#I just want to be gone from this appointment

[bludhavens-finest]

Ok so this is the biggest blog I have so I will be talking about it here, also comics have always been inherently political so it makes sense to talk about here, this will be posted to the rest of my blogs as well

I’m going to tag this with tw’s, if you don’t want to see more shit about the election I get it believe me I do, that’s fine. If you do stay around I’m going to be incredibly blunt about this shit

1. Do not fucking kill yourself. The amount of queer and especially young people I have seen saying that they are going to is astronomical, these people are not worth loosing your life. If you need help, get help, talk to someone, at the end of this post I’ll add numbers/websites

2. If you are disabled like me, and you need something medically whether that be vaccines, surgeries, procedures, mobility aids, medications, or even certain information; get them now while you can. The medical system in America is a bitch to deal with and even harder to get into, most of my appointments take at least three months, but if you can get in and get things done before they switch who’s in office, get it done now.

3. If you are trans and planning to get gender affirming surgery or healthcare in the next few months same goes for you, get the surgeries while you still can and get on meds now, if you get on them now it’s going to be easier to keep the prescription for as long as you can.

4. If you’re a woman or afab, get birth control while you can. Because they are going to get rid of birth control at this point, they’ve already gone after abortions and this is the next step.

5. But queer/feminist/punk media and books while you still can, because yes they can and will ban books they already do it in schools

6. Honestly I would even go so far as to say start buying physical copies of certain bands if you can, because most hardcore and just regular punk bands will probably be less accessible

7. Honestly probably just get a vpn at this point, I know you’ve gotten an ad for one from a YouTuber before, look into the company’s, find one you can afford and like

8. If non-Americans or even just some Americans who are republicans (which if you are fuck off.) think this is an over-exaggeration it’s really not.

America is the only first world country without universal healthcare, most people in this country either die waiting for a doctor, die because of a doctor (medical negligence and malpractice are leading causes of death in America, over a quarter of a million people die a year because of it.), public transit is non-existent, disabled people have been fighting for our rights for decades, women lost the right to control their own bodies after having that right for less then a life span. Many woman were there when roe v wade passed and still alive when it was overturned. Because it all happened in the span of 50 years. The amount of violence in our police departments (that are only getting more and more funding), the lack of education and lack of historically accurate information taught in public schools, the literal fucking constant brainwashing campaigns.

This is all coming from someone who is Afab, a Minor, living in the south, mentally and physically disabled, a lesbian, and trans. Believe me I understand how fucking scared people are.

It is 2024 almost 2025, not 1970. You have access to information and you are entitled to being informed, so inform yourself. Check your own sources, do your own research.

I’m well aware that this all seems fucking dystopian, I know that it seems like there’s no point, but keep yourself safe. If you need a break from seeing all this filter your tags, go outside for a while, get off the internet, play with your pets, talk to friends. Just don’t let yourself sit in this and worry yourself to death, it’s not going to help anyone.

Numbers you can call: 1-866-488-7386 (Trevor project), If you go to their website you can also text if talking isn’t safe, 988 (suicide and crisis line),

[holylulusworld]

SHG for killers (1) - The first meeting

Summary: 6 men meet up to talk about their problems. They soon realize they need someone to help them solve their problems. This person is you. Whether you like it or not.

Pairing: Steve Kemp x fem!Reader, Lloyd Hansen x fem!Reader, Robert Pronge (Mr. Freezy) x fem!Reader, Andy Barber x fem!Reader, God, the bounty hunter x fem!Reader, Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of murder/killing for money, serial killers/hitmen, mentions of blood/gore, talk about crimes, self-help group for killers/hitmen, world building, we get to know the men first

Self-help group for killers masterlist

“IT STINGS!” His screams of pain and agony echo in Lloyd Hansen’s mind when he wakes from another restless slumber.

He’s a stone-cold mercenary. Merciless and fearless. Or he was. That was until a certain former CIA lapdog pissed onto everything Lloyd stands for. It doesn’t help that he lost two fingers while hunting Six down.

“Bastard,” he curses under his breath as his eyes focus on his hand mutilation. “Still miss my pussy fingers,” Lloyd grumbles angrily. “Wait until I find you, Sierra Six. You’re a dead man; you just don’t know it yet.”

He closes his eyes, replaying the scene again. Lloyd grits his teeth, remembering how he got into a grapple with Six, who blew off Lloyd's left pinkie and ring finger.

The finger prosthetics don’t make him feel better. Sierra’s win over him, the loss of his fingers and reputation, still stings. His self-confidence and ego were not only bruised but torn in two.

For months, he fails mission after mission. His team is long gone, and so is his patience. Lloyd is angry and out for blood. Preferable Sierra Six’s blood.

He tried anything to find the renegade assassin. So far, he didn’t even find a trace. Sierra Six is a master at hiding from his enemies. Lloyd gives him that.

