#I just want to be gone from this appointment
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Omgomgomg hiiiii 🥹🥹🥹🩷🩷🌷🌷🌷🌷 can I request an instance where Sukuna’s pregnant wife visits him at his job and he’s the CEO.
Context:
So like no one in the office knows what his wife looks like. He’s insanely private about his life. (Also cause he’s involved in shady stuff and doesn’t want anyone to know the identity of his wife. He meets with a lot of crooked business men on and off the clock.)
But yea the office only know he’s married because of the ring he wears.
So when his gorgeous, thick and very pregnant wife goes to the reception saying “Hi, is Ryomen busy? I’m his wife. I brought muffins for everyone I ate a couple I hope that’s okay.” in the sweetest voice with the biggest smile, the entire floor is in shock. (They know she’s not lying because of the ginormous light pink rock of a wedding ring that’s on her finger. It’s identical to his hair obvi hehe)
But like yeah! She comes to the office for the first time and all the workers just fall in love with how sweet she is. So they scramble to help her and hold her bag and offer her food from the break room and tell her how pretty she is and maybe Sukuna’s personal assistant even gets pulled away and that’s when he notices that everybody’s nearly gone and he finally finds her surrounded by everyone in the break room and maybe he takes her to his office and his mind is reeling thinking something’s wrong with the baby but it just ended up her being like “I’m sorry I know I could have called but look! The baby’s kicking!” And he falls in love with her all over again.
I think it’d be so cute 😭🩷 he seems like the type of hubby to call his wife “flower” or “petal”. Smut is totally up to you I won’t be opposed to it. But eeee!!! I thought it’d be a cute fluffy little fic
One Sukuna fic with a side of Sunshine and a Pregnant Wife coming right up!!! <3
Sukuna x Black pregnant reader
The bustling office of Sukuna Enterprises was alive with its usual energy phones ringing, keyboards clicking, and hushed conversations about deadlines. Ryomen Sukuna, the enigmatic and ruthlessly efficient CEO, was in the middle of one of his intense back-to-back meetings. His presence cast a long shadow over the entire floor. Everyone knew to tread carefully; Sukuna tolerated no mistakes.
The only personal detail anyone knew about him was that he was married, courtesy of the massive, rose-pink diamond ring he wore on his left hand. But beyond that? Nothing. Sukuna was intensely private, and no one had dared to ask for more. Speculation abounded, but without any concrete details, his wife remained a mystery.
Until today.
The receptionist was the first to spot her: a stunning woman in a flowing maternity dress that hugged her very pregnant belly. Her curls framed her glowing face, and she carried a basket of muffins in one hand and a slightly overstuffed purse in the other.
“Hi there!” she greeted with a bright smile, her voice warm and melodic. “Is Mr. Sukuna in? I’d like to see him, please.”
The receptionist blinked, momentarily thrown off by the casual tone. "Do you have an appointment?" she asked, her professional instincts kicking in.
“Oh, no, no appointment,” the woman replied with a light laugh. “But I’m sure he won’t mind.”
The receptionist hesitated. No one—no one—saw Sukuna without an appointment. “And you are?”
“Oh, just a friend,” the woman said coyly, her warm smile never faltering. “I brought muffins for everyone, too! I… might have eaten a couple on the way. They smelled so good.”
Her charm was effortless, but the receptionist wasn’t entirely convinced. As she considered what to do, a curious junior associate walked past and froze at the sight of the woman. His gaze flicked between her and the receptionist.
“Who’s she?” he whispered, not quite quietly enough.
“I don’t know,” the receptionist whispered back.
Within minutes, whispers began to spread. A stunning, heavily pregnant woman had walked into Sukuna Enterprises asking for their untouchable boss. No one knew who she was, but the expensive jewelry on her hand, especially the light pink diamond, caught more than a few eyes. The resemblance to Sukuna’s wedding ring sparked theories.
Could it be… her?
The whispers grew louder as more employees found excuses to pass by the reception area, stealing glances at the mysterious woman.
Despite the growing attention, she remained perfectly at ease. When someone offered to carry her purse, she laughed softly and accepted, the basket of muffins still in her other hand.
“Oh, thank you so much! It’s a bit heavier than I thought,” she said, her tone dripping with gratitude.
Soon, the break room became her destination. Chairs were pulled out for her, snacks and drinks were offered, and she was surrounded by employees eager to accommodate her. Her gentle laughter filled the space as she chatted with everyone, thanking them for their kindness and answering their curious but polite questions in a way that revealed little.
Meanwhile, in his corner office, Sukuna noticed something strange. The usual buzz of activity on the floor had dwindled to near silence. His crimson eyes narrowed. Something was off.
Stepping out of his office, Sukuna’s gaze swept over the nearly deserted floor. His jaw tightened. “What the hell is going on?” he muttered under his breath, following the faint sound of laughter.
When he reached the break room, the scene before him made his steps falter.
Her.
His wife.
The woman no one in his office had ever seen, the woman he kept carefully hidden from the chaos of his professional life, sat there, glowing with happiness, her round belly resting comfortably as she laughed with his staff.
“What is going on here?” Sukuna’s deep, commanding voice sliced through the air.
The room went silent instantly. Employees scrambled to make space for him, their faces pale as they realized they’d been caught slacking.
Her head turned, and her smile brightened at the sight of him.
“Ryo!” she said warmly, completely unfazed by his intimidating presence. She gestured for him to come closer. “Come here!”
He crossed the room in two long strides, his crimson eyes scanning her from head to toe. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice quieter but edged with concern. “Is something wrong?”
Her expression softened as she reached for his hand and placed it on her belly. “Nope! I just missed you. And look the baby’s kicking!”
For a moment, Sukuna’s icy demeanor cracked. His sharp features softened as he felt the gentle thump beneath his palm.
“You could’ve called, Petal,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with something uncharacteristically tender.
“Where’s the fun in that?” she teased, her eyes sparkling.
His lips twitched, almost forming a smile, but then his sharp gaze flicked to the stunned employees still lingering near the door. “Get back to work. Now.”
They scattered like leaves in the wind, murmuring apologies as they fled the room.
Turning back to his wife, Sukuna wrapped a protective arm around her and guided her toward his office. Once inside, he helped her settle onto the plush couch, his eyes never leaving her.
“You’re going to cause chaos every time you visit, Flower,” he said, a rare hint of amusement in his voice.
“Maybe,” she replied with a cheeky grin. “But I brought muffins to make up for it.”
He shook his head, his thumb brushing over her knuckles as he sat beside her. Despite the whirlwind she’d caused, Sukuna found himself staring at her, utterly captivated. She always had a way of turning his world upside down in the best possible way.
And the chaos? Oh, it didn’t end there.
For the rest of the week, the entire office buzzed with stories about her surprise visit. Who could’ve imagined that the stoic, intimidating Ryomen Sukuna was married to such a sweet, cheerful woman? The way she smiled, the way she treated everyone with kindness, the way she looked the staff couldn’t stop talking about her.
Rumors swirled, theories were formed, and every detail was analyzed. But one thing was certain: Mrs. Sukuna had left an impression that no one would forget anytime soon.
Divider by : @bernardsbendystraws
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#x black reader#x black fem reader#jjk x black y/n#jjk drabbles#jjk fic#jjk fluff#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader fluff#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna jjk#jjk ryomen#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x black reader#ryomen x reader#ryomen x you#ryomen fluff#ryomen x y/n#sukuna ryoumen x you#sukuna ryoumen x reader#ryomen sukuna x black reader#ryomen sukuna x reader
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hii never requested before so lmk if this is wrong somehow, but im curious on how you think the boys would be if they realized you were experiencing medical malpractice. (negligence, failure to diagnose, etc.) i would like all the boys, but if not, doing only zayne is fine! (most curious for him just cuz he’s a doctor lol) tysm :)
All of them are incredibly angry on your behalf. He can't believe you're going through that, being hurt by someone who's meant to help you. You'd been seeing this doctor for a while, so of course you trust them, thinking that they were doing what was good for you. However, your lack of progress started concerning you and you ended up secretly getting a second opinion, dismayed when another doctor told you that they had no idea what your primary physician was doing.
Sylus and Rafayel want to absolutely decimate your physician's practise, and will do so behind the scenes. They don't want to drag you into the situation, but wants to do something about it. He uses his money to expose the scummy things your doctor did, making sure that their professional reputation is tarnished.
Sylus goes a step further, aiming to have their credentials revoked from them as further punishment for what they've done to you.
Rafayel doesn't go that far since he doesn't care - unless you want him to - but regardless, they're both going to spend a bunch of money getting you a private doctor.
Zayne and Xavier decide to come to your appointment to see what's happening. He judges quietly, observing what your doctor does and taking mental notes of it.
Xavier not having a medical background means he decides to ask more questions about why or why not your doctor won't do certain things, asking them to record everything to a tee on your chart. He makes it very clear that he's not impressed with their work and should expect a call from a medical board very soon.
Zayne doesn't reveal that he's a doctor until he decides things have gone too far, telling your doctor to their face how unprofessional they are and that he's going to see to it that nobody falls for their trickery again. His judgement is widely respected amongst the community, therefore making it incredibly hard for your doctor to continue working the second he brings up the slightest doubt against them.
#love and deepspace x reader#l&ds x reader#lads x reader#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#l&ds zayne x reader#l&ds xavier x reader#l&ds rafayel x reader#lads rafayel x reader#lads sylus x reader#lads xavier x reader#lads zayne x reader
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14 🤲🥺
14. A kiss to the stomach
Chrissy stands at the bathroom counter as she opens a cheerfully purple box marked Ovulation Predictor Test. She chews her lip as she unfolds the creased instruction page to peer at the tiny print.
A pamphlet from her obstetrician that reads ‘How easy is it to plan a winter baby?’ lays near the sink, a squishy infant with a fleece hat shooting her a gummy grin from the center of the page.
Sighing, Chrissy runs a hand through her hair.
When she and Eddie had decided to stop using birth control, she hadn’t been prepared for trying to get pregnant being as complicated as advanced calculus.
And she’d been really bad at calculus.
Before her annual earlier that month, she hadn’t known that things like ovulation tests existed. Naively, she’d thought that she and Eddie would just… have sex and make a baby.
Turns out it’s a lot more involved than that.
“Alrighty, looks like we’re just doing the pap today,” Dr. Whitman had said at Chrissy’s last appointment. “Give me one minute to put your vitals in the system here and then we’ll go ahead and get started.”
“Oh, take your time,” Chrissy had replied politely.
She’d glanced down at her socked feet as they hung off the side of the exam bed, absently twisting the hem of the thin, blue gown she was wearing.
Her pulse fluttered against her throat when she’d looked up at the framed poster on the wall in front of her titled Pregnancy & Birth.
The thought of a life growing inside of her—a fragile combination of chromosomes with ten tiny fingers and two little eyes—was as wonderful as it was terrifying.
“Um, actually,” Chrissy had started with an odd sort of trembly joy in her chest. “We’ve—I mean, my husband and I—we’ve decided to start trying for a baby. That’s, um, probably something I should’ve mentioned before.”
“Oh, that’s great news! Congratulations,” Dr. Whitman had said with a wide smile. “How exciting.”
“Yeah, we’re excited.”
“Have you already stopped using contraception?”
“Yes, maybe… around three weeks ago? I was using a diaphragm.”
“And you’ve had intercourse since?”
Chrissy’s cheeks had gone hot. This is your doctor, she reminded herself. That’s a normal question to ask.
“Yes.”
She’d fidgeted on the exam bed, paper crinkling beneath her as she tried not to think about the last time she and Eddie had had sex.
About the deliciously filthy things he’d whispered in her ear while he’d fucked her from behind, his hand at the back of her neck.
That hadn’t seemed like an appropriate thing to think about in a doctor’s office. It sent a tingly little shiver up her spine, anyway.
“You said the first day of your last period was the eleventh?”
Chrissy had cleared her throat.
“That’s right.”
Dr. Whitman nodded as she’d clacked on her keyboard. Turning back to Chrissy, she clasped her hands together.
“Well, Chrissy. Let’s go ahead and do some bloodwork while you’re here. There’s a chance that you may already be pregnant.”
Chrissy’s heart had flown into her throat.
“Really?”
“It’s certainly possible. Might as well go ahead and check, right?”
Twenty torturously long minutes later, Dr. Whitman had come back into the room with a look on her face that told Chrissy all she needed to know.
“Don’t worry. No two couples are the same,” Dr. Whitman assured her. “Just because you haven’t conceived yet doesn’t mean you won’t.”
Chrissy had driven home with a new hollowness in her heart, a melancholic longing for something she hadn’t even known she wanted.
“What’s the verdict, sweetness? Are we procreating today?”
Chrissy startles, the husky warmth of a familiar voice pulling her back to the present.
She looks up to see Eddie leaning against the doorframe, his mouth twisted into that impishly handsome grin of his. Her stomach flutters a bit, just like it had the first time she’d seen it.
"Eddie. You scared me," Chrissy chides halfheartedly. "And did you just use the word procreate?"
“Yeah, baby, you and me," Eddie says, stepping toward Chrissy to twine his arms around her waist. "We’re repopulating the planet, remember?”
Splaying her hands over Eddie's chest, Chrissy absentmindedly hooks a finger into the silver chain dangling from his neck as she looks up at him.
“How about we start with one?”
Eddie knits his brow in mock contemplation.
“I can agree to those terms, I guess. Just remember that we’re humanity’s last hope.”
Pushing herself up onto her toes, Chrissy presses her lips to Eddie's. He hums softly against her mouth as his grip on her waist tightens.
