#I just want him to be fed like a cute baby bird

[flowers-in-your-basement]

perhaps a slightly out there idea, but I want Dean to feed Sam like a baby bird so bad, it's insane. Like the mother-brother-lover ness of it all and how he wants to take care of Sam and the cuteness of it all and how it's not cute at all. I want it so bad omg.

It's gotten to the point where I found one (1) fic that contains that and reread it more than I want to admit.

Guys it's BAD. it needs to happen oh my god

[brucewaynehater101]

Something I have seen in a few fics and is very near to my heart. Tim Drake Has Birds. Not just any birds, but a gaggle of Crows and Ravens and others. That's what everyone says. But what if he had *more*.

Sure it starts with him befriending 4 or 5 ravens/crows but both are smart kinds of birds and very social as well. They seek out others to play with after all. So if Tim was kind to them and fed them and even helped one of them heal after it got a broken wing (the others led Tim to their injured friend while screaming) then they would certainly spread news to other birds that Tim is safe and a friend. Plus, when any of those birds he befriended has kids? They will teach their babies that Tim is Kind and Trustworthy.

Eventually Tim's flock spreads from just being Crows and Ravens to adding pigeons and grackles and Sparrows and even a few blue Jay's and a couple owls! After all, if Tim starts befriending them about the time (or even before) he starts stalking the family by the Time he's Robin he's gunna have So Many Birds. Tim does his best to hide this from the other Bats because he thinks they will try to make him get rid of them like the one time his parents found him petting a Raven in the backyard.

Tim hides his birds from everyone the best he can and has taught some of them helpful tricks in the field that he can only use when alone. Only a handful can do them, but a handful is more than enough. Such commands are Follow That Person, Bring Me That, Poop On That Person, and other such things. Only three of them understand his favorite trick. Take This Match, Strike It, And Drop It On What I Point At. Sometimes he lights goons on fire, sometimes he lights dumpsters on fire. Either way, a perfect distraction for hoards of goons.

Many of them also have tiny harnesses that can't be seen through their feathers that have cameras on them. Sometimes Tim will have a bird follow a Rouge around for a while because really, who would notice of a specific bird is following them?

The three that are best trained and are totally not Tim's favorites, are the three he has in his civilian identity as well. He only debuted his "pets" are he took over as CEO of WE. On his right shoulder rides a *well* above average size Raven named Huggin and on his left is an equally massive Raven named Munnin. Yes, he did name them after Odin's two ravens from mythology. The last one does not come to work with him like Huggin and Munnin, but stays at home and is in fact part of Tim's Home Security. Guinevere the Agressive Swan. She will attack anyone and everyone that isn't Tim and the moment she spots a person who Shouldn't Be There, she is out for *blood*. The only people she tolerates are Brenard, Kon, Cassie, and Bart. Even Damian with his mastery of animals will get attacked by her.

That's such a cute AU! I want to add an that, because Tim is taking care of pigeons, their lifespan increases as well (idk much about other birds so maybe them too). Pigeons were originally domesticated animals. They live 1-2 years in the wild and up to 15 as a pet.

I would also love to see the ravens intimidate the hell out of other people at Tim's work. The birds are just staring intensely at someone Tim doesn't like as they try to get through a meeting. It's an effective tool for the CEO to get what he wants or needs from opponents (ravens are adorable, but huge. I'd be terrified if one just kept staring at me visibly prepared to attack).

[valentine-cafe]

Y'all know I can never have enough of Rishen 781. He's so cute and slutty and it makes me want to be mean to him <3 Why not slide a remote controlled vibe into them and take a walk around town? See how long Rishen can last under the pointed shifts in intensity before their legs are shaking and he has to bury his face into his partner's shoulder to hide how red he's getting. Of course his partner will only shove him over the edge when they have a good amount of privacy, don't want to damage that reputation, after all <3

˖⁺. ﹙ bttm preppy hybrid nerd bf x top gn reader. ﹚ .𖹭 ݁

. . . quiet, pretty boy !! 🍒 :  moth-spider-mantis hybrid ˖ hero ˖ preppy nerd character﹙verse 781 rishen. ﹚

 you just loovveee messing with your cute, slutty boyfriend out in public - he gives the best reactions! | cw: public sex ˖ use of vibrator

𖹭. ps : anon I love you and all your rishen 781 asks - please be mean to him <3

rishen dressed up so prettily today. you couldn’t help but want to be a little mean to him when you saw how dolled up he was. with his pretty checkered black and red skirt. the vibrant red turtleneck and black stockings with those scarlet heels you love so much. . .

of course you just had to slip tat vibrator into his cute little hole before you both went out on the town. he’s always so pretty bent over the bed while you have a hand up his skirt. fingering him to prep him up for the toy. the way he moans at you -

“b-baby - babbyyy - ah,”

you make sure to redo his makeup for him when he’s back up. what a messy boy he can be at times.

walking around time was fine and dandy. he tried his hardest to keep himself in check. it was easy with the low vibrations at first. it felt like a comfortable - but pleasurable buzz that simply made him a bit giddy.

perfect for a sunny, breezy day! the two of you went out shopping. when he roamed over to a isolated isle to check out the clothing rack - you sped the vibrator up as he leaned over.

it was quite the amusing sight. seeing him bent over the clothing rack and trying his utmost hardest not to moan out. his thighs squeezing together and his skirt hiking up so that you saw a nice view of his stocking-covered ass.

it took everything within your core not to keep him bent over like that. stroke him off amongst the clothes until he’s whining at you. he always gets so quiet out in public - it’s cute listening to the way his voice whines and quivers.

alas, you gave him a break when he looked at you with those big, pleading maroon eyes. the both of you found your items and left. the setting’s back to normal and while he looks flustered - he’s back to his calm state.

throughout the day you’d continue this little trend. when he ordered the both of you mini donuts. at the movie theatre you’d both planned on going to. the park where you fed some birds -

all so you could see his pretty eyes tear up and hear your name whispered out on his tongue.

you both decide to end the day off with his favourite milkshake parlour. it had been some time since you’d been cruel to him — so his guard was down.

perfect.

he was so happy next to you. drinking up his strawberry milkshake and rambling to you about the week and his newest schematics.

poor thing. you decided to let him finish his milkshake at least three quarters before your devious fingers turned the setting up. to the highest - most violent -

oh the way that he limped into you. how his eyes widened and he just so managed to bury his face into your shoulder to muffle his noises and hide his face.

he was bucking against nothing! so you decided to give him your hand between his thighs. he was so precious with the way he whined at you.

“p-please - amor - come on,” he whines. you feel his hard cock underneath his skirt. throbbing in his thin stockings.

“fuck baby. so hard? been walking around like that all day?”

you’d give him a few subtle strokes. just to see him squirm about and whimper that you can’t do it here - not in the booth!

so the bathroom is your final destination. pushing him into one of the stalls and shoving him to the wall. simply watching the way his knees shake and he whines like a slut. manicured, red nails scratching and clinging onto your shirt as the vibrator keeps its course.

you’ll shove one of his legs up. push it over your shoulder and press up against him. yank his stockings down and grab at the end of the vibrator. so that you can fuck it into his tight, quivering ass. hard. fast. all so he can whine and cry out against your hand that clamps over his mouth.

“ssshhh baby - you gonna start sobbin’ here in the bathroom? want them to hear you?”

“m-mnn! mhhm! hngh -”

he stains his pretty skirt full of his sticky cum. your hand from his mouth drops to palm at his cock. crooning at one of the pulsing veins and stroking your thumb around it before you slip the vibrator out.

your fingers go at it. pounding him knuckle’s deep until his eyes are rolling back. his make-up smudged as he cries. drools all over his red lipstick. bucks into you as best his can.

“p-please - pleasepleaseplease-p-por fav- angh baby - c-cummin’ ag-aggaaiin-”

you’ll shush his spluttered chokes with a wet kiss to his lip. alternate between fucking his twitching hole and stroking his trembling cock. even throwing the vibrator in so that you can see him all limp and dumb against the wall.

anything for your pretty boy. he just loves when you’re mean after all.

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Cawcaw cawcaw, Harpy anon is back. And I have thoughts.

I know I was the one who previously came up with Harpy Pomefiore, but I've been thinking and making Rook into an Aplca has caused me to go down a rabbit hole. I can't help but imagine him with his bangs all froofy and curly. And his stupid lil hat that has ear holes so he doesn't squish his pointy ears. He's no longer a predator animal, but honestly I think it fits more with the Rook we meet in the actual game than we as the Fandom perceive him. But it does mean less exciting nights without Owl Rook.