“One day, you’ll pay for what you did.”

“No drugs. No contact with other offenders. No missing an appointment,” Ransom’s probation officer recites all the rules he must follow. “Mr. Drysdale, did you even listen?”

“All of you are telling me the same thing.” Ransom sneers. “You’re the fifth guy in not four months. I know the rules.” He leans back in the uncomfortable and cheap chair the probation officer offered him. “All of you try to get me behind bars again; I get it. You’re pissed because I got earlier than everyone expected.”

“Mr. Drysdale,” the probation officer replies, watching Ransom munch another cookie. “I really don’t have the time to make plans to get you behind bars again. That’s not in my job description. If you don’t have any problems, we can end the meeting for today.”

“Shit, just a sec.” Robert doesn’t have the time to talk to his ex today. “Listen, you got the money and the car. Let’s part on good terms.” He’s poorly hiding his anger. If she says one more word, he’ll sneak into her new apartment and kill her and the bastard who’s banging her brains out now. “I got a job to do.”

Robert hangs up the phone. He’s not done with the body yet. The client wants proof that her husband is dead. She’s a naughty one, Robert thinks to himself while getting the saw out. Well, all for customer satisfaction.

The doctor is not happy. He tried anything to make sure his business was flowing. Sadly, some people try to stop him from being successful.

“You had to cross me, didn’t you?" He looks down at his former partner and sneers. “We could’ve made so much money. But you had to find your conscience.”

Steve kicks the dead man, grunting as he’s bleeding on the brand-new carpet at his office. Killing his partner wasn’t in his plans for today. It’s not the first time he got his hand dirty.

If Steve were honest, he’d admit that he likes to get his hands dirty. As a doctor, he should save other people’s lives, not take them. Still, he can’t help but feel excited about his latest decision.

Watching the family grieve over the death of their recently killed father and husband, God furrows his brows. He never understood human emotions. The man he killed was a tyrant. He betrayed his business partners, terrorized his family, and cheated on his wife.

The man remains in his hideout to watch the family and friends mourn their loss. Lately, he likes to stick around to watch their reaction. Some scream. Others silently cry.

God likes the ones who put on a show for others the most. He did so all his life. Pretending in public that he’s a normal guy.

The truth is, he feels hollow because he never belonged...

Andy Barber steps out of the courtroom with his head held high. He won another case and can’t help but smirk as his opponent seems to be salty.

“Barber,” the prosecutor says, venom in his voice. “Congratulations on letting another monster go free.”

“If you wanted them in jail,” Andy says, and he dips his head to watch his client smirk at the victims of his cruelty, “you should’ve been a better lawyer.”

Andy walks toward his client, a spring in his step to shake the monster’s hand. He smirks and assures the man he deserves to walk out of the courtroom as a free man. Andy squeezes the man’s hand hard, making him wince. Who would’ve thought a lawyer could be so strong?

The serial rapist ends up dead after the accused was acquitted for lack of evidence. Lloyd recites the newspaper. “I see you’ve been very active lately, Barber. Do I need to remind you to keep it low?”

“No one asked you,” Andy shoots back. He doesn’t know why he’s still coming to the so-called self-help group. Andy doesn’t feel guilty for killing his clients. Who else would punish them for their crimes? “They had a choice, Hansen. It wasn’t me letting him go.”

“He’s not wrong,” Ransom says between munching a cookie and sipping on the expensive mochaccino he bought on his way to the group. “Baber got a point there.”

“Who asked you, amateur?” Robert sneers. He just can’t stand Barber or Drysdale. They are not worth his time, or so he thinks. He’s fine with Hansen and the guy calling himself God. They are like him—professionals. “I don’t even know why you, Mr. Lawyer, are here.”

“I invited them,” Hansen grunts. “If you want to leave, you can go anytime. I founded this group, not you.”

“Man, stop making a fuss!” Pronge shows his palms. “I only wanted to point out that they are not professionals. What if the cops find out about their hobby? What if they decide to get a deal and rat us out?”

Lloyd snorts. He looks at the black leather glove hiding his prosthetic fingers. “No one rats Lloyd Hansen out. We all agreed on complete secrecy. What we discuss here stays within this room.”

Andy rubs his bearded chin. Coming to the group to talk about the crimes he committed helped him improve. Lloyd and God even gave him advice on how to make his crimes look like accidents. “I’m going to therapy now,” he admits. “Not to talk about my hobby, though.”

“Therapy, huh?” Lloyd taunts, while Ransom smirks. God and Robert busy themselves with checking their phones for new clients. “I hope you’re not talking about our little group with the doctor.”

Steve sneers. “Don’t call these incompetent wannabes doctors. They are by all means nothing but pathetic losers trying to tell you how to live your life.”