"What'd your test say, huh?" he asks eagerly, gravelly and low. "We got the green light to go ahead and get started?"
“Ugh,” Chrissy groans, pulling away with a frustrated sigh. “Eddie, this is just so weird.”
Eddie blinks.
"I’m sorry, Chris," he says sincerely, "I was really just kidding, sweetheart. Shit, I didn’t mean t—“
“No, not that,” Chrissy clarifies, softening a bit. “Just… this. The calendars and the tests. Scheduling sex. It feels very… clinical. Mechanical.”
With a knowing nod, Eddie rests his forehead against hers before pressing a gentle kiss to the bridge of her nose.
“Yeah. Yeah, I get where you’re coming from," he agrees. "Like a science experiment, or something."
“Yes. It’s not very romantic. And it doesn’t..." Chrissy trails off in a small voice, shrinking away from Eddie's gaze.
"Doesn't what, baby?"
"It doesn't make me feel very sexy," Chrissy replies, whispering the word sexy like it's a secret she's not meant to be telling.
She lets out a little yelp of surprise when Eddie turns her towards the bathroom mirror, planting his chin on her shoulder as he hugs her from behind.
“I'm sorry, have you seen you? You melt my face off. Like those Nazi guys in that one Indiana Jones movie.”
Wrinkling her nose, Chrissy bites back a laugh.
“Eddie, gross.”
“Seriously, though. I hear you," Eddie tells her, meeting her eye in the mirror. "I get it. I wanna do… whatever you need me to do to keep it fun. ‘Cause we have fun, right?”
“We do,” Chrissy agrees, suddenly bashful. “A lot of fun.”
“Yeah, we do, sweetheart. We can still have fun even though we’re trying to make a lil’ munchkin.”
Those words out of Eddie's mouth make Chrissy's heart go wobbly, her knees a little weaker than before. Even still, she can't seem to shake the uneasy weirdness of the whole situation.
“I know, I just feel like a… I don’t know," she sighs. "I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like we’re just baby-making machines or something.”
Eddie sucks in a sharp breath. His eyes darken as they fall to the cut of Chrissy's blouse, a look of wolfish want on his face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Christine Elizabeth," Eddie starts, clearing his throat. "Light of my life. Apple of my eye. I hate to have to tell you this, but that’s so hot.”
Chrissy all but whips her head around as she cranes her neck to look back at Eddie.
“What?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. That just made this whole thing a lot sexier.”
“I don't even... How?”
Eddie's fingers are in the belt loops of Chrissy's jeans then, turning her in his arms to face her before he sinks to his knees. Kneeling at her feet, his hands slip beneath the hem of her shirt.
Squirming, Chrissy threads her fingers through Eddie's mess of dark curls. Her breath hitches when his lips ghost along the swell of her stomach, leaving a tickly kiss just below her navel.
“Christ, just… thinking about knocking you up drives me fuckin’ crazy.”
Chrissy's cheeks burn hot, stomach swooping.
"You're serious?"
"Oh, baby," Eddie groans, dragging his thumbnail along the teeth of Chrissy's zipper. "You have no idea."
"So, you... you don't mind that it's taking longer than we thought it would? What if it takes forever?"
Eddie tips his head to look up at Chrissy with his wide, whiskey-warm eyes. When he smiles, there's something wild in it that crackles up the length of Chrissy's spine.
"Guess we won't know if we don't try."
KISS ROULETTE!
#hellcheer#this was so so fun tysm!!!#eddie munson#chrissy cunningham#eddissy#stranger things#cyraclove writes#eddie x chrissy#fanfiction#writers on tumblr#hellcheer fanfiction#pregnancy tw
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Deleted xmas byler fic
Not mine!! but i had it downloaded and wanted to post here in case anyone else wanted to read the fluff masterpiece!
a three-step plan to make will byers fall in love
RomeoWrites
Summary:
It’s Christmas break and Mike Wheeler is having a crisis. Why? Because the Byers are visiting for the first time in almost two years, and sometime since leaving Hawkins, Will has gotten hot. And Mike is dealing with that in a totally platonic way. Or so he insists. OR The party concocts a three-step plan to get Will Byers to fall in love assuming, of course, that he hasn’t already.
rating:
General Audiences
Archive Warning:
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Fandom:
Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Relationship:
Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Characters:
Will Byers
Mike Wheeler
Eleven | Jane Hopper
Lucas Sinclair
Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Dustin Henderson
Additional Tags:
Fluff
Getting Together
Funny
Humor
Fluff and Humor
Sweet
First Kiss
Christmas
Holidays
Christmas Fluff
Language: English Published: 2022-08-09 Words: 13620 Chapters:1/1 Comments: 35 Kudos: 814 Bookmarks: 176 Hits: 5075
Phase Zero: The Pre-Planning
It’s the last day of school before the Christmas break, and Mike Wheeler is distracted. Like, head empty, no neurons firing, kind of distracted. If it wasn’t the last day of term he would definitely be in detention by now, because absolutely no thoughts have passed through his brain in any of his lessons thus far.
“Dustin,” he whispers halfway into their last math class of the year. “Dustin, I’m in urgent and dire need of assistance.”
“What?” Comes the vaguely annoyed response, and Mike rolls his eyes. It’s the last day of term and Dustin is still insisting on putting up a facade of concentration, despite the fact that literally everyone else in their class is already chattering away, and their teacher does not seem to care one bit.
“Assistance, Dustin. Keep up. I need assistance. Urgently and direly, in fact.”
Dustin fixes him with a look. “You sound like you’ve swallowed a thesaurus.”
“This is not the time to make fun of my extremely well-appointed grasp of the English language,” he hisses. “I’m having a crisis.”
That piques Dustin’s interest. “A crisis? What kind of crisis?”
And truthfully, Mike is not exactly sure, because said crisis only started this morning. At 6:52 am to be exact, when the Byers arrived at his house to spend their Christmas break back in Hawkins, away from California. The party had gathered at the Wheeler’s, where the Byers would be staying, to greet Will and El, who had jumped out of the car and immediately been smothered by a party group hug. Well, a party group hug without Mike who, upon seeing Will emerge from the backseat of Mrs Byers’ car, had promptly melted into a puddle of goo with very limited brain power. He had only just managed to react somewhat normally when Will pulled him into a tight hug, but when Will wryly complimented his Yoda pajamas, he was pretty sure all he managed to get out was ‘guh.’
Because the thing is, Will has been Mike's best friend since they were five. And until one and a half years ago, Mike had seen him everyday. And Will was familiar. His short stature and swoopy brown hair were familiar. His hazel eyes and shy smiles. Will was the type of kid who parents would coo over and teachers loved, because for all intents and purposes, he was cute. Adorable, even. Politely charming with his drawings and ink covered hands. But now? After Mike only had one short visit to California, very early on, and not so much as a photograph of Will before today? Will’s familiar features are gone. And instead Mike came to the abrupt realization this morning, that Will is hot. And that’s not a word that Mike would ever use aloud. But it’s true. Somewhere between before and now, Will has become completely and breathtakingly gorgeous. And Mike is dealing with that fact in a totally normal and platonic way.
“What kind of crisis?” Dustin asks again.
Mike shrugs rather helplessly. “I’m not entirely sure.”
Dustin’s eyes gleam with scientific intrigue. “A guessing game, then. Okay, academic?”
Mike shakes his head.
“Family?”
Still no.
“Personal?”
Uh - somewhat.
“…sexual?”
And Mike’s face must look some type of way because Dustin lets out an honest-to-god cackle. “What? You’re having a sexual crisis?”
“No!” Mike quickly amends, trying to do damage control for his facial expressions. “Not sexual. More like, romantic, I guess?”
Dustin levels him with a look. “A romantic crisis, huh? And what, exactly, has brought this about?”
“Uh - well, it’s kind of complicated, really.” It’s not complicated, Mike is just a coward. “It’s just I’ve noticed someone today who I find, uh - who is- well, someone who is rather, um, nice-looking,” he finishes lamely.
“Nice-looking?”
“Yeah, you know. Handsome.”
“Handsome?”
“Attractive?” Mike tries.
Dustin rolls his eyes. “Are you seriously this repressed? The word is hot, Michael.”
“Right. Yes. That.” Even hearing it aloud sent a little thrill through his stomach as he remembers how good Will looks with his tousled hair and strong jawline.
“Handsome as in male, handsome?” Dustin asks, a polite sort of curiosity in his tone.
“That would be accurate.”
“Oh, so this is about Will.”
Mike has to stop himself from shoving his pencil into his eye. “How did you know that? Was I super obvious?”
“Just a little bit,” Dustin admits. “Not to Will, though, I think you’re safe there.”
At least that’s a relief. “So, what should I do? You know, about the crisis?”
“Well, what do you want to do?” And Mike is immediately glad he chose Dustin to confide in, with his level-headedness and logic. He isn’t going to blow this whole thing out of proportion. “Because I think you should just tell him that you think he’s earth-shatteringly and mind-bogglingly hot, and you know, maybe kiss him. I think he’d appreciate that.”
And oh, look at that! Mike now regrets everything. “I am not going to do either of those things, Dustin,” he hisses. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Why is that ridiculous?”
“Well, for starters, I’m not just going to kiss him out of nowhere, that’s rude. And secondly, we don’t know that he’s going to appreciate it? He could completely freak out.”
“He’s not going to freak out - and everyone appreciates kissing.”
“Okay, that is so not true, and this isn’t about kissing. It’s about…” Mike trails off, looking for words and Dustin snaps his fingers at him.
“Oh. Oh, ho, ho,” he chortles.
“Okay, please stop doing that.”
“This isn’t a sexual crisis at all, is it?”
“I already told you that it wasn’t-”
“This is a love crisis.” Dustin strings out the word love like luuurve and that’s the only thing that horrifies Mike out of evaporating on the spot. Because love is a big word. A huge word, in fact. And also the word that most accurately describes his problem. He is having a love crisis.
Of course, he immediately denies this. “Actually, you know what? Let’s go back to sexual crisis. I think even that is more comfortable than how you just pronounced love.”
“I can’t believe you’re in love. Well, actually, maybe I can.”
“Okay, no one said anything about love.”
“Of course you’re in love. It’s Will.”
And surprisingly, that’s probably the first thing Dustin’s said so far that makes sense in Mike’s brain. He fiddles with his pencil and considers his options. Number one is to deny, deny, deny. But he’s the one who started this whole conversation, so it’s not like Dustin will believe him. Number two: pass it off as just a physical attraction - something that isn’t serious. Will is pretty and Mike wants to kiss him, but it’s not love. Just one guy appreciating the good-looks of another guy. But then phrase sexual crisis rings in his head, and he immediately vetoes that option. Which leaves him with one more. Admit what he has known to be true for approximately six years. That he is definitely in love, and maybe, just maybe, he’s finally emotionally prepared to do something about it.
“Okay, maybe just a little bit,” is what ends up coming out of his mouth, and Dustin sits back on his chair, satisfied.
“Well, good. Acceptance is the first step. Scoring yourself a super hot boyfriend is step number two.”
“And how exactly do you expect me to do that?”
“It’s simple. At lunch hour, we’ll lay this all out for the rest of the party and we’ll put our brilliant minds together and come up with a plan.”
He makes it sound so easy, that Mike feels compelled to just let it happen.
“Okay.” He steadies himself. “A plan. We can make a plan.” Then: “Do you really think Will is going to want that? Do you think he might like me back?”
Dustin rocks back on his rear chair legs, thoughtfully. “Well, scientifically speaking, you know, considering the evidence, I don’t think it’s the most unlikely thing in the world. I’d put your odds at 70:30.”
Mike rolls his eyes. “Great. Numbers. Just what I need to help me through this.”
“Hey, math is a great way to figure things out. And those are good odds.”
Mike stabs his pencil into his worksheet, mutinously. 70% chance of success. He liked the sound of that. But 30% chance of failure? That, he could have lived without.
“I’ll think about it,” he says at last. “You can tell the party at lunch, and I’ll think about it.”
Dustin gives him a final nod and turns his attention back to their assigned work. And Mike tries to do the same, he really does, but by the time the bell rings for lunch hour, all he’s managed to do is doodle a couple of little hearts on his page and one very clumsy drawing of a boy in a wizards hat. He flushes, and scrunches up the paper, tossing it in the bin on the way out.
And maybe he was being somewhat (utterly and entirely) naive, thinking Dustin that would at least try to be a little bit subtle about this whole thing, because as soon as they arrive at their usual cafeteria table, Dustin slams down his lunch tray and with fervor, declares: “Mike is having a crisis.”
And if that wasn’t already enough to send Mike into a half-panicked state, Dustin then adds with a hushed sort of reverence, as if this was the news of the century: “Of the sexual kind.”
“Dustin!” Mike whisper-shouts, trying to suppress his mortification. “That is not what this is.”
“Oh? Did you or did you not use the words earth-shatteringly and mind-bogglingly hot?”
“I did not-” Mike’s horrified protest is cut off by the audible gasping coming from the rest of their table.
“What? Who does Mike think is hot-”
“You like someone? This is unbelievable-”
Dustin waves away everyone with an airy hand. “The point is this: Mike has declared himself hopelessly and irrevocably in love-” Mike gives up any attempt to interject and just groans, slapping his hand over his face, “-and it is our job, as his most dear and loyal friends-” (“-only friends,” Max interrupts) “-to help him,” Dustin finishes with a flourish.
“Help him?” Lucas asks quizzically. “You really think we can help him? He’s a hopeless case.”
“Hey-”
“It’s true, Mike,” Max says unsympathetically. “You’re probably the least romantic person I know.”
Mike scowls. “I could be romantic.” Then pauses. “Wait, no. I don’t want to be romantic - this is a terrible idea.”
Lucas points at him. “There you have it. He doesn’t want to be romantic.”
“Yeah, thank god,” adds Max. “That would be a trainwreck.”
“Gee, thanks,” he says sarcastically. And how exactly did Mike end up with such supportive and caring friends?
Max mimes a ‘you’re welcome’ while Dustin splutters in disagreement. “What? No. You don’t even know who this is about yet. How can you give up so easily?”
And that gets Max and Lucas interested again.
“Well, tell us then. Who is she?” Lucas asks, and then shoots a glance at Mike. “Uh, he?”
Max elbows him. “They.”
Dustin looks to Mike as if for approval and Mike just waves his hands vaguely. He supposes it won’t be the worst thing in the world if they find out about Will. Maybe it would make them more sympathetic when every Friday evening he ditches any plans because that’s his and Will’s night to talk as much as they can on the phone until someone kicks them off.
“Okay. It’s…” Dustin pauses for dramatic effect until Mike kicks him under the table. “Ow! Okay. It’s Will.”
“Knew it.”
“Called it.”
“It’s because of this morning, isn’t it?” Lucas accuses. “You saw him and totally freaked out because he’s all hot now.”
“Yeah, your face was so red, I thought you were going to explode.”
“Okay, can you stop being mean?” Mike directs at Max. “This is a trying time.” Then he looks at Lucas. “And can everyone please stop with the h-word?”
“He has problems with the h-word,” Dustin stage-whispers.
And great, now they’re all laughing at him, and Mike tries to slowly slip under the table, but Max reaches over and grabs him by the collar. “Relax, Wheeler, we’re only joking. I, for one, am actually glad that you’re finally admitting your feelings, and would be honored to join the noble quest to find you requited love.”
“You’ve come to too many of our DnD campaigns,” is all Mike says to that.
Max sends him a borderline horrified look. “You know I’m joking when I say shit like that, right? You do know that?”
“Alright, calm down,” Lucas interjects. “It’s not like you’re going to lose any cool credits with us.”
“People!” Dustin claps his hands together. “We are getting off-track. This meeting has been called to help Mike, not to bully him.”
“Meeting?” Mike splutters. “This is lunch.”
Dustin waves him off. “We need a plan.”
“Well, what’s our aim? Our hypothesis?” Lucas asks, and wow. Between the basketball and the general athleticism, Mike had forgotten that Lucas was still, like the rest of them, a huge nerd.
“This is not a science experiment-”
“Experiment!” Max cuts off his protest. “That’s exactly it. We should run trials. Attempts. We should try to set them up.”
“Oh, absolutely not,” Mike says loudly.
“That,” Dustin points two, twin finger guns at Max, “is an excellent idea.”
“No, no, no, not excellent-”
“We could each have a go,” Lucas adds, apparently joining Dustin and Max in being deaf to the sound of Mike’s voice. “Make it a competition.”
“A competition?”
“Yeah, like, each of us can try to get them together, and the best man-”
“-or woman-”
“Or woman, will win.”
“Genius,” Dustin whispers. “Pure genius.”
All three of them look around at each other with the sort of reverent air that could only be conjured up by a bunch of far too self-important sixteen-year-olds.
Mike attempts to say something rational. Reasonable, so as to convince them all that this is a very, very bad idea. What comes out instead is: “Are you all actually insane?”
As one, they turn to look at him, as if only just remembering that he does, in fact, exist. By the looks on their faces, they don’t see anything wrong with their plan. Mike sinks back into his seat with a half-strangled sort of moan. “Oh my god. You are. You all are. My three best-” (“-only-”) “-friends are insane.”
“Oh, certifiably,” Dustin says agreeably. “But does that mean this is a bad idea?”
“Yes. Yes, it does.”
“Oh, come on, Mike. You’ve been hung up on Will since we were in middle school - and don’t pretend like you weren’t. Is it really the worst thing in the world if you give yourself a chance?”
Mike considers Lucas’ words, and hears the truth in them. Although seeing Will this morning had jolted something to life within himself, he has long been aware of the feelings he harbors, that were subconscious at first, until all of a sudden he turned ten, learnt what romance was, and developed what was probably the strongest childhood crush in the history of childhood crushes. Of course, now it’s a fair bit more than a childhood crush, so really, maybe this is a good idea. He could do with a chance.
“And if you do end up woefully and pitifully rejected, hey, the Byers live in California now, so it’s not like it’ll be that awkward,” Max supplies helpfully.
He shoots her a glare, any confidence he had, immediately evaporating. “Right. Will is going to reject me and this is a horrible plan.”
“Oh, lighten up, Wheeler,” Dustin says. “Sure, the painful pull of heartbreak may befall you, but is that any worse than the pain of never knowing what could be, if only you would proclaim your frankly sickeningly sweet, but admittedly adorable, love?”
Max punches him in the arm. “Don’t talk like that.”
But Dustin’s speech, however falsely pretentious, does stir something within Mike. He feels himself slowly nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
“Seriously, man? That’s what convinced you?”
“I’ve told you before, I’m a poet-”
“Oh, shut up, the pair of you.” Max looks at Mike squarely from across the table. “You’ll do it?”
And what the hell? What does he have to lose, really? (His dignity, his pride, his lifelong best friend, his brain supplies helpfully, but he ignores it.)
“Yeah. I’ll do it. Proclaim my love, or whatever.”
Dustin beams at him. “Great! What’s the worst that could possibly happen?”
Lucas covers Max’s mouth before she can answer.
“Yeah,” Mike says, brain spinning with possibilities. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Phase One: Max’s Madness
Immediately after school, the plan commences. Sometime during their shared science lab (while Mike sat, miserable and alone, relegated to a separate bench for secrecy purposes), Dustin, Lucas, and Max had put together three strategies to be executed over the next three days, that will supposedly ‘make Will fall in love, like he never has before’ according to Dustin (‘assuming, of course, that he’s not already in love with you’ adds Lucas). Of course, they don’t tell Mike what any of these strategies are, but he knows that each of them is responsible for one. He dreads Max’s the most.
They all cycle to the Wheeler’s, and for the first time in his life, Mike wishes the distance between his house and school was longer, because all he wants to do right now is delay, delay, delay. Max catches his eye as he’s mid-deep-breath, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast.
“Would you calm down?” Max asks. “You’re acting like you’re going to have a heart attack when you see him.
“Maybe a heart attack isn’t the anatomical reaction he’s worried about-”
“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, Dustin,” Mike warns, ignoring the amused look between him and Lucas and the face of mock-disgust from Max. “I’m calm. I’m very calm. Never been more calm.”
The group share disbelieving glances.
“Alright,” says Max. “Just try to take deep breaths so you don’t start stress-sweating. That’s not the impression you want to give off.”
“I’m not trying to give off an impression. Will already knows everything about me, it’s not like I’m suddenly going to show up and he’s going to think I'm an entirely different person.”
“Well, I don't know, man. Your look is kind of edgy now. Maybe Will likes emo boys.”
“I’m not emo,” Mike objects, but secretly feels a little pleased about the assessment of his style. “Besides, he saw me this morning. I don’t look any different.”
“Yeah, well, this morning you were in Star Wars pajamas, so maybe give edgy a chance.”
Mike flushes a little. “I’ll have you know that Will said my pajamas were cool.”
The group shares another disbelieving glance, and man, Mike was getting sick of those.
“Looks like California has made Will forget about the friends don’t lie rule, huh?” Dustin laughs, and Mike doesn’t feel the least bit guilty about shoving him off his bike.
They reach the house and Mike feels in a tizzy. He lets Lucas and Max frog-march him to the front door, sure that if he walked by himself, he would never make it.
“What’s today's strategy, again?” he asks.
“Don’t you worry about that,” Dustin answers unhelpfully.
“Great. Just great,” he mutters to himself as he fumbles for his key and opens the door.
El greets them as soon as they walk inside. “Finally, you’re home! We’ve been so bored all day, waiting. Will’s still upstairs, but he’ll be down in a minute.”
Mike’s stomach does a disconcerting little flip when he realizes that Will is probably up in his bedroom, where he’ll be sleeping for the next two weeks. Mrs Byers and El are in Nancy’s room since she (and Jonathan) are staying at college during the break. Will got stuck with Mike’s floor, since they didn’t have another spare bedroom, and really, Mike is not complaining. Still, he hopes he didn’t leave anything embarrassing around when he left this morning.
Then he hears Will’s voice as he comes down the stairs and balks. “Okay, abort mission,” he hisses to the group. “Abort. This is a terrible plan.”
El looks at them, confused. “What plan?”
Dustin starts to say something, but cuts himself off when Will appears and looks around at their guilty faces. “What’s going on?” he asks.
Lucas leaps towards him, trying (and failing) to affect an air of nonchalance. “William!” He wraps his arm around Will’s like they’re an old married couple from a Jane Austen novel and guides him down the rest of the stairs. “Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is going on, don’t you worry about that.”
Will looks bemused. “Why are you talking like that?”
“No reason, no reason.”
“Um, okay?” Will shifts his eyes around the room until they land on Mike, and then his lips tilt up into a smile. “Hey, Mike.”
Mike stares until Max elbows him in the ribs. “Oh, uh - hi.” And that is definitely not the usual octave he speaks in.
Will gives him a strange look, but presses on. “How was the last day of school?”
“Um, it was…” Mike thinks back to their lunch time conversation. “Productive.”
Will gives him another bemused little smile, before starting up a conversation with Lucas and Max. Mike takes a moment to try and jumpstart his brain, since currently it’s only able to focus on the fact that Will is wearing a tight, long-sleeve, black shirt and Mike doesn’t think he’s ever seen him in that color before.
“Why are you acting weird?” El asks him suspiciously, and Mike jumps a little.
“I’m not,” he says defensively, “I’m acting very normal.”
El raises her eyebrows, but doesn’t push any further. He distracts himself by dumping his backpack and shoes in the hall, and shrugging off his coat, until he hears another voice.
“Will, sweetie?” Mrs Byers calls from upstairs. “Will you help me set up this bed for a moment?”
Will rolls his eyes, but starts to climb back up the stairs. “Be back in a minute.”
As soon as he disappears, Max starts whispering to El very rapidly and Mike squints at them. “Woah, woah, woah. You’re not telling her the plan, are you?”
The look on El’s face tells him everything he needs to know. “Oh my god.” He throws a hand over his face in embarrassment. “Just tell the whole world, won’t you? Maybe Will while you're at it? Save us all some time.”
“Maybe that’s a good idea,” says El. “I don’t think you need a plan, just tell Will how you feel. And be honest.”
Max scoffs. “You want Mike to express his feelings? With words? Be serious, El. You saw him just then, he was a stuttering mess.”
Mike doesn’t even try to argue because it’s an entirely accurate statement.
El still hesitates. “But, it’s not like a trick?”
“No!” Dustin says. “It’s not a trick at all. We’re just helping them along. Creating romantic scenarios.”
“Romantic scenarios,” El says slowly. “Like from movies.”
“Exactly,” says Lucas. “Like, Max’s plan is today, and mine is tomorrow. And I just know that mine is going to work perfectly.”
“What is it?” Mike tries. He gets no response.
“And you think these will work?” El asks.
She received three identical nods in reply. She considers them all for a moment, before finally saying: “Okay. But only because I want to see Will happy.” Then she looks at Mike. “And you too, I suppose.”
“Gee, thanks,” Mike grumbles. “Always good to be a second thought.”
El shoots him a bright grin and loops her arm into Max’s, dragging her down the basement stairs. “So, tell me about your plan…”
With the girls gone, Mike looks around at Lucas and Dustin, feeling more than a little mortified. “Was it really that bad? Am I a stuttering mess like Max said?”
Lucas claps him on the shoulder sympathetically. “Well, let’s put it this way. Will still seemed plenty happy to see you, so we’ll count it as a win.”
Mike forces himself to take his hundredth deep breath of the day. “Okay, Mike,” he mutters to himself. “You can do this. You can talk like a normal person to Will - in fact, you literally did that last night on the phone. This isn’t any different.” He ignores the way Lucas and Dustin are looking at him like he’s completely lost the plot. “You just need to be calm, and remember that Will likes you. You’re his best friend. He’s happy to see you, and you just need to act normal.”
He exhales one more time and looks up. “Okay, actually that really made me feel better.”
Dustin just looks at him. “Okay, buddy.”
But, truly, Mike has mastered the art of self-pep-talks because when Will reappears, Mike bounds up to him, even managing to sling a casual arm around his shoulder, and steers him into the kitchen. “Go to the basement,” he calls to the others. “We’ll bring snacks.”
As they head into the kitchen, Mike can’t help but feel ridiculously happy. It’s been a long time since he’s seen Will in his house, and familiarity makes his heart swell.
“I like your new haircut,” Will says as he pulls some sodas out of the fridge. “It’s very… you.”
Mike feels absurdly pleased. “Thanks,” he says, turning around to grab a bag of chips so Will doesn’t see him flush. Will just hums in response, and when Mike turns back, Will reaches a hand up and tugs gently on one of his curls, letting it spring back up after. Mike swallows hard.
“It looks really good,” Will murmurs, his hand just barely brushing Mike’s cheek as he brings it back down. Mike accidentally pops the chip bag and both of them jump.
“Sorry!” His voice is an octave higher than usual, so he tries again. “Sorry. Held it a bit too tight.”
