#I just want to leave
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I really can't handle today I'm at my limit
#protag.txt#im sad disappointed overwhelmed and overstimulated all at the same time i just want to be left alone by people in my home#and i dont even want to go in my room because its messy#and my cousin has taken over the family desk for a week now.#i just want to leave
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Idk if too many more of you will care, but Jason's going on semi-hiatus.
I'm at the point where I wake up panicking and I'm looking to move out as soon as possible with a very limited budget. If I'm lucky, by the end of October I'll be in a smaller, cheaper apartment I can call my own.
Right now, the priority is to save up money and find that super cheap, tiny place to live. I have good friends who love me offering a computer for me, so that's not a problem after I move.
... Really nervous. Money will basically be non-existent for a while til December. And even then, I might not have a place by the end of the month.
Here's hoping.
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tw sui ideation
elliot version
psychiatric hospital got me even more su|c|dal
elliot version
#tw sucidal ideation#tw sui ideation#psychotic episode#psychiatric hospital#hospitalisation#schizophrenia#actually schizophrenic#c ptsd#actually cptsd#elliot alderson#mr robot#darlene alderson#i just want to leave#and finally rest forever#depression#mental illness#depressing shit#i hate my brain
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my brother just explicitly said to me that he doesn't believe children should be allowed to see queer people and i want to put my fucking head through the wall
#what happened#youtube is so fucking toxic#ultimately it's my dads fault for telling him in the first place but my brother didn't agree with him until he started watching those videos#i just#can't understand how anyone thinks that#i legitimately wonder if i confronted him with it if he would believe i shouldn't be around my sisters#he's fucking 14 does he think this applies to himself as well??#he thinks he's fucking oppressed because he's a straight white boy#he actually thinks that#and i can see that it hurts him#how do you even respond to that#he has no idea what it's like to actually fear these things#no concept of how his privilege affects him#he thinks he's more likely to be expelled than a black kid for the same thing#which is so violently not true??#i'm so tired#i just want to leave#i tried for so many years to save him and i can't do it anymore#shouldn't have been my job in the first place
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the funniest thing to me about being a rise!aprite//o shipper is, once you join the server, you realize just how many people actually do ship it but aren't public or vocal about it bc of the hate
then u see these fans who act all superior and say "yeah i would NEVER interact with or follow someone who ships april/turtle ships! disgusting!!" and im like buddy. pal. i guarantee you already are, you just don't know it
#im not outing anyone who hasnt already outed themselves ✌️#im taking the book of apritellers with me to the grave#squeakys apritello propaganda#it just. genuinely makes me sad tho.#seeing so many great artists hide their artwork in the privacy of a server#how many pieces and ideas and creations arent being shared#i like rise and i want to be a part of the fandom but when yall act so just. outright hostile and arrogant.#i just want to leave
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I don’t know why I’m even a little bit hurt anymore
#tw vent#I really shouldn’t be surprised#I kinda hope this is the last thing I say here#I just end up pushing everyone away and getting hurt when they don’t care anymore#I can’t even be clear with what I want and I’m walking on fucking eggshells#I can’t even make art or write anymore#All I can do is fail my classes and hurt people and just fuck everything up#People don’t even talk to me much unless I’m miserable or they’re bored and I’m just#Easy I guess#I just want to leave#i wont be missed and it would be so much easier for everyone else#I’m just making things more complicated and worse
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Started to realise that where you were born doesn't make it home. Started to realise that I really don't want to live in this place and never come back. Started to realise I don't care who I'll leave behind and who will miss me. Started to realise I want to be selfish and stop listening to others. Started to realise this post was a waste of time
:p
#im tired#im done#i just want to leave#right now#make something#be something#stop listening to fucking people problems guess they be saying their whole fucking story life#and im just there having to listening cuz otherwise im not a good person#im not a good friend#a good sister#a good daughter#a good teen#not an example#if i answer back they say i have a fucking attitude#well excuse you im so sorry for speaking up for fucking once#i cant do this#i desperately need to leave#why need therapy when i can just go away#im venting too much#lmao#im prolly will delete this
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me when i just want to disappear off the face of the earth but ive already bothered my friends enough so ive come here to complain
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overwhelmed with the feeling of how much I want to leave this hellhole of a house for good
#even my shitty apartment with the broken heating and the dodgy water heater was more of a home than this house ever was#it's tearing me apart always having to be on guard here to keep myself protected from the moldy crumbling walls and my parents ignorance#they may have created me but they don't know anything about me and don't care to learn#they have hurt me in so many ways and robbed me of my childhood and teen years and are still a burden on my mental health#and they have the audacity to act like everything is fine and dandy between us. they don't know me#and i don't want them to know me tbh#i just want to leave#i want to find a place where i feel comfortable and where i can rest for the first time in my life#where i am surrounded by people who see me and know me and care about me#i want to feel loved and seen for the first time in my life#no more pain no more punishments no more hate. i am begging on my knees
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Only if my will to live was as strong as my urge to be hugged from behind lol
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i'm genuinely so ready to end it all.
#🦋 — brain go brrr#fuck biology#fuck getting into university#fuck high school#fuck the curriculum#fuck my dreams of becoming a psychiatrist#it can go rot in hell#i don't care#i just want to leave#and be happy#somewhere#alone#i hate it here
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I have to do something, I have to stop sitting around and waiting for the right time, it's already a good time, why not do it now
#i could walk away#i dont have to come back#just sit and watch and then just do something#home is more important than whatever next week cam do#i already feel like i wont see anyone again#i just want to leave#itll be better for us all if i can get some peace. move on#and the world can be free of whatever is binding myself to it#because thats the problem#it is obvious something is about to happen#so if i go now then itll be fine#i just have to not return#i just have to get through it
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do you ever hate the country you live in
#suzy.txt#ive lived in germany all my life but i feel like i just dont belong here#i just want to leave#hopefully next year i can finally move#watch me get angry anons
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yep. couldn't have worded that better. when when when. only thing i'm waiting for. leave.
#euphoria#rue#zendaya#mental illness#depressing shit#depression#actually cptsd#actually schizophrenic#actually mentally ill#i just want to leave
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i dont wanna die. i dont wanna admit i am a pathetic weak loser who couldn't do anything. i dont wanna admit that despite everything mama has given me it still wasn't enough for me to stay. they are enough. i am not.
#i just want to leave#i want to run out of this place#far far away where the guilt wont catch up to me#where i dont have to be able to be anything. where i dont need to do anything#where everyone doesnt care about your talent and skills#where i dont have to care about my talent and skills#i have so much dreams that will stay as a dream#i just want to be able to do something
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whens megatron coming back
#transformers#transformers one#transformers fanart#optimus prime#megatron#elita one#bumblebee#b 127#i wish bee had a reaction to megatron leaving 😭😭😭#like thats a third of his friend group 😭#i feel like hed 100% be super clingy too#i wish megatron and bee had more screentime together....#annoying little yellow guy that u have to deal with#fine... ill do it myself...#i just want bee to interact with everyone and be happy and have fun and pplay with touys
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