“No one asked you, Dr. Frankenstein,” Ransom snaps at Steve. “Did you work on some nice asses and tits lately?”

“Shut up,” Steve jumps up, knocking his chair over. “At least I got a job, and I don’t live off my family’s money.”

“Shut up yourself!” Ransom puts his cookies aside and throws the rest of his mochaccino at Steve.

“Gentlemen!” Lloyd yells at Steve and Ransom. “We come here to talk about our problems and help each other improve. I didn’t come here, freezing my ass off on the way to watch you fight like girls over the latest fashion trend.”

“The therapy helps me more than coming here,” Andy raises his voice. “Your advice was good, but I think I’ll stick to her.”

The men stop fighting and stare at Andy.

“Her?” Lloyd licks his lips. “You’ve got a pretty little doctor for your therapist? Why didn’t you tell us before? We would’ve been all ears.”

“Why does this make a difference?” Andy cocks a brow. “She’s got a good reputation and listens to me. I talked to her for months, and she never pressured me into talking about my family.”

“Boohoo, your wife killed your murderous son and is as dead as your latest victim,” Lloyd mocks Andy. “Let’s talk about that pretty ass you’re seeing. Show us her reputation and shit.”

“Why?” Andy sighs deeply. He knew it was a mistake to talk about you and your sessions.

“For science,” Lloyd grins and snatches the phone out of Andy’s hand. Before Andy can protest, Lloyd throws the phone at God, nodding at him. “Unlock it, and look for the doc.”

Steve rolls his eyes. He didn’t come here to talk about some therapist. “Can we go back to business? Barber has a therapist. Maybe he even bangs her. Who cares?”

“Bangs her?” That picked Lloyd’s interest. “Not the worst idea. Maybe as a new version of therapy. Fuck all the bad memories out of her sweet cunt.”

“Got it,” God says and throws the phone at Lloyd. Y/N Y/L/N,” he recites your address and contact information. “She looks cute.”

“Cute?” Ransom laughs. “I didn’t know the word cute in your vocabulary. Show me.” Ransom walks toward Lloyd to look at the phone in his hands. “Not bad. Hey Barber, does she have a cute ass too?”

“Why are we talking about some woman? If our meeting is over, I’ll go back to business,” Steve says as he gets up. He wants to walk past Lloyd but glances at the phone. “Hmm…I’ve seen her before.”

Steve snatches the phone out of Lloyd’s hands. He looks at the pictures of you, licking his lips.

“Stop stalking my therapist,” Andy angrily says. “Can I get my phone back now?”

“I remember now,” Steve exclaims while staring at your pictures. “She accompanied one of her patients. They wanted surgery, but she talked them out of it. I hated her.” He shrugs.

“I bet she’s an uptight little doctor,” Lloyd muses. His smirk darkens as he looks at the men he brought together around two years ago. “Barber, did you already have a taste? I bet she tastes like strawberries.”

“Hansen, that is enough,” Andy grumbles. He snatches the phone out of Lloyd’s hands and turns to leave. “This was a waste of time!”

“Not to me.” Lloyd clenches and unclenches his fists. “I think I found something that will help us improve as a group. You all came here to talk about your problems and to get better at what you’re doing. I think this sweet doctor will be a big help.

Tags in reblog.

[mercifulbutbroken]

Hey thsc community, can y’all send me some asks ab my characters or headcannons please? Kinda a long day already and I wanna come back home to do something fun—-

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

feeling weird mixed feelings atm and I can't really logic them away, ig? on the one hand I'm completely apathetic about it. on the other hand there's a part of me that's absolutely horrified that I could do something like that. the fact that it's still a consistent low-level pain the whole time also doesn't help. anyway those kinds of thoughts are then making me want to harm again to cope with them but also a) it's manageable and b) I currently have a deep horror of self-inflicted pain after the last few days apparently.

[orcelito]

Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair

Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!

[voulezloux]

.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Aaaaahhhh…

… Was reading a (very good!) fic, and the author pointed out that it's Very Interesting that Kubo used Byakuya and Renji to explain Sasakibe's backstory, and I was like… Oh my gods.

Bc a) I love the whole 'I will be your right arm and do what you cannot' thing and b) I was just thinking about how I think that does apply to Byakuya and Renji.

Now it says in my contract I can't put too much stake in Tite 'I never thought we'd make it to the Soul Society' Kubo using too much deep literary symbolism/association, plus this is shonen, where said symbolism/association isn't a main priority (which is fine, BLEACH was my first manga/anime and I still love it in it's silly 2000s nonsense).