Also, Harpy Chicken Deuce. It needed to be said. He's just a dumb lil bird and he's adorable. Aside from that I came up with Fennec Fox Ace, Red Panda Cater, Brown Bear Trey, and Mouse Riddle. I don't know if any of these have been proposed to you already but I've been having brain rot about it for a while now.

Imagine Riddle trying to stop a fight between the screaming chicken and the scheming fox. The mousy boy has zero chance of getting anything done. It isn't until Trey wakes up from one of his naps to scold them.

Speaking of Trey, Imagine what winters like with brown bear Trey. Expect to be cuddled to death and back. And also be prepared to be hand fed a lot because to him you're just a sweet lil human who needs him to help feed you and keep you warm. No amount of convincing and can tell him otherwise.

Also Red Panda Cater is just so cute. Funfact, red pandas will put their arms up in the air when threatened to make themselves seem bigger than they actually are. Imagine jumpscaring him and the first thing he does is just put his hands up in the air like he's been caught with something.

Just thoughts I wanted to share!

💓💓💓

Even as a cute floof, no one is safe from Rook.

For real though, I love alpaca.

That's me meeting Rook.

And the babies look long and silly.

Riddle would make such a cute mousey mouse. I would want to feed him and give him smooches.

With the history between foxes and chickens, you just know Ace is gonna make jokes about eating Deuce. Dude needs to be careful though since angry roosters are no joke.

Trey would make such a good bear; I would love for his fur to match his hair so he's just a big old green bear. Catch him curled up for a nap and you might mistake him for a bush.

I would kill to see him do the back scratch dance they do.

He would give the absolute beast bear hugs and the naps/cuddles would be amazing. Oh, and getting to touch his big old paw claw hands. I bet he would love to compare the size of your hands to his.

Ah, and we know how bears are all about food, you will indeed be well-fed.

That thing about red pandas is so cute, he would probably have to deal with the others scaring him on purpose because of it, similar to why the other guys like to scare their human. The reactions are just so cute.

[ilyuan]

First time doing any request!! How do you think Diluc, Kaeya, Thoma, Childe, Ayato, and Itto (plus whoever else) would react to their partner owning a reptile? I’m gonna be getting a bearded dragon soon <3

🪷 a/n. THATS SO CUTE yesyesyes and good for u!!

— how they react when they see your pet reptile 🪽

🪷 warnings. mentions of alcohol on kaeya’s part, kaeya being a menace to diluc in diluc’s part, a lil self indulgent, lmk if i missed anything 🤍

DILUC.

- astonished. to say the least. his voice or face doesn’t prove it tho, but trust me he really loves it lol

- tbh, i think diluc would be the type to always want a pet reptile such as a bearded dragon because of their scales, yeah he seems like that type of person

- DEFINITELY tries to befriend it with his bird 😭😭

(it works btw)

- sometimes when he comes back to the winery, he sees your pet and his bird sitting together on a cushion near the windowsill and he texts you about it later on

- kaeya gets confused when he randomly sees your animal just unexpectedly sitting there on the table in the winery

- then diluc tells him it’s his significant other’s, which he is wide-eyed about and says “YOU CAN ACTUALLY PULL PEOPLE?” which you can hear from all the way upstairs 😕

- no diluc slander tho i love him, sorry got too carried away LOL

- but in conclusion, he would check up on your pet every day at a certain time period to see if it’s still sitting in the most random place ever

KAEYA.

- “not surprised that you have another thing to love you” is what he instantly says when he notices you cuddling aside your pet on the bed

- your face instantly flushes red 😭

- he adores you sm, he also makes sure to take care of your reptile with you

- sometimes he randomly comes up behind you and whispers into your ear saying stuff like “is your little pet well taken care of?”

- he cares a little too much because he’s jealous of diluc having a pet so he always wanted one too LOL

- he calls the both of you parents of your pet

- he’s one to randomly come into your room in the middle of the night, check if your pet is right next to you, and steal it from your arms while you’re sleeping

- when you wake up you’re so confused, but then you go downstairs to see him giving your pet his favorite alcohol drink as a joke, he wouldn’t actually do that ofc

THOMA.

- when i tell you he loves it, he LOVES it.

- trust, when he first saw it, his eyes were quite literally glittery.

- despite being a dog person because of his dog, he’s one to care for every type of pet

- he’s literally a househusband, do you really expect for him to not care about your baby too?

- LOL other than that, he’s really cute when it comes to taking care of his pets, and yours ofc.

- one time he almost melted because when your reptile tried to bite him, he did NOT see it as a threat at all. the real reason he found it so cute was because the little bite your pet tried to perform failed 😭😭

- he felt so bad when he noticed a little, almost unnoticeable pout on your pet’s face

- has definitely made a little hut for your pet before in your shared bedroom :(( it’s so cute

CHILDE.

- definitely treats it like his brother, teucer.

- no like, quite literally almost does the exact same things he does to teucer to your pet.

- it’s cute to watch tho

- one time, he was literally sitting down at the dinner table with your pet in his lap, leaning down a little to spoon feed it a little bit of food.

- exactly like he did with teucer, except they were right next to each other. he spoon fed teucer ALL the time, and now he’s doing it to your baby.

- that’s so cute to think about

- other than that, he’s quite childeish with it. (haha get it? childe-ish? ok that was embarrassing.. anyway..)

- ok but actually, he’s childish with it LMAO

- one time it scratched him, not even making a mark btw, and he came over to you with your reptile in his hand and yelled out

- “this b*tch scratched me!!”

- “lemme see”

- “it didn’t even make a mark, stop being dramatic.”

- he loves it very much tho :))

AYATO.

- “hm. fascinating.” his exact words when he first sees it.

- he acts like it isn’t that important, but one time when you came home from work, your reptile was resting in his luxury bed with your reptile’s required food, except it looked really expensive.

- you instantly assume it was ayato.

- you tell him and he’s like, “mhm?”

- “that’s normal, is it not?”

- he cares for it like he cares for ayaka, but you never catch him doing it

- except for the few times that he said he bought your pet its required food, except he had jars and jars of food in his hands.

- yeah, he cares a lot.

- he sometimes watches it squirm around in its habitat (that he built for it by the way, and despite not being an architect, his luxurious-self that he likes to brag about built it with some of the most finest materials) and listens to the soft sounds of whatever noises it makes.

ITTO.

- instantly tries to pair it up with his beetles.

- he LOVES to bring it to watch his little beetle fighting contests with him

- he records it ofc, then sends it to you while you’re at work, catching you completely off guard when you noticed your little pet right next to him watching the contest.

- has definitely placed it on top of his head and walked home with it constantly touching his horns

- he was giggling the entire time 😭 he’s such a man-baby it’s adorable

- definitely falls asleep with it in your shared bed with the tv playing your favorite song

- he thinks of you all the time when he’s hanging out with your baby :)

- every time you bring up the fact that he got scared when you introduced it to him, he says, “at least i took the fear like a boss!”

- but other than that, he quickly got used to it after you kept randomly jump scaring him with your pet behind his back.

- even one time, when he wasn’t used to it yet, it crawled/slithered up his back when he was asleep and he woke up and screamed for a second louder than the sound barrier which woke you up too 😭😭

@sugarmouchie do not copy/translate/repost on other platforms 🪽

[uchihaharlot]

MORE THIRST! ❤️‍🔥

I got the idea from a friend and I can't get it out of my head, maybe you have some headcanons for it or want to write something:

What if... you fed Shisui's own cum back to him after e.g. a blowjob? 😏

This is the sort of filth I am talking about. Seriously, am not computing how I came up with this trash.

Severely NSFW; bj; bird feeding cum; vaginal — all around hot shit I would absolutely do to Shisui in a heart beat and this man would thank me.

Let’s just say it’s a rather calm evening. You’ve already had your rounds for the day and as you lay with Shisui on the couch. You just can’t get this idea out of your head.

(And picture you more or less head on his abdomen and Shisui’s arms rubbing your back soothingly.) Nothing about this position indicates you want to fuck….yet. You both are very explorative with your desires. Binding, bondage, choking even. Possibly some other wild things that won’t be discussed right now.