He turns around again swiftly and hunts for a bowl, trying to stop his heart from pounding. He pours the chips out, grabs a couple of chocolate bars from the cupboard, and turns around once more. Will is leaning nonchalantly on the counter.
“Ready to go?” Mike says, holding up his haul. Will shoots him a smile and grabs the sodas.
“Onwards, paladin,” he says with a dorky grin. “To the basement.”
Mike huffs out a laugh, feeling the knot of nerves in his chest loosen a little. It’s just Will, he reminds himself. “After you, cleric.”
They head down the stairs and almost make it into the basement, when Mike pauses, hearing a noise from behind the laundry door. “Hear that?” He nudges Will’s leg with his foot, hands holding their snacks.
Will tucks the soda pack under one arm and opens the laundry door. Chaos unfolds before Mike’s eyes. Lucas and Dustin are arguing in a corner, Max is sitting cross-legged on top of the dryer, and El is crouched on the floor next to a huge puddle of soapy water. In the middle of it all lies a bundle of wet, shiny material in distinctive tones of red and navy that Mike recognises.
“Are those our sleeping bags?” Mike is somewhat incredulous at the soapy, sopping mess of fabric that is spread before him. “What the hell happened here?”
El stands back up, holding one of the sleeping bags. “Wet,” she says, helpfully.
“We can see that, El.” Will’s tone is sort of resignedly amused, like he had expected nothing more from the group of four in front of them. “I think what Mike means is how did this happen?”
El shrugs, clearly the appointed speaker of the group, probably because they know Mike won’t get mad at her. “Washing machine.”
Mike sighs in exasperation and shares a helpless glance with Will. “Any chance these will dry before bedtime?”
“I mean, unless your dryer has super-machine capabilities…”
Even a dumb half-joke like that has Mike laughing, and he sees the look Max gives him like, damn, you’ve got it bad.
Dustin grins around at them all, like this was exactly what was supposed to happen this evening, and Mike slowly starts to suspect that maybe, it actually is. And then Max confirms that suspicion by saying, “Guess you’ll both just have to sleep in Mike’s bed tonight, huh?”
“Yeah, since the sleeping bags are unusable, and all,” adds Lucas.
“Wet,” says El again.
And Mike is a second away from throttling them all, because maybe before he could have gotten away with letting Will take his bed, and just spent the night on the basement couch, but now that they’ve said it aloud, it would be weird for him to say ‘no, we can’t share a bed, Will, because actually I have extremely un-heterosexual feelings for you and I will probably end up holding your hand or doing something equally stupid.’
Will nudges his side. “Guess we will.”
And between that and the frankly demonic grins the rest of his friends are sporting right now, Mike knows he is absolutely, one hundred percent, completely doomed. Of course, this is Max’s plan. He should have seen that one coming.
Once Mike’s finished mopping the laundry (because he doesn’t even want to think about his mom’s face if he left it like that), they finally settle in the basement to watch a Christmas film. It passes far too quickly, and Mike feels like he barely has time to appreciate how Will sits next to him, legs tucked under himself, ankles and socked feet draped over Mike’s lap. Before he knows it, his mom is calling them all upstairs for dinner. And in what feels like an instant, the rest of the party has left, El has flounced upstairs to her room, and the parents are sipping mulled wine in the living room and talking about adult things. It’s only 9 o’clock, but he and Will wander up the stairs and set about getting ready for bed.
Mike dawdles in the bathroom after brushing his teeth, trying to put off the inevitable. He even takes the extra time to floss while giving himself another mental pep-talk, and by the time he’s pushing open his bedroom door, he feels almost confident.
“Hey,” he says, trying to sound casual. Will is sitting on his desk chair, absent-mindedly flipping through a comic book.
“Hi,” he says back, gesturing to the bed. “Want to go to sleep? I know it’s kind of early, but our flight was at, like, 2am this morning, and I feel like I’m about to collapse from exhaustion.”
Mike grins at him. “Well, we can’t have that can we?” He switches off his bedroom light and makes his way to his bedside, turning on his lamp. Before he can think too much about it, he slides under the covers, carefully positioning himself so none of his body crosses the halfway mark of the bed. Will doesn’t seem to have any such qualms because when he joins him, he curls up right next to Mike, nudging their ankles together, and turning to face him on the pillow.
“We haven’t done this in a while,” he says in a whisper.
“Not since we were maybe ten,” Mike agrees.
“Remember when you used to have a bunk bed? And I always would start in the top bunk, but if I ever left to go to the bathroom or something, I would never be able to climb back up the ladder in the dark, so I would just sleep with you instead.”
Mike laughs at the memory. “Yeah, you were way too short to even be climbing that ladder in the first place. The steps were weirdly far apart.”
Will nods in agreement and then says with a hint of teasing: “Well, I’m not that short now, am I? I’m almost as tall as you.”
“Almost,” Mike whispers back. “But not quite.”
Will hums in response and then yawns. “Okay, I really am tired now.” Then he hesitates. “Um, leave the lamp on?”
Mike nods quickly. “Of course.”
Will sends him a sleepy smile, and tugs the duvet over his shoulders. “Thanks,” he whispers. Mike watches as his eyes slowly flutter shut and his breathing evens out, and wow, Will was not joking when he said he was tired, because it took him all of about thirty seconds to fall asleep.
Mike does not experience the same luxury. He lies awake for what feels like hours, feeling hyper aware of every place Will is touching him, and really, Will couldn’t possibly have laid down any closer, could he? Mike’s almost falling off the edge of the bed, and he longingly eyes the large, empty space on the other side of Will. Of course, he doesn’t mind being close like this (quite the opposite, in fact), but the point remains; he is about two inches away from crashing painfully to the floor.
Carefully, he eases his arm free where Will is holding it, and tries to somehow maneuver his body over the top of Will’s and make it to the other side. Of course, his plan fails abysmally when Will rolls over and accidentally dislodges Mike’s arm, sending him toppling down onto him. Will lets out a sound of muffled confusion, and Mike scrambles off as fast as he can.
“Sorry,” he whispers. “It’s just me - I was kind of falling off the edge, so I tried to move.”
Will blinks his eyes open blearily and squints at him. “And you climbed on top of me? Instead of getting out of bed and walking to the other side.”
Right. That would have been the obvious solution. “I didn’t think of that.”
Will lets his eyes fall shut again. “Sorry for squishing you,” he mumbles. “I’ll lie further away.”
“No, it’s fine!” Mike says a little too loudly in his haste to let Will know that he really doesn’t mind. “It’s fine, I don’t mind. Let’s just lie a little bit more in the middle of the bed, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay,” Will says, and rolls back over towards Mike again, tucking his head under Mike’s chin. “Goodnight.”
Mike awkwardly wraps an arm around Will’s shoulders and wriggles around until he’s fairly comfortable, with Will’s head resting on his chest and his hair tickling his nose. He feels somewhat surprised that Will is being so affectionate, although they had been fairly tactile with each other before he moved away, so really, why would now be any different? But something about it being in bed makes it feel a million times more intimate and Mike’s stupid heart skips a beat.
He admits to himself that, annoyingly, Max’s plan seems to have worked incredibly well. He’s definitely not going to tell her that, but still. There’s a vague sense of gratitude floating around his body as he finally drifts off to sleep. Phase one is over, and they have two more to go.
Phase Two: Lucas’ Stratagem
After Max’s plan yesterday went off without a hitch, Lucas apparently decides to let Mike in on his own plan a little bit, and pulls him aside when the party arrives after breakfast.
“Okay, today is phase two,” he whispers. “It’s a two-pronged approach. A stratagem, if you will.”
“A stratagem?” Mike whispers back. “What are we meant to be out-strategizing?”
“Your romantic incompetence,” answers Lucas. And ouch. Mike secretly thinks that Will didn’t seem to mind his romantic incompetence last night, but he says nothing. “All you have to do today,” Lucas continues, “is be your usual hopeless self. It’s the perfect plan because it capitalizes on who you and Will are as people. You’re clumsy at the best of times, and Will is generally coordinated. The two prongs. It’ll be great.”
Mike quite honestly has no idea what Lucas is talking about, but the promise that his clumsiness is going to come in useful isn’t one that he particularly likes. It’s not his fault that his limbs are far too long for his own good.
He starts to understand when Lucas turns to the party, at large, and announces: “Ice skating.”
Mike fights back a groan. He sucks at ice skating. “Do we have to? I mean, it’s freezing out.”
“You’re just scared because you have terrible balance,” Max argues.
El jostles his shoulder and says, “Like bambi on ice.”
Will turns to look at him with wide, pleading eyes. “Come on, Mike. It’ll be fun. El and I skate all the time back in California, and the lake is so pretty this time of year.”
And when Will is looking at him like that, how could Mike possibly say anything but yes? “Fine. But if I fall on my ass, I’m holding all of you responsible.” He points a threatening finger around the room as Max rolls her eyes.
Will beams at him, and then ducks a little closer. “Don’t worry,” he says in an undertone as the party starts pulling on coats and hats. “If you’re really that bad, I’ll hold your hand.”
Okay, so maybe ice skating is, in fact, a terrific idea. He hates and loves the fact that Lucas most definitely saw this coming. He convinces his mom and Mrs Byers, who are drinking wine in the kitchen, to let them borrow a car, and after a warning to drive carefully, the party is off.
Lover’s Lake (and no, the irony of the name does not escape Mike’s notice), is always frozen over at this time of year, and it’s a long-held Hawkins tradition for it to be set up as an ice rink. Fairy lights have been strung over tree branches at the shore, and a stall is set up renting ice skates for a few dollars an hour. He pushes Will’s hand aside when he tries to pay, figuring that he should at least try to put a bit of effort into making this date-like. It’s definitely worth it when Will leans close to his ear to whisper a thank you that makes his neck tingle.
The party kick off their shoes and pull on their skates, and make their way (some with more difficulty than others) onto the ice. Will immediately speeds off, hand in hand with El and the two start a lap around the outskirt of the fenced-off portion of the lake that forms the rink. All bundled up in their winter coats and hats, they look closer to twins than siblings, and the sight makes Mike feel warm.
“So much for holding your hand, huh?” Lucas’ voice sounds in his ear.
Mike whirls around unsteadily on his skates. “You heard that?”
Lucas gives him a knowing smirk. “This is my plan, Wheeler. It’s my job to hear things.”
“Okay, calm down, you’re not a superspy.”
And then Lucas actually winks. “Maybe I am.”
Mike narrows his eyes, suspicious. “What do you know that you’re not telling me?”
Lucas just shrugs, and starts skating away towards Max.
“Lucas!” Mike shouts after him. “If you’re not going to tell me, at least help me skate!”
Dustin sidles up to him after Mike’s spent a few seconds hopelessly spinning on the spot. “Looks like it’s just you and me now, huh?”
Mike can’t help the longing glance he throws in Will’s direction. “Right. You and me.”
Unhelpfully, Dustin is almost as bad at skating as he is, and together they attempt to unsuccessfully propel themselves towards the center of the lake. (“You’re terrible at this-” “Oh, like you’re any better-” “Stop leaning on me!” “I have to lean on you, you’re shorter than me-”)
Eventually the Wonder Twins make their way towards them, probably out of pity. They stop right in front of Dustin and Mike, and Will looks frustratingly elegant on his skates.
Mike glares at him. “How the hell are you so good at this?”
Will simply grins, and reaches forward to take Mike’s hand, and Mike’s annoyance immediately evaporates. “Come on, I’ll teach you.”
El and Dustin seem to get the hint, and they start to skate away together, leaving Will and Mike standing on their own, right in the middle of the rink. In Mike’s mind he can picture that if they were looking at the lake from above, he and Will would be standing somewhere in the top-right-hand-corner of the heart that it’s shaped into.
“Your hands are freezing,” Will remarks, starting to tug Mike along. “Come on, move your feet a little. No - don’t lift them up! Just glide.”
“Easy for you to say,” Mike mutters, although he’s no longer irritated. “Tell me again how long it takes to learn this?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it. El and I go skating pretty much every weekend. There’s not much else to do in Lenora Hills.”
He says Lenora Hills with a little eye roll that makes Mike pause. “I thought you were enjoying California?”
Will makes a face. “Well, yeah, I mean school is good - less bullies and all, and definitely less creepy supernatural stuff, but still.” He squeezes Mike’s hand. “It doesn’t have you.”
And that feels like an opening, if there ever was one. Mike squeezes his hand back. “I’ve really missed you. I know I say it on our calls all the time, but it’s true. Hawkins isn’t the same without you.”
Will’s face is flushed, and Mike hopes that it's from his words and not just from the cold. As they slowly shuffle along Mike has to fight the urge to do something ridiculous, like kiss Will. He settles for snatching the red beanie off Will’s head with his spare hand instead, and jams it on his own head.
“Hey,” Will protests. “Get your own hat.”
“This is my hat,” Mike informs him dryly. “You stole it from my wardrobe this morning.”
He expects Will to shoot another remark back at him, but instead he brings them to a stop, and slowly fixes how the hat is sitting on Mike’s head, tugging out a few pieces of hair that were caught. “Well, if you’re going to steal it back, at least wear it properly,” he says quietly.
Mike’s face feels much warmer than the hat could ever make him, and Will can definitely tell because he starts grinning. “Feeling warm?” he asks innocently.
Mike just punches his arm before grabbing his hand again. “Come on, let’s skate. I think I’m getting the hang of it now.”
He was not, in fact, getting the hang of it. But after a while (and more than a few stumbles that had Will catching him before he could topple onto the ice), he’s finally able to glide forward with some semblance of coordination. Both he and Will conveniently ignore the fact that they probably don’t need to hold hands anymore, and start making their way over to where the others have gathered near the shore.
“Well, don’t you two look adorable,” Lucas teases. Mike grabs a handful of snow from the bank and shoves it in Lucas’ face. The movement makes him tilt forward a little, and Will grabs him around the waist to steady him.
Lucas now looks positively gleeful. “Shut up,” Mike mutters. Then, because he wants a distraction: “There’s hot chocolate being sold on the other bank. Shall we?”
El quickly agrees, clapping her mittened hands together, and as one, they all set off. Mike may or may not purposefully stumble at the start so that Will holds his hand again. Max shoots him a look, but hey, it works, so Mike is not complaining. The others start up a light conversation that Mike lets fade into the background as he sneaks glances at Will out of the corner of his eye. Halfway across the lake, it starts snowing, and little snowflakes hang off Will’s eyelashes and hair. Against the wintery white background and the distant fairlights that glow in the trees, he looks ethereal. Of course, then he shoots an evil grin at Mike and shouts: “Race you!”, and Mike’s moment of inner awe is promptly ruined.
Groaning to himself, he attempts to follow the rest of the party as they speed across the lake, whooping and shouting. He’s vaguely impressed with himself when he makes it to the other shore in one piece, only a minute behind the others, and also ahead of Dustin. Will grins at him and presses a styrofoam cup of hot chocolate into his hands.
“Good job,” he says, steam from his own cup floating in front of his face. “You didn’t fall over.”
Mike takes a sip of chocolate and immediately regrets it as he burns his tongue. “Yeah, well, you’re a good teacher.” He sticks his tongue out and attempts to catch snowflakes to soothe the burn, and Will laughs at him. They make their way over to a quiet spot on the shore, a little ways away from the hot chocolate stand, and sit down on a tree root. Mike watches his friends as El attempts to teach them all to skate backwards.
Will presses his leg against Mike’s and asks: “Having a good time?”
“Yeah,” he replies, honestly. “Yeah, I really am.”
The smile that Will gives him is brilliant. “I’m glad.”
“I have a good time whenever I’m with you,” Mike blurts out, unable to stop himself. He promptly buries his head in his hot chocolate cup and blows so the steam rises, hiding his face from view.
Will is quiet for a moment before he speaks again. “That’s how I feel about you, too,” he says, voice soft. “You always make everything better.”
Mike feels as if someone has dumped his hot chocolate on his head, with the way his whole body is suddenly warm. Feeling daring, he wraps his arm around Will, and Will responds by tucking his head onto Mike’s shoulder. And for a moment, it feels like the whole world grinds to a stop. Mike can no longer hear the laughter of his friends, all he can feel is the gentle tickle of Will’s hair against his neck, and the sweet taste of chocolate in his mouth. He wonders if Will also tastes of chocolate.
Gently, he squeezes Will’s shoulder and says, “I wish you were here all the time. I know California’s been good for you and El, but still. I just wish you could stay for a little bit longer.”
Will rests his hand on Mike’s leg and exhales slowly. “I wish I could stay, too.”
There’s something in his tone that Mike doesn’t quite know how to place. Almost like he’s hiding something. But the moment is a little too perfect for him to press further, so he just accepts Will’s words with a smile that’s a little bit sad. At least, when they’re back in separate states, he can rest easy in the knowledge that Will misses him too.
Phase Three: The Dustin Conspiracy
The next morning commences day three: phase three. Mike has to admit that everything has gone surprisingly well so far, and when Dustin announces that it’s time for: “Christmas baking,” Mike is expecting today to go great. They stick on some Christmas music, pull a gingerbread recipe from a magazine, and get to work.
Of course, between the six of them, things rapidly devolve into chaos, as Lucas attempts to crack eggs, El tries to whip butter, and Dustin sits on the counter and calls instructions (“No, Lucas, don’t put the shell in-” “I’m not trying to put the shell in-” “Max that’s flour not sugar!” “And who died and made you head chef, Dustin?”).
Mike shoots Will a smile as they hunt around for the cookie cutters. “Our friends are so peaceful, aren’t they?”
“Oh, of course,” Will replies with a smirk. “So sweet and quiet.”
“Tender and mild,” Mike remarks as Silent Night plays over the speakers. They look at each other once more before bursting into a fit of laughter.
“Oh! Here.” Will pulls out a metal tin while Mike wipes tears from his eyes. “We haven’t used these since we were about six-years-old.”
“I remember that,” Mike says fondly. “We totally almost burnt down the kitchen.”
Will opens the tin and pulls out a reindeer cutter. “Yeah, we left them in the oven for too long and you cried like a baby.”
Mike rolls his eyes. “Okay, did you miss the part where we were six-years-old?”
Will grins at him. “But you were so sweet though. You forced yourself to eat a whole cookie because you were so worried that I would be upset if you didn’t like them.”
Mike busies himself with unpacking the tin, feeling a little embarrassed. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed.”
“Wow, that’s weirdly nice of you, Mike,” Max says jokingly. “Where was that attitude when I came along?”
Mike flushes at her words, not realizing the rest of the room was listening in. It’s not often that he or Will share stories from before the party, when it was just the two of them, but he knows that Dustin and Lucas are always keenly interested. Sure enough, Lucas chimes in,
“Tell us more stories, Will.”
“Yeah, tell us baby Mike stories!” El’s face is bright with intrigue. “I want to hear.”
“Oh, sure,” Mike grumbles. “What, is it Embarrass Mike Day today?”
“Oh, come on,” Will pouts, and for a moment Mike does feel like a child again, as if he’s got six-year-old Will staring back at him. “Just one?”
Mike rolls his eyes and relents with a waved hand. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
He sets about stirring the ingredients together, because someone has to (what even is nutmeg?), while Will starts telling a story. Thankfully, it’s only about the one time that Will accompanied the Wheeler’s on vacation, and nothing too embarrassing.
As he fumbles his way through the recipe, he relaxes a little. He’s missed Will’s storytelling voice - it reminds him of the rare occasions when he would agree to be Dungeon Master. He can tell by the reactions of his friends, that they too are a little entranced. It’s not often that Will lets himself go like this, and really gets into something, but it certainly is a sight to behold. With the gingerbread dough done, Mike leans an elbow on the counter and rests his gaze back on Will. They lock eyes for a moment, and Will gives him a brilliant smile that makes his stomach flip. By the time the story ends, Mike has rolled out the dough and used the cookie cutters to make (slightly messy) reindeers and gingerbread men.
“So, I guess you’ve always been this stupidly earnest,” says Max. Mike considers the assessment. It’s something that Will has actually said to him before, albeit in a much nicer way. That one of his favorite things about Mike is how he acts with so much sincerity and conviction no matter the situation.
“Guess so,” he replies, shooting a sideways glance at Will, who is still smiling at him. “Let’s get these in the oven.” He gestures to the tray. “And, let’s not forget to take them out, this time.”
Will laughs and grabs the tray off the bench. “We can’t have you crying again, can we?”
They smile at each other for a second, reminiscing.
Of course, the moment is ruined when Dustin opens up the tin of cinnamon and tips it onto Will’s head.
“Dustin!” Will splutters, as powder rains down all over his hair and his sweater. “What was that for?”
“Oops,” Dustin says innocently. “Slipped.”
Mike waves his hand in front of his face and coughs slightly as cinnamon powder works its way into his lungs. He shoots a glare at Dustin, taking Will’s arm and walking him to the sink.
“Don’t open your eyes,” he warns. “It’s like, all over your face.”
He wets a paper towel and goes to hand it to Will, but he catches Dustin miming something out of the corner of his eye. A very over the top charade of him pretending to wipe something of El’s face, who is giggling in the corner. Mike rolls his eyes but gets the picture.
“Okay, hold still,” he says to Will, before gently wiping the towel over his eyelids. Feeling a little self-conscious under four sets of eyes he sends them all a glare over his shoulder.
“Would you lot do something useful? Like wipe up the mess? Or put the biscuits in the oven?”
They spring into action with sheepish grins, grabbing more paper towels to wipe cinnamon off the floor and benches, and Lucas shoves the baking tray into the oven.
“Am I good yet?” Will asks him. Mike wipes his face a few more times.
“Think so.” Will’s hazel eyes blink open and he sends Mike a grateful smile, before shaking his hair out like a dog. Mike laughs and grabs him by the arm to steady him when he gets a little dizzy.
Will blows his fringe out of his face and holds his arms out as if presenting himself for inspection. “Better?”
Mike looks at him consideringly. “I think you need a new jumper.”
Will makes a face and goes to pull his ruined jumper off.
“Just chuck it in the laundry,” Mike says. “I’ll grab you a new one.”
He runs up the stairs and into his room, spotting Will’s suitcase on the floor next to the bed. He pauses for a moment, considering, before turning to his own wardrobe and pulling out a forest green sweater that Nancy got him last Christmas, that has on it a little dinosaur wearing a Santa hat. He grins to himself. Perfect.
When he comes back downstairs, Will is apparently in the bathroom. Mike rounds on Dustin immediately. “What was up with that?”
Dustin gives him a knowing look. “It was the perfect plan, that’s what’s up. Close physical contact plus helping someone in a time of need? That’s a recipe for love if I’ve ever heard it.” Then, he points down at the sweater in Mike’s hands. “And that is definitely your jumper, you wore it last Christmas. Sharing clothes is romantic trope number one.”
Mike squints at him. “You sound like a conspiracy theorist. Or like you’ve read too many romance novels.”
Dustin just shrugs benignly and Will re-enters the kitchen, hair dripping.
“Dude, what did you do?” Lucas asks.
Will grimaced. “Stuck my head under the tap. I thought it would be a good way to get rid of the cinnamon.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” says Dustin.
Will sends him a look. “Sure you are.”
Mike hands him the jumper, and Will doesn’t say anything about the fact that it’s not his.
“Well.” Dustin claps his hands, looking pleased. “Let’s check on those cookies, shall we?”
Later on, when the party has left and Mike and Will are curled up in bed (yes, Mike didn’t feel the need to remind Will that the sleeping bags were now dry, and no, Will didn’t feel the need to ask), Will brings up the jumper thing. He’s still got it on, as the weather is just cold enough to wear sweaters to bed.
“So, this isn’t mine,” he says, tweaking the neckline.
Mike scrambles for an excuse. “Uh, I couldn’t find your suitcase?”
Will looks at him disbelievingly.
“I mean, I couldn’t find a jumper inside your suitcase?”
Will smiles. “It’s okay, Mike. I like this jumper.”
“Oh. Right.” Mike can’t stop himself from adding: “It looks good on you.”
Will says nothing, just ducks his head a little so it sits below Mike’s face. Mike suspects that he’s hiding a blush, which makes him ridiculously happy. And yep, sure enough, when Will pulls back his cheeks are slightly flushed.
“Your hair still smells like cinnamon,” Mike whispers.
Will grins and promptly shoves his head under Mike’s nose again. Mike pushes him gently away and sneezes. “God,” he says, eyes watering. “Dustin really did a number on you.”
Will shrugs, running his hand through his hair so it sits back off his forehead. “I like cinnamon.”
“You’re going to make my sheets smell,” Mike complains, although he really doesn’t mind.
“Yeah, and everytime you go to sleep, you’ll have good memories. That’s how olfaction works, right? You’ll smell a good smell and have nice dreams.”
Mike laughs. “Okay, nerd. When did you swallow a biology textbook? I’ll be sure to sniff my pillows real hard after you’re gone so I dream of you.”
Will smiles back, and Mike’s only half-joking, because the scent lingers in his nose and he’s sure that from now on cinnamon is only ever going to remind him of Will.
They settle down into the bed, and even after just two nights, Mike doesn’t hesitate to draw Will closer when he curls his body around Mike’s.
“Christmas Eve tomorrow,” he whispers. “You excited?"
He feels Will nod against his chest. “Yeah. I kind of like Christmas Eve better than Christmas Day. Just the anticipation of it all.” His words are blurry with sleep, so Mike just hums in response.
Will whispers a goodnight, and Mike just about whispers one back before he too drifts off, the scent of cinnamon in his nose. And you know what? That night he does have good dreams.
Phase Four (Suprise Edition): El’s Wisdom Saves The Day
Mike, Will, and El spend Christmas Eve morning babysitting Holly, and really, Mike doesn’t think he’s ever seen a more adorable sight than Will teaching his little sister how to draw. They lounge about the living room floor, eating candy canes with the radio on, and Mike spends most of the morning with a dopey smile on his face, which El definitely teased him about, but he’s far too gone on the whole situation to really care. Of course, when she drags him into the kitchen under the pretense of getting snacks, he starts to care a little more.
“What are you doing?” Blunt and straight to the point, as she always is.
“What do you mean?” Mike tries to dodge the question. “We’re babysitting Holly.”
El sends him a pointed look that Mike just knows she’s picked up from Max. “I mean, what are you doing with Will?”
“Oh, that.” Mike struggles for an answer. “I don’t really know.” Truthfully, there have been half a dozen times over the past few days where Mike thought that Will was going to say something to him. He had been hoping that something would be Will confessing his feelings because after all, Will had always been the brave one.
“The plans,” El prompts. “Have they been working?”
Mike fills up a glass with juice for her, and then for himself, just to give his hands something to do. “I think so,” he says slowly. “I mean we keep having all these moments.”
“Moments?”
“Yeah, like, when we were ice skating, or even last night when we watched that movie, he put his head on my shoulder.”
El sips her juice. “You want to know what I think?”
“Always.”
“I think plans are stupid. And we’re not stupid.”
“Well,” Mike says, thinking of the party. “We’re probably a little stupid.”
El giggles. “No, I mean that you don’t need a plan. Will’s my brother, and I know he is brave, but he will never tell you how he feels without you bringing it up first.”
“Well, maybe if I drop enough hints-”
“Hints?” El makes a face of disgust. “No hints. I hate hints. I wish people would just say how they feel, all the time. It would make everything so much easier.”
And Mike has to agree. “So, you think I should just confess? Just say it?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Okay, but what if he doesn’t like me back?” Although a lot of his doubt had been washed away this week, Mike can’t help the little bit that remains.
El’s tone is gentle when she speaks. “Mike, none of that matters. Will loves you and he is always going to be your best friend. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, he won’t be angry. He would never be angry with you. You should just tell him.”
And that’s probably the most reassuring thing Mike has ever heard in his life.
“God, when did you get so wise?” He nudges El with his elbow.
El grins. “I’ve always been wise.” And for a moment, she seems so different to that little girl Mike had once hid in his basement.
“California’s been really good for you, huh?”
El nods. “Yes, it really has.” Then she pauses. “But I would still come back to Hawkins, if I could.”
“Really? Even after everything bad that’s happened here?”
“Hawkins is my home,” she says simply. “The first place I ever had a family. You, Max, Lucas, Dustin.” She floats her juice out of her glass and sends the bubble of liquid floating up towards the ceiling. “And now Will is my family, too. And I had brothers and sisters before, but they weren’t the same. Will and Jonathan and Joyce. They’re my family.” The juice falls back into the glass with a splash. “Me and Will have talked a lot. Helped each other. We understand each other. And I think we could do it - move back here.”
“Yeah?” Mike feels a little emotional. Not just about El and how free she’s become, but about the possibility that the Byers could once again call Hawkins their home.
“Yes. We’ve come a long way, Mike.”
He nods. “Yeah. Me too.”
They share a smile, and despite all their teasing and their hijinks, Mike feels truly grateful to have such great friends.
Then the doorbell rings and he hears Max shout, “Wheeler, open up. We’re freezing out here,” and the moment is effectively ruined.
He sends an exasperated glance at El. “Can’t get one moment of peace around here.”
The doorbell rings again, and El grins and runs into the hallway. “Who needs peace when you have friends?” she calls over her shoulder.
Mike supposes that’s true. The parents arrive back home a few minutes after the party, so he’s able to give Holly back to them, and join the others in the basement. Mrs Byers pokes her head in after a few moments and pulls El and Will away for ‘family stuff’, whatever that means. And with Will gone, so is Mike’s safety shield and the interrogation starts immediately.
“So, what’s been happening-”
“The ice skating was totally romantic. You guys looked like you were on an actual date-”
“I know that the sleeping bags are still in the laundry, Wheeler, so don’t even deny that my plan worked-”
“Okay, everyone shut up,” he says loudly. He tries to summarize. “Nothing has happened, ice skating was fun, don’t even talk to me about sleeping bags, and no, Dustin, cinnamon in the face is absolutely not romantic.”
“Hey, let’s not forget that there wouldn’t even be a plan, if not for me. Cinnamon or no cinnamon, I deserve credit.”
Mike makes a face. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Nothing’s even happened yet.”
“But you’ve shared a bed, right?” Max asks, leaning forward. “And Will is definitely not wearing his own jumper.”
“You held hands, basically all day at the ice skating rink. That has to mean something-”
“Okay, okay,” Mike holds his hands up, somewhat regretting even getting himself into this situation. “If something does happen - and that’s an if, I’ll let you know. Now, can we lay off the questioning? I feel like I’m in one of my mom’s rom-coms.”
“The fact that you even know what a rom-com is tells me everything I need to know,” says Max.
Mike flips her off.
“Mike!” Will’s voice travels down to the basement. “Come up here for a second?”
Lucas grins. “Better go see what he wants, huh?”
“Yeah, have fun up there, loverboy-”
“No, Dustin, absolutely not.”
Mike scurries up the stairs, feeling a little relieved to escape the questioning (and Dustin’s horrifying nicknames). He passes El on the way up. “Any idea what’s up?”
Her eyes gleam. “Good news, I think.”
That bodes surprisingly well, so Mike runs up the rest of the stairs, taking them too at a time. In the front hallway, Will is waiting for him.
“What’s up?”
Will doesn’t say anything, just grabs Mike’s arm and pulls him outside onto the back porch.
“Okay,” Mike laughs, as he follows. “What’s going on?”
Will pulls the back door shut, and turns to Mike. He’s beaming, eyes alight, and Mike suddenly thinks that this is it. His efforts over the past few days haven’t gone unnoticed. And Will’s about to tell him that he feels the same. That he likes him. Will opens his mouth to speak, and Mike’s heart just about jumps out of his chest.
“We’re moving back to Hawkins!” Will bursts out, looking giddy with happiness.
And…that’s not what Mike expected. His heart dampens a bit in disappointment, before he actually processes the words that Will said, and it speeds right back up again. “What?”
“Yeah! We decided just then. Well, officially decided - we’ve been talking about it for months and I wanted to tell you so bad, but I didn’t want to get your hopes up just in case - but we’re doing it. We’re moving back.”
The excitement in Will’s voice is palpable and Mike can’t help the reflexive smile that slides onto his face.
“This holiday, it was sort of like a trial run,” Will continues, a little less breathless than before. “To see if we could do it - you know, to see if me and El were okay. Make sure we don't feel anything, anymore.”
Mike nodded slowly, still feeling a little speechless.
“And we didn’t. So, we’re doing it. Just in time for senior year, too.”
And suddenly, Mike feels as if all his worries have evaporated. It was a quiet whisper of fear that he hadn’t expressed to any of his friends, when they first came up with the plan. That maybe, just maybe, if all of this worked, and Will did love him back, he would only end up going back to California and they wouldn’t even get to be together. Not properly. But now? The very thing he had wished for, ever since the Byers’ first moved away, was coming true.
Will’s still looking at him, eyes bright and hopeful, face plastered with a smile that makes Mike’s heart jolt. Distantly, he hears his friends' voices in his head. Dustin’s bold, ‘what’s the worst that could possibly happen?’ Lucas’ dry, ‘assuming, of course, that he’s not already in love with you.’ Max’s - well, Max’s voice is less of a voice and more of a very pointed look. And lastly, El’s gentle and understanding, ‘you should just tell him.’
“Mike.” Will’s voice is a little hesitant. “Everything okay?”
And Mike means to say something reassuring and celebratory, he really does. He means to tell Will how excited he is that he’ll finally be coming home. Instead, his mouth moves without any input from his brain.
“I love you,” he blurts. No bells and whistles, no ribbons or wrapping. Just that, plain and simple. I love you.
He looks up at Will, trying to gauge his reaction. Good or bad, he just needs to know what he thinks. Will’s face however, is schooled into a polite sort of confusion.
“Uh, I love you, too?”
And it hits Mike, that Will, in all his unwillingness to make any assumptions, doesn’t quite grasp his meaning.
“No, that’s not what I mean,” Mike manages, heart pounding. “I mean - of course, I love you, but I really mean that I love love you. Like I’m in love with you.”
And now Will’s face shows his feelings, eyebrows raised slightly in shock, mouth parted, eyes wide in a mix of confusion that moves to understanding that moves to something akin to affection.
“Romantically.” Mike feels the need to clarify. “I mean in a romantic sense.”
“Oh,” Will says softly. And then they both just stare at each other for a moment, and Mike feels like if Will doesn’t say something right now then he will actually explode.
Will takes a little step closer, and Mike hones in on his mouth, telling himself it’s only because if Will speaks, his non-existent powers of lipreading will allow him to understand quicker, just what he is saying. But Will’s mouth doesn’t start forming a sentence. Instead, it just moves closer, and closer, and closer, until he’s hovering just an inch away from Mike’s lips. Suddenly, Mike tears his eyes away from Will’s mouth (which looks soft and pink and oh, so kissable) and up to meet his gaze.
“Hi,” he whispers, and Will’s eyes crinkle in amusement.
“Hey.” Will shifts closer still, bracketing Mike against the porch railing with his arms.
“This is…cozy.” Mike mentally slaps himself for the awkwardness of that comment, but Will is huffing out a laugh that he can feel brush against his lips, and all rational thoughts disappear from his brain.
“Mike?” Will breathes, voice barely more than a whisper. Mike doesn’t think he’s managed a reply, but Will continues on anyway. “I love you, too.”
Then Will tilts his head forward, just a little bit more, and kisses him. And any semblance of sanity that Mike has left in his brain immediately melts into a puddle and seeps out of his body and between the porch floorboards. Will’s kiss is somehow exactly what Mike expected. It’s just Will. Soft and sweet, but also sure of itself, with a hand reaching up to gently hold Mike’s jaw. He tastes of peppermint, like the candy canes they were just eating, and his lips are warm. He eases Mike back against the railing, and Mike lets him, sure that if Will’s other hand wasn’t holding his waist, he would currently be collapsed on the floor.
When Will pulls back, Mike feels in a daze. He vaguely registers that Will is saying something to him, and pulls enough power back into his brain to ask: “What? Sorry, what did you say?”
Will gives him a knowing little grin, like he is well-aware of the effect he is having. “I asked if this is why you’ve been acting so weird? Not just you, but everyone.”
“Oh,” Mike says, cheeks flushing. “Maybe a little bit. We were kind of trying to make you fall in love with me - we had a whole plan and everything. Three steps.”
“Three whole steps?” Will teases. “Well, too bad the whole thing was unnecessary, because I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Mike pretends that he doesn’t hear the amazed little giggle that exits his own voice box. “Lucas said something like that. That the plan assumed that you weren’t already in love with me.”
“Ah, yeah, he kind of already knew,” Will admits sheepishly.
“What ? He knew?”
“Well, falling in love at eleven-years-old is a big deal! I had to tell someone, and it’s not like I could talk to you, so Lucas seemed like a good option.”
Mike shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe he knew this whole time.”
“Yeah, we’ve had a lot of phone calls about it,” Will says. And then Mike pauses, as he realizes something.
“Eleven-years-old? You fell in love with me when you were eleven-years-old?”
Will flushes. “Um, yeah. It’s been a long time, I know, but-”
“I was ten,” Mike cuts him off, and Will blinks up at him. “I was ten when I fell in love with you.”
“Oh,” Will breathes. Then his face breaks out into a grin and he pokes Mike in the ribs. “So, you totally fell first. I am never going to let you live that down.”
And then he darts forward once more to place a quick kiss on Mike’s lips. When he goes to pull back, Mike grabs onto the front of his sweater - no, Mike’s sweater, that Will is still wearing - and holds him in place. He feels Will smile against his lips for a moment, before he obliges and kisses Mike again.
Mike lets his brain go fuzzy and focuses on the smooth, warm movements of Will’s mouth. He lets himself get swept away on the wave that’s crashing through his body, making his stomach feel pleasantly warm, and his skin tingle. Where Will learnt to kiss like this, Mike has no idea, but he isn’t complaining. When Will pulls back, Mike has to physically stop himself from chasing his lips again, and Will huffs out a little laugh.
He feels as if a million thoughts should be racing through his brain right now - he should be trying to process the wave of happy emotion he is currently feeling, but instead when he opens his mouth, all he manages to say is: “Kiss me again?”
And yep, he supposes that just about sums up the only coherent thing in his head right now. Luckily, Will obliges, and tilts his chin up to capture Mike’s lips in another kiss. And wow, it’s just as head-swimmingly good as the last two, and Mike knows he is never going to get sick of this feeling. Will retreats though, after only a brief moment and bumps his forehead gently against Mike’s.
“We should probably head back inside. The others will be wondering where we are.”
Mike’s about to protest, but then he thinks about everyone coming looking and finding them kissing on the porch, and makes a face. He doesn’t think he could stand the smug looks.
“Yeah,” he agrees, tangling Will’s hand in his own. “Let’s head back inside.”
He lets Will pull him towards the basement, and they pause on the stairs. Will holds up their joined hands. “Should we just tell them now? Get it over with?”
Mike’s about to agree, when another thought occurs to him. He looks at Will with a conspiring grin. “Or, we could make our own plan.”
Understanding blooms on Will’s face and he grins wickedly (and damn, if mischievous is not a good look on him). After a few minutes of planning, they push open the basement door, hands still joined. The chattering of their friends grinds to a halt, and Mike can see four sets of eyes look at his and Will’s hands, and then look frantically at each other.
“We have news,” Will says brightly, pulling Mike down onto the couch, so close he’s almost sitting in his lap. The others glance at each other once more, before jumping into a flurry of motion. Dustin drops the VHS tapes he was holding, Lucas and Max hurry over from where they were chatting by the window, and El releases her hold on the Millenium Falcon toy she was hovering, letting it drop to the ground with a crash. All four scramble over furniture items to come sit, stand, and kneel in front of the couch, and Mike feels vaguely like he’s a kindergarten teacher about to read a storybook. He nudges Will’s arm and asks: “Ready?”
Will nods and looks across at them all, pausing for a long moment to let the tension build. “Okay. Our news is…”
He stalls for an unbearably long time, so Mike pinches his side, wanting him to just spit it out so they can get their friends' reactions.
“Okay, okay. We’re moving back to Hawkins!”
“What?”
“That’s your news?”
“But what about-” El catches on quickly, and shuts Dustin up with an elbow to the side.
“Yes! That’s the big news,” she says, standing up and shoving herself onto the armrest of the couch next to Will. She slings her arm around his shoulder. “We’re moving back! For senior year.” She glances down at everyone’s shocked faces. “Well, aren’t you all pleased?”
Immediately, the rest of the party scramble out their happy responses. Max jumps up and squeals, wrapping El into a hug as Lucas and Dustin do the same to Will. Due to their proximity, Mike gets an elbow or two in the ribs and he shoves both of them off.
“Okay, okay,” he laughs. He slides his hand onto Will’s leg and grins internally at the way Dustin’s eyes boggle. “Glad you’re all so pleased.”
Will leans forward and rests his chin on a hand, face breaking into a cheeky smile. “You all seemed so shocked. I mean, what other news were you possibly expecting?” Then he slides his hand into Mike’s where it’s resting in his lap, with a big exaggerated movement that draws everyone’s attention.
Lucas stares at Will, as if attempting to telepathically communicate. Will just stares at Mike who, in turn, stares at Dustin, who stares at El, who stares (and probably succeeds in telepathically communicating) at Max, who stares back at Lucas.
Max is the first one to break the silence. “You’re fucking with us, aren’t you?”
And that’s enough to send Mike into a fit of laughter.
At once, four voices break into excited chatter.
“I told you, Mike. Didn’t I say that this was a good idea-”
“I know that my plan worked best. Ice skating is the perfect date-”
“Oh, come on, Lucas, you seriously think yours was the best? The sleeping bags are literally still in the laundry-”
“Okay, okay, okay,” Will laughs. “Everyone calm down.”
“So,” says El. “Are you dating now?”
Mike glances sideways at Will, feeling a little embarrassed by all the attention. And by the fact that they hadn’t actually taken the time to decide on that answer. But Will smoothes away his worries with a quick nod of his head.
“Yeah, but you don’t have to make a big deal of it.”
“Are you kidding? This is a huge deal-”
“You so owe us, Mike. This whole plan was a huge success-”
Mike sees Will’s confusion and leans over to give him a brief overview of the whole plan thing. “It’s kind of embarrassing, really,” he mutters at the end.
Will sends him a bright smile. “Nah. It’s kind of sweet.”
Max mimes vomiting at them, so Mike throws a pillow at her.
“So, Will, enlighten us. Did our plans work?”
Will contemplates. “Well, Lucas’ definitely. Max’s was a nice addition. Dustin - your plan was just chaos and I’m still finding cinnamon in my hair.”
“Hey-” Dustin tries to object, but Mike cuts him off.
“El’s plan worked the best.”
The others look around at each other in disbelief. “What? El didn’t even have a plan, she helped with mine,” says Max.
El smiles from her perch next to Will. “My plan was the best plan, because it wasn’t a plan.”
“She basically told me just suck it up and get it over with,” Mike explains. “Really, someone should have said something sooner.”
“We tried-”
“You wouldn’t hear a word of it-”
“Oh, so now you’re capable of talking to Will like a normal person-”
Will ducks his head down to stage-whisper in Mike’s ear. “They’re just so supportive, aren’t they?”
“Truly, we have incredible friends.”
Will laughs and wraps an arm around El. “Well, I definitely have an incredible sister.”
And honestly, the whole moment is so incredibly saccharine that if Mike was surrounded by any other group of people, he would have found the entire thing obnoxious. But he supposes that they are a bunch of sixteen-year-olds at the end of the day, and this has been a long time coming, so he sits back and lets the conversation wash over him.
After the chaos dies down a bit, Dustin brings back their attention to what is really, the most important question.
“Wait, so, you weren’t joking before right? With the whole distraction bit? You really are moving back to Hawkins?”
Will and El exchange glances. “Yeah, we are,” Will says. “The lab and the Upside Down - it’s all gone now. And it’s been long enough that El won’t be in danger, and long enough that living here doesn’t feel like a nightmare, anymore. So, yeah. We’re moving back.”
Will’s words bring the tone down just a notch, and Mike finds himself feeling silently grateful as the high-strung energy seeps out of the room.
Max gives a firm nod and turns to El. “It’s going to be okay. In fact, it’s going to be great. And nothing’s happened for almost two years. You’ll be safe.”
“I know we will,” El says. “I’m sure of it.”
They all settle a little as the news sinks in. Lucas pulls El into a celebratory hug, and Dustin beams around at them all.
“The party,” he proclaims with grandeur. “We were once apart, but now: together once more.”
Everyone collectively rolls their eyes (“Dustin, stop being pretentious-” “You seriously have got to start talking normally-” “You’re so overdramatic-”).
But the message sinks in nonetheless. The party is back, and they’re back for good. Mike grins to himself and nudges Will in the side.
“Worthwhile trip, right?” he whispers. “And it’s not even Christmas Day yet.”
“Like I said,” Will whispers back. “Christmas Eve is always so much better.”
And he’s right. Between the overlapping chatter of his friends, the faint sound of Christmas music and wine glasses clinking from upstairs, the way Will is sitting next to him, their ankles tangled together, Hawkins has never felt more like home.
#ao3#fanfic#fic upload#byler endgame#will byers#byler fanfic#fic reupload#stranger things 5#stranger things fanfic
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why talk about the others when i can talk about myself? i find it rather offensive you’re even asking about them.. but oh well. at least it’s about my opinion and not a “oh how are they?” “say hi to someone for me!”, otherwise i would have gone mad.
some are more bearable than others,
for example: simon, despite being all loony and ruining the choir’s look with his constant faints and i assure you, it is majorly trying to have to haul his addled self up to a place where he can rest, he can be dare i say pleasant sometimes. he may speak nonsense at times, but he’s one to help, useful, and i guess he’s... kind, something very far and few inbetween. perhaps that’s why no one really likes him, people don’t like those who are different. he’s still very much batty ‘hough, it would be better if he didn’t share his thoughts
then there’s ralph. he’s, fine i suppose. it’s just, it’s rather hard to tell with him. i mean, it’s difficult to form a solid opinion on him considering he… he’s odd, and little seem to notice it or see him that way. i don’t know how else to describe it which is shocking, i know. as someone who got full marks in writing, you’d think i’d have enough adjectives known to describe him. but, even then, there are special cases. my father told me you don’t want to be special, at least not like that, because then you’ll be sent where the mental are. i’m special though, but in a reverenced way and i don’t mean he’s odd like a roger odd, or maurice odd. it’s just, one moment he’s splashing about in the water like a littlun and the next he’s so serious about duties. first he’s so friendly with that god awful merridew, and next he’s to simon, and then he and piggy are attached. he’s a leader, and suddenly he’s a coward. but, as much as i would like to keep going i can’t say much, to be fair i did vote for him even if it was only to spite merridew
i do absolutely hate it ‘hough when he’s always going “everette! go and build a hut!”, get it in your mind that i’ve self designated myself to fire duty. why ask me to build a hut? im not going to get all dirty, you mangy ket.
oh and don’t get me started on piggy. it’s always all blether with him, i can barely stand him. even me saying his name is making my head hurt because apparently that’s all he likes to do. i’ll admit, his ideas could have a smidge of potential if it weren’t for how narking he is, it’s all whine with him and all he talks about is “oh but my aunt” and “ralph, my asthma!”. the only thing he’s useful for isn’t even himself, but his glasses. i mean, how else would we start the fire? i’m sure if he didn’t have those then he would have lived true to his name, all the other boys would have butchered him by now, if he wasn’t already slaughtered by the amount offenses thrown his way.
merridew, jack merridew. the way he speaks, the way he looks, the way he acts, the way his gritting voice sings kyrie eleison? he’s an absolute fool and i hate him, i despise every part of him. and you might be saying that i’m over exaggerating, that i simply am overestimating the extent of it, but i know well how i feel about him. everyone knows it, i know it, he knows it, and i have no problem letting you know either. you wanted to know my opinion so badly after all. you wouldn’t understand.
merridew has always been someone who has been intertwined into my life no matter how much i try to untangle myself. in school he was always the one to raise his hand first, just a second before me. in choir he was always the one appointed to lead small sections for some reason while the director was gone for a few moments despite the fact i sing better, i keep counts better. when there was church it seemed as though his bible was apart of him, praise following him for being so devout. i knew how he truly was though, i knew that the choir prefect, chapter choister, merridew was really just a pathetic boy.
one day, i told myself. i’d be free, be rid, from the wretchedness that consumed me. but no, god had other plans. grace was not given when we crashed on this island. stuck with merridew, more stuck than i ever have been. the way he’s so adamant about hunt, about that pursuit for blood. the way he sharpens a stick made spear, found no doubt about the bouts of forest. salvation, i need salvation. hate, gods i hate him. i hate him, i hate his freckled face, i hate his eyesore ginger hair, i hate the way he looks at me. he will never be better than me.
— everette ainsworth
#lotf#lord of the flies#lotf oc#everette ainsworth#cleaning out old asks + reusing old art#if you read thru all of that ily
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Hey thsc community, can y’all send me some asks ab my characters or headcannons please? Kinda a long day already and I wanna come back home to do something fun—-
#thsc#asks#... please?#genuinely asking#I just want to be gone from this appointment#I got here at 9:30 and I’m still not done due to a misshap#IT IS 3:40 PM
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ok so. i’ve been thinking abt the same age au again (an all timer!! one of the best aus we’ve ever discussed i think. always on my mind and in my heart) and. marc visiting vale in tavullia for the first time. when and how does it happen. and does it include marc meeting baby luca….
also in the same vein, vale WOULD be visiting marc in cervera here, meeting the family, meeting alex! marc does not invite many riders to his home but ofc he invites vale.. do they share marc’s bed in the room he shares w alex question mark. maybe so.
WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL ASK... hmmm... i think its more likely that marc visits vale first than vale visiting marc... like i could see vale wanting to pull a lil bit of a power game. inviting marc to HIS spot rather than getting mobbed by marc's entire extended extremely involved family etc. (side note: marc's huge close knit family vs the comparative adolescent turmoil of vale's. interesting to explore. does vale feel a lil weird about how thin he thinks his life is when marc is like HEY can i bring ALEX ? and call my MOM? and my GRANDPA? and he looks at his two too-young somewhat distant parents who have new kids/families... does he not want to be confronted with what it'll mean internally to put himself in that position around MARC? at MARC'S HOUSE? yeah hes doing his in italy. at least for the first time)
so anyways. i think its somewhat like irl where its ostensibly this causal invitation to come train that is actually a like. somewhat horny attempt to scope out the competition while also being a very genuine desire to simply hang out. rosquez contain multitudes. and vale honestly spends a lot of time with teen marc hanging off the back of his bike that his dad bought him that he initially hated until it got cool (it is cool now and marc REALLY likes it. expected to be bored bc he doesnt like road biking but vale is doing his typical cop-skirting joyful mildly illegal and highly unsafe speeding shenanigans on these windy tavullian backroads that goody two-shoes marc LOVES). it does NOT go without a hitch because they both feel weird about whoever 'wins' their training sessions AND this is maybe the first time vale introduces marc to uccio (speaking of power games have you ever been introduced by a new friend to their BEST friend and it is very clear that they dont like you. and you both maybe wanna fuck the initial friend. its very that its HUGELY covertly bitchy) BUT marc also gets to hang out in vale's rad 90s teen bedroom with the bugs bunny plush and maybe make out with him a little in an extremely fraught manner
#sorry for this taking a while elle my brain went blank everytime i looked at it for a minute but i loved it so i wanted to actually answer#meeting the brothers: exact same as the uccio situation but marc is oblivious and alex isnt like. being mean hes just Always There.#meeting luca: marc's skinny lil teen shoulders holding up that fat baby. ruffles his hair when he sees him in the paddock. luca LOVES him#motogp#callie speaks#asks#rosquez#same age au#i think as they get older/more titles/better AND worse but always more codependent vale does haul ass to cervera but not as often#esp after they start racing in misano in 2007 and theres a track so close to vale's house plus the ranch#like i think the dick appointments are mostly race-based until they make it official and especially post arm injury#idk theres less emotional distance from marc's family bc the age gap/hero worship is gone so maybe roser makes vale pasta lmao#but i think hes still weird about it !
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Had this moment of extreme anger and aggression out of nowhere and ended up hurting myself and then i wrote about it, went out to get some coffee, chatted w the coffee lady for 5 minutes, watched an episode of amphibia and now i feel weirdly refreshed and hopeful about life and the future??
#self harm cw#idk if i consider it sh because i really just slapped my thigh a bunch of times until it bruised a little#like there's no blood nothing serious happened i just wanted to break something#then i found a bunch of scrap paper and i tore it to shreds before i did anything stupid with the scissors on my desk#looking forward to this tattoo appointment so bad. i'm hoping to 1) get something so pretty it will make me happy and calm me down#whenever i look at it 2) to get something to pretty in my left forearm that it will stop me from doing anything to it to not risk ruining it#and 3) hopefully feeling all that pain will like... discharge everything in one go so i won't want to hurt myself again for some time#thinking about all the things that made me feel bad was the only thing that got me through my wisdom tooth removal surgert#like yes... yes... pain and suffering... i deserve... hurt hurt hurt#anyway two gone! only two more to go#in one hand: it's a genuinely helpful way to handle pain and pain is inescapable a lot of the time so having a mental resource to protect me#is pretty cool actually#on the other hand: oh my girlfriend is gonna cry so much when she finds out. i know it's not good or normal or healthy#i really need to talk about it with my therapist. idk why i get so angry. nothing happened#i'm just glad i was alone and there was no one i could take my anger out on. because that someone is usually my girlfriend#and i love her so much i never want to hurt her#i felt so proud of myself when she told me one day she thought i wasn't an angry person at all#that i rarely ever got mad#like... yes... yes... i have succeeded... at making myself appear harmless... this is everything angsty teenage me ever wanted...#personal#when does this therapy thing kick in guys#maybe i just need to tattoo my whole body so i won't do anything to it#for now: toothless tattoo on my arm will protecc it from my crazy brain. hopefully.
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feeling weird mixed feelings atm and I can't really logic them away, ig? on the one hand I'm completely apathetic about it. on the other hand there's a part of me that's absolutely horrified that I could do something like that. the fact that it's still a consistent low-level pain the whole time also doesn't help. anyway those kinds of thoughts are then making me want to harm again to cope with them but also a) it's manageable and b) I currently have a deep horror of self-inflicted pain after the last few days apparently.
#more specific blatherings in the tags so im gonna get them below the read more in case anyone doesn't want to read it#tw sh#because yes this is about the last few days and im gonna add a few more words to get the rest below the read more#the fact that while they aren't as deep as i've ever gone before they are unquestionably in volume far exceeding any#before. not that i count at the time or anything but there are at least sixty new cuts from the last week so no wonder it's painful#but yeah it's just. an interesting emotional feeling once the pressure that triggered them is gone#i don't know i don't understand myself really#glad i have a psych appointment monday really#if i didn't have one booked i'd probably be booking one about now#also bothered by how visible the ones on my wrist are going to be.#hopefully the redness will go away soon bc i don't think they're quite healed yet#teatree oil is helping tho so hopefully they won't be TOO obvious#the location means that yeah they will be visible but hopefully not too too much#and after all i have only for-sure hit the fat layer twice. maybe a few other times. there are a couple taking ages to heal atm#so they might've idk. and i haven't gone any deeper than that#honestly with the wrist ones the fact is that it was blunt and i couldn't#sharpen it at hte time. perhaps tmi but yeah this may have saved my life and or my hand function#but i might be overstating it. anyway apparently that was three weeks and one day ago?? wow#guys that entire day i was convinced i wasn't going to live to see the morning. the WHOLE DAY#i literally have a commie newspaper on my desk currently because they tried selling it at uni and i was so existential i was just like.#'what is life. what is money. who cares' and bought it. see this is the funny story i referred to. i can elaborate#personal#puddleglum hours#tw suicide
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Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair
Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!
#speculation nation#negative/#um. not hoping i have liver disease but the blood tests blatantly state that it's not working entirely right.#not like major enough to be an immediate health emergency. or else my doctor probably wouldve called me#rather than referring me to radiology.#im just hoping that it's something easy to treat. it really would be so nice for my problems to be fixed like that.#and im mentioning it in conjunction with the fatigue just bc it can cause fatigue. ya kno.#probably is a good thing i caught it this early whatever it is.#like maybe it's Not fibromyalgia. but the fact that i pursued diagnosis for fibromyalgia spurred the blood tests#which alerted my doctor to the abnormal liver enyzmes.#if i hadnt pursued diagnosis who knows how much longer this wouldve gone on like this...#so! im still not happy to be doing a Fucking ultrasound for my liver. but. if it means catching whatever this is early#then like. it'll be worth it. doubly so if it does end up fixing my fatigue problems.#or even just some of them. i dont even need to be at 100% of what others can do#i just wanna be able to do half an hour of chores without feeling like im going to collapse 😭😭😭😭#it's really very troublesome. my life would be so much easier if i had the energy to do more than one thing per day.#(and if i do more than one thing i end up nearly bedridden the rest of the day. like today lol.)#im just trying to look on the bright sides so i dont start freaking out again about my liver not working right.#ultimately. even if i dont feel amazing. i dont feel all that different from how ive lived the past decade of my life.#or at least the most recent years. i kind of feel like my chronic pain has gotten worse. maybe fatigue too.#though i do know ive been dealing with both for however long. idk. might be recency bias. who knows.#ANYWAYS. im not actively dying. so i'll live to my appointments. and then i will hope it's smooth sailing from there.#(oh god i hope i wont need surgery. i dont want surgery. please im trying to graduate college i do not want surgery)#(god why is my luck always so bad)
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#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed#so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something#i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad#and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS#i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me#ik realistically im probably not but i just#only three people would truly understand the situation#my mom my sister and my childhood best friend#my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again#my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like#i can always go to her about this shit#and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything#like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden#i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad#i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad#i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really#and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this#i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault#ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week#and idk i’m just#im not having a good time#i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this#previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was#and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it#and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up
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Aaaaahhhh…
… Was reading a (very good!) fic, and the author pointed out that it's Very Interesting that Kubo used Byakuya and Renji to explain Sasakibe's backstory, and I was like… Oh my gods.
Bc a) I love the whole 'I will be your right arm and do what you cannot' thing and b) I was just thinking about how I think that does apply to Byakuya and Renji.
Now it says in my contract I can't put too much stake in Tite 'I never thought we'd make it to the Soul Society' Kubo using too much deep literary symbolism/association, plus this is shonen, where said symbolism/association isn't a main priority (which is fine, BLEACH was my first manga/anime and I still love it in it's silly 2000s nonsense).
But to me… That is so them? It's a point of interest to me that Byakuya ever approved Renji as his Assistant Captain. Like. Surely that's a position that the Captain in question has to approve, since they'll be relying on each other so much. And you can't tell me Kuchiki Rules Lawyer Byakuya didn't do due diligence w/ the candidates. So why Renji to begin w/? Neither manga nor anime ever explains, and it's not relevant to the actual story. Renji bc the plot demanded it. But I also kinda like the idea of Byakuya intentionally picking someone who's a little more brash and aggressive than he allows himself to be. Someone who's more reliant on brute force and forging forward. Although it doesn't ultimately get explored much bc of the nature of the genre and the era it was written in, it comes across as Byakuya choosing someone who can be the things, have the reactions and emotions he feels he must withhold from himself. He's rigid and stoic and stingy about praise, while Renji seems to be pretty friendly with the squad and even has a subordinate that looks up to him. Like Byakuya know he's chilly and he needs someone more passionate and expressive to balance him out.
Which also makes the blood war arc events very interesting to me; unlike the other Captains, Byakuya has an Assistant who has bankai. He could, and by some theories should have had Renji use his bankai to test the enemy. He's the superior officer, technically stronger. From certain povs, it might have made more sense to risk the Assistant Captain's powers. But instead, he does it himself, and even after his bankai is stolen, he keeps insisting Renji stay back and learn from his fight (I do love the little aside in the manga where he tells Renji he's probably not smart enough to test the enemy and Renji grumbles but agrees w/ him, bc it felt so humanising and just… kinda brother-y for both of them). And even while horribly injured, he drags himself back to his feet when As Nodt starts attacking Renji. Now, it's probably also or the sake of the Soul Society itself. It makes sense, esp since they both have bankai, for one of them to stay back. But the fact that he has Renji do so, effectively sacrifices himself from the get-go, is so interesting to me.
And, of course, the very end of that fight clearly establishes how much Renji has come to mean to him. They could have just made him ask about Rukia, as so many of his appearances are primarily focused on her (sigh shonen), but instead, he apologises to both of them, and then the first thing he asks Ichigo is if they're both alive (non sequitur but if they hadn't been I thoroughly think Ichigo would have lied to him to spare him the knowledge, and also I'm a little lukewarm about Ichigo but I loved that moment).
It convinces me that while there was definitely logic/strategy in it, he was also trying to do his best to protect his Lieutenant, esp after shit truly hits the fan.
But to cycle back around to… What ever my point might have been, whether it's intentional or not, I think the fact that it's Renji and Byakuya used to tell us this story of the eternally loyal Assistant, that Byakuya clearly thinks very highly of Sasakibe's loyalty and duty. That it comes right at the start of that arc where the above happens. That Renji and Byakuya are… Aside from Shunsui and Nanao, I think the only Captain and Assistant pair that last the whole story? Oh, and Soi-Fon and her Assistant. And Hitsugaya and Rangiku! That they are one of four out of thirteen pairs that remain unchanged by the end.
I could go into a lot more (finding out the Captain you thought was kind and compassionate is a monster, while your emotionally challenged, expressionless jackass of a new Captain is a genuinely honourable and noble person), but that would get even more nonsensical. The short version is, I definitely think that whole philosophy, that image of the Assistant becoming the indispensable right hand that balances out the Captain, fills in for the things they lack or can't do for whatever reason, is really well displayed by these two, esp compared w/ some of the other dynamics we see (Momo and Izuru's blind devotion to their initial Captains, Yachiru being more moral support/after fight recovery, whatever the hell is the deal w/ Oomeda). Like Renji was his hot headed younger brother he was mentoring long before he and Rukia actually became a thing.
They're not the only ones, of course, Hitsugaya and Rangiku sync very well, so did Isane and Unohana. Kenpachi and Yachiru work, and Ikkaku stands a high chance of fulfilling the same role (albeit they should probably keep Yumichika on hand just in case). And tbh it didn't register w/ me the first time (I think partially bc I was a little overwhelmed by all the Things going on), but when someone else pointed it out… I'm like. Yeah. I think that means something.
#Firebird Randomness#should I just bite the bullet and tag BLEACH on it's own…#hmmmmmmm#no too nervous#though for anyone who reads tags obvi they're not exactly the same#for one thing I also feel like that conversation is another moment of Byakuya kind being a big brother mentor#Byakuya and Renji balance each other#but I think they've gone from their more semi hostile beginnings to it feels like Byakuya trying to mentor Renji into being his successor#so it's not exactly the same#and I mean this fic from five yearss ago described it really well and I'm too tired to do so myself#but that they've moved beyond Renji wanting to win against him#and it's more like the 'student' surpassing the teacher#like benevolent surpassing rather than wanting to fight him#it's about having his back and being an even better successor in a way#and hey technically Renji's a Kuchiki now Byakuya can appoint him Captain if anything happens XD#sigh#I'm love them can you tell#I'm over thinking a 2000s shonen manga/anime#but listen Byakuya was my first in a long line of grumpy big brother/dad mentors w/ katanas who Suffer#and I will forever love him for it#I should get some merch…#what tho#I'll think about it#Things You Didn't Know Fire Was Into
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Caved and went to my doctor about trying a new medication and I am Zoloft gang now 😔 I don’t want to be on medication again but I’m getting very close to psychotic episodes, basically already had one when I overdosed on thc…. also had an ekg done in office, need to have a 24h heart monitor, and got a referral to a cardiologist to hopefully find out what kind of disautonomia is happening to me
#my blood pressure has gone up from just the first appointment I had less than a month ago#and I be having heart palpitations a lot apparently#I did not realize that a palpitation is just being able to feel your heart thump#and I have that shit like all of the time just different severities#I want to go home to my bf already#fuck insurance and fuck me not being able to get insurance in my new home state without having any insurance for like a year probably#I’m too poor to be chronically ill man#today was a really bad day for my symptoms#I just want tomorrow to be better. and to have sweet dreams tonight…
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does anybody have any advice on seeking a diagnosis for chronic fatigue or just like. a chronic illness in general? I don't know how to bring up something specific like that w my doctor without like... seeming like I'm trying to diagnose myself and being dismissed
#I've never actually had a real appointment w this doctor before either so I don't rlly know what to expect from him yknow#I don't want to just pointedly bring up symptoms either#every time I've gone to the doctor before w problems they've either dismissed me#or been like okay we'll do some blood tests :^) and then nothing happens#so idk how to bring up a specific thing that I think is going and want medical evaluation of and help with#without coming off. a certain way idk#or being asked why I've never brought it up before if its been a problem like forever#and like. I have mental health stuff and insomnia and I don't want it to be brushed off as that...#anyway any advice woukd be much appreciated!!!#ghost posts#text
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Feeling just every single kind of horrific now I’m literally living my nightmare and have no where to run anymore
#lost my home my escape from this place and now im forced back into this awful living situation in a horrible town#its taking a physical toll im dizzy my stomach hurts i cant sleep right im sweaty i cant breathe#its just not real like this just cant be real#i can hear them chewing through the walls and i want them to stop but i cant cover my ears cuz then im vulnerable#my curtains are gone everyone is watching me theres spies all over the town the all report to each other#nagging nagging nagging because my god im so incompetent i cant even make a phone call#ive literally procrastinated rescheduling a very important doctor appointment for 2 weeks now cuz i literally cannot remember to do it#if i run away itll be pointless cuz theyll just find me and bring me back here#i would do anything just to cry and sob cuz then id get to feel better but my body wont let me im like emotionally constipated#ive been for who knows how fucking long#my father tells me that i need to overcome my autism and that im just not trying hard enough and that i need to talk to jesus#i dont love anything here i cant be bothered to try#and the ‘support’ i get is just. a cheap way of forcing me in#im gonna explode im seriously so uncomfortable so fed up so terrified so nauseous#its not even a dream this time but maybe it is but maybe it isnt i dont know i just punch the wall but never bleed#i want to breathe but its not working
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im feeling irritated and there’s so many reasons
#my brother has been working from home this week (he goes back tomorrow and Friday)#so I haven’t have alone time#i don’t have work to do so it’s not annoying that he’s here bc I feel watched#but i truly truly truly need my weekly alone time#he’s been taking the painkillers I use when I have cramps bc he hurt his ankle#and they’re almost gone and they’re expensive so I might hide them#oh… my period is almost here so there’s that#im waiting on an appointment with this psychiatrist and then hopefully I can go back with my parents until my grad ceremony#the weather isn’t helping either but it could be worse#im also bored but I don’t know what else to do with what I have here bc I have no money and I feel guilty asking for more money from my dad#i need to start writing and venting again#i know that helps#but since I’m bored and I’ve been crocheting stuff my hands hurt a bit#i just want to go home#mariana.txt
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