#I just think it’s so funny how astarion shit talks Gale so much but is like mmmm yummy wizard man who eats boots

[loviatarsluv-old]

astarion: Gale looks like his blood tastes rich like wine

astarion after actually tasting gale’s blood: YOU TASTE LIKE BILE WHAT THE HELLS IS WRONG WITH YOU???

[hijackalx]

Question for Astarion, Gale, and Gortash (might be considered a headcanon ask maybe?) How would they react to seeing their sweetheart in the Wavemother's Robes?

LETS DO THIS BABEYYYY !!!!!!

GN!reader

NSFW BELOW

let’s set the scene. i’m imagining like……. a ball or a party or something 💃💃🪩

GORTASH

this man has no shame like he does not give a SHIT who is watching he will want to fuck right then and there. honestly loves showing you off so you wearing something revealing/flattering is a plus to him. ALTHOUGH he is SO obnoxious with his PDA and will be touching you all over. mostly to make everyone else jealous 🤭 you’re his arm candy for sure

he loves how the robe accentuates your shape. also the little back window omg DON’T let this man see back dimples he turns into a wild animal. he catches glimpses of your back whenever he can and always rests his hand in that spot when you’re standing together. definitely thinks about fucking you from behind while you’re wearing it

you will eventually disappear together because he couldn’t wait any longer (he has two seconds of patience). will probably fuck you over a table in a secluded room or something, throwing the back of the dress up or to the side so he can easily slip inside you. while you’re fucking he’ll tell you how everyone thinks you’re a whore or a slut for wearing something like that (endearingly)

ASTARION

SO much obvious staring. i feel like he’ll glance at your body when he knows you’ll see just to get you flustered. will also make comments like “darling, did you dress up for me?” and give soooooo much praise on how you look. LITERALLY never-ending praise. and it also progressively gets hornier LMAO you WILL feel like he wants to eat you up

OBSESSED with how it exposes your chest/stomach. and the little peeks of collarbone too UGH GOD THE COLLARBONES !!!!!!! gets turned on thinking about covering the area in hickeys/bite marks so that the next time you wear it everyone knows you’re his

he’s pretty patient with it and waits until the night is over to finally fuck you. he mostly just thinks it’s funny to get you wound up throughout the night with his dirty talk and then make you wait LMAO asshole. but anyway, when he lays you down he’s definitely going to be “scolding” YOU for teasing HIM all night 😭😭😭

GALE

MY SWEET BOY IS LITERALLY A FLUSTERED STUTTERING MESSSSS !!!!! his cheeks turn red and everything. anybody remember his reaction to you wearing haarlep’s clothes? it’s basically like that LMAO like he can’t look at you at all without thinking about all the things he wants to do to you— but that’s not very gentlemanly of him so he’s a little embarrassed by it 😹😹

he’s particularly interested in your exposed hips……… or more so how he can tell you’re not wearing underwear. he fantasizes about wrapping his arms around you from behind and slipping a hand underneath the robe to get you off with his hand/fingers

if you tease him at all or flaunt your figure because you know he’s watching his restraint will SHATTER. even if you’re in the middle of talking to someone he’s taking you by the hand to lead you somewhere private. sooo much dirty talk like he will tell you EVERY SINGLE THING he’s thought about doing to you. IN DETAIL

[thedomesticanthropologist]

What do you think the companions would ask for if Tav owed them a favor?

Oh this is fun! Let's assume it's in camp during their journey. Tav owes a companion a favor! What do they ask for? (This kind of evolved past a favor in a few idk if it counts but I tried)

Assuming no romance, relatively high approvals.

Shadowheart: Very practical, considers your favour repaid when you've performed all of her chores for her. Every day. For a week. She delivers her terms with a sweet smile, and carefully picks over your work to ensure it's up to standard. She may also plop herself down right beside you and watch you work while she lounges. Maybe makes a show of doing her nails or humming.

Wyll: "A favor? You repay me each day just by fighting at my side, friend." Takes a while to convince him you owe him anything, honestly, you'd have to work on it. If you really push it, he tells you you have to create a hero name for yourself and a catchphrase, which must be yelled out in the next battle. The Blade is always at the ready with a heroic word, and you shall be as well! He is chuckling as he suggests it, and if you look horrified, he drops the subject and claps you affectionately across the shoulder. He doesn't hold you to it. ALTERNATE ALTERNATE makes you wash his socks. They're stinky. He grins shyly about it.

Laezel: You have to spar with her. She's allowed to wake you up at any time, or jump you when you least expect it. You must always be ready and on alert. However, she knows this has humor potential, so she spends days sometimes just suddenly moving quickly in your direction only to abort the motion or do something innocuous instead. You jump out of your skin every time, fumbling what you're holding or tripping to try to get into a fighting stance. Her eyes twinkle. It's hilarious. One night she absolutely beats the shit out of you, sorry. Favor repaid.

Gale: Could go one of two ways. One: he demands first pick of the best magical loot, or, undisturbed and no-timelimit access to the next library/book room you encounter. No complaining allowed. Or! He's so excited to have a partner to play lanceboard with. If you don't know how, he teaches you. You must try to beat him as best you can. He absolutely destroys you and makes a big show about it, peacocking around. Then challenges you again. Gives you solid advice on how to do better next time.

Karlach: If she can touch again, she asks for shoulder rubs. Then arm, neck, back, feet, hands. You rub until you cramp up. Then she asks you to brush her hair. She's grinning like a loon and happy as a clam. If she can't touch, she considers the favor repaid when you pull a funny prank on someone else in camp. Whether it fails or not doesn't matter, she just wants to witness it so she can have a good laugh.

Halsin: "There is nothing you could owe me that would take a dent out of the debt I owe you, my friend." Refuses outright that you could ever owe him anything. Won't budge. Absolutely stubbornly will not.

Astarion: comes up with multiple suggestions, if you complete one, claims he was just talking out loud and that wasn't it OR that was just the first part, it's a multi-part favor you see, so really it will be paid back when.... and so on and so forth. Sees how much he can get away with. Alternatively: starts out with a REALLY extravagant ask and has to be whittled down to something you consider fair, whinges that he is doing YOU a favor by being gracious enough to accept the... favor... you just did him.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

DAI x BG3 matchups I need to see. I’m not good at writing crossovers nor am I clever at all. This is very much non-exhaustive and very much not the end point of these characters’ potential interactions with each other.

Karlach + Sera + Iron Bull

The absolute chaos. The absolute CHAOS. A powerhouse. Putting aside Karlach’s demon heritage aside, she and Iron Bull tossing back tankards and swapping war stories as vets that have been dealt shitty hands but continue to chug along despite it. Karlach and Sera connecting over growing up mainly on the streets and having soft spots for little ragamuffins. Plus they all talk about women’s tits a lot. I feel Sera would find Karlach sexy and funny.

Wyll + Cole

Like Solas and Varric, Wyll would take to Cole because he recognizes Cole’s desire to help others, even if his methods are a bit unorthodox. He would recognize Cole’s soul as gentle and kind, and his efforts to atone for the murders he committed in the Tower as proof of his humanity. He will join the Uncle-Dad Duo and complete the Uncle-Dad Trio. Cole would gravitate toward Wyll’s goodness in turn, and probably tell Wyll that him making a contract wasn’t foolish because in the end he saved a city, and if that was his desire, then he committed no sin in doing so.

Solas + Astarion

The messiest shit can only occur, and my messy bitch self wants to see it. Watch as Solas’s upright and stiff demeanor utterly bores Astarion. Watch as Astarion’s selfishness, penchant for violence, and casual disregard for the well-being of others utterly pisses Solas the fuck off. Watch as Astarion yawns or interrupts Solas’s lectures with a “yes, yes, we get it” or the most dramatic eyeroll and overwrought “ugh”. Watch as Solas and Astarion immediately sniff each other out as liars and schemers from first jump and hold each other at a distance, the tension spiking at random moments early in them knowing each other where the other prods at their falsehoods. Watch as Astarion is dumbfounded by Solas expressing his condolences to Astarion upon learning of Astarion’s enslavement to his master, because how could a man who holds such reproach for him still manage to feel pity? ‘It is not pity, but compassion, which you are at liberty to reject. That is your right as a free man, just as it is my right to feel it.’

In the best case scenario, Astarion calms down eventually, teasing Solas but still treating him like that friend of a friend that you grudgingly admit is useful. I think a part of Astarion would find Solas’s penchant dislike of him funny.

Vivienne + Astarion + Dorian

We are all doomed. The haughtiness will be scarcely contained. Dorian and Astarion are definitely flirting. Fucking? Not sure. But definitely flirting and enjoying killing bad guys, playfully arguing over wine, snickering over Solas’s shabby dress.

Shadowheart + Leliana

Tools forged to serve a religious order? Check. Crisis of faith? Check. Subterfuge preferred? Check.

Lae’zel + Cassandra

Soldiers recognizing soldiers. 🫡 ‘Why are the men around me so annoying.’

Minsc & Boo + Cole

Cole might be able to understand Boo! If not his speech, then his little hamster feelings. Minsc might be wary of Cole for the information that he manages to glean from Minsc’s head, but his unquestioned understanding of Boo would probably smooth that bump in the road, right?

Solas + Gale

A friend remarked that Gale would remind Solas too much of himself (prideful, ambitious) and thus they would not get along. There is that. I think that Gale would get a small smile out of Solas every now and then with his quips, because Solas himself is clearly a fan of banter; Gale would provide more of the energy in the same way Dorian does with his and Solas’s more civil banters. Gale and Solas also both hold a great measure of respect and adoration for magic as a force, an element, a piece of entirety that is beautiful for its own existence. Not simply just what magic can do for them as wielders of magic, but what it is and how it does so much to enhance a person’s understanding and interaction with the world, as precious as sight or sound.

Minthara + Iron Bull

Oh she will have him cowed in a goddamn minute. Oh man. Oh no. ‘Yes ma’am’, ‘no ma’am’.

Minthara + Cassandra

Oh this would be so interesting. Disciplined, serious bulwarks with little time for silly little men—Minthara would share Cassandra’s frustration and lack of amusement with Varric, though Cassandra would consider her suggestions to maim him.

Solas + Halsin + Iron Bull

I see potential here. Iron Bull and Solas already have a dynamic of Iron Bull’s “I have a pretty good idea of who you are, and it’s a liar” toward Solas, while Solas grudgingly respects Iron Bull’s strength and mental acumen in the same way you would respect a very intelligent bear—do not draw attention more than necessary, but stand tall lest it smell fear. Halsin feels like a softer Iron Bull, a mediation between the two. Like Iron Bull, his stature and build belies a thoughtful and sharp mind. Like Solas, he sees everything as connected, feeding into the other as part of a system, and would too feel a sense of loss at magic and mundane being so dramatically split as it is in Thedas—an aberration against what is natural. Also like Iron Bull, he’s frank with his sexuality. I’m certain the two would swap stories over booze. The trio would be arguably the three most mature and experienced in a room in any given situation. Not only that, but Halsin is far more actively in touch with his heart and honest with his feelings than Solas or Iron Bull. The latter two very much care about their loved ones, but with Solas it is under the surface and with Iron Bull it’s mixed up in cultural trappings of romance not being a “thing” in his culture, and thus both struggle with their feelings. Halsin however is very much in touch. There is next to nothing obstructing what his head and heart wants. He listens to his heart and he follows it. Solas and Iron Bull could learn a thing or two from him, tbh

Also I feel like Iron Bull, Halsin, and even Solas have a bit of a brat tamer streak in them so there’s that

Also Astarion would outright reject the notion of drinking Cullen’s blood cuz it smells like battery acid.

[tilthedayidice]

Hey welcome back to my BG3 Hot Takes

While I have your attention, here's a cool site to help Palestine, all you gotta do is click it daily.

This session was inspired by @lipsie, gettin me ttalkin way too much. Yes I am aware that the tadpole changes things, and they have to make it balanced for the game blah blah blah- let a bitch complain.

Screenshots sourced from the Baldur's Gate 3 Wiki

Gale is the only character I feel is spec'd correctly, He's smart but fiuckin stupid, he has autism rizz, mam could not lift any box you asked him to, the only reason his constitution is 13 is because he's been dealing with the Orb and he's used to it by now.

Karlach should start with 20 strength and you CANNOT convince me otherwise, her charisma should be higher also, she's a ball of sunshine and could put the fear of god into anyone, and the line "Gods I wanna ride you til you see stars" will never leave my brain. Give this bitch a 15. She do be a little dumb I'll give you that.

Shadowheart is just funny to me, How can her wisdom be a 17 when she's been cloistered away for so long? Her wisdom is only a 17 in ONE SPECIFIC SUBJECT, a subject where she's forced to give up her memories. Memories are where we get our wisdom. Wisdom is gained through lived experiences, I'd give you the 17 for endgame Shart, but not start of game Shart. I'll take the 8 CHA cause she's a bitch (said with love, me too babe) but she knows enough to get what and where she wants so I think we should nudge it up to like 10.

Lae'zel.... I think it's unfair to put Lae'zel's intelligence at 10. Her wisdom being low, yeah i get that she's been cloistered away in a society that believes its the only way, it's all she knows. But intelligence? No. She might know much about Faeruns culture and people, but she knows EVERYTHING about the stars. And there's far more of that than there will ever be of Faerun. She's the funniest person we know, give her 9 CHA.

Wyll my beloved, do you airbrush those abs on? Do you wake up every morning and contour them? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DO!!!!!!!!! SO WHO'S THE ASS WHO DECIDED YOUR STRENGHT WAS A FUCKIN 8??????? THE BLADE OF FRONTIERS SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST A 13. He deserve a 15 but I know they won't give it to him. Lipsie and I were talking about him and they're right, WHEN WE DUMP THE BITCH HE SHOULD RESPEC INTO BARD.

Astarion..... oh Astarion.... you're such a disaster. Such a wet cat of a man. Such a pathetic little mew mew. I shit on him a lot, but I do really love his character and development lol. LESS STR MAKE HIM WEAK, he has been starved and living off rats and shame, he can have his measly 8 AFTER he drinks... uh "Thinking" Blood. His CHA being 10 is perfect actually no notes. I personally think his actual INT should be lower, not too much lower, maybe 11/12, I knooooow he was a magistrate, but you can't tell me he's not giving himbo... no what was that word on the meme graph? Himbim? Himbim.

Halsin.......... 10 STR? 10?!?!?!?! You built him LIKE THAT and give him 10 STR?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? What in the nine hells...... Weaker than Karlach of course, but 10????? Give that man 15 at least 8 INT???????????? 8???????? LARIAN WHY DO YOU HATE HIM???? Is it because he isn't Gale? Mans has been studying the mindflayers on his own, he's been studying the shadow curse... on his own. HE'S A MASTER HEALER?!?!?! AN ARCHDRUID?!?!?!?!?!?!? That takes time, study, and dedication. You wanna assign him himbo so bad. He's just a whole well rounded man with autism,. (Not a dig on himbos, quite literally my favorite genre of Man). This is just 'cause he fucks isn't it.

Minthara she's so much smarter than Larian gives her credit for. While I agree with the WIS, that's more a product of being so closed off, Her INT is much higher. I'd give her a 14? She cunning, just because it's used for Evil deeds doesn't mean she hasn't been she hasn't put a lot of thought into her work. She lived in Menzoberranzan for Gods' sake. She had to be smart or be killed?!? She's said so on multiple occasions! Just because she's Evil aligned doesn't mean she not smart. (She's just as smart as our average Bear according to Larian)

Minsc...... First off let me say that I love that they chose this image. A Bad Bitch. Anyways, anyone who doesn't find that dumb happy face charming is either lying or literally has a stick up their ass.... 12 CHA. Also why is he so weak? I know he isn't like actually weak... but mans chunked that mimic? Let him have 14.

Jaheira I'll give you the 10 STR, she's complained about her knees like three times in my most recent session. 8 INT? So what I'm getting here.... is anyone not an origin character is just baseline 8? Lazy. Especially considering she was ALREADY GIVEN STATS IN TWO PREVIOUS GAMES. In both BG1 and BG2 she has an intelligence of 10, and if anything she's only gotten smarter over time. I wasn't gonna do this... but left is 1 right is 2.

15, 14, 17, 10, 14, 15, and 15, 17, 17, 10, 14, 15

Make it make sense. I know she's old at this point, but in my game she killed Sarevok again so idk man.

Rip me apart in the notes ;)

But do it nicely...

[bloodycyrano]

Old slang words I had to learn in middleschool that I feel are certainly in Team Tadpoles vernacular.

Arfarfanarf- A drunk. Used to describe someone who's had a few too many- I feel like Gale used it once or someone read it in one of his books, and they immediately started making fun of it because it just sounded like a funny word. But then they started using it so often as a joke that it just became part of regular speech among team tadpole.

Gigglemug- Used to describe someone with an infectious smile.- Usually in reference to Karlach.

Pine overcoat- A coffin.- Primarily used by Durge and Astarion. Need I explain?

Strumpet- a whore or prostitute.- I feel like Astarion got into an argument with someone and called them an ignorant strumpet. We all know he would call someone way worse if it came down to it.

Church bell- Referring to someone who talks so much that their voice reminds you of the incessant jangling of church bells. Maybe in the baldurs gate universe, it would be Temple bell.- Some NPCs just talk too much, and you know it.

Gal-sneaker- In reference to a man who tries to seduce every person he sees.- I feel like this was used when gossiping about act 1 Astarion.

Mutton-shunter- Slang for police officers in the Victorian Era, similar to how "Pig" is used today.- I feel like anyone who's had to sneak around Baldurs Gate at night doing illegal shit would get used to hearing this/using this in reference to the iron fists.

Coffee sisters- Used in reference to a group of gossiping women.- Astarion and Shadowheart gossip, you can't tell me otherwise. This has 100% been used in reference to them and possibly even to try and get them to shut up.

Dizzy age- A term meaning Elderly, or in reference to really old people.- Astarion. Grumpy, cantankerous old man Astarion. I feel like people would tease him and make comments about him being in his Dizzy age; much to his own frustrations. His voice would probably get a bit high, and he'd likely get extremely defensive. "Uh-! *Dizzy age?* I'm a *Vampire.* Eternally young. One of the first things that *should* come to mind when you think of vampires, darling." He may be a little pissier if it came from Jaheira, resident old lady.

[dumbstupidfandomblog]

Man. I just can't help but imagine Critical Role x Baldur's Gate 3 drabbles or a fic or something of that some sort. Idk, I just think it'd be really funny and also a chance for some really cute scenes. Especially with the Mighty Nein.

Now obviously there'd probably be SO much mistrust between the two groups, but just imagine if you will(possibly very minor spoilers under the cut):

Caleb and Gale(and maybe Essek) talking about wizard stuff and cats.

Jester introducing everyone to Artagan. I think Astarion would either like him or fucking hate him.

Karlach, Yasha, and Beau just working out together. Buff lesbians

Fjord and Wyll bonding over shitty patrons. If it's post Ukatoa then Fjord giving Wyll some hope about his situation. I just think it'd be sweet.

Caduceus and Halsin. That's it. I think they'd talk for literally HOURS, just drinking tea and talking about random shit and their respective circles 'n such. ALSO, I'm just imagining them sort of gossiping about and spilling their respective party's secrets to eachother. They'd be silly lol

Jester overhearing the whole convo with Astarion and Tav(if there's a tav in this??) about him not being able to see his reflection and immediately getting to work drawing a portrait of him. As soon as she shows and gives it to him, he's his usual sorta sassy self about it but he absolutely cherishes it.

Also I feel like Astarion would see different bits of his own past in some of the Mighty Nein, specifically Caleb and Yasha, and it'd piss him the FUCK off.

Jester and/or Molly reading the groups fortunes just for fun, the Oracle of the Moon Deck has some cards that would make the groups fortunes REALLY INTERESTING. Maybe Molly also pulls out some of the old circus tricks for fun.

On the topic of Molly, I think Lae'zel would have this very confusing respect for Molly? She'd find them really foolish at first and not think much of them, but I think she'd then see them actually in combat and be impressed with their skills.

I feel like Nott/Veth would just start mothering some of the bg3 party. Like not heavily, but a bit similar to how she does with Caleb. I could def see her pairing up with Astarion to steal some shit. Maybe King joins in if he's there.

Jester giving some of the group tattoos. Not everyone would get them obviously but I could definitely see Karlach and I suppose Tav going for it.

Nein Sided Tower shenanigans. That's all.

[marcynomercy]

Tav accidentally turns back into a child.

I had this completely random idea and why not write it down? Thanks @spacebarbarianweird for encouraging me.

Pairing: Astaion x f!Tav(named.)

Warnings: I wrote this with my Tav Calamity in mind so there are nods to her past here.

It is not known how this happened only that it was an explosion with something, with magic and then… They saw a little girl in the place where Calamity was or rather with her clothes now too big for such a small child.

“Shit…” The vampire muttered in disbelief with his hand over his face seeing the disaster he caused.

You see, it was their habit to go ahead of the group to explore and steal everything they could, it was a little game for both of them. However, who could have imagined that inside this locked trunk there was something like this?

“This is your fault!” The little girl accused him, pointing at him with her tiny hand.

Everyone was holding back their laughter, forgive them after all this is a scene as funny as it is adorable. It was a bit strange for them to arrive at the camp with a child wrapped in some fabric they found and simply hand it into Gale's hands, the wizard was obviously confused, but he would recognize the eyes of the notorious leader of that group even in this adorable form.

“By the gods… What happened?” Astarion explained the incident in her place, not that she wasn't capable of it… It was just that it was impossible for the wizard to listen to the explanation coming from that little creature without laughing.

Let's face it, hearing a cute child talk like an adult was bizarre to say the least and since this child was Calamity, obviously this would be more than funny in the eyes of her companions… Poor girl, she wants to bury herself somewhere in this moment of so much shame . Interestingly, Astarion was the only one not to laugh at her… Yet. It was frustrating to hear that she would have to stay like this for a while, in Gale's words it was like some kind of very bizarre side effect of being caught in an arcane trap, so she would be back to normal in a few days. DAYS!

There was nothing to be done but wait so her companions were very thoughtful in getting her some clothes, Shadowheart handed them to her with a somewhat strange smile.

“Why are you smiling like that?” The girl asked suspiciously.

“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking how kind it was of Astarion to adjust these clothes to the exact dress size for you.”

This was a surprise and it was just the beginning, obviously Calamity couldn't leave the camp alone after all it would be dangerous, but don't worry Astarion was in charge of looking after her in the meantime. And that's where things get interesting.

“Darling, come here.” Astarion called to her with a small wave of his hand.

The little child ran towards him as fast as her little legs could carry her. Everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing just to see that scene. Calamity looked up to face him, the elf had a red ribbon in his hands.

"Can I?" She didn't understand what exactly he wanted, but she consented anyway. To her surprise, he picked her up and sat her on the cushions of his tent.

After settling her in, he took a hairbrush and started work, as soon as he finished he handed her a mirror. Astarion had tied his hair up with that ribbon, his hair was braided on the sides and tied in a red bow.

“That…” She was speechless.

“Don’t be surprised, when I met you back then you wore your hair exactly like that right?”

Oh… He looked awkward, but somehow strangely happy? It was then that Calamity realized that she looked exactly the same as the day she met him by chance when she was a little girl. He recreated the exact simple dress she wore and even got a red ribbon for her hair, with her eyes full of curiosity she looked at him and didn't need to ask anything.

“Much better, you look acceptable at least for now.” It was a mystery what was going on in Astarion's mind at that moment, but his eyes had a subtle glimpse of nostalgia.

This detail did not go unnoticed by the curious looks of his campmates, they were watching everything with the eyes of hawks! Astarion has only shown kindness to her and her alone, whether as a little girl or an adult.

“Thank you Astarion, I appreciate your kindness.” She turns around smiling as radiant as the sun itself.

Her smile warmed Astarion's undead heart and it was from that moment on that he didn't let her leave his field of vision for a single moment, not even when they went to sleep that night, he simply picked her up in his arms and carried her to He tries as if he were a doll followed by a “good night” to the others watching the scene in perplexity. Calamity was the perfect image of a living doll, she was cute, fragile, her different colored eyes were big and sparkled with innocence… And that bothered her.

“Darling, if you inflate any more your cheeks will explode.” He says snuggling her in pillows and cushions before covering her with a blanket.

“This is annoying… Going back to being small like this…” She said looking at her small hands.

“Small, you always were…” He joked and laughed when he saw the irritated look she gave him. “I understand what you mean, you don’t need to look at me like that, you heard Gale this will pass so in the meantime be a good girl and behave.”

In the next few days it wasn't difficult for him to take care of her, Calamity behaved as he had asked and made it very easy for both of them. Astarion on the other hand worried a lot, it wasn't strange to see him holding her hand or carrying her in his arms especially if they had to leave the camp. All these outings ended in a lot of carnage, don't blame him he was just doing his duty defending his lovely leader from malicious looks. He always ended up like this with both of them covered in blood… Would it be too morbid to say that Calamity was even cuter with blood on her? This thought he would keep to himself for eternity.

​

[tinyjordan]

so I actually finally finished my first playthrough of bg3 last night (except it was actually this morning because I beat the final boss at like 3 am) and I just wanted to share my experience. obviously there will be spoilers

so yes. it did take me like 2 months to finish the game, a lot longer than the average player. this was mostly because I was just really busy with school and shit and I've been playing on my parents tv, so I obviously didn't get too much time to myself to binge the game. but honestly, when I did get time to play through the game, I was honestly so overjoyed to just explore the world and do quests with my silly little guys.

imo my favorite act in the game is the first act, which from what I read, many people agree with me on this sentiment. that doesn't mean that I think that the other two acts weren't great, but I just think that act 1 had something special going on there. i loved how huge the first act was and just how much I could do in this act. i thought I finished this act having completed every quest (except those in the mountain pass because I didn't know that I could just go through both paths, which I don't know how I came to that conclusion in hindsight) but when reading and watching videos about bg3, I learned that there was a ton of stuff that I missed. I can't wait for my second playthrough (which will probably be my durge run) to experience more that I missed.

i don't know where to put this point in this essay thing, but the party after defeating the goblin camp. love it! this is where fanfictions are born. although you don't really get much when romancing gale in this party except the fact that he proclaims that he likes your stank in the most socially awkward but well meaning way. i thought this was funny.

oh yeah! also Lae'zel tried to have sex with me. we didn't, but I thought I might as well share that.

speaking of Lae'zel: the most underrated character in the game. i don't care. she is extremely wholesome despite our first introduction to her. in my playthrough, she was the one that got kidnapped by orin in act three. when I rescued her from orin, she was extremely sweet and thankful about it. she said something about the githyanki language not having a word for "thank you", and she tells the player the closest thing to it in her language. but even then she thought that wasn't a good enough way to express gratitude, so she said "thank you, sincerely." she's not my favorite companion, but my heart did swell in this moment

speaking of favorite companions-

astarion

ASTARION

yes I know that everyone reading this probably heard this a million times, but Astarion is such an amazing and well written character. this man is blorbo himself. i want to be his best friend. during my playthrough, my tav and Astarion had a sort of sibling like relationship: being on near opposite sides of the character archetype spectrum and disagreeing on a lot of things, but also being super protective over each other (we dislike Araj in this house). his whole story arc made me want to cry several times. i wish this game had a hug option for every companion so that I could hug everyone, ESPECIALLY Astarion. omg. OMG. when we defeated Cazador and Astarion stabbed him repeatedly, i cheered. i got him to not ascend and I cheered. like Karlach (who i also love and got me the closest to actually crying), i was so fucking proud of Astarion. i could talk about him all day but I think I would just stop there and resort to reblogging post about him for my own sanity.

when thinking of my opinion on Shadowheart, I remember that I didn't like her at all at first. it didn't help that she was racist against the githyanki. but after act 2 and pretty much always having her in my party as the main healer, she REALLY grew on me as a character. imo, I think she has one of the best character arcs and she really meshes well with the other companions. she's not a comic relief character at all, but every joke and sarcastic comment she makes is always a banger. she's my Tav's official best friend. also her act three glow up. that is all

oh also during Shadowheart's quest in act three, I met Viconia DeVir (who i killed) and I laughed my ass off because I ended up naming my Tav Viconia who when playing as her, she was like the EXACT opposite of the evil cult leader. there was definitely a "there can only be one" moment when killing her

I also feel that Wyll is pretty underrated character, which is disappointing since he is actually super interesting as a character. I mean he made a deal with a devil. like. c'mon. now I did sometimes get annoyed with his whole being a hero schtick, but also he's like the most sane character companion imo. i felt bad about him sulking alone at the after goblin killing party and I was tempted to ask him to dance to maybe cheer him up, but I also knew that this would probably lead to a romance with him, which I didn't really want. so I just let him be. i remember the impossible choice we had to make in act three (save Wyll's dad and sacrifice his freedom, or break the contract Wyll made with Mizora and let his dad die). This was actually a really difficult decision to make because like. it's either your dad or your freedom. it's literally an impossible choice to make. i decided to have Wyll be free of his contract with Mizora because I had hope that we could maybe find a loophole to this whole deal. WHICH THERE WAS. I had to undo a 5 whole hours of progress because of a bug with Duke Ravengard not spawning in the iron throne if you progress too much in the lower city before watching Gortash's coronation (which is entirely my fault for being awful at directions and not understanding very obvious instructions), BUT I DID IT. I saved Wyll's dad and had him free from Mizora's servitude! his friendship with Karlach is also extremely sweet. I love just how nice Wyll is. I think he's neat.

KARLACH! My favorite female companion! I was so excited when I was finally able to give her a hug. she's just so sweet and fun and as i said before she got me the closest to crying while playing the game. she almost made me cry not once, not twice, but THREE whole times. first time was of course when she was finally able to touch people. second was when we killed Gortash and she had a crisis about dying soon. third was when I thought she was actually going to die before Wyll offered that she come with him back avernus to kill all the devils (bless Wyll). she's also the number one funniest character in the game which juxtaposes the fact that she almost made ms cry the most amount of times.

speaking of crying, this game made me want to cry three separate times in one day. i made the mistake of playing through Shadowheart's and Astarion's quest on the same day then proceeding to kill Gortash, which you already know what happens after that.

After playing through the game, I agree that camp dad(dy) is the official term to describe Halsin. I'm not attracted to him in any since, so to me he is just dad, but I do agree with this sentiment. also goddamn he tall

Jaheira is the fun aunt of the group and I love her for that. she's a queen.

Minsc is himbo. I also realized that he always has something to say about everything we do, and I didn't realize that until when I talked to him one time and he was speaking of something we did like three quests ago and I had to keep talking to him until he was finally caught up with the current events. it was super hilarious

Also I love Boo! when Minsc introduced me to this space hamster I immediately feel in love with his tiny wittle paw awnd hwis wittle whiskews- also Boo had so much personality and I love him for that.

now. it is time to be down bad. Gale. my beloved. if you have seen the amount of posts and art that I reblog about him, you could probably tell that I am absolutely down bad for this man. I don't know when it started, but holy shit. this man got me kicking my legs and squealing like a little school girl. every romance scene with him got me down bad. he says just the sweetest things and I am on the floor dead from a heart attack. he proposed to me at the end of the game. i was happy :)

other points about Gale: he is super funny. every joke with him is hilarious. Mystra is a bitch. he gives dedicated history professor vibes. his camp outfit looks so comfy. he hates sneaking because his knees hate sneaking. he is best friends with his tressym named Tara, who he summoned NOT because of tressyms being known for being a great familiar, but because he wanted a friend. pleasure domes lol

i guess this is all to say that I love every companion in bg3

i believe I got the best ending (in terms of good or bad endings) in the game, and my hot take is that I actually love the ending of the game! i don't know what other people were talking about when they said it wasn't satisfying. the only critique I can give about the ending is that if you don't romance either Shadowheart or Astarion, you don't really know what happens to them after the events of the game other than they probably have a happy ending. other than that, great ending!

i will say that I do agree with most other people when they say that act 3 is maybe the weakest act in the game. not that it isn't a bad act. i just think it's unnecessary difficult even in explorer difficulty, which I did had to set it to because balanced wasn't cutting it for my smooth brain. i also had difficulty with trying to figure out what to do or where to go for a huge chunk of the act. and if it wasn't for a few helpful guides, I might have accidentally skipped a huge chunk of the quests and gotten a worse ending for a lot of my companions. also yeah. act 3 is extremely buggy. not unplayable buggy, but it did cause a lot of problems with my playthrough including me having to redo 5 hours of progress because of a bug

also fighting the githyanki at any point in the game starting from the end of act 2 is an absolute nightmare. how are a group of githyanki monks a more difficult fight than the literal god of death?

speaking of death, i love the dead three. i think they are amazing antagonists. my favorite with being Thorm. he is just so intimidating and he gave an amazing first impression. it helps that he is voiced by J.K. Simmons.

OH AND RAPHAEL! he is so theatre kid evil and that is amazing! best fight theme in the game. i saved the song on my Spotify before I even got to his fight because I heard it for the first time when I was kind of watching my brother play and I fell in love with the song.

i wish there was more to do in act 2, but in terms of story, it is extremely strong and the act is extremely spooky, which I love. i got scarred for life in the house of healing. though I think the biggest strength with act 2 is Shadowheart. she stole the show in act 2.

also Gale's act 2 romance scene hehe <3

Scratch best boy

Owl bear cub so adorable

oh! also when exploring the szarr palace, I found an owl bear plush and I immediately wanted it to be real. i immediately stole it because it is the best thing ever

i love this game so much! there is so much more I want to speak about, but then this would turn into a novel if I mentioned everything. I might make a post about my Tav later on, but that's for later. i already made a google doc about her profile, but there is so much more that I want to discuss about her outside that doc, so...maybe I can share the doc whenever and maybe let people send asks about the character and I can discuss more in detail stuff that wasn't mentioned

I'm probably gonna take a short break from playing bg3 since I still just want to think about the finale and I spent maybe 80 hours of gameplay on this one run (i say this one run because I have been playing a bit with my brother and friend)

afterwards I want to do a redeemed dark urge run. i might romance Astarion not because I see him in a romantic light, but because I really ship him with the durge thanks to all of the art I have seen

tldr; bg3 is amazing

[hijackalx]

GALE SFW HEADCANONS:

finally we got our lover boy here. its not a secret that he like gets super easily attached. i kind of hate that they patched that out bcz it fit his character so much. but yeah in my mind its canon he gets attached suppperrr easily also kind of the type of guy to love bomb tav. not in the manipulative way tho like he genuinely thinks hes in love.

he gives everything he has in relationships too like tav IS his everything. he can be pretty clingy but thats just cuz he loves them so much ❤️ ok yandere vibes hold on. not really but imagine.

the type of dude to draw pictures of him and tav holding hands in his diary (they are not drawn good) also definitely talks to himself a lot, or maybe to his cat (sometimes abt tav)

hands down the funniest mf at camp like hes the type thats just naturally funny he doesnt even try to be. its hard to take him serious sometimes bcz of it😭😭 he gets mad af about it too. like his funnyness is a blight on his existence he just wants to be taken seriously. also feel like he has the worst luck too like fucked up things always happen to him and thats also hilarious LMAO constantly has the camp in stitches

he has bad spatial awareness so hes always triggering traps and tav gets so mad 😹😹😹

love language:

giving= words of affirmation and quality time

always wants to be with tav. also loves to compliment them but he does it in his corny ass wizard way lol like in the most extra way possible. he cant just say "ur eyes look beautiful today" hes got to say some shit like "ur viewing orbs are looking most ravishing this eventide". i bet he would write poetry abt tav but he wouldnt give it to them bcz hes lowkey embarrassed ���� like insecure in his ability not embarrassed by the action itself. he just wants to do tav justice and he doesnt think he can.

receiving= quality time

as long as tav wants to be with him too hes happy. he worries abt being too clingy so sometimes he'll distance himself and if tav closes that distance on their own itll make him so happy. like thats the best thing ever to him. to have somebody that wants to be in his presence and listen to him ramble.

i feel like gale is similar in height to astarion so like 5'11/6' hes probably closer to 5'11. like that is the most gale height to me. also hes a little thicker with some muscle. hes def got a lil belly 🤭❤️ his pecs are rlly smthng too like thats where most of his muscle goes. those look heavy let me carry them for u king 🤲🏻😼

GALE NSFW HEADCANONS:

A FREAKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MAN IS A FREAK. WHAT was that shit in the sky ?????? THE FUCK ??? like he is THE MOST kinky mf here he will do almost anything. ONLY with ppl hes comfortable with tho. otherwise hes vanilla af. i honestly feel like hes mostly submissive tho just cuz hes chill like that. equally gives and receives. like straight up tav is his BABY he will do ANYTHING for them. probably introduced to most of his kinks thru tav (and mystra....... unfortunately.....)

loves to give head. like dear god. will beg tav to let him for real. hes very good at it too

incorporates sooo much magic. will make fake!gale fuck tav so he can watch. will use hot and cold magic and all that. electricity. the thunder stuff or whatever its called. literally anything u can think of to spice it up. he has thought of it. will also do freaky shit like using magic to mess with tav in public if u know what i mean

doesnt have a high body count i lowkey feel like mystra was his first. and he hasnt smashed anybody since. until tav.

exhibitionist AND humiliation kink. so these work hand in hand bcz like i said he doesnt do kinky shit with ppl hes not comfortable with so doing it where strangers might see is ultimate humiliation for him. but also likes to humiliate tav with it too.

will say a lot of nasty shit. this i feel he doesnt go super overboard with but its nasty compared to how he usually is. mostly when hes begging.

im gonna say gale has a solid 5 on him. and hes got hair i feel like most of the companions do but it works rlly good on gale lol. like hes got a happy trail and everything 🤤 nice hairy armpits too so u know hes got that manly ass MUSKK 💦💦💦 anyway i think his pp is pretty straight. like a wand lol. its a pretty normal pp.

aftercare with gale is the best yo like he makes sure tav is taken care of first and then cleans up on his own unless tav offers which he usually tells them to rest lol. hes just so sweet.

[rose-of-oz]

TELL ME ALLLL ABOUT YOUR BG3 OCS!

AHHHHH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!! Okay, so as I said, I don’t have actual appearances for my babies since I don’t have the game, but I will happy give you some info about them.

I have five OCs currently planned:

Raven Waters (they/them), Wyll ship. Human bard, College of Lore subclass, with an urchin past. Grew up on the streets of Baldur’s Gate after being orphaned at a young age and became a decently well-known entertainer when they got older, performing at festivals and every tavern and inn in the area. Very cunning, sarcastic, and good at reading people, and is very unhappy about being snatched off the street only to have a worm stuck in their brain. Cares about people sort of in the way Astarion does - reluctantly and with no small amount of complaining but very deeply - and even though they don’t think much of Wyll at first because they don’t trust nobility or anyone wealthy, it doesn’t take long for them to become endeared by him. Also becomes absolute besties with Astarion because they literally laugh in his face when he tries to seduce them and once he gets over that they have fun judging people together. (There is also definitely an AU where Raven is dating both Wyll and Astarion, but they’re officially a Wyll ship.)

Amalal Quavein (he/they), Astarion ship. Seldarine drow and cleric of the Light Domain for the goddess Eilistrae with a sage past (he’s a huge bookworm when they can get his hands on some), and has been travelling around Faerun since they were just young, trying to find allies to assist in the Seldarine drows’ fight against Lolth and helping everyone he can along the way, before they get snatched up and taken to the nautiloid ship. He’s a total sweetheart who loves caring for people and fighting against tyrants and darker forces, but they’re also a bit socially stunted from being alone on the road for a lot of his life, which can lead people to think he’s naïve even when they aren’t. Astarion definitely thinks this at first, and thinks seducing Amalal will be easy, but really he’s just one of those people who always chooses kindness and doing the right thing because they want to make the world a better place and that’s the best way he knows how to do it. (They’re also asexual, which is very funny given Astarion’s whole seduction thing because not only is Amalal unfamiliar with seduction as a concept but he genuinely Does Not Feel Sexual Things, so they’re painfully oblivious to Astarion’s attempts the whole time.)

Nifara Reedwood (she/her), Gale ship. Strongheart halfling ranger, of the hunter subclass, with an outlander past who was raised in the wilderness and therefore has a very strong connection with nature. Travels all around Faerun hunting and tracking creatures from other realms, making it her personal mission to keep any kinds of invaders from attacking her realm and harming its nature. Also has a very strong bond with animals and is resistant to poison due to all the she’s spent in Faerun’s swamps. A complete and total badass, but is also kind of socially stunted due to all the time she’s spent alone on the road with only animals and the creatures she hunts. Brutally honest and has a quick temper, but also one that’s quick to calm back down if there’s no need for an actual fight, and although she’s slow to trust people would gladly kill and die for those she cares about and absolutely will not let them talk bad about themselves. (Very nearly smacks Gale for not believing he’s worth more than his magic and service to Mystra and calls him an idiot for it more than once, and then somehow that wanting him to think more of himself turns to catching feelings and she’s just like, “Ah, shit”. It’s fine, though, because Gale comes to love her too.)

Nisa Mournspire (they/she), Halsin ship. Mephistopheles tiefling paladin of the Oath of Devotion subclass, with a folk hero background. Adopted when they were a baby by a human couple, but never felt truly loved by them since she wasn’t their blood child, even if they’d given her their last name. Devoted themself to prayer from an early age as a way to feel some kind of belonging and purpose, and took her Oath and set out from their village to travel around and help people when she was only twenty years old. Gained a bit of a reputation around all of Faerun for their heroics, and eventually came to be known as The Horned Warrior. Taken from Baldur’s Gate by the Mindflayer’s goons when she stopped in for the night, and doesn’t hesitate to recruit Karlach and Lae’zel when they’re all on the beach, seeing defeating the Mindflayer and removing the parasites as yet another mission they’re committing to. Very warm and compassionate, able to make friends almost everywhere she goes, and fears almost nothing if it means helping others. A bit of a hopeless romantic who wants to find true love, but also isn’t against brief flings. Does sleep with Astarion once or twice (but they’re incredibly good about it and makes sure he feels good too, because she can tell he’s not used to that), but definitely takes a liking to Halsin very quickly after meeting him and spends a good amount of time staring at his biceps (which annoys Lae’zel incredibly because that should not be the focus right now).

Ellora Keyvaris (she/her), Karlach ship. High Elf half-elf wizard of the Conjuration School subclass with a noble background. Grew up in a wealthy family that was very devoted to maintaining appearances and always trotted her out to social events, but she was much more interested in magic and the study of it, more than happy to spend her time in her home’s library or at the local magical college learning conjuring spells from the professors she’d paid for private lessons. When she learned her family was planning to betroth her to an elf nobleman, she ran away to Baldur’s Gate, where she intended to live a quiet life and continue studying magic before she was kidnapped and infected with the parasite. Ellora is a very quiet and bookish person, but that doesn’t mean she’s timid; she has a sharp tongue and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself or others and say what she thinks. She struggles to connect to her companions at first, with the exception of Wyll since they were both raised among nobility, but she eventually makes genuine friends out of all of them, which means a lot to her because she’s never really had friends before. (She’s also a hopeless lesbian who falls in love at first sight with Karlach and thus is very sad when she can’t touch her, because she very much wants this large muscled lady to be able to pick her up.)

Anyways, yeah, those are my BG3 babies!! Thanks so much for asking about them, and if you have any more questions about any of them feel free to ask!!

Again tagging some of my other BG3 moots: @hiddenqveendom, @endless-oc-creations, @astarionbae.

[pastafossa]

Stumbling and crashing and tripping with various crashes and a Wilhelm scream into your askbox to ask, YOU PLAY BG3????? ISN'T IT GREAT?!?!?!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH AKSHQKXBQ it's been my Focus since December!!! Who's your favorite so far?? How far are you in?? What kind of route are you doing?? Have you discovered any funny loopholes yet?? What race do you favor playing?? I LOVE to hear about other peoples playthroughs,

IT'S GODDAMN AMAZING AND I ALREADY HAVE MULTIPLE PLAYTHROUGHS PLANNED BECAUSE ONCE IS NOOOOT ENOUGH! I AM IN LOVE. Like I know these types of games (I've been a Bioware slut since KOTOR 2, so I looove this genre), and so I feel very confident saying holy shit, BG3 is one of the best! ALSO IT'S HUGE??? INSANELY HUGE??? AND FULL??? I LOVE IT SM.

Oh god favorites are hard, I'm gd attached to all of these little ducklings following my Tav. So far at least, storywise it's SCRATCH HE IS THE BESTEST BOY maaaybe Astarion. I LOVE his arc, his voicework is stunning, (I accidentally killed him with the big monastery laser and his reaction was hysterical) and his quest has been very moving. A close second is KARLACH, MY GIRL, MY FIREY BFF, like damn I HAD my little battle group (Gale + Astarion + Wyll) when I found her but I adore her so much I'm rotating Gale and Wyll to keep her permanently, SHE JUST WANTED A HUG. 😭

I'm in act 3, I just hit the city! I have no idea how but I am also STILL on my first PT after over a month of play. I love to sniff around under every nook and cranny granted, AND YET I STILL MISSED THINGS, IT'S SO BIG???

So far my route has been a chaotic good route! Outside, uh, occasional murdery hiccups goodbye creche but ya'll were assholes I've mostly managed to follow that alignment, and somehow still made friends with Lae? That was unexpected. I thought she hated my Tav's guts before she hit on her. 😂

Hilarious moments: setting off the giant laser at the monastery cause why wouldn't I grab the shiny weapon (sorry Astarion); being instakilled by Vlaakith at said monastery after basically mocking her with 'if you were really a god you'd be able to just kill someone yourself ha ha-splat'; friends telling me to talk to animals so I got excited when I saw a squirrel and ran to talk to it - it proceeded to bite me, then I failed a persuasion roll about being friends and it told me to fuck off; trying to get to that dwarf lady's husband in the Underdark and shooting an arrow at one of the mushrooms in the field he was in, thinking I could clear them one by one to get to him, only to set off a chain reaction that incinerated him and left the entire field a smoking crater (me as the explosions begin: oh, OH, oh no - wait, sir! Sir! Oh you're fine, you're - oh fuck, RUN SIR RU-shit he's dead); placing my druid in rothe/battle cow shape at the top of a ladder and charging whatever bad guy comes up so they fall back down (catchphrase: MOO, BITCH); and finally, I was having trouble with that one boss guy in the goblin camp, the one that sits on the throne. So when I saw I could get to the rafters, I painstakingly dragged every last explosive barrel and grenade I could find into the room and innocently placed them around the throne, then went up to the rafters and had Astarion shoot a fire arrow. I figured I'd at least bring the guy's health down but instead I set off the fourth of july, blasted that guy so hard he bounced around the room like a pinball before his body wound up glitch-stuck halfway through a wall, but hey, dead as a doornail sooo... it worked? Chaotic good alignment: MASTERED. 🤪

I'm playing a half-elf druid CAUSE I CAN BE AN OWLBEAR OR DINOSAUR TO FIGHT. I now have a chance to run around as a dinosaur druid with my 200 yo elf boyfriend, my BFFs, and find random bowls of poutine, this is the BEST GAME EVER. Also hilariously, I didn't check the stats closely and her intelligence wound up quite low, so she is very wise but also dumb as a bag of hammers, I love her, my first Tav is a good-hearted, unintentional bundle of chaos.

[gogomeaty]

OMG GOGO YOU'RE PLAYING BALDUR'S GATE 3?? TELL ME ALL YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT AND ALSO HAVE YOU INEVITABLY FALLEN IN LOVE WITH ASTARION YET... 👉👈

YEAH!!! IT'S SUCH A GREAT GAME AND I LOVE IT SM FR, I told you before that I usually don't play games but watch playthroughs but all the tiktoks made me want to play it myself and since I started I've been obsessed with it no matter how bad i was at first i was so excited jsjsjs.

It's so fun doing the side quest and going around exploring, it have so many funny moments with npcs and the group. Im still on act 1 so can't speak about the rest but i have seen small things about the other arcs (not enough to spoil me because i don't want spoilers nsjsns) and it goes from great to holly shit but im still trapped on the goblim/halsin arc jsj

I love Astarion, im trying so much to romance it and i think it's working, there I go trying to seduce this man. But it's difficult when you don't want to be too of a menace in the story and with the actions so i try the options i know he would like when it's something no too chaotic lmao

My first romance scene was with Lae'zel tho and i really like her because i love her personality and how rude she's, im trying to make her soft but not too much ksbsjsksn.

And my third I'm trying so hard to romance is Gale, everyome say that he falls in love with you so fast when you talk to him but not for me!! Or maybe im just dumb with how i play but at least i got like a little of a romance scene with him but nothing more after that 😭

You should definitely play it, it's an amazing game with millions of adventures, fights and so many options to smooch and have the deed with lsbskssk oh and the best part, you can make your own character and I love that

[kasugas]

fandom ask meme . forcing u 2 talk abt bg3. 🫵

Wahooooooo theres a lot of talk under the cut so for courtesy:

3 male characters I love:

Wyll - Guy who was tragically underwritten i'll admit i looked over him for half of my first playthrough and then i put him on my team and realised how funny he is. "Yeah theres a worm in my head i have other things to do rn tho". He is the most generic hero-mcmaincharacter guy ever but theres something they took from him in the rewrites that still sparkles. I need to do a playthrough as him someday because i think thats the way they made him to be in the release state of the game (SAD!).

Gale - Guy i want to shove into a locker. Endearingly. Big fan of when the character wants something that is going to ruin their life.

I could put Astarion in this spot but honestly he infuriates me equally as much as i like him. I'd prolly like him more if i didnt see the fandom shit for him first. Smiles in a haterly way. Shout out to my durge Cally hes a little fucked up in a pet dog way. Also shout out Ansur because that shit was awesome.

3 female characters I love:

This was the easiest pick 3 ever

Laezel - Literally one of the coolest characters to start out with. I respect her no bullshit attitude so much and her storyline is compelling to me i <3 her. Im also forever a fan of "you've just started out in a game and the two first companions you get have the most immediate beef". When you consider her perspective everyone else in this game is acting so stupid to her and honestly i would be meaner.

Karlach - What is not to love. Shes just a bloke who DOESNT do fuckall. She really seems the most down to earth despite literally being in hell for a good chunk of her life. Her easy going charm has bewitched me. Fumbled her so badly on my first playthrough orz. #ripkess

Minthara - A character i missed initially because of my terminal i cant be mean to video game people disease. Shes the most interesting character in this game to me. The shit she comes out with is so poignant and it really gives her such depth which i feel a lot of "evil" characters dont really get. sad! because im freshly re-dragon age brained she reminds me of loghain a little where if you can do unspeakable things to get them as a companion they have such interesting thoughts.

3 romantic ships I love:

Im not hugely shippy but im a fan of the concept of Wyll/Karlach , Laezel/Shadowheart & Ansur/you know who

3 2 platonic dynamics I love: (I forgor everyone oops)

Big big fan of if you start romancing Astarion then stick to being friends at his story point.

Also the dialogue about Karlach tying to cheer up Gale sticks in my mind, I think they'd chill together.

3 2 favorite moments in canon: (again i forgor)

Karlach's outburst after killing gortash had me like that donkey kong gif where they're all riding in the minecart in silence. Good Lord.

Meeting shovel is also really funny. my little thingy.

3 0 favorite headcanons:

I honestly cant think of any on the spot </3 People have had really good ones about this game i just havent had any i've felt strongly enough to remember i guess.

3 least favorite things about it:

I've mentioned it before but it really does fucking jumpscare you with dating sim scenes. Not saying theyre badly done its just. tonally jarring at times LMAO

The cut content for Wyll. Head in my hands.

*Wears a big shirt that says I HATE TURN BASED COMBAT* (I know im a hypocrite for saying this as a yakuza 7 enjoyer)

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

Today my mother and I started Act III in Baldur’s Gate. I also informed her that a few hundred people on tumblr think she’s neat for playing BG3, and it absolute made her day! She appreciates the love and thanks you all for agreeing that she has wonderful taste in funny wizard men.

Here’s an abridged list of today’s shenanigans:

My mother’s hoarding habit continues. She made me double back through Rivington because I ran past a goblet on the ground near the refugee camp and didn’t pick it up. She still won’t let me sell anything, by the way. Last I checked, there are fourteen cauldrons in the camp stash.

She is getting increasingly concerned about Astarion as we get closer to the Lower City. The way he talks about the Rite of Profane Ascension is really stressing her out and she’s worried she won’t be able to talk him out of it when the time comes. (Astarion’s approval is Exceptional; she really has nothing to worry about, but I haven’t told her that just yet. I know she’ll be pissed if I even vaguely hint at a spoiler.)

She doesn’t fully trust the Emperor because my mom is super ride-or-die for Lae’zel, but she can’t deny his uses at the moment so she didn’t immediately side against him. Seriously, she takes Lae’zel EVERYWHERE. (Taste, honestly.) I’m not sure what she’ll choose when it comes time to choose between Orpheus and the Emperor at the end of the game because you risk Lae’zel leaving your party if you don’t free the prince. Should be interesting.

My mother aced Zethino’s love test with Gale at the circus. I actually disagreed with her first answer because I didn’t think Gale was as “wholesome as an apple,” but my mom stuck to her choice and would like ALL OF YOU TO KNOW that she “knows her sweetie best.” She is very proud. (then Orin showed up and my mom was like “aw shit cmon”)

She was utterly delighted to be polymorphed into a cheese wheel. She then asked me to rob the cheating djinn and abscond with all his treasures, but upon finding out they were all junk, she requested a little arson instead. I chucked some alchemist’s fire and immediately got attacked by the guards. Her only response was, “Oh dear.”

She really wants one of Boney’s custom statues for the camp. When she saw the 5000 gp price tag, she pointed at a nearby building and requested that I rob it for her to get the remaining funds. When I informed her it was a monastery for followers of Ilmater, she said, “Oh. Well, I’m sure they’ve done something wrong recently. Get that money.” We are planning to get the statue soon.

Every time I cast Speak with the Dead, my mother spends at least fifteen minutes agonizing over her choices. She knows she gets a limited number of questions for each corpse, so she REALLY has to think about which ones she wants to ask before Tav says anything. I keep wanting to tell her it’s not that deep, but it’s just so funny to watch her weigh her options like she’ll ruin the game if she chooses the wrong one.

She has figured out how to dismantle traps on her own! I left the controller with her when I went to the kitchen for some lunch, and by the time I got back she had figured out how to highlight a trap and roll to disarm it. And thank god she didn’t mess up because it was Arfur’s basement with all the fucking fireworks. Now every time I find a trap she asks if she can be the one to disarm it.

I might play more with her later in the week if she has the time. I’m so glad everyone is enjoying this as much as we are!

Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:

She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.

She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.

Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.

She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.

She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.

She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.

We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)

She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)

She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.

She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.

I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.

anyway shout out to my mom for being neat

[chronoxtreme]

The Cage: Chapters 2-5 Author's Notes

So, I'll be honest - one of the biggest weaknesses of this fic for me, personally, is that these 3 chapters don't really need to be here, but they do at the same time. They're important to Astarion actually getting to know Nanne, but at the same time they don't really move the story along in terms of the main thesis, i.e. "they met 10 years ago and now they're back together oopsies."

I've also been trying to break the habit of relying on canon dialogue/scenes to convey relationships. It's something that I notice I do a lot in my other fics that aren't AUs, so this fic is trying to get out of that niche.

As well, Nanne giving the tent to Astarion is something I kind of stumbled into and ended up loving. I think it's a nice way to establish Nanne's personality in context. That sort of generosity mixed with envy because you really want it for yourself but you know that it's the right thing to do to give it to this poor nobleman who's clearly never had a day of hardship in his life. The selflessness that isn't quite selfless because it's been engrained into you from a young age and is it really a choice? (Don't worry, we'll get into more of that later)

Some funny headcanons/canon events that I shoved into this fic:

Literally all of Astarion's camp gear is stolen from the crypt/the tiefling refugees/the druids at the grove. I refuse to believe that he obtained all of those trinkets by gainful means when it's repeatedly emphasized that this dude owned literally nothing under Cazador.

Astarion's burial shroud (inspired by the rags you can see in his various camp sites, especially in Last Light Inn). This is something that was almost 100% pulled out of my ass. I don't think the vampiric resting place rule applies to spawn, but I do like the thought of Astarion's sole possession being a reminder of his trauma. We'll do stuff with that later, don't worry.

Astarion thinks Wyll is hot because he's exactly his type of "innocent charming younger man who is selfless and slightly awkward but good at heart." Also Wyll is just hot.

Astarion making fun of Shadowheart's goth name is a thing that happens in game if you happen to recruit Astarion first before her and it's VERY funny

The sheer, utter frustration Astarion has watching everyone in camp target his seduction mark and try and pull the moves on them

I do also believe that Astarion's compatible with every single party member (except for Minsc and Jaheira for obv reasons), so while he does tick them off the list of "seduce for protection" candidates for various reasons, it's mainly because this is a Tav x Astarion story. Likewise, I love all the party members, no matter how much Astarion may shit on them lol

So, let's talk a little about Chapter 5 and what's going on here. A lot of the events are based on my second-first playthrough as Nanne (my first playthrough was on my old PC that died and the saves got corrupted, so I had to start over). Looking back, I do think it's pretty self indulgent to have everyone hit on my OC, but considering it happened in game just by playing a nice character who naturally wanted to get to know everyone and was a compulsive peacemaker, I can't say it's, like, over the top outrageous. (They literally ALL cockblocked Astarion's romance scene except for Wyll. Literally all of them)

If I were to go back and rewrite this section, though, I'd probably stretch out the timeline a lot more, moving Shadowheart's date later back, Gale's magic lessons, etc. One of the issues that I have with writing is the timeline, and nowhere has it been more obvious than with this fic, where I'll describe a week's worth of events happening in literally four days, then skip ahead two months and go "Hey guys, take my word for it that x time has passed." It's something I definitely need to work on lol. At the same time, this is very much a self indulgent fic for funsies.

Now SPOILERS FOR NANNE'S CHARACTER ARC: In case anyone's curious, no, Nanne had no clue that Shadowheart's little date was supposed to be a date. This is a person who has never been approached for anything romantic except from their sketchy employer. Astarion is exasperated that they didn't see the signs, but Nanne has no experience with "hooking up", dating, whatever you wanna call it.

They do feel bad about accidentally leading Shadowheart on, but honestly, they're torn because on the one hand, someone did find them attractive! Wowee! On the other hand, this is moving awfully fast and they're scared about being exposed. They have had it repeatedly bashed into their head that their body is disgusting, unnatural, a deviation that must be fixed, and so relationships are this thing that they can't ever have, but desperately crave. It is a deeply painful position to be in. They do a good job of hiding it and not coming across as clingy, but Nanne is a very lonely person who craves connection and intimacy (physical, sexual, emotional, any of it). At the same time, they can't risk being rejected again.

END SPOILERS

The boar scene is one of my favorite early on scenes because this is the moment when Nanne clocks that Astarion is actually a vampire. A lot of people make fun of the game for waiting like, five in game days before exposing the elephant in the room, but considering that everyone knows vampires can't stand in sunlight, it's reasonable to assume that Astarion's just an incredibly pampered noble who's got delicate skin and maybe some drow ancestry.

But then he starts acting VERY suspicious and guilty and, well, the boar is literally right there.

Nanne's comment of "You're protecting us from the vampire, aren't you?" is meant to be a very subtle way of thanking Astarion from not eating anyone yet, which considering what happens in the next chapter is, uh, lol. Lmao, even.