You can’t stop thinking about this afternoon, in the kitchen. Shisui came home for ‘lunch’ and while he did eat lunch, eventually. He had dessert first. Which was you. You just looked so cute on your day off. Hair in a bun, house was immaculately clean. He just had to thank you by bending you over the table. And thinking over and over on this made you just wet all day. You were incapable of not making a damp spot on your panties. Fine, so be it. It was what he did after that had you reeling. See Shisui sometimes is too fast for his own good, and so to make things quick, he got off and filled you up like a cream puff. Took two fingers and gingerly stuffed it back in you while sucking your clit and putting you in overdrive with several climaxes before actually eating his lunch. There was a reason he stuffed his fingers to plug you, well two actually. One he just loved to see your weeping little cunt filled with his Uchiha serum, and two he didn’t want to mix the flavors so he made sure he was only able to taste you.

This would not do, and there were only two solutions.

He could either fuck you stupid again, and taste himself the proper way he should have today or you could suck him off righteously and essentially bird feed him his own essence. Either or worked but the mere conceptualization of dripping Shisui’s own cum into his mouth from yours won by a large margin. What would he even do? Should you ask? I mean he always kissed you and tasted of you. Polite and considerate you usually kissed his cheeks after taking him deep in your throat and digesting his creamy fluids. You’re such a good girl for him though. Only the best lip service for this man. Shisui can hardly ever be around you without being half cocked. So the moment you rub your cheek over his groin he’s already curled a hand at the nape of your neck. ‘I need a snack.’ You say, which if he wasn’t exceedingly hard at your subtle cheek rub, he definitely was now.

‘I have just the thing.’ His soft gaze looks down at you, oh he’s had a long day. Filing police work and all that. His eyes are probably tired from reading and memorizing mundane details.

So you gently position yourself between him and rub your hand over his aching cock. ‘Just close your eyes baby. I’ll take care of you.’

Hehehe yea, keep your eyes closed the whole time you thought.

You took him out of his sweats and ran kisses up his shaft. Shisui’s head rested against the armrest of the couch and his mouth parted slightly. He was tired so it took a little more effort on your end but that’s ok, anything for this beautiful man. Shisui was not in a hurry to cum which made you all the more wet. You were able to see him in his most vulnerable state. Completely relaxed but needy. His hand still controlled the depth he face fucked you. Slow and gentle, this was new? Shisui wasn’t necessarily a dog by any means but he must’ve been in a mood to really enjoy your soft warm mouth taking him in. Every now and then you’d swallow him a little deeper, tightening your cheeks each time. Hitches in his breath and a hiss here or there…. ‘Slow…go slow.’

He was really working himself up to it, definitely imagining that he was filling your sweet wet pussy with his thick diameter. Pumping you slowly from behind maybe? With a hand wrapped around your stomach. Or even just encumbering you with his whole weight and fucking you slow and deep, touching that spongey tissue in the back. Either way, he was a moaning mess of a man. And when you slobbered that backwash of spit that built up in your throat all over his pulsing cock. Only then did he touch the back of your throat. And from there he would be able to hear your small struggles for air. You’ve been conditioned well to take the entirety of his length right as he is about to cum. Which rises an issue for your ulterior motive.

If Shisui was deep fucking himself on your throat, his thick cum was definitely going down in one shot. Like the finest liquor or oyster. You couldn’t have that, no. You needed to make sure that there was enough on the ‘spoon’ of your tongue to kiss him with. So you reminded him, with soft words as you popped off his throbbing cock…’slow, remember?’ He nods hurriedly, of course! Of course, slow. He did ask for that. As you took him back in your mouth he reiterated words of praise to you, many a ‘good girl’ were said, ‘do you know how hot you look’ and your personal favorite was, ‘I love the look on your face when you can’t breath.’ Because yes, even though he was going slow he was drowning his cock in your mouth. Slow, deep thrusts to your throat and back. His hips shuddering a few times. This felt good, really good for Shisui. And your eyes watered a little bit when he held your face down to his pelvic area and wiggled himself deep enough to cause you to gag. ‘Such a good girl for me…fuck.’

When his cock stiffened for release, you took his hands out of your hair and laced them to his chest with yours. Hardly ever were you dominant, so the shift in power had Shisui full mouth grunting when you sucked and bobbed on just the tip. Holy shit this was so different. He could only watch as you took him deep a few more times before delicately taking a hand to tug on his bunching testicles right as he filled your mouth with his salty batter. You swallowed and left what was necessary on the tip of your tongue before crawling up to a chest heaving, wide eye and fucked out Shisui, who just had the soul sucked out of him, and depositing the smallest modicum of himself in a deep kiss. He groaned and raked a hand in your hair tightly and sucked on your tongue.

‘You’re filthy and I fucking love it.” He whispered before invading your mouth for more of the same.

This definitely didn’t hinder Shisui in the slightest, raging boner syndrome for this man. He flipped you on your stomach and sat on your legs pulling your shorts down just enough to stuff you full; nearly the whole weight of his body on you. Thrusts so fast and precise into that wet hole he calls home half the time. ‘Fuck…you’re so wet, did you like that? Hmm? Making me taste myself.’

Yea he is wired, definitely did not expect to be damn near bird fed his own cum on top of finding the whole ordeal arousing.

He overstimulates you, making you come several times over and for definite this time on his throbbing dick because he didn’t get to feel that this afternoon. Shisui came fast earlier and needed to make up for it. So each time you come and clench his cock, it brings him closer to the edge of a second release. He pins you by the neck, and listens to your pleas and cries of pleasure. His name and several curse words intermingle in a salacious symphony of sounds. Desperately chasing his climax, the timing was perfect. You let out a guttural moan and Shisui’s hips jutted enough to incessantly tap your cervix and drag over that sensitive bundle of nerves. You squeezed and fluttered around his stiffening cock as your orgasm milked him. The show in the background was overcast by the low but long grunts Shisui had made when he bent down to your neck out of sheer desperation to finish with you.

‘…fuck (y/n). That…that was hot.’ He breathed heavy. Easing on the full weight of his body over you, he adjusted your house shorts back up and kisses your ass before bringing you to his chest and holding on to you while you both catch your breath and process the hottest sex of the week.

[mostlyinthemorning]

Okay tumblr, do you want to hear the story of the time I had a live badger under the front seat of my car?

A few of you have heard this story before, but I feel like you might be okay hearing it again.

So.

Mumblety years ago, my first real job after university was working at a wildlife rescue centre. Basically, people would find injured and orphaned wild animals and they’d call us up and we’d nurse them back to health or raise them until they were grown enough to go back to the wild. Most of the time the patients were birds (robins, so many robins) and small mammals, like squirrels, but occasionally we got a more unusual animal.

One day, this baby badger comes in, he's really small, probably about 6 weeks old. 

Super cute, kind of like this:

x

At six weeks old he’s still nursing so we bottle fed him for a few weeks and then eventually, when he started eating solid food like mice, we put him out into an outdoor enclosure. By the end of the summer, he's catching and eating his own food and he's growls super ferociously whenever anyone comes up to the cage.

Ah-ha, we think, we have rehabbed him successfully. He's ready to be released!

The wildlife center isn’t really located in badger habitat, but I was planning to travel to visit my parents, about four hours south, and they lived in the country and had lots of gophers for him to eat. Thus, a plan was born. I would visit my parents, I would take the badger with me, he would be happily released into the wild, and my friend and I would go camping, just to round out the weekend. 

So, my friend (who also works at the wildlife centre) and I happily load our things and our badger into the back of my very small Toyota Tercel. (You see where this is going, I hope.)

My car was like this, but blue.

X

You might notice that this is not a very large car. And you’d be right. 

Badger safely stowed in the back seat, we head south. I think it’s important to mention that the badger is in a plywood crate with a sliding wood door that goes up and down as this will be relevant later on.

Now, it’s a blazingly hot day, probably 35C/95F and my little car doesn't have air conditioning. It is hot. Even with the windows down. And the badger is annoyed. We can tell he’s annoyed by the loud and angry growls coming from the back seat. 

Our plan is to stop about 1.5 hours into the trip to visit a bank and a grocery store. The badger doesn’t care about this plan. He’s still very annoyed.

We pull up to the bank, parking in the shade so the badger won't be toasty in the sun, and we go inside. This is before the days of paying with everything with debit cards so we needed cash. We come back out pretty quickly and open the door of the car and immediately there's a problem. The badger is still growling, but now the growls are coming from under the front seat of my car.

We slam the door closed and try to decide what to do. Because we’re going camping, we aren't really prepared for anything other than opening up the door of the crate and watching the badger run away. We don't have any gloves, or a towel, or even so much as a business card saying that we are allowed to have a live badger in our car. As we're standing there, trying to figure out what to do about our predicament, people keep coming up to us to ask if we've locked our keys in the car. (If only!)