But to me… That is so them? It's a point of interest to me that Byakuya ever approved Renji as his Assistant Captain. Like. Surely that's a position that the Captain in question has to approve, since they'll be relying on each other so much. And you can't tell me Kuchiki Rules Lawyer Byakuya didn't do due diligence w/ the candidates. So why Renji to begin w/? Neither manga nor anime ever explains, and it's not relevant to the actual story. Renji bc the plot demanded it. But I also kinda like the idea of Byakuya intentionally picking someone who's a little more brash and aggressive than he allows himself to be. Someone who's more reliant on brute force and forging forward. Although it doesn't ultimately get explored much bc of the nature of the genre and the era it was written in, it comes across as Byakuya choosing someone who can be the things, have the reactions and emotions he feels he must withhold from himself. He's rigid and stoic and stingy about praise, while Renji seems to be pretty friendly with the squad and even has a subordinate that looks up to him. Like Byakuya know he's chilly and he needs someone more passionate and expressive to balance him out.

Which also makes the blood war arc events very interesting to me; unlike the other Captains, Byakuya has an Assistant who has bankai. He could, and by some theories should have had Renji use his bankai to test the enemy. He's the superior officer, technically stronger. From certain povs, it might have made more sense to risk the Assistant Captain's powers. But instead, he does it himself, and even after his bankai is stolen, he keeps insisting Renji stay back and learn from his fight (I do love the little aside in the manga where he tells Renji he's probably not smart enough to test the enemy and Renji grumbles but agrees w/ him, bc it felt so humanising and just… kinda brother-y for both of them). And even while horribly injured, he drags himself back to his feet when As Nodt starts attacking Renji. Now, it's probably also or the sake of the Soul Society itself. It makes sense, esp since they both have bankai, for one of them to stay back. But the fact that he has Renji do so, effectively sacrifices himself from the get-go, is so interesting to me.

And, of course, the very end of that fight clearly establishes how much Renji has come to mean to him. They could have just made him ask about Rukia, as so many of his appearances are primarily focused on her (sigh shonen), but instead, he apologises to both of them, and then the first thing he asks Ichigo is if they're both alive (non sequitur but if they hadn't been I thoroughly think Ichigo would have lied to him to spare him the knowledge, and also I'm a little lukewarm about Ichigo but I loved that moment).

It convinces me that while there was definitely logic/strategy in it, he was also trying to do his best to protect his Lieutenant, esp after shit truly hits the fan.

But to cycle back around to… What ever my point might have been, whether it's intentional or not, I think the fact that it's Renji and Byakuya used to tell us this story of the eternally loyal Assistant, that Byakuya clearly thinks very highly of Sasakibe's loyalty and duty. That it comes right at the start of that arc where the above happens. That Renji and Byakuya are… Aside from Shunsui and Nanao, I think the only Captain and Assistant pair that last the whole story? Oh, and Soi-Fon and her Assistant. And Hitsugaya and Rangiku! That they are one of four out of thirteen pairs that remain unchanged by the end.

I could go into a lot more (finding out the Captain you thought was kind and compassionate is a monster, while your emotionally challenged, expressionless jackass of a new Captain is a genuinely honourable and noble person), but that would get even more nonsensical. The short version is, I definitely think that whole philosophy, that image of the Assistant becoming the indispensable right hand that balances out the Captain, fills in for the things they lack or can't do for whatever reason, is really well displayed by these two, esp compared w/ some of the other dynamics we see (Momo and Izuru's blind devotion to their initial Captains, Yachiru being more moral support/after fight recovery, whatever the hell is the deal w/ Oomeda). Like Renji was his hot headed younger brother he was mentoring long before he and Rukia actually became a thing.

They're not the only ones, of course, Hitsugaya and Rangiku sync very well, so did Isane and Unohana. Kenpachi and Yachiru work, and Ikkaku stands a high chance of fulfilling the same role (albeit they should probably keep Yumichika on hand just in case). And tbh it didn't register w/ me the first time (I think partially bc I was a little overwhelmed by all the Things going on), but when someone else pointed it out… I'm like. Yeah. I think that means something.

[girlyblunts]

Caved and went to my doctor about trying a new medication and I am Zoloft gang now 😔 I don’t want to be on medication again but I’m getting very close to psychotic episodes, basically already had one when I overdosed on thc…. also had an ekg done in office, need to have a 24h heart monitor, and got a referral to a cardiologist to hopefully find out what kind of disautonomia is happening to me

[trans-xianxian]

does anybody have any advice on seeking a diagnosis for chronic fatigue or just like. a chronic illness in general? I don't know how to bring up something specific like that w my doctor without like... seeming like I'm trying to diagnose myself and being dismissed

[sharkneto]

man i knew it was going too smoothly

[just-rogi]

.

[hecksupremechips]

Feeling just every single kind of horrific now I’m literally living my nightmare and have no where to run anymore

[spacebell]

im feeling irritated and there’s so many reasons

[fingertipsmp3]

Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

[carrotpiss]

This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading