae !!! you're so ... cool and pretty and one of the people i want 2 talk to in here <3 you're like cool and the way you write is chefs kiss >:( and i love it whenever we talk abt random things AHSHS and when we talk abt atsumu <33 i love love that !! n yeah good thing i interacted w u b4 on ur old blog and get to talk to you more !!! i was so shy n nervous while sending you asks sometimes LMAO idk why :(( ure rlly a great friend <3 n i think u also became a factor on why im liking inarizaki :D

@cafemiya ツ

omg hail to issy !! i know we don't talk that much yet but i literally like u a lot >:( you're rlly great w your long fics !! n handmade heaven lead me to you and ur asks <3 and you're so chaotic too HAHA i like that :) dw ill always shower u w compliments bc u so deserve it bby !!! and i squeal sometimes when u reply to my asks w the same energy :(( n yes i just love you and your vibe in general <3 and im so excited 4 the collab !!! <3 thanks for reaching me out hehe or my slowburn fic journey wont happen :( anw ily and keep slayin issy baby!!!! :D

@kuro0luvr ツ

omg kieran .. the big phat supporter of chlojime is here people !!! <3 i just love loooove talking to you esp in the server & we scream abt anything n everything :( and thank u for always giving me support and everyone else when we're down!! you're one of my sunshines 2 :( i love how we just talk and instantly b close friends you know!! even tho we dont chat like in dms we r so close hehe :( and yes ill never forget how happy u got when i complimented that u have akaashi vibes <3 ty for being a good friend n supporter to me :(((

@oikawasbliss ツ

milo everyday !!! >:) i missed our interactions tbh :( you're just so chill n i vibe w u a lot!! your themes omg i want em its so aesthetic and everything <3 and uhm i love ur love for oikawa >< i mean who wouldn't but whenever i see smth kawa related i think of u immediately T_T and yes ure just so so cool :(( lets talk more soon gah and maybe talk abt aot hehe smirks <3 and yes i just like ur themes and vibe a lot <3 lets talk more soon gah >:)

@himichii ツ

I KNOW we didn't talk really like until few weeks ago but ... you're so funny and kind n lowkey sweet HAHA u were so intimidating before i can't talk 2 u <//3 but im glad i did !! not me writin this and listening to the playlist u made for me :( omg thank u for that and the other that u posted, i felt nostalgic and (good) sad on d inside <3 HAHS lets talk more omfg idk what 2 say :( OH oh ure a greatt writer :( the angst u sent yesterday made me sad gah <3 let's talk more in the new years!!! :(

@hajimine ツ

oml lexy bae where do i start??? omg ily like <3 because you're so nice n sweet n so funny 2!! glad i started participating in your ask games and on that we became friends hehe :( i love how we just talk abt anything on your asks <33 like ur life keeps me entertained HAHA and when u became more chaotic n all that .. i liked it!!! :( and oh u write so well if u didnt know >:( can't wait 4 more interactions w you bae !! <3 and ugh omg ily <3 literally cannot express how much :( you have good vibes n i wanna have that too !! and love how we just scream over one man ;D

@lcaita ツ

omg kai ... hi <3 HAHS sorry if im so awkward wtf but ure so cool and so funny !!! i like ur vibes always even tho ure not always around <3 and when youre around i just get happy !!! >< for some reason i love ur name hehe and uhm i love ur aesthetics hehe on ur acc !!! >:) and yes thank u for being a kind friend hehe :( lets talk more next yr abt anything!!! maybe abt ur mans (kaashi, semi, others) hehe ;)

@kemochie ツ

nea !!! i just . wanna say that you're a sweet human being :( and deserve the world :( ik we didnt interact much yet but !!! i love u already n your aura in general <3 and i just get soft on ur username for some reason T_T i love our little interactions from time 2 time n i wanna boost that more on the new years!! <3 idk i like u :( that's it thats my say :(

@nightmareupondaydream ツ

kana baby !!! im so grateful for u whenever u send me sweet words at random times ... and when i need it <3 and i missed our chats in dms :( lets do it again sometime !! im gonna be here for u okay :( and you're so sweet fr i love u,, and yeah just talkin about how shitty life is or how my writing goes, let's do that on the new years oki!! <3333

@ravscrii ツ

thank u for being there like really >< ik u have own probs to solve but you still helped me :( ty for being a great listener and supporter hehe <3 u deserve great things !!! and pls dw okay we're good even tho we arent talking that much :( i miss that hehe n ure a kind and funny person ASHS esp in the server ur replies n everything make me laugh :( lets talk more soon like the old times AAAAAA i miss it hehe <3 and goodluck on genshin HAHA pls entertain me w it even tho i don't play </3

@rintaroll ツ

olivia babe <3 omg i missed u sorry 4 not checking on u :( forgive me <//3 just wnna say u totally made my 2020 better n a little more bearable <3 i like ur vibes sm and ur name .. olivia wow i like it :( and oh you're so aesthetic like ur blog in general ??? hello pls step on me :( and u also influenced me (for some reason) to like tsumu more ?! which i dont mind at all .. i like it when we scream over tsumu or i tease u n him getting horknee :D yeah and god i can't forget the time we fangirled over gojo on ur asks ... and u sent me gojo gifs which made me scream <3 one of my unforgettable moments w ya!!

to my hajime anon + mod ツ

thank u for always being here :( and you just chatting w me makes me so happy <3 i hope you'll see this hehe and just thank u and ily yknow :( when im down or happy, or shitty you're just there, supporting me always <3 im so grateful for that!! and hajime anon mod ily :( thank u for taking ur time to chat w me and make me so happy hehe <3 take ur time okay :)

to my baby, stella ツ

AAAAAAA idk if you'll see this but shoot me an ask if u saw :( uhm i love ur vibes and you're so cool !! promise <3 and your theme changes r always so beautiful <3 pls pls i love you so much agh im so worried when u deactivated :( pls dont overwork okay whenever ure working :( i love talkin to u always in ur asks !!! ure so sweet and lovely grr >:( u deserve all d good things okay ily stel :((

#advance happy new year !! <3

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boggirlsummer · 3 years ago

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OCT Days 12 - 15

Day 12 Woke up to a notice from Geico that an accident was reported involving my car in Oakland, which as far as I know is in storage in San Francisco… A few calls later and mystery solved: it was my ex’s Ford Explorer that I used to drive and was on my policy until he donated it to a radio station in Sacramento last year. I thought radio stations scrapped those cars but I guess sometimes they sell them for super cheap at auction, so whoever bought it got hit and didn’t have insurance and the claim got linked to me, the last policy holder. Kinda happy the Exploder made it back to the east bay but I can’t believe it’s still on the streets…I drove it until all the doors stopped working and a second fraudulent smog was hanging over my head. My friend Buddy at Public Storage seemed offended by the idea that he would let anything happen to my car. Don’t take it personally, Buddy! I’m just glad I don’t have to find a new ride the weekend before driving to Maine, as badly as I want a lime green Kia Soul.

Mix of beach, trail, and road walking today and we happened to see some whales as we passed through Depoe Bay. So many animals spotted on this trip, I always forget how much I love this. A biker passed us in a sketchy spot on the shoulder of 101 and stopped to talk about the trail. This guy was desperate to chat and we really had to shrug him off at the hiker/ biker camp tonight. So many lonely men out here, why can’t they befriend each other and leave us alone?

Day 13 10 mile beach walk to Newport, where we’re staying at Zoey’s dad’s cousin’s beach house for two nights. Late lunch at the South Beach Fish Market, another cool and crusty full service seafood shack off 101. We saw the bus pull into the tiny gravel parking lot as we walked up, and as Zoey says, if the bus stops there you know it’s a spot. I had fried shrimp and scallops (scallops so goooood) and Z had fish and chips. Some guy asked me where we were backpacking from because his daughter had guessed Europe, so we must look pretty fucking chic for not having washed our clothes in 10 days 💅🏻

At Fred’s house, came in from the rain and washed our clothes and had a little steam + shower (yup!). Z and I got into bed and stared at our phones while we waited for our friend Erin to arrive, who flew in from SF to finish out the trail with us. If you don’t know Erin she’s extremely classy and athletic and for some reason keeps agreeing to join us on trips that are a little…rough around the edges. Like Thanksgiving 2019 when an innocent backpacking trip in Joshua Tree turned into a two day tour of the Salton Sea w/ stops in Bombay Beach, Slab City, Salvation Mountain and East Jesus - places I first visited with my dad and where he eventually ended up living for a few years. A tour of art and alternative living in some spookier desert locales…heaven for me and Z…Erin, not so much 👀 Always a good sport though 😉

Cute abandoned cafe I want to buy

Day 14 Breakfast burritos and Dutch Bros Coffee in Newport this morning. Zoey and I got some highly caffeinated sugary shit (I ordered a blended “Jelly Donut” - the natural escalation of my Red Bull obsession) and Erin got an unsweetened green tea (huh?? 🤨). The fourteen year old working the drive-thru couldn’t be bothered and I loved her for it. Young people who give zero fucks are my favorite, even (especially?) the ones who are faking it. I love when they act like little robots, all stonefaced and monotone, like you must be the most mind-numbingly dull person on earth. It’s so easy to make yourself feel like an idiot when interacting with strangers (like when a barista says “enjoy your drink” and you say “you too” 🙄), so it’s a relief when my stupidity is assumed right off the bat. Weird mix of feelings - I simultaneously respect the commitment to the transactional nature of our encounter/the rejection of the customer is always right attitude and still want to break the fourth wall between us somehow… It’s like when somebody you love is being a helpless grouch and for some reason it’s really funny and you want to put your arm around them and squeeze them until they have no choice but to acknowledge you. Cute aggression is so real.

Red Bull > Jelly Donut > BuzzBalls?

Fred Meyer resupply again, then drove to Cape Perpetua in Erin’s rental car for the scenery and a baby hike. Picked up Thai for dinner before returning the car at the world’s tiniest airport and walking back to Fred’s along 101 in the rain with takeout in hand. I was afraid of walking on the highway at the beginning of this trip but now it makes me feel like a self-righteous pedestrian badass. At any moment I’m prepared to yell scathing and thought-provoking lines after drivers who honk or otherwise question our right to the road. Even better if they drive away too fast to hear me and I’m left screaming into the dust like a madwoman. Every road should have a sidewalk.

Day 15 Laughably short hiking day for reasons too boring to explain, two miles along the beach to our next camp. We had a lot of beer with us and nothing to do so we started drinking at noon and ordered Dominos delivery to our RV park. Waiting for our pizza man in the park clubhouse, Erin and I picked out trash romance novels from the library to read at the beach (Zoey got the one decent book in the joint, about 60s hippies who traveled the “hippie trail” east through India, Iran, Afghanistan and more in search of drugs and a ~spiritual experience~). Nice beach weather for once and we lazed around all afternoon eating pizza and reading. Sobered up around the campfire. A spooky little girl imprinted on me and came around to scold us about hanging food from a tree.

Fight me!!!!

Just because I’m unemployed doesn’t mean I have to give up on my boss fantasies…

Mileage: 38

#Spotify

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comiyaviww · 4 years ago

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🎉[HAPPY NEWS]🎉 #JewelieBday2020⠀

Dear Jewelie, following your amazing “Happy News” reports, this year we also want to celebrate your special day by sharing our “Happy News” back to you! 📰

WISHING YOU THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY! 🍰 🎈

- Your worldwide Co-MYV family from Planet Earth.

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From: Aunty Ku Country: Malaysia Dear my lovely Jewelie~ I have a son one year younger than you, thus, seeing you grow healthy and happily makes me happy. Like a cotton flower, you bloom beautifully and continue to bring happiness to my heart as I wait for the flower to turn into a boll, and then into a bur that reveals the cotton fiber.

You probably didn't know this, but Malaysia is not a country where people believe the cotton plant can grow commercially. My country focuses more on rubber tree and palm oil tree. Therefore, planting cotton trees is a little bit strange to Malaysians, especially on layman's side. However, the cotton tree is a quite a resilient type of plant. At my home, given enough nutrition and water and suitable soil, it can live all year long and bear fruits with lots of quantity twice a year! And they have lived in my garden for almost two years now! I watch them grow, learn about their sicknesses, and learn most of the insects and critters that visited them, eat them or made them as their nesting ground or home. Discovering new things, seeing new creatures is also my own kind of happiness.

You see Jewelie, sometimes happiness doesn’t come instantly. Sometimes you have to wait for it patiently, invest your time, your energy and your financial resources to make your dreams come true. However, there will be times when happiness doesn’t come, when though you have achieved something, sometimes it came when you have some sense of relief and security. Your heart is at ease, as some people would say.

However! Some happiness can also be bought thru shopping. Like this one here:

This is takli. It is used as a tool to spin fiber into yarn. From the yarn thread, we can either crochet it, or knit it, or weave it to turn the yarn into fabric for clothing items or household items like a blanket, cushion cover, and other stuff. I couldn't find it anywhere in my country as spinning the cotton fiber and turn them into yarn is also a strange practice in my country. I've been waiting for this little guy for almost two months since I last ordered it. Due to covid19, postage has been delayed. And finally 2 days ago (14/10/2020) it arrived safely at my home

That is all I wanted to share with you today. Happy birthday Jewelie.

May you grow into an amazing person, whom love and cherish her parents until the end of their lives, and achieve all of your dreams. May life is kind to you and provide you enough.

Sincerely yours, - Ku Shairah Jazahanim -16 Oct 2020

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From: Hyunjeong Country: Korea

안녕 쥬에리

Hello Jewelie!

I am Hyunjeong from Korea. First, Happy Birthday to you 생일 축하해 쥬에리~~

I wish All lucky & beautiful things with you, and I will let you know my happy news. I hope my happy news will make you happy!

A week ago, my second nephew was born. He's still small and looks like a monkey or a little bird, but he’s adorable. How this precious creature is made and born, it’s amazing. I want to leave a lot of kisses to him, but I'm really sad that I can't meet him these days because of COVID-19

I will pray that the virus will disappear as soon as possible, meet my nephews, and meet you and your daddy, MIYAVI.

Love from Korean Aunt Hyunjeong

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From: Raira Country: Japan

🎈 HAPPY NEWS 🎈

Hello, princess!

"ありがとう" is a universal word that brings people a little happiness.

In the shop an old woman said to me, "I want that item there."

I handed it to her and she happily said "ありがとう" over and over again. It made me smile too.

When a kind little action makes someone else happy, it makes me happy too. It's always in our lives. And we can all be happy if we don't forget to say "ありがとう(Thank you)" to each other.

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From: Kyoko Country: Japan

Happy Birthday, Jewelie❣️ May happiness and joy come to you My Happy News is that I managed to come to your daddy’s live show in September. I was able to have a short trip, see my favorite persons（←including you & your daddy🥰）, and have a good time! Thanks to all of you, I enjoyed myself🤩 ありがとう❣️and おめでとう from Kyoko: takeshiorin, JAPAN

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From: Becca Country: USA

Jewelie,

Hello Jewelie! My name is Becca and I am from Tucson, Arizona. I am 21 years old and am a senior here at my local university, the University of Arizona! I am also part of our school’s marching band, which we traditionally play at our home football games. Sadly, this year though, we are not allowed to play at any of our games because of COVID-19 and our sports conferences not allowing us or fans to enter the stadium.

This being said though, one bit of ‘good news’ that I would like to share with you is that we have been able to schedule our 67th Annual Band Day virtually AND have it available for people nation-wide since it’s online! Band Day is an event we traditionally hold in-person at our football stadium and have around 40 high school marching bands from around the state compete. This year will be a little different, seeing as it will be held virtually and they cannot compete, however it will be equally as exciting! Especially seeing as we can still share our passion for music and the marching arts.

I hope this finds you very well, and I hope you have a wonderful birthday! You deserve the best birthday ever, and the love you receive every day! <3 <3

Becca Soto

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From: Maura Country: USA

Happy Birthday Jewelie! Since I know that the environment is important to you, I wanted to share some HAPPPPY NEWWWWWS about the environment in honor of your birthday!

“Singaporean Government Plans to Plant One Million Trees by 2030”

The government of Singapore has announced a plan to plant one million native trees by the year 2030, with the goal of helping endangered species thrive and ensuring that every resident of Singapore lives, “no more than ten minutes from a park”. Although Singapore is a small nation, their ecosystem is rich and precious. By planting these trees, they will provide habitats for “numerous birds, reptiles and plants” which may face extinction. These trees will also help fight pollution and improve air quality for Singapore.

I think that the Singaporean government has a great idea, and I hope that other governments follow suit, and create even more plans to help our planet!

Wishing you a joyful birthday full of happiness and love! From your CoMiyavi Auntie, Maura (News Source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/singapore-to-plant-1-million-trees-bringing-parks-to-people/)

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From: Betty Country: Italy/Ethiopia

Hello Jewelie,

Here is a CoMYV aunty writing to you from Italy, but the happy news I want to share with you is from my home-country Ethiopia (somewhere in the Horn of Africa).

I also did some research like you & this news was something that made me happy in this past weeks. Following sustainable development & clean energy, Ethiopia is now on the final stage of the long awaited start of “The Grand Ethiopian Renaissance Dam" on the Blue Nile.

It is set to become the largest hydropower plant in Africa, providing renewable energy for many people, and helping them to greatly improve their daily life. This made me really happy and hopeful for the future of my country. It was big celebration in Ethiopia too, also because the rainy season this year helped this first stage to be completed in a shorter amount of time. They saw it as a good sign from Mother Nature!

Once we will be able to travel again safely, I hope you will keep visiting many places around the world, noticing the beautiful diversity that also connects us. Remember that you have all of us, a bunch of comyv family ready to welcome you.

Happy Happy Birthday to you, wishing you just happiness. መልካም ልደት

CoMYV love from Betty/Kanmisa

(News Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/interactive/2020/grand-ethiopian-renaissance-dam-egypt-nile/) -------------------------------------------------------- From: Sarah Country: USA

Dear Jewelie,

I want to wish you the happiest of birthdays. Thank you for participating in the Ishihara family lives, and for always sharing such HAPPY NEWS with us! Your heart is so big and you are such bright light in this world, bringing so much joy to all of us!

I have a bit of personal “happy news” that I wanted to share with you, and hope it puts a smile on your face - recently, my family adopted a puppy! She is a sweet girl we named “Lucky”, because we are lucky to have her, and she is lucky to have a home now. Every day she is growing big and strong, and she is a super smart dog! We enjoy teaching her tricks like “sit” and “paw”, and she really likes to play fetch with her ball.

Some interesting facts about American Pit Bull Terriers: they are super friendly and have a goofy personality; they’re great as therapy and emotional wellness dogs; they have a great sense of smell and are often used for search & rescue and other sniffing jobs; they are very muscular and athletic and can jump very high; they are wonderful family dogs and used to be known as ��nanny” dogs because they love children so much.

She is bringing lots of joy to our family since we are all working and learning from home this year. I think we also bring her lots of happiness by giving her a warm and loving home.

I’m thankful for the virtual connections we all have in these times, and I look forward to the day that friends and family can celebrate and enjoy time together again. Please take care, stay safe, and keep smiling! Remember, we are always under the same beautiful sky!

Happy Birthday Jewelie! ❣️

Much love from your CoMYV Aunty, Sarah --------------------------------------------------------

We hope you keep looking for HAPPY NEWS every day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEWELIE!

#HAPPYNEWS #MIYAVI #JewelieBday2020⠀#JewelieIshihara #comiyaviww #happybirthday #birthday2020 #birthday

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know.

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

#not as long as i thought it'd be!!! i don't have many engaging stories to say lol and like i said. not here to get. sedimental #that unfortunate Lightning Round incident lmfao......rip my ass. it was fine i was just like. [screams inside]#god.......what a uhh six and a half years six and a half years are. s/o to. Lars #oh i never ''more on this later'''d that one point. what a tragedy right lmao. i was just like. ppl Can simply watch the eps in order tho...#a concept i was not into lmfao. ess em aitch. i was never here for Lore okay

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effortwise-blog · 4 years ago

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How to Deal with Difficult People: 10 Expert Techniques

Doesn’t it seem like we deal with tough human beings in nearly all stages of our lives?

I’ve regularly had to deal with hard people at paintings in the course of my career. Sometimes it’s been my supervisor, other instances it’s been my fellow pals or even different instances, it’s human beings in other departments.

Then there are our families. I understand it’s now not simply my family that may be extremely tough to deal with. I’ve heard enough stories from friends to understand that plenty of people’s households power them to the edge from time to time.

And don’t even get me began on handling the multitudes of humans we've to address at businesses we engage with. Be it the cellular phone business enterprise or the individual that become purported to repair my roof ultimate year. I needed to comply with up every week for nearly 4 months earlier than they sooner or later came and glued something that should have been done in the first place.

Why turned into that so tough?

There’s probably not an smooth solution for why a few people are hard to cope with. The reasons are as varied as the people are. We are all one of a kind and sometimes, it’s stunning that we get along in addition to we do.

Instead of reading why a few human beings can be so tough, let’s attention on what we are able to control — our reactions. Let’s study 10 expert strategies to address tough people.

1. Use Lots of Kindness

Look, I get it. How to deal with difficult people at work , the gut response is to be difficult proper back. When it feels like a person is attacking you, your first concept is to defend yourself. I’ve been there and still get stuck up in that after I don’t sluggish down and take a pause.

What I have observed in nearly every hard state of affairs is kindness goes a lot in addition than being hard. When two people are being hard with every other, the situation tends to escalate to some extent where nothing gets accomplished.

On the other hand, while you use masses of kindness with a difficult individual many instances, it diffuses the scenario and also you get more of what you want. This is one in all the pinnacle strategies for handling hard humans.

2. Be Compassionate

Ever heard that announcing about handling your own issues? That in case you and a gaggle of people shoved all your issues into a circle that you’d most likely take your own back after you saw every body else’s? I love that.

The point is none of us truly realize what different human beings are going thru. When dealing with a tough person, it may be they may be going via a very tough ordeal, or handling a genuinely massive trouble you wouldn’t want any part of.

Many instances whilst you show compassion to a person who's being difficult, you’ll find they respond in a effective manner. So many of us get caught in our own heads and in our very own lives that we don’t open our eyes to whilst others could use a few kindness. Give it a try the subsequent time you reflect onconsideration on it.

3. Find Something in Common

Ever observed how whilst you’re talking to a person for the first time, locating something in commonplace creates a sturdy preliminary connection? We all love to experience like a part of a group, like we belong. This is a brilliant expert approach to deal with tough human beings and one you must keep pinnacle of mind.

It’s always high-quality to discover we went to the equal university as someone, it creates a kind of kinship. My daughters are both young adults now but I used to sense a parental bond with a person while I discovered out my daughters went to the same college as their kids.

When we are able to find something in commonplace with a tough character, it is able to help make for a smoother communication afterwards.

4. Stay Calm

Have you ever received an electronic mail from someone at work that right away had you seeing red? This has passed off to me on greater events than I care to remember.

Working with a hard individual on a project may be infuriating. At my much less rational moments, I’ve received an e mail from a difficult individual whose handiest reason appears to be making things harder and greater confusing. When I haven’t paused before responding what commonly occurs is, I fireplace off an e-mail that will most effective serve to make matters worse.

Typically, if I can locate the staying power to stay calm and wait a while earlier than responding, the consequences are a whole lot better. The ability to stay calm whilst handling a tough person will help you greatly.

5. Share Your Side

Sometimes, being capable of articulate to a difficult person where you are coming from will make a huge difference.

For instance, in case you’ve been jogging into brick wall after brick wall and the tough character is your ultimate avenue for resolution, every now and then that makes a difference.