I crack open the door of the car a few times, and the badger growls at me every time. Clearly, he lives under the front seat of the car now. We have to do something. It’s still hot, and now we’re behind schedule and we still have 2.5 hours left to drive. 

A guy in a big oilfield truck pulls into the parking spot beside us. Figuring we don’t have a choice, we accost him as he gets out of his truck and ask if he has any gloves we can borrow. He admits that he does, but, of course, he wants to know why.

We explain.

He absolutely refuses to get involved but he agrees to lend us his gloves. Apparently he doesn’t have any reservations about watching two 20-something young women wrestle a live badger as long as he doesn’t have to do it himself. Gloves secured, we open the door of the car.

The growling gets louder.

It's still coming from under the seat.

Now, I don't know if you've ever tried to stick your hand under the front seat of a Toyota Tercel in order to retrieve a live badger. But there's not much room. 

The other thing you should probably know about badgers is that the scruff of their neck is extremely loose so that they can twist around if a predator grabs them. 

All of this is to say that wrestling a badger out from under the seat of your car is vaguely similar to trying to fish an angry, squirmy cat out from underneath your bed, if the cat had 2 inch claws and the ability to completely rotate in its own skin. In a public parking lot. While trying not to attract a crowd of onlookers. 

Finally, after much swearing, we manage to shove the badger out from under the seat, I grab it and slam it back into its crate. 

Whew, we think. At least we fixed that problem. But everything is okay now. Back to the plan!

It takes about five seconds for us to discover that the badger released himself by sticking his claws under the sliding door and lifting it up.

At this point, you probably won’t be surprised to learn that long with our lack of gloves, we also don't have any tools that we might use to fix the door of the crate. But somehow we manage to wedge the door of the crate shut. 

Whew, we think. At least we fixed that problem. But everything is okay now. Back to the plan!

You might be sensing a theme, and you’d be right. With the hindsight of some years since then, we probably should have turned around. Oh, to be 23 again.

It's still 35 degrees.

The badger is still angry.

We still have 2.5 hours worth of driving ahead of us.

We head out on the highway and the trip gains the soundtrack that I can still hear to this day.

Growl, growl, scratch, scratch.

Growl, growl, scratch, scratch.

Growl, growl, scratch, scratch.

We turn up the music. The badger growls louder.

I’m already doing ten over the speed limit. I drive a bit faster. Did I mention that the car doesn’t have air conditioning?

Growl, growl, scratch, scratch.

Thunk. Scratch, scratch. Thunk.

Our gerry-rigged closure on the crate has failed and the badger is sticking his claws beneath the door and lifting up the door. It’s only going to be seconds before a hot angry badger is loose in the car. We’re fifteen minutes from my parents’ house. 

I pull onto the shoulder of the highway and my friend scrambles into the backseat. Putting all of her weight on the sliding door, she holds it down as the badger scratches furiously. I pull back onto the highway, now I’m going twenty over the limit. 

Fifteen long, hot, and exhausting minutes later, we arrive at my parents’ house. I swear the badger's growls can be heard in Ottawa. Gasping a hello to my mom and dad, we lug the heavy crate with the heavy badger out into the field, wanting to release it as quickly as possible.

The growling gets louder. The crate might be the heaviest thing I’ve carried in my life. Staggering through the field, we finally decide we're far enough away from the house. We lift the door of the crate. The badger dashes for freedom—which is to say that it runs ten feet away and turns to look at us. 

Whew, we think. At least we made it here. But everything is okay now. We did it!

Heaving a sigh of relief, we gather up the crate and turn to go back the way we came. 

The badger follows us.

We walk faster.

The badger chases after us, practically at our heels.

We jump across the creek.

The badger launches itself into the water, swimming after us. 

We stop. The badger comes and sits at our feet like the world’s shortest, widest dog. We look at it. It stares back at us. Maybe the badger just needs a moment to consider its life of freedom. We wait. The badger wanders away. We pick up the crate for a second time and try to walk away. The badger is having none of it. It gallops after us. I pick up the wet badger and tuck it under my arm. This is the happiest it's been all day. Clearly, we are not releasing this badger into the wild.

Now, friends, we have a dilemma. We’re four hours from home, it’s getting late, and whatever we decide to from this point forward is going to involve a slightly damp, half-grown badger made of growls.

Our plan, if you can call it that at this point, was to release the badger and then go camping in a nearby national park. This now seems like a bad idea. But we're four hours from home and we have to do something. 

So. 

We decide to take the badger camping. In a moment of prudence, we forgo the national park and choose a nearby provincial park instead. 

We drive to the park. The badger rides on my friend’s lap. There’s no growling.

We set up our campsite. Thankfully, the campground is nearly empty. While we’re setting up the tent, the badger explores the campsite, amusing himself by digging a few holes and making sure to keep us in sight. It was like having a very short, very growly dog who likes to dig.

I’m sure it won’t surprise you in the least if I say that it’s at this point that we realize we’ve forgotten the matches for the stove. 

The nearest town is twenty minutes away. The badger will have to go back in the crate for the journey. The badger is not a fan of this idea. But we get him back into the crate—something that’s a lot easier now that we know he’s not trying to eat us—and we head for town, accompanied by the now-familiar symphony of growling. 

Now, it's been a bit of a day. So I think I should be forgiven for accidentally going over the speed limit on the way out of the campsite. This is, of course, when I get pulled over. Remember, we don't have a single piece of official wildlife-related ID between us, not even so much as a business card. This was before cell phones so we can’t even phone the wildlife center to vouch for us. We're both convinced that this is it, that we're probably going to jail for wildlife smuggling. And the badger is never getting out of that crate. In the backseat, the badger is growling louder than ever. 

The officer comes up to the car window.

The badger growls.

We hold our breath.

The badger growls even louder. 

The officer proceeds to absolutely ream me out for going twenty over the limit. The badger growls at every word. The officer doesn't even acknowledge the badger. I apologize profusely. I promise to never ever do it again. The officer gives me a warning. The badger growls. I drive away very, very slowly.

The next day we drive home and I can't even remember the details of the trip, I think I've blocked it out, but I’m pretty sure we let the badger had free-run of the car. When we got back to the wildlife center, we learned that badgers don't leave their moms until they're a bit older. We put him back in his cage, and about four months later, he digs his way out. And every now and then for about a year after that, people would come to the wildlife centre and say that an overly-friendly badger had come up to them on our nature trail. 

And this is why I always make sure to carry gloves in my car.

THE END

[cornerofhell]

I did a post about my Slasher OCs pets here: https://www.tumblr.com/cornerofhell/757496215047929856/idk-why-i-randomly-got-curious-about-this-do-any?source=share and mentioned I'd do a seperate post for my ray kids! Here we are!!!!

Charles Lee Ray Jr: CJ has several different pets of different varieties. For one, he shares pets with his partners! Bethy's pittie, Jethro, and Fiery's bearded dragon, Elmo. He loves both pets very much and makes sure to take care of both. The pets that would be closest to his own are also Bethy's farm animals, specifically the pigs, all from a litter of piglets. They have five, and he honestly adores them, and named them all. Dorian, Rocko, Lenore, Alice, and Shaggy. All named after different medias he loves, all with their own personalities and he loves every one. He's not even afraid to get dirty with them, and they're very loyal to him, Bethy, and Fiery.

Bonny Elizabeth Ray: Bonny has one pet and that is a longhair black cat named Jubilee, who she often accessorizes in cute little kitty goth collars and costumes, when she's comfortable ofc.

Kandice Elizabeth Ray: Kandy has a bird! A male blue and golden macaw who you often will see on her shoulder, who she named Buddy, because he is indeed her buddy and she loves him so much. She often talks to him and teaches him new words, and buys him new toys.

Beatrice Marie Ray: Betty has only one pet (though she's thinking of getting more) and that's a beautiful Betta fish who she named Georgia. Georgia has a HUGE tank and Betty makes sure her girl has everything she needs to be happy and play.

(Gonna use my versions of Glen and Glenda)

Glen Hades Ray: Glen has several pets! They have three rats, Josuke, Poppy, and Wybie. They are all beloved and spoiled, and have TONS of space where they can play and have all the fun they want. She also has two female river otters named Lagoona and Abbey who they also spoil rotten with tons of water space and fish, and of course, love.

Glenda Eileen Ray: Glenda has more different animals... Like an alligator, named Gummy, though unlike who he's named after, this Gummy has many many rows of teeth. Glenda adores their baby and makes sure he has all the swamp he needs. She also has a chiweenie named Bruno who you will often see in her purse, also very spoiled and adored and often put in adorable little outfits and fed filet mignon.

Anthony James Ray: Tony has a pet turtle name Smaug! He loves just chilling on Tony's chest while he's reading or swimming around and doing tricks. Tony loves him a lot.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

I just read your poly stsg x reader post and. Oh my lord. PLEASEEEEE I love them more than anything and I just need to scream and yell about them until my throat is hoarse and sore and I physically cannot talk anymore I’m so serious

the way I feel like in a poly relationship they both absolutely love spoiling and caring for u, but in different ways. Hear me out:

Suguru shows his love by pretty much just taking on the responsibility of a caregiver, because he just falls into that role so easily. He’s the type to cook the foods he KNOWS you love the most for you, to wash your hair for you while you bathe in the luxury bathroom that’s dimly lit with your favourite scented candles and the tub that’s filled with bubbles and any extras you ask for, to brush and play with your hair while you do your night time skincare routine, to offer you a massage at the slightest sign of stress (his hands would be perfect for giving a massage I will fight anyone who disagrees) to always bring back your fav snacks and drinks if he sees them when he’s in public, to take on your own household chores if he notices you’re having a rough and/or unproductive day… <333 he’s so wife….

And then of course best boy satoru who loves like he might actually have a heart attack if he has to go one second without showing his utmost adoration for you (he’s a drama queen). but I love the fact we’ve all agreed he’s like a puppy- because in my head HE IS !! he acts like a lovesick puppy, on your tail 24/7. He’s the type of boyfriend (or husband ykwim….) who when you’re hanging out together and you get up to go to the bathroom, would follow you out of instinct because he’s just so used to being a clingy little bastard. and don’t even get me STARTED on the spoiling- I know you’ve mentioned it in a previous fic and I can’t help but agree so hard. but it’s not like he just gives you money and leaves you to your own devices, i get the feeling he’d want to be involved if you decide to go on a shopping spree. He’s the type to be totally fine with carrying all the shopping bags (I mean have u SEEN those muscles….), and just pay so much attention to you that it’s almost (almost) overwhelming. Paying full attention to which stores and items catch your eye, which clothes you pick out, etc etc

Omfg this was…. Longer than I intended it to be 💀You’ve made me love them too much. You’ve corrupted me with the idea of them and how amazing they’d be as bfs (husbands.) and I am completely content with that fact. 🙌🙌

THE WAY MY ANONS ARE LITERALLY HANDFEEDING ME ATP THANK U THANK U i feel like a little baby bird being fed worms. reading this healed me UR SOOOOO RIGHT ANON <333

where do i even BEGIN this was so cute and lovely and U GET IT U DO!!!! sugu is soooo wife and toru is so husband <3333 they love taking care of you so much!!!! 100% the type of bfs/husbands to die on the hill that making you happy is their job, their duty, theyre both sooo serious abt it.

i genuinely think doting on u is a stress relief for sugu LMAO like he can only relax if you’re wolfing down your favorite food and humming happily, or putty beneath his heavy hands as they massage your scalp….. he’s such a caregiver it’s insane. i can’t see him any other way. ABSOLUTELY the type to massage u all the time have u SEEN his hands…. u get him anon. he’s just so eager to care for u all the time. ESP through cooking i just feel like that’s such a comfortable way for him to show his love!! he will always always always joke abt how that’s his secret ingredient even if u and toru roll ur eyes <33

(this is just a sidethought of mine but tbh i dont picture sugu having a great relationship w his parents — i do however think he has a lot of love for his mother even if its complicated… i imagine him remembering the soup she used to make him when he was sick and making it for u and toru too </3 it makes him feel warm. and so lucky to have a home and family with you two, one that makes him feel safe.)

honestly i think sugu is so eager to be ur caretaker that u just kinda have to trick him into letting u dote on him for once 😭😭 mind games and everything. he just feels more comfortable giving than receiving in any situation. but as soon as ur hands are massaging his shoulders hes out like a light <333 soft lil snores <3333 and he’ll pamper u even more to make up for it when he wakes up!!!

AND TORUUUUU MY DEAREST MY LITTLE PUPPYDOG MY GIRLFRIEND i love him. ur so right!! i think his love seeps out allllll the time and it’s very direct, warm hugs and kisses and gifts <33 but i absolutely agree that hes not the type to just give u money and call it a day — he loves spoiling you and to him that entails taking you wherever you want to go, doing whatever you want to do, buying you whatever makes you happy <333 if u want to go shopping he gets sooooo excited i just KNOW it. carries ur bags and gushes over ur outfits and makes u give him a whole fashion show in whatever boutique hes taken u to hhhhh hes a sweetiepie..

ALSOOO he 100% buys himself outfits to match urs. AND he’ll get one for sugu too. he’s the type to buy u friendship bracelets LOL hes so cute!! if he buys one of u smth then in his mind he HAS to buy the other + himself smth too just for the sake of matching. if you ask him to go get u a vanilla milkshake he’ll return w one for u, a strawberry milkshake for himself and a chocolate milkshake for sugu bc look!! we’re matching <333 HES SO CUTEEE 🥺🥺 (also for some reason i just know hes the one who proposes. sugu has a whole elaborate proposal planned out and already bought the rings but satoru beats him to it and he wants to be angry but he can’t. he’s too happy. and ofc satoru makes sure that ur rings have matching motifs <33 star/sun/moon or something of the sort he is a sappp)

ANYWAY anon this made my whole day i am EATING everything u wrote licking the crumbs off my fingers <3333 i love domestic poly stsg like i love nothing in this universe theyre just the best husbands in the world i think

[kitkatnerds3]

BSD S5 EP 9

I have not finished the episode yet but I've just gotten to the Fukufuku backstory (specifically the part where they just met and its night and they're lying on the floor together) and, these two are fucking dark timeline Renga from sk8! 'The way of the sword is enjoyable!' and 'I'm going to master the sword alongside you' vs 'skating is fun!' and 'I want to skate with you infinitely' I swear Fukuchi even did the same hand movement that Reki did at some point. Energetic sunshine (at least at the moment) x calm and collected. I am getting such strong Renga vibes from that scene and it's driving me insane.

OK I JUST WATCHED TWO (2) SECONDS FURTHER AND NOW WE'RE IN A FUCKING SHOJO ANIME! BONES LOVES OLD MAN YAOI SO MUCH! THIS IS SO GAY! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!? A CHERRY BLOSSOM PETAL IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART JUST FELL INTO FUKUZAWAS SAKE(?) AND THEN BROKE INTO TWO. THEY'RE NOT EVEN BEING SUBTLE WITH THE 'THIS (ROMANTIC) RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT TO GO O SHIT' -NESS

DONT DO SYMBOLISM WITH THE FUCKING BIRDS YOU DUMB SHOW! I SEE WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING DOING! For context, they were having a conversation but the focus was on these two egrets? herons? anyways, and then one of them just flew off when Fukuchi said that he was gonna be promoted and sent to the battlefield , which is what separated these two. I'm going to die, I'm not entirely sure why but I am. /pos

Fuck it, I'm committing to the live blog. enjoy seeing my live uncut reactions folks!

The animation is so pretty bro, bones adores their old man yaoi.

Ok, old man yaoi backstory is over , and before I move on to the next thing I just wanna say, young Fukuzawa was so fucking cute! He was an old man even when he was a baby! he was adorable! and honestly so was Fukuchi! I'm very sad that he became the way he is now, war really does stuff to people, huh?

Ok I'm a little bit confused, I didn't realize that he had told that United Nations guy the half-truth. But whatever, that's on me I guess.

OK! JESUS FUCK THE MORE I HERE ABOUT THE WAR THE WORSE IT GETS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SOLDIERS HAD TO EAT EACHOTHER AND WERE SHOT FOR TRYING TO DESERT! MAYBE I SHOUD HAVE EXPECTED THAT IT IS WAR BUT JESUS CHRIST!

God, Fukufuku are so gay. I know that stabbing someone isn't exactly romantic but he Fukuzawa did the thing where you grab onto the other persons clothes and after Fukuchi stabbed him his head ended up resting on his chest. This is PEAK romantic tradgedy.

Teruko, I love you. She looks so pretty and she is so hecking smart and I just adore her. She let Atsushi go! Woohoo!! Also, Atsushi's hallucinations are really coming in full force, huh? He is seeing so many people.

Dazai and Sigma are so silly, I love them, Dazai stop flirting for two fucking seconds challenge. Also, it's fun to hear that Dazai is screwing around with Sigma while thinking of Kunikida! Truly every ship is being fed this season! Except sskk, but we did get Aku in Atsushi's hallucinations doing a thing so that's kinda a win for the gays!

Wow! What a nice elevator! I'm sure nothing bad will happen here!

Oh catgirl, you left us too soon.

I must say, I don't really have much to say on the Meursault section. It was good! The animation was great as it usually is for the Meursault sections, Sigma was so pretty I love him and! Dazai did the thing where he played with Sigma's hair! Woo! Fyodor was his usual level of kinda ugly in anime form, Dazai is showing emotions! more of the sillies, Dazai fucking stood on Sigma, which is delightful, aaaaaaand it's started to flood! Fuck!

Anyways, back to the very start of this episode before I was overcome by the homosexual-ness of Fukufuku, Aya Bram Kunikida and Tanizaki got yoinked! Fuck! I still have a theory that Tanizaki could be doing an illusion and I will make a post about it one day. And also, please excuse me for saying this because while I am still upset about Ranpo being hurt... watching Fukuchi pick him up by the scruff of his neck like a cat was kinda hilarious. Also, Teruko I love you. You're the only hunting dog that heard about Fukuchi's real identity and didn't immediately die. Girlboss fr. Also also, where are Lucy Kyouka and Yosano :D? W-where did they go? Asagiri please I need to see my girls.

And to once again revisit the old gays, Holy Shit that was so gay. Nobody told me that the Fukufuku backstory was a Sports Anime tm that turned into a war drama in the second season! I knew we said they were divorced but I never realized just how married they were before the separation! Wow! Fukuzawa smiled so softly at Fukuchi! They were such sweet kids! Aagh!

This was a good episode! I liked this! Excited for next Wungo Wednesday!

[alfiely-art]

FINISHED ACT 3!!! Technically finished last night but I'm scheduling this for the morning

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Notes I wrote while reading:

“I hope your father keeps you well fed” OH THATS WHY THERE WAS ALL THOSE BAKED GOODS OHHHH

Anyway. How thr fuck did Nanna know this. Did she hoo hoo in life as she does in death

OMG JADE

Is that an onion on ur shirt farmstink

Squeal like a piglet and fertilize some plants

OMG SHE DID IT I LOVE U JADE

Huh. Her room is. Just her friends interests. And their parents interests. Other than the furry I know that's all her. I know

Guns!!! Yayaya!!!!!! Doesn't Jake like guns too

Oh girl. Yoare so otherkin

She's really otherkin my goodness

PROBLEM SL- oh. Sooth

HEY THAT CUE BALL IS PART OF DOC SCRATCH AINT IT. THATS THE THING. THE TH HAL EQUIUS GAMZEE CALIBORN STUFF.

I do wonder what the magic 8 ball is for. If Jade has a bad feeling about it

Slur count: 4

Huh. Okay she has like… VR??

Slur count: 5 but I think Dave can reclaim this one

DAVE FURSONA YOOOO

What are you talking about tho

Omg they're fucking killing the felts…

Dave oh my god you're losing so bad. But yay bro!!! Yay cal!!! I'm so sorry Dave

john you're getting your ass whooped

Oh hello… Is ur name Sentry. Are you buddies with Vagabond

Oh. He's got mummies in his house

What is that thing

Who thr fuck is this. Who is CG

I'm assuming a troll ??? But whomst…

Slur count: 6

THE CAT

oooo what're you up to sentry…

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF I FELT SO BAD FOR DAVE AND THEN THE. I WARNED YOU BRO!!!!

HOLY SHIT JOHN IS GOING CRAZY

Aww yay he's having fun I think

Woah that place sure is purple!!!!

FUCK YEAH GET THEM DAD

???? Who is this clown watching them

Oh your name Isn't sentry. Hi peregrine medication!!!

Autocorrect that's not their name

PM I love you. I love mail

Yo wait PM you know Jade??? What

WHAT THE

IT EXPLODED

Omg rose horse… I know there's a animation of her with the horses. Like the arquiussprite one.

The fuck is in the teapot

AWWWWWWW THATS SO CUTE

Is that a picture of Jade in godtier. They Know….

HELP she napping

Oh. he's dead. Girl…

PM IS ALIVE!!!!!

Awwww baby rose….

Meow

Da fuck

Dad is… boring…? Lies

Jack's fourth wall : ( it was stolen…

IS THIS BETTY CROCKER!!!!

Put the hat on Jack. Put it on

Womp womp

FRUIT GUSHERS YAAAAAA

Awwww he looks so cute in the suit

THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH

Boy you're so extra

BAHAHAHAH HE JIST WANTED TO DETCH THE BULLET… WHY ARE YOU DANCING W YOUR DEAD GUY…

Oop she napping

OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET ROSE OUT OF THERE

ROBOT?!?!?!?!

Dreambot…

So wait did she already Godtier…

Her room is lesbjan colors I think

Slur count: 7

Twelve… there's twelve Trolls I'm pretty sure

Gamzee Equius Nepeta Karkat Vriska Aradia. Uhh. Tavros. Eridan. Sollux. Uhh… the fish girl… uhhh….

Hi Vodka Mutini

How does John feel about Dave's bro kicking his ass btw. Very casual way of saying it

Oh John : (

VAGABOND IS BACK FUCK YEAH

Gasp… the blue box…

REALSTIC GUN!!! Hi renagade… like the dance

So John's the guy who likes clowns… not his dad…

His dad is so sweet though. he just wants to take care of his son. What has john repressed

OH PROSPIT IVE HEARD THAT!!!

This place sure is yellow

Omg WV has company :3

WV AND PM SHALL MEET!!!!

Take the shot /ref

JOHN!!!! He is also yellow !!!!

Ohhhh he's looking swaggy… Teal is a good color for him

Slur count: 8

WRINKLEFUCKER

NOOOOO DAVE… LIL CAL… THE KATANA… POOR BABY….

Giving him a forehead smooch

OH MY GODD THE JADE SILHOUETTE…

I like this like. “Fuck you timeline let's jump around” type of way thr story is being

Poor Cal….

GA… who are you

“Spread your wings” LIKE WHEN HE BECOMES A BIRD

Hi Dave I love you. I have no idea who you flirted with but you did such a good job you're such a good troll

YAYAY RENAGADE

Yo that box has Jade's dead relative on there…

PM is a girl?? the more u know

BAHAH AR'S A JUDGE… they're making a whole town… mayor, mail carrier, and judge…

INCONCEIVABLE

Butterfly : D

BABY JADE!!!

WHOP

HEY WAIT JACK DONT KILL HIM!!! I LOVE JOHN'S DAD!!!!

Oh my god I love them

That was a cool animation!!!! I have no idea what was going on. But hey I know that song…. Sburbian Jungle…

That sure is a fucked up planet WHAT HOW IS THAT THE END OF ACT 3

Okay so. Does this mean I'm. Halfway done with homestuck. This feels so short. Are the other acts longer

[endlessgoldensky]

Three Little Words

Disclaimer: This is a fic I wrote a while ago for an anonymous request but it is a favorite of mine so I'm reposting it tonight.

“Come on Dally, I’m cold.” 

Johnny pat the bed beside him as he looked up at Dally with puppy eyes. Dally, in his infamous blue boxers, leaned against the dresser staring at Johnny. 

“I don’t cuddle.” 

Johnny rolled his eyes and turned away from Dallas.

“Whatever you say. Goodnight.” 

He reached up and turned off the light before settling into the sheets. Johnny was fully asleep before Dally gave into his wants. He carefully climbed into the bed, his back touching Johnny’s. He pulled the covers over his shoulders and buried his head into the pillow. On the other side of the bed soft pink lips curled into a smile. 

~

At three in the morning the whimpering could be heard coming from the left side of the bed. It was quiet, almost like the source didn’t want anyone to hear it. The dog must want to go out he thought, before remembering that the dog was downstairs. Soon he realized the sound was emitting from the body next to him. He rubbed his eyes and rolled over to face Johnny. He draped an arm over his waist and pulled him close. 

“Shh,” He whispered into the brunet’s ear. “You’re safe.” 

~

The alarm rang again, telling the world it was time to be alive, to live. Only the two bodies closest didn’t listen to its words. The blonde reached over the mass in front of him and hit the button that told it to shut up. He buried his head into the brunet’s neck and groaned. 

“I thought you didn’t do cuddling,” A soft voice said. 

“Hush up,” A muffled voice replied. 

The soft voice laughed and placed his hand on the taller’s right hand. 

“I need to get up.” 

“No.” 

“Dal.”

“No.” 

Johnny laughed again and brought Dally’s hand up to his lips. He placed a soft kiss to it and smiled. 

“Ten minutes.” 

They settled back into each other as the sun rose higher. It was a peaceful morning for the both of them. The birds chirped outside as they fed their babies. Dogs could be heard barking to be let out and cars ran away from the small neighborhood looking for a better life. 

Soon the ten minutes had passed and once again the blonde refused to let go. He wrapped his arm around the small waist that laid next to him tighter. 

“Dal,” The waist spoke quietly into the blonde’s hair. “Let me go.” 

Once again the blonde refused. 

Johnny sighed, “Alright this is your fault.” 

He ran his fingers intentionally over the blonde’s stomach. Soon enough laughter rose from the bed and the blonde rolled over onto his back. Johnny climbed on top and continued to tickle him. 

Dally swatted at his hands, “Johnny! Okay, okay!” 

Eventually Johnny stopped and peered at the man below him. He had a soft smile on his lips. 

“What?” Dally asked as he ran his hands through his hair. 

“You’re just so cute.”

Dally’s face turned a slight shade of pink. He wrapped his arms around the small mass on top of him and pulled him down. He kissed his head softly and rubbed his back. 

“Dal?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I think I love you.” 

Dally’s heart sped up at the words he always wanted to hear from him and although he didn’t say anything back, Johnny knew he loved him too. 

Posted on Dec 15 11:42 pm

[thiccpersonality]

Baby Bird Protection Squad, Go!

It's been a grueling day with Batman...to be honest, the League don't even know why the man is so snippy today. The Flash (Wally West) says it's because his eldest child got turned into a child again, so his mama bear instincts are going wild at anyone perceived as a threat. Wonder Woman herself agreed with Wally's statement to an extent, she thinks it's just nerves at seeing his eldest so young again and not because he's fearful...at least she hopes not.

Anyway, it's been a very tiring day with the Bat. Especially since he's been demanding everyone train extra hard now that his child is a literal child, when Hal tried asking why they needed to, he got THE GLARE™ sent his way.

Now Batman has most-if not all-of the Justice League on a private training field, the Bat standing above them on top of a building like a creep watchful god of some sort (The Flash: "probably a god of death.) Batman's eyes narrow disapprovingly at some of the younger Leaguers falling to their knees with a loud groan, Wally being one of them, the ginger avoiding eye contact with Batman despite feeling THE GLARE™ being singed into the back of his head. "Flash..."

Wally groans whines loudly at the disappointment dripping in Bruce's tone, the only thing managing to keep him upright is the infectiously happy giggles coming from Richard.

"What!? You have had me running for who knows how many hours now? My metabolism is quick, I need food and water." Wally freezes when looking up at the Bat, a chill running down his spine at the man's lips pulling further into a frown at his comment. "I saw you sneaking in snacks while training. You are plenty fed and hydrated, don't think I don't know when you quickly zip off to get more food or water." Curse the man for always knowing-wait, a distraction...maybe if Wally finds a distraction then things might work out in his favor. Flash scans the different group of heroes and makes a loud noise at noticing Clark and Diana not really participating.

The young man points at the older two frantically, "Look! Look at them, Batman! Those two aren't training! Why aren't you getting on their backs for it? They are just watching us fail miserably."

Batman stares down at his two friends for a brief moment, glare still on his face and frown on his lips despite the small child climbing on top of him like a jungle gym. "How mature of you-" he responds in a deadpan tone-"Pinning blame on not just one, but two, of your senior heroes. All because you don't want to take accountability for your laziness."

The Flash stutters, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water at being called lazy. He isn't lazy! Who even trains this much anyway? Before Wally can defend himself, Richard peeks over Batman's leg to look down at him, his small gloved hand tugging at Bruce's cape. "What's wrong with him? Isn't he a superhero? Why is he so tired? Isn't he a professional? Who ever heard of a lazy hero? Why does he eat so much? I'm hungry, B...can I have some food?" Wally blinks in bafflement under his mask, his own mind trying to process what the child just said. For a moment, the young hero is almost afraid Bruce is going to turn his frustration onto the adorable little boy, but he is pleasantly surprised and shocked to see THE Batman smile slightly before looking down at Richard.

The man reaches into one of his belt compartments to pull out a packet of Cheez-Its and Goldfish, holding the snacks out to the small boy as if it's an offering to pacify a deity.

"Which one, Chum?" Richard blinks up at the snacks, his eyebrows pinching together in thought while his cute little nose scrunches up. "How 'bout both? Pleeeease?" At this point, most of the League has stopped their training to watch the wholesome scene, some heroes trying to hold back their squeals and others not believing the scene playing out before them.

Batman sighs and is about to explain to Robin about how he can't have both, but the wide eyed stare the boy is giving him breaks down any refusal he was going to give. With a fond sigh, Bruce opens up the two bags before handing them over to Richard and patting his fluffy head lovingly. "Make sure to chew your food, okay? It's not going anywhere." Batman reaches to pick up his megaphone again, the man staying in a squat this time around, someone in the crowd of heroes loudly cooing at Robin situating himself in-between Bruce's legs to poke his head out of the hole his arm and leg create. All while happily munching away on his snacks as Bruce turns to glare harshly at the League again, the megaphone screeching loudly as he yells.

"Get back to training! I'm not paying you to laze around and play nice with each other! As long as my son is this small, he WILL be getting the best protection from all of you!" Batman sends one last scolding glare Wally's way, "And I mean ALL of you!"

The Flash groans and takes his position, his eyebrows pinching together in intense thought before he confusedly asks Hal-

"We get paid?"

(This is what popped into my head seeing this photo. I know Batman isn't holding a megaphone in the picture 😂, but he looks like he's screaming angrily at someone. If anyone stops by to read this silly thought that popped into my head, you are much appreciated!

Please remember to stay safe, happy, healthy and of course lovely as always. 💛)

lil dickie got bored on a stakeout :/

[mikochiichan]

hi! is it possible for you to do headcanons + a short writing on how characters like, albedo, diluc, childe, and zhongli (any others you want too) would react with their kids? like an overall father headcanons? 🥺 i was thinking about it since you did a whole thing about breeding, like what’s the actual aftermath to it stuff and how they would react ! -🏹

HAHAIHSD YES I FEEL LIKE A REAL TUMBLR AUTHOR IVE GOTTEN 2 REQUESTS NOW I FEEL SO HAPPY AHISHAUDA

let's get into it ;)

p.s. i'm inexperienced with children, i'm an only child ;(

i mightve written childe instead of child a couple times

-----

general father hcs

mentions of pregnancy, fem bodied reader :(

gender neutral baby

-----

albedo

well well well, he didn't quite expect this to say the least

he thought he was infertile, but look at where you are now..

he's quite standoffish at first, he doesn't like how loud the baby is

he might just leave you alone for the first few weeks since he doesn't like the constant wailing and screaming

after he's sure that the baby is a lot more under control he will step up and help you out with changing diapers and keeping it well fed

he does quite enjoy watching the two of you bond

he definitely teaches the child simple alchemy, he was proud the first time they made a wooden bird :>

diluc

highly worried he will end up like his father please reassure him

he will most likely take his work at home so he can stay around you and the baby

the maids are a big help since you're both first time parents

diluc might need earplugs... your baby is quite a loud one

one time your baby made the smallest little noise and diluc rushed into the nursery... it was a yawn 💀

he enjoys watching you and the baby playing around in the grape vines, and chasing crystal flies

he hopes the baby doesn't grow up to be an alcoholic

childe

FAMILY MAN

if this is your first kid, be prepared for maybe 4-6 more ;)

he NEEDS a big family, he wants to be the coolest father

teucer is excited to be an uncle, anthon and tonia included

this dude's buying the most luxury baby products.. don't be surprised if the crib is made from solid gold or marble

he has a baby monitor on max volume in your shared room, not even the baby can have peace when it shifts in bed

instant protection mode, has his bow strapped to his back and two swords in his hand

he's a bit worried about the child's homelife since yk,, fatui buisiness

BUUUUT he trusts you know what to do when things go downhill

overall enjoys having something else to focus on other than work :))

zhongli

surprised .

that's all

not actually

he adores the thought of having his own, and now that he has had a child with you, he feels his mortal life is complete.

the adeptus take special care of you when babysitting for zhongli

ganyu and xiao have no experience, lucky cloud retainer is there to save the day.

ganyu just rocks you back and forth while xiao watches and cloud retainer prepares the child's food

the child definetly gets to play with ganyu's hair and put grass and random clips in it... it's cute but messy

zhongli likes to pick up your child and just spin it around

scaramouche

how the fuck did you convince him to raise a child

he doesn't like the constant screaming and whining and drool everywhere

he's gonna leave you and a couple fatui maids alone until you can get that thing under control

he's going to be very strict and controlling

love, the baby can't even speak yet, you expect it to be able to do 100 pushups ? 2 laps around a lake?

he might just be raising your child as a battle weapon let's be honest

[the-slasher-madame]

Slashers and Geese

Can y’all tell I have no creativity when it comes to picking a title lol?? Anyways, I like geese. A lot. A whole very lot, and my brain was like “hey what would slashers do with this information?” Especially if y’all are on a walk and you point out geese and that you love them

Picks up the goose to hand it to you

Bubba Sawyer- I don’t really write for him, but I think he’d pick the goose up and cradle it to show you. I just think he’s really gentle with animals, especially ones that are your favorite. He would be kinda sad when you told him you can’t feed them bread because he’d remember all the times he fed them bread. He would be determined to do better and feed them the best of seed. His brothers will throw things at the geese (to be annoying) and he would glare at them. They do not do it again. Would cry if they acted aggressive towards him

Jason Voorhees- another one I don’t really write for, and another one that I think would just pick up the goose. However, I think he’d pick it up somewhat gently by the neck and present it to you like a gift. He would be proud of himself. He’ll learn how to properly hold one, and the geese around the camp would surprisingly learn to love him. They follow him around and are a-ok with him picking them up. He loves feeding the geese with you!!!! They’re his babies

Michael Myers- he hands it to you to be a little bitch. He is no Dr. Doolittle and he knows you probably aren’t trained to handle nature’s version of mafia enforcers. He firmly grips it by the neck and holds it too close to you for comfort, while its honking and flapping its wings and generally being unhappy about the current situation. You would beg Michael to put it back where he found it, and he just drops it. Just like plop and its back on the ground. It gives him a glare and walks away (not even nature’s mafia enforcers won’t bother him). Michael is proud of being an asshole. He will not let you feed them, he is rather protective and refuses to let you even possibly get bit. 

That was the main portion of my car thoughts, but here’s some more:

Bo Sinclair- he doesn’t understand and thinks its kinda weird. Like darlin’ its a bird?? Its not even that pretty?? Its a feathered nightmare?? (I feel like he would be reminded of Lester, and of the time Lester brought a goose home. . . Bo doesn’t like to talk about that incident). He will not like when you feed the geese, his foot starts itching in remembrance of that damned goose and what it did to him... Will watch from a distance while you feed them, and will breath easier when you stop feeding them and start to head inside. He swears they hate him for some reason

Vincent Sinclair- he thinks its adorable cause like “awww you like birds?? You like them cause you relate that’s too cute-” He’ll make you goose themed art, and help teach you to draw birds if you want. If, when the planets align, he takes a walk and finds a feather, he gives it to you. Is also reminded of Lester, and also remembers the goose incident (and begs you to never bring it up in front of Bo). Would be on high alert if you fed any, he knows second-hand they’re temperamental, and would just pick you up and carry you away if any of the geese look like they want to bite you

Thomas Hewitt- I think he’d be like Vincent in that he would bring you feathers and convince Hoyt not to kill any geese that wander onto the Hewitt farm. He would absolutely let you feed them, and wonder about raising geese (if that’s a thing?). He also thinks it’s so cute that you like geese. Will feed them with you, but probably just end up watching you (he really loves you ok-)

Brahms Heelshire- He’s terrified of geese and also somewhat angry that they exist. He doesn’t leave the manor much, and will flat out avoid windows if there are geese nearby. At the same time, if you found a nice goose (unlikely) and it didn’t try to bite/kill him, he would love them. He really does like animals, just not the aggressive ones... It goes without saying he will not feed them with you very often, but you can coax him to be comfortable enough around windows when a flock flies nearby

Pyramid Head- I think he just flat-out doesn’t know what a goose is. You try to explain it, he’s utterly confused, and you try to find a book with a goose in it. It proves harder than expected. You find a picture, and he still isn’t quite sure what it is but is like “cool, its a living animal.” I feel like Silent Hill wouldn’t have many, if any geese, but he would feed them if there were some. Would probably hold out his hand and let them bite him

Otis Driftwood- he would be a mix between Brahms and Bo. He’s terrified of them but won’t admit it, but if one tries to bite him he will screech and kill it immediately. You would yell at him and he would be like “I definitely just killed it for fun, was not scared, 0/10.” He is lying through his nasty ass teeth. You are on your own if you feed them, he wants nothing to do with them, ever. 

Pinhead- Like Pyramid Head. He vaguely remembers what they look like, but he doesn’t really care one way or the other. Angry water bird is angry water bird. However, if one bit him he’d do some hell priest magic and kill it, and would almost feel bad when you cry...almost (but he’ll try not to kill them anymore). 

Billy Lenz- my god he loves geese almost as much as you do. He relates to them, too, being as twitchy as most birds. He would tear up if they acted aggressive to him, but I feel like he’s one they either love like Jason or hate like Bo. He loves them no matter what, and he can’t really explain why (similarly to you). He will chase after them like a child, running through the flock and scattering them. He’ll collect feathers too. Will throw the seed at them

Billy and Stu- typical teenage boys, will throw harmless shit at them and giggle as the geese chase them. They’ll be nicer if you get on to them, and will give you any feathers they find. Stu will get you so much goose themed shit while Billy just laughs and says you brought this on yourself (but will appreciate the matching stuffed geese Stu got all y’all). Stu will throw the seed at the geese and end up getting chased by them, Billy will feed them and might even get to pet one (will strangle it if it hisses at him). Stu has become immune to goose bites. 

The end!! I really like geese lol, I just think they’re neat. I really just like all birds if we’re being honest, they’re kinda twitchy and I understand that. I have only fed them once, but I get very excited when I see them. I almost beat a boy I don’t like anyways when I saw him messing with some geese. . .

Enjoy my attempts!! My brain does not work in a linear fashion and I think it shows

[casketcat-archived]

xamassed​:

She teased, but Mammon wondered if she knew how much of a knight in shining armor she really was in his eyes. Brave, determined, strong and resolute — she came to his aid more often than he would have liked to admit, but he didn’t dislike it. She saved him, from his negative thoughts, from his brothers, from heavy days in general.

Her soul was as bright as any polished armor, and he adored her because of it.

“Y—Ya can’t just go sayin’ stuff like that! I dunno what’s after bein’ flustered, but I’m that!” He willed himself not to grow redder in the cheeks, but she made fighting off embarrassment and glee difficult. He was happy, and it was because of her. Mammon didn’t want to hide it, but this amount of happiness was almost stifling. He was warm, and his head felt like it was filled to every corner with cotton.

“I ain’t adorable!” His argument was feeble. Not-so-secretly, he wanted those kisses. He wanted to fumble into bed with her and spoil her rotten with the affection that welled up inside him, but she was right. They needed to wait. Biscuit first, then love.

“Duchess and some’a my other birds are makin’ a nest for ‘em right now. We’ll have to get that from outside later, but we can at least get ‘em fed. There’s a box where all’a my clothes are. Looks like a shoebox, but it’s got seeds and stuff in it. There’s a little bowl too for water.”

“You do not get to say you’re not adorable with that face! Absolutely kissable— and good! Be embarrassed cause you know I love you so fuckin’ much. I would be very happy knowing I’m the reason you get all flustered and cute,” hand once again confidently placed over her chest, a boastful grin across her face, and Kiwa looked like the most smug woman in existence. She loved Mammon’s face when he was embarrassed— in the good way, yknow. She’d never want to make him embarrassed in a way that felt bad.

Mammon was just too special to her. Every moment spent with him just felt like the happiest she’d ever been— especially when she got to have fun like this. He was true to the nickname she’d given him— bright and warm like the sun. His cheeks were also pretty warm at this point, she assumed. Kiwa may have needed to give him a break now…

The trip back to his room to get supplies would be that break! Lucky him! Kiwa nodded along, keeping a mental note of how he described the box. She didn’t want to poke around anywhere he didn’t explicitly let her! Even if she was curious sometimes. “I’ll get that box! No worries! I also have good water saved in here already for the ferrets so that’ll help!” Kiwa smiled, giving Mammon a thumbs up as she turned to leave the room and go get the rest of the supplies needed.

Luckily, she was also correct in her assumption that her carrying random boxes around was a lot less interesting. She didn’t even have to sneak around on the way back, which definitely helped with getting back to her room with the proper box sooner rather than later. “Got it~! Food for the baby!”