Some human beings get stuck in a preferred script of how to deal in positive situations or whilst someone asks a positive question. If you could provide some context round your unique situation, every now and then that makes a large difference.

You ought to allow them know you’ve trying to clear up your problem for months and you’ve tried X,Y, and Z however can’t get anywhere. Sometimes that is all it takes to open the empathy gates to a point and get a few assist. Give it a shot.

6. Treat with Respect

I don’t recognise a single person who likes to be dealt with like they're stupid or incompetent. When dealing with a difficult person, continually recollect to deal with them with respect. Once you begin attacking a person and appearing like they're stupid you might as properly be slamming the door close to get something done.

Treating someone disrespectfully will almost continually make matters worse and at a bare minimal make the other character now not need to do anything to assist you. It’s the same as remembering the golden rule “treat others as you would love to be handled”. Our mothers are almost always right.

7. Ignore Them

I’m a large proponent of now not interacting with poor people in my life. Why should I? All they seem to do is offer negative input and I don’t need any of that.

By the same token, occasionally the best path of action with a difficult man or woman is to ignore or avoid them. This of route will depend if you could forget about them.

For instance if this is a fellow co-worker which you don’t ought to work with much, it can be fine to without a doubt forget about them if you may.

Same issue with associates or certain humans at stores or even potentially clients. Sometimes hard customers are surely no longer worth coping with. Their needs should be better served someplace else and it’s now not always a bad idea to allow them understand they could likely find someone else who ought to assist them in the way they're wanting.

8. Control What You Can

Many matters in life we are able to manage and plenty of things we will’t. It’s always first-class to cognizance on what we will manipulate.

When managing a hard individual, consider what you are capable of control. Maybe there’s someone else you may address instead of the tough individual. They may additionally be without a doubt the first step in the chain.

Recently, I turned into trying to paintings with the advertising and marketing department on a new initiative I became placing together. I turned into instructed to touch a positive person for help due to the fact that’s what had constantly been done. When I contacted the character, I by no means were given a response. I sent more than one emails and left numerous voicemails and in no way heard back from this character. After getting extremely annoyed from never listening to back, I truely began asking other people in advertising.

Lo and behold, I located numerous people that were willing to assist me with my assignment and with a smile. I basically worked my manner round the difficult character. Control what you may.

9. Look at Yourself

Another one of the 10 expert strategies to deal with tough people is to test yourself. As in turn your attention inward. Is there something which you are doing that is making dealing with a person tougher than it needs to be?

For example in general, I am in a pretty appropriate mood. I engage with humans all day just about normal and overall, it goes fairly smoothly.

Sometimes, I’ve were given a variety of my thoughts and am looking to resolve a problem of a few sort inside my head, even while talking to other people. It has been talked about to me that I can come across as short, abrupt, and condescending once I am spending a variety of time interior my very own head and also interacting with others.

So in this example, my quick condescending responses could make an already agitated character even greater upset. Basically the way I respond is adding gasoline to the fire.

Take a observe how you are interacting with difficult people to make sure you aren’t making it worse.

10. Overcome Your Fear of Conflict

One of the exceptional strategies for dealing with hard humans is overcoming your fear of war. Many people are scared of conflicts and this could cause having hard people walk throughout them.

Dealing with a difficult individual is challenging sufficient but if you don’t get up for yourself and set up boundaries, it’s even worse. Just about all people deserves to be dealt with with respect. Don’t allow yourself to be handled poorly by a hard man or woman.

I’m no longer advocating intentionally starting war. What I am advocating isn't fearing battle within the event a difficult individual is treating you poorly. Too many humans allow others to have manage over them with the aid of not standing up for themselves when needed.

Difficult humans are all around us in every factor of our lives. I’ve really labored with many difficult humans over the years in addition to in everyday interactions with humans in a wide form of settings. I’m hopeful those 10 expert techniques to deal with hard human beings will help you the next time the state of affairs arises.

Communication with other humans is such a big key to dwelling our lives. It’s well really worth gaining knowledge of some strategies to deal with tough human beings to help us all live happier lives.

#How to deal with difficult people at work #How to be confident at work

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mamabearlarusso · 5 years ago

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Rollercoaster Ride (Journal)

After hearing a few hard truths from @extremeskate, I was honestly still a little bit nervous--gaining strength for the long and hard journey ahead--but I was keeping an eye on that light at the end of the tunnel...all morning and afternoon at work the next day.

I stepped in to check on the bonsais, during my break--something I had done more often these days, since...well, since they all left. The trees hadn't been trimmed in a while--I hadn't picked up the clippers in years, and now...I just couldn't bring myself to try again--but I would water and repot them whenever they needed it. I'd usually get called away before I finished and it was usually Anoush or Sheila with something that needed signing.

Sometimes I almost felt a presence in the room with me, for a split a second before they walked in. I guess it was just wishful thinking getting the better of me...at the beginning of the year, I was hoping that it would be Daniel turning the corner--that everything hadn't gone pear shaped and at least our kids still had their father around...during that period of radio silence, I was hoping that Robby would just drop by with some wild and crazy story explaining where he had been...it wouldn't have needed to be an apology for scaring me half to death...(I didn't--and still don't--feel I have the right to expect, let alone demand the same from him that I would Sam and Anthony...caring for someone else's child had it's own trials I was constantly trying to navigate)...but maybe just some last wish he had to fulfill for his grandfather...before picking up right where he left off last time.

This time, however...I'd be happy if he just walked in. He wouldn't have to talk to me, he wouldn't even have to look at me...I just wanted to see him. But that's just my selfishness thinking again...and of course it wasn't @robby-l-keene this time, instead it was Anoush. He was quickly escorting one of the new eager employees away from the doorway. I hadn't really thought about it until then, but whenever I had heard anyone talking to the customers about the bonsais...it was him. He didn't even say anything...just a tight little smile and nod, and then they were gone. As the sounds echoed down the hallway, I heard the employee asking him when she'd be able to hand out the trees, but I never did hear his answer.

Part of getting back to living my life, after everything that had been going on, was to gain some stability...again...and actually keep it. Work was rather easy going at the moment, the kids were...well, they were a work in progress--being a single mother was another tight rope I was still trying to learn. If I was honest with myself, my mind was dumb enough to wander--once or twice--and think about what Lucille would have had to say...strictly as a single mother's point of view and not a mother-in-law's, of course...but she was never strictly a one topic type of person and if you can imagine the tangents she would go off on...then that's exactly where she went, well at least in my mind she did.

So, that left friends. I hadn't seen too much of @dr-ali-mills lately, that brunch and girl's movie night had been discussed and rescheduled on a few occasions...but after the online debacle, I was having almost no trouble at all sliding right back into my high school defenses. (Some big drama over a boy happens...you better get ready for the backlash from the popular girls.) I know it sounds crazy, I'm a grown woman...why am I so out of it? Did I ever really grow out of my insecurities? Or were they just lying dormant, until the shit hit the fan at the epic levels I had stopped preparing for...a long time ago?

Seeing Ali's number glaring at me from my phone, I remembered the last time we were together--the impromptu brunch after I got back from The Rattlesnake. After hearing the big explosive news about whatever Johnny and I were, she did admit that it wasn't exactly her favorite thing--even teasing that Teen Ali would've had a few choice ideas for my new hair style, if ever given the chance--but she did also say she'd be there for me...even if it hurt. Ali's been a good friend--a great one even, given the mess I've dumped on her, time and time again. A quick memory flashes across...the look on her face when I gave her the friendship bracelet for Christmas. We might not be BFFs, as they say--just yet--but I've come a long way since high school, and I wasn't going to ruin it by falling back on old habits. Time to grab my board and jump back on that half-pipe.

...and I missed it by THAT much. I didn't even get the chance to hit the call button.

Someone must have decided to give me a break and grant a few wishes--though that someone also had a weird sense of humor, because I got not only one--but two--bittersweet surprises. A text from Robby...he finally reached out...and he didn't even yell at me. (Yeah, well, just wait for it. Can't you just let me have this one thing?) Anyway, he sent up the signal, because he was worried about his dad. Which--in context--would've also made me happy, because that meant that they were talking to each other again, if I hadn't gotten the text right after the first surprise of the night...a drunken call from @everyonesfavoritegoldenboy.

I didn't know what the hell was going on, it might have been because he was only half making sense thru the slurred speech or because my ears started ringing when he said that he'd been in town and didn't tell me. My mind went on overdrive trying to figure what 'all this time' actually meant. Driving around the usual spots, memories flashing of the last time I went looking for him, worrying that 'you ought to have someone better' meant that I'd have to risk losing him...again!

Everything stopped when I saw him...slumped there at the bar. The worry and fear of what I'd be walking into...the irrational anger over his silence and disregard for my feelings, making decisions without giving me a say in any of it...(Why would he? You're not exclusive...you're not even...I don't know what you'd call what you are. I said it was irrational, didn't I?)...but all went stand still when I saw his face. For weeks, I had only heard his voice a few times...but nothing of his living, breathing face. (Oh god, you're sounding like a teenager. Right?! Next thing you know, I'll be writing his name on my binder...I didn't even do that when I was a teenager!)

Seeing him there, with his guys around him, he was a mess...but I just wanted to hold him and make him feel better. (This all really kind of started that way anyway...when you think about it.) The whole rest of the night was, well...being so close to him after so long--it was intoxicating...and I'm not talking about the alcohol...okay, maybe some of it was the alcohol. Let's just say I'm very impressed with myself, that things didn't go the way they may have in my younger days, and I was able to go back home with a mostly clear conscience. Emphasis on the mostly.

After getting Johnny home from the bar, seeing those eyes of his watch me and feeling his warm skin and his lips tease me...having to put a stop to it before things got out of hand--only to strip him down for bed and hop in next to him...(Hey, I know he was drunk off his ass and didn't think I was really me, but I missed him so much and he was so hurt and broken...it was breaking my heart...but nothing happened, I swear, I put my arm around him and we just fell asleep. Yup...you definitely sound like a teenager.)...going back home to an empty bed, felt cold and lonely. In fact, the last time it felt THAT cold and lonely...was the morning after I came back from The Rattlesnake.

It didn't take too long before I made my way back there...but it was just a lunch break check in. (Sure...) Okay, there was a little fun teasing in between cooking up and eating a quick meal. (Which reminds me, I have to take that man shopping and teach him how to cook, or at least how I cook. Might even break down and make some chicken salad from scratch next time.) Then I find out that the reason behind the night at the bar was another near knock-down drag-out with Robby. I think I figured as much, given his timing. Both Lawrence boys contacting me on the same night--after nothing for days. Something went down.

Long story--already too long to be--short, Robby's mother @iamtheladyshannon was in a facility. There was a bunch of drama to go with it (as there always is when those nightmare houses are concerned), but the main problem at the moment was the subject of the constant and ongoing payment. Let's just say, father and son were at odds as how to go about it. I didn't and still don't know the whole story, but I had a laundry list of reasons why I had to do something to help anyway.

Once I was off the phone with @drlivingstoneipresume, awaiting another stomach churning encounter with yet more hospital paperwork...(Don't forget the next trip down memory lane. Shut up.)...it was just Johnny and me again. He had snuggled next to me on the couch, after his talk with @nursejoylove at the door. His hand had found mine, while I was still talking, and it had allowed me to calm down a bit. Having been able to get through the call with a relative coolness, and put something in motion that would help someone in need and by extension ease two people that I care about deeply...I felt a weight had lifted, at least for the time being. Lying back with his head on my shoulder and our fingers comfortably entangled, felt...nice. I went over the details with him, even though he probably heard most of it--I think running through it again, just helped both of us let it sink in...something was being done, we just had to wait.

He got quiet for a moment...'Baby...I don't want to cut this short...But Diaz... he's...'

I knew he'd be going to see @therunawaystudent eventually, if he hadn't already. One reason why I didn't let what bits and parts I overheard of their own conversation, get to me. (It did sound a bit familiar... No! I'm not going to start picking apart every interaction with every woman I see him with...this isn't high school and I'm not the jealous girlfriend. Yeah, and how well did that work for you with your own husband? No...shut up...this isn't about me, this about the boys...don't try and ruin this moment for me.)

Trying not to think about the renewed implications from my visit this weekend--too hard--I smiled warmly...you should have seen the look on his face. 'You mean you knew too? Have I lived in a cave??'

I couldn't help the thought that shot in my mind... "Oh, I don't know, seen any bats lately?" I was able to keep a straight face, until his finger bopped me on the nose. He shook his head trying not to smile. The light mood didn't last too long, though...my back to him as I gathered my things, trying to get the words out. That I was mere feet away from his door, when I brought @chickskickasstoo over to visit Miguel, not even a week ago. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, it was already a long day with too many emotions running around to deal with that too.

He walked me back to my car and I kissed him goodbye with a promising wink for a future trip. God, I love that smirk! It was just what I needed to finish the work day.

#cobra kai rp #amanda #robby #ali #johnny #I'm a mess...as always #but he's here...it wasn't a dream #the long road ahead with the lawrence boys is starting to look better #journal again

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selenecrawford · 6 years ago

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The Odd Pair 4

Warnings: Cursing, intense fluff (let me know if is Fluff or not please)

Selene managed to get her way with the wedding. It was a civil ceremony without any celebration. Her excuse was perfect, she was still mourning her father and she didn't wanted a celebration in respect for him. Shingen suggested a soft lavender dress he saw at one of the town stores. Selene declined, she said she had the perfect dress, when Shingen request seeing it she indicated it was a surprise. Shingen prayed she will not dare to make an spectacle on the day of the ceremony. Selene carefully cleaned the house. The lack of work was driving her crazy. She needed something to do. Once the master bedroom was cleaned she tried to place the bed but it was too heavy. Still she was working on a way to move it when Shingen found her. He had been trying to call her but she never responded. He got worried.

“Princess what you think you are doing?”

“Trying to move the bed, I need it on a place far side the window, I don't like sunlight hitting me that early in the morning.”

“Well I like it near the window...”

“OK, time out. If we are going to sleep on the same bed, I have to be honest then. I'm afraid of lightning that's why I'm trying move the bed from the window.” Selene decided that her best policy on some of her battles with Shingen will be the truth. If something Shingen was good at was sniffing a lie. Thru out the years, she learned how to lie. It was one of many skills she needed to survive on the real world. Shingen was an expert not letting people know what he was thinking or feeling so looking at his eyes while considering that piece of information was crucial. She could study him in order to see how he really think.

“I understand, then I will call Yuki to get some help.” he replied with a nod.

Selene smiled she was crouched and when she tried to stand up a wave of dizziness got her and her vision started spinning. Bracing for impact she felt she was floating. Shingen's voice was closer than usual but at the same time distant.

“Selene? Selene are you okay? What's wrong?”

Shingen took her to her room and lay her down on the bed. Taking a look at her she was pale and sweating. He was about to call Ieyasu when Selene took his wrist.

“Sorry, can you get me some juice? I haven't eat nothing since breakfast, I'm just hungry.”

Shingen went to the kitchen and got some fruit and a glass of juice with some added sugar. He will bite her head off later, but he was angry. She wasn't taking care of herself, this was something that made him worried. Walking back to the room he found her sitting with her head resting on her knees.

“Selene here drink this, I pour some extra sugar.” Selene took the glass with some tremble on her hands. Shingen was now frowning silently.

Selene could felt the anger on his eyes. (Well, at least I know he cares.) she thought.

“When was the last time you got something to eat?” Shingen pulled on a strand of hair behind her ear. The gesture was nice full of warmth. Selene felt a bit warmer inside. Her cheeks got some rosy color. She kept drinking until she felt a bit less dizzy. The trembling disappear but Shingen took the glass from her and put it on the night table.

“Thanks, I think my last meal was this morning.”

“And what did you ate?” continue Shingen asking.

“Well, I ate, wait why are you so interested on my eating habits so suddenly?” Selene took a look at Shingen to get a reading on his face.

Shingen was looking at her seriously, after speaking with Jonathan he got another call from him. He wanted to let him know that sometimes Selene was so focused on a task that she would forget to eat. He thought it was an exaggeration until now. When he took her in his arms she was light, perhaps too light for her own good.

“Because it seems you are not eating enough. I don't mind if you want to turn the place upside down, but I don't want you die on me ok?” Shingen got up from the bed.

He took a long look at Selene, the girl was easy to read the woman he got before him was a total enigma. He was starting to understand that maybe there were somethings he need to investigate regarding her past 20 years.

Selene on her part was weighing her options. Right now she was going to be living with a man for a year. And incredible hot sexy one. Which was also a master at reading people, strategist and getting what he wants. Her options, were almost non existent in the sense for her to get out of that predicament.

“I'm not your enemy Selene, shall we make a truce?”

The sudden question make her jump scaring her. Her emotions were all disorganized, she need to think, organize and decide. A branch of olive was presented to her. While she get her defenses back again she will have to see what Shingen has to offer her.

“OK, what you propose?” putting her hands behind her back Selene started opening and closing her hands in fist. It was a way to curb her anxiety.

(At least she is standing down, OK let's see where can go from this.) Shingen felt internally relieved that Selene wanted to at least talk. He wondered why she hide her hands behind her. Another puzzle he might need to put the pieces together.

“Why not talk about it while eating something. I will help you with what you need after that, deal?” Shingen smiled at her seeing how her cheeks get a nice pink shade.

“OK, Takeda you win again.” rolling her eyes Selene went to the kitchen with him.

The wedding took place two weeks later. Selene faithful to her word went dress all in black as a surprise. Shingen was dress on a nice black suit with a white shirt and red tie. Shingen had to bite his tongue, Selene was proving to be indeed full of surprises, not that all were nice ones. While in the beginning it was fun to spite Shingen, Selene was feeling tense, and nervous. The gang was there only two of them knew about the situation. Besides them, Shingen's mother and a couple of friends from his family also were there. Selene was worried what will the others will think about her? Cursing her anxiety and insecurities, Selene wore her Armour as tight as she could. The ceremony only took ten minutes, once the signing was done. Everyone went outside the court of justice to congratulate the newlyweds.

“Selene congratulations, my dear girl, welcome to the family.” Kaede Takeda, Shingen's mother told Selene while given her a hug.

Selene relaxed when she hugged Shingen's mother. She felt she could trust her.

“Thank you Mrs. Takeda, I'm glad to be part of the family.” Selene smiled genuinely. Her other interactions went pleasant, she managed to fool all except two people of the group. Shingen and Masamune. The men at some point stood face to face. Masamune was not hiding his anger at Shingen.

“Takeda?” raising his eyebrow Masamune didn't attempt to shake hands.

“Date, I know in the past you both used to be best friends with my wife. So I want due to that old bond ask to please do not meddle in the middle of our relationship. If, not...”

Masamune cut him off. “Or What? Listen Takeda, she is a great woman. Treat her with respect, she is not one of those one night stands you had. She needs someone to care for her. Not to use her. And if you hurt her I'm going to hunt you down...”

“Guys, will you calm down? This look more like a duel than a wedding.” Nobunaga cut them off and stood in the middle acting normal. “Selene right now is tense, Shingen, is she alright?”

“So far, she's been acting stressed out since the lecture of the testament. I'm working on a truce...”

“And he calls himself a ladies man.”Mitsuhide stood next to Shingen smirking at his words. “Selene is not the enemy, she used to play with us remember or you suddenly forgot about it?”

“I thought she was more intelligent than your brother Shingen.” Ieyasu was now next to Masamune. As always the grumpy with the firecracker.

Shingen was getting fed up with them. It was enough that Masamune was so close to her now the rest were on his case.

Selene saw from the distance the exchange, she noticed Shingen was in trouble. Excusing herself, she went to see the group. By now, he had each hand closed on a fist. Squinting her eyes, Selene knew something must need to be done. Taking a look at the man that now was her husband she couldn't stop smiling. While part of her was feeling miserable another felt completely greedy and euphoric, man at some point she wish...stopping her train of thought she arrived at the group with a soft smile.

“Hey guys, are you behaving and being nice with my “hubby” uh?” The word sounded playful, caring. Shingen suddenly was weary of Selene sudden calm. “It's everything OK, princess?”

“I'm good, just checking on you. Btw, you got something on your chin.”

Shingen started cleaning his face. “Is it better now?”

“No, could you let me help you? Selene got a napkin on her hand and waited for Shingen to lower his face closer. Shingen was a full six feet one inch tall, Selene was five foot, five but since she was wearing heels was now on five foot seven. Still Shingen was taller than her. Once he inclined a bit their faces were close and Shingen let her clean his face while observing her. Carefully she cleaned his chin and before finishing she closed the distance and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

“With the nerves we forgot to kiss at the end of the ceremony, better late than never. Right guys?” giving a playful wink to a flustered Shingen, the gang except Masamune started to applaud Selene's bold movement while she smiling went away.

If she had slap him on the face it wouldn't had been any different. Shingen felt her soft lips touching him briefly while the tip of her tongue caressed his upper lip. There were very few times someone could had surprised him more than Selene had done. She might had used the situation to kiss him or she was warning him that they need to keep the appearances for the sake of the others. For a few seconds he forgot everything around him. What only mattered to him were those lips. Those soft delicious lips on his. His heart started to race. OK this is wrong, how could she had done that to him without he noticing it? Turning to the gang Shingen flip them and went to look for Selene.

“Should we go to see they are ok?” Hideyoshi was about follow them when Nobunaga put his arm in front of them.

“You know the saying Hideyoshi, three are a crowd. Those two, need time. That's why maybe her father did that stupid testament.”

“You think?” asked Hideyoshi still skeptical.

“Wanna bet, I bet twenty Selene, will make that guy cry.” said Mitsuhide waving a twenty in front of the guys.

Laughing Nobunaga took out a twenty dollar bill. “Sure why not, I bet that she at least will get one tear out of him.”

Selene managed to find a bench a bit retired from the others. She took a seat feeling her heart about to go out of her rib cage. She didn't it. She finally kissed him and it was amazing. Selene couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. Taking several breaths to calm down she got startled when Shingen sit next to her suddenly.

“Jesus Takeda, are you a ninja? You almost killed me from a heart attack.” it was hard to be grumpy not after that kiss.

Shingen didn't said a word he simply pulled her closed to him surprising her with a passionate kiss. His lips were soft and demanding, his tongue started a delicious assault combined with little nibbles. The tactic was good and the strategy paid off. Selene parted her lips briefly, his tongue took the advantage and invaded her mouth exploring her hungrily. Moaning softly, Selene responded to the kiss with the same passion he was giving it to her. Their tongues dance until, they went out of breath. Panting, to recover, Shingen smiled and softly whispered to her lips. Selene had trouble hearing it since her heart was pounding wildly.

“This my dear wife is a proper “You may kiss the bride kiss.” after that he didn't wait another second and started kissing her again.

@elievalentine @colivara @notsafefortum-blr @datemasamunemaiwaifu @unstoppablelinda @epicdragonlady @yeshasays @masa-little-kitten @mikamiw @kimi00twin @kouei116 @blue-bean-exe @mitsuhidethesnek @la-piperina @pirateprincessyuki @jennacat84 @valfraeyja @little-blue-octopus @sengokuotaku82 @serenity-writes @xathia-89 @shouta-bakugou @cailannuesugi @kitsune-mana

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Notes: Thank you again, I’m really glad you are liking the story so far, I’m pulling for something totally different from the first story. Again comments, likes, shares are welcome.

#ikesen #ikesen shingen #fanfic

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gracedandelioninkmind · 5 years ago

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Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

#gray asexual #personal experience #asexual spectrum #bisexual #pansexual

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